#he's truly my emotional support fictional man and I just want him to be happy with peace of mind ;;;

[renchinworld]

NCT DREAM AS TYPES OF GROOMS ♡

before, during and after the wedding

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, NCT DREAM! ♡

- gender neutral

- on crack, what’d u expect from this account lmao XD

- the picture qualities are Jurassic negative HD 0.4K but they still look good because dem visuals infinity/10

DISCLAIMER: Considering that not everyone has the same religion and wedding traditions, just imagine that this is for y’all own culture & religion’s weddings. Also, these men will be down to marry you a thousand times in one lifetime so.... conducting a ceremony again is no problem (that equates to more honeymoons and we love honeymoons).

♡ MARK

The “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: The type to inform family and friends a year before the actual wedding (he says it's an adult thing). You and Mark will have everything ready as early as possible so y'all can just chill as the date draws near. Will also be loud about it but not in an intentional way, he’s just neomu excited.

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will throw finger guns to the guests *ehem* Johnny & Yuta *ehem* while he’s literally right next to the priest. He will also shed a few tears and laugh at himself for crying as he sees you walking down the aisle. Will never forget to thank God for blessing him with you ♡

⊰⊹ AFTER: Mark will dance with you in different genres (except there’s no twerking and grinding because you gotta leave space for Jesus). After the big reception, there will be a smaller reception at home with just you, him and yall parents before the actual honeymoon. He will do everything you like once you two are alone tho ;)

♡ RENJUN

The “You’ll remember this as the wedding of the century” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Renjun's the type to write the most touching and heartfelt vow that will make you both cry and then add some savage twist at the end which will make everyone laugh (flashback to Haechan's birthday vlive). He will also make sure that everything--from the theme to the background music--is aesthetic af.

⊰⊹ DURING: Mans will 100% cry as he pictures you and him spending your entire lives together once he sees you walk down that aisle. Also, he is genuinely crying happy tears but will wipe them dramatically while he’s being filmed by your wedding videographer for ✧ remembrance and effect ✧

⊰⊹ AFTER: “Renjun, why is the temptation of wife OST playing in the background?”

He will sing close to your ear and give you a peck on the lips once in a while while everyone's busy partying. You two will greet the guests for a short while and then escape in a private plane to an island getaway for your honeymoon… it will take off in front of everyone because... ✧ art ✧ Also, get ready for the most romantic love making in Maldives ;)

♡ JENO

The “You thought it’d be no jam but it was actually the best wedding” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Lets you take charge of planning, but when he suggests his ideas it’s so top notch that you’ll be all “why aren’t you saying more?” and it’s because he believes that the wedding is not as important as the person he is marrying (opposite to Jaemin: Jeno thinks you’ll be happier if he just lets you do whatever you want--as an act of letting you have freedom in your creativity). He’ll be super helpful if you need it tho so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Will accidentally open your veil before the person in charge says “you may now kiss the bride/groom.” He doesn’t care about the cameras, all he sees is you, you and you. Jeno won't cry in the actual event but he will be teary eyed af for sure (he's saving the tears for when you guys are alone).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will take all his chances to carry you and hold you in his arms all night long. Jeno’s signature eye smile will be plastered on his face all night. That innocent face also prepared a bed of roses and other surprises in your room ready for the honeymoon ;)

♡ HAECHAN

The “We’re not going home until someone blacks out” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Haechan will pull a prank on you before the wedding so that you’ll coming running to him and he’ll see you (he can’t take the “you can’t see each other the night before the wedding” tradition because he misses you already). He will even make the vow writing a group activity lmao: “Whatchu writing?” “Haechan, stop looking! This is supposed to be a surprise.”

⊰⊹ DURING: He will tell everyone “I’m not gonna cry, that’s sus” but will definitely cry while laughing and get laughed at by family and friends lightheartedly. Haechan will say the funniest vows out of everyone but will also make you emotional because he can switch from being humorous to serious in 0.00001 second.

⊰⊹ AFTER: Reception is real party vibes; it’s not over until it’s game over. He might get bored eventually so you too will sneak out laughing in your wedding attires and just chill around the hotel’s swimming pools. He might also push you into a pool so he can save you and bathe you afterwards ;)

♡ JAEMIN

The “I’ve been dreaming of this my whole life” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: He’ll make the wedding planner question their entire existence (opposite to Jeno: Jaemin thinks you’ll be happier if he plans the wedding for you--as an act of service). He’ll be super open to your suggestions though and will immediately change up anything you don’t agree with so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Jaemin will also give one of the funniest vows but it's because he's unintentionally funny in his speech delivery. He will say the sweetest and uplifting words, refraining from being too emotional because he doesn't want to see you cry... but you still do. Dude might do mild aegyo in front of everyone just to see you smile again (you know the finger on pouty lips one that he does with Renjun? Yep, that one).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will drag you somewhere when everyone’s busy partying just so he can give you a kissth. He’s down to party with your family and friends but only if you’re always by his side. And he definitely won't care if the party's over or not--once he sees that you’re tired or want to be alone with him, he'll announce to everyone that you guys are gonna bounce… and bounce you shall ;)

♡ CHENLE

The “We can afford a Kardashian wedding but I’d rather keep it simple” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Boi WILL 100% invite his bestie Stephen Curry. There will be three weddings: one for the grand wedding (at an arena for all of Shanghai to see--he doesn’t like this one but gotta keep those investors in check, you know?). Another for a small circle wedding (just family and friends). The last will be the “just the two of us casually exchanging chips and diamond rings while playing pubg” wedding

⊰⊹ DURING: Daddy Chenle will never forget to mention his son Mark in his vows and speeches. His whole clan will shower you with gifts and affection so much that he doesn’t know if he should be happy or annoyed because they’re not giving you two enough time to spend YOUR wedding together. He’s staying put though because hakuna matata #the scorpio side jumped out

⊰⊹ AFTER: No one else is allowed to touch you except for him. He will carry you bridal style away from the building and to his car so he can have you all to himself. He’ll definitely cry happy tears when it's just the two of you.

♡ JISUNG

The “We really should’ve married in secret instead” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Will let you take control of the event but will pitch in his creative ideas here and there. Jisung insists that you have a small wedding but the number of NCT members is far from small lol. There's also a high chance of a beach wedding because he loves the open area (gives him more space to breathe plus he’ll see Haechan and Renjun trying to drown each other in the distance and that’s free entertainment).

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will 100% get clowned by the NCT members while saying his vows (honorable mention: dreamies). He might rap some of his words out of nervousness (which everyone finds cute because it is). He will be all shy and awkward at first and then surprise everyone by his sudden bold moves (e.g. dip you as he kisses you, say the sweetest things). He will also cry happy tears as he sees you walk down that aisle.

⊰⊹ AFTER: He's truly grateful for all the support and love of everyone who attended but as an introvert and an Aquarius Plus Pro Max, he’ll be wishing on the inside that everyone just goes home already so you two can have fun alone. Mans will still get clowned by the members even during the reception but he doesn’t mind because he’s clowning them back now. His hand will be glued to your waist all night and he will sneak in a few kisses here and there.

♡ OT7:

- Everyone will get clowned by the other members regardless of the event so a wedding isn’t an exception. So either you protect your husband or join in on the light teasing... or both. 

- You may also get clowned. It’s NCT we’re talking about.

- This is a work of fiction. Except the clownery & RenHyuck drowning each other in Jisung’s wedding. That’s true to life.

Happy Anniversary to our Dreamies >u< we love you guys sm!

[fonulyn]

So I'm reading this sad Chreon story - as one does (it's me, I'm one) - and I just had the weirdest epiphany? Like, I dunno, it's probably dumb and far from a hot take or some eye opening character analysis no one has done before but I noticed that people (including myself, so like not saying this in any kind of bad way) tend to write Leon as stand offish, apathetic, and cold. Like this story stated it specifically, said something along the lines of "this is what Leon gets for cultivating a reputation for being unapproachable, apathetic, and indifferent" and the insinuation there is that he's done this on purpose, put on this front to seem unaffected by things when in the presence of others, and I think it's pretty true for his character. Like anything post RE2, Leon is kind of. I dunno, I wanna say deadpan? He seems to express v little emotion, and when he does it's usually in the form of a quip, one-liner, or snarky come back. Sometimes awkward small talk lol. But it feels like he's built this wall, this persona around himself, not just to protect himself from losing more people (bc he probably sees it as some kind of inevitability, and with his track record I certainly wouldn't blame him), but to protect people from him. This poor man has spent so long fighting, trying to save people, and even tho he saves the day in the end, so many people get lost in the process, and Leon feels every single loss personally. Right off the bat we see it every time someone dies in RE2, then again in RE4 with Luis, who he knew for a short period of time and yet mourned so heavily for, and even Krauser to an extent. Leon is someone who is quick to trust, even as he gets older, and we see that in RE Vendetta, too. Like that's probably one of the big reasons he's so devastated after losing his team. Not only was he entrusted with a group (which doesn't happen often, as far as we have seen), but he probably put his trust in them as well, including Petrucio, the man who betrayed them. I just think Leon is such a complex character who hides so much of himself (which is convenient for bad writers at Capcom who can't write good dialogue to save their lives lmao, but I also think it's a decent part of his character now), probably so what happened in RE2 doesn't happen again. Bc that shit was probably so traumatizing, and Leon was still a baby! I'm only a year older then he was at the time of RE2 but like, as humans our brains don't finish growing until age 25, so that kind of trauma at that age is for sure gonna stick with you, and it seems he picked up some unhealthy coping mechanisms from it that's more than just his drinking problem. Anyways I guess I just wanted to rant about how Leon is the most "emotionless" character in RE but in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe. He's such a tragic character and I love him so goddamn much, like he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way. Selfless, capable, dependable, reliable, smart, passionate, caring. And some of this might be my own character building I've done based off of other headcanons and character analysis posts and stories I've seen, but I do think we see a lot of this in the canon content, too. I just really love Leon S Kennedy, okay? He makes me sad but also so so happy and I love him v much, he is a big time comfort character for me. Sorry for the rant, just needed to scream about this with someone who would understand lol 😅

oh anon, I get you, I dooo. I think that you're right in that Leon has kind of this shell around himself because it's the only way he can cope. but there are so many cracks in his shell, and he lets people in so readily even when it would stand to reason that he shouldn't trust anyone anymore. he gets attached to people lightning fast, and he'd die for them even when he's barely met them.

this borders on headcanon territory, definitely, but I tend to often write him as someone who gets attached easily and falls for people easily (be it friendship or romantic or anything), but then he doesn't know how to properly let people in because he's got his defense mechanisms, he's trying to keep himself from breaking, and what if he truly lets someone past those walls and then another disaster strikes and he never recovers from it?

and I think it shows a lot in how he's so awkward with small talk, he can throw in one-liners and dad jokes and try to keep his own (and anyone else's) spirits up with that. but oh man. beyond that? the boy doesn't know how to naturally talk to people. (even like in Infinite Darkness, with Claire, I think his "don't do anything stupid" was 100% meant to be a joke, both times, but it just didn't exactly land perfectly. poor awkward bby)

but like even though he might put up this unaffected front, he's still so very expressive? like... if you really pay attention to him? he's far from actually an expressionless and cold person. he just isn't very loud about it. (i was just going through ID screencaps yesterday and while Shen May is talking and Leon is on the background, he goes through such a journey in expressions alone :'D)

AND HE CARES. like, for example in Infinite Darkness, he sees Patrick is shaken and the first possible moment he has, he immediately asks him if he's okay and takes a moment to reassure him. they're in a hurry, he's supposed to get going and not check up on a guy he's never even met before, but he does it anyway. and I think it speaks a lot of his character. he's quick to offer support and comfort, and he genuinely tries to be there for others the best he can. he desperately needs someone to listen to him in turn, seriously. give him emotional support, damnit.

and I wanna highlight what you said:

in reality he feels and cares so much, so much so that if he doesn't put up that mask of indifference then he'll destroy himself. This man would die so that others could live, he's saved the world multiple times without a care for himself past the need to finish his mission and keep as many people as possible safe.

because yes. 100%. also this:

he's one of those characters who you aspire to be like, in a way.

like. yes. there was this one meme thing going around which was basically like asking if you feel like you're like your favorite character and I'm just. I fucking wish I was one tenth of what he is :'D

I know not even he is perfect, c'mon, no such thing as perfect people exist (not even in fiction, or if they do then they'd be really damn boring :'D). i'm not trying to claim he has no flaws, or that he never does anything wrong. he has and he does. but the amount of genuine caring he shows and how hard he tries to do the right thing? truly awe inspiring.

i just. I'm right there with you. I love him so damn much. and that's why I spend most of my time writing fic where he gets at least some of that happiness he deserves :'D i need him taken care of, damnit, and if canon doesn't give him good things then i damn sure will.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Addressing Lindsey

I really, really hate this topic a lot.

The fandom has been split forever over Lindsey. And here’s my take.

I’m the type of person where I believe love prevails over any emotion. It’s like overrule, the veto of emotions. There’s something so incredibly fascinating about love, true and genuine love. It’s a mystery until someone has found it, an unopened, untouched box.

That same box can open to a treasure chest of gold, and show the truest form of love. Or it can be Pandora’s box.

Yes, I believe Lindsey Way has many toxic personality traits. I don’t believe it is fair for me to classify her as a “bad person”, I don’t know her personally. However her actions lead me to believe she is definitely not a person to be necessarily fond of.

I’ve always been supportive of her and Gerard’s relationship, because (at least from what we can see) she makes Gerard happy. And after all that man has been through the very least he deserves is happiness and love. And he loves her, so I respect their relationship.

I’ve always had a very weird feeling about their relationship, however. Just the quick pace, and the events surrounding it. It just seems so calculated by her.

So Projekt Revolution starts, this is just post-Eliza breakup for Gerard. Yes, we all know she was also incredibly toxic. He was very possibly vulnerable, unsure what to do or where to go. And here comes up a woman who is ready to assist him through all of this.

We all know Gerard is highly emotional and empathetic, time after time in interviews he’s admitted it, other members of the bands have admitted it. Coming from someone with an EQ of 160 and an incredibly empathetic person as well, it’s easy to fall into the traps set up by other people. I’ve done it time and time again, but I’m still young and I know I can grow from those mistakes. So, he probably fell head over heels, not thinking too far in advance and thinking with his current emotions.

And what does she get in return? Gerard is an incredibly attractive man to begin with (I write fan fiction about him, lol, I would know) and MCR was practically on top of the world at that point. She’s a decently well known name in rock at that period, but marrying the cover of rock at that point would, well, boost you up quite a bit. Both as a musician, and in her art career.

I also want to truly mention the differences in the way they talk about one another. Basically every interview where Gerard talks about Lindsey he uses extremely strong and passionate language. When she talks about him, she does not. It almost seems bland, little to no emotion or tone. 

Not to mention as well the 2008 Fuse interview pre-Madison Square Garden show where Gerard mentions how she flew out to see him play his dream show. No offense, but in a marriage with someone who you will be spending the rest of your life with, isn’t being there to see them achieve their dream the lowest expectation? He made such a big deal out of her flying out, which tells me she made a big damn deal about it to him, which is incredibly unfair lowering the bar for yourself.

Her lack of emotion isn’t only with interviews regarding anything with Gerard. In general there’s almost no tone to her voice, she has little to no range. Her facial expressions don’t range, and her fan interactions seem less than emotional. I know various people have various ways of expressing themselves, but in general she seems to have a lot less expression within her voice, facial features, and actions than the average person.

And don’t get me started on her incredibly public, and incredibly immature meltdowns. I think it’s so important to mention that Gerard has never once defended her, which shows that he knows enough to conclude that she’s in the wrong in these situations. Especially with the whole opossum post making fun of Frank’s car accident in 2016, not cool.

In general she gives me such a weird, very off vibe. It’s hard for me to research her interviews, recorded through video or just printed and try to say that she seems like a caring, good, sound minded person. I really think something’s off, and I don’t want to accuse her of anything because I find that unfair, but my gut feeling since I joined the MCRmy almost four years has always been that she has her own intentions behind marrying Gerard, and it wasn’t just for love.

So Gerard fell victim to the forces of love. And to me, this seems more of a Pandora’s box situation. It seems in their early marriage he was incredibly happy, the happiest fans had ever seen him. In Danger Days he regresses back to his days of abusing substances, and I’m not saying by any means it’s due to her, but lots of people have commented on how he looks more miserable since then.

And I think now that he’s a father, it only adds an additional string of some sort of obligation he holds to her. We’ve seem him talk about Bandit, explain how she was the main reason he chose to come clean and eventually end the band after, once again, finding himself in another down turn of misery.

I just can’t help but think that when the timeline of some of his decline again matches up with their relationship, and no I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

And some fans may argue with me all they want, and accuse me of pushing a false narrative. But with how open Gerard has been with his character and how closed Lindsey has been aside from her public meltdowns, I can’t help but think there’s something off about the whole thing.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: The entire relationship to me sounds like a fucked up 1800s gothic novel. Someone falls in love with someone else, and true love is a permanent glue: You can try to pry it off all you want, the stains remain forever.

However you guys feel about this I hope what I’m saying here won’t affect your perspective or view on my writing, since that’s my main forte. I’ve just been seeing more people bring this up again, especially after she blocked a fan on Twitter for calling her out for BLM (since MSI does have quite a few highly racist songs and lyrics) so I think it’s important to at least express my opinions, whether people agree with them or not.

[venusluvrr]

The Psychological Horror Manhwa “Killing Stalking” is not a Romance, but an Emotional Series Depicting the Codependent Relationship Between Two Ill Individuals

Content Warning!!: contains mentions of sexual abuse (rape) and mental illness.

