Tumgik
#having a hard time is not an excuse to be abusive
Text
"Let's Have a Talk, First"- Stereotypes, pt 1
Come sit down. You and I, before we get into any of the things I'm sure you're impatient to know: we need to have a come to Jesus talk, first.
There are some things that I've been asked and seen that strengthens my belief that we need to have a reframing of the conversation on stereotypes in media away from something as simple as "how do I find the checklist of stereotypes to avoid". Because race- and therefore racial stereotypes- is a complex construct! Stands to reason then, that seeing, understanding, and avoiding it won't be that simple! I'm going to give you a couple pointers to (hopefully) help you rethink your approach to this topic, and therefore how to apply it when you're writing Black characters- and even when thinking about Black people!
Point #1: DEVELOP THE CHARACTER!! WRITE!!
Excuse my crude language, but let me be blunt: Black people- and therefore Black characters- will get angry at things, and occasionally make bad choices in the heat of the moment. Some of us like to fuck real nasty, some might be dominant in the bedroom, they may even be incredibly experienced! Others of us succumb to circumstance and make poor decisions that lead to crime.
None of those things inherently makes any of us angry Black women and threatening Black men, Jezebels and BBC Mandingos, and gangsters and thugs!
Black people are PEOPLE! Write us as such!
If all Black characters ever did was go outside, say "hi neighbor!" and walk back in the house, we'd be as boring as racist fans often accuse.
I say this because I feel I've seen advice that I feel makes people think writing a Black character that… Emotes negatively, or gets hurt by life and circumstance, or really enjoys hard sex, or really any scenario where they might "look bad" is the issue. I can tell many people think "well if I write that, then it's a stereotype" and to avoid the difficulty, they'll probably end up writing a flat Black character or not writing them at all. Or- and I've seen this too- they'll overcompensate in the other direction, which reveals that they 'wrote a different sort of Black person!' and it comes off just as awkwardly because it means you think that the Black people that do these things are 'bad'. And I hate that, because we're capable of depth, nuance, good, evil, adventure, world domination, all of it!
Tumblr media
My point is, if you write your character like the human being they are, while taking care to recognize that you as the writer are not buying into stereotypes with your OWN messaging, you're fine. We have emotions, we have motivations and goals, we make decisions, and we make mistakes, just like anybody else. Write that! Develop your character!
POINT #2: YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE READERS!!
Okay. You can write the GREATEST Black character ever, full of depth, love, nuance, emotional range, all those things…. And people are still going to be racist about them. Sorry. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control a reader coming from that place of bias you sought to avoid. If it's not there, TRUST AND BELIEVE, it'll be projected onto them.
That passionate young Black woman who told the MC to get her head out of her ass? Yeah she's an angry Black bitch now, and bully to the sweet white MC. Maybe a lesbian mommy figure if they like her enough to "redeem" her. That Black gay male lead that treats his partner like he worships the ground he walks on? Yeah he's an abusive thug that needs to die now because he disagreed One Time with his white partner. That Black trans woman who happened to be competing against the white MC, in a story where the white MC makes comparable choices? Ohhhh they're gonna be VILE about that poor woman.
It really hurts- most especially as a Black fan and writer- knowing that you have something amazing to offer (as a person and creative) and people are gonna spit on that and call it "preference". That they can project themselves onto white characters no matter what, but if you project your experiences onto black characters, it's "pandering", "self insert", "woke", "annoying", "boring", and other foul things we've all gotten comments of.
But expect that it's gonna happen when you write a Black character, again, especially if you're a Black writer. If you're not Black, it won't hurt as personally, but it will probably come as a shock when you put so much effort in to create a lovely character and people are just ass about them. Unfortunately, that is the climate of fandom we currently exist in.
My favorite example is of Louis De Pointe Du Lac from AMC's Interview With The Vampire. Louis is actually one of the best depictions of the existential horror that is being Black in a racist White world I have ever seen written by mostly nonblack people. It was timeless; I related to every single source of racist pain he experienced.
People were HORRIFIC about Louis.
It didn't matter that he was well written and what he symbolized; many white viewers did NOT LIKE this man. There's a level of empathy and understanding that Black characters in particular don't receive in comparison to white counterparts, and that's due to many of those stereotypes and systemic biases I'm going to talk about.
My point is, recognize that while yes, you as the author have a duty to write a character thoughtfully as you can, it's not going to stop the response of the ignorant. Writing seeking to get everyone to understand what you were trying to do… Sisyphean effort. It's better to focus on knowing that YOU wrote something good, that YOU did not write the stereotype that those people are determined to see.
POINT #3: WHY is something a stereotype?
While there are lists of stereotypes against Black people in media and life that can be found, I would appreciate if people stopped approaching it as just a list of things you can check off to avoid. You can know what the stereotypes are, sure, but if you don't understand WHY they're a problem and how they play into perception of us, you'll either end up writing a flat character trying to avoid that list, or you're going to write other things related to that stereotype because "oh its not item #1"... and it'll still be racist.
