#he basically spent his last week suffering and then had to end it at the vet which he hated being at

[thecaroliner]

I can’t even sleep. I just want my baby back. and I think I’ve made myself even more sick

[stevesherdaddynowlover]

waiting for a girl like you [s.h.]

an: hiiii so this is a lil something based off this ask!!! i hope this is kinda what you meant bc this is what came to mind and i just ran with it!! but lmk!! and feel free to send suggestions and i hope you enjoy

summary: steve thinks you’re made for him and that everything has led to you, and thank god for that.

no warnings just fluff and a little cursing!! steve being so horribly terribly down bad

wc: 1.8k

masterlist here!!!

Steve fell in love with you the way they do in the movies. 

One day it was just him and his friends, taking each day as they came and trying to make it to the next. He’d go to work, drive everyone around—mindless shit that kept him occupied. 

And then one day you were there. He remembers when he saw you for the first time vividly, probably because he played that moment on a loop inside his head for weeks. He still does sometimes. Compared to all the crazy shit he did it was something so mundane it made him laugh. He’d been walking to his mailbox when he saw a moving truck across the street and 2 houses down, movers filing in and out and he remembers how he’d turn to go back in, not at all interested in being the neighborhood welcoming committee when he saw you. 

Well it was a flash of pink that caught his eye and had him walking briskly back to his mailbox, letters and bills shoved behind his back so no one saw he’d already gotten his mail. There you were, a pink t-shirt that hugged your body just right, a sliver of skin showing between where the shirt ended and your jean shorts began. You were stunning and if Steve thought you were pretty, he wasn’t prepared for the wide smile you gave him when you noticed him staring, hand going up in a friendly wave before you lifted a box from the back of the truck and went inside. 

He thinks a little part of him fell in love with you right there, your bright smile and soft looking thighs enough to make his heart race and palms sweat. 

But he had no idea what was coming for him with you. 

It was a few days later that he saw you again, this time at the movie theater where you just so happened to work. Steve didn’t know this, he swears. And everything would have been fine if he didn’t have such a big mouth on him. The whole group had decided to go to a late night showing of some movie he hadn't heard of you and what gave him away was the way he stopped and gasped when he saw you behind the snack counter. 

See, Steve had spent the last few days going on and on and on about you to his friends. Granted most of them were kids a few years younger than him, but regardless he still droned on. So when they walk in and see Steve staring slack jawed at a pretty girl, it doesn’t take much to piece two and two together. 

The lot of you are only a few feet away from his new neighbor when one of the kids—Dustin he thinks—opened his mouth and had Steve smacking the back of his head a little too hard to be a joke. 

“So that’s the pretty neighbor girl you’ve been talking about for days?” 

“Henderson, I swear to god.” 

Steve cursed loud enough for you to hear, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath so he didn’t do something stupid. Dustin’s voice carried, unfortunately, and they all heard the way you’d snickered after he spoke. 

He’d basically had to drag his feet up to the counter, a blush working its way from his neck up to the tips of his ears as he tried to avoid eye contact. Everyone else stayed a few feet back, knowing that they’d pushed Steve enough for one night and would hang back and watch him suffer his way through buying snacks. 

“Pretty neighbor girl, huh?” Your voice held a teasing note that had Steve scratching at the back of his neck and sending you an awkward smile. He couldn’t do more than shrug, seeing how pretty you were up close for the first time was doing little to help with the embarrassment he was feeling. 

His brain was begging him to say something, anything! He wasn’t a stranger to girls, to charming them, but with you standing in front of him it was like his vocabulary had been wiped clean. 

He opened his mouth but nothing was coming out, brain on overdrive and yet, nothing! 

Even though he wasn’t saying anything, just kind of going back and forth between staring at you and staring at the popcorn machine behind your head, he watched the way your face stayed amused, intrigued by him almost. Your smile never faltered and your eyes seemed to be light as you looked at him. 

“I love a good staring contest but did you wanna order anything?” 

His jaw clenched at the laughs coming from behind him, smile grim as he ordered way too much junk, spent even more, and practically threw the candy at their heads behind him. 

Once he’d turned around he didn’t look back, embarrassment washing over him from head to toe. He felt nauseous for many reasons. One, you were fucking gorgeous. The type of pretty that he felt in his fingertips and that made his chest hurt. Two, he’d just made a complete and utter ass of himself in front of you and he wouldn’t be surprised if you never looked his way again. And three, he’d al—

“See you around, pretty neighbor boy.” 

His feet froze, body turning slightly to meet your gaze and he thanked god everyone else was far enough ahead that they hadn’t heard you. When he looked back you were perched behind the counter, leaning forward with your chin in your palm and a twizzler in your mouth, showing your teeth to him when you bit down and threw him a wink. 

Looking back he thinks—no he knows that he was fully in love with you then. And he had a sudden craving for twizzlers. 

———

It’s been almost a year and a half since that day at the movie theater—the best year and half— and as Steve watches you now, his chest feels warm and light. You’re laying on his bed in his favorite blue t-shirt and a pair of ankle socks, on your stomach with your legs bent at the knees, feet crossed and swaying in the air while you write in your journal. You’ve been going at it for almost an hour now and Steve is in his desk chair a few feet away, everything else forgotten as he watches you. 

He smiles to himself at the way you frown in concentration, staring down the words in front of you hard as if you’re writing the nation’s top secrets, and maybe you are. He sees the way you pause every few minutes to shake out your wrist where it’s getting sore from scribbling away furiously and he wants to come over and kiss it gently, kissing away the furrow between your brows too. 

The both of you kind of just fell together after that night at the movies. You’d see each other outside—Steve took to getting the mail every day now—passing each other in the mall or sending each other small smiles when Steve would come in for a movie, alone. And he’d be there once or twice a week after he found out you worked there. 

It went from seeing each other every few days to somehow being in the same places at the same time. He’s not sure if it was fate or coincidence or just pure luck, but he was grateful all the same. 

Bumping into each other turned into a date and one date turned into two and now you didn’t go without seeing each other for more than 24 hours. Always on the other's hip or you in his lap or him climbing through your window late at night. You’d become almost obsessed with each other and the group had welcomed you with open arms. You fit in beautifully and that mattered to Steve more than he’d ever admit to those little assholes. 

You must have felt him staring because he notices when you’re peeking at him through the corner of your eyes, pen tucked between your lips as you turn your head to look at him. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something productive over there?” 

“Oh, I think I am.” He’s smug when you roll your eyes at him, amusement written all over your face. You always pretend like he gets on your nerves but he knows better, sees the way your lips quirk and your cheeks tint. He knows you love it, knows you love him. 

“What am I gonna do with you, Harrington?” 

“Marry me, I hope.” 

“Not if you don’t let me finish this, I won’t!” 

It’s not the first time he’s brought this up, and it certainly won’t be the last. He loves the way your eyes widen every time, a gasp falling from your lips as you curse at him, telling him to shut up. He might love to tease you with it but he’s never been more sure. Yes, you’re both young and while he’d love to marry you right here and now, he’ll wait. He’d wait until hell froze over for you, he thinks. 

The thing is Steve’s had relationships before, quite a few. None as serious as his relationship with Nancy, not until you. But he wouldn’t call any small relationship or fling he’s had meaningless, they were far from it. They all had a part in shaping him, helping him grow into who he was today. Was he proud of all of them? No. Proud of some of the things he’d done in the past? No. 

But those people, those things—even the shitty things he regrets—made him who he is. And that guy you love. They changed him, for better or worse, to be the Steve Harrington he is today. The Steve that’s watching you blush on his bed that you spend more time in than your own. The guy that has you. You, who’s wearing his initial on a chain around your neck proudly. 

He had to spend a lot of time working on himself, bettering himself even when it didn’t feel worth it at the time. But it’s all worth it now. Every breakup and makeup and loss and ass beating he took is all worth it when he looks at you. 

As cheesy and cliche at it sounds, he thinks you were like the missing piece to his life. You swooped it and everything fell into place and suddenly he wasn’t so worried about shit that didn’t matter and was focused on things that mattered like being around people he loved and caring for those people.

He knew as soon as he saw you that you’d been worth the wait, worth the shitty few years he’d endured and put others through. You made him good, whole. 

“Love you, ya know?” You always asked him, made sure he felt your love and support. He thinks he’d be lost without you. Fuck he knows he would. It’s nice to know someone’s in your corner unconditionally. It’s a feeling he’s still getting used to but will cherish forever. 

“Love you back, baby.” 

[robintherobiner]

yesterday i spent an hour in the shower talking to myself about how I think a reverse robins au would go, mainly in the case of Tim taking Jasons place as the revived second robin. I took the Joker Junior thing and decided "Hm.. yes, this is how Tim dies."

I have many thoughts about it.

Basically, Tim's 15, has been Robin for almost two years, when his dad dies. Like in canon, Tim makes a very strategic plan which could lead to the murderers death, but Batman finds out and Tim doesn't enact it. Bruce is still mad about it, and Tim storms out the manor to go visit his dad's grave. While on the way, he gets kidnapped by the Joker and he's tortured for three weeks because Bruce thinks he's just being an angry teen giving the silent treatment. By the time he realises something is wrong and goes to find Tim, the boy is already dead. After shooting the Joker, he shot himself, and Harley Quinn is no where to be found.

Then, six months after being buried, he wakes up in his grave, right besides his father. He digs out, is found by Talia, and taken to be trained. With Jason, Ra's didn't want to heal him and Talia did it without permission, but in this au, Talia is the one who doesn't want to heal him. She thinks he's too similar to Bruce, and that she won't be able to trick him. Ra's thinks he can. He's wrong, of course.

Instead of reclaiming the name Red Hood, Tim decides to stay as Junior. After all, he was extremely mentally unstable before his death, so i think he'd still be suffering fron the torture and think Batman = bad, Joker = good. After a little while, he manages to recover a bit, but he's still mad at Bruce.

Jason forgave Bruce for not saving him, but was angry he didn't get justice.

Tim forgave Bruce for not getting him justice, but he's angry he didn't get saved.

Tim comes back to Gotham and is a lot more sneaky with his crimes. Red Hood came in guns a-blazing, straight away starting to clean Gotham up, but Junior is much more behind the scenes. If the criminals decided to do good, they'd live. It's not his fault the house they broke in to had rabid dogs squatting in it, or that their hard drives were suddenly copied and shared to everyone they knew.

Instead of attacking the new Robin, he kidnaps her instead. Sends Batman cryptic messages like "better find her soon or she'll end up like the last bird" or "you should keep a better eye on your things, Batsy". Bruce is tearing Gotham apart searching for Stephanie, thinking she's being tortured by a Joker wannabe, when actually she's just being forced to sit through slideshows about the dangers of being a child soldier and told annoying knock-knock jokes over burgers.

I might write a fic about this 🤭

[xoxochb]

semaine de la mode

idk if you'd do this, but can i request jason grace x praetor!daughter of bacchus to lacy?

reader and jason have been friends for as long as they could remember (aka since they were five years old) and she's got this biggest crush on him, but no one knows about it, even jason.

skip to when he vanishes, she looks for him day and night, like she vowed not to stop looking for him.

and then, he comes back with piper as his gf

basically “you've got the one thing that i want,” is reader kinda telling piper? idk if that makes sense.

long story short, reader decides to join the hunters of diana/artemis bcs she can't handle the heartbreak anymore. but, piper had already broken up with jason bcs she knows bro is in love with reader, he just forgot about it (aphrodite kid skillz)

pls make it a happy ending 😭

⋆·˚ ༘ * lacy

warnings: angst with resolved ending pairing: jason grace x praetor! daughter of bacchus a/n: this really isn’t my best work I’m sorry 😭

you would have to disagree when people said childhood crushes never last because in your case you feel it may never end. your undying love for the son of jupiter started when you were five the moment your eyes settled on him, his blond hair and electric blue eyes captivating. for as far back as your crush you had been best friends, always. did you not give enough signs? or was jason grace an oblivious idiot?

oh how you wish he would know. nobody knew. you were left to suffer silently with your feelings. praetor duties had to come first, if you were to confess your feelings and be rejected it would make your life at camp more difficult than it already was, you’d have to suppress your love for the rest of your life. both you and jason being praetors would have made things worse, you would see him all the time! you couldn’t live with the awkwardness of that

one day you awoke to find that your very crush had gone missing, no trace of anything left behind. the first day was a shock. missing? you knew jason, which is why you knew exactly that he would leave like this. the second day you began an investigation, collecting information from his peers. where did you see him last? what was his demeanor? did he have a reason? was he forced?

you were left with many unanswered questions meaning you had to work yourself. day and night you searched every inch of camp jupiter, twice a day until you suspected he wasn’t at camp anymore. you then took it upon yourself to check the nearby premises of camp, checking lakes, forests, streets, anything you could find. even if your friends at camp insisted you take a break, sleep, eat, anything deemed healthy you refuses to give up looking, you couldn’t do anything until you knew jason was safe

“y/n I am begging you please sleep you’re going to kill your self” reyna sprawls along your bed, asking you for the millionth time to take a break

you learn back against the headboard of your bed. “I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to”

“eat something at least”

“I’m not hungry”

reyna sits up to face you. “you’ve got to be, you haven’t eaten in weeks”

you shrug and reyna sighs, standing up. “I’m going to get you something to eat and I’m going to stay here until you finish it”

you watch as the praetor leaves, only hoping she won’t keep her words

ੈ✩‧₊˚

a week later you receive the greatest of news that jason had returned to camp and almost ecstatic you rush to the crowd, only to find him looped arms with another girl- a beautiful girl you would have to assume she was one of venus’ children. your heart breaks into tiny pieces when you realize you spent all your time searching for a boy who found love in another girl

does she know she has the one thing you’ve always wanted? probably not

you leave to your cabin, yet again being left with your relentless thoughts. did he forget about you? about how you were best friends? did he purposely get a girlfriend? of course he liked her she was probably more put together than you ever were- silly daughter of bacchus nobody would want to date you. rambunctious, filled with energy, jason had every right not to chose you

later that night you received a knock on your door. and of course it was just as you were falling to sleep for the first time in forever. sleepily you answer it, facing the very boy occupying your thoughts. should you hug him or should you slam the door in his face?

“hey” you mutter, almost awkwardly.

“can I come in?”

no.

“yeah, sure”

you lead jason to your bed, both taking seats. the silence you once thought comforting you wish wasn’t there

you play with the edges of your blanket. “why did you leave?”

“it wasn’t by choice. I got all my memories wiped”

“then what?”

jason sighs. “I woke up on a bus. piper was there. so was leo. I didn’t understand anything, I’ve never met them in my life but they claimed to know me so I assumed I did. over time my memory started coming back slowly, I started remembering you, my best friend. I couldn’t wait to come back to see you”

you discard you blanket and bring your legs up to your chest, resting your head on your knees. “she’s your girlfriend? a daughter of venus perhaps?”

“aphrodite”

“she’s pretty. I’m happy for you”

jason stays silent for a moment, you assume trying to think of the right words because what the hell are you supposed to say to someone after being gone for weeks?

“I missed you y’know?”

you feel tears threaten to escape your eyes, thankful for the darkness of the cabin.

“I missed you too” you whisper

“do you want me to stay over tonight? like old times?”

“I don’t think your girlfriend would like you laying with another girl”

jason nods, respecting your wishes. “will I see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be busy”

oh how you hated lying to him. disappointment fills his senses, you can almost feel it radiating off him. jason takes this as a hint and leaves, allowing you be alone

the sleep you were about to get was replaced by tear filled eyes, staining your pillow

ੈ✩‧₊˚

was love worth the tears? was a boy worth the tears? it couldn’t have been. a big decision awaits you as the hunting goddess stands before you

“are you sure this is what you want?” asks diana

you nod. “I think, yes”

diana sighs. “as much as I hate love I don’t think you should join just because of one boy. Immortality is a serious decision, not something you’d do over a silly situation. I will come back in a few days and ask you the same question, I want you to think about this thoroughly”

you obey her words. was this too soon? you visit the lake, skipping rocks on the water. one, two, three, four, five, six… it falls down into the water

“I didn’t know you were a professional rock skipper” a voice says behind you, a voice you know all too well

you turn around to face jason grace. “what are you doing here?”

jason walks towards you, picking up a rock and skipping it, not making it nearly as far as yours

“I wanted to talk to you”

“about what?”

“you- uhm, me. us?” he sighs before continuing, “last night, our talk… it made me realize something. well actually piper made me realize it. I always thought of us as best friends, our friendship was always something special to me but I thought it was just because we were friends. but when you said I couldn’t stay over at your cabin it made me think maybe we were always closer than I thought. after I left I was talking to piper about you, and you know her being a daughter of aphrodite she seems to know about this love stuff. she told me she felt that I liked you and I told her about how close we were and about how we’ve always been friends. she made me realize that we’ve never been just friends”

“what are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that I like you and I’ve been too stupid to realize it”

“you’re not stupid, jason”

“I am. I’m really stupid and I feel awful that I never acknowledged your feelings and let you think I just thought of us as friends all this time”

“are you sure? you’re not just saying this to make me feel better?”

