#i am sorry i cant properly explain why i feel that way i hope u understand somewhat at least *snigfle*

[potatobugz]

Noelle Holiday? (Yes this is a bingo request that I guess is a semi-sequel to the previous one for Susie)

thgey call her noelle holiday the way she. brightens up. your day

[jennaissantes]

homophobia issue …

first of all,,, im bisexual!! so if anyone has a problem with that, please get off my blog. i will not be tolerating homophobia of any kind.

i really, really didn’t want to have to come out in this way, bc the situation is so bad right now. i really didnt expect enhablr to be facing this kind of a problem.

when i first heard about the issue, i was thoroughly shocked. like completely.

before anything, ill let you all read the definition of homophobia.

“discrimination” “dislike against the community” this. disrespect falls in the category of homophobia as well.

now to address the issue at hand. i wasnt directly involved in this problem. some of you may even be wondering why im making a post about it.

but as a part of the lgbtq community, i think id like to speak what i feel about this.

the situation we heard about was that an enhablr writer, had written dni: lgbtq in their account, which literally anyone would be surprised or angry at, especially if you belong to the community.

OP’s friend, who had recently become my mutual, was defending OP’s actions, which made me think of unfollowing them and i wanted to unfriend them. but then i found out it involves religion.

religion is a very sensitive topic for everyone and could go wrong in multiple ways. i respect all religions and beliefs.

so i texted OP’s friend, asking about the situation at hand, in case it was a misunderstanding.

i am aware that the quran forbids acting on gay feelings. it teaches you to not accept the gay ‘Lot’. (i have done my reading on this topic so i rlly hope im not saying anything out of line. if i am, please forgive me.)

but as far as i know, and have heard from my other islamic friends, the quran also tells you to respect and love everyone, no matter what they are or identify as. respect and acceptance are two different things. islam doe not encourage lgbtq, but doesnt tell u to NOT respect people of every kind.

if what they say is correct, then being on tumblr and reading and writing fanfictions is very much considered as haram as well.

in the above conversation, i texted them wanting to hear their side of the story as well. OP’s friend constantly used the word ‘opinion’ along with ‘belief’.

now, opinion and beliefs are two different things. opinion is something that YOU FOLLOW on your own will. belief is something that your religion teaches you to follow, against your will or not. you can notice OP’s friend has used the word opinion quite a lot.

OP’s friend had received an ask and this was their response.

‘everybody has their own opinion.’

again, the word opinion is used here, which conveys to us that they’re not wanting to interact with lgbtq community on their own accord.

i tried to explain that most of us get enough hate for being a part of the lgbtq community, and seeing dni:lgbtq, doesnt make it any better.

now, about OP.

when OP was answering asks, most of their answers were very mixed up,

in the third picture, you’ll see ive highlighted a sentence.

they say THEY DONT LIKE lgbtq. usage of first person is used. “i don’t like what they’re doing” which conveys their opinion on the community.

in the first picture, they claim that if tumblr was only lgbtq people, they’d never stay. how mean is that?

second slide, ‘escaping them’ escaping us????????? what does that even mean.

there was another pic, (that i cant add rn bc tumblr has an image limit), where they said “why do people have a problem w us saying dni lgbtq but no one has a problem if people say dni homophobic?”

… are they being for real.

i genuinely dont think they understand the situation properly. they keep saying the same thing, and mixing up opinions and beliefs.

the replies under OP’s pinned post were terrible. people said things like “im so sorry. what they’re doing is so fucking messed up.” we wouldn’t call out people for no reason just like that???

extra info: OP had written a suggestive niki fic before too.

people of the lgbtq community are humans too. it doesnt make us any different from everyone. please stop treating anyone differently, we are all of the same bone. spread positivity and happiness, not this negative energy.

please feel free to dm me if you’d like to rant abt anything! im here to listen anytime ❤️

please reblog this!

tagging mutuals: @haknom @amakumos @soov @soobnny @dazed-hee @chiyuv @delcakoo @dearheemain @kimsohn @goldenhypen @wonieleles @jaeyunverse @haerinz @hanniluvi [my head is poundinggggg rn so im sorry if i forgot anyone!]

[violentviolette]

How do u cope with perceived rejection? I'm at the point rn where I don't want to leave the house bc I don't want to interact with anyone anymore.

oof, that sucks. im sorry anon.

honestly for me its a combo of a lot of little things and techniques but also its still hard sometimes. I also don't have any issue when it comes to strangers. I dont care if random people don't like or reject me or think negatively of me I only care if the people I care about and want to like me don't like me. if that makes sense? so sorry if some of this isnt as helpful for those kinds of situations

but okay so my main steps are usually firstly reminding myself that I'm not that important in peoples lives. and I dont mean that in a self depreciating way so just stay with me. most people are self centered in that were all the most important person to ourselves, we live in our own brains and with our own thoughts 24/7 and so were constantly thinking about ourselves and our behavior and our life and all the things going on in it that are important to us. and like thats a good normal thing but that also means that so is everyone else. no one is paying as much attention to me and what im doing as I am, because theyre paying attention to themselves.

so I remind myself of that and remind myself that most people have a lot going on that has nothing to do with me and so their bad mood or their quietness or their weird vibe isnt them hating and rejecting me, it just means theyre upset and theres a millions reasons why that could be that are more important to them than some little thing i did.

next up is that whatever the most mundane and casual explination that exists is, is probably the truth. and even if i truly think it isnt, i act as if it is until someone directly tells me otherwise. is someone not talking to me today or hasnt replied in hours? theyre probably really busy at work or eating or showering or maybe their phone is dead, and it helps me to ask myself “well when are some times ive taken 2 hours to respond and why was that” and if im being actually honest with myself i will find times when i have behaved the same but wasnt mad at someone or rejecting them. so i always force myself to believe the mundane solution, which helps me not act on any of my feelings.

because even if i really cant believe it in the moment, i can act like i do. so say someone hasnt talked to me and i feel like theyre rejecting me, i tell myself its just because theyre busy and not because theyre mad and force myself to act accodingly. i message them a normal amount and i dont mention my feelings or suspicions and then eventually they always talk to me again like normal and then i can be like “see, eveyrthing was fine and we were just being crazy. glad i didnt do anything about it”

only act on direct information, never assumptions. i act like nothing is wrong until someone directly tells me it is, because i dont live in their head and i cant read their thoughts. i dont truly know how they’re thinking and feeling until they tell me. (and for all u other aspd and npd assholes out there NO U DONT. genuinly and honestly. people are always capable of surprising us and even when we think we have them nailed and know exactly what their thinking, even if were right, u cannot just assume someones thoughts and take it as fact. its disordered and unhealthy and u need to stop doing it if u want better relationships with others) and if they haven’t directly told me something is wrong, then they haven’t communicated properly and that is on them. i dont read into vagueposts or status updates or tweets or level of activity or anything. i notice all of it because my brain is crazy but i force myself to ignore everything except the direct words someone says to me.

is their discord status something super upset that i think vaguely relates to me? that means nothing what was the last thing they said to me? oh that they love me and then we had a totally normal interaction. thats whats the truth, and if they were lying and they actually are mad at me, then thats on them for literally communicating the exact opposite of their feelings.

and lastly, if its people who ur close with, u can also ask for reassurance or validation in a way that doesnt accuse them of doing anything wrong. i will often go to my wife and instead of being like “are u mad at me?” or something i’ll say “im feeling really fragile today can u help reassure me that u love me and that im good?” or “I know u love me but can u tell me again i need to hear it extra today” or if its a friend sometimes i’ll say “hey im feeling kind of insecure and anixious today, when u get a chance could u reassure me that we’re still friends?” or literally just coming in the chat like “hello friends i require validation today” and then people will repsond with emojis and “god mood” and i will feel better

these are good ways to ask for support because they dont put any blame or onus on the other person, its about u and ur feelings, and usually if its people who care about u they’ll have no problem doing that. my friends and i tell eachother very often that we love and care about and genuinly like one another because reassurance and validation is Good and it should be a normal part of ur relationships. (no one insert a screenshot of that time ryo said he was feeling paranoid we hated him so i instantly sent him screenshots of my dms about my crush on him i will skin u)

but yea. those are the main things i do and tell myself and sorry this got so long but i dont know how to explain things like this without a million words lol i hope that made sense and that some of it was helpfull for u

[omisbreakfast]

i rank every summer outfits from a3! because??

because i can. also fuck you.

the first version of this was deleted by tumblr in my drafts and now i have to re write it entirely and i fucking hate it here... anyways.

i’m biased as fuck

sorry it’s a long post

harugumi :

itaru : yeah no actually it’s pretty fine. ngl itaru is kinda hot when he dress correctly so there’s that. also, he’s often in pink. it suits him, but i don’t like it. still.... cute. but it’s also itaru so not too much praises. 9/10

citron : why.......... the shoes.... what the fuck are those shoes.... where did you even find them..... do you wanna fight or something.... this fills me with rage... you’ve disappointed me, citron... also hate the shirt. 3/10

tsuzuru : casual, soft, classic boy... nothing much to say here. but WHY THE FUCKING HAT??? IT RUINS EVERYTHING...... at least wear it correctly PLEASE. YOU DUMABSS. and the shoes would have been better in another color. i just,,,,, why tsuzuru, why the hat... 4/10

sakuya : i can’t bring myself to say bad things about sakuya. (also the fact that i don’t remember what i wrote before the first version of this post got deleted in my drafts pisses me off) but like,,, he’s cute. i mean it’s a classic outfit. tho the choice of the shirt is questionable as fuck. also HES SO TINY BABY. 6/10

masumi : yeah no actually i like it. i really like the shirt for some reason, it suits him. BUT BUT BUT the pants looks weird as hell LMAO?? like... it makes him looks like a crotch less ken doll??? it’s,,, really weird. also the shoes are.... hmmm.... overall good balance but there’s some weird stuffs going on. 7/10

chikage : garbage boy stink man. fucking looks like a rich white boy coming home from tennis and i fucking hate it here ™ if i’m objective about this it’s actually NOT bad but it loses several points for the sole reason that it’s fucking chikage and i won’t take shit for it. 6/10

natsugumi :

kazunari : why. why do you do this. why. why. how am i supposed to ever learn how to love when you backstab me like this, kaz ? what do we do now ? i trusted you and you betrayed me. i can never find love ever again............ yeah ok. pls let’s skip to the next one.... 2/10 (and two points is because it’s kaz and i just can’t bring myself to truly hate him.)

