#i dont hate it im just never satisfied with anything i ever do HELP

[todayisafridaynight]

[General fic, but Arasawa if you squint. 1990's Arakawa Family (Masumi Arakawa, Masato Arakawa, Jo Sawashiro)]

Masato wants to spend the day at the beach- so Masumi hears from Jo. Nowadays, it seemed as though the only way Masumi could hear from his son with through his second-in-command: if Masato really wanted a nice day by the sea, it seemed only fair to invite their family's courier to the trip.

[lostinvasileios]

im sorry if i sound insecure or something but have you ever been in a place where you couldnt explain your relationship or practice to people that much because you dont have the words for it? like i want to tell someone about how much i love my deities but i cant really describe anything about why i do or something without feeling sort of stupid because i cant phrase it right, does that make sense? im sorry if thats hard to understand

Greetings, love bee!! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Thank you for sending in your ask. 💛🌷

So, yes, actually. I have. I actually still feel that way. In my own journey, that's been a feeling I've had pretty much the entire time. My emotions always felt so much more profound than my vocabulary could keep up with. No matter how many big and beautiful words I found, they never truly could capture the essence of it and I hated that for so long when I was beginning. Having urges to share the beauty you've gone through or whatever is normal during practicing.

But… That's not a bad thing, bee. As I've come to learn, that - only makes it more special. I get it can be annoying, but you don't owe anybody an explanation to anything about your path or things relating to it.

A thing I had to learn pretty quickly (like 6-7 months into my practice) was that... Your path isn't really... Meant to be understood by anybody else other than you. I mean, this is what mine is like at least. I can't truly immerse anyone into what my life is like or has been like with my deities, because they won't be able to remember it the way I can. They can't feel the exact, or most likely even similar, emotions I did - in the way I did - because... It didn't happen for them. My deities said that to me, they showed that to me, they did this and that for/to me. Just as, their deities did that for them and they got to experience things I did not and probably won't.

Now, there are of course times where I or you will find others who can relate on certain levels, swap stories and see the similarities, and so forth. However, you two can give each other as many details as you can muster and as basically humanly possible, but - at the end of the day... That experience is yours alone. Their experience, is theirs alone.

And that's - beautiful to me, honestly.

It really helps me realize just how - unique... How truly special this all is. There are details about my practice that nobody besides me and my deities will ever understand, and though I sometimes wish to share them with others - some things are simply meant to stay with the experiencer & those involved within the experience. Some things are just either not going to be well received, well understood, well liked, ect. Some things are just - safer with you and your deities. Which is why the saying "keep the personal details to yourself" exists within witchy communities.

Another thing is that languages as a whole can be very limiting even with all the beautiful words that you can find. Grammar rules too. Me and my deities often break things like language or grammar to better communicate, because - we understand each other. The meaning behind our made up words or complex grammar style, almost like our own language. You can try to mix up your own way of telling someone about your deities and the bond you have, the knowledge you've gained and the experiences or theories you have gotten over the time you've practiced, but, it might be confusing. And more than often, if someone is confused, they can get angry. They can begin to invalidate you. Ect.

But, at the same time, you're also entitled to speak about it even if little to nobody understands it. You're allowed to be confusing and make language whatever you need it to be to get your point across and satisfy those desires to share. If you want to, nobody's really stopping you. And, you might just meet someone who can understand certain extents, or be similar to you. That in itself is kind of why we even have religion or the knowledge of deities in the first place. Because someone went out and preached it, someone brave went and documented it for others to learn.

I think I yapped a bit here, sorry about that, bee, lol. Hopefully I made some form of sense here. Enjoy your path and may no evil follow you, loveling! 🤍🤍

[kings-highway]

i've got quite a lot of fics written but they don't seem complete or cohesive enough to leave my docs,,, i don't know how to outline fics so everytime i get back to them im all over the place and end up doing things from the beginning do u have any advice :⁠,)

so... mhm... this is an interesting question. First of all I GREATLY appreciate you asking but unfortunately this installment of King's "advice column" is going to be half rant, half pep talk, and like maybe a sneaky 3% advice because the truth is... I don't know.

first off: I don't outline anything. Never have. The few times I do outlines it's for the sake of "trying to outline" and never because i wanted to. If you ever see me say the phrase "my outline" what Im actually referring to is the dance-break hallucination of the characters I've set to whatever Top 40 song Im listening to at the moment. I... cannot help you with outlining. Not really.

But I have some things that may help you overall. It sounds like the problem you have is with editing, not writing. Which... if you're new to editing or haven't edited a lot, can be entirely tedious and confusing and you might be saying "ach, but whats the difference!" - the difference is everything. I, personally, love editing. editing is where a story comes alive and can be perfected. If you have a finished full draft of a story, and you truly dont know where to go next... the next step is to be done with it. Literally. I've been working on a personal novel for about 2 years now, and half that time is spent waiting. Put away your draft, write something else. In 2 months, 3 months, come back to it and read it again, change anything you're no longer satisfied with. You'd be SHOCKED how much just taking a break from a story can improve your understanding of it. You may think of things to change in this waiting period - hold off. Hold it in. Let it stew. consider it caramalizing onions. there's simply no way to rush it. NOW - you expressed the sentiment of "i always end up doing things from the beginning-" I say... no you dont. That IS editing. My story has fully changed from front to back multiple times. That new draft you wrote from scratch? congrats, thats your second draft. Not your first. then you do it again. And again. Until the edits become smaller and smaller and smaller. And then when you hate it enough, you say "i cant possibly touch this anymore" and thats when you let someone read it.

And the truth is, they should have been reading it before. Feedback is infinitely important, in the editing process. You cannot expect to only ever show the best product. I have friends who have read drafts of my novel that wouldnt even be able to recognize what it is now. but I could never have gotten it to this point without their feedback. You have to be okay with letting someone - even just one person - see your bad first draft. THEY will be able to tell you where your cohesion is or isnt and how to improve it.

BUT that brings me to a second point, and the idea that this is probably fanfiction. Now, your initial ask was a little vague, so consider the first response there me being under the assumption you were interested in completely finishing a novel or short story with incredibly serious intent. Now Im going to assume you might be looking to publish chapter by chapter or take it "less seriously" because its just for having fun.

And to that i Say:

if youre publishing chapter-by-chapter (and writing chapter by chapter) your cohesion is gonna be shit!!! thats a first draft youre putting out into the world, babe, its gonna be ass! but embrace the chaos!!! I have learned and developed SO MUCH as a writer by publishing chapters one at a time, namely how to "punch through" that lack of cohesion. Consider your first draft a challenge. no matter how many errors you make, you are NOT allowed to go back and change it. that thing you committed to chapter 2? well its chapter 18 now and you either need to address it, or ignore it and hope your readers dont comment. You are beholden to your own writing and theres nothing you can do. Make it work. Its probably not as bad as you think.

Which brings me back to my initial point - dont trust me on cohesion!! Or, maybe, don't trust *yourself* on your judgement of your story. I'm assuming if you're asking you like at least 1 of my stories, so here's that aforementioned peptalk bit from the beginning:

if we're talking about incohesive stories and bad choices and things that REALLY should have been edited, I'm the (hehe puns) King of them. (I sometimes just vaguely think about Paranormality and want to tear my hair out - and yet this is one people seem to love the most!) here's two facts from my stories that are currently still available to read on ao3:

1. In "The Island" Jasvir and the rescue team make a 24 hour journey in about 6 hours (Because I forgot where New Zealand was and didnt fact check before)

2. In "Soulmake Adventures" Tendou describes how Ushijima stays at his apartment when he's "in the city" despite that city being Tokyo and the home base for the Adlers and Ushijima really should, like, have a home. (It did not occur to me to even check)

And Honey, if you think I had a plan for even one goddamn second of Paranormality you're mistaken. Holy shit it's just nonsense after nonsense after nonsense. I REALLY should have like, at least at one point, like... thought ahead. I just kept shoving stuff in and backpedaling and doubling down on things. But it was FUN to write. And people had a lot of fun reading it. I could edit it into something cohesive, but I dont think it needs that. I think if youre writing fanfiction, maybe its okay to just let it be a little bit loose and fucked up for the sake of the joy of it.

here's.... uh.... 3% advice:

1. have an ending. the stories where I know what my last scene (or my last line) will be always get drafted easier and with less stress. I dont mean have an ending idea. I mean literally mentally map out the last paragraph. Really helps me keep on track

2. talk to people. Walk them through your premise and your themes and what you want it to be. saying it out loud almost always will start clicking puzzle pieces together.

3. learn editing. unfortunately im not talking about grammer and spelling, i mean proper content editing. You have to build this skill seperately from your writing.

4. accept that your first draft is for vibes and fun. Push forward and do your best to "force it" however you need to, but;

4.5. understand that deleting work is part of the creation process too. If you do scrap an entire draft and start over, youre not "starting over" - youre starting draft 2. Thats editing!

[twistedyapping]

my experience with health n wellness n stuff

so i started adding weights alongside my cardio, changing my cardio routine just slightly, and changing my diet a tad like 3 months ago or so now-

i didnt do it to lose weight or anything, i did it to build muscle and also hopefully stop fighting god on the shitter- i basically just started doing it to do it bc like. Why not.

and real shit ever since i started really bryan johnsoning and david gogginsing life my whole everything has absolutely skyrocketed-

n im not gonna be one of those ppl that's like "LIFT OR DIE!!!!! EXERCISE OR U SUCK!!!!" Bc like if u have a solid reason why u cant, dw abt it- but in my experience since i changed all this stuff, my self esteem and confidence (and even 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 vibes) and Everything has just absolutely skyrocketed for the better-

Like i was someone who got winded bringing the groceries in the house (And i could hold like 4 light bags max), and if i like squatted down to the floor for any reason, it was a Full Body exercise to get myself back up to stand.

now i can literally get up and down using Only My Legs which is how it should be!!! And the other day i carried HALF the grocery load in the house and wasn't even winded!!!!!! Like that little shit is just so fucking worth it bro it makes u feel so much better abt literally everything in life

and i have visible muscle now!!! Im not a twig like i can actually do shit!!! And after being known as the skinny as a rail twig with no muscle for like my whole life, you have no clue how great being able to overhead press 21.5lbs Multiple Times feels for me- And like that's probably not a whole lot of weight for a lot of ppl, but mannnn i started with 16lbs and was DYING.

i can also fucking glute bridge 60lbs Like that's CRAZY to me and ya ya the hips r the powerhouse of the cell But i started with 54.5lbs. That is also insane to me.

the thing is like i literally never knew my own strength, like the small amount i already had, and i also never knew how to Increase it until now- And now i just feel more in tune with my body and even my mind like- idk everything is just Good and Better.

ya i got some days where i dont rly feel like eating bryan johnson food like quinoa n shit But other days i literally get hyped for it. and i measure my food n shit like-

and i was allergic to the idea of measuring my food n stuff at first- i genuinely hated the idea because i didnt want to find out i was getting like 0 nutrients per day i was PETRIFIED bc i was always told i eat like an ipad kid-

well turns out i actually Do get a lot of nutrients every day and even more now- and i dont measure my food to hit a specific amount of calories, i just measure it to know what im getting out of it- im not counting strands of spaghetti tryna make sure it's EXACTLY 116 grams, but hitting that double serving 232g dead on is satisfying ngl- Or cutting exactly 1oz of cheese- Like it's just fun 4 me idk

and i understand it's not fun for some ppl and that's 100% okay, i am not here to preach the fitness gospel, im just here to share my experience bc i enjoy yapping abt things

im not going the full mile like perfect everything, measuring every single thing on my body like bryan johnson (no shade, he's a well beloved name in our house bc it's funny to call quinoa n stuff bryan johnson food 😭😭), but i am just kinda chillin and like really starting to take my health and nutrients and exercise more seriously without being afraid of it like i used to be and it's in turn helping my mental health too which is why i do it-

i do everything i can to make my mind better bro call me david goggins the way im up in those brain cabinets clearin shit out all the time- But ya like. Idk shit's just Better.

so if this somehow inspired u to also go down the fitness path either by just starting out or going further down it than u already were- sick 🫡 Bc that wasn't my intention so that'd be a cool consequence of my actions 🫡

Anyway ya that's abt it. see ya

- 🌙 -

[way2gosuperrstarr]

Now it’s time to ask you for the artist asks!:

2,7,10,12,13,14, and 23!

