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blake-belladonna-defence-force · 4 years

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Since its national coming out day, I thought that I’d share my journey to where I am now in terms of my orientations.

To start with... I spent a long time thinking that I was alone. I didn’t experience crushes on boys (hell, if you made the suggestion that I did, I’d start crying!) and I didn’t experience crushes on girls (though I freaked out less about being teased about girls. I was way more chill about that.) and I remember feeling very confused and alone, even pretending to like boys in my class and one time, I pretended to have a crush on my best girl friend.

To be fair... it wasn’t entirely a lie because I had the BIGGEST squish on her.

People constantly made up an imaginary boyfriend for me and teased me about it to the point that, as a young child, I would start crying and sobbing because it made me THAT uncomfortable and distressed. It got to the point where my parents had to ban people from making those kinds of jokes because they didn’t like seeing their child so distraught.

Funnily enough... the one time my sister made an imaginary girlfriend for me, I just shrugged it off. The idea of having a girlfriend didn’t distress me, I was just... not interested in it. Guess we should have known just by that that I wasn’t straight.

Cut to years later in high school and everyone is talking about dating and sex and I’m just sitting there like “... um... I like dragons and chocolate?” while they were making plans to seduce their partners or talking about how hot someone was.

Honestly, I remember saying that a girl in our year was absolutely gorgeous. That she was hot. Almost immediately, my group (full of straight people, mind you) turned to me and started asking me if I was gay and making jokes about it. I tried to explain to them that I didn’t want to date her or do anything else with her other than be friends but I didn’t have the tools to explain that I was only aesthetically and platonically attracted to her. Honestly, I don’t think they would have believed me if I did. In the end, I just let it drop and so did they but I never felt comfortable voicing what minimal attraction to women I do experience because they just wouldn’t get it.

Plus... it’s kind of not the best thing to do to question somebody’s sexuality like that in a public setting. You might just be accidentally outing them before they’re ready.

A year or so later, this group’s talking about crushes and they turn to me expectantly and at this point, I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending to know what a crush. I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not so I tell that I’ve never had a crush. That I don’t even really know what a crush is.

*heavy sigh* y’all, let me tell you the looks they gave me hurt like a mother fucker. “That’s weird.” They said, as they looked at me like I was an alien. “Do you have hormone problem?” They asked before scoffing at me, as though I were a naive child, and turning back to each other...

Turning back to their “normal friends” instead of the weirdo incapable of attraction.

As a 16-17 year old, who had spent their whole life struggling to connect to their peers, that hurt. I wasn’t one of them. I was other and I was weird. So... I never talked about it again. I didnt talk about my experiences and I fell into silence and listened to them talking about a world I didn’t understand.

And honestly? I didn’t want to! I was okay with not having crushes. I didn’t want them and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to try to date just because everyone else did.

But... that doesn’t change the fact that because of their reactions, I felt alone. Like my experiences didn’t matter. Like I was broken or a freak of nature.

So... a year later comes and I’m like 17-18 years old and scrolling through tumblr. I pause when I see a post called “How to know if you’re Asexual and/or Aromantic.”

Heh.

That was the day that it started to fall into the place. That was the day I discovered that I’m not alone or broken or a freak. I discovered that I was okay!

I read the post and rush to my feet. My parents are watching tv in their room and suddenly, their child storms in like a herd of elephants after her, rambling at 20 mp/h about how she found her people.

That’s not a joke. I literally burst into their room yelling “MOTHER! FATHER! I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!” and came out to them straight away because I was just so excited and happy.

I had to explain it to them. That I’m not straight. That I’m queer. What being acearo means.

They were confused but happy to see that I was happy. It took them some time to get it but they understand a little better now.

I came out to my (admittedly cishet) sisters a year later. My oldest sister got my coming out in a “Ah, shit. Even my car’s straighter than me!” and my middle sister got my coming out when I looked her dead in eyes after she was asking me about cute boys and I said “I’m too queer for your heteronormative bullshit, Barb.”

I still don’t know how to explain that I do experience platonic, queer platonic and aesthetic attraction to women. That I’m sapphic orientated. It’s hard to explain the split attraction module to people that don’t use it or have never heard of it so I don’t know how it’ll go.

I still haven’t fully come out as nonbinary/demigirl. They all think I’m just a butch, masculine queer woman. I don’t know if I ever will and that’s okay too.

And it’s worth mentioning that I’ve met people who respect my identity. Who let me talk about my experiences and the attraction I do feel without making me feel like I’m broken or a liar. They’re my comfy crew and honestly... I’d gladly fight anyone for these people 💛

Coming out is scary and I was fortunate enough to be born into a very supportive family that accepts my queerness. But there are so many people that have very different circumstances so let me say this;

You deserve love. You deserve support and acceptance. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable. You are so fucking worthy of all of these things and so much more, no matter what anyone says. It’s hard and scary but it does get better.

Stay safe 💛

#lgbt+#national coming out day #long post #asexuality #aromantic

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 4 years

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Decagon: The Supportive Hero Chapter 1

Summary: When Izuku finally accepts that Bakugou is not his friend anymore, he ends up collapsing at home. He discovers that he has had a Quirk all along- the ability to bond with others and increase their Quirks. Izuku fully intends to become a hero still, now with a new Quirk by his side. A new school leads him to new friends and new bonds both Quirked and not, plus his mom finding a new husband has his family increasing and the support he needs keeps coming in.

Look out world, here comes Decagon!

Pairings: Aizawa Shouta/Midoriya Inko so far. Others TBA

Warnings: Bakugou Faces Consequences. Bakugou critical. But also he ends up getting redeemed like WAY later so... yeah.

Other Tags: Shinsou is Aizawa’s cousin/nephew, Queer Platonic relationships ahead, Izuku has a Quirk.

On AO3

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People have a limit. Something that pushes them over the edge, something that makes them snap.

This limit could be related to anything. A movie making you walk out of the theatre for terrible acting.

Rage quitting a game because of one fight that is impossible to beat for now real reason.

Having a long day at work, and then coming home to a screaming child it could be a limit.

For Midoriya Izuku his limit was reached with Bakugou Katsuki.

-0-

Izuku grew up around his best friend Bakugou Katsuki. As little kids, they played together often. He called him Kacchan as a friendly little boy.

Kacchan was a little boy who was a little mean to people. Some little boys are like that. Usually, schools or parents would fix that. For Kacchan, they didn’t.

The school because he was a skilled kid. He learned to read early, was a bright kid and also got his Quirk a bit early. A very powerful Quirk enabling him to sweat a nitroglycerin-like compound that exploded. Not actual nitroglycerin, but close enough.

“A future hero.” the teachers would say. The school district was a low-ranking one and was desperate to get recognition.

Kacchan’s parents tried to correct him when they caught him being mean, but both worked long hours and struggled with trying to figure out when was too much. Both were victims of abuse from their own parents and worried over if it was too much or too little how they raised their son.

Then there was Izuku.

The doctor he went to said he was Quirkless. And everyone knew the Quirkless were worthless. No one cared about Izuku compared to Kacchan. But it was okay because while Kacchan was mean he wasn’t cruel.

Then it all changed. Izuku didn’t know why. He didn’t know why offering his hand to Kacchan made him angry. He didn’t know why Kacchan yelled. He didn’t understand anything.

Izuku became the joke. The punching bag of Kacchan and soon the rest of the school.

Freak. Worthless. Useless.

He felt small and tired and every day he dragged himself home feeling drained of energy. It was hard. It didn’t help that he had health issues. He couldn’t put on a decent weight. His skin often felt like it was burning up. Some days he couldn’t breathe he felt so heavy.

His mother worried. She was the only bright spot in his life. The only person to care. She fought hard for him.

When he was eight they tried to claim he was cheating on a test. He had to be, they argued.

She demanded they investigate properly, including calling in the investigators from the board who all had lie detector Quirks or Quirks that let them be able to tell if people cheated.

Six kids got caught.

None of them were Izuku and the school was harshly reprimanded for blaming him.

They tried to mark down his grades at age nine.

Inko dragged the board into it again and this time now, they had someone to watch over their marking. An idea from the head of the board given she had a Quirkless daughter herself and knew the patterns from when her daughter was in school.

Izuku knew she would do anything for him.

“Bet your mom fucking cries herself to sleep knowing she has a worthless Deku as a son,” Kacchan sneered at Izuku when they were ten. “She probably hates you you freak.”

They were at the park. Izuku just wanted to play on the swings. Kacchan was there with his friends- or lackeys whichever he preferred. Kacchan was convinced Izuku had followed him, convinced that he was so important to Izuku that he would waste his time like that.

Izuku was ten. He knew his mother loved him and cared for him deep in his soul and he knew Kacchan was lying. He was saying mean things to hurt Izuku.

He brought his mother into it.

Izuku stared at Kacchan… at Bakugou and felt something snap.

Everyone has a limit.

Izuku’s was his mother. And Bakugou crossed it.

It changed everything.

Izuku stared at Bakugou for a long time, enough that the other boy began feeling uncomfortable before turning and walking away. The single act was enough to startle the other boy, as well as the other two who were with him.

Bakugou watched Izuku go with wide eyes before scowling.

“Useless freak,” he grunted. He turned and stopped, suddenly feeling dizzy for a second before shaking his head. Probably didn’t drink enough water again, he figured.

Izuku walked home in a daze, feeling sick for some reason. He shivered as he tried to grasp the handle of his apartment door, laying his to hot head on the cold door and breathing in.

Why… why did he feel like that? He was fine. Angry at Bakugou, sure but he was fine earlier… you don’t get sick that fast. It wasn’t possible.

He managed to get the door open, stumbling into the apartment, his legs too heavy and his arms like lead as he tried to move.

“Izuku…” he heard his mother speak but he couldn’t respond, his tongue too heavy and a sudden icy cold sweeping through his body as his knees buckled.”IZUKU!”

-0-

Inko dropped to her knees, a hand going to her son’s neck and checking his pulse.

Slow but steady. Good.

Oh, thank God.

She grabbed her phone from her pocket and dialled for an ambulance. She kept the phone to her ear as she tried to focus on five things she could see.

The couch. The book she had dropped in her scramble to get to Izuku. The ugly carpet she kept meaning to replace. The stupid wedding photo she kept meaning to throw out now that she caught Hizashi actually cheating thanks to his mistress finding out he was married. Izuku’s red shoes.

She could not panic. She could not panic.

Do not Panic! She hissed mentally as the phone connected.

“What’s your emergency?”

“My son collapsed. He was at the park and came home, just suddenly dropped when he came in.” Inko said. “His pulse is steady.”

“Alright,” the operator said soothingly. “And this can’t be his Quirk?”

“Izuku’s Quirkless. He’s had problems with kids using theirs on him before as a bullying tactic so it might be someone else’s but I don’t think so.” Inko reported. After she had gone after the fourth kid’s family they had stopped. She knew they kept doing so, she wasn’t stupid but Izuku wouldn’t tell her and the school played dumb. At least they stopped trying to charge her for new uniforms when she had also threatened them with demanding a release of all their videotapes, with the help of a friend at the law firm she worked at who had a Quirk that let him get ANYTHING deleted from a system.

