#i don't know who to see because i'm tired of being told to journal or set boundaries with my parents. i've tried. they don't respect me

[dudefrommywesterns]

i just feel so bad. i've felt so bad for so long and it's not improving.

[donascozylivingroom]

LET GO OF THE STRESS AND HUSTLE TO 'GET THERE'

I was scrolling through tiktok and i found a post by someone who told me if i am comfortable in my life i shouldn't be, because i am not working on my next level. i got annoyed and skipped, two videos later: "if u want to be more comfortable..." ... skip!

i'm tired of society convincing us where we are is not ok. i either must want to be more or less comfortable, never accept my life and improve upon the life i have right now with as tiny steps as i feel i can right now.

guess what - I AM COMFORTABLE! And I love it.

I used to be a master at hustling, doing everything i can to get my million dollars and NYC Penthouse. Manifesting didn t work for me until i learned to robotically affirm and persist, and since then i am getting everything i want. And yeah I still have resistance to 2 of my only big desires, everything else i'm getting affirming 1-3 times because i assume i only need to affirm once and i get it, i repeated that for a while and ever since manifestation has been so easy.

And yeah just because i didn t get my 2 main desires yet, I AM COMFORTABLE. I understand that those things I want so much are part of my soul lessons and why my soul came here. God/Source/myself before this life decided to make some things harder than others, and that's okay.

My whole life i was either uncomfortable because i didn t get something external, or worried - why am I so comfortable?

I learned to never do anything that is not easy because my plan for this life is to FLOW, but still i was fed by the media that i am not perfect as i am, or where i am. It's not true.

Wherever you are, it's your starting place, your zero point. And if you are experiencing it, you are probably meant to be there. I mean look around u in the present moment, not to your mind. Are you okay? You're meant to be here, boo.

How can you make your life more beautiful where you are? How can you be more grateful for what is around you? What you already have.

There s no rush, you don't have to get there tomorrow. I know when you are young it seems like you have to do everything very fast, and the speed of manifestation on this planet has improved since i was a kid, everything seems to be more light and fast, BUT...

There will probably be a few more years until the speed of manifestation will be instant, especially for every single thing.

You are part of a collective, a collective consciousness, and everyone must be on board until they push the START button from above 🤭😁

We are literally on this mission together, it's not just about you, it is about the ascension of Earth and its citizens.

Don't stress! Make it your job to relax whatever happens and you will see small improvement after small improvement which will lead to an easy, chilled life that is financially supported by the Universe enough that u have time to do your affirmations, your journaling, your shadow work, etc. Make it a habit to not stress, because stress is always misaligned since it doesn t feel good.

My life currently: affirming, journaling and pinteresting most of the day while in bed...earlier i did groceries and got a lot of things i love to eat and would be considered expensive where i live. Spent 120 euro today and i am in europe. I don't work. I only manifest haha. I'm yet to be at the financial level i want (one of my two desires i'm working on) but i still live a comfortable life, a life that energetically i wish i will have once i have lots and lots of money, because the vibes are amazing. I'd rather have this warm house and bed, friendships and good vibes than a view from the last floor in NYC from my bed, while ridden with anxiety and loneliness.

Ya know.. Everything will be ok, if you struggle to affirm meditate and try your affirmations just once to check how it feels with eyes closed within your inner being..and then check more affirmations one at a time... and ask yourself, your inner being: what do i really need? what do i really want? and when you are clear, then start repeating and manifesting.

good luck!

[moiravim]

Blonde Hair

PLATONIC brother!Draco x reader

Summary: Yn is the daughter of Regulus Black but was quickly taken in and adopted by Narcissa. YN is extremely insecure, but her brother Draco is always there for her. (Second person)

Warnings: YN has dark hair, fem YN, mention of blood

1.3k words

Your father, Regulus had died before you ever met him and your mother died during childbirth. The closest thing you had to a family was always the Malfoys. But even after having your last name changed Lucius had always called you 'yn black'.

You grew up feeling like you had no family and the only person who had ever made you feel any differently was Draco.

Draco always made sure you felt loved. You'd always been close and would always play together as kids.

As you grew older Draco had realized how you feel. It made no sense to him because he had always seen you as his real sister and he didn't get why you saw it any differently.

Your first year of Hogwarts was coming up and you were horrified. You wanted everyone to see you as a 'real' Malfoy. Lucius had gifted you an amulet which would change your darker hair to platinum blonde.

The amulet was a large oval with a glowing mist-like substance inside. It hung from a thick silver chain, worn as a necklace.

You were obsessed with it since the moment it was gifted to you. "YN, really... You don't have to wear that stupid necklace! You were perfectly fine without it!! No one's even here to see you-" Draco complained but you immediately cut him off.

"You just don't understand what it's like not having a family!!" This 'stupid necklace' was the thing keeping me together at the moment. It made me feel like I really did fit in with the Malfoys.

Draco's eyes started to water as his face got red. "I'm your family!" He shouted as a tear slipped down his cheek. He immediately wiped it away and hid his red eyes with his hand.

You felt bad, but you knew he was wrong. He was just trying to make you feel better. He wasn't really your brother. He was your cousin and Narcissa was your Aunt. You had no parents. No brother.

The ambiance of Draco's room continued to become more and more akward. You sigh before hugging Draco and rubbing his back. You didn't want to, but, you knew he'd do the same for you.

He hugs you back tightly as a few more tears fell from his eyes. You hadn't realized at the time he was scared of the same thing you were.

You left his room, going back to your own so you could finish packing. You and Draco left for Hogwarts tomorrow and had to leave early to get to the Hogwarts express.

When you layed in bed, anxiety took over you. 'Everyone would find out I'm not Draco's real sister and they'll all hate me!' you told yourself.

After another hour of restless sleep you sneaked into Draco's room. He was still awake and was writing in his diary. He smiled as he watched you peek into his room.

He pat the spot next to him as he wrote in his journal and you made your way over to him. You sat, resting on your knees. "I can't sleep... I'm scared. What if everyone finds out I'm not your real sister?"

He looks at you sadly. He's obviously tired of hearing about it but you have no one else to express your fears to and he knows it. But the part about you not being his 'real sister' really hits hard.

He was disappointed you didn't see him as a brother, but he was too nervous to say anything. "YN. Everyone will love you. I promise. And even if they don't I'll always be here for you." He says truthfully.

"You really think they'll believe we're siblings?" You ask once more as Draco nods.

You rested your head on his fluffy pillows before happily falling asleep with little to no worries.

You woke up the next morning in your own bed. An outfit was picked out and placed folded on your chair with your amulet on top.

You slowly woke up and got dressed. You hid your amulet under your shirt before leaving your room to go find your brother.

"YN. Your going to be late. Go meet up with Narcissa and Draco. They have your things." Lucius said as you nodded and rushed downstairs.

Lucius eventually met up with the three of you and you left for Hogwarts. When you entered the train you followed Draco to find empty seats.

Eventually a few of Draco's friends found their way to your section and sat with you two. It was fun and for once you could see some resemblance between you and Draco. You swore to yourself in this moment you'd never let anyone see you without your amulet.

A month into the school year and everything has been going great. Your best friend is Pansy, but you also hang out with Draco and his other friends.

Still none of them know your not really Draco's twin and you couldn't be any happier. Sadly it wouldn't last.

You had already made enemies due to your brother. Harry and Ron often picked on you. You didn't blame them though because of how your brother treated them.

"You know, you guys really aren't good people" you stated, tired of their constant bullying. "Says the Malfoy! Your the definition of evil" Ron argues back.

"Don't you dare talk bad about the Malfoy name!" You snapped back. You were close to loosing it. You decided to use your one talent against them.

"Duel me! Two against one! I'll prove you both wrong!"

They laughed, thinking it'd be an easy win but you knew there was no way they'd win.

You yelled out spells, constantly stunning them and blocking their counter spells.

While you were busy fighting Ron, Harry had used flipendo against you. Your body was flung into the wall and you landed roughly on the floor.

You hadn't cared for the glass stabbing into your chest, all you cared about your hair. The platinum blonde hair that was giving you a reason to live.

You sobbed out, curling in on yourself. You were so close to winning, how could things have gotten this bad. Of course you'd underestimated Harry.

You pulled at your hair as your body started to shake. The worst part was all the students watching you fall apart.

Everyone in the school would find out your not Draco's sister. Your life would be ruined.

Your eyes remained slammed shut as you felt someone pull you into their arms. "Shhhh....shhhhh... I'm here. Everything is going to be okay... My sweet sister, you don't deserve this." Draco said as he brushed out the hair you had tangled.

