#i adore the women’s nt

[pinkyqil]

Aitana apparitions because she's simply the best

She deserves the whole world freaking love her

[destinyc1020]

Sunday Confessions:

..i want Zs man lmaoo😭 men who openly adore their gfs are SOOO attractive lmao im nt sure why i was going feral when he winked at Z at the end of Romeo/Juliet bt i was blushing for her lol one of the few young hollywood men, imo, who seem to genuienly love and support their partners openly.

I feel you Anon! 😭

Tom and Z really lucked out finding each other, because let me tell you, it is NOT easy to date in Hollywood, and most people don't find such genuine and loving relationships like they have that are based on FRIENDSHIP (and not JUST attraction) with others in this industry. It can be a bit superficial. So they definitely lucked out... Z is so LUCKY!!! 😭 They're BOTH lucky. But yea, as a woman myself, I feel you... She really found a gem of a man. 🥰 Especially one who doesn't mind his gf being super famous or even more famous than him! That's very rare imo. It's not impossible to find (when a man loves you, he loves YOU!), but it's just very rare for men to not be at least somewhat intimidated by women who are THAT super famous, THAT gorgeous, THAT successful, and THAT "perfect" lol. 😅

Even Z had to be the one to ask: "Are we doing this or WHAT??" LOL 😅

[thesunfyre4446]

Rhaenyra calling Alicent a whore, then spending the next 3 years shunning and being openly hostile towards Alicent= perfectly okay and justified.

Alicent giving Rhaenyra the same treatment (minus calling her a whore). Alicent acknowledging Rhaenyra’s bastards are in fact bastards while in the privacy of her and King’s private apartments and NOT publicly. Alicent not interacting with the Strong boys at all (until Driftmark) thus not treating them harshly. Alicent not thinking Rhaenyra shits rainbows= Abuse

Nevermind that even during and after the time jump it was a mutual dislike. It’s not like Rhaenyra was weeping at Alicent’s feet for forgiveness and favor the past 10 years. Both didn’t like and talked shit about each other. Both didn’t give a fuck about the other’s children nor wanted a relationship with them- Rhaenyra as a sister, Alicent as a (step)Grandmother. Both had a Knight (Criston and Harwin) willing to do unethical shit for them out of love/adoration.

BUT Criston calls Rhaenyra a cunt, Alicent reprimands.

Daemon calls Alicent whores and cunts, silence on the part of Rhaenyra.

I need people to stop acting like Rhaenyra was some kicked dog and Alicent was the literal wicked stepmother in every Disney movie.

THIS!!

saying that alicent abused rhaenyra is sooo ridicules. because on one hand, TB stans love to talk about how powerless and pathetic and unimportant alicent is, but on the other hand she's also powerful enough to abuse the heir to the throne, and poor rhaenyra is so powerless and weak against her evil stepmama. make it make sense.

alicent and rhaenyra are enemies. in ep 7 rhaenyra literally tries to get alicent accused of high treason & killed by making aemond admit that it was her that told him that the strongs are bastards (but he was too smart to take the bait ;) ) right after luke CUT HER SON'S EYE OUT! at this point the level of hypocrisy and double standards is hilarious.

daemon is allowed to call alicent a c*nt, but when criston does the same and apologizes right after? he hates women!!!!! (and the so called feminist queen didn't seem to care about her husband murdering his first wife ! surely that doesn't sit very well with the feminist agenda!)

[celeste444spacey]

it's very difficult manifesting love and peace between men and women when i see misogyny everywhere, i literally wanted to use a cute tag "women are beautiful" and then "men are beautiful" but the trendy tags i see is women are c*nts and men superior... maybe i should delete all social media...

I actually remember Abraham Hicks talking about a situation somewhat like this, she was addressing a gay lady who expressed her frustration as to how gay marriage wasn't legalized yet back then and how she wished she could create a change.

I actually totally understand this frustration cause i'm sick of all the hate lately too, like about all sorts of hate you know? I am kind of also working on this rn.

Let me put this out, the amplification of the hate we have seen lately is just mostly due to the visibility factor. It's as if all the haters are finding out a common video or post to gather and hate on. I know this sounds very obvious.

But honestly just stay in the state you are, just be there. Stay in a state of love, don't let this affect you. Just tell yourself in your mind that you only attract situations full of love, and full of respect and adoration. Be in a state that you don't see this hate anymore. And that this hate doesn't affect you and YOUR WORLD whatsoever.

Because honestly there's no reason to attach the result of a better world on someone else. This sort of hate isn't coming from YOU, it's just in the 3D, could be a result of old beliefs or whatever. Fuck it, it doesn't concern you and it shouldn't.

One of the reasons we feel vulnerable when see this hate is because we think it affects us, but that's where you work on yourself. You tell yourself that it doesn't affect you cause you are in an abundant state. Your gender, your sexuality, the color of skin does NOT affect you, or your opportunities or make you different than anyone else. Because you are HUMAN periodt! You are not your skin, your sexuality, your gender blah blah blah

YOU ARE YOU. YOU ARE YOUR POTENTIAL, YOU ARE HUMAN.

The sort of vulnerability people get from these differences is what fuels fear, and then, this fear is used to control them. People make it your weakness by telling you that just cause you are this sort of person you may be at a disadvantage.

BUT WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY TO DICTATE TO YOU WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU GET?????

Take back your power now.

You are your mind and that's all. Keep affirming your dream life, your dream world, your dream experiences. You change first, then the world follows, however long it takes. It's inevitable anyway.

Oh btw, gay marriage is legalized now in the US isn't it?

[tales-from-nocturnaliss]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2023 - catching up!

Figured it'd be a fun thing to do this year, since, y'know: this is the year that marked my official diagnosis as autistic. I'll answer several questions at once since I missed the previous days from not knowing this existed (social mishaps ftw!)

If you wanna participate, check out @birdofmay's blog or click through this link!

1 April: The typical introduction question! Tell us something about yourself.

I'm a 42-yo Belgian writer of Dark Fantasy who was diagnosed autistic this past January after a few years of absolute hell trying to figure out wtf was wrong with me. Turns out: likely intense autistic burnout!

On a more positive note though, I also likely have symptoms of ADHD - which is positive because it makes me able to function in the world on a more NT level I'd say, like doing things on a whim, enjoying change and exploring and, in a way, balancing the autism out. Mostly. The conflictual needs and wants have caused me a lot of mental and physical stress that I'm still trying to recover from.

On a fun note now: I have two cats I adore, a husband who's sometimes just as dysfunctional as I am (likely why he sniffed me out when we were still teens << but we only really met when I was 29; he remembered me from seeing me at school though!), currently unemployed because health, love to fangirl my characters (and anime dudes <<), somehow have a wide circle of friends of all nationalities and personalities because individuals are awesome and fascinating (I'm obsessed with psychology and emotions), and... Yeah. If you'd like to know anything else, do simply ask :D I love answering questions.