For example: if you wrote a "sassy Black woman" that does a z formation neck rotation just because a store manager asked her something… that's probably stereotype. If you thought of a character that needed to be "loudmouthed", "sassy", and "strong" and a dark-skinned black woman was automatically what fit the profile in your mind, ding ding ding! THAT'S where you need to catch your racist biases.
But a dark-skinned Black woman character cursing out a store manager because she's had a really bad, stressful day and their attitude towards her pushed her over the edge may be in the wrong, but she's not an "angry Black woman". She's a Black woman that's angry! And if you wrote the day she had to be as bad as would drive anyone to overstimulation and anxiety, the blow up will make sense! The development and writing behind her led to this logical point (which connects to point #1!)
I'm not going to provide a truly exhaustive list of Black stereotypes in media because that would ACTUALLY be worth a college credited class and I do this for free lmao. But I am going to provide some classic examples that can get y'all started on your own research.
POINT #4: WATCH BLACK NARRATIVES!
As always, I'm gonna push supporting Black creators, because that's the best way to see the range of what you'd like. You want to see Black villains? We got those! Black heroes? Black antiheroes? Assholes, lovers, comedians, depressed, criminals, kings, and more? They exist! You can get inspired by watching those movies and reading those books, see how WE depict us!
I've seen mixed reviews on it, BUT- I personally really enjoyed Swarm, because it was one of the first times I'd ever seen that "unhinged obsessed murderous Black fan girl" concept. Tumblr usually loves that shit lmao. Even the "bites you bites you bites you [thing I love]" thing was there. And she liked girls, too. Just saying. I thought it was a fun idea that I'd love to see more of. Y'all gotta give us a chance to be in these roles, to tell these tales. We can do it too, and you'd enjoy it if you tried to understand it!
POINT#5: You are NOT Black!
This is obvious lmao, but if you're not Black, there's no need to pretend. There's no need to think "oh well I have to get a 100% perfect depiction of the Black person's mind". That's… That's gonna look cringe, at its best. You don't have to do that in order to avoid stereotypes. You're not going to be able to catch every nuance because it's not your lived experience, nor is it the societally enforced culture. Just… Do what you can, and if you feel like it's coming off hokey… Maybe consider if you want to continue this way lol. If you know of any Black beta readers or sensitivity reviewers, that'd be a good time to check in!
For example, if your Black character is talking about "what's good my homie" and there's absolutely no reason for him to be speaking that way other than to indicate that he's Black… 😬 I can't stop you but… Are you sure?
An egregious example of a TERRIBLE way to write a Black character is the "What If: Miles Morales/Thor" comic. I want to emphasize the lack of good Black character design involved in some of these PROFESSIONAL art spaces, because that MARVEL comic PASSED QA!! That comic went past NUMEROUS sets of eyes and was APPROVED!! IT GOT RELEASED!! NO ONE STOPPED IT!!
I'm sorry, it was just so racist-ly bad that it was hilarious. Like you couldn't make that shit up.
Anyway, unfortunately that's how some of y'all sound trying to write AAVE. I promise that we speak the Queen's English too lmao. If you're worried you won't get it right, just use the standard form of English. It's fine! Personally, I'd much rather you do that than try to 'decode AAVE' if you don't know how to use it.
My point is, if you're actively "forcing" yourself to "think Black"… maybe you need to stand down and reconsider your approach lmao. This is why understanding the stereotypes and social environment behind them will help you write better, because you can incorporate that Blackness- without having to verbally "emphasize how Black this is"- into their character, motivations, and actions.
Conclusion
We need to reconsider how we approach the concepts of stereotypes when writing our Black characters. The goal is not to cross off a checklist of things to avoid per se, but to understand WHY we have to develop our Black characters well enough to avoid incorporating them into our writing. Give your Black characters substance- we're human beings! We have motivations and fears and desires! We're not perfect, but we're not inherently flawed because of our race. That's what makes the difference!
And as always, and really in particular for this topic, it's the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!
398 notes · View notes
rubydubydoo122 · 2 days
Note
Do you think Bruce Wayne is an abuser in canon?
Personally, it seems undeniable but??? Apparently not.
I think he is, but I also think Golden and Silver age Bruce would never.
See, Golden and Silverage Bruce had a good mix of good person trying to help these kids, but you can kinda tell he might not be the best parent, but that's because no parent is perfect. But you can still tell Bruce loves his kids
then you see in after Tim Drake that there's a bit of a push that the Robins aren't really his sons, (which fair, Tim had parents at the time) but also, it kinda changed the dynamic for Batman and Robin.