He lifted you up and took you away from the crowds and into the Slytherin common room.

He rested you onto the couch and noticed blood going through your white shirt. He immediately unbuttoned it to see your crushed amulet stabbing into your skin.

Draco's frown deepens as he inspects your cuts. They weren't too bad, but he still felt horrible he wasn't there for you sooner. He wished it never had happened.

He discards the amulet and cleans the blood from you. A few minutes later Pansy rushes in, hugging you as your cries die down.

"Oh, YN! I was so worried, I heard what happened... Harry and Ron truly are horrible" Pansy states as she hugs you tightly.

You smile at her comment. Draco sits next to you and continues to rub your back as you hug Pansy.

"YN, I want to talk to you in private..." Draco says as Pansy nods, giving the two of you some space.

"This changes nothing. You always have been and always will be my sister". You begin to cry at his words and hug him tightly. He hugs you back once more before you leave to get some rest.

A/N: I'm having family problems 💔 also the amulet is based off of the owl house LMAO!!

[carolmunson]

vacation diaries - entry four

eddie keeps a journal while at the inn with you in northern indiana. a blurb series starting from the first morning after ’before there was a before’.

entries: one,two,three read steve's journal: here.

warnings: minors dni, 18+, adult themes, mentions of sex

what a fuckin minx.

jesus, i forgot for a minute what a solid fuck she is. i know that sounds gross but i am fucking reeling right now. she's in the shower and i just got the life fucked out of me. holy shit. i thought i came hard last night but holy god almighty. i'm never gonna get over this.

we didn't mean to fuck. i didn't mean to let it go that far, i didn't want this trip to be about that. but when she gave me that face when we got back upstairs how could i not? she's such a little tease. she was a little tease all day. the cutest tease i ever met.

she wanted to go to the dunes even though it's snowy and out to the piers and the light house. she swears she packed a warm enough coat but i can guarantee you that she's gonna have a cold tomorrow and then i'm gonna get a cold two days later. i can't even be mad at her about it though, her little frost bitten nose? i don't think i've ever met anyone i want to marry more than her.

we brought some kodak cameras with us to take pictures of everything, went to some tourist spots since we haven't been getting around as much as we want. gas is cheap out here which is nice. we saw some more christmas lights and went back to the diner. the waitress knows my name now so now i feel like i have to come here every couple of months so i don't lose the friendship. her name's marge. she reminds me of my grandma. she has a friend that lives at the women's shelter by the record store named sara-lynn but i don't think i've met her. i'll have to ask around and send marge's regards. she thinks it's cool that i play in a band and her nephew wants to learn how to play guitar but doesn't want him to get any tattoos.

but anyway, we got home after seeing the sights (she called them 'the seven wonders of northern indiana' because she's annoying) and dropping the cameras off to get the film developed, we were sitting in the common area again and she starts tracing my tatts on my arm and she knows how i love that. she's all 'don't listen to marge, your tattoos are unique' and i would obviously never listen to marge because my tattoos are metal as fuck but she can't be tracing them on my arm like that in front of the nice old people we played checkers with two nights ago. so i ask if she's tired and she wants to go upstairs and she basically runs so fast that the lady who runs the inn had to come yell at us for being too loud.

we weren't too loud when we fooled around but if i had it my way, they would've been able to hear her in canada.

i haven't really had her solo in a long time. solo like, not playing a game or a roleplay. just me as eddie and her as her. she tried to slip into calling me daddy at first and any other day i would've went along with it, especially since steve wouldn't hear, but i just wanted it to be us tonight. i told her i wanted to give it to her nice. i don't even think either of us could breathe while we were going at it. i hadn't felt more connected to her in my life. i kept telling her how much i loved her and it kept making her cry so we had to keep stopping and starting which is fine because i kept almost busting way too quick for it to be okay.

we came at the same time and both had to shove our faces in the pillows so we wouldn't get in trouble again. can't believe we didn't break the bed.

she just got out of the shower and came out with my t-shirt on. i think she wants to go again and i'm gonna fuck her brains out. she already fucked my brains out.

sorry i didn't talk about anything legit today but i'm only a man, diary. i'm only a dumb fucking man who loves his girl.

-ed

[harventheblorbo]

Hi,I really like your work.So can I get a fanfic about optimus prime with a human reader,where the reader is struggling with the fact that optimus chose jack over them to guard the key to vector sigma.(optimus is the guardian of the reader and the reader blames mostly themselves for being too weak and regretting every past traumatic experience they shared with optimus.They dont blame jack or optimus.)The reader tries to hide it bcs they dont want to embarrass themselves(as they see it) any further in front of optimus,but the thoughts that everyone dislikes them creep up again and so they become distant and try to make themselves very quiet/serious(they think of everyone as an enemy who finds them annoying again).

Also optimus reaction to that,what would he do?But in general angst with comfort(maybe an explanation as to why optimus didnt chose them).

Sorry if its too long or something doesnt fit the rules of the blog(couldnt find them😂)

One shot of TFP Optimus with a reader that can't understand why Optimus choose jack to guard the key of vector Sigma and not them!

Containing; Optimus Prime

___ is gender neutral and human

Warning; Angst, and swearing.

One shot Summary; ___ can't wrap their head around that Optimus picked Jack to protect the key to vecter sigma but some special bot notices.

When Optimus gave Jack the Key, my heart shattered. Why? Why was I so upset that Optimus gave Jack the key? Was it because maybe I thought that Optimus thought as me as too weak? I couldn't blame him if he did.

I didn't wanna ask Optimus because I was just too embarrassed. What if he got too nervous to tell me and told a lie? I mean I don't think he would but still it kinda hurts. I mean there has to be a reasonable explanation. I put my pencil down and closed my notebook. My therapist had been recommending that I should do journaling so I can have my head clear.

I mean it worked a little bit. But to be honest I think it just made me seem more awkward. The Video game buzzed and I heard Jack and Raf exclaim how the other cheated. It was a 2006 game that Ratchet bought so I doubt that Raf would know how to hack it anyway. Miko tapped me on the shoulder.

"Hey ___, do you by chance have the answer for number 3 on our homework?" Miko asked as she sat down next to me with her homework. "Yeah, it's 8" I replied. To be honest, I haven't been feeling the best recently and felt tired.

"Thank you!" She yipped and ran off after writing the answer down. I did anything to help them as I thought I was responsible to do it since Jack had to do it all the time. But to be honest, I think my whole life is going to shit

But I don't wanna really bring it up to someone. What if I burden them? And who would be the right person to talk to it about it? Ratchet is always so grumpy and would brush me off. Arcee would just ask me to go away or something like that. Bulk head is too nice and I think I would overwhelm him. Ultra Magnus wouldn't be the best to go to for anything. So for now, I just keep quiet. Like I always have.

As the days pass, I realize how distant they have been with me. But then again Ive been distant with them and I think it's for the better. No one has really been talking to me. And whenever they do, its awkward and uncomfortable and small.

I don't really care anymore. I don't care about anything anymore. I can't tell if I'm pissed off or just pissed at my self for being a fuckin fool. I guess I was too late to realize when Optimus was more or less observing me throughout the week until I saw him walk up to the risen area for the humans.

"___? Is it alright if I have a word with you?" I heard Optimus's voice and looked up at him. His optics whirred a little bit and saw how focused he was. "Sure... What's up?" I replied. There was no one around so It was a perfect timing. "I'm sure I can speak on behalf of everyone and say that we are worried for you ___" There was brief science. I nodded to let him continue talking. "You've been distant to everyone. Even the children and it's worrying us. Tell me what's wrong. Please" Optimus leaned a little bit forward as I walked up to where he was.

"Well to be honest, I've been upset about the fact that you chose to give Jack the key..." I explained with a upset tone. Im honestly embarrassed to even be saying these words. I can feel my hands sweat as I fidget with my fingers.

Optimus blinked and pondered on what he was going to say. "I see now." He remarked. "Your wondering why I gave Jack the key and not you, I'm I correct?" Optimus asked. I couldn't do anything but nod my head. "___, the only reason I chose Jack to protect it was because Arcee asked me to." He explained. "Oh..." I quietly stated.

I kinda chuckled. "Well thanks for clearing it up" I thanked him as I looked at him fully while I scratched the back of my head a little. He simply nodded with a slight smile.