Killing Stalking is an immensely twisted webcomic series, mainly popular within the Yaoi community for its boy on boy focused plotline. The story follows characters Yoon Bum (Bum), a shy, scrawny young man with a haunting past filled with abuse, and Oh Sangwoo (Sangwoo), a younger man who also has a quite damaging upbringing but masks it perfectly with his vibrant, extroverted personality. After being saved from a rape attempt during his time serving in the military, Bum develops a crush on his saviour, Sangwoo, from which an unhealthy obsession starts to arise and he eventually finds himself locating and breaking into the man’s home one day when he’s out. When he does, he discovers a terribly injured woman being held captive in his basement, and with further evidence, soon comes to the realization that his crush is actually a serial killer -- hence the name “Killing Stalking,” as Sangwoo kills and Bum stalks. For a very specific reason though, Sangwoo decides not to kill the man that had been stalking him, and instead holds him hostage in his custody. From here, the story goes into exceeding depth of the abnormal, toxic, and manipulative relationship the two form during their time spent together. By just the mere description of it, it’s a bit concerning to know that a large portion of readers still support Sangwoo and Bum’s relationship. In other words, they believe they truly loved each other and that the story was not only horror fiction but a romance as well. One could easily come to this conclusion by basing their relationship on the few parts within the novel where they showed affection towards each other -- for example when Bum allows Sangwoo to hug him to sleep when he suffered through the night, or my personal favourite, when Sangwoo buys Bum a stuffed frog keychain after finding out that he had an affinity for such creatures. But we cannot simply dismiss the underlying factors of their relationship because of some cute things they did that made our heart melt -- Sangwoo still abused Bum at his leisure which makes those moments quite meaningless in the sense of it all. What Sangwoo and Yoonbum shared can’t be classified as “love,” because even with their peculiar bond and endearing moments, the psychological damage they both endured played a bigger part in the way they perceived each other.

Many toxic relationships start out lovely and glamorous until the couple have become comfortable enough to start revealing some bad habits, but in Sangwoo and Bum’s case, they were already off to a bad start, as the reason they remained with each other was solely for reasons pertaining to their poor mental health.

At the time Sangwoo saved Bum in the military, Bum still suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) -- a disorder he inferrably developed due to the fact that he grew up being constantly physically and sexually abused by the people around him. People with this illness may easily develop an infatuation for a person who shows them even the least bit of care; It can reach the point where they begin to idolize them and see them almost as a perfect human being -- which is exactly how Bum viewed Sangwoo after he helped him to escape a rape attempt. The likely specific term for what Sangwoo was to Bum is a Favourite Person (FP). To an individual suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, their FP is everything -- their self-worth, identity and emotional dependency all rely on this one person, making them the center of their lives. In contrast to this sincere fondness, the only reason Sangwoo kept Bum alive was because of the man’s resemblance to his late mother -- the one person in his life who he truly loved. While his father was abusive and negligent, his mother tried her best to care for her son even while her own mental stability wasn’t so great either. Even though it was implied that he was responsible for the murder of both his mother and father in high school -- getting away with it scotch-free because of how perfectly executed his plan was -- he still shared a special bond with the woman, allowing her existence follow and continue to torutue him mentally as he grew older. When he saw Yoonbum, he felt as if she had been somewhat resurrected, or at least he could pretend so by dressing him up in his mother’s clothes and making him cook and do the chores; He also played the husband role by abusing and assaulting Bum just as his father did to his mother -- mostly just out of his own nature. Sangwoo had his own issues, “mommy issues,” and he initially needed to keep Bum alive so he could fulfill his own longing desires. Knowing the man’s character though, things wouldn’t end there and instead headed down a very gruesome and frightful path.

The very reasons that the two were drawn to each other we’re even more evident the longer they lived under the same roof. While Yoonbum continued to recall the perfect image he had of Sangwoo in his head, Sangwoo continued to manipulate the man in order to satisfy his own needs. A healthy relationship cannot be based on deceit, because one person will end up victimized instead of loved.

Oh Sangwoo is a sadistic sociopath with a history of kidnapping, abusing, raping and torturing innocent people, and because of his illness, he shows feels and shows no remorse for his actions and even proceeds to kill off his victims as they pleaded in objection. What some people don’t understand is that when Sangwoo met Bum, the only reason he treated him differently was not because he thought of him as special, but because he had a personal agenda that included making Bum think that was the truth and that he was indeed the favoured victim among many. It’s no surprise with the man’s manipulative personality that he would enjoy planting a lie in Bum’s head to make him stay and continue to do as he says, and this is confirmed whenever he returned back to his old destructive habits even after showing the man acts of affection. Yes, Sangwoo spared Bum’s life, clothed him and fed him, but as their bond grew, his narcissistic attitude was still more apparent than ever.

Upon meeting Bum for the first time, Sangwoo didn’t hesitate to aggressively break his ankles to prevent his mobility, he left the man within the dark confinement of his basement for a certain period of time before letting him out only after he had gained his trust. He made him sit in a chair to wash dishes and make dinner because he could no longer stand. Sangwoo also constantly dragged Bum down with derogatory words and statements every chance he could get, this included calling him a “retard,” and referring to him as a “disgusting” and “filthy” human being. As confirmed by the author, Sangwoo is also heterosexual, which is further proved by the homophobic remarks he made towards a significantly older man who was sexually attracted to him while murdering him with Bum’s aid. This fact alone is another one that should justify a strong point that demonstrates the true hostility of their relationship -- Yoonbum never gave his consent to have sex with Sangwoo, nor did he allow it to happen because “he wanted it.” He specifically used phrases such as, “No,” “Stop,” and “It hurts,” implying that sometimes there was no mutual agreement when they had sex and Sangwoo had actually raped him several times.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder have been reported to have difficulties seeing the faults in their partner -- this explains why Bum still held on to him. He chose to stay when he had the chance to escape, and with tears rolling down his face from excruciating pain he still told Sangwoo he loved him. In a scene where Bum is left alone with the police as they investigate the suspicions they have surrounding him, he questions them saying, “Could you kiss somebody like me? Could you love somebody like me?” As he believes nobody but Sangwoo could answer yes to those two questions, convinced that Sangwoo really does have feelings for him. It’s saddening to know that the poor man had successfully been lured into a trap, and because of his mental health it would be much harder for him to realize it.

To the readers that think, “Sangwoo and Yoonbum needed each other,” -- You’re not completely wrong. They did need each other in the way that they found somewhat of a saneness from each other’s presence, each using one another to each other’s benefit. But being together at the same time built on their insanity, as the presence of Sangwoo’s mother seemed to grow even more prevalent with Bum, who resembled her, also in the picture, and Yoonbum growing so unhealthily attached to Sangwoo that he constantly feared of abandonment and turned the sociopath into the only source of his happiness. They needed each other, but not for the right reasons. They were attached to each other, but there was no love, otherwise it would reflect throughout the story. One of the most debate-worthy scenes that challenge this fact is when Sangwoo is reported by an old lady in the hospital, the one that had ended his life, that he was calling out Bum’s name throughout the night as he lay in his deathbed. Those were his final words, and Yoonbum’s final word was also Sangwoo’s name before he was very well implied to have been hit by a car while he chased an illusion of the man he “loved.” Even I almost felt that this was solid proof that even through the tough and terrible of their relationship, deep inside, the two really were in love but could not express it in the right way due to their mental health issues -- after all, what someone makes of their final moments before death is much more meaningful than most of what they've done in their life entirely. But I came to realize that the only way I could support this relationship would be if they had met in an alternate universe where they did not suffer from such dreadful childhood trauma that made them into the hurting individual they had become before meeting each other. As difficult as it is for me to picture the two with different partners, it would be best if the two had not met at all as they only fed into the severity of their conditions.

[feysandfeels]

I gathered you read the chapter... how are we feeling, any thoughts you might want to share?

There I was, writing on my journal after a decent day at work when this fucking bomb exploded quite literally on my lap. But fear not I am here and we shall discuss until we can make fucking sense of it.  Should I even warn you of the length of this post, or are we all on the same “Luisa can’t synthesise for shit” boat now?

I. Azriel

I will start by saying that this does not make me hate Azriel or stop caring for him and wanting what’s best for him. I still do very much love him. This however does not mean I applaud or get behind how he expressed himself during this specially chapter. For me it was quite disturbing to see how he saw Elain merely as a sexual partner and thought that that translated into love. If he had made the distinction between being physically attracted to her and being in love with her, then I don’t think we would all be feeling like we are. Because it is fair to be sexually attracted to someone but not necessarily in love with them.

From what we saw I think we can gather that Azriel knows Mor is not into him and in his grief from all those years being in love he wants something immediate and there. On top of that he sees his brothers settled and feels like he is owed from the cauldron, so of course he starts seeing Elain as the perfect “solution” to his pain. Now, of course Elain (and no one for that matter) should be seen a solution to anything really. Much less he should jump on that boat and already think of her as his. Az, my sweet, possessiveness is not love. 

When I first read the chapter something stood out for me, he said he’s envious of his brothers and the emotional stability they both have, the fact that they were both chosen by the ones they love. We know Az loved Mor with all his heart and although she loves him too, it was not corresponded on the same energy since she is well bisexual homoromantic. He, so far, does not feel chosen in that same sense, which only feeds his insecurity of being unworthy.

In his envy he oversimplified things, he saw what both Rhys and Cassian now have and did the simple most stupid math ever: he went Rhys+Feyre = love, Cass+Nesta = love... hummm then If I’m single and Elain is single then it must mean Az+ Elain = love. (Sugar I love you but that is dumb as fuck). This has the same energy of when you are in high school and you let your friends convince you that you are actually into someone when you are really not, but then you buy into it and start believing in it yourself. In this case he was the one who created that push and convinced himself that it was the right thing.

I think so far we can gather a few things of the place Az is at right now: he is feeling extremely lonely, extremely envious and extremely sad. I do not think this excuses his behavior at fucking all, but at least we know where he is coming from. He is clearly mistaking sexual attraction and possessiveness as love. But I do think it all stems from this turbulent place he is at emotionally, not because he is a bad person. 

I do not thing he is a bad person for thinking of Elain as he does, because I truly think this is a set up for the growth he will experience. Is it a good look? honey no. But is it a realistic one? I dare say it is. As I said when I read this I got full on high school bull shit vibes, I thought “ohh I’ve seen this film before and I have lived it”. He is being immature and there is no denying. Which was only confirmed with him regifting that necklace... sugar... that was a dick move, very fucking dickish move -specially since it was alluded that they might have feelings for each other–. My man needs to do some emotional growth because yikes. 

II. The Narrative

Now, I have said before that for me, Sarah’s strength lies not so much on her world building or the originality of her works (which is not to say that her worlds suck or her narratives are not interesting and offer something new), but it lies more on her characters. To me she has always excelled at creating characters that do exemplify the range of humanity in its good, its bad, and all that’s in between. Even you can look at stuff that your fave did and go “yeah not cool at fucking all”. At least I know I can and I adore almost every character in this series. I love characters not because they are perfect but because I can either relate to them or because they allow me to understand and experience points of view that are alien to my own experience. Sarah has never made characters black and white. Your faves will make mistakes. Feyre has, Rhysand has, Cassian has, Nesta has, Elain has, Lucien has, Mor has and Az has. 

What make her books interesting from this perspective is that she says “characters development does not equal character growth”. Take Chaol for example –if you haven’t read ToG do yourself a favor and read it– his character arc is one of the most interesting and best fulfilled ones in that series because we saw him at his lowest, when we couldn’t empathize exactly and he was being an ass, and then we saw him question his problematic behavior and move past it. Character development means just that: that the character move from point a to point b. It doesn’t mean he will be better by the end, but it means movement. Character growth does mean he will hopefully get  to a place where they are “good”.

I think she knows exactly what she is doing with Az and with this teaser. Need I remind you of the chaos the bonus chapter in ACOFAS left this fandom in for a solid two years. This got our emotions high and got us one way or another expecting to see where this will all lead. I don’t think any of us were expecting this chapter when it was announced that Az would get a pov. 

III. Conclusion

To conclude I just want to reiterate that I don’t support how he’s is behaving. I think I am accepting how he is behaving. Acceptance however does not meant that I am behind it, it means that I accept it and I am willing to stick around to see him grow out of this and realize why this is all so wrong (because well you know I can’t actively engage with him since he is... you know... fictional). I have had moments like this with some of my closest friends irl with whom we’ve had talks about previous behavior and have had the “be fucking better” talk, which is something that Rhys essentially said (GOD BLESS YOU BOO), and is also a sentiment most of us shared, even Feyre, when Rhys forced Mor to face both of her abusers and then didn’t consult her when selling Velaris off to her dad. And to me that is part of what friendship means, it means being there through the growth.  

Everyone has their own limits of what they can understand of a character/person. If this is your own then it’s fine, no harm no foul. If this is what makes you jump ship from Elriel (that’s their ship name right?) then hey all good, I’m sorry for your loss.  

I am not an Azriel hater, nor I think I will ever be. At least not from the information I have right now. I do still love him and as I have said before I want to see him happy and with a healthy amount of self confidence (and no Azriel saying you could easily kill Lucien is not the healthy self confidence I am talking about). So if anything I am interested in the arc his character will face, we just caught him at a moral low –which to me still has a solid chance of growth–.

I hope this offer some light or whatever. And remember take it easy, it’s okay to feel things deeply but don’t quit in the middle of the war, we still have his book coming up and I am 100% that will enlighten us more. 

ANYWAYS, LONG LIVE ELUCIEN BITCHES.

[watermelonlovershigh]

Bisexual Harry (MILD SMUT w/ MOSTLY FLUFF)

ATTENTION- THIS IS STRICKLY FICTIONAL (NOT REAL). I'M FULLY AWARE THAT HARRY HAS NOT CAME OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS TO BE UNLABLED. I ENJOY BI HARRY FANFICS BUT THERE ARE NOT MANY OUT THERE SO I DECIDED TO WRITE ONE. ALSO THE TRAITS I WILL BE CONCIDERING AS BISEXUAL TRAITS ARE FULLY DEPENDENT ON THE INDIVIDUAL. I HATE STEREOTYPING. JUST KEEP IN MIND THAT JUST BECAUSE HARRY DOES THESE THINGS IN THIS STORY THAT IT DOESN'T MAKE SOMEONE BISEXUAL OR EVEN GAY. LASTLY I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT I'M NOT BISEXUAL MYSELF BUT THE IDEA OF BEING WITH A MAN WHO IS, IS A TURN ON. NOT IN A FETISH TYPE WAY. JUST THE VULNERABILITY AND OPENNESS OF ENJOYING EITHER WOMEN OR MEN IS INCREADIBE TO ME. THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

Harry told me early on into our relationship that he was bisexual. He was so nervous that I would leave him, but it just made me fall more in love with him. He told me late one night about 6 months into dating, on his couch. The second he told me, Harry broke down into real raw tears. The first time I'd seen Harry actually cry. Yeah I'd seen him cry during sappy movies but this was so much more than that. These tears had fear in them. Fear that I would leave him. They had vulnerability in them for being so open. But also a weight was lifted off his chest, just happy to tell me. I held Harry in my arms and cried with him, telling him how much I loved him and that this doesn't change anything. That I loved him just as much.

Only a few people in Harrys life knew he was bisexual. His close family. His close friends. That was it. If it got out in the media, the internet would have gone wild. Of course there were many rumors about his sexuality. Most of them being that he's gay. For the longest time he actually thought he might be gay. He had a lot of 'gay tendencies': painted nails, feminine clothes, pearl necklaces. But he also had very 'mainly tendencies' like watching football and drinking beer with the lads. Harry was just so conflicted all his life. Not knowing what he was. That's until the age of 18. One of his school friends came out as bisexual and that's when it clicked for him. He liked both male and females and he was okay with that. He excepted that part of him. He was more worried about what others would say or think. His family was very supportive. His friends were too. They never treated Harry differently knowing that they were straight and he was sexually attracted to them. Well not so much them specifically because they were more like brothers, but the male species as a whole.

Being in sexual relationships were on a new level of fear for Harry. Fear that when he was having sex with a guy, that the guy would try and convince him he's actually just gay. Or the fear that any women he had sex with would say he wasn't manly enough for them. Needless to say, Harry kept his sexuality a secret from most of his one night stands or short term relationships. He just didn't feel the need to tell them unless they asked specifically if he was bi or not.

Me and Harry meet at a local club in London a few years back. He was with his bandmates at the time. I was by myself because my boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. I was devastated and needed to escape reality. That meant drink until my body went numb. Unfortunately for me though, I wasn't that much of a drinker so my body rejected the alcohol pretty fast. I stumbled onto the London streets trying to get fresh air but ended up puking my guts out in a near by bin. Harry just so happened to be outside at that moment and saw the whole thing before his eyes. He rushed over to me and pulled my hair back to prevent more vomit from getting in it. Then he asked if I was alright and who I was with. I told him I came there alone so he insisted I come back to his place. Because my brain was fuzzy from the alcohol, I didn't hesitate one bit. Harry set up his guest room for me and helped me to bed that night. Something I'm forever grateful for. If it wasn't for him, I could've been kidnapped and raped by a stranger on the streets. When I woke up the next day, I realized who's house I was in. All of the music awards on the shelf in the room I stayed in gave it away. I was never a big fan of One Direction, no reason in particular, so I didn't act like a fangirl would have. Before I left his house, he gave me his number to call if I ever needed someone to talk to. Considering he was an international popstar and all, he sure was the most genuine person I'd ever meet. Taking care of a complete stranger and even giving them his phone number. I never thought I'd actually call him though. Or even see him again, but about a week later, I ran into him at a local coffee shop and we started talking form there. The rest was history.

We hung out all the time. He invited me to a few One Direction concerts. Even had sex a few times. Amazing sex I might add. It truly was great. Even though at the time, I had to remain secret from the public. More so said by Harry then his management. Mainly to keep me safe and out of the media knowing how private I liked to be. Three months of seeing each other and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was thrilled. Then six months into our relationship, Harry realized how serious our relationship was becoming. That we both had strong feeling for each other. So that's when Harry decided to tell me he was bisexual. On his couch. Late one night. He wanted to get it out of the way so he didn't have to hide that part of himself with me. So he could be himself around me. If I excepted him that was and of course I did.

