#had a thought the other day of Sam thinking his alcoholism and depression will simply go away now that Zipporah is back

[ultrainfinitepit]

🍩 for whoever come to mind!

🍩: What’s a crime your OC is most likely to commit? What’s a crime they’re most likely to get arrested for?

Sam is most likely to commit arson. Not even on purpose necessarily, it's just a side effect of having fire powers.

When Sam lived with Mick, whenever he got caught for something Mick would usually bail him out and make the charges go away. But if Sam got arrested for intoxication, he'd leave Sam for a night in the drunk tank so he could get some peace at home - and teach Sam a lesson (this never worked).

[davemillerreal]

Mentions: suicide, addiction, homophobia, and fake friends

Maybe I Don't Have to End It All

Henry Emily x Willow (my OC) fanfic

This is a picture of my OC to get a clear picture of her

Willow was listening to her friends yap on and on about trash talk as she sat in the bustling bar. The radio was playing the country station (which is her least favorite genre of music) as people played pool in the background and talked to each other.

Willow watched her so called friends talk to each other and the table, like they were not even aware she was there at all. Like she was some ghost. They were sitting in dresses with heavy makeup trash talking about every single inconvenience in their lives.

Willow was not like that at all. She was just simply dressed in a band shirt (the band is Queen) and black jeans with a belt, with green eyes and black short hair to her shoulders. She was also exhausted always, and instead of complaining all the time about other people, she would usually blame herself.

Blame herself for trusting her friends. She knew they were just using her, but they won't let her go and we're like a parasite, clinging on for their own good, no one else.

They didn't care how much pain she was in as long as they got their way. They don't care if she died. They would just go to the club and forget anything happened, like everyone else would. But then she had the alcohol to number her pain. And she only had one person.

Henry

She met him at the older diner He was around 33 when she had met him and she was about 27. He was a very nice guy at the time, but then his daughter was murdered. His whole life fell apart, he abandoned everyone, he was left in unbearable pain and suffering. She tried to make her come back to life with robots. He was a mess.

But why would she judge she wasn't any better. She understood his pain. His suffering. His agony.

All of a sudden, her friend spoke up.

"Hey Willow." Samantha greeted, her long blonde hair behind her back. "So how are you doing? Sitting on your couch all day, chugging alcohol like the casual, boring, depressed you."

"Wow how did you know Sam." She sarcastically stated, while she took a swig of her drink, slamming it down with annoyance. "Why would you mention that everything there is talked about in this God forsaken world?"

Sam chuckled with her friends like school girls in high school. "Well, yeah would, since you're such an emotional mess. Everyday I wake up, thinking when you decide to end it all, to be honest. You look like your suicidal, and you should have stayed in that padded cell back in the mental hospital."

They were basically just trying to play with her emotions right now. She was suicidal. She was a mess. They wanted her to go die. They only saw her as a toy they can play with and leave it all broken when they are finished. Angrily, Willow stood up out of her seat, silencing he friends chattering. She eyed them drunkly with anger, before turning away and walking to the exit.

"Fuck this, IM OUT GO FUCK YOURSELVES!" She stormed out of the bar. She didn't care what people thought about her. She didn't care if she thought she was some mindless monster or an angst 30 year old with no life and future. Her life was fucked already. Everyone left her.

Holding back tears, she went to her car and started it after closing the door on it. She pulled out the address to Henry's house.

Hey Willow this is my address, if you want to come over some time

Love, Henry

She thought about him. His dark brown eyes, his short brown greasy yet soft hair, his light flannels, his smell of oil and cheap cologne, his smile. She was the only person who cared about her well being. She was questioned why he cared about her, no one else did, except her parents, who had died in a fire when she was six years old.

She started to drive to his house, her getting a gut in her feelings that something was horrendously wrong that was going on.

.....

She arrived in his car parking lot. She stepped out of the car. It has stopped raining, the sun peering at her, the smell of rain tainted the air. She walked up to his door, entering, knowing it was unlocked.

The house was a mess and looks like he hasn't cleaned it up in a while. She entered his living room to see him standing in front of a bare Endo skeleton, that looks about the size of a grown person, with a knife as hand instead of another hand. It struck her.

This was the robot Henry was fantasizing about ending it all for him.

Henry noticed her in the corner in his eyes as he turned the robot. It started to wind up as he looked at her with wide eyes.

"Willow?! what are you-"

Willow didn't waste any time. She ran over to him, lunges at him pushing him out of the way of the robot as she felt something cold and painful enter her body.

They both landed on the ground and they both breathed heavily. He finally looks down at her with surprise and concern in his eyes. His gaze then filled with fear and slight panic as he looked down to her side.

She looks down to see what it was. It was a massive wound on her stomach to the base of her chest. It was swelling with a ton of blood and she was starting to become light headed. Henry then got up, picking her up, as she started to pass out.

"I'm so sorry Willow. I owe you my life. Don't worry I'll save you, you'll be alright." Those were the last words she heard him speak to her before she passed out.

....

She slowly opened her eyes painfully, taking in her surroundings. She was in a bedroom, but not a hospital one yet. Her core was painfully sore, bandaged up. She sat up and rubbed her head. Where was she? Where was Henry?

Henry was sitting in a chair beside her, his eyes relieved and tearing up. He hugged her gently, hugging him back, smelling in his scent

"I'm so glad you're alright Willow. I wouldn't want to lose you too."

Someone cared about her. Out of all of these years, she found someone that would never back stab her, or leave her.

Henry pulled away, smiling slightly, his gentle gaze falling on her.

"You know you're very lucky. You lost a lot of blood and some organs got damaged. I had to use some of the Charlie bot technology to save your life. If you haven't been saved earlier, you would have slipped away."

His smile faded away with a saddened look on his face as he drew in a painful breath. "I'm sorry this happened to you."

"No it's okay Henry. You didn't caused he to get injured. I chose to do this because I wanted to save you. I understand what you go through..." She grabbed his gently.

"Do you.. want to talk about it with me." He asked, helping her sit up, and sat beside her.

She explained to him about her toxic friends, her addiction to alcohol, the fire that had killed her parents and the unbearable pain she had to witness every day.

"It's just so hard every day...to know everybody thinks you're a monster...and everyone leaves...and knowing you can't change, no matter what happens. Many times I just wanted to end it all...."

She was struggling to be talking, her eyes heavy with tears, threatening to spill.

"But I remember you...and I'm nothing without you. You're the only one in my life...that would actually stay....."

Tears fell down her face as she finally let her pain out. Henry pulled her in an embrace rubbing he back trying to soothe her. She cried into his shoulder, his white flannel getting wet with her tears. After a while that felt like an internity. Henry sadly smiled.

"At least it's good to know I'm not alone in this. I also destroyed that suicide bot, so you don't have to worry about me killing myself anymore."

"Thank you Henry" She said, fixing her posture.

Henry then stood up, helping her up with him.

"I know a place where we can go to cheer up" He started, trying to brighten the mood. "It's the tree I usually go with Charlie."

"Oh of course I would love to."

Henry pulled up to the spot, parking near the road. He got out of the car to help Willow out of it. The sun was setting, bird sounds were heard in the distance and they went up the hill. As they got up, they could see most of Hurricane down there.

They sat down against the rough texture of the tree. She leaned her head on his shoulder, her feeling comforted by his touch. They talked about their lives and laughed together a little bit before Henry needed to tell her something.

"Hey Willow...you're the only one I ever think about besides Charlie. You understand me more than anyone, and I don't see you as a monster or a bitter person. You are a selfless person who would do anything to protect who they love. You see who you really are." He chuckled slightly as he turned towards her, his soft gaze falling into hers. "I think I might have fallen for you."

Willow smiled back, looking into his eyes. "I think I feel the same way about you Henry. You always make me feel like I'm not alone in this cruel world, like we can move on with this forever.

Henry smiled and cupped her cheek with his palm, wrapping her other arm around her. His nose was touching hers as he gently paced his lips on hers and kissed her. It was soft and gentle but then got more deeper and passionate, she wrapped her arms around him, as if he was to disappear if she let go.

They pulled away, a small trail of saliva from their mouths. They placed their foreheads on each other, looking at each other lovingly.

"I love you Willow."

"I love you too Henry."

Maybe she didn't have to end it all.

[gretavanfunk]

Fighting Fire (Series)

Chapter Twelve

Word Count: 7,028

Summary: Stevie and Sam never seemed to be what people refer to as "two peas in a pod" growing up. He got under her skin more times than she could count and Sam was desperate to be on a level playing field as his older brother and Stevie's best friend, Jake. One summer, Sam is forced to face his demons and in turn, Stevie is too.

Warnings: alcohol abuse, reckless behavior/driving, heated arguing, themes of grief, themes of anxiety/depression

This story is written and edited by me and it is my baby so I hope some people out there can enjoy it as much as I enjoy creating it! If there are typos, bear with me lol

Chapter Twelve Playlist for the vibes!

It had been three weeks since the twins left the lake house and since then, things have completely mellowed out for Stevie. She was shocked at how easily everything had changed. However, she wasn't about to complain about it. She thought Sam was kind before. Compared to where she and Sam started in the spring, their relationship was shocking. Once the twins knew everything, he had this new sense of confidence about him that Stevie hadn't had the privilege to witness thus far.

They would cook dinner together every night. He would make physical contact with her any chance he could; holding her hand, touching her leg, pushing hair out of her face, standing close enough to her that their arms would touch, anything. It grew easier for Stevie to understand how sweet and caring Sam was with each passing day.

Each day was more fun than the last, which made it increasingly difficult for her to think about the dreaded L word. She enjoyed spending time with him and all of the romance that came with that. However, Sam and Stevie never actually talked about anything serious in the context of their relationship. Or at least they hadn't yet.

And Stevie knew that Sam wouldn't press her about being his girlfriend. He made that very clear when he didn't seem to care that Stevie didn't want anyone to know they hooked up in the first place. While she didn't have to worry about Sam talking about labels, she still had to deal with Josh and his daily calls and texts, asking for updates. She stuck to the same response every time.

They were, to put it simply, having fun.

Aside from being insufferable, Josh kept his word about helping Stevie shop online though and she was slowly getting closer to the lake house being hers. It was easier for her to focus on redecorating now that most of her dad's stuff was rehomed, that's for sure. However, she kept a bit of his presence here. It wouldn't feel right if she hadn't.

Now, they were almost in the middle of June and the weather was beautiful. Stevie and Sam spent most of their time outside and today was no exception. The pair was utilizing the hammocks discovered in the garage clean out on the back porch. Sam lay facing the pool and Stevie lay facing the house. They both had their laptops in their laps and earbuds in their ears, Sam attending his therapy session and Stevie finally having enough mental stamina to try and write.

They didn't have to be together for this, but that's just something they started doing together and the earbuds were to help drown out Sam talking, so Stevie wasn't overhearing something she shouldn't or causing him to hold back on being truthful. Occasionally, they would brush against each other's hands and Stevie would hold on for a second before she went back to typing.

Stevie didn't necessarily know what her game plan was for her writing, but she just started anyway for the hell of it. She would never admit this to anyone, but most of her writing was about Sam. It helped her sort everything out in her mind, laying out the timeline of the two growing up together versus where they were now. She had only started writing about a week ago, so Stevie was still getting into their past. It was more like journaling than anything else.

When Stevie saw Sam smile, close his laptop, and lay his head back, facing the sun, she popped her earbud out.

"How was it?" she asked, and Sam sighed, "Good. Hard. She brought up stuff I don't want to start thinking about yet, but I have noticed that happens frequently."

Stevie laughed and nodded, "Ah, yes. Pretty frequent."

Sam sat up and smiled at her, squinting his eyes from the sunshine, "Whatcha workin' on over there?"

Stevie smiled, looking at her screen and shaking her head, "Just some writing. That's all."

He sat up straighter, "Oooh! Oooh! Can I see?"

"No," Stevie saved her work quickly and shut her laptop, "It's not ready!"

"Come on," Sam reached for her, "I'm sure it's great!"

"No!" Stevie exclaimed, giggling and lifting her laptop to hold it away from him, "I'm not ready for an audience!"

"Are you recounting all of the crazy sex we have?" Sam smirked and Stevie's eyes widened, "God, no, you freak! Why would I share that with anyone?"

"Because it's mind-blowing," Sam wiggled his eyebrows, "That's why!"

Stevie chuckled, thinking back to how she actually just got to the part where she talked about when Sam got braces, "You wish that's what I was writing about."

"Well, you're blushing so," Sam laid back, still smiling at her, "You must be writing about me."

"Wow," Stevie rolled her eyes, "Conceited much?"

"Just let me read it," Sam pouted, "You need a second set of eyes, don't you?"

Stevie glared at him, "Not yet, Sam. Maybe when it isn't just a string of unorganized thoughts."

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, "But I better be the first to see it!"

Stevie laughed, shaking her head, "Whatever."

Sam yawned and stretched his arms up. Stevie watched him and took a sharp breath when she caught herself staring at the exposed skin from where his shirt was riding up.

"What do you want for lunch?" Sam asked, pretending he didn't just catch her staring. Stevie looked at him blankly and then she smiled.

"I don't know," she muttered, "What do you want for lunch?"

Sam rolled his eyes and swung his legs over the side of the hammock, standing up. He grabbed his laptop, tucked it into his side, and shrugged.

"I don't know," he sighed, "You girls stay here. I'll figure it out."

He bent down, kissing Stevie before making his way back into the house and Stevie smiled, looking down at Rosie who was curled up on the ground, lying between the hammocks. This was an equation for a perfect summer, in her opinion. If only she hadn't been under such pressure about whether she and Sam were dating. Why did it even matter? It's not like there was anything else happening other than them just having fun on the lake and in the pool and playing house together.

She supposed it wouldn't always be like this though. Sam would eventually need to return to his very fast-paced and high-profile life. They would have to stop spending every waking (and sleeping) moment together. So, in the spirit of Josh's endless pestering, Stevie guessed she would have to take his advice and think about where that leaves her.

Would Sam go home and back on tour, and they just pretend that none of this ever happened? Well, the logical part of her brain knew that wouldn't be possible. At least not for him. However, was it even possible for her to carry on and put this summer behind her?

The thought immediately made Stevie's mind go blank. She didn't want to think about it. What would she even be able to do about it, anyway? Move in with him? That was not realistic, especially now that she was technically living in two separate homes. If she did leave Michigan, for the first time in her life, what would she even do in Tennessee?

It's not like Sam would be around most of the time anyway. The band's schedule is so insane and when they're touring, they spend most of the year traveling. Stevie didn't want to leave her life here behind just to continue being lonely somewhere else. She groaned and rubbed her face with her hands, already feeling overwhelmed with her thoughts.

However, a small lightbulb came on when she thought about Jake. Somehow, someway, Jake had been able to maintain a long-term relationship with his schedule and she wondered if he would give her some advice about it. She did know that talking about Sam with him was slightly weird for them both, especially considering how fresh this was for Jake. But he did want her to talk to him, right?

Stevie chuckled, thinking about how Jake would probably regret requesting to know Stevie's thoughts, but she pulled her phone out anyway and dialed his number.

"Hello?" Jake answered a lot faster than she was expecting him to.

"Hey!" she smiled, "What's up?"

"Not much," Jake muttered, "What's up with you? Everything okay over there?"

"Everything is great," Stevie sighed, "A little too great if I'm being honest."

"Oh," Jake laughed, "Are you calling me 'cause you're paranoid about Sam being too nice to you?"

"No," Stevie rolled her eyes, "I'm calling 'cause..."

She hesitated and bit her tongue. Stevie quickly realized that she hadn't asked Jake for dating advice since they were in high school and doing it now, regarding his younger brother, made her feel pretty stupid.

"Stevie?" Jake asked, "You're freaking me out."

She sighed again and blurted out quickly, "How do you keep a healthy relationship with your career?"

Jake was silent for a moment and then Stevie heard him laughing. Quite loudly.

"Jake," she spat, "I'm being serious! Is it difficult?"

After he regained his composure, he took a deep breath, "Sure. It's difficult sometimes."

"Well, it's been seven years," Stevie said, "How do you do it?"

"Oh my God, Steve," Jake chuckled again, "You're scared to date a rockstar, aren't you?"

"Shut up! I am not," Stevie pouted, "I'm just... curious!"

"Well," Jake sighed, "What about you and me, huh? We've stayed best friends the whole time we've been apart! You already kind of know how to balance that, don't you?"

"Not really," Stevie laughed, "In case you forgot, I just miss you all the time!"

Jake chuckled and took a deep breath, "True, but we have always managed to stay just as close as we were when we were kids!"

"Jake," Stevie shook her head, "This is different! I'm not in love with you."

Stevie froze when she heard Jake gasp on the other end of the phone and she panicked, quickly trying to retrace her steps, "All I'm asking is, how do you make it work when you spend so much time apart?"

Jake giggled, knowing not to press her about what she admitted, "Sometimes it's hard to be gone for so long. Calls always help. Sometimes you go on the road together just to have a little bit of quality time. And sometimes, when the time away from home is longer, you make a vacation out of it together! It's like working, but a lot more fun."

Stevie remained quiet, thinking over what Jake was explaining to her and she nodded, "Yeah, okay. Makes sense."

"Bottom line is," Jake continued, "Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, both of you will have to make compromises. Just like any other relationship."

"Compromises, right," Stevie nodded, reminding herself how little Ryan had compromised for her before.

"If you're both important to each other," Jake sighed, "You'll find a way to make it work. You'll always make time for each other."

"Okay," Stevie laughed, "I was just wondering."

"You've already got a small taste of it though," Jake pointed, "With all of us being in the same band, I guess."

"Yeah, I guess," Stevie sighed, "But I just keep up with you on social media most of the time."

"Yeah," Jake responded, "Things will change. But they will change regardless of whether you date Sam or not. Either way, something will change. It depends on whether or not you want to stay connected to him."

Stevie hissed, knowing the answer to that scenario, "Okay, thanks, Jake. This is helpful."

"You got it, Stevie," Jake confirmed, "I know you'll make the best choice for you, being in love and all."

"Oh my God," Stevie groaned, "Shut up!"

Jake belly laughed, "I love you!"

"Love you too, jerk."

She hung up just as Sam opened the back door again, "Who was that?"

"Your stupid brother," Stevie laughed, and Sam carried two bowls out with him, sliding the door closed with his hip, "Oh, Josh again?"

"No, Jake this time," Stevie said, "I needed to ask him about something."

"Oh," Sam smiled, walking over to his hammock and sitting down, "Something about your writing?"

"My writing," Stevie nodded, "Yeah."

Sam narrowed his eyes, "Okay... That's believable."

He handed a bowl to her, "Anyway, I made you a salad!"

Stevie looked down at the plethora of vegetables before her and smiled up at him, "Wow, so colorful!"

"I needed to use them before they went bad," Sam smiled too, "Plus, it's nice and refreshing with this heat."

"My compliments to the chef," Stevie took a fork from him and laid back, swinging in her hammock.

Sam laughed at her and did the same, "You haven't tried it yet! It could be horrible."

"Nothing you make is ever horrible," Stevie made a face at him and took a bite, "I would be shocked if it was."

She suddenly widened her eyes and pretended to gag, jokingly, "Oh, God! It's disgusting!"

"Told ya," Sam winked, knowing she was messing around, and she smiled.

They sat together, munching on their salads and dealing with Rosie who was batting back and forth between them, taking turns laying her head on their laps.

"Rosie, stop begging!" Sam exclaimed, "We have talked about this!"

He then purposely dropped a carrot for her, and Stevie giggled, "Maybe she wouldn't if you weren't such a sucker, Sam."

Sam pouted, "She's just so cute though!"

Seconds later, Stevie felt her phone buzzing and when she looked down at the screen, she groaned when she saw Josh's name.

"What do you want?" Stevie snarled as she answered his call, "Um, you're in love?"

"Josh, shut up! Sam is right here!" She looked at Sam apologetically and Sam narrowed his eyes at her, suspiciously. She got up from the hammock and walked farther away from him, feeling his eyes on her as she whisper-shouted to Josh.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Stevie gritted her teeth, "Does nothing stay secret between you and Jake ever?"

Josh chuckled, "I just happened to be there when you called him, that's all. So, are you going to tell, Sam?"

"Eventually," she sighed, "Probably! I don't know! Stop bothering me about it!"

"Sorry, sorry," Josh sighed, "Fine! I'll stop pestering you! I am glad you're thinking about it though."

"Jeez, being on a break is really getting to you, isn't it?" Stevie laughed, "Watch some reality TV or something, Josh!"

"You better tell me if anything happens, Stevie," Josh complained, "I'm dying over here."

"Bye!" She hung up and looked back at Sam who was no longer looking at her, and petting Rosie instead. She walked back to where he was and he looked up at her, talking to his dog.

"Stevie is keeping secrets, Rose," Sam whispered, "Has she told you anything?"

"Sam, come on," Stevie frowned, "Josh is just nosey!"

"Well, I knew that already," Sam laughed, "But what is he bothering you about every single day that I can't know about?"

Stevie looked at him for a long moment and sighed, realizing that this game of telephone she had been playing with Josh was exhausting and all of it was becoming ridiculous anyway. She didn't want to lie to Sam longer than she had, so she braced herself.

"You," Stevie said plainly, sitting on the hammock across from him.

"What about me?" Sam asked, sitting up, so the two of them were head-on.

"The other night," Stevie sighed and looked away from him, "I heard what you said. I just pretended that I didn't."

Sam's face dropped, immediately understanding what she was talking about and he shifted in the hammock uncomfortably, "Oh."

She set her bowl aside and reached for his arm, "I'm sorry! I panicked and didn't know what to say back to you, so I didn't say anything at all."

He sighed and nodded, "It's okay, Stevie. Seriously."

"You're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad," Sam laughed, "I'm a little embarrassed, sure, but I'm not mad. I wouldn't want you to say it back to me unless it was true."

"Sam," Stevie whined, but Sam cut her off.

"It's okay that you don't feel that way," Sam sighed, "I can't force you to reciprocate it."

"I really care about you," Stevie whispered, and Sam nodded, meeting her eyes with a soft smile, "I know."

She frowned slightly, feeling extremely guilty. Especially for how graceful Sam was about it and he squeezed her hand.

"I don't want you to stress about it, seriously," Sam said, "The last thing I want is for you to try and convince yourself that you love me. That's so much worse."

"Well, I don't have to convince myself of anything," Stevie assured him, "Ya know, I've said it before and didn't truly mean it. I don't want to make that mistake again."

"Totally fair," Sam nodded, "and just to be clear, I mean it. It's honestly the first and only time I've ever been sure of anything."

Stevie felt her guts bubble up with nerves and she let out a shaky breath, "Hmmm."

Her feelings overwhelmed her, so she quickly grabbed both of their empty bowls and stood up, "I'll do the dishes since you made lunch! Want to go swimming?"

Sam laughed at her, knowing she was anxious by his words, "Yeah, swimming is fun."

Later that night after Sam and Stevie were both showered and relaxing after their afternoon of swimming, Stevie was lying on the sofa with her head rested against Sam's arm and he was sitting there, strumming on Rosetta. When he started another song, Stevie immediately recognized it and she gasped, sitting up and turning to him.

"This is the song!" Stevie exclaimed and Sam perked up an eyebrow, eyeing her questioningly, "What song?"

"This song! It's the ass tattoo song," Stevie laughed and Sam stopped strumming, his lips parting slightly, "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes," Stevie continued to laugh, "Two of us wearing raincoats, standing solo in the sun!"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sam laughed too, "Jake plays this song as an interlude every goddamn night and now I have to think about him playing that because you guys have matching tattoos on your asses?"

Stevie smiled, "Aw! He plays that every night?"

"Oh please," Sam rolled his eyes, "Don't get all sappy about it now!"

"That's sweet, Samuel!" She hit his arm lightly and shook her head, "It's our song! That means a lot to me!"

"Okay, okay," Sam rolled his eyes again, "I guess it is sweet or whatever. But now I'm going to hate that part of the show."

"Nuh-uh," Stevie smiled, "You'll be thinking of me!"

Sam looked at her and made a face, "Wow, conceited much?"

Stevie laughed and inched closer to him, pecking his lips. They resumed their positions and Sam continued to play the song, mostly just because he knew Stevie would've complained if he didn't and he had to admit it was pretty adorable when she started to sing along.

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the soft music he was playing and the bugs chirping outside the window until Stevie's eyes grew heavy and Sam took note of it. He sighed and set Rosetta up against the couch.

"Come on, Stevie," Sam whispered, "Time for bed."

"Mmm," Stevie mumbled in response, "Can you make us some tea before bed, babe?"

Sam caught a breath in his throat, coughing a little and nodding. It was the first time that Stevie had referred to him with a pet name outside of her bedroom in the context of sex and he was taken aback by the sound of it coming out of her mouth so casually. Sam kissed her forehead as she sat up and stretched, and he entered the kitchen.

Stevie took it upon herself to put Rosie into her crate and make her way up the stairs without him, deciding to get ready for bed while she waited for him. While Sam was downstairs making tea, Stevie's phone rang again but she was surprised to see that it was Ronnie and not Josh.

"Hello?" Stevie answered and Ronnie immediately started squealing, "Stephanie Taylor Madsen! Why am I hearing about all this Sam drama from Josh and not you?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? That little gossip!" Stevie laughed, "I swear I was planning to fill you in eventually."

"Mmhmm," Ronnie mumbled, "Sure you were! First of all, how did this happen?"

"It's kind of a long story," Stevie sighed, laying on her back, "But, it started the day after we went to Electrick."

Sam carefully carried the mugs of tea in his hands while he pranced up the stairs to the bedroom. He was about to kick the door open when he overheard Stevie talking and stopped to listen closely.

"The twins and I came up with a plan to convince Sam to come to the lake house with me to make sure he'd stay out of trouble," Stevie chatted, "And it was insanely easy to get him to agree, which I guess I now know a bit more as to why."

He heard her laugh, and stood back, a bit shocked by what he was hearing. However, he leaned in again, fearful of what he might hear next.

"Project Lake House is what we called it," Stevie said, "And it's been working if I'm being honest. Although, Josh has informed me that it was more of my idea than anyone else's."

Sam's jaw clenched and he decided he didn't want to hear this conversation anymore. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel gutted by hearing what Stevie had said. All this time, this had been some ploy? Could Sam even trust that the feelings Stevie shared with him were true? Maybe she had just been using the way he felt about her to get him to feel better. Why else wouldn't she say she loved him? She had been pretty convincing up until this point.

Sam took a deep breath, and turned around, tiptoeing back down the hall and the stairs again. He wanted to confront her right then, but he knew he didn't have the energy to start another fight or say things he would later regret. So, he set the mugs of tea on the kitchen counter and grabbed Stevie's keys, leaving the house without any idea where he was going. All he knew right now was he was angry and he felt a deep ache in his chest.

"I wasn't expecting any of this to happen, Ronnie," Stevie laughed, "Honestly, this is exactly the opposite of what I thought would happen."

"Well," Ronnie chuckled, "You definitely were the last one to figure out he was in love with you."

"It was pretty obvious," Stevie said, "I guess I was just focused more on how much he pissed me off."

"So," Ronnie giggled, "You love him?"

Stevie took a deep breath, but erupted with laughter, "Yeah, I love him."

Sam knew it was a bad idea when he sat at the bar but he also knew he couldn't be at the lake house. He couldn't drive back home and leave her stranded there either. The bartender saw one look at the misery on his face and he smiled, "Rough day?"

"You could say that," Sam sighed, "I'll have tequila, please. You could just leave the bottle here too."

The bartender hissed in sympathy but did what was asked of him. Sam took the first shot without any hesitation, and he let out a deep breath as the alcohol coated his throat on the way down. The voice in his head that was telling him not to do it began to shrink with each passing second and he decided he would accept whatever was going to happen with this choice.

After about twenty minutes since she hung up the phone, Sam still hadn't returned, and something told Stevie something was wrong. She got up and walked to the door, peeking her head out into the hallway.

"Sam?" Stevie called and there was no response.

She walked farther out and tried again, looking over the railing, "Sam, what's going on down there?"

However, Stevie didn't hear a single thing. No response, no movement, nothing. So, she walked down the stairs to find the house empty of Sam. The two mugs of tea were on the kitchen counter and when she held one of the mugs, it was cold. She frowned, not liking the way this looked. As much as she didn't want to, she went to the window and cursed when she saw that her car was gone.

"Oh fuck," Stevie whispered, and she immediately ran back upstairs, grabbing her phone and trying to call him. When he didn't answer, she called Jake.

"Two calls in one day," Jake laughed when he answered, "You've gotta relax Stevie."

"Sam's gone," Stevie blurted, and Jake's laughter stopped, "What? What do you mean he's gone?"

"I don't know where he is, Jake! He was making tea and now my car is gone!"

"Hey," Jake's tone shifted, "Relax, I'm sure he's okay. Maybe he just ran to the store or something. Did something happen?"

"No! We had a pretty great day today and I was just waiting for him to come back to bed with our tea," Stevie frustratingly cried, "I was on the phone with Ronnie while he was downstairs, and I guess he just took off?"

"See? No need to worry right away," Jake encouraged, "He'll be back, I'm sure."

Stevie took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah, you're probably right. But he didn't answer when I called him."

"He's probably driving back to the house as we speak," Jake said, "If he doesn't get back in an hour, call me back, okay?"

Stevie nodded, "Okay."

When she hung up, she was doing her best not to freak out. However, she decided to call Josh, just in case he had talked to Sam about something.

"Hello?" Josh answered, "Did you tell him you were in love with him? Oh my god, what happened?"

"Sam left," Stevie said, "Have you heard from him at all?"

"Um, no," Josh responded questioningly, "Why? What happened?"

"Nothing happened!" Stevie exclaimed, "I was waiting for him to come back to bed with tea, and now my car is gone, and the tea is cold!"

"Maybe he just needed something from the store," Josh said, and Stevie sighed, hoping that the twins' intuition was correct, "That's what Jake said too."

"No need to worry, Stevie," Josh chuckled, "I don't think he'd leave without telling you."

"I don't know," Stevie bit her lip, "I have a bad feeling about it."

"Give him some time," Josh encouraged, "Maybe he forgot to bring his phone with him or something."

She nodded, "Okay, okay. You're probably right. I'll just wait."

"Okay," Josh responded, "Let me know when he gets back, okay?"

"Okay," she sighed again, "Bye, Josh."

Stevie took a few deep breaths when she got off the phone and grabbed a jacket off the hook by the door. She went onto the front porch swing and decided to wait for him. Although, the eerie quiet of the outdoors was not very helpful in calming her nerves. She decided to set a timer for one hour, although that felt like a really long time to not do anything. Stevie was fidgety, rocking back and forth on the swing and rubbing her hands on her thighs. So, she tried calling him again.

Sam, on the other hand, did not have his phone. This fact was not something he realized, even though he cared very little about his phone now. Once he would returned to it, however, he'd find several missed calls from his brothers and Stevie.

When Sam arrived back to the house, it was well past the hour mark when Stevie's alarm had been set to go off. However, at about forty minutes into the timer, she turned it off and called Jake again.

"I know it hasn't been an hour," Stevie sighed when he answered, "But he still isn't back and I'm so anxious about it. I'm getting on my bike and I'm going to go look for him."

"Stevie," Jake sighed, "It's really late and way too dark for you to be biking out there by yourself! Just stay at the house and wait for him. What if he comes back while you're gone?"

"Then I'll probably see my car on the road, Jake," she combated, "I can't just sit here and wait. It's eating me alive!"

"Okay, okay," Jake groaned, wishing he could be there with her, "Just don't bike around for too long out there! You need to be concerned about your own safety too."

"I'll be fine," Stevie rolled her eyes, "I'll call you if anything happens."

"Okay," Jake said, "I'll be here."

So, Stevie went into the garage and fished out her bike which was a bit too small for her to ride now, but she didn't care. She got on and started down the drive and in the direction she'd take to go into town.

Sam was not sure how many shots of tequila he consumed while he was at the bar. He stopped counting after the third one. He also had no concept of time or how long he had been sitting there, feeling sorry for himself. He did know, however, when he sat in the driver seat of Stevie's car, that he probably shouldn't try to drive back to the house. It was dark and he was drunk, so when he pulled up to the lake house without any mishaps, he laughed.

