#had to wake up at 5:15 so i went to bed at a crisp 11:15

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[miaouerie]

whumptober 2020 ------ day 30. wound reveal

@whumptober2020​  Rebelcaptain Hunger Games AU: Cassian is Jyn’s mentor in the 70th Hunger Games. After being crowned victor at fifteen years old, Cassian is all-too-familiar with what it takes to bring a tribute home, and what becoming a victor really means.

content warnings: none

previous: day 1 / 2  / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15  / 16  / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / → read on AO3 

“And remember, Jyn: one fighter with a sharp stick and nothing to lose…”

“Can take the day,” Jyn finishes reciting faithfully.

Saw looks at her with pride, before lowering his voice. “It is my hope you’ll have more than a sharp stick in the Arena. Your mentor will be whom you rely on to improve your odds; impress him and he can get you what you need to survive. I’ve taught you plenty—but how far you get won’t be based on your fighting skills alone.”

Jyn frowns; he can only be talking about Cassian Andor. “He hasn’t brought back any of his tributes. How can I trust him to help me?”

Saw lowers his voice even further. “You can’t. He’s been in the eyes of the Capitol for too long. But he’s your only hope in the Arena. Therefore, your only hope to get out.”

-

Saw’s words rattle around in her head as Jyn lies in her bunk. The way the train car gently sways on its tracks as it speeds its way towards the Capitol could almost be soothing, except for the fact that they’re hurtling their way to near-certain death.

…no, she can’t think like that. She tells herself it’s only a reflexive fear, borne of the circumstances that she’s been forced into of all the sheer, rotten luck in Panem. If only she hadn’t gotten reaped, she and Saw would have been able to complete their mission, then abscond out of District 5 as planned. She could have been seeing her mother again in a week’s time. If only…

Well, no use in dwelling on it now. She turns onto her side facing the bulkhead, determined to get some shut-eye before the morning brings with it the next day.

And with the next day will come the next time she sees Cassian. What transpired a few hours ago comes to mind unbidden—she had thought herself clever for kissing him to quiet his words (was he really so foolish to not think about the train being bugged?), but after he spotted the Peacekeeper approaching he reacted in kind. Taking her into his arms in a false display of intimacy like that. And it worked; the Peacekeeper quickly left them alone.

But then there was that kiss before they bid each other goodnight. He didn’t have to kiss her then, did he?

Jyn forces herself to stop thinking so she can go to sleep.

-

The morning of their first full day in the Capitol has Jyn waking up to three sharp knocks on her door.

“Jyn Erso. Breakfast is in the dining room.” That Capitol accent can only belong to Davits Draven, their escort. “I’d advise you to eat before you have your meeting with your stylist.”

The stylist. Kay. She had met them and the other stylist for Joule last night when they were prepared for the Opening Ceremony. But she already knew who they were in the way that most people in the districts, from the Games’ mandatory viewing, were familiar with the faces of stylists and mentors and victors and commentators amidst the ever-changing pool of tributes. Kay’s surgical augmentations were distinctive compared to the Capitol trends that ranged between somewhat natural and grotesque; his body was covered with a matte chrome synth skin, save for his face and hands which were kept as—presumably—his own pale skin tone. His eyes shone with a luminescence in the viewing stands that she could see from the chariot as the horses pulled to a stop around the City Circle during last night’s Opening Ceremony.  

Jyn gets out of bed, selects a normal-looking outfit from the closet, and joins the rest of the party in the dining room. Joule is talking to Cassian, probably for the first time since he went catatonic at the reaping. But at the sound of the glass doors sliding open, their attention is turned to her.

“Good morning Jyn,” Cassian says, his tone perfectly placid. “Care for some breakfast?”

She sits there and eats quietly while the conversation flows around her. Compared to the intensity that radiated off of him last night, his conversation with Joule gives off the feeling of being polite yet distant; she vaguely wonders if he wrote off her district partner as she already has.

At the conclusion of their breakfast and after Draven comes to collect Joule first for the meeting with his stylist, Cassian crosses over to her side of the table and sits down next to her. “He’s pleasant enough,” he says about Joule, “but I’m not convinced he has a chance to make it out of the bloodbath if he freezes up like that again.” He gives her a wry look. “I trust that I don’t have to worry about that with you?”

Jyn knows he’s thinking about the way she slammed the cabin door shut on the train and then tried to fight her way through a squadron of Peacekeepers; she recalls the memory with a grin. “Trust goes both ways, right? I’ll show you what I’ve got in the Training Center.”

-

Draven brings the three of them down to the level that houses the enormous gymnasium they’re to train in for the next three days and leaves them there. Joule seems at a loss for what to do but Cassian offers to point out some of the more useful, rudimentary survival skill stations, so Jyn decides to take her own tour around the periphery.

There’s the weapon stations, of course: swords, spears, knife-throwing and the like. Then there’s the skill stations, like knot tying and snares and camouflage. Then she sees there are trainers available for hand-to-hand combat.

Her hands have been itching to come to blows with someone since that Peacekeeper held a gun to her head and Draven informed her, in his gratingly crisp Capitol accent, that there was no escaping the fate decided for her the moment her name was drawn in the reaping. She decided right then and there she was going to change it in her favor.

So she goes to the combat station and easily spars with a Capitol attendant there. It’s just like sparring with Uncle Saw, so with a few words and a jerk of her head she has the other trainers that were supposed to be available for other tributes join in; first, as two against her, and then she takes on all three. The sparring match finally ends when she’s knocked to the ground and a foot is planted firmly on her chest, but the grin the trainer’s giving her doesn’t seem  mean-spirited as they help her back up. It’s only while she takes a moment to fix her bun and catch her breath that she sees what an audience she’s gathered, including attention from the Gamemakers, and that’s when the lunch session is called.

Disappointingly, Cassian is nowhere to be seen when she quickly scans the people who had been watching her. But she does accept the invitation from the Career pack to sit at their table for lunch.

-

Jyn doesn’t see Cassian again until that evening after Draven comes to collect them back up to their floor in the Tower. He’s sitting in the dining room with Kay, in different clothes than she saw him in that morning. Not that she noticed.

“I heard you impressed quite a few people in training today,” Cassian says as they eat their dinner. “How was she, Joule?”

Joule has gone quiet again. He fleetingly makes eye contact between her and Cassian before he nods his head, once.

Jyn decides to save them from the awkward pause that’ll follow. “If you stuck around, perhaps you would’ve seen it.”

A look of surprise crosses his face before Cassian lets out a short laugh. “I would’ve loved to see you sweep three trainers, but I’ll have to wait and see you in the Games. It’s up to you if you want to team up with the Careers or not but you’ve certainly got their attention, both as a potential ally and an enemy; take care to remember that. I want the both of you to check out all the weapons stations to get an idea of what will be available in the Arena but make sure you spend enough time learning survival skills. And Joule…”

The stricken sixteen-year-old boy looks up.

Cassian softens his tone. “I’m doing my best to secure sponsors for both of you. It’ll pay off in the Arena but I need you to survive for that to happen, so make the best of the next two training days and then we’ll go over final interview strategy with Draven. Alright?”

Surely he must know that Joule doesn’t stand a chance, Jyn thinks. But there’s something in the set of his shoulders, giving her the impression that he’s giving himself a pep talk as much as he is to them.

-

The evening following their private sessions with the Gamemakers is when the tributes’ evaluation scores are released. For the gamblers the scores dictated the odds to bet on in macabre betting pools; for the tributes, each score was a sign of who’s a threat and who can be ignored or—for the Careers—who will be easy pickings. When Jyn’s picture is shown on the screen followed by a 11, the others congratulate her and she smiles her thanks as she thinks about Saw. Is he watching her on national broadcast? He has to be, if he’s still in District 5. Would he feel proud of her so far?

But then she has an upsetting thought: what if he’s already left the district? What if he was able to complete the mission without her and he’s already gone off to the rendezvous? What if he’s already written her off as good as dead?  

She can’t afford to think about that. After dinner she goes to the roof, wanting to get some air and privacy without locking herself up in her room. This will be the only time she’ll let herself cry, and then it’s game on. Tomorrow is the last day before the Games begin, and she’ll be spending the entirety of it with Draven and Cassian.

She finds a bench to sit down on, draws her knees up to her chest and hugs her face to her thighs. It takes a moment for the tears to come, as unused to crying as she is, but she lets out the sobs and sniffles as much as she’s able to without letting herself dwelling too much on her doubts.

When someone sits down next to her she somehow already knows it’s Cassian. He lightly touches her shoulder as if to ask permission, and when she finally peeks at him from the shelter of her arms he scoots a little closer and carefully wraps a comforting arm around her back.

They stay like that for a while until Jyn’s sure the tears have dried up. Then she asks, “Why’d you follow me up here?”

“I’m your mentor. You’re my tribute,” he says with amusement, as if the answer should’ve been obvious. “But… I wanted make sure you’re alright. You’ve held up strong so far, Jyn. I know you’re committed to winning this thing.”

“I am, it’s just…” Jyn bites her lip. “I can’t help being nervous.”

“Nobody can.”

“I keep thinking about the worst.”

“…Do you want help getting your mind off of it?”

Jyn can’t help how her lips quirk up at that. “Why, are you offering?”

Cassian doesn’t hesitate. “Whatever you need. I said it on the first night; I want to help you in any way possible.”

She knows there’s suggestive intent in his words. But the way that he says it expresses a pure, earnest wish to help.

So, she doesn’t feel bad when she leans in to kiss him.

-

She can’t help but think about that last kiss and the make-out session that followed each time a silver parachute comes to her in the Arena. She’s received ten so far; in the past Games Jyn’s watched, it’s the Careers who receive the most gifts from sponsors eager to help their favored tributes win. While there were some morally repugnant people in the districts who were betting on the same tributes, ultimately only those in the Capitol could impact the odds; nobody in the districts had that much spare money to frittle away gambling on the deaths of children.

As the Games continued on, the price of sending gifts and aid increased. Even in the Capitol there was a hierarchy to sponsorship, with only the wealthiest sponsors holding sway in the endgame. The Games commentators often interviewed those uber philanthropists on the public broadcast of the Games and so Jyn even knew some of their names: Laertes Crake, Cygnus Vondel, Trimalchio Plena. Having made it this far, she wonders if any of the boons she’s received were sponsored by any of them.

It’s nighttime in the Arena. Jyn rests in the shadows of a ruined entryway, taking care to remain concealed. An unnaturally full moon illuminates the ruins of the game field; the Gamemakers made it so that each night alternated between bright moonlight and the darkness of a new moon. With each night, instead of resting, the tributes found themselves playing a deadly game of moving shadows and evasion and hunts in the dark.

Jyn wouldn’t have gotten this far in the Games without Cassian’s help; he had sent her heat vision goggles early on. The gift enabled her to evade the other tributes until more death cannons were fired, and when it came time to go on the offensive she had a frightening advantage.

But that boy from the Career pack must have gotten his hands on a pair too, because how else could he have known she was going to ambush them? He’d cut her with his blade, poisoning her with a paralytic, and she had genuinely believed she was going to die that very night. But true to her mentor’s word, the sight of a silver parachute some hours into the darkness of a new moon cut through her panic; inside was a sweet syrup that faded away the worsening stiffness in her body and left her feeling rejuvenated. She was able to get some good, actual rest for once that night.

This night hopefully she will, too. Tomorrow will be the day she has to attack the alliance stronghold, otherwise the Gamemakers might decide to set muttations on them or create some other disaster to force them into action. As she starts to doze she thinks about him. Cassian.

Going into the Games she knew she had an advantage not even the Career tributes could fathom, by virtue of being secretly trained in insurgent and resistance tactics by her uncle. But she had also known that what Saw said in their last words to each other was right: she wouldn’t make it far without help from her mentor. She would make it past the bloodbath and survive maybe a few days, but when the real challenges began she’d get killed by something or other, and there’d go any chance of her making it back to District 5 to complete the mission and get away with Saw.

While Jyn knew she must have earned some sponsors with her score from the Gamemakers’ evaluations, Cassian was ultimately the one in charge of handling them and dispensing gifts to her in the Arena. He might even have marshalled for her cause when she was in dire straits, such as when she got poisoned by that blade. Back in the Capitol he must be doing a lot for her and she can’t even begin to grasp what all of that could possibly entail; she owed him more than she could put words to.

And better still yet, after each night and day of fighting to stay alive, it felt nice and reassuring to be cared for. To know that somewhere beyond the Arena there was somebody from back home who was doing everything they could to help you. Because they believed in you. If she died in the ensuing struggle tomorrow she could at least die knowing that.

But if… when she wins, it wouldn’t be a lie to say she’s looking forward to seeing him again. To thank him. To let him know he sustained her both physically and emotionally throughout the Games. That just thinking of their last kiss on the rooftop did something to help to temper her fears, soothe her nerves after the stress of each day, and feel more ready to face the world about to kill her.

She thinks about these things, tucks them into the warm recesses of her heart. She might be facing certain death tomorrow but she won’t let his help be in vain.

And then disaster strikes with the earthquake.

-

Time is moving too erratically for Jyn to keep up.

It had seemed immeasurably long when the earth and the Arena shook beneath her feet, sifting the crumbling ruins to dust and debris on top and around her. It was a miracle that she was still alive, that the collapse of ruins she was by had pinned her leg to the ground beneath two walls that fell to support each other. Her heart beat in absolute terror, loudly and wildly out of her chest, as she waited for the dust to settle and for any possible aftershocks to finally strike her dead.

But time sped up once more once she had freed herself and made it to the general location that the alliance hideout formerly was. One moment she was emerging from her almost-tomb and in the next moment she’s leaning against the remains of a doorway to catch her breath, hardly knowing how many tributes she could take on or how many even survived.

When that dust-covered hand grabbed her ankle she had fallen in slow motion; after the eternity of one long second she was on her back, coughing as the wind was knocked out of her. Then it took several minutes to dig out her last foe—slitting her throat had only taken a second—and longer minutes still for her to bleed out and die.

Then a hovercraft whisks her away from the Arena faster than she could blink. But when it touches down and she disembarks in a stumble, the first person she sees is Cassian.

He looked as beautiful as anyone Jyn had ever known; time slows down in the beat of two seconds but she doesn’t even make it into his arms before she feels a prick and her vision suddenly tunnels out. But she still saw him, and when she sees him still in the strange, continual twilight the sedatives keep her under she’s comforted.

-

He’s there when she wakes up.

It takes a while for the disorientation to wear off, but when it does she realizes that the warmth in her left hand is his hand holding hers, gently. Her vision’s still blurry but she doesn’t need to wait for it to clear to know that it’s Cassian sitting next to her, just like she knew it was him that night on the roof. Aside from his genuine smile he looks so flawlessly styled—manufactured—as all things were in the Capitol. She had liked the scruff on his jawline and the stubble heading down his throat from when they had boarded the train, but after they arrived  Kay had personally made sure Cassian’s facial hair was meticulously groomed. Not a hair where it needn’t be.

She wonders how long it will take to grow back once they’re back in District 5. Back home in District 5…

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“How long have I been out for?”

“Five days. The poison that Career used to paralyze you came from a muttation; they had to detoxify your blood and run a lot of tests to make sure that it was all gone. Now, how are you feeling?”

Jyn tries to answer, but the way Cassian is looking at her makes her feel a little floaty, a little warm; like maybe the sedatives haven’t fully worn off yet. But she does manage to say, “I’m feeling okay. Thank you. Really. For taking care of me in there.”

Cassian’s gaze softens to something less intense, but still profound. He looked at her the same way after their make-out session on the rooftop, so she isn’t surprised when he leans in to kiss her.

He has to prop one arm on the other side of the bed to steady himself as their lips meet. It’s soft, chaste; they meet again, and again, and then he leans in close to her ear.

“Do you remember our first kiss on the train?”

Of course she does. “I do; why?”

“Can you pretend like that for me again? Once we’re out of here?”

It’s said like a flirt, but his words snap Jyn back to full awareness of their situation: she has just won the 70th Hunger Games. She had been resting and unconscious for the past few days but once she’s discharged Kay and the prep team are going to prepare her for the Closing Ceremony. To be paraded in front of the Capitol on Panem’s national broadcast as the newest victor, with her stylist, prep team, escort, and mentor. And then she will be crowned by President Snow.

Her mind flits over all of their conversations. Are they in trouble? They had talked about treasonous things, but that was under the sound of a thousand tinkling wind chimes; she’s sure that Cassian wouldn’t have brought her there for a private talk to be eavesdropped on.

Or by ‘pretend’, does he mean how they faked a passionate moment to deflect suspicion?

That must be it; she can read in his face the plea for her to understand. With him this close to her, she notices there’s a tension to his body that belies the playfulness of his words.

Jyn nods before reaching to pull him closer to her and kiss him again. For now she wants to ease his worry; Cassian will tell her in due time, and then they can face it together. After the last two weeks Jyn is confident they can.

[sushiandstarlight]

Cookies: Chapter 17

This chapter contains today’s prompt “wish.”

Previous story: Of All The Beds In All The Hotels In All The World

Chapters 1-3 / Chapter 4 / Chapters 5 & 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16

Read this chapter on AO3

Rating G-Light Teen for suggestions, nothing explicit

Personal Note: I’ve officially crossed the 50k finish line with this chapter!  I’ll still be writing as this story isn’t finished yet and I’m curious to see what my end-of-the-month word count will be.  This story was meant to be a couple thousand words to get me through one or two days of prompt fics.  Now, it’s over twice as long as the previous story and it’s 2/5 of what I wrote on for the month and growing!

