#i am yet again not changing anything because this is pretty much a perfect post lkdfhlkhg

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Hi, could i request Alastor x reader where one of them does something nice/gives something to the other not realizing that in their culture it's equivalent of courting/proposing? And since the other is in love with them, they don't mention the connotations and it takes someone else to point it out for them to realize? :)

Going to be honest, I wasn't sure how to write this one, since I'm white and to my knowledge Alastor's a Creole man from 1930s, so I wasn't sure what from either of those cultures could be mistaken for a proposal. After doing some research I'm going to tweak this ask a bit, simply because I am not entirely comfortable representing other cultures that I am not a part of and only have a few hours worth of google research knowledge of. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted. If you or anyone has more specific traditions to use as examples, I'd be happy to try and expand on the idea.

(Or reinterpret this as like, flower language, gift giving symbolism by pagan standards, or crow language. Which not gonna liez my ADHD ass really wants to write a crow sinner giving them weird random stuff they find that they think the others would like.)

Anyway, I'm going to do things you'd do for each other that make you both wanna get married. Hope that's ok!

Alastor

It's not so much a single thing you do, but more like there is a single moment where he realizes he wants to marry you. And to be clear, his idea of marriage is going to be based off of what he grew up with and his own personal level of comfort with romance and intimacy (remember folks, aromantics have a spectrum as well and can get married and have perfectly happy, functional, healthy relationships and marriages).

It's probably not even a big grand gesture or anything. It's more likely something domestic and really sweet. Like it's post the finale fight with Adam, and he already knows he's getting attached because he let you help him get patched up. He lets you in his room, his space, and being touched by you is as easy and comfortable as it is with Rosie and Niffty, who have pretty much a free pass whenever.

Yet you're still always so respectful of his boundaries, of giving him subtle ways to avoid or redirect your touch if he's not feeling up to it. You never push, chosing to take what levels of affection he's willing to express but always letting him know you love him, and this last small thing is the thing that makes it click in his brain.

You bring him his coat, newly patched, cleaned of any trace of blood. The stitching is a little sloppy, crooked, and the fabric isn't lined up as well as it used to be, but you tried. He can see the effort and knows you spent hours holed up in your room after patching him up.

"I know it's not perfect, but it'll hold until you feel well enough to visit your tailor again." You say timidly, as if you expected rejection or critique. And while criticism wouldn't be unwarranted, he's just too emotional to say anything. His smile is gentle, a little wobbly, and he reaches out and brushes the coat aside to grab hold of you and pull you into a hug.

You're just so sweet and considerate, you understand him. He's not going to change, he doesn't want redemption, he thrives off the bloodshed and chaos of hell, but at the same time he's still just a man. And he wants you to be by his side for eternity, if he you want that too. He's never thought of marriage before but now...now he can't stop. He wants to have that with you. Domestic life, something to come home to.

He won't say anything right away, he wants his proposal to be perfect. He's going to have Rosie help him plan this every step of the way, but regardless, one day, you will be his partner.

As for what your moment with Alastor is, I think it entirely depends on what you value most in a partner. However, a general consensus I've seen in most of the fanfics and tumblr posts is the idea of Alastor showing us a softer side.

Not just showing us that he's more than a serial killer and cannibal with his own sense of morality. More than just feeling comfortable enough to let us initiate touch, hut genuinely letting us see past the Radio Demon persona.

Maybe it's by cooking for us and talking about how he learned the recipe from his Mama, which leads into him slowly opening up about her, how much he adored her. What she meant to him.

Maybe it's him and you at the bar in the hotel or in his room, sipping drinks, his jacket off, sleeves rolles up. Letting himself be casual and in a compromised state around you. Maybe he'll even take your hand and spin you across the dance floor like he used to with Mimzy. He doesn't even care if you're not that good, he can teach you, practice makes perfect, he just has fun with you.

Maybe it's a moment where he let's you touch him. Or seeks you out for help because he knows you won't say anything. Or if he humors you and flirts back when you tease him. Or let's say he has a tail and he doesn't snap your head off for accidentally touching it as you go by. Or he agrees to watch a movie with you or listen to a podcast despite how he feels about technology.

Maybe it's just a quiet night, sitting next to each other, each reading a book, his radio playing softly for background noise, and you look up to him to ask a question or say something and he's already watching you, a small, adoring smile on his face.

Take your pick of which one is the moment where your heart stops, your breath catches, and you realize that you wanna marry this man.

And then your delulu ass wakes up, lol.

Decide for yourself if you'd go through with a proposal or if you just accept how things are.

[shiny-kaibernyte]

Hihi,, another silly Drayton request,,,

Drayton x Reader who owns protective pokémon (mb a Silvally as their ace or main pkmn?)

You all never fail to impress me with these adorable ideas you all come up with! I'm so down for this one!!! I do hope you don't mind the fact I changed the Pokémon to be a Hisuin Arcanine. I am not the biggest Silvally or Type: Null fan (kinda dislike them lmao) Plus big fluffy doggy 💜💜

Pokémon Scarlett and Violet Indigo Disk DLC Spoilers ahead!

After a Pokémon somehow broke into the Academy and shut the power of to Drayton's dorm room. The pair of you bump into one another in the hall where your Arcanine is the least bit pleased about his sudden arrival.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD (Indigo Disk)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(I got an alpha Arcanine stuck though it was perfect for this)

Inside and out | Drayton x Reader

It was all over the school blog ‘Mass power outage on the second floor dormitories! No update yet on when power will be back! Will keep posted and up to date! On other news… Kieran finally to be dethroned?’ How in Arceus did a massive power outage occur? It rang in the back of your mind throughout the afternoon, curiosity tackling you at every possible moment whenever you would be wandering the halls. Unfortunately, when you finally caved in to your kitten instincts, the hallway was taped off. That wasn’t normal, it's just a power outage right?

“No this can’t be right…?” You question looking down at your phone then up to the stairs again.

“You can say that again!” A familiar voice chimed from behind you, before you even had a chance to turn around, you felt a head on your shoulder and arms wrapping around your waist, one of your pokeballs slightly rocking inside your pocket. “Quite the predicament wouldn’t you say?”

“Hello Drayton.” Chuckling you slightly turn your head towards your new companion, his hair slightly brushing against your cheek. He simply humed in response, looking up towards the tapped off stairs when you caught his attention again. “Any idea what caused this? Strage for the stairs to be blocked when it's just a power outage…”

“Well that, my Starlight, is because it's not just a power outage! Somehow a wild pokemon managed to get into the school without literally anyone seeing it, and torched up the breaker connected to the second floor, fried the whole thing, so even a simple light switch could spark it up. I only know this because Carmine dragged me out of bed… literally. I was having a very nice dream too, until I got carpet burns and bruises from her grip. Girls got a grip, I'll say that much.” Drayton chimed, getting a little off topic as he spoke.

“As long as everyones alright… Though, where are you guys all sleeping?” The thought suddenly popped in your head. It's blocked off and most likely can’t be fixed for quite some time. Plus with the fire hazards and the pokemon most likely still roaming in someone's dorm room now, it's definitely not safe in the slightest. “Are they going to put bed rolls down in the cafeteria?”

He shrugs finally letting you go to stretch out his arms before resting them behind his head as he starts to walk down the hall, “Yeah pretty much. I may need my beauty rest, but there's no way I'm sleeping on the floor with everyone else on that floor like a bunch of rattata.”

“You of all people don’t need beauty rest Drayton.” You teased now walking by his side, the pokeball in your pocket shaking more than before.

“You are such a sweetheart you know?” Drayton chimed, a bright smile crossing his face as he put his arm around your shoulder. But before he could do anything else the pokeball of yours finally sprung into action all on its own and out pops you Hisuin Arcanine. Expression unphased, you stare at your pokemon completely unamused, Drayton on the other hand has been pushed away from you with his hands in the air and surrendered. “Ah if it isn’t my arch nemesis, wonderful to see you again Arcanine!”

A low pitched growl followed his comment as the Arcanine backed up towards you expecting pets for his deed. Gently stroking its back you sigh disapprovingly, “Arcanine, how many times do we have to go through this, you both have to share my attention.”