2 April: When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

So it's both, actually. Last year, a good friend of mine talked to me about how she thought she was autistic, and shared a lot of info on women-specific autism... and that's when I saw that everything I thought I knew about autism was but a tiny fraction of a very wide spectrum. I recognized myself in what I read. I was on a quest for self-understanding to finally know what ailed me. I needed to know (which, let it be said, seems to be an autistic trait unto its own <<)

That was August. In October, I decided I had to be tested. November through December, five tests. Result in January. Diagnosis confirmed. I was ELATED. Because, finally, my whole life made sense. I am still so immensely relieved and happy to know.

3 April: How good or bad is your memory for things people say? For example verbal instructions.

My memory's gotten worse over time, likely from years of over-stress. I tend to let a lot of things leave my memory - including things people say. Verbal instructions... Because I know I have a tendency to forget, I prefer them written so I can read them over if/when needed. It's why I do everything official via email, put in appointments in my phone's calendar immediately, etc.

Funnily enough, I still remember a few words from one autism test I did back in November. So there's some logic to what's retained and what not. Repetition of words seems to be key.

4 April: Were/are you in special education? Regular school? Home schooled? A private school? Did it change over time? Did/do you like it?

I was in regular school. I'm 42. When I was a teen, depression wasn't even recognized as a real disease. Autism? Never heard of that. I was just an anxiety-ridden, fragile, naturally heavily bullied young girl who suffered ten years of depression afterwards and intense social anxiety. ... Damn I hated school so much. XD (and myself for just not fitting in :3; )

5 April: Did/do you have accommodations at school/IEP? If not, do you think it would help/have helped you?

I imagine it would have, had we known I was autistic.

6 April: Can you understand what people say when they talk fast, or do you lose track after a while? Was it different when you were younger?

Good question, with 'younger' feeling so far away... I did notice my speech recignition declined these past years, like when watching movies. However, since trying ginkgo and ginseng supplements to alleviate ADHD symptoms, and how magically they also alleviated anxieties and stress overall, I notice my speech recognition improved again.

So, to answer: in general I understand people who talk really fast, best of all in french (my native language). However, I do lose track if people talk in monotones. I think my brain gets bored and nopes out of there.

7 April: Do you have other diagnoses? What are they? Do you think that some could be incorrect?

I don't. Which I think is a mistake in itself, because I relate too intensely and completely to AuDHD perceptions. I was told it might be my higher IQ (officially 119, but I couldn't do the language tests as my brain demanded: in all three languages I know. So it's a bit higher) causing conflicts with the autism. Like, I was told a normal person thinks in a fast, straight line; autistics think in zigzags to get to the same point. They said I take the zigzags like they are a fast, straight line. And I'm like: okay sure I feel your point, but what about my mind always feeling torn in different directions and my inability to focus and how sometimes I adore change and other times not etc etc?

I'm not diagnosed AuDHD, but live that way anyway. Because that's what feels right. And trying to treat a possible ADHD has helped me. So instinct >>> NT experts, tyvm.

---

Aaaand tomorrow I'll continue these day by day :D woot to catching up and focussing and getting something done!

[pensat-i-fet]

The u19s women’s NT (also known by me as Andrea’s team because I adore her) is in the semis and will play the next WC 🥳🥳

[hellcheer-munson]

Oh my god how dare you like a popular version of Romeo + Juliet and how dare you like an Oscar winning film about your special interest? So problematic of you (I’m being sarcastic, you do you, other anon is just a weirdo)

Oh my god I know, it’s so funny?!?

Like let’s be totally upfront here: do I like Leonardo DiCaprio as an actor? Yes. He’s a brilliant actor who makes good movies. Does that mean I’m okay with him dating 19 year olds? Nope, that’s very fucking weird and he needs to start dating women who are at the very least 30. (Apparently he isn’t dating the 19 year old model he was pictured with, they were just sitting together at a party, but my point still very much stands, he does have a very wrong habit of dating only under 25 year olds even now he’s in his 40s).

As for his movies, specifically the two the anon seemed so pressed about… I like Romeo + Juliet, and I have since I was 13 and I watched it in English class. I love William Shakespeare’s plays, and I love watching them be performed in any medium, especially R+J (side note: the NT Live version of Romeo and Juliet with Jessie Buckley that was filmed during COVID in an empty theatre is also amazing). Not only am I an English/writing nerd, I’m also a drama nerd - I fucking ADORE a bit of William Shakespeare. I love Baz Luhrmann’s movies as well, I think he’s an amazing director, I’ve seen nearly every single one of his movies and loved them (R+J, Moulin Rouge, Great Gatsby, Elvis etc). I love the soundtrack of the movie. I love the other actors in it like Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Harold Perrineau, Miriam Margolyes, Paul Rudd etc. That film is a fucking trip from start to finish and I love that I’ve seen people younger than me discover it because I genuinely think it can help younger generations understand Shakespeare a little more and ignite an interest in his works.

I first watched Titanic aged 7 or 8 so it was very much a film I saw a number of times from a young age. Last year I became interested in the real life Titanic sinking and everything related to it, which led to it becoming my new special interest - I even went to an exhibition in London on the day after the 110th anniversary of the sinking last year. I made a whole post over on @alwaysahiccupandastrid about how accurate James Cameron’s movie was, which is why I rewatched the film last year and fell in love with it - the romance is lovely, but I was genuinely more fascinated by the effort and attention to detail Cameron put into the movie, from the costumes and sets to the depiction of the sinking. No, it’s not 100% historically accurate, some liberties were taken, but the accuracies by far outweigh the inaccuracies. I adore Kate Winslet and think she is one of the most beautiful women on earth, and I look up to her for various reasons. I love the performances of the other cast, like Kathy Bates, Bernard Hill, Billy Zane, Bill Paxton, Gloria Stuart etc. I’ve spoken before on my love for it, and I was fortunate enough to see it in cinemas this past February due to there being 25th anniversary screenings. Whether you like it or not, it’s undeniably one of the best films made and I stand by my love for it.

Yes, I think Leo is great in the two films aforementioned, and I love Jack Dawson especially. But he’s not the only reason I watched either of them, or any film, and it’s highly disrespectful to belittle someone expressing a love for any film by claiming they’re only interested based on one actor, as if they can’t enjoy a film for multiple reasons. I enjoy a lot of Leo’s films and his performances, absolutely, because he’s so talented - but that doesn’t mean I agree with whatever the fuck he’s doing in his private life.

To add, I am very much a cinephile who enjoys a variety of movies: often times there’ll be a huge surge of posts about one movie then another surge of a different movie/show/whatever because I just go into the tag for it, mass-queue stuff, then come back and do the same thing for another movie/whatever. Some films are new, some films are from years - even decades - ago. Certain films being older doesn’t negate them being good!

Stay safe, lovely people!