2— How long have you been drawing?

i've been drawing since i was like .... ough well, for as long as i can remember, but i really started w those "how to draw x thing" books when i wasssss..... 8 i think?? and im 19 now . so . that'd be 10-11 years? i think?

7— How often to do you use references?

a lot of the time i . forget i can actually use references/that references are even a thing . and just try to tough it out until i inevitably give up. HOWEVER, i do use them quite a lot when i remember i can! it's mostly just for individual small parts of a piece though; like a hand gesture or seeing how the skin of like .... fingers/knees would look when bent a certain way. stuff like that! i do occasionally use pose references though, especially when i cant visualize it in my head in a way that allows me to transfer it to the canvas- if rhat makes sense. sometimes i have a SUPER clear mental image but cant put it through my hand in a way that makes anatomical sense, which is usually when i need a full pose reference!

10— Are you confident about your art?

ougghhh it really depends ..... sometimes i feel incredibly proud of a piece, other times i hate it so much i want to delete the entire thing like i never drew it; more often than not im kinda "eh" about the stuff i draw, but i do get those lovely gems that i still look back on that i love, no matter how old they get. that's a recent thing though, a lot of my OLDER art is . definitely not up there . i'd say im like . i guess a little bit confident in my work but not as much as i'd like to be

12— Is it okay for people to ask you about your process?

i can't promise a coherent answer that makes any sense, but absolutely! i dont mind! <3 i dont believe in gatekeeping in art :)

13— Do you prefer to keep your art personal, or do you like drawing things for other people?

most of the stuff i draw is for me- it's what i default to and it usually what i'll idly draw. but i love drawing things for other people!!!! it usually just takes me a bit more energy and a little longer, but i absolutely love seeing how happy people usually get when you draw them something! it's one of my favorite things, i love making people happy and using art, one of the few things im actually good at, to do it just makes it even better :] knowing something im decent at has the capacity to make others feel nice! and it's also a nice confidence boost to see someone loose their marbles over something you drew for em

14— Do you ever collaborate with others?

yessir!!!! i do it with my friends all the time, with oc worlds and lores and aus which really helps me develop them (though to be real i havent really collabed/world vomited/brainstorm bounced about my sb aus with anyone atm ,,,,) and i do it with artwork too, albeit not in a while!! but i used to do art collabs regularly with people i knew/mutuals and i loved doing them a lot!!! and i probably still would do em if someone asked!

23— Do you draw more fanart, or original art?

currently? fanart. if my blog and the sheer volume of dca art i draw is anything to do by /silly however! i did go through a couple years of solely original art! and then before that, a couple years of solely fanart/fandom ocs! it's really just whatever i feel like doing at the time! i usually just draw whatever i want to draw :] but that's also majorly dictated by what my mind is one-track-focused on at the moment; if i want to draw my ocs, and my mind is absolutely one track hyperfixated on something else at the moment (currently the dca/my sb aus, sdgo and my self insert au), i wont really be able to draw my original characters, or anything else, in a way that satisfies me because i wont really be "in it" :') if that makes any sense!!!

[ot3]

hey, any tips for staying in love with a series youre making? youve been working on quantum merit for 2 years now i think? any time i get an idea i just have it in the back of my mind that in a couple weeks im going to lose interest, let alone actually go through and start working on it. finishing soemthing is a distant dream. your art is amazing and a huge inspiration for me (is creativity infectious? bc thats how i feel whenever i read qm) so i was hoping maybe you had some insight. thanks <3

over two and a half years at this point actually! crazy! lacking the ability to follow through is a problem i've long had in life. i started drawing QM to try and curtail this. the trick isn't actually to stay in love with a series you're making, the trick is to learn to make things when you don't necessarily love it.

for me, the entire point of doing something operating on this level of self indulgence and experimental technique was to enable myself to churn stuff out even when i think everything i am doing is absolute shit, which is extremely extremely frequently. for long-haul projects you have to be willing and able to work on them even when you think all of your ideas are bad and all of your work is bad and not only is this the worst thing you have ever made, it is the worst thing anyone has ever made. the way i try and get through working on stuff when this is how i feel is that i remind myself i am not special in any way shape or form. everyone else in human history has had to make a lot of bad stuff before they get the privilege of making good stuff. this is allowed to be mine.

another thing that really helps is making sure that the process can be enjoyable even without good results. sometimes even when i hate everything i'm doing in terms of Substance, the act of just getting to draw something feels satisfying enough that i can make myself do it. this goes for all art, i think, not just long projects. if the Process is something you force yourself to sit through waiting for the end reward of a finished product, you're probably never going to be a functional artist. if you don't love Making art and you only love Finishing art you'll quickly find you don't make or finish much of anything.

additionally, i think an important part with long hauls like this is to never, ever look at the finish line. if i keep drawing the amount of stuff i have planned at the rate i have been drawing it, i will be at this for several more years minimum. thats an entirely overwhelming and terrifying thing to think about, and dwelling on it makes me freeze up and want to quit while i'm ahead. so i try not to ever think about actually finishing it. i have no idea if ill finish it i dont even have the slightest fucking clue what my life would even look like in the five years this could take to finish because it already looks nothing like it looked like three years ago. so instead focus on progress. if you think about finishing something you'll never do anything, if you think about just making a little bit of progress you can look back and suddenly you have over 100 full color pages. one foot in front of the other

i would also feel completely insincere if i did not mention how much all of the kind words people have had for my comic have helped me in finding the motivation to continue! seriously, it means so much to me that people like it. external motivation is not the be-all end-all of anything, but i suggest finding at least one friend who is willing to be your hype man and make them talk you out of being insane when you hate everything youre working on. when i reach the point where i literally like can't even tell what the pages im working on look like anymore i send them to my friends and make them all tell me that these are very normal looking drawings.

best of luck with your future endeavors anon i hope any of this is helpful! its an honor to be considered inspiring in any way

[aromanticle]

i just got out of the shower and i have some thoughts to share about something that happened a few days ago

i went, with my sister, to see a psychiatrist. i didnt really want to do that cause deep down i just know that nothing a third party could ever do would truly help me in any way and the only person who can change the way i do things is myself, but that brief period i had with her actually did open my eyes. just not in a good way.

no one irl knows this but i actually have talked to a therapist online for a few months though one of those mental health related apps, a few times for free and i paid two dollars twice which actually ends up being not so cheap for me lol but i stopped because of something that was said to me. the person i talked to seemed to actually pay attention to what i said and she'd always tell me that the main problem i have in life in executive dysfunction which is very accurate. i dont actually know if the people the app provides are licensed or not and idk how trustworthy this all is but i actually feel like i had a positive experience with it for the most part. of course theres not much one can do when i only call them to talk about things that frustrate me and things i wish i could change about myself once every two weeks but at least i felt like there was someone out there who actually understands what i have to say.

my sister and i sat in front of a psychiatrist and told her we wish our mother actually gave a shit about us and did something to help her children have a better life instead of spending the day on her phone and guess what she said? "you cant change her, deal with it"

we were just around 10 minutes into our time together and my sister brought up concerns she had about me and she basically dismissed it completely, saying "but you dont have this trait" that someone would only know if they actually knew me when she had barely even talked to me at all. i always felt like i struggle with certain things that she said i have no problem with when she simply does not know me even a little bit at all. she just heard a couple things about me and assumed i am someone im not.

i said "i actually went back to school because i wanted to avoid trouble with my mom, not because i wanted to" and what she heard was "i loved going back to school". i said i used to want to be a literature professor and what she heard is "i like reading". my sister said i go to sleep too late (which is only partially correct) and she said "ok, i'll give you this so you can sleep"

i told her i gave up on the idea of being a teacher when i was 15 because i know how hard it would be to get there and thats not even what i want to do and she said "well this is a generation thing" like the reason i didn't pursue a goal i knew would lead me nowhere is because im a tiktok brained little gen z child that doesnt want to put effort into things that take time ???????? my dream is to star in a musical, i just dont have the means to do that. i know i dont. im never gonna have what i truly want so i can only chase after these smaller little things i could feasibly do but they dont last long. i know i'll never be happy as a teacher, not even as a literature professor, that's why im not gonna even try. i know this is gonna take years and im not even gonna be satisfied when i get there. im not gonna waste my time and money doing something i only kind of wanted to do, i shouldnt even have brought that up but we were talking about teaching and jobs and i thought it was appropriate to mention i once wanted to teach. not anymore.

i said i changed schools a lot. i liked the first school i went to, but my mom put me in a public school in third grade because well. it doesn't cost anything. but i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it. my mom then put me in a different school. i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it, but i knew if i said that to my mom she'd get mad. when i was in seventh grade my mom "threatened" to take me out of the school because of my grades and because i put no effort into my studies at all (because i hated going to school) so she put me back into a different school. i didnt like going there because i couldn't get used to it but i knew there was nowhere else for me to go. then i finally got to actually choose which school i was going to when i changed schools for the last time for high school. i went with a friend, so i assumed it would be easier. i hated going there. it was only at the end of my third year there that i thought "actually, i like this school. i wish i didnt change schools in third grade and stayed right here". and the psychiatrist said "you changed schools a lot so you clearly don't have a problem adapting to new environments". #girl you have talked to me for a grand total of 7 minutes.

i'm supposed to go back there and talk to her again in less than 30 days now and i am dreading the day i have to open my mouth and say a word to that woman again. i'd rather have my sister go alone or my mom or someone else and talk about me, i think i would be more helpful than if i go there and try to explain myself just for her to misunderstand everything i have to say.

