#graysexual reader

[shadesofgrace88]

Reading as an asexual be like this sometimes...

Don't get me wrong, some romance scenes are okay, but I've rarely come across books where it's not just...Ew.

When it's nice: If the characters have a reason to do it. If it enhances the story and relationship. If it shows more of an emotional connection or trust between those characters.

I've written a few "spicy" scenes myself, but it has to be more than lust-fueled attraction 🤷‍♀️

[makethiscanon]

Happy Pride, everyone! 🖤⚪💜

Special shoutout to my fellow autistic ace peeps who took extra long to figure out they were ace because they were too busy masking💟

[realthoughtsreal]

Queer things in my life

I go for Eddie’s look. But I cut my hair and now I miss it so much because it no longer looks like Eddie’s mane. I love dressing up in my Eddie getup, makes me feel more masc and comfortable and confident. I think he’s super cool and my favorite character so far in Stranger Things.

BUT ALSO. Like, I wanna kiss him so bad and hug him and I just had like 2 consecutive dreams with him as the centerpiece.

Like look at him. He plays guitar, so do I. He’s a nerd, so am I. I have something for guys with long messy hair.

We literally own the same clothes.

I may have a queer problem:

This is literally both I want his gender and want him.

I never thought those words would come out of my mouth 😂

I blame all those vamp eddie fics. I like vampires waaaay too much. Add that to him, who’s already my type and I’m goneee.

[prismuffin]

Might have to scrap that 47 fic

I’ve deleted and rewritten so many paragraphs I just can’t see his anti-social ass saying and doing some of this shit FUCK😭😭

[allagogtoreblog]

sorry in advance for this really long ask, hopefully it’s not too annoying to come to you like this, but that meme you posted about being interested in sex only in the fictional sense actually means quite a lot to me… i’ve been IDing as aspec for a couple years now, it took me a while to figure it out because i’ve always been interested in romance and sex in fiction and fantasy and have had somewhat of a crush on one fictional character or another since puberty, but i’ve never wanted it irl or had any sort of romantic or sexual encounters in reality. eddie’s the biggest fictional crush i’ve had since i was a teen, to the point where sometimes i was starting to question my asexuality. but when i do that i have to remind myself that i wouldn’t want him if he were real, my interest entirely hinges on everything being fictional and safe in my head. i’ve only recently discovered the label aego and connect with it quite a lot, so it was thrilling to see both it and the concept of enjoying sex exclusively with fictional characters in the wild on your blog! i’ve just been having a hard time deciding whether i ‘remove my self’ from the equation, if you will. the definition is a little bit hard to puzzle out and i know it’s slightly different for everyone. anyway, thanks for posting that meme because it helped me find your blog, and it was so lovely to see aego in your bio as it’s the first time i’ve encountered that since i’ve been considering the label for myself. if you don’t mind my asking, how long have you ID’d as ace/aego, and how did you decide aego was the right label for you? oh and just for fun, if you’d like to answer: what are some headcanons that feel specific to Your Eddie, the eddie in your head, compared to popular fanon/canon?

Thank you so much for your ask! And trust me, it’s not annoying at all! There are not many people in my life that I can discuss things like this with, so I was kind of thrilled when I read it. I apologize for the lengthy reply, but I was SO excited to answer this.

Honestly, I started to realize I was “different” around JR high (which for a little context was about 25 years ago) when everyone around me was feeling that first rush of hormones and so excited about boys (or girls) and dating and first kisses, but I just never really felt that way. That’s not to say that I didn’t get crushes or find boys attractive (the posters on my walls of boy bands and teen idols would attest to that), I just didn’t see the point in romantic/sexual interactions with people I knew.  

I never really gave it much thought at the time though or tried to understand why I felt that way because JR high and HS were a really rough time for me. I was being badly bullied, my house burnt down, my parents were getting divorced, and I was struggling with depression so, I’ll be honest, I kind of assumed that things I felt (or wasn’t feeling in this case) were a product of nothing more than low self-esteem. Obviously, the only reason I wasn’t interested in trying for a relationship is because they’d just reject me anyways, right?

Yeah, I told myself that’s all it was for a really long time. Not because I was particularly embarrassed by my lack of personal interest but more so that I didn’t fully understand that I had a lack of interest.

I think it was because, around the age of 18, I found fanfic for the first time (SPUFFY 4 LYFE) and you best believe the smutty stories were my favorite (still are btw). Before that? Oh, this movie has a sex scene? Imma just watch it a dozen times, okay? So, clearly, I’m interested… maybe I just haven’t met the right guy?

It’s only been recently – around the last 5 years ago – that I’ve attempted to identify my sexuality. The catalyst of which was a particularly memorable event where I was literally sobbing at the thought of hanging out with a casual friend that I knew was interested in more. It was the first time anyone has ever told me that they were attracted to me and I was horrified by it.

So, yep, it appears I’m repulsed by sex? Great, I’m asexual.

But what about the fanfic and those dirty sex scenes, allagog? If you like watching/reading it, you must (subconsciously) want it in real life too.

So, I start reading a bit more and landed on the term graysexual for a few years – because I assumed my interest in that stuff proved I was sexually interested in people, therefore I straddled the line between asexuality and heterosexuality.

But I still felt like it didn’t fit.

It wasn’t until I started reading x reader fanfic daily (before that, I’d check out a story here and there) with the introduction of Eddie Munson (not unlike you) that I began to understand that the only time I was remotely interested in someone was if:

They were a celebrity who I will never, EVER meet

They were a fictional character

So, like one is wont to do in this day and age, I googled: “only sexually attracted to fictional characters’

And Aegosexuality popped up. And even though it’s not 100% a perfect match, of all the terms I’ve come across, this one fits the best.

The “remove yourself” bit you mentioned is also one of the parts that I don’t fully identify with (masturbating is the other), but I think that’s open to interpretation. It may not be the same for you, but when I’m reading x reader fics or imagining scenarios, I don’t actually picture me as I am, but a FICTIONAL version of myself.

In the end, the most important thing about identifying as any sexuality is that it's the right fit for you.

As for Eddie headcanons, I can't say I really have any that are entirely specific to me. For the most part, I love (most) of the versions that other authors have created or built upon. I love awkward, affectionate, sweetheart Eddie the most and almost always imagine him as much. Virgin!Eddie or sexually inexperienced are also 100% canon for me.

I'll also admit to really struggling with Asshole/Jerk Eddie and promiscuous Eddie (especially when combined with the Asshole/Jerk version of him). No disrespect for the people that read/write this version but I usually avoid them.

Thank you again so much for your ask! If you (or anyone else) ever want to reach out again - about anything, anything at all! - I'd love to hear it! <3

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 6 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - Spencer struggles with thoughts of his assault before giving you your first riding lesson. Just as things seem to be going well, you’re shocked to find Spencer in the midst of a dissociative break.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - mentions of sexual assault and use of “rape” several times, talk of therapy and a deep dive into Spencer’s therapy journey, stress inoculation therapy, prolonged exposure therapy, erectile dysfunction, graysexuality and demisexuality, mentions of male masturbation, blood, dissociation, self-harm.

WC - 6.3k

Chapter 6 - Tumbling Tumbleweeds

Spencer didn’t not wake with a start, nor did he wake slowly. His mind undulated long before he opened his eyes, ebb and flow, ebb and flow. 

The thoughts were undiluted and raw, building worlds behind his eyelids whilst he was still barely semi-conscious.

He was cognisant of the hard shell beneath his back, pressing, prodding his aching spine. The lingering chlorine scent of bleach was attacking his nasal cavities, tickling, scratching. 

He was aware yet he was not. He was asleep yet he was alert. Conscious sleep. It was a self preservation tactic he’d taught himself after his first sexual assault. 

