#going straight back to my platonic and queerplatonic relationships and not looking for anything else I much prefer these

[yuribalisms]

Girl I’ve kinda been seeing decided to be weird about me being ace time to nix that ig

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Lost Boys

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam, Superfam

Summary: After Jonathan Lane Kent wipes himself from existence by canceling his own timeline, he finds himself stuck in the afterlife where he meets Jason Todd. He still wonders about the life un-lived on Earth, and how his parents would've felt about him.

Jason Todd, who is making the most of being dead, struggles with the reality of what he's left behind. He has one wish and one wish only: to send his family one final message.

Chapters: 13/?

Characters: Jonathan Lane Kent (Laney), Jason Todd, Catherine Todd, Boston Brand, Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Lois Lane, John Constantine, Raven, Talia al Ghul, Ra's al Ghul, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake

Relationships: Platonic JayLaney

Additional Tags: Angst, Platonic Relationships, Magical Jason Todd, Resurrected Jason Todd, Queerplatonic Relationships, Canon Divergent AU, POV Multiple

Chapter Thirteen: You Get Me So High (Laney's POV)

The thing about magic is that it's completely unpredictable. On our first night in San Francisco, we got a hotel instead of driving straight to the Tower. I think Jason was nervous. He lay on my chest just as he did every other night, but something was different. Jason said something out loud to me, and I blacked out until the morning time. Jason paced around on the phone. "I don't know. I woke up, and he was asleep. He doesn't sleep," Jason half-exclaimed, "I don't know what's wrong—." "Jason, what's the matter?" I asked, and he dropped the phone and embraced me. I chuckled and hugged him back. "You okay?" "Are you okay?" Jason questioned as he held my face in his hands. "I mean, I feel a little strange, but I'm—. I feel... Jason did you—? If this worked, do we still have to go see the Titans?" He let go of me and threw me some of his clothes as he packed a bag. "Yes, we need to see if you're okay... I also need to know that I'm not crazy," Jason replied. I took off my costume and got dressed in front of him. He fixed my collar and buttons, and he smiled. "How do I look?" I asked as a joke. Jason's cheeks went rosy, and he turned away from me. "Jason, I didn't mean to say something stupid—." "You've never said anything dumb... Ever. I just—. You look fine. Let's go before my dad sees—." Jason opened the door and gasped at the sight of Bruce. I hovered just above the ground and looked over Jason's shoulder. "There's a floating boy in your room... I feel like there was a talk we should've—." "Please don't say anything else. This is my friend, Laney. He's a ghost... He was a ghost," Jason interrupted, and he took me by my sleeve. "Come on, Lane, let's—." "Tell him," I whispered, "Tell him what you wanted to tell him before we go." Jason tugged my sleeve, but I wouldn't budge. "Fine... You stubborn—. Bruce, I love you... The time I spent with you were the happiest years of my life," Jason muttered. His face reddened, and Bruce embraced him. "Likewise... You can take whatever car you want," Bruce whispered to him. He handed Jason something. Jason took my hand and sped past Bruce. I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he was smiling. "Jason, can I tell you—."

"He can see you," Jason whispered excitedly. When we got to the garage, Jason picked out a car, and we started our drive. "I'll get you some clothes on the way there. Lane, maybe we should—. Where do you want to go next?" It was the happiest that he seemed in two years.

I was sort of speechless. I just wanted to enjoy Jason's happiness for a little while longer. "Can we talk to my dad?" I asked. Jason started to drive. "Well, it's a short drive," Jason paused. His smile faded. "A really short drive." "Yeah, but there's so much to see on the way," I reassured him, "And it's not like I want—." Jason glanced at me. "Lane, don't promise me anything until you meet him. He's great. You're going to love him, and I—." "Not more than you," I interrupted. Before Jason could say anything, I turned the radio on and turned my head. We drove in silence for nearly an hour after that. We made our first pit stop at a mall outside of Gotham, and he used Bruce's card to buy me something to wear. I made him wait near the dressing room in the first store because I was nervous. "Laney, we don't—. I'm sure you look great," Jason spoke through the stall door. "Let me see." I came out of the stall, and he nodded for an unreasonably long time. "I look stupid, don't I?" I asked. "No! No... Well—." I threw my hands in the air, and he pulled them back down to my sides. "I'm joking. You look nice." I smiled at him and nodded. We spent another hour shopping around before he took me out for breakfast. We ate in the car. "This tastes nothing like your mom's cooking," I blurted out on accident. I thought he'd be upset, but he turned his whole body to face me. "My mom cooked for you?" Jason asked. "We had dinner with her every day. Catherine was such a great person. I see so much of her in you. You've still got the same big heart you did there," I answered him. He shook his head. "No, you forget that I know you and your mom. You're not that different deep down." Jason always got teary-eyed when I talked about Catherine, so I grew quiet. "You told me that I gave you a gift you could never repay... What was it?" Jason asked. His voice was distant, and it scared me a little bit. "I never had anyone love me before you. You were the first person in my life to ever care about me unselfishly," I confessed. Jason blinked hard as if that was tough for him to understand. "But you're just the—." I shook my head. "You were my friend when you had nothing to gain from it. I will always have something to gain from being around you," I interrupted. He took a sip of my soda and punched my arm. Once we finished breakfast, Jason drove until I remembered something. "Pull over!" I exclaimed. Jason swerved and cursed. "What?" Jason yelled. I felt stupid for letting myself get overexcited, so I paused before answering him. "I want to do something for you... Get out of the car," I commanded gently. "What if somebody—?" "There's not another car for miles. Come here," I replied as I got out of the car. He followed me. "Get on my back and hold on tight." Jason obeyed. I knew it would cheer him up. He loved flying with me, and I loved flying with him. Once I took off, he pressed his face into my shoulder, and I chuckled. Once we were high up enough, I let him sit on my back. I could hear him crying softly, and I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I knew the answer. "What if you want to stay with your family?" Jason asked. I chewed my lip. "They're not gonna want me," I replied. I tried to laugh it off, but Jason placed a hand on my head. "Laney, they're gonna love you. They're probably gonna beg you to stay," Jason muttered, "And I want you to know that it's okay to leave me. You don't owe me anything. If you want to repay me, I just want you to be happy." I knew he meant it, but there was one thing that he didn't understand. One thing that I couldn't say. I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to be his friend. As selfish and childish as that was, it was all I knew.

[gwenthebard]

You know it might just be me or just experiences putting a bad taste in my mouth, but I really fucking hate "marriage will hold up in court, so important over qpr and polyamory to do" Because like, yeah, marriage has a lot of important benefits and legal things. But, I hate it usually comes back to "thus you should perform marriage, rather than have an unconventional relationship," rather than, "it's fucked up how our culture and society prioritizes monogamous romantic relationships over anything else"

Like this isn't to say that getting married doesn't have benefits, or has important legal shit going on. This is to say it's fucked up how marriage is prioritised and structured.

Because like, marriage isn't just a contract it's not just a legal state. It's culturally a monogamous and romantic structure that is seen a very specific way. It's something where it can mean different things to different people, and there are people who can marry platonically or still have non-monogamous relationships, but not everyone and often not in the same way

The way it changes outside perception culturally is huge, and something where deviating outside the norm is looked on badly. The way language works, it automatically tries to put the idea of married couples on a higher plane. Literally look at any polyamorous couple in media or history that ends up being "married couple still involved with others".

Three people will live together their entire life, exchange shows of love even if not rings, and people will still be like "husband x and wife y, and their girl/boyfriend z". For a lot of people that's fine, but it's also a point on how outside perceptions can look on the relationship. These people could all love each other equally, literally refer to each other as spouses in cases, but because they lack a legal connection even with this knowledge people will still try to downplay an aspect of the relationship

I feel like this especially bothers me because like, I grew up when gay people were starting to become commonly accepted but before same sex marriage was legalized. And like, literally the same arguments against polyamory and queer platonic relationships I see are what I was told about gay marriage.

It wasn't legal to get married as a gay person in my state until 2014. That is most of my life, and I grew up in the 2000s where like the idea of being gay had some more acceptance. Still, I straight up had even teachers tell us it was a bad idea to be gay, because you couldn't get married

In like, Elementary School and Middle school, barely knowing what gay was in the former case, teachers would say this. We had a discussion in like 6th grade where it got brought up how if you got into a same sex relationship it was probably a bad long term thing because you wouldn't have benefits of getting married one day. Like not as a "this is wrong and something that should change," way, but as a fucking warning against relationships

I think this is why the idea leaves such a bad taste in my mouth, because this is the same shit I hear now about polyamory or QPRs. "it won't hold up in court," "you'll not be able to make medical decisions or stay with kids," "you can get fired without recourse" and just like,

This is the same shit I got told about being gay as a kid and early teen?

Why is it more important to uphold the monogamous and romantic structure of marriage, rather than accept that there are different relationships?

Like, yeah, it's fucked up how this stuff won't stand in court or how there's so few protections. Doesn't mean I'm not polyamorous, it makes me mad there's not a recognition of it. It makes me mad Queerplatonic People need to adapt romantic institutions to fit their non-romantic relationships.

Saying Marriage doesn't need to be romantic or as a "love you the most" institution also just, kinda ignores the complete culture around it? Like, yeah, on paper it's just words and it's just a contract, but that's not changing how people see it. That's not changing the fact I'd find myself hard pressed to ever want to actually marry someone on paper, because I don't like the cultural implications of it in the modern day

This isn't trying to say marriage isn't an important thing to a lot of people, and it definitely is. Marriage equality is important, and right now it's a big deal for disabled people who often aren't allowed to get married without losing a lot of support. The thing is though, why the fuck is marriage the most important thing in our culture?

why aren't there more options for people to declare the same intent otherwise? Why is society building so many benefits around an institution is upholds culturally as "monogamous and romantic" and looks down on for deviating outside? Like it's fucked up is what it is, not an argument for marriage as a consolation

Angry rant brought to you by: me seeing the exact same argument against non-monogamous non-romantic ( even just relationships-not-wanting-to-marry) relationships as I heard against gay ones in the era of "more accepted, not legal" and seeing red

[whaleofatjme1920]

hey can I get some headcannons for Dr clef and the reader being in a T4T (trans 4 trans ) queerplatonic relationship? with the reader using he/it pronouns?? ( if requests are closed or your uncomfortable with anything in request then ignore this ask )

Clef and Reader in a Queerplatonic Relationship

[Reader is already described above]

[Warnings: Like, none?]

[AN: I feel I should remind you guys that I'm not part of the trans community other than being an ally (I'm cis)-so, if anything I ever say doesn't resonate PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO VIBE CHECK ME.]

I don't necessarily know if Clef is actively looking for a T4T relationship but for the sake of this specific request we'll say yeah, he is. He feels more comfortable in those relationships because like, y'know it just works. That's how he feels. It's like a deeper type of empathy.

I don't know if romance is outright in his place either. So, when he finds someone like you, it's great!

I think he goes into it expecting romance, but finds friendship which is entirely more comfortable than the former.

And then he learns what queerplatonic is. Look, Clef isn't well versed on these things due to years of repression he's doing his best.

A queerplatonic relationship is exactly what he needs, and it's the healthiest for him.

He calls you his very best friend, or "the one who puts up with my BS for fun".

You get to deal with his mischief a lot!! It's really fun, and sometimes you reel him back in in ways that no one else can.

You send him memes. Lots, and lots of memes.

If you're a cuddler, he's not adverse to the kind of platonic affection you might give to other friends. I think he's prone to giving you forehead kisses! Teases you verbally and then compliments you.

You make the days so much easier for him, and I think he does that for you as well.

If Epon wasn't anomalous and the three of you could live as a proper family, she'd be enamored with the coparenting job the two of you do. Will call you parental terms of endearment because she knows you and Clef are like, you're her rocks.

Clef is thankful, immensely thankful for you in his life. You fit each other's needs and are generally, a version of found family.

The intimate things the two of you do aren't romantic and are entirely emotional.

I believe the two of you go through a life partner ceremony at one point. He might straight up call it a wedding. It's a pretty small affair though, just the most important people invited.

He has a really, really hard way of explaining it, but like?? It just makes sense.

The life the two of you end up building together is really sweet.

Everyone thinks the two of you are legitimately dating and won't say it but that's not it lol. The two of you are entirely life partner best friends. A lot of your time around new people is explaining everything and it's kinda exhausting.

You get to choose the house you're in. Clef doesn't get it. He has little to no eye for taste. The best thing he's managed to do in his life besides loving Epon was getting you to look his way.

Y'know the tax benefits are kinda cool-

But your relationship and the family you've formed it even cooler.

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

AceAro Miles Edgeworth’s Platonic Crush on Phoenix Wright Headcanons

Platonic crush: the desire to be platonically intimate with someone without romantic or sexual attraction. Intensity like any kind of crushes can vary. 

In Childhood:

When they were children, Miles would often talk more about Phoenix than Larry, to the point that Ray Shields began teasing him about having a crush on Phoenix. And Miles would be like, “No?” because last time he checked he wasn’t experiencing that “heart stuff” that he sees in zany cartoons.

When they have to sit and rest somewhere, Miles would read a book with at least his knee touching Phoenix. Or if there was enough space, his back touching Phoenix’s side. No, Larry, it’s not a snuggle, now hush. (Similar to how a cat would lounge at their favorite owner’s side while casually not looking at them).

As much as he enjoyed them as the Signal Samurai trio, his favorite moments were just talking with Phoenix about anything under the sun -in the early hour before class or when they have dropped Larry home and it was just him and Phoenix. 

He often looked forward to the quiet instances that Phoenix would hold his hand while they’re walking home alone since Phoenix is more at ease with affection than he was.

Some teenagers hollered at them for it and Phoenix let go, embarrassed, while Miles was wondering why he was embarrassed when they both know it was because they were good friends. So he just stubbornly grabbed his hand again and dragged him away from those immature buffoons.

Miles was neutral when it comes to Valentines Day. But when Phoenix received a box of chocolates from a girl he likes, Miles became more aloof and disinterested. He wondered why there was no celebration for friendship. Idle time was spent on thinking what gift he would give Phoenix if there was a proper day for celebrating best friends. (Larry is also his best friend but he doesn’t have the word that distinguishes his friendship with Larry and friendship with Phoenix.)

Miles was disappointed that he was unable to find the specific term between best friend and deeper best friend. Even his father doesn’t know. Gregory Edgeworth assured him he would find it someday.

Being someone who thinks ahead, Miles knew that someday Phoenix might not prioritize and value their friendship as much as he does once Phoenix would get a girlfriend. Miles tried very hard not to think of the time they would be in middle school.

After Gregory’s death, Miles never received Phoenix’s letters as von Karma wants to isolate him from his original home. Even when Miles appreciate the song request from Phoenix dedicated to him, von Karma made it clear that sentimental relations will distract him from perfection. Plus, Miles thought it was a one time and that Phoenix probably had a girlfriend to dedicate himself to by now.

In Adulthood (Platonic Crush to Queerplatonic Attraction to QP Love):

Early Career. When Miles received college Phoenix’s letters, his first reaction was confusion. Out-of-the-blue this ghost from the past was asking him why he was being called Demon Prosecutor. Second reaction was stonewalling. There was no point delving about how a person used to make him feel. 

State vs Fey. After the trial, Miles told himself he developed an intellectual hyperfixation towards Phoenix Wright as he arranged his brand new custom chess set with the “spike-y” pawns. He was half-right. If only he wasn’t so entangled with von Karma’s opinions on “sentimental relations”.

State vs Powers. Miles’ platonic crush resurfaced somewhere after Will Powers’ case and Phoenix asking to defend him.

State vs Edgeworth. He faintly realized at the moment Phoenix had smiled at him in relief once Miles got acquitted, that Phoenix was someone he wanted in his life. If only Miles deserved so. 

Miles would never admit he finds a unique sense of enjoyment in working with cases where Phoenix had to defend. He doubted if a lot of people experience intimacy in rivalry.

State vs Skye. Unfortunately, Miles have bigger things to deal with like coming into terms with a mentor that had both raised and twisted him, struggling to find a new norm as eyes watched him, his very story available to the public, then having to face the Skye case that made him question everything he was as a prosecutor. 

It all became too much and he wasn’t thinking straight and one of those thoughts was that Phoenix was better off knowing a better person than him. 

State vs Engarde. The belief was instilled when Phoenix got mad at him for faking his own death.

After having a talk and Miles realizing that cutting people off abruptly was more of a dick move than he thought, he and Phoenix kept in touch after.

In the space he had given himself in Europe, Miles decided that aside from becoming a better lawyer, he wanted to be the friend Phoenix deserved to have in his life, with the same intimacy they had in childhood that he still couldn’t name. 

State vs Iris. Miles was pretty much neutral around Iris. If Phoenix would decide to rekindle his relationship with her (though the deception made him wrinkle his nose no matter how true Iris’ feelings were at that time), he wouldn’t care as long as he and Phoenix would still be in good terms as partners. Even if Phoenix would not put as much special connotations as he would in their partnership. That was all he could ask for after everything. 

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth. Whenever Kay would tease him about “that man”, Miles would just look at her dryly. At this point, he should know not a lot of people would understand.

7-year Disbarment. Phoenix’s disbarment drew them closer together after Miles’ was finally able to contact him when Phoenix shut everyone out. Miles couldn’t do much being in Europe but he does what he could from flying them to Europe so that Phoenix could help him with his cases to caring for Trucy.

Their commitment for each other only grew from raising Trucy together to righting Japanifornia’s legal system. 

Miles wished he could kiss Phoenix on the forehead without making it weird. It just felt like Phoenix needed it. Comforting Phoenix with hugs and handholding, at least, was never questioned for romantic interest.

When Phoenix began to study for the bar again, Miles often enjoy Phoenix falling asleep on his shoulder. Unseen, Miles would smile before poking him awake.

He enjoys movie nights with the Wright family where Trucy and Phoenix would snuggle close and dinner/banter with Phoenix every week. 

Fantasies of sleep-snuggling with the man he admires and trusts the most and has an intense emotional-intellectual connection? Of course, he does. “So near and yet so far” has never been so painful in that one time they have to share a bed.

After Phoenix got his badge back, Miles was pretty much satisfied. His life was more stable, inner and outer, than it had ever been. Phoenix and Trucy’s life were also stable. Miles now felt more confident and comfortable in their bond and Miles would do what it takes to keep it as a part of his life.

He may have felt a little thrill when they both become comfortable enough for Phoenix to be casually affectionate with his touch -an arm around his shoulder as they laugh about something, a hand on his arm when asking about a case- it felt like back in their more carefree childhood. 

State vs Wyatt. Miles was pretty much ruffled with questions about marriage directed at him of all people. But if he has to marry someone, it might as well be someone he knew so well and trusts so much. Miles may have opted out some of his opinions in marriage but he was no longer the person who would lie to himself of who that someone would be.  

He wanted... something. He wanted a sort of exclusivity with Phoenix. The idea of Phoenix dating other people made Miles realized he wasn’t the type to share. The revelation itself was frustrating when he was neutral or repulsed of varying degrees when it comes to different romantic and sexual acts.

With a combination of finally having the words to describe what he wanted in Google Search and help with his therapist, the name of what he wanted with Phoenix was a queerplatonic relationship with a compromise on whatever would be Phoenix’s romantic/sexual needs from him. If Phoenix would have him as so. And if Phoenix wouldn’t... well, their friendship had been through a lot of things, this one event wouldn’t change it much. 

(This is from my own experiences and wants as someone in the acearo spectrum. I’m not the universal experience for acearo and it can be different for everyone else.)

[roadkillramble]

Time for one of my fave first

Jade winglet LGBTQ+ headcanons

Moonwatcher

So : I believe that growing up in the rainforest, she mostly inherited their vision of relationships. Because of that, she grew up seeing polyamory and bisexuality as the norm!

She has a preference for men, but it switches up every so often and she is also remarkably quick to have slight crushes on people, although she doesn't usually act on it. I'd think she has a tiny bit of experience with relationships, but probably childhood puppy love type of things, no real serious deal.

When it comes to gender, she is fine with being seen as female, and goes by her agab, but I'd say she doesn't have a particularly strong identification to it, and if she woke up as a male, she'd be fine with it as well.

Qibli

Qibli is very much bisexual. It's probably common enough in Sandwings, and although he mostly tends to go toward monogamous relationship I'd say he absolutely does not mind polyamory although he has a lower need for several partner than some other dragons in the Jade Winglet.

When it comes to gender, I see him as cis, but he works just as well as a trans man tbh? But he's a Boy that's for sure. I like to make him cis bc like that i can make him very cuddly and like... Vulnerable in the way he explores feelings in a way that is usually seen as effeminate, which i enjoy writing for cis males more.

If feminine fashion existed in my headcanons, he'd probably enjoy crossdressing and playing with gender expectations. In general, i see him as having an interest in fashion and being GNC when he wants to. He's quite bad at making himself look good at first but he gets better. A lot of very embarrassing looks to look back on for future Qibli to cringe about.

Winter

He'd start off as bicurious and completely unaware of polyamory, and quite guilty about feeling attraction to anything else than an icewing in general, but I definitely see him as not amanormative.

I see him as neurodivergent, more on that in another post, but basically it makes it that his understanding of attraction is a bit fucky. He struggles to differentiate platonic attraction from romantic, and is quick to feel enamored with someone, which used to frustrate him and make him feel weak, especially when it wasn't reciprocated. In the Jade Winglet, he was able to explore his feelings more and settles on a comfortable mix of platonic partnership/close platonic bonds and romantic relationship, and in fact does welcome polyamory, which is more natural for him.

He's also bad with gender. Mostly, he feels a rift between him and the concept of gender, and would probably call himself agender if he cared. He mostly goes by he (and i tend to use he bc i am forgetful) but he also accepts they/them.

Turtle

Trans man!! I just see him like that and cannot for the life of me see him as anything else. I have a tendency to make him straight? I think he just thinks girls are very pretty and cool.

He rly wants to be big and strong and impressive, quite a bit influenced by both males and female in his family who tended to be bulky and Big, but he's settling with how he looks and learning to love himself. I don't think he has much dysphoria bc i don't make dragons externally different when it comes to gender, but he may have squicks with the concept of bearing eggs, which repulses him from the concept of sexual partnership in general so far (as a note i see the jw as like,, 15-16 hence why i talk about sexual attraction).

He falls in love hard tho, and has a huge thing for romantic stories.

Kinkajou

Bisexual and polyamorous!

Raised by Rainwings where it's the norm, she is very comfortable with platonic and romantic blurring together. I like to give her my "physical attraction as main attraction" thing bc i don't get to talk about it much, and kinka is one of the dragons where i can play around with it without making myself uncomfortable by worrying if it'll appear predatory.

But yeah, that means that like in the books, she has a tendency to fancy people first because of how they appear, but doesn't usually follow this through without first getting to learn what the person is like. She needs to trust the person for any kind of relationship, be it romantic or not, especially since her experience with the nightwings. She has crushes easily and is good at reading people.

I think she's secretly very good at flirting but just does not because it makes her self conscious. She just knows how to compliment people, which is also a huge advantage in friendships. Her love language is words of appreciations lol.

When it comes to gender, she's not a dragoness nor a dragon in her mind, just a rainwing. Rainwings usually choose what they want to be referred as at adulthood, so although she tends to use feminine because it's what she currently prefer, there has been times where she has used neutral or masculine. May play with neopronouns purely for fun, she doesn't take gender norms extremely seriously and likes to play with possibilities.

My ships

So i have this huge complex polycule for them bc why would I not, so here we go :

- Qinterwatcher : in a polyamorous open triad. Started with moonbli, but winter ended up joining them. Qibli tends to prefer having all his partners love each other, so he doesn't seek any partners outside the triad.

- Moonjou : They just quickly fell in love because moonwatcher adores kinkajou's sense of humor and general presence. They are both quite good at managing relationship, and have a lot of things in common, so it's a very stable relationship that is almost sure to outlast the academy.

- Winterjou : They are more platonic partners than romantic, but it's definitely a queerplatonic relationship. They started to hang out because talking about their respective pasts helped them vent and process it and just... Move on. But they ended up getting quite attached, and often spend time together if they have the opportunity.

- Turtlejou : Complicated. Kinkajou isn't quite sure what to think after anemone's spell, but she still loves Turtle, and Turtle is anxious about relationship in general. Right now they are just very close friends with a mutual understanding that if they end up both comfortable with it, it can be romantic.

Sometimes i add turtle x moon, but i see this as more of a quick thing that happened. Turtle isn't polyamorous, and only wants one partner, although he doesn't mind his partner having several.

[illfoandillfie]

Pet Names, Double Dates and Other Fiascos

READ PLATONICALLY

Request:  SECOND ARO FIC OH MY GOD !!!! maybe them getting a lil dirty and ben really does a number on reader, so he takes her to mcdonalds or sumn and the waiter says something along the lines of “you’re such a cute couple!” and reader gets really uncomfortable with it maybe??? and ben being taking her home and cuddling her PLATONICALLY and he’s like “it’s ok we don’t need to let anyone else’s opinions affect us”

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Summary:  It's (nearly) all fun and games until someone assumes your relationship is romantic.

Warnings: Smut, kitchen sex, floor sex, oral sex (f receiving), a mild hint at choking, vaguely dom!Ben but not intentionally lmao, discussions of aromanticism and queerplatonic relationships, not as dialogue heavy as the first part though. 

Words: 7, 264

A/N: Happy Arospec Awareness Week!! Big thanks to the anon who sent in that request when I asked for ideas for future chapters. I put a little bit of a twist on your idea but it’s fundamentally the same. Also the last scene is one that I’ve been thinking about for literal months now and I finally managed to fit it into a fic! 

As always, if you’re curious about anything to do with aromanticism I am very happy to talk about it and answer questions! 

Taglist:  @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @ilovequeenmorethanyou​ @johndeaconshands​ @borhapbois​ @stardust-galaxies​ @cherries-n-rocknroll​ @scorpiogemini

The day had started off well. You woke with Ben tucked up under your arm, his legs curled up towards his chest since you’d stole the covers as you’d slept. Your face was pressed against the back of his neck and you felt him shift as you sighed sleepily and tried to keep from waking. Squeezing your eyes shut and pretending you hadn’t stirred must have worked because the next thing you knew was waking up to an empty bed and tinkly tapping sounds from somewhere else in the apartment. Groggily you shuffled out from the inviting comfort of the mattress, stretched, and pulled down the hem of the shirt you’d slept in to better cover your otherwise bare thighs before following the noises. You found Ben, still in his pyjamas (well, his boxer briefs) in the kitchen, dropping a couple of toasted waffles onto a plate, humming to himself.

“That for me?” you asked, stifling a yawn. “It can be,” he said, passing the plate to you with a quick kiss on your cheek, “There’s some cut up fruit and the maple syrup out on the coffee table and there’s coffee brewing over there,” “Thanks Benny,” “You’re welcome, Puddin’,” “Puddin’?” “I thought it was cute,” “Very cute.” You laughed as you reached for your coffee, unable to help but smile as you left the room. The first few months of your partnership had taken some adjusting and one thing Ben had decided he would do to make you both feel more at home with the dynamic was to come up with some non-romantic based terms of endearment for you. You’d vetoed things like baby and honey straight away, all of them a little too heavily skewed towards romance, or just reminders of past relationships you’d tried to force yourself into, for you to enjoy them. But, as Ben had said, he liked a good pet name, and he’d seemingly been determined to prove as much, constantly coming up with new things to call you. You, never really one for pet names anyway, mostly stuck with Benny or Benjamin if the situation called for something longer but you had a few other go-tos – things like Pet and Blondie as signs of affection, or Handsome and Tiger when you wanted to make him blush.

A few minutes later Ben joined you on the couch, placing his coffee down beside yours, almost spilling it as he watched the news story that was playing. “Remember we’ve got that double date with Jill and Martin this afternoon,” you said, the memory only just coming to you yourself. “Yeah, what time was that?” “Hang on, I’ll check the chat.” You scrolled through the messages on your phone with one hand while you ate with the other, “uhhh right, yeah, meeting at the bowling alley at 1.30.” “Bowling? Good, better than another shitty movie,” You laughed, “hey the last one they picked wasn’t too bad.” “Yeah I know, just not in the mood for it since I’ve been on set all week. I know if I went to the cinema now I’d just get distracted thinking about all the behind the scenes stuff which isn’t ideal for becoming invested in the story. Plus they’re always choosing romcoms, doesn’t that get annoying for you?” “Not really,” you shrugged, “I mean, do I sometimes wish they’d branch out? Sure. But I enjoy romance in fiction I just don’t need it in my real life. Don’t get me wrong though, very happy to do something different this time.” “How long d’you think we’ll be out?” You shrugged, “A few hours maybe?” “We should pop to the shop on the way back then. You need milk and we could get something nice for dinner.” “Sounds good. Does that mean you’re staying over again tonight?” “I was planning to, yeah. Barely saw you last week so I was hoping to spend all weekend with you to make up for it.” “Bet you regret agreeing to go out with them now,” “Kinda. S’pose it’s too late to cancel though,” “Nah you still could but you know they’ll get stroppy about it and we’ll have to go out with them next week. They don’t have any other couple friends since Neil and Percy split and Bianca took her fella overseas.” “Yeah, wasn’t seriously suggesting it.” “What would the plan have been if we did cancel?” Ben chewed a mouthful of fruit thoughtfully, “you, me, your bed. No need to be too quiet since Sophie’s still out,” he glanced at your roommate’s bedroom door, his eyes swinging back to you as he continued, “Or y’know, we could do a puzzle and listen to music all day, have a cat nap after lunch, whatever.” “You’re cute when you’re being all lazy,” “There would be nothing lazy about it thank you very much,” “Cat naps aren’t lazy?” “You know that’s not the part I was talking about,” “It wasn’t? Then what won’t be lazy,” you tried to hold back a giggle in the middle of your faux confusion but broke when Ben blew a raspberry at you in response.

Nothing more was said about cancelling as you finished your breakfast, though truthfully you probably wouldn’t have minded if Ben had cried off sick and rescheduled the double date. But you both decided that Sunday would be a day for just the two of you to make up for having to spend Saturday afternoon with others. Instead, you spoke of the week just passed and commented on the news still playing on the TV. When you were finished (Ben using the last corner of one of his waffles to swipe the remnant syrup from his plate) you stood and stacked the sticky dishes in your arms. Ben collected the coffee cups and a few other assorted dishes from the previous night, leading the way towards the kitchen and the dishwasher. He loaded his small collection onto the shelves before turning to grab the top plate from the pile you held. A noise of disgust rose from his throat as you held the plate out and he miscalculated the trajectory, his palm landing in a puddle of syrup and fruit juice. You were torn between laughing at his expression and taking the opportunity to toy with him a little but, always ready to tease him, your desire to see him blush won out. Trying not to smile too much, you reached forward and wrapped your hand around his wrist, pulling his palm closer so you could lick the sweet syrup from his skin. Predictably his cheeks turned pink and he pulled his lip between his teeth as you let him go with a laugh. “Bet you’re really wishing we didn’t have to go out now, huh Tiger?” Ben didn’t respond but he did react, his eyes locked on you as he swiped his fingers along the same plate and held them out in offering. Not quite sure where things were heading but very keen on finding out, you leaned forward and let your lips part slightly. He took the action for what it was, an invitation, and trailed his fingertips across your lower lip before slipping them between the two. He watched closely as you sucked his fingers deeper, using your tongue to lick up the sweet residue. There was still an element of novelty with this aspect of your partnership. Still part of you that was intensely aware that it was Ben’s fingers in your mouth. There wasn’t any hesitation though, hadn’t been since that first time when you’d both had to psych yourselves up to actually look at each other naked. But there was a part of your brain that was almost surprised when you found yourselves at the edge of a sexual situation. You suspected he was similarly discombobulated by how easy it was for you to end up there, how frequently playful teasing and friendly jokes turned into hands grasping at bed sheets and breathless moans against sweat-slick skin. He pulled his fingers free from your lips, unwilling or perhaps unable to shift his gaze away from the thin string of saliva that connected them like some kind of erotic spider web that you were both already caught in. You waited to see what he’d do next, feeling your heart race in the pregnant pause so full of potential. And then he moved. You laughed as he grabbed you around the waist and lifted you at the same moment he stepped towards the bench, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. He kissed you too, hungrily, as if it were impossible to resist. You’d looked down at him and suddenly been pulled towards each other, lips meeting with all the force and attraction of a magnetic field. Usually, he would have had a hand against the back of your head or your jaw but carrying you meant both his hands were already occupied so instead you substituted your own, tangling your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck to keep him from pulling away too far. As soon as you were safely positioned on the edge of the bench though his hands were free to fall elsewhere. One pressed against the small of your back as the other squeezed your thigh, encouraging you to keep your legs spread. Not that you could have closed them with Ben standing between them and not that the thought had even crossed your mind.

If you’d had all day Ben probably would have taken his time with you. Despite what he’d said earlier, you’d discovered Ben had a soft spot for slow and sensual intimacy. Making out that gradually built to passionate kiss-filled sex, foreplay that included soft caresses and whispered praise, anything that let him explore your body in intricate detail with his hands and lips. You’d been with guys like that before and had hated their insistence on linking hands and kissing you slowly. Those relationships never lasted long but with Ben it felt different, it felt good. Maybe it was because he knew you weren’t on board with overtly romantic acts and respected those boundaries you’d talked about so you never felt as if he were pushing you into a roll you didn’t enjoy. Or maybe he was just a better lover than they had been. Either way, it came to same result. You still preferred something less gentle and more energetic, though you felt you better understood the appeal of being held so close and kissed so tenderly. But with only a few hours before you’d have to start getting ready, Ben was inclined to speed things up a little. His hand quickly slipped up your thigh to press against your pussy, the cotton knickers you’d slept in the only thing keeping him from direct contact. You broke the kiss suddenly, the smacking sound loud in the small room, and dipped your head to press your lips to the notch between his clavicles. In response, Ben lifted his chin, exposing more of his throat to you and you took the chance to playfully nip at the junction where his neck and shoulder met. “Oi, no marks,” he said lwoly as you moved to kiss back up towards his jaw. “Afraid I’ll brand you with my initials?” “If you could legibly write your initials in hickeys I’d put up with whatever teasing the makeup ladies gave me,” “I’ll give it a crack then shall I?” Before you could so much as flick your tongue over his skin, Ben had raised a hand and placed it over your mouth to keep you from testing our your writing abilities, “Don’t think theres enough time, Sugar, but if you really want to I’ll let you try tonight, on my thigh where no one is likely to see it.” “Make it your arse and you’ve got a deal,” you said though it was a little muffled by his palm. “Fine,” he laughed, drawing his hand away, “But then I get to try it on you too,” You nodded, grinning, and then both fell into giggles, leaning against each other’s shoulders. This was what you’d hoped for when Ben had first approached you with the idea of being partners, what you’d been afraid you’d never actually find. Someone who would follow your tangential jokes even if it delayed sex. Someone you could be yourself with. You were distracted from the thought as Ben pressed his lips to your shoulder over the sleeve of your shirt. “Should I continue?” he asked, still smiling though softer, his fingertips lightly dancing over the crease of your thigh. “I’d be offended if you didn’t” “Can’t have that,” he leaned in to catch your lips once again, at the same time resuming stroking you over your panties so that you felt all the air leave your lungs in a rush. It felt good but you need more and so shifted your hips, trying to press yourself harder against his fingers. To get more leverage and better brace yourself as your centre of gravity changed, you dropped a hand behind you. Intuitively, Ben shifted the hand on your back higher and closer to your side to help keep you steady, the other still drawing lines along your clothed slit. You gasped as his thumb took up residence against your clit, rubbing it firmly so a visible damp patch began to form on your panties.

