#heartbreak high fan fiction

[ashkgray]

Fan-fiction Requests [ OPEN! ]

Hello! I'm Gray, a writer and comic artist with a couple published works. Right now, I'm opening fan-fiction requests! Read the rules below the cut, drop your request in my inbox and I might write it and post it on AO3. Hate it? Welp, no money lost there. Love it? Great! Consider tipping me through Ko-fi! That's all!

An ever-changing list of the media I'm willing to write fics for can be found here.

I'm most likely to write for whatever's in bold. If you don't see a fandom in there but still want to see me write a fic for it, feel free to inbox me asking if I've seen it before sending a request in! Same goes for ships. I've too many things on there to list my ship preferences, so feel free to inquire about those too.

What I WON'T write:

Outright smut. Trust me, I won't do it right. SLIGHT foreplay and fade-to-blacks work fine though.

Pedophilia and Adult/Minor ships, incest, non-con, dub-con and other such bullshit.

Fics for media I'm unfamiliar with.

Anything I'm uncomfortable with.

Mulit-chap fics. ( Unless I feel like it )

What I WILL write:

Shipfics, even for ships I'm not into.

Platonic, familial, antagonistic, queerplatonic relationships and whatever else.

Fics where a character develops in one way or the other.

Fics where a character devolves.

Fix-its. ( Especially for BBC Merlin. )

First and third-person fics ( but third person is preferred ).

Here's a sample of my writing in the form of a quick mini-fic.

She was an Opera Singer. Shoddy but blessed with the luck of a thousand clovers. He was an architect. Top of the line. Designed the very site of their demise. I met them both on the same day. They didn’t seem to know one another and yet the glint in her eyes was so in-tune with his that I first pegged them for lovers.  I’m here to assure you they were certainly not. She had a husband that wasn’t him, and he had a wife that wasn’t her. It just so happened that they were in a similar predicament. Coincidentally. Otherwise there’s no way they would’ve come to me.  I took care of it at a fair price: a couple of dollars and two lifelong friendships. Lifelong for them, that is. My life's still ongoing.  It was throughout the span of that friendship with me that something not particularly favourable had blossomed betwixt them. A ponderable passion. It was nothing sensual or emotional, but maybe spiritual– it was like they were both part of something the rest of the world wasn’t in on.  You know– one day she came up to me and she said something to the effect of... “I wish we’d both just disappear together”  But also without one another.  Her eyes told me the latter bit.  I didn’t expect them to go out like that, though. Definitely not. I didn’t even know she could sew! Oh and with that joint will, too, no less! How ironic.  Somehow, they look happier this way.  But, what do I know, right?  I’m nothing but a humble apothecary, really, nothing more.  That’s all I can tell you — because it’s all I know. So won’t you go on with that marvel of a will now? It’s getting late. 

I'd recommend only tipping after you see the fic just to make sure you didn't send money out for something you don't like. This is also because I reserve the right not to fulfill every single request. So the only way to be sure it'll come through is to wait 'till the fic is up!

[mattsturniolosmuse]

Meant To Be

Hey guys! I'm making a fan fiction series about Douglas "Cash" Piggott from Heartbreak High. It is rated 18+, and includes some sexual scenes. MINORS DO NO INTERACT. It is a Douglas x Reader fan-fic. I will be posting 1 part a week.

Introduction of the cast:

Ayesha Madon as Amerie:

Thomas Weatherall as Malakai:

Chloe Hayden as Quinni:

Josh Heuston as Dusty:

Asher Yasbincek as Harper:

Will McDonald as Cash:

James Majoos as Darren:

Bryn Chapman Parish as Spencer:

Enjoy!

[alasarys]

Recommended books for the drivers from BookPeople, Austin, Texas (insta)

Daniel Ricciardo: Friday Night Lights – "... every Friday night from September to December, when the Permian High School Panthers play football, this West Texas town becomes a place where dreams can come true."

Lando Norris: Assassin's Apprentice – "Fitz ... must give up his old ways and embrace a new life of weaponry, scribing, courtly manners; and how to kill a man secretly, as he trains to become a royal assassin."

Alex Albon: My Brilliant Friend – "... a rich, intense and generous-hearted story about two friends ... a touching meditation on the nature of friendship."

Logan Sargeant: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood – "hilarious, delicious, and brutal"

Yuki Tsunoda: A Cook's Tour – "the unpredictable adventures of America's boldest and bravest chef."

Carlos Sainz: Great American Golf Stories – "some of the best classic writings, both fact and realistic fiction, that reflect the rich history, tradition, agony, and ecstasy of one of our most enduring and endearing pastimes."

Oscar Piastri: Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting – "It turns out that talking to strangers can teach you about the world around you--and even more about yourself."

Lance Stroll: Infinite Jest – "Set in an addicts' halfway house and a tennis academy, and featuring the most endearingly screwed-up family to come along in recent fiction, Infinite Jest explores essential questions about what entertainment is and why it has come to so dominate our lives; about how our desire for entertainment affects our need to connect with other people; and about what the pleasures we choose say about who we are."

Charles Leclerc: Every Good Boy Does Fine – "[Denk] reminds us that we must never stop asking questions about music and its purposes: consolation, an armor against disillusionment, pure pleasure, a diversion, a refuge, and a vehicle for empathy."

Lewis Hamilton: The Boy with a Bird in his Chest – "A heartbreaking yet hopeful novel about the things that make us unique and lovable, The Boy with a Bird in His Chest grapples with the fear, depression, and feelings of isolation that come with believing that we will never be loved, let alone accepted, for who we truly are, and learning to live fully and openly regardless."

Max Verstappen: Atomic Habits – "Atomic Habits will reshape the way you think about progress and success, and give you the tools and strategies you need to transform your habits--whether you are a team looking to win a championship ..."

Zhou Guanyu: A Visible Man ��� "When Edward Enninful became the first Black editor-in-chief of British Vogue, few in the world of fashion wanted to confront how it failed to represent the world we live in. But Edward, a champion of inclusion throughout his life, rapidly changed that."

Pierre Gasly: Misery – "He's a bestselling novelist who has finally met his biggest fan. Her name is Annie Wilkes and she is more than a rabid reader – she is Paul's nurse, tending his shattered body after an automobile accident. But she is also his captor, keeping him prisoner in her isolated house."

Valtteri Bottas: Foundryside – "To have a chance at surviving ... Sancia will have to marshal unlikely allies ... and undergo her own transformation ..."

Fernando Alonso: The House of the Spirits – "an enthralling saga that spans decades and lives, twining the personal and the political into an epic novel of love, magic, and fate."

Kevin Magnussen: The Daily Dad – "366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids"

Sergio Perez: Bad Feminist – "an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better"

Building on the excellent work by @vegasgrandprix and @kritischetheologie

[farm-witches-fic-recs]

Farm witch friends, you have done the coven proud.

We've got so many good recs it's going to take a few weeks to share them all!

