#i don't give a fucking shit about anything anymore

[starfxkr]

Moony are we gonna have that phone call as a whole blurb with Jj's reactions? I think we would be very happy as a society if you did.

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔𓂃 ࣪

john b had only been gone for 12 hours before you called him, locking yourself in the bathroom so you could call. in your defense, it only took jj 4 of them to start acting like a complete dickhead--accusing you of wanting to run away to be with his best friend, keeping you trapped in the bed alternating between fucking you so rough your thighs ached and sleeping with his arms wrapped so tight around you, you couldn't blink without waking him up.

when jj got up to get something to drink you made a break for it, snatching his phone off the counter and running in the bathroom to be alone.

despite that, he could hear your conversation clearly.

please, is there any way you can come back? please john b he's so much nicer when you're here, it's like he's a different person i don't know what to do anymore.

there was a long pause, clearly you were listening to what he said in reply, but your only answer was a whimpered cry and that made jj's stomach drop.

jj knew you were right, he was the cause of your distress no matter how much he didn't want to be. but he couldn't help it, you lit up when john b was around, in ways you never did with him even on your best days. every night he came home from work expecting the two of you to have run off together. leaving him alone to pick up the pieces.

just like kie.

how do you know it's gonna get better? john b you don't get it, he doesn't love me...well how do you know?...well if he tells you that it's really fuckin different from how he acts with me it's like im just his chew toy sometimes.

he wanted to break the door down, he wanted to collapse to his knees and kiss your feet so you knew how much he needed you. he wanted to at least knock on the door and check on you.

but he didn't, he stood and listened to the rest of the conversation as you pleaded for john b's return, for him to understand that while jj may feel something for you it's not love, asking for advice on how to deal with his mercurial moods.

jj felt like shit, each minute that passed made him feel heavier. when the conversation ended there was a sniffle before you opened the door, not giving him enough time to move away and you stop in shock when you see him leaning against the doorway.

"he tell you anythin good?" fuck. that's not what he wanted to say, "when's he gonna come steal you away from me huh?" he tries to smile, to make it lighthearted, but the mirthless laugh couldn't fool you as that little voice in the back of his head yelled at him to shut up before it was too late.

"we didn't talk about anything." you looked nervous, eyes shifting for a place to escape as it dawned on you that jj's massive body covered the exit.

"that so."

"mhm." you stare at each other at an impasse and the intensity of his gaze makes you whimper, "i'm tired."

"yeah, me too." gently he cups your cheek, bending down to kiss the tip of your nose, "lets get some sleep."

[creativewritersposts]

not true - Luke Hughes (part two)

PART ONE; click here

summary; Luke Hughes x reader.

Luke reads your fanfiction and wants to prove to you he's not a bad cook.

warning(s); maybe grammar errors, angst, fluff

author's note; if you like it - let me know ♡ happy weekend!

--------------------------------------------------------------

You got three hours to clean the house, clean every room and get yourself new clothes on. You wanted to change your clothes. You forgot the time because you had to clean literally everything.

Nothing happens the way you wanted. Your hair is sticking up, you're not shaved and your kitchen still looks like a bomb explosion. You're not a messy but the last work shifts were so exhausting and you just wanted to sleep.

Nobody could know Luke Hughes wants to visit you.

And your worst nightmare comes true - the door bell rings after three hours.

Luke Warren Hughes is standing on your door and you're barfeet with a mickey mouse shirt on. The door bell rings again, you feel how you want to sink into ground but here you are, opening the door.

A tall, skinny man looks on your shirt. "Ehm..eh..hi?",he nervously jiggles with his right feet. He's wearing a dark jeans and a lumberjack shirt. It suits him. It suits him well.

"Don't say anything", you warn him. Your cheeks getting heated, embarrassed about yourself.

This man is your celebrity crush for 8 months nonstop and you're standing in this shape in front of him.

"I'm sorry for being late..I had to fill my car with gas because I forgot to do it beforehand and i needed to go grocery shopping", he holds a plastic bag in the air with something greenish in it. Ew, it looks damn healthy. You thought he brings some chicken nuggets from McDonald's or something like that.

You wink him in the house, no clue what you're doing with this man now. In your fanfictions you would grab his arms and kiss him until you both can't breathe anymore but this situation is awkward.

"Do you want something to drink?", you ask politely, "water, please", he thankfully smiles and steps into your house.

How can his smile look so cute? How is he real?

How the fuck is he so tall?

You give him some water and sit down in the kitchen. His cheeks are burning too and he's quiet. This man wrote you, a fangirl, drove over three hours and now he's speaking about nothing.

"What are you cooking today?", you start the conversation. "Oh I'm cooking one of moms receipts", he talks with a voice crack. "You'll like it!", his eyes sparkle enjoyment. "It looks really healthy ", you touch the broccoli like it's poison, your face expression says enough.