[iloveyou8600]

im going to . im just going to talk because i usually see my therapist twice a week and hes away for two weeks. and i live at my parents who i have a horrible relationship with. and i dont have any friends near me and i was bullied and hazed by my hometown in a way that traumatized me so im afraid to go places alone. and my boss has me working from home this week so im just entirely isolated. i dont know why nobody talks to me when it isnt about socializing or making plans to go out. last week i found out from my doctor that ive developed pcos symptoms from having long covid and i also gained ten pounds and im usually so fat-positive and i never have been upset about that before but its putting me in dysphoria hell because im sick of being in a body thats so curvaceous and theres just no way to reach androgyny or hide my anatomy at all and the fatter i get the girlier i look. im at like a totally fucking breaking point today because ive been trying to work from home but the database we use isnt working and customer service isnt answering calls so i just cant work. the estate that i get paid out of is THREE WEEKS behind in pay so im just deeply fucking poor right now. i need to get supplements and medication to treat the pcos symptoms but i canr afford it because im not getting paid. and now im scared i wont be paid for today because i cant work because i cant get into the database. i have nothing to do but i cant leave my room because my father is really abusive and i dont have any friends around here and im terrified of being alone in public. and i would obviously be trying to move back out if i wasnt THREE WEEKS BEHIND IN PAY. and my coworker is one of my best friends but they will not ever answer their phone ever so they will not help me or stand by me when im trying to get my boss to fucking help or pay us. i want to stop feeling this way about my body because i love fat people and i know their is nothing morally wrong with being fat but i just hate being born a woman so so much that i hate anything that makes it clear that i have a woman’s body so im starting to fucking hate being fat and i feel guilty and shameful for hating it about myself on top of hating myself. and i have nobody to talk too!!! 😭😭 like what the fuck do you do when you have nobody to talk to. this is why i go to therapy twice a week because my friends are reallt smart and awesome but theyre not sensitive like i am and they dont ever need or want support so i have to rely on finding it myself but i cant i just feel. desperate to be heard by somebody and its never satisfying because even when i am heard by somebody. it doesnt feel real or validating at all. i am so lonely and scared at this fucking house and im truly starting to hate my body and i feel too old and wise to be feeling like this now.

[atlabeth]

because i love you - spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: spencer has a best friend in one of the secretaries at the office, but after a case nearly goes very wrong, he can't seem to figure out why she's mad at him.

a/n: hey yall..,. this is my first cm fic and i dont know if im gonna write another one but. im dipping my toes into the water. im going. im not confident in my ability to write these characters at all but its cool. its chill. its aight. is it? idk. i wrote this very quickly and it is NOT proofread so i apologize if it's a fucking mess lmao!

warning(s): cursing, mentions of violence on past cases, y/n and spencer both being little shits, argument between them but it all ends in fluff <3

wc: 2.5k

Spencer could tell that you were mad at him.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out — the way that you avoided him in the office, how short you were with him when you actually did talk to him, you just ignoring him as a whole unless it was related to business? He hated it.

Just this morning, he had entered Garcia’s office to ask her about something regarding a detail for one of his files, and you had been in there chatting with her. When you had spotted him, you had made up some shoddy excuse, dropped off the papers in your hands, and gotten out as quickly as possible.

(“Garcia, do you know what’s wrong with her?” he asked, brows furrowing as he watched you leave.

Penelope sighed as she thumbed through the papers, shaking her head in the process. “Reid, you’re going to have to ask her yourself. I love you, but this is something you have to work out on your own.”

“Garcia—! She’s been avoiding me ever since that last case, but I don’t know what I did wrong. I just want us to get back to normal because this— I don’t like this.”

She sighed as she set the stack of papers on her desk and turned to him. “Reid, as much as I wish I could help you, this is your responsibility.” Her eyes twinkled as she gave him a smile. “Trust me though — I think you’ll be surprised with how it works out.”)

A secretary and an agent — the two of you were a bit of a rare pair around the BAU, but it was a much appreciated friendship on both sides.

Spencer didn’t know how it had taken him so long to meet you, but the first time he laid eyes on you? The easiest word for how he had felt was enchanted. You were beautiful, there was no question about it, but he told himself that you were completely out of his league. Women who looked like you — he had seen enough in college to know that he didn’t stand a chance.

But despite that, he found himself talking to you more and more whenever you had papers to give to him, or whenever you passed by his desk. One night, the two of you were both knee deep in paperwork when almost the entire rest of the office had left; it was a very long four hours after closing hours that you had ended up leaving.

Spencer had finished his in half the time. He stayed so he could keep talking to you as well as keep you company. It was then that he knew he would never be satisfied with just friends — but because there was no way you reciprocated his feelings, it was something that he would have to settle for.

(But really, being friends with you wasn’t settling for anything. No time with you was ever enough, so anything he could get was something he was happy with.)

The more the two of you talked, the more you clicked. You never shut him down on his info dumps, you actually encouraged him to continue — a very welcome first — and you never treated him any differently or made him feel ashamed about the parts of himself others had put him down for.

You made it very clear that you liked every part of him, and soon enough, Spencer Reid had found a dear friend in one of the BAU’s secretaries — or his ‘favorite secretary’, the way you jokingly referred to yourself. If only you knew how true that statement was.

All of this — it was why Spencer couldn’t stand you being mad at him. The two of you had been fine before he left for that case and fine when they all came home, but the next day? Something was wrong, and with the way that you were avoiding him, it looked like Penelope was right. This was something he would have to figure out on his own.

-

“He what?”

Derek sighed and crossed his arms as he leaned against the countertop. “Pretty boy took off his vest while he was trying to deflate the situation — said that it was the only way the unsub would trust him. Reid trusts in the profile more than he should sometimes, and we thought that this guy wouldn’t shoot, but he did. If he didn’t have such shitty aim, then it most likely would’ve gotten him—” he tapped the side of his torso, “—here. He’s lucky it missed. It… it would’ve been bad.”

“God,” you muttered, the coffee in your grip becoming increasingly less appetizing. “I— I can’t believe him. Why would he do that? You— you have those Kevlars for a reason, why would he—?”

Derek shook his head. “No idea. I just… thought you deserved to know. Pretty boy wasn’t going to tell you, and— well, I know that something like this is important to you. You ever gonna tell him how you feel?”

You felt the heat rush to your cheeks as you elbowed him, your anger at Reid temporarily forgotten. “I have no idea what you mean, Morgan. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some— some papers to get to.”

He laughed as he took a step aside to give you room, but his expression softened a bit. “Just— go easy on him, okay?”

You sighed and spared a glance back at him. “No promises.”

-

It had been almost two weeks of this. Almost two weeks straight of no casual talking, no hanging out by his desk in your free time, no lunch breaks spent together, no coffees, nothing. It was driving him crazy. And of course, this was when they didn’t get any cases. Spencer didn’t even have a cross country trip to get this off his mind, or a way to avoid your avoiding of him.

Every time he tried to talk to you, he got nowhere. A mumbled excuse would get you away, or you would suddenly have to print something out right that minute, or there was a phone call you really had to get to. Spencer didn’t know how he was supposed to fix something when he didn’t know what he had done wrong.

But one morning, he was prepared. Spencer was tired of this silent treatment, and he was going to break it one way or another. He had seen you leave Hotch’s office with a stack of papers, and he knew that this was his one chance.

He had gotten up from his desk and all but ran through the bullpen, not even bothering to take the steps as he turned down the hallway, managing to catch you right on the turn. Your eyes flicked up briefly before returning to the end of the hallway, your destination much more interesting than anything Spencer had to say.

“Y/N—” Spencer started, but you cut him off before he could get anything out.

“I don’t have time to talk right now,” you responded curtly.

“You’re walking down a hallway. Besides, you were just with Hotch, so I assume that you’re taking those to Agent Johnson— he was in his office last night, so they’re obviously dealing with something together. You have approximately two minutes and thirty seconds before you get there, so you have enough time to listen to what I have to say.”

“Fine. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Come on!” he pleaded, each of his steps matching two of yours. “Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not.” You didn’t look up your papers, trying to speed up your pace to get away from him, but with the legs that Spencer had it was hopeless. Right when you were about to turn the corner, he stepped in front of you and blocked your way. The absolute nerve.

“What are you doing?” you fumed, finally forced to make eye contact.

“I want to know why you’re mad at me,” he repeated. “I know you are, you know you are — ever since the last case, you’ve been completely ignoring me on anything other than official business. You’re— you’re avoiding me, and I don’t like it.”

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” you said, the bitterness not lost on him. “You know, IQ of 187 and all.”

“Look!” he exclaimed, growing more irritated by the second with your beating around the bush. “If— if I did something wrong, then I’m sorry—”

“If you did something wrong?” you scoffed. “God, you are so— ugh!”

Your eyes darted around to ensure that you were alone, then you grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty conference room. You let go of him then stalked to the other side of the room, dropping your papers on the table to cross your arms.

Spencer looked down at the wrist that you had dragged him in there with and pulled down his ruffled sleeve before fixing you with a disgruntled look. “Well? Are you gonna tell me what your problem is?”

“My problem is you!” you cried, letting one arm loose to gesture with it. “Spencer, you almost got shot!”

“But I didn’t,” he countered. “Things like that are part of the job, you know that. And how did you even know?”

“I—” you paused and pinched the bridge of your nose, muttering curses under your breath. "Morgan told me, but I really wish it had come from you. And I know it’s the job, but you— it’s like you don’t even care, Reid! You just— how many times have you taken off your goddamn vest while trying to talk down an unsub? How many times have you put yourself into danger when you didn’t need to?”

“Around—”

“Don’t answer that!” you interrupted. You pressed the heel of your hand against your forehead and screwed your eyes shut for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “You can’t keep doing that, Spencer!”

“Doing what?” he demanded, taking a step closer in what you took as a challenge. “You— you keep saying how mad you are at me, but you won’t tell me anything about it! How do you expect me to fix anything if you don’t—”

“You can’t keep being so careless!” you yelled, cutting him off once more. “You can’t keep throwing yourself into danger without a second thought!”

“I told you, it’s the job!” He ran a shaky hand through his hair and shook his head, letting loose a long exhale. “Every time I get on that plane, something could happen — you know that. Why— why don’t you treat anyone else like this anytime they do something stupid?”

“Because I love you!”

You immediately clamped your hands over your mouth after the words fell from your lips, taking an instinctual step back as both of your eyes widened.

You’re an idiot. You’re an idiot, god, you’re a fucking idiot — what the hell was wrong with you?

Your crush on Spencer Reid was a secret that you worked very hard to keep, considering that you were constantly surrounded by profilers and nosy people alike almost all hours of the day. It had become something you were aware of about a week after you had met, the very first time that he brought you a coffee. From there, you were doomed to fall completely head over heels for the doctor, despite him showing no signs of reciprocating your feelings.