The ability to be aware of the self, but not of the body or surroundings during non-dream sleep. It was a form of deep meditation, requiring him to distance himself from his physical nature. 

The hardest part was getting rid of the mental blockage clouding his mind to achieve such a state. It was the very psychological clutter he had to banish which was the cause for needing this coping mechanism in the first place. 

It was a way to help him rest enough to replenish his energy supply but would keep him responsive enough to perceive a threat. 

It hadn’t come easy to him at first but once he’d mastered it he often found himself falling into this state without meaning to. 

He knew the signs upon awakening, how he would never feel quite as rested as if he’d slept properly, how he could recall various movements and noises during the night. 

And this was how he found himself this morning, not quite asleep, yet not awake. He knew it for what it was and it would be easy for him to rouse himself completely. But once he allowed himself to reach that fully conscious state he would have to face reality and for that he wasn’t quite ready. 

But it was inevitable. The bleach was starting to burn his nose, causing his stomach to turn violently. He knew it was unlikely he had anything left in him to vomit after last night but it didn’t stop him feeling nauseous. 

His fingers of his right hand twitched against the floorboards, his mind starting to flicker, reality just within his grasp. 

He was in an incredible amount of pain. He had pushed himself way too hard since his accident and every part of his body from the top of his head down to his toes growled in agony. 

He didn’t wait to let himself adjust to the wakefulness, he forced himself to his feet before the pain grew any worse. He tried to ignore it and went to the bathroom for some Tylenol and his paroxetine. 

He knew what needed to be done. Maybe it would be easier while his mind wasn’t yet fully with it. 

Shuffling back to his bedroom he opened the bottom drawer of his nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed. He pulled out a manilla folder and a few other items which he set in his lap. 

His good hand trembled as his fingers brushed over them and he hoped to keep his brain in this foggy just woken state for a little while longer so he might be able to do this. 

When he’d moved to Bandera he’d gone through two separate courses of therapy to try and help him process what he’d been through. 

The first was Stress Inoculation Therapy, a psychotherapy technique intended to help patients prepare themselves in advance to handle stressful events successfully with minimal upset. 

SIT was broken down into three stages - education, skill building and application. His manilla file was full of papers regarding the first two stages. 

His therapist had given him information and encouraged him to do his own research on rape and sexual assault factors. Spencer didn’t need to do his own research as it was all already in his head. 

It was supposed to teach cues that triggered the trauma within him but again, it wasn’t hard for him to understand what those were. Sexual contact. Alpha males. Loss of control. 

During the skill building his therapist had tried to help control his fear reaction. He had been encouraged to use mental rehearsal and guided self talk. He opened the folder and flicked through the pages to find the small scrap of paper with his own scrawly handwriting on. 

I was sexually assaulted, but I am not a victim. I was coerced but I am not weak. I am in control of my own body, of my own mind. I will not let them win, I will not let them ruin my life. 

I didn’t deserve what happened to me. I am a good person. I am a strong person. I will move past this. I won't let them break me. I am still worthy of love and affection. I am still whole.

I am still whole. 

He gripped the paper, his nails digging into the flimsy material as he read his own words over in his head. His chest heaved and he clenched his jaw tightly. 

It was supposed to serve as a reminder to himself that this wasn’t the be all and end all of his life. He’d suffered something exponentially cruel, for which he didn’t deserve but it wasn’t the end of his life. 

He was still whole, whether he believed that or not. This self penned affirmation was supposed to help him remember that. 

He tucked the paper back between some other sheets so he didn’t have to look at it anymore. It wasn’t supposed to be the end of his life but it damn near felt like it. 

The application stage of SIT was the biggest bump in the road. His therapist encouraged him to use his new skills to engage in the fearful behaviour which in his case was sexual contact.

It had taken him weeks to even attempt this part. He’d told his therapist of a man named Grant who owned a nearby ranch and worked part time at a local BBQ joint. He was around Spencer’s age and undeniably handsome. 

He’d caught Grant’s eye on occasion in town. The two often exchanged smiles in the general store or whilst passing on their respective steeds. Spencer knew well enough that Grant was interested in him. 

At his therapist's encouragement, after weeks of her trying to prod him to take this next step, eventually Spencer had asked Grant to join him for a drink. Grant had readily accepted. 

Spencer had been more nervous than he ever remembered being as he got ready for his date and rode Willow down to the 11th Street Bar. 

But he never made it inside. And after standing Grant up, the man never even so much as made eye contact with him again. 

His therapist explained, although Spencer already understood this, that due to the nature of his assault being carried out by men, it might be easier for him to ease himself back into the engagement of this behaviour with a woman. 

Spencer shut this idea down. He’d always been slightly more interested in men, in the few sexual encounters he’d experienced with either gender, he always found being with men more fulfilling. 

And thus she had suggested another form of therapy when he couldn’t move past the second stage. This time was Prolonged Exposure Therapy. 

This somehow was more gruelling than SIT. It involved him having to recount, in intricate detail, his rape over and over again. 

He had to recall the sounds, the smells, the feelings. He had to dive deep into what he experienced before, during and in the aftermath. 

Again and again. Over and over. It was only on approximately the fiftieth recitation that he’d let slip that he’d gotten erect during the act. 

It was a piece of information he’d decided early on into his therapy he was going to keep undisclosed. Obviously it was incredibly pertinent, but Spencer already felt vulnerable enough and didn’t want to admit this facet to his therapist or even himself truly.

His therapist had cut him off with a simple, “ah”. She went on to explain that this was a salient part of why he may not be able to let himself move past his assault and lightly chided him for not being more forthcoming with this earlier. 

He’d reluctantly then had to explain in great detail his apparent erectile dysfunction and the guilt he suffered over getting aroused while they assaulted him. This had then led her to ask about his sexual history. 

He’d been adverse at first, not thinking his past could bear any weight on what he was currently experiencing. But even geniuses were wrong sometimes. 

He gave a brief rundown on his limited past experiences including - much to his embarrassment - his feelings towards self stimulation. 

After going into too much detail for his liking, his therapist had offered him an explanation, able to give a name to what he was experiencing. 

In her opinion, it sounded like graysexuality. People who identify as graysexual feel infrequent sexual attraction, less desire to engage in sexual activity. That’s not to say he never did, but his impulses were few and far between, even before his ordeal in prison. 

It was on the same spectrum as asexuality, and stems from the idea that sexuality isn’t black or white and there is a gray area that many people fall into. 

She didn’t believe it was anything to with libido after he’d reluctantly spoken in depth of his and Luke’s sex life. Prior to prison, they could barely keep their hands off of each other, often spending entire days off together in the throes of passion. 

When she’d told him her understanding of the term, graysexuals don’t see sex as important, not in the way some others do. They do feel sexual attraction but not very often and only in certain circumstances. 

She also believed he may fall somewhere on the demisexual spectrum as his most intense physical relationship had been Luke, someone he had a prior emotional bond with. 

When Spencer had grown confused and questioned how he could be both she’d simply told him that orientation was constantly switching, sexuality was a spectrum and we are consistently roving up and down the scale. 

Years later he would be sitting on his porch with you, a woman he barely knew and explaining his sexuality in much the same manner as his therapist had explained to him. 

It made sense to him, he understood and it made him feel a little better to know that there were words that existed to describe what he was feeling. He made him feel less alone, knowing that he wasn’t the only person that was going through these things.

As was par for the course with Prolonged Exposure Therapy, his recital of his abuse was recorded. One of the items in his lap was the cassette tape of his own full admission of what he’d gone through at Milburn. 

He’d never listened to it, he couldn’t bring himself to, no matter how much his therapist tried to encourage him to do so. It was supposed to help distance himself from it, listen to the confession from the sidelines as though he were a bystander. 

