#i dunno the context on why he's crying but he needs to be comforted lots ASAP

[arklayraven]

Twst spoilers

Rook baby, I'm kissing your tears away and hugging you lots. 😭🥺💔

[peterknopp]

Anxiety – My Story

Breath and catch a moment, one thing can lead to something more. Take another pill, this will heal your mind. Meds, I dunno what to think, will this thing help? Sugar coating seems to work for a while, but yet it is too sweet. Like a maze that leads to a dead end but has no start. “Shit, I digress” I say as I pour another drink. To those who are care free without a worry, I just don’t understand. How can you stop those edging thoughts, those odd small things that crop up out of what seems to be nothing …

My brain tries to beat me and trick me in this never ending game of theirs. Suddenly, I recoil, like a snail going back into it’s shell, “Oh, it’s only you” I say to Teddy, my beloved cat. A lovely tabby that I rescued two years ago from the shelter, he needed me, and at the time, I needed him. I cry into my pillow, as I grind the tablet into powder, I begin to feel the chill, the utmost mist that cools to the core. My nurse wants me to raise to 100mg of Sertraline, but I just can’t. I am OK with this one small tablet, I am not ill. Clean, must be clean. These compulsions rule my life, as if to say “You will never get better”. My henry hoover is good. It picks up dirt like nothing else; alas poor Harvey, be still. There is no threat but you bark anyway. Why? What do I need to do to please you? I’m raising you but you will never be a replacement of Bonnie. I have compulsions of checking windows so Ted won’t escape. He has done a runner before and has been lost. I couldn’t cope during that time. Why would my dear boy run from me??

Grind me down I swear to my voices under my breath. You will never rule me. They say to panic and my heart races; it feels as if I can’t catch but a moment from their silly rules. Merc, wake up! I open my eyes to see my mum standing in my room as per usual, every time I try to sleep. “You were shouting in your sleep” she said. I feel my face and wipe away a tear. It was a dream, amongst others I’ve had before. I must go out soon to walk Harley. Me and mum like to take to the beach as way back then so did Bonnie. Harvey is fascinated by the sea. He loves to run around on the beach and get stuck in the sand. Good times.. Beat me, grind me and take me to hell, I will survive. Anxiety almost ruined me; infecting my mind with vicious circles that spiral out of control. I sleep to avoid my mind. At least when I’m asleep; I feel no pain, no anxiety and finally have peace. I worry about the smallest of things nowadays, like what will Ted eat although I know full well he has food and water. What will happen to him? I question, without no context to the thought. Why can I not seem to think of a way out from these stupid little thoughts. I push them back but end up overwhelmed by the sheer nature of intrusive, and utmost negative pattens.

Trauma, I went through a lot of death growing up. I had no way of coping back then. I was brought up in a household where showing emotion was a bad idea. She nodded, as she mad notes. Counselling hasn’t always been useful but then, at times, all one needs is to open up enough to express concerns and thoughts, in a way that has a positive outcome. I never adjusted to feeling happy. Feeling as if I had no care in the world, but things are as best as they can be overall.As I was about to leave the counselling session, I heard two people talking in the corridor. Walls have ears you know, don’t they? I thought to myself as I left the room. Mum was waiting outside in the car for me. A familiar face, a loving lady, my brother and I were lucky to have been adopted by her. As I shut the car door she asked “how was it?”, Yeah it was fine I said. As we were driving away from the building, I said, anxiety ruined me, but I survive, mum agreed in a mumbled and oddly comforting way. She had to deal with the death of my dad back then and survived. During that time, I gave her a listening ear and looked out for her and my brother. Lean on the right person, hold their hands and forgive. Forgiveness is a good thing and a way to move forward in life. Why? Because you only live once, tread lightly, as your foot prints follow you in this world.

[kessielrg]

[MMX] One day, you will let me die.

Summary: During a ceremony honoring the upcoming newest and brightest, Aero (OC) protects a Reploid from being the target of a noxious shock bomb. Taking the brunt of the damage, Aero is sent to the hospital in a deep coma. X starts to worry about her, taking a walk around the hospital to clear his mind, before he comes across the very person who tossed that bomb on stage to begin with. Will X show mercy, or is having someone harm one of his friends the final straw?

Note: According to my notes, the idea for this was based on a dream I had sometime in either early 2022, or very late 2021. This fic was in WIP hell for a year (almost to the day). The only reason why I started working on it again (and miraculously finished in two days after) was because I gave a preview for it and a LOT of people started to share and like it. I think it’s really because the idea of X being the only Reploid to cry is canon to the Rockman X manga, but I don’t think a lot of people realized that the bit after was my own writing. So here is the full story now in its proper context. Hooray for the first finished story of the year being about X and Aero! \(^o^)/

Rating: K

Word count: 4,386

A03 mirror (it’s been split into two for easier reading)

- - -

X would never be used to the way Aero dressed up. He was so used to her wearing whatever felt comfortable -whatever was more practical- than going all out with detailed dresses and four inch heels. As she looked herself over in the bathroom mirror, he couldn’t believe she had the audacity to ask, “Do you think it’s too much?”

But of course, he didn’t know how to answer her either. Fashion wasn’t exactly a world he kept up with. She still looked like herself. For him, that was the most important feature. But he didn’t know how to say that and not make it awkward, so instead he told her, “You might be underdressed. I think last year there was some lady with a mink jacket and a wide brimmed hat.”

That got her to laugh.

“I guess that’s one thing to be proud of.” she mused. “I don’t have wealthy parents that helped me get to where I am. Less embarrassment when I prove their investment was worth it, huh?” She then gave a thoughtful sigh as she brushed off some lint from her shoulder. “But I guess I did have Cain.”

“I think he’d be worse than an overbearing parent.” X thoughtfully decided. “He has security clearance to be in the same laboratories you do.”

“Unfortunately true.” Aero smirked. She then looked over at X and a more subdued smile crossed her face. “At least you’re here. I know you’re not going to embarrass me by shouting ‘that’s my girl!’ from across the room.”

X could feel his face flush with embarrassment. “I dunno…” he carefully admitted, “I still might. You’ve worked hard to get here. B-but I’ll call you by your name. Not… not ‘my girl.’ That would be rude.”

Aero laughed again and X’s face got even redder. As her laugh subsided, Aero’s face also gently flushed a light pink color.

“We should probably head on out,” she suggested. “Can’t hide in the bathroom all night.”

“Right.” X agreed with a nod. He moved over to Aero and offered his arm out to her. She looked at it, then him, and soon gave another laugh as she linked their arms together.

It didn’t take long to remember why they hid in the unisex bathroom to begin with. The outside world was a lot more overwhelming. World leaders, important scholars, and even the latest tech giants were in attendance for today’s award ceremony. It was almost hard to believe that this crowd really made up such a small portion of society- the ability to not bump into someone important was impossible to achieve.

X and Aero -the latter in particular- clung to each other as they tried to find gaps in the crowd, working their way backstage to where Aero needed to be before the ceremony started proper. X had to purposely dampen some of his hearing capabilities. If he even dared to hone in on one conversation, he’d be getting the feedback loop of 20 others near it. But doing this risked vulnerabilities. As he and Aero got closer to the backstage entrance, a sense of dread started to loom over him. From where, he couldn’t place. He tried to shove away any potential what-ifs by keeping Aero close. The closer she was, the safer they were. Right?

Backstage ended up being more chaotic than the front areas. Stagehands were running back and forth, trying to get everyone into place. There was a director or productor that kept shouting orders at the lighting technicians. There was even a DJ that was making sure his equipment was up to snuff before going live. It took a single stagehand to recognize Aero, and not long after she was being pushed onto stage. X tried to keep up. He took some pride that he never lost sight of her red head of hair, even though her height usually made it difficult if the circumstances were right.

When Aero was unceremoniously dropped off at her designated seat on stage, X was at her side not long after. He didn’t dare to take the seat next to her, in fear that someone would yell at him and immediately make him leave.

Aero took a deep sigh out before saying, “I don’t envy them in the slightest.”

“Yeah,” X agreed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Remind me to never be part of a live show. It looks as exhilarating as it is stressful.”

“Amen.” Aero agreed, raising her hand.

Her statement earned the attention of a Reploid sitting next to her. It scrunched its face as it looked over her, before suddenly standing up as a flash of recognition flashed across its face.

“Aero Sephira!” the Reploid said. “It’s an honor to meet you in person!”

Aero and X both looked at the other Reploid. It wasn’t anyone they immediately recognized. The Reploid must have known this, because it shrunk a little from embarrassment.

“Where are my manners?” it asked itself. To Aero it amended with, “My name is Diji, Aero. I’m one of your fellow alumni during this program. We never met in person, of course, but I’ve heard a lot of stories about you! A lot of folks say that you’re just what we need for the next generation. I doubted it at first -jealousy, you see- but the more I saw, the more I became a believer! You are one of the brightest this generation has to offer.”

It took Aero another moment to connect the dots- her exclamation coming out in a surprised, “Oh!” before standing up as well.

“Diji, I’m so sorry,” she then said, holding her hand out to the Reploid, “I didn’t recognize you. You’re right, we didn’t have any classes together, but you have a reputation that precedes you too, you know. There were only five Reploids who joined the program this year- can you believe it?”

“Yeah.” Diji agreed- their grin just a bit weaker now. “It wasn’t an easy course, that’s for sure. But here I am. Here we are! It’s an honor to be receiving this reward with you!”

“No, the honor is mine,” Aero insisted with a grin. “It’s not every day that your fellow alumni is a Reploid. And the first to receive this award, no less.”

“I wish all humans had the same modesty you do.” Diji sighed. “It would have made studying easier.”

Aero gave Diji one of her genuine grins. A small pang of jealousy hit X for a moment, but he immediately shook it away. He needed to be as happy for Diji as he was for Aero. They both earned their awards this year, and Diji certainly made it seem like it was more of an uphill journey for them than it would have been for Aero.

“We have five minutes before showtime, people!” one of the producers shouted as they walked around the area. “Five more minutes!”

“Guess that means you need to go take your seat now.” Aero teased at X.

“H-huh? Yeah…” he absently agreed. Now that backstage was starting to calm a bit while everyone got into place, something about leaving now felt… wrong. The curtains on stage were still closed, so it was hard to tell what could have been on the other end. Were people already taking their seats out there too? Were some people still bumping elbows with other socialites in the main hallways?

Aero caught on to his hesitation quickly.

“X?” she wondered, “Are you alright?”

He looked up at her, and his heart sunk even more.  Without a second thought, he pulled her into a tight hug. The gesture thoroughly surprised the teen. Even Diji looked as if they hadn’t been expecting him to do such a thing. 

Aero gave him a moment or two before wiggling some space between them. Instead of saying anything, she instead looked him right in the eye. Her face spoke for her.

X could only keep the motion of opening and closing his mouth. Trying, and failing each time, to find a poor excuse to voice what he was thinking. But that was just the thing- he didn’t know what he was thinking. Did he need to confess something? Did he want to warn her about something else? The more he remained in conflict, the more Aero continued to stare at him in suspicion.

“I…” he tried to say, but was interrupted when music started to play, signaling that the ceremony was starting. Despite his best efforts, she slipped out of his grip.

“You need to go find your spot.” she reminded him. Her voice low, but also carrying a hint of cautionary care.

X gave a slow nod. Knowing that he couldn’t articulate his feelings proper, X carefully made his way to his seat just in time. As the ceremony began proper, the growing pit in his stomach did not go away. The first Reploid unconsciously crossed his fingers as the curtains started to rise.

‘Please let this ceremony go unharmed,’ he prayed, ‘Please let all these fears I have be for nothing…’

X didn’t know if there was a god or not, but sometimes he wondered if they tended to ignore him just because he wasn’t human.