Approximately two years after dating, Harry purposed. He was basically shitting bricks the whole time, but he did it. I didn't hesitate one second before I said yes. We were in love. At this point, the media had found me and Harry out. Most of his fans adored me. Some said our relationship was fake. And others just flat out said I was keeping Harry closeted, not allowing him to be gay. But I knew the truth. I knew he was bisexual, not gay. I never doubted his sexuality one bit. Especially how he devoured my body when we made love. Any gay person would probably gag at the sight of a women's pussy. Not Harry. It was his favorite part of my body. A year after Harry filmed the movie Dunkirk (2017), we got married. It was a small wedding. Just close family and friends invited. It was perfect.

Now here we are in the current year of 2021 and we're still going strong. A few fights here and there, but because both Harry and I have too big of hearts, we always feel bad after fighting and immediately apologize to one another. The media had tried to split us up multiple times but it's never been successful. Our love for each other is too strong and everlasting.

Just because Harry is in a happy, loving heterosexual relationship, doesn't mean he feels completely secure about his sexuality all the time. In the beginning of our relationship, Harry tried to completely throw away any 'bisexual' tendencies he had even though he knew I supported him. For instance, there was many times Harry wanted to paint his nails but didn't. Or would refrain from gushing over sexy guys in movies we watched together. That's when I noticed he was becoming depressed. He stopped writing music. He would disengage in activities we tried to do together. Even pushed me away when I tried to have sex with him. I felt hopeless. Until one morning I asked him what was wrong, and he spilled everything. How he tries so hard to suppress the bisexual side of his character for me. For our relationship. Harry explained that he had the desire to paint his nails vibrant colors and wanted to wear feminine clothes sometimes. Something that was particularly hard for Harry to confess to me was how he even wanted to try anal. On me or me with a strap on fucking him. Right away I made us an appointment to get our nails done at a salon. Then I told him he could wear a trash bag and he'd still be the most beautiful mainly man I'd ever seen. Lastly, I grabbed my laptop and went online shopping for female strap ons, letting Harry pick the girth and size he wanted. Yes I was a little nervous to actually fuck him, but he assured me he would help me out every step of the way. As for anal on me, I mentioned how I would be nervous but how I also trusted him. Trusted him enough to penetrate me anally. That I knew he would be extra careful with me.

Needless to say, I made Harry more confident. Confident in his sexuality. I got him to come out as bisexual to the public. I let him explore his bisexuality in the bedroom. Though of course he still worshiped my pussy. We had weekly appointments to get our nails painted. Harry even wore a dress out to a date night one night. He was super scared and on edge the whole night but I kept whispering in his ear how I couldn't wait to rip that dress off of him and fuck him in the ass until he cried out of pleasure.

I honestly loved that Harry was bisexual. It was almost like a turn on for me. He was both a gym buff and my little princess. He had thick arm muscles and toned abs, as well as pink nails and pearl necklaces. Anytime he mentioned how hot a guy on tv was, we could gush over him together. Or how sensitive and vulnerable he was at times. A lot of guys hold in their emotions, thinking men can't express their feelings, but not Harry. If he felt the need to cry, he would. Right in front of me. It could be triggered by a sad movie or a animal abuse commercial. Also, on the rare occasions he asks for it, I would fuck him with the strap on in his mouth. Though a rubber penis didn't quite taste like the real thing, salty mixed with sweat, he loved to deepthroat it anyways. Watching him choke and gag around the fake penis made my pussy drip. We even bought a strap on dildo that had a vibrator on the back side of it. That way every time the fake cock would enter his mouth, the vibrator would stimulate me clit, giving me pleasure as well.

No matter how much the media tried to convince Harry he was in fact gay and didn't actually like women, he would ignore the rude comments and prove to me everyday that he in fact loved me. Me as a women. Loved my smile. Loved me eyes. Loved the way my boobs bounced while having sex. Often grabbing them in his hands and stimulating my nipples. Loved the way my tight pussy felt around his dick. Or the way my sweet juices tasted on his tongue when he ate me out. Yes he loved dick. Yes he loved balls. Yes he loved being railed to death from behind. But he also liked vagina and he loved boobs. Harry wanted to make love to me and get me pregnant. Watch my stomach grow. Be there to hold my hand when I deliver the baby. Help change diapers at 3 am when I'm to tired to do so. Teach our kids to love and respect everyone and be themselves. Be open to our kids about his sexuality. Give them knowledge on bisexuality and educate them on the matter. Instead of assuming they are straight by asking his future son if he has a girlfriend yet or asking his daughter if she has a boyfriend, Harry will ask if the have a partner or fancy anyone in particular. Love his children for who they are or who they want to become. Be a role model for them. And live happily ever after with me, his supportive wife, by his side.

MASTERLIST

[qqueenofhades]

so…now that we all know what you DISLIKE about star wars (and 400% fairly so, you have my full support here)…

what drew you into the universe, what keeps you around?

favorite characters, ships (OTPs or actual spaceships lol), overall themes, do you have a favorite random weird creature or robot that you adore? whatever you wanna talk about!

go off honey (again, but supportively 💖💖💖)

tax paid: the very nerdy star wars punk vest i made and the even nerdier matching vest i made for starsky

Lmaooo, entirely valid. You were like "star wars?" and I was like the drunk person at the bar who can't stop shouting about how much their ex sucks. But now that I have gotten all that off my chest, let's talk about why I love it (since if I didn't love it, I wouldn't have such strong opinions). Basically my feelings on the OG SW trilogy are similar to my feelings on the OG LOTR trilogy, as that tumblr post floating around somewhere put it: sure, they have flaws, but also, they're perfect. I have a complicated relationship with the prequels, as do we all, since George Lucas cannot write dialogue or direct actors to save his life (stick to what you're good at, George, hire other people to do the rest), but even they have their moments. Like. Hit me with that "Across the Stars" love theme, John Williams. Gahh. Just like that.

Because... Star Wars wasn't actually this omnipresent corporate global entertainment monolith when it started out. It was a dorky low-budget indie sci-fi film in the 1970s which everyone thought was going to bomb. But it told a simple and compelling story in an interesting way, everyone agrees that ESB is one of the best films/sequels ever made, and then ROTJ gave it a happy ending while it was still okay to do that. My main thematic gripe with the Disney trilogy (I will try to keep those to a minimum, lol, but I have to bring it up to compare) is that it very clearly fell into the "actual happy endings are naive and unrealistic and a cynical postmodern audience won't accept anything less than things being Bad" trap that, yet again, we have GOT to thank for. It obviously existed to some degree before that, but GOT blew it up to huge levels, where the only valid situation or character is that which is Grimdark and Depressing. Which, in my view, misses the heart and soul of what SW is all about??

Like. ESB is genuinely dark. ANH was this fun plucky little sci-fi film where the scrappy good guys won the day against the Nazi stand-ins, as they were supposed to, and then ESB comes along (speaking of John Williams, let us all chant together, DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHDUH DUHDUHDUH, DUH DUH DUH DUHHHH DUHHH DUHHH DUHHHH) and things go... wrong. Leia and Han are on the run for most of the movie, then get captured and tortured by the Empire and and betrayed (however unwillingly) by Lando. The Rebellion is attacked on Hoth (I tell you, those fuckin AT-AT walkers were SCARY when you see it as a young kid for the first time), and forced into hiding. Luke loses his hand, doubts Obi-Wan and Yoda and realizes that his mentors are fallible, makes dumb mistakes, and of course gets hit with The Most Famous Line In Movie History. But it's also just adrenaline and excitement. THE ASTEROID FIELD! THE HAN-LEIA BANTER! THE FIRST LUKE-VADER DUEL! THE FACT THAT YOU HEAR TWO FRICKING NOTES OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAHHHH!

But also then... Return of the Jedi. It gets shat upon for the Ewoks and reusing the Death Star as the Big Bad and being supposedly cheesy and not as Thematically Dark as ESB. Which is all kinda silly, in my opinion, but also, can we talk about Luke Skywalker's character arc and how he chooses possibly the most radical compassion ever demonstrated by a hero in an action movie, let alone a space opera. He insists that Anakin Skywalker is still in there somewhere and puts his own neck on the line to prove it. Luke doesn't save the galaxy by being a Badass Jedi. He saves it by throwing away his lightsaber and saying "I will not fight you, Father." He saves it by trusting that even in the depths of darkness, Anakin can come back from the charred ruins of Darth Vader and finally do what he was supposed to do all along. He can end Palpatine for good and all (we don't talk about "Somehow Palpatine has returned" because it's nonsense, obviously). Anakin can avenge the Jedi and what was done to him and all the lies he believed and the pain he wreaked on the galaxy, even then. It's not too late. It's not too late. Like. I don't care if this is Lightweight or Childish or whatever. It makes me CRY every time I watch it. Especially the moment where Luke takes off Anakin’s helmet and sees how ruined he actually is under there, and yet the downfall and death of the trilogy’s chief villain is not triumphant at all but instead utterly heartbreaking. “You were right about me Luke... tell your sister... you were right.”

Excuse me, I need to just /CRIES INTENSELY/

Luke won't be tempted to the dark side for his own sake, but Leia's ("If you will not join me, then perhaps she will"). I likewise hold firmly that Anakin/Vader is one of the best movie villains/antiheroes of all time and likewise have many feelings and Strong Opinions about his arc, prequel writing clumsiness and eye-rollingly tepid love story aside. (See: he and Obi-Wan were deeply in love and in a way they still are, don't @ me. I have no problems with Padme and obviously stan Natalie Portman at all times, but Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is the real love story, the heart of the prequels, and in some ways even the subsequent movies, the end.) And “so this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause” is... raw af as a line. For being in a Star Wars prequel movie. What?? (Also, the Revenge of the Sith novelization had no business being as good as it was. If only that dude had also written the movie.)

Anyway, my point is: the OG trilogy had plenty of moments of staggering emotional weight and where things genuinely sucked for the good guys and the outcome wasn’t entirely clear. The difference is that it didn’t choose to dwell on them, and it allowed for a transformative fictional space where a happy ending, fiercely fought for and squarely earned, was the right outcome. We didn’t need to go back thirty years later and make everything suck for fear that a cynical modern audience couldn’t connect with it otherwise. (Like I said, we didn’t need the new movies at all, but Disney heard that Cha-Ching of the Almighty Dollar). Star Wars was sci-fi, sure, but it also had the fantasy elements that allowed a happy ending to be the right choice for what we saw the characters go through and the philosophy that carried us through the original trilogy.

Likewise it’s just... Peak as far as dynamics go. C-3PO the fussy metal butler who worries about Everything and R2-D2 who is the droid embodiment of YOLO? Flawless. Sassy scruffy space pirate and badass politician warrior princess bicker constantly, butt heads, drive each other crazy, and then fall in love? Iconic. (And has shaped my ship tastes for... all of eternity, oops.) The above-discussed transformation of Luke Skywalker, whiny ordinary teenage kid, to the truly great man who fulfills what Obi-Wan, Yoda, AND the rest of the entire Jedi order couldn’t manage to do, because of their own flaws and blind spots and black-and-white moral views that didn’t know what to do with a man who loved as passionately as Anakin Skywalker, for better or for worse? The guy who managed to save the galaxy with love? STAN.

So... what? The Disney trilogy decides to retcon all that, throw everything that they’ve fought for out the window, make Han, Leia, and Luke miserable and rejecting the roles they grew into in the original trilogy, and die without ever really reuniting or seeing each other again as a trio? The underlying message was that “these happy endings aren’t satisfactory/realistic/sophisticated enough” and idk, maybe it’s just the shitshow of the last few years, but I’d like to see some entertainment that had the cojones to tell me that despite all the darkness and despair, maybe there’s a chance for hope. (”Rebellions are built on hope,” thank you Only Valid New Star Wars Movie Rogue One.) And Rogue One worked so well, despite being utterly GUTTING as all the heroes died one by one, because we knew what was coming next (A New Hope) and that their sacrifice was going to be worth it. I don’t care if that’s “realistic” or not. As I’ve said before, that’s what stories are for, and if I only wanted things that were Real Life, I would only read the news. Besides, the idea that happy endings never happen in reality is equally bullshit. We as a culture need to accept that more, instead of finding reasons to tear everything down.

So just... yes. The original trilogy might have flaws, but also, it’s perfect. And do I want to rewatch it all now? Kinda.

(Anyway. I warned you this was gonna be long. Oh look, it’s long, and I’m sure there is even more I could say, but still. Ahem.)

sleepover weekend asks

[girlmeetsliv3]

Violent Delights: One

Violent Delights

(In collaboration with @jooniescupcakes​)

Genre: Horror, Suspense, & Psychological Thriller

Pairings: Gang!Jimin x reader ; BTS x Reader

Sypnosis:“These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which as they kiss, consume.”

Release Date: Sept 29, 2020 @ 8 p.m. (GMT-4)

Word Count: 9.2k

Author's Note: It's finally here! Almost a year in the works, but Violent Delights The Series is finally kicking off. Thank you for all the love, support, as well as critiques the one-shot received. I hope this re-telling can both capture and surpass the twisted charm of the original. I would like to thank Min (@jooniescupcakes) for helping me outline and plot the story and for contributing. I greatly appreciate it. This story will be darker, gore-y, and a lot more twisted than the original. So strap in & happy early Halloween! Trigger Warning: This story contains subject matter not appropriate for all ages. This story contains mental illness, emotional, physical, and mental abuse; as well as abuse of power, manipulation, and toxic relationships. All of which play a big part in this story. It is never my intention to sensationalize or spread misinformation about mental disorders, please take the "medicine" used in this story with a grain of salt. Links to helplines can be found in the navigation of my blog. Lastly, this is a work of fiction and does not portray the character of Bangtan Sonyeondan.

The door slammed shut harshly as Hanbin rushed to bolt it locked, by his side, he tugged an inconsolable YN through the small house. There was very little time until she arrived. He maneuvered his way through the piles of old dirty clothes, the children had long become accustomed to the stench coming from the kitchen, the dust, and grime that covered their home. It’s why no one came over. Not that anyone was allowed over. In the center of the room framed on the wall shined a family portrait mockingly. Hanbin was short for his age, just eight years old, but it allowed him to navigate through small openings and hide in tight spaces. It was a survival tactic.

“Shh, YN. You need to calm down. She’ll be here soon.”

“i-I wuh-wanted to help, Binnie. She was hurt -”

Hanbin pulled on his sister a little too harshly trying to draw her attention, it caused her lower lip to quiver as she tried to hold the tears back. That wouldn’t do she didn’t like it when they cried. “Helping people only gets you into trouble.” Outside, the slamming of a car door could be heard. Quickly Hanbin located the small broom closet and helped YN inside. The jiggling of the doorknob was barely above a whisper, but it rang as loud as the fire alarm in the children’s heads. YN began to hyperventilate knowing what was coming even if she didn’t truly understand why. 

“It’s okay,” Hanbin rubs her cheek affectionately. “Just stay inside, be quiet, and don’t try to help.” Just like that he closed the door and locked it. He silently hoped YN hadn’t skipped lunch that day. YN cowered under the old headboards, her only company the dusty cleaning products and cobwebs, the second the screaming started she covered her ears and closed her eyes.

“Miss YN?” The nurse’s bright pink scrubs served as a strong contrast to the muted tones of the rest of the building. YN cast a glance around she was likely the youngest person there, but everyone around her shared a similar air of ennui that YN had long grown to associate with doctor’s offices. Slowly she stood up following the nurse as she guided her through what appeared to be an endless labyrinth of doors. After stopping abruptly the nurse turns around and smiles though it’s evidently rehearsed. “Don’t be nervous, Dr. Kang is one of the best doctors here.” How many times hadn’t she heard that before? YN offers the nurse a smile making sure it is wide enough to crinkle the corners of her eyes. That seems to suffice the woman enough for her to finally knock on the door.

Dr. Kang Daniel was certainly young for his profession, but that provided some relief for YN. It would be nice not to spend almost an hour with someone that looked to have been around when Freud was. “Please take a seat.” He gestures over to a chair in front of the desk and YN notices there is little decoration around the room. It’s also missing a clock, but thankfully she sees Kang is wearing one. YN notes the time: 5:36 pm. Forty-three more minutes to go. 

“I apologize that we’re going to have to go through all of this, but its procedure.” He lightly shakes the file in his hand. Most doctors operated digitally now, so that stood out.

“It’s fine.”

“Let’s get to it then. Why are you here YN?”

They went over the usual things and YN was quickly growing a bit bored, her eyes danced around the room as she did find it very strange that it seemed so vacant for a personal office. “Bored?” Her eyes snapped back to his, Kang wearing an unreadable expression. “I apologize for the lack of decor. I recently moved offices, so this will be my last day here.” YN frowned, “I thought I was to be your new patient.” Kang nods, “Yes, but our sessions will be held in my consultation. It’s closer to downtown so you might save yourself the trip.” How does he know I live closer to downtown? Perhaps seeing the further furrowing of her brow Kang speaks once more. “Unless you live far from downtown?” YN shakes her head feeling the tension leave her body just a bit.

Slowly he closes the file and leans forward, resting on his elbows. “I know this isn’t the most comfortable environment. I also know how jarring transfers can be and that they can halt any sort of process…” YN zones out of the conversation having heard it a thousand times since she was eleven years old. The rambling tends to have the same conclusion every single time.

‘I want us to be friends.’

“I want us to be friends or something similar. I know there are some barriers and guidelines in our relationship, but don’t think they aren’t malleable. I’m here if you need me.” 