Luke stands up and swiping on his phone after the receipt, "it is but I bought us ice cream after this", his calm voice fills the room.

"Wait, you're staying after dinner?!", you're shocked. Shit, you wanted to call your parents.

"Oh, I can leave after this. Don't worry", he bites on his lips, he looks insecure like I hit him in the face. "no no-", you want to save your situation. So bad.

"It's okay", he shows you thumbs up and turns around, preparing the broccoli and cheese. And green things, you never saw before.

"What do you want here?", your voice sounds powerful. Inside you're afraid to hear the real reasons.

"You're a talented writer", he answers. "And?", you re-ask him. "is it a bad thing to visit a fan? Some would pay money to see me", he shrugs his tall shoulders. He's cooking besides talking, avoiding your eye contact.

"it's weird", you stop the silence between you two. "I know", he looks in your eyes.

"Ok you have ten minutes to ask me every question you want to know about me", he starts with a new topic.

"Do you have a girlfriend?", the words fall out of your mouth. "Nah", he stirs in the pan. The green something. Whatever this is.

"Why not?", you are interested, "it's not easy to find out which girl truly loves you when your older brothers are good looking and famous and you're the baby". Your face looks completely out of mind. It makes sense. "Do you like roleplay?", you're asking without thinking.

"What?", he turns around. Poor pookie.

"Sorry, forget that one", you smile.

"Do you read fanfictions?", "yes". It surprises you. "Why?", "why not?".

The food is ready and Luke put the pan with the food on the table, ready to eat. To be fair, it smells good.

You take your first bite, and it's an taste explosion. "Thank god for Ellen", you groan in heaven for this green food.

"Maybe you'll meet her one day", his ears turns tomato red. "I love your fanfictions, I really do", he smirks. "thank you?", it sounds more like a question than as a sentence. "but you're right, you're not the worst cook".

"It sounds weird but I think you could be a really good friend", he explains, ignoring your last sentence. His plate is empty. How can he inhale so much food in seconds?

"a good friend?", you're ready to go, crying in the bathroom. It's more than you ever imagined in your life.

"Yeah I mean friends, dating, you know..all the same", his voice cracks begin to get more.

"Dating?!", you stand up in your shirt, ready to pass out. Omg if you pass out, Luke has to do CPR. Jackpot.

Your phone is vibrating and playing the song 'boombastic'.

"Luke i need to-", you get hectically. "Hi mom! Hi dad!", you fake a smile, turning yourself around to hide Luke in your kitchen with the dinner.

"our baby girl! How are you doing?", mom replies lovely. Luke loudly breathes in, because he choked on his own food.

"Who is the guy in your house?!"

[gayrogues]

there is no fucking way that tom king's shitty oneshot, featuring the most out-of-character riddler known to man and a batman who breaks his no kill rule and waterboards people, got nominated for an eisner award...

[novadreii]

Me writing a scathing, data-supported email to the president of the company I work for demanding that everyone in my office gets double the raise they were offered to keep up with the absurd CPI increases the last 2 years PLUS asking for a bonus:

[rotisseries]

have very mixed feelings about will with powers like sometimes it's !!!!!! and sometimes it's. hmm. nah

[muskpunk]

when eating doesn't make brain stop being Bad: uh oh

[sysig]

Okay honestly I might have to take a break from posting with the lack of legacy editor, the new system is fucked in so many ways

[salsflore]

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

I have a migraine 🤪

[crazysodomite]

i think 'reaching out' really doesn't matter to me... i don't really talk to anyone if i don't have a specific topic to discuss (which i think isn't good? but it's how i operate). i think what matters to me is what a person does when i do reach out and ask for support or something.

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

wish I had a comprehensive list of all well-known people who fucking had something to do with last year's global hate campaign against an abuse survivor (which if I didn't have C-PTSD before that, I sure fucking do now) whatever they said or did because two of my worst trauma/mental illness/neurodivergence symptoms is paranoia, hypersensitivity and impulsiveness and I can't fucking enjoy doing my favourite things right now. even people who didn't and spoke out because lord knows I have lost so much and been hurt so much that I just need hope in the fucking human race again and that the people I find fun to watch and talk about aren't actually assholes. especially since even who appeared to be rational fell for this.

I'm so goddamn traumatised I just want to know without looking it up. I don't need that torture. It's so fucking difficult to feel hopeful about anything or anyone right now.

