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#i cant focus on fucking anything and its really really bad and im just now noticing
brainrotdotorg · 1 year
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my brain is fried i need to go outside
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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steampoweredskeleton · 3 months
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silverislander · 7 months
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i can't be trusted to take breaks bc i'm now on day 4-5 of "doing no school work at all" since it's the winter semester break and i said i'd take monday off for myself. i have the second section of my essay technically due tomorrow and i'm absolutely not going to be done on time. fuck me man
#the problem is im not doing awesome rn. im gonna be ok but yk its february it happens#so i said 'ill take a day off see if that helps. no work for one day and then back at it tomorrow'#but i didnt get back at it. bc my stupid fucking adhd ass brain hears 'do no work' and will then refuse to turn back on#i NEEDED a break genuinely. but i cant turn my attention/focus on and off like everyone else so now its fucking. broken#i have shit i need to get done!!#and make it worse bc i wasnt doing great to begin with now that im not doing anything i feel guilty for that which makes me feel worse#and makes it harder to do anything at all#the only options for me are working until i drop which is bad for me or taking a break and getting completely off track#levi.txt#vent tw#its not even that i dont WANT to work bc i like what im doing. i just cant make myself fucking do it#doesnt help that bc im on break my routine is all fucked up. i always start to work idly during class between taking notes#it helps me focus and not get bored and then i can work up to full focus hard work after class in the library#and since im not going to class this week... i dont start work#whoever came up w the idea that school breaks were for finishing/catching up on work: youre fucking evil#what do you think a BREAK means#companies arent allowed to make me work on my lunch so why are you giving us a 'break' and forcing us to work through that#anyway. im going to try to finish a paragraph of my essay today and email my supervisor to tell him itll be in late#fucking sucks but yk. im really not making this deadline. id have to get like 10pgs done today plus major revisions
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fairlyang · 2 months
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Miss me🕷️
w/c: 734
tags: 18+ smut. so horny for ur bf, voice kink, masturbating, light teasing, phone sex, dirty talk, mutual masturbation
a/n: maybe a part 2 where its phone sex again but w mig initiating it.... maybe
imagine getting horny while on the phone with your bf miguel after not being able to see each other for a few weeks…
you couldn't help but get horny when just listening to his voice as he was talking about who knows what happened in the lab with whoever he was with. your brain couldn't even comprehend anything he was saying, just focus on how pretty his voice was.
you'd just let out little "uh huh"s and "right.." so he knew you were on the other end. meanwhile you bit your lip and let a hand fall between your thighs. 
you slid your hand under your shorts and immediately started to rub your clit as he rambled on. your eyes rolled back with the instant pleasure from your fingers, miguel still talking in your ear. "mhm then what happened?" you asked, already breathless. 
he continued on and you were in the clear so you kept going. 
his tone changed to frustration and it was just the motivation to move your fingers faster. you really couldn't help being hopelessly and utterly in love with everything about him, his voice especially. 
his voice was the only one that drove you madly insane and had the ability to have you how you were now, desperate and insatiable. his voice was not only good for giving you orgasms but amongst other things like helping you sleep. which was the whole point of this call, to help you sleep but your brain had other ideas.
you felt your wetness seep through the fabric of your panties and you slowly pulled them to the side, spreading your legs and just dipping a finger between your folds. immediately drenched. 
you only prayed he couldn't hear it but that was an impossible ask given how wet his voice makes you.
he stopped talking and it was just utter silence. 
you stopped for a second just to check if he hung up but noticing he didn't, you kept going slowly. somehow even that just felt loud so you went even slower. 
suddenly you hear him chuckle and you realize the jig was up.
"did you miss me that bad baby?" he murmured, making you whimper and just nod your head as if he were there.
"use your words my love." he purrs and you sink into your pillow.
you started rubbing your clit and let little moans leave your lips before you respond, "fuck yes I-I missed you so bad-" you whimpered again making him awe.
"my poor baby.. getting so needy just hearing me talk huh?" he coos softly earning himself more pretty moans from you.
"pobrecita.." he whispers and you felt your wetness drip down. (poor girl)
you closed your eyes and went faster not being capable of responding. meanwhile his breath was becoming heavy and you could hear wet noises from his end too. 
"también te extraño nena.. ni te lo imaginas." he moans out making you cry out. (i miss you too baby… you cant even imagine.)
you thrusted your hips up and went as fast as you could. you were already feeling close and you needed that release.
"doing so good for me nena.. don't fucking stop." he murmurs and the noises on his end become louder as well.
"need you so bad baby." you whimpered, making him groan.
"i know baby, i know. just a little while longer and you won't have to use your own fingers." he says and chuckles.
"need all of you. miss your mouth on me… your hands touching, groping me…" you murmur and grind your hips up desperately. 
