#he is a Very Distinct Character from Peter. but. also. like.. hes also still always Spider-Man. yknow? and i like that abt him a lot.

[spider-man-2o99]

^^^ #1 most autistic (spider-)man on th whole entire planet earth of all time ever who scampers and skitters and scuttles all about

[mintakablue]

cool details i noticed + things i loved in across the spiderverse

spoilers ahead!

i think the stylization of the different spiders was even more distinct in this movie than the last one! i like that when the camera is focused on certain characters, you get their aesthetic “bleed” into the world (e.g. gwen’s painterly strokes in her silhouette bleeding outwards, miles and his family having chromatic aberrations in theirs, manny’s chunkier outline, etc.)

i LOVE that the spot is miles’ nemesis for a couple different reasons. he aesthetically opposes how colorful miles’ world is, he is a “villain of the week” that peter parker originally faces off against rather than miles, the major inversion he gets (becoming black with white spots) kind of feeds into the underlying theme of asking who the good guys are--especially when we learn that miles would have been prowler in earth-42! obviously also the fact that he and miles are both anomalies is great. i also think it’s good meta humor to have made the bagel guy become the spot.

there’s also a bagel billboard above the spot’s apartment. in some ways very fortuitous that everything everywhere all at once related bagels to the multiverse.

the stylization of three side characters really stuck out to me--pavitr, ben reilly, and of course, hobie! i love pavitr and mumbattan, i think it was a good choice for the trailer and stylistically a really strong and complementary style to bridge miles’ transition into this aspect of the spiderverse. ben reilly’s stylization i love because it evokes the mobile spiderverse game that introduced a lot of people to some of the more obscure spiders. and DUH i love hobie’s style, you can really tell that they incorporated tons of actual britpunk influences in there. also let me not forget margo kess! she’s so cute in this i genuinely like that she’s a VR spider. i hope to god they make jokes about her being on the web. please.

on that note i do like that the prop design also retains obvious notes of which things belong to which spiders! hobie’s is obvious, but you also see it with gwen’s items. also i like that each spider has a different way of swinging through the air that’s more obvious in this one! gwen and pavitr both have an dancerlike quality to them, hobie’s is a little more erratic (anarchist), and miles of course is still figuring out how to nail some of those more tight swings, but he’s way cooler with being in freefall than any of the other spiders. also miguel using his claws instead of swinging and jess using her motorcycle were very cool! lots of aerial play in this one that i’m excited to watch again and follow the eyetrace for.

good moments with miles and his family! i almost always hate the moody teenager plot because it’s like. you don’t see why they even Should care about their family or the family is so overbearing you start just siding with the teenager, but this movie struck a really good balance there for me. also i just really really like that there are scenes where miles and his mom just speak spanish with each other :’) the rooftop party was so real to me. i am not Latine or live in ny, but i am Filipino and i have been at one million parties like that with my family. and those pink cake boxes from a small bakery that your parents like is iconic.

i genuinely enjoyed the commentary on faking the struggle to get into school LMFAO i think that’s very real for a subset of poc, but especially more affluent Black and Latine people.

OH YEAH miles cracks a joke about ATM machines and then pavitr (my king) cracks the same kind of joke about chai tea and naan bread. a bit of an old joke but hey the movie has been in production for 2.5 years and i do think it serves to highlight the way that spidermen crack the same joke. especially when after in the spiderverse HQ a ton of other spidermen crack the same kinds of jokes about spotting The Spot. across the spiderverse, spidermen are the same

pointing spiderman meme is terribly funny i will stand by that forever

more funny meta commentary about donald glover being people’s pick for miles’ voice and not becoming spiderman, so he’s the prowler--in the same way that miles, had he not become spiderman, would have been the prowler. more obvious is his appearance in mcu spiderman, but i still think it’s fun foreshadowing!

on foreshadowing, i think this movie does a great job of laying out a lot of those bits of information. starting off with highlighting earth-42 and making sure you know that sticks in your mind (and it’s also impossible to choose the number 42 and not evoke the cultural memory of hitchhiker’s guide lol), having the spot talk about how the spider came from a different earth, getting another glimpse at it, seeing miles’ earth number right in the splash screen, saying that the big spider device sends you back to your universe via DNA analysis + margo seeing the big EARTH-42 instead of earth-1610 on the screen. and then even in earth-42, the color palette is really different from 1610! 1610′s opposing color for miles is like a deep blue color (opposing his red suit accent), so 42 having a primarily green palette opposes the prowler’s purple accent!

not to mention that when miles pulls into his bedroom, you can see that he doesn’t have a drawing desk up (or his sashimi/supreme poster). i think it’s a sad little detail that the movie seems to imply that his mom didn’t notice a major change in his appearance (having a short afro instead of braids) is because she works so much she doesn’t see him that often :(

fun sound design in this movie! in the scene where miles-42 gets revealed as the prowler, you actually hear that growling sound effect first when miles-1610 gets tackled and then again twice: once we see miles-42 in shadow as the prowler, then when he says his name!

in fact there’s actually tons of fun sound design details! miguel gets a futuristic sting, gwen has like a full on leitmotif, miles has a short leitmotif which i believe is part of “what’s up danger” (i would need to go back and watch the movie a second time to really pick up on it), pavitr and hobie have their own musical instruments associated with them... and even the spider from earth-42 has its own sting! i might have misheard, but i actually also think hobie and pavitr’s “thwip” sounds are a little different than the standard ones!

i love when those little notes show up in the lower corner. very comic book! a lot of those details make me smile, i really feel like they cared a lot about evoking some of the writing styles of different spiderverse writers there

aesthetically and tangentially related, i like the sketchiness of some of the characters! it’s most obvious in the spot and the alternate universe vulture, but it’s such a neat visual trick. it also serves to give the spot an almost “unfinished” look while also giving him better volume. very excited to see the behind the scenes from the riggers/animators/3d artists

the idea of canon events is such a good one for spiderverse--i think it’s great! one of them that i’m almost certain they’ll bring up in the next one is that. um. gwen usually dies when spiderman is trying to save her. straight up i actually thought they were going to pull that one instead of officer singh dying after gayatri is falling! after all spider-gwen almost got shot, plus miles straight up almost drops her after he glitches out in mumbattan. sony please don’t break spider-gwen’s neck...

genuinely loved all the calls to different spidermen too! there’s like one really prominent shot of paperbag spiderman that made me and my sibling giggle. here’s how the fantastic four can still win

in that vein, i have at least Some prediction of what the spiderverse resolution will be? i can imagine that because miles is an anomaly, his canon event breaking might actually be permissible to some degree... perhaps only if he returns to his own earth? truly truly i cannot IMAGINE that they would make us watch his dad straight up die onscreen because like MAN we already watched his uncle die. that would be way too devastating... but obviously miles-42 and miles-1610 have a lot to say to each other about watching an older man in your life that you love die. i’m a little back and forth about the idea that miles was “destined” in some way to become the prowler in an alternate universe but i’m gonna put my faith in the team to not make it weird ykwim. seeing as they already slipped in commentary about the fact that like Yeah it’s partially because miles’ family has money in 1610 that he is even able to “stay out of trouble” i think there will be an interesting conversation to be had about class dynamics between miles-42 and miles-1610! i am like wildly excited for the next one, i have a lot of hope that it will be even more gorgeous than this movie was and will have the same depth of writing/foreshadowing!

lastly and i know i’m just saying this because to ME spiderman is a very trans character. but peter parker from spider-gwen’s universe was just taking his testosterone okay. and spider-gwen having that painterly pink blue and white as she was saying essentially “i want to live my life fully in my identity” was so... happy pride!!!

[sciderman]

Sci, what's your opinion on same face syndrome but the person is still very happy with their art and style. Is that a problem because it's not inclusive enough or is it okay because the artist is drawing what they love?

i don't think i'm any sort of authority on what's right or wrong in art - i think as long as an artist enjoys what they do, that's a beautiful thing i don't want to get in the way of, you know - and sometimes it's not important - maybe an artist wants to draw the same pretty girl over and over, and it sells, and that's fine – to each their own!

i do think there's a benefit to exploring different features in art, for differentiating characters and having them have unique expressions and identities – and i think it's a valuable thing to have in your arsenal – maybe you choose to draw the same features over again, but make sure it's a choice - and not restricting yourself under the guise of "this is my style" – i think it's valuable to do real studies of real people with different facial features – it only benefits you as an artist! i think you damage yourself as an artist by being reluctant to try new things!

i know wade and peter used to not really have distinctive faces before. they had the same nose - maybe wade's was Slightly rounder and bigger, but there wasn't a lot to differentiate them beyond skin-tone and, you know, wade's scars.

i don't feel like it was necessarily an issue, really – i didn't get any complaints, but... i know i have a Lot more fun drawing their faces now, because they're distinct, and it's not limited to their features, but also the expressions that they make! wade and peter "act" very differently, because their features are different, and so wade's smile is different from peter's smile. and when wade cries, it's different from how peter cries. when peter frowns, it's so very silly and muppety and exaggerated. because he actually loves to suffer, i think. he likes to make a show of it. wants everyone to know just how miserable he is.

and when wade frowns (rare, because he's always putting on airs, and hates people seeing him as anything other than the life of the party) it's so very small and humble.

it's kind of a delight that i enjoy a lot - the different ways wade and peter "perform" when i draw them - so, i'd encourage doing some studies of people, and thinking about the ways they perform! how they smile differently. how they frown differently. there isn't a universal language for facial expressions – there's subtleties there – and it's something i'm kind of obsessed with, and i think any artist would kind of find it fun to explore - especially if you're as obsessed with your character's performances as i am

[popculturebuffet]

Into the Spider-Verse: SP//dr: Edge of Spider-Verse #5 (Sponsored by WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy webheads and welcome back to our second dose of action as your reward… for what I don't know. Maybe you petted a dog recently or something and they were a very good boy/girl. I don't know. With our main spider-trio clear, we're now into the other three spider-persons starting with our only other spider-woman SP//dr.. which is going to be annoying to type out already I can tell you that.