Starting with these that were recommended more than once, if you haven't spend some time with these fan favorites, you should check them out now! And leave the authors some love, of course.

========

Everyday Magic (houdini74/@mostlyinthemorning)

Each magic story is so unique, so sweet, so... D&P! 

I couldn’t pick just one of these wonderfully variable scenarios that all include just a little (or maybe a lot of) magic added to the perfect scene setting and banter. 

Favored Nations (@blueink3)

ALL OF IT! It’s my go-to when I’m feeling down, when I need to revise our boys. The characters, writing, and plot are all amazing. 

Amazing world building, very in character slow burn.

The ultimate slow burn, the perfect love story set amongst the wonders of Broadway and NYC.

It’s just so, so good!  I am a sucker for secret romance fics, and this one has that and so much more.  Add in some Shakespearean theater with a twist and just the right amount of angst and sexiness, it’s just perfect! I love it so much.  

This author knows David, Patrick, and the NY theater world inside and out. The volume and level of specificity, volume, tenderness, anxiety, and love of these characters and worlds is astounding. The characterization is so vivid, it's the easiest fic to forget isn't canon.

Fifteen hundred miles (morehuman)

I go back to this fic a lot! I just love the idea of them both challenging themselves and finding out what they are capable of.

The most incredible journey, a gift to go along with them in it.

I carry these heart-shapes only for you (@ladyflowdi and @ships-to-sail)

I love this transportative, visual feast of historic fiction. Luscious WW2 Paris is so vividly portayed and David’s wild, wealthy, LGBTIQ+out flamboyance juxtaposed to the farm-boy turned military-man Patrick is sexy and sweet. It undoes me every time. I actually first came to the piece via FairManor’s outstanding podfic. Both the text and the podfic are high art. It’s not just one of my favorite fan-fics. It’s one of my favorite stories of ALL time in any genre. I read/listen and I am at the Gaston, riding on the back of Patrick’s motorcycle, kissing in windmills, eating crepes, touring junk shops & dancing naked to 40’s blues. I’d give anything to see this as a film with Dan & Noah & cast. I want a leather bound print copy of it. Also - The epilogue is progressive, heartbreaking thoughtful genius. I’ve just finished rereading & listening to it again. Each time there are new Easter eggs to be found. Joyous. 

It's just the most beautiful piece of writing ever written. Descriptive, lyrical, hot, stunning, heartbreaking. It has everything. 

I’d swing with you for the fences (@nontoxic-writes)

Achingly sweet and fluffy all set in the perfect baseball/famous AU with secret relationship AND musician Patrick. I come back to reread this one a lot!

What isn't there to love?  Baseball, long distance relationship, sex, songs, coming out to the parents, coming out to the team, coming out to the world, excellent use of side characters....I could go on and on.  There are so many amazing fics out there, but I've read this one at least a dozen times! 

Incorrect (@lisamc-21)

You can hear David saying it, but now picture the Maldives.

A beautifully written story of our boys meeting on vacation. Their trip is so sweet and so hot, and when they say goodbye, it's heartbreaking. The twist- they are both famous in their own worlds but don’t recognize each other so don’t realize who the other has hooked up with. When their week ends, they try to maintain a long-distance friendship as they learn who the other is. What was a hot hookup becomes a slow burn, and it’s amazing!!

The Last Rose Video (@distractivate)

Gorgeous writing, the perfect mix of canon and AU, clever plot, great dialogue.  The fic I read over and over.  It’s as comforting as a warm blanket. 

Swoon. SWOON.

Strike Anywhere (@madlori)

Hot firefighters. Hot sex. Hot romance. But like in a Sandra loves Keanu sliding out of a speeding bus kind of way.

Hot hot hot!  That’s the first work. Then- the author developed a prequel that is also hot but is also funny, loving, sweet. Love fireman Patrick!

This enemies-to-lovers-to-secret-husbands story featuring Patrick Brewer as a firefighter, is deliciously tropey and blazing hot, but also it’s written with such authentic emotion and perfect banter that it keeps me coming back to read it whenever I need a mood lift. 

Such great heights (@likerealpeopledo-on-ao3)

Great story, the very best jokes, and the wedding date chapter is so good it would work as a stand alone fic. 

It's got the mother of all fake dating scenarios, and Stevie in this in among the best I've ever read her. It's also very very funny. All the times when they say Feel The Air crack me up every time!

Sustineo (@rockinhamburger)

This is a perfectly paced one-shot AU that builds a world in which David is a brilliant, stormy, reclusive artist whose whose treatment by the press (and one Sebastien Raine) has made him unwilling to engage with the world…. Until he meets an intuitive and kind art writer who sees him for everything that he is (and can be). All of characters here are perfect and I love the descriptions of David’s art. 

Incredibly hot art fic.

You can fall (sweetsirius/@wordthieve)

It takes the David and Patrick rescue each other theme of the show and makes the stakes even higher. Plus it's just a genuinely beautiful piece of writing.

The story arc and pacing are fantastic. I love how David and Patrick's relationship develops and how Patrick learns to open himself up again after grief. It's incredibly well written. I've read it so many times, from full read thrus to dipping in and out of my favorite moments and chapters.

Patrick is so heartbroken, but then he meets David. So romantic, and feels lived in.

[allamericanb-tch]

taylor swift songs that aren’t about her exes

mean - regarding people saying she doesn’t write her own songs 

long live - dedicated to her band and her fans

never grow up - dedicated to her younger self

you are in love - written for jack antanoff and his partner

blank space - satirical song written about the media painting her as a serial dater and insane woman

shake it off - ignore the haters

a place in this world - feelings regarding fitting in 

mary’s song - falling in love and settling down (not personal experience)

fifteen - dedicated to 15 year old taylor and abigail

change - bringing change to the world

the best day - about her love to her family

epiphany - dedicated to her grandfather

closure - feud with her old label

marjorie - dedicated to her grandma

miss americana & the heartbreak prince - uses the metaphor of high school to represent the american political situation

me! - just a fun song

the archer - anxiety (represent by the lack of a beat drop)

the man - double standards and misogyny 

tied together with a smile - her friends eating disorder

forever winter - about her friend who overdosed

ronan - dedicated to a little boy who died from cancer

22 - a fun party song

champagne problems - mental health

no body no crime - fun murder mystery song

the lucky one - fame and the struggles that come with it

starlight - dedicated to ethel kennedy

nothing new - insecurities and feeling unwanted

cardigan - made up love triangle from betty’s perspective

betty - james perspective

august - augustine’s perspective

mad woman - female anger / when women are angry they’re painted as “crazy” by society

mirrorball - changing yourself to fit in

this is me trying - burnout

dorothea - presumably about selena gomez

ivy - a story of unrequited love

exile - a story for folklore

cowboy like me - story for evermore

tolerate it - unappreciated love

look what you made me do - feud with the kardashians/jenners

this is why we can’t have nice things - kardashians/jenner feud backstabbing

i did something bad - feud

seven - childhood friends

you belong with me - friend in a toxic relationship but with a romantic twist

hey stephen - a fun love song she wrote as a kid

enchanted - about developing a crush on the guy from owl city

the other side of the door - not about her own love life

willow - casual love song

gold rush - crushing on someone everyone is crushing on and romanticizing them and the idea of a relationship and then ultimately realizing it’s just a fantasy and it fading away

