#greif support

[pyroburns-23]

A custom ordered plaque 💙

[hell0lala]

31. Sooky

Blood bender Katara

AU. Azula returns and she succeeds in k*lling Aang and ends the avatar cycle! Greif-stricken Katara has to step up to the plate to help defeat Azula!

Inspo: I read someone mention a long time ago that Azula had k*lled Aang in one of the avatar games. But I don't know if that was canon or not. I don't see the original poster around anymore either. But based on my Google search, Aang had lived a long life before passing on to the spirit world and making Korra the new avatar

And this concludes our peachtober/artober 2023! Thank you so much for your support during the month! I couldn't have done it without you! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[sp00pygal]

Hot take: dc x dp, but with good parents Jack and Maddie fenton.

Yes, Danny is part of the batfam. Yes, Bruce has legally adopted Danny and would have adopted jazz (if she didn't insist she was too old to be adopted). Jack is still their loving father. Maddie is still their devoted mother. Both parents recognize that their children love the batkids and the batparents (Yes, this includes Alfred and Maybe Selena) as family, and as the family doesn't seem abnormal (by amity park standards) they let their kids develop healthy relationships with whoever they want.

Madie fenton is Bruce Wayne's science nemesis. She doesn't buy "Brucie" for a second. Millionaire playboy who? Every time she picks up her kids from his house as per the shared custody agreement, she finds him tinkering with some strange device and casually points out "yknow, you have something, but it could be better if you....". She's so used to correcting her husband's math errors and design flaws that the first time she catches Bruce with an unsafe device, reflexes kick in.

Jack, on the other hand, pulls an uno reverse on Bruce. Bruce thought he was adopting a black haired and blue eyed teen with angst issues. Nope! Jack now has a new reclusive rich best friend! They're family, practically brothers! You want to run for gotham mayor and end city crime? Anything you say B-man!

Jack and Maddie start showing up to batkids's civilian events for moral support. Cassandra has a ballet recital? They're in the front seat; cheering her on! Tim has a big presentation in front of the company board of directors? Yet again, Jack and Maddie somehow got past building security; and holy heck, why do they have a "support Tim Wayne" t-shirt cannon?!!? After the 5th cookie care basket with sugar snaps that tried to eat his stapler at the bludhaven police station, Dick now has to politely ask them to stop sending food. He appreciates the effort, but the gingerbread men caused a queen of fables scare and tried to eat a convict.

Jack and Maddie know Danny is phantom. The "threats" to shoot him? He's their son! They'd never! But they can't let him know that they know, so they keep up the act half heartedly. They realize their invention killed him. They realize everything they thought they knew about ghosts was wrong. But how do you say sorry to your kid if he isn't ready to forgive you? Especially if you've wronged him infathomably. You don't. You love him unconditionally; and you live each day with him as the gift it is. And you keep his secret, even from him. You fight infathomable and terrifying monsters each night, over and over, praying that once they're gone he can sleep safely. If he ever wants to forgive you, he'll tell you; when he's ready. And if he can't? You live with what you've done, regret and greif forever seered into your soul. You know he is loved and cared for. He is protected. To you, that's all that matters.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 11- Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago

Summary: After an invitation from your cousin, you and Javi take a trip to Chicago to meet your family and attend her wedding.

Word Count: 14.6K (She's lengthy, your honor)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (do better), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, drunk sex (all consensual, obvs), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink (if you squint, but y'all already know) PTSD/anxiety around greif/loss, mentions of religion (the wedding is at a church), drinking alcohol/being drunk (that's what weddings are for, right?), your family being a hot mess but they're sweet and they love you and LOVE Javi, Javi being the best boyfriend ever 10,000 gold stars for him

A/N: Hi everyone!! Thanks for your patience as I finished cranking out this chapter (teaching is hard and children are exhausting), but we are finally done!! We are finally getting to meet Osita's family (eek!!!) and are one step closer to... THINGS *wink wink* happening hehehehe As always, thank you so much for your comments and reblogs, I love these two more than life and you supporting my lil stories means the world to me 🥺💕 My goal is to have chapter 12 done in the next two-ish weeks, thank you for your patience!

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

“No, I know, Mom. Yes, I promise I will let her know by today. You understand why I’m having a hard time with this, right? I understand that Charlie and David are going. Okay. Yes. I know. I know, Mom. Tell Dad I say hi, too. Okay, love you too, bye.” 

Javi could practically hear your exasperated sighs down the hallway, coming home from work to find you on the phone, hands rubbing against your temples as you finished your conversation with your mom. Since moving into your apartment together, Javi had become familiar with the routine of you taking time to talk to your mom once a week, even offering to hop on the call quickly to say hello if he was home. It was something he could tell you normally seemed to look forward to, seeing how much you missed your family considering it was September, and you hadn’t seen them since you moved to Texas in January. That’s why when he heard the frustration and annoyance over the phone, he gave you a concerned look that you quickly tried to brush away. 

“Your mom?” Javi asked, hanging up his suit jacket on the back of the kitchen chair as he made his way over to you, giving you a quick kiss hello, wrapping his arm around your waist as you set down the phone. 

“Yeah. Yeah, it was my mom.” You huffed, Javi looking at you in confusion as an unfamiliar scowl covered your face. 

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked, prompting you to come sit with him on the couch. You curled up next to him, laying your head in his lap as he played with the ends of your hair, waiting patiently to hear what had been bothering you so much from your phone call. 

“It’s my mom just being my mom.” You grumbled, pushing your face deeper into Javi’s thigh, trying to relieve some of the pressure building in your temples, making your head hurt. Javi could tell you were holding back, now taking his other hand to trace circles along your shoulder blades, trying to coax an answer out of you. He had come to learn that if something was bothering you, your stubbornness did not allude well to you sharing, insisting that you were fine until he was persistent enough to get it out of you. 

Guess all those years of interrogation in the DEA were still good for something. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be so grumpy after talking on the phone with your mom, and you guys talk all the time. What’s going on, Hermosa?” 

Letting out a deep breath, you rolled over, the back of your head resting in Javi’s lap so you could look at him, those stupid, sweet chocolate eyes already staring back at you.  “Fine, you win again, puppy dog eyes Peña. My cousin Kelly is getting married in a month. I was supposed to RSVP for us last week since she gave me a plus one, but I couldn’t make up my mind, so my mom has been trying to stall for me, but she said Kelly needs to know her final head count by tomorrow.” 

“Why don’t you want to go? I feel like I’ve heard you talk about Kelly, it seems like the two of you are pretty close?” Javi prodded, still knowing there was something you weren’t telling him. 

“It’s in Chicago.” 

Ah. There it was. 

As much as you missed your family, there was a reason you hadn’t been back to Chicago since you moved to Laredo. Not because you didn’t want to see them. Not because you didn’t miss Chicago. Not even because you were worried about running into Paul. You didn’t want to go back to Chicago, because you hadn’t been there since your brother died. It was easy to blame your shitty ex for your cross country move, and that was a story that people seemed to understand without question. What they were missing was the real reason you up and left Chicago as fast as you did. It was because Patrick had died in December, and it took less than a month for you to realize you needed to be as far away from the memory of him as possible. Your parents had offered multiple times for you to come back and visit. They had even offered to pay for your flight to and from Texas to see them. Everytime you found yourself close to saying yes, you found that unpacked “Chicago” box staring at you in your living room, telling you that you just couldn’t do it yet. You hadn’t gone back, because that meant you had to face all of the things that you ran halfway across the country from. And that reason was much harder to explain as to how you had found yourself all the way in Laredo, Texas. 

“You want me to be honest with you, Osita?” He looked down at you, fingers still curling around the ends of your hair in his lap. 

“I guess.” You grumbled, letting out another sigh. 

“It would be stupid for you to not go.” 

“Javi you know that-“ you retorted, pushing yourself up to sit next to him. 

“I know. I know what you’re gonna say. I get it. It took me a fucking decade to really face any of my family after my mom died because I thought it would be easier to ignore it. It wasn’t. It was still painful as fuck, and I wish I would have just ripped the bandaid off sooner. Your family misses you, baby. You can’t ignore it forever.” He leaned over to press a kiss against your temple, you still sulking in your silence. “When were you gonna tell me that you got a plus one to this thing, huh?” He smirked at you, finally getting a smile to curve from the ends of your lips. 

“Never. I was planning on taking your Dad since I know he won’t pester me about doing the right thing and he’s more fun than you anyways.” You smirked back at him giving Javi a nudge before laying your head back down on his lap. You took a deep breath before you spoke again, closing your eyes with your exhale. “I know that you know you’re right, you don’t need to rub it in. You really think I should go? You’d come with me?” You glanced up at him as he smiled down at you. 

“I thought I wasn’t invited.” He winked at you as you shook your head. 

“Pendejo.” 

“You love me. Yes, Osita. Of course I’ll come with you. I’d love to finally meet your family and be your date to the wedding.” That finally got you to smile, wrapping your arms around his leg, squeezing him tightly. 

“Listen, don’t feel like you have to though, okay? I know it means you’re gonna have to take time off, and get plane tickets and-” 

“Osita, I’m going with you. I think Morris would be fuckin’ relieved if I finally used some of my vacation days. Don’t worry about the tickets either.” He leaned down, pressing a kiss into the top of your head, feeling the smile of his lips against you. 

“Okay. Thanks, Javi. I’m really excited for you to meet Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago.” You laughed to yourself, pausing at Javi’s silence as he looked at you in confusion. “Abe Froman? The Sausage King of Chicago? Ferris Buler’s Day Off? Please tell me you’ve seen Ferris Buler’s Day off?” You were now back to sitting upright, looking at Javi in shock. 

“Osita, who the fuck is Abe Froman?” Javi chuckled at you shaking your head in humor thinking he had any idea what you were talking about. 

“The Sausage King of Chicago!!!” You grabbed his shoulders and shook him before he reciprocated, grabbing you back and playfully shaking you just as hard. “Fine, it looks like we’re watching Ferris Buler’s Day Off before we leave.” 

“I don’t understand how this doesn’t make you nervous.” Your leg bounced frantically as you sat outside the bench of your airport terminal, glancing over at Javi, who couldn’t have looked less bothered, flipping through the pages of one of the books he had brought to read on the plane. 

“Baby, if you keep bouncing your leg like that, you’re gonna put a goddamn hole in the floor.” He laughed, tucking his book back in his bag as wrapped his large palm around your knee, trying to settle your leg back into a resting position. “I promise it’ll be fine, it’s a 3 hour flight, it’ll go by fast.” 

“That’s easy for you to say, you flew everywhere, all the time. I just don’t understand how thinking about the fact that we’re gonna be in a giant tin can, thousands of feet up in the air going hundreds of miles per hour, at the mercy of a dude who you just hope knows how to fly you to your destination doesn’t make you feel like you’re gonna shit your pants.” Javi draped his forearm across your lap, keeping both legs from bouncing as the leg he had left uncovered had quickly begun tapping against the tile floor. 

Now boarding flight 1605 to Chicago, Illinois. Passengers, please have your boarding passes ready. 

“Oh shit. Okay. I guess that means we’re getting on this metal death trap. Do you have our boarding passes? They’re in your bag right? You have all our-” Javi swallowed the rest of your sentence as he cusped your face, pulling you in for a soft kiss. 

“I have it all. I promise it’ll be okay. C’mon, Osita.” He smiled, interlocking his hand with yours as he slung his backpack over his shoulder, walking you towards the gate. 

Javi was thankful for both your sakes that it didn’t take long to board your flight, offering to suffer in the middle seat, hoping that letting you look out the tiny window of the plane would potentially ease some of your horrendous flying anxiety. Knowing you, it wasn’t a shock to Javi to find out that the thing that made you most stressed about flying is that you had absolutely no control over what was happening, which, to be fair, he couldn’t totally blame you for. As you had been waiting, you had been listening to your Walkman, putting an excessive number of CDs in Javi’s bag, not sure which one was going to make you feel the safest in the soda can you were about to take flight in. You had settled on listening to the Beatles Greatest Hits, hoping that blasting the familiar songs through your headphones would at least bring you a little comfort. Javi’s hand never left your leg, tracing small circles against your jeans as he thumbed through the pages of his book. Your music was loud enough that you hadn’t heard the flight attendants make the announcement that you were about to begin takeoff, so the sudden movement of the plane down the runway had you death gripping around Javi’s forearm and scrunching your eyes closed. Without saying a word, he took one of his hands and intertwined it with yours rubbing his thumb across your soft skin. You had no interest in reciprocating Javi’s gentle touch, you were grasping on to his hand so hard, he was convinced you were trying to break a bone. You spent the entire flight with your eyes closed and holding on to Javi, finally feeling like you could breathe again once you had landed, and Javi finally feeling the circulation of his blood flow coming back to his hand. 

After picking up your bags, you were able to quickly hail down a taxi, insisting to your parents that if they were going to let you stay for the weekend, you weren’t going to make them drive all the way out to the airport to pick you up. They had reluctantly agreed, and you couldn’t have been more thankful, needing the extra 45 minutes in the cab to try and calm your nerves before facing your family for the first time in 9 months. Although Javi had tried to give you your space on the plane, he could sense the stress in the cab ride to your family home was of a much more intense and gut wrenching caliber than on your flight. “You doing okay, hermosa?” he asked softly, leaning over to press a kiss into your shoulder as you stared out the window at the skyline. 

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m okay.” You replied, Javi less than convinced by your response. Trying to think of anything to help ease your mind, he looked out at the city from his own window before turning back to you. 

“What’s your favorite place to go downtown?” He asked, squeezing your hand, giving you a look that said I know you don’t believe it, but I promise it’s going to be okay. 

You smiled back at him, nodding at his question as if to thank him for bringing up something to distract you on your drive. “Chicago Stadium where the Blackhawks used to play. They tore it down a few years ago to build a new arena, but I have lots of memories of going to watch games there with my brothers and dad as a kid. I always really liked going to the Shedd Aquarium, too. Well, after I found out that you weren’t allowed to feed your younger sister to the sharks when your parents weren’t looking, despite what my brothers told me.” The both of you laughed, the drive passing quickly as you shared more stories of the happy memories of your life long before Laredo. 

A strange feeling washed over you as you pulled down the familiar street of your childhood home. The quiet suburban road was lined with tall trees, their leaves painted deep red and orange, gently falling in the crisp October wind. The homes were rich with charm and character, neatly placed along the sidewalk, mentally counting down how many left there were to pass until you finally arrived at yours. It was an eerie feeling pulling up to the last house on Coachman Drive, wondering to yourself how on the outside, it looked like a day hadn’t passed since you’d lived there, yet on the inside, everything had been turned upside down. 