“Doctor Reid, as an agent with the BAU I can only imagine how many times you had to listen to people recount the horrible things they’d gone through. Hearing your own retelling might allow you to be objective the way you might be with a victim interview.” 

She was right and he knew it. But he couldn’t listen to it. He knew he never would. 

Exhausting most of her options on a patient who often seemed as though he didn’t want to get better, her final instruction before Spencer stopped seeing her was for him to at the very least make a concerted effort to try masturbating more frequently. 

After she’d dropped that frankly horrifying piece of advice, Spencer had never returned to her office. 

He stuffed the folder and cassette away again, shaking his head at his own intrusive train of thoughts. Revisiting this was not going to make things better, he had to power on, accept the things he couldn’t change as his former drug rehabilitation taught him. 

If only it were that easy. 

He forced himself to shower despite the pain he was in, before dressing and eating a bowl of cereal in a thinly veiled attempt to energise himself for the day ahead. 

***

When a gentle knock sounded at the door of the lodge you were sitting on the edge of the bed with a towel wrapped around you after your shower. 

You scrambled to quickly throw some clothes on but by the time you made it to the door, swinging it open, no one was there. 

Brows furrowing you looked around and caught a glimpse of Spencer’s retreating form as he limped in the direction of the stables. He’d barely given you time to answer, what had he even bothered knocking for? 

Shaking your head you went to recede back inside but noticed something on the floor in front of the door. 

A red tray, the likes of which reminded you of high school, lay on the porch with an array of items on top. 

You bent down and lifted the tray, careful not to drop anything while you stepped back in the cabin and nudged the door closed with your hip. You cautiously carried it to the kitchen counter and set it down. 

A large mug in the shape of an octopus had steam rising from it and after a cursory sniff you knew it to be honey and lemon tea. Next to it, a small glass containing thick, pulpy orange juice. 

The bowl in the centre of the tray housed cereal and there was another small glass filled with milk presumably to pour on it. 

Wedged under the spoon was a small scrap of paper with almost completely illegible writing scrawled on it. It took several minutes to ascertain what it said. 

I’m sorry about last night, I hope that things can remain amicable between us. I’ll be at the stable if you feel like joining me. I’d understand if you didn’t. 

Spencer 

A smile crept to your lips and you pocketed the paper. You downed the orange juice in one before pouring the milk upon the cereal and taking the bowl and mug of tea over to the couch. 

It was almost impossible not to feel slightly scorned by his sudden change of demeanour last night. The way he’d changed so dramatically, like a light switch had been flicked had hurt and there was no other way around it. 

But that’s not to say you didn’t understand. 

It was startlingly apparent to you that Spencer had suffered some kind of psychological trauma, possibly even physical trauma. You wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’d endured some kind of sexual assault judging by the way he panicked at the simple act of your hand palming him through his slacks. 

Or were you just drawing connections where there weren’t any? He’d said himself his sexuality wavered across the spectrum, perhaps when it came down to it, the possibility of being with a woman hadn’t appealed to him and he’d overreacted.  

You didn’t intend to bring it up either way so you supposed you could either bother yourself worrying about it or just let it go. 

You chose the latter. 

You ate your cereal and drank the tea before brushing your teeth. You went to slip your sneakers on but before you reached the door, you had a change of heart.

***

“I only called because…no, no…you have to stop - please. No…I said…please just listen to me for a moment? Yes, I know…I get it I do. I-I…you’re not letting me speak. You have to…it’s been two years I…no. Please? I just want…need…to heal. Yes. No. Please can you…yes, yes I know. I need…space…more space. In time I might…I don’t kn - no, no. Okay. Thank you…I’ll try…you too.” 

You told yourself you hadn’t meant to eavesdrop again on Spencer’s phone conversation. When you’d approached the stable you’d heard his voice and at first assumed he was talking to his horses. 

But his feverish tone and staggered breaths gave you pause. You didn’t want to interrupt or interfere so you’d hung back. 

When he hung up the phone you could only assume by his fractured expression and slightly trembling hand that he’d been talking to his ex - Luke you reminded yourself - the strangely familiar Luke. 

He was sitting on a wooden chest in the far corner of the stable, opposite Willow’s paddock. He slotted the phone into his pocket and leaned forward, his casted arm cradled against his stomach while his other elbow rested on his thigh. 

His hand scored up and down his face, kneading between his brows, pinching his nose, rubbing his scratchy facial hair, back up to the nose, the brows and so on. 

You waited a little while longer to enter for two reasons. One, if you strolled in now he’d know you’d heard something and two, he clearly needed a moment. 

You leaned against the side of the stable and counted slowly to one hundred in your head before you moved back toward the door and opened it. 

The creaking of the hinges alerted Spencer to your presence and he immediately looked up, plastering a smile on his face you knew wasn’t genuine. 

“Oh, uh, hi.” He cautiously pushed himself up, groaning a little as he did so. “I, uh…wasn’t sure you’d be…here.” 

You offered him a smile in return, taking a few steps into the stable, trying to ignore the watchful eyes of the large black horse. 

You felt an uneasy pang in your chest as you took him in. He wore a pair of black jeans which fit him so well it should have been illegal, paired with a dark green button up flannel shirt. His black stetson had been replaced by a beige one with a large brim. 

His hair seemed to be perfectly curled beneath the hat as though he’d spent hours on it. The few days worth of stubble growth on his face made him appear rugged. 

He looked delectable and it didn’t seem fair. 

“Thanks for breakfast.” You spoke as you got a little closer. 

“Oh it’s no problem, I uh…” his eyes wandered, downwards to the floor and he trailed off as he noticed the fire engine red boots on your feet. His eyes snapped back up to your face. “You’re wearing the riding boots.” 

“I am.” You nodded. “You’re astute.” 

“You’re willing to learn how to ride?” He cocked an eyebrow at you. 

“I don’t feel as though I have a lot of choice in the matter, seeing as you can barely walk.” You chuckled lightly. 

“Full disclosure, I have never taught someone to ride a horse before.” 

“This is going to be fun then.” You started towards Willow’s paddock, placing your hands on the gate keeping her enclosed. 

“Oh, uh, you won’t be riding her just yet.” Spencer’s voice stopped you before you could open it. 

You looked at him over your shoulder with confusion. 

“Why?” 

“She’s more of a handful. You need to be a lot more experienced before you can handle her. But Franklin is a great horse for novices.” He moved down towards the black horse which was still giving you a stern look.

“Him? No way. He hates me.” You shook your head. 

“He does not.” Spencer scoffed, unlatching the end gate. 

“He looks at me funny.” You grumbled. 

“Did you try giving him attention?” Spencer swung open the gate and stepped inside. 

Franklin shuffled closer to him and bowed his head until it was resting on Spencer’s shoulder. In turn Spencer stroked his mane and cooed in his ear. 

“He doesn’t like to be ignored.” Spencer cradled the stallion's head while you took a few cautious steps closer. 

“He’s a horse.” You clucked somewhat indignantly. 

“A horse with feelings and a personality.” Spencer laughed, fingers brushing to and fro in his mane. “Frank is sensitive. Willow gets most of the attention around here and he feels that deeply. Wilbur is aloof, doesn’t need the same level of attention. As long as he’s being fed and groomed he’s pretty content. 

“Willow is my main companion and she goes everywhere with me and it does grate on Frank. He gets jealous I suppose. He would have seen you bringing Willow home and thought there’s someone else who prefers her over me. I’d bet you didn’t even try to engage him?” 

“He scared me, I guess, the way he was looking at me. I didn’t want to get my hand bitten off.”

To this, Spencer laughed again, edging himself away from Franklin and closer to you. He held out his good hand palm side up, fingers spread. 