SP//dr is also the only spider-person in this retrosepective to not really have a lot of indivdual focus. She's mostly shown up in team up events only getting one shots in this and the edge of spider-geddon mini series, and the most she's gotten for a solo is a story arc is marvel unimited's spider-verse series. In contrast looking at the other spider-people miles is on his fifth solo series and has tons of minis, gwen has had three solo series and also tons of minis, Spider-Pig had a short lived solo we'll be visiting soon and multiple minis and while never having an ongoing, Noir has had three full mini series and a few one shots. And of course peter has had multiple runs of amazing, spectacular and adjetivelss spider-man along with marvel team up, giant size spider-man, two volumes of web of spider-man and spider-man unlimited, untolt tales of spider-man, two volumes of sensastional spider-man, webspinners tales of spiderman, spider-man's tangeled web, avenging spider-man, and spider-man/deadpool among COUNTLESS mini series. What i'm saying is while Peni has a great issue here and a great concept she really hasn't had the big character defining storyline most of her peers got, and out of the 6 chosen, she's easily the obscure pick, though it likely helped Lord and Miller switched out her origins considerably while leaning into the anime style to give them another distinct spidey to roll with. Kimiko Glenn's impecable as always performance probably didn't hurt.

So going into this.. Peni was a mystery to me, as I hadn't read this issue, spider-verse or spider-geddon. And boy howdy was this a massive fun suprise: For starters Peni was co-created by GERARD FUCKING WAY. For those who don't know him

But for those who don't, Gerard was, and maybe still is?, the lead singer and creative force of the emo band to end all emo bands My Chemical Romance. Naturally my faviorite album is their last one, an over the top and glorious punk album set in a comic style corprate wasteland and where Grand Motherfucking Morrison played the main bad guy. No joke, they showed up in two diffrent videos as the character. He rocks.

And for most people being a world famous rock star and having his own money bin only with pennies painted pink , black and red would be enough. For Gerard.. he wanted to write comics too and was damn good at it. He created Umbrella Academy out of his love for the x-men, which as far as I know he has'nt gotten to work on and i'ts a damn crime, and Doom Patrol, one of my faviorite DC Comcis teams. Thankfully he DID get to work on the latter and rescued them from a decades long limbo, crafting a run that's as batshit insane as it is damn fun and creative. It may not entirely make sense at times but like Morrison's own team defining run, it dosen't always need to to be awesome. He's also written multiple comics based on Danger Days, the album I mentioned, and the 12 issue series Cave Carson has a Cybernetic Eye. While his work is sporadic it's always memorable and this is no exception. So look alive sunshine as we plug in under the cut.

We open with the death of a spider-man: Peni Parker's dad peter dies horribly. How?

But there are two key points from this striking two page spread: SP//dr the man is dead.. btu the actual spider somehow bonded with him is alive

We then cut to young peni parker, age 10, who talks to her uncle ben and aunt mei who break the news which she takes with chilling calm… and then ask her to bond with SP//dr to help defend japan… and also prove their GREAT new caretakers by revealing they released the genetically altered spider her dad died with into the room to bite her without making sure she was okay with it. It bites her and a new spider is added to the web. As you can tell… they changed the tone a LOT with Peni. In the movie she's mostly just "LOOK ANIME'. Here.. it's more cyberpunk, with SP//dr likewise having a more mechanical design. I get Why they did it.. but wish they'd still kept peni unique while making her look anime instead of being generic anime school girl with robot buddy. Especially since SP//dr's armor is fucking sick looking as you could see on the cover

5 years later, she's on duty as this universe's mysterio is attacking.. and also really weird. While the guy inside we'll find out is some nerd in a cool suit and weird globe as usual… his way of attacking the populace is this cool ominous floating doom orb

It's honestly a hell of an interpretation and makes me mad we didn't get to see MORE of way's takes on various spidey rogues, as he naturally goes all out with it while still keeping the core: mysterio is still a showman, but more as a mad artist than a hollywood schster, and his hallucinations gas is stil la thing now just poored onto the street> The art is also incredible, fitting Way's pop punk astetic like a glove, being both colorful while also fitting the mildly gritty tone: this work is cyberpunk but more the anime brand with lots of flash and sound, aka the better version. Aunt May serves as Peni's mission contorla s she prepares to get in, admits sh'es a vegetarian and crashes in on mysterio while playing the song Love is a Weapon by Cult Summer Feat Gloss.. which is a song i'm not even sure actually exists.

What we get is an awesome sequence as our mechanized heroine busts in.. sadly she dosen't say this

But I think she DOES meet this guy eventually so it balances out. It's awesome especially once the hallucinogens kick in and our hero has to punch the guy out. We also find out he's a looney fan who sent her a mix cd.

We then cut to.. school as we see peni's id is public: SP//dr which is both the suit and the spider, and is confusing as you would imagine is there, and when Daredevil shows up to pick her up for superhero stuff she's excused. There's also what looks like anime mj looking at her. Neat.

I like this unvierse's daredevil too: he seems to work as SP//dr's handler, ;ally and a friend of her dad's, has a nice look to him (lookiing like armored daredevil but less 90's and more badass), and ikt's again why I wish we knew more or got a series, even a mini as this universe really ISN'T that explored. I mean granted given how way's work can go we could get more questions than answers, but we'd also get some real neat shit along the way.

We also get a really nice bit where the two break for lunch… where Peni both admits she's tired and asks about her dad. While we don't see MUCH of her here.. we get plenty of character as it's clear Peni feels lost, coming off stoic.. but it's clear there's a real sadness to her: She lost her dad, there's a job she was forced into and didn't ask for and she can never really have a normal life, something Peter, Miles and Gwen all struggle with, but it's magnified here: all of them at least can TRY thanks to the mask. Peni.. is stuck with everyone knowing she's the spider-person and we see that not having to hide.. doesn't make her feel any less alone.

The ending… is a bit more tied into the event than Gwen's.. I mean granted anything's better than

Btu the last few pages are Peni being greeted by Spider-Ham, does whatever a spider-pig does and Old Man Spider. Old Man Spider, who I hadn't seen before this is Ezikiel. He's a LOT to explain and I could just brush over it.. but i'm a wordy bastard so instead here's

JAKE EXPLAINS AN OLD SPIDER-MAN MOST OF YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF AND DON'T CARE EXISTS

During the early good parts of J. Micheal Strazenski's long run on spider-man, we found out spider-man was tied into the "web of life and death" and picked as the spider-totem for his universe, with the reason he has so many animal foes being their drawn to him via destiny and stuff. I think it's fine: it's not a necessary explanation but I don't mind adding some magic to peter's science based world. He soon met Ezikel, a successful businessman who also had spider-powers and used them for personal gain, but showed up to help Peter against morlun, a mystical vampire man who hunts spider-people who was cool at the time but sadly got a bunch of generic siblings who are the main reason i'm not super into reading spider-verse and were wisely replaced with kingpin for the movie. Point is he's a cool old guy and in this universe peter died fighting morlun, so Eziekl became spider-man.

Anyways our heroes go to get the suit, and we get Peni stating she's a weapon to keep going till termination, seeing her once again brush her emotions aside… because the reality is too terrifying. All that matters is the job. So with that our spider-'s swing off and we get Spider-Ham's classic catchphrase.

I mean i'ts no crackers and milk... oh who am I kidding it's SO crackers and milk. That'll do pig. That'll do. INto The Spider-Verse #5 is amazing, a ncie short story. If I have any complaint it's that it feels fragmented, with three diffrent stories: peni fighting mysterio, peni and daredevil fighting thgs mysterio told them about, and spider-verse spider-verse. But the energetic tone, art and great characterization for peni means it comes quick, hits hard and leaves a hell of an impression. Hopefully we'll see Peni again in al lher death metal glory. For now.. this is a nice single tha tstands on it's own

Next Time: Just say Noir as a very different Peter Parker must avenge his uncle's murder and dawn a spiffy fedora.

[punch-love]

for the violence ask… 8/9/10

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I think it's an easy answer to say Peter Parker but objectively, the majority of the fandom has a very fanon collective idea about who he is/what role he feels in a narrative that makes it feel like there are two distinct Peters that are running around in the tag. (Which is interesting, because Wade's character I think is pretty consistently written - the level of nuance differs, but the core of him is there, and I think it's because he's baseline a pretty easy character to understand while Peter is not since who he says he is/who he is contrats)

It's obviously mostly because comic canon + the three movie canons do not line up well the more recent they are, and the most recent converts are people who got into the TH movies, which are probably the least accurate/worst representation of Peter as a character. I think that writing him as a nice, sweetheart, infantile twink definitely fulfills a very classic yaoi fantasy and I understand why it exists, but at that point it's so disconnected from source it feels like a wade wilson/oc work that's been telephoned across the expanse of the fandom degrading Peter's core character further with every new iteration.

9. worst part of canon

I've said this once, I've said this a thousand times, but the ableism that exists within the comic universe to the degree that everyone that sees Wade and his scars reacts like it's the worst thing they've ever seen is not only unrealistic but also weird in canon context.

1) this is a world that has mutants, aliens, and meta-species and many canon characters have mutations or species traits that go outside the norm and they don't receive the same level of universal disgust

2) disability education! mutant rights are marvel's talking point for real world racism/ableism so why can mutants who are made of stone get humane treatment from fellow mutants but wade...does not? it's weird? it doesn't make any sense?

3) he literally does not look that bad (this is depending on author/artist. I saw someone say once that there are three Wades, horror Wade, action Wade, and romance Wade and depending on the comic plot line, his scars get worse to better respectively.) As someone who writes for this fandom I can confirm that there are many people who are attracted to Wade Wilson lol. It just does not. Make. Sense. To. Me. It's just ableism, plain and simple.

It just really bothers me. I really think comics are so based on conventional standards (I.E. every superhero is traditionally beautiful, body diversity doesn't exist, etc.) that when a character like Wade exists who is not conventional but still fits the body standards + the base of G.I. Joe it just doesn't make sense that he would receive the level of blatant ableism from every person he ever interacts with. I think he would get more! Is it what I'm saying.

10. worst part of fanon

I mean, where do we really start. (It's the babygirlification of Wade Wilson) it makes writing any level of nuance in their relationship very one-sided because you know the fans will literally agree with anything Wade does and contrast it with degrading and dehumanizing anything Peter does. Wade's actions are always justifiable because (vague hand wave in the direction of the babygirlification of serial killers) I think it bothers me so much because there are two people in this relationship and one of them is a canonical serial killer and one of them is a weird guy with a bad personality. I think they both suck, but if only one of them gets flack then it really makes the entire concept of them profoundly unfun.

[abnerkrill]

This is spurred by my social anxiety, and your very well written and interesting post about the insidiousness of the ROP critiques. So ignore if you want.