Anger washed over him again when he thought about how Stevie was here, probably still spewing bullshit to whoever was on the phone. Instead of going inside the house, Sam looked down at the dock and saw the boat bobbing against the water. If he could drive home drunk, surely, he could also drive a boat.

Sam stumbled his way down to the dock and untied the boat from where it was fastened. He went to the back and turned on the engine, shouting with joy when it roared to life. When he sat in the driver's seat of the boat, he realized he didn't know how to turn on the lights but he gave up only after a few seconds and turned the boat away from the dock and out further into the water.

Stevie had been biking for approximately thirty minutes when she decided to head back to the house. Jake was right, it was way too dark to see anything and if she hadn't seen the car by now, he couldn't have gone to the store anyway. When she reached the end of her driveway, she hopped off her bike, pushing it the rest of the way, too tired to ride it anymore. However, she threw it to the ground as soon as she saw her car had returned. She ran up to it, peeking in the window to see if maybe he was still in it. When she saw that he wasn't, she hurried to the porch, heading back into the house but just as her hand touched the doorknob, she heard it.

It was a terrible sound. Like a deep screeching and crashing, but it was loud. She took a deep breath before she looked out into the direction the sound came from. She couldn't really see much from where she was standing so she ran over to it. When she had a better view of the dock, that's when she realized what had happened.

The bow of her dad's boat, his pride and joy he had named Pearly Queen after an Eric Clapton song, was smashed against a boulder on the shore. Stevie ran her hands into her hair and bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears at the sight of it.

Then, she remembered Sam and that had to be where he was. She took off running down to the shore, waist-deep in lake water by the time she reached the boat. Stevie waded in the water until she reached the back of it, grabbing onto the railing and using all of the strength she had to hoist herself up and over it, landing in the boat on her back. She stood up quickly, seeing Sam also lying on his back and she rushed to him, "Sam!"

His temple must have hit something on his way down because it was bleeding and she held him, "Sam! Are you okay?"

"What?" Sam croaked, "I-I don't know, I was just taking the boat out and I slipped or something."

That's when she could smell the alcohol on him and she leaned away from him, not understanding what it was she was supposed to be processing here.

"Wait," she muttered, "Are you fucking drunk?"

"Pssh," Sam smiled, his eyes still closed, "I had like one drink, Stevie."

She let go of him, backing herself away and feeling her hurt radiate through her body.

"You took my car to the bar, drove back here drunk, and took the boat out for a joy ride?"

Sam opened his eyes slightly, hissing and holding his head. He sat up slowly and when he got a better look at her, he became more aware of what had happened.

"What the fuck, Sam?" Stevie's voice raised, "What the fuck were you thinking? I thought you were making tea?"

"I was making tea," Sam slurred, "but then I heard what you said on the phone."

"What I said on the phone?" she looked at him, confused, and remembered that she told Ronnie she loved him, "You heard what I said to Ronnie? Why the fuck would you go drinking after that?"

"Because I was pissed, Stevie!" Sam exclaimed, "I- I am pissed!"

"What?" Stevie scoffed, "Why?"

"Project Lake House?"

Stevie's eyes widened, realizing he must not have heard the entire conversation.

"You set me up," Sam spat, "A-and you manipulated me! You fucking lied to me!" "Sam, I-" Stevie pleaded and he shook his head, "Was any of this even real?"

"Sam," Stevie stood up, "Of course it was real! How could you even ask me that?"

"You said it was your plan to keep me out of trouble," Sam protested and she rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I thought bringing you out here and giving you something to do would help you! I didn't bring you out here with any malicious intentions!"

"That's what it feels like," Sam looked away from her, "It feels like you used my feelings for you to keep me here."

"Sam," Stevie crossed her arms over her chest, "Maybe if you didn't jump to fucking conclusions and actually talked to me about this before you went off and got fucking wasted and destroyed my dad's boat then we wouldn't be out here fighting right now!"

"What?" Sam narrowed his eyes, "What are you talking about?"

"Fucking look at it, Sam! My dad's boat is smashed to smithereens because of you!"

Sam looked over his shoulder at the rock that was inconveniently taking up the place where the bow should have been.

Sam stood up quickly, grabbing the back of the seat to steady himself, "Stevie, I'm so-"

"Save it," Stevie's jaw clenched anger coursing through her more than it ever had, "Let me guess, you're sorry? You didn't know?"

"Steve-"

"God, you're so fucking selfish," Stevie's eyes welled with tears, "I can't fucking believe I let myself be so stupid too."

She turned to leave and Sam jumped to grab her wrist, "Stevie, please don't."

She shoved him off of her with a sob and jumped down from the back of the boat, wading quickly through the water and back up onto the shore. Sam was quick to follow after her, sobering up from the instant regret that filled him. Stevie wasn't running, but she might as well have been considering how much Sam had to catch up with her.

"Stevie, wait!" he called, and she turned around abruptly, tears streaming down her face, but hot, intense anger in her eyes.

"If you didn't run away after what you heard, Sam, you would've also heard me tell Ronnie that I love you," Stevie shouted, "My mistake though. You're just the same selfish, attention-seeking prick you've always been! I can't believe I let myself be so foolish in believing you'd actually changed."

"Stevie, you don't mean that," Sam said, tears stinging his own eyes.

"Oh, but I do!" Stevie yelped, "Look at what you've done, Sam! All because when things get hard and even slightly upsetting, you just run away and drink yourself into oblivion! I was so fucking worried about you! I went looking for you and this is what you were doing? Just because your brothers and I were trying to help you?"

"What was I supposed to think, Stevie? I was fucking heartbroken that you could play me like that!"

"Except I didn't play you, Sam! I'm fucking in love with you! Out of my mind in love with you! I risked my relationship with Jake for you!" Stevie screamed back, pushing his chest with her hands, "And you were so quick to believe that all of that was a lie? Do you even know me at all?"

She continued to cry harder, shuttering and she just looked at him for a moment and groaned in agony, "I'm leaving. I'm going back home. Get a bus ticket back. I don't trust you to be here by yourself and I don't want to be anywhere near you."

"Stevie, please," Sam cried, "Don't do this."

She took a deep breath and stared at him, holding her hand out with her palm up, "Give me my keys."

"Stevie," Sam whispered, tears running down his cheek and Stevie's expression didn't change, "I'm fucking serious, Sam. Give me my fucking keys."

Sam took a deep breath, staring up at the sky as he took her keys out of his pocket and placed them in her hand. She didn't say anything else before she went back into the house, leaving Sam out there alone with the consequences of his bad decisions. She took out her phone and called Jake again as she stormed up the stairs and started rushing to pack up her suitcase again.

"Stevie?" Jake answered, "Any word?"

"It's over," Stevie sobbed, holding her toiletry bag against her chest and sobbing, "We're done."

"What?" Jake gasped, "What the fuck happened?"

"He took my car to the bar, Jake," Stevie sighed, "Then he got fucking wasted and he crashed my dad's boat."

"No, he didn't," Jake's voice was hushed and Stevie cried nodding her head, "He did. It's fucking destroyed and I'm leaving."

"What? You're leaving?" Jake asked, "Right now?"

"I can't be here," Stevie shouted, "I can't even fucking look at him without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my fucking chest. I just have to go the fuck home."

"Stevie," Jake sighed, "It's like almost one-thirty. Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

"No," she sighed, "It's okay. I think driving will help me not to fucking think about it."

"Why the fuck did he just leave and go to the bar?" Jake asked and she groaned, "He overheard me on the phone. I was explaining everything to Ronnie and he overheard me talking about the plan you, Josh, and I made. He thought I was playing him."

"Oh," Jake hissed, "Okay, yeah. That sounds more like him."

"Except I wasn't playing him, Jake," Stevie's eyes filled with tears again, "And he took off before he could hear me telling Ronnie I love him."

"So you admitted it?" Jake questioned and Stevie sobbed, "Yeah, but none of that matters anymore. I never want to see him again."

"Steve," Jake's voice dripped with sadness, "You know you don't mean that."

"I have to mean it," Stevie inhaled sharply, "It's too hard if I don't."

"Stevie, I'm so sorry," Jake whispered, "Do you want me to come back?"

"No," she shook her head, "Don't even bother. I'm sure Sam's gonna take off to Nashville anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help him."

"No, no," Jake shushed, "Don't say that, Stevie! It was never your job to fix him. Just get yourself home, get some sleep and I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Text me when you get there safely!"

"Okay," she sniffled, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

She hung up the phone and took a deep breath before she zeroed in on packing again. Once she had enough of her things, she ran down the stairs and out the door again. Sam was sitting on the front steps and he looked up at her as she passed him.

"Stevie, please," he begged, "Don't leave. Can't we just talk about this?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Sam. I'm done."

She unlocked her car and threw her bag into the trunk, slamming it shut and stopping at the driver's door to look at him one more time.

"I'm serious about you taking a bus home," she stated, "I want you out of here tomorrow."

She yanked her car door open and Sam stood up abruptly, rubbing his hands against his legs nervously.

"Stevie, please don't leave. I love you."

She bit her lip, not even bothering to look at him, "You should have thought about that before you fucking ruined everything."

Stevie got into her car, slamming her door shut and turning it on before she left him there in a hurry. Once Sam was no longer in her line of sight, she put her seatbelt on and took a deep breath.

Maybe Stevie had let me anger get the better of her. Maybe she had overreacted but every time she went over the events in her mind, she was just set on fire with her emotions all over again.

She knew that leaving the lake house was the best thing for her to do. She didn't want to be around Sam, especially with how intensely she was feeling. She didn't want to risk them going around and around in circles all night.

On the other hand, she did slightly feel bad about all of the things she said to him. But, she was so hurt by his recklessness, she thought some of it was warranted. Stevie had never been very good any controlling herself when she was angry, exploding pretty easily when she was pushed enough.

Her mind flashed back to the sight of the boat. All of that hard work her dad had done, wasted in a split second. She bit the side of her cheek thinking about how stupid Sam had been. Why couldn't he just talk to her about how he was feeling instead of lashing out?

Stevie was stopped at a stop light and realized she was driving in silence, dwelling on her thoughts. She wasn't sure if music would help right now, especially since most of the music she had been listening to lately reminded her of Sam. So, she took another deep breath and used her pause in the drive to dial the only other person she could think to call, and the one who was probably dying the most to know, Josh.

Tag list (Can't believe I have a tag list for this omg thank you!!): @fleetingjake

[the-bau-quinjet]

Emotionally Stunted

Summary: Tony lets Y/N and Peter plan team bonding...

Warnings: child abuse, mentions of PTSD, alluding to homophobia in the 40s

Word Count: 3021

a/n: this idea really started as an ode to Olivia Rodrigo and her album SOUR, but boy oh boy it took a turn. Also kind of inspired by HTHAZE on youtube reacting to the album.

I hope you like it!

Masterlist

"Why the hell are the children in charge of team bonding?" Sam looked from you and Peter to Tony, a friendly annoyance present on his face.

"Because Peter and I annoyed him into agreeing." You smirked, sharing a look with Peter before continuing.

"I know that look, there is no way Peter had anything to do with this." Nat chimed in, narrowing her eyes at your devious expression.

"Peter loves me and supports me, so he is involved by default." You answered instinctually, sharing a loving look with Peter.

"100%" Peter added confidently, eyes never leaving you.

"Now, the purpose of tonight is three fold." You held up one finger. "Firstly, a team bonding night without any alcohol because Peter and I can't legally drink so Steve won't let us." You glared slightly at the Captain, but continued with a second finger. "Secondly, you will become more acquainted with the interests of today's youth, aka me and Peter."

"Why would we want that?" Bucky teased you both.

"Because, whether you care to admit it or not, we are part of this team and will be bonding, damn it." You huffed, earning a snicker from most of the adults on the couch.

"And the third fold?" Bruce encouraged you to continue.

"Ahh, yes. My favorite of the folds." Peter joked, earning a laugh from you and an eye roll from everyone else.

"Thirdly," you held up three fingers, "You are all incapable of expressing your emotions to each other, or anyone for that matter. It's really not healthy. This activity aims to address that."

You expected the team to argue with you, but they just stared at you in shock instead.

"I express my emotions." Steve argued first.

"Steve, pushing people harder during training is not a healthy way of expressing yourself." You rolled your eyes.

"Y/N and I may be 17, but the lot of you act more like children than we do when your upset." Peter chimed in to support you.

"Exactly! You all huff and puff and passive aggressively hide each others things." You eyed Sam, knowing he hid Bucky's plums from him just the other day. "And, I understand that you've never had much time to just experience what you're feeling."

"So, what exactly are we doing?" Tony questioned, a pit of regret forming in his stomach for ever agreeing to this.

Once again, you and Peter shared a grin.

"We're having a listening party." Peter stated simply.

"A what?" Bucky looked confused.

"We're going to sit here in the living room, listen to 11 new songs, and discuss how they make us feel." You smiled widely, thrilled with the plan.

You paid no mind to the apprehensive looks being shared by the team.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Wanda questioned, voicing the thoughts she knew everyone was thinking.

"Nope, but we're doing it anyway. FRIDAY, play brutal by Olivia Rodrigo."

The room fell silent, surprised by the soft, melodic sound of string instruments introducing the first song.

"I want it to be, like, messy."

The guitars kicked in, causing you and peter to jump around the room. You both sang along, fully relating to the angsty lyrics about life as a teenager.

The room quickly split into two groups. The first, containing Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Vision, stared wide eyed at you and Peter as you sang along to lyrics about being anxious and wanting to disappear.

The second group, containing Natasha, Sam, Wanda, and Thor, had a slightly more positive reaction. Although there were no real smiles, they four of them clearly enjoyed watching you and Peter have a blast.

The room settled again as the strings returned for the slightly depressing outro.

"So," Peter looked around the room, slightly nervous now that your plan was actually playing out. "Whose got feelings to share?"

The eight Avengers sitting on the couch remained silent.

"I'll start!" You jumped in, knowing they would never share their emotions that quickly.

"I hardcore vibe with that song." You smiled as you thought about what exactly to say. "It's just, you've all- well, sorry, not you Vision- been a teenager before. You know how it feels to be young." The group nodded. "Sometimes, it feels like nobody actually cares about your feelings."

"Exactly!" Peter chimed in. "It's as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but everybody just dismisses you 'cause you're a child." The two of you nearly started an all too familiar rant when Steve cut you off.

"If you two feel so strongly about it, why didn't you say anything?" Steve's face was full of concern.

"Steve. Steven. Cap. Mr. America." You listed various names to add to the drama of the moment. "That's the whole point of this evening. I know for a fact you had a shitty time as a teenager." He was about to defend himself when you kept speaking. "It's literally in a museum. Plus, everyone has a shitty time as a teenager."

He sighed, eventually nodding his head in agreement. "You're right."

"You might not entirely enjoy the style of the song, but you can relate to the lyrics." You slowly looked around the room. "All of you can."

Thor laughed loudly, all eyes turning to him.

"You are correct, Lady Y/N. I've told you the story of Loki turning into a snake, correct?" You nodded, eager to encourage the sharing. "Being stabbed was brutal indeed!"

The entire group laughed at his joyous expression.

"Exactly the kind of sharing I'm looking for! Anyone else wanna share?" You looked around the room, but everyone remained silent.

"Is this what teachers feel like when they ask questions and nobody raises their hand?" Peter asked you, earning eye rolls from the team.

"I would think so. It's brutal." You snuck the song title in one more time, watching as the team once again rolled their eyes.

"Seriously, the songs only get more emotional so you should really think about why you're so unwilling to share your feelings with your friends." Peter tried his hand at scolding the group.

Bucky cleared his throat, anxious eyes darting from Steve to you and Peter.

"I had a pretty good time as a teenager..." he reminisced on days long ago, before the war. "But, you're right. There were some aspects that sucked."

It wasn't anything deep, but Bucky was the last person you expected to start sharing.

"Tin man has a heart, how refreshing." Tony quipped sarcastically, earning a harsh glare from you.

"Dad, if you're not going to contribute, shut the hell up." You ignored his affronted expression in favor of asking FRIDAY to play the next song, traitor.

You and Peter swayed back and forth, lip syncing the words with pained expressions.

Somewhere in the middle of the song, you caught Sam bobbing his head to the music. You let out a heavy sigh as the song ended.

"Hold up," Sam cut in. "The two of you are in a happy relationship. How could you possibly 'vibe' with that one?" Sam added air quotes to the word vibe, nearly rolling his eyes as he quoted your earlier statement.

"First of all, thank you for acknowledging how happy we are." Peter grinned at you. "Secondly, easy. You ever had someone you trusted, betray you?" Sam nodded.

"There you go." You shook your head, gesturing with your hands as if it was obvious.

"I liked that one." Bruce chimed in for the first time. "It's easy to think you're the problem when someone betrays your trust like that. It's good to remember it's not always your fault."

"Very true." You nodded, but everyone else remained quite. You bit your lip, knowing everyone would be annoyed with the next song. "The next one is driver's license."

"Can we skip that one? We've all heard it!" Tony shut his mouth the second you glared at him again.

"No. It's part of the album."

The song played, everyone humming or singing along. It was easy for them to have the words memorized since you practically played it on a loop for a week after it was first released.

When the song ended, Steve started speaking.

"I see what you mean about relating to the songs. It's easy to find a memory of someone in small things that seem normal to everyone else, like traffic and stop signs."

You smiled at him appreciatively for sharing.

"Follow your Captain's lead people! Try to relate to the songs. We're a family here." They stared at you with blank expressions. "Emote damn it!"

Vision spoke up next. "As you referenced earlier, I have not lived a long life. I do, however, understand what you mean about sharing your emotions." He glanced at Wanda, a small smile appearing on her face from the eye contact. "It's easy to get caught up in the day to day of protecting Earth, but it's still important to experience life."

"Very well said, Vision. Next song!"

1 step forward, 3 steps back began with the familiar piano of Taylor Swift New Year's Day.

As the song played, you caught Nat and Bruce sharing a somber look. Apparently, this one struck a familiar chord for the two of them.

"Again, happy relationship?" Sam gestured wildly to you and Peter, clearly surprised by the tears in your eyes.

"Sam, I'm going to need you to work with me here." You wiped your eyes, taking a deep breath and squeezing Peter's hand. "I'll have you know, that song reminds me of my birth parents."

You've never talked about your biological parents before, but what better time than now. Time to practice what you've been preaching.

"Y/N, you don't have to..." Tony looked on with concern.

You gave him a small smile before speaking.

"I know, but you all are my family now. I feel safe with you." That statement earned encouraging smiles from the team.

"As you know, Tony took me in when I was 14. My parents, they had high standards. Nothing I did was ever good enough. If I got a 99% on a test, they'd scold me for missing a question."

"Scold is putting it lightly." Tony muttered. He's always been angry at them, but you asked him not to go looking for them. You felt it was better for you to just move on. Unbeknownst to you, he did have them arrested.

"Every time I thought I did enough, every time I thought they'd finally tell me I did a good job... all I got was a frown and new task. They made me learn new languages, instruments, sports, anything you could think of. If I did something wrong, they'd beat me or refuse to let me eat. I ran away when I was 12. Tony found me when I tried to hack into one of his suits."

Your face scrunched as you thought back to that time of your life. "That was the best day of my life." The tears fell freely at the memory of finding your new home.

"Mine too, kiddo." Tony rose from the couch to hug you, tears forming in his own eyes at the sight of you crying. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dad." You wiped your face.

"As Y/N demonstrated, just because it's a break up song doesn't mean that's the only way to interpret it. Relate the concepts to your own life experiences, and maybe you'll actually feel something." Peter spoke up, knowing you needed a minute before you jumped back into this weird therapy session.

He played the next song, deja vu. It was clear to see everyone was trying harder to listen to the lyrics and relate to the songs.

"I vibe with that song!" Thor exclaimed loudly, startling everyone as the song ended. "Jane, she wanted a normal life, but I know she shared memories of her time on Asgard with her new boyfriend." He spoke slightly bitterly, a shock from his usual joyful tone. Him speaking of his break up with Jane alone was surprising to the group.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Thor. You'll find someone more suited to your life as a god, I know it." Thor smiled at your words.

"This was a good idea Lady Y/N." He nodded along with his words. "I feel like a weight has been lifted."

"Happy to help, buddy." Everyone gave Thor words of encouragement, the team finally participating in the evening.

When the chatter died down, you played good 4 u.

Surprisingly, Nat spoke up when the song ended.

"There was a girl in the Red Room with me. The two of us, we were like sisters. Nothing about being there ever seemed to bother her. When we finished training, we were split up. After I started with Shield, I reached out a few times, but she never answered. I ran into one day in Dubai. It was like she never even knew me." Nat stared at the floor while she spoke, unaccustomed to being so vulnerable.

Rather than trying to convey anything with words, you engulfed her in a tight hug. Although surprised at first, she relaxed into the embrace.

"You're like a sister to me." You whispered softly, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Her eyes conveyed her thanks as you stood back up to join Peter. Everyone shared soft smiles and teary eyes as the next song, enough for you, played.

It was another one that clearly reminded you of your birth parents. before the song even ended, you made your way to Tony, needing to hug him and remember your new family. You didn't expect him to speak, but he opened up when the song ended.

"That one actually reminds me of my dad. It took me a long time to feel like he was proud of me. I wish it happened sooner."

It wasn't the most emotional speech, but it was a complete 180 from his previous attitude towards the evening.

"I'm glad you got to hear how much he loved you." You whispered just loud enough for him to hear. "I know how much it means to have a parent's love and support."

You blinked a few times to clear your watery eyes, playing happier next.

"I have felt that exact emotion before." Bucky spoke quickly, almost as if he didn't really want to say it. A few moments of silence followed the admission

"Buck?" Steve questioned with loving eyes.

"When you had Peggy, I- I felt kind of lost. I know we couldn't have been together in the 40s... It would never have been accepted." He shook his head, eyes downcast. "I wanted you to be happy, but I was definitely upset it wasn't with me."

Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky, holding him close and whispering affirmations of his love.

"Bucky," You took a shuddering sigh, emotions running high at the love the two men shared. "That was so sweet." A watery laugh escaped your throat, breaking the tension in the room.

Everyone admired the lasting love shared between the super soldiers, even as jealousy, jealousy played.

"While we're admitting things from our past, I was jealous of every girl you met when we were younger." Steve stared into Bucky's eyes as he spoke.

"All of them?" Bucky smirked, clearly enjoying the idea of Steve's jealousy.

"All of them. Every last one." They shared a sweet kiss, still wrapped in each other's arms.

"You two really are couple goals." You turned to Peter with a smirk on your face. "You better love me that much when we're 100 years old."

"I will, baby. I promise." The team looked on adoringly as you and Peter shared your young love.

"It's time for favorite crime!" You exclaimed excitedly. "People say this is like the other point of view of Getaway Car." The team nodded, fully aware of your obsession with the Taylor Swift song.

You could tell Sam was gearing up to say something as the song was winding down.

"When I left the air-force and started helping vets with PTSD, it took a toll. It's not heartbreak, but I fully understand having a hand in your own pain. Going back for a second tour after all of the messed up things I saw the first time, there were times when I questioned if it was the right decision." Sam spoke calmly, but with an underlying pain.

"I know how you feel." Bruce spoke up again. "There's not a day that goes by where I wonder what would have happened if I never started researching gamma radiation."

Sam nodded in response, not having the words to address the admission.

"But, those decision lead both of you here. You're a part of our makeshift family now, I am thankful for that every day." You really took on the leading role in this emotional activity, Peter nodding along to your words.

"This is the last song, it's called hope ur ok."

This song seemed to hit everyone pretty hard. Everyone thought about people from their past. Friends and family that are no longer around.

"Pietro." One word from Wanda was enough to convey how deeply she was hurting. "I miss him so much, everyday." Vision comforted her, rubbing her back in slow circles while she grieved.

It was a strange sight to see earth's mightiest heroes crying on a couch, clinging to each other for comfort.

The next 15 minutes were spent comforting each other. Whispered "thank you's" and "I love you's" were exchanged as everyone truly experienced their emotions.

"I'm proud all of you were created." You used the song lyric to bring out happier feelings. When the tears seemed to subside, you cracked a joke to lighten the mood. "Don't you feel like we really bonded?"

Everyone laughed, but they couldn't help but agree. "Well, you're all free to go. I hope you enjoyed our listening party." Peter took your hand, ready to head upstairs to watch a movie when Tony made one final announcement.

"Next time, we're going bowling."

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

[heyiwrotesomethings]

Fresh Starts

Leah (Stardew) x Selectively Mute She/Her Reader

A/N: Thought I’d try something different with this one. Sorry if I didn’t detail the instances of sign language very well, or if they are a little off, I did try. Also Kel is an asshol in this when they show up so get ready for that. Robin is cool mom and Abigail is the friend who is always ready to fight at the drop of a hat. Also, time is so weird in Stardew? There are four season in a year but each season is like a month so a year is like four months. Time is scary. I hope you like it! Word Count: 8,943

~

“So, someone has finally taken up that old farmland,” Leah heard Gus say to Harvey as he fixed the good doctor a drink at the bar, “‘Heard Lewis and Robin talking about it outside of Pierre’s yesterday.”

“Is that so?” Harvey was tired from a long day at the clinic, but being ever polite, he humored Gus and rested fully against the bar stool.

“Mhmm, looks like the old man’s kin is finally gonna make something of it. A few years late though I must say, that place is well overgrown. It’s gonna take a lot more than a little elbow grease to spruce up that dump,” Gus chuckled good naturedly and handed Harvey his beer, “I wish them luck, whoever they are.”

“Bah!” Leah jumped in her seat tucked away in the corner. Pam must have been listening in too. “If they’re smart they’ll just sell the heap of trash to Joja. M’sure they’d get a pretty penny for it.” Pam spoke bitterly. Shane, who was also quite drunk at this point in the night, took the opportunity to add his two cents in and yell across the bar.

“Why would they get your daughter for selling out to Joja?”

“That’s not what I meant, dumbass!” Pam roared back, slamming her beer on the table with a loud thump.

Leah decided she’d call it a night then. Without Elliott to crack jokes with, the saloon could get real depressing real fast with Shane and Pam racing each other to see who would get alcohol poisoning first. Even Clint was just sad to watch. The poor man sitting hopefully, waiting for Emily to even just turn in his direction. Leah finished the rest of her beer and paid Gus, giving the man a sympathetic smile as he left to cut Shane off.

Leah shivered in the cool spring breeze as she walked along the river bank to her cottage and her thoughts wandered back to what Gus had been gossiping about.

“A new face around Stardew Valley, hm?” Leah mused, kicking a stray pebble in her path, watching it skip across the cobbled stone. “I guess I won’t be the town newbie anymore.” She smiled and turned to look in the direction of Marnie’s home, knowing that the farm was somewhere just beyond. As Leah turned the key to unlock the door of her small cottage, she wondered what changes this new resident might bring.

***

“Have you met our new resident farmer yet?” Leah heard Caroline ask Jodi as she walked across the town square.

“I suppose you could call it that,” Jodi laughed, “It was a very brief meeting to say the least.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one then,” Caroline sighed, putting a hand to her chest in relief, “I thought I had offended the girl somehow, she never said a word. She just walked into the shop and pointed to a few seeds she wanted to buy, then she handed Abigail, Pierre and I daffodils and went on her way. Not so much as a sound.” Caroline explained, still bewildered by the interaction.

“Sounds about right,” Jodi nodded, “She knocked on the front door and handed me a single clam. Which was nice I suppose, but so very odd. She gave Vincent a daffodil too,” Jodi smiled, “He was very pleased. I’m sure she would have given Sam something as well if he could wake up at a more reasonable time.”

“Oh, Leah! Good morning!” Caroline had caught her. Leah put on her most sociable smile and walked forward, greeting the two women.

“Good morning Caroline, Jodi.”

“Have you been visited by the farm fairy yet?” Jodi asked, chuckling along with Caroline.

“I’m afraid not.” Leah admitted. “Although Elliott says I am a bit difficult to track down at the best of times.” She laughed good naturedly.

“Well, I’m sure she’ll get you sooner or later. She seems to be on a mission to greet the whole town. If you can call it a greeting I suppose. I don’t even know her name.” Caroline realized.

“It’s (Y/n).”

The three women jumped and turned to a grinning Robin, walking up to them with her yoga mat swaddled under her arm.

“Her name is (Y/n). She’s quite the character, huh?”

“Robin, you helped Mayor Lewis move her in didn’t you? What can you tell us?” Jodi asked, looking for any crumb of information she could get on the mysterious girl.

“Not much to tell,” Robin shrugged, “Just a sweet kid wanting to get away from the pressures of the big city,” she sent a knowing look at Leah, “Sounds like someone else I know.”

Leah laughed politely, twisting a finger around the tail end of her braid as blush settled in her cheeks faintly.

“But why is she so... you know, quiet?” Caroline asked.

“Hm, well, she did give me her blessing to explain should it come up.” Robin took a moment to think of how to proceed, absently tapping her fingers against her mat. “(Y/n) is selectively mute. She has the ability to speak, but she’s just not comfortable enough to do so at this time. This move was a big decision for her, and she’s excited, but it’s just gonna take some time before she feels secure enough to communicate orally.”

“And how did you get all this information out of her?” Caroline wondered.

Robin secured her yoga mat between her thighs and presented both hands, pointing her index fingers outward and drew a couple large circles in the air with the tips of her extended fingers. “Sign language!” Robin grinned, before taking a hold of her mat once more.

“Oh how clever!” Jodi praised. “I wish I understood sign language.”

“I’d be happy to show you a few of the basics sometime. If you really need to ask (Y/n) something though she will have no problem writing out answers for you.” Robin informed. “Now, are we working out today or...”

“I completely forgot!” Caroline smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand, “Yes, let’s go. Poor Marnie is probably wondering where we are. Are you going to join us Leah?”

“I’ll pass, thanks. I’m heading to the beach to do some painting,” Leah explained, motioning to her bag.

“Alright, see you around!” Caroline, Jodi and Robin bid Leah goodbye and hurried to the general store.

Leah sighed, as much as she liked the people in this town they were so chatty. She could have been at the beach forever ago! Once she arrived, she saw Haley sunbathing. Not unusual, but as she kept walking closer to shore she saw Elliott splayed out over the sand laying on his stomach.

Leah rolled her eyes and walked over, playfully kicking the man’s arm, causing him to squint up at her.

“Is there some kind of new writing exercise I should know about?” She asked, playfully.

“I wish, this is simply writer’s block at its finest.” Elliott groaned. “That, and I don’t know what I’m going to do with this,” he sat up and produced a wild horseradish from his jacket pocket.

“Why do you have a horseradish in your pocket?”

“A girl I’ve never seen before in my life gave it to me. Then she took off before I could refuse. Didn’t even say a word.”

“She’s totally weird, but she did give me a daffodil so I guess she’s not that bad.” Haley called from her own spot in the sand.

“Has everyone met the new girl except me?” Leah wondered aloud.

“She’s been making rounds. I’m sure she’ll find you eventually.” Elliott said, resting his chin over his arms.

“You make her sound so ominous.” Leah laughed, lowering herself to the sand and taking out a sketch pad.

“A silent specter. A harbinger of-“

“Oh can it, drama queen,” Leah smirked, “so she gave you a horseradish, it’s not the end of the world. She was just trying to be nice.”

Elliott pursed his lips, propping his head up with one hand he turned the horseradish in the other offering it to Leah. “Do you want it? You’re all about foraging.”

“I mean, if you’re not going to use it sure. Put it in my bag.” Leah relented easily. Her eyes only leaving her paper to study the horizon for a moment, then continue to sketch.

Leah stayed on the beach with Elliott for a couple of hours, talking  sketching, and painting. Finally she stood and stretched, patting the sand off the back of her jeans. “I should get going. See you around.”

“See you.” Elliott nodded, splitting off from Leah to head over to his shack.

Leah hummed to herself as she walked through town, making her way past Jodi’s house and entered the Cindersnap Forest. As she rounded the corner of her cottage, she paused in her tracks. Observing a young woman staring at her door with dandelions in one hand and her other poised to knock on the weathered wood.

Leah flinched slightly, she had stepped on a twig, snapping it and alerting her visitor of her presence.

Startled eyes met Leah’s own and the farmer straightened from her previous position, stepping back from Leah’s door.

She smiled shyly, giving Leah a short, jaunty wave before gesturing between Leah and the cottage a moment. Then she stood still. An expectant look on her face.

