#i don't have anything to offer anymore i'm so so sorry i wish i did i wish i was still happy and healing

[maxphilippa]

uh. vent art. or something. losing yourself and losing everyone who you cared about as a result

[obaex]

four - hockey player!ex!rafe cameron (pt. 1)

summary: rafe knows he's screwed up, but when he offers you a way to make amends, you can't resist. the catch? he'll have to do the impossible.

word count: 1.8k

a/n: rafe is slightly toxic in this ngl! i am in love with this. hockey romance is very near and dear to me (this is v loosely based on a real life experience). *mwah*

You saw your phone light up out of the corner of your eye and lowered your mascara wand as you leaned over to glance at the screen and let out a shaky sigh.

A part of you knew the right thing to do by now was to block his number. You hadn't responded to a single message he'd sent for over two weeks. And the messages had been relentless.

I'm thinking about you in the afternoons.

Hi beautiful in the mornings.

I'm sorry.

You're still my girl.

And on and on, escalating to paragraphs at night, as he typed out things he'd never once said out loud to you before; about how he felt the first time he met you, the things his teammates said, about how Wheezie was asking about you and Sarah spent an hour on the phone lecturing him, about how he'd do anything to get you back.

Reading his messages was like drinking a honied poison that went down sweet, warming every inch of you, only to make you sick in the end. But you couldn't stop. You couldn't block him. And even though you'd made him think you were ignoring him, you craved every message, every word he said something you had ached to hear when he had the chance.

Now it was two hours before the biggest game of the season, arguably one of the biggest of his career. He should be focusing on his pregame routine, on his way to the rink, if he wasn't there already and instead here he was texting you. You were the one on his mind and you drank that poison down, allowing yourself to feel special, even if the text had made no sense to you.

How many?

How many what?

His last message before that was from a couple of hours ago, before his pregame nap, the one you often took together as he had reminded you, in excruciating detail.

Your fingers twitched with the urge to reply. You knew he was baiting you into responding, but you swallowed down the urge and took a deep breath to still your beating heart and went back to applying your makeup, dragging up the same memory you did every time you were tempted by him.

It was just after 2AM, and you were sitting in your car that you had driven to his apartment, unable to sleep, desperate to talk to him. He lounged in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead at the windshield, tracking the rain that was falling steadily.

"Can you please talk to me?" you whispered, trying so hard not to come across as needy or desperate.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, shrugging, avoiding your eye contact.

"I don't know, just tell me what's going on with you? You barely talk to me anymore, you won't even look at me. Did I do something?"

He shrugged again and you felt physically sick. Maybe it was because you couldn't remember the last thing you'd eaten, the last time you'd slept more than a few fitful hours, all consumed with the feeling that your five-year relationship was running off the rails. Rumors were flying that there was another girl... or girls... And when you had asked him about it, he brushed it off, not strongly enough to give you even an ounce of comfort. You were falling apart. And he was letting it happen. He was forcing you to end this, too cowardly to do it himself.

"Do you even want to be with me anymore?" you whispered, barely audible over the pounding rain, like maybe if he didn't hear you, he couldn't answer.

He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed loudly, frustrated, like you were just so annoying to him, and you wished you could suck your words back into your mouth.

"I have practice in like four hours, I can't be doing this with you right now" he said, aptly avoiding the conversation again.

Your chin was wobbling and you bit back everything you wanted to say, not wanting to be needy, or nagging, hoping if you were on your very best behavior he would have a change of heart, change his mind.

You pursed your lips and nodded, averting your gaze to look out at the rain and gathering the strength you needed to say the words that felt like nails in your mouth.

"I can't do this anymore" you whimpered, as tears fell that matched the droplets on your windshield. "I can't keep giving 100% and getting nothing in return. I'm sitting here spilling my heart out to you and you won't even look at me. After everything we've been through... You won't even deny that you hooked up with her."

Silence.

You could see him grimace, the tic in his jaw as he pushed his tongue into his cheek. You wanted to grab the front of his sweatshirt, shake him and scream 'SAY SOMETHING!'. But you didn't. And his silence persisted a moment longer.

"So that's it then?" he said finally, like you had any other choice.

You wiped futilely at the tears that were now pouring down your face, even as you tried to hold them back, sniffling with a shaky breath to avoid outright sobbing in front of him.

He opened the car door, got out, slamming it forcefully behind him without so much as a glance your way and you broke down. You didn't make it one block before you had to pull over. You couldn't see, you couldn't breath, and you couldn't hold your hands steady on the wheel you were shaking so badly. You threw your car in park, lay your head on the steering wheel and cried.

Two days passed before the first text came in.

"I'm sorry" is all it said.

You could see the bubbles at the bottom of the screen, indicating that he was still typing before more messages appeared.

At this point you were grasping your phone with both hands, like a lifeline, eyes glued to the screen, heart hammering so hard in your chest you felt nauseous and your hands were shaking. There was a chance, a glimmer, a hope and you were clinging to it.

Your fingers hovered over your phone, ready to forgive him, to forget, to run right back to the way things had been, to have him looking for you at the end of every game, for stolen kisses in the parking lot at the arena, to whispered I love yous as you fell asleep in his arms. And then more messages came flooding in.

More messages were coming now but you couldn't read any further. Your heart was battering around your ribcage like a pinball machine with the whiplash of information: your boyfriend of five years had been actively texting another girl... because she was easygoing, and fun to talk to and didn't stress him out… like you did.

Your tears were back like no time had passed from the night you broke up, heavy sobs coming from your mouth at how stupid you felt, at all the rumors being true. And did you really believe that nothing more had happened between them? He was Rafe fucking Cameron of the Carolina Eagles.

Your eyes skimmed over the second half of his message, about how you were it for him, about how much he loved you, how he wanted to marry you and for you to have his babies?? The ache of wanting that so desperately to be true and knowing it couldn't be was too much for you as you turned and cried into your pillow.

You recalled all of those messages now as a new one came in. You shoved your finger into the bruise on your heart, forcing yourself to feel that pain again, to imagine him laying in bed, in the bed you had slept in with him, while he texted another girl, maybe even texted both of you at the same time, and you refocused on your makeup.

You had faithfully followed the Eagles for five years, his teammates were some of your best friends, like brothers to you. Despite everything that had happened with Rafe, you weren't going to miss their game tonight. Rafe's best friend and linemate Nick had texted you earlier in the week to let you know he had a ticket for you.

Fine. It was hard to say no to that. Everyone you knew would be there anyway and you didn't need Rafe thinking he had power over you if you weren't there. So, you were going. And you decided if you were going to go you were going to look stunning, and as you put the finishing touches on your makeup, there was no doubt in your mind that you were.

You had spent more time on your hair and makeup than potentially every other game that season combined. You may have gotten a little comfy towards the end, wearing Rafe's team-issued sweatshirt with his name and number on it and a pair of leggings. He claimed that he loved you in that, but that wouldn't cut it tonight. You wore skintight jeans that accentuated every perfect curve of your body, heeled booties and a tight-fitting long sleeve shirt. Your hair was immaculate and your makeup was admittedly a little extra for an AHL game, but effortless nonetheless as it amplified your natural beauty. The pain in your heart had been ebbing its way into anger: you were going to make him regret every single thing he'd done, the thought nagging at you as your phone lit up again.

You huffed. You had been strong for weeks, and now he was throwing that at you?

Your perfectly manicured fingers hovered over your phone as you nibbled your glossed bottom lip, and finally relented.

What the hell? you thought, confused.

Feeling pretty good about your level of engagement, you sent another question mark before his response came in.

You scoffed before laughing out loud. He was truly unbelievable. You weren't on some sort of barter system here. This wasn't a deal you had ever discussed nor agreed to. This isn't how the world worked, this isn't how relationships worked. It was stupid. So so stupid. And Rafe wasn't the team's lead goal scorer anyway. Sure he was good for a flashy goal every few games, maybe two, but this was the semi-finals of the league championship, everything was on the line here, it was not the time to be playing games...

...But damn if you didn't love the semblance of power he'd given you over the situation, and you desperately wanted to fuck with him.

Four goals in one game. Essentially impossible. A joke. Sidney Crosby, arguably the best player in the NHL at the moment hadn't even achieved that. But not a second passed before his reply came through, simple, straightforward, no arguing or complaining:

"Done"

And then:

"I love you!"

"I'll be looking for you 😍"

You rolled your eyes, throwing your phone down on your bed, annoyed at yourself for even answering him.

And yet you couldn't fight the smallest bit of excitement you felt.

It was impossible. It was never going to happen, but Rafe Cameron was going to try to win you back.

(part two)

taglist: @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @moremaybank, @one-sweet-gubler, @m-indkiller, @ihe4rttwd, @diary-of-jj, @crlsummer, @jjsbank444

[neptuneiris]

detachment (02/03)

did Aemond Targaryen truly loved you?

pairing: prince!aemond × niece!reader

summary: aemond not only breaks your heart after so many love promises, he also breaks his betrothal to you without any justification and announces his betrothal to a baratheon girl. now you will be married soon too.

word count: 7.9k

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hello beautiful people, finally here is the chapter you have been waiting for so long, im so happy, I hope you like it a lot❤ thank you very much for reading🥺

comments and reblogs are always appreciated, thank u, you are all awesome❣

—TWO MOONS AGO.

"I'm so sorry, my sweet girl."

"No, it's all right, mother. Do not worry."

"I know this is not what you wished for but—

"It is my wish."

You interrupt your mother with a small smile that she instantly knows is neither genuine nor convincing, to which she watches you for a few moments without saying anything, watching you intently.

She takes your hand and places the other on your right cheek to come closer and leave a sweet kiss on your left cheek that you allow to feel that love that only she transmits and comforts you.

She then pulls away from you a little without letting go and watches you with a small smile on her lips and a slight gleam in her beautiful lilac eyes.

"You know you have my full support, my love. And don't even think that I will leave you alone in all this," she assures you, "But I know you and you must not lie to me, Y/N."

You know that at this moment your gaze gives you away, as well as all the true feelings you are conveying but you still want to show your mother that you are willing to do your duty.

And it really is your relief that it is this person you are going to marry when it could have been worse.

"Mother, you must not worry about me."

"But of course I do," she tells you instantly, "You're my daughter and I love you."

"I love you too. But this marriage to Cregan Stark couldn't be better not only for me, but for the whole family," you remind her, "He is a respectful and honorable man. I know there will be much respect between us and eventually affection will be born. And we will have all the support of the North when the time comes for you to become queen."

She smiles softly again with that warmth and affection, gently stroking your cheek with her thumb, looking directly into your eyes with all that sincerity and love.

"But he's not the one you wish to marry, is he?"

So all those pent up feelings, they want to come out at that moment. And even more so because of the way she is talking to you and understands you completely.

"Even with all that your marriage to Cregan Stark offers…. it's not him."

You swallow hard and press your lips together, starting to feel the tears want to come out of your eyes, as well as all that feeling for everything that happened and thinking about everything that could have been.

You remember how a while ago everything was fine, how everything seemed fine, how you thought you knew certain things and knew certain people.

However, he broke your heart.

Worst of all, you never knew why. You really wanted to know what had happened, what had changed his mind and if you had done something wrong, but… nothing.

He left you totally in the dark with his reasons. He preferred you to suffer and forget everything as if nothing had happened from one day to the next to accept his sudden betrothal to Floris Baratheon.

And you truly wanted to understand at the time, feeling completely broken and shattered… but he never gave you an answer.

"It doesn't matter anymore, mother. He is betrothed and now so am I. I do not doubt that after my wedding with lord Stark, his with lady Baratheon will happen soon after. He made his decision moons ago and now so have I."

"Very well," she nods at you, "You learned quickly, my sweet girl. Just as I had to when I accepted my fate."

You smile.

"You mean my father?"

"Our story was in short times, always with a lot of duty involved and inconveniences. Until we could finally be together after that horrible night," she tells you softly, "But when you truly love a person, you can't help it and you just want to join your blood with them, no matter what."

You nod, lowering your gaze, understanding.

But really understanding.

You know that feeling and you know exactly who you used to feel that way with. You were even close to being able to bond forever. But now… you're about to do your duty without that person.

"Then, my sweet girl…" your mother says to you, getting your attention again, "I'll just make sure to arrive at King's Landing a day before the wedding, as you asked. Everything will be ready by the time we get there."

You smile softly in her direction, feeling very relieved at that and nod.

"Thank you, mother."

"Anything for you, my love."

After spending part of your afternoon with your mother, you head to another of the great rooms of the Dragonstone castle, where your brothers are practicing High Valyrian and your younger brothers are being cared for by the maids.

You immediately join in caring for your brothers, listening to Jace and Luke's Valyrian, correcting them on some pronunciations and helping them to formulate words correctly.

Then Rhaena enters the room as well to look after and keep little Joffrey company, letting you know that Baela has flown to Driftmark.

Normally as the night draws in, your mother and father also spend time in this Room, all together as a family, a time when Rhaenyra wishes she could freeze and stay all together like this forever.

And that's exactly what she thinks when she enters the Room and sees all her children, or almost all of them, together attending to different duties, with a little smile and loving look on her face.

Daemon is writing something on the large table, to which she turns to him, stroking her barely noticeable two-moon belly, with a new member to the family coming into the world soon, the prince or princess.

"What are you writing, my love?"

Daemon raises his gaze to her, with the seal of House Targaryen about to embed it in the letter.

"The word to Kings Landing with the news of Y/N's marriage to Lord Stark."

"Ah yes, I forgot to do that."

"And that's why I do it for you, ābrazȳrys."

Rhaenyra leaves a soft and loving kiss on her husband's head to continue on her way to her eldest sons, listening attentively to the High Valyrian, just like Y/N, ready to correct them.

Not long after, considering that the distance between Dragonstone and Kings Landing is not too much, the raven arrives at the Red Keep with the new and unexpected news, with Queen Alicent and her father Otto Hightower reading the message.

The Heir, Princess Rhaenyra returns to King's Landing in less than two moons with her prince consort Prince Daemon and her entire family to celebrate the wedding of Princess Y/N Velaryon to Lord Cregan Stark, Lord of Winterfell.

"This is vile and disgusting news."

"Father—

"With Lord Cregan Stark?" inquires Otto, "Do you know what this means, Alicent?"

"It can't be that bad, still Daeron's wedding to Lady Lannister adds soldiers and ships to us for Aegon's claim. So does Aemond's wedding to lady Baratheon."

"Rhaenyra will have the whole North on her side by the time the time comes and you know it. The whole fucking North fighting for her and her bastard daughter!" Otto exclaims in annoyance, "We can't let that wedding happen."

"Rhaenyra must already be getting everything ready at Dragonstone. And to try to stop her the wedding, she could easily marry Y/N to Lord Stark somewhere else," says the queen, "It will be useless."

"Call the Maester. Call the entire Council, immediately," Otto quickly orders one of his guards, annoyed and desperate.

The guard immediately complies with the Hand's order, so that very soon all the members enter and take their respective seats in the Council Chamber.

But not long after, Aegon and Aemond Targaryen also decide to burst into the room, Aemond mostly noticing that something is wrong and Aegon simply following, his grandsire surprised to see him in his five senses.

"What's the matter?" asks Aemond serious, approaching his mother.

But before his own mother can answer him, his grandsire does, only without answering him.

"Your wedding to Lady Baratheon will happen by the end of this month."

Aemond immediately observes his grandsire without any expression, hiding his surprise well, drawing the attention of everyone else in the room.

"We will send word to Storm's End's, Lady Floris should already be here by in less than five days and prepare everything immediately," Otto continues, "Not too soon after, we will send a raven to Oldtown and Prince Daeron's wedding to Lady Cerelle will also happen."

"May I ask, my Lord Hand, why so hurriedly?" asks lord Lannister.

"Yes, why?" inquires Aemond of his grandsire as well, with a tone of voice and a menacingly serious look.

But Otto Hightower deliberately ignores his grandson.

"Are you not pleased with the news, Lord Jason?" he inquires condecently, "After all, it is your daughter who is to marry a prince of the realm, my grandson."

"Not that I am complaining, my Lord, in fact I have been waiting to hear this news ever since we agreed to join our houses. But I was also hoping, just like my daughter, that the wedding would be relevant and not too attached to another wedding also of another prince of the realm. It certainly would not draw the attention of our people."

"This is not about getting people's attention, nor how attractive the union is, Lord Jason," Otto tells him seriously and clearly annoyed, "You should feel grateful that the union is going to happen, because I remind you that this is about Prince Aegon's claim to the Throne, or have you already forgotten?"

"I asked you a question and I'm not going to repeat myself," Aemond speaks again in his grandsire's direction, serious.

This immediately gets everyone's attention, but in the end it is Queen Alicent who responds in a soft, cautious voice.

"Y/N is going to be married."

This immediately gets Aemond's attention and also Aegon behind him, who was disinterested and even annoyed to hear his grandsire's words about his claim to the Iron Throne.

But this definitely gets his attention, he even watches his brother cautiously, waiting for his reaction, just like his mother.

However, Aemond keeps his usual neutral and at the same time serious face, hiding his true emotions very well, starting to feel how those true emotions run through his whole body and want to explode.

Otto watches him attentively, annoyed and serious, instantly knowing very well what he must be feeling. And that is what he, Otto Hightower, does not want.

"Yes, Aemond, with Cregan Stark, the Lord of Winterfell," he tells him seriously, "You too have already forgotten why you are marrying Lady Baratheon precisely?"

Aemond clenches his jaw, immediately this getting his attention and watching his grandsire with a deadly and threatening look, all this together with his posture showing that he is losing his patience.

And that everyone notices.

"Aemond," Alicent calls out to him, rising from his seat.

"When?"

Aemond's voice interrupts him, in the direction of his grandsire, his whole posture tense and his hands made into fists, his jaw clenched and his gaze like that of a dragon about to burn everything to the ground.

"I told you, by the end of this month your wedding—

"No, when will Y/N's wedding to Cregan Stark be."

He interrupts her in a firm, menacingly serious voice.

"It doesn't matter when it will be," Otto tells him in annoyance, raising his voice higher, drawing everyone's attention, demanding, "What matters right now is that these two weddings happen before the wedding of Rhaenyra's daughter to Lord Stark so as to invite all the great houses, even Cregan Stark and form alliances before Rhaenyra and Prince Daemon."

"In two moons, approximately."

Alicent replies to Aemond, noting how his anger grows more and more as his grandsire speaks, not giving him an answer.

"That's what they said on the raven they sent this afternoon from Dragonstone."

Aemond lowers his gaze, beginning to think about it, about how the wedding will take place here, at King's Landing, where he will have to be present and witness it all…to Y/N, his Y/N, getting married to Lord Cregan Stark.

Lord Cregan fucking Stark.

"I doubt we can do anything about it, my Lord," Jasper Wylde speaks, "The wedding is already a done deal, we will not succeed in convincing Lord Stark to change his allegiance."

"And this is a great advantage for Princess Rhaenyra and her claim," says Jason Lannister, " Her daughter, Princess Y/N and Lord Stark together is an excellent and convenient match."

At the words of some of the council members, Aemond can't help but feel downright sick, thinking of Y/N and Lord Stark.

As you should.

His own mind tells him, feeling the fire and anger coursing through his veins, unable to control himself, thinking about what is really going on here.

"We will do whatever it takes to still have as much support as possible. King Viserys will not last long and by now we would have to secure all possible alliances for when the time comes. If war falls upon us and if we pull this off… fighting Rhaenyra and her alliances won't be so hard."

"She will have the entire North fighting for her, my Lord."

One of the members tells him cautiously, thinking about the number of soldiers Princess Rhaenyra will have at her disposal, also all the people supporting her claim, that adding up to the whole Valley.