I’m someone who has not watches the show. I definitely had the initial aggressive reaction of Amazon is Evil don’t touch MY 2nd Age!!!😡

I decided to see if I changed my mind based on tumblr osmosis, and hold off on watching dependent on if I liked what I saw.

I personally liked what I saw of the dwarves and the Nùmenor designs and casting. Like I’d have enjoyed a beard on Disa but otherwise she looks awesome and I have no complaints whatsoever about how Nùmenor looks.

But I have a visceral (shallow and petty) negative reaction to Elrond, Gil-Galad, Finrod, and Celebrimbor’s faces. The “just some guy” complaint.

Is that racist and fascist? Like I know it’s nitpicky and petty, but I don’t want to buy into the toxic conservatism, you know?

hey friend, thanks for asking, always happy to discuss rop in good faith!! the casting of elrond, celebrimbor, and gil-galad is something i've seen a smattering of criticism about, so you're not alone. and i genuinely don't see disliking the casting as a problem (esp not related to anything racist/fashy since they're all white dudes playing white dudes lol!!) but honestly, i'd suggest watching the show and seeing their performances, since it'll give you a far better picture of who the characters are than just in still images/gifs.

i was not sold on robrond (robert elrond) for a long time, because i kinda thought he looked like peter pan--till the culmination of his storyline with durin. then i was 100% fucking SOLD because of the performance and chemistry. that made me reappraise the casting, which imho is GREAT for a young elrond still figuring out his place in the world. short hair and all—i feel like there's a distinct possibility we'll get long hair elrond in future seasons :)

similarly with celebrimbor. i know silm celebrimbor and popular fanon interpretation is very different from charles edwards celebrimbor. but over the course of the show, it was the charm and energy that won me over. and... i get the thirst now. i do. his energy is incredibly charismatic.

gil-galad unfortunately isn't a huge part of s1 (though it's confirmed he'll be more major moving forward--bear mccreary is also composing a gil-galad theme for the soundtrack already!!) not everyone has been convinced, but i'll be honest there is a s1 episode 8 moment that actually really endeared him to me and now i'm similarly sold!

i think it's totally fair to have that initial petty/shallow negative reaction if you don't think they look right for elves/don't think they're hot (sorry 2 the actors lol!!!!) because that's a pretty personal metric anyway. but watching onscreen is a very different experience from just seeing still images and gifs. you might be surprised--i certainly was (...i've written the elrond x durin fanfic i wanted to see in the world and i am now SUPER attracted to robrond. rip my life.) let me know what you think, i promise i'm happy to receive asks and messages and i'm not scary :D

[rappaccini]

arachnophobia ch4 notes

title

from "undertaker", by nova twins

opening quote

from everything everywhere all at once, directed by daniels

this is the mentor-confrontation chapter. jess is aware that she's failing gwen, and has chosen to keep doing so and justify it. miguel has no fucking clue. and peter actually recognizes that he fucked up. the former two are the ones to watch out for.

jess

gwen is now a spider-gwen. we're halfway through the story, so it's time for her to embrace that distinction. and to use it to break apart her sense of closeness with jess.

we're at the bargaining stage of the seven stages of grief. this chapter is about gwen talking to three mentors who essentially hold her life in her hands, trying to see if she can come to terms with them, and concluding it isn't possible.

pav called jess. he's a nice kid who trusts the society, and being a friend of gwen's, he's probably had a lot of interactions with her. when he gets worried about gwen, he calls her foster mom.

and jess called miguel.

gwen saw jess as a mother from the moment she blurted out 'can you adopt me' in the guggenheim. she's a teenage girl whose own mother died when she was young, who's constantly searching for specifically female role models.

i've always really wondered about how nueva york feels about the tower of dimension-hopping spiders downtown. probably a lot of conspiracy theories.

gwen's spider-sense is reminding her of earth-65a's cindy moon and sue storm. more on this later.

jess is capable of genuine maternal concern towards gwen. she's just also capable of shutting it down.

jess did the bare minimum of not leaving a teenager alone with her dad while he's pointing a gun at her, and then proceeded to do nothing but neglect her after the fact. gwen has to sleep over at hobie's, so she hasn't even found this girl a place to stay.

in the comics, roxxon is the slimy energy corporation responsible for the spider that bit gwen. she was at a political protest against them when it happened.

timeline note: gwen's been at the society for seven-going-on-eight months, to atsv's five.

'the wrong spider-woman' ... subconsciously, gwen wants to speak to earth-8 gwen.

some jessicas do have pheromones. no clue if 404 jess does.

another important lesson for gwen to learn: not all women support each other simply on the basis of their gender.

jess's origin here is mostly fabrication. comics-jess's origin is honestly so convoluted it was difficult to make sense of. i kept the bit about her father experimenting on her to save her from an illness-- felt like a girl who spent her whole childhood in and out of hospitals would turn into a thrill-seeker once she's finally healthy. so in my mind, jess got the bike and put on the mask to make up for lost time.

and jess is often a spy or agent in her depictions; 404-jess still has those positive associations with the government, given how one of their projects saved her life.

404-gwen's the girl with cancer glimpsed in chapter 1.

jessica drew in the comics doesn't have a gwen; her existence here is all made up for the fic. the death needed to fit jess's hospital backstory, give her some level of agency in causing it, while still making it ultimately out of her control. ergo, jess gets the serum, gwen does not. and like any gwen death: jess does feel responsible, and gwen isn't even given any say in it.

"it was a mercy" girl no the fuck it wasn't.

jess is like any other spider-man, making her gwen's death the most important thing about her.

and jess's issues with gwen are also personal. she isn't the girl jess was best friends with, and she's not happy about it.

every time a gwen is saved by her spider, the narrative tends to sling some bullshit about how ~we would have been better off if she died~ -- so jess very much regrets taking gwen out of 65b.

there are so many different jessica drews. she's a difficult character to pin down because of it. makes you wonder what made miguel want a jess as his right hand, and what made this jess accept.

in my mind, it's that, apart from her preexisting sense of loyalty to shady government/policing structures, she wants that consistency he provides. she wants to be the definitive jess, so if she's in his inner circle, he'll be persuaded to adjust the narrative in her favor.

and jess can't see eye to eye with gwen. all jess wants is what gwen technically has-- a clear-cut purpose in the story that everyone agrees on and finds important. she can't relate to gwen resenting that purpose.

another callback to gwen's best female villains: they're women who want what she has. cindy moon in earth-65 created the radioactive spider and is angry that gwen got powers instead of her, and considers her unworthy of it. sue storm wants the fame and acclaim ghost-spider has as the biggest hero in nyc, and believes she's too ugly and problematic to have such a platform, so she blackmails her into fleeing the universe (... not that the comics ever follow up on that).

65b gwen's three and a half years into being spider-woman, yet she hasn't even had her identity revealed to her dad yet. by that time, 65a gwen had not only revealed it to her father, but been depowered, venomized, exposed, arrested and been to prison. gwen b's taking an oddly long time to meet her canon events.

her supporting cast is also smaller-- there's no harry osborn, for one. and there's no murdock to send the rhino to attack her dad, which is how her identity's exposed to him in the comics. had to point that out.

gwen b is much more... palatable than gwen a. she's a graceful dancer, not a clumsy bruiser. she's sixteen, not nineteen. she's level-headed, not temperamental. she loved her peter back and he died as a mistake; he wasn't a borderline incel who she beat to death. she's capable of infiltrating visions academy and fucking alchemax. she's strategic and level-headed, and doesn't go cracking nearly as many puns and burns or giving emotional speeches.

all of which probably make her more appealing to the society than her comics-alternative.

jess's goal was keeping gwen from slipping off that pedestal. she failed.

the captain gwen stacy is an invention for the fic. just felt like a permutation that'd show up.

jess's method of catching gwen is all in her words.

jess cares, but not enough. she'll tell gwen there are others like her, but won't protect her from miguel.... but she'll still act like she will to save face.

gwen needed a little closure with pav, even if it's just asking jess to let him know she's okay with him.

peter b

the society's fucking giant. probably an intimidation tactic.

peter b also knows-- i imagine the inner circle are all aware gwen's being sent home. he is not okay with it, and wants to get gwen's side of things.

he's also trying to be a dad here.

in the comics, gwen and peter-616 go for hot dogs. little nod to that too.

you really do have to wonder how pete responded to learning that all his exes formed a band and are dating each other.

and a hint of that spider-man entitlement bubbles up, assuming all the girls do is talk and write about him.

i assume peter b's dealt with clones in his world already.

i'm also guessing he's a stay at home dad, simply bc of how complicated having a baby who can wallcrawl would be.

peter b has to be the halfway point in this fic. he's the original peter who dropped gwen, the source of this death curse. and he's the first spider-man to acknowledge that he does not have the answers as to how to deal with this problem.

peter and miles are still in contact. so everything gwen says here WILL get back to him.

one of the central problems with miles and gwen as a couple in the comics is that the relationship is based on the idea of gwen avoiding her problems by attaching herself to a guy, and miles pursuing gwen because she's a way to assimilate into respectable spider-man-ness. their awful date issue happened during a time where marvel was just throwing peter's leftovers at miles to try and make him stick. his leftover villains and rewarmed plotlines. and his old girlfriend.

recontextualized here: miles's crush was genuine to start, but it was still shallow. he barely knows her! he had a year and a half to project anything he wanted onto her, so what IS left at this point except for the aesthetic of her, in his mind? and then when he gets to the society, all he hears is 'you have to be just like peter', so he puts two and two together, and decides that he should get with gwen simply because it'll make him a more legitimate spider-man.

