#i dont even care about doing things 'of worth' i just wanna do good enough that ppl would like to help me not kms

[berrymeter]

i'm prob too shit at art for anyone who isn't a friend of mine to want to comm me... it's ok tho!! i'm normal abt it

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

[sporesgalaxy]

I know this is something u were probably asked before but as the guy that has a good relationship with art....how do you do that??? I mean I get that this question is vague but how do you not care if it looks bad? Do you just?? Keep on going till it looks like you want it to look? Despite the agonies? You seem like you enjoy talking abt this thats why im asking, dont feel the need to answer if u dont wanna

hmmmm. You know, I don't think about the agonies much these days. But it's not that I don't care. I guess I've become a freak who sees beauty in the agonies, sorta? It's kind of complicated! I will do my best to explain!

First of all, I know that I have the unfair advantage of having no ambition. I don't have a goal for my art besides making art when I feel like it. That makes it easy to be less judgemental-- I remember having a rockier relationship to my own art during the time when I thought I would make it my career.

This is why I like talking about my perspective, though!! I think it's important to try not to let yourself be consumed by self-criticism as an artist, even if self-criticism is necessary for you, and hopefully my carefree way of looking at things can help balance things out haha.

Anyways, ambition or not-- and I know how this sounds but bear with me-- art doesn't ever look bad.

(Barring ethically harmful art, ugh, I don't want to get into ethics so just-- surely you know what I mean!!!)

Art gets a lot less stressful if you can tell yourself that no art is bad, and remember the reasoning behind that until you really believe it. It isn't a fast process, but it's very worth the work.

The truth is that art either looks how you want it to look, or it looks different from the way you want it to look, but both are ultimately neutral. You CAN make art that looks different from what you wanted, that you still feel pleased with.

When art looks different from how you wanted, the gut reaction you have is often to call it bad or get frustrated. And of course it's frustrating! Maybe you feel it's not as effective at communicating something as you'd hoped, or you feel it's not as visually impactful as you imagined...but it's important to remember those things are only your perception. Not an objective fact. And art is a two-way street! A communication between creator and observer! And communication is really weird and complicated.

•••

Other people's perception of your work won't ever be exactly the same as yours. Sometimes this is desireable and sometimes it isn't! Maybe your art will communicate the thing better to someone than anything they've ever seen-- even if a more effective version could theoretically exist, the "imperfect" version that actually exists and communicates is all that matters to the observer. Or, maybe a feature that turned out exactly how you wanted it to will fly completely over an observer's head, and not have the effect you wanted at all. A lot of the time, you'll never even know.

An artist can NEVER fully control an observer's perspective, so at a certain point you have to live with what you have. You already do this, to some degree, if you have ever EVER decided to stop working on a piece of art and share it. You can always keep adding to something. You can always keep editing. But sometimes, you stop. And perfection doesn't exist, so when you stop it must be because the art is good enough for now. And nothing about "good enough" is objective!

And is that really so bad? Surely people who grow fruit understand that a fruit which is smaller than they imagined can still feed somebody-- that at the very least it will feed bugs and microorganisms and be useful as fertilizer to grow more apples. Your art still means something, still accomplishes something, is still worth making whether it turns out how you imagined or not.

A lot of art is learning when to quit and move on. As a habitual perfectionist, this was something I had to learn early, to stop myself from erasing holes into every piece of paper I drew on.

There's this rule I was taught in middle school drama class: if you fuck up, act like you didn't fuck up. The audience doesn't have your script memorized, so odds are they won't have any idea you fucked up unless you tell them. Other art works the same way. No one knows what you wanted to make but you. And more importantly, a "perfect" version of your art doesn't exist (no "perfect" version of anyone's art exists, or ever will).

The version you made exists, so you have to find what's worth loving about that version. You have found what's worth loving in the imperfect art of others many times. Many observers will treat your art the same way you treat others' art. Why not treat your own art that way, too?

It sounds really REALLY corny, but I try not to think of this as embracing "mistakes." I think of it as celebrating coincidences.

I really really like coincidences. I like that every circumstance wasn't guaranteed to happen, that everything comes down to chance. I think all the little random things are beautiful because they turned out however they did, and not any of the millions of other ways things might have turned out. It's a coincidence that my genes expressed the way they did. It's a coincidence that my parents met in college. It's a coincidence that my oldest friend and I both got to middle school early every day, and stayed close even when we didn't share any classes.

Art is full of coincidences! I try to draw a straight line. The line does not turn out straight, because of the way my hand is shaped and the way my muscles contracted, because my body is not exactly like anyone else's in the world. No one else would have drawn that slightly not-straight line just exactly how I did. It's mine, and it's crookedness is what makes my art mine. Okay, maybe it's a little too crooked for what I want this time-- I'll erase it and draw a new crooked line at a bit of a different angle. There we go, I like that! Now it's my beautiful, irreplaceable crooked line! And the ghost of its predecessor guides the eye just so, and no one else's two crooked lines would guide your eye the same way, only mine! Isn't that nice on its own? Just to have made something that can't ever be replicated? To have made something no one else has ever made before?

You can also apply this in a bit less dreamy and more practical ways, I promise haha.

For example...I've never been a canvas flipper, as a digital character artist. I don't mirror my canvases to see if they still look preportional to me from either direction. I also don't usually draw visual novel character sprites that need to look good mirrored in either direction to serve their function, so it's never been a practical concern of mine.

I consider many kinds of distortion on a character I've drawn to be a good part of the visual flow of the image. Like a smear frame in animation, distoriton in the right places can make character art look dynamic and energized because it can lead the eye through a certain visual flow over the form of the character. If I were to flip the canvas, that eye-leading effect might hit differently because my American eye is used to reading from left to right-- perhaps it doesn't feel as "smooth" going in the opposite direction. This doesn't mean I need to change the distortion necessarily, it just means I prefer not to flip the canvas.

Often, these distortions aren't intentional. They're a coincidence of how my muscles move as I draw, and the areas my left-to-right American eyeballs instinctively pay more attention to. But the effect is still desireable to me. So, happy coincidence!

I think...that's the best I've got for now? Feel free to ask for clarification. I hope it's not total nonsense!

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Hello! Firstly I wanted to say that I'm an old fan since your overwatch days and I've always admired how much depth you're giving all the characters and relationships you touch! I'm talking like, mariana trench DEPTHS. And how confident you seem about just doing the things you enjoy and exploring the themes you want? I really respect that.

I'm having a bit of an art crisis recently and I was wondering If you could offer some advice?

I'm thinking about self-indulgence in art, particularly fanart. I like to dive in deep to expand on characters, I find it as enjoyable as creating my own work. But I fear of people getting angry at me for latching onto these characters, thay they'll say the original work wasn't THAT deep, or that I'm completely wrong or cringe or whatever. And I don't care about being right or anything, I just want to have fun here and tell my little stories? :( The fear is making me keep the work to myself and I don't know what to do. Would it be better to just enjoy it on my own?

