#gwen write

[gwen-tolios]

Today i read a one star review of Fae Deals, which was complaints that the price wasn't worth the paperback (fair, but that's the reality) and also that the book was so dark that it's 100% not for kids, wowza go into reading this with eyes open.

Now I'm just low key laughing?

Most people buy Fae Deals for the Tooth Fairy story, but a lot of the other stories in that book I've shared here and wouldn't consider them dark fantasy (will admit in the past year my stuff has gotten darker but this book is stories at least 2 years old). I could be wrong, but what a funny thing to think about Fae Deals, labeling it dark.

Very curious if any of you think I write dark fantasy

[justaz]

country bumpkin merlin not knowing anything about city life and accidentally courting arthur without knowing

merlin, watching gwen give lancelot her favor: why do you do that

gwen, heart eyes at lance and not paying that much attention to the conversation: so he knows i’m rooting for him

merlin, with an Idea: ah.

gwaine, lover of chaos, pisser offer of nobles and royals alike, ultimate wingman: merlin…you have such lonely lips. shall i introduce them to mine?

merlin, unaware of the game gwaine is playing: so you can steal my breath away? i think not, scoundrel

arthur, crushing his goblet in his hand:

merlin: arthur’s been in a bad mood recently :( i should cheer him up

merlin, remembering when arthur was put out when merlin brought morgana flowers and not him: i know just the thing

merlin, bringing a bouquet of carnations, roses, and tulips and setting them on arthur’s table while he’s eating breakfast: good morning, sire

arthur, trained on flower language in hopes that one day when he was to take a queen he could woo her easily, trying not to audibly choke on his sausage as he reads merlin’s declaration of love sitting in front of him:

arthur, who recently found out about merlin’s magic and was trying to find a way to bring it up, catching him in the act and watching merlin panic to explain himself:

merlin, Freaking: and i swear to you arthur, i have only ever used it for you. my magic is yours. my life is yours. i am yours. i would never do anything to harm you. i have protected you for years and will continue to do so at your side if you’ll have me

arthur, already believing them to be courting, desperately trying to figure out if that was a proposal for marriage or not but tired of being confused and deciding fuck it: here.

merlin, taking it: i…uh…huh?

arthur, watching merlin with hawk eyes and trying to figure out what he’s thinking and feeling: it’s my mothers sigil

merlin, confused as FUCK but is focusing on the fact that arthur is handing him something of his mother rather than a death sentence: my…my lord?

arthur, realizing how scared merlin’s must be about him finding out about his magic and trying to comfort him while also proposing, killing two birds with one stone: i will always keep you at my side, merlin, so long as we both shall live. if you’ll allow me.

merlin, almost collapsing with relief and tearing up, smiling at arthur as if he had parted the storm clouds to allow sun to shine down on them in that moment: of course…of course, arthur. always and forever.

merlin, watching the castle staff rush this way and that: wow. this banquet must be incredibly important

sir leon the long suffering, day one ride or die, one of the original merthur shippers: banquet? merlin, this is for your wedding

merlin, overworked and exhausted: my WHAT? to WHO??

leon, regretting everything he’s ever done in his life that led him to this moment: to…arthur?

merlin, over joyed but also absolutely befuddled: i’m getting married to ARTHUR?????

leon: you two have been courting for the past year or so, have you not?

merlin: i’ve been COURTING ARTHUR?????? FOR A YEAR?????????

[whydon-twego]

"You have Arthur's complete trust" Merlin laughs when Gwen tells him this and asks her what she is talking about.

Gwen looks at him strangely, as if she thinks Merlin is joking but then she sees Merlin's expression and can't hide her surprise.

"Merlin, you do realise that you're the person Arthur trusts most in the world, right?" Merlin chuckles again but this time it is with a sense of guilt and annoyance that won't let him alone.

"I don't think so."

Gwen, who until then had been mending one of Morgana's dresses, puts down her needle and thread and looks at him seriously, Merlin doesn't think he has ever seen her like that.

"You two fooling around and teasing each other is fine, Merlin, but you can't really think Arthur doesn't trust you. You can come and go from his rooms as you please, whether he's there or not, you have the keys to his room, and you're the only person who has them, and the whole castle knows perfectly well that Arthur has priceless things in there. I know you shave him every morning and believe me, that is not the job of a manservant,"

"But he is the one who-"



"That's right, Merlin. He's the one who."

Gwen seems genuinely annoyed that Merlin doesn't grasp how much Arthur trusts him, and Merlin finds himself having a chasm in his chest because he doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about Arthur's trust in him, he doesn't want to think that Arthur thinks Merlin is a person worthy of his trust, because Arthur is the most noble and sincere person in the world and Merlin is hiding most of his life from him.

"I have to go, Gwen."

Merlin leaves everything where he is and does not even turn around when Gwen (probably guilt-ridden from that lecture) calls him back.

Merlin hides in the first crevice he finds and struggles to breathe.

He struggles to breathe because Arthur trusts him and he knows it, but he tries to think about it as little as possible. He tries to live life day by day and not think about tomorrow and how long it is that he is lying to him. He tries not to have a heart attack every time Arthur looks at him and smiles or pats him on the back saying "good job!" or when Arthur is the first to worry about him when they are attacked by bandits.

Merlin tries not to think about Arthur's scream when they were separated on a mission and Merlin had to drop rocks to protect him. He tries not to think about the time he had to steal the keys from Arthur's room and Arthur, finding him in the room early in the morning, didn't bat an eyelid at the excuse of the woodworms because Arthur trusts him and simply told him to leave.

Merlin is a horrible person who does not deserve this kind of trust, not when he is lying to the most important person in his life.

"Breathe."

Merlin, caught in the middle of a panic attack he didn't even realise was happening, jerks at the voice and Arthur's hand resting on his shoulder.

"Breathe, Merlin, come on, in and out, calmly, follow me" Arthur takes deep breaths and Merlin tries to keep up with him but Arthur's mere presence makes the situation worse and Merlin finds himself with tears in his eyes as Arthur looks at him more and more worried.

"Gwen!" shouts Arthur then and Gwen is at his side within moments "Go get Gaius, I can't move Merlin from here in this condition."

Gwen looks at Merlin and she's so worried and feeling so guilty that Merlin wants to say something to her but is already so much if he can breathe.