“Put your hand in mine, back of the hand to my palm.” He looked at you encouragingly. 

You swallowed thickly, tentatively stepping inside Frank’s paddock. You did as Spencer instructed and cradled the back of your hand against his palm. 

Spencer’s fingers thread through yours and moved both your entwined hands closer to the horse's head. 

Spencer didn’t have to do all the work as Franklin met you halfway, practically forcing the side of his face into your palm. 

He made a soft sound of content by way of air rushing out of his large nostrils as he nuzzled against you. Spencer wiggled his fingers, which moved yours too, so you were scratching the horse's coarse head. 

“See?” Spencer smiled at you. “He likes you already. Try taking your other hand and brushing it through his mane, he likes that.” 

Rolling your lip between your teeth, you raised your other hand towards his hair. You curled your fingers and brushed your knuckles through his thick, dark mane. 

Once again Franklin huffed out a breath of thanks. A soft giggle left your lips at the sound he made and Spencer was smiling to himself, unable to stop watching you. 

Even when you started moving your hand of your own accord, Spencer kept his fingers laced with yours, allowing you to move his too. 

“Maybe he’s not so bad.” You agreed, making quiet clicking sounds with your tongue against your teeth which Franklin seemed receptive to. 

“Trust me when I say he’s the horse you want to practise on. Wilbur’s all about speed, Willow is tempermental unless you know her like I do. But Frank is as laid back as they come.” Reluctantly, Spencer let his hand slip from yours but you continued stroking him. 

“Okay, so how does one ride a horse?” You asked without looking at him.

“One must first learn how to properly saddle a horse.” He chuckled, limping back over towards the wall where the saddle equipment hung. 

Spencer had already fitted Franklin’s bridle which was tied to the fence in his paddock in anticipation of this. He grabbed one of the brushes off the wall and limped back over to you. 

“First we’re gonna need to groom him.” He sidled around you, side stepping you and trying to ignore the pulsing in his knee as he trod precariously. 

You heard the overt puff of air leave his lips and glanced at him, at the reddening in his ears and cheeks, his stiff jaw. 

“You okay?” You removed one hand from Franklin and reached for him but he brushed you off. 

“Fine, fine.” He shook it off. “Just, keep doing what you’re doing.” 

His jaw remained clenched while he went about brushing down Franklin’s back and you remained stroking his face. Spencer gave attention to the horse's sides, his belly and rear before running the brush through his tail and then passing it to you to do the same to his mane. 

Keeping one hand on Franklin’s snout you used the other to brush his knotty locks and he huffed again in appreciation. 

Spencer hobbled around you, back to the wall and then returned with something for which swapped with you for the brush. 

“This is a saddle pad. It helps protect his back and keep the saddle in place.” He guided you without touching you to Franklin’s left side. “It wants to sit just below his mane.” 

You draped the slightly squishy fabric over Frank’s back, as instructed, letting it rest just beneath the stallion's mane. 

“Is that okay?” You looked back at Spencer who was nodding. 

“Perfect. Can you…” he nodded towards the wall. “Grab the saddle closest to us?” 

He was bent over a little, massaging his knee between his fingers. You understood that he was struggling with the simple back and forth. 

You slid past him and unhooked the saddle from its wall mounted position and carried it back into Frank’s paddock. 

“So this is the saddle horn,” he pointed to one end which protruded from the leather saddle, almost looking like the top of a stick shift. “You want this at the front. Place the saddle on his back just like with the pad…yep that’s it. Toss the stirrup and the cinches up so they are out of the way.” 

You did as he said before turning to him with a flourish of your hands. 

“I’m a natural.” You joked. 

Spencer simply rolled his eyes. 

“Give it a little rock back and forth to make sure it’s sitting comfortably. Great, looks good and make sure the centre of the saddle is lined up with his spine.” Spencer inspected it himself. “The stirrups should be even on both sides and the saddle should be just below his shoulder blades.” 

You fidgeted with the saddle a little, ensuring it was in the correct position. Spencer shuffled it down slightly before giving a nod of approval. 

“Okay now we need to secure the front cinch, this is really important. So you’re going to pull the cinch under his belly, towards you, and slip the latigo strap down through the cinch buckle. Pull it all the way through and make sure neither the cinch nor the latigo strap are twisted.” He pointed out each new thing he explained. 

“Like this?” You worked on following his instruction. 

“Perfect. Now lift the latigo and slip it through the saddle’s D-ring, from outside-in and leaving the ring angled towards the left. Make the cinch snug, but not overly so. Do the same again a few times if there’s still a lot of length left in the latigo strap. Yeah, that’s great.” He nodded. 

Spencer continued to talk you through the process and you followed each step. When confused you asked questions and he was quick to explain himself. 

You then moved onto securing the rear cinch. Franklin remained still throughout the whole thing, clearly used to this procedure. 

“Great, that looks great. Now if you were on your own you’d untie his reins from the fence before mounting him but in the interest of everyone’s safety I can untie it after you’re up.” Spencer took a step back. 

“Okay, how does this part work then?” You gulped, a sudden flood of nerves washing over you. 

“You’ll be fine,” Spencer tried to sooth you, sensing your fears. “Step up on that mounting block for me.” 

You turned around and spotted the little wooden steps you assumed he meant and climbed up them. Spencer meanwhile clicked his tongue at Franklin and with a series of hand gestures the horse was moving into place next to you. 

“What are you, the horse whisperer?” You scoffed. 

Spencer placed his hand on the side of Franklin’s neck to keep him still although Franklin could usually be trusted he didn’t want to take any chances.

“Okay use your left hand to grip the saddle horn and your left foot in the stirrup. That’s it. Rest your weight on the ball of your foot, shift your body weight onto your mounting foot and swing your other leg over the top of the horse. One swift move.” 

You sucked in a breath and before you could let the nerves get the better of you, you took the leap. Using your left foot to take most of your weight, you swung your right leg up and over his body, plopping down into the saddle and making Franklin jolt a little. 

“Oof, careful. Next time try to slowly lower yourself down.” Spencer chuckled, giving Frank a pat. “You alright boy?” 

“Sorry,” you baulked. 

“It’s okay, he’s tough, he can handle it. Get your right foot in that stirrup.” Spencer rounded the horse, making quick work of untying the reins from the fence. “Right I’ll keep hold of these while we head up to the field. Once we’re in there I’ll give them to you and give you some pointers. You good to go Frank?” 

With a light tug on the reins, Frank neighed at his owner before he jolted forward. You wobbled in the saddle, your right hand joining your left on the horn and holding on for dear life. 

Spencer used the reins to guide Franklin out of the stable and briefly let them go so he could latch the door closed behind you. 

Moving again and you wobbled once more, the ground beneath you not entirely level and you felt yourself swaying side to side.

“You sure this is safe?” You whined a little. 

“Very, Frank knows what he’s doing, trust me.” Spencer chuckled. 

“I, uh…whoa, Jesus.” You groaned as you wobbled to the left. “This does not feel natural.” 

“Tell you the truth, I hated horse riding when I first moved out here.” Spencer told you as he led the horse up towards the field. 

It was a slight incline and you felt yourself slipping back a little, hitting the raised back of the saddle and whining a little. 

“You? Mister big tough cowboy?” You clucked but your voice gave way to your nerves.

“Not always the case. I had these crises of faith where I just thought, what the hell have I done? I don’t even like horses!” He chuckled. As if he understood, Franklin made a noise of frustration. “Calm down Frank, that was a long time ago.” 

“What was it about this place for you? You wanted to get away, to escape your city life, I get that. But why here specifically?” You tried to hide the tremor in your voice as Franklin dipped while he walked. 

