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starry-bi-sky · 1 year

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Part SEVEN of "Clone Danny"

Red Robin, Danny recognizes, steps away from him as he sits up. "My name is Phantom," he signs, blinking the exhaustion out of his eyes. (From Red Robin's perspective, it looks like he has no eyes. There lacks his signature green glow.) "I'm not a gang member, just an out-of-town vigilante."

Red Robin frowns at him, an uncertain grip on the bō in his other hand. "Phantom?" He repeats, no lacking amount of suspicion in his voice. "How can I believe that?"

Right. Yeah, okay, that's fair. Danny shrugs at him, and slumps against the wall. "Google search?" He gestures, he's been out in the daytime before and he's seen the news articles about him.

Red's eyes narrow at him and Danny simply draws his knees up and faceplants into them, half-listening to Red's murmurs into his comm while also trying to get some extra-shut eye.

("Oracle, can you pull up anything on a vigilante named Phantom? The guy here is claiming to be one." Tim says.

"On it."

"Is this Phantom wearing a white mask?" Bruce asks, his voice gruff like an aftershock. "There's a vigilante who shares the same name, but he resides in Illinois."

"Is this guy from that Amity city you visited ages ago?" Says Tim, before shaking his head. "Don't answer that. Yes, he's wearing some freaky mask. I said it reminded me of Hood's helmet for a reason."

"I've got something," Oracle interrupts, "Bats' right. as usual. The Phantom of Amity Park, not much stuff of this guy but he's only been out for over a year. Apparently, his rogues' gallery consists of ghosts."

"Oh great.")

"Look tell the Batman that I'm sorry for trespassing on his turf," He signs irritably when Red Robin eventually starts talking to (re: interrogating) him again. "It's not like I want to be here."

"How did you get in Gotham anyways?" Red Robin questions, batman was on his way to help deal with the situation but Tim doubted he wouldn't get caught up on the way with dealing with petty crime. "Your turf is nearly a thousand miles away from here."

"Two words." Danny deadpans, "Teleport ghost." (Red Robin winces sympathetically.) "I'm keeping this bastard in the thermos for a month for this alone."

(Danny was ignoring the slow-choking anxiety growing in his lungs over how he was gonna get home. He never takes his phone when he goes out, the risk of breaking it was too high. He had no way of contacting anyone to get him home.)

(He swallows the growing lump in his throat, and buries the feeling in the back of his mind.)

"Thermos?"

Danny unclips his Fenton Phantom Thermos off from his belt loop and shows it to Red Robin. "My ghost-catching device," He says with one hand, tilting it carefully for Red to inspect. "I wish I could say I made it, but its a FentonWorks invention."

(He wasn't sure if it was a smart idea to say who it belonged to, but saying it wasn't his probably loosened up any tracks on him, right?)

"Do you work with these Fentons, then?" Red asks, and something dark and shadowy flickers from the corner of Danny's eye. He glances over, and sees nothing, and his hackles raise.

(Either that was Batman, or a ghost, or Danny's mind playing tricks on him. He couldn't feel his ghost sense building in his throat, so he decided it was either the latter of the former.)

Danny snorts, quiet and gruff. "No." He clips his thermos to his belt again, stifling a smile on his face. "The Fentons hate me actually, I prevent them from catching ghosts themselves. Their son gives me their tech."

He had a cover story, so he might as well stick with it, right?

Batman shows up at that moment, appearing atop the little roof where the door is, and giving Danny a heart attack when he speaks in his low, rumbly voice like thunder rolling in, "Why would they hate you for that?"

Danny shoots up to his feet with a startled yell in his throat, clutching his chest as he whirls around and looks up. He nearly runs into Red Robin, and signs a few choice swears at the Bat.

"wow you're scarier in person, asshole."

"you didn't answer my question."

"Of course I didn't, you scared me." and Danny takes a trembling step back when the Batman jumps down and lands on the roof in front of him. He's faced ghosts before, but somehow the living is always scarier.

"But, um, the reason is a bit.. complicated, I guess." He says, fingers beginning to shake as his adrenaline wears off. God is he tired. He wants to go home. "The Fentons are the local ghost hunters and local crazies. I don't know if I can call them mad scientists because they're harmless to the living."

"But they're extremely anti-ghost. I've heard from their son multiple times the very unethical things they would do to ghosts if they got their hands on one."

Danny 'talks' a little more before calling it quits, even telling Batman that he can't tell him more without putting his identity at risk.

Plus, its getting harder and harder to hide his bone-deep exhaustion and his growing fear of being stranded in the most dangerous city in America with no way home.

"I would love to tell you more, believe me I'm dying to." Danny signs, shaky sarcasm dripping from his fingers. His hands are visibly trembling and he's withholding a slowly growing panic attack. "But I would like nothing more than to figure out a way to get home."

"Do you have no one to contact?"

"Sort of. But only one of them could probably come get me and get me back to Amity by sunrise. And I have no phone."

That one person being Ellie.

=====

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 4.5 (Dani interlude) Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.5 (Dan Interlude) Part 8

Taglist: @the-navistar-carol @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @gin2212 @youracearocroatneighbour @luckybyrdrobyn @deeplyconfusedbear @epilepticnerd @beautifulmomenttodrawblank @sara0055 @blusunkhild @letmesayfuxk (?) @latheevening226 @tkiesai @rosedasy @meira-3919

#dp x dc #dpxdc crossover #danny fenton is a clone #dpxdc #dp crossover #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc au #it was either ellie comes to get danny or he stays in gotham Somewhere #and he's Only Just met the bats so they're prolly not gonna offer anything #danny's fear of being alone in gotham is prolly downplayed here #but if it were me i would ALSO be slowly driving up to. a panic attack the longer i was in an unfamiliar city with no way home #if this were a proper fic that panic attack would be a lot more evident in the writing #alas #not me looking up Batfam personality cheat sheets because ive never read the comics #dont trust my characterization of the batfam im winging it on google search and summaries of their personalityand out of context comic page #fun fact amity park is described as a moderately large urban city similar to chicago or san francisco which means i cant call it a small to #listening to Dark Arkansas Daughter while writing this #'you with the dark curls you with the watercolor eeyes. you who bares all your teeth in every smiiile' is so au danny coded #bullet point to prevent me from dragging #i need to stop writing these at midnight #im a very honest person and it shows in my writing and it sucks

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spdrvyn · 1 year

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a Miguel x f!reader "who did this to you?" Angst fic?

bewitched by bandages — MIGUEL O'HARA

SUMMARY: as per usual, you were spending your late-nights fighting crime and trying to protect the city to the best of your ability. as you are in the midst of a strenuous battle, you're sucked into a portal which brings you to what you assume to be another dimension.

THIS FIC CONTAINS: violence. harassment. somewhat detailed descriptions of wounds. angst. hurt/comfort. translated spanish (i didn't use google translate). f!reader

NOTES: GOD I LOVE THIS TROPE SO MUCH HOLY SHIT thank you anon for sending me this ask i was gonna do this kind of thing w miguel eventually but like still mwah, sorry for being ia too btw... i'm trying to avoid getting burnt out n shit so that i keep writing stuff for you guys 🫶 anyway, ENJOOOY

"You will never be apart of this."

Those were the last words uttered to you before proclaimed protector of the multiverse, Miguel O'Hara, disappeared into the portal possibly never to be seen again.

He thought so too. At least, until he came back a week later due to yet another anomaly showing up in your dimension. Then another, then another, then another.

Humiliating was an understatement. What kind of Spider-Woman were you if you couldn't even take down one anomaly? Every time trouble came, Miguel was there to fix it. For once, you wanted to be the one to catch the beast. Hold it's severed head up to him with a big, fat smile on your face.

But that was a distant dream, only to be seen after you collapse onto your bed after an exhausting day.

You felt even more hurt when you found out that he was the leader of some kind of Spider Society. Yet, as he said when he first met you, you just weren't capable enough to join it.

Granted, he explained that it was an elite strike force but still. You were proud of yourself for making it this far into the whole Spider-woman gig, turns out that the bar was higher than you thought it was. It saddened you, deeply.

Though with time comes change. You've honed your skills and now confident enough to laugh in the face of who you were months ago, if an anomaly ever showed up again you'd show Miguel who's boss (not literally) and finally be able to join that god forsaken society.

You were much more confident in battle, actually much more confident in general. It was like you were an entirely different person to the criminals that you cowered before at night and the other more important people in your life at day.

However, there were moments where that confidence faltered.

Moments where you felt like that terrified, shameful, and naive little spider that you were mere months ago. A moment like now as you were being absolutely destroyed by one of your regular enemies.

You didn't know his name, you didn't want to bother trying to know anyway. He was the type of villain to give those excruciatingly long monologues that only dragged more and more time out of your excruciatingly long nights. So you just called him tech guy.

He is exactly what he sounds like. Covered from almost head-to-toe with different kinds of technologically advanced weaponry that made you wonder if he'd work as an appliance in a smart home.

Even when you enjoyed poking fun at the multiple devices stuck to his body, he didn't. Continuing to upgrade himself more and more each time the both of you fought. You had a feeling in your gut that your devilishly charming personality would come back to bite you in the ass someday.

He had you under the heel of his boot, quite literally this time. You bite back a grunt as his shoe continues to press into you, barely being able to look back up, you can see the absolutely smug grin on his face.

"I warned you, Spider-Woman. If only you listened to me, you would've seen this coming from miles away!"

"I'm here to—" You want to bury your face into the pavement as you can feel something sharp pierce the small of your back. "Fight bad guys not listen to lectures!"

"And look at where not listening has gotten you, little spider." Tech guy chuckled, uncomfortably close to your ear. You try to pull away but he has you pinned and he's close, too close. You swore from the corner of your eye that he had his hand raised. About to strike.

This was it, he was going to knock you out. Take you back to who knows where. Or maybe even kill you right here and right now. Leaving your corpse on the street for the citizens of New York, the citizens that you swore you'd protect to be mortified by.

You were finished, your end had come. It terrified you, if people saw your fate, who would do this job? Who would be able to gain the courage to step up? Even after knowing the dangers that lurk and entail it?

Dangers such as a portal opening up on the floor beneath you, it was blinding as you squint and your senses are immediately flooded by what feels like everything.

It's like a strong gust of wind swoops you away, the distant yells of tech guy growing quieter and quieter.

This relieved you but pained you.

As you were being blissfully carried away from whatever force was helping you right now, it put a lot of pressure on the injuries that have sustained from that scuffle.

