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#how many years has been trying to change the world?
runningfrom2am · 4 hours
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cold nights // epilogue
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summary: a few years later...
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 3.7k
masterlists / nav / requests
tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.
a/n:
here it is :) the epilogue :)
(i'm crying, could you tell??) i figured it was time to post this now that we've officially entered the overlapping requiem/michigan cherry era. tbh i was just afraid to let these two go bc i love them so much.
thank you all again SO so much for all the love on this fic. it has truly meant everything to me that so many people came on this actual JOURNEY with me, i never intended this to be so long but here we are.
anyway, stick around for requiem!! and i hope you loved this if you made it this far!!
my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)
send me any and all of your thoughts! here!
series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board
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You were all dressed up in one of your finest gowns, attending the gala that preceded the presidential election.
Coriolanus was running, of course, and you were so incredibly proud. He's worked toward this for years, and you had been there every step of the way since the tenth annual Hunger Games, all those years ago. It felt like a distant memory- albeit one that still haunted you regularly.
You were a whole new person. A Capitol citizen most of the year, and you were happy most of the time. You and Coryo had always gone home in the summers, though, to spend your days surrounded by friends and family under the District Twelve sun. You always looked forward to it, but three months never felt like quite enough time. You missed your old life, but that's all it could be now.
While some Capitol elite was talking your ear off about the upcoming games, that's all you can think about. Well, how after the election that your boyfriend would most certainly win, those summers of peace would be a thing of the past. It was hard to think about, which is why you focussed on how you could work around it. Perhaps you would make smaller visits throughout the year- although Coryo was prepping you for the endless tasks that would even be put onto you as the First Lady of Panem. Once he wins the election, he would propose- and it would be followed by the wedding of the century. You didn't know if you dreaded it or if the pressure of it all just scared you beyond what excitement could repair.
"Miss Y/L/N?" Your train of thought is abruptly interrupted and you hum in response, bringing the champagne glass to your lips, acting like you were paying attention the whole time.
"Yes?" You respond as you lower your glass. "My apologies, I just spaced out for a moment there. It's a big day, after all..." You chuckle to recover, tilting your head slightly at them.
"I was just asking if you had any input in the arena for the next Games, if you could give us any hints." The man asks, seemingly impatient with you getting distracted.
"Oh," You reply, smile fading softly. "No, I- I really try to stay out of all of that." You laugh nervously, gripping tighter onto the glass as you take another sip, relieved when you feel someone's hand on your arm.
"Y/N, come sit. Coriolanus's speech is about to start, he got me to save you a seat at my table." Sejanus says, linking his arm with yours.
You politely excuse yourself from the conversation and allow him to pull you away. "Many thanks." You whisper to him, chuckling slightly as you glance back over your shoulder at the older man you were speaking to. "Some people are so tone-deaf, aren't they?"
"Most definitely." He sighs, shaking his head as he guides you toward his table at the front of the banquet hall, close to the stage. "Apparently that will never change."
Sejanus Plinth was your saving grace all these years, that, however, had never changed. You didn't see him as much anymore, with you being locked up in your office in the Snow penthouse focused on writing book after book until you were burnt out. His role as a doctor in and out of the Districts certainly didn't help either, but you knew he was partial to working back home in Twelve so he could spend more time with Lucy Gray. You were glad he was much more fulfilled in his adult life than you were; you always knew he would do well and you were proud. You had to take moments every so often to remind yourself that when you first met him and Coryo, you had been sad that you wouldn't get to see the men they would become but you had wondered. Now, you had your answers.
"Is that not the truth." You scoff under your breath, smiling and giving a quick wave to a few familiar faces as you pass. You had become somewhat of a people-pleasing expert, the same way Coriolanus had.
You sit down at the table at the front of the room just as the lights slightly dim, and the spotlight hits the stage. You gently cross one leg over the other, careful not to wrinkle your dress and clap in just the perfect polite way you had learned how to over the years, smiling as you see Coryo walk up onto the stage.
He waves, and people whistle and clap, and the smile on his face seems a little more genuine than it normally is during these speeches. Of course, though, this is his final address before he no doubt gets voted in as president, and you know that he is excited.
"Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for coming out tonight..." He says, in a subtle cue to get people to quiet down so he could speak, a drink still in his hand that he delicately hovers above the podium next to him. "This has been such an incredible opportunity for both of us running, and I must say, it's been fun." He tips the glass toward the other table at the front, and your eyes follow the movement to the other candidate, your friend and former classmate, Hilarius Heavensbee. They've never gotten along, and you know Hilarius wants nothing to do with this job. Not really. It makes you sad, a little bit, that his family would push him this far when he had confided in you in his freshman year that it wasn't what he wanted.
The man just gives Coryo a polite but nervous smile, taking another sip out of his own champagne glass. From where you were, you could see his hand trembling. You knew he would have to go next, and Coriolanus Snow was always a tough act to follow.
"Now, I am very happy about this turnout, because I have two important announcements to make." He continues, and whispers fill the room. You look over at Sejanus, a slight look of shock on your face. You didn't know he had anything special to announce, and he always kept you in the loop on everything. Sejanus just shrugs, looking back up at Coryo again. It must not actually be a big deal- it was probably just thanking some more people who have donated to his campaign.
"Firstly," He clears his throat, taking a step to the side as the screen behind him lights up. "For just a moment, see me as your head game maker and forget all about me running for president. Or don't, actually, maybe keep that in mind, but at the back of your mind." He chuckles, the little joke making the audience laugh. He was much more personable now than he once was, you smile a little as you remember helping him write his earlier speeches in a way that would make him more likable. "With the help of my fellow candidate and personal good friend, we are trying something new when it comes to The Hunger Games."
When he speaks, your heart drops and you sit up a little straighter- feeling all eyes on you as you just focus on him. For the first time, he looks down at you and gives you a small smile, the slightest nod in an effort to reassure you that it wasn't as scary as it sounded. You swallow and just keep your smile on as best as you can, ignoring all the stares.
"So, we all love The Games. They're exciting, the stakes are high, and I know every year we all pick our favourite tributes to root for and it's hard to watch them fall but, god, do I know better than anyone how good it feels when they win." Your cheeks burn intensely as Coryo sends a smile and a wink your way, and the screen behind him flashes to a picture of the two of you, taken after your shared university graduation just a couple of years ago. You were both smiling, but he was looking at you as he held you tight around your waist, and you looked into the camera and held up a three-finger salute. People are laughing and awe-ing at the photo of the two of you, and you laugh nervously, looking over at Sejanus with slightly panicked eyes.
You would be absolutely fine with this if he had just run it by you before, and you knew that whether you liked it or not, the Games were an integral part of who you were now, and always would be- but you certainly didn't want your name on anything to do with these new changes they're making. But, he wouldn't be talking about you at all if he knew you would hate it. You had to remind yourself of that.
"So, you all know my beautiful Y/N, of course, we're all big fans of hers here," Coryo says, gesturing to where you were sitting and you let out a nervous laugh, shaking your head at him in a way that would appear teasing to everyone else while he waits for everyone to finish clapping for you. "Don't get embarrassed already, darling, I've got a bit more to say about you so just sit tight, okay? Nothing bad, I promise." He says to you, looking into your eyes even as he stands up on the stage, everyone's laughter echoing in the background.
"So, I have known Y/N and her outstanding mind for years now. The Games are what brought us together when we were both just kids, but you all already know that story so I'll spare you the details. The bottom line is, I am so proud of the woman she has become. She's written two books that will soon become three, she graduated in the top three percent of our class with only a District education to build on, and she is the single most well-spoken, well-mannered, beautiful, and caring woman I have ever met. Truly, she has changed my entire outlook on life." He says, talking more so to the audience than to you, knowing that you're so embarrassed by this. And he would be correct. "It has truly been a privilege to know her, and to love her."
"But that was a long journey for us both, and a seemingly endless uphill battle for her recovery, despite her strength. The Games can be scary, let's be totally honest. It's life or death, and winning will change you, but Y/N came out the other side and wanted to make a difference for her family and that inspired me. And she continues to inspire me every day." Coryo says, pausing to take a sip of his champagne again. "So, all of this is to say, I'd like to thank her for all her support through my education, this campaign, and through the life we're building together. She inspired this idea in me and with the help of my fellow game makers as well as the Plinth family..." You look over at Sejanus as he continues, suddenly realizing he must have known about what was happening. He keeps a small smile on his lips as he watches, refusing to make eye contact with you.
"This," Coryo says, turning to look up at the screen while a picture comes up of a small cul-de-sac of beautiful homes. "Is just the beginning of the Victor's Rehabilitation Initiative."
You tilt your head, a shocked and confused smile on your face as you take in the photo and try to decipher what he's talking about.
"So, recently, Y/N has been more open with everyone about the struggles that came with being crowned a victor in our Games. Yes, they get to walk away with their lives, but what if winning meant something more? What if it meant security for them and their families, so they're not returning to their Districts with no sense of what to do next? That, everyone, is what this program is for. To help the strongest of them find a purpose again, and to encourage the bravest of Panem's children to get back on their feet after such an impressive feat as winning the Games."
You have to very consciously force your jaw to stay shut when you realize what he is saying, clapping along with everyone else while your smile relaxes into something more genuine. You knew that he wanted to abolish the Games altogether, and you knew that no matter who won the election, they wouldn't proceed for much longer. This was the first step in that direction, and you were flooded with emotions. Pride, excitement, relief.