“I wanted a simple life I guess.” Spencer shrugged, looking a little wistful. “My whole life people have depended on me, ever since I was a little kid. I’d been in the same job since I was twenty two years old and although I loved it, it took a toll on me, both mentally and physically. I couldn’t keep up with the demands and I’d always appreciated the idea of living off the grid with nothing but land and animals to rely on me. It’s…I suppose it’s rewarding in its own way and I still needed something to occupy me so I figured why not this.” 

You mused over his words, your eyebrows furrowed whilst trying to ignore the way you bucked as Franklin moved. 

“Spencer, you weren’t a psychology professor, were you?” You dared ask. 

His back straightened a little as you reached the brow of the hill and he continued down as you had to brace yourself on the horn. 

“No, I wasn’t. I mean, yeah I was for a while. I lectured from time to time. But no, it wasn’t my main profession.” He confessed, swallowing thickly. 

“What did you do?” 

“If it’s okay with you, I don’t want to talk about it. I spent fifteen years of my life being defined by my job and part of the appeal of this place is that no one knows who I was in my former life. I might tell you, one day, but for now I’d rather not be that person anymore.” 

You couldn’t argue with that. You also favoured not being defined by your past. It didn’t matter where he’d come from, what he’d done for a living, the same way it didn’t matter where you’d been. All that mattered was the two of you were here now. 

“Understood. I don’t mean to pry.” You replied and Spencer offered you a small smile in return. Still holding onto the saddle horn for dear life, the path started to flatten out but was still bumpy under Franklin’s hooves. 

Soon you came across a large fenced off area with a ravine babbling just behind it. Spencer had to briefly drop the reins so he could open the gate before leading Frank inside. 

You watched Spencer inquisitively. You did understand not wanting to reveal too much of your personal life but it didn’t stop you wanting to know more about him. 

He was a mystery, you couldn’t work him out. But you wanted to. You wanted to know everything about him. Maybe one day he’d feel comfortable opening up to you, and perhaps you’d even return the favour. 

But for now he remained an enigma.

***

After a fairly rocky first horse riding lesson in which you were convinced you were going to die at the hands of this horse, you helped Spencer clean the stables and feed his animals. 

He made sandwiches for lunch as well as honey and lemon tea. After lunch he’d introduced you to his cattle. 

When he noticed you wincing as you walked he offered you some hydrocortisone ointment, telling you it was normal for your thighs to chafe when you were learning to ride.

The ointment helped and it was a good job too as you had to walk into town to collect your car. Spencer tried to insist he could cope with the walk but you’d seen the way he’d been grimacing all day and you insisted he stay behind. 

You found an ice pack in his freezer and forced him to sit down and ice his knee. It didn’t take a lot of convincing.

He’d called in an order at Busbee’s BBQ which you would collect while you were in town for dinner. 

It was little under a two mile walk which you didn’t remember being so long in your drunken state yesterday. The sun was setting and thankfully the heat and humidity had died down but it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience. 

You found the BBQ joint with relative ease, just a little way down the road from where you parked your car the previous day. A handsome man named Grant handed you your food with a dazzling smile. You tipped him generously. 

You made quick work driving back to the ranch and carried the food up to Spencer’s lodge, your thighs rubbing from your walk and the horse. You headed up the stairs, the light from the living room illuminating your path. 

Spencer wasn’t where you left him on the couch and the ice pack was discarded on the floor in a little puddle where it had started to melt. You weren’t sure why but the hairs on the back of your neck were standing to attention in an instant, your gut telling you something wasn’t right. 

You put the bags of food on the kitchen counter and padded towards the closed bedroom door, taking quiet, even steps. You breathed silently, pressing your ear against the wood. 

You didn’t hear much other than slightly ragged breaths, sharply inhaling and then exhaling with aggression. Your first thought was that Spencer was indulging in some alone time and you almost turned and left, not wanting to invade his privacy again. 

But then you heard a sound which was more of a moan of pain than one of pleasure. He’d been struggling all day with his knee, that much was obvious. Maybe he needed some assistance. 

You gently rapped on the door with your knuckles and called his name. No response. You tried again but still no reply. 

You weighed up your options. On one hand you didn’t want to irritate him by just barging in, he might not be responding because he didn’t want to see you. But on the other hand he could be really hurt and would you be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t try to help?

You knocked again, spoke his name a little louder. You were met with no more than a grunt. 

“Spencer?” You tried again, louder still. “Spencer, I’m going to need you to let me know you’re okay.” 

Yet more silence. 

“Spencer, if you don’t answer me I am going to come in. If you don’t want that then tell me now, otherwise I am opening this door.” You paused, held your breath. No answer. “Fine, I’m coming in.” 

You gripped the handle, pushed open the door. 

A cursory glance around the room and your heart tightened in your chest, your body momentarily going limp at the sight in front of you. 

Spencer sat on the edge of his bed, naked from the waist up. At his feet on the floor were the smashed remains of his old cell phone. But that wasn’t what alarmed you. 

In his limp right hand a silver piece of metal glistened as it caught the light. But it was his left bicep for which you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

His left bicep and the fresh open wound which was spitting with blood, caking his arm, dripping onto the bed sheets. 

But the scariest part of all was how Spencer didn’t even seem to notice. He didn’t seem aware that you were even there. 

His expressionless eyes were trained somewhere across the room, his chapped lips moving as though he were chanting.

“S-Spencer?” You croaked but he didn’t register you. 

You swallowed, unsticking your tongue from the roof of your mouth and cautiously approaching him. When you drew closer you could hear a haggard, monotone whisper of words leaving his lips. 

You crouched in front of his eyeline to try and get his attention but even when he had nowhere else to look, his eyes bore through you like you weren’t even there. 

And he continued to mutter under his breath, “I am still whole. I am still whole. I am still whole.” 

@kalulakunundrum @small-and-violent @voledart @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3

[web-novel-polls]

Aroace-spec Character Losers' Tournament

[Please vote for who you believe has the most canon evidence to be aroace-spec, not the most popular. It will never be acceptable to post "anti-propaganda" in this tournament or invalidate a suggested identity because "they're not aroace enough." You will be blocked unless it's clearly a genuine mistake / misphrasing.]

Propaganda underneath the cut

Shen Qingqiu from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: Gay Asexual

I mean have you met the man? "Assuming you're straight because you feel nothing towards either sex but you have to be the default, right? before realizing you're romantically attracted to someone but not realizing you're romantically attracted to someone because it doesn't feel like sexual attraction which is how allos explain what love is until the romantic attraction hits you like a sledge hammer" is both a common ace experience and absolutely his story arc. Also I would have submitted him sooner but I thought he was a shoe in

Submission 2:

Asexual, somewhere on the aro spectrum - I would have submitted him earlier but based on the tags I assumed I wouldn't need to and didn't want op to be spammed with too many submissions ;_; anyhow he's here now!

Mod Propaganda

Was completely okay with not marrying anyone (because all the women in the world “belong to the protagonist”)

So fucking weird about sex. He has to mentally contort his brain seven ways to Sunday to even IMAGINE fucking someone (earning him the title of “most homophobic gay person”)

“He’s not gay, Binghe is”

Reads bad erotica and then complains about the plot inconsistencies

Accidentally wife beams/romances pretty much every single character he meets

Kim Dokja from Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint

Submission 1: demiromantic graysexual, romance/sex indifferent

bc yoohankim is the most qpr qpr to ever qpr

Submission 2: demiromantic graysexual

yoohankim is soo queerplatonic it makes my chest hurt. and ysa and kdj are THE qpr ever. also i read the submissions list and my jaw deadass dropped when i saw that someone else had the exact same kdj hcs as me like asjdnghfdhdbn!ksnk#**#*@*

[the-s1lly-corner]

Which of the creepypastas would be okay with an asexual s/o?

