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cljordan-imperium · 2 years

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You have entered the domain of the all powerful AUTHOR GODDESS...AKA...Your Eccentric Southern Gothic Creole Auntie who is full of sass and isn't afraid to tell it to you straight. *blows kiss*

She/Her

48 - Female - Mother of 1 Human Kidlet & 2 Feline Goddesses - Work Full Time - Published Short Stories

I am a female writer on the Gulf Coast of the United States, currently residing in the state of Mississippi near the amazing city of New Orleans. I have lived in both Louisiana and Mississippi and the culture of the bayou areas runs through my blood. I have one adult son, who is the light of my life, and a cat who thinks she is the goddess of it. The stories that are currently being published to Tumbler are the continuation of roleplays and solo writing that I have been writing for over 20 years; and that I decided to continue sharing with everyone. Some characters have intricate and elaborate backstories which I will unfold for you. Some are new and you will learn about as they reveal themselves to me. I hope you all enjoy.

Some call me a free spirit, I call me...me. It took me years to become comfortable in who I am, so I judge no one else. We all have our own journeys. I am here to support everyone else on theirs, so maybe they won't have to take as long to be able to love themselves. I prefer not to talk much about my disabilities because I don't want them to define me, but am also open about them when asked or to help others come to terms with their own.

I love purple and sparkles, and I'll probably die petting something I shouldn't. Being as I live on the Gulf Coast, I might also be eaten by it, and that is fine. Life is a circle and we're all part of it.

Feel free to visit my inbox and ask box. I promise I do not bite unless asked.

GENERAL TRIGGER WARNINGS - I am going to post this here and also on appropriate stories where they happen - Also, not all of my characters are meant to be liked or sympathetic. Feel free to literally hate them and let your opinions change if the characters do, some of them WILL evolve over time.

All of my stories are FICTION and NOT REAL.

There are themes of: fantasy, evil, demons, angels, religion, blood, viscera, evisceration, gore, swearing, slavery, manipulation, ptsd, emotional manipulation, dv, sa, abuse, death, hell, torture, violence, war, fighting, anger, injury, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, guns, police, witchcraft, .

~may be updated later if I think of more that fit~

Please know that I have 14 Active WIPS here (not including the individual stories in The Imperium Chronicles)

MASTER LIST - Updated 7/23

The Imperium Chronicles

NOT STORYLINE

Flash Fiction Friday 3.3.23

3/10/23 - Flash Fiction Friday - Celestial Bodies

April Fool's In Imperium

Meeting Jasper

Moodboards of Characters

Back To The 20's

HISTORICAL

GET TO KNOW MY OC

THE PALACE

CASPERIUS & MARTENIQUE

DARTAN & AMAYA

GRAE & ADALICIA

ASHER & KAYLIN

MARCELLUS & SORINA

DEZ, PHAEDRA, & THINIUS

UFFERN

LEANDRE & YAEL

CASSANDRA & LUCIFER

KARLEN

ADRIEL & ANNABELLA

DELILAH & TALON

PUSTOTA

JASPER & MEREDITH - CRESCENT CITY

FUN STUFF

Character Theme Song

OC Name Meaning/Reason Tag

Writing Questions Tag

Characters as Comfort Foods

Fav Character(s) to Write

Magical Objects in Imperium

WIP Drinking Game

Foretelling/Prophecy in My Writing

Government in My Stories

Types of Side Characters

THE ANDROMEDA EFFECT

@the-andromeda-effect - In Greek Mythology Andromeda was sacrificed by her parents to save their kingdom from Poseidon's wrath after her mother offended him, but Perseus saves her from death by a Krackon and takes her to his kingdom to be his Queen. Mircea (Meer-cha) Kalavati wasn't sacrificing his wife to appease a god, or bring peace to his clan, he was doing it to start a war with another. His mistake when he hired Caliban Andros was lying to him about why he wanted her rescued, then killed to look like those who had kidnapped her had done it. Never lie to your hitman. Now, like Perseus to Andromeda, Caliban has rescued Riona Kalavati and something is drawing him to the woman. He will kill to keep her safe, and her husband is going to regret that lie for what remaining life he has left. Now as Adira Andros, she is definitely Caliban's Queen, and his "army" has rallied around her.

BATTLEGROUND OF DREAMS

@battlegroundofdreams - Morpheus & Melinoe are Dream Assassins, sent into the minds of sleeping human dreamers to take out Nightmares who can kill the dreamers. They have been trained and are the best at what they do. Put together as unwilling partners, they must learn to work together to keep one another alive. As they try to navigate a tentative partnership, they also take on the responsibility of becoming mentors to Lorien and Rua, a pair of recently graduated Dream Assassins who were almost killed by one of the most powerful Nightmares that any of them have ever faced. If the pairs cannot learn to work together, it could lead to disaster for them all. They will all learn more about themselves, and each other. Once lone wolves, they will become a pack, and one that Nightmares will come to fear. However, a Dream Assassin turned Nightmare from Morpheus' past will come and threaten them all, and test his will and loyalty. His decisions will either save Melinoe's life, or damn all four of them.

BAYOU WITCHES

@bayouwitches (Heaven & Arthur Shelby belong to @call-sign-shark)

BEHIND THESE MASKS

@behindthesemasks - Melania LaVeau is a professor at LSU in Baton Rouge. She is also the grandaughter of Ambrose Meyers, one of the most powerful men in the country and the daughter of Marie LaVeau...yes THAT Marie LaVeau! Old money, going back to when the Gautier family came over from France to settle in New Orelans, there isn't much that goes on in Louisiana or Mississippi that they don't have their hands in. Meyers Worldwide, a tech conglomerate is a cover for underworld activities that will eventually come to light. What happens when someone decides to cross the most powerful, and immortal, Queen of Voodo and threaten one of her children? Will New Orleans be left standing? If you are a fan of Indiana Jones, Tomb Raider, or The LIbrarians, the story is in the same veign. All of the characters are human, but there are supernatural occurrences around them

BENDING THE LAW

@bendingthelaws - Colin Masterson is the Cook Count State's Attorney. He has been on a mission to take down the head of a Chicago crime conglomerate that is headed by Constantin Rakeovich. Now someone has kidnapped his intern and is sending her back to him in tiny pieces. Is it Constantin? Is it another one of the people that Colin has crossed? Now he and those he trusts are going to have to figure it out before someone else disappears or is hurt. Complicating matters is that his brother, Colton Masterson is Constantin's defense attorney. The brothers have never been close, but in this situation, things take a much darker turn. Will Colton stand by his brother or his client? And what happens when something bigger happens and puts everyone Colin cares about in the crosshairs? If you are a fan of Law & Order, or any of those types of shows, this is much in the same vein and will involve more than just the lawyers. All characters are human. There is no supernatural beings or magic. Some places are going to be fictional, but the main setting is the city of Chicago.

DEVIL IN THE DETAILS

@devil-in-the-details-ay - When Lucifer's daughter Yara gets bored and wants to intern for the Lord of Death, Astaroth, her father agrees. After their first meeting, the Devil changes the plans once more. Deciding to make Yara someone else's problem, she is now to be Astaroth's wife. Navigating this challenge, and those who will come against them both will reveal a lot about each other, and themselves. Is the Princess really as spoiled and entitled as she seems? Is Astaroth really the iceberg incarnate that he seems? Is she even who she believes herself to be? And what happens when someone decides to try to interfere in their relationship?

MAGICAL MISTAKES

INOPINATUS

@inopinatus-ea

Princess Adelia has been contracted to marry Prince Emery, but a revelation at her arrival at King Branoc’s Palace has the possibility of throwing this arrangement in jeopardy. Things in the Palace of Annisgwyl are not as they seem. Betrayal and deception are around every corner. Knight Drach, Princess Adelia's sworn protector must ensure that no harm befalls her, but it seems he may have some secrets of his own. Some Kings will fall, one will rise, but who & will he be alone?

@magical-mistakes-vm - Vollrath, the Master Warlock of the local Coven, encounters Mahala (Mah-HAY-lah) preparing to do a ritual on his land. Her mistakes in not being careful in preparations allowed him to find her, but it also set up events in the future that they will need the help of his best friends Baldur and Elmar to deal with. A witch that has no clue what she is and a Master Warlock who is not used to letting people close have to navigate revelations that will change both their lives, and possibly even the Coven. When his brother, Balor, an equally powerful warlock within the Coven who he has been at odds with for years, also shows up and it is clear will be needed, it just adds one more complexity to the situation. Can they all get along to keep each other safe, or will one of them fall to those who are coming against them?