“Shit,” she heard over the phone and sighed in relief.

Quirkless people were discriminated against. However, it was often in subtle ways most people didn’t think about. Microaggressions, her boss had told her when she came to him and asked for help understanding the laws to protect her son. Outright harm was sadly common as well, but luckily it was improper to do so. You could be an asshole but hurting them? Very improper and Japanese people hated being improper. So Izuku dealt mostly with microaggressions from adults. Children not so much.

Inko had gotten good at picking up people who would be cruel to him. And from the sounds of it, the operator was not one of them.

Giving the address, she stayed on the line while sitting next to her son.

The ambulance came quickly and she opened the door to wave them in. Three of them though only two came up the steps to her apartment. Her building didn’t have an elevator sadly, the building over two hundred years old before the time of Quirks.

They came into her apartment quickly and checked him over themselves, one of them frowning.

“... are you sure your son is Quirkless?” Asked a blue-haired female paramedic. Inko blinked.

“Yes. He was diagnosed at four.”

“How?” The other woman asked.

“The doctor said his toe joint-“ both paramedics interrupted her with groans.

“Ben!” The woman yelled, going to stick her head outside the open door to yell at their driver. “We got a possible unknown Quirk!” She told the man, while Inko stared in confusion before the other paramedic, a brunette man, spoke up.

“The toe joint theory is false. Got disproven about… five years back? Guess they didn’t call you in for a re-evaluation if your kid never showed signs.” Inko stared at him before she felt a very familiar feeling in her gut.

Anger. Raw hot anger curled its way up inside of her like a snake, filling her stomach with rage.

“Oh.” She hissed. “I see.”

“Well, you’re terrifying.” The man muttered as his partner came back in.

“My Quirk is Medical Check. I can tell what injuries people have. Your son is suffering extreme Quirk exhaustion. I’m talking probably one of the worst cases I’ve seen.” The woman told her. “He needs fluids, heat packs and the hospital. Now.”

Inko followed them as they took her son, pausing to lock her door as she ran after them to get into the ambulance. As she drove with them she began texting her law firm.

She had some things to do. Mostly plan on how to best terrify the doctor's office and potentially sue the doctor who misdiagnosed her son and never called back when the test was proven false. If it was possible anyway.

When they got to the hospital she put her phone away and ran after the cot when it was transferred to nurses, only being stopped by a nurse who needed her to fill out forms. She did so while her son was being checked over.

The forms were simple, though do once she ended up writing unknown in the Quirk box, including the words of the paramedic.

She then got directed to a sterile waiting room filled with magazines, other people and posters of heroes smiling and saying random messages that were supposedly comforting or something.

She waited quietly, eyes on the clock until a nurse came in.

“Mrs. Midoriya?” The nurse called and she stood, walking over to her. “Right this way. Your son was stabilized.” Inko followed the nurse who led her to a room where a doctor was looking over a clipboard, her son in a bed with multiple blankets, an IV line and what she thought were heat packs around him. It was a pediatric room, with bright walls and superheroes on them.

She thought he’d like it when he woke up.

“Ah, Mrs. Midoriya. I’m Doctor Aizawa.” The man offered his hand and Inko shook it. “Your son is… stable.”

“But not okay?” She asked.

“Okay is… harder to describe.” Said the doctor. He frowned, scratching his cheek. He’s handsome, Inko thought. Her worry for her son made her latch on to stupid details such as the man in front of her was handsome. Dark hair, dark eyes. Nice and tall. “Your son is suffering extreme Quirk exhaustion. In fact from his records we have on file it looks like he’s suffered it for years. It just happened to have fully kicked in now.” The doctor motioned to the bed. “His body temperature is extremely low and he shows signs of malnutrition but from what I understand you have been trying to help with that. Various vitamins and diets?”

“Yes. Are you saying he’s been suffering it for years but no one knew?!?” Inko demanded, heart in her throat and anger still in her gut.

“Quirk exhaustion can appear as chronic fatigue if it never reaches a serious point.” The doctor replied, looking at his clipboard again. “If the person white the right Quirk never checks it can be missed if the Quirk itself is passive. Like your son’s appears to be.”

“Do we know what it is?” Inko demanded, turning to look back at her son. He looked so small in the bed, swaddled up in blankets and heat packs. He shivered and her hands clenched. How was he cold, she wondered. How was he cold under so much?

“Sadly no. My Quirk enables me to stop the usage of Quirks on myself, so I won’t be able to tell.” The doctor said. Inko frowned, glancing at him and waiting for an explanation. “Part of my Quirk is that this way I am able to tell what a person’s Quirk is when they use it on me. I don’t know the full details but I can tell what it does in the basic terms.”

“And that’s why you’re a doctor?” Inko asked. He looked surprised and she blushed. “Izuku loves Quirks. He’ll probably ask you a million questions when he wakes up and ask to write it all down in a notebook. He loves analyzing.”

“Ah,” chuckled Dr. Aizawa. “Possible his Quirk deals with other Quirks then, that’s a common side effect. Becoming interested in other Quirks though usually it’s just wanting to know what they do. That was how it was for me and my cousin.”

“Cousin?” Inko asked.

“Ah yes. My cousin is a pro-hero. His Quirk enables him to stop other people’s Quirks when they’re working. He can erase all but mutation types. I was going to ask permission to contact him. I often do so in cases like this. As long as it’s not mutation he can tell what your son’s Quirk main purpose is.”

“Main purpose?”

“Some Quirks have multipurpose Quirks. For example, Tanaka- the paramedic you met- Medical Check enables her to be able to tell what someone’s medical concern is at the moment, but it also enables her to retain vast amounts of information on medical history and enables her to know what the exact tool needed for a patient is. It’s why she’s such a good paramedic.” Dr. Aizawa informed her. “We can figure out the main purpose and any side effects will then come later.”

“Thank you, please call him,” Inko replied and the doctor left, leaving Inko to wait by her son’s side, hoping he’d wake up.

He didn’t by the time a tall dark-haired man in a black jumpsuit stumbled in, a visitor badge on a lanyard around his neck along with a long scarf. Dr. Aizawa followed him, looking annoyed.

“Hello,” The man in the jumpsuit said in exhaustion. “I’m Aizawa Shouta, the Pro-Hero Eraserhead.”

“Eraserhead?” Inko asked. “My son knows you.”

“... what?” The man looked startled. Inko chuckled, unable to help it.

“My son. He loves heroes, wants to be one. He found out about you and just became obsessed. Said you’re a little like him, fighting with no Quirk.” The man blinked and then coughed, rubbing the back of his head.

“That’s nice.” He muttered. Dr. Aizawa snickered from behind him and his cousin shot him a nasty glare. “I’m going to use my Quirk to disable your son’s. I should have the basic idea of what it is then.” Inko nodded and watched as the man’s eyes went red and his hair floated up along with his scarf. When his eyes went to her son, she gasped, feeling a sudden dizziness. She stumbled slightly and grabbed the table she was sitting by.

“Mrs. Midoriya!” Dr. Aizawa cried out, going to check on her. She blinked and let him check her over as the other Aizawa dropped his Quirk and turned to them. “Was this her son’s Quirk?” Dr. Aizawa asked.

“Yes,” Eraserhead replied. “Her son has a bond type Quirk, meaning he forms bonds with people and I think boosts their Quirk.”

“Oh, is it drawing too much energy from him?” The doctor asked in worry. “I’ll contact a specialist in bonding Quirks.”

“Why are you spending so much time on this?” Inko asked the doctor. “I mean I’m happy, don’t get me wrong but… Izuku is just a little boy who had an unknown Quirk.”

“Bonding Quirks are dangerous,” Eraserhead was the one to reply, facing her. “Bonding Quirks that affect others? More so. There was a villain who had one over fifty years ago. By bonding with people he could heal them by passing the wounds onto others. He killed twenty heroes and over a hundred civilians.”

“There’s also the chance his bonding with others could be accidental and could have a villain bond to him and increase his Quirk,” Dr. Aizawa told her. “We need to be careful.” Inko nodded her understanding. “Shouta, can you stay on-site for a while? I’ll have to report this and in case a villain is tipped off…”

“I will.” Eraserhead promised before yawning. “I’ll sleep in the cot if that’s okay?” He asked Inko. “I had a case that had me up for the last few days.” Inko waved him to the spare cot in the room normally meant for parents and he collapsed into it with a groan.

Dr. Aizawa left to go and make his calls. Inko herself decided to go and get a drink from a machine, leaving the room quietly.

Walking down the hospital halls, she found her way to a vending machine where she put in some money to get a water bottle. Waiting for it, she heard a familiar voice from behind her. She turned to see a familiar blonde woman scowling at a blonde boy.

Bakugou Mitsuki and her son, Bakugou Katsuki.

Inko and Mitsuki used to go to the same high school, and were friends of a sort. Enough that when their kids were younger and they had learned they lived in the same areas, they started hanging out again. But Mitsuki was a model, and her husband a fairly popular fashion designer. Often they were out and about with work, meaning that Inko and Mitsuki were restricted to monthly meet-ups.

Inko didn’t mind. Mitsuki was a nice enough woman but she was a lot to handle.

“Calm down brat, the doctors said you were fine!” Mitsuki told her son.

“What do they know? My explosion was way less powerful than before!”

Inko suddenly knew. She stood there and watched the two and just knew. She knew deep in her gut what had happened.

As if in a trance, she walked up to them. Mitsuki saw her first, and a look of concern crossed her face. After all, she was in the pediatric part of the hospital.

“Inko! Is Izu-chan okay?” the woman asked. Inko didn’t answer, instead staring down Katsuki.

“Bakugou Katsuki.” she began in a very clear tone, controlling her anger. “What did you say to my son?” He froze, eyes wide before they darted to the side. Mitsuki began scowling.

“Brat! Didn’t I fucking tell you to leave Izu-chan the fuck alone! What the hell are you thinking, still being mean to your friend?!”

“They’re not friends,” Inko spoke up, still staring at him. “Izuku is a terrible liar but I can tell when someone explodes his belongings. I just never had proof.”

Mitsuki paled before her eyes flashed and cheeks reddened. She might have managed to become more affluent and gain a fair amount of money from modelling and fashion, but she grew up like Inko, terrified and constantly trying to make ends meet. Secretaries like Inko, even ones working for a law firm, did not make enough to cover replacing clothes all the time.

“Bakugou Katsuki,” Mitsuki snarled through her teeth and Katuski actually paled himself, looking at her. “We will have a talk later, young man.” she continued through her teeth.

The look her son carried told Inko that he knew the anger Mitsuki felt then wasn’t the fireworks or the cherry bomb temper his mother usually had. Loud screaming, and snapping, but then she was done. Got the anger out.

Her anger then was the colder anger she carried, born from years of abuse and terror she had felt as a kid.