Leah simply stared back, blinking before she registered the silent question. “Oh! Yes, I live here. That’s my house. You’re (Y/n), right? Robin told me about you, I’m Leah.” She smiled kindly, coming forward to offer (Y/n) her hand to shake.

Instead of grasping Leah’s hand, (Y/n) cupped it with her gloved hands, turning Leah’s hand palm up and placing the dandelions inside.

“Ah, thank you.” Leah chuckled, “These will make a great salad.”

(Y/n) nodded vigorously, then moved to make her exit. Leah wasn’t sure what possessed her, but she called out to (Y/n) before she could get too far.

“Wait, I um, it’s not much but I did take an intro to ASL course my freshman year of college so, I’m a bit limited but if you ever want to talk, you know...” Leah wished she could stop talking right now. Why had no one told her that the farmer was cute!? “So, yeah, you know,” Leah fumbled with her free hand, her fingers sat just underneath her chin before she sent them forward, “Thanks again.” She smiled nervously.

(Y/n) stared at her, dumbfounded. Then she released a short, sharp exhalation of air that was reminiscent of stuttered laughter and turned back to stand before Leah. (Y/n) made a timid approach and gingerly took Leah’s wrist, still hovering midair, and guided the hand back to rest on Leah’s chin, just below her lip. Leah stood still as stone as (Y/n) held it there for a second then extended the hand forward. She repeated the motion twice more before backing away and releasing Leah from her gloved grasp. The smell of earth and grass still clung to Leah’s nose even after (Y/n) had stepped back.

“Oh, I did it wrong, didn’t I?” Leah blushed, “Is there a big difference between the two?”

(Y/n) blew out a large breath of air and nodded. One of her gloved hands came up to cover the amused smile fighting against her lips.

“What did I say? Was is embarrassing? Yoba, I need to know,” Leah carefully set the dandelions at her feet and rummaged through her bag. Taking out her sketch pad and a pencil, she flipped to a clean page and presented the materials into the rough fabric of (Y/n)’s gloved hands, “Please, tell me.”

(Y/n) shot Leah a sympathetic smile, then she looked down at the paper and wrote quickly and concisely. She looked over her work, nodded to herself, then she handed the sketch book and pencil back to Leah before jogging of in the direction of her farm.

“Eh- Hey! Wait a minute!” Leah took a few strides after the farmer but quickly gave up, electing to look at the paper in her hand instead. “Maybe I’ll tell you some other time. Nice meeting you Leah, smiley face.” Leah read aloud to herself. She scoffed, but couldn’t stop the smile that had conquered her lips. She couldn’t wait to see (Y/n) again.

***

“Hey, Maru-“

“I think I have a feeling about what this is about, but just in case, please proceed.”

The next morning, Leah had made her way to the clinic to visit Maru and perhaps get the answers she was looking for. She had made the trek to (Y/n)’s farm first, but she wasn’t there. A little note hastily taped to the farmer’s door revealed that she was spending the day fishing in the mountains and wouldn’t be back until late at night.

“Maru, you know sign language like your mom, right?” Leah asked.

“Sure do. Seb and dad do too.” Maru nodded, leaning over the clinic counter. “But I’ve got to tell you that if you’re looking for the meaning of what you accidentally signed to (Y/n) last night, we were sworn to silence earlier this morning before (Y/n) went fishing. Sorry.” Maru smiled.

“Ugh,” Leah sighed, leaning her forehead against the counter. “Can I at least have a hint?”

“Well, it’s really funny. Especially considering how chill you normally are and your kind disposition.”

“Yoba, I really need to know!” Leah groaned against the counter.

“Well my family can’t tell you. You’ll just have to wait to hear it from (Y/n),” Maru grinned and pushed away from the counter, “I have to prepare for Evelyn’s check up now so I’ll see you around Leah.”

“Yeah, bye.” Leah grumbled, watching Maru disappear into the back offices. “Well, there goes that plan.” She mumbled under her breath as she left the clinic.

Leah spent the rest of the day sculpting in her cottage. She spent hours getting lost in the chipping of the wood before finally going to bed.

***

It had been days since Leah last saw (Y/n) and if the farming life wasn’t so demanding, Leah would have been worried that she had deeply offended the farmer to the point that she was purposely avoiding her. Leah decided not to waste the time she had been presented with.

She approached Robin about sign language lessons, enough to get some basic phrases and words. She practiced the motions herself, perfecting them to allow for no mistakes. Although she knew (Y/n) could hear her just fine, she found it easier to retain the lessons this way. Not to mention that it was just a useful language to know.

“I’ve hardly seen you around. I was worried you stabbed yourself with your woodworking tools.” Elliott said as Leah came up to sit next to him in the saloon.

“And you didn’t think to come to check on me?” Leah looked at the writer incredulously.

“Nope.”

Leah punched Elliott’s arm and he laughed. Before long, Emily came by with their food and they ate comfortably.

“Would you look at that.” Elliot spoke, pointing in direction of the door as he swallowed another bite.

Leah turned to look, purple irises sparkling at the sight of (Y/n) lugging a large bag up to the bar. She watched Emily talk (Y/n)’s ear off, the poor farmer smiled uncomfortably while trying to divide her attention between her and Gus who had apparently requested a variety of fish.

“Wow, Robin said you were in trouble but you really are,” Elliott chuckled behind his beer, “You really lit up just now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leah scoffed, still watching (Y/n) hand Gus fish after fish. It was almost comical how such an objectively small bag could hold so much.

“You can’t keep your eyes off her. I realize the dating pool in Stardew is small, but the girl just got here.”

“Elliott, stop!” Leah blushed, looking back down at her plate to stab at her salad.

“I’m just saying, you’re already taking sign language lessons for her you might want to dial it back a little bit. You wouldn’t want to come off as the obsessive type.”

“Oh! She’s leaving, should I offer to walk her home? I’m going to offer to walk her home.” Leah dug in her pocket and pulled out some gold, pushing it over to Elliott.

“What did I just say?” Elliott called after Leah, as she eagerly jogged to the exit to catch (Y/n) walking in the direction of the Cindersaps, perfect!

“(Y/n), good evening!” Leah called jogging up to the farmer only to have the farmer gasp and take several steps away from Leah, holding her hands out as a warning to not come any closer. “I’m sorry, I’m didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable!” Leah gasped, maybe Elliott was right.

(Y/n) shook her head, slowly taking a step back towards Leah, presenting her slightly soggy bag and waving her hand in front of her nose, scrunching her face as she did so.

Leah was sure the movement wasn’t an official ASL sign, but it did help get the point across and she giggled.

“What? Do you think you smell?”

Another nod and a look that seemed to say that she didn’t just think so, she knew so. She had been in the mines all morning and fishing at the beach all afternoon. She couldn’t wait to take a shower.

“It’s alright, I won’t judge you,” Leah smiled, “Are you heading home for the night? I’d be happy to walk with you since it’s so dark.”

(Y/n) took a moment to think about it before nodding shyly and motioning Leah closer. Leah happily obliged walking alongside the farmer into the Cindersap Forest. The walk was mostly silent, but that was to be expected nonetheless, Leah was having a great time. They had even found a couple of leeks along the way which (Y/n) had insisted Leah keep. All too soon, they reached the porch of the old farmhouse.

“You’re crops look great,” Leah complimented, looking for an excuse to stay even just a few minutes more, “really healthy. What all have you been growing? Are those potatoes and turnips?”

(Y/n) looked over her shoulder as she unlocked her door. Her eyes focused on where Leah was pointing and nodded affirmingly.

“Yeah, I’m no farmer but I love foraging. I’ve got a few really good books about wild foods and where to find them and when. It’s kind of like a scavenger hunt.” Leah grinned.

“Mhmm.”

It was quiet, a little strained, but the small hum of agreement almost sent Leah into cardiac arrest. She sounded so sweet! Leah’s cheeks were starting to hurt from how widely she was smiling.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then. So, I’ll see you around?”

(Y/n) looked like she wanted to say something, but settled for a simple nod, fiddling with the gardening gloves she had taken off. Leah smiled softly, watching how the farmer intently eyed the fabric twisting in her hands.

“Feel free to drop by the cottage whenever it suits you. I’ll leave the door open!” Leah added, waving over her shoulder as she turned to walk away. (Y/n) beamed, looking a bit more lively as she waved back.

Leah turned her back on the house and walked back to her cottage in the Cindersaps with a skip in her step and a painfully large smile on her face. Although it was already late, she prepared a new block of wood for sculpting. Her new muse had granted her a vision for a grand project and had the potential to be one of her greatest works yet.

***

“Kel, I told you to stop calling me. I’m not coming back to the city, we are through.” Leah frowned, her hand gripped the phone receiver so tightly that she could hear the plastic giving slightly under the pressure.

She was so focused on combating Kel’s useless bargains that she hadn’t noticed the timid farmer show herself in, looking at Leah’s tense shoulders and back with concern. (Y/n) flinched as Leah cut off Kel to speak again, her voice low and stern.

“There is nothing you could say, nothing you could offer me, that would make me come back. Move on, and please, for the last time, do not call me again.” Leah slammed the phone down on its perch. Pressing her palms into her eyes she let out a frustrated groan, slowly positioning her hands to rub at her temples to combat the headache she felt coming on.

Then she heard the door creak.

Leah quickly turned around just in time to see (Y/n) looking back at her with wide eyes and lips pursed thin as if she had been caught witnessing an event she had no business seeing. Which was partially true, but Leah had told her a week beforehand that she could drop by anytime.

“(Y/n), what a pleasant surprise!” Leah grimaced, watching (Y/n) flinch and look down sheepishly at her feet. One had managed to retreat back out the door before being caught and it was slowly joined by the intruding foot, so (Y/n) was fully outside again. Leah shook her head and calmly approached the farmer.

“Please don’t leave, I’m the one who told you to come let yourself in whenever. I’m sorry you had to hear all of that.” Leah was worried, watching (Y/n) linger in the doorway. Her shoulders relaxed when (Y/n) cautiously came back inside and closed the door behind her.

(Y/n) stood in the entryway and looked over Leah, her eyes filled heavily with concern. She raised a hand, pointing to Leah before signing the letters ‘o’ and ‘k’.

“I’m okay. I’m just,” Leah fumbled for the right words, “mad, sad? Exhausted.”

(Y/n) made another gesture, shaping her fingers into a ‘hang loose’-esque sign. Her curled fingers meeting her chin. She lowered the hand momentarily to give it a controlled shake before bringing it back up into the starting position.

“What’s wrong?” Leah mumbled, making sure she understood. (Y/n) nodded. “I just got a phone call from someone I didn’t want to talk to is all,” Leah sighed, “They’re an ex of mine. The person who called.” Leah disclosed, rubbing the back of her neck, agitated.

(Y/n) signed again, but Leah didn’t quite catch it that time so she motioned (Y/n) over to her dining nook and sat her down with some paper and a pencil. The farmer seemed a bit unwilling to write it out, feeling like it was more insensitive somehow but with a little prodding from Leah, she gave in.

“Was it a bad break up...” Leah read aloud. She sat back in her chair and carefully chose her words. “Sometimes it feels like we’re still breaking up,” Leah chuckled wryly, “Kel, my ex, didn’t like me perusing art. They didn’t think I could make a living out of it and wanted me to waste away at some office job and well, I didn’t want that. They weren’t respectful or supportive of my dreams, so I left. They call me a lot though, to try to convince me to come back to the city... that I won’t make it as an artist. That I can’t be happy without them. It really is exhausting and the worst part is, I worry that they’re right.” Leah released a shuddering breath, “I haven’t sold a single piece. I don’t really even know how to start. I can sustain myself on what I have in my savings account for only so long.”

(Y/n) covered Leah’s hand with her own, squeezing it. Leah marveled at how soft it was in comparison to her own, especially since it was the hand of a farmer. Perhaps the gloves (Y/n) always wore had more practical uses rather than simply being worn for aesthetic’s sake. Leah chanced a look at (Y/n)’s face and was caught off guard by the determined fire blazing in her eyes. Then Leah’s attention was brought back to the table as (Y/n) furiously scratched the pencil against the paper and forcefully pushed her newly composed message in front of the sculptor, her other hand still rooted over Leah’s.

Leah read over the note and felt her heart ache with appreciative warmth. ‘You were brave enough to know what you wanted and even though it wasn’t easy, you went for it. That in itself is an amazing accomplishment that you should not take lightly. Your dream is not unfounded either, I’ve seen some of your sketches and paintings and I think you are very talented. Once you figure out how to put yourself out there you’ll have people begging you to take their money.’

Leah sniffed and smiled at (Y/n) appreciatively, turning her hand to reciprocate (Y/n)’s strong, yet gentle hold on her. “Thank you, (Y/n). I just wish I knew how to start.”

(Y/n) tapped her chin with the pencil as she thought. When she had an idea, she pulled the paper back to herself and wrote a suggestion.

“An art show? Oh, I don’t know (Y/n). It hardly seems possible.”

(Y/n) shook her head in disagreement and wrote more.

“You really think the town would want to help? Are you sure you want to help? You’ve got enough on your plate already with how busy the farm keeps you. I don’t want to impose.”

(Y/n) looked as if she had something to say, her throat bobbed and her lips twitched, but in the end she settled for the paper again, still too anxious to speak. After Leah had read the reply, she felt (Y/n)’s thumb rub against her knuckles and looked up. (Y/n) nodded, her expression serious. She wanted to help Leah with this.

“Thank you, (Y/n)!” Leah sniffled, holding back tears. She launched herself into (Y/n)’s arms and hugged the surprised farmer close. “Thank you so much!”

(Y/n) slowly returned the hug, smoothing one of her hands over Leah’s back in comforting motions. It was a bit of an awkward position with (Y/n) still sitting at the table and Leah hovering over her, but it felt nice.

“Sorry,” Leah chuckled after a moment, leaning back and wiping a stray tear from her eye, “I kind of caught you off guard with that didn’t I?”

(Y/n) shrugged and smiled good naturedly. A look came over her face as if she just remembered something and she stood up to grab her bag from the cottage entryway. She grinned when she found what she was looking for and made her way back to Leah, holding out a brown paper package to her.

“For me?” Leah asked. (Y/n) nodded and gestured for her to take it. Leah carefully unwrapped it and gasped. “(Y/n), is this goat cheese? I love this, how did you know?”

(Y/n) raised her hand, signing the letters ‘E’ ‘L’ ‘L’ ‘I’ ‘O’ ‘T’ ‘T’.

“Elliott hm?” Leah laughed, “I’m glad you two are getting along after the horseradish debacle.”

(Y/n) crossed her arms and stuck her nose up. She wasn’t looking back on the memory fondly.

“Hey, I’m with you on this one. He was being an ass. How could you have known he hated horseradish.”

(Y/n) nodded in agreement, one of her hands reaching out as if to say, ‘exactly’. She then noticed the time on Leah’s clock and signed that she had to go.

“I see.” Leah smiled sadly, trying not to let her disappointment shine through. “Good bye then, and (Y/n),” Leah signed ‘thank you’, very mindful of the position of her hands this time around, “seriously thank you for everything.”

(Y/n) beamed, giving Leah a thumbs up before heading out the door.

***

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Leah kept mumbling to herself while watching her fellow Pelican Townies set up her creations in the town square. There were already some tourists looking around and Leah felt her nerves fraying.

“Hang in there, kid. Everything looks great. Don’t worry so much.” Robin snuck up on Leah, making her jump. “It’s a beautiful summer day, don’t forget to enjoy it.”

“I’m trying, Robin. It’s just so much.” Leah said, nervously playing with her sleeve. Robin noticed Elliott walking up and motioned him to help deal with the artist while she went to help Demetrius move a heavy wooden sculpture.

“Come on now, Leah. Too late to back out now.” Elliott grinned, thumping her back. “(Y/n) seems especially excited by how things are progressing.”

Leah chanced a glance at (Y/n) and Maru putting up paintings between signing each other excitedly. The scene warmed her heart and her shoulders relaxed a bit.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll try.”

“Great, now let’s go woo some tourists.” Elliott said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“What? Elliott, no!” Leah shook her head.

“Not like that,” Elliott laughed, “I know your heart belongs to someone else. I just meant,” he looks around before whispering in Leah’s ear, “woo them out of their money.”

Leah laughed and pushed Elliott away. “Alright, you focus on the wooing and I’ll focus on explaining my thought processes.”

“That doesn’t sound as fun, but okay, this is your day.”

As Elliot and Leah made their way across the square, an unwelcome guest watched them from afar. Their blood boiled as they saw Leah pause at the makeshift painting gallery to give the farmer’s hand an affectionate squeeze.

***

“I can’t believe we sold so many!” Leah spoke in ecstatic disbelief as she waved at the last car she and (Y/n) had just loaded a heavy wooden sculpture into before it drove away. “This is crazy!”

(Y/n) wore a smile that matched Leah’s, happy to watch the sculptor bouncing in place. When Leah finally stilled, still giddy, she took both of (Y/n)’s hands in hers. Once again free of the gloves, the hands were pleasantly soft against her own and she relished in the feeling.

“(Y/n) I know it’s kind of late, but I have something I want to give to you. I left it at my house so I’m going to go get it. I’ll meet you at the farm, is that alright?”

(Y/n) stared at Leah, her curiosity piqued. She nodded, easily giving Leah the answer she was hoping for.

“Great! I’ll be there soon!” With one last squeeze of the farmer’s hands, she was off. (Y/n) heard the crack of a twig, but when she turned to investigate, nothing stood out so she made her way back to her farm to wait for Leah.

When Leah came up to the porch, (Y/n) had to do a double take at the big wooden statue she was lugging along. With one last huff of air, Leah placed the statue at the base of the steps and grinned up at (Y/n), wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Thanks for waiting. It was a little more ah, heavy, than I expected.” Leah laughed sheepishly. “Come take a look.”

(Y/n) stepped off the porch and circled the piece, taking in every detail. Leah felt nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach while she watched the farmer scrutinize the work and cleared her throat.

“I started working on it in the spring. I also incorporated some of that driftwood you gave me a few weeks ago. Anyway, I made it with you in mind. It’s called, ‘How I Feel about (Y/n)’ and I’d be honored if you would accept it as a gift for everything you’ve done for me.” Leah stared at her feet as she spoke, too embarrassed to keep her eyes on (Y/n) while she spoke. Then a pair of boots joined, hands came up to clasp her own, pulling the conjoined grasp into her line of vision and coaxing her to look up into (Y/n)’s eyes.

“It’s wonderful.”

At that moment, Leah thought her heart must have been beating so hard that it was affecting her hearing.

“Hh... huh?” Leah asked, rather dumbly.

(Y/n) swallowed thickly, took a deep breath, and whispered, “It’s wonderful, Leah. Thank you.”

Leah looked absolutely awestruck, purple irises shone with excitement and she laughed, pulling (Y/n) into a tight embrace.

“I’m glad you like it.” Leah sniffled, resting her face in (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“Leah?” (Y/n) wrapped her arms around the artist, it was only one word, her name, but Leah heard the concern in the farmer’s tone.

“I’m okay. I’m just happy,” Leah sniffled again, “I’m happy you felt comfortable enough with me to speak to me.”

“Me too.” (Y/n) whispered, holding Leah tighter.

The pair found it difficult when they had to part ways for the night, but they were equally excited over how their relationship was developing, looking forward to spending more time together over the summer.

***

“Come on, just a little further...” Leah coached herself. She was reaching for a piece of fruit hanging from a branch just out of her reach.

She had planned a picnic with (Y/n) for this afternoon. She had already set up under the big old tree near the pond and as she waited for (Y/n) to finish up with her crops and animals for the morning, when she spotted the unusual fruit. Now she was jumping and stretching for the fruit just out of reach.

“Almost— Ah!” Leah struggled to balance herself in the air, swiveling her head to peak over her shoulder, she saw (Y/n) looking up at her with a mischievous grin. Leah rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the side of her lips. She turned back to the task at hand and grabbed the fruit, motioning (Y/n) to put her back down.

“Show off.” Leah scoffed, lightly punching (Y/n)’s shoulder. “You wanna try a bite?”

“Yes, please.” (Y/n)’s cheeks heated when Leah pressed the fruit to her lips. She took a bite of the offering, savoring the taste. “It’s so sweet.” She said, amazed.

“Right?” Leah smiled, “It’s rare to get fruit from this tree. Usually all the animals snap it all up as soon as they’re ripe, but it seems they miss some from time to time. How is everything with the farm this morning?”

“All is well,” (Y/n) nodded as the pair made themselves comfortable on the blanket Leah had set up, “I would have been here sooner but the goats kept standing in front of my cheese and mayo machines, the chicken coup too. Made it a little difficult.” (Y/n) disclosed. “Which reminds me,” she rummaged through her bag, “goat cheese salads.”

“Mmm, this looks heavenly. Thank you for making these.” Leah said, eagerly stirring in some vinaigrette into the generous fresh salad.

“No problem. Selling my harvest is nice, but it feels so much more rewarding enjoying it like this.” (Y/n) informed, mixing her own salad.

“I can imagine,” Leah hummed and leaned her back fully against the trunk of the tree, “Ah, it’s such a lovely day for this.”

“Mhmm.”

They ate the rest of their meal in peaceful silence, listening to the birds sing and the fish leap, the breeze rustling the trees and grass around them. It was tranquil, it was perfect.

“Hey, Leah,” (Y/n) spoke, breaking the silence.

“Yes?” Leah asked, turning her gaze away from the sketch pad she had brought out.

“It’s almost Fall you know, we’ve known each other for nearly two whole seasons. Half a year, it’s crazy, right?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long, doesn’t it?” Leah giggled, “What made you think of that?”

“Well, I wanted to ask you something. Don’t feel like you have to answer one way or the other, but...” (Y/n) paused, trying to gather her thoughts.

“Hey, it’s okay (Y/n). You can tell me anything. Sign it out if you want to.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just nervous,” (Y/n) turned to her bag and pulled out a lovely bouquet of flowers, “Leah, would you maybe consider being my girlfriend?“

“Yes!” Leah enveloped (Y/n) in a tackle like hug that sent them both to fully meet the ground, accidentally crushing the flowers between their bodies, “Oops, sorry,” Leah wiggled the flowers out from under her to look at them more closely, “these are lovely, (Y/n). I didn’t know Pierre had these in yet.”

“He didn’t, I planted them.” (Y/n) clarified, smiling up at Leah who still hovered over her, giggling.

“Of course you did, you’re so sweet.”

“I try.”

“Are you kidding me!”

Leah and (Y/n) quickly turned to face the disturbance, scrambling to sit up from their compromising position. Leah felt her stomach twist with discomfort seeing Kel of all people marching up to them, absolutely fuming.

“Seriously, what the hell, Leah?” Kel yelled, their hands clenched into tight fists as they closed in, making yard after yard disappear between them.

“No, more like what the hell, Kel? I broke up with you seasons ago. What are you even doing in Pelican Town?” Leah retorted angrily, as (Y/n) helped her to her feet. Kel watched the motion and ground their teeth.

They were already dangerously close to crossing the threshold of the blanket and that small display was enough to send them stomping over the edge.

“I came for you, obviously! I’ve been slumming it in that dusty old saloon since your art show, waiting to talk to you! Now I find you sucking face with some country bumpkin nobody!” They seethed, stepping even closer into Leah’s personal space until (Y/n) pulled Leah back behind her, making Kel even more incensed. “You stay out of this. I’m talking to Leah!”

(Y/n) held strong, stuck between the harsh obscenities attacking her from the front and the loving affirmations defending her from behind. She held her arm out, willing Kel to stay back as she slowly started to guide Leah back in the direction of town for help. Kel ignored the warning and followed after them.

“Don’t you have anything to say for yourself? You think you’re being some kind of hero right now?” Kel seethed.

(Y/n) stayed silent, she had gone mute again and who would blame her in the face of such a tense situation? She was so very uncomfortable, scared even, but she continued on passed Marnie’s since she knew the woman wasn’t home at this time and she sure wasn’t going to expose Jas to this. Jodi’s house was their next best bet.

“Hey, you obviously want to start something here. You’ve got something to say to me?” Kel continued forward.

“Kel, leave us alone!” Leah commanded, “It’s over, it’s been over, go home!”

“You think you’re too good to talk to me?” Kel yelled, ignoring Leah. “She’s just a whore. She just latched onto the first warm body she could find after her little meltdown. You’re not special.”

(Y/n) froze stiffly in place, Leah felt the muscles on her shoulders tense so she tried to pull on her arm to keep her moving.

“Ignore them, (Y/n). Let’s focus on getting to town, okay?” Leah pleaded. But (Y/n) gently pushed off Leah’s hands and took a step towards Kel with a cold glare. Leah stepped to stand beside (Y/n)’s side, nervous that a more serious confrontation was about to unfold.

“Well?” Kel spat.

(Y/n) crossed her arms, turning her head to look at Leah. The look on her face was all the communication Leah needed to understand. It was definitely a, ‘they better back off or I’m going to knock them off their block’ face. Leah had never known (Y/n) to be particularly violent, but with all the time she spent in the mines, she had no doubt that she could take care of herself.

Leah gasped when Kel suddenly roared, lunging forward. Apparently they had not liked how (Y/n) and Leah had been paying attention to each other rather than themself. Kel had rocketed forward and aimed to punch (Y/n) hard over her cheek, however, at the last moment, Leah pushed her aside and took the blow for her.

(Y/n) inhaled sharply and caught Leah as she stumbled back, noticing how blood immediately began gushing from Leah’s now broken nose.

“Ow- AH!” Leah cried, her hands muffled her voice since she had covered her nose and mouth.

It only took a second for (Y/n) to return the favor to Kel’s stunned face. She punched them fast and hard over their cheek, but Kel was quick to fight back and now it was a full out brawl.

“What’s going on, we heard yelling— holy shit!”

Leah turned away from the fight to see Sam, Seb, and Abigail running up on the scene.

“(Y/n)’s throwing hands!” Abigail yelled, sounding way more excited than worried.

“Leah are you okay? What’s going on?” Sebastian asked, noting the concerning amount of blood running down Leah’s arms and the front of her shirt.

“Don’t worry about me, stop them!” Leah winced, taking one hand away from her face to motion to her ex and her new girlfriend still going at each other.

“Damn, Abi! Go get your dad and Harvey too by the looks of it!” Sam yelled, he seemed to be looking for an opening to push the fighters apart.

“Are you kidding? You get my dad, I’m getting in on this!” Abigail cheered and ran up to jump on Kel’s back like she was at a rodeo while (Y/n) landed a good hit on Kel’s stomach. “Nice punch, (Y/n)!”

“Oh Yoba, Sam, start running.” Seb suggested, trying to help Leah with her nose. He was no Maru, but even he knew how to set a broken nose. Especially within the first couple weeks of Sam taking up skateboarding.

“Right!” Sam ran off back into town screaming. A few tense minutes later and Pierre, Caroline, Robin, Elliott, Maru and Harvey came running behind Sam to break up the fight.

“Abigail, stop!” Pierre huffed, pulling off his daughter and passing her off to his wife, “I taught you what I did to defend yourself, not to lash out like a wild animal!” He grunted, pulling Kel into his grasp and trapping their arms behind their back with Elliott coming up to assist.

“Come on dad, I was helping a friend! What’s the big deal?” Abi groaned, while her mom fretted over her, looking for injuries.

“Easy there kid, it’s over.” Robin coaxed (Y/n), pulling her back. The farmer slumped over in the carpenter’s hold, breathing heavily.

“Is (Y/n) okay? Ah!” Leah hissed as Harvey touched up her nose, giving her a nasal spray before wedging a couple wads of tissue up her nostrils.

“Sorry, Leah.” Harvey sympathized, “Maru is going to check up on her now.”

“What about me?” Kel hissed. Pierre had them resting on their knees. They looked really roughed up. A black eye was already forming and scratches and bruises littered their skin, they were also holding their stomach rather tightly.

“You’ll just have to wait a minute.” Elliott frowned, staring down at the stranger with contempt.

“Don’t you have any police officers in this backwater town? I’ll sue every one of you for withholding care to someone who is obviously hurt!” Kel threatened, grinding their teeth.

“Oh, the police are coming alright!”  Caroline spoke indignantly. “You are in no position to be asking for anything right now, bringing violence to our community, you should be ashamed!”

“(Y/n) can you look up for me, please.” Maru asked, carefully tilting (Y/n)’s chin up. (Y/n) sucked in a breath when Maru touched her bruised jaw a tad to hard. “Sorry, Your jaw is bruised pretty badly. Your bottom lip split too. How is your vision?”

(Y/n) shook her head and winced, cradling her head in her hands.

“Okay, possible concussion. We’ll need to observe her at the clinic.” Maru said.

“Alright, come on bruiser,” Robin grunted, heaving (Y/n) to her feet, “Sebbie, help me walk her into town please.”

“Sure mom.” Seb took (Y/n)’s other side.

(Y/n) patted Robin’s arm, motioning her to wait. She slowly turned to Kel and leaned more heavily against Seb as she freed her other arm from Robin to snap her fingers aggressively, looking for Kel’s attention. Once Kel looked up at her, sneering from their spot in the dirt, (Y/n) turned briefly to make sure Leah was watching. When she saw that she was, she smiled as if to say, ‘watch this,’ and turned back to Kel. (Y/n) brought her flat, angled hand below her chin and sent it forward in the direction of Kel’s confused, but no less, pissed face.

“Oh ho! (Y/n) is such a badass!” Abigail laughed.

“Abi, since when do you know sign language?” Sam asked, clearly confused.

“I don’t, but I’ve spent enough time searching curses in different languages to know that was totally a ‘fuck you’. Personally I think a middle finger approach would have been an appropriate classic myself but whatever.” Abigail shrugged.

“Abigail, language!” Caroline scolded.

“Sorry mom.”

“Alright, you’ve had your fun. Clinic, now.” Robin tried to hold in a laugh as she repositioned (Y/n)’s arm over her shoulder. Then she and Seb began walking (Y/n) back into town.

Leah made to follow, but as they were leaving, the police from the the next town over had arrived and they needed her statements as a witness. Never mind that she was covered in her own blood and her girlfriend was being dragged away to the clinic with a concussion. Once the officers were satisfied, they took Kel away with promises to be back for (Y/n)’s statement and to see if any charges would be made. For now they were just going to take Kel back to a hospital in Zuzu City since they may have broken a rib or two in the fight. After that, they were going to be free to go.

Leah wasn’t too worried. She didn’t think Kel would come back after the beating (Y/n) and Abigail gave them. She watched the police car drive out of Cindersaps, taking her disgruntled ex away.

“Leah, I’m sure you want to get to the clinic but you should really clean up first.” Caroline had said patting the younger woman’s back. “(Y/n) will be fine.”

“Yeah, Harvey and Maru got her. Take some time to process.” Elliott smiled.

Leah could only nod tiredly. She trudged over to her cottage to shower and change. She still couldn’t believe how quickly things got out of hand. She looked at her bandaged nose in the mirror, hissing when she gingerly touched the bridge of it. She was wary of Seb setting it himself, but Harvey said he had gone a great job. Once she was physically put back together, Leah quickly made her way to the clinic.

“Where is she?” She asked immediately upon arriving. She sounded a little congested thanks to her clogged nose, but she was easily understood. Robin was still in the waiting room and filled her in.

“Harvey and Maru are talking her through concussion care. She’s okay, but I don’t think she’ll be allowed to work for awhile.”

“Oh no,” Leah sat down, resting her elbows on her knees and covered her eyes with her hands, “This is all my fault.”

“Aw, don’t say that sweetheart. You know that’s not true.” Robin frowned, taking a seat beside her, “(Y/n) would hate to hear you think like that.”

“(Y/n) loves her farm! If she can’t maintain the upkeep...” Leah continued, teary eyed, only to be silenced by Robin.

“I’m going to stop you right there. Nothing is going to happen to the farm. Abi, Sam, and even Seb already told (Y/n) in no uncertain terms that they were going to pitch in while she recovers. Everything is going to be taken care of.” Robin assured.

“Still none of this would have happened if-“

“If you hadn’t broken up with your ex? Moved to Pelican Town? Got a crush? Leah, you can’t punish yourself for moving on with your life. You’re allowed to be happy.” Robin chided gently. “It was hard for me and Sebastian’s father to see eye to eye at the best of times. Now I have Demetrius and although he can be a bit annoying sometimes with his tomato bullshit, not a day goes by that I’m not grateful I took that first step because I love him.” Robin smiled.