“Fuck, it’s cold. Is it always this fuckin’ cold here?” Javi shivered as he pulled your suitcases out of the trunk of the cab, the two of you beginning your journey up the pathway to your front door. 

“I forget you’ve been spoiled with warm weather your entire life.” You laughed, watching Javi already struggle with the stark change in temperature. “It’s only 55 degrees, it’s not even that bad! Remind me that if we come back in the winter, I’m gonna need to get you an Alaskan grade snowsuit, cause you are not gonna be happy with how cold it really gets.” You paused as the two of you reached the front door, taking one last deep breath in as you placed your hand on the cold metal of the handle, almost as if you were bracing yourself for the last moment of separation you had between you and your past. 

“Hey.” Javi placed his hand over yours. “It’s gonna be okay. I love you.” He looked down at you, giving a reassuring nod as you mustered up the best smile you could, twisting the handle of the door as you stepped in through the doorway. 

“Hey, it’s me! Anyone home?” You shouted into the entryway, looking up the stairs and into the living room for any signs of your family. “Hello?” You looked at Javi and shrugged as you kicked your shoes off by the door, walking deeper into the home. Just as you were about to turn the corner into the dining room, you felt two hands wrap around your shoulders from behind, quickly shifting to put you in a headlock. 

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”

‘David, you asshole, let me go!” You squirmed in your brother’s grasp, sharply jabbing him in the stomach making him grunt and release you. 

“C’mon, Cubby, that’s no way to say hello to your favorite brother that you missed oh so much.” He teased, playfully punching at you. 

“Bold of you to assume that you’re my favorite, or that I missed you.” You rolled your eyes at David before smiling and pulling him in for a hug, shaking each other in your tight squeeze. 

“AUNTIE BEAR!” A little voice shrieked from down the hallway, tiny feet patterning against the tile floor as a small body came barreling towards you, smiling at the sweet nicknames from your family you had missed so dearly. 

“Olivia come here, sweetie!” You crouched down extending your arms to your niece, scooping her up and spinning her. “Oh I missed you so much, cutie patootie! How’s first grade? Are you being a good role model for your classmates?” 

“Yes, Auntie Bear, I promise! I was Star of the Week last week in my class!” Olivia’s little voice giggled as you pecked her with kisses before setting her back down. “Tell her Daddy, tell her how I was star of the week!” She beamed as Charlie peeked down the hallway, grinning at you as you ran into him for a hug. 

“Hey, Bear Cub. It’s good to see you. Missed havin’ you around.” Charlie smiled at you as he ruffled the hair on your head, taking a much gentler approach to his greeting than your other brother. 

“Oh honey is that you? Greg! Turn off the damn game, your daughter is here!” You could hear your mom rushing out of the family room, laughing as she barricaded through your brothers, squeezing you in her grasp. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m so happy you’re here. We’ve missed you so much. I was just telling- GREG! I SWEAR. HOCKEY WILL STILL BE ON LATER, YOUR LITERAL CHILD IS STANDING AT THE DOOR.” 

“Jesus, woman, I’m coming! I heard you the first time, I’m trying not to throw out my goddamn back getting out of my chair!” You dad sauntered down the hallway, grumbling to himself. “Hey, kiddo.” Your dad wrapped his arm around your shoulder, rubbing a noogie in your arm. “Missed you, bud.” 

“I missed all of you guys too.” You smiled out looking at your family, the ache in your chest starting to ease, replaced by a familiar comfort of the chaos being surrounded by the people you loved. 

“Who’s that guy?” Olivia pointed at Javi, who was looking very overwhelmed by the whirlwind greeting that had just taken place. You looked back at him, reaching out to grab his hand, giving him an apologetic look that you had completely forgotten to introduce him in the rapid fire reunion that had occurred. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! Everyone, this is Javi!” You gestured at him as you began to roll call the family member surrounding you. “Javi, these are my brothers, David and Charlie.” 

“Nice to meet you guys.” Javi outstretched his arm, shaking both your brother’s hands, the two nodding back. 

“Likewise, Jav. Heard a lot about ya.” Charlie smiled, releasing his hand from Javi’s to give him a pat on the shoulder. 

“And these are my mom and dad.” You gestured over to the older couple standing in front of you as Javi stepped forward, hand open and ready to shake. 

“It’s so nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs.-” 

“Oh please.” Your mom swatted at Javi before pulling him in for a hug. “Pam and Greg will do just fine. It’s very nice to meet you, Javi. We’ve heard so much about you. We’re thrilled that you could come, we have been just dying to finally meet you!” 

“That’s very kind of you. It’s great to finally meet all of you, too. Thank you so much for letting me stay.” Javi smiled at your parents, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze as he stepped back closer to you after saying hello. 

“Oh he is so polite! And handsome honey, oh my god!” Your mom more than whispered as she leaned over towards you. 

“I heard that, Pam.” Your dad groaned, making the two of you laugh. 

“Excuse me?” Olivia sassed, looking at you with her arms crossed over her chest, making you laugh at how witty she already was at just 6 years old. 

“Sorry sweetie, how could I forget? Jav, this is my niece, Olivia.” Javi crouched down to Olivia’s level, holding out his hand for a high-five, Olivia quickly using all her might to give him one back. 

“Oh man, you’re strong!” He laughed, pretending to shake out his hand in pain from Olivia’s forceful high-five. “It’s nice to meet you, Olivia. Your aunt talks about you all the time.” Javi smiled at you before standing back up. 

“It’s ‘cause she’s my favorite aunt, even though she’s my only aunt. It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Javi.”

“Wait, I just realized, where are Natalie and Brianna?” You looked at Charlie, puzzled by where his wife and your other niece were. Charlie chuckled as he scooped Olivia back up into his arms, making his way towards the door to put on his shoes. 

“Well considering that Natalie is almost 8 months pregnant and exhausted and we have a 3 year old who needs to sleep, they’re still both at home. They’ll be at the wedding tomorrow, though. And speaking of which, Little Miss, it is already wayyy past your bedtime. I told you we could stay until Auntie Bear got home, and then we’d have to go. Give her one last kiss and you’ll see her tomorrow, okay?” Charlie held Olivia up to your cheek, letting her give you a kiss before a yawn escaped from her pouty face. 

“Daddy can’t we stay just a little bit longer, pleaseeee?” Olivia whined, giving her dad her best puppy eyes. 

“Yeah, c’mon Charlie, just a little bit longer? Pleaseeee?” You laughed as your face mirrored Olivia’s, not taking Charlie very long to give in to your request. 

“Fine. Until the end of the game and then we have to go. No if’s, and’s or but’s, missy.” 

“… Butts.” David snickered to himself as you rolled your eyes. 

“You are worse than a literal six year old, I swear, David. Thank you, Charlie. Let us just go put our stuff away and then we’ll be back down, okay?” You smiled at your family as you nudged Javi to grab his bag and follow you upstairs. 

"I gotta grab something from my room, too. Here, I’ll help you take up your guys' stuff.” David smiled, looking back at your family, giving them a reassuring nod before grabbing one of the bags by your feet as the three of you made your way up the stairs to the second level. As you got to the top of the staircase, you paused, taking a deep breath as Javi and David continued down the hallway. “So Cubby, how’s it been with-” He turned around, now realizing you were no longer following along, staring blankly at the first bedroom down the hall. The joy you had just felt from your greeting now draining from your body, leaving you feeling numb. 

Patrick’s room. 

“I knew this was gonna fucking happen. Cubby. Listen to me.” David retracted his steps, now standing in front of you, grabbing you by the shoulders and forcing you to look at him, an unusually stern and serious look growing across his face. “You gotta let it go. You don’t have to forget, but you can’t be mad about it anymore, dude. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. Okay, that’s not true, it’s the Army’s fault, those fuckers, but there’s nothing more that you could have done. He’d beat the shit out of you if he knew how mad at yourself you still were. Let it go.” You and David weren’t one for ever being sentimental with each other. Hell, before Patrick died, the closest sentiment you had ever given each other was refraining to not wrestle the other to the ground for the entire day. That’s why when David wrapped his arms around you for a hug, a real hug, you could feel something inside you shift, like the tiniest bit of guilt had begun to lift off your shoulders, that there was a truth to his words that you alone weren’t the one to blame. “Okay, okay, that’s long enough, the hug can end now.” David stuck out his tongue before taking his arms and shoving you away, breaking your somber stare, turning it into smiles. 

“Thanks, David. You didn’t really need anything from up here, did you?” You half smirked at him, trying not to let him know how much his pep talk had meant to you. 

“Of course I didn’t, idiot. I mean it, Cubby. Don’t take too long up here, lovebirds. Remember, we share a thin ass wall and I don’t need to hear you two going at it all night.” He punched your arm before passing by Javi, giving him a Pat on the back before making his way back downstairs. 

“Jesus, David!” You groaned, covering your face over your hands as you looked back up at Javi. “I told you this house was a shitshow, and this is down a brother.” You gestured towards Patrick’s door before grabbing the rest of your bags and heading down the hallway to your old bedroom. Javi laughed, following behind you. 

“Your family’s funny as hell. I’ve been here 20 minutes and can already understand why the iguana only made it a day.” He nudged you as you opened the door to your bedroom, pausing a moment before his next question. 

“Yeah, they’re funny, but this is them on their best behavior. I called my mom and practically had to beg her to make sure no one did anything too embarrassing, and this is still what we get.” You grunted as you swung your suitcase up onto your bed, looking around to find your room in the exact same state it was before you had moved out and left for college. To be quite honest, Javi wasn’t shocked to find that your childhood bedroom probably could have been mistaken for one of your brothers- your dark blue walls covered in Chicago Blackhawks pictures and pennants, a giant Star Wars poster next to your dresser, medals and trophies of little golden hockey players lining your shelves. As he walked over to a desk in the corner of the room, he saw dozens of old photos, mostly of you and your family, but a few of just you as a kid with your wide, toothy grin, drowning in whatever hockey jersey you had gotten that season. Javi laughed to himself, holding up one of a tiny you, beaming as you raised a trophy above your head, missing nearly half your teeth, your face red and sweaty as you sat on top of who looked to be your dad’s shoulders. Sneaking up behind him you wrapped your arms around Javi’s stomach, pressing your chest into his back now giggling at the photo he was holding. “That was the first year my parents let me play with my brothers. I was so determined all season long to score a goal all season. First and only one was the one that won our team the championship that year. It’s all been downhill since then.” 

“God, you were fuckin’ cute. Our kids better look like you.” He turned around resting his hands on your hips as you rolled your eyes at him. 

“You’re very sweet, but let’s hope we can spare them that pain. I will be very disappointed if they don’t have your adorable puppy dog eyes, although, if that’s the case, I’m gonna have to get really good at learning how to say no so I don’t give into their cuteness.” Javi shook his head, caging his chest against yours as he pulled you in tight. “Thank you, Javi.” You whispered against the soft fabric of his shirt, the familiar scent of his sweet and spicy cologne filling your nostrils as you leaned your head on his body. 

“For what, Osita?” He asked, taking one of his hands as he palmed the back of your head, running his hands through the ends of your hair. 

“I don’t know, I just- I know my family is a lot, and you flew with me all the way from Texas just to meet them, and- shit, on top of that, I’m dealing you the tragically dead brother card, and you’ve just been so great and understanding. So just- thank you, is what I’m trying to say. Thank you for all of this.” You took in a deep breath, squeezing yourself tighter against Javi’s chest. 

“Hey.” He dragged his hand from the back of your head to your cheek, his fingers feathering over your skin. “I appreciate it, but you don’t need to thank me for anything. I love you. I’d do anything for you, Hermosa. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life, even the parts of it that hurt.” Javi dragged his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tears that had started falling, pressing a gentle kiss on the top of your head. 

“Anything? You’d eat a pile of dog shit for me?” You tried to laugh through your tears, making Javi’s eyes roll. 

“Anything within reason, you idiot. You’re not any better than David.” 

“Hey, you take that back, that’s a low blow, even for you Javier Peña.” The two of you were both laughing, taking one last deep breath to press up on your tiptoes to kiss Javi before opening up your suitcase to dig out some of the pajamas bottoms you had packed. Stripping out of your jeans, you shuffled through your closet, pulling out a well worn Blackhawks crewneck and slipping it on before sitting down on the bed to watch Javi rummage through his own suitcase. 

“You sure it’s okay if I change? I wanna make a good impression on your parents.” He huffed, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt he had packed. 

“Did you meet my family? Javi, to be completely honest with you, I am shocked my dad even had the decency to put pants on before he came out to say hi to us. You’re more than welcome to keep on what you have on, but you don’t have to worry about making a good impression. I promise, they really like you. My parents never told Paul to call them Pam and Greg in the whole 3 years we dated. Plus, I also very selfishly want to see you in those gray sweatpants.” You smirked as Javi undid his belt, pushing his jeans to the floor before grabbing his sweatpants and shuffling them on, his shirt quickly following suit. 

“I don’t understand what it is with you and these fucking sweatpants.” He laughed, pulling you up to stand from the edge of the bed as you outstretched your arms toward him. 

“You already know exactly why, Javi. And if we weren’t trying to share this tiny bed and my parents and David weren’t on either side of these paper thin walls, you best believe I would be showing you just how much I appreciate them. Thank God Kelly’s wedding is far enough away and everyone likes to drink enough to get hotel rooms for tomorrow.” You reached down, palming Javi’s dick in his sweatpants, making him bite down on his lip before taking his hand and grabbing your wrist. 

“Don’t…” He warned, trying his best to be stern, even though you could clearly tell he wasn’t that upset by your gesture. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, is this coming from the man who fucked me in his bathroom on his birthday, surrounded by all of his closest friends and family? Two can play at that game, baby.” You winked, giving his crotch one more squeeze before running out of the bedroom as Javi adjusted himself, following behind you down the hallway. 

……. 

“Your fucking team is kicking our ass.” You dad grumbled as you and Javi entered the family room, where your parents, brothers and niece were gathered on the couch, surrounding the TV. 

“GREG! Your granddaughter is right there!” Your mom slapped your dad across the couch as he held up his arms in defense. 

“They are, Pam!” Your dad retorted, angrily pointing at the screen, playing the Blackhawks vs. Dallas Stars game, the Blackhawks down by 2 with only 5 minutes left. 