Ben grinned at you as your breath came harder and dragged his thumb back down away from your clit towards the leg of your underwear. Still watching your reactions, he twisted his fingers up under the material, gently tracing them along the same path they’d just followed only now he could feel your wetness directly. “I’ve got an idea,” he said, leaning close to your ear, as he circled your entrance with a fingertip before pressing it into you, “of how I’d like to fuck you right now. It might take a little flexibility on your part though. I mean, nothing too much, just getting your legs up on my shoulders.” Curious, and more than a little distracted by the addition of a second finger inside you, you nodded, “Sounds fun.” “Knew you’d say that. Just tell me if it’s too uncomfortable,” “Will do.” You leaned forward as Ben moved back a little, taking his fingers with him, giving you enough room to drop your hand to his crotch and grasp his stiff length through his undies, “Just get on with it.” “Puddin’ was too nice a nickname for you. Sugar too.” he gasped as you dragged your palm along his length and back again. “What’s the matter, Tiger?” “Maybe I should call you Tiger, if you’re going to keep grabbing my cock like that,” You laughed and let him go, leaning back on your palm again, “Tigress? Whatever, doesn’t matter. Are you going to fuck me or not?” “No I just wanted to get my dick hard for no reason,” he said sarcastically, poking his tongue out at you as he pushed his underwear down. “You’re such a –” you broke off with a sharp gasp as Ben tugged your underwear aside and pressed into you without warning, “dork.” Ben chucked and leaned in to kiss you quickly before readjusting your position a little by pulling you closer to him so your arse was right against the edge of the bench. Slowly he rolled his hips against you, pulling back and thrusting forward again, finding a rhythm that worked. You leaned back on both palms as Ben grabbed you by the waist, the other resting on your knee to keep it pressed against his side. “This feel alright?” he asked as he gave another thrust, hitting a spot deep inside you. “Mmhmm,” you nodded, able to feel yourself growing wetter with each stroke of his cock. “What about this?” Ben shifted first one of your legs and then the other to his shoulders, encouraging you to bend them at the knee. His hands moved to your sides, fingertips digging into your back as he pressed you even closer. The effect was that you felt as if you were almost folded in half but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. There was an almost weightless feeling to it and any slight awkwardness you felt with your chest meeting your thighs was a small price to pay for just how good Ben felt once again moving inside you. You tightened your fingers against the benchtop, wishing there was something you could grab onto as your whole body rocked with each of his thrusts, the position allowing him to penetrate you deeply, continuously brushing against a number of spots that sent electric spikes of pleasure through you. “Fuck,” was about all you could think to say. “That a good fuck?” Ben questioned, voice gruff with his exertions. “Yeah, yes, fuck, so good,” “So you like when I do this?” You let out a soft moan as he roughly fucked into you again, timing it just right. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he half laughed, turning his head to kiss your leg before leaning forward to catch your lips again. After that there wasn’t much room for talking. Ben, having assured himself that you were happy, speeded up his rhythm, clutching you tightly to keep your legs from slipping off his shoulders. His breathing became rougher, matching your own, as he drove into you, though he still kissed you as much as he could, panting against your lips, swallowing your moans and pushing whatever air he had into your lungs.

You could feel your orgasm bubbling up, like a pot of water on the verge of boiling, but knew Ben would reach his first, recognising his expression as the one he wore when he was trying to hold back from the edge. “Fu-ck you’re s-so tight,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut as he leaned his forehead against yours, “gonna have to pull out soon,” You could feel him pulling away and tightened your calves on either side of his neck in an effort to stop him, needing just a little more to reach your own release. “Not helping,” he groaned, suddenly unable to hold off any longer, “Shit. Y/N.” You whined as he stilled to shoot his release over your walls. “Jesus,” he said a little breathlessly, as he pulled out, your underwear slipping back over you, and rubbed his neck absentmindedly, “Didn’t expect that to finish me off. Did you…?” You shook your head, letting your leg slip to be caught in the crook of Ben’s arm. “Well let’s fix that, shall we,” he said, already letting you go to bend forward, his face right between your thighs. You felt a puff of his hot breath against you as he hooked his index finger into the crotch of your knickers, pulling it aside, and then his tongue was on you, lapping up your arousal and coming to rest against your clit. He set up camp there, focusing all his attention on the small nub. You let yourself drop back so you were holding yourself up on one elbow, your other hand on the back of Ben’s head, tugging on his hair as he drew a series of moans from you. With a particularly firm suck, you felt your cunt pulse and something warm and wet ran from you, dripping over the edge of the bench onto the cupboard door. You had an idea what it was so it surprised you when Ben released your clit to lick between your lips, catching it with his tongue and spreading it along your slit. “We taste good together,” he mumbled, going in to trace the same path over again, greedily licking up the mixture. You swore under your breath, feeling yourself right on the edge of your orgasm, unspeakably turned on by Ben lapping up the load he’d just left in you. Sensing how close you were he dragged his tongue over your clit again, quickly sliding two fingers into you to help you along. You whined his name as he pushed you over the edge, continuing to pump his fingers into you as he again sucked at your clit, not stopping until he was sure it had worked. “Thank you,” you said as he straightened up again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re such a dork,” he laughed as he kissed you again, tracing his tongue over yours. The man clearly wanted you lightheaded from lack of air. “Shut up,” you pushed yourself to sit up straight again, expecting Ben to step away and let you hop down from the bench. He didn’t though, instead absentmindedly toying with the leg of your underwear as his gaze fell to your lips. “Seriously?” Ben shrugged, “Eating you out made me hard again. And,” he quickly ran his fingers along the edge of the bench, collecting some of the mess you’d left there, “I think it’s only fair you should taste us too,” If he’s said it less earnestly you might have batted his hand away and laughed off the suggestion but something about his tone made you grab his wrist to pull his fingers towards your mouth. He hadn’t been wrong, the mix of you both did taste pretty good, though you’d already got a hint of it as he’d kissed you. “Good girl,” he breathed out, eyes heavy with lust, “think you’re up for more?” “Can we move elsewhere? The edge of the counter is digging into me.” “Okay,” Ben began tugging your underwear down and kicked off his own before pulling your shirt over your head, making you laugh. He Helped you stand and then immediately pushed you to the floor. For a moment you thought he was suggesting you give him a blowjob and were about to question him but half a second later he was following you down, laying down and pulling you on top. “I meant like the bed or the couch at least,” you said somewhere between incredulity and amusement. “Too far,” he grunted, bucking his hips to encourage you to mount him properly, “need you now.” You rolled your eyes as you sank down onto his dick, “Do I actually get to cum this time or…?” “Only if you move,” Ben growled as he grasped your hips and pulled you down onto him, making you cry out at the unexpectedly sudden sensation of being filled. He let you ride him for a bit, alternating between squeezing your thigh as he rubbed his thumb over your clit and cupping your breasts, teasing your nipples as he encouraged you to fuck yourself on his cock faster. You kept to the same steady pace though, intending to drag it out a little, make him wait. But it wasn’t long before he got fed up with the deliberately slow pace you’d cultivated. Without warning you found yourself on your back, Ben grasping your thighs as he kneeled over you, pulling your hips up a little so he could fuck you the way he wanted. Your voice shook as you moaned and writhed in his shadow, your own fingers dancing over your clit to keep building your orgasm. “Isn’t that better?” he said roughly, laughing a little as you nodded your agreement, “Making me wish I had cancelled our plans. Could stay in your pussy all day.” You whimpered and rubbed your clit harder. “C’mon Pumpkin, so close aren’t ya,” You squeezed your eyes shut, moaning when you finally tipped over the edge. But that didn’t stop Ben. He waited until your orgasm had subsided and then pushed your legs wide and up into the air so he could lay directly on top of you as he continued to pound you. Your voice shook as a moan was pulled from your throat and you squirmed beneath him, feeling yourself once again being drawn towards release. There was something about his weight pressing down on you, his breath against your ear. Something about how close he seemed, almost panting as his hips stuttered in and out of the rhythm he was desperately trying to hold on to. He mouthed at your neck as you tilted your head to accommodate him, reaching a hand down to squeeze his arse cheek. You were sore from every other way he’d fucked you, tired from the two orgasms he’d already wrung from you, and yet the thought of stopping him, of ending the incredible pleasure you felt at his hands, was the furthest thing from your mind. A scream caught in your throat as he seemed to press you even harder into the floor, your legs shaking in the air as he grit his teeth and grunted with each harsh drive into you. And then he came, gasping against your throat as he felt you cum too, finally releasing the scream you’d been holding onto until the noise turned to breaths so ragged they felt like sobs.

Ben kissed your throat and then your jaw as he came back to earth, still laying on you. “How was that?” he asked softly when you’d remained quiet for a while. You drew in a deep breath, “Pum-Pumpkin?” “What?” “You called me fucking Pumpkin of all things, while trying to get me off?” “So?” “Jesus Ben,” you half-heartedly swatted at his side, “you’re lucky I was so close that it didn’t matter otherwise I might have laughed and completely lost the orgasm.”   Ben joined in your laughter, the sensation of his shaking body on top of yours slightly odd but mostly quite comforting. Until he shifted his hips without thinking and made you wince. “Sorry,” he said, pressing his lips to yours again as if to kiss away the discomfort before he gingerly pulled out of you and sat back on his knees, “But you did cum that time, right?” “I think you know I did,” you sighed, already able to see what was coming, as you let your legs drop to the floor. “So wait, how many times exactly?” You sighed and shook your head slightly. “Because if my maths is right, I think we got you to three times. Once on the bench and twice on the floor. One plus two is three, yes?” “Yes that’s how basic addition works Ben,”  “And who was it again that got you to three orgasms? Was it,” he pointed a finger as his one chest, “Moi?” “Alright asshole, you’re very impressive and a somewhat decent shag,” “I think you could be a little more grateful considering that performance. Might have been my best ever moves,” You pushed Ben in the middle of the chest, exaggeratedly rolling your eyes but, truthfully you were inclined to agree that it had been his best performance yet, at least in your experience. “Here let me help you,” he chuckled as you tried to stand, almost falling over as your legs shook. Quickly, Ben pushed himself to his feet and then offered you a hand up too, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you steady. “Thanks,” “I hope I haven’t made it too hard for you to walk. Wouldn’t want to throw off your bowling cos you were fucked so right.” “Jesus Christ,” you couldn’t help but laugh.

The rest of the time you had before you had to leave was spent tidying up the kitchen, cleaning up the evidence of the mornings activities in case your roommate got home before you, washing up and getting ready to go. Which is really when things started to go downhill. If you’d realised you might have told yourself to stay home, come up with a quick excuse to get out of it and just played video games with Ben for the rest of the day or something. But there was no way to know what was coming so you didn’t. You talked happily as you got into Ben’s car (which was already parked on the street), excited to see your friends and looking forward to the afternoon.

The double date itself was quite fun, although draining. There was always an element of playing pretend at these sorts of occasions. Not that you minded so much. It was either play up the romance of your relationship or have to explain what you were to everyone and a few hours of pretending Ben was your boyfriend was honestly much simpler. At least bowling was better than the cinema. The first time you’d gone on a double date to a movie you’d sat down beside Ben, the popcorn you were sharing balanced on the arm rest between you. Martin and Jill had raised their armrest and were virtually sitting on top of each other, hands entwined. Which would have been fine except Martin had leaned over and said, “you know these things move” and looked expectantly at you. Ben and you had shared a glance and then tried to say you were both fine with the space but they’d given you matching looks that said they thought you were being weird or prudish or judging their willingness to cuddle in public. So you’d relented and shifted the armrest so you could spend the next two hours sitting with Ben’s arm around your shoulders, both of you more tense about the situation than you ever would have been if you’d just been allowed to sit in your seats like normal. Things had improved a bit since then. Ben had told you that one night when you’d gone out to a bar together, Martin had pulled him aside as asked why he never kissed you properly. Ben had shrugged and said he didn’t like PDAs, that he didn’t want photos to spread or anything like that, especially since it was still so new, and Martin had accepted it. They began to see that your ways of being affectionate were quieter, stealing sips from each other’s drinks, a warm hand against a knee, dumb nicknames that made you both laugh. Even if Jill did sometimes still try to convince you that there was nothing wrong with snogging in the middle of a busy street. Nonetheless you never felt fully able to relax when it was just the four of you. Always conscious of how they saw you, always worried that they’d decide you weren’t being affectionate enough and would tell everyone else you were going through a rough patch which would lead to more scrutiny. While at the same time worrying that one of them would start asking how serious it was between you and Ben, were you thinking about the future? Could you see yourselves moving in together? Was he the one? And it took a lot of energy to constantly be alert about what you were saying, always careful to not accidentally give away the secret truth of the situation. Bowling was fun though and less pressure than other double dates you’d been on. You could get away with not holding hands or sitting on Ben’s lap since everyone was standing up frequently and it didn’t make sense to be on top of one another. You could share small pecks on the lips or else tight hugs to celebrate strikes. And Ben made sure to tease you for missed pins, just like he always had, with a few added silly nicknames. He called you his sweet little hotdog after a particularly bad gutter shot which had made you laugh so hard you choked on your drink, and made Jill give him a disapproving glance. He’d smoothed it over by letting her overhear him saying he loved you, whispering the platonically just for you.

By the time Jill had been declared the winner of the game, you were ready to head home and spend a night forwarding Ben weird videos and dumb memes. Ready to be allowed to just exist without needing to be romantically linked to anyone. But it wasn’t quite to be. Martin made the suggestion that all of you should head to McDonalds for dinner and before you knew it you were standing in line, waiting for the kid at the cash register to serve you. You leaned your head on Ben’s shoulder as you stared at the menu, and vaguely wondered how someone working in a fast food joint could be so bright and bubbly. Right up until Ben nudged you and asked what you wanted. “Um, can I get a quarter pounder and a frozen coke, thanks.” “And?” Ben supplied. “And what?” “Y/N I know you want dessert, get dessert.” “And an Oreo McFlurry,” you smiled and bumped Ben’s shoulder with yours as he laughed and finished paying. “You guy’s make a cute couple,” the girl who’d served you said, eyes following the path of Ben’s gaze to you, still smiling. She seemed to realise what she’d said, her ears turning red, but Ben thanked her and added, “I think I have to agree,” as he squeezed your hip, before moving away so Jill and Martin could order. You’d smiled at her too but it wasn’t quite genuine.

It wasn’t that you weren’t used to it, people assuming you and Ben were in fact a couple. You were. One or two weeks after you’d first agreed to try out being queerplatonic partners, most of your friends had put two and two together and worked out that something was going on between you. Of course they didn’t know you were aromantic and they probably didn’t have any idea what a QPR was so they’d really added two and two and got five but you weren’t about to correct them. As you’d said to Ben, it was too much too soon to do that. Maybe if the QPR thing worked out long term, maybe then you could tell them. And besides, they weren’t exactly wrong anyway. They’d originally assumed you and Ben were just hooking up after Martin had dropped in to pick up something he’d left at Ben’s and had seen you spread out on Ben’s couch with sex hair and a rather large hickey on your neck and Ben’s sweater hanging off your shoulder. He’d asked Ben who’d just shrugged in response and said it wasn’t a big deal. You estimated it took about a minute and a half to reach everyone else. The next time you’d gone out as a group you’d felt them all watching you and Ben closely, trying to determine if Martin with bullshitting them all or not. They’d all decided it was just sex though. Until you were clearly still together a month later and they decided it had to be serious since Ben had never successfully fucked a girl for that long without catching feelings. That was when they started referring to you as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was also when the comments about how cute you were or how they’d always known you’d get together had first started. The first few times you’d heard it, it felt weird but you figured that was just because it was you and Ben and you were still working out how to be partners without the romance. You’d been in relationships before though and didn’t have any major objections to anything they said so you found it fairly easy to deal with and mostly you didn’t notice it anymore.

Except now it was bothering you. Something about the girl’s comment had rubbed you the wrong way. Which made you feel bad because she was just a kid with a shitty minimum wage job who didn’t know you from Adam. She had no idea. She was just trying to say something nice to a couple of strangers. You supposed your dislike of the comment probably had something to do with spending all afternoon putting on the romantic act for the benefit of your friends. Maybe even something about the sex from earlier. Probably just exhaustion from everything, a shorter fuse. It could even just be PMS though you’d have to check how far off your next period was to be sure. Whatever the reason it felt…not wrong exactly just off. You stayed quiet during most of the meal, aware you weren’t being great company and aware that Ben had realised something was wrong since he kept glancing at you when the other two weren’t looking. “Y/N,” Jill’s voice cut through your thoughts, “Still with us?” “Yeah,” you said, pulling a smile onto your face, “sorry, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep well last night,” That statement was met by high pitched oohing noises and Martin jokily reprimanding Ben for keeping you up. You forced yourself to laugh with them, “Not like that you pervs. Ben was filming a night scene yesterday so didn’t actually get to mine until what,” you looked to Ben for confirmation, “One-thirty was it?” “Something like that. I don’t know I fell asleep almost as soon as I put my head down.” “Me, not so much,” you shrugged, “It’s all just catching up with me now.” They accepted that excuse without question and didn’t aim too many more comments in your direction, letting you finish your food without having to keep your mind on their conversation. And pretty soon you were hugging them goodbye and promising you’d organise the next date as Martin told Ben to get you home to bed before you fell asleep in your ice cream.

Ben waited until you were safely back inside your apartment before he asked if you were okay. “We were meant to get milk,” you sighed, trying to push away the annoyingly persistent discomfort. “I’ll go out later and get some. Or we can get Sophie to bring some back when she comes home. Are you okay though?” Unsure if this was a situation where you’d want space, Ben hovered at a respectful distance until you stepped in close and leaned your head against his chest. As soon as he knew you wanted him there he wrapped his arms tightly around you, “What’s wrong?” “Not sure. Think it all just got a bit much.” “How do you mean?” You shrugged as much as his embrace would allow and talked against his chest as you tried your best to explain how flat you felt, “I think the girl who served us was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, y’know.” “Did me agreeing with her make things worse?” You shook your head, “Don’t think so. I knew you meant it in a different way to her. Besides, the other two were in earshot so there wasn’t much else you could say.” “You know that what everyone else thinks of us doesn’t change anything about what we have, right, or what we mean to each other. It doesn’t change who you are.” You didn’t mean to say it but the words had escaped before you could stop them, “Wouldn’t it be easier if it did though.” “But then you wouldn’t be you and I love you, platonically.” You smiled and nodded as you stepped back a little, though Ben’s arms wouldn’t let you go too far, “I know, thank you. And I’m fine, just having a bit of an off afternoon.” “Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do to help?” “No, you’ve been perfect.” You leaned up to give him a quick kiss, “And I know I’m being stupid about it. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided not to come out to them. Besides, being back home with you has definitely made me feel better already.” “Do you want a cuppa or anything?” “Nah, think I might just go lie down and read for bit. Decompress a little, y’know.” “Okay. Give me a shout if you want anything, yeah,” he pressed a kiss to your temple and give you an extra squeeze before he let you go.

Slowly you headed to your bedroom, kneeling down at your bookshelf and running your fingers along the spines until you found the one you wanted. That particular book had seen better days. It’s spine was cracked, the image on the cover peeling away from the cardboard underneath. More than one page had begun to fray around the edges like an ancient treasure map in a cartoon, with little triangles missing and the corners permanently creased where they’d been dog eared a hundred times. But as you settled into the bed, Ben’s pillow still smelling faintly of his hair pomade, you began to feel more yourself. Ben was right. What other people thought of your relationship didn’t matter. He was still your Ben, the same Ben who’s hoodie had been living in your cupboard for years now because he spent so much time at yours anyway it just made sense to keep a spare there. The same Ben who’d bought you your favourite pair of sunglasses when you’d left your old ones at home by accident. The same Ben who’d gradually been reading his way through your entire bookshelf rather than buying his own paperbacks. You had too much history there and too much love for each other for anyone else’s opinions to matter. And your partnership was good. It made you happy so it had to be good.

The time passed quickly as you read so when you looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and saw that a couple of hours had passed, you were a little taken aback. Ben poked his head round the corner and then stepped through the doorway when he saw you looked better. “Nice to see you smiling again,” he said softly as he crawled up beside you. Without thinking you lifted your arm so he could snuggle against you, his head on your chest. “What’re you reading?” “First Test by Tamora Pierce. First book in her Protector of the Small series.” “What’s it about?” “A girl training to become a knight. Gran bought it for me as a kid while we were on a holiday at the seaside.” Ben glanced at the worn pages, “Do you reread it a lot?” “Yeah a bit. The main character, Kel, is like the only aromantic character I know of so she’s kinda important to me.” “The main character’s aro?” “I mean, not explicitly. It was published in ’99 and the terminology to describe aro experiences didn’t really start being used until like the late 2000s and even then only in certain communities online. But Tamora Pierce did answer some questions on her website and said that as she was writing the series Kel became less and less interested in romance and sex so even though she didn’t have the words for it back then, she would consider Kel aro and probably ace too. And I mean, rereading them I definitely feel an aro sort of reaction to a lot of the romance stuff, even when Kel does start kissing boys and all that.” Ben leaned back to better see your face, “Will you read to me?” You leaned down to kiss him, unhurriedly, softly, letting your lips linger on his. “Is that a yes?” “That was a sorry I’ve been weird this evening kiss actually.” ��Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, snuggling back down, his head once again resting on your chest and his arm thrown over your waist. You adjusted your grip on the book and began to read from where you’d left off, one hand running absentmindedly through his hair, both of you sighing softly as you relaxed into each other.

[hamiltalian-creates]

Wine Mom Dadceit, Pt 1

Summary: Just the adventures of divorced wine mom Deceit trying to figure out how to deal with his feral son and emo teenager, especially when they decide to team up.

Pairings: Past Deceit x Patton, Queerplatonic Patton x Logan

Words: 2,043

Warnings: Slight spoilers for the new episode

Ah, the weekends of a divorced dad. Janus would never say that they were his favorite time of the week, but he would say that they were his most peaceful. No work, no kids, just him and his self care regimen. There was nothing quite like taking a hot, lavender scented bubble bath with a mimosa or five, though on this particular week, he did have to alter that plan the tiniest bit. Remus, his younger child, seemed to be getting more chaotic by the day and Virgil, his thirteen year old with a twelve year head start on his emo phase, was not helping. In the past, Virgil would help Janus keep his brother in check or would at least keep himself busy while Janus rounded him up, but more recently, Virgil was getting involved in Remus’s schemes, at least at home. In public, he still just preferred to keep to himself and let Remus draw all of the attention to himself.

So, instead of the usual champagne in his drink, Janus decided to go with vodka and did so with a heavier hand than usual. Originally, his plan was to go through the line of drinks that he’d made and see how long it would take before he passed out in the bathtub, but sometimes parenthood meant that he couldn’t enjoy even the simplest of pleasures.

Janus had just taken the first sip of his first drink when his phone began ringing all the way from where it was beside the sink.

“Someone had better be dying!” he said as he got out of the hot water. Every weekend, he set his phone to only ring for a call from Virgil, his ex husband, Patton, or his ex husband’s much more responsible queer platonic partner, Logan, but he also made it very clear that he was not to be bothered unless it was an issue of utmost importance.

On this weekend, it was Patton who either had to give Janus a good enough reason to be calling or risk his head. Janus rolled his eyes and answered the phone, the same reaction he would’ve had if it was anybody else.

“Hello?” he said, trying not to sound too annoyed.

“Hey, Janus, I know you asked for us not to bother you, but we can’t find Roman anywhere and I know that Remus and Virgil did it.”

Ah, yes, that was another issue that they had. Logan, had Roman, a kid about Remus’s age, from a previous relationship and, to put it simply, he didn’t get along with Remus or Virgil. Things never got as out of hand as they did between Remus and Virgil alone, but it did still worry Patton.

“Well, how do you know they did it?” Janus asked, partially because he really didn’t want to have to go anywhere and partially out of defense. To be clear, he wasn't defensive against Patton, he was sure there was a good basis for the accusation, but the stupid PTA moms made it instinctual.

“Because I asked where he was and Remus said ‘don’t worry, I’m sure he’s being fed and hydrated’ then Virgil gave him a look. They’re refusing to talk.”

“... Did you check the attic?”

“Janus!”

“Alright! You’re right, fine, I’ll be there in a bit,” Janus decided, putting his phone on speaker mode as he began moisturizing. “I hope you appreciate the fact that I’m saving my vodka for later over this.”

Patton paused for a second. “Were you drinking? I can go pick you up, if you want.”

Janus laughed and began getting dressed. “And leave Logan to deal with Remus and Virgil? No way, I like him too much for that. Don’t worry, I only got to take a sip before you called.”

“Alright... Thanks again.”

“No problem. You know I can barely handle them and I’m the one taking care of them most of the time.”

“I’ll see you when you get here.”

Janus heard his phone beep as Patton hung up and groaned. Why couldn’t they terrorize a kid that he didn’t care about?

As soon as he was ready, Janus drove over to Patton’s house, noticing that it was almost too quiet as he walked up to the front door. Were they sure that his kids were inside? He knocked on the front door and waited to find out.

Logan answered the door, visibly relieved as he saw Janus there. “Thank goodness.. Sorry to interrupt your self care day, but we seriously cannot find Roman anywhere.”

“I get it, it’s fine. I told Remus that Roman was off limits for his little torture sessions, but we both know he doesn’t like to listen.”

“The fact that you didn’t put any kind of air quotations around ‘torture sessions’ is really not going to sit right with me.”

Janus shrugged and walked in. “Just tell me where they are and we’ll be out of your hair.”

Logan closed the door behind him and lead him to where Patton was holding the two kids. “Oh, you don’t have to take them for the whole weekend, we can still watch them once this is done and over with.”

Janus almost laughed at that. “No, after I had to stop my self care weekend for this and Remus did what I explicitly told him not to, I’m taking them with me. No offense to either of you, but Patton’s method of just grounding them won’t work.”

Logan was too afraid to ask what would work on a kid like Remus. He was a good kid, he was just absolutely feral. “Well, they’re just waiting up in Remus’s room..” He showed him the rest of the way up and announced their arrival. “Patton, Janus is here.”

“No!” Remus cried out, running straight towards Janus to headbutt him, his father putting his hands in the way and catching him by his head.

“Remus, listen to me, where did you put Roman?”

“I just want to point out that this was completely Remus’s idea,” Virgil said.

“Ah, yes, because an eight year old is capable of pulling this kind of heist off,” Janus remarked, picking Remus up and carrying him under his arm. People liked to remark that Remus was a little too old to be carried like that, but then Janus gave him permission to give that person hell for a few minutes and they were silenced.

“He called Virgil a raccoon! Only I can call him a raccoon!”

Logan cringed at that. “I told him to stop with the name calling..”

Janus waved it off. “Remus, Roman is like your step brother now. We talked about this, when you get mad at him, you do not hide him.”

Remus pouted and wiggled to get down, landing on his feet as Janus released him. “Fine, but if he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll hide his favorite prince costume.”

“If he keeps making fun of Virgil, I’ll allow it, but can you please tell us where he is?” Logan asked.

Remus nodded and walked over to Roman’s room, leading the adults to his closet.

“We already checked in here,” Logan muttered.

“Well, he’s in there,” Remus said.

“Again with the talking back?” Janus scolded. “Please just show us where he is.”

Remus opened the closet door and moved all of the clothes out of the way, showing them a Roman that had been duct taped to the wall.

“Oh my goodness!” Logan cried out, running to get something to help free his son.

“Where did you even get this much duct tape?!” Patton asked.

Janus rolled his eyes. “You’re in so much trouble... Patton, do you guys have any alcohol?”

“I don’t know if this is really the time for a drink..”

“Rubbing alcohol, Patton, for the tape on his face.”

“Oh! Right, sorry..” Patton laughed awkwardly and ran off to get that.

Janus smiled and turned back to Roman. “Sorry about Remus... He gets protective of Virgil sometimes.”

Roman just shrugged, apparently unbothered by the situation.

“I’m guessing the fear wore off a while ago. This is the part where I would usually tell you that I’ll do something next time you mess with my son, but I feel like he doesn’t need the extra protection.”

Roman shook his head.

Logan ran back into the room with a pair of scissors and a box cutter. “Alright, Roman, hold still..”

“Yeah, or else he’s going to cut off your fingers!” Remus said, laughing.

“I think we’ve heard enough out of you,” Janus scolded. “I’m going to need you to wait with Virgil while I figure out what to do with you when we get home.”

Remus pouted. “But I want to stay with papa this weekend!”

Janus shrugged and carried him over to Virgil’s room. “Then consider this part of your punishment.”

Remus groaned as Janus put him down on his brother’s bed. “Pack your shit, we’re going home early!”

“Remus! We’ve talked about the cursing! Save it for when we get home!”

“You never let me do anything!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed Remus’s arm. “I’ve got him, don’t worry.”

“Oh, yeah, don’t let me forget that you did have a part in this too.”

Virgil groaned as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this and grabbed his weekend bag, getting ready to leave with Remus.

Janus nodded and walked back to Roman’s room, watching as his two dads freed him.

The second Roman dropped to the ground, he marched right on over to Janus.

“You can tell Remus that I’m ready for a rematch at any time!”

Janus chuckled. “Oh, really? Let me get him right-”

“No! Take him away! Take him away! Take him away!”

Were it any other child, Janus would’ve taken offense and followed through on his threat of bringing Remus out. But, considering the fact that Roman was known to be dramatic and they just peeled him off the wall, he decided against it this time.

“I guess the three of us should get going, then. I’ll talk to you later, Patton. Logan, help your son stay off of walls.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at him.

Janus just laughed and left, dragging his sons to the car. “You two are in so much trouble,” he said as they got into the car.

“What are you going to do?” Remus asked. “Stick us in a dark closet? Wax our hair with duct tape? Hang us on a wall by a chain?”

“Stop listing weird things!” Virgil said, holding his head. “He’s not going to do that to us! ... Right?”

“No!” Janus insisted. “No, I’d never do that. I’m taking you to the park. Virgil, we all know how you feel about sunlight and Remus, if I see you anywhere you’re not supposed to be or if you bother another innocent child, I will bring out the leash and you’ll be on a boring walk with me and Virgil.”

“No!”

“You should've thought of that before you taped Roman to a wall!” How Remus usually ended up on the sun covers above the playgrounds or sitting on top of the swing sets, they'd never know, but it seemed to be at least half the fun of going to the park for him. At least this way, Remus would still be getting all of that energy out for a little bit.

“Do I have to go?” Virgil asked. “It’s so bright and it’s so hot out...”

“You do. You can walk with me under a parasol.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, hiding a small laugh. “You’re so gay..”

Janus swatted at him jokingly. “Uh, excuse you, I am bisexual. You, however, are gay. If you’re going to use labels as an insult, please use the correct ones.”

Virgil snickered. “I still don’t want to go out in the sun.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you helped your brother duct tape Roman to wall. It’s a two man job, minimum.”

Virgil tutted and stayed on his phone for the rest of the ride home.

Janus smiled and sighed, wondering if his five champagne flutes worth of screwdrivers would fit in his water bottle. For some reason, he had a feeling he’d need it.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi, love!! First of all, I'm discovering wonderful fics I've never read because of people's questions in your Tumblr so... thank you so f****** much!!! Now, do you have a list or would you recommend me some fics where John is a doctor? Can be in Afghanistan, with Sarah, AUs of any time and type... But where John being a doctor is an important part of the fic or the principal one. Thank you, lovely!! By the way, I've been reading your comments about the John hate and I agree with you!! 😘😘

Hi Lovely!

Ahhhhh okay you’re in luck, because I was sorting a list of “sick fics” and one of the categories was “John Takes Care of Sherlock” so I can add those onto these other “doctor John” fics!  I don’t know if I have any where he is strictly a doctor, but let’s see what’s sorted in my bookmarks right now!

DOCTOR / CARETAKER JOHN

Whispers in the Dark by coloured_ink (G, 833 w. || Bed Sharing, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety, Caring John, Spooning, Little Spoon Sherlock) – Sherlock has anxiety attacks. Good thing John always knows what to do.

Static by Johnnlocked (Krullenbol2602) (G, 917 w. || Fluff, H/C, Doctor John, Headaches, POV Sherlock, Fluff, H.C, Pre-TSo3) – Sherlock suffers from a headache.

The Most Awful Thing by whitchry9 (K+, 1,072 w. || H/C, Holmes Brothers, Seizures) – When Mycroft witnesses Sherlock having a seizure, he is at a complete loss as to what he should do. Thankfully, John is there.

Cuddling by GraciousK (G, 1,107 w. || Fluff and Angst, Cuddling/Snuggling, Fluff, Hypothermia) – When John finally finds Sherlock, he’s hypothermic and delirious. John warms him up the only way Sherlock will allow: body heat. It ends up more angsty than sexy. Part 2 of 30-day OTP Challenge: Johnlock

Bringing Colour to the World by SD_Ryan (G, 1,168w. || Est. Relationship, Sickfic, Fluff, Schmoop) – In which we encounter a sick detective, a snuggle on the couch, and a silly fairytale.

Shut Up and Sleep by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,257 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Sherlock has a knack for hurting himself, although not entirely on purpose. John is a doctor, and it’s a good thing he’s there.

Mentality by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,350 w. || Friendship, Hurt / Comfort, THoB Fic, Doctor John) – It was weird. But Sherlock was having a panic attack. Re-write of the Hounds of the Baskerville scene. 

Lost Without My Army Doctor by ItsRealForUs (K, 1,499 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Migraines, Doctor John, Domestics) – Sherlock’s fighting a losing battle with his migraine when John comes home to help.

The Two of Us Against the World by slashscribe (T, 1,617 w. || Post-TAB, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Anxious Sherlock, Angsty Fluff) – John is there to take care of Sherlock as he comes down from his overdose in The Abominable Bride. Set immediately after the tarmac, back in 221B.

Conciliatory Coffee (It’s All Fine) by dget (K+, 1,635 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF Reunion) – "He can feel John’s shuddering breaths in his own lungs, feel John’s heart beating behind his own sternum.“ Because John Watson is a doctor, and Sherlock Holmes is a detective, and neither really knows how to be anything else. A post-Reichenbach reunion oneshot. Can be read as Johnlock.

The Doctor’s Capable Hands by Totally-Out-Of-It (K+, 2,012 w. || Sherlock Whump, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Anxious Sherlock) – Sherlock is injured during a chase. John sits watchful at his bedside in the hospital and wonders. He wouldn’t leave Sherlock alone like this. Especially not if Sherlock wanted him to stay.

This is Life in Colour by agent iz hyper (K+, 2,038 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sherlock Whump, Doctor John) – John thought with a flash of amusement that only Sherlock Holmes could look like he was about to pass out and still maintain his usual level of acerbic scorn. “You’re a git,” he told him mildly. “And an idiot,” he added as an afterthought, though no less pointedly.  A look into the perks of being both a doctor and a soldier when one is the friend of Sherlock Holmes.

Assurance by belovedmuerto (T, 2,382 w. || Bed-Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Idiots in Love) – It’s not so much the ‘you’re half-dead, you wanker,’ or even the broken ribs, the hairline fracture of the pelvis, the dislocated shoulder and knee, and the wrenched ankle.

Intensive Care by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,539 w. || Ace!Sherlock / Straight John Queerplatonic Relationship, Hurt Comfort, Angst, Cuddles and Snuggles, Hugs, Doctor!John, Medical Procedures) – In which John looks after Sherlock directly following the events of “Bless You and Keep You.” Sequel Fic. Part 15 of A Love with No Name

Green Carnation by glenien (T, 2,616 w. || Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Meta-Fic, Angst and Fluff, Communication, Post-TAB) – John takes Sherlock home. Part 1 of It’s No Longer Eighteen Ninety-Five

Someone Else’s Heart by thisprettywren (E, 4,188 w. || First Time, H/C, POV Sherlock, Caretaking John, Pining Idiots) – A crime scene, a rainstorm, and something they both should have known all along.

The Sum of His Parts by CommonNonsense (T, 4,311 w. || Body Worship, First Kiss / Time) – There are eleven major organ systems in the human body. Sherlock knows about all of them to some degree, but none fascinate him as much as the ones that make up John Watson.

Very Good Indeed by StillWaters1 (T, 4,531 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Doctor John, John Whump) – John Watson was a doctor, trained to observe details; a fact Sherlock had never been more aware of than when a drugged John’s lifesaving instructions were based on an unlabeled syringe and an unconscious murder suspect’s body.

This Time by Radon65 (T, 4,766 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) –  He has practically just finished talking to Lestrade when it happens. A sudden dizziness assaults his brain, things tip sideways, and he barely catches himself on the arm of the sofa to slow his descent before he collapses altogether to the floor.

A Case of Identity by PostcardsfromTheoryland (T, 4,978 w. ||  Post-TRF, John on Holiday, Pining Sherlock, Whump, Angst, Reunion) – All John wanted was to get away from London for a few weeks. No people pointing and whispering about Sherlock Holmes when he walked past, no reporters wanting an “exclusive” about the dead detective, just some rest and relaxation in the sunshine. Then again, these holiday trips never seem to go as planned.

Needles by Kryptaria (M, 5,194 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Needles, Referenced/Implied Drug Use, Doctor John) – At the end of January, 2010, John and Sherlock move to 221-B Baker Street. By mid-February, John takes up his role not only as Sherlock’s guardian and helper, but also his doctor. As the months pass, they grow closer and the trust between them deepens, until Sherlock puts it to the ultimate test.