You tried to scream, yell, shout for anyone in this space but nothing. You curl up into a ball, in attempts for it stop and hope that your next destination is the sensation of nothingness.

It was like you were being torn apart then put back together. Shifting from each form. Solid, liquid, gas, solid, liquid, gas, solid liquid, gas, solid rooftop.

What?

You groaned, looking up at the night sky of whatever hell you just landed in. You tried to sit up and you were able to! But with a now bleeding lip in attempts to muffle the absolutely bloodcurdling scream that you were about to let out.

Wherever you were, it wasn't hell (thankfully) but it definitely wasn't New York. At least not your New York.

Everything was strangely futuristic. Flying cars, sleek architecture, a lot of grass to your surprise, and beautiful lights that finished the beautiful view off.

The rooftop that you had landed on was no different either, whoever owned this place had a spectacular taste in furniture and it showed here. As you looked to your side, it seemed that it also connected to a bedroom. An empty bedroom.

God, you were going to feel so guilty about this later.

Fighting back yet another pained noise from coming out of your mouth, you manage to build the strength to get up on your two feet and stumble towards the entrance.

You take your slow strides and get to observe the room in the process, it was very spacious. A huge monitor hanging on one wall, a huge closet on the other side, not to mention that it has a bathroom attached, what would it be without a huge bed in the middle of it all?

To your dismay, you're only able to make it a few steps in before needing to grip the bedsheets for dear life.

The dear life that you might lose when you hear the muted sounds of someone talking from outside.

You're not really able to make any words out but it sounded like whoever they were, they yelled out to someone. Suddenly, she appeared in front of you.

A lady, dressed in a somewhat lengthy but quite fashionable fur coat, she adorned a pair of heart shaped sunglasses as she looked at the TV in the room with a puzzled look on her face.

It's not long before she catches sight of you, eyes widening and both of you exchange glances. You bring your index finger to your mouth in a placating gesture but it only gets worse as she calls out:

"... Miguuueeeeel!"

Miguel? Miguel?

Frantically, you wave your hands around in an attempts to shush her but your heart rate spikes as her body practically phases through you. Hologram. You were throwing hands with a hologram.

And it's like the whole world stops when the bedroom door slides open, your worst fears had come true.

There he stood. Miguel O'Hara. Although something felt different, and you realized that his mask was off. The first thing that came to mind was the unamused pout that he wore, eyes that stared down at you disappointedly, and a broad frame that took up nearly the entire doorway.

The silence was deafening, you could hear it ringing in your ears. So deafening that you could hear your heart drumming in your chest, your shallow breaths, his footfalls as he walked over to you. Before turning his head to his hologram lady.

"Lyla, scan this." Lyla nodded before looking you up and down, wherever her eyes followed it scanned. She turns back to Miguel with the prognosis on your injuries. "Fifteen scratches, ten bruises, and a slightly fractured rib."

The noise that Miguel let out irked you a little, you could feel how heavy it was as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I have a lot of articles that could help with fixing this mess, big guy."

"No, it's fine. I can deal with this myself,"

"If you say so."

Lyla seemingly poofs into thin air, leaving you alone with him and a whole lot of questions that you have to ask. Even then, even if you were the one technically intruding in his home, you couldn't break the silence. Where to even start?

"Who did this to you?" Well, okay. That was a start. You tried to open your mouth to even get a small explanation out but as you attempted to piece your thoughts together, the more it felt like your brain fogged up.

Miguel had unfortunately noticed this too, what a way to make an impression after weeks of not seeing each other. "Just sit down." You obviously complied, careful not to let any blood drip down onto his sheets, you hoped that you wouldn't embarrass yourself further.

Those months of training, those months of self-improvement, those months of trying to be better all shattered within an instant as you saw Miguel rummage through his closet, cursing under his breath until he emerged with a first aid kit.

It felt so hard to think about anything and everything. Well, not really. There were a million thoughts racing through your head right now, most of them being what exactly was going through Miguel's head.

Was he disappointed? It would be a lot more unlikely if he wasn't if you were completely honest. Was he upset? If you saw someone you didn't hold in a high regard just magically appear on the roof of your home all beat up, you wouldn't be the happiest in the world.

There wasn't even a single peep out of him as he opened the small kit, equipping himself with what looked to be a medical cream and rolls of bandages. You spared him just a small glance, you were expecting him to look you dead in the eye with nothing but pure unbridled rage for ruining his night but instead?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

He was laser focused on treating you right now or what you had thought to be a more plausible situation: he was just too disheartened to even look at you.

And you completely understood why, therefore ripping your gaze away from his eyes and moving down to his hands instead. You watched intently as the part around his hands dissolved into mere pixels before he swiped up a good amount of the cream onto his fingers, then gestured for you to hold your arm out.

Once the medicine came into contact with your wounds, tears dared to prick at your eyes. Fuck, it hurt a lot but you didn't really need to ruin his impression of you any further. You resorted to biting down hard on your lip and turning your head away.

Miguel, being the ever observant one, noticed this as well.

"You owe me an explanation." He was right. You did. You were quite confident that if you stayed radio silent for the rest of the night, you would be sleeping on the cold, cold streets of this world. "I've surmised that you got sucked into a portal then ended up here but most don't end up with injuries this bad."

There goes a good chunk of your explanation, which played well on your end. You didn't even want to begin describing what being transported from dimension to dimension felt like. Still, you wanted to play this cool.

"I was just in a fight, it was nothing serious."

"Nothing serious? Did you hear the results of that scan?"

You can't help how your cheeks flush at his quip, perhaps you were playing it too cool. If you tried too hard, he'd probably be able to see right through you but before you could even attempt defending yourself, he butts in.

"Qué dolor de cabeza." You heard him mutter. "I need more details about this, how many people were in the fight? What were they like? I'm not a mind reader."

His tone was harsh, it felt like he was cutting your scars open rather than healing them. You semi-understood why he was a leader, he had a way of making demands that was for sure.

"It was just one guy, but he had a lot of mechanical attachments. Saws, tentacles, other blades." As you explained, Miguel finished up bandaging your arm and gestured for your other one. You shifted slightly in position and held that up as well, sucking in a sharp breath as he goes through the routine of applying the disinfectant.

He seemed to just hum at your answer like he wasn't relentlessly asking you questions moments ago, you assumed that he wanted to hear more information so you kept talking. Like an idiot.

"I'm not the biggest tech person, you know? I was just swinging through and then he ambushed me, every time I've encountered him, he just continued to get stronger and stronger."

"Every time? How many times exactly?"

He emphasized 'exactly' as if you were actually supposed to count but even if you presented those kinds of details with a whole ass statistic chart, the answer would still disappoint him.

"Probably more than five. Like I said, he upgrades and–"

"Yes, yes. You said that already." He interrupts you again, hurriedly finishing up your arm before he rolls up the bandages; throwing them back into the aid kit with a very audible thud.

If there was another talent of his, it would be how very quickly he's able to shatter your pride.

"What are you trying to do here?" He asks you. You know you shouldn't be asking questions at risk of making yourself look even more stupid but with how vague that was, it felt like you had the right to. "What are you talking about?"

"You're trying to impress me. I'm asking you this stuff to know more about the nature of your injuries and you're trying to goddamn impress me. Why?"

Oh.

Clearly, since it felt like he knew so much more about you, you just looked at him. How could this possibly get any worse after all? No matter what you said, no matter how hard you tried, it would all be for naught in the end.

"If this is about what I said when we first met, these antics of yours seriously aren't helping your case." Your body went numb. "Then, after I clear all the anomalies in your dimension, you come flying back to me. Seriously?"

Your mind went numb.

This felt like more than just a reality check to you, no. Every single criticism that shot back at you continued to break you down into smaller, smaller pieces.

You dreamt about meeting him again someday, and it did not look like this in the slightest. Only now, if you thought about what that scenario would be like, you'd conk yourself in the head for being so fucking delusional.

The distant dream of him entering your dimension, to see an anomaly in your capable hands, to hear that gravelly voice that has only continued to criticize you praise you for your deeds, then you'd get recruited into the Spider Society and save the multiverse to your heart's content.

Oh, how dumb and naïve you were. Clearly, you still are both of those things. His words spoke enough about that. You didn't want to be here as much as he did.

"I didn't want this," You finally said, the most coherent thought throughout this whole mess. "Any of this to happen. I just– I don't get it at all."

"Don't get what?"

"What I'm doing wrong," You sigh, lip quivering as tears dared to fall. This time, it wasn't because of medicine. You hoped it was. "I've trained for so long, I've tried my hardest. You might not think so but I have, I really have. But it seems like I'm making a mess of it all."

With each second that passed, the dam dared to break.

An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room, but this one scared you even more. A while ago, even if he didn't say a word, you knew how he felt about you. About your predicament.

But now? You had no clue. He could embrace you, comfort you, tell you that it's okay and he understood how you felt. You could've pushed his temper to his limits, he would scream, shout, yell, and kick you out of his penthouse.

"This doesn't have anything to do with your training," Like that, Miguel took a sharp pin to the atmosphere and popped it. "It has something to do with your mindset."

Now, you were the one to give him a confused glare. He sighs, eyes scanning over your sorry state once more,

"You did this, all this, to get into my strike force and to woo me whatnot." Before looking back up at you. Don't be mistaken, the harshness in his face is still there but from what he was saying, it didn't seem to be what you had originally thought.

"The reason why you're so stuck is because I shouldn't be the first goal in your mind, you should. Are you following?" You nod.

"Good. You need to understand, this job isn't about trying to meet a standard or getting someone to notice you. Self-improvement. It's all in the title. Self-improvement."

You shiver as his warm hand rests on your shoulder. "If you're already this hung up on trying to win me over, take a step back and think about who's approval matters more. Yours or mine?"

Yours.

It clicked. Everything fit into place and the dam broke, though that should have been more obvious to you when Miguel's face had started to look a little foggier.

At first, you had expected him to hand you a tissue or something but he didn't move from his place. Instead, resorting to rubbing his hand up and down your shoulder in a weird, seemingly unfitting gesture.

You swiftly wiped your tears away with your palm, stifling a sniffle as you ask yet another question.

"So, do you think I'll have a chance of getting in someday?"

A snarkly reply or scoff was what you had anticipated but what he just did was probably the most shocking turn of events looking back at the whole night.

He chuckled.

"I'll keep you in touch."

request rules here, masterlist here

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diazsdimples · 3 days

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🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Please ignore that I'm doing this several months late 😬

🤠 - 24 for Ranch AU!