“It’s okay.” Olivia chimed in, peeking up from the drawing she was working on. “Daddy said that swearing during hockey doesn’t count, but Daddy says I can’t tell Mommy that.” 

“Nice parenting, Charlie.” Your mom turned to the opposite side of the couch, now slapping your brother. 

“Okay, listen, I will root for Dallas if they’re playing anyone else but the Hawks. They are not my team, they just happen to be the only hockey team in a thousand mile radius since Texas is a hockey wasteland. Blame him, not me.” You pointed at Javi, giving him a playful shove as you both  sat down next to Olivia on the floor. 

“I don’t know, I really thought my team was the Red Wings, you guys really like them too, right?” Javi chuckled, trying to inflict as much sarcasm as possible to make sure his joke stuck. Considering your family spoke sarcasm fluently, Javi was relieved to find your family laughing to themselves, your dad reaching down from the couch to put a hand on Javi’s shoulder, shaking it in delight. 

“Good man, Javi. She’s taught ya well. I was worried that- Oh motherfucker, you call that a penalty?!” Greg screamed at the TV, you, David and Charlie all following suit. 

“GREG! LANGUAGE!” 

“SORRY!” 

It was now your mom’s turn to reach down and touch Javi’s shoulder as she mumbled in his ear. “I am so sorry about them. She’s no better than the boys, I’m afraid. I swear, sometimes she was the hardest to raise because she was always trying to prove a point to her brothers. She is a tough cookie though, I’ll give her that. Sorry if you’ve got your hands full with her.” Your mom laughed, patting Javi’s back. 

“I can definitely see where she gets it from. She’s stubborn as hell, I’ll give her that, but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as smart and determined as her.” He looked over at you, beaming with pride as you shouted with your brothers at the TV before turning back to Pam. “I love that about her.” 

You turned your head back around to see Javi smiling at you, and your mom smiling at Javi, giving them a confused look as you raised an eyebrow at them. “Are you two talking about me?” 

“Maybe.” Javi smirked, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he leaned you over to ruffle your hair before pressing a kiss into your forehead. Suddenly, you felt a little hand tapping on your leg, looking over to see Olivia holding several books in your direction. 

“Auntie Bear, will you read me a book before I have to go? You’re better at the voices than Daddy, even though he says he is.” Olivia pleaded, placing the books in your lap. 

“Of course, cutie pie. Here, pick which one you want and let’s go over to the living room so we don’t have to listen to Grandpa and Uncle David and Daddy yell at the game.” The both of you giggled as you stood up, Olivia picking up a book before quickly using her free hand to grab yours as you walked across the family room. After taking a few steps, Olivia paused, whispering something into your ear before pointing back at Javi. You grinned, nodding your head, before gesturing over to him, as Olivia quickly made her way back, poking Javi on the shoulder. 

“Mr. Javi, do you wanna read with us?” She asked with her toothy grin, holding the book she had chosen up in front of her. Javi was taken aback, eyes going wide, gulping as he looked back at you. He didn’t know why such a simple question had made him so nervous. Maybe it was because he knew how much you loved Olivia, or the fact that the last thing he wanted to do was make a bad impression, your family thinking he was trying to insert himself to prove that he fit in. 

“Uh, I don’t know, Olivia, are you-” 

“She’s the one who asked.” You smirked at him. “In her defense, she did pick out a really good book.” 

“You sure?” He smiled at Olivia, now squealing with excitement as she jumped up and down, clutching her book, nodding her head frantically. “Okay, you’re gonna have to help me though, your Aunt told me that you’re a really good reader.” Javi grunted as he pushed himself off the floor, following the two of you to the living room. 

“I’ve been practicing lots. Okay, Auntie Bear, you sit here, and Mr. Javi, you sit here, and I sit in the middle and hold the book.” Olivia nodded defiantly, plopping herself in the middle of the couch. 

“What are we reading today, missy?” You asked, pointing down to the book Olivia was holding. 

“Tacky the Penguin! Mrs. Meadows my teacher read it but it’s only good if you do the voices extra funny, okay?” Olivia glared at the both of you as she opened to the first page. 

“Extra funny voices, got it. You got that, Mr. Javi?” You winked, giving him a pinch on his cheek as he shook his head, wondering what he had gotten himself into. 

“Got it.” 

Finally noticing what was happening, Charlie elbowed both your parents, gesturing towards you and Javi sitting on one of the loveseats in the living room, Olivia happily squished between the two of you, holding out her book. The 3 of you were in hysterics, dying at the ridiculous voice Javi had attempted for one of the characters Oliva had assigned him, which she clearly had deemed to be funny enough for her liking.  

“He’s a good one, huh?” Charlie smirked, your family close to tears watching the glow that had suddenly gone black 9 months ago, slowly begin to shine again with Javi by your side. Your parents looked at each other, quietly nodding to themselves. 

“Yeah. He’s a good one.” 

It hadn’t taken long last night for Olivia’s one read aloud request to turn into 4 more, your yawns and blinks of your heavy lids against your tired eyes growing more frequent with each page. Halfway through your last book, you and Olivia were curled up against each other, fast asleep. Letting the two of you rest, Javi had spent the rest of his night with your parents and brothers, shocked by how quick they were to treat him like he had been a part of your family for years. Javi shared about your life in Texas- how proud he was of you for all you had been through, how he couldn’t have been more thankful you had quite literally bumped into him at a time in his life he couldn’t have needed more, and just how goddamn happy you made him. In exchange, your family shared stories of your past with Javi, about the stubborn and sweet child you were and the ridiculous things you did with your brothers that didn’t surprise Javi in the slightest. Hours flew by like minutes, and already way later than he had expected to be out, Charlie had just agreed to spend the night, helping to haul his sleepy daughter up to his old bedroom, while Javi helped to haul an even sleepier you up to yours, David, on the other hand, was laughing at both of you in the background, glad that he wasn’t responsible for anyone. Your parents had very adamantly insisted that there would be plenty of coffee downstairs in the morning and for Javi to not be shy and take as much as he wanted when he woke up. 

When Javi awoke to the sunrise spilling through your curtains and rustling leaves rustling in the harsh October wind, he was glad that your parents had been so persistent in making sure he got coffee. The tiny bed the two of you shared, plus the time squished in the middle seat on yesterday’s flight hadn’t done any favors for his back, finding himself already wide awake as you still laid face down, snoring into your pillow. Giving you a kiss on the shoulder and throwing on a shirt, Javi made his way downstairs to find your dad and brothers standing half awake, sipping on their own cups of coffee with the sounds of Sports Center in the background. 

“Morning.” David mumbled, taking a drawn out sip of his coffee. “Mugs are up there.” He pointed up at one of the cabinets above the coffee pot for Javi as he reached up to pour himself a generous cup. “Had a feeling you would make good on the coffee offer, you striked me as an early riser.” 

“Well being hunched in on a plane and trying to share a bed with a human starfish wasn’t really helping in the sleep department.” Javi mumbled, the men’s sleepy laughter filling the quiet kitchen. “Hey, listen.” Javi paused, taking a sip of his drink before speaking. “I uh- I just wanted to say thank you again for letting me stay and making me feel so welcome. I was really happy when she said that she wanted to come this weekend. I know she really misses you guys. I can see why.” The 3 nodded at Javi, soft and sympathetic smiles creeping up the corners of their cheeks. Greg set down his mug, taking a deep breath before looking up at Javi. 

“Javi, I think we should be the ones thanking you. We were so worried about our Bear Cub after what happened to Patrick. She just… She wasn’t the same. I know she’s tough. To be honest, she’s probably tougher than these two assholes.” He gestured towards Charlie and David, shrugging, not seeming offended in the slightest. “All winter after she moved, even when we talked with her on the phone, you could just hear it in her voice how much she hurt. Killed us to think of how much she was beatin’ herself up over something she couldn’t have controlled. And then, right around the end of the school year, she started to sound more like herself. We couldn’t believe it. Turns out, it was right around the time she met you. Seeing her yesterday… seeing that she was the same, happy kid she used to be before all of this? Because of you? We owe ya, Javi.” Grabbing his shoulder, your dad stared at him for a moment before embracing him in a bear hug, patting him on the back. 

“And now, my dad has officially only given you one less hug than he’s ever given either of us. It’s high praise.” David chuckled as Greg rolled his eyes at his comment. 

“Maybe if you two weren’t such idiots, the number would be higher.” 

“Fair.” Charlie and David agreed in unison, grimacing as they sipped their coffee. 

“He’s being serious though, Javi. It’s been so long since we’ve seen her this happy. Thanks for takin’ care of her.” Charlie raised his mug at Javi after finishing his swig, the steam still dancing off the bitter liquid. 

Javi stood for a moment, staring down into his cup, his heart beginning to race. This wasn’t how he had planned to ask the question that was now stirring at the forefront of his brain. He had wanted to do it later, to find a time before the wedding where he could talk to your dad and brothers in a much more awake and less pajamaed state than the 4 of them found themselves in now. But he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He could feel the pounding in his chest with each second that passed, palms sweating around the ceramic of his coffee mug, trying to muster up the courage and find the words he wanted to say. He took a deep inhale, his breath shaking with the long exhale that followed. 

“You good, Jav?” David asked, looking back and forth between his brother and dad, confused as to why his demeanor had shifted so suddenly. 

“Oh yeah, yeah, I just- shit. This- This wasn’t how I was planning on doing this…” Javi took one more long breath to compose himself, trying his best to work through the intensity of the nerves flowing through his body. “I know you said that you think I’ve made her happy. Truth is, I had really kind of given up on ever finding someone who was ever gonna make me remotely happy until I met your daughter and your guy’s sister. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I’ve never met anyone like her. I still can’t figure out what she sees in me, or what the hell I ever did to deserve someone like her. I know… I know it’s fast, but I’ve never been so sure about something in my life. I’ve known since the day I met her. I know all of you mean so much to her, and I wanted to ask all of you. I love her more than anything. More than I even knew was possible. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her, to be everything she needs, if she’ll let me, cause I think we all know how goddamn stubborn she is, and she would be just fine without me. I guess…. What I’m trying to say is… I love her, would you give me your permission to ask to marry your-”

“OH MY GOD, IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?!” Your mom shrieked as she snuck up behind the boys in the kitchen, making them all jump out of their skin as they held their hands against their chests, catching their breath from the shock she had just given them. 

“JESUS, PAM.” Greg choked out, sputtering between his labored wheezes. “I’m not gonna make it to their goddamn wedding if you give me a heart attack before I even get a chance to tell the kid yes!” 

Javi’s head shot up, his jaw hanging half open, trying to make sure he had really just heard what your dad had said. “Wait… did you just-”

“Of course he’s saying yes, Javi! Well even if he’s not, I’m saying yes! Oh come here!” Your mom outstretched her arms draped in her fuzzy bathrobe as she grabbed Javi in for a hug. “You’re saying yes, right Greg?” She shot a deadly look at her husband, now holding up his hands in defense. 

“Yes, yes! Of course I’m saying yes, I’m not a fucking idiot! You two morons agree, right?” Your dad pointed at your brothers, now laughing to themselves as they watched Javi caught in the middle of their parents bickering. 

“Welcome to the shit show, brother.” David and Charlie stood around both sides of Javi, squishing him sandwich style as David noogied his head, abruptly coming to a halt as everyone heard your sleepy voice traveling down the stairs, into the kitchen. 

“What the hell are you guys yelling about so early?” You grumbled, outstretching your arms over your head as you let out a yawn. The rest of your family froze, suspiciously looking back and forth amongst each other, waiting for someone to speak. 

“Uh… Javi said he would let us teach him how to skate next time you guys came around, isn’t that right, Jav?” David rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor, trying to elbow Javi in his side to get him to respond. 

“Uh, yeah? Yeah! That’s what we were talking about. Yeah, next time we come here, I’ll try skating.” Javi replied resistantly, realizing he had never been more thankful for your barely awake state, leaving him and your family in the clear. 

“Actually? That’ll be a sight to see.” You yawned again, rubbing your face over your hands, everyone else letting out a silent sigh of relief. “Is there any coffee left?” 

The rest of the morning was spent preparing to leave for your cousin’s wedding, your mom insistent on the fact all of you needed plenty of time to prep before her big day. Your family quickly scarfed down breakfast before you and Javi found yourselves back in your old room, repacking your barely opened suitcase as Javi tried his best to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. Ever since you had made your way downstairs this morning, your family had been acting weirder than normal, Javi included. You were trying your best to not read too much into it, but as you sat on the top of your suitcase, fighting with your zipper to get it to close and you caught Javi lovingly staring at you in the midst of your luggage battle, you knew something had to be up. 

“You okay?” You grunted, finally getting your suitcase all the way closed. 

“Hmmmmm?” Javi shook his head, snapping himself out of whatever day dream he was stuck in. 

“You’re being… Weird. All of you guys. What are you all up to?” You interrogated, pointing a finger at Javi, scrunching your nose in frustration. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hermosa. Just excited for this wedding.” He smirked, helping you to stand as you outstretched your arms towards him, snaking his hands around your waist as you met, chest to chest. 

“Really? You’re that excited for a stuffy, uptight wedding for one of my cousins you’ve never met? Nice try, Peña. I know there’s something going on, I’ll figure it out eventually.” You raised an eyebrow at him as you poked his chest, making the both of you giggle.

“Alright detective. What if I am that excited, huh? It’s been years since I’ve been to a wedding, and it’s the first one I’ve ever gone to with you. Plus, I’ve never seen you all dressed up before. You always look fucking gorgeous, but fuck, I’m really looking forward to whatever you’re wearing tonight.” He hid his head in the crook of your neck, placing soft kisses along your skin, his hot breath dancing around your ear. “Looking even more forward to taking it off later.” 

“You’re a fucking menace, Jesus Christ, Javi.” You fought with everything in you to push him away, finding yourself dangerously close to pouncing on him right here in your childhood bedroom. “Believe me, I am too. I can’t even look at you or you’re gonna make me lose my goddamn mind. Get your sexy ass downstairs so we can get to this hotel.” 

“Yes ma’am.” He winked, giving your ass one more good squeeze before grabbing his bag and heading downstairs. 

“Ridiculous…” You mumbled to yourself, lugging your suitcase behind him. 