1048 miles is from the insomniac games. that uncanny valley video game model style would undoubtedly creep the spiderverse-animation-style characters out.

another mention of venom: he's one of the central antagonists of the upcoming ps5 game, and venom's going to show up in this fic soon, so you need to keep being reminded of that name.

interesting that miguel centers his canon theory on peter parker's history. one has to wonder what motivated it-- my guess, there are more peter-spider-men than anyone else, so he assumes they're closer to the ideal.

and miles, in the movies, in the game, in the comics, is always held up in comparison to peter. one would think 1610b miles would learn that if he hung out with his alt selves.

gwen very much is peter's sloppy seconds. that's the whole problem with gwiles. it only exists to shove miles's story full of elements that are unique to peter, rather than letting him find his own. if miles and gwen get together, he's still trying to be like peter.

siat salt: the basis of comics-miles's attraction to gwen is that he thinks she's hot, he likes that she has powers, and he enjoys the way his friends react to him overselling their tepid romance. literally, comics-miles sees gwen as a prize.

movie miles at least has an emotional connection with her... but that's not enough to overcome the lack of time spent together, or all the pressure on him to be like peter. his feelings for her are sincere, but the relationship would always be poisoned by those external factors.

itsv salt: gwen, peter b and miles aren't an equal trio. it's miles, his mentor, and the girl who will be his love interest. it's a ninety degree angle, not a triangle. gwen and peter b do not have a deep connection. they behave like coworkers, not friends.

during itsv, why is peter treating a 15-year-old girl like she's an adult when he's mentoring a 14-year-old boy so carefully?

and since gwen landed 'last week' how exactly was she not glitching harder than peter, who was only there for a few days?

... and where was she sleeping during that time? visions is a boarding school so crowded miles had to win a lottery to get in-- there aren't any beds available.

and why was she even at visions? miles wasn't even bitten yet. and there was a spider-hero with her exact powers, who she had days to reach out to, and didn't. because she was just hanging around a middle school for no reason.

(the reason: the writers wanted to set her up as miles's love interest. that's the entire purpose of her presence in itsv.)

and how does gwen not mention or seem affected by ripeter's death? he's a second peter parker who died on her watch, and this one was a spider like her, who she had all the time to reach out to.

it'd have made far more sense if gwen is introduced at the collider, collaborating with spider-man and trying to get home, but failing.

anyway. peter b absolutely failed gwen. he did not protect or mentor her in itsv, or after she joined the society. he's complicit in all the shit miguel and jess were doing to her. it had to be brought up.

and here, peter b realizes he fucked up.

the first gwen stacy hated spider-man. spider-gwen deserves that too.

"it's okay to be selfish" is right out of the comics. issue 4 of seanan mcguire's ghost-spider run. one of the most touching modern peter parker moments in years.

applied here to a peter who's been spider-man for almost thirty years, who has a family now, it's even more crucial. finding that balance is why he was able to last.

movie salt: a girl who keeps being ordered to give up her life and autonomy to serve the story of a guy discovering that she deserves to be selfish is essential. it's far more revolutionary and genre-busting than 'i should continue to be selfless, but this time For Miles instead of For Peter'

spider-man blue is an amazing comic about peter's connection to gwen. i read it to prep for this section and can't recommend it enough. that's where peter having a box of her stuff in his attic comes from.

it was the consensus of the writers of the original comics that mary jane was the better love interest than gwen. the plan was originally for peter and gwen to remain together, but the second mj appeared, they knew it was over and needed an excuse to get rid of her. her personality was a bigger hit with readers.

the tragedy of peter and gwen isn't that they didn't end up together-- it's that they didn't get to drift apart on their own terms.

peter b tells the truth: in chapter 1, he lied about his gwen being passed out to shield gwen from the uglier details. here, he's finally ready to admit what actually happened.

and he's the first spider-man (apart from hobie) who understands that gwen wants to know who his gwen was while she was alive.

616 gwen's defining feature isn't that she's pretty, though she is. it's that she's smart. she was as smart as peter, and she was a deeply kind girl who cared deeply about her friends and family. (she was also slightly bitchy at times, fwiw) and she was the one who decided to return to new york; peter didn't make her.

65 gwen IS a lot like her-- but here peter stops himself. because it shouldn't matter if they're similar. 65 gwen should be her own person too.

peter b's dad instincts finally function, and recognize gwen as one of His Kids. however, if he prevents gwen from going into this confrontation or tries to go in with her, then it's about him redeeming himself as a father figure and not her growing. it had to be shut down.

everything gwen tells peter will get back to miles.

peter b's hug is another bookend on chapter 1. now he actually holds her like she's alive, and like she's his kid.

miguel

gwen knows she's getting sent home. she just wants to see if she can get the spider-gwen info out of him and get him to let gayatri live.

she accidentally gave him the idea to use alternate gwens as placeholders. that's coming back.

gwen's death is the backbone of the multiverse. so many alternates and what-ifs exist around her death.

the first thing miguel does in atsv is fuck up a canon event scenario-- the captain's death.

how isn't gwen the original anomaly. if gwen's death is a canon event, and there's a spider-gwen running around two years before the collider exploded, something's fishy.

fandom salt: gwen is capable of thinking and feeling and doing things that don't involve miles

offscreen miles activity: his dad's captain, and projected to die soon. he's flipping his shit. someone told him about his anomaly status and earth-42, and he's catching on that this is bullshit too.

miles's arc in atsv is perfect. i wanted to preserve it, even if it's happening offscreen and slower, and without gwen.

margo and peter b are taking on that role here.

sorry movies, but gwen and miles's relationship can't break canon. it reinforces the idea that gwen can only be spider-man's girlfriend, and that miles has to be like peter parker.

hence why miguel's invested in it. the two loose ends are tied up.

on gwen's end, if she marries miles and has kids with him, the subversiveness of her story dies. she'll never be allowed to leave his shadow again and any attempt to do so will be demonized.

the married-with-kids ending for gwiles turns her into an object to make a man more impressive. the spider-man who saves his gwen, keeps her alive and reproduces with her is the most special one, after all. it's not about her. it's about him and his legacy. anyone who wants that ending for gwen is either naive to its consequences for her, totally indifferent to it, or they DO know, and part of the appeal of this outcome is taking an independent woman, clipping her wings, and turning her into a trophy.

(miles is the first. miguel is the latter.)

earth-8 gwen is presented in canon as one of the Best Outcomes for gwen. which, to the men who wrote that storyline, no. gwen's a queer punk girl who wants to play the drums, not get married, pump out a nuclear family and become a supercop. she loves her world so much that abandoning it would break her heart. it's not a perfect future for 65 gwen, it's a miserable one.

fic-gwen has just put that together. her first impulse was to hate gwen-8 because she assumed she's complicit in trying to force gwen to be like her. now she's putting together that she's also a victim to this larger system.

there are plenty of alt-spider gwens, but not very many with any distinguishing features. five were chosen to be featured here:

trn457: ultimate cartoon-- this gwen's a young teen who makes herself a hero with tech from her dad's robocop line, choosing to be a hero even when miles already is one, and not doing so to be his sidekick or partner.

trn684: marvel rising cartoon. a diet comics gwen, aged down for the grade schoolers her show is aimed at. she's a drummer, with a skimpier design, bolder hair, and this gwen, like movies-gwen didn't kill her male best friend (a... kevin), but is assumed to by the cops. she also has gliders!

trn-18157: the marvel action comics, aimed at younger readers, where gwen is one of a plucky reporter trio trio with miles and peter. just friends! imagine that!

trn-17628, marvel spider-man 2017 cartoon. peter, miles, gwen and anya are classmates at a school for genius teens who become spiders together. gwen and anya have a gay vibe here.

earth-8311. spider-guin. the pun is great. gwen still being flightless is hilarious.

atsv gwen's penguin stuffed animal is a reference to her. and that her pink hair's a nod to her marvel rising counterpart.

all the spider-gwens, despite being from separate canons, affect each other. gwen has pink hair because marvel rising gwen did. gwen's a drummer from e65 who lost peter because comics gwen is.... and because movie-gwen is being made into miles's girlfriend, other versions of spider-gwen will probably follow suit. synergy.

which is why the girlfriendification of gwen in these movies is so awful. it's going to spread.

marvel action and msm17 gwen were chosen specifically to show that it isn't required for gwen to be spider-man's girlfriend. it was always possible for her to be just friends with miles and peter.

gwen is a symbol to the society. look at how great we are, we even raised gwen from the dead and made her one of us. and her presence makes miguel seem all the more special for being the one who did it.

the vibe between gwen and miguel is murky and fascinating. he keeps her close but treats her poorly. her father was redesigned for the movie to look more like miguel, whose defining death is now his daughter, whose name starts with a g. he is very much her father figure.

yet there are also miguels who are romantically involved with their gwens. earth-187319 is real. points for gwen for literally choosing to incinerate herself instead of date him.

like peter b, gwen exists for miguel in this gray area between daughter and girlfriend. unlike peter b, miguel can't or won't recognize gwen as her own unique entity. i think even he isn't totally sure what to do with gwen; he's using her as a gabi-replacement goldfish, but he's also very aware of other miguels whose gwens served a different role.

in my mind, he's on the verge of crossing that line. makes for eerier interactions.

adherence to canon is slowly wrecking miguel too. everyone is a victim.

perfect gwen of earth-8 is what a male writer would think is the ideal future for gwen stacy. it's what a father would want for his daughter: for her to grow up pretty, smart, polite, enter a respectable job and surround herself with respectable people. for her to marry and have the right number of kids with the safe boy he approves of, who won't challenge the status quo.

so though perfect gwen has a lot to offer the society, she's really here to be an ideal for gwen to strive towards. there's nothing scarier for a father than watching his daughter grow up and become a complicated, flawed adult.

especially watching her seek out romantic and sexual connections he doesn't approve of.

being the daughter archetype doesn't give you any more freedom or protection than being the lover.

miguel only thinks gwen's special because he's the one that protected her. it's still all about him.

and of COURSE the way gwen's punished in atsv is being sent to another male figure for punishment. it's always about which man is currently in control of gwen.

comic-gwen's most effective male villains are men who want to control, influence and own her or punish her for not using her power (... her body) in ways they approve of. just like in the comics, gwen is pressed into joining a shady organization led by a man whose name starts with the letter m (miguel, murdock) who holds her power at arms length unless she performs services for him, and has a skeevy vibe with her.

and yes, comics gwen beat the shit out of him.

'gwen yeets miguel' was the only note i had for this section in my outline.

the one person who'll do something about gwen's death is coming next chapter.

bringing back the red. and a mention of something dangerous. that's coming back too.

punching up is the answer. she's finally figured that out.

she's on her way to hobie.

another serendipitous moment: if 616 gwen stayed in london, she'd have survived. and look at that, along comes a londoner spider-man who's the only one working to secure her freedom, and who wants her to have self-definition and agency. it's too perfect.

closer quote

from jason latour's radioactive spider-gwen. this is the moment gwen-617 calls the watcher on his shit for trying to force 65 gwen to be with miles to produce the earth-8 timeline, for mocking her female supporting cast, for being angry that getting venomized didn't turn gwen into a villain. in short, for demanding she fit into a neat little box instead of become her own character.

and in context here, it refers to miguel, not being able to handle the thought of a gwen not fitting into her preconceived box.