“I’m not gonna hog them all the time you know! As much as I really want to…” Mumbling the last part, Drayton made an attempt to approach the Arcanine only to be met by the Pokemon’s glare. Seems his mumbling didn’t go unheard. “Think i just upset it…?”

“You upset Arcanine just by breathing near me, love.” You laugh scratching the underside of Arcnin’s chin as a temporary distraction.

“True true…” Drayton nodded, placing his hands in his pockets as a light smirk crossed his face. “Though try as it may, your Arcanine can never keep me from seeing my treasure.”

The bright red blush that crossed your face immediately made Drayton laugh out loud, he adored getting reactions like this out of you. Especially if Arcanine happened to be out of his ball, as it drove the pokemon nuts. Since day one, Drayton and your Arcanine never got along, no matter how hard he tried to get on Arcanine’s good side, it just fell upon deaf ears. After all Arcanine is the most loyal pokemon a trainer can have, and Drayton is basically the exact same. You are Arcanine’s trainer, and Drayton’s beloved treasure. So the pair will never stop fighting for your full attention! Even if you tell them otherwise.

“Arcanine, leave him be, you know nothing you do will stop me from spending time with him.” You respond, the Arcanine’s unamused huff followed. 

Drayton’s next mistake came the moment he let his winners smile show on his face, thinking teh Arcanine had given into you. The moment he moved, Drayton found himself watching you get pushed down the fall by the Arcanine’s nose before he even got close enough to touch you. You’d accepted this finding it too funny not to allow, Drayton however took a moment to actually process what was happening, eventually having to run after you two before he'd actually have to use his brain and find you. “HEY HEY! YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL THEM! THAT WASN’T PART OF OUR DEAL YOU FLUFFY HORDER!”

[speakofthedebbie]

you (read: i) asked so you shall recieve: radioapple fic recs august 2024 update!!

the following are the ones from the last post w/some minor changes (think: misspellings and even more osas praising) (sorry for the re-tags!!):

Bedtime Rituals to Try out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis

just yes. thousand times yes. so basically my boy luci has some sleep troubles and that somehow leads to a qpr with al look its been a while ok just read it

Managerial Liberties by the same fella

these two tags explain it pretty well

something that sticks out to me about this is that charlie is actually (reasonably) cold to adam and like. im actually surprised with how little ive seen that. i mean i dont think id be exactly buddy-buddy with my besties killer either. only 4 chaps as of writing but already looking to be a radioapple classic. has the same vibe as bedtime rituals, but it is NOT a sequel

devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss

also just yes. basically a really not cool joke evolves into a blossoming romance because why wouldnt it. (man if i had a nickel for every radioapple fic that had a masquerade that was sabotaged by the vees- *gets shot bc i cant mention osas yet*)

i’ll hold you close (i’ll stay the course) by the same fella

the entire time i was just going "yas king! put that egotistical flatscreen in his place!!". basically luci reminds the overlords who he is and vox shows he can be more of a threat than he lets on.

ykw fuck it just the entire series (i didnt mention i would give anything to not give a shit (but i do) and my perfect rock bottom (my beautiful trauma) because the first one sounded a lil too angsty and ive gotten enough of that from other sources [pointedly glares at Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love {also coming up later!}] and the second is (mostly) smut

Of Saints and Sinners by the forever amazing @morningstarwrites!! (if you see this i have a serious question: is this your first time ever writing a fic? because how do you get so much right the first time- [not even beginners luck could explain this level of skill])

if youre even half the radioapple fanatic i am and havent read this, literally what are you doing?? i could sing its praises until my death bed but ill hold off so i can explain whats happening. basically after burning down a meeting room several times, luci and al make a deal ("not a deal!", luci laments to the void): they will attempt to be civil and maybe even friendly, with some daily compliments sprinkled along the way, and by the end luci will owe al a favour. whats the favour? read it yourself dammit! seriously, 10/10, i foam at the mouth every friday

Quietly, It Slips Through Your Fingers, Love by Starlit_Rainfall (no tumblr in sight, so AO3) (i. urgfgh. what happened. i was just smiling over the fluff while crossing to go to school. where did it go. where did it gooooo)

if thats anything to go by, the last few chapters have been rough. the fluff feels so far away that i cant even explain what happens. luci was waxing poetic about swimming in maple syrup for al, i remember that much. lilith is particularly an asshole even tho we havent seen her yet (or maybe we have. idr, mightve chatted with al) also emily is there (fallen) and has a lil smth to do with als and liliths deal. if you read it, warning for the gut punch of angst that starts chap 32 "She/Her" (though the chapter before that, "Should Alastor Know By Now?" ends pretty rough too)

Freely We Serve by @romanaxe

i dont remember how i managed to stumble upon this but im having a great time. basically alastor is a new sinner fresh in hell (but time doesnt matter and the whole cast is still here) and thinks "what better way to gain power than be the personal assistant of the heartbroken king of hell!" features a 6-7 (rosies words) year old charlie and a morally dubious lilith (also i loved eepy al X3)

A Family Forged in Hellfire by Green_Ghostwriter (once again, no Tumblr, so AO3)

this ones a bit newer (10 chaps), is so far mostly exposition and the slowburn pot hasnt even been put on the stove, but as just a hazbin fic in general i see the potential. basically its a 1920s(30s?) au where heaven decides little charlie doesnt deserve to be raised in hell and is sent to earth with a "foster" family where her actions in life will determine witch realm she will return to after death. her "parents", al and mimzy, are given false memories so they can claim the girl as their own and gee i wasnt kidding when i said it was a lot of exposition. erm honestly explaining anymore would tech be spoiling so go read it!!

The Red Thread That Binds Us by @scun-gilli

{{future me prefacing this by saying i have no idea where i was going with yesterdays thought process, all you need to know from it was im on chapter 27. also scungilli your comment is making me very worried 😟 well theres no mcd tag so im sure itll fine, right? RIGHT, SCUNGILLI??}}

basically its a king x kings guard au where al and luci grow up together and only grow closer after a. certain life event for al (its fine guys trust :)) [she said, like a liar]) then al is sent off for royal guard training school (ik its not called that i forgor 😭) but dw he comes back. just watch out for graphic depictions of injuries (i think thats this fic) angst and a sneaky eve bc radioapple fics are allergic to happiness (or maybe im not looking hard enough lol) (also im really tempted to make the friendship bracelets they had 👀)

somewhere down the line by kj_crwm (AO3 link)

this one starts off as human!alastor/lucifer but by the middle(?) its just regular radioapple. basically al is encountered by luci while finishing off a job who agrees to keep quiet. luci just keeps on showing up, reveals hes the devil to which al us just like "lol ok" and eventually they get in a relationship (ooh lala 👀) but they break up after saying some hurtful things to each other (oh nono 👀) with luci promising al they will never cross paths again. if you watched the show then well. you know that doesnt happen 😂 most human!al radioapple have al summon him (no hate to them) so this was an interesting change of pace

new recs below!! ↓↓

Alastor and Lucifer do whatever the Hell this is (series) by Vagabond_Sloth (personally asked, no Tumblr, but they might make one 👀)

i know this is radioapple fic rec post but... *cough* Husk and Angel do a Romance for some soft huskerdust *cough* anyway- basically, a perplexing flower arrangement leads to a blossoming something between the resident radio demon and king of hell. seriously, its some good shit, and the author is really nice!

A Compliment A Day by @decembercamiecherries

spinning this around in my head at all times

basically, a classic "charlie makes al and luci compliment each other as a bonding excessive" but it does not disappoint (check out her other three radioapple fics too)

a lovely night (lalaland is that you??) and pancakes, small talk by @mirotic_chess (X Twitter account)

in a lovely night they do a lil dancey dancey and in pancakes, small talk luci makes some pancakes!!