While you would have loved Javi’s first trip to Chicago to be one filled with sightseeing and visiting your favorite hidden gems downtown, Kelly’s packed and extravagant wedding itinerary left you with very little time to do anything besides check into your hotel room and get ready before her ceremony. You had always gotten along with Kelly- she was your age, your families were close, and it was easy to bond over playing pranks and torturing your brothers together. For as well as the two of you got along, you and Kelly definitely had different tastes when it came to pretty much everything. When you had gotten her invitation, it wasn’t much of a shock to find out that she was having her reception at the Drake, one of the most upscale and gaudy hotels in all of downtown Chicago, preceded by a ceremony at St. Peter’s. Kelly was one for, well, extravagance, to say the least. 

Given your family’s inability to be on time for anything, you had found yourselves leaving your house much later than expected, and you and Javi rushed to check in so you had enough time to get ready for a 2 o’clock ceremony. As much as you and Javi both wanted to, you both had enough sensibility to know there wasn’t even close to enough time even for a quickie, having to share a speed shower with no funny business before Javi left you in the bathroom to finish getting your hair and makeup done. He would have given anything to even just stay and watch you get ready, as it had quickly become one of his favorite pastimes, but your brothers and dad had roped him into getting drinks with them at the hotel bar while the girls finished up in their rooms. 

The invitation for Kelly’s wedding had very specifically said that this was a black tie only event, which again, didn’t come as much of a surprise to you, but that did mean you had made one too many trips to the mall in the past month to try and find something acceptable enough for her formal request. You had settled on a black satin midi dress that seemed to tightly hug your curves in all the right places, with a slit that creeped just a touch past appropriate up your thigh. Finally finished with your hair and makeup, you slipped yourself into the dress, fighting to get your zipper all the way up your back without Javi’s help. As much as you hated them, your mom had insisted on the fact that you had be an adult about it and wear heels, picking a strappy black pair to match your dress, you had gone with shoes with the most reasonable height you could get away with. You touched up your hair and makeup before stepping back to give yourself a once over in the mirror before heading downstairs. 

Shit, you clean up pretty damn good. 

You were surprised to find yourself the last of your family members to meet in the hotel lobby, everyone else already crowding around the bar, chatting away as they waited for you before cramming into the car to drive over to the ceremony. Of course David was the first one to notice you as you walked up to join the group, not letting any opportunity to give you shit pass him by. 

“Well damn, how many people on the crisis team did you have up there to make you look like a half presentable human being?” David snickered as you slapped his chest with your purse. 

“That’s funny, I didn’t know this was a circus sponsored event, I’m surprised that Kelly would want to invite a clown to her wedding, asshole.” You grumbled, rolling your eyes at David as the rest of your family turned around to greet you. 

Javi immediately perked up as he heard your voice, breaking from the conversation he was having with Charlie, whipping his head in your direction. As soon as his eyes met you, his jaw just about dropped to the floor, raising a hand to his face, covering his mouth hanging open agape. You were no better, looking through the crowd at Javi to find him not just dressed in a suit, but a tuxedo, complete with a black bowtie and tight suit jacket that just about brought you to your damn knees. The two of you stood frozen as your family began to move around you, collectively making your way to the doors of the lobby to leave, your mom grabbing your arm to tell you something about how you looked nice and that we needed to go, but with the way you found yourself gawking at Javi, you couldn’t have really told you a single word that she had said. The two of you found yourself at the back of the crowd as Javi walked towards you, his tongue darting out of his mouth as he licked his lower lip, you biting down on yours, wondering how the hell he had gotten even more handsome as he approached you. 

“Fuck me, Osita…” He rasped, his eyes glancing up and down the length of your body before leaning in for a gentle kiss. “Jesus Christ, you look fucking… Fuck, you look fucking stunning.” He reached down to interlock his hand with yours as the two of you began following behind your family. 

“Me?! Javi what the fuck, since when were you gonna tell me that you owned a goddamn tux? Oh. My. God.” You shook your head, barely able to peel your eyes off Javi and how good he looked. 

“When I started working as an attaché for the DEA, they made me get one in case I had any bullshit, ass-kissing dinner parties I had to go to. Only had to wear it twice, but figured now would be another good time to break it out.” He smirked, giving him a nudge as you watched him peek over his shoulder to get a better look at the way your dress hugged against your ass, taking a deep breath as the two of you made your way outside to join your family at the car. “Goddamn, Hermosa, I’m really gonna have to be on my best behavior tonight, aren’t I?” 

“Not if anyone catches you.” You winked as you ducked your head into the car, squishing yourself between your brothers to find a seat. 

Pulling up to the church just in time, your family tucked into one of the back pews, politely chatting with friends and family members until the processional music had begun, and the wedding party had begun making its way down the aisle. You couldn’t help but bite down on your lip and grin as you watched Kelly make her way through the church in her white, flowy gown, imagining what it would be like for it to be you in her place, walking to meet Javi, waiting there for you to finally be his wife. As you watched, Javi wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer as his fingertips dug gently into your hips, as if to say “Soon, I promise”. 

The joy of the moment quickly came to a halt as Kelly met her future husband Mark at the altar and you were hit by the reality of the fact that you were about to have to sit through a full Catholic Mass. Your family had never been religious, your parents often claiming if God was real, he wouldn’t have cursed them with the hell on earth that was raising you and your brothers. Truth be told, Kelly wasn’t really either, but your Uncle Matt, Kelly’s Dad, always loved to try and prove he was just a little bit better than the rest of his family, so even if your cousins were only “Christmas Mass Catholics”, of course he was going to find the biggest, most beautiful church downtown for his daughter to get married in. 15 minutes into the ceremony, you were already beyond lost, wondering why you had already stood up and sat down 4 different types, looking over at Javi, making him laugh as you grimaced your face at the priest who was chanting some sing-songy prayer you couldn’t understand. All of a sudden, you were following Javi and the rest of the church as they got down to kneel, giving him a confused look as to how he seemed to know it was coming next. 

“I didn’t think you were religious?” You whispered into his ear, trying to keep your eyes facing forward at the altar. 

“I’m not.” He chuckled quietly to himself before quietly replying. 

“Then why does it look like you know what the hell you're doing?” You mumbled, both pulling out a book from the shelf on the back of the pews, mimicking the crowd around you. 

“Because my parents were, and I still got dragged to church with them every Sunday until I left for college. Never really believed this shit then, definitely didn’t after I left for Colombia.” Javi shrugged, helping you back up to stand. “You’re not, are you? I’m gonna assume no, considering how lost you’ve looked the past 20 minutes.” He glanced down at you, smirking. 

“Yeah, that would be a big, fat no.” The two of you snickered quietly, looking over to see a frail older lady with wiry silver hair now shushing you and Javi with a menacing glare on her face. Both of you grimaced, trying to keep from bursting into laughter as you turned away. “So you wouldn’t wanna get married in a Church?” You sighed, realizing you were back to kneeling again. 

“No, not at all.” Javi grunted as he got down to join you, resting his forearms against the back of the pew as he leaned over to you, his hot breath hitting your neck. “Although… I do always like seeing you on your knees.” 

“Javi!” You reached over, swatting him in the stomach, perhaps a little too loudly, as the same elderly woman who had shushed you a few moments ago was now giving you both the death glare. This time you couldn’t help but keep your laughter uncontained, resting your heads against each other as you giggled over the terrible chanting voices in the background. 

You couldn’t have been more thankful that the rest of the ceremony seemed to go by quickly, happily finding yourself on your second drink as cocktail hour back at the reception was underway. Your little bit of liquid courage was enough to get you through the never ending parade of “Hellos”, “Is this your boyfriend?” And sympathetic “How are you doing since Patrick passed?” From your friends and family, Javi’s hand squeezed tightly in yours, never leaving your side, unless you asked him to go get you another drink to help you through the relentless interrogations. 

With the reception close to staring, you and Javi went to go find your table, relieved to have a moment of peace as you found no one else had come to sit down yet, finally giving you two a moment alone. “You doing okay, Osita?” Javi asked, rubbing his hand along your back as you finished off the rest of your gin and tonic, opting for something stronger than beer to get you through the night. “Yeah, only because it seems like the bartender is making these extra strong.” You laughed, swirling around the melted ice in your glass. “I’m okay because I have you with me.” You giggled, Javi laughing along with you, already able to tell that you were a little tipsy as you stood up out of your chair. “And on that cute note, I’m gonna go run to the bathroom really quick before all this starts. I love you, handsome.” You pressed a quick kiss into his cheek as you wandered through the crowd, Javi happily taking an extra long look at the way your ass swayed in your dress as you moved. 

“Hi Mr. Javi!” A little voice squeaked, tugging on the sleeve of Javi’s suit jacket. 

“Hey, Olivia!” Javi smiled, looking over to see both of your nieces and your brother standing next to him. 

“You know where Bear Cub went?” Charlie asked, looking around the crowd, distress spreading across his face as he held Brianna, your 3 year old niece, crying in his arms. 

“Bathroom, why?” Javi asked, sensing the desperation in your brother’s tone as he rocked his sobbing daughter, Olivia already comfortably climbing up into the seat next to Javi after pulling the coloring book and crayons out of the bag Charlie had strapped over his shoulder. 

“Shit… Look, I’m sorry to do this man, do you mind watching Olivia until she comes back?” 

“Brianna had an accident.” Olivia chimed in nonchalantly, picking up a pink crayon to color in one of the balloons she was working on in her coloring book. “She’s got pee all in her underwear.” 

Javi tried his best not to laugh, nodding to Charlie as your brother rushed off with Brianna. “What are you working on?” Javi looked over at Olivia, gesturing to the page she was very intensely focused on coloring. 

“It’s a picture of a puppy with balloons, but I’m making them pink and blue because I like pink and Auntie Bear likes blue. Here, you color this one.” She assertively shoved the coloring book in between her and Javi, Javi picking up a gray crayon from the box to start coloring the elephant Olivia had demanded he worked on. “Do you love Auntie Bear?” Olivia prodded, not even bothering to look up from the puppy she was tracing with her brown crayon. Javi froze for a moment, taken aback by the 6 year old’s bluntness and curiosity. 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I love your Aunt a lot.” Javi smiled at Olivia as the two of them exchanged crayons. 

“So why haven’t you married her like Kelly and Mr. Mark yet? Isn’t that what grownups do when they love each other?” Javi took a sip of his drink, not realizing he was going to have to justify his life choices to your niece over a coloring book. 

“Well yeah, it’s what a lot of grownups do, I guess. I want to marry her, I just haven’t asked her yet.” Javi took a deep breath, wondering how a first grader was prying this information out of him. 

“Well why haven’t you done it yet?” Olivia sassed, crossing her little arms over her chest as she looked at Javi. 

“Well, it’s not that simple.” Javi answered, shaking his head as he continued coloring the picture in front of him. 

“It seems like it is. If you ask her I know Auntie Bear will say yes. She loves you a lot more than Mr. Paul. She never smiled around him and she always smiles when she’s with you.” Javi sighed, setting down his crayon to look at Olivia. 

“Well she makes me smile a lot, too. Don’t worry, I’m gonna ask her soon.” 

“Really?!” Olivia squealed, bouncing up and down in her seat. “And then you’ll be Uncle Javi instead of Mr. Javi?!” 

Javi grinned, a soft smile creeping across his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess so, huh?” 

“What are you two cuties talking about, huh?” Javi unaware of your presence behind him, making him shoot up as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

“Well Mr. Javi and I were coloring and he said that pretty soon he’s gonna be Uncle Javi and that he’s gonna-” 

“Hey, you guys! Who colored that ugly ass elephant?” David joked as the rest of your family joined you, Javi and Olivia at your table, Javi absolutely relieved by your brother’s insult of his poor art skills to stop Olivia from going any further. You couldn’t help but feel heat flush over your face, knowing exactly what those two had been talking about, biting down on your lip as you gave Javi a little nudge. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to. Javi’s pink cheeks and flustered face told you everything you needed to know. Javier Peña was going to propose to you. The only question that left you with was when, and where. 

If there was one thing you knew about your family, it was they were always ready for a good time, and that was without an open bar. It wasn’t long before everyone at your table (besides your pregnant sister in law and nieces, although Olivia perhaps had one too many juices) were several drinks in, wanting to make the most of Kelly’s wedding. From the moment the dance floor opened, everyone was out, singing and dancing, including Javi, who you had dragged on to the dance floor with you, even though it didn’t take much convincing to do so after the shots of Fireball your brothers had wrangled him into taking. There really weren’t words to describe the feeling you had watching Javi with your family. Although his presence could ever replace Patrick’s, there was something about the way Javi had come into your life and healed a piece of you that had been missing, aching to be filled by the love of someone who you cared for so deeply. Not only had he filled that void for you, but watching him laugh and dance with your family made you feel like he seemed to ease some of their pain too. You watched your family bond with Javi quicker in the past two days than they did with Paul in 3 years. It was like they knew just how special he was, just how much he had come into your life and changed it for the better. There was never a doubt in your mind, but if this trip had done anything, it had solidified for you that Javier Peña was the best thing that could have ever happened to you. 

The night had flown by, dancing and screaming to the music on the dance floor, now completely losing count of how many drinks deep you were. At some point, Javi had taken off both his suit jacket and bow tie, his dress shirt now undone 4 buttons deep, while your heels your mom had insisted you wore were long gone at your table hours ago. As the music on the dance floor began to shift, slowing its pace to “At Last” by Etta James, Javi outstretched his arm toward you, pulling you in towards his chest, wrapping his large palms around your waist, resting dangerously close to the curve of your ass. You leaned your head against him, your face resting between the fabric of his dress shirt and his exposed skin as the both of you swayed back and forth along to the syrupy melody of the song. Javi peeked over his shoulder, looking at Kelly and her now husband, hand in hand on the dance floor, grinning to himself as he spoke down to you.

“I can’t wait for that to be us.” He beamed, nudging you in Mark and Kelly’s direction, your drunken cheeks growing even more pink than they already were from your countless gin and tonics. “I’m not even kidding, Osita. I’d marry you tomorrow, but I got a plan because you deserve everything and I’m gonna fucking give it to you.” You bit down on your tongue, raising an eyebrow at Javi’s drunken smirk as you draped your arms around his neck. 

“A plan, huh? And what plan would that be, Jav?” You giggled as he pecked a few kisses at your cheek. 

“I’m drunk, but I can keep a secret. I know you hate surprises, but it’s gonna be a surprise okay?” 

“I mean, if it has to be, I guess that’s fine, I just wanna- JAVIIII!” You shrieked as he tightened his grip around your waist, lifting you off the floor and twirling you in a circle as the song came to a close. “You are crazy!” You laughed, playfully punching him as he set you down 

“Crazy for you.” He winked, shaking you in his grasp. 