. . .

The ceremony started off rather pleasantly. A choir composed of past alumni sang a rousing series of songs about never giving up and returning home. Then the president of the program gave an even longer speech about the merits of hard work. All the while, X kept his focus on Aero. Deep down he knew she was doing the same. What else did they have to look at? If they could send each other invisible messages, they’d probably do so just to pass the time. X could almost see them sending a message so silly that Aero got a dark look from the program director for disrupting the ceremony.

“And now, distinguished ladies and gentlemen,” the president then said, “We begin our award ceremony. Every year we exemplify our greatest learners and upcoming visionaries, and this year proved to have no slouchers! However, none worked so hard as Diji, the first Reploid to come out of our program with full marks!”

The crowd went into a loud approval as Diji gave them a sheepish nod. The Reploid was more than a little nervous as they got up. They stumbled slightly, Aero helping by the tiniest movement. Diji, grateful for the small kindness, soon gained confidence before heading to the podium. They gave the president a nod, who then stepped a generous amount away so Diji could give their speech.

“It’s an honor to be up here today,” Diji started. “As many of you know, Reploids have been a controversial part of this program, but through the efforts of the giants before me, I can gratefully say-”

Diji’s thought was cut off when something was tossed onto the stage. Small and circular, almost everyone’s attention was drawn to it. The world went quiet as those paying attention realized the little ball was beeping in countdown.

“It’s…” Diji murmured as they looked it over.

“A grenade!” X realized, jumping out of his seat.

But it was Aero who realized the target of the small object.

“Get down!” Aero called out before diving toward Diji. Not a second after the bomb went off, blinding the entire area in a bright light. Everyone in attendance had to shield their eyes from it- some even lost hearing for a moment or so.

X was already working his way up to the stage not long after. Not letting his eyesight -currently working at 20 percent- or his still recovering hearing -it was a bit better, at 48 percent- stop him from making sure everyone was alright. He got to the stage where Aero and Diji lied just as Diji was coming back to full capability.

X gave Diji a quick, “Don’t panic, I’ll get her off of you.” just as the other Reploid realized that Aero was unresponsive. Now in their own level of shock, Diji just nodded as X gingerly moved Aero off of them. The quick inspection of her body didn’t last long.

“We need a medic!” X then shouted. “Someone get 911 on the line now!”

“Already on it!” a stagehand called out- their phone displaying the estimated time of arrival for the first responders.

“She’ll be okay.” Diji said, more to themself than to anyone in particular. “She has to be okay…”

X refused to say a word. It felt like his whole world was dimmed down to a single sight. In all his limitless knowledge, serious medical attention was not yet one of them. Fear kept him in place, refusing to leave Aero’s side. In his panic, X didn’t notice that the venue’s security was actively apprehending the person who had thrown the grenade on stage. Their shouts of supporting the Emerald Spears went unheard as medics tended to Aero and took her away. X never had time to memorize the terrorist’s face, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t need to.

. . .

The hospital felt eerily quiet after that. Neither Dr Cain or Aero’s grandmother had arrived at the hospital yet. X was already rehearsing what he’d have to tell them on how she got there. He genuinely feared they would blame him for it.

“You have a visitor.” a voice belonging to the room’s intercom system alerted X. Unsure of who it was, X simply remained where he was. As long as Aero slept, and none of her family were here yet, he wasn’t going to leave her side.

“Is she going to be okay?” a small voice timidly asked from the door.

X blinked for a moment, then turned to the new person.

“Diji?”

The other Reploid gave a sheepish smile, partially hiding themselves behind the bouquet of flowers they were holding. X stood up to help relieve Diji of the flowers.

“Thanks.” the Reploid grinned. But then they looked at Aero, a sense of dread coming over their features. “She took the brunt of it for me…”

“It looks like it…” X agreed as he set the flowers down.

“I wish I had taken more classes with her,” Diji sighed. “Maybe then I could confidently say I’d do the same for her, if the roles were reversed.”

X didn’t respond. Instead, he once more found himself staring at Aero. You could have told him that she was simply asleep, and he would have believed you. The heart monitor told you she was fine, sure, but it meant nothing when there was no telling when she’d wake up. If she ever woke up. Medicine could only range so far when you were placed in direct range of a grenade that was intended to knock out all of your senses in a single blow.

When Diji placed their hand on X’s shoulder, the latter jumped a solid foot in the air out of sheer surprise. Diji’s face was wiped of all emotion.

“More humans should be like Aero.” the Reploid softly told X. “She’ll wake up soon. She has to.”

Diji took a look at Aero, then took several steps away from X.

“I should get going,” they told him. “Can you let me know if she wakes up?”

“Sure,” X agreed without a second thought.

“Good.” Diji nodded. They left not long after, leaving X once more alone is the silence.

. . .

Aero’s grandmother was the first to arrive at the hospital. The old lady hid her concern well, citing that Aero had been through much worse before. And when X admitted that he felt like he was responsible for Aero’s current state, her grandmother laughed. Because of course that weird old lady would.

“But what about you, dear?” Aero’s grandmother asked. “Have you gotten any rest since Aero has been here?”

“I haven’t…” he admitted, looking down. He couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or regret.

“Go take a small walk, then.” the old lady suggested with a grin not unlike Aero’s. “I assure you, my granddaughter will certainly be here when you get back. When she wakes, you’re helping me to bring her home, you know!”

X could afford a light smile to that, at least. He could almost see them now- Aero’s grandmother holding the door for them as X carried Aero home because she refused to use a wheelchair…

Thinking of any future with Aero made X nervous. He wouldn’t call it a bad kind of nervous, though. It was a good nervous- like the anticipation that led to Christmas morning. It gave X enough resolve to take the advice of a silly old lady who cared for him as much as she cared for her only granddaughter.

He decided to take his walk in the public garden beside the hospital. This way, he wouldn’t be far in case news came in about Aero. It was a nice day outside. The weather was warm, perfect for the season, as the smell of flowers overcame his senses to put him at ease. It was going to be a good year for crops in general, he decided. Maybe this would be the year he started his own garden. But where would he put it? There certainly wasn’t room where he lived with Dr Cain. They barely had the space for a tiny orchid.

As X considered asking whoever owned this garden if he could rent out a plot, he noticed someone rather odd staring up at the hospital. It wasn’t anyone X could recognize at first. This odd person was wearing a green jacket with a red spear emblazoned across the chest. The blue pants they wore matched the striping on the jacket, and the red boots just barely managed to accent the spear itself. It took X a moment, but he soon realized it was the uniform worn by the Emerald Spears; a terrorist cult that wanted Reploids -and other menial robots- destroyed. But what were they doing here? This hospital in particular only cared for human patients, not Reploids.

X took a closer look at this Emerald Spears member. Their attention was drawn to a certain window in the hospital. X took a step back, trying hard  to not make it obvious that he was following their gaze, and doing his best to determine just what that cult member was looking at.

A pit hit his stomach when he realized they were looking right at Aero’s room.

His immediate reaction after was to go up and punch them in the face. X only managed to shake himself out of it by reasoning it would have gone against the Laws of Robotics. But still, whatever the Emerald Spears were doing here, it sure felt suspicious. Maybe X could find a covert way to get their attention?

After weighing his options for all of a moment, X decided to do just that. He tried to keep his stride as calm as possible as he closed the distance between him and the cult member. He managed to brush their shoulder in a way that almost looked accidental. If it wasn’t for his small flinch of regret, of course. Regardless, the nudge certainly seemed to get the Emerald Spears attention.

“Watch where you’re going Rep-” they started to bark before getting a good look at X himself. X simply stared back at them. The moment of change was instant. A look of fear crossed their face as they recognized X.

“You’re…” they sputtered, “You’re the Reploid that was with her…!”

X raised an eyebrow. Silence was going to be his best bet here. He couldn’t make assumptions yet- not quite.

At X’s refusal to move, the Emerald Spears stood a bit straighter.

“I hope you’re aware of what you’ve done, bot!” they shouted at X. “Because of your kind, one of our own was injured for the cause! Oh, to be part of that girl’s family while they mourn her departure. All because you Reploids exist in the first place!”

X blinked. His fists slowly started to curl into a fist as the dots connected.

“You did it.” X realized. “You’re the one who threw the grenade on stage.”

“So what if I did? What are you going to do about it?”

Something in X snapped. He held himself higher as he stepped closer to the Emerald Spears member. Combined with the sunset, the shadows emphasized the shape of his helmet but not giving a distinction to the rest of his face. The effect made X look more like a reaper than anything resembling human. It made the cult member back away in both fear and awe.

“You say that the blame is on Reploids,” X said- his voice so low and dark, he wouldn’t be able to recognize it if he could, “But are you forgetting that it was her choice to protect the Reploid you were aiming for? Have you not considered that her love for another being is what will make her family proud if she passes on? What good is it for your cause when the people you’re trying to protect are the very ones who end up in the crossfire?”

X continued to stare them down. They squirmed underneath his gaze with unease.

“N-no one was supposed to get hurt.” they finally admitted. “The shock bomb was meant to disable the Reploid so we could address our concerns. We didn’t expect a human to-”

“Care?”

The simple word made the human take another step back. Their dumbfounded confusion only boiled X’s blood further.

“You didn’t expect a human to care.” he reiterated with a lot more force. “That’s what you mean, isn’t it?”

“I-“ they fumbled. “I…”

What finally got them to stop babbling was when they saw something glistening at the corner of X’s eye. That single drop formed and fell down his cheek so naturally, that the human was dead awestruck.

“You’re crying.”

The news did not phase X in the slightest. It probably didn’t even register at first as he refused to look away. The shock finally caught up to the Emerald Spears member, however. They tumbled over their own feet and fell hard to the ground. This new angle only made X look even more terrifying.

“I-I’ll leave the Emerald Spears!” the member told X. “I’ve seen first hand now that you’re more than just intelligent silicon. You’re more human than any of us! Just… just let me live, please. Please don’t hurt me…”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” X said in a disgusted voice.

The Emerald Spears member looked up at him in confusion. “You… you’re not?”

X gave a shake of his head. “What good would it do?” he questioned. “No, I have a friend to return to.”

And with that, he left. X didn’t stop as he went back to Aero’s hospital room. On his way there, he considered apologizing to Aero’s grandmother- apparently a walk was the last thing he needed right now.

He wasn’t able to do so, as Aero’s grandmother met him at the door with a wide smile on her face.

“There’s a surprise for you, sweetie.” she told him, her grin growing even brighter.

X raised an eyebrow at the old woman before taking a closer peek into the room. There he saw Aero sitting up in her bed, with a doctor doing a quick eye exam on her.

“Aero,” X sighed in relief. He continued to enter the room with light steps. Seeing her awake again felt great- it almost made him lightheaded. For a moment he even wondered why he was so worried to begin with. She would be fine. She was always going to be fine.

Aero happened to see X out of the corner of her eye. When she realized he was there, she jumped, and was then immediately knocked off guard by the doctor’s eye test light as it hit her eyeball in a strange direction. She went down with a groan, covering her eyes up in reaction. The doctor gave a light chuckle as he put the light away.

“What color are the spots you’re seeing now?” he asked.

“Purple.” Aero groaned.

“Excellent.” the doctor laughed. “That means your vision is returning without any noticeable issue. We’ll have an MRI scan scheduled as soon as possible to make sure your brain is functioning as it should as well. After that, you’ll undergo a bit of rehab to make sure your gross and fine motor skills catch up. You’ll be homefree in no time, Miss Sephira.”

“Goodie.” Aero continued to whine, still rubbing her eyes. When she finally looked up at him, she looked exhausted. Not that X could blame her- she’d been in a coma for almost a day now.

