#god why am I so emotional so early in the morning

[thebearer]

where there's smoke |carmen berzatto x reader|

prompt: carmen's been busy at work, and you miss him. high stress mixed with heightened emotions leads to a fight.

contains: angst, a fight (they make up at the end dw). language, mean-ish carmen, mean-ish reader, alludes to smut very briefly at the end. minors dni 18+

“What time will you be home tonight?” You asked, knees pulled to your chest in the bed, watching Carmen slip on his shirt, bustling around your shared bedroom. 

“Uh, probably not until late tonight. Sorry, baby.” Carmen muttered, but he didn’t sound sorry. He sounded… distracted. He had been for a while, early mornings and long nights at the restaurant, busy building and perfecting the menu. You understood it, knew he had to do it, but, fuck, if you didn’t miss Carmen. It was lonely without him.

“Oh,” You didn’t mean to sound so small, so disappointed. 

Carmen turned, eyes flashing to you at the first sign of upset. “Why? Did we have plans?” He cringed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, ‘m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to say it like that. That was douchey. I just… My mind has been all over the place, baby, I just-” 

“-We didn’t have plans.” You said, looking down at the comforter. You’d brought it from your old apartment when you moved in, since Carmen’s was a thin quilt that barely covered him let alone the both of you. 

Carmen’s shoulders relaxed. “I just… I dunno. I was hoping I’d get to see you tonight.” You muttered. You knew you sounded clingy and desperate, and fuck you’d swore you’d never be that girl. Yet here you were. “I just miss you, Carmy.”

“I know.” Carmen nodded slowly. “I know, and I’m sorry, baby. I just really have to finish perfecting this menu.” 

“I know, Carmen, but you can’t take one night?” You asked, head tilting towards him. “I never see you anymore.” 

“You could come down for family.” Carmen countered, his voice had the faint twinge of an edge, cutting and a little exasperated. 

“Carmen,” You looked at him, unimpressed. “I meant while you’re not working. I just want to spend some time with you.” 

“Then come down to family and spend it with me.” Carmen huffed lightly. “I don’t know what else you want me to do.” 

“Are you- You’re not being serious.” You scoffed. “Don’t know what else to do-” Your voice raised, trilling to a dangerous octave that had Carmen’s eyes shutting. 

“Please.” Carmen held up a hand. “I-I don’t wanna do this with you right now, ok? I have a lot of shit going on-” 

“Oh, you always have a lot of shit going on.” You spat, rolling your eyes at him. “It’s always something, Carmen, I swear to God. If it isn’t the menu, then it’s installing something new, or-or it’s events, or something! God, it’s always something!” 

“Yeah, yeah, it is.” Carmen snapped, jaw flexing through the mirror to look at you. “That’s kinda the territory of owning a business, baby.” 

“That’s bullshit.” You snapped. “That’s bullshit and you know it is. A lot of people own businesses and they still make time for what matters.” The room was still after you said it, an eerie stillness that had Carmen uneasy, stomach twisting with nerves. 

When he didn’t reply, your heart stopped, plummeting into the pit of your stomach. “Am-Am I not important to you?” You croaked through a tight throat. 

“What? Fuck, no, no, you are. Don’t-Don’t even start that shit with me, ok? You fucking know you are.” You know I love you. It was unspoken, but you heard it, the sentiment easing your worries for a moment. 

“Then why don’t you act like it?” You snapped, lips pressed together. “Why don’t you want to spend time with me?” 

“I do.” Carmen grit, throwing his head back gently. “Look, can we talk tonight? I really have to go.” 

“Of course you do.” You rolled your eyes, trying to hide the hurt in your tone. Tossing the comforter off you, the soft blanket fell in front of Carmen, his eyes tracking your storm off to the bathroom. 

“Baby, c’mon, I didn’t mean it like-” 

“Just fucking go, Carmen!” You sneered. “I’ve already wasted enough of your time, clearly.” He didn’t miss the flash of hurt across your face, brief, before you slammed the door shut, shaking the house.

Carmen didn’t want to leave you, he hated when you fought, always leaving him feeling guilty and sick and anxious. He was already reaching for his spirits with shaky hands, feeling his phone buzz- Sydney or Richie or Tina or someone calling asking him where he was. 

Running a shaking hand through his hair, Carmen grabbed his keys, stopping hesitantly outside the door. He could hear the steady stream of the faucet hitting the porcelain of the sink from the other side. “I love you.” He muttered, and while he didn’t expect you to reply, it still hurt to not hear it back.

“Oh, this is your new place, Chef?” Marcus grinned, following Carmen into the apartment, the smell of whatever candle you had burning enveloping his senses. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s, uh, it’s our place.” Carmen nodded, placing his keys in the small, green trinket bowl. Carmen laughed lightly, nodding towards it. “She did most of the decorating, as you can tell.” 

“It looks nice though.” Sydney chimed, clutching the bottle of wine behind Marcus. “Very cozy and homey and… aesthetic.” 

“Aesthetic?” Richie snorted, brow raised. “The fuck does that even mean?” 

“It means I had a plan going into decorating.” You appeared from the hallway, a basket of laundry on your hip. “I didn’t just tack up the Hooters’ girl calendar on the wall and call it decor.” 

Richie rolled his eyes at you, shutting the door behind him. “Whatever. I had a picture too.” 

You scoffed, setting the basket down in the hallway. Carmen grimaced slightly. “Hi, baby.” He greeted, lips brushing over your cheek. “I, uh, we’re gonna try a new dish.” 

“Oh?” You quipped, brow raised challengingly. “In my kitchen I just cleaned.” Carmen flinched, eyes cutting in a warning at you. “Why didn’t you do it at the restaurant?” 

“We didn’t have everything we needed.” Carmen replied, a flick in his tone that he hoped you caught on to. One that warned you to settle down. He wasn’t looking for a fight or any ounce of the attitude you’d had lately. 

“Hm,” You hummed, lips pursed. “Wish you would’ve told me before people came over.” You sneered behind a toothy smile that looked more like a threat than a convincing welcome. “I would have put on some actual clothes.” 

“Oh, c’mon, sweetheart. It’s just us.” Richie grinned. Even his goofy demeanor didn’t relax you, eyes cutting towards him in a chilling glare. 

“It was a last minute thing, baby, c’mon.” Carmen begged, eyes pleading with you softly. “Don’t do this right now.” He muttered, a soft huff of a request that had your blood boiling, itching with a blinding rage that could only be directed at him. 

“Don’t let me bother you.” You snapped, leaning down to snatch the basket back on your hip, eyes boring fiercely into Carmen’s blue ones. You stomped towards the bedroom, shutting the door so hard the walls shook. 

Carmen burned with embarrassment, sure his neck and cheeks were rising with flush. Richie whistled lowly. “Cousin, what did you do, huh?” He snickered. “She is pissed.” 

“She’s not pissed.” Carmen snapped, running a hand through his curls. “She’s just… fuck, I don’t know, alright? She’s on me about spendin’ time with her and-and… I don’t even fuckin’ know.” 

“I mean…” Sydney swayed awkwardly, sliding the bottle of wine on the counter. “That’s a valid thing to be mad about. Not spending time with her. That’s not, like, a crazy thing to be mad about.” 

“We live together.” Carmen sighed, exasperatedly. The same fight unfolding in front of him, just with a different person he was arguing his case to this time. “You know what- don’t answer that, alright? Just-Just… let’s make this dish, ok?” 

You could hear the low mummering outside your door, down the hall. You fisted the shirt- Carmen’s shirt- angrily, frowning at it like if you glared hard enough, it might just burst into flames. It didn’t, so you opted to throw it towards the side of his bed. You were a mad woman, possessed and furious, that anger only bristling more and more every time you could hear his voice, commanding and joking with his friends outside the door. Oh, it infuriated you. Now he was bringing work home, quite literally to your house. 

You couldn’t let your mind race like this, you wouldn’t. You knew if you let it stew, you’d be storming in there, screaming at Carmen and causing a scene in front of his friends. A version of you from the past would have, the same insecure and needy girl you were before you knew Carmen, when you were still chasing affection from a boy who rejected you for sport- who did it to hurt you purposefully. 

Instead, you took a breath, turning on the TV to some reality show that would keep you distracted. 

“Hey, baby,” Carmen’s soft voice followed the rasp on the door, pushing it open gently. The hallway light spilled in, his head following with soft eyes. “We have dinner ready if you want any. If you wanna be my taste tester.” There was a playful softness in his voice that made your heart lurch. Made you want to sob. 

“I’m not hungry.” You answered instead, jaw locking to keep the threat of tears from spilling out of your chest. 

Carmen’s face fell. “C’mon, don’t be like that.” He cooed, stepping into the room fully. He could see the way your lip wobbled when you spoke to him like that, sweet and coddling when you were so mad at him. “Come out here with me. Come try this, please? I wanna spend time with you, baby. Like you asked-” 

“-I meant alone time, Carmen.” You hissed, your voice a tad louder than it should have been. 

Carmen flinched, looking over his shoulder at the open door. He hoped your remark didn’t carry down the hall to the others. “I’ll send them home in a little bit. After we taste this, alright? Please?” 

You nearly caved. You wanted to. Wanted to let him sway you, put his hand on your hip and pull you into his side. Wanted him to cup his hand under your chin, fingertips barely brushing your jaw while he gave you that first test, blue eyes dazzling with excitement while he waited for your praise- you always gave him praise. 

But you couldn’t bring yourself to give in. Pride and your heart hurt, sensitive from feeling discarded, from the fights, from the frustration. You pressed your lips together, turning back to the TV. “I’m not hungry.” You snapped, cold. 

Carmen’s own face fell, heart sinking in his chest. “Ok.” He nodded. He watched you for a moment, the way you refused to look at him, sullen and pouty- so mean. Something flipped, a switch inside him that had his own jaw clenching. “Heard.” He bit, closing the door rather firmly, heavy steps down the hallway to the kitchen. 

“I came home to spend time with you-” 

“-No, you didn’t! You came home to fucking work!” You roared back. You and Carmen’s voices had been a building crescendo from the moment he came into the bedroom. His staff was gone, leaving just the two of you in the tension-filled apartment. 

“How is that not spending time with you?” Carmen’s voice boomed, reaching that final point in his tone- the point of no return. No chance of composure, no he was furious. Vein protruding, eyes bulging, kind of furious. “How?” 

“How?” You gawked back, a tight knuckled grip on the throw pillow. 

“Yeah, how? Tell me fuckin’ how that makes any sorta fuckin’ sense!” Carmen threw his arms out. “I would’ve stayed at the goddam restaurant-” 

“Maybe you should have.” You sneered, eyes narrowing at him. “You bring all those people here-”

“-Those people-” 

“-Yeah, Carmy, those people, and you say we’re spending time together.” You grit, teeth barred and angry. “I wanted to spend time with you. Just you.” 

Carmen’s jaw locked, running a hand down his face. “So you had to be so mean? So fuckin’ rude? That’s my family, my friends-” 

“And what am I?” You smacked the bed with an open palm, the echo a cutting silence between you two. Carmen froze, angry but still, watching you. Your jaw clenched, lips pressing together to keep your emotion in, furious and hurt. 

“I just wanted to spend time with you. You’ve been at the fucking restaurant all the time, and-and…” I miss you. What you didn’t say. 

Carmen’s arms crossed over his chest, jaw flexing. “Yeah, well, maybe I shoulda stayed there tonight.” 

The gasp that left you was soft, deflated with hurt. Your throat burned with the threat of tears, lip wobbling, nails digging into the cushion of the pillow still in your hands. “Get out!” You roared, pointing to the door. “Get the fuck out, Carmen! Fuck you!” 

“And go where, huh? This is my apartment too!” 

“Go back to your fucking restaurant! I don’t fucking care! Just go! I don’t want you anywhere fucking near me, you piece of shit!” Your chest heaved, nose running with the threat of tears that you tried to hold back. 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere this is my fuckin’ apartment, too!” Carmen roared, voice so loud it rattled the pictures on the bedside- framed photos of the two of you. 

“Fine.” You snapped, lips pressing together furiously. You snatched your pillow from your side, yanking your charger out of the wall, before turning and flinging the throw pillow at Carmen furiously. 

“The fuck are you-” 

“- I don’t want to be anywhere near you.” You snapped, tears leaking from the corner of your eyes that you tried to hide. “You want to be away from me? Fine. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight because I don’t want to even look at your fucking face right now.” 

Carmen watched in slow motion, the slamming of the bedroom door, which did shake the entire frame- your neighbors were going to be furious. The low creak of the couch, the one you’d bought when you moved in. You’d been so happy when you found it, a pretty little sectional from a discount store that you’d been positively giddy about. He and Richie and Marcus carried it up the two flights of stairs for you, and you’d squealed when he got it in the living room, arms thrown around him, peppering kisses into his cheek. 

God, Carmen would do anything to feel like that again. Instead of the piece of shit he felt like now, hands shaking with rage or nerves or everything. His stomach turned, lurching, mouth filling with spit that he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Oh, he felt sick. Repulsed at himself, at what he said, how he said it- to you. 

“Fuck!” Carmen’s voice made you jump, echoed and angry from down the hall. 

You curled further into yourself, pulling the throw blanket over your mouth to try and muffle your own sobs. Keep the sounds of despair in your chest, away from him. Your own chest aching, burning with emotions and hurt. 

You weren’t sure when you’d dozed off, chest still hiccuping with shaky sobs post-cry. Carmen’s footsteps startled you, soft- well, as soft as he could be against the hardwood floors creaking under his weight. Your eyes fluttered open, burning and blurry when you rubbed them, making out his figure above you, blankets and pillows huddled in his hands. 

“What?” You snapped, voice groggy with sleep and tears but the malice was still there. 

“Can’t sleep.” Carmen grunted. He hadn’t been able to sleep, not in that bed, not without you. Not knowing that you were hurt and angry and alone down the hall. Not knowing it was his fault. He spent the majority of the night leaning over the toilet, sobbing and heaving, wracked with a painful guilt. 

“You’re not sleeping in here. I meant it, Carmen, I don’t want to be near you.” You sneered, hoping he couldn’t see your tear stained cheeks in the illuminated light of the moon. 

“’m sleepin’ on the floor.” Carmen muttered, walking on the other side of the coffee table away from you. He groaned, spreading the blanket on the ground, plopping his pillow on top of it with a muted thud. “Can’t fuckin’ sleep without you, y’know that.” It was a soft admission, one that had your heart warming lightly, dulling the ache. 

You didn’t say anything else, turning towards the cushions and away from him, hearing Carmen settle on the other side of the room. “I just wanna say one thing, and I’ll leave you alone. I know you’re mad at me, don’t blame you.” Carmen’s voice cut through the silence of the apartment. “But I’m sorry. I’m really fuckin’ sorry for-for it all.” His voice hitched, a crack that had your own chest swelling with tears again. 

“I shouldn’t have ever yelled like that, or-or said that.” Carmen pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling, his chest from tightening even more. “And it’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you, or mean t’not. It’s just… I get so into things sometimes, and-and it’s like if I don’t finish it, I feel like everything is just wrong.” 

You didn’t reply. You weren’t sure what to even say. You knew Carmen was tightly wound, a perfectionist convinced that the slightest slip would leave his world crumbling. If he wasn’t ahead, he was wrong- it was how he was wired. 

“That’s not fair t’you and I know- I know that.” You could hear the staggered breathing in Carmen’s voice, his chest tightening and hands shaking. 

“Carmen,” You pushed up on your arms to look over the couch at him. 

“It’s not fair to you, and I’m sorry, and-and I’ll call Syd in the morning and tell her to cover the day-”

“Carmen.” Your voice cut his rambling off, his chest rising and falling sharply, you could see the silhouette of the night. “It’s ok.” 

Carmen laughed, humorless and watery, hands covering his face. “It’s not ok, it’s not fucking ok.” His breathing hitched, a strangled sob that had you wincing. “I-I’m a fucking dick.” 

“No,” You said easily, calmly. “I mean, yeah, you were earlier, but you’re not as, like, a whole a fucking dick.” 

Carmen sighed softly, lighter this time. “I shouldn’t’ve talked to you like that.” He admitted quietly, staring at the ceiling. “Shouldn’t’ve screamed at you either.” 

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have either.” You admitted, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry for being mean.” 

“You don’t have to-” 

“-Yeah, I do, Carmy. I was wrong too. Both of us were.” You said firmly. He didn’t reply, simply swallowing around the growing lump in his throat. “And I’m really fucking sorry about that.”  

“It’s ok.” Carmen whispered, his head lolling over to the side to look at you. “I’m sorry for being a dick, and-and not spendin’ enough time with you, and all the other stuff.” 

“It’s ok.” You nodded, looking at him carefully, taking in his wet lashes, shaking hands. “Do you want to… Let’s go to bed.” 

“I’ll stay in here, and you can go in the-”

“-No, Carmen.” You shook your head. “Come to bed with me, please.” You asked gently, sweetly. A complete turn around from before, screaming yells that left your voice hoarse traded in for soft words. 

“Ok.” Carmen whispered, sitting up in the dark quiet of your living room. 

You helped him gather the comforter, dragging it down the hall and slinging it over the bed, the two of you sliding under it. Carmen’s hands on your waist, your back, grabbing at your leg pulling you closer and closer until you were flush against his skin, nose pressed into your scalp. Trembling hands, running down your back. Whispered apologies and soothing words under the sheets. 

Tomorrow, he’d spend the day with you. He’d take you to State Street, let you drag him through the aisles of a store aimlessly, holding your baskets and coffee while you shopped. He’d take you out somewhere nice, though you’d tell him you’d rather him just cook for you- it was always better. You’d hang the mirror in the living room together, and you’d thank him by riding him on the couch. 

But that would be tomorrow. For now, it was the two of you, under the sheets clinging to each other, trying to make it better. 

[garfunklefield]

Chocolate roses

18+ viewer discretion advised

fem!reader/toji fushiguro Warnings: aphrodisiac, divorced Toji, mama-guro POV, make-up sex, creampie, breeding kink, squirting, pussy eating, fingering, doggy style, nipple play, make out, fluff, a bit of angst, the reader is in her thirties and Toji is like forty :/ Word count: 4577 words DESC: Your ex-husband Toji shows up unannounced to surprise your kids after school! At 10 AM! And some things go down when he eats chocolate meant for a bachelorette party and not him.

PSA this is inspired by the lovely I Always Come Back by HXLTIC that I read at 3 AM. This is not proofread although my friend was reading along so we ball ^-^

When Toji Zenin showed up at your door, the first thing you wanted to do was slam it shut in his face. But… the father of your children? You couldn’t bear to do that to him. So instead you heard him out. 

“I wanted to surprise Tsumiki and Megumi when they came home from school,” was all your ex-husband said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. His shirt was black and too tight for his well-built body. That was one thing you missed, but it was too early to think about running your hands up his chest. 

Instead, you turned your head to the side to peer behind him on your porch. It was a sunny day and only 10:03 AM. School typically got out at 2:30 and knowing your kids they’d be doing all sorts of extracurriculars, pushing their arrival home back by another two hours. 

God! Why did he want to come so … early? It would be about four hours of pure torture with the man you once swore you’d devote your life to. But things were different. Your vows were broken on both ends and you weren’t proud to admit it but a lot of the fall of your marriage was your fault. You had decided to go back to work and force your husband to stay home and watch the kids. He didn’t mind he enjoyed spending his mornings watching little Gumi and Miki. 

But then you started coming home later and later, dodging his kisses and calls in favor of making money. You lost sight of your marriage and he left you for it. If you truly admitted to yourself, you missed him. You missed him so much. But how could you tell him that? It had been five years since your divorce and the last thing you could do was call him crying trying to mend it. 

Toji had his walls up and you didn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed you would’ve done the same thing. 

“I don’t know…” You trailed off, looking down at the oversized orange cardigan you had bought at a local shop a few years back, “They won’t be back until the mid-afternoon.” Your voice took an unsure tone and your hands took to mess with the ends of your knitted sweater.

Toji always liked that on you and you could tell he still did. While he had his walls up he didn’t exactly hide his gaze. It slowly trailed up your body but not in a sexual way this time. In more of a familiar way. You hadn’t stopped this long to talk to him in a few years. Every time you’d see each other you were too embarrassed to speak to him for more than a minute. I mean, your failed marriage was your fault, right?

“I think you’ve been avoiding me,” Toji rested one hand on the frame of the door and the other on the door itself, pushing it forward with one strong movement, “You don’t have to be embarrassed. It was almost six years ago, I’m over it.”

Your eyes narrowed. Was it that obvious on your face? Could he just read all the emotions coming off of you? All the shame and regret he didn’t get to see because you were too busy waving him off. 

Without saying anything else your ex-husband pushed past you and plopped himself down on your white couch, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it to the side. He stretched out his legs and arms without looking back at you. Instead, he was focused on the decorations. It had been so many years since he was invited inside. With every year more regret and shame built up in your mind, so you stopped inviting him inside. 

“Yeah just… make yourself at home,” you sighed, walking to pick up his jacket. But then you stopped yourself and let out a breath. If he said he was over it then the least you could do was make it less awkward. Offer him something to drink?

“Do you want something to drink? Tea or lemonade?” You raised an eyebrow, motioning to the open-concept kitchen you had opted for, which differed from the one you two used to share. 

The raven-haired male glanced over towards the kitchen and one-half of his mouth turned upwards in a lopsided smirk, “You have any beer?” 

You blinked a few times as the request registered in your mind, “Toji it’s almost 10:30.”

“Fine,” he waved a hand and stood up, walking straight past you as if he had owned and built the place himself. He strolled up to the fridge and opened it, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes at the limited options, “I’m kinda hungry too… you don’t mind do you?” 

With that, a smile appeared on your face. For once Toji wasn’t very tense and for once you weren’t either. Maybe he was really over it, or at least somewhat over it. Or… maybe he was trying to move past it and make amends. Maybe coming over today so early was his way of saying “It’s okay, let’s move on together.” It was mature of him, something you never thought you’d think about Toji. He was mature. 

He noticed your smile and nodded, taking that as a yes to the fact you didn’t mind. Maybe your relationship was going to change for the better. 

“I bought Megumi and Tsumiki some rollerskates,” you began turning and walking to sit back on the couch. You didn’t want to hover over your ex-husband and he could pick his food himself. Besides, it was nice to talk as if no time had passed. 

“Am I gonna have to teach them how to skate?” Toji asked, with his head stuck inside the fridge rummaging around. There had to be something in there that he would like. After you divorced you stopped buying the things he liked, so maybe he wouldn’t find anything after all. 

You thought for a moment before nodding, like he could see you, “I think it would be a good bonding activity.” As you spoke your ex-husband came and sat down a foot away from you on the opposite side of the couch. 

He was munching on something you hadn’t bothered to glance over to inspect. Well you didn’t mind, he was the father of your children so if he ate your snacks it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the entire world.

You two sat in silence for a moment. You grabbed the remote and opted to play an old show you were both familiar with but didn’t have the energy to fully commit to. The silence was nice. It was comforting to sit next to someone who you once loved. Well… you still did love him but he didn’t need to know that. It was nice to pretend that nothing had changed and you were back to normal. 

“These chocolates are weird…” Toji murmured, wiping his mouth with the back of his right hand. Then he got up to go to the sink and wash his hands. 

Chocolates? Well, there were only a few chocolates in the fridge. Some you got as a Valentine's Day gift from Megumi, then some you had bought for a bachelorette party. But those were hidden away in the butter container on a high shelf, so none of your kids found them.

The special chocolates had some aphrodisiacs in them and for some weird reason, the bride-to-be requested you brought them for her. Something about a last day of freedom. Whatever it was you shrugged and did so. The packaging said you were supposed to keep them refrigerated and then in twenty to thirty-five minutes they would work. 

“Were they good? Megumi picked them out for me,” you looked back at him as he washed his hands. There was a different aura about your ex-husband as he stood washing his hands. His body was stiff and his muscles looked a bit tense.

He glanced back at you with a faraway expression before nodding and swallowing visibly, “They tasted a little weird, but eh,” Toji shrugged and sat down on the couch again. This time, though, just a bit closer than before. He crossed one of his legs, in a manly way, resting his ankle on his knee and bouncing the resting leg.

“Weird? Were they expired?” You frowned and stared at the TV. You never understood the hype of 1990s sitcoms but it was something better than sitting in more silence. With good silence, you always needed something in the background.

Toji blinked a few times as his lips pressed into a firm line. He took a moment to respond with the muscles in his jaw tightening. His eyes darted back and forth between the girl and the man on TV before he replied, “...Yeah.”

You frowned but said nothing else. Hopefully, you didn’t food-poison him. The one time you had your ex-husband over and he got sick? How bad would that look? You shook your head and moved some hair back behind your ear to the best of your ability, trying not to stare. He looked… different. More focused on the TV like it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

Maybe ten minutes had passed before he broke the silence again, “Can we turn on a fan? I’m running hot,” was all he said, but it was different than before. His voice was low, husky, and rasped. When he turned to meet your worried gaze, you were met with a familiar stare. 

He was… horny. 

Your eyes widened at the sudden realization as to what chocolates he ate, and why they tasted so weird. You were married to him for almost a decade of course you knew the exact look and what it meant down to the way he looked at you through a thick row of eyelashes. You knew what that clenched jaw and tightened bicep meant. He was trying desperately not to make a move on someone he swore he was over. 

You turned away and nodded, standing up to turn on the fan from the knob on the wall. As you did so, you felt those eyes penetrating your back and burning holes deep into your skin. Five years of pent-up lust was coming out and being thrown your way. You swallowed and looked back at the wall. You had to say something. Toji probably already knew he had eaten something laced and he was probably mentally freaking out, as much as Toji Zenin could freak out. 