"yeah baby? miss me kissing your neck while i squeeze your perfect fucking tits?" he murmurs then moans at the same time as you.
"y-yes- fuck-" you let out, subconsciously squeezing your legs together and feeling that coil in your stomach about to burst. 
"baby im gonna-" you start then stop, letting out a gasp as he moans into your ear, "good girl baby, cum for me.. just like that.." 
you cried out as your orgasm hit you hard and he groaned along with you, his own hitting him at the same time with his load landing on his stomach. your legs shook, your heart was racing, and you could barely hold the phone to your ear. he then started whispering sweet things in your ear and you finally ended up falling asleep.
part two
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t0msvi4gra · 1 month
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This might be weird and controversial but can you write like a smut scene where tom is like a teacher and he's a married man with children and stuff and there's like an age gap between him and the reader, who is rebellious and failing his subject. One day after tom has finished correcting the exams and noticed how she failed again he was completely fed up and called her to his office and she was wearing very provocative clothing (a mine skirt and a blouse that shows her cleavage) and she tries to flirt with tom to let her pass and at some point he gets really fed up and bends her over the table/spanks her and says stuff like "you dirty fucking slut", while lecturing her on her bad grades after that he fingers her but he doesn't all the way have sex with he cus he remembers his wife and shi but he just couldn't control himself
its not weird at all!! i promise my acc is a safe space for your fantasies or anything!!
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AGE GAP | TOM KAULITZ X READER
warning: reader is 18, tom is 26
you have always been a good student, you’ve got good grades and you’ve turned in your work on time, but professor kaulitz’s class is challenging for you and you’ve really really tried.
but you turned in a test to him but the next day, tom asked to see you in his classroom.
“yes sir? you wanted to see me.” you ask hovering your books over your skirt. “yes please sit.” he says as he gets up and puts your test on your desk. “whats going on? why havent you been asking me for help? or your peers?” he asks softly but sternly.
“i dont know. im sorry. im trying i swear.” you say fidgeting with your fingers.
“so what i’m gonna have you do is stay after so we can go over the questions, then you can retake tomorrow in class okay?”
“but sir i cant-“ he cuts you off “doesnt matter you need to arrange that okay? you have your notes.” you reluctantly nod. “fine.”
you look up at him for a few seconds. you always found him hot… and the things he could do to you. you quickly stop thinking like that but you feel yourself getting wet. you shut your legs tighter together and you start to correct your test.
“whats wrong, honey?” he asks with mock innocence. “n-nothing, sir. just cold.” you gulp and he gets closer and he puts his hand on your thigh, his hand traveling up.
his hand reaches your panties. “come on, focus baby.” he says teasing you as he gently rubs your clit through your panties.
“s-so this- p-art me..means..” you get cut off my the feeling of his fingers on your clit. “means what baby?” he whispers in your ear. “means.. divide right?” you manage to say. “mhm… now solve it for me.” he says lowly and he puts your hands in your panties. “this is what happens when you dont put effort in my tests..” he whispers and he puts his hand in your panties and he inserts his fingers in you. “damn youre so wet.” he says as you throw your head back and he covers your mouth so no one would hear you. “shh shh…” he shushs you as you squirt a little and it drips on the floor and he pulls his fingers out.
“bend over my desk.” he commands as you get up and bend over his desk and he pushes pencils and papers off so you have room. “damn this tight ass… i bet that pussy is tight too huh?” he says almost jokingly.
“sir, dont you have a wife and 2 kids?” you ask innocently…
“mhm but shes a little slut anyway… all she does is cheat and get drunk everyday.. i bet your pussy is so much better.” he rubs your ass. “this is what you get for being a bad student.” he smacks your ass hard, leaving a red handprint and you yelp and he smacks you again. “shut the fuck up. you dont want to get caught do you?” he says pulling tour panties down. “no sir i dont.” you say muffling your voice.
“good.”
he bends down to lick at your pussy juices. “fuck yes, so good.. mmm” he moans against your pussy before coming back up and aiming his cock at your pussy from behind.
“you ready?” he asks before slamming into you. “tom! oh fu-“ he slaps your ass. “what the hell did i say about screaming?”
“s-s-sorry.. it feels so good..” you whimper, trying to suppress your moans.
youre parents call you. “st-stop.. my parents are calling.” he picks up the phone. “listen to how good your daughter feels.” he puts the mic to your mouth as you whimper. he chuckles and hangs up, pounding the fuck out of you. “youre such a bad fucking girl… such a bad slut…” he grabs your hips roughly.
“cum for me sweetheart.” he groans loudly.
“you can do it come on.” he pounds you harder as you squirt and cum all over his cock. “oh fuck yes, im cumming!” he yells out, not even bothering if he gets caught. he pulls out, watching his cum drip out of you.
he pulls his pants up and helps you to do the same.