[fangirleaconmigo]

I've decided to listen to the audio books of the Witcher series via my library's app while I finish up a big quilt for my sister's christmas gift. I feel bad for skipping the first book in the publishing order, but they're short stories and there's like 14 people ahead of me for checking out The Last Wish. I'm enjoying Sword of Destiny so far, as well as the narrator (Peter Kenny). I'm usually so picky with narrators due to sensory issues, but he does a distinct voice for every character so it's easier to keep track of who's speaking. It makes the work I'm putting into the quilt go by faster, especially since I gotta redo some parts because it won't fit into the quilt otherwise. If it's the same narrator for every audio book, I'm probably going to enjoy the series this way since I've always got a project to work on and television is too distracting for me. Thank you for getting me into these books, I've always enjoyed your fics and hearing your opinions on the franchise!

ooooo you can quilt? I have always wanted to be able to do that. I think about the quilts my gran used to make and I want one. Also, what a good sister.

I have the books in physical form now, but I did the same as you. I adore audiobooks because yes, you can do crafting and such, and also I regress to childhood when my sister used to read to me and it's one of the times I remember feeling the happiest and most safe. I get them from the library and yes there is always a wait for me too! I'm also very picky about narrators and will listen for like thirty seconds and turn it off if I don't like them.

Peter Kenny is great. There are some voices he does where I'm like....eehhhh. Like when Dandelion first comes on the scene your'e like....are you serious? He seems to calm down with that voice later, though. And sometimes the women voices are just a taaaaaaad too breathy for my taste. But the thing is, his Geralt is so fabulous, and his acting is soo good that I just enjoy myself so much listening to him.

And thank you for saying that about my fics. I feel so much gratitude when people say things like that. It still feels slightly miraculous that I can put my little words from my heart out into the world, and strangers I will probably never meet read them and connect with them.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

The latest chapter fully has made me lose my brain. You were right the Job and Daisy buddy cop jamboree IS the best. And that conversation between Tim and Jon?? Man. So much going on and so much going on just beneath the surface. Love the way Tim guilty thinks back to what Elias said about everyone using Jon, and love the way that is kinda what he's doing. Also love the way he *knows* something awful has happened but he doesn't want to dig into it because he doesn't want to risk pulling someone aboard Danny and his already sinking lifeboat. He can't afford to care. SO fascinating.

Also unrelated but were there a way to anonymously send you fanart (to prevent the off chance of someone I know irl finding my blog lol) you would be swimming in fanart. Because hoo-boy. Anyways love the chapter!!

Ahh thank you for your kind words!

Legitimately i cannot put into words how much fun i find the daisy and jon buddy cop jamboree. they're both so insane and chaotic. I have so many Shenanigans in my head that the two of them have committed over the years of their partnership that will probably never make it into nhthcth on account of it not being relevant to the plot. they're just such a fun dynamic. jon won't stop buying daisy stuff for her home renovations on elias's personal credit card. she's like 10-15 years older than him and they do everything together. sometimes that's killing the eldritch manifestation of violence and sometimes that's bottomless mimosa brunch billed directly to peter lukas. daisy went from violently fucking hating this guy to spending almost every single day with him and going on multiple vacations with him and no one understands why. they're so funny to me. I want them to have a wwdits style tv crew following them around at all times.

See i LOVE tim as a character because he's a genuinely good guy but he's also not without his own limitations and he has been shown to have like, an ability to recognize and accept when he can't change something.

Tim's instinct is to help. Like, he went back for Jon and Martin and literally carried Jon through the Jane Prentiss attack. At the Unknowing, when they were planting explosives, he was trying to convince everyone to let him try to save the victims of the ritual that were still alive. He's really, genuinely good, and he wouldn't have been like those people in the Institute who turned a blind eye to Jon growing up because he was worried about his job.

But he also has limits. Like, season 3, his anger overrode basically everything else, and when Sasha disappeared after the Season 2 finale, he wasn't trying to find her. Martin was sitting there begging Daisy to bring her home safe, and Tim, who was shown to be closer with her than anyone, had already given into a grim acceptance that she was dead and there was nothing to be done.

It was the same thing with Helen--when Martin and Tim were wandering Michael's corridors, they saw Helen trapped inside. Martin kept insisting that they should have helped her, and Tim completely shut it down, because he had this very bitter understanding that they couldn't help her, so stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. He didn't fight it; he accepted it; he did not try because of it.

Tim's a good person, but he's distinct from some others in the cast by the fact that 1) he will look at the practical realities they're living in and (bitterly) accept them, and 2) he's got some things that will override and take priority when he makes decisions.

Danny is and always will be the number one override for him. Like, we get so little on them in canon, but what happened to Danny seems to haunt Tim right to the end. Tim upended his entire life trying to find the thing that killed his brother. When we get the Statement on what happened, we find out that Tim is still searching all these years later, even if he did get a bit comfortable and complacent over time. Like, he can cite offhand the last statement given regarding a circus. He's still pulling all the books on Circuses. He never let go of what happened to his brother, even though he accepted (for lack of a better term) what happened to Sasha before he knew what happened to her and before she was declared dead. Danny had been gone for years by the finale, but Tim went to his death so he could kill the thing that took him away.

So Tim in nhthcth is in this huge phase of major internal conflict right now, because every single one of his major pillars of decision-making are in conflict.

Danny's his ultimate override. He's the thing that makes Tim not give a shit about anything else--everything has to fall away to Danny making through this alive. Unlike Tim in canon, he actually has a chance to save Danny. Canon Tim was willing to die over his brother's fate--a Tim that has a chance to save his brother will go so much farther.

But he's still someone who is able to clock when something's completely and utterly fucked. And Tim is the best situated out of everyone in the cast save Jon to understand how dire these circumstances actually are.

Danny's in little brother baby jail. He's spending all day trying to wriggle information out of Mike because Tim's pitching a bitch fit every time he tries to leave the apartment, and Jon doesn't even want Tim there, let alone Danny. He's playing Uno with Mike and trying to subtly slide in "hahah hey for the sake of conversation do you happen know of any like. evil contract breaking powers." He's trapped in that John Mulaney bit of eating triscuits and asking someone if they had ever seen a ghost. Thoughts and prayers for Danny.

Martin and Sasha's priorities are different from Tim, and the information they're looking at is different. Sasha, especially--she's chasing the contract, not the circus, and she's in such a state of paranoia that she's trying to rely on information that comes from her, not anyone else. She's not been exploring the Statements or been learning about the supernatural world the way he has.

For the most part, this happened off camera, so to speak, but it's been discussed multiple times that Tim's been tearing through everything that he thinks can help him understand what's going on and how to stop the thing after his brother. He's going through the library, he's reading all the Statements he can. He's been trying to get practical experience via tagging along with Jon, which keeps getting stymied, so he goes back to the library and the Statements.

Which means he goes to the Archives every day and struggles against the dawning realization that what they're trying to do just does not happen. He reads the Statements, and people either die, or they are let go, or they become the monster themselves. Options one, two, and three. And the vast majority are people who die horrible fucking deaths--or, worse, don't get the mercy of death. He has been spending every day desperately trying to find a Statement of normal schmucks like him and his brother beating something determined to finish their meal and going back to their normal lives, and they just aren't there.

Tim in Season 2 and 3 most consistently displayed an understanding that the supernatural was not something they could beat. People just get eaten by monsters, and that's their lives now. Nhthcth Tim has been getting that same horrible, dawning certainty of "This is a fight I have no chances of winning" with the immediate follow up of "But it's Danny. I have to."

Which makes him painfully conscious of the fact that he cannot afford to be a good person right now.

Because the thing is? Danny should have died in the theatre, as far as he's aware, and Tim knows it. He should have never even made it home that night. You don't get out on your own--these things let you go. Even if he somehow made it out on his own, Breekon & Hope should have been able to drag him back easily. He should already be dead. Tim knows it with a devastating certainty.

And he also knows that the only reason why he isn't is because Jon has been paying the cost of keeping him alive.

Danny getting out of that theatre cost him his skin. Mike protecting him? Cost Jon a food source, and apparently is going to probably get him tossed off a building down the line. Getting Elias as a backstop ended with Jon having to start taking live statements again and letting assistants down. Hell, Jon has to fucking escort him to and from Mike's every single day, because Tim may just get picked up by Breekon & Hope if he doesn't.

Tim's painfully aware that Jon’s well-being and Danny’s have a negative correlation right now. He is so uncomfortably aware that he's borderline sacrificing Jon's wellbeing for his brother's, and he's accepted that basically using Jon is the only way he has of getting Danny through this alive. It goes against his nature, he's a good person who doesn't want to hurt someone else for his own benefit, but he'll keep doing it for Danny.

And he knows that's going to be a lot harder to do if he gets to know Jon.

Out of all of the assistants, Tim actually has some of the greatest suspicions of how deeply wrong things are. Like, Martin saw how bad Jon got as a kid, but Tim’s been exclusively privy to Elias’s manipulative bullshit in a way the other two haven’t. He never got fed the lie of Jon being Elias's spoiled and beloved ward. His first introduction to this mess was Jon saving their asses several times over, and it has been nonstop red flags since then. One of the first thing that Jon tells him is that he hates being called Jonathan, and it's all Elias calls him. Jon turned into a nervous, frantic mess at the idea of assistants, and Elias has been trying to force it for years. He was sarcastic in the face of clown death, but actively scared at the possibility of Elias coming down. Jon cannot be reminded that man exists without launching into insults so creative that Tim almost feels like he should write them down for reference.

Tim spends more time with Jon than anyone out of the cast. He’s walking to and from work with him every day, spending time with him at mikes and at the archives, and the way Jon behaves fucking terrifies him. Both in a “your life is a spooky nightmare” kind of way and in a “you act like the aftermath of a tragedy” kind of way. He knows somethings deeply fucking wrong with Jon.

And he’s also genuinely honest about liking Jon. He doesn't like him the way Danny does, per se. Jon simply enchants Danny. Danny wants this man in his life forever. He wants to be roommates with him. He wants to go on a roadtrip with him. He is the world's most interesting man to Danny and Danny has never wanted to be best friends with someone so badly in his life. He's hilarious, a good person, and every single thing that comes out of his mouth is the absolute fucking wildest thing he has ever heard in his life. They fucking booked it from a monster clown together through a nightmare eldritch theatre together, which is the start of an epic friendship if Danny has ever heard one.