"That's why we need to be more clever," Otto Hightower insists, "My grandchildren's weddings will be paramount in this. We need to send a raven to Oldtown, now," he turns to the Maester, "I need Daeron here at King's Landing and your daughter as well, Lord Jason. After Aemond's wedding, he—

"No."

Aemond Targaryen completely interrupts his grandsire in front of the Queen and the entire Council, drawing everyone's attention, surprised by his boldness and deadly behavior in the direction of his grandsire, who also gives him a threatening look.

"You had plenty of time to plan my wedding with Lord Borros' daughter. It's not my fault that until now you are acting when your job as the Hand is to act since you knew the threats," he tells her seriously and completely firm with his words, "If you want a wedding, plan Daeron's, not mine. I will not be a part of your incompetence when I have already given you too much."

"You are forgetting your place, Aemond," Otto warns him in a careful tone and one in which he fully tells him that he does not want to contradict him now.

But Aemond has had enough.

"You are forgetting your place," he replies in kind.

"Aemond, that's enough," his mother calls to him instantly, letting out a long breath, "You don't want to get married now, that's fine. But don't forget that eventually you will have to," she reminds him earnestly, "After all, Lady Baratheon is still your betrothed and she along with Lord Borros expect the wedding to take place soon."

Again Aemond feels sick to his stomach as he listens to his mother's words, thinking of his betrothed, Lady Floris Baratheon. The very thought of marrying her makes him feel unhappy.

But it is the truth… she is still his betrothed and whether he wishes it or not, he will eventually have to marry her, because his family swore an oath with hers, not him, but his family.

And he has to live up to the weight of that oath.

"We should continue to discuss the marriage of Princess Y/N to Lord Stark, my Queen," says the Maester.

"There is nothing more to discuss, the chances are slim with Lord Stark and we will have to focus on bringing the marriage of my son and Lady Cerelle to the attention of the great houses."

Queen Alicent begins to lead the entire Council, as Otto Hightower continues to watch Aemond with daggers in his eyes, serious, furious and incredulous at his behavior.

He thought he already had everything under control, but Otto forgot that he is not a dragon and the blood of the dragon in anyone who possesses it, especially in Aemond, is chaotic and reckless.

"Congratulations, brother."

Aegon catches Aemond's eye, watching him over his shoulder as he gives him a friendly clap on the back, almost whispering his words.

"You said you hoped our sweet niece would soon outgrow you? Well, now she's marrying the lord of all Winterfell," he says with a small smile, "She's definitely outgrown you."

And with nothing more to say, Aegon leaves the Council Chamber, not interested in the matters of the realm, much less to plan a fucking wedding and have his grandsire take it upon himself to form alliances for his claim to the Throne, as if he cares about such a thing.

As Aemond stands still for a few seconds, watching him go, his words repeating over and over in his mind, anger again coursing through his body, fire, hatred.

He wishes he could prove his brother right, but the truth is that he is very wrong.

Unable to stand it any longer, he quickly heads out of the room as well, not wanting nor caring at all to discuss these matters, this room really displeasing him by bringing back bad memories.

And as soon as he faces the corridors of the Keep, again Aemond remains static for a few moments and his mind again thinking about things he really doesn't want to think about.

But he can't help it.

Like that time he also rushed out of this room, leaving the woman he loves behind, tearing her apart in the worst possible way and pretending not to care.

Even as one of the fiercest and most brutal knights of his time, Prince Aemond doesn't know where he found the courage and strength to break Y/N's heart… his Y/N.

He has always characterized himself as an honorable and respectful man, especially to Y/N, but what he did to her… was out of his nature and highly unpleasant.

And once he was in the safety of his chamber, the first thing he did was sit in one of his chairs near his fireplace, wanting to feel the fire, with the realization slowly starting to become clearer to him, realizing what he had done.

Aemond remembers the last time he cried, it was when he was a little boy in one of his episodes over his lost eye.

A terrible migraine kept him awake for a whole day, he couldn't even get out of bed and couldn't bear to see the light of day. His mother held him tight and was there for him all the time, not even leaving him alone for a second.

Alicent tried and ordered everything to make him feel better, but the Maesters couldn't do much and all he could do, all he learned to do since he was a little boy, was to have to endure the pain.

And since then, the first tear falls down his right cheek.

Aemond, upset, angry and disgusted with himself, cries. And he actually allows himself to cry as he remembers his Y/N's precious face completely shattered and red from her crying, her whole look confused and in need of explanations.

And he couldn't even give her that, an explanation.

And the worst part was that they already had it all. It was all said and done, they were going to be husband and wife finally, as they had asked for so much.

But he finally snatched away her illusion and simply left her without explanations. And that's what makes him lose control completely.

Furious, feeling like a coward, an idiot and annoyed with himself, he lets out a growl and starts breaking everything in his room, with despair and anger in his body.

He screams and blames himself for that weight on his shoulders, a weight that does not belong to him, a weight that he had nothing to do with from the beginning and a weight that he had to let go of the woman he loves when he almost had her because of his family's ambition.

That night the servants had to silently clean the room of Prince Aemond, who, unable to bear it any longer, went for a ride in Vhagar, wanting to forget everything and everyone.

And now, in the present, him in the middle of the hall with the thought of Y/N marrying Lord Stark soon… it's too much.

And he knows it's the same feeling she must have felt when he broke her heart.

He couldn't agree more that he deserves it, but he didn't want to let her go either. Nothing he did was really his choice, but that was the right decision.

And now…he still has to face the consequences of his own actions: Y/N's marriage to a man who will not be him.

"There you have it, my princess."

"Thank you, Emelly," you smile at one of your maids, who leaves you a tray with your almost every night tea so you can fall asleep, "You can rest now."

" You don't need anything else, princess?"

"No, I'm good, thank you. See you in the morrow."

"Of course, princess. Get some rest."

The maid leaves your room, who looking at you in your mirror you continue brushing your straight, silver hair, preparing for sleep.

You've already gone to your siblings' and Rhaena's rooms, especially the little ones', to wish them good night.

Your mother and father have also already come to speak with you and have your usual conversations of the night, where they talk about your wedding to Lord Cregan more than anything else, Daemon and Rhaenyra making sure nothing else haunts your mind.

They know that a wedding can cause too much stress, especially when you're marrying the one you didn't expect from the start, talking about duty and what's expected next from you and your husband.

Your older brother Jace had told you it's a stressful but very necessary conversation, considering the next wedding in the family will be his and Baela's.

You let out a long breath, leave your brush on your dressing table and head off to drink your tea, needing to sleep.

You take the cup from the tray in your hands when the napkin catches your attention. You frown and notice how there is something sticking out from under that napkin, hidden but wanting to be seen specifically by you.

You set the cup down on the table and pick up the napkin, curious and wary, realizing that it is the small envelope of a letter, definitely catching your attention more than before.

You analyze it and there is no indication of who the message might be from. So you decide to open it, finding a small sentence and an addressee that makes your heart jump in your chest and your lips parted.

Meet me at our place by the Hour of the Wolf. I need to explain everything to you, please. I will be waiting.

A.T.

Your pulse starts to race, your whole body starts to shake and you read the message over and over again, your system making you feel more emotions and feelings as you read who has sent this to you.

You think to yourself that this must be a joke or even perhaps some kind of trap, thinking that this can't be. But you know it's him.

It's his handwriting, you would recognize it on any piece of paper, as well as the signature he always uses in all his messages, short and subtle.

Now you understand why so much mystery. But you honestly don't understand how he could have gotten his message to you. It's practically impossible.

Unless he hired or paid irrelevant people, because Emelly is extremely loyal to you and would not have done this considering your history with your uncle, as well as anyone else knows it.

Your uncle who right now must be waiting for you.

Your mind tells you as you look at his message in front of you, surprised with your parted lips, with a feeling starting to invade your chest that you don't know exactly what it is but… it causes you some emotion.

And you can't. You truly can't do this.

You remember everything that happened, what he did to you, what his grandsire did to you too, and how broken you felt, how he broke your heart and left you without explanation, only to become betrothed to Floris Baratheon.

You swallow hard, walking to your huge windows, looking out at the night outside and barely lit by the fire torches that light a little of the roads around Dragonstone, looking out beyond the sea, in the direction where that island is and where you and Aemond used to meet.

You press your lips together, feeling a sharp pain in your chest, as well as that uncertainty and beginning to take into consideration what he has written to you on that little piece of paper.

But again… you can't.

You are both betrothed. You are betrothed to Lord Cregan Stark, you will marry him soon and then… probably he will marry Lady Floris Baratheon as well.

You know you shouldn't even consider it, you know you shouldn't feel that curiosity and longing, because he doesn't deserve it.

That's why you make your decision just as he made his moons ago.

Even though you admit that it hurts and even costs you, you still think of yourself, because he doesn't deserve you to feel this way about him, not after all the damage caused.

You don't know what Aemond really thinks, but it certainly isn't entirely wise to ask you to meet in the hour of the Wolf as if nothing had happened.

And what a coincidence that he does this just when your wedding is in a few more weeks.

You stare out over the sea for a few more moments, thinking, but having already made up your mind. You let out a long breath and without hesitation, you head to your fireplace and throw his message into the fire.

Then you head back to your table to drink your tea and drink it all down so you can finally sleep and forget this ever happened.

While on the small island in Blackwater Bay, Aemond Targaryen keeps Vhagar close by, watching as he sits on a huge rock on the sand of the beach towards the direction of Dragonstone, waiting for you.

He doesn't really find much to entertain himself with, beginning to feel anxious with each passing minute and still not seeing any dragons approaching in the night sky, getting up and pacing back and forth, letting out long breaths and trying to calm himself.

He would be a fool not to have thought that maybe you would ignore him and not even in your greatest madness, the other side of the Targaryen coin, would you agree to meet him after all that happened.

Of course he had thought about it. But he still decided to risk it.

But the minutes pass and pass, with Aemond waiting for you, disappointment and reality coming at him like a strong wave every moment he is still there alone on the island.

He feels frustration beginning to course through his body, also anger but not for you, but for himself.

He thinks of your soon marriage to him, Lord Stark and feels more despair coursing through him, not even bearing the thought.

He asks the Seven to you please show up, really wanting to explain himself.

But he knows it is too late. He was never going to get this chance, because he really hurt you too much and he knows it, he knows it and he has the memory more vivid than ever.

But even though he knew it, he can't help but be disappointed as he continues to wait for a dragon in the night sky that never came.

—PRESENT

The days go by too fast after the conversation with your mother and after so many preparations and requests for the wedding.

When the wedding day finally arrives.

Your mother overlooks her pregnancy, considering she is barely four moons pregnant, to ride Syrax and take her with her to King's Landing while you ride Silverwing so you both arrive in the capital a day before the wedding, as you wished.

You try to suppress all feelings along with the nerves of returning to the Red Keep, where there are many buried memories and people from the past. However, you are here for your wedding.

You know that this visit is brief just to get the wedding over with and nothing more, then your family will return to Dragonstone or probably your mother will decide to stay again to take care of your grandsire, while you will go to Winterfell.

You really want to know the North. It was one of the few conversations you had with Lord Stark and he agreed, as well as both of you being present at Court after spending married moons.

And you really have no intention of anything else happening and just let it happen as it should. And just before the sun sets, you and your mother arrive at King's Landing.

You meet your father, your brothers, sisters, also your grandmother Rhaenys and your grandsire Corlys, even also Queen Alicent welcomes you both back and also gives you her congratulations for your wedding.

If you didn't know her, you wouldn't know that her smile is fake. Clearly Alicent didn't want you to marry her son but neither did she want you to marry a person as influential as Lord Stark. But honestly you don't care.

She is the one who directs you and your mother to the king's chambers, to whom your mother wishes to speak and also in case she wants to dedicate a few words to you for your wedding.

On your way back to your room you meet your aunt, sweet Helaena, who welcomes your mother with a charming look and smile, also you, congratulating you on your wedding.

Fortunately you don't meet any other relevant people, just as you didn't see him or his betrothed anywhere, which you are thankful for.

Because the sooner this could happen, without distractions and unexpected inconveniences, the better.

The only thing you remember about that night when you arrived at King's Landing is that you had to drink a large and considerable amount of your tea in order to sleep, not being able to fall asleep because you were thinking about tomorrow.

And honestly also for thinking a little about him.

You were afraid that he would suddenly enter your chamber through the secret door, because surely he hasn't forgotten his request to meet you on the island to explain everything and you never showed up, but fortunately that didn't happen.

And when you least expect it, you are already at the celebration feast with all the guests present, you looking like a bride, waiting for your betrothed, everything going according to your mother's plan.

The common thing in a wedding is to get married at the Septon and then move on to the feast, but in this case, your mother chose the other way around, just like her wedding to your father, Sr. Laenor.

You learned that Alicent had questioned this, but your mother didn't care much, just reminded her that this was how her wedding had once been and that this way, you would feel less overwhelmed, knowing you perfectly well.

When it all begins.

They have already announced the king, also all your family, only the Hightower-Targaryen and also your betrothed are missing.

Your grandsire is seated at the large table next to his wife on the right side, while your mother is seated on his left side, followed by your place and then your betrothed's place. Your father takes a seat at the head of the table on the left side along with your brothers and sisters.

All the lord's and lady's present are spread throughout the Throne Room, as the food will soon be served and the musicians are already in position to begin at any moment.

Your mother at your side holds your hand to give you her support and her soft, sweet smiles in your direction to help with your nerves. Although she also makes sure that your entire appearance is intact.

It was always Rhaenyra's wish that her daughter, her first daughter, would have a wedding like hers was.

She would also prefer a Valyrian wedding, in fact that was her illusion when the king gave his blessing for the wedding between Y/N and Aemond.

But now, things are different and considering that Lord Stark is not Targaryen, clearly, a Westerosi wedding was the best option. And you did not complain at all.

In fact, it filled you with excitement and affection that when your father and grandfather saw you entering the Room, with your appearance for the occasion, they instantly told you that you wore them many years ago, when they were also in this same place and your mother married your father, Laenor.

A white dress with shoulder-length sleeves draws attention with golden details and some chains adorn around your waist with dragon figures.

Your hair falls in elegant waves, reaching above your waist, with some very subtle braids adorning the top of your head.

Your mother wanted some golden pins to be placed between your hair, also jewelry such as gold necklaces, rings and bracelets, to look more and properly like a Targaryen princess.

When at that moment, they announce the missing people at the big table. The people or rather the person you most expected and never wanted to arrive at the same time.

"Prince Aegon Targaryen, first born son of King Viserys Targaryen with his lady wife, Princess Helaena Targaryen."

The doors directly in front of you allow you to see the entrance of your uncle and sweet aunt who together make their way over to you to take a seat beside Queen Alicent.

Aegon's appearance is appropriate, however, due to all the rumors that keep spreading to Dragonstone, his condition is far from the best for a prince of the realm. His tired face with large bags under his eyes and his clear boredom and disinterest in being here is clear.

However, after all he seems to be willing to drink wine and enjoy himself.

But your sweet aunt by his side completely overshadows him once the view is on her and her beautiful sky blue dress with light silver tones and all her bright and sweet look that characterizes her so much.

When they announce the next people and you try not to make a big deal of it once Aegon and Helaena take their seats.

"Prince Aemond Targaryen, second son of King Viserys and Prince Daeron Targaryen, the third and final son of the king."

So both of them, he, now enter the Throne Room and you avoid looking too much, as well as feeling too much.

You try to distract yourself with the fact that you hadn't seen Daeron in a very long time, nor had anyone else, not even your mother or father. You thought he would still be in Oldtown because he wasn't even here for Helaena and Aegon's wedding.

Maybe he really wanted to fly here, but he was not allowed to, maybe because of his age, knowing that Queen Alicent does not like dragons and is very overprotective in that aspect.

But now that you are looking at him, he is tall, very tall. Not as tall as he is, but for his age, he's definitely growing into a man. But even though you want to focus on Daeron, you don't as you focus on him, inevitably.

His walk hasn't changed, neither has that determination, that confidence and that kind of power he possesses just by looking at him, also that fear and respect at the same time.

And his appearance… hasn't changed either.

Maybe his continuous training has made him look a bit stockier of his arms and his body in general, but his hair, his face and his eye patch is the same.

But he gives you the impression that he's even more handsome.

You look away from him in an instant, as everything that happened comes back to you in a matter of seconds, which is inappropriate. But all you can think about is him.

His hugs, kisses, caresses… all those words of love, all those wishes and all those promises… all only to end in an unexplained broken heart. You swore that he and you were destined to burn together. You swore that you would marry in the tradition of your house.

You swore it would be him and you.

But he made his decision.

And now here you are. He's betrothed and so are you, where by the end of the day you'll be married.

You completely avoid looking at his face once he starts to walk up the steps to take a seat next to his brothers, just like Daeron. You don't feel his gaze at any moment, just as you don't dare to look at him either.

When you ask yourself; where is his betrothed?

She must be here for such celebrations if they are betrothed. And you are sure that Floris Baratheon would not want to miss such an important celebration at the Red Keep.

However, he is all alone and his betrothed seems to be nowhere to be found. Doubt lingers but the feast gives you something new to think about when they announce your betrothed.

"Cregan Stark, lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North, the future lord husband of the bride, Y/N Velaryon."

At that moment, everyone at the table rises to greet your betrothed who walks towards you with a kind and respectful smile, looking very well for all this celebration. Or at least most of the people at the table stand up….

You can notice out of the corner of your eye how on Queen Alicent's side some people are still seated, but you don't dare look at them, though you get an idea of who they might be.

Still you focus on your betrothed who bows to the king once he arrives at the table and then makes his way to you to take a seat next to you.

Not before taking your mother's hand to plant a gentle kiss on the back of it, which she accepts with a kind and sweet smile and then turns to you and does the same with more affection.

You smile in his direction as you return his gesture by placing a soft kiss on his cheek and then both of you take a seat, as well as everyone else. When your grandsire, the king, gives a short speech before the feast begins.

And once everything has been said, the feast begins. The music starts and the food is served.

You feel his gaze for a few seconds, not long enough, but you don't notice him at all and continue to enjoy the feast. You talk to your mother from time to time and also to your betrothed, that is if your father and Jace are not talking to him asking him about Winterfell and the Wall.

Your sisters also ask you from time to time if you are feeling well and you can only nod, telling yourself that this is really happening and you have to completely ignore his presence.

When the time comes for the opening of the dance.

Cregan rises from his seat first and offers you his hand to lead you to the center of the Room, which you gladly accept and together you walk to dance in full view of everyone, a traditional Westerosi dance.

It is a simple dance, nothing difficult and you really enjoy it, while you focus your gaze at all times on him, Lord Cregan, who also smiles softly in your direction and does perfectly the right steps, all under the watchful eye of all the nobles present and also of your family.

Both of you stand back to back, and then both of you slowly raise your arms to shoulder height, while you can't help it and turn your gaze towards him, already feeling since the dance started his burning gaze.

Aemond has a meaningful look on his face when your gaze meets his, acting nonchalant, watching you intently, raising his wine glass to his lips.

You can only smile really ungracefully and turn your gaze to the front, continuing to dance and focusing only on your betrothed.

While Aemond at all times… wants this to be over and done with. Though I'd prefer to think this isn't really happening.

He feels like an alluring force, as he can't take his eye off of you, looking at you so beautiful in that dress, knowing in an instant that this is not the dress you would have worn for their wedding. But you still look really beautiful.

A true Targaryen beauty.

A warm feeling envelops him every second he sees you there, so perfect, dancing, smiling and catching everyone's attention, his especially at your every move, not realizing that his face gets softer every second as he watches you.

However… everything is replaced by hatred and anger when those smiles are directed at Lord Stark. And by the way he looks at you too… he wants to burn everything to the ground, clenching his hands into fists.

"Easy, little brother."

Aegon murmurs behind him, over his shoulder, amused, his breath smelling very strongly of wine.