Your blog really is goals when it comes to that, so I'll respect your opinion a lot. Thank you for your time!

holy moly thank you so much for your sincerity first of all!! Second, this is making me misty eyed ngl!! I have alot to say about this so i shall put it under a read more bc im gonna ramble

If someone cares about you fixating on your fave characters, then they're usually the fucking weirdos in this situation if they dont just block you and move on. I LOVE making shit up about my faves like i have a modern au hc that kakashi and gai are ddr competition rivals and i gave yeehan 7 dogs just for funsies!! we were in the trenches in early overwatch making up our own lore bc there was none and it was so fun

I've always been like that now that i look back bc when i first started uploading my shitty ms paint fanart on deviant art in like 2006(naruto funnily enough we've come full circle) i was still drawing cringey shit /I/ wanted to see. I don't agree with almost all of it today, but i remember the fun i had while making it, and that's really the trick. Drawing what you personally want to see then people can come and go audience wise. If they like it, they like it, if they dont? oh well! There's people who still follow me from when i was 14 and i follow them even tho we're in completely different spaces now.

The fanart part i vibe with personally bc im really bad at coming up with totally original work and premises. i much prefer having pre-established rules and worlds to work with (plus the characters i love getting massacred in the writing i HAVE to save them)

Just existing online will garner you mean comments or asks, and my best advice is its not worth it to take the bait even if its absolutely absurd and wrong, i just block and go now, and im much happier :) this all being, of course, as long as what you're doing isnt harmful, bc even with good intentions, you'll mess up/blunder eventually. If the heat gets too much for you, no one will judge you for withdrawing your art from social media. thats a perfectly safe thing to do to keep it for yourself.

As an adult, shits not that serious im 28 drawing naruto fanart bc it makes me happy after a long day of work, so have fun!! art's supposed to be fun don't let the fear win i love sharing my art with strangers on the internet!! Hope this made any sense at all and I wish you the best, my friend!!! If you ever wanna dm me, feel free

[angidrawingstuff]

Faba Headcanons (mainly past)

Just wanted to get some headcanons down for my imaginations of Fabas Past and random HCs for my Story. (⚠WARNING⚠ . There are a lot of different sensitive topics that are not suited for everyone so please stay safe)

If you see any weird writing mistakes or bad wording, I am sorry :") I easily do typos without noticing and English isnt my first language

-Faba comes from a very unloving home where nothing he did was ever good enough for his parents. When he did well it was just accepted but never acknowledged. When he did mistakes on the other hand he was mostly treated like the scum of the family. But Child Faba still wanted to do his best and make his parents happy even if it was all in vain.

-Petrel and Faba are brothers in this Story, but unlike Faba, Petrel was sick of getting treated like trash, got connections to Team Rocket through the Internet, stole some money and left the Alola Region to join Team Rocket where he was atleast worth something. Their parents didnt care and only used this situation to put Faba under even pressure. "Do your best. You dont want to end up as a criminal as your brother, dont you??" (Faba did crime in the future anyway. yay. Also cant wait for Faba and Petrel to meet again)

-Faba has actually a very bad immune system, is often sick, can't do sports well and is exhausted quite easily. (But his parents didn't care and still forced him to do well and go over his limits)

-Since Faba didnt got any love from anyone, had no friends in school since he was always just the awkward silent depressed kid, he cried pretty often and wished to just shut his head off. After meeting his Drowzee he sometimes asked it to use hypnosis on him so he would fall asleep and stop thinking about how little he is worth. (I have an Angst Comic Idea for this where Adult Faba gets a Flashback of this and jdhufb my heart is aching already because it will be sad but cute in the end)

-He met his Drowzee during a school break in middle school. Some classmates were playing with their Pokemon, while Faba didnt had a single one and was just watching while eating a little. But then a Drowzee came out of nowhere and most of the kids suddenly screamed that theres an evil Pokemon attacking them. They attacked the Drowzee out of fear (because we all know what Drowzee and Hypno are known for), making the Drowzee run away. But..Faba noticed it looked very sad as it left. So Faba walked after it and found it hiding under a tree. The Drowzee panicked once it saw the child and put its little arms protectively over its head. Faba did nothing and let the Drowzee realise that he doesnt want anything bad. This made the Pokemon turn around slowly and saw that the human was offering a little of his food to him, which it happily ate after hesitating a little. Faba took a seat next to the Drowzee, comforting it a bit more and realised it only wanted to play with the other people and pokemon but got treated badly because it was a Drowzee. They quickly became friends and met in nearly any school break until Faba catched it. (I also really wanna draw this as Comic REEEEE)

-Fabas narcissism became a thing after getting to know Drowzee. His first and only friend he ever had. That Pokemon gave him something to fight for in his life but the neglect and ab*se that his parents made him go through nearly every day made it very very difficult. So he started to love himself forcefully and take pride in the things he can do well. At the beginning he could only be prideful of his intelligence but over many many years he became proudful in everything and threw the blame always on someone else when a mistake happend. He became blind by his forceful and fake pride and wanted to proof himself and others that he is a great mastermind...AND THEN DID A BUNCH OF ILLEGAL THINGS LIKE THE POKEMON EXPERIMENTS AND SO ON...YAY!! (Idiot //affec)

-He and his nowadays Hypno are very very loyal to each other. Hypno does literally anything he says. Hypno is also VERY overprotective of Faba since it doesnt want anyone to hurt him as in the past. Colress had a tough time getting its trust but after a long while Hypno knew he could trust Colress.

-Faba is super well with Pokemon that get easily judged and are very feared since he got always ignored and outcasted too

-After Faba was forgiven he actually got hit by depression, a huge amount of guilt, waves of flashbacks and an eating disorder (that he all hides behind acting prideful and acting fine as nothing ever happend). This happend because he couldnt accept that his co-workers were so nice to him and let him stay in the Aether Foundation. Realising the crimes he did because of his Narcississm remembered him that his parents were always right- He is actually just a nothing, a loser that only does mistakes, a scum that actually should just disappear from earth.

-I like the headcanon that Faba does Drag so I add it here too. With the only difference that the Faba for my Story stopped doing it after getting hit with depression and Anorexia. He became unhealthyly thin and rather worked while forgetting/ having no urge to eat. It made him think that his body is very unpleasant and stopped having fun with drag. Thanks to Colress he will start living healthier again slowly and by time, hopefully, show him his love for drag again.

In conclusion he was a very depressed unloved man but thanks to USUM Colress`s Sweetness he will slowly be okay <3 he needs hugs. a lot.

[binalakai]

sometimes i really wanna speak up against whats its like to recognize gaslighting and abuse and manipulation right in front of you no matter how much concrete proof you have . you can have recordings, screenshots, witnesses, everything in the world. but suddenly YOURE the bad awful person for being paranoid about those things in the first place. YOURE the shitty one for trying to form safety nets in case you recognize patterns and try to make do with what you can to survive in a chaotic situation its what i feel like i was born for, like ive been preparing my entire life for it. . i couldnt avoid it both on and offline. thats just been my entire life, of having concepts and experiences im supposed to make sense of and being told that whatever i have just isnt true. or even if it is True "it just isnt fair. its just not fair to human beings just trying to grow" as if the people around you trying to grow too are just stepping stones towards a comfortably uncomfortable guilty conscious that Just ...makes sense to have for some reason???? it feels weird growing up in a world that's trying to change too as much as you are. with maybe a handful of people that genuinely are trying. and failing, but trying really hard to be good people because thats whats Easy to Want. HARD to do but really really Easy to want because its expected and taught and celebrated to be that way. i have to respect it but. man u also gotta remember that people are, most of the time, happy with what they believe.. even if it means Sacrificing that Very Ideology. ironically enough they can be the same people that crave goodness as much as they betray it.. as much as they can sometimes even excuse their want for goodness to commit unforgivable actions. even when things get better its hard to disregard when times were worse and not knowing why it had to be that way. and unless you really jeopardize your own safety and privacy, and lose loved ones you really care about in the process because of Differences in Values/Morals, all for the sake of a self perceived Form of control and Agency over your life...it truly isnt fucking worth it. defending yourself. youre free to argue against me saying that there is merit in standing up for yourself but until you're in a space with open minded people that wont openly deny whats in front of them its. torture nearly. to deal with that. im lucky that i care more about my ideas than people. people are just numbers but the types of people u can find yourself surrounded with from caring about your own ideas truly is in control of your Own hands.,,,most of the time. i am in awe completely over people that are okay with being the victim. im even baffled by people that find some sort of safety in that, like its something to be proud of.. or people that will straight up find Comfort in believing that they are a victim of something even when the things that theyve done are completely by their own hand. i find the identity of being a "victim" exhausting and horrible to live with. therefore i actively choose to Not Be It even when i know in objective terms that I am, that's not what *my* reality tells me. so i dont.