“fuck that was amazing, baby.” he chuckles
“great now my parents are gonna ground me.” you sigh.
“oh shush you liked it.” he says with his hot accent. “maybe i did.” you shake from the pleasure.
“now you have to do those corrections okay? and wear something less showy.” he points to your cleavage.
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pressureplus · 7 days
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HEYA HELLO HI
first, i want to genuinely thank you guys for the account's existence and your hard work. reading through the posts is often the highlight of my bleak days, and im immensely grateful for you providing those moments of joy :]
SECOND UH ID LIKE TO ORDER A SPECIFIC KINDA HEADCANONS LIST IF NO ONE MINDS AND IT HASN'T BEEN WRITTEN ALREADY ALRIGHT YEAH
a nonbinary reader who is pretty similar to Seb's stubborn, independent and sassy persona but WOMP WOMP, they're suddenly head over heels for him. NEITHER WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELINGS (aka "HE'S FUCKING MARRIED, IT'S NOT MUTUAL AND IM BUSY WITH NOT DYING, BUT I CANT GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD" & "I HAVE A WIFE AND THEY'RE JUST SOME EXPENDABLE BASTARD, GET OVER IT, SOLACE"). the distracting, unnecessary, painful pining. how do both cope and who's gonna break first? and most importantly, is either gonna throw their ego and rationality out the window to confess despite the fear of looking pathetic?
oooof i hope it's not too much and it's not breaking any rules. thank you in advance if you find it interesting enough for writing! :D
Awww, thanks so much! Although I should make it very clear the wife in question will remain vague and is NOT BASED ON ANYONE! Thanks for the request ❤️
♡Married! Sebastian Solace x NB! Similar! Reader Headcannons♡
Warnings: Sebastian is Married and Y/N is technically an Affair Partner
◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟
He had found you interesting from the moment you opened your mouth and got sassy with him, mostly because most people don't have the balls to do it
Despite finding this slightly irritating, he also found it refreshing, so he didn't immediately shoot you if only for his own entertainment
A terrible mistake he'd soon find out
He developed some definitely unhealthy feelings the first time one of your comebacks had an almost flirtatious undertone
It was an accident on your part, but it got him thinking
He was a married man fawning quietly over you, how awful is that?
I mean of course he’s flashed the wedding band, and of course he's mentioned his wife when others flirt with him, but that doesn't change his feelings
If you flirted with him, would he really reject you?
Could he?
He hadn't known the touch of his wife in years, the softness of her hands, the warmth of her kisses
After everything that's happened he couldn't even remember her name. He should be able to remember his wifes name right?
Does he really even care about her? Does he love her now? Did he love her then?
It comes with an odd sense of guilt he doesn't like to look at. Especially when you do something that makes his heart flutter.
You, on the other hand, probably didn't develop any real feelings until he actually saved your ass.
You'd been running for your life and he’d snatched you up and into the vents, tossing you easily into his shop and shutting it behind you
His gaze transfixed on said vent, a hand on his gun. Something about him choosing to save your life while also putting up with your attitude was a little attractive…
Okay, insanely attractive
Sure, Sebastian’s guilt for being attracted to you is bad, but so is yours
You’re attracted to a married man who has absolutely gushed about his wife in front of you before. Even if it was only because someone tried to get a little flirty, what does that matter?
Honestly the mutual attraction makes it hard for you both to focus
Everything about that man is intoxicating, his smile, his laugh, his attitude. Can you really be judged for this?
Neither of you can focus on anything but each other whenever you’re both in a room.
It’s led to Sebastian getting surprised whenever another person buys something off him because he had no idea anyone else was in here
Its also led to you freaking out whenever one of the other expendable touches your shoulder without you having realized anyone was standing behind you
You hide it well…at least you hope you do?
The longing glances and quiet staring on both sides is unbearable though
Especially considering you’re both making those dolly eyes at each other, batting lashes and daydreaming
It’s cute but it’s also incredibly wrong of you two and you’re painfully aware of it
No amount of sharing food and acting like it’s not a date will make it less of a date
He’s already long since decided that he’s going to offer you come with him so you both can leave together
And though neither of you will have the heart to confess for quite a while, I think he’d do it on your way out. Something about you almost dying when you both escape makes him desperate to tell you how he really feels
When that ‘I think I’m in love with you’ slips out while he’s bandaging your arm that’s been cut by glass, how can you refuse?
Especially when you’re in love with him too?
He’ll toss that ring into the ocean once you reach the surface, his wife never loved him like you did anyway
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fueioekjfisks · 4 months
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Im so sorry im losing my absolute mind but please hear me out for a second.
Mild tw for implied SA - NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED PEOPLE JUST THINK IT HAPPENED
You know the common misunderstanding au in the danny phandom rn about vlad being a creep and people thinking hes like a CREEPY CREEP and not just a supervillain creep?