I am a firm believer that Bruce is a good person, but a bad Parent, but then I remember the times he's literally brutally beaten his children into submission and-- recent Writers don't understand that you can't write an abuser to be a hero. You just can't. How are you going to have BATMAN BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIS KIDS???
as an immigrant child, I can excuse a slap here or there (If I ever had kids I would NEVER, but culture and time), but slapping your kid so hard they fall to the ground? punching them hard enough to the point where blood is flowing? That's Abuse. Capital A Abuse.
it's ooc, but most of these events haven't been retconned, and Bruce is continued to be written as this macho man who beats his kids for dominance, so he's an abuser.
43 notes · View notes
teethbomb · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
alador blight fan mood board
#Im trying so hard not to engage I feel like a bomb#I know his arc was handled badly but the shortening of the owl house should be the give away#And I personally think that the boards weren’t only cut for time!!#People are really mad he was redeemed at all but I think we forget that this guy was intended to portray a victim of abuse#Abuse shouldn’t have to be physical for it mean something#No I am not excusing what he did what he did was shitty but what I am saying is I don’t think he knew that#He thought what he was doing was in the kids best interest and when amity confronted him his eyes opened#I’ve seen people call him spineless and “woobified” and that is lost on me entirely#He stood up to Odalia and broke everything when he found out about her goals#He still has his temper he’s just not lashing out on his kids#Claims of him being turned soft don’t make sense to me because he’s been chasing butterflies the whole time! He was under Odalia s thumb#Until he learned it was hurting his kids and he stood up.#His arc isn’t perfect it’s far from it but the guy was in an abusive relationship for most of his life#I Can see the disconnect some are having but I think we’re really focusing too hard on some cut scenes#I Can see people getting upset with him especially those who relate to amity but I think it’s ironically pushing blame#Not everything can be pinned on Odalia but I think we should let abuse victims grow no matter their age#I guess it just makes me sad to see a character I see so much of myself in being dragged like this lol#Alador blight
13 notes · View notes
andthebeanstalk · 1 year
Text
Me, 4 years ago: Boy, I sure love the song "Guitar Hero" by Amanda Palmer! But I can never clearly hear what it is she shouts in this one segment - I'll just look it up real quick!
Tumblr media
...
Tumblr media
[it was the n-word]
#original#amanda palmer#dresden dolls#and that's why I can pinpoint the exact moment in time I stopped looking up to Amanda Palmer#she's a white lady there is no excuse. cartoonishly 'white feminism' nonsense.#it is additionally bizarre bc it has nothing to do with the song. like there's nothing she could have done to justify it but it's#so nakedly just for flavor. racist racist flavor. i was fucking horrified#it is one thing to make art exploiting your own trauma but to be white and to exploit black trauma in your art is such fucking garbage#like I don't think that when someone makes tasteless art about abuse we should demand that they out themselves as an abuse survivor#but something fuckin tells me Amanda Palmer has never experienced anti Black racism#and it's really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt that she's approaching art about other people's trauma in good faith + w/ respect#when she clearly thought this was just... funny? cool? i have no idea what. i mean talk about losing a role model in 5 seconds flat!#imagine being white and saying the n word and then recording yourself in a song saying it and releasing a music video for that song#at least the other racists have a good sense not to record themselves saying it Jesus Christ what a stupid thing to do#how often are you using that word that you felt like it was time to put it in a music video?? I often have trouble hearing lyrics#but usually i work them out from context clues. I never caught this one bc it has no context#and bc I truly believed she was better than that so it never even occurred to me. like all of her edgy artsy bullshit was not fun anymore
15 notes · View notes
lith-myathar · 1 month
Text
.
#ever find yourself over-explaining something you did because you feel like you're about to get in trouble? even if it's something innocuous?#and you're trying so hard to Not Get in Trouble you start to feel like you're lying EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT#sometimes one notices a behavior and it's like ''oh yeah. i spent my whole childhood being constantly criticised and living on the defensive#and now any time i feel like i MIGHT have made a mistake#even if there's no reason to think i did#i'll start trying to prove it wasn't my fault and get out in front of criticism before it even happens''#note to self to remember i do stuff like this next time im questioning how bad it actually was#i act in these weird evasive prevaricating ways for no reason#i feel like i have to hide something when there's nothing worth hiding#it's all these weird reactions to living for so long in an environment where if i DID do something wrong#the resulting harsh criticism and verbal abuse was so bad that i started to be hyper vigilant#and always looking for things to excuse whatever id done#it suckkksssss in adulthood because it makes you act squirrelly and weird (read: suspicious#to someone who doesn't understand that kind of anxiety) AND if you do genuinely make a mistake#it's really hard not to get extremely defensive bc you're expecting to be emotionally demolished if you admit you were at fault#it's not a gr8 behavior and i hate when i catch myself doing it#ive gotten way better about that one in the last few years but only because i now live with people who are capable of regulating#even when they are angry with me.