“I’ll be back a bit later, Miss Sephira,” the doctor promised as he started to leave. “For now, get a bit more rest and we’ll take good care of you.”

“Thanks.” Aero said with a weak wave. The doctor smiled before leaving the room.

“Oh dear,” Aero’s grandmother then hummed, “Seems I forgot to tell the doctor something. I’ll be back, my dears.”

“She did that on purpose.” Aero huffed not a moment after her grandmother closed the door. “Senile little babushka…”

Aero’s joking pout was put on hold when X took her hand. It felt warm in hers. Aero blinked as she registered the action before looking to X.

“You’re awake.” he softly said. “You’re awake.”

“Way to make it seem like I was clinically dead for awhile.” Aero snorted. After a small pause, she then asked, “Was I?”

X shook his head. The small confirmation allowed Aero to relax quite a bit. Squeezing her hand a bit tighter, X brought his head down and gently placed his forehead against hers. This time, he was aware that he was crying, and -a lot like last time- he didn’t bother to hold them back.

Aero made no effort to stop him. Instead, she carefully tried to move her free hand to give him a very light hug.

“You have to let me die some day, you know.” Aero joked in a small voice.

X only held her closer.

[synthaphone]

wish things didnt bother me so much. i dont like feeling like i’m getting overly worked up or take everything too seriously

but also man. wish the lyrics to that one weakerthans song ‘reunion tour’ werent like that. probably gonna keep listening to the rest of the songs and hope that the singer wouldnt write that kind of thing now, but man

[winterpower98]

Yeah i might as well do a part 4!

For the confused ones, the first part it's when Ma meets possessed wukong and the LBD!

The second part is the continuation of that, and the last part was when Ma and wukong get to meet each other again properly.

Part four is the continuation of that!

after crying and comforting, everyone decided to get a break, and to leave Ma and wukong alone,

Since Wukong can't even walk, and Ma dosen't seem to like anyone besides wukong yet.

"wh- where have you been?! What happened back there—there was a fire and then you dissapeard and then- you got possessed—"

she kept making questions, while wukong looked at her with a smile, but once he realized she didn't.. know what happened after the fire in flower fruit mountain, his smile dropped.

Not like he expected her to know, he dosen't recall Ma reincarnating or becoming a ghost.

"Ma- it's- a lot happened okay?- it's-"

He breathed, even breathing hurts.

"hey- hey don't force yourself-"

Ma was still worried as shit. She has zero context and that now she is fine and healthy she needs to take care of the others.

"Ma- Ma a lot happened okay? You just need to know that I'm not dying anytime soon and that flower fruit mountain is okay. I made sure of that."

But that was 500 years ago.

"you won't die-"

She laughed, sad.

"wukong you can't even breathe without feeling pain!"

"and I'm telling you I'm not gonna die."

His magic is all over the place, and too strong for him to run out of it.

Ma sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.

"I'm- can i at least know what happened? and- can we go back to flower fruit mountain? I just-"

She's paranoid. She's scared and she doesn't know anything.

"long story short a demon caused chaos and i got possessed then you happened and yeah. And yes we will come back there once everyone's fine."

He doesn't even have the energy to stay awake, he's only running on adrenaline because Ma is here.

And both Ma and wukong are too scared to lose each other to relax right now.

"wukong- wukong you've been missing after that celestial dude got you. What happened there?! I was so worried!"

Oh.

"chill out Ma it's fine, it's- hard to explain okay just- relax okay?"

He's trying so hard to stay silent, he knows he will split up and say something that might cause Ma to panic more, but he got way too good at lying so he should be good.

"..is- are macaque and others okay? I didn't see them here, are they in flower fruit mountain?"

...

"I 'dunno where Ba or Beng are, but Mac was uh around here- i don't know why he keeps hiding he's more of an anti social guy than me. And i said a lot."

"he was what?"

- part four of a fanfiction an anon who's been obsessing over Ma and Wukong relationship so much they created a whole ass AU/alternative ending

(previous part)

Cut to Ma sprinting out of the Van to see where her best friend/partially adopted son is and why is he trying to avoid her

Part 5

[smolbeandrabbles]

Kiss Me Quiet - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

GIF Credit: X @wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​ 

‘Tell me something good’ is fantastic line context for later... FYI.😏😏

Author’s Note: Requested by @slurpin! Thank you SO much for your request! Especially as it’s Nolan 🥰🥰🥰

Well if there’s one good thing to come out of my slight writing (and life in general) spiral, it’s the first few paragraphs of this fic!

Also this went through three songs before I landed on this one, by accident on youtube as ever, and I loved it *so* much that it had to be the one I used. Kiss Me Quiet - Jess Moskaluke

Disclaimer: RPO naught to do with me / Of course we’re referencing Lacero again / gifs & lyrics not mine Premise: There’s been a lot weighing on your mind recently, even though you’re on holiday. Nolan Sorrento wants to cheer you up, and he’s got a good bottle of wine... Words: 2727 Warnings: sexual connotations / some sexy shenanigans / dirty talk / swearing / drinking.

____

You're laying back chill, biting your tongue Taking it in, looking like you love Listening to me run my pretty little mouth And the sweet soft sound as the words fall out

Oh it's a sexy little dance You watching me talking with my hands Oh and you know I won't quit That look like you're trying to resist my lips says

Tell me what you want, where you wanna go Tell me who you are, what you think Yeah you're smiling like you wanna know All my crazy friends, boy I'll make you laugh Talking 'bout Panama City, best spring break I ever had Baby I know what you want When you crank my favorite song So I'll sing along, yeah, sing along Sing up a riot 'Till you kiss me quiet I'll keep going on and on until you kiss me quiet

Can you keep a secret, I'll whisper in your ear Boy, I'll make you hang onto every word you hear I'll keep spilling it, you keep listening till you can't hold back no more

I'll tell you what I want, where I wanna go Tell you who I am, what I think Yeah you're smiling like you wanna know All my crazy friends, boy I'll make you laugh Taking 'bout Panama City, best spring break I ever had Baby, I know what you want When you crank my favorite song So I'll sing along, yeah, sing along Sing up a riot 'Till you kiss me quiet

---

“How are you feeling?” Was such an odd question to be asked when on top of a hill, in the quiet, in sunshine, looking out over the serene view of Sorrento and the sweeping bay. Gorgeous sapphire blue sea stretching out towards the rest of mainland Europe. It wasn’t that he was asking you how you were feeling, but the tone Nolan was asking it in.

“Hmm?” You looked up at him, the way his blue eyes studied you with careful interest. There was a lot of concern there too. But he stayed sitting where he was; he didn’t want to get closer, didn’t want to smother you if it wasn’t needed or wanted. “You’ve been quiet for a while, nearly all holiday.” “I’m fine.” And you meant it, “Nolan you know me, I just... have quiet spells.” “I was starting to think it was me.” He murmured his thought almost guiltily. And you shook your head. No, no it wasn’t. It was just he, nor the view, could really cheer you up right now. You were fine, that was true, but you couldn’t say you’d raise it above that. Not quite yet anyway. Nolan Sorrento could probably change that around if he wanted; it was already clear by the fact you were up here that he was putting the effort in. Nolan always did. He knew how to break through that, so he could get to hearing the sweet sound of your voice again. Which was certainly one of his favourite things – something he could associate with the comfort of home, calm and welcoming after a long work day, soothing and delicate as you’d hold him and tell him it was all going to be okay, how loud you got when you talked a on and on around something you were passionate about, or when you got mad, or drunk… the way you laughed. That slight waiver you always tried to hide when you were sad that he could pick up on immediately to quiet your fears, or work on making you smile again. Luckily it wasn’t present right now, but Nolan was afraid of hearing it. Then that shake… a delightful thing to be able to draw from you: beside him, on top of him, pinned under him… it didn’t matter where; just that moment. And how it sounded over the phone, how you’d make the tone of your voice sweet, sultry… sexy - everything you would say when he was a little too far away from you for a little too long… Nolan shuffled uncomfortably for a moment where he was sitting and cleared his throat – painfully aware he’d thought on that for a little too long.  All he had to do was get you talking about something that made you happy, something that would bring you back to life. Pull you from whatever had got you so far gone… Maybe he could flirt with you, maybe he could even get you blushing. Nolan knew that he’d have to be careful with that one though; one false move and you’d be driven away, or you’d snap at him. That was a fine line, he’d just have to be careful and coax it out of you. Luckily the planned date was a picnic up here, so, admire the views all you want but cracking open a good bottle of wine was going to change all that; even if your only thought was put to teasing him about it. As you heard him rummaging around you couldn’t help be curious: Nolan muttered to himself - in Italian you had to note - as he uncorked the bottle, and although your first thought was ‘I hope he isn’t expecting us to drink the whole THING?!’ you couldn’t help but tip your head. Okay, you knew what he was doing, but you’d bite. “Let me guess, that’s Sorrento made?” “Sorrento?” God damn him for rolling the r’s like that, “Close…” He pulled out a glass and skilfully poured it like you might see a mixologist do behind a fancy bar. Party trick? You guessed he’d probably picked it up somewhere. “And what, it’s 1999?” “Oooh…” He smirked, “She’s close, once more.” He held the glass out to you, “But no dice.” “Then what!?” You took it and Nolan showed you the bottle, “Oh. My birth year? I thought it was only good if it was ’99.” “Usually. But, it’s not about me. This time.” He gave a gentle wink, and poured himself a glass before placing the bottle back, “So, to you. And trying to cheer you up!” For a minute your stare at him was blank, before you blinked slowly, “You are… infuriating.” “Ah, so it’s working?” “NO.” Although you couldn’t help but smile into the glass as you sipped. “Look whatever it is, you know I’d do anything to fix it. You do, don’t you?” “Nolan…” you sighed gently, “It’s not you. It’s just… a mood I get into sometimes.” “I know you might not think so,” His head tipped, blue eyes soft, “but I’m a good listener too. Like for like, you listen to me enough. About time I did the same.” You were quiet, staring back at your glass, the reflection of yourself in the red liquid – before you took a deep breath: “I don’t know. Work, I guess.” “Mm?” He raised an eyebrow. “You put in effort and, either no one recognises it or they just take the credit, then you wonder why you bother or… Is this it? Is this the life I’m going to live?” “Well, not everything’s bad right?” You could hear that slight hurt that you would do anything to take back. “N-No. Oh, Nolan, yes I have you! But… I can’t pin all my happiness on you. That’s not fair.” He very nearly tipped the whole glass back, “Fuck ‘em. Come work for me.” You immediately snorted, “Oh no, no no no, I’m not working for IOI.” “What!? Why?” “No way. I couldn’t!” You shook your head vigorously. “You’d be a damn sight better than most of them!” He sounded more desperate than persuasive. “Oh no, I’ve heard so many horror stories!” “Really?” “Yeah, especially about their CEO.” You couldn’t keep a straight face, and began to giggle. His eyes narrowed, smile knowing, “Is that right?” Then you couldn’t help but laugh, “Yes. Can confirm-” “Confirm?!” You waved your hand, laughing at his outrage, “-None of those rumours are true.” “You are on such thin ice!!” Nolan shook his head at you, but was grinning, then indicated to your glass, “Well?!” “Oh,” you looked to it, “you really don’t need me to tell you how good it is, do you?” “Eh, I dunno, feed my ego.” “It’s delicious. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to pick wine for me in a million years.” “That’s my girl!” He smiled, pouring himself another glass, then held it out to toast with yours, “Now I’ve got a smile back on your face, c’mon… let’s talk about something a little nicer!”

