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#it literally feels like half of me is just gone
trippinsorrows · 3 days
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with me + part thirteen
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authors note: this one is super long, ya'll! i don't necessarily like how long it is, but i couldn't cut it in half because there was no good cutoff point. so, i apologize to the readers with short attention spans! also, the very last part is not known to the characters, it's just context for what's happening....
this chapter takes place on February 2nd, 2024. yes, i'm aligning it with the real life dates of smackdown shows lol.
status: in progress // masterlist
warnings: fluff, language, smut, suggestive themes
song inspo: with me by destiny’s child
words: 10k
taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @wanderingreigns
You’d forgotten how uncomfortable flights are and how much they irk you.
It's mostly the not being in control that bothers you. You can admit as much. On the jet wasn’t as difficult because you had Joe, and while Alexis is a nice companion, she’s not your man. No one can make you feel as safe and calm as he does.
However, there's some peace in seeing how well Callie is doing on her first flight. Your undercover social butterfly of a child has made friends with the flight crew who have taken her under their wing, allowing her to be a pretend flight attendant for the short flight. 
So her spending time with the flight crew allows you and Alexis time to talk, cause why not distract yourself with a heavy ass conversation while 30,000 feet up in the air? 
Alexis takes a sip of her wine, included with the first class tickets she purchased for the three of you. “Just let me know when you get back to the hotel tonight. I’ll watch Cal Gal for ya’ll.”
Confused, you ask, “why would we need you to watch her?”
She answers so casually, “so y'll can fuck. Duh.”
You sigh…..of course. “Alexis, this trip is not for that. We’re here so Callie can spend time with her daddy.” And that’s the truth. You’re most excited to see Callie’s happiness at being reunited with her dad.
“He’s your daddy too,” she wiggles her brows, and you look away. This heifer is way too much sometimes. “All I’m saying is it’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
Too long. “I’m not saying I don’t want to. It’s just not a priority, and I’m still not on birth control.” It hasn’t been very high on your to-do list, especially with him being gone as long as he has. But also….there’s a small part of you that doesn’t want to get on it, and it’s not because of any health concerns. 
“Tell him to pull out,” she suggests with a shrug, but your face must give it away. “Oh my god, he doesn’t want to, does he?”
Having this conversation on a plane, or at all, probably isn’t the best idea, but it’s something you’ve been thinking about since the night of your date. Even more as you grew closer to being reunited with him. “When we had sex that night, he asked me if I was on birth control.”
“Like, after?”
“No, like as he was literally blowing my back out.”
“Damn,” she mutters. If you know Alexis like you think you do, the ‘damn’ is also because she’s mentally conjuring that image. Freaky ass. Shaking her head, she then asks, “and you told him no, right?”
“Of course, but you know what he said in response?” Blowing out a deep breath, your head falls back against the headrest. “He said good, Alexis.”
Her mouth drops open, and you move to slap your palm over her lips. “Remember, we are on a plane, and my daughter is somewhere in the vicinity.”
This seems to help. A little. Removing your hand, she harshly whispers, “he’s trying to get you pregnant again!”
“I don’t think it’s that,” you answer honestly. “I think—I think it’s more if it happens, he wouldn’t be opposed.” And you believe that. You know Joe. He’s many things, and assertive is near the top of that list. He would straight up tell you if he wanted to get you pregnant…..you think.
She studies you, always so damn perceptive and knowing. “You feel the same way too, don’t you?”
“I don’t—” You can’t finish your sentence, because she’s not entirely wrong. It makes no logical sense for you to even be having this conversation, let alone thinking about this. Having a baby right now is one of the dumbest things you could do. You’re having a hard enough time as it is just finding gaps for Joe to spend time with the child you already have.
But. 
There’s also this side of you that sees where this is headed. You know that your future is with this man. There’s no outcome you can figure where you two don’t end up together, and Alexis wasn’t wrong before she’d asked/reminded you that you want more kids. You want more kids with him. Want to give Callie a sibling. 
Just….not right now.
You can’t even find it in you to tell this man you love him, but you want him to give you another baby? It doesn’t add up. 
There’s a part of you that wonders if it comes from a place of fear. 
For so long, you dreamed and wished for this to happen, for you to be with Joe, to have a future with him. It kept you up at night the fact that it would never be a possibility, but still, you dreamed. And now that all of it is happening, you wonder if there’s fear it could all go away so you’re trying to make the best of it.
Even though, deep down, you know there’s no reality where Joe could be away from Callie. You? Yes, maybe. Though slim to none. But while he loves you, Callie is his soul. He’d burn the whole world down if that’s what it took to be with her. 
And that means he’ll always, to some extent, be in your life.
“Maybe.” Is the much shorter versioned answer you settle for. “So, for now, no sex until I figure this out.” Even saying it aloud, you’re not sure you entirely believe it. It’s a nice plan, but plans often change.
Especially when they involve Joe.
Alexis groans. “I love you, babes, but sometimes you’re so damn exhausting. There’s literally nothing to figure out. That man would marry you tomorrow if he could. You just gotta let go of the past, enjoy the present, and work towards the future.” She then adds, “then again, you said the same thing last time about no sex, and that man still fucked you six different ways from Sunday, so who knows.”
As much as you want to protest, you can’t. Your resolve when it comes to Joe, in almost all areas, is embarrassingly weak. 
________
Being backstage is such a blast from the past, so reminiscent of so many years back when you and Mariah were just stoked at the possibility of meeting Cena, unaware of how that one night would change the trajectory of your entire life.
There’s a small part of you saddened at how things have changed so much with Mariah, but that’s an issue for another day. Your focus is on the here and now.
Similarly, Callie seems just as intrigued, but for different reasons. She keeps her hand in yours but her eyes scan around, growing hopeful with each turn of the corner that she’ll be met with the one thing she’s looking for. Or, rather, who she’s looking for.
Alexis somehow arranged a private tour backstage, thus “ditching” you as soon as ya’ll arrived to the arena. However, you also know she believes this is a “personal thing" and doesn’t want to “invade.” You tried to tell her that she was more than welcome, but she wasn’t hearing it. You’re so grateful for all of her support. It means so much to you. 
One of the security guards flanking you and Callie tries to make small conversation, and you’re partially grateful but mostly annoyed. Your anxiety is already on the higher end than you’d like it to be, especially when all you wanted was to remain calm and collected for Callie’s sake. But having someone blabber about something you have no interest in doesn’t do much to help that.
Too bad it’s not a distraction, though, because you’re starting to second guess your decision. It’s a bold move not only coming to Joe's “job,” but bringing Callie too. Not that he’d ever complain or be upset at getting to see her, but not making him aware ahead of time is suddenly seeming like not the best idea. No matter what Jon says.
You know you ultimately had to keep him in the dark, because he’d ask questions as to why, not from suspicion but just natural curiosity. And you don’t want to lie to him. You need to talk to him about Callie, but you want to do so in person. That’s not a phone or even Facetime kind of conversation. 
What if he isn’t ready for you to go “public”? To make Callie’s existence “public”? Sure, you have zero expectation of him letting ya’ll leave backstage, thus making it easy to hide out from cameras, but still, this is his workplace. He deserves some privacy. 
So deep in your head and thoughts, you miss when you turn the final, lucky corner, only to realize when Callie gasps loudly, “daddy!”
She rips her hand from yours, and you briefly panic when she starts running away only to see who she’s running to. 