"For ten years, until the beginning of the mentorship program, our victors were cast aside. Never to be heard from again after their win, I, for one, became curious as to what happened to them after the Games as soon as I met Y/N, and I have heard that question from many of you as well since we were all given the pleasure of getting to know her." Coryo's smile is one of pride and excitement, sparing a glance at you as he allows the audience to have their responses. So far, all seemingly positive despite the present undertones of him caring about the people in the Districts. He was a smooth talker, he knew exactly how to command a space and get people to believe what he wanted. And he was using it for good. "I mean, how many other victors have something extraordinary, just like her, that won't be utilized or nurtured? We never knew."
"From now on," He continues, the crowd quieting down. "Our victors will be given homes in what we've decided to call Victor's Villages in each of the Twelve Districts. They'll have ensured security for themselves and their families, and a generous sum of prize money to help them with whatever they need. Whether that's medical attention, both physical and emotional, or, if they so choose, when they reach the appropriate age, they could apply at our university to further their education. Though, between you and I, admittance is not guaranteed." He winks at the end and it's accompanied by laughter, which you try and go along with, but you're too close to tears to even process fully what was going on. This was a huge step in the right direction, even if like he said, acceptance was not guaranteed. "What I mean, is that it will be up to them. They can live their lives to the fullest, just like our gem, Y/N."
He looks at you again, and you can really only see his blurry form through your tears until someone is handing you a handkerchief to dry your eyes while people clap and cheer over the idea.
This was something you couldn't have imagined years ago. This was everything you've wanted since the Games- to make a difference, for people to care. And it was happening right before your eyes. Thanks to him. Thanks to you.
"And with that," Coryo says after a few moments, waiting for the crowd to quiet down after taking in your reaction. "We can move on to my second announcement, which is my formal withdrawal from the presidential campaign."
Gasps fill the room and your smile disappears, a hand coming up to your mouth as you look up at him, shocked and confused with the announcement that blindsided even you.
"Are you happy here?" You ask quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace of the evening as you walk from your parent's house back to your own in the Victor's Village.
"I couldn't be happier." Coryo replies through a soft sigh, swinging your hand gently as it's clasped between you.
"Are you sure?" You say again, feeling a little uncertain despite weeks of his endless reassurance that this was, in fact, what he wanted.
To him, this scenario was perfect. He could keep his job as head gamemaker, planning to only return to the Capitol for a few months or so every year for the Games. He knew that wouldn't last much longer, though, not with Hilarius Heavensbee in office. Coryo gives it a few years and a few major "accidental" mistakes on his part for the viewership of the annual event to die out and open the door for the president to call them off, just like he had always wanted to.
And every day Coryo would wake up to see you in your happy place, the only place you'd ever felt truly at home. He was more than happy to give it all up for the greatest sake of seeing you smile.
"Of course." He smiles, never growing tired of telling you the same thing over and over again if it meant he could ease your mind.
The moonlight bounces off his in a way that makes you think it could be glowing if you didn't know any better.
"I told you that I would be. Years ago. You remember?"
"Of course I remember."
He lets out a breathy laugh at your reply, shaking his head. "That was a foolish question. I don't think you've ever forgotten a single word anyone has ever spoken to you."
"Sure I have." You say, tilting your head as you look up at him, trying to catch the same moonlight reflect in the blue of his eyes as you walk down the path. "I just don't forget... the important bits."
"I will try my best to take care of you while you're here."
"My honest, best advice? Figure out a way to escape."
"I can't have killed them all for nothing."
"You are not a beast."
"Please, don't walk away again."
"I survived because I had to learn to love you."
"Like in your books?" His voice interrupts the swirling of speech from years past, and you shrug.
"Not exactly... it feels different. Because I can hear it, still." You explain, voice dropping into something more quiet as the remnants of your fear eats away at the back of your mind, the cold night breeze imprinting your skin.
"God, the way your mind works, love." He says, and as you look up at him to be met with an expression of pride that always changes everything. "You amaze me every day."
You stay quiet, cheeks getting hot as you look back down at the path.
"Are you happy?" Coryo asks after a moment, eyes never daring to leave your profile as you walk next to him, hardly more than a silhouette in the dark. But certainly more than a ghost, now.
"I am." You reply, the smile creeping back onto your lips. "Such hours are beautiful to live, but hard to describe..."
He hums softly in response. That was a yes, but also a no in the most you fashion possible. His heart remains heavy in his chest knowing that there is nothing more he can do for you to help you heal besides be present. "Is there anything more I can do?" He asks anyway, hoping that maybe you would come up with something.
You shake your head, giving him a tight-lipped smile laced with reassurance.
"Well, then..." He sighs, rather dramatically. "I did have an idea, you know, something that might make you happy. Even just for this one beautiful hour."
You let out a laugh, squeezing his hand a bit. "If that was you asking me if we could-"
"I would like to marry you." He says, for the first time ever, not feeling guilty about interrupting you.
You stop in your tracks, and he stops with you instantly as if he were waiting for it, his hold on your hand not faltering for a second.
"I... you-"
"Darling," He starts, stepping in front of you now, blocking out the moon but hardly putting a dent in the presence of the stars over his shoulders, their soft light reflecting off his blonde curls. "I do love nothing in the world so well as you."
Your shock and confusion begins to wear off as he speaks the familiar words, and you laugh softly. "In your own words, Coryo."
He tilts his head at you, clearly not having expected that kind of response. He expected a lot of things. He planned for everything that could go wrong, he prepared for rejection, for tears, panic, even, but he did not expect that. "I, uh..." He chuckles nervously, giving his head a quick shake to get himself back on track.
He had read that play just for you. Just for this- because he knew how much you loved it, and he remembered the joy it brought you. The smile on your face when you told him about it that day at the lake had never left his mind.
"If you ask me in your own words, I shall say yes." You assure him, hands gripping tighter onto his despite your surprisingly calm demeanor.
"I thought you would like that... You know, knowing you..."
He's quick to defend himself, and your eyes almost sparkle as you look up into his own. "We should have learned by now that our story is our own, yes?" You ask. "We are not Beatrice and Benedick, or Laurie and Amy, or even Romeo and Juliet, just like I used to think we were supposed to be when my days were numbered. I thought I wanted one of those stories to be mine at least once before I died, but I was wrong." You say, taking in the embarrassed flush of his cheeks even in the dim lighting. "You are you, and I am me. No matter what you say I will be happy to marry you, so long as you ask me yourself, and not as someone else."
"Alright then." He gives you a curt nod, a smile on his face as he lowers himself in front of you, careless of the dirt that would no doubt cake into the knee of his pants. "You're everything to me, Y/N/N. My world... my heart, my soul. I didn't know what love was until I met you. I've spent the entirety of my adult life learning to love you, and I never intend to stop. Not even for a moment, so please, let me marry you, love."
"A Coryo indeed." You say softly, recalling the first day you had met him- when you only knew him as Coriolanus, and how far you both had come since then. The growing smile on your lips twitches and you nod, holding his hand a little tighter and attempting to pull Coryo back to his feet. "Of course I will. Nothing would make me happier."
He stands again and very quickly his arms are around you, holding you just as tight as they always had.
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thanks again for being here.
xx, raye
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Wonders Unceasing
Prologue =-= Past =-= Next
Author's note: Zaarius next part in Husbandry.
Warnings: Let me know if I need to add anything.
Summary: Zaarius meets his Bonded Human.
Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams,
Tagged continued: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k
Zaarius is walking along one of Ancient Terra's sandy beaches, the ocean's water lapping at his feet a little as he let his mind water as his eyes gaze out accross the waves and beaches. It's pretty on Terra, at least, in this point in time. Before War, Greedy, and whatever else it was in the future-past that destroyed this agri-like world into the shit-hole that it had become. Part of him wondered if them being on Ancient Terra would change things, or if things were going to go the way they had because they'd shown up. Or-
ow
His mind stops thinking along those lines as he rips off his helmet, his nose bleeding a little. Ow. This was why Psyker-type brothers and cousins were best when dealing with Warp Nonsense, regardless of the fact that he's a Chaos Marine, and has been one for a long, long time. Sometimes it's better to stop prying into things that are Too Much for a person. Figuring that out is the trick of it all. He is glad, mostly, to be on Ancient Terra, to see how it had once been, before things got Bad.
He's been looking out, searching for his Bonded, not all Space Marines have a bonded, but some do, three of his current War Band do. And while he's happy for them, he gets seethingly jealous as well. How sweet and unafraid the Bonded Human is of their Chaos Marine. No matter how twisted and inhumane they trully are in appearance. The human will just coo lovingly, flaterringly about them.
He unclenches his hands, gently shaking his claws a little. He's glad that they aren't uncontrollably drippoing poison any more. That had been a pain in the ass to get resolved. The Little shit hadn't apologized, no matter how long he was stuck inside the base. It was almost impressive, even if it was annoying. Hura would tell him to not nurse his wounded pride. He would point out to Hura that, for some reason, he likes the Little Bastard Son of Dorn.
Then again, Zaarius doesn't really get what's going on in that head of his. Death Guard… even more Chaos were an odd bunch. They've become even more strange over the ensuing ten thousand years. He's chasing new sensations and experiences, things tend to be more vibrant and colorful. Rather than how experiences, following after The God of Excess had slowly emptied him out and made him more hollow, despite seeking out more and more intense experiences to get to feel Something. Anything.
That is one good thing about Ancient Terra, despite its many, many drawbacks. Playing nicey-nice with the Renegade and Loyalists sometimes chafes his hide. But. at least he's mostly used to that. With the occasional scuffles with some of the Uppity among them. Or when new arrivals first show up and decide to try and Murder Them First. Fucking over-zealous bastards the lot of them!