But that did leave him with an awful lot of time on his hands. Bobby and spare time have never been great friends – the last time he was left to his own devices for more than a day, he’d ended up knee deep in planning a lavish wedding that had ultimately been chucked out the door when he and Athena realised, they really didn’t need anything more than themselves and the kids. All that to say that it isn’t really surprising that Bobby downloads the Sims 4 onto his ancient laptop and creates a full-scale version of the ranch. He gets the dimensions off the listing, and with the help of a convenient floorplan and google earth, he manages to make a rather convincing version of the home. He does up the exterior to look just like the ranch house, complete with the large veranda and the ornate trims around the spandrels, and even manages to find a tile that looks exactly like the path leading to the front door. The interior is a different matter. Bobby doesn’t love the colour scheme either, and he can’t see himself coping with an oven as miniscule as the one that comes with the home, so he allows himself a little creative licence. It’s just a video game, after all. He’s not seriously planning it out. Several hours later, Bobby sits back in his chair with a satisfied sigh. Blessedly, Athena still has a job, which means Bobby hasn’t needed to worry about her finding out his momentary lapse in sanity, but it also means he hasn’t got anyone to show off his creation to – a thought that upsets him a little more than it should, were he being normal about the whole thing. He’s fiddling around with some of the furniture in the master bedroom when the front door bursts open and a furious looking Buck stalks over his threshold, followed by a harried Eddie. “What’s going –” “Bobby, you wouldn’t believe what that man made us do!” Buck explodes as he starts pacing the kitchen. Eddie leans against the countertop, running a hand over his face. “I know you said I shouldn’t let him get to me but I can’t, he’s just so –” Buck trails off, looking over at Bobby. His eyes flicker from Bobby’s patient expression to the open laptop, still displaying the Fake Ranch. “Are we… interrupting something?” “No.” Bobby goes to shut the laptop but Buck is quicker. “Is that the Sims?” Buck asks incredulously. “Man, you must be bored, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you play video games.”

❄️ - 24 for Frostpunk AU!

“You did it,” he repeats, praying his voice won’t betray him. “You’re safe.” At his words, Eddie’s eyes shut, and his brings his hands up to his face as he lets out a deep exhale. His fingers shake as he wipes a tear from his cheek. “I didn’t think we’d – I thought -” Eddie swallows thickly. He looks around the tent, eyes wet, and his gaze falls on a familiar mop of brown curls. “Is that – is that my son? Can I see him, please?” Buck squeezes Eddie’s shoulder again, offering him a smile. “Of course.” When Buck reaches Christopher’s bed, the kid looks up at him quizzically. It’s clear that he wasn’t as blissfully unaware of his father’s event as Buck had hoped, despite the small crowd of medics around him, all intent on distracting him. “Is everything okay with Dad?” he asks Buck, without preamble. Buck crouches down to Christopher’s level and brushes a loose curl out of his eyes. “Yeah bud, everything’s okay. Better than, actually – he’s awake.” Buck holds out his hand for Christopher. “Want to come see him? He’d like to see you.” Christopher throws himself into Buck’s arms, taking him by surprise. Buck catches him around the middle and hauls him up, carrying him to Eddie’s cot. The moment Christopher sees his father, sitting upright, awake and breathing, a great sob escapes his lips. Buck lowers him into Eddie’s waiting arms and pauses, not sure what to do as he watches father embrace son. Fat tears roll down Eddie’s cheeks as he holds Christopher as tight as he can, muscles shaking after weeks of no use.

#james writes #make me write #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc #911 buddie #911 #frostpunk au #ranch au #bathena #bobby nash #athena grant #christopher diaz

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 1 month

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s3 episode 23 thoughts

the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.

well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....

let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:

reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.

we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy.

okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.

shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on.

police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!

as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(

so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...

we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.

the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.

mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx

cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!

murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.

OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??

they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)

anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.

scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.

the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?

mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.

so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!

“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao

scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!!

cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!

he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder

AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man

OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!

so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.

he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me

he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl

middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...

scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!

but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….

cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!

scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY

so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!

OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?

despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious

they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.)

they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!

scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird

so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...

“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw

it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.

mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!

he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.

despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.

but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!

holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.

and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door.

OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!

(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)

he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.

cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭

OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.

and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!

despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.

GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!

the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???

but why wasn’t he effected?

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????

wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....

okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!

he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..

(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.

so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..

(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)

but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.

(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)

so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.

he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…

but it isn’t her. PHEW!

despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?

but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.

(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)

NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her….

“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief)

“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)

she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing.

WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…

timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.

she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.

and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-

before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!

and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare.

OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt.

(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)

THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.

he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.

(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)

so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…

he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!

he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.

he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!

who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.

OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't.

WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….

cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….

so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.

OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.

oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing.

poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward…

other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?

so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!

#man i did all the typing of the notes yesterday but editing them took another hour today because RAHHHHH there was so much here to unpack #and i am going to KEEP unpacking it for a while #someone please give that man a child it is becoming increasingly evident he loves being around kids #let's get him to talk about his feelings first and then he can have a baby okay? one thing at a time #OHHH WHAT is this X fellow UP TO?!?!? AUGHHH i need to know #scully. my poor poor poor sweet scully. you deserve no pain and yet such pain has been inflicted upon you.#and her poor mother :( she is just the sweetest :( the pictures of dana and missy on her bedside table...#she is so loved :( and she loves mulder too which is so important :(#WAHHHH <- more crying!!!#so good. but in case you were wondering this still didn't bring actual tears to my eyes.#i guess that is just for poor little doggies getting eaten by beasts...#juni's x files liveblog #the x files #txf

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thisbluespirit · 4 months

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How To Find Your (British Actor) Blorbo On The Radio: A Brief Guide

(Disclaimer: British, because the main tool I'm using is the BBC's Genome.)

If you want more of your fave actor, or you love full-cast drama podcasts/audios (and audiobooks/NF content too) here's a guide on how to get your hands on BBC Radio broadcasts.

The BBC have a great free resource called Genome, which has all the Radio Times listings from 1922 to the present day (plus some of the actual articles), and it's searchable. Up until its arrival, it was really hard to do that, so \o/

Not all actors do radio and not everything you find will be obtainable, but it's always worth a try! It's especially likely for actor-blorbos who do other audio work, or theatre (theatre tends not to pay so well, and radio is a handy extra thing that can be more easily slotted in between performances than TV/film.)

Go to Genome, and put your blorbo's name into the search box:

Press search, which will bring back a bunch of results from both radio and TV listings from 1922 up to the current year:

2. Filter down to "radio only" on the sidebar to avoid scrolling through all the TV. At the top of the page you can change the display order to First broadcast (or Availability, if you want it only to bring things currently available to stream on the BBC website), among other options.

I can also cut down on extraneous results by selecting a date range that only covers when my guy was active.

I scroll down until I find something that looks interesting, in this case a proper audio drama, called The Hornblower Story. It's from 1980 and is an adaptation of a well known book. The details give me enough info to search the wider internet, and see if I get lucky...

3. Search the internet and listen to your blorbo act in radio drama!

There are several ways to obtain radio drama online. If you use streaming sites like Audible and Spotify, it may be there, although usually only if it's had a commercial release.

The BBC still broadcast old programmes on the radio, so it might be currently available on their website to stream - and unlike TV, you can listen to BBC Radio anywhere in the world! (If you are in the UK, you can also download and use the BBC Sounds app.) The Genome will usually provide a link for you to go straight there, if that's the case.

However, obviously, most BBC Radio from past decades is not available commercially or being broadcast by the BBC now and some doesn't exist in the archives, or was never recorded (as with TV), but as methods of recording audio at home have been widely available since the 1950s and 60s, there are loads of off-air recordings of radio made by listeners/collectors, and some have freely shared their copies online. Some are in closed forums etc., but three good sites to try first are YouTube, RadioEchoes & the Internet Archive.

I usually start with a Google search - e.g. '"Title" radio' or radio bbc and if that doesn't give me anything add on first "Radio Echoes" and then "Internet archive" to the search.

And I'm in luck! Radio Echoes appear to have the adaptation I'm after. I need to check the broadcast dates to see if they match up & then I can stream or download for free - and hear my blorbo play a stern Admiral for 5 minutes or less, hurrah!

Clicking on the links takes you to a screen where you can press play to stream or right click on the play bar to download the mp3 file to your device. (Click the "Save audio as..." option).

These are archive off-air recordings, so the quality can vary, especially for older programmes.

4. Rinse and repeat with each new likely Genome discovery.

If you find a copy of what you're looking for on the Internet Archive instead, you'll get up a page with a play bar (like the one above), with episodes listed plus details (to varying degrees) below. If you want to stream, just click play and enjoy. If you want to download it, then click on the MP3 files line on the right-hand sidebar, which will then give you an "X no of files" button to click and you can download them to keep.

(You can download all the files, but I usually cut straight to the chase and just nab the MP3s.)

Sometimes the BBC have released a commercial audiobook. In those cases, if you already use audio/music streaming subscription sites like Audible or Spotify, you should be able to find it there.

If you don't, or you want to buy a download, I've found the best option (weirdly!) (for UK users, at any rate) is to get the audiobook up at Penguin Books, which links to various paid subscription streaming and download options, so you can find the best one for you (and you know it's been recced by a hopefully reputable source.)

Last year, I wanted to buy Vivat Rex, the BBC's landmark dramatisation of all the English history plays rolled into one giant starry-cast Jacobean audio serial, and successfully used this route. (I'm very old by internet terms and still like listening via MP3 files on my MP3 player, as long as it survives.)

Pretty much the only affordable download option I've found so far I got courtesy of Penguin's links to Hive. (But this may be a UK only option.)

If what you're looking for seems likely to exist even if you can't find it by any of these methods - keep trying! New things are being added daily to all these websites, and the BBC cycle round old shows all the time.

And if you want to go deeper, there are closed forums etc. for radio enthusiasts where you need to make an account, but you may then be able to torrent or download an even wider variety of things.

Of course, whether or not your blorbo has been in anything good or any radio at all will depend on them, but I hope this guide will help enable you to find out!

YouTube, Radio Echoes, the Internet Archive and Old Time Radio all have radio from other countries too. So while the BBC Genome can't help you with anywhere outside the UK, the other links here can be good places to look around and browse for things you might be interested in.

You can of course use the same methods to search for things like a favourite author, or particular plays, to see if the BBC have done any radio adaptations - BBC Radio have done heaps of things that have never been adapted on screen, so it's always worth a look for anything you'd be into.