yuki : it’s not bad but i hate this dress. like. his outfits are usually ok but this? no. YOU LOOK LIKE A GOOD CHRISTIAN BOY, DAMN IT YUKI. are YOU GOING TO CHURCH TO PRAISE THE LORD TODAY TOO? also the colour of it... no. 4/10

tenma : congrats you rich boy you finally have a decent outfit ! though i don’t understand the concept of your zip being infront but ok. bet his stans like it smh. also i like the color of his jacket. very nice. 8/10

muku : baby i love u so much but u look like the pinterest girls who take aesthetic pictures in flowers fields and are smiling like the sun @ the camera.......... which is not per se but it’s a whole vibe. also stop wearing orange. it doesn’t go with your hair well........ ilu cutie. 8/10

misumi : my sweet boy. why are you wearing an hoodie with a jacket. why. it’s summer you idiot. you’ll get overheated. stop. but overall he looks very nice. idk i just think he’s neat......... i. i love u @ misumi. 9/10 (don’t look at me)

kumon : he... he looks like.... a j-j-j*ck..... which he is............... i just........... oh my god. i love kumon but he IS a jock i JUST ???? LALFKGKK. also his fucking shoes makes me lose my mind because this is so fucking bullshit ???? so ugly it hurts my eyes.... he’s lucky he’s a good boy. 4/10

akigumi :

juza : nah he hot as hell in this pass on it. if you’re asking yourself why he looks so good, here’s your answer : his arms. his arms are great. i can excuse his sandales this time cuz IT IS summer but yeah. yeah no he’s cute and- yeah. ok. yeah. hm hm. 9.5/10

taichi : so the thing with taichi is that his style is NOT bad per se but like. he’s a skater boy. so my standards are already very low for him,,,, like no offence i love taichi so much but,,,, that’s how it be.... his shirts are usually so big he looks like a GOD DAMN FLAG i can’t with this. and i don’t like how baggy his pants are but yeah,,,, it’s just a whole look.... anyways................ 6/10

omi : in which yosei boys decided to fucking test my patience by putting on classic, good looking clothes and decided to absolutely ruin my entire hopes and dreams (if i’m being dramatic ? no i am not.) AND their WHOLE outfits adding an useless stupid fucking hat thay doesnt seems even to be worn properly. omi, tsuzuru, you’ll pay for this. 7/10

sakyo : (i’m tired as heck and i almost forgot about sakyo when he’s right in the middle) actually i like this. it’s color coordinated and i think that’s very nice. but i wish his pants would have been a little bit longer. yeah no that’s it for real. also idk what’s about this outfit but he really shows how skinny he really is LMAOOO. shithead sakyo. 8/10

azami : the thing about azami is that usually his upper half is pretty well dressed, or whatever, but when we look at his pants/shoes its where everything goes to shit. Like ???? what the fuck man you could have done so much better if you didn’t decide to put this gigantic pants who looks like you’re gonna fly with it or fucking whatever (i don’t need to make sense i’m TIRED) also his shoes bothers me. can’t believe he’s fucking 15 like shut up. 6/10

banri : ...... *inhales* FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU. fuck you and your ugly ass little hat and your zombie like haircut i. fucking despise you. if he were standing right infront of me, no he wouldn’t be because he would deck him so hard. YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY CLOTHES AND THE TIME TO TRY AND MAKE IT LOOK GOOD ?? SO WHY???? what’s going on in your ugly ass little head bitch. THANK YOU god he isn’t wearing any animal prints in this, thats one thing. imagine this awful outfit with the ugly shoes and stUPID FUCKING HAT that i hate, with a leopard print shirt.... yeah cursed. i know. sorry banri stans i cant hear you over the sound of your man fishing with joe and bertrand on a sunday morning at 6am. 3/10

fuyugumi :

tasuku : ... idk man. he’s just there. why is... his shoes... so flashy........ bruh...... also he looks like a very straight man and idk how to feel about this. we know u gay bitch. 7/10

hisoka : except for the fucking weird ass pants it’s actually ok. he looks.... very comfy. 10/10 would CUDDLE...... pls hisoka.... i’m tired... fluffy boy..... ugh..... i don’t have much to say about this ok he just.... spare some cuddles. 7/10

actually i like it. well. there’s two things that bothers me. GREEN. DOESN’T. SUIT. HIM. PERIOD. if u think otherwise i’m sorry. it’s just awful with his purple hair (or whatever color it is) imo. and the second..... the square should have been a triangle. i won’t take no’s. 8.5/10

tsumugi : ngl tsumugi gives me little lost boy looking for his mommy vibes. at first i thought it was his outfits but no, it’s just his face. and this ? doesn’t make it better. idk how to explain but how he wears his shirt makes it look like he’s floating and it’s kinda cute in a... special way. he’s just a very sweet boy. 7/10

azuma : i can’t bring myself to even say bad things about azuma... it’s physical. i just can’t. i have a theory his power is that strong and therefore i cannot critizice this beauty. he just. is. ya know........ sigh...... 9/10

guy : if he dresses like this, that’s.... that’s not your man, ladies. that’s your loving, hardworking and dedicated husband who just went to pick some flowers in the prairies next to your little farm in the middle of the nowhere but who’s still paradise on earth cuz it’s the two of you and you couldn’t ask for anything more. deadass. fucking peasants. 4/10

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

[boymeetsweevil]

[1/?] I waited for when u posted all of For Science and I just finished binge reading it all and I Love Ur Writing So Much. I literally cannot begin to explain how much I love it, I feel like anything I say will just sound redundant/cliché and no words can express how much I enjoyed this story but I genuinely mean everything: I loved all the character development and relationship developments for starters!!! obviously OC and Jungkook’s but also how OC and Tae and Hobi and Yoori became so tight-

when Jungkook left!!!! because at first it was kinda like she was all about Jungkook and I almost felt bad for Tae and Hobi when she saw them as kinda secondary? but I love how that changed by the end! and I like how Yoori and the nerd squad are closer now, not too polite and more comfortable around each other! even tho I was kinda annoyed at Yoori when she implied Hobi and Tae were kinda inferior to her and OC before but they’re all close now so that’s all that matters I guess lol!! I also really love how there were no boring or slow parts to ur writing, like no unnecessary waffling or description or anything. not to say that u didn’t describe enough or something, it was the perfect amount! I just don’t like when narratives drag and I’m like okay what next lol imo ur writing was just?? Great??? like I can’t fault it now that I’m thinking back? I really love all the relationships with each other and how u resolved everything in a way that doesn’t seem forced or awkward or cliché, like even when OC found out Hobi liked her it could’ve been hella awkward after and he could’ve just went off and they wouldn’t be friends anymore but I love the direction u took this story in! it was so refreshing to me and entertaining to read! u steered thru the whole story well, especially when Jungkook came back. I was pissed at him, rightfully so in OC’s shoes lol, but I like how long FS 7 was and I liked how the slowburn really showed the development and rebuilding of their relationship. if it happened too quickly I was gonna slap myself (OC) for that, and also think ‘wtf we didnt come this far just to jump back into his arms’. literally as I was reading FS 7 I honestly thought to myself “make jungkook work for it” LMAO AND OC DID so I’m satisfied lol!! also the reconciliation scenes with Hobi, Tae and Yoori didn’t seem cliché or dramatic to me if u were worried about that (going off on ur warnings of that chapter) it felt like the right--FUCK MY INTERNET it said part 6 of this long love message to u couldn’t be sent and I can’t entirely remember what I got up to saying 😩 I think I was saying -it wasn’t too cliché or awkward (I cant remember what now but pls know I mean it, I just have bad memory and I’m writing this in real time so minutes have passed between each ask oKaY. I’m just gonna move on) also I love how everything ended with JK and OC’s relationship, but I also love the nerd squad’s relationship and I’m gonna miss their whole group dynamic 😩 sorry i’ve sent so many asks already but as much as I love a good romance, I really love ensemble fics so much (is that even a thing? do u know what I mean? lol) but only when it’s done right! aka when OC has a good/close relationship with all of them/them with each other, and I feel like u portrayed that really well so I love it!!! I love all the characters’ individual personalities too and despite being different in some aspects, they’re still friends. ALSO (I remembered some of what I originally said before that ask was lost) I love their banter and how they have friday game nights and how they’re all so comfortable with each other!!!! okay I’ll stop gushing about the nerd squad now lol hsjfjdj. I can’t remember exactly how I came across ur account, I think I prob saw someone rec FS and I decided to follow and wait until all the parts were out to read (I’m sorry I just love binge reading It’s Who I Am) but I’m so glad I came across u and this story and that I read it :’) lately I feel like I’ve kinda been in a reading slump, if I can even call it that? lol I just feel like anything I read these days doesn’t make me Feel Things anymore so I’m always trying to find good stuff to read but FS made me Feel Things!!! not even just Smutty Things but I genuinely enjoyed the plot, characters, setting, tropes, development, relationships, everything in this fic!!! so thank u for sharing ur wonderful writing with us :^) also I’m sorry this is so long I just properly wanted to convey how much I enjoyed this story thru this love letter for u 💌 I still feel like I prob couldve said things better but I suck with words, take me as I am!!! p.s. pls dont think FS is a flop, idk why there arent as many notes for FS 7 but judging by the notes of previous parts (which is A Lot wowie), maybe it takes some time? FS is definitely one of my fave stories I’ve read tho, i hope u know that 💖 (forget notes, remember MY LOVE!!!)

I really can’t get over this I want to save it and frame it. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out and please don’t apologize for the length, there’s more to appreciate. I’m really grateful for this type of feedback you have no idea. I’m super glad you enjoyed it and that it didn’t fall into your slump. Its a huge goal of mine to be able to make things that people can come back to and continue to enjoy even if they know the plot already. I promise I’m not obsessing and torturing myself over the notes, its more like I’m obsessing over whether or not this thing that I put out into the tumblr universe will have any effect you know? This ask is super reaffirming because I feel like ppl forget sometimes that even if someone isn’t making their first fic, each time you post something is a little piece of something you worked on and putting that out doesn’t get that much easier for me. LONG story short thank you for this and I love you!! I’ve been avoiding my ask box because of finals but im looking through it now and theres so much kindness. thank you so much  

[kenmaiii]

stop being jealous and bitter!

Now i know you cant outright just throw away your jealousy in the art community. You see a really cool popular artist or just someone with absolutely amzing art and you think “wow holy shit their art is so good i wish that was me and that i could do that....” I understand that spite can be a good thing sometimes; it can be what motivates you to improve and do well, especially if the artist is well... not the best person in terms of personality. Great, that’s even more motivation to do well right!? 

But when does all the comparing go too far?

----------------------------------------long post incoming------------------------------------------

Now i’ve had people very close to me do this. I’ve been told that im ‘popular’ which im honestly not seriously. They could probably be reading this right now, but this has been bothering me for awhile so i must get this out there. Let’s step into a certain mindset for a moment:-

You hate your artwork. You hate your current skills. Sure there are artists you like. But then there are ‘THOSE’ ones. You have very specific artists you follow just because theyre so good and popular they make you feel bitter and you still check up on them regularly to fuel that bitterness. You know good and well that they make you bitter and angry and peeved but you just keep going back.