YN mulls over what might serve as an appropriate response, aware that taking too long might ruin the pseudo-friendly atmosphere and she doesn’t want to have any more problems with psychiatrists. “Thank you, Dr. Kang. I’m sorry I’m just a bit nervous.” The sheepish smile that follows afterward is enough to convince Kang. Perhaps he isn’t a bad man but YN has encountered his type far too often: those striving to make a difference. Always trying to make things better. Always trying to help. 

“No one will help us, YN. No one cares about us.”

“So let’s move onto your family YN -”

“Actually I wanted to ask you about my medication.” Kang seemed surprised at her interruption but encouraged her to continue. “Dr. Lee only gave me enough medication to last the transfer, so I’m almost out.”

“That won’t be a problem. I’ll be taking you off the medication for a short time anyway.” What? Kang’s attention was now on his computer, not bothering to look at YN in the eye. “I need to run some tests and in order to do that your system has to be clean.” 

YN hadn’t been off her medication for a long time. Sure the dosage varied depending on the treatment, but going completely off was unheard of. Especially so soon. “Don’t worry,” Kang smiled. “There shouldn’t be any potential side effects and if there is I’ll give you my private number. In case of emergencies.” What was supposed to be a soothing smile only unnerved YN even more. YN nodded once more though she felt her anxiety begin to swell up in her stomach. Her heart rate speeding up, but YN knew a panic attack wouldn’t do her any favors. It would make her look like an addict and they would lock her up for sure. It’s only a matter of time. Now that the issue had been cleared Kang cleared his throat, “Now what I was saying about your family -” 

YN stood up abruptly thankful the minute hand had finally landed one above the four. “It’s 6:19 our time is up.” She gestures towards his wristwatch and an annoyed look masks his face before it went just as quickly as it came. “It appears so.” His hand covers the watch in a motion that could hardly be described as casual. Kang waves her off, “It was a pleasure meeting you, YN. I’ll schedule the tests for Friday and I’ll see you Wednesday.”

“In other news….updates...gang violence…”

YN wandered through the aisles looking for inspiration or something to satisfy her cravings. In her hand lay open her phone just so she wouldn’t have to keep making eye contact with the older woman behind the cash register. The employee peered at her as if YN was one of the dangerous criminals the news anchors droned on about.  YN keeps looking over the message her social worker sent her: you have to be there at least a month before I could put in a transfer request. When YN bent down to read the label, she felt the woman lean over the counter. YN rolled her eyes and picked up the packaged bulgogi before grabbing a sports drink and a small fruit salad.

Once she saw YN was an actual paying customer, not a shoplifter, the woman’s expression changed. Her smile far too gleeful for this time of night. “Will that be all, dear?” Her voice too high to be sincere. Nonetheless, YN nods and forces a polite smile on her face. Even wishes the woman a safe night for extra measure. Before YN could walk out of the store, the woman responds with her own form of goodnight. “I would be careful walking home tonight. There’s been a lot of crime recently.”

 It is a bit cruel that the second YN exits the store and turns a corner someone begins to follow her. She becomes aware of it instantly, her senses having been trained from a young age to pick up on the small imperceptible changes. Instinct was not to be ignored. The wind became thicker and the streets a little too quiet. YN wouldn’t look up, but if she did, surely there would be storm clouds looming. Don’t acknowledge him. Just keep walking. People like that enjoyed prey. The game. No one wanted to face off against a predator being one. Unless this was a different kind of predator then YN really ought to call the police. For once she was thankful for the pocketknife stored in the inner pocket of her jacket but disappointed that her pepper spray remained stashed in her bag.

Her groceries hung heavy on her arm, but YN was too far from home to attempt to sprint. So she would have to wait it out, YN could take a few punches. Surely whoever it was would become tired after following her for too long. By the time YN had walked ten blocks, she realized that was not the case. The person was still behind her, though there wasn’t much that she could tell much about the person. They were likely taller and considering their persistence they were a threat.

YN could pick up distantly on the booming bass that likely came from one of the many clubs scattered downtown. It meant she was near her house, that she could likely get home. The houses looked familiar she was probably not too far from home. Hope began to swell in her chest until another idea dawned on her. That’s exactly what they want. If the person had followed her this far they wanted to see where she lived. Abruptly YN turned left towards the direction of the main street, she was likely in a back alley of some sort but the bass only got louder so that helped propel her forward.

Towards the center of the alley, YN saw three figures huddled over on the ground. She was too far off to hear what they were saying, but based on their movements it seemed mocking in nature. YN wasn’t able to decipher what was occurring until it was far too late. A man is wriggling on the ground while bleeding profusely from the side of his head while two men stand above him. Blood is spattered on both walls and their clothes are covered in it. There no longer was a presence behind her the real danger now lay in front. In the form of a tall raven-haired man and a slightly shorter blonde - the latter of which YN made eye contact with.

YN bolts down the alleyway in the opposite direction aware that the blonde is hot on her tails. As she rounds a corner she feels him catching up to her right on her before he abruptly slows down. He doesn’t want the chase to end.

56...57...58…

YN counts the streets aware she’s nearing her apartment but isn’t about to lead him straight to her doorstep. In her peripheral, she sees one of the neighboring buildings which contains a doorman stationed there twenty-four hours. YN uses the last bit of her strength to push through the glass doors tumbling at the steps, but the doorman is there to catch her. “Miss, is everything alright?” YN turns around to catch a glimpse, but there’s no one behind her. Though she does note something disappointing: her groceries are gone.

When YN unlocked her apartment door she felt this immediate wave of tranquility hit her. It had taken a while to convince the doorman not to contact the police, she didn't want to be in bigger trouble, but the man had finally agreed after stating he would walk her back home. Once in the lobby, she took the stairs just to be safe. Quickly, she turned around securing all three locks, and headed straight for the bathroom. YN never understood the sentiment behind showers helping unwind, then again she never spent enough time under the water to allow for that. Baths weren't a treat - they were a utility. Like most utilities YN didn't have a lot of available growing up, so she learned to adapt.

Still, it was long enough to let her mind wander to everything that had occurred today. YN wasn't quite sure about how she felt about Dr. Kang, he unnerved her in a way other doctor's hadn't before. Then there was the issue regarding her medication: YN hadn't been unmedicated since she was eleven and that was a time she didn't want to go back to. Then there was the person that may have followed her and the man that definitely did. My head hurts. She rinsed herself and shut the water off, drying herself quickly with her towel. The chase had been real, too real, everything in YN's body had reacted instinctively once she met his eyes. Those dark eyes that had pierced into hers. The blonde man wasn't just chasing YN - he was hunting her down.

But what about the other person? YN hadn’t seen them, but she had felt them trailing after her. However, why would someone do that and especially for so long? The blonde man had only really tracked YN down for two blocks, but even then it felt shorter. The other person simply observed her. Didn’t do anything. Was there even someone there? YN glanced up, catching her reflection in the foggy mirror. The mist had dispersed in some sections, but not others so the only thing she could see were parts of her face. Faltering in her step, she walked forward and pulled the mirror open. Grabbing the white-labeled bottle with her name printed on it.

Habin sits atop the bathroom sink balancing himself. One of his hands gripping tightly to the side to not slip. This has to be done quickly before she gets back from the store. YN holds his legs or attempts to, while Habin finally manages to grab the bottle. “Is it this one?” He sticks his hand out for YN to see. The young girl squints her eyes, “Are they blue and little?” Hanbin looks through the orange tint of the bottle before nodding. “I think so.”

“Do they smell like fruits?”

“I can’t open the bottle YN. I don’t know if they smell like fruit.”

YN nods and Habin notes how hollowed out her face has become. Once round and plump, full of life, now looks as frail as his. “I think those are the ones.” Habin closes the medicine cabinet and cautiously jumps off, the medicine bottle still tight in his hands. “Why does she give them to you?” YN can note the confusion in her brother’s face, she was confused before too. “She says I need them to go to sleep. They help me sleep.” Habin stays quiet before in the blink of an eye he throws the pill bottle against the wall, breaking the seal causing all the pills to spill all over the floor.

“Bin why did you do that?! I need -”

“No! You don’t need anything YN. You aren’t sick, she's just lying to you!” Habin screamed in frustration. He could see the tears starting to well up in YN’s eyes and he felt regret pool in his stomach. “Please YN. You aren’t sick. We aren’t sick. Okay?”

YN took a deep breath, the way her brother had shown her would help stop the tears, the inside of her cheek was bitten harshly until her throat cleared up. “Okay.”

YN looks at the white bottle in her hand considering taking the medicine despite what Kang said. It would just be one more. Just to calm her down. To make sure that what happened tonight wasn't a side effect of going off so quickly. Her hand twisted the bottle cap, but instead of grabbing one and placing it in her mouth, she headed towards the toilet flushing them all away. Though she might not agree with his treatment plans Dr.Kang was a professional and surely knew more than she did. Plus, YN couldn't afford to be transferred again; her social worker might drop her altogether. It’s just until the blood work is completed.

“Unfortunately Miss YN, we won’t be able to conduct any tests until your insurance approves it.”

YN paces around her apartment, phone in hand. “I understand but my doctor ordered it. It’s necessary in order for him to treat me.”

“It appears that the necessary paperwork hasn’t been sent over to the insurance company. At least not enough to justify the exams. You can go through with them, but it will have to be out of pocket.”

YN sighs, running her hand through her hair as the nurse lists off the prices for each exam. A knock disrupts her causing YN to glance at the door questioningly, no one in her building would ever knock on her door. Looking through the peephole, she sees the manager and doesn't know if that makes her relieved or tenser. "I'm sorry can you just give me a minute?" YN speaks to the phone and mutes it, just to be safe. Upon opening the door, a brown bag is shoved in her face.

“Sorry to interrupt dear, some boy left this for you downstairs.”

Just as quickly as he came, the manager leaves. YN quickly shuts the door and locks it, before hanging up the call. The bag looks simple enough though YN hadn’t ordered anything in the past couple of days. Cautiously she opens it and the horror that spreads through her body is instantaneous. In the bag are her groceries from last night, but with minor changes: The red energy drink is now blue, the fruit salad is replaced with regular salad, and instead of bulgogi it is kimchi now. Though it isn’t the food that upsets YN, but rather the pink sticky note placed on top.

To replace everything you lost ;)

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Staying locked inside her apartment for the following days seemed like a smart choice. There was someone out there who knew where she lived. What she looked like. YN was used to being preyed upon, but this was a different game. Not one she was accustomed to. There were enough faded white lines and healed over bones to evidence that she was a survivor. That time and time again YN had faced against monsters and gotten out alive. The thing that terrified her about this monster - was how different he was. She kept waiting for the tall blonde man to show up one night: looming over her whilst she slept, crouching in a dark corner of the room. Lurking behind the shower curtain.

YN wasn’t able to sleep, didn’t bathe, and had thrice rearranged the room so there was no furniture to hide behind. Her paranoia was through the roof and it didn’t help that it had been the first time YN was off her medication for an extended amount of time. Which was bound to be causing more problems than she was aware of, or would like to acknowledge. The cycle continued until on her fourth day, sick of the grime, YN picked up the phone and dialed Dr.Kang’s office. Hoping to resolve the issue and be back on medication as soon as possible.

“Unfortunately, Dr. Kang isn’t in the office today. However, I can schedule a house call”

She hung up, not even bothering to respond to the secretary on the other line. If YN would have allowed herself a moment to feel anything except for fear - sympathy would've been felt for the probably nice young woman she had just hung up on. Maybe I can just sleep until my next appointment. Sleep it all away. So YN crawled into her bed, the covers lie somewhere on the floor. Exhaustion taking over as she drifted off to sleep.

It should've been easier to tell her childhood room apart from all the ones she had before. It had the most personality; if stickers on the wall, old pencil marks, and deteriorating plaster counted. Most of them hadn't even been done by her, but rather Habin in time before her. It created a sense of normalcy in YN's life that didn't exist elsewhere. Of course, her safe haven didn't last long, the hole in the wall right near the bed frame was proof enough. YN couldn't remember the last time she had dreamt, the medication helped with the nightmares, now she stood curled in a ball in the center of the room. The way she would always get once she heard the heavy footsteps approach the hallway.

YN had long learned to tell the different patter of the weathered old sneakers. Heavy stomps that scraped against the wood meant she was going to be screamed at. Rhythmic ones that were heavier on the heel, than the toes meant they might get dinner. While footsteps that dragged meant YN would be getting ignored. It was the ones she didn't hear. When the hallway was so quiet that all YN could hear was the sound of her breathing and the fear rushing through her tiny body - those were the steps she feared. Those were typically followed by the gentle, yet suspenseful pushing of her bedroom door. It didn't have a knob. There was no escape.

YN expected to peer up and see the tall large figure that always tormented her. The thick thighs, rounded hips, a bulbous stomach that spoke of all the meals she'd had - all the ones her children hadn't - and her face. It was much like YN's though much more feminine, older, and eyes devoid of life. It had always stood out to YN when she was a child, though she was certain that if she were to look in a mirror now YN would be the spitting image of her mother. Instead of her birth giver stood a man.

His face was angular, rounded cheeks, and sharp eyes highlighted by thick brows. His lips appeared full as if they were meant for bright large smiles, but it was obvious from the man’s expression he rarely did. There was something strangely familiar about him. An amalgamation of someone she knew and her own imagination, filling in the blank spaces. He looked like her, yet not at all. Tears welled in her eyes, “Bin?” Then he morphed. Now slightly taller, more weight to his frame. A rounded face with hooded eyes, the corner of his lips were tilted upwards in a way that was full of mirth. Dr. Kang faded as quickly as he came.

Now all she saw was a silhouette. Despite being mostly obscured, she could at least tell it was a man. He was lean yet muscular. His body was sharply defined in a way that seemed deliberate. Facial features were obscured, but YN was certain he was glaring at her in a way that caused goosebumps to rise all over her body. Plump pink lips parted moving slowly, tauntingly, but no sound exited them. Only by the smirk formed afterward could she tell their salacious nature. He stepped forward drawing closer to her, but the way he moved was inhumane. It wasn't a walk. But a predator's crawl towards her. Now he was finally in the light, entirely visible but all YN could focus on was the blonde mop of hair atop his head. When he pounced, she screamed.

YN awoke covered in sweat, her hair matted against her forehead and neck. She could still taste the saltiness of her tears and when she finally managed to breathe a sob tore out. Get out! Get out! Get out! If she remained locked inside her apartment for one more second, YN was going to reach her breaking point. Quickly she hopped in the shower before throwing on the first thing she saw and grabbing her wallet. YN didn’t know where she was headed, but her body acted on its own. Locking the apartment door before racing towards the stairs, dashing down all seven floors with little care if she tripped. Perhaps a silent part of her wished she did, it would put her out of her misery.

The lobby of her apartment building, if it could even be called that, was always empty. Never a soul in sight to guard the door, even though YN was sure part of her rent went towards security. Not to mention the intercom system, which allowed people to be buzzed in, hadn't worked for several weeks. It was something she was always acutely aware of but pushed towards the back of her mind. Wouldn't do her any favors to obsess over something she had no control over. Now walking through the desolate lobby out into the night - it was all she could think about. He was all she could think about.

YN took a deep breath and opened the glass doors sneakily peeking towards the sides and being thankful when she noted nothing great. Now where to? She wouldn't go very far nor somewhere unknown. It was reckless to be out so late and would be a death wish to try and enter city life. Gang violence was on the rise and YN didn't fancy herself prepared to face off against someone. So, YN went to the one place that felt familiar no matter what. The convenience store was a fifteen-minute walk, but she took the bus. The original plan was to sit towards the back, where she could see everything, but it wasn't empty. An elderly woman, far too frail-looking to be out this late, sat in the center. Whilst three boys huddled over sat in the back, they must have felt her eyes on them. As one of them - the one in the black beanie - stopped his conversation and turned slightly. Before they could make eye contact YN looked away and sat down.

“Which one do you want?” Habin asked as they stared at the ice cream truck. He had counted the cents twice making sure they had enough. “Hm,” YN eye’s glanced all over the various images glued onto the truck. She already knew what she wanted but had long learned that taking your time was important - not too much though. “Mint choco.” Habin grimaced, disgust evident on his face. “Come on YN. We have to share it. Why can’t we get something I like for a change?” He whined, it was only ice cream but it was the only food Habin was likely to have all day. “Okay, let’s get chocolate then.” YN didn’t really care, she wasn’t planning on eating. Habin had sacrificed enough meals to feed her, an ice cream was the least she could do.

As she steps into the cold building, a small bell chimed to signal her entrance, alerting a young employee near the cashier. 

“Welcome!” The boy smiles, wide and welcoming, handing her a basket,

YN didn’t respond. She walks towards the back, looking for some of her usual snacks, and before long, her basket was filled to the brim with all sorts of colorful foods, and she headed towards the till to pay, grimacing under the weight pulling at her arm. As she pulls out her purse, a soft chime catches her attention, making her glance at the door quickly, before trailing her eyes back. A familiar head of blonde flashes in her mind immediately, and despite herself, she found herself clenching her purse tightly, feeling her palms become clammy with sweat. What were the odds..?

“Is that all?” the cheery voice of the employee breaks her out of her trance as she nods back firmly, unable to push aside the nervous feeling from seeing the person walk in. Quickly weighing the options as she sees him bag all her groceries, she forces the question out before she can stop herself.

“Could you...walk me to the bus station?” Her voice was awkward and tight from keeping quiet most of the day, and she internally winced at the confused expression the other gave her.

“Are you..” he pauses, eyeing her carefully, “is someone trying to hurt you?” 

YN doesn’t know what to say. Could she tell him what she saw? Fortunately, she didn’t have to reply. The boy - Kai, as it said on his tag - seemed to assume her pause was a yes. Excusing himself, he disappears behind the counter, and within a moment, hushed voices coming from there. Something was unnerving about standing there alone with the blonde, chilling her to the bone, knowing she was faced away and he could pounce at any moment. As soon as the terrifying thoughts crept in, Kai stepped back out. He takes her bag and silently leads her out the glass doors, warm, still air hitting her face the minute she left the building. They walk side by side silently, and YN could only count her steps as she got closer and closer to the station.