“What did you say?” Inko asked him again.

“... Told him you didn’t love him and he was a worthless Deku,” Katsuki admitted. Inko closed her eyes as Mitsuki jerked away from her son, a look of pure anger crossing her face before her fists clenched.

“Bakugou Katsuki, me and your father WILL be talking about this,” Mitsuki grounded out, the words sounding as if it took everything she had not to scream them. “And expect a very lengthy punishment.” The shocked look Katsuki flashed her made Inko’s heart cold.

“My son came home from the park and collapsed,” Inko said. “Turns out the doctor used a test on him that was outdated five years back, but we were never called in for a revaluation. He came and collapsed due to Quirk exhaustion.”

“Son of a bitch.” Mitsuki whispered, her eyes widening. Inko nodded, still looking at the young boy.

Katsuki looked shocked before a look of pure anger crossed his face. His hands clenched and Inko wanted to shake him. How dare he be angry her son has a Quirk. How dare he look like that.

She didn’t though. Instead, she kept speaking.

“It's a bonding Quirk. When he bonds with someone, their Quirk increases, we think.” Her eyes flashed to Mitsuki who made a choked noise at what she said before Inko continued to speak, “A man who could erase Quirks temporarily came in and erased his. I felt dizzy and confused for a second, weaker.”

“... No,” Katsuki said, it clicking for him too. “No! THAT FUCKING FREAK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY STRENGTH! WITH MY QUIRK!” he screamed at Inko. A few nurses in the halls turned to look their way and a security guard who had been down the hall turned around. Inko didn’t move.

“If I’m right and he snapped the bond, then you owe him a lot. And you ruined it.” Inko told him before turning around. Katsuki screamed again but his mother moved him away from Inko, grabbing a nurse to speak and keeping a grip on her son as Inko walked away.

Was it cruel to say that to a ten-year-old? Inko wondered as she walked back to her son’s room.

Possibly.

But she didn’t regret it.

-0-

Izuku blinked his eyes open, squinting at the bright light from the ceiling. He closed his eyes again, groaning as his brain felt like it was full of sludge, his mind struggling to understand what was going on. He was cold for some reason, but he could feel blankets on himself.

“Izuku!” his mother cried out, running to him from the doorway into his room. “You’re okay?”

“Mom?” Izuku slurred. He shivered, feeling cold, so cold. “Mom where am I?” Izuku asked.

“The hospital honey,” Inko told him, reaching up to run a hand over his head. “You collapsed after coming home from the park.”

Izuku hummed and then shivered again, wrapping the blankets around him as if he was a butterfly in a cocoon.

“I’m cold,” he whined.

“I know baby,” Inko said. She tucked the blankets in more as a doctor he didn’t recognize came in, along with a guy in a black jumpsuit holding a coffee mug.

“Ah, he is awake.” the doctor said. He bowed his head and introduced himself as Doctor Aizawa. “And this is my cousin Eraserhead.”

Izuku blinked at the doctor’s word, trying to understand. His mother looked at him with worry while the doctor walked over to check his temperature and check his vitals.

“... Eraserhead? THe hero?” Izuku asked, blinking rapidly. “I… I saw your fight with Angel Dust.” Eraserhead frowned.

“That fight?” he shook his head. “How did you find the stream?”

“I… I got hit by a classmate’s Quirk. Makes you stay up for days. Couldn’t sleep and found it.” Izuku admitted. The said classmate had actually hit him on accident and felt awful about it. Had been really nice until her family moved. He missed her, she had been one of the few who wasn’t scared off by K… Bakugou. He shivered again and wrapped the blanket tighter around him.

“Ah.” Eraserhead nodded. He fell silent after that, the doctor instead taking over.

“Vitals are fine. Core temperature is still low but slowly rising. If your theory is right Mrs. Midoriya, then it is possible part of the bond drew heat from the other boy and losing it dropped his own temperature.” The doctor said, causing Izuku to frown. He looked at the doctor, his head slowly feeling less foggy.

“Huh?”

“Izuku… honey. You have a Quirk.”

He wanted to throw up.

-0-

A Quirk.

He had a Quirk all this time. Every single damn year since he was born, he’d had a Quirk.

And it was thanks to some stupid doctor who used an outdated test and the doctor’s office who never called he was tormented for years.

Izuku stayed under his blankets, not wanting to leave as Dr. Aizawa left, saying he had spoken to the specialist and they would come soon.

His mother left as well, heading out to speak with her boss and to settle things with the school.

“It sucks.” A voice from Eraserhead startled Izuku who had forgotten he was in the room, laying on the cot. “It sucks this happened to you. If you want to punch someone or scream I’m here.”

“... if people knew earlier everyone would want to be my friend. They will now.” Izuku voiced. “Like K… Bakugou. Everyone wants to be his friend even though he’s mean cause they think they’ll be cool with him.”

“Mhmm.” Aizawa hummed. “Me and Minato, your doctor, were in a foster home when I went to UA. When I got into the hero course they suddenly bragged about it, wanted to be around me and be my friend.” He chuckled a little. “I told them no. In unkind terms. Mostly swear words.”

Izuku snickered at that before falling silent. The two laid in the room together silently for a little while longer.

“...I don’t want to bond with Bakugou again. But if mom was right and he-”

“No,” Eraserhead said. He sat up from the cot he had been laying on to go and sit beside Izuku, staring at him. “You don’t owe him a damn thing. If you broke the bond, then it was over something you felt went too far. From what I can tell he’s been bullying you. You do not owe him friendship or respect or anything.” The older man told him, holding his eyes. “No one owes anyone anything.”

“But he wants to be a hero. And heroes need to be strong.” Izuku said. Eraserhead shook his head at that.

“Then he needed this wake-up call. Bullies don’t last long in hero courses if we can help it. It’s better he learns that his actions have consequences now than later when he’s older and in a hero course but gets removed from said course.” Eraserhead reached out to lay a hand on Izuku’s head. “You do not owe him anything kid. Don’t let him make you think you do.”

Izuku laid in bed, staring at the ceiling while Eraserhead went back to bed. He felt a sudden deep thought.

Eraserhead was right.

He didn’t owe Bakugou a single thing. He didn’t owe him his friendship, his time or his Quirk.

He was Izuku. He was going to be a hero.

And he owed him nothing.

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This spiralled off a Tumblr ask and I couldn't resist it. It was to much fun. I hope you guys are enjoying this! Also, yes. Tags are right, we get some Bakugou redemption later on though that will take a while. He's a stubborn brat.

The Aizawa/Inko pairing is the only one I have planned and originally it wasn't even planned. Just me kinda playing with a thought and oops, down the rabbit hole.

Little bit on Aizawa and his cousin: Both are related and were kept together due to this. Their parents were killed when Minato was about ten, and Aizawa was about seven. When Aizawa got into the hero course, Minato was just graduating high school. He got custody of Aizawa and the two left the foster home. Minato is the only medical professional OTHER then Recovery Girl that Aizawa trusts to treat him.

Minato will not play a huge role other then as a doctor and Shinsou's dad but you will get references to the man.

#bnha #bnha au #decagon #bakugou critical #fic #izuku #inko #aizawa #aiinko

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aquatic-bees · 3 years

Text

Everything is so weird because I fantasize about living in a house with someone and just having a good time, playing board games, watching movies, wishing each other a safe trip when we have to go somewhere and the other can’t go with. But I don’t know if I want that relationship to be romantic…

It’s really confusing because I’m not sure if I even experience romantic attraction, like two of my friends (R & V) are dating and anytime they mention they are going on a date or they hung out(like on Rs birthday) and didn’t invite me I feel sad. I don’t know if it’s because I feel left out, or lonely that I don’t have a partner, or because I’m attracted to one or both of them.. I don’t think I am.. but maybe I am. I don’t really want to be, not because I know they are in a relationship more because I doesn’t sound enjoyable.. that sentence doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel either, it’s like… idk I’m usually good at analogies but I guess this is a different story.

There was this iced tea energy drink I had a couple weeks ago and it tasted good at first, but then the after taste of the drink kicked in and it just felt gross so I would drink more to get rid of it and get back the tea flavor but the energy drink flavor just kept coming back. I went downstairs to get some plain water so I would feel better. After that I went back to the energy drink I left upstairs because maybe I was overreacting and it tasted fine. I took a sip and there it was, that awful flavor. I just couldn’t take it, it tasted so bad I wanted to throw up. I drank the water and calmed down, everything was fine. You don’t have to drink something you don’t like just because others like it and drink it daily. Drink what feels right to you.

Maybe that helped, idk. It helped me atleast. I mean, I did write it. I helped see my emotions in a new light one that feels easier to understand.

I think I might be aromantic just looking for a qpr (queer platonic relationship)

I have another friend (VE) who might be aromantic as well, R told me that they think they might be since they never had a “gay panic” and are also not straight. VE told me that they want to live in Northern California because it rains there and their parent don’t want them to leave California in the first place so it’s technically not leaving California just moving up north a bit. I want to live there too because it’s colder than Southern California and I’m pretty sure there are more trees there than where I live currently which is for me, a must. It would be nice I think to have an aromantic roommate especially when I.. I’m aromantic as well.

The funny thing about this entire post is that I realized this all before but I guess it takes time to fully admit the truth to yourself. I even told someone else I was aromantic during a conversation months ago, then I was like but what if I do want to be in a relationship with someone in that way? What if I’m just lying to myself about this and then I meet the one™? Are people going to judge me because of this? I read romance novel, what if someone uses that as proof I’m not what I say I am?

But here I am, dreaming of living with a friend, that’s it. Just a friend. It feels good to finally accept this side of myself fully.

#aromantic #aromantism #aro pride #lgbtq #lgbtqia #arospec

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angelofthequeers · 4 years

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hi, i was making an aroace sapphic character and wondered if you could give me any tips? :)

I can sure try! If anyone is uncomfortable with semi-explicit talk about sex (in terms of smutty writing and vague personal anecdotes) then feel free to skip over the asexuality part. I’m mostly going to talk about my own experiences as an aroace sapphic to try and offer more depth than just generic character advice. And this is my experience; not every aroace is the same. I’ll also refer to your character with she/her pronouns but they might not be the ones that she uses, so I apologise in advance if that’s the case.