Step back for a moment and think.... why on earth am i fucking doing this???? Comparing and feeling bitter about another persons skill or popularity and letting yourself stay sad and bitter isn’t good for ANYTHING, art aside. It’s good to want to feel validated at the work you spent time on but it WILL get tiring if you keep complaining that ‘your art is bad’, ‘your art isnt good’, ‘its shit’ or ‘garbage’. Your brain is just internalizing that and hindering your work and future improvement. It’s most importantly WASTING YOUR own time, YOU the creator. And not to sound snobby here, i really truly dont intend for that, but some of you know good and well that you keep belitting you work because you only just want people to compliment your art when youre only doing the bare minimum to improve! I can only tell you as a friend or an on-looker that i love your art so many times (as much i really do love it and hope for your improvement) if you continuously decide to still turn around and say you hate your work and tell me im wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why reach for compliments then! Why continuously turn them down?

And i’m not saying you cant ever not like your art (cause it happens) or decline a compliment, but to do it every single time....it leaves a bad image for your work. You either start to believe it, or the person complimenting you will get put off from your negativity!  

It makes people feel bad, especially if theyre also artist AND also your friends. You can’t keep saying you prefer their work and still put down your own. It makes your artist friend uncomfortable. They might not know how to respond when you keep doing it. And im sure they wouldnt want you to keep making yourself feel bad. Personally, i wish all my art friends success and improvement, and i want them to love and feel proud of their work more than the times they hate it. We really need to uplift each other as artists.

Thanks.

What you think and say is what you become and if youre always negative and comparing youre gonna tear down both the person you admire and yourself. Ie, if youre constantly thinking ‘ill never be as good as this person’,’no ones ever gonna like my work’, ‘i cant color as well as they do’ or saying that your work is only ever garbage... newsflash asshole! your mind absorbs that negativity and makes you believe it! u fool!!!!! Because brains are stupid and can be your worst enemy at times! 

Sometimes you just need to stOP looking at certain peoples work completely if it gets you that bitter or angry or sad. Unfollow them! Block them! Delete their name from your search history if you have to! Stop hurting yourself and forget about them, it’s like trying to think about an ex thats moved on. Pointless.

Negative emotions such as sadness and anger are our brains direct ways at trying to reach out to ourselves.

You: seeing cool art Your mind: remembering you dont have some of those skills or popularity + comparing = sadness/ anger/ bitterness at not being able to be at that lvl withtin the same timeframe or less

Your brain is trying to tell you to fix this! But you know you might not have the tools to gain that much popularity or become so good at anatomy, coloring , compositions or backgrounds overnight, so the only solution for your brain is to self-sabotage.

It’s just the same as suddenly feeling sad for no reason. It’s your mind trying to work out a problem you never resolved. Maybe your friends haven’t replied in awhile and you feel ignored. Or you subconsciously remembered a bad experience without really realizing. You’ll get sad. Your mind is is saying ‘Hey asshole im sad. I know it might be out of your control but I’ll stay sad about this one thing until you resolve it somehow. ’ (whether it be blindly distracting yourself on purpose or fully wallowing in the feelings)

So we realized youre feeling intensely about this persons work vs your own...then what exactly happened there? The answer is pretty simple. Some kind of information processing happened in your brain. The result of this processing made the your mind conclude that one of your existing problems (art in this case) can never be solved; whether conscious or unconscious, and this explains why your mood might change all of a sudden without any kind of warning signs (in relation to what you saw). 

Inspired VS Jealousy When youre inspired youre working against yourself in a GOOD way. You’re feeling motivated to make something great! Youre feeling motivated to make something better than the last piece!! And honestly thats wonderful!!!  That is a lot nicer than being in art-block, comparison negativity hell.

YOU are the only one responsible for where you are as an artist. That goes towards every artist of every skill level! There’s always someone better than you and there’s always someone worse than you. People get better at art in different intervals depending on how much they take in or put into practicing. Some people just get some concepts and fundamentals a lot easier and quicker than others but that doesn’t mean they naturally had that ability from birth. They put in the work just as you should be doing instead of feeling so intensely negative! But when you’re jealous and negative all the time, that’s when it starts to go downhill. :/

Jealously is a very human emotion at its core. And im not saying its super easy to deal with and just suddenly get over, but there are things you can do to slowly help yourself do it at least a little less.

Here’s the best things you CAN do instead:- - Write down some of the things you find yourself feeling bitter over about, especially when you look at another artists work? Ask yourself why these specific things? If it’s something you yourself can work on in your own pieces then maybe uh do that?  - Find the time to practice your work. - Practice even more. - If it’s your style that you arent happy with think of the artstyles you like and set aside time to mimic the way that artist might draw something (hence adding that to YOUR style). Take a sketchbook page or two and just draw entirely in those styles. - Practice. I can’t stress this enough. I know artists say this a lot and it can kind of just be thrown around carelessly, but if you keep putting this off and saying you don’t want to practice or talking about how time is going by when you should be practicing things.... and STILL refuse to practice then???? I cant help you sorry. Time waits for no one, so sometimes you need to grab time by the horns and kick its ass for awhile. Put in that effort! - Please use references. Even better if you use it nearly EVERYTIME you draw something, especially yknow...if its a pose, body part or background that you know you have no idea how to properly express! Find a stock image or a variety of websites to use! Save poses that you like from online magazines, other artists and photographs you see anywhere online. I like to look at online magazines from other countries or photographers, and there are tons of places like pinterest or instagram and whatnot. - Stop comparing and being bitter. Ii cant say this enough it gets me so ticked off, but my stubborn taurus self refuses to fully go off until it all piles up and this post is the result lol. If you know you can’t let go hating on a certain artist (for no good reason) then dont hate-follow them! Don’t check up on their work constantly! Don’t even talk about them!!!!!!! Try to get them out of your head for goodness sakes. Majority of the time they dont even know who YOU are so why are you worried about what they’re up to. - STOP SHITTING ON YOUR OWN WORK. - STOP IT RIGHT NOW. - AS THE ARTIST SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY ‘’hey, my work isn’t exactly where i want it to be at this point in time and it may never be but i can appreciate that i’ve gotten better at a lot of things and im better than where i was a few years/ a year/ a month ago/ even weeks ago.” - ”I’m proud of this piece and can’t wait to get even better.” - Art is a struggle that takes time, effort and a lot of work. There’s always going to be someone better than you and there’s always going to be someone worse than you. You can only strive to get to the level that would make you happiest, otherwise you will get irritated with it and feel absolutely miserable about everything you produce. - PUT IN THE WORK TO GET YOUR ART OUT THERE. Social media has been both a curse and a blessing to artists all around. It’s made it easier for us to share our work around and opened paths for making money online and at home and connecting with other artists, but competition grows everyday as more people post their work in the same market. (ie another reason why it can be hard to get your commissions out there) Also as artists we want that dopamine rush you get from people liking your stuff, i get that its gucci. -But if you aren’t tagging your works well, posting somewhat consistently, not really bothering to talk to people in certain art communities (even people in your fandom because hey potential friends and even partners on future projects), not adding your works to groups (a big problem i see with people on places like deviantart mostly), joining and sharing them in art group chats/aminos/discords, joining events to get yourself out there (such as zines/big bangs/gift exchanges etc), giving tips and advice or even little helpful tutorials to people then how do you expect to be noticed? How.  If youre not doing at least TWO of these things then hoW can you complain about not getting attention. :(

 Of course you dont have to do ALL of this. Im just saying ...if you arent out there advertising how will more people know about you? This leads to you thinking no one likes your art (skill level excluded because even my cringiest old art would have a few comments or encouragements to see my future improvement, and i still want to hide when people like/comment/reblog said old art to this very day). 

I understand mainly OC artists feel this way that no ones gonna like their characters, or it just doesnt get reblogged enough in general but thats understandable too. No one is ‘selling out’ if they only do fanart. No one is ‘snobby or scared to get themselves out there’ if theyre really enthusiastic about their stories and worlds. Otherwise we wouldnt have fandoms int he first place, theyre all someones work. And hell, good for you if you draw both. It really is just a matter of how you put yourself out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’ll take some time but there IS always someone out there that likes your stuff. And sometimes you just have to be content with making work for yourself, work that makes you happy. The online art world is tough especially when youre small but once you fall into the depths of bitterness its hard to rewire your mind...

This is how yall should be looking at your/others work majority of the time: You: seeing cool art  Your mind: omg thats beautiful! i wish i could draw and paint like that. i should practice more , try out some poses and anatomy or implement what they do into my work. i wanna make a cool ass piece like this too i feel so pumped to draw and work!! 

And that’s that! Do yourself a favor and be happier you bastards! Its tiring being negative and sad all the time and i want tf out of it. Its so very tiring and annoying to be sad and bitter as shit!!!!! My goD

I can’t really think of anything else to add to this and the text may appear angry sometimes as i was very heated when i wrote this but tried to tone it down a lot hfkds. Im not some ‘art guru goddess with supreme skill uwuw’ but advice is advice! It’s always up to the person listening to take it or not.

I’m gonna end this with one of my favorite art quotes of all time from t h e Arin Hanson himself. Because it really is true. 

Get yourself out there, practice towards a level that makes you content and try to have more fun with loving your work.

It’s taken me a long while to post this, as i’ve been feeling this way for...at least a couple months??? but i finally put it all out there i just needed to do this lol.  Sorry if i mightve repeated info sometimes here and there?

This post is just as much of a call out to my own actions but more so @ those of you that specifically do this! 

[deuce-duce]

Hmmm where should I begin I think ill start with explaining a little bit about why I initially started writing this thing. Primarily because I was tired of being silenced while essentially people destroy my identity and character. But not in my local town or where I work... but the entire nation. Thats fucked up! No matter how you want to look at it. Its crazy that in todays society its OK to spew hate lies and deceit and everybody goes with flow... but the moment you start saying listen Idk what you have been told or what the latest gossip is but I can assure you its probably not what you think it is. As soon as that happens the whole world loses their minds...

The other reason I started writing is because although I don't necessarily want to put myself on a pedestal I think I might be a pretty rare individual. Over the course of the last four years with the show in full effect and the constant psychological and sexual abuse im put through is in full swing I haven't suffered from a TBI making it possible for me to figure this whole thing out without having my conscience memories taken from me to. That being said this is journey for me as well learning about myself and what this has done to me... whether you believe me or not that really is unimportant to me I just think that this story documented. Along with societal constructs and the amount of fuckery we actually involve ourselves in, without ever doing any research! And blaming the individual for telling the truth asking you to stop helping because your just making things worse. I'll explain further down what I mean.

