#hope they accept me!!

[littlegoldfinchh]

What is your major now? :o

english (american) studies and currently im applying for a business english minor :)

[egophiliac]

we were fucking ROBBED

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[xsunburstx]

first post since being back <3

[strawlessandbraless]

Honestly if I want to clown over destiel, it’s my god given right. Like I appreciate your concern, but no thank you. Choosing hope and love just like my boy castiel, this is where I live now

[ruinme-please]

”𝐄𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮” (𝐱)

[chloesimaginationthings]

Happy Birthday!!

TYSM FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES! YOU GUYS ARE TOO KIND 😭💜

[sunlit-mess]

I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

[tangledstarlight]

do i think jatp is ever gonna come back? no.

do i think, objectively, that it would be hilarious if it did come back with a 5 year time jump in which the band are incredibly famous and successful and alive and willie is alive too and they’ve just left caleb stuck in nicks body for 5 years because ‘he got himself in there surely he can get himself out’? yes. yes i do.

[jackshiccup]

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return

have been perpetually rotating @bignostalgias white winter hymnal hijack inside my mind palace like rotisserie chicken i adore this life-changing au to the core my bones and teeth ache badly from thinking about them <3

[gold0kapi]

I did it, I downloaded the game.

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

[ryngtail]

Davekat? 2023 ??

Damn i mean i cant say no to that

bonus:

[rjshope]

Were they a mistake left by an angel Or were they a deep kiss Those dimples are illegal But I love it anyway anyway anyway

for @cordiallyfuturedwight✨

[cr. 0613data, trans. doolsetbangtan]

[nemmet]

🩵🌻 another year, another happy (belated) autism acceptance month to my favourite autistic character!! he’s off in search of his next niche hyperfixation :)

[mintjeru]

companionship and understanding happy pride from my beloveds!!

open for better quality | no reposts