Radio Echoes is browsable as well as searchable, and while Internet Archive is a bit less so, there are some excellent collections you can look through, like the Saturday Night Theatre collection, and the BBC Radio Shows listings.

#bbc #radio #audio drama #resources #genome #radioechoes #internet archive #podcasts #radio drama #radio comedy #audiobooks

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novantinuum · 5 months

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Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: Mature Audiences (For references to underage sex) Words: 2.8K~ Summary: It’s possible. The timing lines up. What Connie fears is one hundred percent possible. The problem is, a potential pregnancy this early into their relationship was absolutely not in their plans.

WOE, post canon Connverse pregnancy scare fic be upon ye.

This is honest to god the fastest I've ever written a fic of this length in my whole ass life- I thought of this idea literally last night and nailed it all out in like twelve straight hours. Just so y'all can make an informed decision on whether to read or sit out, this contains minimal description of actual sex beyond like one short paragraph- instead focusing in on the human fallout of poor teenage decision making.

Connie is 17 and already in college, and Steven is 19.

On a semi-related topic, Google absolutely believes I'm pregnant now after all the incessant research I did for this story, lmafo.

Enjoy! I'm putting basically all of this fic under a cut here due to its mature topic nature.

If you asked Steven what kind of conversation he expected when Connie called him out of the blue at one AM in the morning, one where she’s hysterical and halfway to hyperventilating definitely wouldn’t have been at the top of his list.

“Woah, woah—” he stresses, passing the phone to his other ear so he can pick on up what she’s saying better. “Just— slow down, okay? Start from the beginning. What’s happened?”

“It’s been three days, Steven!” she says, voice hitching upon his name. “I know my cycle, okay?? I’ve been tracking my cycle ever since I started menstruating, and it’s supposed to be like goddamn clockwork! It’s never been late like this. Never!”

“And you’re, uh— you’re absolutely sure there’s nothing else that could be interfering-??”

“Of course I’m fucking sure!” she hollers, making the small speaker bar on his phone vibrate against the side of his head.

He winces, already regretting his poor choice of words with her.

“Okay, okay, I— I shouldn’t have pressed about that. I’m sorry. Just—” he sucks in a deep breath of air, doing his absolute beat not to delve down the dangerous implication filled rabbit hole this early on, when tensions are high and accurate information is sorely limited— “what do you need right now? What can I do to help?”

“I need you here,” she warbles, her hysteria finally pushing over the brim and transforming into a heartbreaking bounty of distraught cries. “With me—!”

He clamps down upon the inside of his lip, thinking. The unfortunate part of living two timezones away from a romantic partner is that their transportation options for emergency visitations are limited. Unless…

“Is Lion with you?” he asks, crossing his fingers and hoping beyond all hopes that this aloof feline miraculously chose this evening to make a visit at Connie’s off campus group home.

“I-I…” Brief pause. There’s a faint ruffle in the line, probably her shifting position. “I think he’s outside, yes.”

“If you can send him over to me, I’ll be there as fast as I can. Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispers, hoarse and strained.

“We’ll figure this out, I promise. Love you.”

“Love you…”

And with that, Connie hangs up from her end.

Steven’s humble little studio apartment falls into complete and utter silence. He cradles his phone in his hands, staring with unparalleled intensity at his seventeen-year-old girlfriend’s smiling contact photo for a good few minutes… contemplating the sheer daunting weight of the potential future life’s just sprung on them out of nowhere.

It’s possible.

The timing lines up.

What Connie fears is one hundred percent possible.

“Shit,” he ultimately hisses, shoving the device in his back pocket and moving to grab his wallet, his keys, and a light jacket.

This was absolutely not the conversation he expected to have tonight.

_____

One trip to his local 24-hour convenience store and a ride on Lion later, Steven finds himself perched on the edge of Connie and her housemates’ shared couch holding the instructional pamphlet for a pregnancy test, intensely conscious of the sleep shattering noise they’re probably making out here despite their best attempts at whispering. Ugh. He really, really hopes they don’t wake Patricia or Natalie up with all this racket. He doesn’t want to be rude, especially not at the heart of midterms season.

“But this says you’re not supposed to take it until a week after your first missed period,” he says, tapping his finger at the relevant section of fine print.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not gonna work at all, though,” Connie shoots back, tussling the instructions from his hands. “Look, see—? It doesn’t say you’re not supposed to take it until then, it just says the results may have a higher chance of inaccuracy.”

“And isn’t accuracy exactly what we need at the moment?” he responds with a bit too much stress riding within his tone.

(His thoughts trail back to almost three weeks ago. That kissing session that got a bit more heated than either of them had originally planned for. The expired condom that he didn’t realize was expired until after it broke in the middle of sex.)

She shoots him a withering look, her eyes puffy and damp from all the tears she’s already shed tonight.

“No, what I need is an answer. Any answer, so I can finally go to bed and stop freaking the hell out over this. You know how I am— I just gotta rip the bandaid off, and then I’ll be fine. I’ll even test daily for the next week if that makes you feel better.”

“Whatever makes you feel better,” he gently redirects, capturing her trembling hand within his and rubbing faint circles against the side of her palm for a few precious moments.

Sniffling, she gives a faint nod, grabbing the test itself from the coffee table and moving to stand.

“Okay. I… I’ll be just a few minutes. I’ll come back out once I have the sample ready, a-and… and then we can wait together.”

“Take your time,” he says.

She does.

As it turns out, peeing on demand (and on a plastic test strip, no less) is pretty difficult, even more so when one is stressed beyond all belief.

They keep in contact over text for those long twenty or so minutes, and it’s through this feed of discussion that he starts to piece together the full picture of what must’ve happened here.

Mistake number one: Connie knew she was in a fertile period. She knew, and— horny as she was at the time— decided to progress the speed of their lovemaking anyways. All her choice. She provided him a condom she’d gotten as a free sample from some university health fair, and off they went. In any normal circumstance, that’s where this story would stop.

But then came mistake number two: right as he neared the brink of orgasm, he felt a distinct jump in sensitivity— one that not only sent him careening right over the edge, but also alerted him to the fact that his condom must’ve snapped. He’s almost positive Connie felt it too. He pulled out as quick as he could the second he realized, but what’s done was done.

They discovered big mistake number three right afterwards: The condom was already expired. It was expired all along, and neither of them had thought to check the label before slipping it on. Stupid. Connie promised she’d talk to the campus nurse about getting her hands on some free Plan B that next morning— just in case— and Steven assumed that was the end of it.

But then there was mistake number four: Apparently, Connie never took that Plan B at all. She was so wigged out over one of her upcoming midterms in a class she’s barely passing that (as he learns via this text thread) she forgot to go to the nurse to inquire about it in the first place. By the time she remembered, too many days had passed for it to be effective, so she didn’t bother looking into it further. Instead she merely crossed her fingers that nothing would come of this series of unfortunate happenings whatsoever, but then came late period day number one. And then number two. And then number three. And by that point, the evidence seemed so stacked against her favor that the stress simply exploded. She couldn’t study. She couldn’t even sleep. Thus, she just has to secure an answer tonight, or she’ll never find any peace, she says.

He understands, he does.

But also… he really, really wants to make sure that whatever answer they settle on with this matter is guaranteed correct. And soon, while there’s still time to do something about it (if that’s what she wants) without too much emotional investment coming into play.

Because accidentally knocking up his girlfriend in her second year of college… before they’re even married or close to being engaged… and while she’s still seventeen to boot was absolutely not in their plans.

“Ughhh… stupid, stupid,” he hisses to himself, knocking his head against the plush backing of the sofa.

If that damned test comes back positive, her mother (and heck, probably Pearl too, for that matter) is going to kill him.

While he wouldn’t mind being a father in a few years’ time, the fact of thee matter is that they’re nowhere close to ready for such a future at this current juncture. Neither of them have jobs. Neither of them have a home of their own that isn’t partially paid for by their parents. Hell, on his end, even with regular therapy and steady medication he still struggles with the most basic self-care like showering daily and remembering to eat breakfast. So how on Earth— if Connie’s fears are right, and she is positive— is he supposed to suddenly pivot to taking care of an infant too on top of all that? Oh stars he’s not ready for this. He’s not.

And if that’s how he feels, then he can’t even begin to imagine how much terror must be surging through her mind at this present moment.

Yikes. He’s really made a mess of things, hasn’t he? He should’ve… ugh, he should’ve said something. He should’ve gently told her ‘no’ the moment she revealed she was only a day away from ovulation. He shouldn’t have taken the risk. He should’ve thought to check in with her about the Plan B instead of blindly assuming she took care of it. He’s older, so he should’ve been the responsible one.

He tells her as such.

no, no… it takes two to tango, silly, she responds via text a few seconds later. it’s not your fault any more than it’s mine. im sorry for yelling at you earlier, it’s just. not what i had planned.

same, he responses.

And then, after a hard swallow and a moment’s pause… he dares to rustle up that big ol’ elephant in the room.

He asks The Question.

have u thought about what you’re gonna do if its positive yet

A set of ellipses show up at the bottom of the screen. She’s typing. Slowly.

Or maybe…

The ellipses disappear for a bit. Then reappear. Then blink out existence once again.

Steven sighs, sinking back into the couch and setting his phone upside down so he doesn’t have to psych himself out by staring expectantly at her contact photo at the top of their text feed for the next goodness knows how long.

Good grief. If he weren’t already so damn emotionally drained over all this, he’s sure he’d be glowing bright ass pink right now. Thank goodness he’s not. Connie needs his comfort tonight, not the other way around. His lip crinkles into a pensive frown as he reflects on the situation… shifts his gaze around the darkened living room. (He catches the faintest glimpse of Lion snoozing outside the window again as his eyes adjust to the light level.) For the briefest of seconds he considers shooting a text to Dad, curious if he might have any advice on how to handle this sort of situation, but then…

No, no. It’s far too early to say anything. Plus, he doesn’t want to risk letting the blunt reality of their active sex life break containment unless Connie says it’s okay.

His phone buzzes.

Heart pounding with unimaginable ferocity, he flips it over to read.

honestly the reason i’m so freaked out rn is that i think id really wanna keep it. even though im SURE it would mess up all my college goals. is that stupid??

Brief pause yet again as she adds something else.

i’m so, so sorry i know that might not be something you’re ready to commit to rn. that’s half of why i’m so upset. i don’t want this to speed up our relationship in ways you’re not ready for, or ruin it altogether

Steven’s inhale is sharp and shallow, his thoughts racing as he tries not to consider the potential implications of what her decision means for him too deeply. It’s not about me, he reminds himself. It’s not about me.

hey, no- it’s okay, he types, fingers shaking. don’t fuss about me. it’s your body. your choice. i’ll support you through whatever you decide. promise.