“of course not, y/n/n. if you still like me and you don’t think I’m a complete idiot I would love to be your boyfriend”

you might’ve shed a tear or two. pure relief floods through you. happy tears flow from your eyes and jason pulls you into his chest, allowing you to let your tears out. he runs his hand up and down your back in a comforting notion until you calmed down

you lift your head up to look at him for the first time since he’s got back, making you realize how much you truly missed him

“I still think you’re an idiot” you mumble

“I’m fine with that, I deserve it”

you laugh. “jason?”

“yeah?”

“I’d love for you to be my boyfriend too”

jason smiles. the same one he’s always reserved for just you. “would it be okay if I kissed you?”

with the close proximity you were in any other boy would’ve went for it regardless of what you wanted. but you knew jason grace. he was the same boy that always made sure your comfort and needs came before his

“of course”

without another thought he leans in to capture your lips. for the first time, and hopefully never the last

[thevioletcaptain]

So I've been quiet on here a lot longer than planned.

The reasons are many. The reasons are varied.

The reasons are mostly fucking horrible.

Under a cut because it's long. Check tags for content warnings.

First was the expected absence: my parents came to visit me in Los Angeles over my birthday, so I spent the first half of October showing them around whenever I wasn't working a shift at my shitty department store day-job, or in class at UCLA.

Then, almost immediately after they went back to Australia, I got a second job working as a personal assistant for a composer. This was (and is) an extremely fun and rewarding job, but meant having one more thing on my weekly schedule, which was an adjustment.

Given that until halfway through last year, I'd been out of work since I immigrated in 2019, it took a while for me to get used to having so many concurrent responsibilities, and I'd just started to get a handle on things when I got sick right before the holidays. I took many covid tests -- all negative -- and eventually determined that it was just last year's strain of flu, which I hadn't managed to find time to get the shot for due to the aforementioned super busy schedule. I'm almost positive it was thanks to a particular customer at the aforementioned shitty department store job who coughed hard enough in my direction for their germs to get through my n95.

Anyway, last year's flu was a monster, and I spent a week in bed with a fever, then several more weeks being utterly drained and with a horrendous cough to match. It took a full month for me to recover, and then in mid-January, almost as soon as I started to catch up on all the things that had fallen behind while I was sick, things got bad, then good, then worse, then better, then much, much, much worse.

Basically, it starts with my dad being diagnosed with prostate cancer. He'd told me in October when they came to see me, but the surgery was scheduled for the tail end of January.

The surgery happened on a Monday, and it was a complete success. They got it all in one go. No chemo or radiation or further treatment needed at all. I spoke to him on the phone after he woke up, and he was in good spirits. Happy to have been given the all clear by his doctors.

I told him to watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds & Evil while he rested up at home, because I'm writing specs for both this year and wanted him to be able to read them and know what was going on. He's the one who got me into sci-fi and horror, after all.

He went home.

He was home for two days.

He started feeling a bit rough on the Thursday. Short of breath. No appetite. Mum took him back to the hospital, just to be safe.

Turns out he'd had a mild heart attack. They couldn't figure out why. The echocardiogram didn't show any issues with his heart.

Then over the next couple of days, his breathing got worse. They took a scan of his lungs, and found that they were extremely inflamed. They'd given him covid tests but they came back negative. We told them about a work accident he had about 20 years ago, where a switchboard he'd been working on exploded in his face, and he'd suffered from inhalation burns among other things.

They thought that maybe something during the prostate surgery had caused irritation in his already damaged lungs, which put stress on his heart and caused the mild heart attack. He's never had any issues with his lungs since that accident, but they thought that maybe he'd just adapted to the damage over the years without realizing.

They kept trying different treatments to help his lungs heal. Nothing seemed to work. His breathing kept getting worse. They had him on as much oxygen as possible without intubating him, but it wasn't enough, so over that weekend they decided that they'd need to move him to another hospital with a more specialized lung unit.

When they were preparing to do that on the Monday night, he crashed. Another heart attack. Bigger, this time. They intubated him. Sedated him. Called my mum and told her to come in right away because things looked so bad.

But then he rallied. By the morning, though he was still sedated and intubated, the doctors were confident that with the right treatment at the specialized lung unit at the other hospital, he'd be okay. He was still in a rough condition, but stable. They transferred him to the other hospital.

He was given another covid test. This one came back positive.

My mum and brother called me once it was a reasonable time in Los Angeles to let me know what was going on, and the next day my brother booked me a flight back to Australia. I had to leave for the airport about five hours after my ticket was booked.

I got to Melbourne on February 1st.

For the next two weeks, dad was intubated, sedated, and in an isolation room. Every few days, they scanned his lungs again, and they were slowly improving.

Finally, he stopped testing positive, and was moved to a regular room in the ICU. Then he healed enough for them to extubate him and wake him up.

On February 13th, he was conscious enough to squeeze my hand when we went in to see him. On February 14th, he was conscious and capable of talking enough to ask a nurse in his ward to bring him his phone, and called mum first thing in the morning to wish her a happy Valentines Day.

Two days later, on Friday 16th, his lungs looked good enough on scans that they felt it was safe to do an angiogram, which they wanted to do just to double check that there weren't any issues with his heart that they missed with the echo.

They did the test. They found massive blockages. 90% blockage in one artery; significant blockages in two others.

Even though he'd barely recovered from covid, the blockages were bad enough that they scheduled him for open heart surgery on Monday 19th. They said without surgery there was a 100% chance that the blockages would cause another massive heart attack that he would not survive. They said there was about a 20% chance that he'd have complications, but only about 4% that they'd be serious/life threatening.

Like before, the surgery went well. Triple bypass, in the end. We got a call late on Monday afternoon to say that he was in recovery and looking good. His heart was functioning perfectly. They'd bring him out of sedation that night. Keep him in the ICU one or two days just as the standard post-op procedure. He'd spend a week or so in a cardiac ward after that, then head to a physical rehab ward for a couple of weeks until he could build back the muscle mass he'd lost while sedated.

We went in to see him the next day. Tuesday 20th. His 66th birthday.

He was tired, but looked good. Color in his cheeks. He made a couple of jokes. We left after about 45 minutes because he was pretty worn out, and we wanted to let him get some rest.

But then after, that his breathing started to get bad again. By Wednesday morning, they'd switched out the oxygen prongs in his nose for a big, high-pressure mask again. They called to let us know they were going to intubate him again so he could rest while his lungs recovered a bit more.

They struggled to get the tube in.

His lungs were deteriorating badly. He kept getting worse. We couldn't go in to see him because they were working on him all day.

At 9pm we got a call to say that he was just getting worse. They had him on 100% oxygen. He just wasn't absorbing it. His entire body was under massive strain. They were doing everything they could, but he just wasn't improving.

They said we should go in right away.

We got there by 10pm. My brother and his wife arrived about the same time. We went in to see him. He didn't look good. He looked pale. But he was warm, and he'd come back from the brink before, and we were sure he could do it again. We stayed with him for about an hour, and left not long after 11pm. Went back to my brother's place because they live closer to the hospital.

We were there about half an hour before they called us again. Just after midnight. He was gone.

That was about a week and a half ago, now. It still doesn't feel real. He was only 66. He hadn't even retired yet. He was working full time up until the week before Christmas, and had planned on going back to work a few days a week after he'd recovered from surgery. He never had any heart trouble, or lung trouble. He was active. He was fine.

My wife Zel and her mom flew in a couple of days after it happened. I barely remember anything from the past two weeks. Everything just feels fake.

I've been trying to write something to say at the funeral, which we've finally been able to arrange for next week -- it was delayed because we had to wait for dad to be released by the coroner. I don't think I'll be able to do it.

Anyway. That's where I've been.

It'll probably be a little while longer before I'm around here much, let alone posting with any regularity, because I'll be in Australia helping my mum & and my brother sort everything out. I have no idea how long I'll be dealing with stuff, or when I'll be able to make words cooperate enough to post anything, but I'll be back eventually.

I'm trying to keep an eye on Discord (I'm violetmatter over there) so you can find me there if you want. But yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know why I've been so quiet.

[jahayla-parker]

Uncharted Territory : Tom Holland x Reader

Description: 9.1k wc, Reader finds herself working on the set of one of Tom’s movies in an attempt to escape her stalker. Only, it seems she can’t outrun her troubles even in another country. This means y/n and Tom find themselves in uncharted territory as they try to navigate their way through the ordeal. Dark, stalker, hurt comfort, protective, injury comfort, angst to fluff. Happy ending.

Warnings: dark theme(s), violence, curse words, guns and gunshots, wounds/injuries, blood/bleeding, stalkers, stalker behavior, break-ins, and related.

This was a Ko-fi request by the lovely @theslayerofthevampires Thank you again for the support 💜

“You coming?” Tom asked as he approached y/n. He and a few others from the cast and crew were going out for drinks. He’d worked with y/n by now, but hadn’t spent much time with her outside of work.

Y/n gave Tom an appreciate smile but shook her head. “No, but thank you,” she replied politely.

“Do you prefer to do something else instead?” Tom offered with a smile.

“Oh,” y/n startled. “No, that’s okay,” she promised. She felt bad, Tom had always been nice and was going out of his way to make sure she was invited tonight. But, she couldn’t accept the offer, it would make her too susceptible to having her past repeated.

“Have I offended you in some way?” Tom asked gently, his smile having disappeared.

“What?” Y/n gushed as she shook her head quickly. “No, of course not!” She replied.

“Okay, well if you decide to join us all later, you know where we’ll be,” Tom proposed, a faint smile on his face again.

Y/n gave Tom another small smile and nodded. She felt bad, and truly wanted to be able to go. But she couldn’t risk getting close. Especially not to a guy. She had came all the way to Berlin for work in order to get away, she wasn’t going to undo that.

Y/n groaned to herself as she cleaned up her table. Today had been a total disaster. It was one thing after another. They’d basically got nothing done on set today and the director wasn’t handling it well.

“Ice cream is on me,” Tom commented warmly as he appeared from around the corner.

Y/n quickly looked up and visibly hesitated. But, she was quick to see how Tom’s immediate reaction to her hesitation showed he’d taken it personally. She had rejected spending time with him since they met. Although to be fair, she’d done that with everyone since she arrived. Only, the others had quickly given up on her ending her isolation; whereas Tom hadn’t. Y/n knew she had likely been being paranoid. Nothing had really happened since she arrived. And she was kinda tired of spending each night alone and having no one to talk to. Perhaps ice-cream with a co-worker wasn’t the end of the world. “Okay, sure,” she agreed.

It came as a surprise to herself, but y/n found herself and Tom growing closer over the last few weeks. In fact, she actually now considered him a friend. It was strange and slightly worrisome still, but also comforting. Especially given she was certain she was slowly losing her mind to her paranoia.

Y/n had gotten a handful of calls from unknown numbers over the past two days. All of which were silent when she would answer. She knew odds were it was simply telemarketers, but it still made her anxious. So spending time hanging out with Tom was helpful in that it distracted her from the suspicious calls.

While they’d certainly gotten closer lately, y/n still hadn’t expected for Tom to ask her out today during lunch. She also hadn’t expected herself to say yes so quickly and freely. Granted, that breeziness didn’t last long. As y/n was now in an empty bathroom stall as she tried not to suffer a panic attack.

Y/n knew she had feelings for Tom, but that was simply another reason she tried to stay away from him when they first met. However, as they’d hung out together as friends, her feelings only grew. He was just as respectful and friendly as she suspected he was upon seeing him interact with others the day he had arrived on set here in Berlin. Perhaps that’s why she was so comfortable accepting his offer instead of letting her paranoia cloud her mind and change her decision. She didn’t regret it, but she knew she’d need to still be on edge. At least until she could somehow ensure she could determine he wasn’t like Michael.

Y/n smiled to herself as she walked into her rental. She quickly locked the door behind her, but the smile didn’t leave her face. She’d just gotten back from her latest date with Tom and had a wonderful night.

Y/N’s smile evaporated the second she entered her tiny kitchenette area. She squinted hesitantly at the counter. There was a small pile of mail she’d opened but not dealt with yet on her counter. That wasn’t the odd part though; she’d left that there this morning. What was concerning was y/n swore she’d left her pen directly on top of the pile of mail. Only now the pen was haphazardly set to the side of the stack of documents.

Y/n sighed loudly as she ran her hands down her face. It could’ve rolled off the top of the stack; it was a pen after all. She was just being paranoid again and looking for trouble. Things had been going too well lately that her mind was getting defensive. She just needed to calm down. Surely if someone had been in here, there’d be other signs of it.

Y/n took a deep breath and decided to double check that she’d locked the door. Once she was sure that it was locked, she made her way to her bedroom space and plugged her phone in before it could die in case she needed it tonight. She then grabbed her bottle of anxiety meds from beside her bed and took one. Surely after enough time, she’d not need them anymore. She just had to let herself see that she was safe now. Time would help with that.

“Come on, love,” Tom nudged teasingly as he snuggled up to y/n. They’d been sharing crazy stories about how something that went wrong resulted in something positive down the road. Tom had explained how his Uber driver had told him he wasn’t going to get the role of Spider-Man while he was on the way to his audition. He had told y/n how as much as it had hurt and seemed like a bad omen, it actually increased his nerves and made him have this buzzing energy that matched Peter Parker’s character really well. Y/n had vaguely answered Tom’s question by stating that her ending up as part of the production crew for the movie they were working on and had met through (Uncharted) was actually the result of a situation gone wrong back home.

“It’s not fun like yours,” y/n explained with a fake light laugh.

Tom noticed the way y/n wouldn’t look at him and how her hands started to shake slightly. He quickly grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly. “‘ey, love, it’s okay,” he promised. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay”.

“Are you sure?” Y/n asked, filled with guilt.

Tom nodded quickly. “Of course, darling, you don’t have to answer. I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t answer just because it has a different tone in nature than my story,” he explained.

“It’s a bit dark,” y/n admitted, staring up at Tom.

Tom nodded again. “That’s okay, if you want to talk about it, I’m here,” he promised, kissing her cheek.

“I don’t want you to see me differently,” y/n mumbled quietly, her eyes staring at her lap.

Tom frowned. “Y/n, I don’t know what’s going on,” he acknowledged softly. “But, I promise you that won’t happen, love,” Tom vowed.

Y/N’s eyes lifted up and she stared at Tom I’m silence for a moment, contemplating. “Okay,” she whispered. She took an audibly deep breath. “So… I- I ended up here because I had to get away from someone back home,” y/n explained vaguely. “I basically ran… changed my info and fled.” “And, yeah, that’s what brought me to Berlin,” she laughed humorlessly.

“You had to get away from someone?” Tom questioned cautiously. “Was it an ex?” he wondered out loud.

“No.” Y/n shook her head. “Not exactly… He-he wanted to be, I guess..,” she replied. “But we were just friends”. Her hands shook slightly as she recalled how it went down.

“I see, I’m sorry, love,” Tom said gently. “Did he hurt you?” He questioned, his worried eyes scanning y/n.

“No,” y/n answered quickly. Upon seeing Tom’s visible disbelief, she sighed. “Not physically at least,” she explained.

Tom nodded slowly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It sounds crazy,” y/n admitted.

Tom frowned and took ahold of y/n’s shaking hands. “He stalked you,” he guessed.

“How did-“ y/n panicked.

“I’ve had experience with stalkers before, they make you feel constantly on edge,” Tom sympathized. “That’s the only explanation for why you would think it would sound crazy,” he acknowledged. “Plus, love, it explains why you were so distant before”.

Y/n’s gaze dropped from Tom’s face guiltily. “Yeah… sorry about that,” she mumbled.

Tom lovingly squeezed y/n’s hand as he held her closer. “Don’t be.” “Just know, I won’t let him hurt you anymore,” he whispered into her hair.

“Tom,” y/n sighed.

“I do not mean to minimize what you went though,” Tom promised. “I simply do not want you to have to live in fear. I’ll help keep you safe as best as I can.” “I can get you some security if you need for when filming is over and you go back,” he offered calmly, smiling faintly as y/n relaxed some and leaned into him more.

Y/n smiled shyly but appreciatively.

Tom and y/n sat quietly for a little, Tom letting her steady her breathing. However, he noticed how she seemed to be bendy looking around the room. This helped him realize that while her breathing had slowed, she was clearly still somewhat distraught. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, holding her hands tightly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I-,” y/n looked up at Tom. She shook her head. “I d-do-don’t think so,” she stuttered. She curled the side of her lip up out of self pity. “I mean, I got a restraining order, ch-changed my name, flew to Berlin,” she trailed off, “but…”

“But?” Tom pressed.

“I still panic over every weird occurrence,” y/n blurted.

Tom squinted. He tried to trace back the areas y/n had been nervously looking at earlier for clues. “What do you mean?”

“It sounds paranoid without context… Maybe even with context… but,” y/n rambled bashfully.