So this is assuming that she’s fully aroace instead of, like, somewhere else on the aro and ace spectra (such as demisexual or greyromantic). I direct you to look up oriented, angled, and electio aroace to get a better idea of ways in which this entire package of aro, ace, and sapphic might come together - you don’t have to use or adhere to these labels but they do provide handy information in case you want a better understanding for your character. Basically:

Asexual

I don’t experience sexual attraction (or if I do and I’m demi like I first thought, I sure as hell haven’t noticed it yet). I never look at someone and think “hmm, they’re so physically hot and I want to smash them specifically”. A lot of my smutty writing was heavily influenced by other people’s smut at the start because, like...I didn’t know what was supposed to be hot. I didn’t inherently know what to describe when writing sex scenes. I had to rely a lot on other people and put together what they found “hot” in terms of physical descriptions of bodies because I don’t feel that kind of draw to people. Back when I was into Supernatural, everyone always went nuts over Misha Collins’ hipbones and I was like...yeah, they’re nice aesthetically because they stick out and they’d probably be sharp and cool to touch, and I incorporated that into my writing by often focusing on Castiel’s hipbones from Dean’s perspective. But I truly didn’t understand why they were considered so attractive. I wasn’t physically drawn to any part of Misha or Castiel (apart from things like his hair and eyes, and even then it wasn’t a sexual draw) and I had to absorb what parts allosexual writers found hot and then translate that into my own writing. I claimed to have a crush on Brendon Urie when I was 16 purely so I wouldn’t look like a “freak” to the other girls in my year, and I made that claim based on my aesthetic draw to his looks and assuming that that was what sexual attraction had to be.

(Look up aesthetic attraction. It’ll blow your mind once you realise that you can be drawn to people without it being sexual in any way. This is a very good definition of it).

And it’s important to separate libido (sex drive) and attraction (the draw to specific people) because a lot of aces can have an average to high libido and even sleep with people but just...not feel sexually drawn to anyone. So in the case of your character, you have to decide whether she’s going to have no libido and/or is squicked by the concept of sex, or if she’s got a higher libido and is drawn to the concept of sex, or anything in between. Me personally? My libido and my draw to the concept of sex fluctuates - sometimes it’s as high as what you’d expect from a typical allosexual, sometimes even the vague idea makes me cringe and my engine is flat - but I’m never attracted to anyone specifically. That lack of attraction is what makes me ace, because you can also get allosexual people (non-asexuals) whose libido and relationship with sex is like this.

There’s that misconception that ace people are pure virgins who cringe at the very idea of being touched and sure, some ace people are sex-repulsed and touch-averse, but a lot of us aren’t. Some of us might enjoy sex as a bonding activity in the same way that you’d enjoy yoga or another form of exercise; it’s nice and feels good, but it’s not exactly our highest priority and we could go without it for a good while if we wanted. Some of us actively enjoy sex and initiate it often. Some of us are okay with one-night stands because we’re not attracted to anyone specifically and just want the sex. Some of us don’t want to do it with someone else but enjoy some self-love every now and then, whether as stress relief or because that’s just the kind of sex we enjoy. Some of us are okay with touching someone sexually but don’t want that touch reciprocated.

Even if you’re not planning on putting your character into a sexual situation, it’s handy to figure out her relationship to sex and touch because that can give her another dimension, such as where does she draw the line with touching? At what point does she see it as going from non-sexual to sexual? What kind of touch does she crave? Does she not want any touch at all, either because she hates it or because she’s afraid that it’ll inevitably stray into sexual touching? I crave touch because I’m a very tactile person, but when I’m touching someone who’s not a family member, I’m always uncomfortably aware of how one tiny shift in position or one slide of a hand can make things stray out of my comfort zone and send the wrong message. And I hate it when people unexpectedly draw me into contact, such as someone suddenly hugging me. That could also be a dimension of my autism, but I do feel that my asexuality plays a part because touch from a family member of mine is always different to that of anyone else.

Aromantic

And then we come to romantic attraction. I...don’t know what that is. I mean, I do know what it is in theory, but where’s the line between platonic attraction and romantic? Some of us aros might enjoy romantic-coded things like kissing, yet not feel that romantic draw to a specific person. And what makes these things romantic in the first place? Dates are just a hang-out between people where you get to know them better. Kissing can be a sexual thing, and many one-night stands or friends with benefits kiss without it being romantic. Family members cuddle. Friends compliment each other’s appearances. All of these things can potentially be reshaped to remove the romantic element, and that’s what makes it so confusing for me personally to figure out wtf romantic attraction is.

Just like with asexuality, we can range from romance-repulsed to craving a relationship that’s romantic in nature. Some of us are okay with being in a romantic relationship with a friend who’s attracted to us in that way because we want increased intimacy and don’t mind it taking on a romantic tone. Some of us freak out when a friend confesses to us. Some of us don’t really want or don’t care for a romantic relationship but want to not look like an outsider to alloromantics. Some of us do it for the tax benefits.

(But in all seriousness, the world is currently heavily skewed in favour of romance. Some places only accept your next-of-kin if they’re legally family i.e. your spouse, and just being their good friend won’t cut it. Capitalism makes it so that we basically have to live with others to survive in certain places because living alone is inaccessible. Marriage comes with certain benefits that other relationships don’t. Queerplatonic relationships can be just as deep as romantic ones and incorporate everything that romantic ones do yet in a deromanticised way, yet they’re not seen as valid. Look up alterous attraction to see how love and attraction can be so deep and yet something that doesn’t slot neatly into romantic or platonic. Once you start seeing all this, you just can’t stop).

I had a month-long online relationship with a girl back in 2017 and I thought I was feeling romantic attraction. I was giddy to talk to her, I had 7-hour phone calls when I normally had anxiety around phone calls, I felt good and happy when she sent me selfies...but there was something about the relationship that I couldn’t put my finger on. I thought at the time that it was just because it being online meant that I didn’t have the physical intimacy (like cuddling) and that affected it, but now I realise that I’m aro and I was trying to force myself into this idea of an ideal relationship because I didn’t know that you could be close and not be romantic partners. I still talk to her and we’re still close, but there’s so much less pressure and panic now that I’m not trying to force myself to be attracted to her in a way that I think I should be. But I’m still drawn to her in a way that I’m not drawn to men and in a way that’s not just platonic, which is why I call myself sapphic aroace. And even if I figure out whether I am drawn to men as well, it still feels...different. More on that later on in this ask. But it’s basically why I just call myself queer and why I’ve given up on trying to find the Perfect Microlabel for myself, because I never will.

So regarding your character, the first thing to do is figure out where exactly she sits on the aromantic spectrum. Is she fully aro? Does she feel romantic attraction once in a blue moon, and who does she feel it towards? How close would she have to be to someone to feel that attraction? Does she constantly question what romantic attraction is, or does she not even care what it is? Does she want a romantic relationship, or does she crave close friendship? Does she not understand where that boundary between close friendship and romance is? How would she react if a friend confessed romantic feelings to her? Is she okay with doing things like cuddling, or does she fear that it’ll be misread as romantic? How does she react when people tell her to stop flirting or otherwise imply that she is? Can she tell when others are flirting with her? What even is love at first sight? Why is romantic love so much more important than platonic or familial or any other form? Why are people so obsessed with finding The One™? Why can stories only be relatable/attractive/amazing/etc. if there’s a romantic relationship in them? Why are the ‘greatest love stories of all time’ romantic? Why can’t those greatest love stories be between friends? What do you do when you’ve got a wlw or mlm relationship and you want to offer this representation but don’t want to feel pressured to make them romantic just because of that? Why even is love itself seen as such an important thing, like we’re inhuman robots if we don’t love someone in any way? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Like I said, once you start questioning this stuff, you can’t stop. That was basically my raw thought process while I was writing that paragraph, and that last one about the wlw/mlm relationships is my current struggle with my original characters).

Sapphic

So, tying in a sapphic draw with being aroace, I once again urge you to look up oriented aroaces, along with angled and electio. I recommend starting here and here. Basically, what we feel isn’t romantic or sexual, and it might not be just platonic, but it’s something. It’s something important enough that we feel like it’s a key part of our identity because it shapes how we interact with people and it might make us feel separate enough from aroaces or aspec people that we start to question ourselves and where we belong. Going back to an aro who might crave or be okay with a romantic relationship or an ace who might be into sex, they might be an oriented aroace who wants this partnership with someone they love or wants sexual experiences with only those who would fall under her sapphic attraction umbrella. In the case of your character, how does her sapphicness interact with her aroaceness? How does her attraction to women or woman-aligned people differ from her attraction to those who aren’t included in the sapphic umbrella? (Look up non-binary sapphics, for example). Does she feel like she has to call herself sapphic/a romantic-oriented term and leave herself open to potential relationships because she doesn’t want to be alone, or does she genuinely feel that attraction? Once you add in the aroace dimensions, it changes the gay/bi/pan/etc. dimension to something that can’t just be defined as “attracted to this gender” and it’s something you have to think about to know how your character would interact with different people in different circumstances.

Good luck with your character! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need any more help 😊

#ask #aotq answers #aromantic #asexual #sapphic #aroace #oriented aroace #sexuality #cw sex mention #just to be on the safe side #aroace character #writing help #character help

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winterline13 · 4 years

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Any advice on asking someone to be in a QPR?

i’ve been sitting on this one for the past few hrs bc it’s-- a lot to unpack ;w;

Advice under the Read More bc I have a lot to say ;w;’’’

Tw for a few vvv brief mentions of abuse. They’ll be pointed out about a sentence beforehand and marked at their end so you can gloss over them. Trust me you won’t miss much, just some additional but not necessary insight. :”)

Ultra first for those who don’t know, a QPR is a Queer-platonic relationship. I don’t know a whole lot, there are a lot more educated people than me, so do your own research so I don’t tell u wrong lmao. To my understanding, it’s like a strong, deep platonic commitment between two people, similar to that of marriage but usually without the lovey-dovey kissy kissy. Again, to my understanding, I could very well be wrong.

First and foremost, treat it like you would a romantic relationship in the sense that when you ask, be prepared for the other party to say no. It may not happen, but that doesn’t deny the possibility. Just because it’s platonic doesn’t mean that it’s not a level of commitment some people just may not be ready for, or may not necessarily want. (tw upcoming) Some may be happier in a QPR when it’s simply developed naturally over time, rather than an official label on a relationship they may feel they have to stay in. Especially true of those who may have gone through some kind of abuse, where they felt they had to stay with their abuser in any capacity because they felt they had to be in that commitment. (tw end) Speaking from my own experience, it can certainly feel like confirming something of that caliber makes one stuck, with no way out even if that’s not the case. It’s scary, and it just means that the other person either may need time or may be happier without the label even if the dedication is still there.

That said, don’t be afraid to ask. Just as there are those who may be scared to give an answer, there may be those who have been waiting for you to ask and are more than happy to say yes! Either way it goes is very case by case and won’t be the same with each QPR couple/family unit.

Secondly, be prepared for the other person to be confused, not sure what you mean. You may have to explain to them exactly what a QPR is, and what it means for you two to decide upon that label. Be prepared to have to simplify it for those who may be having difficulty understanding even if they want to, because alas sometimes large amounts of information is scary. ;w; i say, fully aware that this is, indeed, a large amount of information and is, therefore, scary

Thirdly, be prepared for the other person to be hesitant, especially when they’re already in any kind of romantic relationship. Ties back to one in the sense that they may not be ready for that commitment, and back to two in the sense that they may not understand that a platonic relationship of this caliber is different from a romantic one. They may simply just not want a label for any other reason, and may not want to label your friendship with them and simply just exist in the friendship itself. Not a bad thing by any means, it just means they may not know how to politely tell you that without making it seem like they don’t value your friendship.