Sin and Sentiment and Time On My Hands by demon_fawn (supposed Tumblr leads to a dead end)

oh my god future debs here and i am so fucking tired of doing these descriptions but. um. the plot for sin and sentiment def seems very interesting and time on my hands is an incomplete (but good!) attempt at radioapple week. hmm not sure if they still post bc the most recent update was july 12th

honestly just every radioapple fic by @otoshigo (i think ive read all but Forbidden Fruit of the Poisonous Tree)

if you look underneath the little island that is radioapple, on god otoshigo is one of the creators holding it up. all 19 (yes, 19. we eatin good tonight [excluding forbidden fruit]) of their radioapple fics are fantastic, buuut if i had to recommend anything specific: A Guide to the Care and Maintenance of the King of Hell (fuck count furfur!) and The Devil's Trip to the Big Apple

not to continue the trend, but basically anything by @thief-of-eggs (even the singular huskerdust) but personal recommendations: Trust and Hair Pets and Let Me Be Your Shelter (sickfics 🔛🔝)

idk if youll catch me doing the descriptions for these anymore shit was exhausting

tagging time!!!! (i want to end it all)

[joltik-guy]

[Off screen post. End of current arc]

Joltik stood infront of the doorway to the void. Their stupid awful, inhuman body shaking, betraying the illusion of confidence.

They didn’t want to go in.

That’s what everything came down to. They didn’t want to.

They didn’t want to remember. They didn’t want to stay here. They didn’t want to be a hero. They didn’t want to be bitten by that stupid little spider. They…

Didn’t know what they wanted. But it wasn’t this.

Anything would be better than this.

…

They step through the door.

Yet they weren’t met with torture. Or pain.

Just themself.

A younger version of them, by less than a year or so.

 Or maybe not at all. They were just. Different. They were right.

Their hair was brown, their eyes, a normal shade of blue. There were no major eye bags or grey hairs from stress. Their face was free of the diagonal scar that they were used to seeing in the mirror. Their arms were beautifully clean of scars and marks.

A jolteon stood beside them. Their Jolteon. Oatis.

They were perfect. A wonderful contrast to Joltiks broken, glitching, inhuman body.

And they could’ve been that. But it was ripped away from them.

And that hurt more than any torture could’ve.

“…”

Young them smiled, eerily calm

“I’ve been expecting you.”

“What is this? Why did you bring me here?”

Their smile fades, they take a step towards joltik, who takes a step back in turn.

“You needed a break.”

A sour laugh escapes Joltik’s mouth, they clench their fists, not breaking eye contact with themself.

“And who are you to decide that? CD needed me! People in the city needed me!

You ruined me

 I needed to be reliable and you ruined that- for what? Because ‘I needed a break’ You don’t get to decide that“

The jolteon growls at them, but the perfect version of themself simply takes another step towards jotlik, smile returning.

“I am you. You wanted this.”

“No”

“You were tired. You wanted everything to stop because all you were doing is giving yourself out to everyone. Every second of your life was a chore, you didn’t even like CD. You didn’t like Astro. They were just people to save.”

“SHUT UP”

“…”

“…”

“If you wanted to be treated like a human, then you should start treating yourself like one. We’re not just a hero. We’re a person.”

“Are we?”

Joltik snaps, irritated. When they are met with silence, they continue.

“What do I have to do to get out of here?”

“Prove it. Prove you're going to start treating us properly. Prove you’re going to love people again, not just save them. Prove you can be a person.”

“I’m not a person.”

“Good luck leaving here.”

Their voice was starting to get bitter, not so perfect after all.

“How could I even prove that? I’m stuck in this fucking metaphor with my metaphorical inner self how could I do anything meaningful at all?”

“We mean a lot more than you think.”

Joltik sits. Thinking. They need to leave… but.

They do want to be themself.

Whoever that is.

Not just joltik.

 Even if its imperfect. Even if they’re bad at it.

How to stop being a superhero…

It’s unclear how long joltik sat there before the realisation hit them.

A name. Their name. Something they never bothered to change.

Proof that they could be more than a self destructive hero.

…

It took them much longer to decide.

Something different from what they have been.

Something pretty. Like they could be.

“Avery. They can call me Avery.”

-----

Their eyes open. It was time to live

[schizosamwincester]

Hello! Welcome my sideblog! If you want to see me post about not Supernatural, my main is @drowninginredink.

If you're not going to read this introduction, it/its please, yes I am actually schizophrenic, and beware, incest lies ahead. The rest is below the cut.

Fics:

You sound absurd, even if you're right - schizophrenic!Sam, sampreg, Sam & Dean, past Sam/Lucifer

Sissy - closeted trans woman!Dean/John

Sister - Sam finds out about trans woman!Dean (Sam & Dean)

I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss

But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans woman!Dean & closeted trans woman!John

Take My Body - trans man!Sam/John

A disfiguring chicken pox of the soul - weirdcest, weecest, trans boy!Sam/trans girl!Dean (not that either knows it yet)

like the baptism he never had - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (All Hell Breaks Loose)

Silver Linings - Sam/Dean, necrophilia, piss (yes, again. But this time it's Mystery Spot)

Tonight I give in to the fantasy - Trans woman!Dean, sex worker!Dean

I'll use you as a warning sign - Sam/John, Dean/John, unplanned pregnancy

Webweaves:

Sober II/samjohn

An Overdue Downfall/Sam

The Sonnet-Ballad/deanjohn

Drowning in the Sound/John

I Haven't Masturbated in Five Days for Fear of Crying/wincest

Z-E-P-H-Y-R/Sam and Dean (and the Impala)

Big Houses/wincest

And Saints/John and Mary

The Cigarette Duet/wincest

What Makes a Man?/deanjohn

Rent/wincest

The Moon Will Sing/John & Dean

less words/wincest

Bike/wincest

Big Houses/Dean

San Cristóbal/Sam

Young and Dumb/Sam (implied wincest)

Father/deanjohn

I use mostly my own screenshots for weaves, so if you ever want one for your own thing, just ask and I'll send you the original!

All the posts about my pet headcanon are tagged "#schizophrenic sam winchester." Creative, I know. The occasional solely schizophrenia related posts are tagged "#schizospec education." Queue tag is #hallqueuecinations and oh boy do I have way too much stuff queued. I do tag ships so you can filter them out if you want to, but like... I am a johndean and wincest person. If you really don't want to see that, you should just leave.

I am watching SPN for the first time and am currently on episode S3 E7. Don't worry about spoiling me. Trust me, I've already been all over SPN tumblr. And yes, I am already headcanoning Sam as schizophrenic despite having not yet gotten to the part where he actually hallucinates. Pretty early on, I'd seen enough from the fandom to know that Sam was going to give me ~feelings~ as a schizophrenic, but Home was what sold me on it. The way he responds to the vision is exactly like my experience of delusions. It's like having blinders on. You can't think about anything else and you need to figure it all out and fix it right this minute. It's urgent and obsessive in the same way Sam was. His body language, too, was just perfect, down to just what he did with his hands. I look at Sam, especially Sam getting visions, and I see myself. So. Sam Winchester is schizophrenic. Not in some "Sam hallucinated the entire show" way (God I hate those theories) or that none of the supernatural stuff is real. Everything we see is real, but Sam's brain also pulls some shit of its own.

A very important note, given the name of my blog: schizo is a slur. I reclaim it a lot. I was diagnosed by people who want to change the definition of schizophrenia, and so for a long time, I was explicitly told not to call myself schizophrenic. That's bullshit. My symptoms aren't quite traditional, and I am at the more mild end, but as per the current DSM? I'm schizophrenic. But because for a long time I got told "you're schizo-spec, but not schizophrenic," the word I associate myself with more than anything is schizo. I try to actually write out schizophrenic when I'm on this account, but in real life, I usually don't. But if you are not anywhere on the schizophrenia spectrum, you should not say it (unless you're tagging me). I don't want my handle to give anyone the idea that you can go around calling Sam a schizo. I can. You can't.

My purpose isn't directly to educate about schizophrenia, but I know that the general cultural perception of it misses a lot, so just by shouting about how I headcanon Sam as schizophrenic, I will accidentally teach you all things. In light of that, there will be the occasional reblog of not at all SPN related awareness posts, and my asks are always open. You all have my permission to ask rude and personal questions about it that you should not ask strangers. Schizophrenia is basically a special interest of mine at this point. I am very open about stuff, not so much because of desire to educate or what have you but just because part of my schizophrenia is having very little filter. I will say that if you ask me about the delusions I've had, you're going to get an incomplete answer because going into them too much can be triggering. Everything else is on the table, though.

My banner is from this webweave (which I made).