Okay, enough of my blathering... let’s get back to the fluff:

Crowley thought that the night before he proposed would be fitful, sleepless. That, perhaps, he would sleep in bits and pieces and have stressful dreams. It wasn't like that at all. Aziraphale had loved him to a drowsy state of peaceful exhaustion before, astoundingly, falling asleep before him. He lay as long as he could, gazing at the angel- watching his slow and even breathing and listening for his little snores. Admiring that he allowed him this vulnerability and so many others. He was still nervous, to be sure, because that's who he was. But a part of him had settled into place tonight: tomorrow he would offer the rest of his days to the best friend he had ever had and there was a certain surety that Aziraphale would say yes. He drifted off and dreamt of soft, white twinkling lights and cocoa and an angel's smile lighting up the darkness.

“Crowley,” the voice was soft and very close to his face. He grumbled at it.

“Crooooowley,” it was a little louder now, a smile curling the end of his name.

“Neh.”

“There you are.”

“m'not.”

Aziraphale laughed quietly and touched his face. Crowley cracked one eye, it was still dark.

“s'not Christmas yet.”

“It is, though.”

“Nope, still dark,” Crowley closed his eye and nuzzled down into his pillow, “Santa might not have come yet.”

“Is this what I have to look forward to when we get home?”

“You could let me sleep.”

There was a little shuffling and then Aziraphale's voice was closer.

“But I want to start the day with you.”

Crowley groaned softly and blinked open both eyes to find the angel's face close to his.

“There are those beautiful eyes,” he sighed and kissed him, snuggling in close. Crowley wouldn't say, but wake-ups like this would be more than worth the loss of sleeping in. He kissed him back, pulling him along as he rolled on to his back.

“I want to give you your first present,” Aziraphale smiled down at him.

“First? There's more than one?”

“Oh, yes. This one I can't give you downstairs, only up here,” the angel's hand trailed suggestively down Crowley's stomach and now he was fully awake.

“But what if Santa's still watching?”

“We get a reprieve between Christmas day and New Years.”

“Are these rules written down somewhere or...” Aziraphale's hand had found it's destination and Crowley shivered.

“Would you like your present now?”

“Uh, uh huh.”

“That's what I thought,” Aziraphale grinned mischievously- and didn't that do things for Crowley- and disappeared under the blanket.

-

There was a pile of pastries fit for royalty sitting on the table in the lobby when they finally made it downstairs. Aziraphale went for them immediately, cooing about the beautiful lamination of the dough.

Crowley sauntered into the sun room. The tree was lit in front of the wall of windows, showing off the crisp snow all over everything outside. It hadn't snowed overnight and it wasn't now. The sun was obscured by clouds, but the snow still twinkled. It was a picturesque scene and it should have made him want to hurl... But, what could be better than this, really? What better backdrop could he hope for?

He turned to the tree and now noticed that there were presents piled under it, wrapped in garishly cliché wrapping paper and done up with curly ribbon. There was a little pile for Gladys and one for Edie and another with Gladys' grandson's name on it.

And then two more little piles... for him and Aziraphale. Crowley squatted and blinked at them in confusion. In Aziraphale's were a large lumpy package and a large tin. In his own were another large lumpy package, a smaller rectangle- maybe a box?, and a tiny little box. The tiny box was wrapped in black paper and had red ribbon tied around it. Crowley suspected that one might be from Aziraphale. He wondered what could be in such a small box.

He meandered back to through the foyer and into the lobby where Edie and Aziraphale were now sitting at the table, discussing the ins and outs of good pastry.

“It's the lamination, if you don't get good lamination- keep that butter cold- it's a lost cause.” Aziraphale said as he munched on flaky little bite-sized fruit-filled pastries.

“There's another secret ingredient, you know. It's in all home made baked goods.”

“All of them?”

“Well, sure.”

“What is it then?”

“Love, you goose. You can taste the love that goes in to something that's made from scratch!” She turned her smile from Aziraphale to acknowledge Crowley standing there and he nodded like he understood.

“I can feel love, you know. I can sense it.” Aziraphale was still munching away as he talked, little flakes falling from his fingers and onto the table in front of him. He must not have noticed yet or he'd be fussing.

“Well, then you ought to know it's in there.”

“I think I can feel it, now that you mentioned it,” Aziraphale winked at her and reached for an apple turnover that sparkled with sugar all across the top.

“Gladys in the kitchen?” Crowley pointed that way.

“Yep,” Edie waved him off and he went to the kitchen, but paused in the door way when he heard his name.

“Your poor senses must go haywire around Crowley, then.”

“How do you mean?”

“He's bonkers-crazy head over heels for you, dear.”

“I don't really get any sense from him, actually. I mean I get a feel for him, but nothing specific I would call love,” Aziraphale cleared his throat, there was the sound of something being put down on a plate before and went on, “I'm not sure if that's because he's always felt a certain way and so I just chalk it up to being who he is or if I'm just too close to see. Either way, for a time I was convinced that he couldn't love.”

“That's just crazy talk,” Edie sounded incredulous. Crowley silently thanked her. He could damn sure love. He loved his Bentley and he loved stirring up mischief. But the love he felt for Aziraphale eclipsed both. It made him a little sad that the angel couldn't feel it, although it was probably best that he couldn't for most of their friendship. He wished he could change himself, even just a little, so he could show him the depths of what he felt.

“Oh, I know that now. It seems rather silly in hindsight. No one loves like he does. It's a safe, giving, selfless kind of love. I might not be able to sense it, but I can see it in his actions and hear it in his words.”

“He orbits you, dear, like you're the sun.”

“I suppose he does.”

“And you love nothing more than shining on him, don't you?”

“He..,” Crowley could hear him swallow hard, apparently choked up, and the desire to go to him was almost unbearable but he held still, “He believed in me when no one else did- including me- and he was there when my family abandoned me for their own selfish causes. If I can spend my life shining on him, Edie, it's something he deserves.”

“Now, don't you get me blubbering on Christmas morning. Eat another pastry,” Edie sniffed pointedly and Aziraphale went back to munching.

Crowley carried on in to kitchen and found Gladys struggling to get a turkey that was nearly as big as she was into the oven. He rushed over and held the other side, the two of them sliding it in together.

“Thanks- oh goodness, but you sure have a dopey look on you this morning!” Gladys wiped her hands on a tea towel and threw it over her shoulder.

“Neh, I don't.”

“Okay, if you say so,” she chuckled, “but you look like one lovesick fool to me. You do know you've already won him, right?”

“Just... sometimes I wish I could meld our minds so he could feel what I feel for him.”

“Oh, he knows,” she waved him off and started unloading the dishwasher. Crowley automatically started taking things from her and putting them away. Funny how quickly this kitchen had become home base for him here at the inn, “but I understand. I feel like that with Edie sometimes. Then sometimes she gives me this knowing smile and... I know she knows.”

Crowley hummed.

“Are you nervous?”

“Not as nervous as I thought I would be.”

“When are you going to do it?”

“When are we opening gifts? I see there are presents for all of us, you crazy woman.”

“After dinner,” Gladys said laughing when he pulled a face, “the anticipation is the best part! Kids, you let them run down on Christmas morning and tear into things. They're too keyed up to wait. But, we're adults now... We can savor the magic a little longer.”

“Savor the magic, okay.”

“Now, be a good lad and wash the potatoes for me.”

Chapter 18 is now up!

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (36/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Whaaaat? Two chapters in two days? What kind of alternate universe are we living in?? 😉 This is totally to make up for the last few chapters taking forever even though they’re literally just sitting on my computer!

Thanks to @imagnifika​ for her awesome art, @resident-of-storybrooke​ for reading these words and so many other words of mine (it’s a lot), and to @wellhellotragic​ who prompted me with the idea that inspired this whole thing all the way back in June!

AO3: Beginning | Current

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-/-

Killian fucking hates Boston.

It’s a great city full of good food, and in another lifetime, he’d mostly likely enjoy living here. Right now, the air is crisp with the scent of fall, and trees are in the middle of losing their leaves, the ones remaining a myriad of oranges and reds that remind Killian of sitting in a park in Cincinnati with his mother raking up leaves and then jumping into the piles before cleaning them up for the city. He had to have been four or five then, but that’s one of the first memories that he has. Looking out the window of his hotel room to a park that looks almost identical reminds him of that.

He should be happy, more than happy really, but when you’re trying to get to the World Series next week and are currently tied 2-2 in the AL Championship Series against the Red Sox on the way to getting there, happiness isn’t exactly the most common feeling.

And they’re playing in Boston tonight, and despite the fact that they won last night, beating both the team and the deafening roar of the crowd, Killian is not entirely convinced that they’re going to win again tonight. They could still come back from it by winning the next two games at home, but he’d really rather win here and then win the sixth game at home when he’s pitching and not have to deal with the nastiness of going to a seventh and deciding game.

Who in the hell wants to play sports for a living? It’s too damn stressful.

Losing won’t kill him, not at all. The fact that he’s having the season he’s having, especially with all of the ups and downs and lay-offs, is incredible and a full-credit to his team. But he got the taste of being the last team standing last year, and he wants it back.

Some players never get their hands on the trophy, and Killian is greedy enough to want it twice both for himself, his teammates, and his family.

And Emma. He wants it for Emma.

So, Killian really hates Boston and the fact that they keep putting them in close situations like this. Close games are often the best ones, the ones that have everyone on the edge of their seat, but Killian would kill for an easy night.

“The city isn’t going to implode just because you’re staring out at it with evil in your eyes.”

“One can hope though.”

“That’s entirely sadistic.”

He huffs and turns from the window to look at where Emma is sitting in bed (they’ve stopped bothering to get different hotel rooms now) with her knees pulled up so that she can rest her laptop there. He woke up this morning to her typing away. Apparently, she didn’t finish her work last night, so she had to wake up early this morning to send in a report before the deadline. Walsh’s firing has ended up having Emma needing to write more on top of her regular work, and even though she says she doesn’t mind – “I like writing,” she keeps saying – he knows that it’s kind of a kick in the teeth for her to have to do some of Walsh’s work.

The man is never fully going to go away, obviously. He and Brennan are like a bug that won’t die no matter how much you squash it.

“Are you almost finished with your report, love?”

“Yep,” she says. “I’m finished with it and have moved onto doing my prep work for today’s game as well as a little bit of online shopping because there are these boots that I really want but can’t decide if I’m going to buy.”

“That’s the hardest decision you’ve ever made.”

“Says the man who spends hours trying to decide which identical blue button-down shirt he wants to buy to ‘update’ his wardrobe.”

Killian scoffs and walks forward to flop down on the bed next to her, shaking the mattress with his movement, until he’s flipping over on his back and spreading out so that he takes up most of the space. Emma always hates when he does that.

“My clothes may not be as varied as yours, my darling, but it does take effort to look as good as I do on a regular basis.”

He turns his head to the side to look at her, a smile on his face, and she simply rakes her eyes up and down his body, very obviously perusing him. “You are currently wearing a pair of sweatpants that have a hole in the ass and a hoodie that I’m pretty sure has a permanent stain from some kind of baking accident. Your fashion sense is amazing.”

“You are literally in a pair of pajama pants with Snoopy’s face on them.”

“You wear the same two uniforms all the time.”

“Sometimes we wear the black ones.”

Emma hums. “Those are my favorite. I’ll stop making fun of you for things if you can convince the owners to let you guys wear the all black uniforms more often.”

“You were particularly fond of those on Players’ Weekend.”

“I’m a fan of a man in all black.”

Killian shifts on the mattress, propping himself up on the pillows until he’s mostly resting against the headboard. He can see Emma’s computer screen now, half of it covered with statistics and the other covered with Nordstrom’s website and a pair of boots. If there’s one thing Emma will splurge on, it’s boots.

“Buy the boots, Swan. Live a little bit.”

Emma arches a brow. “Am I made of money?”

“No,” he sighs, leaning over to kiss her shoulder. “That would be very convenient if you were. I’d never work again.”

“If you’re living off of my salary, you’re screwed because I’m definitely going to buy these super expensive boots. I think they would look really cute with the black suede skirt.”

“Ah, yes, I know the one,” he says sarcastically.

“Shut up,” Emma laughs, half-heartedly reaching over to slap his shoulder. “You do! I wore it when we went to dinner last week, and your eyes practically fell out of your head.”

Killian tries to think of what Emma wore last week, his mind blanking on everything at the moment, but then he’s brought back to a memory of the two of them going to eat at Palma on Cornelia Street last week. She’d looked gorgeous that night, her legs going on for miles aided by the heels, and they’d been late for their reservation because the street one block over was Jones Street and Emma insisted that he take a picture underneath the sign for her to send to Liam and Elsa.

He had not been amused, but in his defense, he really wanted to eat.

“Hmm, I think I do recall that one now that I think about it. You should definitely get those boots to wear with that.”

“I didn’t need your permission, but thank you for the approval. Do we need to be getting ready to go have breakfast with everyone?”

“I’m pretty sure breakfast is over down in the lobby.”

“No,” Emma sighs, clicking a few buttons on her laptop until he sees that she did indeed buy the boots. “We’re meeting everyone for breakfast at the café at the end of the block at ten.”

Killian groans and throws his arm over his eyes like the dramatic ass that he is. “That means I have to get dressed.”

“Well, I would prefer it that way. Your pants show off what you’ve got going on in both the front and the back, and I think you might get arrested for public indecency. That’d put a damper in the whole trying to get to the World Series thing.”

“Would you bail me out?”

Emma shrugs her shoulders and closes her laptop. “Eh, maybe. I might not have the money with the boots I just bought.”

-/-

They win that night.

It’s close, far closer than Killian would like watching from the sidelines, and he chews more gum than he thinks he’s ever chewed during a game. Rum would be preferable, but that’s not exactly the best solution when he’s got two nights until he’s got to pitch in the game that could bring them to the World Series.

Al really has far too much confidence in Killian for putting him in position in the line-up.

-/-

Killian fucking loves New York.

Sure, it’s hot and crowded and sometimes smells absolutely horrendous, but he loves it. He’s lived here for seven years, had his family live here for more than that, and he can’t imagine having to ever live anywhere else.

This is his home.

For awhile, he didn’t have one, not really. Everything changed when his mom died, the house feeling far emptier than any lived-in house should feel, and it only continued to empty as the years went on and Brennan became more and more of a distant figure. And as much as Killian loved Vanderbilt, that was simply a temporary home.

Manhattan? This is home.

One day he may like to move a little outside of the city to a place with a big yard and less traffic, but right now, everything he loves is here.

Everyone.

“Uncle Killian,” Lucy whispers, tugging on the hem of his shirt, “is it time to eat dinner yet?”

“Not quite yet, Luce. We can go ask Anna about it, though, yeah?”

He bends down and picks Lucy up, resting her on his hip while she wraps her arms around his neck so that she doesn’t fall. He’s picked her up thousands of times, had her little head nestled onto his shoulder twice that many times, but there’s something peaceful about it now as they stand in one of the sitting rooms at Liam’s house looking out onto the street in front of them as cars occasionally pass by and the leaves keep falling from the few trees that line the street.

They got in from Boston this morning, immediately went to practice, and then most everyone came to Liam and Elsa’s house for dinner as some kind of pre-game Friday night dinner to get everyone’s minds off of things.

There are more people in this townhome than it has seen in years, and he doesn’t think anyone is complaining.

Killian is a little bit, if only because his mind is very much focused on tomorrow and not screwing up to let everyone he loves down, and that’s why he’d walked away from the crowd in the kitchen and living room and wandered upstairs to the sitting room that no one ever wanders into.

Except for Lucy apparently.

Kids seem to foil all kinds of plans, and Lucy is not going to be having a fun day tomorrow since she’s most definitely up far past her bedtime.

He is officially an old man.

“What are we eating?”

“I think it’s lasagna. You know, like big spaghetti all moved together.”

“I know what lasagogona is.”

Wow, that was a butchering of the word lasagna if he’s ever heard it.

“You certainly don’t know how to pronounce it.”

Lucy scoffs, like she has never been so offended in her very short life, but she doesn’t say anything else as he walks down the staircase with the wood boards groaning beneath him. Immediately, he’s bombarded by people. Will, Belle, and Elsa are sitting on the ground with diagrams of seating charts spread out between them. Killian would have at least twenty-five questions about why they’re doing seating chart arrangements for the wedding tonight, but he already knows that it’s because they’re using Elsa to help figure out where to sit some of the more difficult people.

(He assumes he and Emma don’t count as those difficult people, but it really depends on how Will feels about him that day.)

Robin, Kris, Liam, Roland, and Addison are sitting on the couch in the living watching what Killian knows is Trolls because he’s been forced to watch it exactly seventeen times, and Eric and Ariel are standing in the kitchen with Anna cooking.

And, well, apparently Emma too.

“Are we sure we trust the blonde to cook for us?” Killian teases, putting Lucy down on the barstool. “Because I’ve had her cooking before, and I’m not sure we should allow her to feed so many people at once.”

“I’m blonde,” Lucy interjects.

“Yes, yes you are. Can you cook, little love?”

“Mommy doesn’t let me.”

“Funny,” Emma huffs, her eyes pointedly staring him down, “your uncle doesn’t seem to think I can cook either even though I’m only tossing the salad and am perfectly capable of that.”

“SoSo, we’re just going to forget the entire cucumber you dropped on the ground earlier?” Anna asks as she lays rolls out on a pan.

“What about the nearly slicing your finger open?” Ariel adds.

“What happens in the kitchen is supposed to stay in the kitchen.”

“Technically,” Eric sighs, “it hasn’t left the kitchen.”

“You guys are fu – fun,” Emma stops herself and changes the word, her eyes blowing wide when she remembers Lucy is in the room. “Luce, sweetie, do you want me to get you some carrots so you can take them in the other room to watch the movie with Addy and Roland?”