MYSTS OF TIME

@mystsoftime - As Rome burned, Pluto plucked the first soul that would become one of his Lemures to survive more than a century. In fact, that Lemure is still alive today. Enzo is considered the head of the Lemures worldwide, although he isn't really. He's just the oldest one still alive, so those younger look to him for guidance. His best friend is Dante, who was plucked under Justinian, and close to that is Trevarius who died under Hannibal. Dante and Trevarius have been a team for several centuries, mostly operating in the Midwest since the 1800's.

With Dante in Prague, Enzo received what he thought was a summons from Pluto to come to St. Louis and help the Lemure team there with a case. What he walks into is going to turn the world of not only the three men, but the female Lemure there upside down. Renata died in 1897 when a carriage accident plunged her into the Mississippi River in St. Louis. She's served with Dante and Trevarius ever since. The only problem? She's the doppelganger of Enzo's dead wife. Oh, and she and Dante are in love.

One more little hitch...the summons wasn't from Pluto...and she might NOT be a Lemure....

NIGHTMARE MAGIC

(MAGICAL MISTAKES X BATTLEGROUND OF DREAMS)

@nightmare-magic - Set in the future of both Magical Mistakes and Battleground of Dreams in an AU - so some spoilers and some not as nothing is set in stone for either timeline

Vollrath has never met a problem he can't magic his way out of, that is until now. With nightmares torturing his wife, Mahala, he's at a loss on what to do. Neither of his best friends, his brother, or any of their wives, are able to do anything to help either. Each night the dreams are getting worse, and even more dire, they are starting to have physical effects.

Morpheus and Melinoe are a Dream Assassin team to be reckoned with and have taken over the whole organization. After the sins of the past were revealed, Krios and Andromeda were ousted and now they run the show. A formidable team in the dream world and also in life, they have cemented their relationship in all ways.

Vollrath and Morpheus have a history. Magic and dreams shouldn't cross. There are rules, but neither Vollrath nor Morpheus obey them well. They've both stepped on each other's toes, but now to save Mahala they are going to have to work together and the only one that may be able to negotiate peace is Melinoe, if she can stand Vollrath long enough to do it...

PRINCESS OF THIEVES

@princess-of-thieves-id - Princess Inara is set to marry Prince Diyan the next day, a man she has never met or even set eyes on. Ever defiant, that is the last thing she is going to do. Deciding to thwart her father's plans, the Princess slips out of the castle and sets to escape. Little does she know that the Prince's family sent Arik, the Prince's best friend and a trained assassin, to watch over her, fearing more that she would be murdered by enemies rather than escape. One thing that Arik knows is that Diyan doesn't want to marry Inara either, so instead of stopping her, he helps her with a promise to keep her safe if she stays with him. They make it to the next town, which is a port and aboard a vessel that is just preparing to depart in an effort to stay one step ahead of the soldiers now searching for Inara. Unbeknownst them, they have just become stow-aways on a pirate ship. Complicating things further is that Arik and the Captain of the ship are not strangers, and when a romance develops between Inara and Arik and the Captain deciding he would like her for his own, things become even more complicated. Not to mention all three of them are being hunted by multiple kingdoms. Nothing like a quiet day on the sea, right?

SEHNSUCHT RISING

@sehnsuchtrising

Tapperhet

@tapperhet-em - When Princess Meeri's father is deposed by his brother, he believes she was part of the coup, and disowns her as his family flees the country. Lucky for her, she is found by one of the knights she befriended in childhood and is still loyal to her, Einar, before her uncle did. A members of nobility, he and three of his friends spirit her off into hiding where they can plan to figure out who set her up, help her rebuild a life apart from royalty, and decide how to bring about justice. Can the seeming unrequited love of Einar for Meeri turn into more? Or will one of his brothers in arms, cut him off from that possibility? And how close was/is the traitor to Meeri? Sometimes safe isn't as safe as you think...and destiny, it's more than just a lofty ideal. She is a bitch sometimes, and she will find you.

WHILE YOU WAIT

@whileyouwait-dm - Sorting algorithms are a part of daily life. But, what happens when one goes wrong? For the most part, it's no big deal. However, when the one sorting souls in the afterlife goes wrong, it is a VERY BIG DEAL!

Somehow Miriana has ended up in Hell. Djall's Hell to be exact, and no one is quite sure where she's actually supposed to be! Since all of the major gods have fucked off on some "team building" thing, she's going to be there a while. So, Djall being the benevolent ruler of Hell, puts her up in his home and gives her a job..

Support, Trigger Warning, and Separation Banners on this and all side/reblogs are work of @cafekitsune. I try to credit them as I go, but crediting here as well in case I forget.

Author Goddess Banner - @cillmequick <3

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hergrandplan · 3 months

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Hey Nina 💜,

1,4,5, 14 and 17 for the writers ask thingie

Gladly!!

The last sentence you wrote

Simon wishes he could do more for W., help him somehow. Refer him to another publisher, one who would see what he sees. But Simon doesn’t have those kind of connections.

Okay technically these are three sentences but otherwise it wouldn't make sense i hope you don't mind lol

4. A story idea you haven't written yet

Oh, I have many (too many, some would say) but I once had an idea where Party Prince Wille gets into big big trouble one night. He gets way too drunk at a club, and even gets photographed leaving with someone. The next morning, his mother shows him images of him leaving with none other than Simon Eriksson, Sweden's Sweetheart, hand fully on his ass in a definitely-not-friendly way. His mother is done with him ruining the image of the monarchy with all his fooling around. In order to straighten out his image, Wille and Simon have to pretend they're actually dating...

I'm not explaining this well but it's fun and messy I promise

5. First sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

"Plus, what right did they have to be there?"

14. Where do you get your inspiration?

I want to give the poetic answer and say shit like. All around me, the world, people on the train, but that's bullshit.

I get my inspiration from songs, a good 99% of the time (I stan very lyrical artists and that makes it so so easy)

17. Talk about your writing and editing process

Ooooh okay. Love this question!

Once I have an idea, like when that first flash hits me, I start writing immediately. Doesn't matter where I am; at home or at work or, once, literally walking the streets of New York. Cause once I have that idea, I usually at least have one or two fully fleshed out scenes in my head that I have to get out before I lose them.

After that, I usually let the stories marinate and sit and focus on other projects that are in a further stage of development. It's rare that I immediately write a whole story; editorial au really is the exception to anything really.

After that, I just pick up the story whenever I feel like it, but the beginning of writing is very much snippets in my notes, little random thoughts that hit me throughout the day.

When I sit down to write, depending on how fueled I am, I either write like 5k words in one go or 5. I try not to be too hard to myself during the writing stage; it doens't need to be good then (it really doesn't need to be good ever, but hey) it just needs to be Something. Words on a page. Any thoughts I have about the scene. Any time I get stuck, I write in a bracket what I want to do and move on. If I think about what I'm stuck on for too long I get stuck in writing and lose all motivation. It happens once or twice that I also don't have any ideas on what's supposed to happen after the scene I'm stuck on, but yeah, usually brackets.

I also talk to myself in the comments. If I'm hit with an idea about something I wrote earlier, the most I'll do is put a comment there about that idea, and go back to where I left off.

Sometimes I'll ask friends on opinions; discuss scenes or whether something a character does is actually in character. Talking really helps in working through hurdles, more so than I initially thought it would.

Often times when writing I think of my writing as too flat, but that's okay, because: editing is where I shine.

Now, given my profession this shouldn't have surprised me but I mean it that my best work is done in editing. That's where I get the sentences to flow, the pacing to work. I'll rewrite whole sections, and maybe it can seem like a waste of time, but those rewritings wouldn't be as good if there wasn't something that came before them. I take my time editing, making sure everything works, and then I send it off to my beta reader who reads it, works out those final kinks with me and then it's off to ao3!

(this all means it does take me ages to publish a story so thank you to everyone who's so patient with me lol)

Send me fic writer asks!

#thank you for asking!#also let this be proof i am not ignoring my inbox at all #re those drabbles #im just . thinking about them #nina answers #tag game #sillylittleflower

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trainsinanime · 10 months

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for the dvd commentary ask game: Willing to Help

i can submit a whole fic if it’s less than 500 words, right?

Sure, thank you for asking! For context, the story is Willing to Help, and this is the ask game.

Willing to Help is part of a small set of stories, scenes and incorrect quotes that I originally published right here on Tumblr, originally without a title. Over the years I’ve added them (I think all of them) to Ao3 so I and others can easily find them again long after they’ve been lost to the depths of the dashboard. The original is here; as you can see I added a bit more description.

As such, the story is deliberate simple, really just one basic thought and punchline, both part of the list of ML ideas I always find funny:

Adrien is so in love with Marinette even though he doesn’t fully realize it. He might not say he’s in love with her, but given half an excuse he’d marry her instantly. So let’s give him an excuse!