"Everyone can sense how you're starting to wake up. You don't want to cause a fucking scene at our niece's wedding because of your jealousy, do you? Grandsire won't be too pleased."

Aemond can only feel that rage come over him more, knowing full well that Aegon has no intention of calming him down, but to provoke him further and do exactly as he has told him.

And he is succeeding.

Especially in the moment when he again focuses on you, smiling at Lord Stark, glowing and looking this beautiful but for him, Lord Stark, not for him, the one she was supposed to marry and be completely his.

And he regrets it so much, he regrets it so much that he called off their wedding and also leaving you without explanation, knowing that this is exactly what he deserves, to see you happy without him.

As the dance of just the two of them ends and a new song begins, in which he watches as Y/N, his Y/N, places one of her hands on Lord Stark's shoulder and the other intertwines with his, his other hand on her waist, this only making him angrier.

A more choreographed dance begins and the nobles in pairs also begin to join the center of the Room to dance, beginning the real celebration.

And Aemond sinking in his own misery, thinks that he could have survived watching Y/N dance with Lord Stark at an appropriate distance. But now they are both chest to chest, smiling and talking about something with all the nobles also dancing around them.

He doesn't understand that important thing that the two of them are talking about, but he doesn't like it at all, neither does the closeness. In fact he doesn't like any of it.

All he wants is to get her away from him, away from all of this and make her his, finally, no matter what.

His breathing starts to get heavier by the moment, thinking that by the time this is over, she will already be married to him and they will go away together, where they will have to consummate the marriage.

The very thought makes him only feel more enraged and more courageous to snatch her from his arms, not caring about her family and his, not caring about his grandsire and his words, not caring about his mother's words either about "you have to control yourself and think of us."

Not only does Aegon notice her state, so does his grandsire, who watches him intently and cautiously, noticing the look on Lord Stark's face more than menacing, about to do something foolish even though he was very clear with him before attending this feast.

He also catches the eye of Rhaenyra, who watches her husband and subtly points to her half-brother, instantly Daemon knowing exactly what is going on.

And how could he not know?

It reminds him of him many years ago, also watching the woman he loves, about to marry someone else who is not him.

He places a small half smile, bringing his wine glass to his lips, watching his nephew attentively and amused, almost expectantly, wondering even though Aemond has his full attention on you, if he will finally do something about it or what.

"Aemond," his grandsire mumbles to him.

But Aemond, beginning to go into his madness, doesn't watch or listen to him, watching you intently.

"Aemond, I'm warning you," his grandsire insists.

"Oh come on grandsire," Aegon tells him amused, "You know it will be useless. I can tell you don't know him."

And even though Aemond is immersed in his madness, he still thinks and remembers the words of his grandsire and mother.

"I will overlook that it was you who prevented the raven to Storms Ends from arriving when you knew perfectly well that your betrothed should have been here days ago."

His mother tells him seriously and annoyed.

"Now you will attend this wedding alone and I expect you to behave yourself. Just as I expect you to come to terms with the idea that you will marry Lady Baratheon by the end of next month, without protest."

"And you are not going to commit any of your foolishness at the Y/N wedding, do you understand me?" Otto immediately threatens him, "You're not going to talk to Y/N, you're not going to threaten Lord Stark either, and you're going to let the wedding happen in peace, is that clear? "

Aemond feels a bitter feeling, continuing to watch you attentively and him watching threateningly, with the fire in his body about to explode.

"You know what your problem is, grandsire?" Aegon says to Otto Hightower, who watches him seriously and on the verge of losing his patience, "You question the blood of the dragon too much."

And in that same instant, Aemond rises from his seat in a confident movement, with his gaze firmly fixed on you, who are completely disinterested in what is happening with him, completely focused on Lord Stark.

And Aemond's movement completely catches the attention of his grandsire, his mother, also your mother and father, who in an instant look at each other, definitely remembering the past.

Aemond makes his way towards you, not caring about anything.

He doesn't care about his mother and grandsire, he doesn't care about the war that will probably befall them when his father dies, the only thing he cares about at this moment is you.

taglist:

@iloveallmyboys @libdarkheart @angelianlearp @happinessinthebeing @targaryenmoony @tempt-ress @callsign-blue @twobluejeans @luna-salem @literatureluster @thekinslayersswordhand @queenofshinigamis @bugshideaway @minttea07 @itszzmoon

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part two

summary: all the stars aligned, and it was you.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.1k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, r is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: ahhh welcome sejanus i love him dearly

series masterlist // playlist

It was only a few hours of making small talk with Capitol strangers before you caught a glimpse of the red uniform your new friend was wearing just this morning. For a moment, you did think it was him, that he was back, but the dark curly hair and eyes of another boy was what greeted you instead. He must be another mentor.

You watch as he walks up to the edge of the cage with a few bags, placing them down and opening one as he scans the group of you trapped in the cage. "Marcus!" He calls out, and your gaze falls on the District Two tribute. "I brought you something to eat, it's me, Sejanus. Do you remember?"

You furrow your brow at his desperate attempts to speak to Marcus. How could they have known each other? As far as you know, they had never met. You approach the boy slowly. He seems to have a good heart, to bring food for someone who you know he is meant to believe is less than.

"I can bring it to him, if you'd like." You offer quietly, holding out a hand from a little ways away. "We're all very tired. I'm sure he's still just recovering from the ride."

"That would be great." The boy, Sejanus, agrees, handing you the sandwich. "Thank you, Y/N."

"My pleasure." You smile, taking it and heading over to where Marcus is sitting on a rock, facing the opposite direction.

"Marcus?" You hum, crouching down in front of him.

"I'm not taking anything from him." He grumbles, hardly meeting your eye.

"Oh." You look back at Sejanus, who's watching you hopefully. "Do you know each other?"

"Not anymore."

"I see." You nod, thinking over how you could get him to eat. "Well, take it from me, then. I'll just take his kind gesture for myself, but I'll share it with you. Now," You rip the already cut sandwich in half. "It's from me. And I know you're hungry, so please. Have some of mine."

He looks down at the sandwich in your hand and sighs, taking it begrudgingly. "Thanks, Y/N."

"Anytime." You smile, gently patting him on the knee as you stand back up, giving Sejanus a grin and a small thumbs up.

He gestures for you to come back over to him, so you do, half the sandwich still in hand. "Thank you for doing that." He says once you're close enough to hear at a normal volume.

"Yes, of course. I'll give him the rest in a bit, I feel like he won't take it while you're still here." You smile sadly at him.

"No, I insist. You have it. I brought plenty of food for all of you."

"Oh, really?" You smile, looking down at the bags at his feet now. "That's so kind of you."

"I couldn't let you starve in here." He replies. "It's barbaric, and sick, and I am so, so sorry."

His emotional response catches you off guard. "Oh... Well, thank you. But know it was not your doing."

"I know it's not... but I wish there was more I could do."

"You're doing all you can, more than anyone expected of you." You reassure him. "Don't feel guilty."

Sejanus just nods, reaching for a bag and holding it open between the bars. "Would you mind..? I don't think they will trust me." He asks and you nod, turning to see who you could call to come eat. If one person comes, more will follow.

"Jessup." You smile hopefully at the boy from your District, waving him over. "Sejanus here has brought food to share, come eat."

"I'm not hungry." He mumbles as he gets closer to you, looking down into the bag anyway as you reach your hand in to grab him a sandwich.

"Please eat." You sigh. "If we eat the others will too. I don't want anyone hungry."

"We'll all be hungry." Jessup replies, taking the sandwich from your hand anyway. "It won't matter next week."

"Okay, well, for now, we're just living in the moment and enjoying this lovely food our new friend brought for us."

"My Ma made it all." He explains, and you tilt your head at him. There was something so distinctly District about how he referred to his mother, but was he not Capitol? After all, he was a mentor. He was wearing a matching red uniform.

"Will you tell her thank you for us?" You ask, taking the first bite out of the sandwich in your hand. "This is really good. We haven't eaten in days."

"She'll be happy to hear that. Yes, of course, I'll pass that on."

By the time any other tributes who wanted to eat had been fed, you were sitting down across the bars from Sejanus, chewing on your second helping shamelessly leaning over criss-crossed legs. "Do you know Coriolanus Snow?" You asked, covering your mouth as you spoke.

"Coryo?" Sejanus smiles. " I do. He's my best friend."

"Is he?" You smile, leaning forward. "He's my mentor. He seems kind."

Sejanus shrugs. "I would say he is, most of the time."

"And you call him Coryo?" You ask, head tilted at him. "Is that what his friends call him?"

"I guess so. Not everyone... Just his friends, yeah." Sejanus explains, neglecting to mention that by this definition, he and Coriolanus's cousin Tigris are his only real friends.

"I see. That's nice." You hum, looking down at the food in your hands. "How long have you been friends?"

"Since I moved here from Two." Oh, that makes sense. He and Marcus did know each other. "He was the only one who was nice to me, still is, honestly, but yeah, about ten years now."

"I have a similar story about him." You joke. "Of course, I've only known him for a few hours. And I guess now I have two friends here, if I can count you."

"Sure." Sejanus smiles, trying to hide the sadness behind it.

"I mean, don't feel like you have to agree. I know your loyalties lie elsewhere." You catch on to his hesitation, following his gaze over to Marcus. "Besides, I don't hold grudges. Even if I did, I won't be holding it for long now, would I?"

"It's not that." Sejanus quickly shakes his head. "I just... I am one of you. District, I mean. That will never change." He sighs, and you watch as he twists his fingers together nervously. "I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I can't imagine how scared you must be and-"

"That it will never come again. That is what makes life so sweet." You cite, giving him a small smile. "There is nothing that you or I can change now, or then. I am just blessed it was me and not yet my brother. Change will come at the right time. If it's after me, it's after me; I will live forever."

Sejanus opens his mouth to speak, looking slightly dumbfounded before closing his jaw again tightly, giving you a curt nod.

"Don't pity him." You whisper, tucking your knees up to your chest on the cold ground and watching as his eyes fall back onto Marcus. "It will make it only worse."

You rest your chin on the skin of your knees. "I don't- it's not my fault and I know that." He replies.

"I know, Sejanus." You say, smiling in the face of his defensiveness. "Just... Don't let him think that. Which is easier said than done, I know."

"We're supposed to be mentoring you." He says after a moment, back to his normal self, from what you could tell. "Not the other way around."

"You're right. My apologies." You giggle. "Tell me then, how do I win?" You don't truly expect an answer; you don't expect you have any chance of winning. Not without the need enough to kill. It wouldn't be worth it, despite.

"My honest, best advice?" He asks rhetorically, looking around as he leans in to whisper to you. "Figure out a way to escape."

"Sejanus." You don't have the time to process the shock of his suggestion before your conversation is being interrupted by Coriolanus standing behind him, casting a shadow over the two of you. "What are you doing with my tribute?"

"Oh, uh..." Immediately Sejanus becomes shifty at Coriolanus's question. "I brought some food for everyone, and Y/N helped me distribute it. We were just talking."

"Welcome back, Coriolanus. You missed the sandwiches Sejanus brought." You grin, standing up and brushing off the bare backs of your legs.

"That's a shame. Would you come with me?" He asks, motioning for you to follow him along the bars and you nod.

"Thank you, Sejanus." You take a moment to honestly thank him, and he just nods before you follow Coriolanus who has already walked away.

"How was your day? I assume you went to school?" You ask, stopping just in front of him.

"It was... fine, thank you." He clears his throat. "Hard to focus."

"Oh?" You tilt your head as he digs through his bag. "What's bothering you?"

"Well, uh," He pauses, looking up from his bag to meet your eyes. "This mentorship thing is new, and very important, so there's just a lot on my mind."

"There's a prize." You state at the realization, smile fading slightly. You had been so excited that he was so kind to you that you failed to consider the likelihood of an incentive.

"There is." He confirms. "But, whether or not you win doesn't matter. I am here to help you do the best you can, and I do want you to win."

"Oh, I see." You reply hesitantly. Sejanus told you he is kind, so he must be. You have to force yourself to believe he's not just using you. But even if he is, what does it matter? If he's kind to you in your final days, out of honesty or personal gain, will the intentions even matter? You suppose not. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me." He quickly shakes his head. You had thanked the peacekeepers who had walked you to the stage, you had thanked the village of people who stood there while you said your final goodbyes and did nothing but listen in silence. No one responded. Coriolanus wouldn't be added to a list of people you thank for nothing.

"Sorry." You mumble, looking around behind you now.

"No, I-" He sighs, taking a breath as he rubs his forehead, pushing away his curls and making it easier for you to see his eyes. "I didn't mean that. I just mean... I haven't done anything for you. I want to help, but don't thank me until I have."

"You have." You answer honestly. "I didn't expect to meet anyone so kind... It helps a lot to just know I have one person who's not rooting against me."

"I would never." Coriolanus insists quickly, shaking his head. "I talked to the head gamemaker, she likes my ideas. That's why Sejanus and the others are here. People want to get to know you. It will help."

You're unsure of how that could help you in the arena, you had never seen it before; you tried to avoid watching or viewing anything to do with the games. It scared you. Petrified you, even, you weren't sure what you expected; but it wasn't that you would be able to get any help. You smile anyway, giving him a slight nod as you wrap your arms tightly around yourself. It's not too cold, but you feel exposed. Even the warm July air, when brushing over your uncovered skin could give you chills in these circumstances.

"You just have to talk to people who come to see you, be nice, like you're trying to make friends. We want to humanize you. I may be able to get people to send you gifts in the arena, food and water to keep you going if they like you."

"Okay." You answer quietly. "I've been talking to folks who come, not much else to do in here." You shrug, smiling at him hopefully. You don't want to sound like you're complaining, you're sure complaining about circumstances you can't change will get you nowhere. "The people seem lovely."

"Lovely." He scoffs, shaking his head with a grin of disbelief. "You don't have to lie to me, you know."

"I'm not!" You insist with a slight laugh, looking around. "They just... seem a little scared, for some reason. It seems like they came to stare, not to talk."

"Well, people here don't like people who are different. To them, you're all different."

"And to you?" You ask, tilting your head at him.

The look you give him could make his heart melt. Wide-eyed and kind down to your bones. If he had the power to call off the games, right now as he looked down into your soul, he would do it in a heartbeat. I'm not here to be friends with her. I'm here to win, Coriolanus has to remind himself. "You're different." He replies. "But I think that's a very good thing."

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[forever-rogue]

I just love your Steve writings and I'm absolute obsessed with the way you write. I have a little request if you don't mind? We all know Steve wants his six little nuggets but what if reader can't have children? I never saw someone write something like it and I think you would write it perfectly. The story and how they communicate about this is totally in your hands but I would just LOVE to read a happy ending.

AN | Please, this is such a sensitive but soft concept. He would be the best about it, fullstop. It has a happy ending 🥺

Warnings | Language, Mentions of infertility 

Pairing | Steve x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.2k

Masterlist | Steve, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I…you - what?” your eyes grew wide as you looked between Steve and the small velveteen box in his hand. Your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest as you anxiously fidgeted with your hands. Steve grew confused - and worried - as he looked at you in worried anticipation. 

“Will you marry me?” he repeated his question as you still struggled to process what he was asking. It was such a simple question but it held an immense amount of weight. You could feel the eyes of almost all the other patrons in the restaurant’s outside patio on the two of you. Expectant and waiting…and you had no clue what to say. 

Well, no - that wasn’t exactly true. You knew what you wanted to say, which was yes. A thousand times yes. But you couldn’t do it…you couldn’t say yes.

“I…I can’t,” you whispered softly, wishing you could look anywhere but his face. But all you could see was him, “no.”

“W-what?” he let out a nervous chuckle, cheeks pinking and eyes wide. Surely he couldn’t have heard you correctly, “what did you say?”

“No,” you repeated softly, tears already welling up and threatening to run down your cheeks, “n-no. I can’t.”

“Oh,” the look on his face was the worst thing you’d ever seen. It was heartbroken and upset multiplied by a thousand times.

“Steve - I…I’m so sorry,” you almost jumped up from your chair as you stood up and grabbed your back, “I can’t do this - I’m so, so sorry.”

“Wait, don’t just go. Angel-”

“I’m sorry,” it was the last thing you managed to choke out and the last thing he heard. 

Steve walked you go, acutely aware that everyone’s eyes were on him. And his marriage proposal was rejected - which he never thought would happen. 

He swallowed the lump that had welled up in his throat and sat back down in his chair. The ring box was snapped shut and quickly stuffed back into his pocket. Tears burned the backs of his eyes as he tried to keep it together enough to at least pay the bill. 

“Sir?” a young waiter came over and offered him an apologetic look. Steve couldn’t even bring him to say anything, “it’s on the house tonight. I’m sorry about what happened. Hopefully things will be okay.”

“Thanks,” the bit of kindness caused the last of his walls to come down and he felt the tears run down his cheeks, “me too.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You spent the next couple of days absolutely wallowing in self-pity, regret, and anger. It all had to do with yourself too; it wasn’t Steve’s fault at all. It was yours and yet he was the one suffering. You’d contemplated calling him so many times, the phone halfway to your ear but you stopped yourself every time. 

Steve too was keeping his distance; it seemed so out of character for him. That’s how you knew that you had royally fucked up. If your golden retriever, sunshine boyfriend was avoiding you, there was a definite problem. 

After almost five days, you couldn’t handle it anymore. There wasn’t even anyone to blame but yourself. You were positive that all of your friends would hate you too - if you were in their position, you probably would have hated yourself too. 

You had to give yourself a major pep talk in order to drag yourself out of your apartment and over to Steve’s house. Once you spotted his car in the driveway, you parked your car in the street and stayed in there for about fifteen minutes before dragging yourself to the door. 

You knocked on the door, the key to his place that was on your keyring burning a hole in your pocket. It didn’t feel right to let yourself into his place without permission. You rocked and forth on yourself as you waited to hear the gait of his familiar footsteps. 

When you did actually hear them, you grew nervous and contemplated running away again. But it was too late because you’d already been cowardly enough. The door opened slowly and you were met with a very tired and surprised looking Steve. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before blinking owlishly at you. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, and to your surprise his tone was void of any anger or malice. A wave of emotion washed over you, and you had the urge to wrap him up in a tight hug. 

“I…I umm,” you closed your eyes and waved a hand around, silently willing it to somehow give you all the answers, “I wanted to apologize…to talk. But if you don’t want to, I understand if you don't want to. I don't know if I really deserve it."

"Y-yeah," he almost choked on the single word as he nodded before opening the front door. You hesitantly made your way inside; it usually felt just like home but today it didn't. 

You trailed after him to the living room, sitting down on the couch as he sat down opposite you. A tense silence fell over the two of you for a few moments before you ended up clearing your throat.

“Umm-”

“So-”

The two of you spoke at the same time before you nervously exchanged a chuckle. You leaned back and exhaled slowly as he motioned for you to go. 

“First of all,” you allowed yourself to meet his eyes; there was nothing but gentle curiosity behind them. Of course he wasn’t furious…he had too good of a heart, “I want to apologize. I know that doesn’t solve a single thing or make anything right, but I definitely owe you a giant apology.”

“It’s…’s okay,” his lips pulled into a thin line, clearly mulling over his thoughts, “it hurt a whole…like a lot a lot, but I figured you had your reasons.”

“Yeah,” if only you could turn back time and change everything, “it was just a big surprise and I didn’t know how to handle it. But I shouldn’t have run away from you like that. It wasn’t right.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” he confessed sheepishly. He wanted to give you a huge surprise and gave you the most romantic proposal…but that was quickly shut down. Admittedly, Steve had wanted to be mad and angry but he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything of the sort to you, “we’ve been together for a couple of years so I just thought that it was the right time.”

“I know,” you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your features, “it’s been the best two years of my life…all because of you.”