Well imagine danny is going on break or something and his dad wants to bring the whole family up to vlads castle for whatever reason.
Danny, obviously, does not want to waste his ONE FREAKING CHANCE of getting some god damn sleep being tormented by vlad and his stupid birds. Plus, vlad will probably plan some big murder plot for his dad and danny CAN. NOT. HANDLE. THAT. RIGHT. NOW.
So danny decides to make a PowerPoint presentation about why he doesnt want to go.
Obviously he cant reveal vlad or his own halfa status so its mostly just really jumbled information about vlad being creepy.
He gets backup from sam, tucker, jazz, and even val. He also knows his mom already dislikes vlad and knows hes a total creep so all he really needs to do is convince his dad.
But??? As hes compiling evidence??? And rehearsing his presentation with hes friends??? He realizes that it sounds super fucked up???
And like, it’s mostly just bad without all the context. But he realizes that Vlad is actually kinda sick in the head. Danny knows he would never actually do something that terrible, but its supper concering how similar his actions are to like, actual bad people.
Danny isnt mad about it or anything, he’s actually just worried about it Vlad.
Danny is not perfect by any means. But Vlad is the only other member of his species besides, like, his fucking clone (which holy shit Vlad what the fuck) or maybe dan who is also fucked up.
Danny knew that Vlads death definitely messed him up, but he never really thought about Vlads actions beyond “obsessive fruitloop, at it again :/“ and is just now realizing that vlad might need psychological help. Which he feels pretty (REALLY) bad about.
Danny has no idea what to do, and no idea who to go to.
So he sneaks out, doesnt even go ghost as he takes the powerpoint to vlad who obviously freaks tf out because holy shit thats SO MUCH WORSE THAN ANYTHING HE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED. What if he had actually hurt daniel? What if he had hurt his precious Madeline?? He needs help like yesterday! How did he ever get so bad???!
So Vlad freaks, trashes his own house, apologizes to danny, and books it through the portal to find the far frozen or somewhere else he can get help.
Danny is somewhat shellshocked about the whole situation. It doesnt get better when people start investigating Vlads disappearance.
The state of the manor indicates foul play and the police look into it further. Find security tapes. They see danny, frazzled and paranoid, enter Vlads property, everything goes to static, and only danny leaves.
Hes arrested of course, and he and his friends/family are interrogated.
Everybody vehemently denies that Danny would ever do such a thing, but when they are asked if danny has potential motives everyone (except for jack) gets all squeamish.
Its practically common knowledge in Amity Park that the mayor and the weird Fenton child had beef. People just were unsure why.
I think it would be really cool to focus a story around the polices pov of the investigation/ random Amity Parkers interpretation of the events.
Danny being kinda creepy after the accident (because death) could totally make people assume he did it and that would be awesome.
We can also add in de-aged Dani/Ellie and or Dan for that extra spice.
Imagine the fentons finding out about Dannys supposed kids in the context that they are MOTIVES FOR THEIR SON TO MURDER THEIR COLLAGE FRIEND ( AND DANNYS OWN GODFATHER) WHO APPARENTLY GROOMED HIM???!? AND THEY DIDNT EVEN NOTICE??!?
This could totally be a crossover too. Lucifer tv show. Batman. Supernatural. All are good.
Anyway, thought this could be kinda interesting
Please continue if you want
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x-liv25-jamieswife · 13 days
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my ranking of the tig/tgg ships. this is my opinion (i think that gigi will end up with slate but since we literally dont know anything about them, i’m not including them obviously). this will probably change as the rest of the tgg series is released (although the first spot wont ever change). i love every single ship on this list. just cause one is at the bottom of my ranking doesnt mean i dont like it.
1. avery and jameson: i think this is quite obvious if you know me. they're my favorite ship in the entire world. their dynamic, banter, development, tension, chemistry etc is just out of this world. none of the ships in the tig universe will ever compare to these two. no words will ever be able to properly describe how much i love them.
2. hannah and toby: i think about what these two could've been a trillion times a day. we don't even know that much about them yet they still manage to be on of my favorite ships of all time. i'm so excited for their novella (even though i know its going to destroy me). they're the epitome of right person wrong time (aka one of my least and most favorite tropes). toby's letters to hannah have made me cry more times than i'd like to admit and everything about them is just pure perfection.
3. libby and nash: again, we don't know much about them but they're literally so adorable and complement each other so well. i wasn't very sure about them at first because i felt like libby was just another one of nash's projects and not an actual love interest, but i now absolutely love them. i love how libby went from sort of not liking him to falling in love with him (she never said she didn't like him but whenever he was around in tig, she would tell him to shut up and stuff) while nash just immediately fell for her. i'm so excited to read more about them in games untold. im sure the fluff is gonna be tooth-rotting (im hoping they're story is gonna help me recover after reading tobannah's novella)
4. savannah and rohan: i honestly really love their dynamic and banter. the tension between the two of them was unmatched and i'm really excited to see where this is gonna go. rohan is so down bad for her its crazy (this dude would not stop thinking about her). rivals who cant keep their hands to themselves, vow to destroy each other, and then become lovers? fuck yeah.