“Yes please.”

Emma turns around and opens the fridge, quickly grabbing a bag of sliced carrots, and hands them over to him for him to hand to Lucy. She takes them, mumbles a “thank you,” and then is sprinting to the adjoining living room to watch the movie.

“So you’re just bribing children now, Swan?”

“Yeah,” she shrugs, “but with carrots so it’s healthy. Babe, can you check my phone and see where everyone else is? Ruby said they would be here by now, but I haven’t heard anything from them. Or David and Mary Margaret. I guess they’re all in traffic or something, but it’s radio silence on their end.”

Killian bites the inside of his cheek to keep from giving anything away, hoping that his tan keeps his cheeks from flaming red. “Where’s your phone?”

“In my purse on the table.”

He nods his head and turns around, thankful that it’s a little bit out of sight of Emma, before he’s shuffling through her small purse to find her phone hidden behind every small object known to men. There is a string of texts from Ruby about Graham taking forever to get home and her almost leaving without him, and Killian sincerely hopes that Ruby didn’t actually leave without Graham. That would go against the plan.

Mary Margaret and David, though, are legitimately stuck in Friday night traffic, so at least he doesn’t have to lie about that.

“They’re on their way, love,” he tells Emma, putting her phone back in her purse and walking back to the island so that he can prop his forearms against the cool countertop. “Anna, you realize a few of us have to play a game tomorrow, right? I don’t think we can eat all of this.”

She waves a wooden spoon in the air, little bits of sauce splattering on the ground. “It’s called portion control. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

“Killian has. I haven’t,” Eric laughs. “Though, I’m more of a seafood man myself.”

“There’s only so much seafood that you can eat, though, before you become a fish.”

“You only say that because you don’t like it as much as I do.”

Ariel pats her husband’s chest. “Exactly.”

“Oh my God,” Will groans out, and everyone in the kitchen turns to look at him laying out on the floor. “This is impossible. Why do people get married?”

“I think you mean why do people have weddings,” Belle corrects him.

“I’m kind of questioning both at this point.”

Belle flicks a little name card at Will, and Elsa immediately snatches it back and puts it at the little diagrammed table where it’s supposed to be sitting.

“Why have a seating chart in the first place?” Emma asks. “Why not just let people sit where they want to sit?”

“My mother,” Belle sighs, this discussion obviously a frequent one, “is very traditional and specific about how things should be. She grew up in high society, cotillions and things like that, and even though Will and I mostly want this to be one big party, she has opinions. This is a compromise to make her back off until there’s something else she sets her sights on.”

“Huh,” Emma huffs. “Well, as long as I don’t have to sit next to Killian the entire time, I think it’ll be fine.”

“Shit,” Elsa mumbles under her breath even though the words echo throughout the room. “We don’t have cards for Emma and Killian.”

Laughter rumbles through Killian’s stomach as he walks back over to Emma to place his hand on the small of her back over her sweater before taking the strawberries and putting them on the cutting board to slice up. “Swan, it looks like you won’t have to sit with me because we’re apparently been uninvited from the wedding.”

“Damn. I guess we’ll just have to be wedding crashers.”

“I was thinking we could stay home and not wear uncomfortable clothes but still eat incredible food. We could probably dance a little too.”

“He means the horizontal tango, if you know what I mean.”

“We all know what you mean, Will,” Ariel sighs with a shake of her head but laughter on her lips. “But there are people here related to Killian who probably aren’t too inclined to hear about his sex life.”

“I’m not particularly inclined to hear about Emma’s,” David says, and Killian whips his head around to see he, Mary Margaret, and Leo walking thoughthrough the open garage door. “Or Killian’s. Though I hope they’re one and the same.”

“Okay,” Emma hums, dragging out the word, “we need a change in conversation, something like everyone greeting my brother and nixing this conversation entirely.”

“I mean, I’m kind of curious, but Leo is right here.”

“Mary Margaret,” Emma gasps, and Killian misses what has to be an absolutely priceless look on her face in favor of putting his knife down and walking over to Leo so that they can do their secret handshake that seems to change every time they see each other.

“I like you hat, bud,” Killian compliments. He tugs on the bill, and Leo blushes underneath it. “I think there are some other guys here tonight who would sign it for you if you want.”

Leo’s brows furrow together and the smile on his face completely goes away. Shit. What did Killian do wrong?

“Maybe another hat. I don’t want this one to get messed up.”

“Why not?”

“You signed this one,” he whispers, even if it’s not quiet at all, “and you’re my favorite player.”

“I thought it was your favorite because I gave it to you, kid,” Emma protests as she steps around him and leans down to wrap Leo up in a hug, squeezing him too tightly out of some kind of silent protest.

“I only asked for it because Killian is my favorite player.”

“You’re my favorite nephew.”

Leo rolls his eyes, and while he and Emma may not be related, Killian knows that he got that from her. “I’m your only nephew.”

“Which makes me your favorite.” She kisses his cheek, which makes Leo’s cheeks turn as red as the strawberries. “All the other kids are in that room right over there if you want to go hang out with them until dinner is ready.”

Leo runs off, and David and Mary Margaret take his place by stepping in and greeting everyone with a wave or a hug. It’s so many people, all of them from different social circles, and yet it’s amazing how well they’ve all managed to blend together. Killian knows that he started off with more people than Emma simply by the nature of his job, that most of the people in this house would technically be considered “his,” but he likes to think that they’re Emma’s too.

His phone buzzes in his back pocket, and he pulls it out to see a message from Graham just as Emma sits down and picks up a glass of wine.

Graham Humbert: We just pulled up outside. Can you send Emma out? Say something about needing help with the dessert. I think Ruby would like to tell her before she tells everyone inside.

Killian: Yeah, I’ll send her out. Congrats, mate! I’m happy for the two of you!

“Love?”

“Yeah?”

“I think Ruby and Graham just got here. Do you want to go out and see if they need any help?”

“Why don’t you do it?”

Of course she’s going to be stubborn about.

“I’m finishing this salad,” he lies, even though he really should finish the salad since he took it over from Emma. Will lets out another curse having to do with the seating chart, and there’s a reassurance from Mary Margaret that it will all be okay. “Just go help them. They have the dessert. You love dessert.”

Emma’s brows bunch together and her lips snarl, but she puts the glass of wine that she’s drinking down and stands from the barstool she’s sitting on to go walk out of the garage door and down the stairs. She’s going to be pissed at him for the entire walk out there, but he knows that it won’t be long. And curious as Killian is, he leaves the kitchen to walk over to the bay window so that he can look down at the street where Ruby and Graham are getting out of Graham’s squad car with boxes of pies in their hands. Emma quickly appears, her hands moving as she talks, and then Ruby puts her set of boxes on the hood of the car.

And while Killian can’t hear any screaming or squealing – Emma isn’t really the type – he knows that some kind of inhuman noise just came out of her before she launched herself forward to hug Ruby, squeezing so tightly that he imagined Ruby can’t breathe. And then Graham nearly drops all of the pies when Emma hugs him too. Killian chuckles to himself, a smile stretching across his lips, and then David comes up behind him.

“What’s all that about?”

“You’ll find out in a minute, I’m sure.”

“Secrets don’t make friends.”

“Yeah, yeah they do,” Killian laughs, smiling at David. “And I love how casually you’re referring to me as your friend. It really touches a man’s heart, Dave.”

“Watch it, or I’ll take it back.”

By the time Killian looks back out the window, Graham is gone, leaving Emma and Ruby out to talk. Killian is sure that they’ll be out there for awhile, probably far later than they intend to, and he knows he’ll have to go with them when the food gets here. The door opens then to Graham walking inside with the boxes. Ariel immediately rushes to help him, mostly likely because she likes to talk his ear off about all of the cases he can talk about (she’s very into True Crimes oddly enough), but Killian walks over to save him, grabbing Graham’s hand in greeting before pulling him into a hug and patting his back.

“Congratulations, mate.”

“Thank you,” Graham beams, his smile infectious. “I still can’t believe it.” “What can’t you believe?” Ariel asks as she swipes a finger through the whipped cream on a pie only for Eric to slap her hand away.

Killian looks over at Graham, silently asking if he wants to say something, and he nods, that smile still on his face. “I’ve asked Ruby to marry me today, and she said yes.”

“Congratulations!” 

“You did what now?”

“How could you not tell me this?”

“This is so exciting!”

“Whatever you do, don’t do a fucking seating chart for the reception.”

It’s this big, loud chorus of voices and conversations, and it pulls in everyone from the living room too so that it gets so loud that Killian is sure the neighbors can hear. Killian isn’t even entirely sure which legs belong to who for how much movement there is, hugs being exchanged between people who didn’t even get engaged tonight, and it all starts to calm down a bit only for Ruby and Emma walk in the door.

Obviously, things never calm down again.

Ruby and Graham don’t even get to spend much time with this group of people, especially Graham since his schedule never seems to match up with any of theirs, so it’s nice to see the overwhelming joy that’s there for the two of them.

“Congratulations, lass,” he sighs into Ruby’s ear when she finally makes her way to him at the edge of the room, her arms wrapped around her shoulders. “Were you surprised?”

“Yes,” she sighs, her laughter moving through him. “I can’t believe you knew about it.”

Killian rubs his hand up and down her back. “I had to make sure Emma was out of the apartment when it happened because Graham just knew that she would somehow find a way to show up if left to her own devices.”

“I think I could kiss you for doing that.”

“I don’t think that’s very becoming of a newly engaged woman.”

Ruby pulls back and winks at him before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. “You know that I don’t like following the rules.”

“What is this I hear about you knowing about this before it happened?” Emma questions as she saunters up to him, a soft smile on her face and the slightest bit of mascara smudged under her eyes. “I thought we had an agreement about lying to each other, twenty-nine.”

Killian hums and wraps his arms around her back, pulling her closer to him while her arms lazily hang over his neck. “Yeah, well, I was under strict instructions that you weren’t to know because Graham didn’t want you to tell Ruby.”

“I can keep a secret.”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

Her lip quirks to the side before she presses up on her toes and gently guides her mouth over his. “I’m glad you didn’t tell me. I like that Ruby was the one who got to tell me.”

“Me too, love.”

“All of our friends have to stop getting married. This is getting expensive.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have blown all your money on those damn boots.”

Emma slaps the back of his head even as she kisses him, and he wonders exactly where along the way did he do something right to get to have this be his life.

“Okay,” Anna yells over all of the noise, and Killian looks to see her standing on a barstool as if she needs any help commanding attention, “I know everyone is super excited right now, but let’s all be super excited over dinner. It’s time to eat.”

“Thank goodness,” Lucy breathes out. “I thought I was going to perish.”

“Where’d she learn that word?” Emma wonders as everyone starts laughing. 

“I don’t even know.”

The conversation and laughter never diesdie down, not when there’s that many people around, and Killian’s stomach hurts from it all, his face a little too. His nerves about the game tomorrow and all that’s on the line haven’t disappeared, but they’re not at the forefront of his mind either. He has other things to focus on even if his mind is getting a little dizzy at the thought of keeping track of it all, but it becomes easier as the night passes, the light outside fading away into darkness, and as children move off to go to sleep, Addy and Lucy to their rooms and Leo and Roland stretched out in a guest room until their parents are ready to go home, everyone else settles into the living room with a replay of last night’s game in Boston on so that they can all watch some more footage in preparation.

He’s sitting on the floor in between Emma’s legs, and her hands are lulling him to sleep from the way that she keeps playing with his hair.

It’s like magic, her touch, and he’s utterly under her spell.

“I’m freaking the hell out about tomorrow,” Will whispers quietly as they watch him stumble over a catch in yesterday’s game.

“Me too,” Robin adds in. “Honestly, the only thing that’s keeping me calm, especially since I’m not playing, is knowing that not only did we make it to the Series last year, we won the whole damn thing.”

“Here’s the thing, though,” Killian starts as he leans her head further into Emma’s lap so that she can scratch his scalp. Damn, that might be the best feeling in the world. “No one gives a fuck about what happened last year. That trophy on our shelf from last year? It’s old news. All anyone cares about is what’s happening this year. All we should care about is what’s happening this year. Everyone always complains about those guys who can only seem to live in the glory days when the glory days are long since gone, and we’re not going to be those men. We’re not resting on our laurels. We’re going to win tomorrow, and then we’re going to win the next four games to win the whole damn thing.”

“What if we don’t?” Will questions, and for once, Killian can tell that Will is legitimately nervous.  

“We’re going to, Scarlet. I won’t take another option.”

“Look at my little brother being all motivating,” Liam teases.

Killian does raise his hand and his middle finger at that. “Younger, you ass.”

“You’ll always be my little brother. I’ll stop calling you that when you’ve got three World Series championships to your name, yeah?”

“Oi, I know that I’m good, but I don’t know if I can rely on these guys to not only win this year’s but also another one after that?” Emma slaps the back of his head, and he leans back to look up at her. “I’m obviously kidding, my love.”

“Yeah, but that’s not a great way to motivate the guys for tomorrow when you had a pretty good speech going there.”

Robin coughs, something exaggerated and totally on purpose. “Killian saves his best speeches for right before a the game starts. Probably because he doesn’t have his brother and his girlfriend distracting him by making fun of him. Not that I’m complaining or anything. I’m all for taking that piss out of Killian.”

“Someone hand me a pillow,” Killian demands, looking around. “I want to knock the smirk off of Rob’s face.”

“That’s an impossible task,” Ariel starts, a bright, happy smile on her face. “Let’s go back to loving each other and watching game footage. I don’t know about you guys, but I want that trophy back. I get a bonus from both Eric and Killian’s contract for it.”

“I always knew that I liked you,” Ruby adds in, and everyone starts laughing, the long day and late night probably getting to everyone a little bit. “Do you share the bonus with your husband since he earned it? I’m asking the important questions here as someone who is about to get married?”

“Rubes.” Emma curls her fingers in his hair and shakes her head. “Are you about to be one of those people who works in that you’re engaged all the time?”

“For the next two weeks, you bet your ass I am. It would normally only be a week, but since I think all we’re about to talk about now is baseball, I’m asking for two.”

“I would expect nothing less than you.”

Everyone leaves eventually with sleepy smiles on their faces and leftovers in hand, and as nervous as Killian still is, he finds yet again that it’s not at all like last year when he was going through this all. He’s got Emma curled up next to him in bed and a happy life outside of work, and at the end of the day, his life won’t be over if they lose.

He simply doesn’t like losing.

-/-

Killian’s arm feels fine.

Good. Great even. It’s the best it’s felt in months, even if he’s still a little timid with how much he’s using it and the fear of it screwing up again since there is such a risk for that, but he feels good standing out here under the heat of the sun with thousands of people milling in the stands and thousands more sitting at home watching on their television just wondering if today is going to be the day that the Yankees officially cement their spot in the World Series with the Dodgers already waiting there.

It could be a repeat of last year, just like everyone thought it would be, and Killian damn well intends to make those thoughts come true. They’re not resting on the laurelsrelying on what happened  of last year. They’re doing it for themselves once more like it’s all brand new and they don’t know the high of being at the top of the world.

Sweat trickles down Killian’s forehead past his cap, and he reaches up to remove his hat for a second while he wipes the sweat away with his forehead. It’s not hot out today, only around sixty degrees, but Killian’s skin is on fire with the rapid beating of his heart that hasn’t calmed down since this morning.

One. Two. Three.

Strike.

One. Two. Three.

Ball.

One. Two. Three.

Strike.

One. Two. Three.

Strike, he’s out.

Travis is out, the top of the fourth inning is over, Killian has thrown some damn good pitches in tight situations to keep the Sox from scoring, and the Yankees are up 4-0.

There’s still a long game to go, though.

Not for Killian, though. He’s out for the day. He knew going in that Al wouldn’t keep him in for longer than this. Honestly, he’s surprised that he allowed it for this long, but this is all so they’ll stay in the correct pitching order if they make it to the Series.

When.

Not if.

Killian wants to stay in the dugout and watch from out here, but he knows that he has to go inside and get massaged and do his cool-down exercises. He can watch from one of the televisions with everyone else who’s inside and make his way back out toward the end of the game.

It’s like all at once these games are five minutes and then suddenlysuddenly, they’re five hours.

But the time does pass as Killian goes through his routines to make sure that he’s healthy and that his arm is healthy, and by the time that he’s back out in the dugout changed into a pair of clean joggers and a pullover, his hat from earlier long gone, it’s the top of the ninth with two outs, only one man on base, and the score highly in their favor.

If they blow a 9-2 lead, they deserve to have to play it all out in a deciding game tomorrow.

“Come on, Lance,” Killian shouts out, banging his hands against the railing. “Just one more throw. One more strike, and you’re done.”

“He’s going to mess up if you keep yelling at him like that,” Al spits out as he chews on the gum he’s always chewing.

“No, no he’s not. He’s got this. We’ve got this.”

“You have far more optimism than any sideline coach should have.”

Killian turns his head to look at Al, a smile stretching across his lips. “It’s a damn good thing I’m not a coach then.”

And then there’s the sound of Lance’s ball hitting Will’s glove, the yell of the word “strike,” and the roar of the New York crowd as the game finishes.

They’re going to the World Series.

Killian’s heart pounds in his chest, emotion welling up in his throat, and all of the sounds become muted. Every single one of them except for his heart and the blood running through his veins. People yell and shout and scream, but he can’t hear any of it as he rushes out into the field to join his teammates where they’re jumping up and down, arms wrapped around each other as they become a mesh of one instead of twenty different men, those who played today and those who didn’t.

Someone pats his back, and the noises come back, cheers of celebration and curses and familiar voices of the people who he spends his life with.