Joe’s standing there among who you’d guess are WWE execs, clearly in the midst of conversation, when his head snaps in your direction. His eyes immediately land on Callie. He’s briefly confused, but a big smile replaces that confusion as he reaches down to catch Callie. She throws her little body against his, and you watch him stand up with her still in his arms, kissing her cheek and hugging her closely.
You walk over to them, offering a small, apologetic smile to the people now watching with slight puzzlement.
“Callie Bear,” he murmurs, mouth pressed to the top of her head. Your anxiety is already lessening. There’s not an ounce of anger or irritation painted in his handsome features, only an immense amount of appreciation and satisfaction at seeing his little girl. 
“Surprise!” She shouts, smiling broadly. “Mommy said we could come see you since you can’t come see us!”
“And I’m glad you did,” he murmurs. “I missed you, baby girl.” She lays her head against his chest, obviously having missed him just as much. His eyes then land on you as you finally reach the duo. Your smile is small, even as he reaches and pulls you against his free side, stealing a quick kiss. “I missed you too, mama.”
His words do something so warm and fuzzy to your insides. “We figured if you couldn’t make it to us, we’d come to you.” Relief is so heavy over you. You’re pretty sure you’ve just given Joe one of the best surprises he could ever receive. You look over at the people still awkwardly standing by and then to him. “I’m sorry, did she interr—”
“No.” He seems almost insulted that you would even ask such a thing. He directs to them, “later.”
Without protest, they disperse, walking away. It’s so interesting seeing how much he’s grown since you first met him. Back then he was young, still trying to prove himself. Now he’s the literal face of the company. It starts and ends with him. 
“I was on a plane!” Callie informs with that award winning smile. “I’ve never been on a plane before!”
“You haven’t?” It’s difficult to tell if he’s feigning surprise for the sake of engaging her on her level or genuinely can’t believe she’s never flown before. “Were you scared?”
She shakes her head. “It was lotsa fun!”
Joe chuckles and kisses her cheek. “That’s my brave girl.”
She giggles as he tickles her stomach. “I saw clouds! Ooh and birdies! And the nice flight lady gave me cookies cause she said I was a good girl!” As Callie starts to ramble and catch Joe up on a second by second play of the plane ride, he gives you a pat on the hip and directs you to walk with him. His arm around your waist, the other holding up Callie, you can’t deny how natural this feels, the three of you.
Joe takes you to his locker room which is as nice as you would expect it to be for the guy in WWE. You take your seat in the single chair, allowing Callie and Joe to take the sofa even though she’s barely next to him for five minutes before climbing into his lap and pulling out her tablet to show him what she’s made in some of her apps.
You pull your phone out and see that you have a few unread texts, the one from Alexis making you laugh aloud.
Alexis: Would you still love me if I fucked Logan Paul?
Shaking your head, you type out a response. 
You: yes. just a little less.
Alexis: It’s just an appetizer. I plan to leave with the number of someone from that damn Bloodline tonight. Tell BDJ to hook me up.
You: would you please stop calling him that? 😭
Alexis: I’ll stop when it stops being true 🤷🏽‍♀️
You: you’re a menace.
Alexis: Stop texting me and focus on your man.
You: he’s in callie world right now, which is exactly where he should be. i keep telling you this trip was for her. 
Alexis: It can be for you too if you stop being stupid and start by telling him, I don’t know, THAT YOU LOVE HIM. 
You: goodbye, alexis 🙄
Alexis: I’m about to fuck this white boy anyway, but you know I’m right!!!
Alexis: I hope he doesn’t have fleas.
It takes everything in you not to scream. This girl is really crazy. Switching threads, you text your mom.
You: we made it here. she’s so happy. 🥺 he is too. i’m glad i took her.
Opening up the camera app, you sneak and snap a photo of the two of them. Reviewing it makes your heart swell. Callie is clearly deep in explanation while Joe holds her, partially following her discussion but mostly just enraptured in having her with him. 
You send the photo to your mom who responds almost immediately. 
Mom: Awww. I’m glad you did too. Enjoy yourself, baby. Take lots of pictures. ♥️
“Oooh!” Callie’s semi-loud exclamation pulls you away from the text thread. “Look what mommy got me!” Callie hops off Joe’s lap and spins around, moving her hair to the side to show off the back of her hoodie.
Naturally, you move your eyes to Joe, watching closely and carefully as he travels through a variety of emotions: shock, happiness, love. He’s clearly moved. A warm smile sets on your face. “I love it, baby.” He finally speaks, the emotion undeniable in his voice. Joe’s gaze sets on you, and you don’t need him to say anything to know what he’s thinking.
Mouthing ‘you’re welcome’, you settle back into the sofa, watching as Callie returns to her spot in his lap to finish catching him up on all the things he’s missed in his long absence.  
You occupy yourself on your phone, catching up on some work emails and parent messages because it doesn’t seem to matter how many different ways you make them aware of an absence, they’re still going to message you like you didn’t let them know you’d be out of office for the next few days.
Sometimes you can’t tell much of a difference between your students and their parents. They’re both equally out of touch.
At some point, Callie moves to the middle of the floor to empty out her backpack that you still don’t know just how she managed to pack as much as she did in. She seemed hellbent on bringing all of these items, mostly artsy things, to share with Joe. And you didn’t want to stop her, so you let it be. 
However, you end up catching Joe’s eye, and he motions you to come over to him. But, being the brat you are, you take your time doing so. And of course, because everything about this man is large, it’s nothing for him to reach his long arms out to tug you in front of him. His hands are on your hips, and you can tell he’s trying to keep the placement appropriate for the sake of Callie. 
“You’re quiet,” he observes, discerning you.
Shugging, you answer honestly, “I want you to have your time with Callie. She’s really missed you.” One thing you’re most definitely not looking forward to is the discussion regarding the real reason for this surprise trip. You already know it’s going to make Joe feel awful, and that’s not the goal. You just don’t want to keep anything else from him as it pertains to Callie. He doesn’t deserve that.
“And what about you?” He asks, suddenly, “Did you miss me?”
Chuckling, you brush your fingers against his soft hair, pulled back in his go-to bun. “I always miss you, Joe.” The delivery is much more gentle than intended, albeit entirely true. Pre-Callie and Post-Callie, maybe even moreso now, Joe’s extended absences affected you in various ways. Being around him right now is making you more aware of just how much, even as your brain jumps to how nice it’ll be to not sleep alone tonight. That was something you always loved about Joe when he came to visit years back, how he would always bring you against his hard body, strong arms securing you. You always slept the best when he was in town. 
Of course, this is way too vulnerable of a conversation to have with your daughter present, so you change subjects. “But, I also wanted to see Cody Rhodes, cause you know I’m team finish the story,” you tease, giggling at his instant scowl. It’s a lie, and you know he knows it’s a lie. Cody is cool, but you’re Team Roman (Joe) all day every day. Still, it’s in your nature to stir up trouble and pick with him. 
“Dick rider,” he mutters loud enough for you to hear but low enough for Callie not to. 
Smirking, you lean down to whisper in his ear. “Naw, baby, that’s for you and you only.” 
Trying to move away is a fruitless effort because he yanks you onto his lap, your thighs over his legs as he murmurs against your earlobe. “Don’t play with me like that.”
“Mommy, I wanna sit there.” Callie’s jealous voice suddenly enters the conversation, and you have to stop yourself from laughing at her pout. She’s so possessive. “He’s my daddy, not yours.”