Now I don't think im all that brilliant really i mean I think I am but in reality what you think of yourself is important but really doesn't mean shit if your told how dumb you are everyday or treated like shit because there's things you just can't do. Not that your incapable of doing them or don't know how to do them but because you literally suffer from multiple mental health conditions the primary condition being a dissociative identity. That being said, there is no medication no cure or any type of hope to ever not have to be worried about dissociating. The fucked up part about it is... is that my dissociative state isn't like normal dissociative states. Most dissociations can happen at anytime during the day or anytime the environmental triggers come into play and so its easier to diagnose and get the help one needs. Mine unfortunately from the hypnosis event that I explained to you is literally during the most vulnerable moments in anyone's life the one place your supposed to feel safe or at least do everything you can to keep yourself safe. But in no way am I able to do that... mine is triggered while I'm sleeping and its not just any trigger but is a trigger that another human being has to consciously do in a certain way to get me to dissociate.

I know for a fact that I don't dissociate on my own or sleep walk or anything like that because I lived with brittany for 4 years and would constantly ask her if I did anything out of the ordinary while I was sleeping. She would yell at me and tell me no &^%$# you barely move in your sleep! And so I would believe her because im sure she was telling the truth... later she would use this as a reason to start her plotting saying I didn't trust her and I would blame her for things like not keeping me safe... and i don't know what else but I'm sure it wasnt good. You don't create this type of carnage in someone's life because you have good memories with that person... or maybe she just didn't realize what exactly it was I was running from to begin with...

What I've just explained to you is to help you understand how fucked up I really am... even after being with someone for at least a couple years nothing going on... I still found myself doubting and worrying about not being safe. And thinking that I had been betrayed yet again. Even though nothing had happened... its fucking crazy... crazy sad. I guess at this point I really had no idea how it all worked.. so you can understand my speculation. But now that I know it makes things different at this point though I don't trust a soul probably never will again.

Another good example of this was I was jn a state where I was still well known...! But didn't have to deal with the sexual and physical abuse just the nental... and ill tell you it literally took me a month to successfully hit on a woman and get her number and read signs properly her friend was telling us we needed to get married and that we were perfect for eachother... I thought so too! We got along really well and damn she was sexy! Whew!! Unfortunately I was running out of money I was staying at an air bnb and needed a job... out of all the places I applied to the only place u heard back from was the place I never wanted to return to... I just thought that maybe things would be different this time... unfortunately they werent... did my best to meet a woman and start dating but she knew who I was and the people who fucked with me and so she started playing games... instead of supporting me and doing with me what I needed to keep myself safe she started saying well were not having sex evertime we hang out setting expectations of us forming a relationship... and not just something casual. The only way I'm ever going to be in a relationship again is by that person who won't play silly games like I mentioned earlier... the last time we hung out she was dressed in a tight leather outfit makeup done and kept turning me down and saying I couldn't touch her after we had already had sex on our first date... but she wanted me for herself and was playing games although she was turning me down... she was like im just going to go to the bar after I drop you off and find something to do... im assuming somebody was more of the case... after that I didn't talk to her again.

So I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with addiction and what happens to a person psychologically during the event of getting intoxicated... I'll elaborate a little bit. It is documented that when an addict is getting high that their adrenaline and endorphins are higher while seeking out and preparing the drugs then when they actually get high. i think this is because of the chasing the first time paradigm. where one continues to get high because they are chasing the feeling they got when they did it for the first time... which never happens so they continue doing more and more until they either die or throw their lives away. this led me to think hmm if that's how the brain works I think it might be the same way for those experiencing pts. stemming from a lifetime of trauma. so if you believe....!!! what i have said already which i doubt but its really of no concern to me but just know i tried to tell you and explain knowing i did all i could is all i can do... back to what i was saying... if the brain works this way when it comes to addiction then id have to tell you that it is the same when it comes to pts.. So listen to this, the other side thinking to themselves.. although they probably wont admit it to the general public but this is their logic, ok...? well we know what we have done to him... and... yea... it is pretty messed up... but if he would just try... then it might be different and we would stop... haha well that's like saying the addict chasing their first time is actually going to achieve it even though its impossible because of all the damage they have already done to their minds and bodies... the only way one can get as close as possible to achieving that first high again is to abstain for a long enough time to establish and restore the chemicals that have been depleted over the course of the addicts drug use history. just like you cant expect me to do something that has caused me severe consequences, even though what I did was right... and acceptable and essentially the keys i need to free myself from the cage that i find myself in... today. that wasn't the case then. and with everything else being the same as then all i can do is associate the two and not screw myself over again and face the possibility of getting my head kicked in. as delusional as that might be its the truth. and with everything being the same as it was then I'm supposed believe that the things that's supposed to set me free isn't a trap haha good luck but if you want to know my criteria it would be doing the right thing!! lets see if you can figure it out!! oh and this doesn't only go for the woman ill be with but also for anyone trying to help me in any way shape or form.... sorry but its the only way i can be certain your not part of the machine!

not only that but people keep on keeping on with inflicting the psychological trauma on me getting me written up at work for harmless comments but as an employee at this business I can not give anyone a compliment while in uniform so please refrain from hoping ill make an effort at my job. I got in trouble for telling a girl she was gorgeous I didn't know she was only 16 but its not like i was asking her to fuck or coming at her in any type of sexual manner but she is friends with the woman causing all of this... saying I need to stop running my mouth. she even went as far as to say to me man that customer has a nice ass and me saying it doesn't compare to your yours and her saying my ass is flawless... then telling on me saying I kept telling her she had an ass of a goddess.. GTFO HAHA my boss started laughing like so you didn't say that... fuck no! I said what I told you I said. she's like alright oh and then apparently you cant tell another employee that they have pretty eyes either just a heads up! but its cool I'm over it I just cant believe I bring out the evil in so many people like man WHO AM I?? WHAT AM I NOT BEING TOLD?!?! I could care less honestly but I'm glad you go to such lengths to try and make my life miserable... i could only imagine what it must be like to actually be miserable... UGH... that would...suck.... i think a lot of this stems from my supervisor giving me three flat tires in one night and then acting like oh... did i give you a flat tire...??? then telling me your not that smart.... never said i was bro but instead turned it around on him telling him dude... don't downplay yourself... your smart!! over and over again. i told one of the other supervisors that i didnt think the guy that had been training me liked me and these were the reasons why but she is also a distraction. and told him exactly what i had said.

just so you guys know anytime that there is someone who likes me and i actually have a chance with. they have someone that is hotter then me maybe smarter or appeals more to the persons wants and desires through manipulation simply to keep them occupied while im in the area and then after i leave and then the person that would have been perfect for me gets dumped and is left all alone again... kind of like whe. Brian started dating brittany after we broke up...

another thing i should put into perspective is that what's wrong with me is a byproduct of child molestation and abuse that being said its ok to prey on something that was created to protect myself because now I'm an adult and i hold the keys... too bad my hands are missing!! since i was 6 when i started dissociating that means every time I'm in that state i go back to being a 6 year old boy... making those who take advantage of my split essentially child molesters... no matter how old i am!!

So how do you diffentiate the good from the bad...?? The bad people are the ones proclaiming and contantly trying to make others believe im gay. I mean i could really care less and tell you myself I'm gay but primarily because of the reasons I mentioned above. The funny thing is the bad people will be the first to be like we should help him... just so that they can be like see he's gay!! Wtf cares... the fact that they go out of their way to prove something that people have all ready seen with their eyes... is a little bit over kill don't you think?? J.s. be vigilant!

The funny thing about all of this is that the same process ensues from community to community and so for you to be led like sheep and ignore the guy going through it all is sorry for saying fucking Stupid!! But hey its cool

The other thing I can't understand is how you can walk by drive by and go out of your way to tell me how dumb or stupid or gay I am but not one person can be like yo whats up im such and such did you write this or that...? Really! But I'm supposed to do what none of you do!? Really cool keep going with that ill be thee idiot! The gay idiot! Thanks for reminding me though!! Maybe one day you'll be as gay as me!!

[wanna1things]

Roommate!Aron Kwak

is my boi arrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

Genre;; fluff + college!au + roommates/flatmates!au

Warnings;; ?? food stealing ??

Pairing;; Aron Kwak x reader

Requested;; YES (by anon here) and i am finally getting it done thank you for your patience

Summary;; Someone keeps stealing your food… There’s only one person it could possibly be, and that’s your pesky roommate Aron...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1068

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS TRYING TO FINALISE A STORYLINE and I decided the best artists always put a bit of themselves into their work so i added the reality which is my own flatmates stealing my food uh…. it’s a bit shorter than i wanted but the storyline cant really be lengthened out that much lol

when you moved into your college dorms everything seemed normal

that was until you met your roommate

you were originally surprised enough when this;; really beautiful human ;; walked through your door and announced himself as your roommate

but then as he revealed how weird he was

you;; had difficulty understanding how your life came to this DHSHFH

first of all

he turned up to the dorm with thomas the tank engine bed sheets

you immediately knew this guy was YOUR kind of guy

“hi, my name’s aron kwak, and i suppose i’m your roommate then;;”

“haha yeah probably;; i’m y/n”

he nodded and placed his stuff on his bed and tapped your shoulder for some reason best known to himself and went to get the rest of his stuff

SECOND OF ALL

he burst into song at random moments

one night you were trying to sleep at like 3am after a major cram session

when out of nowhere, aron who had previously been sleeping like a log

started singing????

i mean his voice was beautiful but at 3am?? Boi

THIRD OF ALL

yeah he just steals your clothes

got an oversized hoodie?

its now aron’s normal-sized hoodie

I mean he’d give it back to you but don’t expect it to not go missing like 3 seconds later lmao

it’s safe to say you were confused

as the weeks of your roommate-ship went on you realised he wasn’t only weird as hell but he was also pretty hilarious

he’d brought one of those projector things that changes your phone into a like projector lmao idk how to explain

and y’all were just watching a film because uh

his friend minki came over for ““““““date night””””””

so they invited you to join in watching the film lmao THIRD WHEEL

when out of nowhere he starts making really terrible puns;;

one day you both entered a ‘ready steady cook’ contest to win £50 starbucks vouchers LOL

and that was the day you learnt more of aron’s secret talents

he’s like?? a master chef

?? clever, funny and can cook? what a man

this all changed when one night, your packet of doritos went missing

you were really looking forward to tucking into the packet you bought at the store a couple days back when it was on offer

but when you got back to your room it was gone??

at first you were at a loss to who could’ve taken it like uh;; mysterious dorito thief is terrorising campus maybe??

but then you realise

there was really only one person it could be

DARN IT ARON KWAK

quicker than lightning you pulled out your phone and began typing an angry message, hitting send and then running to the store to buy some more doritos

they were more expensive this time around but you best believe you were getting that doritos fix even if it killed you(r bank account)

you also picked up some more chocolate buttons on the way (because yes, chocolate buttons are LIFE)

when you got back you put your doritos and new chocolate buttons down with the rest of your stash of food

aron appeared looking soppy af

he mumbled a sorry and flopped down on his bed

normally you’d be worried but this guy just stole your doritos like uh NO sympathy

JUST KIDDING of course you were worried doritos were a minor issue

you sat down next to his bed and smiled at him yknow that awkward smile you do when people are sad lol

he sighed in response and rolled onto his back

“Heyy y/n do you think i’m annoying?? Or weird??”

ok you were a bit taken aback because ?? this guy who exudes confidence and eternal happiness is self conscious?? This is not right

“Noooo way jose you’re not annoying!! And you’re weird but like;; in an endearing way lol idk”

He rolled his eyes at your attempt at complimenting him and mumbled a thanks in response

“If you find it endearing does that mean you loveeee me~~~”

back comes the usual aron kwak

but as he said those words you realised ohhhhh uh oh

soMEONE has a CRUSH on the doritos thief UM (in case you are unaware, that is u with the crush)

about 3 days later, you come back to your dorm and you’re greeted by the soft smell of cookies as you enter your room

and you’re a bit confused like?? why does it smell of cookies tf??

when you get properly inside your room you notice aron sitting on his bed with a plate full of chocolate cookies

he smiles at you as you walk in and he points to the cookies as if you didn’t already notice them

“these are to make up for me stealing your doritos!! i hope you enjoy them lol!!”