Gwen leaves and Arthur and Merlin are alone and Arthur strokes his back trying to calm him down and Merlin bursts into tears. 
Arthur lays a hand on his shoulder and settles him on top of him, not holding him too tightly for fear of Merlin's breathing getting worse.

"I was looking all over for you, you know? I thought you'd be at the tavern or having fun somewhere and instead, I find you here doing the doppol-head."

Merlin laughs between sighs and sobs and Arthur continues.

"You have a myriad of tasks to do. My armour is completely ruined, I have no idea where my sword is and you were supposed to revise my speech for this afternoon but apparently, you had better things to do."

Merlin's breathing calmed and he was finally able to concentrate better, noticing that the king was sitting on the dirt floor next to him and practically rocking him.

"Arthur…"

Arthur turns his head slightly but they still can't make eye contact.

"I have magic."

Arthur stiffens and Merlin already feels lost without his king by his side even though he is still physically there.

"Alright," Arthur murmurs and Merlin gets up to look at him because there is no way he is hearing correctly. Arthur turns to look at him and his expression isn't the happiest but Merlin can't blame him "we've been through a lot worse, haven't we?"

And etiquette be damned, what is right or not right to do at court, Merlin throws himself onto his king and holds him as if he never wants to let him go again, holds him trying to tell him everything he is unable to say right now in words.

Arthur holds him just as tightly and Merlin finally knows that everything will be all right.

And that is how Gwen and Gaius find them, embraced tightly in the middle of a corridor in Camelot.

[changanomaly]

i wanna be famous

[adhd-merlin]

the thing that gets me when watching random merlin bts videos is just how much work went into producing this silly show... I'll make fun of the little blue sidhe and then they'll interview someone from the costume department going "yes the makeup took us 8 hours to put together :)" or one of the CGI guys will talk about how they spent months trying to figure out how to animate kilgharrah and I'll feel bad for ever laughing at the bad special effects. the beautiful sets, the gorgeous handsewn gowns, the music. so much love was poured into this project it makes me a bit emotional if I think about it too much

[loveaetingkids]

(Like or reblog if you wanna use)

[tarjapearce]

I loved the crew interacting with the O’Hara family I was laughing the entire time!

Is it possible to do a reaction to Miguel first introducing his family to the crew? Like Mama!reader showing up to his office out of nowhere, no matter how many times Miguel said no and the crew stares in disbelief like - “YOU HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS?”

Imma switch it up a bit to fit into the Soccer Family AU 🤭. Glad you had fun with it!

"Why don't you just ask him?" Gwen deadpanned

"No. Can't just ask Mr. O'Hara, 'hey are you married? He's mean!" Mile's hand gestured

"I swear I saw him holding a baby. And it wasn't Mr. Parker's Mayday!" Pavitr chimed in, curiosity shining in his eyes

"Maybe his brother had a baby?"

"You'd owe me five if he's married." Hobie spoke as he laced up his boots. The three pair of eyes looked at him.

"Whu-?"

"Make it ten cause I know the man is a workaholic at heart"

Hobie shrugged.

"Dun' say I didn't warn ya."

"Dude, we have just done some chores for him, for the neighborhood really, he rarely asks for our services! He just asked us to clean his front yard!"

"Cause he likes minding his business." Gwen rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I know. maybe we can just ask him directly?" Mile's spoke as he looked Miguel’s car passing by.

Now all the eyes were on him.

"Or we... can spy him?"

Pavitr's smile turned into a smirk.

"Like, you distract him and the rest can go around to find any clues on his home"

"Why me?!"

"Cause it's your idea" Gwen chuckled

"I'm pretty sure that's property invasion"

"I'm in." Hobie mumbled

The plan was set.

----

Miles gulped for the thousandth time as he approached, the door of Mr. O'Hara's home growing ominously big and closer.

"Nuh uh. I'm out."

His phone buzzed, Gwen's name displaying on screen.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm out!"

"Miles, I swear... Just distract him enough for us to get a glimpse on the back side of his house!"

"If I die? Keep my collection of figurines intact." He could hear Gwen groaning from the other line.

"Don't be dramatic. Just ask him if he needs anything done this week!"

"Fine. Fine. Alright."

He shook his body and gave his cheeks a brief pat, walked over the door and dinged the doorbell. His breath hitched as the door slid open, but instead of Miguel, a woman opened the door. Short, pretty, kind eyes and hair donned in a messy bun. That was definitely one of Miguel's t-shirts.

"Yes?"

"Uh... Hi. I'm Miles Morales, from Friendly Neighborhood Spiders?"

"Oh?" You looked confused

"Just a little business me and my friends set up. Uh... we eh, we just ring doorbells and ask if we can do chores for the neighbors around the block?"

"That's pretty cool! Didn't know about it. Gotta ask Miguel if we need any services right now."

"Wait, you... You know Mr. O'Hara?"

"Mr. O'Hara?" You giggled, shaking your head, "Miguel! Mi amor! Can you come at the door please?"

Mi amor?

Miles' eyes went wide at the endearing term. His breath caught in his throat again as he saw Miguel’s hulking figure carrying a baby that wasn't Mayday. Just like Pavitr had said.

Gwen, Hobie and Pav approached behind Miles, they had been watching from the other side of the street and we're too tempted to not see the scene unfold for themselves.

"¿Qué pasó?" (What's wrong?)

His voice low as the baby was falling asleep in his arms.

"I didn't know we had some entrepreneurs in the neighborhood. They wanna know if we need anything this week."

"No" Miguel shook his head softly, the toddler in his arm stirred. A thick eyebrow of him raised at the expression of the four teens. A 'The legend is real' expression, all eyes settled on the golden ring around his finger, matching yours.

Hobie however just smirked. 30 bucks on his pockets would do nice things for him.

"Will go prepare dinner then. Nice to meet you guys!" You chirped and waved your goodbyes, leaving Miguel alone with them.

"So..."

His sharp features went blank

"You're married. And have kids."

"Oh! We can babysit that pretty baby too" Pavitr sing sung

"The lawn is enough for now." Miguel’s voice still remained low, but firm.

"Right. Uh, thanks. We'll be back."

A hurried 'have a good evening Mr. O'Hara' was thrown his way as they fled from his door.

Once they were far enough, Miles couldn't help but hold his head and gasp.

"He is married!"

"Yeah, noted." Gwen nodded

"Did you see that toddler?! Oh so chubby and precious!"