You gasp quietly when he squeezes your ass, forcing you to climb off him. “You’re very right, Callie Bear.” Moving back to your chair, you taunt, “he’s not my daddy.”
It’s hilarious watching Joe control himself for the sake of Callie, but his expression tells you everything you need to know. If not for her presence, he’d have you bent over, taking every inch of his thick dick as he reminds you just who you belong to.
The image shouldn’t excite you as much as it does.
Sure enough, Callie climbs her little self back onto the sofa and back onto Joe’s lap, but the sound of an almost rhythmic knock at his door draws the attention of all three of you. However, before Joe can respond, the door is swung open, and based upon the lack of consent, you expect to see Alexis. Instead, you’re met with a different set of folks. 
“Come in,” Joe says sarcastically, and you glare, standing up to greet them. 
“Whassup, Y/N? Long time, no see, girl.” Jon’s introduction is so typical and expected, but it still makes you laugh. He’s always been a hoot to be around. 
“Good to see you, Jon.” He hugs you, and you turn to Josh who’s also wearing a friendly grin.
“Lil hurt you ain’t hit me up to help you with the surprise.” He sucks his teeth but still hugs you, as you shake your head.
“I thought you’d be on Raw,” you answer. It’s the truth, even if who exactly helped you make this happen didn’t matter as much as ensuring it did in fact happen.
“That why you been acting weird?” Joe’s voice enters the conversation. “You knew?”
“We both knew,” Joshua answers as you give Jon a look. 
He asks, “what?”
Sucking your teeth, you cross your arms, “I told you not to tell nobody!”
“I didn’t! It’s just Josh.” He shrugs, and you can only shake your head. There’s a reason these two are so popular in the WWE. A lot of their promos could be ripped from real life interactions. 
“Y/N!” Trinity's gorgeous smile is the first thing you notice followed by her surprise introduction, even before her colorful gear that you’ve always been so amazed by as she rushes over to you. She stretches her arm, “it’s so good to see you again!” Smiling, you accept her hug, tight and genuine. In the few interactions you’d had with her, she was also so kind and friendly. It’s nice to see that hasn’t changed.
“It’s good to see you too, Trin.” You mean it. She's just a genuinely chill person.
Looking over to Callie, you see she’s still sitting on Joe’s lap, holding onto his hoodie, obviously trying to read the room full of strangers. Jon must notice this too as he looks her way as well, giving her that warm smile.
“And this….” He starts walking toward her, crouching down in front of the sofa. “---this must be the famous Ms. Callie.”
A small chuckle leaves your mouth watching her suddenly “hide” her face in Joe’s side, as one eye is still peaked open. 
You whisper over to the group, “don’t let her fool you. She’s shy at first, but then she won’t be quiet.” It’s a conversation so similar to Callie’s first meeting with Joe which feels so long ago now. 
Joe’s also clearly a bit amused at her sudden shyness and goes to introduce them. “Callie, these are my cousins, Jon and Josh.” She looks up with a quizzical expression and motions with her hand for him to lean down. He does so, and she whispers something in his ear. His smile grows as he answers, “they are.” Looking still a bit skeptical, she waves her hand again. Take two. He dips his head, and she whispers something else. Again, he answers, “yup.” At this, she gasps and jumps off the sofa, running over to you. 
Callie hugs your legs and “whispers” to you with all of the excitement, “mommy, they’re my cousins too! I have cousins!” 
It takes a lot out of you not to get emotional in this moment. She’s so damn happy at this news, at finding out she has more family. You lean down and push back some of her loose curls. “You surely do, baby.”
Finally pleased with the confirmation, she turns around and beams at the twins and Trinity, “hi! I’m Callie!”
There’s a chorus of laughter as Trinity speaks this time, “it’s very nice to meet you, Callie.”
“You’re pretty,” Callie compliments, and Trin places a hand over her chest, clearly touched by her kindness. 
“Oh my gosh, you’re so sweet,” she awes as Josh joins in, introducing himself as Callie stares at him for a second.
“You’re a twin,” she says it like this is the first time he’s ever heard as such or even realized as such. 
Josh does a good job going along with it, nodding and smiling. “I sure am.”
Callie suddenly turns to you. “Mommy, how come I don’t have a twin?”
“Because Jesus loved mommy enough not to do that to me.” Childbirth is equally horrific as it is beautiful, and while you’re forever grateful for your sweet child, you’ll never forget that pain. Pushing her out was torture. You can’t even begin to imagine having to do it twice, back to back. 
Twins….never.
Josh suddenly chimes before Callie can present a follow-up question. “I have a little girl who’s a couple years older than you, and I can’t wait for ya’ll to meet.”
She gasps loudly. “I have more cousins?”
Jon sucks his teeth and answers, “Girl, you got so many cousins, you might meet em’ all before you turn 18.”
Her jaw drops. “I'll be really old then!”
Shaking your head, you start to counter her when Joe speaks up, calling her name.
“You have another cousin here tonight, baby girl.” There’s a second of confusion, but you realize he must be talking about Solo Sikoa. You hadn’t met him, as he came onto the scene after you and Joe separated. But as you told Joe, he’s free to introduce you to any and all family. You want this for your little girl. It’s obvious just from her reaction to the twins and Trin, she wants it as well. “Do you wanna meet him?”
It’s a no brainer, Callie nodding furiously as she runs to jump back on the sofa, sitting next to Joe.
He laughs at her enthusiasm and then calls out, “come in.” It’s loud enough for whoever is on the other side of the door to do so, and while you expect to see the final member of the bloodline enter the space, you’re thoroughly and shockingly surprised to see that you are very wrong.
Because through the door aren't the footsteps and subsequent entrance of Solo Sikoa.
It’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. 
While you’re in a semi state of shock, Callie is in a pure state of unadulterated delirium, and it’s entirely expected given she knows this man as something else. 
Someone else.
“Maui!” 
The entire room erupts in laughter as Callie rushes to stand in front of Dwayne who gets down on one knee to be more eye to eye with her.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Callie.”
Joe also moves closer and bends down, hand on Callie’s back. “Calista, this is my cousin, Dwayne, so that means he’s yo—”
“Maui is my cousin!” 
This little girl is damn near screaming, but it’s so hard to tell her to quiet down when you’re pretty sure this may be the single most happiest moment of her life.
Next to finding out Joe is her dad, of course.
Once your own shock wears off, you pull your phone out to snap a few photos, almost wishing you knew ahead of time The freaking Rock was going to be present tonight. You also would have tried to make yourself look a little more presentable, especially when Joe introduces you to his cousin as well. 
And of course because you’re the one who starts taking pictures, it’s only a matter of time before you’re dragged into a few of your own. It’s an easy pass, as you feel entirely underdressed with your all black one piece, long cardigan, and boots, having dressed comfortably for traveling. Not photo-ops. 
But, it’s when Callie pouts and says so sweetly, all the innocence in the world, “but we’re a family” that it actually hits you for the first time. 
You, Joe, Callie….you don’t just feel like a family. You are one. 
So you push aside your vanity and swallow back the tears to partake in a slate of photos involving everyone to just you, Callie, and Joe to even just a couple of you and Joe. Your favorites are most definitely the ones with the three of you, especially one where Joe sits you down on his left leg and Callie on his right. He squeezes your side, forcing a squeal and laugh that makes Callie laugh as well, creating such an organic, beautiful moment between the three of you.
A family.