Jon’s a big “if only” to tim. Jon’s funny and kind and they get on great. Tim thinks that if they had met and Jon had just been Danny’s friend that he dragged home with him, he’d love being this guys pseudo older brother or something. But he’s clocked the situation, he’s figured out that Jon’s world is not something you can stay just out of the sightline of. It’s cut all ties or be eaten. So Tim’s already read the writing on the wall, made the mental calculation, and realized at the end of this, if they get out, he’s going to have to look the guy who saved their asses at his own expense in the eye and tell him they’re abandoning him forever. Thanks for the rescue that was costly to you in unspeakable ways, please never contact us ever again.

Tim needs Danny out, alive, and everything he’s seen and read has led him to a not unreasonable understanding that that’s going to require using and abandoning Jon as an absolute best case scenario. That’s weighs unbearably heavy on his conscious when Jon’s someone he likes and is actively worried about. If he knew the truth? It would be impossible.

[wetbloodworm]

i forgot i was going to make a post on what i know about cian b/c he's not a very developed character and i want to lay everything out to see what's there. so here's the cian post

the obvious one: this boy is irish

i don't think i ever figured out where in ireland he's from? i don't know enough about ireland. obviously anyone can be from anywhere and this doesn't matter too much but i like to know these things

wait found an old post, i guess he's from galway?

he has two older brothers (shea and flynn) and one younger brother (eamon)

eamon dies young in gta au but i think that's the only au where he eats it. otherwise he's fine

cian's got 2 nephews via shea and a third nephew (lyle) via his cousin grant

he's not super close to shea and flynn, he's real close with eamon, and pretty close with grant

cian's parents divorce when he's a teenager. his dad kinda sucks and they don't maintain much of a relationship after the divorce.

his mom moves to the states with eamon and cian to live with her sister

they move to the st louis metro area. i should know where specifically but even though i lived there most of my life i don't know the area GREAT. i can just make him live in st. peters where i grew up. send him to my high school while i'm at it, why the fuck not. go bulldogs or whatever

cian's family situation can vary depending on the au, since sometimes arthur is his brother with kyle being his nephew. cian's age in relation to others also varies based on this.

his age is so nebulous to me in general lmao

in some AUs, cian is a doctor! mostly gta au. only gta au? i think only gta au

i don't have a profession in mind for him outside of that so maybe that's his default? idk if i'm ready to commit to that though. the only other au i can think of where he has a distinct role is firefly au where he's the pilot so that's another option.

cian loves dogs and has a hideous crested terrier named kevin. kevin is a well-behaved sweet little dog who loves to sleep and he's just so ugly.

oh god. do i know anything else about cian.

he's careful about his alcohol intake b/c alcoholism runs in his family and he's wary about that.

he just swears so much

he's a pacifist

he was raised catholic and kinda still is, mostly he considers himself christian vs catholic specifically. he always wears a crucifix necklace his grandma gave him but usually tucks it under his shirt.

he's one of my very few allocishet characters. gotta sprinkle them in there sometimes

he's a very positive force and just a good boy

i think that's it??

[whimsicaldragonette]

Audio ARC Review: Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy: No Guts, No Glory by M.K. England

Order

Add to Goodreads

Publication Date: November 2, 2021

Synopsis:

The official prequel novel to Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy, the hotly anticipated action-adventure game developed by Eidos-Montréal and published by Square Enix. Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Racoon and Groot. They’re the Guardians of the Galaxy, turning a tidy profit as heroes for hire—or, they will be if Peter Quill can get his act together. After he botches the most critical part of their latest mission—getting paid—his newly assembled crew is close to ditching him for good. Now he needs a big payday, fast. When an old acquaintance shows up offering a whole lot of units for a field trip to Peter’s past, it’s a no-brainer. Thirteen years ago, Peter fought the Chitauri alongside the Resistance on Mercury to prevent an invasion of Earth. Now it’s time to go back. The old Resistance base has a squatter, and it’s up to the Guardians to ‘gently escort’ them off the premises… and unmask a wartime traitor while they’re at it. But war is heavy, man, and the Galactic War screwed up each of the Guardians in their own special ways. The brand-new team is barely hanging together, and the mission brings up all kinds of bad memories. It’s make or break time for the Guardians, and they do so love breaking things… Just hopefully not each other.

My Rating: ★★

*My Review below the cut

My Review:

I somehow missed the “official prequel to the blockbuster video game” on the cover of this. As I haven’t played the game, I think I am missing key details that would make me care more about the events within the book. Additionally, I haven’t seen the Guardians of the Galaxy and related Marvel movies (just the trailers) — which means I’m missing a LOT of key details and most importantly, the characters’ canon personalities and interactions. I requested this solely because I have loved everything MK England has written and I assumed I would love this as well, despite not being familiar with the franchise. I have read other books and fanfictions of franchises I am unfamiliar with and loved them in the past. However this… missed the mark for me. I liked the plot all right, but I didn’t really care about any of the characters. Additionally, it was confusing with the way it was structured. It is divided into sections that alternate between the present and the past, 12 years earlier. I listened to the audio, which made it very difficult to flip back and check whether I was in the present or the past. I think the confusion stemmed mostly mostly from the fact that both feature Peter getting into scrapes, fighting for his life, etc but with a different set of crewmates each time. The characters weren’t distinct enough for me to easily tell which scenario I was in sometimes, especially with similar battle scenes and running from the enemy scenes in each. Also they were all — especially Peter AKA Star Lord — a little annoying. He was very much a bumbling fool who is eternally optimistic and somehow always comes out on top while everything and everyone around him falls to pieces and I’m not really a fan of that character type. I was into it, but not really, I guess? Like I cared enough to keep listening, but not enough to choose to listen over doing/reading other things. I actually listened to half of this and then put it down for eight months and by the time I decided to give it a second chance, I’d forgotten enough details that I had to start over from the beginning. This should have made it easier to tell whether I was in the present or past in any given scene, but they still blurred together for me. I realized eventually that I was having trouble distinguishing between Gamora (present) and Ko-Rel (past) in their interactions with Peter. At 80% in I can’t really tell you the point of it all. Things keep happening but they don’t make any impact on me. I’m in the midst of the plot twist / confrontation with the enemy and I think I’m going to put it down again because I have other things to read that will hopefully hold my attention more. I think this would go over well with fans of the movies and games franchises as well as those who like an emphasis on space action/battle scenes and not so much character development. The narrator was fairly good and did a decent job giving the characters different voices (except for some of his female voices which were difficult to tell apart, possibly contributing to my confusion.) I found his voice a bit on the annoying side, though I don’t know how much of it was his voice and how much of it was his voicing of Peter as the POV character (who I also found annoying). He also tended toward the dramatic, but that’s understandable given the amount of battles and narrow escapes and arguments between the (very dysfunctional) characters. *Thanks to NetGalley and Dreamscape Media (Marvel) for providing an audio arc for review.

[cassianus]

Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you girded yourself and walked where you would; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and lead you where you do not wish to go.

These words, addressed to Peter by the Sea of Tiberius, were prophetic; they described what faith in Jesus would cost this fisherman from Galilee. Peter would indeed be led where he did not want to go. He would be martyred - pinned to the Cross for his Lord.

Yet, as significant as this is in itself, we must strive understand that these words are also meant for us. For they describe, quite simply, what it means to be a Christian. We are to be those who are led by Another - One who girds us, binds us, takes hold of our hearts with His love and leads us where we do not wish to go. As Christians, we must stretch out our hands like Peter for Love - that is, we must die to self and live for Christ alone.

Now, this was not always true for Peter. In his youth, our Lord tells him, you "girded yourself and walked where you would." Peter had shaped, formed and built a personality. He was a self-made man with a distinct character of his own. He had been master of his own destiny; shaping his lifestyle, developing his career as a fisherman, choosing his own direction.

To live for Christ alone would not be easy for Peter. Our Lord wanted total commitment. Three times He asked Peter, "Do you Love me?" The word Jesus used for love was Agape; it is a love that demands a complete response, a complete gift of self. Jesus wanted Peter to love him unreservedly - - without limits, without conditions - to live for him and him alone.

Peter, however, still held on to a spirit of self-ownership and self-determination. Each time he responded to Jesus' question, "Yes, Lord I love you." But each time he changed the word from Agape to Philos. "Yes, Lord", Peter said, "I have great affection for you, I hold you in great esteem, I consider you the dearest of friends." Jesus asked for everything, and Peter, contrary to appearances, responded, "No! That's too much."

How similar we are to Peter. We openly profess our faith in Jesus. Theoretically, we accept him as our Lord and Savior. Without hesitation, we even turn to him in our needs and our sorrows. Yet, like Peter, we are also afraid that if we give all that we have and are to Jesus, we will find ourselves wanting and impoverished. We believe that if we live for him and him alone, we will be less than human. We cling desperately to a false autonomy that offers us nothing, and spurn the very love that offers us everything.

Our Lord wants total commitment. Every Sunday he asks us: "Do you love me." And when we receive the Eucharist we respond: "Yes, Lord, I love you. I give myself to you completely; withholding nothing from you as you have withheld nothing from me." We should know and consider well what we are doing. Every week we make a vow of love and this love is consummated when we receive our Lord's body and blood. The marriage, the union here, is so complete, that we are one with Him. And from this moment - - Love must do the leading. Our lives must be reflective of the reality we celebrate and have embraced - - otherwise we live a lie, and eat and drink to our own condemnation.

[venusdeluxe]

I'm freed from Twitter, here's the Spider-Man No Way Home review I wrote when it first came out. It's so stupidly long.

I don't really know what started my love for Spider-Man. I can't even remember where I first learned about him, it just feels like he's always been a part of my life. I watched the cartoons, all the movies, I got any game I saw with Spider-Man on it at the store, I had a Spider-Girl toy that I thought was just Spider-Man, but it was actually Mayday Parker the whole time and I didn't notice. Point is, I really love this character and it feels like I always have. As a fan I also like to find the positives in all of his movies, even if I greatly dislike them. All that is to say that I am incredibly biased, this movie means a lot to me and I don't think any other singular character could give me the kinda experience I got from this film (except maybe a Star Wars movie). I absolutely loved it. Even as "pandering" as it might seem with how much of it is about bringing things over from previous incarnations of the character that people feel really nostalgic for, I think No Way Home uses those elements to really great effect. It's clever, it says something about the core of Peter Parker, and it teaches this younger Peter a lot. It's hilarious, it's painful, it's exciting, and it feels so… sincere. (I'm gonna be using that word a lot).