5 notes · View notes
turnedinto-themoon · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
Bro genuinely what the fuck are you talking about
20 notes · View notes
oasisr · 10 months
Text
I truly believe that we're all a little bit narcissistic these days due to trauma, abuse and demonic oppression.
I think what matters most is that we must practice self reflection, kindness to ourselves and others, prayer, repentance, and the path towards redemption.
8 notes · View notes
americanphancakes · 11 months
Text
I wanna talk about my mind for a little bit
I was gonna save this until after I posted the last Wingless Angel chapter but I can’t post it yet. Pretty sure my mind wants me to get this out of my system first.
So hi everyone, how are you? How have you been? Honestly if you’re still following at all I’m delighted.
I don’t want this to come across as some excuse for all the unfinished fanfic I left behind 3+ years ago, which is why I wanted to publish WA first, so I hope you don’t take it that way. But I ended up stumbling upon an aspect of my mental health that I’m still trying to address and since I never really saw anyone post or talk about my particular issue before very recently, I wanted to share it in case it resonates with anyone.
(Clearly stuff has changed, this is where I'd normally put a "read more" but.... I guess that's not a thing anymore?? Hopefully this isn't a huge annoying wall of text on everyone's dash, oof.)
I’ve posted before about my ADHD. I’ve been getting treatment for it for 10 years now, and for all that time, medication & other coping mechanisms have been helpful to a point, but only to a point. There was still something left that was keeping me from functioning, and I couldn’t tell what it was. All I knew was that I had no will of my own, and I’d spent the last 10 years trying to create situations where the people in charge were asking (or implying that i should do) things I considered good to do. “People in charge” meant anyone besides myself. If someone was not me, they automatically had authority, simply by virtue of being someone external to me.
I did a lot of research trying to find something that matched up with my experiences & feelings, even partially, and I looked into things like PDA autism and even just the people-pleasing habits common with other ADHD folks.
At some point, with therapy, I did learn how to say “no” to other people’s demands of me. I learned to set boundaries. But I was still profoundly uncomfortable with dictating what I was going to do, especially if anyone else was ever going to be aware of it.
When I was a little kid, i was told “no” constantly, and that’s not hyperbole. I’ve cited the story many times of falling in love with the violin when I was 9 but immediately being told “No, you’re going to play the flute.” So I played the flute, but without any passion for it I couldn’t figure it out and I quit, and my mom never stopped making me feel guilty about it. But that wasn’t the only example of that kind of thing. I wanted to play soccer; mom said play basketball, so I played basketball. I wanted to play piano; mom bought me a guitar and my sister got the electronic keyboard. (We eventually switched, but I never felt like I could fully commit to playing the thing). I wanted to learn Spanish or Japanese in high school; mom told me to learn French, so I took four fucking years of French.
My feelings and wishes were effectively not a factor in what I was allowed to do, what goals I was allowed to pursue, unless I was staying in my room and out of everyone’s way (and even then I had to make sure I jumped up to do what was asked of me if I got called from another room). Eventually I learned, as a survival mechanism, to just obey. It wasn’t worth fighting anymore because I was systematically robbed of my individuality at every turn. Something happened when I was 13 that I will never talk about publicly and she played "good parent who has her kid's back" for about 5 minutes before siding with the bad guy. I brought it up years later and she was mad I'd never gotten over it. And all that is on top of being raised to be a "good little capitalist drone" who needs to be perfect and efficient at all times. I was never supported. I was never given grace. So I never gave grace to myself, because if your own parents don't give you grace & time to learn and be flawed, then clearly you don't deserve any, right?
I finally cut my mother out of my life not long after the pandemic began, a few months after having gone no-contact from my father (mostly due to his casual racism & transphobia, which cost me at least one very close friendship when I was a kid, and was unkind to my child in a way I could not abide). My immediate family - spouse and kid - are the only family I have left now. And it sounds tragic on paper, because it is, but until I finally got away from my mother's voice in real life I couldn't filter through the recordings of her voice in my mind so I could finally throw them away. And that knot is still being untied. Honestly this is 10 years into a very long mental health journey, when you think about it, but I wish I'd cut my mom out of my life a very very long time ago. I wasn't angry about lost time when I got my ADHD diagnosis. I was angry about it when I realized that yes, this had been abuse, and I hadn't been courageous enough to get away from it sooner.
Because that dehumanization resulted in me having no will power of my own, and that extended as far as simply not wanting anything anymore. I like things, sure, but anything I WANTED for myself was out of the question, especially if it involved other people in any way, but honestly even solo pursuits became impossible for me to will myself to do. For right now, when I have something I want to do, I'm telling my friends & husband to order me to do it. Because I won't do it otherwise. And it's a potentially dangerous workaround, but it's all I have for now. I and my therapist are hoping that once my brain registers that what other people are telling me to do is aligned with what I want to do, maybe it won't depend on other people's commands anymore and I'll just take control of my own life for once. But that may not work. I'll have to wait and see.