" Yeah, cool family and all. Y' owe me 30"

"You seriously know how to sour the moment" Pavitr slid two five bills on his hand.

"Well, mystery solved." Gwen slid another two bills on Hobie's hands

"That explains the baby chair in his car."

"You peeked into his car?!" Mile's freaked out

"Wut? Ya said you wanted to go in his home."

Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Kids."

[naamah-beherit]

Imagine:

Sam, who's still new enough at his job that he doesn't know the unspoken rule "If a dishevelled bloke comes looking for Gwen and claims to be her brother, pretend you don't know her and walk away".

So when a dishevelled bloke comes looking for Gwen and insists he must see her, it's a family emergency, you see, he's her brother, Sam, being a good lad at heart, gets him a visitor badge and takes him to see Gwen.

Who gets one glimpse of him, stands up with an, "Absolutely NOT, Elias, haven't I told you not to come here--"

"Hello, Gwen," says Elias like the headache that he is.

And the computer speakers crack in three voices in unison, "ELIAS BOUCHARD".

_____________

This is now a fic because I'm incapable of not acting on my plot bunnies

[lapseinart]

You think people from other universes feel weird or off to non-Spider people?

Like the Spideys are so used to their Spidey Senses telling them shits off, but Spidey Senses like other Spiders, so they can ignore it pretty easily but

Rio looks at the girl her son is talking to under the water tower and can’t get the crawling feeling of unease from nagging at her. This “Gwanda” is strange—not just white girl strange—the colors of her face seem to blur and blend in front of her, but that hardly makes sense; Rio is just being overprotective. When the girl promises to find Miles, Jeff thinks she looked like she was under UV light.

George Stacy could swear that the young man that drops the box for Gwen at his door changes colors every time he looks away. There’s something jagged and rough about him, and it’s not just the punk aesthetic. If he squints, George thinks he can see some kind of aura around him.

The boy in the black mask that saves Inspector Singh is odd, for a lack of better word. His suit looks too… black, oddly textured in a way that Singh can’t quite define. For once, he is grateful for the Spider they do have.

[an-entity-i-think]

Merlin to Gwen: will you do me the honor of being my sister in law?

Morgana, whispering to Arthur: is he trying to marry Elyan?

Arthur, whispering to Morgana: he better fucking not

Gwen to Merlin, completely in tune: yes! I can't wait for us to be family!!

Arthur, now frantically whispering to Morgana: do you have any idea what's going on? who's getting married? What's happening????

Morgana, whispering back just as frazzled: I have no fucking clue- oh shit they're walking towards us- act natural

Merlin, to Arthur: :)

Gwen, to Morgana: :)

Arthur and Morgana making quick panicked side eyes to each other: 👁👄👁

Morgana, trying to be casual confident girlboss: congrats! Who's getting married? Haha

Gwen and Merlin, glancing to each other with barely there smirks: well we are I suppose! Let's go!

*takes the arms of their best friends/crushes*

Gwen, seductively to Morgana: so I'm thinking at our wedding we should go with reds and purples, God you look amazing in purple

Morgana: *bluescreens*

Merlin, nonchalantly hanging onto Arthur's side like Arthur isn't already about to have a heart attack, getting really close to his face: so if I'm technically the Druid King, our wedding- yours and mine of course- will have to be a mix of cultures. I'm sure everyone will understand.

Arthur: ou- our? Um our? Ou- *bluescreens*

Gwen and Merlin: *high five* efficiency!

[hezekiahwakely]

Now that Alice has had her own traumatic supernatural experience, maybe Gwen can return the favor and show her some small act of kindness to comfort her, which would serve as a narrative parallel and also push the two of them closer together so they can realize that maybe they have more in common than they originally thought and then they start to team up and trust each other despite their remaining deep 'dislike' for each other and

[fantasystar14]

The fact that Max was genuinely invested in Gwen’s story only for him to throw it away immediately once he was told it was plagiarism and Gwen basically used OCs as a self-insert will never not be funny to me.

He was basically mesmerized over a romantic movie script. Never forget that. 

[catoslvt]

Duncan Tarun (tdi) x Reader

You replace courtney in this sorry ☹️

Challenges are weekly, so I don't need to watch the show 24/7, to figure out who's out first, etc, soz zxx

I stand at the edge of the boat, my heart racing.

I'm only here for one reason, to win, and maybe to make some friends, but mainly to win.

As it begins to pull up to the island, I notice a big crowd of people there already, probably more than half of the contestants, if not all of them, I'm not close enough to see yet.

As the boat stops at the dock, I grab my bags and climb out, where Chris greets me.

"This is y/n!" He exclaims as he motions to all of the other contestants, and a few of them wave whilst some roll their eyes, but I approach the group anyway with a smile, before fitting myself in a gap next to a really pretty girl with green / midnight blue hair and a short boy.

"Nice hair." I tell her, and she smiles widely at me, before an extremely attractive boy arrives on the dock, and I notice almost everyone swooning for him, but my attention is grabbed when a ginger girl begins to arrive, screaming her head off, she must've been excited because she jumps out of the boat before its even docked, whacking her head and chin full force off of the dock, which causes me to let out a small laugh.

Once Chris has helped the girl, he clears his throat.

"First things first, we need a group photo for the promos, everyone to the end of the dock." He announces as I walk with the girl and the short boy.

"I'm gwen." She tells me with a smile.

"I'm y/n." I introduce, and the short boy next to me smiles at me.

"I'm Cody." He says, and I just nod at him before I stand at the edge of the dock, staring down at the water.

As we all pose, gwen and I wrapping our arms around each other, Chris holds up his camera.

"Okay.. three..two..one." He begins, but he quickly lets out a large 'oops!'

"Okay, forgot the lens cap. Okay, hold that pose.." He yells again.

"One.. tw- no wait, cards full. Hang on." He says and I let out a small groan.

"Jesus, do you want me to do it for you?" I call to him earning a small laugh from the group, but Chris just shakes his head, but I did earn a small smile from him.

"Come on man, my face is starting to freeze." A girl I haven't been introduced to yet groans.

"Got it! Okay, everyone, say Wawanakwa!" He yells to us, and we all begin to say it, but the dock breaks beneath us, sending us all plummeting into the water.