“So why…what happened?” his brows furrowed as he tried to put two and two together. If it had been so good, why didn't you want to marry him? He was sure that it would be the two of you together forever. You knew you had to tell him…it was going to have to come out at some point so you might as well get it all out now, “you don’t want to marry me?”

“No, Stevie…I do,” you whispered, throat already thick with tears, “I do. You’re the only person I could ever see marrying.”

“But you…said no.”

“Steve…” you inhaled and exhaled shakily, “I should have told you this sooner…I just panicked. I thought that somehow it would work itself out but I see now that it never will. So I figured that I couldn’t marry you after all.”

“Angel, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t have children, Steve,” getting it all out in the open felt like a rush of relief and also like the weight of the world was on your shoulders, “and I’m so sorry for not telling you that before. I-I know you’ve always wanted kids, and I just…I was so selfish for never saying anything. I just didn’t want to let you go. I wanted to be with you because I love you so much; I’ve never felt anything like I do with you before. But if we stay together, we can’t have kids, and you deserve to have them. You’re going to be the best dad ever.”

He’d scooted over to the couch you were on while you were somewhere between rambling and crying, studying you intently. He hesitantly reached for your hand, holding it tightly in his when you slowly offered your hand to him, “how long have you known?”

“A long time,” you whispered, “before we started dating. I just didn’t want to lose you.”

“Why would you lose me?” he tilted his head to the side like a puppy as you blinked in surprise.

“Because you want children and I…can’t give you children,” you stated as though it was so obvious, “why would you want to be with me?”

“I’m in love with you,” and that might have been your favorite thing in the entire world to hear, “and I love you so much. There’s no one else I’d ever want to be with.”

“But-”

“But nothing,” he smiled gently, “nothing will ever change that. And if you think I wouldn’t wnat to be with you because of that - you must not know me very well.”

“Stevie-”

“I want you,” he promised, “and yes, I want children, but just because you can’t carry them, doesn’t mean we can’t have the family we want, angel. There are so many ways for us to have our own family.”

“I…you…” tears had rolled down your cheeks now and Steve tenderly wiped them away, “are you sure? You’d still want me?”

“I don’t want anyone but you,” he brushed his knuckles along your cheek, “no matter what. Why on earth would I not want to be with you over that? It’s something that you can’t even control. There’s so many ways for us to have the family we want. They don’t have to be biologically ours to be our children. Family is what we make it, yeah? Look at our family now.”

Steve was saying the exact opposite of what you had expected, but everything you wanted to hear. He was right, after all, your current family was found but that didn’t mean the love you shared wasn’t real.

“Are you sure?” you asked softly, “you won’t change your mind in a few years and hate me?”

“I could never, ever hate you,” he insisted and you knew in your heart that he was telling the truth, “I am so in love with you, and nothing is going to change. The only thing I wish I could change was how worried you were to tell me. I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel like I could ever love you any less.”

“It was me,” you shrugged slightly, “I’d convinced myself a long time ago that no one would ever want to be with me because of that. But with you…I should have known better. You’ve never given me a single reason to doubt you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Don’t apologize,” he insisted softly, gently tugging you towards him. You obliged without a second thought and let him pull you into his lap, “I’m glad you were able to tell me now. I love you, okay? Nothing is going to change that.”

“But I…I was awful to you,” you pouted and Steve couldn’t stop himself from peppering kisses to your cheeks and forehead, “and I just…I left you. How could you still love me?”

“Because you’re still you and I’m still me,” he grinned, “and last time I checked we’re still in love. And I’m hoping that maybe you’d still agree to marry me one day?”

You gasped audibly which caused the boy to laugh softly. Your brows furrowed in surprise as you looked at me curiously, “you still want to marry me? Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” he insisted and you almost melted into a puddle, “but only if you want to.”

“Yes,” you looped your arms around his neck and clung onto him tightly before burying your face into his chest, “there’s nothing I want more. Of course, I-I really want to marry you, Stevie.”

“Good,” you felt his chest rumble with his relieved laugh, “that settles that. We’re going to get married. And, when we’re ready, we’re going to have the family we want. Deal?”

“Deal,” you pulled back and looked at him with misty eyes; you could see that he was trying to hold back his own tears, “I love you, Steve. So, so much.”

“I love you, angel. More than anything.”

[hgfictionwriter]

Mending

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Summary: Despite how great a girlfriend Jessie is, old hurt bleeds into your relationship with her and threatens to dismantle it.

Warnings: Mentions of emotional manipulation and abuse.

A/N: Bit of angst and hurt as reader recalls past experiences, but very much a comfort and reassurance fic. Happy ending. Based on this request.

"Hey, change of plans, instead of going out for dinner after the game on Saturday, Becky's invited us all to go to her house instead." 

A heavy pit immediately formed in your stomach as you read Jessie's message. You totally forgot about dinner with her and the team on Saturday. Suddenly, the memory of you agreeing to come to dinner to celebrate Becky's milestone caps was vivid in your mind, unfortunately too late though.  

You chewed the inside of your lip as you stared at her message and fret about what to do.  

"Jessie, I'm so, so sorry. I completely forgot. I have [y/best friend]'s birthday that night. I didn't realize when I agreed that there was a conflict. We have reservations and tickets to an event that night. I'm really sorry - I don't think I can go to your game or to Becky's after. I wish I could though." 

"I can't believe I didn't notice sooner. I promise I will make it up to you. I know you have plans the next day already, but maybe we could grab breakfast together?" 

"All good. I have errands to run in the morning, so can't do breakfast." 

You stared at Jessie's message. It wasn't warm like her usual texts. And she didn't offer an alternative or continue the conversation. Your chest tightened.

"That's okay! I wanted to offer. I'm really sorry, Jessie. I promise I'll pay closer attention next time. Maybe I could meet you after my event is over?" 

"Or maybe I can skip part of something and join you for a bit that evening?" 

A couple of hours passed - no response. 

You stared at the messages with Jessie and fidgeted anxiously. You were supposed to be focused on a project right now, but you hadn't typed more than 50 words since Jessie texted.  

You checked your phone incessantly. Your mind knew no new texts had come through, yet you checked with blind faith and hope that you'd see a message from her.  

Logically, you knew she was probably just busy. She was at training, after all. But she'd made time to text you earlier. And she'd texted at various points of training before. 

Your stomach churned, a heavy, deep pit inside of you, as you wondered if Jessie was mad at you for cancelling. And did she actually have errands that morning – or was she just upset with you.  

The anxiety and unrest building inside of you was a feeling that was all too familiar and it hit you hard because of it. 

You tried to remind yourself that Jessie wasn't your ex. Nor was she like your ex. She wasn't someone who would manipulate you, punish you with mind games and emotional warfare, and dangle her affection above your head as a reward you may receive if you were perfect enough.  

At least Jessie wasn't like that so far. It had only been a couple of months. And you've seen people take great care and patience in slowly reveal who they are – and not for the better.  

You sighed and felt a lump form in your throat. You hated being stuck in this state. You finally worked up the courage to leave your ex – and she didn't make it easy – but you wanted a better life.  

You didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore. You didn't want to analyze every little action and word. You didn't want to try to anticipate your partner – doing your best to ward off her bad moods and brace yourself for when you weren't successful.  

So, could you cancel on [y/best friend]? Well, anything's possible. But, you didn't want to. You gave up so much of yourself and your life on account of your ex and you swore you wouldn't do it again. Not even for someone as incredible as Jessie. 

Yet, here you were making unprompted, borderline-desperate accommodations. The way you fell into old, bad habits left you dejected and ashamed. It felt like no matter how hard you tried to break cycles or damaging mindsets, simple things pulled you right back.  

Several hours passed and you felt like you were going to be sick. Your mind was noisy with self-reprimanding thoughts and endless theories. 

On your way home, you were looking at your messages with Jessie again when the typing bubble came up. Your body stilled and your breath hitched in your chest. You mouth was dry as you waited.  

"You don't have to do any of that, Y/N. Seriously. Go to your friend's party!" 

What did that really mean? Maybe it should've made you feel better, but instead you felt your worry grow. 

You chewed your lip and typed out a reply. 

"I can do both! I want to make it work. I'm sorry – that's what I should've said from the beginning." 

"What? No. You don't need to. Go to [y/best friend]'s party." 

"But I want to support you. And I don't want you to think I'm not prioritizing you." 

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure what's happening. I think I've said something that's come across wrong. I'm not upset or bothered at all. I know you support me and prioritize me. And to be clear, you shouldn't prioritize me above yourself or everyone else." 

You read Jessie's message. While you were dissecting everything she said, this message made you slow down and take a step back. It felt genuine – as far as you could tell. Maybe it was real. 

"Okay. I'm sorry. I guess I was just reading into things and getting in my head. I'm sorry." 

"Baby. Are you okay? What's going on?" 

Without warning, you felt tears begin to prick at the corner of your eyes. You really wanted this relationship to be different. For you to be different, and you were ruining things anyway.  

You were lost in your thoughts when your phone began to vibrate in your hand. You stopped in your tracks as your eyes shot down to see Jessie's name and picture. Your pulse quickened, but in a way you weren't used to with Jessie. Normally, it was excitement and anticipation, but in this moment you felt trepidation. You started walking again and reluctantly picked up. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey." Jessie's voice was warm and despite your concerns, immediately comforting. "I was going to wait for your text, but I thought maybe phone would be better. Things can get misconstrued easily with text. So...what's going on? Are you alright?" 

"Yeah, I'm great." It pained you to muster up the false levity in your voice. "I'm sorry to worry you." 

"You know, I'm the Canadian here, and yet you are doing an awful lot of apologizing. And you really don't need to," she offered with a soft laugh.  

"I'm-" You stopped yourself with a near flinch before the word 'sorry' came out again. You took a quick breath and spoke evenly. "I'm okay. Really. Like I said, I was just getting in my head. It's all good though. Thanks for clarifying." 

"Okay," Jessie said slowly, clearly not fully convinced. "I mean, can you tell me what I said that caused that? It definitely wasn't my intention." 

You couldn't prevent your frustrated sigh from escaping you. You quickly spoke up to prevent Jessie from thinking it was about her. 

"Honestly Jessie, it's okay. It's not on you. I just wanted to make sure I didn't upset you." 

"Why would I be upset? I-" Jessie's tone was curious and not accusatory, but you cut her off. 

"I wasn't paying close enough attention and I had to cancel on you. And I know your team was expecting me to be there too, so now you have to make an excuse for me." You swallowed and took a short breath, unsure if you wanted to go on or not. "And, I don't know. You seemed kind of curt? Or not that warm when you first responded? And then I didn't hear from you for a while..." Your voice wavered and trailed off as you heard your own words, a sense of anger rising inside of you at how pathetic you sounded. 

"Baby," Jessie said affectionately, though you heard a faint laugh coming through the phone, "I'm really sorry. I was rushing to text you before we went out on the pitch, so that's why my texts were a bit more curt or blunt than usual, but I wanted to reply to you before I'd be gone for a while. I guess I didn't think about how that might be worse."  

You listened to her reply, still feeling small, and failed to come up with a response before she spoke again.  

"Are you free tonight?" She asked. "And by 'tonight' I mean in like an hour." 

You stammered briefly, skepticism and confusion clouding your response before finding your voice. "Yeah." You let a beat pass. "Any reason why?" You asked tentatively. 

Jessie laughed gently. "Because I'd like to come over and bring you dinner if you're up for it." 

Your jaw clenched subconsciously. This didn't feel right. But still, you nodded. "Sure. That'd be nice." You couldn't stop yourself before you continued. "But you really don't need to. I've already caused issues today. Like, you don't need to change your plans or go out of your way. I'm totally fine." 

"Sushi or Vietnamese?" She asked you undeterred. 

"I-I don't know. Up to you." 

"I would like your opinion," she continued lightly. It took you a couple of seconds to reply.  

"Sushi." 

"Done. I'll be at your place in about an hour, okay?" 

"Jessie..." You weren't even sure what you were protesting anymore. It just all felt unfamiliar.  

"I'll see you soon, babe." 

True to her word, Jessie showed up at your apartment an hour later, sushi in hand.  

"Hi," she said with a warm smile as she stepped in, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you in for a kiss. Even though your reciprocation was delayed and mild, she pulled back and still smiled at you sweetly.

"Thank you for having me over. I got you an extra order of those dragon rolls you like," she announced as she walked further in and set the bag down on your kitchen counter. She started retrieving plates from your cupboards. You stood passively behind, watching her move through your apartment leisurely.  

"What can I grab you to drink?" She asked over her shoulder as she carried everything over to your table.  

"I'm fine. I have some water," you told her, feeling like your voice was disappointingly meek. You refocused a moment later and straightened, taking a step towards your fridge. "What can I get you?" 

"I've got it," she assured you lightly, holding up her hands, gesturing for you to relax. "I'll grab water. Take a seat. Dig in." 

You slowly made your way over to the table. Your eyes remained fixed on her as you sat down. By the time she took her seat, you hadn't even retrieved your chopsticks off the table. She held your gaze and took a sip of her drink. She set the glass down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.  

"I was going to dig into things after dinner, but I get the sense it's heavy on your mind, so, if you're okay with it maybe we can just talk right now." It was more of a statement than a question, but she did leave the door open for you to object. When you didn't, she stood up slightly and shuffled over with her chair to sit right in front of you, your knees nearly touching.  

"Is this okay?" She asked as she took your hands in hers. You gave a few faint nods and she offered you a small smile. "Okay. I guess I can start by clarifying – I didn't mean to sound curt or cold at all. I was in a rush and didn't think about how my words could come across via text. I'm glad you told me though, because now I know if there's something bigger going on I can approach things differently.

"If I don't have time to fully respond, would it be okay if I just tell you that I'm short on time but will answer you more later? And as part of that, tell you things are okay – I just want more time to give a full reply?" 

Your posture straightened and you blinked as you processed her words. It just felt so strange.  

"Y-yeah. That'd be totally fine." You shrugged before shutting your eyes and rethinking things. "But, that's silly. You don’t need to do that. I just should know and be able to not spiral." While you felt nervous and uncertain a few seconds ago, you now felt a wave of internal disappointment going through you. She brought you back to the moment by stroking the back of your hand with her thumb.  

"I can communicate more clearly and intentionally," she assured you gently. "And you don't have to 'just know' - you're not a mind reader." She paused, holding your gaze before visibly exhaling. "But that does make me wonder. Why do you feel like you have to be a mind reader?" 

You could almost feel yourself shrink under the weight of her question. You averted your gaze and could feel your hands starting to get clammy.  

"Hey," she said softly, urging you to look back at her as she lifted her hand and gently cupped your cheek. "It's okay. I don't want to push you, but, I feel like there's something more going on here, and...I care for you so much. I want to better understand. Better understand you, where you're coming from, and how I can be a better partner to you." 

You don't know what happened. All of a sudden you felt your face screw up as tears started to form in your eyes.  

"I'm sorry," you said, your voice coming out strained.  She shuffled in closer and cupped your face anew.  

"Hey, hey. Don't apologize. It's okay to cry. Take your time. I'm here." She caressed your hand and though you couldn't hold her gaze for long, you felt her caring eyes upon you. "You can talk whenever you like – if you like." 

A few stifled sobs snuck out of you and you rolled your eyes at your lack of composure. She waited patiently and laid a lingering kiss on your forehead. You took a few deep, steady breaths and began to speak. 

"I-I don’t know where that came from," you explained, forcing a mild laugh. She didn't return your laugh and you grew serious once more. "I," you spoke and your words faded. You took another quick breath and set your shoulders back. "I'm just not used to being treated like that. Like you did just now. And," your gaze flicked away out of guilt, "I don't know what to do with it. And I have a very hard time trusting it." 

Jessie pulled her hand away from your face to take your other hand again. "Okay. Um. Well, first off, I'm really sorry that you're not used to being treated that way. You deserve to be treated with respect and care." She exhaled quietly. "Can I ask how you're used to being treated?" She rushed to explain. "It's not really my business – and I don't want to open old wounds, but if I knew, it would help me ensure I don’t inadvertently make you feel that way again." 

You sighed wearily, blinking back new tears. "Well, I guess they're clearly not old wounds since they flared up again so easily." You pulled your hands back and brought them up to your temples. "I'm so sorry. This is such garbage that you're having to deal with this. I thought I was better." 

"Baby," she coaxed gently, placing her hands on your legs and leaning in slightly, hoping to catch your eye. "Please do not apologize. Your feelings are totally valid. And we all have our pasts, and we each have unique hurt and pain from our experiences. And some things are not easy to heal, and I think it's fair to say that in some cases, some things never do fully heal. But, I'm here to help you navigate anything you may be going through as best as possible. I'm here to care for you, not hinder you." 

You dug your fingers into your face briefly before dropping them to your lap with a breath that was half sigh, half laugh. You looked at Jessie, taking in her soft brown eyes that searched yours with compassion and sincerity. How did she choose you? 

"Oh my gosh." You sniffled. "No one's ever said anything like that to me. Certainly not my ex." 

Quiet realization dawned on Jessie's face before she settled back in, remaining focused on you. She waited wordlessly for you to go on. You scratched the back of your head briefly, eyes trained on the floor before you forced yourself to look up at her. 

"Remember how I said things with my ex were rocky at times? Well. That was putting it lightly, really." You took a breath. "She could be so affectionate and loving one moment – like I was the center of her universe, and then cold and cutting the next, like I was some burden she had the unfortunate task of dealing with. And she never meant what she actually said – I always had to read between the lines. She'd tell me things are fine, but," you laughed ruefully, "they were not. She'd be withholding, and curt, making passive aggressive remarks. But anytime I tried to address things or call her out, she would insist that it was just me and everything was fine.  

"That is, until we'd inevitably have a blow out of some kind, and she'd make it very clear that it was always my fault. That I was being difficult and if she was being cold or mean, it was to protect herself and it was my fault for making her feel or act that way. " 

Jessie let out a brief laugh of disbelief, looking at you in mild shock. "Are you serious? That's-" She caught herself mid-sentence, exhaling momentarily before continuing. "That's unacceptable. So she gaslit you and made you feel crazy." 

"All the time." 

Jessie sat back briefly, slapping a hand on her thigh as she shook her head. "Wow. That's so horrible." She leaned back in and grabbed your hands. "I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that. None of that sounds fair or right. That would've been so hard to navigate." You wiped at a stray tear and let out a short, bitter laugh.  

"It wasn't fun. And as you can see, it's royally messed me up." Your lip trembled. "And now you're dealing with the fallout. It's not fair to you." 

"Y/N." She said your name tenderly and gave you a reassuring smile. "There is no 'dealing' here – I...I really care for you. And I want you to know that you're safe. I want you to be open and honest with me anytime something bothers you or hurts you. I want to build you up and make sure you see yourself the way I see you." 

"See?" You asked, giving her a look. "I’m having a hard time reconciling these two experiences. Realities." 

Jessie sighed softly and nodded. "I can understand that. I can only imagine how hard it would be to be with someone who is supposed to care for you and have your best interests in mind, but they're unpredictable or inconsistent in their feelings and actions. It would be hard to adjust after being in a relationship where your partner shows up differently depending on the day. Or uses their affection as a weapon or a bartering tool." She sighed again and lifted your hand to kiss your knuckles before clasping your hand between hers. "I'm so sorry, babe. You didn't deserve any of that." 

You shook out your shoulders in an exaggerated shrug. "Except I thought I did for so long. And – I don’t know – I'm scared, I guess. She treated me so well at the beginning. And then over time things changed. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I didn't cause it in some way." 

Jessie gave you a frown of concern. "You didn't. I promise you that. Everyone is accountable for their own actions – you shouldn't take responsibility or blame for her behaviour. We can all get frustrated or upset with other people – it's inevitable, but that doesn't give someone the right to mistreat anyone else." She frowned further, her tone now lowering slightly. "And she's an adult – she should be able to express her wants or needs without playing mind games with you." 