Send.

A good while passes without a response.

Considering the heaviness of the topic, he’s half a mind to stride across the room and go knock on the bathroom door to see if she’s okay, but then that very door squeaks open.

Connie scuttles to the couch in a hurry, the test and a generous wad of toilet paper in hand. She lays down the paper on the coffee table first for cleanliness’ sake, and sets the plastic sample cartridge on top of it.

Then, with a weary sigh, she sets a timer on her phone for three minutes.

“Please don’t let me look at it until time’s up,” she says, slumping against his side for comfort.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, shifting his position to wrap his arms tight around her. Secure. Safe. “We’re okay. Whatever happens, we do it together, all right?”

“All right.”

Noticing her heavy blinking and angling to help her feel better, he brushes a stray wavy lock back behind her ear, his touch as delicate as he can muster. “Hey. Jam buds?”

“Jam buds,” she nods with a watery smile.

They sit in silence for about thirty seconds, allowing each others’ racing heartbeats to lull them to at least some form of camaraderie laden relief.

Or at least, they try to.

“My mom is not gonna be happy about this,” Connie says out of the blue, attaching words to the daunting thought they’re clearly both stewing over.

“If it’s positive,” he reminds her. “It’s still a big if.”

“But I’m right though. I was an underage accident, too, remember? I just—” her voice breaks as she chokes back what he fears might be an impending sob— “I know she wanted better for me. I don’t want to disappoint her, y’know?”

He risks a dry joke to lighten the mood.

“Well… at least if she’s mad, you have the excuse that it runs in the family to fall back on, right?”

“Oh, shut up, you,” she says with a half-hearted giggle, playfully shrugging him away.

They lapse into a peaceful quiet yet again.

He busies himself tracing abstract shapes against the knob of her shoulder, doing his best to help ground her amidst this unexpected squall in their relationship.

“How much time’s left?” she asks, her tone shrunken and nervous

Steven glances over at her phone on the table. “Just a few more seconds.”

The timer goes off a mere cluster of heartbeats later.

Taking a deep breath as one committed unit, their hands inseparably intertwined, the two lean forward to investigate the pregnancy test together.

There’s only a single band visible in the results window, where the control should be.

Negative.

Steven lets out what’s quite possibly the biggest exhale of his full nineteen years.

Thank the stars.

That’s step one.

It’s still not a solid confirmation— not with this singular test taken so early into what she fears is a missed cycle— but it’s a start.

“What does it mean that a tiny part of me is kinda disappointed now…?” Connie asks him afterwards, sinking backwards into the couch’s soft embrace.

“It means we’ll have to try again in a few years,” he says, giving the crown of her head a soft kiss. “When we’re actually ready.

_____

Connie tests again just a few hours later that morning.

Then the next day.

And the next.

All negative.

Much to their relief, their one hundred percent conclusive answer comes on day three, when she calls him at the literal crack of dawn with immense excitement to report the belated start of her period.

Just to be extra sure, she makes a walk-in appointment at the university clinic to talk through the scare with one of their doctors on day four.

“It was that damn anxiety med I just started,” she relays to him over the phone later that evening. “I didn’t even think about it. Apparently medications that function as antidepressants run the risk of screwing up your cycle a bit. Thus, the delay.”

“Well, now we know for the future, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says with a faint chuckle. “That, and the importance of never using cheap free sample condoms. Ugh… I’m gonna be so paranoid about expiration dates, now.”

He frowns, rapping his fingertips against the arm of his desk chair.

“Hey, listen— don’t get all worked up over it, okay? Like you’ve said before, it takes two to tango. We never have to do anything you’re not explicitly comfortable with.”

“Yes, yes, you’re right,” she acquiesces. “Of course you’re right… Still, I guess the silver lining of all this is that now I know I actually want children someday.”

“Same,” he says, his chest fluttering with unquestionable affection. “Let’s get you through college first, though. Then we’ll talk.”

Connie giggles, lively and free. The sound is spellbinding music to his ears.

“Sounds like a deal, Biscuit.”

#su #su future #steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #su fanfic #steven/connie #my writing stuff

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crisalidaseason · 2 years

Text

This is very self indulgent because I was very sick and nobody cared for me so now I'm projecting my perfect scenario on Armin Arlert.

Thermometer

Summary: You came down with a fever and boyfriend!Armin takes care of you. Tags: very self indulgent, angsty, family issues, Armin being a sweet and good boyfriend, fluff. Also, I measure temperatures in celsius so have that in mind when you read it (37ºC equals 98ºF, 39ºC equals 102ºF according to google), also probably errors because I wrote this post-fever.

Getting sick was not often for you, and fevers were even more rare. The thing is, when you had a fever you couldn't even move. You would lay down in bed and wait for the sickness to get slightly better so you could actually take some medicine. This was a habit you picked up from living in your family home. Nobody would check on you during sick times, not even fetch a thermometer or medicine. Sometimes you genuinely thought you could die and nobody would notice.

You've been living with your boyfriend, Armin, for a few months now. He was the sweetest boy on earth, always so ready to aid you whenever was needed. You still had a hard time getting used to somebody caring for you so much, but nothing prepared you for the first time you got severely sick while living with him.

It was a Saturday evening, you arrived home from work exhausted. You had a splitting headache all day and your body was starting to shiver.

"Shit, not a fever. Everything but a fever!" You whispered.

Fevers were the worst. You could handle a stuffy nose, allergies and sore throats just fine, but fevers were the only symptom that incapacitated you entirely.

You quickly took some cold medicine and showered, before the fever got you good, going to bed immediately. Soon enough you could feel your body shivering more violently and the awful cold spread through your body. You were lucky to catch the fever early enough to even take medicine, maybe this time wouldn't be so bad.

You didn't hear the door open, signaling Armin's arrival, but you heard his voice calling your name. You didn't have the strength to say anything, unfortunately.

"hey, love, everything okay?" His voice was low.

You felt his touch on your forehead and he quickly retreated his hand.

"you're burning!"

You could hear him shuffling through the room, opening a drawer. He approached you and softly grabbed your arm, putting a cold thing on your armpit. You cried a little because of the sensation.

"sorry love, it's just the thermometer"

Once the device beeped, Armin cursed under his breath reading the temperature.

"did you take any medicine?"

You just nodded.

"Alright, I'll be right back"

He kissed your temple and left. You didn't know what he was going to do, but a small part of your brain hoped he was going to care for you.

Moments later, Armin came back. You couldn't keep your eyes open, but could hear him squeeze water out of a towel, which he placed on your forehead. The towel was ice cold and you let out a cry again.

"I know it feels awful, baby, but I need to drop your temperature"

He put another small towel under your neck. Armin stayed by your side, damping the towels every few minutes to keep the cooling sensation and checking your temperature. You were not sure when sleep came, but it was already very bright when you woke up. You noticed your body wasn't shivering and tried moving to a sitting position. The bedroom door opened, revealing Armin.

"Oh, you're awake" Armin said.

He left a mug of steaming tea on the bedside table and quickly took the thermometer to measure your temperature again.

"37º" he said with a tone of relief once the device beeped "I was a little concerned when you wouldn't leave the 39's. Our ice stock is down to zero, but it was totally worth it"

You weren't dreaming then, Armin did spent the night dropping your temperature. You could feel the tears forming on your eyes, too quickly to stop them.

"Hey hey" Armin said "what is it? are you in pain?"

He got closer, trying to figure out what was happening. You just shook your head no and embraced him tightly. He hugged you back, kissing your temple and rubbing your back.

"It's okay, love. Whatever it is you can tell me"

"Not now, just hug me" you said, voice all weird due to your sore throat.

He shifted your position to cuddle you more comfortably. After long minutes of just embracing one another, Armin reached for the mug and the small capsule of fever medicine, offering both to you.

"Ginger, lemon and honey" he said "granpa used to heal every illness with this, I might be biased but it used to work wonders"

You had to battle even more tears, he made you tea!

"Thank you" you said, taking a sip and immediatly making a face.

"I know, it doesn't really taste good, sorry love" he said "but I promise it will help"

You took another sip, the ginger was strong, but you trusted Armin with your life, he was caring for you after all.

"No medicine tastes good" you commented.

Armin chuckled. You finished the tea, already feeling the exhaustion creep on you.

"Tired?" he asked.

You nodded. He took the mug from your hands and motioned for you to lay down in bed, covering you with the sheets.

"Try to sleep a little more, I'll be here when you wake up"

You grab him before he can stand up.

"Stay with me, please"

He smiles and leaves the empty mug on the bedside table. Soon he lays in bed, holding you close. You relax into his arms and silently thank the universe for sending such a caring partner.

#oh yes #me projecting my life scenarios #pls armin why are you fictional #i need him #armin arlert #armin x reader #armin x you #armin x gnreader #armin x male reader #armin x fem reader

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compusever · 10 months

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Hi there! Bit of a weird question, and I’m not sure if this is the right blog for this, but… best laptop for privacy? I’m going to go to uni in a year and my parents have said that they’re going to buy me a laptop, which is awesome, except— I don’t know which one to chose? I’ve never had a laptop before but I try to take being private online as seriously as I can, and so I don’t really care… well, like, I do care that the laptop has good storage and works and stuff, but I care mostly about how private it is. Which one supports adding privacy-related stuff the best? Which one steals your data the least? I… am actually not sure what kind of questions I should be asking, since… again, never had a laptop before, and I don’t know what about its make makes it private (other than like general online privacy practices across all devices), so I was just wondering if you had any recommendations for me? Tldr: don’t care about fancy features, just want a laptop that more or less works, but would love privacy to be the main focus. This can sort of come at the expense of convenience - I don’t care it if’s harder to set up, use, etc., so long as I can connect to the internet with it.

So the hardware is pretty agnostic on this, the place where privacy is going to become an issue is in the software.

Windows loves to track you and send your data back to homebase; Apple is a walled garden that doesn't let people get deep into configurations; linux is intimidating for a lot of people.

Your actual best bet on privacy would be to get a laptop with no OS and install a linux distro on it, but it sounds like that's probably not something that's terribly approachable for you. So in that case I'd recommend getting a Windows laptop (mac prices aren't worth it) and going through this list to change the settings to ensure better privacy.

HOWEVER please note that you should be getting a laptop with a full OS. Windows has an option for "windows 11s" or "windows 10s" and first off you should be going with 11 at this point but second that "s" means that there are pretty strict limitations on what you can do as a user in terms of configuration and installation.

