#i dont really want any like outside attention so. i will just tag it with selfie tag i think

[kookblurx]

" I love you " - cloud pov [ oneshot ]

→ SUMMARY: cloud was never good with his words. a guy who appears to be cold towards others but since a few days he seems .. different towards you. its like something is burning on his tounge.

→ GENRE: fluff; awkward; innocent; confession; mutual feelings; golden retriver energy.

→ RATING: 13+

→ NOTE: i know this is something completely different from the things i normally write. normally i only write about jungkook and taehyung but since FF7 came out .. i found my love for Cloud again. So i decided to write a pov about him. maybe more will follow on the future. also please keep in mind that english isnt my mother tounge, thanks. IMPORTANT; The city mentioned never appeared in the games. its my own interpretation! also my gaming povs mostly never matches with the games.

♡.°₊ˎ SONG FOR THIS ONESHOT

your hands were sweaty as you were sitting outside in front of the old house. it wasnt something fancy, just an old block house deep inside the woods which served as some kind of shelter for your little group. The cold evening air blew a few strands of hair into your face. It would be a while before he would come outside to join you. for a short moment you regretted volunteering for this sort of misson, not that it would be difficult. this wasnt the reason why you suddenly became so nervous. You looked up at the darkening sky with your lips pressed together. A few small stars could be seen here and there, so it was a perfect evening to search for a flower which only blooms once a month on a full moon night. The fabric of your light blue dress began to rustle as you moved back and forth on the tree trunk. its been 20 minutes already, what took him that long? you wiped your sweaty hands on your dress once again. If this continues you would have to go back inside to change again. surely tifa would raise an eyebrow, probably asking herself if that was some kind of sheme from you. making sure that "he" will really come with you. he trusted you, so you trusted him, naturally. but still, you were nervous. This would be the first time in months that you've done something alone together. The others accompanied you on every other mission. You loved your friends but sometimes you wished you had more time alone with him. from behind the old wooden door finally opened but you were too nervous to turn around to face him yet.

"are you ready?" his voice was gentle in your ear which why you finally turned around.

the second you did, you cursed yourself for not preparing a bit longer. the man in front of you was none other than Cloud Strife, your best friend, your companion and the men you had a crush on for so many months now. cloud had always been beautiful in your eyes but tonight he looked completely different. his armor was gone, so he only wore his dark turtleneck tank top, matched with a pair of dark pants. your eyes traveled down on his arms as you noticed that he also werent wearing the gloves which he was normally wearing. compared to him you looked like always. even his blonde styled hair looked a bit messy underneath the rising moonlight.

"whats wrong? did you saw a ghost?" raising one of his eyebrows, cloud crossed his arms in front of his chest. "i- uh no! you just look so different ..." "dont be silly and come ..."

without another word he finally started walking ahead. cloud never talked much, not even with you so it wasnt suprising that he didnt paid much attention to your remark. slowly you started to follow him into the woods. the both of you only heard rumours about this special flower. apparently it glows in the dark whenever moonlight hits one of its petals. beside that it didnt had any powers but tifa really wanted to plant one on her garden. at first you thought you could go alone but the second cloud heard that you were going outside at night, alone, he decided to tag along.

fidgeting with your fingers all you could see was his back in front of you. cloud even left his buster sword at home. looking down at his bare hand a slight glimmer of red crawled up your cheeks. there was only one time were you held hands with him and this only happened because of a small accident. it happened on one of the many Shinra ships. cloud was busy fighting off some of the soldiers while you were busy cracking the code to the main gate. It wasn't a difficult task as long as cloud could distract the others, but one soldier didn't seem to fall for it. suddenly someone grabbed your shoulder and pushed you backwards. you landed roughly against the nearest wall. Of course, cloud noticed this and immediately rushed to your side. he grabbed your hand to pull you behind him. the whole time he protected you, he never let go of your hand. so that was the closest you ever got to holding his hand with him. beside that nothing romantic ever happened between the two of you. after a while you came to the conclusion that cloud, probably, doesnt like you like this. in the beginning this perception was hard and you were heartbroken for days. maybe it was too much to ask for, considering how clumsy cloud is and that he doesnt really talk about his feelings.

"everything okay?" you nearly bumped against his chest, not noticing that cloud has stopped in his steps. were you sighing again? did he heard it? you could feel how your cheeks grew hotter with every passing second. in a fast motion you shook your head as cloud took a step into your direction. "are you sure? you were sighing pretty loudly. are you already tired? If yes .. dont worry we are nearly there"

you wanted to answer something but cloud turned around again. expecting to take up his pace you took a step forward but in the next moment something warm slipped into your hand. suprised your eyes darted downward and at the same time your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. cloud held your hand, he really held your hand. slowly your fingers closed around his palm. Whenever you pictured this day in your head, you never imagined that his hand would be so soft. it was like you were holding a fluffy cloud in your palm, carefully not to crush it.

with a slow motion cloud slowly started to walk again. like usual he didnt addressed the thing he just did and you were fine with it. by now you were too busy to calm down your pounding heart inside your chest. slowly cloud pulled you between some green bushes into a clearing. you could imagine that in this meadow many beautiful flowers were blooming, since its been night most of them were sleeping peacefully. As your eyes scanned the meadow, they stopped in a certain place. You immediately let go of cloud hand just so you could run to that spot.

"hey Y/N! whats wrong?" his voice rang in your ear but your eyes didnt left the spot. this was it, this wasnt a dream right?

suddenly you came to a halt and kneeled down on the ground. right in front of you were the glowing flower. it was so beautiful that you didnt even noticed how cloud kneeled down on the ground right beside you.

"its beautiful isnt it ...?" you asked him as your fingertips brushed over the delicate petals "yes ... more than beautiful" "say cloud how should we-"

the moment you turned your head into his direction you noticed that he was looking at you. cloud's face was so close and yet so far at the same time. from this distance you could clearly see his eyes which looked so beautiful to you. some other people were scared of him because of the Mako in them but for you, it was something totally normal. the glow from the flower was illuminating his face and for the first time you were able to see a slightly red shimmer on his cheeks. was he blushing? slowly you lift your hand up just to make sure youre not dreaming. mid air cloud catched your wrist with his own hand just to place it against his cheeks. at the same time your eyes widen feeling his soft warm skin at the back of your hand. what was wrong with him all of a sudden? why was he so affectionate?

"im sorry. i lied to you Y/N" "w-what do you mean ... ?" "tifa didnt wanted that flower. i just ... wanted to show you something beautiful ... and i thought such a flower would be the perfect thing you would enjoy"

you could see the hurt in his eyes, probably thinking you would be mad at him now. shaking your head you turned your hand inside of his palm into an direction so you were able to cup his cheek. how could you have been so blind? yes cloud never talked about his feelings but he always made sure to show them. especially around you he was always considerate, making sure that you felt comfortable on all their journeys.

a small smile appeared on your face "im not mad. thank you for showing me something so .. beautiful cloud."

the moment you pulled away from him to get up again, cloud squeezed your hand more tightly. in the next second your cheek was met with his chest, the soft fabric of his turtleneck shirt carressing your skin.