So, talk started to turn to other holidays, you’d both been to Sorrento before, both together and alone. In fact one year you’d come out here with your friends and explored the Amalfi coast before heading up to city areas like Rome and Milan; your ‘little’ Italian road trip. Apparently, that didn’t compare to being here with him – and you noticed that smirk – or your ‘best spring break ever’. He’d met your friends and each and every one of them was crazy: it’d been a lot to take in for him at once but once they’d broken through the play-it-straight businessman they all seemed to really like him. He’d never got vibes they didn’t, although Nolan knew why they were protective of you, and you’d never had the inclination to tell him they didn’t like him. But the stories about your adventures together? Downright hysterical. You’d been fairly lucky growing up in ways that Nolan hadn’t. He’d surely worked very hard in a very short period of time to become who he was. You’d always lived fairly comfortably; you at least had no complaints. So, Nolan lived all his wild spring break adventures through you. Much more likely to have spent his own fixing up old gaming and projection systems, or looking after his little sister. You’d had a lot of near misses and dodged bullets and you were the fairly careful one of your friends. Pretty soon you were both crying laughing and Nolan had to ask you to stop for just a second so he could catch his breath. He wasn’t averse to talking about some of his favourite things either, even if they were more recent memories. Even if some of them were just travels he’d got to take with IOI. Even just something he was building or planning for the OASIS. Nolan often had the imagination, but no means of execution. Even with the millions IOI made, he was fairly restricted by the happiness of his shareholders and the board of directors. You’d read his little book of plans that he’d kept ideas in ever since his earliest day of interning with Gregarious Games, and one day you hoped he’d be able to put all of these things into production. For now, Nolan was content and that was all that mattered to you. And all yours on weekends, and holidays. He was not allowed to bring work home with him and, on the rare occasions he did, Nolan always asked your express permission – not that you were going to say no when he was giving you that face. Although by this point, he had his tablet out and was shuffling through your playlist. You weren’t all alone up here, but other visitors to the site were far enough away for it not to disturb them. Nolan nudged the conversation back to you though, so that he could hear your voice, talking about anything and everything, now you were focused on Sorrento, on the view before you. Your tone dreamy and far off; his favourite person talking about one of his favourite places on earth. With fine wine and good Italian food, it was altogether a perfect mix. Nolan was focused so much on your body language, the way you moved, the sounds you made, every nuance of your face that added so much colour to what you were saying… whatever you were saying, because he wasn’t hearing words. But you were clearly talking to him, and asking him questions because the next thing he knew you’d turned your beautiful eyes on his awaiting an answer. “-Nolan!?” “W-what, I’m… I’m sorry I-” You folded your arms with a gasp, teasing, “You weren’t even listening to me?!” “No that’s not it… I was… listening so hard that I didn’t hear a word.” “…That- doesn’t make sense!” “Admiring… the way you say things, not… the what. Who you are. It’s- it just makes me happy. I guess I’m just thinking about you… a lot.” “Oh…” Your voice got quiet for a minute, and you looked to the blanket with a small blush. Ah… there was one…a perfect moment. And a good first chance. “I mean… I can’t figure out whether I like you best on top of me, beneath me, or next to me. What do you think?” Your eyes widened for a second, before flicking back up to meet his. The single beat you missed was to work out if Nolan was being serious, but it was obvious by the glint in his eyes. “I don’t really care, but I do know if these people weren’t around, I would jump you right now!” The slight shock on your face turned into a very pointed smirk. “If you were quiet I’m sure no one would notice…” “I have no intention of being quiet if I’m going to rip through the buttons on your nice shirt, Mr. Sorrento.” “This shirt was pretty expensive. You’re lucky I could cover the cost.” But he winked, “I hope you’ve eaten enough, because trust me you’re gonna need all that energy. I think I’ll go with beneath me. I’m sure there’s a tie somewhere I can bind your wrists with…” The blush across your face deepened and your body immediately latched onto that with an oh! that you were glad didn’t make its way out verbally. “Now I just want you to come over here and fuck me.” “Don’t care who’s watching?” “No.” “Imagine that one in the Columbus papers tomorrow…” Nolan breathed deep, “It’d almost be worth it!” You whined, tipping yourself back onto your hands with a pout. Nolan had this look in his eyes like he knew exactly what he was doing to you, and he wasn’t wrong; he was succeeding in turning you on. “God, I just want my hands all over you.” “Finish the bottle and I’ll consider it.” He sipped gently at his glass again, “I’m not wasting a vintage this good.” “Just pour it on me then.” “Red wine?!” He looked repulsed for a second, “Honey, there’s plenty of things I would lick off your body but red wine is not one of them. I do have a little bit of class.” “Nolan-!” Your protest of his name was breathless. “If it were Champagne, I’d consider it.” “You’re fucking killing me.” “Or just fucking you…” He smirked again, watching the way your chest rose and fell heavily, he could bet on the sweet ache between your thighs right now; touché, Nolan had one of his own that he was trying to control behind that façade. He pulled the bottle out of the basket again and studied the level in the sunlight, “Half glass each aughta do it…” You held yours out eagerly, making Nolan smirk a little harder as he turned to pour it, but his pour was agonisingly slow and he left the bottle tipped as he finished the measure. “C’mere…” He coaxed you gently; he’d been holding back what he really wanted to do all day, Nolan wasn’t about to now. And you weren’t about to resist him, as he pulled you into a wine-soaked kiss. You immediately grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to you and hardly caring that you were probably spilling a good amount of this glass everywhere, even though Nolan himself had managed to carefully place the bottle back down, drawing your body closer his hand travelled beneath your skirt and he brushed his fingers delicately over your panties. This time your moan was into his kiss. Nolan pulled back with a chuckle, but his fingertips lingered there and he continued to tease you, “Mmm… I thought so. You’re already so wet, for me.” His voice was husky and you couldn’t help shiver in pleasure. “Nolan…” Your face was red and he wasn’t sure if it was the wine finally getting to you, or your blush was just that deep, but you looked gorgeous, and your voice was at a needy pitch. Yes, it was getting hard to control himself… He allowed you to kiss him again; and that wine tasted even better from your lips. “I know I shouldn’t be saying this on holiday but can we go back to our hotel room?’ Your voice was quiet, and your hands were steadying your body against his as he continued to touch you. Nolan’s smile was soft, as if you were sitting across from him at a fine restaurant and he was being an absolute gentleman, “Ab-so-lute-ly.” He circled your sweet spot with every syllable and you bit back your whine this time. “Will you speak Italian to me all the time too?” If there was one other thing that could get you off, it was that. You couldn’t trust him to speak Italian in anything less than the sexiest manner possible with his only intent to get you to push him against a wall, or beg him to find a quieter place at the party to get a little quick and dirty. He smirked deliciously once more, “Va bene.” And you cursed, shivering as Nolan leant forward to kiss your neck. Your stomach gave a flutter as he removed his hand from between your thighs – not for long… Soon your clothes would be strewn all over the floor of your hotel instead…

---

Thank you for reading my lovelies! 😘😘

[laurawritesandgames]

Title: The Children We Never Had

Fandom: Beetlejuice (Musical)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Barbara/Adam

Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Content Warning: References to miscarriages and abortion

Summary: As Delia and Charles prepare to start their family together, Barbara reflects on her chance to have her own children. What once seemed so simple can become much more complicated when you’re a ghost....

Delia and Charles had just completed the first round of IVF treatments. Delia was fanatic about getting all toxins out of the house, so one Saturday the Maitlands, Beetlejuice and Lydia were helping Delia get rid of any plastic containers in the kitchen, to be replaced with glass containers.

“Why is there so much Tupperware?” Delia exclaimed.

“One of Mom’s friends sold Tupperware, and we had a few parties,” Lydia said. “Mom was sick for years. If she’d been able to keep up with the science, I doubt she would’ve kept them. She was nuts about the environment.” Lydia frowned thoughtfully. “Say, Delia, what exactly are your thoughts on vaccines?”

Barbara and Adam shared a look. They knew from the Maitland-Deetz��s biweekly parenting meetings that Delia had anti-vaxxer tendencies. She was, at least, open to a respectful discussion about vaccines. Give Charles a few conversations and she’d probably give in to science and reason—the newlyweds were crazy for each other.

Not that Lydia had any of that context.

“I’m just not convinced vaccines are necessary. I have some very interesting websites I can show you later, Lydia. There’s a lot of doubt about the so-called ‘science’ that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to see.”

Lydia’s lip curled in the disgust.

“Are you an idiot?!” Beetlejuice said. “I lived in a world without vaccines. It was shit!”

“I just don’t know if I’m willing to take that risk,” Delia said, with her polite, argument-deflecting smile. Adam’s parents had been masters at avoiding conflict, so Barbara knew what would happen next. She’d say something light or silly and try to get everyone focused on the kitchen again.  

“I should draw a door and bring you to the Netherworld, Delia. Give you a tour of Diaper Town so you can see all the dead babies that’re there from before childhood vaccines were a thing.”

“Diaper Town?” Lydia asked.

“Eh, that’s not the real name—just what we called it. Where the dead babies go. Ugh! I had a shift in Diaper Town for a few decades. It was the worst.”

“I imagine they look like they did when they died,” Lydia said, thoughtfully.

“And they never age! That’s the only reason people hang around babies—because they eventually become not-babies.”

“What about miscarriages? Mom had a few before me. Is there going to be a clump of Deetz cells in the Netherworld?”

Barbara reached out for Adam’s hand and found it within seconds. (He’d been across the room a second ago. He must have teleported.) She clenched it. Hard. 

Beetlejuice didn’t notice.

As a ghost, you were always cold. Barbara couldn’t get colder. She also couldn’t swallow to try to wet a dry mouth. Her hands wouldn’t grow cold and prickly with shock. Her emotions were completely disconnected from bodily sensations. She could feel Adam behind her and leaned back into him slightly. Not that he made her feel warmer. Nothing ever would.

If she’d been alive, she might’ve looked like Delia: her face pale as she forced a too-wide smile onto her face. “Let’s all talk about something else, shall we? I don’t want any bad vibes.” Her hand rested on her stomach. During one of their parenting meetings, she’d mentioned she only had a few eggs left. “Not—not right now.”

Lydia glared at her. “Seriously? Hearing about a dead woman’s fertility issues isn’t going to hurt your fetus.”

“The Deetus,” Beetlejuice added. “Deetz fetus. Get it?”

Lydia ignored him. “Bad vibes aren’t a thing!”

“We’ll agree to disagree on that one.” Delia hurried out of the kitchen. “Would anyone mind a smudging ceremony? Just to clear the air and usher in tranquility?”

Lydia followed with a shriek of rage. “’Smudging ceremony’? Are you from an Indigenous tribe, Delia? Because if you’re not, that’s major cultural appropriation!”

“Ooo, cultural appropriation! I know that one!” Beetlejuice said, delighted. When he’d first come back from the Netherworld, the Maitlands had held a few sensitivity seminars for him so he could stop getting into arguments with Lydia. Beetlejuice’s views were a weird mix of surprisingly progressive and incredibly archaic. “It’s a culture, not a costume!” He floated over to Barbara and Adam. “Did I do that right? Do I get a kiss?”

It took a lot of effort to focus on Beetlejuice right now. “Sorry,” Barbara said. “We’re not going to reward you for being a decent person. But thank you for trying.”

Beetlejuice huffed in disappointment.

Adam cleared his throat. Barbara glanced at him. Adam tilted his head slightly at Beetlejuice, raising his eyebrows questioningly. He was asking her for permission to tell Beetlejuice. After a moment’s thought, Barbara nodded. Beetlejuice liked to keep things light, but he was their boyfriend, after all. He should learn a bit more about Barbara and Adam.

“What happens to children who died before they were born?” Adam asked quietly.