Luckily for you, Spencer seemed to be completely oblivious to it. Unluckily for you, Spencer seemed to be completely oblivious to it.

But now? Now, there was nothing you could do. You had already started writing your letter of resignation in your head as you stared into each other’s eyes, your own wide with mortification and Spencer’s with something unreadable.

“...you love me?” He posed it like a question, something you thought was completely ridiculous with how you had just made a fool of yourself. Any words were stuck in your throat, so all you could do was nod.

He stood there in silence, the seconds feeling more like years, before he took a step closer. Now more than ever you were focused on his eyes, the way that they stayed trained on your face the entire time, drifting down to your lips for just a second before returning.

Before you knew it, he was standing right in front of you. Spencer placed a finger underneath your chin and tipped it up slowly before meeting your lips in a kiss that you had most definitely not imagined happening before. You returned it eagerly, but it took you a few seconds to register what was actually happening.

“I, uh— I love you too.” He was still so close to you, the proximity already causing your breath to stop, and you were sure that you could’ve passed out with those four words. “And I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

“You… you do?” Any early fury had been extinguished, replaced with confusion, awe, and the unmistakable feeling of being loved.

He loved you.

“Ever since that first day,” he admitted. Spencer’s hand slowly fell back to his side as he took a cautious step back, as if he was doubting his sudden boldness. “I... I knew it after the first night with all that paperwork.”

As a sigh fell from your lips, a huge weight on your shoulders dissolved as well. “I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “For getting mad at you, and avoiding you. But… you get it, don’t you? Why I worry so much?”

Spencer nodded. “I think about you all the time in the field. It— the thought of you, it keeps me going when things are hard. And I always think about how glad I am that you’re back here, away from all the danger. That’s how it is for you, right?”

A small smile formed as you echoed his sentiment. “Exactly. There are so many people that care about you, Spencer, and I’m one of them. Every time you get hurt, it hurts me too. And I don’t want to lose you, so… just be more careful, okay?”

“I will.”

The earlier silence returned — neither of you really knew what to do at that moment. You idled for a second before you picked up your papers from the table, and with a slight push up onto your toes, you kissed him once more. Soft, short, and sweet — but the unsaid promise of more in the future had Spencer smiling into it.

“I, um— I actually do have to get these to Agent Johnson. This has made me really late, but…” You found yourself laughing softly; this whole thing had left you giddy. “But I’ll see you at lunch. Maybe we can grab a coffee and talk about this whole thing.”

“I’d like that,” he said, his smile seemingly stuck on his lips. You felt your cheeks heat up as you returned it, and his eyes remained trained on you as you walked out.

His job was hard, there was no question about it. But you… well, you made it a lot easier.

Spencer considered himself the luckiest man alive to love and be loved by you.

[haikyuuthots]

Hi I really enjoyed you tik tok prank head canon! Is there any way you can make a head canon where the reader calls them bro prank lol. Like how would they react. Can you do Atsumu, Suna, Bokuto and Ushijima please!!!! Thank you 😽

Calling him “bro” prank

Characters: Miya Atsumu, Suna Rintaro, Bokuto Koutarou and Ushijima Wakatoshi

Warnings: none I think

Scenario: how the boys would react if you tried the calling them bro prank on them haha

A/n; thanks for requesting!!! I had a lot of fun writing this one, I hope you enjoy it 😌💕

——————————————————————

Miya Atsumu

You always referred to Atsumu as babe, baby or love

So when you saw this prank on Tik tok you wanted to see how he would react

You were both sitting in the living room of your shared apartment

He was watching a volleyball game on the tv while you were writing an essay on your laptop

He was going crazy talking about a serve one of his favorite teams just did

“Woooo babe did ya see that crazy serve?!??”

You thought this might be a good time to pull the prank off

“Mmm no i didn’t can you go back so I can see it?”

He rewinds the video and you watch intently as he shows excitement all over again

“Bro!! That was so cool” you say as casual as possible

Atsumu’s entire demeanor changes, and the look of excitement he had seconds ago completely fades

“What did ya just call me?” His face filled with confusion

“Huh when?” You try your best not to laugh out loud, he looks completely lost lmao

“Literally 3 seconds ago, you called me bro.”

“I did?” You’re doing your best to play it off

“Yes you did! I hate it I’m not your bro. ” He’s slightly pouting

You slightly chuckle “aw come on bro don’t be like that.”

He looks towards you with a disgusted face, he is evidently unsatisfied with your choice of words

“Y/n stop dont call me that I’m baby and nothing else I will actually ignore you if you call me that again.” He actually looks a bit upset

But you still wanna tease him a bit more

“Fine I’m sorry.,,” you briefly laugh and pause for a second “...bro”

“That’s it I’m ignoring ya til ya act right.”

He gets up and begins to walk away

You’re full blown laughing now “baby baby wait.” You say as you reach out to stop him

His ears slightly perk up at the mention of his regular nickname

Still laughing you talk “it’s a prank. I’m just messing with you. I saw it on Tik Tok

He looks down out you, in disbelief, his frown quickly changing into a smile

Soon after he starts laughing with you

“Chaotic duo*

“That was actually kinda mean babe, I was like wtf why is she calling me her brother”

You start laughing even more “ wtf did you actually think I would call you bro? Never. you’re baby.”

He leans in closer to you and gently grabs you by the waist kissing you softly on the lips “better be.”

You kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck, he softly picks you up causing you to wrap your legs around his torso as he continues to kiss you

Pulling away briefly he speaks again “but seriously don’t ever call me bro again I hate it”

“I won’t” you answer smiling up at him.

Suna Rintaro

You usually don’t try to pull pranks on him because he normally never falls for them

But after watching so many of these on tik tok and watching the reactions you were curious to try it out yourself

You’re casually sitting on your boyfriends lap while you’re both on your phones watching short videos

A few time passes by when Suna breaks the silence between you two

“Hey babe you hungry?”

You thought this was the perfect time to call him bro

“Nah bro I’m good” you say sounding as normal as possible

Suna drops his phone and gently shifts you from his lap making you look towards him

You ignore him and continue to look down at your phone lol

He doesn’t say anything at first, leaving an awkward silence for a few seconds

Still staring in disbelief he breaks the silence again “pause that and look at me real quick.”

You do as he says and you look up at him innocently acting like nothing is wrong

“What’s up?” You innocently reply

His grip tightens around you waist a bit “did you.. really just call me that?”

“What are you talking about?” You’re trying your best to keep a straight face

“You just called me bro.” He’s pouting

You honestly can’t believe he fell for it hahahaha

“Oh. Yeah I did. Does that bother you?” You’re just trying to rile him up at this point lmao

He scowls at your reply, gently pushing you off of his lap so he can look at you better “yes that bothers me, I’m not out here calling you dude or anything because you’re my girlfriend.”

You can’t help but laugh at his expression. Completely satisfied at the fact he actually reacted to your little prank

Suna is beyond confused “why are you laughing? I’m serious please don’t call me bro.”

“Baby” you gently leans towards his chest as you continue to laugh “I’m totally joking, it’s a prank I saw on tik tok.”

He cracks a small smile before he speaks again “this is the dumbest prank ever.”

You’re still laughing “yeah? But you were hella pressed so it worked.”

He rolls his eyes at your teasing “yeah yeah you got me.”

Still smiling you sit on his lap again and hug him tightly placing small kisses on his face to lighten up his mood

“I promise I would never call you bro and mean it.”

He smiles into your kisses, tightening his grip around your body while he kisses you gently on the lips

“I’m glad you wouldn’t cause I’m your boyfriend.”

“I know baby.” You respond leaning in once again, to close the gap between your lips.

Bokuto Koutarou

You have not called bokuto by his name since you started dating

It’s always a baby, babe or bub

So when you were on tik tok and saw a girl prank her boyfriend by calling him bro you wanted to try it out yourself on your boyfriend.

You and bokuto were tangled in each other’s arms watching a movie together.

The movie was a suspenseful, drama and the scene that was playing had a lot of blood

As you wince at the gore, you quickly decide this is where you’re gonna do the prank lol

“Aww bro look at all that blood.” You say, with a hint of disgust in your voice

Bokutos grip around you loosens, and he quickly goes to look for the remote to pause the tv

He’s looking towards you, with a very large frown on his face

You slightly chuckle “what’s wrong you don’t like the gore?”

“No it’s not that.” He answers still frowning

“Then what is it?” You respond pretending to not know why he’s really upset

“It’s just..... are you mad at me or something?”

You give him a confused look “why would I be mad at you?”

“I don’t know but you always call me babe, or something but just now... you called me bro.”

You’re doing your best to hold back your laughter “bro you sound crazy.”

Now Bokuto is pouting even more than before “aw did you just bro me again?” He dramatically buries his face in his hands “im sorry i made you mad but can you please go back to calling me baby?”

You can’t keep the joke going any further, Bokutos distressed figure is actually making you feel bad

“Baby” you coo as you remove his hands from his face “I’m just kidding, it’s a prank.”

You start laughing out more as you watch Bokuto relax into your touch

He instantly joins in to laugh with you

“Oh my god I can’t believe you got me.”

“I honestly didn’t even think you would notice”

“How could I not, you called me bro!” He replies still laughing a bit

“Why would you think I was mad though?” You question, still chuckling

“Why else would you call me such a terrible name? The only reason I could think of is if you were upset with me.”

You briefly laugh as you lean in to kiss bokuto softly on the lips, he reciprocates right away tightening his hold around your waist

Pulling away from the kiss bokuto speaks again, “do me favor and never call me bro again? I really hated it.”

You lovingly look at your boyfriends face “ oh I promise I won’t, I hated it too.”

He chuckles at your reply as he leans in to kiss you once again

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima was used to you calling him Toshi or love.

In fact he only ever responded to you when you called him one or the other

One time you called him by his last name and the man deadass unintentionally ignored you

That being said this man is still very stoic and hardly ever shows any reactions

So when you saw this prank you weren’t sure if he would react, the most you were expecting was to be ignored lol

You and Ushijima were out in the store buying some groceries

You were thinking of a good time to causally call him bro and you finally decided to do it when you were at the vegetable aisle

Picking up a giant broccoli you look over to Ushijima, quickly grabbing his attention

“Bro look at this broccoli it’s huge!” You say enthusiastically

Ushijima is staring at you with a blank stare, almost trying to understand the words that just came out of your mouth

“Helllo????” You say waving your hand in front of his face

Ushijima gently grabs your hands and lowers it

Still holding on, he asks in the most serious tone “what did you just call me?”

You’re holding back a smile trying your best to be as serious as you can

“Oh just now??? I said bro”

“Why would you call me that?” He’s looking at you with a confused face

“Because we’re close, people who are close always casually call each other bro”

“But y/n we”re dating.”

“Sooooo??” You say still trying your best not to burst out laughing

“People who are dating don’t call each other bro they call each other cute pet names”

“But you don’t call me any pet names?”

“Babe. I call you babe, that’s a pet name.”