"cloud ...?" "Y/N I ..."

it was clear to you that he was struggling to find the right words. with a smile on your face you slowly lifted your head up, the red on his cheeks grew heavier with every second he kept looking at you. anxiety crawled up inside of you as his grip loosens around your body, what if he changed his opinion about you? a nervous chuckle escaped your mouth as you wanted to turn your head away but clouds hand on your cheek forced you to look back. there wasnt much time to contemplate what to say because in the next moment his warm lips met yours. at once your whole body felt like jelly as it immediately relaxed inside of his arms. it wasnt a passionate kiss he shared with you, it was a soft and careful kiss. clouds heartbeat hammered against your chest, it was so strong and loud that you could hear and feel it. as you wrapped both of your arms around his body to kiss him back, he slowly broke the kiss. clouds lips were still hovering above yours, just millimeters away. it was a sweet distraction from the words he finally managed to say;

"I love you, YN"

those words were enough, nothing more needed to be said. with a small nod your head moves forward to occupy his lips again. that was everything cloud needed as an an answer. the moon kept shining down on the both of you, wrapping your bodies in blue moonlight. it was like the whole forest approved of your feelings to each other as all the animals went quiet. around the both of you some fireflies took off from the grass into the sky. this moment belonged to you and cloud, no one could take this away from you anymore.

[sad-leon]

Just Let Me Live In Despair

[I don't wanna wait for Ao3 to come back, so I'm just posting this straight to tumblr]

Summary: Leo had promised Raph that he'd stop with the self harm. These promises are not so easily kept. Fortunately, Leo has a family who loves him unconditionally.

Tags/Warnings: Discussion of Self harm, Depictions of self harm, Unreliable narrorator, meltdowns/breakdowns, Hurt/Comfort, Leo-centric

(no beta, so please dont be too harsh on any typos)