"Okay, guys, dry off and meet at the camp fire pit in ten." Chris announces, and as Gwen and I climb out of the water, I stare at her.

"He totally planned that, right?" I ask, and she lets out a small laugh as she nods her head at me.

As we all sit around the fire pit, Chris begins to talk.

"This is Camp Wawanaka, your home for the next eight weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates,your competition and maybe even your friends." He says as we all look around each other, smiling at each other whilst a fairly attractive boy up the back just glares at each other, earning a slight eye roll from me.

"The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000!" Chris exclaims before the same boy from earlier storms to the front, a slight grin on his face.

"Excuse me, what will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her." He coos as he points a finger at Heather, I think that's her name anyway Gwen told me it is.

"They're not Co-ed, are they?" She asks, and Chris stares at all of us.

"No, girls, get one side of each cabin. Boys get the other side." He explains and Linday puts up her hand.

"Excuse me, Kyle, can I have a cabin with a lake view since I'm the prettiest?" She asks, her voice deafingly squeaky.

"Okay, you are, but that's not really how it works here. And it's Chris." He states, and Gwen looks at me with a shocked look on her face.

"That sounded really creepy." She mouths and I nod in agreement.

Suddenly, the two girls Sadie and Kadie who would look like fraternal twins from afar begin to cry in case they're not in the same cabin and Gwen scoffs.

"This cannot be happening." She mumbles, and Owen pulls her and Tyler into a hug by the neck earning an eruption of laughter from me.

"Here's the deal, we're going to split you into two teams. If I call your name out, go stand over there." Chris instructs as he points a finger to the back corner of the fire pit.

"Gwen, trent, Heather, Cody, Lindsay, Beth, kadie, Owen, leshawna, Justin, and noah! From this moment on, you are officially known as the screaming gophers!" He exclaims, and I stare at gwen as she walks away, feeling slightly lonely at the fact the only person I've spoken to so far is in the opposite team.

"The rest of you over here, Geoff, Bridgette, dj, Tyler, Sadie, izzy, y/n, Ezekiel, Duncan, Eva, and Harold, move move move!" He exclaims, and I stand up and force myself to walk over to the other side of the fire pit.

"But Kadies a gopher! I have to be a gopher!" Sadie screams, and i walk over to her and place my hand on her shoulder.

"Sadie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay." I say as I lead her over to our team, trying to drown out her and Kadies screaming on how this isn't fair.

I let out a large laugh when I heard our team name.

"Oh, come on? The killer bass? Who came up with that." I mutter under my breath, and Bridgette laughs before Chris begins speaking again.

"Alright, campers, you and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition. You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries anytime you want. Let the audience at home know what you're really thinking, or just get something off your chest." He says with a smile, and I nod my head, I'll probably be in there a lot.

"Alright, any questions? Cool. Let's find your cabins." He says, not really giving us time to ask any questions though.

As he leads us to the cabins, I audibly gasp at how small they are.

"Gophers, you're in the east cabin, bass. You're in the west!" He exclaims before ushering us into the cabins, where I slap my hand over my mouth when I see its bunk beds.

"Y/n, do you want to share one with me?" Bridgette asks and I nod at her.

"You can take the top if you want, I don't mind." She offers as I set my bags down on the floor at the bed she's standing at.

"Thanks." I say with a small smile.

As Bridgette and I walk outside, the same dude that was glaring at everyone at the campfire approaches us, his names Duncan I'm pretty sure.

"Nice piercings." I say, raising my eyebrows at him, and he smiles slightly and goes to say something until blood curdling screams come from the other teams cabins, and we all run over.

"Man, that white girl can scream." Leshawna says and we all let out small chuckles before we look in the cabin to see Lindsay ontop of a chair pointing at something crawling around the floor.

"What is it!? Kill it!" She screams, and Dj looks at the floor and lets out an even higher pitched scream as he throws himself at a bed, breaking it instantly.

"That was my bed." Gwen states as she stares at her now broken bed, and I let out a laugh from beside her.

"Just come sneak into our cabin." I say with a joking nudge to her side and she smiles.

As everyone tries to kill the cochroach, making us all scream, Duncan just storms in with an axe and slams it into the floor, cutting the cockroach in half, atleast it did the job I suppose.

"Well, that's one way to kill a cockroach." Gwen says with a small chuckle, and I nod in agreement.

"Hey, now you've got a dead cockroack and a dent on your floor." I say to her, and she just laughs.

As I stand behind gwen in the line for food, Duncan stands behind me, and I can turn to him.

"Not got your axe now, hm?" I ask with a laugh, and he just rolls his eyes before I turn away again.

"Listen up, I serve it three times a day, and you will eat it three times a day. Grab a tray. Get your food and sit your butts down now!" The chef yells, and I raise my eyebrows slightly, taken back by his attitude and sterness.

As he piles food onto our plates, I stare at the food, unsure if it's actually even food, as I walk over and take a seat next to Bridgette, and Duncan raises his eyebrows as he walks over and sits down directly infront of me.

"Yo, my man. Can we order a pizza?" Geoff asks Chris and chef quickly throws a knife at him, missing him by inches, which makes my eyes widen in shock.

Surely this isn't safe.

"Your first challenge begins in one hour." Chris exclaims before he walks out, and we all let out little 'oooo's of excitement.

As we all stand at the edge of the cliff, I regret getting excited.

"Okay, your first challenge is simple. Your first task is to jump off this 1000ft high cliff into the lake." Chris begins, and we all just shrug.

"Sounds easy enough." I whisper to Gwen.

"If you look down, you will see two target areas. The wider area represents the part of the lake that we have stocked with psychotic, man-eating sharks. Inside, that is the safe zone, which is your target area, which we're pretty sure is shark free." He tells us and leshawna shakes her head in total disbelief.

"Excuse me?" She quizzes.

"For each member of your team that jumps and actually survives, there will be a crate of supplies waiting below. Inside each crate are supplies that you'll need for the second part of the challenge, building a hot tub!" He exclaims.

"The team with the best one gets to have a wicked hot tub party tonight. The losers will be sending someone home. Let's see, killer bass. You're up first." He then finishes and as Bridgette and I move closer to the edge, our faces both change in fear.

"Oh, wow. So, who wants to go first?" She quizzes, and our whole team stays silent, Duncan even turning his back to us, and a million thoughts race through my head.

I mean, if I go first I get it over and done with, meaning over peoples screaming won't put me off.