“Well I want you to call me bro.” At this point you’re about to break, this conversation is so funny to you.

“I’m not gonna call you bro. And I don’t want you calling me bro either, I hate that.”

“Come on bro don’t be like that.” You teasingly say letting out a small chuckle

Ushijima once again stares at you, this time he’s evidently unamused

“I won’t respond to you if you keep calling me that.” He says as he begins to walk away

You’re full blown laughing as you run to stop Ushijima from walking away any further

“Toshi wait” you say holding onto his shirt

Ushijima turns around to look at you, still very confused

“I’m totally joking, I would never call you bro. It’s a prank I saw in tik tok.”

Ushijima cracks a soft smile, looking down at you as you laugh

“Thank god, I was so confused by that entire conversation.”

“I could tell, you’ve never looked more lost.”

He gently grabs you to hold you as you guys begin to walk again

“Alright let’s go, we need to finish shopping.”

“Okay love.”

He smiles as he hears the common pet name. That what he loved hearing you call him.

[serostuffsmh]

Okay so i hate canon and its soft overhaul time (thanks for the characters and world building horikoshi but i'll take it from here) (also no worries about deleting my ask dude, im kinda glad i got an excuse to get into the soft writing headspace again-and dw im saving this one in another writing app too!)

- he's usually strict with no PDA in front of his workers/ in public, but the second you two are alone he becomes the clingiest,most touch-starved soft boy, you have no idea

-when he's sitting down he always wants one of your knees to be touching/leaning against his (thats the secret reason why he manspreads like that)

-if you want some more distance he still wants your shoes to touch his (and not even in a playing kinda way; he's happy to just sit still, maintaining physical contact with you)

-he's always had to maintain a tough outer shell bc of his work, so at first he wants to be the one that you lean against and fall asleep on, but one day you finally convince him to lay his head down on your lap, and you can literally see it AWAKEN something behind his eyes (this is probably what jumpstarts his clinginess in a relationship; boy's been holding in stuff since childhood and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable for the first time like that just released the floodgates)

-after that, his pride would prevent him from ever verbally asking for physical affection, but all of the precepts would notice how he'll sometimes start shifting his weight too often in his chair (especially at the end of the workday, or if you two havent seen each other for a few days), he's also picked up the habit of nervously tapping on his desk or with a pen (which baffles chrono, since kai has never shown those habits, even when he was younger he internalized a lot of his emotions)

- also if its just you two + chrono/nemoto in a room or meeting, overhaul becomes a bit more lax with his "no PDA" policy; he feels comfortable enough to lay a hand on your shoulder, letting you hold onto his arm, and having both of you absentmindedly play with each other's hands

-it doesnt matter if you've been sitting in his lap for 2 hours or 10 minutes; when you get up, he tries to hide it but its obvious he gets sad like when a puppy notices their human is leaving the house without them.

-falling asleep; if you fall asleep while leaning against him on the couch, or in his lap then he is genuinely gonna do anything to avoid getting up/moving you. Im talking texting chrono to open his office door EXTREMELY quietly and straight up whisper a conversation with him. Trying to move phone or in-person meetings to emails so he can type instead of waking you up.

-if you fall asleep on his couch without him, he really needs to move, or he sees you really need some quality sleep then you're getting carried bridal style into bed. Doesnt matter if you wake up or insist you're not tired; you're getting tucked in bro, i dont make the rules.

-is secretly really proud when you feel comfortable enough to start stealing his shirts; even moreso when you start taking them without timidly asking everytime. He won't ever verbally admit this, but he'll also never complain about missing them. Every once in a while he'll buy a shirt with the sole intention of seeing you wear it, but he's never gonna drop any hints of it.

please anon, I love your headcanons, they're so soft :>

- Seeing you fall asleep gives him a better view of your face to stare at and study, like just look at you, you're so precious.

- His general restlessness during work can be solved if your in the same room. It's kind of like body doubling, it helps him focus if you're there with him.

- The pda doesn't need to be over the top, just enough so you're both comfortable and satisfied.

- And I also love the headcanon that he would tuck you in bed. He doesn't want you to get chilly so he pulls the covers up to your nose.

- Just seeing you romp or lounge around in his dress shirts makes him smile, and watching you try to justify why you wear them is funny in it's own way because he likes when you do it.

[magpiie]

Kidnapped by Baby Yoda pt. 3

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

hey guys pls lmk what you think and be honest!!! thank you so much for 80 notes holy fucking shit wowie 

It's weird one day you're assisting teaching a class to a bunch of miscellaneous alien children on nevarro hating your life, and the next you're stuck on a ship with a mandalorian and his foundling who inexplicably decided he needed you to come.

“I'm going to talk to him today kid, believe me” you said to the lump of wool perched on your knee. Mando was out doing maker knows what, and you were left alone with the little guy like always. His big eyes gazed at you dubiously as if to say suuuuure. The amount of judgmental bitchy energy he could produce sometimes was astounding. “No really, i've been living here for what, uh 3 weeks maybe? And all we've really said to each other was the initial greeting and uh the exchange of names?” The last part trails off as you realize you don't even know his name. You said yours but he responded with telling you to call him Mando. So you didn't push it. You dont know alot about mandalorians considering they are almost extinct and their beliefs are often made to seem like folklore. But you do know that individualism and identity is not something particularly celebrated. So you decided to leave the amount of information he wants to share with you up to him out of respect. So far that's been none. “So, kid, how'd you break through his shell? He likes you?” the child just blinks unhelpfully. “I mean you never talk to him, but i've tried that and we saw how that went” literally radio silence from him. You don't particularly think of yourself as an extrovert who constantly needs interaction but you do need some. And currently you have the kid as a companion and if you didn't know any better you'd say Mando was a droid with how he acts. You also resolved that you needed to help out more. Basically you were a glorified babysitter and the idea that Mando was going to realize that he was better off without you on his ship as deadweight terrified you. You were a good cook, I guess you could say, but Mando always brought food back with him when he went out and then would hide in his room to eat in privacy. So that's not very helpful. The main thing that you could offer him was medical help. Back on Nevarro growing up you were the youngest of three older brothers. And considering your mother wasnt really in the picture, you had to take up the doctor role for the amount of fights three older boys could get into. You knew how to treat basically any external damage and how to sterilize and limit risk of infection. But how would you ever bring that up to mando if you guys didn't even greet each other in the mornings? Sometimes you would try to talk to him with something as simple as “good morning!” or “welcome back” or “night” or even just a simple “hey” sometimes he would bless you with a monosyllabic grunt but never anything more. But hey, you would take what you would get. After a week of this call and no response bullshit you kinda gave up and have spent the last two weeks in silence other than your episode this morning with the “good morning” fiasco. You feel your mortification settle back into your stomach at the fool you made of yourself. “Maker above, mando must hate me.” sometimes you wondered if he regretted asking you to come. But he doesn't really seem like the type of person to let you stay if you annoyed him. “Ok bug, here's the plan. What im gonna do is i will say hey when he comes back, sound good?” you look for confirmation from the creature and he gives you a slight tilt of his chin. Satisfied you continue, “and i will uhm say good night and good morning every day until he responds or tells me to shut up.” you finish with a huff of breath. This will either end with you finally finally getting to have real human interaction or left on some random ass planet god knows where.     

Mando makes his way back to ship feeling the pebbles crunch beneath the heavy sole of his boot. This planet was a desert planet much like nevarro, he wondered if you missed home. Mean no shit she's probably homesick dumbass he thinks its not like he was doing anything to make the ship feel welcoming. Like talking to you. But you made the ship feel like a home for the kid and that's more than he could ever want. You probably didn't realize how much what you were doing meant to him. You made the kid happy, you were giving him something that mando never could, a mother figure. Mando tried his hardest to be what he thought was a father for the kid but it was hard. He had to go and work and it wasn't safe to bring a kid so he was often swept around to different planets and left for hours by himself waiting for mando to come back and it was hard on mando. But you, now you were there. And the kid was always safe with you. He should probably teach you some self defense he thought considering how dangerous being associated with him was especially considering you needed to protect the child. But honestly, mando had no idea if you knew how to protect yourself, you might, space is a dangerous world. He only knew that you were a teacher but that was it. Slightly alarming that he implicitly trusted you without any prior knowledge of you or your credentials. You could be a bounty hunter assigned to kill him for all he knew, or to steal the kid, but you probably would have done that by now. Mando didn't know what made you trustworthy to him. You just were. And that terrified him. 

You're sitting in the cockpit with the child pretending to fly the ship as he gurgles happily in your lap. you giggle at the little guy and make finger guns and pretend to shoot an imaginary monster outside the window, “i'm the most fearsome bounty hunter in the guild,” the child lets out a particularly loud noise at that, “uhhh yes i am dont laugh at me, i am feared far and wide across the galaxy,” you tickle his sides with that one. youre so into playing with the kid you don't realize mando was back and is staring at you from the entryway to the cockpit. “You think i could take on your daddy, bug? You think it'd beat him in a shootout? Huh?” you say with your fingers poised and ready at the window.

“Not a chance,” says a deep voice that vibrates into the floor. You let out an embarrassing startled shriek and feel your heart do twenty somersaults and settle in your feet. The child screams at the interruption and immediately wiggles out of your grasp and waddles to Mando giddily. 

“I-i i was uh joking, really i was,” you stutter out cringing at the incredulous tone your voice comes out as. Remembering your resolve to talk to him you continue on even though you feel like you might throw up your breakfast from nerves. “He misses you during the day,” gesturing to the child, “so i pretend to be you” you finish realizing that sounds super fucking creepy, “well not like- you- like- you,  but i pretend to like uh pilot the ship and uh shoot um things?” you ramble lamely. A huff sounds from the mandalorian and if you allowed yourself to think wishfully it was laughter. 

“Doesn't surprise me. Before you he came everywhere with me.” you feel your eyebrows raise. Everywhere? Shit. 

“Must've been difficult to complete jobs and have to keep track of him,” you say nodding your head towards the little lump of brown wool. Mando offers you an affirmative grunt before setting the child down and turning on his heel towards the fresher. So that was an improvement, you think. Got ten whole words out of him. You feel a grin split your face. Hopefully this means you are past the dancing around each other relationship. And maker above, his voice, wow. If only you could wake up to that every morning. Deep and melodic. You wonder how deep and gravelly it sounds in the mornings. Or how your name would sound tumbling off his lips in pleasure. Nope. not going down that path. That is NOT platonic thoughts. You literally had your first conversation with him since the first day you met him and you're already thinking about that? Seriously pull yourself together. You don't even know what he looks like, or how old he is. Like what if he's like 70. And really ugly. What if your having sex dreams about someone like your grandpa. Ew. Your face contorts at the thought of Mando looking like your grandpa. Okay gross stop. You need to get to know him. Have civil conversations. Push down the gross thoughts. Even if his voice sounds like honey. And home. 