He usually didn't volunteer for finding new arrivals, as they tended to take being on Terra, Ancient Terra, poorly in some way to begin with. While it's fun to see the anguish and torment on the faces of the Loyalists, well. Even that gets boring if he has to deal with it for too long or too often. He spots someone staring out at the ocean, a base line human, they seem to be leaning on a cane.
He tilts his head as he heads closer to the base line human, bored and wanting to see if he can pester a reaction out of a base line human sounds like a grand time to him. Besides, so long as he stays within the rules there is plenty of give and loop holes that he can worm his way through if need be.
"Greetings human," He calls out to them in a sing song way in High Gothic.
The human turns to stare at him, shifting back a little as they crane their neck to stare up at him fully. Base line humans tend to be far less skittish of them on Ancient Terra than back in his home Era. Or any Era where Astartes are created to serve and protect.
"Hello there," They reply with a slight twitch of their lips, in the common tongue of the base line humans in this area.
He can understand more of the language than he can speak it, mostly so he understand what the base line humans are saying, rather than an urge or desire to interact with them, most of the time. There is a warm, tugging sensation, that envelops his soul as he continues to speak with this base line human that he's not felt before. Curious to know what the feeling is and why he's feeling it he continues to follow after the human talking to them and listening to them respond, as they sound increasingly more confused until he decides to put them out of their misery, for not at least and says in the local dialect very clearly and carefully in his enunciation.
"You and I," He says as the words roll of his tongue like sweet caramel, "Bonded."
"Oh!" The human says with a gasp, eyes widening in surprise, and a mixture of other emotions. "It's oh. I'm glad to meet you. I'm ---."
"A lovely name for a lovely human," He purrs, "Call me Zaarius."
They mouth his name to themselves a couple of times before saying it out loud. And oh- what a rapturous experience to hear his newly bonded human say his name. He purrs more loudly at that. Pleased that they are almost correct on the pronunciation after a couple of times. He continues to follow after his lovely human, sending a message to the rest of his War Band that he's found his human. They all congratulate him for finding his human, his Captain, who's being unusually nice, has decided to allow him a month or two off to get to know and bond with his human more. The sends a thank you back before continuing to trail after his human.
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eurydicees · 1 day
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he/she trans butch iwaizumi and transfemme oikawa thoughts
for no reason other than satisfying my own desires and also projecting my own shit onto my fictional besties <3
LONG post under the cut. i cannot express to you enough. LONG post under the cut.
first off. wrote a fic about iwaizumi being genderqueer here. read it. it's influential but ultimately not really relevant to this. but read it anyways. im really proud of it. okay now that the self promo's out of the way!
in my mind palace, iwaizumi is a trans butch lesbian and no amount of cis bullshit telling him that's not allowed is gonna stop him from identifying that way
she starts figuring things out in college: getting to california for undergrad and meeting all the different kinds of people he does--people he never would have met in the world of men's athletics that he was in while in high school--introduces him to all kinds of new ideas, some of them being identities they had never heard of before
sometime in her freshman year someone asks him about pronouns, and it's a question he's never really thought to consider before. he's never had to--pronouns were just words assigned to them that she never really had reason to doubt
and then she starts. thinking about it. and kind of freaking out a little. because oh. there are options. and there are so many of them and it's overwhelming, to have this sudden rush of i don't think i know who i am anymore.
because he's never really had to think about gender or sexuality before: there's never been the space and support and encouragement to experiment, or the terminology in general, or any reason to try experimenting
but his friends encourage him to try things out, little by little. a few friends try out using they/them in private. they like it, most of the time, and it feels like it fits, most of the time, but still it's like. it feels like they're faking it. like it doesn't quite cover the entirety of what they feel--but maybe nothing does, you know?
they try introducing themselves by he/they in classes, instead of just in the privacy of his dorm room. he likes that people mix the two together in the same sentence sometimes. they like that he's not boxing himself into one thing
he's figuring shit out! and the journey kind of sucks because people ask him and he doesn't have answers, he doesn't have solid truth, he just has more questions for himself and he just has more to discover--which is frustrating, most of the time, but it's also fun to experiment, sometimes
it's about trying new clothing--he doesn't love dresses, but skirts with shorts sewn in are okay; crop tops and a carabiner with keys are euphoric--trying new words--he, they, genderqueer, transgender, and more--and trying new names--not a fan of his friends' suggestions, which are mostly english word names that he kind of fumbles around saying
notable that he's friends with a decent number of queer people who are so encouraging and supportive of everything they're trying out that it constantly amazes him and sometimes kind of makes him want to cry a little
also notable. he kind of. doesn't tell oikawa about any of this. they just...don't know how to.
she starts trying out she/her pronouns in her junior year of college. this starts , entirely coincidentally, a few months before oikawa comes out to him
oikawa does it quietly, without fanfare, nearly without the confidence to even say the words. she's clearly worried about what iwaizumi is going to think--they didn't grow up in a world where things like being trans or a lesbian were talked about, or were considered options for the two of them
but just as iwaizumi has been experimenting in california, oikawa has discovered an entirely new queer community in argentina, and she's discovered herself in anew just as iwaizumi has
and it doesn't change anything really, oikawa promises, again and again. she's still tooru. she's still the best friend iwaizumi has always had. she's still playing men's volleyball. she presents herself differently, now, when she can, but--
but also, in presenting differently, there's a new confidence about her. there's a new sense of self. there's a new comfort in her own body, now that she has the words to love it right, and--
and iwaizumi gets that. he doesn't want to tell oikawa just then, because oikawa is clearly nervous and this is her moment, of sorts, but now iwaizumi knows that--if they ever get brave enough--it really would be okay to say it
anyways. iwaizumi starts using she/her in addition to he and they and just. she kind of loves it.
most of the time, she doesn't love looking feminine, and that kind of . she doesn't really know how to explain that, doesn't really have the words for it
he likes being perceived a girl, but he doesn't like looking feminine. he likes being seen as masculine, but he thinks if one more person calls him a young man he's going to scream out loud
(he does kind of like fucking with people though. it gives them a little bit of gender euphoria when someone stutters through a list of pronouns, not sure what to use, looking her up and down, until giving up and landing on just his name. it maybe feels mean but it's also a little funny and really validating.)
so its like. she doesn't really know what to do with any of that. they/them feels a little too malleable, in a way. it's not really anything against the word so much as it is that people use it to cop out of calling her "she", and that's just...frustrating. because "she" fits so well on days when she's dressed masc and "he" feels so good when he's in lipstick and a skirt.
(i ran out of characters allowed in one post block apparently. so i am breaking up the list here. oh my god. i can't believe i ran out of characters. jesus fucking christ.)
anyways! it's when he comes out to oikawa that things kind of. fall into his hands and she goes oh. so this is okay. i'm allowed to have this: the unknowns, the multiplicities, the undecideds, the contradictions.
he doesn't really mean to come out. it happens casually: oikawa makes some reference to iwaizumi being cis, and iwaizumi tells her that that's not quite right. he's not sure what he is, but it's...not cis man.
she doesn't really know how to explain that to oikawa, who has become so comfortable in her gender when she's around iwaizumi, but iwaizumi figures she might as well know now. he's always trusted oikawa with everything, and he's not quite sure why this should have ever been different
anyways. oikawa tells iwaizumi something sappy, first, and something kind, second, and something annoying, when iwaizumi teases her for the first two
and when iwaizumi confesses his own unsureness, oikawa says something else along the lines of it's not really about what people tell you your labels should be when you look like yourself. it's about the words you use when you tell them to fuck off.
it makes iwaizumi laugh, and that was the main goal, really, but also iwaizumi is thinking about it long after they hang up their video call
he's been so caught up in "so, uh, what pronouns do you use?" and "hajime, do you want me to set your preferences to male or female or both when i make your tinder account for you?"
his answers have always been so relative to what he wants people to think when they look at her ("they or he are fine i guess" and "fuck off, give me my phone back"), but maybe it's less about that, for her
(this may not be true of everyone, but things start to fall into place when she moves her thought process just a little to the left)
maybe it's less about what he's letting other people see in her presentation, and more about what it is he owns about her own gender
so what does she like about it? what brings her comfort and joy? and what completely shatters all the expectations and preconceptions put on him that she hates so much?
he doesn't really come to a decision about any of those things in one night
but he tells oikawa she/he are what make him feel the most confident in his body and his heart, even if it's scary to say that out loud
the word butch comes not long after that, and he's not sure if it fits perfectly, but it's the first word to come along that feels like it captures the duality of masculine and woman that lives in him, instead of just reaching one or the other, if that makes sense
he's not sure any of it does, but he's decided she doesn't care if it makes sense or if it's "allowed" in the eyes of people who see transness as a uniform look and lesbianism as an exclusive club
it's not about what people tell her she's allowed to be, looking and talking and acting like that, you know? it's about what words he uses to make them respect her, looking and talking and acting just as she damn well pleases.
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kaigarax · 3 days
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Accismus
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Nagi Seishirou x Reader
Quote: "Fall in love with someone you’ll only ever share a few passing moments with."
In time travel nothing can be changed. Everything that will happen has already happened - and every change that you hope to make has either already occurred or will never occur at all.
---
Mission Number XX02
There were three rules to time travel that had been ingrained into Nagi Seishiro’s head when he first became a time traveler.
1. Don’t interact with your past self.
Wouldn’t want to accidentally make your past self go crazy.
2. Don’t tell people you’re from the future.
Most people would just ignore you but you wouldn’t want to be responsible for making someone else go insane.