And once again, I am very much johndean trash, with a strong love for samjohn. I do certainly partake in my fair share of wincest as well, but really, I'm here for The Dad Ships. Point is, this blog is very much not an incest-free zone. I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're watching The Incest Show. What do you expect? If you do not like that, block me now and move on.

Fun fact: my birthday is November 5. No wonder I eventually broke down and decided I needed to see what SPN actually was.

[hyperfixationtimego]

hi that post about the Velma plot synopsis is literally very obviously an excerpt from a biased third-party article, not what the show is actually about. You can tell via the way the last sentence of the excerpt is worded, as it’s intentionally condescending and meant to portray the show itself in a negative light.

Not to mention, that excerpt gets a couple things wrong, actually. In referring to Daphne only as an “orphan,” it’s effectively omitting the fact that she has two adoptive mothers who are indeed present in her life and have good intentions, regardless of whether or not the effects of their actions are ultimately positive or negative. To be entirely clear, they’re a bumbling pair of lesbian cops who are bad at their job. like yeah acab whatever but my point is that Daphne isn’t the cruel, miserable one-note character that excerpt makes her out to be; it’s all just facets of the character that the show hasn’t even gotten the chance to fully develop yet, because we only have 2 episodes out so far.

And the implications of Fred’s portrayal as rich, white, and privileged…..yeah? i mean, he is? but again, that’s not the only facet of his character we get to see, and it’s very clear that the show has at least some plans in mind for his arc and character journey. You’re not meant to just hate him completely; I’m fairly certain the intent of his character is to watch him slowly change and connect better with the other mystery inc members as we get further into the show.

Because that’s the thing! I’m pretty sure the characters are meant to be assholes to each other right now!! This is a prequel - therefore, we already know they’re all going to end up being friends with each other. VELMA is just showing us that, in this continuity, they weren’t always that way towards each other. That’s the whole point of the show; it’s showing us the journey!

Is it perfect? Absolutely not! Not all of the jokes land perfectly, and I personally think the storytelling & pacing could use a fair bit of revision, but it deeply saddens me that everybody seems to be more focused on insulting the show and its creators rather than engaging in constructive criticism of it.

there are a lot of issues and controversies surrounding the show, I know, but I do have to point out that the exact moment it was revealed that three of the characters would be reimagined as POC, people started tearing the show to shreds, and we barely knew anything else about it! So forgive me for taking all the egregious hatred and disgust people have for it with a hefty grain of salt!!

Ugh, I’m trying to cram as much into one post as possible, but here, let’s talk about the TERF thing. The accusations I’ve (very suddenly) heard of Kaling’s bigotry are DEFINITELY an incredibly important thing to be aware of, and I have no intention of defending her or her behavior, but I am positively BEGGING you guys to look into these things yourself rather than simply taking some internet rando’s word as bible for what is and isn’t ethically pure to consume. I’m literally a trans person, but I’m not going to assume someone’s evil because I saw ONE screenshot of them supposedly liking a transphobic tweet; that’s not a reliable source of information!!! Research her and her actions yourself before coming to a conclusion!

If the things you find out about Kaling make you uncomfortable with engaging with the things she creates or contributes to, that’s entirely your call! HOWEVER, it’s also not an inherently bad thing to watch and engage with things made by people with contrary perspectives to your own; when you keep an open mind and engage with things critically, you’re exposing yourself to various viewpoints, styles, humor, & perspectives that, even if they aren’t necessarily your thing, are still important to understand and be aware of.

by no means am I telling you that you have to watch the show; I’m only asking for everyone to be a bit more open-minded and a bit more civil in their discussion of media as a whole.

[thefourchimes]

🍌🍈

Wasn't able to answer this last night as I had passed out and then I got really busy the whole day today, whoops, my bad about that, but here we go!

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

Ooooh...well, as mentioned in the previous ask, I haven't actually posted anything for Encanto yet, and while I probably have a lot of possible choices from my other fandoms, I can't remember any from the others off the top of my head atm oof

Plus most of my stuff is angst instead of crack AHSFUIHAFS but I'll do my best

So yes, a joke/reference/pun I've made for a fic...I honestly have a few in mind right now for Encanto, ones from the 233 page AU, but if I say it now, it'll lose its magic when I hopefully post it AHSFUHASF

I'll probably just mention this one scene I had written for the one All of Us Are Dead fic I have, one that still makes me laugh every time I reread it:

It probably doesn't help that my sense of humor sucks but it's funny to me at least HASUFHASF

My bad if I wasn't really able to answer this properly 😅

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ah, this question <3

I don't think I made it too obvious as to who my blorbo is before, besides a few posts and the fact that I love all the cool sisters so much, so yeah, guess it's time to "reveal" it

It's Isabela

I remember watching Encanto again all those months ago, the moment where my hyperfixation was about to rear its head and grab me by the throat, never letting go

As that was happening, the feral, chaotic, and unhinged cactus gremlin sister decided to jump me too

I can't remember exactly when I knew she was my favorite, but I just knew that she already was before I even fully realized it

I had WECID on repeat for a long while at one point

I think her exploring herself after everything hit me hard, I relate to her so much in a way, ngl... (except the hilarious thing is that I'm not even Isabela in this case, I'm the youngest out of my three siblings so I'm technically Mirabel in a sense ASHFIASF)

But anyway, I digress, my thoughts on her (along with my ideas for her that pop up in fics—er, will pop up anyway) are so wild that I'm not too sure on how to write it down in paragraph form, plus it probably won't be anything new since someone else in the fandom has probably already mentioned these, but I guess we keep going with it in a chaotic and wild way, true to Isabela's character (apologies in advance for the explosion of thoughts—except also not really sorry):

She's chaos incarnate, a force of nature that is so very extra and so petty as hell but it's okay because we love it sm

We don't get to see it all as much though because of her mask, but that just makes me even happier since she gets to be free post movie

She's acrobatic and athletic as seen in WECID, not to mention her skill with vine swinging, but that doesn't mean she didn't get at least a bit of clumsy genes from Agustin in some way, she just hides it pretty well due to her mask of perfection

She's always colorful and changing colors every time, experimenting with all the possibilities and she changes the color of her hair strand a lot too

She makes and discovers and explores all kinds of plants (ones she keeps track of to know what they are and what they can do), but we all know she has a soft spot for cacti <3

She knows a lot about flower and plant language, whether already having knowledge during the movie or learning after

She loves her family so much that she would and has sacrificed her happiness for them, that's something I admire so much but am also sad about because she really loves her family that she wants them happy even if she can't be happy, ow—

This seems to be a consensus the fandom has: she's one of the ones who will most likely murder someone and will kill for her siblings, very protective of her sisters and her family <3

Speaking of which, she has a ridiculously overpowered gift, one she has just as ridiculous control over as well, that I cackle and shake my head every time when someone just underestimates her and her gift

We know how she wants to be free but is feeling trapped as she's forced into perfection, half due to her own making and half due to others boxing her in, so there are lots of fake smiles and pretending on her part, but that does mean she's a pretty good actress considering she had everyone fooled for so long

I fucking love her bonds and relationships with her sisters and her cousins, but, as my PFP is indicating, especially the cool sisters

They weren't close with each other for several reasons for a long while, not even mentioning the strained relationship between her and Mirabel, but to see them have the chance to connect again and make up for everything was done and all that happened after the events of the movie? I love it so much aaaaaa

She teases the hell out of them in various ways, that's for sure, the sister vibes are so real <33

But that doesn't mean the cousins are left out here, ofc, the exploration of dynamics is always so nice and fun to see

I love all the grandkids so much <33333

I want to keep going so badly but I feel like I'd never finish this ask if I do AUISFHUIASHF plus I'm very sure I forgot something, but oof 😔

Ngl, this was me the entire time I was trying to answer this question:

Isabela <33

yep, that tracks HASFUIAHSF but yeah, thanks for the ask!! :DD <33

[yourladystar]

Star's Engage Catalogue Day 34 (part 5)

I feel that it's only right to showcase the final team that will be joining me.

And I have to split it into 2 posts because Tumblr has a 10-picture limit.

Don't really think I have to explain why Alear has been a strong fighter. You see those stats and you see why I had Marth stick with him, those two are a perfect fit.