happiness - looking forward to happiness even if there isn’t any right now

evermore - mental health

right where you left me - story for evermore

it’s time to go - encouraging people to leave toxic situations

you need to calm down - gay rights

afterglow

it’s nice to have a friend - having a friend

the 1 - story

my tears ricochet - leaving her old label and breaking ties with scott borchetta

illicit affairs - aNoThEr story

invisible string - story

peace 

hoax - possibly about her old label

the lakes - want to leave the toxicity of social media and run away/escape

superstar - being starstruck

jump then fall - having a crush 

untouchable - cover

love story - romeo and juliet but happy ending

ready for it

delicate

gorgeous

i wish you would

bad blood - feud with katy perry

how you get the girl - tutorial basically

clean - parallels between coming clean and leaving a toxic relationship

new romantics - fun song / youth experience

innocent - kanye / response to his song about her (“i made that b**** famous”)

i’m only me when i’m with you - dedicated to friends and family

christmas tree farm - childhood

call it what you want - reputation

new year’s day

only the young - used for political campaign for democrats

today was a fairytale - for a movie

sweeter than fiction - for a movie

both of us

beautiful ghosts - for a movie

renegade - hurting someone when they try to help you

breathe - growing apart from friends

eyes open - for a movie

safe and sound - for a movie

crazier - for a movie

the last great american dynasty - rebekah harkness (previous owner of her rhode island home)

i don’t wanna live forever - for a movie

the way i loved you - inspired by the notebook

teardrops on my guitar - about a crush

better than revenge

speak now - story

everything has changed

run

better man - wrote for little big town

ours

wildest dreams

message in a bottle

death by a thousand cuts - based on a movie (someone great)

soon you’ll get better - moms cancer

dancing with our hands tied - about how she didn’t want to put joe through the harassment she gets from the media but him refusing to break up with her

carolina - for a movie

lavender haze - addressing public opinions and rumors about her relationship with joe

you’re on your own kid - takes you through her life

karma - scooter braun

bejeweled — confidence

dear reader — advice

sweeter than fiction - written for a movie

only the young — political injustice

when emma falls in love — emma (stone)

castles crumbling — september 2009 vma’s 

timeless — written about her grandmas first love

clara bow

i hate it here

thanK you aIMee

cassandra

the bolter

[worldsfromhoney]

Greetings, plebeians

This is your resident unknown and attention-depraved author/writer, BEE/bee/beE/🐝

Here’s some stuff about moi:

I like… tea. YES I LIKE TEA 🍵🍵🍵 it’s quite honestly the greatest invention of all time

I also like reading. That’s kinda like a hobby that all writers are mandated to say. Which is reasonable.

I’m a fan of miniatures and piano. Yeah, I did try them out. Yeah, I did fail spectacularly, thank you! ☺️

I also like painting but the therapy one and not just a blank canvas that sucks the soul out of artists lol

What do I write?

I write… stuff. BEAUTIFUL, HEARTBREAKING STUFF, mind you. But it’s still stuff, so lemme elaborate.

Speculative fiction - if you idk this, it’s really just a mix of fantasy and sci-fi; the ‘what if’ genre

Urban fantasy - don’t get me wrong, I love high fantasy, but urban is waaay easier to worldbuild

Steampunk & other punks - PUUUUNK 🤘🤘🤘

Horror and thriller - mostly psychological and body horror, don’t worry! I don’t do jump scares or anything ☺️

Slice of life - mwah my heart and soul mwah

Others - yes, I am capable of doing other genres 😤 I’m a multi-faceted bee, you know?

DISCLAIMER: what I write might only reflect upon my psyche and state of mind but that is not a guarantee

My WiPs

I am proud to say that… I DO NOT HAVE ANY!!

*gasp* what ever do you mean bee? Are you quitting writing? *sobs*

No, my darlings.

i just have no big projects to boast about right now. I feel like big projects aint my thing at the moment and pushing myself only led me to disappear from the internet for a month 😞

What i do have are short works i randomly choose to write and post here on tumblr !!

✨ FICLET MASTERLIST IS HERE ✨

🐝 POETRY MASTERLIST IS HERE TOO 🐝

If you’re interested, please comment on this post or reblog or DM me if you want to be put in the taglist!!

Does that mean you accept… requests?

…………yes. Yes i do. Go and flood my askbox you plebs !

Am I anywhere else?

Please. It’s 2023. Of course I’m… everywhere *cue evil laugh*

Bluesky - if you haven’t heard it yet, tis the new Twitter… cuz it’s literally made by the old creators of that glorious blue bird *cue a moment of silence*

Tiktok or Twitter - do not look for me here

Tumblr - EYYYYYYYYYYY i post ALL my stuff here !! They’re really just bait to hook some writer friends 🥹

Ko-Fi - ehem ehem i know first drafts are considered shite but BUT i have decided to make them available for perusal yes you can burn your eyes to anyone who buys me a cup of tea ~

Patreon - i finally have one!! I’m still setting it up tho and prepping all the content 💛💛💛

I’ll be doing a patreon soon enough actually so look out for that

How I organise myself

Well i wish this is applicable to actual life because i’d very much like to know how 🫡

Jk, here be the tags:

#bee writes some stuff - my micros, my flash fics, my text posts

#bee plays some games - tag games !! which i have never played before till now !!

#bee does some prompts - this will definitely see the light of day… someday

#bee stalking some writers - what it says on the tin

#bee answers some asks - omg i only added this because someone actually sent me one *faints*

#bee saves some stuff - there are way too many resource posts that i’ve scrolled past cuz idk how to tag

[mchlgayser]

─── LOATHE TO LOVE YOU ft michael kaiser ☆

synopsis: he is the campus's jock, the heartthrob, and the heartbreaker but that didn't stop you to devote yourself to him. you want him, need him even but when you are tangled in his mess, you find yourself loathe to love him.

warning: (16+) mature content, depressive content, a brief mention of a friend with benefits, languages, breakdown, shitty male lead + dumb lovestruck female lead, and alternative universe aka au.

daily note: what i wrote is purely fiction, listen guys, if any person is like this no second chance should be tolerated but because this is fiction i think imma still go with it. kaiser is jiwon, jiwon is kaiser. you are DG, DG is you. that's it.

The campus hall is packed with students going in and out but what's more to it is Michael Kaiser. He is with his circle of friends talking and joking with each other, completely ignoring the lousy whines from his bunch of fan girls. Well, you are no exception, always pestering him with gifts but what makes you different than the rest of them is that you knows him since high school. You always had feelings for the said boy but he sees you the same way he did with everyone else.