3. Don’t try to change the course of events.
Time travel is to only be used to observe events that have already happened. Besides, even if you wanted to you wouldn’t be able to change anything.
Nagi’s job as a time traveler was to gather information on individuals. Specifically, people that would become famous. His job was to go back and observe what would make them into the individuals that they were. Record their lives from the perspective of a third party and come back with that information so that people of the present could learn about them.
Much more tame than the countless crazy stories that had been written before.
No fate ‘the world is at stake’ plotlines or ‘revenge from a man wronged’ villains. Merely ordinary people that can follow rules and record the lives of another - regardless of how boring that person may seem to you.
Nagi’s current objective - you.
(Y/n) (L/n).
A writer whose works would only garner popularity years after your death. From the brief snippets of information that there was on you, you were mostly a freelance writer that died early. Sometime around your early thirties? Nagi really isn’t all too sure.
He has a relatively easy task.
Follow you around for a couple days, following the moments when you would write your most famous piece. See what likely inspired each of the characters you chose to make and see what might have influenced the setting. See if there was someone special in your life that could have served as the inspiration for what would eventually come to be known as your magnum opus.
He thinks that your biggest series is about time travel, funnily enough. Not that he’s ever taken the time to read it or likely ever will. He’s not that big of a fan of chapter book novels. He much prefers to watch television or read comics if it’s a must that he needs to read. Prefers to look more at the pictures over having to create the image in his head all on his own.
He quickly jots something down on his notebook before following you into a cafe.
The biggest thing to remember when time traveling is to remain calm. The worst thing that you can do is be spotted and have the person you’re following think they’re getting stalked. Well… they are getting stalked but it’s for history purposes. Not for some perverse pleasure. Though… Nagi imagines that many people get a strange perverse pleasure from the information he gives out.
Oh well.
It’s too much for him to think about anyways.
He’s just here for the paycheck after all.
Stay within the rules and you’ll be fine.
Rule 1: don’t interact with your past self, would be an easy rule for him to follow. Nagi wouldn’t be born for at least a couple hundred years so no issue there. There wouldn’t be anyone that would recognize him.
Rule 2: don’t tell people you’re from the future. That shouldn’t be too hard to follow. It wasn’t like Nagi was much of a conversationalist anyways. He much preferred to quietly sit back and watch everything happen around him.
Rule 3: don’t try to change the course of events. Honestly, Nagi isn’t quite sure why this is a rule at all. Any fool with half a brain is smart enough to know that it’s impossible to change the past. Everything that will happen happens because it has already happened. A linear timeline where nothing can be changed or altered. It simply is.
From the information that Nagi’s gathered so far you seem relatively normal. Having just finished up your last few years in college, where you studied History (funnily enough) and would begin to take creative writing more seriously then you had before.
You’re pretty. Surprisingly pretty. He obviously saw photos of you back in his own time-zone but they did not do you justice. Not only did photos not capture the same level of life as they do in his own time-zone but you never seem to be making a normal expression. Mostly forced smiles and strained looks as if you’d rather be anywhere but taking that photo. Nagi relates to you on a spiritual level. He hates getting his own picture taken.
But in person you look so much softer and… realer. Well, you’re obviously realer. He could reach out and touch you if he wanted. You’re so much more expressive than he thought you would have been. So curious about the world around you as your eyes wander, stopping on everything you find interesting despite walking the same path for three days straight.
You’re also, unsurprisingly, patterned. Most people are patterned. You get up around the same time every day, 6:30am after hitting snooze on your alarm clock three times. You get ready for the day before heading off for a morning run. You boil the hot water for a tea that you’ll forget to make after work and head to your computer where you’ll type away until the urge to sleep hits where you’ll then fall asleep and do it all again the next day.
Nagi was hoping for something a little more interesting but he supposes that he’ll take what he can get.
At least today is the weekend, so maybe you’ll actually do something worth recording.
He doubts it.
There’s a barista that thinks you’re cute. He blushes as you smile warmly at him and take your order. Your hair is a little messy from your walk in the cold but you’re still the prettiest person here. Actually, you’re probably the prettiest person around for miles. Nagi actually finds himself a little surprised that he hasn’t seen you in a romantic relationship with anyone.
He does remember reading something about how there was one specific person that you thought about while writing but all the information about it was vague. His main job, funnily enough, was to find out who that person was.
Your drink is something new to you as you ask the barista to recommend something. The barista gives you a dopey smile before creating something sweet. Nagi doesn’t think that you’ll enjoy it all that much. From what he’s observed so far you don’t care much for sweet things. Don’t keep many sweets in your apartment and the ones you do have seem a little old.
You give a smile to the barista after tasting the drink.
Nagi finds a strange level of satisfaction running through him when your eyes don’t smile. Personally, he would have made you something a little more on the sour side. Something cool instead of a warm drink despite the cold weather. You seem like the kind of person that likes to be surprised and both the sour and coolness of the drink would surprise you.
You’d give that halfway sort of smile that you get when you’re in a writing groove. You’d…
Nagi shakes his head.
You’re not supposed to get attached to your assignments. They specifically go out of their way to pick apathetic people like him to send out on these assignments. Better to have people that don’t care about the person in front of them because you never know what kind of problems that it’ll cause later on down the line.
Of course, nothing in the past can be changed, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t go crazy trying to change the past. That they don’t lose their minds when they have to leave behind someone that was so important to them.
“Nagi Seishiro.”
Nagi freezes.
He hasn’t told anyone his name before in this time-zone much less spoken to someone at all. So how is it that someone knows his name? Did someone from his time-zone warp over here to tell him that they were taking over the assignment? While that would be a little strange he wouldn’t be all too surprised.
He tries his best to look apathetic as he looks up at the person who had taken the seat across from him. His blood goes cold when he sees that it’s you.
Your eyes sparkle in a way that Nagi hasn’t seen them sparkle before, “you’re Nagi Seishiro, aren’t you?”
Nagi shakes his head, attempting to feign ignorance, “I have no idea who that is.”
“It’s delightful weather,” you say suddenly.
Nagi freezes.
How in the world would you know that? As far as he knows you’re not one of the people that were privy to the information of time travelers and he most certainly doesn’t remember ever meeting you; so how could you know the first half of the code?
You lean over and take the drink he’s drinking from him, “but I always carry an umbrella.”
Okay. Someone was definitely messing with him.
You take a sip of his drink, “you are Nagi Seishiro, aren’t you?”
Finally, Nagi nods, “how do you know that?”
“Oh, thank goodness! I would’ve been mortified if I had accidentally taken a drink of some random dude’s drink. I was a little hesitant because it’s been a few years since I’ve seen you and you’re younger than how you were since I saw you last.”
“Wait,” Nagi raises an eyebrow, “you’ve met me before? An older version of me?”
You nod, “you were sent to do a piece on one of my classmates and almost caught and needed an alibi so you grabbed me and asked me to help you.”
Rule two: don’t tell people you’re from the future.
Well it’s too late now. It wasn’t like present Nagi was the one responsible for breaking the rules anyways. It seems that you already know about different time-zones and time traveling.
“So, who’s your assignment now?” You ask as you hand his drink back to him.
Nagi feels his cheeks grow hot, but luckily his face stays neutral. You’d have to touch him to know that he’s embarrassed. But, in his defense, who wouldn’t get embarrassed when the person they’re watching asks you who you’re watching. It’s basically asking someone to admit to you that they’ve been following you around and taking notes on you. It’s basically stalking. Well, Nagi likes to think of it more as being a private investigator but truthfully, even he has to admit that it’s basically just stalking.
It also doesn’t help that you’re looking up at him with such a pretty smile.
Gosh. Why did you have to be so pretty?
“It’s uh… the barista over there.”
“Oh really? Are they a relative of someone who wants to learn about them?” You ask.
“Uh… yeah.”
You smile knowingly, as if you know more about Nagi then he knows about himself. He wonders if this is what other people had been talking about in the notes he’d read about you. Your way of looking into the hearts of others. Your eyes are just… so bright and brilliant. So different from anything else he’s ever seen before.
Gosh. He thinks that he’s going to have to pass this mission onto someone else if he can’t get his treacherous heart to calm down.
“You’re lying~” You hum.
“W-what? How did you know that?”
“I didn’t. You just told me.”
He grumbles something in response.
This is why people recommend that you don’t talk to your assignments. Even if it would be easier to just ask someone about their work and what inspired them at the moment there was always the issue of creating a connection with someone else.
And then, there’s the fact that you already seem so fond of Nagi.
He doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone look at him so fondly before. As if he means so much more to him then he’ll ever know. Then he already knows.
It makes him want to lean over and touch you.
To see if you’re real or just an illusion made from his mind. Or perhaps a dream that he’s gotten from how much time he’s been spending with you.
He bets that your skin would be warm against his own.
Suddenly, you reach out and grab his hand.
His face burns hot.
His cheeks flush red as if he’s a school boy.
Gosh, it’s been so long since his body last reacted like this to a girl.
“What is it you want to know, Nagi Seishiro?” You ask.
He clears his throat, “promise you won’t laugh?”
You grin mischievously, “oh, no promises. I have to pay you back for how much you teased me.”
“But that hasn’t even happened yet for me.”
You laugh softly in response - Gosh. Nagi really isn’t sure how he’s going to make it out of this alive.
---
Mission Number XX79
There were three rules to time travel that had been ingrained into Nagi Seishiro’s head when he first became a time traveler.
1. Don’t interact with your past self.
Wouldn’t want to accidentally make your past self go crazy.