You're sitting in the chair behind the pilot seat reading a random book Mando left out on the scattered floor. Its some type of mechanical manual so its truly riveting. Note the sarcasm. The child's asleep, and seeing as though mando is cooped up in his room this book is better than twiddling your thumbs mindlessly. You decided that if you were going to stay on mandos ship you should at least try to pick up some mechanic skills. Better than the rudimentary at best you had at the present moment. You knew how to fix blatant errors in engines and how to reconnect wires if the instructions were explained thoroughly and very slowly. Okay maybe you didn't really know anything past engines. But that was better than nothing? Kinda? You sigh closing the book after rereading the same sentences about pre-imperial versus post-imperial hyperdrives. Maker what was the difference? The both made the ship go super fast or something? Was that the hyperdrive? You shook your head feeling the thought start to culminate into a downward spiral of what a hyperdrive truly was. You looked around the cluttered hull and decided that you should probably occupy yourself by cleaning up the mess. Mando might appreciate it, it'll also make you less of a deadweight on the ship. It was crazy how much shit one man and his child could accumulate on one tiny ship. You don't think you had ever seen this many small metal bowls in one place. The stack currently in the corner probably contained about 12. In what universe would 2 creatures ever need the same bowls 12 times. Well you guess now it's three. The thought filled your chest with a balloon of warmth only to be popped by the realization that you weren't part of the little family mando and the child were. At best you were a business associate. The kids stand in caregiver. Babysitter.

 The realization that you didn't have anyone to call family at your disposal fell heavy on your shoulders. Sinking you into the corner of the hull. You dont think youve ever felt more alone. In the cold corner of the hull with a hand pressed to your chest in an attempt to quell your ragged breaths.  Like a small raft cast into the oceanic expanse of space. If you drowned, who would notice? Certainly not your family, they were maker knows where, probably light years away. You didn't even know what sector you were in anymore. What would your father think of your decision to leave nevarro? You hadn't seen him in a while but you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. And how he would hug you after a long day. Hold you like you were still his little girl. The craving for a warm embrace from a solid body slammed into you with all the force of a meteor. Leaving you stunned and lost. You briefly wondered how mando coped. How did he deal with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness?  How did he leave his guild? Did he miss them? Were they like a family? Did he think about them often? How did he cope with the lack of touch? Or did he not think about it at all? Did he not need it? Was he so disconnected from the world through his beskar that he couldn't remember the feeling of someone's fingers on his skin? Etching a path with the searing heat they exuded. Hearing approaching footsteps you attempt to pull yourself together. Regulate your breathing, get rid of tear tracks and lose the flush coloring your face. You could do this. As he rounded the corner he stopped. You peered up at him from your curled up position on the floor and offered him a smile that felt unconvincing even on your lips. He tilted his head slightly at you and made his way cautiously to where you were. He bent slightly and offered a brown leather clad hand to you. For a second the only sound heard was the faint crackle of his breathing in his helmet. You could see him faltering. Here he was offering you comfort in your clearly distressed state and you were pointedly ignoring it. You laced your fingers with his and nearly doubled over from the strength he exuded into pulling you up. As soon as you were fairly steady on your feet you marveled at your hand shocked by the warmth creeping through the leather of the glove permeating into your palm. He sighed, a deep release of tension from his shoulders followed. “What's wrong?” he said, his hand still lazily grasping your fingers. You looked at him, what was wrong?

“How do you do it?” you said echoing his words from your first meeting to him. his thumb dragged a slow line along your wrist. When he didn't respond you added, “how are you okay with being alone?” if you could see his face you would say he looked taken aback. He released your hand.

“I'm not.” he offered. Confused as to which question he was answering you remained silent hoping to prompt him to continue. He started again, “I'm not alone, not truly. I have him.” he gestured vaguely to his sleeping quarters where the kid slept. He rubbed the back of his neck, 

“And neither are you.”

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Rabbit ii

More of my purely indulgent fic of Draco Malfoy 💚

W! Mean! Draco(kinda) possessiveness

Tags @khemz1312 @squeaky-ducky

Draco pulled himself away from you to fix his robes and roll his shoulders straightening himself out. The stare he gave you made you shake in your knees, what did you do? It was his lackeys not you..

“The next time.. this happens..”

“It was them not me!”

Draco raised a brow at you, at that raised voice. He stepped over grabbing your face with a smile that seemed to go all the way up his face.”who are you yelling at?”

“Im not.. i.. i mean..i didn't mean too..”

“Should i tell Hufflepuff they have a cheater in the house?”

“No!!” You grabbed his robe pleading with him.

Draco let go of your face to rub your cheek with his thumb. “Say your a good badger who would never yell at her superior” he told her with a smirk.

You did not want to cry in front of him, everytime you did he would lick your cheek and tell you how sweet you taste.. instead you hid your face in his chest to hide your tears while you spoke. “Im a good ba-badger who would never yell at her superior”

You could feel Draco stroking your back in slow movements. “Such a well behaved badger, a good rabbit.” Slowly he took his wand out. “But i think.. i should still punish you.”

The same second you looked up at him he waved his wand around at you .

Everything got much.. much bigger around you. Everything seemed closer and your sense of smell was heightened.. and all you could think about was carrots….

Draco kneeled down, tipping his head looking satisfied with himself . “Perfect. Lets hope i can figure out how to change you back. But never mind that, lets go to class” he scooped you up in his hands and held you up by a nearby mirror looking very happy. “Look at you, so fluffy now” . Your long ears shot up and you began to panic. You were a white rabbit.

***

You were panicking in his grip. No no no. not this. You cant talk, nothing! You had to completely rely on Draco till he changed you back… you looked up at the happy man who was making kiss faces at you telling you how cute you looked like this. He opened his cloak to place you inside a pocket and scratched your head with a finger. “Off we go yeah?” he teased as he started to walk. Draco was so focused on you he did not realize his father had passed him in the hall seeing him talk to a snowy white rabbit. All you could think about was changing back and running away, somewhere safe. Maybe Hagids Hut...but all you could do for right now was wait it out.

The class was spells with Professor Snape. Your ears fell behind you when you heard his voice. He would not help you change back. Draco sat down in the back taking you out of his pocket to place you on his lap and scratch your chin. The look he gave you was demeaning…. So happy with himself, satisfied with his work. Treating you like a legit animal and turning you into one. What if he never figured out how to change you back!? You hopped in a circle on his lap panicking all over again. Snape isint gonna help me, what am i gonna do ?! what if i hop away and find help, but i cant talk!! And Draco would probably turn me into a frog ! what about.. McGonagall, she can turn into a cat maybe she could help me...

“Shh shh… pretty rabbit” he spread his legs slouching in his chair.” Be good and i might change you back.” his tone was condescending and hurtful, he had all the power right now. Your ears fell behind you again and you hopped to his stomach nuzzling his shirt up and over your eyes trying to pretend you were anywhere else. He cooed down at you scratching your rear and tugging your ear lightly. “Arent you cute when you wanna be ey? You didint want to snuggle the other night but look at you now.” you felt his hand scratch at your rear again. Why would i want to snuggle after what you did… “I like having you there Rabbit. Gets you used to my scent and i can feel your little wet nose wiggling against my chest, your cold padded front feet kneading my lap.” shut up.. I hate this, i hate it.. his long fingers stroked along your back, back and forth. “Your so fragile like this, a defenseless little Rabbit, if i change you back will you do this for me when your human?” he asked you, expecting an answer. What? Does he mean cuddle? You shook your head and budged your face into his chest feeling really sad. Why me, he could have picked on anyone else. If he changes me back im going to ask… You stretched a leg out getting sleepy. Why does that feel .. so nice.. Why is he being like this.. “aww, “ he tickled your little foot, smirking big. “Comfy on me? How adorable. Lets hope Snape doesn't call on me for some bloody demonstration” Draco turned his attention to the man, a hand still on your back rubbing ever so slowly, lulling you right to sleep.

Later on you woke up from the sound of students and the smell of food. It was dark and you could only see Draco a little bit . you must be in his pocket again. I slept the whole class? Is it lunchtime? The day is almost over then. Im hungry.. Dracos robe pockets were deep, deep enough for you to sit comfortably in his robe with two front feet sticking out in front of you. It was cozy… you wished it wasn't. All you could smell was him, all you could really hear was him, him him him… You yawned kicking your back feet around alerting Draco that you were awake. He moved his arm a bit so his robe opened making it easy for him to see you. He smiled down at you and held out some of a carrot for you. “Have a nice nap Pet? You slept the whole class” he held his robe open with his free hand .

You sniffed the carrot hearing your tummy growl. Dammit why is he like this… i am hungry..

It was mentally painful for you to do but you held your mouth open and Draco placed the carrot on your bottom teeth chuckling to himself.

“Malfoy? Where'd you get the rabbit?” Crabb asked him, from the opposite side of the table.

“Never took you for an animal lover mate.” Goyle added.

“None of your business, its for class” he snapped at them before feeding you again.

Ugn,,, just give me the whole thing… you kicked your feet and Draco glanced down at you again. “Hungry still? Can you give me the big sad eyes?”

You want me to beg you.. While im a rabbit.. For food!? When is this going to end…

You sighed low, moved your front paws together so they overlapped, lowered your ears till they touched your back and gave Draco the biggest, saddest eyes you could do, you even added in a lip quiver.

“Thaaaats my good Rabbit, my good girl.” he held out the whole carrot and you took it into the pocket nibbling like crazy.

“Hes talking to his rabbit”

“Just.. just dont say anything…”

After lunch Draco decided to just stroll around the castle. He talked about himself mostly or his father. He had you up on his shoulder and was outside the castle just walking around. Everyone he passed either gave him a look or asked about his companion. If they were not Slytherin he did not even look at them. But if they were of his House he would tell them he had a special class assignment and had to drag a rat around all day. Every now and then he would nuzzle his cheek on you while he walked, hands in his pockets, smile on his face, head in the clouds.

“Ya know Rabbit, this is the best day i've had in a long time i think. Its a lot less tiring than making hell for that Gryffindor kid. How bout you Pet? Good day?” he looked at you nuzzling you again.

I cannot…. Begin to explain how awful this is… i'm not your little accessory. Its your lackey's fault i'm stuck like this. I think you are a - wah!

Draco brought you to his chest to hold you as he sat down near a small river with flowers next to it. He had one leg up and placed you between them to scratch your chin. “Want a little treat for being so good?” he leaned over picking a flower, holding it down to you.

Are you kidding me…

“No? Cmon love, cheers”

You thumped a foot opening your mouth for him to place the little dandelion in. “good little Rabbit, tasty?”

You swallowed the flower whole with wide eyes. It is good.. You got out of his lap to hop to the flowers munching another and another making Draco laugh to himself. “Well i guess so Pet.” he watched you munch on a few flowers for awhile, leaning back on his hands. “Rabbit” he said.

What now… You turned to him with your ears back.