They’re not resting on their laurels of last year, he thinks to himself once more. They’re achieving new things.

“Jones,” Lance calls out as the pile disperses and everyone starts moving around the field, “your girlfriend wants an interview with us.”

Killian arches a brow, spinning on his heel to try to find Emma, and he sees her standing with a microphone in her hand and Jeff standing with the camera behind her. She’s wearing the damn boots, the ones she just ordered, and if there wasn’t already a smile on his face, that would cause his lips to reach his ears.

He has no idea why Emma wants to interview him when there were five innings played without him, when Lance and Eric and Will are the guys who deserve the attention and the praise, but he knows that a lot of the time Emma isn’t in charge of who she interviews. That’s left up to the people behind the scenes.

Killian wants to kiss Emma and the smile on her face, wants to wrap her up in a hug, but he holds back, stepping up to her with Lance next to him as Frank Sinatra begins to play over the speakers. He’d think that he’d get tired of this song, but it never gets old.

“Congratulations,” Emma starts, her hand reaching up to adjust her earpiece. “That was just an incredible game. How does it feel to be going to the World Series for the second year in a row?”

She holds the microphone out to Lance. “No, no. Let Jones answer first. He usually takes the words right out of my mouth.”

“You sure?”

He nods his head, and Emma moves the microphone over to him. “Well, what do you say twenty-nine? How does it feel?”

Killian reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “I can’t curse, can I?”

“Only if you want to pay a fine.”

“Right then,” he laughs, smiling down at Emma and completely ignoring the camera. “It feels good. Better than good. This season has obviously had its ups and downs, especially for me, and I’m happy that I didn’t let this team down when they deserve so much. I’m – ”

Killian stops talking when all of the sudden Emma starts darting in the other direction, and by the time that he realizes what’s going on, the cool feel of Gatorade is being poured down on top of him so that chill bumps rise on his arms and his clothes cling to his skin. Killian sees Lance first and sees him shaking out the sticky liquid from his uniform, and then he sees Will and Eric running away with the orange container where the Gatorade once was. But then he sees Emma a few feet away absolutely laughing her ass off, and even if it goes against their agreement about how they’re going to act when working, he can’t stop himself from running toward her and immediately wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her to him as her hands push at his chest and laughter passes through her lips.

“You’re covered in Gatorade,” she laughs, still pushing at him even if he knows it’s not a true effort. “It’s sticky.” “And you ran way and let it happen.”

“Which was obviously useless considering I’m going to be covered in it now.”

“Exactly the point,” he chuckles while Emma stops squirming against him and casually wraps her arms around his neck, obviously having accepted that she’s going to be covered in Gatorade too. “We’re going to the World Series, Swan.”

“I know.” And then she kisses him.

-/-

-/-

Tag list: @authorarsinoe​ @stunningswan​ @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog​ @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​ @carpedzem​ @tornadoamy​

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

happiness

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while?                                                                                                    lie around ofc

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit?                                                                          one of my close friends! we do it a couple times a week, it wasn’t a new thing but I do hope some of my other friends can get into video calling!

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink?                        bc (before covid)  maybe a once a week or less depending how much money my friends and I have

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there?                                                                                  each has pros and cons and I like them both equally, I guess if I’m with my friends I like going to a restaurant but if I’m along then takeaway is perfect

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)?                                                                                              pret and I opt for a matcha latte

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud?              vibrate throughout the day but silent whilst sleeping

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened?                                                                                                    I sadly don’t anymore!

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop?                                    my friend works at waterstones so I went to collect books that I got discounted

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon?                                    the learner plates to stick on your car whilst practising

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s?                                                        literally years ago and it would have been with the owner 

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment?                                Vivienne Westwood necklace, I never take it off 

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they?  nope

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online?           maybe I don’t really know what I use 

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of?                                                                                                                  Semisonic, I just love the song F.N.T

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink?                                                peppermint tea

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to?                                                                I tried to make lentil curry and it turned out great, but ofc I was only cooking for me so I was easily pleased

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in?                                                                                  nah, I think black cats are adorable

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive?                                                                              I’d eat it

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should?                  usually yes, but covid has prevented me from going

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband?                                                      I was around 10 and we had broadband

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs?                          nope

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD?                5 months ago but it got lost in transit so I was refunded, I will try to repurchase it sometime 

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often?                                    legs and under arms a couple times a week maybe less if I get lazy

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season?                                                                              Autumn has crisp air but blue skies and sunny spells, it is my favourite type of weather

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself?                                          the other day whilst I was curly my hair

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it?                                          nope, touch wood

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place?                                        Bridgerton on Netflix, I saw the trailer and thought yes this is aimed at me

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite?                                              I think Maleficent was done really well and I don’t have a least favourite

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day?                                                                          nope, just workout, go for a walk, decide what I am packing to move in with my mum

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments?                                                                                                      I have no qualms as long as the dog is happy and loved

[jj-lynn21]

Get to know me, kind of...

50 Questions Tag 1. What color is your hairbrush? bland and hot pink 2. Name a food you never eat: liver 3. Are you usually too warm or too cold? Too cold 4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? taking a two mile walk with my dog. 5. What’s your favorite candy bar? whatchamacallit 6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes, Cleveland Indians years ago. Not big on watching sports. 7. What’s the last thing you said out loud? “take a nappy. Its ok." My dog saw a fly and went balistic and hid under the chair until I convinced him I got the bug out. He is sleeping now. 8. What’s your favorite ice cream? butter peacan 9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Hint crisp apple 10. Do you like your wallet? Its cute, pink, holds cellphone and cards I need most. 11. What’s the last thing you ate? spicy sausage and rice 12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no 13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Probably baseball 14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? cheese and carmel mix 15. Who’s the last person you sent a text to? Mom 16. Ever go camping? Lots of times when young in a camper. Once that I can remember in a tent. It was awful. I rather sleep in car than on the ground. 17. Do you take vitamins? yes 18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No. 19. Do you have a tan? Yes 20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza? Pizza 21. Do you drink soda through a staw? No, don't really drink soda or pop as we mostly call it in ohio 22. What color socks do you usually wear? depends on what I wear. I wear more of my pink, blue and orange socks than white or black but that can change depending on what I wear each week. 23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? YES! I have to work on not speeding. Had my newest car up to 102 miles per hour once. 24. What terrifies you? Sharks, watched Jaws to young maybe. 25. Look to your left, what to you see? cellphone on standing charger. 26. What chore do you hate the most? Cleaning bathroom, toilet & hair in drain is grossest. 27. What do you think when you hear an Australian accent? Koalas, kangaroos, Chris Hemsworth... 28. What’s your favorite soda? Pepsi is I drink any 29. Do you go in fast food or in the drive through? Drive thru.. 30. What’s your favorite number? 21 31. Who’s the last person you talked to? Mom 32. Favorite cut of beef? I don't really eat red meat. I love chicken 33. Last song you listened to? Chainsmokers Paris 34. Last book you read? The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock 35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No. 36. Favorite day of the week? Friday 37. How do you like your coffee? sweeter the better. flavored creamer. 38. Favorite pair of shoes? I have six inch wedge heels that are great for dancing. But I wear my grey, dark blue and pink asics daily 39. Time you normally wake up? 6:45am-7am. 40. Sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets 41. How many blankets on your bed? one with two sheets in winter. Now just a sheet. 42. Describe your kitchen plates? clear glass, but mostly use paper with flower designs. 43. Describe your kitchen at the moment? pleasant 44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? chocolate Martini's are great when I am vacationing. In hot weather I love a pina colada. 45. Do you play cards? Not in a long while, it was fun with alcohol involved I think. 46. What color is your car? red 47. Can you change a tire? no 48. Your favorite state, province, country, etc.? I like California but haven't been in awhile. Getting to Florida is easier & cheaper. Canada was fun to visit when I was young. And when I was 18 & drinking age was 21 in US I could go drink in Canada. Too friends for their 18th birthdays. Stumpled back to hotels. It was always awsome. 49. Favorite job you’ve had? Entertainment reporter local stringer for MTV. Any entertainment reporting I did was fun. Just paid perks. 50. How did you get your biggest scar? Kidney transplant patient so first transplant was when I was 9 and the scare on my stomach is rediculous.

Tagging: Everyone and anyone who would like to do this 🙂

[s-ongbir-d]

I was tagged by @mixmio ! Thank u!

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a brown bamboo one!

2. name of a food you never eat?

Meat, fish, etc. Veggie boy right here!

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

I only wear long sleeves so almost certainly too warm

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Painting a phone case for my phone

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?

Twix! Twix! Twix!

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes actually, I went to see a qualifying thing for some event back in like. Year 5.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

"is the oven on"

8. what is your favourite ice cream?

Listen to me. Listen. Ben n Jerry's Phish food. That is all.

9. what is the last thing you had to drink?

Orange Juice!

10. do you like your wallet?

It is alright, I stole it from my mam when I needed a new one so it's not my first choice. I'd like to make my own someday.

11. what was the last thing you ate?

Aero mousse! Very good.

12. did you buy any new clothes last week?

I haven't bought new anything in months.

13. last sporting event you watched?

Like. The 2020 Olympics? I don't watch sport

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn?

Caramel popcorn is godtier and I am going to fight for this.

15. who was the last person you sent a message to?

Uhhh my lovely dnd discord so

16. ever go camping?

I have in my back garden but never like. Out in the actual outdoors.

17. do you take vitamins?

I'm supposed to but Christ can I ever remember.

18. do you go to church every Sunday?

Uhhh. No. No god here, mate.

19. do you have a tan?

God no, I spend 5 mins in gentle sunlight and I burn to a crisp

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Pizza, if only because I literally can't remember the last time I had Chinese food

21. do you drink soda with a straw?                      

Only at fast food places

22. what colour socks do you wear?

Whatever I find in the drawer first! It's bad luck to wear matching socks.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I do not own a car and do not have a drivers license. I'm pretty sure I'm legally not allowed one but I'd have to check some things.

24. what terrifies you?

Would you like an itemised list? In short, pretty much everything.

25. look to your left what do you see?

A wall!

26. what chore do you hate?

Hoovering, taking out the bin, anything that involves rubbish or loud noises, really.

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

Like. Australia? It's weird to hear it so it's very much a "Oh theirs an Australian?"

28. what’s your favourite soda?

Pepsi max Cherry is God tier and I don't care it's probably rotting my insides. I like the bûbbles

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru?

Into, as if any of my friends or I can drive

30. who was the last person you talked to?

My mother, discussing the fucked up bread we accidentally made!

31. favourite cut of beef?

Vegetarian babey

32. last song you listened to?

Odin by the Mechanisms

33. last book you read?

That would be Carry On by Rainbow Rowell!

34. can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards what?

35. how do you like your coffee?

Frappe! If it doesn't taste like a milkshake why drink it?

36. favourite pair of shoes?

An old pair of converse that have seen me through some shit. Still going strong!

37. the time you normally go to bed?

Go to bed? I never fuckin leave the thing. Go to sleep is normally around 11pm, though.

38. the time you normally wake up?

Between 7 and 8 to help with morning school runs (when we aren't in a quarantine, ofc!)

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

Sunsets! Watching the sky go beautiful colours and then seeing all the stars come out? Magical!

40. how many blankets are on your bed?

Two! My duvet and another one that I use as a mattress topper over my mattress topper.

41. describe your kitchen plates?

Harvested and stolen from various other family members over the years

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

Bubblegum Daiquiris, top tier drink, absolutely delicious. If I'm at a gaff though, then your looking at either WKD or Sours.

43. do you play cards?

I can play cards (college gets real boring quick) but don't anymore

44. what colour is your car?

I don't have a car and never will! Neither does my family! Whatever colour the bus is on the day

45. can you change a tire?

Nope!

46. your favourite province?

I'm sorry what does this say in English. Is this like a county? If so, Merseyside. Which I'm not even sure is a county. I have a geography a-level.

47. favourite job you’ve had?

Dogsitting! Getting paid to play with dogs? Hell yeah dude!

48. how did you get your biggest scar?

That would probably be the one on my chin, which I got when I collapsed down some carpeted stairs and managed to carpet burn all the skin off of my chin, when I was 11!

49. what did you do today that made someone happy?

I gave my nephew a hug, and he loves getting hugs, so! That.

I'll tag @left-hand-of-earthsea and @i-looktothe-stars , if they'd like to do so!

[space-x-cowgirl]

Y’all are gonna hate me for this but I’m bored

1. Name: Ashley.

2. Nickname(s): Ash, Stinks.

3. Birthday: June 26’th.

4. That makes you (age): 21.

5. Where were you born (city): Manchester NH.

6. Location right now (planet :lol:): My moms apartment.

7. Shoe size: 9 1/2.

8. How many piercings?: 1.

9. Tattoos?: None.

10. When you wake up you're: Bitchy.

11. When your about to sleep you're: Restless.

12. Zodiac sign: Cancer.

13. Chinese sign: No idea.

14. Righty or Lefty: Righty.

15. Innie or Outie: Outie.

16. School: I graduated high school from Pembroke Academy.

Section Two: Looks

17. Nationality: White.

18. Hair colour: Black.

20. Weight: 120.

21. Height: 5’4.

22. Braces? No.

23. Glasses? Yes.

Section Three: Private Life

24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend? I have both.

25. If so, who? None ya.

26. If not, do you have a crush on someone? N/A.

27. Who has a crush on you? Hopefully my girlfriend and boyfriend.

28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf? Yes.

29. Who was your first kiss: Ben Krygeris.

30. Who was your last kiss: Tristyn.

31. Are you a virgin? No.

32. Ever had a threesome before? Yes.

33. NQ- Every been swarmed by ladybugs?: No

34. Have you ever been in love? Yes.

35. Broken any hearts? Yes.

36. Got your heart broken? Yes.

37. Ever liked a friend? Yes.

38. What happened? He liked me too but it didn’t work out.

Section Four: Past Relationships

39. How many relationships have you been in? Like 10.

40. How many were serious enough to count: 3.

41. Who were those serious ones: Evan, Austin, Tristyn.

42. NQ- Who used to be your best friend: Tianna.

43. What made them different: She was there for me through. Very hard time in my life.

44. What happened: I had a thing with her brother and when it didn’t work our she cut me out of her life.

45. Best boy/girlfriend: Current.

46. Worst boy/girlfriend:. Not answering this.

47. Ever been kissed: Duh?

48. Who do you want back: My cat.

49. Who do you regret: Losing my cat.

50. Why?: I miss him more than anything.

Section Five: Favourites

51. Song: Degenerates by A Day to Remember.

52. Movie: The Little Mermaid.

53. Food: Chicken.

54. Drink: Pepsi.

55. Store: None.

56. Television show: Rugrats.

57. Holiday: Christmas.

58. Book: The Glass Castle.

59. Ice cream: Mint.

60. Sweets: Anything chocolate.

61. Crisps: Cheetos or smart food.

62. Type of music: All.

63. Artist: None.

64. Word: Penis.

65. Time of day: Night.

66. Dressing: None.

67. Alcoholic drink: I don’t drink.

68. Colour(s): Purple.

69. Piece of clothing: Pj’s.

70. Character: None.

71. Smell: Any cleaning product or gasoline.

72. Shampoo: Idk.

73. Soap: Idk.

74. Smiley: 🤷🏻‍♀️

75. Board game: Uno.

76. Sport: None.

77. Number: 48.

78. Quote: None.

79. Animal: Cat, Sloth.

80. Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio.

82. Vegetable: None.

83. Fruit: Apple or grapes.

84. Place to be: My bed.

85. Thing in your room: My bed or my Xbox.

86. Gum: Juicy Fruit.

87. Shape: None.

88. Country: USA I guess.

89. Mall: None.

90. Car: Jeep Wrangler.

91. Boy's name: Oliver

92. Girl's name: Aela.

93. Family member: My mom or my sister.

94. Restaurant: Poor Boys.

95. Movie place: None.

96. Person to go to the movies with: None.

97. Noise: Paper crinkling.

98. Brand of shoe: Vans.

99. Brand of clothing: Idk.

100. Body part of a chicken: Not sure.

101. Swear word: Fuck.

102. Month: May.

103. Possession: Phone I guess.

104. Team: None.

105. Season: Spring.

106. Radio station: None.

107. Magazine: None.

108. Favourite grade: None.

109. Least favourite grade: 9’th.

110. Teacher: Mr.Millete.

111. Least favourite teacher: Mrs.cunningham.

112. Subject: History.

113. Subject to talk about: Video games or cats.

Section Six: Family

114. Who's your mum?: Michelle.

115. Who's your dad?: Eric.

116. Any step-parents?: Yes.

117. Any brothers?: A half brother.

118. Any Sisters?: A sister and a step sister.

120. Coolest: Me.

121. Loudest: Me.

122. Best relative: My gramma.

123. Worse relative: My stepmom.

124. Do you get along with your parents? Yes.

125. With your siblings? Mostly.

126. Does anyone understand you? My mom.

127. Do you have any pets?: 5 cats and 5 dogs, and a hamster.

128. If so, what kind and name? For cats it’s Jack, Sophie, Pizza, Opie, and Tig. For dogs it’s Piper, Duncan, Bree, Bean, and Lily. And my hamsters name is Sherbet.

129. If not, what do you want as a pet?: N/A.

Section Seven: School

131. Are you still in school? No.

132. Did you drop out?: Yes.

133. Your current GPA: No idea.

134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: Bought.

135. ABC's?: Yes?

136. Favorite class: History or pottery.

137. Play any sports at school?: Basketball.

138. Are you popular? No.

139. Favourite memory: my last day when I dropped out.

140. Most humiliating moment: Ehen I got stoned and beat a girl up.

141. Most funniest moment: Not sure.

142. Most scared moment: When a kid brought a gun to school.

Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear

145. Chicken: Tendies.

146. Dog: Cat.

147. Christina Aguilera: Familt Guy.

148. Ricky Martin: Nothing.

149. 50 cent: Rapper.