Um THANK YOU ARON <333333

as you sunk your teeth into the first one you had the sudden feeling that something was up

so you looked over to your stock of food and you noticed

your chocolate buttons were missing

BOI;;;;;;

you grabbed your pillow and whacked aron STRAIGHT across the face

he was taken aback for a second but then he smiled and it was oddly shifty

“what if i tell you these are also apology cookies for me using your chocolate buttons?”

in that moment you swear you were about to fight this boy

but he suddenly stood up out of nowhere and came over to you

“Ahh but y/n i’m seriously sorry,, and i’m also serious about something else lol look at the plate”

if you guessed that the boy put a damn confession letter on the plate you right

cheesy ass

I mean it kinda failed it was completely soaked in grease LMAO

ANYWAY

of cOURSE you accept the confession from the weird soft boy (i mean who wouldn’t amirite)

CUE YOU TWO BEING COUPLE GOALS

you go around uni like you OWN the damn place, making puns everywhere, being generally weirdos

you meet the rest of his squad (cough cough baekho minhyun and jonghyun) and at first minki is mad because his date nights with aron are GONE

BUT they love you probably even more than aron because you make less terrible jokes yeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ALL IN ALL y’all the cutest, weirdest couple

you bet aron’s still stealing your doritos and your clothes (and your HEART) forever

me? i love aron and would stab myself in the eye if he asked me too;; half of my albums are inadvertently his version too SJHGDF

[chaekkung]

o wormie? u? in a lot of love? perfect i don't think i've asked u yet but (if ur free) could u talk about why/how you started loving changkyun/hyungwon (or both :-D) ?? pls ramble as much as u like!! read more exists 4 a reason and . i love reading ppl b soft and in love it's cute!!!!! i love u have a good night/day ! ����💛

o holy shit thats a lot ok im gonna write about changkyun since i Havent... :( and ill copy pasta one of my hyungwon essays for u to read!!!! the changkyun will be under it :^) this is gonna be Super Long im sorrie in advance LMAO BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT TOO!!!! :D (also theres prob gonna be a lot of typos bc im Dumb but.. bear w/ me)

mister chae:

honestly i don’t even know where to start?? uhh i guess with his looks first since,, this is describing or smthing,, anyways yeah hyungwon is just… fucking beautiful. he has the most handsome and visually attractive face ive ever seen in my whole life??? and i’ve stanned a lot of groups in my past before but hyungwon is honestly one of the best looking man i know :( im not even being biased,,, anyways yeah there’s that. and he’s like naturally a model, i mean he can legit wear anything and do anything and he’ll look like he’s posing for a high end magazine, not surprised if he’s been modeling since he was like, born. also he has the most beautiful and endearing smile and laugh…. when he smiles he really goes from :o -> :D like!! please!! you are too fucking cute,,, :((( he really lights up the entire room solely w his smile im jusT?? wow?? like when his smile lines by the sides of his nose down to the corner of his mouth come out i just,,,, really… need 2 calm my heart. he has like the closed mouth wide smile, and the straight up whole face smile!! and i.. love both.. so much,,, and yeah anyways his lips are like the first thing people notice about him and big mood?? they’re so plump and … kissable.. and soft.. but my favorite feature on him are his eyes tbh…. idk he has really beautiful eyes? idk how to describe it but like, they’re so…. kind? and bright.. it’s just i want to look into them all day long and im just… so in love with his eyes. like,, they really hold all the stars in my universe wtf!!!  :( OH AND I DONT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH BUT…. HIS EARS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WTF I WANT A MOLD OF HIS EARS ON MY DESK,,, idk about others but i personally find his right ear cute as fuck?? like the extra folds in his ears.. i would d*e for them………. godksj why is everything about him so cute i just?? want to kno …

ok now im going to talk about him!!! so his personality, is what i really fell in love with,, (god this all sounds so.. cliche. but it’s.. true, also unrelated but every time someone talked about,, love cliches and shit i was always like ‘sounds fake’ but???? after hyungwon i really?? believe in all of that..) if i had to use one word to describe him it would just be ‘kind’… like he!!! is!!! the king of being considerate and compassionate and wonderful and he’s just a really good person.. :( he’s the one you can always count on and lean on. he’d always be on your side and makes you feel safe and comforted,, like he’s really full of love??? even the members said he’s a really good listener and they chose as him as someone they go to when they’re feeling down because he makes them feel better about the situation (god, i wish they were me,,) and he has the most beautiful heart… like, he’s been wearing the Sewol bracelet since as long as we’ve known and he has never missed a day. you can always see it during fansigns, vlives, whenever he’s out, and he even wore it when he was modeling under his clothes… :(( he went from the charm, to the rope bracelet thing, to the clip on and now he’s wearing the wristband!! :(((((( he says he will always wear it to remember the incident, and he has been for over two years… he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not to show anyone… he said he felt so helpless during the time, and watching every thing unfold before him, and has worn the yellow bracelet which symbolizes ‘hope’ :((((((((( god,, real emo hours,,, i love my angel so much wtf !!! ok next,, (sjdhaj at this point im going to write a whole novel wtf but im gonna,, stop soon i swear .) hyungwon is really fucking hardworking and ?? he’s so dedicated to his career and making sure that we, his fans, are always satisfied and proud to stan him.. like he’s constantly saying he will work hard to show us something better next time, that he’s not going to stop trying to improve himself. every single stage he puts his all into it, but he pushes himself even more to show us a even better one. he’s always worried and thinking about his career as an actor and a singer. he wants to promote the group in any way that he can, whether it’s through modeling or acting :(( what a King… he’s… really always striving to do the Best and he won’t ever settle or be content with it because he’s just naturally an ambitious and super hard working person… like. he’s so dedicated to what he does, no matter what it is. uhh one more thing he’s actually a really sentimental guy!! not like in a bad way, but in the best possible way. he’s really sweet, and gentle.. (he would be the Best Boyfriend,,, im just saying..) he’s the type to give handwritten letters… and surprise gifts.. (he said so!!) he said he cant cook but he want to cook for his gf he will try his best and it will be full of love… god.. i wish that were me. he’s the type to keep quiet… but take silently notes on what someone likes/dislikes, and will reveal it unexpectedly with a gift or when he says something and it will! make the other person! so happy! :((( he doesn’t put his emotions Out There, he’s not rlly good at it,, but he honestly has so much love in him,,, he tries his best to show it ok!! it’s,, good effort it’s so cute when he does… ah.. pls.,,, he’s always like ah, i don’t know if i can properly show my appreciation and sincerity for you guys, but i hope you guys know how thankful i am for you. LASDHFJAK GOFD,S,,,, IM FUCKIGN EMO THINKGIN ABOTU IT AGAIN… HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART I JUST WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT.. :(( HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I REALLY HOPE ALL MY LOVE FOR HIM CAN COUNT AS SOMETHING FOR IT ALL.. UGHFJASHJSAALSJF yeah ok let me,,, stop… sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this LMAo,, :(

ok i was gonna stop but i forgot to mention how he’s so fucking talented!! i mean this boy does it ALL. the whole package or w/e. god,, i love my whole ass talented man wtf! he sings, dances, choreographs, models, acts, DJs, is multilingual, and a world class poet,, cmon. ANYWAYS he excels in all those areas nd,, no argument there.. his voice is angelic as fuck ,, just like his personality.. and his dancing.. god,,, like . his dancing his so on point, his every move,, and it’s so.. fluid.. and natural. and it’s harder for tall people to dance esp ones w like long ass limbs (hyungwon.,,) but he still looks fucking amazing and pulls everything off so perfectly????? gofdj,,, can he like . Stop being so…. perfect.. and lovable… :((( he just puts so much passion into everything he does!!! and his heart is pure Gold ,, i just.. love him,,,,,,, everything about him …. ok lmao let me stop !!! if u actually read all this wtf,, im sorry nd i’d die for u

mister changkyun:

okay wtf icb i havent talked about changkyun that much on my blog.... anyways this is gonna be a mess and unorganized bc im Dumb but here goes,,, ok we can start from the beginning kinda,, so originally wonho was my #2 bias and then mh i think like i love changkyun but i wasnt like IN LOVE you kno?? honestly i started to notice him more firstable bc he and hyungwon are so frigging cute together?? i just couldnt ignore it and next thing u know im IN Love w my lil koala :(((( hes sO CUTE ..... LIKE.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I REALLY JUST WANNA BE AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME!! his sense of humor and his personality in general is so?? positive?? and fun??!!! like i would spend every second of the rest of my life w him... and he’s so cheesy as we all know ,, and i find it so cute but also he makes me so stressed bc he’s so mushy aijsdgfhdjs but he rlly Love us wtf.. and hes so funnie... he makes me smile and laugh all the time :( and he genuinely Loves every single one of his fans so much... he’s so sweet with them and he makes them feel so loved and special, and like they’re the only person in the world at that moment :(((( this boy gives so much love and i only want to give him a million times more back... 