Wordcount: 2497

~~~

”Promise me, Leo, please.”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” Leo sighed as he wrapped his forearm before sliding his sleeve up and over the bandages.

Raph sighed.  “Do you even know what you’re promising?”  There was a hint of desperation in his voice.

“I promise to no longer cut my arms when I’m stressed.”

Raph smiled.  “Thanks, little brother.”

Leo hummed as Raph wrapped him in a hug.  He knew this was not a promise he’d be able to keep.

-

Leo growled as he stomped through the crowded venue.

Stupid crowd.  Stupid anxiety.  Stupid ADHD.

It was stupid really.

Leo was supposed to be walking with his brothers toward a Jupiter Jim booth during the most recent convention after New York had rebuilt itself.  They didn’t even have to wear disguises.  It was supposed to be fun and relaxing!

But nope.  Leo just had to get distracted and wander off toward a booth that caught his eye without saying anything to his brothers.

As he neared the booth, he noticed the pins and charms on display were of characters that looked a lot like himself and his brothers.

“Oh, are you a fan of the Turtle Heroes too?”

Leo jumped and stood straight up, staring at the artist behind the booth.  “Oh.. uh, Turtle Heroes?”

“Yeah…?  That’s who you’re cosplaying, right?”

Leo looked between the artist and the charms.  He suddenly felt as if everyone had turned to wait for his answer.  His hands started to itch as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer.  “Umm.. yeah! Yeah.  Sorry, I- uh.. I didn’t know anyone else knew of.. them?”

Luckily the artist accepted his stuttered response.  They shrugged.  “Yeah,  I tend to get ignored whenever I try to talk about them.”

Panic settled in Leo’s gut.  That meant this person had seen them outside before, probably during the invasion.  Who else had seen them, then?

“Hey, you’re shaking.  Are you okay?”

Leo snapped back to attention and tried to ignore the itch that had taken over both his forearms.  “Uh, yeah.  Sorry.  I’ve got- I’ve got to go.  I like your art, by the way.”

He quickly turned and walked away before the artist could respond.

“Hey-” Leo cut himself off when he realized he couldn’t see any of his brothers.  “Oh.. uh… okay.”

He glanced at the ceiling and tried to orient himself.  Now, if he just walked forward, he’d find his brothers, right?

If he just kept walking…

If he just…

“Fuck,” he hissed when he passed a booth he’d already passed.  He glanced at the ceiling.  He was not facing the right way.  “Of course…”

Standing on his tiptoes, Leo spotted a door that led outside.

He obviously wasn’t getting anywhere, so he might as well leave.  The others would notice he wasn’t there, eventually.

Quickly, Leo stomped toward the door.  He scratched his arms.  He knew this feeling, but the promise he’d made Raph echoed in his mind.  He wouldn’t give into the urge to claw his arms open.

Pushing the door open, Leo almost broke into a run as he found a secluded alleyway.  He crouched down and took a breath.  “Okay.  The guy who beat the Kraang getting lost in a convention and running away is not a good image, but who's watching, anyways,” Leo hummed to himself.

He pulled out his phone, intending to call Donnie.  His twin would either give him directions, or come find him and they’d go home.  Silently, Leo was hoping for the second option.  He really didn’t want to go back into the building.  Even the thought of going back made his anxiety sky-rocket.

Leo tapped the power button.  Nothing.

Again.  Nothing.

Fuck.  How did he forget to charge his phone?  Oh, Donnie was so going to kill him.

Before Leo could focus on that thought, irritation bubbled through his veins, resulting in a low growl.

He needed to hurt.  The anger was just beneath his skin and he needed to let it out.

No.  He promised Raph he wouldn’t.

But the itching was getting worse.  It hurt.

It hurt to not hurt.

Leo shook his hands, trying to shake the feeling out.

It wouldn’t leave.

If anything it was getting worse.

“Fuck!” Leo yelled and swung his arm to the side, smacking it on the edge of a dumpster.

A choked hiss escaped Leo as he cradled his throbbing hand to his chest.  God that hurt, but… the itching was gone.

Leo looked at his hand.  No obvious bruising or swelling.  He tried to make a fist and winced.  Okay.  Not fists… or holding things for a while, but he’d be fine.

He’d be able to deal with it.

Taking a breath, he gathered himself and started toward the nearest manhole cover.  Donnie would pull up his tracker and see back home at some point.

Leo hoped they would have fun.

-

Leo was awoken by a consistent poking of his face.

“Hmmm, wha-?”

“Oh good.  You’re awake.  Now.  Would you like to explain to me why we turned around to find you missing only to pull up the map and see you back in the lair?”  Donnie was standing with his arms folded right next to Leo’s bed.

“Good morning to you too, Donnie,” he grumbled.  His hand was throbbing.

“It’s been three hours since we came back to find you asleep.  Raph insisted we let you get some rest before interrogating you, but I have run out of patience.”

Leo felt a twinge of annoyance at his twin.  This was not how he wished to wake up after the shitty time he had earlier.  “Woulda texted.  Phone was dead.”

Donnie huffed.  Before he could say anything else, his comm beeped.  “Saved by the crime alert, dear brother.  Hmm.  It’s not an emergency, but we should probably go check it out.”

Dramatically, Leo sighed and lifted himself off his mattress.  “If we must.  Gimme a few minutes, I’ll meet you guys in the kitchen.”

“I’ll tell Raph and Mikey.”

Leon watched Donnie leave before he looked down at his hands.  The one he had hit barely looked swollen.  Okay.  That’s… good.

He flexed his fingers and bit back a his as his right hand hurt from the movement.  That was less good.  He tried to make a fist.  It hurt, but he could do it.

It would have to do.

Raph wouldn’t have to know.

Besides, Leo should deal with the consequences of his actions.  Maybe then he’ll learn to stop hurting himself.

-

Leo was tired of the Foot Clan.

The two leaders were still missing, but the remaining members had formed their own factions, it seemed.  The Foot did not seem content with letting the turtles rest, so once again, it was up to a group of teenage brothers to put a stop to whatever chaos the Foot was trying to start this time.

“Hey, do you guys wanna take a vacation?” Leo hollered toward the small group of ninja trying to sneak through the alleyway.  “You’ve been committing crimes for what.. a few years now?  Surely you can take a week or two off.  Get some rest.  Relax~”

A knife soaring by Leo’s head made him shut up real fast.  The ninja were silent, but they had stopped trying to sneak away.  Leo’s hand throbbed.  He might have preferred if they just left during his speech.

He really didn’t want to fight.

“Leo,” Raph hissed.  “We talked about this.”

Leo just shrugged.  “Sorry bro, old habits and all that.”  Leo realized his mistake as soon as he said it, so before Raph could put the pieces together, Leo jumped down to engage the Foot ninja.

He tried to use only one sword, but the ninja were stronger than he expected.  Even as his brothers joined the fight, Leo was forced to pull his second sword out.  And man, did his hand hurt.

The fight went on for longer than Leo would have liked.  His hands were shaking and his right hand was going to give out if it didn’t end soon.

Leo had finally gotten the upper hand of the ninja he was fighting when he caught sight of one of the ninja trying to sneak up on his eldest brother.

“Raph!” Leo screamed, but he knew his big brother wouldn’t be able to do much against the sneak attack.

Leo ran, but the only way he’d be able to deflect the attack was if he swung with his right sword.

Biting his lip, Leo swung.  As soon as there was pressure on the sword, his hand gave out and he dropped his weapon.  He brought his second sword up to defend himself, but he wasn’t fast enough.  A sharp pain erupted in his right shoulder.

In a flash of blinding light, the Foot ninja was gone and Mikey was shaking, standing in front of Leo.  “Thanks, Mike,” Leo whispered.  His attempts to hide the pain he was in were futile.  His little brother saw right through his stupid facade.  Maybe the sword sticking out of his shoulder wasn’t helping his attempt to be fine, either.

“Leo!” Raph cried and turned around to hold the slider.  Leo could barely make out his big brother's face as his vision blurred.  The worry made itself clear enough in just Raph’s words, though.  “Why did you do that?!  What even happened?  You had your sword, right? What..?”

Even though he wasn’t seeing clearly, Leo could see Raph connecting the dots.  Donnie beat him to it, of course.  The overachiever.

“’Old habits', huh?”  He reached into Leo’s bag and grabbed what he needed to be able to take care of the wound as they removed the sword.  Leo bit down a scream at the pain.  “And enlighten me, ‘Nardo.  What old habits are we talking about?  Because I don’t think it’s just the bad jokes.”  Donnie didn’t hesitate for a second before grabbing Leo’s right hand.  He applied pressure to the side Leo had hit, making Leo hiss.

Mikey made a noise from the side.  “Leo?  What happened?”

Leo frowned and hummed.

Raph sighed and gently picked the slider up.  “We’ll be talking about this, but for now we need to get you home.  Donnie, would you do the favor?”

“Already done,” Donnie said proudly just as the Turtle Tank pulled around the corner.  “Let’s get home so we can finish taking care of that wound.”

-

The next thing Leo was aware of was the steady breathing of his older brother.  Looking around, Leo noticed he was held in Raph’s arms while Donnie and Mikey slept near the bed.