If you are willing to pay a bit more for Windows 11 Pro instead of windows 11 Home, the pro license cuts off some of the more annoying tracking that Windows does automatically, but I'd say you're better off simply getting the home license and really digging into the settings and getting to know it and setting it up for yourself.

BUT if it's at all possible, honestly I'd say get a bare metal laptop (that means it's just the hardware, no software, you need to install an operating system before you do anything) and install linux. HOWEVER keep in mind that there are some significant downsides to using linux as a student, mostly that you'll likely run into software at some point that you won't be able to install. Also if you're not already pretty good with computers it can be difficult to keep a linux machine running (but very easy to make it private; that's the tradeoff - you can make it more secure more easily, but you really have to know how to fix your own computer if something goes wrong.)

For your situation, again, I think a Windows 11 Home laptop with the settings adjusted is your best bet.

Absolutely positively don't get a chromebook (you've got no control of the settings on a chromebook and the thing is made to feed information to google) and don't get a mac (you can get better specs on a PC at a lower cost).

For an idea of budget on this, I'd say you can probably get something from Dell, Lenovo, or HP for around $650-1000 dollars that's got decent specs (12th gen or newer i5 processor, 16gb RAM, 512GB SSD) and maybe something more like $500-800 from acer, asus, or samsung. Whatever computer you end up getting, you should get the added drop protection warranty because that means the manufacturer will fix your laptop if you drop it, something that is a bigger deal for college students than most people (because of your environment you're more likely to end up with drop damage than a lot of people AND because you're a college student you probably won't be able to afford to fix or replace the computer)

Good luck!

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luyepiaofeng · 1 year

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˖⁺‧₊˚✦ ways to make your laptop aesthetic feat. some extensions, websites & apps for students

i created this cause i found some time to finally upgrade and properly personalise my laptop, it took me almost an entire day watching youtube videos, researching for these and setting them up. so... i'm basically posting this for myself lol, but i also feel like sharing cause these are actually really good hehe

i'm using a windows laptop but i think most of these should work on mac too. most of these are free but there are maybe like less than five that require to be paid.

those that are marked with an asterisk (*) are the ones that i'm currently using while others are recommended or alternatives!

here is what my home screen looks like now:

i. screen saver

fliqlo (ios & win) * flipit (win, an inspired & alt ver of ^) flix clock (mac & web, paid ver comes with colours other than black) aura gradient clock (mac & web) retro anime desk clock (mac) flocus (web) * studywithme (web) note: remember to right-click the file and select "install", then ensure that the wait time (e.g: 5 mins) is less than your "turn off your screen" and "put my device to sleep after" (e.g: both 15 mins) in power settings

ii. tab themes

kluk: a clock tab theme * angry study helper: a tab theme that gets angy at u whenever u open a new tab gratitutab: a minimalistic tab theme that works as a to-do list prioritab: a tab theme that shows priorities that u had set for the day, week, and month

iii. extensions

tldr this: summarizes long docs, websites, articles, etc. with just a click * paperpanda: download research papers by clicking on it, it searches on domains like google scholar, semanticscholar, aodoi, and more * coffeelings: mainly a mood tracker that also saves mini journal entries colorzilla: an eyedropper colour picker * whatfont: click on it and hover on any text to show what font it is * mybib: an apa, mla, harvard, and more styles citation generator * read aloud: a tts reader that supports more than 40+ languages * notion web clipper: creates a website into a bookmark into notion * noisli: lets u listen to relaxing playlist while u study/work

iv. websites

lofi.cafe i miss the office i miss my cafe i miss my bar i miss my library a soft murmur patatap tomato timers animedoro lifeat coolors blush designs untools fontjoy zenpen decision maker museum of endangered sounds future me

v. apps

virtual cottage chill corner notion *

vi. rainmeter skins

mond * lano visualizer amatical * small clean weather animated * ageo sonder * cloudy harmattan note: if you're new to rainmeter, it can be a bit overwhelming, u may check out this short and simple tutorial on it, make sure to read the instructions if you're using complicated skins like weather (may require u to edit in txt), i also highly rec watching techrifle's videos

vii. misc.

wallpaper engine * (highly rec getting from chillhop) my live wallpaper (free alt of ^) translucenttb * roundedtb note: u can disable your shortcut icons to be invisible by right-clicking on your home screen, go to "view", and untick "show desktop icons", this is optional and i would always enable it whenever i'm working and gaming for easier access, i also set the icons to small

#luyepiaofeng #students #websites #aesthetic #laptop #desktop #customisation #extensions #minimalistic

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script-a-world · 11 months

Text

Submitted via Google Form:

How can I have a world that improves technology but also doesn't remove obsolete technology? Obviously not all obsolete technology, ones too dangerous, doesn't have enough safety features etc, why of course they can go. Let's first start with things like computers. Clearly older things no longer run on newer computers, but it erases things that were made on old types. I want a society that actually preserves those old things and still has new things made with the old technology. If it's a car, well, obviously poor safety features do have to be gone, but any technology that can be kept stays - I suppose you can say retro but definitely trying to follow the old technology as much as possible.

Licorice: You can have this world by making it like the world you’re living in right now. Human beings have a tendency to get very attached to their old technology and invest a great deal of time and effort keeping it in working order, as vintage car rallies can attest. Of course, if you want to drive your vintage car on a public road you have to make sure it meets emissions requirements, is fitted with seat-belts, and fulfils all the other safety regulations.

Technology very rarely gets removed, it’s simply superseded by something that does the same job better - but “better” is a subjective concept. It depends on what any given individual is looking for in their tech. For example, whenever I have to replace an appliance in my home I try to find a second-hand item that pre-dates ‘smart’ technology. They are easier and cheaper to repair, last longer, and have fewer things that can go wrong with them.

Nowadays we have tablets and photoshop but people still make art using brushes, charcoal, paint and canvas. We have Google docs but people still write their novels by hand. We have electric cars but people still drive horse-drawn buggies as a hobby, and also as a competitive sport. In fact the only field in which I imagine obsolete tech really does completely disappear is in STEM, but even then there are probably hobbyists who lovingly maintain and use these old tools.

In short, people hanging on to and lovingly using their old tech is just a normal thing that people do.

Tex: People keep around objectively dangerous technologies all the time as novelty or historical items (see: all the mercury in things, or radioactive materials), and will create entire hobbies around developing patches across technological eras (see: phonographs with USB ports, old video games in emulators on your computer) as a niche skill set. At that point it becomes history, and people work to preserve it for a variety of reasons. As Licorice said, the world you’re looking for is the world you’re already living in. What sort of technologies were you having in mind? There’s a fair chance some hobby groups are out there preserving, restoring, and using exactly that.

Feral: In addition to what Licorice and Tex have already said, I recommend that you look into planned obsolescence and understand that it is not actually necessary for a lot of slightly-less-than-new technologies to no longer be usable the way we often see with Smart devices. It’s a purposefully built in and added feature that could easily be left out.

#google submitted #technology #culture

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technovillain · 1 year

Note

I think you should go off about the autistic transmascness of raz, sasha, and otto. Right now. Forever if you are so inclined

.....maybe I will....... (i gathered my thoughts on ye olde psychonauts fic ideas google doc lol)

I tried to make some of it make a little bit of sense with the vaguely established time periods they have lol. In terms of awareness of trans identities and stuff....but I'm not playing the self-hatred stuff, just the lack of understanding of how that works based on general public social understanding of what I imagine the Psychonauts universe to be like....plus I imagine that like Psychics can sort of tell when people are related (in canon) a lot of them just also sort of have this understanding (even if highly vague) of gender difference from the very start when they are trans.... at least a lot of them do, specifically these three I'm headcanoning. And final warning. This is VERY VERY long. Like so very long. But I will share it since you egged me on :]

I will put it under the cut for length reasons. In case Tumblr glitches and tries to show the whole thang ding to people.

Otto: afab, questionable relationship with his parents. Outright always refused femininity boldly and outwardly. Pretended to be a boy all the time, strangers sometimes believed it when he was a kid. His parents tried to make him be more feminine on many occasions, and he always fought against it. After a while, they got busier and became less involved parents. At this point they gave up on making their daughter look presentable. They had written him off as past fixing as far as a female reputation went. They just told him sort of that he was up to his own devices if he was going to act like that forever. They’d be there if he wanted some help getting his act together, but otherwise he had to fend for himself. Got older and assumed he was some sort of lesbian or something. Just vaguely identified as some sort of butch lesbian identity, but a lot of people called him ‘he’ all the time and he wasn’t sure if he connected with womanhood or lesbian identities at all really. He eventually read as so masc that a lot of people assumed he was a guy anyways. And he liked that but never put a name to it because he didn’t really know about trans people. Had some sort of shroom(psitanium? dunno. something. they did psychic hippie drugs together.)-induced gender awakening with Ford one day when they were younger, before all the Psychonauts stuff. His eyes were finally randomly opened and he changed his whole outlook on his psychic abilities and gender. Decided to actually socially and medically transition after this.

Sasha: afab, gender presentation change brought on when he had to be raised by his father. Lars Nein was so disconnected from femininity that he had no clue what to do with a daughter. So he made Sasha work with him in the shop and gave him the same haircut that he gave himself for utilitarian reasons. Sasha accepted this, long hair bothered him for sensory reasons. After a few instances of Sasha having psychic encounters with reading the minds of strangers, Lars was accepting of the psychic identity but immediately knew that it would set Sasha apart from his peers even more than he already was. Sasha started wearing tinted glasses when he was around this age. It was good for his light sensitivity and also good for Lars’ store customers, many of whom claimed to be disturbed by his tendency to stare right into people's souls. Lars felt feelings of guilt over not being able to be a good father to a daughter quite often. He would not talk to Sasha about this, though, and it was another thing that Sasha had to feel guilty about when he read Lars’ mind.