The reason why Marinette has to get married is a list of over the top silly and familiar tropes that don’t make any sense and don’t belong together, because that makes me laugh. It doesn’t actually matter, so this is a great opportunity to get silly with it. I’m always a big fan of implying parts of the story and letting the readers fill in their own imagination, especially for such short stories.

And of course it doesn’t matter at all, Adrien didn’t need any of the excuse, just hearing that she wanted to marry was enough to set him off. Because our sweet fool knows not that he’s in love with her, but he understands that he loves her.

The punchline is again from my bag of favorite tropes: Kagami also loves Marinette. I know not everybody likes that, I have received negative comments (well, one, to be precise) about how often I make either outright Marigami (or Adrigaminette) stories or tease them… but yeah, I’m not gonna stop, I have way too much fun with that.

What else? Alya is really just a sounding board to get the plot rolling. Sorry, I love her, she deserves better, but having Adrien overhear a discussion between Marinette and Alya is a really efficient way to get a Marinette-centric Adrinette plot to happen. They’re literally right behind him in the classroom, it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

The Ao3 version also makes an “Adrien comes out of nowhere” joke that the show loved to do.

My main issue with the story is the title. The Tumblr post didn’t have or need a title, and I don’t like the one I chose, because it’s too generic. I am having real trouble telling “Willing to help” and “How do you help a good friend?” apart (and the letter from “Let’s talk about that”), and I wrote the damn things! So that’s something I hope I can improve on for future stories. Attack of the Crystal Zombies may not be the best title ever or the best story ever, but at least I can remember which one it is.

Thank you for asking, writing this was fun!

#miraculous ladybug #I’ll send you a reciprocal ask later no time right now message me if I forget

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eureka-its-zico · 1 year

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Hiiiii, I’m 🧀 baaack. I felt an energy disturbance in the Force and turns out there is a sneak peek for the next chapter and oh my God… I choked on my tea 🫠😂

I was HOPING for a conversation like that. And I did think Nami would be the one who would point something like that out to Zoro too. Idk, Nami just seems like the person who’d give the best advise 🤷🏻‍♀️

And honestly, something about dancing in fics whilst the guy watches just hits different for me. I am sappy and just melt at parts where the the guy’s interest makes an absolute fool of themselves on the dancefloor (think it’s because I dance like an absolute fool too 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 It’s all about having fun!!!).

I am so looking forward for the next part and it’s so hard with this Zoro brain rot that I’ve been having 🫠😂 I have a course assignment to submit before end of Thursday and then I have a midterm that I can take whenever from Friday until Tuesday and just… I have to admit, I even started writing again to deal with this obssession that I have been having 🤦‍♀️ I cannot say I’ve been productive when it comes to a lot of my adult responsibilities…

As for Tumblr in 2009 - I have to admit, I was a teenager then and didn’t care too much about Tumblr then 😂 I was active between 2011-2012 and going crazy for a lot of bands so my dash before the purge was… a lot of bands that I am not really listening to anymore, BUT it was a lovely trip down the memory lane. It wasn’t fun to remember how cringe of a teenager I was tho 😂 I’ve been on and off Tumblr for years, I have to admit. And I keep coming back to it at times where life gets a bit too hard.

Last time I sent in the ask, I wasn’t doing well and I still am not the best mentally though I’ll get there. Thank you for your kind words, they meant a lot to me over the weekend ❤️

The cherry on top, and this is funny to me because life sometimes gets ridiculous, was last night when my keyboard and mouse put up their middle fingers and stopped working at the same time whilst I was in the middle of something 😂 And not to the point that I need to replace batteries or charge them, but actually replace them 🤣 It’s alright though, I work in tech and I have learned that technology does this to me out of sheer spite 🤷🏻‍♀️

This sneak peek has brought me such joy and I am smiling like a fool and I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again tonight 😂

Thank you for sharing this with us! And I hope you are having a lovely start to your week! ❤️

Osiyo oginalii,

How wonderful it is to hear from you!!! I love that you used a Star Wars reference in relation to knowing I had posted something 🤣 but I am sorry it made you choke on your tea (this also feels like a low key st reference).

Nami really is the best person to bring that kind of stuff up. She’s the most observant of the crew, because she has so much to lose in her mind. So, it’s made her hyper aware of everything around her. Luffy was just a wildcard she never saw coming. I feel like she’s always trying to get a read on everybody, and because of that she just notices what others might be trying to hide. Like feelings 😬

I am like you! I have been struggling to complete all my uni work because I’m having my first lung procedure this Friday. So, I’ve been struggling to do all my homework before then and also work on publishing this week before I’m out for the weekend. IF you do write something, please let me know. I would absolutely love to read whatever you create 🖤

It makes me sad you are still having a hard time, but just know I am here for you. I know it isn’t much, but if there is anything I can do to help keep your mind off it or make you feel a tad better I will always do my best. I sincerely hope this week is kinder to you in some regard.

If my keyboard or anything went out on my computer I would DIE. I spent 2k+ plus on that thing to play games, and I would cry tears of pure agony. Tell your mouse and keyboard we have absolutely no time for this foolishness and that they need to get it together ASAP.

I hope you got some sleep these past few days! Your health is so important! Again, I am sending you all the hugs. Much love 🖤

#thecheesyreader #answered #Chaos in Their Bones review #I am sorry it took me so long to get to my inbox #it’s been a stressful and trying few days

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logicheartsoul · 1 year

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For the writer ask game: 🌻🍭💎🤲🏻

Ohhh now these are some heavy hitting questions 😂 Let’s see how long these answers might get LOL

🌻 what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going? Oh this question is just going to punch me in the face right off the bat, huh? 😂😂😂

Currently going through a bit of a hiatus writing wise and a lot of times I just. Think about permanently giving up a lot lol It’s coming up 2-2.5 years now but writing has not only been hard but I have barely published anything and scrounging up enough to write even 100 words can be so much. I have lots of thoughts and ideas but even just thinking about them to try to put it to pen and paper is just…a lot.

It’s not the first time I’ve had a writing hiatus, I had a 10 year one before (which sounds like a lot but I literally started writing back in elementary school, for some context lol) and while a lot happened during that time, I never thought I would get back to writing again. Something did eventually and I got back but I’ve been having periodic moments on and off since 2016, but never as long as this. (Usually only for a few months)

There is a lot that makes me wanna give up, but I try to give myself the room just NOT to actually do it. To do any writing or thinking on it or whatever. What keeps the idea going is that one day I’ll want to get back to it and I won’t have all this pain and fear and other negative stuff attached to it when I do, even if it really does take years to come back. It’s never really permanent no matter how my brain likes to fool me lol

🍭 why did you start writing? Originally it was an assignment a teacher gave me back in second? grade lol but eventually I just had too much fun getting the words out. (There’s some notebook out there with past me’s 100 chapter story lmao granted this was back in 2nd-3rd grade so who knows how good it is or how long those chapters are 😂)

And because I also had a lot of thinky thoughts back then, I also thought writing down my thoughts, feelings, and things like that were important and why I’ve basically journaled like 90% of my life handwritten. Haven’t really stopped, and when I got into writing fic it was just like “oh I can imagine scenarios with characters I like???”

Simple motives but it never really leaves you lol

💎 why is writing important to you? At this point, I’ve done writing practically my entire life, and it’s an important part of who I am. But also being able to journal and write down thoughts and feelings has been good and therapeutic to me but also this tangible thing to be like, I’m here, I existed, that was important enough. Being able to express myself and get all these feelings out and connect through word is indescribable how much it’s worth is to me.

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing? I guess this is a bit tied to the other questions but I get a lot. Like yeah, a snapshot of how I feel, or able to process emotions I was feeling, but also being able to have a voice — especially when I’m feeling like I don’t have one or I’m being silenced (however temporarily). But with with writing poetry or songs or stories, there’s something there at the end of it and it’s like I did that, that’s me! And maybe I got enjoyment or whatever in the process. But it’s fun seeing how people react and connect to the thing I did.

[send fic writer asks]

#ask #answers #thejaguarback #a-chan talks writing #gotta admit this got a little real this morning 😂

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dasenergi-diary · 2 years

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Here's the thing, I don't express any of this in the "real world."

I am a strong, confident, wise, caring, fun, loving, creative, leader.

I don't express my fears or anxieties in the real world. I don't let people see me cry. In many ways I am stoic. I don't drop my defenses.

I just share these with you. And even then, I don't really share everything I'm feeling. I am guarded. I do keep a distance.