Leo shifted and hissed at the pain in his shoulder.  Right, he got stabbed.  He remembered Donnie rambling about different galaxies as he stitched Leo’s shoulder in the tank, then it all went fuzzy.

“Guhh.. what time even is it?” Leo hummed.  He’d meant to keep that in his head, but oh well.  A small pit of guilt opened in his gut when Raph grumbled as he woke up.

“Leo..?  Leo!”  Raph quickly arranged himself and Leo so Leo was leaning against a bunch of pillows while Raph sat up, facing the slider.  “How are you feeling, little brother?”

“Like I got stabbed…”  Leo tried to laugh but it came out as more of a wheeze.

Raph frowned.  Leo jumped when he felt a hand softly smack the back of his head.  Donnie and Mikey had both woken up as well.  Donnie just glared at Leo as he brought his hand back down to his lap.

“Leo..” Raph hummed.  His voice was very soft and full of despair.  “You made a promise.”

Leo shrunk into himself.  “Technically, I didn’t cut myself,” he muttered.

“Same difference,” Donnie cut it.  “Self harm is self harm.”

Leo flinched at his twin’s bluntness.  Before he could say anything, Mikey spoke up.  “You were doing so well, Leo, what happened?”

Thinking back on it, Leo felt stupid.  He was alone and got angry so we flung his arm out and hit a dumpster?  How stupid.

“I had a pathetic breakdown behind the convention,” he muttered.  It was supposed to be laughed at.  No one laughed.

“You… you didn’t ditch us,” Donnie said.  Leo wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a question or an observation, but he nodded anyway.

“Well, I kinda did,” Leo muttered.  “I got distracted by a booth, but couldn’t find you guys, so I came home.”

“I’m sorry,” Donnie said.

Leo tilted his head.

“I was rude to you earlier.  I thought you left us on purpose.  It was smart of you to come home rather than risk getting more lost.”

Leo… wasn’t sure what to do with that.  “Thanks..?”

“So, what caused your… breakdown?” Mikey asked, Dr. Feelings shining through.

“I…” Leo considered lying, but decided it wasn’t going to do anything to help his case.  “There were a lot of people.  I was overwhelmed and lost.  I- my head was loud.  Everything was itchy.”

“Itchy?” Raph asked.

Leo nodded.  “That's why I did it so much.  It feels like my blood is itchy.  It needs to get out.”

“But you didn’t cut earlier?”

“No…”

Raph surprised Leo with a smile.  “That’s good.  Not good that you hurt yourself in a different way, but good that you resisted the urge to cut.  I’m proud of you.”

Leo couldn’t stop the tears if he tried.  “But I still hurt myself..”

“You did, but you didn’t cut, even though you felt the urge.”

The words were stuck in Leo’s throat, so he shook his head.

“...No?” Raph asked, confused.  “I don’t know what you’re trying to say, Leo.”

“Shouldn’t- Shouldn’t be proud.”

Raph slowly wrapped Leo in a hug, giving him the chance to pull away.  He didn’t.  “This… this is a hard situation, but that doesn’t mean it has to be awful.  I’m not going to make this harder on you than it already is.”

Leo could see Mikey nod from the side.  “Raph is right!  Recovery is hard and full of ups and downs!  Just because we’re in a ‘down’ doesn’t mean we can’t go back up.”

Leo sniffed.  “Thanks, Mikey.”

Donnie put a hand on Leo’s knee.  “Perhaps, I can… I could make a sleeve that simulates the pain until you find another coping mechanism…”

“Really, Donnie?” Leo asked.

“Nod.  The pain is what helps clear away that itchiness, right?  If I could find a way to simulate it, then you can clear your mind during a breakdown without actually hurting yourself.”

“Wow,” Leo sighed.  “That would be awesome.  Thanks. Donnie.”

Raph tightened his arms around Leo slightly.  “Go to sleep, little brother.”

Leo hummed and let his eyes fall closed as he listened to his brothers talk a bit before they settled down.

“Oh, and Donnie,” Raph hummed sleepily.  “We are so having a conversation when we wake up.”

[cwilb]

⬆️ i don't really have a dni outside of this however with that being said i am a minor so heavily nsfw blogs also dni (if you post suggestive stuff thats fine as long as its tagged) and poppytwt/proshippers/anything like that will be blocked. in general i block any1 who makes me feel uncomfy and i get scared off easily so eerm yea‼️‼️

pronoun.cc

header and pfp

boundaries (please read)

HIYA!! im tumblr user cwilb, fka as featherduo and strawbeeduo! (large selection of names to pick from on my pronoun.cc listed above if u want more options!)

im a dsmp and (occasionally) a bursona blogger, insane about cpumpkinduo and anything related to minecraft. i love contradicting labels and xenogenders 🔥🔥

stuff about my blog:

heavily dsmp focused (mainly cquackity) outside of bursonas and personal posts (i love to yap about anything and everything!!)

romantic cbeeduo, calliumduo, and queer platonic/romantic coded cquackcicle are posted about on here so if any of those make you uncomfortable for any reason here is your warning to block/ignore me /gen

i tag any stuff that needs a trigger/content warning as "cw [thing]" and/or "cw [thing] mention]", my suggestive tag is just 'suggestive' i dont reblog or post nsfw (for obvious reasons) but if a joke is funny im reblogging it even if it happens to be kinda freaky LOL. if im unsure how to tag something itll be tagged as "ask to tag". once again feel free to ask me to tag anything! :]

⬆️ also any discourse-y posts are tagged with "discourse" + if necessary cws for mentions of people if they really suck (ex; cw wilbur mention,)

i try and put alt IDs but a lot of the time im unsure how to word them + i am disabled so i dont always have the spoons to, however you can always ask me to add any!

my previous blog was @preyduo (moved to here since it got too much attention for my comfort LOL) and before that it was sootisite which i deactivated :b

stuff about me:

I <3 MY BEST FRIENDS!!! /p they r literally my family for realsies go follow my brother

i am an aromantic acespec xenogender bi lesboy (i love contradicting labels and collecting xenogenders!!)

i am physically disabled and neurodivergent (many diagnosises that id prefer not to get into but i am an amnesiac and have elhers danlos)

ive been in the mcyt fandom since i was a little guy (og mcyt save me.. save me og mcyt /silly /ref)

i use tone indicators somewhat heavily (they are very helpful for me but you dont need to use them when messaging me as long as ur niceys if i need to ask what tone ur using /gen

dsmp is my spinterest!! (fave characters are cquackity, cniki, cschlatt, ghostbur, cranboo and ctommy)

some of the games i like include minecraft, slime rancher, tunnel town, animal jam, club penguin, roblox, and the sims 4! for shows i mainly just watch the same stuff over and over like gravity falls, mlp, and south park ^_^

tagging system:

all of the main tags i use can be found under my blogs featured tags (my blog -> magnifying glass icon -> boom done), all are self explanatory

[detentiontrack]

What do you have against Hunter from ToH? Who’s probably one of the popular characters in the show and supposedly the “Modern Zuko” of Disney?

You wanted him off the show?

Okay so big reveal time. My intense hatred for Hunter is MOSTLY just a bit I do. I realize that he was a major part of the plot, so I don’t actually want him off the show. However I don’t really like him. I don’t like the fact that as soon as he came into the picture, people started treating him like the main character and ignored Luz, Willow, and Gus in favor of him. I don’t like how his manipulation and general whiny attitude is excused because “he has trauma”. He is very smart, but he uses that to pick up on people’s weaknesses and exploits that (like when he manipulated Amity for the entirety of eclipse lake). I don’t like that he’s the fandom favorite despite just being kind of. Average. He has barely any personality outside of his trauma and being the (ex) golden guard (we got to see more of his personality in s3 but it’s still not a lot.) and I understand that trauma changes your personality and he was going through a lot, but the writers never really bothered to give him an actual well rounded personality. I don’t like that he lashes out to the people who care about him and it’s excused again because he has trauma. I ESPECIALLY dont like (and this is probably my biggest reason for disliking him) huntlow. I think huntlow is/has the potential to be toxic with forcing Willow into a therapist role for him while she has her own trauma and baggage she has to process and heal from. (Case in point: her breakdown in s3 that SOMEHOW turned into all about Hunter/Huntlow. Gus was also there people.) Hunter is nowhere NEAR ready to have a romantic relationship, he has a lot of healing to do (and NO I’m not saying people with trauma can never have a healthy relationship, I’m just saying that if you have UNHEALED trauma that you’re not addressing, it’s a recipe for a bad relationship both for you and your partner(s). It’s the same reason why I enjoy the idea of sashanne/sasharcy/sashannarcy being in a romantic relationship AFTER Sasha gets therapy and heals). Your romantic partner should NEVER be your therapist or trying to fix you. (Most) people who ship huntlow completely ignored Willow for the entirety of s1 and the first half of s2, and only started paying attention to her when she and Hunter met, and even then it’s very rare to see Willow centric content. Most of the time you only see Willow content in the context of huntlow. I understand that most TOH fans are younger and don’t understand the toxic implications of huntlow, because my 19 year old with 6 years of therapy under his belt perception is not universal, but I also see grown adults do it. I don’t have anything against Hunter/Huntlow fans (a lot of my beloved mutuals are Hunter/Huntlow fans and I just filter the tag so I don’t have to see that content), but I don’t like Hunter/Huntlow fans that force it down your throat and act like you kicked their puppy and killed their entire family just because you don’t like it or ship something different (I’m a big willumity fan). At the end of the day, it’s a children’s cartoon so it’s really not that serious, but people take it WAY too seriously and turn it into a moral issue (both sides).