But I wanna talk about how shocked I am by Alear's character. He's genuinely up there with Corrin and Shez as one of the best avatars this series has done. His story is engaging, he's a joy to watch in anything he does or says, his voice acting is immaculate, he's so God flippin adorable! I'll definitely talk more about him another time, but he managed to become one of my favorite characters in all of Fire Emblem, something I never expected to happen playing this game!

Again, don't think I need to explain why a dancer is good. And while Corrin worked with him for a while, Byleth is a better option, especially with the stats he gives.

And Seadall surprised me with his character. His alluring nature and way of speaking, his wisdom and experience from his past, the struggles he deals with from his lifestyle, and the way he can inspire others even when he doesn't believe in himself. I don't know how some of y'all can say he's boring, this sh*t is lovely.

Also he's pretty as hell, but I think you can see that.

Rosado has been a reliable fighter who can just about any enemy I have him face. Good stats, weapon variety and flyer mobility make him extremely versatile. Leif has been the best fit for him, since his stat boosts and skills work best for how Rosado functions in battle.

His character is also wonderful. A perfect evolution of Forrest and wonderful rep for trans, genderfluid, crossdresser's, and gender questioning people in a time where they really need positive representation. Plus he's spunky and sassy while also being caring and supportive.

Amber is a weirdly good example of hard-hitting but fragile. His low speed and res make him susceptible to one-hit kills, but the enemy can't do that if he doesn't kill them in one hit first. Eirika also works weirdly well for him, as the twins' skills suit whatever I need him to do that turn.

But I can overlook all of that for his character. I love this doof! He's so dumb and goofy but filled with so much positivity and cheerfulness it's hard not to smile at his antics. Even when he royally f*cks something up, you can't help but smile and go, "Youre doing amazing, sweetie."

Alcryst might just be the strongest member of my team and Lyn really helped to bring out his true potential. Her skills perfectly suit his play style and ensure that any he fights will not survive, whether it'd be death by crit, death by Luna, or Alacrity stopping the opponent from even fighting back. And with me giving him avoidance skill, literally nothing can even touch him. It's honestly ridiculous how busted this unit is.

And don't get me started on how much I love this little skrunkly! He stole my love the second his first scene ended and it only got better with each scene he got. I just wanted this boy to have love and happiness and seeing him get that from everyone in his life- his brother, his retainers, his friends, his boyfriend- they all just make me smile.

Alfred has a rocky middle, but he really picked up. Once I started utilizing the resources I got and realized that he got swords after being promoted, Alfred really came into his own and started being a powerhouse. Sigurd has been his Emblem since the start. No one else can really utilize his movement the same way Alfred does.

Alfred also shocked me with his character. I already liked him enough for the goofy and entertaining meathead he was, but the second I unlocked his A-support with Céline, everything I perceived about him changed! He went from being just a fun and silly presence to one of the most tragic yet hopeful characters in this. Someone who, even knowing they have little time left, refuses to give up and continues to strive forward to protect everything and everyone he cares. Someone who doesn't ask for your pity and will always be put you first.

I couldn't have picked a better person to give the Pact Ring to.

Alflear for life, baby!

Zelkov is a unit that started off good and continued to be good throughout the entire game. I've never been in a position where it felt like bringing him along was an inconvenience, even when there was no chest for him to unlock. Hell, for the longest time, he didn't even need an Emblem to assist him, but when I did decide to give him one, the Three Houses lords for him like a glove.

And God, I love listening to him talk! I had no idea what to expect out of him during the lead-up to Engage, but I am so happy with what I got. An enigmatic and mysterious yet sweet, caring, and helpful man who seems like an autistic coded goat on the surface but is just using his many hobbies to avoid dealing with the trauma of his childhood- that is right up my alley!

I'll do the second half in the next post.

[lunawings]

So lately I have been having

EMOTIONS

about Tales of Symphonia

A while back I was jokin in the tags of a post about how I’m playing ToS for the IDK 5th time or something when I still haven’t played Arise. 

But dammit GODDAMMIT there is a reason for that I KNEW there was 

Tales of Symphonia immediately became my favorite game upon release for the Gamecube and stayed that way for a long time. Well. Most of the time. Because sometimes, I forget. I have played a lot of Tales games and a lot of them (Abyss, Xillia, Zestiria...) have had a pretty huge impact on me on release. So, I do forget. But when I pick up Symphonia again, I remember. 

The affection system just changes EVERYTHING! I am continuously in awe, even all these years later, about how many little things it effects. It changes the dialogue, it changes where characters STAND in certain scenes, and like... they put so much effort into it that they must have burned themselves out because they never did it again in another Tales game! Yeah, I don’t know anything about Arise, but as far as I know, they never even came close! GAH! 

So it’s been years but I vaguely remembered that when Sheena joins your party has to do with the path you take. So I tried to get her early but I ended up screwing up (because I couldn’t find Hima) so I went back to the normal path but I still didn’t know how to find her again and felt like I was wandering the map forever like SHEENA SHEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAA where are you ( ._.)

I didn’t want to check a walkthrough but finally I did after she joined after curiosity, and I found that the point where she joins you if she likes you is actually the more common outcome. She can join you even later than I thought if she doesn’t like you BUT that’s actually the least common outcome because basically you have to be mean to her in order to get that. And nobody wants to be mean to Sheena because I CANNOT find a playthrough where that happens!!! I’m curious! I wanna see it! ...But I don’t wanna be mean to Sheena ( ToT) If anyone knows of a video where Sheena joins during the Asgrad Ranch let me knowwwww....

(Edit: I finally found one.  Dad’s Freetime Classic Gaming hates Sheena apparently, thank you for that hahah.)

Speaking of being mean to characters, the game begins in a way that it’s somewhat harder to get the characters who join your party later in the game to like you the best. Well, you can, but you have to be sorta mean to the characters early in the game. Especially Colette. 

Now. Younger me, aka the Zelloyd shipper, had absolutely no problem with this. Zelos was her favorite character. Screw Colette with her perfect blonde hair and her sparkly angel wings who does she think she is. Zelos was my type. I mean, yeah he’s broken but I CAN FIX HIM. 

But older me...

I...

I ca...

I JUST CAN’T BE MEAN TO HER

I LOVE

I LOVE COLETTE 

I just I understand her so much better now. She’s NOT perfect. She’s not perfect at all. How she hides her pain so that no one will worry about her is SO RELATABLE. Colette COME HERE SO I CAN PROTECT YOU. 

AHHHHHHHHHH

I’d love to get a later character I’ve never gotten before like Presea to like me the best but the way things are going I’m probably gonna end up with Colette.... uuuuu...

And I still have yet to meet...

I want to think I’m over guys like that. I ca... I can’t fix him. 

Him. 

The idiot chosen himself.

But

I don’t know. I’m scared HAHAHA nnnnOOOOOOOOO

[artekai]

tag game (Horizon)

Thanks @nerd-artist for tagging me!! I am flattered :3

1. ride or die ship (your otp): GAIA/Lis ❤️ I felt so validated when Sylens said the "two moms" thing, you have no idea.

2. most annoying ship: I plead the fifth

3. second favourite ship: Erevad! I never considered them until I read a really good fic about them and I was sold lol.

4. favourite platonic relationship: Hmm 🤔 I really enjoy Aloy & Sylens :D I missed him a lot in HFW (given he wasn't in our Focus any longer). mlm-wlw hostility real. Also, Aloy & Gildun and Aloy & Morlund are both very sweet but I suppose they have similar vibes lol.

5. underrated ship: Any of the ones I mentioned lol, I feel like they don't get as much love as others, haha. Which is understandable because it makes sense to gravitate more towards the GAIA gang! But other than that 🤔 I think Aloy/Zo and Aloy/Alva are pretty cute and underrated, even if I don't exactly ship them myself c:

6. overrated ship: I plead the fifth

7. one thing i would change in canon: *side eyes HFW hard*

Just one thing, though? I'd have to concur with most of the people I've seen do this tag game so far and say it's Varl's death. I'm pissed about that.