Tom squeezed y/n’s hands supportively. “If you want to provide me with the context, I’m open to hearing it. Either way, I doubt it’ll sound paranoid knowing what you said you went through,” he sympathized.

Y/n nodded in agreement. “It’s kinda a long story,” she warned.

“I’ve got all the time in the world to listen to you, love,” Tom said.

Y/n bit back a small smile. It wasn’t hard when her focus shifted from Tom’s kind words to what she was about to disclose. “I… had this friend, Michael,” she murmured. “H-he and I would go to the movies, or hangout together a lot. He never asked me out; which is good, ‘cause I never saw him that way”. She frowned as she continued her story. “Yet, it was because of that that I didn’t know he saw me that way. Not until he started getting a bit possessive when I spent more time with other people.” She looked up nervously, only to be greeted by Tom’s compassionate gaze. “I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was staying with my cousin and his wife one weekend and posted about it… Michael got mad and … and asked who it was, why I didn’t tell him, and all of that kind of stuff.”

Y/n tucked her legs under her as she hesitantly let herself lean into Tom’s comforting embrace. “We got into a fight over it,” she recalled as Tom rubbed her back, “I said I needed space to myself in order to see if we could still stay friends after the weirdness.” She groaned to herself as the memories flowed. “I thought he was respecting that… but instead, he just started hiding his possessive traits.”

“It took me what I think was maybe, a week, to notice that he was following me,” y/n confessed with a scowl. “When I called him out on it, he apologized and… and pl-pleaded to let him make it up to me.” She shivered faintly, recovering when Tom rubbed her bare arms lovingly. “I told him that I needed to think and he began calling me, all day, every day, every hour of the night, to try to get through to me. I told him to stop but he didn’t.” She gritted her teeth as she reprocessed the events. “I blocked him… and then he started showing up everywhere and these ‘gifts’ started arriving at my house.” Y/n shook her head against Tom’s chest out of frustration. “I got a restraining order as I’d ran out of options, but the police did nothing as they said it was coincidental and I couldn’t prove it was him,” she explained.

Y/n wrapped her arms around Tom’s waist as he continued to hold her. “The part where I ended up here because of it, happened to be that, one night, I got a call saying that I was offered a spot on the production crew for Uncharted that I’d applied for months before.” She smiled faintly as she spoke about her change in luck. “I had my friend verify the offer, so I knew it wasn’t a trap from him,” y/n detailed. “When she mentioned the only issue she saw was that it was in Berlin, I saw it as a chance. I immediately changed my last name so that it wouldn’t show on any passports or flight registries, ordered a new emergency-rushed passport, and flew out here,” she concluded. “So, yeah, that’s me,” y/n added in an attempt to soften the tension caused by the rest of her words.

“That’s not you,” Tom murmured. He pressed a light kiss to the top of y/n’s head.

“What?” Y/n whimpered in a hushed voice.

“That’s something you went through,” Tom acknowledged with a frown. “But, it’s not who you are, y/n,” he soothed. He tightened his grip on her as she melted into his side. “I’m really sorry you had to deal with that.” Tom took a deep breath and intentionally focused on making his voice as soft as possible. “But, I have to ask, when you said there was something you were going to say that would make you sound paranoid, what was it?”

“Oh,” y/n laughed to herself. “That,” she mumbled, “right”. “Well,” she sighed loudly, “it’s just..”. A few moments of silence passed after she had trailed off before y/n spoke again. “See that picture frame?” Y/n asked as she pointed across the room to the shelf by her TV.

Tom nodded. “Yes, the one with you, and who I’m assuming is a friend of yours?” he asked to confirm he had tracked y/n’s finger-pointing back to the correct frame.

“Yeah,” y/n agreed.

Tom nodded again.

“Well, I…” y/n sighed. She truly felt crazy. “I could’ve sworn it was at a slightly different angle yesterday,” she admitted.

“Hmm,” Tom nodded. He looked around her room as he asked, “anything else?”

“What?” Y/n questioned, having been caught off guard by Tom’s response.

“Have you noticed anything else out of place?” Tom clarified.

“You don’t think I’m crazy?” Y/n asked, her eyes slightly widened.

“Not in the least,” Tom argued. “Hopefully it’s nothing,” he reassured, “but the fear is valid, and it doesn’t hurt to consider the possibility”. He wrapped his arms more securely around y/n in hopes it would help her feel protected and safe now.

Y/n was beyond appreciative over having been respected about what she felt might be paranoia. “Ummm, well…,” she mumbled. After reminding herself that Tom seemed to trust her instincts, she felt comfortable continuing to explain the weird things that had been occurring. “I’ve also been getting weird calls… with no one on the other end.”

Tom’s brows furrowed as he gazed down at y/n. He pouted to himself. “How long ago was this?” he asked.

“I got one earlier today,” y/n informed Tom.

Tom nodded. He gently tilted y/n’s head up so he could look into her eyes. “If it happens again, can you let me answer?”

“You want to answer it?” Y/n questioned in bewilderment.

Tom simply nodded. “I was sincere when I said I want to help,” he promised.

“Okay,” y/n nodded. “Thank you”.

“No,” Tom whispered, stroking y/n’s cheek. “Thank you for being willing to let me know and trusting me to help”.

“Tom…” y/n trailed off. Her hesitant eyes were focused in on Tom’s patient ones.

“Yeah?” Tom replied.

Y/n bit her bottom lip. “I wanted to explain that’s also why I… asked for us to stay a secret,” she frowned. “I don’t want my face getting out there, you know..”

“Of course,” Tom gushed supportively. “And darling, you don’t have to explain things like that, it’s your choice, my love.” He smiled softly as he ran his thumb over y/n’s cheek. “Nonetheless, I completely understand.”

“STOP!” Y/n shouted, her body violently flying forward from her sleeping position. She felt the air from the fan tickling her sweaty forehead. Her eyes were widened and she felt dehydrated. She felt someone grab her hand, causing her distant startled gaze to snap towards where her hand was resting on the bed. She quickly traced the hand back until she saw Tom watching her worriedly.

Y/n let out a shaky choked sob. Her eyes shifted away from Tom’s face in embarrassment. She felt him cautiously wrap his arms around her and bring her to his chest. “I’m… I…I’m sorry, T-Tom,” she apologized.

Tom gently shushed y/n and rubbed her back as she buried her face into his torso. He frowned to himself, hating that the woman he loved was so traumatized. He whispered soothing words as he held her tightly. He made sure to let her know that she was safe and that it was okay that she reacted this way to her nightmare.

Tom had almost gotten y/n back to a completely calm state when her phone began to ring. He felt her stiffen in his arms, making his frown return. He quickly reached over to the nightstand and picked up her cellphone. Tom squinted at the screen angrily but upon feeling y/n shimmy against him to try to see, he tilted the screen for her so she could check it first.

When y/n froze upon seeing the unknown number on her phone yet again, Tom delicately pulled her back to him. “Is it the silent call?” He asked her. Upon her nodding slowly, Tom shifted his jaw and pressed answer as he moved the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” Tom answered. He heard nothing in the background. Not even things or people shuffling around. The other side of the call was completely silent. “Either respond now, or stop calling this number,” Tom commanded. He waited for a response, but still, none came. He glared at the phone as the line went dead.

Tom silenced y/n’s phone before placing it back where he’d gotten it from. He adjusted the blankets to completely cover y/n’s shaking frame. Once she was covered properly, he securely wrapped his arms around her as he began to try and soothe her again.

The night Tom had learned about y/n’s history and comforted her after her related nightmare, the couple hardly slept as she was on edge for awhile after the call. But, after that night these weird occurrences suddenly stopped. It was so sudden in fact, that y/n was a bit fearful that Tom might be connected to Michael somehow. However, she calmed herself down and realized that was crazy as Michael wouldn’t have stopped now because of that even if Tom did have a secret connection to him; there would’ve been no reason to. In fact, one would expect if that were the case for Michael to feel more comfortable and increase his stalking behaviors. So, y/n figured she was just being paranoid from the very start as it had now been over two weeks without anything weird happening.

Y/n yawned lightly as she unlocked the door to her apartment and stepped inside. Her tiredness quickly turned to glee upon seeing the decorations Tom must’ve set up. They had agreed to staying in for date night tonight. Y/n had given him her spare key since she knew she’d be having to work at least an extra hour longer than he did on set today. She figured he could let himself in and get comfortable until she got there. She’d texted him about twenty minutes ago to let him know she was finally done on set. Given the romantic dinner that was currently set for two and rose petals covering the floor, he must’ve utilized that extra time to set this up. While she’d been expecting a more casual night in, she appreciated the sentiment.

Y/n walked further into her apartment, blissfully unaware to what was about to happen. Just as she’d approached the dining table, she felt a cold metallic pressure on the side of her head. Her body began to panic but she forced her mind to remain calm. Y/n turned at a glacial speed towards where the cold metal sensation was. Michael. She swallowed thickly as her dramatically widened eyes took in the way her stalker was suddenly standing directly beside her, a handgun barrel pressed against her head. Before she could find the words to say, or any words that is, Michael gripped her shoulder and motioned for her to sit.

Y/n’s hands nervously sat in her lap as she gazed across the decorated dining table. Michael was already staring back at her. While his appearance still filled her with terror, it was slightly better than it had been with the gun pressed against her.

“Eat, beautiful girl,” Michael said, waving the gun loosely around as he used it to point to y/n’s plate. “Come on, it’s our date night,” he encouraged when she didn’t move, “wouldn’t want the food to get cold”.

Y/n eyed the overbooked steak on the plate in front of her. Had Michael poisoned it? Would he do that? He liked her right? So surely he wouldn’t want her dead.. right? Had he somehow figured out about her relationship with Tom? If so, was that enough to make him try to poison her in retaliation? It’s not like she was even hungry. Not anymore. Any appetite she had when she walked in the door left the second she saw him. But she didn’t want to piss Michael off by not eating it either. Perhaps she could play it off.

Y/n poked her fork at the steak. “I.. uhh… I was actually going to try being vegetarian,” she lied.

“Since when?” Michael asked, seemingly deeply interested in the topic.

“I’ve thought about it for awhile,” y/n said slowly as she inventoried her surroundings. “A co-worker… o-on set showed me.. a… a video today though,” she rambled, biting her lip as she realized her only possible escape would be the front door.

“A vegan propaganda video,” Michael commented judgingly with a look of irritation on his face.

Y/n nodded nervously, her fear returning as her eyes made their way back to the gun in Michael’s hand.

“No worries, babe,” Michael said casually, “it’s sweet you care that much”. “We can still enjoy our night together,” he grinned.

Y/n nodded anxiously yet again, not wanting to offend Michael. “What are you doing here?” She asked. As appalling as this was, at least he was having positive feelings for her not anger against her at the moment. She hoped to keep it that way while also finding a way through this. If she somehow survived the night with him, maybe she could sneakily tell Tom tomorrow on set? Tom. How was she going to warn him to stay away? Did she want him to? Or did she selfishly want him to come over and help her? Could he help her? Was it selfish of her to want him to?

"I’ll have you know,” Michael groaned as he set his gun on the table beside his plate. He paused as he took a moment to enjoy a bite of his overcooked steak. “It wasn’t easy, you were really hard to track down, you know that," he complained.

Y/n’s brows furrowed. Not hard enough, evidently. “Oh,” she whispered. “How did you?” Y/n dared ask even though her voice shook as she worried if Michael would take offense to the question.

Michael actually appeared happy when the question left y/n’s mouth. He smirked as he pulled out his phone. The smirk shifted to a grimace as he glared at something pulled up on the screen. A few seconds later, Michael turned the screen towards y/n to show her.

On Michael’s phone was a picture of y/n and Tom. Given the weird angle and the setting, y/n knew it had clearly been taken by either a fan or paparazzi. Fortunately, as to not further anger Michael, the photo was innocent enough. In the unauthorized photo, y/n was sitting very closely to Tom and he had his arm over her; but that was it. The unfortunate part was that it was taken without their knowledge and leaked online for anyone to see; including her stalker Michael.

“Your new guy friend seems to have a large social presence,” Michael commented with blatant disgust.

Y/n ignored Michael’s attempt to act as if he hadn’t heard of Tom Holland before seeing the photo of her and him together. She nodded slowly, “that’s how.. How you knew I was in Berlin…”. Y/n placed her arms on the table, intentionally laying them over the utensils. She ignored the way the ends of the silverware dug into her skin as she asked Michael how he got inside her apartment.

“That was a bit trickier,” Michael confessed, but was still smug about it. “Especially given the name change,” he tsked. “Which, is too bad. I liked your real last name babe,” he complimented, reaching out and taking hold of y/n’s hands across the table.

Y/n froze and her body tensed. She couldn’t pull away without upsetting Michael. But it made her physically nauseated to be touching him. Or rather, to have him touching her.

Michael took y/n’s sudden tension as an implication that she felt bad about changing her last name. “It’s okay honey,” he nearly purred, squeezing her hands for good measure. “Both are nice. Any name is nice on you.” Michael let go of her hands as he resumed eating his meal. “Anyways, dear, to answer your question,” he mumbled with food in his mouth. “Once I went through the list of names for the cast and crew, I realized the name change, but thought it was just a mistake.” He shrugged casually as he continued, “nonetheless, I then name dropped your new last name when I got to set and asked for an extra key”. He smirked to himself, his eyes flickering up to meet y/n’s . “I’m sure you’re wondering how I was able to get one,” he said excitedly. “I pretended to be one of your co-workers who was running behind on their tasks and needed to get some papers you had left at home by accident and said I didn’t have time to get the key from you directly,” he bragged.

Y/n slowly dragged her arms back to her. She was careful to do it gradually as to not accidentally drop the streak knife on the floor in the process. As good of a plan as it was, she still felt very stupid in that moment. She should’ve told the others on set about Michael. She’d wanted to get away and leave it all behind her. But by not telling anyone, she let him worm his way back into her life so easily. She should’ve told the crew so they’d not be so naïve. But it was too late for that now. “Wow,” she murmured, hoping it came across as being impressed and not terrified. “S-so,.. wh-when did you get here?” Y/n questioned as her wrists hit the edge of the table. The serrated knife dropped to her lap; the sound muffled by her question.

“Nearly a month ago,” Michael answered breezily.

“What?” Y/n gasped, practically choking on air. A month?! Those weird occurrences had been Michael after all! She wasn’t paranoid. He’d been in her new apartment.

“I didn’t want to rush things,” Michael defended, his tone suddenly tighter. “We both know how that went last time.” He sighed. “But, I was the one who cleaned up the files in your kitchen, dusted your picture frames, and made your bed that day you forgot,” he grinned. “I also checked in on days I wanted to give you space but also wanted to check on you,” Michael added.

“That was you,” y/n murmured to herself as she thought back through all the crazy things that had happened.

“Of course that was me babe,” Michael scoffed. “Babe, I had to be sure you were taken care of”. He gritted his teeth as he glanced down at the gun beside him. “I’ll be honest, I’m not too fond of this… Tom, guy though, that you’ve brought into our lives,” he complained.

Y/n faltered. At this point, she didn’t know how to proceed. She didn’t know what Michael knew or perceived. “I- I-…” she stuttered nervously.

"I mean, really, babe?” Michael groaned as he shook his head. “Why be with Tom Holland?” “What does he have that I don't?” He asked with his arms crossed over his chest.

“He isn’t a stalkerish psycho,” y/n blurted. "So it’s more of what he doesn’t do that you do,” she said, her hand quickly covering her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Well, there went trying to keep Michael ‘on her side’.

Michael instantly gripped the gun with one hand and the edge of the table with the other. His face demonstrated his sudden but deep agitation. “You’re a hard one to please, dear,” he nearly hissed. “But, no worries, in time I’ll learn your intricacies.” Michael let go of the gun as he rose to pour y/n some wine.

Y/n watched in anger and fear as Michael got closer. She was beyond fed up of trying to run and hide from him. She was tired of him altogether. She just wanted her life back. “Wh-What do you want from me, Michael?”

Michael squinted at y/n in confusion. “To be with me,” he said simply.

Y/n swallowed as she scooted her chair back slightly. “I’ve told you-“ she reminded gently.

“I know,” Michael nodded. “You see me as a friend,” he acknowledged briefly. “But, friends often become more than friends. You just need to give me a chance”.

“I did,” y/n argued angrily. She’d given him a chance to still be her friend after the first incident. But things hadn’t gotten any better.

Michael squeezed the wine bottle tightly until it broke. He sighed as y/n gasped and leapt from her seat in a panic. But, he nonetheless calmly cleaned up the mess as if it wasn’t some angry outburst. “I meant a real chance, dear,” he corrected though his teeth. “We’ll have time for that soon enough though”.

Y/n utilized Michael looking at the broken shards of glass from the wine bottle to slip the serrated steak knife into her back pocket. “What do you mean?” She asked, partially out of fear and partially to keep him talking. She’d try to wait this out, but if things went wrong, at least she now had a defensive option/weapon.