3.5, if they’re already in any kind of romantic relationship, be prepared for them to react defensively if they don’t understand. They may misunderstand and think you’re trying to slide into their DMs so to speak.

3.5.5 (tw upcoming) Even if they don’t respond negatively while in a romantic relationship, they may hesitate bc of that romantic relationship. Especially those who have been through abuse and are finally with a partner who can love and care for them in the gentle way they need, they may still be processing whatever trauma came with previous abuse and may not think they can be in a QPR bc they’re in a romantic relationship. (tw end) This might be a situation where it’s best to guess and talk to the other person’s partner first, give them a heads up and answer any questions so the partner can help the other person understand. I’d honestly recommend talking with the other person’s partner(s) if they have one/any and letting them know beforehand if you know the other person has been traumatized via abuse, as answering their partner(s) questions will allow their partner(s) to consol the other person and relieve their fears safely.

Lastly, just be honest, like you would when asking someone to be in a romantic relationship with you. Let them know how much they mean to you, but don��t put any pressure on going either yes or no. If you truly want to be in a QPR or hell, any kind of friendship/relationship with them, then more than likely, even if it hurts, you’ll probably still be happy simply being friends with the person. Just because you’re not in a QPR doesn’t mean you can’t give them hugs and forehead kisses and cuddle under the stars. So while it may hurt for them to maybe not be ready to be in a QPR or maybe not want to have that label, you’ll still be able to be friends with them, see their smile when they light up talking about things they love. You’ll still be able to make them laugh, and watch goofy movies together.

I hope that helps and answers your question adequately. I speak from my own experience initiating romantic relationships and my understanding of QPRs in general. <3

Take care, love! <3

#tw abuse #serious post #advice given #advice #queer platonic relationship #qpr

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butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker · 5 years

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cw: ace inclusion politics

I'm not advocating for exclusionary politics here, it's more of an observation

So I've been having a vulnerable month, and cope-read all the great, closeted classics to pep myself up. & one thing ive appreciated is how often the "non-sexual" character is essentially the villain of the piece.

you've got Maurice (1914), although it was published in the 70s. Maurice's first boyfriend is a fellow undergraduate, who is ok with the theory of gay love but not at all comfortable with the practice. Clive is contrasted to Maurice's second big love, who is up for running away to a cabin in the forest for a shag. In all his books, Forster returns to the image of the pagan/pastoral/sensual world, that we must throw off the chains of propietary and live naturally; even when the topic isn't explicitly gay, the call to come out and live fully is there.

(This mirrors the Victorian-era discourse in early gay dude spaces, which drew heavily from the Classics. And there was discourse at the time between men who sincerely believed in Greek love as a platonic educational ideal, men who liked fucking men, and I suppose a confused category in the middle of people who were too ashamed to adopt the latter. See also Oscar Wilde's trial defence, where he essentially tried to explain his lifestyle as part of a heritage of noble, platonic love between an older, wiser man for a younger one, despite being in the dock for blowing teenage sex workers)

Then you've got Giovanni's Room (1950s), which is a must read if you haven't already. The protagonist, David, can't face coming out; he does sleep with men, but a crucial observation of the novel is that he does it hating himself and his body and his partner and essentially dissociating a lot. That behaviour is depicted as a kind of spiritual violence to himself and his lover.

and then you've got Victim (1961), which is the first film in the English language to use the word "homosexual". It's an obviously political film advocating for the decriminalisation of homosexuality. The protagonist, Melville Farr, is a married lawyer, whose young friend is being blackmailed. Farr attempts to avenge this, knowing that his own secret might be revealed. It's made clear in the text that Farr has never slept with a man - appropriate for the clean-cut hero of a film for straight people, wrestling with desires he can't help. But there's a subversive message there for the gay audience too: Farr needs to come out. He's implicated in what happens to his young friend as a result of his closet; he's also implicated in the suicide of a university friend who loved him; and his wife is sensitively sketched too, as someone he has wronged. It's a very courageous film, and the crew successfully fought to keep the one line the censor demanded they remove: Farr confessing that he "wanted" Barrett.

Finally, you've got Queer as Folk (1990s), the landmark British TV show about gay life. The first episode is wall-to-wall cruising and sex. After that, it settles down: Russell T is an exceptional writer of character and relationships, and the story is about friendship and community. But he insisted that it begin with explicit content, that the show didn't pussy-foot around the reality that gay people sleep with one another.

If you wanted to study the history of gay men in culture, you could go a long way by reading the Oscar Wilde trial, Maurice, Giovanni's Room, then watching Victim and Queer as Folk. Each one is a landmark moment in our culture, as well as all being moments where queer men wrote about their own lives.

Notice how in each of them, sex is absolutely crucial. Being able to depict sex on screen (QAF) or articulate sexual desire (Victim) was the one thing censors wanted to cut and the one thing it became politically essential to maintain.

Notice how often non-sexual characters are the villains of these stories; characters whose shame complicates the lives of the characters attempting to live without it. In both Victim and Giovanni's Room, it's clear that the protagonists are gay or bisexual, and deeply ashamed. In Maurice, I actually think you could do a successful reading of Clive as an asexual character; the novel doesn't seem aware that this could be a possibility, or have empathy for it. Maurice is the protagonist, so the focus is on Clive's impact on him rather than Clive's experiences. But I feel the intention was, in line with the Victorian gay politics of the era and the other books on the list, was to imply that Clive was still closeted internally.

(I've been reflecting on Dan Savage recently, who has improved on asexuality a lot in response to criticism. One of his mantras is "never date a closet case", and I'm wondering to what extent his original lack of patience for asexuality as a concept was part of this same experience, of trying to date men who aren't fully out to themselves yet, and how destructive that can be to one's own process)

Where does this leave asexual politics? I think there's a natural fault line between asexual and gay/bi politics which we need to be aware of, and more gentle & compassionate in navigating with one another. You can lump the politic together into a message of "everyone having sexual freedom which is authentic and natural for them, including absence of sex". But that works better on paper than in reality. How can we reconcile between people for whom sex is liberationary and people for whom no-sex is liberationary? Can we/should we/and how? It's not until I read all our classic literature in like, literally a week one after the other, that I noticed how central this is.

Asexual people are queer, and have actual problems that need solving; and it's simple enough to advocate for inclusion in contexts like, wider sex ed for young people, expanding society's understandings of what "normal" sexuality is, support in student LGBT campaigns and so on.

But sometimes I encounter stuff which makes me feel like...it shouldnt be surprising that people who aren't sexual don't quite get how important the right to be sexual and feel ok about your sexual self is to non-asexual people, and how essential it is for LGB people coming out for the first time or dealing with a lifetime of shame. Not really getting why it's important to depict gay-coded characters as sexual, or why Pride is such a hornfest. And I guess I don't know how to mediate between these two needs effectively all the time, except by calling on everyone to try and have more compassion for one another, & listen more with patience.

#gay history #ah! The discourse

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littlehollyleaf · 5 years

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Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.)

Then tag ten people

Tagged (ages ago, whoops!) by @castiel-saved-me-from-myself

(I’m sorry, I got distracted!)

1.Supernatural. Castiel.

Obviously. I may be out of the fandom now, but I’ve never loved a character as much as Cas, and probably never will.

2. Good Omens. Aziraphale.

Thought I’d put both my darling angels at the top :) I suspect that without Zira there to pave the way Castiel may not even have existed, so I love him double - for himself and for Cas as well :p

While really quite different when it comes to their personalities (just think how Zira would SHUDDER at Cas’ trenchcoat), they share a lot of character traits and tropes (mini-series!Zira anyway, maybe less so in the book, or less obviously anyway), so, no surprise that I should adore them both. I’ve also said before, and I stand by it, that Aziraphale is sort of a combination of my favourite aspects of both Cas and Dean in one, with Cas’ struggle with Heaven/god and trying to be a good angel and finding he loves humanity/earth more, plus Dean’s whole ‘performing Dean’ thing and repression of queer feelings he is scared to admit to (out loud) because he believes they are somehow ‘wrong.’

...just to give a little insight into my feelings about these two that was neither needed nor asked for...

4. Hellblazer. NBC Constantine. Legends of Tomorrow. John Constantine.

Aaaand the other guy I love twice because Cas, and indeed spn in general, kinda owe their existence to him. Though in turn his fabulous live action portrayal by Matt Ryan probably owes its existence to spn and Castiel’s popularity. So... there’s a weird ouroboros situation happening with my favs here that makes my head spin whenever I think about it, but I love it - stories within stories built on stories feeding off stories, which connects to wider themes of story and storytelling being vital and intrinsic to life and stuff.

Anyway, despite his wardrobe, Johnny is NOTHING LIKE CAS. He is, in fact, a lot like Dean. But I like him more. Maybe because he’s British :p He has the whole ‘repressing his feelings’ things, a bit like Zira, but it’s not because he thinks they are wrong, it’s more of a coping mechanism to deal with the constant tragedy/trauma his life/lifestyle/fate causes him to suffer. But whatever the reason, I like my characters facing that struggle :) (actually the British element is probably way more significant to my enjoyment of him than I’ve been fully aware of... that’s probably why I loved Zira so fast as well... obviously they are both a completely different class of British, literally, but the fact they ARE British is INTRINSIC to both their characters, and I guess a little, vaguely patriotic part of me is excited by that... :p)

4. Gotham. Edward Nygma.

Since I’ve started giving explanations - I love Eddie because he’s also got the whole ‘emotionally repressed’ / out of touch with (his) emotions thing going on (as seen in Zira and Cas), but with the addition of various geeky / ‘tech guy’ character traits that I also love.

5. Doctor Who (Classic). Vislor Turlough.

I waxed poetic once about how I liked Gotham’s Edward Nygma because he reminded me a bit of Turlough. That was early on in my Gotham days though and given how Eddie developed I don’t see as many similarities now. Turlough shares some of Eddie’s ‘dark’ traits however - self-centered, often lacking in empathy for others and nonplussed (sometimes even happy) to see them get into trouble or hurt. But ultimately his attempts to be self-serving and cowardly end up thwarted by him developing feelings for specific individuals despite his best efforts, which is what I enjoy about him (and actually that’s a lot like Eddie still, huh... their endgame’s are opposing though ofc - while Eddie goes on to embrace being a villain, Turlough gives up on villainy and even becomes a bit of a hero, now and then). Plus, Turlough is the ONLY Companion (IIRC?) to have joined the Doctor specifically in order to MURDER him and... idk, I just think that’s cool :P

6. Doctor Who (New). Donna Noble.

(I’m trying not to double up on fandoms/shows so I can cover more, but New and Classic Who count as different things, kinda, right...?)