When he left home, he kind of didn’t know what to do with his presentation. He was no longer under his father’s care, so he could do whatever he wanted, technically. But being so very Sasha Nein, he just kept the same look. He didn’t have to think about it if he just kept it all the same. He never let his hair get long, he never wore feminine fashion. He ditched the androgynous childlike overalls and just moved on to men’s clothes. He probably kept a few pairs of womens clothes just in case. But probably could never get himself to wear them for some reason. He’d sooner skip out on whatever event would require them anyways and convince himself that he had better things to be doing than something frivolous. Besides, men’s clothes were just more practical for the type of odd job work he was doing. He just assumed that there was something really wrong with him because of what his childhood had been like, like the absence of a mother had messed him up somehow. [This man had a heavy Freud fan phase, sorry. It definitively shaped him and it is obvious lol.] I can see him just not understanding this aspect of himself at all for a long time. Spending a long period of his life “correcting” people to let them know that he was in fact a woman by birth. He just felt some sort of obligation to always “eliminate social falsehoods to avoid later conflict” and figured that was the right thing to do. He didn’t allow himself to engage in gender euphoria at the expense of others’ “mistakes” the same way that had been so formative for Otto. By doing this, he unknowingly held back his own confidence and self-understanding for years. As he shadowed all sorts of assorted jobs, he eventually found himself pursuing something regarding his burgeoning psychic powers, working under Otto. Otto was quick to question exactly what Sasha “was”, because he felt that there were some obvious connections to his own childhood. I mean, you don’t just find trans people often back then. (Except you do when you are psychic. This is part of the deal. More psychics are LGBTQ+ and they tend to find one another easier. This almost feels canon to me...dunno) Sasha had always been the master of repressing his feelings, and Otto was basically like “Hmm okay. Smoke this weed or something. Think about your gender. I implore you. I am going into your little square head and we are going to figure this out, alright?” And Sasha was nervous working under him at first because he had no clue the job was going to become about himself. Sasha preferred not to think about himself at this point in his life, only to think about the work and research he was doing. At least the research was really interesting at Psychonauts HQ. But Otto easily made him feel on edge. All this introspective stuff was difficult for him. But Otto sharing his stories and feelings about transgenderism and aromanticism helped him significantly.

Otto was able to describe things like this in such a fundamental way that made them seem like irrefutable scientific fact. And Sasha started to understand and believe it. And he started to internalize it. And this internalization led to acceptance. And for the first time ever, Sasha loved himself. Otto offered him his home-grown hormones he had been taking and gave him a lot of general guidance. Sasha started to feel a real sense of brotherhood, of guidance and understanding. He had never worked under someone and not felt lesser than them before. This was different, this was personal and special. Sasha finally had a real friend. Also he was totally a man. Wow.

Raz: afab, but given a gender nonconforming name due to Aquato traditions. Grew up feeling fine "being a girl" for a while. It was more like he was fine with being a sister, because his relationship with his siblings was good, especially with Frazie. He was okay with having a label like sister or daughter because it was defining his life through his loving connections with other people and that was very real and accurate to him, he didn't even think about the female part (this is me projecting. cough). Raz's experiences with gender are very much tied to his psychic powers. He was never as close to Dion as he was to Frazie. Frazie also had a "boy's name" and Raz always figured that the whole name thing was why he felt the way he did about boy stuff. After Frazie reached a certain age, though, it became clear that their feelings were not the same. She didn't want to share psychic things with him anymore, and she didn't want to be called a boy name anymore. Raz could not understand this at all. Frazie felt like these were things that for her own identity to evolve properly, she would have to drop, and deep down she had always known that. But Raz doesn't feel that way at all, in fact he has always known that the boy name and the psychic business was more him than anything else possibly could be... Raz takes great joy in “pretending” he is a boy, pretending he is a famous psychic...he gets his first cases of gender envy and gender euphoria from magazines of Sasha Nein. Shapes his whole new identity on him because of it.

He comes out to Frazie. Frazie is understanding because she is a psychic and she can sort of secondhand feel what he is feeling and believe it despite social influence that would lead her to not understand what being trans is like. After coming out to Frazie, they decide to start acting like they're playing a game again, just not psychic stuff this time. Frazie makes it clear that they can’t do that anymore. Raz takes on a silly persona oftentimes, and the two act like they're playing a game where Raz is an action hero man. So she gets to keep treating him like a boy all the time. Augustus and Donatella become suspicious when the so-called "game" seems to be taken too seriously, in that everything Raz does seems to be to the end of not being seen as a girl anymore.

Now this is the 80s, but Dona is also from a long history of showbiz. I like to think that Dona had a brother who was exceedingly fruity and on occasions other than performance, gender nonconforming. Meaning that she had been forced to think of the idea of gender fluidity before. Which is part of the reason for her gender nonspecific naming of her children in the first place. Augustus cares very deeply about Raz here and wants to make sure he is faring well with the others. So I think Raz is confronted by Augustus and reluctantly comes out to him when asked if the whole "pretending to be a boy thing" had grown more serious than just some sort of game. Gus was extremely welcoming to the idea, even if he couldn't completely understand it, he was hit with this sudden pang of intense empathy [it's the psychic thing again]. Donatella finds out the result of the conversation thru Gus afterwards. Dona encourages Dion to give Raz his old circus clothes and a few other old things they were holding onto just in case. Dion does not get what is happening. Over time the whole family gets it and they decide it is for the best. Raz has been performing better and has been so much more happy since this development. The only concerning part at this point was his increasing interest in psychics...

Yada Yada the events of PN1 happen. Lili is his first real crush. He never thought a girl would like him back and is honestly thrilled at the development of getting to have a girlfriend like a real boy would. He decides to keep his transness to himself when it comes to Lili. He doesn’t want to feel like an imposter. When Raz gets to meet Sasha, he does everything in his power to make Sasha think that he is the number one coolest boy in the world. Sasha really sees himself in Raz for reasons he can't quite put his finger on...I mean it's not like he acted anything like that at his age. [It's the transness and the 'tism] When Sasha finds out that Raz is trans, he suddenly realizes what it felt like to be Otto all those years ago when he began his mentorship. Raz is scared and embarrassed that Sasha will tell on him but instead receives a cool and collected "It's okay, I used to be [a girl] as well." And Raz is absolutely mind-blown. He can't believe it. The two have a talk about their experiences that is like a much more dry version of he and Otto's past discussion. He doesn't mention that Otto is too, or Milla. The general standard in this universe is that people just don't talk much about being trans publicly. You just have to learn to accept it and adjust. Some of the 80s taboo has to creep in there and make people at least not used to talking about it openly, even if not out of shame.

When Raz finds out about the hormones situation and how it is in fact not illegal drugs fueling an addiction (lol) he goes to Otto like "hang on who all here is like that!! Like me and Sasha?" And Otto is like "oo-hoo doctor-patient confidentiality!" And Raz is like "Please, I just don't want to feel alone!" And now Otto knows that Raz is trans too and he is very happy about this information because to him, Raz is like the perfect blend between a young version of himself and a young Sasha. And Otto knows he isn't going to use this information for bad so he tells him that it is himself, Sasha, Milla, Norma, and now Raz.

GIANT THUMBS UP. I broke Tumblr a couple times trying to post this.🏳️‍⚧️

#it deleted all the tags i wrote before bluhhhh #uhm um #keep in mind i wrote this when i was very sleepy like a week ago #so if there is poor wording or something know i was impaired on account of sleepy #tried to proofread but i am a skimmer by nature #just realized i didnt address otto's name situation.... i dont have a full hc for that yet other than it isnt his birth name #sasha and razputin are both birth names they stuck with in my hc #with sasha being gender neutral name and my raz 'aquato naming tradition' hc #hcs #ask #razputin aquato #sasha nein #otto mentallis #.txt #OMG IT FINALLY POSTED. HI.

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faithfromanewperspective · 6 months

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was just thinking about how easy it is to compare the current president of Israel (whose name I don’t even remember) to hitler. it fits the way we think, doesn’t it, foreign people do bad things, what we see as familiar is good. but then the more I think about it, about how this whole thing has been set up and the extent (which I have to learn more about exactly still) to which usamerica is driving a literal genocide then the person I’ve gotta do that comparing to is actually… joe biden??? like that’s such a curveball in our brains we never expected but if you trace the power structures, yes there’s a fair deal of being a puppet going on but only because he never stands up against it. because he doesn’t actually care to stop it. and actually how fucked up is it that we’re literally talking about how the best thing is to continue voting for him for president because the other guy is worse like ??? none of us expected it of usamerica. we respected that country. we still respect its people and hang out with them every day

but like. let that sink in for a second. the guy encouraging and allowing a genocide is the better of two options?? if that’s the case I’m sorry but the civilians really don’t have any power. I’m sorry but if that’s the standards we have we have to start imagining better. this is like when your parent asks you if you want to wear a red shirt or a blue shirt but you never got the option to wear a dress instead or simply no shirt at all. it’s the illusion of choice. and as a world how do we turn a blind eye to this?? how do we not call out our dear cousin usamerica who is clearly in a bad state right now? whose leadership desperately needs to do better especially if they’re going to be in a position of leadership in the world as the power structures would have that they are?

because people live and breathe economy I was thinking, what if the rest of us simply boycott usamerica like we boycott Israel?? that would send the global economy to shambles. and I know it’s not gonna happen all of a sudden (so no need to hurriedly account for all the people that would get hurt) but what if we did? simply stop buying and consuming things that come out of America?

now I’m probably one of the biggest and most long-standing swifties you’ll meet (tumblr doesn’t count it’s an echo chamber) but could I? could I simply hold off listening to the tortured poets department when it comes out and stick to her older stuff I already own on cd’s and the like? Taylor doesn’t need my money or my numbers next to her songs and I’m going to be missing a lot if I do this but when this is over, her music will still be there. My favourite author is American. that one might be harder since I really want to read the second sword catcher book (I’m not worried about twp since it’s not coming out til 2026). I know a bunch of technology comes out of usamerica but I don’t need to update any of my devices and if I do there’s probably other brands I can buy from. I think because my iTunes is Australian I might be okay with it?? but I’m trying to transition away from it and buy more cds anyway. And I don’t watch tv, I rarely watch movies now so I could probably forgo that too.

I was actually just thinking about how there are so many songs out there I probably won’t get to listen to. what if, in boycotting some this is my chance to broaden my horizons? and I will preface with the fact that I know many non American artists do live and record in LA: im not gonna boycott them for that. In fact I’ll support their music because I want them to come home. and I might make an exception for green day and good charlotte for generally protesting much about usamerica?? but tell me guys, what do you think?? is this feasible? I might actually do it. I’ll make an exception for tumblr probably and use meta social media to the minimum (maybe I should for tumblr too and google). but also. is this racist?? is it going to do any harm?? because damn it I want to support the people. I want to support marginalised groups and native americans but I also want to be part of a boycott that’s meaningful rather than a token gesture. and I know the usamericans of us can’t do this, but please if I do it see it as me supporting your rights to having your opinions heard on a political level because I come from a country that isn’t great colonialism wise but at least we have that and I can’t imagine not having it

#boycott usamerica #boycott usa #<-genuinely can’t believe this is a tag in the wild gonna check it out #anyway. this is gonna hit hard for the fandoms I’m in on here #if I do it fully #luckily we still have 5sos #but I feel like I’m being up myself about it when Australia’s not really better #at the same time albo has finally gotten mad at israel and we don’t have anywhere near the international power #usamericans please weigh in on this #free palestine #human rights

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stevishabitat · 4 months

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wodneswynn Hey, listen: We're not gonna get anywhere with this "socialism" stuff unless we can establish solidarity networks that provide. real, tangible aid. And I do mean "tangible" in the sense of "you can fill up a box with it."