—-----------
The night keeps on bringing more and more surprises, the latest one being the fact that instead of hiding out backstage, you, Alexis, and Callie are seated ringside in the VIP section with other family members and close friends of the wrestlers. 
It’s…..definitely not what you expected. You’re not opposed, especially since Callie was thrilled to learn she’d be much closer to Joe out here than she would from the back, but it’s just not what you were expecting.
It’s so…..public.
“How long does it take someone to walk out like da—”
“Alexis!” You scold her, even if you slightly agree. It’s not that you’re not enjoying yourself. You are. You just would much rather see your man, and you know Callie feels the same way. Every so often she’ll lift her head from her tablet, hoping to see Joe only to be disappointed.
You tried to tell her that as soon as she hears his music, he’ll come out, but that was nearly 45 minutes ago. A part of you wishes you could have found somewhere backstage to hide out as Joe and the others eventually had to leave to cut a promo.
So while Alexis' delivery is slightly off, she has somewhat of a valid point.
Rolling her eyes, she looks your way, asking. “Can you text him and tell him to hurry up?” 
Shaking your head, you answer with just as much sass and sarcasm. “Yes, I’ll get right on—”
And that’s when you hear it. 
“Oh shit,” Alexis pulls out her phone, instantly starting to record because this whole trip apparently needs to be memorialized with photo and video. Not that you’re entirely or in any way opposed. This is Callie’s first time at one of her dad’s shows. It’s special and should be documented in one way or another. 
Looking to your side, you see her tablet is on the empty seat next to her, and she’s reaching for you to pick her up so she can see better. 
Quickly obliging, you hike her on your hip and laugh at her excited expression. Her eyes are scanning all over for him, so you direct her to where he should be walking out any minute. 
“I wonder whose music that is,” Alexis teases, and you turn with Callie to face the phone that’s capturing this moment. 
Callie answers proudly. “My daddy’s!”
You and Lex laugh at her excitement that grows exponentially when Joe finally walks out, flanked by his cousins and Paul. 
“There he is!” She points, and you smile, kissing her cheek. This is all so worth it, the pure joy and glee on her face. You follow her line of vision, focusing on the Tribal Chief himself.
Damn. 
Joe is one fine ass man. That’s it. That’s the tweet. But when he’s in his Roman role? That confidence, that swagger……everything sexy about him is amped up times ten. You may have to rethink your stance on no sex for this trip.
It feels almost criminal to be around this man and not ride him until you can’t no more.
The naughty thoughts are temporarily pushed away when you notice Callie is nodding her head to Joe’s entrance music. Laughing, you and Alexis join in. Lex is still recording, and you’re actually happy she is because she gets it on camera when Callie throws up the one to ‘acknowledge' him. Your heart swells. There’s something about that moment that’s so precious to you, to see how connected she feels with him. How closely they’ve bonded. How much she loves him. And even more, how much he loves her.
As they near the ring, you notice how Joe branches off from them, and you assume it’s because of whatever this promo entails. But, you quickly realize it’s because he’s headed toward you. There’s this brief sense of panic on your end, meanwhile Callie gasps in excitement and reaches for him. Joe hugs her and kisses her temple. Touched at the gesture, you look at her only for Joe to take you by equal surprise when he grabs your chin and kisses you as well. 
What…..the…..hell?
You’re not upset, just genuinely surprised that he would be so openly affectionate with you, maybe not Callie as much, but definitely you. So….public. You’re certain that your face is painted in shock the whole time, but it’s when he heads into the ring that you and Alexis share a look, Callie too focused on her daddy to notice anything else.
“Girl, if you don’t tell that man you love him, I’m gonna tell him for you.” She could be joking. She could be serious. You never really know with Alexis. “Because he literally just acknowledged you in front of all these people.”
There’s still a part of you that’s having difficulty processing what just happened. You were worried that Joe would feel some type of way about you and Callie coming to his job, just staying backstage, but this man really has you both ringside and broke character just to show you and Callie affection. 
If there was ever any doubt in your mind regarding his feelings for you, tonight has completely demolished it.
Alexis is right.
You need to tell him. 
And you need to tell him tonight.
________
As much excitement as the day has brought, you knew it was only a matter of time before it caught up to your still very young child. Joe’s segment with The Rock ended up being the closing promo, which worked out great because Callie started to doze off a bit right around that time. And when you’re finally able to reunite with Joe backstage, she’s all but sleeping in your arms. 
In having to buckle and unbuckle her in her car seat for the travel to the hotel, she stirs a bit, but as soon as you arrive and Joe removes her from the car seat, the end of the travels, you know she’s out for the night. 
He carries her into the hotel room and walks her into the main bedroom while you place the bag you have for both her and yourself near the “living room” area. Joe insisted he could handle both the luggage and Callie, but you insisted that he instead focus on your little girl.
You also take a moment to take in that this is an actual hotel room instead of an apartment. There are literally two bedrooms separated by doors and all and two bathrooms, both of which rival the size of Callie’s bedroom. 
It’s definitely not your local motel from back home.
Joe walks back in, no Callie in sight. “She is knocked out.”
“I knew she would tap out eventually. She’s been up all day, refused to nap.” He walks over to you, hands on your hips as he tugs you close. Your hands move to his chest. “She was too excited to see you.”
“Thank you, by the way,” he murmurs. “For bringing her.” 
You chew on your bottom lip. “I almost didn’t. I—I didn’t know if you’d be upset I didn’t ask you first.”
His furrowed brows tell you that couldn’t be farther from the truth. “Why would I be upset?”
You shrug, suddenly unsure of yourself, which is such a foreign feeling. Confident is always a word you’d use to describe yourself, but in this moment, having this discussion, it’s not as applicable. “I guess….I guess I wasn’t too sure if you’d want people knowing about me.” Your voice softens. “About Callie.” 
And it’s true. It’s one thing for Joe to be out in public with Callie back home, but it’s an entirely different thing to be out in public in his world.
Granted, his public display of affection tonight should have squashed that concern. 
Just your implication alone seems to be a dagger to his chest. Joe brings his hands to your face and speaks with such confidence and conviction. “I’m not ashamed of you. I’m not ashamed of us, and I’m damn sure not ashamed of my daughter. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Do I want to do an exclusive interview about us? Hell no. But, that’s because my personal life is nobody’s business but my own. I’m not hiding your or our daughter from anyone in my personal life, not my friends, not my family, and not the WWE.” 
For a second, you feel bad for making him have to defend himself so staunchly, have to explain himself. It’s not necessary. 
Not after he so openly acknowledged you and Callie tonight. 
“I believe you,” you respond quietly. You move your hands up and down his chest in an effort to settle him. “I know you’re not ashamed. I’m sorry.” Remembering the video from earlier, you pull your phone out of your pocket and unlock it. Locating it takes a matter of seconds. “I figured you’d like this.” You hit play and angle the phone so he can see, a massive smile growing on his handsome face. It’s like you can feel the tension melt away when he lays eyes on Callie. 
Similar to yourself, he seems especially moved by Callie’s “acknowledgment.” You lay your head against his chest, whispering, “she really does love you, ya know.”
Just like her mama.
Video finished, you bite on your bottom lip, an idea crossing your mind. Such weak resolve indeed. “You know, she sleeps heavy…..very heavy.” His eyes narrow, intrigued by where you’re giving. Smirking to yourself, you head toward the bathroom. “I think I’m gonna go take a bath in that nice big tub that could totally fit two people.”