HIS LAUGH.. OK.. HIS LAUGH!!!!!! MAKES MY HEART MELT LIKE LAVA WTF SJDFUDJS HES SOSOSOSOOS CUTE WHEN HE LUAHGS HE LIKE.. PUTS HIS ALL INTO IT.. IT SLIKE HAHAHAHA FR... PLS,,, ESP WHEN HE GOES CRAZY AND ALSO STARTS CLAPPING,... LMAO MOOD.. HE SOS CUTIEJUJIiajsdfudj and WHEN HE SMILES THE CLOSED-MOUTH-WIDE-SMILE AND HIS CUTE ASS DIMPLES COME OUT.... HOTLT FUCKIDUFD THERE GOES MY SOUL AND GALLONS OF HEART NUT... ITS THE CUTEST SIGHT IN THE WORLD AHHH HIS DIMPLE ARE ADORABLE AND HIS CHEEKS!! I WANT TO SQUISH!!! i wanna . reside in his dimples. build a home there and alll....... omg.. :’(( every time he takes a selfie or smthing i rlly Lose it. every single selfie is his Best selfie. wtf.... king of angles fr... AND KING OF FOOT SELFIES TOOOSJFDK LLISTEN AGAIN HES SOSOOSOSO HANDSOME AND GOOD LOOKING OKAY!!! HES REALLY A VISUAL?? IDK HOW PEOPLE CANT SEE IT BUT LIEK THIS BOY IS F  I  N E ..... HIS FACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHHhhhHHHHH  AND HE NEVER HAD A BAD ERA.. HE WAS HOT SINCE NO MERCY WTF !!!!! UGJFSUJDJS I HOPE HE KNOWS HES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! :( ANF HIS BEAUTIFUL NOSE,, AND HIS EYES!!!! OGM!!,,, GOD AND HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED LIPS.... HSI JAWLINE,,, BITUCSHJ,,,

OK HES SO LOVABLE IN EVERY DAMN WAY LIKE,, he’s Weird but its a cute Weird he’s so special omg there’s really no one else like him :(((( like...... he’s a treasure fr... he’s So Many things and once its hard to pinpoint his personality but like ??? i love it so much?? he’s a mystery and i dont know what he’s thinking like most of the time but.. i rlly love him omgdsj he’s so special :’( like fr !!! everyone LOVES him!! :(( most people wouldnt see him as the maknae if they dont Know,, but like he really is... and he’s really mx’s babie :-( they spoil him so much and love the heck out of him,,, he’s really the most loved maknae out there wtf... honestly... i love family... they really Adore him so much ugh what a big ass fking MOOD! :((

AND HIS VOICE!!!!! THE VOICE OF THE HEAVENS AND ANGELS AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO NUT!!!! WTF!! HIS VOICE IS SO SEXY AJSDFGDUJIS LIKE... PLEASE... NARRATE THE BIBLE TO ME HOLY FUCKSIFDU, YOU KNOW HIS VOICE ONLY V LIVE... HOLY SHIT MY EARS NUTTED SO HARD omg.... i just wanna listen to his voice All Day.... and dont even get mee started on his rapping .... he starts his bar and sets me on fucking fire w half a syllable . and did i mentioned he fucking amazing at rapping yeah . he Does That. and hes so charismatic, especially on stage... :((( ugh omgfisjd i wanan d*e when hes being so h*t on screen fucksdf,,, and like . his mixtapes he’s working on... king... pleas.e.... End me. just end me with ur talented ass wtf... 

SIJDFJD I NEED TO SHUT UP BUT LISTEN IM SO PROUD OF HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN IN THE PAST 2+ YEARS... LIKE HE’S COME SO FUCKING FAR!!!!! IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!! GOD,,,,, I LOVE HIM SOSOSOSOSO DAMN MUCHSJIDFUDS HE MAKES MY HEART CONTINUE BEATING... THATS REALLY MY BABIE !! MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE!!! :(((((((((((

ok let me stop thank u,,, also... if anyone actually made it here hi wow uh ur great ily wtf :--(

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis(14): “do i rlly need to explain my gripes”

[Specific-Summary]: With senior year approaching, some stresses are inevitable, and they’re certainly not looking forward to them, but for now it’s summer and it’s okay to breathe a little while longer.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing  

[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14)

D:Guess who finally got their phone/ keys back

R: !!!!

R: you good tho?? I mean what’s going on over there

D: I’m fine she just did the usual

R: that R: that is not any better

D: Probably but predictable is better then unpredictable D: that bs aside I missed your birthday

R: it's chillll

D: No it isn’t D: I’ll make it up to you

R: you don t n e e d t o i t wa sn t y o u r f a u l t

D: It kinda was

R: nope nope nope R: my birthday gift from you is you /not/ feeling guilty about it

D: I’m not too sure about that D: plus I’ve already painted you something so

R: <3 R: still i’ve defended your honor this entire time R: virgil was preped to kill you the first week tbh

D: why?

R: idk R: but he’s always??? worried you might ditch me ??? R: like???as if id let you do that???

D: I wouldn’t ditch you.

R: I know R: im emphasising my point for the overprotective ASSHOLE reading this over my shoulders R: anyway hows the wedding planning

D:she said I’d go to hell, I didn’t know it would be so soon

---

“You got a girlfriend?”

Dmitri flinched, turning off his phone, “Uh--,” he swallowed, forcing himself not to squirm under Dr. Montag’s gaze, “--Something like that…” His face burned, and he hoped his hair was enough to hide his face.

Dr. Montag raised an eyebrow, “You’re not doing anything inappropriate right?” he said, with a tone of authority that all adults seem to feel entitled to, “I know I’m not your dad, but…” He placed the jars of pasta sauce in the cart.

“You’re not--” Dmitri winced, “I mean--I’m not. Doing anything inappropriate, that is.” a bile rested in his throat and he smiled, “It’s just a...friend.”

He scanned his shopping list, “Friend?” he said, doubtful. Dmitri’s not entirely sure how he’s supposed to take that, “It isn’t that-uh Nate? Is it? I’ve seen his lot plenty of times at my office And while those kids seem fun at first--” he shuddered, “Trust me I could’ve done without some of those memories.”

Dmitri, scanned the overtly expensive noodles, “No it’s not Nate.”

“Diana then?” Dr. Montag listed, “She seems like a nice girl, your Aunt says that your close.”

“We were…” Dmitri shrugged, “We hardly have any classes together so I hardly see her anymore,”

Dr. Montag frowned, as if he caught the lie too, “Well whoever she is... you’re free to invite her along. I’m sure your aunt won’t mi….your aunt doesn’t have to know, ” he corrected, in a way that was much too nice, “I know Patty wants us to bond before the wedding, but I know your at the age where the last thing you’d want to do is hanging out with some old-man. So invite your ‘friend’ if you want, I’d love to meet her,” Too-fucking-nice.

“Uh,” Dmitri’s brain short circuited, unable to shake his unease, “Uh-Sorry no,” he shook his head, feeling his phonrre buzz again, “They wouldn’t want…”

He couldn’t imagine it, really.

Introducing Roman as his boyfriend, correcting people--casually bringing Roman up in conversation without feeling the room tense and conversation abruptly change. Changing his wallpaper to him and Roman --holding hands in public without feeling watched--kissing without needing to check and double check--. Changing the pronouns to he, him, his.

That was a lie. He has imagined it, he thought he had it, and he really fucking wants it again.

---

SipsipSipin:you ever like,,,,,,,think,,,,

HotNReady: rarely

SipSipSipin: i know i know SipSipSipin: bear with me babe

SipSipSipin: but like it's fuckin weird

SipSipSipin: we’re going to be s e ni or s

SipSipSipin: i can finally get the hell away from my dad SipSipSipin: but like i probably cant even move from this fuckin state

HotNReady: i mean we’re gunna be in the same boat

SipSipSipin: no we???arent???

SipSipSipin: youre gunna have colleges licking your boots wtf

HotNReady: ye but like,,,out of state is /expensive/

SipSipSipin: bitch

HotNReady: what im right HotNReady: im foolish not a fool

SipSipSipin: did you even l o o k

HotNReady:...no

SipSipSipin: how the fuck am i suppose to angst properly SipSipSipin: about you leaving if you arent even going far

SipSipSipin: i cant work in these conditions

HotNReady: oh is that why youve been so clingy

SipSipSipin: ... SipSipSipin: pot/kettle

HotNReadY: THATS MY BRANDING STEP OFF

SipSipSipin: you literally refused to leave virgils side for like ⅓ of our friendship

HotNReady: i was a very small child ok

SipSipSipin: yall were the same size

HotNReady:you cant call me out like this

SipSipSipin: sounds fake but really

SipSipSipin: you havent even /looked/ into out of state colleges??? SipSipSipin: really???cause i dont believe it

HotNReady:uh,,,,,I mean like,,,,,

HotNReady: I may have Looked a little

-

!!!taglist!!!

@daflangstlairde​

@ace-anx​

@cataclysm-al​

[simkjrs]

ch6 asks, cont’d.

Anonymous said: read the latest chapter and honestly even though im screaming in agony, i absolutely love this drama. i really cant wait to see where youre going with this. it also makes me happy to see you make so many good characters autistic, it feels nice to be able to relate to actions. also, izuku's entire internal conflict in this chapter? BIG MOOD.

fdjdkljf happy to hear someone’s enjoying it!! also, thank you for the feedback -- it’s nice to know that i’ve done alright,representation-wise. :^)

Anonymous said: just wanted to tell you that i'm at the spot when izuku basically tells it like it is to kacchan. and it's pretty much spot on. from what i can tell. from real life experiences. I sincerely hope that this time in your life is past if you've had to experience something like this or you have people you can turn to. otherwise, dude, you are scarily good at writing. i'm seriously afraid of how this conversation is going to turn out. the chapter's really beautiful and honestly just inspiring. thank u

this is such a nice ask i didnt know what to do with myself after reading it? 

no comment on my real life situation except that everything’s fine right now. i haven’t experienced everything that izuku is dealing with (or at least.. not to that degree?) SO i’m just extrapolating beyond my own life & experiences, and also incorporating what i’ve learned by reading through accounts by people who have actually lived through these things. thank you for writing in, and thank you for your concern 

@ceilingbattles​ said: I just wanted to say thank you so much for the new chapter <3 honestly its my favourite fanfiction, and I just really appreciate all the work you put into it, its amazing!!! (I don't have an ao3 account, just really wanted to let you know). Also just wow. that was a chapter. 100% worth it, I will read it repetitively on my phone as I have the rest of the fic.

thank you!! it’s really nice to hear that, and i feel incredibly honored to have written someone’s favorite fic. i hope it continues to live up to your expectations!

Anonymous said: i feel like byggualom! izuku and suneater would get along very well. kindred spirits kinda thing

both of them have massive anxiety so they can definitely empathize with each other, and i think izuku would do his best to accommodate suneater! it would be really exhausting for izuku though, i think, so while they’d get along well i don’t know if they’d be good for each other for extended periods of time. anxiety echo chamber

@aliceofbrokendreams​ said: Can I give you a hug? Cause if writing the first half invoked as much emotion as it did in me reading it, you should have one.

yeah... it was really hard writing this chapter. thank you 

@slightlyobssesive​ said: I would just like to say that this chapter took me four hours to read and then another one to compose myself to type this. On one hand I absolutely adore you because some parts had me so happy and the portrayal of Izuku's abuse is handled so well. On the other hand though I am cradling my heart that has been shattered into about 3 million pieces and screaming why because this chapter emotionally destroyed me. I cannot properly express my current feelings in this small amount of space just WHYYYY

im sorry but also im completely not sorry, THANK YOU FOR READING DESPITE YOUR DEEP PERSONAL SUFFERING 

and also thanks for your feedback re: the representation of izuku’s abuse! i’m glad i was able to convey it well!