It's kinda hard to hold it in for too long, so I just have to get it out. There's three Spider-Men in this movie, the big three live-action Spideys finally coming together. Holy shit. Tobey and Andrew jump straight from the worlds of Sam Raimi and Mark Webb into the MCU, bringing their own flavors and personalities, but still feeling like they've grown since we last saw them. Tobey is of course older, a bit wiser, and pretty mellowed out, polite and quite positive. Andrew is still bitter from what happened with Gwen and admits he let his anger get to him more after that event, but here he still brings a lot of love, charm, fun and sarcasm into the movie. They really shine once they enter the scene, and it doesn't feel like they're purely here to get paid.

Andrew's line before the final battle, saying he always wanted brothers, really stood out to me personally. It made me smile so hard. I don't think it was meant to invoke this specifically, but it reminded me of Peter's clones in the comics, Ben Reilly and Kaine, who sorta become Peter's brothers. And I think that kind of brotherly dynamic was the perfect way to pull this off. I was very skeptical of the idea to bring the three Spideys together when the initial rumors started to circulate, thinking that it wouldn't work as well as Into the Spider-Verse did with all of its distinct Spiders. Since then I’ve warmed up to the idea, and my god seeing it for myself was truly magic. The banter between the three Peters in this movie really gives that brotherly vibe. There's such a sincere love that develops between them in the short time they have together as they bond over shared traumas and desires and weird experiences as superheroes. Tobey and Andrew have felt all the same things that Tom is feeling during their first meeting, soon after Aunt May's death, and they serve more of a purpose in the film by helping him through it, and not just being there to fight in the finale. I also love the moment where Andrew calls himself lame after Tobey and Tom talk about how they've fought aliens, and Tobey backs up and repeats to him that he's not lame, he's amazing, even trying to get Andrew to say it to himself. They're all so supportive of each other, it's really great. And their last hug made my heart absolutely flutter. It's just so… sincere!! And sweet! I feel like there aren't enough hugs in superhero movies. They're brothers, they love each other, and it feels like they were destined to be brought together one day. It's beautiful. Their brotherly bond makes me wanna see them stay together forever, but of course Tobey and Andrew must return to their lives. If they all come back in Across/Beyond the Spider-Verse, I will cry.

Speaking of Into the Spider-Verse, it is certaintly easy to compare this movie to that as another multiversal Spider-Man film. They do share that aspect, but they are so completely different that I can't really compare them. Into the Spider-Verse was an origin story for Miles Morales, while also being all about the Spider-Man identity as a whole and what it stands for, the idea that anyone can be Spider-Man. It's why Miles was such an effective protagonist for that story. No Way Home shrinks that lens and focuses soley Peter Parker (three of him even!), and the kind of struggles that often define his career. It's not exactly an origin story in the same way, but a continuation of a character we've already seen plenty of times. It's about his on-screen legacy and all the things that bring these three distinct adaptations together, while pushing our newest and youngest iteration to his absolute limits and beyond. The movie does a lot of work to "fix" some of the issues people have expressed about Tom's version of the character, but to me it never actively feels like that's what it's doing. It feels like a natural progression for him, and a transition into a newer, darker and more mature stage in his life as he enters adulthood and takes on new responsibilities. While none of us have faced circumstances as fantastical as Peter does in this movie, the ending gives off a feeling I can relate to. When you enter that next stage in life, like leaving high school to go to college or get a job, you often drift apart from people who were once so close to you. It hurts, and for someone like me it's difficult to let people go, but it's a part of growing up. You grow away from people, and that's natural as sad as it might sound. That's not exactly what happens here, there are supernatural causes for Peter drifting away from Ned and MJ, but it invokes that feeling which grounds it in reality for me. And even then, there's still hope left for a future rekindling of these relationships if you look closely and see the Black Dahlia necklace Peter bought for MJ in Far From Home still hanging around her neck. You can drift apart from people, but you might still find them again further down the road. For now though, Peter has been given a fresh start, a fresh suit and a new apartment where he can start to rebuild his life, and continue being Spider-Man. Even after all the pain it's brought him, he can never forget the lessons taught by his family, his mentors, and his brothers. As long as he wields great power, he must always be responsible with it, and by the end he's given a second chance to take on that responsibility and take on his duties while protecting the people he loves the most.. The events that lead down this path started in Far From Home when he forgot that lesson, and this movie guarantees that it'll stay forever. He feels like a truly tragic character now, which is made so painful because they've actively made him so likable and charming and adorable in all his previous appearences. We met him in such a young and innocent state, and Tom's Peter has been defined by that innocence and optimism much more than Tobey and Andrew ever were, so seeing where this movie leads him just pains the soul. But it's good! As much as I think people exaggerate how miserable Peter's life should be, tragedy has always been a part of it, and I think this movie does that very well while not letting it make the whole thing a downer of an experience. It's still so fun and exciting, while giving all the tragic beats the room they need to breath. It's a delicate balance that I think is handled with a lot of care, more than many other MCU films.

The first bit of the movie has the same kinda tone as Homecoming and Far From Home which eventually takes a turn into darkness and tragedy, but again it doesn't feel like total whiplash, it feels like a transition. The movie takes all the neccessary steps to get us from that John Hughes fun to the darker new reality. I think in addition to the classic "great power" mantra, the ending embodies an important line from Spider-Man 2 said by Aunt May, and that Peter repeats to Doc Ock. "Sometimes to do what's right we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams". I'm honestly surprised that wasn't one of the lines they referenced since it is so applicable, but either way I think it's fitting that the words of two Aunt Mays feel so central to this movie's ultimate conclusion.

Going back to Into the Spider-Verse, another thing that seperates these two is No Way Home's focus on Spidey baddies of the past. ITSV certaintly attempts to give Kingpin a sympathic backstory and motivation for doing what he's doing and is otherwise jam-packed with classic Spidey foes, but it still isn't really about the villains in the same way No Way Home is. This movie is all about saving them, redeeming them, and getting them home. It's like a twist on ITSV's plot to get all the Spideys home, with NWH adding an extra layer to that. One of the biggest conflicts in the movie is the disagreement between Doctor Strange and Spider-Man on how to handle them. Spider-Man desperately wants to cure them and send them home safely and alive, while Strange is rigid in his belif that their only destiny is to die. It's such a smart and Spider-Man-y way to deal with this multiverse drama. I don't think anyone watching the ending of Far From Home expected it to lead to this sorta multiversal madness, but they really make it work anyway.

And as we're talking about villains… Green Goblin. Holy shit. He's not really in that much of the movie, but he is a god damn demon in the time he has. Breaking the mask early on was a smart idea I feel, as it opens Willem Dafoe up to really shine even brighter than previously as Green Goblin, letting us see every bonkers expression on his beautiful face. When Goblin takes over he becomes so insanely sinister, in a way that only Willem could pull off this well, and it is so god damn entertaining. He's clearly having a great time playing the role, and it's really makes him stand out among other MCU villains (besides the fact that he's literally from another franchise). I think he's the perfect villain for this movie. He's the perfect challenge for Peter's desire to save the villains since the Goblin persona is so cruel, and evil, and heartless. Doc Ock, Electro and Lizard aren't exactly the nicest guys when they're in villain mode and they're quite resistant to the idea of being "cured", but they're nothing compared to the pure evil that Norman's alter ego showcases. It really adds to the feeling that the whole world is against Peter. Strange, the general public, the media, and even the people he's trying to save with Goblin going as far as killing our dear Aunt May. And it makes Peter really doubt his whole mission in the movie, and the wise words of his aunt. Goblin doesn't wanna just kill Spider-Man, he wants to twist him. He wants to push him over the edge, just like he tried to in his original appearence, and he gets even closer to that goal in this movie leading to one of my favorite moments of the film. After Spidey and Goblin's raw final brawl, Peter is ready to just murder him with his own glider, way more directly than when Tobey just dodged out of the way. And right at the last second, Tobey catches it. No dialogue, no music, just a knowing look from Tobey to Tom, as Tom's Peter relents and lowers the glider. Tobey saves Tom from completing his dark path, and makes up for one of his biggest regrets by saving Norman and allowing a new timeline to be created without the fallout between Peter and Harry. It's such a great moment, Tobey's eyes alone manage to say so much. Absolutely powerful.

The previous two Spidey movies have had very strong villains in my opinion, soaring a lot higher than many of the other boring grey villains in the rest of the MCU. Michael Keaton's Vulture has personally been my favorite since Homecoming came out, and Jake Gyllenhaal's Mysterio was insanely entertaining in Far From Home once the twist happens, with his presence looming over this film as his final illusion lays ruin upon Peter’s life. I was very much looking forward to another new baddie in this one before we started hearing about all the old ones coming back, which felt a little disappointing at the time. But as much as I would've liked to see Kraven or Michael Mando's Scorpion finally enter the picture, I was still very happy to see how the returning foes were handled here. Films like Spider-Man 3 and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 have often been criticized for having too many villains to deal with at once, and it very much was a worry that this movie would face that same problem tenfold. We now have 5 villains in one movie, more than the two other movies I just mentioned, but No Way Home manages to pull it off incredibly well. That might in part have something to do with them all being returning villains of course, we've met these guys before and we know their history so they don't need to dedicate as much time to setting them up, but it could still easily feel very crowded anyway. But as I said before, the villains are a major focus of this film and I think that's the key that really makes it work. It's all centered around them, it's all about the debate on what to do with them and if their fates are truly sealed. They're all shown to not be truly rotten to their cores, there are people underneath those scales and lightning bolts and sand particles that deserve redemption and a second chance at life. It's kinda beautiful in a way, atleast to me. I love a good save the villains plot, and it's part of what makes this movie feel so… quintessentially Spider-Man. I think it's also part of what makes this movie feel so sincere to me. Despite the high drama and tragic tone it doesn't feel pessimistic, atleast not to me. There's a fight for hope happening. Peter is going way out of his way to rescue these guys and get them home safely, fueled by the words from his aunt, when he could so easily just do as Strange tells him and solve the problem for himself way quicker. I really think it's something beautiful.