5. max and xander: the only reason they're not higher is because we don't know a lot about them. that doesn't mean i do not absolutely adore them though. i think max and xander are perfect for one another. i feel like they're each other's confidants and only allow themselves to be vulnerable around the other. they're also super unproblematic which i love (no angst (that we know of), just fluff). i think they make each other happy and that's the most important thing.
6. lyra and grayson: i feel like this is the most controversial part of this post. most people really love them but, personally, they're not my thing. i do like them and find them cute, but i just feel like jlb has written better romance. this is obviously subject to change because the rest of the series isn't out yet. they complement each other really well and all, but i just think that they're sort of plain (i don't mind plain when the couple isn't the main focus (like maxander and libbynash), but lyrason is one of the main ships so i just expected more). i also think they're rushed. i know that there will be complications in the next two books and that they're not officially together, but i feel like they shouldn't have kissed at the end of book 1 and stuff (i wanted to add that there's a difference between rohannah's kiss and lyrason's kiss. lyrason already have feelings for one another (their kiss was romantic and fluffy). rohannah on the other hand kissed each other simply because they're physically attracted to one another, they don't have feelings for each other yet. ig you could say lyrason's kiss felt more like an ending (if that makes sense??? idk how to describe it). i want to reiterate that this is my opinion and i do like them, i just think there's better.
6. rebecca and thea: i really like their story, their angst, and the two of them together, but my hatred for thea keeps me from loving them. thea is one of the worst characters in tig (excluding the villains) and i feel like rebecca deserves better. although, like i said, i do like the two of them together, i don't think they're endgame. i think thea is a little unhealthy for rebecca (i mean, thea knew that rebecca struggled with her self worth and shit and still chose emily over her relationship with rebecca the night emily died). idk i feel like thea's priorities aren't straight, and she needs to get therapy and realize that some of her behavior isn't right before committing to a relationship with rebecca (i also think rebecca isn't in the right state of mind to be in a relationship. she needs to find a way to overcome her self-esteem issues before entering a serious relationship with thea. i feel like if she doesn't, their relationship would just become toxic and unhealthy because rebecca wouldn't stand up for herself when needed). i have a lot more to say, but i'm probably just gonna make another post about it.
honorable mention: emily x trash. i think they have a lot of chemistry and they should probably be first but im not ranking them cause emilys dead and the trash deserves better.
its like midnight for me as im writing this so i apologize if some of this doesn't make sense. again, this is my opinion, and you are obviously entitled to your own.
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emerxshiu · 6 months
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FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3
I AM SOOOO BACK
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I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.
I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.
ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?
you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver
Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade
some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see
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silly :3
fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it
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thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)
also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day
Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk
ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned
background cuz i think it came out really pretty
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doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...
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also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing
I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything
Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol
I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual
Jambuhbye!
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kiwibongos · 5 months
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warning for ab/se & toxic relationships. and sdr2 spoilers duh
im thinking abt the remnants of despair. cause i hate how it just seemed to be like, "theyre suddenly brainwashed and then they turn evilll and they kill because they dont feel anything" like, i hate that. it feels so underdeveloped. it cant just be despair, it has to be deeper than that, i think it'd take personal angles and link with a lot of their own trauma, leaving them really vulnerable and deranged. so heres my own interpretation and headcanons for some of them
contains mikan, nagito, fuyuhiko, peko, akane, kazuichi, and brief analysis of the rest. keep in mind i havent seen the animes yet lol so this is a basic layer of it, but i just rly wanted to let this out cus i dont see it talked about. storing my brainrot here for later moments.