8. something canon did right: Other people have also mentioned it before me, but I think Horizon's writing excels at the datapoints. Just slowly having to figure out the past, putting the pieces together, getting glimpses of the tragedies (and the little joys) that once happened in those places, filling in the blanks... The environmental storytelling is amazing 👌. The intrigue, the curiosity, the mystery. It really scratches the urge to explore abandoned places and imagine what it was life was like for the people who once lived in them, so close yet so far away. HZD really did it well with the Zero Dawn facilities and I think HFW captured that magic again with Thebes. I crave more of that.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: I'm not sure I can say anything I make is "for the fandom" since I only make OC stuff 😭 Believe me, I want to be more integrated in the fandom, but not as much as I want to focus on the blorbos from my brain 😔

I guess I can mention To Err is Human, my vampire AU fic, since, if all goes according to plan, that should be relatively fairly split between my OCs and canon characters. Sorry that it's taken me so long to update tho :( As for art, please look at my man :) And here he is again with my favorite Aloy I've drawn lol. I also still really like this one! Also this. And this. And this. And

I've realized I could go on all day actually so I'll stop myself now lol.

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Sylens. I love him, crimes and all.

11. the character I relate to the most and why: Beta. Something something about characters who have the same neuroses as you but in their world their neuroses are justified (sigh). And Gildun! His quest in Burning Shores really grabbed me by the throat, oof. In some ways I also relate to Aloy but not as much, I think.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: Well, I could just name the usuals, Ted Faro, the Ceo, Lansra, etc. But they're the characters we're meant to hate, so, ironically, it doesn't feel right to say I hate them, you know? I appreciate a well-crafted villain, and I definitely appreciate their role in the narrative. So, do I really hate them? Yes but actually no.

It's like that one post that goes "I don't care if a villain is redeemable or not but by god please make them interesting." I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little bit insane about the likes of Faro and the Ceo lol, so I'd say they did their job. I actually enjoy them being in the narrative.

As for the Zeniths... I used to just hate them straight up, not just for what we're meant to hate them, but for what they did to the narrative. I then started my quick descent into madness until I came to love to hate them lol. But I still think they deserve this spot more than anyone else given that they still make me see red half of the time.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: uhhhhh I'm not sure? Interesting to see the differences between the Persona fandom and the Horizon fandom I guess. In a lot of ways they have the same issues all fandoms have but idk, it's different. I'll leave it at that.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: I don't really read as much fic as I would like to because of readers' block... But when I do, I feel like I tend to look for Beta-centric stuff. And Nemesis stuff hehe but there's very little of that. I feel like, at least in this fandom, I tend to gravitate more towards genfic instead of ship-heavy stuff. Those aren't three tags but still three things so fair enough.

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: I have a few playlists but I'm not sure any songs in particular jump out to me as much as Sad Machine by Porter Robinson, which has been my quintessential Horizon song from the moment I finished HZD. It still gives me the same chills that going through ELEUTHIA-9 gave me... God, I really wish I could go back to when I was first playing it and experience that feeling again. I might actually cry listening to it now.

Tagging: @banukaihelpme, @cicadaknight, @thatpunnyperson, @snorkeldays and @hartlesshart, but absolutely no pressure to do it! I guess this is more of a [insert your fandom here] thing, so, for any other mutuals who see this, if you wanna do it for your fandom, please tag me as your tagger, I would love to see it 🙏

[burningdarkfire]

books i read in jan 2024

[these are all short + casual reviews - feel free to ask about individual ones if u want my full thoughts or ask for my goodreads!!] 

the tail end of winter break + flights to the other side of the world and back + two week vacation means i am so fucking back, baby

prince's gambit (reread) + king's rising (reread) + the summer palace + the adventures of charls, the veretian cloth merchant + green but for a season - c.s. pacat ★★★★★ (fantasy romance)

nothing like tearing through the whole capri series to start off your year by changing your brain chemistry yet again. it's not a perfect series but it is so good at the erotic and the romantic and the perfect push and pull of tension !!

locklands - robert jackson bennett ★★★★★ (fantasy)

fantastic and utterly satisfying end to the series. i'm always trying to pitch these books as much as possible because the magic system is one of my favourites ever and rjb has an understanding of themes if i've ever seen one

[reread] jane, unlimited - kristin cashore ★★★★★ (YA fantasy)

still love this genre-bending mind-fuckery of a book. it's an interesting take on grief and a positive look at the potentiality of both the universe and individuals

a beautifully foolish endeavor - hank green ★★★★★ (scifi)

utterly shocked considering how little i liked the first book but i found this one compulsively readable and absurdly fun. it still reads like someone very online wrote it but i enjoyed the ride this time

the rest of us just live here - patrick ness ★★★★☆ (YA fantasy contemporary)

solid and pretty standard YA contemporary that has some bonus fun fantasy that made it much easier to swallow for someone who doesn't like YA contemporaries very much

a power unbound - freya marske ★★★★☆ (historical fantasy romance)

decent conclusion to the series and a hot romance that kept me invested, but the "plot" dragged and took up so much pagetime

bloodmarked - tracy deonn ★★★★☆ (YA fantasy)

obvious second book syndrome with wacky pacing and a bloated cast of characters, but it handled a lot of trope-y YA stuff pretty deftly and i am deeply curious where this plot is going to lead

moon of the turning leaves - waubgeshig rice ★★★★☆ (post-apocalyptic)

decent sequel that trades in the horror of the first book for a more survivalist bent. i don't think it's particularly interesting if you don't already like these sorts of books, but i do, so i liked this one as well

the trial of henry kissinger - christopher hitchens ★★★★☆ (political non-fiction)

def not kissinger for babies but the writing was solid and easy to follow, even if i knew nothing about the politics going in

eileen - ottessa moshfegh ★★★☆☆ (thriller)

relentlessly unpleasant to read but the frame story gave it an interesting flair. i've always found ottessa moshfegh's works worth reading even if i don't exactly enjoy them

annihilation - jeff vandermeer ★★★☆☆ (scifi)

extremely slow to start but it does eventually cohere into something? the writing was beautiful and i understand why everyone highlights it as atmospheric

small things like these - claire keegan ★★★☆☆ (historical)

complete nothing of a book to me. wasn't good, wasn't bad, totally fine, just didn't make me feel anything and i probably won't ever think about it again

the perfect crimes of marian hayes - cat sebastian ★★★☆☆ (historical romance)

the plot of this book was so so bad and unfortunately rather important to the flow but it did feature two character tropes and a romance that were exactly my type of shit. i would describe this as "if you closed both eyes and ignored the plot entirely it's almost an astrid/wulf fic" and that's how i had fun

you made a fool of death with your beauty - akwaeke emezi ★★★☆☆ (romance)

the banter and relationship with the FMC's best friend was by far the best part of the book. i liked the premise of the main romance, but it ended up being insta-love despite the incredible setup. also read like it was so concerned with being beautiful that it forgot to be horny or passionate or even interesting

lumberjanes vol. 1-2 - n.d. stevensen et al. ★★☆☆☆ (children's graphic novel)

tried to be coherent in the wrong sorts of ways and didn't lean into childish whimsy the way it should have, but the art was cute. it wasn't bad but i'd never choose to give it to a kid

[authenticleviackerman]

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and how the book helped improve my life.

Despite the controversy and even banning of No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai in some parts of the world as I have come to learn, it has to be one of my favourite books. The disconnect from the world, society and people hit very close to home, and it was ultimately the book which made me realize that despite what people have told me ("You're such a smiley person though", and "You have too much energy to be depressed" etc.) is just not what makes a person depressed or not.

I think that this book is a perfect gateway into the concept of mental illness. I'd like to tell you a little story. Keep in mind I don't really consider myself a writer, I'm just an insomniac who is self taught in English and has nothing to do at 4 am.

I, like Yozo, learned to fake a smile. As a child I was always talkative and loved books. I learned to speak fairly early (at about 6 months of age) and always flipped through books for hours despite it not being typical for kids with my diagnosis (cerebral palsy).

I was always a child who was very afraid of something I couldn't even name. Slight change of voice made me cry, no matter what the context. I could meet my grandma's friend and I didn't greet them (because I didn't know you were supposed to greet them yet) and after my grandma told me, I started crying because I thought I made her mad.