“Toji-” You couldn’t even get a word out before he hissed and threw his head back. 

“Don’t… speak, doll,” he spoke through gritted teeth, “I don’t think these were Gumi’s chocolates, huh?” Was the last thing he managed to say before he used his forearm to wipe off some sweat forming on his brow. 

Just from sitting there for almost twenty minutes, he had looked like he had run a marathon, drenched in sweat and now … panting like a damn dog. It was so attractive you didn’t know what to do. Of course, you still loved him, we’ve established that. You’d do anything to get back with him and get one more chance to prove you aren’t money-hungry. But you wanted to do it if he wanted it, and you wanted to do it if he asked. You couldn’t take advantage of him, even if seeing him this aroused made you wet.

“They’re laced from a bachelorette party,” you explained quietly, slowly inching your way back to the couch to sit as far away from him as possible.

“That why they were in the butter dish?” He asked, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes. 

“Yes- did you seriously look through my butter dish?” A frown appeared on your lips before you shook your head, “Anyways. I’m really sorry. If you want you can go to the bathroom and … relieve yourself. I won’t judge.”

A few silent seconds passed before Toji moved his head to stare at you. It was pure lust, sure, but mixed into the lust was admiration. It was as if he was staring at you for the first time in a hundred years and seeing you for your soul. No one had looked at you like that, especially not Toji fucking Zenin. 

He blinked a few times and looked away, “Yeah… I should,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. Sweat marks lined his black shirt and you swore that they hadn’t been there before. 

“But,” a curious and sly expression came back to face you, “I’ve been missing you.”

You let out a breath, “That’s just the aphrodisiac talking.” 

He raised an eyebrow and moved his leg that had been crossed down to man spread a bit more than he had before. He was hard! Wow almost like we expected that, right audience? You glanced down at his bulge and for a moment you could picture exactly how it looked in your hands. But he cleared his throat and your eyes snapped back to your ex-husbands.

“So the aphro… whatever-s been making me miss you even before today?” 

He… missed you? Toji Zenin, the heartless man you managed to hurt… missed you? The man who divorced you because you cared more about money than your own family… missed you? 

That was the thing that made you realize you had completely soaked your underwear as you felt it uncomfortably cling deep into your cunt. You shifted around and pressed your lips together tightly. 

Of course, you missed him. Of course, you wanted him! Of course, you wanted your family back! 

“You miss me? Even after the shitty things I’ve done?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but you weren’t even sure he heard it over the throbbing of your heart. 

Your ex-husband nodded and looked down at his lap, “I haven’t been with anyone else in almost six years because I thought there’d be a chance you’d come back.” 

The puzzle clicked into your head and in that moment you felt like the most stupid person in the world. It wasn’t you who was waiting for the first move, but it was him. Toji, the one who was forward -the one who started your relationship by approaching you in that bar- wanted you to make the first move. And you were completely blind to see it. 

“I… was too scared to come back after treating you like that. I always thought if you wanted me back, you’d come back,” with that you laughed hollowly, but the laugh was cut short when you felt the couch's weight shift around. 

Within a second Toji was facing you then on top of you. His body hovered over yours with his face just watching you. It was completely different than the sex-hungry Toji you had married. Yeah you loved each other and you had romantic sex, but it wasn’t to this extent. He looked at you with five years' worth of lust and love. He hadn’t been with anyone since you, he hadn’t touched anyone, he hadn’t tasted anyone. Because… he was waiting for you. 

“I’ve been craving you, princess,” he whispered, “I haven’t been able to touch myself without thinking of you…” One of his hands slowly moved to your right side, cupping your waist and sliding to the top of your hip, “I should have never let you go.” 

You nodded slowly, letting one hand snake up to the back of his neck, “I want another chance. I want to make it better.”

Toj breathed out and a laugh followed suit. You had never seen him this incredibly desperate before. You had never seen him stare at you as if you were the only woman in the world and you never wanted it to stop. 

“Make it better and kiss me, doll,” was all he said before you did as he asked. Your lips melded together in a way that they hadn’t in several years. It was instant muscle memory, with his taste and his soft lips making your core ache for penetration. 

But it was different. He didn’t deepen the kiss at first, instead, he took his time to suck on your bottom lip. Toji wanted to taste you and savor you until there was nothing left to taste and savor. He wanted you to intoxicate him until he passed out. Even if he had never taken that aphrodisiac, his feelings would have never changed. Sure, they wouldn’t have been as sexual but where's the fun in that?

You felt a guttural moan pass your lips when he tilted his head to the right to deepen the kiss, and you heard him snicker. God you missed how cocky he would get and it seemed as if nothing had changed. His hands hadn’t changed either. They dipped into the hem of your sweatpants and traced the soft skin of your stomach. 

Toji had always loved how your stomach hung out of your body. It was a sign you had birthed two beautiful joys. And it was a sign you were capable of creating more joy with him and only him. He loved to bite and kiss every stretch mark and mole, every fiber of fat, even if he’d never say it out loud. 

Now he was too busy taking your mouth against his to speak about how beautiful your body was. One of his hands pulled down your sweatpants and the other pulled down your underwear. Your head was swimming from arousal you hadn’t noticed his hands pushing your legs open. But you did notice when he pulled away from your kiss. A trail of slobber dripped from his chin and onto your aching cunt. 

He knew exactly what you liked. I mean, you were married for almost ten years. He knew how delicate you wanted him to start, even if he’d groan and complain while doing it. Toji was always gentle when he began to stimulate your vulva. 

Two fingers ran down your slit before pulling back your lips and letting him use his tongue. Fuck, how you loved it when he fucked you with his long tongue. You didn’t know where he got that magical talent from but you weren’t complaining. Toji’s tongue slid from your clit down into your center, focussing on sliding his tongue back and forth against you. Your breath hitched at the sudden sensation. 

It didn’t take him long before he was circling back and sucking on your swollen clit. His mouth was made from gods and he used it to please you. Your hands trailed up your own body to grab onto one of your breasts. If he wasn’t going to stimulate your nipples then you were going to yourself. One hand slid underneath your cardigan to pinch the pink nub and roll it under your fingers. 

“Toji…mm-fu..fuck,” you breathed out, rolling your hips against his face which was completely stuffed into your pussy. Toji would tell you straight up he enjoyed eating you out for his pleasure, not anything else. Sure, he wanted you to cum, but he wanted to be able to taste you cum even more. 

He wanted to feel you squirt in his face and drink it up. Even if you thought it tasted bad he relished in it. And god did he miss this. He missed playing with your cunt until you were sore. He could just cum from eating you out and Toji was getting close. Just sinking in the tip of his cock in your folds at this rate would completely milk him. 

Toji pulled his face back to wipe off his mouth with the back of his hand, “Do you want me to fuck you… or would you prefer I make you squirt?” His voice was even more perfect than you could’ve remembered, and hearing it through your ringing ears made it more heavenly. 

“...Both,” you whispered, looking down at him with one eye closed and a smile pressed against your lips. 

He blinked a few times then grinned, “That’s my girl,” and he went nose-first into your center. It took him a few seconds to pry one hand from your thighs to pump inside you. At this point, you were accustomed to two fingers being the minimum for Toji, and that’s what he promised. 

Two fingers gently pushed inside of you but didn’t stay gentle for long. The last knuckle on his index and middle finger curled, followed by the second to create a motion he knew would touch your g-spot. Toji slowly moved them in and out, and in and out, and in and out. With each thrust of his hand, it got faster and you could feel a sensation rising in your lower body. 

Toji knew the only way to truly get you close was multiple ways of stimulation. So he’d typically eat you out, finger you, and massage your nipples. Thankfully you were taking care of your breasts which left your pussy to him. He ate you out like a starving man on death row whose last meal was something he hadn’t eaten in ten years with an endless supply. 

The sensation rising in your core hasn’t been talked about enough, huh? You felt it build directly inside your walls, as your G-spot was stimulated. Then it moved further out to your clit, then down your thighs and legs. Before it rushed over your head and made you throw it back in a loud moan. You were getting close and you couldn’t even verbalize it. But Toji knew exactly what to look out for to know when you were close. And he could tell when you were about to squirt. 

And you were about to squirt. 

“T-T…hah fu-fuck Toji,” you groaned, letting go of one of your breasts to grab a fist full of his hair. He didn’t say anything so as not to disrupt the magic he was brewing in your nether regions (ba dum tss). 

He bobbed his head up and down a few times and tempted fate by adding in a third finger. It wasn’t so much that you couldn’t take it, but more so that he knew exactly what it was going to do. Within a few seconds, you gasped and let out a loud moan, with a shudder running through your body. Another shudder and you felt yourself release on him. It was one thing to squirt and not feel it, but it was another to feel the sensation of releasing your liquids. 

It jutted out of your pussy and onto your grinning ex-husband's face. He laughed a bit and wiped his mouth with his forearm, before going down and licking up your juices on your thighs and a bit on your clit. 

“H-hey,” you whimpered, nudging his forehead as he started to eat you out again, “You’re getting distracted…” 

Toji blinked a few times before sitting up and looking down at your shaking body, “Shame this couch is white…” He shrugged, reaching one of his hands out to grab your shoulder. Both hands grabbed your shoulders and gently turned you around so you were lying on your stomach, with a pillow added to your front to make sure you were comfortable. 

You heard a belt unbuckle then some shifting as he undid his pants and then underwear. Toji knew you enough to know you were on birth control, so condoms weren’t a concern of his. You both had a breeding kink, who doesn’t? He loved the feeling of filling you up with his cum until he was completely dry, and it wouldn’t take him very long to finish at this rate. 

“I’m gonna go in,” he whispered, patting your hip. 

Then before you could speak, but let’s be honest you were completely gone by this point, you felt a swollen tip press against your folds. You didn’t even get a moan in before you heard a faint… whimper from Toji. He cleared his throat and thrust in fully, gasping and leaning forward against your body involuntarily. 

“I… haven’t fucked anyone in six ye…years,” he gasped again. Any other movement and he’d cum instantly. So much for hot rough sex. But still, he was determined to fuck you until you came again. 

“Me… either…” You murmured into the couch, letting your eyes close against the wet cushion. A wet cushion you would be dealing with tomorrow. 

“God. I missed you. I missed you so much,” Toji repeated a few more times, straightening his posture and fastening both hands to your hips. He pulled back and slowly began to thrust. Not for your sake but for the fact he wanted to elongate this feeling as much as possible. 

His thrusts got a bit faster and his grip tighter, “...I’m… mm gonna fill y-you with my seed. I-I want anothe…mm fuc-fuck another b…hah…. Baby.” That was all you needed to hear. 

A family, you’d be starting another family together. Too bad you were on birth control. But for now, you could pretend this would be the start of your new family. It turned you on as much as it made you happy. The man you loved, loved, and wanted a family with you. God, that was nice. And what was even nicer was the fact he was beginning to rail you. 

Six years was six years too long. You ached for him to fill you up with fat, hot spurts of his white cum. You wanted him to stuff you to the point where you leaked and cried for it to end. You needed him to impregnate you so you both would be together for the rest of your lives. 

You needed Toji to be yours now. 

Toji was getting close, it was obvious by the way he thrust and the way he cursed. It was sloppier than his typical sloppy strokes and his voice got a bit higher than normal. That’s when you knew he was overstimulated and about to burst at any given moment. You wanted to speak and scream for him to fill you up, but the only thing you could do was mindlessly beg into the air. Neither of you seemed to hear or notice each other's words as he… came. 

You never heard Mr. Zenin full-on whimper until that day. It was clear it came out accidentally from how his hips jutted forward and he pulled you instantly to him. He whimpered out a loud “I love you” and whined as his cum shot out. It filled you up more than you remembered he used to. His whimpers weren’t very high-pitched but they were pathetic. It was the cries from a man who hadn’t fucked in almost six years, and the cries of a man who missed your pussy so much.

If you ever get the chance to make a buff, deep-voiced, grown man whimper, I highly encourage it. 

Toji slid out of your cunt and flopped back onto the couch, leaving you for a moment to lie with your ass in the air. You were so tired you didn’t even notice when he grabbed you from behind and pulled you to his chest. His warm arms wrapped protectively around you and for once you felt as though everything had gone back to normal. 

Toji Zenin would be Toji Fushiguro again. 

[fanficwriterlover]

My Choice Our Consequence

Chapter 1: The Consequence...

Summary: You're a sniper/medic, part of the team 141. Everyone considers you their light, however, your light has diminished and has started taking a toll on the rest of the team because of a choice you made...now you have to face the consequences of your actions and live with that reminder forever..

Expectations: Slow burn, Breakup, Depression, Panic Attacks, Yelling, Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of SA, Romance, Slow Romance, Fighting, Violence, Blood, Killing, Shooting,Stabbing, Smut, Fluff, Flirting, Teasing, etc...

Call Sign: Hera or Lil Light

Word Count: 7.4k

A03 Version

Did you predict this would happen to you ? No...not to your full extent of your brain capacity. Were you regretting that night because you were emotional that night and took a huge risk ? Absolutely ! You wanted to kick yourself so hard for how stupid you were for not being rational, and God for bid even allowing him to keep it in. Yet, there you were, trembling in your bathroom holding a mere plastic with such simple symbols that held so much weight...

"Fuck..." you mumble to yourself. To be honest, you were horrified by this revelation, because you had broken up with your ex over a month ago, and neither of you had sex in well ages... yet during your time of solitude, you took the liberty to drown your pain with another man. Now in some cases this shouldn't be a big deal right ? I mean...just tell the man you laid with, that apparently your birth control didn't really prevent the bastards bloody seeds from entering your womb and creating a growing child. Oh yeah, with that, your ex decided to walk back into your life wanting a second chance, and he's been awfully persistent in stalking and threatening via text messages and more. Oh and to top it off...the possible father to be, had been avoiding you like the plague. So yes...everything is just lovely. You groan out in a choked sob yet you grumbled with anger. Of all people and of all times...why you ?

Over a month ago~

You had to get yourself together though, because unfortunately you weren't some mere woman who just happened to be knocked up...oh to make it worse you just so happened to be a Sargent who is part of the task force 141 as their designated sniper/medic and to make it WORSE. You were supposed to be leaving for a mission in the next hour. You dropped the plastic into your sink as you slouched down onto the cold tile flooring pressing your back to the wall and cradling your head "Oh fuck...what am I going to do" you nearly sobbed trying to hold back your tears from gushing down your cheeks.

God forbid they notice the tear stains on your cheek, or puffy eyes that are blood shot and red nose, your team will definitely be on your arse about what's got you so moody. Honestly when you noticed your mood being more...well gruff you simply thought it was due to stress. Especially what happened a month ago....all you wanted was to be left alone to eat your breakfast especially with how horrible your morning has started, the one solitude moment of peace and enjoyment. Mind you, you loved the company of Soap and Gaz (your teammates) but for some reason, their obnoxious banter and rowdiness was only making you irritable. Honestly you thought it was from lack of sleep considering a week prior your ex has been unrelenting on getting a hold of you, asking for forgiveness and wanting to try again.

He was a civilian, you knew him since highschool before you enlisted. However, this job demanded a lot and your time became few and few. Which caused a tear in your relationship, even though your ex knew of the reality of your job you always did your best to reach out to him and spend any waking hour to contact him. Sure, there was signs of distancing but you didn't know better....then after one mission, you came back early, and as eager as you were to surprise your once boyfriend, you found him on your couch with another woman. It was an earth shattering moment. In that moment of weakness you did something stupid...

I don't know how long I was standing outside in the rain...shaking and crying. An hour ? Two ? Three ? Did it honestly matter ? The image of your boyfriend in between the legs of a woman you've never seen on your couch shattered you into pieces. You were standing before the gates at your base, debating on whether to return to your bunk, but everyone knew you would be going home to your flat to be with your boyfriend. Yet the idea of confrontation by your team wasn't something you wanted to deal with at the moment. Let alone for them to see you in such a state. So you decided to do your best to sneak past everyone. Slowly dragging your feet, you made your way into the building where all the bunkers were, you could hear members laughing loudly and celebrating as you passed the lounge area. You tried to remain unnoticed and silent, sneaking by, which in the moment you thought you were successful. Drawing near as you kept walking down the halls to your door, however, what you didn't realize was a looming shadow who was watching your every move. Just as you were about to open your door-

"Why are you drenched ?" A deep Manchester voice spoke, that all so familiar voice sent a rush up your spin and it wasn't even from the cold of your soaked clothes. His voice always made you tremble and flustered. Hesitantly you made eye contact with the owner of the voice, seeing the balaclava of the skull man standing dauntingly 6'4" with his blonde lashes partially slitting his almond eyes that took in your features. Even with his eyes on you, you wanted to shrink. Mind you, Ghost and you had no qualms with one another but you always found him intimidating yet together you worked well as a team. "I- went for a walk and ended up getting rained on" you fumbled up a lie avoiding eye contact squeezing your hand on the door knob silently praying he wouldn't notice.

"That so?" He says lowly. It makes you gaze back up at him once more not fully looking in his direction as he had his arms crossed still looking down at you, you heavily gulped "Y-Yeah ?" You could see a partial shift over his eyes, it meant he raised a brow at you before approaching you more as he stood directly behind you now, his chest nearly pressing up behind you, this made you hesitantly turn to face your Lieutenant who was looking down at you more seriously. His head tilting down at your short figure his arms coming down to his sides. You had to put a hand up onto his chest to stop him from drawing any closer as your heart began to race and you immediately averted your gaze from his towering figure.

You didn't even realize he had you pinned into your door with his hand over you gripping the ledge of the doorframe as you could feel the rise in your cheeks. "You 're lying. What did he do ?'" his eyes scanned over your features. Obviously the rain did very little to hide your tear stained cheeks and the redness in your eyes. Yet you still refused to meet his gaze. For what felt like an internity his gloved hands reached up and lifted your chin slowly. The sensation of his rough leather skeleton gloves made your eyes widen as he tipped your chin up to meet his looming gaze. How could you look away now. Your eyes latched on to his menacing gaze. You can see his eyes slightly flickered with some kind of emotion...now you wouldn't consider yourself an expert on reading his expressions but you'd like to think you could a little....yet it was impossible that Ghost...the Lieutenant Ghost was sympathetic for you ?

Don't even think you realized what was happening or that he had slightly lifted his balaclava up just over the bridge of his perfectly shaped nose, that showed the hint of a scar that peeked under his mask across his strong high bone cheeks and perfect lips that has a scar slicing the right corner. You didn't even realize then, he leaned near your ear and whispered "Y/n...snap out of it" ....wait no thats not what he said.

"Oi ! Earth to y/n ! You get any shut eye ? I miss your sexy voice Bonnie" Soap snickered as you were brought back into the moment having been in position, as it seemed your mind was seamlessly going to recall that moment between you and the Lieutenant yet, your body already knew what it was doing. You had your sniper rifle in front of you with the scope brushing at your long eyelashes. You were stationed not that many klicks from where the boys were moving into action. You could see Soap stealthily moving around another building trying to move closer to the targets building without alerting the guards until they've breached their walls. Of course, the living myth and legend was leading them closer to the building, he camouflaged impressively well into the shadows for such a big guy.

Again your mind was drifting and the static in your comms rang through your ear as your Lieutenant spoke "Hera. Take the two on the west building." This snapped you to attention as you shifted your scope as he had directed, your finger moving to the trigger as you took a deep breath to stop your queasy stomach. Pulling the trigger you took down one man, who crumbled down quickly the other becoming aware of his partner down but before he could so much as spread the word you had pulled the trigger already and he was down as well. You radio into your comms "Clear. Proceed with caution Bravo 0-7, there's 4 at the back entry." You locked your rifle as you moved your eyes from the scope "Copy that Hera." He says through the comms. You had to shift positions now, lingering in one spot was dangerous, as you slid back from your spot out of sight hitting your comms "Alpha 2-8 moving positions" you swiftly made your way to another spot that gave you a different angle to where the boys were going to be entering as you got into your knees setting down your rifle.

Yet something felt very wrong. You were frozen to the spot, listening intently, your nose, due to your pregnancy, it was heightened and you could smell someone's sweat from where you were. Over the comms you could hear that Soap and Ghost had already breached the walls making their way to find the enemy hiding within the walls. Behind you, there was nothing but high grass, and you were wearing beige clothing to blend to the tall dying grass.

You pull out your knife and pistol, clicking off the safety and check it's loaded. Even now the scent was more potent, you wanted to throw up, the unwanted man was wearing heavy cologne of sorts and for anyone in the SAS that's a stupid move. Even now you could hear the ringing in the comms as Ghost and Soap updated on their movement and such.

Yet even when you heard them ask "Soap, to Alpha 2-8, what's ya status lass ? " you could hear the slight panic in Soap's voice yet right now you were remaining still observing your surroundings. Even now you can hear how frantic Soap was becoming and the deep booming voice of your Lieutenant sounded through your earpiece "Hera. What's your status." He sounded gruff and annoyed probably not to you but you did catch between the two over the comms that the enemy was not in the building and that it was a setup.

That much you already knew. You reached for the comms pressing the button and speaking softly "This is Alpha 2-8....my post has been compromised" and yet that is when you saw your stalker lunge out from the tall grass, immediately you pulled the trigger, but not before he tumbled into you having a knife in hand slicing your shoulder deeply, you yelped upon impact, tumbling to the ground, hitting the back of your head, but not hesitating to wrap your legs around the man who was trying to stab you hovering over you with him trying to push it down to your throat. You grunted trying to hold his grip as he straddled you down, you can hear Soap frantically calling through the comms "Oi! Hera ! Answer us Bonnie !" You couldn't as you grunted pushing with legs to knee him in the groin which caused him to roll off you. Quickly you reached for your dagger and rolled to where he was stabbing down hitting him then the chest, as you didn't hesitate to grab your pistol that was tossed to the side and shoot him in the head.

Panting hard you held your stomach immediately feeling sick, the blood all over your hands and face, the scent...oh God that potent iron scent. You had to move away to empty your stomach all the whole Ghost and Soap were making their way back to your last known location hearing you hurl your stomach. Ghosts loud booming voice could be heard from a distance while he hit the comms "Hera !" You began to cough more as you tried to take deep breaths. Reaching painful to the comms with your wounded shoulder "I'm good. Just had a tussle."

You were shaking looking away from the dead man, not aware that Ghost and Soap reached you. They took in the scene then you. Soap quickly approaching you seeing you look sick and bleeding "Jesus Bonnie... thought we lost you, you sure ki-" he paused mid saying "Aye...you good ?" You were going to respond but it felt like your stomach was acidic. You didn't even know. But your vision began to blur and you fainted. You could only feel strong arms quickly catch you before the fall but it was numb everywhere throughout your body. You could see the skull mask hovering and the slight glimpse of the Mohawk figure looking over you trying to get your attention. But your eyes closed.

White, a color you probably absolutely hated seeing that blinded you in every corner. Sitting in the chair your legs dangling as you fiddled with your fingers. You had recovered after you've fainted when they loaded you on the chopper, you assured the team you were just dehydrated. But of course, Lieutenant gave you that knowing glare that made you relent. You knew what the doctor was going to say, he drew your blood, tended your wounds, and checked for bruising which was on your hips, wrists, and chest.

Even now your anxiety was high as you nearly jumped out of the chair at the sight of a familiar doctor who you'd often work with around the med base. Dr.Connar. Good looking man, he was slender tallish(no where close to military big like Ghost) tustled brownish black hair, deep brown eyes and genuine smile. He was holding your chart and you knew what to expect. "We have got to stop meeting like this y/n." He snickered seeing you as he pulled up a chair in front of you as you gazed up at him waiting for the inevitable. "So...your wound isn't infected. Just some mild bruising will be gone in a couple days. You hit your head I see. Slight bleeding nothing serious though...." this was when he gazes up at you seriously over the chart we he was reading resting it on the table to the side, he leaned forward his elbows resting on his knees as he looked at you seriously

"As you know... protocol. I have to check your blood to ensure you were not given anything into your bloodstream or got an unknown infection." You nodded your head slowly not averting your eyes from his serious gaze. "Then you also know...I must give this report to your Captain of your condition? " you flinched as he considered it as a condition now looking down. His eyes still boring into you as he let out a sigh "What the fuck y/n ! You should've been nowhere near the battlefield. You could've been seriously hurt or killed !" You flinched a bit more, tears forming in your eyes as you couldn't hold it any longer.

"You don't think I don't Fuckin' know that ?!" You cry out in anger yet he doesn't so much as flinch just simply gives you a sympathetic look. "I didn't ask for this ! Any of it !" You get out of the chair huffing annoyed as you began pacing the room his eyes watching your every movement. " You know since you are my patient I'd have to put in you are suspended from combat, training, or field work. Considering even maternity leave by second trimester." He says so casually but it makes you glare daggers at him, deep down logically you know he's right but...fuck you didn't want to have everyone questioning you why you're being pulled off when you are physically fine.

"Please Peter....don't do this to me." You beg him looking at him, he stands up placing a hand on your shoulders making you look at him "Y/n... believe me. I am not doing this as your doctor. I'm doing this as your friend. If something were to happen to you-" you interjected "Nothing will, I can fight-" yet he grips your shoulders more firmly "No ! You could've lost it or your life ! I will not stand by as your doctor or friend to put your life or that child in harms way !"

Child. Huh. Funny, you just found out... could barely even consider it a child as it's just a mere embryo at this point not even a human body formed yet. But deep down, without so much thought your hand slid down touching your stomach and Peter guided you to sit into the chair. "You're my dearest friend. I know this is terrifying...but you have to think outside yourself now" you glance at him as he was boring into your eyes. You knew he was right...deep down you would want to protect your growing child. However, knowing the horrors of the world and your enemies made you terrified to think the timing was just horrible. You couldn't stop. The tears rolled down your face heavily and you sobbed into your friend's shoulder as he let you, hold you.