Donna doesn’t really fit any of the character traits I’ve talked about above, though I guess her low self-esteem is something that all my other favs share in various ways (though it’s not such an EXPLICIT aspect of their characters and story arcs as it was for Donna I’d say). What I first loved about her was that after YEARS of New companions (and other randoms) being literally in love with the Doctor, she had a strictly platonic relationship with him. Yeah, I think maybe the show was a bit heavy-handed about it, but even so it came as a huge breath of fresh air and frankly a RELIEF to me. Not that I’m opposed to the Doctor having romantic/sexual relationships, it was just that... coming from a childhood love of the Classic series where that just... didn’t happen (save a fleeting kiss in the TV Movie - which I actually enjoyed fyi!), it just... idk, was starting to stretch my credulity that EVERYONE seemed to be falling for him maybe? Or at least for me it was growing tiresome. So the fact she didn’t have that element to her character/story was a plus. Then I just adore how loud and brash she is when calling anyone, including the Doctor, out on their shit (I envy her that maybe). Plus I like the way she isn’t... traditional TV pretty, you know? (ie. young and slim, like a lot of other companions).

...or maybe I just like redheads *shrug emoji*

7. Spartacus. Naevia.

(she has two actresses okay? and they both deserve kudos!)

Truth is I love FUCKING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW. Spartacus is like... my PERFECT SHOW. There isn’t a single moment, a single plotline, a single character that I don’t enjoy. I have never even CONSIDERED looking up or writing fic because the finished product is completely satisfying exactly as it is. God. But I wanted it represented in this list so I had to pick someone!

Considering the time period there couldn’t really BE a ‘geeky, emotionally repressed with low self-esteem’ character :p BUT nearly ALL of the characters have the whole ‘struggle to understand/discover who they are’ thing and the ‘who I am and want to be is counter to who I’ve been told I am / should be’ arc, on account of the main cast being rebelling slaves (though the other characters are equally complex and compelling and I love them too - Lucy Lawless in particular is incredible!). Anyone who’s seen me blog about the show before might have thought I’d pick either Agron or Nasir as my favs, since I do like to squee over their romance. But whenever I think about the show it’s usually Naevia who I remember first, because her character arc/development just BLEW ME AWAY. She went from someone I’d kinda dismissed at first as a typical het love interest to a WARRIOR GODDESS and you SEE all the key moments of that growth, you FEEL it, it makes ALL THE SENSE. And her romance with Crixus, which again I was initially a bit dismissive of as a typical, sudden, weak het romance, grows into, imo, one of the deepest, most developed, most believable love stories in the show. So yeah. Naevia. Amazing.

8. Due South. Ray Vecchio.

(he’s the guy not the dog - gifs were limited! ...also the dog is actually a wolf, it’s a whole thing... that doesn’t need exploring at this juncture)

Ray was my first TV crush :P He had a bit of a sidekick vibe to him I guess, which I like (lead characters tend not to interest me as much). He wasn’t ‘geeky’ exactly, but he def had the ‘trying to look/act cooler than I am’ thing going on... also an obsessive attachment to his vintage car... meanwhile his partner Benny was the stoic, ‘British, stiff upper lip, keep emotions in check’ one who was always trying to live up to the ideal persona dictated by his people/employers, in this case the Royal Canadian Mounted Police... HUH, so... it’s actually SUPER WEIRD that I ended up loving Cas and Zira over Dean and Crowley when it seems pretty clear suddenly that my first big fictional fav was CLEARLY the Dean-Crowley to Benny’s Cas-Zira......?? Ray was FUNNY in a way Dean and Crowley aren’t though, I think? He def filled a ‘comic relief’ slot on the regular and I liked that a lot (it also made his serious, angsty moments EXTRA serious and angsty, and extra angst is something I always love!)

9. The Librarians. Eve Baird.

Remember this little show? It was... is... sorta ridiculous. Not amazing. Based on some... very cheap, very OBVIOUS Indiana Jones rip-off films, that were also ridiculous and... not... great (the third one is the best, with an awesome performance by Stana Katic aka Kate Beckett as a vampire, but I digress). But... idek, I am EXTREMELY FOND of the series for some reason :p

There are a WHOLE BUNCH of characters that fit my ‘type’ more than Eve tbh... in fact... probably every.single.other.main.cast.member (save perhaps Jenkins?) shares the traits above that typically make a character my fav. But... EVE! I just... think she’s neat! ...maybe it’s BECAUSE all the others are main/lead characters that makes me gravitate towards her? In a cast where ‘geeky, socially awkward, struggles with emotions’ is the norm, Eve being the no-nonsense, socially competent, badass soldier type therefore becomes different and thus more interesting to me? Also, much like with Donna, I appreciate that she’s an older woman who gets to have a full character and plot of her own. There’s also something about her romance with Flynn that... makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jonathan Levinson.

(tumblr gif search failed me so I had to grab from elsewhere...)

Listen. Look. Okay. Buffy is pretty old school these days so, for anyone not in the know, as a character, originally, Jonathan... he wasn’t even a side character, he wasn’t even REOCCURRING, he was barely a background character. For several episodes he didn’t have a name and it wasn’t until several seasons after he became ‘Jonathan’ that he actually got a surname. Danny Strong was just an actor who happened to be occasionally on-hand when the script called for a random to have a line, until eventually that happened often enough for Joss to think ‘hey, you know what, let’s make this guy an actual part of the show...’

He got a couple of episodes focused on him in S03 and S04 respectively, but didn’t become a regular until S06 (and wasn’t in S05 AT ALL). Other than that he had a HANDFUL of ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments here and there, not even full scenes for the most part, usually lasting no longer than the above gif.

I tell you all this so that when I say childhood me (well... somewhere between 12 and 14 years anyway) was OBSESSED with this character in the show, and I mean O B S E S S E D (to the point of spending hours painstakingly making VHS recordings purely of the episodes he was in), you understand how UTTERLY BIZARRE that was. Because this obsession pre-dated S06. Was, in fact, in full swing during the airing of his S04 episode - which was, like, a fucking DREAM COME TRUE for freakily obsessed me fyi, because the whole episode was constructed with him as the LEAD CHARACTER, because he’d performed a spell to make him super awesome. They even changed the title sequence to read ‘Jonathan’ instead of Buffy! And while other fans were no doubt just lol-ing at the random I was bouncing about on my sofa all ‘MY TIME HAS COME!’ and fucking SWOONING over seeing MY CHARACTER suddenly in the spotlight and getting to do crazy fun OOC shit like this -

Then when S06 rolled around and HE WAS A LEGIT REGULAR, omg, I was in HEAVEN! First TV boxset I ever bought that - Buffy S06 :P

So... yeah. A bit of a fav. Geeky. Outcast. Slowly grows more morally grey, what with that spell I mentioned and also the fact he was teamed with the ANTAGONISTS in S06. I guess you could say he was the beginning of a lot of my fav fictional character traits/tropes (though looking back - I think his ‘villainous’ teammates in S06, Andrew and Warren, are more my ‘type’ these days, and I did end up loving Andrew especially a whole damn lot, but at the time I’d been a Jonathan fangirl for so.fucking.long. there was just no chance anyone else in the show was ever gonna come close to my heart!)

THE END.

Sorry not sorry for the tmi. I got a bit too into this one.

Actually sorry I have so few women on the list :( Internalised misogyny/sexism is a real thing and I spent a lot of my life being... somewhat unfairly dismissive of female characters or at least prioritising male ones over them. I’m working on it.

Ten people is SO.MANY. to tag. But I might as well do this right this time, since I’ve come so far. But if you’d rather not play, no worries! <3

@enchantersnight @momecat @bold-sartorial-statement @vampirebillionaire @edwardnashtons @miss-olivia-cellophane @knightinpinkunderwear @supes9 @leaper182 @hamburgergod

Honourable mentions (because I CAN):

Gotham. Lucius Fox.

Gotham. Fish Mooney.

Gotham. Tabitha Galavan.

Doctor Who. The Doctor.

Doctor Who. The Master/Missy.

Supernatural. Hannah.

Supernatural. Naomi.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Andrew Wells.

#about me #a true but boring story #well this was a fun nostalgia fest for me!#apologies to the rest of you.............

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lord-of-christmas-lights · 6 years

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Sanders Sides Mental Health AU I guess?

Disclaimer: I am going off my knowledge of these conditions. If I am incorrect, please tell me. I do not want to offend anyone.

• Roman has anorexia

• Logan has “high functioning” autism

• Patton is blind and depressed

• Virgil has anxiety (more specifically, OCD) and mild depression

• They meet at a “youth group for disabled and mentally ill teens” and quickly become close friends

• On weekends, they’ll hang out and discuss how terrible the support in the actual youth group is

• “But Logan, it brought us together.”

• “I suppose it did.”

• Over time they begin to help each other, though they don’t realize it at first

• Roman will hold Virgil’s hands steady when he’s having a panic attack and keep him calm

• Virgil describes music to Patton using just textures and feelings and makes him genuinely happy because he understands what depression feels like

• Patton helps Roman feel confident in himself by being nonchalant about his blindness (even when he isn’t fully okay about it)

• All three of them help Logan understand social aspects of society a little better and are willing to sit and listen for hours while he goes on and on about astronomy and mythology and etymology

• A year after they became friends, Remy and Daemon (Deceit) were introduced to the youth group with severe insomnia and pathological lying respectively.

• Roman jokingly invited them to a secret meeting called “Viva la mental health” detailing the take down of the youth group cause it sucked

• Like, this was one of those ones where it’s a classic PTA mom running the entire thing because her 9 year old son had to use crutches for a month after he broke his leg and she “realized the truth” about how “disabled and mentally ill people are treated in this world”

• Each session is an hour long on Wednesday’s and is almost entirely Karen the Soccer Mom sympathetically nodding and babying everyone.

• Anyways, Daemon and Remy actually show up despite only being to one meeting because that’s how bad it is and they end up being slowly brought into the friend circle as well

• Another year later and their mental health has improved far more because of their friends rather than the youth group

• Patton no longer pastes on smile after smile and is actually happy a lot more

• Roman has stopped counting calories and logging meals

• Virgil finds himself only washing once and tying his shoes left-right instead of right-left

• Logan is, well, still Logan cause autism isn’t something you can “fix” but he’s more comfortable and open around them than he was before

• Remy is sleeping a solid 3 hours every night instead of his previous routine of maybe 2 hours every few days

• Daemon is adapting to telling the truth more often and finding that it’s not as bad as it seems

• The third year mark happens to fall on Graduation Day and they all take a moment to reflect how much of an impact the others have made on their lives. None of them want to think what life might have been like without the others.