I think You Need A Doctor by TheGoodDirector (M, 5,254 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sherlock Whump, Mistaken Couple, Humour, Platonics, Mary is Nice) – John’s not been to Baker Street in four months and returns to find a bleeding Consulting Detective. John can’t help but take care and put up with him. Set after The Sign of Three/Before His Last Vow.

Recovery by thesignsofserbia (T, 5,948 w. || HLV-Fix It / Rewrite, Villain Mary, Pining Sherlock, Major Character Injury, Scars, Self-Hatred, POV Sherlock, Doctor John, Friends to Lovers) – Set after the confrontation with Mary, and Sherlock’s cardiac arrest, John stays at 221B to aid Sherlock’s recovery, forcing them to confront wounds both old and new as they try to heal their damaged relationship.

The Death of Doubt by Gingerhermit (E, 6,584 w. || Alternate Canon, BAMF John, POV Sherlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Drama, Meddling Mycroft) – Mycroft asks for John’s help in rescuing Sherlock from his Serbian captors.

Survival Instinct by shirleyholmes (T, 7,162 w. || Post-TRF, First Kiss, Schmoop, Nightmares, Fluff & Angst, Grief, Idiots in Love) – After Sherlock’s “comeback” John starts obsessing with constantly making sure he’s alive (checking his heartbeat etc.)

The doctor is in by PlainJane (E, 7,581 w. || Omegaverse || Sex Therapist, Anal, Hand Jobs, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock is a young alpha with an aversion to his cycle. John is a gender medicine specialist. Nothing could possibly go wrong… Part 1 of Doctors and detectives

I’m Pretty Sure This Changes Shit by cwb (E, 7,672 w. || Fluff, Cudding, Doctor/Patient, Accidents) – Sherlock finds increasingly ridiculous ways to get John to patch him up after hurting himself.

The T-Shirt Thief by watsonsherlocksuniverse (T, 7,968 w. || Pining Sherlock, Doctor John, First Kiss, Canon Fix-It, Developing Rel., Mutual Pining) – Sherlock steals John’s t-shirt from the laundry. John catches him wearing it one evening, fluff ensues with an endeared yet teasing John?

You’re a Doctor, Fix me by edken (G, 8,342 w. || Fluff / Cuddling) – Sherlock doesn’t do anything halfway, and that includes getting sick. John nurses a very sick flatmate back to health using cuddles, forehead kisses, and a massage. Humor and fluff promised this time, but also some character analysis because who doesn’t love that?

Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8,465 w. || Jealous Sherlock, First Time, RST, Idiots in Love, Frottage) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock’s, and Sherlock can’t figure out why he’s so incensed about it.

Incapacitation by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 9,424 w. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Sick Sherlock, Doctor John, Appendicitis) – The doctor had just asked how bad the pain was when the pain spiked. Sherlock’s initial response was a gasp that evolved into a whimper. “Ten,” he gasped. “Ten…”

Someone I Love by hudders-and-hiddles (M, 10,002 w. || Canon Compliant, HLV-Filler Fic, Pre-Slash, Jealous John, PIning Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, UST/URT, Dog Tags) – John gets married and Sherlock finds comfort in wearing John’s identity tags around his wrist.

The Thin Line by Odamaki (M, 10,809 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Confessions, First Times, Anal) – John swallows. Keeps his eyes on Sherlock. Begs him not to ruin him.Sherlock leans forward over the witness box ever-so slightly, “I was distracted,” he informs the court, “by my partner, John Watson.”

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (E, 15,590 w. || Victorian AU, Virgin / Demi Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mild H/C) – Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there.

Partners in Crime by Richefic (T, 16,560 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sick John, Meddling Mycroft, Caring Sherlock, Domestics) – John Watson receives some devastating news which puts a spanner in his medical ambitions. Will Sherlock prove capable of the kind of comfort and reassurance he needs or will their partnership be ended before its even begun? Set between 1.1 and 1.2.

I Will Take Care Of You by SailorChibi (T, 16,664 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick Sherlock, BAMF John, BAMF Lestrade, Reunion Fic) – Two years after Sherlock’s death, John comes to find him on the sofa. Wounded and ill, Sherlock is convinced he’s hallucinating and refuses to share any details about Moran or the fact that Mycroft has been compromised. That doesn’t stop John from stepping up and taking care of the last of Moriarty’s web, BAMF-style.

And A Doctor by StillWaters1 (T, 27,393 w. || Friendship, Doctor John, Whump, Soldier / Doctor Dichotomy, Five and One) – It was only when people actually saw John working as a physician that they began to understand: that it wasn’t just about bullets and IEDs and trauma care under fire. That “doctor” actually covered a pretty wide field. And that John was bloody good at covering ground. 5 times Dr. Watson treated others and 1 time he treated himself.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w. || Casefic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

Electric Pink Hand Grenade by BeautifulFiction (E, 67,718 w. | First Time, First Kiss, Headaches and Migranes) – If Sherlock’s brain is a hard drive, then these attacks are an electro-magnetic pulse.“ Sherlock Holmes does not do anything by half, not even a migraine. It falls to John to witness one of the greatest minds he has ever known tear itself apart, and he must do his best to help Sherlock pick up the pieces.

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary’s betrayal and Sherlock’s deceptions.

To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w. || Post-TGG, H/C, Case Fic, First Time/Kiss, Drug Addiction) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

MARKED FOR LATER

These fics are just a few I remembered I put into my MFL list recently, and I haven’t read them yet, so read at your own discretion!

A Home for Us by sussexbound (NR, 3,440 w. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

How They Move In Silence by Breath4Soul (M, 3,516+ w., WiP || Doctor John, Doctor/Patient, Voiceless Sherlock, Sick Sherlock, Texting) – Sherlock loses his voice and has to communicate through texts which leads to love confessions.

Recovery by mainegirlwrites (M, 26,935 w. || Injured Sherlock, Disfigured Sherlock, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, John Takes Care of Sherlock) – The great Sherlock Holmes is recovering from disfiguring injuries with the help of Dr. John Watson - but can a broken spirit be fixed?

You Go To My Head Series by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 257,765+ w. across 8 Stories, WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Doctor John / Doctor Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon).

[auroraphilealis]

A Familiar Kind of Love Chapter Eighteen

A Familiar Kind of Love

Genre: Chaptered, ace/aro (flux and other experiences including but not limited to queerplatonic relationships), self discovery, witches, slow burn, getting together (eventually and in a mixed romantic/platonic way), RP format

Warnings: inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

Word Count: 13,830 this chapter

Thank you to @vanillasolitude who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!

Updates: Monday & Wednesday & Friday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(Previous) (Masterlist) (AO3)

Chapter Eighteen

Phil slept on and off for what seemed like the rest of the day. He didn't stir much, unlike the night before when he had been a cat, unable to do more than cat nap from time to time. Occasionally, Phil would feel Dan nudge him awake and force Phil to do things for him like put something cold in his mouth, and he thought he remembered taking another potion that tasted like crap, but Dan never left his side. Phil could sense him using his magic for things, but he didn't move Phil or bother him too much in his sleep, just allowing Phil to rest instead.

Phil appreciated it more than he could say, snuffling against Dan but mostly happy where he was, just laying against his chest.

When he did finally wake up, more clear headed than before and finally feeling less horrible about the cat who'd bothered him in the early hours of the morning, Phil could see that the sun had gone down again. He yawned and stretched against Dan, nuzzled his chest a few times, and then sat up, body suddenly very restless. He was finally alert when he opened his eyes, and turned to find that Dan was apparently dozing himself, and looking particularly cute as he did so.

Phil smiled at him, and reached up with gentle fingers to press aside the bit of his fringe that was falling into his eyes. The motion was enough to rouse Dan, apparently, as he jolted awake with a loud cry of "What, what?" as if he wasn't sure if everything was okay. It made Phil giggle, and he ended up reaching for Dan's fingers and squeezing around them.

"Morning sleepy head," he teased, as if Dan had been the one to sleep all day.

Dan blinked, jolted awake before his time, and stared around the room in a slight panic. Was Phil okay? Had he moved? Dan must have dozed off without realising it as the day wore on, because he certainly felt as if he'd only just woken up. He glanced around in a slight panic until he caught sight of Phil sending him a mischievous grin, and then Dan settled back down again.

Phil was here, and he looked okay. Better than okay, actually. His eyes were brighter than before, and he was using actual sentences to speak to Dan, which was definitely an improvement. Maybe the potions Dan had forced down his throat were starting to work.

"Excuse you," Dan huffed, and reached out to ruffle Phil's hair up into spikes to retaliate. He sat up with a loud yawn, rubbing his eyes. It must be evening by now, because the sky outside the window was dark again. They'd properly messed up their sleeping schedules this time, but Dan couldn't even bring himself to care. Spending a day cuddled in bed with Phil was not a waste of a day in Dan's book.

He glanced back at Phil once his eyes were scrubbed, smiling a little and squeezing Phil's fingers back, glad that Phil had reached for him. "How are you feeling? Still whining like a spoiled child?" he teased with a smirk.

Phil ducked his head as Dan reached out and scrubbed up his hair, spiking it up a bit and making a mess of the sweaty locks - which reminded Phil of just how dirty and sweaty and sticky he currently felt. He shook his head as Dan pulled away, but he was grinning, staring down at Dan fondly and almost tempted to shove his own fingers through Dan's rumpled hair as well. He didn't, too invested in holding Dan's hand instead, and certain, since the world was still kind of spinning that if he attempted to reach out with his other hand, he'd surely go crashing down on top of Dan.

"I don't whine," Phil whined, and immediately blushed, giving in and letting go of Dan's warm fingers to swat at his chest playfully. He pouted as Dan laughed at him, and then just kind of... collapsed back on top of him, squashing Dan and uncaring when he let out an "ooph," now that he'd been forced to lay back on the bed. Phil made himself comfortable, shuffling about until his face was in the crook of Dan's neck, and then placed a kiss there.

"My head hurts," he complained. "Take care of me?" he requested, even as he knew Dan would do anything for him, even as he knew he was proving the other male right about his whiny spoilt-ness.

Dan huffed when he was unceremoniously pushed back down onto the bed and forced to resume his job as Phil-pillow, which he didn't remember signing up for, actually, but apparently had no choice in the matter now. He shook his head with a fond smile, and went back to carding his fingers through Phil's hair as Phil pushed his face as close into Dan's neck as he could.

"Of course I'll take care of you," Dan murmured in return, poking Phil's cheek gently. "I can't let the whiny child go without a responsible adult, now can I?" He chuckled when Phil whacked his chest again, though he supposed he deserved it. Still. It wasn't Dan's fault Phil was so cute and needy when he was sick.

"That'll be the fever, making your head hurt." Dan assessed him as best he could, pushing Phil's hair back to feel his forehead again. The fever was down a bit, he thought, but still raging much higher than it should be. He tutted. "Bed rest, I think, for a few more days. Have you been feeling dizzy at all?" He slipped his fingers back through Phil's hair, gently tangling the strands. The gesture wasn't even just to comfort Phil; Dan was growing to love the feeling of that soft, silky texture against his fingers.

It seemed their new thing was going to be Phil whacking Dan every time he decided to be a cheeky little shit, but Dan just laughed it off even as Phil pouted against his skin. He curled into Dan, soaking up his warmth, feeling suddenly very cold, and pushed his arms around Dan's mid section. He just wanted to cuddle, and hugging Dan was literally the best feeling in the world. The least Dan could do was stop making fun of him - and yet, Phil knew he didn't really want him to. His heart sang every time Dan teased him good naturedly, and something told him that was Dan's best way of showing affection. Phil could accept that just as easily as he was accepting Dan's arms winding around him in return.

"Leave me alone," he complained, tightening his arms around Dan so he couldn't tease Phil back by doing just that. Dan merely chuckled at the complaint, and continued on, threading his fingers through Phil's hair as he spoke and asked gentle questions.

"Dizzy," he agreed, closing his eyes. "But only when I sit up." That was why, in large part, Phil had decided to merely shove Dan back into the bed and resume using him as a pillow. And the fact that he was cold. "I want to take a shower," he complained. "Or a bath," he added, sniffing at himself and wrinkling his nose at the scent. He was covered in sweat. Was that why he felt so cold? He shivered, and then buried his face back into Dan's neck, pressing another soft kiss there just because he could.

"I refuse to stay in bed without you, though. So bed rest is implausible. Find another cure."

Dan chuckled again, but he was undeniably in love with the way Phil was so clingy like this. He kept pressing little kisses to Dan's neck, as well, which only led Dan's thoughts down the track of what if they kissed elsewhere, what if he got brave enough to ask Phil to try kissing on the lips? The more Dan thought about the idea, the more he was itching to try it, but not when Phil was still vulnerable. Dan didn't want to ruin anything else by diving straight into something without properly considering the issues that might come with it.

He was tired of screwing things up with Phil.

Phil, however, seemed adamant not to have any time without Dan, to which Dan simply grinned and kissed the top of his head. "Well, you are a bit smelly," he conceded with a wicked smirk, unable to resist teasing Phil when it got such cute reactions out of him. "I'll run you a bath, whenever you decide to get off me."

He pursed his lips when Phil argued against staying in bed, though, shaking his head firmly. "Doctor’s orders, I'm afraid. You've got to give your body a chance to recover. I could make you a stronger potion, but the taste gets even worse the stronger the dose." He winked at Phil, grinning. "Given how you reacted to the last one, I don't think you'd like that very much, hm?"

Except, honestly, Dan kind of loved the idea of spending the next few days in bed with Phil, holding him until he was properly recovered. His work could wait, right? PJ could handle it? ...Maybe?

"Daaaan," Phil whined, absolutely mortified as Dan agreed with him that he stank. It was one thing to be aware of the smell clinging to his skin, and an entirely different one to have his witch pointing it out to him. Mortified as he was, Phil shoved himself out of Dan's arms and onto the other side of Dan's bed - and right, he was in Dan's bed. That was a nice thought. Phil settled down into it with a little smile, and inhaled deeply the scent of Dan's sheets. He really liked being here with Dan, liked that Dan had accepted so much of him and had taken care of him all day.

As his mind cleared more and more though, he started to feel guilty for asking that Dan stick by his side until Phil had recovered as well. He knew Dan knew what he was doing, knew Dan wasn't trying to force him to remain bored and sickly in bed, but... but he also just didn't really want to not be with his witch.

He pouted some more and then sighed.

"I want the stronger potion," he decided primly. "And then I want the bath, and then - and then you have to leave me alone before you get sick too. I'm keeping you from your work. Or, at least, tomorrow I will be."

Phil's demands were all delivered with this prim little pout, and he looked so disgruntled about being sick in the first place that Dan couldn't resist leaning over to give him another kiss, this time on his forehead. He leaned back with a little grin. "Yes, Sir, whatever you say, Sir.” He rolled his eyes a bit, but he was still grinning. He really loved this side to Phil. It was vulnerable in a new way, in a way Dan knew he could deal with and poke fun at, and Phil wouldn't get offended.

Seeing as Phil had rolled off him now, Dan got up to his feet and held his hands out to Phil. "Come on then, let's get you a bath. Lean on me, though, you might be a bit wobbly," he warned, and steadied Phil the instant he tried to get upright, gripping tight onto both of Phil's arms to hold him firmly in place. "Slowly, go slowly. I don't want you falling over on me and cracking your head."

He walked Phil slowly over towards the door and headed for the bathroom, staying by his side and getting an arm around Phil's shoulders so that Phil could lean into his side.

Phil giggled as Dan called him “Sir”, staring up at him with big, wide eyes, and hoping that Dan would understand just how much Phil loved and appreciated him. He'd never been in a vulnerable position like this before, had never been made to need someone as much as he needed Dan, and it was both new, refreshing, and strange. He liked that he had someone to lean on now, though, especially when, now that he was in the human world, it seemed he was much more vulnerable to things than he'd been on his own. He'd never even known getting sick like this was possible, and now he never wanted to feel it again.

He was almost drunk on the strange sensation of walking while the world spun, but Dan helped Phil out of bed and then to the bathroom like it was no bother, like it was nothing new, and it probably wasn't considering Dan's profession, but Phil still appreciated it more than he could say.

"Don't worry about giving it to me, I'm resilient to most things. You can have more potion after you've washed and eaten, and then you're sleeping again." He pursed his lips. "We'll see how you are in the morning about work. I could just take the day off to look after you. It really isn't a chore." He grinned at Phil, depositing him carefully onto the edge of the bath before starting to run the water.

Once they were in the bathroom, Dan was helping Phil to settle down on the toilet lid while he got the bath water going, and Phil pouted as he spoke. He didn't mind taking a bath and eating before Dan would give him a higher dosage of the potion he'd been feeding to Phil, but he did mind the fact that Dan was considering taking a day off for him.

Of course it made his stomach feel all happy and fuzzy, and of course he knew he'd been the one to give Dan the idea in the first place, but that didn't change the fact that he felt bad about it.

"No," he complained. "I know it's not a chore. That's not the point. I can't take you from work because I'm clingy."

Dan pursed his lips, not too surprised when Phil disagreed with him. Still. It kind of hurt a little bit that Phil was saying he should stay away from him, even though it was to protect his work. Dan was an avid procrastinator at the best of times, so he kind of wanted to stay away from work whenever he could. Especially when he had Phil to care for.

"If I don't stay with you, I'll just be worrying about you all day," Dan argued, testing the water temperature with the back of his hands as he continued running the bath. "I can take days off if I need to. That's the good thing about being the boss, and PJ can handle things well enough on his own."

Phil bit his lip as Dan argued as to why he should be allowed to take the day off for Phil if he was still feeling sickly in the morning. It all sounded good, relaxed Phil and took away some of the guilt he felt at causing Dan any inconvenience, but it was still hard to agree with his witch that it would be okay for him to take time off from work. Mostly, Phil didn't want to be the cause, but he'd much rather have Dan with him than away, if he was being honest. He wasn't sure he would have slept as well as he had this afternoon if it hadn't been for Dan playing the part of his pillow.

"Okay. Fine. You can stay home tomorrow, but only if I'm too ill to function on my own." Phil had never even been ill before, so he really had no idea how he was going to feel come tomorrow. He just knew that today, he was unstable and felt like crap, his body covered in far too much sweat, and his head aching like someone was banging pots against the inside of his skull.

Satisfied that he’d gotten his way, Dan nodded once, and then went back to focusing on drawing a bath for Phil. Once the bath was full, Dan got to his feet and turned back to Phil, biting his lip. Part of him didn't want to leave Phil alone, not when he was unsteady on his feet or struggling with fever, but also, Dan thought that he might make Phil a bit uncomfortable if he stayed while he was getting into the bath. But still, he kind of didn't want to leave. He didn't even know for sure if Phil was going to be okay.

But they had the bond. That would be enough, wouldn't it? He'd know if Phil was having trouble, and then he could come back in.

"I'll leave you to wash," Dan mumbled, getting up to his feet. "You'll be alright?" He hovered, still uncertain about leaving Phil alone, but also really not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable.

Finally, the bath was ready, and Phil stood as he felt the turmoil start to feed through the bond. Earlier that morning Phil had wanted a bath as well, but he'd brushed it off with the fear that he couldn't do it alone, and the stray thoughts and worries about how it would be if he took the bath with Dan instead. He was still a little uncomfortable with the idea of Dan seeing him naked so early on, especially after he'd been harassed, and so he was relieved when Dan eventually settled on leaving Phil on his own.

Phil gave him a grateful grin, and nodded his head at his question.

"We have the bond. You'd know the instant I wasn't okay," Phil promised him, just as Dan had promised him that morning.

As soon as Dan had shut the door behind Phil, Phil was stripping out of his sweaty pajamas and climbing into the bath, the warm water feeling like bliss against his sticky skin.

**

While Phil was in the tub, Dan busied himself in the lounge, settling into the sofa with a good book rather than getting anything productive done, like washing up the dishes from earlier or remaking the bed. He was worried about Phil, yes, but he was also still exceptionally lazy. Besides, he rationed, if Phil needed help then it was far better Dan wasn't doing anything important that he couldn't leave immediately. So it was for the best that he was curled up with a book, really.

He managed to lose himself in the story for the length of time it took Phil in the bath, which was a good thing really because it meant he didn't spend every second worrying about whether or not Phil was coping by himself, or if he needed Dan in there but was just too scared or shy or embarrassed to ask. Dan understood that, really he did. He shuddered at the thought of Phil seeing him naked. But… there wasn't any pressure there. He hoped Phil knew that, that Dan would never take advantage or risk pushing something that neither of them wanted. Still, being naked was a new kind of vulnerable. It would be a hurdle to get over at some point.

They had the bond, though, Dan reminded himself. He'd know the second Phil was in any kind of trouble, because there were no shields up and he could feel the reminder that Phil existed buzzing away in the back of his skull, humming along in a constant reminder that Phil was alive and okay.

It felt like hours later when Phil finally felt warm and clean, body heavy and relaxed in the water, but the only problem was… well.

Dan, Phil whispered through the bond, a bit embarrassed and a lot shy.

Are you okay? came the panicked thought back. Phil grinned, feeling warmth blossom in his stomach.

Yes. I just... need help climbing back out of the bath. Uhm. If that's okay.

Phil's limbs felt too heavy to lift them, as he'd already tried, and while he was still anxious about Dan seeing him naked again, he was also feeling better - about everything. The long soak had left his limbs feeling warm and new, and his skin didn't have the same painful prickling sensation that it had gotten earlier that day after Heric had come onto him. He thought he might be okay, now, if Dan was willing to just help him climb out of the water and slippery tub.

The call for him came when Dan was just finishing the chapter, but he put the book away straight away and jumped up to his feet, heading towards the bathroom without question. He hesitated just outside the door, though, figuring that Phil must still be in the bath if he needed help getting out of it. Maybe that hurdle about the nakedness was coming sooner than Dan had anticipated.

Phil needed him, though, and Dan was determined to get over any awkwardness in order to keep Phil safe. So he hovered outside the door for just long enough to say into the bond, I'm coming in now. I promise I won't look...anywhere you don't want me to. He could feel that Phil was a little bit worried about this, so soothed him with gentle thoughts as he twisted the door handle and entered the room.

Dan made absolutely sure to keep his eyes on Phil's face and no lower as he approached slowly. He'd already determined not to make this awkward at all, and as such, he was going to treat this just like any other time he'd helped Phil through his illness. He'd do anything to make sure Phil was comfortable. "You said you needed help getting out?" Dan asked, proud when his voice didn't crack at all.

He balked just a bit when he realised this would involve him touching Phil's bare skin, but knew enough of where to draw the boundaries to be okay. He approached slowly, keeping his eyes on Phil's and not any lower, and offered his hands out, palm-up. "I won't touch you until you're ready. Just, take your time and then grab onto me, and I'll hold you steady while you step onto the rug, okay? And - wait --" Dan paused for just long enough to fish out a fresh towel, having it ready over his arm. "You can wrap up in this straight away. Alright?"

Dan was always so kind to Phil. It made him wonder why he'd worried so much about Dan having to help him out of the bathtub in the first place when already, before he'd even started to help, he was reassuring Phil and figuring out a way to do this so that it would be the least awkward for both of them, promising not to look anywhere that humankind deemed inappropriate and which made Phil nervous, especially after this morning. He didn't even much like the strange thing between his legs. He had one as a cat, but... not quite like this. It was strange, and uncomfortable, and weird, when he knew what humans often did with it.

The sight of the towel so close at hand helped to reassure Phil, and he took both of Dan's hands carefully in his, eyes locked on the warm brown of his witch’s, and allowed Dan to help pull him to his feet. He groaned at the sensation of his sore, sad muscles pulling, and he knew he wasn't much help, but Dan was strong enough to get him to his feet, gaze never once wavering from Phil's. Still, a blush spread across Phil's features as he realised just how exposed he was, and he did his best not to look away, needing the comfort of Dan's eyes on his.

"I've got you," Dan murmured. "Step over the ledge. I promise I'm not looking."

And he wasn't. He wasn't looking anywhere but at Phil's eyes, his hands secure in Phil's, and his words soft and comforting. Phil could feel him pushing soft, gentle thoughts at him, trying to reassure and comfort as best as he could, and, with shaking limbs, Phil managed to get his first foot out of the tub, and then the other. Instantly, Dan was letting go of his hands, reaching out instead to steady Phil by his shoulders while Phil snatched the towel and wrapped it around his body.

It was long. It started just under his armpits and descended down to his toes, covering every inch of him that mattered, and making him feel relaxed and safe. Once he was sure he had it secured, he looked back up at Dan to find that Dan was staring at something over his shoulder, gaze determined as he swallowed thickly.

Phil could feel his worry like a palpable force, and it made his heart warm.

"Okay. I'm decent," he teased, but even he could hear how quiet and unsure his own voice was.

Getting Phil out of the bathtub didn't take too long, which was good, though Dan was constantly assessing how unsteady he was on his feet to see whether the fever had worsened any. He'd be due another potion soon; in fact, Dan thought he'd just make a huge pot and leave it sitting in the fridge to administer to Phil whenever he needed it. Even though he'd demanded the stronger dose, Dan had no intention of letting him out of bed until he was fully recovered.

With his hands on Phil's shoulder, Dan kept staring over his shoulder at a fixed point on the wall, determined not to look. It wasn't just to make Phil comfortable, either - Dan didn't actually want to look. He'd always found it just… awkward when people were naked, and he avoided the sight of human flesh whenever he could. He'd fast forward TV shows that had too many of those scenes, so it was for his benefit as well as Phil's that he wasn't looking.

Only when Phil reassured him he was decent did Dan risk looking back at him, though he didn't stop holding his shoulders. Phil still looked a bit unsteady and flushed under the towel. Dan smiled at him, trying to reassure because he could still hear the slight tremor in Phil's voice that told him he wasn't fully comfortable yet.

"Okay, so now you don't smell, you need a potion," Dan nodded, "But first--" he wound his arms around Phil's shoulders and tugged him close, pulling him into a gentle hug. With the towel there he felt safe enough, but pulled back after a moment, not wanting to freak Phil out. He took Phil's hand in his and gently led him over to the door. "You can borrow a jumper of mine for now. We'll have to take you clothes shopping soon."

It came as a surprise when Dan pulled Phil in for a brief hug, and he didn't even have a chance to decide if he felt safe enough to hug him back before Dan was pulling away again. It was both a relief and a disappointment to find that Dan's arms were no longer around him, and Phil stared at him longingly but with confusion brewing in his heart.

Dan's fingers were around in his seconds, and he led Phil from the bathroom carefully, with Phil having to reach out and steady himself on the door jamb before Dan thought to wrap his arm around Phil's waist. One look at Dan's face told Phil that he hadn't neglected to think of it, but hadn't wanted to make Phil uncomfortable, and he relaxed completely against Dan, eyes flicking to his lips and the small frown there. He wondered what it would feel like to press his lips to Dan's, wondered if it would be nice, or weird.

He'd seen that kissing could be a prelude to passion, but... but they'd kissed before, and kisses to a person's neck were just as intimate as kissing on the lips. Surely it could be okay? Phil bit his lip. It felt like something that could be good, that could make Phil feel like... feel safe with Dan.

He didn't know what he was thinking. He wished he could ask Dan about it, but the other male already had enough to worry about with Phil being sick and weak as he was.

"I've never felt like this before," he murmured as Dan lead him back to his bedroom and settled Phil down before moving to find Phil a spare change of clothes to get into.

Dan was oblivious to Phil's thoughts for the moment, not noticing that Phil's eyes may have lingered on his lips for a little too long. He was too concerned with getting Phil settled somewhere safe while he found him some clothes, and then he'd feel comfortable enough to properly cuddle him again.

Something tore at his chest at his little murmur from Phil, and he spun away from his drawer for a moment, meeting Phil's sad gaze. He supposed it wasn't any wonder, not really. Still, Dan was curious. "Do familiars have illnesses?" he asked, turning back to his wardrobe and pulling out some loose trousers and a giant, fluffy jumper that Phil could curl up in. "Sadly, it's not uncommon for humans. I mean, it would put me out of a job, but I kind of wish there was a cure for them all. You're going to feel a bit rough for a few days, I'm afraid, but it also gives you an excuse to laze around and demand cuddles, so."

Phil had only half meant that he'd never felt ill before, when he’d said that he’d never felt like this before. The other part of him had meant the strange craving he was having. It was strange and foreign and bordering on possibly too much. Phil didn't know how it would feel if he pressed his lips to Dan's, but he did know he was feeling the urge to do so, and he'd never felt something like this before. Even back home, he'd been uninterested in the kinds of affections the other familiars sometimes shared with each other, so this was entirely new to him.

"Familiars don't have illnesses in their own world," Phil agreed quietly instead, not wanting to bring up what was on his mind right now, and understanding completely how Dan felt about being out of a job. He'd seen the horrible illnesses that could sometimes come upon the human world, and he'd never wanted to have to deal with those things himself, had always wished they didn’t exist. He'd been so happy and proud to know his witch was a healer, that Phil would get to learn how to help people instead of fearing the death of his witch from some horrible illness, and he could feel just how soft Dan’s heart was in the wish that illness was not so common.

It only made Phil want to kiss him more, and he didn't know how to feel about that.

"There are no viruses there. Maybe it's just a way to keep us safe until we find our witch. Some think it's a soulmate, meant to be kind of thing, but I've - I've seen the sad stories, too, and being unable to die in that world is not always such a positive thing," Phil explained softly, a little sadly, staring at Dan's back as he got out some clothes.

Dan considered what Phil had told him about familiars. It was interesting to think about how there was a society so close to their own world where illness didn't exist, full of creatures with wild magic and insanely strong bonds. Maybe they'd started to join with witches to keep everyone safe, so witches could learn stronger magic but the familiars didn't risk their own explosive magic. Illnesses and explosive magic probably didn't mix well, either, come to think of it. Dan recalled the storm clouds in his room from earlier and bit back a shudder.

Dan returned to Phil's side and pressed the clothes into his hands, biting his lip as he was met with another dilemma. He really didn't want to leave Phil alone when he was unsteady on his feet like this. "...How would you feel about changing behind the towel, if I held it up? I just don't want you to fall and hurt yourself," he explained all in a rush, suddenly desperate to make himself clear. "I don't want to look, or anything. I just… don't want you falling and cracking your head open if I'm not here to catch you."

Phil accepted the clothes from Dan quickly as he handed them to Phil, eager to get dressed again, and only paused in standing up when Dan looked at him and bit his lip, seeming unsure how he wanted to go about this. For one moment, Phil felt a thrill of fear that Dan was going to want to stay and watch, but then Dan was speaking up and rushing to explain to Phil how he just wanted to make sure that Phil didn't get hurt if he was left alone for too long.

Phil trusted Dan more than he trusted anyone in the world, so slowly, he nodded his head. "Okay," he agreed quietly, his voice shaking. "Uhm. Can you close your eyes for a second?" he asked, waiting for Dan to do so before he was unwrapping himself and gently pushing the towel into Dan's hands.

Instantly, Dan was lifting the towel in front of his face, spreading it out so he couldn't see Phil even if he wanted too, and Phil stood there, buck naked, just... wishing he could see Dan's eyes for that little bit of needed comfort.

He didn't want Dan to see him naked, no. He didn't like the thought of that at all, but he wanted Dan to see him, to look at him and reassure Phil that Phil wasn't... unwanted because of this. Sighing softly, Phil moved with shaking limbs to get changed, exhausted and sore all over.

Conversationally, he asked, "How do I avoid getting sick again?"

Dan hid behind the towel quickly, feeling his face beginning to flush despite himself. Being so close to a naked Phil was having a weird effect on him - not because he wanted to do anything, but because it showed a kind of trust and intimacy that he'd never had with anyone before. He didn't count his patients, because that was clinical, but caring for Phil was more than that. He actually wanted to make him feel better.

"There's not really much you can do to avoid it," Dan explained ruefully. "I can make something that should build up your resistance a bit, but basically, people can carry illnesses around and you wouldn't even know it." He could feel Phil's tension and upset, and sent calming thoughts through the bond. Just because he couldn't see Phil right then didn't mean Dan wasn't still right there for him. "You'll be alright though," Dan promised him quietly.

Phil pouted as Dan informed him that there was no real way for him to avoid getting sick, other than taking potions that would help him with his immunity to it all. He already knew he was going to jump on that possibility the second Dan was willing to brew those potions up, but he was still disappointed that he was always going have to deal with things like these - things that made him feel miserable and sore all over. The thought of it at all made him crave Dan's touch, but he wasn't changed yet, and he didn't want to make either of them uncomfortable. Dan was there with his soothing thoughts and emotions, though, and that helped until Phil had finished getting changed, letting Dan know in the hopes that he'd get cuddles now.

As soon as Phil said that he was changed, Dan dropped the towel and smiled warmly when he saw Phil standing there in a giant jumper looking very sorry for himself. He was just so cute that Dan couldn't resist reaching out to pull him into another hug, resting his chin on Phil's shoulder and pulling him close. He had the weird urge to be close to Phil again, touching him as much as possible, maybe out of some weird need to keep him safe from whatever illness was making him so miserable.

Phil did get cuddles then. Dan smiled warmly at him before dragging Phil into his arms and resting his chin on Phil's shoulder. Phil swallowed thickly as he wrapped his own arms around Dan's waist, fingers fitting just at the dip in his hip bones. He couldn't stop thinking about Dan's mouth and how much he wanted to kiss him there, though, and being so close to him wasn’t helping. There was a nervous thrum under Phil’s skin that made him feel like he was aching for that kind of intimacy, and it should have been terrifying, but it really wasn’t. The only terror came from Phil not knowing what Dan would think of the whole idea.

"How contagious am I?" he wondering, biting his lip, not wanting Dan to wonder about his silence and ask what he was thinking.

What if he just did it, and if he just kissed Dan, just like that? Could he do that? Or would that be considered rude? And if he was very contagious, wouldn't kissing Dan there threaten to give Dan the illness too?

"You're probably a bit contagious," Dan answered, though he didn't pull back from Phil even an inch, instead opting to speak into his shoulder. He had his arms around Phil, and Phil had his arms around Dan, and Dan really wasn't going to do anything to change that situation until he absolutely had to. "You don't have to worry about me, though. We've been eating the same food and sharing the same space, if I was going to catch it then I would have by now."

He rested his head on Phil's shoulder, pressing a small kiss to the crook of his neck just because it was there and he could. He could still feel that Phil was miserable and sore and probably tired from standing up so much, especially when he hadn't been sick like this before. He must be feeling really miserable. Dan wished he could just take it away, but other than giving Phil potions and lots of physical affection, there was really very little he could do.

Phil didn't understand illnesses. He'd seen a lot of it, knew from watching the human world for the first twenty-odd years of his life that not all of it was deadly and in fact many viruses were incredibly common and normal, but he still didn't understand them. Whatever he had, and he would eventually make Dan explain it to him, Dan apparently felt comfortable enough with that he didn't think he'd get it, and if he did, wouldn't mind it nearly as much as Phil currently did. He supposed, if he was right about this being a common thing, that this was a better thing to have than some of the other horrendous illnesses he'd sometimes seen while watching the world pass by below him.

Time passed so much differently in the human world than it did in his own. Phil was glad for that. He wanted to savor every second he had with Dan.

And part of savouring that was getting to have all the good things. Right now, Phil really wanted to kiss Dan. The urge was almost desperate and needy. He craved that intimacy, to the point where when Dan started to try and move him back out to the sofa so they could sit together and hopefully cuddle some more, he couldn't help staring at Dan's lips instead. His heart was racing in his chest, something warm and hot spreading out from it - nervous. It just felt... like something he needed. Something important. Kisses on each others skin, casual touching, it was all good and well, but Phil wanted more. Just a little more.

Would he even like it?

"Come here," Dan murmured, moving back to take Phil over to the sofa so they could sit. He got stuck on the way, though, because he made the mistake of looking into Phil's eyes, and Phil was staring straight at his lips. Dan swallowed, suddenly reminded of the urge to kiss Phil properly. It would be so easy to lean close and press their mouths together, but he didn't even think Phil knew about that. Phil would surely freak out again, wouldn't he?

But what if Dan brought it up?

Swallowing again, Dan moved a bit closer, unable to help himself. He was so close, his face mere inches away from Phil's by now. Dan drew in a slow, careful breath, and asked a little hoarsely, "Would you - um - how would you feel if I wanted to try something?"

Before he knew it, Dan was standing so close to his face that Phil went a little cross-eyed, huffing out a surprised breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. His fingers were shaking, and Dan was staring at Phil's lips as well.

Phil's eyes flickered back to Dan's as he spoke.

"Good," Phil mumbled back. I'd feel good.