I guess I am a victim of toxic masculinity just as much as anyone else.

I like to think of myself as more evolved, but I'm really not. I am just as human as everyone. The same weaknesses and insecurities, hopes, and fears.

But I keep my mask on, not letting anyone else know.

(But they all know, don't they? They're being kind, acting like they can't see the insecure, scared, lost, broken child behind my mask. I'm not fooling anyone, except myself. I am most comfortable being the strong, confident, wise, caring, fun, loving, creative, leader. I am avoiding dealing with the darkness within me. I am avoiding the shadow work.)

The truth? I expected to die five years ago. (After I published my book.) I've been lost ever since then. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know who I am anymore. I lost my purpose. I'm just loving and living one day at a time.

Again, I guess that's what it is to be human.

I always thought I was something more.

#What does it mean to be human?

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neonluardon · 16 days

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21.08.2024 - Book Report

As of this date, the writing process of Lumiére Savante, the second book of the Never Alone Series, has been completed. The editing process starts now, and by performing several tests and rereading, I plan to publish the first version in late September or early October.

Although writing is fun, and I only end up with more ideas, the editing part is equally tricky. This time with a longer book compared to Savoir Vivre. But at least I have solid experience and know what I should do, whereas Savoir Vivre was my first attempt at self-publishing. I am positive this version will be more polished than the first book, though I will keep working and reading to fix mistakes even after publishing. Savoir Vivre, for instance, has reached its third version with all the changes.

Although I am aware I should have been focusing more on advertisement, I just can't come up with proper ideas, nor do I have the equipment and experience to support them. For now, I'll stick to writing only and let time work its miracle.

To be the author of two complete novels in one year, I could never think I would reach such a high place. Despite the hardships of life and the impending doom looming over all of us, I want to play the fool every day and assume things will get better.

Technically speaking, being optimistic won't kill anyone; in fact, it helps people make better use of their opportunities and enhance their thinking.

I was almost dying one year ago. Facing that fearsome moment and having to survive the aftermath taught me a lot. One of them is to never, ever belate anything just because you don't feel like it or don't have hope. Hope only disappears when you die, so do whatever you can when you have the chance.

Successful or not, famous or unknown, I couldn't care any less. I would love to do my hobby as a job and earn a living from it. I would love to use all the opportunities I will get to help my family and those in need. But if that never happens, if it turns out that I was just wasting my time and youth over a profession that has no financial advantage, it is okay, too. Because it is worthy for me, it has always been worthy for my younger self, which defines what life means.

To live for what is worthy according to yourself, not for money.

You can't buy inner peace with money.

#author #writer #milestone #books #writing #journal

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alltheotherblogs · 5 months

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It's hard to write some times.

I was writing a few short stories, writing a book, doing creative writing... Yeah, I do a lot of writing. Probably too much. Sometimes I get stumped, or in a slump, sometimes I just don't want to write a specific story and I get sidetracked with another. Polluting a story with too many themes is a recipe to a bad book. I just wish it was easier to drink a cup of coffee, and get writing consistently.

Dead Poet Society, fantastic film. I was writing a story about a school which doubled as a prison for children deemed dangerous, where the principal was a lumbering giant monster who would kill students that broke rules. It's a fun sci-fi fantasy about the horrors of being forced into a system that doesn't work, which damages the kids, and traumatizes those who actually survive it. My thoughts on the school system aren't exactly secret, 1) School is a scam. 2) School teaches you nothing. 3) It's a broken system where everybody loses, especially the children.

Of course I never went to school. I have no regrets, I got my entire high school education done in three months, and I don't remember a single lick of the useless knowledge it imparted upon me. I've always been quite the firecracker, and from the stories I have heard about school, I don't think it's the right place for me. Let me just say, a lot of people would be very hurt, and rightfully so. I could get darker with this but I'll avoid that. To say that school actually helps anyone is nothing but a lie fabricated by greedy corrupt fools. More self-teaching programs less regulations that make it difficult to actually LEARN anything.

Back to writing. I am constantly having tons and tons of ideas, but they don't all mesh into the same thing... It makes me wonder, what if I could channel that into something? Could you imagine how many books I could write in a week?! If each idea was coherent and cohesive to the previous, I'd have a bookshelf full of my own work. As of right now, I can't even finish one book before thinking "Hey this would be a cool idea." Makes me think I should just write a book of short stories and try to get that published, and if that works, I'll actually put my mind to writing a full book. I can easily imagine writing as a job, writing book after book like Steven King or R.L. Stein. I've had those creative kicks where everything makes sense and it flows. But I never had them about my writing, it has always been something stupid...

Some say that knowledge is something sat in your lap. Some say it is something that you never have. Wise lyrics from a clever lady. I relate to this song quite a bit, because right when I have the flow and I think I'm ready to write ten chapters in a row! ... Everything crumbles. I want to do a lot of things in my life, I'll never get to do most of those things, just by virtue of not being qualified and having to do other things first. Not only that but my life circumstances are quite grim. I wasn't exactly given a fair lot, and I now live in a time where being an adult feels helpless and most of us cannot afford housing or vehicles. Thanks, I know exactly who I blame, I know exactly why I blame them, they are all incompetent and corrupt. Hint, it's the United States government.

Can you tell that I don't like the government yet? I'm very much against all modern politics to be honest. They not only bore but appall me. The fact that most people are ignorant to the things they vote on makes me sick. That never would've been the case hundreds of years ago, in places like Ancient Greece. Imagine an entire group of people who are terrified of a boogieman, and they call to outright ban it because they are scared of it, but in fact this boogieman is only a puppet and cannot act on it's own, has no sentience, and the boogieman isn't half the things that people are being told it is. Not only that! But there are more of this boogieman, and the cartel has millions of them, which obviously they aren't going to get rid of. Meanwhile gangs have just about as much, and organized criminals find it very easy to just ship in these boogiemen from out of the country, resulting in only law abiding citizens (The people who weren't causing any trouble in the first place) to lack protection against the actual monsters who use these boogiemen. I'm talking about guns. Guns and politics don't mix, just let everyone have them, it's their right regardless of what you'd like. And no, you can't limit what a civilian can have, track it, or anything. Seriously, it doesn't work, we've proved it doesn't work. MAYBE some times tracking firearms works, but rarely... We often forget that criminals aren't as stupid as the government. It's like watching the Road Runner cartoon, criminals are road runner, the government is Wile E coyote.

This post was originally about writing.

I have a few OC's in the continuity of this perpetual canon I'm always adding to. I like to play lots of different characters and improvise what they'd do in situations, so I've kind of ended up with more than a hundred misc. OC's that are getting difficult to fully keep track of. I'd like to apply each of these characters to their own story... But I'll be damned if that isn't going to be a herculean feat. It's like having a bunch of kids and not wanting to play favorites, but the fact is some of them just aren't success material. You know, one of them actually is a corrupt politician...

In summary. I'm finding it hard to keep writing even though I love writing so much! What makes it all worse is that I know if life would just take a break from beating the shit out of me, I'd actually be able focus and write. I have all these problems that limit me from being fully ME. And none of it is my fault, I can't control any of it. I have to go day by day reminding myself that it isn't my fault that these years of my life are being stolen from me. I'm sure many can relate.

#firearms #writing #government corruption

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lucyglassesstuff · 2 years

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Dealing with: Fears and Doubts.

Insecurities I think is a better fitting name for it.

I'm- scared. Ha ha.

Yeah, how surprising. I told you most of the thoughts I have start in a similar way.

Anyway, that's this post's topic.

I published a grand total of two things by the time I'm writing this and I'm already doubting it.

What's the point of doing any of it if no one ever reads it? What if no one ever reads it? What if I'm wasting time and effort on this? What if, what if, what if.

The answer is quite simple: You push through.

I'll be fine either way. I know I will.

It doesn't make much to stop the thoughts from coming, but makes enough to allow me to do it anyway.

I think- After many many little tiny baby steps that lead me here- I'm in the phase where I'm starting to quite literally kick myself off the edge of the cliff.

You go and triumph girl! Fly!

I picture myself falling and screaming knowing damn well I just jumped off that cliff because I know I'll fall into what I want.

And- don't let yourself be fooled. I'm not doing anything that's oh so out there and risky and bla bla.

I started to post.

That's it.

And for me, in my context and with my social anxiety and fear of rejection and all the issues that I can't remember to name, is a HUGE jump.

I'm aware there's people who do it without even blinking. Not even a second thought after publishing the thing.

Whatever the thing might be.

I love to pretend I'm confident.

Some people buy into it.

It's fun.

And I guess in some ways I am.

Because I'm not- Shy, per se. I'm actually quite loud and bold and unapologetic, but I do am insecure.