Creepypastas w/ an ace!reader!

yahoo!! sorry for taking so long to get to this!! i kinda had a small lil slump for a few days but im back!! sorry for any typos or if these seem... bllluguuguh!!! im still trying to get through that lil slump so my brains still a lil... boo!!! obligatory these are with characters that i think would be compatible with an ace reader so this isnt going to follow my base/go to list of characters! a lot of these are going to dip into admins experience as someone on the ace spectrum (asexual/aegosexual!) reader is written as vague ace identity but like. mostly involved to be ace. admittedly this leans more into most of this being ace hcs since i think for the most part they dont care/dont find issue with your identity

Characters: Slenderman, Trenderman, Eyeless Jack, Masky

CWs: mentions of sex but like. nothing too bad mostly just vague sex drives and that sort of thing, really!

Slenderman;

honestly i think he might be on the ace spectrum, or maybe thats because i dont think he really knows what sex /is/

okay well he does know what it is but he only understands it on a surface level, but otherwise he doesnt really care much for it in an everyday setting

yeah i think hes on the spectrum; i also think he might be on the aro spectrum!

only really initiates intimacy if you want it (reminder that not all aces dont have sex! attraction stuff is the main thing) but otherwise i would write him the same way as i do with a non-asexual reader!

extra headannon since his is kinda short but really hes probably the most supportive out of any creepypasta simply because i like to write him as this entity that doesnt interact much with others but is still. curious. this man does not know what lgbtphobia is (and thinks its dumb when he does find out!)

Trenderman;

very similar with slenderman but more in tuned with identity stuff and things like that

personally i hc him to be greysexual, or demisexual! i think trender is like. the only one out of the 3 brothers (that i claim) that i dont see being ready to get down and dirty? like unlike slender he KNOWS what it is and understands attraction and all that but just doesnt. feel it

so he gets it! he interacts with people more than slender but like. not openly, i mean like not as himsef?! this is kind of a side tangent but i like to think that slender beings can create false human bodies and trender is the main one who uses it

anyways! im kind of getting off topic

he understands the stigma and hate ace people can get so out of the four characters today i think he would be the most likely to offer an ear when youre getting flack

i wish i had more for trender as well but this is genuinely the first time ive written for him so im still all OWOWOOOUGH!! with how i wanna portray him

speaking of i need to do like a catch up post for him, and some other characters so i might do that soon^^

Eyeless Jack;

okay so! the two above characters are fine with it because theyre on the spectrum above but i feel like eyeless jack just outright doesnt care if your ace or not since he has a fairly low sex drive 99% of the time

sappy man, one of those "i prefer people based on their personality rather than their looks" but not in the "im so deep for this and im lying through my teeth" way i (personally) see people say (school was ROUGH man) but in a "im literally turning into a monster my skin is fucking blue and starting to rot i have no place to say anything" way

anyways

he adores you so so much and he really feels like he doesnt deserve you, bro could not care

probably tries to find flowers around his cabin that make up the ace flag/which ever flag you use

though im not sure how many grey flowers there are... hes trying his best!

Masky;

similar to eyeless jack he has a low sex drive imo so it isnt too much of a big deal to him, plus i think hes graysexual? at least i feel like he would if he knew about the label

i think asides slender and trender, he doesnt know much about this sort of thing so youre probably going to explain it to him

he mostly gets it! he gets things mixed up but hes trying his best!

overall supportive bf!! probably steals a pride pin from somewhere (dont ask)

imagine he grabs the wrong pin/j

wweoeoeohh! i hope this post is okay! admittedly i wasnt sure how this was going to turn out since, as stated above, i feel that a lot of the characters wouldnt mind/are on the spectrum themselves im not gonna lie this couldve been better but im so out of it rn that my brain is all scattered n stuff :( regardless i hope this is sufficient, and once again im so sorry for the wait TToTT

[the-kingshound]

wait Yniol is graysexual??? as a gray aroace this made me so happy :') sorry for being surprised, I'm pretty new here

will Hound be able to share their experience with asexuality/graysexuality too? my Hound would honestly be very happy to know they're not alone, be that platonic or romantic attraction between them

Don't worry, I reblogged that post for the exact purpose of letting new followers/readers know about Yniol's sexuality!

The Hound can be asexual and/or aromatic, so yes, once Yniol has that discussion MC can share their experience too. I imagine it would be a moment of bonding between the two.

Same with Evaine and being trans (I mean, MC will have a conversation with each RO they are involved with about that, but in general a trans MC can share a slightly different moment with Evaine as an ace MC can with Yniol).

Note that MC can have those discussion if they are romantically pursuing them, or if they are very close platonically and as such the ROs will open up more (or MC will)

A last note: Adrei is aroace, so MC did have at least one family member they could kinda relate to

[ace-exploring]

Do I have any grayace book recs?

Short answer: no.

Here's why: I primarily read either YA or very adult smut. In YA, the characters are usually experiencing their 'firsts' and very few of them have the self-awareness or maturity to know that they are any kind of ace. YA is still under-represented in gay and sapphic lit, and 'ace' feels even more niche than that. A lack of attraction doesn't really mean anything as a teen, because a) everyone develops differently and b) it's so much more romantic if the love interest is your first love ever (barring unrequited crushes). If you're sixteen and experiencing sexual attraction for the first time, is it because that's completely normal or is it because you've met the exact person that you're sexually attracted to? (please read the rest of this post before you jump on me, I promise I go into this more and I am not erasing teen aces! I am only speaking from MY experience as an adult reader of teen books.)

Teen books with asexual but not aromantic main characters that I have read and can recommend:

What We Devour by Linsey Miller, however this also goes heavy into self-harm as a form of magic so maybe tread lightly if you're a teen, speak to an adult about it. Incidentally, THIS was the book that first triggered the idea that maybe my experience wasn't mainstream. I'm not sure if the main character is graysexual: I need to read it again.

Deathless Divide (Dread Nation #2) by Justina Ireland, but read the first one, too, because it's awesome. Also, I can't specifically remember if the character (Katherine) is aromantic as well, it's been a few years since I read it, and I read it before I realised I was ace, so I didn't actually pick up on Katherine's asexuality until much later.

I'm grayace and I didn't figure it out until I was 35, so I don't really expect teens to know and understand asexuality. I am still amazed that people younger than 18 identify as asexual, and that's purely because they're still in school and likely haven't travelled widely or met a whole bunch of people, so how do they even know who they're attracted to? Also, I'm asexual, so I never experienced sexual attraction as a teen and part of me still thinks it's all just an elaborate hoax. When I was 18 I had no idea I was asexual. I just thought everyone else were complete horndogs and I was the only normal person around.

That leads me to the very adult smut I read. I also don't expect to find a bunch of asexual people in adult smut. This is because, well, they're horny motherf*ckers. I'm still waiting (wading) to find characters who have an aesthetic but not sexual attraction. Unfortunately, most of the adult smut I read are very heavy on the sexual attraction and not so much into romantic attraction or development, let alone emotional or aesthetic attraction.

And part of the reason for this is because if you want to write a romance book, especially a smut book, with an asexual character, that WILL turn a LOT of mainstream romance readers off, because they do not understand what asexuality is. They think it means sex-repulsed.

Adult books with an asexual but not aromantic main character that I have read and can recommend:

Role Playing by Cathie Yardley - demisexual biromantic male lead.

More Than I Can Bear (Ursa Shifters #4) by Sam Hall - demisexual female lead, but she has multiple love interests so this is NOT a mainstream romance.