[rubendiass]

This match just made me so angry as well because of how the women’s nt is treated but still give their all and they played a muchhh better game while the men get all the praise and support and money but play like how they just did. I hate it all

[rhymaes]

I’m like. Saying this as a lesbian—sometimes you just have to realize that not every piece of media is going to be made for you.

[coffeeshoptalkks]

the NTs as seen by a (dumbass) entp

because its been a while and i’ve found more people to psychoanalyze :)

pt. 1 (all 16)

ENTJ:

still haven’t met many more of you

probably cause i avoid you like the plague 

sorry not sorry

this is pOtentially my major advisor

if so, much love my guy, you’re also like 65 so aren’t having many of the problems a 20 year old ENTJ would be having

actually now that i’m typing this hes most likely an ENTJ

Te / Ni / Se / Fi

only thing that throws me off is the Se/Si cause I’ve seen him use the same thing over and over again

but he doesn’t strike me as an ESTJ/ISTJ

that man is walking NT 

actually, yeah, 100% an ENTJ

also potentially a 8w?

idk

the man doesn’t take bullshit and damn do i appreciate that

hes a hardass but fair and my entp 8w7 ass respects the living hell out of that

i will say however, that this is a mentorship / mentee relationship and that a lot of this dynamic works because of that inherent power dynamic and also my great amount of respect to him

outside of that and also that hes older so obviously more developed functions idk how well it would work between peers

but as a mentor? fantastic

INTJ

by now i have met 4 of you

3 of them are women

the statistics on that are fking insane

anyway

still love and adore you

still having a Fe/Fi problem when you start looping / are underdeveloped (its a IXTJ thing in general tbh)

one of the INTJs is about 10 years older than me, works in finance, (Ni makes it a fantastic fit, its patterns and intuition of the stock market i mean come oN)

shes incredibly interesting because i absolutely adore her, def more on the introvert introvert side, but also shes married to an ESFP?

fun story, a different INTJ i now live near had a tiny crush on an ESFP for a hOt second until he decided to be fucking stupid and go crashing into an Fi hell

granted hes super unhealthy and nobody likes him so take that as you will

its just what happens with unheathy Fi, no hate to ESFPs, they get enough as is

anyway

INTJ and ESFP

i don’t exactly understand the appeal of the relationship, the INTJ is the one holding it together (enneagram 9 like? stepping down and self-forgetting to keep the peace) but i’ve known both these people for so long and they wouldn’t have gotten married (or stay dating for upwards of 8 years) if they didn’t genuinely care about each other

i’ve seen two out of four of you in an Ni/Fi grip and its kinda yikes tbh

like, for one of you i just feel straight up bad for and the other one i want to hit over the head with some Fe (in my defense his sister was dying and he didn’t want to go see her cause like... it hurt too much?.. like, my guy.)

but the sisters better(ish) and hes back to normal so chilling

other INTJ is just straight up fking depressed rip my gal i love you

and then we have one normal one hanging around

tbh the largest problem here is the Fe/Fi difference especially when the INTJ doesn’t accommodate other people (and sometimes me)

my own growth of Si and Fe has def shifted that as i now have a chronic medical condition and im like. gUys just get up and get me some water it is not that difficult i am literally ill lol

more on that in the ISTJ section

ENTP

INTP turned ENTP lol

not actually

had an interesting mistype earlier with a friend

the friggin toxic empathy made me think inferior Fe but it turns out thats just *trauma* and his Fe is really damn high so its an interesting balance

I 

ADORE

YOU

ENTP 8w7 sp/sx and ENTP 2w3 sx/so

i know this isn’t enneagram but now it is lol

i don’t particularly worry about him cause i know he’ll be fine

i love him

hes fantastic

we kind of enable each other but not really

its a really nice dynamic, would highly recommend

INTP

i found oneeeee (twoooo cause i didn’t look at this for six months and am now continuing it cause im meeee)

so turns out the person i thought was an INTP was just an ENTP and don’t mind both of us being clowns, sometimes it happens

this intp was fking impossible to type

bounced around with INTP for a while, then somebody suggested ISFJ with an Ne grip that i entertained for like 2 minutes and then i had a good good good convo with her today and was like

okay

INTP

we got it

the problem with typing her was the developed Fe

the argument for ISFJ was (1 INTP/ENTP and ISFJ share the same function stack) and 2. a developed Fe

turns out that just what happens with good parenting lol

what i’m assuming is some kind of IXFJ mother?

i’m an ENTP with an ISFJ mom and thats about 85% of the reason my Fe is developed

and because Ne has got to connect everything and also our dynamics with out mothers have some similar characteristics i’m starting to put two and two together

might be a post on that later we’ll see

so

fucking

funny

does crazy shit (not actually, just shoving face into cake) when kind of stressed out or anything

the Si tertiary is a personality quirk rather than something really problematic

she just refuses to get venmo and we all give her shit for it but its not causing overt problems and there are just a few other hills that she will die on

thats the difference between tertiary Si and inferior Si, no matter how developed

second one :)

immediate click with him tbh 

easiest INTP to spot too

i really do think that part of it is the fact that hes a male and wasn’t really *hiding* his XNTX kinda quirky social awkwardness

idk, hes got the same tritype as me for enneagram so a really easy mirror spotting thing

we shouldn’t be left alone after 10pm cause we’ll start typeracing with an INFP instead of studying for bio

love you guys

[that-soccer-guru]

Tell us more about the Colombia NTs 👀 please

I have a wonderful thing about the colombia wnt.

Gay. So Gay. So Many Gays. And empowered as FUCK

Yoreli Rincon, gay af, plays in Internazionale Milan, seemingly banned from the NT for the foreseeable future, has a whole fiance who plays for the Venezuela NT. She hot hot (Yore is on the left and her fiancee, Jay is on the right)

Natalia Gaitan, believed to have hoes in area codes. Jk, my capi is an icon. SHE HAD LEUKEMIA AS A KID and went through a full recovery to kick ass in the Woso world. Currently on extended injury bc of an ACL tear but, she's fucking awesome BUT I MEAN LOOK AT HER!!!

Daniela Montoya, on top of being one of my favorite players active rn, also gay as fuck. Also a twin? what's with woso and twins. But her and her girlfriend are super cute, her girlfriend plays with her in Junior, she posts adorable things for Dani's birthday, they are eachother's biggest fans, it's AMAZING.

Leicy Santos, smol and mighty. I firmly believe she's gonna end up dating half the Atleti Squad, though I really root for her and Deyna (even if Deyna is also like, a baby, but still).

Catalina Usme, fucking CANNONS for legs, woman can and will rip nets off goals given the chance, absolutely amazing player, also big gay vibe but also gives off the vibe that she just supports the gays, who knows

Isabella Echeverri, went through a whole controversy about maybe having bought her place in the NT, great fucking player though. either a lipstick lesbian or the straightest straight, I really cannot tell.