I doubt- a lot of what I do.

Wich doesn't make me stop doing it just- Gives me anxiety.

Is a constant war between "I'm not going to change because of what someone else may or may not think of me" and "What if everyone hates me and I'm super annoying?"

I want to be real and authentic and happy and free and etc etc but I also want to be liked.

Is that possible?

YES.

Yes it is.

And Mejor solo que mal acompañado, right?

Yeah.

Again, is a very contradicting way of thinking. But I suppose that's all of us. In some degree...

See? I just doubted myself there again.

Long story short my life is now basically an ongoing cycle of being scared of something and then convincing myself to do it anyway.

It's fun.

Keeps me on my toes.

What will I force myself to do next?

I'm kidding, I don't force myself, I softly persuade the hell out of myself.

Maybe it has something to do with how my family works...

Oh yeah, might I clarify, this is a- Well- How would you describe it...

Instead of presenting you any final ideas on a certain topic, I'm just rambling about how I deal with stuff.

I keep thinking about how to organize the whole thing. How do I separate this type of post from the other ones and honestly what is the main difference between them.

Should I put a small summary on the top of it so you know more about what I'll be covering?

Should I just format the titles differently? With the font or the titles themselves?

It's a whole thing.

But then again: I want to make a point of proving I can still do it even when I haven't figured it out yet.

In all honesty I'm just scared I'll freeze in planning mode if I don't push myself to just do it.

I want it to be cohesive and easy to go through once I've posted more things.

Oh I have big big plans.

And I'm still trying to figure how to lay them out.

And of course, they make me scared: What if I fail? What if they don't work? What if I change my mind? What if let myself down? What if my expectations are to high? What if the punch of harsh reality blows my inspiration and confidence away and I loose all the progress I made so far? What if-

Oh my God, girl stop.

You sound hysterical.

Inhale exhale, c'mon. One two.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Once more.

It's gonna be fine.

Don't panic.

And I mean, it's okay to worry sometimes, it's inevitable. Fighting against it is exhausting too, so I opted to just let it happen and then I'll sit with myself to calm me down in the most loving and patient way I can master.

Loving and patient.

For a scared and panicked me.

It works better than it sounds, truly.

One of my most useful new tools.

Is not an easy tatic but is quite simple.

You should try it.

#fears #doubts #self doubt #stress #anxeity #dealing with emotions #dealing with anxiety #just dealing with shit

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libertyreads · 2 years

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January TBR--

The first TBR for 2023 looks so sad, but I’m planning to get to a large amount of Kindle books and ARCs. I’m also planning on reading a little slower this year which means fewer books per month. I have a TBR that only adds up to 1,686 pages total. What am I going to do with all this free time?!

1. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (40 Before 40 Project and Kindle)-- One of the last few books I have left for my big project and one of the books I’ve been looking forward to the least. This one is a dystopian novel (shouldn’t I be excited for that?) set in a futuristic world inhabited by genetically modified citizens with an intelligence-based social hierarchy. This was written in 1931, published in 1932. I’m bored already. (I should really try to work out of my low expectations but, with the exception of The Count of Monte Cristo, this project has shown me that I don’t like classics.)

2. Terrier by Tamora Pierce (40 Before 40 Project)-- When I made my big project last year, I let two of my best friends pick a book for me to read and this author was highly recommended. I have never read from this author before so I don’t know what to expect. It seems like this might be a prequel to another series of hers, but I remember reading through the synopses for all the series openers and this one I remember liking more. We follow Beka Cooper who is a rookie within the Provost’s Guard. Her magical abilities help her when she’s assigned to work in the Lower City. Chaos ensues? We’ll see.

3. Mistakenly Married by Victorine E. Lieske (Kindle)-- Book #3 in this series where you really need to suspend your disbelief. When there’s a mixup at a Las Vegas chapel, Penny doesn’t get married to her online boyfriend, but to Harrison Williams--a man who needs a wife to gain access to his trust fund. When the mistake is uncovered, Harrison convinces Penny to go back to Bel Air to prove he’s married while promising to pretend to be the online boyfriend so her family doesn’t have to know about her big mistake.

4. Blissfully Married by Victorine E. Lieske (Kindle)-- Book #4 in this series. This premise seems a little more believable than the last three. In this one Sidney’s matchmaking business is suffering so she dons a fake engagement ring to boost customer confidence. She thinks fate is on her side when her fake engagement ring keeps the ex-boyfriend who shattered her heart at bay. Blake can’t believe it when he runs into Sidney and realizes she’s all grown up. And off limits. When he finds out she’s not really engaged, he makes it his goal to coax the truth out of her.

5. Royals by Rachel Hawkings-- This one feels a bit like the Princess Diaries in that our main character is supposed to become a Lady in order to avoid making a fool of herself at court. But this time the main character isn’t the royal. Her sister will be once she marries the Crown Prince of Scotland. I saw a lot of hype for this when it originally came out in 2018 and found a pretty cheap copy at a library sale. I’m hoping to have fun with it, but not expecting too much.

6. The Quarter storm by Veronica G. Henry (Kindle)-- I made the rookie mistake of requesting a second book in a series on NetGalley so when I was approved for it I realized I needed to grab book one. This is the first book in that series and set in New Orleans. We follow a Vodou practitioner as she tries to solve a ritual murder.

#tbr #monthly tbr #January tbr #new year #bookish #booklr #bookstagram #books to read in 2023 #to be read #to be read pile

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literarilytrisha · 2 years

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My Rating: 2/5 ⭐ Genre(s): romance, contemporary Published: February 23rd 2021 by Elena Armas Content Warnings: sexism Quick Reaction: 👀🩹🤏😮🙄

Description:

Catalina Martín desperately needs a date to her sister’s wedding. Especially since her little white lie about her American boyfriend has spiralled out of control. Now everyone she knows—including her ex and his fiancée—will be there and eager to meet him. She only has four weeks to find someone willing to cross the Atlantic and aid in her deception. New York to Spain is no short flight and her raucous family won’t be easy to fool. Enter Aaron Blackford—her tall, handsome, condescending colleague—who surprisingly offers to step in. She’d rather refuse; never has there been a more aggravating, blood-boiling, and insufferable man. But Catalina is desperate, and as the wedding draws nearer, Aaron looks like her best option. And she begins to realize he might not be as terrible in the real world as he is at the office.

My Thoughts: ** OUTLIER ALERT! ** ♡ 2 stars. Hi. It's me, I'm the problem it's me. Let me start out with saying, I AM SO MAD AND FRUSTRATED at every booktok and just anyone who told me to read this book. Tiktok and instagram lied to me. They lied so BADLY TO ME. But I should be used to this by now when I don't tend to like a lot of the hyped up books. The Love Hypothesis being a grand exception to this rule since I ate that book up. Moving along. Here is what I was promised: work place romance enemies to lovers tension and slow burn banter and cuteness book boyfriend material addition Please, tell me where any of this was because I seem to have read a completely different book from the majority. This was in no way enemies to lovers and I wish I knew this going in. Maybe I would have had a different reading experience but we will never know now. This is pining and oblivious at best. From page one, we are able to tell he is super into her and she just doesn't get it. Not only does she not get it but she is MEAN. Like she is rude as heck and for absolutely no reason. Okay, no, I take that back. They didn't have the best first interaction but at what point do you LET. IT. GO. Lina is by far one of the least likeable protagonist I have read. She is rude as I said above, unprofessional, childish and whiny. Being stuck in her pov was not a fun experience and half of this book could have been trimmed down if we cut out some of her whine. I should have dnfed this at the first chapter, which read awkward and almost uncomfortable. I didn't get any chemistry whatsoever and where was my build up. Where was the tension! There were a few cute moments I will give the book this. The soccer scene was kind of cute. I actually really enjoyed her family and would have LOVED to read the book from her sister's prospective. I found her sister more compelling and interesting. Heck, even her cousin would have made for a more entertaining book. Let's get to this supposed book boyfriend material. Again, where is this and what am I missing. Lina thinks they are enemies and loathe each other so this man knowing everything about her is downright creepy. It reads stalkerish and it is not AWWW worthy. How she realizes wow he was just always around listening to what I had to say! Just no. Absolutely not. He touches her multiple times when she still thinks they hate each other without consent. Red flags all over the place here. It takes nearly 50% of the book to get them to the wedding and for Lina to accept his offer. I was internally screaming the entire time. Things improved some I admit when they got to Spain and the family entered the picture. As I said, I enjoyed the family and their dynamics were saving some of the chapters for me. The actual romance was eh at best for me. I didn't get the chemistry or the vibes I wanted. This was being compared to The Hating Game and just no. It's not in the same category at all and maybe this is what I expected too much of and why I was let down so badly. However, I DID enjoy the epilogue and started to see a little bit of a spark FINALLY. It just came way too late and still not the best pay off for the whole length of the rest of the book. As for the writing, I didn't mind it but being in Lina's pov was a no from me. I would have preferred it being in any other pov. It was a bit too bloated and so much of this could have been cut down and there is no way it needed to be this long. If this had been a thriller, it might have been more interesting to me. But I guess if the stalker angle was leaned into, it would have become more like You. It would have added some spice, though. All in all, this is one of my least favorite romances I have ever read and I am so upset by it. I read so many thrillers last month, I wanted something fun and swoon worthy to read to like cleanse myself. Instead I have knocked myself into a reading slump and it took everything I had to want to read and finish this. Don't be like me, if you're not enjoying this book just dnf it. It doesn't get better. For those who love this book and see this differently, I am so happy for you! I am so glad you enjoyed it and I really wish I could have. But this is another in the section of hype has let me down category.