[blole-hack]

My magical guide to get yourself out of bitchlessness. For men, for women, for everybody no matter who you are and who you wanna date.

bitches be like "GET PEOPLE TO WANT TO DATE YOU DO BY DOING THIS, THIS, THAT, THIS, THIS"

me, tired aroace (angled) who has to actively avoid people from being attracted to him (because amatonormative society eyy): Look What They Need to Mimic a Fraction of My Power

So........u want my power? or at least what im talking about having because you don't believe me? fair tbh. dont believe everything you see

ok here's the shit:

HOW TO BECOME QUALIFIED FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP:

1 - Just be a good person, don't be an asshole and take care of yourself, be authentically compassionate and respectful to yourself and to others, that's literally it. you'll find somebody good somehow.

2 - Don't let your loneliness and date hunger and obsession with relationships get in the way of you living authentically.

Ok, people are gonna be like "but i can get a relationship without having to do that shit (the last part especially)"

Yea, but are you really living fully while doing that?

Getting in a relationship is the easy part. Exercising and getting a glow up's the easy part. Acting as someone other people would be attracted to is the easy part. Why? because it's actionable and it has steps that could easily become clear! It just takes a little bit of research and commitment. But its bull crap if it doesn't truly come from you. Not just bull crap to them but bull crap to you.

What's hard is if you don't know yet is actually getting a healthy one. What's harder is being yourself. What's harder is building yourself and knowing yourself.

Dating is just a fraction of your life guys. Two people's lives can't/probably shouldn't perfectly coincide especially since you've been living your separate lives at first

Living a nice healthy life in the first place before ending up with someone while you're dysfunctional and fully believing your worth and your quality of personhood is entirely dependent on whether or not you can get into relationships

And of course you can, logically get into a relationship

Intrinsically, mathematically, it's fucking possible dawg. dont give yourself any of that "its hopeless for me SPECIFICALLY because IM A BEING BENEATH OTHER HUMANS. actually, iM TRASH, NOT EVEN HUMAN"

because DAWG

1- you're a human being

2- humans are attracted to nearly every kind of human being

3- and even if theyre not attracted some people still wanna get into relationship

boom see??? you mathematically already fit the bill. stop overcomplicating shit. sometimes it really just turns out youre not someone's type, or maybe they didnt get to know you enough but who cares? baby, there's literally so many people in the world so no shit youre not someone's type. but that shouldn't stop you from being your type.

what should stop you from being your type is if you're a fucking asshole (and people are unfortunately still attracted to that but like see no matter what you're gonna get into a relationship if you truly desire to.)

In reality, a lot of people have no standards.

TAKEAWAYS

1- that should make u confident

2- but you should still be a high quality person (in your own definition!!)

SO EARLIER i was talking about how to be qualified for a high quality romantic relationship, and now I will tell you

How do you make something romantic happen between you and another person?

I DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK ITS SOME KIND OF MAGICAL THING, BUT LITERALLY THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO

IS TAKE A GENUINE INTEREST IN SOMEONE AND WHO THEY ARE WHILE ALSO SHOWCASING YOUR GOOD ATTRIBUTES, What makes YOUUU the cool u

make sure its balanced. both of you are important in this relationship and both of you should have space to be yourselves

AND THIS IS WHY it is so important to build yourself and learn about yourself like in what I just said above. You have to be interested in buying, and you also gotta know what you're selling/hj (this is just a metaphor dont take it as me thinking of relationships as business. BUT business is also a relationship in of itself)

And what you're selling HAS TO BE GOOD. Something that ISN'T what you would run away from, or throw away if it reaches near the people you care about. I know this is hard to think about if you really hate yourself.

Think of yourself as someone else and ask yourself "would i totes hang out with this guy? would this guy treat me right? would this guy bring value to my life? would this guy inspire me and make me see new shit and broaden my horizons which i might be missing from my life?" (and other things that are more of what you want)

AND IF YOU ARE NOT SOMEONE YOU ARE INTO, THEN ASK YOURSELF, WHAT ARE YOU INTO? Dont become WHAT YOU ARE INTO out of ENVY, become INSPIRED BY IT, and make yourself your human canvas bro of beautiful art bro. and it doesnt matter if it starts out as crap, all artists make crap at first, its a lifelong thing, and thats ok, and even if its crap, its still beautiful because it is authentic boiii

this is applicable for building any sort of relationship!

You don't have to chase squat.

AND THEN IF THEY GET INTERESTED IN YOU BACK, OR IF THEY ALREADY ARE AND THEY GET MORE INTERESTED IN U, Then you be honest with your feelings and then its entirely up to them and that's ok. Be OK with the fact that, bitch, there ain't no way to having a 100% guarantee or win rate in love bc that's stupid and things are always unique in terms of other people's relationships and personalities. NOT HAVING A 100% GUARANTEE IS TOTALLY NORMAL AND IT DOESNT MEAN YOURE SHITTY Following other people's bullshit dating advice is only going to attract you people that have bullshit values :) and that is NO BUENO homie, no matter how lonely you are my homie.

IF YOU WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOUR HOMIES, AND U WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP PARTNER/S THEN U SHOULD WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOURSELF BITCH

And now for the last step, or second actually, chronologically. But it requires the two above to understand.

You have to actually *decide* on who to date. Don't just pick someone just because they're the only option you see. Because, who would like only being liked that shallowly? it might not be a turn off if they're that desperate, but it would suck for them and make them sad. Plus, you're not getting much out of the relationship if you don't truly VALUE who you're with AS THEMSELF. Like, why u wanna be with them for life bro? If you don't even know them bro? And if you don't VALUE who that person is, they won't

Because the act of valuing a person, is valuable to the person. The very act of being choosy and choosing that person is important. Goes both ways. Don't pursue someone who is not on the same level of you in the value department

"BUT IM TOO TRASH TO EVEN BE PICKY.. oR PEOPLE CANT ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM BECAUSE OF X Y Z THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER LIKE BEING TRANS OR BEING NEURODIVERGENT"

THAT AINT THE CASE. THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. EVERYBODY HAS GOT A RIGHT TO BE PICKY. IT IS A HUGE FACTOR FOR SUCCESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. BE PICKY, BITCH.