[taralen]

"At your feet I present myself once again today, as I do every night, my dear. I've read all your messages and plan to reply now because it's curious what you mentioned on the other page. When I start writing, I concentrate so much that I don't notice things around me, and seeing that you've made a list of 'how a man can win my heart' seems like I hit the nail on the head unintentionally. Maybe you think I want to adhere to some standard, but no, hahaha. Everything I write to you is what I truly feel. Dreaming is not bad, as I've told you before, but I'll repeat it as many times as necessary. If I can make you happy in this or any other way, it's more than enough for me. Do you want to get to know me? Of course! But before doing so, give me time, my girl. I know you want to impress me. You want me to see you and grab my attention with those freshly painted nails, with which you've managed to send shivers down my spine just by thinking that you might touch my face and caress it slowly while our eyes meet. It's sublime, oh my angel. I confess that today, once again, you made this heart feel so happy that I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned so many times that eventually the hours passed, which caused me to see the dawn (a bit tired). You know that I am also excited, nervous, and euphoric. I have a mix of emotions so intense that precisely at this moment, you have me here staying awake with you. It's so exciting that it makes me feel like I'm in a movie, and both of us are giving our best effort while my mind wanders, dreaming of being together, lying on top of the clouds and becoming one with the wind, letting ourselves be carried by a soothing breeze. But back to the topic, our love is growing more and more every day. I can't wait for you, my beloved, to touch my chest with your soft hands so you can feel my soft and slow heartbeats. Do you know why? Because I know it's your hand that has the power to destroy my composure, break my voice, and take my breath away. But I don't want you to see me in that state, so come here, get close to me once and for all, and let me hold you in my arms tonight. I want you to feel protected by me. Just look into my eyes, my girl. These are the eyes that seek your safety... And your happiness... There's something I want to tell you. Despite the multiple barriers that separate us, I am younger than you, hahaha. It's a curious fact that I didn't expect, but I love you and adore you. Another clue I can give you about who I am is that your consideration for me outside of my letters is appreciated. I'm surprised by those gestures that most people don't make. You're so kind no matter who it is, despite following each other, you haven't been able to catch me.

LOVE LETTER #9 (SEASON 2)

THIS REQUIRES ADDITIONAL CONTEXT TO TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. CLICK BELOW!

After the eighth letter (END OF SEASON 1 LOL), I made several X/Twitter posts and two #musings journals directed at him before he wrote this letter.

(BEFORE GETTING THE LETTER) In Order:

(AFTER GETTING THE LETTER) In Order:

Initial Public Response:

[del3141]

This is... an experiment of sorts. I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with Tumblr when all is said and done; it's a friendly and fun site, but this isn't a place where I've felt like it's OK or welcome to post personal things. But I'm going to give it a shot.

CW: Growing-up trauma, parent-induced trauma, misanthropy. Heavy things. Long post.

This is something like automatic writing that I'm trying to do here, only the spirit I'm trying to channel is my subconscious. I don't know what its thesis is. But it needs to get some things out that have been troubling it for a long long time, and I'm going to do what I can to aid the process along in the only way I remember how, by writing it down. It's been a long time since I've done this.

I used to write things down a lot more. I wrote in a LiveJournal back when that was a thing. I had a small core of people I knew online, and I wrote for them, but I also wrote a lot for myself. I never liked having a journal just for myself, but I liked being able to write in a place where other people I knew and liked could share their thoughts on the things that I thought about.

Unfortunately, what happened to that was my father found the journal, well after I moved out and cut off contact with him, and he used it to try to get back in contact with me. I friends-only locked my posts after that, every single one, manually, that was how much I did not want him to be part of my life anymore. I also left a comment on my journal explaining that I did this because I didn't want family reading my journal. For a while, things were okay. A few posts of mine I got some comments from folks asking to unlock them so they could share - simple stuff, the one I remember was about what I thought of 4th ed D&D, because apparently I described it pretty well - so I unlocked a few for sharing. My father jumped on those. After that, I ended the journal. It's still out there on LJ, but it hasn't been posted to, and it won't be posted to again.

That, plus seeing what some of the truly evil shit done to people I know online, by places that openly celebrate harming people for who or what they are, got me to close off my online presence for over a decade. It seemed better to be invisible than to be vulnerable.

-----

A year or so ago, I sent one last email to my mother, in response to her latest of many, many attempts to convert me back into evangelical Christianity and sell me on being a Republican because schools are grooming children and because she fears for my soul and also because tired party-of-lincoln bullshit. This is after they very honestly told me about their running interference for my stepbrother, who is now convicted of the kind of crimes my parents think LGBTQ+ people are committing. I told her not to contact me again. She has respected my wishes.

I've not sent the one last email to my father, because I am concerned that any contact with him whatsoever will be used as a means to get more information on how to *continue* contact. The best approach I have devised involving him is to be a black box - no information goes to him from me. He continues to attempt to reach me, either through new email addresses or through social media invites from any direction he can manage. He's made actionable threats to others, and he'd do the same to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I've severed contact with my family. It doesn't last. Mostly what I feel is anger towards them, for being what they were and are. So much of the cruelty in the world that I see is so tightly wrapped up with the culture of my parents that, when I see things in the world that are hateful and cruel, the reaction in the back of my mind is: These are the things that my parents are putting into the world, eagerly, enthusiastically, with the confidence that God is on their side, and there are millions upon millions more just like them, eager to see the world carved bloody until it fits their expectations.

What I feel more than anything is... surrounded. I've separated myself from the shitty place I came from, but that place is just a microcosm of the species. There are things that this species does that are profoundly alien to me, sometimes even hostile, things it does to others of its own kind that it's deemed "not like us". The best you can get from a relationship like that is polite, tense tolerance; if things go badly, you can expect violence, of one kind or another. It feels like there is no in-road to be part of these communities - you can be tolerated among them, but you won't be accepted, if your mind and your ideals don't conform to theirs. You are here, and they will let you be here, but you are not welcome, and they are keeping an eye on you for behaviour that they will scorn.

I've now spent nearly forty years in a world where I am not welcome. I've learned to put on a very convincing mask, and that's kept me relatively safe for a very long time. It also helps that I'm a cis white male previously in the USA and now in Canada, I've had a lot of easy coasting on that because it makes the mask more acceptable. It takes a lot out of me to keep the mask up. It still feels safer to be invisible, but you can't be in the world without being a part of it.

It's a bit like being a mouse, living in the walls, nibbling at the edges of the world and just trying not to get caught or trapped.

[cody-the-kirby-used-psi]

A Silly Idea

Spawned from reading too many of Star_going_supernova's Godzilla stories.

So I've got this kinda stupid idea in my head.

It started with me remembering the old Godzilla cartoon from 1998( henceforth being referred to as the only thing of worth coming from the 1998 movie) and I thought that it would be cool if they did something like that nowadays with the Legendary versions.

It was at that point my brain threw the Legendary Godzilla in a blender with some 90's era ‘we'll-make-a-cartoon-outta-anything’ juice mixed with a bit of Star_Going_Supernova influence spice, hit puree, and spilled this slurrie everywhere.

Which I will now regurgitate to any one willing to read this.

So Cody's Idea Corner now presents:

Envoys of the King:

A Godzilla Pilot.

So it starts with a view of an aircraft carrier. We see the Monarch symbol emblazoned upon it. Monarch employees bustle around on it, giving an 18 year old sitting on a crate a large berth, or rather the large bear-sized lump of familiar scales behind him a large berth. 

The teen looks tired, like ‘put through the ringer and now I'm just done tired’. He has short black hair and brown eyes. He's of Japanese descent and wearing a long brown coat.

In walks Maddie Russell. She walks straight up to him.

“Hi,” she says.

“Sup,” he responded.

“I'm Maddie.”

“Martin.”

“So Martin,” she starts. “Why's everybody avoiding you?”

“Think they're more avoiding the big grumpy lizard than me.”

He points back to the lump of scales. Maddie stares at it.

As if sensing her stare it raises its head, its face is familiar to Maddie.

“Who's that?” She asks. “Kindda looks like Godzilla, if he were smaller.”

Martin sighs.

“That's because it is Godzilla.”

Maddie double takes.

“...what?”

“It’s… it's a long story.”

Behind him Godzilla huffs. Martin rolls his eyes.

“Which the lizard wants me to tell apparently.”

“Wait, you can understand him?”

“That's…”

“Also a long story?”

“Eh, more of the same story.”

“Okay this I gotta hear.”

“Pull up a crate,” Martin says, waving over to some other boxes. “Don't got much else going on right now.”

Maddie pulls over a box and sits down. Expectantly waiting for Martin to begin.

He sighs.

“Okay, where to start…”

----------------------------

So about a year ago my grandpa passed. In his will, he left me four things.

The first was a bunch of money. Said to use it to travel the world. Find myself.

The second was this bag that had eight, uh, guess I'll call em crests.

Third was this crystal sword.