His eyes fluttered shut the way he'd seen happen in the movies, and he waited, unsure what to do with his trembling fingers and the anxiety brewing in his stomach, but certain, certain Dan was going to kiss him the way he wanted.

Dan froze, stock still, for half-a-second. He was a bit surprised by how Phil had gone pliant, how he'd closed his eyes and all but given Dan permission without even knowing what Dan was going to do. But, was that really true? They were close enough, similar enough, that there was a very good chance that Phil was on the same page as Dan, especially with how he'd been acting. He hadn't moved back from Dan, either, even though they were closer than they'd ever been.

Dan could take this opportunity. He'd never done this before, sure, didn't even know if he'd like it, but the urge was right there and Phil seemed agreeable to trying, at least. He could do it. Just a quick peck, just to test the waters. It didn't have to lead to anything more, and then he'd have satisfied his curiosity and could move on with life as normal.

Just once. He could try it just this once.

Nervous, Dan drew in another breath, then carefully took Phil's head between both his hands. He'd never done this before, no, but the movements were mostly instinctual as he closed the last bit of distance between them and pressed his lips to Phil's.

Phil's heart lurched in his chest the second Dan's hands touched his cheeks, cradling him there, soft and warm and everything he'd ever needed in his life. He hadn't realised just how insecure he'd been feeling about everything that had happened that morning until Dan was touching him in a way that Phil had never thought he would. It was one thing for Dan to still want to pet over his skin, reassure Phil that he still loved him despite the other cat having touched Phil in ways he didn't want to be touched, but to have Dan very intimately cradling his face like Phil was still the most precious and important thing to him meant the world.

He hiccupped on a little sad, choked up sound that he couldn't even explain, and just waited, desperate for Dan to kiss him. He wanted to be kissed, wanted to be shown that Dan in no way blamed or hated him for what had happened that morning. He didn't know why this mattered to him, but... but it was like Dan was showing him that Phil was still his.

Their lips touched, and it was like a fire had been lit between the two of them. Phil's heart went crazy, his breathing catching as their lips touched tentatively, and then a little more firmly, until Dan was tilting his head and kind of just... gently taking Phil's bottom lip between his own. It made Phil melt, absolutely melt against Dan, and he never wanted it to stop. He could feel this happy buzz under his skin, and his heart felt like it was soaring, he felt so close to Dan. When Dan pulled away, he nearly protested, chasing Dan's lips only for Dan to meet him halfway, silencing the tiny little whine Phil had let out. He kissed Phil again and again, nuzzling his lips against Phil's softly, sweetly, before trapping Phil's bottom lip between his again and sucking lightly, so lightly, in a motion that Phil mimicked the best he could.

Dan's eyes fell closed naturally, and before he knew it, he was pressing himself so close that he could feel Phil's heart beating through his chest. He'd been aiming for just a peck, but as soon as his mouth met Phil's, it was like he couldn't get enough. He drew back once, but straight away went back in, feeling Phil melt a bit against him. Dan completely lost himself to the moment, his movements slow and sweet and just as gentle as he'd always wished to be.

Their chests touched, and Phil could feel Dan's heart beat. It made him grin, giggle a little against Dan's lips, to feel his heart was racing as well, and he reached up to very lightly press the palms of his hands against Dan's chest. This felt like a moment he didn't want to break, and he found his body leaning into Dan's that little bit more, until Dan's fingers were tracing gentle lines against his cheeks.

It was good. It was better than Phil had anticipated, soft and sweet and good in every way. He thought he could get used to it, could enjoy having it happen more often, but something told him it wasn't something he'd always crave. It was special, something to hold onto on good days, and today was one of those days.

When they finally pulled away, Phil's face was red and his lips curved up in a soft smile. His eyes caught Dan's easily enough, and he nearly melted all over again at the softness contained there.

Phil didn't know what to say, so he dropped his head into the crook of Dan's neck, and just breathed their lightly, mouth still tingling from where Dan had kissed him.

Dan, weirdly, had the urge to laugh. Well, not laugh exactly, more like let out a little giggle that encompassed so much of his happiness and confusion and affection for Phil just then. So he did, giggling just a little, and moved his arms to wrap firmly around Phil's shoulders, holding him against him. Phil's head was resting in the crook of Dan's neck, and Dan laid his cheek on top of Phil's head, resting in his hair. He relished in the feeling of having Phil in his arms.

They'd done it. They'd kissed. And it was… good. Good in a way that Dan hadn't been expecting. He really had been just intending a quick peck, only then Phil had kissed him back and Dan had sort of melted into it. It was easy to be guided by Phil's movements, to hold him and nuzzle into him because it felt right. The answering burst of warmth that spread across Dan's chest told him that he had definitely enjoyed the kiss.

Dan savoured the moment, holding Phil tight against him. He never thought he'd want this, never thought he'd even have the opportunity to try. Now he'd had a go, though, Dan thought he could quite like kissing. At least some of the time, anyway.

More than that, though, Dan was definitely a fan of cuddling. He loved the way Phil was pressed against him just then, close enough that he could feel both their hearts beating. Having Phil standing in his clothes and in his arms was… actually really nice in a way Dan hadn't been expecting.

"Come here," Dan murmured, and this time managed to successfully manoeuvre them both until they were settled on the sofa in the lounge. He'd not wanted to go to the bed, not quite happy with what that could imply - they'd gone far enough, and Dan was absolutely certain he'd never want to go any further.

As soon as they were settled on the sofa, though, Dan had his arm around Phil's shoulder and was firmly tugging until he managed to get Phil pressed against his chest. He held him there, leaning in to press another kiss to the top of Phil's head, and murmured, "Was that okay? I feel like we should talk about that."

If Phil had been a cat, he'd be purring right then and there. He felt so good and like his insides had been lit on fire in the best way, and Dan's arms were around him, his head pressed right to the top of Phil's. Surely nothing in life could be better than this moment right here, where Dan was holding him and comforting him and reassuring him that everything was okay. That Phil was his, and that nothing could ever change that. He sighed, melting against Dan, happy that they could touch so fully like this and be okay, and wasn't even distressed by Dan speaking up just to tell Phil to come with him.

He moved easily, pliant in Dan's arms, climbing onto the sofa and leaning into Dan the moment he reached out for him. By the time they'd gotten settled, Phil was pressed into Dan's chest again, and it felt amazing. His body was sprawled out feline-like with Dan holding him tightly, pressing soft kisses to his head.

"More than okay," Phil agreed in a small rumble, sighing and smiling happily. He'd never had something like that, hadn't known if he would like it, and now he was certain that he did. That he could enjoy something a lot more special than anything else they'd done so far. Glancing up at Dan's worried face, Phil leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, too nervous to try chastely kissing Dan on the lips again. "We can talk about it," he agreed. "Are you okay? Was it okay with you? I... I liked it. A lot. I don't know if I always will, but..." Phil trailed off, pressing his face into Dan's chest again for comfort.

Dan relaxed at the reassurance that Phil was happy, that he had liked to be kissed, and Dan hadn't inadvertently made him uncomfortable. He tightened his grip, cradling Phil against him as Phil pressed his face into his chest, and laughed a bit at Phil's own questions in return. "Oh, no, I definitely liked it," Dan assured him, chest rumbling with warmth and laughter and happiness.

He'd never felt like this before. He never thought he would feel like this. Right now, this was… wonderful, in a homey, contented sort of way.

"I was more worried about you," Dan explained, nudging his face gently against Phil's hair, breathing him in. "After that horrible cat last night, and with how sick you are… I didn't want to take advantage. Honestly, I've been thinking about kissing you all day." Dan's face screwed up a bit at that confession. "I wasn't even sure you knew what it was. But I'm really glad you liked it, I think… I think that's something we can do more often, if not all the time."

It made Phil smile instantly to know how worried Dan had been for him. The best feeling was knowing that Dan would never do something that Phil didn't want, that he'd always look out for him and tread carefully when things were bad. Phil could understand how Dan would have been afraid of kissing Phil after this morning, and he pulled back from his arms to give him a reassuring smile.

"I think... I needed that, after this morning," Phil admitted. "I - I was scared you wouldn't want me, or like me anymore. I don't know, I was just. Scared. Even with all the comfort and the way you gave me what I needed. I couldn't stop thinking about you kissing me either, and I thought... I thought it could be good. It made me feel safe. Like I was yours." Phil hoped he'd explained that right, that Dan would understand and not worry anymore that he'd done something wrong.

He most definitely had not done something wrong, and Phil's lips still felt electric.

"It was special. It made me feel special. It made me feel loved," Phil murmured, and tucked his face into Dan's neck again, cuddling there. He liked the small space. It felt like home, and was somewhere he liked to put his face when he was a cat as well. It was the perfect little nook for Phil. He was bursting with affection for Dan.

"I know from your memories that it can often be a prelude to something more... and I was scared, but you promised I'd never have to do that, so I trusted it would be okay. And it was." Phil pulled back again, restless as he was, to grin at Dan and take his face in his hands. His fingers caressed Dan's cheeks the way Dan had caressed his earlier.

"I love you," he murmured. "It's something special, to have that. I want... I think I want that sometimes."

Having Phil hiding away in the crook of his neck was quickly becoming one of Dan's favourite things. This way, he could wrap himself completely around Phil and surround him in warmth, while getting the joy of having a warm, wriggling body pressed tight to his own. Dan closed his eyes and cradled Phil there, heart bursting with warmth that Phil had been thinking about it too, that he'd wanted to kiss him too. That made everything so much better.

When Phil leaned back, Dan grumbled a bit at losing his comfortable resting place, but then Phil was cupping his face carefully and reassuring Dan that he loved him. Dan smiled widely, dimples appearing, and reached up to wind his arms around Phil's back, drawing him closer.

"I love you too," he murmured, eyes bright and darting all over Phil's face. He'd never imagined he'd have this, that he'd be able to hold someone and love someone like this. "I like the sound of sometimes. Whenever we feel like it. I know what you mean. It felt like… I was yours, too."

Phil was relieved to hear that Dan understood exactly where Phil was coming from and how he felt. He'd been afraid that it was... weird to cling to the want to belong to Dan, was afraid that it would press too close to home for Dan and make him repulsed and awkward again. Phil would never mind when Dan was having a bad day, but the idea of Phil wanting to belong to Dan causing Dan anxiety broke Phil's heart, so this was good. This was great. This was... everything Phil had hoped for and more because Dan was reassuring Phil that they could have that reassurance anytime they felt they needed it.

"You are mine," Phil teased, and leaned in to very gently press his lips to Dan's again. This time, it was nothing more than lips pressing to lips, moving lightly against each other's for a second before Phil was pulling away again and pushing his hand through Dan's hair to card his fingers there. It felt nice, touching Dan like that, and Phil sighed as he moved to sprawl across Dan's chest and rest his head over his heart again.

"As nice as it feels to kiss you," Phil mumbled, "I do still feel like crap. Am I getting my bigger dose today?" he whined, his head still pounding and something sharp and kind of painful pricking at his throat.

Dan snickered a bit when Phil sprawled against him again just after they'd shared quite a special moment in Dan's opinion. Having Phil kiss him, initiating it himself the first time… now that was something special. Especially as it was more an affectionate peck than a deep kiss, the sweetness of that moment made Dan feel treasured and loved in a way that fully respected him.

He wrapped an arm around Phil and chuckled, pressing his face into the top of Phil's hair. "The fussiest patient ever, you are. Yes, I'll make you up that potion as soon as you let me move." He tightened his grip around Phil, though, wanting to keep him in place rather than head off to do something just then, even though Phil must be feeling terrible.

Phil made a pitiful whining noise when Dan teased him again, telling Phil that he was going to have to let Dan go if he wanted Dan to make him that potion. Unwilling to do so, Phil moaned a little about it, ecstatic when Dan didn't attempt to get up, but rather tightened his own hold around Phil to keep him in place. Phil nuzzled at his chest, glad he could do so, and happy for the distraction from his pounding head. He wondered if this was going to get worse, and had the terrible feeling that it would.

Dan swept the sweaty hair off Phil's forehead, feeling for his temperature again. He gave a quiet hum. "Yeah, you've still got a bit of a fever I'm afraid. Still dizzy and hot?" At Phil's miserable nod, Dan drew him in and nuzzled lightly at his head. "Don't worry. I give you full permission to be as needy as you like until this has gone away."

Dan's fingers were nice and relaxing and cold as he swept Phil's fringe from his eyes and instead pressed his hand to his forehead. It took Phil a moment to register that every time Dan did that, he was attempting to check Phil's temperature, checking if he was okay or not. It made Phil grin, and he closed his eyes as Dan touched him.

"You shouldn't give me permission," Phil whined. "I'll just drive you nuts." But Phil was secretly glad that Dan was going to allow him to be as needy as he wanted, and decided that, if Dan wasn't going to try and get up to make Phil's potion, Phil would just lay here and sleep instead.

He didn't actually expect to drift off, but his head did hurt, and no one could really blame him after all.

Dan chuckled. "You already drive me nuts, so really it can't hurt at all." He threaded his fingers soothingly through Phil's hair, savouring the feeling of just having him close again. Having someone pressed against him like this was a new and rather beautiful sensation, and it felt intimate in a warm, safe way - exactly what Dan craved.

He smiled when Phil nuzzled against him, apparently making himself quite comfortable and deciding not to move again. Dan didn't really mind acting as a Phil-pillow though. At least, not for now. The feelings of being trapped were much less when they were lying this way, with Phil in Dan's arms, and for the moment Dan was absolutely living for it. There wasn't much he'd want to trade this for.

Still, it did kind of suck that Phil was feeling so miserable. Dan could feel through the bond that he was truly uncomfortable and unused to the feeling of being sick, and Dan sighed. What kind of healer was he, if he couldn't even take care of his own familiar...

Wait. Dan was a healer. What kind of idiot was he?! There was more to his magic than just potion making, but he'd been so distracted by his new, weird urge to kiss Phil that he'd all but forgotten it. Dan berated himself internally as he stroked through Phil's hair again, gathering up his magic.

"I'm testing something - don't freak out," Dan whispered to Phil, trusting that his familiar would trust him. With no further explanation he opened up the bond, nudging delicately at it, and felt his way carefully into Phil's mind. When Dan was healing patients, he usually had to rely on them telling him where it hurt before he could centre his magic, but with Phil he could just use the bond to see for himself. It allowed him to be much more precise.

The illness seemed focused on Phil's head, where he felt fuzzy and miserable, though his bones and joints were aching as well. While Dan had yet to find a cure for a fever, there were things he could do to ease its passing. Gently, he nudged his magic over the sore bits, adding gentle comfort and draining away painful fluid or tiredness wherever he found it. He was careful not to use too much of his magic, though, having learned his lesson about exhausting himself.

When Dan drew away, he threaded his hands back through Phil's hair, the leftover resonants of his magic tingling under his skin. "How's that?" he asked gently. "Any better?"

Dan's voice was gentle against his ears, pressing against him and nudging Phil awake enough to take in what Dan was saying. Phil's heart skipped a beat for a moment, and he tensed, unsure, but he quickly found himself relaxing and humming against Dan, doing his best to inform him that Phil would trust him and wouldn't freak out.

Phil did trust him, after all, regardless of how terrifying the whole thing was, being half-asleep with a headache and no proper idea of what Dan was attempting to do.

Then the magic touched him, and Phil felt Dan pressing against his mind, asking for access to their bond in a more intimate way than normal, but nowhere near as close as he'd come the last two times he'd had to heal Phil. It was strange not to be pressed nearly soul to soul, but it was also good, and Phil relaxed further as he realised what Dan was trying to do, the cooling touch of his magic intertwining a bit with Phil's own warmer magic, and soothing over aches and pains in Phil's head.

It was wonderful. It was always a wonderful sensation when Dan healed him, touching parts of him that only Dan ever could or would be allowed to, and soothing over them like a cool massage.

Dan's magic was a beautiful thing as well. With their souls not quite touching, Phil could actually see it as more like an observer, from further away. It was blue and cooling, like Phil's eyes, whereas Phil could see his own twining with Dan's in a hot burst of red so dark it was nearly black. It reminded Phil of Dan in that way, and he liked the way the two colors looked when they collided in Phil's mind.

By the time Dan had pulled back, Phil could even feel that his nose was less... heavy feeling. He could breathe easier, and he hadn't even noticed before that there had been sinus pressure on top of everything else.

While Phil didn't feel amazing, he did feel good, and that was more than he could have asked for.

"Much," Phil murmured, letting out a gentle sigh. He was lying more on his back, now, practically between Dan's legs with his head lolling just under his chin. He looked up at Dan's gentle gaze, watched as his fingers threaded through his hair, and smiled softly. "Thank you."

Dan grinned, proud of himself when Phil admitted to feeling better. He was always pleased when his work as a healer paid off, but it meant something more when it was Phil he'd finally managed to do something good for. After all the damage he'd done at the start, it only seemed right that Dan made up for it now.

Looking at Phil now, sprawled between his legs with his head resting comfortably against Dan's neck, it was hard to imagine that Dan had almost rejected Phil back then. His life would seem so… empty without Phil in it now. Dan was getting used to there being two people in his flat.

He was also getting used to having Phil in his arms. He smiled when Phil looked straight up at him, and bent down to press another tiny, chaste kiss to Phil's lips. "No problem. You tell me when you feel bad again, alright?" he pressed another quick kiss to Phil's lips before leaning back, wrapping his arms around him and sighing happily. It felt… good, to be able to kiss Phil whenever he wanted.

Phil was humming in lieu of purring, the feeling bursting through him with a need to come out as Dan pressed two more soft, chaste kisses to his lips. That feeling was an incredible one, the most amazing sensation Phil had ever enjoyed, and he had no idea what to do with himself as Dan kept causing it over and over again. He just wanted to melt into the feeling, melt into Dan and never let go.

Which he technically could, and technically was doing as he lay sprawled out in Dan's lap, nestled between his legs, still feeling ill but nowhere near as ill as before. He wondered if what Dan had done would help his illness heal faster, or if it would just help the symptoms for the time being, but as Dan requested that he tell him when it hurt again, Phil nodded sleepily and peered up at Dan quietly.

Watching the light play across his features, and the way he looked when he was watching Phil, it was... something different, something special. There was a softness to Dan that Phil hadn't gotten to see nearly as much as he would have liked, and he felt special having that attention now.

They spent most of the day resting lazily like that, with Phil securely wrapped in Dan's arms. Dan, at some point, reached out to switch the TV on, making Phil grumble at having to be moved. Dan poked his nose and chuckled, but he'd promised to let Phil be as needy as he had to be for the rest of the day. Not that Dan was exactly complaining when he got to lie back and study Phil all day.

Dan had sent PJ a message earlier explaining that Phil was sick and he had to take the day off, and PJ had immediately replied saying that he'd take care of it. There was an undertone to his text that implied he expected Dan to take this time to iron out any more creases in his relationship with Phil, but as Dan held Phil in his arms, ran his fingers through his hair, and listened to his pleased humming, Dan would say that all creases were now smooth.

One of the most special things about Phil was how warm he was. With him pressed right up against his chest like this, Dan basically had his own personal radiator, and he couldn't be happier. Dan had a tendency to get cold, but having Phil around made that all but impossible.

After many hours curled up together that Dan really didn't want to leave, he stirred at the thought that he really should make that potion up for Phil. It was starting to get dark outside, and much as he loved watching old sitcoms with Phil and explaining which bits were realistic human culture and which bits weren't, he knew Phil would be feeling rough again soon and would want another potion.

So Dan gave a half-hearted push at Phil's shoulder, stretching out as much as he could. "Let me up? I'm going to make your potion. Also, my legs are asleep. You're heavy," he teased with a gentle smile, ruffling Phil's hair in affection.

Phil dozed on and off for the rest of the day. He felt really fuzzy anytime he was awake, but Dan was also always right there and ready to press delicate kisses all over Phil's head should he look like he needed it - and Phil made sure to look like he needed it as often as he could, because he loved the way it felt to have Dan pressing kisses all over his head, his fingers soft and warm against Phil's skin wherever he was touching - Phil's arms, his forehead, occasionally his sides.

It took a long time for Phil to register the fact that he'd slept through the night the previous day, and that Dan had called in sick without Phil's permission or knowledge at some point during one of Phil's naps, but he was too tired at that point to complain, much more interested in cuddling up to Dan and being as needy as he possibly could be.

It wasn't until much later that Dan finally nudged Phil to budge off of him, and he did so with a tired groan as he rolled over and shoved his face into the sofa cushions, waving Dan off as he teased Phil and reassured him that he was just going to leave and make the potion. Too tired to argue, let alone care, Phil just let him go, and sighed as his heavy eyelids slipped shut again and he was left to doze some more.

When he finally woke again, Dan was helping Phil into a sitting position with soft, murmured words of encouragement while he pressed something to Phil's lips, urging him to drink. The smell was pungent and disgusting, making Phil's stomach twist with distaste, to the point where he shook his head and refused it. Dan didn't give up easily, though, and through his muddled thoughts, Phil grew pliant and just did as he was told.

"... hungry? Feel bad again?" Dan was asking, but Phil's mind was too wrecked to really pay any attention, and he pitched forward and into Dan's arms instead of answering, nearly whining at the feeling of cold limbs wrapping back around him. The world was moving a lot, and Phil didn't like it, scrambling to catch hold of Dan's shirt and shove his face back into what he hoped was his neck.

An armful of a sick Phil was a heavy one, as it turned out, as well as an incredibly cute one. Dan chuckled softly, helping him back onto the sofa and staying close enough that Phil's head was buried in his neck. Dan used one hand to stroke softly through his hair, nuzzling into him, while his other wrapped tight around Phil's long body to keep him in place.

Phil was trembling a bit. He looked really miserable, too, and through the bond Dan was getting various senses of discomfort and misery. It tugged at Dan's chest to know Phil was suffering and he couldn't do anymore for it. Still. He could at least hold Phil against him, comfort him with touches and soft words.

Phil hadn't answered Dan if he was hungry with anything more than a whine, so Dan decided he could wait a while longer. Dan pressed a kiss to the top of his head and held him a while longer, murmuring, "Oh, Phil. It won't last forever, I promise." Figuring loud noises might not actually help his headache, though, Dan spoke through their bond instead, nudging gently against it. I've got you. Do you need to eat?

Phil was disgruntled. He'd thought he was feeling better, and now he'd crashed into a misery unlike any other he'd ever known. His throat hurt, his head was pounding, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything. Being asleep was better than being awake, but Dan's arms were around him and he was holding Phil so gently that Phil didn't really want to sleep. He wanted to focus on Dan's cool hands against him.

He startled a bit as Dan suddenly nudged at the bond, seeming to find that an easier way to communicate now than speaking verbally, and Phil made a small noise of contentment. Not hungry, he complained, pressing his nose into Dan's skin and inhaling deeply. Had he found his neck? Phil wasn't sure, but he kissed him anyway.

Shouldn't have stayed home, he complained, but clung tighter to Dan's shirt anyway. For as grumpy as he was, he didn't mind owning up to being needy at this point.

Dan's lips twitched. Despite Phil's apparent misery, he was still pretty good at clinging to Dan and kissing at his neck. The feeling there had a slight tremor running down Dan's spine, but it wasn't overwhelming or especially unpleasant, so Dan dealt with it in favour of keeping Phil curled up like this against him.

Phil's feline nature was never truly hidden. Even now, when he was most definitely a human, he was curling around Dan just like a cat seeking attention. Dan was more than happy to give it to him, shuffling back a bit against the cushions so he could hold Phil more securely against him.

If you're sure, Dan answered back, feeling the familiar thrum of intimacy at speaking like that, in the privacy of their bond. He could feel Phil's neediness as he clung to Dan, and Dan sighed softly, nuzzling against Phil's hair. Hey, I can call off sick whenever I want. Besides, I've got a patient up here to be caring for.

I'm sure, Phil managed. It was always easier to speak through the bond like this, less of a strain especially when he was tired, but today his mind just felt a little frazzled, and it didn't feel quite as easy. He hummed anyway, and nuzzled into Dan with a sleepy little yawn. Just don't want to ruin your day, Phil added gently, pressing his body into Dan's a little more tightly now that the world had stopped seeming to move, and Dan seemed a more solid mass.

He wondered if this was upsetting Dan, if having Phil all over him was maybe too much, but Dan hadn't complained so far, so Phil just let himself curl up against him the same way he would have done had he been in cat form. Part of him wondered if he'd be happier as a cat right then, and considered making the change.

Would it be averse if I changed forms? How would it affect the virus if I was a different host, he wondered. He couldn't just change forms every time he got sick, though. Dan had mentioned being largely immune from exposure over the years. Maybe Phil just needed to wait this one out.

Dan furrowed his brows, making a small noise of interest. He hadn't actually considered that before - that Phil might be able to change forms, and how that would affect the illness. He considered it, now, with his fingers absent-mindedly running through Phil's hair.

I don't honestly know, he answered after a few moment's thinking. Animals have different illnesses to humans. It may well be that it can't follow your biology into cat form - although you being a familiar might change that. Magic tends to confuse biology, or at least, familiar magic does. Dan's tone was warm, and he nosed affectionately at Phil's hair, cradling him in his arms. His thumb had found a sliver of skin showing beneath Phil's giant jumper, and he was rubbing it affectionately.

You should be able to try it without risk, Dan offered up. And I'll be right here to help if something goes wrong. If you'd be more comfortable as a cat, I see no reason why you can't at least try it. He kissed the top of Phil's head. And don't worry about my day. As if I'd complain when I get to have you in my arms.

Phil felt a shiver of warmth run up his spine as Dan's finger found a sliver of skin just under his jumper to play with. He mewled at the soft touch, and cuddled in deeper to Dan's arms. There was nothing he liked more than having Dan hold him like this, and he could feel Dan pressing his nose against his hair, which was also a nice feeling. Everything with Dan was just generally a nice feeling.

Phil knew Dan was right, though. Familiar magic was a strange thing, and it had already proven to have strange effects in the human world than it had had in his own world. It made him a little bit worried about changing forms, but he'd much rather be a cat right then, even if it didn't keep him feeling so miserable. He was too achy in this giant, lanky form, unsure what to do with himself and where to lay to keep himself from aching too much.

His fur would make him feel even more warm than he already did, though, and he wondered if it would be worth it to switch forms.

He smiled as Dan told him how much he liked having Phil in his arms, and nuzzled into him again, breathing out a laugh.

Shush, he teased, but he hoped Dan could feel all the warm feelings him saying that had given Phil.

He contemplated trying to change form again for a short while before finally deciding to just go ahead and go for it, relaxing against Dan in order to focus on his magic instead. It was becoming closer to instinctual to make the change now, and Phil could feel the rush of magic pouring over him, but the pain of change never came. Puzzled, Phil tried again, and then again, and then again, but nothing happened other than a sudden sharp pain in his head that made Phil moan and collapse against Dan.

Dan watched with concerned eyes as Phil evidently attempted to change form again. However, nothing happened, other than Dan feeling the strong bursts of magic that exploded through the bond sharply enough that he winced. Phil felt it too, it seemed, as he collapsed against Dan with a groan and instantly tried to bury his face back in Dan's neck.

Shh, shh, Dan whispered through the bond instantly, instinctively grabbing for Phil and cradling him against his chest. He threaded his fingers through Phil's hair, attempting to soothe the pain he could feel building there. He wished so desperately for Phil to be well, to be calm and no longer hurting. Remembering what had seemed to make Phil melt against him before, Dan ran a hand down to just push under Phil's jumper lightly, and kept his thumb stroking against the skin just above his hip. He didn't stray any further than that, not wanting to make Phil any more uncomfortable.

I've got you, it's alright, shh, Dan continued to murmur steadily into the bond, keeping up a stream of cool comfort from his own end. He could feel that Phil was uncomfortably hot, and too uncomfortable to think very clearly, but Dan could gather that he wasn't able to transform. Dan grimaced a bit, wishing he could make Phil comfortable. As it was, he lay back against the cushions and cradled Phil against his chest, gently running his fingers through Phil's hair.

So I'm guessing it didn't work, he added after a moment's calm silence. It's okay. Let the potion work, that was a strong draught. It's probably still making its way through your system.

Instantly, Dan was shushing him and holding him, rubbing his fingers against the small bit of skin he'd been petting earlier as well, and just generally being incredibly kind and sweet and comforting. Phil's head, though, was spinning, and it was nearly impossible to think straight past Dan's murmured reassurances. Those were enough to keep him sane for now, though, and he sunk into the sensation of Dan holding him and comforting him and showing Phil as much love as he could.

Didn't work, he agreed miserably, wishing more than anything now that he could be a cat snoozing away over Dan's heart, rather than an over-sized grown up with achy limbs and probably grossly sweaty skin. He wondered if he smelled again, and then pushed the thought away. He wanted to pull out of Dan's arms, but he didn't have the strength, and ended up just laying there instead, curled up against his witch and wishing he could get all better now.

He didn't notice it when he drifted off to sleep again, but when he finally did, it was because his body had began to react to the potion Dan had given him, and the pain was receding slowly but surely.

Dan kept holding Phil, soothing him with words and gestures and feelings pressed through their bond as best he could to keep him calm. There was still a lot of pain apparently wracking through Phil's body, and his head was hurting and it made Dan's heart ache. He checked Phil's forehead again to find the fever still there, and Dan sighed. If this went on any longer then he was going to have to consider making a different potion, or trying a different spell.

For now, Phil had seemed to drift into sleep. Dan petted at his hair, pursing his lips as he thought. He'd treated many fevers before, seen stronger ones than this, but never had they been someone as close to him as Phil was. It tugged at Dan's heart to see someone he loved suffering - and there was yet another reminder that Dan really did love Phil.

He paused, letting the emotion fill him, letting himself relax into it rather than running from it. He could learn to be happy that he had someone like Phil in his life - in fact, it was already hard to imagine what he'd been like before Phil. Dan knew he'd been alright on his own, happy even, but he hadn't known a happy like this could exist. It just came with some downsides, too - like suffering when Phil was suffering, like cursing himself for not being able to heal Phil straight away.

With Phil sleeping, Dan allowed himself to worry. He was rational, a healer, so he knew Phil didn't have anything serious, but still… it hurt to have Phil so pained. In fact, Dan's mind helpfully supplied him with everything that could possibly go wrong, with all the reasons Phil might be suffering, hidden symptoms he could have of something far more serious. Dan shook his irrational thoughts away, and held Phil tighter, determined to stay right here with Phil in his arms until Phil was well enough to hold him back again.

(Next)

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

A Famililar Kind of Love - Chapter 19

Genre: Chaptered, ace/aro (flux and other experiences including but not limited to queerplatonic relationships), self discovery, witches, slow burn, getting together (eventually and in a mixed romantic/platonic way), RP format

Warnings: inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

Word Count: 11,574 this chapter

Thank you to @vanillasolitude who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!

Updates: Monday & Wednesday & Friday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(Previous) (Masterlist) (AO3)

Chapter Nineteen

Phil must have slept for ages. By the time he was awake again, he was feeling marginally better - almost a hundred percent except for the fuzzy feeling to his mind that could have just as easily have been from all the sleeping he'd done - and the sun had gone down once again. At some point during the day, Dan seemed to have relocated them both to his bedroom, because Phil could feel the soft sheets next to him rather than the sofa cushions, and Dan was snoring along with him, lost to his own dreams. Smiling fondly, Phil nuzzled where he had his head resting on Dan's chest, and realised he'd been moved so he was more next to Dan than anything else, with his arm wrapped securely around his waist.

Sighing softly, Phil sat up and ruffled his hair a bit, happy when he found that he was able to function a little more on his own again. The ache from his limbs were gone, and he was even able to stand - for about three seconds before he was collapsing back to the bed with a head rush and a loud growl of his stomach. Cheeks turning pink, Phil turned to see if he'd woken Dan, and startled when he found the other male was sitting up with a sleep-drunk eyes and a worried furrow to his brow.

"Phiw?" he asked, sounding exhausted and concerned.

"Hi," Phil greeted, waving a little awkwardly. "Go back to bed. I'm fine."

Dan blinked, scrubbing sleepily at his eyes. "You are clearly not fine," he disagreed, because Dan was fairly sure he'd been sleeping curled up next to Phil until a crash woke him, and by the looks of things, the crash was from Phil falling over onto the bed. Probably by doing something stupid.

Dan narrowed his eyes, fixing Phil with a stern, if sleepy, stare. "Now, you weren't doing something foolhardy and silly like trying to stand up without me, were you? Because I forbade you from doing that. Or I meant to." He yawned, hiding it behind his fist. "If I forgot, then I forbid it now. No doing things without checking with me first."

So maybe Dan was a little bit overprotective. Still, he'd just woken up to a giant crash and a sheepish-looking Phil, he was allowed to be worried. At least Phil looked a little better, with a spark behind his eyes. He was also speaking out loud, which was an improvement. Dan waved his arms through another yawn, gesturing Phil closer. "C'mere, let me check you."

Dan looked so affronted by the fact that Phil had attempted to climb out of bed, and Phil couldn't keep himself from giggling at the way Dan sleepily told him he'd thought he'd forbidden Phil standing up without him, and that if he hadn't, he was forbidding it now. There was just something incredibly special about that, about Dan wanting to keep him safe, even when he was half-asleep and clearly unable to properly think clearly.

"Okay," Phil agreed easily enough, moving from where he'd collapsed on the bed to crawl back over and nearly into Dan's arms. He plopped down next to him instead, staring up at him with soft, trusting eyes, and waiting for Dan to check whatever he felt the need to check. His own eyes were feeling a little heavier now that he was properly waking up, the exhaustion from so much sleeping making him feel weighed down and heavy.

Dan gave a determined nod as soon as Phil was back in front of him again, reaching out with firm hands to grasp Phil's shoulders in case he got any ridiculous ideas about going off somewhere without Dan. Didn't Phil know that he wasn't allowed to do that when he was sick? Dan was worrying enough about him without him making things even more complicated by disappearing for random periods at a time.

Not that Phil had disappeared in a long while, now. Dan very much hoped to keep it that way.

He lifted one arm up from Phil's shoulder to check his forehead again, pulling his matted hair gently back until he could feel for his temperature. He gave a pleased hum. "Much better. You're almost back to normal human levels, I think. Are you still getting dizzy?" He started absent-mindedly running his fingers through Phil's hair, not even thinking about the movement. That was becoming an instinctual reaction - Phil was near him, so Dan was stroking fingers through his hair.

Dan's hands weren't freezing anymore, and Phil thought that must be a good sign. He was certain the reason Dan had felt so cold to him before had been because he was sick with fever, and not actually because Dan was freezing. Dan was actually usually quite warm, and it made Phil happy to know that he was getting better for real, and it wasn't just in his head. He hummed, flexing a little under Dan's hand on his shoulder, amused he seemed so intent on keeping Phil in place, and shook his head.

"Er. Actually, yes, but I think it's just because I got up too quickly," Phil corrected himself, humming again and closing his eyes as Dan ran his fingers through his hair softly. He liked that feeling, and he tilted his head into it as much as he could. "I was just hoping to get something from the kitchen. I thought you wouldn't mind if I helped myself to some more cereal," he explained, remembering how the other night, before all of this had happened, Dan had shown him how to eat cereal in a half asleep state.

That was the one thing Phil felt confident enough about getting for himself. He knew there was leftover soup, but he had no idea how to heat it up.

Dan pursed his lips, keeping his fingers threading through Phil's hair and his hand on his shoulder to hold him firmly in place. Even though Phil said he was fine, that didn't mean Dan was going to let him walk off on his own unsupervised. He was relieved he'd woken up before Phil went into the kitchen, actually. Nightmare images of his adorably clumsy familiar playing with kitchen knives flashed through Dan's head, and he shuddered.

"Well, if you're still dizzy, you shouldn't be going anywhere on your own," Dan decided, uncaring that he was being overprotective again. He kept his fingers scratching at Phil's hair, smiling when he leaned into the touch with a pleased hum. Even human, Phil still behaved very feline. Dan didn't mind - he liked petting Phil, given the chance.

Dan briefly contemplated forcing Phil to lie back down, largely because he was tired and wanted to sleep some more, but if Phil was hungry then he'd only be restless and then Phil didn't make a very good pillow. So, with a giant yawn, Dan swung his legs out of bed and released Phil, getting up to his feet. "C'mon, then. Just don't eat all my cereal, I love that stuff."

Phil leaned into Dan's touch gently, enjoying the gentle scratches as he hummed and considered Dan's words. He supposed it made sense that he shouldn't be moving around by himself in a situation where he could end up hurting himself if he wasn't careful, but he also had a feeling that Dan was just being incredibly overprotective of him, and how could he complain about that?