Everyone else's dating advice rely on other psychological tactics that allow you to become more perceivable/noticed by other people, which isn't intrinsically bad, but on its own its not sustainable. What I'm telling you is how to sustain that crap, yo. Its entirely up to you to follow them as well.

What you really have to be on the watch for is what kind of person do you want to notice you? This doesn't require you to change who you are bc you have to take into account that this person would also like who you are.

But yeah, if you wanna attract hot people, in most cases, you have to look your own brand of hot. Its just how things work. If you wanna attract good people, you have to be good.

And the process will follow. If you wanna be noticed by something, you gotta be around it, and you can figure that out on your own, you don't need weirdly phrased shit by other people

Oh yeah another last thing, you gotta make yourself strong bro. You gotta make sure your self love is strong enough that if you fuck up (and have to improve yourself) or get disliked/rejected for something that isn't your or anyone's fault, that it wont falter or it would get back together again.

Know to distinguish true criticism, needless bashing, and something that's just up to personal taste. Accept criticism and do it without the hurt, and ignore shit you don't have to change and dont feel like changing and move on

That's all everybro (gender neutral) go and slay

[remmammie]

Can you write about Ventus caring about his s/o who had really toxic parents? Like parents who always said mean things like "You are worthless", and Ventus is trying to tell them that they arent worthless?

Also can the s/o be GN?

Have a good day and its okay if you dont wanna do this one

I would never turn down a request like this, my love, if it brings you comfort dealing with something like this. I only worry that I can't portray this scenario properly because I've never experienced it. I hate to be serious, but I promise you you're worth a lot - especially right now to me for supporting me :D

Ventus with an S/O who has toxic parents HCs

As soon as you confide in Ventus about these issues, the first thing he does is increase how many times a day he tells you how much he treasures you. He says it with the utmost seriousness, holding your hands and gazing into your eyes. He really really needs you to know that not everything you hear is true, especially when it comes to defacing your character.

Ventus isn’t a very logical person and relies a lot more on reading the emotions of others than telling them how to fix their problems - not that there’s any way to “fix” this situation. He doesn’t offer any kind of advice or announce that he’ll march up to your parents or anything. Ventus is more the kind of partner to lay in bed with you, cradle you, smother you with loving kisses, and whisper sweet nothings regarding how much he truly adores you.

If you feel comfortable enough with him to share the sorts of things they say to you, Ventus usually just looks completely gobsmacked, utterly shocked, but more in disbelief than annoyance.

How can someone think you’re useless?! But you mean so much to him? And you’re so nice? You help so many people? He makes sure to tell you all these things as well. Trust me, Ventus can talk for the world on some sort of podium about all the reasons he loves you. Might try to count them all on his fingers but definitely will run out of room and you’ll have to tell him to shush.

Seeing as you live apart, Ventus might give you little trinkets from him to take home so you have something to assure you while he’s away that you’re not all these things you’re being told. It might be a plush or a paper note he’s written for you, he might even send you a text message or a picture of you two together if you both have mobiles.

[lady-ika]

oof.mp3

age 27 with one abusive relationship under my belt and plenty of other "im pretending we're talking but really i just wanna fuck" ones and ik some people have zilch nada of either and i should be content but jesus fucking christ

age 27 and i have a giant teddy bear from a thrift store that i have to cling onto to not let the demons take over and i honestly think i just need to have a full sobbing breakdown about this stupid fucking petty shit

loneliness won't kill me bc i have good great friends and they care about me and my family are assholes but at least theyre around and im just throwing a tantrum about not having a partner.

but i could get onto dating apps-

bro either i get people im definitely not interested in or people who just wanna hook up and im not interested in it. like sometimes i think about having my hookup era but im too anxious to even really consider beyond just teasing these guys and like yeah! im bi! i could go out on dates w girls but id rather not get hatecrimed to death by my family if they ever find out

idk i tell everyone else all day that theyre lovable and deserve the love they want and deserve but like ykno that doesnt apply to myself

like i have nothing to offer and im palatable to friends but romantic partners? nah. im jealous of my married and dating and engaged friends bc i eant to spend my life with someone who actually like. wants me romantically and friends are great but i need something. romantic. idk maybe im just a jealous bitch but i want to have someone that *looks* at me, yknow?

i am not worth a passing glance and my friends say im pretty but i know im not and i wish i looked the way i wanted bc then i would be and i wouldnt look like my mom

and nobody looks at me or notices me and i have to engineer shit to look pretty enough for a picture and i just want to look like one of the xiaohongshu girls bc then i could at least enjoy myself

i exist to be a support character to never have breakdowns and only listen and just be complacent with my hand in life but i wish i could do anything but be a depressed sack of shit and take naps all day or mindlessly scroll so i dont have to feel like this

and maybe this is my hell, that i have to date a cis dude or a passing trans dude if i dont want to get hatecrimed but im so intolerable that this is my punishment that the most hopeless romantic in my friendgroup really is the most hopeless. i just want someone who'll give up or trade off on our favourite character in a game or win me carnival game prizes or somehow always find a way to touch me and won't mind if i grab their hand or will tell about this one thing they like while i work on something or like. i mean i dont have an iphone but for some reason the facetiming while falling asleep hits somehow in my brain and idk.

i feel bad telling ym friend thats never dated that i hate being 2nd choice when she hasnt ever been one but i think theyre. equally devastating. because either way you're haunted w what could have been.

im always the second person after theyve already been in love with someone else or have someone currently or a passing moment of lust or an idle what if and im sick of it

i feel like a kid looking at god or whatever force might manage us like "ive tried to be good to deserve something good i can share and im so full of love but nobody wants to share it with me"

and god just points at my adult life like "but you've been too angry and broke yourself too much" so i stay angry and broken

and alone

[familyagrestefanblog]

Me endlessly rambling about the morality of Adriens plot involvement in “Evolution”, bc DAMN!

In "Evolution" there is one aspect I haven't seen anyone talk about yet which bothers me in how tragic and unspeakably unfair it is: Gabriel is not the only person who missed his chance of being able to safe his family that day, so did ADRIEN.

And that's the core stinger of this show not letting Adrien/Chat Noir actually BE the villains son (yet?). It's one thing that Gabriel, the villain, has fallen so far that he is now unable to make the right decision on his own, but the same wouldn't apply to Adrien. And I also wanna talk about how horrible it is that Adriens father basically turned into a collapsing mess further descending into madness right in front of his sons eyes for the entire episode but Adrien isnt given the chance to maybe make the choice to TRY to reach out and help him.

Disclaimer: My post is NOT about me thinking that Gabriel is owed to have his son at his side to help and save him. No, my concerns and feelings regarding the morality of Adriens involvement are 100% about ADRIEN. Gabriel I only care for in this regard of him “being denied his sons help” in the sense that he is Adriens father. Thats it. My priority, as per usual, is Adrien and what all of this means for him.

Because my goodness if s5 continues like this I seriously have to wonder how Adrien is supposed to be able to life with himself after all of this.

Look, I’m going to take the matter seriously if thats not something for you than this wont be the post for you. I am allowed to talk about the portayed morality of a parent-child relationship in an international very popular family cartoon. I’m pretty certain this is all deliberate set up since the writing made way too many specific decisions regarding these two and the big picture in this episode (and in that case I’m gonna LOVE this) but I still wanna talk about it in the way that reflects the fact that we dont have the rest of the season yet. And in this regard this episode got morally questionable at times.