“Okay, that was so cheesy. Like extra cheese on mac and cheese, cheesy. Even for how drunk we both are. You’re lucky you’re a hot piece of ass, Javier Peña.” You giggled, grabbing a quick squeeze of his butt, your laughter slowly turning into a drunkenly horny desire as you saw Javi’s eyes light up and jaw go slack as he just about damn near undressed you with his eyes in the middle of the dance floor. 

“Me? Osita, I don’t think you understand. You are the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever fuckin’ seen. I’m not even kidding. I swear to God. I had random ass guys at bar asking if I had seen the hot girl in the tight black dress, immediately pointing to you, and you know what I fuckin’ told them? I said that’s my fucking wife, so you can fuck right off, she’s all mine.” 

“Well that’s very sweet of you except for the fact that I am not your wife, Jav.” You crossed your arms, popping out your hip as you sassed him. He shook his head before stepping into you, holding both of his hands around your face as you looked up at him, his slight frown quickly turning into a mischievous grin. 

“Yeah… but you’re fuckin’ gonna be.” 

You weren’t sure what it was, maybe it was the one too many drinks you had in your system, maybe it was something in the air at the wedding, maybe it was the fact that even in both your drunken states, when you looked at each other, you knew that there was no one else in the world you wanted by your side for the rest of your life besides each other, but the kiss you found yourself tangled in was like one you’d never felt before. Something about the deep and intense passion mixed with the slow and gentle press of Javi’s whisky stained lips against yours had your heart pounding in your chest, the world seeming to stop around you. You would have kissed him like this forever- you didn’t even care if anyone stared as the two of you found yourselves intertwined in the middle of the dance floor. The only thing that was stopping you was the unison of your rasped whispers as your lips parted. 

“You wanna go back up to the room?” 

The both of you burst out laughing at the way your words synced, taking a few moments to compose yourselves from your hysterics as Javi looked out into the crowd at your parents and brothers. 

“You sure your family won’t care?” Javi gestured over to the group, surrounding David as he ripped his tie off his neck, flinging in circles over his head. 

“Javi, I would be shocked if they even knew what planet they’re on right now. C’mon, let’s go.” The grin on your face began to grow as you picked up your heels from your chair, tossing Javi his jacket and bow tie before grabbing him by the hand and pulling him out the door. 

The two of you found yourselves practically sprinting down the hallway of the hotel, Javi chasing behind you as you reached the elevator. If it wasn’t for the older couple that had been standing in front of you the way up to your floor, you and Javi gave each other a playful look as if to say, you’d know I’d fuck you right here in this elevator. As you reached your floor, you followed behind Javi as he stepped out of the elevator, immediately jumping on his back, clinging to him like a Koala, trying to wrap around the width of his broadness. 

“What the hell are you doing, Osita?” He laughed as he hiked you further up on to his back, beginning to carry you down the hallway towards your room. 

“My feet hurt! And honestly I just kind of wanted to, it looked fun. I bet I could carry you if I really, reallyyyyy tried.” You were nothing but smiles and giggles as you ruffled Javi’s dark curls, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

“Well, maybe let’s not try that one tonight, okay, Hermosa?” Javi chuckled as he reached into his pocket for the room key, angrily fumbling with it as couldn’t get the door to unlock. “Why won’t it fucking work? Doesn’t this door know I need to get inside it so I can fuck my hot future wife?” 

“I don’t think the door is really concerned about your wants and needs, Javi. Oh, that’s why you idiot, it’s upside down! Flip it around!” You swatted at Javi’s arm, noticing how he was trying to insert the card. With a reluctant groan, he flipped it around, bracing himself for the “I told you so’s” as the door immediately opened upon your suggestion. 

“Okay, listen… I won’t say it… But just know… I’m thinking it.” 

“Alright, get off you dork.” Javi shook his head as you slid down his back, crossing the threshold into your hotel room. 

“Hey! That’s no way to treat your future wife!” You snickered, giving Javi a harder than expected smack on the ass as he stood in front of you. He immediately spun on his heels, hooking his arms under your thighs, picking you up and pulling you against him as your legs locked around his waist. 

“Baby, I’m about to show you exactly how I’m gonna treat my future wife.” He rasped, nipping at your neck as he began to carry you to the bed, taking a few more stumbling steps than normal as he tossed you down onto the fresh, white sheets, making you squeal. 

“Well… in that case… Do your worst, Mr. Peña.” You raised an eyebrow at him, your teeth biting down on your tongue as a grin grew across your face. Javi wasted no time, pulling you to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of you as he draped your legs over his shoulders, hiking your dress up your thighs, sliding his hands against the soft skin on your legs as he pushed up the silky fabric. Hooking his fingers around the lacy waistband, Javi’s face liting up up instantly as he pulled down your panties, realizing what you had been wearing the whole night. 

“These are new, aren’t they?” A devilish grin spread across Javi’s lips as he held up the white, lacy thong, already damp from his previous promise. 

“Maybe… A little extra surprise, just for you. Only for you.” You propped yourself up on your forearms, shrugging at Javi and giving him a wink as he shoved the skimpy fabric into his back pocket. 

“Fuck, baby girl. Only for me. This all for me, too?” He nudged open your knees, revealing the wet slick pooling between your thighs, gently brushing the pads of his fingertips along your entrance, collecting your arousal as he slid through your folds before pushing two fingers inside you. You gasped, arching your back along the bed as his fingers dipped into your dripping heat, pulsing in and out of you ever so slowly, luring out your response. “Tell me, Hermosa. Who’s this all for?” You could feel the hot breath of his words against your cunt as he tucked his head between your spread legs, hooking his arms around them. 

“You, Javi, holy shit, it’s all for you.” You moaned, reaching a hand down to tug at the ends of his rich, brown curls as Javi licked a long, broad strip of his tongue against your heat. The pressure against your already throbbing clit had you whining, pulling tighter at Javi’s hair as his fingers set a steady rhythm with each thrust of his hand. Curling them ever so slightly, the new angle of his fingers inside you had him pressing against the spot he knew would unravel you, memorizing you like the pages of a well worn book he had read over and over again. His face was buried in your pussy, swirling circles with his tongue around your sensitive bundle of nerves, the presence of his broad frame nestled between your thighs making you cry out his name, leaving the hand unburied in his locks fisting at the bedsheets. You could practically feel Javi’s grin as he sucked around your clit, feeling you begin to clench tighter around his fingers with each thrust of his hand. His pace was relentless as he could feel you coming undone, devouring you with each meticulous movement of his mouth and stroke of his fingers. You could feel the heat creeping up your spine, your legs beginning to tremble as that all too familiar feeling built inside you. 

“Oh Javi, fuck, fuck baby, I’m so close, don’t st-ahhhhhhhh.” 

Pleasure flowed through your veins, as you felt yourself gush around Javi’s fingers, gripping tighter at his hair as your orgasm swept through your body, leaving you a whimpering mess as he withdrew his digits and detached his mouth, the smirk of his mustache covered in your slick as he watched you begin to catch your breath as you came down from you high. 

“That’s my good girl. Always so fucking sweet when you come for me, baby. Sit up Osita, I need to take this off so I can see what’s under that pretty little dress of yours.” Pushing yourself off your forearms and onto your hands, Javi crawled over the edge of the bed towards you, pressing tender kisses along your neck and down your collarbone as he carefully slid the straps off your shoulders before his hands wandered to your back, gently pulling down your zipper. His touch made you shiver, so soft as it pressed against your skin, each moment undressing you feeling so delicate. Javi drank every inch of you in as he left you exposed, helping you to lift your arms over your head as your dress left your body. “I’ve never seen anything more fucking perfect.” He whispered, heedfully laying you down on the bed underneath him as he worked at the buttons of his shirt, shedding it to the floor before the clinking of his belt buckle led his pants and boxers to follow suit. Hovering over you, he stroked himself before caging his chest against yours, nipping at your neck as his words danced in your ear. “I wanna have you just like this, baby. Take all of you in, every beautiful part of you.” 

“Kiss me.” You weren’t sure if you were begging him or demanding him, but in that moment, there was nothing more you needed than to feel Javi’s lips on yours, for your mouths to meet in an electric moment where the only things that existed were you and him. Resting his forehead against yours, you felt the gentlest nod, the strong arch of his nose brushing along the length of yours before he pressed his lips between the open slot of your mouth. You felt the swipe of his tongue along your bottom lip, his mouth swallowing your moans as he guided his length through your folds, his tip collecting your arousal before slowly sinking into you. You savored in his sweet stretch, wrapping your arms around the broadness of his back as he bottomed out into you, pausing for a moment before withdrawing and tenderly stroking back into you. 

His thrusts were slow and steady, relishing in the beauty of you beneath him, soaking in every detail of the woman he loved more than life itself. There was something so intimate about the way you found yourselves, your bodies melting together as one, fitting together like a perfect pair, never again meant to be separated. 

“I love you.” 

Your soft murmur bringing his eyes to yours, Javi’s gaze desperate and needy as his lips met yours again, planting his palms on either side of the pillow your head was resting on as his thrusts became deeper and more intense as his hips flushed against yours. 

“I love you, too. More than anything.” 

You could feel the arousal pooling in your belly, building more and more present with each stroke of his cock pressing against the spot that made your mind go blank. The way he was so deep inside you, his tip brushing against your cervix, combined with the way the curls of his hair around his base brushed against your clit had you whimpering, already feeling your second orgasming building as Javi began babbling in your ear, his words only making you clench tighter around his length. 

“I love you so much, Osita.  I wanna give you everything, baby. I wanna marry you, put a ring on your finger- fuck- find us a house with enough rooms to fill with as many babies as you want,  I wanna spend every day making you so fucking happy-ahhh, it’s you and me, Osita. Yeah? Eres todo lo que necesita.” (You’re all I need). 

That was all it took to send you over the edge, wrapping your legs around the small of his back, nestling your face in the crook of his neck as you cried out his name into his soft skin, over and over again. As he watched you come undone, it didn’t take long for Javi to feel himself reach his own high, pumping a few more times into your hilt before pulsing into you, his spend coating your walls, milking every last drop of himself before slouching into you, his body draped over yours as your chests rose and fell together with each breath, laying for a few moments in the sweet silence, basking in the presence of one another. Pushing himself up, Javi hissed as he gently pulled himself out, the mix of your spend coating your thighs and the sheets below you, quicking getting up to grab you a washcloth from the neatly folded pile on the sink before bringing it back to you, carefully wiping you up before tossing it across the room to the bathroom floor. 

Scooping you up and laying you across his chest, Javi wrapped his arms around you, pulling you as close as he could to him as he pressed a long kiss into the tangled ends of your hair, only retracting as he felt the warm huffs of your giggles against his skin, grinning at your heartwarming smile. 

“What’s so funny, Hermosa? He asked, brushing away a stray piece of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. 

“Do you ever think about if you never came to do that presentation? That none of this could have never happened? That we could have gone the rest of our lives without ever meeting each other? And now here we are, in fucking Chicago, going to a wedding together, having the like, most romantic, drunk sex ever in the history of man kind? I don’t know. It’s kinda just crazy how life works sometimes, huh?” 

“I guess. I don’t know…Ever since I’ve met you, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. I don’t want to imagine it any other way.” He cupped his hand around your jaw, cradling it as his thumb rubbed across the warmth of your smiling cheeks. 

Javier Peña couldn’t fathom the idea of his life without you, and now, he was one step closer to proving to you that he never had to. After exhausted, hungover goodbyes, and a sleepy flight back to the Laredo airport, the first thing Javi did after you had unpacked from your trip and gotten into the shower was dig through the back of his sock drawer. Every day since his birthday when he had tucked it away there, he couldn’t help but to take it out and look at it, imagining how it would feel when he finally slid it on your finger and asked you to be his wife. Because in a sock, inside a sock, inside another sock, was a little velvet case that held a beautiful diamond ring that was about to be yours.   

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts

[fotibrit]

if the NWH spell ever gets reversed at all, I NEED angry Happy Hogan.

furious. violent. spitting mad. because happy lost May and Tony, he knows damn well how heavy that is even with his support system, and as the memories flood back and he remembers Peter’s self-blame and grief and unpreparedness in the days leading up to the spell? and he realizes that peter has been going through the same greif, entirely alone. and he realizes that Tony would have been inconsolable about the situation.

I need Happy Hogan to become violently angry at the injustice of it all

[ssailormoonn]

❛ Loss and Greif ❜

Uchiha Sasuke X Fem!Reader - Headcanons

WC; 600+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW; no big triggers but angsty ofc

⋆·˚ ༘ *𝑅𝐸𝒬𝒰𝐸𝒮𝒯; Sasuke relationship hcs about you each help each other deal w/ grief or loss or depression ? *I was feeling angsty heheh* - @lovelyandproblematic

m.list | naruto/boruto m.list | uchiha m.list

How Sasuke helps you deal with grief or loss ::

Though Sasuke is not much of a talker, he knows what it means to be there and might become silent support. He would just be there, beside you, providing support without speaking. Just his presence would be a comfort in letting you know you are not alone in your grief.

He would become more protective of you, making sure you were comfortable. That could mean staying home with you or going with you to places more often where you go.

Sasuke isn't much of a talker himself, but if you felt like talking about your feelings, he would listen patiently. Even though he sometimes doesn't know what to say, he at least would be sympathetic and nonsilent.

Sasuke would most likely show it through actions. Perhaps he might pick up some of the duties or chores that you are having a hard time doing so that you may have more time to grieve and less worry. He dislikes it when he sees you stressed, thus he doesn't want to see you stressed out.

He would tell you that he believes you have the ability to get over the loss that you are in by sharing the experiences that you both share, or in some cases subtly telling you to keep going. It would remind you about your strength and perseverance.

Sasuke would, of course hold you right close to him, not in the open (obviously he is a man of tradition and privacy) he knows his presence is a comfort to you and he will use this help you get by whatever sadness you hold inside.

How you help Sasuke deal with grief or loss ::

You would have to understand that Sasuke might not be ready to talk about his grief immediately. Giving him space while still being present and available for him is crucial. As much as he wouldn't want to admit it, he doesn't want to be alone, he needs your presence to feel that you are still with him.

Giving him some gentle encouragement. Encouraging Sasuke to express his feelings, even if it's through non-verbal means like training together or simply sitting in silence, can help him process his emotions as long as your with him. He understand so much more because he has you to think about, he loves you after all.

Giving him patience and reassurance, letting Sasuke know that it's okay to feel vulnerable. Reassuring him that they are there for him, no matter what, can help him feel less isolated. Maybe resting on your shared bed or couch, having his body laze on top of yours as you run your fingers through his hair will help sooth him.