#book reviewer #booklr #amreading #book blogger #book community #readerblr #booksbooksbooks #book lover #bookworm #book aesthetic #currently reading #review #&& my bookish reviews #read in 2022 #the spanish love deception #elena armas #romance books

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helloalycia · 3 years

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The Wrong Lifetime — Ten // Wanda Maximoff

chapter nine | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter eleven

author’s note: okay so this was supposed to be published yesterday but (if anyone cares lol), basically, i finished my last year of uni two days ago and so yesterday was the first official day i had that i didn’t have to do work, so i spent the whole day playing video games 😂 but it’s here now, so i hope you liked it!

Approaching Y/B/N's study, my annoyance returned when I remembered how he acted only an hour before. I didn't bother knocking as I let myself in, seeing him loosening his bow tie and looking out the window.

"What the hell was that?" I snapped instantly.

He sighed, yanking his bow tie off and throwing it to his desk. "What was what?"

I crossed my arms to contain my frustration. "You know what, Y/B/N." He continued to play dumb, so I watched him with a frown. "Why are you so against me getting published? I thought– I thought you'd be proud of me. It's all I've ever wanted."

With a scowl, he looked the other way. "I'm the writer, Y/N, not you."

His words created an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Jealousy was a disgusting look on him, one I never wanted to see.

"No," I said, uncrossing my arms and staring daggers at him. "You're not the writer. I am. You only got noticed because of me!"

"Shut up!" he shouted, finally meeting my eyes. "You don't get to do this! It's not about you!"

"Yes, it is!" I shouted right back. "For once, it is about me, Y/B/N! Because this is my chance to do something I love."

He rolled his eyes, getting riled up all over again. "And that's another thing. Why the hell are you putting silly ideas into my fiancé's head about making money? Are you trying to make me a fool in front of my in-laws?"

I squeezed my fists together, narrowing my eyes. "They aren't your in-laws."

"Oh, you know what I mean!"

He didn't deserve Wanda. He couldn't. She was too good for him.

"Sorry that your masculinity is so fragile that you can't let your fiancé do something she's passionate about," I said through gritted teeth.

He glowered down at me. "You need to butt out."

I smiled bitterly. "Maybe if you didn't start on Pietro for no reason, I would."

He scoffed. "Please. That man is only trying to get into your pants."

I don't think I'd ever wanted to strangle my brother as much as I did right now. Did he really not believe in me? He couldn't accept that maybe I'd earned this on my own accord? Thankfully, unlike him, I could contain my emotions and managed to swallow down my anger.

"You know that's not the case," I said with a dangerously calm voice. "You should talk about your soon-to-be brother-in-law with some respect."

Y/B/N sighed, moving to sit at his desk. I followed him with my eyes, unable to recognise who he was. I hadn't dubbed him for the insecure type, but I was being proven wrong many times tonight.

"I don't want to do this right now," he said quietly, sinking his head into his hands.

I uncurled my fists, fed up. "It's already been done."

He looked up, but I didn't wait to see his face. Maybe he wasn't the brother I thought he was.

—

"Honest opinion," Wanda said, before revealing herself from behind the curtain. "Nice or ugly?"

"Nice."

She smiled brightly, twirling around in the dress she was trying on, before going back behind the curtain to change into another one. She'd invited me over to hers to hang out, which meant watching her try on a bunch of new dresses and getting excited over each one. I wasn't complaining.

"So, that first book," she picked up from our previous conversation as she changed. She was referring to Y/B/N's first published book. "That was really you?"

"Yep." I pulled my legs up onto the lounge sofa and leaned on my hand, elbow propped on the back of the seat. "I mean, it got edited of course, but the initial manuscript was mine."

"Wow," she commented. "That must have really sucked to hear everybody praise it when it was actually yours."

"It did indeed."

She came out from the curtain wearing a dress that wasn't particularly nice looking. It had a baggy torso and slim legs, making Wanda look very unflattering. And that was saying something – she could pull off anything.

"Nice or ugly?" she asked, hands on her hips.

I squinted, tilting my head and trying to think if I should lie or not. Her blue eyes peered down at me intimidatingly and I knew I couldn't find it in myself to lie to her.

After a moment, I released a breath. "I'm sorry, love, but it's kind of ugly."

She chuckled, giving me a knowing smile. "Good. This was a test. Means you're paying attention."

"Wow. You think I'm just sat here for fun?"

She didn't respond, but an amused smile was on her lips as she headed behind the curtain to change yet again. It was quiet as she was changing, before she spoke up again.

"You know when we first met? And you showed me around your room?"

"How can I forget? You thought I was jealous of my brother," I quipped with a smile.

I could imagine the eye roll she was giving me. "That was before I knew you wrote half his stuff."

Stifling a laugh, I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Okay, go on."

She sighed. "I told you how I fell in love with that first book. How I fell in love with the words. And the person who wrote those words.”

"I remember."

She reappeared from behind the curtain, this time wearing a stunning floral blue sundress. It fell off her shoulders, revealing cream-coloured skin and a well-defined collarbone. I smiled softly, overwhelmed with admiration for the beautiful woman before me.

"I'm glad it was you," she said, and I suddenly remembered we were in the middle of a conversation.

Her eyes sparkled brightly as she smiled my way, and then her words sank in and my heart fluttered with adoration.

"Me, too," I breathed out.

She held my gaze for a second longer before looking down at her dress, pressing her hands over it. "So. What do you think? Nice or ugly?"

I raised my eyebrows with astonishment. "Wanda, you look absolutely beautiful."

Her shoulders relaxed as her eyes flickered to mine. "So, I should keep it?"

I spluttered, "Duh!"

She laughed, before approaching me and sitting beside me. Leaning her head on my shoulder, she pulled her legs onto the sofa and sighed contently. I wrapped an arm around her, resting my cheek on her head.

"I'm glad you'll finally get the recognition you deserve, milaya (darling)," she said, lifting her hand to intertwine it with mine over her shoulder.

With an entertained smile, I held her hand firmly. "Maybe, love. I haven't said yes."

"Oh, you'll say yes."

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, revelling in the warmth her body created as it pressed to mine. We had no concerns that somebody would catch us since nobody was home and the servants knew not to bother us.

"So, what was the book actually about?" she asked, playing with my fingers.

"Huh?"

"The book," she repeated. "I've heard Y/B/N's take on it, but what about yours?"

At the mention of my brother, I rolled my eyes. We still hadn't spoken since our argument and I wasn't exactly in the best place with him right now.

"It doesn't matter," I mumbled into her hair.

She used her elbow to nudge me gently in the stomach before grabbing my other hand and wrapping it around her waist.

"I like hearing you speak," she said softly. "And I love the way your mind works."

My cheeks flushed at the compliment, but I appreciated her words. She always had such an effect on me and I'd come to only care about one opinion nowadays – hers.

"Okay, I guess..." I sighed, subconsciously pressing my fingertips to hers. "The book is about a man who loses his wife to his own ignorance, right?" She hummed in agreement, so I continued. "Y/B/N always talks about how it's about a man failing to appreciate his wife, but that's not how I intended for it to be perceived."

Interest piqued, she sat up straight and turned around to face me, leaning her head on my chest and looking up with curious eyes. I smiled down at her, pressing a kiss to her nose, making her scrunch it up adorably.

"It's supposed to be about the wife discovering that she's her own woman and that she doesn't need her husband to be okay," I continued, holding her gaze. "It was her own self-discovery that pushed them apart, as well her husband's stupidity."

Wanda's lips curved into a gentle smile. "I like that interpretation a lot better than his."

Licking my lips, I breathed out through a smile. "You're biased, dear."