Carolina Arias, HAS A WHOLE ASS TATTOO SLEEVE AND THE GAYEST SMILE IN THE WORLD BRO, SHES SO GAY, AND SO GOOD AT SOCCER, I LOVE HER

Lady Andrade, Y'all Americans have beef with her because she pissed you off by punching Abby Wambach, we wanted to throw her a party. She calls it like it is, if everyone had the same resources as the uswnt, the US would not be as dominant (not as bad as the men who are the laughing stock of the world but still), I'm pretty sure she's straight but her vibe with Carolina Arias is WONDERFUL

There are a lot of players in this team and they're all amazing. Nicole Regnier who recently came out of retirement, Melissa Ortiz, former player (actually signed for NY Flash for a bit) and current sports caster, Catalina Perez, goalkeeper extraordinaire who actually played for a university in Miami, Damiela Caracas, Manuela Vanegas, Orianica Velasquez, I can literally go on for ages.

And I stand by the Lady Andrade thing. If the federation gave the girls as much support as they do the guys, we'd be fucking ballers. All of South America is full of talent, amazing dedicated hardworking players who are fighting against insurmountable odds. They're literally RUNNING full throttle at a wall that refuses to crumble. These women have been fighting for years for every fucking inch, and I love them so much. They're fighting a hard fight and I'll support them in everything they do.

STAN SOUTH AMERICAN TEAMS. THERE'S SO MUCH TALENT THAT Y'ALL WOULD ENJOY SO MUCH! IT'S NOT JUST BRAZIL DOWN THERE, REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY BRAZILIANS MAKE IT HERE. SO MANY OF OUR PLAYERS ARE IN YOUR COLLEGE TEAMS AND IN EUROPE AND THEY DESERVE TO BE STANNED TOO!!!!

[sumire-bride]

Sumire and shuus route (demo) ecstasy prologue

((READ HASHTAGS PLZ!! It has the tw before you start the route!))

Scene is in living room

Sumire- ..pwah… (..it seems I have grown quite tired… in fact.. I have been more tired then usual… how strange…)

(..My body has been out of control as of late… oh goodness I don’t understand this at all… I ended up getting sick again this morning… I wonder what is wrong…)

*THUMB*

Sumire- ..ah… (..my chest stings…)

(..my chest has been burning or begins to sting every.. few hours or so… it is truly painful….)

*laito appears*

Laito- ne bitch-chan…~

Sumire- … (..maybe I should find a book about this… or..! Maybe I should do something to keep my mind off this… or drink some tea… hmm…)

Laito- bitch-chan.. can’t you hear me..? Ah.. her eyes are closed..

Sumire- … (..like shuu-sama said… this must be a tiny flu … nothing I have not had before… it will leave soon enough…)

Laito- nfu how cute, she closes her eyes when she’s lost in thought.. pretty dumb when your in a house of vampires though..

Hey

*snap snap*

Bitch-chan..!

Sumire- ..!!… ah..

Oh… hello laito-same… is there something I can do for you…?

Laito- you were ignoring me, a little rude don’t you think..? I just wanted to grab your attention,

I’d like to have a little chat with you.. bit-ch- cha-n~

Sumire- ..chat…? Of course… if having a chat makes laito-sama happy then I am willing to do so… please say what you need to…

Laito- fufu, always so eager to listen to others aren’t you..? Well..

There’s something different about you.. like your scent, it’s stronger now.. I felt like I should just ignore it but..

The scent kept coming back to me every time I’m near you.. mind telling me what that’s about hmm..?

Sumire- ..scent…? Do I have a scent…? I am not quite sure I understand….

Laito- yeah a scent is on you. Sure you had one before but now.. it’s stronger for some reason.

I got curious.. so I wanted to ask our bitch-chan about it.. seems you don’t understand it either

Sumire- ..I am sorry…. If there is a way I can understand and please you please tell me….

Laito- ufu, I’m beginning to think you have been doing some “things” with someone~ or..

One of my brothers, but who could it be hm.. so tell me bitch-chan, what type of things have you been doing..?

Sumire- ..things….? Well.. I have been sick and I’ve been around shuu-sama… I need to make sure he does not get hurt…

Laito- around shuu? Ahh so you went after the big brother, what have you two been doing together hmm..?

Sumire- ..mm… we just talk if I am honest…. Not always much….

Is there a reason you would like to know this…?

Laito- do I really need one..? Well if I’m being honest.. I smell I completely different smell on you.. your scent is there but..

I also smell another being on you, and not necessarily on you.. but it’s like there’s a scent inside you, ahh, you having me thinking about it so much and it’s simply enticing me to know more..

Sumire- …?.. inside me…? I am not quite sure I understand…

Laito- for the first little bit the scent of your blood changed but then.. after a little while it’s like a whole new beings scent has the one side of your body

I want to know.. have you been doing anything with shuu, like.. something we consider, naughty.. ufu, go on you can tell me, I won’t tell anyone

Sumire- ..naughty…? Uh.. (..pardon me but…) ah..! It is not like we have been doing anything of the sort…! Please do not make such assumptions….!

Laito- aha..! So my theory was correct..! It only seemed like the only option to go by since shuus the only one who stays here with bitch-chan..

You both were alone for so long, I wonder what type of things he did to your body..ahh.. the thought makes me want to know myself.. but

Sumire- ..er… (..that moment with shuu-sama and me is very secret.. it was not only a confusing but special moment for me… I did not want people to know about it…)

But.. what…?

Laito- I don’t think I can do that now.. I’m not even sure if I should suck your blood anymore.. mm.. how sad I won’t be able to,

Sumire- ..?… I am not quite sure what you mean… (..I don’t understand…)

Laito- you don’t know..? You haven’t figured it out..? Well I guess I of all people shouldn’t be surprised over how dense our little bitch-Chan can be..

Sumire- ..ah… do you maybe know why I am sick…? I would like to know… maybe I could find a way to cure myself besides resting…

Laito- fufu your adorable bitch-chan, you have no idea, I’ll tell you because your laito is so nice..

Your pre-gna-nt~

Sumire- ..huh….? (..pregnant…? I don’t.. huh…)

Laito- hahaha..! Look at that enticing face! You look so surprised it’s laughable.. so how do you feel about that hm..? The first bride to come in here and actually make a child with one of us..

Sumire- ..what… (..no… I can not be pregnant… I’ve read books about this thing called pregnancy…. There is just no way….)

..but… how is laito-Sama so sure…? You can not be sure from scent…. (..I can not sense any reason for him to lie to me… there’s no bad intent… could I truly be…)

Laito- vampires have a good nose, it’s how we can find prey so easily, and it’s also how we find cute women like you,

Sumire- … (..But.. I can not get pregnant…. If father found out… what… what would he think of me…? No… what would he do with me… or mother… or chousoka-nii…. Everything would go to hell if oroshii-nii found out….!)