[malevolententity]

ngl i really dont like knowing who the eggmins are outside of the server. theres for me literally Such a difference between people figuring out OG eggmins because for those first few weeks they used their personal accounts so people who Wanted to know the admins would go searching for them and then the eggmins would tell people to leave them alone about the server. and then the newer eggmins going 'studio killed itself please follow my twitch<3333333333333333333333' with like. zero verification that theyre them? it leaves a weird taste in my mouth

like idk i Get It i think, of getting used to a lot of attention from being on server that loosing it would be weird so ofc some of them are gonna go 'hey i was this guy pls follow my twitch' but idk it makes me feel discomfort and i cant tell if its any deeper than not having any way to verify that yeah. yeah they did actually play that guy. but either way i wish i could just Not Learn Who Played Them but thats impossible when most people dont tag those statements as eggmin spoilers or qadmin situation or Whatever.

[bitegore]

was looking at a post while i wait for my stupid files to download on account of how google drive is garbage and was gonna reblog it but i went to put tags on and realized i like fundamentally disagreed with everything it said beyond the initial premise lmao. so instead im posting my almost-tags completely apropos of context and you can all make of it what you want

idk how i feel about this

there's a point where like - okay you're reading a novel but that's not necessarily what the problem is

i can read a novel easily if the novel is engaging but if it's not i have to sit outside so there's something else There. or put on music or whatever. i dont think i will ever improve my attention span for The TV not because i refuse to put the work in or whatever, but because it just fundamentally does not have enough going on for mei get so bored watching more than two or three short videos in a row because it's not tactile enough. i need to engage my senses differently. i really do not think any amount of working on it will help with that.

like i get what this post is getting at but some things do have a hard cap. i'm never ever going to be able to sit down for six hours and meditate in nature or whatever. it's just not something i have in me

there's something to be said for learning to keep yourself entertained offline but when i do this i don't lie to myself and claim it's because i fixed my godawful attention span. it's just that i know what things i enjoy. what i usually consider 'meeting myself where i'm at' is not working against the tide on this but giving myself breaks and finding ways to switch focus back and forth at strategic times so i can just like. exist

idk im not arguing with the post but i'm not not. i just don't know how remotely helpful this could actually be. also even the like - assertion that your attention span Will Always Get Worse unless you're metaphorically trekking uphill- WILL it? i don't know that i've seen an active decline in my own over the years - and when i do i know what that's from, and it''s not media or the internet; it's that i have stuff going on irl and have less patience to spend on what feels like wasted time. my attention span turns into a pinprick when i have deadlines. this isn't because The Media did anything to me it's because i have less toleration for what feels like time slipping away, and i can see how the current internet could set that up but in that case you want to handle like fomo and 'is tiktok more efficient than youtube' not like. treat it as a personal failing and force yourself to sit through things that feel inefficient on purpose to train, yourself to tolerate inefficiency? and it bounces back when i'm over it so it's not even relevant to this anyway since it's a temporary effect

you know what i don't think i'm reblogging this post

[spamtonology]

Hii ive been lately thinking alot about spamton and how he views any romantic relationships, and dont get me wrong, i do myself like few spamton ships alot, but i think that spamton probably never had an actual experience with any romantic feelings in canon, or will in near future

Back in his addison and big shot days, he probably was too busy calculating, selling, and speaking to his phone friend to actually ever consider liking anyone, like yeah probably few Swatchlings made him go like 😮😮😮😮😮 and he was flirting with ladies (or maybe Even queen) on any types of parties, but in reality i dont think he ever truly thought about anyone in romantic way, yes he did think about being in relationship, but never got Close enough with anyone to actually concider it, because he had other goals to do first

And i dont think current spamton is any better, hes wayyyy too mentally unstable to be in a relationship, the only thing he really cares about at the moment is NEO, and hes way too much detached from reality, he would either have very bad sudden episode and run away from his "loved one" or use them to get to neo. Like i get all the "take spamton home take care of him" fics are made mainly for fluff, but spamton isnt really in his right mind after his downfall, and honestly that would certainly lead to very unhealthy relationship, where one is using another for his own needs and other one is treating him like a child/pet not knowing how to handle him

(But well, theres also post canon possibilities, but we have no idea how story can go and can only form headcanons for that, but if you'd like i would be very happy to write my own interpretation later ^__^)

I would love to hear others take on this idea too because When i first thought about it i was like omg thats actually not a bad idea. And wanted to share it but i was kinda shy lol

I don't know what you're trying to ask? If you have a blog of your own you could post this in the tag, don't worry about being shy, I understand. You wanted my opinion on the idea so I will discuss it.

Just a disclaimer, a lot of this is going to be headcanon on what I believe his life was like in the stages prior to canon. You are free to disagree with my headcanon as it's not correct, only my interpretation.

I think as an Addison he was relatively isolated and lonely (despite being with the other Addisons often...you can be in a friend group and still feel left out, I've been there), and often hammed up his own personality and ego to try to get attention and to stand out. He did develop a sort of insecurity complex as a result. He might have shown some interest/attraction to potential customers, but it never went anywhere beyond that, and his fellow Addisons would always catch their attention before he could anyway.

As a Big Shot, he's incredibly busy and overworked and stressed despite his otherwise luxurious new life, but masked it with unhealthy coping mechanisms, which didn't work well for him at all. He could seem outwardly charismatic and talkative to outsiders, but on the inside he would be struggling severely with himself, just a constant downward spiral until he finally snapped. In terms of relationships, he probably sought after people he thought he could trust his secrets with, namely Swatch if the Q&A is anything to go by. Queen's close proximity and party-going nature probably helped a lot with Spamton's forming of relationships even if it was probably confined to the mansion...Spamton to me feels like the type of guy who wanted to impress Queen as much as possible and show how truly good he is at his job, only later developing feelings for her and doubling down on that. Swatch is a special case, but I think his relationship with Swatchlings was more of mild intimidation that he tried to play off as disinterest/seeing the Swatchlings as, well, underlings.

I do not think it's fair to say he is too "mentally unstable" to be in a relationship...That almost feels insulting to him. I think I remember having a similar opinion before rescinding it because I realized it could be ableist. I think he is not completely detached from reality as this was the case with Jevil, rather I believe he is all too aware of the reality he is in and denies it vehemently so it may come off as being detached from reality in that context.

You are right that Spamton’s current character could lead to a tumultous and unhealthy relationship, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I really do not like the implication you made that it would be like trying to take care of a child or pet, but maybe I am misinterpreting your words. Many fanfictions do portray that sort of relationship which I detest and try to avoid at all costs. “Taking care of” Spamton is like taking care of an adult man with a history of severe mental illness. There are no fluffy cats or chubby babies here. That doesn’t mean fluff isn’t allowed, however. I absolutely love fluff with Spamton, and seriously mentally ill people do deserve respect and love like any other person. It’s just very important for me to make the distinction between this and taking care of a child or pet as it comes off as infantilizing and dehumanizing mental illness.

(Addendum that he is also a fictional character in a fantasy series and you can technically do whatever you want, but to many fans he hits close to home as well, and many mentally ill fans who relate to him probably wouldn’t want to be treated like a child or a pet either. When you are saying he is too mentally unstable to be loved, or that he must be taken care of like a child or pet, it might come off to other people that this is how you feel about mentally ill people, regardless of your intent.)