Her eyes flickered to my lips. "Maybe."

I chuckled before closing the gap between us, connecting our lips in a short, sweet kiss. She relaxed against me before smiling as we pulled away.

"Ya lyublyu vas (I love you)," she whispered.

I always loved when she spoke in her native tongue. She sounded so at peace when she did and it warmed my insides.

"I love you, too," I whispered right back.

She grinned, carefree, before turning to lean on my shoulder again. I held her, enjoying the silence that formed between us. Her presence was always enough and I never wanted anything more. But I knew Wanda and I knew that she couldn't stay quiet for too long, so something was definitely up.

"What are you thinking?" I asked quietly, not wanting to startle her in case she was too deep into her thoughts.

She sighed. "It's stupid."

I smiled. "I doubt that."

It went quiet and I assumed she didn't want to share, but then she played with my fingers again as she spoke.

"I was wondering what it would be like if we were able to get married," she murmured. "With the dresses and walking down the aisle and the rings."

I laced my fingers through hers, the thoughts having crossed my mind at times, too. It was nice to think 'what if', but it was also a dangerous game.

"The wedding cake would have to be chocolate," I played along, not wanting her to think she couldn't talk about it.

She snickered, loosening up in my arms. "Of course. And the colour scheme would have to be red."

"Definitely," I agreed, knowing she wouldn't have it any other way, "...it could be somewhere small but comfortable. Surrounded by nature, maybe."

"Yes. With flowers all around us and the sound of birds tweeting in the trees."

A comforting smile crept on my lips as I closed my eyes, imagining it in my mind. What a beautiful day it would be.

"I'd force Pietro to be the ring bearer," she added as an afterthought, and I laughed, chest moving up and down with her on it.

"He'd hate that," I pointed out.

"Exactly," she said with a mischievous hum.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "What about afterwards? Where would you want to live?"

She scrunched her face up before settling with, "Somewhere remote. Away from people. Maybe a nice cottage somewhere."

Nodding in agreement, I said, "We could have a beautiful garden in the back. I'd do my very best to make it perfect for you. And you could paint whatever you wanted there."

A considerate smile tugged at her lips at the thought. "Yes! And we could get a pet. I've always wanted a pet."

"I guess we could... what pet do you want?"

With no hesitation, she said, "Chickens."

I looked down at her, quirking a brow. "Chickens?"

Looking up at me, she stared like it was self-explanatory. "They're cute and they lay eggs. Think about it. Fresh eggs for breakfast every morning."

God, she was so cute. I smiled, squeezing her hand. "Chickens it is, love."

She got excited as she tugged on my hand. "You can finally get a study of your own!"

"And you can get your own studio," I added, making her grin.

"And I'd keep it sparkling clean."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Don't lie, Wanda."

She rolled her eyes, though wore a humoured expression. "Okay, maybe not..."

"You can keep it as messy as you want," I promised her, as if it was actually going to happen and we'd get what we wanted.

The dream was so vivid in my mind that it could have been a memory. Wanda and I living together, peacefully and without hiding... if only we weren't in the wrong lifetime.

"I like to pretend that you gave this to me," she said after an unsettling silence fell upon us, raising her left hand for me to see. She wiggled her ring finger, the silver band and emerald gem glinting in the light. "It makes me feel better."

I swallowed hard and forced a smile, intertwining my fingers in hers and bringing them to my lips to kiss gently.

"Technically I picked it," I reminded her to lighten the mood, but it didn't work.

A sad smile appeared on her face. "Maybe in another lifetime, we could have met in a world that allowed this."

My smile faded into a frown at her words. Like I said, considering the 'what if's' was a dangerous game, and we'd already played too much of it.

"You're going to marry my brother soon," I said quietly, the realisation hitting me. "This– us, will have to stop."

She sat up and turned to face me, eyes looking between mine as she shook her head. "It doesn't have to."

I rested a hand on her cheek and she leaned into it, kissing my palm. I savoured the feeling of her lips against my skin.

"What we're doing isn't fair on either of us," I said reluctantly, afraid to say what we'd avoided for as long as our relationship lasted.

She frowned. "I'd rather have you like this than not at all."

My heart ached because I knew she was being genuine, and the truth is, I felt the same. But that brought me to our next dilemma.

"It's not fair on Y/B/N either."

She tensed her jaw. "The world doesn't want us together, Y/N. They're the ones who forced us to be like this."

"Like what?" I asked with knowing eyes. "Cheaters?"

Her eyes glossed over and it broke me to see her so hurt.

"Is it really cheating if I never wanted to be with him?" she asked with a shaky voice. "If I'm only acting out of duty? If I never loved him?"

Realising I'd saddened her, I moved forward and pulled her in for a hug, running my hand down her hair and to her back. "Sorry... I didn't mean to make you upset."

She sniffled and I felt her tears soaking my shirt. "Don't talk like that... I don't want to lose you."

I swallowed hard, nodding into her shoulder. "I don't want to lose you either, Wanda."

But I knew that deep down, we couldn't hold onto everything we wanted to in life. Deep down, she must have known that, too.

—

"...and this is where we write up the contracts. It's where we'd write up yours if you say yes."

Pietro grinned cheekily as I gave him a knowing look. He was showing me around the publishing house – a proper tour, not just me lurking around on the few visits I'd been here for Y/B/N – with hopes of convincing me to sign a contract with him.

"Pietro, you said you wouldn't be biased," Wanda warned, and I gave her a grateful smile as Pietro chuckled.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it," he apologised, though he definitely didn't mean it. "I just really think you'd be a great fit here, Y/N. I already have editors willing to work with you based on the few pages they've seen of your work."

I raised my eyebrows, startled. "Wow, seriously?"

He nodded. "Most definitely. As I told you the other night, you're talented. And with my help, you can be successful, too."

A smile fell on my lips uncontrollably. A real editor wanted to work with me. Woah.

"I'm gonna get some coffee," Wanda said, squeezing my shoulder. "I'll get you both some, too." She wagged a finger towards her brother. "Don't pressure her whilst I'm gone."

He raised his hands in defence. "Okay, calm down, sestra (sister). I'll be fair."

She lowered her finger, shot him a final look, then smiled at me before leaving for the café next door. I chuckled at how cute she was and how much she cared before returning my attention to Pietro.

"I won't pressure you," he said to me, perching on the edge of an empty desk. "I just want you to know that you'd be well looked after here. I wouldn't let anyone talk down to you, nor treat you with disrespect because you're a woman. I don't condone that here."

I relaxed at his words, offering him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Pietro. That really means a lot."

He returned the smile before his gaze moved over my shoulder. Smile fading, he cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away. I turned around, curious to what had caught his attention, and then I saw Y/B/N standing in the doorway, looking around for something. His eyes eventually fell on me and he perked up before heading our way.

I hadn't spoken to him since two nights ago after dinner. He'd actively avoided me, too and I wasn't complaining, having still harboured an unexplainable anger for him. What was he doing here?

"Y/N, hey," he said awkwardly, stopping before Pietro and I. His eyes flickered to Pietro before he asked me, "Can I speak with you?"

Instinctively, my jaw clenched and he seemed to notice as he shook his head quickly.

"Not to argue," he clarified. "Just to talk."

His eyes were pleading and I couldn't find it in myself to deny him. He was my brother after all, we couldn't argue forever. Nodding wordlessly, I smiled apologetically to Pietro before following Y/B/N to a quiet side of the room. My eyes ran along the many employees working away at their desks before falling to my brother before me.

"What is it?" I asked, maybe a little too harshly, but there was no going back now.

He frowned, eyes flittering around nervously. "I want to apologise for my behaviour the other night. I shouldn't have acted how I did."

I hugged myself as I shifted my weight between my feet. "Okay."

"You were right," he continued, finally meeting my eyes. "You deserve this. You've always been there for me, helping me with my writing when I needed it. I should have reacted better, but I let my jealousy get the better of me."

My mouth opened, surprised at his apology.

He offered me a sad smile. "The truth is, Y/N, we both know you'll be the more successful of us both. And you'll be so preoccupied with your own writing that you won't be able to help me anymore. And it was selfish of me to think that first, but I did. And I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'm your big brother and I should've been better."

Chewing on my lip, I let go of waist and straightened up, nodding slightly. "I– thanks. Thank you. For telling me that."

His shoulders relaxed as he nodded. "Also, you were right about what you said about Wanda. And I'm going to apologise to her first thing."

My expression softened at the mention of the girl who'd only ever been good to us. "She's seriously talented, Y/B/N."

"I know."

I nodded, stepping forward and resting a hand on his shoulder. Looking between his eyes, I only saw regret and I knew he was being genuine with his apology.