The next day, you were asked into the office by Captain Price, everyone was expecting you to have to hand in your medical sheet, yet you begged your friend to allow you to talk it out with your captain. You were terrified. Gazing at the door in front of you that had Price's name plate on it, you tentatively rasped your knuckles onto it. As if immediately you hear the Liverpool accent gruffly acknowledge "Enter." John has always been a comforting Captain despite his ranking he valued every solider it's why you remained loyal to this taskforce especially after being handpicking from him. He glances up from the piles of papers he was signing off seeing you enter as he gave you a content smile "Good seeing you Y/n. How are you feeling?"

He motions for you to sit as you do so nervously, "Good sir...um I brought you my medical chart" you reluctantly stretch it out within hand to offer him to look at it as he takes it, even before he opened it you spoked "Permission to ask a favor sir ?" This caught his attention as he set the file down taking in your nervous features. You looked nervous, barely looking like you've slept and definitely have been crying. He tips his head to tell you to go on "Go on..." you let out a shakey breath. "I'd like to request that...my medical condition not be shared outside this room please ?" You almost whispered the please, your eyes begging him to understand and this was a request he was taken back from. Setting the file down rather to hear it from you then read it himself . Honestly John's heart was beating so hard, it was going loudly in his ears "I'll agree...that is if you tell me what it is you have ?"

Honestly his eyes raked over your form, despite being small, you weren't exactly weak, infact he wouldn't even consider you the type to have an illness so imagine his surprise to your request yet nonetheless he was patient and understanding.

You bite your lower lip gripping at the knees of your cargo pants shamefully looking down starting to shake, John placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. You didn't realize he was sitting in front of you at the edge of his desk leaning forward. He was willing to wait until you were ready to tell, and looking into his ocean eyes you gave in "I- I'm pregnant sir..." his eyes were wide for a moment reeling from the news.

Sure he knew you had a boyfriend but you hadn't interacted with him in months that much he was aware of. He would console you some nights when you'd cry about being distant and how he doesn't treat you or touch you the same. Of course he wanted to support you, you were like a daughter to him, so he spoke softly yet with authority "I can see this is a big deal...then I am to presume..." glancing at your figure he didn't know much about pregnant women but he could tell you were no where near showing. "I will not reprimand you y/n...but I need to know." He looks at you seriously waiting.

You knew what he was asking for and it made you even more scared. Having to tell your friend was already a huge step but to tell your captain? "L-Lieutenant G-Ghost sir..." you looked down with shame.

However Price was more shocked than anything. Their Simon Riley? He wanted to gawk at this news but knew that's not what you needed right now, quite frankly he had to contain to his rank. Sitting back "You are aware of the consequences to such inappropriate conduct ? You could be stripped of your rank and court martial." He frowns at you seriously which you nod your head seldomly "Y-Yes sir" he sighs out pinching the bridge of his nose "Does he know ?" This makes you flinch. You really did not want to walk up to your Lieutenant and tell him you're possibly pregnant with his child. That's a big F no. You glance up at your Captain. "No sir... I don't think I can." He gives you a look as you respond immediately "Please Captain, I don't want to cause trouble. I'm begging you. Please make an excuse to suspend me." You gave him a pleading look.

Now under most cases he would've given into your puppy dog eyes but this was serious. You were asking him not only as a Captain but as the best friend to Ghost. To go behind his back and lie to him. He crossed his arms over his chest letting out a deep sigh "Y/n...I am not keen on withholding information from my lieutenant-" you were about to interject yet he raised his hand, which made you silence blushing heavily heart racing "However...I'll grant this request on ONE condition." You seemed hopeful with this proposition. Yet John gave you a very straight look, "I don't care when you do it. But you MUST tell my Lieutenant." He looks at you daring you to object. Now deep down you wanted to. The fear in your eyes was evident. Approach Ghost ? No way...I can barely handle his intense gaze let alone confronting him about this. You bit the inside of your cheek considering it, before relenting "I-I agree sir...when I find the right time. I will. I promise." He studies you looking to see if you were lying but he found none, if anything he just saw how fearful you were from all this so he had to trust you.

Nodding his head accepting that answer he moved back around to his chair sitting down "I will work on a reason for your suspension until you've well..." he seemed flustered to say the least as he cleared his throat. "I'll have Laswell make sure to come up with a decent reason to keep the other lads off your radar." You smile gratefully nodding you head. As you salute him then take your leave. You didn't realize how much you were holding your breath as you let out a shaky breath. Great...now how do you tell a Ghost that he knocked you up ? Grumbling softly you began walking to your bunker, by now, Price was probably working up a reason for your suspension so it seemed only right to pack. Perhaps maybe you'll find the right thing to say to him...why you....such a big responsibility on your shoulders and yet you have to make a choice. Yet depending on what you choose...will it be good ? Or make it worse ?

You make your way down the hall, heading to the food court where everyone was gathered, grabbing their trays of food. Seeing faces that were unfamiliar or people you recognize but never really got to know. Everyone was chatting with another. You took in the room, it was almost overwhelming. Especially the smell, god, the smell of men was potent. Was it always this musky smelling with different colognes drifting through the air. It made you want to hurl your stomach. That was when you felt a large arm drape roughly over your shoulders causing to grunt from the impact as you look up to meet a familiar blue eyes and Mohawk figure. Soap. “There you been lass ! Save a seat for ya’ !” You sigh inwardly “Jesus Christ Soap, I just got discharged-“ he seems to immediately look at you worriedly “You broken Bonnie ?” he studies you almost inspecting to find the source of your pain “Nah, I’m good. Just bit sick to the stomach” he seems to relax at that patting you gently on the shoulder and pushing you to go up to grab some food “Glad you good, had us worried there for a ‘ec, shoot, don’t think I’ve ever seen LT so panicked.” He wiggles a brow at you which makes you shrink and blush before batting his arm away as you grab a tray to pick out food. “Oh hush Soap…any news since-?” you ask curiously as you grab fruits and a salad then take a glance in his direction.

He was stacking his plate up with everything. Jesus that man could eat. It made you start to realize now that you should probably eat more than you’re used to since now you’ll be feeding for two. You decided based on the selection of food presented that you would think your stomach would tolerate is a simple chicken sandwich. Placing it on your plate Soap mumbles lowly “No…nothing. Fuck’n sucks. Feels like we just chasing shadows.” You look up at him sympathetically and toss and apple at him which he fumbles to catch yet does looking at you “You need to even out your diet Soap. Need some form of fruit or veggies in that belly of yours.” As you look down with a smirk to his tray. Boy this Scottish man can eat, not one not two BUT three sandwiches. You snort shaking your head dismissively walking toward where Gaz was seated at a table waving the two of you over. As Soap snaps back “Oi ! I’ll have you know I gotta feed my gains ! We all can’t be tiny and slender like you” he grumbles. This makes you blush, because already you felt you were more bloated than usual. Sure the bump wasn’t as pronounced if anything looked like you gained a few pounds. However, you were always athletic and physically in shape.

Taking a seat next to Gaz you smile at him, which he returns the gesture “Glad to see you well Hera. Had us all worried.” You blush and smile at him. Oh Gaz was probably secretly your favorite he was charming and sweet and absolutely the best kind of friend you could ask for. He is the definition of blood brother. You two always looked after each other and you were the one who mentioned his name to Price so there was a mutual friendship long before the taskforce. “Sorry for making you worry…by the way where’s Ghost ?” you cock your head looking at both men. They seem to frown at the mention of his name but Soap finally answers “Honestly…’aven’t seen him much lately…LT been very weird lately. But I bet he’ll be happy to see you up and about,” he pats your shoulder playfully smirking at you. You laugh softly. Eventually you finally begin eating, guess they seem oblivious to asking why you fainted which you were glad. They knew exactly how to make you relax, between their bickering and story telling they made you relax and feel normal and forget about the looming secret growing.

Immediately your instinct is to reach to your thigh where you usually wore your strap holding your dagger but of course. You were literally butt naked. Turning fully to look at the figure, you realize it’s none other than Ghost. You breathe out a sigh “Fuckin’ hell Ghost. Why you have to be such a creep !” you hiss out in an annoyance after nearly being scared trying to soothe your heart rate down as you look at his eyes rake over you. “You need to sharpen your awareness then. Could’ve been anyone.” He says seriously, his arms crossed over his chest looking at you. Now not only were you flustered but him correcting you at the moment really triggered you as you snap, “Well I shouldn’t need to be on guard on base !” you glare at him, yet he doesn’t so much as seem bothered by your features. Instead he approaches you, moving closer as he looks down at you. Your back pressed into the edge of the sink as he leans forward-

The day went by so quickly, you went with the boys to shoot some rounds, finally approved by your friend to hold a rifle to shoot some rounds. Of course, your aim is flawless when holding your favorite rifle It made you feel normalize in your life. After that you decided be best to take a shower as there are so few women on this base, and most the building was set up for men, you’d often wait until late as possible to be able to shower in peace. Taking a change of clothes and a towel you enter the shower room setting your bag down and undressing. Immediately your eyes scan over your naked form, for now you showed no signs. In fact you still looked sleek and fit. Yet you knew the wiser. Glancing at the side of your profile, you immediately felt insecure, the idea your body will change and expand that you’ll put on weight made you shiver. Tearing your eyes from the mirror you step into a shower stall and turn on the water. The gushing of cold hits your hand as you wait for it to warm up, now normally your body could handle such, but now you felt it was too cold to tolerate. Even with your body barely been pregnant long it already seems to be shifting to accommodate this unborn form.

You step under the warmth of the water letting it glide over your body. Its almost cleansing feeling the water graze over your body, as you comb your fingers through your scalp down to the end of your hair length. You began rubbing yourself with your bar of soap and sponge taking your time to clean yourself fully. Once you finished you turn off the water and wringing out your hair before reaching for your towel. The bathroom room was now full of your shower steam as it fogged the mirrors. You stood in front of one of them with your towel wrapped around, leaning closer you use your hand, in a circular motion to clear off the fogged mirror only to see a skull mask looking directly at you.

Ghosts POV

When they heard you over the comms tell them your spot been compromised he felt horrified that they wouldn’t have been able to get back to you on time and would’ve found you dead. Yet instead, they found you losing your stomach. It was all weird. You were if anything the most toughest women he’s met aside from Laswell, and that speaks volume. You were someone he let his guard down with, without regret. He didn’t mind showing you his darkest side, his pain, his reminders, and face. You took him in. You acknowledged him. You were patient with him too which is something he respected about you. You were someone who carried them self with such maturity, purity, and selflessness. And he…stupidly took advantage of that. From that night.

The minute you began to faint, he was immediately lunging to your side and catching you before you hit the ground. Judging by your state, didn’t seem like you were wounded extremely. Maybe some bruising. However, he found it unusual that you were losing your stomach after killing a man. I mean, everyone’s done stuff that made them sick, but he’s seen you calm and collected stabbing a man in the neck when you were lunged at one time during a mission. He always found you resilient so seeing you this sensitive seemed odd. Soap disrupted his thoughts looking down at your passed out form “Oi, Bonnie !” he immediately checked your pulse yet he knew wiser “She ‘s alright Soap. Just fainted from the looks of it.”

He then reaches to his vest still cradling her in his arms as he radios in the help, “Nikolai, bring the helo to RV. Coming in hot, Hera fainted.” He immediately picks you up bridal style, despite wearing a vest and armor you were still light. He nods his head, “Keep up Soap” as he already begins running to the rendezvous. Upon seeing the chopper lower, you began to stir in his arms and mumbles hoarsely “I-Im good. You can put me down Ghost.” He doesn’t even look down at you saying deeply “Didn’t look that way Sargent.” Yet you protest more, which he relents to setting you carefully onto the ground. His hands honestly wanted to linger over you longer but Soap came in supporting you with your arm over his shoulder “Aye ! Glad to have you back Bonnie. Gave us quite a scare !” he shouts over the loud chopper blades as they both walk in sync to load in.

Ghost lingers a good distance scanning their surroundings before getting into the chopper. He sits across from you, his eyes not leaving your frame. You seem distant... Like your mind was elsewhere yet you tried to remain present in the moment. He couldn’t help but try to read you as you made your best attempt to assure everyone you’re fine. But he could see otherwise. The way your eyes fluttered, how you forced a fake smile that seemed to work on others but couldn’t fool him. He also couldn’t help but notice how your hand instinctively went to touch your stomach.

He squinted his eyes, ‘Did you get hit in the stomach ? Is she hurt ? She didn’t seem bothered when I had my hand there carrying her.’ All these thoughts ran through his mind during the whole flight back. Once they finally returned, you of course tried to brush off that you were fine, yet Ghost wasn’t having it. You were off. He could feel it. He simply gave you a stern look and a sharp tone, “No. You’re getting checked up. End of discussion Sargent.” This made you flinch with his tone, but he had no choice. You wouldn’t have listened to reason no matter how much Soap begged or even asked you. However one thing he did admire you for, as a soldier, you always obeyed orders. You made your way to the med base, his eyes never leaving you as he wanted to make sure you actually headed that direction, yet Soap pulled him from his line of sight. “Gee, LT, didn’t have to be all ‘trict on ‘er.” Ghost side glances Soap with a slight brow raise. Then huff. “I don’t care. She needed to be told. She listened. ‘nough said” Taking his leave before Soap could say anything else he needed to get his mind off you.

Now he stands in front of you, with you barely covered before him. This was different. He could see the traces of bruising form on your shoulder. One was peeking just above your cleavage. His eyes took you in as your drenched form stood in front of him shying away from his line of sight as he was so close to you. He’d give anything to feel you again like before especially as you stand here practically exposed to him. Yet, as much as he wanted to give into his temptations... “I ‘ear you been askin’ ‘round for me,” his eyes scan between yours as you seem to gulp at this, obviously indicating it was true. “But now you loss for words ?” you bite the inside of your cheek, obviously he hit a nerve. Cocking a brow as he saw the strength in your eyes that always made him honestly want to give in. You spoke-“I was….there was something I wanted to tell you,” he tilted his head to the side narrowing his eyes a bit then nods “Well what is it ?” He takes a step back from you, his broad arms crossed as he gazes down at you.

He was leaning close to your ear, you were trembling before him, your hands out pressing onto his hoodie chest. His heart rate spiked from under your touch. Your lips said one thing but your body said something else. He watched you that day talk excitedly about seeing your boyfriend. Yet, he finds you a mess with tear stains avoiding everyone. He knew. He bloody fucking knew it. Your boyfriend was everything he hated and would even compare to as his own father. You who fought everyday, gave yourself willingly, everything as an amazing women and girlfriend. Only for that selfish prick to break it. It boiled him. To see you this way, you were their light. To see you so diminished was something he'd tear the world to bring that shine out in you. He leaned close to your ear “Say the word love. I’m here.” Your eyes looked up at him, oh those doe eyes. He would surrender to that sight in a heartbeat.

You were his weakness…

...but he also learned to see you were also his strength. You mouth slowly began to parts your eyes seemed to show a since of strength ‘Fuck…even when broken she stands strong. This women…’ he didn’t waste a minute crashing his lips onto your trembling lips. They were so plump and soft. You tasted salty from your tears, which he sucked away but the lingering taste of cherry from your lips made him want to devour you more. His hand sneaked down still holding under your chin, while the other unlatched from above the doorframe to rest on your hip. Pulling you closer to him, he could feel your hand slowly slide up his bicep to his neck. The sensation feeling of your soft fingers fleeting over it made him more riled. He immediately let go of his hold on your chin and opened the door to your bunker. He guides you in his hand pushing you in at your hips as he almost guides you to your bed in the corner. You stop just in front of the bed, his hands cupping your cheeks and neck kissing you more fiercely. You’re the one to make the first move, during the intense heat, you begin tugging at his belt loop. He can feel it. Yet-

Being practically naked gripping your towel around your dripping body was definitely not how you imagined telling him about being pregnant, however, maybe you can ask something else- “What happened a month ago... do you regret it ?” perhaps getting some kind of answer will bring out the courage to tell him. You watch for any kind of shift in his eyes yet you barely see much. However his eyes does narrow in on you, you wonder if he sees you’re dodging what’s the real reason you’ve been asking around of his absence. Just when your mind was planning to handle whatever response he gives, everything hit you like a bullet into a vest-

Wrong, because less then two days later he was making his way to the Captains office, knocking on it and telling him of his arrival. With the Captain deeply grunting to come in. What he wasn’t expecting was to see the Captain, stressed ? The man looked exhausted like he was fighting a battle of some sort. He looked as if he was atlas holding the world over his shoulder, every muscle tensed and jaw clenched using every ounce of power to keep going. Then when the Captains eyes met his, and the words came out, Ghost world came shattering. “Y/n, has quit the taskforce…” his eyes went wide, he was a man to hide any emotions but this…he wasn’t expecting you to up and leave. Did you even say bye to everyone? Were you crying your eyes out when you decided it ? But the one question that bothered in the back of his mind was; Was it because of HIM ?

He grunts a bit “Was a one time thing.” His eyes unwavering and stoic as if this is such a silly subject to be bringing up as he decided it was best to burn this bridge before his feelings got worse for you. He could not allow this to become more. He promised- now swore he’ll never get attached and he stupidly did. It was obvious for Soap to see, and if that was the case, how many others would notice too ? “It meant nothing Sargent. We both needed an escape. If this is what you wanted to waste my time for than we are done.” ‘Fuckin’ ‘ell, that should do it…’ he thought to himself, yet what he didn’t expect was to see the tears daring to form in your eyes he simply just stood there, your little fists were gripping the towel so tight your knuckles were white and your jaw was clenched. Yet, he didn’t stop there. He should have. “You’re a burden to this team…we don’t need dead weight. If you can’t get better than your no use to this team.” He said it…damages done.

The words hurt him just as much as it seemed to have hurt you. But instead of lashing out, which honestly he would have preferred you do then maybe he would’ve taken back his words. You… just stood there silent. It was worse than a ticking bomb going off. Your eyes were blazing with anger and he can see your tears wanting to crash down yet you suck in a deep breath, he honestly was expecting the worse, and you just went to grab your stuff. You began changing you didn’t even care if he would be watching or not, of course he wouldn’t dare instead was looking at the sinks only daring to listen to you as you shuffle. In matter of minutes you were dressed, holding your bag about to leave, you hand on the handle yet you stop. Looking at him ,‘Fuck…now I’ve done it. Price gonna rem me for it now’ he thought but instead you look at him with that same strength in your eyes “Good night Lieutenant.” It came out sharp he could hear it the slight venom in it but he didn’t so much aa react. He stupidly just stood there side glancing you before you finally took your leave. He then gazes back at the mirror, seeing his reflection he hated what he was seeing in himself but it had to be done. Maybe when you’ve cooled your head he’ll approach you differently. Perhaps these words would encourage you to do better. Perhaps now he won’t distracted by your alluring presence. Right-?

…

[kunasthiast]

My God (2)

If last night's events are already stressful as it is, today's much worse than ever. With a visit to your father's office, what could go wrong?

Oh yeah, everything!

a/n: okaaaaay, so i'm halfway Chapter 3 as of posting this one >.<

I reaaally appreciate all your notes, reblogs, & comments for the taglist – it makes my heart flutter so much & it gets me so excited to finish this story already T^T

Pairing: Sukuna x Reader (female) Genre: fluff + angst, Yakuza AU, Enemies to Lovers Word Count: 2,877 All characters are of age. This story is 18+. Minors don't interact.

<- previous • next ->

Taglist: @cr1sta11y @idk-bro-gay @tojis-ball-sack @thepurpleempath @fangirl-332 @jijijihanji @thedondiva45

As the first light of dawn crept into your room, a small gap in the blackout curtains that you forgot to fully close last night betrayed your efforts to keep the morning at bay. Yep, definitely starting the day this bad, how else will the rest of the day be like?

“Fuck,” you exclaimed so early in the morning. Or so you thought. Grabbing your phone from your nightstand, you tapped the screen to peek the time. 

9:54 AM.

With a groan, you closed and threw your phone somewhere in your room and laid down on your stomach. Face clearly being suffocated by your pillows. This life sucks.

“Why does it have to feel this way?” You said with a groan.

Flipping around, and lying on your back, you stared blankly at the ceiling. Absolutely feeling so devoid of everything in life. Your eyes are as empty as the void. It’s like everything was sucked out of you.

Dragging yourself out of bed, you walked over to the window and yanked the curtains shut, shutting out the intrusive light. The darkness offered a slight comfort from the harsh reality of the day ahead, but you knew you couldn't hide forever.

With a heavy sigh, you forced yourself to your feet and began getting ready for the day. Each movement felt like a chore, every action weighed down by the burden of disappointment and betrayal. I hate everyone already.

As you made your way downstairs, the familiar sights and sounds of your family's mansion served as a stark reminder of the life you were born into. Despite the opulence that surrounded you, you couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness that gnawed at your insides.

Walking to your father's office, you braced yourself for the inevitable confrontation that awaited. The door loomed ominously before you, a silent barrier between you and the truth that lay beyond. 

With a heavy sigh, you told yourself, “Here goes nothing.”

Summoning all your courage, you pushed open the door and stepped inside, steeling yourself for whatever may come. Little did you know, the events of the day were about to take a turn you never saw coming.

—

“Okay, first of all? What the fuck!” You erupted, your voice dripping with anger and disbelief as you confronted your father.

His face tightened in disappointment at your choice of words, “Language, dear,” he chided, his tone laced with irritation.

Yeah, never mind all the fucking respect he deserves. Scoffing at him, you paid his scolding no mind, too consumed by the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. 

“Might I remind you,” pacing back and forth, you continued with your voice trembling with pent-up rage, “that you promised me a lot. A fucking LOT of times! That I’m the next head, only to have you pass it over to Sukuna – who by the way isn’t even a part of our family. I’m your family, your flesh and blood, damn it! I’m not even processing this properly yet and now you’re telling me that you already got me on a fucking arranged marriage to someone from the Gojo family? Oh, fuck off, father!” 

Your father remained unmoved, his expression unreadable as he calmly countered your tirade. “Honey, it’s just the way it is. Take it or leave it. And, for once, try to act like a respectable daughter,” he retorted, his words like a slap in the face, dismissing your turmoil cold-heartedly.

His indifference fueled your frustration further, and you fought to contain the seething anger threatening to boil over. “I can’t believe this,” you muttered, the weight of betrayal heavy in your chest with your fidgeting fingers.

With a dismissive wave of his hand, your father returned his attention to his book that you unfortunately cut him off from reading earlier, effectively ending the conversation. “I’m busy. Come back when you’re done with your tantrum. Now, leave.”

“I’m not gonna do as you say this time. I’m not gonna marry anyone from that fucking family,” you confidently declared with the fire still burning within you. “I’m not gonna be your fucking pawn, father. I’m leaving this family. So, deal with it.” 

Fuming with indignation, you stormed out his office. And, let’s not forget, you slammed the door hard when you left.

This is not the day I’ve envisioned to have today.

—

Back in your room, the weight of the recent events bore down on you like a heavy burden, pressing against your chest with a suffocating intensity.

Yet, there are no tears threatening to fall down anytime soon, just the palpable heartache and silent screams echoing through the depths of your soul. Please, I’m too strong for this.

As a way to make yourself calmer, that can help you gather your thoughts, you decided to go to your restaurant. Yes, the restaurant your father gifted on your 18th birthday. It’s apparently his gift symbolizing his support for your aspirations outside the family’s legacy. 

A bitter scoff escaped your lips, “Well, fuck legacy.” Words heavy with anger. As you made your way out your room towards the mansion’s carport, you know in yourself that you got to leave this place. “Yeah, I won’t go back home here,” you mutter to yourself as you approach your car.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, you revved the engine, the purr of the powerful machine echoing throughout the carport. But, as you were getting ready to live, your thoughts inevitably turned to the arranged marriage your father and the Gojo family had arranged.

Just the mere mention of this family sent shivers down your spine. Yeah, I fucking hate that family. They’ve been your family’s rival from the start. Always the territorial disputes, the dirty, underhanded tactics, and the arrogance that runs throughout every family member.

And, then there was Satoru – the one your father chose as your groom. Well, he has no choice, Satoru’s the only heir of his family, definitely of flesh and blood.

To call him attractive would be an understatement – Satoru has that magnetic, alluring charm that was impossible to ignore. Heck, he’s beautiful. With those azure eyes, fluffy white hair, and velvety voice, he’s every woman’s dream – except you. You’re not even sure why you think his hair’s fluffy!

But, all beautiful things have ugly sides. And his was a huge ass dent to his looks. He’s a fucking asshole. Clenching your jaw, you tore yourself away from your thoughts and the carport, steering yourself towards the way to your restaurant.

The drive to the restaurant made you forget everything for a moment. With each passing mile, you felt the tension in your shoulders begin to ease. As you pulled into the parking lot, the sight of your restaurant filled you with a sense of calmness. 

Stepping out into the cool embrace of the wind, you savored this feeling that offers a temporary calmness within the raging storm inside you. 

“I’m so glad to be back,” you murmured to yourself.

Pushing open the door to the restaurant, you were greeted by the familiar sights and sounds of the bustling kitchen, the savory aroma of spices and herbs filling the air. Your staff, surprised by your unannounced visit, immediately greeted you with a mixture of surprise and fear. You rarely visit. Rarely.

You may own this business, but, you couldn’t really care less about the business side of these things as you’re too busy learning everything your father taught you with. And, this one’s not a part of it. Or, so you think!

He just gave this one to you when he learned you love to cook – which definitely by the way is a short occurrence in your life. You were bored, you learned how to cook, you made everything you’ve been craving for, and now you were bored, again.