Fourth was a journal. The journal was full of writing in different languages. What I could read was just confusing and made no sense. At the back of the journal was a message from grandpa; ‘you'll know what to do when it's time.’

----------------------------

Maddie: That's it?

Yep.

Maddie: Well, that's… vague…

You're telling me. Anyway, with nothing else to go on, I did the other thing he told me to do, I went traveling. Till I ended up here.

I'd heard Monarch was doing some sort of dig outside of town. Cordoned it off and everything. Normally, it wouldn't have mattered to me but, I don't know, I felt… drawn to the place. Like I'd just be doing my thing and suddenly I'm staring off in the direction of the dig.

Maddie: So what did you do?

What I imagine any self-respecting teenager with no adult supervision and an inexplicable draw to an off limits sight would do.

Maddie:... you broke in?

I broke in, yeah. And… I got caught. That. Is when the crazy stuff happened.

----------------------------

Martin sits in what appears to be an interrogation room. He sits in the chair, slouched back and staring at the ceiling.

‘You're an idiot, Martin!’ He scolds himself.

Before he can berate himself further, the door opens, letting in a woman with blonde pixie cut hair. She wore a lab coat and held a tablet in her hand.

“Martin Yami?” She asked as she sat down in front of him. “Or do you prefer Yami Martin.”

“I was raised in the states,” he grumbled. “Martin's fine.”

“Very well.” She smiled softly. “My name is Leana Marpole. I work as a Doctor of archeology for Monarch.”

Martin raised a brow.

“Archeology? Thought Monarch was full of Kaiju researchers?”

Before she could answer, he shook his head.

“Nevermind, doesn't matter. Look Miss Marpole-”

“Call me Leana.”

“Fine. Miss Leana, if you guys are gonna pull a ‘Men In Black’ on me, could we just get it over with?” He sighed. “It was a mistake to go in there. I'm not even sure why I did it.”

She chuckled.

“I don't know what rumors you've heard about Monarch's technology, but we're not advanced enough to rewrite memories.” She smirked. “Or perhaps you were referring to the methods of the original comics?”

Martin blinked.

“I… was actually… how do you know that?”

She laughed.

“A fond part of my childhood,” she said brightly. “Regardless, I can assure you that we plan on doing no such thing.”

“Hmm.”

His eyes narrowed in thought.

“Wait, those comics are like thirty years old. You read them as a kid? So you're like-”

“Although, I could convince the General to adopt some of those methods, if you would like to continue down that train of thought?” she interjected with a clearly false cheer.

“Uhhhhh… noted…” He coughed. “Uhm, a-anyway, if you're not planning to do… that… then why am I here instead of with the police for standard B'n'E?”

“To answer one of your earlier questions,” she began as she tapped away on the tablet. “Titans have existed long before humanity. There are even records of temples of worship to some of them, and I will be the first to tell you, zoologists, do not make good archeologists.”

“Okay, fair,” he said with a nod. “So Monarch needs archeologists to study these supposed kaiju temples. Still doesn't explain why I'm here.”

“Kaiju…” she mumbled. “Most of the world refers to them as titans.

“Its… just what my grandpa always called them,” he said softly. “It stuck.”

“Ah, yes, your paternal grandfather. Your file mentioned he passed a year ago?” She asked, her eyes glinting with sympathy. “It must have been hard, losing your only family.”

“Uh, y-yeah,” he glanced away.

Even a year later, it still hurt.

‘For it to still hurt, means that there is still love there.’

His grandpa's words echoed through his head. 

He took a deep breath.

“Can we- can we get back to the part about why I'm here?”

Leana nodded.

“You are still here, Martin, because I would like to ask you about some items you had in your possession when you were detained.”

Martin sighed and leaned back.

“Well, sorry to tell ya, but it's a dead end. They were just in a box my grandpa left me in his will,” he said. “You all probably know more about them than I do.”

“If you would just humor me for a minute, Martin.”

“Fine, but all I got is puns,” he mumbled under his breath.

She snorted before setting the tablet in front of him.

“Do you recognize this symbol?” She asked.

Martin studied the image. It looked like it had been carved into a stone wall. It also did look familiar.

“Actually… yeah… it looks like one of the symbols in the book.”

“Yes,” Leana agreed. “It's pretty much an exact match. You said your grandfather gave you the book?”

“Yeah but I know he didn't write it.”

“No, the brush strokes and marking are indicative of multiple writers,” she explained. “We dated the book as best we could and while it is only a few hundred years old-”

“A ‘few hundred’ she says.”

“Some of the language used in it is much older.”

“Yeah, but it's probably all written in code,” Martin said with a shrug. “There's kanji in there. I can read kanji but it just seems like gibberish.”

“Yes, we noticed that,” she said, taking back the tablet. “Moving on, what do you know about the sword?”

Martin leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling.

“Well there's not really anything special about the tsuka or saya,” he supplied. “But the blade and tsuba are made of some weird materials.”

“Referring to them in the traditional way,” she hummed. “Are you a swordsman, Martin?”

He shook his head.

“Just did some kendo when I was younger,” he said. “They nail those terms into your head before they even let you look at a boken.”

“And do you still practice?”

“I still know the basics, practice ‘em once in a while.” He sighed. “Grandpa said it may come in handy one day.”

----------------------------

“So your grandpa made you take kendo as a kid,” Maddie interrupted. “Encourages you to at least practice the basics, dies, and then leaves you a sword and a note saying ‘travel the world’ and ‘You'll know what to do when its time.’?”

Martin nodded.

“Yep. Really suspicious in hindsight.”

“Okay, cool,” she said. “Not just me.”

----------------------------

“Anyway,” Martin continued. “The whole blade is some kinda crystal and the tsuba looks like its the same kinda stuff as the crest.”

Leana nodded.

“Correct,” she confirmed. She showed him the tablet once again. “The materials used in the blade, the ‘tsuba’-”

“You can just call it the guard if you want,” Martin said. “Wouldn't be insulting me or anything. Not like it's a common term.”

Leana smiled and continued.

“And the crests are all incredibly dense, but thanks to another artifact Monarch has access to we have been able to identify the substance used to make the blade.”

“And what's that?”

Leana grinned and showed him the tablet. On it was a picture of the katana next to another picture that looked like a crude axe.

“The axe you see has the same makeup as your sword and the axe is made from the dorsal plates of ‘Titanus Gojira’,” she said, steppling her hands. “Or, his more common name-”

“Godzilla!?” Martin cried. “The thing is made out of one of his back spines!?”

“It would appear so,” she stated. “And with the crest's unique feature of absorbing radiation-”

“Should I be worried about that?”

She shook her head.

“While they do absorb ambient radiation, their output of radiation is no worse than that of a banana.”

“So avoid eating 20,000 of them, got it,” Martin joked.

Leana chuckled.

“Yes, but as I was saying, based on that fact, its likely they are made from Godzilla tissue as well, likely his scales, if I had to guess.”

Martin rubbed his forehead.

“Why the heck did you have these, Grandpa?” He asked softly.

“And that's the million dollar question, Martin,” Leana said with a sigh. “The cultural significance of these items alone is incalculable, not to mention what they would be worth to collectors.” She looked him in the eyes. “It's clear he knew to some extent the meaning behind these objects. So why did he leave them with his grandson, and why did said grandson try to sneak onto a Monarch research site?”

Before Martin could even think of how to respond, an alarm went off.

----------------------------

After that, some stuff happens, I got my things back, small monsters show up, chaos and destruction, Godzilla stands in the bay, and me and Ms. Leana end up at the top of an altar Monarch dug up.

“... I feel like you're skipping a bunch of stuff.”

It was mostly just a lot of running and screaming every curse word I know.

“Ah, yeah, been there. Welcome to the club.”

Are there t-shirts?

“I'm getting some made. What size do you want?”

Put me down for an extra large. Anyway, so me and Ms. Leana are on top of this altar, right?

----------------------------

As the two crested the stairs, Martin could admit that the altar had a pretty good view of the bay. There wasn't a lot at the top. Just a single stone wall to his right with writing on it and a large stone ring in front of him.

“Don't cross that line, Martin,” Leana warned, pointing to a line on the floor. “Everything past that line, I'm told, is radioactive. To a point, it would be lethal to stand in it too long.” She turned to the wall. “I haven't been up here yet.” She gasped. “Martin, look, these symbols match certain pages of your book.”

She sighed.

“Oh, if only we could read them.”

Martin stared at the strange symbols. His hand went to one of the crests now hanging from his neck.

A brow raised.

“Wait,” he mumbled. “I can… I can read this!”

“What?”

The letters glowed, rearranging themselves into a form he could understand.