In what seems like inhuman speed, Joe is in front of you, hand coming down on your ass. Hard. “Joe!”
“Get your ass naked. Now.” ________
His head is in the crook of your neck, lips pressing gentle kisses against the wet skin of your shoulder. You chew on your bottom lip, hands on top of his that rest under the water on your stomach. 
“I always miss you too,” he murmurs against you, a nod to the brief conversation from earlier. Eyes closing, you rest your head back against his shoulder. 
This moment is perfect, and you hate to ruin that, to take away from it. But, you also promised yourself that you would be honest with him, especially when it comes to Callie. 
Turning around in the water, you straddle him, legs on either side of his large body. Before he can take your change in position to mean something else, you bring your hands to his face. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
You’re certain he can tell by your tone that whatever it is is serious. “Tell me.”
Fuck. This is harder than you thought it would be. “I wanted to see you, yes, but Callie….Callie needed to come see you.” You can tell he has questions, so you move straight into it, not wanting to delay the inevitable. “She’s been…she’s been different.” He sits up, fully immersed in the conversation. “Not bad, just….she’s been irritable with me at times. Even her teacher said something. You don’t see it, because she’s fine when she talks to you, even after. But when she can’t talk to you….” You shake your head. “I talked to my mom about it, because I was thinking she’s finally feeling whatever I caused when I ran off that night, but….that’s not it.” 
You made the executive decision to not tell him, however, about her drawing or how she cried into your chest because she missed him so much and couldn't understand why he hadn’t come back to see her. This already must be hard for him to hear. There’s no need to throw salt on the wound. 
You know the full truth would crush him.
“So then I talked to her.” You lower your hands to his broad shoulders, massaging them soothingly, voice softening as you finally tell him, “---and she told me she’s been sad because she misses you.”
You see it. The moment his heart drops. He’s crushed, eyes averting downward. His guilt is almost palpable. 
“Please don’t do that.” Voice gentle, you bring your hands back to his face, urging him to meet your loving gaze. “You have done such an amazing job stepping into the father role, and it shows in how much she loves you. You go above and beyond for her. She just can’t grasp what it is you do because she’s too young to do so, but I talked with my principal, and I’ve got the time to take off, so I’m gonna take it. I’ll bring her to you.”
“Y/N….”
“It’s not an issue. Especially since summer will be here before we know it. I’m off then too, so we can make that work. We will make this work, because she’s our daughter, and that’s what parents do.” Your words are partially penetrating, that much is obvious, so you continue. “I really didn’t want to say anything, because I knew you would feel bad, and you absolutely shouldn’t, but I also don’t want to keep anything from you, especially when it’s about Callie. You’re her father. You have a right to know.”
“It’s why you didn’t tell me you were bringing her, because you knew I’d ask,” he puts two and two together. You’re not surprised. Joe’s always been annoyingly perspicacious and insightful. “Thank you…for telling me.”
Kissing his forehead, you remind him, “Calista loves you, Joe. Whether you’re in town or not. You could be doing a show on fucking Mars, and it wouldn’t change a damn thing. She loves you.” You lick your lips, voice unintentionally light and soft. “And so do I.” It’s not a planned admission, not anything scheduled, just an honest, organic confession.
His gaze is on you, no longer as despondent but replaced with something more akin to surprise. 
“I’ve always loved you.” You bring your palm to his cheek, his beard prickling against your skin. “The only reason I told you to leave was because I loved you, because it was too hard to be in love with you and not really be with you. And after all this time, I still love you. I don’t think I ever stopped.” 
It's the truth. In the time he'd been absent from your life, you absolutely could have found someone and moved on. Maybe even settled down, but you couldn't. Because your heart was still with him.
You're pretty certain your heart will always be with him.
“That was my fault,” he acknowledges in a low voice. “I never told you what you meant to me, never took the steps to make you mine. Officially. And I was wrong for that, Y/N. Dead wrong. You always deserved better.”
Gaze softening, you murmur, “I always knew you were married, Joe. You never hid that from me.”
He shakes his head. “But I never—”
“It doesn’t matter—” it’s not entirely true. It does matter to you, you still want and maybe even have some degree of right to know just what the deal was with his marriage, why it took so long for him to divorce his ex-wife. However, at this moment, you don’t care about any of that. This isn’t about that. “I love you, and you love me. That…..that’s what matters.”
He looks like he still has more to say but is being respectful of what you want right now. So he asserts, “you’re with me now.”
“I’m with you now,” you repeat with a soft smile. “I’m with you always.”
Joe sits up, water pushing towards the other side of the tub. “You love me.” It’s more of a statement than a question, like he’s always known as such but was patiently waiting for you to openly admit to such. “I love you too, baby girl.”
Your lips connect for a kiss, passionate, hot, sensual, greedy. His hands are on your back, holding you close, your breast pressed against his chest. 
Your mouth parts when he moves his hand to your breast, thumb circling your nipple as he plants wet kisses down your jawline. “Let me make love to you.” His lips are fire against your wet skin, and you can’t bring yourself to answer with his hands roaming your body under the water, fingers parting your folds.
All you can do is nod eagerly. Joe surprises you when he ensures your legs are locked around him, standing up like you weigh next to nothing. Bodies dripping with water doesn’t make a difference to him as he walks you into the empty bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him, and lays you down on the bed. 
“Baby, we’re all wet,” you point out, not that it changes anything. He’s hot and hard against your thigh, and you feel yourself subconsciously inching down to take him in. “We ca—ahhh.” Your fingers scrape down his chest as he sinks into you. You’ll never get over the feeling of him inside you, the equally painful as it is pleasurable stretch.
“Joe….”
His head is in the crook of your neck. “It’s always been you.” His hands go to your legs, your thighs, spreading them further, deepening his reach. “Always.” 
He pins your hands above your head, by your wrists and you writhe under him. His pace is slow and intentional. This isn’t about either of you getting off, it’s so much more, much more deeper, meaningful. 
“You’ve always been my home.” But, it’s when he says that, so beautiful and vulnerable, that any remaining resolve you had shatters. Tugging on his grip, he loosens his hold and your hands push lightly on his chest. You give enough pressure for him to recognize you’re trying to switch positions. In seconds, he’s on his back with you on top, lips connected with his for a sensual kiss, your hands intertwining again above the pillow as you ride him.
You break the kiss, unable to keep in your moan. He feels so good inside you like this, and you lean back, moving your hips in slow, methodical circles. You know he loves you like this, riding him, breast bouncing as he meets your thrusts. Joe's hand moves up your stomach to your breast giving a deliciously tight squeeze.
“God, I love you,” you whimper, feeling your release building up. It never takes long with Joe. He’s master of your body and all the ways to bring you to a mewling mess.
You’re taken back when he sits up, tugging you closer, his dick hitting a different, even better spot. He kisses you again, more sloppy, just as passionate. And you moan into his mouth as his big hands plant on your hips, controlling your movements.
“Fuck, Joe.”
“Say it again,” he directs, and you’re momentarily confused why he instructs, “tell me you love me, baby.”
“I love you.” It’s probably one of the easiest things you’ve ever done as your fingers lock in his hair, your head back as he licks up the nape of your neck. “I love you so much.”
Your words seem to send him over the edge as well, his mouth latching onto your nipple as he says against your inflamed skin, “let me come in you.”
That feels like a layered request, like he’s asking two questions in one, not that it makes a massive difference.
The answer is the same either way.
This man has your entire heart and soul, and you’ll give him whatever he asks for. Whatever. 