I apologize if I sound sour tonight, and may have misunderstood anything you said, please do clarify. I would like to hear your post-canon interpretations anyhow, even if I might disagree with them (and we can agree to a civil discussion, yes?)

[deathclassic]

i was tagged by @you-are-so-much-better-than-that​​ and @mikhailoisbaby​​ to do this fic writer/artist tag! ive never seen an artist version of this so this is exciting :D

1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?

i dont post art on ao3 but i post fics there,,,,not gonna say my username though

2. What is your total art count?

we gotta be like 500+ by now

3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?

they’re all dan and phil surprise surprise i was surprised that the first one has 12k notes for some reason. im just going to link them

spooky week sketches  amazingphil shop spon PHIL QUIFF DEBUT!!! black ‘n’ white dan phil is not on fire collection

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to but sometimes i forget and i also dont have notifcations on any social media turned on so i miss a lot of things

5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?

currently drawing for umbrella academy, shameless and stranger things. first fandom i properly drew for was one direction but i was drawing stuff for like panic at the disco and powerpuff girls and my little pony and my chemical romance when i was like 7

6. Have you ever received hate on any art?

tonnes lol, i’d say every 2-3 pieces i draw gets some kind of negative attention. recently there’s been an asshole in my asks accusing me of fetishising ian and mickey so thats something to look forward to every time i pose 

7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?

i want to go back to shows i watched as a kid like total drama island and draw the characters in my art style, i did it with the winx club earlier this year and it was fun. i want to draw harringrove but im not mentally prepared to be like,,,sent death threats atm

8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

i dont know tbh ian and mickey are up there i guess

9. Do you draw outside of fandom?

yeah im a graphic designer so i draw a lot of shit 

10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?

this one actually

11. Do you draw smut?

sometimes

12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?

yeah of course, someone sells my shit on redbubble and i have to keep reporting them

13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?

yes! @mishervellous​ and i did that amazing comic together for gallacrafts and im so proud of that! also collaborated with a lot of dan and phil artists to make a calendar, a phil is not on fire poster and some general collabs for fun (if anyone wants to collab hmu bc im down)

14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?

i really want to draw drummer mickey for some reason

15. What are your drawing strengths?

people i guess, maybe like details on clothes and stuff?

16. What are your drawing weaknesses?

hands and feet lol

17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?

im so proud of this drawing even though no one really liked it, like looking at it makes me so happy

18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?

like harvey said haha i also use the same colour palette especially skin tones and hair colours also i sketch a lot of the drawings traditionally and then trace over it on photoshop

19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?

myself. i would still be drawing even if no one notices it. heck i draw so much stranger things stuff only for a top of 10 people across instagram, twitter and tumblr to interact with it. 

20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight

i sit at my desk and use a wacom tablet and my laptop. I have my other laptop open and im normally listening to a tv show that ive seen so i dont have to pay attention or a play through of a game or some creepy stories. sometimes i listen to music on my record player. i always spend ages looking at pose references and rage quitting when i dont draw it right the first time before coming back to it a few hours later. i draw mostly in the evenings, after dinner. sometimes i drink a hot chocolate if its late enough lol. 

im gonna tag @mishervellous​ @doodlevich​ @heymrspatel​ @adakechi​ 

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami anon x4 but you bring up a lot of really interesting points abt like subcultures / attitudes and also more personal life stuff I never thought about b4! In my head the kinda headcanon justification I made for myself was like the idea Minami used to be formerly realllyyyyy low on the yakuza ladder and as thus kinda just acted like a robot / as dully competent as possible (he wouldn’t drink because What If that affects his ability to Do Anything etc) and so on and Internally Really Wanting To Live A Much different life / be more important then just Another Guy In this Organisation. Which is why he clings so hardcore onto emulating Majima who IS someone eye catching and attention grabbing and to him Important. I think my main basis for this is all of the times Minami in like fight scenes acts really dramatically and even when he loses tries to insist on Keeping On Fighting UNTIL Majima walks in and Minami completely shuts down and just lets him Do As He Does. Sorry if this is a rly big deviation I didnt have a lot to respond to your previous answer outside of I think it’s all really interesting especially the stuff in tags regarding his tattoos (who is she fr!) and if this were a situation where we were having a more private one on one conversation i'd nod very enthusiastically

HAHAHA i know this feeling. thank u for indulging me either way anon and idm the deviation it's like waving a new set of keys in front of my adhd ass. passionate conversations with me derail all over the place i'm very used to it ^_^

and i really like your point about him not wanting to blend in, wanting to Stick Out as a Somebody. it would not phase that kind of Minami if drinking + whatever else was the norm amongst his peers. perhaps it was influence from Majima that convinced him to drink after all........ its certainly what i like to think....... makes their stupid toxic dynamic hurt a little more

and i am so glad u also noticed the way he refuses defeat every chance he gets it literally plagues my thoughts the most.... i think about it sooooo much so so soo much. it's definitely an ego thing + just another nod to Minami's utter reverence of Majima. he goes from being pretty emotional and throwing a tantrum when you Throw Off His Groove™ but forgoes doing what he wants the second the bossman gives the order. Boss' word takes all priority, regardless if you're stupid, or emotional, or whatever else.

I love picking this apart trying to discern their dynamic but it also reflects on how Majima is with his men in general..... I've yet to see any of his boys defy him. And for good fucking reason (insert montage of him smacking around his own men)........ Minami also kindof reflects this in how he strings along a bunch of his fellow Family men to watch him fuck around on the karaoke machine, who CLEARLY don't want to be there but tolerate him regardless! I'd like to think he doesn't randomly assault them though. Not over small shit anyways, he seems pretty lenient and understanding (see: "shit happens"). He's probably just very obnoxious when ribbed, as he is in many other aspects. Or hell, maybe he shuts down and gets so bummed out that its obnoxious in a really cringefail pitiful way

Ideally Majima's garnered respect not strictly through violence.... We have all seen how personable he can be and how he got himself roped into helping random folks all over in y0. Ideally Minami even less so, if he is as lenient as he seems. Which leads me to asking what's up with his title, "junior leader"? What the fuck even is that? Surely it doesn't bring all that tolerating respect with it yknow. I dont think anyone else in the series is a JL. We're not particularly clued in to how Yakuza life actually works in the game about Yakuza, but you can bet I can pull ideas out of thin air to tie stuff together if given scraps

Least likely in my opinion: JL is literally a next-of-kin for a leader position in the Family, possibly for patriarch itself, which implies a much closer relationship between Minami & Majima than we're ever clued into. i'm also not so sure it suits him (though i can pull arguments for it out of thin air as well if you want) since he really seems like the kinda guy happy doing his regular grunt work. brother is not patriarch material imo...... not for what i personally believe a patriarch's duties are, anyways.

Funnier option: he got the role to be appeased. you mentioned that you think he wants to Be Somebody and i completely headcanon-same..... this scrappy little shitkicker kid waltzed in one day, hounded someone until they let him join, and has been gunning for respect ever since. not necessarily power, i'd like to think he wants to be well-liked, but also, it's totally an approval-from-the-father thing. he wants to do good enough for Majima to Notice. since Minami wouldn't know subtlety if it socked him in the face, it's not difficult in the slightest to see this and he gets thrown a Special Role because he's just the most Specialest Boy Ever.... in this case Junior Leader probably just reflects stuff he was already good at while working. Couldve been a socialite amongst the new kids on the block, could even be a trainer. Higashiyama and Nojiri (Dead Souls Majimagumi) seem to imply that recruiters and their recruitees generally work one-on-one and get to know one another pretty well, but that could easily just be a Them thing. I'm sure there's plenty of newbies who get recruited by already-busy blokes.... fuck it, have Minami show them the ropes, get em ready ASAP and keep it going......... yknow that type of thing