“Come to me,” he pat his lap. “Cmon, right here”

Im not a damn dog.. You hopped over between his legs again and he scratched your back in long strokes.Ugn dooonttt.. Il fall asleep again … Your little body slouched over his thigh and you nuzzled your face into his crotch closing your eyes.

“Must be the sweet spot yeah?” he glided his fingers down then up your fuzzy back watching your back legs kick out from under you. You were getting sleepy all over again. Dammit why.. Just stay… aw..aw...awak...e…

“If only you would let me do this when your human.” you heard him say.

Wait what? What did he say just now? Your nose wiggled and you laid your chin on his crotch staring up at him.

“What? I told you i dont know how to change you back” he spat out looking away.

Maybe,, pretend to sleep…

You nuzzled your face back into his crotch closing your eyes and Draco laid his head on his knee watching you.

“Those fucking two trying to touch you, i dont know what came over me. Your mine, Little Rabbit. No one can touch you, no one can have you, no one can take you away from me. Not your stupid House, not the teachers, no one. Youll stay loyal to me wont you? Thats what Hufflepuff is. My loyal little Rabbit.”

What.. what does this mean?does he plan to keep me with him after graduation?! You wiggled around and Draco scooped you up laying down with you on his chest. You looked scared to him. Draco scratched your head and you scooted closer to his face putting a foot on his chin.

“Yes little Rabbit?”

I dont understand you.. Why are you being so soft right now.. All the time your mean and cruel to me but today… i dont understand. Is this all a trick to get me to fall for you? Mess with my head?

Draco pouted his lips at you. “Hmm? Give us a kiss, Pet” he fake whimpered.

I swear when im changed….

You moved your foot getting closer to nuzzle his face. Draco smiled pulling you closer and closing his eyes. “Good little Rabbit.” he dozed off holding you.

I could leave… find help.. Your body felt weird all of a sudden. Whats going on ? im floating?! Draco!! Draco!!! You struggled in the air watching Draco get farther and farther away. You floated back inside the castle and up some stairs to a open door where a man was waving his wand around directing you. He had long blond hair and looked very curious. You knew who he was the instant he put you on his desk.

His hand cupped your chin giving him a good look at you. Your squeezing too tight.. Please.. It hurts..

“Black and yellow eyes,. A Hufflepuff student.” he stroked your back in long hard strokes while he talked. “How did my son come across you? I wonder? I think ill hold onto you, he should realize soon enough..”

Lucious Malfoy… anyone but him… Malfoy was tolerable.. But his father… please come find me Draco…….and soon.

[aenniesryu]

tsukikage middle school exes

tsukishima kei and kageyama tobio. both in their first year of high school and are also teammates since they played in the same vb team for their school

ofc everyone is well aware of the fact that these two kind of hated each other. not that it was an obvious fact to begin with since ever from the beginning the two would constantly bicker and throwing insults at one another

however, that was it. that was the only thing everyone knows about the two. the team even had to separate the two of them when things escalated quickly just to make sure none of them will started to throw fits

no one knows the actual reason as to why they would bicker every so often. the team just thought that the two have so different perceptions towards volleyball that makes them so hard to get along with

the team did tried to help them to get along but it just ended up with them constantly at each others throat arguing about whatever it is

what the team actually didnt know is that tsukishima and kageyama once dated back then in their middle school days.

so basically the entire thing going on between those two were just them being salty because of 1) the break up and also 2) their mindset when it comes to volleyball

tsukishima and kageyama once dated before despite them not attending the same school

but, both were living in the same neighbourhood and their houses were basically next to each other making it easier for them to constantly see each other

however, that was a year ago before kageyama's family decided to move to another neighbourhood

no, the break up was not because of them moving because they would still see each other if they put more efforts in it

the break up on the other hand was because of this one major thing. it was a silly reason but nevertheless it was the thing that made them broke up and that thing is volleyball

yes, volleyball. even tho both were playing for their respective teams back in middle school, their perspective when it comes to volleyball differs too much.

kageyama being the volleyball freak he is would just spent most of his times practicing his serve. even on the weekends. tsukishima, however didnt really took it seriously when it comes to volleyball ever since it was just a club anyway, right?

with kageyama spending more and more time with his practice, tsukishima was left alone. they barely even get to meet each other because of them being in different schools and then kageyama's free time was now full with volleyball alone

tsukishima might felt a lil bit jealous since kageyama, his boyfriend at that time would constantly talked about oikawa. it's always oikawa this and oikawa that. he knows kageyama only meant no harm and hes just looking up onto his senior who plays really well.

tsukishima was fine with that. yeah, he really does because never once did he ever tell kageyama to shut up whenever he talks about oikawa.

what was not fine was that kageyama spent the only free time they had on volleyball. it was the only time that they would be able to hang out and go outside but suddenly it stopped. no more seeing each other, no more dates and no more talking to each other

yes, kageyama did tell him over and over again that he feels sorry and that he just needs to prepare himself to be the best for their team

tsukishima did understand him but as time passed by, tsukishima became selfish. well that's what he thought. hes tired of waiting. he shouldn't be blamed when all he wanted was for his boyfriend attention

then 2 months before the very important match for kageyama, tsukishima went and break things off. and just like that they are no longer boyfriends or friends

kageyama moving to another neighbourhood just make things a lil bit easier since they wont be seeing each other anymore after the break up

"What the fck was that kageyama?" Tsukishima is now in rage with his once called boyfriend. They were in the middle of a practice match where they were divided into two different teams and just to make them work along together and maybe become friends, coach ukai and daichi thought it would be the best to put them into the same group. Oh how wrong they were because now they are fight again.

"I just did what's the best for the team. All you need to do is jump a lil bit higher than usual for that toss. you are already tall enough, make sure of it for once" kageyama was surprisingly calm when he said that but only god knows how scared he felt whenever tsukishima raised his voice at him because he got irritated. it wasnt a pleasant sight to see and get into especially when tsukishima is dmn mad. like the situation they are in now.

"yes my height alone is enough and that is why, you as the setter should take in mind that I would perfectly score if you just tossed me the ball right at where my hand can reach. making me go through all the hard work just to reach that fcking ball you threw is just wasting my energy" tsukishima is really not having it. not only did kageyama sent him a high ball, hes also pissed that kageyama made him wasted his energy in jumping higher than he normally do.

"excuse me? I'm just doing what's the best for the team. I'm taking out that fcking capability that you have in you that you decides to freaking hide and toss it away, just because you think putting an effort even the slightest of it into the match is a waste of your time" now kageyama started to boiled up. he knows that tsukishima has a lot of talent when it comes to volleyball, he knows that really well. perks of being his boyfriend throughout their middle school years. well honestly kageyama thinks tsukishima is just wasting his talent with his kind of mindset.

everyone at the gym are just staring and listening to them arguing. daichi was closed to tear them apart and continue with the practice match, but before he can do that sugawara stop him. daichi was not having it but sugawara had something else in mind. he thinks that maybe them arguing this time would make the rest of the team to get a grip on what making them argue in the first place. and maybe the truth would unfold without them needing to ask tsukishima and kageyama. coach ukai seems to have the same thoughts too since he make no moves in stopping them. so the team just understands and silently look at them and wait for more.

"I dont get your obsession with drawing the team's talent or whatsoever because you ended up getting more demanding. I thought you were a setter. didnt setter usually can already feel his teammates thoughts? im here just doing what I have to do during practice and waiting for it to end like it always did but you? you just have to screw up everything. im already tired but you clearly didnt see that! just what kind of a setter who acted like a dictator and yet hes not even the leader of the team? tell me!" tsukishima yelled his frustration out. he wants this to end just so he can go back to his house and do whatever he finds interesting. and basically volleyball is not one of them.

kageyama didnt said anything after that. he felt bad and all the memories from when his old team abandoned him during a play starter clouding his mind. to make it worse he's on the verge of breaking down. his eyes are filled with tears but he held them back. hearing those things from someone you love didnt really felt the greatest.

"what? now you decided to stayed silent? why? just realizing how my words are true and theres no point in denying it? did you ever just sit back and think about how your shitty your attitude is in court? about how tired your teammates felt trying to satisfy you? this is literally the reason why your old teammate decided to abandoned you in the middle of the match. because you are so demanding and it stresses them out more than the actual game is" just when he finished saying what he needed to say, kageyama slap him. when tsukishima turn to see him, kageyama is already crying.

"YOU! out of all people in this world should know how important volleyball is to me. you should've known that theres literally nothing I can do aside from volleyball. you shouldn't have said that if you know what I went through the entire year. and then at the end? what did I get? I get abandoned. not only by my teammates but I was also abandoned by my own family. just to make things even worse, you fcking break up with me at the times when I needed you the most kei. the one person i thought that would always stay by my side. but you didn't even listen to the shit I have to tell you because you completely shut me off. I went through every single thing alone. All by myself. I practice alone, think of the best strategies for my own team on my own because I was pressured AND threatened by the coach, I came back to an empty house and freaking live alone. theres no one I can even call and relied to!! I cant even call the person I love because hes sick of me. all I ever wanted was people to appreciate my efforts even tho it's only in volleyball. I wanted YOU to be proud of me above anything else because I cant reach your level when it comes to academic. I wanted to be perfect for you and all I ever wanted was for people around me to be proud of me for the one thing I'm capable of but all I get is people abandoning me!!"

silence. theres no sound can be heard in the gym aside from kageyama's heavy breathing. everyone is just stunned with the sudden confession. not only did they just heard kageyama's biggest fear but they also heard the part where he mentioned about their break up. tsukishima and kageyama were a thing before? they were dating? since when?"

"tobio-" tsukishima breaks the silence. hes panicking but he didn't know what do to because everything is just too sudden and all he can think of is how shitty of a boyfriend he was during the time that they were dating. thats what his brain has been saying. after all never once did he ever asked how kageyama was feeling. he was indeed selfish and everything is all his fault. if only he stayed-

kageyama seems to snapped back into reality when he heard tsukishima called him by his given name. he panicked. he just spilled everything in front of the team.

"i-im sorry. I should just go home. I'm really sorry you guys have to witness such a pity side of myself" kageyama chuckled and wipe his tears. "coach, i would like to take a break from the team for the time being. again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see you guys later" and with that kageyama walked out of the gym ignoring his teammates eyes and the calls.

"what the hell just happened" tanaka said as the argument really is tensed and they literally just heard something that is kept secret between tsukishima and kageyama.

"tsuki, you and kageyama-" yamaguchi said softly as to not add any more anger in tsukishima. after all tsukishima kind of had an anger issue.

"ugh fuck, yes we did." tsukishima sigh. theres really nothing he can do. everyone knows and they probably think its his fault anyways. but the team has the opposite thoughts than him

"I honestly dont know what to say" sugawara said to him. he really wanted to help but it's not in his power to do so. all he can do is give them advice.

"ha, no need. I already know it's my fault. you guys can blame me. I would gladly accept it"

"What? No" were the replies he get from his team members. he was clueless coz after all kageyama wouldnt turn into a tyrant if only he stayed and didnt leave.