Laito- oh don’t look so worried bitch-chan.. this is considered good for humans right..? Well I guess maybe for some

I’ve not once pictured me as a uncle, but the worlds full of surprises isn’t it,

Sumire- ..I can not let this happen… oh if anyone one of my family found out… ahh…

Laito- ufu, I’ll leave you to your own little thoughts about this okay,

*laito walks off*

Laito- bye bye bitch-chan.. I’ll keep this our little secret Kay..~!

Sumire- …uh… (..I couldn’t possibly be… no… no way… there is just no way….) … (..I am… I am not…)

???- (isn’t that what you wanted..?)

Sumire- ..what… I do not understand…. (..a voice…)

???- (a loving home.. a husband.. and a child.. you didn’t care who.. you just wanted that life you’ve seen in the book..)

Sumire- …please stop talking…. (..why is there a voice…)

???- (..don’t deny it.. you got what you wanted.. so why are you so upset..?)

Sumire- …stop… I don’t want to hear it…

(..that is what I wanted… right…?)

*flashback*

Flashback is in a big office

Young sumire- … (..wow…! This book has a happy ending…! Father gave me a new book… hm..)

*sumire flips the page*

Young sumire- … (..what is that…? “And soon this child.. in.. inside me will be full of love.. it will give us the love we need.. my de..dear…” ..?… child..? There are other children besides me…? I will continue to read it…)

*TIMESKIP*

Young sumire- …!.. (..this women had a baby…! Amazing…! I never knew a women could do that…! And her and the man got married…! What a happy ending…)

Fufu..

???- my child.. what are you laughing about..?

Sumire- ..hehe… the book gave me… this women had a baby…! And she got married….. I did not know there other children like me… well.. besides koukai-nii and the twins…

..how do you know make children father…?

???- *cough cough* dear that’s something you can learn later in life.. I won’t explain that to you

Sumire- ..i see… well.. the women is very happy… hehe… I want to have kids when I’m.. older…! And get married…!

..can I get married and have children father…? I promise I’ll still be with you…

???- married and children..? Why would you want such a thing..? You have me,

Im the only one you need my dear, no one else..

Sumire- ..I know but… I want to be as happy as she is in the book… she said that this child will bring happiness…

..I want to bring happiness to the world…. So maybe.. I can make you and I both happy if I have one… oh please father won’t you let me have thing called marriage and a child…?

???- er.. haah.. you are quite the little girl aren’t you.. well.. maybe when your of age I’ll find you a man of my liking, and then you can have as many children with that man as I see fit, how about that hm..?

Sumire- ..hahah…! If that makes you happy then I am happy with that decision…!

???- fufu.. settle down my love, that won’t happen any time soon you understand..? Your still a child you know

Sumire- ..okay…! (..father is the best…! I hope he picks a good man for me… I promise i will make the world happy…)

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Sumire- … (..Father… I am so sorry… I.. I didn’t mean to…)

Monologue

..sometimes.. I wish I never read that book..

Because of how I feel at this moment..

It makes me seem so ungrateful for what I’ve always wanted since I was a little girl..

In the story.. everything seemed so happy.. that child made the women happy.. the marriage made her happy..

..I wanted that life.. to be loved and have something to love..

But then again I’m beginning to learn that books are full of lies..

I love a demon.. I have another being inside that I’m unsure will come out truly loved..

my life is the opposite of the books..

I truly lived a full childhood and life of lies..

—to be continued—

maniac epilogue—ecstasy 1

[emjee]

The Glorious Queer Potential of Viola and Orsino in Twelfth Night

for Shakespeare Appreciation Week - Day Three - Lovers Day

This is a long-promised essay/ramble and I’m chucking it under Lover’s Day because it mostly concerns Viola and Orsino. I suppose an alternate title for it could be Orsino: He’s as Queer as the Rest of Them.

Before we begin, brief caveat: queerness exists in many forms and means many things to many people. This is my reading as one (1) singular queer person. Also, as you will have noticed if you read this far, I’m using the word queer. Not only is it an academically accepted term and one of my personal identifiers, it is in many cases the best descriptor for people and relationships in a play written in a time where gender and sexuality were constructed differently than they are today. Am I going to use the word “bisexual” when I talk about Orsino? Probably. But overall, the play’s just queer, in terms of gender, sexual attraction, and social relationships.

Let’s start with Viola (another heads up, I’m going to refer to her mostly as Viola because that’s how she seems to think about herself, and I’m going to use she/her pronouns). I believe @shredsandpatches recently made an argument that Viola can be read as a trans woman, which is an argument I love—she’s clearly uncomfortable with her masculine disguise (“Disguise, I see, thou art a wickedness, / Wherein the pregnant enemy does much. / How easy is it for the proper-false / In women's waxen hearts to set their forms!”) but she also passes as a man marvelously well. Like, people make a few comments about her higher voice, but nobody actually seems to suspect that she’s a woman until she’s finally in the same place as Sebastian and everyone goes “twins?!” Viola being a trans woman would also make the whole “she and Sebastian are literally identical” thing much more plausible, although one should never let “biological technicalities” get in the way of a good twin plot. I think there are also arguments to be made for playing Viola as a gender nonconforming cis woman who thinks, “It’ll be safer if I just pass as a man”, or with some other relationship to genderqueerness. (And by the way, when I say “arguments to be made”, sometimes that can mean the argument is “I, a queer person, feel like playing Viola this way.” Sometimes you just gotta do it for the queer joy, you know?)

So, Orsino. The two most memorable Orsinos I’ve seen have been Nicholas Bishop in the 2017 RSC production and Oliver Chris in the 2017 National Theatre production (truly we were blessed with Twelfth Nights in 2017). The RSC production chose to look at Orsino and immediately go, “This is not a Straight Man” which was valid of them—from the get-go, you understand why Orsino might go for a person who’s got some excellent gender-fuckery going on. In the NT production, Orsino is much more of a jock and, to my interpretation, definitely Thinks He’s Straight, which is fun because you get to see his heterosexuality crumble before his very eyes. (The moment where Viola reveals herself as a woman and Orsino lets out a long “oh thank God” breath can read a little too close to “no homo” for my liking, but Oliver Chris is good at making even asshole characters weirdly endearing, so I will let it pass.)

With both of these productions, you also have to consider the era they’re set in: the RSC is in the Victorian era, the NT in the 1970s (I think. I’m pretty sure it’s the 70s. Could be the 60s?) In the RSC, one could infer that Orsino’s commitment to getting Olivia to love him stems from the homophobia of the society he’s living in. Would he love to be able to just get with men? Sure. But the odds of him getting away with that for his entire life are low. The show’s design really makes this production Shakespeare-by-way-of-Wilde: the sets, the costumes (especially Antonio, who’s literally wearing a green carnation in his lapel). By evoking Wilde and his persecution, the production reminds the viewer that plenty of the people in this play—Antonio, Olivia, Viola, Orsino—can’t show the outside world their true queer selves, however much they might want to be.