That follows into small acts of kindness, like cooking his favorite meal, leaving him thoughtful notes, or simply holding his hand, can make a big difference. These actions show that you care and are thinking about him, even when words aren't enough.

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc.Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | naruto/boruto m.list | uchiha m.list

taglist :: @enouche @lovelyandproblematic

@sugu-love @why-are-you-still-awake

[a-shade-of-blue]

Please help me by donating and sharing. The situation for me and my child is very catastrophic. I want to meet the needs of my family and my child 🙏🏻💔

http://gofund.me/5b6f1940

This campaign has been shared by 90-ghost. Currently €1,675 raised of €45,000 target.

Samar and her husband Hashem have a 6 month old child born during the war. They are from a family of 8. Hashem’s father died due to the toll of being displaced, the bad health conditions, and his greif about the destruction of his home. They are trying to evacuate out of Gaza.

[aceoffangirls]

It's not Simon or the monarchy, its simon or his family

I feel like people don't really understand, including Simon (no hate to you babygirl), but the Monarchy is Willie's family. Yes they may not be good but they are his family.

It isn't a choice between Simon and the Crown, but between Simon and his family, their legacy, his brother.

I think when Simon thinks and talks about the Monarchy, he see the oppression, the system, the class divide, not having the choice to vote in that elected leader etc.

Wilhelm sees his family. He cannot separate the monarchy from his family, because his own mother can't. He doesn't really see Simon attacking a horrible outdated system, but his mother, his brother and himself.

Wilhelm is faced with so much burden, being judged from those who don't know him and facing criticism no matter what he does.

What Simon experiences this season, being micromanaged and having those who don't know him judge him, is exactly what Wilhelm has experienced everyday of his life. However Simon also does not have the protection Wilhelm has, leading to having bricks thrown into his window, and making him an easier target. He is even more of a target due to his social status, race, class etc. Simon however also has more of a support system. Friends and family he can turn to in this situation. (Both characters are valid for what they have experienced and I am in no way trying to dismiss Simons pain)

I just don't like when people hate on by boy Wilhelm, like he isn't perfect but also a product of how he was raised. He is a 16 (now 17) boy who has been placed with a burden of legacy on his shoulders, while also battling anxiety, depression, greif. He is still figuring out who he is.

[nexternalknowsthingz]

For some reason I have a lot of motivation at the moment and also because Ponyboy got the same amount of votes as Dally I will be doing his headcanons now.

TW for angst and SH and sewerslide

— Ponyboy was born prematurely, two weeks too early ( I’m unsure if this is canon or not, I’ve heard it from a lot of people but I’m putting it here just incase it is not canon )

— Due to the fact that Ponyboy was born prematurely he had a lot of issues mostly focused on his walking

— Pony had what’s called a club foot and it could’ve affected his walking, the doctors had to do a surgery to fix it

— When Pony was a baby Darry and Soda along with his parents didn’t see him a lot due to his fragile health

— The first person to hold Ponyboy ( that wasn’t his parents ) was Darry, in fact Darry was also the first one to see Pony open his eyes

— Pony was attached to his brothers, if he wasn’t with Darry he was with Soda

— Pony did have a bit of a limp growing up but as he grew up it became less apparent and by the time he was thirteen it was gone entirely

— When Pony joined track Mr And Mrs. Curtis was beyond happy and they went to every single track meet

— Pony actually didn’t mind having green eyes when he was younger but as he grew up he was often picked on by people with green eyes and he grew a dislike for his ( this hopefully makes sense )

— When Mr and Mrs. Curtis passed away Pony tried to hide his hurt so Darry and Soda wouldn’t worry about him but in doing so his emotions got so bottled up

— Pony ended up having an anxiety attack after a long argument with Darry about his grades going down in school, that is when Darry and Soda finally learned about how deeply Pony was really hurting

— Pony often felt like Darry favored Soda rather than him and it hurt him really badly ( this is canon I think? )

— When Pony was moved up a grade and put into advanced classes he was picked on by socs but kept it from his brothers

— After the events of the book Ponyboy reached an all time low and ended up cutting to cope

— Pony was on the brink of giving up and he felt like everything that happened was his fault

— One day when Pony was home alone he went to the bathroom to do his usual routine of cutting when Soda caught him in the act, everything just froze up in that moment

— Soda ended up calling Darry so he could leave work early so everyone could just talk, Pony felt guilty that Darry was leaving work early

— Darry, Soda and Pony ended up talking about everything and Pony finally let his feelings loose and let his brothers be there for him, at the same time he listened and comforted his brothers as they talked through their own greif

— When Soda was drafted and was dropped of at the airport by Darry and Pony, Pony crushed Soda in a tight hug and begged him not to go, unfortunately he had to let Soda go

— Watching Soda leave was one of the hardest things Pony had to deal with because he didn’t know if Soda would come back at all

— During the time when Soda was in Vietnam Darry and Pony supported eachother through it, it was the closest they had been in ages

— One day when Pony came back from school he walked into the living room to see Darry crying quietly while sitting on the couch, that was how Pony found out that Soda would never be coming home

— Pony didn’t even know how to react, all he could do was sink to the floor and sob his eyes out

— Pony ended up walking into Darry’s room one night a few weeks after Sodas death was announced, he saw Darry with a gun to his head

— When Pony saw that all he could do was stare at Darry with wide eyes, Darry’s eyes resembled the same shock with a hint of sadness and shame, Darry put the gun down and just kept staring at Pony. Pony just walked up to Darry and have him the tightest hug

— Pony was in shock, he came so close to loosing the last family member he had left, just that alone made Pony’s heart break

— After that incident both Darry and Pony decided that untimely they both needed to be there for each other

( okay now onto more light topics.. )

— The day of Pony’s graduation he took a moment to hug and thank Darry for everything he did for him

— Pony ended up becoming a writer and ended up publishing his theme that he turned into school years ago

— Pony was thinking of moving away from Tulsa and go somewhere else like New York but ultimately decided against it and stayed in Tulsa

— When Darry finally ended up getting married Pony was his best man and Pony never felt so much pride and proud of his big brother, seeing Darry happy with someone made Pony so happy

Okay that’s all I got! I hope you guys like these headcanons

[celestialtarot11]

Taurus rising and their angular houses 💘💌

Angular houses are the most important in an astrological chart. It represents our fundamental core selves, the parts in which we work with consistently in life, and what we value the most. Angular houses show huge change and how it plays a role in our life 💌 often deals with external change impacting us and our growth!

Taurus rising ♉️- Taurus rising, ruled by venus and the luxuries 💘🤗 not always is this native born under luxury however. Depending on where Venus is, and if it’s afflicted, or if this house is afflicted it can produce different results in the natives life. Most taurus risings understand their life did not come to them easily. In this lifetime, apart of them knew they wanted to live comfortably, and securely, and create that security for others. They may not have realized it as they were younger, but the more they grow up, the more they understand the lifestyle they want. Most taurus risings know they want luxury and work hard for it, and others know they want a simple life, and still want to generate enough security to thrive. Even if they do not show it physically, through dressing up and buying a huge house, Taurus risings do understand the simplicity of life and want that. A lot of taurus risings are generous, kind, patient, and value security. And they value connections that grow securely, and strong foundations. Their mission is to grow stable from a turbulent childhood, and to generate that inner safety that will carry them far into their lifetime 💗❤️‍🩹When I say lifestyle I don’t necessarily mean materialistic gains. I mean they want to live at peace, comfortable, and have so much security they do not have to worry about lack anymore. Most Taurus’s I know have experienced lack and struggle, poverty even. They want to grow beyond that and have the security they are looking for. Caring for their body, health and focusing on building their financials is important in this lifetime. Alongside their inner child 🤗💘

Leo fourth house ♌️- Taurus rising grew up around a prideful, happy and boisterous family. If the taurus rising grew up financially secure, family loved to buy each other gifts and spend on one another as a way of love. (Taurus rising developed gift giving regardless of their financial status) But their family has a huge part in why they develop their finances. Leo ruled by the sun, the Father could have been a teacher for the taurus rising. The Father was the leading point in the taurus risings life, and could have been a proud one, a purposeful and meaningful father and strong. Independent, confident, and assured. The downside, the Father could have been arrogant, self centered, self loathed and expected the taurus rising child to constantly be there for him ❤️‍🩹 the Father needed attention from the child instead of the Father giving attention to the child. The taurus rising native as a child was warm, loving, generous, and the type to still find little gifts for everyone and share it. The show stopper, and had a lot of attention on them, whether that was through a supportive family dynamic or not. If it was not supportive, as the taurus rising child grew up, too many people gossiped, and tried to one up, or selfishly wanted their attention. If it was supportive, the taurus rising found themselves being loved, cared for, and people celebrated them and their milestones 💘🤗 the mother could have been emotionally affectionate, nurturing and been a solid friend to the taurus rising child. If not, the mother was bossy, self centered, and focused on getting the limelight as opposed to her child. The native probably witnessed family arguments often, and the parents encouraged the idea of “competition” in the family. So the taurus rising child could have been encouraged to do better than their siblings, cousins, etc.

Scorpio ruled 7th house, descendant♏️- The taurus rising native experienced a lot of loss, greif, and transformation in relationships and connections. Jealousy, insecurity from others tried to get in the way of taurus risings relationships. The native self sabotaged in return, thinking it was their fault the people around them could not show up ❤️‍🩹 as they grow older, they realize transformation is vital to a peaceful life. Not necessarily traumatizing all of the time, but change does not need to be the end. Releasing is the key to freedom. Liberation is the start to self forgiveness and peace. Through others, the taurus rising finds themselves. Through others, the taurus rising does shadow work with, and each of their relationships have never been the same. Each have their own story, and path. The taurus rising tries to put up walls with others to stay safe, because too many people have come in and tried to project unfairly. And have done unjust things to the taurus rising native. Time and time again, the native transforms in love, opening up and closing off. At some point, the taurus rising native wants someone to grow with, but also transform too. To stay comfortable, yet do the inner work to heal ❤️‍🩹🤝 to have a partner that stays regardless of fear and doubt, and does their work too. Very loyal and determined lovers, and they go all of the way if they are healed 🙌💘 when they know they are capable, they will pursue. These natives may not have a lot of people in their life, because they later realize the value of privacy, and how moving in silence is the way to go. After their Leo ruled 4th house, they transition to a period of intense transformation, inner work, and liberation to find their truth of how they want to move forward in life. Privacy, sanctuary, and alone time is necessary 🙌

Aquarius ruled 10th house ♒️- After a period of isolation and many cycles of loss, trial and tribulations, their idea of who they want to be in their career path is not exactly set in stone, but they know how they want to move. Undefined, yet unique and knowledgeable in what they know, and intelligent. Taurus risings have a hold on the masses because they are authentically themselves, people see them as either nonchalant, aloof, or monotone. But Taurus risings have seen it all for themselves, and know thats not the only truth there is to them. And neither is it the entirety. They may pursue business solo, open their own shop, and find it easier to set their own rules. They want to be their own leader and boss, and don’t mind trying something new 💘🤗 it may take them many tries to figure out what career path they want, but they allow the experience to unfold. Many people see them as “unmatched” and may try to compete, but taurus risings know all to well where competition leads, and want nothing to do with it. They continue to move forward and stay in their lane. They may go on to pursue a career path no one in their family has done, and receive criticism for it, but once a taurus rising knows their truth it cant be shaken 💅🏻 they are not necessarily rebellious in career, but have an informed perspective, and speak their truth which is not the same as being rebellious! They prefer to keep their career private, money private. Sometimes in career they will be put in situations where they receive the limelight and they feel boxed in due to their past, but when they move forward they can learn to accept it and understand there are people who want to support them too. Career paths: web developer, social worker, scientist, entrepreneur, human rights activist.

Thank yall for reading! 💘🤗 much love for my taurus risings. After this I feel like i understand them better 🥹❤️‍🩹 i hope this resonated! Feel free to comment like and reblog 🤍

Distant Energy Healing Services 🤍💌

Paid readings💗

[transmutationisms]

i just read Against Exercise. i wanted to ask what you make of this sentence and the wider paradigm he gestures at occasionally in the essay:

Upon the desperate materialist gratifications of a hedonic society, commanding immediate comfort and happiness, we engraft the desperate economics of health, and chase a longer span of happinesses deferred, and comforts delayed, by disposing of the better portion of our lives in life preservation.

do we live in a ‘hedonic’ society? and does that framing shape his conclusions on in ur opinion? i have my own thoughts but am interested in yours x

ok i'm glad you asked because i find this sentence and this paradigm very irritating lol. i don't think he's the only left-ish thinker who's acceded to this type of framing (like i've complained about mark fisher pulling a similar move) but with greif there's a particular irksomeness to it because, even in the sentence you've quoted, we can see in the latter half how he contradicts his own idea of a "hedonic society"! if his thesis here is something like "the dominant cultural paradigm encourages instant gratification and hedonism, and the exerciser defies this edict by deferring their happiness and sweating it out at the gym instead" then, like, the obvious question here is, where does the impulse of the exerciser come from? does greif actually think the pursuit of fitness and longevity by physical exertion is some kind of counter-cultural move that reacts against, without acceding to, the demands of a "hedonic society"? if he does then it kind of undercuts the significance of the entire rest of the essay, lmao.

my personal answer here would be—and this is something greif dances around a few times but doesn't ever seem prepared to fully unpack—that the demand to have a fit and 'healthy' and long-lasting body is not at all contradictory to the demand to consume goods, and that this latter is more precisely what is meant by "hedonism" here if we are to use it in any useful sense. i think what greif is actually pointing to is the demand to shape oneself into, simultaneously, a valuable worker and an obedient consumer. in an immediate sense these two goals demand different things (say, 'going for a run' vs 'buying products') but on a more thorough analysis we can easily see how they arise from the same fundamental logic of profit-seeking. body fascism has never been just an aesthetic; what it promises to the state and the corporation is a population that is biologically managed and economically exploitable. i think this is true even in an imperialist economy like the united states that doesn't run primarily on production/export.

i don't know a ton about mark greif biographically but my impression is that he's kind of half-left at best, lol. certainly he's like, curmudgeonly in a way that is sometimes useful to mine (ruthless criticism of all that exists, &c) but i think in this essay and others we can clearly see how easily that attitude can slide into just a vaguely reactionary position when it lacks materialist analysis. like, frankly i think if we lived in a social context that actually had a commitment to ensuring hedonic pleasure that would probably be a better world. it's kind of similar to when lib-left types try to claim that we live in a world that has any serious degree of commitment to "the individual" when what they actually, usually mean is that we've been massified in a way that denies us social connection and material support from one another.

anyway: 'against exercise' was very mind-blowing to me when i first read it and i love to see someone staking out that position seriously; and there are elements of greif's analysis i think can be useful in an actually communist analysis. but i find a lot of cultural criticism (specifically that positions itself as counter-cultural without being explicitly communist) has a risk of just sliding reactionary, and i think this half-baked idea of a "hedonic society" is an example of that happening. curious what you think though!