But, you can’t deny the calmness that cooking brings you. It takes you out of your thoughts and just focus on prepping and cooking everything up.

Uraume, your most trusted confidante and your restaurant’s head chef, immediately approached you with a knowing look.“You’re only here when you’re stressed,” they remarked, their tone a mixture of sympathy and understanding.

You chuckled wryly as you made your way towards your office. “Yeah and today is no exception,” you replied, the weight of the previous events pressing heavily upon you. “I’ll whip something up in the kitchen. You know what to do.”

As you entered your office, you felt the sense of zen and calm wash over you. With each passing moment of taking in the familiar surrounding, the tension began to ebb away. You slipped into your chef’s jacket, your mind already buzzing with ideas for today’s creations. 

Glancing at the clock, you noted the time – 11:21 AM. Perfect timing. Your restaurant is supposed to open in a few minutes, but you instituted a rule long ago: when you were here, no one is allowed to enter the kitchen, and the restaurant will be closed to the public.

A tub of orange chicken sounds nice.

—

Sukuna's luxurious penthouse was filled with the soothing sound of water coming from the shower as he emerged from the steam-filled bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. With a flick of his hand, he silenced the insistent ringing of his phone, its screen lighting up with a call from Uraume, his most trusted confidante.

Walking across the marble floor towards his bedroom, his thoughts drifted to you, your demeanor from last night.

He knows you’ve been expecting to become the next head. He knows how frustrated you are feeling after the announcement has been made. He just knows. And, it amuses him to see your reaction, the way you wore your emotions so openly. He’s keen on observing you.

“Cute,” he mused to himself with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

Dressing himself in a black slack with an unnecessary tight black folded sleeves, definitely outlining his sexy physique, topped with a suspender, Sukuna admired his reflection in the mirror. Yeah, more like it. His demeanor exuding with such confidence, power, and authority.

Adjusting his reading glasses, his mind buzzed with what’s to come for the day – negotiate with the Naoya from the Zenin family regarding the territorial disputes, dealing with the underground firearm deliveries he missed last night – all in a day’s work for a man of his calibre. 

Yet, amidst the chaos of his busy schedule, thoughts of you lingered, an unexpected distraction in his otherwise meticulously organized life.

Shaking this off, Sukuna stepped out onto the expansive balcony overlooking the city skyline. Before he could go on with his day, there was one matter that demanded his attention. Gotta see princess first.

As he reached for his car keys, Sukuna’s thoughts went back to you, a nagging reminder he couldn’t quite shake. How the fuck are you doing now. And, he can’t believe he’s this worried about you.

Brushing aside the thought for the nth time, Sukuna exited the penthouse with a confident stride, the door closing behind him with a soft click.

As he was walking towards the elevator, his phone buzzed with an incoming text message. Glancing at the screen, a smirk tugged at his lips as he read the words: “She’s here.”

“Talk about coincidence,” he chuckled to himself.

Yeah, he can’t wait to meet you.

—

Sukuna stepped out of his sleek black car, the sharp click of his shoes against the pavement. He approached the entrance of the restaurant – which has a sign that says ‘closed’ – and his gaze fixed with a single purpose: to see you.

Pushing open the door that Uraume left unlocked for him, he stepped into the warmth of the restaurant, the savory aroma of the spices and herbs enveloped the cool air. The whole place is completely deserted with only Uraume sitting at one table. 

“Where is she,” Sukuna commanded as Uraume pointed towards the kitchen as their answer.

Sukuna’s eyes swept across the room, his gaze setting on the bustling kitchen where you were too focused on. There was a flicker of intrigue in his eyes as he watched you move, completely absorbed in your culinary hobby. You once told him that it was just a hobby and it sticked to him.

As he approached to observe you, the noise of the kitchen seemed to dim. Sukuna’s presence filled the space around you. Sensing him, a prickling sensation at the back of your neck sent a shiver down your spine. Can’t this day get any better?

Turning, you met his gaze head-on, your expression guarded. Yeah, still attractive. You roamed your eyes on his whole physique, with a quick glance at his folded arms that showed his defined biceps. Okay, wrong move because the fluttering pterodactyls in your stomach are back.This made you sigh and cut your gaze off him.

“What do you want?” You asked, your voice tinged with a hint of irritation and skepticism. Sukuna’s smirk only widened at your boldness, his eyes glinting with amusement.

“I came to see you, princess,” he replied smoothly, his tone dripping with charm. You swear even without looking at him, you can see his smug smile that you want to wipe off his face and kiss – okay, what the fuck was that?

You rolled your eyes at his flirtatious tone and breathed heavily to clear up your thoughts, choosing to focus on your cooking instead. Sukuna’s presence is a distraction you didn’t need, especially not today. To top it off, you’re not ready for another confrontation.

“I don’t have time for your games, Sukuna,” you retorted, your voice firm. “If you’re here to eat, then see yourself out.”

Sukuna chuckled at this with his hands unfolding to raise it to a low surrender pose, “I don’t have games for you, princess. You know that. Just came here to check in on you.”

“How did you even know I’m here?”

“Uraume.” Oh, yeah. Even though Uraume’s your trusted confidante, they also are Sukuna’s trusted confidante. It just works like that.

Sukuna’s response only fueled your frustration further. The pterodactyls in your stomach long gone. Of course, Uraume would rather reveal your whereabouts to him that tell you how they even got close with Sukuna. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of annoyance at that.

"I assure you, princess, I mean no harm," he reassured, his voice smooth as silk. "I simply wanted to see how you're holding up after last night.” Yeah, he’s here to gloat.

Last night. The mere mention of it sent a wave of emotions crashing over you – anger, betrayal, frustration. You clenched your jaw, fighting to keep your composure in front of him.

“I’m fine. You can have the fucking title as the head of the family all you want. I’m out of this family,” you replied curtly. Sukuna raised an eyebrow, his expression a mix of amusement and skepticism, as he leaned casually against the wall near the door.

“Why leave?” He challenged, his voice dripping with casual disdain. “You’re just proving to your father that you’re not deserving to be a head. Too weak for this shit, princess?” 

“Oh, fuck off, ’Kuna. You don’t know anything,” you shot back, your tone sharp with annoyance.

Sukuna’s facade of nonchalance faltered for a moment, replaced by a feigned hurt expression. “It hurts my pride that you don’t acknowledge me that much, princess,” he said, his words clearly laced with mock sincerity.

“I can see it in your face,” he continued, his tone shifting to one of quiet intensity. “You don’t think I deserve to be the head.”

“Because you really don’t,” you retorted, your words cutting through the tension like a knife. “You’re not even blood-related to father, to us. Just a stranger who climbed up the ranks.” Yeah, you’re quite harsh on this one.

Sukuna’s smirk only widened at your brutal honesty. “Yet, a stranger better than the supposed one-and-only heir,” he quipped, his amusement evident.

Fed up with the conversation, you flipped him off. 

Sukuna chuckled, his laughter filling the space between you that made your eyes roll – you swear, you almost blacked out from that eye roll.

“Well, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me. I’m just a phone call away, princess. You know and I know that I’m on your speed dial,” he said with a wink and a smug smirk yet his tone is surprisingly genuine and a bit flirtatious.

But before he could make his exit, you called out to him, the desperation evident in your voice. “Wait.”

Oh, fuck his captivating eyes. Fuck his infuriatingly sexy smirk. Fuck the way his muscles strained against his tight shirt. Fuck those damn eyeglasses that he doesn’t even have to wear because he has a clear vision! Fuck everything, it’s all too much. I just need a way out so fuck my plan, too.

Sukuna paused, turning back to fix his gaze on you with a newfound intense curiosity glinting in his eyes. “Missed me already, princess?” His lips curled into a smug grin as he spoke, a hint of amusement lacing his words. 

Your heart pounded in your chest as you gathered the courage to blurt out the unexpected request. 

“Marry me, ‘Kuna.”

[miyoii]

BE WITH ME 𖥔 bada lee x fem!reader (s.her) next

genre: angst | summary — all you want is her; word count: 628

an: requested by @stupendoussportseclipsepaper ! sorry i couldn’t fit everything in one part 😭 i’ll update again in a few though!!

for the past few days, their apartment felt empty. even with two people live in it, filled with cherished memories they would never forget. the empitiness it held didn’t go by unnoticed.

yn sighed for tenth time that day. this week has been hectic for her. leaving the house early in the morning and arriving way past midnight was starting to get to her. good thing they had a few days off of filming, yet she doesnt seem to enjoy it as much as she thought she would.

well, how could she. the person she was yearning to spend time for the past week has been going in and out of the house. she couldn’t even greet her a good morning or good night, heck, they don’t even say ‘i love you’ anymore.

yn tried to keep it in, thinking that her girlfriend is trying to make up from the lost of time with her friends. but this day was the last straw for her. yn didn’t even get to spend the break with the love of her life, now they have to go back to their gruesome schedule by tomorrow.

looking at the clock, it was 1:30 am midnight. the couple needs to leave in a few hours, but yn’s girlfriend is still yet to be seen. she was about to give up on waiting for her, until she heard the sound of the door being unlocked. hearing footsteps getting close by, yn let out one last breath before greeting her, “where have you been?”

the figure stood by the entrance of their living room, “out.” she responded shortly. “its past midnight, we have shooting in a few hours bada.” yn said, keeping herself cool.

“can’t i take a breather for a moment? this past few days haven’t been easy.” bada replied while sighing, “did you think it was easy for me, huh?” “what?” she asked looking at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“bada we have a four day break, and during those days i haven’t even gotten to spend time with you. you’re always out!” yn replied getting irritated, “god yn. not everytime we have to be together, i have a life outside too.”

“am i not part of that life bada? am i not that important to my girlfriend that i’m here begging on my knees for her to give me attention?”

“no, its not like that-“

“then why?! why am i awake at 1am waiting for you to come home? bada…all i want for you is to be with me. that is all i want from you.” yn said standing up, as her voice getting weaker from all of the emotions pilling in.

“why are you so fucking needy.” bada scoffed, too blinded by her own emotions to control her senses, “even jiyu wasn’t this clingy, and she stays at home every fucking day while i’m out working!” she said without thinking.

yn stared at her in disbelief, before letting out a pained laugh. “wow! after all this time bada, you’re bringing up jiyu now? don’t tell me you still love her-“

“i don’t love her yn!”

“are you seeing her then?” bada looked at you silently, not answering. that was all you needed as an answer. a tear fell down from your eyes before you wiped it away and walked past bada towards the front door.

“wait yn-“ bada tried to call her but it was too late, yn shutted the door with a loud bang, and went out, only carrying her wallet and keys.

bada messed her hair in frustration as she sat down at their couch, “why do you always have to mess things up.” she talked to herself before a sob broke its way into the space they once filled memories in.

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew x Reader | Pt. 10

Pt 10: Birds of a feather

-

-

-

-

-

You walked into the office making a beeline for Shayne who was standing with Courtney and Erin. “Shayne, I need to talk to you.” You breathed out. 

“Okay?” Shayne questioned immediately feeling the frazzled energy around you. 

You walked away, heading to an empty meeting room, trusting that Shayne was behind you. You began pacing the short distance across the room, turning to Shayne as he closed the door behind him. “It is too early for you to be like this.” he laughed, feeling concerned. 

“I think I fucked up, like bad.” 

“Okay what’s going on?” 

“I… uh… meandspencerkissedandthenileftbeforehewokeup andsenthimsomebullshittextandhedidn’ttextbackoranything.” you blurted out. 

“Come again?” Shayne asked.

“Me and Spencer kissed and then I left before he woke up and then I sent him some bullshit text about why I left so early, like 5 am early, and he read it but didn’t say anything back.” You repeated, out of breath. You recalled the events of the night prior to Shayne, shushing him everytime he giggled or teased you. 

“You gotta talk to him, this just sounds like a misunderstanding.” Shayne consoled. 

“I just don’t know what to do, I like him so much but aren’t things going to change?” You asked.

“Change isn’t bad Y/N,” Shayne reassured, “Change has to happen, especially if you want anything serious with Spencer. But I think you need to talk to him soon.. Like today.” 

“Was it this scary with Courtney?” You asked, feeling defeated.

“It was terrifying, I won’t lie to you. But god, it was the best decision I ever made. I’m sure no matter what happens everything will be okay. You’re a catch Y/N, Spencer is gonna be so lucky to have you.” 

“You’re right, thank you Shayne.” You said, giving him a small smile. He pulled you in for a reassuring hug before leaving the room. 

You took a few deep breaths before groaning, knowing you had to find Spencer and soon. You sent him a text ‘Hey Spencer I need to talk to you, soon preferably’. 

—

Spencer read your text, agreeing with the sentiment but feeling upset enough to ignore it. He knew it was petty of him but he just couldn’t help it. You left him hanging with no answers this morning and for now, he intended to do the same. He turned off his phone, putting it in a drawer of his desk before going into his first meeting of the day. 

And so it began, you trying to talk to Spencer and him dodging you. First it was the text, then when you tried to talk to him in person he conveniently had a call to take. The whole day consisted of playing cat and mouse, you were exhausted. 

Both you and Spencer were in such bad moods by lunch the whole office could tell something was wrong. Spencer had to film right after lunch so you used this time to come up with a plan. You knew you needed to get Spencer alone but it would be hard considering it was Friday and you wouldn’t see him over the weekend if things weren’t resolved. To make matters worse next week you would be filming a “who knows Spencer best” best Alex and Shayne. You knew the chemistry on screen would be awful if things continued this way and the fans would catch on.

Your personal issues had already bled into the workplace and you didn’t want it to get farther than that. 

If Spencer wouldn’t talk to you then you had to show him how sorry you were, and you hoped you had just the thing. 

You had been working on a song at the same time as Espresso, feeling so much thankfulness in your life you wrote another song. It would take a long night to finish and get the vocals recorded but you didn’t care, you had to make things right. Feeling both inspired and overwhelmed with your emotions you crafted more lyrics, finishing a song that you hoped would convey everything it needed to. 

You spent the rest of the workday giving Spencer the space he so clearly needed. Before everyone left you stopped by Ian’s office. “Hey Ian, can I ask a huge favor from you?” you asked, mustering up the biggest puppy dog eyes you could. 

“Oh god what is it?” He replied, bracing.

“It’s nothing bad!” You assured, “I just wanna know if I can stay a little late today and use the VO booth, I have my own sim cards and everything I just need the equipment. I would use my own but there’s been construction all day everyday.” 

“Oh, yeah that’s fine, knock yourself out.” Ian said, “Can I know why?” 

“Song recording.” You said simply.

“Well if it’s a hit like Espresso go ahead, I mean have you seen the spike in views lately?” He laughed. 

“Oh god I have.” You replied, thanking him before wishing him a good weekend. 

—

There were only a few people, mostly editors, left in the office. Spencer had left about an hour ago, giving you a frustrated, almost sad glance as he passed your desk on his way out.

Luckily you and josh had a backing track that just needed a little polishing, made for this song specifically. With no time to lose you set up the equipment you needed and began recording. 

“I want you to stay.

Till I'm in the grave.

Till I rot away, dead and buried.

Till I'm in the casket you bury..” 

“If you go i'm going too,

‘Cause it was always you.

And if i’m turning blue, please don't save me.

Nothing left to lose without my baby.”

You allowed yourself to feel all of your emotions as you sang, hoping the rawness of your voice would shine. 

“Birds of a feather, we should stick together

I know I said I’d never, Think I wasn’t better alone.

Can’t change the weather

Might not be forever.. But if it's forever, it’s even better.” 

You began to tear up, reminiscing on all of the wonderful memories you shared with Spencer. 

“And I don’t know what I’m crying for,

I don’t think I could love you more

It might not be long but baby i, 

I’ll love you till the day that I die.” 

You were all but sobbing now, managing to keep your voice strong through the emotions. You continued singing, deciding you’d do multiple takes of the whole song and splice it together anywhere that needed it. 

“Till the day that I die.

Till the light leaves my eyes.

Till the day that I die.”

“I want you to see: How you look to me.

You wouldn’t believe if I told ya, 

You would keep the compliments I throw ya,

But you’re so full of shit. 

Tell me it’s a bit.. 

Say you don’t see it, your minds polluted

Say you wanna quit, don’t be stupid.” 

You finished out the song's last dozen lines, ending the recording before taking a minute to compose yourself before the next take. You continued recording, playing your vocals into your headphones to sing the harmonies and melodies. You were finally done around 8 pm. At this point no one was in the office besides you. 

You took your recordings and left after cleaning up the equipment you used. You knew you’d be working all night at editing it but it didn’t matter, you wanted to be able to release it tomorrow. 

Was this the best move in terms of your musical career? No, definitely not, this release schedule was not sustainable or encouraged but you couldn’t give a shit about your career right now. 

—

It was 6 in the morning when you finished the song and felt proud of what you created. You sent it to josh to look over before releasing it and began posting about a “Big announcement” on all of your socials. 

As early as it was, people were very actively talking about it. A new trending hashtag within the first hour. You hadn’t truly realized what Espresso had done for you but seeing the response of literally hundreds of thousands of people shook you. 

Josh got back to you rather quickly, sending you a new file where he tweaked a few things on the track, giving you heavy praise regardless. Enough traction had built online that you released the single around 9 am, accompanied with a post saying, “this song is really personal to me and I hope you like it because I love you. Birds of A Feather, right?” Written directly to Spencer, hoping he would read it and realize. 

—

Spencer tried to sleep in on the weekends. His attempts were usually ruined by one or both of his cats batting at his face until he got to feed them, at which point he was too awake to fall back asleep. 

This Saturday was no different. He drowsily got up and fed the cats before climbing back in bed and unplugging his phone. He went to make his normal rounds, checking his email and texts before opening twitter, only to find thousands of notifications, roughly 6 times more than usual. 

Curious as to what was happening he clicked over to the trending page. The top tag was your ship name, followed by iterations of birds of a feather. He went into the hashtags, quickly finding your original post. He read it. Then reread it and reread it again. “Birds of a feather, right?”. 

He knew that phrase. Not just because it was popular but because it was the exact verbiage he used with you when you first became friends. You were so scared you wouldn’t fit in with Smosh but Spencer kinda took you under his wing. You learned you had a lot in common and when you thanked him for his kindness he said it: “Birds of a feather, right?” 

He sighed, clicking into your account to look at your profile picture. The small icon being a professional photo of you and Spencer in a strange pose you did in the last smosh shoot. He swallowed thickly before opening the link in your post, redirecting him to Apple music where the first notes of your new song played. 

He sat still, each word you sang punching him in the stomach. He could feel your emotion through the phone, closing his eyes as he allowed himself to be enraptured by the noise. 

This song was different from your usual music, a nostalgic, almost melancholic ballad that rid Spencer of any anger and pettiness he had been harboring towards you. 

He wanted to see you. 

You needed to see him.

[waywardsummoner46]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Sink Into the Darkness, My Light | Four | ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

──•~❉ ᯽ ❉~•──

"Join us, my Light."

Two centuries ago, the ruler of the Light disappeared, plunging the universe into chaos and disrupting the sacred, unspoken balance of the universe.

The eight rulers of the Darkness never stopped looking for her; their obsession never once waning since she vanished.

Recently, they've sensed something. Never around long enough to pinpoint but so euphoric that it sings within their veins. And since meeting you, well... slowly they begin to understand why.

"Sink into the darkness with us."

──•~❉ ᯽ ❉~•──

「✦」 PAIRING - yandere ot8!ateez x (?)reader

「✦」 GENRE - ancient gods!au, fantasy!au, magical powers!au

「✦」 WARNINGS - mind control, gaslighting, dom/sub, subspace (of a sort), temporary amnesia, manipulation, YANDERE AND DARK THEMES

「✦」 WORD COUNT - 1,406

「✦」 A/N - Did I vanish again? No? Good answer. Anyway, I AM BACK NOT THAT I LEFT. Shorter chapter this time but there is a lot of lore packed into it. I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think!

「✦」 TAGLIST - @yandere-stories - @adorawritesalot - @yoongisgirl69 - @sadtoru

──•~❉ ᯽ ❉~•──

• one • two • three • four • five •

──•~❉ ᯽ ❉~•──

You woke to the worst migraine of your life. It throbbed against the walls of your skull and felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer and relentlessly battering your head.

  You let out an unattractive grunt, one hand coming up to massage your temples and the other trying to rub sleep from your eyes. You cringed at the amount of gunk that had gathered over night, although you were grateful for the good night’s sleep that came hand in hand with it. 

  Letting out a long sigh, you lowered both of your hands. The early morning atmosphere was very calming, despite the pounding migraine, and you took the time to appreciate it whilst it lasted.

  You took the time to recollect your birthday; it had surely been a hectic day, a birthday unlike any other you’ve had before, to say the least. Yunho and Yeosang were back in your thoughts (and if smiled slightly then that was no one’s business but your own). They had truly made your morning, their kindness and general warm exteriors effortlessly making a pleasant feeling spread through your chest. 

  It dissipated once you remembered Seonghwa and Wooyoung. 

  There was something… off about them. Completely opposite to Yunho and Yeosang. They instilled a feeling of such instinctual wrongness within you that you found yourself grimacing absentmindedly. Seonghwa had been welcoming with a presence that demanded attention, and there was nothing wrong with that. But then, he’d taken such a drastic turn in emotions after he’d styled your hair. Mumbling, crying, even laughing almost hysterically - and for what?

  Wooyoung was an even more different story. Something about the guy gave you chills and you’d barely interacted with him for more than half an hour. And how did he manage to get Jiwon to finally settle down? He’d completely bypassed her aloof nature and her inability to keep major secrets from you. 

  You let out a long sigh and shifted slightly, and a mild prick at the back of your neck had your hand snapping up. You felt around your hair, feeling that it was still styled how Seonghwa had done it yesterday. But apparently he had placed a hair pin at the back of your head that you hadn’t noticed yesterday. 

  “Huh,” you said as you examined it. The hair pin was gorgeous; holding it vertically, you saw that there were two separate parts to the hair pin, the bottom of each connected by a singular rose gold chain. Both pieces were single helices in shape, however, one was the deepest black you’d ever seen in your life - squinting at it, you swore it was almost sucking in the light around it but you chalked that up to your sleep-addled brain.

  The other side was the most ethereal and pure white you’d ever bore witness to. A complete juxtaposition to its partner and yet somehow complimenting it so beautifully. You grazed your fingers gently across the narrow curve of the strand, eyes completely transfixed on its blinding glow, and you felt a spark, almost like an electric shock, travel from your fingertips down your arm and directly to your heart.

  And just like that, you entered a memory that was not your own.

A figure knelt before the dias, before the eight beings who sat on thrones of a grandeur impossible to capture in any form of literature, made of materials unfathomable to a mortal mind. 

  It was a young man, no older than twenty five, that held an audience with the eight. Seven of them unfamiliar to the furthest extent… the remaining one a love so old that words could do it no justice. And it was she, sat in a dress as weightless as the clouds and as treasured as the gentlest of snow, that gazed upon him with such heartbreak and betrayal. 

  Not anger, though. She could never be angry at him. Being angry at him was a poisonous thunder in her chest and a stain on her very being, irreversible and endlessly damaging. And he knew this.

  That didn’t stop him from taking her trust and thrusting it into her back like the sharpest of knives, 

  A delighted giggle echoed around the vast space, stars and galaxies and planets existing so peacefully around the circular platform these beings had created. He knew that His Lady of Light despised this stage more than anyone, despised the theatrics of sitting with the seven Lords of Darkness and utterly despised why the universe had called her here… called them all here.

  The King arose, and so did the Queen. The King raised an elegant brow at her behaviour, delighted to see her so far out of sorts that she had reacted physically. The young man knew that he was the cause, he knew that what he had done could not be undone. Nor could it be forgiven. 

 “Something you wish to say, My Lady?” The King asked, a morbid and sadistic pleasure behind every syllable he played with his tongue. Any mortal would sway to the symphonies he spoke, completely blinded to the sins woven between each letter. He was the worst of them all. He was the first. 

  Just like she was. 

  The young man’s eyes darted to His Lady’s dress as a light, almost imperceptible grey had begun to tease its edges. A human would never have detected it… but he wasn’t exactly mortal anymore, was he? 

  His Lady of Light hesitated for the briefest moment in time, enough for the seven Lords to smirk cruelly at her turmoil. And yet, with her head still raised high and eyes holding emotions unwilling to be released, she sat back down.

  “Wonderful,” The King crooned. He turned towards the young man, giving him his full attention once more. The man gulped, one of his last remaining human responses to fear and stood as the King beckoned him with a grin. 

  A chilling hand grasped the man’s chin. A flash of perfect white teeth and then a pain so intense that every nerve in the man’s body was alight with Hellfire. Shaking, he lowered his head slightly and whimpered loudly at the sight of the King’s hand puncturing his chest and grasping his heart.

  His gloves were off. There was no barrier from his corruption. 

  His Lady of Light could do nothing but watch her lover die. He did not perish but to her, to her heart, he might as well have. The call of Death would  have been a mercy compared to what the King was making him. 

  The man could feel an inky sensation spreading from his heart and down every lining and every nerve in his body. He imagined that black veins marred his skin. 

  There was a slight… itch, though. On his cheekbone. He knew not what it was nor where it came from but that sensation was firmly behind a fortress of onyx with a gravitational pull so undeniable that the man fell to his knees once more. This time in reverence of the King.

  The man heard a sob in the distance but even that was drowned by the pure evil binding to every blood cell in his body and replacing it with unparalleled power, power unlike anything he had ever experienced in his life. 

  His Lady would say that such power was a burden, a responsibility no one should have to bear. And now, the Lady’s words were of little concern to him now, a distant trickle of memory in the face of a waterfall of temptation, of sin. 

  “There you are.” 