You looked at Jessie, your eyes glistening with tears. You shook your head.  

"Why are you being so good to me?" You looked away, frowning as your own frustration bubbled up once more. "I'm not even mad about it these days. Because I can't change the past, and I learned a lot about myself, what I want, and what I won't put up with anymore. But the worst part is that despite how much work I've done and how far I've come – you're sitting here, being incredible, saying and doing everything I ever dreamed of and all I can think is how long is it going to last until you change." You went on adamantly.  "I know you're not her. At all. But, I've been burned before by someone who claimed to care. And apparently I can't seem to get over it."  

Rightfully or not, you expected Jessie to get frustrated with you or even insulted by what you said. Instead, she studied you quietly and eventually her expression softened even further and she gave you a faint smile. 

"You're right. I'm not her. And I hope I never meet her, because it breaks my heart to know that she hurt you so deeply. I really hope you know, or will know, that someone who loves you doesn't treat you the way she did."  

She took a small breath, readjusting her position in her chair and grabbing both of your hands again. She stared down at them and started to speak.  

"There's been something that I've wanted to tell you, but I haven't known when the right time would be." 

She looked to you with a soft smile.  

"I know someone who loves you doesn't treat you the way she did – I know that for sure - because I love you." She let the declaration hang in the air for a moment before continuing. "I love you. I have for a while now. Each day I wake up missing you if you're not next to me, and when I think of you I think of all the ways I want to love you – show you I love you. I want to make your life even better than it is today and do that for the rest of my life.  

"Today, even with just the thought that I'd hurt you or upset you, I wanted to see what was wrong, what I did and how I could fix it so we can move forward together. I wanted to know how I could make you feel better. And then learning that you maybe didn't feel safe – I 100% wanted to reassure you that you should always feel safe and comfortable to feel your emotions and express yourself. I would never want you to have to edit yourself or hide. 

"And I don't expect you to just 'get over' things. You are free to feel the way you feel, even if it means you can't fully trust that I'm being honest when I say these things. I hope you don't have to question these things forever, but I need you to know that I will always reassure you. And maybe even more importantly, that my actions will reflect my words." 

She gave a light shrug and continued, her voice now playful. "And if you didn't notice, I'm a very patient and tenacious person, and it just so happens I'm very set on loving you for as long as you'll let me." 

By the time Jessie finished speaking your lip was fully trembling and the tears were you fighting back were rolling down your cheeks. She was watching you calmly, waiting, and you covered your face with your hands. Your shoulders shook with a couple of soft sobs as you absorbed everything she just said.  

She rest her hands lightly on your legs and idly caressed your knee with her thumb while she waited.  

"Please don't hide," she coaxed gently. "Take your time, but you don't need to hide." A few moments passed and she added with a chuckle. "And I'm hoping those are good tears." 

You laughed through your tears and lowered your hands to give her a watery smile.  

"Of course they are," you told her, your voice thick with emotion. She cracked a smirk, sitting there so relaxed. You smiled further. Even if it didn't seem like it in the moment, being around Jessie always had a way of calming you and making you feel grounded. You launched forward and pulled her into a tight hug, which she readily returned with a soft laugh. She turned her head towards you to kiss the side of your head.  

"I love you, too," you whispered as you gave her a squeeze and she clutched you tighter. She pulled back enough to look at you and this time she had tears in her eyes as well.  

"You mean it?" She asked with a crooked and hopeful grin. You gave her a little disbelieving frown as you laughed.  

"Of course I do. Jessie, how could I not love you? You're everything I could ever want," you assured her. She leaned in and gave you a soft kiss.  

"I just want you to know that even though I said it, it doesn't mean you need to. If you aren't quite there yet, that's completely okay. I'm not leaving until you tell me to." 

You rolled your eyes in ongoing disbelief and gave a light shake of your head. "You can't be real." She scrunched up her face at you playfully and you leaned in, holding her face in your hands as you kissed her slow. "And for the record, I am very much in love with you." 

When you pulled out of the kiss, Jessie was beaming.  

"Then I'm a very lucky woman," she said decisively.  

[shinobus-unbreakable-spirit]

hello, I've read about your post about yoriichi's headcanons and I love them!

Just thinking can I request a headcanon about reader jealous about Yoriichi being pestered by another woman? and how would he react after finding out his s/o's jealous?

thank you!🌹

I'm so glad you loved them! ^^

You must certainly can request that, anon! That is a very interesting scenario.... Lets get into it!

You and Yoriichi lived a humble life. You would both go to work, and then come home to each other. Sure, sometimes people would hit on you, but you'd always tell them that you were taken. You were faithful to him and expected the same in return. No matter who hit on either of you, the other would be the first to know and the third party stood no chance of disrupting your romantic union, as you were two devoted people in love.

This was how things were and how you believed they always would be.

That was, until she showed up.

You always liked to watch Yoriichi walk home from work, on your comfy queen-sized mattress, gazing out of the window roughly fifteen minutes after his shift ended; seeing him walk briskly back to you just filled you with an inexplicable jubilation. However, about two weeks ago, you observed something horrifying: he started walking home with a despicably beautiful young woman who you had never seen before. Soft-spoken, he would never say much, so she did all of the talking.

Every day, the same thing would happen: you would stare out of your window after his shift, he and the woman would stop outside your house and say their goodbyes, then he would be home. He never said anything about the woman, which made you paranoid. Why didn't he ever speak of her? Was she his dirty little secret, something he was trying to hide? Was he cheating on you?

One day, you decided you couldn't hide your emotions anymore. You exclaimed how you felt dramatically, voice cracking due to all the feelings that had bottled up; you told him that you knew about the woman, that you wanted an explanation, and that you were worried about what this woman could mean to him.

After you were finally done, Yoriichi, calm as the gentle waves brushing against a rock, cupped your cheek lovingly and said these words:

"My love, it has been weeks and I still don't even know her name."

Your eyes widened. If he didn't know her name, that meant-

"She is nothing to me but a co-worker. In fact, I still don't even know why she wishes to follow me home after work, but people have their reasons. Perhaps she is simply afraid to walk alone." He explained, relaxed.

You felt a little embarrassed. This was the first time jealousy had ever been a factor in your relationship, and it was ultimately over nothing. "I-I'm sorry.. We've just built such an incredible relationship, and then I saw this new woman and I just-" you were stopped abruptly by a warm finger meeting your lips. That same silky hand then navigated down to your shoulder, massaging it calmingly.

"Please, you don't need to explain yourself, Y/N. I understand." You looked up and saw nothing but sincerity residing in his maroon stones. Immediately, you felt all of your embarrassment wash away. He saw no fault in you whatsoever, and if a woman that beautiful was really nothing to him, then your relationship had to be secure. It was clear to you in that moment he wanted you and only you.

Then, you kissed him firmly on the lips with burning passion for your beautiful man. He was a little taken aback, but relaxed into the kiss and even offered some initiative of his own, interlocking his tongue with yours. He cupped your face with his hands as you two continued to kiss.

He then whispered something in your ear, words you wished to capture in a jar and keep forever: "You are the only one for me, my dear... I beg of you to never forget that."

------

Ultimately, I believe Yoriichi is the kind to be very cool-headed in a situation like this. He wouldn't shame his S/O at all for experiencing jealousy, but would simply inform them of the truth, then comfort them after. I hope you liked this anon! <3

(NGL I kind of wrote this twice since the first time I accidentally deleted the entire thing HAHAHAHA I think it came out even better the second time though so perhaps it was a blessing in disguise?? anyways defffff had to harness my inner Yoriichi to not get mad when I deleted my first draft lolol)

[harrysmimi]

The Missing Co-writer

Synopsis: Harry doesn't feel to hide anymore

CW: Loads of fluff and sliver of a cute little drunkrry.

Series Masterlist | More of my work

Guess what?!

YN got an offer to write along with one of the most genius and know artist of her generation. Harry couldn't be more proud of his fiance!

Well, she took up on the offer just because how much she loved writing music with her Harry. He won Album of the year, for the album they both wrote together. Kinda. But there many songs he wrote with her which his fans love so much. That's what he wants, his fans to enjoy what he makes.

When Jeffery told YN about this offer she contemplated it like every life decision she has to make. Harry on the other hand was just so stubborn on getting her to agree on this because one, she loved to do it the first time around, two, she's got a fucking degree in music, and three, she get paid for it, which she so deserves. She didn't get paid it the first time around, well, she didn't wanted to.

She was there with him at the Grammy's, though she insisted on staying away from the cameras. Harry respected her decision to do so.

They had a great night afterwards at the after party. He introduced YN to all of his closest friends in the industry, the ones he knows would respect his privacy and not talk about this publicly.

But today, he missed her like hell!

He was at the Brit awards. Nominated for four of the categories. But his love was away to work on this new project she seemed so excited for.

He doesn't want to hold her back so, when he told her he was having a great time preparing for the award show... he lied. Whilst she wouldn't be able to make it back home in time, he doesn't want her to be lost and feel guilty for anything. He's sure she'll be watching him on the TV anyway. At the end, he gets to have her all to himself and celebrate all over again for achivement he got for the work they did together.

He asked Gemma to go with him, lile he did last time and she did agree. They were having a good time but he still missed his YN there. All three times he mentioned people who helped him write this album so special to his heart, he contemplated on mentioning her name. Not because he doesn't feel like he should or anything of the stupid reason, just because he wants to keep her protected so badly!

YN already got enough hate, even though people don't know her name, who she is, what she does, what she is like in person. No one deserves that.

Yes, he did kissed Lewis Capaldi drunkenly but he knows YN will be laughing more when they're reunited by in three days.

With a drink in his hand and his phone in the other, he made a treck to the bathroom. He wanted to call her and talk to her. He needed to.

One ring...

Two ring...

Three...

"Hello Hazza!" Her happy voice chirped through the call.

"Hi, baby." Harry smiled with his phone held upto his ear. He could hear the award show playing in the background from her side.

"I am so proud of you, Harry. Three put of four, and you got to kiss Lewis!" She gasped in pure joy. "Not gonna lie, Niall is going to be real mad at you and it did made a tiny bit jealous."

That earned a giggle from him, "I'm sorry about that. I miss you so much, I wish you were here with me baby." His voice wavered as his eyes got teary. "We did this together. For the first time, this is happening to me and couldn't be more proud of us. I wanted to call you up and say how much I love you. I fucking love you so much, YN. Without you this wouldn't have been possible. Thank you for being my muse and my rock throughout these years. I'm gonna need this till my heart stops pumping inside me chest. I know how right of s decision I made by asking you to marry me. I want you to know how I appreciate you for everything you do, even though I don't mention you tonight in any of my speeches. I just want to protect you."

"I know you do love me Harry," YN sighed on the other side. He was sure she's crying too by now, "I know you appreciate me, and you exactly know why. They say 'don't meet your heros', but I'm so fucking glad I did! I wish I was there with you too. You don't have to mention me any of your speeches to tell me how you about us. I'd have it just between you and I."

"I just don't want you to feel left out, my love. Because you're not." Harry sniffled. "Also, I don't want to hide anymore. I want to be able to hold you close and not worry about being photographed, and, and want to kiss you wherever we are. Want to brag about how amazing my love is! I truly do. But I want to protect you, you already get enough slack for choosing to stay by my side."

"I know but we can't control it, can we now?" He could hear her sniffle on the other side, "I want you to do what you want to. Not going to hold you back, we can get through anything and everything together, right?"

"Mhmm." He nodded to himself. "I love you so much."

"I love you so much!" She reciprocated, "now tell me the truth, you're crying because you're drunk right?"

"Hey!" He whined just to hear her soft giggles from the other side, "you're a meanie!"

"No, I'm not!" She teased him, "stay safe Hazza, I'll be home day after tomorrow."

"Mhmm, I'd stay longer and talk to you hut Jeffery is calling me now." He shared. "Maybe I'll skip the party later."

"No, I want you go. Please Harry?" She requested, "I don't want to skip on anything because pf me. You already don't go out when you're home."

"Okay." He sounded. "I love you!"

"I love you more." She chuckled. It was like almost the tenth time he's saying that to her.

"This is not a compitition but," he slurred, "I love you more!"

"Okay, you win."

"See it wasn't that hard to agree, was it?"

"Hmm, I think you would be in trouble as Jeffery is texting me to ask you to get off the call they're about to announce Album of The Year." She shared.

"Fuck! I should go." He sighed.

"Mhmm, I'll see you soon."

"See you baby, be safe okay?"

"You too, Harry." He could hear her smile through the phone, "and no, I wasn't going to admit, it's a fact I love you more. Bye!" And the call went dead before he could argue.

......................................................................

"And the winner is..." Stanley Tucci opened the envelope to announce the winner, "Harry Styles."

Harry was ecstatic. Hugging Gemma and fist bumping everyone on his way to the stage.

"There is literally no one I love more in this world than Stanley Tucci. Thank you very much!" Harry chuckled as he looked at his award and pauses for a moment, "umm... This uhh... This night has been really special to me and I will never forget. Thank you so much for the welcome home. I appreciate so much there is no place like home. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm so so proud to be an British Artist out there in the world, I'm so proud to be here tonight celebrating British Artists, British Music. Thank you, thank you, I'm going to hand it to Tom and Tyler. Thank you so much for this. I'm so grateful, thank you!"

Harry glanced at his friends who are also his co-writer on the album. But one of them was missing and it was bugging him so much. He took in a deep breath.

"I want to thank my missus, who, who uhh... has been a great support. She wrote this album with us too. I couldn't be more in love with or grateful to a person than I am to you. Thank you, thank you so much for being my muse and my rock through all these years. And... I love you!" He flashed a sheepish smile and blew a little kiss to the crowd before he walked down the stage.

......................................................................

"Harry you did not!" YN exclaimed the first thing after she entered through the door of their flat, dropping her bags on the floor.

"Yes I— owh!" He grabbed onto her tight as she launched on him with a bear hug. "Yes I did baby!"

"You won all four of them!" She celebrated, "I am so fucking happy for you," she placed a smoothering kiss on his mouth, "you deserve every bit of happiness and success out there. I'm so, so, so, so proud of you!"

"Thank you, darling." He chuckled at her excitement as he hugged her again, "I thought you were going to kill me for saying I love you to you on TV!" He pulled away to get another deserving kiss.

In her own words; he deserved every happiness in this world!

"I would be mad if you didn't." She rolled her eyes.

"Did you..." he sighed, "just rolled your eyes at me, baby?"

"Oh come on, I am so proud of you Harry!" She clung onto him like a Koala bear again.

No, she's just that short in front of him.

"I missed you!" He picked her up and waddled his way to the sofas so they can sit and talk.

"I missed you!" She reciprocated. "When did you get home after the after-party?"

"At five in the morning the next day." He smiled sheepishly as he sat both of them down, YN straddling gis lap.

"Look at you!" She playfully punched his arm. "No but seriously Harry, I do think you hold back to go out and have fun with your friends like you used to. You don't have to stay back just because I have the most boring personality ever!"

"Who said you have a boring personality?" He scoffed, "I'd rather stay home with you and teach Milo new trick, make some new recipe and make a disaster of out kitchen or just watch TV, or, wait for it... this one is my favourite: have sex." That earned a laugh from her, "Than go out and drink, torture my kidneys and have a hangover for next three days."

"Okay." She nodded.

"You did not install twitter on your phone again, right?" He asked.

"Nope." She assured him. Because she didn't.

"Good because ee don't even want to go there." He took in a breathe of relief. "We still need to plan more for our wedding though, don't we?"

"Mhmm!" She nodded. "You sure you want to go for The Savoy than your villa in Italy, or better Anne's backyard garden that she offered for us to use?"

"What's wrong with the hotel?"

"Haz, it's very expensive!"

"So is going to be the villa." Was his only argument.

"Well, no, you own it. And it's less expense. You can even make that money back, by putting it on for rent. For maybe a month or so, I'm sure." She suggested.

"What's wrong?" He could just read through her, "you know you can share it with me, baby. Is something bugging you.

"I don't know," she sighed, "I want to be an equal part on this. I'm saving up for when we get our new place. And everything adding up gets very expensive. On my side at least."

"Mm." He sounded and took his time to think.

Look, he does want to be a part this whole planning thing. The only thing he doesn't want disrupted is their wedding. The hotel provides more privacy, he can have his team sign and agreement with them. His mum's backyard garden and the Italian villa can be invaded. In fact his pictures were taken ages ago with a drown in his private property.

"We'll split it." He answered, "I don't want our special day be ruined by people invading our privacy. The villa isn't that... How do I put this? Safe enough for our privacy. I don't want to force you nor do I want to make you feel less. Just chip however much you can or we'll figure something else, yeah?"

"Hmm, I'll think about it." She nodded.

Milo jumped up on the sofa spooking his mother and making his dad laugh, meowing for attention. Harry has been a amazing cat dad since day one!

"Hello my love!" YN cooed and picked the little feline up. He started purring immediately.

"He's very fucking partial!" Harry gasped looking at the kitty. "He never comes upto me like this."

That just made YN laugh.

......................................................................

N O T E :

Pls lemme know how you liked this one.

And if you have any requests for THIS particular couple, I'm taking in requests.

......................................................................

Tag list:

@vrittivsanghavi @buckymydarlingangel @sweetwritingfanficfriend @theroosterswife24 @sleutherclaw @melllinaa @michellekstyles @sunshinemoonsposts @marialikescherries @japanchrry @onlyangelrain @supersanelyromantic @tenaciousperfectionunknown @haarrrys @originalsoulcollector @harrysgirl-1d @lomlhstyles @allthelovehes @im-an-overthinker

Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

[navybrat817]

Spoils of War

Pairing: Gladiator!Steve Rogers x Female Reader, mention of Dark Advisor!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: Steve gets a reward for a job well done and wishes he could have been with you under different circumstances. Word Count: Over 3k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, Noncon references (do NOT read if this upsets you), Dubcon elements (reader consents with Steve), vaginal unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), possessive behavior, dirty talk, talks of violence, captivity, servitude, dark themes, Steve Rogers (he's a warning, okay?) A/N: Here we go with The Arena! Please heed the warnings with each post for this AU as there will be dark elements throughout. Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Steve Rogers believed in doing the right thing. Even as a young boy, he didn't allow his small size to let bullies push him, or others, around. As long as he could get up, he would fight. He carried that idealism throughout his life. It was why he chose to work with S.H.I.E.L.D..

But he no longer fought for the greater good.

The cheers from the arena rang in his ears as he closed his eyes, the water from the showerhead washing the blood and grime away. It wouldn't take away the guilt that ate at his soul. He was meant to save people, not take their lives away. How was he reduced to being a puppet for the demented masses?

One day, he would be free.

Today, he would savor the spoils of war.

"You've done well, Captain Rogers. A prize is long overdue."

Steve dried off moments later and kept a towel around his waist as he waited for you. He didn't have to wait much longer. The cell door opened long enough to shove you inside, anger boiling in his gut when you almost fell to your knees.

"Break her and Barber will kill you," the guard threatened.

Andy Barber. His former colleague. Your master.

"Should I tell him you nearly made her fall on her face or do you want to do that yourself?"

The guard didn't respond, but had the decency to look afraid before he slammed the door and left the two of you alone.

Steve watched as you straightened up and carefully glanced around the room. The cell HYDRA kept him in was comfortable enough. A small bathroom, a nice bed, and a desk so he could draw. Charcoal only, as they didn't allow him to have anything he could use to harm them. They also refused to let him have a cell near Bucky, afraid they would conspire against the guards and break free.

Even if he did have a weapon with him, he wouldn't use it on you.

His prize.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asked, bringing your gaze toward him.

This was the first time he had seen up close since the day everything went to hell. You were still beautiful, but there was sorrow in your eyes that hadn't been there before. The lacy red and black lingerie set did little to cover you, so different from the office clothes he typically saw you in. He wondered if you shivered slightly from the cold or fear.