• College comes and they all somehow get accepted to two universities within an hour’s drive of each other (Logan and Roman in one school, Patton and Virgil in the other(Remy and Daemon applied to universities overseas))

• Five years have passed since they first met

• Roman’s eating disorder is almost completely gone, with just some after effects left over

• Patton is truly happy most of the time, and he’s far more comfortable navigating the world on his own

• Virgil still prefers order over chaos, but he has less of the impulse behind his organization now, and does it more out of fun than obligation

• Logan will be Logan, as always, and has at least adapted to being around people almost 24/7

• After they graduate, they return to their hometown where they find that ridiculous youth group still running and take over it themselves (VIVA LA MENTAL HEALTH) while buying a nearby house so they can all live there and contribute

• Patton becomes the therapist for the youth group using his psychology degree

• Logan is getting his PhD in astrophysics and quantum mechanics at a nearby college and plans to conference call with research facilities around the world from home

• Roman is well on his way to becoming a screenwriter for some pretty big TV shows in Hollywood

• Virgil has a degree in teaching and becomes the History/English teacher for the local high school

• Just think of them all as queer platonic life partners who formed a bond built with struggles and strife but supported by each other

#mental health #please tell me if i got anything wrong #i don't want to offend anyone #anxiety #depression #ocd #eating disorders #autism #sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #remy sanders #queer platonic partner

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chimerafeathers · 4 years

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just wanted to write out a bunch of My Hero thoughts/opinions because idk anybody else who watches it (or who would want to), but i don't really want to get into deep enough into the fandom to see the #drama

so, a bunch of random shit in no particular order:

- this is more about my relationship with anime in general but.... i always feel like i need to put a disclaimer on My Anime Opinions because of the perviness and fanservice and sexualization. it’s frustrating because the “shounen” genre (and yeah i know it’s not exactly a genre. whatever) caters to my interests in so many other ways!!! big, flashy battles, cool powers and magic systems, huge emphasis on The Power of Friendship, cheesy humor, great animation, everything is all kinds of HYPE and EXCITEMENT and FUN....but since shows like this are targeted towards teenage boys and often made by horny men, there’s also Boobs and token pervert characters that serve as an excuse to show More Boobs or Fantasize About Boobs. and the women’s powers are either “look i’m a girl!!!” (there were a couple of women early on in hunter x hunter whose powers were....sewing and vacuuming?? seriously??? and then another one later on who was an older woman who chose to make herself look like a little girl as her superpower??) or “what’s a power-related excuse to make these costumes As Skimpy As Possible” (cough cough Momo and Hagakure cough cough) or even having NO excuse (what the fuck, Bubble Girl, i know it was a fan design contest thing but that never should have been accepted it makes no sense i--) and that’s. really damn tiring and annoying. mha hasn’t quite crossed the line for me yet overall -- meaning my disgust with grape trash and other gross tropes hasn’t outweighed my enjoyment of every other aspect of the story and characters, and i hope that never becomes the case. (i tried to watch 7 deadly sins on netflix and??? the main character gropes an unconscious woman in literally the first episode with no consequences???? no fucking thank you!!!!! i’m OUT)

- anyway if anybody reads this and has any show recs that hit that Good Shounen Hype vibe with good animation, fantasy/sci-fi/superpower elements, but minimal (or nonexistent??) Creep Vibes, please send them my way. i know there are a bunch of good slice-of-life or comedy or drama shows that have queer themes and sensitive storytelling but man.....if there’s no magic or dragons what’s even the POINT

- on a related note, god fucking bless every “AU - M!neta M!norou Doesn’t Exist” fic on ao3, and everyone who makes every member of class 1-a queer in some way or another, so i can get my cool powers and great characters and dramatic plots without the threat of disgust and frustration

- also i just read the School Briefs series and while there were entirely too many chapters/sections that focused on grape trash, it WAS mentioned that Tiger of the Wild Wild Pussycats is canonically a trans man (who hasn’t been killed off!), and Shinso Hitoshi became the only man at UA I respect with one line: “He’s gotta be expelled for sexual harassment one of these days, right?”

- seriously, if shinso’s transfer gets approved i would literally rather have grape trash expelled than whoever ends up being the traitor (if it’s a hero course student. i honestly don’t really care about traitor speculation/theories).

- and yes “only man i respect” includes aizawa and every other 1-a boy who just!! lets shit happen with barely a comment!!! again, bless every fic where grape trash gets expelled early on or at the training camp because Hey, What He Does Is Fucked Up Actually and maybe someone who consistently disrespects and violates his peers’ boundaries and privacy shouldn’t be accepted as a HERO without getting some behavioral therapy first???? same kinda goes for bakugo too though, they really need to address his anger issues and beef with mido beyond “let’s force them to team up in high-stress situations even though this boy basically tried to obliterate the other one on, like, the second day of class. they’ll probably work it out!!”

- and on the subject of bakugo! i really fucking can’t ship him romantically with mido as their history and relationship stands in canon. (this is not meant to shame anybody for shipping it, i just want to articulate why it’s a notp for me personally. expressing my opinions is the point of this list.) i can see the foundations -- mido obsessed with baku, baku constantly frustrated by yet aware of mido, both of them being drawn to each other and tangled up in each other’s ideas of what it means to be a hero. but. baku made mido’s entire childhood hell. rejected and abused him for something he couldn’t control, ostracized him from all of his peers, mocked his passions, crushed his dreams, told him to jump off a roof. of course mido still clung to him--baku’s strong and smart and talented, and he was the only friend mido ever had, the only friend he had left, the “hero” he could see in his own life.

but at UA he has other friends, other heroes, people who support him and believe in him. it’s his chance to step outside of baku’s shadow and see his own self worth. and it’s baku’s chance to see how wrong he was, and outgrow his anger and prejudice!! see others as his equals instead of his inferiors! but it’s gonna take years for that to happen for both of them, and while i can see them becoming partners and friends who can finally talk to each other on the same level, and work together better than anyone because they know each other so damn well after everything they went through....i think they need to do that healing and growth separately, for the most part.

and like...okay, disclaimer, i am fully asexual and aromantic, so while i love reading shippy fics, there are some things i just cannot fucking understand or relate to. the whole “sexual tension between people who hate each other but can’t stop thinking about each other” or “arguments turn into make-out sessions” thing is just beyond me. if i hate a person i Do Not Want to be around them! at all!! so the idea that baku treats mido like that BECAUSE he’s attracted to him?? incomprehensible.

and on mido’s end, no matter how much he respects or admires baku, or even if he was endlessly infatuated with/attracted to him when they were younger, why the FUCK would he want to stay with someone who made him feel like dirt for so long, when he’s finally surrounded by people who love him fully and unapologetically? i want him to have more self-respect than that. i honestly, truly want to see baku grow and develop to the extent that he and mido can stand on the same level as equals. i want to see mido unashamed and unafraid, i want baku to apologize and mean it, i want mido to forgive him, i want baku to become the kind of hero mido always believed he could be.

but to me, that depth and complexity of relationship (while very very very good!!) is NOT the same thing as a romance, and turning it into one feels wrong when the foundations of it are just....baku tormenting mido, while mido had nothing and no one else to turn to. (his mom is great, but a parent is not the same as a friend, and she was literally the only person in his life who cared about him while baku and his cronies were beating him up and ridiculing him in front of teachers who turned a blind eye.) if they had been equal rivals from the beginning, with mido able to hold his own physically, socially, and/or emotionally instead of being left bruised and battered in the dirt every time, then sure! rivals to lovers, have at it. but for me, there’s gotta be that give-and-take.

i haven’t read shippy fic for those two and i’m sure there’s a lot of great stuff!! i’ve read platonic bk//dk-centric fic by writers who DO ship them and write mostly shippy stuff, and their take on that relationship is great and engaging and everything. but i feel like, to me, even when the growth and development of their canon-based relationship is handled really well, it’d feel wrong to me as soon as it turned romantic.

- .....which is one of the reasons why todo//mido is my JAM. bonding over shared loneliness and trauma, respecting each other as rivals right from the beginning, the contrast of chatty and sunny mido with quiet and calm todo, hurt/comfort on both sides, navigating their relationships with the people who have hurt them so much in the past, the capacity to be gentle and tender with each other while remaining passionate and dedicated rivals, growing and healing together, that good good Pining because neither one of them believes that they deserve the other, all of it!!! now THAT i can relate to and understand and see as the basis for romance. mido changed todo’s whole damn worldview in ONE FIGHT after todo spilled his whole tragic backstory to mido in their second conversation.

even so (and again, this might be ace/aro me not relating) i kinda roll my eyes whenever a fic emphasizes how attractive they find each other right away (especially on todo’s end, when mido is consistently described as plain or unremarkable). worst offenders are when they ~just so happen~ to be EXACTLY each other’s “type.” like, alright, sure, i gUESS.

it’s just so much more interesting to me if attraction follows affection instead of the other way around? especially in the context of canon events. but whatever, love at first sight’s just not my thing. never has been. and i like the idea that even though the start of their friendship is so chaotic and rushed in some ways, it still takes them time to get to know each other and come to terms with their own feelings. (slow burn slow burn SLOW BURN)

- okay those are all my more sincere/serious opinions

- i know canon is like “stop being such a crybaby :/” but mido crying all the time is one of my favorite things about him and i hope it never goes away, at least not completely

- some fics have mido getting growth spurts and getting really tall, and it’s an anime trope that getting taller parallels character growth/maturity (like Ed growing up in FMA after being short and mad about it was one of his defining characteristics for so long) but again......i just want him to stay short....please let my boy stay a small overemotional nerd.... hori please i’m begging you

- it’s hilarious to me that the “dabi is a todoroki” theory is present in almost every single damn fic where that character makes an appearance. personally i have no stake in the theory (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, wouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t) but i feel like it’s never gonna die even after his identity is truly revealed

- apparently shinso/kami is a decently popular ship and i.....have no idea if those two have ever interacted at all?? did they talk to each other in the show or in the manga or some side story and i missed it? are they popular JUST because they parallel eraser//mic to some extent??? or is it purely a case of “those personalities would be fun together--SHIP TIME”?? idk i don’t get it but it’s funny

- back to School Briefs, there’s a neat Kendo-centric chapter during the school festival that ends up being an introspective on kendo’s relationship with her own gender and the idea of performing femininity for the beauty pageant and it kind of rules??

- there’s also an entire chapter from the pov of koda’s bunny during their first couple days in the dorms. apparently koda can’t understand animals, he can just control them by talking to them!

- in shinso’s chapter he overhears the dance squad talking about the sports festival and he hears mido talk about how useful and great shinso’s quirk will be for hero work and shinso’s like “!!! thank you???? finally???” and then resolves to get stronger and make it into the hero course before they meet again

- during the school festival when mido ran off to make eri’s candy apples, iida and todo were like “is he running into trouble again?? can he PLEASE tell us where he’s going? we would track his phone but he never brings it with him anyways!!! what are we supposed to do about him!!!!” and then they found out what he was doing and went “oh ;u;”

- School Briefs in general (minus grape trash sections) were exactly the kind of “slice of life but there are superpowers” fluffy nonsense i always crave, would recommend

- also hilarious: baby mido in fic (especially de-aging fic) is often either a) the Most Precious Sunshine Child in Existence, even villains can’t help but adore him, or b) the most obnoxious, borderline-creepy, whiny little brat in existence, No Wonder Baku Couldn’t Stand Him. i imagine the “reality” would fall somewhere in the middle and it’s always a little jarring when authors so solidly fall on one extreme or the other lmfao

- just bnha fanfic things: “is this an intentional use of All for One vs One for All or was it a typo/mistake on the author’s part??”