150. Poop: Pee.

151. Beach: Sand.

152. Desert: Cookie.

153. Water: Hot.

154. Osama: Bin Laden.

155. Love: Hate.

156. Your little brother: Cute.

157. Butt: Hole.

158. Clowns: Ew.

159. Wonder: Cool.

16o. Brown: Black.

161. Banana: Yummy.

162. Sex: Cool.

163. Parents: Love.

164. Homosexuals: Good.

165. God: Teal.

Section Nine: Do you believe in

166. God: Yes.

167. Heaven: Yes.

168. Devil: Yes.

169. Hell: Yes.

170: Boogy man: No.

171. Closet Monsters: No.

172. Fortune tellings: Yes.

173. Magic: No.

174. Love at first sight: No

175. Ghosts: Yes.

176. Voo-doo dolls: No.

177. Reincarnation: No.

178. Yourself: No.

Section Ten: Do you

179. Smoke: Yes.

180. Do drugs: I smoke pot ocassionaly.

181. Drink alcohol: No.

182. Cuss: Constantly.

183. Sing in the shower: Sometimes.

184. Like school: No.

185. Want to get married: Yes.

186. Type with all of your fingers: No.

187. Think you're attractive: No.

188. Drink and drive: No.

189. Snore: When I’m sick

190. Sleep walk: No.

191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: Yes.

Section Eleven: Have you ever

192. Flashed someone: Yes.

193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: No.

194. Told that person how you felt: Yes.

195. Been arrested:. Almost.

196. Gone to jail or juve: No.

197. Skateboarded:. Yes.

198. Skinny dipped: Yes.

199. Rock climbed: No.

200. Killed someone: No.

201. Watched porn: Yes.

202. Gone on a road trip: Yes.

203. Went out of the country: No.

204. Talked back to an adult: Yes.

205. Broken a law:. yes.

206. Got pulled over: No.

208: Cried to get out of trouble: Yes.

209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Yes.

210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: No.

211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: Yes.

212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: No.

213. Moon someone: Yes.

214. Shop-lifted: Yes.

215. Worked at McDonald's: No.

216. Eaten a dog: No.

217. Give money to a homeless person: Yes.

218. Glued your hand to yourself: No.

219. Kissed someone of the same sex: Yes.

220. Had a one night stand: No.

221. Smoked: Yes.

222. Done drugs: Yes.

223. Lose a friend because of your ex: Yes.

224. Slap someone for being stupid: Yes.

225. Had cyber sex: Yes.

[sassycassie-s-series]

All My Fault 26

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): DC, BatFam - Damian Wayne/Batman

Rating: PG/K+

Notes: (Masterlist) This is a kinda long one at 2,212 words, but WOOHOO more stuff is happening! We’re getting over closer to their confession y’all! If you’re wondering, no I don’t really know how to do short series XD Just LOOOOONG slow burns XD

Tag List (Open): @batboys-and-other-messes @haylo4ever @lostredrobin @probsjosh​ @spooder-moon @welovegroot

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15, Ch 16, Ch 17, Ch 18, Ch 19, Ch 20, Ch 21, Ch 22, Ch 23, Ch 24, Ch 25

^^^^^

Damian glared at Dick over the top of his sketchbook. Per Alfred’s orders, he was on bedrest until the next morning, and it was the day after he arrived. So, another twenty-four hours in bed. McCloud had gone to bed herself after Damian’s hand twitched in the cave and woke her up at 2:30AM, so Alfred sent her to bed.

Which meant that when Damian got transferred up to his own bed, Dick decided to keep him company.

At first it wasn’t so bad. Dick just sat at Damian’s desk on his laptop and started going over crime rates and actually helped Damian type up his mission report to submit to the Watchtower’s records. And then… Dick got bored.

“C’mon, Little D,” Dick teased. “Don’t you think Nora Wayne has a nice ring to it?”

“Grayson, so help me, if you make one more joke regarding the feelings I have for her I will strip you to your mask and briefs and string you up on the GCPD tower with the Bat-signal shining right on you for everyone to see,” Damian growled, going back to a sketch of Titus he’d been working on that morning. Dick spun around in the desk chair, giving Damian a skeptically raised right eyebrow.

“I'm so glad you’re willing to just admit to my face that you are such a goner for her,” he said brightly.

“Grayson, I'm warning you,” Damian snapped, jaw clenched.

“Just admit to me you think Nora Wayne has a nice ring to it and I’ll let it go,” Dick said playfully. Damian closed his eyes with a resigned sigh.

“Tt. Alright. Whatever. It has a nice ring to it. Sure.” And I most definitely have not already thought of that many times over, he added silently.

“Glad you agree. Because if she became Nora Wayne, you’d no longer have to call her McCloud all the time. Heaven forbid you call anyone by their first name. I imagine Alfred and Bruce would be delighted to have a Mrs. Wayne again.”

“And if she chose not to give up McCloud?” Damian challenged.

Dick shrugged. “Then that’s her choice. You still wouldn’t have to call her McCloud anymore. You could call her something cute instead.” He paused. “Like honey or baby or something.” Damian scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Through the slightly open door, they could hear familiar music drifting from down the hall.

A smile pulled on Dick’s face. Damian slowly lifted up his sketchbook and hid behind it to avoid further teasing.

McCloud was singing Phantom of the Opera from her bedroom. Her door was probably open and she might have just gotten out of the shower or something. She had a nice voice. It was Broadway-levels of loud without being Broadway trained. She tended to belt dramatically and not care how it sounded. Like the time before the charity ball when she thought she was alone and sang Total Eclipse of the Heart in the Batcave.

Dick peeked up over the top of Damian’s sketchbook. “You hear that?” he asked with an ecstatic smile.

“Yes,” Damian said flatly, not giving his eldest brother the satisfaction of a reaction.

“She’s singing both parts of a duet,” Dick pointed out.

“Indeed,” Damian agreed, tone completely monotone.

“Sooo… why don’t you sing the other part?”

“I don’t sing,” Damian snapped.

Dick sighed. “Cloudy is the only fun person in this family,” he muttered. Damian rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue.

^^^^^

“Gooood morning, Cloudy!” Jason greeted brightly as I went down into the kitchen to get some breakfast before checking up on Damian again.

“Morning Jay,” I replied tiredly, through a wide yawn.

“Sleep well?”

I tilted my head to either side to loosen up the muscles. “Kinda,” I replied.

“You ditched patrol to snooze on Damian’s bedside. Must be a little stiff.”

“Technically, I fell asleep before you left and no one bothered to wake me up.” The sarcasm in my voice wasn’t lost on Jason. He snickered.

“That’s fair,” he relented.

I munched half-heartedly on a bowl of dry cereal that I wasn’t in the mood for and sighed. “I'm gonna go see if he’s okay.”

“Loved your shower performance, by the way,” Jason offered.

I pushed some of my damp hair out of my face. “Thanks,” I said, leaving the kitchen with my bowl of dry Cookie Crisps. Alfred would be cross if I got cereal dust on anything, so I carefully managed not to. Besides, the boys left half-eaten candy bars on the floors of their rooms and had gotten chocolate on the carpet more times than I bothered to count. My room was spotless by comparison.

When I reached Damian’s door, it was half-open. I could hear Dick humming inside, and if I listened hard enough I could hear the scratching of Damian’s pencil too. I lifted one hand and knocked. “Morning,” I called.

“Mornin’ Cloudy!” Dick replied loudly.

“Good morning, McCloud,” Damian added.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

There was a pause. “If you’d like,” Damian said.

I ducked through the door.

Damian was sitting up in bed on a pile of plush pillows with the sheet over his lower body. His upper body was bare, save for the bandages wrapped around his injuries. His bruises were smaller—healing. His sketchbook was on his lap. I could see a drawing of Titus on the page. I examined his injuries briefly—and absolutely did not pay attention to his physique—and perched at the foot of his bed.

“How you feelin’, Damian?” I asked casually, popping some cereal into my mouth.

He shrugged. “Absolutely fine. But Alfred won’t let me do anything till tomorrow morning.”

“That’s a good thing,” I said. “Gives you more time to heal.”

Damian regarded me, searching my face like he was searching for any sign of mocking. But I wasn’t mocking him. Just genuinely believing that Alfred’s orders were sound. I chewed on another small handful of cereal and threw a piece at Dick when he opened his mouth. He caught it expertly and laughed in victory.

“Tt,” Damian muttered.

Dick shut his laptop. “You gonna keep him company for a while, Clouds?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“Okay. I'm gonna go get some stuff done. I gotta go make some calls,” Dick said, leaving the room. He didn’t shut the door behind him, which I was grateful for. A shut door would make me uncomfortable.

“Bye!” I called after him.

“Bye!” Dick singsonged. He whistled down the hallway.

I turned my attention back to Damian. “Cookie Crisp?” I asked, offering him the bowl.

He shook his head. “That much sugar would make me ill,” he said. “Thank you for offering though.”

I shrugged and ate another handful. “No problem,” I said. “How are you feeling, really?” I asked.

Damian glanced over my shoulder at the door. “I'm alright,” he said. “My injuries ache and throb but nothing else is new. I just… the mission failed. It’s no one’s fault. But it was my idea so it seems like my fault. It’s my fault I was injured this badly. It’s my fault we didn’t get the speedsters back. It’s my fault that I worried you when I turned up barely conscious. It’s my fault—”

“Stop,” I said. “It’s not your fault. You’re too hard on yourself. You blame yourself for things you have no control over. So you couldn’t get the speedsters out of the Speed-Force. So what? You tried. And that’s what matters. It’s not your fault that I'm here, out of time, either. It’s the Time Bombs’ fault. So do yourself a favor and relax.”

Damian opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it when I cocked an eyebrow. Then he sighed. “Fine,” he muttered.

I crossed my legs under me at the foot of his bed and leaned forward. “So how’s your Titus picture?” I asked.

“Fine,” he answered, turning the sketchbook to show it to me.

“Looks great,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said automatically. He bit his lip and looked up at me. “Really. Thank you.”

I smiled. “Of course. How did you sleep?”

“Fine. I should be asking that question to you though.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I woke up at about one-thirty in the morning to you sleeping with your head on the edge of the gurney.”

“Oh. Yeah I slept okay till Alfred ordered me to bed about an hour later when I woke up because you twitched.”

“Apologies.”

“Nah it’s okay. It was better for my neck to go to bed like a normal person,” I joked. Damian smirked. It wasn’t so tired and weak anymore. I liked his more alert smirk. It had a mischievous quality to it that made me feel like a kid meeting a new friend who was ultimately going to get me in so much trouble for doing something my parents told me not to do like swim in a creek or something.

“Then perhaps I’ll rescind my apology,” he said.

“Nah. I’ll still accept it because it used to be rare for you to apologize.”

“Tt. I was a bit of a brat when I was younger, wasn’t I?” he mused, grinning slightly.

“Mmhmm!” I agreed, eating more cereal. Damian snorted. “But,” I added, “you were also a good kid at heart who was doing his best with what he had to work with. You weren’t raised like a normal kid and frankly arrogance can be confidence if you can back up your claims. Which you often did.”

Damian regarded me. “Thank you,” he said. “That is… very kind of you.”

I smiled. “‘Course,” I said.

Damian looked between me and his sketchbook for a moment. “There’s… there’s something I want to show you,” he said thoughtfully.

“Uh… okay,” I replied.

He threw his covers off.

“Hey, wait, Damian,” I protested, “Alfred said you’re supposed to stay in bed till tomorrow.”

Damian gave me a cocked eyebrow, waiting for me to back down. I gave him the same look, refusing to back down. Waynes were ridiculously stubborn, but I wasn’t a doormat either. “You wouldn’t be able to reach what I’d like to show you, McCloud,” Damian said, getting out of bed. “And getting something from my closet won’t hurt me.”

I glared at him from the foot of the bed as he crossed to his closet and pulled down a box that was up on the high top shelf. He brought it over and dropped it by my knees. He sat on the other side of the dusty box and let the lid flop carelessly on the floor.

Inside was a pile of old sketchbooks, several of the bottom ones with yellowing pages.

I tensed up. Damian didn’t really show off his art to too many people. Sure he showed me his painting of the picture I’d posted on Twitter and his designs for my charity ball dress, but his sketchbooks were far more private. I only saw the drawing he did of me when I first got to the future because Jason dropped the sketchbook on my lap. I looked up at him, with surprise on my face.

“You alright?” he asked with a small grin.

“You’re… trusting me with this?” I replied.

“Of course. I'm showing you the practice sketches of the drawings I used to give the family every year for the day you went missing. Grayson would keep his for a while and then insisted I keep the drawings I gave to him.” He dug into the box and pulled out a folder that had several pages of sheet protectors in them and passed it to me. I pulled it open. “Those are the finished products. They look the best,” he added.

I flipped through the drawings. Each one was beautiful, and I could see how his art style improved over the eight years I’d been missing due to the time jump. There were eight of them. “Did you use references for these?” I asked. “Because I'm pretty sure I never looked like that.” I pointed to the one of me—dated 2025—in a flowing gown dancing with a partner whose face couldn’t be seen. The gown looked like it was being blown by a fantasy wind that also caught my hair.

Damian grinned. “No. I made that one up. Grayson asked if I would draw you dancing because he said he would forever remember you as a dancer. I decided I could take some liberties with it,” he said. I chuckled.

“And the one with the wings?”

“I was fourteen and Grayson said you were an angel. What would you expect?”

While I looked through the finished sketches Damian had drawn for Dick in greater detail, Damian pulled out the others he’d done for everyone else, explaining them and reminding me that the family loved me. I looked between the drawings and their artist, feeling flattered and amazed that he always depicted me in such beautiful ways. Most of them had me laughing and smiling in some way.

“I really don’t know what to say,” I said. “They’re all incredible.”

Damian ducked his head and avoided my eyes. “Thank you.”

Next

[marshmallow-phd]

Fighting Instinct

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Jongdae x Reader

Summary: He went out of his way to ignore you. You saw his kindness towards everyone else, but he showed you only irritation. And you couldn’t blame him, considering your first meeting. However, little do you know that he’s hiding a dark world, one that you’re pulled into against your will….

Warning: none

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I 15 I Final

**

You woke up after a surprisingly peaceful night’s sleep in Jongdae’s arms, pressed tightly against his chest. Both of you had fallen asleep still in yesterday’s clothes. The heat radiating from Jongdae had caused you to kick off the sheets sometime in the night and now they were tossed out on the floor.

As wonderful as it was to be in his embrace, nature was calling. You tried to wiggle out, but each attempt just reinforced his grip.

“Jongdae,” you whined. “Jongdae, I need to get up.”

He growled, still fast asleep.

“Come on,” you grunted. He was too strong. Your cheek was squished up against his collarbone, the sharp point digging in painfully. “Jongdae!”

“No!” he cried out. “Can’t take her!”

Was he… having a bad dream?

“Jongdae, wake up!” You moved back and forth, doing everything you could to wake your mate up, but it wasn’t working. His arms were tightening around you with each passing second. “Jongdae, I can’t breathe! You’re hurting me!”

That did it.

Jongdae’s eyes snapped open. You were shoved off the bed, rolling down to the floor, as he shot up to a sitting position. His breathing was heavy and little beads of sweat dotted his forehead. Your knees were red and stung from hitting the hardwood floor, but you would worry about that later. Grabbing hold of the mattress, you pulled yourself up to your feet and then crawled back up on the bed.

Realizing what he’d done, Jongdae threw his arms around you loosely, careful not to hurt you again.

“Oh, god, (y/n), I’m so sorry!”

You rubbed his back. “It’s okay,” you murmured in his ear. “What happened?”

Jongdae sat back, keeping ahold of your hand as he shook his head. “Just a bad dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” you suggested.

He sighed. “It was just… bad. The witches were trying take you away from me. All I could do was hold onto you. If I let go… I would lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” You squeezed his hand reassuringly. As sweet as this moment was, you hadn’t forgotten the reason you’d woken up in the first place. Sliding off the bed, you started for the door. Jongdae jumped up after you, stopping you by your wrist.

“Where are you going?” he asked frantically.

Rolling your eyes, you gave him the stink eye. “Jongdae, I have to pee. I’ll be across the hall in the bathroom. I don’t think they’ll get me in there.”

How awkward would that be?

Embarrassed, Jongdae’s face turned red and he released you. “Sorry.”

You kissed his blushing cheek. “It’s fine. I’ll be right back.”

After finishing up in the bathroom, you walked into the hallway only to meet Hae In. She was leaning against Baekhyun’s door wearing a t-shirt you were pretty sure you’d seen on Baekhyun before along with a pair of athletic shorts. A smirk was stretched across her lips.

“Typically, wearing yesterday’s clothes would insinuate the walk of shame,” she chuckled, “but considering how quiet it was last night, I don’t think that was the case.”

You frowned at her. “Isn’t that associated with one-night stands?”

She shrugged. “I think it’s okay in any situation. Although, you might not want Jongdae to hear you mention that.”

“Too late.”

Jongdae stepped out of the bedroom, a towel draped across his arm.

“Morning, Jongdae,” Hae In waved teasingly.

“Good morning, Hae In.” He kissed your neck, lowering his voice, “I’m going to take a shower real quick.”

“Okay,” you nodded. Sniffing, you joked, “You could really use one.”

A low rumble escaped his chest. “Keep poking and I just might-”

“(y/n), why don’t we go get breakfast started?” Hae In interrupted before Jongdae could finish that thought.