"Yes. Thank you, Captain," you answered, offering him a small smile as you made your way to the foot of the bed.

You still had the same smile.

"Don't call me that," he said harsher than he intended to. "I'm not your Captain anymore."

He failed as Captain America. HYDRA captured you, Bucky, and countless others because he hadn't taken them down. It seemed like they only referred to him by his title to taunt him. Was he ever worthy of the shield?

Your smile slipped away as you sat down and lowered your gaze. "I'm sorry, sir."

Steve immediately wanted to pull you into his arms and apologize. You weren't in his cell for more than two minutes and he took his frustration out on you. He hadn't meant to.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry for taking that tone with you. Steve or sir are both fine, sweetheart," he said, his towel slipping further down his hips as he walked toward you. "Or would you prefer I call you by your name?"

"You can call me whatever you want."

The words sounded rehearsed.

You looked up at him when his warm hand cradled your jaw, surprising him when you didn't recoil. He wondered what you saw as you looked into his eyes. A murderer? A monster?

"Why did you ask for me?" you asked.

"Because I was told I could have a reward for a job well done," he told you.

You narrowed your eyes. "Why me specifically?"

Rewards were typically in the form of a mistress since fighters couldn't ask for their freedom, or challenge anyone in charge to a battle. Mistresses were usually sent from the harem and not taken directly from one of the advisors or generals. It was only natural that you'd ask why.

"You belong to Andy Barber," he stated to gauge your reaction.

You flinched, your eyes flashing with something akin to offense and fury, but you didn't pull free from Steve's grasp. From what he gathered, you weren't a willing mistress to Andy. You knelt beside him at every match he could remember and never said a word. Advisors and Generals loved to show off their possessions. Requesting you as his prize for doing such a good job in the arena pissed Andy off, but he couldn't deny him.

A pet having power or sway over a master isn't allowed.

But unlike Andy, Steve's intentions weren't to harm or force himself on you.

If he thought for a moment that you were a willing participant in this, your reaction told him otherwise. "I don't belong to anyone."

"I wasn't trying to offend you," he promised, keeping his hand on you as he took a seat beside you. "How does he treat you?"

You hesitated before you answered. "Sometimes he fucks me like he loves me."

He ran a thumb across your cheek when a tear fell from your eye, rage surging through his veins. Even though you didn't bear any physical scars like him and the other fighters, you no doubt had wounds on the inside. Forced into sexual servitude would be enough to hurt the strongest of people. But the flicker of fire in your eyes, you still had some fight in you. It comforted him that they didn't break you.

"Did he do something to you? Is this some sort of payback?" you guessed.

"He did, but I didn't ask for you to get back at him," he said.

He wouldn't have asked for Andy's mistress if it was anyone other than you.

"I don't know why you're asking how he treats me. At the end of the day, I'm just his whore," you said, eying him warily. "And tonight, I'm yours."

He shook his head, bringing his other hand up to cup both cheeks. "You're not a whore."

He wished you could be his girl.

Maybe in another life.

"Then I don't understand why I'm here if you're not going to use me," you said, confusion filling your beautiful eyes. "I'm nobody."

"You worked on the 3rd floor," he said, tracing his finger along your bra strap when you gasped. "You had a cardigan on the back of your chair and the background on your computer matched whatever season we were in. You kept to yourself, but offered a small, kind smile whenever someone looked your way or jumped in to help without anyone asking. You were vital to S.H.I.E.L.D. and you're far from being a nobody."

You moved an inch closer and his gaze fell to your lips. "You knew me?" you asked in disbelief as he nodded. "I-I never thought anyone as high up as you would've noticed me."

"Of course, I did. I was just too stupid to say anything then," he replied, smiling sadly when he wiped another tear away.

Would it have made this situation better? Worse? Dwelling on "what if" would do more harm than good.

“So, you asked for me because you wanted to see me? You care?”

He let out a breath as he nodded. “I had to see for myself that you’re okay. Well, as okay as you can be given the circumstances,” he said.

There were so many things he wanted to say. That he was sorry a man like Andy ever got his hands on you. That he didn’t want you to give up hope. Why wouldn’t the words come out?

"I didn't think anyone cared," you said, lightly tracing a tiny scar on his arm. Something in your expression shifted from uncertainty to seductive as you leaned in closer. "But that shouldn't surprise me. You're a good man."

He placed a hand on your lips to stop you before you kissed him. Yes, he asked for you to be here, but he didn't want you to feel forced to do this. “No, sweetheart. I’m not going to use you.”

The point of his confession, or whatever he could call it, wasn't to make you give in to him. He needed you to know you did mean something to someone. You weren't alone in this.

“Is it using me if I’m offering?” you countered when he lowered his hand, giving you the chance to lean in to pepper his jaw with soft kisses. He didn’t stop you this time. “Unless you don’t want me.”

Steve wanted you. God, he wanted you, but he wouldn’t take from you the way Andy did. Even when you placed a hand on his thigh, your touch light and heavenly, he had to resist. HYDRA reduced him to a killer, he refused to sink any lower.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” you said, leaning back and reaching behind you to unhook your bra. He didn’t mean to groan when you took it off, but your breasts on display had his heart pounding against his ribs. Your nipples were hard and he hadn’t even properly touched you. “Like I said, you're a good man.”

Steve’s hands fell to your hips when you straddled him, his cock twitching beneath the towel. Was it wrong to give in if you wanted it? But did you actually want him? Were you acting on instinct? Orders?

“How am I a good man if I’m taking advantage of you?” he tried to argue when you pushed your hips down.

“You aren’t. You're giving me a choice and I'm choosing to give myself to you,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I want to forget even if it’s just for tonight.”

He wanted to forget, too. He didn’t want to see the blood that stained his shield or the life leaving the eyes of the bodies that fell. What he wouldn’t give to have a beer with Bucky after a mission gone well. Or take you out on a proper date.

“I’m your prize, Steve. So take it.”

The last shred of hesitation inside him snapped when he fastened his lips against yours. You went pliant against him, opening your mouth for him to take what he wanted. It wasn’t how he wanted your first kiss with him to be, but it made him dizzy nonetheless.

He didn’t break the kiss as he rolled you over, spreading you out on your back to slide in between your thighs. He swallowed down the small sound you made before he gave you both a chance to catch your breath. The sight of you gazing up at him made him lose his breath again.

“Please,” you whispered, shuddering as he moved his calloused hands up your legs.

He heard people beg before, but not like this. You would be his salvation. He hoped he could be yours, too.

Torn between kissing up your thighs or diving right in, he decided to dip a hand between your legs. You shivered again as he pressed his palm against the damp, flimsy fabric. “You’re wet,” he said in awe, gripping the underwear and tearing it away.

Your back arched, sending a shiver down his spine when he saw your eyes glaze over with lust. “For you, Steve.”

For him.

The slide of his first finger made him close his eyes. You were tight and warm and the clench around the digit alone was enough to make his cock twitch. He wondered if you ever got this wet for Andy. Did he prep you? Make you come?

“I’m supposed to take care of you,” you whined when he pushed another finger in.

“Are you my prize, sweetheart?” he asked, spreading and sliding his fingers in and out. He brought his other hand up to your breasts, not wanting to neglect them as he toyed with your pussy. "Are you giving yourself to me?"

“Yes,” you said breathlessly when he pinched a hardened bud, your walls tightening more by the time he added a third finger. “I am.”

“Then let me handle you as I see fit,” the slight command that came out was reminiscent of his days of being a Captain, the very thing he told you not to call him.

“Yes, Sir,” you whimpered, arching your back again when he removed his fingers.

He brought them to his mouth and licked each of them clean, savoring the sweet and tangy flavor of you on his tongue. If he was a better man, he’d take more time with you. Worship every inch of you until you sobbed and begged for more. Later, he’d indulge until all he knew was your taste. Your first orgasm though, he wanted on his cock.

He had to be inside you now.

You blinked and smiled as if you sensed his need. “I’m ready.”

Steve gripped the base of his cock as he settled between your legs. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine you were in his home. He refused to do so. This was the reality you were in and he had to make the most of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, silencing you with a kiss when you opened your mouth.

You gasped as he lined up with your entrance and slowly slid in. He almost stopped halfway through when you clenched hard around him, but his kisses relaxed you enough to let him in. He never felt anything as good as you and was sure he never would again. He was afraid he’d become addicted.

“I’m sorry, too,” you whispered back, sending shivers down his spine when you ran your fingers through his beard. “But it’s okay.”

He began to thrust, unable to take the tenderness in your eyes. In another life, he would’ve been worthy of that gaze and comfort. Now it was survival of the fittest.

“I won’t break,” you moaned, allowing him to take your wrists and pin them over your head. “You can fuck me how you need to.”

“What was it you said?” he asked, driving deeper into you to make you moan louder. “He fucks you like he loves you?”

You choked on your breath when you gazed up at him with fear in your eyes. You blinked it away before he could dwell on it. “Sometimes.”

“You haven’t been fucked by me before,” he grunted, taking your leg to wrap around his hip. “When I send him back to you, you’ll be dripping with me. He'll know you'll never truly be his."

A loud moan escaped when his grip on your wrists tightened, your hips rising to meet his thrusts as he fucked into you. It was easier than he thought to forget the horrors when he was buried inside you. What would he have to do to keep you for more than a night?

You squirmed when he slid his hand between your bodies and sought out your bundle of nerves. “You said you don’t belong to anyone, but here with me, you’re mine,” he said, circling your clit with his thumb. The whine he got in response was otherworldly. “Say it.”

“I’m yours,” you moaned, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.

He wanted to believe it.

“Again,” he gritted. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours. I’m yours!”

Your eyes widened when you quivered around him, a gush of wetness flowing around his cock as you cried out. The orgasm seemed to take you by surprise, but he kept up his pace to ride it out. He hoped it would be the first of many. Your face twisted in pleasure was almost enough to send him over the edge.

“Please, Steve,” you moaned brokenly, lying bonelessly beneath him as he buried his face in your neck.

Steve couldn’t resist when you begged so beautifully, letting out a broken sound of his own as he spilled into you. The release had him panting against your skin as finished, trying to remember the last time he experienced ecstasy like that. He desperately tried to hang on, not wanting it to end for either of you.

He pushed himself up to look at you, but didn't pull out, a sense of pride filling him at your fucked out expression. Releasing your wrists, he brought your hands up to wrap around him. He wasn’t expecting to need the comforting touch, but he had to feel your hands on him after what you shared.

Silence stretched on as snuggled close and he thought for a moment that you drifted off when you stayed quiet.

“I don’t want to send you back in the morning,” he admitted, tilting your chin so you'd look at him.

You quietly sniffled as you turned away. “I don’t either, but you have to. Andy is furious enough as it is."

He pulled you in for a hug when you trembled. He wanted to choke the life out of Andy himself. Maybe HYDRA had made him a monster.

“Maybe you can't stay here permanently, but I’ll ask for you again after my next match. I promise.”

He didn’t want you around Andy longer than you had to be.

“So, we meet up after your fights and allow ourselves to keep forgetting? You go back into the fight and I go back to the Advisor quarters?” you asked, your eyes shining as he let you rest against the mattress.

He tilted his head as he studied your face. The blissful expression had determination underneath. Both of you wanted to get out of here, like everyone else. With your position, maybe you could use it to your, and his, advantage.

“I’m a fighter. You’re the mistress of an advisor. I’m sure we can forget and find other uses for our time together,” he said carefully, in case he was reading you incorrectly. “What do you say?”

The smile you gave him was hopeful. “I'm in."

Oh, you don't think it'll be that easy, do you? Not if Andy has his way. 😏 Love and thanks! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Steve Rogers Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[xatsperesso]

What if the boys know mc before going to rad?

It was 3 AM

Of course it was 3 am

I was just in the kitchen making myself a sandwich to avoid the existential crisis that's waiting to happen

And i do my lil-not-safe-around-knives-habit of closing my eyes and kinda doing things blindly when im tired. Then i saw a flash of light through my closed eyelids

That was the first time.

I open my eyes quickly and immediately see a chest

That is not my fluffy white cat's chest. That's a man

My eyes squint at the chest in front of me before looking for the head. It was fluffy orange head staring at my plate. The sandwich i blindly made using way too much cheese, pickles and tomatoes even though i dont like tomatoes.

I give the guy my sandwich

He smiles at me, gulps it then disappears

I really need to sleep. It's not funny anymore

--

The second time it's happened I was lounging in my living room enjoying a lazy day with my cat. Just scrolling through the tv, trying to find anything-

Ahem

I whip my head around and see green impatient eyes looking down at me.

"Did you summon me here to just stare or do you have a reason?" He glares at me

I stare back

He starts getting angry

I raise my cat's head as a peace offering

He looks at the cat, no anger could be seen and starts to pet it. I imagined the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Is that all?" I nod

"You're sacrificing this cat to me?" I pull my cat closer, profusely shaking my head.

He looks annoyed but he disappears like the first one

This isn't a one time thing

Dammit, i need to deal with this

--

It's taken me a couple of sleepless nights and endless research, but that's probably what i need to do.

I light the candles around the scripts, try my best to pronounce the words correctly, and wait as smoke encases the room.

"You are in the presence of The Great Solomon. Tell me, young sorcerer, why-" i grab his black robe and stare dead in his eyes

"Is talking to demons dangerous?? Will they steal my voice???" I ask as my voice wobbles, tears threatening to fall

"It's just that last time he was talking to me and i was afraid cause this has never happened to me before but it felt so rude not to answer when he started asking me and it was like he was judging me and-"

"Woah woah, calm down! Demons cant steal voices unless it's in the contract" I stare at his awkward, uncomfortable smile trying to find any signs of lies

"Thank fuck" I let out the hugest sigh of relief, and let go of the sorcerer "I sorry, this has been stressing me out but i shouldn't have grabbed you like that. Tea?"

"Yes, thank you, and it’s alright. This is why i made it possible for magicians to summon me. I take it that you've been summoning demons lately?"

"Nah, they just sorta appear out of nowhere"

He blinks at me

I blink at him

"What-"

--

I was engrossed in the horror movie. The music was getting louder. They were hiding from the it. they were running. One of them tripped cause of course they have to trip. The music is so loud now. They barely manage to hide-

"I, THE GREAT MAM-" I scream so loud the white haired demon gets startled.

"O-OI! What’s yo de-" screams from the tv interrupts him as the character got dragged by that-that thing and it started torturing them for fun-

Lots of screams, huddles, and complaints were heard that day

--

"Gosh, i wish they weren't so busy today" I sighed as i continued playing mario carts alone "i really wanna kick someone's ass"

Just say the word and god will deliver

The light appeared once again, and out came a blue haired demon and-ohmylord is that a tail!

Thank whoever keeps summoning them, now my boredom will cease to exist

"Ugh, why did you have to summon me now, normie"

...Ya know, maybe im not that bored

Still, i pick the extra controller and toss it at him. He caught it with his tail (damn i want a tail)

"Wha-! Don't just throw controllers-"

"Wanna play? I bet I'm gonna win"

The demon stared at me for a second, looked at the tv to see the mario cart game. He seemed tempted

"Tch, I'm not gonna lose to some normie" he plopped down besides me and chose a character

...I'm gonna decimate him

--

"Hah! Noob"

"Shut up! You must be cheating!"

--

My cat gave me something

This was the first time

I was not ready

A red-head suddenly appeared in the living room

He looked mildly confused, but was smiling nonetheless. He looked ready to say something, probably cheerful.

I burst out crying

That made him panic, and that's probably when he noticed the blood in my hands

My cat gave me a headless bird, and that left me shaken

Somehow, he ended up cradling my hysteric form as i cried

After i calmed down and thanked him for trying to comfort me, he said it was nothing and left

He looked very confused the whole time

--

Halloween was around the corner, and i decided I'm aiming for traumatizing people.

i took out my make-up, pulled up a 5 minutes craft video, and tried my best to imitate.

turns out im very good at make-up. it looked like someone cut up my face and blood was oozing out!

of course, a demon had to show up now of all times

i look at the light, and the demon comes out of it twirling like a ballerina.

he seems like a weird guy

"You've summoned me, Asmo-oh my! you're hurt. sorry, but I'm not really fit for this kind of things" he said, eyeing me up and down "unless you have a good payment for it~"

"...ignoring that, I'm not actually hurt. This is just make-up!"

"Oooh! That is pretty good, would fooled anyone! but it's not cute at all. let me show you how to look hella cute" he comes close, nabbing a make-up sponge out of nowhere

"W-wait! I'm doing this for halloween!! I want to look scary!" He grabs the makeup remover and grabs my face

"C'mon, sweetheart, scary is overrated! Just let Asmodeus take care of it~"

--

Once again, it is 3 am. I need a better sleeping schedule.

I'm in the kitchen making some hot chocolate, when he came. In all his grumpy glory holding a pillow.

"Dammit, what the fuck do you want, human"

Oh

His voice was laced with malice

His eyes stared me down with hatred

He was murderous

I need to be careful around this one

...but

It's 3 am. I'm tired. Too tired to deal with this shit.

I return to my hot chocolate on the stove "want some hot coaco?" He squinted at me, warily

Fair. I'm a stranger after all

"What kind of ploy-"

"Just hot chocolate" i grab more milk, more choco. Maybe I'll add more marshmallows too "I'm planning to drink some at the roof. The stars look bright tonight. Wanna join?"

He was still untrutsful, he was still wary, but when i put a cup im front of him and headed upstairs, he followed.

He just sat quietly, i tried my best to not look at him a lot, try making him feel safe.

It was nice. We didn't talk, we stayed far away from each other. He left his cup for me to clean.

But it was nice

--

Shit shit shitshitshitshi-

That's all i can think of as i scramble to get on top of the table. Im so not fit for this

A light, my savior, appeared leaving behind green haired demon

Yes, he's gonna-and he's already on top of the fridge, staring in fear

"WHAT Are you doing?!" I screamed cause what the fuck??

"You must have Misunderstood something. I am not to be summoned for such things"

"... WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF YOU HAVING ALL THIS DEMONIC POWERS IF YOU'RE SCARED OF A FUCKING RAT"

"May I remind you that you too-"

Meow

"*Gasp*, Satan!" I yelled in relief as my fluffy hero came and chased the mouse out of the room

"Pfft"

"You got a problem with my kitty?" I grumbled, getting off the table on shaky legs to get tan-tan, my hero, some treats and cuddles

Unlike a certain someone who's still on top of the fridge

"Not at all, it just reminds me of someone" he hopped off the fridge and came to give my kitty a few pet

I smiled. Seems like demons like cats.

Or maybe satan is a demon cat

"if that's all, i will be going then. I still have duties to finish"

And just like that, he vanished.

Squeak

Oh. Right.

The mouse is still in the house somewhere

--

Alright, time to work

I'm sitting cross-legged, tablet on my thighs, stylus in my hand and trying figure out how hair works

"Ah. Where...am i?" He asks, looking very confused

A bright light, much brighter than any other appeared, and the person who came out of it seemed to glow

That's a first

"You're in my house. You don’t..look like a demon?? Sorry if that..offends you?"

"Don't worry, I'm not offended at all" he waved his hand dismissively "I'm not a demon, though. I'm an angel. Were you trying to summon a demon?"

"No, they actually just suddenly appear around me. I didn't know this could happen to an angel"

"Well, i didn't know an angel could be summoned" he looked kinda dazed

Im not sure what to do

"Are you..okay?" He looked at me for a moment, a soft smile plastered on his face

"No"

"...do you, want to drink something? I could fix you some coffee"

"Yes, that would be delightful. Thank you" he slowly dropped to the ground, staring at a spot on the wall

It was very awkward until he realised he could just leave

I think he's got an existential crisis to deal with

--

This time I didn’t see a bright light, i heard a 10 year-old scream

I ran out of the kitchen, an egg still in my hand to see who the fuck is screaming in my living room

Lo and behold, it was a 10 year old

"Wh-where am i?! Why am i here?! Did-did you do this??!" The kid was near tears at that point

"Hey, hey hey, calm down" i slowly drop to my knees "it's alright, buddy. i know suddenly being transported here is very scary. Is this your first time?"