@abrcmhatford​ said: i uh wanna say that i really appreciate how you're handling izuku's reaction to realizing that yeah, it was abuse, because people brush over the recovery a lot, and i've been in izuku's shoes and i think you captured the entirety of it really well. it's rough and it's really hard and it's still hard and i like how you didn't just ignore the gritty details and kept pushing. thanks

yeah! i wanted to write something that was about recovery, and moving forward, and doing your best despite your circumstances. i pulled on my own experiences with depression and other things to try and write this, and what i learned, so... i’m happy to hear it resonated with someone else too. i hope that you’re out of that situation now, and that things are better for you. thank you for your feedback. it means a lot to me. 

@angryqueermermaid​ said: you. absolute motherfucker.

alright now that name calling is out of the way I must say that you have the BEST portrayal of depression and anxiety I have EVER seen. like. holy shit my guy. the entire ch I was just like. "same? same. SAME." and, well, while that was a fucking kick in the pants, it was so.... confusingly cathartic??? in a good way??? to watch izuku struggle with the shit I have felt, in ALL aspects of life like being vunerable and/or high energy/socialization settings. fucking. GOD MY KOKORO.

FUCK WHAT I'M TRYING TO IS THAT YOU DID GOOD

i once saw a quote that said something like, “if you want to make someone a monster to society, first make sure they never see themselves in your stories.” it’s a morbid quote, but i feel like it explains well why it’s so meaningful when you see yourself reflected in a story. i know the first time i read a chinese-american protagonist, and one who wasn’t interested in romance to boot, i was in junior high and it made me so happy because i’d never had that representation before. 

that’s one of the reasons i write so many characters with mental illnesses or trauma -- i don’t see enough of us in mainstream stories, and i think those stories need to be told, just so we can remember that we aren’t alone. i’m really glad you found catharsis reading chapter 6, and that i was able to catch some of those struggles you go through. thank you for writing in!

Anonymous said: OF COURSE YOU POSTED YOUR LONG-AWAITED SIXTH CHAPTER IN JUNE

and yet, i missed the anniversary!!!! a failure!!!!

Anonymous said: sometimes I just go to your blog to make sure you're okay. like of you're blogging then you're either okay or trying your hardest

i’m not actually sure if this was a ch6 asks but it was sent with the rest so. thank you. it soothes me to know that someone out there is thinking of my wellbeing, because i sure don’t and i guess someone has to. (but in all seriousness, that’s really sweet)

Anonymous said: Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I loved the chapter 6 a lot! As a writer, I can understand not being entirely happy with your work, but as someone who recently got out of a very unhealthy situation, it makes me happy that you put it up anyway! Izuku's recovery mimicked mine in a lot of ways, especially the coming to terms with it. His talk with Yagi about grief hit very close to home, but also was very inspiring, if that makes any sense!! So sincerely, thank you so much! ^u^

i’m really happy to hear that!! i tried to catch the feeling / moment i had when i was getting through my depression, where for two weeks or so i was so miserable all the time and just wanted to... stop. it’s hard to explain, but one day i got up in the morning and knew that i was just tired of all this, tired of stagnating in the same place and tired of being miserable all the time, and maybe i couldn’t get rid of my depression but at the very least i had to try. if i was able to convey any of that through izuku’s conversation with yagi, then i’m satisfied. thank you!!

Anonymous said: Thank you for sharing your writing with us

and thank you for appreciating it! <3

@chocowl​ said:  From start to end this was a rly good chap. The recovery process, the relationships, and everything else was so good. I esp liked how Izuku mobilised his network and how Katsu got some Consequences. And Mitoki... much gold as always! Altogether: thank you for this journey! I loved it and i love you for creating such amazing content. Ihope you have an amazing day and time! :) xoxo

(sorry i split up your asks into two different posts! categorization purposes...)

i’m really glad you enjoyed that!! i worked so hard on the emotional atmosphere of this chapter, haha. glad to see it paid off. <3 <3 thank you for all your feedback, too, and also the really nice art you’ve made for me!

Anonymous said: someone made a pinterest board for The Fic! it looks p small rn (111 pins?) but its kinda cute

i don’t have a pinterest account so sadly i can’t zoom over and check it out, but wow... i’m really honored!! thank you for letting me know! 

Anonymous said: later, when Eri comes in- what would happen if byggualom!izuku was shot by Eri's quirk-removing drug? everyone's expecting something to happen but Izuku would be fine, considering he has no quirk (as far as he knows?)

muscular used izuku’s body to smash a concrete sidewalk into smithereens and izuku didn’t have so much as a scratch, one of the quirk-removing drugs’ bullets wouldn’t even have a chance. so actually, everyone’s question would be “what the hell is up with your skin” 

anyways, if you’re wondering if we’ll ever get a reveal, don’t worry. it’s coming. :^)

[alexanderglghtwood]

i don't wanna fight too hard, too long, too much anymore

a day during the malec breakup from magnus's point of view

thanks to @softshumjr for helping me out with this

You have a new voicemail, click here to listen.

Hey Magnus… um it’s me, Alec. I know you don’t want to hear from me but… well, I don’t really know why I’m even calling. I guess I just hoped… but it’s stupid. I just wanted to hear your voice again… I miss you Magnus… I’m sorry, I won’t call again.

Press 1 to delete. Press 2 to replay. Press 3 to call back.

He pressed 2.

Hey Magnus… um it’s me, Alec. I know you don’t want to hear from me but… well, I don’t really know why I’m even calling. I guess I just hoped… but it’s stupid. I just wanted to hear your voice again… I miss you Magnus… I’m sorry, I won’t call again.

Press 1 to delete. Press 2 to replay. Press 3 to call back.

Message deleted.

It was a bit cruel, completely cutting himself off from Alec, and Magnus knew it, but he also knew there was no way he could completely move on if he didn’t.

However, he couldn’t help but think of Alec as he curled up in his far too empty bed at night. He thought of Alec when they first met, how he’d looked so small behind Jace and Izzy, like he was used to being overlooked in favour of his younger siblings. He thought of Alec, the poor repressed shadowhunter boy who sometimes flinched when he was touched because he’d never really known true, pure love before. He thought of Alec and how he must be dealing with everything. He hadn’t wanted to end things between them, but what Alec did couldn’t just be ignored, even if he had only considered it for a moment before changing his mind and telling Camille no. Finally, he thought of Alec’s voice in the message he had left earlier that day. He was trying to cover up the fact that he was crying, but Magnus could hear the sadness in his voice. He couldn’t stop hearing the words ‘I miss you, Magnus’ replaying in his head, his thoughts emphasising the shakiness in Alec’s voice as he spoke.

Magnus was trying to push those thoughts out of his mind when he heard his phone buzzing on the nightstand. He leaned over to check the message, but when he saw that it was nearly 3 am he rolled back, telling himself that his clients could wait until a more reasonable hour. But then his phone went off several more times over the course of about ten minutes, and then twice more a few minutes later and at that point it was bothering Magnus too much not to look at them.

He rolled back over to face his nightstand, picked up his phone and read through the messages.

New Message From Alexander - 2:48 AM: im sorry about the awkward voicemail earlier…

New Message From Alexander - 2:48 AM: i just missed u. im sorry

New Message From Alexander - 2:50 AM: please talk to me

New Message From Alexander - 2:53 AM: i wish i could fix this but i cant seem to figure out how… i dont know how to make this better

New Message From Alexander - 2:53 AM: please Magnus… im not sure i can do this without u

New Message From Alexander - 2:56 AM: i didnt mean that. or at least i dont think i did… i was okay - ish - before u came along, i can be okay again without u… but i didnt know it would be this hard. I didnt realise it would hurt this much

New Message From Alexander - 2:58 AM: i wish u would just tell me ur okay

New Message From Alexander - 3:20 AM: i know i can do this without u, but i dont want to magnus… before u i never really knew what it was like to be loved properly. u know im not good at words so most of this wont make sense but im gonna do my best… my parents dont care like they should, u know this. i have to be the best warrior, the best leader possible. and to them i cant do that if im like this… if im gay… and i think they realised long before i did that im this way because they started pulling away a long time ago. and jace and izzy both love me, but its not the same. theres always been this rift between us since im the oldest and im the one in charge. i know they care but i think they get put off because im not good with my emotions so they think i dont want them to show theirs, but im not good with my emotions because no one ever acted like my feelings were relevant or important… until u came along… u showed me that i was important and i wasnt a freak and u loved me more than anyone really has before and i can never thank u enough for that. im sorry i had to go and fuck it up… i hope one day u can find it in ur heart to forgive me. i love u magnus.

New Message From Alexander - 3:20 AM: sorry that got so long… once i started i couldnt make myself stop

New Message From Alexander - 3:22 AM: im sorry if that sounded like im trying to make excuses for myself because im not. i know what i did was wrong and im not trying to say u were wrong to do what u did, because it was ur decision and i respect that. i just wanted to try and explain myself a little bit.

After that there were no more messages.

It felt like someone had punched a hole in Magnus’s chest. He was beginning to doubt his decision to break up with Alec. ‘No,’ he thought, ‘I was right. I just need more time to get over him, that’s all.’ He told himself that over and over again, ‘I did the right thing, I did the right thing,’ until finally he felt like he was starting to believe it.

He turned to set his phone back down on the bedside table when it went off again.

New Message From Alexander - 3:47 AM: im sorry. they’re making us go to idris tomorrow morning. i know u dont want to see me, but please at least come say goodbye? it sounds like they’re gearing up for a war and i dont want to die without seeing you one last time.

Magnus sighed and dropped his phone on the nightstand and fell back in bed. He didn’t even need to think about it to know that he was going to go to the Institute tomorrow. What Alec said in that message was true and Magnus knew it, a war was most likely coming. And he knew that Alec was over eighteen, which means he would have to fight. The thought of Alec going into battle and dying without seeing him at least once more made Magnus feel so sad and terrified that he actually started to feel a bit sick

He didn’t get much sleep that night, and when the sun rose and his alarm went off he got up and got ready to face the man that broke down the walls around his heart, the man that Magnus had fallen in love with, even when he had thought it would never happen again. Despite two broken hearts, he couldn't say no.

[batmanpaynox]

Who: Niam  when: 13th January 2017 where: Ireland  description: Liam returns home and all truth is out 

@niall-xhoranrp

Liam: Liam came

Liam: Home earlier than he was supposed too he couldn't handle being over there the way things were it was adding stress to everything. He went inside of the house seeing Amy playing with her toys. "Hey baby girl" he smiled to her kneeling down

Niall: Niall was watching some tv as the door opened swallowing hard as liam cane inside but kept his eyes on the tv

Liam: Liam glanced over at him before turning back to Amy "in back earlier than I'm meant to be...."