Luckily, Nagi’s never actually been given a mission in a time-zone where he can meet himself so he never has to worry about this rule.
2. Don’t tell people you’re from the future.
Most people would just ignore you but you wouldn’t want to be responsible for making someone else go insane.
Now, this rule is a little tricker.
He has, of course, done his best to follow this rule all except for one occasion but that one’s not even his fault in the first place.
3. Don’t try to change the course of events.
Time travel is to only be used to observe events that have already happened. Besides, even if you wanted to you wouldn’t be able to change anything.
This one, obviously, isn’t possible to break.
No one can change the past because it has already happened and the future has already happened. Both timelines that already exist, unable to be changed or morphed. Everything is already exactly as it is.
So obviously, when Nagi finds himself in need of breaking rule two he doesn’t worry much because it has already happened.
You have told him it already happened to you.
So it merely now has to happen to him.
And you again, if that makes sense.
Today, he’s been sent on a mission where he needs to observe the actual events of what happened. It’s some messy highschool drama that he doesn’t care all too much about. A private event that bores him to the bone. What doesn’t bore Nagi, on the other hand, is how he’s almost caught. One of the girls he’d been observing points out that they saw him somewhere else.
Nagi knows that he should have been more careful. That he should have taken better precautions and wore that wig Reo is always telling him to put on before heading off on his missions. It helps to hide his stark white hair which definitely stands out in a time period where unnatural hair colour is still uncommon amongst the general populace. The gene making an unnatural hair colour naturally grow hasn’t yet been introduced and the products people use to dye their hair are still made of products that damage the natural chemicals on your head.
Long story short, Nagi’s white hair stands out and someone noticed it.
This is actually only the second time that Nagi has ever been pointed out in his two years of being a time traveler. His second mission, where he had run into you and this one - where he coincidently went to find you to get your help. Well, he still has to go get you, but his point still stands.
Nagi’s heart seemingly stops in his chest as he sees you.
You’re a sight for sore eyes.
A couple years younger from how you were when he first met you. You’d been four years older than him when he first met you and now it seems that he’s four years older than him (give or take a few if he’s done his math correctly).
He’d forgotten just how loudly his heart would beat and how fast it would race when around you.
So pretty.
He almost forgets that you don’t know who he is.
Actually, he almost forgets to speak to you at all.
He’d much rather just watch you from a distance then have to pull you into this mess that he’s gotten himself into. But, of course, he thinks that it would be better to get your help. It’s not like he can get out of this situation without some inside help and he’ll be damned if he has to call into headquarters and ask for help. He knows for sure that they’d send Barou and goodness knows that he’ll never let Nagi live the moment down. Plus, he knows that you won’t snitch on him.
“Hey, (Y/n)!” Nagi calls out your name.
You turn around, a curious look in your eyes as you look around for someone familiar. Nagi’s heart melts at the sight of seeing your face for the first time in years. From what he knows, this is the last time that he’ll ever see you in person like this and he wants to savor the moment.
Finally, your eyes land on Nagi.
You give him a curious look, “me?”
He nods.
“Do I know you?”
“No,” Nagi shakes his head, “but I know you and I need your help.”
---
“So… let me get this straight. You’re a time traveler and you need my help to… get out of the stalker allegations? But aren’t you basically a stalker?”
Nagi nods, leaning over and taking a sip of the water bottle you had been drinking from, “it’s my job.”
You shoot him a look but it’s quickly replaced as the weight of his words sink in, “right. And it’s totally not creepy that you’re following a high school girl around.”
“If I could have picked my jobs I would’ve declined this one.”
“Right. I definitely believe you…”
He knows that you don’t believe him and he can see in your eyes that you’re looking for the next second to bolt. But you won’t. And if you do, he knows that you’ll eventually come around and help him later on. It has, afterall, already happened. That’s not the thing that’s bothering him.
What’s bothering him is your indifference. Was he this cold to you when the two of you met in the later time-zone? He certainly hopes not. He misses the warmth in your smile that you gave him before. The way your eyes would crinkle around the edges when he said something that you thought was funny. What he misses most though is the warmth of your hand on his own.
He wonders if you feel that speak between the two of you that he does whenever he’s with you. Or if it’s something only specific to him. Well, it’s less of a spark and more of a sensation. A feeling of just wanting to be around the other person. Knowing that everything is just alright when you’re with that other person.
You watch him warily, as if debating something in your mind.
Well then, Nagi thinks, it looks like it’s up to him now to win you over just like how you had won him over. Though, you did have it a little easier because his assignment had been you and he needed to get information from you. You could just leave right now because you have no obligation to help him.
But you will.
That’s just the kind of person you are.
It still kinda hurts though.
“So what do you need me to do?” You ask.
Nagi grins, “pretend to date me.”
“Woah, what?”
“You heard me.”
“Oh I heard you, that doesn’t mean I can immediately accept or decline. It’s a really weird situation to put someone in. Especially someone you barely even know.”
“I know you.”
“Fine,” you huff, “it’s a weird thing to ask someone that barely even knows you.”
“But you’ll do it?”
“Gosh! Give me a moment, will you?”
“Okay.” Nagi hums.
He’d forgotten how pretty you are when you’re deep in thought. It’s a look similar to how you are when you’re in a writing groove. Your eyes narrow in and your eyebrows crease slightly. Back then he had been so hesitant despite wanting to smooth the crease between your eyes. Scared that you would disappear if he were to reach out and touch you.
This time, he takes the chance.
He reaches a hand out.
You jump back slightly at the movement but Nagi continues forward without hesitation. Gently pressing a finger to the crease between your eyebrows and smoothing it out.
He smiles to himself as your face heats up dramatically.
You’re much easier flustered at this age than you were before. Then you will be when you’re older. Nagi imagines that’s because you’re much more experienced with men and relationships by then so he relishes in knowing that he gets to be one of the first ones in your mind that will be close to you like this.
You turn away, your cheeks hot, “w-what are you doing?”
“Smoothing out your eyebrows. Don’t want you to have wrinkles at such a young age.”
“Do I have wrinkles the next time you see me?” You ask hesitantly.
Nagi grins, “why? Are you curious?”
“No.”
“You’re lying~” Nagi hums.
“W-what? How did you know that?”
“I didn’t. You just told me.”
You grumble something in response.
Nagi laughs softly at the familiarity of the moment. You’re so much more of a brat then he thought. But it’s cute. You’re cute. Though, he supposes that he’s always thought you were cute. From the moment his eyes first landed on your file to now.
It sucks that the two of you weren’t born in the same time-zone. That you would forever live your lives between these two moments.
Of his first time meeting you.
And your first time meeting him.
A breadths width apart but hundreds of years away.
Even as the warmth of your hand is inches away from his own it feels light years away.
Nagi remembers when his parents first tried to introduce him to a girl that they wanted him to go on a date with. She, much like you are now, is four years younger than him. He’d scrunched up his nose at the age gap. To him, four years seemed like such a big distance. So far both in terms of life and experience. So far in maturity (despite the fact that girls mature faster than boys). So far in life.
In retrospect, Nagi thinks that maybe if that girl had been you he wouldn’t have thought four years was that far either. He thinks that maybe you must have been his soulmate.
In another world maybe he would have gotten the chance to know you and fall in love slowly. Thinks that he would have been able to lean towards you one day, after taking you out on a date, and whisper about how pretty he thinks you are instead of only thinking it in his mind. That after his fingers would interlock with yours, without either one of you having your thoughts race and your minds be confused trying to grapple with the weight of everything that you do and don’t need to know. That he would be able to lean in and kiss you like boys his age do with girls they like.
He wonders if you’ve been kissed before yet.
Mm, no. He takes that back. He doesn’t want to know. Knows that he’ll be much more jealous than he should be if that answers yes. To him, you’re the girl that he’s always been dreaming of. Even before he met you, it was you. It would always be you. Even if you never knew it. Even if he never tells you.
He won’t.
Be bets that back then there were many things that you had wanted to say to him that you didn’t. He wonders if your heart had ached for him the same way that his aches for you now. It’s strange, he thinks, to yearn for someone that you barely know. But to him, you were never a stranger but rather someone he was getting a chance to rediscover.
Four years doesn’t seem so far now.
At least in compassion to the hundreds of years that will keep you from him. That keeps him from you.
By the time Nagi is born you’ll likely be nothing but dirt once again reunited with the world or dust and ash somewhere out there in the cosmos of the universe.
The two of you are nothing but boats in the night.
A chance of passing in the night.
Gently, he interlocks his fingers with yours.
Your hand is so much softer than he remembers and so much warmer.
Fall in love with someone you’ll only ever share a few passing moments with.
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ssaraexposs · 2 months
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The biggest mystery in BSD
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anirudhpisharody · 1 month
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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lightningbig · 4 months
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goddd botw makes me a little bit insane. link going through the story and meeting all of these people who use to know him. he doesn't remember. but they talk about him, "you used to train me!" "we were kids together" "I always looked up to you". they have lived a whole life while he's been asleep. he has not changed.