So when Dan decided to help Phil out of bed, he grinned and took the offer, even allowing Dan to wrap his arm around Phil's waist. They made their way slowly to the kitchen with Phil laying his head innocently against Dan's shoulder for a little bit of added comfort, and just because he could.

The minute they arrived, though, Phil was instantly reaching for Dan's cereal box, and popping it open to begin eating, leaning tiredly against the kitchen counter as he shoved a mouthful into his mouth. His eyes closed on a pleased hum, and it wasn't until he opened them again that he realised Dan was staring at him funny.

"What are you doing?"

Phil blinked slowly. "Eating cereal? I - I asked you what I should have for breakfast, and this is... this is what you showed me to do."

Dan arched a brow, watching with slight displeasure as Phil ate the cereal straight out of the box. He narrowed his eyes. Had he really taught Phil this way to eat it? Dan shouldn't have done that, he hated having people eating straight out of his box. Still, he did have a vague memory of Phil asking him for food one morning when Dan had basically been asleep. In his half-asleep state, Dan wouldn't put it past himself to just shove the box at Phil before crawling into bed.

That didn't mean he was happy about it now. Dan gave a firm shake of his head, narrowing his eyes at Phil, and instead turned to open up a cupboard and take out a bowl for Phil, closing the cupboard firmly behind him.

"We use this," Dan explained, setting the bowl down in front of Phil and huffing.

Phil blinked confused eyes at him.

"Like this." Dan rolled his eyes, taking the box back off Phil and ignoring the whining noise he made. Instead, he tipped the box upside down so a rain of chocolate flakes poured into the bowl. "And we add milk, usually. D'you want that?" He fished around in a drawer then, almost bumping it into Phil's hip, and gave his head a pat in apology. "Here. This is a spoon. We use it to eat with."

Phil blinked as Dan, appearing quite disgruntled over the fact that Phil was eating cereal this way, and pulled out a bowl before pouring the cereal into it, just coating the bottom and filling it up halfway. Phil whined at having it taken away from him, not understanding what was wrong with how he was doing it if Dan had showed him to do that, and if it tasted so good, but he tried not to argue too much as he watched.

Dan shuffled about then, and when he opened the drawer next to Phil, bumped his hip. Phil grinned when Dan's first reaction was to reach up and pat Phil on the head in apology. It was a cute motion, and Phil nearly melted at how soft it made Dan, grinning as Dan then handed him a spoon and showed him how you scooped at the cereal that way.

"I'll try it with milk," he decided skeptically, pursing his lips. "But why can't I eat it like I was? What's the point of the bowl if I don't like the milk? It's just an unnecessary extra dish, isn't it?" he wondered.

Dan gave a disgruntled shudder as he went to the fridge. Despite his apparent annoyance, Dan couldn't really help but think that Phil was adorable when he was trying to understand human culture. Cuteness was an inherent part of Phil already, but now it was just exaggerated as he stared at Dan with a confused frown.

"We use milk to make it more substantial, trust me," Dan promised as he opened the fridge and hunted through his scant supplies (feeding himself wasn't always Dan's top priority when he got sucked into work, and he hadn't had a chance to shop in a long while). There was some milk, though, which he fetched and poured liberally into the bowl.

He chuckled when Phil just looked even more confused, and handed it to him, watching as he poked at it with the spoon. "Don't be afraid, just go for it. Trust me, it's still good." He leaned against the counter, eyes sleepy but amused as he watched Phil. "This way is considered more polite. Eating with your hands - that can spread germs and stuff, especially when you've been sick.

Immediately, Phil flushed in concerned embarrassment. The last thing he'd meant to do was spread his germs or do something that was considered impolite. Still, he couldn't help thinking back on Dan's dream-like state when he'd told Phil how to eat cereal just the night prior, and frowned.

"But you said," he whined, and pushed the memory through the bond at Dan, of how Dan had kind of snort-snored at him, grumbling that Phil had woken him  up before shoving a memory at Phil that assured him of exactly what to eat and how to do it. It just wasn't fair that Dan was teaching him one thing, and then correcting it later, and he wanted to make a point of that now.

Dan's face flashed a horrified white for a second, and he moaned horribly into the palms of his hands while Phil watched on, a smile quirking at the edges of his lips. He couldn't help thinking of Dan as cute like that, though he quite literally could not figure out why Dan was reacting in that way.

Instead of poking at him further, Phil turned to the strange concoction Dan had handed to him in the bowl, and, after poking at the now wet bits of cereal, scooped up a spoonful of the surgery bits with milk as well before popping it into his mouth. He was surprised to find that it was good, and grinned, chewing happily and flashing Dan another smile. "'’S good," he mumbled around his mouthful, shoving another spoonful into his mouth almost immediately. This was admittedly much better than the dry cereal he had had before hand.

Dan groaned in shameful embarrassment, pressing his face into his hands to hide his reddening cheeks. He recognised the memory Phil shoved through their bond - of course he did - but it was an embarrassing one.

See, sometimes Dan needed a little comfort food. And sometimes this happened very late at night, when he'd forgotten to go to bed and so woke up with his face pressed into one of his books. At such times, he was usually (always) alone, and so he didn't exactly bother with social niceties. Right around then, he'd just snatch at handfuls of dry cereal straight from the box.

But no-one was supposed to know about that. Especially not Phil.

Dan shoved the memory determinedly away, deciding simply to never speak of it again. He'd corrected Phil now, after all, and Phil seemed content enough to eat the cereal with milk and a spoon, the proper way. Dan's secret eating habits never needed to come out into the open, and Phil certainly didn't need to know them.

"Told you," Dan answered with an easy grin, dropping his hands to see Phil still sending him a curious look. Dan quickly made sure his own thoughts were hidden well away from the bond, and instead nodded to the bowl with a proud look. "Happens to be my favourite snack, cereal. Glad to know we have something else in common."

Other than sending Dan a curious look and prodding lightly at a bond that suddenly seemed to be attempting to block Phil from his thoughts, Phil was far too focused on his cereal to even realise just how fast he was eating. Before he knew it, his bowl was empty, and he was still feeling ridiculously starving. Without looking, Phil let his magic grab for Dan's box of cereal, and watched greedily as it tipped over into his bowl, wet with milk still at the bottom, before he reached out and grabbed a handful for himself. As soon as his bowl was full again, Phil was dropping the box, and going for the milk instead, just having shoved a handful of cereal into his mouth.

Dan caught the floating milk carton before Phil could show off anymore, sending Phil a stern glare before beginning to pour the milk for him again, and then Phil was diving straight back in, gobbling up his food far too fast for what could be deemed healthy. He knew he should slow down, but he was suddenly ravenous now that he had finally eaten, and he wasn't sure how he'd gone so long without food in his belly.

Dan rolled his eyes a bit as he watched Phil demolishing as much of his cereal as he could. Dan made a mental note to buy more. Cereal was his favourite, but it seemed Phil had stolen that trait from him just as much as he was now stealing his food.

"I'll buy you your own box next time I go shopping," Dan muttered as he caught the flying milk and passed it to Phil. "Stop you eating all my reserves at least." Phil was forcefully shoving handfuls in by his mouth, apparently having given up on the spoon completely. The flying magic was kind of impressive, though, not that Dan was ever going to admit that out loud. He would have to remember he could utilise his magic to help his laziness.

"If I catch you doing that," Dan muttered, "I'm going to tape your hands to a spoon. Come on, Phil. While you're human, you have to do human things. That means eating with cutlery and waking me up before you try and walk anywhere. Okay?" He leaned over, picking up the spoon and presenting it to Phil again. "If you're that hungry, I can make us an actual meal."

Phil couldn't help snorting in amusement, surprised by the sound of it and dissolving into laughter as the very thought of Dan tapeing a spoon to force him to use the utensil. "But I've seen you do it," Phil complained, teasing, even as he accepted the spoon that Dan handed to him. The thought of changing himself to be more human, though, was both bad and good. Obviously he knew he had to do some things differently, but he didn't feel particularly animal in eating his food this way. Besides, Dan was doing it too, so it was only fair... right? "Besides. On the telly I saw people eating with their hands," he argued once he'd calmed down some, slurping up his cereal quickly.

The second his bowl was empty a second time, though, Phil was standing and moving over to Dan, bumping their hips together on his way to the sink. Because he could, and because he wanted too, he leaned over and pressed his lips lightly to Dan's cheek before continuing on his way, feeling far less unsteady on his feet and with a much clearer head than the last two days. "If I'm human, I should very well be able to walk on my own," he added for good measure, grinning to himself as he went about doing the dishes.

"You don't have to make a meal. I think I'm okay. I just feel like I haven't eaten in six days. The human world requires us to eat far more often than I'm used to."

Dan grimaced a bit. He was already teaching Phil bad habits, even when he didn't mean to, but sometimes he forgot that Phil was actually another person rather than just an extension of himself. Having Phil next to him had grown to be so natural that Dan didn't catch himself when he did things not normally socially acceptable - like eating cereal by his hands straight out of the box, apparently.

"Yes, well." Dan rubbed at the back of his neck. "Just because I do something around you doesn't mean it's a socially acceptable thing to do. Just… if we have company, remember to use your cutlery, alright?"

Eventually giving in, Dan also grabbed the box and ate a handful out of the box without even bothering to pour himself a bowl. Watching Phil eat was making him hungry, too, even if he hadn't been awake long and this was still much earlier than he'd usually be up.

He gave a short squeal when Phil bumped his hip, mimicking an action Dan had done to him earlier. It was only fair enough, he supposed, but still. He narrowed his eyes in a playful glare at Phil, answering, "Yes, well, having a high temperature makes you lose your appetite. Now your fever seems to be gone, it's probably come back full force." He paused, analysing Phil closely. "...Your fever has gone, right? Because otherwise you're getting straight back into bed."

It made Phil giggle when Dan began to eat straight out of the box the exact way he'd told Phil not to do just a second ago, but he didn't comment on it, not wanting to make Dan too uncomfortable when Phil called him out. He seemed awkward enough, a trait Phil was sure he shared. He could understand the whole idea of social niceties and acceptable behaviors, though, as even in his world those had existed, but he figured it wouldn't be too much trouble in the long run.

"Apparently, in your world, it's strange for a familiar to take it's human form around anyone but their witch. PJ keeps looking at me funny, and Mara squawked in indignation to hear that I didn't mind being in either form, so long as it was the best form for the task," Phil said, thinking allowed. "Does it bother you, that I don't really care what form I'm in?" he wondered. "I could remain a cat when we have company, if that would make you more comfortable."

The second the dishes were done - including the ones from Dan over the last two days that he hadn't bothered to get done - Phil made his way back to stand in front of Dan. He really was feeling better, though, and it had left him with a sense of confident euphoria. He picked up Dan's hand in his, and pressed it to his forehead.

"You tell me. Do I feel hot, still?"

Dan pursed his lips, idly watching as Phil washed the dishes up in the sink. He half-thought that he should stop Phil, but then he remembered how much he hated doing the dishes (as was shown by his lack of doing them for the past few days), and Phil didn't seem too pained. So Dan leaned against the counter beside him and pondered his question.

"It doesn't bother me particularly if you're human around other people," he confessed quietly. "From what PJ told me, he and the raven have a very intense, private relationship. I think the raven being human is something very special to them - and it might be something to do with that… other thing." He wrinkled his nose a bit. "You know, like - she's human only when they're alone. I don't really feel the same thing with you. Like I said before, it’s just that human’s view seeing a familiar as a human as something particularly intimate, special, but it doesn’t bother me in that way."

Dan sighed, thinking. "I don't want you to feel like I don't treasure you as much, though. I absolutely do. I just - I don't want to control you like that?" He shrugged a bit, giving Phil a small smile. "What's most important to me is you're comfortable. If you're more comfortable as a cat, then you should be a cat - though I have to say, I like how you can hug me back when you're human."

He grinned a bit wider when Phil appeared in front of him, presenting his forehead for Dan to check. "You're a fast learner." He reached forward, tenderly brushing back his fringe so he could lay his hand against Phil's forehead. It felt much cooler, much to Dan's relief, and Phil's eyes were brighter as he looked at Dan. Dan gave a satisfied nod, stepping close to press a kiss to Phil's forehead. "Much better. You're allowed to stay out of bed."

Phil had to consider what Dan had said for a moment. It was something almost overwhelmingly new to be told that someone wanted him to feel precious to them. It made Phil think a bit more, on the relationship that PJ and his raven must have, what Mara must have with him, and he recalled for a moment the strange interaction he’d had with her when he’d wanted to talk about his own budding relationship with Dan. Mara had seemed so strained and confused, like she’d dealt with a lot… Phil shook his head. She seemed happy enough, there was no point in worrying about nothing.

At Dan wrinkling his nose, Phil wrinkled his as well, recoiling from the very thought of something like that when he couldn't even bear to remember the other cat's desire for him just days before. He wondered what that kind of desire must feel like, or seem like. Was it how Phil felt when he craved affection from Dan? When he craved physical touch to calm him down? He didn't completely understand it himself, but he supposed he could ask Mara at another time.

A bit more shy than before, Phil lowered his gaze from Dan. "I appreciate you more than you know," he admitted. "I always thought I would want my witch to control me, but - as strange as it is to know that I can do whatever I want with you, it's also relieving. There's no fear that... that I'll be forced to do anything." Dan's fingers were normal and warm against his forehead now, which was relaxing, as Phil continued on. "But I'm comfortable as both forms. I like... I like different things about each. It would just be so much easier if they were the same," he complained before he began to laugh, shaking his head a little ruefully at himself as Dan watched on.

Phil appreciated the added kiss more than he could say, though, and grinned up at Dan before catching his hand in his and weaving their fingers together. "If I'm no longer confined to bed, then you are no longer confined to me. You have to go to work today, Dan," Phil teased, and squeezed his fingers before letting him go. Today... today Phil felt a little less affectionate. What they'd had so far was enough for him, now.

Dan felt a momentary pang when Phil took his hand away, but it settled quickly when Phil stayed close and smiled at him. Phil's words, too - they helped more than ever to allow Dan to relax. Phil didn't expect Dan to control him, in fact he liked his freedom, and there was never any expectations on either side for there to be some other aspect of their relationship. That was better than Dan could ever have hoped for.

Honestly, though, how would they even define their relationship? Dan had no idea how to describe exactly what Phil was to him - his familiar, of course, but for them that word didn't carry a lot of the connotations it seemed to hold for others, like PJ. Dan hadn't ever wanted that. He'd never wanted a familiar because he hadn't realised that a relationship like the one he had with Phil was even possible.

He'd got rather lucky, Dan thought. Companionship without pressure was a new and important addition to his life.

At the mention of work, though, Dan groaned. "Do I have to? Are you a hundred percent sure that you don't need another day off? I have no problem caring for you, and you know, technically it's still my job." He sniffed, knowing full well he didn't have an option and he was being a whiny brat, but. Well. Dan had grown to love his time alone with Phil.

With a low, playful huff, he stalked out of the room, holding the door open for Phil to follow, and headed back to his room. "So you got me out of bed so early for cereal, and now you're forcing me out of the house. Remind me why I love you again?"

Phil laughed at Dan's pouting, glad that his witch was the one complaining and being needy for once, but also feeling a little bit of anxiety flare through him at the idea of Dan wanting to stay in bed with him for the rest of the day caring for him. Phil could feel something prickling at his skin at that, and it wasn't a good thing. Was this how Dan had felt the other day when he'd yelled at Phil? Phil couldn't help grimacing, feeling worse yet for having put Dan through that, but followed him into his bedroom nonetheless.

"Yes, Dan. Unfortunately, you have to do your real job, rather than claiming that I'm ill. Excuse me, by the way, I thought I was more than that," he teased, feeling well enough to joke with Dan at least. He was glad for that, knowing that it was just because he knew he had nothing to fear or worry about with Dan. His witch would never force him to cuddle if Phil wasn't feeling up to it, and he hoped Dan felt safe the next time he felt this way as well.

"Because I'm yours," Phil replied easily, flushing a little as he realised they both needed to get changed. Phil lowered his gaze, then, and bit his lip. He kind of wanted to go back into cat form now that he was feeling better, but also just because he felt safer in that form right now when the idea of being touched made his skin prickle. At the same time, he was terrified to be a cat again and get into trouble with another feline, and he wondered if Dan might help soothe his worries.

Dan snorted as he bent to rummage through his drawer, turning his back on Phil. Mostly the snort was to hide his affection, though, at hearing that Phil was his. That didn't spark the same fear it used to in Dan - the idea that he was responsible for someone else, that he had to be open to someone else. Knowing Phil had shown him the good sides of that kind of bond.

"Dan?" Phil called, trying to get his witch's attention. Dan hummed at him, but didn't turn around from rummaging through his drawer for a change in clothing.

"Do you remember when you - when you felt like you didn't really want... my affection, anymore?" he asked, biting his lip nervously. That wasn't exactly what he'd meant to get at, but it was close enough.

Hearing Phil's question had Dan turning around with a confused frown. He assumed Phil was asking about the times Dan hadn't wanted to be physically close to him - when waking up in the same bed had him freaking out. He bit his lower lip, instantly worried that he'd done something similar to upset Phil again by accident. He ran quickly through the events of the morning - he'd kissed Phil's forehead, earlier, and also held his hand, had that not been enough?

Or… had it been too much?

Dan turned to consider Phil, taking in his slightly widened eyes and the sense of worry he could feel thrumming through their bond. Had he brought this up because he was now feeling the way Dan had?

Carefully, Dan dropped his clothes and inclined his head in a nod. "Of course I remember. And you were more understanding about it than I could ever have hoped for. Have I - um - have I done something to hurt you again?"

Phil's lips twitched, glad to hear that he'd been what Dan had needed then, had been able to understand and give Dan what he needed. He wanted, needed the same thing here, and he could feel a well of emotion driving through him, a little hard to swallow, and stuck tight in his throat. He swallowed, but shook his head, desperate to make sure Dan didn't think he'd hurt him.

"No. No, it's nothing like that. I just. I - I think I understand how you felt, now?" he asked, a little nervous. For as much as Phil had been expecting to feel this way if Dan had, knowing as he did that he had been made in Dan's almost exact copy, as someone who would be perfect for him in every way, he always felt a little like a fake, terrified Dan wouldn't take him seriously.

"But, uhm. That's not - it's fine, this morning's been fine. It's just... I want to change forms, but I don't - I don't know if I can, or should, after... after what happened with that other cat? So I was - wondering... if. If you could help me, and then... maybe just... hold me for a little while?"

It seemed counter intuitive to have Dan holding him in either form when he was feeling like he wanted to be alone, when he was feeling like being around Dan, coddled by Dan, touched by Dan, was just a little too much right then. He loved the other male, sure, but... and suddenly Phil was beginning to understand why Dan had always been so confused about their relationship and his own feelings towards Phil, because this was a very different feeling of love than Phil usually had. It made him bite his lip again, wondering if Dan understood this any better than Phil did.

At the very least, he was glad to be able to understand Dan on a different level, having felt exactly what Dan had felt for him as well.

As Phil stumbled through his request, Dan's eyes widened as he finally caught on to what Phil was saying. It wasn't that Dan had done anything wrong - no, it was that Phil was experiencing now exactly what Dan had felt before, when suddenly the things he wanted changed and, while he still loved Phil, he'd wanted to express it in different ways.

If Dan was reading this right, then that's exactly what Phil was feeling now. And Dan knew he'd never let Phil feel pressured or upset by this, not when Dan himself knew exactly how confusing everything was.

"Of course," he said immediately, approaching Phil and hovering close enough to touch without actually touching him. "I get it. Completely. Of course you can be a cat, Phil, I don't ever want you to worry about that. Change forms whenever you like, I'm always going to be happy to have you around." He chewed his lip, considering carefully what Phil said. The damage his encounter with that other cat had done was still prevalent, obviously, and Dan wanted to grind his teeth at the thought, but he knew that wasn't what Phil needed right now. No, what Phil needed was to feel safe.

"I can help you change, if you like," Dan reassured, filling up the bond with a gentle nudge, a reminder that Phil wasn't alone. "Being a cat doesn't make you like that other cat, you know. And not every cat is like that. You're a very special kind, after all, and I'm always going to be right here if you run into any sort of trouble." He bit his lip, adding hastily, "I mean, however you want to express it. I'm always going to be here for you, Phil, whether that's through touch or not."

"I think I get it, too," Dan added softly. "I mean - holding you when you're a cat is very different to holding you when you're human. It's… not the same affection. I don't know. I can't explain it, but - but I feel like you know what I mean?" He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug, smiling ruefully. "If you want, you can wait for me outside while I change. If you'd be more comfortable, I mean. And if you're a cat I'll scratch your ears all you like, but if you're human, I won't - I won't start anything, okay? If you want me, you know where I am. But it's fine if you don't want that today, I get it."

When Dan approached, Phil knew that he wasn't going to touch him or do anything that Phil didn't want, but it still made him a little nervous. His first reaction was to shrink into himself a little, and he did, but Dan's presence just being nearby helped him to stay relaxed and not to panic, though the longer the day went on, the more Phil felt like he really, really didn't want to be touched. Dan's soul pressed up against their bond, though, gently nudging and trying to be reassuring in its motions, flooding Phil with calmed thoughts about how much Dan understood him and wanted to take care of him, give him what he needed. That helped Phil enough to look up at Dan and actually listen to him when he spoke.

He bit his lip as Dan struck deep, clearly understanding Phil's worries and fears about being in his cat form now that he'd been nearly assaulted, and he couldn't help being surprised that Dan seemed to understand Phil was afraid he could end up doing something like that. But Dan was right - Phil was different entirely to the cats of the human world, and there was no part of him that would ever give in to base instinct the same way his almost-cat-friend had given into his own. Phil had those instincts, but they were distinctly foreign and far off compared to the rest of who he was, and for that, he was thankful. But he was still terrified that if he walked around as a cat he might encounter someone else who would want to take advantage of him, and that was what scared him most, despite knowing that Dan would come running the second Phil called. That almost wasn't enough for him, regardless of how badly he wanted it to be.

As Dan continued speaking, though, seeming to have picked up on Phil's confusion about how he wanted to be touched by Dan as a cat, he found himself comforted properly, because he did understand. There was something very different about Phil being in cat form when Dan touched him than in human form - some intimacy that didn't exist in the same way. Something... something was different in the same way that  something was different in the love that Phil felt for Dan right now.

"Thank you, Dan," Phil murmured, smiling shyly up at his witch. He'd known exactly what to say to calm Phil down, to reassure him that Dan would always be what he needed, nothing more, nothing less. "I need help, though. I don't think I have the strength to change... and then I can wait for you in the lounge?" he suggested, clinging to the offer for Dan to change without Phil in the room.

"Sure," Dan answered, and took a step back, recognising all too well the apprehension in Phil's eyes. Even though Dan was kind of feeling physical intimacy today, he could see that Phil really wasn't, and he remembered well enough what that felt like. So Dan kept his distance, instead sitting on the bed and closing his eyes as he nudged again at the bond.

This time, Dan released his magic, letting it fill up inside him until he felt like he was tingling right to the tips of his fingers. His magic was cool, had always been cool, and having it flow through him like this felt like bathing in a deep lake out in the centre of a forest somewhere, settled down into relaxing calm. He kept his eyes closed, smiling. Sometimes he thought he really didn't use his magic enough, forgetting just how beautiful it could be.

Right now, though, Dan had a job to do. He nudged at the bond, opening it slowly until there was a gap just wide enough to channel some of his magic in a gentle stream through. He did so, slowly and carefully mixing his magic up with Phil's, lending Phil his own strength. In contrast to Dan, Phil's magic was red-hot, and it burned around the edges of Dan's cool flows. He soothed wherever the fires were too hot, gently mixing until they were both working together - hot and cold, perfect opposites.

"You should be able to change now," Dan murmured, keeping his flow of magic steady until Phil was ready to use it.

It was intense to feel Dan pressing his actual magic through their bond, a wave of coolness brushing over him, infusing with his own chaotic magic, soothing along the edges of the intense bits that even Phil could feel sometimes burned too hot, too close to the edge. They'd done this before, but only once, and it had been different then, so much different. Now... now it felt like an intense tickle filling Phil from the tips of his toes to the tips of fingers, cooling him down completely, relaxing him until he even felt in control. It wasn't until Phil did feel control that he realised the lack of it in his daily life, and he understood now how he was so much more clumsy and uncoordinated than Dan.

If he had the control that Dan did, he'd be less of a mess, and yet he couldn't bring himself to want to change. Not really. They needed each other, and this was just a reminder of how much so.

Breathing in deeply, Phil closed his eyes, and gripped tight to the blue strands of power he could see in himself, foreign bits that had wound so tightly around his own magic that it looked purple. The feeling was intense and strong, lending Phil strength he'd known he'd needed, and when he pulled gently, drew the magic to him and around him, the coolness of Dan washing over him in an instant, swelling over him and making him gasp.

In seconds this time, he found his form had changed, and he let go of everything Dan had given him just in time to open his eyes and find that he was definitely back to his black furry form.

The realisation was comforting, and the anxious prickle on his skin was gone.

Though he did feel a little bit of leftover ill as he realised his pheromones had not had time to calm down and dissipate. His fur stood on end as he stood up and shook himself, cowering backwards a little as he looked at Dan. He wanted more than anything for Dan to come and soothe the disgust still settled in his fur, but he also wanted Dan to change first, so he blinked a few times before turning his back on Dan, tail tucked up between his legs to try and stifle his pheromones, and phased through Dan's bedroom door without a word.

Dan blinked, coming back to himself when he felt Phil release the strands of magic he'd been using to change, so that Dan was no longer channeling through their bond. It took a moment to collect himself, to gather together his emotions and settle his magic back down, and that moment was long enough for newly-cat-Phil to disappear through his door.

Dan gnawed on his lip, worried. He knew Phil was going to have some residual fears left over after the last time he'd been a cat - Dan could still remember the desperate way he'd clung to Dan, insisting on being human again as quickly as he could so he didn't have to think about what had happened. Would Phil still be scared, back in his cat form again? Dan didn't know for sure, but he wasn't willing to leave Phil alone for long enough to find out.

Dan changed swiftly, grabbing the first comfortable but vaguely-smart looking things from his wardrobe. After all, he did have to work today, as Phil had been a pain about remindng him earlier. Maybe Phil would come down and help him again - he could watch Dan tending patients, if he liked, so maybe he could see how he might learn to do something similar in the future. Dan wasn't too sure about that, though. The idea of anyone else interacting with his familiar was… alien.

Once he was completely dressed and appropriate, Dan opened the door and headed out into the living room. There was a black fluffy shape curled up on his sofa with his head on his paws, looking dejected and altogether miserable. Dan hummed softly, announcing his presence, and sat himself carefully by Phil's side. He could be here for however Phil needed him, but Dan had already decided that Phil would be the one initiating all physical contact today, so that Dan didn't accidentally push him too far.

"How are you feeling?" Dan asked quietly, folding his hands into his lap and tucking his legs up behind him. "You know… we can talk about what happened if you like. It's all biological, Phil, that's all it is. It doesn't change you at all, and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

When Dan settled down next to him, Phil stood up immediately, fully intending to bury himself in Dan's arms the same as the last time, only Dan folded his hands in his lap immediately and began to talk, digging right into the heart of the matter without preamble. It caused Phil to pause and look up at Dan, fur still standing on end from the strangeness of his biological reactions and the pheromones still sticking to his fur.

Having Dan suggest they talk about this, though, made Phil realise that they really hadn't yet. That he'd run from it and gotten sick almost immediately after. His human form had made it easy to forget and let go of on some level, but being back made Phil feel a bit sick.

He needed this, though, and he refused to let anyone make him hate himself or any of his forms.

"I know," Phil ended up replying lamely, ignoring Dan's somewhat closed off positioning and pushing his head against his hands as he began to climb over Dan. Automatically, Dan seemed to move his hands, allowing Phil to climb into his lap as he started to purr and press his face into Dan's tummy. "I know, it's just... the pheromones haven't gone? And... and I hate that my biology could potentially force me into something I don't want..." Phil's voice was muffled by Dan's belly, and he shuddered as Dan tentatively pressed his hand against Phil's back. To encourage him, Phil arched his back into Dan's hand until Dan had trailed his fingers tentatively all the way down his fur.

"More," Phil demanded.

Dan unfolded himself slowly and carefully as Phil clambered into his lap. He fluttered his hands awkwardly over Phil's fur for a moment, not yet sure if he could completely relax into this when Phil might not be comfortable, but then Phil unceremoniously demanded more and a chuckle escaped Dan before he could help it. Instinctively, he curled his fingers through Phil's fur, soothing down the strands that were sticking up in obvious discomfort. He'd missed this - this sensation of a small warm body curled up in his lap, purring and demanding attention.

Dan settled back against the cushions and pulled Phil more firmly into his lap, one hand smoothing down his fur slowly, the other finding the spot at his ear and scratching lightly. Dan grinned when Phil instantly melted against him, lying out flat and beginning to drool a bit. That was how he knew he was doing a good job, and Phil was just as happy as he was.

"Your biology can't control you, Phil," Dan answered softly after a minute. "It's a natural thing, yes, but you aren't forced into acting on it if you don't want to. You can just wait it out. It's a bit uncomfortable, but - well, it's like being sick. It's miserable for a bit, but then it gets better." He curled his fingers against Phil's fur, hearing Phil's rumbling purrs vibrating against his hand. "Distractions help, usually. Find something you enjoy, and stick to doing that until it goes away."

The second that Dan pulled Phil in more properly against his lap, curling his fingers behind Phil's ear to scratch while his other hand smoothed down the obvious patches of his fur that were showing distress, Phil collapsed into him, eyes closing as his mouth dropped open and he began to drool. He couldn't even be bothered to control himself because he liked this so, so, much. Dan's touch was able to relax and soothe him, and the fact that he was human even helped his nerves to calm down, helped his pheromones to settle some, until they were beginning to dissipate properly. The strange feeling between his legs was going as well, which was relieving because the burning sensation was horrifying.

"But... but what if another cat mounted me?" Phil asked, appalled by his very own words and the thought of that ever happening to him. He shoved his head further into Dan's soft skin. "I wouldn't be able to control myself then because - because my body would accept them." Phil shuddered, but he clung to Dan, still purring and relaxed at Dan's touch.

This was enough distraction for him, and exactly what he needed to soothe the parts of him aching for something he didn't personally think he wanted.

It was heartbreaking, really, hearing Phil so terrified of something that could happen to him without his consent or control. Dan soothed him as best as he could, all the time resolving to never ever let him get anywhere close to this situation ever again. Dan needed to get better at checking on Phil, and not getting lost in his own drama - Phil still knew so little about this world, and he had no one but Dan to teach him.

"Even if your body reacts like that, it doesn't stop it from being an attack," he tried to explain, keeping his fingers gently moving through Phil's fur. He wasn't sure touching Phil was ideal for this conversation, but Phil seemed to want his touch, and Dan wasn't going to stop when he enjoyed this too. So he scratched at Phil's ear, offering what comfort he could.

"I promise I'd never let things get that far," Dan continued, feeling a snag of anger and jealousy at the thought of anyone else having Phil like that, or forcing Phil into that. "But even if it did… you're not responsible for your biology, Phil. Your body will do weird things, that doesn't mean you have to be okay with it." He grimaced. "I'm not explaining this very well. But… just because your body would welcome it, doesn't mean you would. And I'd  never let you, okay? You’re my familiar, I'm just going to have to get better at making sure everyone knows you're already spoken for."

Phil's tail was still tucked up between his legs, hiding anxiously from any unwanted attention and preventing his pheromones from taking over the room or getting out to any felines that might be nearby, but Dan was stroking just above his bum, and Phil's tail was quivering with the want for Dan to pet that, too. Phil was just too scared to move it, yet, the fluffy mass hiding him from the world. He hoped Dan didn't mind all this, because Phil felt quite nervous and afraid that it would be too much for his witch.

His words were soft and understanding, though, which was more than Phil could have hoped for. He was understanding in a way that Phil didn't even know if he would be able to be, because he had no experience with these kinds of horrors or pains in his own world. His own kind didn't have to mate, after all, despite their bodies being... formed that way, because that was just how things were. Being home with Dan after what had happened was... the best situation possible.

It helped to have Dan promise Phil that it didn't change him if his body forced him to enjoy or do things that he didn't personally enjoy or want to do, though, and Phil was able to relax even further when Dan promised him that Dan would do his best to make it more clear to the rest of the world that Phil was most definitely already his, that he was spoken for and no-one else could touch him.

It was a comforting thought, only being Dan's, even as Phil didn't truly understand all of what that entailed for them.

Were they strange in the eyes of the rest of the world? Whatever they had and did... was it strange?

"Okay," Phil ended up replying, swallowing thickly. "I - I'll always hold out for you, if I need you and you aren't there. I'll be strong until you can help me."

"You don't have to be strong for me," Dan disagreed, his fingers still gently smoothing down Phil's fur. "I should have noticed something was wrong before you had to call out for me." A little crease appeared in his brow, his eyes focused on Phil's dark fur, so black it seemed to stain his fingers. It was soft and lovely to touch, as ever, and Dan could feel the constant tug towards Phil, the little happy flushes that appeared every time Phil's purring rumbled loudly through the room.

Sometimes, even now, Dan worried that he was going about this all wrong. That he wasn't the right kind of person to have a familiar, that he just wasn't cut out for the kind of close relationship it entailed. But… Phil seemed to be the same. He hadn't wanted to be close to Dan as a human that morning, and Dan was honestly relieved that he seemed to get it. But at the same time… Dan didn't get it at all. What if there was something wrong with both of them?

He pushed his darker thoughts away, focusing instead on the deep sense of worry and concern that came from his care for Phil. He truly did care for Phil, and that was all that should matter, right? So, with a deep sigh, he pulled Phil in closer, until he could nuzzle his face into the soft fur of his back. "Sometimes I think I should be paying more attention to the bond. If I was aware of it the other night, I'd have spotted the danger of your situation way earlier."

"But I want to be strong for you," Phil disagreed easily and quickly, flicking his eyes up to meet Dan's and purring extra loud for good measure. "I want to be strong for you, good for you. I want... I want to be everything you need and more," Phil admitted. "I want to make you proud of me." Phil's purring grew louder just at the thought of it, and he settled in with a happy smile on his face as Dan's fingers trailed over his fur, soothing the bits that refused to settle down. Phil could feel a deep rumble in him beginning to settle, and he could smell the pheromones finally beginning to dissipate. It helped him to relax even more against Dan.

Panicking for just a second as Dan lifted Phil until he was cradled to Dan's chest instead, Phil settled when he realized that Dan was just repositioning Phil so he could nuzzle his face into Phil's fur, Phil felt himself growing warm with affection for this human cuddling him, and sighed as he stretched out in Dan's arms just to give him more surface to work with. Dan clearly needed some comfort from Phil as well.

"You can't blame yourself," Phil murmured in reply, turning his head to lick at Dan's nose, and grinning when Dan wrinkled it in reaction. "It's not your fault. The bond is new to both of us. It's hard to always pick up on something being wrong, especially when we don't always have it so wide open. Don't take that the wrong way, though - I'm happy like this, with it like this. You can share all my private thoughts, I don't care, but I don't want to invade you like that ever. I just mean that... it's not a bad thing. Sometimes, space is good, and it's okay if you can't always tell something is wrong. I'll always call for you, I'll always make you hear me, and you the same. We'll always find a way to be there for each other, Dan."

"No, no, no," Dan argued straight away, despite the way Phil was looking at him all cute and soft, and that face was really hard to argue with. "You don't have to try to be good for me, Phil, you already are. Everything I could ever need is just… here." He pressed his face into Phil's fur, closing his eyes and breathing him in. "You don't have to try because you're already enough."

Dan kept his face in Phil's fur as he considered his words, thinking hard before he spoke. At least Phil didn't seem to mind this, sprawled out across Dan's chest as he was and still emitting low, soft purrs. Licking Dan's nose was just entirely unnecessary, though, so Dan wrinkled his nose and lifted his face with a small smirk tugging at his lips despite himself.

"I know what you're trying to say," he eventually settled on, lifting a hand to scratch behind Phil's ear again and watching with delight as Phil melted even further against him. "I like having this bond with you. I just… sometimes almost forget about it?" He grimaced. "It's still kind of natural to want to put shields up. Even though I don't want that, not really. I don't want to block you out, Phil, not even when I'm… feeling like I did the other day. Like you felt this morning."