  The boy stood. His eyes now a pitch black.

  “Our very own-”

You woke to the worst migraine of your life. It throbbed against the walls of your skull and felt like someone…

  A piercing ringing next to your ear made your eyes squeeze together in pain. Frantically, you aimed messily for your phone on your nightstand and pressed the answer button and regretted it immediately.

  “Morning! How did you sleep?”

  “I slept well, tha-”

  “‘Kay, cool! I’m suuuuper busy today and Wooyoung left his phone at that place we went to last night. We would go and get it but…” Why-oh-why did Jiwon have to mention Wooyoung, he gave you pins and needles even just thinking about him.

  Shaking your head silently, you responded, “It’s alright, Jiwon. Tell Wooyoung I’ll… go and grab his phone this afternoon. I’ll call you when I’ve got it.”

  She squealed and made a hasty goodbye. Nothing exasperated you more than that girl, you’re sure of it. 

  Time to start the day, you supposed. You hauled yourself out of bed and noticed that ‘The Hidden War Within’ was opened and on the floor. Your eyes skimmed the passage it had landed on, muttering a soft, “Awesome, the first entry is poetry? Who wrote it?”

Anonymous.

Inspiring. With that, you made your way to the bathroom and tidied yourself up for what would most definitely be a gruelling day.

[ffverr]

hello I come to you with a request. I watched x men 97 recently and was saddened by how little time the whole magneto in charge of the x men storyline got and I know he does this longer in the comics (I can't say why but the phrase "its seven in the morning max..." lives rent free in my brain) so I wanted to ask if you have any recommendation for comics from that era / any recommendations for comics with mister magnet-os because I want to get into x men comics but comics as always are so daunting

It is my great pleasure to answer this!!

Disclaimer 1, I am still going through a lot of the issues of this era but I will try my best to make it as clear a guide as I can for you!

Disclaimer 2, Headmaster of the school and leader of the X-Men are quite different positions that they kind of fused together in the 97 show so I do want to make it clear that magneto in the "seven in the morning" era is headmaster of the school, teaching young kids, while Storm is leading the X-men team and Scott is leading the X-factor team, so with that said:

Magneto's teacher arc starts in uncanny X-Men issues 199 and 200 (iconic issues containing the trial of magneto that was adapted in the show!) And then he is headmaster of the school in the book "The new mutants" by Chris Clermont, from issue 35 to issue 75. It is A LOT I admit and he gets a more minor place considering the book is about the kickass young class of new mutants that he's teaching. But it is worth checking out! Many consider this to kind of be peak magneto because.... he's trying so hard to be a good teacher and to handle all these kids and it's very humanizing for him!

I mean look at him and his 8 kids!

Now, how to get into Magneto overall? Let's get into it:

I believe it is impossible to get into Magneto without reading his ultimate origin story, Magneto: Testament by Greg Pack. It is a quick intro, it barely features his powers (not an action comic) and it is a very very emotional read. I consider it essential magneto reading!

Next up: Two One shots if you want to get a quick primer on the character pre moral arc instead of sitting through his few appearances in the Stan Lee comics:

A classic one: X-Men: God Loves, Men Kills by Chris Claremont. It is an iconic comic book one shot that can be read out of continuity just to see what his deal is when he's not necessarily on the side of the X-Men but fighting for his own ideals! It's overall a brilliant comic book!

If you want a more recent retelling of the first appearances of magneto you HAVE to read X-Men Mythos that retells magneto's major first appearance in the 60s in quite a beautiful and amazing way! It also has an absolutely insane magneto scene that is very memorable! (So this would "chronologically" come before God loves men Kills)

Now for his switch from cartoon villain of the 60s/early 70s to complex guy in the 80s, read the issues 149 and 150 from the run Uncanny X-Men by Chris Claremont. This is THE pivotal moment for "good guy" Magneto

(know that after issue 150, somehow he falls in the ocean from asteroid M, is rescued from a shark attack by Scott's girlfriend Lee Forester. They have a quick relationship where he struggled with his change of morals then he comes to the new mutants)

if you want to continue chronologically you read the issues 199 and 200 that I recommended at the start then go to the new mutants book I talked about earlier!

If you want MORE MODERN comics, then I advise you get right into what's happening at the moment!

House of X powers of X are two series that intertwine (you'll easily find them in the right order) by the same writer, Jonathan hickman!

It serves as a status quo change/relaunch of the X-Men universe. Magneto plays a big part of the story as he is directly involved in building a mutant nation. I'd say it's a bold but quite functional intro to X-Men comics!

Then he appears as a major character in the GREAT series X-Men Red by Al Ewing alongside Storm, a character that meant a lot to him in the 80s, so it's really nice to see again.

In this he is- epic, depressed, suicidal, sassy, it's great magneto stuff! This series is widely regarded as the best X-Men comic out right now!

(if you want context for this book read the event X of Swords, or I could explain if interested)

That's about all I will lay on you ! If this is hella confusing, don't hesitate to dm me! I can detail more cleanly exactly what you have to read and when!

Good reading!

[milfjuulpod]

hi!! can you do one of melissa x fem reader where reader just started teaching at abbott and melissa develops feelings pretty quickly after they become really close, but doesn’t know reader is dating someone. until reader’s partner starts visiting her at work & melissa gets jealous. little does melissa know that reader likes her back & wants to leave her partner cause they’re kinda shitty to her or whatever you think works best!! and with melissa & reader eventually getting together:)

i’m terrible at explaining skdjfhd but i hope it’s good enough!!! i love your work btw!!!<3

She’s Not You

summary: see req

content/warnings: heavy cursing, hinting at emotional abuse, fluff in the end tho duh

a/n: hello :p thank you for sending a req and for the kind words 🥺 i could cry. i hope you like this, i am not too happy with it so maybe i’ll revisit this prompt but for now, here u are! much love 🫶

Abbott Elementary quickly became your safe haven. After landing a job as a third grade teacher, you’ve gone from just another face to part of the family. Particularly, with Melissa Schemmenti. Your job opening was actually because of Melissa. Her meshed second and third grade classes proved to be too much for even Melissa and an aid, and somehow the driven teacher found money through the district to hire you.

Both you and Melissa felt indebted to each other, her basically giving you the job, and you saving her from the worst year of teaching yet. At least, that’s what the two of you kept telling yourselves. I’m just returning the favor.

That’s why Melissa offered to show you how to cook, why you invited her over to show her some cult classic movies, why the two of you became…close, to say the least. Even though the two of you shared some intimate moments, you never shared many intimate details. It wasn’t until your partner of three years started coming to your work that you realized you had never shared that part of your life with Melissa.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to tell Melissa more about your life, you wanted to badly. But, you were afraid. The relationship between you and your partner was less than, in your eyes. Of course at the beginning it was all roses and smiles and kisses and whispers, but slowly the facade dropped, and you slowly began to meet the person you had dedicated way too much of your personal life to.

You knew the only reason Heather, your girlfriend, was coming by to work was because she didn’t have enough control. She noticed how much happier you were, how you were thriving. And since it wasn’t coming from Heather herself, she needed that to change.

The first time she came by, it was unannounced. You sat in the break room, in your usual spot a little too close to Melissa, the two of you working on a crossword together. Your thoughts of the clues were interrupted by a familiar voice that made your blood run cold. “Hey baby, happy to see me?” Heather announced herself to the room. You blinked a few times to ensure you weren’t dreaming, missing Melissa throw Heather the nastiest glare she could.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?” You asked Heather with a small smile, although you were secretly worried about her true intentions. She decided to make herself comfortable and pull up a chair next to you. Everyone else in the break room simply stared, worried for the girl who was unknowingly digging a deeper and deeper hole with the Italian teacher sitting a foot away from her.

“I missed you, wanted to bring you lunch. You didn’t eat breakfast this morning, or grab the coffee I made you. I woke up early for that, y’know,” she said to you, plopping the bag of food in front of you. To an outsider, it might’ve seemed like light teasing between a comfortable couple. But you knew that tone. The tone that meant she was going to bring this up later, start a fight, and then make it up to you before you could change your mind about finally leaving.

You muttered a quiet “thanks,” and took the food in your hand. “Why don’t I show you my classroom?” Before Heather could respond, you were out of your seat and guiding the two of you to the door.

“Who was that?” Barbara asked the room, although she gave pointed eyes to Melissa, knowing the two of you had grown close rather quickly. Melissa on the other hand, was angrily staring at the crossword in front of her. How dare this stranger come and interrupt the time she treasured with you, taking you away and-

Then she remembered the pet name, the mention of breakfast and coffee, and the dots connected. You had a girlfriend. A girlfriend Melissa knew absolutely nothing about. She didn’t even know you liked women. Sure, she had her suspicions, after all you weren’t very subtle about it. But you never opened up to Melissa about it, the loving of women or the girl you had already loved, and that made Melissa’s heart shatter more than she felt she could physically handle.

The redhead abruptly stood up from her seat and started gathering her things. She could not be around others right now, not in this emotional state. Melissa knew she had a crush on you, she just didn’t think it was this bad. To the point of making the usual hard-shelled woman fall to pieces at the sight of you with somebody else. In her haste exit, Melissa missed the many friends she had calling out to her, she couldn’t hear anything other than the thousands of thoughts in her head.

“Fuck,” Melissa muttered to herself, leaning against the wall in the hallway. She covered her face in her hands, hoping it would stop the tears from leaving her green eyes. She did her best to quickly pull herself together before anyone saw, and made the walk back to her classroom. Of course, she had to pass your room to get to her own. The sight of your classroom door made Melissa’s stomach turn. Usually it was because of butterflies, and now dread. She felt sick.

As she got closer, she could hear voices coming from inside. Melissa stood still for a moment, debating whether or not she truly wanted to know what was being said in there. Against her brain telling her to do otherwise, Melissa creeped towards your door, trying her best to listen for conversation.

“I make you coffee and you don’t drink it, I bring you lunch and you don’t eat it, what the fuck is your problem? Do you have no appreciation for those around you? Are you that fucked up?” The voice from earlier could be heard through the door. Melissa was shocked, angry, jealous, all rolled up into one storm. Which would explain why she swung open your door before she could tell herself no.

“Who are you? We’re having a conversation.” Heather spat at Melissa immediately. Before answering, Melissa glanced towards you. She had never seen you in such a fragile state. Sitting in your desk chair, in the dark, with so much fear in your eyes somebody might think your life was being threatened. “It’s a need to know basis kid, and you don’t need to know. Could I steal my friend for a minute?” Melissa asked, even though she was already taking your hand in hers and walking out the door with you.

She didn’t stop once she left your classroom either, not until she made it to the steps outside of the building. Melissa looked into your eyes for something, anything at this point. But you just sighed and looked away. “Please don’t yell at me, Mel,” you said quietly. You were ready for your friend to tear you apart for hiding your girlfriend and for letting her speak to you that way. “Yell at you? Honey…” Melissa said. She pulled you back close to her and wrapped her arms tightly around your body.

Quietly, you cried into her. You couldn’t help it, Melissa made you feel safe, and that wasn’t a luxury you could frequently afford. “She just…” You started, trying to explain everything to the woman who was trying to take care of you. “I can’t do it anymore Melissa. I’m sorry I never told you about her, or the fact I like women. It’s not that I didn’t want to, please don’t think that I just–” You stopped, lifting your head from Melissa’s shoulder to finally meet her gaze again. “I didn’t want you to see how small she makes me feel. I know I shouldn’t be with her, I just don’t know anything else. Not unless I’m with you but, I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore,” you finally finished with a heavy sigh.

Melissa took a moment to respond, gently rubbing your back and taking a second to absorb everything you had just told her and everything she heard. “I know its easier said than done, but you and I both know you deserve better than that crazy ass bitch back in that classroom,” She gestured with her head to the door. You noticed the venom in her voice as she referred to your girlfriend once again, and if her eyes weren't the most beautiful shade of green, they would be red with anger. “I don’t know Mel…” you trailed off.

She scoffed, tightening her grip around your waist, and you tried your best to ignore the warmth growing in your chest. “Well I know. I know you should be with somebody who actually cares about you, who notices all the stupid cute habits you do all day and loves them, you deserve somebody who will give you that,” Melissa said honestly, more honest than she would have liked to be. You couldn't help the smile that formed on your face, touched by the woman’s words. “Maybe I’ll find them one day,” You said, starting to walk back inside with Melissa. “But I don’t think I’ll find anybody who loves me quite like you do Mel.” Melissa’s heart jumped at that. “I don’t think you will either, sweetheart.”

———

The weeks following that first incident were strange to say the least. The air between you and Melissa became tense, like both of you had something to say but just couldn’t. Or rather, wouldn’t. The few times Heather popped by again, Melissa would always leave without a word. No goodbye to you or the others, and you quickly learned that for whatever reason, she had a hard time coming back to life after seeing Heather. You blamed it on her protective nature, simple explanation.

It wasn't until Heather had actually stopped coming around that Melissa spoke of the girlfriend without being prompted. The two of you sat alone in her classroom, grading papers before the weekend. “So, are things going any better with…y’know? Haven't seen her around much,” Melissa said without looking up from her papers. “Actually, she moved out. Last weekend. I was going to tell you I just, needed time, I guess,” You answered, looking up at Melissa, trying to read her mind through her eyes.

At first, they lit up, before Melissa could pull herself back together. “Well its about time you kicked her sorry ass to the curb. Nobody treats cuore mia like that,” She said, watching in real time how you melted at her words. “I- What?” you giggled out of confusion. Melissa returned to her gaze to her papers and quietly said, “my heart.” Your cheeks grew hot and you found your breath quickening, both at Melissa calling you such a sweet name, and the Italian she spoke it in. It was this moment that the puzzle pieces started fitting together in your head. Why Melissa was so angry and upset with Heather, and why you always preferred Melissa’s company anyways. The two of you were practically in love.

“If you want to call me pet names, at least do it in English so I know what you’re saying,” You lied to her. You couldn’t have her speaking in Italian to you, but not because it bothered you. In fact it had quite the opposite effect. “What, you don’t like when I speak Italian? Besides, you’ll learn soon enough dolcezza mia,” Melissa cooed, leaning over the edge of her desk to get closer to your face. If you could, you would kiss her right then and there.

So you did. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you cupped Melissa’s cheek and pulled her lips onto yours. Both of you were surprised at the sudden move, but neither pulled away. It was gentle, Melissa stroked the back of your head as she pulled you into her as well. She ran her fingers through your hair and used her position to lightly pull you away from her. “I’m sorry.” You both said at the same time before giggling like children. “Why are you sorry?” Melissa asked. “For kissing you, without asking. Why are you sorry?” You simultaneously answered and questioned her. “For kissing you back, I don’t want to take advantage of you,” Melissa said quietly, suddenly deflating.

You took her hand in yours, gently rubbing her knuckles with your thumb. “Melissa, you’re a very intelligent woman, but you’re acting like an idiot,” You laughed as Melissa furrowed her brows at you. “I kissed you, Mel. I wanted to kiss you I want to kiss you all the time, I didn’t realize until after you started helping me with…you know who,” Both of you grimaced at the mention of your ex. “Everything she should’ve been making me feel, is how you make me feel every day. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that,” You told Melissa truthfully. The grip on your hand tightened as she took in your words. “God, come here you,” Melissa said as she smiled, and tugged on your hand for another kiss.

[writeshite]

Day one of asking for billy hargrove x himbo reader (smut and fluff)

Summary:

Billy doesn't exactly have the greatest repertoire to refer back to on these new emotions, what with his mom being six feet underground and all; he’s certainly not going to his dad about this, either. So he chooses to suffer in ignorant bliss and silence. Which is hard to do when you’re there. Barely five feet apart. Chin on his shoulder as you look over his notes for the stupid chemistry group project.

Pairings:

Billy Hargrove x Male!Reader

Tags:

Himbo Reader | Headcanons | Fluff

Words: 595

Author's Note:

I have a confession, I don't write fully himbo characters as often as I should, even with Thor, I do wash down the himboness so...not sure how good this is 😅 I couldn't think of anything for the smut part, apologies for that.

Billy’s been in Hawkins, Indiana, long enough to know he fucking hates it here; he was happy and fine in California. He liked the sun, the beaches, the people, not questioning his sexuality at three in the morning because you picked him up like he weighed nothing after he squared up to you. 

You didn’t even do anything but set him aside because you were late for practice, and never before has he been glad to be in an empty hallway. If that didn’t do it, then witnessing the absolute dumb fuckery that permeated your mind was enough to make Billy realize he may, in fact, have a thing for guys.

“But I’m not….am I?” Billy’s been staring at the hood of his car; his reflected image stared back at him, confused as he tried to work through his current turmoil. It was early Saturday morning, and he’d decided not to stay in the house any longer than he had to.

“Hey, Billy.”

He spins around to see you jog up to him - and he is very much appreciating the running clothes right now; he tries to reign back his ogling; thankfully, you don’t notice it.

Billy doesn't exactly have the greatest repertoire to refer back to on these new emotions, what with his mom being six feet underground and all; he’s certainly not going to his dad about this, either. So he chooses to suffer in ignorant bliss and silence.

Which is hard to do when you’re there. Barely five feet apart. Chin on his shoulder as you look over his notes for the stupid chemistry group project. “Do you mind?” he asks, lacing as much venom as he can.

“Oh, sorry,” he feels relieved you might move back, but you don’t. Instead, you plaster yourself to his back, arms holding your own notes - which he can see even better now, so thank you for that - and with both books side by side, you return to reading, muttering to yourself all the while, Billy feels seconds away from melting into the floor.

“I can’t believe I have to fuck him.”

“You do not have to fuck him, Billy; I am begging you —”

“I gotta fuck him,” Billy reiterated, ignoring whoever it was he’d been speaking to and all but running towards you. When you notice his approach, you wave him over, the hose in your hand dropping, as Billy tries very hard not to pay attention to how close your shirt is sticking to your skin.

“Why are you wet?” He knows why you’re wet; he watched you try and fill the bucket for the school fundraiser, stare down at it, and then get doused in water. You, of course, explain what happened, and he, of course, calls you a moron.

“Well, not all of us are pretty geniuses, Billy,” you retort, turning away to shrug off your shirt, utterly oblivious to how wide his eyes go. “You alright?” You ask him when you turn back, placing the back of your hand on his forehead, “Your face is all red; oh, god, you’re really warm. Should I get the nurse?”

“No —no, I’m fine.”

“You sure? You look like you might faint,” you worry, “I can carry you there if —”

Billy should get a medal for the amount of speed he puts into his getaway run. He’s out of sight long before you can respond, jumping into his car and driving off to anywhere else; he stops somewhere - feet swinging a little, then screaming into his hand, then back to a blushing mess.

End Note:

Hope that was alright. Stay Hydrated.

[lendeah]

The currents of destiny

Chapter 5 : End of beggining.

Summary: The phrase "end of beginning" encapsulates significant milestones which signify the conclusion of an introductory phase. It signals the triumph over initial challenges and uncertainties, ushering in a transition towards more substantial or crucial stages. As they navigate through these turning points, they confront new sets of challenges and opportunities, propelling them into uncharted territory filled with promise and uncertainty alike. Pairing: Astarion x Fem!Reader/Tav Word Count: 4.4k Tags: Heavy Angst, Psychological Trauma, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Psychological Torture (kind of), Emotional Manipulation, Verbal Abuse, but just chapter 2, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending.

a/n: Ahhh finally the last part is out! I can't believe it. Thank you all so much for your support on this small series! Hope you enjoy the final chapter as well :)

<- Previous chapter

[AO3 Link]

The night had stretched on and he still hadn't returned. She could feel the dried trails of tears on her cheeks, her face stiff with fear. Shadowheart lay curled up beside her on the bed, her presence a small comfort against the overwhelming sense of dread that consumed her body since last evening. His words rang in her head like a twisted mantra: I hope you die screaming, I hope you die screaming...

And the worst part was, from the look of his eyes, she knew he had meant every word.

As the first rays of morning stretched across the Elfsong room and Astarion was still nowhere in sight, she knew she couldn't stay there any longer. What if something terrible had happened to him? He had no weapons, no clothes, no coin… The thought twisted her stomach into knots. She needed to talk to him. Needed to explain everything to him.

The weight of her decision hung heavy on her heart as she slowly rose from the comfort of her bed. She took extra care not to disturb Shadowheart, who was still fast asleep beside her. The rest of their companions also seemed to be in deep slumber, their soft snores filling the room with a peaceful rhythm. With careful movements, she began to pack her belongings into a small bag, trying not to make any noise. The only sounds were the soft rustle of fabric and the occasional creaking of floorboards under her feet. Once she had everything she needed, she tiptoed towards the door and gently closed it behind her, leaving the others undisturbed in their dreams.

Once she was out of earshot, she released a heavy breath.

“Tav?” Wyll's voice broke the silence of the hallway, causing Tav to jump in surprise.

She turned around to find him standing there, her hand still gripping the doorknob.

"Wyll? What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to sound calm and collected even though her heart was still racing.

Wyll's expression was a mix of confusion and concern as he looked at her. "I could ask you the same thing," he replied.

Tav's mind raced as she tried to come up with an excuse. "I...I needed some fresh air," she said lamely, gesturing towards the door.

"At this time?" Wyll raised an eyebrow skeptically. His gaze was soft as he observed her. “Isn’t it a bit early to leave?”

Tav's heart sank as she looked into Wyll's concerned eyes. She considered telling him the truth; if any of her companions would understand her motives, it would definitely be heroic, gentle and compassionate Wyll.

“I am going to look for Astarion.”

Wyll's smile wavered and the playful light faded from his eyes.

"I had a feeling you would," He sighed, setting aside his wine cup and getting closer to her. "Yesterday was quite something. You must be feeling shaken."

Tav felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. Gods, why was she like this? She turned away from Wyll, unable to meet his understanding gaze.

"I failed him," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

Wyll's hand left her shoulder and gently turned her towards him so that their eyes met. "No, Tav. You did what was right. A pact with the devil is never a good idea, trust me on that."

"But I took away the only chance at freedom," she sobbed.

Wyll's face softened as he gently brushed away Tav's tears with his thumb. "You did what you had to do to protect him," he reassured, his tone firm. "We both know that the ritual would have trapped him just as much as it would have freed him." He smiled slightly. "And when we find Astarion, he'll understand too."

Tav's heart ached at Wyll's words. She knew he was right, but the guilt and regret were still eating away at her.

Tav looked down at her hands, "I'm sorry, Wyll. I didn't want to drag any of you into this mess, especially not anymore than I already have."

Wyll shook his head gently, "No need for apologies, Tav. We all have our own battles to fight. And as your friend, all I want is for you to find happiness."

She brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, meeting Wyll's understanding gaze with a small smile. "It's just hard not to worry about Astarion."

Wyll let out a soft chuckle, his eyes sparkling in the early morning light. "Astarion may be many things, my friend, but helpless isn't one of them." Wyll sighed heavily, scratching at his stubbled chin as he looked toward the closed door of the inn. "Our Astarion... He's not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, I'll give you that. But he's... changed since meeting you."

Tav blinked in surprise at his words. “Has he?”

Wyll chuckled softly, running a hand lightly through his hair as he leaned against the wall. "Well for starters," he said, "he's actually stopped to listen to someone else for once in his life. You have shown him another side of life he hadn’t seen in centuries. Kindness. Love. And that is something this dreamer's heart can appreciate."

The thought of Astarion finding some solace and happiness in their brief time together brought a small smile to her face.

"He deserves it," she said softly, her eyes on the closed door once again. "He's been through so much. I can't even begin to understand the pain he carries."

Wyll nodded in understanding. "None of us can," he said. "But I believe you have given him a glimmer of hope that maybe things can be different."

Tav nodded. She was feeling a determination unlike any she had known before. Her heart was set on finding Astarion and mending their relationship, no matter what it took. She knew they would.

“Thank you, Wyll,” she said gratefully, her strong hands gripping his in a firm shake. “I needed to hear that.”

He chuckled lightly, patting her hand before stepping back. “From one dreamer to another,” he said with a wink. “We've got to stick together.”

Tav gave Wyll a final nod before setting off, leaving her weapons and armor behind at the room. The morning air was cool against her skin as she stepped out of the Elfsong Tavern. She stood on the cobbled street, her mind racing as she tried to recall any place Astarion may have mentioned frequenting in Baldur's Gate besides the numerous taverns, but her efforts were fruitless. The faint smell of wet stone and brewing coffee filled her senses as she scanned the bustling streets for any sign of her elusive companion. Where in the hells could he have gone?

As she walked numerous streets, she felt the city stirring around her. Baldur's Gate was coming alive with the break of day; vendors were setting up their stalls, peddling goods from exotic spices to finely crafted weapons. The air buzzed with energy, and under different circumstances, she would have loved to explore this side of the city.

But not today. Today, her mind was too consumed with worry for Astarion.

For what seemed like hours, she combed the grim streets of Baldur's Gate, desperately seeking any trace of her missing companion. Now, she found herself in a narrow passage near the bustling docks, an eerie chill creeping down her spine. Before she could even process where she was, a sound behind her caused her to whirl around, heart pounding against her rib cage. The alley was cloaked in darkness, the tall buildings looming over her like foreboding sentinels. As she strained her eyes to make out any shapes in the shadows, a massive figure began to approach with menacing steps.

"That is a nice necklace, lady," a gruff voice said. "Hand it over and no one gets hurt."

She tore her gaze from the figure to look down at the pendant around her neck - an intricately-designed piece of jewelry that was a gift from Arabella’s deceased parents. There was no way in hell she was going to part with it. Her first instinct was to grab for her longsword, but her hand came up empty. She cursed herself for leaving all of her weapons behind at Elfsong.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," she said evenly, trying not to betray the fear that was gnawing at her insides.