So what does this have to do with my abandoned fics? Well, it had started to become more difficult to write because the adhd "shinyness" was wearing off anyway, but I'd been doing a good job of pushing past it because people liked what I was writing. I could see my skill getting better, and engagement was going up, and that was really motivating. But then... I stopped writing fic all of a sudden because someone made a post about finding it shitty when writers wrote about COVID in their fics, and.... that was sort of a last straw that broke me, because I do exactly that in the last WA chapter. So I just turned tail and ran away. I tried to push through and write & publish the chapter anyway, because it was the LAST chapter and I knew people were waiting on it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Even having OSBB obligations didn't get me writing again, and given that obligation, the shame I felt about not having finished those stories weighed on me so badly that I couldn't even interact with you guys on Instagram, despite you having been so kind to me in the past. Let's face it, that goes WAY beyond adhd rejection sensitivity, that's a trauma response. I saw one bit of honestly well-reasoned critique of work that wasn't even mine, and I just ran. Immediately I felt like I was no longer allowed to take up space here. I felt unwelcome here in this corner of the internet world, just as I have always felt like I wasn't allowed to take up space in the physical world for almost my ENTIRE life. And the shame I already feel about myself normally was compounded by what I felt was a cowardly thing to do, which prevented me from returning. Now that I've accepted that, yes, I am an abuse victim whose life has been MASSIVELY and MAJORLY affected by that childhood trauma, I'm finally able to address it properly. Over the last few weeks I've been changing the direction of my therapy and my self-talk (reparenting yourself is HARD) and I'm feeling some improvement, but progress isn't linear so my burst of motivation the other night fizzled out, and I'm genuinely sorry for that.
So... yeah, I'm trying to come back and get those fics finished. I'm grateful for any of you willing to be patient with me. Consciously I KNOW I deserve any support willingly given to me by any of you, but I FEEL like I don't. So yeah. Thanks. <3
9 notes · View notes
treesbian · 2 years
Text
i think it's really fun but actually sad how my mother isnt going to believe im a lesbian and not asexual or aromantic unless she walks in on me getting lesbian topped by my gay wife but even then she'll go ummm but sexual activity doesn't mean sexual attraction and i think your gay wife is actually your platonic life partner and you're lying to yourself. im not homophobic ive been an ally since the 90s i had gay friends in high school.
3 notes · View notes
sensitivegoblin · 3 months
Text
Vent
Tw: suicide
#I need a hug#I've got heavy shit on the mind#I'm hypersexual n need sex but at the same time I'm tired of whoring myself out for attention#there's people I keep around even tho I'm 90% sure they're just using me#just seems funny that im suddenly popular when I get the energy to send spicy pics#this is about several people still here and not#I know it's my fault for letting myself be used#but at this point?.....I hate myself so much and I want the attention more than I wanna be safe#I don't see vaule in myself unless it's sexual.....but even then#im seriously feeling broken#my life wasn't horrible I have no excuse to be this much of a loser#but no matter how hard I try nothing changes#I don't think I'll ever feel loved n safe#I wanna fall asleep in arms that are 110% safe#I'm not being used everything's equal and I'm confident I won't be dumped#why am I broken in these ways when I had a good life that people who are actually abused envy#I wish something solid happened in my life so I wouldn't feel like a fake loser#what if God tells me I was subconsciously lazy the whole time#IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING but; I'm just really feeling like I'm a bad person who needs to be exterminated#but what if subconsciously I'm just saying that because I want attention?#what if I'm subconsciously making every problem up and I'm just lazy and bad and evil#I really feel like the world would be better off without me even if it makes my loved ones sad#I know this one's far fetched but it's a real anxiety I have and I need to get it off my chest in hopes I'll forget it;#what if in my effort to make everyone happy I'm subconsciously following the devil's deeds cus I'm the antichrist?#right now logically I'm not 100% there#but there are times during anxiety attacks where it feels more than 100% possible that I'm that evil...#I just feel like I'm desperately trying to scrub my subconscious clean and I can't reach these really dark places#I can't see everything and it scares me what if there's stuff I don't agreee with there#I wish someone could understand these feelings but I just think I'm so fucked up m twisted#:( I don't wanna be a bad person
0 notes
snekdood · 9 months
Text
why does it feel like...
ppl: believe victims!!