"we didnt blame you. both of you were young that time it was just normal for you to feel he loved you less. but you two lack in communication which leads to this whole entire mess. idk what you two went through and how long you've been together, it's not my business. but, all I can say is that you two need some closure. and clearly none of you even moved on from the past. arguing with each other every other day isnt the healthiest way to cope with the break up. just please sort this out with him. hes in pain and so are you." enoshita who has been quite the entire time decided to speak up. he do got a point especially with that lack communication between tsukishima and kageyama. sooner or later he needed to settle this whole mess before it started to drag the entire team. kageyama is the regular player in their team, and even with sugawara who can replace him as a setter, kageyama really is needed in the team. hinata also needed kageyama.

"I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from.. but tsukishima please bring kageyama back to the team. I needed him. the team too. and I think you needed him too. so please, I will do whatever it takes to help get him back into the team" hinata cried out. after all they were the freaky duo. they relied more on one another.

"but didnt kageyama only asked to take a break? it's not like he would just quit" nishinoya chipped in. "indeed he said that, but we are not sure on how long would the break be. it can be days, weeks, months and even years." coach ukai reasoned.

"let's just stop here. you guys can go home now. I will cancel tomorrow's practice so please just take a good rest. We'll continue our practice on the day after that. And you tsukishima" coach ukai added and turn to look at tsukishima with a soft look. It was a rare sight to see but they know it's for the best

"yes?"

"idk what you are planning to do. whether you sort things out and talk to kageyama or you didnt do anything about it is up to you. just clear out your minds whenever you came intl practice. we already less in one member, we didnt need to lose another one"

"thank you coach!"

listen, idek what I'm doing but I'm just gonna post this even tho I know it was bad because honestly when I reread this I felt truly nothing lmao but my friend said it was good/okay idk dont really trust her but hey, the very least I can do is post this here so I can move on(?) welp, enjoy ig.

[pompadourpink]

Good evening mom!

I think i have an eating disorder. Like i dont ever want to eat anything, even when im hungry. I have terrible nausea during meals. I hate the way i look and i wanna lose weight asap. But i hate it that i get so dizzy and nausea is terrible. I have just been feeling really shitty about my appearance lately and it has been driving me crazy. My skin is also really bad, and i feel so unattractive. I have like 7 kilos to give and idk how. Do you have any advice?

Hello dear,

I'm getting different things here:

Not be able to eat/being nauseous/getting dizzy so easily doesn't seem to be related to an eating disorder; I would recommend you see a doctor and get tested for inflammation (probably not Crohn's) or a parasite.

Feeling unattractive isn't related to your weight but to your self-esteem. The number on the scale will not change the way you feel about yourself: even when you get there, you'll just change your goal, to another number, surgery, new clothes, or this, or that, because you'll never be satisfied. Get professional help if you can, and try to explore your trauma. This isn't a natural thing to feel. Read The examined life to get an idea of how your brain can manipulate you into hyper-focusing on something trivial in order to ignore the big problem.

Hormones, stress, bad nutrition, tiredness, bad hygiene habits, etc. will mess with your skin. Wash your hands before touching your face, change your pillowcases and towels twice a week, no rubbing, pulling, booze, tobacco, start a skincare routine (hyaluronic acid, any alcohol-free moisturizer, SPF in the morning; makeup remover, cleanser, retinol, acid, and moisturizer before going to bed; chemical exfoliant once a week), less added sugar and dairy, makeup-free days, sleep enough. And chill out. Whatever you are afraid of isn't going to stop the world from turning. Nothing is more important than your happiness.

Seven kilos isn't much. Increase your metabolism by going on walks, and eat more vegetables and protein. Starving yourself will end up in binging, which will make you feel guilty, and that's a vicious circle. When it comes to tackling the eating disorder, I suggest you take notes of what you eat to prove yourself that you're reasonable and there's no need to freak out, you drop everything else when eating (no screens) and make sure you chew every bite instead of overeating and pouring the content of your plate down your throat.

But, again, hating your appearance is a symptom of trauma, and it will most likely not disappear fully until you tackled the problem. If you break your arm and start being in pain, taking painkillers isn't the solution. By the time you actually decide to get a cast, your bone is going to be a lot more damaged than it would have been if you had rushed to the hospital, and is going to take much longer to heal. Take care of your mental health first, the weight isn't your problem.

Love,

Mum

[floating-in-limbo]

You're my sun, my moon, and all my stars.

Tw: self h*rm, depression, angst.

GN!Reader x Hawks angst

A vent fic I wrote because I needed to do something to cope healthily. I might write a short second ending, but idk. I didn't beta read this, but I'll polish it tomorrow and post it to my AO3 as well. Much love.

BNHA writing blog @hawksmodelofficial

The room was dark except for the faint light shining from your phone's screen. It was some what quiet due to the sound of your fan whirring, keeping your room cool. All this was part of your typical nightly routine and wouldn't be concerning except for the fact that you felt suffocated. Again.

You're sitting on your bed, the air blasting you giving you one of the only physical sensations you can feel in this state. Staring ahead into the black room, you sit and listen to all the horrid thoughts running through your head.

You feel numb and would give anything to feel something other than this suffocating emptiness. You tried your usual coping mechanisms: watching videos that usually make you laugh, listening to your comfort bands, distracting yourself with any sort of pastime.

None of it is working though. None of it has been working for a while now. This numbness, emptiness, hollow feeling consuming your body grows every day. Some days you can manage to push past it, jump over the hurdles and clear the finish line. Not today.

The last option you can think of before doing something harmful is to reach out to someone. You've been isolating yourself, but you desperately want their help at the same time.

Looking at the phone resting in your hands, you pull up Keigo's contact. It had been a couple days since the last time you two talked. He's the #2 pro hero, so he's constantly busy, but always tries to make time for you.

Y/n: are you awake

You sent the message and watched it deliver. You only ask because it's currently 3:26am and most people are asleep at this time. He responds a minute later.

Dodo Brain: what's up?

You're staring at his message. On one hand you're relieved Keigo's awake but on the other, you can already feel the guilt eating away at you for bothering him.

Y/n: i need help

Y/n: i hurt

You typed out the messages with shaky hands. Your chest tightens and you feel sick. You hate asking for help. Why should you make other people suffer because you can't help yourself?

Dodo Brain: are you ok, kid? what's wrong are you hurt???

Looking at the clock, it really hits just how tired he must be and how much you're intruding on his personal time. You decide to call off your cry for help before you make it any worse for him.

Y/n: ah yeah nvm dont worry about it sorry to wake you

You toss your phone onto your pillow. Once again, you're sabotaging yourself but you don't care anymore. Getting up from your bed, you head to the bathroom to get bandages, and tissues. While doing this, you fail to notice your text notifications going off.

Dodo Brain: kid what are you talkin about

Dodo Brain: why arent you answering

Dodo Brain: please answer me you're making me worried

Dodo Brain: im heading over now

Once you have your supplies to clean up, you head back into your room and sit back on your bed. You grabbed your hidden blade on the way and now just contemplate your actions.

Craving to feel something, anything, even if its pain and regret, you'll take it. You chose where you want to cut and begin, pulling a long line across your skin. You hiss at the immediate sting. Blood already begins to bead.

You continue to do this, almost in a daze yet you feel tears suddenly well from your eyes and fall. It hurts. Not just what you're doing, but what lead you to this point.

Unbeknownst to you, Keigo immediately flew to your residence. He grabbed the spare key you gave him and unlock the front door. Its eerily quite except for the faint sobs he can hear as he navigates the dark residence.

After you were satisfied with your work, you just sit there letting the blood drip down your skin. You'll have to do laundry but that's the least of your worries. You lean your head back against the wall and cry. Soft whispers of "I'm sorry..." leave your lips.

Keigo finds your room, using your quite cries and soft words to navigate. He flips on the lights and gasps at the scene in front of him. You jolt your head forward, eyes wide and you scramble to hide yourself. Unfortunately that only makes you wince in pain and open the wounds further.

"We need to get you cleaned up. Dont move okay? You already have bandages so let me do the work." Keigo's words dont really reach you but you sit there anyway.

He moves towards you with conviction but the energy around him is scared, nervous even. Sure he's seen your old scars before but never this. He grabs the bandages and antiseptic, applying them to all the wounds.

Every now and then you wince, and he immediately spills apologies. Your head is hanging low, you can't bear to make eye contact with him. Once Keigo finishes cleaning you up, there is an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry..." is all you can croak out before your sobbing into your hands. Embarrassment floods your head. Regret. Resent. Why did he have to come? Why did he have to see this?

"Fuck, kid. Please don't apologize. You didn't answer my texts and I figured something was wrong. I just wish I got here sooner." You can hear the pain in his usually cheery voice.

"I didn't know what to do anymore! I'm sick of feeling like this! Im sick of hurting so much that I have to hurt myself to distract from everything else. It's not fucking fair..."

Keigo stands in front of you assessing the situation. He reaches out to touch you but you shrink away from him. "Please leave, Kei...please...I'm tired."

"So am I, y/n but if you think I'm leaving you alone like this, I'm pretty sure you're the dodo brain out of the two of us." You smile ever so slightly. Its broken and he can tell.

"Let's get some clean sheets on the bed first, ok? Then we're going to sleep and I'm not leaving you alone. Not when you're hurting like this. Can you move?" You shake your head no. Not only do you hurt, exhaustion set in.

"I'm gonna pick you up alright, kid?" You nod and that's all he needs. Gently, he wraps his arms around your frame and pulling you into his chest. Red feathers move throughout your room, pulling the bloodied sheets off and tossing them into your hamper.

"I'm gonna set you down so I can grab the spares. Promise me, you'll be okay until I get back."

"Kei, you're just going down the hall."

"Y/n." His voice is stern but still soft at the same time. "Look at me." You gaze up at him and see the broken expression on his face. You never noticed the pain he probably feels right now.

"Pinky promise you'll be okay for a couple minutes." He holds out his hand, sticking his pinky out for you to reciprocate. You slowly do the same and cross fingers. "I'll be right back."

He leaves your room and you can hear him grabbing stuff from the closet with spare bedding. You sit with your head hanging down, eyes closed, thinking of everything. Keigo comes back with am armful of bedding and you shakily stand so he can change the sheets completely.

"Let's go to bed, okay?. I'm taking tomorrow off and I'm staying with you until we figure this out.

"You dont need to do that. I'll be fine, really. I dont want to burden you..." You can feel the tears well up again and you begin to shake. "Y/n, please. I can't bear to see you like this. You're the sun I see in the sky when I fly and the moon when I rest at night."

You look at him with disbelief. "Let's go to bed and talk more in the morning okay?" You nod and he moves you to bed, pulling you close but still aware of where you're hurt. His wings come around on top of you, almost like he's shielding you.

Your eyes slowly dip close as he rubs circles on your hand with his thumb.