Her steps quicken when she sees the familiar structure, tall gray pillars, and a few large buses waiting. Kai keeps up with her as well, not bothered by the bag that seemed to drag her down, looking around carefully. 

“Thank you.”

He smiles, what she initially assumed to be his practiced ‘customer service’ smile seemed a little more genuine now. Or maybe he was just very good at it - she wasn’t sure. She takes back the plastic bag, letting herself get used to the additional weight before turning to board the bus. 

“Have a safe trip home!” The boy calls out, making her look back.

YN was expecting to see him with his blinding smile, but something eerier catches her eye. The young employee was standing a few steps away from her, and behind him, dangerously close, was the blonde man from before. Her mouth goes dry as she notices his dark gaze fixated on her hand that held the railing inside, something else in them as he cocked an eyebrow. He almost looked as if he was questioning her, asking what she would do now that he was close, much closer, and positioned to attack the boy. Realizing he must have followed her all the way, she felt her heart rate pick up as she found herself rapidly staring between Kai and the perpetrator, the choices dawning on her. She had to choose to leave Kai behind, or possibly die with him. 

She felt her heart drop at the calm expression on the boy's face, not noticing the danger he was in, she knew he was young, but watching him now, she only just realized how young. He was so young, so innocent, with a whole life ahead of him - but because of some unfortunate circumstance, an unforeseeable future, he would have to throw everything away. 

But if she stayed for him, so would she. She would have to give up everything she had struggled for, while in any circumstance, the blonde would kill Kai, regardless of whether she chose to stay or not. However, she could spare her own life. She couldn’t convince Kai to get on with her without alarming the man, but she could save her own life. After everything she had gone through, trouble was the last thing YN needed. Even if it meant someone else had to suffer alone, she had to stay safe. She found herself holding back hot tears as she quickly ducked into a lonely seat, refusing to look back, still clenching the cheap plastic in one hand and forcing herself not to look back as the tears freely slid down her cheeks. 

‘Helping people only gets you into trouble. You do whatever it takes to survive.’

           “They tell me you’ve missed the appointment I had set up.”

           YN is noticeably tense as she sits in the blue velvet mid-century, her nails digging into the denim fabric of her jeans. “The insurance wasn’t notified,” her tone was clipped. Lower with a slight tremble to it as if it were about to break, but never really did. “I also needed a referral.” Dr. Kang frowned, glancing back down at the file before looking at YN questioningly. “That’s strange. I told my secretary to handle all the paperwork. I even told Joy to hand you the referral.” Seeing the confused expression on his patient’s face, he shrugged. “My apologies, Joy must have forgotten.” The smile he shoots her is sincere, or at least looks so, YN has no reason to doubt him any further on this matter.

Her posture slackens somewhat but given everything that has happened these past few days she finds it difficult to truly relax. YN feels that she is tethering at the edge of a breakdown, but that if she were to fall it would only make her circumstances worsen. There is something that has been bothering her though, how pacified everything has been as of late. The blonde man knew where she lived, he'd likely overheard her name as well, yet nothing had happened. Even Kang, with his cold calculating eyes, had not commented on her odd behavior the last session or how worse she had seemed to get after only being off her medication for a week. Why can’t I figure them out?

           “Unfortunately, I won’t be able to assign you any new medication until I have the results from the bloodwork. However, I do want to know how you’ve been feeling lately.” Kang crossed his legs, leaning forward in his seat. “Have you been experiencing any side effects or withdrawals? Anything I should know about?”

There was a glint in his eyes as he spoke, one that warned YN that he may know more than he lets on. As if the man sitting in front of her was single-handedly responsible for everything that had occurred to her recently. "Normal things…" I am being stalked by a homicidal maniac. “Migraines, low blood pressure…” I keep having vivid flashbacks that only serve to increase my paranoia. “Sometimes I dissociate a bit.” Most importantly, doctor, I had a nightmare where you were about to kill me. “And trouble sleeping.” YN looked towards the ceiling, feigning as if she were in deep thought. “I think that’s it.”

Kang Daniel looked affronted as if she had not given a sufficient enough answer. Hadn't given him the answers he wanted. "I see." His eyes darted towards her hands, which had been tightly intertwined on her lap - immediately she relaxes them. When their eyes meet once more she levels with him. YN knows there is no point in engaging with Kang, that is exactly what he wants. To pry. Dig deep. Learn of all her secrets and who knows what else. He won’t win. I’m safe here. YN had suffered too great a loss yesterday, she was determined to win this game.

           “I had time to go over your file YN. There’s a lot to discuss, but I would prefer to dive right in if you don’t mind.”

           “I-”

           “Very well,” She’d upset him. YN wasn’t even truly aware of what she’d specifically done, but it seemed to matter very little. “It states here you’ve been diagnosed with a personality disorder - at quite a young age too.

           “I was ten.” YN’s voice is muted. Her mind blank.

           “Do you agree with this diagnosis?” YN shrugs, her eyes move down to the file. She knows what he’s going to say next. Or she can at least predict it: it typically doesn’t vary. No matter how many times she goes through the same process the words and intentions are the same. It isn’t sincere sentiments, but rather rehearsed lies spewed to make her feel better - as if she ever could. No, YN is broken. No fixing her up.

           “I don’t. I think you were misdiagnosed.” YN’s eyes widen as they shoot back up to meet Kang’s. “The main reasoning behind this is because of your apparent lack of empathy, but that isn’t true either is it, YN?” Her mouth felt dry, she struggled to swallow the saliva building up. There was a build-up of breath in her lungs which was starting to become painful and she felt her throat tighten. “It’s a survival tactic. An effective one at that - if I may be honest.” So many thoughts were rushing to the forefront of YN’s head. So many memories. Stop. She wanted to scream. Please stop! She felt like she was going to throw up. Kang bent over, his face so close to YN's that she could see how dilated his pupil was: only leaving a sliver of his iris shines through.

Why is he doing this?!

“You feel something YN. It’s okay to feel things. You aren’t with your mother anymore anymore. You aren’t with your brother anymore. You’re safe and I know the next time something happens you’ll do the right thing.”

YN’s eyes were red, brimming with unshed tears as Kang’s words bounced around her head. “Dr. Kang -” She chokes, a sob threatening to escape, but the man doesn’t allow her to finish. “Our time is up. Pick up your referral at Joy’s desk. I will see you on our next appointment.” The smile given is full of sadistic glee.

YN didn’t know how long she had spent wandering around the city. Last she knew she had passed the bus stop and convenience store from last night. If she were smart YN would’ve gone back to her apartment. She didn’t want to though, not trusting herself to be alone. It had been mid-afternoon when she had left Kang’s office. Now it was pitch black with only a few people walking down the streets and cars passing by. Her phone was tucked away in her bag, YN couldn’t muster up enough energy to reach for it to know her location. The tears she shed had long ago dried, though their evidence remained clear to see on her face due to the streak marks and reddened nose.

Several voices were speaking to her, memories, all pulling her in different directions. One by one, YN blocked them out until only three remained. Her brother’s: “You’re not sick.” Dr. Kang’s: “You’ll do the right thing.” Lastly, the faintest one of all - hers: "What do I do?" She had muttered it without realizing it. A cry for help that traveled through the wind, searching for an answer or a sign. She would be granted one.

The scream was so loud, it tore straight through the foggy haze that had settled in her mind and YN found herself frozen in place. Glancing upwards, she noted that a few feet away to the left was an alleyway. That was it, wasn’t it? Yet her feet wouldn’t move. Her brother’s voice echoed so loudly that it barely allowed her to breathe much less move. Until, a stronger, much more powerful one broke through - “It’s okay to feel things...I know you’ll do the right thing.” Her feet were moving before YN had even a second to dwell on her decision. The alleyway was, deceptively long, but YN could see several silhouettes just from the entrance. Quickly she dug her hand into her bag and pulled out her phone, dialing emergency services but hovering over the call button. YN didn't even know where exactly she was - nor did she know what was going on either. It wouldn't do well to just rush in, thankfully about ten feet inlay a giant dumpster which YN crouched behind.  

Another scream echoed off the brick walls, a cacophony of laughter followed it. There’s more than one. YN had hoped it was a robbery or something simple, now she realized just how in over her head she may be. You can still walk away YN. Just walk away. Cautiously YN moved to sneak a glance. There was a singular lamp attached to one of the buildings that illuminated most of the alley. The faint light didn't allow her to make out specific features, but it was enough for her to bear witness to the disturbing scene. Seven men were standing all loosely crowded around a young couple: a man and woman whose bodies were severely bruised and beaten. The man's skull was cracked open with blood profusely leaking from the side of his head. Several teeth were scattered on the ground and his hand was tightened around his abdomen which seemed to have been cut as well. The woman beside him had most of her clothing ripped and large bruises on her side, an indicator of broken ribs. Her eyes moved deliriously as she muttered to herself.

YN’s attention lay entirely on the victims until she witnessed a crowbar fly through the air and land on the man’s leg, with a sickening ‘crack’ that had YN feeling nauseous. The man was too out of it to do anything but let out a small howl of pain. Her previous assumption had been right, there were seven men: all standing there with blood-stained clothes and mocking the man. There was something familiar about them, but YN couldn’t pinpoint what. All of them cheered as the man’s now dead body slumped to the side. Her phone had been long forgotten, YN observed everything now with a morbid fascination. Taking advantage of the perpetrator’s lack of attention the woman stood up slowly and bolted, her heels clicking loudly on the pavement and alerting them their prey had gotten away.

None of them moved - they simply observed her and YN watched in shock. Why aren’t they chasing her? Would they actually… By now the woman was only a few feet away from the entrance, she passed by YN and must've caught sight of YN's hunched over the figure for the woman's head snapped towards her. Causing both women to miss the figure dashing in their direction until it was too late. The woman was harshly tackled to the ground, her head bouncing off the pavement in sickening motion. There is a glint of something in his hand before a dagger plunges into the young girl's body multiple times. In a desperate move, she extends her hand reaching out towards YN begging for help but YN remains frozen. Eyes wide and teary as she cowers as close as she can to the wall, shaking her head she begs the woman not to speak. Begs her not to draw the perps attention. Please don’t!

“Please help me.”

The perpetrators head snaps towards YN and she finally sees him. He's tall, lean figure, plump lips, cat eyes, and ruffled blonde hair. The blood splattered across his face revealed the dark truth behind his angelic features. His dark hooded eyes trail across YN's body, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. The blonde man looks like a predator savoring its next meal. Before he can pounce YN takes off running, unfortunately, he captures her with ease. Caging her body against his own, pillowy lips part and it dawns on YN she has never heard him speak before.

“Caught you.”

Just like that their game has come to an end, surely YN’s life will too. The two of them are so enraptured in each other, they don’t notice the figure slowly standing up and grabbing the abandoned knife on the floor. Not until the blonde man’s body sags slightly and YN notices the woman standing behind them. Don’t. She wants to say, furious that the woman wouldn’t have run away - escaped when she had the chance. For YN couldn’t bear another dead body on her subconscious. The blonde man turned around with pure rage steaming off his body, upset that his prey would dare to fight back. His arms gripped her head and with the slightest flick of his wrist, he broke the girl’s neck. When he turned back around to face his prize, he was shocked to find her expressionless staring at the corpse right in front of her.

YN came to a disturbing conclusion: She wouldn’t have died if she hadn’t helped me. As she once again made eye contact with the monster before her, all YN could see was her reflection in his eyes. Hanbin was right.

The man stepped forward and YN stepped back, crashing into the wall. His hands gripped at her sides, nails digging into her flesh harshly. He was formulating a plan, thinking about how best to kill her - YN could see it. It seems the universe had decided to take pity on her, or further condemn her, for just as his eyes were beginning to light up, the rest of the group made their presence known. “Jimin let’s go. The fun’s over.” Jimin? There was something familiar about that name.

“Funs not over yet, boys.” As if she weighed nothing, Jimin grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. YN struggled against him, aware that if she couldn’t handle one man, there was no way she could survive seven. “I finally found my pet.” What? When Jimin finally put her down, his arms encased her again showing her off to his friends as if she was some shiny new toy, they could look at but not touch. As YN glanced at them she found she recognized some of them, they’re from the bus. At that moment she realized that death had been following YN for a long time and even if she hadn't stepped into the alleyway tonight, their paths would have crossed eventually.  

“Ah, so you’re the girl Jimin’s been obsessed with.” The tall tan one with curly dark hair spoke, his low baritone voice was mocking in nature.

“She’s not that pretty.” muttered another one, with rounded eyes and a tall nose.

“Now, come on kookie. Don’t be mean, she’s a lot prettier than what we’re used to.” The third man’s tone was higher pitched, lips stretched into a heart-shaped smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“What do you think we should do, Namjoon?” spoke the light-haired one dawned in all black. His eyes darting over to the tallest member, his platinum hair shining brightly in the dark alleyway.

When Namjoon spoke it was deliberate and calculated, his eyes boring into YN’s, his words dripping with implication. “We should take this one to go.”

Distantly YN could hear the wailing of sirens rushing towards them before Kookie stepped forward and delivered a right hook to her face, making her lose consciousness.

[skellebonez]

Monkie Kid Headcanons Part 2: Red Son and Demon Bull Family Backstory

Follow up to this post, with a lot more heavy thinking needed this time. Since these characters technically had backstories in Journey to the West, I wanted to really think over how to work those into what we have in the show (even though it kinda doesn’t 100% work and is really messy if you overthink it since the show throws some stuff to the wayside). This took me multiple days to work out so I hope it at least makes sense.

Warning: This one actually gets very VERY dark with emotional and psychological abuse detailed in the later half, so I am putting all of these under a read more. Seriously. I want you to be aware of this before you click that button. Do not ignore this warning please.

I PROMISE that part 3 will be a lot less heavy. I just wanted to get this out so I could finally move on from it.

First, gonna preface this with the fact we all know Monkie Kid is not 100% accurate to Journey to the West. Characters that are supposed to be dead are alive after all, and Red Son’s existence in the show itself in particular kinda makes no sense when I overthink about him. Red Boy is evil in his first appearance, but comes back redeemed way later in the novel (and with his name changed to that of an actual deity who had already existed outside of JTTW with a completely different backstory).

In reality, JTTW is fiction based on historical events and Monkie Kid is made to be a kid’s show and was never going to be accurate to the novel. Not even adaptations of JTTW are. So basically, I headcanon this: in the show, JTTW the novel exists as a highly accurate and very important piece of historical novelization (a non-fiction novel). But like most examples of real non-fiction novels (like Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood), it is not entirely accurate and there are bits and pieces that do not line up. It is, however, incredibly close to 98% accuracy and anyone in it who reads it is impressed.

That being said, Red Son did study with Guanyin for quite a few years (though he was not entirely redeemed like his book counterpart, he was getting there). He actually did learn a lot and was pretty darn happy to be under her teaching at the time. Mostly because he didn’t know what was going on outside...

Unfortunately, later portions of JTTW confirm that Red Son being taken... completely ruined Monkey King and Demon Bull King’s friendly relationship. So that, combined with other events in the Fiery Mountains, it is incredibly likely that is why DBK was so bent on ruling and taking out Wukong for good. He wanted revenge for a lot of stuff Monkey King did.

Before we get into the depressing stuff, I personally headcanon that DBK was actually just. Dead. Completely dead. That is why he went from being covered in floof to being big buff body builder man. Hair does not grow back when you are dead. Removing the staff completely revived him. I needed a silly weird headcanon in here ok?

Since Princess Iron Fan calls him her husband, not her ex-husband as he had divorced her to be with Princess Jade Face in JTTW, I think they either reconciled at some point or PJF... didn’t exist? Since LMK is a kid’s show the later is more likely... but this is my headcanon. Given her personality in the show and book I think it is possible that they mutually divorced due to losing Red Son, DBK remarried, then realized he still loved PIF and wanted to go back to her and she took him back.

We don’t actually know much about PJF so... uh... I like to think she was shockingly chill about it and is just living comfortably somewhere else now. And never wants to see Monkey King again. I hope she is living her best fox spirit life.

Also unfortunately, DBK did not stand a chance and when he was sealed it took a major toll on PIF. She was left alone, her renewed husband either trapped or dead under a mountain and her son kinda sorta still arrested by a deity. This made her more distant to everyone and a lot more cold.

When news of what happened to his father reached Red Son, he pleaded with Guanyin to be allowed to leave her teaching to stay with his mother. He knew what isolation felt like and did not wish for her to feel the same any longer. Guanyin trusted her disciple and allowed him to return to his mother permanently, if he desired. Alone.

This was a mistake. Oh boy was this a mistake. Heaven should have either sent someone else completely or had someone accompany Red Son to PIF to help her because this one decision is why everything in show happens.

At first things go pretty well. PIF is definitely in need of support, but she is ecstatic to see her son again. And that lasts. For a while. Until she starts to project onto Red. She starts to blame him for being captured, for not being strong enough to take out Wukong when he had the True Samadhi Fire, for not being there to keep DBK from leaving her, for not being there to help his father fight Wukong a second time. Everything is Red Son’s fault now.

This simmers for a while before it starts to come forth to the surface. She starts being colder and more distant and giving Red little jabs in their conversations. She says them so sweetly it always takes Red a second to register what she says. 

“Oh Red Son, if only your father were here to see this. Too bad you weren’t there to save him.” “I love you my son, even if you can be useless at times.” “Princess Jade Face would have loved you I bet, but you were far too busy with the celestials to visit. I understand.”

This starts to wear Red down after a while, until he starts to believe his mother. He WASN’T there when he father was defeated, he COULD have taken care of Wukong, he WAS the reason his father left his mother. She was as warm and loving to him as she was when he was a small child when he came back but now? Now she’s as cold to him as anyone else.