“I know you enjoy working on set here,” Michael said with what was likely an attempt at a sympathetic frown. “But, our relationship needs to come first, not work”.

“Relationship?” Y/n questioned, stepping back further from the table; and from Michael.

Michael groaned loudly as he picked the gun back up. But, he kept it low and at his side. “I don’t appreciate the fake dumb act, dear,” he scolded. “You’re far too smart for that babe,” he said with a glare, as if in warning. But, Michael quickly snapped back to an overly welcoming expression. “Now, as I was saying,” he redirected happily, “you’ll be coming with me when I leave Berlin tomorrow”. He stepped to the side of the table to approach y/n. “I’ve got your room already set up,” Michael smiled.

Y/n took another step back as she kept her eyes on Michael. “M-my… room?” She questioned. “Leave?”. Y/n rapidly shook her head. “Michael, I’m sorry, but, I think you’re confused,” She tried to empathize.

“I’m not confused!” Michael shouted. His right hand smacked loudly against the table beside him. The dishes rang out in the otherwise quiet room as they tried to steady themselves. “Sorry, dear,” Michael murmured upon seeing y/n’s fear. “Now, as I was saying,” he sighed.

Y/n jumped as a sudden knock hit her door. Someone was here. Tom. It was likely Tom. She still hadn’t settled on whether or not she wanted him to be here for this. Nor if it was okay for her to want such a thing. But that didn’t matter, because Michael had already stomped over to the front door.

Y/n watched silently as Michael peered through the door hole. She noticed the way he gripped the handle of his gun tighter as he glared through the tiny circular window. She froze with wide eyes as he spun towards her suddenly.

“Why is he here?” Michael spat as he stormed towards y/n, waving his gun frantically.

“W-well…,” y/n mumbled quietly. “W-We had a date n-night pl-“ she tried to defend cautiously.

Michael pointed the gun at y/n’s forehead as he glared at her. “No, WE had a date night planned,” he hissed, moving his pointer finger to the trigger. “Get rid of him,” he commanded. Michael grabbed y/n’s bicep and tugged her towards the door.

Y/n nodded frantically. “Tom, I’m coming!” she dared to call out. At least this way Tom would know she was home. That way he wouldn’t just leave and she might even be able to secretly alert him to get her help. She yelped as Michael’s free hand suddenly clapped over her mouth.

Michael dug the barrel into the side of y/n’s head. He lowered the hand from her lips and nodded towards the front door. “Casually!” He whispered harshly. “Don’t act so fearful,” he said, his voice softening drastically, “it’s just me”. When y/n refused to move, he nudged her forward. “Now, go”.

“Don’t act fearful says when there’s a gun to your head,” y/n mumbled to herself as she moved away from Michael. She took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. She schooled her expression into what she hoped would meet Michael’s demands.

Tom looked up from the flowers and wine in his hand as he heard the creaking of y/n’s door. His heart dropped upon making eye contact with her. She was clearly not herself. “Love, what’s the matter?” He asked worriedly.

Y/n resisted a small smile at how attentive Tom was. She shook her head and gave him a sad frown. “I.. uhh…,” she mumbled, pausing when she felt the cold metallic of Michael’s gun move back to the side of her head. “I’m not f-feeling well,” she stated, avoiding eye contact with Tom.

“I can see that, darling,” Tom frowned. He discarded the wine and flowers on the ground beside y/n’s door. “What happened? Did you get another ca-” he began to ask.

Y/n cut Tom off before he could finish his question. She knew he was going to ask if Michael had called her again, and that was the last thing she needed right now. “I-.. I’m sick,” she lied weakly.

Tom squinted. “Does your head hurt?” He interrogated as he scanned y/n’s face.

“What?” Y/n croaked.

Tom pouted, his brows furrowed. “You’ve been crying,” he stated.

Y/n lifted a shaky hand to her face. She hadn’t realized she’d cried at some point between arriving home to Michael’s intrusion and now. But, as her fingers trailed over her cheeks, she realized Tom was right. “O-oh, just-just feeling crummy, is all,” she tried.

Tom didn’t want to pry if y/n needed a night alone. But something told him he shouldn’t leave. If she was truly that sick, he should stay to take care of her. “Why don’t I help?” He offered, taking her hands in his. “I have a strong immune system and can order us some soup-”.

Y/n rapidly shook her head, making Tom release her hands and take a respectful step back to give her space. God, she was already in love with him, wasn’t she?. “I.. it’s not that kind of sick,” she explained. After she noticed the confusion in Tom’s face, she added, “and I just want to sleep”. She felt guilty for the way Tom’s face dropped even more. “Raincheck?”

Tom was still internally questioning the circumstances. But, he wanted to respect y/n’s boundaries so he nodded slowly. “Of course, darling,” he agreed. Tom knew he had to push aside the worry that came with seeing y/n’s wild eyes and clammy skin; she’d all but asked him to leave multiple times now, he needed to do as she asked. “I.. I’ll see you on set tomorrow then, yeah?” He questioned still feeling something was off.

Y/n nodded reluctantly, not wanting to make a promise she wasn’t sure she would be around to keep.

Tom slowly stepped closer, watching for any signs that y/n didn’t want him to give her a goodnight kiss. When she didn’t show any rejection, he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips. “Goodnight darling,” Tom whispered, “feel better”.

“Th-thank you,” y/n replied with a small sad smile. Would that be their last kiss? She had to do something. “Goodnight, T-Thomas,” she croaked, making eye contact with him one last time before stepping back to close her door.

Michael dragged y/n away from her front door by her elbow. “What was that kiss?” He growled. Michael glared at y/n as she looked down and tried to stifle her crying. He sighed and pulled y/n into his arms. “I can’t stay mad at you,” he confessed, nuzzling his nose against the top of her head. Michael didn’t seem to notice the way y/n shook in his arms, crying more forcefully now. “Shhh,” he said, it coming off as a demand. When her cries softened in volume, he grinned and squeezed her against him, “that’s my girl”.

Y/n could no longer miss the fact that she was crying. At this point, her tears were actively streaming down both of her puffy cheeks. “Please!” she pleaded, trying to wedge her hands up between her and Michael’s chest to push him back.

Before Michael could react to y/n’s pleas, the front door swung open.

Tom had quietly waited outside after y/n shut the door; unable to ignore the worry he was feeling. His concerns had only amplified when y/n called him Thomas instead of Tom. She never did that. Something was wrong. He was just glad that he hadn’t heard the sound of y/n locking her door after closing it; suggesting it was still unlocked. As such, he readied himself and threw the door open.

Michael spun towards the door, allowing y/n to wiggle free from his grip. He glared at Tom as the man ran towards him with rage in his eyes. As Tom dove into his torso, Michael’s gun slipped from his hold. Meaning the two ended up in a brief hand-to-hand tussle.

After a successful knee strike against Michael, Tom rushed towards y/n. He prayed his grabbing her wouldn’t scare her, but he had to act quickly. Tom gently, but securely, grabbed her hand and tugged her behind him. He positioned himself between her and Michael. “I know it’s hard,” Tom whispered breathily. “But, I need you to trust me,” he explained as he shifted them so they continued to face Michael as the man stalked closer. “Everything is going to be alright,” Tom promised as he reached back and squeezed y/n’s hand. “Do as I, darling, I’ll get you out of here”.

“What do you think you’re doing, mate?” Tom asked Michael as he tried to plan a way to get y/n to safety. “Just leave her be”.

Michael glared at the couple as he stormed closer. “She’s mine,” he growled.

“She’s not property, mate,” Tom corrected with an eye roll. He held his palm out flatly behind his back to signal for y/n to stop; to stay where she was. Tom took several steps forward, towards Michael and away from y/n.

Michael closed the remaining distance between him and Tom, glaring the whole time. “Don’t talk about her,” he growled. Now that he was within striking distance, he raised his fist.

“Hide! Now!” Tom advised as he blocked Michael’s fist with his palm. As he watched y/n run out of the room and into the hallway, he counterattacked, trying to swipe Michael off his feet. It worked, but on the way down, the stalker tried to pull Tom with him. Thank God for the fight training he had to do for Spider-Man and Uncharted!

Tom and Michael wrestled for several minutes. Tom knew the creep was muttering something, but he didn’t bother to try to decipher it. All that mattered was trying to subdue him so y/n could get away. However, Tom’s plans halted when it appeared that Michael had somehow found the gun he’d dropped earlier, and now he had Tom at gunpoint.

Michael grinned wickedly at Tom as he stood up and signaled for Tom to remain kneeling. He used his free hand to wipe the blood from his busted lip. “Y/n, dear!” He called out as he moved behind Tom to hook his arm around his torso. When she didn’t come out of hiding, he groaned loudly and placed his finger on the trigger. “If you don’t come out babe, I’m going to shoot this idiot,” he threatened.

“Don-” Tom groaned as he wriggled in Michael’s hold. “Don’t!” He shouted, hoping y/n wouldn’t listen to the stalker’s demands.

“Shut the hell up!” Michael snapped, tightening his hold on Tom. He pulled Tom closer, making Tom’s back more flush against his torso and dug the barrel of his gun into Tom’s temple. “Y/n, if you care about your friend, you’ll-” he warned.

Y/n’s appearance in the living room cut Michael’s threat off. She stared with wide eyes as she stood before Tom and Michael. This was her mess; she got Tom into this. She needed to get him out of it. “I-I’ll go,” she said with a visible gag. “I’ll-”.

“No!” Tom shouted as he fought against Michael. He even brought his elbow backwards into the man’s torso. But, this only resulted in Michael digging the barrel further into his temple.

“Stop!” Y/n begged. She didn’t care that she’d given up any leverage she may have had. Tom needed to get out of here. No one else needed to suffer. “Just,” y/n cried, “just stop hurting him, hurting anyone, and…” She swallowed thickly, “and then… I’ll go”.

“Y/n!” Tom hissed as he stared at her with wide pleading eyes. “Don’t do this!”

“Willingly,” Michael added. When y/n didn’t seem to understand his statement, he stared at her expectantly.

Y/n nodded shakily. “Y-yes,” she whispered. “Wi-will….,” she paused. After she took a deep breath, y/n cleared her throat. “Willingly,” she lied, the words barely choked out before her tears started to fall. It was a lie, it wasn’t willingly. Nothing about this was willingly done. But she would willingly choose to protect Tom. Besides, she knew there was no way Michael was going to just let Tom live. She knew he saw him as a threat. He was just currently using him as leverage. So, y/n figured she might as well try to flip the situation on Michael.

Tom shook as he scratched at Michael’s arm that was wrapped across his front. “Y/n,” he pleaded, “no, don’t do this! Please!”

Y/n shot Tom a sympathetic look. She wanted to try to silently communicate that she wasn’t going as willingly as she stated, but she couldn’t risk Michael noticing. “I’m sorry,” she sighed.

Michael hummed cockily. “That’s my girl,” he declared with a grin. “I knew you’d choose me”. He slowly released Tom, keeping the gun on him while Tom snapped up and into a fighting stance. He kept an eye on Tom as he walked nearer to y/n, the gun pointed squarely at Tom the whole time. Yet, he noticed the way Tom nevertheless moved closer as if still willing to fight.

Michael waved y/n over to him smugly. When she was by his side, he lifted his free hand up to stroke her cheek, causing Tom to lung forward slightly. “Ah ah,” he scolded, “she said she was doing this willingly”. “I won’t have you violating her boundaries and wishes,” Michael stated ironically.

Y/n’s eyes nearly popped out of her head when she heard Michael say to Tom “now you have to just watch as she kisses her actual crush”. She froze in disgust and panic. But, she quickly recovered as the expectant look on Michael’s face helped her realize she had to play along. She took a deep breath and summoned up any acting ability she may somehow secretly have.

Y/n begrudgingly neared Michael. She closed her eyes as she moved her lips until they were millimeters away from his. She set one hand on his shoulder; for both stabilization and distraction. The other hand she kept at her side, fingers slipping into her pockets.

Just as Michael seemed to become fed up with waiting and began to move his head closer, y/n swiped the serrated steak knife from dinner out of her pocket and slammed it into his arm that was holding the gun. She instinctively took a step back as blood spurted from the wound. However, she knew she didn’t have long; Michael was going to be livid.

Y/n pulled the knife out of Michael’s arm, trying not to dry heave at the sight and sensation of his muscles and tendons tearing against it as she did. She noticed the gun had lowered from being aimed at Tom and was not just hanging at his side. But, before she could grab it and hold him at by gunpoint until the police got there, she watched Michael try to lift the injured arm to point the gun at her as his other arm gripped her hip.

Y/n quickly plunged her weapon into Michael’s thigh and pulled downwards. She once again removed the knife from his leg as she stepped back. She noticed he’d dropped the gun in an attempt to grab at the sudden wound to his thigh. So, this time y/n tossed the bloody knife across the room so Michael couldn’t use it against her. Simultaneously, she scooped up the gun and moved backwards as she pointed it at him.

Y/n had never held a gun before, much less shot one. Prop guns on a movie set? Sure! But a real one, not until now. The weight of it and what it symbolized felt heavier than even the blood-soaked knife she’d stabbed Michael with. As such, she was too distracted by the chaos to notice Tom’s warning shout as Michael grabbed at her leg from the ground. Within seconds, her body slammed to the floor. She groaned loudly but otherwise kept her advantage, the gun only moving off of Michael for a split second.

Y/n kicked and scooted across the ground, her leg hurting too much for her to dare risking an attempt to stand up. She kept the barrel pointed at Michael as she slid further from him. She noticed Tom placing himself between her and Michael as they glared at each other across the floor.

Tom watched Michael closely as he tried to back up slowly until he could reach y/n. Only, he abruptly stopped and went to change directions and head towards her stalker as the man suddenly rose and began charging. Tom and Michael exchanged blows once again. His hand slipped in the blood on Michael’s arm as he tried to grab him, allowing Michael to escape his hold for a moment. But that was all it took for the man to charge towards y/n. Before Tom could even attempt to get ahold of him once again, a gunshot rang out.

Y/n had seen the look in Michael’s eyes as he fought with Tom. She was trying to figure out how to get him to stop. Did she shook him? Just threaten to do so? And if that didn’t work, then actually shoot him? She didn’t have a chance to figure it out when suddenly he was racing her way yet again. With slightly trembling fingers, y/n aimed the gun at Michael’s legs and pulled the trigger. She screamed as the shot rang out and Michael dropped to the ground.

Tom immediately sprinted over to y/n. He threw himself into the floor beside her. He cautiously set his hand over her shaking ones that were still holding the gun. Once she let go of it, he took it from her and moved it to his right hand. With his left hand, he pulled y/n to his side and tried to rub her back.

“I-,” y/n gasped. “I had to do it,” she defended quietly, her eyes still on Michael’s crumpled form.

“I know,” Tom reassured y/n. He held her body tighter to him as he felt her tears soak his shirt. The gun was still in his other hand, but pointed at Michael in case the man was stupid enough to try again. Tom wasn’t going to take any chances. Michael wasn’t coming anywhere near y/n ever again.

Y/n turned her gaze away from her stalker and buried her face in Tom’s side when he tapped her cheek to try to distract her. “I… I didn’t w-wa-want to shoot him,” she cried. Despite Tom’s supportive hold on her, she shook violently against him.

“I know, it’s okay,” Tom promised, resting his chin atop y/n’s head.

“No,” y/n gasped as she choked on a sob. “I-…. it’s not okay,” she argued. “I just shot someone!”

Tom frowned. “‘ey, ‘ey,” he whispered, his left hand gently lifting y/n’s damp chin up so she would look at him. “‘ey,” he repeated when she finally met his gaze. “He was charging at you.” “You did the right thing,” Tom informed her.

Y/n sniffled and hiccuped as she tried to compose herself. “You’re… You’re not afraid of me?” She asked, her voice cracking.

Tom shook his head. “No, love, ‘course not,” he promised quickly. “I’m proud of you for doing what you had to,” he admitted solemnly.

Once y/n was in less of a panicked state, Tom quickly scanned her body for any injuries. “How’s your leg?” He asked, glancing between her and Michael rapidly as to not take his eye off the threat for too long.

Y/n stretched the leg in question out before her. “Just sore, I think,” she answered as she felt out the extent of the injury from her fall.

Tom sighed in relief, quickly pulling y/n back to his side.

“Are you okay?” Y/n croaked out after a few moments of hesitant silence. She was afraid to ask the question. She hadn’t noticed any excessive injuries, but it had all happened so fast she couldn’t be sure.

Tom heard the deep worry in y/n’s tone and hummed. “I’m fine,” he promised, tenderly squeezing her hip for effect. “Much better now that you’re here, and he’s over there,” Tom pointed out as he nodded his head towards Michael.

Y/n whimpered in tired agreement. She nuzzled into Tom’s embrace, appreciating the protection and love she felt. “Th-thank-,” she began.

“Don’t you dare thank me,” Tom spoke softly. “It’s not needed,” he promised. He crooked his neck and placed a light kiss to y/n’s head. “We’re safe now”.