I also want to mention BUT DO NOT RECOMMEND AT ALL the Fifty Shades of Grey books, because I believe Anna actually is graysexual. Until she met Christian at age 21, she had literally never been attracted to anyone else before, nor experienced any kind of sexual feelings. I identify with that HARD, having had sex for the first time when I was 22. I have not read, nor will I ever read these books, and I do not recommend them to anyone, but I do think this could have been an amazing opportunity for an actually asexual character to be thrust into the mainstream. Now, this book is actually about an abuse victim and her rich and handsome abuser, so please do not read it expecting to find ace rep. This is my headcanon and the author does not have the skill to present her as asexual, relying instead on her naivety and inexperience as part of the titillation and submissive angle.

On a side note, I am a writer, and I am currently trying to figure out how to sell an asexual/graysexual main female character in an adult smut book while appealing to the masses. It's not the writing part that I'm struggling with (see this whole-assed post I just wrote). It's the marketing.

[goddness-lunafreya]

I had promised myself that I wouldn't write any more NSFW or anything with sexually explicit language. I started writing more subjective things and leaving these scenes to the readers' imagination.

However, the Baldur's Gate 3 community shares their fics and I feel like paryeing. Even so, I don't feel very comfortable writing so explicitly again.

Since I discovered I'm demisexual (maybe I'm even Graysexual), my relationship with these types of writing has cooled. The first NSFW I read in years was Baldur's Gate 3 yesterday.

Going back to writing, especially in English (it's not my primary language), sounds strange... But sometimes it's good to get out of your comfort zone.

I came to talk about nothing like this, it's weird, sorry. I just needed to get it off my chest. What do you think? Should I write this kind of thing again or just ignore it like I've been doing the last few years?

[ourolite]

𝓒ONCEPT.ㅤ some professional boyfriend headcanons featuring xīn’yuè and a few others he figured imperative to receive attention in his overview. lil' commanding, he is. can you already imagine, or are you invested to see for yourself? if you're staying, may we interest you in a fragrance sample or two, free of charge? ℘RECAUTION.ㅤ switch fem reader, daddy kink, toys, condescending praise, slight bantering, implied exhibitionism.

༺ ceo!boyfriend who is the Chief Executive Officer of an intercontinental brand with the hall and trademark “Anzhong”; a subsidiary worldwide fashion industry with product lines that also include accessories, handbags, footwear, cosmetics, clothing, adult toys, and other minor trinkets such as writing utensils or home decor. The industry was also founded in 1928 in Lhasa, Tibet by Chagmo Kyi. You may also infer that the headquarters is located there as well, which is where the CEO in question dabbles a majority of his life besides with you or his two daughters, Maju and Blumei. There are over hundreds of active boutiques worldwide, at least 15,000 active employees, and their headquarters, which Xīn’yuè works at, is located in Lhasa, Tibet. The revenue of this company is at least 9.35 billion, making Xīn’yuè one of the richest CEOS any business has to offer. Similar to most compassionate businessmen, they soften up when it’s safe to, as it’s not considerably so in a workplace. Have to stay firm towards your subordinates, after all.

༺ ceo!boyfriend who is a spoiler as much as he doesn’t want to admit. Considering that he’s rather emotionally constipated, he utilizes his affection through quality time, affirming words, and gift showers. There are times where you receive the secretary treatment despite being the girlfriend, but he’s communicative enough to apologize for such. While the apology would always seem half-hearted and awkward, he redeems himself with a list of things since he knows the apology wasn’t the best; he truly cares for you but is only capable of showing it appropriately when he deems necessary. Relationships aren’t his forte, after all. Not only he has to worry about his career that takes up too much of his time, but his girls that also take up the little time he possesses when he’s on break. You get him to unwind often which he secretly appreciates, but outwardly he playfully reprimands or mocks you for catering to him like he’s some sort of child. You ignore him however, proceeding to give him head massages as the two of you binge your favorite show as the girls sleep. He feels safe with you. Always. But you’ll have to squint to conclude such.

༺ ceo!oc who canonically has two boyfriends. Yes, two. The phenomenon has yet to process ‘til this day, for he not only received the term and accurate accusation “bicurious” from his workout partner, Zolene Irene, but growing up in a judgmental household closes your mind in a negative manner (shout out to his strongly traditional parents that projected their opinions onto him, especially his homophobic father). Both are also spiritual entities, by the way, and as a human, it’s… overwhelming. One is a curt, cupidity maneki-neko with the name Indigo who happens to also be his financial advisor and natural migraine inducer. His other lover is a sasabonsam, a vampiric tree dweller who has yet to conclude the consequence of skipping out of work constantly just to do what he desires. Oh, I forgot to mention that they’re two Taureans. Taureans. The most obstinate Earth sign, let alone one of the three most in general. In summary, order is the last thing that household needs.

༺ ceo!boyfriend whose sex drive is on the low side of the spectrum, so you’re usually the one either engaging in sexual activities first or engaging in them by yourself; graysexuality is no joke. Generally however, he understands that you have needs, so he doesn’t mind pleasuring you when he feels comfortable despite him not feeling anything in return but genuine entertainment. Though, on another note, when you voice your outwardly desires, he not only gives you a captious expression that corresponds with his sardonic reassurance, but claims that some of the things you want from him are completely unethical. Naturally, you didn’t like this response, let alone his inability to take a moment to put himself in your shoes, so you left the idea alone. Naturally again, he felt a subtle sense of regret a while after that discussion, so he planned on how exactly he should make it up to you without giving into your desires…

ℌ Side note, for the most part, it didn’t work. He gave in.

The perspiration bubbling in the subtle arch of your back was prompted by the sudorific vibrations that emanated from the personalized bullet vibrator that was buzzing against your clit. Your tumescent bud pulsated effervescently as your hips scoured against the trembling surface, forcing moans to elude from your tepid, lazily parted lips. The vibrations were mellow and arrhythmic, hence your relatively desperate mannerisms, as you failed to reach the orgasm that was nearing, evading, nearing, and evading. With unreliable assistance, that is, seeing as the tip of the device was stagnant and pressed against your soppy clit, vibrating louder due to its inundation. If only the vibrations were just a little stronger, but even you understood that this behavior was well deserved, for you believed that guilt-tripping him for not utilizing your idea sooner was the best route.

“Can I finish now? Please? Jebel? Bài tuō?” You implored sycophantically, your blissed-out gaze imbued with lechery as your dampened lashes fluttered upwards at the one who was torturing you on the frigid surface. Obstinacy is nothing but a drug with no ideal remedy; this was evinced with the way the asshole you were star-fucking merely hummed dismissively in response, lightening the pressure from your clit just to watch the vulva quiver. The lack of the response immediately influenced your obsequious actions to falter with a miffed pout and a hip gyration; if you possessed the ability to trade places with this individual within seconds he would’ve been cumming and hyperventilating right about now.

“Sweetheart, don’t leave me like this.. Don’t you feel sorry for me? Hm? Mmmh-maybe even horny for me for once? Hm, daddy?”

The left curve of the well-adored and cross-country CEO’s lip quirked up for a moment in acknowledgment, but also derisive, once you mockingly quiered him. Everything was a muddle, a concupiscent muddle. There was no recollection of the prior events; all you remember is what’s happening now and later. What now consists of a yukata-wearing billionaire looming over the desk of his office, the glass surface besplattered with crumpled papers, prurient excretions, and excessive handprints. Then later that said inspirational figure will leave you knee-buckled and exhausted over the desk as he roughly persuaded you on why disobedience was never an option to begin with. An intense idea to state, but you’ve been through much worse, believe yourself.