“Good idea,” you agreed and the two of you flounced to the stairs before your mate could say anything in protest.

Down in the kitchen, you and Hae In worked together, mixing some batter for pancakes and laying out slices of bacon to cook.

“Did everyone spend the night?” you asked, just saying anything for conversation after almost ten minutes of silence.

Hae In shook her head. “No. Mostly everyone did, but Jongin took Kimberly back to her apartment for some ‘alone time’. I swear, he might as well just move in there.”

You thought about living alone with Jongdae and you quite liked the idea of a domestic life with just the two of you. “Do you think he ever will?”

“He can’t.” Jongdae stepped into the kitchen, Baekhyun right behind him. “The pack sticks together. No one moves out.”

That really was a quick shower.

Baekhyun stood behind his mate, snaking his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder, watching her flip the pancakes over in the pan.

On the other hand, Jongdae gently took the spatula from you, taking over the cooking of the bacon. He rarely ever helped out with making the meals, usually only doing so when forced by Junmyeon to “do his part”. He must be trying to make up for scaring you earlier.

“Is that because Junmyeon said so?” you inquired.

The two to your left widen their eyes at you as Jongdae cleared his throat.

“No,” he answered. “It’s dangerous being away from the pack. We protect each other. If you’re living away from the rest, you’re vulnerable. Whether it’s a rival pack or witches or vampires-”

“Vampires?!” you screeched. “Those are real, too?”

Jongdae gave you a look. “That really surprises you?”

You huffed. “What else? The Loch Ness Monster?”

He rolled his eyes, “That’s a tourist trap.”

“Worth a shot,” you mumbled.

Laughing, Jongdae kissed your cheek before taking the crisped up bacon and slipping the slices on the plate you’d gotten out earlier.

“Hurry up,” Baekhyun complained as he sat down at the breakfast booth. Hae In was sliding in next to him after dividing out the pancakes. “I’m hungry!”

Giggling, you swiped the plate of bacon and went to join the impatient pair.

**

You were reverting back to going crazy. There was only so much you could do in the limited space of the farm house. In the evenings you would play board games or gossip with the girls. You were sure you’d put together every puzzle in the house. Anyone might have called you insane, but you actually missed going to class and work. At least then you were out of the house. Even the porch was off limits unless Jongdae was out there with you.

It was hard to believe that someone could be both suffocating and distant at the same time. Most likely a result of both your plea for space and the curse, Jongdae was less touchy with you. Kisses were kept to foreheads, cheeks, and brief, chaste ones to the lips. He’d hold your hand but he didn’t pull you into his lap or press his face into the crook of your neck anymore. And, surprising yourself, you missed the more passionate encounters.

You tried to concentrate on the novel in your hands. Over and over, you read the first sentence on the page, not comprehending any of the letters or the words they formed as Jongdae played with your hair. The two of you were settled on the bed, sitting up against the headboard with no room left between the two of you. A tingling sensation played at your lips as you fought with the little voice in your head that was urging you to just throw the book away, straddle his waist and take charge.

Sighing, you put the book down.

“What is it?” Jongdae dropped his hand, leaning forward to look at your face with concern.

Instead of answering, you placed the book on the nightstand and hooked your arms around his neck. You had to bite back a giggle when a look of confusion came across his face. Your fingers teased the nape of his neck. Licking your lips, you leaned forward, dodging his own mouth and gently pressing your lips on the sensitive spot under his ear.

“(y/n),” he groaned, closing his eyes.

You smirked against his skin, throwing one leg over his lap and adjust so you were nose to nose. The teasing didn’t last long. Jongdae pressed one hand into the small of your back as he let out a possessive growl. His mouth crashed into yours and you let him take over, your job now done.

His fingers of his free hand were caressing your thigh, tickling the skin. One of your own hands snaked down his chest, playing with the hem before sneaking up under the clothing.

And then, without any warning or sign, Jongdae pulled away, lifting you up off his lap and back onto the bed next to him. You actually pouted.

Jongdae whined. “Don’t look at me like that.”

Grabbing your book, you opened it up at a random page, pretending to read as you sat there fuming. It was petty, but your feelings were hurt. Swiping the book out of your hands, Jongdae wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in close to him.

“(y/n), look at me.”

Nope. You refused.

“(y/n).” Jongdae sighed, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “Don’t be mad. Please. I just don’t want to lose concentration and take this too far.”

You jutted your bottom lip even further, making him laugh. Unable to resist, he kissed you, in return making you unable to bite back a smile.

“I’m not going to say I’m sorry,” you declared. “But I guess I can try to be more understanding. I was just starved of affection, that’s all.”

Jongdae raised an eyebrow at you. “Starved of affection? What are you talking about? First you get mad because I’m too touchy and now I’m not touchy enough?”

You shrugged innocently. “It’s called a happy medium.”

He shook his head. “You are impossible.”

Knock, knock, knock.

“Come in!” Jongdae called out, probably happy at the interruption for once.

Ming and Kyungsoo stepped inside the bedroom, not even phased by the embrace they found you in.

“Hey, Jongdae?” Ming’s hands were behind her back and she rocked back and forth on her feet, like she was preparing for something. “Kyungsoo and I are about to leave to go to the grocery store and we figured (y/n) might like to join us? You know, get out of the house for a little while?”

Leave? You perked up at the idea, a smile spreading across your face.

“No,” Jongdae stated firmly. And your smile was gone.

“What?” You turned to him, your jaw hanging on its hinges. “Why?”

Letting you go, Jongdae slid off the bed, standing up to face you. “You’re not leaving this house.”

You jumped up as well, utterly shocked. “Oh, so I’m a prisoner now?”

“It’s for your safety, (y/n)!” Jongdae was on the verge of yelling the roof off. “Even Junmyeon said for you to stay here.”

Ming and Kyungsoo slowly back away towards the door.

“I’m sorry,” Ming whispered. “I didn’t mean-” Kyungsoo pulled her out of the room and shut the door before she could finish her apology.

“It’s dangerous, (y/n),” Jongdae continued, crossing his arms over his chest. “Eun Na and her coven could show up in the parking lot and snatch you away. Or worse.”

“Kyungsoo would have been there and you guys are immune to their magic!” you argued.

“He still could have gotten distracted,” he countered. “I’m not going to risk you for eggs and rice!”

You threw your arms up in the air. “It’s not about the groceries, Jongdae! It’s about letting me out of the house so I can feel normal for a change! I’m losing my mind being locked up in here! All I can do is stare out the window. Sure, I have homework to do most days, but the end of the semester is coming up and then what? I’m sick of just twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to either happen to me or for Eun Na to just give up! I’m pretty sure the latter is never going to happen.”

You understood that he was just trying to protect you, but you couldn't stop yourself. There was too much pent up emotion. The bottle had been uncorked and now everything was pouring out.

“I want my old life back,” you sighed, tears brimming your eyes. “I want to be able to go to the movies or grab a cup of coffee or just stroll down the business district without fearing for my life! I want us to grab dinner at a nice restaurant or stay out too late on a weeknight, like a normal couple. I want to goof around in the aisles of a grocery store, laughing with you when we should be acting like adults. I want to forget that werewolves and witches and whatever the hell else exists and just be (y/n), if only for a few hours. Why is that so hard to understand?”

The fight was gone out Jongdae at the sight of you crying. “(y/n)… I’m sorry. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Wiping away the tears with you hand, you said, “Sooner or later, something is going to happen. We can’t pretend that this will all just go away. It’s going to come to a head at some point. Either Eun Na will make her move or Soomi will be able to help or maybe you guys will go after them. But something will happen. I just want to be able to live my life until it does.”

Not waiting for a response from the wolf, you grabbed your book and walked out of the room, heading off to find a hiding spot for the time being. You settled in your old room, now vacant. As soon as the door was closed you leaned against it, sliding down to the floor and crying into your knees.

[kimjongdaely]

My Pet Human [Chapter 4]

Vampire!AU

Pairing: Chen x Reader

Warnings: mention of blood, violence, slavery and sexual situations.

Summary: Every wrong step, every wrong turn led you to this moment. This moment where you would belong completely, utterly to the vampire Kim Jongdae, who never even wanted you in the first place.

Prologue│Chapter 1│Chapter 2│Chapter 3│Chapter 4│Chapter 5│ Chapter 6│Chapter 7│Chapter 8│Chapter 9│Chapter 10│Chapter 11│ Chapter 12│Chapter 13│Chapter 14 [M]│Chapter 15 [M]│Chapter 16│ Chapter 17│Chapter 18│Epilogue

You ended up not having much sleep.

Jongdae took you to the kitchen as promised, leaning against the counter as you rummaged the fridge for a carton of milk, pouring it into a mug and putting it in the microwave to warm it up. He didn’t look at you at all throughout—it seemed like he was just hanging out in the kitchen, though you know he’s watching out for you in his own, bizarre way.

That thought confused you, because you thought he didn’t like you, didn’t want anything to do with you.

Yet it comforted you a bit. At least he cared enough not to let another vampire mark you.

Your terrifying interaction with Baekhyun still burned in your mind, and was the main reason why you couldn’t find sleep. The places where he held you throbbed in pain, and you suppose they’re bruising, but you can’t be too sure in the dark.

You sat staring at the dark ceiling all night until you saw the first rays of the sun. You waited for another hour or so before you couldn’t stand the restlessness and jumped out of bed. It’s morning now; surely it’s more safe to go out.

You peaked out, surveying the hallway carefully. You’re sure there won’t be a random vampire just standing aimlessly in the hallway, but you wanted to be sure anyways.

You make your way downstairs, to the kitchen. You assume Hui and Thorn aren’t up yet, so you decide to make breakfast for them. As thanks for Hui’s warm hospitality, and to cheer Thorn up from the dark cloud around her.

When you set up the plates on the dining table, you hear the front door open and close. Who could it be? You make your way over curiously.

It’s Hui and Chanyeol, the latter holding two shopping bags. They seem to be happy as they chattered quietly to each other. Chanyeol—being a vampire and all—noticed you poking your head out first, letting out a wide grin and waving at you. “Morning! You’re up early.”

“Good morning.” You smile politely at him, folding your hands in front of you, your interactions with them still stiff.

“Perfect timing.” Hui claps her hands together and lets out an excited squeal, grabbing one of the bags from Chanyeol’s hand and rushing over to you. “We went to buy you a dress!”

“Dress?” Hui pushes the bag into your hands almost forcefully, so you have no choice to to hold it sheepishly. “Why?”

“Oh, it was Jongdae’s order.” Hui says, as if that answers all your questions. “Since we were going to go shopping anyway.”

“Wait,” you’re even more confused now. “Jongdae’s order? I don’t understand.”

“There’s going to be a ball tonight.”

You whirl around, looking up towards the stairs to find Jongdae leaning on the railing, chin propped up by his hand and watching you carelessly. “It’s adequate to bring your Pet with you. In that case, you’ll need a proper dress so you don’t embarrass our clan. Plus, I think it’s best you get some actual clothes.” He wrinkles his nose disapprovingly at the old, large t-shirt you wear.

You flush under his gaze, suddenly hyper-aware of your messy appearance. It’s not like you’ve ever had the time to make yourself pretty.

“In other words,” Hui cuts in, which you are very grateful for. “You’ll need to be energetic during the night—or at least awake. So—from experience—you should sleep more during the day.”

Oh great. You got out of bed so early because you couldn’t sleep. Now that you’re told that you have to sleep during the day as well, it seems like a toll. You mentally groan.

After Hui had finished her portion of breakfast (she hugged you in delight when she saw it and wouldn’t stop praising you), it was already around morning—the usual time people wake up. Thorn wobbled in as unsteady as ever, her face even more pale than the day before.

“He fed.” You catch Hui murmur to herself, shaking her head almost out of anger…but more like pity.

You flash Thorn a small smile when she nears the dining table, offering softly, “I made you breakfast.”

“Thank you.” She whispers, voice hoarse when she slumps down in the chair. You didn’t mean to stay and watch, but the way she struggles to swallow the food makes your heart wrench for her. If you could, you would definitely punch Baekhyun in the pretty face without hesitation.

If you could.

You sigh at the thought and decide to leave and let her eat in peace. The more you watched her, the more unease you feel. You wonder for a moment if you should paint a bit more before heading to bed. You decide that painting might help you relieve some stress and make your mind more at ease.

You went to bed after a light lunch. The tiredness of not sleeping the whole night finally caught up to you and made you sleepy, though it still took a while before you fell asleep.

You were waken up by shaking. You groaned, blinking in your room and realizing that it had gotten quite dark. The person shaking you was Hui, who looked at you with a grin.

“Time to wake up!” She sang. “We need to get you dressed up!”

You groggily get up, stretching out before you let Hui pull you up. She’s humming as she straightens the dress she holds in her hands, setting it neatly on your bed before she turns to you with a wide smile. “Okay, strip.”

You sputter, eyes wide because you weren’t expecting her to actually actually help you change! You shake your head, taking an immediate step back. “It’s okay! I can change myself!”

“But this dress is quite hard to wear on your own.” She frowns stepping closer to you. “It’s okay~ We’re both girls!”

Her eagerness almost makes you laugh as you continue shaking your head. “I want to take a shower first. If I can’t get it on right, you can come back and help me.”

She pouts, but nods. “Alright.” She calls as she leaves your room, “Call me when you’re done!”

When she’s gone, you let out a sigh of relief. You immediately make your way to the bathroom, hurrying to take a shower. From the sounds of it, this ball is quite important and you certainly don’t want to go as your stinky, messy self. You don’t want to embarrass Jongdae or his clan, don’t want to make him hate you any more.

When you finish trying yourself, you reenter your room to examine the dress Hui got for you. It’s a beautiful shade of pale pink, with delicate gold embroidery throughout the fabric. The straps are off the shoulder, the waist is slim, but it fans out from your hip in curtain-like folds.

It’s beautiful.

Too beautiful.

How could someone like you wear something like this? You’d look like a fool. Nonetheless, you slip into the dress, the silky material caressing your skin and making you shiver at the coldness from being unworn.

There are zippers and ribbons at the back that is difficult for you to tie yourself, so you call for Hui to come back—which she waltzes back in. Her eyes widen on you, a gasp leaving her lips as her hand flies to her mouth. “Wow.”

“I don’t fit it, do I?” You ask glumly, looking at the floor and afraid to meet her eyes.

“No, not at all!” Your heart sinks until she clarifies, “You look absolutely stunning. It fits you so well—I told Chanyeol this would look good on you and yet he wanted the blue one! Ugh!”

You smile at her before you turn to let her strap you up. When you’re done she makes you turn again to ‘admire you.’ “Let’s style your hair.”

She dried your hair and curled it, styling it into a half-up-half-down look. Elegant yet simple, she said. She added light makeup to finish the look, not taking no for an answer.

At last, your makeover is complete. As you look at yourself in the mirror, it’s hard to believe it’s really you. You’ve been eating better, so in the last two days you look healthier, your cheeks not as sunken and your skin not as pale. You could almost pass as someone from a higher class.

The thought makes you laugh. If only.

Hui returned to her own room to get ready, so in the meantime you wander around your room, trying to get used the feel of the dress. It’s a bit heavier than you expected, and your shoes are digging into your skin uncomfortably. You’ve never worn such things in your life.

After a while, there’s a crisp knock on your door. It must be Hui to get you, so you quickly head to open the door.

It’s not Hui.

It’s Jongdae, much to your surprise.

And he looks devilishly good in his black suit, his hair styled effortlessly. He raises a brow at you, watching you. There’s a pause, and you hold your breath, wondering if he’s going to say anything about how you look. But then he simply says, “It’s time to go.”

You deflate slightly as you follow him out, unable to stop the small pout appearing on your lips.

The others have already gathered in the lobby—Chanyeol with Hui in a lovely dress with a gradient of the colors of the sunset and her hair up in a delicate bun, Baekhyun with Thorn in a black laced dress, Kyungsoo, the man who was driving when you first arrived at the mansion, and four other men you’ve never met.

“By the way,” Hui beams as she hurries over to you to link her arm with yours. “You were never properly introduced to the others!” She points at a tall man, his face as perfect as a statue’s. “This is Sehun, the youngest.”

Age seems like a bizarre thing when referring to vampires, but you nod.

She points at another equally tall man, but his skin is less pale than the others—just slightly, barely noticeable, but it makes him look a little more alive than the others, not as delicate. “This is Jongin, the second-youngest.” She then points at a slightly shorter man with large, pretty eyes. “This is Minseok, the eldest.” He points at the man standing in the middle amongst them—the man who was driving when you first came—but the way he stands now seems filled with authority. “This is Junmyeon, the leader of this clan.” Then at another who has a gentle face, even warmer than Chanyeol. “And finally, this is Yixing.”

He smiles at you, and for some reason it soothes you. Just is presence suddenly makes your nerves practically nonexistent. How strange.

“Alright, it’s time.” Junmyeon clears his throat, making his way out the mansion. Outside there are several cars parked waiting for them.

You follow Jongdae to the third car, and to your surprise, he holds the door for you, waiting for you to get in first.

“Oh, thank you.” You murmur as you get in, struggling with your dress and shoes which makes your cheeks flush in embarrassment. He slips in next to you, his movements smooth and fluid, a further contrast to your human clumsiness.

The car starts, and you opt for watching the scenery just like last time.

“During the ball,” Jongdae speaks, directed towards you though he doesn’t look at you. “You’re not allowed to leave from my side. It’s filled with vampires, so if you’re not careful, you might get attacked.”

You gulp, shivering at the thought. You nod at him, though you’re not sure being by his side is any safer, nor will it settle your nerves.