first of all i feel like the brainwashing would be a very slow process bc junko would definitely just manipulate everyone in her way to get what she wants. and by the time the world was plagued basically, all the remnants clearly had really unhealthy feelings related to junko specifically. they all love her, hate her, or praise her, but its all in very different ways that would be bc of their own personal backstories
we all know how mikan and nagito feel. mikan was constantly hurt by other people before junko herself, itd make sense for her to develop a very unhealthy attachment to her. mikan was extremely vulnerable and controllable, she would do anything for anyone and especially junko, just so no one is mad at her, hence why it got so twisted to the point where she wanted to keep a part of her inside forever. she wanted to be loved so badly, she would take whatever form of it she could. thats why it was so easy for junko to get her under her boot. now nagito has an odd love-hate relationship with junko imo (his mind is so messed up man) even if he praises hope in such a grossly obsessed way, the mf still TOOK her arm. i know he did it because he hated her so much and i guess to take power back, but i feel like because nagito had never really been loved, he wanted to try and feel what it could've been like out of some kind of confused desperation and fondness for her in a way, because his mind has no idea what those feelings truly are or what they mean, as hatred and love often get mixed up in his head and form this horrible amalgamation with whoever he meets, which is clear towards the survivors in the nwp anyway
fuyuhiko put junko's own eye into his own socket, and i feel like his relationship with her while in despair would be familial and extremely unhealthy. he is definitely one of the most fucked up to me. id say by my own headcanons though its heavily implied in his fte dialogues, is his parents are very ab/usive right from the start. fuyuhiko is messed up to all hell, he was constantly struck and under pressure but he had to be strong and perfect because he was the head of his clan, hence like his insane tolerance for pain. he had to make his clan, or more importantly his parents proud, or else he was a failure forever. so he clung onto that and did his best trying to be good enough for basically anyone. and even before despair he was in a really bad stubborn, mean, depressive state, leaving him far more vulnerable and more open to violent, impulsive actions as long as junko was smart enough to get him under her finger. fuyuhiko never knew what true love felt like (platonic or not), and when junko took advantage of all of that and he slowly fell into despair, shit hit the fan. he lost morality and he had come so attached to her to the point where junko was like a mother figure to him. he wanted her to notice him and be proud basically, it was moreso the idea of someone-- anyone-- being proud of him, but junko was his main focus of that by now, given his state. to him she was like the mother he never had, who seemed to be on the same terms with everything he had believed, someone who approved of him, so he wanted to make her proud, even if it was hurting him. fuyuhiko would keep digging himself a hole of desperation and self destruction, seeking more and more pain to test his endurance because it's what she wanted, and that became what he wanted, too, because pain is all he's used to. and because of that, makotos guess was right; he wanted to see her despair. it'd make sense he'd want to take a part of her, to see horrors she had witnessed so he could understand it, so she could be proud of him and part of him forever. he felt like if he did that, he would finally succeed, he'd achieve perfection, and he did. he'd done everything junko wanted him to do, while quenching his own thirst for violence itself, all via his own delusions. that was love to him and it felt real
as for peko she was definitely also treated the same in the kuzuryu family but more dehumanized obviously, so i think she'd feel a similar way; always needing to be good enough, but more specifically protecting the ones she cares about at all costs even if it results in bloodshed. i think she'd be a lot colder, forcing to suppress her feelings since she just has to follow fuyuhiko wherever he goes, and she was pretty much as insane as him as well so anything slid. i know peko doesnt want to be a tool, but she'd definitely succumb to the fact that she has to be one when they're under despair at the same time, and if she was going to be his tool, she has to be like a robot and just do what follows, because she didn't see herself as a person, her chance of being her own human was ripped away
as for akane, she grew up very poor, and didn't live a good life at all either (w/ definitely bad parents) but she always tried her very best taking care of her siblings in the past, despite everything. i think there was a lot of twisted familial love with junko whom she started to see as a sister despite being unrelated, just because of being a caretaker all her life, its just kind of instinct to protect anyone, but that just got mixed up as she fell into despair, and she would only protect junko, while chaotically killing anyone else in her way. she'd fight for her endlessly, she was one of the strongest, at least for a while, im thinkin she found her body and wanted to preserve it as much as possible by the end of everything, she still wanted to take care of her and do everything for her even if she had been too late. and with that, and barely any food in an apocalyptic world, the inevitable happens. akane would fall into a very hurtful spiral of self hate, that her starving was a sacrifice to junko so she could prioritize her first instead of herself, while also it being like a punishment to herself for her own failures and how she was failing to preserve junko
kazuichi always hated himself. he was bullied often, didn’t have a lot of friends going into high school, and he was very desperate for attention, especially from women. he’d be very notably attached to junko which would eventually evolve into romantic feelings, similar to mikan. he craved attention and validation so much, it left him very vulnerable, and kazuichi often grows attached to people who show him a sliver of kindness anyway, so junko would likely personally manipulate him and praise him, and they’d grow close, and he’d develop a very strong attachment towards her that derails into love and lust. and once he was influenced by her under despair, he would do anything for her. so, he’d get his hands on a lot of weapons, and go on mindless killing sprees, causing havoc 24/7 just to please her and keep her memory alive through despair. and deep in his mind, he probably truly thought that junko was his soulmate, that they were destined to be together, and he was fulfilling missions just for her, and in the end, they could be together
extra stuff i guess? as anyone would expect, sonia just became a corrupted leader and took advantage of her power under despair. her kingdom would try to keep her above it, but she’d fall into it somehow anyway, and probably had already been plagued by corrupt/unjust views by junko before, so she’d lead her people to worship junko the same way she does, and anyone who stood against it would be punished severely. mahiru falls into morbid curiosity because of junko and gets worse, given what she does with her camera, also both mikan and gundham would try to stitch junko up a little, and try to keep her from falling apart as long as possible. mikan is more likely to do that for her own twisted romantic purposes, but if gundham gets a hold of her before or after mikan, he would take her blood for himself, and most likely start a cult to worship her, all for like weird satanic purposes involving rituals and stuff. he’d also encourage his members or the other remnants to indulge in certain activities for the sake of praising her. gundham would probably even believe she was some demon from the underworld who granted him powers and chose him to carry on her legacy
also teruteru was just a little hungry. boys gotta eat
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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...