[adakechi]

thank you @deathclassic for the tag <3

i cant put a read more on tumblr ipad what the fuck

1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?

i dont post art there, but i do post fic.

2. What is your total art count?

I have been drawing digitally since I was 8 (traditionally even longer), it's well into the thousands. Maybe even tens of thousands.

3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?

I have no idea, I just know my most liked piece is a tie between a P5 valentines day comic and a really old Buzzfeed Unsolved shitpost.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, but I'm not great at it. ADHD brain.

5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?

I'm all over the fucking place rn, mostly Star Wars, Scott the Woz, Umbrella Academy, Adventure Time. My first was Sonic the Hedgehog. :)

6. Have you ever received hate on any art?

Bestie I had THREE separate hate accounts dedicated to me on instagram back in the day.

7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?

Stonathan from Stranger Things, do more Adventure Time stuff, uhhhhhh,,, honestly idk.

8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Shuake/Akeshu.

9. Do you draw outside of fandom?

Not as much as I'd like, but I'm working on an original horror graphic novel so.

10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?

Hmmmmm. This one changed like eight times.

11. Do you draw smut?

Not as often now, but sometimes.

12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?

A lot more in the past, not so much nowadays. I don't mind tracing or reposting anyway, so I don't really keep track.

13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?

A long long time ago!

14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?

I have about 636372 STW ideas rattling in my skull right now.

15. What are your drawing strengths?

Honestly? I don't think I have many. I dislike my art a lot and think I struggle far too much. I guess I'm okay with hands, if I HAD to pick.

16. What are your drawing weaknesses?

Faces, perspective, light source, legs, proportions, fluidity, environments, consistency, line weight.

17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?

This is the only thing I think I've drawn in the past 2 years that I didn't just like but loved.

18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?

I don't know what I'm doing, ever. I went to college for this and really I'm still just winging it.

19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?

As fucked up as you may see this, honestly, a big reason is I like the attention. I like interacting with people who find something in my work, it's nice and I like the validation, sue me.

20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight:

I like to draw on the couch, or in bed. I used to draw in the most uncomfortable position ever, which was on my fucking stomach with a pillow under my jaw. Pre-iPad, I drew at my desk with my Wacom Bamboo tablet. And it depends! Sometimes I'll listen to music, other times I'll put on a YouTube essay or something. Beforehand, I work out a few thumbnails, then open Safari or Pinterest for references. :P

If you're an artist, feel free to do this if you'd like!

[grimescum]

baa

at first i never understood why people were like "reblog if u save/use" "reblog if u like" at first but now i get it a little too much

inknow ive been complaining abt this a lot. as of really recent (like. yesterday recent) ive been trying to change how i think about my content, saying that i should be doing it for myself instead of for others, but even so.. damn does it kind of hurt to get such little interaction

i get it for doodles and stuff, i dont mind when it comes to them, but for stuff i actually put effort into... it kinda comes off as my stuff being so shit and uninteresting that people don't even bother to like, let alone reblog it so that other people can see

i know that's not true. i have friends who tell me otherwise. ive gotten really nice tags. ive spoken to people who were genuinely interested in my ocs, character designs, anything else i do on the side. even if i was hypothetically the worst artist in the world i know that i should prioritize how i feel over how other people feel

it's definitely my bpd and my constant need for validation causing me to feel this way. i also think the general landscape of tumblr (people choosing not to reblog creative works), being raised on the internet and not having much interaction outside of it plays a big part

i don't like to sound like im begging for attention on my posts when i ask people to reblog. it makes me feel like shit, actually. especially considering that it largely doesn't work; people just straight up ignore it. again, i know it's just my imagination but its hard to think that its not being done purposely out of malicious intent

i dunno. usually when i start feeling this way i step away from tumblr for some time to let my anxiety cool down. i should soon considering that I've been actively getting mad at others internally for not interacting the way i want them to. its just really frustrating and disheartening to me atm

on a lighter note, i think ive already been doing really well at drawing for fun rather than to impress people!! i was very very happy with how the last drawing i made turned out, and i also think ive done really well when it comes to not stressing about my art style as much. im pretty confident that i'll be able to draw without worrying so much about the reception that it gets soon.

in the mean time i think i might visit amino again to see if the editing community is any livelier on there. seeing how it is here on tumblr i kinda doubt but at least i dont have to worry about reblogs there. iirc people also comment more on there as well

[vaudeville-venom]

3/4AM — O3-12-2O24 : RANT / RAMBLE ﹐🪶 ˖ overview: im tired of tiktok, want to move to other social media platforms. want to start blogging / journaling on tumblr and love the idea of others doing the same and find it interesting. want to redo my intro post really bad (i bring it up alot.) i want to have the 'average highschool experience', feel alone then ramble about my life a bit. talk about how i am rambling and how i dont expect anyone to read it. im tired of having a fucked up sleep schedule and being unstable. then an ending note talking about journaling on tumblr again, moodboards, the fucking intro post again, and want to work on a tagging system. (im really fucking tired oh my god)

[ me-core / aesthetic of my brain atm ] : images frm Pinterest

im really debating on just leaving tiktok for now, the algorithm fucking sucks especially right now. its boring as fuck and im not even seeing stuff of my interests or my mutuals ☠️ its all the same 3 god damn audios of content i wouldnt ever like want or expect to see??? ive mentally wanted to stop using shit like tiktok and move to using tumblr more and other sites like spacehey and stuff. i really need to redo spachey too. because while tumblr still has an algorithm ofc its alot less addicting and doesnt absolutely wreck your attention span like tiktok has for me. i feel like not using tiktok other than for occasional posts and sending things to / receiving things from friends would make me a bit more productive as well as being better for me mentally. while it wont magically cure me from any mental illness itll make me feel better and probably help my stress a bit.

i really love the idea of using a tumblr blog to post whatever i want and like use as a digital diary of some kind,, its super fun imo. i had an old acc but it felt like more of a chore to keep up with so now it’s abandoned. speaking of that blog i may make a post being like “hey, im [here] now!!” because i had some neat mutuals there. i think its really neat to see people post about their day and share things they like and reblog everything that catches their eye yk! that may just be a me thing.

i want to redo my intro post a bit, because idk im a bit unhappy with it. (dont be surprised if i edit it mid-writing this or before i post this..) i really love to write but i havent had much motivation at all. i typically love researching my interests and taking notes on them but recently i havent been able to no matter how much i want to, maybe this diary / blogging kind of thing will help me get back on my feet with that :)

i really dont have a ‘yearning’ for anything at the moment, besides having the experience of like everyone else my age. idk how (hahaha) corny that may sound but like for background, im online schooled due to mental and physical disabilities, i dont have many friends online or in person, i rarely see anyone, and i live with my dad and see my mom sometimes and dont really have family outside of that. the family i do have i dont get along with very well or theyre distant (physically or emotionally.) the family i really consider is my dad, because hes always there for me, and my friend micah, but he lives like 9 hours away from me like a LOSER (ily bffie.) im a big believer on chosen family and he is that chosen family. ok i got sidetracked, what im saying is i have no social life really, dont have a place to get a social life (school), and cant really connect with people no matter how i try to. i want to live life like how i see in teen life films or tiktoks of people vlogging with their friends, hell id kill to even have an irl bestfriend to be around. i do have irl friends, and i do have close friends, but i dont see them often or have the personal connection of a mutual best-friend feeling. my dads probably my best friend but i need someone my age lmfao.