This never improved, even after I had entered school. In fact, it got worse. I was not yet aware of anything until the first day in 1st grade, when my teacher greeted everyone formally but me, leading to confusion and so I accidentally greeted her in an informal way as well. This of course, has led to embarrassment.

I soon got an assistant who was supposed to help me learn. I never had an intellectual disability of any kind, although I couldn't really focus on schoolwork and wanted to play instead, so her role was to be like an" at home teacher" and someone to look after me when my parents were busy.

She had worked with disabled people in the past so my mom naturally thought nothing could go wrong, and for a short while it didn't until about 5th grade when things started getting worse, but that's a whole another chapter.

Long story short, for 10 years, she mentally abused me, putting me down whenever some of my weaknesses showed, totally ignoring the fact that I had learned how to speak English (in my case a foreign language) completely on my own.

That made me think I was now fundamentally broken, leading to severe self hate while I still put a smile on my face, because depression and anxiety in media are usually showed in the most severe cases, so I couldn't be ill. I'm just an idiot.

I started writing poetry (which I now inconsistently post on my Instagram but I am afraid to do so as I fear that if my mom's friends noticed it being too dark, they would tell my mom who could scold me for it so I haven't put anything out there in a while. Besides, they pretty much ruined the tags) which did get some small audience (I got one of my favourite musician's wife to follow me there) but my brain makes me give up on things because I feel like there was no point in it, which was a frequent theme described in no longer human and his other books.

For years and despite my mom literally asking me to stop crying all the time, not one teacher or professional suggested therapy. I was just told to "grow up already" or laughed in the face by my assistant (who caused me to develop PTSD like symptoms), so I had to beg my mom to bring me in repeatedly.

Thankfully, bringing the book up in therapy this summer got me on antidepressants, (which, again , I thought I don't need because in my brain I wasn't "sick enough") and now my mom is aware that I am fighting my own brain, so she isn't frustrated with me when I cry.

That is what I'd like to say, but unfortunately it was a bit too late and I learned to numb down my emotions because I'm afraid of being shamed. The only people who see me cry are my therapist and psychiatrist who saw through the (very believable) fake smile, and people who I truly trust.

The antidepressants definitely worked though, and I believe if Dazai lived in an age where antidepressants existed and mental health wasn't stigmatized, he would feel at least a little better.

I hope I manage to feel human one day.

[averytalllemon]

Okay so- I just finished the book Under the Whispering Door and I just jlkasdfhigkleyau8t6iw79

I have so much to say- listen to my rant if you want, but if you don't then don't.

!!HUGE Spoiler Warning!!

I genuinely mean it, if you feel like spoilers will lead you to not read this book in the future then don't read this post. I am so serious about this- I want people to read this book so badly because I need people to rant to who understand what I'm talking about, people that I can agree with (or disagree with, of course). But in the end, do what you wish, though if you take anything from this, let it be: Read. This. Book. (please)

Anyways, onto my rant!

First off, this book is overall so well written and makes some amazing points. I honestly think it changed me as a person, I feel like it changed my view on the world, only slightly though. I just feel- wiser maybe? Like Hugo taught me something, how to be a better person, better at being there for others, better at understanding, ya know? I think it was the bits about how no one knows what you're going through, though experiences can be similar none are the same. I like that, I think about it a lot now. If I notice my friends having a hard day and I have the time to help and talk to them I no longer say "I get it" or "I know" when they explain what they are going through (or I at least try not to) because though I already sort of knew this, I feel like Under the Whispering Door helped me better understand or see more clearly that I in fact don't know. I don't know a lot of things. I'm wrong most of the time. There's plenty of things I don't understand and I'm okay with that, I'm content by that idea. Recently I've been working to better myself and I feel like this book really helped with that, so thanks. Thank you, TJ Klune, for writing this book, and thank you to my friend who got this as a present for me for my birthday I really appreciate it. (Yes, I did already thank my friend for this book ^^)

Now for the part I'd imagine most of you who have read this far are waiting for (or not, I could be wrong).

Wallace and Hugo. I cannot explain them they're just my new favorite ship. I love them so much- aewrohruilt9y4q3i2gk4yhfjT -I'm fine. My friends, for the past week (because honestly, it took me a few months before I picked up the book) I have been ranting to them non-stop about these two. I love them so much. I am horrible at explaining ships and ship dynamics but these two- they just work together, they click. I love how at the start of their relationship, when Wallace first started to develop feelings for Hugo he was thinking about him more than anyone or anything else yet also going "Pfttt- me? have feelings for Hugo? Neverrrr-" (this isn't just an exact quote of course but it sums everything up well) until he was pretty much like "Oh shit- I love him, don't I?" (Again, not a direct quote from the book.) There's also their little therapy session things where they go outside and chat. This is what I was talking about earlier, what I felt changed me in a way. They just stand there, sometimes they talk about big things that they need to get off their chests, other times they'll just chat like good friends about random things, and on some days, they just don't talk at all, and it's perfect. They're perfect. They can just exist with each other and need nothing more. They can be at peace with each other. It's amazing! They have a connection, a bond like no other. I love it. I love them so much. They are just so cute.

And though this may come as a bit of a surprise, my favorite character, not Wallace or Hugo but Nelson. Nelson is so amazingly funny- he always lightens the mood with his silly comments. He's so chaotic in the best way possible, and he really just doesn't give two shits sometimes, when it's the right moment of course. When the moment calls for it, he can be serious, calm, caring, and wise. Gosh I love this man- he'd the best- I think I would've been more said when he left if I didn't know that they'd meet again, eventually, they'll all be together.

Gosh I love this book so much <33333333

If you haven't read it yet, read it. And if you have, read it again. I promise you it'll be worth it.

Also feel free to reblog, I wanna hear some opinions on the book, characters, etc.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

Man, you're so cool. I adore the way you ramble about Dr Who and ACGS, it makes me smile :) I hope your college financial situation gets sorted out soon! I'm so excited for you to be in a good place for you.

ohhhhh Robin, this is just the sweetest ask!!! thank you so much!!! I smiled so big when I opened tumblr during my lunchbreak today and saw this message ^-^ ^-^ ^-^ I'm so glad you get a smile out of my rambling!! sometimes I worry that it's annoying to people who might not know about the media it's based on, or that I should be thinking and talking about more relevant or meaningful things than stuff like DW and ACGAS... so it's really really nice to hear that's not the case, at least for you :) <3 <3

and thank you!! I'm hoping for the same!!! (and, fun fact, but I should have actually hit the halfway point for my projected savings goal today!! but since my boss forgot to put the hours for my paid vacation last week into the system, I got much much less money on my paycheck than I should've :') but it's all going to be ok, I've already spoken to him about it and he's going to submit the proper forms and get everything cleared up and the money I'm missing will get to me somehow. and when it does, it'll go straight into my college fund.)

(I'm putting the rest of this post under a break now, because I started typing and then accidentally vomited up a whole entire spiel about my complicated emotions towards college stuff, and no one wants that cluttering up their dash lolllll) (cw for emotional turmoil and general complaining/bellyaching/worrying/stressing about the future)

tbh, every time I talk about my college situation, I feel guilty. because when I step back and look at everything, I really am in such a sweet spot right now. I live at home with my family, which is (mostly) a fantastic situation--I get to eat my mom's cooking and hang out with my siblings all the time, which is great. I get to basically always bring my lunch to work (and it's usually leftovers of my mom's cooking) while my coworkers have to rush to buy something from a fast food place and swallow it down before our break is over. my family dynamic could be so much worse than it is. we attend a really sweet little church whose congregation has been so kind and welcoming to us (even if the style of the worship and teaching isn't quite what I'd like to find for myself someday). I have my own cosy little bedroom and all my books and my car and knitting and TV shows. I make seriously decent money for the kind of work I do, and most of it goes into savings for college while I have coworkers who can barely scrape by between rent and groceries and daycare bills and vehicle repairs. things aren't perfect, there are some pretty significant things I'd like to address (about myself and my brain and how it works, and some ideas about the world that I think got turned a little bit sideways at some point and need to be straightened out before they get too firmly cemented). I don't actually have any close friends who live near me (the nearest ones are at least 2 hours away and I rarely get to see them face-to-face). but honestly, I have it so good. I should be so content, I should be basking in the blessings I have right now.

yet I still complain about not being at college and talk about how badly I want to get there.

and as if all that wasn't enough, I'm petrified by the idea of things changing. I feel so weary and discouraged when I think about the idea of having to be brand-new in a brand-new place (again), not knowing anyone or how to do anything and constantly fearing that I'm messing it all up and I'm the only doofus who doesn't understand and there are all these secret common knowledge rules that everyone knows but me and if I admit to not knowing them I'll be labelled as an outcast but if I mess one of them up I'll be expelled from planet earth for having failed at humanity.