"I like having the bond, too," Phil murmured quietly. "No matter how I feel, I always like having you there in the back of my mind like a soothing presence, a reminder I'm not alone and I belong. I finally belong..." Phil trailed off, closing his eyes and gently kneading his paws into Dan's chest a little, craving that comfort as his ears twitched and his tail finally released itself.

His body seemed to have relaxed now. Nothing inappropriate was showing or reacting or setting off pheromones that only another feline could sense and smell. He felt okay, and his tail swished lazily against Dan's arm before winding around it lightly.

"Familiars feel so alone before they find their witches..." Phil mumbled, sighing. "But now I have you. I think that's why I'm so much more comfortable with these things than you... because I never had anything before you, not really. Not in the sense that I wanted, needed..." Phil pressed his face into Dan's hand again to encourage him to go back to scratching, and meowed lightly when Dan did. His paws continued to knead at Dan's chest.

"But I don't mind that you need more space. And I understand the automatic reaction to putting shields up. Sometimes I'm scared for you to have to feel my pain, and I want to block you out... but mostly I just feel safe with you."

Dan felt another deep stirring of sympathy to hear Phil describing his life in the other world before he'd found Dan. Phil didn't talk about it much - maybe Dan hadn't wanted to hear about it before - but whenever he spoke of that world, it seemed to be with a hint of regret but mostly a deep relief at not being there anymore. Dan had always found that difficult to understand, never quite sure exactly how someone couldn't miss their home of so many years and instead be completely happy in their new one.

Now, it made sense. For Phil, Dan had always been home, and finding him was the first time that Phil had been able to feel wanted, to feel right. Dan could get a glimpse of what that meant - times when they used their magic together, when the bond was at its strongest, and this deep sensation flooded through him that everything was right. He craved those moments in a way he hadn't ever expected, but for Phil it seemed to be like that all the time.

"I didn't even know I needed you until I had you," Dan murmured in response. Another tug of regret spiked through him when he remembered just how cold he'd been with Phil at the start, how stubborn and adamant he was that he didn't need a familiar to 'complete' him. Now, though, he saw that Phil didn't complete him - he extended him. Phil made Dan reach places and do things he'd never even dreamed of before.

"I think that's it, though," Dan explained quietly, speaking into Phil's fur as he felt Phil's claws gently kneading the soft fabric covering his chest. "I want to hide from you the bits of myself I don't like very much. That's why I want shields, sometimes, even though I don't want to block you out. I'm glad you feel safe with me, though. I want you to always feel safe and happy."

Phil couldn't help the giddy rush of emotion that spread through him at that, nuzzling his face into Dan's neck now that he was pressed so much higher up on his chest, and sighing softly against the skin there. His tongue darted out to press a light kitten-kiss there, and then he nuzzled him again with his wet nose, just enjoying the comfort and knowledge that Dan was completely happy with him, now, that Dan was certain of their need for each other in each other's lives. Phil was glad for that, more glad than he could say, and happy to be in this form as Dan said it. He wasn't sure he could really face it as a human - Phil still didn't truly understand the distinction, but there was something sharp and more poignant in these moments when Phil was human that seemed to mean more than Phil could take right now.

There had to be some explanation for these confused feelings they were both facing, but Phil wasn't entirely sure he needed to understand. So long as they were both happy, that was all that mattered in the end.

"I love every bit of you," Phil replied easily. "Even the bad parts," he teased, licking Dan's skin again for good measure, to reassure him he meant that in the kindest way - even if he was making fun of him just a little bit.

"Oi," Dan huffed in response, nudging at Phil and dislodging him just a bit from his chest. "This is the part where you're supposed to say, no, Dan, you don't have any bad parts, you're the most perfect witch I could ever imagine." Dan was grinning as he poked at Phil's side again, his other arm encircling Phil's body so he wouldn't fall completely off his chest.

He cuddled Phil against him for a moment longer, taking a moment to run his fingers along Phil's tail now that it was no longer tucked between his legs. At least Phil seemed calmer about being a cat again, and it was strangely easier to iron out the more complicated aspects of their relationship when only one of them was human. Maybe they'd have to talk about it one day, but for now, Dan was just happy with what they'd got.

"You sure you're going to make me go to work today?" Dan mumbled after a minute, stretching out luxuriously under Phil. "I'm kinda comfortable right now."

Phil laughed, entire body shaking with it as Dan poked at him and teased him back, putting upon a fake irritation that Phil would ever say anything bad about him, even as his arms came up to wrap more securely around Phil, keeping him in place. "I can't very well lie to you, now can I?" Phil replied, still purring as he settled in against Dan's body. He felt a shiver go up his spine as Dan stroked over his tail, and meowed quietly.

Eyes closed as he took a light cat nap that wasn't even really a nap, Phil muttered, "Yes, Dan. You have to go to work today," but didn't bother attempting to shift off of his pillow. He quite liked it, being pressed to Dan's chest like this, and he smiled as Dan pouted and groaned about having to move, not making any effort to go anywhere either.

"But maybe just another minute," Phil murmured, grinning as he felt Dan grin against his fur in turn.

"Sounds good," his witch agreed, and Phil let out a deep breath before settling in properly with his head cushioned against Dan's skin.

Staying like this was more blissful than Dan had ever really dared hope for. Having Phil curled up against him, telling him to work but making no effort to move - that was the best part. And if he was late, no-one was going to tell him off - Dan was his own boss, after all, though PJ maybe wouldn't be too happy about it.

Oh well. Dan could always just blame Phil.

They sat together for another long moment, with Dan stretched out on the sofa, his feet hanging off the end, and Phil curled up securely on his chest with eyes closed. He was probably cat napping, Dan thought as he watched Phil's fur rise and fall with his breathing, his tail twitching every now and again. He purred even in his sleep. Dan smiled, lifting a hand to scratch lightly at Phil's ear again, and chuckling when that earned him a louder purr and a nudge of Phil's head against his palm.

"I'm sure you don't need to sleep this much, really," Dan murmured, "And this is just a ploy to get me to remain your pillow for a while." He stayed there another minute before suddenly sitting up without any warning, sending Phil sprawling down into his lap. Dan grinned cheekily. "What? You're the one who wants me to work, remember."

Phil would beg to differ. Cats loved naps, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with how much he slept, thank you very much. Worse than that, though, was when Dan unceremoniously sat up, dumping Phil straight into his lap and having the nerve to laugh and smile at a pouting Phil who could have easily clawed Dan to death if he'd been any less secure in his witch than he currently was. Sure, his paws had scrabbled a bit at thin air as he'd fallen, but he'd known that Dan was right there and would never let anything bad happen to him.

He grumbled a bit anyway, sitting up with an annoyed huff and jumping right out of Dan's lap and onto the floor.

"If you'd like to be like that, then so be it. See if I care," he harrumphed, and, with tail held high, Phil escaped to Dan's bedroom, laughing to himself as he jumped up onto his bed and settled in for a good old fashioned cat nap that Dan truly couldn't interrupt. His witch would just have to do without him for the rest of the morning.

"No, no, wait," Dan sniffed when Phil turned his back and scurried straight into his bedroom. "I didn't mean that you get to carry on sleeping somewhere else! You're meant to come and help me!" It was too late, though, as Phil had already disappeared back into Dan's bedroom. The nerve of him, honestly, kicking Dan out to work while he went back to bed.

Still, it was kind of cute. And if Phil wanted to sleep, Dan wasn't going to stop him, especially when he'd been neglecting his job lately (and Dan really did love his job, he was just lazy at heart).

Dan gathered up his books and belongings for the day and traipsed down the stairs, filling the bond with disgruntled muttering that might just invade Phil's dreams as he napped. All Dan got in reply were happy sleepy thoughts, though, and despite himself he could feel his lips twitching into a smile.

PJ had already opened up, and the small apothecary was filled with people browsing the shelves. Business was still booming, which was good, because Dan had been worried that the sudden arrival of Phil and all the disasters that ensued would put off his customers and patients. Still, it seemed the novelty of a new and powerful familiar was drawing more crowds in.

PJ greeted him with a rather frazzled grin, balancing potion bottles on a tray as he rushed back to a customer. "You've got a queue of patients in the treatment room, Dan, good to see you back!"

Dan waved at him, then turned to the door with a sigh. He often took care of the walk-in patients, tending to them while PJ dealt with customers wanting potions or repeat treatments. As he pushed open the door, he was met with several people on chairs or beds instantly clamouring for his attention, and smiled at them, putting on his work face and calm manner as he went to begin treating the first of them.

[auroraphilealis]

A Familiar Kind of Love Chapter 16

A Familiar Kind of Love

Genre: Chaptered, ace/aro (flux and other experiences including but not limited to queerplatonic relationships), self discovery, witches, slow burn, getting together (eventually and in a mixed romantic/platonic way), RP format

Warnings: inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

Word Count: 11,161 this chapter

Thank you to @vanillasolitude who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!

Updates: Monday & Wednesday & Friday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(Previous) (Masterlist) (AO3)

In case any of you were wondering why you got an update on Sunday this week rather on Monday,, ineverhadmyinternetphase and I have been experiencing extreme bouts of “brain fog” recently (I just typed gof, if that’s not brain fog I don’t know what is), which essentially just means that we’re having difficulties with our memory and thinking straight (here’s another post about it if you’re curious). Also, by a happy accident, we’ve officially finished editing and writing the rest of this story!!! So updates have increased to three days a week, which is why - surprise update on wednesday! Thank you to every single one of you who supports us as these chapters go up, and we sincerely hope that you enjoy what’s to come <3

Chapter Sixteen

The first place Phil went was down into Dan's shop. It was early, but Phil could hear the sound of someone moving around, and it became quickly clear to him that PJ was already there. Phil perked up at that, just a bit, and made his way through the shop until he came upon PJ, who was humming and rummaging around with the cash drawer, getting ready to start the day. Not wanting to terrify the poor man, Phil jumped up on the front counter and made a small yipping noise.

PJ still jumped, turning to Phil with wide, surprised eyes that quickly relaxed when he took in the sight of Phil.

"You're Phil, right?"

Phil nodded. "Hello, PJ. It's nice to meet you again," he greeted, wishing his voice didn't sound so solemn. PJ frowned at him, but didn't pry, standing up straight and making his way over to Phil. His hand hovered for a second, like he wanted to reach out and touch, but seemed to think better of it at the last minute.

Phil was relieved. He didn't want anyone but Dan touching him, especially not right now, when everything felt turned on its head.

"Are you okay?" PJ asked instead.

Shrugging small shoulders that suddenly felt too small, Phil nodded slowly. "For your purposes, yes," Phil said. "Dan should be down later. I was wondering where Mara was?" Phil asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice. "I mean. If you don't mind telling me. I'd like to spend some time with someone I know, if that's okay."

PJ smiled down at Phil, and nodded. "It's no problem. I'm sure she'd love to see you. She hasn't stopped asking after you. She's not been well enough to come to work with me recently, so she's at home, but here. I'll give you the address and you can meet her there."

**

For some reason, having Phil gone didn't make Dan feel any better.

He'd thought that, once Phil was gone and he had his space back, Dan's head would start to calm down and he'd be able to realise what it was that had sparked this wave of repulsion. But if anything, the opposite was true. Having Phil gone left Dan feeling hollow and empty, like he'd lost something that he never even realised he was missing. There was an ache deep within his bones, pulsing through his veins, and he missed the companionship more than anything.

But it didn't make sense. Dan had freaked out about having someone in his life, and then he'd seen the good bits and was just starting to get used to it, only to then go and freak out again. It didn't make sense. Dan didn't even understand it - how could he expect Phil to try and understand?

Dan sank slowly down onto the sofa, feeling the small buzz of the bond that had been so open recently recede to the back of his skull. It left a tug of loneliness settling in Dan's mind, and he screwed his face up and tucked his knees into his chest, hiding his face in his arms. How had he ruined this? Things were going so well.

In an attempt to understand himself, Dan thought back, trying to pinpoint the exact moment something had shifted. He'd been happy last night, he knew he'd craved being in Phil's arms, but… it was like that had happened to a different person. Dan could remember the good feelings, but he couldn't feel them anymore. Not right now. Right now, the thought of being in Phil's lap sent prickles of revulsion across his skin.

Dan swallowed. He'd been fine. He didn't understand this at all, even though he'd felt this way before. When Phil first turned up, Dan had never craved the kind of contact that involved cuddling someone else. Honestly, he'd never even considered it. And the first few times Phil had tried it, Dan had pushed him away. Until something shifted, and then he'd found himself wanting to be close just as much as Phil wanted to be close to him.

Only... this morning, waking up in Phil's arms had sent horrible panic twisting in Dan's gut, like he couldn't breathe, like he was trapped. But that wasn't how he'd felt last night. And Phil didn't want to trap him, he always offered Dan a way out.

And Dan hadn't taken it, and he'd freaked out anyway, and now he'd ruined everything.

Dan groaned louder, curling himself up into a ball and trying to push away his thoughts. He wished he could just turn his brain off, because he had a feeling over thinking this was only going to make matters worse.

**

Phil was able to make his way to PJ's flat quite easily after PJ gave him his address, magicking himself about until he was in the right place and he could walk straight through the door, body like mist for a moment as he did so. Upon entering, he sent out a vague greeting in his mind for the raven he knew would be about somewhere, and pranced through the nice looking flat. He felt safer here than he did at home right now, and it made him perk up, his tail flicking out happily, though his ears were still wilting.

Phil!? an excited voice murmured, echoing through Phil's skull in a different way than it did when Dan talked to him. The sound didn't come from the bond, but through another portion of Phil's mind. It was the only way that familiars could communicate to each other in their own world, and it was a habit to do the same thing in this one. Phil smiled, looking up as he made his way through the apartment.

Mara! Phil greeted back, tail flicking. Where are you? I was hoping we could hang out? he asked, praying he wasn't pushing any boundaries.

Suddenly, a light flapping sound caught Phil's attention, and he followed it into a small room with a very large bird cage. There was no door on it, but it was like a mini home for the raven that Phil could currently see resting inside of it, huddled up in her own wings. Her glowing eyes peered happily at Phil though, and she fluttered her wings again to reassure him that she was okay.

Hey, he greeted. What's happened? he asked. Are you okay?

I'm fine. I was too close to you when your magic went off and you restored the city, so my wings got a little singed, and it's been difficult to fly. I don't like being in my human form away from PJ though, so I decided to just stay home, she explained, fluttering her wings a bit.

Phil’s expression fell, and guilt filled him before he could stop it. He wilted a bit, and was just about to apologise when the raven made a loud squawking noise.

Don’t you dare apologise, Phil! It wasn’t your fault, and I’m fine, she insisted, glaring at Phil with beady eyes. Phil wilted even more, and shook his head, because it wasn’t that easy. Mara seemed to understand that, as she fluttered her wings again before swiftly changing the subject.

But enough about me. How are you? What’s happened? I can tell that something’s wrong.

The reminder of why Phil was here in the first place hit him again, then, and he sighed as he sat down on Mara’s carpet just under her cage, rolling onto his side and staring up at her with sad eyes.

He wasn’t even sure where to begin, and he hadn’t intended to talk about his problems with his bird friend, but now here they were, and Phil couldn't help himself - so he started to talk.

He didn’t go into very much detail. It felt inappropriate and a little bit terrifying to talk about the way that Dan and Phil had settled into their relationship over the course of the last few months - really, about two weeks, if you only counted the time where they were actually working on building a kind of relationship together, and not just… Dan getting angry at Phil for fucking up every time he tried to come and visit in those first few months.

Phil didn’t know enough about how he was feeling to explain properly anyway, and everything that he’d known in the familiar world was nothing like what he was experiencing here. Afraid that Mara would tell him he was doing things wrong, Phil glossed over those strange differences, explaining to her instead how he and Dan were struggling to find their place in each other’s lives, and how everything had seemed to be going fine right up until that morning, when Dan had jerked away from Phil and acted as though Phil had done something wrong.

The longer Phil spoke, though, the more Mara seemed to grow uncomfortable, as if she didn’t like where the conversation was going, as if it hit too close to home for her or something. Phil watched the subtle changes in her demeanour, the way she seemed to shut down rather than give Phil advice, and felt his heart ache a little for her. Phil suddenly wondered if being in the human world with her witch had been just as a much a struggle for her as it had been for Phil, if the familiar world had actually failed to teach any of them anything right.

Too afraid to push, or go into more detail, or ask Mara about her own experiences, Phil merely trailed off instead, shifting and staring sadly at his paws, because even his friend couldn’t seem to help him.

He didn’t know what she’d been through, but it still kind of hurt to see her clamming up on him for no apparent reason, just as Dan had done to him that morning.

Was Phil just destined to fail at any and all relationships he attempted to form? He didn’t know.

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Mara. I just... want him to be happy, Phil finished, trailing off completely then.

Mara hummed sympathetically, and ruffled her wings, finally uncurling herself a little and appearing more alert, more understanding. Maybe he's just not ready for all that you want, she suggested. Try and take it slow? she asked, unsure herself, and walking along her perch carefully, as if she were pacing.

Phil could see her mind whirling, could see that she had struggled with something similar, and hope blossomed in him. Her and PJ’s relationship appeared strong. If she’d gotten through it, surely Dan and Phil could too?

So he brightened up and grinned at his friend, finally sitting back up and staring happily at her.

You’re right, he agreed, I just need to calm down. We both probably need some time apart right now, it’ll be fine. Did you want to do something? he asked, hoping his friend wasn’t planning on kicking him out.

Of course! Mara piped up immediately, grinning. I think we need to get your mind off of things. Familiars need friends too, you know, she said, and insisted on Phil helping her get the TV on so they could watch something together and Mara could help explain some of the human things she'd learned since finding PJ.

**

The day absolutely inched past for Dan.

For the first few hours without Phil, Dan tried to distract himself. He knew there were activities he could do on his own in the flat - after all, he'd lived alone all his adult life, and he liked it that way. He'd never really felt lonely before, and he'd certainly never pined after a specific person. Dan had always been okay on his own.

So why was it suddenly so difficult?

Dan started off by picking up his favourite book series, the one he'd been going to lend Phil that was still sitting on the coffee table. It didn't matter how often he tried to lose himself in the familiar story, though, because all Dan could think about was what Phil would think of this story when he read it (if he ever even did), or whether Phil's favourite characters would line up with Dan's, or if he would laugh and cry at all the same points that Dan always did.

He gave up after half an hour, frustrated. The book landed back on the coffee table, and Dan went to his desk and pulled out his notebook. If nothing else, he could at least try to be productive in his own time, and there were some equations he'd been neglecting. Only then, sitting down and working made him think of when Phil sat with him and helped him figure out his missing pieces, and then he remembered how that had led to his near-rejection of Phil, and that was not a happy thought.

No. Dan needed a proper distraction.

He went down to the shop after a while, deciding that maybe his usual routine would help him settle in. PJ sent him a worried look, but Dan dodged him, busying himself with customers before PJ could come over. The rhythm of work was an easy one to fall back into, and Dan spent several hours tending to burns and bruises, cuts and scrapes, whipping up his magic where necessary and sorting through their stock of ready-made potions and recipes to sell.

Every few minutes, though, Dan would find himself turning around to ask Phil for his opinion on a recipe, or what he thought would be the best cure for this person's burned arm, only to remember that Phil wasn't there. Even their bond had reduced to a near-silent hum.

Every time he remembered his lack of Phil, Dan's focus would slip. He dropped four test tubes, three glass containers, and seven urns, all in the space of three hours. As he cursed the spillage of a brand new potion, Dan announced he was headed to his greenhouse, only for PJ to intervene with a firm grip to Dan's arm.

"You are going upstairs," PJ ordered.

Dan glared at him. "I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not," PJ snorted, "And I'm not letting you go near any potentially poisonous plants right now."

Belatedly, Dan realised PJ was probably right. He allowed himself to be tugged towards his stairs, though he glared with every step.

At the bottom of the stairs, PJ faced Dan with a stern look. "I don't know what's happened between you and Phil, but you need to sort it out."

Dan's eyes widened. "How did you--"

"He came through here earlier. Went to talk to Mara." PJ sent Dan a hard stare. "Don't screw this up, Dan. Please. I care about you, alright?"

Dan swallowed passed a sudden lump in his throat. He nodded once, roughly, and then turned and disappeared back up the stairs before PJ could say anything else damaging. Phil had to come back at some point, right? Dan would be ready for him. He had to make sure he was prepared to fix this mess, and do whatever it took to make Phil happy again. That was all that Phil deserved.

**

Phil learned a lot from Mara, who sat up high on her perch in her birdcage while Phil lounged around on the bed in the middle of the room he was certain PJ was usually in. It smelled mostly like him, but also a little like Mara, and Phil settled in at the very edge in a content little ball of fur. He even managed to purr, happy to have the sound back in his vocabulary. His tail beat against the bed, and he laughed at some of the stranger things that occurred in Mara's favorite TV shows. He was more than a little put out by some of the more intense scenes, but Mara didn't seem to notice, cawing in glee when her favourite characters got together.

Overall, Phil enjoyed his time with Mara, enjoyed learning and seeing and discovering new terms for things that Dan had yet to have the chance to teach him about. He thought he was in fact doing well enough that he might surprise Dan with his new knowledge, and felt hope swelling in his chest at the chance to go home and see how Dan was doing now. He was hoping that the space they'd had apart from each other for the day might have helped Dan to feel more secure or open to talking again, and if he didn't, Phil hoped that he at least would want to cuddle and spend some time together again. For as much as Phil enjoyed Mara's company, and had missed her in the years she'd been gone from him, he missed Dan more.

He could feel the ache for Dan like a phantom limb, and he buried his face in his paws each time he tried to turn and ask Dan about the strange things occurring on TV now. Instead, he had to turn to Mara to ask the question, constantly reminded that he was fighting with Dan and that he'd have to wait until things were better to have this back with his preferred friend. It was good to catch up with Mara, though, and Phil didn’t regret it in the least.

You must come see me more often, Phil. Once my wings are better, I'd even be happy to come visit you, she said, seeming excited about it. I do hope things work out with Dan. He's always been a strange man, she said, cawing and sounding a little affronted by him. Phil wasn't surprised. Dan didn't seem to like Mara much either.

After promising to come back soon, Phil finally popped back home, landing out in the greenhouse in his search for Dan. A little scared to be in there as a cat, Phil concentrated until he'd turned human once more, and then began to look around. When he didn't find Dan after two rounds, he headed into Dan's shop, surprised to see PJ looking a little harassed and annoyed, casting glances upstairs as if he was worried for Dan. When he caught sight of Phil again, he nodded him upstairs, and Phil did as he was instructed to go to his witch.

He ached for Dan.

Still a little bit scared, Phil knocked on the door rather than just walking right in.

**

Dan spent the afternoon lounging in his flat, forbidden from going back to work with PJ, but unable to enjoy his rare time off. Everything he did tasted like ash. No book could hold his attention for long, and no potion could even lift him out of his thoughts, so in the end Dan simply flicked on the TV for background noise and thought.

If Phil didn’t come back by tonight, Dan decided to head over to PJ's house to fetch him. He couldn't bear the thought of spending a night alone in his flat, not when already the space felt too large without Phil in it.

But...at the same time, Dan couldn't imagine Phil cuddled up to him in bed, either. Every time he remembered it, his chest tightened until it was hard to breathe, but it felt nothing like the good nervous excitement he was supposed to feel.

No. It felt restricting, and terrifying, and made Dan want to run.

He hadn't felt like this yesterday. Dan was sure of it. Yesterday, he'd wanted to hold Phil, to have him close, and he'd truly meant it when he asked Phil to share the bed with him that night. Only… something had changed between then and this morning, and Phil was the one suffering for it.

Dan had to apologise, he knew, and he had to make Phil see that this wasn't his fault at all. If Phil would even talk to him. Dan groaned, running a palm over his face as he tried and failed to lose himself in the TV.

When the knock at the door sounded, Dan jolted instantly upright. Every fibre of his being lit up in the hope that this would be Phil, but he tried to clamp that down. This could just as easily be PJ come to check on him.

Dan made his way to the door in a hurried flurry, almost tripping over the coffee table when he stood up too quickly, and wrenched the door open. Phil was standing outside. Actual, human Phil, in his human body, not the cat form he'd taken earlier.

Dan blinked, his surprise showing through without him meaning it to. He'd been expecting Phil as a cat, pictured stroking his fur as he tried to explain what was going on in his head. But if Phil had human arms that could hold him back… that sent fear swooping in his stomach again.

Still, Dan stepped aside quickly, gesturing for Phil to come in as he said, "Phil! I'm so glad you're home." And it was true, even if Dan's hands were trembling with nerves. Even being back in the same room was helping to calm the dull ache that had accompanied him all day.

When Dan answered the door, Phil could see the surprise on his face, the fear flashing in his eyes, and suddenly it was like that morning all over again - false cheer, and Dan trying too hard to avoid hurting Phil's feelings. Phil suddenly wished he was a cat again, but in his nervousness and fear of Dan, he was too terrified to be intimate by changing forms in front of Dan, the way he'd hadn't cared about doing so beforehand.

Swallowing roughly, Phil carefully made his way inside Dan's home - he couldn't even think of it as his own just then.

Mouth set in a hard frown, Phil miserably made his way to the sofa, and sat down gingerly on the very end.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm home," he agreed lightly, head bowed and long fringe covering his eyes. He could feel Dan settling down at the other end of the sofa, and tried not to let that hurt.

The bond felt wide open between them again. Phil could feel Dan's anxiety and nervousness, ached to reach over and tug Dan into a hug to reassure him. Instead, he turned to glance at Dan, and this time really did whimper, his heart breaking at the way Dan seemed to be flinching away from Phil. In a desperate attempt to make things alright again, Phil reached over and pressed his palm over Dan's hand only for Dan to flinch so violently, he practically slapped Phil.

Phil shot up in an instant, then, making a small, petrified mewling sound before he was rushing off in an attempt to find a safe corner of the room to hide in. He rushed backwards, gaze half on Dan, half behind him as he tried to get away, terrified that he was going to do something wrong again and Dan might hurt him. His back collided with a wall, and Phil sunk down, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face there.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried.

It was heartbreaking, utterly heartbreaking, to see Phil backing away from Dan like that, so desperate to get away. Dan floundered, confused and horrified that he'd made Phil feel like that. He'd made Phil afraid of him, because that's all that was pulsing through their bond right now - fear and pain, fear that Dan was going to hurt him.

"No, no, no," Dan cried desperately, torn apart from the terrified whining sound that Phil had made. "No, I won't hurt you, Phil, I promised never again! Sh, sh, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Dan put his hands up quickly, and crouched down so he was level with where Phil had curled up in a corner, though he left plenty of space between them.

Phil had only been trying to fix things, but Dan couldn't bear to be touched just then. His skin was still crawling, but it wasn't Phil's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It just… was.

"Phil, please, listen to me," Dan begged, his throat catching, and he kept his eyes trained on Phil even though his heart broke at the fear and pain written there. "Phil, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just - I want you around, I want you near me, just… not like that." His nose wrinkled, and he squeezed his eyes closed, trying desperately to explain. "I wanted it last night, but today I just… I don't know why, but I can't. I can't make myself want to hold you again and I don't know why. You didn't do anything. I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me," he finished miserably, and opened his eyes to meet Phil's gaze again.

Dan's voice was desperate as he moved to try and comfort Phil, crouching down at Phil's level a few feet away from him. Terrified as he was, Phil whimpered and drew his feet, his legs, closer to his body, hiding away in the dark cavern his knees and arms had created. "You don't want me anymore," he whined, practically begging for Dan to say Phil was wrong.

He couldn't even care about the fact that Dan had practically hit him, nor could he consider the fact that he was terrified Dan might do it again in a fit of rage. He was too busy drowning in the terror that Dan already regretted having accepted Phil into his life. He was half planning a trip far, far away, left wandering alone until he merely fizzled out of existence the way the wrong familiar might do when he bonded on the wrong witch, and half begging Dan to tell him everything was okay, all while Dan continued speaking, his voice low and frantic and desperate.

Slowly, Phil lifted his head, peering out at Dan from the top of his arms. His witch sounded like he was about to cry, like he was in just as much confused pain as Phil was, and like it was breaking his heart to be hurting Phil at all. Phil's mouth quivered, and he felt it as the tears spilled down his cheeks, but he didn't know what to say. How could someone just... not want something anymore when they'd wanted it less than eight hours before? Phil didn't understand, but he ached to, and he was clinging to Dan's promise that none of this was Phil's fault. He choked on a small whine, a small sob, and nearly got up to climb into Dan's arms, but Dan flinched away again, and Phil sagged back into the wall, closing his eyes against his own pain.

"I just - I just want you to hold me," Phil begged, even as he knew it wasn't fair. He flinched away from Dan as he moved closer this time, and shook his head. "Don't touch me," he said, and closed his eyes again. "I don't - I don't want you upset. Please. I'm sorry. I don't want to be selfish, I just - it hurts and I don't - I don't understand."

There was a strange mix of relief and rejection when Phil flinched away from Dan's attempt to comfort him, which Dan knew was entirely unfair on his part. He was the one freaking out about this, and Phil was just doing his best to accommodate Dan, even when Dan had been so horrible and rude to him right from the start of the day. But he didn't mean to. Dan had been trying to pretend he was okay for Phil's sake, so that he could just wait this weirdness out and hope he got back to liking cuddles again, but Phil had seen right through him.

"I'm sorry," Dan tried, his voice breaking again. He sat miserably on the floor, still too far away from Phil, and sniffed. It was weird, because he missed holding Phil, wished more than anything to reach out and hold him, but his skin crawled again at the thought, and Dan screwed his face up, feeling tears threatening to spill. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get anything right with Phil?

"I want you, Phil, of course I do," Dan tried again to explain, his head a confused welter of emotion. "I've been pining after you all day. I want you here, so much, of course I do, Phil, I love you." He bit his lip quickly, but the words escaped anyway. He hadn't meant to first say those words in a situation like this, but he was so full with the emotion and with no other way to express it that the words had just slipped out.

"I love you," he said again, quietly, staring down at the floor. "I do. It's just… sometimes I want to show it by hugging you and holding you, like yesterday. But then… then there are times like this when I… just don't. I still feel exactly the same about you, it's just like… like I can't express it that way anymore." Dan sniffed loudly and drew in a shaky breath.

"Why can't I do it? I never, ever want to hurt you, and this is hurting you, why can't I just… fix it? I don't understand," he confessed, still staring at the floor.

Dan loved him. Dan loved him.

Phil's eyes went wide, and despite the tears rolling down his cheeks, he found himself beginning to smile a little, staring at Dan with a newfound hope and respect. Phil had known that Dan loved him, of course he had - he could feel it. But it was an entirely different thing to have Dan say it aloud for the first time, and it was making Phil's stomach do those little flippy things, and it was the best feeling in the world. He wished he could reach out and touch Dan, pull him in and pepper his face in happy kisses, but he knew he couldn't. Not now.

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Dan had been pining after him, but he could feel it, now that his own emotions weren’t so out of control and all over the place anymore. He could feel Dan's despair, and how he'd been waiting for Phil to come home all day. Some of the moroseness in Phil left him, then, and he just watched Dan while he tried to take in his words.

The last thing Phil had wanted to do was cause Dan to fall apart himself, hating himself for something it seemed he couldn't quite control. Frowning again, Phil uncurled his body, but didn't approach Dan. "I love you, too," he whispered. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to help, but he was shoving the part of him that ached to be held to the back of his mind so he could be there for Dan instead. "I'm sorry. Please - please don't cry," he begged. He could see Dan wiping at his eyes, sniffling as he avoiding Phil's gaze, and he just... didn't want that for Dan.

"It's okay, Dan, it's not - it's not your fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out," Phil begged, biting his lips nervously again as Dan looked back up at him. "If this is a thing for you, that's okay," he insisted, despite having just made Dan feel as if it was not. "I just - I just need to... understand you, that's all," he added. "I can... I can be okay with that if I understand. I just - I just... I thought you were regretting me," he insisted, and found himself crying all over again.

Dan took in a deep, shuddering breath, relief swarming over him. Hearing Phil say that he loved Dan, too, was enough to calm him down a bit, even as he still swam through a confused mess of emotion. He had no idea how they were going to resolve this, but - but at least Phil was still here? That had to mean something. He hadn't walked out on Dan, despite the mess that Dan's life honestly was.

At Phil's last words, Dan's head shot up and he grasped for Phil's hand, holding it carefully without tugging him closer. "I don't regret you," Dan promised instantly, his voice firm despite the crackle of his crying. "Phil, I would never regret you. This is nothing you've done, you hear me? You're amazing, you've been amazing." He rubbed his thumb against Phil's palm, gently, knowing this was a soft enough touch, distant enough not to spark off the panic in his chest again.

If Phil wanted to understand, then… then maybe Dan could try to explain it. He settled cross-legged on the floor and let out a sigh, still holding tight to Phil's hand. "Honestly, I… I don't really get it myself. Sometimes I think about hugging you, or holding you, or having your arms around me, and it's all I want. I was like that yesterday. I meant every single thing I said, Phil, you have to believe that," Dan implored, looking at him with wide eyes.

He bit his lip, glancing down at the floor again. "It's… hard to explain. I don't know why, I just know that sometimes… sometimes being that close to someone, it makes me feel trapped. Panicked. I panic, like I did this morning, but it isn't your fault. I think I've always been this way. Like, when you first showed up? When you were a cat?" Dan bit his lip. "Sometimes I would have you in my lap, and it was great. But sometimes I kept my distance. I thought it was just because I wasn't ready, but… but I think maybe I just go through phases?" Dan shrugged unhappily. "I don't know why. I don't know how to fix it, Phil. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I want to be a good witch for you. I… I care about you, Phil."

Phil was so, so careful. When Dan reached out and grabbed his hand, he didn't react - he didn't flinch, or ask for more, or even hold Dan back. He just... let Dan take what he needed to take, terrified he was going to do something wrong and Dan might react physically violently again. Phil knew Dan wasn't a violent person. He could see all of his soul if he wanted too, had seen all of his soul on one occasion, and knew beyond a doubt that Dan would hate himself for hurting Phil anymore than he already had. Thinking clearly now, he knew that Dan would never hurt him, but he also understood that whatever was going on, it was making Dan react in ways he wouldn't normally.

It felt nice to have Dan stroking his fingers over Phil's hand, though, and he enjoyed the touch enough that he was able to keep completely still, just watching the way Dan tried to reassure him and promise him that he'd meant all he'd said last night, when Phil had thought everything was going to be okay. It still was, he was determined for it to be okay, and he was going to fix this if it was the last thing he did.

"I believe you," Phil promised Dan, reassuring and comforting as best as he could.

It was a lot to take in, Dan's explanation, but Phil was doing his damn best, trying to wrap his head around the idea that sometimes, being close to Phil made Dan unhappy, uncomfortable, and other times, it made him feel good. Phil knew what Dan was getting at. He'd felt the good, happy, warm feeling that had filled Dan when Phil touched him, knew that Dan wasn't lying and that yesterday he had been okay with Phil touching him, and then he remembered the fear and panic from this morning, and finally, it clicked. Phil really hadn't done anything wrong. Dan just... Dan just needed space sometimes. Phil could give him space.

His eyes went wide as Dan said he wanted to be a good witch for Phil, and he felt his heart break, fingers twitching in Dan's palm.

"You are a good witch," Phil murmured. "Dan," he urged, trying to make him look up at Phil. "Dan, you are a good witch. You are everything to me, you've given me everything. You're allowed to have needs, too. Our needs aren't always going to add up. That's okay," he stressed, thinking back to what Mara had said that afternoon, before Phil had left, about how sometimes, both the familiar and the witch needed time apart, or didn't crave the same things. Unlike how Phil had grown up, he was learning that his needs mattered too, and that it took more than just his witch to give him everything.

People's emotions, Phil's included, weren't always peachy. Things wouldn’t always be good.

"You're a good witch regardless of if you hurt me sometimes. We're going to hurt each other sometimes. But this? This is okay. It doesn't hurt so much now that I understand it's not me." Phil bit his lip, wishing he could go to Dan, but holding himself back despite how much he wanted a hug. He could have a hug when it wouldn't lead to Dan feeling pressured and trapped.

"Why - why don't I feel like that?" Phil asked. "I'm meant to be just like you. I... maybe I'll understand when it happens to me?" he asked, considering. For a moment, he wondered if it ever would, and then, as if something had clicked inside of him, he realized that it would. If it happened to Dan with no rhyme or reason, then he was sure it would happen to him that way as well. There was no doubt in Phil’s mind that there would come a time when he would understand exactly how Dan was feeling, because Phil had always experienced things just the same way as Dan did.