Leah’s nose hurt like hell as she tried to carefully wipe the tears from her eyes and Robin rubbed her back affectionately. Once Leah had calmed down, Robin stood and stretched.

“She’s been wondering where you are. The doc is keeping her for overnight observation, but your welcome to stay with her. I on the other hand, am apparently too old for this much excitement and need to go home.”

“Thank you Robin, for talking to me.”

“Anytime,” Robin grinned, “now go get her.”

Leah made her way into the back area of the clinic and nearly ran up to Harvey, Maru, and (Y/n). (Y/n) was signing to Maru while she relayed the information to Harvey as he examined (Y/n)’s well being.

(Y/n) was relieved to see Leah and eagerly motioned her to come sit on the edge of the bed she was sitting in which Leah did happily.

“Leah, how’s the nose?” Harvey asked while he finished up (Y/n)’s chart.

“It’s fine. Just, really sore and tingly.”

“So not fine.” Maru chuckled. “I’ll get you some pain meds.”

“Ah, thanks Maru.” Leah smiled sheepishly.

“Well, Ms. (Y/n),” Harvey sighed, turning his attention back to the farmer, “you and I are in for a long night. I’ll be waking you up every hour to check your pupils to see if your condition changes at all.” Harvey stood and stretched, “Ms. Leah, feel welcome to stay as long as you like. It can’t hurt to keep an extra pair of eyes on her.”

“I could stay overtime, Harvey.” Maru said as she came back with two pills and a glass of water for Leah.

“I seem to recall you talking about a time sensitive experiment this morning.” Harvey recalled, making Maru smack the side of her head. “You’re right! I got to go now! Good night everyone!” Maru called behind her as she rushed out to the waiting room then out of the building.

“I’m going to take the first of my many naps lined up for tonight. I’ll see you ladies in about an hour. Try to get some rest.” Harvey said before leaving to walk up the stairs to his apartment.

Finally Leah and (Y/n) were alone again. (Y/n) sunk down into the covers and sighed deeply. She turned to face Leah, concerning the sculptor by how small she looked.

“You’re not too upset with me, are you?” (Y/n) asked, surprising Leah.

“I’m not upset with you. Why would I be upset with you?”

“I just beat the crap out a person. Sure they are your ex, but you cared about them at some point so it must have been hard to watch. I can’t imagine what you must think of me now.” (Y/n) whispered, she was so quiet Leah had to lean closer and even then she was straining to hear.

“(Y/n), I like you. Nothing that happened today changed how much I like you. It certainly didn’t make me like you any less,” Leah rested her hand over (Y/n)’s cheek, “Kel made their choice when they decided to come to Pelican Town and confront us. I wish it hadn’t gone down the way it did, but that’s not our fault. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I’m glad you’re okay too. I was worried.”

“I wish we could start this day all over,” Leah moaned, “First day as official girlfriends and we get into a fist fight.”

(Y/n) laughed lightly, closing her eyes to combat the pain that came from her jostling. “Abigail thought it was a pretty great date activity.”

“She would think that.” Leah rolled her eyes, “she also eats rocks.”

“Well, think about it this way. Until I’m allowed to take up all my farming duties again, you can do whatever you want with me.”

“Whatever I want, hmm?” Leah tapped her lips with her index finger, “would it be to forward if me to ask for a kiss?”

“You may, just be careful with my split lip. I won’t be able to explain what happened to Harvey if you make it worse.” (Y/n) said.

“One gentle kiss, coming right up.” Leah wiggled on the bed’s stiff hospital sheets until she laid face to face with (Y/n). Their lips met in a soft brushing that was almost ghost like, but rather than leaving them with a chill, warmth bloomed between them.

“Wow.” (Y/n) grinned.

“If you thought that was good, wait until I can get more involved with it.”

“So confident. I like it.” (Y/n) squinted, “could you turn the light off? It’s really starting to hurt my eyes.”

“Of course.” Leah got up and switched off the half the lights to keep their side of the room in darkness but allow Harvey to still be able to see when he came back.

“Now come cuddle, please.” (Y/n) asked sleepily reaching her arms out.

“Nothing would make me happier.”

Leah kicked off her boots and shimmied under the sheets to join (Y/n) and wrapped her arms around her. Leah let the exhaustion of the day roll over her and she had nearly let sleep claim her before her eyes shot open and she propped herself up on her elbow to lean over (Y/n).

“Did I really sign a ‘fuck you’ when we first met?!” She asked, appalled.

(Y/n)’s response was to laugh sleepily into Leah’s chest.

[vostokovasmelina]

— 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝟑𝐂. (𝐬.𝐰.)

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐢  |  𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭����𝐫 𝐢 | 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

characters: fem!reader; sam wilson; archibald the tabby cat; sarah wilson

word count: 3.1k+

warning: mentions and descriptions of alcohol, death, grief, trauma, therapy, depression – i call this post-snap realism

series summary: after the blip, sam wilson gets home to an unpleasant surprise - his key doesn’t fit the lock anymore and his apartment is now inhabited by a stranger and a grumpy feline. however, the unusual encounter is only the beginning of their post-blip lives and the reader soon learns that what life takes away, it can give back in the most particular ways.

a/n: the ending is a dark unedited mess, so proceed with caution

Taking a cautious sip of your hot beverage, you watched this absolute gatecrasher of a man trying to make up his mind about whatever he was so confused about – Sam kept looking all around your apartment as if searching for something he had left there, his slightly lost and disoriented expression sending a sudden wave of guilt rushing over you. Now that you thought about it, it really must have sucked absolute cheese for him to come home hoping he could finally have that huge cup of strong black coffee he had been anticipating ever since having defeated that enormous purple bastard from Outer Space, only to find that his coffee machine was long gone and now this random lady with a philodendron problem and a judgmental cat were inhabiting the place with absolutely no room left for him whatsoever. It did sound tragic when you put it that way.

However, it really wasn’t your fault that you had needed to find a brand new residence approximately five years before. He really should have checked in with someone to make sure he still had somewhere to go home to. You were quite clearly the real victim here. And Lord only knew how poor Archie was going to process all the excitement of the day.

For a few seconds, you contemplated whether or not to put your thoughts into words, and eventually decided against it for the time being. The man had just helped save the world a few days before, after all, and out of what? Good conscience? Personally not for you, but you could appreciate it in others. And it would have been a real shame to die right when your fan-favourite succulents and killer new posting schedule had been attracting more Instagram followers than ever before. Thanks to the savior complex flaming inside of the gentleman standing before you though, the regular civilian had luckily escaped such terrible hardships. And special thanks to approximately a thousand and one other superheroes. Oh, and to an African country filled with similarly public-spirited people.

For a few awkwardly long seconds neither of you said a word. Sam kept looking around and you watched him look around, slowly lowering your mug onto the table and tilting your head slightly to the left. Weird how Sarah had never mentioned the brother believed to be dead for the last five years was this handsome. It is unfair, really. Some people are just naturally gorgeous no matter the shitty kitchen lighting, that tiny confused frown that had been sitting on their face for the last half hour, or those shiny black bugs for eyes tearing up ever so slightly to snitch on a long repressed yawn.

“Now that the drama is over and the Avengers as such are non-existent – have you considered a career in modeling yet?”

Sam snapped his head towards you with such force and speed that for a moment you were afraid you’d have to spend the rest of the afternoon sewing it back on his neck. You grabbed your mug still pretty much filled to the brim with tea and raised it back up to your mouth to hide your lingering half-smile behind a faded portrait of baby Archie on the ivory porcelain.

“Just saying, I would buy anything for this face on the package alone,” you continued with the confidence of a woman who hasn’t got a single drop of shame left in her body. But it was fine ‘cos you didn’t actually mean it, right? It was all just a joke, an attempt at lightening the mood and snapping him out of his puzzled melancholy. And that tiny flutter of your heart upon hearing Sam’s perfect little chuckle was but a momentary malfunction of the organ. The incident was purely physiological. No contribution from any emotional factors. It was simply an innocent coincidence that these two, completely unrelated things had co-occured.

So when your gazes met, you didn’t tear yours away in embarrassment – you stood your ground, completely unaffected and unbothered, ignoring the increasingly hot sensation in your cheeks when you saw Sam raise a cheeky eyebrow at you. Before even more damage could have been done, however, you decided to cut the party short.

“Oh, no. Don’t get your hopes up, Birdman. I simply couldn’t keep watching you in your deeply disturbed state.”

Very, very smooth. Cleared of all suspicion. Good job.

“Wow. Okay. That was cruel,” Sam scoffed and gave emphasis to his words by bringing up his right palm dramatically to his chest, right above his now most definitely broken heart. The overall effect got ruined by an annoyingly goofy grin in the end and before you even realised, you had already reached out for your massive mug again to drown your own erupting smile in the hot liquid.

In the silence that followed, however, you saw Sam’s smile fall ever so slightly, as if exhaustion or worry were holding onto the corners of his lips, physically tugging them down, and you shifted slightly uncomfortably in your seat. It was time you had stopped messing around with the poor guy.

“Look, I know this is weird but I’m sure we can find a solution. Just call Sarah so she can stop worrying now,” you suggested, finishing your tea and pushing the now empty mug to the middle of the table before leaning back in your seat.

“Ugh, yeah,” Sam started slowly, squatting down to get his mobile and the charger out of his massive sports bag. “Can I plug this in somewhere?”

You blinked at him a couple of times while he waited patiently for your answer. You could only imagine the number of missed calls and unread texts waiting for Sam on his phone, but you decided you didn’t know him enough to give him a lecture on behalf of his sister. So you just gave him a tired nod and gestured lazily towards your battered kitchen counter, Sam following your direction with his gaze.

“Above the microwave. Oh, and the socket farthest to the left–”

“–doesn’t work. I remember.” Sam flashed another exhausted but friendly smirk at you above his shoulder, and you allowed yourself to return the gesture to his back once he wasn’t watching.

“Right, sorry. Forgot I was the intruder here,” you joked, delighted to earn another one of those irritatingly lively chuckles of this man’s.

You seriously needed to get your shit together.

“Okay, while your phone is doing its thing, let’s call Sarah from mine, I guess” you continued, jumping up from your chair the moment Sam returned to the table and you headed towards your worn little couch where you scratched Archie gently behind his right ear. “Where have you put my phone, you dirty old man?” You cooed, smiling softly while sliding your hands under the cheap cushions and booping your irritated cat’s tiny nose when your fingers finally touched the cold metal you had been looking for.

Once seated again, you caught Sam staring at Archie, his eyes slightly narrowed in what appeared to be deep concentration. You furrowed your eyebrows and tilted your head, waiting for your uninvited guest to notice you.

“I don’t think your cat likes me too much,” he finally said, slowly tearing his gaze away from the pet feline’s and looking into your slightly more welcoming human eyes instead.

You chuckled dryly, turning around to see Archie in all his glory on the couch. He simply gave you an unbothered look before completely losing interest in the two of you, and he hopped of the couch, slowly making his way towards your bedroom where you knew he would bundle up under your bed on the cosy carpet. He had apparently decided it was time for his beauty sleep.

“Yeah, he’s like that with everyone. Nothing personal,” you assured Sam, who offered a tired half-smile in return. You cleared your throat gently, eyes fixed on your phone’s screen and fingers already searching for Sarah’s number. Once you had found it, you handed it to Sam whose only job left was to press the call button. You raised your eyebrows at him expectantly and he let out a sigh while reaching out for your mobile.

* * *

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to Sarah. Quite the opposite, actually. But he was embarrassed. Sam knew full well how furious his sister was going to be. And honestly, rightfully so. He couldn’t argue with that. After all, she did say there had been something she wanted to talk to him about. And Sam did hang up on her without a passable excuse. And he did let his phone die on his way back home to Louisiana.

Yeah, he most probably wasn't going to be nominated for this year's Brother of the Year award.

Their last call had happened two days before. Two days is a long time without any news from a brother who had just returned after having been believed to be dead for the past five years. And if you had been to ask him, Sam wouldn’t have been able to tell you what had gotten into him either but ever since the Blip, something had not been exactly right. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what was going on, so he hadn’t brought it up to anyone, but his brain felt slow and foggy as if it hadn't had time to catch up yet.

Sometimes, Sam worried that the molecules in his brain had been mixed up and hadn't been put back into their original places in the process of the whole turning-into-dust-and-back-into-human-form-again thing.

It was a silly thought, yes, but with everything going on in the world, would it really be that hard to believe?

"Hey hon! What's up?" Sam's thought process was cut off by the endearing voice of his sister, and though he was aware all this affection was not directed towards him – given that he had called Sarah on your phone – his heart did swell upon hearing her again.

And then he said hi and it all went south from there.

Sarah was obviously pissed.

She asked Sam if he had any idea how many texts and missed calls she had left him, and no, he had no clue but if he had to guess, the number would have been way high up in the double digits.

Then she started going off on Sam, using different kinds of actually very creative euphemisms – which was a problem because Sam got so distracted by his sister's choice of words that her short, well-thought out rant had very little effect on him, but at least he had enough self-respect left to get his sister off speaker at this point.

"Look, Sarah, I know I messed up but I'm fine! I swear," he started, cutting his sister short while subconsciously picking at the skin around the nail on his index finger with his thumb. "What if I stop by Andy's and tell him to give me their best apple pie?" Sam added, hoping this promise would serve as an ice-breaker. Sarah did love her desserts. A lot. And Andy always gave a discount to the Wilson family, too.

When he heard his sister's tired sigh, Sam's heart gave a hopeful flutter, but he was rudely dragged back onto the ground on his way to cloud nine the very next second.

"I'm doing the shopping at the moment. Just got here and it's gonna take long," Sarah replied, annoyance poking through all her words. Then, the tension that had been dominating the pair's call suddenly seemed to evaporate as Sam sensed a weak shadow of a smile in her following sentence. "But that apple pie does sound good."

Sam couldn't help the grin that creeped its way onto his face and he didn't even care about Sarah's semi-serious threat, saying how they were nowhere near finished yet. He muttered out a quick sorry again, promised Sarah to give her regards to you and finished the call with a charming 'I love you' to which his sister replied with a snarky 'I bet' before hanging up with a promise that she would call again when she got home.

Sam let out a relieved chuckle before handing you back your phone and taking the final sip of his slightly lukewarm coffee, watching your bright red-nailed fingers tap away on the device, and he swallowed harder and probably louder than he had meant to. You just happened to put your phone down the very next second, so he tried to cover up the gulp by clearing his throat and shifting his gaze from your nails to your eyes.

Beautiful eyes.

Well shit.

"So, I guess you're staying," you started hesitantly, raising your eyebrows at Sam in a slightly impatient manner, which snapped him out of his blissful thoughts and thrust him back into reality.

Was he staying? He certainly had nowhere to go now that he was practically homeless and his sister was unable to welcome him in her own home for the next two hours, at least. But then again, you were a complete stranger whose afternoon he had just disrupted, and it didn't matter how weird it felt seeing you be so at home in his apartment because it wasn't his anymore. It was yours and you had all the right to kick Sam out and he had absolutely zero right to argue.

But, thankfully, he didn't have to.

"Which is fine, by the way. I did promise you an explanation, after all." Sam couldn't quite ignore the hint of dread behind your words and he was ready to object, to leave you alone and spend the rest of his afternoon doing God-knows-what, but then you offered him another cup of coffee followed by a tiny but honest smile, and Sam just couldn't bring himself to say no.

* * *

Sam Wilson was ridiculously easy to open up to.

It made you want to commit a crime.

His gaze was so intensely warm that after a while, you were looking at everything in your apartment but him just to avoid accidentally trauma dumping on him, especially when you got to the part about group therapy.

Because you had met Sarah at a group therapy session approximately four and a half years before.

It had been clear from the very first minute that neither of you had actually wanted to be there and that both of you had been forced into this situation. Sarah had been dragged to group by an overly enthusiastic co-worker of hers whose crush on the counselor had been probably more intense than the trauma she had suffered – she had lost a dog and her neighbor to the right whom she had always talked shit about behind his back. She was a nice enough woman, but considering that people had lost actual family in the Snap, her presence had always been mostly aggravating, to say the least.

In your case, it had been your grandmother who had bullied you into going to one of the sessions because 'she had the same rotten mentality when Miss Taylor told her to go but then she found it life-changing'. At this point, you had become so indifferent to everything in the world that you hadn't needed much convincing to go. You had told yourself it would be one session anyway after which you would have told Grandma Ethel that 'therapy was simply not for you' and could have been back to your usual Thursday evening routine consisting of a cheap bottle of red wine and depressing reruns of trashy British reality shows from the late 2000s.

The actual sessions had never worked for you. They might have if you had actually spoken up at any of them but you had never become quite ready to talk about your loss in front of a dozen other people, most of whom you had already known. But then you had met Sarah and something about her had made you feel secure, secure enough to talk about them for the first time, so you had started hanging out at a café not too far from the community center and it had become the best thing in your life.

"And the rest is history," you finished, getting up from your chair to put both yours and Sam's mug in the sink and watered your nearby plants while at it.

"I'm really glad Sarah had someone by her side," Sam commented and you could hear a hint of guilt in his words but you decided to ignore it. You simply nodded and muttered out a weak 'yeah', saying you were just as happy to have found a friend like Sarah.

Then Sam said something that made all the muscles in your body tense up and you froze completely for the next couple of seconds.

"And have you seen your family yet? Now that they've come back?"

It was an innocent question. He doesn't know the whole story. So calm down.

You slowly put down the glass you had used earlier to water your plants and tried with every particle in your body to put on the best toothpaste commercial-worthy smile you could force out of yourself before turning back towards Sam and answering his absolutely understandable question.

"Yeah!" No. "They're doing well, actually!" They're fucking dead.

Sam's genuinely happy smile was way too much to handle and if it hadn't been for a call from Sarah, you would have broken down in tears right in front of him the very next moment.

So instead of all that, you decided to turn right back around, pour yourself a huge glass of cold tapwater and down it in one breath while Sam finished his brief conversation with his sister. The stinging pain in your chest that followed was enough to distract your thoughts until he was finally at the door, saying goodbye and thanking your for the coffee and saying sorry for intruding and taking absolutely way too fucking long to finally leave.

"Hey, um... I could give you my number? If you ever need anything or..."

He can't be serious.

"Sure! You can, ugh, put it in my phone," you replied, your hands shaking dangerously as you reached into your back pocket for your mobile and handed it to Sam, who knew better than to comment on it.

Once finished, he returned your phone with one of those irritatingly joyful smiles of his and with a final 'see you around' Sam Wilson was off and you proudly patted yourself on the back for successfully holding it together until you finally reached your couch.

* * *

mini-series taglist – let me know if you want to be added

@softieyn

@mahvericks

@amirahiddleston

@fireghost-x

@samuelthomaswillson

@itsnottilly

@loveyhoneydovey

@songofcosplay

@titaniumstark

@falcons-wings

@claudiaatje

@srodulvroux

@annathesillyfriend

@lokiandbuckylove

mcu taglist – join here

@babymango-writes

@softieyn

@spencereidisabicon

@whutisthus

@katethecrazy

@swanimagines

@amirahiddleston

@remusflirts

@musicallisto

@skinny-bitch-juice

@teti-menchon0604

@anon-2837282

@sarai-ibn-la-ahad

@heart-eyes-horan

@lxncelot

@amortensie

@claudiaatje

@gimmelovepls

@raven-emxralds

@whovianayesha

@the-jess-life

[coffeeandspn]

I’m really, really sorry...

GIF is not mine.

Summary: Castiel hates to celebrate his birthday, and Dean knows that, but he thinks that Cas needs to let go his past, so he surprises him anyways. Things don’t go as planned, and they have a big fight.

Pairing: Eileen x Sam Winchester, maybe Human!Castiel x Dean Winchester 

A/N: I’ll write some ACTUAL Destiel scenes only if u guys like this first part and want me to write a second chapter, because there are no mentions of Dean and Castiel having another relationship than just best friends, nor there are mentions on they having feelings for each other, simply because it didn’t fit with the situation..

Rating: Teen and Up.

Warnings: angst, unhappy ending, Dean is an asshole, Castiel is depressed, physical abuse, blood, fights, Castiel’s father is an abusive and drunken asshole, homophobia, language

Words: 1972

It was done. There was no way of coming back in time to change it. Dean was sitting on the kitchen floor, alone. All the lights were out except for a faint one, everybody was sleeping, and there he was… By himself. His sobs were the only thing that filled the silence of the night, and he swore, he could hear Castiel sobbing as well. That made him feel even more miserable.  He blamed himself over and over again for his stupid mouth. Couldn’t he just, shut up for one time? No, he had to ruin everything. All the damn time. Sam gave him a disappointed look before going to bed, and Eileen gave him a pity one. Castiel had left like 30 minutes before that, and the look on his face… Dean didn´t even want to remember the way Cas looked at him before storming out of the kitchen, with tears on his face. He went directly to his room, slamming the door. Everyone was silent for a minute or two. Dean didn´t know what to say. 

He felt and still feels like an idiot. How could he be so heartless? Why on Earth did Dean think that saying that Castiel was acting just like his father was a good idea? On his goddamn birthday!? Dean was definitely an asshole.

Castiel was doing the best he could, but by the time Dean realized that, it was already too late.

He knew Cas felt tired and sad, that the memories will haunt him forever, he knew basically everything about him, they´ve been friends for over 10 years, but Dean thought that maybe, it was time to let that horrible memory go. He thought that it was time for Cas to actually start living the life he always deserved; a great one.

But Dean doesn’t know shit about how Cas really feels. Because his mother had a great life, and his father wasn´t an abusive asshole, unlike Castiel´s parents. Dean´s family was the typical perfect one, the kind of family everyone wanted.

On his 13th birthday, Castiel´s dad, Chuck, beat his wife to exhaustion because he discovered that his younger son Castiel, was gay, and no one said a word to him. Plus, he was a drunken, a horrible husband and an even more horrible father. He blamed Castiel´s mother because he claimed that ‘’That little faggot bastard came out of YOUR vagina and you raised him to be like that, not me, you fucking whore! Look what you did with my son! He can´t even be my son anymore, not if he likes to suck fucking dicks!’’ His brothers, Gabriel and Michael, that were 16 and 18 by that time, tried to stop him, but Chuck was way stronger than them. Castiel was terrified, he couldn´t even move. When he was done, and had left his mother unconscious on the bloody floor, he tried to catch Castiel, but he luckily reacted quickly and started running as fast as he could. He escaped his house and started screaming for help, which worked, because a few neighbors came out of their houses, and called the police when they realized what was happening. After all, that wasn´t the first fight of the family and Castiel was sure the cops had their address memorized at that point.

The police arrived minutes after, one of the neighbors let Castiel in to their house while Chuck was busy trying to get his drunk ass up from the floor because he fell while he was running behind his son, trying to catch him.

That´s when Castiel met the Winchesters, and that´s when Dean and Castiel´s great friendship started.

The ambulance arrived as well and they took his mother to the hospital as fast as they could. She fell on a coma after that. His father went to prison and killed himself after spending barely six months in there.

Castiel, Michael and Gabriel were sent to an orphanage after that, and visited their mother (and the Winchester family) every day. As they grew older, and their responsibilities bigger, they stopped seeing their mother that often. She never gave any signal of improvement, or waking up, and their hopes started fading. After ten years of being in coma, not even breathing for herself anymore, they painfully decided it was time to let her go.

Today was Castiel´s 25th birthday, the 12th anniversary of his family officially breaking apart, and in two months, the 2nd anniversary of the official death of his mother.

That´s why Castiel hated to celebrate his birthday so much, but Dean insisted on making a surprise dinner for his best friend, alongside with some decorations around the house.

Castiel was drunk when he came home. His clothes and hair were messy, and he smelled like alcohol and cigarettes.

When he saw the decorations, he started swearing and yelling that he didn´t want any of that shit. Sam and Eileen managed to calm him down, and Sam helped him to take a shower, because he could barely walk.

When he sat down at the table to eat, he was incredibly quiet.

Dean, as always, was trying to make things better, so he started talking about his day, and then asked Castiel about his.

‘’How do you think my day went, Dean?’’

‘’I mean… I don´t know, that´s exactly why I´m asking.’’

‘’Well, it was trash. I saw the bloody body of my mother in every corner of my mind the entire fucking day, but thank you for asking though, dumbass.’’

Dean frowned at the insult.

‘’Wow, ok, I´m sorry if your life isn´t perfect, but that´s not my fault and you know it, buddy, so don´t come at me like that, I was just trying to be nice and break the tension in here.’’

Castiel let go the cutlery abruptly and look at him furiously.

‘’If you were trying so hard to be nice, you would´ve started by not doing any of this shit in the first place, because this is no special, nor happy day to me, and you fucking know that!’’

‘’Man, it´s been twelve years! You´ve got to stop tormenting yourself with what happened that day all the time! Do you really want to live your whole life like this? Depressed?’’

‘’Dean…’’ Sam tried to interrupt, but clearly failed when Castiel interrupted him instead.

‘’Are you fucking kidding me, Dean? Do you think I like living like this every damn day? I try so hard to get over it, you have no idea, but it´s impossible when the image of my fucking father physically abusing me, my brothers and my mother, comes to my mind and even haunts me in my fucking dreams all the time!’’

‘’Cas, I know what you´ve been through, but…’’ Dean tried talking softer this time, but that only made Castiel angrier.

‘’NO YOU FUCKING DON´T!’’ He screamed, punching the table and breaking his plate and his glass.

Everyone in the table jumped in surprise and concern. Again, Sam tried to calm things down, but he couldn´t.

‘’Your family was always perfect, your father wasn´t an asshole and your mother lived ‘til you were 20, she was with you through childhood, took care of you, you were able to go to the games with your dad and enjoy a family picnic, so don´t you dare say that you know what I´ve been through, because you absolutely don´t! I´ve been through hell and back and tried to recover millions of times from this, but I just can´t, and you don´t know what real pain is like.’’

Dean got angry as well. Castiel was treating him like he was some sort of perfect commercial guy, and he wasn´t.

‘’You think my life was always perfect? You don´t think my parents had some fights from time to time? You think I don´t know what it feels like losing someone you love, and that should be with you until you´re at least 40 years old? I´ve lost my mom at a pretty young age compared to other people, Castiel!’’

‘’I´ve lost her when I was 13 years old, Dean! And the stupid fights your parents had from ‘time to time’ are NOTHING compared to what I had to witness! Stop trying to minimize my problems with yours, you have no right!’’ At this point, both Dean and Castiel were yelling. Castiel took the already broken glass while he was speaking and threw it, making it break in thousands of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

‘’You´re acting like an insane, just like your father!’’ Dean yelled. The room went silent.

Castiel´s expression changed from angry to hurt in a matter of seconds.

Sam was hugging Eileen tight, trying to protect her in case things got even more out of control.

Castiel´s blue eyes seemed to be even bluer when the tears started accumulating.

His fist loosened, dropping more small pieces of broken glass to the floor, along with a few drops of blood.

A tear came out of his left eye and rolled down his cheeks. He turned away and disappeared.

Sam and Eileen started cleaning up the mess without saying anything, while Dean was still there, trying to process what just happened.

After it was all clean again, the decorations in the garbage can, and the food in the fridge, Sam said ‘’Dude, you´re an actual asshole, you know that, right? I told you this whole thing was a bad idea. You should’ve known, Dean, you guys are best friends since you´re thirteen…  I really hope you go and apologize to him soon. Good night.’’

Sam gave him a disappointed look, and Eileen a pity one. They turned off the lights in their way to their bedroom, leaving just one on.

Dean dropped to the floor devastated, already crying. He couldn´t believe what just happened. After ten minutes of panicking, having no idea how to apologize for the monstrous thing he said, crying and sobbing, he decided to look out for Castiel. He needed to fix this right now. He had no idea if Cas was ever going to forgive him. He hoped he will at some point…

He knocked on Cas’s door, obviously not receiving an answer. After two minutes, he knocked again. Nothing. He sighed, and started talking.

‘’Look, Cas… There’s absolutely nothing I can do right now for you to forgive me, but… I just want you to hear me, please?’’ Dean waited for a response, or for Cas to open the door, but none of those things happened. ‘’Alright, I´ll just start talking from here… I hope you can hear me… I- I wasn’t thinking, man. I´m really, really sorry for what I´ve said, I´m an asshole… I honestly have no excuses, and even if I had, it´s not going to work anyways. I just want you to know that I´m so sorry, I mean it… I hope you can forgive me someday, I… I really don´t want to lose you. Not after all we´ve been through…’’ Dean sobbed, and waited for… Well, anything. A sob, a move, a word. But he couldn´t hear anything at all.

‘’Cas? Man, are you okay?’’

After waiting outside his door for five minutes, he decided to come in.

‘’Hey, dude, I´m coming in, okay? I´m… You´re worrying me…’’

Dean got into the room, only to find Castiel’s window wide open, and the curtain moving softly because of the breeze of the night.

‘’Cas!? Where are you?’’ He started looking everywhere, screaming his name desperately, but couldn´t find him.

Sam and Eileen got up, and asked Dean what was going on.

Dean, with tears in his eyes, and a heavy breath, turned around and looked at the couple.

‘’He´s- He´s gone. I found his window wide open, and I don´t know where he is.’’

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

In Defense of Fat Thor

I not only enjoyed Thor’s portrayal in Endgame, but found it to be a productive and well-developed(/acted, DAMN, Chris Hemsworth) characterization that has been steadily building up across each consecutive movie. Caveat: I do not fault anyone for being skeptical that the directors, etc. had it in them, considering the clunky nature of some of their previous creations, to say nothing of some of their interviews, etc. I am also not 100% surprised to see people maligning Fat Thor, and/or saying they don’t understand his trajectory and/or that they felt some of the humor at his expense took away from the legitimacy of having a fat, depressed, anxious character able to accomplish the same feats as when he had more physical prowess, etc. I disagree with this as well, in part because Fat Thor feels very personal to me, though not exclusively, and at the very least would like to propose a reading of many of the scenes in Endgame that offers a considerably more well-intentioned and good faith portrayal of Thor, with my own caveat that at least the anti-Ragnarok people using Fat Thor to further their agenda that Thor’s characterization sucks because Chris Hemsworth and Taika Waititi spent each day on set shaking Tom Hiddleston down for his lunch money and laughing at their own fart jokes are still wrong, which balances out everything else, because balance is still important, even if Thanos’ fuckboy interpretation of it is ridiculous. Anywho, apologies in advance for how messy this ends up being, I feel like my thoughts are very roundabout right now, but getting it out of my system will really help.

Thor has been ~emotionally fat~ for a while now, folks. As far back as Thor (2011), we see him disassociating, aka spending at least a few moments staring off into space in the midst of dealing with sudden upheaval, often because his angry outbursts have failed to be satisfying or get him what he wants/needs. One of the things that made me so excited to see a physical fallout to this in the MCU is that it actually ties into a bunch of other canons, too, including a recent spell in the comics leading up to the War of the Realms, wherein Odin sort of admits to his own role in breaking Thor, as far back as being “too drunk” to be there for his birth, as well as his being dubbed the God of Thunder because baby Thor used to wail whenever there was a storm, and Odin used to make fun of him for it because you don’t get a #4 Best All-Father coffee cup from your kids for nothing. @thishereanakinguy and I are even reworking parts of our Thorki paper for publication to put forth even more evidence that the pressure on Thor to be the Golden Child was too much, and that he’s been unraveling for a long time.

Again, none of these reactions to turmoil are new for Thor, though it’s fascinating that the conversation between Frigga and Thor in Endgame is largely focused on her assuring her son that it’s okay for him to fail, and/or for him to delegate tasks (there’s a recent comic that’s gone viral where Mister Rogers visits with Thor, and it has a similar bent), or realize that he has to shift his perspective on Who He Is. In part, it’s lowkey hilarious that Frigga, aka “send Loki some soup and some library books he’ll enjoy after our big fight because I still love that little asshole, never mind that he’ll probably receive them after she has been killed omfg,” is so blatantly ignoring Odin’s decrees to basically withhold basic affection from their children so that they’ll toughen up on their own, because fuck that noise. At the same time, Frigga imparts words that Thor (and Loki) should have heard and taken to heart a long time ago, and it’s painful to realize that Thor has felt as though he hasn’t been allowed to express his feelings, but so God damned great that that’s what Frigga hones in on. Notably, Thor isn’t trying to botch his trip to 2013 Asgard, either; he has a panic attack when he and Rocket arrive, and Frigga sneaks up on him because Frigga knows her babies no matter how much they are made of pizza or in Loki’s case magical artifacts. (Sarah read something saying that in households where the Golden Child and Black Sheep co-exist, statistically it’s common for the Golden Child to turn to alcohol and food, whereas the Black Sheep is more likely to turn to drugs/more illicit substances wherein they opt not to feel their feelings as much, and I was really floored by that because that really fits a couple of different scenarios that I’m familiar with for one reason or another.)