Beetlejuice shrugged. “I dunno. I was born dead in one of the original versions of the musical, but it ain’t canon. There aren’t any fetuses floating around the Netherworld. Maybe they go someplace else?” He shrugged, spreading his hands. “I got nothing.” 

Out of habit (not because she actually needed to breathe), Barbara sighed in relief. Thank God, was her first thought, despite having a pretty good idea that God didn’t exist. She let of of Adam’s hand, giving him a small smile.

“Why do you wanna know?” Beetlejuice asked.

Barbara shared another look with Adam before saying, “When I was 22, I got pregnant.” She cleared her throat. She hadn’t talked about this in years.

Beetlejuice didn’t like silences. Immediately, he said, “Quit pulling my leg. If you were pregnant, then where’s your—”

It took a few moments, but his eyes finally widened and his jaw dropped. “Oh. Ohhhh. I didn’t think…” His hands began flapping, then running up and down his sleeves and fiddling with his cuffs. “So we’re bringing in some of the movie backstory. Okay. Okay. Sure.”

“The what?” Adam asked.

“Nevermind. So you guys had a miscarriage.”

“An abortion, actually,” Barbara said.

Beetlejuice stopped bobbing faintly, freezing in mid-air. His voice rose in pitch as he said, “I saw the tags on this fic and I assumed you’d be hurt/comforting me! I’m the one with all the issues! Who the hell told you that you guys could have issues?!” 

“What now?” Barbara said, forcing her tone to stay even. 

“And also, our lives weren’t perfect,” Adam said. “I just want to remind you that both of my parents are dead. So…yeah. When we were alive, we had struggles and challenges like everybody else.”

Beetlejuice began coughing. He stuck his fingers in his mouth, eventually pulling out a foot and tossing it on the ground. (Barbara had learned not to ask whose foot.) “Um. Can I try again?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Feel free.”

Beetlejuice opened and closed his mouth a few times, but didn’t say anything.

Adam said, “Just so you know, Bug, this isn’t something to share.” Beetlejuice was a compulsive oversharer; they’d learned to explicitly tell him what was appropriate and what wasn’t.

“It’s not because we’re ashamed,” Barbara said quickly. “It’s just our story to tell, that’s all.”

“Right! I can do that.” He focused on something in the middle distance. “Although maybe some people could really examine their need to inject complicated real-world issues into a stupid five-page fic for Beetlelands Week. Not every fandom and every fic can bear that weight! And some characters definitely aren’t designed to deal with shit like this! They’re awesome Deadpool-style badasses and not…not…whatever this needs!”

Barbara loved Beetlejuce, but he was getting on her last nerve. I didn’t think he’d completely disassociate like this. It’s only a goddamn abortion. He didn’t even have to deal with anything! “Well, I’m sorry my and Adam’s history is such an inconvenience for you. I’m going to go find something to do. If you want to talk when you’re not spiraling and doing whatever this is, come find me.”

Barbara teleported to their bedroom, the Deetzes’ former guest room, upstairs, and Adam teleported with her.

Tears wavered in his eyes. Startled, she held him, stroking his back.

“Sorry,” he murmured.

“No, don’t be.”

He sniffled a few times, wiping his tears away. Their ghostly bodies still remembered how to produce tears, and if Beetlejuice was any indication, that memory would stick with them for centuries. He whispered, “We would’ve had a child. If it weren’t for me—”

Adam had always felt needless guilt about mentioning the abortion first. She’d thought he’d gotten over it. “You didn’t force me. We had student loans, the recession had just hit the year before, we couldn’t find work, and most importantly? We weren’t ready. We were barely ready 10 years later, when we had a house and good jobs.”

He smiled sadly, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t know where this is coming from.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

She blinked. “I’m…fine? I’ve been fine for 10 years.” She hadn’t been fine immediately before and after the abortion. There’d been lots of crying, praying, and long conversations, but that had been a long time ago. Gently, she asked, “I thought you were, too. Was I wrong?”

When did we really talk about it except immediately after? Barbara couldn’t recall.

Adam gave her that same distracted smile he used to give her after his parents’ funeral. He was a brave little soldier, marching forward. “You weren’t wrong. I’m fine.”

You didn’t push when you saw that smile. “I think I’m going to read something. Want to join me?”

“I wouldn’t mind working on the model a bit more. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” She kissed his cheek, and he went up to the attic to work on his model of Winter River.

She was choosing between Michelle Obama’s biography a polyamory how-to guide when a spider skittered underneath the door. The spider climbed up the wall then began spinning a web in the corner of the room at unnatural speed. Letters appeared in the web.

SORRY

I WAS A BAD BOYFRIEND

It’s a Charlotte’s Web homage, Barbara realized. She’d loved that book as a child. He remembered. “Apology accepted, Beetlejuice.”

He knocked on the door. Opening it revealed him reading from index cards. Delia, who was using her life coach skills to help Beetlejuice adjust to being part of the family, had encouraged him to write down important things.

“I should have reacted a lot better than I did,” Beetlejuice read. “You and Adam trusted me with with a part of your lives, and I should have liz—lizden? Shit, I’m bad at spelling.” He looked up from the cards, rocking back and forth on his feet. “Anyway, thanks for trusting me, baby. Sorry I was being a dick about it. You and Adam having an—an abortion had nothing to do with me or my feelings.”

Beetlejuice could talk about the filthiest sex acts and talk about rotting corpses without flinching, but now he was stumbling. Interesting. “Well, ‘we had an abortion’ might’ve been a lot to throw at you. We could’ve prepared you better.” She nodded him inside, and he floated in. She closed the door behind her. “I imagine abortions weren’t really talked about in your day.”

“Well, we thought ladies’ wombs wandered around their bodies, so…no.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“Um…are you okay?” He fidgeted. “You’re all…y’know, motherly and shit. Are you sad about having an abortion?”

“No. I mean, I don’t love that I needed it. Adam and I were a lot more careful making love after that, believe me. But Adam and my family had my back, and luckily I live in a state where I can access an abortion easily. I also found some forums, and chatting with people who’d also had abortions helped me feel less alone. Honestly, until Lydia brought up miscarriages today, I hadn’t thought about my abortion in years.” Feeling awkward, she chuckled. “Um, really glad I won’t have to deal with a clump of cells following me around in the Netherworld, though.”

She felt a twinge of guilt for not feeling guiltier. Her Good Christian Girl upbringing still reared its head now and then. But I did what was best for my family at the time. That’s all anyone can do. If I’d known Adam and I were going to die 10 years later, we might’ve done things differently, but how could we have known that?

“So, that’s my story. I was supported and very lucky. I’m not sad or guilty or anything.” She frowned. “Adam might be, though. He was strangely upset.” Did I do something wrong? Has he been suffering for years without me noticing? “He’s upstairs working on the model again.”

“I’ll cheer him up!” Beetlejuice said. He clapped his hands together. “It’s hurt/comfort. Time to be goddamn comforted, Adam.”

“I’d give him a few hours.” Adam was a brooder. There was a certain point where he just wouldn’t engage.

Beetlejuice chuckled, patting her smarmily on the head. “Your boring, married-couple rules don’t apply to me, Babs. I’mma shake things up and heal his wounded heart. You can come up and watch, if you want. Watch me win.”

Barbara made herself laugh as she tried to ignore her jealousy. Beetlejuice was just being his usual low-grade dickish self, but what if he was right? Maybe Adam will respond better to Beetlejuice than to me. I didn’t expect Adam to be this sad, after all. What else have I missed? “If you succeed, feel free to come back and give me a play-by-play of your victory.”

Beetlejuice poofed away, and Barbara picked up the how-to guide to polyamory. It couldn’t help to get a refresher.

If Beetlejuice made Adam feel better, then that was a win for everyone. She could ask him how he’d done it and learn from him. The entire point of dating Beetlejuice was to break out of their old patterns and add a little excitement to their afterlives.  

Barbara was lying down on their bed, reading the first chapter when Beetlejuice teleported back in.

“You mighta been right,” he grumbled.

“It’s almost like I’ve been dating him since I was 16.”

“Of course you were high school sweethearts. You two are so cliché, I blocked that out.” Beetlejuice floated closer, whining, “Sexy raised his voice to me, Barbara!”

Barbara set the book down. “Oh, I’m sorry, Bug.” That was the Adam equivalent of full-blown shouting. (Adam had shouted at Beetlejuice before, of course, but that was when Beetlejuice had been a villain.)

“Me! The favourite!”

Barbara raised her eyebrows. “Maybe you should read this chapter with me about egalitarian polyamorous relationships—and how terms like ‘favourite’ are toxic.”

Beetlejuice floated away from her. “Mmm, nope, too many things to do.”

She’d expected that. It wasn’t clear when Beetlejuice had died, but it was definitely before therapy and couple’s counselling had become more mainstream. He didn’t have the same ability to talk about and reflect on his and other’s feelings that Barbara and Adam had. Usually, he just reacted to his own. Barbara wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with Beetlejuice if she’d been unwilling to teach him.

“Lemme know when he’s ready to talk, okay?” the demon continued.

“Well, I don’t have a psychic link to him, but I’ll try…if you read this chapter with me.”

Beetlejuice crossed his arms over his chest, harrumphing. After a few moments, he shrugged, floated over to the bed, and curled up beside her.

If her eyes could water, they might have at the smell of rotting flesh. But Barbara quickly got used to the smell. “Let me guess—your clones poked around and didn’t find anything else interesting happening right now?”

“Ha! Busted! Delia, Lydia and Charles are still arguing about vaccines. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Making out with you is way more fun.”

“We’re learning how to have a more equitable, communicative relationship. Not making out.”

“We’ll see, baby.”

*

They approached Adam later that afternoon.              

He looked up from a figurine he was painting, expression guilty. “I’ll come down when it’s time for dinner, okay?” he said quietly. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Is there anything we can do for you now?” Barbara asked.

He looked between Barbara and Beetlejuice. His eyes were so haunted…. Barbara took a few steps forward.

“Adam?” she said softly.

“You said we weren’t ready,” he murmured roughly. “What if we would’ve been? We never even gave ourselves the chance….”

He showed her what he’d been working on: a little child figurine with her blonde hair. “There would’ve been part of you and me living now. Someone with your hair and my eyes, or your smile….”

Okay. We haven’t talked about the abortion in years, and now he’s making a model of what would have become our child. So, this is new. But I can handle this. I know him. I’ve got this.

Nevertheless, a tiny part of her really wanted to tag out and let Beetlejuice handle this one. Not that he would’ve done well—he was frozen except for his eyes, frantically flicking between her and Adam.

While Barbara thought of the most empathetic, respectful way to respond, Beetlejuice blurted out, “Someone’s got a case of the Shouldas.”

“Hmm?” Adam grunted, looking uninterested.

“You know, shoulda done this when I was alive. Shoulda done that. Every newlydead goes through it. Of course, usually they’re stuck in an endless void and not chilling in the living world with their sexy boyfriend.” Beetlejuice nodded to Barbara. “And your sexy wife.”

So he had learned something from that chapter they’d read together. Barbara gave him a small smile. “How do newlydeads usually get through it?” she asked.

“‘Get through’ is real optimistic, Babs. They just get crushed by overwhelming despair and hopelessness. It’s the Netherworld. Everything sucks there.”

Adam grunted again.

Beetlejuice rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I can’t really talk about ‘healing’ and shit….” He gestured frantically for Barbara to do something.

One thing about spending so much time with Beetlejuice was that you got used to out-of-the box thinking. It was time for a little experiment. Barbara didn’t give herself time to think, and dove right in.

“Congratulations, Maitlands.” She made air horn noises. The words ‘The Life We Never Had’ appeared in bright text above the model town. “Welcome to your life where you had your child!”