“Martin,” Leana said with another gasp. “The crest is glowing! It must be somehow tied to the ruins!”

“Its letting me understand the words.”

“Well, what do they say?” she asked giddily.

“To you who now faces the trial of the envoy,” he read slowly. “Show your strength and courage to the King. Let his starfire cleanse you of indecision…”

“Fascinating,” she breathed. “If I had to guess, it must relate to some kind of ritual, most likely towards Godzilla, given the interaction with the crest and the use of the word king.”

“A ritual involving the King of monsters,” Martin mumbled.

He glanced back towards the arch.

“The use of starfire though,” she pondered. “Perhaps, a primitive understanding of his atomic breath?”

“Maybe,” he agreed, walking back over to the line. “Everything past that line is radioactive.”

“Perhaps these supposed ‘envoys’ were meant to stand in that area as a test of courage.”

Somehow, Martin didn't feel that was right. An arch with a direct line to the bay, plus a radioactive area, plus the phrase ‘let his starfire cleanse you of indecision.”, yeah, Martin was starting to get a clearer picture of this ritual.

It seemed Leana was as well, as she suddenly went tense.

“We should go,” she said firmly, almost nervously.

Suddenly there was a loud noise, a sound from the bay. Martin glanced out. Godzilla was looking at the top of the altar.

‘No,’ Martin's brain supplied. ‘He's looking at you.’

Somehow, it felt like the great lizard was locking eyes with him. Martin felt rooted to the spot.

Godzilla let out a roar. His dorsal fins began to glow.

Martin gripped his head.

‘Best grit your teeth, welp!’

A demand. Somehow entering directly into his mind, from the king himself.

“Martin!” Leana called over the roar.

She stood behind him.

“Run, Ms. Leana!”

“Its too late!” she cried. “We'll never make it before he fires!”

As if to prove her point, Godzilla fired directly at the arch.

A single thought entered Martin's head as he threw the sword's sheath aside and raised said sword high above his head.

‘I am about to do something very very stupid.’

The beam approached and Martin swung. 

----------------------------

“Hold up! Wait!” Maddie interrupted. You are telling me that Big G fired his ATOMIC BREATH, a beam as wide as a skyscraper at you, and your reaction is to try to CUT THROUGH the beam like a shonen anime protagonist?!”

Look, no matter how you slice it, I pretty much thought I was gonna die anyway. If I'm gonna go out, I might as well try something cool.

“...fair enough. continue.”

----------------------------

It burned. It burned his arms with the strain. It burned from the heat. It burned his very soul.

Or at least it felt like it.

The strange sword split the beam, diverting it around them.

‘WHY IS THIS WORKING!?’ he mentally screamed.

He held on through the onslaught. He doubted he could have let go even if he wanted to. It felt like his hands were melted to the hilt.

In a seconds that felt like years, the beam finally stopped.

Martin dropped to his knees, panting hard. The now glowing blade was still in his hands. Up his arms were glowing marks, similar to litchenburg figures. The glow from the marks soon receded down towards his hands, like the blade was drawing it out of his skin.

Leana dropped beside him.

“Martin!” she cried. “Are you okay?”

“WHY DID I DO THAT!?” he screamed in a rather manic manner. “AND WHY DID THAT WORK!?”

Another sound brought his eyes to the kaiju out in the bay.

Did… did Godzilla just nod at him.

Apparently Leanna saw it too as she let out an audible gulp.

“C-congrats, Martin,” she stuttered

 “I think you passed the test. You're an envoy to the King.”

“What does that even mean?” he growled.

Leanna helped him stand up. His hands were no longer numb, so he removed one hand from the sword and flexed his fingers.

Leanna grabbed said hand and looked it over.

“The burning looks minimal,” she mumbled as she looked him over. “Rather fascinating given the circumstances.”

Leanna pulled a first aid kit out of her bag and tended to his burned palms.

“We're lucky to be alive,” Martin grumbled. “Overgrown lizard nearly fried us.”

“Careful, Martin,” she teased. “That overgrown lizard is your new king.”

“Well, I didn't vote for him.”

Leanna chuckled. She finished wrapping his hands and put an arm around his shoulder.

“All done,” she stated. “Now let's go before the King decides to test you again.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Really don't want to do that twice today… or ever.”

----------------------------

“After that?” Maddie asked.

Martin looked up at the sky.

“Uh, well,” he began. “After that, we went back into the tunnels, met the monster again, this guy shows up out of nowhere, now somehow small, helps hold down the strange spider creature and I stab it.” He taps his chin. “Think that covers it.”

Maddie stares.

“...oh, is that all,” she says sarcastically.

“Its… kinda all one adrenaline infused blur for me.” He shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint.”

She shakes her head.

“It's fine,” she says with a chuckle. “An envoy to Godzilla.” There's a small amount of awe in her voice. “That sounds so cool.”

“It's really not,” Martin grumbled. “He's cranky, grumpy, won't stop calling me ‘welp’-”

Godzilla growled from his spot.

“What? Why?”

“What did he say?” Maddie asked.

Martin turned to her and looked at her critically.

“He… wants me to give you one of the crests…” ----------------------------

Ctk: From this point, Maddie would get a crest and not need to do a trial because, in Godzilla's ‘words’, ‘the pup already proved her strength when she roared at the Usurper when she was nothing but a hatchling.’.

From there it would be revealed that Godzilla is smaller due to a pact he made with humans long ago, but he can return to normal size briefly if his ‘priestess’ (the titan language doesn't have a direct translation for Maddie's role, so priestess it is.) recites a phrase from Martin's book. (Meaning that big g has a transformation sequence that will be used every episode, usually after Martin spouts a pun related to the monster of the day.)

Godzilla goes on to explain that something is coming, he can feel it, and he needs to gather new envoys, because, as loath as he is to admit it, it will take more than himself to stop it.

Cue action-packed adventures of Martin, Maddie, Leanna, and Godzilla traveling the world, fighting monsters big and small and finding the supposed envoys.

… that's what I got.

This has been a stupid idea from Cody.

So long.

[lostsoulau-ask]

Journal of a Hatter - Getting used to it...

Day: ? Rainy day - Autumn?

It rains today, i'm using my hat as an makeshift umbrella as i write this. And we already felt miserable being stuck here... At least rain water is a "nice" change from this horrible tea we have to drink every day. I think my my entire mouth began to feel numb because of drinking this for... who knows how long...

Day: ? - Cloudy

The rain stopped, for now at the least. Everything on the table is soaked with rain water, even the biscuits… The table look weird, …who or… whatever that was it seemed dangerous, i don'' want to be here when the table comes back alive… if it can. Its Wonderland after all… everything can happen. Everything seems to get smaller by the weeks…. i was sure that Chaos and i were almost the same height. Ill ask the others tomorrow.

Day: ? Some clouds and a bit of sun

…The others told me that it was me that got taller, maybe. My clothes seems to be still intact tho… They probably drank some "Drink me" Bottle without knowing. I maybe ate a "Eat Me" cake too… but hey that's not a lil' drink can't fix. I don't even know why i have that staggering number of "Drink Me" Bottles in my coat pockets. I drank a few without the others notice but nothing happened, …maybe it take time the drink to have an effect in Wonderland. The chair i'm siting in is starting to get really uncomfortable if i sat even for a few minutes Kurabe tells me that its nothing but when i talked back, she looked at me with the most horrifying death stare i have seen from a Raspberry Mouse. Note to self, don't anger her.

Day: ? Cloudy… again

I tried to see how this curse works in more detail while i search for something my height i can sit on without my back hurting. Apparently if we get too far from the table for more than a few minutes (about 5 to 10 minutes) this awful pain comes back and get stronger the longer we are away from it. It can only stop if we sit back at the table. Or if someone take our place apparently.

I heard Fettu falling when i was cleaning my glasses, when we helped her up she looked like she seen a ghost, the other told me that she just got "surprised" because of my lack of eyes. Are they aware of the concept of Glasses ? ...She'll probably also look like a tired mess if she slept in a chair too small for her.