They go around in a circle taking pictures of the two most popular guys on campus, Kaiser and Isagi. Kaiser rejected some of them only picking up the cute and pretty ones while Isagi had his hands full with a bunch of expensive chocolate and ridiculous gifts. They finally left the hall once the bell chimed. You walk in Kaiser's direction gifting them with a medium-sized box of his favorite flavored chocolate. 'I made them.' You said smiling at him. He looks at you, yanking the box away 'Yes, thanks.' He left the hall leaving you pout to yourself.

'He is never like that but with you.' Your friend reminded you with her arms crossed 'Shut it, Lesley,' She shrug and then left 'Let's go.'

You sat on a vacant chair beside Lesley, your books litter on the table as you pull out your laptop and your pencil case 'Look at them over there, bitching around again.' Lesley pointed to Kaiser and his recent girlfriend, Mya. The blonde girl twirls her hair at him with seductive eyes making you internally gawk at the sight. Kaiser whispers something over to her making her blush and then giggle cutely.

You pout to yourself eyeing them for some time before your lecturer came inside the lecturing room to teach. She scattered to her place placing a messy, lip-coating kiss on his lip before muttering goodbyes.

You stare upfront writing everything down mind elsewhere. You know you are in no position to be upset over something so silly and stupid but is it wrong? You liked him. That's what's wrong.

Once the period ended, you headed outside with Lesley to the lounge room to study 'Aren't you going to the cafeteria?' She said catching up to you. You shake your head 'Not hungry. Go and tell them I said hi.' You refer to your friends and leave her there.

The lounge room was not crowded like usual but a few people is studying. You sat by a vacant place pulling out your book and a pair of headset to listen to music - rather a weird sound of waves and rain pit pattering.

You highlighted a part in the book and at times you swirl it around your fingers while reading before suddenly your headset is snatched off 'Watch it-' As you peek up, you see Kaiser, with a smug smile plaster on his stupidly attractive face. Your voice stuck at the back of your throat seeing him so up close 'Mind I take a seat?' He says, looking around before throwing your headset back to you.

You mindlessly nod moving your bag to the floor and allowing him to seat next to you. He says nothing but stares at you with an unreadable expression. You coughs catching his attention 'Yes?' You hated how you sounded, so inaudible and in love.

He shrugs 'I thought I might give you something that's yours.' He handed something from the back of his jeans pocket and it was a small letter that is smother with kisses. Your eyes gawk forward pulling yourself up and snatch the letter - tried to because he hid it behind him.

'Don't you wanna know my answer.' You shake your head profusely making he snorted 'It's a no. I don't like you.' You gulp at his straightforwardly answer but nod nonetheless. 'I didn't mean this to slipped. I'll be careful next time, now can you give it back?' You try again but once you almost made it he suddenly pulled your waist and you lose balance.

Your nose touches at the harsh contact making him laugh. 'Reckless.' He poke your cheek pushing you up and gives the letter back to you 'But.' He begins away making your brows arched together.

'We can commit to something that requires no such thing as love.' Your ears perked at his words 'Friend?' He shrug at you 'Sure but... With a pinch of fun.' He joked as you started to queasy in your seat 'Like what?' He shrug with his kissable lip making you subconsciously bite yours. He held your hands 'Have heard of friends with benefits?' You flinch at his soft touch and then averting your gaze on him.

You nodded making him smirk 'Then, what do you think?' He man spread before you with his arms spread. His face looks suggestive and hot too.

Your hand sweats with anxiety but you nod at him.

It's been a week since your last talk with Kaiser - at the campus. Of course, no one knew about you being his property now, or at least that's what he always murmurs during your days together. Surprisingly and fortunately he broke things off with Mya right after the deal due to the agreement you both come up with and he's pretty much available right now which leaves tons of confession letters inside his locker.

Right now you are on your way to the football field because you wanted to see him and there you see him practicing football with his teammates occasionally leaving you glances from afar. You smile thinking to yourself how lucky you are to be close enough with him. Your dream came true like heavy rain. You watch him passing the ball back and forth with Isagi when their coach calls them out to discuss something.

You heard multiple shrieking from far below you belonging to his fan girls when he lift his jersey to wipe his sweats off. One girl came running to the railing blowing him a flirty kiss to which he reply. You frown at the interaction but paid no more attention to them when you see Kaiser wink your way and send a smile. You wave at him cautiously, scared his horny fan girls would be noticed.

Kaiser suddenly emerges to the railing bringing Isagi with him, you stalk them talking to the girls but Isagi keeps glaring your way sending you a smile of... Pity?

You keep waiting until the practice finished and the girls are gone but Kaiser is nowhere in sight. You look around spotting no one but Isagi by the tunnel. He walks to you with a small smile on his face 'Kaiser left.' You stood up 'Oh really, he didn't call me though.' You held the back of your nape and give him an awkward grin.

He hums 'It's late, want me to send you to your dorm?' You shake your head 'No, it's okay. I'm good.' He insisted and ended sending you to your place.

In the meantime, you get to know Isagi, he talks all about himself on your way to your dorm and you laugh at his poor attempt to make you laugh despite your down state.

'Kaiser said you both are a thing now, is that true?' Your gaze fall to the floor in shame, now he might have thought of the worst, would he? 'Please don't think of the worst. I'm not one to judge.' You lend him a smile, thanking him.

You two get in the elevator in silence and the door opens 'I can take it from here-'

'No, let me send you to your doorstep.' He chuckles slightly pushing you by your waist. You nodded going on like he said to your doorstep 'Thanks, Isagi.' He nodded, you see him being reluctant before pulling you into a tight hug 'I hope we can be friends too, just usual friends.' He laughs making you laugh too.

The next day, Kaiser came to your dorm when Lesley left and make himself at home 'Where were you, last night? You left without telling me?' He shrugs a shoulder at you 'Should I and should you?' You give him a confused look 'Should I tell and should you know?' You scoff 'Being a jerk again, do we agree on being friends with benefits or enemies with benefits, Kaiser?' He laughs 'You come up with most of the terms, no relationship and such but I can't. This is a fucking game not a love thing like you imagined inside your head. I'm not your boyfriend to escort you home and such.' You scoff in disbelief 'You. You are a dick.' He says nothing but stood up, leaning into your arms 'Can we just forget about it? I'm stressed.' He rests his chin on your shoulder giving your arm a light squeeze. You groan but hum anyways.

And he started it, peppering your neck with feathery kisses and roaming your body.

You yawn to yourself, and a slap to your back 'Focus.' Lesley said continuing with her tutoring. You hums looking back on the screen but mind elsewhere. 'Alright that's it. What is the matter with you.' You slump your head harshly on the table leaving a light scrape but that's doesn't matter.

'Kaiser.'

She did a face 'What about the asshole? Goodness gracious, you won't believe it when I tell you your so dreamy crush had been banging Mya back inside the locker room.' Your eyes widen at her words 'Again?' She sighed, rolling her eyes at you 'Don't make me repeat that nasty thing, he banged her. Last night. Public!' You gasp at her utterance 'What? What about it?' You shake your head, cleaning your stuff up 'I'm leaving, meeting someone, see you!'