"Alright, thank you for telling me," he's glowing like the other angel. An angel too? "You're in my house right now. Do you know how to do magic? Like teleports and stuff? So you can get back home?"

"Y-yes" he's still near tears. He’s also far away from me, untrusting, but he's not screaming. I call that a success

He sniffs, then lowers the arms that were shielding him

"No, b-but I'm sure simeon will know that I'm here and will come get me!"

"That's great! But it might take him a while to figure out where you are. Do you wanna help me make some cupcakes until then? You'll of course take some home with you" he brightened up at that. So cute

"Y-yes! What kind of cupcakes are we making? Is that the kitchen? I happen to have these ingredients that are from the celestial realm and will make the cupcakes taste better!"

I smiled as i entered the kitchen behind him. He's so cute

"Seems like you know how to bake"

"Of course! I love baking things, and all the angels say that my baking is good! Don't worry, with me here your cupcakes will be the best cupcakes you've ever tasted! Simeon says that-" and like that he's taken over my batter and started adding stuff to it, only needing my assistance when something is on a higher shelf

An hour later, the same angel from before ("Simeon, look! We made cupcakes! Want one?) Came and took the lil' guy ("what's your name? I'm luke!") Away, promising him that he can have more play dates with me when I'm free

The guy, Simeon, looked like ge has yet to recover from his existential crisis

--

And just like that, the demons and angels kept being coming

"Oi, you will not believe how much money this scheme got me-"

And going

"Sorryy, but i gotta go now. How about we go to that centre next time?"

They kept coming with their antics

"Hah! Noob"

"At least not a normie anymore"

With their surprises

"What do you mean you're the prince of devildom? How the fuck do you keep ending up here?? Aren't you supposed to be the hardest to summon???"

With their favors

"MC! I am so happy i got here I've just found a new recipe in this book can we try it??"

With their worries

"My twin has been acting weird. He’s less objecting of lucifers plans, but its..very strange? and of coming out of nowhere"

Some still get shaken whenever they come

"Oh. I'm here again. I, thought it was gonna be that one time. Ha ha."

"...how about you sit down. On the couch this time"

And some decide to leave the second they see my face

"Oh, my apologies, but i must-"

"You will sit your ass down and you will drink the tea i make you or i swear i will-"

...Some have found out my address and just decided to make my house theirs

"Hey, apprentice! How about we learn how to-"

"Solomon, we've trained for 5 damn hours yesterday. I'm not uttering a single spell until I, at the very least, eat some damned breakfast"

I started learning more about them

"You named your cat after me?!"

"Your name is satan?!"

I started seeing them grow more comfortable around me

"I don't like humans, but, maybe not all humans are bad"

"...that sound kinda racist-"

"You know what I mean"

Months passed by, and I'm pretty sure i became close with all of them

Until the unimaginable happened

I got summoned

In a flash of light, i was somewhere else wearing different clothes(do their clothes also change?) I looked around to see-

"Guys!!" I screamed happily, it's always fun being around them

"MC!!" They screamed, their enthusiasm matching mine, but they all suddenly froze

"Wait, you know mc??" They turned to each other very confused, and suddenly questions were thrown, their voices growing louder and louder, and im just looking at them contemplating whether to break up the fight that will inevitably star-

"Silence!" A black haired demon suddenly yelled, and everyone stopped yelling "how do you all know of this human?"

Everyone stared at him, gears turning in their minds.

"LoL, Lucifer's the only one who doesn't MC"

They all joined forces (except for beel, the sweetheart) to tease black hair( Lucifer?) Over not being summoned before

"...are they always this loud?" I turn to Barbatos, who's looking very amused

"Yes, they've always been like this"

"Did you really never meet Lucifer, mc?"

"Ive heard of him. They always complain about him, especially satan and belphie"

"Well, worry not! I'd be more than glad to tell you all about Lucifer! I know the most about him, as he's my right hand man after all"

"...I thought you were talking about Barbs, your literal butler. The same guy who's taken care of since you were a baby" i heard a sigh from the greenette beside me

"One can only dream"

-- *bonus*

Knock knock

I looked at the door tiredly. Why would they willingly come to me at 1 am

still, I get up to open the door, and behind it was no other than Lucifer.

Weird, i could've sworn he was trying to avoid me all day

"Ahem, i apologise for disturbing you at this late hour. May i talk to you for a moment?" I let him into my room, then plop myself on one of the cushions on the floor.

He looked at me hesitantly

"You dont have to sit on the floor. There are chairs over there if you want" i say, but he shakes his head. He then attempts to, very awkwardly, sit on a cushion on the floor

Alright then

"So, what do you want to talk about" he looks out of his depth. Like he doesn't know what to say

Fair. No one knows how to talk properly at 1 am, and he looks like he'd rather get a seizure than talk in anything less than formal.

So I just accepted that this might take a while, and started playing with a rubiks cube satan gave me

I hate this cube

After a long moment of lucifer staring at me, he sighed

"I heard that you're the reason belphegor's..views on humans have changed"

"I guess that's what happened? I'm not really sure I'm the reason though. All I've done is give him some drinks or food, lend him my bed and occasionally talk to him. I didn't even try to change anything" i scratched my neck. This is somehow more awkward than Simeon's first visit

"Nonetheless, you were a big reason for what my brother's change, and I've noticed some changes in my other siblings. Positive changes."

"Well, it's nice knowing that I'm a good influence?" I really want him to just get over it. It's late and he's in my room and it's just very awkward

He looks at me for a moment, open his mouth to say-

"For fuck’s sake, Lucifer, just thank them already"

"Belphie! What are you doing in the exchange student's bed?" He asks very accusatory, as if he's not in the 'exchange student's' room so late into the night

"He’s been passed out there since dinner"

"And where were you planning on sleeping tonight" that's a trick question that i know the answer to

"LoL what's sleep" and i instantly regret saying that. That was not the right answer. His face is screaming it

"Just stay out of trouble, human" he gets up and goes to leave the room

He stops at the door way, and looks me in the eye

"Continue being a good influence on my brothers" then he closed the door behind him

"Don't worry," belphie yawns in his pillow " he's just like that. I'm sure you're be able to turn him around"

"Just make sure not to capture his heart too" he mumbled as he went back into deep slumber

Hah. Don't worry belphie

There's no way someone could like me in that way

I continue tinkering with the cube, solving it a couple of time, forget how to solve the xube and get frustrated, and before I knew it the sun was up again

Another day of trying to survive the boys' shenanigans

And I cant help but smile at that

[fuck-customers]

🌠 I have a fun story. Some of this was filled in by a relative of mine who works upper management.

Where I work, we have this employee. She's a bit of a jack-of-all trades but seems to choose to stay on the bottom rungs, since she'd honestly not thrive in higher management positions. I'll call her X. X is pretty introverted, quiet, kind and above all, willing to help.

Our door greeter has some hang-ups and inconsideration they won't work through, so they call out very often. (Boss won't fire them because they are elderly.) X was always the first to offer to take their shift. Did our forklift guys need a spotter? (The guy they used to have walked out one day.) X is on it, no questions asked. Does a customer need an employee to help them shop? X is there! X has covered more of my shifts than I can count, due to personal life issues.

A lifesaver and a sweetheart. We all were inspired by her and also branched out to help, sometimes.

Despite how nice she is, X takes bullshit form no one. One day, one of our main supervisors got a position changed and some asshole took their place. This asshole seemed to hinge a lot of their projected success on what they perceived as X's submissiveness. Well, X felt disrespected by every interaction, it seemed. She always denied this jerk.

He'd demand X do something. "I'm sorry, that is not within my responsibilities as a cashier. If my responsibilities have changed, I would like to see a notarized and documented form that bares my signature before I take on other tasks." Honestly, to-a-T, brutal compliance of business shenanigans.

Well, Jerk got mad she stopped being so complicit and, one day, confronted her on her "behavior." Other employees, myself included, recorded him yelling at her while she looked unmoved and unbothered. When he was done, he shouted. "You do all of this for anyone else! Why not me?"

X was quiet for a long time. "You didn't treat me like a person when you bullied me in high school, and you still don't now. So why would I?"

Y'ALL, I WAS FLOORED. He was her high school bully and her revenge was not doing anything beyond her contracted job to help him, KNOWING HIS SUCCESS HINGED HEAVILY ON HER.

He was about to snap again, but saw we had cameras pointed at him. His face was red, he looked like he realized something.

"I don't remember that."

"Yes you do. Leave me alone, please."

Then, he didn't ask her to do anything. When he's wasn't scheduled, she goes above and beyond. But X didn't do a god damn thing for Jerk. He couldn't look her in the eye anymore. And honestly, good for her. Our store will never fire her; she knows too much and is too helpful, and she's the highest paid cashier after all her raises and such.

His "projected" productivity suffered since all of his promotional promises hinged on the cashiers being willing to help him with tasks outside of their job. We'd help if X did. She stopped so we did, too. One day he stopped showing up as our supervisor. Our new supervisor told us he'd taken another position.

X is a badass.

She eventually quit and took up her true passion, which was coding and programming. I still text her and we play Balder's Gate together. I love her to bits. She even said she'd teach me some code stuff and see if I can't work with her and her company... Wish me luck!

Posted by admin Rodney.

[jacaerysgf]

Flowers | The Series | Chapter Four | Worries, Worries, and Worries

Summary | After a brief yet meaningful conversation with daemon, jacaerys has only one goal in mind. You

Pairing | Jacaerys Velaryon x Fem!Reader

Warnings | non canon house dunn (obv), Jacaerys is obvious to the gossip of the ladies, not proofread

Word count | 1.4k

a/n: as an apology for my delayed chapter release I'm releasing chapter five soon after this so i hope you enjoy the double post!

Series Masterlist

Daemon walked with jacaerys to the garden he began to speak without turning to him, "House dunn while being a minor house resides on some of the most vast flower lands in the reach." Jacaerys turns his head towards him, confused. "All the major or minor houses don't realize that any flower display of basket they get most likely was supplied from the fields of house dunn. Did you know that the rose bushes in the keep were supplied by house dunn many years ago." It's not a question more so a statement and all jacaerys can do is stare at him.

"I'm sorry I'm a little confused, why are you-" "I've always felt it's important to pursue what you want." Daemon finally turns to him, "i was….. forced into marrying young. Like you. I'd rather you have a better marriage than mine was."

Jace had heard bits and pieces about Daemon's first marriage, how he was sent away from the keep very young to marry an older lady in the vale. He realized what daemon was saying, "Thank you…" He placed a hand on his head before walking away.

Jacaerys didn't even realize they had made it to the door in front of the garden. He could hear the chatter of many ladies and lords but now there was only one he wanted to talk to. As he entered the garden many people greeted him and he donned a fake grin and he scanned the crowd.

There you are, also looking at him and he feels a real smile grow on his face. He should go greet you, it would only be polite. He moves towards you, greeting people along the way but he notices you walking away with the older man on your arm.

He feels himself getting irritated, why are you moving away? Before he could think anymore his brother tapped on his arm, "You're looking rather angry brother." He looks at him in shock, is it really showing in his face? Lucerys eyes you and he begins to laugh, "Are you yet to greet her brother?" He gives lucerys a blank look, "I have no clue what you speak of. I have been busy greeting many guests. Is there someone in particular you mean."

Lucerys pouts, "Don't be like that jace." Lucerys thinks before his eyes light up, "I have an idea." Oh no. Lucerys gives him a mischievous grin, "You continue to greet guests, I shall bring her to you, then you two can be alone ." "What-" before he can ask lucerys is already off on his way to follow you and the old lord.

Maybe this isn't so bad, he does want to talk to you. Jacaerys continues to make rounds continuing to look around looking for his brother and the beautiful girl that wont leave his mind.

There you are, on his brother's arm and he greets you. The color you wear now suits you well, its longer dress hitting your ankles, it's clearly an older dress not made for you but it suits you so well it doesn't matter to him. There's a look of reluctance on your face that he wishes would disappear as he offers you his arm, he admires you from the corner of his eye while you four walk. Lucerys soon leaves, taking Joffrey with him and he's finally alone with you. He asks you about the garden and he notes your eyes light up when he asks you, you clearly enjoy flowers. There's a small silence that feels you as he deliberates what to ask you, there's a nagging voice wanting to ask you a million questions about flowers to quench his years of curiosity regarding flowers.

As he builds up the courage to ask you to get interrupted and you leave quicker than he can blink. He felt a small ache in his stomach as he watched you leave, “Oh I'm sorry, I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.” Cassandra quickly tries to get his full attention, with fake concern, but he is not fully there and doesn't notice the fakeness in her tone. “No of course not lady cassandra.” Her smile grows and he feels a little sick looking at her overly happy face, “Then would you mind accompanying me around the garden, it's so large and I fear I may get lost.” His mood sours, all he wishes to do is find you but he knows that this whole event is being thrown for him and he needs to give everyone a fair chance.

The two begin to walk and he engages in conversation with her, his mind drifting back to you and wondering where you could be as he scans the open area and not seeing you. Clearly he wasn't alone in these thoughts, “I thought I told you to watch her.” “I was!” “Then where is she?!?!” he hears the loud whispers of your parents, he leads cassandra towards them and her face sours. “Is something the matter?” Your mother turns to him in a shock while your father has a more content look on his face. “Of course not my prince-” “Have you seen my daughter it appears she ran off somewhere after walking around with prince lucerys?” Your mother gives him a fierce glare at your fathers honesty. Worry fills him as he stares at the two of them his face turning grim, “I was accompanying her and showing her around the garden, she soon left and i have not seen her since,” the look on her mothers face sours though he does not comment on this, “i have not seen her since i apologize.”

Cassandra was clearly not happy about standing there listening to this and her face makes that clear but he can't be worried about that when all he can worry about is you. It's easy to get lost in the garden, he had plenty of times as a kid. “I can go look for her-” “You shouldn't my prince we don't wish to worry you-” “I know this garden like the back of my hand, it is not an issue to me, plus i wish to know that she- i wish to keep all my guests safe of course.” It's easy to almost let his words slip but he catches himself.

He turns to lady cassandra whose face is sour and clearly upset, “I'm sorry my lady but I must go.” She frowns and sighs, “Of course my prince.” She turns to leave, “I shall own you a dance tonight as an apology.” Her face brightens up and she smiles, “Of course my prince I would love to.” He walks off barely caring about her reply and searches for you.

He roams around the garden and skillfully avoids all the people who wish to stop him with polite words and smiles as his eyes frantically search around for you, soon enough he sees you laying on the ground and all he can think is the worst as he calls you names and rushes over almost tripping. As he realizes you're alright he feels like he can breathe again. A genuine smile graces his face and it feels nice after all the fake ones he’s given all day. Once you are all, all he can do is stare at you in wonder as your disheveled look as you brush yourself off, he thinks you look gorgeous. You two begin to walk as he feels the question he’s been longing to ask burning on his tongue. What if you think him to be strange, a man liking flowers is odd, unheard of. He doesn't want you to think he’s strange, especially since everyone probably already does this would only make it worse.

Yet he asks and he’s so happy he does, you seem so happy to talk about flowers and all he can do is stare as you rant about them, he loves the glow that shines in your eyes as you tell your story, he loves your laugh, it sounding better than any melody he’s heard. He laughs along with you. As the conversation falls flat he wishes to continue and attempt to come up with something else but he comes up short. You two are soon interrupted again and in fear you may run away again he tries to tighten his hold on you yet it does not work as you slip away from him once again and all he can do is stare at your retreating form. He turns back to the girl who has a satisfied smile on his face and he rolls his shoulders before greeting her. What a long day this will be.

[itsscromp]

Maybe some angst where Rocket has a breakdown/panic attack and reader (gender neutral) comforts him. He opens up with them and let them pet him for the first time.

I got you…

Awww, I have had so many thoughts on something like this for the past year, I love it so much. Also a perfect GIF for this story. Word count:721

You noticed Rocket has been a bit off throughout the entire mission, Usually, you two would be engaging in playful bantering. But for this you didn't know what was wrong with him, He looked more on edge. More alert than ever before.

But what happened was Rocket was beginning to have flashbacks about his time with you know who, He had a nightmare last night which began to trigger flashbacks throughout the entire day and mission. But at the moment, the mission was more important so he started to bottle it up.

"You ok buddy ??" You asked gently.

"Yeah, I'm ok humie, come on, the recon should be nearby" He then began to run on all fours to get to it.

"Hey wait up !!" You ran to follow him, you could never seem to be able to keep up with him when he runs on all fours.

But as Rocket was running, the flashbacks continued to roll in his mind harder, even running triggered his memories of his escape from counter earth. How he wished he could get rid of those memories. But they were stuck with him.

When you two managed to find the recon, he was more and more quiet than before, Making you grow more and more worried, You began to take the recon back to the ship and began to decode it, But while you were decoding it, Rocket tried to distract himself by doing one thing that he loved to do, Building bombs.

But even that was not enough to trigger his memories again, He could hear all of them, The voices, The surgical instruments. Everything.

"Stop stop MAKE IT FLARKING STOP !!!!" He dropped what he was doing as his breathing fastened and was on the verge of tears. You then heard his screaming and rushed over to him.

"Hey hey... It's me... Rocket what's wrong ??" You said gently as you gave him some distance.

"I keep hearing it, it won't go away... It wont go away" He started to shake violently.

"Rocket, Look at me" You took a deep breath, encouraging him to follow.

He didn't for a little bit but then followed along. Taking shallow shaky deep breaths. "That's it you're doing great, Keep going" You continued to take deep breaths as he followed along.

After about a minute, he began to calm down before slowly sitting up. "Do you need a hug ??" You offered him, You knew that Rocket did not like any form of physical contact, but you knew he needed it when he needed it most. So he gently nodded, crawling to you and leaning his head against your chest, you softly wrapped your arms around him and gently rubbed his back. "Do... do you wanna talk about it ??" You offered.

He took a big deep breath and then began. "I keep... seeing them... Hearing them, I keep having flashbacks... about you know who" He sniffled as you gently rocked him. "I had a nightmare last night where I was back in that... damn place... It caused the flashbacks to come back..." His breathing picked up again before you gently rubbed his back.

"Shhhhh, It's ok rocket... It's all over... your not there anymore, we got you, I got you now" You softly said.

He nodded softly as he relished in your comforting words and felt safe in your arms, Without thinking, you began to pet him, You quickly realised what you were doing and retracted your hand. "Sorry"

"I...It's ok pal... You... can keep doing that, Normally rocket wouldn't say that. He also hated being petted, it was his number one rule. But in a sense, this was you, you wouldn't do anything to harm him.

Placing your hand back between his ears, you gently began to stroke his fur, over time, the shaking stopped as he melted into the touch and leant into your warmth. Feeling comforted, safe and relaxed. "Just don't tell anyone about this ok ??" He softly said.

"Ok, Mr Macho raccoon" You mocked a deep voice before giggling, which made him chuckle. "At least you get the memo"

The two just stayed there in each other's company, not once moving. Rocket was glad to have a friend like you in times of need. You would always have his back.

Taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

[naturesapphic]

Could you do an Olivia Benson/daughter reader or Olivia Benson/ (romantic) reader? The topic being ED if you're comfortable with it! Maybe Olivia catches on a little late that y/ns been restricting/falling into an eating disorder and confronts/comforts them about it!!