A menacing laugh echoed through the brick walls, sending shivers down her spine. "Then I guess we'll have to do this the hard way."

Before she could react, he lunged at her. Instinctively she sidestepped his attack, but without a weapon in hand, she knew this wasn't a fight she could easily win. Not with a man his size. As he pushed further into her space, unveiling a wicked dagger from beneath his cloak, a fleeting thought crossed her mind: would this be how it ended? In a dirty allyway of all places? Would all of their battles and sacrifices be for nothing?

Before Tav could retaliate, another figure appeared beside them.

“How awfully typical of you to walk alone into a deserted alley and end up getting robbed.”

The new voice was smooth, with a lilt of amusement woven in with scorn. Tav’s heart pounded in her chest as she recognized the speaker.

Her assailant paused, looking warily over his shoulder at Astarion, who leaned lazily against the brick wall, the early morning light casting an ethereal glow around him. Astarion's crimson eyes glinted dangerously as he looked from Tav to the man.

The thug sneered at Astarion. "And who might you be?"

Astarion shrugged nonchalantly, pushing off from the wall and stepping into the dim light. "Oh, nobody special." He cracked his knuckles, the slightest smirk playing on his lips. "Tell me, is mugging the first thing they teach in thug school? Or are you just unusually incompetent?"

The man growled, clearly not liking being mocked. He made a move towards Astarion, whose smirk widened into a grin that showcased his razor-sharp fangs. It happened so fast Tav hardly had time to react; one moment, the thug was standing upright, snarling and waving his knife; then next, he was sprawled on the ground unconscious.

“Thank you for the gift, how very kind of you.” the vampire added, taking the dagger that was now on the floor. She would have rolled your eyes at his theatrics, but her heart was beating so hard at the sight of him, alive and unharmed, that all she could do was stare.

“Astarion…” her voice wavered, “You’re okay.” It wasn’t a question but a mere statement of relief.

“This is hardly the hero's welcome I was expecting,” he quipped, tucking the stolen dagger into his belt. He then turned to regard her, his smirk fading into something softer. “But I suppose it will have to do.”

Tav moved closer to him, her gaze scanning his body for any injuries. He was still shirtless and caked in blood, but she breathed a sigh of relief upon realizing that it was mostly from Cazador and not him.

“I was worried about you, I-” she choked on a sob, her eyes filling with tears. Her heart raced and her thoughts whirled as she tried to express all the worry and fear she had been holding in, all the pain and anger, but the word didn’t seem to come to her mouth. But she didn’t have a chance to speak as suddenly, he was there. His arms wrapped around her body in an embrace she had never felt before. It was as if he was holding on for dear life, as if he couldn't bear the thought of letting her go.

Tav let herself relax into his arms, her own wrapping around his waist as she buried her face in his chest. The smell of him, the soft coldness of his skin, everything was so familiar to her. They stood there, holding each other in the dimly lit alleyway, and Tav couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief and comfort. She had been so scared for Astarion's safety, and now that he was back in her arms, all she wanted to do was hold onto him forever.

Astarion rested his chin on top of her head and let out a contented sigh.

"I'm sorry," Astarion murmured into her hair, his voice wavering too. "I have treated you terribly," Astarion pulled back, his hands cupping her face as he looked into her eyes. "I never should have left you in the first place," he said, his voice filled with regret.

Tav's heart ached at the sincerity in his words. She wanted to be angry at him, to yell and scream and make him feel guilty for leaving her behind. She had thought of the many things she would say to him when she encountered him again: I hate you, I’m sorry, I love you…

But this, she didn’t expect this. The vulnerability he was showing. The broken look in his face. As she looked into his eyes, all she could see was the pain and regret that mirrored her own.

"I- I don't know what to say," Tav stammered out, her voice trembling.

Astarion's hands dropped from her face and he took a step back, giving her space. "You don't have to say anything," he said softly. "I just...I needed to see you again. To make things right for once."

She stood silently, trying to process her thoughts. Before she could say anything else, though, Astarion continued.

“I didn’t mean anything I said in Cazador’s place. I wasn’t myself. I didn’t see the full picture.” His eyes were glazed, as if reliving a memory. “If I had carried on with the ritual, I would- I would have done unspeakable things to you. I would have become like him.” He took a shaky breath. “And you knew. Because you saw the potential in me. You saw someone else I could be. Someone… better.”

Tav swallowed, her eyes welling up again. "Astarion... "

“Wait,” he cut her off, raising a hand. “I need to say this.” He looked down, as if trying to compose his thoughts, ”I'm… not entirely sure what came over me back there,” he confessed, his gaze fixed on the ground. “But I do know one thing for certain...I don't want to be that person. Not again.” He looked up at her then, a flicker of hope in his dark eyes. “I love you. I love this. And I want it all” he paused awkwardly before continuing, “that is, if you want to take me back, of course.”

She stared at him, his confession echoing in her ears. She searched his face for any hint of deceit but found none. He was looking at her with such intensity, such sincerity that it took her breath away. She couldn't believe it. After everything that had happened... he was standing in front of her, asking for a second chance. Telling her he loved her. She knew there were countless things they needed to discuss, so much to resolve between them. But it could wait, they would have plenty of time for that later.

She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves, before finally meeting his gaze. “Astarion,” she began, her voice trembling slightly. “Of course I forgive you. You know I love you. And I would do anything for you.” Tav's words hung in the air for a moment before Astarion's face broke into a wide grin. He was about to speak but she covered his mouth. ”But. If you ever say something like that again, if you ever leave me like that again, this… us. Will be over. For good.”

Tav could see the excitement in Astarion's eyes despite her words.

“Oh darling, I would never,” he said earnestly. “I promise. From now on, I will only be good Astarion. Well, as good as I can be, of course. Selfless as I am, even I have my limits.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Tav's lips as she looked at the vampire. Despite everything, she couldn't help but feel a sense of hope and happiness at his words.

"I believe you," she said softly, reaching out to gently place a hand on his cheek. "And I forgive you."

Astarion's face lit up with relief and gratitude, and he leaned into her touch. "Thank you, my love," he breathed, his voice filled with emotion. They stood like that for what felt like an eternity, until a low groan caught their attention. They looked at the robber, stirring on the ground.

“Well, I believe that’s our cue. We should go back with the rest of our esteemed companions. I’m sure they will be so very excited to see me.”

Tav chuckled as she followed Astarion out of the alleyway and back towards the Elfsong, their hearts still racing from the events that had just transpired. As they turned onto the busy street where the tavern was located, Astarion suddenly stopped, causing Tav to nearly bump into him.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

Astarion didn't answer, instead he turned her towards him and pulled her into a soft kiss. Tav's eyes widened in surprise before she melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. It felt like an eternity before they finally pulled apart, both of them breathing heavily.

Astarion gazed down at her with a soft smile. “I just couldn't resist,” he said, his voice husky. “You look stunning in my shirt.”

————————————————————————————————

From that point on, both of them worked on rebuilding their relationship. Astarion stayed true to his promise of being a better person, and Tav could see the effort he was putting in every day. She was grateful for this new side of him, one that she had never seen before, but a part of her couldn't help but wonder what had sparked such a sudden transformation, almost overnight. Despite her lingering curiosity, Tav made the conscious decision to let go of her concerns about Astarion's change. There were more pressing matters at hand to focus on anyway.

After successfully defeating the Elder Brain and putting an end to the reign of the Absolute, she thought their journey would finally come to an end and they could finally rest. However, they soon found themselves faced with the daunting task of rebuilding Baldur's Gate, which had been left in shambles after the final battle. Astarion didn't seem bothered by not being able to walk in the sun anymore, or the fact that they couldn’t start searching for a cure right away. He assured her that they would find a way eventually, much to her surprise. It was a far cry from the hopeless vampire she had first met.

Time went by so fast after that, as Tav and her companions were hailed as heroes, and they were given every luxury that came with their new fame. They all had a mansion at their disposal, but Tav and Astarion chose to settle into a small house near the sea. It was a cozy home, with a breathtaking view of the ocean from their porch.

The vampire seemed content with their new life, away from all the chaos and the threat of an imminent death. He spent his days reading books from Tav's collection or sketching in his journal. But it was during their nightly walks on the beach when Tav saw him truly come alive. Underneath the starry sky, Astarion would take her hand and dance with her on the sand, spinning her around until they were both breathless with laughter. They talked about everything and anything - their pasts, hopes for the future, silly jokes and stories from their adventure. And she couldn't help but fall more in love with him every day.

Six months after the final battle, Withers paid them a visit and extended an invitation for a reunion with their friends, which they eagerly accepted. Tav was filled with excitement at the thought of seeing her friends again. She had missed them dearly, despite the frequent letters they exchanged. She couldn't wait to catch up on all that had happened in each other's lives since they parted ways.

The night of the reunion arrived, and she couldn't contain her happiness at seeing everyone gathered once again. Lae'zel, Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll and even Scratch were there, each of them looking just as pleased to see them as they were. The air was alive with chatter and laughter, and lively tunes being played by talented bards had everyone singing along and indulging in endless drinks and merriment. As the night wore on and the drinks kept flowing, Tav found herself fully immersed in the moment, swaying to the music with her companions and sharing hearty laughs. She was completely swept away by the euphoria of it all that she almost didn't notice Astarion making his way towards her with a dazed expression on his face. He pulled her into his arms, and for a moment, they simply danced in silence, their bodies moving in perfect harmony. Then he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I can't wait for you to meet her," before pulling back with a mischievous smile.

She chuckled at his cryptic words, raising an eyebrow. "Meet who?" she asked, her voice slightly slurred from the ale.

"Our daughter," he whispered, a note of awe in his voice.

Tav's heart jolted at his words as a wave of confusion washed over her. “What are you talking about, Star? We don't...”

“That night after Cazador, a man named G’axir showed me the… power of the stars, or whatever. He was ancient and spoke in riddles, just like ol' Withers here!" He snickered, swaying slightly.

Tav furrowed her brow in drunken confusion. "And what does that have to do with us having a daughter?"

But his mind was elsewhere. “He showed me the future. Can you believe it? Actually, he showed me three futures. But two of them were…” he shuddered, “ugh, nevermind.”

“Astarion, I think you drank way too much boar bloo-”

“But the good future! Aha! That is the one we are heading towards. And in that future, we have a child, Tav. A beautiful little girl. She has your eyes... and my devilish charm, of course.”

Tav couldn't help but laugh at him. “You're kidding, right? You expect me to believe all this? That you went into the future? And that we have a...a daughter? From that future?”

Astarion looked a bit hurt by her laughter, but he quickly replaced it with his usual smirk. "I knew you'd find it hard to believe, that’s why I didn’t tell you before. But it’s true! I swear on… whatever god suits you."

She shook her head at him, her laughter dying down to a soft chuckle. “And you mean to tell me that is why you had changed your mind when I found you that morning?”

Astarion paused, his face softening as he reached out to gently brush a strand of hair from her face. “Yes,” he admitted softly. “Seeing her... Seeing you and her together in that future made me realize I wanted more than power. That I wanted a life. But to be honest, my memory is a bit hazy at the moment, so I could be wrong...”

Tav rolled her eyes, but her laughter had died out completely now. Despite the ale coursing through her veins, she could feel the sincerity of his words. "Are you serious, Star?"

He nodded, taking both her hands in his now. “I've never been more serious about anything in my life.”

“A child…” she mused.

“Yes.” Astarion's eyes shone intensely as he gazed at her.

Tav was silent for a moment, her mind buzzing with the implications of what Astarion had just told her. She was way too drunk for this, but she couldn't deny that a small part of her wanted to believe him. She reached out and placed her hand on Astarion’s cheek, her eyes searching his.

“If you are jesting me because I’m drunk I swear-”

A mischievous glint danced in Astarion's eyes as he interrupted her with a sly smile. His hand caressed hers, pulling it closer to his cheek. “Don't you trust me, my love?” He whispered, his gaze never leaving hers. “I assure you, seeing our daughter in my visions was beyond anything I could imagine.”

Tav looked into his eyes - those beautiful hellish orbs that she had fallen for - and saw a sincerity that made her believe him, despite the absurdity of it all. She felt an unusual heat rising in her cheeks as she thought about their hypothetical child - their little girl.

“You’re serious about this...” She whispered, her voice barely audible over the clamour around them.

He chuckled and continued, "But that's not the end of it! I was a tailor in the city, catering to the annoying noblewomen. And you, my dear, were a teacher to sad orphan kids."

Tav couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at Astarion's words. She could almost see it - a quaint little shop filled with beautiful fabrics and clothes designed by Astarion himself, and her teaching young minds in an orphanage. She had never pictured herself as a teacher, but as she thought about it…

"That sounds lovely," she said softly, her hand still resting against his cheek.

Astarion's lips curled into a small smile at her response. “I thought so too.”

Tav's heart fluttered at the look on Astarion's face. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, savoring the lingering taste of blood. Wether he was being honest or not, it was a beautiful picture of their future together, and she appreciated it endlessly.

“Hey, lovebirds, I didn’t come all the way from fucking Avernus just so I have to watch you two snoggling like teenagers!”

Tav and Astarion were brought back to the present by Karlach's sudden appearance. The tiefling was grinning widely as she stood between them, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Oh, dear Karlach, don't be envious of our endless affection," Astarion playfully retorted.

Karlach chuckled and nudged him with her elbow with enough force to send him tumble. "Hey, vamp boy! Don't be such a grump. We're celebrating, remember?"

Tav couldn't help but laugh at the banter between them.

"Come on, let's get back to the party," Karlach said, gesturing towards the bonfire where their other companions were now standing on tables, singing obnoxiously off-key songs. Tav and Astarion followed her, their fingers still intertwined.

She gazed up at the twinkling stars, which seemed to sparkle in response. And in that moment, she was certain; visions or not, their future would shine brighter than any star could ever foretell.

Tag list: @tinystarfishgalaxy, @imaginarypetlizard, @nanamisfriedstick, @stuckinaoaktree, @madislayyy, @cosywinterevenings, @fandom-garbage, @generalstephkenobi @ravenswritingroom

[bluewhitehues]

Hug| Kim Mingyu

Summary: You secretly like your bestfriend chan,he has no idea and sets you up on a blind date with his friend and hyung Mingyu.

Genre: fluff, comfort,strangers to lovers, romance

Pair: idol kim mingyu ×fem reader

Part 11

Later that night after your confession, you had the dinner, a little more dancing and a few more kisses until both of your hearts quenched their thirst and made up for all the times you couldn't kiss.

"You know...you really made me emotional today and it's not just the confession part, but the whole date, all the preparation you did that too all for me...you're the first girl to take this much efforts for me cause normally everyone just expected me to do everything,I was the one who used to take care of others always but you ..you care for me so much, from the start you've made me feel special...how did I even get you? I really am a lucky one..." he had finished saying it with a kiss. He talked to you so sweetly in such genuineness,his voice full of emotions you just felt the urge to protect him and love him forever.

"I'm glad I'm your first in atleast something" You had joked.

He chuckled saying,"And this one's the most important for me trust me." The way he looks into your eyes is really something cause it doesn't leave a doubt for anything, you know he's being honest, you can see it.

You couldn't ask him to stay over this time as well, so he went back ..you both slept while talking to each other on call.

Next day you don't get to meet each other as his schedule was packed and he was so tired.

"Heyy" You greet him when he calls you, it's a video call ...he's lying in bed looking sleepy and you're also sitting on your bed.

"Hii baby ...did you eat?"

"I did but you look so exhausted...are you ok?"

"Mhm so tired my eyes are closing, I just thought I'd say good night to you ..sorry I couldn't meet you today." He says snuggling in his comforter.

"Don't say sorry it's OK just take care of yourself..go to sleep, we will talk tomorrow ok? Do you have early morning tomorrow?"

"Mhm 9 o'clock" his eyes are really closing.

"Ok baby go to sleep, I'll sleep as well ..good night." You say giving him a flying kiss.

"Good night " He says taking his phone to his face kissing the screen.

You giggle at him saying bye.

Next day you wake up early and make some breakfast. You decide to go to mingyu's apartment to meet him.

It's 7:30am when you reach there. You ring the doorbell.

"Hyung can you open the door it must be the staff." Mingyu shouts from his room.

Wonwoo replies him with a "yeah."

Wonwoo opens the door to you," heyy...yn " wonwoo says surprised at first then welcomes you inside. You reply him with a hii as well .."Come in mingyu is in his room getting ready." He says pointing at the room with a smile.

You smile back at him. "Okayy thank you wonwoo."

You go to mingyu's room knocking on it, "yes come in why are you knocking." He says because it's either wonwoo or their manager nobody comes here like this.

You crack open the door,peeking your head in a little bit ...and....he is only wearning his pants, that means his whole upper body..is bare.. and damn you think, he really is mistaken cause you're definitely the lucky one here. His hair slicked back with the gel he was applying, silver heavy chain on his neck ..it's a deadly sight.

"Hey? Yn ?" He says looking at the door,eyebrows furrowed confused and surprised at first but throws you the biggest smile later.

You take a overall look (that would be so decent but you totally checked him out in those 3 seconds) and then cover your eyes with your hand. Now blushing cause it's the first time you're seeing him like that.

"Hiee surprise" You say as normally as you could.

"Oh that's convenient, covering your eyes after checking me out." God you can hear the smirk in his voice and he's walking towards you fuvk.

"I did not do that..and please wear a shirt first ahhh" You shriek when he pulls you inside, with your other hand. You stumble towards his chest. Your head bumping into his chest.

"Nah take a closer look" He says with a teasing voice.

"Shut up..I'll go if you don't wear a shirt right now."

"First admit that you did check me out come on you shouldn't lie like that." He says teasing you again, his hand still holding yours. He's totally having his fun with you.

And you know there's no escaping this now so you say, "fine I did check you out, so what you're my boyfriend." 'And you looked good you're hot' you kept it silent for now cause you know he won't leave it alone if you say it now.

He chuckles finally leaving you to go wear his shirt. "Mhm that's more like it."

He buttons his shirt and comes to you taking your hand off your eyes, placing it on his chest,pulling you closer. Tipping your chin upwards when you slowly open your eyes. He smiles at you whispering a little "hii" And tucking the hair strands behind your ear.

You lean more into his touch. "Hii" You reply going a little closer to him and of course he left the top two buttons open showing his chest and the damn attractive chain. You groan looking up at him, "what you're trying to seduce people or what?"

"Don't know about people but I definitely want to seduce you. And the way you checked me out earlier i think it already worked." He says smirking again.

You narrow your eyes at him huffing," You're such a cocky-" He chuckles before cutting you off with his lips on yours.

It's hurried at first as if you both are starving, him pulling you in, holding you tightly with one hand on your hip and other on your jaw. And god you're still not used to this, you don't think you ever will be.

He's nibbling on your lips, the speed turned slow now. And you're trying not to make any weird sound. You're gasping when he's teasing you with his tongue. "Fuvk I don't think I can ever get enough of you." He whispers pulling away from the kiss. "I just said the same thing in my mind." You whisper back. He smiles pecking your lips.

"Btw did you wake up early for me?" He asks

"Uhm yeah i brought breakfast for us , for wonwoo too."

"You did? You didn't have to baby why'd you? You have a long day ahead,you should've slept more."

You jump into his arms wrapping your arms around his neck, he catches you instantly.

You hug him tightly "but I missed you so much and you looked so tired yesterday I wanted to see you. " You say pulling back pouting at him.

He pouts back at you, "aww I missed you too my baby" You make a crying face and he's kissing you all over your face.

"I'm sorry I wish I could spend more time with you" He says with a defeated expression.

You shake your head,"It's OK I just want you to take care of yourself and I'll be ok." You say smiling at him.

"You're so sweet." He says smiling down at you pecking your nose.

You laugh, "let's go eat breakfast or you'll get late."

Then you go outside where you placed the food, mingyu calls wonwoo to eat. He thanks you for the breakfast. You all talk for a while before it's time for them to leave.

"You can come with me to the shoot? It's still early for your work" mingyu says looking at you.

"No what'd I do there I'll just go to work early it's ok."

"But I don't want to let you go yet, I want to spend more time with you please? " He says pouting at you.

But you're nervous it'll be like so many people there and it's the first time everyone will see you as mingyu's girlfriend.

"Won't there be so many people? " You say nervously looking at him.

He squeezes your hand,"No I promise I'll take care of you, also the members are there as well you can talk to them,they'll be happy to meet you."

"Uhm ok if you say so ..I haven't met seungkwan and seokmin in a long time."

"Cool then." Mingyu smiles big at you.

When you reach to their shoot you're nervous walking behind mingyu, you even hesitated on holding his hand because you thought someone will notice or spread rumours, but he assured you these are all the people he trusts and nothing will happen, so here you are.

It's 8:45 am and there are few members yet to come, but seungkwan,seokmin,jeonghan,seungcheol, hoshi,minghao are there and as soon as seungkwan spots you there's a huge smile blooming on his face.

"Ah what? Look who's here." He says making you giggle.

"Heyy how have you been?" You ask approaching him for a hug.

"I'm good I'm good" He says hugging you. "You're glowing huh look at that happiness on your face, mingyu hyung must keep you so happy." He says pulling back wiggling his brows teasing you.

You laugh and glance at mingyu who's smiling softly at you. "Yeah he does, he makes me happy."

"And you make me more happy." Mingyu says pulling your fingers enveloping your hand in his.

You greet everyone .

You hug seokmin as well he teases you both about how you two had said you were going to be friends and all.

"Well it didn't work what can I say your friend is charming like that." You say glancing at mingyu with a teasing smile. He raises his eyebrows with a shy smile on his face.

"Oh am I?" He asks.

"I'm not repeating that again." You say ignoring mingyu and dk bursts out laughing along with seungcheol. You laugh too and mingyu huffs.

"Great now my girlfriend's bullying me too." You laugh at him.

Then chan enters, "uh? Yn? Hii"

"Oh you're here ..hii how are you?" You say hugging him smiling at him.

"I'm good, it's nice to see you here..how are you? This hyung isn't troubling you right?"

Mingyu narrows his eyes at chan and you laugh, "No he's not."

Mingyu pulls you with him when they call him for the make up. You go there sit beside him, talk to him for a while and that man refuses to leave your hand.

When you tell him you have to go he whines. Then he hugs you tightly, " I'm going to miss you real bad." He murmurs in the hug.

"I'm going to miss you too baby."

"At night I'll come meet you at your place no matter what." He says pulling back.

"Ok" You nod smiling at him. He really wants to kiss you but there are people here and he knows he won't be able to let you go if he does kiss you so he bids you goodbye with a pout on his face.

You pull his cheeks saying bye to him. You tap chan's shoulder where he's sitting while getting his make up done, telling him bye ,while he turns around shaking your hand "go safely take care." "Yes yes I'll" You smile at him.

After saying bye to everyone you leave. Mingyu has told their driver to drop you off he doesn't listen to you when you refuse.

You text him when you reach at work. The day goes by as usual, till evening arrives you feel more tired than usual and you have this weird feeling that can mean that your periods are here. And it's true you manage to go home somehow. You're so exhausted, hungry and you feel so sick. After arriving home you freshen up and then pass out on your bed. You're so out of it that you don't hear your phone ringing.

Mingyu called you two times and you didn't pick up either one,so he gets worried about you cause it's so early for you to sleep. He leaves for your apartment and calls you again, you manage to pick up this time.

"Hey thank god you picked up I was so worried ..are you ok?" He asks frantically.

"Mhm I'm not" And your voice is so small,you sound so exhausted cause the cramps are starting to kick in again.

"What happened are you sick?" He asks worried.

"It's my periods" You whisper.

"Oh baby ...I'm on my way to yours, do you need anything ?did you eat? "

"No don't need anything..and I didn't have any energy to cook" You say.

"Okay don't worry baby I'll be there with the food and meds ok just 10 mins."

And he's there in ten minutes. You get up from the bed taking yourself till the door,thinking you should just give him the extra key to your place.

You open the door and he looks at you. You don't look like you, you're so exhausted and pale.

"Oh my baby." He coos at you coming inside taking you in his arms.

"You should've called me, its past your dinner time" He says rubbing your back taking you to couch.

"Didn't have the energy for that and thought you'd be busy."

"I'll manage to get to you no matter what, please tell me from next time ok? I don't want you to be in pain like this that too alone." He says worried.

You smile at him replying with a small "ok".

He makes you sit on the couch, brings the plates from kitchen and now he's feeding you.

"Did you eat?" You ask him.

"I didn't, I'll eat after you eat and take the pills."

"Uhm enough I don't want to eat." You say stopping him from feeding you.

"Babe you literally ate just five spoons? Thats not enough come on a little more."

He makes you eat a few more spoons and gives you the pills. You lie down on the couch.

"What are you doing let's go inside sleep on the bed." He says and you shake your head.

"No we will go after you eat, don't worry I'm ok" He argues but you don't listen to him pretending to sleep closing your eyes, so he sighs and eats. You smile at him opening your eyes. You love to watch him eat, you tell him that much so he smiles at you.

After eating he cleans up everything, he scoops you up in his arms amidst your protest.

"You don't need to do this much I can walk."

"Shh you can but I don't want you to, you're in pain you need to rest." He says pecking your head.

You sigh burying your face in his neck.

"You smell good...I can just fall asleep like this." You tell him nuzzling in his neck.

He chuckles,"Ok baby we will cuddle till you sleep, if that's ok with you."

"It's more than ok with me, you feel so warm ..I don't even need a heat pack."

"Oh I see the medicines are working already..or is it me? " He asks looking at you wiggling his eyebrows.

You smile, " It's definitely you ...I love you." You say again burying yourself in his neck. And his heart flutters when you say that.

"I love you too baby." He says placing you on the bed and getting beside you on the bed.