[tiredassmage]

IT’S DONE. IT’S DONE DAMN IT. [DISTRESSED KAZOO] Shaking, crying, swearing about my feelings, etc, etc.

you are my ddaaadd, you’re my dad!! boogie woogie woogie woogie!!! don’t look at me i’m trying to cope

I’m sorry it’s 2am I’m SO emotionally compromised I love him I love this man why agent hurt so good (beloved, don’t change), anyway, appreciation post for the two (2) whole authority figures in his entire life Tyr ever marginally respected and extra props to them for pulling off ‘major respect’ status (okay, the bar was LOW maybe but. still. its not just bc of that that they cleared by such a margin) and also I’m taking massive persistent damage don’t TALK to me about IA/Watcher Two I’m FINE i’m tOTALLY FIne and. there’s something in my eyes. It’s fine it’s fine everything is fine.

also i didn’t catch it because i was too busy LAUGHING but i brought kaliyo this time and heR COMMENT AFTER HE TALKS TO ARDUN Klnfla;dsnflkasdnflk;sadnfl “if you two are done making out” kALIYO PLEASE I love these dumb bitches so much your honor, the IA crew is just a collective train wreck they’re all doing the action slide gun pose together that’s the collective team brain cell somewhere between james bond theme and pink panther

[inhales] anyway if you haven’t played imperial agent and you’re following me i am propaganda’ing you into experiencing my absolutely unbiasedly favorite swtor class [i’m biased. but it’s also really good.]

send tweet and all that jazz

[fratboykate]

its been a month 😫 i miss our frat boy and her science wife come back papi youre the person who fed us the yummiest bishova content and you did it like every day please come back ill even apologize for the assholes who did whatever it is they did

Thank the people who tried to be fucking edgelords for no more CFAU, KYAU, KYFBAU or KYPAU content. I'm still FUCKING PISSED and I don't know that I'll ever stop being angry about all of this. Those are all gone until I stop being mad. *IF* I ever stop being mad. You guys talked yourselves out of everything. All you had to do was not be insanely disrespectful to me/the people I care about AND not make me look psychotic even after I fucking told you to stay out of it. Like...I very clearly asked you to butt out of my business because you had already caused enough damage and some of you fucking doubled down and made me look fucking crazy. I'm not rewarding that shit with all the free labor those stories took on almost a daily basis. You don't deserve any more of my time and effort.

[elytrafemme]

what do i have to do for it to matter. people get medication and people get treatments and people get sympathy and people get explanations and people get diagnoses and people get to check all the boxes. it feels like my brain is physically forcing itself not to be too close to an explanation because at the last moment all symptoms will suddenly go away (i’m going to fucking kill Dahlia actually, because I think she’s the reason this keeps happening to me and even if she isn’t I’m just going to keep going until i find the bastard who is responsible). i go to therapy for five fucking years and nothing ever changes. it took whoever i was before this to fucking die before i could be split into this system and that was the most change we ever went through positively was someone fucking disappearing. 

oh mare you could have bipolar ... if your hypomanic periods were more rhythmic :/ or if the manias were worse lol :/ you could have psychosis but its not that bad :/ schizophrenia but you’re too “functional” you talk too “articulately” you’re never getting “anywhere” :/ you could have BPD but your life would be sooooo much more miserable mare and aren’t you happy :/ you could have CPTSD but you can’t even remember what happened to you can you? :/ 

I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I’ve done EVERYTHING right I have been so much BETTER about recovery than anybody I have met in my entire fucking life and I get nothing for it. I go to every therapy session I do all the positive self talk I try not to be toxic to people I try EVERYTHING more than ANYBODY. and all I get? Nothing. I never get ANYTHING. 

[here-there-were-dragons]

i fucking hate gjinkas

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

I mean I'm not goin back to him I'm not(!!!) but at this point I got no idea why

Literally just screaming into the fucking void

He already broke me to the point where all the shit he's said are my only core beliefs n even if I try to shut down the voice in my head repeatin it all I still believe every damn word

So no matter how long I cut him off for it's always there just the same. But no one else can always be there to make it go away. W/ him I at least go from a total waste of oxygen to the one thing I'll ever be any good for. It's an upgrade I can almost live with.

So what's the point? What do I or anyone gain from me stayin away?

I've been tryin so fucking hard n it's just not getting any easier. I don't know where to put all this fucking self loathing, I can't keep pouring it onto other people. I always need to keep so damn much inside n some of it still spills out n that's already bordering on too much. I don't wanna be a burden. I know everyone is, to some extent, but not like this. Not all the time. Plus they have something to give in return, I only have things no one else wants, just Val's happy to take em if offered.

I still feel the pull all the fucking time. It's like the chain he used to have around my neck but I know he's not doin the pulling, he doesn't care if he has me or not anymore. It's all me now. I'm the one who keeps wanting to go back. The rational part of me is screaming no cause I know he'll just hurt me n find new ways to cut even deeper but. What's left that he hasn't already done?

Maybe this time he'll make the feelings n the noise go away. Maybe this time he'll make it all quiet.