I just have to take one paragraph to talk about the death of Aunt May. This isn't the first time I've had to see her die, but I cried just as much this time. I don't know how to even begin to describe my feeling about it. I really love Aunt May, every iteration of her brings something new to the table, but she is still always so warm and morally strong. As important as Uncle Ben is to Peter going down the path to becoming Spider-Man, it's Aunt May who consistantly takes the role of being Peter's northstar. And while she hasn't had a big role in the previous two MCU films, she is incredibly important in No Way Home. More than ever, she is Peter's moral compass and her teachings drive Peter for the rest of the movie and changes his life forever. If he is to truly become Spider-Man, he has to come to the terms with the fact that his powers give him a responsibility to do good by other people, and to do that he has to make some sacrifices. He can't have it both ways, if he wants to clean up his mess he has to give up some of the things he wants the most. That doesn't have to mean absolutely no one can ever know he's Spider-Man, but it does mean that he can't shift his responsibilities onto others like he tried to do with Mysterio. He can't be wreckless, and that is what I think is the most important lesson from May's death. God I cried so hard.

I think No Way Home might have my favorite performance of Spider-Man that anyone has given on the big screen. Tom Holland hits every beat perfectly. He's always been incredibly charming in the role, and I think he's always put in a good performance in the moments that have required him to get serious and sad and scared, but as this script turns the drama up to 11 he keeps up with it all the way. He's goofy and mischievous, he's furious and sad, he's scared and unsure, he capture so many sides of Spider-Man so, so well, I absolutely love watching him. Tom Holland's version of Spider-Man has been deeply personal for me. When Spider-Man Homecoming came out I was the exact same age as Peter was in the movie, which strengthened my connection to him and his daily struggles even more, and quickly made it my favorite Spider-Man movie. And now here we are, at the end of the trilogy, and I am once again in a similar place to Peter as I prepare myself to move on to the next stage of my life, which is one of the reasons this movie once again feels as personal as Homecoming did all those years ago. The tone is entirely different from where the trilogy started, but there are so many heart breaking connections back to the beginning and overall I think this is an amazing trilogy capper. It's been a wild ride for MCU Spider-Man, in his own movies and beyond, and after No Way Home I can say with more confidence than ever that he is my favorite Spider-Man of all time.

I can't keep rambling on, and I can't touch on every single moment I loved and every character that I adored, so I think I have to just end it here. Overall… god I wish I didn't have to wait so long to see this after everyone else was storming the theaters, but I am so happy it's finally in my brain. I adore this movie, I absolutely love it. It's kinda hard for me to not place it as my number 1 Spidey movie and MCU movie. Is it recency bias? Did the nostalgia bait get me? I don't know, and I do not care. This is everything I could've wanted it to be and so much more. It's everything I love about this character, everything I love about the MCU's incarnation of him and it ends with so much room for future stories from new creators. I can't wait to watch this over and over again in the future. I should've edited this down, but fuck it. You can't control me and I can't control my emotions. So with that, I'm just going to list a couple short bullet points of stuff I liked.

MJ absorbing Peter's optimism as his mind is shrouded in darkness is such a beautiful thing, it makes their relationship feel even stronger and their goodbye even more heartbreaking. I cried so god damn much. Also, I love Ned. Whenever a fun and goofy supporting character makes you cry, that shit is POWERFUL. AND THIS IS THE SECOND TIME HE'S DONE IT! FIRST IN ENDGAME, NOW AT THE END OF NO WAY HOME! And then they show how Peter kept his Lego Palpatine, the first thing we saw of Ned in Homecoming. God, my heart is just broken.

Michael Giacchino is a god amongst men, and he steps up his game tenfold from his previous two Spider-Scores which were already excellent on their own. What an absolute fucking genius.

The apartment fight between Spidey and Goblin is amazing, and that is all I have to say about it.

And with all that, I think I've said enough. This movie is great, and they should PUT SPOT IN THE NEXT ONE, THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!!

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

.

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

.

Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

.

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

[elvendorx]

This isn't a question, but... the more I see your posts the more James/Sirius makes sense and the less I ship Wolfstar. The posts you write/share are so lovely and poignant

ah thank you! I love finding james/sirius posts and so many of them are perfect. I don’t engage with wolfstar and I’ve given myself the mission of pushing the james/sirius agenda on tumblr so my blog very much amplfies the james/sirius bias (and i’m glad it’s working!). 

I think it’s definitely one of those no-going-back, once-you-see-it-you-can’t-unsee-it ships. I was big into jily back in the day and wolfstar was sometimes a sidepairing for that but since getting into james/sirius (10 years ago) i cannot read those pairings at all, which is probably quite extreme because I know a lot of people enjoy james and sirius paired with each other as well as other characters but i can’t see room for anyone else

they are so fundamental to each others’ characters and what we know of both characters as much as they’re distinct and discernable as individuals, meeting a kid on the first day of school and trusting him with your life ten years later is huge. how can you not be shaped and changed enormously by a strong, instantaneous, extremely trusting and tolerant bond like that?

as much as I believe both of them in canon valued remus and peter and later lily, i think they were always each other’s #1, always the person they each trust the most and i absolutely believe that they viewed themselves two parts of a whole, or part of the same soul (insert heartbreaking wuthering heights quote). they’re soulmates, essentially.

what we hear of them in the books constantly pushes them as a pair separate of their foursome. sirius mentions james where james doesn’t need to be mentioned - “I spent too much time in detention (with james)”, “she was a few years above (your dad and) me”. in snape’s worst memory they’re in sync, distinctly separate on a physical and i guess moral level here -  “ Sirius and James stood up. Lupin and Wormtail remained sitting” . james panders to sirius’ darker instincts (completely awful, but which i think shows a more-than-is-typical awareness of sirius’ instincts and the way he thinks and what he takes pleasure and thrill from, as well as an active move to satisfy those, but i also think it wouldn’t be as conscious as that in james’ mind). 

sirius says that he might ‘break the tradition’ of proud, aristocratic family for a kid he’s only just met, they have two-way mirrors because they can’t get through detention apart (also how do they do that? aren’t they supervised? do they just look at each other for comfort?). like honestly how rude and inconsiderate if they flaunted them in front of peter and remus but i think that speaks to their assumption that their exceptional bond is understood and accepted by everyone else. which going off prisoner of azkaban and the conversation harry overhears, it was - “Never saw one without the other, did you?”, “Inseparable!”, “Quite the double act”, “Potter trusted Black beyond all his other friends”

there’s such a depth to their relationship that is explored in maybe five main sections across the series yet is depicted as unequivocal in a way that i think few other relationships or even friendships in it are. it’s certainly more than we ever see of james and lily in a relationship together that it eventually got to an undeniable, unavoidable point for me. there’s so much emotion involved from the few lines we have about them that makes it very easy to go from seeing them as friends, brothers, platonic soulmates to full-blown requited, romantic partners

it does still baffle me sometimes that a romantic interpretation of james/sirius isn’t more common because imo they’re ready-made for it and best friends are quite regularly paired together in many other fandoms. but at the same time what is out there is really beautiful when you find it, even if it takes longer to narrow down, especially if you want james/sirius without a third partner or without an overlap of other ships, or as an endgame thing rather than a lighthearted precursor to other ships.

anyway sorry I made this a whole Thing but i feel i can never fully explain james/sirius and why it’s so enduring and elevated for me (especially without having to split it off into 537172 different posts) so I always end up rambling but thank you for this message, I hope your james/sirius journey continues, I’m always always up for talking about them or rec’ing stuff and I always enjoy seeing your posts on the black family and fandom! <3

[northern-passage]

hello!! i was wondering if you have any book recommendations, whether it's entire series or oneshots. i adore your writing style and the type of fantasy world youve created and the way you explore mental health struggles as well as just the general Horror vibes and unsettling scenes. plus dialogue and actually i just like your writing in general it's all great.

i'd also love to be able to pick up a book that has influenced your own writing style/that you take inspiration from because i definitely see your own writing as an inspiration!

aw thank you!!! 🥺

i did (kinda) recently do a reading rec list which was basically just me sharing my to read list. i can't find it now, of course, since tumblr's search function doesn't work... but i can tell you some of my favorite authors!

carrie fisher, gillian flynn, cormac mccarthy, ocean vuong, mary oliver, stephen graham jones, jeff vandermeer and john darnielle (yes this is the mountain goats and he just released a new book this year)

jeff vandermeer's southern reach trilogy is like... one of my all time faves. my favorite horror, definitely. stephen graham jones writes some good horror as well, and so does john darnielle. carrie fisher is an excellent story-teller and always keeps a bit of humor in everything she writes. gillian flynn has the most interesting characters, most of whom are not good people. cormac mccarthy has a very distinct style and author's voice and like flynn he writes very interesting characters. his books typically scratch my western itch. ocean vuong has the most beautiful prose and his writing sticks with you for weeks, months, years. mary oliver is my favorite poet :-)

i don't read a lot of fantasy, i typically get my fantasy fix through video games but i'll recommend the books of the underrealm again, the series and publisher focus on diversifying the fantasy genre. i'm still reading a cloak of red which has been quite fun. priory of the orange tree is another fantasy book (not a part of the underrealm) that has been on my to read list forever... one day i will read it </3

unfortunately i don't do a lot of reading these days. i have a lot of to read book piles in my room, and none of them are getting any smaller.... 😔 there are a lot of newer authors i really want to read but just haven't.

also i asked my friend @nyehilismwriting and they have some recs, too!

- blindsight by peter watts (super in depth speculative scifi about first contact with an alien species, heavy on the science, written by a marine biologist but touches on various ideas of neuroscience, ecology, space travel, very tongue in cheek, beautiful turn of phrase, lots of very interesting concepts. also, vampires)

- children of ruin by adrian tchaikovsky (sequel to tchaikovsky's children of time which I also cannot rec enough: speculative scifi abt different types of intelligence with some really nice exploration of interpersonal relationships; children of ruin expands on everything that was good in the first book while introducing even more interesting characters and some horror aspects. very delicious)

- the calcutta chromosome by amitav ghosh (scifi/medical thriller mystery set in the near future, haven't finished this one but it's very interesting so far)

- the antelope wife by louise erdrich (dreamy horror/generational mystery ?? follows the lives of several generations of two native families from the american revolution down to modern times, alternates between surrealist horror and very gritty realism, beautifully written with some really interesting characters.)