[deadstaticolivia]

Undead Unluck week 2024 day 2: Favorite scene/moment

Spoilers ahead for anime only’s

Oh boy this one was hard. Undead Unluck are filled with SO many amazing moments that it’s really hard to define “my favorite” I chose multiple moments when I was first reading the manga that really got me on the edge of my seat and super hyped (story wise and character wise) These are in no particular order so I’ll list this chronologically.

1. Andy fully stating his feelings to Fuuko

You know I had to start off with Anfuu. I’m so crazy about them and their development. They’ve truly made each other better in so many ways. We already knew the Andy had feeling for Fuuko since the “What if” situation in the book during the Autumn arc but this is the first time Andy had fully opened up about his feelings about her (despite her not knowing what he said). This is HUGE for Andy as a character because it’s been a long time since Andy cared for anyone this much since the crew in the 1800’s. At first Andy didn’t really care about fuuko on such a deep level yet. Yeah he wanted to use her to die at first but by spending enough time with her it literally changed his ENTIRE outlook on the world, life and death. Protecting her had just been apart of his job to help him die to seduce and protect her but now he WANTS to protect and even seduce her because he fell in love. GAHHH THEY MAKE ME CRAZYYYY

2. Fuuko coming to get Spring

Fuuko a kindheartedness has always stuck out to me. For her it was always a weakness since she was hurting the people she loved. Her ability to weaponize it is amazing. The bravery it takes to feel affectionate to the enemy, get attached, and then witness their death is beautiful and sad all in one. The affection she has for spring is real and it introduces a whole new concept of an Uma liking humans (aside from clothy) I know later on to imbue an enemy she hates like the 10 master rules and god she uses her soul but taking that first step into caring for an Uma when no other union member or past Negator (aside from past ishiin) did is a testament to her bravery and kindheartedness

3. Everyone saying Fuukos name as the timer counts down

This moment had me on the edge of my seat that it had me saying fuuko like everyone else. The love, connection and trust they all have for each other always gets me. They all put their full support into her ability. The trust that fuukos kind heart will help them in the next loop. The willingness to bet EVERYTHING on fuuko wrings my heart strings. Plus this scene of everyone still alive and moving using their abilities to save her is just so cool

4. Fuuko’s cold rage

Seeing Fuuko who is known for her kind heart, filled with such genuine hate and Greif was heart breaking but so badass. She lost EVERYTHING. All the hard work that she and everyone in the union put in was for nothing. All the deaths she witnessed were just some game. Then in a split secound she comes back full of determination. Fuuko knows she doesn’t have time to grieve so her immediate snap back to “I will plan everything out to give everyone a better and I’ll still defeat you.” As Luna states in this scene that she emulates Juiz so much also is amazing cause I’m a sucker for parallels

5. Andy is on the Sun

THIS REVEAL WAS CRAZY. I thought he was out gathering artifacts to help but clearly I was completely wrong. I already wrote me first initial thoughts on this so I’ll just copy and paste here:

Andy so desperately wants to protect fuuko down to his very SOUL that it basically becomes a primal instinct for him. Also the fact his place on the sun is always facing the earth to watch over her and everyone else

Theres sooooo many other scene I could talk about but I’m getting tired of writing

[crmsnmth]

Stupid Nicknames

the gradient colors of the enges of a sunset Catchs my attention has I sit outside my work smoking cigarettes as if i'm reclaiming stolen minues The orange line on the horizon i A skyline made of towering trees and electrical lines

It's weird to see the beauty of the summer sunset come down the parking lot of the funeral home next door And mortuary and forever intwined with you I hope you someday finished school

A semi rumbles by, shooting black smoke out behind it Most people cough in that emission But the only thing I've gone pro in is smoking cigarettes So the face full just stinks

The blues slowly quieting down into purple and even further into black Night comes like a soothing blanket to wrap into or Night also comes with bottles of vodka and chaotic energy or Night comes and it's hardly noticed

The amount of time I spend alone in my room has my room mates all calling me Ted and I laugh along with them, even thoug it's not funny at all At least they make an effort

I guess I can't get too mad at them I'm writing under a swinging single bulb too I just don't have the urge too make letterbombs for strangers Instead, I write poetry with no laws I write scripts for movies that will never be made I write stories of vampies, hell and the damned I write romance and loss greif and joy I write every goddamn thing I've got I write them until the words are on life support and that moment offically dies in time

I came up with the most perfect words to say I love you But I didn't have a pen anywhere so I let the idea die.

[lucenare]

im too distressed to be funnyman but also feeling incredibly percieved about knowing something is wrong and not knowing its goodbye but saying goodbye anyway and standing in the middle of the crumbles of your family as they grieve, listening to siblings argue, your loves ones leave in a rush because the greif does such horrible unpredictable things to your emotions because something is gone and will never be the same and there's *nothing you can do* but feel or not feel. and unfortunately the consequence to not feeling is Feeling More, Later. Theres nothing quite as numbing as standing in a storm of grief knowing *you* have to hold it together enough to get others through it before you can have any kind of support in it and just traumatizing yourself more through that in the process. But you have to do it because there is no outside help for you there is only the pain of knowing youve lost another and no matter what it will always feel too soon.

[humanpurposes]

Karma is a God

Chapter 4: King’s Landing

The Dance of the Dragons begins on a lie, and Aemond owes a debt, one Lucerra will see repaid in Fire and Blood // Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Aemond x Lucerra Velaryon (fem!Lucerys)

Warnings for this chapter: Graphic descriptions of violence and death, greif/mourning, angst.

Words: 4700

A/n: Originally posted on AO3, posting to Tumblr before I get back to regular updates.

Vhagar lands on a stretch of shore along the Blackwater. He cannot say what the hour is, only that it is certainly later than he was supposed to return.

He had watched the sunset over Shipbreaker Bay and lingered longer than that. Now the sky is black and the moon shines like the sun, bathing the beach in a low and ghostly light.

Only when the dragon settles can he finally hear his breath, even through the breeze sweeping in unbroken from the sea. His gloved hands are still tight on the reins, but there’s something else bunched in his grip. Red fabric, dark and damp, soaked with seawater and rain.

He wonders if his hands are still his, numb and trembling with cold and… had he truly kept hold of it all this way?

He almost loses his grip as he climbs down from the saddle but keeps the cloak firmly in his grasp. His boots meet the sand and his knees go weak. For a moment he thinks his legs won’t take the weight, but he stands.

Vhagar has left them roughly half a mile from the Red Keep, he concludes, with consideration for the defect of his vision. The castle is little more than a darkened silhouette, so his eye is drawn to the little glimmers of candlelight glowing through the windows. It almost looks peaceful from here, and that feels like a lie. 

He looks down at his fist. Some of the fabric has fallen and trails along the sand. He had spent hours searching for a body, and this was all he could find of her.

His stomach drops and he reaches out for the ropes hanging down from the saddle to steady himself. Vhagar gives a slight grumble, likely eager to skulk off and find food. He does not move, keeping himself there as if anchored to her. 

But he cannot stay here forever. His family will be expecting news of Storm’s End.

His grandfather will be furious, his mother will never forgive him and Helaena… Helaena might never look at him again.

He begins his march along the beach, to the passageway below the castle and through the deserted halls. Every step feels wrong. His riding leathers are sodden and his eyepatch is loose from the flight, but he does nothing to adjust it. He keeps his head hung and his grip on the cloak tight, until he reaches the entrance hall.

Ser Arryk stands to meet him. “My Prince, the King awaits your arrival in the small council chamber.”

“Have the Lords also been summoned?”

“Yes, my Prince, and the Dowager Queen.”

Aemond’s gaze falls to the knight’s boots. He gives a distant hum in response. 

Aegon sits at the table with the crown of the conqueror on his head. Considering he had to be dragged from the streets of King’s Landing to be crowned, his brother has settled rather comfortably into his throne. He does not have the presence of a King, the mind nor the strength, but in a few short days he has found the pride of one.

Their mother stands over his left shoulder, and Criston Cole over his right, while Otto Hightower sits in his usual place, face as grim and grave as ever. The other Lords sit along the left, Jasper Wylde, Maester Orwyle, and Tyland Lannister. The space once held by Lord Beesbury is still empty. 

“Brother,” Aegon says. His voice is bright but his eyes are dark. “You look awful–”

“What news of Storm’s End?” Otto interrupts.

Aemond realises he is frozen in the doorway, but he can’t convince his legs to walk any further.

Why couldn’t he have just stayed on the beach?

Why couldn’t he have just let her go?

“Lord Borros has pledged to support your claim,” he mutters, “and I in turn have agreed to marry Floris Baratheon.”

“The prettiest of the four storms, so I hear,” Aegon grins. “Baratheon blood is strong if our nephews and niece are anything to go by. I wonder, shall your brood have hair as dark as their cousins?”

Aemond does not reply and his expression does not flinch.

“We received word from the Maester at Storm’s End,” his grandfather says, “that Princess Lucerra was attempting to treat with Lord Borros on her mother’s behalf.”

Aemond furrows his brows and swallows the lump building in his throat. “Indeed, she arrived not long after I did.”

“And her efforts were unsuccessful?”

A sharp pain strikes his chest. Until this moment he’s been fooling himself, allowing himself a glimmer of hope that if he says nothing it cannot be true. His lips remain tight, his hands in fists by his side. He is stalling and every pair of eyes in the room can see it.

His mother’s gaze falls to the cloak spilling from his grip. “Aemond…” He is used to seeing this melancholic look in her eyes, but there’s a new spark of fear in her. She catches her lower lip between her teeth as she starts to pick at her nails. He wonders if she even realises she’s doing it. “Their Maester he…” 

Otto Hightower’s patience is wearing thin. “It is said you threatened the Princess.”

Aemond forces a small hum from his throat, but there are no words that follow.

He can see it all before his waking eyes, the flash of fire and Vhagar’s reins around his hands as he tried to deter her attack. As her jaws closed around Arrax’s body with an ear-splitting crunch he had tasted blood, and it is still faint on his tongue.

“Speak, boy,” the Hand demands in a tone usually reserved for Aegon, “we must know the whole truth.” 

The whole truth.

The truth is he liked having her at his mercy. 

The truth is he had felt a strange sort of elation when she entered the Round Hall. The Gods must have designed such a coincidence. His pretty little bastard niece, with a message in her hand and a blade on her hip, while the fate of the Kingdom hung in the balance.

The whole truth. 

The truth is he had felt Vhagar’s bloodlust surging through his veins, and had been powerless to stop it.

And what kind of a man does that make him?

“I killed her.”

The room was quiet before. Now it is a void of sound. The silence throbs in his ears as his eye falls to his brother. Aegon stares back, his eyes wide enough to border on mania. 

“What?”

“I pursued her as she left the castle. Vhagar tore Arrax to pieces and she fell.”

His grandfather’s voice is like gravel, low and scathing. “Do you have any idea what you have done?”

He feels everything and somehow nothing. “She owed a debt–”

“And you have taken far more than you were owed!” Otto bellows, standing from his seat. “You only lost one eye at her hand, how could you be so blind?”

“No, this is a victory!” Aegon insists. His eyes stay on Aemond and he nods. “We shall celebrate my brother’s triumph, his first taste of a true battle.” Then he turns to Otto, assured but with an understated venom to his words. “It is what you have always wanted, is it not, grandfather?”

“You fools! Rhaenyra might have accepted terms of peace, but now… now she will be out for blood.”

At the sound of a muffled sob Aemond looks to his mother. She has her head in her hands. “Mother have mercy on us all.”

When he returns to his chambers the first thing to come off is the eyepatch, then he sheds his boots and his riding leathers. He keeps Lucerra’s cloak bunched in his hands, but when he turns towards the bathtub he supposes he must part with it. He places it over an armchair by the fire to dry.

His servant assures him the water is tepid, but his skin burns and his core shivers. 

Of the Princelings and Princesses of the Red Keep, Luke had the widest smile, the most obnoxious laugh, the quickest temper and the brightest presence.

She had a habit of finding him when he didn’t want to be found, trailing him through the gardens, barging into his chambers and perching at his feet like a puppy begging for attention. On the occasions of feasts and celebrations, he would have been happy enough to fade into the background, but she would snatch his arm and drag him to the dancefloor with a smug grin on her lips.

He found no solitude in the library either. He always sat at the same desk, by a window overlooking the bay. She would not be far behind, placing her chin on his shoulder and hanging her arms over his front so he had to read through her hair.

She was so relentless with her questions. “Why did Aegon forge the Iron Throne? Why did Maegor have so many wives? Why do we have dragons?”

“It is our birthright,” he said to the latter, “as the blood of Valyria, as Targaryens.”

“But you do not have a dragon.”

“No.”

“Why?”

For that he had no answer. He had born with the title of ‘Prince’, the name ‘Targaryen’ and the silver hair and violet eyes of Old Valyria but he could not claim their greatest birthright. While she and her brothers, dark-haired and Strong, had each hatched their eggs.

She leaned in to press a small pillowy cheek against his. “When Arrax is large enough, you can ride with me.”

If only they could have been children forever.

He has not known a moment of peace since Driftmark and it is all because of her. He has felt her, with every sudden strike of pain in his head, with every whisper of “monster” and “one-eye”. Even his own reflection is a reminder of that night.

Six years he waited. And when he heard news that Rhaenyra was returning to the Red Keep to stake her son’s claim to Driftmark, he took to the skies on Vhagar, circling over the Kingswood for hours, untouchable and undistracted.

He dreamed of slashing out her eye, carving out her heart and leaving her to be found somewhere in a quiet corridor of the castle in a pool of her own blood. A drastic fantasy, one he had no intentions of fulfilling unless he wanted to lose his head. Of course, Lucerra could get away with maiming the King’s son, but his father would not be so merciful to him.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was expecting. They had been children when they last met, and his last look of her had hardly been with much fondness.