[cirrus-grey]

TMA Dracula AU idea:

(Mostly follows Dracula canon up until this past week or so of Dracula Daily, then diverges, for anyone worried about spoilers)

Peter Lukas is Dracula

Evan Lukas is Jonathan (Harker)

Naomi Herne is Mina

Evan is called to Transylvania as both a solicitor and a distant relative, to help his great-great-some-odd uncle however-many-times-removed buy a house in London

His story mostly follows Jonathan's, except instead of three ghostly Brides there's just Simon hanging around bugging the shit out of Peter and not going away

Martin is Lucy

Instead of being Naomi's old school friend, he's her favorite cousin

Since they're related, and she's engaged, no one raises any 18th century eyebrows at a young man and woman spending a lot of time together unchaperoned

They don't share a room when Naomi visits Martin in Whitby, but their rooms are adjacent and she's a light enough sleeper that she always wakes at the sound of footsteps next door and checks to see if he's sleepwalking

Jon (Sims) fills in for Arthur, Jack, and Quincy, in that he is Martin's only suitor

Except he's not really a suitor for period-typical homophobia reasons so they're just close friends who spend a lot of time together awkwardly avoiding talking about their feelings and blushing whenever they make eye contact

Jon pours his heart out in his journal whenever he gets home

Martin gushes to Naomi, who is both amused and sympathetic

Despite filling in for three people, Jon's story runs closest to Seward's in that he is an academic and a physician who works at the local asylum

He doesn't own the place, though: he's the assistant to Dr. Bouchard, head of the asylum

Their most fascinating patient is J. Magnus, filling the role of Renfield and desperately seeking immortality

Flash forward - Naomi has gone to meet Evan at the hospital; the Tundra, taking the place of the Demeter, has crashed at Whitby; Martin has traveled to London and is getting sicker

Jon volunteers to be the blood donor and stay up overnight watching him, and here is where the plot diverges because-

Where Lucy told Jack to get some sleep on the sofa in the next room, Jon says fuck that! I don't need sleep, I'm fine!

And Martin says well if you're not sleeping than neither am I!

And they both stay up the whole night getting increasingly loopy and giggly and just talking with each other

As dawn breaks they both, inexplicably, feel that it's safe to sleep now, so Jon goes and collapses in the other room while Martin just conks out where he is

And that would have been the end of it and Martin would have been left alone and vulnerable the next night except-

When they finally wake up both Jon and Martin realize that they just spent 8+ hours in each other's company, uninterrupted, and no one questioned it at all

They're still tired and vaguely low on blood but by god, neither of them has ever been in a better mood

Jon decrees it necessary for Martin's recovery that he's not left alone at night and brings a pack of cards with him when he returns so they can play go fish

They both basically become nocturnal, staying up all night hanging out and sleeping from dawn into the early afternoon

This goes on for a week or so and Martin is looking much better

Then, one night, there’s a storm

It's fierce. The wind howls and the windows shake in their frames as though something is trying to get in

Jon stands from his chair, facing the windows with his heart beating hard in his chest

"He is not yours," he says, though he hardly knows why. "You will not have him!"

There is a crash of thunder outside. Fog seems to be slipping in around the windowpanes

"Jon," Martin chokes out, behind him. He is pale in the candlelight, and he is holding one hand to his throat

Jon turns and dives into the bed with him, slipping under the covers to hold him close, to protect him with his own body

"He is not yours!" he screams again. "You are not welcome here!"

And... the fog begins to retreat. It pulls back, through the window and away, like footage played in reverse. The storm weakens and starts to die away, the crashing booms of thunder fading into distant rumbles

Jon and Martin, terrified, exhausted, still clutching each other as though they will never let go, fall asleep in each other's arms

Nothing disturbs their slumber

In the morning they wake face-to-face, pressed together as close as possible under the sheets. And they kiss, with a silent understanding of all they feel for each other

They both suspect that it is safe to sleep at night, now, though Jon still stays over, just in case

Naomi and Evan return, and oh no, now Naomi's getting sick???

Martin's immediately like. That's exactly what happened to me! And Evan, without hesitating, goes: so the cure is I have to give her some of my blood and then stay up with her every night and watch to make sure she's safe? Done, someone stick a tube in my arm, where's the coffee?

Except suddenly Trevor Herbert (he's Van Helsing btw) throws up his hands and is like Fuck. This. Shit. There's vampires afoot, and I'm not standing for it anymore! And he just starts shoving stakes and garlic at everyone and asks if they've seen anything else strange recently

And Jon's like. Well there's this one patient at the hospital who's obsessed with consuming lives to become immortal and also he keeps trying to break into the abandoned church next door and calling for his master, do you think that's related?

And Trevor is like why the fuck didn't you say so before???

They all load up on stakes and go to the asylum to try to find Peter, dreading what they're going to see, but instead of a horror show of blood and death it's...

Jonah Magnus, half-undressed, leaning out of his window as over-sexualized as any vampire's victim could hope to be, being homoerotically fed on by Peter

They're so distracted that Trevor stakes Peter without any trouble at all, and then does Jonah too for good measure

And they all go home

By this point Jon and Martin have had a chance to talk everything over and Jon moves into Martin's home. They're not publicly together, but, well, lots of confirmed bachelors choose to live together for the company these days...

And it turns out Peter really was Evan's uncle, so once all the paperwork gets sorted out he finds himself inheriting quite a hefty fortune and a castle in Transylvania

(He and Naomi sell it as soon as they possibly can. He is quite a good solicitor, after all)

[sapphyreopal5]

I don't mean to be rude but why does it matter so much that j3 have matching tattoos??

Hmmm another Anon who didn't read closely I see, nor do you read my other posts clearly. I made this post more or less because I wanted to make a point that it isn't a J2 thing. Also that what we see with them being all brotherly love and SPN family and such is just smoke and mirrors. I know people don't agree with me on a lot of stuff regarding J2. Heck, someone got uptight with me this morning when I talked about Jared being the third wheel stuff when it comes to JDM and Jensen, but these are just observations and facts. This isn't me being anti Jared, or anti Jensen, or even anti Jeff. I'm just someone who sees past the smoke and mirrors. I'm also tired of the idiots who say "OH HOW CUTE, THEY GOT MATCHING TATTOOS, THEY'RE LIKE BROTHERS!" without reading or hearing the actual story or getting to know the actual context. For anyone who is interested in what Anon is talking about, this is the post that went live last night on Mother's Day, 5/12/2024 at 6:45pm EST.

Also, since you're probably not real familiar with my blog, I consider this a bit more of an e-journal with my spiritual experiences, divination, interpretation of things, etc. and how they tie to things relevant to my interests and such than anything else at this point that I happen to interact with people on sometimes. If someone likes my stuff or comments on it or sends me asks about it, great! It makes this a whole lot more fun for me and them too (and it helps people understand their own experiences more). But if not, meh... this stuff is more for me and perhaps anyone else who happens to be interested. I'm not here to become super popular unlike what some have said of me in the past. To each their own I say.

I've been finding that my feeling compelled to make certain posts at certain times has been because of manifestations that are about to come. Timing is everything they say, right? In the case of the post you're talking about, merely a few min after I hit "post", I walked out of the car (as I was being driven to a restaurant for mother's day dinner) and did see someone with Down Syndrome. Also, it happened to be my son's birthday yesterday at the same time. He and one other person at the restaurant had a birthday today. Of course, the neon sign the staff at the restaurant held while singing to my son AND the other person has a crown on it.

Also, the table I was seated at was C12. If we wanted to throw in the numerical value of C as far as the alphabet goes, this could be read as 312, or 3 and 12 ('cause 3 kings and 1+2=3 in numerology). As an added bonus, the server's name was Justin. I said in multiple posts how I believe 11 is a bad luck number for Jensen... but suggested 12 maybe a good luck number for him in this post here with respect to Justin and Jensen on Tracker (new J2 in the making?). I talked about the number 12 being good for Jensen with respect to him joining Justin Hartley's show Tracker as Russell Shaw, Colter's brother he was estranged from for 20 years. Funny how timing of things work out, isn't it?

As I'm getting close to posting this on 5/13/2024 at 3:48pm EST, my best friend told me at 3:41pm EST the following: "Omg girl I just saw a sticker on a car that shows stick figures of the family with the names? The parents names? Justin and Jenny" and my personal favorite which was literally JUST as I was typing about 312 being the numerical value of C12 the number number I was seated at in the last paragraph above... "SHUT THE FUCK UP WE HAVE 312 MILES TO GO I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!"

Because I also blog about numerology and with the possible ulterior motive on my part to deter other Anons who come at me with borderline rude asks without reading more closely, I'm gonna talk about the numerology of 312 below. This info is from Astrology.com.