Adam and Beetlejuice both stared at her in stunned silence.

“This got so dark, so fast, but I kinda love it,” Beetlejuice commented.

“Well,” she said, “first of all, forget this house. We’d probably be living with your parents. They don’t even live in town.” She took a few moments to create a mental map, then gestured at the model. It grew larger, to the surrounding counties. Adam’s family farm was on the outskirts of this new map.

“And forget the CPA degree. No way we can afford that now. But your uncle Eddy has that plumbing business. He’d probably give you a job.” She manifested Eddy’s truck, making it drive through town. “I’d probably knit and sell things on Etsy…. Wait, it’s 2010. Does Etsy even exist?” Barbara couldn’t remember. “Or I’d sell them at the local farmer’s market. We probably still love our projects, even if we don’t have as much time for them now.”

Barbara could’ve gone darker. In this future, she would’ve been stuck in Adam’s parents’ home with no career prospects and a baby she wasn’t sure she wanted. If anything was a recipe for postpartum depression, that would’ve been. But she kept it light.

“Oh, jeez,” she realized, “I forgot all about names! What do you think of Aspen?” Barbara had always wanted a nature-themed name.

“It has the word ‘Ass’ in it,” Beetlejuice complained. “Do you want bullies to give your kid swirlies?”

“You’re not here, mister. You don’t get a say.”

“Hey, that’s right! We never meet if you don’t move into the house.” Beetlejuice frowned. “Truly, this is the darkest timeline.”

“What about River?” Adam said. “For our child.”

“River. That’s beautiful. Okay, so little River goes to school here.” She gestured to the school in town. “What do you think? Good grades?”

“Of course.”

“And then you guys commit crimes!” Beetlejuice interrupted.

Barbara raised her eyebrows.

“What? Boring people commit crimes all the time and become awesome. Weeds? Breaking Bad?”

“I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t.”

“Argh, fine, I was just getting bored of all this slice-of-life shit. Let’s spice things up!”

“Ooo, maybe we solve crimes? Like a cozy mystery set in rural Connecticut.”

“Committing them is way more fun, but I’ll take anything at this point. Your ideal lives are so boring! River’s gonna do meth just to feel alive!”

“They might fall in with a bad crowd in high school,” Barbara said.

“Thank you! A little conflict, please. It’s the essence of drama!”

“But we’d be there for them,” Adam said. “Hmm. Mom and Dad would still die, I suppose. I’d probably disappoint my Maitland ancestors and sell the farm.”

Barbara watched him intently. He wasn’t smiling, but he seemed a bit more engaged than he had been.

“We could move into one of the homes here,” she suggested, nodding to one of the small houses on the outside of town.

“That’s gonna really suck for you when the zombies attack,” Beetlejuice said.

Barbara kept making up their fake life, with Adam chiming in every now and then, both of them trying to ignore Beetlejuice’s input. They tried to give River a nice life, with a full-ride scholarship to NYU (which was, coincidentally, Lydia’s dream school), lots of friends, and a home that may not be full of money but was full of love.

Eventually, Adam smiled and shook his head. “Thanks for playing dolls with me, guys.”

Barbara hugged him from behind. “If you need time to mourn, take all the time you need. Beetlejuice and I are here for you.”

Adam wiped some tears from his eyes. “I think I do. Sorry, sweetie. Sometimes all the things we never got to do…they just hit me, hard. Even things I’d made peace with long ago. I spent so much of my life worrying….”

Barbara moved to stand beside him, kissing his cheek. If she could’ve made him feel warm, she would have.

Beetlejuice was spaced out, staring into the middle distance. Thinking of his own Shouldas, maybe? Nah. He never looks back unless he’s trapped in a traumatic memory about his mother. Probably wondering when we can make out again.

She nodded him over, and he blinked, coming back to the present. Hesitantly, he floated over and rested his chin on Adam’s head.

They were both still and silent, two things Beetlejuice hated, so it wasn’t surprising when a horde of centipedes skittered across the model, or a tiny King Kong grabbed a figurine and climbed up to the top of the town bell tower, roaring.

Lydia interrupted them when she she poked her head into the attic and told them dinner was ready. “And the leftovers will be stored in glass containers—if you leave us any leftovers, Beej. Delia cleared the cupboard of all plastics. Don’t worry about the baby, either. If Delia continues to believe tea tree oil can cure pneumonia or whatever, Dad and I will get the kid vaccinated when she’s not around.”

Barbara smiled at her chosen daughter. Beetlejuice was right; they weren’t stuck in the lonely void of the Netherworld. There was life and family just downstairs. “I’m glad. But I’m sure we’ll be able to convince her otherwise. We have nine months.”

“You’re more optimistic than I am, Barbara.”

Adam put the River figurine with the smattering of other children outside the grade school. “Let’s go,” he said quietly.

The three of them followed Lydia to the dinner table.

[jubilantwriter]

The 1Kake Special

[Context/Summary: Jasper tries his hand at baking and streaming at the same time, and it really shouldn’t be taking him a few hours to make some batter, but boy howdy is he taking a few hours to make some batter.]

////

It's the 1k special, and Jasper’s using his laptop webcam to try out this live streaming business.  It’s a lot of set up, a lot of cursing, and by the time he’s got it all up and running, he swears he could have made at least three other cakes in the meantime.  However, this 1k Cake Special Livestream wouldn’t be special if he wasn’t streaming it, so now here he stands, mixing around some batter that he managed to whip up from scratch.  During the whole fumbling, long process, he’s been taking time to pause and take questions from his fans to answer - or rather, the one fan who he’s really familiar with by now.  

It’s with a certain kind of fondness that he sees that familiar old username with a pine tree for an icon pop up, and CampChamo96 asks him, "Why are you so nice to the Pale Man?" Jasper pauses in his motions, staring at the question for a little longer before he smiles genuinely, just a bit away from the webcam like he doesn't even notice the smile gracing his features.

"I dunno, dudes," he says outloud, resuming his mixing as he whisks some batter around.  "It just feels right, y'know?"

The chat buzzes with excitement before another question from CampChamo96 catches his attention.

"Isn't he a monster?"

Jasper pauses again, brows furrowed together as he frowns.

"...Not really.   To be honest," he pours the batter into a cake tin as a rustling by his window announces an entrance, "if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be making these videos right now."

He remembers a big hand gently petting his head as he laid face down on the cement of his backyard.  How comforting that hand felt when he believed he wouldn't be offered a comfort like that for years to come.  It's hard to remember if he imagined himself crying, or if he really did cry that day.

A single tap on the window makes him look up, and he smiles.

"Anyway, so like, once the batter is done, stick it in the oven for like, uhh 30 minutes? It'll probably be overcooked to be honest, but like, ovens are wack and sometimes the shittier ones take longer to make raw eggs in batter become something that isn't salmonella."  He pops the cake tin into the oven and sets it, turning back to wave at his audience.  "And that's it for now.  Tune back in after like, 25 minutes where I burn my hand trying to check on this cake."  With a two finger salute, he turns off the camcorder and puts a temporary end to the livestream.  Another tap draws him over to his window, and he opens it with a grin.

"Heya, Pale Man."

"...Jasper."

"Cake is still baking, mind giving it a few?"

"Of course."

Jasper reaches out and cups the Pale Man's face, stroking his cheek gently as the entity leans into his touch with a soft rumble of contentment.  "So when are you gonna tell me your name, bud?"

The Pale Man nuzzles into his palm before blinking his bright, glowing eyes at Jasper slowly.  "...Why?"

"How else am I supposed to sign your birthday cake?"

"It's not my birthday."

"Fine, your not-birthday. It's cake! Everyone loves cake. And I need to sign your not-birthday cake with your name, if you'd be so kind."

The Pale Man leans into the window as Jasper lowers his hand, bonking his forehead against Jasper's affectionately.  For a moment, the Pale Man hums softly, thinking to himself, before saying ever so hesitantly, "...Daniel?"

Jasper laughs and bonks back.  "It's your name, dude, I don't decide it for you."

"...Daniel."  The Pale Man blinks before smiling widely with the same amount of giddiness a little child would have with making a new friend.  "You can call me Daniel!"

"Daniel."  Jasper rolls the name around on his tongue, savoring the syllables and memorizing the sound of it.  "I love it, excellent choice in name, my guy."

The Pale Man- no, Daniel hums in approval and looks towards the oven.  "Cake?"

Jasper ruffles his blonde, soft hair.  "Soon, Danny.  Just give it a few."

[mxliv-oftheendless]

The Mysterious Disappearance of Heather McMann

I have... no explanation for this story lol. Well, actually I do: I was thinking about how Heather quit the band, and I suddenly thought about how in the eyes of the general public, that have no idea of who she really is or what really happened, this would be incredibly weird. And since I’ve been Buzzfeed Unsolved trash for a while now, this made me consider the possibility of there being an Unsolved video about Heather. And... that’s how this came into being lol. It also serves as a way for me to figure out Heather’s Earth timeline a little. Enjoooy! 

Commentary text:

Ryan

Shane

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[camera opens on Ryan and Shane sitting at their desk in their office set]

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we take a look at the case of Heather McMann, a former member of the band KISS who played with the band for only three years before disappearing without a trace. This will also be the first time we look at a case involving a famous rock band.”

Shane nods. “Very famous. KISS—everybody knows KISS.”

“Yeah. Honestly, they’re not my preferred type of music, but I did listen to some of their songs while doing my research, and they’re pretty good.”

“They’re very good! I mean they’re pretty iconic, I think. I will say, though, I have never heard of Heather McMann.”

“Not many people have. She’s kind of this forgotten fifth member of KISS.”

“Well, I’m interested. Let’s hear about it, Ryan.” [Ryan opens his case file, and the camera cuts to the slideshow. Music begins as Ryan narrates]

“In 1980, KISS was beginning to rapidly decline in popularity. Although they still had a massive fanbase, they were facing problems. The original drummer, Peter Criss, had left the band after filming the music videos for the singles off their album Unmasked, and was replaced by Eric Carr. In following KISS tradition of having makeup and a stage identity, Eric Carr became the Fox, replacing Peter, who had been the Catman.”

yeah this was the thing that always interested me about KISS, that they had these alter egos and their heavy makeup

yeah that’s

it’s very cool

you don’t usually hear about a band going that extra mile ever

“Remaining KISS members Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, and Ace Frehley decided to introduce Eric Carr as their new drummer during their television appearance on the show Kids Are People Too. And it was also on Kids Are People Too that they would surprise everyone, by introducing their recently-added fifth member, Heather McMann.” [with narration: stock footage of Heather McMann in full costume stepping out onstage, smiling and waving as she goes to sit with the band]

they introduced her, and no one knew it was going to happen?

yeah. the way it happened was, they brought out Eric Carr, the Fox, and then they were suddenly like, “there’s one other person we need to introduce.” and then they brought out Heather McMann.

oh. that’s kinda cool. did she have a stage persona?

yeah, she did. hers was the Black Dahlia.

nice. reminds me of the murder.

it probably reminded a lot of people of the murder

“The unexpected introduction of a fifth member came as a shock to the music world, as well as the KISS Army. Their inclusion of a fifth member, who also happened to be a woman, quickly received criticism from fans. An article of Rolling Stone on the event said, quote, “This will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back for the KISS Army. First KISS turns to disco for their album Dynasty, then pop rock for Unmasked, then Peter Criss either quits or is kicked out, and now they introduce two new members at once, one of whom is a girl. KISS has made many blunders, but this is by far the worst. It is the opinion of this author that KISS will be long gone within five years.” End quote.”

now that’s a bunch of bullshit.

eheheheh, I know.