You run all across the campus to meet him, sit down and talk but instead, you bumped into someone. Isagi groans at the harsh impact of his butt on the floor but upon seeing you in a much-devastated state, he set his pain aside and checks on you. Your body lay flat on the floor with your chest heaving up and down aggressively, tired from the continuous running. 'Where is, Kaiser?' Your voice croaks at the end of your sentence. Isagi pulls you up going in straight for a hug and soothe your back.

'I like him. He knows that. He take advantage of him. I know that. But why does it still hurt? I like him so much but he don't. I know that but why does it sting so bad. It aches like someone stabbed my heart with it.' He lets your pour your broken heart out 'Kaiser...' He suddenly mentions 'He always like that.'

Well, that didn't help but 'Thanks, Yo.' You sniffle, he laugh at your poor attempt you wipe the tears that never once stopped falling. 'It's okay not to be okay, you know?' You give him a tight hug once more making him smile.

One month since the incident and you broke things off with Kaiser. You never answered his calls or his texts, you left him on your doorstep to freeze to death if he may. It wasn't smooth - your sailings but with the help of a few friends and especially Lesley and Isagi, you've been better. You told Lesley about it a week after and instead of being a total mad clown, she nag you and comforted you instead, always there to help you and Isagi is no different.

He always there to help you in and outside the campus, accompanying you to your favourite cafe, your hang-out places like the bookshop, the local bakery, and shops all over town. Thanks to him for being helpful, never bringing up Kaiser once knowing it will hurt you and leave your scar to bleed again.

Kaiser on the other hand still enjoying his youthful life, parties, girls, and sexes but not until he realized the void left in his heart after you blocked him. He knows you are incompetent, the first day he agreed to be your friend with benefits he knew either way you'll catch feelings but he still plays along, for the sake of his old feeling that he never knew were still there, left buried and untouched.

He used to like you, or at least that's what he claimed to be.

He sees you walk from the door of his class to your seat, the way your flutter seeing him and shy away when he smirks at you but then, that's it. You never paid him attention until you both graduated and parted ways but not until you and him came across each other on your first day at college and since then you started pestering him during his college years. He wants to play hard to get as you did and so he did.

Until he notices a letter slip from your bag. He picked it up, read it and confronts you.

The minute he learned to know you better, he became petrified because sooner or later he'll catch a feeling. The old feeling he felt way back will resurface in you like nothing. He scared to commit. He never know how to love not until he met you but he is still scared and insecure. Yes, as vain and arrogant he can be, with you he's always fidgety, nervous and scared.

That day, the day he was sure he likes you, no, love you even, he acted in vain. He had sex with Mya out of panic and ended up blowing you off. He knew he disappointed you and that's why right now he's doing and fighting every urge not to just invade your space and talk it out with you.

He tried it with Isagi but the latter would always cut him off and went into full protective mode. 'I told you not to talk about her again, Mihya. You hurt her. Truly.' Kaiser held his hair in frustration 'I regretted it, okay. I love her and I want to talk to her, now. Please?' Isagi look between him and the ground 'Fuck it, fine. But let me talk it out with Lesley first.'

Kaiser can hear your friend lousy shouts 'Tell him to fuck off, can't ya'?' But she was cut in and then Isagi nods.

'You can but if you messed up, me and Lesley will come for your head.'

He started running like a manic, he ran, not stopping until he was sure he was right on your doorstep. His head sweats, both anxious and tired.

The second he's at your doorstep, he knocks on it like crazy. You on the other, leisurely, walk to the door and twist it open. Kaiser stood before you, panting hard. You fidget with the hem of your shirt. No words were exchanged until he said 'Want to go outside?' You sniffle slip on your slipper and walk out with him. Kaiser did notice the change in your appearance. Your hair is blocked from his view by the head of your hoodie, your eyes stare at the ground like it's the most fascinating thing in the world.

You two sat by a vacant bench at your residence's public park and settle down in silence 'Why do you come?' You croaks, had he not pay attention he would missed your almost-inaudible whisper.

'I...' He starts, nerve picking up like he had a marathon - he did but he's sure it wasn't because of it. 'I'm sorry.' He sighed, head drop to the ground in shame and regret 'What I did is beyond forgiven. I chose to betrayed you, I'm sorry Y/n. I'm sorry I did what I did just because I was selfish and scared.' The next word to leave his lip shocked you 'I like you. I'm sorry for what I did and I know it doesn't justify my actions to act reckless like that. I hope you can forgive me.' Your voice crack a broken wails as you cry another time that week.

'You are an asshole!' He nods agreeing.

'You are a dick for making me feel this way!'

'I wish you will rot in hell!'

He grips his fists tight, lip biting 'But why, why can't I find myself to hate you, hurt you the way you did? Why do I crave you every night after you broke me? Am I stupid?' He hesitates to bring you inside the warmth of his hug and shushes you 'It's okay, I'm sorry. So sorry, Y/n.' He caressed your head leaving butterfly kisses causing your stomach to a rabble of euphoria.

You reply to his hug with a short squeeze and whine 'Don't hurt me again, will you?' He hums placing another kiss to your head.

'So sorry, love.'

[safetycar-restart]

KINKTOBER DAY 2: BOYPUSSY [MICK SCHUMACHER X READER]

Note: this is an NSFW imagine with Dom!reader and sub!Mick. If you are under 18 or uninterested in this, scroll past. If you think you might like it, then click read more and maybe check out the rest of my blog!

Every day of October I'll be posting a different kinky concept with one or more motorsports people as well as discussing that concept more on my blog. So you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

(Boypussy is an AU often used in fan fiction where some men have pussies)

Mick is a virgin when he meets you, something which he doesn't tell you because no one would assume that. He's a virgin because he doesn't want to tell anyone the truth, that he's one of the few men born without a penis. He's had partners before who have shied away the moment he's told them, and it's just heartbreaking.

And then he meets you and he likes you so much! You go on dates and hold hand and kiss and you make him smile and laugh and cuddle him and even buy him flowers and holy fuck he likes you so so much.

Which means it's so much worse because he knows his heart will just break if you turn him down.

Mick is so shy about it, taking months of dating and soft kisses before he even considers telling you the truth. Originally he told himself he would tell you after the first kiss, but then he just couldnt because he couldnt help but think that you'd be upset with him and leave.

And the problem is that he gets turned on so easily with you? You kiss him and hold him close and kiss his neck and chest and he gets so turned on so quickly that he's genuinely surprised he hasn't leaked through his panties before.

And he's never had this issue before, has never struggled to keep control like this. But then you kiss him softly and call him a good boy and say how pretty he is and holy fuck he needs to excuse himself before he ends up humping your thigh.

Eventually he does tell you, but only after you sit him down and try to establish boundaries. You wanted to make sure you knew what was and wasn't okay, because Mick always seemed really into it when you were making out and then he'd pull away and become really shy. You just need to make sure that you aren't pressuring him or making him uncomfortable.