me: im a victim
ppl: actually u should be able to forgive and understand ur abuser and stop blaming them for being shitty bc they had a sad upbringing, actually, did u know,
as well as
ppl: yeah, fuck snake
someone else: yknow hes accused of being abusive too
ppl: omg yeah its probably 100% true and im not gonna question it further bc I hate him so much and i'm gonna act like its fine he was abused and my hatred and possible attempts to sabotage him is always justified in spite of doing abuser apologia earlier against him
#hmm... kinda seeing a pattern...#smells like to me that... you just wanna make excuses for my abuser#and hate me for making you ever have to consider the idea they're abusive#bc things were so much easier for you when you consumed their content without having to think about it#nostalgia makes a bitch defensive i see i see#when its some shitty comedian guy you dont feel attachment to its whatever. but oh no this person is queer and you like them!!1#how could anybody that YOU like be problematic?? its only the ppl you dont care as much about that are :/#not defending the comedians just showing you how you're being a selective ass hypocrite#at this point this applies to at least 2 abusers of mine.#wait no. make that three. im horrible and irredeemable for the crime of. calling someone out on their behavior.#they're all forgivable and their actions can be excused because... you dont want to believe me?#or you for some reason decided it didn't effect me that badly bc you hate me?#fuck off#just be honest. you don't believe me and even if you did you dont care what happens to me bc i dared call out your fave#thats really it.#you dont *like* thinking about the morality of it all. you for some reason thought it would be safe amongst queer ppl#i hate to tell you but theres shitty abusive people everywhere. unfortunately you wont be able to escape them just bc you hide in queer#spaces. trust me! i learned that the hard traumatizing way!#so no you do actually have to think about it still. never are you gonna find a space where you can toss away critical thinking.#i've always been paranoid about being raped and always hid inside bc of it. one of the first times i come out of my shell i do it bc i thin#i might actually be able to trust ppl since they weren't like the other ppl who abused me. low and behold#for one my abuser is just like the other ppl who abused me and just hid it#two i did totally get sexually abused! and whether you wanna acknowledge that or not based on how inconvenient you find that truth#doesnt stop it from being true mother fucker.
1 note · View note
Text
Many of the younger ccs speaking up about Wilbur's manipulation is INCREDIBLY concerning, and I don't think they'll be the last. I think it's also a big indication that it happened to Tommy too, and that he'll take a while to respond. People demanding an immediate response need to remember that he was likely a victim of it too, he just may not have been aware of it.
I mean, Wilbur's ADMITTED he relied on Tommy for his mental health when he was still a minor. That is NOT something adults should ever do and it has always been odd to me. It also makes it very hard for the minor involved to leave the friendship, since they see themselves as responsible for the older person. I don't think I need to really go into how unhealthy that sort of thing is, it isn't an uncommon occurrence and lot of people will have a better explanation than me. But it is something to keep in mind, that Tommy may feel responsible or have been groomed to excuse the behavior.
The library stream is another example of the manipulation, and I'm surprised no one is talking about it. Tommy literally talked about how uncomfortable he was at Wilbur's house. It was cold, he had no blanket, he didn't want to keep staying there, he would rather be out in public at night in a strange place. Then Wilbur just shows up out of nowhere and tells Tommy he's misremembering/being dramatic and pretty much shuts him up, gets him to stop talking shit about him. Everyone's exasperation with Tommy in the situation (being a minor alone and uncomfortable and uncertain of what to do, far from home with nowhere to go), helped Wilbur pull Tommy back in and convince him to go back to his house, especially since it was passed off as Wilbur being caring.
It was obvious to me during the stream that Tommy was telling the truth and Wilbur was the one lying, but I figured he was just being defensive because he didn't want all that online. Now we know that he had a LOT more to hide about his living situation that he didn't want being spilled, and manipulators/abusers don't tend to like it when someone goes and starts talking about the truth. They want to downplay it as much as possible, and Wilbur showing up in person to shut Tommy up and make fun of him for not wanting to stay with him, make it more lighthearted, is incredibly telling and I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone point that out.
There are so many other things I found odd throughout the years that finally have a proper explanation to them, but that's just a few examples. I'm not going to get too much further into it. Wilbur isn't who we should be focusing on, I just needed to get that out to move on from it.
I do think pointing out that Tommy has openly been manipulated is important because it may cause him to take a while to respond openly to all this while he processes. If Wilbur treated so many of his ex-friends badly it's safe to assume he did it to all of them, and we need to give everyone involved time to stop and think about the situation. A lot of people want Tommy to respond immediately, but he will need time to do that and it's only fair we give him the space to do that properly.
I also think it is so, so incredible that Shelby has given so many people the space and bravery to come forward. I believe there will be more people speaking up soon, they just need time. Support her and other victims!
5K notes · View notes
max1461 · 7 months
Text
A moral lesson I wish literally everybody would learn is this: the very same actions that keep you safe when you are powerless can be abusive when you hold power over someone. The difference between resisting subjugation and subjugating others is often more a matter of context than anything else. And when context changes, it can be hard to relearn one's behavior—it requires an active effort. Probably all of us have hurt others needlessly, in some way or another, by doing things out of a reactive instinct for self-preservation. Probably all of us have been hurt by others, sometimes very deeply, when they were acting out of the same instinct.