this post will be so long that no one will read it i garuntee but also i dont mind?? im not gonna spill my guts like someone wont read this but im not gonna act like i have a large audience. this will just be a nice thing to look back on and keep up unless i anxiously delete it whenever i look back on it (maybe in the morning)

im really tired of waking up at 3-4pm right now, but i cant sleep earlier than 5am no matter what i do. and if i manage to fall asleep at 2am or something i wake up an hour later or wake up at 4-5am panicking for some reason. i havent been to therapy in forever, my therapist is like not doing her job as well as id like and i have no doctor other than my pediatrician who doesn’t understand what im talking about ever!!

i just made this post and thats kinda what led to all of this ranting and wanting to write and shit. im sorta just tired of alot of social media and would love to find myself in other ways and use other forms of social media to share those things even though tumblr is a bit more dead than some things :) im gonna end this one here but if i write another tonight or early tomorrow (like the afternoon same day but it’s tomorrow to me) dont be surprised i love rambling to myself. now i think im going to make this post look cute, post it, redo my pinned intro, work on featured tags/a tagging system, then go from there ^^’

[unovanraichu]

@/songbee and @/annah-kitathryne tagged me :D ty (ik my art blog was tagged but i wanted to do it in one place ;;) 1. are you named after anyone? I'm named after my grandma and her name comes from a saint but is also in a greek myth :) My nickname Len is from a friend mispronouncing my first name and shortening it to Len but I like Len a lot

2. When was the last time you cried? Like last week I think? maybe more recent

3. Do you have kids? Nope

4. what sports do you play/ have you played: I played soccer (badly) and I also did track very very briefly. Other than that I did dance :D

5. do you use sarcasm: Yes but Im usually pretty bad with it

6. what’s the first thing you notice about someone? Usually I pay attention to people's faces not for like. a judgmental reason just bc usually ppl look familiar to me If im talking to the person usually their mouths bc if i dont pay attention to their mouths i cannot listen idk why

7. eye color: brown/hazel

8. scary movies or happy endings: I love scary movies WITH happy endings its fun

9. any talents: I think drawing but skjadfhk I feel like. Talents are things you are naturally good at and i would consider drawing more a skill so i'm not sure I think maybe my talent is. retaining information but only silly fun facts never serious things.

10. where were you born: In the US :)

11. hobbies: Reading comics and drawing mainly :) i like going to the gym as well

12. any pets: yes I have a cat named billie :) hes orange and we call him bibbie

13. height: 5’3 (in an ideal world id be like. minimum 5'8)

14. favorite school subject: I liked History and ELA when I was in school, but I really like science outside of school settings

15. dream job: My dream job is my current job which is teaching ELA :) I do want to go back for my masters and get a degree specifically for ENL students though, which is teaching students who have english as a new language. I'm not gonna tag anyone bc tagging ppl scares me jsdhfkjsdh if you would like to be tagged. I tag u telepathically.

[ghstlie]

#GHSTLIE . ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ❛ its time to let yourself fall free again . ❜

🫧ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ . carrd . ask . home .

a private & highly selective MULTIMUSE of MIXED MEDIA consisting of mostly ORIGINAL CHARACTERS ; written by GHOST ( 25+ , they / them ) . activity will always be selectively low . this blog is UNAFFILIATED to any fandom community & all muses are crossover FRIENDLY to any media outside of their original worlds .

🔹quick tidbits :

interactions without icons will happen often  ;  i always softblock / block when unfollowing  ;  ask for more info on characters if you need to  ;  may contain triggering / heavy content  ;  anon hate will be deleted

IMPORTANT UPDATES BELOW .

🔹notifications & tags  

tumblr very rarely notifies me of any @ ’ s . you can @ me if you would like , it pops up on the activity page , i just do not get notified directly / immediately , so i will not see your note right away . i like my dash to be relatively slow , so i read i will that like the morning paper , but i also am not frequent enough on here to always know .

this also goes for anybody who tags me in things . the tumblr tagging system does not pick up most ( if not all ) posts with my url . i cannot use the tag tracking system . at all . i never have been able . i do not know why either i am sorry ! its most likely cause i might not know how to use it fully , im not sure .

if you want to notify me of something or bring to my attention something / a reply, please dm me directly ! it is also better if you dm me in discord . if you do not have my discord , then you can use the tumblr dms ( but they are not always great either ) . if push comes to shove , you can then use my inbox as well , i will not mind if you get my attention like that either !

know that the only thing i do see / notice are likes & reblogs of posts that are on my blog . so that is fine . i don’t need notifications for threads as much .

i promise you it is okay i love getting messages . i just tend to hyperfocus A LOT at times while other times i cannot focus at all & i get really distracted with my squirrel brain . it is okay to gently remind me of something or try to get my attention ! i know many people don’t like that , which is why i don’t do it to others , but i 100 % promise you that it is okay .

🔹 i do modify my formatting for people on request !

if my formatting for your replies / threads bothers you in any way , shape , or form , please tell me . i promise that i can accommodate you . i format AFTER i write the entire reply anyway . so it will not be a bother for me if you dont want to have that . i have friends who have asked in the past . 

i use small font and edit html for the colour . if any of this bothers you ( be it cause you genuinely cannot read it or you dont like it ) , please let me know & i will modify it for you .

🔹anons regarding my history with a specific individual .

i've opted to add this onto my pinned post since some folk seem to want to let me be aware of things i have no longer cared to know for a long time . please read THIS in its entirety if you have not already . it fully explains my history with a specific individual . i DO NOT CARE if you interact with them , i do not care to know your relationship with her , it's not my business . I am also not here to tell you who you should or should not interact with .

she was extremely toxic to me - i am talking emotionally and mentally abusive towards me - especially towards the end of our relationship . she was triggering me, & i was tired of her behaviour . i understand she missed talking to me & was trying to reach out to me but i do not condone the poor attitude that came from her as that is not how you get my attention , it only pushes me away .

i PERSONALLY do not want to interact with her any further , but i do not care if you do . leave me out of it . i wish her the best health , but leave me out of it .

🔹i tend to hyperfocus & vanish , it is NOT me being mean .

i want folks to remember that people do not owe others' immediate responses or attention . Seeking validation from others CAN be a toxic trait ~ ( not always but often times ) Some people take time to respond, others just hyperfocus and get distracted . To assume somebody is being mean because they arent giving you attention is very wrong . i am neurodivergent, which means that if i am not talking to you , it is NOT because i have an issue with you .

Nobody should expect others to give their attention to them . I understand that as friends or any kind of partnership ( be it platonic or romantic ) there should be some decency to talk to one another at any time , but to outright EXPECT another to respond in the way that you want is VERY wrong .

Just because i have my attention elsewhere does NOT make me rude or mean for not getting back to another .

DO NOT get mad if you're not the centre of attention for me . I promise that most of the time its not you , i just FUNCTION differently . that is the REASON why i go by ghost , i really just straight up VANISH from time to time . i promise its not me ignoring you on purpose by any means & im not trying to be mean at all .

Please dont set unreasonable expectations , youll only disappoint yourself . But most importantly , do NOT seek validation from me . Its not cool , and i honestly will not give you what you want . it will most likely end up with me saying something you DONT want , and i can promise you that it will probably not end nicely .

* you are always more than welcome to send asks if you have any questions *

[fussypaws]

Hiii!! I know I don’t usually post anything here besides art, but I would like to maybe try being more sociable here!! So uhh, here’s some pics of me from last night!! I did my makeup, and I wanted to show off a bit...

I’m not very good at pictures but I hope these look okay!! <3

[ablednt]

Hhhhhh i wanna make a speedpaint asmr channel where I ramble about various things (some in relation to mental health/justice/topics from this blog and some just of various things I find interesting) but I'm terrified of people recognizing my art and using it against me somehow