Though you find that, oddly, thinking about the man named Yixing and his gentle expression is an effective way to settle your racing heart.

Previous Chapter│Next Chapter

My Pet Human Mini Masterlist

A/N: What will happen at the ball? I’m just so excited for this fic so I’m updating more than my other fics and I feel kinda bad about it but not at the same time 😂 Thank you all for reading~

Tags: @loser-dot-com​​ @lis-redfox​​ @baekfanapleintemps​ @a-mistake-tbh​  @dear-fake-diary @kjds-pretty-nipps @xius-exos @thevirginvegetarian @g-exo @shinrin-yokeu @blusyd @aeri-angel @baekhyunsonly @amznmmdprncss @paljungmu

Tell me if you want to be tagged!

©kimjongdaely

Talk to me!®

[winchesters-love]

Get To Know Me!!! A Little Too Well

1. Name: Nicole 2. Nickname(s): Nik, Nikki 3. Birthday: June 21 4. That makes you: 18 5. Where were you born: Nebraska 6. Location right now: Same place 7. Shoe size: 7 8. How many piercings?: None 9. Tattoos?: None, but I'd love a few <3 10. When you wake up you're: Confused and even more tired 11. When your about to sleep you're: Wide awake 12. Zodiac sign: Cancerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr/Gemini 13. Chinese sign: Rabbit 14. Righty or Lefty: Righty 15. Innie or Outie: Innie 16. School: Out of school :P Section Two: Looks 17. Nationality: White 20. Weight: 110 lbs 21. Height: 5'6 22. Braces? No 23. Glasses? Yes Section Three: Private Life 24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend? I do! 25. If so, who? The love of my life, Nate 26. If not, do you have a crush on someone? My boyfriend 27. Who has a crush on you? No one haha 28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf? Nope 29. Who was your first kiss: Nate, he kisses pretty good 30. Who was your last kiss: Nate <3 31. Are you a virgin? Yes 32. Ever had a threesome before? No 33. NQ- Ever been swarmed by ladybugs?: Nope 34. Have you ever been in love? Yes 35. Broken any hearts? Not that I know of 36. Got your heart broken? Quite a few times 37. Ever liked a friend? Yea 38. What happened? We started dating

Section Four: Past Relationships 39. How many relationships have you been in? 1 40. How many were serious enough to count: I'm in it 41. Who were those serious ones: I've only been in 1 42. NQ- Who USED to be your best friend: Well, he's still my best friend so 43. What made them different: Nothing 44. What happened: We started dating 45. Best boy/girlfriend: The one I'm dating 46. Worst boy/girlfriend: N/A 47. Ever been kissed: Yes 48. Who do you want back: No one 49. What do you regret: Focusing too much on guys 50. Why? Because I would've done so much better in school Section Five: Favourites 51. Song: Sound of Silence 52. Movie: Zootopia 53. Food: Anything really 54. Drink: Apple Juice 55. Store: Gamestop and Hot Topic 56. Television show: Stranger Things and Mom 57. Holiday: Christmas 58. Book: Grace Lost Series 59. Ice cream: Mint Chip 60. Sweets: Chocolate 61. Crisps: Doritos Jacked 62. Type of music: Pretty much every genre 63. Artist: Singer is Luke Bryan, Painter is Bob Ross 64. Word: Loquacious, vernacular 65. Time of day: Evening/night 66. Dressing: Ranch 67. Alcoholic drink: Don't drink 68. Colour(s): Blue, Red, Black, and White 69. Piece of clothing: Beanie 70. Character: My fursona 71. Smell: Fresh rainfall 72. Shampoo: Fructis 73. Soap: Fructis 74. Smiley: >3 75. Board game: Too many tbh 76. Sport: Soccer 77. Number: 5 78. Quote: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin D. Roosvelt 79. Animal: Wolf 80. Actor: Ryan Reynolds/Chris Pratt 82. Vegetable: Sugar snap peas 83. Fruit: Grapes 84. Place to be: In my room 85. Thing in your room: Pictures 86. Gum: 5-gum 87. Shape: Circle 88. Country: Europe 89. Mall: Any mall 90. Car: 67 Chevy Impala 91. Boy's name: Christopher 92. Girl's name: Chrissy 93. Family member: My brothers and my dad 94. Restaurant: Johnny Carinos 95. Movie place: The theater 96. Person to go to the movies with: Myself 97. Noise: Falling rain 98. Brand of Shoe: Airwalks 99. Brand of clothing: Aeropostle 100. Body part of a chicken: Thigh 101. Swear word: Asshat 102. Month: December 103. Possession: My ring 104. Team: Don't have a favorite 105. Season: Winter 106. Radio station: Pop station 107. Magazine: Don't read them 108. Favourite grade: Senior year 109. Least favourite grade: 5th grade 110. Teacher: Kindergarten 111. Least favourite teacher: Math teacher in 5th grade, he was a douche 112. Subject: Art/Choir 113. Subject to talk about: Anything and everything Section Six: Family 114. Who's your mum?: Not here 115. Who's your dad?: My role model 116. Any step-parents?: Yea, had a few 117. Any brothers?: 2 118. Any Sisters?: Nope 120. Coolest: Older brother 121. Loudest: Me 122. Best relative: My cousin 123. Worse relative: No one 124. Do you get along with your parents? My dad, yea 125. With your siblings? Mostly, we game with each other 126. Does anyone understand you? Yea 127. Do you have any pets? Nah 128. If so, what kind and name? 129. If not, what do you want as a pet? I want another dog, we had to get rid of ours Section Seven: School 131. Are you still in school? Nope 132. Did you drop out?: 2.75, I didn't pay attention freshman and sophomore year 133. Your current GPA: No thanks 134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: School bill paid for it 135. ABC's?: Know them 136. Favorite class: Choir and art 137. Play any sports at school?: Played soccer 138. Are you popular? With the outcasts 139. Favourite memory: Being the only girl good at soccer 140. Most humiliating moment: Falling in front of my close guy friends 141. Most funniest moment: Hitting someone in the face with a soccer ball 142. Most scared moment: Graduating Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear 145. Chicken: Bawk bawk 146. Dog: Soft puppy 147. Christina Aguilera: Music 148. Ricky Martin: Who? 149. 50 cent: Rapper 150. Poop: Emoji 151. Beach: Sand 152. Dessert: Cactus 153. Water: Blue 154. Osama: Bin Laden 155. Love: Life 156. Your little brother: Xbox One 157. Butt: Nice 158. Clowns: Pennywise 159. Wonder: Over Yander 16o. Brown: Pants 161. Banana: Yum 162. Sex: Rope 163. Parents: One 164. Homosexuals: Jensen and Jared 165. God: Father Section Nine: Do you believe in 166. God: Yes 167. Heaven: Yes 168. Devil: Yes 169. Hell: In a sense 170: Boogey man: No 171. Closet Monsters: Nah 172. Fortune telling: Nope 173. Magic: Nuh uh 174. Love at first sight: Depends 175. Ghosts: Nope 176. Voo-doo dolls: Nah 177. Reincarnation: Nope 178. Yourself: Ehh, not really Section Ten: Do you 179. Smoke: And kill my lungs? No thanks 180. Do drugs: Pfft, why would I? 181. Drink alcohol: Again, I'm not trying to die at a young age 182. Cuss: Yea 183. Sing in the shower: Sometimes... 184. Like school: Yea, it was the best place to be! 185. Want to get married: Mhmm, and I'm glad I found someone 186. Type with all of your fingers: Not really 187. Think you're attractive: Most days 188. Drink and drive: Fuck this 189. Snore: Sometimes 190. Sleep walk: Nope 191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: Best place to be honestly Section Eleven: Have you ever 192. Flashed someone: On accident 193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: I don't drink 194. Told that person how you felt: Yep 195. Been arrested: Nope 196. Gone to jail or juve: No 197. Skateboarded: Yes 198. Skinny dipped: In a bath 199. Rock climbed: Do it every summer 200. Killed someone: Nope 201. Watched porn: Nah 202. Gone on a road trip: Kinda 203. Went out of the country: Nah 204. Talked back to an adult: Yes 205. Broken a law: Nope 206. Got pulled over: Don't drive 208: Cried to get out of trouble: I don't usually do anything bad 209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: I'm supposed to, I'm there to listen 210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: No 211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: No 212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: Nah, I usually eat it 213. Mooned someone: Yes, once 214. Shop-lifted: No 215. Worked at McDonald's: No thank you 216. Eaten a dog: A hot dog! 217. Give money to a homeless person: Yea, I've fed them too 218. Glued your hand to yourself: Yes 219. Kissed someone of the same sex: Playing Pocky 220. Had a one night stand: I have two right beside my bed 221. Smoked: Nope 222. Done drugs: No 223. Lose a friend because of your ex: I don't have any exes 224. Slap someone for being stupid: Yes 225. Had cyber sex: Sexted?? Kinda 226. Wish you were the opposite sex: A lot more often than I should sometimes. But for completely different reasons 227. Caught someone doing something: Yea 228. Played a game that removes clothing: Strip truth or dare ;) 229. Cried during a movie: All the damn time 230. Cried over someone: It's hard not to when you can't have an actor love you 231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: Yea, and I did 232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: Nah 233. Ran away from home: Nope 234. Cheated on a test: Once Section Twelve: Would you 235. Bungee jump: Nope 236. Sky dive: Hate heights 237. Swim with dolphins: Yes 238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: That goes against girl code 239. Try to be the opposite sex: No 240. Lie to the police: Hi officer my real name is Nicholas... Cage 241. Run from the police: No 242. Lie to your parents: Done it before 243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: That's just plain rude 244. Be an exotic dancer: Only for my boyfriend <3 245. NQ- Kill the president: Nah Section Thirteen: Are you 246. Shy: Yes, especially around new people 247. Loud: Extremely 248. Nice: I try to be 249: Outgoing: I fake being outgoing haha 250: Quiet: Yea 251. Mean: Depends, I'm mean to those I like 252. Emotional: Sad to say, but yea 253. Sensitive: Mhmm 254. Gay: I'm very happy 255. Strong: I wish, need to start working out 256. Weak: Yea 257. Caring: Yes, especially towards animals 258. Dangerous: Well, does this include caving? 259. Crazy: Uh huh 260. Spontaneous: I am the most random and spontaneous thing out there 261. Funny: I try to be, I fail at it 262. Sweet: To eat ;) 263. Sharing: With most things, but not my food 264. Responsible: Most of the time 265. Trustworthy: Definitely, if you want a secret kept come talk to me 266. Open-minded: Depends on what you mean 267. Creative: For the most part 268. Cute: Um, not even close, no matter how many of y'all say I am 269. Slick: They don't call me Nik the Slick for nothing 270. Smart: Yea 271. Dumb: I act like it 272. Evil: No 273. Ghetto: If only 274. Classy: As in sassy 275. Photogenic: Nope 276. Dependable: Only on a few select things 277. Greedy: Only with food 278. Ugly: Yes, 100 times over 279. Messy: With my life 280. Neat: With everything else 281. Perverted: You can say cookie and it'll go bad 282. Silly: Yea 283. A B****: I can be if you want me to be 284. A Good Listener: Mhmm 285. A Fighter: If you make me mad enough 286. A Party Animal: I'd rather read, thanks 287. A Game Freak: YES 288. A Computer Freak: I literally want to work on computers Section Fourteen: Future 289. Dream job: Animation 290. Dream house: Somewhere out in the country 291. Husband/Wife: My sweet redheaded boyfriend 292. Kids: 2 293. Names: Something with Ns 294. Pets: Literally so many 295. Car: Anything that gets me places 296. Age you would want to get married: I wouldn't mind getting married in the next few years 297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: My best friend Elena 298. Honeymoon: Anyplace that has a bedroom Section Fifteen: Your friends 299. Best friend: Elena, Nate, Jasmine, Kelsey 300. Known the longest: Nate 301. Craziest: Elena 302. Loudest: Elena and I 303. Shyest: Jasmine and Kelsey 304. Best hair: Kelsey 305. Best eyes: Kelsey 306. Best body: Nate 307. Most Athletic: Me 308. Hot-Tempered: Elena 309. Most impatient: Me 310. Shortest: Nate 311. Tallest: Kelsey 312. Skinniest: Me 313. Best singer: Me 314. Funniest: Literally all of us 315. Can always make you laugh: All of them 316. Wish you talked to more: Elena 317. Wish you saw more: All of them 318. Who drives you insane after a while: Elena, but in a good way 319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: All of them 320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': Nah, I'm dating Nate 321. Whose always been there when you need them: All of them 322. Who is like your family: All of them 323. How many friends do you have?: Quite a few, and I love each and every one of them 324. How many are really close? About 10? Section Sixteen: The last 325. Thing you ate: Poptarts 326. Thing you drank: Apple juice 327. Thing you wore: My hoodie 328. Thing you did: This meme 329. Place you went: The store 330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: Nothing 331. Person you saw: My dad 332. Person you hugged: My dad 333. Person you kissed: Nate 334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: I wish I had done that to a couple jerks 335. Person you talked to online: Nate 336. Person you talked to on the phone: Nate 337. Song you heard: Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade 338. Show you saw: Mom 339. Time you fought with your parents: Um... about a month or two? 340. Time you fought with a friend: Haven't for a while 341. Words you said: Fuck you is what I said Section Seventeen: Now 343. What are you eating: Poptart 344. What are you drinking: Apple juice 345. What are you thinking: About my boyfriend 346. What are you wearing: My hoodie 347. What are you doing: Writing this up 349. Hair: Down 350. Mood: Tired 351. Listening to: Spotify 352. Talking to anyone: Yea 353. Watching anything: Nah Section Eighteen: Yes or No 354. Are you a vegetarian: Mostly 355. Are you a carnivore: Nah 356. Are you heterosexual: Yes 357. Do you like penguins: Yes 358. Do you write poetry: Yes 359. Do you see stupid people: Yes 360. You + Me: No 361. Do you like the Osbournes: Yes 362. Can you see flying pigs: No 363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: Yes 364. Are you from Afghanistan: No 365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: No 366. Are you a zombie: No 367. Am i annoying you: Yes 368. Do you bite your nails: Yes 369. Can you cross your eyes: Yes 370. Do you make your bed in the morning: No 371. Have you touched someone's private part: Yes Section Nineteen: This or That 372. Winter or Summer: Winte 373. Spring or Autumn: Autumn 374. Shakira or Britney: Britney 375. MTV or VH1: MTV 376. Black or White: White 377. Yellow or Pink: Pink 378. Football or Basketball: Football 379. Mobile Phone or Pager: Mobile 380. Pen or Pencil: Pencil 381. Cold or Hot: Hot 382. Tattoos or Piercings: Tattoos 383. Inside or Outside: Inside 384. Weed or Alcohol: No 385. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi 386. Tape or Glue: Tape 387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: In-Out Section Twenty: Opinions 388. What do you think about classical music: I like it 389. About boy bands: Nah 390: About suicide: Talk to someone if you're thinking about suicide. It is a very real thing and should not be joked about. I don't want to find out that any of you are no longer here because of suicide. I've lost 2 very close friends that way. 391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: They can kindly fuck off 392. About teen pregnancy: Only if they know they'll be able to take care of the baby 393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: With my husband in some country town 394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Nate, Elena, Kelsey, Jasmine, hopefully all my friends 395. About gay men: They're human too Section Twenty-One: 396. Do you have a website: I'm working on building one 397. Current weather right now: Cold as balls 398. Current time: 7:00 399. Last thoughts: Byyyye

[lafillederenard]

all the questions!

Thank you, Kate! I’ve been going through these slowly for a while now. Here are the first 50 questions to the ask post found here: x

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I pour more milk than is needed and feel wasteful when there’s milk leftover in the bowl. Sometimes I drink the milk and feel better. Usually I don’t even eat cereal though? I’m a wakey wakey eggs and bakey gal.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Love that crisp cold winter air! Sure would like to feel it sometime soon! Right now at school, it’s almost like I can feel the weather slowly shifting to cold winter air weather.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I often just use scraps of paper that are handy. I’ll use a pen or pencil if I’m switching between reading and writing. And I’ve used my phone a couple of times.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

I like really sweet and flavored drinks when going out for either. For coffee from scratch, I like to add a lot of creamer, preferably flavored.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

I used to be more so before. Now, not so much, but it has become a habit for me to smile with a closed mouth for pictures.

6: do you keep plants?

I try to, but it never seems to end well. 2 of my 4 succulents I had in my dorm room were stolen recently when I left them out. The other two I’ve been ignoring. I’m much better at taking care of my virtual plants on the app Viridi.

7: do you name your plants?

I’ve named a couple of my real plants, but I don’t really care to for the most part. Most of my plants in Viridi have a stupid meme name.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Music and writing. I haven’t been journaling as often as I used to, but I still consider it a big way I like to process my emotions: by writing down as much as I can.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Yeah. I get self-conscious though, sometimes even when no one is around to hear.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I like to sleep on my stomach, and can pretty much only fall asleep that way. But I sometimes switch to my side during the night.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

I don’t know if I can think of anything specifically that actually really applies so I’m just gonna pick some stuff…. High school friends will probably laugh if I mention how we all agree I have pretty good aim with my vomit….and college friends, well they call me the Cheese-It Harpy. Friends, let me know if you’re reading this and you think of something else.

12: what’s your favorite planet?