#is it obvious i just got to zoras domain. be honest#SORRY IT JUST REALLY GETS ME!!!#hearing so many people say how they trained with link when they were young and how he taught them and was always a mentor#how much they strove to be like him and now here they are#and it makes me claw at the walls thinking about link who doesn't remember them or any of what happened and who also is now#awake and at the same point he was 100 years ago#while everyone else has grown and aged and improved. maybe even surpassed what he taught them#but they will still view him in their minds eye as the person he was to them as a kid#and he still is!! that same person!!! but they aren't the same as they were#theyve changed while hes been stagnant sleeping unmoving#big 'you died and came back the same but the act of bringing u back has changed me irrevocably' vibes#and also like. i know the point of the game is that link is the hero and he's going to save the day#but god could you imagine waking up with no memory only to be told you died 100 years ago failing to save the world#and now you have to try again. the people who helped you died and arent coming back its just you#and despite how you failed the people of hyrule still revered you and so they are overjoyed to see you again#they are relieved they look at you with hope they talk about your success like its guaranteed like there is no other option#they dont doubt you. they put all their trust in you#but you don't even remember them. youve been asleep for 100 years. you dont even have your sword#sorry for writing a novel in the tags i just have a lot of feelings about this#like the prevalence of cycles & reincarnation in the franchise overall makes me froth at the mouth but the way it shows up in botw!!! MAN!!#loz#botw#k rambles
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ambreiiigns · 1 year
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i wanna be someone who listens to misfits full time again wtf is ghost
#i used to be so cool. i used to be my brother's inspirations and goals. now he sees me and cringes and he's right#hsnckajdja joking. but also no#i feel like i finished the main game (cool iconique music) and now i'm doing the silly but way funnier side quests (ghost)#i mean ghost is not a bad band by all means. but they are so silly. i for one cannot take them seriously. never could#i thot they'd sound like repugnant back in the day then i heard like ritual and dance macabre and pissed my pants at the contrast between#the sound and the look and the purpose of the contrast. i respect them and love them but God they are so funny#i don't know how to phrase this. i don't even know what point i'm trying to make#but i do miss the music i listened to in high school. i lost so many songs#<- cons of only listening to music by downloading it to my phone is that sometimes when changing phones or sd cards you mess up#bc you're stupid and useless w technology and lose 500000000 songs and the thought of having to find them again is#anxiety inducing so you kinda give up on listening to them ever again. lol#like i was listening to so much guns n roses... misfits.... iron maiden..... metallica.... tool.... idk just those cool person bands#and now i hardly ever hear them and i actually miss them a lot :(#thankfully my brother has been following my footsteps so far and he's currently in his pink floyd tool era so i'm re-living those days#thru him but. i just miss it. i need to download everything again someday#the only bitch who survived the changing phone & sd card purge was alice cooper. i went and downloaded everything again#i will NEVER give up on that old man he's my favorite music guy in the world#i also was just starting out w him when it happened tho so i didn't have a lot of catching back up to do but STILL. alice cooper forever#and ever 100 years alice cooper love that guy to death and hell#oh nay#ignore this. i've been feeling nostalgic
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asiananeurysm · 1 year
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#it's just about the last day of the year#and i ask myself am i living with intention? can I learn to live with intention?#it's so so short. it's so so impermanent.#i want to travel more. i want to have as many dinners with friends as possible. i want to sleep in and take long walks and get more tattoos#i want to write. and draw. and feel. i want to be cleaner more organized. i want to read more#i want to learn to love myself and live with confidence#i want to plan and execute those plans#i want to face my fears. i want to get help. i want to communicate better. i want to be a better person.#i want to be kind i want to be brave. i want to care less about what people think about me. i want to pay more attention to my own feelings#i want this year to be good. and I'm realizing that means i want it to be different. i want to make concrete changes.#i want so much.#this past year has been filled with changes. I'm ending it with new beginnings. i was in a rut in January. i pushed out of it.#i didn't think it was possible to break out of a routine that was suffocating me. but i did. it was terrifying but i did it#and I'm proud of myself. i felt so frustrated at how hard it was to do but I'm so proud i did it.#it's hard and scary and i still question everything every day#but i know it was the right thing. i know change is good. i never had that certainty before. i know I'm moving forward#and more importantly i know this is not a permanent state. I'm in the middle of the ride. everything everything will be alright.#i couldn't see past where i was. it felt impossible to make real change. now i know anything can happen.#I'm not boxed in. The world is big. life is short. all i can do is keep trying#personal#this has been a rant in tags
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gyudons · 8 months
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despicable
updates as of 22 oct
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Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.
“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.
“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”
“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.
“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”
As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.
“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.
“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”
It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.
“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.
“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.
“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”
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strawbebyjam · 6 months
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thinking abt how agar tum saath ho was my oh-god-i-hope-i-never-feel-like-that song and now it’s the oh-shit-that’s-where-things-are-and-will-stay song
#i love it here!#i know i can’t change anything but like#idk wish i’d never heard these sobgs in the first place#cause now they just randomly loop in my brain til i cry even though i’m actively avoiding listening to them??? help#like mitski hadestown and sad desi music are literally. earworming to no end as if i am not already wrecked enough HDJDHDDH#it’s been like. barely a month i thh#i think or two months i’m not sure but it feels like i’ve been stuck in this. gross heartbroken version of myself for a year. like time#feels so criminally warped HDJDHD it sucks? i feel so pathetic like#on the one hand i don’t wanna discount that the person that ends things can also feel a lot of pain and i know things aren’t sunshine on#either side but on the other hand i do feel like i’m the one who’s more. like. i’m not hurting more there’s not really a gauge for that but#i feel like i’m definitely more pathetic HDNDHDHD#like they must see me and think. holy shit. how did i ever love that mess. yknow. like#idk feeling gross! feeling. extremely. just repulsive? and unable to imagine any world where i have any appeal n the like. thought that mayb#maybe that’s what they see too when they look back has been. stuck in mu head on top of all else and it makes everything so mych worse#i wanna be good avout all this so bafly and i keep failing and i dont know what yo do with muself#everytime i try to do something thats supposed yo be good or healthy it feels so. horrible#ive didappointed so many people i jnkw that and i dont beed like. msuic and shit to remind me i already feel like im at rock bottom#neg#mano.mindtalk#tonight is. very not great GDJDHDHD
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darknight3904 · 6 months
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It Burns For You
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𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: ɪɴ ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏʀʏᴏ ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴘɪᴛᴏʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ᴄʀᴏꜱꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇꜱ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅꜱ
𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: ɴᴏɴᴇ, ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ. ᴏᴏᴄ ᴄᴏʀʏᴏ, ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴛᴏᴛᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʜᴇᴇʟꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ. ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ!
ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ
Coriolanus is 12 when he sees you for the first time. Your red uniform is pressed perfectly and your school bag looks brand new. Your lunch consisted of a hearty-looking sandwich with roast beef and lettuce and a container of fresh fruit that had his mouth-watering.
"Do you want a piece? Our maid always packs too much and I can never finish it. You can have some if you want." Your voice fills his ears
A delicate-looking hand is holding a juicy-looking strawberry in front of him. He reaches for it and it takes every ounce of self-control he has not to shove it in his mouth. Instead, he takes a small bite and thanks you for sharing.
"Don't you have a lunch today?" You ask
He doesn't. The school had said they would start supplying the students with lunches soon but how soon? Coriolanus had already been attending for a number of years and still nothing.
"I already ate it." He lied
"You're still hungry though. You can have the rest." You say with a smile as you push your fruit bowl to him.
"Is it your first day?" He asks
"Yes, my mother thought that my governess wasn't doing a good job so she had my father enroll me here. I miss being at home with my new kitten though. She has long white hair and she is the cutest thing in the whole world." You said
Coriolanus can't believe that you had your own governess, let alone a pet to call your own. He later learns from Arachne that your father became incredibly rich by manufacturing weaponry for the Capitol. Despite your inherent wealth, you've never flashed it around him.
You and Coriolanus are 15 when you discover all the lies he tells at school about his family. He had left his uniform jacket behind on his chair and you got his home address from Sejanus, meaning to give it back so he'd have it for tomorrow. Instead, you had discovered the Snow's decrepit-looking building and barely functioning penthouse. Coriolanus' heart nearly stops when he emerges from his room to see you and his Grandma'am sitting together as she compliments your shoes.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, ready for your judgment and teasing words
"I wanted to return your jacket, Coryo. You'll need it for tomorrow."
The red of the jacket in your arms matches his face as he ushers you to the door, trying to hide the fact that Tigris was preparing cabbage in the kitchen that would undoubtedly stink the entire place up with the scent of the Snow's poverty.
"Stop rushing me, your cousin invited me to stay for dinner." You say trying to stop the way he is leading you to the door.
"You don't want what she is making. Tigris is a terrible cook." He said
Tigris lets out a shout of disagreement from the stove and Coriolanus ignores it.
"How about, I go out and get something to add to the meal Tigris is cooking, and by the time I get back you change your attitude about me staying for dinner Coryo. "
And with that, you walk out the door and slam it in his face. He's rather stunned at your declaration but knows you're serious. He rushes around their home, trying to clean up what he can while Tigris laughs at his frantic motions. Then, just as he was debating whether or not he wanted to change out of his uniform, you return from your short trip to the closest market.
"I wasn't sure what Tigris is cooking so I got a couple of things." You say placing the bags on the table.
Coriolanus is sure you spent a fortune on what is in these bags. Fresh bread accompanied by a sickly sweet fruit spread and a block of butter sits in one while the other holds something else in a brown box. You take your seat next to him at the ugly little table he has eaten too many meals at and cut a piece of the bread for Grandma'am. He is worried when Tigris starts portioning out the cabbage she cooked on the stove. Coriolanus watches your expression as you take a bite but nothing that he expected happens. You don't knit your brows in disgust or get up to leave and take your fresh bread and mysterious box with you. Instead, you go back for a second bite and compliment what Tigris has done with the food.
He sits stiffly next to you and can barely accept the slice of bread you offer him. You excuse yourself to use the bathroom and Tigris reaches across the table and pinches his shoulder.