(and then also on some level, I'm terrified of moving on from the place I'm at right now, because things could be so much worse.)

I don't want to take what I have now for granted. I don't want to be unthankful for what I've been given. but I also can't be fully at peace here, because I just really really really am looking forward to the next thing. which of course makes me feel really guilty (and I tend to worry that when I do get to college, it'll all be terrible and I'll realize how wrong I was to want to hurry to that stage and my life will turn into one big Aesop's Fable and the Twilight Zone guy will appear to announce the moral of the story to everyone so they can use me as an object lesson to their Sunday school classes).

and of course, none of this makes sense and it's all one big jumbled ball of weird emotions and fears and dreams and I'm doing my best to ignore it and pray that God will just lead me where I need to go and not let me get distracted by silly things that will drag me off-course or waste my time along the way. which I guess is all I can do. but it sure doesn't come easily to me.

anyway, you didn't ask about any of that, but it just sorta... all fell out when I started typing :') I am excited to go to college, especially the college I plan to attend. it's my dream college, and I went from thinking I'd never be able to attend there to seriously planning to move into the dorms next fall. I think I'll learn so much there, and I'll meet other people--both mentors and peers--who will both affirm and influence me in meaningful ways. I can't wait to see how God uses all of this to write a grander story for me than any I could ever imagine!! but I do worry so much about pretty much everything, so even though I instinctively feel that this is the right thing to do, there are so many what-ifs and silly questions that plague me, simply because I cannot give a definite answer to them and unknown variables bother me.

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

One of these days I’ll be done answering asks. Anyway, @lavenderlevetan 1/3 of “twos not divisible by 3” ✨

2: talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

run away my beloathed. Changed plans in that fic so many times. The current defeat Vecna plan, without spoiling anything, was not my og plan when I started the fic

4: what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Technically run away but I am actually writing that, so I’ll lean into the low key abandoned but soon to be resurrected monster hunter Nancy au. I had read a few other monster hunter Nancy/werewolf Robin fics and was worried I couldn’t measure up. I think I also tried to do too much in one fic in my original plan, so I dropped it. It will undergo massive changes for sure. I think simpler is better for me in most cases

8: what’s your relationship with constructive criticism and feedback like? do you seek it out? how well do you take it?

I have a love/hate relationship with it. It HAS to be asked for. Genuinely is so helpful when I have someone beta who can point out weird wording and stuff, or give advice about different aspects. However, unwarranted comments on my fics that criticize the plot or whatever, those bother me more than they should. I think I overreact but it feels rude and tends to make me want to drop the fic for a bit and get self conscious about it. I will seek it out!! But I only want it if I ask for it lmao

10: at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

I honestly tend to do titles pretty early, and often will base vibes somewhat on the title! They’re easy for me because I love to use music lyrics. I’ll take some time to find the perfect song (and because of the range in my music taste, I’ve got something for everything), and then boom a quick look through lyrics and we’re titled

14: what’s your worst writing habit? 

Skipping around. I get bored and move on to the next scene. It becomes a lot harder to make everything flow in a way that makes sense when you have to stitch together pieces like Frankenstein

16: where is your favorite place to write?

My warm and cozy bed <333

20: what is your favorite trope to write?

Slow dancing, if that wasn’t obvious!! Also There Was Only One Bed 😏

22: describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

This has actually changed since I first started. If it’s an au, start with figuring out what roles each character is going to fill. Next (or starting here if not) I get a basic idea of the plot. I tend to kind of just fly by the seat of my pants after that, with a few notes on scenes I’d like to have. I do have two fics with actual outlines (cyberpunk and there in the garden!). Then I toss it all in a Google doc, edit round one, beta, edit round two, and post

26: do you like to write one-shots or series, and why?

Series! I like a good slow burn. Also it’s what I tend to like to read. I like the way you have more chance to explore long term development of characters and relationships, and there’s often a richer, deeper plot, which I LOVE

28: handwritten notes or typed notes?

Typed. Carpal tunnel my beloathed. Also I hate pencils and can’t erase pen

32: do characters influence your writing style?

I think so! Maybe it’s just in my head, but I feel like my writing tends to be looser and more rambly with Robin, and more correct and introspective with Nancy. Again, that might just be how it feels in my head tho

34: how do you name characters and places?

Inspiration from real life and Fantasy Name Generators. I 100% will use names from towns I’ve seen, and I keep a running list in my phone of cool names I’ve heard and could use

[demented-tours]

The project is simple: Dear World Rage Emotion Box. One photo, one text dump. Raw thoughts. Minimum editing. Fuck typos. Fuck perfection. No masking/curbing/appeasing. No apologies. I don't care how this sounds. Not sure why it needs to be public. I do know why this needs to be public, but maybe it always won't. Maybe I delete these ten seconds after I post them. Maybe I print them out and make fucking wallpaper. Not creating yet another account for this, either. I've officially forgotten too many versions of myself to add another.

///

Dear World 3,

He said, I made you something.

I didn't say anything. I looked at the artwork and cried for two hours because somebody saw something I didn't think I showed anyone. But he'd seen it all along. He still does. I believe he always will.

She said, Write me a sentence, Dee.

And I did. Many. Still am. It's magic every time.

They said, You're the best writer I know.

I said nothing. But I'm determined to be the best Keeper of Stories. I won't let you down.

She said, Happy birthday!

I stared at the art on the page of what previously only lived in my head and wondered, not for the first time, which reality actually matters. I'm pretty sure it's not the one we think.

She said, Just remember: you're smarter than they are.

I laughed. I thought of peppermint wrappers.

She said, You'll never know how much what you said did for me.

I didn't know what to say. I still don't. I just hope the right things keep coming when I need them. For her, for others, for me, for anyone.

She said, I just thought, 'I want to be her friend.'

I hope she still is one. And if not, a reason, a season, a lifetime.

She said, I brought you chicken and rice, balloons, brownies, and the homework you missed.

I said nothing. I sat in her wake and cried and swore I'd never forget. I haven't.

She asked, Why did you keep one of the angels?

I said, Because it felt right. I didn't say: Because dark doesn't scare me, and if I need to hold on to a piece of yours, I can.

He said, Do you want to get out of here while they work?

I nodded. We left. I sat behind the wheel and wondered at the sensation of someone seeing what I needed and letting me make the choices to have it.

He said, People will either get over it or they won't.

I allowed that to settle into my bones and let it be something I remember when I need it.

He said, Your smile is so gorgeous.

I smiled. And for the first time, I thought maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought.

She said, You remind me of a character in a book I once read. It was this woman who lived in a tiny apartment that the detective would go see when they were stuck. The detective said, 'She knows nothing, but understands everything."

I said, Thank you. Because of the million words that gathered in my throat, those were the only two that made it out of my mouth.

He wrote, As it is with all things, it's the trying that counts. Very proud of you.

I pinned it to my wall. I thought about how we think we know the words we want to hear. But we don't.

She showed me over and over again that who I am is a strength.

I said, You'll never know how much you changed my life.

He said, She was the best Sherlock Holmes I've ever seen.

I ran to the stage, knowing he'd done this just for me. And when another said, What's her deal? She said, Be quiet. She's happy. Who cares? And to this day I'm not sure I knew what I had when I had it. But I'm still grateful.

He said, Don't hide who you really are. "Words and meaning, that's your trade. Your a wordsmith." - Sling Blade.

I said, I don't think that's quite how it goes but thank you anyway.

She said, This saved my life.

I realized my job was to believe her.

I said, I need a damn sign!

I got three.

They said, this changed me. This helped me. This made me see.

I promised to keep going.

And I will.

/D

Photo: Like a duck in water. He-she-they believe in me. So I can, too. Felt like whatever comes next.