Tom lifted the blanket up to keep y/n tucked in. She was resting curled up against him, his arms wrapped securely around her shrunken frame. They were seated on the couch at his apartment, under several oversized fuzzy blankets as y/n had been freezing; seemingly from her lingering anxiety after tonight’s events. By now they’d already talked to the police and completed any forms they’d been asked to do. They ventured to Tom’s apartment as y/n understandably didn’t want to be in her apartment any longer; plus, it was a crime scene still. But despite the change in environment and how tiring the situation had been, neither one could find sleep. So, they simply held each other as they snuggled on the couch.

Y/n hesitantly broke the silence. The fact that they didn’t feel the need to talk about it right away was a relief. But, there was one question that was bugging her. “Tom?” She asked quietly.

Tom pressed his back against the couch cushions so he could see y/n better. “Yes, darling?” He replied, a small but sympathetic smile on his face as he sensed her reluctance to speak.

“How… I’m glad you did,” y/n said vaguely. “But…,” she nervously bit her bottom lip. “How did… how did you know something was wrong?” She wondered.

“You called me Thomas,” Tom answered easily.

“Wh-what?” Y/n questioned.

Tom smiled and cupped y/n’s cheek with his right hand, the other staying protectively placed on her hip. “Darling, you never call me Thomas, only Tom,” he pointed out.

Y/n bit her bottom lip. It worked. “I… I didn’t know how else to signal it,” she admitted. “But… I… well, I wasn’t sure it would work, that you’d notice the slight difference”.

Tom squeezed y/n’s cheek lovingly. “I notice everything when it comes to you,” he said. “Especially if it has to do with your safety or wellbeing,” he added with a faint smile.

Y/n smiled back softly. “I’m glad,” she confessed. “On the bright side,” she murmured, turning to rest the back of her head against Tom’s chest. “At least now I know how to alert you if someone’s wrong, or if he-“.

“He’s never going to hurt you again,” Tom vowed. He tightened his grip on y/n protectively. “I will do whatever it takes to ensure you never have to worry about him again, trust me”.

“I do,” y/n commented warmly as she squeezed Tom’s hands that were locked around her waist. “I trust you, Tom,” she promised.

——————

Taglist: @theslayerofthevampires @galaxyholland @bigbirdstwins @mcushvft @fishingirl12 @raajali3 @justapurrcat @natswifeysblog15 @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @laylasbunbunny

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[bengiyo]

I Feel You Linger in the Air Ep 11 Stray Thoughts

Last time, Jom, his friends, and their allies teamed up to expose Dech and Robert and their cruelest abuses. We then spent most of the episode wrapping up a lot of plot threads. Most everyone has either moved on or is okay for now. Maey is back with Euangphueng, Ming is fine, the mom is rebelling in her own way, etc. Yai is going to France and expects Jom to stay here and wait for him, which made me immediately dissociate. Also, Jom's starting to disappear in images and mirrors and we don't know why.

I like that Yai is skeptical, but can comprehend some of what Jom is saying about himself. Yai may not be good at practical things, but he's a thinker.

Nonkul is really good, and you can feel the complex emotions coming off of Jom as he can finally talk about what he's been experiencing openly.

Okay, Bright has cake.

This is the same team that had a woman give birth, with her jeans on, in the back of a truck earlier this year. I hope they handle this pregnancy plot better.

Why does the subber keep adding Khun to Euangphueng's name when Maey doesn't say it, but doesn't add it to Yai's name when Jom usually says it?

Okay, I really like them articulating the long-term pain and suffering Euangphueng is dreading.

That Fong Kaew scene with Khamsaen was so good. She's worrying about EP and he's convinced himself that Robert didn't touch her, but we know the implications of him making her bleed when he does himself on her.

Bright and Nonkul are so good together. There was no dialogue in this soft montage of Jom redoing the drawings, but you could feel the wistfulness that Jom might disappear at any moment. It's not easy for some pairs to do the 'being together' part really well, but these two are hitting that beautifully. Now that the stresses have been removed, they are clearly in love and a team.

I really love the relationship that has formed between Fong Kaew and Euangphueng. EP is making a very difficult decision and I like the way Fong Kaew's supporting her. It's also interesting to see Maey worry about the karma of getting an abortion as a reason to raise the child.

Yai is reading The Time Machine by H.G. Wells!!!

Not that the monk is wrong about them having no control over this phenomenon, but they could also maybe keep track of the rate at which Jom's reflection is vanishing and see if they could predict the number of days.

There is a melancholy hanging over this that works so well, because Jom basically has a terminal condition that will strike at any moment and permanently end this relationship.

Poor Ming. He's losing all of his friends.

Wow, this farewell party reminds me of the stories shared with me about someone getting an AIDS diagnosis before we had anything resembling effective treatment. Throwing a party before their health plummets to say goodbye.

And now they're dancing as everyone reminisces. I'm just gonna cry thanks.

Jom isn't going to be in this photo and we're all gonna be sad.

Okay, the letter broke me. How many queer lives have been lost to time because we couldn't preserve their stories. I am so invested in this letter now.

If Jom vanishes after he reads this letter I will be crushed.

They ended the episode on the almost faded photo!!!!!

I feel so heavy after that episode. Nonkul and Bright really did the damn thing this week. You can feel the ache the entire time. That party was one of the most beautiful things I've experienced in genre in a while. This show is really special.

[xxwhiskeyxx]

If you still take writing requests

I had an idea for an Alpha x Ghoulette fanfic

Alpha gets incredibly overheated because of his abilities and his temper, ghoulette reader cools him down because they run naturally cold

Fluff comfort :))

Anyways have a wonderful day!

Again if you don't take requests anymore I'm do sorry!

Elsa and her Fire Boy

Hello from the barrel of accidental hiatus! I do infact still take requests I have just been in a writers block since the last semester of college due to personal reasons but I have been wanting to try to get back into writing a bit (this is something i have said time and time again and I shall attempt whenever is possible!) I always love getting requests and actually have some in my inbox that I have been meaning to catch up on (I am so sorry if you’re reading this and they belong to you and i haven’t fulfilled your wishes yet, theyre coming i swear!) I am hoping to crank out some of them this next week since I will be busy the rest of this one as I am going to houston to visit a friend for her birthday (we’re seeing the Ghovie!)/ celebrating her recently discovered pregnancy! Anyways, I shall shut my yap and get to the summary!

So the lovely @evolutionghoul requested a fluff comfort fic with the ever so hotheaded Alpha! For context, reader shall be a air/water hybrid ghoulette who is a healer in the infirmary with the Quintessence ghouls. Now let’s see what the barrel cooks up!

-Love Whiskey

It had been a grueling day, with a never-ending procession of siblings and ghouls suffering from seasonal hay fever, weather-induced arthritis & migraine flares, and colds. The (height) hybrid had been tirelessly darting around, offering their assistance wherever it was needed. She had been seen sitting with Zephyr, gently applying icy hot on their aching joints and later placing her cool hands on Mist's forehead to alleviate her pounding head from the cluster headache triggered by the changing season and bass lessons with the kits that afternoon. She had also been glimpsed rubbing Omega's back and shoulders after he had spent the afternoon adjusting the vast majority of the Abbey's Earth ghouls that had overworked themselves trying to get the spring harvest planted as soon as possible after the last frost of winter had melted.

"(Y/N), hon, you can head home, ya know; your shift ended an hour ago?" Aether calls from the entrance of her office.

Glancing up from where she had been typing a report out on the computer, the (hair-colored) ghoulette sighs, "I know, but I have to finish these reports for Meg before he realizes, or he'll be here until tomorrow trying to finish it so he can go on that trip with you, Papa Copia, and Papa Terzo to the sister church in Italy next week." (Y/N) takes a moment to stretch and pop her back after sitting in her hunched-over typing position

The older ghoul chuckles, "Fair enough, I can grab my laptop and can come help you with that, so you don't have to-" 

Before he could finish his sentence, the door to the infirmary slams open as a familiar Fire ghoul storms in, smoke quite literally streaming from his nose and ears, "Where the fuck is Aether!? His fucking runt of a 'successor' just ruined my fucking guitar!" Alpha snarls loudly, prowling through the infirmary in search of his victim; the heat from the enormous ghoul's body is so high that both (Y/N) and Aether can feel it from her office

"Fuck, Aeth hide in here, 'll I go distract him!" (Y/N) whisper yells, standing and basically yanking the Quint into her office with unexpected strength as the emergency system triggers and the alarms begin to blare. The hybrid ghoulette had become quite close to the former lead guitarist and was very intuned with his infamous temper.

Racing down the hallway after closing the door to her office, (Y/N) searches for her friend throughout the infirmary. 

While the infirmary's emergency system blares, (Y/N) spots Alpha's fiery figure stomping through the chaos. She quickly maneuvers through the distressed patients and concerned ghouls, her eyes fixed on Alpha's burning rage. 

Spotting him near the entrance, she steadies herself and approaches him with a calming but assertive demeanor, ready to divert his destructive fury away from Aether. "Alpha, hey! What's going on?" to which he whirls around with a snarl, "Can't you notice I'm dealing with something right now? Don't bother me with your questions. Where the fuck is Aether!" he barks.

The harsh words make (Y/N) shrink back slightly, involuntary tears creeping into her eyes, but she quickly steals herself and bristles, "Calm your tits and realize who you're talking to, Mr., now try again." watching as he seems to realize his tone and softens, sighing. "Sorry (Y/N), I'm just pissed at that little shit Phantom...Aeon..whatever the fuck his name is, he broke my guitar fucking around with Dew and Ifrit." he goes to rub his face but hisses as the literally red-hot appendage singes his beard.

The hybrid chuckles, "C'mon big guy, it's time for some cuddles and talk therapy," taking the large ghoul's hand with no issue with her cooling abilities already working full blast and dragging him down the hallway.

Looking around the infirmary, (Y/N) quickly finds the room she's looking for, "Code Pants on Fire," she giggles as she opens the door, making Alpha grumble disgruntledly before grunting as he's pushed onto the couch. "You know the drill, shirt off, gotta cool you off before you trigger the sprinklers again. We both know wet pissy Alpha is worse than dry pissy Alpha," (Y/N) teases, stripping down to the tanktop she wears under her scrub top.

The Fire ghoul continues to grumble about 'stupid runt' and 'Damn Elsa and her stupid icepack body,' the nickname having been dubbed upon (Y/N) after a drunken night of a Disney movie marathon with all of the packs and she had performed a damn near perfect rendition of 'Let it Go' using her air affinity to make snow from her water and even made a miniature snowman in the middle of the kitchen that was not very much appreciated by a half asleep still drunk Pebble who slipped on Bitchloff, named by Alpha and Swiss, on their trek to the kitchen for water the next morning.

"Oh hush, we both know you love cuddle time with me, ya sentient air fryer," (Y/N) laughs as she flops atop the pissy ghoul, whose flicking tail then twanks her ass, making the ghoulette squeal, earning her a laugh. "I will not admit anything, but having my favorite girl on top of me and cooling me down is something I will never complain about," Alpha smirks down at her.

Rolling her eyes, (Y/N) rests her chin atop his toned chest and runs her ice-cold fingers up his overheated sides, making the ghoul squeal and her cackle. This descends them into a wrestling match.

*Minny Timeskip brought to you by Alpha's tits*

Not long later, Alpha was eased into a purring and much cooler ghoul, very content having (Y/N) cool fingers running through his hair as she hummed. Soon, the door cracks, and Aether's hesitant voice comes from the doorway. "Everything all good in here?" he calls, "Very much so; got things calmed down out there?" (Y/N) returns, sitting up slightly, much to Alpha's discretion; a soft growl rumbles from his chest as she moves. "Yep! Also, Alpha, I called Phantom, who told me he fixed it. Just a little quint magick and it's good as new; he is very sorry for breaking it, which I will add that it was Dewdrop's fault because he threw it at Phantom just before you came in," Aether explains.

The Fire ghoul sits up suddenly, groaning as he rubs his face, "Fuck..I need to apologize now, don't I" he sighs as (Y/N) chuckles, "Yup! But later, I was enjoying my personal heater," she chirps before yanking him back down, making Alpha yelp and Aether laugh, "Alright lovebirds, I'll let Bug know that you'll be by later" he says before closing the door.

Alpha chuffs as he presses a kiss to the hickey he had left on (Y/N)'s neck last night, "You're lucky I like you, and I enjoy my personal icepack," he mumbles before relaxing into her again.

[sacrificialsam]

What are your thoughts on parentified dean?

I hate when it veers into “dean is sams dad” territory cuz I think that’s silly (and not accurate to me anyway. I know the later seasons lean more into the dean as mom dad brother thing but I don’t think that dynamic fits with the earlier seasons and it does feel like they just wanted to give Dean more poor sufferer vibes which is something I don’t like. The ep with sonny’s farm is an especially bad example of this and I don’t think it fits with johns character in season 1 at alllllllll. In the pilot John has been gone for three weeks and dean is freaking out!!! At 26!!!!!!)

I think it fits when we talk about John and dean’s relationship. Dean spent a long time (until we see him go against John in season 1) coddling johns feeling and providing him with emotional support (and keeping him with him all the time. Again later seasons “dad would send me away sometimes” moments are ridiculous!!!)

i've talked about parentified dean a lot on this blog, but i'll give you a quick rundown of my basic opinions: while dean was clearly parentified by john when he was left alone to take care of sam, fandom constantly insists dean did way more for sam than is actually implied or even logical. i don't believe dean really thinks of sam as his son, and sam would never see dean as his dad. dean isn't and wouldn't be a good parent or parental figure, and saying sam's childhood was 'easy' because of dean's parenting is ignorant at best. additionally, i hate interpretations and headcanons of dean as a mother or maternal.

but to address your specific points, yeah they ramped up the woobification of dean a lot, and i also feel like dean's pity parties got worse and worse in later seasons. after a certain point john had to be vilified even more and act out of character to add onto this, and since preseries and the winchesters' childhoods aren't explored in complete detail a lot of rewriting could happen there. john was an absent father, but that doesn't mean he lost all contact with his family for months on end, as that's clearly a big cause of concern in the first season as you've pointed out. it honestly bothers me because i feel like the added victimization of dean's childhood is used to further the narrative of sam being spoiled and having it good in comparison; it's often played in a way that makes it look like dean was the only victim of john's subpar parenting because 'sam at least had dean' or something. and i want to point out i don't think sam was treated just like dean or was parentified in the same way, but he also had to grow up too fast and was negatively affected by it. and we also know dean added onto that by also wanting sam to stay a hunter instead of having a life away from direct danger, he wasn't the force of good to john's negative influence or anything.

with dean and john's relationship i think it's a bit complicated, john clearly used dean as a point of reassurance and support and did put too much stress on him, which he even apologizes for in his last moments. but i'm not sure if parentification is the right word for it, i don't think he was a parent stand-in for john, much more someone who could act as a right hand man, someone who would back him up (even against sam) and who could be relied on. i like the soldier or even the guard dog analogies a lot better than those saying dean was the other parent in their family dynamic, because i don't think dean ever fully moved out of the son category, he wasn't truly equal. and this is partially because john never let dean (or sam) disagree with his decisions, and dean very much idolized his father and wanted to follow his lead rather than have equal saying.

oh and i answered another ask about parentification before, if this wasn't a long enough read yet.

[formulauno98]

Once Upon a Time in Barcelona | Chapter Two

As the new Director of Communications at Mercedes AMG Petronas Formula 1 Team, you made it through Miami unscathed but Barcelona would bring it's own challenges.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: This one is a slow burn so none

Author’s Notes: Disclaimer, purely fiction, no-one is married in this alt-universe.

Friday AM

Having stayed on in Miami to schmooz sponsors and media partners, you were exhausted by the time you touched down in Barcelona on the following Friday morning. There had been meeting after meeting, followed by dinners and drinks with various business partners. Unfortunately, the red eye was the only flight that worked with the timings you needed and you were feeling it by the time you reached your hotel, the W Hotel right on the marina. Thankfully check-in was a breeze, your Spanish language skills coming in handy.

As you made your way into your room for the week, you surmised that it was nice, not as fancy as the one you had left behind in Miami but it had everything you would need. The panoramic window offered a nice sea view and the marble tub looked like a promising option for later. Once you’d freshened up, you had an hour to kill before you were needed at the track so instead of napping you decided to make the most of the nice weather and take a walk in the sun. Considering you had spent the last week in an incredibly sunny location you felt as if you hadn’t had time to make the most of it. You’d caught a whisper of a tan during an outdoor photocall but aside from that, there was no Miami glow to be seen.

Strolling through the lobby you clocked a bunch of kids wearing Lewis Hamilton caps, clearly hoping to catch a glimpse of their idol. It was common knowledge that as the team was sponsored by a hotel chain, you all stayed in hotels under their umbrella, leaving it easy to guess where the drivers would be staying. You hoped that Lewis’ room was a little plusher than yours but having spent some time with him, you would not be surprised if he was staying in the same basic room as you were. As part of your responsibility within the team was public perception, you knew that Lewis greeting fans in a hotel lobby could be a double-edged sword. On one hand, Lewis would look kind but on the other, it could encourage more to come and then you’d soon have a situation getting out of hand. Torn on what to do you decided to drop a text to the press team.