“oh no! a woman is playing rock music! she’s insane! this is the end for KISS!”

hahahahahahaha

joke’s on that guy, ‘cause KISS has been around for how long now?

over forty years, I think

thought so. get rekt, asshole.

“Though, KISS mostly ignored the criticism, and regardless of it, Heather McMann was introduced into KISS as the Black Dahlia, their self-appointed “harmony guitarist.”

I didn’t even know “harmony guitarist” was a thing

heheh, yeah, neither did I

that’s kinda cool

but it is indeed a thing

“While on the Unmasked tour, Heather would work well with the band. Fans who went to shows on the tour felt that the band’s sound was enhanced with Heather playing with them. One fan said, quote, “I’ll admit I was on the fence about Heather being in the band. But the show was amazing. Her harmony playing mixed in with the rest gave the sound something extra that I really liked. It was mind-blowing.” End quote. Also observed was the close friendship of Heather McMann and Paul Stanley. Though many gossip magazines would claim they were romantically involved, both friends denied the claims, sometimes even laughing outright at them. [screen shows footage from an interview, of Paul Stanley and Heather McMann in makeup, laughing together]

Stanley himself said of McMann, quote, “She’s one of my oldest and best friends. We’re practically siblings. I really think that if Heather hadn’t been there to encourage me and my music, there would be no KISS.” End quote.”

gotta be honest, it’s pretty great that they were such good friends

yeah that’s really sweet

it is

are they still best friends?

well I don’t know, because she disappeared

oh yeah (wheeze) I forgot about that

you were so wrapped up in how lovely their friendship was

(wheeze) that for a moment I forgot what we were doing here

heheheheh

“Other than Stanley, many others who knew McMann described her as a friendly, likeable person. Gene Simmons once described her as, quote, “an incredible woman who will call you out and then help you be better,” end quote. Ace Frehley has praised her as well, saying, quote, “She’s the kinda woman who’ll say she’s okay even when she’s great, but then bash you over the head with her guitar if you give her any bullshit. She’s a force to be reckoned with.” end quote. Heather McMann would play with KISS for their Unmasked tour, and was reportedly also a guitar player on their 1981 album, Music of the Elder. Though KISS made many promotional appearances for the album, McMann included, in the end, there was no tour for it.”

why wasn’t there a tour for it?

it did really bad. like really super fucking bad.

oh

like, it tanked

is it that bad?

I dunno, I’ve never listened to it.

we should listen to it after this

“Ace Frehley would leave the band in 1982 while they recorded their next album, Creatures of the Night, and although he appears in all promotional aspects, he didn’t actually play on the album itself. Most of the guitar playing on the album was done by McMann and Vinnie Vincent, who joined the band as their new lead guitarist and adopted the persona of the Ankh Warrior.”

if he wasn’t on the album then why did they do that?

I don’t

seems like a waste of time, honestly

I don’t know. maybe his contract had something to do with it… I really don’t know.

weird decision to make

“It was during the Creatures tour that McMann began to show out of the ordinary behavior. During interviews, she would be completely quiet and not say a word unless prompted to. Paul Stanley would often sit beside her and try to engage her in the interview. People who encountered her often said she looked troubled about something, even depressed. She would also stay off to the side during shows, and according to online accounts would actively try to stay out of photographs. Heather would play with KISS as the Black Dahlia on the Creatures tour up until February 23rd, 1983, when KISS played a show at Cobo Arena in Detroit, Michigan. And then, Heather McMann was never seen or heard from again.”

she didn’t even last until the end of the tour?

nope, she did not

I mean they’re just asking us to investigate this at this point

(wheeze) they might as well just hold up a sign that says INVESTIGATE US

HEY GHOUL BOYS, WE’VE GOT A MYSTERY FOR YA

hahahaha

I love it

but in all seriousness, it is very odd to just drop out of the band you’re in halfway through a tour

yeah, Ryan, it is very odd

“Since Heather McMann was only a member of KISS for three short years, and since no one has ever seen or heard any sign of her, she has since her disappearance fell into obscurity. However, that being said, there are many debated theories on what happened to the former member of the hottest band in the world. The first theory is that Heather McMann suffered a mental breakdown, quit the band, dropped out of the public eye so she could recuperate, and simply never came back. Proponents of this theory point to her odd behavior during interviews while on the Creatures tour, and how she seemed troubled and depressed about something. According to one source, during the night when KISS was staying in their hotel in Syracuse, New York, a cleaning lady was walking down the hallway when she encountered McMann, who was, quote, “sitting out in the hallway with her face buried in her knees, looking like she’d been crying,” end quote. The cleaning lady also claimed Stanley was outside with her, with an arm around her shoulders and appearing to be comforting her. Though, this is from a known tabloid magazine, in the context of them claiming McMann had been dumped by a supposed boyfriend, so take this was an enormous grain of salt.”

regardless of whether or not this theory is true, it is nice that Paul was willing to comfort his best friend like that

yeah that is very nice of him

that’s a true friend right there

like the saying goes, “if you don’t love me at my worst, you can’t love me at my best”

deep

yeah, I know

“That being said, however, critics of this theory point out how, when she was engaged in conversation and when she was onstage with the band, McMann behaved normally. The second theory is that Heather was fired. Proponents of this theory cite her odd behavior during the Creatures tour, and how she would appear to get into arguments with the other band members onstage. Footage recorded of the show in Atlanta shows Heather in the background with Vinnie Vincent, seemingly in a heated discussion. People also point to the story of how, a week before the show that would be Heather’s last public appearance with the band, she and Paul Stanley had a violent argument, yelling back and forth at each other and even insulting one another. People claim that this argument and her odd behavior supports the possibility that Heather was simply fired, and out of respect to the band decided to never appear again.”

wait, what? the best friends were arguing?

yeah, apparently they were

aw man… that’s no fun

“Though, this theory has been criticized, with many people pointing out how these alleged “arguments” cannot be confirmed as such, and that Heather’s behavior could also be simply pressure from the long and intense touring. Accounts of her argument with Paul Stanley also vary in what happened, and were mostly found in tabloid magazines. This theory is also criticized by members Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, who have both individually stated that Heather parted ways with them on good terms. Of the argument, Stanley said, quote, “There was yelling and there were insults. But the idea that it has anything to do with why Heather left is not true. The fact is, she didn’t want to be a burden, she couldn’t be in the band anymore, and asked us if she could quit. And while it was sad to see her leave, it’s what she wanted to do, and I would never make her stay when she wanted to leave.” End quote.”

I can see why people would believe this theory

yeah it definitely is a solid theory

also because from what I could gather, KISS seems to have a history of ambiguous departures

ambiguous how?

well you’ve got Peter Criss, Ace Frehley, and Vinnie Vincent, who all left one after the other, and either they were kicked out or they quit. it’s unclear what actually happened.

you mean like one person’s like “they were kicked out” but then another one’s like “they quit”?

yeah it’s like that

I suppose that’s true. my only hang-up here is that she seemed to get along so well with all of them.

yeah, if she got along so well with all of them, it doesn’t make sense for her to suddenly be fired

they probably would’ve been willing to work with her to figure out any problems, instead of just straight-up firing her

“The third theory is that Heather continued to tour with the band, even after she quit. Former roadies of KISS claim that throughout the 80s, up until 1988, there was a woman with long blonde hair travelling around with the band. One of these roadies stated in a KISS Army forum, quote, “She was a woman who looked like she was in her early thirties, with long blonde hair. She would volunteer to help us load in or load out equipment, and some of us would see her hanging out with the band backstage. One time I even saw her watching from backstage. None of us ever learned her name, because she would always answer with, “It’s not important.”” End quote. There are also pictures from the 80s of a blonde woman interacting with the band. Many people think she was simply a groupie, or a girlfriend/wife of one of the members. Others, however, think that perhaps this woman is Heather McMann.”

I don’t believe this theory

why not?

because it just—if I’m a person who was in a band, and then quit for whatever reason, I’m not gonna continue to travel around with them. I’m not homeless. it doesn’t make sense for her to travel around with them.

that is true. it doesn’t make sense that she would do that.

no, it doesn’t.

then again, it also doesn’t make sense that she would disappear halfway through a tour.

(wheeze) well I guess that’s also true

“The fourth theory is ridiculous.”

hahahahahahahah

hahahaha

right out the gate, you say it’s a ridiculous theory, that’s great

well it’s a pretty fucking ridiculous theory. even for the internet, it’s a pretty ridiculous theory.

well keep in mind, people on the internet believe lizard people exist and that Tupac is still alive

well that’s true

“A handful of fans on the Internet have supported the theory that Heather McMann, as well as all the other members of KISS, are superpowered intergalactic beings who came to Earth to form KISS. According to this theory, Heather McMann is really a witch as she claimed to be, and that she left KISS to return to their true home, which explains why she seemed to disappear without a trace. Now, as to my opinion of this theory? No fucking way.”

yeah, no shit.

(wheeze) it’s so stupid. this theory would only be believable in one of their comic books.

KISS had comic books?!

(wheeze) yeah, they did. they’ve got a ton of weird merchandise.

I mean I knew that, everyone knows about the KISS merch, but comic books?! (wheeze) they know their brand.

hahahahahahah

also, did you say she claimed to be a witch?

yeah, their thing is they have these backstories for their personas. hers was that she was a witch from an intergalactic coven.

I mean… that’s kinda cool. but maybe she shouldn’t have said that

(wheeze)

if it’s going to make people on the internet say “she’s an intergalactic being who went back home to her home planet… Jupiter!”

hahahahaha

what is this, Jupiter Ascending? c’mon now

“Although she was only in KISS for a short period of time, Heather McMann’s mysterious and unexpected departure continues to confound members of the KISS Army. Though Heather McMann has been forgotten by the world, save dedicated KISS fans, many questions still remain: who was the woman fans knew as the Black Dahlia? Why did she suddenly leave the band? And why has she never been seen since? For now, and perhaps forever, these questions will remain… UNSOLVED.”

WHAT UNSOLVED MYSTERY DO YOU WANT TO SEE NEXT?

[we cut back to Ryan and Shane in the office set]

“Final verdict,” Ryan asks, “which one do you think it is?”

“I definitely think the first theory is the most plausible. The rest just don’t make sense.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Though I’m still not certain about the third theory…”

“I still love the fact that she and Paul Stanley were such good friends.”

“Yeah, that is really nice.”

“They were bros,”

“Yeah. Well, Heather, if you’re watching this…”

“Ya got us! We’re stumped. We don’t have a clue what happened to you.”

“Also KISS, if you’re watching this, hope we didn’t offend you in any way.”

“Yeah, that too. I think I’ll go listen to some KISS, actually. They’re a good band.”

“They are a good band. I’ll go listen to some KISS with you.”

“They are, after all, the hottest band in the world.”

-KISSTERIA-

“No, Gene, I’m serious, get on YouTube and put in ‘buzzfeed unsolved’. It’s a new episode, it should be at the top. I swear I’m not making this up!... Did you find it? Okay. Watch it, then call me back. Okay. See you later.”

Paul got off the phone and went over to Heather’s couch, where she was sitting and grinning widely at her laptop, which had been set up on the coffee table. On the screen was the most recent episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, entitled “The Mysterious Disappearance of Heather McMann.”

“Now, as to my opinion of this theory? No fucking way.”

Heather burst out laughing, falling back on her couch. “Did you—Did you hear that?” she guffawed. “That’s so funny…”

“What’s so funny?”

Heather sat up and rewound the video while Paul sat down next to her.

“A handful of fans on the Internet have supported the theory that Heather McMann, as well as all the other members of KISS, are superpowered intergalactic beings who came to Earth to form KISS. According to this theory…”

Paul’s eyes went wide. “What?!”