"So, who's up first?" Eva asks and Duncan stares over at me.

"Ladies first." He coos and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Fine, I'll go." I say with a shrug as I approach the edge of the cliff, staring down at the water below me.

As I jump, I actually begin enjoying it, not letting out a single scream as I land in the smaller target, a boat coming to whisk me out of the water almost instantly as I happily climb on, looking back up at the top of the cliff to see Bridgette leaning over and shooting me a thumbs up.

Then Tyler goes, landing on the buoy, letting out a painful groan as he slides off it, causing me to slap a hand over my mouth.

Then Geoff goes, letting out excited screams without a care in the world, Eva following straight behind, Duncan falling close behind too as I stare at him with a small smile on my face as I watch how unfazed he is by this, almost as if he goes cliff diving every other weekend.

Ezekiel comes close behind, too, still wearing his shoes and hat for some reason, but I decide not to quiz against it, and we all clap and cheer from the small sandy area not too far away, even Duncan smiling slightly.

Then Harold comes down, landing on the water in the splits.

"Good luck trying to conceive with him." I mumble to Eva, who smiles slightly, but Duncan is the one who laughs.

"I didn't know you could laugh." I tease with a sarcastic smile.

"I didn't know you could he funny." He teases back, giving me the same smile.

I then realise bridgette, Dj, and Sadie haven't come down yet, which confuses me slightly, why aren't they coming?

But then my jaw drops when both Sadie and kadie jump down from the cliff.

"No fucking way did he let Kadie move into our team." I gasp to myself, which means either Bridgette, Izzy or Dj swapped into the Gophers, and I wouldn't care who did along as it wasn't Bridgette.

But I realise the rest of our team chickened out, as the other team begins to jump.

The screaming Gophers won the challenge they actually won, which means we have to drag our crates back to the camp, and we've got a decent amount away from where the crates were first placed, when Sadie, Kadie and Tyler all decide they need to pee, making me groan in annoyance.

"We're never winning this." I grumble to Eva and bridgette, who both nod in agreement.

Once they all eventually come back, we begin pushing our crates again, my arms beginning to ache from the weight of mine, but yet again Sadie and Kadie slow us down by itching themselves.

"You guys are way behind the other team. Like way behind, what's the problem?" Chris asks and I roll my eyes and point at them.

"Their butts are itchy." I groan in annoyance.

"Did you guys squat down when you peed in the woods?" Bridgette asks, and I try not to laugh at her chicken hat, but it's almost impossible.

"Yeah?" Kadie says.

"Did you happen to notice what kind of plants you were squatting down on?" Bridgette continues to ask.

"They were kind of oval shaped and green and all over the place." Sadie answers, put I zone out of their conversation as I continue to push my crate back to camp.

"Need help?" Duncan asks as he casually strolls over to me.

"Where's your crate?" I gasp and he points smugly over to Dj as he pushes a crate.

"Had to let the chicken do something." He says with a small laugh, and I move over slightly so there's enough space for Duncan to help push my crate.

"I didn't actually expect you to jump off of the cliff first." He admits, and I turn to him and smile, secretly being grateful for his help, as my arms don't ache as much from pushing and we're definitely getting closer to camp.

"Neither did I if I'm gonna be honest." I tell him with an awkward laugh.

"I'm Duncan, by the way incase you didn't already know that." He says and I feel his eyes on me.

"I'm y/n." I introduce with a smile.

Duncan and I are the first to make it back to camp, I collapse to my knees in exhaustion and decide to wait until the rest of my team are back to start doing stuff, and when we start building our hot tub, it's obvious what team wins.

"Congratulations screaming Gophers, you guys have won the challenge!" Chris exclaims, and I let out a small sigh.

"Gophers, you're safe from elimination, and you get to use this awesome hot tub for the rest of the summer, killer bass. What can I say? You lost, and I'll see your sorry butts tonight at the campfire for elimination." Chris says before walking off.

"So uh, what do we do now?" Kadie asks as our team all sits around the dinner table, eating whatever concoction chef has made for us.

"We have to think of someone to eliminate?" I say as if it wasn't obvious, and I can see Duncans' growing smile from beside me.

"Well, I think it should be either Bridgette or Dj." He says, and I shake my head.

"Not bridgette, she's my only good friend on this team, gwen is on the other team." I beg, and Duncan just smiles at me.

When Ezekiel says something really sexist, it's a bit obvious who we're gonna vote.

When he said that boys were better at sports and stronger than girls, I wanted to twist his stupid little head off of his shoulders, I mean, he's annoyed me ever since he got on this team, and he creeps me out. Especially when he was picking his nose and staring at me.

"Dude, you've got a lot to learn about the real world." Duncan says to Ezekiel after I told him why we all voted for him.

"Killer bass, at camp marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy roasting by the fire, but at this camp, marshmallows represent life. You've all cast your votes and made your decisions. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the dock of shame to catch the boat of losers, which means you're out of the contest, and you can't come back Ever." Chris states, and we all just stare at him.

"The first marshmallow of the night goes to Geoff." He says, and Geoff runs to Chris and grabs his marshmallow.

"Tyler." Chris then says and Chris lets out a victory cheer as he collects his marshmallow.

"Kadie, bridgette, Dj, Harold, Sadie, Duncan." Chris continues and I suddenly stare up at the group.

Why is it now between Ezekiel and I, when there's one marshmallow left.

Suddenly, my heart begins to race, and I think I feel myself sweating.

"Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the evening.. y/n!" He bursts, and i stand up extremely happy as I collect my marshmallow from him, stabbing my marshmallow with my stick as I begin roasting it over the fire.

I wake up and rub my eyes, letting out a small groan as I roll over, falling off of the top bunk with a large thud, waking up basically all the girls who weren't already awake from the foghorn.

"Are you alright!?" Bridgette yells, and I sit up and shoot her a thumbs up.

"I forgot I wasn't at home. My beds a lot bigger than that, and it's closer to the floor." I tell her as we both let out small laughs, before Eva clears her throat.

"Are you sure you're okay? You bumped your head pretty hard." She states and I turn to her with a large smile.

"I'm sure I'm fine, I fall so much I'm really Clumsy." I say before Chris screams for everyone to hurry up and get out, so I quickly scramble to get changed before we all line up outside, and I speed walk to Gwen were I stand next to her.