If this IS something you care about too though, dont let me stop you any further and “read more”

My "problem" ( not really problem since with the right continuation I will love ALL of this, so its a “inbetween-problem” right now. You get it) is not that the writing says that Gabriel doesn't have enough true goodness in him to actually safe his family, or that the Agreste family in the end is beyond saving and not worth it and Adrien will end up happy with the Dupain-Chengs. All of that is not my problem. It's that Adrien is denied every opportunity like this in his plot involvement to be allowed to make the choice of saving his family himself. To at least TRY to have the saving grace influence on his family's fate that Adrien embodies.

"Evolution" is actually the first episode where this problem actively crosses the line for me (which I strongly believe was the intention), cause up til the end of season 4 Gabriel/Hawkmoth (or whatever) wasn't straight up a hurting mess on the battle field who, yes, would desperately need his son on the heros side as a familiar and sympathetic influence when no other hero can or maybe even should, who can reach some of his last remaining humanity and possibly make the small but immense difference in how Gabriels and the Agrestes story ends.

Do not get me wrong, I don't care for Gabriel just for his own sake, I primarily care about his fate because he's Adriens father. I am NOT saying Gabriel deserves a happy ending just because he has a sympathetic reason to have started his villainous doom (I know alot of people will disagree here but respect that I absolutely LOVE these kind of morally complex family stories, about the humanity in inhumanity and abuse, even if it doesn't end in a happy ending. Fuck it, ESPECIALLY if it doesn't end in a happy ending!) but I AM saying that this episode did a phenomenal job at characterizing and portraying Monarque through almost all the very core reason of his fall and the horrible consequences he has brought down on himself.

I 👏Love 👏All 👏Of👏THIS👏

And I don't NEED this (or WANT it) to have an happy ending. But what punched me in the face the entire episode through were moments like this:

Or this:

Or this:

Because in the end of the day you can turn and twist it all you want. Condemn Gabriel, understand Ladybug and the other heros, Paris and the general morality of good and bad all you want; in the end it doesn't change the fact that this is Adriens father and Adriens fate and losses too. And that fact alone deserves proper respect.

Cause again, NOT for Gabriels sake but for ADRIENS.

Adriens father is laying motionless on the ground because Gabriel has fallen so far in his grief, madness and almost completely isolation that he is wrecking himself and frying his own brain with too many miraculous at the same time. And Adrien is narratively denied the opportunity to react like the SON he is in this.

Adriens villain father just gave up and therefore lost the opportunity to make everything right again, safe their family on his own accords but then immediately showed immense regret for the decision he made. And Adrien is narratively denied the opportunity to make the choice to reach out to his fathers very open humanity here and perhaps get to solve the problem in his stead.

Chat Noir was literally entrusted by Ladybug in this episode to wield the Rabbit miraculous. Chat Noir and the Monarque were in the same position. Adrien had just as much the power and the opportunity to go back in time and deliver the stick to his parents in the past (even if Gabriel had told him a different reason for why, fixing the peacock wouldn't have stopped Adrien from existing) as his father did.

But whereas Gabriel lost that chance because of his own actions and decisions, Adrien has lost that chance and even the choice to MAYBE save his own mother, his father, HIMSELF, his family, every victim and all of Paris because he is being kept out of the loop.

Adrien lost just as much as Gabriel in this episode if not even MORE, he just doesn't know it and that is the biggest tragedy of this entire show.

Because the thing is, Adrien loves his family. Adrien loves his father. Even if Gabriel has never and will never deserve his sons love or Adrien himself at his side. It doesn't matter, because this is about ADRIEN.

And ADRIEN has done everything he could in the last 4 seasons to reach his father, see the good in him, and forgive and support him. Reach out, see his fathers perspective and be as good of a son as possible to not make the situation even harder for his father as loosing Emilie already was for them. To grow closer as father and son, become a family again and get the chance of a better future.

Adrien LOVES his father and never wanted to loose him. And Adrien has made countless sacrifices too many to give their family a chance to heal through patience and understanding. Adrien is a PHENOMENAL son and the true saving grace of his family. But he never had the needed knowledge to understand the actual PROBLEM that kept Gabriel from moving on and getting better. To possibly help his fathers good side reach the light again.

No, as the kid this is absolutely not Adriens job, but in a family who goes through such extreme circumstances that shit legitimately gets ugly in too many ways as it happens in real life too, this moral ideal of leaving the child out of it becomes a luxury that sometimes just isn't realistic or affordable even for the kids own sake and can also be morally put into question depending on the context.

And in this context I'm absolutely putting it in question:

There is a difference between what happened here in the episode without Adrien knowing it and Adrien actively making the decision to NOT use the Rabbit power to right his fathers wrong and give their family another chance.

There is a difference between Adrien actively making the choice to distance himself from his villain father even as Chat Noir and leaving him to his self-made demise because that's what Adrien choose to do and sees as morally right in his unique position of having one foot on each side of the war, and Adrien not even getting that choice in the first place.

There is a difference between Adrien choosing to stay on Ladybugs side and stand so actively against his father as her partner when shit goes down so fatally for Monarque like this, and Adrien not knowing what siding with her means in the bigger picture.

There is a difference between Adrien making the choice to not save his mother before giving up the Rabbit miraculous, because unlike Gabriel Adrien actually managed to move on from that loss and does what Gabriel can't, and Adrien not even knowing that he had the power to resolve all of this and save his mother, his father, the miraculous and Paris in a way that wouldn't have hurt anyone (to our knowledge right now)

The difference is that in one case Adrien gets to actively make the choice that is right for HIMSELF, so he can properly adjust his role so he can actually LIFE with himself in the end, whereas in the second case he makes the choices while thinking himself to not be connected to Monarque at all and therefore acts only to the benefit of the general greater good and Ladybug.

And it's the SECOND case that rings true in Canon. Adriens actual position in this still remains completely neglected and he is going to stay without any kind of necessary closure and own moral adjustments to his role and actions in his family's demise. And this leaves Adrien in the position where he will/would simply life to regret his actions or at least beat himself up for it. And those are regrets and grief that no one can rationalize away for him, this kind of guilt stays for a life time. Because how THE FUCK could it not??

Cause for all it is, he is the only person for who the overall truth of the good and evil side of this war is not enough to justify or excuse his actions and behavior. Not in his own eyes. Because Gabriel wasn't just Hawkmoth, ShadowMoth, Monarque or whoever. He wasn't just the evil bad guy, he was his father too. And while Gabriel probably has always been difficult, he sure as hell wasn't THIS (Monarque) for Adriens entire life as we know from Adrien himself:

So everyone else has the luxury to, in the end, make peace with the situation through breaking the grey area down to basic black-and-white thinking, because they have the necessary distance to Gabriel and his motivations to do so.

But you can't just apply the same way of thinking and moral standpoint to Adrien/Chat Noir, he simply ISN'T in the same position as everyone else.

In my opinion it always was Miraculous biggest loss that Chat Noir/Adrien is not allowed to actually BE the villains son with all the amazing character and plot potential that comes with it. But "Evolution" was the first episode where this unused connection actually made me grimance while watching.

Adrien deserves the chance to at least TRY to help his father when its already happening right in front of his eyes!