Back in the old-timey days, when we didn't have things like a minimum wage or gov- ernment assistance, folks didn't think twice about paying union dues every month out of their meager paychecks. And in those days, when it was a regular, everyday occurrence for union people to get beat up or outright murdered for their union-ing, the unions still managed to win a lot of their fights. Reason for all that? The bigger part of them union dues I mentioned "went into a strike fund",

Time on a picket line means time off the clock. And as for me, in this economy, if I go a week without a check, my family don't eat. I go two weeks without a check, and we're homeless. And them's the brakes.

Rjenroses: In my community we started a co-op in order to, in part, purchase things with mass buying power (i.e, we can get things at wholesale if we order enough of them, so we can, for example, eat organic food for about what conventional costs a lot of the time.)

But we also set aside a little money each time we order, and that money helps pay for donation boxes... and the social network we created when we created the co-op means that if someone has a crisis, someone else probably has the answer. "This family just lost their job and can't afford to buy presents for their kids" may get a response of "Here are presents for every single family member" or it might end up with finding a job for the people looking for work, or both, because the co-op membership is diverse and represents a lot of people who are otherwise. very connected in the community.

When a part of town is out of power, it's usually possible to find a co-op member who can run for ice or bring a meal, or offer use of a washer/dryer for the evening.

We had one year where we were making donation meal boxes for a holiday, found out on the last delivery about a family in severe need, talked about it in the co-op group and ended up showing up at their house with not only a meal, but enough dry goods, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. for a month, plus a credit with the co-op for fresh fruits andveggies.

I cannot overstate the power of networking. in your community. This one started out. in a natural parenting group, but quickly spread beyond that, from college students to retirees. It's like a small town, only more open-minded. We started with about 20-30 families. There are now hundreds of people involved.

I had a trans kid land with me at one point and asked if anyone had size whatever clothes and within a few hours we had a box on my porch, within a couple days we had a bunch of things he needed.

The co-op keeps a lending library of tools and weirdly specific kitchen devices like an Æbleskiver pan, a food dehydrator, a capsule maker and a carpet cleaner. The kinds of things people need once or twice a year, but might not have the room to store.

We periodically do a buy of sensory toys and sensory bin supplies, for example, because we have a lot of autistic members and parents of autistic kids,I have bought socks from the co-op that were purple with unicorns farting rainbows on them. We recently got in Black History: flashcards and we've done a lot of Black Lives Matter and Hate Has No Home lawn signs. Pretty much if people want it and we can find it at wholesale, the co-op will order it.

It even spawned a side-business (more than one, actually, but this is the relevant one) of an online app for co-op managing, called http://managemy.coop so that other communities could take advantage of our experience and start out with an easier tool than the google spreadsheets we started out with.

Anyway... if you want to network within your community, this is a really, really good way of connecting with a broad cross-section of people.

nyshadidntbreakit: All that stuff about unions still applies, too. Unions have hardship funds. If you're a union member and you're broke, or you've been fired, or whatever, you can apply to the union for a grant to help you out. The binmen in Birmingham pulled off a months-long strike. recently thanks to the union paying their living costs. Unions force employers to pay decent pension contributions and have safe sick leave policies,

If you're employed, join your damn union!

solarpunk gnomes: You might check out http://www.transitionus .org/transition-towns too. They're trying to build resilient communities by getting neighbors to talk with each other about stuff.

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whumblr · 1 year

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Tempting fate

Home is where the hurt is: Part 1. Continuation from Broken night. Still, I feel @painsandconfusion had the easier method...

Another night free of Zayne, another night actually not free at all and sitting around in silent misery.

After Jay got home, the collar had been snugly replaced to his throat again, with Zayne just fucking right off, busy doing whatever shady shit he had for the night.

Leaving Jay to steam in his pain alone. And while he was somewhat glad he had no audience to share in his humiliation, he also felt this definitely defeated the point of Zayne’s torture. Like, what was the point in his suffering if there was no Zayne to enjoy it. It was the main reason for his visits. What a point in his life to reach…

He abruptly sat up, fingers crossing over the device.

Oh shit…

Something tickled in his throat. A tickle that quickly evolved to a dry itch. Oh no… He tensed up. If he had a coughing fit now… he’d probably choke to death on electricity.

He pulled at the collar and, to his surprise, found that it gave more than yesterday. But not far enough to separate the prongs from his throat.

But maybe… maybe he could slide something in-between? Creating a little barrier?

As his face turned red trying to keep himself from coughing, he desperately looked around. Scarf, jacket… all cloth which wouldn’t protect him. Books and paper wouldn’t help. Something solid, something that wouldn’t leave him with a coaster plastered to his throat! He looked down - Leather! – and settled on his own belt, quickly unfastening it with shaking hands and ripping it from its loops.

Then he slid the piece of leather up between the collar and his throat.

His heart leapt. It worked! The prongs settled against the leather and before he could even grab his phone to google a “does leather protect you from an electric shock?????????” he gasped and couldn’t stop a cough.

He squeezed his eyes shut. But… nothing happened.

His eyes snapped open again. Nothing happened!

“Ha!” he tried again in triumph. The little red light winked its activation, but he didn’t feel a thing.

Ohh lord, he did it. He’d found a loophole. His mood instantly brightened. No pain this evening! No abrupt wake-up calls! And if Zayne asked again tomorrow, he could just say he slept ‘like a log’ and it would be true and not a lie and nothing for Zayne to catch him on.

Because, yes, he did in fact wear the collar all night.

He hummed a sassy and defiant “hehe” that taunted fate. He pulled the end of the belt a bit further up to his chin so it wouldn’t slide out, then slung the other end over his shoulder and looped it around his neck. Definitely not something he should be proud of to wear, but he didn’t care. No one was here to laugh at the irony or to yank it tighter.

And he settled back, reached out to his pile of books to read, and snuggled up against the pillows.

With last night having been absolutely horrible, he now opted for an early night. A safe early night. He had to be careful not to pull at the belt, but everything was good, and he did in fact sleep like a log.

When he woke, however, he looked straight into the scruffy face of Zayne, who was crouching next to his bed and was staring intently at his face.

“Jesus!” Jay shot back in alarm. And as he realised his mistake, Zayne’s expression lit up with malice.

Oh fuck…

“Ohh, Jay…” The malice on his face matched the tone of his voice. “Mind telling me what this is?” He tugged at the belt. “Because apparently, you can speak. Without consequences.”

“You’re… You’re early,” Jay merely squeaked out, scooting back, drawing his covers up even though the damage had already been done.

“Six a.m. actually, just like yesterday. And like yesterday, I checked up on you, but unlike yesterday, something caught my eye.”

Jay was pretty sure the guy didn’t check up on him because of concern, but still, kindness wasn’t a factor he’d used in his calculations to predict Zayne’s behaviour… He’d fully counted on indifference and was sure he could remove the belt when he’d get dressed after waking up. In hindsight, not the most calculated risk.

He didn’t dare speak. Zayne’s hand fiddled with the belt and he was sure that once a single syllable left his mouth, Zayne would yank the belt away.

But instead, Zayne reached into his pocket and held the little remote in Jay’s face.

“Let’s turn this up to eleven.”

“No, no, no, this is the first transgression! Let’s just… turn it up one level?”

“But how will you learn?” Zayne drawled. “Oh wait…” He lit up and Jay really didn’t like that. “We can either have it on level, what’s it by now? Three… for a week. Or we can turn it up to max just for tonight. Your choice.”

His life choices hadn’t been exactly good these days… But no way was he going to draw this out for another week. Jay sighed. “Max, then. Just for tonight.” At least he’d had a good sleep now. He could do this.

Soft beeps sounded when Zayne kept pressing the button – keeping eye contact – and kept going even when the little black digit didn’t go further up than ten. Then he unlooped the belt from Jay’s neck, yoinked it away from under the prongs, and rolled it up, leaving it neatly on Jay’s folded trousers.

He noticed how Jay deflated in relief when he put the belt away. “Yeah, be glad I’m not giving you the belting of a lifetime while you’re wearing that.”

So glad that he just couldn’t voice his gratitude.

“Get some sleep for another hour or,” Zayne’s grin widened, “you know, maybe make a nice full breakfast to see if you can convince me to take it off for 15 minutes for you to take a shower.”

~Bonus~

Just as Jay was getting ready for bed and settled under his duvet, the front door opened and Zayne let himself in.

“Fuck, it’s cold! Scoot over.”

An icy cold indeed accompanied him as he slid under the covers. But Jay refused to shiver or voice complaints, seeing as the collar was fully active again.

“Oh, right,” Zayne grinned as he didn’t get a response. From under the blanket he reached for his jeans and bleeped the remote for a second to turn it off. “So how was your night, love?”

“Just awful,” Jay whispered, not trusting Zayne enough to turn it back on if he said too much. The max setting had hurt intensely and he was sure there’d be red marks under the collar.

“At least you had a nice warm flat to coop up in. I’ve been standing out in the cold all bloody night.”

“I guess your night didn’t involve arson, then.”

A tense silence rose up and Zayne, laying on his back, softly shook his head. Another bleep plinged and the red light at Jay’s throat turned on again.

“I feel these lessons in silence just aren’t it.”

Alt / Bad ending here

Tag list: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @burtlederp @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @hurtmebeautifully @rougenoirofthepurpleterror @susiequaz12 @whump-me-all-night-long @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @im-just-here-for-the-whump @restrainthenmaime @freefallingup13 @whatwasmyprevioususername @myfriendcallsmeasickwoman19 @firewheeesky @redstainedsocks @hold-back-on-the-comfort @whumpawink @break-so-beautifully @approach-me-and-ill-cry @painsandconfusion @afabulousmrtake @wormwriting @soopytime @whumpedydump @pickleking8 @itsmyworld98

#whump #whump writing #shock collar #sadistic whumper #snarky whumpee #my writing #home is where the hurt is #hiwthi drabbles #Jay: I took a calculated risk and boy am I bad at math #hiwthi

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