Your finger knots in his scalp as you yank his head back, forcing him to look at you, “only if you come with me.”
His response is to switch positions again, this time laying you on your side as he fucks you from behind. His hand is planted on your belly, fingers spread and splayed as he talks you through it, carrying you into that wonderland of bliss and euphoria. Your hands scrape against the sheets as your orgasm rocks your entire body, and Joe follows shortly after, emptying his entire seed inside of you. 
Bodies wet and spent, his mouth is still on your back as he breathes into your skin, “I love you….”
Chewing on your lip and moving onto your back, your gaze is on him, loving and content. “I love you, too….”
________
You and Joe take separate showers, a mutual agreement as you both know together would just result in another round. Not that either of you are wholly objected, but you also need to be available for your daughter should she wake up for some reason. Not very likely, but just the chance alone is enough to stay on the safe side.
As Callie is conveniently sleeping in the middle of the bed, you and Joe slide in on opposite sides. Interestingly enough, not even a few minutes pass before Callie stirs in her sleep and moves on her side, facing Joe. It’s heartwarming how he gently caresses her forehead, just watching her sleep. 
“I’ve been thinking.” He makes a sound acknowledging your statement, but his eyes are focused on Callie. You know he’s taking in this moment, recognizing that in a matter of hours he’ll have to leave. That he won’t see her again for another almost two weeks. “What if we moved?”
At that, his eyes lift up, so you explain, “My mom is actually the one who brought it up. I didn’t see or understand it then, but I’m starting to get it now. You come to my place, Callie and I can come to see you here, but….we don’t have a place that’s ours.”
If this trip has shown you anything, it’s the importance of togetherness. Callie is most happy when you’re all together. She’s thrilled to be with Joe, but she’s most elated when it’s the three of you. You understand what your mom was trying to say. Callie wants family. She wants the three of you to be a family, and while there’s a lot of things that are untraditional about your dynamic, there are still paths to normalcy.
And one of those paths include having a home that belongs to the three of you, not just you or him, but a space for us.
“You would do that?” It’s hard for you to tell if his voice is so soft because he’s trying to avoid disturbing Callie or he’s deeply moved by your suggestion. Maybe both.
“Of course.” It’s an easy answer, especially when it comes to what’s best for your daughter. “I can teach anywhere. I have my mom and a few cousins, but that’s it. Almost your entire family is in Florida. You saw how easily she connected and bonded with your family. I want her to have that, and she can’t if we stay in my town. I told you before….she wants to be with you, and so do I.” 
You spent so long wanting and dreaming of having that, you’re entirely done with running and overthinking. It’s done nothing but keep you from being with the man you love and want to do life with. It’s time to focus on now and embrace the future.
A future that includes your family. 
“I’ll have my manager find us a realtor.” 
There’s something so exciting and pleasing about this, most likely that it’s the first step of establishing your future with this man. You’re not sure the last time you felt such peace. 
Yawning, you realize that while you feel exhausted, he must be drained. “Goodnight, Joe.” 
Turning on your back, he wishes you a goodnight and anything else after that is lost to the drowsiness that precedes sleep. 
But, it’s a sleep that doesn’t last as long as you’d like.
Having Callie has made you a lighter sleeper in general, so when Joe gets up and out of the bed, needing to get ready to leave, you’re up shortly after him. You don’t get out of the bed, just move so that Callie is right next to you. You know once he’s gone, she’ll be right under you, so might as well get a head start. 
And it happens much sooner than you’d like it to, Joe on the side of the bed, crouched down, as he goes to wake her up. 
It’s something he was entirely against until you told him that in talking to Callie, she made you promise that he'd wake up to tell her bye. She didn’t want him to leave without getting a chance to say goodbye. 
So, he respects that.
“Callie…” You can see he still hates this, hates all of it. You feel it too. It’s not enjoyable having to see these two separated when it’s obvious how close they are. At the end of the day, you get to go home with Callie. He doesn't. “Baby, wake up.”
Helping him out, you give her shoulder a little shake. “Calista, come on, baby, daddy’s gotta go.”
She’s so much like her dad, a heavy sleeper, but finally she stirs, eyes blinking open. And as soon as she sees him, she also knows what time it is. She sits up and rubs at her eyes, moving to hug him. 
“Bye.” Her soft, sleepy voice is both precious and heartbreaking, for a lot of reasons. You try to remind yourself though that she’s bound to be ecstatic when you and Joe break the news to her that you’ll all be moving in together. It’s just a matter of getting through this rough patch.
“I love you, sweetheart.” He kisses her temple and just as you predicted, she tucks herself into your side, readying to go back to sleep. Joe brings his palm to your cheek, “I love you too.”
Smiling warmly, you murmur, “I know....I love you too.” Easiest hello and hardest goodbye has always been such a cliched, overused, corny ass saying to you, but in this moment, you feel it wholeheartedly. “I’ll text you when we get back home.”
He nods, clearly pleased with this. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”
That’s the silver lining. There won’t be as much of a stretch of time that passes between the time you get to see him again. And this pleases you as you give him one last smile before laying back down and dreaming of a future that isn’t as far out as you once believed.
It may be just around the corner. 
________
Meanwhile in the Social Media-Verse…..
TRENDING THREADS
#1: R0m@n Re!gns new gf?
Original Poster: Sooooo. I was on Twitter being nosy, and people who attended the Smackdown show tonight are saying that RR stopped during his entrance to hug and kiss some woman and child sitting ringside. Can’t find any photos or video yet but will come back and add any that I find. Anyone got the tea?
Post #1: I thought he got divorced? I could have sworn I saw an article months about that.
Post #2: I saw the tweets too! Someone asked if it was his ex, but the wwe fanboys are saying the woman was too “fat” to be the ex-wife.
Post #3: That’s so interesting, cause I was watching live tonight (from home because broke bitch status) and the camera randomly cut to the commentators which felt like a strange move given Roman’s entrance is so iconic. I wonder if that’s when it happened.
Post #4: Ain’t nobody got no video or nothing? Didn’t happen. That’s not even aligned with his heel portrayal.
Post #5: @Post#4: He broke character clearly…..
Post #6: Omg yes!!! I was there tonight with my friend, and while we weren’t super close, it definitely happened. That wasn’t his ex-wife. Even from a distance, we could see that. And she’s not fat either, just curvy. Super pretty too. Like stunning. And yes, she’s black. 
Post #7: I just saw someone on Twitter who claims to have been sitting near them say the little girl called him ‘daddy’ 😲
Post #8: I thought he didn’t have any kids??? Harpo who dis woman????? 
Post #9: Damn, it must be serious if he acknowledging her while on the clock and playing daddy to her kid. Our man is taken taken, ya’ll. 😪
Post#10: This is wild. I just googled his name plus the word wife and came across like one picture from years back where she attended some charity event with him. I wonder what their marriage was like cause homegirl never went nowhere with this man.
Post #11: A lot of ya’ll must be new because the tea was spilled years ago in a legendary DR thread that he cheats. Apparently the wife did too. Seemed like an open marriage, Will and Jada type shit, just a lot more private and secretive.
Post #12: @Post11: I am new lol What was the DR? I need to know for…..research purposes.
Post #13: @Post12: Lol. Homegirl said he’s packing, the stroke game is immaculate, and that he’s a eater…..had her damn near speaking in tongues, going up yonder. So whoever this woman is….she’s winning in life. 