She is never outright physically abusive, that is below her in her mind. But other things? Like not having his meals prepared along side hers? Insulting him as casually as saying the sky is blue? Pointing out every mistake he makes when writing or working on a project? Taking his things and “losing” them, only to “find” them days later in a place she told him to look and telling him he needs to be more careful? “Mistakenly” locking Red Son in his room and ignoring his yells and pleas to be let out? Those are on the table.

And this is when he becomes obsessed with getting back in her good graces and starts to push aside his teachings from Guanyin. He just wants his mother back.

His mother does not come back... but his old self does.

Guanyin does not learn of this until long after it is impossible to convince Red Son to leave his mother. She has the kneejerk reaction to just take him back by force but... for some reason she does not. She lets him stay. Perhaps she does not want to make the wrong decision again. Perhaps she feels she taught him everything she could. No one really knows. She does not discuss this.

After a while PIF does lessen her emotional and psychological abuse, once she is certain Red Son will never leave her. She even starts to treat him nicely, like her son who she always loved, like a mother again, even praises and defends him from others again (and Red Son eats it up because this is exactly what he wanted and just fuels his determination to prove himself and stay in her good graces). And at the time the show begins she has come to terms with the fact Red Son was not, in fact, at fault for anything and even regrets this portion of her life.

Make no mistake, however, her treating him less bad, even well at times, now does NOT in any way absolve her of how she treated him in the past. She is still abusive and she has done nothing that could truly set anything right. She still calls him things like “her sweet useless boy” and pulls shit like the racing episode. It’s not really any better. It’s just not actively as bad as it used to be at the moment.

DBK in show did not notice how PIF had changed because in the pilot he was too distracted with being revived and as the show went on he was too distracted with the power of the White Bone Spirit calling to him.

Upon a rewatch he actually seems to be under WBS’s thrall multiple times before episode 10, such as the racing episode where we can clearly see his eyes glowing with possession blue, and I think this affected his personality a bit. Not much, I think he was still neglectful and cold to Red Son from the get go, but WBS probably exacerbated the worst parts of his personality long before taking over completely.

But I think he sure does notice NOW that the thrall no longer has him. Whether or not he does anything about this is up in the air, however. It is entirely possible he falls fully into neglect and does nothing to stop anything.

Red Son knows, very deep down, that his father is neglectful and his mother is abusive. He knows. He just won’t admit that not even demons are like this to their children. Won’t admit that he doesn’t deserve it, that he never deserved it. Because he loved his mother deeply before he left. He loved her when she convinced him he did. And he still loves her, and his father. He’s stubborn. He doesn’t want to give up on that.

It is going to take a LOT for someone to show him that he deserves better. But having his father back has not been everything he had hoped it would be and now... now it may be possible for someone to reach him. At least convince him that SOMETHING needs to change.

[marveloustrauma]

so, I'm clearly seeing things that aren't there

okay...

I am truly ill prepared for the next MCU phase. why you ask? well, when the MCU first launched their debate film IRON MAN in 2008 I was but 10 years old. I grew up along side many of these characters, some I love more than others it's true, many who were not treated well by the writers/producers and some who have come to pass. while watching a video essay the creator pointed out how the MCU's titular hero and villian are both fathers. Thanos sacrifices his daughter in exchange for the soul stone and the 'greater good'. that's because in Thanos' mind wiping out half of all living creatures is considered a 'correction', a 'balance' must be kept and Thanos' is willing to sacrifice his own daughter in order to do so. in Gamora's (2018) famous last words "no. this isn't love". Thanos is toxic he claims to love his children but he tortures them, destroys them, harms them and kills them (both directly and indirectly).

Tony doesn't become a father until after the events of Infinity War, yet throughout all 3 phases of the MCU Tony Stark/RDJ is considered the 'father' of the MCU. In IRON MAN 3 Tony all but adopts young Harley, in CIVIL WAR & HOMECOMING this motif is pushed even further with Tony mentoring Peter Parker. seeing Tony being a positive father figure for so many young characters is clearly a well thought out part of Tony's character arch. this is even more important to think about when you consider how Tony didn't grow up with the best dad around (granted Howard/Tony's relationship needs to be discussed in a different post cause there's a lot to cover there). it's made clear to the audience that Tony had a difficult relationship with his father (in the comics it's flat out abusive, the MCU's writers treated Howard Stark kindly being more of dismissive and passive-aggressive towards his son). in the first 2 Iron Man movies Tony works to move out of his father's shadow, this is somewhat achieved in CIVIL WAR when Tony creates B.A.R.F. which allows him to work though the emotional trauma of dealing with his parents passing (as well as other things too probably this man has serious mental health issues). this progress is hindered towards the end of CIVIL WAR but Tony still manages to reconcile with his demons enough so that when he meets his father again in ENDGAME he now understands Howard a lot better. at this point Tony himself is a father to Morgan, he knows he can't be the perfect father (Tony has struggled in the past with doing the 'right thing' AVENGERS: AOU is a good example for this). if Tony wants to build a brighter future for his daughter and avenge the fallen he has to sacrifice his own life. and he does. Tony lays his own life on the line and is finally able to rest...

-- EXCUSE ME WHILE I FUCKING SOB REAL QUICK CAUSE FUCK I'M NOT OVER HIS DEATH --

unlike Thanos Tony makes the sacrifice play if Tony truly wants to correct what has been wronged he has to take on the full repercussions. yes it means never seeing his daughter again but Morgan gets to live, his daughter gets to live her life vs. Thanos' choices which lead to the death of many of his children even his most precious Gamora (who he murdered). Thanos is an abusive and selfish father. Thanos is very similar to the father Tony grew up with, the core of Tony's demons and insecurities and when faces them, faces Thanos Tony is brave, he is resilient, he is the protector. Tony does not give up to the bitter end telling Thanos the truth, "I am Iron Man". Tony knows who he is. He is the man who will make the sacrifice play for his friends, his comrades, for all living creatures and for his daughter. Tony is a good father, damnit his the best

-- HOLD ON THESE FUCKING TEARS --

for 11 years I called Tony my father. sure I had my ups and downs with the character no one ever has a perfect relationship with their parents and yeah, he is fictional. however, I'm an introverted kid with no father who will claim me and here is this amazing and wonderful character who is shaping my youth. idealizing Tony as my father is no different to someone else claiming their favorite character is their best friend or closest companion. your comfort character as they would say.

this is why I appreciate WANDAVISION so much! besides being pure perfection for a great number of reasons the Disney+ show captures all the many stages and feelings associated with grief. it makes sense for this show to be the sequel to ENDGAME (the show takes place roughly 3/4 weeks after the events of ENDGAME). Wanda is helping us all move forward and accept the death of the characters who were slain so that the story could have a 'happy ending', a win for the heroes and death to the enemy.

now sadly, I am still recovering. and that's okay. I know that even after their gone these characters are still a part of me, just like Vision is the part of the Mind Stone that resides in Wanda. they are eternally connected and bonded.

FAR FROM HOME deserves a mention ofc. The film focuses on many things so for me the time given on Tony/Peter's relationship doesn't go into full depth, personally. yes we discuss Tony's legacy within the film however FAR FROM HOME doesn't have the same gut wrenching stomach twisting effect as WANDAVISION (these are all personal opinions. mine might not be the same as yours). still it's worth mentioning as Tony's much darker past makes an appearance, a darkness in the form of Mysterio who comes rushing straight for Peter. a son bearing the sins of his father. in the beginning of the film this weight is crushing Peter, he is unsure, grieving and far too young for all of this. yet by the end, Peter knows who he is. he knows the truth and Mysterio "can't trick... [him] anymore". Tony trusted him, Tony beieved in him and for Peter that's enough.

where was I going with this...? oh right!

I'm sad and depressed as fuck. I am eternally grateful to Robert Downey Jr.'s for his portrayal of Tony Stark. I'm so incredibly impressed with this character's arch and I love the idea of two father figures battling it out with the loving, kind and supportive father like Tony Stark winning over an abusive nut sack like Thanos.

the MCU has this strange line that they walk. on one hand there are themes, motifs and stories that feel incomplete, not yet fully realized. just short of greatness. then there are these well thought out methodical almost philosophical at times stories that are being written right before our very eyes. I suppose this is what 'family entertainment' is. as a kid I looked up to my heroes believing nothing could harm them, because the hero would always win and get to go home. as a young adult I know that the greatest heroes makes the greatest sacrifices which means... they don't always get to go home. and... that's okay because I know that Tony can finally rest knowing that his family (Pepper, Morgan, Peter, the Avengers, everyone tbh) are finally safe. the recurring nightmare has finally reached it's 'happy end'.

on a side note...

shout out to Josh Brolin! Thanos might be a saggy sack of nuts but Brolin is a an amazing actor and should not be hated for his portrayal of such an iconic villian. remember, you can hate the character but you should also appreciate the actor for their performance!

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

[kyramidoriya]

Hey! I have a couple questions about your Bakudeku. I only scanned through it because I personally hate the ship and think its gross!! No ship hate though, its just abusive and toxic imo. But like why do you ship it? Are you in a relationship? Is it safe? Please check your safety💕

So first, I am in a relationship! I’m a happily married 24-year-old woman, who got hitched to my college sweetheart. He is easily the softest, nerdiest, and kindest man on the planet. The most unsafe it has ever been is the time I stubbed my toe and it broke my nail. He was trying to chase me around our house because I couldn’t get him to stop tickling me lol.

There are a few reasons I ship them, but I want to start off by saying that I don’t think they could be a healthy couple the way they are now. They both desperately deserve safer environments and therapy for healing.

Next, I don’t think it’s abusive. I think painting it abusive does a disservice to both of them, but I think it’s unfair to Izuku especially. Generally, not always, I think people who see it as abusive see Izuku as this poor baby victim. But he is so much more than that.

He supports the hell out of Katsuki, and he’s acknowledged his shitty behavior without painting him as this evil, toxic, or abusive guy. I think that right there is a huge argument for why it’s not abusive. Obviously there are lots of behaviors an abuse victim can exhibit, but I see none of them in Izuku.

Alright, so on to why I ship them!! First, I think Izuku is truly the only person Katsuki can show any vulnerable emotions around. Even to his squad he puts up his agressive front. I ship him with several squad members (Kiri and Kami), but in canon he still hasn’t really been vulnerable with them. Obviously the vulnerability could be great for friendship too, but I like the dynamic as a romantic couple too.

Another reason I ship them, is because I really believe that with enough work, anyone can change for the better. And I love watching Katsuki change and grow as he finally gets into an environment with better adults and better peers. I think Izuku is a catalyst for a lot of it as Katsuki realizes Zuzu’s physical, emotional, and interpersonal strengths.

Next, I think both really and truly need to be challenged. And I think some of the best people to do that for them, is each other. I ship TodoDeku and I ship KiriBaku and loads of other pairings for both of them. But I think to really be challenged, they need each other. I think Katsuki challenges Izuku to be stronger and more confident, and I think Izuku challenges Katsuki to question who he is and what his motivations truly are and should be.

Another reason, and this is sorta just me being silly, but there is so much great BakuDeku fan content. I think people really limit themselves because there is so much BakuDeku fanfiction and fan art out there that are amazing. I mean, there are tons and tons of amazing works out there that show beautiful redemption stories or alternate universes that people are missing out on. If anyone is interested, I’m happy to recommend some.

When it comes down to it, I really just believe that after growth and therapy. They could be amazing together, and I’m not going to deny any of the student characters the ability to change and grow, even Katsuki.

Last thing, be careful what you say to people. I know you were polite, but questioning my marriage based on a fictional ship of a couple of teenagers was probably a bad call.

I hope I was able to explain myself!! Feel free to ask for clarifications! Also, I encourage you to read the whole original post!!! I know you may not like the ship, but I wrote it for a reason lol.

[the-pale-goddess]

Lovely Hilde, hello! How are you? Just wanted to come on here and tell you how much I love Tiffany. And I'm really sorry because this is a bit long.

This woman, this incredible, amazing, magnetic, devastatingly beautiful woman whom I can't even begin to describe how in love with her I am. She gives me queer panic, like I don't know if I want to be her or be with her (who am I kidding? It's definitely the latter) She's so freaking gorgeous and witty and intelligent (which is honestly one of the most attractive things about her imo) and strong and powerful (a #girlboss may I say lmao) and just so so perfect. And that the fact that she has a tattoo and on her hip bone no less... I am deceased. I would be thinking about her (and I do that quite a lot) and remember this and then I would die and come back to life. Seriously, that's so hot. (Also, I love the fact that you have tattoos yourself) She's one my absolute favorite MCs ever. The things I would let her do to me... She could ruin my entire life, step on me, run me over with a truck and I would still thank her. And listen, I love Ethan, completely adore the man (with the exception of OH3 canon Ethan. He falls into the category of "fictional men written by men") but he doesn't deserve her. Nobody in this whole wide world does, we are not worthy to even be in the presence of such beauty and magnificence.

Also, her in Conquest>>>>>>>> I cannot for the life of me stop thinking of her in that masterpiece, it's seriously a problem at this point. She literally surpasses everything and everyone in that fic and I fell in love with her even more after reading it.

In conclusion, I am completely, utterly and hopelessly in love with this woman, she's the love of my life and no one can ever compare and if she ever gets bored of Ethan... I mean, I'll always be here😌 Love you and her so so much and I hope you're having an incredible day, darling❤❤

I'm writing this response with tears streaking down my face, full of happiness and gratitude I can't even explain properly. I may end up inventing some words because I need you to know how deeply moved and thankful I am for you and this wonderful message - I've reread it about a hundred times already, memorized it and carved it in my heart ❤️❤️❤️

Are you kidding me? A freaking love letter to Tiffany? This is the best reward I can think of and truly every writer’s dream. I can die happy now 🥰

Can’t thank you enough for taking time to let me know how much you adore Tiffany and writing this perfect message. I get emo every time I think about it (and I think about it all the time ever since I’ve seen it in my inbox)

The fact that you remember all these details about her leaves me speechless! 😍

I’m glad I’ve decided to give her some ink then 😏 She’s far more subtle than me though, my tattoos are huge and I have plans for another kdjgkdfjd

OH3 canon Ethan falls into the category of "fictional men written by men

SCREAM! This is the most accurate description of OH3 Ethan’s evil twin. I don’t know him, honestly ✋

But I definitely see your point, dear, Ethan’s usually one step behind her because of his faulty emotional intelligence kdjfkdjfkdj If she gets sick of his grumpy ass I’ll tell her to find you 😌

I’m terribly sorry for this sappy rant, but I truly am stunned by your kindness and love for my homegirl. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even belong here and everything I create is pointless, but then an angel like you comes my way and makes me feel so valid. You deserve the world! ✨

The answer is long and messy enough, but once again - thank you for your generosity and support, you’ve made my heart so full ❤️

I hope you’re living your best life, dear! I’m sending lots of love to you ❤️❤️❤️

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 16

Chapter Summary: An unexpected guest at Jensen’s birthday party causes an even more unexpected shift in his relationship with the reader.

Word Count: 5.5K+

Warnings: Angst, semi-public unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving)

Author’s Note: I’m so pumped, we’ve got the ball rolling again. I really hope you guys enjoy this part and as always, I appreciate the feedback. Without you guys, I would’ve never finished this. Now look at us, we are closing in on the end. Part 17 is almost done already and this girl is fighting the urge to write a sequel. More on that later though... xoxo Alex.

Ps. If you have followed me for any amount of time whatsoever, you know that I am an avid supporter of all the SPN women, especially the wives. I hate that I have to say this, but this is completely a work of fiction and should be treated as such. I mean no harm to Danneel or her beautiful family.

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly!

Jared had been planning this big birthday bash for Jensen since New Year’s. He wanted to celebrate one last time with all their friends and coworkers before they went their separate ways for the last time. There was also a viewing party being planned for the finale, but Jared was afraid that would be filled with too much emotion to be able to truly enjoy. No, he preferred one night of nothing but fun and no worries of the future. This party was as much for everyone invited as it was for Jensen. 

Y/n had been surprised when she received her invite from Jared. She didn’t exactly consider herself a part of the family that this cast and crew had created. After all she had only been there for a hand full of weeks. Jared had been insistent that that was not the case. He really wanted her there. 

So here she was, dolled up in a tight black dress with long sleeves and a plunging neckline and an updo that took her two hours to complete, her clutch tight in her hand as she followed the signs through the venue to the ballroom that had been rented for tonight. She didn’t quite understand the queasy feeling in her gut. Maybe it had to do with the fact that this was her boyfriend's birthday party, but since no one actually knew that they were dating, they wouldn’t be able to spend any real time together. It wasn’t that she would be without people to talk to, but as cheesy as it sounded, she didn’t want to spend time with anyone else. They had officially been dating for two months now, and things were going great. Personally, she didn’t see it ending anytime soon nor did she want it to. As much as running around has been fun, this moment right now had her wishing they were a typical couple. 

Music could be heard behind the doors before she pushed them open. The ballroom very much resembled a typical wedding reception inside, well, minus tacky flower centerpieces on the tables. Jared had commissioned The Impala’s to play tonight and they were currently playing some rock song she didn’t recognize from a small stage on the far wall. Her eyes scanned over the people dancing and others chatting in groups when she landed on her target. There was a bar with a beautiful display of liquor on the wall behind it. Tonight was an alcohol night for sure. She bee-lined it there, quickly gaining the attention of the bartender and ordering her usual. 

Her nails clicked against the wood as she watched the crowd move on around her. The bartender set her alcohol down and she thanked him, taking a heavy drink from the small glass. A soft vibration from where she had placed her clutch under her arm interrupted her thoughts. With a frown, she pulled her phone from the small bag. There was a missed message from Jensen. 

You look beautiful

Her head snapped up and began scanning the room for any sign of the man. It didn’t take her long to spot at all, both him and her brother towering over most of the rest of the crowd. He had a grin on his face when he caught her eye. 