“I figured it was prudent to continue stalling,” Xīn’yuè clarified vaguely in a collected tone; the eloquence parroted the tone of him relaying messages to one of his many, many subordinates despite you being nude from the waist down, tainting the glass below your ass. He predicted your protests, hence the immediate impulse to slide the bullet vibrator back inside of you, earning a sharp, shaky whimper that was immediately muted by him. He already wasn’t fond of the idea of making you cum in such a vulnerable setting; it was a miracle that neither of you were caught by a frantic employee with effervescent news. “Not only for ‘efficiency’s sake’, but to assure that any potential slip-ups—notably from you—remain a simple mystery.”

Your plush thighs trembled harshly in response, plus the clicks of the vibrator that indicated that the volume was being turned up was just as inebriating as his sardonic statements. You still couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that this was custom made for you, but you could definitely wrap your legs around his waist for ultra stability. Merino white rings enveloped around the midnight-hued toy as he fucked you with it in a gradual pace, not to mention that the name “Anzhong” was embedded within it in bullion only to be sealed with sticky cum created by you. Even the mere thought of that brought you closer, which was also determined with the way your drenched walls embraced the toy with fervor and the sibilated mantras of pleads that escaped your throat.

After acknowledging that you're close, and also annoyingly and worriedly loud, he slipped the object back out, earning not only exasperated insults disguised as guileless complaints, but an abundance of clenches that yearned for the nostalgic repletion. With a miffed, critical look, he took the cum-coated object before tapping your lips with it in order to interrupt your objections, taking the moment to keep you temporarily silenced by pushing it inside of your mouth, his fingers holding onto the ends so it doesn’t slide down your throat and asphyxiate you. His free, clammy hand however, was now placed on your exposed hip, grasping onto the flesh softly before the veins of the exterior emerged from the epidermis. Xīn’yuè’s bored look now embodied some remnants of puckishness once your silence managed to be the only thing that excited him tonight, which was concluded by the twitching awakening of his semi-hard dick.

“Now, be a good, sweet puppy and clean it up. Intractability, by definition, is something I don’t get along with often, so behave accordingly and quit whining.”

⑅ neso productions. all rights fucking reserved, do not plagiarize.

[theoreticallysensible]

I didn’t think this would bother me much but I was really disappointed by the ending of Solitaire, which I otherwise loved.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Tori and Michael’s relationship was something I related to a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been in quite as dark a place as either of them are throughout the book, but my senior school experience was similar to Tori’s, and I’ve recently become more like Michael, and found friendships similar to what they build together. These meant a lot to me because I’ve struggled with emotional intimacy, and I think I’m somewhere on the graysexual spectrum, so to see characters like Tori and Michael, who are demi-and pansexual respectively, have friendships just as deep as romance but not coded that way, despite both being interested in romance in theory - it meant a lot both in terms of representation and validation. Relationship anarchy and all that - it speaks to the graysexual and the anarchist in me 😂 (the anarchist coding pf Solitaire was also fun).

But then at the end… they kiss. And everything previous to that becomes so easy to recontextualise. All that friendship becomes unrecognised romantic tension. Tori was sadly in denial about her romantic feelings for Michael, not just unsure about an unusually close friendship. Of course, it may be that the romantic feelings arose suddenly at the end and all that truly was friendship. And of course the boundaries between the two are hazy at best at that level of intensity anyway. And of course, I can just ignore the kiss and read the story without it - those earlier pages still exist and can be separated from the later ones in my mind, and I’m mature enough to be able to self-consciously read stories how I want to - l’auteur est mort. But it still smarts.

I know Loveless exists, and I’m excited to read it, but I saw Solitaire up until The Kiss as a triumph of friendship through ambiguity - a subversion of romance tropes. It still is that, in a way - a triumph of authentic love based in friendship over Lukas’s inauthentic love based in delusional jealousy and devotion. Ellie Anderson’s essay on phenomenology and the ethics of love has a great bit on this, and it is very important… but it just got so close to what I wanted before falling back into something more familiar. Loveless, being about an aro ace character, seems like it’ll be less in that space of ambiguity, and more about the confusion of being so radically outside of it - which is valuable in its own way, but less so for me. Radio Silence looks like it’ll hit the kind of spot I’m looking for better, so fingers crossed.🤞 I’m still sad though because the character of Tori meant a lot to me and I wanted hers to be the story I connected to with this. Ah well.

(As a side note, I listened to the audiobook and then read the physical copy afterwards, and though some of the updated cultural references were nice and Charlie and Nick being more consistent with Heartstopper was cool, the increased sensitivity in those two characters made Tori’s despair feel less tragically inescapable and her new moments of sensitivity felt very jarringly censorial and out of character - it didn’t sound like her voice; maybe it was beneficial for some readers, but I feel like it was done a bit clumsily).

[fivveweeks]

anyways. Demon AU w Incubus Larry x Aroace/graysexual reader snippet

-

“So,” you start, carefully. “You’re a demon.”

A nod.

“Not just any demon, but a sex demon.”

“The correct term is Incubus,” he says. “But yes.”

You give him an once over. Neatly pressed suit, baby blue tie and slicked back hair. Thick eyebrows- and by god you can’t look away from the absolute squares they are, framing his tired eyes. It’s oddly cute on him, you have to admit. But the point being - he looks like your everyday salaryman that you see all the time in your daily commute to work, instead of a demon that fucks.

“Aren’t Incubuses supposed to,” you gesture, weakly, still in disbelief at the current predicament you’re in. He’s even got a briefcase. “I don’t know, look more… seductive?”

At once, he dips his chin, a finger coming up to hook into his necktie, the dark of his eyes boring into you as his voice lowers, purrs. All the hair on the back of your neck stands at once, a shiver rippling down your spine and through your bones. “Would you like me to be?”

Jesus Christ. “Not in my fucking house, you don’t.”

[magicaldreamfox1]

😈👀✅

hello bestieee i see u have decided to be a menace

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

not yet.

(>:3)

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

i already answered this one here !

also u Know abt my up and coming wips !!!

rn nothing's really up and coming bc im struggling a little 😔✊ newest sugar daddy au chapter killed me dead

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

hhhhhhhh idk tbh ?

u don't know this yet but ! wound care for sure. if in doubt. put wound care. is what i always say

oh also like. graysexual coded pete. i like writing him that way

otherwiseeee i think im not self aware enough for this question .... (u tell me tbh akgkdk)

send me an ask for the writer's emoji ask game!

[faetaiity]

I would just like to say thank you SO MUCH for giving out exclusively masc/gender neutral content. I have spent HOURS searching every fucking fanfic and headcanon the rottmnt fandom has to offer, and I barely ever find anything. I love seeing myself represented in the fandom, just wanna let u know that what you do is appreciated <3

Also sidenote, any sexuality/gender or pronoun headcanon for the dark!brothers? :0

There is a decent amount of GN for rottmnt on tumblr, But I can never find SHIT for Male or FtM Readers

Also, sure!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donnie is Graysexual Demiromantic, First of All, Similar to his Normal AU self, He generally wants to know someone before he dates them, UNLIKE his normal AU self, He doesn't have as many preferences, Normal! Donnie tends to have more attraction to Males, He uses He/They pronouns

Mikey is just.... a mess, They're Demisexual Panromantic, He's 100% Like their Normal Counterpart, just a little less fruity and more nutty. He uses He/They/It!

Leo's just GAY, he's a FRUIT! My Dark! AU Leo, Is 100% the same as normal leo, Graysexual Homoromantic (I accidentally used a problematic sexuality for him once, so please ignore previous posts that used the term 'skoliosexual' for him as that's offensive towards trans people ((how am I trans without knowing whats offensive to me, I have no idea)) He is GenderFaun! Often switching between He, They or It, having a preference somedays and others not!

Raph is Purely Pansexual Panromantic, He's a DemiBoy!

However, all of them are basically the same as their Normal counterparts, Maybe a little different, but not DRASTICALLY different