"Stop sitting like that, Coryo!" She scolds
"Like what?" He asks,aware that Tigris meant how oddly straight his back was.
"You're making her uncomfortable. You've been friends with her for years she isn't worried about what our home looks like." Tigris says
"She might not be but what happens when she goes to school tomorrow and talks?" He asks
He shuts up when he hears the sound of the bathroom door opening again.
"That was lovely Tigris. I've never had anything like it, I'll have to invite you all to my own home for dinner sometime. Our cook makes these pastries that are simply wonderful. They even get sold at local markets, which leads to this..."
His eyes widen when you finally unveil what was hiding in that second bag. A dozen expensive looking deserts sit in the brown box you brought, each one decorated differently.
"I hope I picked something everyone would like. I know Coryo mentioned that Grandma'am liked chocolate so I picked this one just for her."
Coriolanus feels a wide smile stretch across his face as you pass out your little desserts. His worries about you gossiping to their peers fade from view as he bites into what he thinks is a croissant. You laugh at his reaction and toss a napkin at his face which is most likely covered in the gooey fruit filling that was in his pastry.
He walks you back to your home that night and thanks you for making his night. He can't remember the last time Grandma'am had smiled from eating chocolate. You accept his thanks and gently tell him that he shouldn't be ashamed about his financial situation. He never gets to disagree with you though because a soft kiss is pressed to his lips followed by a rushed,
"Goodnight, Coryo! Thanks for the cabbage!"
He walks back to his own home with a jump in his step. Thoughts of you consume him as he smiles to himself, proud his first kiss was shared with you. He feels his heart burn with something that felt like it was going to come up and out his mouth as he finally made it back to his room, you officially had him wrapped around your finger.
Your room is flooded with sunlight the first time Coriolanus sees it. A soft, silky-looking bed spread sits atop one of the biggest beds he has seen as you beckon to your cat, Maisy to come and say hello to him. He looks at the oversized wooden dresser that sits against one wall. He sees the photograph of him and you that was taken a few weeks ago at your 17th birthday party nestled among little knickknacks. Books Coriolanus has never even heard of line your shelves as he you place a record on the player that sits on your desk. Soft sounds of a piano and the words from an unnamed singer fill your gorgeous room as he turns to you.
"Do you want to dance?" He finds himself asking
You accept and he leads you or well tries to. You're rather stiff and it turns out dancing is harder than it looks because he isn't any good at it either. You laugh as he trips over his feet and end up falling with him, landing on the ground entangled in each other. Your fingers brush his curls from his eyes as his nose brushes yours.
"What're you doing?" You ask quietly
"Nothing." He responds, his eyes flicking to your lips.
The moment his lips touch yours, a tingle shoots down his spine. This is a real kiss, not what you gave him when you were both 15. He cups your face and your hands are tangled in his hair as he deepens it. He felt his head spin as you moved against him, almost as if you wanted him to swallow you whole right here on your bedroom floor. A giddy feeling swelled in his chest when he pulled away for air.
"Coryo...what was that?" You ask
"I thought you'd know by now. That was a kiss, darling." He laughed brushing his thumb across your lip
"I know that...but why'd you give me one?" You ask
"Don't you know?" He smiles and places a chaste kiss on your lips "My heart, it burns for you, it always has."
Part 2 is out now!
Series Masterlist
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rskbunny · 8 months
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kinda depressin I'm actually yearnin to do school work again just to have some meanin to my day... I get an entire week off to do whatever I want but I'm so lost with myself that I just looked to what past me procrastinated for years to finish.... but they were all pretty small tasks.... it should feel good to not have all those back ups, but I just feel empty... maybe I wouldn't feel empty if school didn't drain me into a school drillin machine......
#text#mine#might delete later#it feels futile to try to start smth up rn when I know I'm not gonna have time for it again....#all my hobbies drain out into nothin when I have school. don't do much besides just rest in between work#I'm also just thinkin abt why do I feel like such shit all the time complainin abt how awful everything is and feelin like it's gettin worse#when I know objectively my life has been better than it ever has. and how hard I fought to get here. and how much it's changed#I have so much. I have an amount of fun money to spend on whatever I want. I'm at a place where I'm not pressured to do anythin#I have my cat indoors. I have my hubby who I was dyin to find for years.... even if it's not physically together atm...#I have a wardrobe filled with clothes I love. I have various technology and games#I think it's me that wrong with it all. I want and I want and I want and I want and it's never enough#or it's only enough temporarily. the goal post is always movin.#I guess I want to do schoolwork bc it feels like I'm actually movin forward. for whatever reason I'm not happy with my life#so I have to keep movin forward to get there.... which is not a bad thing I suppose#just wish I wasnt miserable all the time. I need to get a grip....#you know I say all the time but I'm so overdramatic with no emotional permanency#I know damn well there have been moments where I'm on top of the world. I am a borderline bitch what do u want from me#I think I'm just goin insane re: extrovert vent post#also need to get checked out for bipolar lmaoooo#I just cannot be assed to track my emotions that's soooo much work. I've tried so many times and I'm just not abt it
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fishofthewoods · 2 months
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I see a lot of people clowning on the people of Pelican Town for not repairing the community center themselves or clowning on Lewis for embezzling and. like. Those criticisms aren't entirely unfair. But I think instead of coming at it from a perspective of "why can't the townspeople do this" we should be asking "why and how can the farmer do this?"
Like. Think about it. The farmer arrives in Stardew Valley on the first day of spring. By the first day they're obviously different. By day five the spirits of the forest who haven't been seen by the townsfolk in years or generations are speaking to them. By the second week they've developed a rapport with the wizard that lives outside town.
In the spring they go foraging and find more than even Linus, who's spent so many years learning the ways of the valley. Maybe he knows, when he sees them walking back home. Maybe he looks at them and understands that they're different, chosen somehow.
In the summer they fish in the lakes and the ocean for hours on end, catching fish that even Willy's only ever heard of, fish that he thought were the stuff of legend. They pull up giants from the deep and mutated monstrosities from the sewers.
In the fall, their crops grow incredibly immense; pumpkins twice as tall as a person, big enough that someone could live inside. The farmer cuts it down with an axe without even batting an eye. Does Lewis wonder, when he checks the collection bin that night and finds it full to the brim with pumpkin flesh? What does he think? Does he even leave the money? Does he have the funds to pay the farmer millions of dollars for the massive amounts of wine they sell? Or is it someone--something--else entirely?
In the winter, the farmer delves into the mines. No one in Pelican Town has been down there in decades. No one in living memory has been to the bottom. The farmer gets there within the season. They return to the surface with stories of dwarven ruins and shadow people, stories they only tell to Vincent and Jas, whose retellings will be dismissed by the adults as flights of fancy. People walking by the entrance to the mines sometimes hear the farmer in there, speaking in a language no one can understand. Something speaks back.
The farmer speaks to the the wizard. They speak to the spirit of a bear inside a centuries-old stone. They speak to the shadow people and the dwarves, ancient enemies, and they try to mend the rift. They speak to the Junimos, ancient spirits of the forest and the river and the mountain. They taste the nectar of the stardrops and speak to the valley itself. They change Pelican Town, and they change the valley. Things are waking up.
And what does Evelyn think? She's the oldest person in the valley; she was here when the farmer's grandfather was young. (How old *is* she, anyway? She never seems to age. She doesn't remember the year she was born.) Does she see the farmer and think of their grandfather? Does she try to remember if he was like this too, strange and wild and given the gifts of the forest?
And does their grandfather haunt the valley? He haunts the farm, still there even after his death; his body died somewhere else, but his spirit could never stay away for long. Does Abigail, using her ouija board on a stormy night, almost drop the planchette when she realizes it's moving on its own? Does Shane, walking to work long before anyone else leaves their house, catch glimpses of a wispy figure floating through the town? Does the farmer know their grandfather came back to the place they both love so much?
Mr. Qi takes interest in the farmer. He's different, too; in a different way, maybe, but the principles are the same. They're both exceptional, and no matter what Qi says about it being hard work and dedication, they both know the truth: the world bends around the both of them, changing to fit their needs. Most people aren't visited by fairies or witches. Most people don't have meteorites crash in their yard. Most people couldn't chop down trees all day without a break or speak to bears and mice and frogs.
The farmer is different. The rules of the world don't work for them the way they work for everyone else. The farmer goes fishing and finds the stuff of fairy tales. The farmer goes mining and fights shadow beasts and flying snakes. The farmer looks at paths the townspeople walk every day and finds buried in the dirt relics of lost civilizations.
The farmer is a violent, irrepressible miracle, chosen by the valley and destined to return to it someday. Even if they'd never received the letter, they would've come home.
They always come home eventually.
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tender-rosiey · 3 months
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What would happen if gojo has 2 babies? And they both start crying at the same time and poor gojo has to find a solution in this situation 🥲 his younger baby that is only months old starts crying which makes the older sibling that's 2 years older wake up and starts crying 😭
little voice — gojo satoru x f!reader
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you’re on a girls’ vacation. it’s okay. it’s cool.
but it isn’t.
throughout his entire life of fighting curses, emotional trauma, technique training, and unending migraines, he has never felt so much stress like he does right now.
his two kids are truly angels: full of kindness, compassion and—as expected of a child of gojo satoru—full of mischief.
they also share the same amount of love he has for you and, of course, even more. so separate two kids who adore their mother and you get chaos.
satoru just found out that the one who keeps the balance in the house is you, and thinking back about it, it should’ve been obvious because everyone in this house listens to you.
for example, one time when you were out on a simple visit to nanami to take some of the sweet bread he has, you had strictly told satoru to put the two kids to sleep at 8:30 exactly.
he thought it’s too early, but then you explained to him that s/n sleeping gave him time and freedom to look after your baby daughter who was, admittedly, a handful that would not sleep unless she was carried.
so satoru obediently listened, or at least he tried to.
a shameful failed trial at that.
in his defense, what was he supposed to do when s/n gave him puppy eyes asked for a mere 10 minutes more, say no? of course not!
so, like the great father he is, he gave him a couple more minutes, and nothing will make satoru regret his decision since to him his son’s smile is worth the world.