#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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myymi · 8 months
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ohh if you can i would appreciate some tips!! honestly writers are so admirable we dont give yall enough credit🙏🙏🙏
well, for me to give you the absolute best tips i can to help out, i need to know what exactly you're struggling with when it comes to writing. there are about a million different tips i can give you for about a million different things and some of those tips will be completely useless to you
for now though, i'll give you the things that help me getting into a writing mood + general tips i give to new writers and if you still need further help you can explain what exactly you're struggling with and ill do my best to help out;
1) whatever you learned about formatting essays; forget it.
a common thing i see in new writers is they try to write it like an essay. which isn't a bad idea really, but it is restricting. your paragraphs don't have to be four or more sentences. they can only be one if you want. it's your story, format it however you want. you don't need to follow rules
2) listening to music
this is mostly for when you have that one specific scene in your head but have no idea what to do for the rest of the fic. listening to music and connecting the lyrics to the characters you're using is a great way to get your mind thinking. one song can give you several different ideas depending on how you interpret it
3) make sure you are in a good mood
personally, i cannot write to save my life if im upset or just generally having a bad day. i know some people can use creating as a way to cheer themselves up, but it just doesn't work out for me lol
4) if you don't need background noise, don't use it
it's pretty easy to get distracted when writing, especially when you have something new playing. if you do need background noise of some kind, i would advise playing instrumental music or that one movie/show that you've seen a thousand times and could quote in your sleep. keep your focus on your writing
5) brackets will be your best fucking friend when writing
one of the most important things about writing is keeping your flow going. if you find yourself writing sentence after sentence for a good while and then you suddenly hit a stop because you don't know how to word what happens next; throw it in brackets and write the scene after it. its the same reason why you're told to skip questions you get stuck on when taking a test. let your brain do what it knows it can and come back to the tricky stuff later.
6) you don't have to write anything in order
you don't have to write a story exactly start to finish. you can jump between any scene you'd like and find out how to connect it to a different scene another time. this kinda ties into the last tip in the sense that you gotta let your brain do what it knows. if you only know the beginning and the end then write those first and figure out the rest as you go. if you need to edit either one of the previous things then that's okay. there's no shame in changing things around, it's just how creating things go. sometimes change is needed
7) writing prompts
for new writers, i like to tell them to find a prompt online to write a story for before they start their own. using a prompt someone else made keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed, allowing you to focus more on finding a writing style that works best for you. using writing prompts also lets your brain find ways to contribute to a story without having it make everything while also figuring out how to put it on paper. it's easy to overwhelm the brain, so let it get used to writing before you start creating your own ideas. (this is also something i advise to people who experience burnout or just cant think of anything to write. your brain just needs a break from creating ideas right now, go and find a prompt for it)
8) word count
listen to me because this is so important; ignore the word count. you need to focus on learning, not how much you're writing. it doesn't matter if you only wrote 50 words when other people have fics well over 50k. ignore it. you are learning, you'll get there eventually. if you focus too much on how much you're writing you're going to stress yourself out and ultimately drive yourself away from ever writing again. treat word counts as milestones. start with 50, then 100, then 150, then 200, etc. let yourself work towards it slowly rather than push yourself too hard right out the gate. you can't expect to draw the mona lisa the first time you put a pencil to a paper, so don't expect to write thousands of words the first time you write a story. it'll take time, and that's perfectly okay.
9) analyze the shit out of your characters
this is easier when writing fanfiction, but take a few hours to learn your characters. find the content they're in and hyper-focus on what they're doing. pay attention to their speech patterns, their body language, their relationships with others, etc. if they're not in a scene, try to imagine they are and what'd they do and/or say if they were. it'll help out with keeping them in character when writing
10) if you get to a point where you can't write anymore even when using brackets; stop writing for the day
we have our limits. you will get to a point where you can't get another word down and that's okay. it doesn't matter if you've only written a handful of words, close your program and wait until you feel motivation hit you again. if you keep trying to force yourself to write when you just can't then you're going to burn yourself out. the most probable reason for this is writer's block, which means you need to focus on other things for a while. give your brain time to recollect itself. it's annoying, i know, but it's better for you if you just let your brain do what it needs to. it knows how to take care of itself, so let it.
i also have a tag i use whenever i give tips, so you can check those out as well to see if anything helps! it's just writing tips
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lightningonatether · 2 years
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Plushie AU: How do Punz and Dream act around Sam post reveal? Does Sam stay in his Plushie form? How do things change as time goes by and the shock of the reveal fades away?