"I hope you're all ready because your next challenge begins in exactly one minute." Chris yells, a little too enthusiastically, and Owen quickly panics.

"Oh, excuse me, I don't think that's enough time to eat breakfast." He says as she shakes his head, and chris sort of nods as if it was the whole point of this.

"Oh, you'll get breakfast, Owen. Right after you complete your twenty kilometre, run around the lake!" He yells, and Eva's eyebrows furrow as she lunges at Chris trying to hit him, but Duncan holds her back.

"Oh, so you're funny now!? You know what i think would be funny?" She exclaims.

"Eva, calm down it won't be that bad." I call to her.

Don't get me wrong, I like Eva, but her temper scares me so badly, and I've only known her for a week, but she is nice when she wants to be.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Eva quizzes Chris, and he looks at us all with a smug expression as he points to his watch.

"A little.. you have about thirty seconds." He then says, and Eva's brows furrow as she tries to lunge at him again, but duncans grip on her is too strong.

When the run begins, I suddenly realise how warm it is, and I'm really not in the mood to run, like don't get me wrong, I enjoy running and I'm good at it, but not when it's extremely warm and I'm just up but I walk beside Gwen to begin with, and we both laugh at how other people are running as if they're being chased by a mad psycho serial killer and I tell her about my fall earlier.

"Pick up the pace people, if you're not back for dinner tonight, you don't get to eat!" Chris exclaims as he drives past us on a scooter, and gwen and I both look at each other before we take off in a sprint.

I'm really happy I signed up for Total Drama Island because i met gwen, and I've not had a friend like her ever, I hope we'll still stay in touch once the shows ended.

Gwen and i make it back to the cabin shortly after, and burst in the door panting and almost falling too our knees out of exhaustion.

"Sorry Chris, I think you've mistaken yourself for my P.E. teacher." I growl as I go and sit at the table with people from my team, and Chris lets out a small laugh.

"I could have more than one career." He jokes and I let out a small laugh.

"Is one of them being a major pain?" I quiz and his laughing stops as he just shakes his head at me, but he smiles anyways.

"Clear a table now!" Owen screams as he barges into the cabin and drops noah on it, quickly giving him cpr as gwen stares. I'm shocked, leshawna walking in close behind.

"Where were you, Harold!? We lost!" I scream, and he just shakes me away before gwen lets out a squeal.

"Wait a minute if they lost.. that means we won the challenge!" She yells happily and her full team begins celebrating but Chris quickly shuts them down.

"Woah there, hold your horses, guys. That wasn't the challenge." Chris denies and I stare at him with pure anger, are you seriously telling me I just sprinted for nothing?

"What did you just say?" Gwen gasps, taking the words right out my mouth as I slam my head down on the table extremely outraged.

"Who's hungry!?" Chris yells and as I sit up I see a large table full of all sorts of foods, and usually I'm a picky eater but after I've ate the shit that chefs been making, I'm not so picky anymore.

I stand up and happily run to the table, staring down at all the food, and instantly we all begin eating, nobody caring about the usual table manners we'd normally have, and once we've ate the full table, I can practically feel a full food baby growing inside of me.

"Okay, campers, time for part two of your challenge." Chris yells through a megaphone.

"I thought eating was the second part." Owen gasps.

"What more do you want from us?" Gwen also gasps and Heather nods in agreement.

"Weird goth girl is right, haven't we been through enough?" Heather exclaims and I glare at her for insulting gwen.

"Uhm, let me think about that. No!" Chris screams through the megaphone.

"It's time for the awake-a-thon!" He yells, and I stare at him and gasp. He's just made us run and then eat ourselves to the brink of explosion, and now he's going to make us stay awake.

"The what-a-thon?" Owen asks confused and I turn my head to him, how stupid can one person be.

"Don't worry, this is an easy one. The team with the last camper standing wins invincibility." He announces, and I groan, I am not surviving this one.

"So, what you're saying was the 20k run and the turkey eating frenzy were part of your evil plan to stop us from staying awake?" Gwen asks and chris nods.

"That's right gwen!" He exclaims with an evil smile.

"Move move move!" He then yells, and we all leave the cabin, gwen grabbing me as trent approaches her.

"So, how long do you think it'll be before everyone's out cold?" He asks, but he's mainly asking gwen.

"About an hour give or take." She answers but as Owen walks past us I shake my head.

"Probably less." I say as we walk out the door.

It's been eleven hours, and everyone's still up, but it's clear we're all tired due to the dark eyebags we've all grown to get, but the thing is I'm not even that tired to be honest, but the tiredness kicks in once Owen passes out from lack of sleep, and I instantly realise I am extremely tired.

"This is so boring." I sigh to Duncan who is now somehow sitting beside me, although minutes ago he was nowhere to he seen.

"Atleast the fun people are still awake." He says with a slight nudge to my shoulder earning a small smile from me.

"This has to be some sort of illegal." I then say to Duncan and he just shrugs.

"I mean, we did agree to doing weird stuff like this, plus I've done worse and gotten away with it, so im sure they can too." He tells me, and I cross my arms.

"I wish I could go back in time to tell myself not to do it." I groan, and Duncan nods in agreement as I turn to look at him, and he lets out a small chuckle.

"Heard you fall earlier." He coos and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, from the top bunk while I was still half asleep." I add, and he raises an eyebrow.

I'm assuming we've almost been up for 24 hours now, and I've came to the conclusion that if I walk around then I can't fall asleep, I mean I'm keeping my brain occupied aren't I?

"Y/n, you have to sit down. You're going to end up killing yourself." Duncan calls and I shrug him off.

"At least i'll die active." I argue, and he just rolls his eyes as he continues to watch me walk around.

Looking back, I totally regret walking around. It made me so much more exhausted, but I didn't want to fall asleep, not yet atleast I don't want to be one of the first people out.

Bridgette, izzy, noah, Sadie, Harold, and kadie are all all sleeping now, and honestly, I'm extremely jealous, but no way am I falling asleep on national TV.

"Congratulations, campers, you've made it to the twenty four hour mark, time to take things up a notch, fairytales." Chris yells as chef walks in wearing a lamb costume whilst carrying a harp, and i know this won't be good, so I begin jogging on the spot, trying to do anything that'll help me stay awake because at this point I'm desperate.