SO ANYWAY, we see Thor disassociating in previous movies. In TDW, even Odin comments on Thor’s confused heart, which Thor assures him has nothing to do with Jane Foster, even though it would be very easy for him to pretend he’s not actively thinking about Loki a thousand times a day and spending so much time stalking Heimdall and the broken Bifrost remnants that dude is like holy fuck please talk to your kid or I am going to commit treason again so hard. Thor reaches out to Odin for guidance/arguably comfort once Frigga dies, and his inability to provide either sends Thor immediately to Loki, who at the very least can help him properly realize the revenge he seeks, while also saving Jane. In Ragnarok, we get that great moment where Loki is talking directly to Thor, and Thor simply stares straight ahead; Loki doesn’t seem all that surprised by it either - he and Thor have different triggers and whatnot, but he knows the emo fuck who ends up at his cell in a fucking black poncho and handcuffs isn’t a new creation by any means, and he is into it fwiw. Even stuff like Korg admitting at the end of Ragnarok he carried around Miek’s presumably dead body because he felt so bad that he was dead warrants a little nod of understanding from Thor. Likewise, we see Thor stress-eating a bowl of bread at the beginning of Endgame, before the focus on his weight became a thing. Thor doesn’t run outside to see Tony Stark come home; whenever possible, he’s barely there, even before his five-year hiatus.

The use of well-placed humor in a three-hour sob fest does not seem all that weird to me. Shakespeare does it in all of his tragedies; and to continue this egregious metaphor, a lot of his comedies contain tragic bits, aka loss of family identity, which is arguably something that underpins how good Ragnarok is, as well. Being able to laugh at stuff has always been very important for me personally, though I realize it’s not for everyone. Still, I think there’s an additional caveat with Endgame regarding who the ‘fat jokes’ are coming from, aka arguably all of the Avengers have their own significant traumas to work through even before The Snap, and are also just trying to survive, even if they seem to fare physically better than Thor at this particular point in time. So Tony Stark calls him “Lebowski”; but as soon as the musical cues and Hemsworth’s amazing acting switches over into Thor being triggered by thoughts of all that he’s lost only minutes later, we see Tony, who canonically has major issues with being touched, putting his hand on Thor’s shoulder and allowing himself to be grabbed and held because he knows that is what Thor needs from him. Bruce, too, has to set a boundary for his own personal safety about being grabbed, but still gives in to Thor’s need for physical touch. One of the tragic touchstones of Ragnarok is that Thor doesn’t touch Loki once, even though in the first two Thor films and Avengers 1, he is constantly pawing at him. Thor wants to make a point in Ragnarok that he has decided he must let Loki go if that’s what Loki truly wants, and so he withholds his own instinct for physical contact - which Loki gives back to him, however briefly, in Infinity War by knocking Thor out of the way of Thanos and the Tesseract, to say nothing of how all Thor can do when he arrives at Loki’s corpse is to mewl and cling and bury his head and wait for everything to explode, himself included.

In any case, the other 'fat jokes’ come from Rocket, well established as being caustic in the face of personal tragedy, and having been put in the position even back in Infinity War of sort of making sure Thor keeps going, and Rhodey, who is probably just trying to deal with all these new people hanging around, and the fact that all of the structure in his life pretty much has been upended in a really short amount of time. Regarding Frigga’s “eat a salad” remark, as his mom, she seems to understand how much his physicality comes into play for him, and how devastating it is for him to see how others react to him seeming both physically and emotionally diminished. This is why it’s so powerful for him to still be 'worthy’ of Mjolnir, I think, and why that moment book-ended Frigga’s admonishment. Likewise, we don’t get a suspiciously fast glow-up wherein Thor’s all muscley again. He has to hold his own against Thanos in his current form, and he fucking does. Sometimes, life happens, and you have to respond to it as you are because you don’t have the time or energy to get everything in order first, and so you do the best you can. IMO, Thor did a pretty fucking good job.

I also find it completely understandable that Thor went off with the Guardians at the end of the film. (P.S.: Peter Quill is still absolutely intimidated by Fat Thor.) For one thing, I don’t think he’s going to stop trying to find a way to bring Loki back, regardless of what Clint said about the Soul Stone’s magic not being able to be reversed. For another, Valkyrie deserves her own glow-up into becoming Queen of New Asgard, as much as Sam deserves to be the new Cap. I’m of the mindset that Steve likely wouldn’t have gone back in time to be with Peggy if Tony had lived, and that doing so was him honoring Tony’s legacy by taking the advice that he gives several times in the film to go and live life while you have it. Likewise, as sad as it is for Tony to have died, I’m not sure he would have been able to rest, post-Thanos. You also can’t tell me for a second he hasn’t left all sorts of little messages and trinkets and whatnot around for his loved ones to find, cough AI Tony in Peter’s next suit or something cough.

Overall, I thought Endgame was a good send-off. It was well-acted, well-scripted, beautifully scored (Thor’s Pink Panther-esque theme when he’s trying to explain the Aether is amazeballs, as well as the theme that plays when everybody gets to the battlefield), and really just surprisingly, suspiciously good. I am glad that if we have to see this leg of the MCU end that it did so in such a way as to leave character arcs open to further interpretation, and I’m legitimately excited for a lot of them. While I don’t think everybody is required to be fake-positive all of the time, I do think that in fandom spaces, if one’s sole focus is how disappointing something is all the time, it’s not a productive or soul-enhancing use of one’s energy, and it makes me sad to see it. Nuance is important; the MCU has more of it than it’s given credit for having, and I hope more people realize that as it continues into Phase 4, or at the very least, that they find something they enjoy and keep coming along for the ride.

[iamanartichoke]

Responses to Anons. Some of these are a couple of days old and got lost in my inbox, sorry! 

ENDGAME SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. 

Yeah, I find it very ironic that he was so disdainful of her drinking and running away from her problems in Ragnarok, only to end up doing the same thing. The film really missed the boat on that parallel because they could have explored how their dynamic would change once Thor had a new understanding for what Val lost and, likewise, Val could have helped Thor to recover since she’s been there and knows what it’s like and was able to turn herself around. So much potential wasted. I guess it was more important to show Thor playing video games with Korg and Miek, though. 

I think that the Russos + CH were expecting this Thor to be just as much of a hit as Ragnarok Thor was. The fandom has very strong opinions about Ragnarok and the OOC-ness of everyone and how Thor changes, which is another topic, but for the general audience, Ragnarok was a huge success and most people loved the “new Thor.” I think they got overly confident riding that wave and took it to a whole new level here, but it backfired because this Thor simply isn’t the *same* Thor as he was in Ragnarok. In Ragnarok, he hadn’t yet lost everything. He could afford to be comical because it wasn’t disrespectful of anything (except the previous canon Thor but, again, another topic). Here, they’re using the comedic route as a means to portraying Thor’s PTSD and deep depression, which carries with it unpleasant implications about these conditions as deserving to be mocked. The narrative is saying, “Thor went through hell and didn’t handle it properly and now we’re going to mock him for his coping strategies because we think it will be funny.” It’s incredibly offensive to a lot of people who struggle with these same issues and don’t view them as a joke. Some people thought Thor was hilarious, but it seems that just as many, or more, are really bothered and offended by it. So, yeah. I’m hoping the latter group is more vocal than the former and that CH gets knocked down a few pegs. (I read an article somewhere, and I forget where now or I’d link, but it more or less confirmed that CH had a LOT to do with this Thor’s portrayal.) 

Kind of? He fights pretty impressively in the final battle against Thanos, but since it’s such a huge battle with so much going on, he’s not the focal point and doesn’t have any cool moments like his entrance in Wakanda in IW. After the battle, I think that his acknowledgement of Valkyrie having been “regent” all this time, leading the people while Thor buried himself in his man cave, and subsequently officially giving her the throne, is meant to show that Thor is ready to embark on a new journey that doesn’t involve alcohol or video games, but, it’s pretty underwhelming. 

I am really hoping that this is the direction that the show takes, although I’d want him to explore other realms instead of just Earth. I think, though, that the post-Avengers, pre-TDW Loki is a potential goldmine of character exploration, and we all know Tom would knock it out of the park. I think by this point it’s been established that Canon Loki, the one who died in IW, still has his own timeline intact and we haven’t lost all of his development and the events in TDW. With that intact, I would be interested to see an “Alternate Universe” Loki and see how they explore his redemption in that scenario. So, I mean, the more I think about this, the more I really think it could be a good development for Loki. 

I honestly think that Steve’s ending is complete bullshit. For one thing, as established in the Agent Carter series, Peggy moved on after Steve. She grieved him, yes, but a lot of the first season of that show explored her feelings about him, her grieving process, and her ultimately saying goodbye to Steve and gaining closure. In season two, she has moved on. She is building a career, she’s finally gained the respect of her colleagues (who previously kept shitting on her bc she’s a woman), and she starts a new romance. I think it’s really disrespectful to just toss all of that aside, especially since the movie is blatantly acknowledging that Agent Carter was a thing by having James D’Arcy reprise his role as Jarvis. 

Peggy already earned her own happy ending. She loved Steve, yes, but loving and losing people is a part of life. She grieved her loss, moved on, and had a life and a family. I don’t buy that Steve was her husband all along, which I think is what the movie is saying. It doesn’t make sense whatsoever. It just seems like a total clusterfuck. 

Peggy’s life aside, though, I really don’t believe that Steve would even want to go back in the first place. It feels OOC because it is OOC. Steve’s entire journey has been about him adjusting to being in the present now. He acknowledges that his own time period has passed, and he tries to make a home for himself in this new time period. Furthermore, he literally went to the ends of the Earth and back to save Bucky and to keep Bucky safe after the fact. He developed a genuine friendship with Sam. He had a place with the Avengers. I don’t buy for one second that he would just abandon all of that, not to mention that he would be going back to a past where he knows that HDYRA has infiltrated SHIELD, that Bucky is alive and being brainwashed and tortured, and he wouldn’t do anything about it. It’s one thing to know that you can’t change anything that’s happened in the past; if he saves Bucky, all he’s doing is creating an alternate timeline where Bucky isn’t the Winter Soldier. Canon Bucky would still suffer. So, I get that - but, I find it incredibly hard to believe that he would live happily during a time period where he knows that is actively going on and he can’t do anything about it. I think the guilt of it would eat him alive. “It’s 1960, Bucky’s being tortured, what do you think of these new TV dinner things, should we get new curtains in the parlor?” Like????? It makes NO SENSE. It’s not a satisfying conclusion to his arc. So, tl;dr: I hate it. 

Thank you for the asks! I’m pretty sure I’ve answered everything I’ve gotten, but if I missed something, let me know. 

[ladywinchester1967]

Made to Be Broken: Part IX

Warnings: GENDER REVEAL, feels, fluff, SMUT, body image issues, language, childbirth (nothing too graphic), postpartum depression, Dad!Dean. 

A/N: This is it!! Here it finally is, the last chapter in Made to Be Broken! Thank you so much! All, of you, it has truly been a fun ride writing this, especially when it was just supposed to be a one shot!! It’s because of you guys who love Dean and Julianna that this grew to be as big as it did. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being so supportive and loving these characters as much as I do!!

Worried you missed something? Coming in just now?

CATCH UP HERE!!

»»————-　✼　————-««

The technician moved the instrument around and finally got a clear shot. She clicked and paused, showing them two very distinct peanuts. She did another click and they heard loud, rapid, thumping.

“That’s the heart beats,” the technician told them “it’s hard to hear, but there are two of them.”

Julianna’s hand clapped over her mouth and she looked at Dean who was pale as a ghost.

“Twins.” He said simply and the technician nodded and took a few more pictures and measurements.

“I’m gonna have the doctor look over everything and she’ll be in to see you in just a few moments.” The technician said as the pictures printed and she got up. Once she was gone, Julianna sat up and asked Dean

“Are you okay?”

His mind was blank all he could ask was

“How?”

Julianna bit her lip and asked

“Are you mad?”

He shook his head, seeming to come to his senses.

“No,” he told her “no, I could never be mad at you about this sweetheart.” He held her face in his hands “It’s just,” he paused “this is so much good all at one time.”

“You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop aren’t you?” She asked and he nodded.

“I hate to be the pessimist here.” He said

“No, I feel the same way.” She told him, her hands on his wrists “We’ve already been through so much and NOW suddenly things seem to be coming up roses?”

He nodded again as the door opened and Anna came through it.

“Julianna,” she said pleasantly “good to see you as always. I’m guessing this is Dean?”

“Yeah, this is him.” Julianna said and Dean shook Anna’s hand as they both had a seat.

“So after looking over everything, it looks like you and the babies are in perfect health.” Anna told her as she held the file open “Your levels are normal for this stage of your pregnancy, the babies heartbeats are strong, they’re measuring nice and big which is also good. The only thing I want to recommend is taking a iron supplement along with your prenatal vitamins. Your iron levels are less than what I’d like to see, but other than that, you can keep doing what you’re doing.”

“How did this happen?” Julianna asked “I mean, we’re excited, don’t get us wrong but it seems just SO out of the blue.”

Anna nodded and said

“I understand your hesitation, since we found out, what last year that it would be difficult for you to get pregnant?” Julianna and Dean nodded and Anna went on “From a doctor’s stand point, I’m blown away. You two literally struck gold and oil and then hit the jackpot all at once.” She continued with a smile “But everything looks great, better than great actually. If there was anything I was worried about or anything you should be cautious of, I would tell you right away.”

“So, just enjoy it is what you’re telling us?” Julianna asked with a smile.

“Relax as best as you can,” Anna said “your doctor recommended you stopping your ADD medicine, which is good. If there’s ever anything you guys are worried about, you can always call us.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

Weeks later; after revealing the exciting news of the pregnancy to both of their families, everyone showed up for the gender reveal party, which was held at Dean and Julianna’s house. The theme of the party was “Witch or Wizard?” They were told to wear their Harry Potter house colors and picked out a pin when they arrived based on if they thought the baby was a boy or a girl. Julianna, Dean and Claire were wearing their Gryffindor gold and scarlet red, Alexis and Sam wore Ravenclaw blue and silver, Jody and Mary wore black and yellow Hufflepuff while John and Joel wore Slytherin green and silver. Their friends filtered in wearing their House colors and picking pins that read “Witch” and “Wizard” on them. They’d decided to keep the fact that they were having twins a secret until the gender was revealed.

“This is the biggest, most difficult secret I’ve ever kept, including when we started dating.” Julianna had told Dean that morning.

“But think of the LOOK on everyone’s faces when they find out.” Dean had assured her “You’re gonna love it and so will they.”

The only person that knew they were having twins and what the gender was, was Benny. He was by far the hardest nut to crack. Julianna found a Sorting Hat online and had given Benny the sonogram that read the babies genders.

“We don’t know what they are,” Julianna explained “so you have to put the potion bottles under the hat.” She handed Benny a box that had six potions bottles in it; three full of pink and the other three full of blue.

“What the hell in in there?” Benny asked

“Soap,” Julianna told him “dyed it with my own two hands.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

In the present day, the Sorting Hat was sitting on an upside down box with a piece of parchment paper attached to it. On it were the words “Only the Sorting Hat can see, boy or girl, what will it be?” With the word “girl” in pink and the word “boy” in blue. When it was time to reveal, Julianna and Dean stepped up to the box and waited for everyone to gather round. Julianna looked at Dean, grinning from ear to ear, he wore a pin that read “Wizard” while Julianna’s read “Witch.”

“I’m so excited,” she told Dean quietly.

“I am too,” He told her and kissed her forehead “I can’t believe this is real.”

“Me neither.” She told him as she held his hand.

“Everyone ready?” Dean asked, turning his head to their guests. Their friends and family cheered; according to the marker board they had sitting up on the drink table to take a tally of the gender, they seemed to be neck and neck, the guests waited with bated breath.

“Okay, on three.” Dean said as he placed his hand on the hat.

Julianna did the same as people squawked for them to wait so that they could get a good picture. Julianna braced herself and then said

“Three.”

“Two,” Dean said excitedly

“One.” They said at the same time and pulled the hat up.

Sitting under the hat was a pink and a blue potion bottle and everyone cheered excitedly, but a few people looked confused and then gasped. Julianna cried out in surprise

“WHAT?!” someone yelled from the back

“It’s TWINS!” someone else yelled.

It took a second and it finally sank in; everyone was cheering, some were crying and everyone rushed to hug and congratulate them.

»»————-　✼　————-««

That evening, Julianna finished putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when Dean walked into the kitchen.

“Damn it Juju,” he said “I was gonna get those!”

“I took care of it!” She insisted as she turned to face him “I feel fine, I was just trying to help!”

He sighed and walked over to her

“I can’t leave you alone when there’s housework can I?” He asked as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She leaned against the kitchen counter and shook her head.

“No.” she said

He kissed her forehead and asked

“Would you just take it easy? Please?”

“I am,” She told him “I didn’t put the chairs away like I wanted to AND I didn’t dump the cooler out like I wanted to.”

He kissed her and said

“I’d prefer if you didn’t do ANYTHING and just let me do it.”

“Why?” She asked, cocking her head to the side as she studied his face, laying her hands on his waist.

He chewed on his lip, choosing his words carefully before he spoke.

“I just worry about you,” he said “and the kids. That’s all.”

An easy smile crossed her face and she kissed him.

“You heard the doctor, I can do everything I did before I was pregnant. I checked and the only things I’m not allowed to do are jump on trampolines, drink alcohol, eat sushi or smoke crack.”

He laughed and said

“Well, there went our weekend plans.”

“Right?” She asked with a grin “Dishes are easy, it relaxes me. I may be elbow deep in soapy water, but in my head, I’m somewhere completely different.”

“Like when I caught you washing the skillet this morning?” He asked and she nodded

“Yup, I was in Scotland with Jamie Fraser and you RUINED it, you jerk!” She said kissed him. “Besides, I have more important things for you to handle.”

“Oh?” He asked as she slid her hands up and down his arms “Such as?”

Her tongue slid against his bottom lip and he opened up his mouth to let her in. Her tongue danced with his as she took one of his hands in hers and guided it to the waistband of her shorts. She felt him smile through their kiss as her tongue returned to her mouth.

“Mh,” he said and kissed her again “I think I can handle that.” He quickly untied her shorts and slipped his hand down into them. His finger tips grazed across her wet, swollen clit and she moaned into his mouth. “Fuck sweetheart, you’re ready for me?”

She let out a short laugh and said

“You get close, I smell you and I’m ready to jump your fucking bones.”

He grinned and kissed her slower this time

“Gonna have to remember that.” He said as he slipped his fingers inside her soaking panties, making her moan. She playfully bit his lower lip and he slid two fingers inside her as she cried out against his mouth.

“Deeeean,” she moaned as he pushed his fingers deeper inside her “oh fuck!”

“Like that sweetheart?” He cooed to her as he used his other hand to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Yes,” she moaned, he hooked his fingers inside her as she threw her head back, crying out “oh, like that.”

“Like this?” He asked and hooked his fingers again, she dug her nails into his shoulders, crying out again.

“Yes, oh god! Just like that.” She moaned, kissing him again “Dean, I want more. Give me more, please.”

“More?” He asked innocently “More than this?” He asked and sheathed his fingers fully inside her as she whined.

“Yes, please!” She begged

“Show me sweetheart,” he said in a husky tone “show me how bad you want it.”

She tugged her shirt up and off of her head, setting it aside as she pulled him close and peppered kisses all around the base of his neck and up to his pulse point, where she bit down on it, making him growl.

“Fuck,” he moaned in her ear and he bit down on the shell of her ear “upstairs, now.”

He pulled his hand out of her shorts and she scampered up the stairs as he shut off all the lights, checked the doors and set the alarm. When he was satisfied with his sweep, he went upstairs to find her waiting for him in their bedroom. As he shut the door behind him, he turned and watched as she unhooked her bra and cast it aside. He bit his lip as she shimmied out of her shorts and then crossed the room to her as she got up on to the bed and he followed after her. He quickly undressed as he heatedly kissed.

“How do you want it?” he asked

“Get behind me,” she told him as she turned over “I like that.”

He grinned and quickly finished taking his clothes off before he parted her legs further and pushed inside her, both of the groaning.

“Fuck sweetheart,” he said “you’re so fucking wet!”

“Keep going!” She cried out as he slammed into her, making her cry out loudly as he gripped her hips. The obscene sound of skin hitting skin filled the room as he railed into her. He tried to flip her on to her back but she resisted. He bent over her, kissing and biting her shoulders “I want to see your face when you come.”

“No,” she told him in a whining tone. He stopped moving and she looked back at him “Why’d you stop?” She asked

“Come on sweetheart, you know how much I like that.” he said and pouted

“No, I'm fat and gross.” she told him.

His mouth dropped open

“Sweetheart!” he exclaimed as he felt a flash of anger run through him. “Where the hell did you get that from?”

“Just get over it and fuck me.”  she told him.

“No,” he told her and pulled out of her “not until you tell me where that insane idea came from.”

“I know how I look okay?” She snapped, still refusing to turn over “I’m nasty.”

“You are not and I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.” He told her, his anger growing “I don’t talk about you like that and no one else is allowed to talk about you like that, including you.”

Now she was mad, she just wanted to finish what they’d started, not launch into an episode of Dr. Phil.

“Fine, just forget about it.” She snapped, climbed out of bed and gathered up her clothes.

“Bee,” Dean said, exasperated “come back to bed.”

“No, just leave me alone!” She yelled at him and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Dean got dressed and waited a while before he went to look for her. He found her in the guest bedroom that had been his recovery room after his knee injury. He quietly walked to the door and could hear her crying.

It felt like an ice pick got jabbed through his heart; he hated when she cried. He quietly opened the door and made his way to the bed where he crawled in beside her. Without argument, she let him fold his arms around her; his chest to her back, and he kissed the top of her head. He held her until she calmed down enough to talk to him, which was quiet a while, but he didn’t mind.

“It’s just-“ she started as she mopped her face up with a tissue. She blew he nose and then went on “I’m getting so big! I’m sweaty, cranky and horny all at the same time. I’ve got like twelve chins and I have no energy to work out like I used to. My clothes don’t fit and my ass jiggles like a fucking bowl of Jell-O when I walk. It’s disgusting, I’m disgusting, and how I can even get you to fuck me is beyond me. Not when you have all these hot girls sending you nudes on fucking Instagram and commenting on your pictures about how hot you are and how bad they wanna fuck you!”

There it was, he thought, there was the root of her insecurity. He'd had an Instagram long before they ever got together and when they went public with their relationship, they started posting pictures of them together and the progression of their relationship. He'd gotten girl's numbers before, but once he and Julianna were thrust into the spotlight, the painful glare of public life brought out, seemingly the worst people imaginable. Now it was Dean's turn to be mad but he bit his tongue.

“Here,” He said “sit up for me.”

He released her and turned on the lamp by the side of the bed that he was on. She struggled to sit up, but when she did, he got a good look at her face. It was tinged with red from her crying so much, as were her eyes. He smiled tenderly at her and brushed her hair out of her eyes with his fingers.

“I need you to listen to me,” He said gently “can you do that for me?”

She nodded, her lips in a pout.

“I don’t care if you have twelve HUNDRED chins or that your ass jiggles when you walk,” he told her She opened her mouth to say something, but he gently pressed a finger to her lips “Can I finish? Please?” He asked. She nodded and shut her mouth as he went on “You’re carrying not just one, but two miracle babies in your body. You’re gonna change and that’s okay, you wanna know why?”

“Sure.” She said with a shrug

“Because that means you and the kids are healthy.” He said “THAT is what I care about. Not how much you sweat or how cranky you get. I don’t think you’re disgusting, not even a little bit. I definitely don't care how many girls pass me their numbers or send me naked pictures.” He cupped her cheek in his hand and gave her a tender smile “You’re my wife and I love you. All of you; the good, the bad and the jiggly.”

Her eyes welled with tears again as she laughed and she gave him a smile.

“I love you too.” She told him.

“There’s my girl,” he said and gave her a sweet kiss “I believe we were in the middle of something before the tears started and I’d like to finish what we started.”

She looked uneasy.

“Just lay back,” he told her as he kissed her again “and let me take care of you.” She did as he instructed with trepidation and laid back. She tried desperately to tune out every negative thought in her head but she couldn't, it seemed to hang over her like a dark cloud. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath,” he told her “in and out remember? We'll do it together.” They did and she felt his fingertips gently skim over her skin. As if by magic, all her senses kicked into overdrive trying to anticipate his next move. He didn't seem to have a path in mind, he just absentmindedly ran his fingertips and then his hands all over her body until she felt his body heat above her. “Keep your eyes closed,” he told her “and listen to the sound of my voice. Can you do that?”

“Yes.” she answered, nearly automatically.

“I love,” he said and gently kissed her collar bone “every,” now he was kissing between her breasts “single,” just above her belly “inch,” directly on her belly now “of you.” he kissed along the waistband of her shorts before he hooked his thumbs into them and pulled them down. Once they were gone, he admired the sight below him. She had looked amazing before she ever got pregnant, but now, with a round belly, a significantly fuller chest and an irresistible glow around her, it was all he could do not to pound her into the mattress and make her scream his name. “Sweetheart,” he murmured “just for one second, I wish you could see you how I see you. You're fucking gorgeous.”

She bit back a snide comment and her eyes fluttered open as his fingers slid through hers and he pinned them by her head. His lips barely brushed hers before he pressed a searing kiss onto her lips. She'd never quite be able to explain why this was her turning point; maybe it was all the raw emotion she felt from him, maybe it was finally getting her head in the right place or the fact that she as so horny that she was about to go blind with lust, but she felt the levee break and she hooked her legs around his waist.

“Mh, there she is,” he said against her mouth “I knew my bad girl was in there somewhere.”

“Fuck me Dean.” she told him as she let go of his hands and tore her shirt off over her head and clawed at his clothes. Once they were both naked, he lined his hardened length up with her soaking hole and quickly pushed inside her, their hands joining together again. She threw her head back and cried out loudly.

“That's it,” he said as he started to move “nice and loud sweetheart, I wanna hear you.” He was building her up, dragging in and out of her at a steady pace as she started to cry lout louder.

“Jesus!” She yelled as she squeezed his hands and moved with him as well as she could. He let out a growl as she whimpered and whined up to her peak. He moved faster as she clenched hard around him.

“Fuck,” he moaned as they kissed “just like that. Just fucking like that.”

“Gonna come,” she moaned “fuck!” she let go and he worked her through the orgasm only to build her back up again “Dean, oh fuck, Dean!”

He caged her in his arms as he moaned and cried out near her ear.

“Feels so good” he moaned “you feel so good.”

“Come for me,” she murmured to him, grabbing the hair on the back of his head and made him look at her, their eyes connecting “come-come on Dean.”

He slammed into her a couple of times and he cried out against her mouth as he coated her inner walls with his hot seed. She let go a second time, gripping his hair hard as she did so.

Later on, once they were settled back into their bed, Julianna had long since fallen asleep to Dean stroking the hair by her temples, his other hand splayed across her belly as one, or both, babies, kicked his palm. He grinned at the sight below him; the girl he'd crushed on. The one he never thought he'd be able to have was now his wife and carrying their babies in her tummy. In his arms was his entire world, everything he loved and cared about was right there with him. She nuzzled her head into the crook of his arm and slept on as he let out a sigh before kissing the top of her head.

“I love you.” he murmured against her hair.

»»————-　✼　————-««

When it was finally time for the babies to be delivered, Julianna had opted for a C-Section after her last appointment.

“Your birth canal is a little on the small side,” Anna had told her “so to avoid any complications, with this and any future pregnancies you may have, I believe it would be best for you to have a C-Section.”

Julianna and Dean arrived at the hospital, both of them with tons of emotions flooding through them. Jody arrived shortly after they did so she could be with them during the birth.

“Thanks for being here Mom.” Julianna told Jody when she saw her.

“I wouldn't miss it for the world.” Jody said

Julianna was wheeled back into surgery with Dean, Jody and a team of nurses and doctors headed up by Anna. Once Julianna got her epidural and was covered with blankets, the nurses set up a barrier between them and Julianna's head. Once the drugs kicked it, it felt like she'd had a little too much to drink.

“I love morphine,” she told Dean “can we keep some in the house?”

He chuckled and kissed her forehead through the mask he was wearing.  

“I'll see what we can do.” He said “Feeling okay?”

“Pressure,” she said as she made a face “like a lot of pressure, but fine.”

He nodded as Jody gripped her other shoulder

“You're doing amazing JuJu.” she said “Keep breathing okay?”

Julianna nodded and Anna said

“Okay, we've got one baby coming out in three, two, one!”

It felt like the world went silent around Julianna for a few seconds and the only thing that broke it was a baby wailing at the top of its lungs.

“Boy!” the nurse called and Dean looked past the cover.

Screaming in Anna's hands was a tiny, purple, messy, squalling baby and Dean's eyes went wide. He didn't know what to think or feel, but his heart was pounding painfully in his chest.  

“Dad, you wanna cut the chord?” the Anna asked.

Dean nodded nervously and cut where Anna had shown him as a grin stretched across his face. The nurse held the tiny baby up so Julianna could see him and then pulled him away to get him cleaned up.

“Here comes the next one.” the Anna said as tears rolled down Julianna's cheeks

“Go with him.” she told Dean as her lip began to tremble hard

No,” he said and looked at her “I'm not leaving you.”

“I'll go,” Jody said, she patted her daughter's shoulder and got up to check on the baby. Pretty soon, the room was filled with two crying babies as Dean looked over and saw his daughter, who was even smaller than her brother. Dean cut the chord and realized Julianna's lips were blue.

“Is she okay?” he asked the nurse

“Side effect of the medicine,” the nurse told him “we see it all the time.”

Dean tried to keep his head on a swivel, there were too many people in the room he cared about and he didn't have enough eyes to keep one on all of them. Jody came back over to Julianna and told her

“He has ten fingers and ten toes.” in and excited tone.

Their son was the first to be ready to be held, the nurse showed Dean how to hold him and once the little boy was safely in his arms, he felt his heart melt.

“Hey there big boy,” he said quietly and took the baby over to Julianna who was smiling.

“Here he is.” Dean said and showed the little boy to her and she began to cry.

“Oh my god,” she said “look at those chunky cheeks!”

Dean laughed and moved closer to Julianna so she could kiss his forehead.

“Hey sweet boy,” she said “nice to meet you little one.”

Now that his skin had taken on more of a pink tone, Dean pulled back the hat on the baby's head and realized it was full of blonde, wispy hair, he realized something.

“He looks like Sam when he was little.”

Julianna chuckled

“The Winchester genes are strong with this one.” she said.

Dean put his son in Jody's arms who almost instantly started crying.

“Oh my god,” she said quietly, he is so precious!” she said quietly

Then the nurse passed Dean his daughter. She had a full hair of raven black hair just like her mother's and she had Julianna's cheeks. Dean told her this and let her kiss their daughter on the forehead.

“Hey there baby girl.” she said

For just a second, the baby's eyes opened and looked at Julianna, who then swore she saw the baby grin for just a second as if to tell her “I'm here! I'm okay!” and then her eyes closed again. The nurse took to baby then and Jody was forced to give up her grandson. Dean leaned down to Julianna and said in her ear

“You did so well sweetheart, they're so beautiful and strong.” he kissed her temple and said “I love you so much, you're incredible.”

“I love you too.” she sobbed

»»————-　✼　————-««

The President And First Lady are pleased to announce that their eldest daughter, Julianna and her husband, Staff Sargent Dean Winchester have welcomed TWINS! Savannah Caroline and Sebastian Gabriel Winchester were born in the early hours of August 8th. New Mom and babies are doing well and are in perfect health. The Winchesters want to thanks everyone for their love and prayers as they begin this new chapter in their lives.

»»————-　✼　————-««

**One month later**

A wailing baby immediately brought Julianna out of a deep sleep. She groaned and got up, making her way to the nursery to see which baby was squalling at four in the morning. When she entered the nursery, she found Sebastian crying and Savannah still passed out in her crib.