…I have this image of Punz specifically taking revenge against Sam for the prison situation by treating him as a pet cat. Collar and pet toys and everything. 😂
oh god this is a very Thick ask... im not sure i can answer all your questions in one. im gonna focus on short term(say, next few months) consequences of the reveal. i wanted to answer this after i finished my reveal comic but its taking SO DAMN LONG. so instead im answering it now.
dream: he feels... betrayed? maybe not quite the right word. but he was ready to be done with sam. hed given sam a way out. from dreams perspective, this feels kind of like sams obsession rearing its ugly head again. he tried to leave sam behind, give them some distance, and then sam somehow violated his trust AGAIN. it feels, in some ways, more vulnerable than last time. dreams hugged him and cried into his fur for fucks sake, nobody was supposed to see that. to cope with having a guy he just cant seem to get rid of, dream avoids him. he doesnt touch him except when he thinks of something he'd like to test, and doesnt talk to him unless its a short command, he doesnt feed him, he doesnt let him out, he just. doesnt do Anything. that involves sam. he tells punz, you persuaded me we should keep him alive, you take care of him. which punz does :) gladly :)
punz: feels... anger, of course. but most importantly, he feels like he can FINALLY do something to make up for all the ways in which dreams been hurt. he can finally hurt someone back. because sam is now Entirely at his mercy. dream tells him he doesnt care, as long as he doesnt die. so youre right to single punz out. punz is Very interested in taking revenge. hes no stranger to violence and hes got an imagination and a year of pent up frustration to take out. he dedicates a bit of his time to making sure sam will stay perfectly obedient. not even Try to escape. its a thinly veiled excuse to just hurt sam and he wont deny it when sam points it out. it still technically counts as obedience training, right? you take it, you beg, you tell me just how sorry you are, and you dont fight back. because if you do, that just means i have to hurt you harder to make it stick. he thinks sams scum!!! and hes very open about it!!!
(its a funny role reversal. punz is obviously not quackity. dream has to remind himself of that sometimes. and punz is right to be angry, anyway, dream understands why he is, so dream wont stop him. a few times he has to come clean sam up afterwards. neither he nor sam really want to acknowledge how famiiliar this feels)
these also arent like... regular. theyre not planned. punz is having a bad day? sam looks at him wrong? usually he just gets a kick or a glare, but sometimes.. Yeah Hahah. remember i mentioned declawing? thats at the very least a Threat. not sure yet if punz follows through but... its a big possibility.
sams pov will Have to be another ask this is getting long
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kusundei · 1 month
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im so fucked what the hell. i knew w dr dastvan i KNOW i know you. i know you and im fucked. no because i tried i swear i did and i am trying im sorry im not the same. im not and im sorry ive regressed a bit but isnt the road to recovery not a straight one??? theres always going to be bumps??? i didnt mean to okay. i didnt mean to get THIS bad and i forget i cant just lie my way through this. i keep praying maybe theres something wrong with me that isnt just somehting in my head like shes saying i want it to be and im praying over and over again. maybe there is something wrong w my blood and my health and my heart and its not just me. i didnt mean ro i truly didnt and i dont know why its still happening???
i dont ever really mwan to enable myself ive just made it far too normal. i know and i knew and i acknowledge it all the time but i dont know what keeps preventing me from jsut getting over it and focusing on myself. i know im not eating enough i know im sick i know i can feel it i know i know i know. i dont know why i cant just get yp and do it ESPECIALLY when im hungry. honeslty its so much worse if im not w ajax because i do feel hungry w him but at home ik myself i wouldnt even eat at all i dont think. i know most of it is still fear and i am also just trying to focus on recovery and not be evil ab it and me gaining because if i start acknowledging thay then i will tweak and i will be evil again. i cant do that i jeed to just accept it bcuz my health is important ajd its not likr anything will change ive been 150 for so so long?? more than that too??? i expected to be 160 for the rest of my life not 130. not 127. she keeps going on about how if i lose more weight (intentional or not) i will be sent inpatient. 120 is my evil evil red zone. i had to lie ab passing out i cant confess rhat. theyll be to oevil and irs not eben just them its my mom. i admit it okay maybe i am disordered. maybe the testosterone did sctually decrease my appetite but i got it to this point. i enabled mtself in the way i knew how because it csaw the opportunity and took it. i didnt intend on going this low i told myself 145 just to see. just because i was curious. now look st where i am if ive fucked up everythint ive built so far again it genuinely is so over and its all my fault again. again again again i will never win and im fucked
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