As Chris begins to read the fairy tales in his monotone voice, chef starts playing the harp, and I can't help but let out a small laugh to myself at how insane he looks.

Tyler and Geoff almost instantly fall asleep, and I panic, i have to stay awake otherwise my team will lose, and I do not want to vote another player out.

We very slowly hit the forty hour mark and I find myself back next to Duncan, and we both try to spark up a little conversation.

"The first day when you said 'nice piercings' to me, were you saying it to be mean? Not that I care or anything, I just want to know." Duncan asks as we move to sit on the floor facing each other.

"No, I meant it. They're cool. I wish I was brave enough to pull something like that off." I tell him with a genuine smile, and he shrugs.

"I mean, you never know unless you try, right?" He asks, and I shrug, I suppose he's right.

"My parents would never, they'd kill me." I gasp and he laughs.

"That's one of the reasons why I did it." Duncan tells me, and I laugh and stare at him.

"Oh, big Mr. criminal rebels against his parents." I joke as I rub my eyes, trying my hardest to stay awake now that I'm talking to Duncan.

"Give me a break." He groans, but I can't help but see the smile he's trying his hardest to conceal.

"So, how's life for you outside the island?" Duncan then asks desperately, trying to keep the conversation going as it's keeping us both up.

"Well, I go to school during the day and at weekends I work at a small coffee shop near my house." I answer and he scoffs.

"God. Do you actually care about your education?" He asks, as if it was even a question, and I let out a small laugh.

"I mean, it probably sounds boring or whatever, but I want to be a history teacher when I leave school, I love history." I tell him and he rolls his eyes so I gasp.

"Oh come on, then Mr Big hard criminal, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I ask, and he raises his eyebrows.

"A professional criminal." He answers, and I can't really tell if he's joking or not.

"Nope. Now you can't be one because you've just ruined your plans on national TV, I wouldn't be surprised if you're whisked away back to juvy after saying that." I tell him with a joking laugh which he returns.

"Wouldn't be the first time." He tells me and I stare at him confused, suddenly now extremely intrigued.

"What've you gone to Juvie for?" I question, and he smiles at the fact I'm actually interested.

"Fights, vandalism, petty theft, just the boring stuff, you know?" He asks with a small chuckle.

"You act as if going to Juvie is an everyday thing." I say with a horrified look before he starts a different conversation.

"Why did you sign up for Total Drama?" He asks me and I think for a second.

"I mean, for the experience, I suppose, I don't really do stuff like this and to make friends on the show, I guess. I don't have many friends back at home. What about you?" I respond and he nods.

"To get out of juvie, also for the money, but then again I'm not guaranteed to win anyway am I?" He answers, and I nod. He has a fair point. Whoever wins is completely luck based, apart from challenges anyway.

But my attention is grabbed when Owen walks past us butt naked, and we both let out large laughs, and I'm surprised it didn't wake the other already sleeping contestants up.

"Even when you're dying of exhaustion, you're still pretty." Duncan says to me and I look at him as I begin blushing with a small smile on my face, but I say nothing and look away trying to hide my blush.

"You've got a boyfriend back at home, don't you? Sorry." Duncan quickly says, and i shake my head as I turn to him.

"No, I don't, I just don't handle compliments well, plus you're not too bad yourself." I reassure you, and he nods as he begins smiling again.

We eventually hit the fifty-one hour mark when everyone looks at Justin, who's just been staring out into the forest, unmoving for the past probably, fifty hours, I'd say.

But when gwen pokes his face and his actual eyes open, revealling that he painted his eyes on I let out a horrific gasp.

"Holy shit." I gasp to myself.

"His eyelids are painted, I saw it!" Eva screams, and everyone turns to Justin as chris begins to walk over to investigate, but he's still out although it was impressive.

We finally hit the eighty five hour mark, and honestly, i know duncan inside out, i could answer any question about him. it's insane, and that's when Duncan leans close to my ear as he points to Harold.

"Do you want to see something funny?" He whispers and I nod and Duncan quickly slips away before he comes back with a cup of water and places Harold's hand in it, instantly making him pee himself I snort with laughter as I slap a hand over my mouth trying to quiet myself.

"You're so sad!" I whisper yell to Duncan through my laughter.

Heather, gwen, Trent, Duncan Eva, and I are the only ones left, and I hope they all fall asleep soon so I can finally shut my eyes.

"Alright, you six stay with me. The rest of you go get a shower for heavens sake you stinK!" Chris yells to everyone who's now eliminated.

"I didn't want it to come to this, I said that to Chef Hatchet last night, I said 'chef, I don't want it to come to this!' But darn it, these campers are tough, so I've come up with the most boring, sleep inducing activity I can find." Chris yells and I furrow my eyebrows.

Honestly. What can be more boring than sitting awake for eighty five hours straight with hardly anything to do apart from talk to Duncan and gwen, and as much as I wasn't complaining, I was going to kill the other contestants just so I could sleep, I mean seriously how is it possible we all stayed up for that long? But I don't mind staying up with Duncan. He's really nice once you get to know him. I think I like him a little.

"The history of Canada, a pop-up book. Chapter one, the beaver and a real fine hat." Chris says putting on the same monotone voice from earlier as he pulls out the book, opening it up and I let out a massive sigh as I go to throw my hands up outraged, I realise Duncan and I are sitting as if we're glued shoulder to shoulder together and I find myself blushing.

Eighty six hours in now, Chris is still reading, Eva and Heather are asleep now so it's just two remaining from each team.

As chris continued to groan on with that silly monotone voice, I was due standing up and ripping that silly book from his hands and beating him to death with it.

Gwens pov 😜

As trent falls asleep, I look towards y/n and Duncan to see how my competition is holding up, and that's when I watch y/n fall asleep, her head landing on duncans shoulder as he turns bright red clearly oblivious on what to do, and he stays like that for a solid ten minutes until Chris closes the book.

"Bathroom break, any takers?" He asks and I watch as duncans leg bounces up and down as he clearly needs the toilet.

"I've held it this long, sweetheart, I could go all day." He scoffs to me and I raise my eyebrows as I stand up.

"Yeah, but can you hold it for another ten chapters?" I coo, and his face goes ghostly white, and he goes to jump up, but y/n let's out a small tired groan, and he looks at me.