He pecks your forehead turning to your side. Your eyes are closed. You place your hand on your stomach rubbing it, he covers your hand asking if he could do it instead. "Mhm I'd love it." You say sleepily, taking his hand and putting it under your shirt on your stomach. He smiles pecking your cheek and rubbing your belly. He's so warm and you feel so safe around him, you love the feeling of him close to you.

So you turn on your side snuggling into his chest. He pulls you gently to himself with his hand around your waist. He's rubbing your back now. You fall asleep in his arms and he just can't take his eyes off of you, he pecks your head a few times before falling asleep smiling at you.

You just fit so perfectly in his arms, he feels at home. With you he feels at home. And your feelings are no different than his. You haven't felt this safe with anyone till now.

Mingyu wakes up before you because of his phone ringing, he makes sure to not wake you up and goes to freshen up, he luckily finds extra toothbrush packets in your washroom cabinet.

Then he goes to make breakfast for you. He cuts a few fruits, prepares warm milk for you because you drink it every morning. And he makes some rice and some soup.

You wake up to the space beside you empty. You get upset for a second thinking if he left but then you hear sounds from the kitchen, so you know he must be making breakfast..you smile before going to freshen up.

You go to kitchen where he's stirring the soup.

"Hey how are you feeling baby? Sorry did I wake you up?" He asks after noticing you.

"Mhm I feel better now and no you didn't wake me up." You say backhugging him.

"That's good to hear...I really loved sleeping next to you and cuddling you by the way ...we should do it more." He says smiling.

"I think I loved it a little more...I haven't felt that safe like ever.. it was like I'm home."

He turns around at that.

"That's crazy cause I felt the exact same baby I even said it to you when you were sleeping." He says with big eyes.

You giggle at that,"You did?"

He nods at you pulling you in a hug.

"Uh are you going to work today ? " He asks pulling back from the hug.

"Nope I took a leave, I always do if it's my first or second day..it's the worst." You say making a face.

He nods, " You did good baby ..you should rest." "Let's go eat I made it yummy." He says taking the food towards the table. He makes you eat.

"Thank you for the food it's so good." You tell him while eating.

"I'm glad you like it ..eat a lot baby." He says smiling. You talk here and there while you eat. After finishing you give him the keys to your apartment. He gets all giddy saying he's getting upgraded as your boyfriend, you laugh at him.

"Also next time bring some of your clothes to keep here so you don't have to go shower at your place." You say pouting at him.

"That'll be done today itself I love it and next time when you go to my place you should do it as well." He says looking all excited. You giggle at him.

"You'll be ok right? I wish I could stay to take care of you." He says looking at you with a sad expression.

"Come on it's not that bad, you already took care of me. I'm better now just a little body ache nothing else..I'm going to rest the whole day, I'll be ok you go."

He gives you a kiss on the lips before going. He promises to visit later.

At 1PM

Gyuuu❤️: Don't cook I'm bringing lunch.

You: Babe you don't have to, i promise I'll order something and eat.

Gyuuu❤️: shhh I'm already on my way

Just like that he manages to take care of you even when he's busy. He comes with the lunch, eats with you, goes back to practice, at night comes back to your place scolds you because you made food on your own, then you both eat and now you're on the bed sleeping, looking at each other, his hand is on your waist, yours is in his hair playing with it massaging his scalp.

"You're literally spoiling me gyu ...you were so busy you didn't have to do this much today."

"I'm always busy Babe I'm used to it and taking care of you is my responsibility I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend. This is not spoiling you, you're yet to see what the real spoiling is" He says smiling at you.

"I'll treat you like a queen, you'll see it." He says stroking your cheek smiling at you.

"Well i can't wait to see that then." You smile while blushing.

He pulls you in for a quick kiss before the night continues to grow amongst your chatter till you both fall asleep.

Part 12

A/n: This is it for today hope you all like it🩷🩵

Updates are late because my exams are approaching. I'll see you more often after that. There will be one more last update may be idk there's nothing much in my mind rn.

[notroosterbradshaw]

I have a thought that’s been playing in my head for the past few days. Maybe rooster finds out he’s gonna be a dad w/ reader and on the outside he’s thrilled but on the inside he’s terrified. He doesn’t sleep since finding out and one morning before the sun even rises he hears footsteps come out onto the covered deck behind him, and reader is wrapped up in a little blanket, but it’s raining and cold so of course he’s like, “go inside, you’ll catch a cold, you’re pregnant are you crazy?” And of course the reader knows he’s got something going on so while it’s like early morning raining they sit on the porch and talk about it and rooster feels so much more confident about being a good dad. I just have feels about that and idk if I explained my thots well? 🥹 if you’d be interested in elaborating on this I would love that? 💕

Here’s a wee drabble, nonny x

“Ew, rain,” you mutter, coming to sit with Rooster as he sat on the porch swing. Not what you signed up for when you made your way across the country to live your life with Bradley in San Diego. “Looks like it’s settling in,” you took his hand and tenderly kissed his knuckles.

“Looks like,” he agreed quietly. God, you hated when he internalised like this. He wasn’t great with his emotions at the best of times, but when he took his space, you knew he wasn’t processing your news.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” you said softly.

“Anything,” he admitted, not meeting your eyes.

“I know it’s scaring at you," you said softly. He noticed your free hand gently rubbing the non-existant bump of where his baby was starting to grow within you.

"No, baby," he lied. He blatantly lied to you, and sadly for him, you were so schooled in the wiles of Bradley Bradshaw and he was so transparent at times. "I’m okay."

"You're internalising, sweetheart. I know you."

He sighed. "Baby," he tried, turning to face you. He watched you shiver as the light drizzle started to cover you. "Baby... come here," he wrapped you protectively in his strong arms.

"Do you not... want the baby?" you asked, the fear in your voice that something you were sure you were both ready for (you'd had the birth control discussion, and he was very excited about that part, you'd had the baby discussion, he was just as excited about that too. Sure, it happened fast... but there was a lot of practice and wasn't that a good thing?).

"Oh, baby. Yes, I do, so so much," he said, his heart falling that you were upset now too. "I am so happy that we're having this baby," he desperately tried to reassure you. He turned you to face him and held your face, the tears threatening to fall from your beautiful eyes - the eyes he hoped your beautiful baby may share too. "I can't believe you're going to make me a father. That is the most amazing thing you could ever do for me. This is the biggest thing we will ever do together.”

"Then why are you being so... quiet? Reclusive?"

"I'm scared," he said simply, the shrug that joined his statement so limp. He couldn't meet your eyes and stared hard at the rain before you. You could see his disappointment oozing off himself and your heart ached. "I am so scared I'm going to be such a bad father. Goose wasn't around... and then I lost him. I hardly remember him anymore. I don't know what a father is supposed to do, act..."

"Oh, Bradley," your tears finally fell. "You are going to be the most wonderful father. I understand why you might be scared. Trust me, I am terrified too. We can be duly terrified together."

His face softened. "What? How could you possibly be scared?"

"Well, we're about to have this baby together and it's not like your job isn't a massive risk. I'm really scared to do it on my own and you're away so often - but there is no doubt in my mind, Bradley Bradshaw, that we are going to be amazing parents. Gimme your hand," you gently linked fingers and placed his big, strong hand under the tee you wore. "That's our baby. And it's going to be a massive learning curve. But I know one thing is for sure. You are going to be a magnificent father, Bradley."

"You think?" he said finally, his hand carefully rubbing against your soft skin. He lowered his face and rested his forehead in the crease of your shoulder, he breathed you in, letting your sweet scent surround him and centre him. “Believe me, I’m so excited, baby. I’m just so scared.”

“Trust your intuition, sweetheart. You do it every day.”

He reached up to kiss you. “I know I will be a great dad…” he said, hopeful.

"You will be a beautiful father. Just have a little faith in yourself. You’ve got time to get your head around this.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you, baby.”

You moved and caressed his face, your thumb tracing the edge of his moustache, and he reached to try and catch you with his lips. “You could never ever disappoint me, Bradley Bradshaw.”

Send me your Rooster thots.

[mothiir]

little rabbit, the bad ending

Inspired by reading about the big e’s mind control powers on @moodymisty’s asks and yeah this happened. It’s pretty bleak and answers the question- what happens when the emperor keeps hold of what he wants?

It is by no means the first time she has dreamed of the Emperor; he invades her dreams as he invades her body, appearing sometimes as a towering pillar of golden flame, sometimes as a slavering wolf with blood on its breath, sometimes as a a conquering barbarian, standing taller than any man she has ever known, hewn from copper and red stone, with eyes of fire. This time, he relaxes on a golden throne, his toga clean white linen, draped loosely over his muscular shoulders. She knows she is dreaming, because she can look at him without the well-accustomed headache — and because she can see out of both eyes, rather than having her right eye covered in a milky red film. 

“How dare you?” she says, giving voice to the words she swallows down during the day — oh how she hates how he forces her to choke down so much; her emotions, her thoughts, his damn cock. “How dare you sit there, and pretend to be humanity’s saviour? You’re not a damn saviour. You’re a tyrant.”

He watches her impassively, and says nothing. Emboldened, she draws closer. In the manner of dreams, their surroundings are hazy and undefined; it is like she walks through early morning fog. 

“You say you will save us all, but what from? You won’t say. You won’t tell anyone anything. You destroy what does not bend. You treat your sons as tools. They are human! We are all human! And you tell them that they have to purge what makes them human, all the love and the joy and —“

Her voice catches. 

“Roboute loves me! And I him! And you took me! You took me, and you won’t give me back, and you — you r-r-rape me, and you toy with me, and if I am truly nothing to you, as you claim — I hear you claim! — then why don’t you just let me go?”

She dashes tears from her eyes. It’s a dream. She can cry from both eyes, here. 

“What happens if you get your way? If humanity becomes like you? Cold and cruel and uncaring? If we lose our ability to love? To care? To sing and dance and — and create? If every civilisation we meet is destroyed? If everything is made in Your image? Then what? We’d be a shell! Humanity would not be human anymore! We would be a shadow. You’d sit there and rule over a universe of grey automatons, manifestations of Your will. Is that what You want?”

She stops before the throne. He’s not towering over here, here, when her mind can reduce him to the proportions of a man, not a divine being that denies its divinity. He is a tall man, but still a man. She can look him in the face.

”You claim not to be a god, but you act like one. You want to be a god but answer no prayers. You want to be obeyed as a father but not love like one. You’re a hypocrite. A coward. Dodging responsibility. Dodging everything.”

Breathless with rage, she stops, waiting for the dream-Emperor to respond. When he does, a thrill of fear races down her spine. 

“How interesting.“

Her mind can replicate much, but not that — not the reverberating echo of the Emperor’s true voice. This is not a dream. Against all probability, this is him. 

(Of course it is.  He’s a psyker, the strongest psyker that ever lived, and to him the minds of humans are just another plane to wander.)

”I have seen the future. I have seen the horrors that await our kind. I have torn myself apart and built myself anew to avoid them. And yet…maybe. Maybe some amendments are required.”

”I don’t understand — “

He catches her by the waist, and pulls her into his lap, smiling down at her. His eyes are the heart of a sun. His mouth is the throat of a forest fire. Be thou afraid —

“You do not have to. But you are correct — Roboute does love you, and it pains him to see you so. I will fix this. I will fix everything.”

The light blinds her. And she wakes. And she doesn’t. 

—

Roboute Gulliman, Primarch of the Thirteenth, walks beside his Lord Father, discussing their latest campaign against a nasty strain of orks in the distant reaches of the eastern Imperium, and how best to deal with them. It is an honour to be so close to the Emperor, and he feels his approval like a golden balm as he presents strategies, and the Emperor congratulates him on having such a sharp mind. It would be so easy for one so powerful to be a distant, unreachable god-like figure, but the Emperor is not — he may not have raised Roboute, but he is wholly his father. Roboute barely recalls his foster-father’s name these days. 

A slight disturbance draws his attention; a human woman, clad in an ornate gold gown, ducks out of one of the side rooms. The Emperor beams at her. 

“Excuse me, Roboute. I think my consort needs my attention. She is a needy little thing — and quite insatiable.”

Roboute’s cheeks colour a little — he’s no Leman or Horus, happy to trade bawdy jokes with the Emperor — and he politely averts his eyes as the Emperor scoops the woman up and plants a kiss on her, his tongue sliding between her parted lips. 

“How’s my girl? Restless? Be at ease; I’m almost done here, and Roboute will be on his way — and you’ll have me all to yourself.”

He settles her on one of his hips, and nips at her throat. She’s looking directly at Roboute, her expression quite unreadable. Roboute realises he’s being unfanthomly rude, and offers a little courtly bow. 

“My lady. It is a delight to make your acquaintance. I have heard tales of your beauty, and I can see that they were all correct.”

”Thank you, my Lord Primarch,” she says, her voice tiny. 

“She’s more than a beauty,” says the Emperor, fondly. “She keeps me human, don’t you my love? She shows me how to not lose sight of the small things, when the grand design occupies so much of my attention. Without her, I fear I’d forgot how to relate to humans at all!”

Roboute chuckles politely, but there’s something about the woman’s gaze — something so sad. Maybe —

A flash of gold out of the corner of his eye — probably the sun reflecting on the walls. The thought vanishes. He will head out soon, out to war for the sake of his father, and for humanity. His great purpose. His birthright. 

And all he ever wants, and all he ever wanted.

[petrichorium]

BAM: Flower Crowns

in which gojo satoru, your beloved king and betrothed, knows his time is best spent in your company riling you up.

gojo satoru x fem!reader

word count: 2.5k reader: fem (she/her pronouns, fem terms, fem clothing including dresses) tags: fluff, royal au, childhood friends to lovers, once again hes pushy n the reader's a lil bit hesitant but hed stop if she rlly wanted, vague references to violence note: see i was gonna do a few lil scenes but the first one got away from me.... but basically the period of him courting the reader (which full disclosure isnt technically courting bc that should be happening before one proposes but this occurs while theyre engaged bc Gojo Didnt Get That Memo but i digress) is just him being WILDLY inappropriate for cultural standards, everyone silently pitying the reader, and the reader having a whole ton of conflicting emotions but ultimately rlly liking it 😭😭😭

usurper!gojo tag || masterlist

“they say you’re inhuman, you know.” you’ve finished the flower chain. his eyes don’t stray from your fingers as they nimbly connect the two ends and tie them together with a final stem into a thick circlet. “they said it a lot that night. they said you were the gods’ fury made mortal.”

he snickers. “how dramatic.”

you lift yourself up onto your thighs, shuffle towards him further and reach out, and he bows his head to let you place your creation upon it. your hand trails down when you let go, drifting over his ear and along his jaw as he lifts his head from its bow to look at you. you certainly mean to pull it away but his hand beats you to it, darting up to keep your palm against his cheek as you settle back down on the backs of your heels.

“i know why they came to that conclusion,” you say. “you terrified me when i saw you.”

“did you think me inhuman?”

you hum, eyes tracing along the band of flowers now gracing his forehead, falling to rest on his hand over yours. “no. never. monstrous, perhaps. odious. but very human.”

Satoru finds you out on the grounds, tucked away at the edge where the manicured gardens give way to rough forest. The weather has been turbulent, but for the first time since the coup there’s enough sun to stand being outside the castle longer than a scant few minutes. You’d said that morning that you planned to venture out, now that early spring flowers were beginning to bloom.

You’re cloaked in heavy furs, layers of skirts and wool protecting you from the cold, all elaborate garments that he’s gifted you. It's adorable (satisfying) to see you dressed up in his presents. He tells you as much when he finds you, delves into the treeline long before you see him so that he can sneak up upon you and whisper it into your ear to make you yelp and jump away.

“You mongrel,” you accuse with wide eyes and a hand on your heart as you work to steady your breathing. “Have you no respect for your future wife?”

“Ah, she admits it readily now? Progress.”

Your face twists as if someone has struck you. He chooses to ignore it and drops to sit sprawled out on the grass, beckoning unabashedly for you to join him on his lap. You won’t relent, he’s well aware, but he’ll have his desires known either way.

“Presumptuous,” you say. He'd die a happy man if you kissed him as many times as you called him that, but in lack of the former he’ll be content with the latter.

“Sit with me, my queen. I've missed you.”

“I am not yet your queen, Satoru,” you correct out of obligation. “You saw me an hour ago, we ate together.”

“Ah, but every moment apart is agony.” Satoru wonders if you know how serious he is beneath the breezy tone. From the way you wrinkle your nose, he doubts it.

“You have a meeting with your advisors now. You should not be out here.”

He pouts. “But you’re out here, and if I have to spend more time with those old fools than you today then I'll throw a tantrum tomorrow.”

You roll your eyes, let out a sigh that sounds long-suffering, but you shift your skirts and ease yourself down to sit gracefully before him with your legs tucked next to you. His threats aren’t empty and you know it.

“Fine.” You look down, as if inspecting the grass, spreading fingers along the blades as you begin to pluck wildflowers. Then you pause and glance up at him. “Remove those… oh, whatever they are. Let me see your eyes unhindered, at least.”

“Anything for my darling bride,” he coos at you, immediately doing as asked. He’d have done so anyway, if only to watch you lose yourself in staring when he reveals his eyes, catching yourself once he blinks and snapping your head back to the ground to busy yourself once more with plucking your blooms.

“How do you see a thing through those,” you grumble lowly, certainly just to break yourself from being flustered. It works too well; Satoru immediately jumps on the chance you’ve given him.

“Would you like to try them?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for a response, mind already conjuring an image of you draped in every golden chain and precious stone gracing his chambers.

He removes them from his face, pulling the chain from around his neck, and swiftly transfers them to yours before you can refuse—tilts your head up to look at him and tugs your hair out of the way with deft fingers, eases the gilded extremities onto your ears and lets the pads of his digits linger on either side of your head before pulling away. Pausing in your work and tilting your head back down to peer at him over the top of the frames, you blink at him owlishly from behind the glass, unused to staring through it. Precious, he thinks, and wishes briefly to kiss you—but he has to be smart about kissing you, calculating. Too much attention too fast and you have a tendency to pull away from him like the ebbing tide. It's agony for him, wanting nothing more than to hold you as much as he wishes, but as much as he wants there’s very little he hates more than when you tense under his touch and turn away from him.

“They suit you better,” he tells you, because they do. You look good adorned with jewelry of his design. “You oughtn’t wear them in public, though, or all the courtiers will be scrambling to get themselves a pair. Just for me, I suppose.”

Your nose wrinkles at the mention of your newfound influence, eyes darting to the side and lower lip pouting, an expression that makes him cast aside all his convoluted schemes to ease you into his affections. He leans down to peck at your lips, kiss away the pout, gone before you can complain. It’s fast enough that you don’t immediately recoil and give him a lecture on decorum, or perhaps you’re simply getting more used to it.

Satoru’s attention doesn’t stray as you return to your work. You’ve gravitated towards flowers with long stems, he realizes; collected them in a pile on your skirts, which you seem to have deemed large enough as you pick a notably long one up and begin to string them together in a chain. You don’t bother removing his glasses either, simply allowing them to slide down to the end of your nose. The golden chain clinks softly with every movement of your head.

He wonders when you learned to make them. You’ve always been so careful about the skills you acquire, but he thinks perhaps your mother might have taught you. Or his aunt, for how much she loves flowers, and for how much of her time as queen (he’s been told anyway) was spent doing such frivolous things as making daisy chains in the gardens. You’re so very meticulous with your actions, every choice carefully constructed. He knows you’ve been doing that less and less around him—perhaps it’s finally sinking in that he cares very little about your actions, that he finds everything you do to be enthralling. More likely you’ve exhausted yourself trying. You’ve certainly exhausted yourself attempting to rein him in, though he’d like to believe you’re beginning to allow yourself to enjoy his antics.

Posterity, he thinks, will paint him as you do—bold, brash, uncaring of tradition, unapologetic in pursuit of a woman far beneath his status. There are a great many reasons you hesitate to marry him, he doesn’t blame you for your doubt. Certainly when he was younger he’d never imagined himself the type of man you’d end up betrothed to; he couldn’t count on his fingers the number of more suitable matches for the both of you in the eyes of society, but whereas in his youth he might silence himself and go along with the whims of his advisors he’s lost all sense of decency now. His close call with death and the coup he’d spent years preparing for had rid him of any desire to compromise, and he stands now in a position where he can certainly refuse the very people who once held sway over him. And you appreciate all of that, he knows it. It’s one of the reasons he adores you so; beneath your veneer of decorum lies not a lady but a queen with desires all too different from those you’ve been forced to portray. He’s always known this, and to an extent he can’t find it within himself to regret the events that have led him to where he is today because if they hadn’t transpired he wouldn’t have you.

Satoru remembers a time in his youth when his mother made a passing mention that she enjoyed a certain hairstyle on young girls—two long braids, tied with ribbons. For months afterward all the upcoming court ladies wore it diligently, yourself included. He found it painful to see on you until he discovered that they made a lovely way to pull your nose from a book and fix your attention onto him, and that he could tug on the ribbons at the ends until they unfurled and he could pocket them to return later by tying them around the necks of one of his hunting dogs and sending it after you.

(If he were the kind of man you’d marry without hesitation he’d feel remorse for his childhood actions. Instead he’s the man you will marry, and he plots how to steal one of your hair ribbons again and return it in the same way. For memory’s sake.)

“They say you’re inhuman, you know.” You’ve finished the flower chain. His eyes don’t stray from your fingers as they nimbly connect the two ends and tie them together with a final stem into a thick circlet. “They said it a lot that night. They said you were the Gods’ fury made mortal.”

He snickers. “How dramatic.”

You lift yourself up onto your thighs, shuffle towards him further and reach out, and he bows his head to let you place your creation upon it. Your hand trails down when you let go, drifting over his ear and along his jaw as he lifts his head from its bow to look at you. You certainly mean to pull it away but his hand beats you to it, darting up to keep your palm against his cheek as you settle back down on the backs of your heels.

“I know why they came to that conclusion,” you say. “You terrified me when I saw you.”

“Did you think me inhuman?”

You hum, eyes tracing along the band of flowers now gracing his forehead, falling to rest on his hand over yours. “No. Never. Monstrous, perhaps. Odious. But very human.”

“You wound me. I might die by your cruelty.”

“Die, then.”

Satoru makes a show of it just for you. Falling back to sprawl on the ground, he gags violently, stabbing at his own heart with an invisible knife and convulsing with his tongue hanging out until you shriek for him to stop, voice filled with giggles. He takes that as a cue to still, to fall limp as if truly dead with eyes fluttering shut—then beckons you closer.

“I need…” he rasps out, barely audible.

You indulge him and do so. “My king?”

“…iss…”

“What?”

“True love’s kiss,” he repeats louder, pursing his lips expectantly. He doesn’t truly think you’ll do it, and you don’t—you lean in like you will, but bypass his lips entirely and bite his cheek instead.

He yelps, just for you, just so you’ll feel accomplished. And so he can see your smile, hear the smugness in your voice as you say, “It’s a miracle, you’ve come back to life.”

But he doesn’t give you weakness for free. No, he snakes his arms around your waist before you can pull back, and uses the grip to all but pull you on top of his lap as he sits up. Perhaps it’s his lack of insistence on you giving him a kiss, or perhaps he’s simply started to break down your walls enough, but whichever it is you don’t protest. Instead you seem to find flaws in the flower crown you’ve gifted him. Your lips purse, hands coming up to fiddle with the blooms. He realizes that he can’t stand a single moment of your attention on anything other than him, even if your fingers are nearly tangled in his hair.

“If I return to court with a crown of flowers made by my lover still on my head, do you suppose they’ll think me less inhuman?”

Your face falls at the suggestion, eyes widening in mortification. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“It's far more comfortable than that heavy gold. And I happen to personally adore the artisan who made it, so—”

“I don't trust you anymore, take it off! You’ve lost the right!” You attempt to remove it, but he reacts with the very reflexes that make him so inhuman, uses that monstrous height to lift his head higher than you can reasonably reach, though it doesn’t stop you from trying.

“It'd be rude of me to refuse a gift, my queen.” Laughing, Satoru holds you back with ease, eager for the excuse to put his hands all over you while you’re too worked up to feel self-conscious.

“Not yet,” you wail. “Not your queen yet, you knave!”

“Mine either way, though,” he replies smugly with a playful tug to the chain you still wear. “Covered in my presents. It’s only fair that I get to display a token you’ve given me, no?”

“No, it is not. You’ve stolen all of my outerwear and replaced it with these, I've no other choice. But you will not return to your advisors displaying that—that childish trifle, I won't allow it, you will not expose to the court that I made such a thing for yo—oh!”

He tackles you to the ground, careful not to even knock the wind out of you, though he steals your breath the moment you’re safe in his arms by pulling you into a kiss to keep you from talking further. He’d intended it to be faster, but his nose crashes into the tinted spectacles still upon your face and he’s filled with such ardor that he can’t help but deepen it.

Your hand slides behind his head, threads through his hair. He feels you snap a single stem between your fingers. The crown comes apart just as he takes a moment to pull away, and the flowers fall to scatter in the grass beneath him, a halo around your head. There’s a little smile on your face, your chest huffs with quiet laughter, and your palm slides down to the base of his hair. You use that hold and your other hand, which has fisted his tunic, to yank him down and connect your lips again.

Above, a cloud passes. Satoru can feel the sun shine warm on his back, hear the wind in the budding trees, smell the bite of melting snow and the petals of your wildflowers, yet there’s nothing that could distract him from the feeling of your kiss. His eyes close, he pushes closer though he hardly needs to with the way you still tug on his shirt. His arm comes up to brace next to your head, just to make sure he’s holding his own weight rather than crushing you, and the other leaves your waist to trail down your thigh and grip beneath your knee, shifting your leg to hook around him. If your mouth weren’t occupied he thinks you’d be lecturing him for such an obscene display in a place where anyone could stumble upon you—so he does well to keep it occupied, refusing to part even as your grip on his tunic loosens and he’s forced to grab your newly freed hand to pin it to the ground with fingers intertwined.