I don't like speaking about ethics in the language of blame, but insofar as blame is a coherent notion to begin with, I'll say this: neither is anyone evil for the failure to fully rework themselves and free themselves of bad habit after struggle, nor does the difficulty of reworking oneself excuse the abuse of others. Nor, though we may wish otherwise, is it always epistemically possible to our own actions with confidence in one camp or the other. We can only do our best to treat others well and at the same time ourselves, though it is often not clear how.
6K notes · View notes
perrysoup · 3 months
Text
Like, do Zionists think that as a US citizen, I’m not equally disgusted with my own government? Like, not just for the latest shit in the news, but its entire history.
Am I crazy? It’s always “you hate Israel cause it’s a Jewish state”
Nah dog, I hate the genocide. The capture of land. The murder of innocents.
AND MY OWN FUCKING COUNTRY SUPPORTS IT AND STILL COMMITS IT!
Refusal to rectify the torture caused to first nationers.
The over throw of a legitimate government in Hawaii to give us an excuse to build a Naval base there.
The treatment of native Alaskans as a commodity with their land.
Refusal to treat “our territories” as equals.
Just like you, I can hate multiple things at once. And I can push for change in more places than one. Wild I know that I don’t have the focus of a mayfly, but trust me, I can hate and change both at the same time.
Idk why it’s hard to realize that my disgust isn’t about Judaism, I think it is a fascinating and (overall) well meaning religion that people abuse and use to abuse. My disgust is, you know, the genocide.
Wild I know
2K notes · View notes
inkskinned · 11 months
Text
there are days that it is hard, and unfair, and some horrible part of me wishes i could have been born in a different world. i love being queer, i hate how others react to it. when i first came out at 15, my mom whispered: please don't say that. your life would be so much harder.
it is harder.
it is also a tuesday, walking my dog. we are both skiving off of work, and yes both of us have dyed hair and pronouns. mine is patchy - it was my first time trying bleach; i didn't have enough. theirs is a resilient toadstool green. a little girl comes up to us and asks um, excuse me? is your hair real? 'cause jason says you're a fairy.
it is sunday brunch, all of us talking over each other, overfull on love. she is trying out a new name today, and we made her a cake with today's name scrawled in shaky purple letters. she laughs so much she cries and then gets frosting in her hair. someone young at a different table keeps giving us these large, wide eyes: the same look we have all been on the other side of. the kind that says, breathless: wait, is that possible?
it is a half-fight in a supermarket because he loves "dance moms" and says abby's tiktok is funny and meanwhile i think the children in that show should be allowed to sue abby lee miller for child abuse. i tell him that it led to the casual acceptance of child harassment for mainly adult views; and then i am standing, suddenly, in someone else's thrown soda. there's a white lady standing there, furious, saying something about hell-on-earth. i had forgotten i was wearing stuff with pride colors. and then it is this: he had just been casually arguing with me - and within an instant, he squares his shoulders and goes after her like i am his sister
on saturday i sat in a circle while beca played with my hair and we were all over 30 and we laughed about how much happier we are being this old, how much more we appreciate our community. 25 minutes from now, we will be on stage to dance in baggy beige clothing, but for now we look on with envy to the dancers in loud-and-bright buttondowns. where are they getting these shirts! i cry, distraught. everyone laughs. one of our friends has a mushroom witch hat. this would have been cringey in high school, probably. instead we are all delighted with each other; happy just to be here and alive and moving
it's that last week my new friends cried with joy for me when they heard i'm getting top surgery. every so often i have the honor of being the first person someone feels comfortable enough to tell. i'm trying to make long fluttery butterfly wings to wear to pride; but i don't know anything about fabric or dye, so my friends have been sending me their personal advice.
i think in a different poem i would talk about how sometimes you walk into a room and put the mask back on. but i'm sleepy and my whole brain is fuzzy so i think in this one, it's a monday, and my dog and i took a nap on a couch, and i had missed texts from friends. i used to wake up lonely. i think this poem is about walking into a room and seeing someone and just knowing, the way you just-know-sometimes, and then giving them that little smile, and seeing them light up with joy and relief. it is how we always seem to be able to find each other in a crowded room. how we always seem to make friends with each other before even we know-it-to-be-true. it is saying: we're very different people; but i belong to you.
it is harder, yes. but it comes with a built-in family.
5K notes · View notes
meltingmidas · 16 days
Text
Coachella Rut
Paring: Idol!Hongjoong x Non Idol!Reader
CW: DomJoong/SubReader, Joongie is aggressive :))), pinv, unprotected sex (don’t do this plz this is not sexy!), creampie, mentions of marks and bruises, degradation, pls lmk if i missed anything!