“Hey handsome,” Julianna said and scooped him up “let’s take this downstairs so your sister can get some sleep huh?”

Sebastian wailed, his tiny fists hitting her chest as she made her way down the stairs and into the living room. They’d set up a changing table in the living room for just such an occasion and Julianna turned the light on dim so she could see what she was doing. She checked and then changed his diaper, trying to calm him down as she did so by talking to him. “I’d be mad if I had poop in my pants too,” she cooed to him “let’s get you out of this yucky diaper and we’ll put a new one on.” Once he was clean and changed, she picked him back up and made her way to the recliner and tried to feed him. He wasn’t interested in food so she held him closely and rocked him, still trying to calm him down. She sang softly to him and pat his back while she rocked him. He laid his forehead against her neck, finally starting to settle down. Julianna tried a few times to get up and put him back to bed, but Sebastian wasn’t having any part of that. Each time she tried he would start to squawk. Exhausted, she threw the recliner back and laid the baby on her chest before nodding off.

She wasn’t sure how long she was asleep on the chair, but the next thing she knew, she could hear Dean in the kitchen. Julianna slowly opened her eyes and saw Sebastian was out cold on her chest, letting out tiny snores as he slept with his mouth open.

“Just like his Dad.” She thought and laid there for a few more minutes, closing her eyes again. She heard Dean softly talking and his voice seemed to be getting closer.

“Ah, see? There’s your Mom and brother.” He said and Julianna opened her eyes. Dean was standing by the recliner, holding Savannah in his arms and smiling. “Late night?” Dean asked

“Early morning,” she told him “your son wanted to cuddle at four o’clock in the morning.”

“So, before sunrise he’s MY son?” Dean asked and Julianna sleepily nodded, making him grin. “I got coffee going, do you want to hang out here until it’s ready?”

“Yeah. She okay?” Julianna asked, nodding to Savannah.

Dean turned to the side and peaking out of a pink blanket was a pair of blue green eyes.

“She’s fine,” Dean said and kissed the top of her head “she was awake and hanging out in her crib when I checked on her so I picked her up.”

Julianna smiled as Savannah grunted and snuggled up to Dean.

“Someone’s a Daddy’s girl all ready,” Julianna said with a smirk “look at her.”

He looked down and grinned at the tiny girl in his arms.

“Yeah she is.” He simply said and kissed the baby’s forehead. “How're you feeling today?”

Julianna sighed, postpartum depression had hit her hard; coupled with the depression she was already dealing with, plus the way her body had changed post pregnancy, she had been dealing with a lot over the last month.

“Still feeling bummed, not like sobbing upset like I have been, but more like the baseball game I wanted to watch got rained out.” She told him, which made him smirk.

He had been the one to encourage her and lift her up when she was at her lowest. He'd found her in the nursery crying uncontrollably one afternoon while Savannah screamed in her crib.

“What's wrong?!” Dean thundered, thinking one or both of them were hurt.

“I'm sorry!” she sobbed “I can't get her to stop crying, she hates me!”

“Whoa, hold on just a second,” he told her “I can't hear myself think with all the crying. Sweetheart, just hold up a second okay?” Dean rushed over and picked the baby up trying to figure out what was wrong and he quickly figured it out. “It's okay,” he said soothingly “she pooped. No one has to cry over a poopy diaper.”

“I JUST CHANGED HER!” Julianna yelled

“HEY!” Dean yelled back and the baby screamed louder “Go cool down! I got this.”

“Dean I-” she started, her eyes wide, he'd never raised his voice at her

“Go. Take. A. Minute.” he told her, his eyes set.

She slowly got up and trudged to their room, shutting the door behind her. To Dean's surprise, Sebastian had slept through the whole ordeal like a champ.

“Little buddy,” Dean said as he set to cleaning up Savannah “we have our hands full with these girls, don't we?” Sebastian just snoozed on as Dean tried to soothe Savannah.

Once Savannah was cleaned up and back in her bed, sleeping, Dean went to find Julianna who was laying in bed staring out of the window.

“Hey,” he said gently as he climbed into bed with her “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. That was uncalled for.”

“It's okay,” she said, sounding defeated “the kids hate me, you hate me. It's fine.”

“Sweet girl, no.” he said as he tried to turn her over, but she refused. “I don't hate you, I thought you and Savannah were hurt.”

“So, you yelled at me?” she asked

“I told you,” he said in a quiet tone “it was uncalled for and I'm sorry. I should've handled that differently. I was worried about my girls.” At this, she rolled over, wiping the tears out of her eyes and sitting up. “I could never hate you Bee, I love you. More than I know how to say.” He pushed her hair out of her face and pulled her closely “Tell me what's wrong.”

She melted into his arms and poured her heart out

“I just can't shake this feeling that I'm worthless,” she sobbed “I can't get the kids or myself to stop crying and I'm just so sorry. I'm so, so sorry Dean.”

“What're you sorry for?” he asked as he smoothed her hair

“For being annoying and always crying and bothering you with my problems.” she told him “I'm just this broken person and you don't deserve that.”

He shushed her and held her tightly while she sobbed into his shoulder. Once she was done crying he pulled back from her and tilted her face up to his.

“Can you listen to me for a few seconds?” he asked and she nodded “You're not worthless at all, you're the reason I do the things I do because I want to take care of you and provide for you and our family. You're worth everything, plus more. With everything you've been through, I'm not surprised that you can't stop crying sweet girl.” He gently kissed her forehead and then told her “You're not broken; you're the strongest person I know. You're my world you know that?”

She sniffled and nodded.

“You're my world too.” she told him and they kissed hard.

»»————-　✼　————-««

Epilogue *six months later*

“Look, I’m not trying to be bias or anything,” Dean said as he looked through the pictures he’d just taken on his phone “but we made some GOOD looking kids.”

Julianna grinned as the babies squirmed and kicked their hands and feet on the blanket. They each rolled over and Julianna sat at the edge of the blanket.

“You’re right,” she told him and clapped her hands to get their attention “cutest babies ever.”

Their personalities had started to emerge more as they aged. Savannah looked like Julianna but acted more like Dean. Sebastian looked like a miniature Dean and acted like Julianna.  Sebastian quickly crawled over to Julianna, babbling to her.

“What’re you trying to tell me?” She asked as he crawled into her lap, shortly followed by Savannah, who let out a series of baby noises. “You trying to tell me something too?” Julianna asked Savannah as Julianna picked her up “What’s so important little one?”

Savannah grabbed Julianna’s face and laid a big, sloppy kiss on her as Julianna laughed. “Oh yes? That’s very important, thank you sweet pea.”

Not to be out done, Sebastian tugged on Julianna’s shirt, pulling himself up and laying a drooly kiss on her too.

“Aw thank you!” Julianna said and the twins seemed to take turns kissing Julianna as she nearly burst into tears. “I don’t know what to do with all this loving I’m getting!” She exclaimed as she heard Dean chuckling. “Who is that laughing? You hear your Daddy laughing at us?”

Sebastian looked at Dean, grinned and gave Julianna another kiss.

“You saw that right?” Dean asked as he laughed “He looked at me like “I’m getting ALL the kisses!” and kissed you again!”

“Really?!” Julianna asked and laughed as Savannah laughed too “Oh, that’s funny isn’t it?” Julianna asked her and Savannah squealed in delight.

»»————-　✼　————-««

That night, after a bath, Julianna and Dean put the babies to bed and settled on the couch with beers. It was February in DC and it was cold enough for them to light a fire as they snuggled closely on the couch. Dean sat with his back against the arm rest and his legs stretched out in front of him. Julianna was laying against his chest, her fingers making patterns on his chest.

“We make a pretty good team, you and I.” She told him

“We do, don’t we?” He asked

“I think so.” she told him

He kissed her forehead

“Before you get comfortable,” he told her “I have your Valentine's Day present.”

“That isn't for a few more days,” she told him “and that doesn't get you out of buying me flowers either.”

He laughed and said

“Humor me.”

“Okay.” she said and sat up. He got off the couch and disappeared into the house. When he came back, he had a wrapped box in his hands, which he gave to her before sitting down. She ripped open the paper and inside it was a book. Curious, she opened it and in front of her was a picture of the two of them together. She flipped through the book and inside were pictures of them from the start of their relationship to now.

“You did all this?” she gasped, amazed

“Well, I had help,” he admitted “like, A LOT of help putting to together, but I picked all of the pictures and got the final say on the layouts.”

“Oh my god,” she said “I LOVE this.”

She the last few pages were filled with pictures of them with the babies, including a session they had done when the babies were still brand new.

“The last one is my favorite one.” Dean told her

“Your favorite in the book?” she asked

“No,” he told her “of all time, so far.”

she smiled and flipped to the last page. The picture was of her and Dean standing sideways, each of them holding a sleeping baby as they were smiling at each other. She had a wide grin because he had made her laugh and he was giving her his legendary Winchester smirk. Below it was the Edgar Allen Poe quote Castiel has used in their wedding in the shape of a heart.

“We loved with a love that was more than love.” she said and looked up at him.

“I and my Annabelle Lee.” he said with a smile. He couldn't clearly read her expression, but she set the book aside and hugged him hard.

“I love you.” she told him as he folded his arms around her.

“I love you too.” he told her and kissed her temple.

»»————-　✼　————-««

THANK YOU so, so SO much for being on this journey with Dean and Julianna!! I hope this was a satisfactory end for their wonderful story! I’ll be making a master post for this series very soon so that it can be enjoyed in it’s entirety.

As always, kind feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Feel free to comment, like and share, bitch slap that follow button to see more content from me!!!

The Squad:

@waywardbaby​​​​​ @waywardnerd67​​​​​ @familybusinesswritingbro​​​​​ @ain-t-bovvered​​​​​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​​​​​ @girlborninstorms​​​​​ @dacleverfox​​​​​ @emoryhemsworth​​​​​ @bobasheebaby​​​​​ @deanscarlett​​​​​ @myinconnelly1​​​​​ @mogaruke​​​​​ @imma-winchester-addict​​​​​ @purpleskiesandcherrypies​​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​​​​​ @animerose96​​​​​ @l8nit-l0vr​​​​​ @drakelover78​​​​​​ @curly-haired-disaster​​​​​​ @roonyxx​​​​​ @snffbeebee​​​​​ @ezilyamuzed​​​​​ @mirandaaustin93​​​​​ @srsllydunnodoncare​​​​​ @latetothewinchesterparty​​​ @emilyshurley​​​​ @atc74​​​ @midnightsilverafterdark​​​ @adoptdontshoppets​​ @biawol​

Made to be Broken:

@internationalmusicteacher​​ @wellcrazythis @sis-tafics​​ @death-unbecomes-you​​ @mystrie @becs-bunker​​  @oldfreakything @jennifromtheblock1013​ @roastmctoasyghostie @jinxremoving2​​ @im-a-light-child​ @imascio08 @adillard94 @neganismyobsession

Dean/ Jensen:

@spnbaby-67 @akshi8278

[spn-ficfanatic]

Ghost Sickness

My Masterlist

@imaginationisgrowth: “I had an idea the other day when I was rewatching the episode yellow fever. I thought it would be interesting to see the reader get ghost sickness  while they are on a case. This could be angst and fluff and you could do deanxreader , samxreader, or no pairing and just friends.

A/N: So I’ve reworked Yellow Fever. I’ve changed a few facts from the episode around to fit the story I’m telling. I’ve also tried not to stick to the episode dialogue too much to give it a fresher feeling. So don’t go in expecting the episode exactly how you know it word for word. Hopefully you’ll love it just as much though! Much love to @imaginationisgrowth who has been soooo patient and supportive while waiting over a month for me to finish this!

Words: 7900-ish Warnings: Mention of bullying and suicide, mild swearing Genre: Angst with a hint of humour Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader, Bobby. All platonic but hopefully you’ll enjoy the closeness of the characters, they will each have their own little moments with the Reader.

Your legs pounded the pavement as you ran down the path, jaws snapping at your ankles as you did. You were sweating and tears were rolling down your face, you were running out of breath, but you couldn’t stop. You knew if you did it would all be over and you refused to go out this way.

Mauled to death by a poodle? Can you fricking imagine how much crap Crowley would give you once you got to hell?

43 HOURS EARLIER

”How did it go?” you asked the guys as they stepped back into the Impala. They’d gone ahead and spoken with the coroner while you continued research from the back seat, without any success. Sam huffed out a laugh.

“Well, I held the guys heart and Dean got squirted with dead-man juice,” he reported with a grin, and you turned to see Dean still furiously wiping his face. You choked back a laugh before feigning concern.

“Oh poor Deany, are you ok?” you asked, throwing in a hint of condescension. He threw you a bitch face to rival Sam’s and you nearly burst out into laughter.

“Shaddap,” he told you simply, putting the car into gear and driving off.

“So get this,” Sam started, and you leaned forward expectantly. “Guy drops dead of a heart attack right, but nothing suggests he was even sick. Perfectly healthy heart. And given he’s just the latest of a line of them I’m steering toward something supernatural.”

You nodded in agreement, leaning back once you were sure Sam was finished.

“So. Sheriff’s office?” you asked, putting your shoes back on.

“Nuh uh, I’m going back to the room for a shower,” Dean commented, pulling a face. “A really really REALLY long shower. With bleach.”

“Guess it’s just you and me Y/N,” Sam told you with a smile, which you returned happily.

--------------------------

“Nice socks,” Sam whispered to you with a smirk as you glanced at your feet, currently sporting your Frozen socks. Olaf stared back at you with a stupid grin and you smiled.

“Thanks, I’ll get you a pair,” you replied as you sat your purse on the floor next to you. In your defence you hadn’t exactly expected the sheriff to have a “no shoe” policy in his office, otherwise you absolutely would have worn stockings, but damn if these weren’t a heck of a lot warmer!

The sheriff sat at his desk in front of you, lathering his hands in the alcohol gel sitting by his keyboard. You raised a curious eyebrow but didn’t say anything; at first glance you wouldn’t pick him for a germaphobe but you figured everyone had their thing.

“Okay. So, what can I do for uncle Sam?” he asked you both, his hands making a slapping slick noise as he rubbed them together. You tried to hide a grimace.

“Well, we're looking into the death of Frank O'Brien. We understand some of your men found his body,” Sam told him in his professional FBI voice. The sheriff nodded with a frown.

“They did. Me and Frank, we were friends. Hell, we were Gamecocks.”

A snicker escaped your lips before you could stop it, and the sheriff gave you a stern look making your cheeks blush profusely.

“That's our softball team's name. They're majestic animals. I knew Frank since high school. To be honest, I just this morning got up the strength to go see him. Frank was… He was a good man.”

“Yeah. Big heart I hear,” you told him with a wry grin, recalling Sam’s recount of being handed it at the morgue. You looked at Sam expectantly but he gave you a stern look that told you to shut up. Gawd he was no fun sometimes!

“Before he died, did you notice Frank acting strange? Maybe scared of something?” Sam pushed on.

“Oh hell, yeah. Real jumpy.”

That peaked your interest, and you leaned forward. “You know what scared him?”

“No. Wouldn't answer his phone. Finally, I sent some of my boys over to check on him, and well, you know the rest.”

As the Sheriff started to pour the alcohol gel on his hands again you and Sam shared a confused look. ‘What the hell?’ you mouthed to him, and he shrugged in reply.

“So, why the Feds give a crap? You don't really think there's a case here?” the Sheriff interrupted your exchange, continuing to rub his hands together loudly much to your annoyance.

“No, no. It's probably nothing. Just a heart attack,” Sam told him in a reassuring voice. You nodded in agreement with a smile.

--------------------------

“No way that was a heart attack,” Sam commented once you were out of earshot, walking alongside each other on the way back to the impala.

“Definitely no way. Three victims, all with those same red scratches. All went from jittery to terrified to dead within 48 hours.”

“Something scared them to death?”

“All right, so what can do that?” you asked.

“What can't? Ghosts, vampires, chupacabra? It could be a hundred things.”

You sighed in frustration. “Yeah. So, we make a list and start crossing things off.”

“Alright, who's the last person to see Frank O'Brien alive?”

You pulled your notepad out of your pocket and checked your scribbles from earlier in the day.

“Uh, his neighbour, Mark Hutchins.”

“Alright, guess we’ll pay a visit to Mark next,” Sam decided, stopping at the side of the road and preparing to cross. You looked ahead and saw a group of teens hanging out next to the Impala and were suddenly overcome with a concern you couldn’t rightly explain.

“Hang on, hang on,” you muttered, putting your hand out in front of Sam just as he was about to step onto the road. He looked around to see what had made you stop.

“What?”

You turned to face him, your back to the men on the off chance they could lip read. What? It could happen!

“I don't like the looks of those teenagers down there.”

Sam looked around and spotted the group chatting near the Impala, and before he could ask you what the problem was you were already pulling him in the other direction.

“Let's walk this way. Mark’s place is within walking distance anyway.”

You crossed the road, oblivious to the perplexed stare Sam was giving you behind your back. Looking back at the teens, he shook his head in confusion and followed you.

--------------------------

“You never mentioned you were scared of snakes Y/N…”

“GAH!” you cried with a shiver, remembering the feel of Mark’s python slithering down your leg. Sam gave you a small smirk and started to loosen his tie as you both walked toward the Impala once again.

“OK, so we got a couple of things from the guy at least. He’s a widow and a dick.”

“He was a bully in high school Sam, doesn’t still make him a dick,” you countered. You’d once confided in Sam that you’d been less than friendly yourself during your school years so for him to say that was a little hurtful, but you tried not to let it get to you. “Mark said he’d gotten better since then, cut him some slack.”

“Fair enough, I guess,” Sam replied quietly, looking at you curiously. “Hey, you OK? You seem a bit...”

“A bit what Sam?” you challenged him, knowing he’d not be stupid enough to continue that sentence. As you suspected, he decided to shut up. Wise man.

“Nothing. Let’s get to the county clerk’s office and I’ll dig up whatever I can on his wife.”

As you rounded the corner you looked around for the teens, and let out the breath you hadn’t realised you were holding when you saw they had moved on.

--------------------------

You sat in the passenger seat of the Impala, absentmindedly scratching your arm while you waited for Sam to get back . You’d not admitted it to him but you’d been feeling kind of weird for the last couple of hours. Sam was right, you’d never mentioned a fear of snakes. Because you didn’t have one. Not normally anyway. So what was it about Mark’s that had you all jittery? While you were pondering Sam returned, and the sudden jolt of the vehicle as he opened the door had you jumping.

“Hey. Any luck?” you asked, casually trying to rest your elbow on the window but missing and just kind of let your arm fall awkwardly. Sam raised an eyebrow at you but didn’t mention it.

“I'm not sure I'd call it luck. Frank's wife, Jessie, was a manic-depressive. She went off her meds back in '88 and vanished. They found her two weeks later, three towns over. Strung up in her motel room, suicide.”

“Yikes. Any chance Frank helped her along to the other side?” you asked, hopeful that this was a lead.

“No, Frank was working the swing shift when she disappeared. Airtight alibi,” he replied with a sigh, throwing the files on your lap. He turned the ignition while you carefully sat them down by your feet instead. Didn’t want to risk a paper cut.

“I checked in with Dean, he searched Frank’s place top to bottom but there was nothing. No EMF, no hex bags, no sulfur,” you told Sam with a frown, keeping a watchful eye on the speedometer. “So probably no ghosts, no witches, or demons.”

Sam grunted in annoyance. “3 down and 97 to go.”

“Yeah,” you replied quietly as your eyes stayed glued to the speed. “Sam, you’re going 25.”

He looked at you puzzled before checking the speed himself.

“And?” he asked, confused.

“The speed limit is 20.”

Sam let out an amused laugh, expecting you were joking. “Yer sure, speeds are only suggestions after all,” he told you, quoting yourself from only a month prior when it was your turn to drive. 

You pursed your lips and sat back in your seat, embarrassed to say anything more. As he turned on the indicator though you let out a yelp. Sam looked at you startled, sitting in the middle of the road while he waited for the traffic to pass.

“Dude, what are you doing?” you yelped.

“That’s our hotel!”

“Making a left-hand turn into oncoming traffic? Are you suicidal?!” you practically shouted before raising a hand to your mouth shocked. Sam stared at you, genuinely concerned with your behaviour now.

“Did I just say that? That was kind of weird,” you muttered with a nervous giggle.

Just then the EMF in Sam’s pocket started whining, and as he quickly turned into the hotel you pulled your legs up over your eyes and gave a small shriek of fear. Throwing the car into park, Sam reached into his pocket and extracted the EMF reader. Pointing it toward you it shrieked loudly, but as he pulled it away it died down. One more try and your heart started racing as it shrieked again when pointed in your direction.

“Am I haunted?” you blurted out, terrified. “Am I haunted?!”

“Ummmm…” Sam trailed off.

--------------------------

“Cuz the players gonna play play play play play,” you sang, pretending to hold a mic to your mouth as you sang along to Taylor Swift. Dean hated that you liked this song but you’d caught him tapping his foot to the beat one day so you knew he was just playing the tough-guy routine. Now though you were just trying to get your mind away from the horrors around you. That tree that’s leaning a little too close to the car (what if it falls down in this wind?), the hotel sign flickering away (surely that’s a occupational health and safety concern?), and that german shepherd tied to a pole near the hotel entrance (RABIES!!).

As a hand tapped loudly on top of the car you yelped, then sighed in relief when you sat up and saw Dean’s torso at the window. You leaned over and turned the volume down, and carefully climbed out to stand with him, ignoring the hand he held out to assist you.

“Get that germy hand away from me, I know where it’s been,” you told him glumly. He looked at his hand with offense, before shrugging and nodding his head in agreement.

“So, Sam mentioned you’re having a freak out or something?” Dean asked casually, leaning against the car and trying not to look concerned. He knew how much you hated when they worried about you and didn’t want to upset you further.

“I think it’s justified,” you scoffed, holding out your arm with a look of alarm. “Look at this!”

Dean took your arm in his hands only to see you had scratched yourself raw, and pulled it closer to inspect it further.

“Geez Y/N, what are you doing?” he cried in concern.

“I’m not doing it I swear!”

You sighed and leaned against the Impala, pulling your arm away. Dean turned to greet Sam as he approached the car, and Sam handed you a box of your favourite donuts by way of a greeting. He’d been hoping to cheer you up some and grabbed them while he’d been talking on the phone, but frowned as he watched you sniff them and with a disapproving look throw them in the backseat.

“Um, ok, well, I just spoke with Bobby and you’re not gonna like it.” Sam took a deep breath before steeling himself for your reaction once he’d told you. “It’s ghost sickness.”

“Oh god no,” you replied, casting your eyes down as you let that sink in. “Oh man, that’s… I have no idea what that is actually.”

“Oh. Well ok, some cultures believe that certain spirits can infect the living with a disease, which is why they stopped displaying bodies in houses and started taking them off to funeral homes.”

“Lovely. Get to the good stuff,” you grimaced.

“Symptoms are you get anxious, then scared, then really scared, then your heart gives out. Sound familiar?”

“Yeah, but Sam, we haven't seen a ghost in week,” Dean piped up.

“Well, I doubt she caught it from a ghost. Look, once a spirit infects that first person, Ghost Sickness can spread like any sickness through a cough, a handshake, whatever. It's like the flu. Now, Frank O'Brien was the first to die, which means he was probably the first infected. Patient zero.”

“Our very own outbreak monkey.”

“Right. Get this, Frank was in Maumee over the weekend. Softball tournament. Which is where he must have infected the other two victims.”

“Were they Gamecocks?” you asked.

“Cornjerkers.”

Dean looked at you both confused by that exchange, but Sam pressed on.

“So, a ghost infected Frank. He passed it onto the other guys and then Y/N got it from his corpse.”

“Wait wait wait, I wasn’t even there! That’s not fair!” you whined.

“Well, like any sickness some people are carriers and some have natural immunities. We probably carried it to the car with us; you likely caught it from us,” Sam told you, looking apologetic.

“So now what, I have 48 hours before I go insane and my heart stops?” you asked bluntly.

“More like 24.”

“Super.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, why me? Why not you guys? I mean, you were in direct contact with the victim. Hell, Dean got splattered with spleen juice!”

“Yeah, um, you see Bobby and I have a theory about that too. Turns out all three victims shared a certain, uh, personality type. Frank was a bully. The other two victims, one was a vice principal, the other was a bouncer.”

“Okay.”

“Basically, they were all dicks.”

“So why didn’t Dean get infected?” you grumbled.

“Hey! I’m a pleasure to be around,” Dean defended himself, crossing his arms. You smirked sarcastically at him before turning back to Sam.

“So you're saying I'm a dick?”

“No, no, no. It's not just that. All three victims used fear as a weapon, and now this disease is just returning the favor. I know you’re not the same girl you were in high school, but since that played a part in Frank catching it then it might playing a part in yours too.”

“I don't scare people,” you murmured, your eyes downcast.

“All we do is scare people,” Sam countered.

“Okay, well then, you guys are dicks too.”

“Apparently, we’re not.”

You sighed in annoyance, throwing your hands in the air in defeat and you stood up from your position against the car. “Whatever. How do we stop it?”

“We gank the ghost that started all this. We do that, the disease should clear up.”

“You thinking Frank's wife?” Dean asked.

“Who knows why she killed herself, you know? Hey, what are you doing waiting out here, anyway?” Sam asked, turning his attention back to you. You looked at him sheepishly before looking up at the Hotel.

“Our room's on the fourth floor.”

Sam and Dean watched you, and shook their heads in confusion.

“It's...it’s high,” you added, raising your hand to demonstrate.

They gave you a concerned look as they glanced at each other for a moment.

“I'll see if I can move us down to the first,” Sam told you, walking back to the office. Dean smiled sadly and patted you on the shoulder before turning his attention to the files in the car.

--------------------------

Sitting at the hotel table with a book in front of you, you could barely focus on the words and kept being distracted by the clock on the wall ticking away loudly. A tickle in your throat had you coughing for a moment, and as you let your head fall to read the page in front of you you were greeted by grizzly images of people coughing up their intestines. You coughed again and felt your heart rate increase as you felt the panic start to rise.

Sparing a quick glance to the clock, you abruptly stood up and proceeded to smash it on the floor. Several times. By the time you’d finished it was in several hundred pieces, and with a satisfied grunt you headed to the fridge for a Pepsi. Sitting on the couch you gave a sigh, running your hands over your face tiredly. You sat there for about 10 minutes, nursing your drink, before the guys put their key in the door and arrived back to the room.

“Hey Y/N, we’re back,” Sam called out, watching the key as he pulled it out of the lock and put it in his pocket. He looked up when he heard Dean’s feet crunch against something on the floor. Looking around he could see what appeared to be the clock on the floor, strewn into pieces.

“Everything all right?” Dean asked cautiously.

“Oh, yeah. Just peachy. Find anything?” you snapped with a frown, taking a sip of your drink. Sam raised an eyebrow but let it go.

“Yeah, Jessie O'Brien's body was cremated, so I'm pretty sure she is not our ghost.” You watched him as he spoke, not even noticing that you were scratching your arm again.

“Hey, quit picking at that,” Dean scolded you, swatting your hand away and sitting next to you. “How you feeling?”

“Awesome. It's nice to have my head on the chopping block again. I almost forgot what that feels like,” you told them glumly, taking another sip. In the time since your last brush with death, Sam and Dean had each died once. Only makes sense that it was your turn again. “It's freaking delightful.”

“We'll keep looking,” Sam added, sitting at the table and putting his laptop down to start some more research.

That tickle came back, and you took a sip to try and get rid of it. When it didn’t you couldn’t help but let out a cough. Dean and Sam each went about their business, Dean flicking through the channels on the TV in front of him. He raised his head though when you leaned forward, unable to stop the coughing.

“You okay?” he asked you, slapping his palm against your back. When you didn’t answer, COULDN’T answer, he started to worry. “Hey, Y/N!” he shouted as it got worse, tears starting to stream down your face. “Sammy, she can’t breath!”

Sam stood up to approach you, panic in his eyes, but instead you passed him as you ran to the kitchen sink. The boys followed as you coughed into the basin, feeling a large square shape push through your esophagus and out your mouth. You cried out in relief as it did, resting your forehead against your hand which was resting on the sink. You felt a hand rub circles on your back and surmised it was Dean.

You watched as Sam reached in and pulled out the wood chip you had just expelled from your body, and raised your head to look at him confused as he looked it over. A look of wonderment spread over his face as he looked at you with renewed hope.

“We've been completely ignoring the biggest clue we have,” he said. “You!”

“What?” you cried, resting your head back onto your hand to sulk. “I don't wanna be a clue”

“The abrasions, this; the disease is trying to tell us something,” he continued excitedly, walking out to the lounge room. Dean followed him, leaving you to peel yourself up and go with.

“Tell us what, wood chips?” he asked his brother.

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

“I’m not going in there,” you exclaimed, looking up at the wood mill apprehensively.

“Cummon Y/N, live a little,” Dean told you with a grin. “You can’t hide away in the car or the hotel and let a little ghost sickness get you down.”

“Shaddup. Sam?” you asked, turning to his brother and giving your best puppy-dog expression. He grimaced in response, feeling guilty.

“Sorry Y/N, but if something’s going on inside related to all this, you being there might bring it out of the woodwork.” He paused. “No pun intended.”

You groaned, and headed to the boot. The guys watched with a mixture of worry and amusement as you pulled out a bottle of whiskey and poured it down your throat in one breath. When you came up for air you shook your head briskly, bouncing up and down to hype yourself up.

“Let's do this!” you shouted, walking with purpose toward the mill. The guys followed close behind and bumped into you when you slowed down unexpectedly.

“It’s a little spooky, isn't it?” you told them, coming to a complete stop. The brothers looked at each other from behind you, and in one motion linked their arms under yours and lifted you up so your feet dangled a few inches off the ground. You let out a squeal as they walked you toward the mill, and as you crossed the threshold they set you down.

“See? Nothing to be scared ok,” Sam told you, patting you on the back and handing you a gun.

“Oh, I'm not carrying that,” you told him, shaking your head. “It could go off. I'll man the flashlight.” You reached into his pocket and pulled it out, holding it in front of your face as you grinned at him.

“You do that,” he told you with a sigh as he and Dean lead the way into the mill. The EMF started going berserk and you all stopped to watch as Sam pulled it out. You all realised at once what it meant.

“EMF's not gonna work with me around, is it?”

“You don't say,” Dean commented wryly. “Come on.”

“Wait…” Sam said suddenly, causing you to jump. He reached down and plucked a wedding ring off the ground and carefully read the inscription inside. ‘To Frank. Love, Jessie.’ Frank O'Brien's ring.”

“What the hell was Frank doing here?” Dean wondered.

“No idea.”

Following Sam, with Dean watching your back from behind, you entered a room full of lockers. There was a loud rustling coming from inside one of them and as Sam reached out to open the door your eyes widened in horror. As a black shape sprung from the locker you screamed, spinning around to grab the nearest thing to you which happened to be Dean. You felt him arm wrap around you tightly, protectively, as you sobbed into his shirt.

“That was scary,” you told them, your voice muffled by his flannel. He ran his hand over your hair and pulled you over to sit on a chair. You sat, your face buried in your hands as you tried to calm down.

You felt his fingers on your wrist, checking your pulse, before he pulled away. “Hey, try and calm down Y/N, you'll be ok.”

“Dean,” Sam said quietly, inspecting a nearby desk. Dean gave you one last worried look before heading over to join him. You opted the listen and watch from your vantage point on the chair.

“Luther Garland,” he commented holding up an ID card. Dean shuffled some papers on the desk.

“Hey, this is uh...this is Frank's wife,” Dean commented, pointing to a drawing.

“The plot thickens,” you commented from your seat, and they turned to look at you and nod in agreement.

“Yeah, but into what?”

As Dean tried to lift the drawing from the desk it got stuck under a stapler and tore in half. Nearly immediately the machines around you whirred to life, and you tucked your knees up against your chest protectively. You all looked around, trying to figure out the cause, and your eyes landed on a figure standing in the corner of the room. You didn’t need to wait and find out who it was, and scrambled for dear life out of your chair and toward the Impala. You thought you heard Sam shout your name as you ran, and a gun shot rang out suggesting he'd shot the bastard with his salt rounds.