All of this had a chance of being resolved in peace through Adriens best and defining character traits: his compassion, love and loyalty even in the darkness hours. You have to do a FUCK TON to loose him and there are simply too many moments in this episode where I think Adrien would have tried to help his father to do the right thing for me to not talk about this.

And again, I'm not asking for this to actually have happened this way and have a nice sunshine ending. I'm not saying that Gabriel would have absolutely had listened to Adrien and that things would have turned out fine if only Adrien and Gabriel had found out each others identities somewhere in the borrows. No, I'm not giving Gabriel that much credit, neither as a person nor as a father. We have watched the show til now and what happened when Gabriel found out under different circumstances:

No, I'm never bringing this up for GABRIELS sake, in all of this I care with all of my heart for ADRIEN. And what HE goes through in everything going down on both sides, what HE looses and what this means for HIM because he is the one in the almost agenciless and inescapable position. He is the biggest victim in all of Miraculous and season 5 right immediately started off with an event where Adrien is even more wronged regarding his fathers villain backstory comeuppance than Gabriel himself.

Adrien is the actual tragedy in this very episode and entire show and I can only hope that the show will treat his loss with the respect it deserves. "Evolution" actually gave me alot of hope in this regard because of how it treated Gabriel, the Ladynoir moments, Chat as a hero character in general and of course:

Alix family moments paralleling the Agrestes with another father-hero child bond whose family is being seperated (also interesting to remember is that back in s1 people suspected Alix' father to be Hawkmoth as a second option to Gabriel)

These things are intentional, but I'm still anxious, because DUDE

Adrien being left out of the loop in everything is reaching beyond BRUTAL extends. The Ladynoir and father-son sides of his life have now collided in the most painful way with undoable consequences yet (and on both parts he is still kept basically entirely oblivious to the secrets and offenses being done to him). The morality in all of this is beyond questionable at this point, and simply in particular regarding his damn father. This is fucked up.

I really have to ask how Adrien could ever be able to forgive himself for his family's fate, his mother and especially FATHER'S fate, once he looks back on it concidering how actively INVOLVED he was in all of it. Without getting a choice, proper agency or much needed closure while going through this. Adrien isn't doing nothing here, "Evolution" in particular, the episode of Gabriels villain backstory commupance.

You know what? Screw it, this is theoretically speaking just as much of a damnation backstory set up as the one Gabriel has, just so much worse. His fucking father would be the core reason of why Adrien could never forgive himself for what happened to his family while he himself (unknowingly) took huge active actions in making his father go this far (again, THIS episode for example) when in Adriens eyes his father was in desperate need of help through his grief no matter how inexcusable his actions became. Because Gabriel needed and NEEDS help (and not the one Nathalie gave him, you know the person Adrien gave his father his blessing for to MARRY) and COULD have turned back to the light at some earlier point. And Adrien saw that potential the entire time. And tried to help and reach out over and over again. But he was never able to do it "right".

He would think himself a failure of a son when he only finds out about this when it's way too late and he has to let his father behind who is too far gone. Or a failure of a hero all together for not having noticed and stopped it earlier and to his family and the citizens, when he was in the position to all along. How is he supposed to just let that go when Adriens noose has always and forever been his loyalty and LOVE?

This shit is so messed up on a morality level for Adriens position because Adriens situation just gets worse and worse and he is hardly given any chances to chose to adjust his behavior/actions in a way to his actual circumstances or get any true closure with full context to be able to properly DEAL with this. Because he doesn't know what his actions are causing/ influencing! It wouldn't even be Gabriels abuse or bad influence that would be the core of his tragedy, it's the fact Adrien was denied to get closure of not being able to properly help his father and family. That everything went so catastrophically far and hurt so many people and loved ones and he could have helped "but didn't".

How is Adrien supposed to life with himself after loosing his father like this while he was Chat Noir? In a way that is actually in-character for him and his core principles? Adrien, who is taking the blame for his loved ones in too dangerous degrees just so they have to suffer less? If Adrien knew he would react differently, in ways he wouldn't life to regret or at least hold against himself for how it went down. Fuck, let's go with the scenario: If Adriens love would stop him from being able to let this go he would actually become and have the motivation that Gabriel THINKS he is and has!

Have this go wrong and Adrien will step into his fathers footsteps no matter what any third party (including Ladybug) will say that it wasn't his fault. He will just not be evil while doing it, but just as desperate, lost and haunted by the past. Maybe even more so than his father because Adrien is actually a good person.

Seriously, I know Miraculous has pulled some morally questionable stuff by now (hello season 4), but this episode really made me shallow hard in how far Adrien being left out of the loop is being taken and what the consequences of his actions symbolize. Adrien literally left his father back in the past and he didn't even know it.

I know for most people this is hardly a factor they think is important to concider, but for me it is. The episode put Adrien in too specific of a position, take too consistently brutal actions regarding his fathers backstory comeuppance here, and made him be the one to take the lead and therefore alot would fall back to in Adriens mind if he found out in this one particular episode now.

The writing of the episode made deliberate morally beyond questionable choices regarding Adriens position between Ladybug and his father that just... gut punched me.

Because fucking Christ, Adrien is still being kept in almost complete obliviousness and it made him do things and act in ways I cannot imagine him doing like this if he knew, in way too crucial of a situation regarding his entire civilian familys fate.

And therefore: Fuck, he. Should. KNOW. But he doesn't. And I don't know how Adrien is realistically suppose to life with this. This goes against everything Adriens characters has ever been.

Really, we are entering some seriously messed up moralities now for Adriens position between Ladybug and his father...

[tw1stedthicket]

fuck me man. after going back through some stuff and really thinking about it, im ngl, i feel pretty happy with just calling myself sapphic due to really only caring about being with women and wanting to define my relationships in that context and not in a context of including or centering men, and i wouldn't even mind if someone referred to me as lesbian even if it's not the word i would use, but that'a the thing! there's a word called "gay" and newsflash abby, that's what only wanting women is, even if you worm your way around not being called a "lesbian"; but! i am really afraid to own that. It's like, okay, i'm afraid of using the word "lesbian" due to what i'm afraid people might think, but if i tell people i like women and do what i wanna do.. they're gonna come to the same conclusion. I know this is internalized homophobia which makes me feel even more shameful, but it's me being honest.

What sparked this thinking was how i found a really cute bracelet of the "woman" symbol with the circle as a heart and it was linked to another one to represent 2 women connected and love for each other and stuff and i was like omg i wanna wear that that makes my heart go soft 🥹 but then i was like no because if i do that then i really have to own it! Theres no longer any way i can be like "well...yes....um....you see this only makes me happy because i also have an attraction to women...it's not that i really really love them haha... i am also attracted to everyone else too including men!" And so i was like well maybe i can do like a little rainbow! I can always say "i just like rainbows" right?