You don’t look so bad yourself. A tux is a nice touch.

I had to try and keep up with you somehow. That dress is… you know you aren’t playing fair, right?

Y/n bit her lip, having received the exact reaction from him she had been hoping. 

I think you seriously underestimate how hot you look right now. Too bad I opted for panties tonight, because they are ruined.

The message barely had time to notify her that it had been sent before those three little bubbles popped up on her screen. She took another sip of her drink as her belly flipped in anticipation of his reply. 

Fuck, you’re killing me here babe. This party has just started.

I know… leaves me plenty of time.

Jensen licked his lips across the room as he read her message, his eyes immediately flicking back to hers with a look that was half desperate and half warning her to be careful. She winked at him and downed the last of her drink. The sound of her name had her halting her attempt to order another. 

“There she is!” Y/n turned back towards the crowd. Trish was headed her way, a guy Y/n didn’t recognize in tow. 

“Hi Trish!” Y/n embraced the woman as she came up to the bar. Y/n eyed the guy awkwardly standing off behind her. Trish noticed her gaze and smiled.

“Y/n, this is Chris. He works on the lighting crew, mostly night stuff and what not. Chris, this is Jared’s baby sis, Y/n.” Trish put her hand on Chris’s shoulder and urged him closer. Y/n offered her hand to him and he shook it before quickly shoving back into his pockets.

“Yeah, or course. Everybody knows Jared’s little sister. Made quite a name for yourself.” He shrugged his shoulders. His words themselves were not rude, it was the inflection in his tone when he said it. It put an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Awkward tension quickly filled the silence that followed his words. A loud clap from Trish broke through  it after what felt like years.

“Well, I have to grab those drinks, talk to you guys later.” She spun around, pretending not to hear either of them call after her. 

“I don’t know what she expects.” Chris grimaced as he turned back to Y/n. 

“Probably for you to offer to buy me a drink.” Y/n had to not laugh out loud at the idea. The fact that Trish would even think they would even get along was wild to her and the two of them had barely said two sentences to each other.

Chris scoffed. “It’s an open bar.” Y/n didn’t even hide her eye roll.

“Well don’t do me any favors.” She spit out, shooing him away like a cat that had just jumped on her counter. 

“Whatever,” Chris mumbled before disappearing back into the sea of people around them. The next time she saw Trish, she was going to kill her for this. What had she been thinking? Y/n doubted that man had ever had a civil conversation with anyone. It would certainly explain why she had never met him before. Everyone had been trying to save her from the experience she just had. Y/n signaled the bartender for another, fully committed to not leaving the spot she currently occupied. Once the bartender acknowledged her, she dropped her head in her hands with a sigh. 

“Same old Chris, it appears.” A soft voice came from her right, following her acknowledgment with a chuckle. Y/n snapped her head up, turning to see who was talking to her. Her stomach dropped almost instantly. If she hadn’t recognized the woman’s face, her fiery red hair would have been her dead give away. There, not even five feet from her was Danneel Harris. She had on a strappy gold sequin dress that fell all the way to the floor. Her hair was styled over her left shoulder, held in place by no doubt a hundred bobby pins. Danneel held a large glass of red wine in her one hand as she leaned against the bar as well. 

Y/n took a deep breath to try and steady the hammering in her chest. She forced a smile on her face. “Uh, yeah. I was wondering why I hadn’t meant him yet. Then I realized my brother had been doing me a favor.” 

Danneel laughed with a knowing nod. “I’m Danneel.” She offered her hand. 

“Right, of course. I’m Y/n… Padalecki, Y/n Padalecki.” Y/n tried to shake the fuzziness from her mind as she shook Danneel’s hand. 

“I know, you’ve done some amazing work. Congratulations on the business by the way.” Danneel had an honest smile on her face. 

“Oh, thank you. It’s kind of surreal if I’m being honest.” Y/n admitted, her guard coming down as she grew more comfortable with the woman next to her. 

“You’ve got this. Just stay clear of Trish’s hookups and you’ll do just fine.” She put her hand on Y/n’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “It was nice meeting you, take care of yourself.” 

“You too.” Y/n called after the woman as she breezed past her and into the crowd. Y/n watched her move in between the moving bodies, eventually finding her target. Danneel wormed her way into Jared and Jensen’s group, position herself right next to Jensen. 

Just when she thought maybe she would get the racing of her heart to calm down, Danneel took it upon herself to try and crush it between her fingers. It was unfair of Y/n to think that, considering there was no way Danneel could have known about her and Jensen. But it was Danneel for Christ’s sake. She was tiny, and beautiful and an actress. Essentially everything that the world expected out of a wife for Jensen. That’s why when they had announced their engagement, everyone was overjoyed for them. What came as a surprise was when that engagement had been called off. Y/n never had figured out why they called it quits either.  Honestly, she had been too afraid to ask her brother, considering it wasn’t his business to share, but still, her and the rest of the world were beyond curious. 

Y/n downed half of the second drink as it was set down in front of her. She never once took her eyes off of the small circle of people in the center of the room. They were all laughing at something, Danneel equally as transfixed on Jensen as Y/n was on the two of them. That’s why she didn’t see the woman sneak up next to her. 

“Hey, what happened with Chris?” Y/n jumped as a hand fell on her shoulder. Her eyes shifted towards Trish for only a moment before going back to where Jensen was now talking to Danneel. 

“Trish, come on.” Y/n glanced back at the woman, her gaze incredulous, before going straight back to Danneel and Jensen. “He was a total tool. I’m honestly offended that you even thought we would get along.”

“Well, you both could use a little relaxation and I thought may you could hate fuck.”

Y/n whipped her head back to Trish. “Jesus, Trish! What the fuck?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to be helpful.”

“Trish, I love you, but I don’t know how to make this any clearer for you. I’m good… happy. And I am certainly not that desperate to get some.” Y/n’s voice trailed off when she heard loud laughter coming from the group she had lost focus on. 

“Fine, I get it.” Trish followed Y/n’s gaze when she realized she was no longer paying attention to her, a look of equal confusion crossing her features as she happened upon Y/n’s distraction. 

“Did Jared invite her?” Y/n tried to keep her tone nonchalant when she noticed Trish had caught on to her fixation. 

“No, I don’t think so. The two of them still run in some of the same circles, so she probably heard about it. Jensen was pretty messed up after they called it off. I don’t think Jared would do that to him.” Trish answered honestly. “I just can’t believe she actually came. She was the one who left him, after all.”

“Really?” Y/n hadn’t known that particular piece of information. After all, her only reputable source was Jared, and she hadn’t bothered with that. 

“Yeah, said she couldn’t do the long distance thing. But with the show being over, who knows what will happen. They were really happy at one point, they could get it back.” Trish shrugged and walked off, unaware of the stab wound her words had left in Y/n’s chest.

“Who knows…” Y/n mumbled to herself. The last thing she wanted to believe was that Jensen would just go crawling back to his ex the second she looked back his way. But the two of them had been engaged, and that’s not some small thing. They had really loved each other. Y/n and Jensen hadn’t even come close to saying those three little words. The knot in her stomach clenched the more she thought about it. Her anxiety was rearing its ugly head, and as much as she knew it, she couldn’t focus enough to try and control it. 

At this point, Y/n wasn’t even trying to hide her staring. It was rude, she knew that, but she just couldn’t stop herself. Her chest felt empty as she watched the two of them laugh at something and then, God help her, Danneel put her hand on Jensen’s upper arm. 

Y/n’s gut dropped, and she shook her head to try and clear it. This was insane! Y/n was not a jealous person, nor did she ever want to be. She had worked so many years to grow out of the insecurities that had been ground into her. In this moment, after coming so far, she couldn’t, no she wouldn’t let them win again. It wasn’t fair to her. 

Jensen looked up then, stopping when he noticed her watching them. He smiled at her, the expression warm. Y/n tried to return it, but she knew her smile was tight. Jensen’s brow furrowed slightly before he recovered. He winked at her before ducking out of the group, and making his way to the stage. He got Bob Singer’s attention as the current song they were playing came to an end. Bob knelt down on the stage to hear Jensen. He nodded eagerly and Jensen followed the length of the stage to climb the stairs on the side. 

“Looks like we have a special request from the birthday boy himself. Ladies and gents, please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jensen Ackles!” Bob hollered into the microphone. The crowd erupted into a roar as Bob stepped back from the microphone and let Jensen take over. 

“Firstly, I just wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight. I thought I could maybe sing something for all of you, if you would let me.” Again, cheers erupted from the crowd. Y/n was only growing more curious as Jensen continued. “Great, well this is a song that I’m sure you all know. I recently rediscovered it, and it has become my new favorite. I can’t seem to get it out of my head. Anyway, here you go.” 

Jensen turned on the band, signaling them to start. It didn’t take more than a second for Y/n to recognize the tune they were playing, and even less time for the tears to form in her eyes. 

 I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Ooh, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

 A half laugh half sob erupted from her chest as she remembered their first date at the ice rink. Jensen was officially the cheesiest, sweetest, most amazing man she had ever had the pleasure of knowing. He took this stupid, cliched song and made it their song. They had a song. It was so high school, but so adorable at the same time. 

 Lying close to you feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes

And thank God we're together

And I just want to stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and ever

 He got the whole crowd engaged, the lot of them swaying with the music. Meanwhile, she was wiping away the tears on her cheeks, careful to not mess up her makeup. 

 And I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

Well, I just want to be with you, right here with you

Just like this

I just want to hold you close

I feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all of the rest of time

 In typical Jensen fashion, he embellished the ending of the song as it called for. The whole room was entranced. She hoped it would keep them from noticing how he kept looking back at her, how he was singing to her. It was a bold move, but honestly, at that moment, she didn’t care if everyone found out. Jensen was singing a song for her.

 Don't want to close my eyes

Don't want to fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you, babe

And I don't want to miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you, babe

And I don't want to miss a thing

 The melody faded out, and Jensen bowed out from the stage. The band thanked him for the little treat before getting back into their set. As Jensen disappeared from the stage, she broke from the small trance she was in, realizing quickly she needed to fix her face before anyone saw her. She rushed from the ballroom in search of a bathroom. The first one she came to had a small line coming from the door and she growled under her breath before continuing on. She stopped a server who pointed her towards the next closest bathroom. It was tucked in a corner near the entrance to the kitchen. Y/n was leaning into the door when a hand gripped her bicep and pushed her into the bathroom.

“Hey!” She protested, attempting to pull her arm free from the grip. Her words fell flat as she realized it was Jensen pushing her into the bathroom. He dropped her arm and twisted the lock on the bathroom door as it shut. Y/n watched in confusion as he bent down to check the stalls. “Jensen?”

Jensen turned to her once he was satisfied they were alone, his smile faltering when he noticed the tear tracks down her cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

Y/n was taken aback, her mind taking a second to catch up to what he was talking about. She walked to the large mirror by the vanity and plucked a tissue to dab at her face. “Nothing, I’m good.” She chuckled at the irony. 

“Are you sure about that?” Jensen came up behind her, one hand slipping around her to rest on her hip as he made eye contact with her in the mirror. 

“Yeah.” She spun around to him and slipped her arms around his neck. “You sang a song for me on your birthday. I’m great.” And she wanted to believe her own words, but something was still working together that knot in her belly. 

“I did? Here I thought I just liked that song.” He quirked up the corner of his mouth as he pulled her closer to his chest. Y/n grimaced, the subtle movement not going unnoticed by Jensen. Normally, she loved his teasing, it was a part of their banter that made their relationship unique to any other one she’s ever had. Right now, she couldn’t help but take his words to heart. For the life of her, she wished she wouldn’t have, but that weird feeling in her gut was too strong right now. 

“Babe, I know what’s going on in that head of yours.” Jensen’s eyes pierced into hers before he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin for a moment. God, she hated how well he read her sometimes. For once, she would like to not be such an easy read. “I didn’t know she was going to be here.” 

“I believe you.” Y/n’s shoulders dropped with her words.

“Jared didn’t know either. He’s not even sure how she found out about it, let alone why she flew all the way to Vancouver for one night.” He was trying to reassure her, but all she was hearing was that Danneel was determined to get him back, that she was here for what she had tossed away all those years ago. Y/n couldn’t blame her for that. Jensen was one of a kind. 

“She came back for you.” Y/n noted solemnly. 

“No, Danneel left me. Why would she be back now?” Jensen was honestly lost and Y/n almost felt bad for him. They really were two of a kind, neither one thinking that they were worth something. Not to mention it was obvious to everyone else in the room that she still loved him. 

“Jensen, you dedicated so much of your life to Supernatural and now that it’s over she thinks that you two can just pick up where you left off. That you can finally have that fairytale that she wanted in the first place because you’ll have more time for her.” Y/n’s tone was clipped, much to her dismay. She didn’t want to be short with him, but she also couldn’t believe that he could be that obtuse. Her hands slid down his neck and came to rest on his chest, a weak attempt to push him away from her. Jensen didn’t budge though, keeping her secure in his arms. 

“Y/n,” Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “She’s too late. I got over her a long time ago. I moved on.” He squeezed her hips to emphasize who he had moved on with. “Honey, you and I… I’m in. I’m all in.” 

The look in his eyes begged for her to not look away from him. The stinging grew in her nose as she fought back more tears. The swelling in her chest now disguising the rolling in her abdomen.

“Yeah?” Her voice was a broken whisper.

“Yes.” Jensen nodded his head, his features more serious than she had ever seen from him. He dipped into her, pressing his lips to hers gently, testing the waters. Her hands wrapped around the lapels of his tux, pulling him closer to her chest before finding their way back around his neck. With her encouragement Jensen put all his emotion into that kiss. Every unspoken word and promise. Every need and desire. He needed her to understand, to feel his truth. Jensen nipped at her lower lip, enticing her to open her mouth to him. She moaned in response to his actions, her body shivering as Jensen’s hands trailed up her sides. He ran his thumbs along the swell of her breasts, showing extra attention to her hardened nipples. 

Something had shifted, she could feel it in the electricity of the air around them. She could feel it in the way Jensen’s mouth moved against her own and how his hands gripped her tight. It wasn’t just about the hunger that had been between them since the beginning, it was something new entirely. Sure, she wanted to feel him, to feel his muscles ripple as fucked her, to feel the deep push and pull of him inside of her. But it was also about the emotion behind it. Jensen was here with her. He had chosen her, and he told her he would keep choosing her. 

“Is there a zipper on this thing?” Jensen growled in frustration as he ran his fingers across the fabric of her dress. 

“No, it’s a pullover dress.” She chuckled as Jensen dropped his head into her neck with a groan. 

“Guess we’ll make due then.” He nipped against her neck, his hands now finding their way to the hem of her dress. Jensen tugged it up around her hips as he sucked along her jaw. He let his tongue guide his movements across her collarbone and back up to just below her ear. 

“Jay,” She watched him with hooded eyes as he moved from her and dropped to his knees.

“Shh.” He urged her as tugged her thong down her legs. She stepped out of it, her belly dropping as she watched Jensen stuff the lacy material into his jacket pocket. Her pussy ached in anticipation as Jensen gripped her thighs and leaned forward to place a kiss to her lower belly. He wrapped his long fingers around her right knee and lifted her leg, urging it over his shoulder.

“Shit, shouldn’t we be doing this the other way around? It is your birthday after all.” The quiver in her voice betrayed the sincerity of her words. Right now, she couldn’t think of a better place for him to be. 

“Are you kidding me? Best birthday dessert I can think of.” He flashed her his signature smirk, before licking his lips. He placed another gentle kiss to the inside of her thigh before moving on to her sex. Jensen wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked just hard enough to send pleasure pulsing through her bones. Y/n cried out, the sound louder than she had anticipated, but at this point she didn’t care. All she cared about was Jensen and the fire building inside her. Her stomach clenched as Jensen continued his work. He was pro at reading her body at this point, and he had her higher than she thought possible in no time. 

Sweat was beading across her chest and neck as she watched the man between her legs. She braced herself against the counter with one hand, running the fingers of her other hand through the longer locks at the crown of Jensen’s head. 

“Jay,” She whined as he kept her just at the edge. Her body was so close and he knew it, a low growl emanating from the back of his throat finally pushing her over the edge. Y/n came with a deep huff of air, the heel of her shoe digging into Jensen’s back as her body rode out the high. 

“God,” He kissed her thigh again before lowering her quivering leg back to the ground. “You’re so fucking beautiful when you come.” She threw her head back and laughed as she allowed him to help her hop up onto the counter. 

“Don’t laugh at me.” He playfully chastised with a frown, his forehead scrunching together as he worked open his slacks. 

“Quit making jokes then.” She quipped, only half serious. Jensen paused his movements, his pants hanging open. Y/n could see how hard he was behind his briefs, the sight distracting her momentarily until she realized he had stopped what he was doing. Her eyes flickered back up to his, his expression now serious. 

Y/n/n,” He started with a sigh. He tugged her to the edge of the counter by her knees, fitting himself snug between her legs. “You are the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I have had the pleasure of knowing. Please believe me when I say I’m the luckiest man in the world right now.” 

“Okay.” She nodded in agreement. The hurt in his voice had her feeling guilty for what she had said. It wasn’t her intention to hurt his feelings. For some reason, her self deprecating humor had found its way back so easily that she hadn’t even noticed what she had said until it was out of her mouth. 

Jensen searched her face for some indication that she may have been just saying what he wanted to hear. When he didn’t catch on to anything, he returned to removing himself from his pants, dropping them and his briefs to his thighs. Y/n grabbed his neck and pulled his lips back to his, her kiss hungry and sloppy as Jensen stoked himself a few times. He coated himself with her arousal before sinking slowly into her. He watched her as she grimaced when he stretched her out, her eyes never leaving the spot where he entered her. 