By the time the guys caught up with you, you were laying on the back seat of the impala, finishing off the whiskey you'd opened earlier. They watched you from outside the car, worried evident on their faces.

“Guess we got the right place,” Sam commented glumly.

--------------------------

You walked with Sam and Dean through the corridors of the nursing home, eyes darting around looking for any immediate danger. A man walking past bumped you on the shoulder, and you yelped before running to catch up with the brothers.

“This isn't gonna work. Come on, these badges are fake. What if we get busted? We could go to jail!” you told them in a panic, waving your fake ID in front of their faces.

“Y/N, shh! Calm down. Deep breath, okay?” Sam told you, placing his hand on your shoulder.

You did as he asked, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, in and out.

“There. You feel better?”

You opened your eyes and shook your head furiously, and Sam rolled his eyes. You brought your hand up and started scratching your arm nervously.

“Just come on. Don't scratch.”

You approached an older gentleman at a table in the recreation room, and let Dean take the lead.

“Mr. Garland. Hi uh, I'm Agent Tyler. This is Agent Perry and Agent Hamilton, FBI. We'd like to ask you a few questions about your brother Luther.”

“Let me see some I.D.” Mr Garland demanded, and your heart started racing. Your eyes widened and you stared at Dean panicked.

“Certainly,” Dean replied, handing his over while you and Sam followed suit.

“Those are real, obviously. I mean, who would pretend to be an FBI agent, huh? That's just nutty,” you told him with a strained smile. The older man looked at you strangely but after inspecting your IDs handed them back without concern.

“What do you want to know?” he asked, and you let out the breath you’d been holding.

‘Uh, well...according to this, your brother Luther died of physical trauma,” Sam recounted, sitting down next to him and opening the file he’d obtained from the police station earlier. Mr. Garland scoffed in response.

“You don't agree,” Dean clarified..

“No, I don't.”

“Well, then, what would you call it?”

“Don't matter what an old man thinks,” replied Mr Garland, looking despondent.

“Mr. Garland. We're just trying to get the truth on your brother. Please,” Sam begging, hoping to get something out of the man. You were all glad when he opened up.

“Everybody was scared of Luther. They called him a monster. He was too big, too mean-looking. Just too different. Didn't matter he was the kindest man I ever knew. Didn't matter he'd never hurt no one. A lot of people failed Luther. I was one of them. I was a widower with three young 'uns. And I told myself there was nothing I could do.”

“Mr. Garland, um...do you recognize this woman?” Dean asked, taking out the drawing of Jessie and placing it on the table.

“It's Jessie O'Brien,” the older man said sadly. “Her man, Frank, killed Luther.”

“How do you know that?”

“Everybody knows. They just don't talk about it,” he shrugged. “Jessie was a receptionist at the mill. She was always real nice to Luther, and he had a crush on her. But Frank didn't like it. And when Jessie went missing, Frank was sure that Luther had done something to her. Turns out the old gal killed herself, but Frank didn't know that. They found Luther with a chain wrapped around his neck. He was dragged up and down the stretch outside that plant till he was past dead.” You looked at the wounds on your arms and felt your eyes prickle with tears, realising at last what they were.

“And O'Brien was never arrested?” Sam pressed on.

“I screamed to every cop in town. They didn't want to look into Frank. He was a pillar of the community. My brother was just the town freak.”

“You must have hated Frank O'Brien,” you spoke for the first time, so quietly they nearly didn’t hear you.

“I did for a long time, but life's too short for hate darlin’. And Frank wasn't thinking straight. His wife had vanished, he was terrified. A damn shame he had to put Luther through the same, but...that's fear. It spreads and spreads.”

“Well, thank you for speaking with us Mr Garland. I believe we have everything we need,” finished Sam, holding out his hand and shaking it as Mr Garland reciprocated.

A few minutes later you were outside, walking to the Impala and considering the information you’d just received.

“Now we know what these are, road rash. And I'm guessing Luther swallowed some wood chips when he was being dragged down that road,” you told them glumly.

“Makes sense. You're experiencing his death in slow motion,” Sam agreed with a frown.

“Yeah well, not slow enough,” said Dean. “Say we burn some bones and get her healthy yer?”

“Dean, it won't be that easy.”

“No, no, it'll be that easy, why wouldn't it be that easy?”

“Luther was road-hauled,” Sam explained. “His body was ripped to pieces. He was probably scattered all over that road. There's no way we're gonna find all the remains. We'll just have to figure something else out.

“You know what? Screw this,” you piped up suddenly, stopping in your tracks. The brothers turned to look at you with confusion.

“Screw what Y/N?” Sam asked.

“This Sam… THIS! I mean come on guys, what the hell are we doing?!”

“We're hunting a ghost,” Dean replied, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

“A ghost, exactly! Who does that?”

“Us,” they replied in unison.

“Us? Right. And that, that is exactly why our lives suck. I mean, come on, we hunt monsters! What the hell?! I mean, normal people, they see a monster, and they run. But not us, no, no, no, we -- we search out things that want to kill us. Yeah? Huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We...are insane! You know, and then there's the bad diner food and then the skeevy motel rooms and then the truck-stop waiter with the bizarre rash. I mean, who wants this life guys? Huh? Seriously? Do you actually like being stuck in a car together eight hours a day, every single day? I don't think so! I mean, I drive too fast. Dean’s music sucks, he insists on listening to the same five albums over and over and over again, a-and I sing along. I'm annoying, I know that. And you -- you're gassy! You eat half a burrito, and you get toxic! I mean, you know what?” You toss Sam the keys, and he barely catches them as he stares at you. “You can forget it.”

Dean watched you leave with serious concern. “Whoa, Y/N. Where are you going?”

“Stay away from me, okay? Cause I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and -- and -- and the hellhounds and the ghost sickness and the damn apocalypse. I'm out. I'm done. Quit.”

As you started running you could hear them trying to follow, but you were always the fastest of the three and pretty soon their footsteps faded from the distance. Once you were sure they were too far away to catch you, you stopped to catch your breath and leaned against a dumpster for support. That was when you heard a low growl. Turning around slowly, the sight of the poodle in front of you filled you with terror.

--------------------------

When Sam entered the hotel room you were pacing the floor, wringing your hands together anxiously. He let out a loud sigh of relief and closed the door behind him.

“Christ, I looked everywhere for you Y/N. Dean’s still driving around searching. How the hell did you get here?”

“Ran,” you told him with a shrug. “What do we do now? I got less than four hours on the clock. I'm gonna die, Sam.”

You expected a hug, you expected reassurance that they were going to fix this before that happened; you didn’t expect what came next.

“Yeah, you are,” Sam replied with a calm sigh. “You're going back.”

You looked at him puzzled. “Back?” you gulped.

“Downstairs Y/N, hell. It's about damn time, too. Truth is,” he continued, lifting his eyes to reveal a yellow glow. “You've been a real pain in my ass.”

As you leapt back with a scream he grabbed your shoulders hard and threw you against the wall behind you.

“No! You get out of my friend, you evil son of a bitch!” you ordered, somehow sounding more brave than you felt.

“No one's possessing me you moron,” Sam told you, rolling his eyes. “This is what I'm going to become. This is what I want to become. There's nothing you or Dean can do about it.”

Swiftly he brought his hands to your throat and squeezed hard. You couldn’t breath as he cut off your windpipe, and as you struggled to take a breath tears started streaming down your face. You squeezed your eyes shut but opened them quickly when you felt a hand slap your face.

“Hey, hey, hey, Y/N” Sam fretted, shaking your shoulders. “Y/N, come back to me, look at me.”

You did, and were relieved to see his eyes back to their normal colour. His hands were now resting on your shoulders, and not your neck as they were moments ago.

“You… you were choking me,” you spluttered out. He looked at you with pity, and shook his head in denial.

“No Y/N, I swear, I walked through the door and you just started freaking out. Whatever you saw and felt, it wasn’t real.”

“What’s happening to me?” you choked out a sob.

“You’re starting to hallucinate. It’s one of the final stages of the sickness,” he explained with a frown. “Come lay down, I need to call Dean.”

--------------------------

You awoke to find the older brother sitting on the couch next to you, your legs draped over his lap as he watched TV with a beer in hand. His hand rested on your hip protectively, and you let out a small smile.

“Hey,” you greeted him, forcing yourself to sit up. He looked at you wide eyed and quickly turned off the TV, holding out a hand to help you sit up.

“You’re awake, how’re you feeling?” he asked. “You know, besides the constant feeling of impending doom.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but let out a small chuckle at his attempt to lighten the mood. You refused his hand, which he expected anyway given your new-found germ phobia, but sat up and leaned against him tiredly.

“How much longer?” you asked in a monotone voice. You were so tired of being scared all the time. A crow squawked outside the window and you leapt in your seat, holding a hand to your heart.

Dean sat his hand on your lap reassuringly. “Long enough to fix it, I promise.”

“Where’s Sam?”

“Ah, he and Bobby are at the wood mill, they have a plan. It’s a good plan too, really really, really… good.”

--------------------------

“This is a terrible plan,” Bobby commented.

“Yeah, tell me about it, Sam frowned, attaching the chain to the Impala’s bumper. The ‘plan’, as it was, was to recreate Luther’s death with his ghost. Tie an enchanted chain around his neck, tie that to the Impala, and drag his ass through the mill.

Bobby wore a look of doubt on his face. “I know I said, "scare the ghost to death" but this?”

“Hey, you got a better idea, I'm listening.”

--------------------------

You had been successful in calming yourself down since the crow incident, helped immensely by Dean’s shoulder rub. So when the front door swung open you were caught completely unprepared, and as the Sheriff took a swing at Dean you were panicked when he fell to the ground like a stone. He’d pistol whipped him hard, and he was out for the count.

“Dean!” you shrieked, starting to go toward him when the Sheriff lifted the gun and pointed it directly at your head. “What are you doing?” you whimpered, holding your hands up in surrender.

“Why are you looking into Luther Garland's death?” Sheriff Britton asked. Your eyes fell on his outreached arm, his sleeve had ridden up enough to reveal the scratches on his arm which matched your own. Your eyes lit up with recognition.

“Hey, hey, you're -- you're sick. You're sick, all right? Just -- just like me, okay?” You rolled your arm around so he could clearly see your own scratches and bloodied arms. “You’ve got to relax.”

Your advice went unheeded and he punched you across the face. As you fell to the floor he kicked you three times in the gut before stepping back, and you placed a hand over your now bleeding lip and looked up to see the barrel of his gun once again pointed at you.

“Frank O'Brien was my friend,” he hissed. “So he made a mistake. So I didn't bust him. So what? And you're gonna bring me down over that?! Not a chance.”

He pulled the hammer, and just before he could pull the trigger you snapped, jumping forward and grabbing his legs to send him falling back. He lost his grip on the gun and it went flying across the room out of his reach. You half expected him to run for it, but instead he stayed on the ground holding his head in his hands.

“Shut up!” he screamed. “Get away from me!”

“Hey! You’ve got to calm down!” you told him, alarmed to see him start gripping his chest as if he was in pain.

“No no no, please no,” you muttered to yourself, running your hands through your hair. Unsure what to do to help him, knowing that this would be you in a matter of minutes.

The Sheriff let out a strangled gurgle, and as his eyes went blank he fell to the ground unmoving. You could see from where you were that he was not breathing, and it didn't take a genius to know he’d had a heart attack just like the other victims. You let out a cry and fell to the floor yourself, letting the tears fall. Dean was still out of it, and just as you lifted your legs to crawl over to him you heard Sam’s voice echo in your head.

“You're going back. It’s about damn time too. Hahahaha!”

You could hear barking in the distance, and you’d recognise those dogs anywhere. You’d died at the hands of the hellhounds a few years ago, and after the brothers brought you back you’d dreamt that sound for months afterwards.

“Hi Y/N.”

The barking stopped, in fact all noise seemed to cease, and as you slowly lifted your head you could barely believe who was in the room with you.

“S-Sarah?” you choked out.

“Wow, I’m shocked you remember my name, not like you gave a crap in high school. Not until it was too late anyway.” Sarah stood in front of you, her hip jutted out with a hand resting on it. Her neck was red raw and her eyes bloodshot, and dried blood sat under her nose.

“I-I’m s-s-s-”

“Shove your sorry up your ass Y/N, I’m dead because of you!” she snapped viciously before kicking you in the face, rolling you onto your back where you lay defeated. You gripped your chest as you felt a sharp pain, and felt sweat start to bead on your forehead.

“Your sorry means NOTHING! You know what DOES mean something? Years and years of your torture. Sticks and stones will break my bones and words will leave me scarred Y/N! Do you know what happened to my mother when she found me hanging in the shed? She lost her mind, they had to send her away. My sister lost her mother, my dad his wife. And now it’s time for me to have my revenge, an eye for an eye…”

“You – you are not real!” you cried.

“It doesn't matter, you're still gonna die. You're still gonna burn. And I get to be the one to send you there!” Sarah jumped up and down gleefully, clapping her hands together.

“Why me? Why'd I get infected?”

Sarah looked at you with pity, and knelt down on bended knee to your level. She leaned in and whispered menacingly in your ear.

“You moron. You know why. Listen to your heart.”

“Whu...?”

“Baboom,” she spat, smacking her hand on the ground next to your ear with each word. “Baboom baboom baboom baboom!”

Black spots started to float in your vision, and your chest felt like it would explode at any moment. You screamed and rolled to your side into the fetal position, certain this was it. You felt strong hands on your shoulders lifting you up, and you spared a glance to see Dean’s horrified expression staring back at you.

“Y/N! You’re ok, look at me!” he pleaded. You could see tears sitting in his eyes, threatening to fall, and you gulped down a sob.

“I’m sorry,” you managed to splutter out, and he thought you were speaking to him. Your head lolled as the pain in your chest grew to its maximum, and your breathing hitched.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for Y/N, you’re not going anywhere. Stay with me, please.”

He took you in his lap, resting your head against his chest and holding you tightly. You felt your breathing start to slow and your limbs grow heavy. You closed your eyes, your last thoughts of Sam and Dean.

As quickly as you closed your eyes you opened them again, sitting up and taking huge gulpfuls of breath into your lungs. You coughed with the sudden oxygen intake, and realised Sam and Bobby must have smoked the ghost. Looking around you were relieved to see Sarah was gone.

“Thank fuck,” you heard Dean mutter behind you, and you felt his hand on your back rubbing circles as you tried to catch your breath. You turned to look at him and saw the relief on his face as well; his brother and Bobby had come through.

--------------------------

“So you guys road-hauled a ghost with a chain?” you asked them incredulously. You were sitting on the roof of Bobby’s car, your feet resting on the bumper, with a beer in hand.

“Iron chain etched with spell work,” Bobby confirmed proudly.

Dean took a swig of his beer. “Hmm, that's a new one.”

“It was what he was most afraid of. It was pretty brutal, though,” Sam said, almost regrettably. Luther wasn’t the bad guy here, and you could only hope he’d gone to a better place in the end.

“On the upside, I'm still alive, so uh, go team!” you say brightly, pumping a fist in the air in celebration.

“Yeah. How’re you feeling, by the way?” Sam asked, neither you or his brother had gone into much detail about what happened in the hotel room in the final hour.

You pursed your lips and took a sip of your drink. “I’m fine.”

“You sure, Y/N? 'Cause this line of work can get awful scary,” Bobby goaded playfully. You gave a small smile, loving him all the more for dispelling the tension with one sentence. You decided to play along.

“I'm fine,” you told him, hopping off the hood of the car. “You want to go hunting? I'll hunt. I'll kill anything.”

“Awwww, she's adorable,” Bobby laughed. “Anyway, I gotta get out of here. You kids drive safe.”

He patted each of the boys on the shoulder and gave you a quick hug before heading around to the driver’s side of his car.

“You too, Bobby. Hey, thanks,” you called after him, raising your beer to him. He in turn tipped his cap to you, and headed off home. You each finished off your beers and headed to the Impala, ready to head out to the next hunt.

“So uh...so, what did you see? Near the end, I mean,” Dean asked curiously.

You scoffed. “Oh, besides a cop beating my ass?” You rubbed a hand gingerly along your still sore ribs.

“Seriously,” Sam added, stopping at the passengers side door waiting for an answer.

You Sighed, and glanced behind him to see Sarah leaning against a nearby tree, watching you closely with a menacing look on her face. You cleared your throat and turned away guiltily, hoping Sam and Dean wouldn’t notice.

“Howler monkeys,” you settled on. “Whole roomful of them. Those things creep the hell out of me.”

Dean and Sam scoffed, knowing you were lying. “Right.”

“No, just the usual stuff guys,” you told them, mustering as much honesty into your voice as you could manage. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

You let out a quiet breath of relief when they both nodded, happy enough with that answer not to push further, and sat in the Impala slamming their doors behind them. You stood for a moment, hand resting on the top of the door while a light breeze blew your hair, as you braved a glance back to the tree. 

Sarah was gone, but you’d never forget her.

Everything Tags: @angelsandwinchesters, @grace-for-sale, @growningupgeek, @iamnotsaneatall, @nanie5, @waywardasfudge, @ronja-uebrick

“Ghost Sickness” Tags: @oneshoeshort, @winchesterxtwo

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 7

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2746 (Chapter 7 / 12)

Fic Summary: The next day, Sam returns to the hospital hopefully, only to be faced with the horrors that the last night brought for Lucifer. He never thought he would see his classmate the way he does now, but it makes him realize that his decision to help him was the right one.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Sam would have loved to just stay in his bed forever and not think about anything other than sleep anymore, but he couldn't do that. He had promised Lucifer to come back today, and Raphael too, and he knew he couldn't break this promise. Too much depended on it, if he just stayed here he would be a total coward and an awful human being. So, when noon came closer, Sam pushed himself off the bed and got dressed properly.

With a duffle bag full of clothes and other necessities, as well as his laptop and the hope he was making the right decision, Sam locked the door to his room and made his way outside. He called a taxi to get to the hospital again, this time the ride was much shorter because they didn't stop to buy flowers. At the hospital Sam walked up to the info counter again, luckily facing the same young woman from the day before.

“Hello there!” she greeted him surprised. “Back for a visit?”

“For starters,” he smiled and showed her his bag. “I might stay a while, we'll see.”

“Right, doctor Francis told me! I’m really proud of you for offering your help, you are truly a wonderful young man.”

“Thank you, but it’s nothing,” Sam smiled awkwardly. He did not expect this kind of reaction.

“It’s more than most people would do,” the woman smiled back brightly. “Lucifer instructed me to let you through when you arrive, same way as yesterday.”

“Thank you.”

Sam had expected Lucifer to pick him up again, but he still remembered where they went to before luckily, so he easily found his way alone. He knocked at the door, hearing a quiet voice asking him to come in after a moment. When he did, he saw Raphael sitting upright in his bed and Lucifer laying half on his blanket, head on his arms and visibly asleep. He had to smirk at this sight. He closed the door as quiet as possible and walked over to the bed.

“Hey, Raph,” Sam whispered as the boy grinned at him. “Did your brother have a long night?”

“Dad was mean to him again,” Raphael scowled and looked at Lucifer. “He didn't get any sleep I think.”

“That's awful,” Sam said sadly and carefully carried another chair over to the bed to sit down. “Where's your little brother? Didn't he bring him over today?”

“Luci said he'll stay with friends for a while,” Raphael answered very quietly and visibly sad. “He didn't wanna tell me why. Maybe he was too tired.”

“I'm sure he'll be fine,” Sam assured the boy, but deep down he feared there was more behind it than just that. There was no reason to upset Raphael though, so he decided to ask Lucifer later and focus on his little brother for now. “What are you doing right now? Do you wanna play a game maybe?”

“Yes!” Raphael's eyes lightened up at the question. “But we have to be quiet so Luci can sleep.”

“I think we can do that,” Sam smiled.

After a bit of searching through one of the closets near the door, Sam found a memory game and a card game they could play and the two actually spent the next two hours with quiet laughter and silent victory cheers. Sam really enjoyed playing with Raphael. He was obviously really happy and excited about this new experience. They were in another round of playing cards - Sam tried to explain the basics of poker to the boy because he had asked and Raphael turned out to be a very good student - when Lucifer finally moved and slowly got up.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Raphael greeted his big brother, who looked at the two in front of them rather confused for a moment.

“Sam?” he asked before quickly hiding a yawn behind his hand. “What are you doing here?”

“Getting destroyed by your brother,” Sam laughed and put his cards down. “He's just too good for me to win.”

“I told you, I learn fast!” Raphael grinned and put the cards together to shuffle them. “Another round?”

“Later, okay?” Sam said and looked back at Lucifer. “I hope you don't mind, we didn't wanna wake you up, so we played some games.”

“It's alright, no worries.” Lucifer yawned again, rubbing his eyes. “Do you wanna grab a coffee?”

“Sure, do you mind Raphael?” Sam asked, but the boy just shook his head.

“I still got my book, I'll be fine.” Raphael smiled.

“We won't be gone for long, promised,” Lucifer said as he got up. Sam smiled at Raphael quickly before following the blond outside of the room.

“Your brother is really sweet,” Sam said as he followed Lucifer down into the cantina, to which the other simply nodded. Only after they got two strong coffees and sat down somewhere, Lucifer spoke again.

“Sorry for that, the sleeping thing, I mean.” Lucifer groaned and gulped down a huge sip of steaming brown liquid. “I didn't know you were coming over so early. I was just so damn tired, I guess I passed out.”

“Don't apologize, you needed some sleep,” Sam assured Lucifer and took a sip of his coffee too. “Raph and I had quite some fun together, it's alright.”

“Thanks for entertaining him a bit, I think he really misses company sometimes.”

“He got you at least, I'm sure he appreciates that.”

Lucifer sighed, but didn't answer. Sam thought he knew why. A brother was nice, but it was different from actually having friends and that seemed to get to Lucifer quite hard. He didn't want this for his brother and Sam understood. Just the thought of Dean being in a similar situation without him being able to do anything was more than just a little depressing.

“I talked to doctor Francis yesterday,” Lucifer eventually said without looking up. “He told me the tests were all positive, only the blood work needed to be done.”

“I know, I'm glad it all went well,” Sam nodded. “I made sure I can still keep up with school if I'll stay here, the counselor said I might be able to copy someone else's notes who keeps them online and reschedules a test I have, so it won't end in total chaos.”

“I never thought of that,” Lucifer chuckled deeply. “I'm already weeks behind again because I just said I'll be gone for a while. I already lost two years because of this, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to drop out completely this time.”

“You have more important things on your mind than classes for now,” Sam smiled knowingly. “When this is all over I can help you catch up with everything if you want to. I mean, it’s just a few weeks now, right? I’m sure you can still make it.”

“I'll manage somehow, but thanks.” Lucifer shook his head, but more to himself than towards Sam. “I'm more worried about Gabe right now, I'm not sure if Raphael told you.”

“He said he stays with friends for a while because your dad was mean to you again.”

“That's the light version of what happened,” Lucifer scoffed. “I didn't want to scare him more than I had to, but he asked about his brother of course.”

“It's much worse, right?” Sam asked and Lucifer nodded sadly.

“CPS took him,” he said with the most heartbreaking shame in his voice. “One of the neighbors finally had enough and called the cops when my old man lost it again last night. Gabe  woke up from the noise and he has a huge bruise on his arm from falling a few days ago, they saw it of course didn't believe me when I told them about it and called CPS for his own safety. I saw it happen, even comforted him, but they didn't seem to listen. They thought dad beat him up and said they had to do it.”

“I'm so sorry, Lucifer,” Sam whispered and laid a hand on the other’s. “Is there nothing you can do? I’m sure they want him to be happy and well, right?”

“I might've made it worse when they said they'd take him… dad didn't give a shit about the news and somehow my hand and his nose had a small meeting. His nose lost.”

“Ouch.” Sam felt awful, but his lips still jerked at the thought of Lucifer breaking his dad's nose.

“He launched at me and they arrested him because I'm still a minor,” Lucifer smirked with a hint of pride. “But it'll be hard to get Gabe back, they told me. I talked to the CPS lady for a few hours and she said they won't let him go back to my dad. She believed me when I told her that I would do anything for him and that he never hit him, but if I want him back I need to file for custody and to do that I need a place to live and money and, of course, be a legal adult…”

“Fuck, that sure is a mess...”

“Yeah,” Lucifer huffed unamused. “They can't stay at the house because it's dad's and I can't work because Raphael needs me and I need a job to earn money to get a place to live with them. A dilemma if I ever saw one. Right now he’s in a very nice family with two other kids his age, the woman told me, but it’s just not his home, you know? It’s not  his family...”

“Well, for now Gabe is safe, right?” Sam tried to point out something positive, to which Lucifer nodded slowly. “Your dad can't hurt him and maybe things with Raphael will get better soon. One problem at a time.”

“If that idiot who calls himself our father would just die, a lot of our problems would be solved.”

“I guess you don't have any other family members around?”

“No, no one. I don't know where the hell Michael is and I don't care, all we got is dad and he's a useless piece of shit,” Lucifer sighed. “I'm sorry, I keep bothering you with all this crap, it must be really annoying.”

“Well, you have to talk to someone and I'm here. I’m glad if I can help somehow, even if it’s only with listening.”

“And you feel obliged to listen because of some dumb coincidence, don't you?”

“Do you really think that?” Sam wondered and gave Lucifer a curious glare. The blond shrugged.

“You don't know me, I don't know you, we're not even friends, even if everyone here thinks that,” Lucifer said, looking at Sam. “The one I am out there, the asshole that scares everybody by just looking at them? That’s a mask I'm wearing to protect my brothers. It stops people from talking to me and from stealing my time and attention, but you still didn't stay away. Why else if not for this dumb soulmate thing? Oh, don't look like that, do you think I didn't feel the same way you did?”

Sam felt his face heat up and looked away to hide his blatantly obvious blushing.

“So, I'm not making this up,” he said and bit his lip. “It’s true.”

“Yes and it's why you're here, why you want to help my brother even if you don't know him at all and why you listen to me rambling. It's not because you  want  to do it, it's because you  have  to.”

“I hate to disappoint you, but you're wrong,” Sam said and turned back to face Lucifer with a stern glare. “I'm not a cold-hearted monster, I would help your brother even without this shit going on.”

“But you wouldn't know him if it wasn't because of it, right?”

“No, I…” Sam blushed again, but this time kept his eyes on the other. “I wouldn't. But that doesn't change a thing, I'd still help him if I knew he needed it.”

Lucifer sighed. He looked into his empty cup, shook his head and got up to get himself another. When he came back he still had this very concentrated expression on his face that made Sam feel miserable.

“I'm not saying you wouldn't, don't get me wrong,” Lucifer continued, stirring his coffee. “But it's a fact that this soulmate thing exists and neither of us likes it. I don't have time for this, I can't afford thinking about it or allow it to consume me. My brothers need me, they don’t have anyone else they can count on. If I give into this I will be distracted and can’t be there for them anymore the way I have to anymore. I can see that you try to fight it yourself and you're starting to lose, that’s not good. It won't end well, it just can't. Soulmates or not doesn't matter, I can't afford these kind of things.”

“Do you know why I fight it?” Sam asked and Lucifer shook his head slowly, looking up from his coffee. “My parents were soulmates too and I saw what happens when you let it consume you. Mom got killed and dad just… he just stopped caring. All he does anymore is drink and yell and pass out in random places. I never knew what it's like to have a real family, a place you come home to and where you are loved and can just be happy. I only had my brother and the knowledge that soulmates destroy people. I don't associate them with love and compassion, just with coldness, anger and hate. If they were both still here, maybe things would be different. I’m the little brother in your story, the one that only ever had his big brother… it didn’t help strengthening my faith in soulmates.”

“And you're scared you'll end up like your dad, don't you?” Lucifer assumed, unknowingly hitting very close to home. “You're scared that you'll be unable to go on if something happens to your soulmate; that if they die, you won’t manage to live your life without them anymore.”

“In a way," Sam mumbled ashamed. "But that's not al, not reallyl. I don't know why I shouldn't be able to choose the one I spend my life with alone, you know? It's just not fair, I never asked to get a soulmate, I never asked to be played with like a puppet on strings. I have plans, I don't want my life to depend on someone I don't even know. It’s a selfish reason, I know, but it doesn’t change that I feel this way.”

“You're not as shallow as I thought you were,” Lucifer smirked at the other. “You know what you want, you're stubborn and determined. I like that. Kinda makes you less appalling.”

“T-thanks?” Sam didn't know what to think of this. Lucifer didn't try to flatter him right now, did he?

“I'm glad you want to help Raph, really,” Lucifer continued after nodding. “But I don't want to use you like that. You don’t owe me or him anything because of fate or coincidence, it would be wrong to ask you for it. Just don't do it because you feel like you have to, I guess, that's all I'm saying.”

“I don't do it because I have to, I  want   to do it,” Sam answered immediately, without hesitation. “Raphael deserves better and so do you and Gabe, soulmates or not. Even if we’d shake hands and never see each other again after this day I'd do it, because it's the right thing to do.”

“I can’t say I’m not relieved to hear that;” Lucifer sighed. “It’s just all too messed up, no matter what I do, it won’t work out. Meeting you was weird and kind of scary, I admit that. I didn’t expect something like this to happen anytime soon, it just wasn’t on my radar.”

“It wasn’t on mine either, in case that helps,” Sam smiled weakly. “I just wanted to study and become a lawyer to finally get away from my dad, you were not part of the plan.”

“Yeah, sorry for that,” Lucifer smirked. “I tried my hardest to throw you off at least, you gotta give me that.”

“Oh, I do,” Sam laughed. “I was so creeped out I whined to my brother about why I had to be punished like that.”

“Thanks.” Lucifer returned the laugh. “I guess he found it highly entertaining.”

“Yeah, he suggested a bullet to the head as the alternative of talking to you. Not really what I wanted either, so I decided to just talk to you.”

“Regret your decision already?”

“Meh,” Sam shrugged, not without a slight grin on his face. “You’re not what I expected, but I guess I could have had it worse.”

“You know,” Lucifer smiled, for the first time not only weakly. “If my brothers wouldn't suffer from it I'd actually consider to drop my thoughts on this whole soulmate topic. You're rather interesting.”

“You mean because I'm a stubborn idiot with daddy issues too?” Sam joked and Lucifer’s smile got a bit wider.

“Something like that, yeah,” Lucifer laughed.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Operation; Kill depresion; Avengers x teen reader

This one goes out to anyone out there suffering depression. I myself do not suffer from depression but I do feel like I do have some moments in my life where I feel like I can’t do anything but let me tell you that you DO have people that love and care about you. Whether it’s your family, a best friend, a sibling, lover who cares. Let their love guide you through your darkest days and never given into the darkness, cause if you do then there’s only one way left to go and there is no return from death. Now I hope you all enjoy this little oneshot and I hope that it makes your day/night better.

Taglist:

@evyiione

____________________________________________________________

Why? Why did this have to happen to me? I know I've been feeling sad and under the weather lately but I thought it was just because of the price I paid for working in this line of work, but apparently this isn't just a phase or a sudden urge of sadness, I have depression. I try to put on a brave face for the team anytime we're all out on a mission but as my depression worsened, the less positive and optimistic I became, so I decided to just isolate myself from the team.

I trained alone and anytime one of my teammates got near me, I would either turn away or just say one word before bailing out of there like a cornered rat. Part of me didn't want to do this I mean, the Avengers were more than just my team, they're my family with me as the baby and I love them all very, very much but with my diagnosed depression I just—now I just feel like I'm just a waste of space to them.

They don't need a baby on the team who can barely do anything except control the elements at will. They already have people with greater powers than me, so why even bother with me?I was currently in the training room practicing my water-bending skills when I heard the doors close and a voice said.

"Looking great (y/n)!" I lost concentration and dropped my water-whip and turned to see Clint and Scott.

"Hey sweetheart how's about a little rematch from last month? Ant-Man vs. Avatar" Scott proclaimed. I looked down and vanished into the shadows. I reappeared in the kitchen and decided to have a quick snack before I ran into anyone else, but of course I always speak too soon. As I reached the kitchen, I saw Wanda and Vision cooking together.

"Oh (y/n), right on time. Vision and I just got done making your favorite, chicken Parmesan". I looked at my favorite OTP of the team and simply stated.

"Not really hungry, sorry I uhh—I gotta....." I was suddenly interrupted by a blue streak picking me and I was soon on the couch with Pietro sitting next to me with the remote in his hand.