It's the first time you’ve ever kissed him. He already plots how to push you into doing it again when he finally pulls away, eyes locked on your swollen lips.

[hopefulromances]

Long Time Coming I Chapter 13 I The Man

Summary: Being hired as the first female assistant coach in the league was a challenge of it itself. Being a football prodigy and University Football Legend was easy enough. Coaching Jamie Tartt was a challenge all on its own.

Chapter Summary: Reader is given an award. Jamie is supportive

Word Count: 5.2K

Warning: Some sexism hehehe

A/N: Plot plot plot! But there's some of my favorite jamie x reader moments in this one. Next is Amsterdam!!!!

Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve

I woke up alone. Now this was something I was used to at this point. Ever since Jamie had started doing his early morning runs with Roy, we hadn’t been spending as many nights together. Not that I liked it, but it was something I was getting used to.

My alarm went off at 6:00, as per usual. I did some yoga, showered, then was brushing my teeth when I got an unexpected text from Rebecca. It read:

            Please come to my office when you get in today.

Hm. That was an unusual text to get from your boss at 7:30 in the morning. I racked my brain trying to think of something I’d done to get a talking to. Yeah, it hadn’t been a great month for us, but it wasn’t anything I’d particularly done.

I finished up with my skin care and decided to head into work early to get whatever this was over with. I arrived at the club not much later, waving at the caretaker as I walked in. The walk up the stairs to Rebecca’s office felt excruciating.

But when I arrived there, it wasn’t just her. I opened the door and there was Higgins, Keeley, and Ted sitting in front of her desk.

            “Good morning, guys,” I entered approaching the group. “I didn’t know it was a party.”

            “(Y/N)!” They all greeted in unison.

            “Ah, that wasn’t creepy at all!” I laughed, trying not to show my nerves.

Rebecca motioned to a third seat. “Please, take a seat.”

I took off my backpack as I sat, holding it in front of me. “I’m not getting fired, am I? Oh my god, you’re firing me?”

            “What? Oh heavens, no!” Rebecca dismissed, shaking her hands. “Why on earth would you think that.”

            “Well, its all of you here, and I just walked in and thought it, I don’t know!” I shook my head. “If you’re not firing me, what are you doing?”

They all exchanged looks excitement filling their eyes.

            “Oooo go on! Tell her!” Keeley insisted, clapping her hands.

            “Tell me what?”

            “The anticipation is killing me!” Higgins chimed in.

            “What anticipation?”

            “She doesn’t even know what’s about to hit her!” Ted added.

            “Please just tell me what’s going on before I kill someone!” I was practically shaking at his point.

            “Oh, alright,” Rebecca addressed me finally. “(Y/N), the league is honoring you with Coach of the Month!” 

The group all cheered as I took in the information.

            “We have a press conference this afternoon,” Keeley told me. “We’ll brief you on everything you’ll need to do but we are just so excited for you!”

            “Couldn’t be happier for you,” Ted smiled. “You’re part of what makes this team great!”

            “Of course, she is! I hired her!” Rebecca hummed proudly. “I always knew you’d be great.”

I frowned. This wasn’t right. None of this was right.  They kept talking at me about what was going to happen. An interview, a photoshoot, a magazine cover but all it sounded like I was underwater. I had to get out of this room.

I stood up, grabbing my bag and leaving without so much as a word. I hurried down the stairs and outside into the car park. Why was I so upset? Why couldn’t part of me just be happy about this? I heard the door open behind me and I knew one of them had followed me.

            “Look, now I know emotions are a subjective thing, but I don’t know usually there’s at least a smile when you get a cool award.” Ah Ted. Just the person I didn’t want to see right now.

I shook my head. “Please, Ted. I don’t want to do this right now.”

            “Now, I’m confused. What exactly aren’t we doing?” Ted asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

            “This!” I shouted, pointing between him and me. “You giving me some anecdote about how I’m good enough and how I earned this because you and I both know that isn’t true.”

Ted furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

            “I know why Rebecca hired you.” The statement hung in the air. The truth behind the whole operation at Richmond. The secret I’d overheard in the coach’s office at the end of Ted’s first season with us. “And it’s the same reason she hired me.” Ted paused, nodding his head. I couldn’t help but let out an ironic laugh at the situation. “We both know that I was hired because she thought it would make us lose.”

Rebecca, so overcome with her hatred of Rupert, hired Ted and Beard and I because she thought it would make the worst coaching team. We would drive the team into the ground ruining Rupert’s favorite team. This was something I tried to ignore but since finding out it seem to legitimize some of people shouted at me on the internet and what Max had said to me before I left. I wasn’t meant to be here. I wasn’t saving the league. I was just a girl pretending to know what I was doing.

            “Now, (Y/N), I don’t know what you think you heard but-“

            “Please cut the bullshit, Ted,” I snapped, cutting him off. “I’ve worked really hard to get past it, but I don’t deserve an award when I’ve done nothing to earn it.”

Ted’s mustache twitched. “You’re right. Rebecca hired both of us to make some point to Rupert. That is true. But something else that’s true is that you’ve consistently proved her wrong at every turn.” I opened my mouth to say something, but Ted held up his hand. “Now, you might not see it, but Beard and I and even Roy, we all depend on you to keep this whole thing afloat.”

I let out a breath and wipe at my lips as I stare at him. I certainly hadn’t been feeling like that recently. Since the West Ham match, we’d been on a losing streak, and I’d been so in my head about all of it that I couldn’t do my job.  

            “I just…” I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore Ted. And this Coach of the Month is just another bullshit excuse for me to know that I’m not meant to be here.”

All I could hear in my head was the sound of my failed dreams and Max’s taunts and the paper missing the bin over and over and over again.

            “Hey (Y/N),” Ted’s voice appeared much closer than I thought he would be. “Do you remember that puzzle metaphor I told you about?” I scrunched my face up, nodding my head. “Well, that metaphor has a lot of different meanings. Maybe you should try to put it together again.”

I let out a frustrated sigh. “Can’t you just tell me what you mean for once, Ted?”

            “I mean,” He chuckled at my frustration. “You’re stuck in a rut, yeah? So, instead of trying to put the puzzle back together the same way over and over again… maybe you were putting it together the wrong way. Maybe you need to… try something new. And maybe…” He nudged me, forcing me to look over at him. “Maybe you should let someone help you put that puzzle together.”

I still didn’t get it. Well not fully. But I think I understood the gist of it. The funny thing was as we were staring at each other, Roy and Jamie came running up. Jamie smiled at Ted and I coming to run in circles around us.

            “Mornin’ Coaches,” He smiled, starting to run in place.

            “Tartt! You’re not done yet! Get to the training room and start lifting.” Roy followed up; a bit slower.

Jamie groaned loudly. “I ain’t even stopped or nuthin’. I were just sayin’ hi.”

            “Go!” Roy barked, pointing towards the door.

Jamie rolled his eyes dramatically before shooting Ted and I a wink. Roy shook his head as Jamie made his way inside, seemingly off to the training room.

            “Mornin’ Roy, good training with Jamie?” Ted asked Roy.

            “As good as it can be,” Roy grunted. “What are you two doin’ out here?”

Ted looked over at me, motioning for me to tell him. I shook my head at him, grunting that I wouldn’t. Ted hummed back that I absolutely would and that we wouldn’t leave until I said it. I let out a huff.

            “The leagues giving me some bullshit title of Coach of the Month that doesn’t actually mean anything but they’re making a big deal out of it,” I informed Roy finally.

He grunted is a way that sounded vaguely positive. “Good for you.”

            “Fuck off.”

            “Alright.”

The day was filled with Keeley throwing me through the PR wringer. What to expect, what to say, what not to say. I wasn’t super excited about it, but Ted’s words were rolling around in my head. I hated puzzles. I’d never liked them. I thought I’d figured out Jamie’s puzzle but now there was another puzzle. When would it end.

            “Okay, the most important bit is the press brief we have this afternoon. They’ll bring in you and some of the lads to talk about you as a coach,” Keeley told me, writing down some notes.

            “What will they be asking?” I questioned, trying to look over her shoulder.

            “Oi don’t be looking over my shoulder,” she reprimanded, shouldering me away. I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. “They’ll ask you probably your normal annoying questions about being a woman, but also about the team and such.”

I grumbled. “I didn’t hear them asking Pep what it was like being bald why do I have to talk about being a woman.”

            “That’s because no one cares what it’s like being bald,” Keeley pointed out, giggling. “Being a woman is actually interesting.”

            “Is it really?” I rolled my eyes. “So, uh… what guys will be coming to talk about me?”

Keeley hummed as she flipped her notebook shut. “I dunno, I was gonna ask to see who wanted to later. Do you have anyone in mind?”

Yeah. Yeah, I did. “No, I don’t want to force anyone to do it.”

            “Sure. And Ted is gonna introduce you, of course.”

            “And this is all happening tomorrow?” I pushed out of my chair. I’d already waisted the whole day, I at least wanted to get to the end of training.

            “Yup!” Keeley smiled at me. “Don’t stress, you’re gonna be great.”

I shot her a sarcastic smile. “Oh yeah, I’m gonna love it. It’s gonna be amazing.”

…

Later that night, I was resting in Jamie’s lap. I felt goosebumps spreading over my body as Jamie’s hand stroked my stomach lazily. On the TV, an episode of New Girl that I’d seen hundreds of times played but I wasn’t really paying attention.

            “Jamie…” He hummed, letting me know he was listening. “Did they tell you about this… Coach of the Month thing?”

His face broke out into a smile as he looked down at me. “Yeah, it’s great, innit? So, fucking proud of you.” He tightened his grip around my waist, shaking me proudly.

I found myself blushing at his praise. Even though I thought it was kind of stupid, Jamie being proud of me was affecting my happiness a little too much.

            “Yeah… I guess… I don’t know what I think about it,” I admitted, rolling so I was looking up at him. He cocked his head, motioning me to continue. “I guess, I just don’t know if it’s because I’m a good coach or if it’s because I’m a woman or whatever.”

Jamie scrunched up his face pursing his lips in confusion. “What… why would they do that?

            “I don’t know to make themselves look better?” I sighed, lifting myself off his lap and leaning forward. I ran a hand through my hair. “I just… I’m not sure I’m ready to go out in front of all those people and talk about myself.”

Jamie leaned forward so his shoulder was touching mine, stretching his neck so he could try and rest it on my shoulder.

            “What are you doing?” I asked, looking over at him.

            “’m trying to comfort you, you daft idiot,” he explained, rubbing his cheek on your shoulder.

            “You’re acting like a cat,” I crowed, trying to push him off of me. But he wrapped his arm around mine arm pulling me into him, rubbing his cheek all over my shoulder and neck. “Stop!”

He grabbed my legs and pulled them up into his lap, pulling me so I was sitting on him.

            “Look, whatever happens tomorrow, just know that me,” he pressed his cheek into mine. “And the rest of the lads know how amazing you are. Not just as a coach but as a person. But especially as a coach.”

I giggled, pressing back into him. “What about you Jamie? How are you feeling about playing Man City this week?’

He shrugged. “My stats level up against Man City. They’ve played well this year but we’ve got the ability to win.”

            “No, Jamie… I mean,” I turned around, so I was facing him, my legs now straddling his waist. “How do you feel, like you.”

He frowned, his nose scrunching up in a way that was far too cute for one man. “I feel… uh… I feel fine.”

I reached up and rubbed the space between his eyes. “I don’t think you do babes, you’re gonna give yourself wrinkles.”

He rolled his eyes, leaning his neck back. His neck was so exposed, it was so tempting to just… lean forward and kiss his Adam’s apple. I looked up and decided to play a little bit. I leaned forward and kissed him, right on the bottom of his neck where the skin sunk in a little bit. He hummed, the vibrations tickling my mouth.

            “Jamie, baby,” I murmured, kissing up his neck, finally finding his Adam’s apple. He groaned in response. “C’mon, I want you to talk to me.”

            “Can’t talk when you’re kissing me like that,” he croaked, his voice deep and gravely. So, I stopped, pulling away from him completely. “Hey! Wait!”

I started to slide off of him, but he wrapped his hands around my waist and yanked me closer to him. He buried his head in my neck kissing me furiously. I shrieked grabbing onto his hair to tug him back.

            “Jamie, if you talk to me I’ll give you the best blow job of your life,” you waggled your eyebrows at him.

He whined, cracking his neck back and forth before slouching back. “I feel… fine. I guess. Haven’t heard from me dad in a while. It’s not like… I’m afraid he’s gonna be there but not knowing is worse.” I nodded at him, rubbing his collarbones. “But fuckin’ Zava’s probably gonna take the attention anyways.”

I gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, it’s okay to be worried about your dad but… we’re at home. We’re on your turf. He doesn’t even need to be allowed in if you don’t want.”

            “I’m not gonna ban me dad,” Jamie grumbled. “I just… want to know.”

I nodded again. I gave him a satisfied smile before pulling him down into me to make good on my promise.

He wanted to stay over that night, but I insisted that I wanted to maintain my regular routine for the next day. But laying in my bed that night, staring up at the fan, I wished he was there with me.

I arrived at the club early. Like 6:30am early. The groundskeeper had barely arrived by the time I got there. But I was nervous. I’d been able to avoid press conferences, manage photo events and stay in my lane for the most part but today it was all on me. And why was I wasting a day doing this when we had out Man City game this weekend, I’ll never know.

            “Oh, my god, how long have you been here?” Keeley asked, handing me a coffee as she walked into the press room.

            “Since 6:30, I couldn’t sleep,” I told her accepting the drink gratefully.

Keeley clicked her tongue at me soothingly. “It’s gonna be alright, you’ve got this. I just want you to be yourself up there, yeah? We’re starting with the photo shoot first today, the press conference will be this afternoon, when the boys are free.”

And that came faster than I expected. After a long day of cameras and poking and prodding I was left staring at the door of the press room. I could practically hear it, the flashing of the cameras, I could feel it, the stares of the journalists waiting for me to slip up, waiting for their next scoop. Ted was in there right now, talking me up. I picked at my thumbs, trying to steady my breath but I was struggling to find it. I felt like my head was buzzing, and that my heart was moving at a thousand beats per second. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to drown out the now blinding florescent lights.

Suddenly arms were wrapping around me, holding me so tight. “Hey, it’s okay, I got you.”

Jamie. I immediately latched onto him. I didn’t care if we were in public, I didn’t care if someone from the press room got a peak at this, all I cared about was Jamie’s steady heartbeat helping me regain my control.

            “There you go,” He murmured, lips brushing against my temple. “Just breath, love.” I did as he instructed, finally finding the control of my breathing. I let myself blink my eyes open and look up at Jamie. He smiled at me, brushing some of the hair out of my face. “There she is.”

            “Hi, Jamie,” I squeaked at him, resting my chin on his chest.

            “You know it’s kinda nice seeing you be the needy one for once,” he said to you.

I gaped at him, scoffing. “Don’t say that, I’m having a panic attack and you’re gloating?”

            “I gotta take it where I can find it,” He chuckled. Then he leaned down and kissed my temple, his lips lingering there. “You’re gonna be amazing in there.”

            “What if I’m not… what they want?” I croaked. “What if I mess up or do something stupid.”

            “It would be right funny if you did that!” You gasped and hit his chest. “Hey! That hurt. I’m just sayin that you could become a meme.”

            “Jamie!”

            “Alright, alright, jus’ there’s no way they won’t want you cause… I mean you’re everything there is to want,” Jamie noted, as if it was easy, as if it was simple.

I felt that breathless feeling again but this time it wasn’t because of panic, it was because of Jamie. I smiled with my lips tucked, looking between his eyes before reaching up and kissing him. He kissed me tenderly, softly. In a way that made me hum in contentment. I probably would have stayed like that if it weren’t for the next intrusion.

            “Oi!” Roy’s voice made us jump apart. “If the two of you want to keep this a secret, then you better stop kissing in the fucking hallway.” He growled as he marched towards us. “Tartt, go get changed you’re gotta be in there in 5 minutes.”

I looked over at Jamie surprised. “You’re coming to talk about me?”

            “Obviously?” He stated, rolling his eyes. “Even if we weren’t dating, you’d still be my best friend.” I just about melted at that one.

            “Uuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh,” Roy groaned loudly, grabbing Jamie by the arm and starting to drag him down the hallway. “Good luck, (Y/N).”

I laughed, covering my face as I watched them go. Then the door to the press room opened and Keeley poke her head out.

            “You ready, babes?”

I watched Jamie disappear into the locker room and I felt that tell-tale flutter in my chest. I felt okay. I was going to be okay.

            “Yeah, let’s do it.”

She pulled me into the room as Ted was finishing up his speech.

            “(Y/N) (L/N) has overcome incredible odds. And she has done it with a smile. So, without further ado, it is my honor to present you with (Y/N) (L/N)!”

I walked up on the stage to scattered applause. I waved hesitantly sitting down in front of the microphone. As I did, they all flooded the stage putting up their own recording devices. My eyes darted around the room at the different reporters until they landed on the back of the room where Rebecca, Higgins, Trent, and Keeley stood. I nodded at them, glad to have some friendly faces in the room.  

            “Uh… hi! I’m (Y/N) (L/N)…” I started, looking around to focus on someone. How did Ted do this? “I’m happy to be chosen as the Premier League’s Coach of the Month. Uh… does anyone have any questions?’ Immediately the room exploded as all their hands raised up. “Um okay you, in the front row.”

            “Hi Ms. (Y/N)-“

            “It’s Coach (L/N).”

            “As a woman, what do you think the league can do to work on intersectionality across the teams?”

I furrowed my eyes brows. “That question doesn’t even make sense.”  

Again, the hands raised, everyone calling out my name. I pointed to someone in the back.

            “Coach, do you think being a woman has enhanced your ability to coach men or made it more difficult to understand the difficulties of being men in sports?”

            “That’s like two questions shoved into one and the answer is no.”

            “Coach (L/N), when you applied for the job here at Richmond did you do it to prove a point?”

            “What? That’s not-“

            “Where do you think the feature of the league is in terms of gender equality?”

This was going about as well as I thought it was going to be. I let out a frustrated sigh as they continued to shout questions at me. In the back of the room a door opened and in walked Colin, Sam, and Jamie. Colin waved at me, crossing his arms at his space in the back. I looked across the back of the room, at Ted and Keeley, Colin and Sam, and Jamie. The people in my life that made this possible. That made me possible.

            “Okay, okay, everyone listen up,” I announced, hitting my hand on the table. The room went quiet. I shot Keeley an apologetic glance before taking a deep breath. “Listen, I didn’t take this job because I wanted to make some big statement about feminism or gender inequality or intersectionality. I took the job because I wanted to play football for money, just like any of the lads on the team.”

“And if you really cared about gender equality, you’d be talking to the many female coaches that coach the women’s league. Or the many female players? Why don’t we talk about the wage inequality when the women win more games? That’s what you should be asking me about!”

I leaned back in my chair and looked around the room. The reporters were all silent until one, Marcus Adebayo, raised his hand.

            “Yeah, Marcus,” I called on him.

            “Coach (L/N), how do you feel about Richmond’s chances against Man City on this weekend?” He asked, pen at the ready.

I paused for a second, let out a huff. “Thank you, you know Man City has kept us down for a long time, but I think our chances look good.”

…

Our chances were not good. The game was bad play after bad play, the boys were just not at their best. You wanted to blame it on Zava, the bastard decided to retire without telling anyone and didn’t even show up to the game. It was depressing and everyone felt it.

            “Yeah… it was tough out there today,” I said to the reporter after the game.

            “You are Premiere League’s Coach of the Month; do you feel like there was something more you could have done to secure this win?” The reporter asked bluntly.

            “That’s somewhat of a redundant question. I’m an assistant coach. I do the best I can, but the boys are the ones who need to win, and they just didn’t have it today.” I replied, shrugging. “That’s all I have time for, sorry.”

I left the reporters with a small smile and started towards the locker room running a hand through my hair. This had been tough, and Keeley hadn’t been able to show up. Something about Shandy and a baby lamb and a lot of poop. I’m sure I’d hear about it more later.  But for now, I walked into the depressing atmosphere that was the locker room.

I looked around the room, the boys sat silently in their despair. Jamie sat on the floor in front of his cubby like he did when he was upset. I glanced over at Bead and Roy who gave me a pair of sad smiles back. I looked over at Zava’s empty cubbies and frowned. I hated Zava. To come here and bring these boys hope then abandon them without a word I’d never be able to forgive him for that.

            “Gentlemen, Hey,” Ted Emerged from the office. “That was a tought on tonight. Okay? Man City has still got our number. That… that’s all right.” The boys murmured a sad response. “We’re gonna get another crack at them later in the season. Uh-huh. Coach,” He addressed Beard. “No practice tomorrow yeah?”

            “That’s right”

            “Okay, well, I’ll see y’all on Monday,” Ted finished starting to turn around.

            “Hey, hey. Hey Coach!” Sam spoke up. “What about Zava? He quit the team.”

I looked back over at Ted, wondering the same question myself. Ted sputtered a moment before answering. “Technically he retired from the whole sport, which does make it feel a little less personal, yeah? You know, like if, uh, your girlfriend runs off with some dude and it turns out they were soul mates.”

Again the boys grumbled a response, something about Gina Gershon was in the mix but it was mostly positive. I thought Ted might end it there, but he didn’t.

            “Look. I hear you, okay? Zava is gone. And You what? I think it’s a good thing.” I perked up, interested to see where he was going with this. “Well, I do! Okay, look. Do I wanna win? Heck yeah? But I also wanna do it with folks that wanna be here.” I nodded, agreeing with his sentiment. “It’s not like we could handcuff him to his locker and make him love us.”

            “We could have tried,” Dani cried from his spot. I could help but let out a chuckle, knowing that he really meant it.

            “Hey, guys, look,” Ted regained their attention. “We got a good thing going here. Alright? We didn’t need Zava. Yeah?” Ted looked over at Jamie who nodded. I felt my heart warm knowing Ted was using Jamie’s words to encourage the team. “All we need to win are the fellas in this room right now. And all you fellas need to do is believe it.”

Just as he spoke the believe sign behind him fell, the torn pieces revealing themselves. The boys all starting clamoring shouting in fear.

            “It’s a sign!” Bumbercatch shouted.

            “That’s it. We’re doomed,” Colin agreed.

In the moment it was hard to disagree with them. Things hadn’t been great recently. And this just felt like the final nail in the coffin.

            “Hey, knock it off, okay? We’re not doomed. No one is doomed,” Ted putting his hands up to calm everyone. “But, Bumbercatch, yes, you’re right. It is a sign. I agree.” He took down the two pieces and ripped them in half. I felt myself reaching out to stop him, not even knowing I was doing it, but surprisingly, Jamie’s hand on my leg stopped me. I looked down at him and he nodded towards Ted. “Belief doesn’t just happen cause you hang something up on a wall. Alright? It comes from in here.” He pointed at his chest. “And up here,” at his head, “ and down here.” At his stomach.

“Only problem is, we all got so much junk floating through us, a lot of time we end up getting in our own way. You crap like envy, or fear, or shame.” I swallowed hard, biting my lip. I knew he was right, I’d been letting my fear and shame of who I was get in the way of my happiness. Of my abilities as a coach. “I don’t wanna mess around with that shit anymore. Do you?”

We all shook our heads, some of the lads responding with a ‘no’, or a ‘no, coach’

“No, me neither. Hell no.  Well, you know what I wanna mess around with? The belief that I matter, you know? Regardless of what I do or don’t achieve. Or the belief that we all deserbe to be loved. Whether we’ve been hurt or maybe we’ve hurt somebody else.”

“Or what about the belief of hope? Yeah? That’s what I wanna mess with. Believing that things can get better. That I can get better. That we will get better. Oh, man. To believe in yourself. To believe in one another. Man, that’s… that’s fundamental to being alive. And look. If you can do that, if each of you can truly do that…” He ripped the sign in half again. “Can’t nobody rip that apart.”

With that he walked over to the middle divider and slapped the ripped-up sign down on top of it.

“See y’all, Monday?”

The whole team responded with a ‘Yes, Coach’ before turning back to their cubbies to get ready to leave. But I stayed there. Staring at the broken sign. I wanted to believe. I needed to believe. And this team, these people, they helped me believe. Come what may, this whole room had my back.

…

I was still thinking about it as I arrived home that night. I didn’t expect Jamie to come over, it’d been a long day and he was waking up early still to do extra training. So, when he knocked on my door, I was surprised.

            “Jamie? What are you doing here.” I asked him, pulling him inside.

            “I wanna tell people about us,” He answered quickly. My eyes widened. “I know why you’ve been wanting to keep it a secret and I get that; I do. But… what Ted said today I just… I believe in us. I believe in you making me a better person and I don’t… I don’t want to hide that anymore.”

I stared at him, unsure of how to respond. I didn’t know if I was ready yet for the whole world to know. For ours to become theirs. I loved Jamie, I really did but what if it changed too much. Or worse, what if people tore us apart. Luckily Jamie continued speaking before I could answer.

            “You don’t have to decide right now. I just wanted to put it out there.” He nodded at me before leaning down and kissing my cheek. “Alright, I’m gonna go now.”

And he was out the door.

Fuck.

Tag List: Taglist:@heletsmelovehim @higherthanheroes @ajax-petropolus-wife @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @optimisticsandwichgladiator @kno-way-home @sleepy-time @wigglegiggle @skewedcherries @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @snubug @rana030 @ems-alexandra @jaymum @sokkigarden