But then it's like ah goddamit people really are gonna assume then that im not bi! But i dont want people to think im bi and i dont know how that fucking works! The thing is, is i dont think to myself anymore than i am bi, even tho sure, there are lots of attractive and wonderful men. But i feel like my inclusion of them in my identity is me being disingenous, it's me including them because i know there is a real possibility that i would feel attraction toward a guy enough that i want to be with him but in reality if i felt that way about a guy, the thought that they might like me back makes me feel afraid, because somewhere in my fucked up thought process i am thinking that means im gonna be with him!! I like him, he likes me, we obviously get together right? But i dont want that! If i could honestly flip a switch where no guy ever liked me romantically again and instead just wanted to be good friends or besties and the strongest sense of attraction they felt to me was entirely platonic, i would flip it immediately! I wanna be their friends so much more! Please save me that anxiety. Is it anxiety from having to perform gender roles for them and in reality if i deconstructed those then i would see myself comfortably being with a man? Maybe?? I dont feel like fucking doing that work tho anyway because the attraction i feel toward men is, and im so sorry dudes, is like... not worth doing the mental lifting for for what it would take for me being with them. I'm sorry, women are literally right there instead. And i dont feel the same baggage for them, just genuine warm fuzzies. People tell me "oh women are just as complicated and human and capable of being bitches! It's hard work either way!" Okay but i have never wanted a man bad enough that i would stick with it like i would with an amazing woman i loved, and newsflash there are a million fucking more of them than there are men. *IN MY INTERPRETATION* again sorry dudes. Thats not even just saying like all dudes are bad people or something to have to do labor for, i just have to jump through hoops to find who i am to them, you know? I get out of myself in every romantic encounter/relationship ive had with guys. Again, is it because i was raised with fucked up experiences of what men and women are supposed to be like or do? I dont fucking know.

If i had to honestly and truthfully take a guess, my guess would be that i am capable of experiencing attraction and happiness with anybody, regardless of gender, given that the relationship is equal and based on a genuine love and respect for both people. In the sense that perhaps there are always exceptions to every rule because the world is so fucking big and there will always be humans out there that could make you question no matter how much you like a particular type of person, but also because maybe some of my attraction to men, as anxiety-producing as it tends to be, is more of an inner thing and actually could be be appropriately healed and manifested in genuine good feelings toward him and a desire to be with him i.e. true attraction. And maybe the reason i want to pursue romance and love and whatnot with women more is because it feels safer. And maybe part of that is because i am a woman myself. Is that wrong? Is it safer because it's more genuine? Hey, i think so in the most charitable part of my brain, but the comphet part of me says "women are always just emotionally connected and intuitive with each other ofc it's easier for them to have relationships with each other! the connection is just all women tho!" but that just serves to devalue the genuine attraction i feel for women that is romantic and sexual and all that :/ Like stfu brain, i dont think most women actually desire relationships with other women and life partners and stuff and labeling it as "just girls and their casual soulmate status with their best friend 🤪" pisses me off. But at the end of the fucking day i know what my choice is! Am i being biphobic? Thinking it's invalid and i need to choose? Well my mind feels like it's fucking chosen for me and i like women!

I hate this because then it makes me really sad like goddamn this really is me huh and i know how people fucking act and treat gay people or lesbian people and it makes me really fucking sad. I was just thinking to myself and it was like, yknow, i feel like i really am in a closet. And i have tried on an outfit that i think i would really like. And i put it on and have to close my eyes to do it because if i open them im gonna be too scared to really look at myself and go through with it. So then i put it on and it feels different, but it hugs my body in ways that feel comfortable even when i cant see it. And when i open my eyes and look in the mirror, it is startling but not surprising, and a little bit awe-some, and theres a moment of recognition that...In my private mind, this is how i see myself. What i am looking at on the outside is what i see on the inside. What i always wanted to be, at least. There's a "Finally" caught behind your breath but it feels not quite right to say that, because how could you have known? I never would have had i not let myself actually...explore. Actually recognize, i guess. But i cant exit the safety of my room, my closet, my dressing room, whatever it is. People would say im a freak, they'd be disgusted, at worst. People might forcibly rip at the clothes or force me to change. People might say theres nothing wrong with it but it's inappropriate to wear in public. People might even say "wow! That outfit really is you! But...i dont like this you." And a million things.

I'm so fucking new to this, i only recognized and realized attraction, and i mean genuine attraction, to women just a couple years ago even tho i had been privately questioning it for longer, but. Damn. It makes me really sad to think of the women that look at other women who like women and dont feel the same comraderie because they think im gross, or a predator, or something. It hurts to think of anyone thinking badly of me, but honestly its the other women that would see me differently that makes me sad. If men wanna be mad then fuck them but it makes me really sad to think that other women would not like me or distrust me.. :(

[plasmaapologist]

(@lavendertownfreak)

So… I was curious if I could get a professional opinion on what’s up with my Galarian Slowpoke Glockle. (Yes, I had a professional check them out, but I feel like they didn’t do a thorough enough evaluation in hindsight.)

For some reason Glockle just… doesn’t react to damage. Like, at all. The only real sign of physical trauma I can see is scaring around the base of his tail, but that seems to line up with the tail having grown back from being dropped. He seems to REALLY like battling, but I don’t wanna use him in battle given that he LITERALLY DOESN’T REACT TO GETTING HIT! I’m just curious if you have any ideas as to why he doesn’t react to harm. (For reference, he’s been hit by rock throws from my Rockruff, a bite from my Rockruff, and has even had my fairly above average sized Drednaw roll over his tail while he (the Drednaw) was sleeping. No reaction to ANY of it.)

i should preface this by saying that i dont have any experience with galarian slowpoke, however i worked with a small bloat of kantonian slowpoke who had an... unfortunate run in with a couple of awful teenagers. dont worry, all survived- theyre hardy little things. yes, a group of slowpoke is called a bloat. herd is accepted too :)

glockle not feeling an injury to their tail is perfectly normal for a slowpoke, as both forms possess little to no nerve endings in their tails! however, not feeling pain at ALL isnt normal. slowpoke are, well, slow to feel pain, and their senses are dulled, but they feel it eventually.

in my mind theres a few likely possibilities here:

glockle might be, to put it bluntly, not very bright. most slowpoke arent anyways, so a particularly, ahem, dense one might not notice at all. what im saying is he might feel pain, but in such a delayed manner that it doesnt warrant a reaction anymore

he may have abnormal pain responses, as in he IS showing hes in pain, but in an unusual or unnatural way

now, im not entirely sure slowpoke can have this, but its worth thinking about: he could have a rare condition known as "CIPA"; that is, "Congenital Insensitivity to Pain and Anhydrosis." in plain words, the pain receptors arent properly linked up to the brain, and therefore pain signals can not be sent or received. this condition is *very* serious, and if you suspect this may be the answer i reccomend seeking out a neurologist or other such specialist asap. this condition also, in almost all cases, causes an inability to feel differences in tempeature; its also extremely common for people and pokemon with CIPA to bite off sections of their tounges, so these could be good ways to check. remember; even a normal slowpoke will take a few to react.

or, yknow, hes just swole asf. extremely high pain tolerance + slowpoke dopeyness could look like a complete immunity

no matter what, glockle is extremely lucky to have a trainer that cares so much about him! a lot of evil people would see this as an exploitable "feature". i reccomend giving him extra breaks inbetween battles, and doing an extra thorough scan after each one. if regular battle is deemed unsustainable, perhaps glockle could find a place as a little cup mentor? hed still get to "battle" but will be taking significantly lighter blows.

oh and remember; this isnt my area of expertise, i could definitely be missing something. dont panic over anything yet, dont take what i said as gospel, and i hope these theories can help lead you down the right treatment path!

so uh... tldr: in my opinion hes probably either extra slow, a bit weird, buff asf or needs to see a neurologist. id reccomend eliminating the first three first because neurologists are expensive!