When you ask him, he just wants to start crying because he does want to do more than just kiss you. He wants to SO badly! He's so so desperate for it and he needs it so bad but he can't.

You see he's getting upset so you quickly shut down the conversation, promising him that you down expect sex from him and just want to know what to do to make him more comfortable. Which just... well now he is crying because damnit can you please stop making him feel so safe and loved he's gonna flood his underwear again.

So he tells you, well he sobs it out and your heart just breaks oh, oh this is all? He really thinks you wouldn't like that?

So naturally you kiss him softly and hug him close, promising him that you love him regardless and that you would feel so privileged to take the next step with him, but that it is entirely his decision.

He ends up just sitting with you for a little bit, cuddling against your chest until eventually he looks up and kisses you. You end up kissing for a little bit, until he starts to rub his thighs together a bit and that's when you ask if he's getting turned on.

He nods, blushing bright red and burying his head in your shoulder because it feels so good, and he wants so much more.

And well... there's no way you're gonna leave him hanging.

He's so sensitive? You have to be extra soft with him, softly stroking his inner thigh until he relaxes and then gently rubbing your thumb over his clit, listening to his high whines. Maybe you even have to hold his hand?

He's never had anyone else touch him there before, and he's so so responsive, shaking as he cries and cums all over your hand.

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.

[liriostigre]

Hiiii ty for such a great uquiz!! Would it be possible to see the description of all the books you could get matched to? I’m curious what the vibes are for the rest!!

hi 🌷 here you go:

White Teeth by Zadie Smith: Excessive, maximalist and very ambitious multigenerational and multicultural epic novel that starts with the unlikely friendship between Archie Jones and Samad Iqbal. It explores themes of race, identity and the intersections of culture, heritage, and modernity. Clever and hilarious dialogue, very creative when it comes to language and style, unique and bold when it comes to narrative. Perhaps a flawed novel due to its ambition, but excellent nonetheless.

Despair by Vladimir Nabokov: Excellent writing; very ambitious and stylish. It is somewhat a twisted novel but you will find a lot of humor despite. The narrator speaks directly to the reader as he writes what he regards as his perfect crime. This novel is one of Nabokov's earliest works in which one can easily identify themes and literary devices that the author explored later in his most known works.

The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolaño: Brilliant and stunning novel about poets and poetry! Very dense and challenging; it requires patience from the reader. This novel is so infinitely dear to me that i can't even explain its brilliance, but i have to give you at least an idea of the plot so: The story is arranged in three parts and told from multiple points of view. It starts in Mexico City, in the 70s, and continues across decades and continents. It follows the adventures and misadventures of Arturo Belano and Ulises Lima—poets, drug dealers, wanderes, criminals. Now, about the themes, the writing, the style, the narration? Just absolutely perfect even at its most tedious, difficult and anticlimactic parts.

The Hearing Trumpet by Leonora Carrington: Unconventional, absurd, imaginative and exuberantly surreal apocalyptic fairytale quest. It follows 92 year old Marian who is sent off to a peculiar old-age home. If you aren't familiar with Leanora Carrington's art you should look at some of her paintings because this wonderful novel feels just like her surrealist paintings!

Mrs. Caliban by Rachel Ingalls: This novella tells the story of a love affair between a depressed suburban housewife and an amphibian creature who escaped a scientific research center. It might sound like a quirky fiction story but it actually deals with the most mundane and banal aspects of life and human relationships. Brilliantly written; neat and precise prose, wonderful storytelling. The author knew what she was doing and not a single word she wrote was wasted.

The Borrowers by Mary Norton: Delicately written little adventure about tiny people who live in the secret places of houses. I am enamored (obsessed!!) with miniatures—dollhouses, dioramas, fairies—so imagine how dear this book is to me.

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn: The murders of two girls bring reporter Camille Preaker back to her hometown. As she works to uncover the truth about those crimes, Camille finds herself forced to unravel the psychological puzzle of her own past. Very entertaining read. It has best seller written all over it (which might not be the biggest compliment lol but i mean for this genre so it is a compliment).

Rage by Sergio Bizzio: Claustrophobic, anxiety inducing, fast-paced psychological thriller that made me think of Bong Joon-ho's Parasite the whole 4 hours it took me to read it. I read it in it's original language, Spanish, and i particularly loved the dialogue; its idiosyncrasies and authenticity (tqm Argentina!)

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby: Rob, an obsessive music fan, reminisces his top five worst break ups to understand his most recent heartbreak. He is a very arrogant and cynical guy who defines his entire life through records, and because he is constantly interacting with music that almost exclusively deals with love—and a very idealistic version of it—he finds himself unsatisfied with the way his life has turned out.

[ohmerricat]

finished heartbreak high s2. verdict: meh. some of the storylines were satisfying and complex (cash chook darren harper) some were funny and heartbreaking at once (missy and spider’s thing; the school captain race, cumlords etc) but the main love triangle is… i don’t care about these people sorry. rowan needs therapy amerie is annoying malakai is… gone? ok. revolutionary for making the love triangle an actual triangle (everyone is bisexual and into each other’s exes) but apart from that…….

yeah i’m watching this show for quinni and quinni alone. seeing her gain independence and refuse to make herself smaller and more palatable to accommodate the bullshit expectations of her neurotypical friends? waltzing in to that housewarming party in dark eyeshadow and dancing on the table, being honest and speaking her mind, staying out of the drama and investigating for the thrill of it? watching the world around her change and grow and realising she can, too? coming up with a powerful speech on the spot and accidentally getting elected for captain? i love her so much. she is my profile picture because she is literally me. the only character in any piece of fictional media i have ever seen that is exactly like me. makes me cry if i think about her too hard. gosh

i wish angeline of the underworld was a real book series i’d probably be a massive fan

[scorbleeo]

Drama Gossip: The Spirealm (致命游戏)

Source: Google Images

It started off peculiarly; first, his domestic cat refused to let him cuddle it. Lin Qiushi soon found that a sense of disharmony and incongruity began to pervade everything around him. Then, one odd day, he pushed open a door, and he discovered that the hallway he was familiar with turned into a boundless corridor. At both ends of this corridor were twelve, identical iron gates. Thus, the story began.

Source: MyDramaList (2024)

Action, Adventure, Augmented Reality? Sign Me Up!

I do not consume everything that has the 'entering a virtual game with real life consequences' plot-line but when I do, I more or less will enjoy them. The Spirealm is exactly that plot-line and after just finishing 19th Floor (another Chinese drama with similar concept), I was expecting more and hoping for lesser disappointment.

This drama did not disappoint at all. Lets first talk about the roles and the cast. Brilliant job on the casting, everybody pulled off their role so wonderfully, it felt like they were made for their roles. As for the characters these actors portrayed, wow. I haven't been obsessed with a fictional Chinese character in such a long time but Ruan Lan Zhu is so easy to be obsessed with. The writing was brilliant because I very quickly grew attached to the main people and when shit hit the fan, yeah, I felt everything as if I was a part of them.