"Gwen, swap places with me, we can switch back once I'm done." He begs and I nod my head as we carefully switch places, me being careful not to wakeup y/n, but chef comes quickly to pick her up and take her to her cabin so she can sleep on her bed for a little while.

Back to ur pov

When I wake up, i only hear Eva screaming and throwing things around in our cabin, but I'm too tired to care so I instantly fall back asleep, being awake for eightysix hours changes you I swear.

As I sit next to Duncan at the bonfire falling in and out of sleep, he has to shake me to make sure I stay awake from time to time, and each time I open my eyes to his extremely tired smile, but I think its cute that he's still trying for me, could Duncan like me back?

I know it's insane that I've now got a crush on Duncan when I've only known him for a week, but after spending eighty six hours talking to him straight, it changed my perspective on him, he's sweet.

I'm not even listening to what Chris has to say, really. I'm too tired, I'm only listening for my name, which is said third, so I happily stand up and grab my marshmallow, sticking it on my stick as I hold it over the fire till its a perfect golden shade, and I blow on it for a few seconds and begin eating it, letting out a small gasp when I realised I did it perfectly, and as much as I'm sad that Eva was voted out anyway, I'm kinda glad. Her temper was too much for me.

"I definitely do like Duncan, I think he's really nice to me anyway, and that's all that matters, right? But he can't like me. He's probably just acting like this with me, so I fall into a fake alliance like what Heather is doing with Lindsay and Beth. It's cruel but smart." I say to the camera in the confession booth toilet thing, I'm still not too sure what it even is at this point, before I rake my mind trying to think of what else to say, but there's nothing really, so I open the door and climb out, walking straight Into Duncan.

"Woah there, princess, watch your step." He coos as he places his hand on my shoulders.

"Watch where you're standing." I coo back as I motion to how he's right infront of the door.

"Maybe I wanted to hear what you were saying." He says, and I feel my face drop. He's joking, right? He has to be joking.

"It's meant to be confidential!" I gasp as I stare at him.

"Confidential, but you're saying it to a camera which broadcasts it to live TV? Cmon y/n I thought you were smarter than this, you want to be a history teacher!" Duncan argues and I roll my eyes but I can't help but smile at him.

"It's not an act, by the way." He says as he grabs my chin with two fingers and forces it up to look at him, and I turn bright red before he lets go and begins climbing in our make do confession booth.

"I'll see you at dinner, princess." He then coos as he slams the door, and I stand and stare at the door for a minute. Surely this isn't happening.

As I walk back to the cabins, I see gwen walking over to me with a large smile on her face as I approach her and I quickly grab her wrist and drag her into a area only slightly into the forest, but its far away from everyone so nobody can hear, and I let it all spill, everything.

"Wait, so Duncan heard you confessing you like him, and now he's flirting with you?" She asks with a small laugh and I shrug.

"I don't know if I could say it was flirting.. more like teasing?" I answer and she shakes her head.

"Y/n, come on, how blind are you? He's so into you." She says as she grabs my shoulders and shakes them violently, shaking up my brains, but we both laugh anyway.

"So what should I do about it?" I then ask, and she smirks.

"At dinner, ignore him. Come sit with trent, and I, make him talk to you." She states and I nod slowly taking all this in.

And at dinner I do exactly that, I sit next to gwen, trent sitting directly infront of us as we eat chefs food, and honestly I've grown to like it and I'll definitely miss it when I have to go home, but I think I'm going to miss everything about the camp, even maybe Chris and Heather. Maybe.

All throughout dinner, I can feel duncans eyes on me, and gwen confirms it when she nudges me.

"God y/n, I'm surprised your head hasn't exploded with the way he's staring at you." She whispers and I smile and look up at Duncan, who continues to stare at me even now that I've noticed his staring, and he doesn't even look embarrassed that he's been caught and instead he just waves and I wave back, and gwen motions for him to come sit with us and honestly he flies off of the table he's sitting at and practically runs towards our table taking the seat infront of me.

"I couldn't handle another minute of Sadie and kadie talking." He groans, and I smile.

"Yeah? Try sharing a bedroom with them all night they sit and giggle about best friend stuff." I say, furrowing my eyebrows, and gwen nudges me.

"If we're ever invited back once this season is over, we should beg Chris to let us on the same team so we can do that." She gasps and I widen my eyes at her as I nod.

"Yeah, smart idea." I agree and Duncan and trent both shake their heads.

"Please don't." They both beg in usion and gwen, and I let out small laughs.

Once dinners over, we all decide to walk to the firepit, seeing as we don't see anyone walking in that direction, and once we get there, Duncan grabs my hand.

"You guys wouldn't mind if I borrowed y/n for a moment?" Duncan asks, but he doesn't even wait for an answer as he drags me down to the bottom of the dock of shame where he stands infront of me, and I can't help but imagine how many people are watching this right now, but I mean it's not really my main concern at this exact moment of time.

"I do actually like you, and I know it's hard to believe seeing the sort of situation we're in right now, but I really do." Duncan quietly tells me, his big Mr criminal ego suddenly dissapeared.

"Well, you listened to my time with the camera so you know I like you too." I tell him as i shake my head.

"No, but y/n, I mean I like you, like no matter what happens on this island, I want to leave it being in a relationship with you." He continues and I just laugh.

"Duncan?" I ask.

"What?" He replies.

"Shut up." I say with a small laugh before I lean up and kiss him.

[braisedhoney]

we’re supposed to be the good guys.

[adhd-merlin]

I hope merlin eventually told arthur how he and gwen met, which is to say she witnessed him trying to punch arthur in the face and felt compelled to go find him in the stocks later to praise him for the attempt

[ethaniscool69]

"you love him." gwen said, knowingly.

arthur looked away, and scoffed, then looked back with a serious face.

"i love him."

"then, why don't you tell him? are you worried he does not reciprocate?" she asked him.

"that does not hold me back from confessing. what holds me back is that, as of this moment, i cannot give him what he deserves. if he does reciprocate, i do not want him to be my secret, i do not want him to be my person on the side, a person i see whenever i please, i do not want him to hurt, i do not want him to be miserable and desperate. i want him to have a good life and be happy, even if it's not with me. i want to give him the world because he is deserving of it and as long as my father is in charge, i cannot give him that. so, for now, i will stay as i am, watching from afar, watching him find joy, happiness and love. i will stay as i am until i find a way to give him all that, even if he does not reciprocate. because i love him. i do."