Now, the NT production’s version of Orsino reads to me very much like someone going through a bisexual awakening. Source: I have undergone a bisexual awakening and I took one look at Orsino in this production and went *John Mulaney voice* “Oh, okay.” To me, Oliver Chris’s Orsino is going through the motions of compulsive heterosexuality. By all accounts, he should be in love with Olivia. It makes sense to him. He knows all the motions to go through. He’s talked himself into loving her because that’s what you do when you feel you need to be visibly in love with a woman and she’s the most suitable person around.

But once Orsino meets Viola, he seems to immediately adore her, in his own bro way, for herself. This isn’t what he’s used to attraction being like, he doesn’t immediately recognize it because Cesario is a guy, sometimes guys are just friends with other guys and do a lot of homoerotic boxing practice (still not over it) and it’s just dudes being bros and chilling on a table at your fortieth birthday part five feet apart because you’re not gay (spoiler: you’re actually really gay, and by gay I mean pick your favorite flavor of polysexual queerness).

Orsino continues to refer to Viola as Cesario up until the end of the play, mostly because Viola is still wearing men’s clothes. In early modern England, clothes were a huge part of gender expression. Cross-dressing was against the law (I’m 99% sure, someone please correct me on this if I’m wrong; it’s been several years since I discussed queer early modern stuff in a formal setting). Orsino referring to Viola as Cesario even when he knows she’s a woman is one of those things that has a reasonable historic explanation, but can also be read nowadays as: he likes it. Orsino’s into genderqueerness, and good on him. Genderqueerness is attractive as hell.

I know we sometimes lament the end of Twelfth Night along the lines of “But Will! Tell us what the original super-gay ending was!!” I totally understand why people want to see Olivia and Viola wind up together (Olivia—another raging queer who I didn’t even get to in this ramble—does seem to be truly in love with Viola and it’s hard to leave her disappointed at the end of the play), and I think we’re all heartbroken for Antonio (he just loves Sebastian so MUCH). However, I want to point out that men and women can still have queer romantic relationships with each other.  A love story between Viola as a straight trans woman and Orsino as a bisexual cis man is still a queer love story.

Happy Lovers Day, my loves! Have a fabulously queer day.

[prettylittlebrownskingyal]

Anime recs (some of my personal faves, not the public opinion, obviously):

About sports:

-Haikyuu (I am caught all the way up to season 4 and I have never been more passionate about volleyball in my life, not even when I played it)

-Run the Wind (it's about running but also...friendship? and motivation to follow your dreams?? I mostly just recall relating to some of the lazier characters and sensing the brotherhood vibes. It feels slow at first, but if you get invested you realize that you've binged the whole thing.)

-Free! & Free! Eternal Summer (you wanna get emotional attached to a bunch of teenage swimmers? I don't know why all these sports animes are about guy groups, but here's one about some divas -I mean swimmers. Quite the lil quaint group of nuggets, I gotta tell ya.)

About magic/supernatural

-Sailor Moon (need I say more? She's our queen and we are never too old to watch her steadily turn from crybaby to warrior of the people. If you know, you know. FIGHTING EVEIL BY MOONLIGHT-!!)

-Avatar: the Last Airbender (technically counts as an anime. Holds my entire childhood, every personality trait I have...for sure came from characters in this show. Iconic. Never loses its charms. Lots of magical realism that is centered on the natural elements of the planet, some spiritualism too. Appa is reason enough to watch this show.)

-Legend of Korra (technically a sequel storyline to Avatar: the Last Airbender, but...it's SO DIFFE R E NT. I was at first put off by my lack of OG characters, but there are so many references embedded in there, and you get to meet everybody's kids and grandkids. Also Korra? The embodiment of female pride and power, nothing will forsake her for long. Kinda STRESSFUL how many obstacles the writers create in a single season...let alone 4.)

-Inuyasha (on oldie but a goodie. Technically the first anime I ever saw...*sigh* ah youth...Anyway, it'sset in feudal Japan, but there's time travel so you won't feel too out of place. There are of course demons and magical priestesses and demon hunters and cranky, frankly exhausted, old women. Has a quality plot line and great characters. There is a new sequel show airing about the future of the characters and their bloodlines, I've only seen an episode or two but the nostalgia alone made me want to weep.)

-Fairy Tail (a CLASSIC. It has magic and dragons and FAERIES and found family and is so loveably chaotic, also: hype af fight scenes)

-Soul Eater (another chaotic group of teens that fight impossible battles, the intro music always hits hard for nO rEASON, a little more blood and angst but not like not enough to cancel out the immense joy/annoyance that is Excalibur)

-Noragami (a new take on the concept of how gods are created, sad boi hours have started, wholesome main characters, the graphics are beautiful, some of the monsters can be a tad creepy - but I'm a wimp so it could just be me)

-Bungou Stray Dogs (I HAVE ADOPTED ATSUSHI. HE IS MY SON NOW, THANK YOU FOR COMING. The art style is one I enjoy, very crisp lines and a good variation in character designs. The protagonist is named Atsushi and he is a golden child who must be protected yet allowed to flourish at all times. There is detective work, some great fights, lots of random character flaws, OH and honey the story line is TWISTY!!)

-My Hero Academia/Boko no Hero Academia (this is the show where my broccoli son goes THROUGH IT literally the WHOLE TIME. A great story of the underdog, and the variety of characters and powers are...*chef's kiss*, makes me want to lowkey live in this universe but the amount of villians... gurl it'stoo much for my weak heart smh)

- Cannon Busters (okay, so I know people have mixed opinions on this one. Lemme say this: the intro and outro SLAP, point blank periodtt. The characters are diverse in color and abilities, it's like wild west meets technofuture meets medieval magic war times. The plotline is very all over the place, but hey it's the journey right. If you don't love SAM and Casey by the end of episode 1 you're doing it wrong.)

-BNA: Brand New Animal (the art style is so freaking cool yet cute we luv to see it. The world building is pretty good, basically it'slike Zootopia, but there are way more issues with this island o animals that have a human form half the time. Our main character is determined and just a tad naive, there is a wolf man with a pet crow and we're all okay with that)

-Sirius the Jaegar (straight up, I have no idea how my sister and I binged the whole show in like 2 days, but we did. Great fight scenes, the is blood but... that's because there are vampire-esque creatures also. The main character's childhood got done dirty, but go off on your origin story I guess.)

About slice of life:

- My Little Monster/Tonari no Kaibustu-kun (a wholesome high school romance with oddballs left and right, but you just wanna root for 'em y'know? A good wind down show. There's a chicken in it.)