Post #14: @Post10 That is so true omg. There’s like nothing there. I know he’s very private but damn sis you can’t make at least an annual appearance????
Post #15: That was his whore (mistress) turned girlfriend and the kid is (allegedly) his. She sucked and fucked her way to that “acknowledgement.”
Post #16: @Post15: Whaaaattttt? You sound like you have tea, sis? Care to spill. 👀
Post #17: @Post16: The truth will come out soon enough.
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witchlingcirce · 2 days
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What do you think is TSC’s darkest book/series or Plot-line?
I personally think Cassandra’s darkest book is Queen of Air and Darkness, as some of her darkest scenes/plot-points/dialogue where in there (excluding not also including some of Sebastian’s scenes in TMI).
It got to the point where her writing these things had gone from inconspicuous to outright offensive. I don’t mind the mature change, but it was just noticeable, you know? The comment Dane Larkspear made about a 13 year old Dru and him asking Dearborn personally to ‘keep her’? The suggestion that Sebastian and Jace were ‘playing’ with with rebels that look like a dead Clary? Manuel-and his whole weird sadist obsession with Zara- hiding under a corpse? Poor Ash being abused and manipulated constantly?
That book was heavyyyyy I swear
TW: mentions of Rape
Darkest books?? Definitely the dark artifices series!! Those books felt so much more serious and more new adult than young adult, I loved them so much!! I personally think there Cassandra’s best work.
However, anything to do with Sebastian Morgenstern has to be her darkest stuff yet!! I feel as tho it’s not mentioned as much due to the fact the mortal instruments is definitely written in a more YA way.
1. Has actual attraction towards sister
2. Tried to rape that sister
3. Torturer
4. Murderer
5. Racist! (The way he refused to turn Mark because he was half fae 😰)
His cruelty and atrocities are even more present in the Thule plot.
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This is one the most despicable things I have ever read😭. Pretty red head, like his sister? Also implying that he made Jace play with them to? (This has to be rape of some kind, also mental manipulation) I can’t imagine how scared those poor girls must have been 💔.
Not to mention that he literally killed Max.
I know this isn’t a specific plot line, but I really do think Sebastian is the most wicked villain she will ever write. Thule is just an example of that as well!
Also, him literally turning shadowhunters into like dark versions of themselves is so wicked. Turning Amatis to get back at Luke?? Turning the Blackthorns father and than having him go after the rest of the family?? WICKED.
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The only thing he ate?? The red shadowhunter gear.
Small jokes aside and also a quick rant: I absolutely hate how the fandom treats him like he was just “misunderstood” or “wronged”. I agree we should be sympathetic to the fact he was abused as a child and manipulated, however he STILL MADE THESE DECISIONS GROWING UP! He chose to abuse clary, he chose to abuse Jace. He chose to ruin so many families lives (The blackthorns, the lightwoods, Clary’s life, his army killed Cristina’s dad SO MUCH MORE.) he’s a bad person, it literally says in the book that his good self never got to exist, which is sad but I hate how people think that moment defines his whole character.. it doesn’t 😭. Like yeah it’s sad we never got to see him be a good person, but that’s it.
Sebastian Morgenstern I HATE you and they can never ever ever make me like you!
This is such an amazing ask Pookie!! TYSM for letting me rant 😎.
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thecaroliner · 1 month
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I can’t even sleep. I just want my baby back. and I think I’ve made myself even more sick
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its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost
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friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you
#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that#will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT.#anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure.#and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo#$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive#and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started#anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean#and i am just so sad right now#and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun#not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course#i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as#breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage#i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard#i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade#and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone.#i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that#:((#honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug.#im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything
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kirbyddd · 1 year
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#school rumble#i could write an essay on it#actually i have#one of the most powerful stories ever written gah it drives me crazy that it comes in such a strange package#the story so powerful the animation team rejected the manga's bs to give the characters the finale they deserved#even though they were forced to retcon it in the final 2 episodes to push for another season#literally they just end the story on episode 19 and hard pivot to movie parody skits/vacation specials for the rest of the episodes#it's magical#until the episode 25 does the ''ohhh nooo they forgot the whole thing and put us right back where we started uh oh whoops''#''awww looks like we're gonna have to have another season''#literally#anyway if i ever start feeling emotions im probably going to start school rumble posting and never stop#schoolrum's so stupid you can only appreciate it emotionally#it's not like nichijou where theres still all this artistry and richness you can still engage with if youre cut off heartwise#i didnt even have emotions when i first watched it but it was still powerful enough to make a visceral impact#but at this point im just too far gone i need a bit of heartspace before i can have any chance of actually registering any of it again#<- finally caved and posted a schoolrum rant after like 5 and a half years on here#its the kind of series that lurks forgotten for years at a time#until one day it jumps out and grabs you and refuses to let go until you rewatch it again#best dub in history btw you didnt know english localization and voice acting could be this good#knocks the original japanese out of the park and truly ties everything together#nichijou japanese and school rumble english are the two best animation dubs of all time
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voulezloux · 1 month
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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professionaljester · 7 months
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love being 25 and not knowing how to socialize bc i’m autistic and off putting and cringe so no one wanted to talk to me/wanted to be my friend growing up so now i’m an adult with very few friends or ppl i talk to on a regular basis bc i never learned how to socialize or text properly bc no one taught me how
#abc shut it#vent#i’m so lonely it’s not even funny#my talking to myself has just gotten worse in the past few months alone#i just want some friends i can do watch parties with and play games with damn it#i’m so bored and lonely all the time#my life has just been work sleep and chores and it’s driving me insane bc i have nothing breaking up the routine#like it doesn’t help no one texted me bc i was poor and had didn’t get a smart phone until is was basically too late :)#like i know part of it is the depression but#idk i just don’t do anything when i get home#sometimes i do art sometimes i game but usually i just lose track of time staring at tumblr and the next thing i know my few hours—#after work are gone and i have to go to bed#like don’t get my wrong i LOVE my coworkers but i need some more friends within my own age bracket#like is it to much to ask for a group of friends that will watch anime and movies with me in our own discord server#like is that literally to much to fucking ask of the universe can i be allowed to feel like an actual normal human being that’s connected#to the human experience for once in my fuckkng life#and not feel like some sort out outlier that doesn’t fucking exist to anyone#i’m to a point where i think and feel like i’m not even real! lol#like idk i would just like there to not to be days where i literally don’t communicate with anyone#and know what to say when ppl DO text me bc when ppl do text me i half the time don’t even know what to say#and forget the message is there and get to scared to reply after too much time has passed like#i know it’s a me problem that therapy would help but im terrified that it won’t#that i’ll just be going therapy and still be a lonely autisic looser who doesn’t know how to communicate without being off putting#or being too much
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girl-bateman · 28 days
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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍
#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all#literally my soul is gone or something#i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed#which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better#alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off#like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot#like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy#moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously#but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends#i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help#idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho#like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback#kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk#it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore#but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol#that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown#like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way#and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever#and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality#plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good#but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you#but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !
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britneyshakespeare · 10 months
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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thingswhatareawesome · 9 months
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#lol i see the jealous caelus art and it's too cute#but i can see why he would be ^^;#the danheng/trl tag on ao3 is still ahead of the danheng/jingyuan tag but jingheng has gained a lot#it used to be like 1/3 of dancae but now it's almost half it's getting a lot of new content#i feel bad for caelus he's starting to not get written about as much the trl in general i mean#like the jingheng tag is 418 and jingcae is stalled at 47 SO MUCH FEWER :(#and i bet we'll see a time where the jingheng tag exceeds the danheng/trl one#going back in old bookmarks there used to be SO much better fic quality for dancae#but i hate to say it most of the better writers i think have gone on to liking danheng with others :/#which is kind of sad bc i love that pairing so much but there's just not that much fic happening and it's not as good as it used to be#and ofc no one ever wrote my ot3#i'm glad for the occasional art but dang i wish there was stuff to read#ugh i just read stats for a pairing i dislike and the numbers piss me off and make me sad#bc it's just like the pairing i hated when i was into vtrn where it's not based out of anything not out of chemistry or interactions#just shit fan hcs that somehow explode even though it's based on literally nothing actually real in story or lore#wow and i think ship i dislike has just destroyed the jingren tag like there's almost nothing for it anymore and there used to be so much#i really dislike how x ship has become the klnc of sr :/#anyway it's just sad that caelus gets no love from fans in the writing department :/
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amandabe11man · 8 months
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feeling lonely on here bc this site's been dead in general for months now and also bc the people i've talked a lot with haven't been on much either. nice parallel bro that's exactly how i feel at work too!
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i talk sooo much about how much better i think akutagawa looks in the manga but damn if manga techhou isn’t an entirely different character to me from anime tecchou
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sluttyten · 1 year
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Romantic/dating anxiety is definitely a thing (to me). I just steed into the dating world for the first time last year at the ripe age of 26 and when I tell you I’ve been anxious every time I’ve matched with someone/received a message complimenting me before we can even have a conversation/agreed to a date… it’s intense to say the least but I believe in us!
Definitely definitely a thing, like I’ve managed to give myself a decent stomachache just by overthinking this since it happened.
I don’t know what to do lmao because I have 0 experience, and like I just texted my best friend about, I shoot down every person that ever asks for my number or shows interest in me but then I also literally am always like…. looking for someone to be interested in me, but also like as soon as I know for sure they’re interested I don’t want them to be, and also I think I just feel awkward if the person is younger than me, so like when one of my coworkers clearly had a crush on me but he was like 5 or 6 years younger than me so I felt that was weird, and then this guy I don’t even know how old he is either so like that feels fucking awkward to me because nobody ever thinks I am my age, which right now I’m 27 😭 and the other day a girl I work with thought I was 23, which is a compliment but also like I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that much younger than me 😭😭
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kenobihater · 4 months
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the last remaining threads of my sanity are slipping through my fingers rn 🚬 😑
#i'm out of cigarettes i'm incredibly ill and i'm reconsidering my relationship to a certain fandom.#look i'm NOT saying i'm gonna stop the divorce proceedings but uh. fuck. i may have been re reading some of my older works and unfinished#fics and i MAY. i repeat MAY. have some tiny shred of interest posting about st*r w*rs again#motherfucker i'm SO hesitant to speak that into existence and will be absolutley APOPLECTIC if it happens bc i don't fucking WANNA like sw!#i divorced it! i took the kids (my ocs) & filed a restraining order & crossed state lines & broke all contact and yet! and fucking yet!!!!#i find myself in tags i havent visited in over two years on the archive like some beaten dog slinking back home to a shitty master#i honestly hate like. fucking ALL of the shit i've written from then that i reread and some of it was so bad i couldnt even bring myself to#click on it after reading the summary. like. UGH! i have a half baked fic idea i wrote a little for and i think it's more compelling than#any of the literal dogshit i posted back then so i MIGHT work on polishing that up and posting something that isn't actual garbage by my#current standards. all of this is still up in the air tho bc i dont know if the hyperfixation or even the bare minimum lvl of interest has#returned or if it's just fever induced delirium. i've been having INCREDIBLY fucked up bad horrible awful vivid dreams as of late so fever#induced brain fuckery isn't out of the question. sigh. i'm so mad abt this#even if i do regain some interest in the fandom i don't think i'll have any interest in new source material after the mando s2 finale &#tbo.bf sucking ass & the obi show being mid & everything with the ST. i plan on watching ando.r but after that? zero interest in anything#new from sw. so. if anyone still reading this and is getting excited abt me POSSIBLY MAYBE being interested in sw just know i still hate it#a bit and feel like i'm being dragged kicking and screaming back into this mess unwillingly. or it's due to a fever. god i need a smoke#len speaks#that's literally the longest tag rant i've ever gone on. fuck that's a BAD sign
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years
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honestly dead apple in and of itself is peak comedic cinema
and i love it for that
The true comedy was me rewatching it yesterday because I was so stupid to believe I might have been able to understand something by watching it a second time
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd dead apple#mine#The fun part is that you'd be watching it and half movie is gone already and you'd be like “ah‚ sounds pretty linear so far‚#I don't get what the confusion was about?” And then pretty much from when Chuuya bursts into Ango's offices it's just a series of–#subsequential “uh????” in different increasing octaves#Okay just to name a few questions#What was up with Ango and Chuuya?? Is there Stormbringer context I'm missing? I didn't think Ango appeared in Stormbringer?#I feel like there's more than Chuuya being mad at Ango for introducing Shibusawa in the Dragon Head Conflict but maybe I'm mistaken?#Besides why is Shibusawa linked to the government? Are Chuuya's “six friends” the Flags? Is Stormbringer about the Dragon Head Conflict?#CAN THEY DO ME THE FAVOR OF GRANTING ME THE POSSIBILITY TO WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE PREVIOUSLY READ A NOVEL?#Bsd is literally turning into a mcu level of absurdity. Or was Stormbringer published afterwards and all of the mentions of events–#described in it was advertising for the novel? The Dragon Head Conflict... Really what's up with THAT was that ever explained?????#WAS THERE REALLY NOT ANY OTHER WAY DAZAI. WAS THERE REALLY. Because I can think of about 45893828392 simpler ways to save the city–#without joining the bad guys and make everything easier for them?????? Kyouka says that she controls Demon Snow through her phone.#But she doesn't‚ right?? Didn't she gain full control of her ability thanks to Fukuzawa when she joined the ada???#In that moment at the start Chuuya is able to evoke corruption without poem- is that possible or was that for dramatic effect?#Did he learn the poem in a successive moment to have more control when to activate his corruption state?#(Actually I think this might have been explained in Stormbringer) What the hell was Fyodor's plan?#What did he gain from everything that happened? Is there anything he was trying to accomplish or was he really there just for the chaos?#What did Shibusawa want to obtain exactly? Why did Shibusawa say he knew Fyodor‚ what's the link between them?#And again‚ what the fuck is up with the orphanage torture scene? How did they knew Atsushi had an ability when it didn't manifest?#Why did they want to take it out at all costs‚ what's so special about it? (I know that's one of bsd's great mysteries but still. still)#Actually‚ why didn't Dostoyevsky have to fight against his own ability? For the matter‚ why weren't we shown Chuuya doing that either?#Has that anything to do with Arahabaki? Why the fuck is there a big af dragon. Is that like? The manifestation of an abilities singularity?#I really don't get how it's possible for Shibusawa to be a ghost. Like his ability consists of separating abilities from their users–#that has nothing to do with becoming a ghost‚ does it? Then why?? Also‚ how does Dostoyevsky bring him back a second time?#Finally‚ how is the Kyouka / Atsushi / Akutagawa team so perfect 🥰🥰 And why don't they have more screentime 💔💔😔😔
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