“You good?” He had to make sure she was set before he continued. She nodded to him, her fingers scratching his neck where she held onto him. Jensen hitched her left leg around his waist and the other he lifted into the crook of his elbow before he set up his rhythm. He took his time at first, reading her reaction to every movement and trying to commit the sounds coming from her mouth to memory. He never wanted to leave this moment. He never wanted to leave her. She had wormed her way into his heart without even trying, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Both of their faces were flushed as the air became heavier in the room. Neither could be bothered with the sweat trailing down either of their bodies, both too engrossed in the other. The feel of the others body against their own, and the way they just seemed to fit so perfectly together. This is certainly not what either had expected from this night, but then again they weren’t complaining either. 

“Fuck,” Jensen growled between clenched teeth. His movements began to become erratic as his instinct took over in search of his end. 

“I know, I’m right there, Jay. Come for me.” Jensen cut off her words, his lips hungrily searching out hers. She met his eagerness, both of them lost in the moment as they neared the edge. Jensen pulled her down onto him hard as he came, his cock pulsing deep inside her. He stilled for only a moment before continuing a few quick hard thrusts as his thumb rubbed tight circles on her clit. It was her undoing then, her nose scrunching and her mouth falling open in a silent scream. 

“Ah, jesus.” Jensen leaned into her as they both fought to control their rapid breathing. He tucked his face into her neck, inhaling the smell of perfume and sex on her skin. Her fingers slowly scratched the hairs at the base of his skull as she held him to her, content to listen to his heart beating in time with hers.

“Jensen,” Y/n reluctantly broke the silence in the room. They had already been gone too long, and she had one more thing she wanted to say to him before they parted ways. Jensen stood up to his full height and dropped her leg that he had in his arm as he pulled himself from her. “Jensen, I think it’s time we tell people, you know, about us.” 

“What?” He looked up at her as he tucked his button down back into his slacks. 

“I, well… don’t you think it’s time?” She hopped down from the counter, careful not to break her heels. A blush crept up on her face as she felt his cum drip down her thigh when she stood up straight. 

“Yeah, I do.” He agreed with a soft smile. Hell, he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, right now. He was high on her and he couldn’t be bothered to give a damn about any consequences. Jensen turned to her as she shimmied down the hem of her dress. He stepped up to her, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the lips. 

“Good, then it’s settled. We find the right time and we tell our family and friends.” Jensen felt his heart soar as he took in the smile now on her face. In that moment, he realized he would spend the rest of his life making sure she was happy, if only to see that smile on her face. Nothing else mattered more to him anymore than her happiness. 

“I can’t wait.” He agreed. Y/n reached into his jacket as he kissed her again, but Jensen caught her wrist before she could snag what she was looking for. 

“What are you doing?” He dropped his voice, his eyes narrowed as he grinned at her. 

“I’m grabbing my panties.” She stated matter of fact. Jensen tsked at her, shaking his head in mock disapproval, his playfulness taking back over the moment. 

“Consider them my birthday gift, besides you said it yourself, they were already ruined.” He grinned, releasing her wrist from his grasp. Her hands fell to her hips as she tried to determine if he was serious or not. 

“Jensen, come on.” She tried, reaching towards him again, but he smacked away her hand with a shake of his head. 

“I want you to be reminded of this moment all night. Everytime you feel my cum dripping down your thighs, I want you to think of me and how no one else can fuck you as good as I can.” Y/n couldn’t help the whimper that emanated from her throat at his words. She had to hand it to him, he was good. He knew exactly what to say to her. It was as if the two of them had been sleeping together for years, not weeks. There was no learning curve, they both just knew. 

“Fine, keep ‘em.” She relented, her hands slapping down against her thighs dramatically. 

“Thanks, babe.” Jensen moved to rush out of the bathroom, knowing people would be missing him by now. 

“Wait!” She called, rushing after him. He turned, puzzled. Y/n motioned for him to lean down, running her fingers through his hair as he did so. “There all better.” 

“What would I do without you?” He smiled wide.

“Crash and burn.”

Part 17

Forevers: @spn-impala​​ @22sarah08​​ @turtlepad​​ @callmekda​​ @chaldei​​ @hobby27​​ @casualfestivaltrashpainter​ @cowboysnwinchesters​​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @pikabootoyouchu​​ @dawnie1988​​ @grease222​​ @frackinawesomeninja​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @polina-93​​ @clarinette07​​ @moonlight-babeh​​ @suckerforfanfic​​ @witandnargles​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @geeksareunique​ @akshi8278​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @kalesrebellion​ @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​

[bigskydreaming]

Are you going to read Tom Taylor’s nightwing? The preview looks fun

Oh I’ll give it a shot, for sure. I didn’t read the preview yet but I did read his interview. I like that he acknowledged the awkwardness of having already killed Dick twice. As that’s the sort of thing bound to be an elephant in the room with any character, when that’s the only real history a writer has with that character before taking over his solo title, lol. So I mean, at least he’s aware of why some Dick Grayson fans are like uh, approaching with caution, lmao.

The only part that really concerned me was when he said he was eager to get Nightwing back on the pedestal where he belongs when.....what. No. Bad take. Do not like. IMO that’s the crux of all issues with his character, the fact that no person real or fictional BELONGS on a pedestal, and being on one is never ever to anybody’s benefit, because its flat out impossible to live up to the expectations that go hand in hand with someone existing up atop a pedestal. So I’m like....no. Nobody needs to put anybody back on a pedestal.

BUT. I’m trying not to read too much into it yet, as its entirely possible it was just an unfortunate turn of phrase he didn’t put too much thought into, and he was just expressing an acknowledgment of the battering Dick’s reputation and perception in audience eyes has taken over the past few years, and he’s eager to just....work on making him better-liked again.

So. We’ll see. *Shrugs*

I mean, ultimately, my wishlist for anyone writing Dick Grayson is pretty finite? Like, a huge part of my exasperation in a lot of my more ranty-posts is like, I don’t have this long list of expectations or demands for his character in order for me to personally enjoy him and his writing......the frustrating part is just HOW MANY of the takes on him I dislike all stem from the same handful of issues.

So really, all I’m hoping for from Taylor’s Nightwing run is:

1) A look at him as competent and capable as befits a character who’s been doing the superhero thing for about as long as anyone, and has been as integral to various teams and the cape community as he is....and with this acknowledged and like, shown the kind of respect you’d think would ATTACH to his alleged reputation within the cape community, instead of it only ever seeming to invite resentment from other characters instead. With this including a look at him as equally competent and capable in his civilian life, as befits a character who has always, across every single continuity, prided himself on being self-sufficient and independent wherever possible.

2) Keeping him centered in his own tragedies and traumas instead of him and those events just viewed as plot vehicles meant to inspire and evoke emotions in OTHER characters, with the focus then shifted entirely on how they feel about things he’s more directly and adversely impacted by. If I have to see one more victim-blaming centric storyline about this character, I’m gonna......well, just continue to rant about it the same way I always have I’M JUST SAYING, enoooooough, can we please have at least like a five year moratorium on ‘here’s how everything bad to befall Dick Grayson is directly his own fault in not just his own eyes, but also those of every other character and most readers.’ Like, there are other tropes. Check the Trope Well, I promise it has not yet run dry.

3) Allowing him the same range of emotions and reactions enjoyed by everyone when reacting to the things HE says and does, instead of him being limited by what he’s ‘supposed’ to be doing/feeling/thinking for the good of the family or teams or community instead of to his own damn benefit. Ie not having to swallow every insult or deprecating remark about how badly he dealt with various traumatic events to befall him, and instead getting to return fire and say how he feels about that - with this rendered sympathetically by the writing, instead of just another way to cast him as ungrateful, out of touch, or oblivious to his impact on others. 

(All of which really don’t gel with him allegedly being the emotional glue of the Batfam and cape communities, which is where the expectations of him being supposed to do and say things to help support his family or bring them back close together come from in the first place. Like, this is a two-way street. You can’t claim you’re disappointed with this character for not being the emotional heart of his family like you want and EXPECT him to be, and then turn around and just completely and perpetually characterize him as being emotionally obtuse and self-centered and ungracious, because how the hell would a character like that even GET the reputation of being the emotional glue of a family or team in the first place, y’know? It doesn’t make sense.) 

But yeah, just like, allow him to be a PART of these communities and family, instead of just wholly in service to their needs. Which means that hey, sometimes they fuck up too, and if that’s never actually acknowledged within a narrative, if the apology stream is always ever flowing one way, eventually you end up with a pretty unpleasant picture of a man who is only TRULY at the center/glue position of a family because he’s being utilized as the family scapegoat, someone everyone can hold accountable for everything that goes wrong and count on/expect him to ACCEPT accountability for that, thus artificially ‘solving’ conflict within the family or improving relationships temporarily, because the others are at least for the moment emotionally validated or satisfied by the ‘proof’ that someone was to blame for this and that someone has accepted said blame.

Like say, even when he dies or gets sent into what’s basically exile or loses all his memories or the dozen other things that correlate with things going to shit for everyone else, but without that correlation ever extended on their part to see that oh hey, rather than him and what happened to him just being the catalyst for things going to shit for us, things were ALSO rather shitty for him as well, at the same damn time.

Etc, etc.

But yeah, ultimately, that’s it, that’s my entire wishlist for stories about Dick Grayson, canon or otherwise. Literally all my wants and hopes for Taylor’s Nightwing run can be summed up as like, as long as its somewhat in range of/in keeping with the above list of three whole Super Big Asks, I’ll be fine with it. 

I don’t need a super-revolutionary or ground-breaking new take on Dick Grayson. I will be one hundred percent happy and satisfied just reading stories that feel like they’re being written by a writer who is rooting for this hero and who is writing with the intention of having readers root for him too.

And hey, even if all else fails, at least Taylor’s not Tynion, lololol.

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hello there! If you don’t mind, would it be alright to request a matchup for Demon Slayer, Fullmetal Alchemist & Fire Force?

I’m an autistic, gay trans guy!

(I’m a Libra & ISFP).

I’m 4'10 with short hair that I dye often (as of right now, it’s indigo!) and I have hazel eyes, with a lot of freckles. I’m chubby, but with a very prominent hourglass figure. I gravitate towards wearing clothes that are baggy, but I have a secret love for wearing things like dresses or generally very pretty/cute clothes?

(Like.. Lolita style stuff! I have no problem wearing feminine things, and a lot of it makes me feel really confident! I often feel insecure about myself due to my autism, and I have a birth defect that gives me complications with walking, so wearing nice things and looking fancy makes me feel a lot better about myself!)

I’m timid and struggle when it comes to socialising especially with new people. I tend to not speak at first and only gesturing to avoid having to properly talk unless necessary. I struggle anxiety and extreme hyper-empathy (I feel emotions a lot more intensely than most people would). It’s not hard to get me very overwhelmed either so I do find it difficult to talk to others, but I do get along better with those who are a lot more extroverted and will open up more with people like that! Over time I tend to come more out of my shell and I’m very loving and compassionate!

I’m not the smartest, and can be pretty oblivious (i.e. with romantic advances) and need most things to be said to me at face value or I usually won’t understand, or it’ll go over my head.. And to which, I have my head in the clouds most of the time, always day-dreaming and that causes me to be uncoordinated or clumsy.. Which my short attention span doesn’t help with at all!

(It’s taken me a few hours to actually sit and write this ‘cus I keep getting distracted, haha!)

Despite my initial shyness, I have the tendency to be very loud and childish around people I like/want to impress, and won’t think much when I do this, which leads me to embarrass myself rather often. My love language comes in gifts or words of affirmation and I’m over the top lovey-dovey, but I instantly fluster if they’re returned. I’m very much so teased for how easy I am to embarrass.

I’m creative and absolutely adore most forms of fiction, taking mass amounts of inspiration from it for what I make! I’m a writer, artist and a singer in my free-time! (I love to sing for others or draw others, do anything to just show off my talent to make others happy!)

I really enjoy impressing with my ideas and their originality, and adore nothing more than when I get to talk about what I love; but sometimes I overshare or talk too much and can be unsure where to stop.

I guess overall I would do better with someone who doesn’t mind how 'eccentric’ I am? (I’m often bullied for these “strange” qualities) And someone who’s more outgoing than me? That aside, I don’t mind anything else, but I do have a type for guys who are a lot taller than me, haha!

I hope this isn’t too much, but thank you so much for reading, and if you accept this request! I really tried my hardest with this 'cus I really like this blog!

Waah, thank you again! I hope you have a nice day!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hello @eggedeggs and thank you so much for requesting with us! I am sososososos sorry this got out so late, but I truly hope that you enjoy this!

>Admin 𝕋

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽...

 Alphonse Elric! So, the reasons as to why I matched you up with Alphonse is because i really like the idea of having someone who looks so basic with someone who looks so cool, you! I feel like Alphonse, being the accepting person that he is will have no reservations being with someone so outspoken in the way you show yourself to the world. Hopefully that makes sense, but ultimately Alphonse will ultimately be fascinated with how you look, cool hair and lolita style and all! 

You aren’t the only person who is a little timid at first, Alphonse is just as timid, but as had time to adjust to it. He could be someone that could help you with your shyness and being timid! He understands the feeling, he knows how it feels to be shy towards others, so he will know how to help you feel more confident! And when you feel overwhelmed about meeting new people, he will pull you to he side and make sure that you okay, make sure that you feel calm until you can socialize again, and if you can’t then he will take you some place that will help you feel better! He also loves that you are so compassionate and he especially loves watching you come out of your shell when you are comfortable around people! SO with that in mind, Alphonse will do everything in his power to make you feel comfortable so that he can see you being the bubbly and eccentric person you are!

Alphonse would notice your love of fiction, how you are always reading or writing; so he’ll sometimes go into town and look the various shops to see if they have a new fiction book or if they have someone writing utensils that would suit you and your creative endeavors! He is very attentive to stuff that really makes you happy, so when he sees something that make your smile the brightest, Alphonse will never hesitate to get it for you, no matter the cost!

All in all, I feel that Alphonse will be the best fit for you in the fullmetal universe because he is attentive, loves how you express, yourself, understands your shyness and how sometimes being around people really overwhelms you! He will love every bit of you from head to toe. He isn’t really the most outgoing person, but for you, he will do his best to be the man of the party!

Tanjiro! Okay, so you and Tanjiro! It’s just *Chef’s kiss*! Tanjiro is a pretty outgoing guy with a love for friends and family that compares to no other! And you not be an exception to that! He would love you cute clothes, your cool Indigo hair, and your amazing hourglass figure! 

Tanjiro would be understanding about your shyness around other people, though wouldn’t personally understand it himself. But that won’t stop him from trying to make sure that you feel comfortable around his friends and such! And oh boy, once you do get comfortable enough to show all of them your funny confident side, Tanjiro’s eyes will become literal hearts for you! He will fin d it extremely endearing when you talk about things that you love and things that give you inpiration! And just as Alphonse will do, Tanjiro will find things that will help you get more inspirations and more motivation to be creative!

Tanjiro will notice that you are a bit floaty, in the sense that you get distracted a lot, which is perfectly fine for him, he is the kind of person that has dealt with that and knows how to help you back to the grounds of reality! But sometimes, Tanjiro will let you do you thing, whatever it may be, from thinking about something else entirely or maybe just letting you stay in your daydream! He mostly does it because he the look on your face whenever you go into your little dreamland intrigues. He always wonders what you are thinking about whether it be your next project or something about the flowers in the garden! He just likes staring and watching, his heart beating rapidly because of how cute it is!

He would love if you were to tell him your ideas, run it by him so that he can be a part of the creative adventure! Tell him about a new book you want to write or maybe a piece of art that you want to paint! And if by chance, the painting would be a portrait of him, he will smile and excitedly pose for the painting! He wants to be there every step of the way even if he doesn’t really know what is going on!

All in all, I feel like you and Tanjiro would make a fantastic couple! He will help you get out of your shell a little but, but still support you when you need to be a lone to recharge! He will be there for you when you have amazing ideas for a book or a picture that you want to make! Tanjiro will be the one to make you feel confident and feel great about yourself with how much love he will shower on you! So make sure to give some of that love back to him!

Vulcan! So, I chose Vulcan purely for the aesthetic, like come on. You have this amazing lolita look going on with the cool hair and the and the nice sense if style mixed in with his tattoos and rocker look, and his hair and iron personality, it just makes so much sense to pair you up with him! His personality is outgoing, loud, and rambunctious. It’s something that can really combat your shy demeanor in a good way. The way you see him conversing with other people, they way he would make you feel comfortable around because he is with you will help you tremendously! He will make sure you will never feel overwhelmed ever again, and knowing him he will most likely try to fight that overwhelming feelings himself. On another note, I feel that out of all three of these guys, Vulcan would be the most into your body! He wou0d loves the curves and just, the way you look in clothing, he just love it so much! 

As for your floaty mind and your daydreaming, he would find it a extremely endearing and kind of irritating at times, but mostly endearing. What makes it irritating for him is when you do it for too long and you accidentally fall and hurt yourself or something along those lines. He just doesn’t want you to hurt yourself! He also doesn’t want you to forget things, but he would learn to live with it by putting little notes all around your shared space, making sure that you don’t forget at least the important things, such as doctors appointments or  bills that need to be paid! 

Vulcan will be the type to constantly want to embarrass you, so if you show him any affection and he returns then sees you get all flustered by his affections, you will be in for a long ride! He will shower you in hugs and kisses just to see how red you can get! Is it mean? Yes, but does he really care? No, not when you look so cute when you are blushing! He can’t handle it! But he does it cause he loves you, and if anything it is more of an excuse to give you more hugs and kisses!

On another note, he will be absolutely love how creative you are! I mean, look at him, you and Vulcan can do wonders to the worlds with both of your creative minds working together! So, all in all, I think that you and Vulcan would make a fantastic couple in the fire force universe. He will treat you spectacularly, with care and with lots of love! So make sure you give him your all too!