Spoilers going on from here so if you haven't watched the show, go and watch it now, please?

As I was saying, I was so attached to some of the characters, I really, wow... Say Li Dong Yuan first. I actually already was spoiled with his death, I even knew which door was going to cause his death yet when it happened, I physically gasped. Then his farewell scene came about and goodness gracious, Xiao Zhuang's reaction was absolutely heart-wrenching. It really did not help that right before getting stabbed, the door Dong Yuan went through for Ling Ling was one of the most entertaining and comedic doors.

After that Zao Zao's death? She was already trying her best in the real world, she tried her best in the spirealm. She gave one of the best speeches ever. Yet that chandelier... I never hated chandeliers as much as I do now.

That's the thing about The Spirealm. This show has plenty of heartbreaking scenes but at the same time, it has a bunch of hilarious scenes too. You really can go from laughing one second and then depressed the next. Exactly like when Cheng Yi Xie sacrificed himself for his brother? One second I was laughing at Lan Zhu begging for Ling Ling's forgiveness and suddenly I was pissed but before I could even get real mad, I was hit with a broken heart. This may sound like a complain but the roller coaster of emotions made this drama ten times more interesting than other dramas.

Moving on to the game or doors or levels (however you want to call them). I really, really enjoy shows with this concept but many a times, the stakes just aren't high enough. Not The Spirealm though. I mean, look at Dong Yuan, Zao Zao and Yi Xie. They are part of the main leads and that world did not go easy on them. As much as I hate that they died, I really appreciated the high stakes in this drama. It made watching the show so much more worth it.

Anyhow, despite thoroughly enjoying this drama, I have so many questions. First things first, did I miss the significance of the necklace Lan Zhu gave Ling Ling during the first door?

Also (this is not that important by the way), when the time comes, the players have no choice but through the door. We've watched Ling Ling enter his doors plenty a time. Now tell me how did Wu Qi survive?

I may be someone who loves an ambiguous ending but if the theory that everything was not real is in fact real, I hate it. Yet, everything being a part of Ling Ling's dream or "hallucination" does make sense, as much as I hate it. Remember where Ling Ling walked into upon completing the first door? He entered the door in the middle of the road and exited it into his house? The discrepancies started right from the beginning. Which (if I did not miss anything) might explain the lack of significance behind the necklace. It will also explain why Ling Ling's time between each door is never long yet Wu Qi's not worried about his next door when he witnessed Dong Yuan's death? Or that Chen Fei's advancement is so much slower than Ling Ling. Furthermore, I'm supposed to believe the crew learnt about a mysterious man who helped Xiong Qi reunite with Xiao Ke in the spirealm and they did not investigate more?

I really do hate the everything was not real theory but I also cannot deny it's the most reasonable one. There was another theory I chanced upon on Douyin a while back and have since forgotten most of the information. However, I like that theory a lot even though it was quite farfetched. Long story short, the user theorised that after Lan Zhu walked into the portal and cleaned the program, Ling Ling woke up and regained consciousness after being hit, right? That's not reality but the 12th door and the door god for this last door is Lan Zhu. That was all I remember but the user did provide explanations and timestamps for their theory and upon reading it, it did make sense too. Therefore, if I ever come across that video again, I will link it here.

In the meantime, let's wallow in the conclusion of The Spirealm. It was a quick and short ride but an extremely memorable one.

Rating: ★★★★☆ (4.5/5)

More productions from China here: 19th Floor (19层) | Under the Skin (猎罪图鉴)

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Impressive blog post! When it comes to the topic of writing fiction involving real people, I used to have mixed feelings, leaning towards the idea that as long as it doesn't harm anyone, people should be free to explore their creative imaginations. However, my perspective took a significant turn when I stumbled upon an author's account on Ao3, and discovered that they had written a fanfiction featuring someone I knew.

This person was from my high school, part of a specialized sports program, and while we weren't close friends, we maintained a friendly rapport due to mutual acquaintances. Over the years, I had gained insights into their life beyond what fans typically knew. It was one of those "disconnect until it happens to you" moments.

Seeing their name in a fanfiction, paired with a teammate, hit me hard. Most fans wouldn't be aware, but there had been hurtful speculation about their sexuality. They had been late to start dating, shorter than many in their sport, and maintained close friendships with certain teammates, leading to unwarranted assumptions about their personal life. Although not a dominant topic of conversation, they deeply resented being labeled a closeted player because of this speculation.

Knowing all of this, seeing a fanfiction about them was heartbreaking. I was aware they would likely never see it, but I understood how damaging mere speculation had been to them. It was distressing to think that their fans were crafting stories about their personal life.

As I read through the fanfiction's description, I couldn't help but think, "Don't you realize how much this bothers them?" Then it hit me – of course, the author didn't understand. To them, my acquaintance was just an athlete, someone they'd never truly know. This realization struck me like a ton of bricks.

Until that moment, I hadn't fully grasped how I'd allowed myself to objectify the subjects of fanfiction, rationalizing that it was acceptable. However, being on the other side, I recognized that, as harmless as it might seem, unless you genuinely know the person, you can't comprehend what might be happening behind the scenes. Words carry weight, and ideas can leave lasting impacts. It is, after all, their lives, careers, and professional relationships being portrayed. This led me to the conclusion that it's best to keep such works off public platforms. If you're a fan, it's the most respectful way to express your admiration.

thank you for sharing this! I must admit that when I was younger, many years ago, I didn’t see anything “wrong” with fanfics about real people because “everybody in the fandom either reads or writes them” but now that I’m an adult, my thoughts on the subject have changed and I can see now why it’s disrespectful, crossing boundaries and is an invasion of privacy. fanfics have been in fandoms since forever, but the only ones I’ll ever write and read are the ones about fictional characters. not real people. I mean I know there’re lots of people who write about real people and I know I can’t stop them. but hopefully they may change their views like I did one day

[flanaganfilm]

First of all, huge fan, currently on my third rewatch of Midnight Mass and it's still so deeply moving. But I do have to ask, why so much violence towards cats? While it's technically only two instances, between Hill House and Midnight Mass your work has a very high body count for cats. Of course there's a high body count for people, too, and there's a lot to be said about reactions to human violence versus reactions to animal violence, but it's still a question that sticks with me on rewatching.

They know what they did.

(Amended after a few rather baffling comments, which have been taken down apparently:) I tell horror stories. With that territory comes a requirement to horrify.

In MIDNIGHT MASS, over 100 human beings are killed, including children. We watch a lot of these people have their throats ripped out by their own neighbors and family members.

And yes, a fair amount of cats are also killed (offscreen).

And one dog is killed onscreen (and it is absolutely heartbreaking, with huge ramifications.)

In all of my work, the deaths of the human beings in the story (as well as the animals) are perpetrated by demonstrably evil beings. Those deaths are not glorified, celebrated or taken lightly.