- that’s all i’ve got for now yall i love these characters

#some minor efforts have been taken to keep this from showing up in main tags #but not really #so if it does uh: these are just a bunch of barely coherent opinions thrown together inone long monster post #mine

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holmesoverture · 7 years

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Sink or Ship - Stateside Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller & Lucy Liu)

And now for something completely different.

**And kinda spoilery for the first three seasons, so reader beware.**

I waited a long while to try Elementary because it’s set in New York. I know, it’s silly, but taking Holmes out of England is like taking Batman out of Gotham City. Sure it might be fun to go hang out on the moon or Mount Everest or the Jersey Shore for a while, but a permanent relocation to any of those places is just weird.

And yes, Elementary is very much unlike any other version of Sherlock Holmes I’ve seen (he has tattoos??? I’m????), but it’s still Sherlock Holmes—still brusque, still obsessive, and still blindingly intelligent. It’s really amazing how flexible this character is.

Unfortunately, for all that Elementary has carved itself a unique place in Holmes history, it still falls prey to a number of tired and even offensive tropes that have plagued other versions. In particular, they depict Holmes in as aggressively heterosexual a manner as I’ve ever seen. To reinforce this narrative, Watson, despite being otherwise quite smart, is prone to believing Holmes was in love with every woman who has ever been important to him. The writers do know that a man can admire/care about/be grateful for a woman WITHOUT there being any romantic or sexual feelings between them, right? Having Watson constantly assume otherwise makes her look like an idiot when the entire point of the show is that she is not.

They even pull the same “Sherlock + Irene 5eva!!!1!1” stuff that virtually every other non-faithful adaptation has shoved at us. (Well, kinda, but they were in love and in a relationship is my point.) I like Irene, but the endless parade of acephobic clowns who portray her in the same myopic way are making it very difficult to keep doing so.

And yes, Elementary is acephobic. Within the first five minutes of the pilot, Holmes tells us that he thinks sex is gross. For one glorious half-hour, I thought they would give me as close to an asexual Holmes as I could expect in anything not written by me, Doyle himself and the occasional fanficcer. Then they make a screeching 180 turn and start down the road of “Ha, I knew you were lying about the asexuality thing! What else could you be but a tragically scarred heterosexual?!” Why is Watson always such an acephobic douchebag? I EXPECTED BETTER OF YOU, LUCY LIU.

But let’s focus on the positive things, of which there are many. How devoted Holmes and Watson are to each other, for instance. For Watson, Holmes starts out as nothing but another assignment, but by the middle of the first season, she’s giving up her financial stability because her new friend needs her, dangit.

For Holmes, Watson starts out as nothing but an unwelcome intrusion, but the more he lets her into his world, the more he comes to rely on her, both for professional assistance and emotional support, as one of the only friends he’s ever had. It even gets to the point where Holmes occasionally interferes with her life when he’s afraid she’ll leave. Obviously that’s not okay, as Watson makes sure he understands, but it does show how strongly he feels about her, even if it takes him a season or two to express those feelings in a healthy way. Their relationship develops slowly, which makes sense given Holmes’ reticent nature, and it’s all the more meaningful because of all the hardships and screw-ups they have to endure to truly connect.

But connect as what? Good question. Took me a while to figure out which reading was right for me, but I finally got it.

I would interpret this Holmes as demiromantic, i.e. he only experiences romantic attraction once an emotional bond has been formed. He’s undeniably a sexual being, but there’s no romantic attachment between him and his partners; it’s just sex. His whole life he’s had a grand total of, I dunno, three? meaningful emotional relationships with people, one of those being with Watson.

I also strongly suspect that Watson is demiromantic too, or maybe even aromantic. None of her romances work out (though that one time her bf ended up in witness protection had nothing to do with it), and Holmes himself observes in The Adventure of the Nutmeg Concoction that she should stop trying to force herself into the mold of conventional relationships because she’s not designed for it. Even when her relationships go well, she isn’t happy with them, and in The Female of the Species she admits defeat, saying that she is ready to fully throw herself into Holmes’ “world.” Textually, she’s talking about the detective work. Subtextually, she’s realizing that she was either mistaking her friendly/sexual feelings for romantic attraction or deliberately trying to convince herself she is capable of romantic attraction at all, and that she is now ready to accept herself as she is.

So if they’re both demiromantic, the potential may be there for a romantic relationship to form, but as of season four, I don’t see them that way. They are undeniably each other’s best friends and mean more to each other than any other person has or ever will, but there is no indication here that I can see that their feelings go beyond (queer)platonic. And honestly, I kinda like them that way. It works for them.

SINK OR SHIP?: I hereby christen this ship the SS Queer Biffles.

#sink or ship #elementary #please don't spoil season five for me i haven't seen it yet #also i don't even wear dresses but i want joan's entire wardrobe #the queue carbuncle

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theanonymousbooks · 7 years

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Hey! This might be an annoying question in which case feel free to ignore :) I'm new to the concept of queerplatonic relationships & I guess I'm just still not clear on the gap it's filling. I have a few "best friends,” male and female, whom I love dearly, cuddle with, and express my love to regularly. We go to dinner, have picnics, see movies, sleep over at each others’ places, etc. I'm not sexually attracted to them at all and have thus far used "best friend" to describe our relationship (1/2)

(2/2) because I see it as an umbrella term that implies essentially similar things to queerplatonic. I read your explanation and I definitely understand how frustrating it is to have an identity that you don’t relate to forced upon you. I’ve been trying to find more posts on the subject but I’m still kinda confused so I was wondering if you would mind explaining the distinction between the two a little more clearly.

Hello Nony! I hope you do not think I was ignoring you, and I certainly don’t think you are being annoying! I have just been busy with work and tired because of depression. But here I am to answer any and all questions to might have!!I will however preface this by saying that I do not consider myself the best at answering this question. While I have a done research for my personal needs, to pretend that what I talk about is a well developed and well researched opinion that is popular and taken as universal within the qp community would be kind of pompous and most definitely shitty of me. Even the explanation you are referring to, if I’m thinking of the correct one, was made in annoyance and anger and was a little immature of me. With all that said however, I am glad to share my opinion with anyone who asks in a spirit of interest and learning and encourage you to also look elsewhere for other opinions as well in order to learn even more and create your own educated opinions!! Of course you might already know all that and I am babbling on for completely different pompous and immature reasons but eh, what cha going do?I understand the confusion, even those within the aromatic community as been confused by the term. Even those it applies to and who use it can be and are confused by it! It took a long time for me, until even after I made that original description, to fully understand what it is. And even then, it’s more of what it means to me rather than a universal ‘This is what it always mean to everyone.’ It’s certainly doesn’t mean ‘Just a fancy word for best friend’ but that doesn’t mean that doing typically romantically coded things with your friends means that you are actually in a qp relationship with them. You can cuddle and kiss and love on your best friend, I certainly do! And they are still my best friend. They are not my qpp nor would I want to enter into that relationship with them, though I could label it that if I wanted. But I don’t want to- nor will I ever I suspect- not because my love for them is less or not as important, but simply because the attraction I feel for them is one of pure friendship and, in fact, my love would be less or tarnished if I tried to label it anything else. My friends are so important to me and the best way I can love them and the most love I can feel for them is by friendship, full stop.But that’s not the same for everyone. I feel attraction for people that is not sexual, romantic, or platonic. Unless you define platonic as ‘not sexual, familial, or romantic’ then sure it’s platonic, but I don’t want them to be my friend, I want to something different with them because I feel something different with them then friendship. It’s not more, or less, just different. And it took of lot of self searching and realizing to find that out about myself. It’s especially difficult in the society we live in, where the only types of attractions that are acknowledged, and barely at that sometimes, is platonic, sexual, romantic, and familial. In our society there is no other way to feel love or attraction. If they’re not your family and you don’t want to bang or romance them, then they’re your friend. If they’re not your family and what you feel for them is different than what you feel for your friend, then it must be romantic and sexual! But society, as it is many, many times and will continue to be for many more, is wrong. There are endless ways to feel love and attraction and they don’t always fall within those four categories, and that is where queer platonic relationships come in.

Certainly if I were ever to have partner I would want them to be my friend, require them to be my friend in fact, but that doesn’t mean what I feel for them would have to strictly be friendship. People with romantic partners also consider them their best friend all the time, why can’t I with mine? But that’s the point, I feel something else besides friendship with them and that attraction and love makes me want to label it something other than friendship, because it’s not strictly friendship, it’s something different. For me personally, with my own attraction, this means that I feel an emotional closeness that I desire to define in a relationship that is outside the bounds of romance, sexual attraction, and friendship. I feel a love that is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly friendship. Now I could try to tell you the difference between romantic, sexual, and platonic love, but that is essentially futile effort in my opinion and can not be defined universally. It is instead up to each individual person to find out for themselves personally; like you and I said, we cuddle with our best friends, that doesn’t make it romantic or sexual! The distinction between the three is ultimately up to what you feel romantically arousing, sexually arousing, and for lack of a better term, platonically arousing. And to be fair, the same action can entice different feelings with different people or even the same people at different time. Again, it really just depends on you and what you feel.The same is to be said for queer platonic relationships. If you feel that the attraction and arousal you feel is outside the norms that society as laid out, or in other words if you feel that it is not romantic, sexual, nor strictly platonic or strictly “friendship,” then you might find the term queer platonic relationship helpful to the type of relationships you form. All that being said, I also hold the believe that there is no reason why you can’t use it to describe a relationship that is strictly friendship. If you love your friend so much and in such a way that you feel “friend” and “best friend” no longer does justice in how to describe it, and you feel queer platonic might be a good label to use (or perhaps quasi platonic if you are uncomfortable calling it queer) then I say go for it. Queer platonic relationship can mean many different things and take on many different forms, and the one I described isn’t a “wrong” type. I believe others feel differently, but that is my opinion.I hope this has helped you, my nony. However unlearning societies “truths” is a long and difficult process, so don’t feel bad if you feel like no matter what you do, you are still confused on the subject. That is extremely common, and nothing to feel ashamed about. If you seek to no longer be confused, just keep learning. It’s will always bring you knowledge :) If you feel like something I have said personally is confusing, feel free to ask me to clarify, or try and explain further. I may be able to, I might not be able to, but I will certainly try my best. I will also later on tag some blogs onto this post that may be able to help as well, and that have personally helped me. I am tired again though, so I can’t bring myself to do it right now, sorry.In whatever way you feel safest and most comforting to define your relationship, I wish you happiness and love, no matter what that way is. May you have a life you love with relationships you cherish, my nony, no matter what form they take. :)

#queer platonic #qp #queerplatonic #aromantic #asexual #ask #long post

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acefaerie · 7 years

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I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups.

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time.

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested was enough for Tanya.

besides my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her.

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”.

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever”

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries. he treats me well and i love him, Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again.

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

#suicide mention #personal #abuse #homophobia #aphobia

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