FYI, there are some kids down in the lobby waiting for Lewis. My call would be for him to pop by and say hello but no PR, and no social media on our end. What do you think?

You paused as you could see Rosie, the Press Officer, typing.

Absolutely agree Y/N. We don’t want to encourage this but equally, Lewis loves to meet his fans. I’ll send him down shortly.

Relieved that your call was in line with the current strategy you replied punchily.

Great, thanks. 

You had a reputation for curt, straight-to-the-point emails and communication, a reputation that you were keen to uphold in your new role. You were not one to suffer fools gladly and you took a stern but fair approach to managing your team. You could already tell that you were inheriting a well-oiled machine and were fascinated by the way that Toto was so hands-on as a shareholder. 

Exiting the hotel, you felt grateful for the opportunity, it wasn’t every day that someone travelled from Miami to Barcelona, stayed in a nice paid-for hotel and was endlessly wined and dined. Having been through a rough break-up only a few months ago, a change of scenery was exactly what you needed to get over your heartbreak. You had thought you were going to marry your ex-fiancé but when you found out he had been sending racy DMs to other girls you knew in your heart of hearts that it wasn’t to be. Even thinking about it made you well up with tears and you took a moment to take a deep breath and compose yourself before stepping out onto the boardwalk. 

Wandering in the sun, you soon lost track of time and found yourself dashing back to the hotel to grab your laptop and jump in the car to the track. It was a little less grand than the one in Miami and you found yourself missing Carlos and his slick, professional demeanour.

It was a much longer drive to this track than it had been in Miami, with the track being out of town. Rolling up the road you clocked fields upon fields of tents, clearly the keen fans coming to watch practice. You had been warned by Pamela and Holly that sometimes the team camped, albeit in motorhomes, but less glamorous than a hotel nonetheless. You’d never stayed in one of these before so were quite fascinated but pleased that it would not be for another five more races. You could at least get to know the team before spending time in such close quarters.

Friday PM 

You’d spent the morning briefing your team on everything they needed to cover over the coming weekend, apologetic that you were briefing so close to the wire. As promised to Toto you had pencilled a slot for his next segment on Drive to Survive and unfortunately, tomorrow morning was the only day that was going to work for both parties in the next week. Having tasked your team last week with some competitor intel you’d discovered that the Netflix crew had spent the last few weeks with various other team principals so you felt obliged to offer up Toto for at least the morning. You only hoped that he had forgotten his request for you to be on camera alongside him. You were sure he was joking but you still could not quite figure him out. 

It was close to four o’clock in the afternoon by the time you sat down for some lunch, having attended both driver’s media activities and avidly watched Free Practice One. You had an hour-long gap to try and do some work and eat before they were ready to go for a second round. Still not knowing everyone you settled yourself in the corner of the hospitality area, hiding behind your laptop.

“Is this seat taken?” a voice appeared out of nowhere, snapping you out of your email trance. You looked up to see a young woman, smiling expectantly, holding a tray full of food.

“No not at all, let me move my things.” you scrambled to move your tote bag from the chair opposite you, having spread yourself out and made yourself quite at home. You felt a little guilty as you saw that the room had filled up around you, lots of people having had the same free time slot.

“Thank you so much,” the woman sat down, “I’m Bella, I’m one of the Electronics Engineers, you’re Y/N right?”

“Lovely to meet you, Bella, that is indeed me. Toto made it hard for me to hide last week!” you smiled at her. “Being an Electronics Engineer sounds incredibly complex, HR took me through all of the roles within the team and I was blown away.”

You chatted over lunch about Bella’s role and the technical struggles the team had faced. Although you had worked in a race team before, Formula One’s cutting-edge technology meant that there were many more facets and intricacies you were yet to understand. You learnt that it was a rare profession for a woman to be in, something that seemed to be a running theme within the team.

Soon enough Free Practice Two was around the corner and you bid Bella farewell as she made her way back to the garage. You decided to base yourself on the first floor in the meeting area for this session as you needed to keep an eye on the big screen showing the race whilst working.

The session was relatively uneventful, with the cars running as expected which gave you time to make all the calls you needed to make, going over tomorrow’s plan with the Netflix producers. Now all that was left was Toto’s sign-off. As he had an engineer's briefing and media commitments it meant you had to wait around until seven o’clock for your meeting with him. You really hoped he would sign it off with no fuss.

You returned to your office as you could then easily gauge when Toto was back in his and sure enough at 18:55 you heard his voice.

“Can you please have my dinner brought up, I have a few meetings now and I haven’t eaten all day,” he said, clearly addressing Lara.

You couldn’t quite hear the following conversation as his office door had closed but could pick out the words “Schnitzel”, “Sky” and then “Y/N.”

Knowing that that was your cue you struggled to look surprised as Lara poked her head around your door and said ”Y/N, Toto is ready for you.”

“Great, thank you, Lara, I will be two seconds,” you said, gathering your laptop and notebook.

“I’m a very busy man Y/N, two seconds is a lot of time in this business.” called out a voice from next door. 

Making the short walk next door you found Toto to be smiling, clearly pleased at his own quip. 

“We could always just knock this wall down,” you said, gesturing at the flimsy partition between your two offices, “It would shave off those precious seconds.”

Toto laughed, “Maybe. Although you don’t want to see me at my worst.”

“I’m sure it's nothing I couldn’t handle,” you smiled, taking a seat opposite him.

“I hope so. So you want to talk about Netflix?” he said, getting straight to the point.

“Yes, so as discussed they want to film a personal segment with you, having had high engagement last season. I’ve done my due diligence and found out that they have already filmed extensively with Christian Horner, and Zak Brown and are even going to spend next weekend at Mattia Binotto’s house. In my opinion, it would be silly to turn this down as it looks great for us. I appreciate that tomorrow morning is a little painful but I think we can make it work.” you pitched.

Toto sat back in his chair, studying you intensely, “Well this is part and parcel of the role, I’m happy to do it. Have they sent a schedule and plan of action? What do you want me to do?”

Unnerved by how easily he was agreeing to this, you replied, “Yes, so they’d like you from 8:00-9:00, ideally in the gym or doing something active. They have secured permits to shoot in the hotel gym or outside on the hotel grounds. Unfortunately not along the boardwalk which is what I was pushing for as it would seem the natural location for outdoor activity.” You paused, adding, “They liked the scenes with the weights last season and would ideally like to continue along those lines. They’d like to discuss your thoughts on the first part of the season and the claw back to glory.”

“I still think it is strange, no? I understand filming the drivers' workout routine but not mine. I bet they didn’t do this with the others.” he looked at you expectantly.

Trying to be tactful you replied “Well they want to give the viewers what they want. And apparently, that’s you working out.” 

Toto raised an eyebrow, “People are crazy.”

Not sure how to respond, you joked, “Well if you think your fans are crazy, just know women are holding up signs asking Guenther to marry them.”

“But he’s a rockstar, no?” he smirked.

“Very funny,” you smiled back, “Back to the point, are you happy to go to the gym and discuss tomorrow morning?”

Toto leant towards you, “You leave me no choice. I’ll give the people what they want. All ten kilos.”

“Great. But we might need to up it to fifteen.” You deadpanned.

“Deal,” he smiled.

You had just begun to go over the finer details of the day when Lara came bustling in with a tray of food.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt but I know Toto hasn’t eaten yet. Can I get you anything Y/N?” she asked, setting the tray down on the desk in front of her boss.

“That’s fine thanks, Lara, I’ve already eaten and we’re almost wrapped,” you replied.

“Sure, I will leave you two to it then,” she said, exiting the room.

“Sorry for this, do you mind if I eat? I’m starving.” Toto asked.

Surprised he was asking your permission you raised your eyebrows, “Of course not, I don’t want to take too much more of your time. Are you all clear on the plan for tomorrow? I will of course be there to supervise them.”

“Crystal.” he smiled, adding, “When you say supervise, are you going to spot me?”

“I don’t think Netflix is so interested in little old me.” you quipped.

“Don’t sell yourself short, they love to find women within the teams and you know we have the highest proportion in the paddock,” he said as he tucked into his dinner.

“Maybe next time.” you answered tactfully, “I know, I’ve met a few of them now, it’s nice we have this balance, I’ve noticed some of the other teams are boys' clubs.” 

“Indeed, we try to keep everything equal here.” Toto paused, adding, “Thank you for organising this shoot, I appreciate it is quite soon to be engaging with Netflix but we’ve been doing it for a few seasons now so hopefully it is not too painful.”

Sensing that was the signal for you to make a move, you shifted your weight in your chair. “Not at all, I’m excited to be working on this so quickly. I am sorry it’s not at the most sociable hour though.” You paused, “And on that note, I will need to go and confirm that you are happy with the direction so I will leave you alone to your dinner.”

“Thank you Y/N, I really appreciate it. See you bright and early tomorrow.” Toto nodded as you stood up and made your way out.

“Likewise, thank you, Toto. See you tomorrow.” You bid him farewell, making your way back to your office next door to iron out the details with Netflix.

Saturday AM 

You woke up early, jetlagged once again. Glancing at your alarm clock you groaned as you saw the 05:35 glowing in the dark. Deciding to make the most of your time you got ready for the day and decided to go for an early breakfast downstairs in the hotel and a quick walk down the boardwalk to stretch your legs.

It wasn’t long before it was seven o’clock, your call time for filming the segment. As you made your way into the gym you scanned the area for potential Netflix crew. Spotting a small group in the corner you deduced it had to be them. 

"Hi guys, I’m guessing you are here for the shoot? I’m Y/N, Director of Communications at Mercedes" you approached them.

"Hi Y/N, I’m Pete, we spoke on the phone yesterday. Lovely to meet you. We’re just unpacking before the big man gets here."

"Likewise. Great, I will leave you to unpack and I’ll settle down in the corner there and do some emails." you laughed internally at his nickname for Toto, it was spot on. 

"No problem, and you’re happy to start the discussion, off camera of course?" Pete took you a little by surprise.

"Me? I wasn’t aware of that but I can do," you replied, a little taken aback by this last-minute detail.

"Apologies, we always work that way as it feels more natural. I can go over the script if you’d like?" Pete looked a little bashful that he’d sprung this on you.

"That would be great, and in future, I’d like to be informed beforehand," you said, making your way towards the table.

You and Pete had barely made a start going through the questions when Toto came strolling in, in full gym kit, raring to go. "Good morning everyone, how are you all?"

"Very well thank you, how are you this morning Toto?" you replied.

"Alive." he smirked, "And eager to get going."

"Glad to hear you’re so enthusiastic," you smiled, "I’m just going over my lines with Pete so we should be ready to get going in the next five minutes."

"Your lines?" Toto raised an eyebrow, "Does that mean you’re going to be my spotter after all?"

This elicited a laugh from the crew, making you blush. Composing yourself you retorted, "Pete would like me to feed you questions off-camera. So no, unfortunately, no spotting today."

"You spot for Toto?" Pete chimed in.

"Yes, Y/N is great, we are becoming best gym buddies." Toto said, a cheeky grin on his face, adding, "Maybe she can star with me next time?"

Pete’s eyes widened, "Y/N, do you think you’d be able to do that today? The scene will be so much stronger with someone for Toto to bounce off of. Would you be able to pop on a gym kit while we test lighting? We have fifteen minutes leeway."

"That’s a great idea, Pete," said Toto, still grinning.

Shooting daggers at Toto for bringing this up, you were left with no choice, "Sure, let me go and grab my gym stuff, I’ll be back in five."

"Amazing, thank you Y/N!" Pete exclaimed, "If we’d known this was an option we would have suggested this yesterday."

"No worries, see you shortly," you said, swiftly exiting the gym, aware that you were about to make your TV debut.

What followed was a dash back to your hotel room and a scramble to find a more appropriate gym kit than your pink set. Settling on the team Tommy Hilfiger ringer tee and black leggings you looked yourself up and down in the mirror while putting your hair in a high pony, thankful you’d already done your make-up for the day.

You ran back down to the gym to find Toto sitting on the weights bench surrounded by the crew.

"You took your time," he said, clocking your outfit. "Ten out of ten on the shirt choice."

"I saw a marketing opportunity," you laughed making your way behind the weights bench.

"Of course. I should have done the same," said Toto.

"It’s okay, we kind of match," you gestured at his white tee, black shorts and matching Puma sneakers.

"Indeed." he nodded approvingly.

"So, shall we get started?" Pete clapped his hands together, signalling you to stop chatting.

"It's now or never," Toto muttered under his breath, sneaking a sideglance at you.

"It will be fine, it's nothing new," you said reassuringly.

"True, but that doesn’t mean it gets any easier," he said sighing as leant back on the weights bench. You could see the change in his face as he turned on the charm for the camera crew.

Filming went smoothly, Toto happily lifted weights while you grilled him on his thoughts on the season so far and how he planned to get the team back on top form. There was discussion of the cost cap regulations and how the team would be revisiting fundamental design decisions.

"Right, now that's a wrap. Thank you Y/N, and thank you, Toto, that was brilliant. I’m glad we changed the setup, it worked much better." Pete signalled the end of the shoot.

Glancing at the clock you saw you’d actually wrapped a little early, it was only 8:40. "Thank you, Pete, we’ll be in touch for sign-off. Lovely to meet you all."

"Thank you, everyone, that was very quick and painless." Toto came out of nowhere, standing behind you and placing his hand on your shoulder, "Y/N, as we have wrapped early do you have ten minutes to discuss something?"

A little taken aback by the shoulder touching you turned around towards him, "Sure. Do you want to walk and talk?"

"Sounds good. Thank you again, see you soon." Toto turned to be by your side and fell in step with you as you exited the gym. "Do you want to walk down the boardwalk, and get some sun?"

"Works for me." you smiled, "So, what would you like to discuss?" The sun was already beating down as you made your way out of the hotel, it was going to be a gorgeous day. You turned left, walking towards the marina as you knew it was a short loop.

"Well, first of all, thank you for doing that. I appreciate it. The Netflix producers often do that and rope people in at the last minute when they cannot say no." he looked a little guilty. 

"It’s fine honestly, I think it would have been extremely awkward for you to have filmed that alone. Apologies I didn’t flag it with them earlier, I will bring it up with them that it is not acceptable to make last-minute decisions like that going forward." You hoped your response was the correct one, slightly annoyed with the way in which Netflix had handled the situation.

Seemingly pleased with your answer, Toto paused to think, "You can try but I think that is a pie-in-the-sky dream I am afraid. It is the way they operate. I don’t love it but I can’t complain as the show has brought in a lot of new fans."

"Well I will try." you turned towards Toto, "They want Lewis next and I don’t want them to take advantage." 

"Thank you." Toto replied, his face slipping into a grin, serious talk over, "So, that was your television debut?"

"Indeed. Not what I envisioned it would be but interesting nonetheless." you grinned back, adding cheekily, "I’m glad you lifted more than ten kilos this time. Red Bull would have had a field day."

Toto laughed, "You’re never going to let me live that down." 

Having wandered in a short loop you had made it back to your hotel in perfect timing. "Nope. Obviously, if you ever need another spotter I’m always happy to help. I need to keep up the gym routine."

His eyes sweeping over your lithe body, Toto replied "As if. But if you are around I would like that. You know we have great gym facilities at Brackley too."

"Good to know, then I will definitely make the most of those. I still haven’t been to Brackley but should be there on Monday so I will check it out," you said, crossing the lobby, trying to ignore the fact that he had clearly complimented your figure after having seen you half naked this time last week.

"Oh yes, you’ll have to get the full tour. I will ask Lara to show you around as it’s quite a maze." Toto offered.

"I’d love that, thank you Toto." you reached the lift back to your rooms. Leaning forward to push the button you added, "I can’t wait to see it."

"Glad to hear it, and the good news is, your office is right next door to mine so we can work very efficiently." the lift doors opened, revealing a packed lift. 

You both squeezed in, conscious that you were once again a little too close for comfort with your formidable boss. Not exactly inconspicuous, you clocked a few of the people in the lift doing a double take of Toto. 

Smirking, you turned to him, "Great, you’ll be fed up with me in no time."

"Never. What floor do you need?" Toto reached his arm around you to press his floor button.

"Six please," you said, ducking out of the way.

Sensing eyes on him, Toto lowered his voice, "Thank you again Y/N. You didn’t have to do what you did this morning."

"Honestly it was no problem at all, it was quite fun for a Saturday morning." the lift dinged, signalling you had reached your floor, "I’ll see you at the track?"

"Glad you thought so," Toto muttered, "Yes, I will see you later."

Saturday PM 

You had spent the rest of the morning and afternoon overseeing media engagements and meeting a few of the Spain-based sponsors. Grateful again for your Spanish language skills it had all gone without a hiccup and you were starting to feel more confident in your new role.