"You're forgiven," I told him with a small smile, before pulling him in for a quick hug.

He returned it and I felt relieved to know he was supportive. I didn't see a reason to not accept Pietro's deal now... everybody I cared about was okay with it.

"Wanda is here by the way," I told Y/B/N when we pulled apart. "She's just getting some coffee for us."

He nodded and we returned to Pietro, who gave me a concerned look. I smiled reassuringly and he relaxed before looking to my brother with a smile.

"Hey, Pietro, sorry for what I said last night," Y/B/N was quick to say. "It wasn't cool. I know you're not like that and I shouldn't have even thought it, let alone said it."

Pietro was one of the chillest people I'd met as he offered his hand out to my brother. "No worries, mate. Bygones."

They exchanged a handshake before my brother glanced to me.

"She's really good," he said to Pietro. "You'd be lucky to have her here."

My face heated up as Pietro nodded in agreement. The two of them looked to me with proud smiles and as uncomfortable as I felt with the attention, I was grateful to have their support.

"I know," Pietro said. "All she's got to do is say yes."

"You haven't said yes yet?" my brother asked with disbelief, before slapping me on the arm playfully. "Y/N! This is your chance!"

"And it's a big decision!" I reminded him.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but then I caught sight of Wanda over his shoulder and perked up. She smiled my way but then noticed Y/B/N's presence and proceeded with caution.

"Hey, I got you both a coffee," she said, giving Pietro his and handing me mine, but her eyes were searching mine with worry.

My hand brushed hers as I accepted my coffee and I squeezed it reassuringly. She seemed to believe me as her lips twitched into a small smile before looking to Y/B/N.

"Hey," she said to him quietly, biting her lip.

He glanced to me for encouragement and I gave him a subtle thumbs up. This seemed to help as he wiped his hands on his trousers before looking to Wanda hopefully.

"Hey," he finally spoke. "Please can we talk in private for a moment?"

She nodded, humming in response, and followed him to talk.

"Match made in heaven those two," Pietro said sarcastically, and I tried not to laugh, but damn was it funny.

"Look, I think I've made a decision," I said after a moment, feeling my heart speed up at the realisation of my next words.

"Oh? And what is it? Will you let me publish you?" Pietro asked, quirking a brow and watching me with an excited smile.

Well, there was only the future to look forward to now.

I grinned. "Yes."

#wanda maximoff au #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #scarlet witch #scarlet witch imagine #elizabeth olsen x you #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #marvel #mcu

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buckys-little-hoe · 4 years

Text

bad idea | Pietro x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Pietro x Fem!Reader

Summary: It was a bad idea. You should have never played with fire but maybe you like to get burned.

Warnings: It has a bit Smut, so there are vaginas, penises and butts. Mention of a knife. Reader drinking Alcohol. Angsty. Paprikash.

A/N: I just couldn’t get myself to write something longer, I hope you guys forgive me. Also I haven’t read over it yet but wanted to publish it. So there may be mistakes (Like always lol)

“Shut up.”, you groan and turn around. But it’s not possible to concentrate on your file if that dumbass always bothers you. You don’t even know why he does that, you never did anything to him, which is a wonder considering how much you like to fool around. But he… He was different, because he didn’t fool around, he straight up started a war without any reason.

No matter where you were, he was always around, making nasty comments about you that made your blood boil. Saying that you were just another pretty face, not even knowing what you are capable of. It is nerve wracking. You just always hold back. You are an Avenger because you wanna do the right thing, not because you need to prove something to someone. So you always bite your lip, acting like you don’t care even though deep down you do. “What are you trying to do anyway? Poison us?”, he asks with his dumb accent that makes you swoon. It really shouldn’t. Pietro is an ass, he has a loud mouth, always stating his opinion - which would be good, if it wouldn’t be always something negative about you. Truth be told, he has a loud mouth but he knows how to best use it. For some reason you lay under him almost every night and for some other reason he doesn’t want others to know, which is why he talks about you so badly. And it works. He probably doesn’t want them to know because everyone sees you as the innocent, naive little girl. If they’d know, they would probably kill him. Especially Tony, Bucky and Steve seem to see you as someone that needs protection, just because they know how guys tick. And maybe they are right, because Pietro treats you like shit outside of his room. But you love it, the roughness, the tension just everything. And you’d do anything for the amazing Sex, even acting like you despise your secret lover. “I thought you knew better, Maximoff. I’d only poison you.” You smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Of course, prinţesă.”, he answers sarcastically and reaches for the wooden spoon. You slap his hand away. “Don’t you dare.”, you say softly but angriness sparkles in your eyes. He just puts his hands up, grins and backs slowly away, only to bump into Wanda. “Oh sorry, Wanda.” He swallows and leaves the kitchen. “Is he doing it again?”, she asks and you adore her sweetness. She found out about you two pretty quickly. How couldn’t she? Always reading other people's thoughts, like c’mon, where’s the fun in that? She also learned pretty quickly that there is no way to talk you out of this. Not when you made up your mind already. You’re really stubborn. “Yup. Do you wanna taste it?”, you reply with a shrug, not wanting to show how bad it makes you feel. “Sure!” The red haired girl smiles and takes a spoon. She takes a bit of your creation and tastes it. “Mhhhm. Maybe some more Paprikash.” She gives you her advice and you nod. “Good idea, Wanda.” So you add more.

Soft moans escape your parted lips as he leaves your mouth to trail kisses down your body. “Such pretty noises for me, prinţesă.”, he mumbles, his accent even heavier. You automatically press your thighs together to release some friction, but he parts them with only one hand. “Please…”, you whisper, desperately for his touch. You’d take anything he would give to you. “You’re so needy, Y/N.” He grins while falling on his knees. He puts one of your legs over his shoulder and softly kisses your covered heat. You gasp and pull on a few silver strands of hair. “Did I say you’re allowed to touch me?”, he says sternly. You shake your head. “No… You did not.” He stands up again and grips your jaw. “Stupid little thing. Forgetting the rules.”, he grumbles. You look into his eyes, trying to find an answer for all of this, but is there even one? “Wanted to make you a little gift, but you don’t deserve it…” He harshly pulls on your hair, turns you around and bends you over his desk. Pens are pressing into your skin and it hurts but you like it. You love it. You can feel his hand lingering on your waist, while the other one is tangled in your hair. “You’re gonna come all over my cock, huh? Because you’re my little cockslut, right Y/N?’, he asks, slightly rubbing his covered erection over your wet pussy. “Fuck…”, you mumble, almost drooling on the wood. “Fuck!”, you now shriek when he slaps your ass harshly. “I want an answer, prinţesă.” “Yes, I am your cockslut, Pietro!”, you answer and he softly rubs over his handmark on your ass. “Good girl.” And when he pulls your soaked panties to the side you quickly hold on to the edge of the desk. “Gonna fill you up so good.”, he murmurs and grinds down on you. You moan at the feeling of his bulge, covered in jeans.

The next morning you stand in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the team, completely forgetting the hand marks on your neck. Normally you’d cover them with your hair but today you forget and put your hair up in a messy bun. “I’m hopelessly devoted to you.”, you sing quietly to the tune that comes out of your headphones, being completely oblivious to your friends standing in the doorway, discussing the mark. “She’s a grown ass woman, Tony.”, Natasha sighs, trying to defend you. “But what if it came from a fight or something?”, Steve says concerned. Wanda raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “You do know that she is capable of defending herself?” You slowly sink your head, one headphone hanging in your shirt now. “We know, Wanda. It’s just horrifying to think that someone would touch her like that.” Bucky interferes now. “Maybe she just likes rough Sex.”, Natasha says sternly, hoping that the discussion would end now. “As if anyone would touch her. At least not without disinfecting every two seconds.”, Pietro jokes and your heart drops. That stung. Secretly you grab a bottle of wine, knowing exactly what to do. You let the knife fall into the sink and walk to your bathroom, not turning around once. Wanda tries to walk after you but you hurl her back with your powers. You stopped caring, only wanting to numb the pain. So you lock the door, sit down in the bathtub and open the bottle, pouring everything down your throat. You let your head fall onto the edge, directly glancing into the mirror on the ceiling. Your nose is red and tears glisten in your eyes. You just let them roll down, knowing that this isn’t the first time, but it’ll definitely be the last time your heart got broken.

#marvel #pietro maximoff #pietro maximoff x reader #pietro maximoff x y/n #pietro maximoff x you #pietro maximoff x fem!reader #platonic!avengers x reader #platonic!avengers x you #platonic!avengers x y/n #pietro maximoff smut #pietro maximoff angst #mcu #pietro maximoff oneshot

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