If you don't write for a Olivia Lorraine Warren would be okay too, I'm just asking for a comfort fic🥹

- ⭐

“You are beautiful to me”

Olivia benson x fem!reader

Warnings: talks of eating disorders, comfort/fluff

These past few months have been extremely difficult. A lot has been going on and I don’t know why but I’m falling back into old habits again. I haven’t been eating or drinking a lot, it’s just been too difficult for me too. I have no desire to eat or to drink, the thought of it makes me nauseous and upset. Of course I’ll eat little things here and there but never really a full course meal like before. I’m sure that my girlfriend has noticed, I mean, she is the captain of the svu squad. She hasn’t said anything to me yet about it which I have mixed feelings about. I want her to know what’s wrong without having to tell her because it’s still hard to talk about it to this day, and I know it’s not fair on her since she can’t read my mind but I wish she could so I didn’t have to physically say anything to her. When I started these old habits it started a few months ago.

~ flashback ~

I woke up to an empty bed which isn’t uncommon as Olivia gets called in at night or early in the morning all the time so I’m pretty much used to it now. There was a note on her pillow and you grabbed it. It read “good morning my sweetheart, I’m sorry but I got called in early this morning, I’ll be back hopefully tonight. I love you.” ~ Olivia <3. You put the note back down on the pillow and sighed. You know she’s been busy and you understand that but recently it feels like she doesn’t want to be around you anymore. It’s like she takes anything they offer, even if it’s just doing paperwork, to just get away from you. You know it’s a long stretch and it’s probably not true but you can’t get it out of your head.

You stood up from the bed and stretched, feeling all of your bones pop and crack. Then you went into the kitchen and got yourself y/f/c (your favorite cereal) and some milk. You noticed that you only put a little bit of cereal and milk in the bowl, usually you get a huge bowl full and fill it up but today, it was weird. You didn’t feel that hungry as you normally do and you didn’t feel that great mentally. You just felt sad, which isn’t for no reason because you miss your girlfriend but you felt…icky in some way. You felt extremely insecure in this present moment and you can’t pinpoint why.

~ flashback over ~

That’s how it all started again. I didn’t think it would happen again, after all this time, but it did. Ever since that weird day, I haven’t been exactly the same. Like today for example, Olivia had a few days off for vacation and she gladly took it because she misses you a lot. Which you are glad she took the days but you can tell that she knows about it and you are scared that she will leave you. What if she sees your body like how you do? What if she doesn’t love you anymore? What if-. Your thoughts were interrupted by Olivia’s voice. “Sweetheart? Are you okay?” She asked you as she gently shook your shoulder. You snap out of it and look over at her at her spot on the couch beside you. She had a worried look on her face and you felt bad for making her feel this way.

“I’m sorry…I haven’t felt like myself recently..” you confessed and Olivia gave you a sympathetic look. “I know babygirl…I am a captain and once a detective so I know these kind of things baby. Would you like to tell me what’s going on and why you haven’t been eating?” She asked you softly and your eyes fill with tears. “It’s hard to talk about and I’m scared that you will look at me differently..” you confessed and Olivia took your hands in hers and gently ran her thumb across your knuckles. “Take your time baby and if you don’t want to tell me now that’s okay.” She reassured you and you nodded your head in understanding, grateful that she’s so patient with you. You took a deep breath in and faced her on the couch and started explaining everything from your past and your relationship with food. Olivia listened to you all the way through and kept running her thumb over your hand to help you stay calm while you tell her.

“And recently I’ve been falling back into it again…I’m not completely sure why besides me feeling insecure and wanting to look a certain way…I thought I was over it but I guess I’m not…” you said defeated and Olivia used her other hand to wipe the tears that were currently falling down your face. “Maybe something triggered you to go back down to where you were years ago.” Olivia explained and your eyebrows scrunched together as you tried to figure what could have triggered you. “Well…we haven’t spent a lot of time together…and I’m not saying this to blame you…I just feel like you don’t want to be around me anymore and that you don’t want to be with a person like me.” You confessed and she gently shook her head at you. “That’s far from it sweetheart. It’s been really busy lately and there’s been some people upset with me and I couldn’t risk you getting hurt because of me. That’s why I tried to stay out as late as possible and not some home until a few days later or stay late and sneak out to come home to you and then leave early. I’m so sorry baby. I don’t want you to ever feel insecure about yourself or feel bad.” She reassured you and you felt guilt gripping at your soul.

“Deep down I knew there was a good explanation for us not hanging out that much anymore but it’s like the negative thoughts keep overpowering my positive ones and I keep overthinking. I know it’s not an excuse and I’m sorry again Olivia. It isn’t your fault, it’s just something that I need to work on more.” You said as she gave you a loving kiss on your forehead. “Is there anything I can do to help you with eating and drinking? Like maybe set a timer or a schedule for you to drink a little something this hour and then the next drink a little more. The same can go for eating too, just so you don’t have to wait long periods of time without eating or drinking anything. How’s that baby?” She asked you and you nodded. “I’m up for anything honestly, I just want to feel better.” You explained and she leaned over to give you a passionate kiss on your lips to which you recuperated. “I love you liv.” You said as you looked into her brown eyes. “And I love you most y/n/n.” She replied back to you as she gave you the same adoring look at you.

A/n: I hope the anon likes it and honestly I feel like I didn’t do good with this one, I may rewrite it I’m not sure but I hope that y’all still enjoyed. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all :)

[thelunarfairy]

Tsukasa's letter to Amane

I believed with all my naivety that all the love and effort I offered you would one day be returned to me, even if I didn't demand it, even if I didn't ask for it, I wanted it.

I tried so hard, I did everything I believed was right. I spent days and days imagining the things we could do together, which I thought would last forever, at least as long as it lasted.

Our eternal did not come in the way I imagined, the dream I created in my head, exists only in it. I left, because I felt like I had to, because I realized that I loved alone. I did my best to make you love me, but it was all in vain.

Maybe you would be happier if you never saw me again, even if you remembered me when you looked in the mirror. Would you remember? I couldn't tell you how I felt, you were sick, I just believed that my problems were mine alone.

You know Amane, one day I looked into the darkness, and it looked back at me. I wasn't afraid of her, in fact, she welcomed me. It was okay if I wanted to give up, she would be with me, I already felt alone. I thought at least she would be with me, even if….

Even if I had to watch so many desperate people wanting to fulfill their own desires… Even if I saw them all giving up everything in the end, like we did, why are our desires so difficult to fulfill? Why does it always hurt so much to try to accomplish them?

I never wanted anything…. My wish was for you… but in the end it wasn't enough, was it?

I'm sorry Amane, for not being enough.

I really thought it would be.

I wish I could cry, but I feel like I shouldn't, you wouldn't come and comfort me, I should take care of myself, I always do things alone, even if they don't go the way I want, I just… I don't know for how long I can keep trying for a while longer…

I'm so tired….Please Amane, let me go….I don't want to stay anymore.

I don't want to look at you through that mirror, through the eyes of that black paper crane, I don't want to see anymore that you are so fine without me… That you can love another person so much, that you… would lift that knife against me again to protect her.

How many stabs do you want to give me?

Because you want to kill me…. But you won't let me go….

I do not want it anymore….

The only thing I still want is to fulfill your last wish, even after everything, because I still love you, and that's enough for me…

Even if I remain eternally in darkness…. Even if I have no one to say that they love me, that they like my company, that they find me as fun as they find you…

People are not kind to me… They just look at me that way, as if I should disappear…. The darkness didn't look at me like that…. She called me, she was the first one who really insisted on staying with me …

You know Amane, I miss when you read your favorite books to me, because I was never very good at some things, and I loved how you were always willing to help me. I miss when we played together, I miss feeling loved by someone…

But it's okay, I still have my bear, he makes me feel safe, even if he can't protect me…. Like you.

I wanted you to protect me, I wanted you to save me, but you trapped me. I came out of the darkness and you trapped me in another…

I called you so much, but you never heard me….

Then I remembered that I should go back to doing things alone, like I already did before I decided to come back for you. I found some people, they helped me get out of the prison you created for me, but they will abandon me when I give them what they want…

Yeah, abandoned again, don't worry, I'm used to it.

One day you will do the same again, when I become just memories, when my face is clean, without that seal…

When my face is clean, I will be happy because I can finally rest, even though I know that… I didn't have the life I wanted to have… nor the afterlife… The important thing is that… At least I'm satisfied in knowing that I did everything I could for you, and that I truly loved you, even if you didn't reciprocate, I loved living as long as I could by your side.

I hope that in some other reality, we can live happily together…

Someday I'll wish on a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind me, where problems melt like lemon drops…

High above the chimney tops is where you'll find me, somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly and the dream you dare to dream, oh why?

Why can't I?

Maybe someday I can meet you somewhere over the rainbow, where our dreams can come true.

Thank you Amane.

With love, Tsukasa.

[drowningyoursorrow]

CULTURE OF DISHONESTY

james patrick march x gn! reader / kai anderson x gn! reader

You were married to James for as long as you could remember, before and after he built the hotel. But as time grew, you knew he fell in love with another, the Countess he called her. You heard of their dinners together, but if you left, you'd have nothing. You gave it all up for James and his dark secrets, died alongside him. What will you do now?

!!!: mentions of death, murder, cheating, minor nsfw mentions, alcohol consumption W/C: 2.5k

You've been dead for nearly a century, and most of the time the halls of the Hotel Cortez were dead silent. Besides the moments from time to time when people were being murdered, and you could hear their screams. You've grown used to it, most of the time avoiding the areas where they came from. Although you died a while back, unlike James, you decided to try to keep up with the new eras and trends. James didn't seem to mind because he told you he loved your “ivory soul” and not how you appear.

Now you just laugh at the memory of it, ever since you've heard of his affair you've been looking into it. Of course, James believed you were oblivious to his own endeavors since you don't pry into his business. You've discovered that The Countess was purely the opposite of you, she was breathtaking, but you could tell her heart was cold. At first, you were insanely jealous and cried to yourself for weeks, but now, it just feels like a light sting. Of course, you still loved James and you loathed it because your heart still yearns from him like before.

You wish you would've at least grew out of love with him over tie like he did with you, maybe replace him or something. But you can't see yourself with any man other than James, you've decided to try to be distant to help. It has been working lately, you don't feel the urge to have to see him every second of your day anymore. But you assumed that since James has to keep up his act that he's still infatuated with you, he checks up on you.

Surprisingly, he noticed that you were no longer clinging onto his arm everywhere he went. Since he usually never really did acknowledge you even when you did do that, just growing accustomed to the feeling. As you were getting prepared to head to the bar, to drink your own pitiful sorrows away. James appeared, typically he was off wooing the countess or doing his killings, you've figured out his plans to avoid him. You were wearing something on the fancier side, deciding it'd best to look expensive while you have your mental breakdown.

He halted in his steps as he studied your get-up, often you didn't wear anything fancy since it wasn't really the style anymore. You felt relieved now since you didn't blush under his gaze anymore and just gave him an unimpressed look. He strode toward where you were and stood behind you and smoothed his hands across your sides. Nuzzling his head into the side of your neck, "you look ravishing, dearest. It feels like forever since I have seen you dress so eloquently."

You felt a certain distaste in your mouth as his hands touched you, knowing that he was doing this with someone else. So, you gently removed his hands off of you and stepped away from him, still facing away. Grabbing the rest of your necessities, "thank you, James." You paused, unsure of what else to say to brush him off, "I'm sorry, but I was just heading off somewhere. Maybe we can chat when I get back, hm?"

"Well, where are you heading? Maybe I can accompany you, may I remind you, I do own this hotel. I know all the secret and wonderful places." He spoke at you eagerly, going near you once more, holding out his arm so you could take it like you'd usually do. "Yes, I know James, I was there with you. But I was looking forward to spending some time with myself." James gave you a quizzical look, confused that you rejected his offer, usually you'd take every chance to be with him.

He rested his arm back to his side, thinking, "but we haven't spent a lot of time together recently, we better catch up on the days we've missed!" He was grinning at you now, the idea of you not wanting to be with him simply not registering for him. Him mentioning that you two not spending time together humored you, he was the reason for it. Always brushing off both of yours plans to go and be with the Countess, telling you he had business to attend to. "James, maybe another night? I must be going now, I'll see you when I return."

You gave him one last glance, his eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was evident on his features. For a moment you thought he looked, hurt, upset even. The idea made you laugh, surely he wouldn't be, he had no right to be. With that, you slammed the door and headed off to your destination, trying to stop the unconscious tears welling up in your eyes. "You're just being ridiculous, he doesn't care."

You made your way to the bar, it was empty as usual, and so you situated yourself more in the front. Liz knew of your current predicament and only could pity you, never bothering you when you did drunkenly sob about it. She gave you your usual bourbon before asking, "what happened this time, sweetie?" "You know, he pretended to care and acted sad when I didn't want to spend time with him. Like as if he wasn't blowing me off, so he could go be with her." You chugged the drink, the strong taste not bothering you, but there was a faint sting.

Although you've been trying not to bother yourself with your feelings of the situation, it still always made your heart squeeze. "Why does he even still try? Why can't he just go and tell me he doesn't want me anymore? Just give me some piece of mind." "Maybe you keep him grounded? You did stick by his side with everything, so if you were to just be gone it would feel… Unnatural. He never did like anything out of order." You chugged more of the bourbon she gave you, looking at the liquid, laughing that you were drinking his drink.

You were always a lightweight, no matter how much you'd drink, and how you never got used to how strong the liquid was. You rested your head on your hand as you stared at the empty glasses, "Him cheating on me is out of order, like if I had the guts I'd like to punch him or something." Liz smirked at your remark, before noticing someone take a seat at the bar. You slumped over and buried your head in your arms, hearing the faint voice of a man beside you.

In your hazy mind you thought of the affair, deciding if he's cheating on you, maybe you can cheat on him. That'll give him a reason to end it with you, since you were too scared to do it yourself. You peeked up to stare at the mysterious man, he was fairly lean but muscular. He was the opposite of James, and it enticed you, he had blue hair that hung above his shoulders. He sported a gray turtleneck paired with a black leather coat.

Unusual, but you had no right to judge, you look like you just attended the met gala. He had an intense gaze before he flicked his eyes at you, you didn't flinch. So you two just stared at each other, him sipping his drink as you both studied one another. It looked like he was judging your outfit as well, looking up at you with a really? look. You grinned and nodded your head sheepishly, he shifted to the seat right next to you and looked down at you.

"What's with the formal wear?" He spoke in a teasing tone yet it sounded soft and gruff at the same time. He was smiling at you amused, "well, just felt the need to look exquisite while I get insanely drunk. The usual." He laughed at your response, shaking his head as he chugged the rest of his drink. "What's with you? You look like you're about to mug someone."

You hiccuped while you giggled at yourself, but his gaze shifted to something serious as he looked at you. Before switching back to charming, "maybe I am?" "Wait wait, no offense, but why are you in a hotel like this? You look like a motel type of person." "Looked shady from the outside, so I went in, and it was the opposite. Got tricked, I guess?" You furrowed your brows, you haven't really seen the outside of the place in a while, being dead and all.

He looked at you some more, although you're dressed normally, he had a sense that you were different. You wore your hair old timely and had a bit of an accent to you, like those people in those old Hollywood films. "I'm Y/N by the way, in case you were wondering." You interrupted him, he was looking at you too much, your tone was sluggish yet serious in a way. "I'm Kai, Kai Anderson."

He brought his hand out to you, you shook it firmly, giggling because you haven't done that in a while. He seemed amused at your drunken state of mind, "do you live here, or?" "Hm, yeah, been staying here for a while. Wouldn't recommend." "Then why are you still here?" "Commitment, I am no quitter." He didn't look satisfied with your answer, looking frustrated for a quick second before he smiled at you.

"I was actually planning on to stay here for a while, you want to show me all the good spots?" You smiled at that, you two were unconsciously leaning against each other, you just now noticed. So you shifted back to your original spot, Kai giving you a confused look but not saying anything. "Yeah, I can, I know all the juicy spots." "Juicy?" "Isn't that like... a slang?" "Not anymore."

You cringed at yourself, maybe you need to reeducate yourself again. "Well, I know some pretty amazing spots, nice and quiet." He hummed at your response, swigging one last drink before he stood up. "Maybe when you're sober." With that, he headed to the elevators, giving you one last wave before he was gone.

You cheekily smiled at yourself, feeling accomplished, feeling Liz's eyes on you, looking impressed. You felt smug and sloppily sat up, walking to the elevator in unsteady steps. Waving at her and stepping into the elevator. You made your way to yours and James room, opening it, surprised to see him sitting at his desk.

Usually he was gone whenever you returned from whatever you were doing, if he did come back it was only for a second. You ignored him and made your way to the bed and flopped down on your back, feeling the sheets. You wonder if he ever brought her back here, using his suite to woo her, or something. You heard him stand up, making his way over to you to tower over you as he studied your drunken state. "My beloved, were you at the bar?"

You pretended to think, "why yes, James, twas at the bar. Where else would I go?" He studied you once more, you both knew that you only drank whenever you were upset. But he decided not to say anything and sat next to you, "Is something the matter? You've been shaking me off lately." You thought of his question, yes, yes there is a problem, you're cheating on me, so I'm drinking to not think about it. "No, not at all. All is swell."

You giggled to yourself as you kicked your shoes off, knowing your answer was agitating him. "Who were you with at the bar?" You stilled, although you weren't doing anything wrong, the way he asked you bothered you. His tone was stern, and you knew if you looked at him, he would have his souless stare. There would be no use in lying, he had eyes everywhere, but he wouldn't really watch over you.

Suddenly sober, you asked, "what do you mean?" "You know what I mean." "No, James, I do not, elaborate." "I saw you at the bar with someone. A strange looking man to be exact." "He's not strange, and why are you watching me?"

The question made James falter and he seemed to be thinking, "well, you being curt earlier had me worried so I went to see what you were doing." "Oh my god, you stalked me." "No, I wasn't stalking you, I was just checking to see if you were alright and safe." "That's what a stalker would say." "No matter that, what were you doing with him?"

"Drinking, I was alone, and he randomly showed up and talked to me, we're drinking buddies now." "Well quit it." You sat up with him, scooting away from him as you glared at him. He was avoiding your gaze, but he looked equally frustrated with you as you were with him. "Quit what exactly, James? Drinking with someone? You do it all the time, why can't I?"

"It's different." "How is it different, James? Hm? Am I only supposed to drink with you now? I want you to know how unfair that is." He flicked his glare toward you but kept his temper, "It's business matters that's why, and he was flirting with you!" "No he wasn't! You know what I can't with you, I am tired." You weren't, but you needed to get your point across, "we can talk about this tomorrow."

James looked as if he was going to protest but held his tongue watching you curl away from him on the bed. Not bothering to change, his expression saddened as he laid down beside you. Not changing, either, he faced away from you on the bed. You felt bad for having him worried, but you wanted him to feel how you’ve felt for the past months. "Goodnight James, I love you."

There was no response, only a huff, and with that you closed your eyes as tears began to fall. The feeling of your failed marriage finally hitting you and James secluded life from you. Maybe Kai could help you tomorrow, you felt comfort with the stranger as you thought of tomorrow. You still silently cried because you could feel the remaining love that bloomed for James, no matter what. What you didn't know was James could feel you crying next to him, but his pride held him back from saying anything.

As he finally felt you fall to rest, he sat up and stared down at your sleeping figure, holding empathy and guilt. He knew he had no right to be upset with who you were talking to. The guilt soon finally hit as he curled himself next to you, recalling all the times he blew you off to be with someone else. The times he would lay with her because of her beauty, but your warmth was different from hers, he felt more safe and secure, but he was in too deep.

"Goodnight dearest, I love you too."

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- Had to make a story with both of my favorites - Possibly going to make more parts (I'm lying) - Not proofread in any way - The titles not a song, just a creative saying I saw

Hope you enjoyed and if you have any requests or questions please dm!