He had spotted Jace first, his face indisputably resembling Ser Harwin Strong from brow to chin, though lacking his natural father’s build. It was hard to believe he possessed a single drop of his mother’s blood. But Lucerra, despite the dark curls falling around her shoulders and those wide brown eyes, was nothing less than Rhaenyra Targaryen’s daughter, made only more apparent with maturity. She had the same deep set eyes, the same nose, the same stern and solemn gaze. Yet her beauty was less severe than her mother’s, in the round of her cheeks, her soft jaw, the slight fullness in her lower lip.

He couldn’t stop looking, and neither could she. Perhaps it was out of guilt, or fear, but whatever it was he decided he liked it.

When Aegon had dragged him to the Street of Silk those years ago, he had felt nothing short of repulsed. When he had indulged a few of the Ladies of the court, he felt unimpressed and underwhelmed. For a while he thought there was something (else) wrong with him, that where his brother seemed to think of nothing but fucking whores and harassing serving girls, his mind was elsewhere.

But he felt it in her presence, as her eyes met his across the table, as he followed her from the dining hall like a shadow and held her body against the wall, the want he had been waiting for. He had expected her mouth to taste bitter, but she had tasted sweet, like a promise of victory. He didn’t understand it, the heat and exhilaration as his hands roamed her body, as she sighed breathlessly against his ear, all too eager to right her past wrongs, chasing her high under his touch.

“I do not want him to hate me,” she said. 

That’s not how it was supposed to be. 

Six years of anguish, what had it all been for? Reeling in his bed at bouts of pain that even milk of the poppy could not sedate. The humiliation of misjudging his own vision when undertaking even the most mundane of tasks. All the hours he had endured his mother’s pity as she buried her face in his hair and wept. All the stares. All the whispers. All because of a doe-eyed and vicious little Princess.

“I hate her,” he would whisper, to his pillow, to the fire, to the images of the Seven, to the skies and beyond, “I hate her. I hate her.”

Even if he tried, he knows he cannot bring himself to say those words now.

And what was it all for if he cannot hate her?

Trembling fingers absentmindedly trace his scar. It is hers as much as it is his, a mark of her cruelty, her impulsivity, just her.

He slips below the surface of the water. He holds his breath until his heart pounds in his head and his lungs burn. His body betrays him. His mouth opens for a sharp intake of water and only then does he force himself up, choking and coughing violently as his lungs dispel the intrusion.

He hardly sleeps. By the time he closes his eyes it is dawn and his servant returns with a plate of cured meats and the news that the King means to hold a feast in his honour.

He does his duty. When he goes to greet his mother she turns her head and pretends not to hear him. When he looks to Helaena her eyes are fixed on her empty plate. She mutters to herself, her usual riddles, the kind he supposes he will never decipher. So he takes his place beside his brother. He does not speak and does not touch the platters of food laid out before him.

The rest of the hall is hesitant to indulge the King’s wishes for revelry. The conversations are hushed, the music quiet, and no one dares to make a step for the dancefloor. 

Aegon leans over him and Aemond winces at the sour stench of wine on his breath. “You needn’t look so glum,” he says, “you have made a triumphant start for us.”

Having his brother’s approval feels like an insult, but he is the only person who has spoken a word to him since his return, the only member of his family who will look him in the eye.

Time doesn’t make sense anymore. Hours feel like weeks and days are mere moments as they slip by. 

It is uncertain how quickly word will spread or when the news will finally reach Dragonstone, but when it does war will follow. Their allies are few but enough to secure power. Aegon is the anointed King, his rule will not be undone so long as they hold the capital. That is all they need. An attack on King’s Landing is unlikely, not with Vhagar defending it. 

One morning he finds himself heading for Helaena’s chambers. He used to visit her and the children each morning. Now, when he goes to her, he finds he has little to say.

Their relationship has often been one of few words. Since childhood they have been happy to sit in a comfortable silence as she sews and he reads, to walk arm in arm through the gardens, to ride Vhagar and Dreamfyre side by side over the Blackwater. Other times one speaks and the other listens; she enthuses over her studies of small creatures, and he recites passages of history.

She’s pacing the room, bouncing little Maelor in her arms and the babe happily gurgles back. Jaehaerys and Jaehaera are on the floor, admiring little wooden dragons painted in the image of their parents’ mounts, one gold for Synfyre, the other blue for Dreamfyre.

His presence seems to cast a shadow. Helaena pauses and turns to face him. He scarcely recognises her of late. She looks tired, her pale blue eyes duller and narrower than they should be.

“Helaena-”

“Come children,” she says with her usual sweetness, ushering the twins back to the nursery. His heart shatters at the way she clutches Maelor, turning him into herself, away from danger, away from him.

“Sister, you know I would never-”

“Never what?” She asks sharply. 

He clenches his jaw when he notices the tears falling down her face.

She looks into the fireplace as she presses her lips to Maelor’s head. The boy squirms and she gently rocks him into a settled stillness. “We might have escaped this,” she whispers, “but now…”

His sister’s despair is the heaviest burden of all. “I can protect you,” he says. “I will protect you.”

Helaena shakes her head, eyes fixed on the flames. “Bonds of blood are so easily forgotten, and yet never forgiven.” 

When he is not by Aegon’s side in meetings of the Small Council, Aemond lingers in his chambers. One night he perches on the end of his bed, glaring down at his eyepatch as he twists it around his fingers. The red cloak remains where he left it a fortnight ago.

The Blacks are mobilising. Daemon has taken Harrenhal and Jacaerys has flown North after leaving the Eyrie. Surely he has gone to Winterfell, to secure an alliance with Lord Stark. If that is true, they cannot hope to match their enemies by numbers, but he and Aegon are hardly concerned, for what is an army of unruly Northmen to the Queen of dragons?

There is little news of the would-be-Queen on Dragonstone. Rhaneyra lost the child she had been carrying the day she learned of Viserys’ death, the very same day Aegon was crowned at the Dragon Pit before the masses of King’s Landing. It is said, as she stood before the funeral pyre, a knight of the kingsguard presented her with the crown of King Jaehaerys. 

His eye drifts up to Lucerra’s cloak.

Rhaenyra must surely know by now.

He vaguely becomes aware of a distant clattering of armour before the door bursts open and Ser Criston enters unannounced. He lingers in the door, panting for breath.

The eyepatch falls to the floor as Aemond darts to his feet with an alertness he has not felt for weeks.

Cole’s skin is pale. “The Queen…”

“Which Queen?” He demands.

“You must come with me, my Prince.”

They hurry through the Holdfast, Aemond holds his breath until they walk past the corridor that would lead them to Helaena’s bedchamber. At least his sister is safe.

He follows Cole across the drawbridge, towards the Tower of the Hand. He prepares himself for an endless number of possibilities. His mother may be injured, or ill. She may be dead.

He hears a woman’s screams before they reach the door. 

A crowd has gathered outside Queen Alicent’s chambers, guards, servants, curious Lords demanding to know what has transpired within while the remaining Kingsguard attempt to maintain some order.

And then he realises, it is not his mother who is screaming.

Aemond’s heart stops. “Helaena?”

Cole places a hand on the door and pauses. His face melts into a mournful frown. “I am so sorry-”

Aemond’s patience snaps. He barges the door open and storms inside. 

The tang of death is thick in the air.

His sister is kneeling in a pool of blood on the floor, screams tearing through her throat, occasionally broken by sobs and gasps for air. She is pawing at two, small, headless bodies.

Aegon hunches over her, tears streaming down his face as he tries to pull her away. “Let them go,” he begs her, “please, Hel, just let them go.”

It does not cease her screams. She flinches at his touch and pushes him away.

Their mother stands to the side of the room, crying too, her face twisted and red. She cradles Maelor in her arms, keeping his head between her shoulder and her neck as the boy shrieks and wails for a mother who cannot hear him.

Aegon looks up to him. His face is hollow and writhing at the horror before him. Aemond has never seen his brother so broken.

His mother says there were two of them, that they came into her chambers through a passage within the walls, and bound her. They waited for Helaena and the children. They said they were debt collectors, come to claim the lives of Jaehaerys and Jaehaera for the loss of Visenya and Lucerra.

He leads the hunt for the perpetrators himself. He has to. He cannot bear the wait, cannot bear to be within the same walls while his family grieves.

They find one at the city gates with the twins’ heads in a sack. He confesses he had been heading for Harrenhal, to collect his payment from Prince Daemon. Aemond ensures he dies screaming, in all the pain he imagines his niece and nephew suffered and more.

The other, a ratcatcher, according to the other man, cannot be found, no matter how he searches, no matter who he questions, no matter how many orders he bellows to the men of the City Watch. Instead he demands that all the city’s ratcatchers be hanged.

It is not enough. The damage has been done.

Aemond stands behind his family when they burn the bodies.

In the years since their marriage, he has never known his siblings to harbour any love outside of their marital duty. Now, as they stand before the funeral pyre, Aegon has his arm over Helaena’s shoulder and she leans into him. Their mother stands on Helaena’s other side, their hands clenched tightly together. 

Even their dragons have gathered. Shrykos and Morghul have come to mourn their bound souls, while Dreamfyre watches the scene a little further away, cooing a wounded song.

At Aegon’s order, Sunfyre crawls forwards. “Dracarys.” He chokes as he says it, and the little Prince and Princess are claimed by golden flames.

The blazing heat is intense but the surface of his skin still feels cold. He had overheard his mother saying something about the twins being bound in death as they were in life. What will it matter? He thinks. They are still dead.

When he retires to his chambers he lays out on the bed. He knows sleep will bring him no comfort, so he basks in the silence, the isolation, the awareness of his breath and the pounding of his heart.

And then his mind starts to slip. He sees Luke’s eyes burning with a curious fury across the hall of Storm’s End and the stubborn pout of her lips…

Then he feels her fading into him, her hands on either side of his jaw as she kissed him, her arms around his shoulders, his lips on her skin as she whimpered his name…

He slips further. He sees a storm. He sees her cloak billowing behind her as she falls. He tastes blood. In the distance, someone cries her name…

He wakes to a rumbling in his throat and his own cries echoing through the chamber.

After that he does what he can to dispel sleep. He whispers Valyrain poetry to himself, counts every individual scale on Vhagar’s hide from memory, thinks through games of cyvasse in his head, but nothing works for long. 

He keeps slipping back to her.

There is one horror that might spare his mind from the image of Lucerra, made all the more tangible when he can hear his sister’s screams and sobs echoing through the Holdfast. 

So he lies there, drifting between consciousness and tormented sleep, tears falling effortlessly down his face. He wants it to stop. He wants to tear his other eye from his face, pull his hair out from the root, scratch at his skin until there is nothing left but blood. But he does not. 

Three lives lost because of him, and how devastatingly simple the exchange had been.

At the behest of their mother, Aemond visits his brother at the same hour each day.

He finds what he has come to expect, newly replaced furnishings slashed and upturned, glass cups and mirrors shattered to fragments, books previously untouched torn to shreds and littered about the floor. Aegon is curled into a corner with his back against the wall, his mouth stained purple and his eyes red. Blackfyre is discarded at his side.

Aemond settles beside him. He reaches for an empty pitcher of wine and stands it upright. An attempt at restoring some semblance of normalcy.

“I failed them,” his brother whispers.

“They did not die by your hand,” Aemond replies.

“I should have protected them. What kind of father does not protect his own children?”

“Brother, if there can be blame, it should be my burden alone to bear. Had I simply done what was asked of me…” but he cannot finish. It’s like he’s drowning, a coldness washing over him in unrelenting waves as his very throat works against him. 

“No,” Aegon whispers. His lips start to twist into a snarl, bearing his teeth like a feral animal. “Justice comes due. That bastard slashed out your fucking eye and our father did nothing.”

The memory is still as clear as it had been in the moment. The stitches in his wound had hardly been sewn, accusations and demands flew through the air, and through it all the King- his father, had hardly looked at him. When he finally did there were no words of comfort, no remorse, just the desperate fury of a weak, old man. 

Just like that, he had felt his childish naivety slip between his fingers like smoke. It had been a cruel realisation.

Aemond had often thought he knew why their father had never been particularly impressed with his children after Rhaenyra. Aegon, a wasteful, Helaena, a dreamer, Daeron, a squire of Oldtown, and he, broken, and dragonless before that. But then he supposed, they had not always been the way they were. They were babes once, blissfully oblivious to the darkness of the world they had been born into. 

“Jaehaerys and Jaehaera were children,” he mutters, “they did not deserve to be dragged into this war.”

“I offered Rhaenyra peace and now she has taken my heir and my only daughter. They died afraid, not knowing if-” he lets out a startled sob and holds it back as quickly as it came. He looks down at his hands, stroking a finger over a ruby set in gold, one of the endless heirlooms he had been bestowed upon Viserys’ death. “I don’t think I ever told them I loved them.”

A thousand memories flash before his eye. Aemond had been there when they babbled their first words, caught Jaehaera into his arms when she took her very first steps, carried Jaehaerys on his shoulders when he was too tired to make the walk back to the castle from the beach…

Aemond’s lips curl under his teeth to bite down at the flesh of his mouth. He has always thought of the children as being Helaena’s rather than Aegon’s. Jaehaerys, quiet and unsure, and sweet little Jaehaera, wistful and dreamy, a little more daring than her twin. 

Aegon has spent most of his life fleeing from duty, and fatherhood is no exception.

He hesitates for a few moments, and gently places a hand over his. Aegon flinches at first, but settles at the touch.

“I will never be able to make things right,” Aegon says.

A dull yet familiar pain appears in Aemond’s skull, somewhere behind the sapphire in his socket. “We might yet,” he says. “If Rhaenyra wants a war, if she wants this to fall to fire and blood, then by the gods we will grant her this.”

Tags: @randomdragonfires @boundlessfantasy @toodlesxcuddles

[fotibrit]

It buries you, grief. Pulls you into an embrace so tight you’d rather it stay on top of you.

Maybe that’s why Tony found himself over and over, going through everything Peter left behind, trying to figure out what had happened. Tony sat, unshaven and unclean, surrounded by the wrappers of not enough food to support him yet all the food he has eaten, flipping through journals and searching Peter’s search history.

there has to be something, some piece of his boy left. something to discover.

This can’t be all that’s left. There’s some trick, some knot to come undone, there’s still a plot twist somewhere in the journal. There’s something he’s missing. he just has to find it.

Tony opens another bottle, takes a swig, and starts over. This is his sixth read through of the journal, and there will be hundreds more.

He will never find anything new.

Greif buries you.