Unfortunately, things were not going so smoothly for the team on track. George had spun rather spectacularly and crashed out of qualifying, putting himself in P17. Lewis hadn’t fared much better, barely making it into Q3, and ending up at P9.

You waited with bated breath for the team to return to the paddock for the debrief. Word was going around that Toto was livid at the results and had almost smashed a pair of headphones when George crashed.

Your phone had been buzzing for the last ten minutes. First, you’d had a cryptic message from Rosie, the Press Officer.

Y/N, it’s really bad down here.

You replied.

What’s happened, Rosie?

You received no response but your phone buzzed again, this time it was Tom, your Partnerships Manager.

Y/N emergency in the garage. Toto is not happy. Trying to do damage control. He almost smashed his headphones and it doesn’t look great for the sponsors. Media is having a field day.

Shaking your head you replied.

Do you need me to come down?

Again no response. You waited a few minutes and tried the Communications Team group chat.

Do you need me to come down to the garage? 

Rosie was typing…

No, Toto is coming to his office now. He’s bringing George and some of the engineers. Maybe you can calm him down?

Surprised by the situation, you replied.

Ok. I will try and diffuse the situation. 

Not looking forward to what was due to arrive any minute now, you made the executive decision to move into your office. At least you were close by and could try and calm everyone down ahead of the impending Team Debrief. It wasn’t long before you heard tense footsteps stomping up the stairs. Distinctly multiple people, without the usual chatter, heading towards Toto’s office.

To your surprise, voices were hushed as they settled next door. You had banked on being able to overhear any shouting through the paper-thin walls but the atmosphere seemed calm and collected. You could hear snippets of George profusely apologising and Toto’s deep voice interjecting every so often but they faded in and out. Hearing footsteps and a door closing, you breathed a sigh of relief. You were in the clear. Just as you were about to text Rosie to reassure her everything was okay, there was a knock at your door.

“Y/N, Toto would like to speak with you.” It was Lara.

“Sure.” You gathered your notebook and laptop and made your way out and into his door. George was still sitting in the chair facing Toto’s desk but the engineers had gone.

“Good evening Y/N,” said Toto, calmly but with an air of tension.

“Hello Toto, hello George, how are you both? You sat down in the chair next to George, feeling very much like two naughty pupils being brought in to see the headmaster. 

“Well, we’ve been better,” Toto said, his nostrils flaring slightly.

“Okay,” George said quietly.

“What can I do for you?” you asked.

“Well, firstly George has something to say to you,” said Toto, in a very stern tone.

“Yes.” George looked down at his feet before looking you in the eye, “I wanted to say sorry for my actions on track. I made a silly mistake which may have cost us the championship. I promise you it won’t happen again, I let everybody down.”

“Oh gosh, I appreciate that George. It’s important to remember that this is a sport of ups and downs and everybody has their good and bad days. Mistakes make us human and I think as long as you own it in interviews people respect that.” You felt mildly uncomfortable that Toto was more or less forcing George to apologise to you and felt bad for the guy. He was only young and the pressure was immense. “It might be worth you repeating that at the Team Debrief in a minute, the team will want to hear it.”

“That is exactly what I suggested,” said Toto, “I also would like to apologise, sometimes my temper gets the better of me and I get too involved. I’m sorry it makes me look a fool and doesn’t make your job any easier.”

Smiling slightly you replied, “Honestly Toto, getting angry like that shows your passion and that you care. I honestly don’t think it reflects badly from a press point of view. It would be far more damaging if you sat there passively.”

“I’m glad you see it that way. The board not so much.” Toto returned your small smile. “George, if you’d like to go down and grab a coffee before the briefing I’d like to talk to Y/N.”

“Thank you Toto and thank you Y/N. I promise it won’t happen again.” George said, awkwardly trying to tuck his chair under the desk and making a mess of it, clearly nervous.

“Thank you, George.” Toto dismissed the young driver.

Once George had closed the door behind him, you continued “You didn’t need to ask him to do that, I appreciate it but these things happen and it’s part and parcel of the sport.” you said.

“I know, but I don’t want him to get too cocky and he should realise the impact of one small mistake. I have one thousand people working for me and one small mistake can cause a domino effect. He has to understand that. I don’t blame him but it’s important to own mistakes and find a solution to any issues before they take root.” Toto looked into your eyes, his brown eyes clearly fired up by what had happened.

“That’s true. But you didn’t need to apologise, your headphone-smashing antics have become legendary and on my end are not the worst thing in the world. I might need to send a few Paddock Passes to Bose as a token but honestly, I think most people find it endearing.”

Toto’s eyes flashed at your last statement, “People find it endearing? Do you?”

Slightly surprised by this line of questioning you decided to reply truthfully, “Yes, yes I do.”

“Interesting.” Toto gave you a wry smile. “Shall we head down to the Debrief? I think George will have finished his apology tour by now.”

As you both got up, you turned to face Toto, “Thank you, Toto.”

His brow furrowed, “What for?”

“Including me in this, it makes my life much easier to have this ongoing dialogue.” You reached out to gently pat him on the arm, “I’ll do my best to smooth everything over.”

Toto moved his hand to briefly rest on yours, “Thank you Y/N. I think we’re going to get along extremely well.”

Slightly blushing at the contact, you replied, “I hope so.”

“I know so,” he said, dropping his hand and making his way towards the door. “Let’s do this.”

Sunday AM 

Last night’s team briefing had been a lengthy affair with lots to dissect following Qualifying. Fortunately, George, Lewis and the Lead Engineers had led most of the discussion so you did not need to contribute a huge amount, largely just reminding the team to stick together in media appearances and to not show any frustration outwardly. You tried not to look towards Toto as you said that but it did elicit a laugh from the team and plenty of glances his way. He took it all in good humour and by the end of the evening, the mood was lifted considerably.

The team were optimistic for race day and you could feel the energy in the paddock. As you made your way up to your office you bumped into several of your team members who clearly shared this sentiment. Even more uplifting was a very happy-looking Toto making an espresso in the hospitality area.

“Good morning Y/N!” he said cheerily, “Can I get you a coffee?”

Bewildered by the fact that the CEO and Team Principal was offering to make you coffee, you politely declined his offer, “That’s a lovely offer but I’ve already had my espresso this morning and one more will have me bouncing off the walls.”

Toto laughed, “Maybe that’s what we need to do?”

“I thought you wanted to get rid of porpoising?” you retorted.

“Very funny. How are you today? Did you sleep well?” He was clearly still feeling guilty about his behaviour from yesterday, making a conscious effort to chat.

“I’m very well thank you, I slept like a baby. My bed is like a cloud.” It wasn’t a lie, although your room was not as plush as the one you had vacated in Miami, the bed was another story. “I struggled to get up this morning.”

“Ah yes, I have heard everyone has had the same problem, myself included. That's why I need this.” He raised the large cup of coffee he had poured himself, notably larger than his usual espresso. “I’m glad you are doing well.”

“Thank you. And how are you this morning?” you added.

“You know no one ever asks me that.” Toto looked lost in thought, almost as if he wasn’t aware he was speaking out loud. “I am very well thank you.”

“Really?” your eyes widened, “Well more fool them. Glad to hear you’re doing better today, I had better run as I have a call in three minutes.”

“Thank you Y/N, see you later.” Toto’s eyes crinkled at you as he smiled.

Sunday PM 

The morning had flown by with you fielding call after call from various media outlets, all asking for a line on George’s crash and Toto’s subsequent outburst yesterday. It had been an uneventful Saturday for all of the other teams so unfortunately, this was the story of the day. You only hoped that once the race got underway it would all blow over.

Three o’clock soon rolled around and you once again found yourself sitting in the first-floor communal area, one eye on the big screen showing the race and one eye on your laptop. Most of your direct team were down in the garage or the paddock so it was just you and Rosie, the Press Officer, watching intently as George steadily climbed places.

It wasn’t long before he was up to P10, into the points, putting in a truly spectacular drive. Lewis had also found his way towards the front of the pack and was running at P4, three seconds behind Sainz with seventeen laps to go.

“Do you think he’ll make the podium?” Rosie asked, turning away from her laptop for a moment.

“I hope so.” you could barely respond as you watched George execute yet another flawless overtake, taking himself to P9. “Although George is looking like he might get near too.”

“That would be mega,” said Rosie, her eyes lighting up. It was no secret around the garage that the young blonde held a candle for George and vice versa, their playful banter raising more than a few eyebrows. “Is it true that Toto made him apologise to you last night?”

“Who told you that?” you turned around, surprised.

“George.” she admitted, “He was really upset you know.”

“I’m not surprised, it was bad.” You added, “Although I’m not sure if it’s wise for him to be spreading details of private meetings.”

“Oh he’s only told me, don’t worry.” said Rosie, pausing before adding guiltily, “I suppose the time is right to tell you, we’ve been seeing each other for the last few months.”

This admission came as no surprise at all to you, “I can’t say I’m shocked, one of the first things Tom told me was that you and George were thick as thieves. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you but please be discreet about this, I wouldn’t want you being treated any differently or for it to cause any issues.”

Rosie looked down into her lap, clearly unsure of what to make of your words, “Of course Y/N, we talked about it for a long time before anything happened. We would never want to jeopardise our work.”

“I don’t doubt it,” you replied, smiling, thinking about how they both were very meticulous and considerate in their approach to work so it only made sense for them to approach their relationship the same way, “Just be careful Rosie.”

“Don’t worry I will be,” the young woman looked up at you, “I really like him Y/N, I think he might be the one.”

“Well I certainly hope so,” you said, hoping she would spare you any further details.

Fortunately, your wish came true as the exchange was cut short. Lewis had started to close in on Sainz, he was almost into the DRS zone and the two of you slipped into silence as you watched him edge closer and closer to a podium finish. It wasn’t long before he was 0.342 seconds out and took the opportunity to pass the Ferrari on the long straight. You could hear the cheers from downstairs as Lewis was well on his way back to the front of the grid. With six laps remaining, it was unlikely he would catch Leclerc who was running at P2, but P3 was another excellent result for the team.

Not one to be overshadowed by his teammate, George picked his way through the pack in the last remaining laps and made his way to a respectable P8. Although not as strong as your outing in Miami, it would be another double points finish for the team, a relief after so much disappointment. Monaco was up next and you couldn’t wait to see how the two drivers fared on the historic track. 

Before that, however, you needed to get through another round of the post-race media circus and your first trip to Brackley, the team’s UK headquarters. As you were travelling so frequently, you’d made the executive decision to rent an Airbnb for the dates when you were in the UK. You were excited to visit the factory and see where the magic happened, as the saying went, and couldn’t wait to get to work in an office that didn’t have wheels.

Snapping you out of your wandering mind, your phone started buzzing. You picked it up and looked at the caller ID. Lara (Toto’s EA) before answering.

“Y/N, will you please come down to the garage?” To your surprise, it wasn’t Lara but was in fact, Toto. He must just have borrowed her phone.

“Oh hello Toto, not a problem at all, I will be five minutes.” you held the phone to your ear with your shoulder as you quickly gathered your things and bid a silent wave of goodbye to Rosie.

“Good, see you soon.” Toto rang off before you had a chance to reply. This man was efficient if nothing else, incredibly Austrian.

You made your way into the garage, finding it surprisingly empty considering the race had ended only a quarter of an hour ago.

“Ah Y/N, thank you for coming down.” Toto was perched near a screen, chatting away to another one of the race engineers, Peter, or Bono, as he was affectionately known.

“Hi Toto, Hi Bono. How are you both? Congratulations on another solid performance.” you smiled as you approached the two men, looking eerily alike in their tight, white Mercedes shirts with rolled-up sleeves and black spectacles.

“Very well thank you, very well indeed, it wasn’t bad, was it?” answered Bono, looking over the moon with today’s results, “How are you doing? Not run away from this one yet?” he laughed, gesturing at Toto.

“Not yet,” you teased, “Although I came close this morning.”

“So I heard,” said Bono, chuckling to himself, “Netflix was probably creaming themselves over the fact you agreed. They always want to show the girls from the team.”

“Creaming themselves?” Toto asked an eyebrow raised, “What does this expression mean?”

Exchanging a look with Bono, the engineer saved you, “I’ll explain later when there’s not a lady present, please excuse my turn of phrase.”

“It’s okay, I’ve heard worse.” you offered a small smile as a blush crept across Toto’s face, the realisation of what it might mean setting in, “So what can I do for you?”

“There have been some developments from one of our key sponsors, UBS, and they’d like to take us to dinner next week in Monaco.” Toto said, “I’m sorry to spring this on you but their CEO is a friend of a friend so they approached me directly. Would you be able to come with me? They must meet you.”

Surprised by his direct approach, you replied, “That’s no problem at all, let me know the time and the place and I’ll put it in the diary.”

“Great, thank you Y/N, it may be a case of convincing them we will be back on top next year, are you up to it?” Toto looked at you, his eyes steely once again.

“Of course, it’s what you brought me in for, no?” you replied boldly, not wanting to show him any hint of weakness.

“Very true.” Toto smiled at you, turning his attention back to Bono, “Shall we head back for the team debrief? I need to keep this one short as I have a hard out tonight.”

“Sure,” Bono spun around on his chair, springing to his feet, “Let’s do this thing.”

[manonamora-if]

February Check-In

From here on out, we should be back on track - IRL be damned (crossing fingers with that). Unless someone throws another wrench...

Anyway, let's not think about the bummer stuff...

Here's to a hopefully "normal" month with stuff actually being checked off a list!

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

IF Events in the Next Month

Plan for the next month

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head over to itch.io!

January Progress

Welp... there wasn't much of a list in the January Check-in, since it was the retrospective, which included the yearly plan. Still, I did make a mini one on itch. Put together we'd get:

Still play more IF and maybe review. ✅

Finish the edits of Harcourt Ch5 ✅ and coding ❌

Fix one of the semi-completed games: ❌either the Egg parser or TRNT (and make it a proper parser)

Complete the Seed/Shuffle-Comp entry✅

Honestly, not bad... The first one, obviously is done and dusted. IFDB says I posted 60+ reviews in January - covering the Short Game Showcase, the ShuffleComp, and the Recipe Jam helped quite a bit. And that also meant... I'm 3rd in the Reviewer ranking! Only 100 more to second place...

MelS and I finally stopped playing ping-pong with the editing of Harcourt (later than we wanted...), and I'm currently sitting down to edit the whole maze. I had hoped to be done by the end of this month, but it wasn't feasible... It was close - I only have half a dozen passages to code, to check it works, and do the formatting. I used to laugh at his complaining of working all the rooms for this maze (because he chose to do that many), but now I'm the one suffering... Don't do mazes... Or don't do 30+-room mazes... (I'm not joking here) Also: If all goes well, March/April should be editing of Chapter 6, June/July coding of Chapter 6 (+ re-edits of previous chapters), August/September beta/edits, October? completed game.

As for the ShuffleComp, I made it realllll close to the deadline. But (not so) strangers in the night was completed just in time! Aaaannnddd, got 1st place in the Use of Songs category! Yay me :D Also submitted to the SeedComp! and the Zach Jam.

As for fixing the parsers.... whomp whomp, didn't manage that.

Buuuutt:

I made another parser! Not Another Sad Meal is a slice-of-life cooking sim of easy difficulty (and clickable elements for help!)

Also made a Zine! CTRL+SHIFT+ZUT+ALORS Lost content meets weird technology. I probably will never make this game, but you can use it as inspiration if you want!

And spent a few days working on a collaborative virtual card for a friend. While that will never be made public (for obvious reasons), You can find the basic interface [here].

Also won kuddos of best puzzle for An Eggcellent Preparation (even though it kinda broken)!

So yeah... not huge updates for projects, but some good progress and a few mini-new games. I'm not expecting people to check those out... But it would be neat if you did!

What’s happening in February?

There's always something happening in the IF world. I don't think I ever find all that happens anyway... but. Here's the ones I know!

The Queer Vampire Game Jam ends in about three weeks. Got a vampire/human story with a LGBT+ cast? Then this is the event for you! (unranked) Also they are doing a fundraising/matching donation with submissions!

Obviously @neointeractives got you covered for Valentine’s with the Smoochie Jam: it’s all about kisses, love and romance (unranked) - Be also on the look out for the next Neo-Interactives mini-jam which is happening mid-March.

The SeedComp! (Sprouting) ends at the end of February. Come transform someone’s idea or asset into a new IF game! See @seedcomp-if for more info ;) (ranked)

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2024 se termine dans un mois! Viendez faire des histoires en français!! <3 (ranked, duh)

The Spring Thing is waiting for your intent to participate until March 1st! After that, the submissions are due in April (also ranked)

Got a cool talk idea regarding Interactive Fiction, narration, or gameplay? Consider submitting a proposal for this year’s Narrascope! They are still looking for people!!!!

Note: @neointeractives will have jams all year long. One a month/or so. And the next Planting Round of @seedcomp-if will start as soon as the results are dropped.