I don’t have a favorite planet. I’m very appreciative of space and I know basic astrology with the planets, but somehow I just don’t have a fave.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

I did my friend’s hair up pretty and she liked it and another friend liked it.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

It’s gonna have vines on the walls outside and there’s a courtyard maybe and the apartment will have yellow painted walls and the window will look out over the street and we’ll put up lots of string lights and small plants. I really want to make those tiny tiny gardens with the little benches in them and stuff. And the kitchen sink will usually have dishes in it bc I’m/we’re not people who wash our dishes right away. There will be original and purchased art on the walls.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

So apparently CalTech astronomers think there might be a big planet way out past Pluto, technically in our solar system.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

UM I love all pasta but I will pick lasagna as my favorite almost all the time. I really love a baked ziti covered in mozzarella tho

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

So I don’t really want to dye my hair, but if I did, legit I would want it to be opalescent (silvery-white with pastel colors). Opals are my birthstone, and you bet that my hair would look like that if I was a Crystal Gem. But I don’t really think I’d be able to pull that off irl.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

So yeah, so my CV squad is always gonna remember me throwing up into the cup holder of the RENTAL car. My college friends…there’s probably so many but I’m blanking and can only think of when I spilled the cappuccino….or when I was tired and they put plastic lizards on my head and I got emotional bc I felt loved LOL. Idk help me out here guys Idk why I’m forgetting. I need to write down more of the things I do.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I keep a writing journal at all times, and it’s basically a regular journal/diary where I write what happened, how I’m feeling.I also have a gratitude journal. I try to write in there as often as I can about things I am grateful for on that particular day, like compliments I may have received, or nice things that happened.

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

Brown. Almost everyone I’ve ever crushed on has had brown eyes. Brown eyes are beautiful!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

Favorite bag??? I don’t use bags, lol. I got my backpack. I’m not terribly attached to it.

22: are you a morning person?

Nope! My sleep schedule may be really messed up, but either way, I love being up and doing things at night. I really like to take my time waking up in the morning; I’m pretty slow about it.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

The thing I usually end up doing is bumming around the computer, tumblr and all. My favorite thing, though, would probably be to watch a really good movie or two, or to gather a pile of books and read through them all, like I used to do when I was little. I also really like to sleeeeeeep

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Not really. There are some things that I just don’t talk about with anyone.

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

I’ve broken into very few places. One of them is the toilet paper dispenser in the slightly scary bathroom downstairs in the campus center.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

This is basically all my shoes, as I kinda just find one pair of shoes I really like, and wear them every day until they get destroyed. I really liked my San Antonio Shoes that I wore to band. Several people complimented me on them. They seemed to fit really great. They were some good shoes. If I ever have the money, I might buy another pair sometime. The pair I had were bought ridiculously under-priced at a thrift store.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

I really like fruity gum. Fruit Stripe is my favorite chewing gum, but my favorite legit bubble-blowing bubblegum is the cotton candy bubblicious. It’s blue and super sugary and I have distinct memories of times when I chewed it, or wanted to be chewing it but was chewing something else, lol

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunset is my favorite time. Since I do a lot at night, it’s not really a sad symbol of my day ending, but the night beginning. Whereas if I am seeing the sunrise, that probably means I’ve stayed up all night, which probably was questionably smart to do….

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

I have a friend who kisses my hand to show affection, and I think it’s really cute and nice.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

I’ve never had any bone-chilling moments — no ghosts, home intruders, etc. But I have been genuinely scared of whether or not me and my family would be okay.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I don’t really like the look of fuzzy socks, but I like how it feels to go to sleep in them. I prefer not to wear socks to bed, but my feet get cold often and I can’t fall asleep if my feet are cold. I’ve got a growing collection of socks with foxes on them, but I kinda prefer to wear plain socks. I feel like it’s immature to wear colorful socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

I can’t recall anything exciting happening. We’ve gone out for food. Had a microwave macaroni party…

33: what’s your fave pastry?

Ooh. I can’t think of anything specific. I like stuff with cherries, or maybe like a cheese danish. I’m not picky!

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

When I was really little I had Silly Bear. He was purple or something, and wore a jester’s hat, I think. I used him to make my brother laugh for the first time. Then I had Maple the bunny. She was the most beautiful bunny, until we put her in the wash and then the dryer. Now, I have my fox. It doesn’t have a name, it’s just my fox. I’m sorry to say that my fox went in the dryer, too. My mom told me it would be okay, and it wasn’t. It’s fur is all messed up, but it’s still cute and I love it. Makes me wish I had kept Maple the bunny. And yeah, I sleep with my fox most nights.

35: do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

Ughhhh yeah my favorite is designer notebooks that are all pretty. Blank paper is enticing to me. I used to really like pencils that were colorful or had designs on them, too, but I’ve actually made the switch to pens now. I never thought I would switch to pens because I make so many mistakes, or I used to. I prefer my pens to be comfy and write nicely, rather than to look good. Pencils that write nice and dark are very important to me. But yeah I love stationery, and I always have to visit the stationery aisle whenever I go to the drugstore.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

So lately, I think my mood has been sort of like Norah Jones or Corinne Bailey Rae. Kinda soft and sad, but nice. At least, that’s how I want my mood to be. Less the sad part though, just kinda soft and nice. Tryin not to stress out over finals.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Definitely messy, but an organized messy. I want to know where everything is, and I want to be able to function and move around in the room, but I love having little figurines and papers all over my desk and stuff.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Well, as an English major, I have many grammar pet peeves. I hate it when people put recyclables in the trash. I dunno what else…

39: what color do you wear the most?

I wear a lot of blue because it looks good on me. Matches my eyes. I am gaining an increasing number of maroon-/burgundy-colored clothes. I don’t like to wear gray clothes.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I don’t wear jewelry. Let me tell you about my Two Cats On a Couch instead. They’re made of painted wood; two cats, one striped, and one in some kind of clothing. They are on a red couch with white dots and yellow flowers. The cat in the clothes is me, and the other cat is someone to talk to. My mom found the cats at a thrift store and said she got them for me because she wanted me to always have someone to talk to. They were the last gift I ever received from her, as she gave them to me shortly before she passed away.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

One of the last books I remember liking a lot is The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart. I read it about four years ago, and it was meant for a younger age group than mine even back then, but I remember it really resonating with me. It also totally hyped me up for a good test experience when I was about to take the SAT, because I read about the kids taking the test in the book right before I went to take the SAT, and it made me excited to rock a test.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

I wish I had a favorite shop, but I don’t get out much and I usually take things to go places. There are several coffee shops in the area, but the independent ones are kinda new and kinda less comfy, and more minimalist, at least from what I’ve noticed. I can tell you about Norm’s, though, because I could definitely say that it’s a favorite spot of mine. My larp club at college, AOKP, goes to Norm’s every other Thursday or so. We have this big table in the corner that we usually sit at. I steal crayons from the basket on the front counter. My friend once left a big pile of sand in the bathroom because she didn’t clean herself off before we left the beach. I’d say that Norm’s has become a special place for me.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

Alice, this one is you! The last time I really watched the stars, alone or not, was when we went to the beach to watch the sunrise. That was a good time.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Thanksgiving break was emotionally rough for me, but there was one afternoon when everything seemed really pretty, and the sun was real good, and all the plants were good, almost like they were giving off a vibe, and I just sat outside for maybe an hour and wrote in my journal, and started to feel really calm and good. I don’t even remember what I was thinking about, I’d have to check in my journal. That time just felt really good, from what I remember.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

I would say that I do try to intuit a lot of things, but I maybe have a hard time trusting myself or what I’m feeling. I’m trying to learn to recognize when I’m ignoring a feeling that is telling me to do or not to do something.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I like this joke, cuz English: A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

I don’t think people should be eating balut (duck embryos), and I’m pretty sure the smell alone of coconut shrimp has the power to make me throw up in an instant.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

I think it is the same. I just kinda always am afraid of, instead of a comfy life, being alone and not having money or food and not being okay. Especially the alone part.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I really don’t buy or even use CDs anymore, since I was little. We didn’t have internet in the house when I was a kid, so all the music we listened to, we played on a boombox. It could do CDs and tapes. My mom had a small collection, and we rented a bunch of stuff from the public library. The sound on the boombox got messed up eventually, and by that time I had access to the internet, so now it’s streaming and Youtube.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

I have a collection from, like, late elementary and middle school, of pencils that I used until they got really heckin small. I’m talking, you can barely write with the dang thing. One of these pencils is a colored pencil that is one of the best shades of my favorite color (neon orange) that I’ve ever seen.

[jaeewon]

85 STATEMENTS~

rules: answer these 85 statements

i was tagged by @toppdoggzz thanks u so much <3!!!!!!

THE LAST

1. drink: chocolate milk 2. phone call: my grandma 3. text message: ‘toast when i got up’ (my mom asked me what i ate today lol) 4. song you listened to: I Loved You - Day6  5. time you cried: last night while watching a seventeen concert dvd w my mom lmao 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: no (hopefully not anyway) 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: not diagnosed, but i’ve questioned if i was 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no

3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. dark greyish blue 13. cherry red 14. burgundy

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: yeah!!!! 16. fallen out of love: nope 17. laughed until you cried: yep 18. found out someone was talking about you: no 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: hm yeah 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 99% 23. do you have any pets: no :( 24. do you want to change your name: nope 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went to a couple casinos (learned i hate casinos) 26. what time did you wake up: 1:41 pm lkadjakjldg 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching that svt concert dvd w my mom  28. name something you can’t wait for: next summer lmao 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: before she went to bed like an hour ago 31. what are you listening to right now: 言行一致 (언행일치) - svt hip hop team mixtape vol 14 (i’ve only just heard it for the first time recently and i cant stop listening)  32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: getting ready to move, i haven’t rly even started, im just not excited 34. most visited website: tumblr 35. hair colour: dark brown/almost black 36. long or short hair: on me? long. i don’t have a preference on others 37. do you have a crush on someone: not rly 38. what do you like about yourself: my eyes, im good at dancing, have an ok personality sometimes maybe 40. blood type: couldnt tell ya 41. nickname: nae nae, my mom and cousin have called me buppie since i was born 42. relationship status: single 43. zodiac: aries 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: hannibal <333 46. tattoos: none yet 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nope

50. sport: none anymore lol 

51. vacation: i hate planes, but i’ll road trip anywhere i can  52. pair of trainers: my white adidas 

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: i just ate a mini coffee crisp bar and im gonna make me some cinnamon apple slices after i finish this lol  54. drinking: water 55. I’m about to: make those apple slices and watch some youtube prolly  56. waiting for: halloween!!!!!!!! 57. want: winter not to happen and also for people to stop sleeping on topp dogg 58. get married: no thank you 59. career: my dream is to become an author, but im planning on teaching sex education in the short term!!

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: hugs!!! 61. lips or eyes: lips 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms for sure 65. hook up or relationship: hook up lol  66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

HAVE YOU EVER

67. kissed a stranger: yes 68. drank hard liquor: yes 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no 70. turned someone down: mmhm 71. sex on the first date: mmmmmaybe? 72. broken someone’s heart: most likely 73. had your heart broken: no 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: rarely  78. miracles: kinda 79. love at first sight: not in my experience, no 80. santa claus: sure lmao

81. kiss on the first date: yeah 82. angels: idk

OTHER

84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: Peter Pan!!!

i’m tagging: @4joshua @youngdroog @sixdaywithyou @itsachocolatecake @whoisyoungk @its-tdboys @renjunhui sorry if u already did this haha and if u dont want to u dont have to <3

[kindredconfectionery]

(( can you do ALL the lovely calm asks?

it can be done and it will! although minus the tea. maybe blood in a tea mug instead. there we go. :)

Lovely calm asks to enjoy a nice up of tea to ☕

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i like golden sky colors better, but i’ll have to go with sunsets because i am slightly more partial to them.

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

doesn’t matter. they all taste the same to me, but i like the aesthetic of the waffle cones a little more.

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

i don’t wear scarves much, but i do have a very nice red plaid one.

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this is a difficult question since it’s implying after you wake up, which is not a thing i do, but it’s usually a couple to a few hours i spend in bed if i am resting.

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

yes. so many.

6: What does your umbrella look like?

black, one of the wider flatter styles. it’s coated over with black paint to block out the light that slips through the nylon weave and then there’s silver glitter all over it. because fuck you i can.

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

i don’t know what this is?

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

rain storms. i think this is a throwback from the time when they provided important cover.

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

i like little symbols of connection to other people, especially if they’re wearable. it’s why i went from one pair of earrings to suddenly being mildly inundated with jewelry.

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

green. seriously. if you’ve met me for very long, you know all about my love for the verdant hues.

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

my lines don’t tend to be too wobbly even without a ruler, but the straighter the better.

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

why can’t you have a colorful and cozy living room?

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

yes. mostly they’re unscented. although there are a few lighter floral scents and vanilla. i try to stay away from strong scents because my nose is pretty sensitive.

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

yes. so many.

15: Do you have glasses?

*tucks spectacles behind back* no. none at all.

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

... whatever trolls speak if there is anything different from english? i speak so many languages already...

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

i love spring for obvious reasons. um... hmm... i guess may?

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

no.

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

i don’t know.

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

yes.

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

usually teen girls. that’s the demographic that’s mostly likely to be attracted to me. :)

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

is ‘the tenth kingdom’ considered underrated?

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

i have a black thumb, and yet i’ve done this anyway!

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

who was looking at me when they wrote this survey? no. i don’t have a favorite.

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

i am partial to sketches.

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

are they alive? or did you kill them you murdering bastard!

27: Do you like nicknames?

not especially, but i’m so used to aliases that it doesn’t really matter.

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

*stares blankly*

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

yes? no? i mean, it depends on the meme.

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

i dressed up as alice from ‘twilight’ last year and this year i’m going as ashitaka from ‘princess mononoke’ because i can do the curse thing with my shadows.

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i think so.

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

eh. i can take them or leave them.

33:  Cookies or brownies?

cookies are superior, because they’re a lot more versatile.

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

yes! that’s fun.

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

usually.

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

yes. they’re very pretty.

37:  How often do you doodle?

rarely.

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

would you believe never?

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

i have an old sextant. it still works.

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

neither. they don’t grow.

41: Any birthmarks?

nope.

42: Thoughts on freckles?

they’re just spots on the skin. although if you find them in interesting places, it can be fun to give people shit about them. :) (i love you, jake!)

43: First video game you ever played?

probably pong.

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i don’t know. i’m not an ornithologist

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

not a lot, but it has been known to happen.

46: Thoughts on spring?

spring is the most wonderful time~ of the year~

47: Ideal temperature outside?

doesn’t matter. temperature doesn’t affect me.

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

clear at night, cloudy during the day, partly cloudy at crepuscular times.

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

not really very often.

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

sure, why not?

[imkeepingtrack]

Recap: 12.5.19

Didn't sleep enough last night. I went to bed and put a podcast on but my brain wouldn't shut up and I started to panic, so I had to get up. I wrote out a list of the questions/statements going round and round my head. It's pretty depressing to read. I'm struggling with feeling like I don't have a plan for anything and also that I will fail at everything.

Got woken up at 9:20. I had set an alarm for 10. I dozed for a bit then got up at 9:45. One of the staff brought me a croissant and a pain au chocolat. I didn't eat them.

I was really stressed about the zoo trip. I didn't know how it was going to work- if the staff were going around with us in 1 group, or in multiple groups, or if we'd just be told to go off, or what. I got given £15.

I took my 4x4 cube and did that and listened to music on the way.

Turned out we were going around as 1 group, which was good. There was a bit of relationship drama between 2 of the other people but whatever. I talked to them both a little bit (one of them is the one who's moving to 52 week).

The trip was fine. It wasn't amazing but it got me out. I don't have the energy/tolerance to be out for that long though. A couple of hours is about my limit without wanting to hit my head against a wall.

Lunch was stressful. Everyone got pasties but I didn't know what to do. I didn't want something hot, and I also couldn't order for myself. One of the staff came over and we decided I'd get a bag of crisps and an ice cream tub. It was fine. I spent £3.50 of the £15.

I was very hungry by the time we were leaving the zoo. We got back at 5:30 and I handed the change and receipt over, and went to my room. I haven't seen another person (apart from looking out the window) since then. It's now 11 and I'm not going to see anyone until the morning.

I needed to go ask Mo if I could sort fish fingers or chicken nuggets or something for my dinner, but I couldn't. I'm just so anxious at the moment. It's not good. I spent 3 hours sat on my stairs trying to calm down and come up with a manageable plan but it didn't work. I went downstairs once, but started to panic when I went to go to the office so came back upstairs. I phoned my mum at 9:15 because I was feeling shitty and wanted to to talk to her. She said she was busy and would phone me back. Seems unlikely given it's got to 11. I considered texting Mo but I was too anxious. In the end he phoned at 10 because I didn't answer a room check (headphones on) but I didn't ask about food. He asked if I was ok and I said probably. He asked what that meant and I said I didn't know. It means no. I was upset after because I didn't ask what I should have about food, and it was just too much. I cut a chunk out of my leg again. It hurts a lot.

I don't know why there wasn't a room check sometime before 10. 4.5 hours without one, when they're meant to be every hour.

Mo said he's going to give me a wake up call at 8:30 tomorrow. I have maths at 9:15. If I manage to go it'll only be my 3rd lesson since the holidays, and tomorrow's the start of the 4th week back.

I need to eat something. I'm going to sit and watch white collar and hopefully calm down enough that I'll be able to eat the stuff I got given for breakfast. I'm feeling really shitty.

For me, not eating requires either no appetite or quite a lot of willpower. I don't have much of an appetite but I have 0 willpower at the moment so I'm hoping I won't go days without eating. I guess it depends how much the thought of sorting out food stresses me out.

I'm scared of going to bed in case I panic again. Last night wasn't fun.

Food:

Pom bears, chocolate ice cream tub - 1:30

Croissant, pain au chocolat, oreo enrobed pack, biscuits - 11:15

Chilli rice crackers, graze tub, misshapes - 12:00