Dan looked like he was about open his mouth, frowning like he was about to disagree, so Phil cut him off before he could. "It’s gonna happen to me, Dan. I know it will. I was made from you. I was made to fit you perfectly. If there are times when you don't want to be touched... surely there will be times when I don't want that either. Let's just... take it one day at a time, one problem at a time. How can I be there for you when you feel like this?"

Dan had never been more grateful for Phil than when he simply sat still, not pushing anything onto Dan no matter that Dan could feel through the bond how much Phil wanted to move towards him, to seek physical reassurance that Dan couldn't give him right now without panicking. He'd never been more grateful, because Phil was letting Dan take his time and take things at his pace, and Dan's heart burst with affection for him then.

He listened as Phil explained, and thought he understood. Witches and familiars were literally made for each other, made from each other. Their personalities were designed to match up, so if Dan felt like this… then Phil must feel like it too - at some point. Dan vowed that if should that happen, he'd make a point to be understanding, just like Phil was being with him. Phil still thought he was a good witch, even despite everything that had happened, despite everything he'd done. Dan could still be enough, even like this. That was… incredible, honestly.

"I still want to be with you, even like this," Dan confessed quietly. "And I want you to be happy and comfortable. I never want to hurt you, Phil, not ever. I know you said you believed me and that's really important, but you have to tell me if I do something that hurts you." The memory of Phil flinching away in fear still stung like a fresh wound, and Dan was determined never to let that happen again.

Phil hadn't realised just how much he needed to hear that Dan still wanted to be with him, still wanted to have him around, even when he couldn't bear to be touched, until he'd said the words, sending heat and happiness in equal measure through Phil. Phil's lips quirked happily again, and he felt his heart soar as he looked at Dan.

"I promise," Phil said. "I promise to always tell you when you hurt me. But it's not always going to be your fault. We're both... human. We'll make mistakes," Phil tried to explain. He didn't want Dan to carry around all this guilt and pressure to never do anything wrong when it was normal for both of them to do things that might upset the other. It was a part of life, and it didn't matter so much if they worked together to make it better. "As long as we always make it right, it's okay to get angry or to possibly hurt each other, Dan," he explained.

Dan bit his lip, tempted to argue, but he knew that Phil was right. It was natural for people to hurt each other by accident, and sometimes they would have fights and disagreements and it would take time to sort them out. As long as they were honest with each other, though, Dan thought they could work everything out. Dan had to stop panicking about these things and start talking to Phil. Phil would listen, after all.

Eventually, Dan sat back, and he glanced around, still keeping Phil's hand in his. "Let's just - we could sit on the couch? Tell me about your day. I want to know how you are - PJ said you went to see the raven?" Dan tried to ignore the small flare of jealousy that thought made rise in him, instead getting to his feet with a gentle tug on Phil's hand, leading him carefully to the sofa. "And you figured out how to become a cat? How did you do that?"

Eventually, Dan was leading Phil up and over to the couch, settling them both down carefully, and asking so many questions about Phil's day that Phil was finally beginning to understand just how much Dan had not liked Phil being so far away. It made him smile, and laugh, unable to help enjoying the fact that Dan didn't like not knowing every part of Phil's day.

"I went to visit Mara, yes. She... she helped me to understand that things aren't as they taught as back home,” he explained, though she hadn’t said as much. Her reactions to Phil’s problems had shown him that she was encountering the same misunderstandings though, which had been reassuring. “She helped me understand that a familiar’s life with their witch is all about compromise, as well, and she told me to just give you some time,” he said.

“We watched some movies and TV shows that taught me about human culture. It was fun,” he added, wanting to say it wasn’t as fun as it would have been with Dan, but not wanting Dan to feel pressured or anything like that. Phil would always be willing to give Dan space.

“Mara’s wings got burnt from our magic, so that’s why she hasn’t been around much lately. She was too close to our magic when we fixed everything, and she can't fly well right now, so she's been staying at home. I think she misses PJ when he's gone," Phil said. "I missed you, too," he added, so Dan wouldn't think that Phil didn’t feel exactly the same. "I thought of you all day. I just... wanted to give you space."

He perked up again as Dan mentioned how Phil had figured out how to go back and forth between his forms, and nodded his head eagerly. "I just did what you said. I pictured myself as a cat, and I just - let my magic work by instinct. Like a muscle being stretched," he said, giggling. "Thank you for teaching me how to become myself again. I missed it,"

Dan settled himself into the sofa, listening as Phil started talking about his day. He was glad Phil had enjoyed himself, despite the slight modicum of jealousy that Dan might feel. He could have watched TV with Phil and taught him about human culture, too. Still, at least Phil had missed him. Dan was a bad person, but that made him feel a little better. He needed to stop being so possessive of Phil, even if part of him wanted to keep Phil all to himself forever. Dan just… liked Phil's company, that was all.

"Sounds like you had a good day, though I admit, I missed you too," Dan answered with a soft smile. He'd kept his hand linked in Phil's, but that was the only part of them touching on the sofa, and Dan finally felt like he could breathe again. There was nothing trapping him. Phil wasn't going to push him. It was… alright that he felt like this, miraculously.

He turned to Phil, pricking up with interest when he mentioned that Dan's idea for turning back into a cat had worked. He gave Phil's hand a squeeze. "That's great! It was nice to see your fur again. You're so much softer in that form." Dan's lip twitched, and he surveyed Phil, noting the tear stains on his cheeks. Dan grimaced. He hadn't meant to do that, so, carefully, he reached up with his free hand and thumbed them away.

"You can be a cat if you're more comfortable," Dan said softly, retracting his hand again. "I don't… I don't want to stop you. I just want you happy. However that will be. And it's brilliant if you can switch forms whenever you want now."

Phil was biting his lips as Dan reached up to stroke the tear stains from his cheeks away, the pad of his thumb soft and comforting against Phil's skin. He stayed completely still, however, not wanting to frighten Dan no matter how badly he wanted to lean into the touch. His eyes slipped closed, though, just soaking in the comfort of that touch, soaking in the reassurance that Dan still loved him.

Dan still loved him. Phil would be okay. They could get through days like this. Phil would never pressure Dan for anything more than he could give him. Besides, Dan had already agreed to Phil's limitations - he still shuddered at the mental image of people touching like that. He didn't like it, felt more than just a little repulsed by it, and while he knew that Dan agreed, was relieved that Dan had never fought to push him for more. Phil would never push Dan, either.

"I don't know how I'm more comfortable," Phil admitted softly. "But I think, right now... I'd be happier as a cat," he agreed, blushing a little as he considered the change. "I uhm. I don't know what it will look like to you when - but uhm. Is it okay if I change here?" he asked. He'd spent enough time away from Dan, he didn't really want to leave now. "I'm happy in both forms, now that I'm accustomed to this one, but... I think right now, I'd feel safer as a cat."

Dan looked up, his eyes narrowing a bit. What exactly did Phil mean by not knowing how he would look while changing? Dan frowned, mulling that over, until his eyes popped wide. Of course. Phil had been naked the first time he became human, maybe his clothes would just disappear when he was transforming again? Dan swallowed. He didn't want to make Phil uncomfortable, but Phil was asking to change here.

"Of course you can," Dan agreed quickly, flashing Phil a quick look. "I can - I can turn around if you're worried about that." He hoped Phil knew that Dan would never look if Phil didn't want him to, besides the fact that Dan didn't really have any desire to look. He wanted Phil near, though, and was pleased that Phil didn't want to leave him alone either.

"It might be easier when you're a cat for me, too," Dan confessed quietly, hoping he wouldn't offend Phil. But if Phil wanted to be a cat - well, it might be more natural for the both of them. After all, touching a cat didn't carry all the weird connotations that touching another human did, and Dan thought his sudden onset of revulsion might not carry across to an animal form. Besides, he'd kind of missed Phil's purring.

The second Dan reassured Phil that he could change in front of Dan, without having to leave the room, he was relaxing. It made it all the better to hear that Dan wanted to turn around, that he was willing to do so in order to give Phil that bit of privacy he needed, wanted, craved while also not forcing Phil to leave Dan's side. He really truly didn't know what it would look like when he changed, if he'd be naked in front of Dan, or worse, if his soul would be exposed in a visible and much more intimate way than when Dan felt it through the bond, and he was grateful to know that Dan was not going to push that.

"Thank you," he murmured, blushing. "I - I would appreciate it if you turned around," Phil agreed, wondering if Dan knew exactly what Phil was afraid would be exposed should Dan watch his magic work through his body. Dan nodded easily, though, and turned his back on Phil, waiting patiently with his hands in his lap. Phil inhaled deeply, but didn't have a second to change before Dan was speaking again.

His lips quirked on the admission, and he ached to reach out and touch Dan's shoulder in reassurance, but he didn't. "I know. I thought... I thought it might be good for both of us. I thought... you might prefer me as a cat right now," he whispered, and then he was closing his eyes and concentrating. He could feel it as the magic crawled over him again, felt it as the change began, and winced a little at the feeling of his magic being stretched so suddenly again. Clearly, changing twice in less than an hour was not the best option for future reference then, but it wasn't unbearable as his body contorted and shrunk until he was opening his eyes as a cat once again. He stood up with a quiet meow to alert Dan it was safe now, and shook himself, fur puffing up. Phil lifted his paw to lick at it and smooth over his ear, and felt a rush of happiness that he could do that again.

"Oh, this is nice," he admitted, actually feeling happy rather than upset and able to enjoy his feline form fully this time.

Dan's lips twitched at the idea of Phil changing partly to make Dan happy. He knew Phil enjoyed being a cat, too, or Dan would be complaining that Phil didn't always need to be changing himself just to suit Dan's needs. Still, if both their desires added up at the moment, then Dan wasn't going to complain.

He obediently kept his back turned, even though he was tempted to turn and see the magic at work. He could feel the strength of it burning at his back. No wonder PJ's raven had been burned by standing too close to their magic - Dan made a mental note to apologise to PJ about that, later. Dan had a lot to apologise to PJ about.

At the sound of a meow, Dan instantly turned around, and there sat the black fluffy shape that had first invaded Dan's life. Dan was grinning before he noticed it, especially as Phil sounded so much more content already. "I'm tempted to argue and say that being a human is much better," Dan teased, trying to lighten the mood a little, "But… I admit, you're kind of cute like that."

Dan patted the sofa beside him invitingly, settling back. He watched those bright blue eyes in the black cat's face that told him without denial that this was still definitely Phil. Besides, their bond was still buzzing away happily, much to Dan's pleasure.

Phil rolled his eyes good naturedly, tail swaying slowly across the part of the sofa his human body had been pressed against earlier. Dan was never going to let the whole human thing go, was he?

"There are some things that require a cat to do," Phil huffed, settling down to press his face to his paws. His limbs trembled as Dan patted the space next to him, though, and before he could reconsider it, his mind was screaming go to him, and he was lifting his body to make his way to Dan's side. Instantly, he was curling up against Dan's thigh, back to Dan as he pressed his face on top of his paws again.

Dan's hand came down to rest gently in his fur, and Phil practically melted, instantly beginning to purr as his body relaxed and his breathing evened out. He'd forgotten how amazing it was to have Dan's fingers carding over his fur, how amazing it was to feel small and soft and secure. There was something about being a cat that relaxed Phil, made him feel safe, and his eyes half closed as Dan stroked his fingers over him.

There was truly nowhere he'd rather be.

Dan couldn't suppress his smile when Phil melted into the cushions next to him. He'd missed the soft sensation of fur beneath his fingers, missed how Phil was small and funny and really quite adorable like this. His ears twitched, and his tail waved, and his paws fit perfectly tucked under his chin as he curled up in a ball by Dan's leg.

Dan ran his fingers gently over Phil's back, watching the fur smooth under his touch as Phil purred loudly. He grinned. "Now there's a sound I've missed." To tease it out even further, Dan moved his hand up to Phil's head, scratching at the spot just behind his ear that he remembered Phil having a fondness for before.

Predictably, Phil's purring only increased. Dan chuckled a little, concentrating his petting there and looking quite delighted with himself. "Maybe being a cat isn't quite so bad, then. Much as being human is useful, I think I'd miss your purring if you never changed back."

It wasn't fair. Dan wasn't playing fair. It was obvious he liked the sound of Phil's purr, and Phil was happy to give it to him, but he couldn't contain himself when Dan was scratching behind his ear in that spot that he liked more than anything. Automatically, the sound erupted more abruptly from Phil, and he couldn't even control it, body trying to encourage Dan to keep scratching him right there. He tilted his head into Dan's touch, and started to lead him where he wanted him to go, trying to get all the spots he'd missed having scratched as Dan laughed behind him.

It got to the point where Phil had to stand up, arching his back into Dan's fingers, and practically melting again at the sensation of Dan's fingernails digging in right where he wanted them, until finally, Dan was pressing his nails in just above Phil's tail. At that point, Phil could feel himself drooling, his purring so loud he thought the neighbors could hear it, and his eyes were half lidded as Dan practically worshipped his body. It felt so good to be scratched, to be petted, to be taken care of and loved without reservation. If this was the way to fix Dan's dislike of touching Phil when Phil needed it, then he could live with that.

Finally, Phil settled back down next to Dan's thigh, all curled up with his back to Dan again, and began to nap.

Love you, he whispered into Dan's mind. Missed you, he added, because he could feel that Dan needed to know that.

Dan was holding back his laughter as best he could, though a few chuckles escaped through the cracks. He couldn't help it. Phil was so cute as he all but pushed himself into Dan's fingers, and Dan quite happily scratched at his fur, paying particular attention to whichever spots Phil guided him to and grinning when they made Phil purr even louder.

He sighed at the whispered words into his mind. He hadn't quite realised how much he needed to hear that until Phil was telling him. He was loved, and missed, despite everything, and hearing it in that special way through their secret bond only made it that much sweeter.

Dan responded by suddenly reaching out and scooping Phil up into his lap. He held him there, gently, his hands so large they wrapped all the way around Phil's slim black body. I know, he answered in his mind, gentle fingers holding Phil carefully, giving him enough freedom to leave if he wanted. Love you too. I'm sorry for today.

Oh. Phil liked the way that felt, having Dan suddenly reaching for him and scooping him into his arms, cradling him gently in his lap while he spoke through the bond. He closed his eyes and lay there, sagging into Dan's grip, and grinned. He could still feel himself drooling, and felt kind of bad when it dripped onto Dan's skin, but was too lazy to move let alone make himself comfortable. He'd rather have Dan holding him like this anyway, his legs and little paws twitching as he really started to nap, resting his face against Dan's tummy. He felt like a rag doll, but Dan didn't seem to mind, and with the reassurance that everything really was going to be okay, Phil allowed himself to go into that deep sleep that cats so rarely did.

It only seemed natural, really, to cuddle Phil once he'd fallen asleep. After all, he was warm, and incredibly comforting against Dan's lap. But Phil was curled up a little bit awkwardly, so Dan lifted him gently up to his chest, sliding down until he was lying horizontally on his couch with his long legs hanging off the end.

Once Phil was re-situated against Dan's chest, Dan nuzzled his chin against Phil's fur and closed his eyes, joining him in a nap. He left one hand curled over Phil's back, his other resting lightly on his stomach. For the first time that day, his brain was completely calm.

**

Phil woke up ages later now cradled on Dan's chest. His witch was still laying on the couch, with his neck at an awkward angle, and Phil's fur pressed up under his chin, almost like Dan had needed the reassurance of Phil's body heat pressed all over him and had purposefully moved him to lounge across his chest. Phil stretched, nails catching on Dan's t-shirt, and then relaxed again as he stood up. Dan couldn't sleep like this. What had he been thinking?

Even filled with warmth as he was to have found himself laying on Dan like that, Phil had to shake it from his mind and force himself to wake Dan up.

Dan, he nudged. "Dan," he repeated aloud, and leaned down to lick at Dan's face. "Dan," he whined, nuzzling Dan's nose with his own wet one. You can't sleep like this. Your neck is going to hurt.

Dan’s calm did not last nearly long enough. It felt like mere minutes after he’d closed his eyes that there was a warm, rough tongue running over his cheek and words nudging at his mind. Dan groaned, his face scrunching up, and he half-heartedly tried to twist away from Phil.

"Shush. Lemme sleep," he mumbled, screwing his eyes shut, but the tongue didn't stop, and nor did the voice. Eventually, Dan opened his eyes to see both of Phil's bright blue eyes hovering over him. Dan sighed, his hand lifting to scratch at the base of Phil's tail where he'd seemed to enjoy before. "What? Am I not a comfortable enough pillow for you?"

Phil's heart filled with warmth immediately, and he began to purr again as Dan immediately went for his sweet spots all over again. He arched his bum into Dan's touch, and pouted at the same time as his tongue lolled out a little in enjoyment. He couldn't seem to help how much he loved having Dan scratching at him, nor could he seem to help how much he seemed to love being touched and held with affection.

You're the best pillow, Phil reassured him, going back to licking at his face, nudged his chin because Dan had closed his eyes again. But your neck is going to hurt. I don't want you to hurt, he insisted, and pressed his face up against the bottom of Dan's chin, pushing up in an attempt to rouse him or at least get him to move his neck so it wasn't pressing over the edge of the sofa arm like that.

Come ON, he complained, and nuzzled up under Dan's neck again, licking there as well for good measure.

Okay, so licking at Dan's neck was most definitely not allowed. Up until then, Dan had been able to ignore Phil's attempts at rousing him, far too tired and comfortable to even think about moving - at least up until Phil's rough little tongue had found his neck, and then Dan’s entire body was wracked with a shock of pleasure. His eyes flew open, and he sat straight up, only to melt a bit under Phil's touch.

So that was a thing. Apparently his neck was sensitive. Dan hadn't known that before.

"Alright, fine," Dan huffed, reaching out to scoop Phil back into his arms. "You want me to move? I'm moving,” he grumbled, swinging his legs onto the floor and pausing for a moment as his head swam, letting his blood settle back into place. He cradled Phil against his chest, adding, "But I hope you know you're coming with me."

With that said, Dan got to his feet and made his way slowly over towards his bedroom. His duvet was still on the floor, so Dan deposited Phil onto his pillow, giving him a pat, before bending down to retrieve his blankets. He turned to Phil, tilting his head. "...I'm assuming you're okay with this? I promise I won't freak out in the morning, not if you're still a cat."

Dan sat up so abruptly that he nearly dislodged Phil, who immediately dug his nails into his shirt and pressed his face into Dan's neck out of fear of watching himself fall. His entire body had gone tense, and his fur was standing up on it's ends, but then Dan collapsed backwards a bit, seeming to melt under Phil's touch, and they were both laying down again. Phil much preferred this, and held back his noise of distress at being nearly dislodged like that out of sheer will.

And he still really liked it when Dan scooped him up in his arms. This was the benefit of being far smaller and more compact than Dan. Dan could so easily carry him in his arms and move him around. It was wonderfully nice to be surrounded by Dan in that kind of way.

Happy to have gotten his way, Phil merely purred and peered up at Dan from where he was cradled to the man's chest. "Okay," he agreed easily enough, as there was nothing more Phil wanted than to go everywhere with Dan. He licked at Dan's cheek when he was able to reach it, and then settled back in for the ride, purring and nuzzling Dan's chest happily. He hadn't even known how much he liked doing this until he was back in cat form and allowed to, and he thought he might just stay here for a while.

Therefore, when Dan plopped him down on a pillow and then walked away, Phil began to pout, the purring ceasing immediately. He was about to protest when Dan patted his head and went to retrieve the duvet Phil remembered having moved that morning. He settled in a little more comfortably on the pillow, but he was still pouting when Dan came back.

So okay with this, Phil promised, waiting for Dan to climb into bed with him before he moved over to settle against his side. Dan's hands came around his body and picked him up again, settling Phil on his chest instead, and Phil grinned, purring loudly as he curled up just over Dan's heart. This is my favourite place.

Dan shouldn't be surprised by Phil's clinginess anymore, but it still managed to make him grin. He never thought he'd see a cat pout, but Phil managed it. As such, Dan changed quickly, hiding behind his wardrobe door, and then he was climbing into bed and had Phil curling up on his chest again, against the soft cotton of his pyjama top.

"Alright, clingy," Dan mumbled back aloud despite Phil speaking into their bond. He lifted a hand and stroked Phil's head gently, smiling when he immediately started to purr. Dan could feel Phil's sleepiness through their bond again, though, and he was warmed by the thought that Phil was happiest curled up with Dan. His warm black body was right over Dan's heart, a lovely gentle pressure on the left side of his chest.

Goodnight, Phil. Love you, Dan murmured, his eyes drifting closed again. His hands came to rest around Phil's body, and Dan couldn't help but be relieved at how the panic from earlier had completely disappeared now that Phil was a cat again. This seemed like an actual, viable solution for whenever Dan was freaking out, and it was a way that Phil was content with. Dan hadn't dared to think that this could be fixed, but as ever, Phil had surprised him again.

Phil couldn't even bring himself to mind that Dan was teasing him and calling him clingy again, because now he'd been able to see just how distressed Dan had been all day without Phil, he understood that Dan felt just as clingy. It felt pretty natural for a familiar and their witch to be attached at the hip, so Phil decided not to get offended. Dan meant nothing by it, he could feel that, and he knew from the way that Dan kept depositing Phil in ways that forced him to cuddle more directly with Dan that Dan needed Phil just as much as Phil needed Dan.

Love you, he murmured back one last time, and then he was asleep.

(Next)

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

A Familiar Kind of Love - Chapter 15

Genre: Chaptered, ace/aro (flux and other experiences including but not limited to queerplatonic relationships), self discovery, witches, slow burn, getting together (eventually and in a mixed romantic/platonic way), RP format

Warnings: inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

Word Count: 11,811 this chapter

Thank you to @vanillasolitude who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!

Updates: Monday & Friday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(Previous) (Masterlist) (AO3)

Chapter 15

Dan tugged Phil out of his office and up through the stairs back to his own flat, dragging Phil straight to the sofa the minute they were inside.

"If it's all the same to you, I'm kind of demanding some cuddle time before you make me do sensible things like eating and sleeping,” Dan insisted, already climbing onto the sofa with Phil and curling into his side.

The second the two men entered Dan’s flat, Dan drew a laughing Phil over to the sofa, demanding they do some cuddling before they were forced to do anything else for the night. Phil couldn't even complain, sitting as Dan pushed him to the sofa, and moving his body almost on instinct to allow Dan to cuddle into him - his arm wrapped over the top of the sofa, so Dan could cradle his head in the crook of Phil's arm, chest left wide open for Dan, while Dan's arm wrapped around his waist.

It was comfortable, cuddling like this, with Dan curled up at his side and Phil just kind of sat there, staring down fondly at the man he'd always thought would be the strong one, but who was falling apart right now. Phil just wanted to put all of his pieces back together and keep him safe from the rest of the world, including himself, because it was clear now that Dan was not as strong as he made himself out to be.

"I love you, Dan," he said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head again. "I promise not to leave." He didn't expect an answer, didn't want one, and merely sighed as Dan pressed further into him.

Dan snuggled into Phil's arms, his head finding a natural resting place on Phil's chest. He hadn't been held in a very long time, and certainly by no one who could match him in height. Dan was proud of his extra inches on Phil usually, but it was also good to curl up in his arms like this and be cared for.

Having Phil around was all kinds of nice, not least of which was his calming scent or happy thoughts that always seemed to let Dan relax.

Dan froze when he heard Phil say he loved him. He could feel it in their bond, the truth of it, the affection Phil had for him washing over him, completely undeniable. Dan was loved. Despite all his mistakes and insecurities, Dan was loved by Phil, this crazy, beautiful magical creature.

And maybe Dan wasn't quite ready to say it aloud yet, but he could feel his own heart lifting and singing in response. As it was, he simply curled into Phil and pressed a tentative, shy kiss to the skin of his neck. Dan hadn't kissed Phil before - not in human form, anyway - but that was...that was nice. So he did it again, carefully, just pressing small butterfly kisses to Phil's neck.

Oh. Oh, Phil hadn't known that was something he'd like, appreciate and enjoy. Dan had kissed him when he was in cat form, sure, light pressing of lips against the top of Phil's head, just between his ears. This was different, though, and Phil couldn’t quite explain why, or what it was doing to him, but he felt so light, and good, and loved. Dan's lips pressing to his neck over and over again in shy little kisses that were clearly just as terrifying for Dan to be doing as they were for Phil to feel, sent warmth pooling through his entire body until he was giggling happily, and drawing Dan properly into his arms.

So maybe it was something that could be seen as more... intense than Phil meant it, but he couldn't help himself as he manhandled Dan properly into his lap, the same way Phil had done to him the other day. There was just something so good and floaty feeling inside of him to feel Dan giving him such open and honest affection that he couldn't help himself, needing him close so he could cuddle him properly and feel connected to him. If he could, he'd meld the two of them together, and just become one person.

"That's nice," Phil admitted, still giggling because he was just ready to burst with the happiness filling him so completely. He nuzzled Dan's neck, pressed a light kiss there himself, and sighed against the skin of Dan's neck. "That's really nice. It makes me - happy," Phil tried to explain. Kissing in the human world generally seemed to denote something more, like a prelude to that thing humans did that terrified and upset Phil just to think about, but this was nothing like that at all. It was just - it was like holding hands but better, and Phil was happy that Dan felt safe and happy enough to do that with him.

He squeezed his arms around Dan's waist, and tried not to let his overwhelming giddiness cause any more issues in the flat.

If the lights flickered for a second, well, hopefully Dan wouldn’t say anything.

Dan might have squealed a bit when he was dragged into Phil's lap, but if he did he was never going to admit to it. He kept his face pressed in Phil's neck, though, liking the way kissing there made Phil completely melt under him, dragging Dan in close. There was no panic, no discomfort. Not with this. This was… soft, and the perfect way for Dan to express his affection.

When Phil returned the gesture, a light shudder rippled down Dan's spine, and he leaned back just enough to look up into Phil's shimmering eyes. "Yeah?" he asked in a near-whisper. "It's good? You'd tell me if it was too much, right?"

Once he had Phil's reassurance, Dan nosed his way back into Phil's neck, resting his head comfortably in the nook just above his collarbone. He was undeniably comfortable. Phil's arms were around him, and Dan was nestled in close, and Phil was holding him in place with gentle strokes of his thumb against Dan's back.

"Maybe," Dan murmured, then hesitated as he followed his thoughts through. He bit his lip. Nerves were rising again, but he was so overwhelmed by Phil, by the desire to check he was okay, by the desire to be near him, that this felt right. "Maybe - if you want, if you'd be comfortable - maybe we could share my bed tonight?"

It definitely wasn't too much. It was just enough, actually. Phil didn't think he'd be comfortable with very much more, but right now, having Dan wrapped up in him, lips pressed lightly to Phil's neck, chaste kisses belying their affection for each other, he felt good, and safe, and wonderful. This was something he could do, could get used to, and he hoped it was something that Dan wanted too.

From the sounds and feel of it, it seemed like he did. His nose nuzzled against Phil's collarbones, and he cuddled back into Phil's chest, just kind of resting over him. It was nice, just laying like this. Phil rubbed his fingers into Dan's skin, sighing into the contact, hoping it felt as good to Dan as it always felt to Phil when Dan pet him, either as human or feline.

He could feel Dan's hesitation and blooming hope as he spoke on, hesitating before he rushed forward to ask Phil if he wanted to share a bed tonight. Phil's heart flipped, and he could feel himself on the precipice of overwhelming happiness, but he bit his lip and hesitated as well. He reached out to Dan a little in the bond, unsure of himself, and not wanting to invade his privacy, but feeling the need to speak to him this way instead.

Are you sure, Dan? I don't want you to feel pressured. We don't have to.

Dan may have given a slight jolt when Phil used their bond to talk to him, instead of the out loud speech that Dan had come to know so well. There was something almost intimate about hearing Phil's voice rumbling away inside his mind, just brushing the outer edge of his innermost thoughts without invading or searching where he wasn't wanted. Dan jolted only for a minute before he relaxed again, cautiously opening up his side to meet Phil in the middle.

I'm sure, he reassured Phil, and he really was. The fear he'd had about being so close to Phil had all but disappeared in the softness of Phil's arms around him. Dan gave a small sigh. It appeared that his body had been craving soft contact like his without him even knowing it, because once he'd felt Phil's fingers on his skin, it was all Dan ever wanted to feel again.

He melted into Phil's lap, into Phil's arms, and stopped his kisses in favour of lying there in Phil's embrace. His legs were wrapped around Phil's waist, his head resting in the crook of Phil's neck, his arms loosely wrapped around Phil's shoulders. In return, Phil had a good grip around Dan's hips, and he was stroking gently at Dan's back through the loose t-shirt he'd thrown on that morning.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever want to let you go, Dan whispered into their bond, almost a sigh of pleasure. I'd be quite happy if you let me stay here indefinitely.

It felt so good to have Dan saying those things to Phil that he nearly wanted to cry with happiness. A light bulb shattered in the corner of the room, and before Phil could stop himself, they were both floating a few inches off the sofa. He was blushing and laughing as he hid his face in Dan's hair, grip even tighter around his witch, and it was Dan's magic surrounding them that allowed them to settle back on the sofa, with Dan still clinging to Phil lightly and hiding in his chest. For a second, there were little mini fireworks and a rain of light confetti, and then it was all gone and Phil was laughing against Dan, his body shaking with it.

"I guess that made me happy," he admitted, still laughing as he felt Dan loosen up and laugh with him, his tenseness fading as the light jolt of fear left as well.

Phil's arms tightened around Dan as he sunk back into the sofa with a soft sigh, burying his face in Dan's hair and inhaling deeply with the intense desire to just... smell him, and keep him close.

"I want you to stay here forever," he eventually murmured. "I don't - I don't know what other familiars desire in their partners, but this is all I want. To just. Have you all to myself, and you happy to be mine."

Dan gave a startled yelp when they were suddenly floating, but he was suppressing a smile even as he rolled his eyes. He gently lowered them back down to safety, his magic pulsing and joining with Phil's, and then they were both settled on the cushions with little fireworks going off over their heads.

Dan shook his head, looking up at Phil with pure affection. "Honestly. I'm going to have to be careful about making you happy, aren't I?" His tone was warm, though, and he settled himself back into Phil's hold with his head hiding in Phil's neck again, demanding to be loved some more.

"Seriously, though, maybe we should use you to start a fireworks display," Dan mumbled. "My patients would love it." He snorted at the image of tottery Mrs Pritchard staring up in abject awe at the strength of Phil's magic, and let the image filter through their bond, figuring Phil would probably appreciate it too.

He sighed happily, and then leaned back enough that he could meet Phil's eyes again. He reached up to cup Phil's cheek and smiled at him, warm and happy and full of an emotion that Dan didn't think he'd ever feel. "Honestly, Phil, same. I just… want all of this. Nothing more, nothing less."

Dan's thought, the image he projected into Phil's mind, honestly made him laugh so hard he thought he was going to toss Dan from his body by accident. He liked the way it felt to have the pressure of Dan against his chest, sharing something intimate with him just from sharing their minds even just that tiny bit that Dan was sometimes willing to do. It was good, and it made Phil feel warm, and he truly considered for a minute that he should started a fireworks thing for Dan's patients.

"Maybe for the kids," Phil decided, humming. "I could lay in their laps as a cat and make fireworks go off around their heads," he said, imagining himself purring in their laps and watching with delight as their faces brightened at the pretty colours around them. The idea of it all made Phil shudder with happiness. There had truly been a time when he didn't think his future with Dan was quite as permanent as it currently was.

Unable to help himself, Phil pressed his lips to Dan's neck again, fluttering kisses there just because he could and it felt nice. He was surprised when Dan stopped him by reaching up and cupping his cheek, smiling at Phil and promising him that he wanted the same things.

"Just this," Phil agreed, and sighed. They didn't need any labels, but he knew that he loved Dan, and he knew that Dan loved him, and they shared each other's number one place in each other's lives. That's all Phil would ever need from Dan.

Dan's eyes clouded over at the image of Phil curled up in other people's laps. He shook himself, telling himself off for being silly, they were children for fuck's sake, but also it was kind of hard to think of Phil being held by anyone else. His eyes darkening just a little, he wrapped his arms around Phil's waist and pressed himself closer, enjoying the kisses pressed to his neck.

So maybe Dan was a bit possessive, as it turned out. Phil was his, after all.

"Just this," Dan agreed warmly, pulling himself back into the moment. He tilted his head when Phil went back to pressing kisses to his skin, liking the way a tremor ran down his spine and his chest was filled with warmth. To make it even more intense, he could feel all the same emotions firing back at him from Phil, until they were rolled up in each other's world, lost in their little comfy cocoon of happiness.

Dan knew they should be moving. There was dinner to make and the bed to get to and sleeping clothes to find for Phil, but Dan also really didn't want to move just then. He nuzzled lightly at Phil's neck, and then let himself melt into him until he was warm and heavy and pressed right against Phil's chest. I actually might just sleep here. The thought strayed, unbidden, through their bond, and Dan let it float between them with a small, upward twitch to his lips.

Phil giggled, Dan's sleepy thought drifting easily through to him in a way that showed Phil just how comfortable Dan was beginning to get with him. It made him happy, and helped him to relax now that things were settling into something okay and normal. They'd found something akin to a pattern for themselves, a middle ground where they could both be happy and comfortable. Their boundaries were light but there, and it made Phil feel just as safe as Dan.

He let the man rest against his chest for a little while more, continuing to pet at his skin, occasionally giving Dan warm kisses to the skin closest to him, and revelled in the realisation that Dan had never had this before. Phil was his one and only, just as Dan was Phil's.

"Come on," he urged when it seemed Dan was on the verge of actual sleep. "We need to eat. You're still weak from the other day, I can feel it. Food will help," Phil insisted lowly, jostling Dan awake and smiling softly at him when Dan glared. "You know that doesn't work on me," he teased, and leaned in close to press another kiss to Dan's forehead before forcing him out of his lap.

Dan grumbled loudly as he was jostled out of Phil's lap. Not even the soft kiss pressed to his forehead was enough to calm him down, and he still turned his glare on Phil once they were upright. Phil just laughed at him again, though, and even reached out to poke Dan's cheek. Dan smiled without meaning to, but it turned into a glare when Phil's finger disappeared into his dimple.

"You need to stop doing that," Dan grumbled, ducking away and batting at Phil's hand. "Fine. You want me to move, so clearly you don't want me near you right now." He poked his tongue out, teasing, and then left a large space between them as he trotted over to his kitchen.

Phil was never going to stop doing it, loving the way his finger disappeared into Dan's dimple when he smiled, seeming unable to help himself when Phil was touching him. It gave Phil happy goosebumps as he giggled, just about to curl an arm around Dan's waist and drag him in for a hug when Dan decided that Phil didn't want him near at all and sprinted away in reaction.

Mouth dropping open in horror, it took Phil a few seconds to realise Dan didn't mean it, and the teasing made him frown until he was grumbling as well - admittedly with the hopes of getting Dan to come back over here, but that seemed to fail almost instantly. Phil sighed, a little put out that he'd been the cause of them having to stop touching, feeling a little bit needy now, and followed Dan to his kitchen.

As much as Dan didn't want to admit it, Phil was right. His tiredness was beginning to catch up with him, after the whirlwind of a day spent making potions and showing off his impressive collection of plants to Phil. Dan could feel exhaustion creeping at the corners of his brain, but he waved it off for now, instead getting out some pans and deciding to cook actual meat this time. After all, he had to give Phil a full experience of human cuisine.

Dan snickered, sensing rather than seeing Phil's put-out expression as he was left without Dan's touch. Well, he had been the one to initiate this. He was just going to have to deal with Dan being away from him - at least until after they'd eaten. Then he'd be struggling to escape Dan cuddling him, to be honest.

"How does steak sound?" he asked, smirking a bit at Phil's confused look. "More human food. It's like, meat, with potatoes and veg. It's good, I promise, especially when I make it."

"Right then, are you the best cook in the world?" Phil asked, teasing Dan. "I'm sure I'll love it if you love it," he added with a small yawn, realising that he was tired as well. He'd been working so hard all day to try and prove to Dan that he could be useful and that he could learn, with hardly one cat nap amidst it all.

Speaking of cat naps, Phil really missed his cat form. He pouted, wondering if he'd ever get it back, and then sighed and sat down on the chair at Dan's kitchen counter.

"I miss being a cat," Phil complained despondently.

"Why, yes, I am the best cook actually," Dan answered with a low chuckle. "It's like brewing a potion, just with different ingredients. Not that you have anything to compare it to." He set the meat to sizzle away and roasted some veg, and then span back to glance at Phil again, pursing his lips lips at his morose expression.