…except maybe the chandelier that is now on the floor and his precious baby daughter who just took one the biggest poops he has known of and his son who is panicking about how to clean this mess before you come home.
and come home you did and to all this mess.
swiftly, you picked up your daughter and changed her diaper, even making her giggle and squeal in between.
then you hugged your son and cleaned up the shattered glass together and disposed of the chandelier. lastly, you stood in front of your husband with a big frown after you’ve put the kids to sleep.
satoru could swear that he couldn’t fall more in love with you. hell, he could even twirl you around and kiss you breathless, but he feels like that would just lead him to the couch.
so he works to butter you up first before trying anything, “hey my sweet cute honeypie—“
you simply quirk an eyebrow.
and he falls to his knees, “I am sorry! I just couldn’t resist his puppy eyes! you should’ve seen them; he looked so cute!”
“I saw them a million times before he was even born, ‘toru.”
your husband gasps, “how!?”
“our son is an exact copy of you, sweetie.”
so yeah that was one of too many times, and if it isn’t apparent that you are the mediator then satoru wants to let the world know that even his students listen to you.
like that one time at school when the first years were caught up fighting with each other, the second years were trying to pull them apart, and satoru was too busy cackling at them while holding d/n that no one noticed panda’s little tail being—god knows why—on fire, not even panda himself.
that was until your precious son tugged at your husband’s shirt and pointed at panda, saying a simple sentence (phrase), “papa, panda fire.”
satoru’s eyes zero on panda then they widen, before he gapes, “oh shit, you’re right!”
“bad word!”
“sorry!”
however, despite satoru almost bolting to put out the fire, panda was finally able to smell it and hummed, “something’s being cooked.” then he looked at his tail, “oh it’s me.”
hit the panic button.
“I am being cooked!” he screams and starts running around, “panda meat doesn’t taste good; I promise!”
the rest start running after him with the intention to help, but panda could only translate it into one thing as he screamed, “don’t eat me!!”
“no one is gonna eat you, dumbass!!” maki yelled but to no avail as no one could get to the panicked panda.
your husband is running as well, half taking photos and videos and half ensuring that d/n does not fall from his hands—considering how she keeps giggling, squealing, and wriggling her entire body.
ijichi took matters into his own hands and called the only person he knows will be able to solve this.
“hello?”
“panda is on fire, the kids are running after him, and gojo is just recording!” he wails, eyes frantically following said people then straying to a particularly small person, “also s/n is trying to eat the grass.”
“what?!”
and like lightning, you’re on the field. you lightly scold s/n and tell him to cover his ears.
you turn to the walking fire hazard and scream, “everyone stop! and panda get over here!”
“yes ma’am!”
he stands still in front of you, almost ignoring his ‘fiery’ tail. you effectively put it out and ruffle his fur until he calms down. the others take turns in greeting you and getting their daily dose of motherly hugs.
your son sprints to you and holds onto your leg, refusing to let go.
and they all make way for the star of the show: the all-mighty gojo satoru.
he beams, “wifey, yet again you save the day!”
he easily picks up s/n and pulls the four of you into one big hug. he rubs his cheek against yours, “have I told you how much I love you?”
“I was gone for 3 minutes.”
“I haven’t?!” he gasps, completely ignoring you, “I am a terrible husband!”
he sobs and starts slowly melting to the ground where he believes a ‘disrespectful, good-for-nothing husband who doesn’t tell his wife just how much he loves her’.
anyway, back to the present. the kids have been miraculously put to sleep—a process that satoru does not have the time nor the energy to describe.
when he stops ‘reminiscing ‘, he starts paling at the fact that all of these were mere examples of things going wrong without you, and you were in the freaking area.
now, you’re not 10 steps away, and satoru is feeling very threatened.
he is sprawled out on the couch, eye bags ever so prominent. he sighs and lets his head fall back, grateful for the silence that fills the house, but he hates it at the same time.
satoru was never fond of silence—the type that feels so heavy on the heart—even when he was a teenager. it gives space and time to think about all the things he is desperate to avoid.
he did eventually come to love silence but only the silence that accompanies the times he spends with you, but that’s a story for another time though.
opening his eyes, he looks around and his gaze lands on your recent family photo. his smile is almost instantaneous.
if there’s anything he will rub in suguru’s face when they meet is that he managed to score himself such a lovely wife and an adoring family, a real family. he mentally writes a plus one on the score chart between him and suguru then relaxes.
he would like to scurry to the bed where your scent still lingers, but his fatigue has simply chained him to the couch—he is overreacting you’re only gone for three days.
so, he decides, it’s time to rest and hope for a dream where he gets to hold you and live with his longing until he can feel your lips against his skin again.
the great gojo satoru closes his eyes and welcomes his slumber.
that is until, his little sweetheart decides to breakout into a wail, effectively causing her dad’s eyes to snap open.
he jumps to his feet and sprints to her room, “d/n, what’s wrong, honey?”
he softly cradles her in his—gigantic—arms and starts rocking her slowly. “it’s okay; papa’s here,” he murmurs in hopes of calming down, but his daughter doesn’t register his voice yet.
she can, however, feel his all too familiar chest against her cheek, so she grips at it tightly and continues crying.
satoru’s expression is full of distress, and his heart contracts painfully at how his daughter’s cries. then it’s almost like the entire world is against him right now because he also starts to hear small little sniffles from the door of the room.
your husband looks back to find his son dragging his teddy bear with him in one hand and in another, trying to wipe his tears as much as possible.
your husband quickly shifts d/n into one arm and leads s/n into him with the other. your son nuzzles into his dad’s chest and murmurs, “I want mama.”
almost like she understands the mention of you, she calms down a tiny bit and her hands start reaching for the air—reaching for you.
satoru slides down to the ground and pulls them both into his chest, and he starts rubbing s/n’s shoulder and kisses the top of his head and sighs, “me too, s/n, but, hey, we are strong and capable, so we have to hold on until she comes home, right?”
a little sniffle escapes s/n as he nods before saying a soft, “yeah.”
satoru smiles and ruffles his hair, “that’s my champ.”
s/n lets out a little smile and snuggles into his dad’s embrace.
so satoru shifts his attention to the sniffling baby in his arm, he frowns, “now what are we going to do with you, little missy?”
your son purses his lips for a moment, before placing the teddy bear in his hands into his little sister’s tiny arms. curiosity takes over for a moment, and she starts exploring the new item.
then s/n presses on the teddy bear’s chest and it plays a little voice message from you:
“hey sweetie! mama loves you, so don’t worry about those nightmares! I am always here.”
your daughter’s eyes shine and she hugs the teddy as much as possible and utters a small, “ma!”
satoru blinks owlishly then looks at s/n with smile, “so you had that all along?”
s/n nods slowly and holds into his father tighter, obviously getting tired and getting ready to sleep. satoru would love to say the same about his other angel but—oh she fell asleep.
looks like all it took was a little listen to your voice.
he will probably make you record a thousand voice messages when you come back and make you get him his own special build-a-bear as well cause what the hell? what about your husband?
he shakes the thought away, realizing that he can finally fall asleep, albeit on the floor.
with no blanket.
no pillow.
not even his favorite cushion.
but he wasn’t raised to be ungrateful, so he will take what he can get. he will simply make up for lost sleep when you’re back. it will feel better that way in any case.
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le-poofe · 1 month
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Finally~
I wanted to make a little something to say "Thank you for reading" to cap off WYS! Excuse me while I get mushy for a second-
Y’all are the reason this was able to get done. Your enthusiasm for updates and how the story unfolded really means so much to me. It was the little things that kept me motivated, even during the long hiatus. Seeing you guys pick up and point out little details sprinkled throughout the comic always made my day and gave me a sense of validation. Reactions to things like the surprise of Sans’ nightmare or Grillby’s comfort all made me super happy. And you guys gave the finale pages the sweetest reception I could ask for. l'm so grateful that you stuck around for the whole thing!
Overall, I’m very pleased with how this turned out! Interestingly, the main thing I’d want to change if given the chance is how I wrote Sans and Grillby themselves. Especially Sans’ dialogue. My characterization of them has changed quite a bit over the years (hard to tell bc I don’t draw them a lot atm). But that can’t really be helped. Just like the way that my art style changed over time. Hindsight does that stuff all the time. Nitpicking aside, I stand by the creative decisions made by 2019 Me
The funny part is that the original comic was 17 pages and I got them all done before hand so I wouldn't run into the issue of falling into a hiatus between pages!!! If y'all are interested in a bts post, I’ll try to dig up those og pages from my old computer. And maybe I'll show the even rougher epilogue draft I threw together for shits and giggles to see if I could get the page count to 69
Sansby has already been super special to me for a long time, finally getting this done and seeing the response strengthened that. I’ve had so many people find me through WYS over the years, it blows my mind. The messages from people who hold it dear really means the world! Without you guys this comic wouldn’t be what it is now. Thanks for Staying~
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