WC: 920
Midas's Notes: So I literally started this right after watching the Coachella stream.. holy shit. Joong really did something to me and idk if I’ll ever be the same. Is there possibly a Mingi one in the works? Maybe. Uhhh this is NOT edited cause I’m too tired and this is just raw horniness so please enjoy (and excuse) this messy fic! PS also didn’t have a fuckin clue what to name it so enjoy the random title <3
🔞 Below 🔞
“Fuck Joong, slow doowwwn- ugh please!” You whimpered as he roughly pounded into your abused pussy, your legs over his shoulders, his arms beside your head. He’s been at it for nearly 2 hours now, rejecting your every single orgasm, giving you no time to rest. Your neck is littered in bruises, cheeks red from his previous slaps, eyeliner dragged down to your jaw. He’s always like this after a concert; but for some reason Coachella has him in a rut.
He’s aggressive, raw, and borderline psychotic. A wild smile plastered on his face, the shitty red dye running down his face over his eyes and around his cheeks, down to his chin and neck. He locks eyes with you as he brings his hand up to roughly hold your jaw, your cheeks uncomfortably squishing together. “You are fucking mine, got it? Your heart, your soul, your thoughts, your pretty pussy, everything. You belong to me. Yeah?”He whispers out, inches away from your face, he’s movements never faulting. You nod, and mewl out a small “Yes sir” before he gives the corner of your lips a small kiss and returning to the side of your head, giving light nips to your neck. Hongjoong looks straight out of a horror movie; and it’s fucking sexy.
You’re dragged out of your thoughts by a particular hard thrust, kissing your velvety sweet spot inside you, making you sing his name like it was a prayer. “You look so fucking good underneath me. All fucked up on my cock, yeah? You can’t get enough of me, can you?” He grunts out, his voice course from the previous show he put on. You nod eagerly, your nails scratching at his shoulders, bound to leave your mark all over him. “Yeaah that’s right slut. Tell me how good I am.” You moan loudly at his request, surely others would hear (not that you cared), starting to attempt to form a sentence. “Cock feels to-fuck feels too good Joong. Need you to fuck me harder. Please!”.
He chuckles deeply, heavy into your ear, soft grunts and pants leaving his lips. “You feel so fucking good, you were made for me, whore.” You scream out his name as he starts fucking you faster; harder than he’s ever gone before. You whine and whimper, begging for your release, “Please Joong- pleasepleaseplease fill me up sir, I need it so bad. Need your cum inside me so bad.” Hongjoong moans loudly in your ear, his breath fanning against the shell. He lifts up to look at you, the fully sits up, your lower half now slightly lifted up off the bed thanks to your legs still over his shoulders. He gives you a wild smirk, eyes dark and full of love and lust. His hands find the plush spot of your hips, nails digging his shape into it. You whine, tears spilling out as you keep your babbling pleas for his seed. “Fuck- such a good girl, asking so politely for my cum.” One hand moves from your hips and finds your clit, your eyes shoot open and a drawn out moan leaves your lips, a new spark shoots up your spine and your release edging closer and closer.
He grunts, his thrust growing sloppier and harder, you can feel him twitch inside you as he gets closer. “Gonna make you mine sweetheart. All mine- fuck.” He peers down at you, a smile and his signature laugh, “Cum for me, doll.” That was all you needed as you find yourself twitching, hips bucking up into his, you feel your walls convulsing around his, feeling your sweet slick run down to your ass. He moans, voice scratching as a string of “shit” leaves him, as you feel hot ropes of cum fill you up. You whine, feeling so full of him and his milky cum. “So so good. Fuck you’re mine. Mine all mine..” he whispers out, more to himself, as he pushes his final spurts of cum inside you.
You look at him through your wet lashes, admiring the scene of his sweat drenching him, basking in his post sex glow. He catches your eyes, a soft smile leaving his lips as he leans down to meet yours. Hongjoong gives you a soft, gentle kiss, completely different to the ones you received earlier. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t do too much did I?” He asks, slowly pulling out of you, a mix of both your cum oozing outside of your puffy pussy. You shake your head, “No, not at all Joongie. But holy shit, I don’t think I can get up after all… that.” You laugh, and you hear him quietly joins you. “Here.” You look over to find him handing you a glass of water (that he already prepped beforehand, what a gentleman), and a towel in his hand beside you. You gladly take it, shaking as you hastily take a sip. You feel him gently lift one of your legs, softly patting and wiping you off. “I’ll start you a bath, and we can take one together. Or would you rather eat first? Which sounds good?” He quietly asks you, throwing the towel to a dirty clothes hamper and grabs your hand to give it a kiss. You giggle, “Bath, then food, please.” He nods, slowly rubbing your knuckles in his hands. “Sounds good sweetheart.” He gets up to start your bath, you sit up, sipping your water and wondering if you should get chicken or a burger.
897 notes · View notes