- (Kaichou wa) Maid-Sama (an unconventional and lowkey erratic main heroine, the love interest seems weird but you'll adore him by the end, just simple high school shenanigans with ridiculously dramatic conflicts)

Phew, that was kinda long 😓 but those are just some animes that I have watched thoroughly off the top off my head to give you a good variety of options. Let me know if you already have seem any of these. Hope this helps you fight off boredom and repetition. Please tell me your faves, I love hearing about new shows!! 🤩 (And btw, my sleep patterns wrecked, I've been going to sleep at like 3AM 😅 Hahaha, send help.)

love love LOVE THIS!! Thank you for sharing babe ❤️❤️❤️ i actually haven’t watched that much anime so i’m glad to get a rundown on some good recs!

also!! i feel u!! team no sleep ftw

[thistangledbrain]

Ok y’all, I’m sorry I’m having to catch up! We got a new foster in a few days ago - a particularly broken soul - and my mind has been *entirely* on him. But he’s settling in a little now, so here’s the last 3 days in one post ☺️

Autism Acceptance Month

Day 10!

“Sensory Life”

This is sort of hard to describe, but I’ll try! This is different from the next entry about stims, though both are sensory related.

It’s like being on microdosed ‘shrooms *all the time*. If you don’t know what that’s like, I’ll try to describe (this is collaborated with a friend who regularly does this - I don’t...it would probably be far too overwhelming).

Colors are far sharper to me & I emotionally react to them far more than most people. That results in some colors being genuinely offensive - not just “I don’t like that color”, but it will make me intensely angry or physically sick. This makes me curious about chromotherapy, but I haven’t really looked into it that much. My tolerance of certain colors can ebb and flow depending on my emotional state/mindset. (This crap is so sharp, I’m actually getting a twinge of irritation just *thinking* about my most hated colors LOL 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Textures/skin sensations are another big one. (By now you may be asking, how TF did this chick manage Marine Corps training/exercises?!) I guess if you want something bad enough, you can shut down some of the overwhelming aspects of the sensory thing...this ability to disassociate probably isn’t what NT’s would call “healthy”, but it’s quite handy if you’re autistic, and those of us who have been through real trauma seem to be especially skilled with our ability to just shut off all circuits and “embrace the suck”). Like...I’ll nearly panic to get out of a store or something if my underwear starts feeling uncomfortable, but I’ve literally been soaked head to toe, covered in mud and sand in my *everywhere* (and I HATE SAND anywhere but on my feet) AND I pissed myself, because nobody’s gonna stop shooting/training just because you have to go potty 🙄), and I remember literally giving zero fucks about it...so it really is entirely a mindset thing. But let’s talk about when I’m NOT in “Marine mode” (cuz let’s face it, it’s been close to two decades since I got out, and I no longer HAVE to tolerate overwhelming sensations).

Sensory input is just basically dialed to 11 & the knob’s been snapped off. Bright lights, loud discordant noises, too much touching/not touching the right way, things like that. I am particularly sensitive about body hair (my own). I *strongly* prefer to have my head shaved on the back and sides (but I leave the top long). The only time I haven’t done this, was in the Marines (it was considered “eccentric” and not allowed, so they made me grow it out). Even though I leave the main part long, it’s *always* in a bun or ponytail - well, unless I’m super dressed up for something, but even then I prefer some sort of updo. Despite the fact that I like my long hair (well on the top anyway), I can’t *stand* the way it feels on my neck or especially my face - I HATE IT when my hair touches my face. If I wasn’t married...there’s a decent chance I’d just shave it all off and be done with it LOL 😆 My ponytail pulled through the back of a baseball hat is I guess what they’d call my “signature look”.

And you think NT’s have bad misophonia? *I’ve jumped out of a moving vehicle before* to get away from the noise of someone chewing loudly/smacking their lips in the back seat (he was a coworker and punching him in the mouth - which is what I DESPERATELY wanted to do - would have gotten me fired 😕)...but humans eating, or dogs licking their junk, makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. It’s mostly humans though....you have *no idea* the level of self discipline it takes to keep me from either rage crying or actually getting violent around someone smacking their mouth during a meal. I *cannot* be around my husband when he’s eating breakfast cereal even though he’s a very mannered eater - I don’t know why, but it’s *so loud* (and I’m terribly hard of hearing) - it sounds like he’s chewing rocks. It took us years to work this problem out LOL - he thought it was dumb that I had such a deeply emotional reaction. Then he tried to “chew quietly”, which all that did was slow down the rock tumbler inside his mouth 😂...gradually, for everyone’s sanity, we realized that cereal eating should not be done in close proximity to each other lololol....and now, when it’s time for family meals around the table, I’ve learned to either keep the range hood fan going (white noise is definitely my friend), or have the TV on. If it’s just mainly the sound of everyone chewing, I simply won’t eat at the table. I lose my appetite. (And all of my dinner guests/family are very polite diners. It’s MY hangup.) Phone calls are another big one. I could probably come up with several reasons why I hate it...I LOATHE it. This is one sensory hangup some people in my family just refuse to accept. I don’t think they realize I equate unexpected or immediately demanded phone calls to running naked though a mall or getting a root canal. Hissssssssss!! Give me some time to prepare myself for this shit please - you’re actually asking a *lot* from me. (And when I do have a call? Ugh I babble and am so awkward, because I’m so effing uncomfortable, which I also hate.)

But here’s an area where my “sensory overload” serves me very well:

Dogs.

I am usually *intensely* dialed into the energy and body language of an animal, but particularly dogs. I’m *so* sensitive to them, that I often actually can feel things even happening behind my back - can basically sense the energy in the area shift. (Roughly 75% of the time. I’m spacey sometimes too LOL.) The work I do with “behaviorally challenged” dogs is the biggest area where I am *grateful* for my autistic mind. I don’t think I could really do the things I do without it, successfully. (I can do this to a large degree with people as well, as can my youngest son. You cannot lie to that boy about your feelings or mood.)

We all have different levels of sensory sensitivity and different triggers, but every autistic I know has several “sensory hangups”. It often is one of our biggest hurdles to deal with, when it comes to “normal functioning”. So, many of us constantly have headphones (or muffs) on, some of us wear sunglasses *all the time*, etc (I wear a baseball hat - and I genuinely don’t like going anywhere where I have to get dressed up and can’t wear my hat. Been like that since my early teens. That hat shields me from all sorts of real and imagined sensory triggers.) You do what you can to mitigate, you know? But my “microdosing shrooms” and “knob dialed to 11 and snapped off” is really the best way I can summarize. (And that’s not all bad - my trips into a new natural space, like the redwoods, is an absolute *thrill*. I also occasionally love sensory overload - many auties do - like rollercoasters. My youngest son and I can ride till we pass out LOL!) So sensory life is love/hate, really....but I don’t think I’d change much about it.

Except the fucking misophonia. I hate that I go into almost a murderous rage over someone just chewing food loudly 🤦🏻‍♀️ - but seriously. It’s impolite anyway. Don’t do it. 😆

———————————————————

Day 11!