"Maybe we can figure out a way for you to switch back?" Dan asked, contemplating. "Maybe if you picture being a cat, and we both sort of… focus our magic there? It might take us working together to make you switch, I'm sure you used some of my magic when you turned human out of the blue." Dan bit his lip. He wanted to try, because Phil was obviously happier as a cat, but also… Dan kind of liked Phil having arms. Then they could wrap around him.

If cooking was like brewing a potion, Phil thought he could be good at it as well. Already, the scent of cooking meat was filling the room, and Phil inhaled sharply, realising just how hungry he was. It was strange needing to eat more than once a day, but human food was also about a thousand times tastier than the clouds back home ever were, and it smelled equally amazing. He intended to stand up and go and see if he could help Dan, but then Dan was turning to him with a kind of sad looking expression.

It didn't take very long for Phil to figure out why. There was something in Dan that didn't want Phil to be a cat right now, which was a strange thought considering Phil usually felt like Dan was uncomfortable with him as a human. But even as Dan spoke, and encouraged Phil to try picturing himself as a cat while using up Dan's magic as well as his own to go back to his other form, Phil hesitated, because... well, because Phil was happy in the form that made Dan happy, and something in Dan seemed to want Phil's arms and long limbs to hold him right now.

Phil could do that. Phil could wait. Phil wanted to be comfortable in both forms eventually anyway, so he could be what Dan needed him to be, and so he could do what Dan needed him to do, far easier.

"Not yet," Phil decided. "I - I want to get comfortable in this form too. I want to be both."

Dan smiled when Phil insisted that he stay in human for a while longer to get used to it. Dan figured that was at best a half-truth; he knew that Phil had been complaining about his human body for long enough now, always wishing for his feline form again. Dan had wanted that for a while, too, but he was finally starting to get accustomed to being around Phil in this form.

And...when he'd asked Phil to join him in bed that night, he'd been imagining human arms to hold him.

Dan hid his smile by turning back to the dinner. He was sure Phil was doing this for him - making an effort to stay human because he could sense that Dan wanted that at the moment. Dan was incredibly grateful, so he didn't bring it up, only saying delicately, "Okay, we can get you used to this form some more."

After a few minutes, he laid a plate of steaming food in front of Phil and then settled down opposite him, glad that his flat at least had two of everything in case Dan ever had a guest over. Most of the furniture was woefully underused, though perhaps that would change now that Phil was around.

As before, Dan didn't eat straight away, instead watching Phil with bright eyes. He nudged his ankle under the table, grinning. "Come on. I want to see if you like this as much as the soup."

Dan didn't argue, for which Phil was grateful, not having wanted to have to explain why he was intent on staying human tonight. He could work out how to switch back and forth after he'd gotten to hold Dan some more. He was honestly excited about sharing a bed, after all, holding Dan close and letting him cuddle into Phil's chest they way he'd been doing just before Phil had nudged him awake for dinner.

Soon enough, dinner was on the table, and Phil was left staring at the piece of meat sat in the middle of his plate a little apprehensively until Dan nudged him with his toe, seeming intent on seeing Phil's immediate reaction to the meal. They'd had leftover soup for lunch, and so Phil hadn't had a chance to try anything else new yet today. The piece of meat really was intimidating, though, and Phil picked it up with his fingers slowly. Dan's brow was furrowed, like he didn't know why Phil was eating like this, but Phil ignored him to instead press his teeth delicately into the corner.

The taste, as before, struck him immediately, exploding across his tongue, and maybe it was partially that Phil was a human and therefore had more taste buds to experience things, but it was the best thing he'd ever had. He moaned in pleasure, ripping off another strip with his teeth and chewing greedily, only putting the slab of meat down once with the desire to try the veggies that Dan had prepared as well. He ate greedily, shoving the potatoes and carrots into his mouth like he wanted nothing more in the world, closing his eyes in bliss and humming happily.

"Can eating be my new job?" he requested, sighing as he swallowed his huge mouthful and finally looked up at Dan, who was handing Phil two utensils he didn't recognise. "What are these?"

Dan's lips were twitching. He couldn't help it. He should have foreseen this, really, that Phil wouldn't know about knives and forks and would just eat with his hands instead, but he hadn't expected it to be so...cute. It shouldn't be cute. It should be ugly and gross. Maybe it was Phil's expression, or the appreciative noises he made, but...Dan didn't mind watching this.

There was a strange pull in his chest, and then he was smiling widely as Phil looked up at him. "I mean, I wish we'd get paid for eating. Sadly that's not really a thing, though." He grinned. "I'm glad you like it, though. We can start having more meat in our dishes once you get used to it."

He held out the spare knife and fork, seeing Phil's confused expression, and smiled. He dragged his chair around to Phil's side and leaned in close again (perhaps he didn't need to be quite so close, but Phil wasn't going to complain, right?) "Like this," he explained, placing the knife in Phil's right hand and the fork in his left, as Phil seemed right-handed, unlike Dan. He sent Phil the mental picture of cutting up the meat, and gently pressed Phil's hands down towards the plate, adjusting his grip. "Think you can try?"

Phil was never going to complain if something caused Dan the need to come closer to him, and he smiled as Dan pulled his chair around the table to sit right next to Phil, nearly crowding into his space. Phil didn't mind, though, leaning into Dan until their shoulders were pressed together, and Dan's head was as close as it could get to Phil's without an awkward collision. Phil took the knife and fork, and tried to focus on the mental image and physical sensations Dan was feeding him.

Dan's hands were warm around his, but soon enough, they were gone, and Phil was slowly figuring out how to cut his meat. "Yeah," he agreed, and did his best to mimic the motions in his mind, squealing a bit when the knife scraped hard against the ceramic of the plate. The sound was loud and piercing and Phil did not particularly like it. Dan pressed a reassuring hand to his shoulder, and Phil tried again.

Soon enough, he had the entire thick slab of meat all cut up, and Phil was beaming at Dan. "I did it!" he crowed, constantly excited to do things right around Dan. "Does that mean you'll let me cut up ingredients tomorrow, or are you going to do the entire job yourself again?" Phil teased.

Dan rolled his eyes, shoving at Phil's shoulder a bit. "Excuse me, I think I was well within my rights not to trust you around knives just yet. I've seen the damage you can do, and with your magic still spouting randomly sometimes, I figured it was better to keep sharp things away." Dan was mostly teasing, as he showed in his grin, and patted Phil on the head before ducking away to his side of the table again.

Still, Phil had cut up the meat pretty efficiently, once he'd got the hang of the movements. He was certainly a fast learner. ...Not that Dan was ever going to admit that aloud in front of him, not when there were so many rife opportunities for teasing.

"If you keep trying, though, maybe I'll let you wash up the cauldrons tomorrow," Dan teased with a smirk. "And then I can promote you to official cleaner." He was joking. One of the advantages of having magic meant there was very little housework that couldn't be done with a click of his fingers - not that Dan was still very good at keeping up with it. More often than not, his flat was a mess.

Phil didn't need to know that, though.

Phil narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Dan, not liking where this was going at all. He knew that Dan was teasing him, but that didn't change the way he felt about it all, glaring at Dan until he coughed up "the truth."

"Hey!" Phil complained. "For as unpredictable as my magic is, I've gotten pretty good at saving your potions before they get ruined," he protested. "So I must be good at something, and besides, how are you ever going to know if I can do it if you don't give me a chance," he pouted. "You already know I can clean. How many of your messes have I cleaned up, now?" he teased, laughing as the tips of Dan's ears went red. It was good to get one up on him for once, and Phil was especially proud of the way he made Dan sputter.

"I think maybe you should be the one demoted. I could always take over your job, if you like?" Phil said, grinning all the while.

Dan looked disgruntled. It wasn't his fault he was a bit lazy and left messes around for Phil to deal with. Or that Phil had had to save him that time he tripped over with a dangerous plant in his hand that had burned him… or that Dan could be a little careless and clumsy and occasionally Phil had to help him around if he exhausted himself. He couldn't really be blamed.

He also didn't really have a defence, though, so he merely grumbled, "How about we both just stick to working together instead." He stood up abruptly, sent their plates flying over towards the sink for washing later, and then stomped on over to the couch (and okay, maybe this was a perfect example of his laziness, but he was not going to point that out).

"Anyway," he called back to Phil, "I've had to save your skin a few times, too. I'd say teamwork is safer for both of us." He was smiling as he fiddled with a bookshelf, hunting through for a title he'd meant to give Phil earlier. The first book in that series was here somewhere, he was sure of it.

There was no arguing with that. If it was up to Phil, than teamwork would always be his preference. He just also wanted it to be possible for Dan to do things on his own while Phil took care of his work, in situations where that was possible. It made him smile and laugh to watch Dan pout and storm off, though, and he got up himself to leisurely follow the other man to his sofa, kind of relieved the dishes had been dealt with - kind of - without him tonight. He settled in on one end of the sofa while Dan leant over to his bookcase and shuffled around for a bit, clearly looking for something.

"I like working together," Phil admitted as Dan moved about, watching with fond eyes as Dan searched diligently until he was finally able to come back with the book he'd mentioned earlier - or at least, that's what Phil was assuming he was digging up. He grinned as he took the novel in his hands, fingers stroking over the front cover and it's glossy, pretty image.

"What's it about?" Phil insisted, licking his lips and looking up at Dan rather than reading the inside book jacket. He settled in to hear the story from Dan himself, at least in the hopes Dan could get him just as interested in it as Dan seemed to be himself.

In searching for the book, Dan finally got impatient enough with the mess of his disordered bookshelf that he clicked his fingers and muttered a summoning spell and there the book appeared, flying out from its place buried under several other hardbacks and settling into his fingers. The spine was bent, and several of the pages were worn and dog-eared from years of use, but it was still readable. Just about.

Dan handed it to Phil, watching as his eyes lit up with interest and he asked what it was about. Now that was a question Dan could answer easily, and he settled in place with a large grin. "It's fictional, but basically there's this knight, and his king sends him on a mission to recover a stone from a dragon, only to do that he has to work with this thief that he's been trying to capture for years. And they meet loads of other companions along the way, too, like there's this assassin, I like her a lot, and a farmer's boy, and an escaped princess..."

Dan went on, going into meticulous detail about why he liked his favourite characters and what they're mission was about, and how cleverly the author had interwoven some really key themes about magic and it's proper use and why they as witches had to always be cautious, in case they used too much and damaged their surroundings. He talked and talked until his throat ran dry, and then flushed a bit when he realised how much he'd been going on.

"...So I guess I just really like these books," he finished lamely. "There's fourteen of them in total. Um. Obviously you don't have to read them all, you might not even like them. Which is fine. Um." Dan stopped talking before he could make himself any more awkward, and glanced down at the sofa cushions with a sigh. This was why he couldn't have friends, honestly.

Phil wished Dan would get passionate more often. The way his eyes lit up as he talked, and the way his hands moved in an attempt to draw the world for Phil in the air, made Phil feel like he was floating. There was just something so amazing about hearing someone excited and happy and proud of something they loved, enough that they overflowed with the need to share it with someone else. Phil's fingers curled over the novel, playing with the pages as he went, and he watched Dan with keen eyes as he spoke.

The passion was clear. Phil found himself nodding along, intrigued already and desperate to start reading. All of the characters sounded amazing, and the aspect of politics and magic and culture all woven together made Phil want to sink his teeth right in. It felt like the perfect study of the world he was in now, despite knowing it was fiction, because he knew that the stories told in his own world had always been based on some form of fact. Things couldn't be so different down here.

Phil was smiling by the time Dan seemed to run out of steam, breathing a little laboured from all the talking, and he leant over and just kind of collapsed into Dan's shoulder. He turned his head to look up at his witch, and grinned. "You're cute when you're excited," he said, giggling a bit when Dan turned pink again. "It sounds like a wonderful series. I'm sure I'm going to love it."

Phil was certain he'd love anything Dan loved, in all reality, but he wasn't going to say that now. Not when it seemed like Dan still wasn't entirely comfortable with that kind of thing.

Dan was decidedly a little pink, but whether that was because of how much he'd talked, or having Phil call him cute, or from the sensation of Phil resting against him again, Dan couldn't really decide. In the end, he decided to ignore all of it, and simply wrapped his arms around Phil and twisted so that he was cradling him against his chest.

Dan pressed his face into Phil's hair to hide, and he could already feel himself relaxing again from just having Phil near. He couldn't believe he'd kicked up such a fuss about this to begin with. He couldn't imagine not wanting Phil close right now, and though he knew it had scared him before, right now he was craving it. He tightened his grip around Phil and breathed him in, warm and happy because he had his familiar in his arms again and it just felt right.

"I hope you'll like it," he mumbled after a minute, and sighed, pleased to have Phil against him. The day was starting to catch up on him, and Dan could feel tiredness tugging at his eyelids even though he'd often stay up far later than this. Maybe having company did tire him out sooner - not that he was complaining if he got to keep Phil out of it. "I should warn you, though. The customs it's based on are a little...outdated. We should still go to the library to teach you about proper human customs - if you still want to, I mean."

Suddenly, Phil found Dan's arms wrapped around his waist, and his head pressing right over Dan's heart. In Phil's opinion, it was the best position in the world - he could feel Dan's steady heartbeat, found himself reassured that his witch was alive, and felt his heat seeping into Phil's overly cold skin. He truly did miss his fur if only because he wasn't used to being so uncovered all the time, even with Dan's clothing on him.

Snuggling backwards, Phil closed his eyes. It was nice just to be able to cuddle like this, nice to feel so connected to Dan, and he was never going to get over the fact that Dan seemed suddenly far more comfortable with the whole thing than he had been before. He liked that, liked the openness that was appearing between them, and sighed into the feeling.

"Mm. I'd love to go to the library," Phil agreed, humming a little. "But even if it is outdated, I'd be happy to learn about it," he reassured Dan. "I want to know everything about your world."

Dan smiled, wrapping his arms tighter around Phil when he felt him snuggling in close. The warm weight of him was a source of great comfort, especially knowing as he did now that there was no pressure to do anything other than sit and cuddle. Dan had his legs either side of Phil's body, and Phil's head was curled on his chest as he sprawled out on his lap reminiscent to how he'd acted as a cat. Dan nuzzled him lightly, unable to help himself. It all just felt right, and it made his heart sing to have Phil so close.

"In that case I think you'll definitely enjoy the book," Dan answered with a small smile. "It's based on a past time, when there were knights and kings and courts to attend. Nowadays we keep everything more simple - there were a lot of feuds between magical families, but we live in peace time now. Thankfully. I'd have a lot more work to do if there was a war on."

He held Phil close, cradling him, and closed his eyes. If he could just stay in this moment - if he could trap these feelings so he never had to lose them - then Dan would in a heartbeat. He craved this soft contact in a way he'd never realised before, but now, with Phil against him, Dan wanted to keep it forever. He pressed a kiss to the top of Phil's head. "Are you tired?"

Phil smiled immediately at the sensation of Dan leaning down to kiss him, butterflies and warmth erupting in his stomach. It was just such an adoring gesture, and Phil couldn't get over the fact that Dan wanted to give him that now. He was tired, though, and as Dan asked him, he released a giant yawn that wouldn’t even give him the chance to lie and insist that Dan spend more time with him.

It was a silly request either way. Phil knew that from this day forward, Dan would always make time for him.

"I guess I am tired," Phil agreed with a small laugh, and rolled a little so he could press his face into Dan's chest for a second. Then, he heaved himself out of Dan's embrace and off of the couch before offering Dan his hand to help him up as well. He was starting to feel a little nervous with the reminder that Dan wanted to share a bed tonight, and he swallowed thickly and cast his gaze away from Dan's. He didn't want to pressure him, and maybe he'd changed his mind...

"Do you still want to share your bed tonight, Dan?" Phil asked quietly. "It's okay if you've changed your mind."

Dan glanced up at Phil, his eyes soft. Phil was always so considerate - still giving Dan a way to opt out if he needed it, always showing Dan that there wasn't any pressure. He was so glad they'd got to this place. At first, when Phil had all but forced himself into Dan's life, Dan hadn't thought he had a choice. Now he knew better. Phil would always give him a choice.

"I'm sure," he answered quietly, and took Phil's hand in his own. He got off the sofa and led Phil into his bedroom, and admittedly, his heart gave a little flutter at the thought of something as intimate as this.

It was Phil, though, and cuddling with Phil had been Dan's favourite thing so far.

"You can change in here," Dan offered, "I have plenty of sleeping clothes in my drawer. I'll… go and change in the bathroom." Before Phil could put up any arguments, Dan was grabbing his own pyjamas and heading for the door again, fixing Phil with a stern stare. "Stay in here. Get comfortable. Don't argue with me, if you can manage that for five minutes." His lips twitched despite himself.

Phil wanted to argue that there was no reason that Dan should have to be the one to leave the room in order to get changed, but Dan was already leaving, having left open a drawer for Phil to riffle through for his own sleepwear, and turning back just to ask him not to argue for five minutes. Phil couldn't help himself, it made him laugh, and he smiled at Dan as the other man left the room. It wasn't his fault that they were both very stubborn people after all, but it was still good.

After rifling through the drawer Dan had left open for him, Phil picked out a pair of pants that were soft to the touch, and pulled them on, searching for a nice feeling shirt to pull on as well. He craved the warmth of the clothing enough that he didn't start getting changed until he'd picked something out, and by then, he hoped Dan wouldn't walk in until he was done. He'd just gotten one leg in his trousers when he heard the door open, and he yelped as he nearly fell over trying to hide himself.

"Wait, wait!" he begged, blushing and feeling vaguely gross at the idea of Dan seeing him in nothing but the boxers Dan had given him. After righting himself, Phil managed to pull the pants on properly followed immediately by a new shirt, and then, a little breathless, rushed to the door to open it for Dan, whose cheeks were red but who was decidedly not looking at Phil.

Dan only caught a glimpse of pale skin through the door before Phil was crying at him to wait, and as quick as that, Dan had the door shut again and was quickly facing the other way. He tugged at the sleeves of his pyjamas, feeling heat rising to his cheeks, and cursed his impatience. Why hadn't he knocked? He'd thought he'd given Phil enough time, but evidently not. Dan gave a shudder. Hopefully he hadn't made everything all awkward now, or made Phil uncomfortable. That was the last thing Dan wanted to do.

When the door creaked open again, Dan kept his eyes determinedly on the floor, reminded of when Phil had first become human and hadn't been wearing any clothes at all. That image wasn't helping this situation at all, though, and Dan firmly put it out of his mind as he turned to Phil.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that!" he quickly reassured, still avoiding looking at Phil. "I'll knock next time. Um. I really am sorry, did I upset you?"

Phil was a little confused that Dan seemed so upset and distressed that he'd almost walked in on Phil before he was ready, but he quickly realised that Dan was just as afraid of making Phil uncomfortable as Phil was of making Dan uncomfortable. He smiled softly and reached out to put his hand on Dan's shoulder.

"No, I'm okay. It's hardly your fault. I'm fine now," Phil reassured his witch, whose heart was far softer than he liked to pretend. It made Phil giggle as he went ahead and pulled Dan into his arms, wrapping long limbs he still didn't fully understand around Dan's body and resting his chin on top of his head. "Stop worrying, you goof," he teased, and kissed the top of his head before pulling away.

Phil's body was beginning to drag as he led Dan back into the bedroom, and over to the bed. It looked so comfortable that Phil collapsed onto it in seconds, opening up his arms the way he'd seen that Dan seemed to want him to do, and offering him a chance to cuddle Phil. Dan was quick to do so, folding himself into Phil's arms. With a snap of his fingers, the lights were out, and Phil was left sighing happily as he wrapped his arms fully around Dan.

Really, Dan shouldn't be surprised anymore that Phil seemed to know exactly what he needed to say and do to make Dan feel better. He'd hardly made it inside the bedroom before Phil was wrapping him up in his arms and leading him gently to the bed, taking away any and all worries that Dan still had lingering from earlier. Were they both really ready for this? Were they rushing into something?

But all those thoughts disappeared as soon as Dan was back inside Phil's arms on the bed. He closed his eyes and melted against him, the sensation of Phil wrapping his limbs around him completely relaxing Dan. He'd never been held before, not like this. The sensation had him letting out a happy little sigh, and his head found a resting place in the crook of Phil's shoulder, until he was completely surrounded by his familiar.

Dan's heart sang, and he felt Phil sigh happily back at him, tightening his grip. Dan hooked his own arm around Phil's waist and drew him in, resting his fingers against the soft material of the pyjamas Phil had borrowed. This right here was close to bliss. With the warmth of another body next to him, Dan could feel himself relaxing fully, any and all of his worries slowly drifting to the back of his mind. "I'm so glad I found you," he mumbled into Phil's shoulder, not bothering to open his eyes.

Phil's heart was singing, as was his skin and his body and his mind. Everything was singing. Everything was right in the world. He felt like the luckiest person in the world holding onto the most perfect person in the world, and he grinned as he leaned down to kiss at Dan's head again, hair soft against Phil's lips. "Me too," Phil agreed quietly, and tightened his arm around Dan's body, keeping him close as he felt his witch began to drift to sleep. "Me too, Dan," he said again on a sigh, and smiled as his heart filled with nothing short of love.

Sleep came easily when Phil was wrapped in the warmth of another body, exhausted as he was from such a long day’s work. He'd done more that day than he'd ever done before, and it left him with a happy feeling in his chest. Everything about his new life just seemed so ... perfect. Almost too good to be true.

**

Everything was wonderful, until it really wasn't.

When Dan fell asleep, he was calm and happy, wrapped up in Phil's arms like it was the best feeling in the world. He wanted to hang onto that feeling - oh, how desperately he wished he could hold onto it, so he could keep them both happy and relaxed and together without any more stress or upset. But, as it had happened far too often, when he woke up he could feel all those good feelings slipping away.

Dan couldn't explain it, not really. All he knew was that when he woke, stirring slightly, and felt an arm trapping him in place, he panicked.

Instantly, he tried to sit up, only the warm heavy weight of the arm he knew to be Phil's was holding him in place. Dan shuddered under the touch. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths, and tried to remind himself that this was Phil next to him, and he liked Phil, liked being close to him. Only, his brain couldn't quite seem to remember that. Instead, he was filled with the deep shuddering knowledge that he needed to get away.

It was the feeling of Dan’s fear rising in his chest that woke Phil, and it really shouldn’t have surprised him that everything seemed to feel like it was about to fall apart again when he opened his eyes. The motion was slow, reluctant, because Phil didn’t want to face the pain of having Dan suddenly seem to not want him, but at the same time, he didn’t want to force Dan into anything.

Glancing beside him the second his eyes were open, Phil peered sleepily at Dan, who was staring back at him, body tense against Phil’s.

"Dan?" he asked quietly.

Some of Dan’s panic must have bled through the bond, because it wasn't long after he'd first woken that he heard Phil murmuring his name. Instantly going completely still, Dan swallowed and blinked his eyes open, looking up into Phil's worried gaze. He took a breath, trying to calm himself. He couldn't afford to freak Phil out again, even though Dan's brain was currently stuck on a loop of get out get out get out.

"I'm fine," Dan said woodenly, and coughed. "I just - um. Could you move your arm?" He already had his body stretched as far away from Phil's as he could, until he was practically hanging off the edge of the bed. As soon as he could, Dan was planning to jump up and sprint out of the room, just to take a moment to calm himself down and get a handle on his thoughts again.

He'd been fine with this last night. What the hell was wrong with him?

Dan didn't sound fine. Phil could hear how hollow his voice was, and as he blinked himself properly awake, could see the way Dan looked about ready to fall off the bed in a willing attempt to escape the weight of Phil's body against his. Phil didn't know what was going on, but he did know that the last thing he ever wanted to do was to make Dan feel trapped, and so, without hesitation, he lifted his arm away from his witch's body, and scrambled back and away.

Dan jumped from the bed so fast, Phil thought he was going to hurt himself, and he watched with sad, wounded eyes as Dan took off out of the room without another word to Phil.

It shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't hurt, and yet it did. Phil felt rejected, and small, like he was lost without Dan, and that Dan was regretting every choice that he'd recently made to be close to Phil. His feelings were so strong, Phil could sense the revulsion and the distaste as well as the anxiety and fear, and it made pain twist up in Phil's gut. Why was Dan so suddenly repulsed by him? Had Phil done something wrong?

He couldn't think of anything. As he glanced down at his body, pushing away the covers they'd been buried underneath, Phil confirmed with himself that he was still dressed, and there was nothing strange going on with his anatomy that could explain why Dan had felt the need to run away so quickly. Everything was fine, and yet, to Dan it wasn't.

Phil's heart hurt, and he sat up with a miserable little whine, wondering how he could have fucked up yet again.

Dan raced out of the room so fast he didn't look back once to check Phil's expression. He felt like he couldn't breathe until he was safely back in the usual space of his living room, and there he leaned against the wall, burying his face in his hands and trying to calm his panicked breaths. He was alone out here. He had space. No-one was invading his thoughts or his space or his area, and he could be calm and safe again.

Just as he was starting to calm down, Dan heard a pitying whine come from his bedroom, and then he felt the rush of confusion and sadness welling up from Phil's side of the bond. Instantly, Dan winced again. He was torn. Part of him wanted to calm Phil down, wanted to return to him and hold him again just to calm him down, but the larger, louder part of Dan was freaking out about doing anything like that.

Phil was in his bed. Phil was in his bed. Someone else had invaded Dan's life, and as much as Dan knew Phil didn't want to hurt him, he couldn't get over the panic that thought induced in him.

Taking another loud, deep breath, Dan gave his head a shake. Time. He just needed some time, and a clear head, and then everything would be fine again. Maybe if he jumped in the shower… and the bathroom door had a lock on it. He'd lock himself away until he got a handle on this, and could fix himself up enough to be a good witch for Phil.

With another slow, determined breath, Dan pushed himself away from the wall and headed straight to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and turning on the shower in an effort to drown out his thoughts, as well as the sadness and panic he was getting echoing back from Phil.

Phil didn't expect Dan to come back, and his witch didn't. Instead, Phil listened as the water in the shower turned on, and then he found himself whimpering again and pressing his face into his hands. His heart ached with sorrow and confusion, and he could feel a little well of panic swelling in him that Dan was going to turn around and regret everything again, but he was trying to stamp it all done. Maybe he didn't know what was wrong with Dan, but he wanted to fix it, and if he'd done something wrong, he would. He just... hoped Dan would explain to him.

It was easier said than done though, and Phil found himself shaking with heartache as he climbed out of bed and attempted to get changed. It was a difficult process when he couldn't seem to stop shivering, though, and so he did what he could, grabbing Dan's duvet off the bed and wrapping himself in it once he was done, hoping that would make it stop. It didn't, and as Phil's thoughts began to consume him, he realised it wasn't a cold coming from the outside, but from within.

He needed to make a change, and fast. Maybe, if Dan saw Phil as a cat instead, things would feel a little more okay. Dan's emotions were strong and confused, and Phil just wanted to make him better, so he did what Dan had suggested last night, and closed his eyes, picturing himself as a cat. Dan wasn't there to feed Phil any magic, but it didn't seem to matter. He focused on his paws and his tail, the color of his fur, and how it felt to be on all fours without the use of opposable thumbs. He felt his human body began to vibrate in place, and focused harder, eyes scrunched tight, until he felt it begin.

As before, Phil felt the rush of magic pour through him, causing him to collapse on the floor, and then his body was changing, and this time, Phil could feel it happening. His limbs were shrinking, his bones changing shape, and it didn't hurt, but there was a prickling sensation as he shrunk and turned and suddenly grew far more fur, and then he was opening his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief to find his tiny paws in front of him. He shuddered, sighing, and curled himself into a small, comforting ball under the duvet that had fallen around him. He just hoped this would help Dan when he got out of the shower.

Dan could sense an odd kind of pull coming from Phil, and a sense of panic and sadness and sorrow, and it was all his fault. Just because Dan had freaked out, now Phil was suffering. Why couldn't he just fix this? Why was Dan always the one making mistakes, and screwing things up? Phil deserved someone so much better than him.

Dan turned the shower on almost unbearably hot, trying to cleanse himself of the panic and revulsion that was tugging at him. He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking himself off from Phil as much as he could. Nothing about this was okay, but the last thing Dan wanted was to hurt Phil. Only, it seemed he couldn't go for very long without doing exactly that, and it wasn't fair. Dan was trying to be a good witch, he really was, but he just… didn't know what to do when he felt as trapped as he had that morning.

He got out of the shower half an hour later with his skin scrubbed red raw, but he still didn't feel any better. He was calm for having his own space, but nothing felt right. He was alone again, which was as he liked it, but then - Phil's sadness and confusion was still tugging at the bond, until Dan felt hollow with it. How could he do this? They were doing fine, until this morning he just… hadn't wanted to be there. He'd been so trapped and overwhelmed by Phil that he'd run, and now he'd spoiled everything again.

When Dan stepped out of the bathroom, he debated what to do until he saw his bedroom door open with no sign of Phil. Had he gone out? Wherever he was, the bedroom seemed empty and safe, so Dan headed quickly in there to find a change of clothes. He paused, frowning when he found his duvet was curled up in a pile on the floor, not on the bed where it should be. He bent down to pick it up, and jumped back with a screech when he realised there was a ball of black fluff sitting underneath it.

He calmed his racing heart when he realised what the ball was - a cat, exactly like Phil had been. And no sign of human Phil anywhere. Had he figured out how to change, then? Dan bit his lip, tugging at the hem of his pyjama shirt, and then he let out a breath. At least if Phil was a cat, he didn't have to freak out about letting another human into his bed again. Maybe they could talk, this way.

"Phil?" Dan asked cautiously, crouching down by the black all of fluff and dropping the duvet again. "Is that you?"

In so many ways, Phil preferred being a cat. In this form, he could sense when Dan enter the room, and felt himself stiffen a little. Part of him hoped that Dan wouldn't notice the duvet on the ground, or pick it up and find Phil. He wanted to hide a little longer, but his wishes didn't come true as Dan picked it up and screeched at what he found there. Phil suddenly wondered if it would have been better for him to hide somewhere else, but didn't move or open his eyes to greet Dan. Instead, he tried to soothe his own heartache so Dan wouldn't have to worry about him.

"Yes," Phil whispered back, too afraid to even touch the bond right now. "It's me," he reassured Dan, ears pressing flat to the top of his head and tail wound so tight around his body he wondered if he even looked like a cat to Dan right now. It was comforting to be so tightly pressed into himself, but he also couldn't relax because of it, and he found himself staring morosely at his own paws. If he were human, he would be crying, but as it was, he could feel the wet sheen to his eyes that was a cat's version of doing so.

"I can leave," he suggested gently. "So you can get changed," he added, deciding to take matters into his own hands and get up, already trotting from the room with his tail dragging unhappily behind him, tucked up between his legs.

Dan bit his lip, watching as the sad little ball of black fluff that was apparently Phil disappeared out of the door. He bit his lip, watching, wondering if he should stop Phil. But Phil was already gone. It was more than evident in Phil's behaviour that he was hurting and probably blaming himself for Dan's actions, and Dan groaned, frustrated. He wished there was something he could do.

Maybe, if he hid his feelings, then he could somehow remember how good it had felt to be in Phil's arms. Dan had enjoyed it, he knew he had. He'd just… temporarily forgotten how good it felt. And hurt Phil in the process.

Trying to shut his thoughts up again, Dan pulled on his clothes and then turned to head out and find Phil again. He paused, though, unsure exactly what to do. The most important thing was for Phil to realise that this wasn't his fault, that he hadn't done anything wrong. That meant Dan had to be a good witch, had to do everything in his power to keep Phil happy.

So he pulled the door open and painted a false smile onto his face, heading out to find Phil curled up on his sofa, his tail still between his legs, his head resting morosely on his front paws. "Hello!" Dan said, much too brightly. "Phil! So I see you're a cat again. You figured it out yourself, huh? You must be happy about that." Dan's hands were tight fists by his sides, but he was determined not to mess this up anymore. He had to be a good witch for Phil, he had to.

There was far too much turmoil broiling in the bond for Phil to take, and so, reluctantly, he tried to shut himself off without completely putting up a shield. He thought that might upset Dan further, though he wasn't sure how, and held himself back by merely filling his mind and the bond with someone entirely different - rushes of calming waves, and the emotions that came with that. Peace. Phil hoped it would help them both as he settled himself up on Dan's sofa, face resting on his paws, and eyes trained on a black TV screen. The book Dan had picked out for Phil to read was still sat on his coffee table, and Phil momentarily desired to read it, but then pushed the thought back, not wanting to make Dan more uncomfortable by invading a perceived privacy. Since Phil didn't know what he'd done to upset Dan, he would avoid anything that might invade his privacy.

It hurt worse when Dan came out of his room pretending to be happy, and Phil felt his heart splinter in two when he was forced to face a false smile and strained eyes. Phil didn't know why Dan was doing this, but he wanted him to stop. His words were just as put upon, and Phil had no idea how Dan could possibly think he was passing for okay.

Sighing, Phil stood up and gave Dan a piercing look.

"Stop," he begged. "Just stop. I don't know what I did to upset you, but... but if you need space, I can give you space. You just have to ask," he begged. "Please don't pretend with me. I don't - I don't want this."

Dan wilted as soon as he realised that Phil wasn't buying his pretence. Even worse, Phil was already blaming himself for Dan's behaviour, thinking he'd done something wrong and that was why Dan had suddenly distanced himself. Dan's face crumpled. That was the last thing he'd wanted to happen, because while he didn't fully understand himself, he knew this change was all on him. None of this was Phil's fault. He'd just been landed with a useless witch.

"It's nothing to do with you," Dan snapped a bit more harshly than he meant, and then winced when he realised how that sounded. He let out a breath, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see Phil's face. He was so useless, wasn't he? Why couldn't he get this right? Being a witch with a familiar was supposed to be natural, but Dan never got it right.

"I'm sorry," Dan murmured, opening his eyes but still avoiding Phil's gaze. "It's not - it's really not your fault. There's nothing going on, I promise. I'm fine." His voice was so weak that even Dan didn't believe it.

Phil flinched away from Dan when he snapped at him, curling backwards into the corner of the sofa as he backed up, tail wrapping tight around himself. His eyes were wide, and he nearly wanted to yowl in reply, but he kept quiet, barely just holding himself together. It was difficult to face Dan when Dan looked so angry and upset, and it was clear he didn't want to talk about what was wrong right now. Phil could do his best to let it go, even if it did hurt.

"It's fine," he managed to get out, though his voice was all choked up. He flicked his mind about for a way to give Dan space, wanting Dan to be okay and not angry at Phil anymore. Maybe they could talk later, but for right now, whether Dan said it was his fault or not, Phil needed to get away for both of their sakes.

That's when it hit him. PJ and Mara. Mara was an old friend of his, someone he had been so happy to see again, and now he had the opportunity to rekindle that relationship with her. Maybe, if Dan needed space, Phil could go about cultivating more friendships so he didn't have to be so clingy. Maybe Dan would like that more.

"I - I was wondering if it would be okay if I went out without you?" Phil asked, voice small. "Maybe look around, make some friends?"

Dan's face scrunched up when he saw how Phil flinched away from him, his voice growing small and weak. Every inch of him looked like he was terrified. Had Dan actually scared him? He was the worst witch in existence. Phil didn't deserve this - Phil deserved better. Dan was amazed he hadn't given up and left already.

So it came as no surprise that Phil suggested he go out. Part of Dan was horrified, because he thought it meant Phil was giving up on him and walking away, even if they were bonded together maybe he knew about some secret loophole to get out of it that he hadn't shared with Dan. Dan wouldn't be surprised. He bit his lip, feeling bad for even thinking that. All Phil had ever done was try and be the best he could for Dan, and Dan had only ever thrown it back in his face.

The other, tiny part of Dan was secretly relieved that he'd get to have some time to himself. Maybe he'd finally be able to sort his mess of a head out, even if he was terrified of losing Phil completely. Dan didn't want that, even in his current panic.

"I think you should do what you like, Phil," Dan agreed quietly. "If you want to go, go ahead. I won't stop you."

It's what Phil had wanted, but the way that Dan phrased it made Phil's heart plummet to his toes, and he couldn't even completely explain why. He just knew that it hurt, and that suddenly, it seemed as if they were both afraid of each other. Phil didn't like it, but he pushed that thought away as he slinked off the sofa, and began to make his way to the front door.

His ears were pressed tight to his head, body low to the ground as he moved around, and he darted past Dan as fast as he could before vanishing through the front door. He didn't want to give Dan a chance to change his mind, as horrible as that seemed, and truly thought at this point, they both needed a break.