The PLANtm for February

Shortest month, and one busy months in events (I'm at the head of two... what am I DOING WITH MY LIFE....)... So much to do, so little time. But also, ONE EXTRA DAY THIS MONTH! :D

What are we hoping to do this month?

Play more games! Because there are a bunch of jams happening and a backlog of games I'm trying to clear. Also I want to get to that second IFDB spot! (1st won't ever be attainable...)

Finish the Code Ch5 of Harcourt. This is attainable. This is doable. I will finish... because I am already 80% done. MelS is working on Chapter 6 for this month - hoping to have a rough draft for me to check too by the end of the month...

Finish fixing The Roads Not Taken. This is your month. I swear I am manifesting it hard. This is happening. I will finish you. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you....

Jam Entry number 685470w8698... probably. Maybe do a Queer Vampire/Smoochie Combo. Maybe even a French Comp game?

ALSO: I will probably do an another AMA mid-Feb.

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

New year, new list. A more feasible one, according to January-Me.

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent - this year should be it - for real)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm getting ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

[phantomskeep]

I just thought of something that happened to me during college and I completely forgot about it until just now. I have a crushing need to talk about, so into the voidspace of Tumblr it goes!

My like... third to last(??) semester of college I had to take this super-boring HR class. I was the only one in there not on a business degree track - I was just insane and thought it sounded cool (I also wanted to beat my personal record of taking over 20 hours in one semester.... ended up taking 26 my second-to-last so HA! TAKE THAT SCHOOL!). The first day of this class, I know probably one person in there. And this wasn't a small college, either. It only had about 10 degrees offered in total and a small enough population to comfortably fit everyone into 5 dorm buildings - all but one being only two stories tall with maybe 200 rooms each. So basically knowing no-one in that class? Was wild to me. I had never been in a single class that I didn't have at least one friend in since my freshman year.

So I tuck myself away at a table in a far corner and resign myself to either being social and making new friends, or suffering through a two hour lecture with no company. My anti-social ass decided on the latter.

But then... This dude walks in. As a Big Fan Of Many Things, I always typically try to read whatever is on people's shirts. It's the best way for me to clock "friend or foe". And this dude? Wayne Enterprises shirt. Okay, cool, another Batman fan. He sits at my claimed table with a shy little "hi" because my degree required me to wear this dumb Navy-regulated khaki uniform. Super intimidating on a five-foot-nothing transman, I'm sure. I say hello back, and just. Silently watch this dude. For the full two hours. Trying to figure him out.

Was he a Big Nerd like myself? He looked like one but I do my best to not judge. Was he one of those macho-dudes who liked comics just because of the shitty writing and solving issues with bodily pain? Was he just a fan from the games, or movies, or TV shows? All of my questions could have been answered if I asked.

But, no. That's too easy.

I spent the next five weeks trying to sus out what kind of fan he was. The dude's only fan shirt was the Wayne Enterprises one. The rest of them were plain Ts or button-downs. At one point I added a Jason Todd sticker to my laptop's collection - he didn't mention anything so, to me, that ticked the "maybe not a huge nerd" column. No further evidence had been gathered, though we had started chatting before and after lectures.

Then comes the fateful day. I'm out of uniform, walking to the only restaurant on campus (if it could even be called that. It was run by the same people who ran the cafeteria and was just as shitty). I'm in casual wear - sweats, sneakers, and a damning tank-top - because I had just finished being a gym rat. I'm almost to the shitty Chipotle's ripoff when I hear a familiar voice call my name. I turn around, "Gotham City Crime Alley Club" tank on full display. There he is - the dude from my HR class. This man looks so fucking excited, like someone just gave him a cute puppy and told him cancer's been cured. This man, this absolute menace I started calling a friend, looks me dead in the goddamn eyes and goes:

"Oh my god you like Batman we should totally bang."

And man, if that wasn't just the smoothest shit ever. If I hadn't been in a relationship at the time I absolutely would've, too. Ever since then my HR class was filled with the two of us talking shop about the various DC media. Didn't learn shit about why HR is, y'know, HR. But damn if I didn't learn some cool comic history from my little nerdy friend.

[nowheregeneration]

Some concert thoughts

So i saw Rise Against live last week and i've been (unsuccessfully) trying to write a post about it so here are some thoughts in no particular order:

I spent the whole evening standing at the barrier, inching closer to the center every time people moved around between sets, still ended up on the side, view was great though During give it all Tim came down to the barrier in the other side so i basically couldnt see at all (😭), BUT he came down again during savior and stopped right in front of me on my side, so i had a moment of me and Tim just smiling at each other from different sides of the barrier wich was amazing!!! Also i just realised then how small Tim is? Like i was standing in the metal things?? on the floor at the barrier and idk how even the ground was on the other side, but i stared right over the top of his head for the first moment because i was looking straight ahead ooops 😅

They did play a new song!!! And by that i mean they played the song, i spent the whole time trying to match the melody to something in my head to sing along and then Tim went "that was a new Song btw" So i cant tell you much about it because i dont remember a single word from it, but it did sound amazing!! New Album when

I loved how clearly you could hear the backing vocals!! The last time a saw them i couldnt hear them at all, but the acoustics in that place were a bit weird so maybe thats just me?

They played a lot of songs from the sufferer and the witness wich ist my fav rise against album so that was great, especially loved hearing worth dying for live for the first time. BUT i also love the newer stuff and it kinda sucks that it doesnt get played much (yeah i know everyone wants to hear the old hits especially at Festival shows), i REALLY loved nowhere generation for example and i would LOVE to hear those songs live

The concert was on August 10th, wich was the 20th anniversary of siren song of the counter culture wich was kinda cool. Im bad at remembering dates, so while i knew that the album turned 20 this year i had no idea it was on that day until Tim said it. I also had no idea that it was called siren song of THE counter culture and had been calling it just siren song of counter culture all these years so maybe im just a bit dumb ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

A bug landed on Tims shoulder, he picked it up and talked about how it really feels like summer when bugs land in you, and how they have the same bugs in chicago and it feels like theres a bit of home there Idk i just thought that was lovely? And how much did that bug have to pay for the best view in the whole place?

Tim forgot the second verse of ready to fall and just sang nonsense words to the melody, and i thought how thats actually really really impressive that he can just...do that. And that i wish i had the confidence to just sing anything when i forget the words. Like 30 or 40 minutes later i forgot the words to the 2nd verse of audience of one and just screamed nonsense words along to it so that didnt take me long 🤣

I hurt my shoulder. Again. Didnt even go in the pit. Rise Against is bad news for my shoulders. Still 1000% worth it

[kalopses-sonderes]

Sonders YanTober day 4

Not Coffee

Yandere! Espresso x Reader

Warning/ Tags: Drugging, kidnapping

You and Espresso met when you were both in school, you both were the best of friends. You parents forced you to move away because they didn’t want you practicing magic. They chose a private school in a far away kingdom. Espresso was heart broken when you left, you never told him you were leaving you just disappeared. He went to your house to see a ‘for sale’ sign in front. He asked your friends and family that are still in the kingdom, but they didn’t know either. Once he graduated, he went searching for you in near by kingdoms just to turn up empty handed.

He believed you would never forget him, that you’ll come back to him once your studies are done. He continued to practice dark coffee magic and get a job at your dream school, Parfaedia Institue, so once you come back he can the one to teach you everything you need to know.

You were an adult now. You still missed Espresso, you missed learning magic, and you definitely missed having the opportunity to go to your dream school. So, you decided to go back to see what changed.

Does Espresso still live in this kingdom? You thought as you were walking in to the kingdom you grew up in. Probably not, hes probably some magic genius in a well known kingdom.

You walked through the street, stopping and talking with old friends. Until, you spotted someone familiar. He had the same hairstyle and big glasses like Espresso, but could it really be him? He walks into building with a coffee bean in front. You decided to run after him. You open the builds doors and see brewing equipment.

“(Name)?” Espresso said with wide eyes.

“Espresso!” You run over and jump into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much!”

Espresso holds you tight, “Ive missed you much more.” You whispers into you ear.

You let go of him, “What have I missed?” You say with a toothy grin.

Espresso cheeks flush, he hasnt seen you in forever and you remember him? Its like a dream come true for him! “Not much, but do tell, what happened when you moved?”

You forgot you never told him about moving. “Well, I went to a school to prohibited magic.” You try to laugh it off.

Espressos face has a look of displeasure written over it.

“Dont be to upset! You stil learned dark coffee magic, right? Cant you teach me?” Espressos eyes lit up when you said that. You’re still avoiding to tell him that you cant stay in the kingdom for long, only a week.

As the week progressed, he taught you the basic magic spells. Since you still remember the things you learned from last being in the kingdom it all went smoothly.

The week was coming to an end, you leave tomorrow afternoon. You had to tell Espresso this time and not let me suffer with you leaving randomly again.

You and espresso where hanging out in his office, he had some paper work and you decided to tag along.

“Is everything alright? You’ve been on edge this entire time.” Espresso says, still looking at his paper work.

You take a deep breath and tell him your leaving tomorrow. Espresso stops writing and you both sit in awkward silence that lasted seconda but felt like hours.

“Well, before you leave. Could I take you out to get coffee? I made anew batch and I want to try it at least once.” Espresso looks at you and smiles.

“Well, why not!” You say, your racing heart starts to slow down.

That night, espresso spent it all working on a love spell. He loved you so much and couldn’t let you leave him again. Lattes body is in the basent for trying to flirt with you, no one can have you besides him!

Once he perfected the love potion, it was about time for you both to meet for breakfast and coffee. He started some normal coffee and the coffee with the love potion infused into it.

Knock

Knock

That was you, you both decided to meet at espressos house so you can have coffee fresh from the pot.

“Welcome (name).” Espresso greets you, he smelled of strong coffee.

“Hello Espresso! Im glad we decided on an early time, my mothers carriage will be here earlier than planned to get me.” You walk into his house, the coffee smell is even stronger than before.

I guess I must move faster than planned, he thought. “Well thats just fine, everythings already ready.” Espresso leads you to the dining room, the table already set.

You both sat and talked, he said the coffee will be just a little while longer. Once he brought it out, you couldnt help but take sip instantly. The flavor was oddly sweet and not bitter.

“W-wow! Um, may I ask whys it sweet?” You say, not trying to be rude.

“What do you mean dear?” Espresso says smiling.

The world began to spin and you saw stars. That was definitely not coffee. You began to cough, “What was in that?”

“My love, you think I would just give you up so easily? I finally have you after all this time, you owe me this.” He picks you up bridal style and carries you off as you fade out into unconsciousness.

Taglist:

[camgoloud]

i’m very curious about lyctoral reversal and der rosenkavalier!

excellent choices!

'lyctoral reversal' is the one 'title' on the list that isn't actually a title because i still haven't decided what to actually call the fic, so the folder containing all the documents is just a pun about the central concept. which is what it sounds like: lyctor role-reversal. specifically: the canaan house necro squad are the og lyctors (and, theoretically, in a second entry to the series which i haven't planned out at all beyond a few vibes, the og lyctors/cavaliers would end up at canaan for the trials as seen in gtn). it's basically just a week in the life of john and the four surviving lyctors, who've reunited on the mithraeum for the first time in a while. an excerpt:

Hangovers are not difficult to alleviate with necromancy. Judith can do it fairly well herself, and she only very rarely has any occasion to practice. The last time she can recall drinking to true excess was perhaps at some point in the weeks immediately following the death of the Saint of Courage, two millennia previous. But the Emperor has always been strange about things like this. He hardly ever applies necromancy to his own person where not absolutely necessary, and he never allows anyone else to do so on his behalf. The Saint of Reliability always thought his continual hesitancy to remedy any number of small pains that he need not suffer very strange: it was not as if the necromantic society he’d built from the ground up was overflowing with taboos regarding interference with the natural functions of the body, after all, Dulcinea argued; why his own reluctance to participate?  The Saint of Compliance viewed the issue from a different perspective: there was a purity and a nobility in pain, he said in reply, a comfort to be taken in it. It did not go over particularly well when he said this to Dulcinea within the hearing of Palamedes, of course, but Judith has always privately agreed with him on the matter nonetheless. She’s never been much for religion as a rule, but she understands—she thinks all the Saints, of all people, ought to understand—something about the appeal of seeking solace in penance. Eternity is such an absurdly long time to live with oneself and one’s own mistakes: even, she suspects, for the man who has become God.  It may technically be heresy to think this way, but, again—Judith has never been much for religion. She would die for her Emperor’s cause without hesitation; still, she’s seen him burn dinner too many times to embrace any doctrine that considers him incapable of error.  And even the Saint of Compliance was pushing fairly hard for the House that was his legacy to drop their literal interpretation of the infallibility verses by the end, anyway.

and 'der rosenkavalier' is the tlt music grad school au i've alluded to in tags a couple of times! basically what happened to me is that i ended up one night reading the plot summary of an opera on wikipedia (as one does) and said plot was basically about a love triangle featuring a cougar, a young count (en travesti role) obsessed with said cougar, and the new girl who catches his eye. and then i was like 'oh my god imagine if... dulcie/gideon/harrow...' and also there's a whole ROSE MOTIF and it literally has cavalier (german edition) in the TITLE and before i knew it i had cast the entire production. oops. anyway:

They argue as fluently and intensely as only people can who have spent as many months and years as they have rehearsing together, in classes together, constituting most of each other’s social circles together. Even when a load of nervous-looking freshmen undergraduates show up for some orientation event and they get kicked out of the auditorium they keep it up, all the way down the aisles and out into the blinding late-summer sun flooding through the floor-to-ceiling glass wall of the lobby. Gideon participates as much as any of the rest of them, slotting herself perfectly into the rhythm of the conversation, never missing an opportunity to knock Harrow down a peg or two, because that’s just how good at multitasking she is. Really, her mind is elsewhere: stuck back on the other thing Harrow said a few minutes ago. Three guesses who’ll be singing the Marschallin. There was a bitterness in Harrow’s voice that Gideon didn’t fail to notice—she’s just as jealous as Palamedes is of Silas Octakiseron, probably, knowing she hasn’t got a chance at the best soprano role in the show on account of how no one, ever, would buy her tiny little baby-faced frame as the smoking-hot cougar who snags an Octavian twenty-five years her junior. But for Gideon’s own part, there’s a thrill that runs up her spine every time she plays the words back in her head.  Because, of course, none of them actually need any guesses at all to know just who’ll be singing the Marschallin opposite Gideon’s Octavian. And—if Gideon is being entirely honest with herself—that’s one of the things about this upcoming production that excites her most of all. 

[casketscratch]

Trying so hard to remember today already.

- Woke up full-blown panic mode, shaking and breaking down crying, my entire left arm wouldn't stop shaking. Can't remember what the dreams were.

- Therapy was good. Went over how I broke down crying the moment we hung up last week, and generally the sense was that someone's trying to communicate or integrate a bit more. Something about our system isn't made for this to happen. It turns into levels, and layers of memories that will a common emotional thread but otherwise feel just scattershot or random. We've figured out that this alter trying is scared to, because they are "held in place" by...

- This terrifies me, but by an alter who was installed by our traffickers/my grandfather to keep the rest in line. I think this means the whole... I hesitate to say ramcoa. But it confirms the, ah, narrative? Hunch? That they did deliberately try to program alters. And there are "higher ups" in charge we can't speak to but who seem to exert a lot of psychic/mental pressure if others act out of line. Felt like I had a javelin in my skull by the end of session.

- Used to have debilitating migraines that felt exactly like that when I left for undergrad. Almost failed out because I "wasn't supposed to be there" - my dad had tried everything in his power to keep me from moving so far away.

- (I really hope he suffered for failing to do so.)

- We also talked about the "pass out and collapse" thing we keep doing. That one alter will try to merge traffic (if you will) and at the same time she holds so much pain and fear and trauma that she can only cope with feeling that much by basically freezing. Freezing so hard it's a shutdown. I'd honestly call it a kind of flight to an inner world more than that (not that it can't be elements of both).

I... Don't... Like this. I am struggling with the scope of abuse. I am struggling with being right when I wish I had been wrong. I am struggling with trying to even conceive of how to manage this. It's been weeks of not trusting my own reactions because I couldn't tell where they came from, and now, uh, well. Some very powerful gatekeeper (not unlike Orion!) who's aligned with our traffickers (very very very unlike Orion) and would rather kill us than let us succeed in anything?

Sort of like how this group preferred my aunt to remain totally unsupported and to die homeless a few years ago. That's what I was supposed to get. Except they could never poison me against my mom's side of the family enough, so... I didn't become their next "sacrificial lamb" or whatever. That's what it feels like those "higher ups" push for. Sabotage, doubt, sow a lot of internal chaos, keep superficial but upsetting things too of mind.

I was so exhausted I've just spent the last like 8 hours in bed watching Dropout to feel better.

I don't really know where to go from here.

Started guitar yesterday though. Immediately remembered SO much and a dumpster fire of memory snatches with it, and I think this might be both pretty fun and a good way to connect with those parts from back then.