Numerology Meaning of Angel Number 312 Angel Number 312 is a combination of the energies and vibrations of Number 3, Number 1, and Number 2. Number 3 relates to optimism, creativity, self-expression, and communication. Number 1 represents new beginnings, independence, leadership, and motivation. Number 2 resonates with balance, harmony, partnerships, and relationships. When these numbers are combined, Angel Number 312 signifies that you need to stay positive and trust your instincts as you embrace new beginnings and take charge of your life. Communication and relationships are also important, so keep your lines of communication open. Meaning of Seeing Angel Number 312 Seeing Angel Number 312 is a message from the angels to help you stay true to yourself and your vision. It may also indicate that positive changes are on the horizon, and you should trust the universe to guide you in the right direction. The angels may also be reminding you to pay attention to your relationships, and to trust your intuition if something doesn't feel quite right. Additionally, seeing Angel Number 312 may also be a sign to focus on your career and financial goals with a clear mind and positive attitude. Love and Relationships Meaning of Angel Number 312 Angel Number 312 may indicate that changes are coming in your love life. Whether you're single or in a relationship, trust that the universe has a plan for your romantic life. If you're in a relationship, this number sequence is a reminder to communicate openly and honestly with your partner while maintaining balance and harmony in the relationship. If you're single, seeing Angel Number 312 may be a sign that new beginnings and positive changes are on the horizon in terms of your love life. Trust that the universe is guiding you towards the perfect partner. Money and Career Meaning of Angel Number 312 Angel Number 312 is a positive sign when it comes to your money and career. It indicates that new opportunities and success are on the horizon, so stay positive and trust the universe to lead you towards financial abundance. This number may also indicate that you need to communicate effectively in your work life. Trust your instincts, stay motivated, and take charge of your career path to achieve success and fulfilment. Summary of Angel Number 312 In summary, Angel Number 312 is a powerful message from the angels and universe that signifies new beginnings, communication, partnerships, and trust in the divine plan. Trust your instincts, stay positive, and focus on your intentions to attract abundance in all areas of your life.

[cherryleehernandez]

Hello!! I saw that your requests were open. I wanted to ask for a Hunter x F! Reader? I just wanna read something kinda heart-wrenching lol. I don't mind the plot too much but if you could please write a really angsty and then fluffy one-shot that would be very very cool! Thank you! <3

Hunter had been kinda distant lately, it was…weird. He’s usually been very social in the past but something’s wrong.

Y/n tried talking to him about it but he would just brush it off. “I’m ok, just tired is all.” “There’s no need to worry about me!” “I’m fine.” He gave so many excuses but none of them were believable.

So Y/n took matters into her own hands, she went digging for clues. She needed to know what was wrong, and she was gonna find out.

On her search for answers she found Hunters journal, which she’d promised to never read, but this was important. Who knows what he’s planning? He could get hurt, or worse. She looked around to make sure no one was looking and then started to read.

“March 8th xxxx,

"I’m leaving, I can’t stay here. I don’t understand why everyone is so nice to me, I’ve done terrible things to all of them! It’ll only hurt them again if I stay, and I think I’ve done enough damage. After dinner tomorrow I’ll leave when everyone’s gone to bed. I can’t pretend like everything is ok anymore.”

Oh.

So that’s it.

He’s just gonna leave? Wait… it’s the 9th! Shit-

She scrambled to call grab her phone to call him, hoping he’ll pick up the phone. She dialed the number with her fingers crossed.

“Pick up hunter…please.”

After a while of ringing they thought it was gonna go to voicemail, but he eventually picked up.

“Hello?” His grumbled voice answered.

"Where are you?!" y/n practically screeched. She then heard Hunter sigh on the other end, probably trying to get himself to talk. He has a funny habit of not talking when he's upset.

"Oh, so you saw my note huh?" He said trying to cover up how shaken he is with a chuckle.

"Yeah! I saw your note. Now, where are you?" y/n demanded from him.

"I- I'm by the lake, I just..." He stammered.

"You have nothing to make excuses for, I'll be there soon." She said calmly hanging up the phone. 'that ridiculous boy' she thought to herself as she got ready to leave.

It didn’t take long to get there, but she was nervous the whole time. Sure she was all calm earlier but now she's afraid to say the wrong thing? What if she says something that makes him wanna leave even more?

y/n was almost there when she heard sniffling. 'It's Hunter' she thought as she sprinted to where she heard him. She was almost there when she tripped and fell on a rock. As y/n was getting up she heard a half laugh half cry above her, she looked up to see Hunter holding out a hand.

she clasped their hands together as he pulled her up into him. y/n's arms flew around him, holding him close. Afraid that if she loosened her grip for even a moment he would slip through her fingers.

"How could you leave!" she cried, hot tears pooling in her eyes.

"I... can't forget all the terrible things I did, even if it was because of Belos I still did them! and I hurt a lot of people. I don't deserve to be with all of you, especially you y/n." Hunter admitted as the two of you cried in each other's arms

"I wish you would've talked to someone about how you were feeling. but you told me now, I'm proud of you Hunter. I want you to know that I think you deserve to stay with us, I want you to. id be heartbroken if you left." y/n said with enough conviction to shake the whole iles

"Really?" Hunter questioned as he leaned back to look at her, looking for anything that told him she wasn't being sincere.

"Really." she said with a smile.

They looked at each other for a while before Hunter leaned in to give her a soft kiss on the cheek, only then to bury his face in Y/n's chest out of embarrassment. It'll be a long time before Hunter truly forgives himself, but until then he has people who love him by his side.

[lovelymindescape]

Hi, this is for our LOTR matchup trade!

I’m Tori, a 20 year old autistic girl (pronouns she/her) who would prefer a ship with a man. Also, I tend to prefer the humans in middle earth (so like Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir and Eomer) so if you could kindly ship me with one of them specifically I’d be very grateful.

I’m really short, only like 4’ 10” (142 cm) with wild, long and wavy auburn hair and really light blue eyes. I’m slender but very toned, and I also wear glasses. I'm pretty neutral about both my appearance and myself in general and I don't think I genuinely hate anything about myself. I'm generally neutral about most things actually. I have chronic joint pain all over, scoliosis and some other illnesses but I stay very active regardless. I’m really polite and try my hardest to be nice to everyone, but if you cross me or give me a bad vibe I can be a little cold and aloof. I’m a tad awkward, but I’ve been told I can be charming and I’m really good at making others laugh with witty comments. I tell amazing stories because I've had a lot of experience with different things during my life. I’m very generous and don’t mind helping others or doing nice things for them. I’m also extremely energetic and always have to be doing something, to the point where I’m honestly not sure I really know how to rest. My friends say I give really good advice and am very wise, and also that I have warm, inviting energy. I could lowkey befriend anyone if I really tried. Though I'm also very sensitive and don't enjoy being teased too much, so I don't tease people much either. I hate seeing people, or really anything, upset.

Where I really shine is with my large number of hobbies and interests. Because I always like to keep busy, I have a lot of different activities and side gigs to keep me occupied. In Middle Earth, I’d probably be some sort of ranger who picks up a bunch of odd jobs here and there. I currently work as a librarian but my other hobbies include:

🦉 Falconry & befriending crows

🦉 Caring for horses (I've always been a horse girl lol)

🦉 Cheesemaking, Cooking and Baking

🦉 Gardening and Plant Identification

🦉 Writing, Journaling and Drawing

🦉 Sewing

And a couple other things. I’m generally a very skilled, knowledgeable person and I’m very proud of it. I love being outside and can’t stand being cooped up indoors for too long. However, I do enjoy having somewhere nice to return to when I get tired from being outside all day.

Alright, I think that’s about it! Thank you so so much, take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

Hey , i'm so so so so sorry it took so long , but i had stress the last days and forgot about it <3 anymore i hope you like this

I ship you with

ARAGORN

your both rangers so that works

you probably met while you both were roaming around middelearth

you had the same route for awhile so you stayed together

you parted the work you had like , you would cook while he looked out for possible danger , then you would eat and you both switch

he soon was considerate to your illnesses and would have respect for what you do even with this

he would love that you are neutral about most things cause he kinda don't likes people who are

before you'd go to bed you would tell eachother stories

he would make you rest even if you don't want to

when decisions would get make he would ask you before anyone else

the confession was very blunt but calm while you to were heading to the next stop to sleep

it's basically the same afterwards but with more romance <3

he would be impressed by how much hobbies you had and always ask if he could help somehow

if your being to nice to someone , who doesn't is very nice , he would step in

he throw compliements and i love you's at the most random times

all in all it's a loving, protecting and supportive relationship

It's a bit short i know , i hope you liked it

[carolmunson]

vacation diaries - entry five

eddie keeps a journal while at the inn with you in northern indiana. a blurb series starting from the first morning after ’before there was a before’.

entries: one,two,three,four read steve’s journal: here. 'hear' the phonecall: here. warnings: 18+, minors dni for adult themes, references of abuse

i thought we finally made it somewhere. just when she was starting to do okay, to show a little confidence, he had to take it from her. she was so quiet all day and no matter how many times she told me that this morning she had 'happy tears', i can't help but not believe her. she was so caught up in replaying whatever they talked about in her head on a loop. i could see it in her eyes. disecting it like a frog in science class, like there were hidden meanings she couldn't figure out.