"(Y/n), I thought today we'd catch up on our shows, maybe get introduced to that Stranger things on Netflix".

"Sorry Pietro I can't I—"

"But why? (Y/n) lately you've been blowing all of us off I mean what is wrong with you? I thought we were your friends, why won't you tell us anything?"

"I just can't okay!" I screamed out. I soon took notice that everyone was now gathered in the living area and was looking at me in shock at my statement. I buried my face into my hands embarrassed and humiliated as I ran off as fast as I could to my room and shut the door and ordered Friday to seal it up before I finally ran towards my bed and sobbed.

Back in the meeting room, Wanda hit her twin in the back of the head making him exclaim in pain.

"Why did you do that Pietro?" Wanda snapped.

"I didn't mean to snap at her like that—"

"Well you did, nice going Speedy Gonzalez" Tony stated sarcastically.

"But he is right about one thing" stated Bucky. Everyone turned to the ex-Hydra assassin and he stated, "lately (y/n) hasn't been herself. She's barely talked to us like she used to, she's refused to have meals with us, and I can easily tell that she hasn't slept in days".

"He is right, both of them" Steve stated.

"She's suffering depression" stated Vision. Everyone turned to the android and Wanda said.

"Vision, I thought we talked about this".

"We did Wanda and I didn't read or look into her mind to find that out, but our teammate (y/n) is showing all the signs of depression. I even once caught her here late one night muttering self-hatred things about herself". Everyone looked down sadly and Scott said.

"Oh man, the poor kid, what can we do to help her?"

"The only thing we can do tic-tac, be there for her without smothering her. We're more than a team we're one insane, bizarre, freak show family, and (y/n) is our baby, and as a family it's our job to take care of each other, especially the youngest" stated Sam.

In my room I had all the lights turned off and my blinds shielding me from any source of light as I had sad music playing on my I-pod. I was pacing angrily in my room taking in deep, shaky breaths trying to make myself feel faint. I didn't want a knife cause that's too easy, pills aren't even worth my time, and Tony has sealed me away from any alcohol till I turn 21. So I would take deep shaky breaths and then decided to lose control of my fire powers and just burn my skin till I died.

The voices that rang in my head were telling me that I was worthless, I didn't belong with the Avengers, they just took me in out of pity, they don't really care about me or even need a freak like me. I'm fire and I can kill, so why not just kill myself with it.

"Hold on there (n/n)," I heard Scott's voice. I looked up in shock. I thought I had told FRIDAY to seal my door up, no one should be able to get in. It was then I heard a noise from behind me and when I turned around on my bed I saw Scott sitting there in full Ant-Man gear. He pressed the bottom of his mask and took it off and set it down to the side.

"Why are you in here Scott?"

"What I can't come and check on my favorite little Avatar?" I glared at him and he said, "Not helping huh?" I shook my head no and he muttered to himself awkwardly. "But in all other matters, we know what's wrong and we want to help you, so can you come with me for a second?" He held out his hand and waited for me to take it. The voices kept trying to tell me it was a trick and that he's only using me when a motherly voice said in my head.

'Take it (y/n), the only voice you need to listen to is my own'. I knew then it was Wanda who was talking to me. 'Go on (y/n), take Scott's hand, I'll block out these demons that haunt you'. I took Scott's hand and he told Friday to unlock my door and he held me downstairs.

I then took notice of everyone sitting around and they turned to look up at me.

"Hey, there she is". Said Tony as Scott led me towards the living room and sat me down on the couch and quickly left to change out of his gear. I remained silent before I said.

"I didn't know how to tell you guys, because I didn't want to be a burden. I already feel like I am so don't bother giving me sympathy, I don't deserve it".

"Kid, we know what you're going through, all of us have gone through it all our lives, and sometimes it comes back and hits us harder and harder everytime". Clint said as he came at me with a cup of (f/d) and set it down gently in front of me.

"If you think you're the only one who has faced depression, you're wrong. Depression, PTSD, guilt, regret all of us have gone through hell" said Tony.

"But none of you were diagnosed with it, I am! And you guys always find the strength to get back up and face another day, I can't! I just—I just don't have it, not anymore. No matter how I—how hard I fight!" I began to feel tears in my eyes. I then felt two people sitting on either side of me, I saw a grayish-blue gloved male hand over my left hand and a multiple ringed feminine hand over my right one, I knew then I was in-between a Maximoff sandwich.

Pietro was nuzzling my hair and whispering comforting words in Sokovian, even though I was still learning their language the words he was saying I didn't quite understand. While I could see through my tears the red magic from Wanda's powers was circling my mind as I once again heard Wanda's voice but she was singing a Sokovian lullaby I assumed, both the twins mother tongue speaking and singing soothed my tears and all I was now was just a hopeless shell of after mental breakdown.

"We know there can't be much to say to comfort you right now, but just know that we're all going to be here for you. If you ever need a person to talk to, woman to woman I'm here for you sweetie". Natasha said as she knelt down in front of me and wiped away my tears.

"And if the voices in your head ever try to bother you again and try to make you harm yourself, just call out to me, I'll be your mental support". Said Wanda motherly.

"As will I Miss (y/n), though human depression is still in some ways unclear to me, I will be willing to do whatever it takes to help you feel better" Vision said as he set down a plate of my favorite type of freshly baked cookies.

"And if you ever need to get away from all this, come to me, distance is no trouble for me kotyonok". Pietro said as he kissed my temple gingerly.

“Bucky and I could always use a date for movie nights, catch us up on all the good things we missed, and also to fully understand why some of the teens talk the way they do now" Steve said with a warm smile and a laugh. I let out a choked chuckle when I felt someone ruffle my hair softly only to look up and see Sam standing above me from the couch.

"If you ever want a good time in the real world away from the major Avengering stuff, you come to me and Vanilla Ice over there, we'll take you out wherever you want to go".

"It's true, or it can be just you and me. I know better than anyone else from what you're going through, trust me. Plus I could always use a break from chocolachino here" stated Bucky.

"Oh that's how it is huh?" stated Sam.

"That's how it is". Bucky then playfully shoved Sam away from me taking his place for standing above me. I then felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Clint and Thor standing in front of me.

"You are a brave warrior (y/n), the gates of Valhalla even praises your name for fighting this battle of depression, Asgard will be proud to welcome you should you ever want to visit, and I will be honored to take you there should you want to go".

"And if Asgard doesn't work out, you can always come back home and visit with Laura and the kids, they all love and adore you so much (n/n)".

"You know there's always room for you down at the lab kid, you're smart and you lighten up the lab with your elemental powers. So don't be a stranger and come down whenever Brucie and I are working, even if we're in the middle of something".

"Yeah (y/n), we could always use another genius, plus you even help calm the other guy down whenever Tony gets too annoying".

“Oh I'm hurt, dick move Banner".

"Steve, he said a bad language word!" cried Natasha.

"You know what Romanoff—" Natasha smirked at him making us all laugh including me.

"There it is, there's that famous (y/n) (l/n) smile," Scott said as he switched placed with Pietro and now he sat down beside me. "You know, out of all the avengers here, my daughter Cassie, you are her most favorite Avenger. If you ever went through in killing yourself, she'd be devastated, you wouldn't do that to a poor little girl, would you?"

"No, thanks for stopping me Scott. Thank you everyone, for everything you've offered to do".

"And we'll always follow through it, because we love you (y/n), we're with you till the end of the line doll" said Bucky as he leaned his forehead against mine. They all soon gathered me into the middle in an Avenger's group hug.

*Extended ending*

"So (n/n) what do you wanna do now?" asked Tony.

"To be honest, I haven't slept well in over a week, so I all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep".

"Alright, hop on I'll take you there" Tony said as he knelt down wanting to give me a piggy-back ride to my room.

"Umm I don't think so Stark, she'd rather want me to carry her" Steve said.

"Yeah right punk, she likes me better than you". Bucky stated.

"In your dreams Vanilla Ice". Soon everyone started arguing on who was going to carry me to my room when I was suddenly picked up and I was soon in my room. When I looked up to see who it was, I smiled knowing it was Pietro.

"You didn't see that coming?" He asked in that smug accent of his.

"In some ways I did, thanks Piet, and I'm sorry about our Netflix binge watching".

"No worries, you get better first, I can be patient for that any day" he said as he sat me down in my bed and tucked me in. I snuggled into my pillows and shut my eyes. "Anything you need before you sleep?"

"Maybe get those cookies and leave them here when I wake up, and a glass of milk if it's not too much trouble" I moaned softly.

"Coming right up" within a second he was gone and then he was back with my destined food objects. "Sorry it took so long, (y/n)? (Y/n)?" By the time he got back, I was already knocked out asleep. Pietro smiled softly then set the cookies down and put the milk in my mini-fridge and came back beside me stroking the hair away from my face. "Sweet dreams kotyonok". He whispered as he kissed the tip of my nose brotherly and he stayed with me and kept watch over me like a loyal guard dog.

Every few hours or so, another member of the team would come in and take over watching over me to make sure I was still okay and sound asleep. And when it became dark, the team all gathered in my room for a family sleepover. Quietly they all spread out their sleeping bags or laid down on either the ground or the couches and chairs I had in my room.

[karma-khaos]

Rough draft to my short film.

Fade in:

 EXT. Driveway- Dusk

GARRET, American mutt, mid 20’s, revels in dark humor, nihilistic commentary, and self-destructive behavior, refuses to cope with pain in a healthy manor, preferring to charge into impulse decisions with reckless abandon. Smalls sparks of his previous “happy” life style are quickly over cast by self-proclaimed pathetic despair. Dark when he doesn’t want to be, desperately wants this chapter to end.

[GARRET is walking up his drive way as he answers a phone call from his friend JOHN asking about the party.]

J: So dude, did you end up hooking up with that girl the other night at the party?

G:What girl? You know I never remember anything from nights like that.

J: That dime piece in the little black dress that was basically eye fucking you all night.

G:yea, not ringing any bells man, I honestly don’t know why you even bother asking my shit like this at this point.

J: Nah, you’d remember her, that girl was like a goddess.

“well im flattered, but goddess seems like a bit much.”

[As GARRET enters his room he see a beautiful girl sitting on his bed]

G: uh John, what exactly did that dime piece look like again?

[JOHN proceed to describe the girl sitting on GARRETS bed perfectly]

G: yeah, I got to go man, somthings popped up.

S:It’s Sam in case you forgot, obviously your little fuckboy friend did.

G: Um, what are you doing in my room?

S: I’m hurt. But if you need a reminder Garret, I’m here to help you end it all.

G: uh huh, ok yup. Look sweetie you got the wrong craigslist ad but it’s all good, I’m sure this shit happens all the time, so just let me get the door for you aanndd…

[as Garret turns around to get to open the door to his bedroom Sam suddenly appears in front of him]

G: woah what the fuck?!

S: You might not remember it but I’m here to help you end aaalll your suffering because you’re the one begging for it.

G: ok, ignoring whatever the hell just happened you’ve still got to have the wrong guy, you’re making it sound like I just wanna blow my brains out and I’m not interested.

S: oh poor baby.You might not be deepthroating the barrel of that little revolver you have buried in your sock drawer, but with the habits you’ve picked up the past few months…you’ve done nothing but cry for help. Just look at the damage you’ve put your body through.

All the drugs…

[Flashback to montage of GARRET doing various drugs]

Taking anything and everything  people offer you just try and pick yourself up out of a whole you dug self into. You start rolling away and dive head first into self-destruction, and for what? When it’s 4am, and your all alone high as kite driving the streets she’s never going to invite back over to vent on her front steps again.

[GARRET has a subtle hint of pure shock on his face, just trying to process details to memories he thought he didn’t have anymore.]

All the drinking…

[Flashback to montage of GARRET binge drinking]

Your poor liver. It’s only been maybe 6 months but I doubt your BAC has come down to a legal limit once has it?

Your friends…or at least the ones you have left must think you’re one of those real cultured hipsters with all you know about liquor.

But we know the truth, don’t we?

The only reason you know so much by now is because nothing works forever.

The rum won’t get you through the day anymore, the whiskey won’t help you sleep, and all your stories with tequila don’t end so cathartic, do they?

So now you just try to forget. By any means you can, you just drink and drink till every night’s a black out and every sunrise has to be met at the bottom of a bottle because alcohol poisoning sounds more appealing than facing your fucking problems.

[GARRET sits down on the bed, now visibly unable to comprehend how someone he thought was a stranger knows so much about him.]

[SAM seductively walks over to the bed, clearly with motive, mounts on top of GARRET and begins to whisper into his ear]

And the women…

[Flashback to montage of GARRET bringing different women back to his bed, like the way SAM is taking GARRET now.]

You can’t fill the void she left in you by filling up every girl with pretty face that smiles your way.

What was your plan?

Was fucking your friends supposed to make you feel better?

Was fucking HER friends supposed to make you feel better?

All the random little trollops you’ve found weren’t going to magically replace her.

But I suppose I can’t blame you, with a dick like that I can’t imagine id do things any differently;)

[GARRET pushes SAM off of him and gets up off the bed to finally confront her]

G: Alright that’s enough! I get it! I’m fucking bastard. And you clearly get that I’m a obvious mess too, so what the hell do you want?

S: I told you baby, I’m here to end all this pain you’ve been feeling.

[SAM’s eyes suddenly turn pitch black]

You see Garret, you swipe right enough on tinder and eventually you run into a girl like me. All I want is fulfill every fantasy you can imagine so that for a night you can forget all about your pain.

G:yea well you sound like a robot on tinder.

S: Perhaps, but I’m the real deal.

G: the real deal comes with a catch, so what is it.

S: No catch here, it’s a win/win.

G: Bullshit.

S: You get to have me; however you want for whole night and then a few days later I end all your pain. Then I move on to the next one, win/win.

G: stop being so vague and just fucking tell me!

[SAM erupts, cracks form around her eyes and mouth, manicured nails transform into talons]

S: I’m here for your soul you ignorant little heathen!

[GARRET now terrified on the floor in front of SAM]

G: Then….the why are we even having this conversation? Why didn’t you just kill me when I walked in?

[SAM now attempting to calm down]

S: Because, your different.

I’ve done this so many times and it always plays out the same way.

I look for the heart broken man, their the easiest prey.

They tell me their sob stories, I brighten their miserable lives for a night, and then I come back a few days later to simply take what they no longer value. Their soul.

And most of the time it’s not hard because they’re usually begging me to come back.

But you, oooohhh you. You’re an anomaly I just can’t get out of my head.

Sure there are men that hurt than you,

but your despair is like an intoxicating cologne I can’t escape.

The regret I taste on you is something I can’t resist.

The air around you is dark but greets me with a warm embrace.

Your pain excites me to no end,

But it’s this faint, awkward little glimmer of hope you don’t let anyone see that really gets me.

You force yourself to suffer with every moment you get to yourself, every time you picture her face.

But you don’t want her back.

G: I just want better for her…

S: But why?!

I can’t count on 1 hand how many women I can thing of who deserve a man like that and yet her you are just throwing it at her every day.

She only showed you compassion when it was convenient,

She was emotionally distant,

She was just using you for sex because, and I quote “You’re the only one who knows how to fuck me right.”

And to top it all off she cheated on you.

G: Yeah, and my emotionally wrecked response to that is really what ended that relationship.

S: A relationship she didn’t deserve!

Look, im supposed to come back here and just suck the life right out of you and move on.

But I want to offer you a deal instead.

Be mine,

Show me the endless passion you’ve shown this girl.

And I’ll help you forget.

The pain is like a scar and it never truly fades but I can make you forget her name,

Let you move on.

[GARRET stands to his feet and lets the choice weigh on him]

G: So all I have to do to keep my life, and spend the rest of eternity fulfilling all my fantasies with a smoking hot demon is let you make me forget her?

S: that’s right, anything you want.

G: well in that case,my answer is…..

No.

[SAM recoils from GARRET’s response]

S: are you fucking insane?!

G: yeah obviously.

S:This isn’t some indie art house short film!

You don’t get some magic award for being the most depressing, self-destructive glass cannon in the room!

G:This is simply who I am, and I’m tired of making decisions based on what other people think I am.

You’ve painted me in a dark and pathetic light But you need to get your fucking fakes straight.

I’m not some broken little play thing that needs to be rescued and fixed.

I may not have made the right choices to cope with my problems but they we’re still MY choices and I CHOOSE to live with them.

So you can take your offer and shove it up your ass.

[SAM licking her lips now]

S: MMmmmm, I would have let you do it had you chosen differently.

[SAM grabs GARRET by the throat, suspending him up against the wall]

What a shame, the good ones always make the worst decisions.

[GARRET smirks, as if somehow, he’s one a battle with his inner demons.  Camera fades to black as SAM’s claws swing toward GARRET’s throat.]

[honeyboba93]

Rumination

It’s been a while since I last posted.  In fact I don’t think I can remember the last time I did or what I wrote about without looking back on my profile.  Either way, both a lot and nothing has happened since then.

If I didn’t mention it in my past post (which now that I think about it, was probably about this specifically), Sam* (still not his real name, just FYI) and I moved in together with two of his, and by extension my, friends.  We are still living in the same town-home that we rented back then; we moved in in April of last year right after Sam and I got back from our road trip across the southern part of the USA from Virginia to California and back.  The trip was great, but really expensive.  Right after we moved into the new place, I got a new job at the local grocery store, which was willing to pay me more and was only 5 minutes away verses 40-45 minutes away through terrible traffic.  I still work there and also have a second job now working for a professional pet services company (pet sitting and dog walking essentially).  Sam started working at the same grocery store shortly after I did, but just a month or two ago, started working for a carpet cleaning company, which pays well, but he doesn’t really like so much because he is constantly tired when he comes home from work (it’s a very physical job).  I have been applying to a lot of jobs and I’ve gotten a couple of interviews, but I haven’t had any luck in actually getting any of them, either because I didn’t like the sound them as much as I thought I would or because they simply did not contact me again after the interview, even though I called two times...

We also had to kick out one of our roommates because after loosing his job, finding a new one and then deciding to quit that one before finding a new one again, was not working for months.  We had to pay his portion of his rent, which we could not keep doing of course, so we told him that he had to get some sort of job, any sort of job, even if it was at McDonald's or Wendy’s or something as long as he was earning something.  He wasn’t even keeping the house clean while he had about 4 months of time off from work and instead just slept and played video games all day.  The last straw came when, one, we actually could not longer pay for him to live here without any sort of monetary input, and two, when we found out that, unlike he had been letting us believe, he had not been paying his portion of the utilities.  Of course, because we did not know that he had trouble with money, we had no issue with putting the accounts all under his name, since he was really the one to find the place anyway.  We had been giving him our portion of the utilities to him since all of the money for them had been being taken straight from his bank account, but little did we know that he was only paying what we had put in, which was about $70 short each time (that was about what we pay each for each month for gas, electric, and internet).  We actually only found out about the gas bill first when a representative of the company almost busted down our door one day trying to get a payment out of us.  About a week later is when we found out that that was not the only one that was not being paid.  Needless to say, we had a few hundred dollars worth of overage charges and late fees, all of which could have been avoided had he been transparent about all of is, and also all of which he could not pay.  He owes us all collectively a couple of thousand dollars, but so far that I have heard, he is talking about getting another place with another friend of his that wants to move down here from Michigan.  He has yet to mention anything about paying us back.  He does have another job now and is currently living with his parents again, which I assume are not making him pay rent, but also are probably not paying for his food or anything, but food isn’t that expensive.  One of our other friends moved in to replace him.  Our new roommate is much more responsible with money; I know this because he wanted to finish paying off his car before he moved out of his parents house.

I however am not doing very good in the money department.  I barely make enough money to pay for rent and utilities plus food and all of the credit card payments I have to make as well as my car payments and insurance payments.  Most of the credit card debt has just been the result of the remnants of the hole that I was forced to dig myself into after my job at the spa screwed me out of hours and I no longer was earning enough to live off of.  That debt has just compounded into more debt and because I have that debt and even more things that I have to pay for (like lowlife, lying, mooching roommates who own me personally over $300, not to mention things like my car getting towed for no reason, random new tires because of stupid pot holes, and new phone screens because it fell off of a counter once even though no one was standing near it and it wasn’t even close to the edge...) and I just feel like I can’t seem to climb out of this pit that has formed without some sort of rope that has to be thrown in by someone else.  The only issue is, there isn’t really anyone that can throw a rope down to me because it would either have to be Sam who, even though earns a lot more now, really can’t support the both of us (as it is he already pays for a lot of stuff that I can’t pay for), or it would have to be my parents, which would mean me moving back in with them.  I wouldn’t mind moving back in with them really, except for the whole fact that I am living with my boyfriend who would not want to move in with my parents, partially because we would be living with my parents (not really an abnormal opinion) and partially because my parents live out in the middle of nowhere that is an hour away, at least, from any of his friends.  This would mean not living with him anymore, most likely, and that would, I can only assume, somewhat ruin our relationship.  I also would have to move away from the friends I have finally made with some girls who all live in this same neighborhood, which is literally the best thing that has happened to me in years.  This, however, brings me to what I was thinking about when I decided to write this lengthy post that is extremely ramble-y (I’ve been drinking a bit of alcohol, so excuse me a smidgen).  I’m not sure that I care about ruining our relationship as much as one would expect a person to in this situation.

I’m not saying, of course, that I want to go through that ordeal.  I’m not saying that I would rather move back in with my parents, because otherwise I would have already, but I have conflicting feelings.  I probably feel good about our relationship about half the time, and the other half, I think that it would make more sense for me to just end it and move back in with my parents.  Another part of me feels like I care more about loosing the friendships that I have now than I do about loosing Sam if I move back with my parents.  I am feeling all of this however with the nagging thought in the back of my mind that just says that anything negative that I am feeling, any doubts that I am having about anything, is simply because I actually have depression and that I should go to the doctor and get treated for it.  I am obviously not a doctor and a doctor has not diagnosed me in anyway with depression, but it runs in my family and I genuinely have times (like just before I decided to write this post) where I will be doing something totally normal, like watching a funny show (just as I was before this), but then I stop for a few moments to, go make tea, or food, or even just to go to the bathroom sometimes, and suddenly I feel overwhelmingly upset; so much so that I often will start crying if there is no one else around (if there is another person I just try to swallow the lump that forms in my throat and act natural until they leave or I can leave).  There are times that this will happen suddenly and then disappear again just as suddenly.  Usually, I have to distract myself with something, like a show or food or sleep, because I will just continue to roll the thoughts around in my head until they turn into even darker, more depressing thoughts that just end up making me spiral into a possible panic attack which I can only escape from if I sleep, and by sleep, I mean, sleep for a whole day if I can get away with it.  I would sleep for longer sometimes if I didn’t have a job to go to and other human beings that I had to interact with while at home or food that I had to eat or if I didn’t have to drink water or use the restroom.  Sometimes, like now, I can slightly numb the panicky anxiety that comes with the depressive thoughts if I drink alcohol.  It doesn’t always work, but usually it does; the only thing with that though, is that if anyone else is around to witness me “drinking alone” essentially, I get too paranoid about what they will think of me and then I can’t drink; you can see the pattern here.  I just don’t know how to process my thoughts because I don’t know if I can trust them; I don’t know that my thoughts and feelings aren’t coming from some illogical place in my head that really has no say in what I should be feeling or thinking about my relationship with Sam.

I end up over thinking things too much and I think it is keeping me from being happy.  There really is no particular reason why I should not be mostly happy about the place I am in in life, except for my debt and money issues, everything else is just fine.  But maybe that’s what it is, maybe “just fine” is not enough.  Sometimes I feel like I am not even seen by Sam.  Sometimes I feel like life for me really wouldn’t be any different if I were to live with my parents without him.  I wouldn’t really do anything different.  We barely ever go out and do anything, we barely even hang out at home, he just sits and plays his games whenever he isn’t working and then I’m just left to sit on the computer all day or to sleep, unless one of my friends happens to have the same time off work as I do and we can do something together, but that rarely happens too.

I know what you are probably all thinking, “Well, have you talked to him about this?” and the answer is no, I have not talked to him about it.  I know, one of the biggest things in a relationship is communication, but I don’t want to scare him either.  If it really is just my depression talking, then I will have worried him for nothing, but if it isn’t, then if I don’t talk to him about it, it might just get worse....  I honestly can’t find an appropriate time to talk to him about it anyway.  Like I said, he normally sits and plays his games all day when he isn’t working or sleeping, which is often downstairs in the common area of the house, which also means that one of our roommates could walk in on our conversation that will probably include a lot of crying from me.  This is besides the fact that when I am feeling the way I am now about the whole thing is usually when he isn’t around or when I can’t actually talk to him about it; I usually don’t feel that way when I am around him, which makes me forget to bring it up.  It does hurt to think about leaving him or him leaving me, it even hurts just to think about talking to him about the doubts that I am having, but I genuinely am not sure if that is because I do actually love him or because I just don’t want to be lonely.

I could probably write more, but I have gone on long enough as it is (as I said, I have been drinking and when I start drinking I have to have an outlet of some kind for my thought vomit, plus there was a lot to catch up on).  I am also starting to get really groggy from the time that it is, how long I have been awake for, and the alcohol.  If you did have to patience to read through this whole thing, I thank you and applaud you; I wouldn’t expect most, or really any, people to do so.  After writing all this, I feel like I might have a bit more confidence in talking to Sam about everything, so if I do talk to him, I will update with probably another excessively long post.

[jugggheadjoness]

the parent trap pt9 // archie andrews

The Parent Trap (9/12)

Words: 1.4k

Summary-Archie and (Y/N) separate, splitting their twin daughters between them. what happens when ten years later, the pair seem to be reunited in a twist of fate at summer camp?

previous masterlist next (pt10)

Kevin shook his head at (Y/N)’s drunken state and tried to hold her up and guide her towards the elevators. He was thankful that she had arrived at the hotel late at night and therefore making it easier for her to blend with the crowd. Amelia watched on as Kevin scolded her mother for being so reckless and idiotic. Her uncle trailing behind her pulling everyone’s luggage with him.

“Jones, you are ridiculous. How much did you have to drink?” Kevin asked, trying to contain his laughter. He could remember the last time he had seen her drunk. It was when they were fifteen and Oliver Mantle threw a party, inviting the four of them over.

“Enough for me to not remember ever seeing him again.” she slurred.

Amelia looked up at her mother, giving her a small smile. She couldn’t possibly imagine how she was feeling. After all it had been ten years and a lot of things had happened.

Archie patted his daughter as he passed her. Greeting her with a good morning before following his rushing fiancée. He greeted her once again, pausing for a second wondering how she had gotten to the place before he had. Shrugging it off, he smiled at her before following Miranda again.

(Y/N) walked into the Lodge’s place, make up smudged from her crying. Instantly Hermione and Veronica sprinted over to the girl who held onto her two daughters as tightly as she could. Fearing that if she let go they would slip away. Hermione took both girls in to her own arms whilst Veronica held (Y/N) in her arms, letting the girl sob.

“I can’t imagine how tired you are of arguing.” Veronica said, pushing her crying friend’s hair out of her face “How about you and the twins stay here tonight? We have a girls night and then tomorrow I’ll talk to Archie and put him in his place?”

“I’ll tell you this now girls, my mom told it to me when I was your age. One day, whether you’re fourteen or sixty-five, you’ll meet someone who’ll start a fire in your heart that will never be able to die. However, the saddest and most awful truth you will ever come to find is that person is not always the one we spend the rest of our lives with. I’ve never forgotten it and I hope you girls never forget it too.”

It was mid afternoon before (Y/N) had managed to remove herself from her bed, her head pounding from the amount of alcohol she consumed the previous night. Aria had switched back with her sister, due to the fact the duo had missed their respective parents. She sat on the sofa in the room, waiting for her mum to get up and greet the day. Amelia had told her of the events that occurred the night before when the duo discreetly went to breakfast together, hidden away by their uncles.

“Morning, mum, how are you?” she asked, looking over at her freshly showered mother, who grinned at her as if the sun wasn’t completely blinding her.

“Aria or Amelia?” she asked, raising her eyebrow, trying to scan the girl’s face that was sat before her. “No, wait let me guess, Aria?”

“You got it right!” she grinned at her mother, standing up and jumping into her mother’s embrace. “I’ve missed you so much, mum!”

Amelia sat by the pool, next to her father, who seemed to be deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowed and his brown eyes seemed to gaze off into the distance. He was so caught up in his own thoughts he managed to mute out Miranda’s rambling. She went on and on about how she hadn’t found a dress yet and whether Archie was willing to spend a lot and get her a dress made specially.

Betty and Veronica watched the red haired man from the opposite side of the pool, like the twins, the duo tried to make themselves discreet, not wanting them to be seen by their neighbour, who, by the looks of it, was not up for anything his bitchy fiancée was ranting on about. “Do you think he’s spotted us or Kevin yet?” Betty frowned, her eyebrows furrowing “He doesn’t look very happy.”

“Bet, he’s probably, no, hopefully, thinking about how he should just call the wedding off. Once he sees (Y/N), he’ll be blown away and have to cancel the wedding.”

Miranda scoffed as Archie, yet again, ignored her. “I’m going to the bar.”

She pushed herself up, nudging Amelia as she did so, making the young girl fall off the seat. She walked with a bounce in her stride, making both Betty and Veronica cringe.

“Is it illegal to side tackle her into the pool?” Jughead took the girls by surprise as he joined them by the poolside.

“It’s illegal to side tackle anyone, Juggy.” Betty spoke, trying to contain her laughter. “But you can try it if you want.”

(Y/N) sat at the bar, staring down at her drink feeling nauseated at the smell of the vodka. Though the smell of alcohol left her feeling nauseous, however she couldn’t help but feel comforted at her surroundings, knowing that it was the last place anyone would find her. After all, before last night, she hadn’t drank a drop of alcohol since Ollie Mantle’s house party.

“Excuse me, Sam, please can I have a coke instead?” (Y/N) smiled at the man behind the bar, who simply nodded and did as she had asked.

“Bartender, I’ll have a martini, thanks.” a voice broke the silence. It was three in the afternoon and she wasn’t expecting a lot of people at the bar at that time of day.

“Wallowing in self pity?” Miranda asked (Y/N) with disgust, neither women knowing about the other. “Your depressing vibe is ruining my mood, could you move out of the bar and into your own room?”

“Wouldn’t you be if you were about to see your ex-boyfriend after ten years?” (Y/N) retorted, already taking a disliking to the girl a few stools away from her. “I’ll have the bill, thank you Sam.”

Miranda watched the woman through the corner of her eyes, judging how she moved with elegance and grace. Instantly disliking her for being too pretentious. Miranda pondered about the woman. Her accent was fake, her hair was too shiny for normality. She didn’t know whether she disliked her for being too perfect or for the fact that she was day drinking. Miranda watched as the woman picked up the pen and signed her name in one unbroken motion.

“Wait a second.” Miranda burst out as (Y/N) attempted to gather her things together “You’re (Y/N) Jones, as in the (Y/N) Jones?”

“The one and only.”

“I’m such a huge fan, I saw one of your dresses in the June edition of Vogue. The lace pattern was breathtakingly beautiful.”

“Thank you?” (Y/N) was confused and it was clear, first this woman was basically insulting her, now she was her number one fan and she, quite frankly, couldn’t believe it.

“I’m actually getting married in a couple of months, maybe you could design my dress. It would be such an honour to wear something designed by you.”

(Y/N) scoffed, giving the younger woman a smile before walking off to find her daughters. She rushed up to her room quickly and changed out of her jeans and tee into something more tropical and suitable for the warm San Francisco sun. Throwing her hair up into a messy ponytail, the woman entered the lift only to find Archie Andrews already inside. Her mouth fell open as her eyes caught his. He hadn’t recognised her due to the fact her most of her face was hidden behind her glasses. (Y/N) stood as still as she could, afraid that he would be able to recognise her if she moved. Although she knew he was expecting her, she was unsure whether she was ready to be civil with him.

The elevator music stopped suddenly and the moving motion stopped, causing (Y/N) to let out a groan. Only this would happen to her.

“What are you doing here?” Archie asked, his tone of voice angry, almost as if he wasn’t expecting to see her.

“I’m here to bring Aria back home.” she retorted “Instead of moaning, press the stupid emergency button and get us out of here. I’m not here to argue.”

“Well, I am.”

“Archie Andrews, stop being so bloody childish. We’re not sixteen anymore.”