If there are viewers out there who find themselves more disturbed by the make-believe deaths of fictional animals than the make-believe deaths of fictional human beings, we aren't going to find much common ground on which to have meaningful discourse.

And if people decide to watch a horror film or horror series and then find themselves resentful of feeling horrified, I'm not quite sure what to say.

I have nothing but empathy for all of the fictional men, women, children, and animals that have died in my stories. If knowing harm will come to any of these in my stories makes someone decide not to watch, well... that's fine with me. Carry on.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

It's just occurred to me that I've never been in a dying fandom before while I was at the peak of hyperfixating on said fandom. And nothing has prepared me for that peculiar kind of grief it brings.

Because I still remember the height of OFMD two years ago. I remember all of the internet going crazy about it. There was a good 3-4 months when everyone who's even remotely chronically online in geek or queer spaces had heard of it. And the thing is, geek and queer spaces don't always intersect this much. Well they do to a degree, but I mean, I first heard about OFMD on Reddit. It's a lot more of a geek space than it is a queer one. The OFMD subreddit has a... pretty different vibe than OFMD fandom on Twitter or Tumblr or AO3. And yet, still, it seemed like for a few short, glorious months, OFMD has been The Thing on the internet, even on Reddit. Despite being so relatively tiny and niche and decidedly Not Mainstream™. I still remember that Comic Con with Con and Nathan in August 2022. I remember exactly where I was when I watched it. I'd blocked off time to watch it live. I'd actually bought a fucking ticket instead of just waiting for someone to upload it to YouTube, which is what I was used to doing with comic cons that featured David Tennant or some of my other favourite actors (well it did help that they let us by digital tickets for streamed panels this time, but still). I still remember how insanely excited I was, sitting down for that panel like it was this major Event. Like Eurovision or smth. And then several other comic cons. It was all so fresh. The fanbase was rabid (in the best way possible). And the cast was so in for it. The fan fiction had been flowing with abandon. The era of Hell or High Water. I'd never been part of an ongoing fic with such a massive readership, either. It was one of the cult fics in the fandom. The sheer excitement of getting a notification of a new chapter and making an event out of reading it, savoring it until the weekend, even. And then discussing it on Discord. That was what being part of a fandom was supposed to feel like.

And now it's dying. Slowly, but it is. It's never going to get a barrage of headlines again. It's never going to pull tens of thousands of Tumblr reblogs again. Sure, we're still getting bts (bless Samba Schute). There's still some engagement, more than most other fandoms would have retained by now, and that's incredible in its own right. But it's still a shadow of its former self. And it's never going to be the same again.

And it's fine. That's just how it is. Nothing lasts forever. People always move on, and it's not a bad thing. That's just life. I know I'm going to move on some day, too. Just not quite yet. I'm not ready yet. And it feels heartbreaking. Because the fandom's life was cut short. We should have had one more glorious cycle with S3. But we didn't. And that's the worst part. It wouldn't have been so hard to move on if we'd actually got closure. And now we never will. OFMD will never really have concluded, it will just slowly trickle out and fade away. A whimper, not a bang. And that's what's killing me.

[kozumesphone]

𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ♡

~ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

✶⋆.˚ “I believe there are far more possibilities than happily ever after or tragedy. every story has the potential for infinite endings.” ⋆˚

🤍 ༘⋆ spoilers marked !

✶⋆.˚ “i’d give you the world if I could. the moon, the stars, and all the suns in the universe. anything for you, my heart.” ⋆˚

𐙚 songs to listen to while reading this . . . ᝰ.ᐟ

↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺

⟢ the archer — taylor swift

⟢ worship — ari abdul

⟢ lunch — billie eilish

⟢ the prophecy — taylor swift

⟢ rockland — gracie abrams

✶⋆.˚ “have you forgotten the way heartbreak rips apart the soul piece by piece, how it turns you into a masochist making you long for the thing that just eviscerated you until there’s nothing left of you to be destroyed?” ⋆˚

𐙚 mini brain dump . . . ᝰ.ᐟ

♒︎ heavenly. to say I devoured this book would be an understatement.

♒︎ i’ve read a few reviews after finishing the book, and i can’t relate the complaints about the addition of vampires to the plot. they might’ve been unnecessary, but did i love it? yes. because, if there’s magical objects, potions, mysterious arches, and prophecies… why not vampires? i ate that up fr.

♒︎ also, i just like vampires 🫣

SPOILERS‼️

♒︎ apollo’s ‘death’ came as a shock, to me. I WAS LITERALLY SPEECHLESS. but that ending? i could seriously have never expected that. he’s so alive that I just know shit is going to hit the fan and if he wakes up in tbona, he’s going to be bitchy and i’m going to hate him <3

♒︎ and, oh, jacks. i so so so hope there’s much more to what eva thinks he’s done (manipulating her) bc i want him to get a good character arc.

spoilers end <3 ^

✶⋆.˚ “hurt is what made me.” ⋆˚

𐙚 characters & relationships . . . ᝰ.ᐟ

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ evangeline fox — evangeline fox might just be the most unrelatable fmc i’ve ever read, but it’s seriously okay. each novel’s mcs have their own traits and flaws, and eva’s is that she’s too optimistic and trusting. i do feel bad for her, tho.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ jacks / the prince of hearts — now look, for someone who’s reading this after reading caraval, I’M IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN. my absolute fav kind of fictional characters are the cocky and sarcastic ones with a mysterious backstory, so jacks is perfect <33 everything about him screams ‘love me’ so 😋💓

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ evajacks — SPOILERS ‼️ : evajacks’ chemistry was almost non-existent in this book (except when he tried to bite her and turn into a vampire beep boop), but i’m hoping it gets much better in the next (though, i’m finding it hard to predict how that will happen considering what eva knows about jacks what she does 💀) i’m rooting for evajacks anyway because they’re now my caravalverse otp along with scarlian <3 : spoilers end <3 <

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ marisol tourmaline — marisol is such a classic high school white girl. see, i get that her mum said all that stuff to her face (which is so not how parenting works) which might have led her to want to be loved and cared for, BUT STILL. MARISOL. COME ON. she’s literally like ‘i want only what she has, because i just do.’ which is so wrong on a lot of levels. get yourself a bf without bewitching them, and i would have had 0 problems with you, marisol.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ apollo acadian — apollo. mon dieu, this man. ik it was a curse, but oh god. my hopeless romantic heart beat for apollo’s dialogues when he was cursed in this book. he was borderline obsessed (but in a non-stalker way, guys) but STILL 😭 (can you tell I have issues? 💀) oh, to be loved like cursed apollo loved eva.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ♱ tiberius acadian — tiberius ah.. well.. bro’s just sort of.. there.

✶⋆.˚ “for anyone who has ever made a bad decision because of a broken heart.” ⋆˚

reviews m.list

kozumesphone © 2024 | don’t repost my works onto other platforms, or edit and post them even on tumblr, without asking me first • don’t steal my works, steal my heart instead • reblogs and comments are more than appreciated !