when i asked why she was crying she said it was because he wasn't mad at her. and she just doesn't understand why this kind of shit isn't okay.

and i know he didn't do it on purpose. like, of course he didn't. he didn't think she was gonna answer the phone. but god damn. i had to do all those deep breathing exercises they taught me at anger management back in '87.

i called him back because i'm not an asshole and he's still my best friend. he got fired and i'm not surprised, but now he wants to work for a friend of his dads and i don't think that's a good idea for him at all. bill makes him insane, so why take a job that puts you directly on the bill pipeline? he doesn't even like law. he hated getting his paralegal certs. he's better at finance, he should just start looking for jobs there. there's more money there anyway and he'd be good at it. he'd have something to work towards. he said he'll ask bill about it, how he wants to try and fix their relationship.

i feel like bill is the last person he needs to mend his relationship with. god forbid he ends up more like him.

he apologized for talking to her and i know he means it but i'm so afraid that this is temporary for him like it was last time. he'll be sweet enough to get her to stay and then she won't know to leave until she's chest deep. i can only keep saving her for so long until i need someone to come save me too.

i don't know how long i can keep doing this. even though i know i love her. i love him, too. but where do i fit in outside of being her savior? the safety net? they both look at me to fix whatever is going on between the two of them. who's taking care of me? i'm so tired.

it snowed so much today that we just hung out here and played old board games with the old folks.

she kept giving me kisses.

but she stopped holding my hand.

-ed

[rigaudon]

highly controversial (esp for tumblr) take under the cut, brought to you by me, less than 24 hours after running out of my antidepressants

i hate the continued trend of "quirkifying" (thing i made up just now) mental illness, but I especially hate how recently tumblr has latched onto, specifically, adhd and autism and turned them into personality types that people slap on a name tag to show off how unique they are. I hate that being neurodivergent has become the go-to excuse for terminally online people to justify their shitty behavior. I hate the sentiment that being unmedicated is something to be proud of. I hate that wanting to be fucking normal is a cardinal sin, because ew why would you want to be like those boring neurotypicals.

I hate it. I want to be normal. I started taking medication for ADHD when I was four years old and I have never, not once in my life, thought it was a Fun Thing To have. I hate that I've spent the last 15 years slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably--no almost definitely--autistic, but am still vehemently opposed to it and unable to reconcile that fact despite all the evidence. I don't want to be autistic. I don't want to have adhd. I don't want to make these things a part of my identity that I share with people in the same breath as I talk about my favorite video games or dnd class.

It's not fun. It's not a cute, exclusive club you get to be part of.

It's miserable and alienating and people don't take it seriously. Because you're just lazy and not trying hard enough. Why haven't you done this task you promised you'd do six months ago. Why did you fail out of college? Why did you squander that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Why don't you finish anything you start? Having a low attention span isn't an excuse to not communicate like a normal person. I've had to tell you this five times why can't you just remember? Why can't you save any money? Why are you so fucking weird? Don't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?

Why can't you Just Be Normal?

I would give anything to just be a shitty, irresponsible person who makes bad decisions out of carelessness or lack of empathy. I would give anything to be a "boring neurotypical". Because I could work on that. I could become a better person. i could learn from my mistakes and have that actually mean something practically rather than just cognitively.

It's an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Accepting that my brain just does not work correctly and no amount of positive thinking, or bullet journaling, or time management skills, or even medication will fix it. It will always be a struggle. It will always be a ten ton weight shackled to my ankles that I have to drag behind me through any task that doesn't result in instant gratification. There will never be a permanent solution. I will never wake up one day and suddenly be able to do these basic fucking tasks that everyone else does without issue. I will always have to remind myself to brush my teeth, or to eat breakfast, or to take a shower, or to make sure my cats get fed. It will always be an ordeal to get the mail or to go grocery shopping or to keep myself from sabotaging every good thing in my life for the umpteenth time.

It's exhausting. I'm so tired. I'm so sick of fighting against myself every waking moment of every single day. I'm so sick of being told that I don't deserve any kind of accommodations or allowances or compromises and there is no excuse because "everyone else has to do these things and you don't get special treatment".

I don't want special treatment. I don't want everything different or "wrong" with me to be painted on my skin in bright red ink for everyone to see. I don't want to be reduced to a bunch of boxes so people can just glance at the labels and decide that's all they need to know about me. I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be different. I want to fucking blend in and be unremarkable and boring.

I just want to be fucking normal.

[estelofrivendell]

Hi! Here's my description for the matchup trade, thank you so much again for doing this!

I’m Tori, a 20 year old autistic girl (pronouns she/her) who would prefer a ship with a man. Also, I tend to prefer the humans in middle earth (so like Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir and Eomer) so if you could kindly ship me with one of them specifically I’d be very grateful.

I’m really short, only like 4’ 10” (142 cm) with wild, long and wavy auburn hair and really light blue eyes. I’m slender but very toned, and I also wear glasses. I'm pretty neutral about both my appearance and myself in general and I don't think I genuinely hate anything about myself. I'm generally neutral about most things actually, it takes a lot to make me mad and even then I'm good at controlling my emotions. I have chronic joint pain all over, scoliosis and some other illnesses but I stay very active regardless. I’m really polite and try my hardest to be nice to everyone, but if you cross me or give me a bad vibe I can be a little cold and aloof. I’m a tad awkward, but I’ve been told I can be charming and I’m really good at making others laugh with witty comments. I tell amazing stories because I've had a lot of experience with different things during my life. I’m very generous and don’t mind helping others or doing nice things for them. I’m also extremely energetic and always have to be doing something, to the point where I’m honestly not sure I really know how to rest. My friends say I give really good advice and am very wise, and also that I have warm, inviting energy. I could lowkey befriend anyone if I really tried. Though I'm also very sensitive and don't enjoy being teased too much, so I don't tease others either. I also hate seeing people, or really anything, upset.

Where I really shine is with my large number of hobbies and interests. Because I always like to keep busy, I have a lot of different activities and side gigs to keep me occupied. In Middle Earth, I’d probably be some sort of ranger who picks up a bunch of odd jobs here and there. I currently work as a librarian but my other hobbies include:

🦉 Falconry & befriending crows

🦉 Caring for horses (I've always been a horse girl lol)

🦉 Cheesemaking, Cooking and Baking

🦉 Gardening and Plant Identification

🦉 Writing, Journaling and Drawing

🦉 Sewing

And a couple other things. I’m generally a very skilled, knowledgeable person and I’m very proud of it. I love being outside and can’t stand being cooped up indoors for too long. However, I do enjoy having somewhere nice to return to when I get tired from being outside all day.

Alright, I think that’s about it! Thank you so so much, take care of yourself and drink lots of water!

I ship you with Faramir!

If anyone is going to be understanding of a chronically ill S/O, then it is Faramir. He's very patient and overall a wonderful human being. You still trying your hardest to remain as active as possible despite the difficulties makes him appreciate you more since that is certainly not an easy task. He finds your auburn hair very fascinating since it's a rare colour regardless of country and how wild it is. Gondorians are taller than average so he finds your short stature intriguing because the shorter end of their people are most likely taller than you. What he loves about you the most is not your appearance but your gentle heart; he loves how generous you are and that is the trait he values the most. He believes selfishness and lack of patience will not get anyone anywhere and seeing you helping others even if they did not ask for any help is when he discovered your good heart. He is as wise and knowledgable as you are and also gives good advice that it is no surprise to anyone to learn you two tend to go to each other first for counsel instead of anyone else.

He's more reserved than awkward nor does sound to be a very humourous person so your relationship would bring jokes, wit and laughs that Faramir never knew he needed and Boromir makes a comment how his brother is starting to gain a good sense of humour. Your approachability and unwillingness to tease others also puts him at ease as he is the kind to avoid anyone that proves to be completely unapproachable, and has had a lot of experience with others berating him. He asks a lot about your hobbies and skills (especially befriending crows) not because he knows nothing about them but because he wanted to see and hear about it from your perspective. He shares all the hobbies you listed (except for falconry, befriending crows and caring for horses) and he would ask for permission to read your stories and even help you with it. I think he's into poetry and would share his own with you, and maybe some of them are even about you ;) I also can see him helping you with cooking and baking especially for a really big meal, and is genuinely interested in learning about gardening and identifying plants. All in all, he only seeks a simple life away from war and destruction and he believes he can have that with you since what you do reminds him of the good things life has to offer.