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

[abimee]

as someone who had to go to college bc it was the only conceivable way for me to escape an abusive environment, striaght up: dont go to college. your post is so true, if youre mentally ill (or physically ill, esp chronically) No One Gives A SHIT. i had an incident where i had to go to urgent care i was so sick and my professor was still like "Well. you need to show up to class or youre absent. if you have 2 absences, you fail automatically." so i had to show up half-dead. no one helps you. im also bipolar and went to my college's counselor for help and while she was a lovely woman she didnt support me much there she didnt know much about the disorder. the only way i was able to graduate was bc i was getting an art degree and making things i was already going to make anyway, if that makes sense, and ironically my anxiety disorder was helpful but oh my god it was so bad for my mental health!! so bad and awful!!

tldr: fuck everybody who starts berating you college sucks and theyre all fucking ableist as hell AND on TOP of that it is just such a classist ass money pit and its Not Fucking Worth It

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS and its SO FUNNY when people tell me to ''get a scholarship'' because news flash asshole; scholarships expect things from you like Bs in all your classes and to actually gaduate, when I can barely pull it together for a B in a class im GOOD AT in HIGHSCHOOL.

I WAS ALSO IN SPECIAL EDUCATION! My math class only went up to a 6th grade level, I never did pre-algebra! I dont even know how to go calculus or trig or any math involving letters and complex systems because my own highschool special education classes didnt teach me it because I wasnt capable enough for it yet! So even if i try to go into college on a scholarship theyll definitely revoke mine and make me pay for it in full once I have a manic episode and stop showing up for a week and then come back and have to tell my teachers ''yeah i never learned any of this in highschool. i was smoking cigarettes in dugouts instead of going to class''

like i am just Not someone who will make it through college unless they give me 30 different accomodations because I already dont have the money to deal with my Mysterious Body Proclems and my severe mixed bipolar that sends me into hysterics monthly in rapid cycles. Not to mention in highschool they found out that i just literally cannot learn in your typical school setup of sitting in a classroom with other people but they wont allow me to do homeschooling/online classes because im so Bipolar that if im left by myself for a long periods of time i may hurt myself. So im literally the most physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially unfit person for college 😭👍 AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL FOR!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT ART FOR AN ART DEGREE, I CANT DO MATH, I AM TOO MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR THINGS LIKE SOCIAL OR RELIGIOUS STUDIES, ETC.

Literally just a crockpot of unwell yet every time people find out i never went to college they act like im some dead end loser destined for nothing like gee thanks this makes me feel way better about myself, i bet you love making me feel bad from your ivory tower because you think im just lazy and not a literal psychotic threat to myself on every level. drives me MAD!

[peccatula]

politely requesting any and all of your thoughts about heathcliff ^w^

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS IN IM DOING THIS ONE NOW theres like 20 before it but idc

THIS IS KINDA LONG SO ITS UNDER A CUT. i have a lot of thoughts because holyyyy shit this guy is me. they put me in limbus company

warning for discussion of self harm and self destructive tendencies but its not too in depth

heathcliff is transmasc genderfluid bisexual because i am and im projecting. he's gotten top surgery but it wasnt by the best doctor so it looks a bit odd but hes got enough scars all over that it doesnt rly matter. and hes on testosterone, how he managed to secure it living on the backstreets i dont CARE im not here to figure that out

genderfluid not in the male female nonbinary way but in the I dont fucking know sometimes im a guy sometimes im something else but usually a guy kinda way

he has borderline personality disorder, not even just me projecting here though thats a part of it

he's impulsive as hell, does self destructive things because ^^^^^^^ bpd. this is exacerbated by the fact that he can just Come Back To Life so he doesnt need to be careful anymore. he doesnt like pain but he also doesnt like himself and feels like he deserves pain + he just doesnt care to be careful and not self destruct because Oh i can come back so its fine

sneaking suspicion some of his scars are not entirely inflicted by other people. even if he doesnt like. Do it himself he throws himself into dangerous situations as a way to self harm

he's got all that bpd shit goin on including dissociation/emptiness, mood swings, he struggles with his sense of self and identity and worth and hes fucking terrified of abandonment to the point he will sabotage his own relationships because it hurts less to do that than to be left behind or hurt

he's also autistic! i havent done as much thinking on this its mostly just projection here honestly

i dont wanna go too heavily into speculation for his chapter because i hate the idea of being wrong about it but i think he and cathy had a really turbulent relationship that was not great on both sides. i havent read the source material but i think its like that in the book as well. i dont think its gonna be a relationship that you would want to root for

he gets angry a lot because like, he takes things very personally and has very bad self esteem so anything you say to him he will not take well and instead of getting sad about it his brain defaults to anger because Can't show weakness in front of others. he's competitive as a result because he wants to prove to others and himself that he's not a trash heap of a human being and actually has some worth

not a headcanon but hes not fucking stupid can the fandom stop calling him stupid f or one second and read the goddamn dialogue. he's highly observant and street smart and when he's not being impulsive he has good ideas and thinks things through

[somerabbitholes]

hi lol this is kind of weird to ask i know, but i wanted to take history for college and when i told my parents, they told me that most people who take history (and literature) are either a. people who want to take civil service and need to study more seriously for that i.e. not really taking history seriously or b. people who dont know what to do so they take the easiest option/women who just need to study until they get married, and basically that i would be surrounded by people who wont take the subject seriously, which could then affect my own seriousness. bc you have taken history i wanna ask you if thats like actually true or just an oversimplification or exaggeration?

we're 12 people in my specific combination of courses, and all of us want a PhD at some point, which is sort of an implicit assumption at the master's level: if you've made it this far, you're sticking with the subject. not all of us are looking to teach, but we do want to be part of the larger project of history. there are, of course, people who want to join the civil services but that doesn't mean they don't care about what historians do. for a lot of people i know, the civil services are just a stable job that'll give you money to support research and everything. like if you join the MEA through the whole civil service apparatus and are at a certain level, you get a grant for a PhD in the field you're interested in. so the thing about people just there for the job prep is a huge oversimplification; it's obviously a lot more nuanced.

but that stereotype also doesn't go away, even when you're part of academia: there's a sort of runnning joke in my department that most people who study ancient india do so because it's less investment and it prepares you for the exam, and there's sometimes a latent contempt for those who are just there too, but that's just an assumption and it goes away when you actually talk to someone who's studying for the exams. (because the problem isn't really that people who want to join the government aren't 'serious enough' about history, it's that academia and the bureaucracy work in ways that makes reconciliation or doing both so difficult). i'm not even going to touch the women thing because not a single person i know is killing time until they marry.

and i know you're not talking about this, but i just want to point out that history is not easy or self-evident. there's a very frustrating but very common assumption that all we do is read dalrymple or other popular historians or just go over chronologies until we know them perfectly. and as much as popular writing would have you believe that history is something "anyone can do" if you've got "a good story to tell", it is still something that needs training, there's value in being trained to read archives and write in a way that can be both critical and literary. people spend years extracting truth and building coherent narratives out of maddeningly disparate sources. it's more complicated than you think and you realize that the more you do history.

i don't think you need to worry about being surrounded by people who aren't serious. i'm not saying you'll never meet those people; i'm saying it won't be extraordinarily different for history. every field has them and that's just how it is. but you'll also find classmates and professors who care deeply about the subject, and they'll all love it and care about it in different ways, and that makes it so, so worth it.

i hope that helps & i'm sorry if i went off.