Niall: Niall didnt say anything just kept his eyes on the tv

Liam: "Shall we go out today baby girl?" He spoke to Amy

Niall: "make sure to dress her well its been cold" he muttered

Liam: "I will...." he gulped standing up holding his hand out for her

Niall: niall nodded and made his way upstairs

Liam: Liam wrapped her up warm in her coat and hat lifting her to carry her. He looked up the stairs taking a small sigh

Niall: he took a deep breath feeling his stomach twist he had no idea what do so

Niall: do

Liam: Liam was hoping Niall would come but he didn't. He just took Amy out to have some fun together he kissed her so much. He was out for a few hours and came back home with her sleeping in his arms

Niall: Niall packed a bag and left a note hes at his moms planning to stay there for the night

Liam: "Niall?" He shouted out hearing how quiet it was looking around for him till he saw the note. He felt awful for what was going on he knew it was his fault. He placed Amy into the car seat Driving to nialls mums house knocking at the door.

Niall: Niall had just walked in and straight to bed. his mom opened givibg him a soft smile "hes upstairs"

Liam: Liam nodded handing Amy gently to his mum not wanting her to be around when he was with Niall. He walked up knocking at the door

Niall: Niall kept quiet holding his pillow to him with back to door obvious he been crying

Liam: He walked into the room carrying a cup of coffee for him that his mum handed him placing

Liam: If it on the side. He sat down on the edge of the bed

Niall: he looked at him not surprised he would come

Liam: He bit his lip "I'm sorry I just left...and the way I have been"

Niall: he sat up" i thought we were better that we could talk to each other, you just came home pissed and then left for days wothout a word"

Liam: "I wanted to talk to you but my head was messed up, I didn't want to take everything out on you how I was feeling so I had to leave, I was scared I'd be worse and really hurt you with words I say. Just seeing your face when I said about sex it made me realise I should go. I kicked off at everyone when I was there, to the point they nearly dropped me... I don't know what's happening to me"

Niall: "it doesn't matter liam, you didnt wcen say bye to me and when you go home it was like i didnt exist. "

Liam: "I kept looking at you before I spoke to Amy but you were just watching tv then went upstairs, I was wanting you to come out with us like that day I said we would have. I dropped everything to come home. You said you didn't care and I upset you how could I say bye it felt like I shouldn't be there"

Niall: Niall wiped some tears just looking down. "you should go home"

Liam: "I came back to sort things... going home is just going to make everything worse if keep avoiding"

Niall: "dont give me that when ur the one who just left "

Liam: "I've just said I came back to talk and to sort things, is this how it's just going to be?"

Niall: "what did you expect? me to jump in your arms? ive felt like shit since you left"

Liam: "I didn't expect that but I thought we could talk about it. I had no choice but to leave they lost everything.... all my music went, I had to record them all again, I was supposed to be there a few weeks but I've worked all day and all night non stop to finish to come home to you" he looked to him "I'm sorry I've made you feel like shit, and I'm sorry how bad I am to you, and how I treated you, I shouldn't of I know"

Niall: "and it didnt accure to you to tell me that before you left ir give me a call? u cane back pushed me away and left . did you think i was honna figure that out myself? "

Liam: "I wasn't going to go I was going to quit everything, so we can have a normal life, as if it was a sign to say don't do it, but it was swirling around in my head, I just didn't know what to do and I panciked"

Niall: "you should of called.. we went to therapy liam because we needed ti talk to each othet and you just did the oposit, ive been blaming myself for days thinking i did something ready to pack my bags when you came home because i thought you wanted me away"

Liam: "I didn't want to talk to you over the phone I wanted to talk properly, you haven't done anything, it's my fault, all of it" he looked down "I do want you around, I just didn't want to be horrible to you"

Niall: "you wouldnt of been if you talked to me"

Liam: "But I couldn't without feeling angry, and I didn't want to take it out on you"

Niall: "can you stop with the excuses"

Liam: "They aren't excuses Niall" he sighed softly

Liam joined the chat 7 days ago

Niall: he looked away staying quiet

Liam: "It doesnt matter what i say you just going to say they are excuses"

Niall: "fine push me away again, don´t talk to me, but if you´re not going to say anything or try to understand how messed up it´s been you might as well go home"

Liam: "Im not even pushing you away, i was telling you but you keep saying its excuses, so i said doesnt matter what i say your going to keep saying it and im trying to say it, im trying niall, i seriously dont know what you want"

Niall: "I want you to at least understand what you did and try to make sense of it all instead of explaining to me what happened try to make it up to me, i´m sat here and I feel so far away from you, how about kiss me or touch me or let me know you still want me. Or tell me whats been going on because it kills me, I don´t know how to react"

Liam: "I do understand what ive done." he climbed up onto the bed crawling over to him. He lifted his head up "I aways want you, and always will, nothing for you has change ever, i still love you as much as i did when we first got together" he stroked his cheek kissing him softly

Niall: he looked at him with his tired eyes from crying kissing him back carefully. "please don´t leave like that again."

Liam: "Im not going to leave like that again, im staying here now, just me you and amy"

Niall: he nodded kissing him softly again " whats going on liam?"

Liam: "What you mean whats going on?" he bit his lip looking at him

Niall: "with you music" he asked looking concerned at him

Liam: "i ws nearly finished everything getting it ready for release, and they called me up saying theylost everything, all the recordings i worked hard on, it was either re do everything or not release anything"

Niall: "babe i´m so sorry " he stroke his cheek

Liam: "its just stressing me out really bad and i just dont know what to do anymore, im tired and sick because of how much ive been working this week its just so hard"

Niall: Niall moved climbing up into his lap stradeling him so he could get a good grip on him hugging him tightly

Liam: Liam wrappd his arms around him hugging into him nuzzling his face into his chest he just sat quietly hugging him

Niall: "I would of been there for you babe" he said playing with his hair

Liam: "I know, i just didnt want you caught up in the middle of it and see me that way"

Niall: he looked at him " i rather see every part of you than be pushed out baby"

Liam: "I know i'm sorry i just didnt think... thats my problem i dont think i just do it"

Niall: he chewed on his inner lip p"hows things now?"

Liam: "I managed to record a fair bit but i didnt want to stay over there, i feel better"

Niall: he nodded" okay" he kissed him softly " i love you

Liam: He kissed him softly in return "i love you too"

Niall: "good" he smiled softly

Liam: "how are you feeling? he asked softly looking at him

Niall: "i got a headache, but im good now when im back in your arms"

Liam: "Do you want some tablet or anything?" he stroked onto his hair

Niall: "yeah" he nodded " can you get me one?"

Liam: "Yeah i will ask your mum and get you some water and stuff"

Niall: "thank you" he kissed him again softly " do you want to go home or can we stay here for the night?"

Liam: "We can stay here, dont want you moving too much when you got a headache and amy is sleeping so i think its best to keep her settled" He kissed him softly standing up

Niall: he nodded laying down sighing as he looked up the ceiling hating a his head

Liam: Liam went to get him some tablets and some water, and something to eat incase he hadn't eaten before taking some tablets. He went back upstairs after making sure Amy was okay but she was still with Nialls mum so he didn't have to worry. He walked back in placing the water down sitting back on the bed. "i got you something to eat i dont want you feeling weak with the tablets" he handed him the small plate first

Niall: he sat up "thank you" he took the water and the tablett and swallowed it down

Liam: "Why don't you take a nice bath to relax yourself and your head might ease a little"

Niall: "im too tired to bath" he pouted" cant we just lay here? can rest my head on your chest and feel you close again"

Liam: "Okay no bath" he smiled taking off his clothing to his boxers to sleep in because that's all he had. He climbed under the covers opening his arms "its freezing in here, how are you so warm"

Niall: "im sweating" he said placing his head on his chest

Liam: Liam reached grabbing a wet sponge to press to nialls head "babe I don't think you are doing good, but your like my hot water bottle"

Niall: "im sweating all over you" he sat up a little "im sorry"

Liam: "Keep this on your head" he placed the sponge on his forehead "you should get checked over"

Niall: "no im fine might be a fever but its all ok" he laid on his back

Liam: "If it gets worse or you feel worse please go..." he looked down at him still cooling his body

Niall: he nodded"i promise" he gave him a small smile "i love you"

Liam: "Thank you" he was worried every time Niall was sick he hated it and wished he could do more. "I love you" he whispered stroking his cheek

Niall: he closed his eyes enjoying his touch not taking long before he ended up falling asleep

Liam: He made sure he was asleep kissing his forehead softly "sleep tight my baby" he whispered laying down beside him drifting not long after

Niall: Niall kept waking up feeling shit during the night finally able to sleep well in the norning

Liam: Liam kept checking on him when he woke. Making sure he was okay. He woke early in the morning laying quietly

Niall: niall woke up a bit after liam running his hands over his face

Liam: "Morning" he whispered "how you feeling?" He asked almost straight away showing his worry

Niall: "i bit better" he said quietly looking at him

Liam: "good, glad you feeling a bit better" he kissed him softly

Niall: he kissed him back giving him a small smile

Liam: "You look all tired baby" he pouted to him

Niall: "i haven´t slept well" he cuddled closer to him " how are you baby?"

Liam: "Is there anything i can do for you" he rubbed onto his back soothingly. "I'm okay now im back here with you"

Niall: he gave him a soft smile " just be here with me?"

Liam: "I'm not planning on going anywhere" he grinned kissing his head softly

Niall: he smiled enjoying his lips on his skin " you know if amy is awake?"

Liam: "No she was sleeping in your mums room with her so didn't dare go in incase I woke your mum, she might of shouted" he laughed softly

Niall: he smiled up at him taking his hand in his " I don´t think my mom would of liked that"

Niall: "she likes you , but not uninvited to her bedroom"

Liam: He linked their fingers playing softly with nialls "she would die if she woke up and saw me in there, and I don't want her to hate me"

Niall: "my mom would never hate you.. unless you hurt me or amy which i know you´ll never do" he kissed his hand

Liam: "I could never hurt you both, I'd hate myself and couldn't live with it" he smiled softly "did I hurt you when I left...."

Niall: he looked at him swallowing" you did...i thought it was me, it hurt me you didnt talk and that youd just leave without saying bye, even if i was angry, you didnt call either and i thought me calling would make it worse ,"

Liam: Liam nodded "I knew I did, I hated myself for just leaving, I wanted to call but I was scared you wouldn't want to talk to me after what I did and how I treated you, I was so horrible to you, I still have forgive myself for doing it, but I'll never do it again, I wanted you there, to help me, pick me back up when I fell, but I didn't give you that chance"

Niall: "let me help you now" he stroke his thimb over the back of his hand" and promise not to do that again"

Liam: A tear slipped down his cheek he finally let himself break not often letting himself cry he always was strong for Niall. He nodded "I don't know if I can do it Niall."

Niall: Niall sat up as he saw him cry wiping his tear before pulling to him " yes you can baby, i know you can"

Liam: Liam cuddled into him "but I see you and your amazing and you shine so much out there, what if people still don't like me? Or the style of music? I worry every time I go in there