Stims

This is one of the biggest areas where neurotypicals struggle to understand us.

We all have stims. Stims are basically any stimulus that brings us joy or comfort. It could be rocking, flapping, walking in tight little circles, clicking your fingernails together, spinning, making weird sounds or whistling, etc. And it’s usually repetitive - that’s the part that gets on people’s nerves.

I’ve found that most *women* hide most of our stims. We only let go and stim our little hearts out when we’re alone. I do that, because some of my stims grate on my husband. Sometimes I don’t WANT to feel “watched” anyway...I’ve noticed males don’t have quite the same issue with that.

I have quiet stims I do to soothe myself, and happy stims. One of my quieter stims when I’m trying to soothe myself (like in public) is clicking my teeth, particularly my right canines. I also have this silicone bite stick I wear around my neck sometimes, that I chew on (my sons like the bite sticks as well). I carry a little bag of fidget toys in my purse, to soothe myself with when I’m stressed. There’s a thing sort of like a fidget cube, a little cowrie shell and twine bracelet that I fiddle with almost like a rosary, a small stuffed axolotyl (her name is Blossom), and a few other toys. My little stash also comes in damn handy when I encounter a bored child LOL!

One of my sons makes funny little sound effects randomly (and he’s grown & still does it). The other used to randomly shriek when he was younger - then he learned how to whistle, so he couldn’t say a whole sentence without punctuating it with little whistles (we actually thought it was adorable).

My favorite stim is putting my headphones on, putting on some favorite music, sitting with my legs crossed, closing my eyes, and rocking. I’m happy to TELL you about this stim, but it’s one I do alone, because I like to get completely lost in it and I can’t do that if I feel I’m being watched...and you’ll damn near give me a heart attack if you touch me while I’m lost in that world. (And boy does it irritate me to get yanked out of that before I’m ready, for some bullshit non emergency reason.) Better to just isolate myself (except my dogs are always with me). Another one I do alone - and I have no idea why i like it so much - is squeaking my bite stick across my teeth. (This one is weird to me because I usually HATE my teeth being touched...yes dentists are a problem.) This one I enjoy doing kind of mindlessly while I read, but damn would it irritate anyone in listening distance LOL...I mean, it would irritate the shit out of ME if someone else was doing it, because *other people’s* repetition, especially if it makes noise, gets on my damned nerves. 🙄 Figures lmao!

Stims can be damaging sometimes, though. Like I used to twist and twirl my hair when I was younger so much that the areas I usually grabbed were frayed and broken (I also chewed my hair sometimes). One stim I cannot break myself of even though sometimes it’ll make me bleed, is chewing the insides of my cheeks or my lips. That’s my most frequent (several times a day) one, and the one that is both gratifying *and* soothing. It’s also the one that’s hardest to suppress.

Some auties are either unaware or literally don’t care how you feel about their stims, but I am and do. I’d like to think I’m pretty “appropriate” *most* of the time with my stims and other people around, except the lip/cheek chewing. If my husband notices I’ve gotten pretty furious about it (even using my hand to push my cheek into optimal biting position), he’ll gently put his hands on mine to bring me back to awareness - if I’m gnawing away, I’m either super stressed or way lost in thought. Either way, I can accidentally hurt myself, so he gently guides me away/distracts me.

Stimming is an important part of Autie life and should not be discouraged unless it hurts Your Pet Autie ™️.

And if you’re looking for a neat gift for an Autie? They actually make stim toy packs. Get them one, they’re fun. ☺️ (Most stim toys are designed to withstand being put in mouths and bitten/chewed, too - LOTS of us have oral fixations.) And hey, even if you’re a NT, try stimming sometime (lots of normal people have stims, they just don’t realize that’s what they are - like nail biting. Bite your nails a lot? Get a bite stick!! God they’re so satisfying!)....

Happy stimming!

———————————————-

Day 12!

“Favorite Autism Charity”

This one is short and easy: ASAN. Autism Self Advocacy Network.

“The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is a nonprofit organization run by and for individuals with autism. According to its mission statement, the Network’s goal is ‘to empower autistic people across the world to take control of our own lives and the future of our common community, and seek to organize the autistic community to ensure our voices are heard in the national conversation about us.’”

————————————————-

Day 13!

“Family”

Well that’s kinda ambiguous, isn’t it? 😒

I’ll start with this tack:

Being an autistic mom with autistic kids.

I mean for years, none of us KNEW LOL - and maybe that’s what took me so long to get around to pursuing a formal diagnosis for my youngest. To me, for the longest time, he was just sensitive and different like me (same with my oldest, for the most part, but I’m pretty sure that was me buying into the “brilliant people are just fucking weird ok” mindset also), yannow? So it was like, “well mama always told me I’d have one like me & then know what I put her through” 🙄 My oldest got lumped into the “all bright kids are quirky” category - but as I learned about ASD through my youngest and myself, it became damn obvious the oldest was also in our camp. (He’s taken the prelim test now anyway, but is not formally diagnosed.) I genuinely believe that our “shared weirdness” binds us very tightly to each other - and I’m super pleased about that.

It brought a whole new level of understanding and awareness within our little family when we realized it was ASD I guess - and acceptance. (I 100% believe that diagnosis - or even affirmation - is critical to our self acceptance and understanding.) I wouldn’t trade my little family for anything, and consider myself remarkably blessed. I can talk about how complex and brilliant my boys are ALL day (and often do LOL). Hubby is neurodivergent, and can identify with (or at least sympathize with) MANY of our hangups....but he’s “normal” enough that he’s been able to guide us (mostly me) with things like how to use tact (not often a skill we naturally possess lmao). My heart breaks when I read posts by auties whose families either don’t understand or don’t accept them & are constantly trying to basically mute who they are. Auties “live out loud”, and some people find that off putting. I know growing up, I was constantly getting my ass chewed for being “dramatic” or too sensitive, too, so I shut down and hid my sensitivity far, far away. I’m only *lately* (last few years) discarding that silly tough girl mask. (I can still be quite the little wolverine at times, but I’m not afraid to show my soft sensitive actual self anymore...to stay soft in today’s fucked up world takes actual courage - a lot of it - and strength. I was looking at the concept of being “strong” entirely the wrong way.)

I swear my husband has lived with nearly as many phases and facets, as years we’ve been together. Sometimes I ask him if this ever bothers him. He says no, because who I am at my core never changes...and he grins and says “and you damn sure aren’t boring” 😂

But since I’ve known I’m autistic, I’ve given myself more freedom to discover who I am without these socially dictated parameters. And permission to be precisely who I am, without cringing apologies when the real me shines through awkwardly.

And my husband and boys have been there every step of the way, embracing me, as we do with them. ♥️

Yeah. I love my family. We’re some pretty cool people. 😁