Heather giggled. “I know, right?”

Paul shot to his feet. “I need to call Gene.”

“No.” Heather’s hand shot out and grabbed his sleeve. “You don’t need to call Gene. Sit down, and watch the video.”

“If they legitimately think this theory has enough merit to go into their video, then that means we have a problem,” Paul argued.

Heather snorted. “It really doesn’t, Paul. You all have been claiming you’re intergalactic beings since you formed KISS, and no one, apart from fanfic writers on the Internet, has taken you seriously. Relax. Do you want me to rewind the video so you can watch it?”

Paul was silent for a moment, then sighed and sat back down. “Fine…”

Smiling, Heather paused the video and rewound to the beginning. When Velma had messaged her about the video, she’d admittedly been apprehensive of watching it at first. But as she watched the video, her enjoyment of it only rose.

They would no doubt have a postmortem for this episode, Heather thought to herself. She smiled as she wondered what would happen if she got a YouTube account and left a little comment for the boys to read…

[scarletnerd05]

10 Questions game

Rules: Answer 10 questions, come up with 10 questions, and tag 10 people

Okay, my lovely @dreamsofbrightstars thank you for the tag. This is different :D

1. If you have any pets, why did you name them what you did?

I have a cat, he is my baby boy and he is called Domino, and is so because he’s black and white and i dunno, went through a few different names but once i thought of that one, it just seemed right. 

2. The last movie you watched: how did it make you feel afterwards?

The Lone Ranger (2013) and, i know it had its serious moments/themes, but any time Johnny Depp and that horse had a scene together, i was crying with laughter. Overall, by the end, i was in a good mood.

3. If you could be anywhere but here, where would it be?

Ooh we talking a fictional place or real?  Ooh you got me imagining now.

For somewhere real, maybe a private island. Somewhere i could watch the Aurora Borealis and see the stars at night. Big enough for all my family to have their own spaces but also somewhere we could be together, with a pool, a home theatre, snooker table. But also somewhere with good internet haha.

4. What was your favorite part of today?

Getting into bed, with a good fic queued up to read, snuggled under the covers, sorry didn’t read the question right and answered my favourite part of the day, not just today

5. Have you recently done anything “out of character”?

Read less? but i blame this website lol. But i guess, comment on fics, send in prompts and stuff. Until a little while i never had the nerve but for a little while now i’ve been trying to do better.

6. If you had to adopt A Look for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Ooh if i had the confidence, money and body? lol. But if it was something i’m adopting for life? well got to go for comfort there. Maybe some Aladdin style pants, a nice top, maybe even a cardigan if it’s chilly :D

7. A concert you would never go to even if the tickets were free.

Hmm, i don’t really think i’d be too excited to go to a concert with Screaming type music. But if the tickets are free? you never know

8. If we were to meet up in your hometown, where would you take me? (No need to give ultra-specific answers; stay comfortable)

Typical tourist stuff i guess? Buckingham Palace, St Pauls Cathedral, The Shard. Maybe a boat ride down the Thames.

9. What potion from the HP universe would you want to try?

100% Felix Felicis, no doubt. I don’t know what goal i would set out to achieve, but to have something help me along to the perfect day, well, yes please

10. What food are you craving right now?

Oreo milkshake, Not exactly food but i just ate so i’m not so much craving food right now :)

After answering all these questions i realise i was only meant to answer @dreamsofbrightstars questions and ask my own (face meet palm) SO here i go again lol

1. If you could instantly be fluent in 3 additional languages, which languages would you choose?

Oh, i studied french in school but did nothing with it in the years since and forgot a lot, so French definitely, Spanish and i don’t know, Cat language? lol

2. What’s your current favorite song lyric?

Oh this is too difficult to answer, too many songs, one that’s running through my head right now is Toss a coin to your Witcher o’ Valley of Plenty

3. Does your family have any secret recipes?

Don’t think so, but then again i am not the one who would know. Very much not a cook

4. If you had to dye your hair a color that is not typically a natural hair color, what color would you choose?

Midnight blue, metallic purple maybe?

5. What is something you’d love to learn how to do?

Oh i would love to learn how to play Piano, maybe Violin. Or draw. So many skills, Such untalented hands haha

6. What book are you reading? (Or last thing you read?)

Multiple Fics every day, the one i most recently finished was Intermediary my @dragongoddess13 and Round and Round with the Starks by Newgirl18

7. With no context, what’s something specific you’d really like to say to someone but probably never will?

Hi, i would really like it if we could get to know each other

8. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

I wouldn’t change it. I’d years trying to decide on something and then the rest of my life forgetting to respond to it :p

9. Art, music, dance: which one would you most like to excel at?

Music definitely. Though Art is a close second.

10. Tell me about your best friend!

Met her around 12 years old, she’s moved quite far away now but i know if i needed her, i could still just call up.

And my questions:

1) If you could become an animal, would it be Land, Air or Sea?

2) If you could have control of one element? which would you pick?

3) What fictional world would you live in if you could. And why?

4) If you had the chance, would you want to explore space, or the ocean?

5) If you could be famous for something, what would that be?

6) What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

7) What power would you like if you was a mutant?

8) What mildly annoying thing would you want the power to curse people with? 

9) What is one/some of your pet peeves?

10) If you was given 1000 acres of land. What would you do with it?

Tagging: @blushingbarnes   @jgvfhl   @littlemrscookie  @ivegotmerlinandmusicals   @sneetchstar   @deathcomeswithakiss @grimeysociety  @mr-geraskier  @imweakmylove   @fishoutofcamelot

[sebthesnipe]

How To Hold Your Dragon

February Prompts 2/26

Prompt List

First // Previous  // Next February Prompt // Next MDP Chapter

The February Collection on AO3

My Dearest Procyon

Other works by me

Prompt: Crest / Collect 

Ship: Prinxiety and Logicality

Original story based on this wonderful post by @underdog-arts

Roman shifted in his sleep, curling protectively closer around the swaddled bundle in his arms. He had moved from the spot against the tree, where he had been dozing at some point during the night, careful not to jostle Virgil too much.

Patton chewed his bottom lip absently as he stared at the two, concern furrowing his brow. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he had messed this whole thing up with his overprotective nature. He shouldn’t have come on so strong when he and Logan had rushed to the men’s aid. He was just so worried at the time. 

Roman gave a small shiver, tightening his hold around the raccoon, and drawing it closer against his chest for warmth. Patton gave a squeak at the sight. It was just so adorable! He shifted to dig into the pack next to him, producing a blanket before pushing to his feet. 

It was obvious that the dragon meant to cover the two, protecting them from the cool night air but he hesitated. The memory of Roman recoiling from his touch flashed across the forefront of his mind, causing him pause. Did Roman recoil out of fear? Was it just the stress of the moment? Or perhaps, it was disgust. From what Logan had told the smaller man, Roman had the grand notion that dragons were barbaric monsters meant to be slain by knights and heroes. It was no wonder he drew back at Patton’s touch. 

“Um… Logan?” the man’s small voice came as he clutched the blanket to his chest, beginning to shake slightly as he glanced down at the witch who was currently taking stock of their provisions. 

“Yes, Patton?” Logan replied, too distracted to glance up at the moment. 

Patton hesitated, feeling silly about his next request. “Roman looks cold,” he commented. 

Logan took a moment to set aside the rations he had been counting before glancing over at the prince briefly. He took in the sight of Patton hovering by the fire, blanket clutched against his chest. For a moment, the image of a small child clinging to a favored stuffed animal for courage came to mind, despite how ridiculous the notion was when compared to the god-like power the man before him possessed. Still, the look on the dragon’s face was disconcerting. 

“Perhaps you should offer him the blanket?” Logan offered in confusion. Patton nodded, gaze still on the sleeping prince a few feet away. He didn’t move. 

“Patton?” Logan asked softly, studying the way he toyed nervously with the corner of the fabric and how his bottom lip was slightly swollen from the worry of his teeth. “Is everything alright?”

“I just…” the dragon began but paused, unsure of what to say. It was foolish, he knew, but he was scared. What if Roman never warmed up to him again? What if Patton never got to be apart of that bright smile that he always flashed when Patton made a horrible joke? What if he never got to feel one of the man’s overly flamboyant embraces? Roman gave the best hugs! “I just don’t think it would be a good idea if I did it,” he admitted finally turning his attention to the tall witch. 

Logan’s confusion only grew at the admission, trying to piece together what could possibly make providing a blanket to someone in need of one a bad idea. Perhaps it was one of those odd social etiquette rulings that he never quite understood. Typically, right about now, Virgil would be chiming in with a sarcastic comment or sassy remark to provide him with some context on the matter. However, given his companion’s state of unconsciousness, it appeared he was on his own for now. 

“Isn’t that why you retrieved the bedding to begin with?” Logan asked curiously. The question had Patton’s brows furrowing further, making it appear as if he were about to cry. “Or perhaps the blanket is not the problem!” Logan rushed. He did not handle others crying well. Comfort was most certainly not a strong suit of his.

“C-could…” Patton stuttered, voice cracking softly as he hugged the folded material against his chest. “Could you maybe…” he continued, giving the witch a pleading look as he trailed off. 

“Could I take the blanket to him?” Logan clarified, earning another small dip of Patton’s head in affirmation. “Certainly.”

Tension drained from Patton’s shoulders as Logan moved to stand. 

The witch offered an outstretched hand to collect the blanket. Patton paused, unsure for only a brief moment before handing it over, wrapping his now empty hands around himself for warmth. 

Logan offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile before turning towards the sleeping prince. Patton’s gaze followed the shirtless pagan as he turned his back to the dragon. The wounds were still visible in the moon’s pale light, making discolored patches appeared darker than they had in daylight. The sight was just as disturbing as when Patton had spotted it through the witch’s glamour when they had first met.

Logan unfurled the blanket in one efficient movement before draping it over Roman’s sleeping form, making sure to cover Virgil as well. He knelt to check up on the fur covered beast wrapped in Roman’s cloak. 

Logan hid his pain well, but Patton could see through the composed exterior. Each of Logan’s movements were no doubt agonizing. The fact that he managed to hide it so well was impressive. For a human, death would probably be preferable to the torture of a simple breath. So, why then was Logan so determined to survive? What drove him? That was the whole point of the venture wasn’t it; to discover a way for him and Virgil to live without the tie to their master? 

Was it revenge? No, Logan didn’t seem the type to be driven by such a dark emotion. Perhaps it was out of spite? No, again that wasn’t very fitting of the man. He certainly was an enigma. There wasn’t much that Patton came across anymore that caused him such confusion. Logan, however, was a puzzle he was looking forward to solving. 

The witch straightened once more, the moonlight brushing against the crest of his dark hair, catching on his mismatched eyes. He was very attractive to be sure. It had been quite a long time since Patton had seen anything that could compare. The fact that anyone would wound such a beautiful being in such a way was an atrocity. 

“Are you alright, Patton?” Logan asked softly, stopping just short of the smaller individual. 

“Hm?” Patton hummed, glancing up from where he had begun to stare off, losing himself in his thoughts. “Oh. Yes! I’m fine! I’m great!” the dragon rushed, perhaps a bit too cherrily. 

Logan’s lips pursed into a thin frown at the answer, pausing to consider his response. “Patton, I understand that you are a magnificent creature that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend,” he replied softly, making the shape-shifter glance away with a flush, “but from what I have observed you have the same complex and intense emotions as we humans. Perhaps, even more so. Yet, it appears that you hide them with an overly pleasant exterior."

Patton's frown returned at the accusation, though he took no offense. The fact that Patton was so transparent was just a bit surprising to the man. 

"I cannot pretend that I have proficient knowledge or experience with emotions, but I can assume that keeping those feeling bottled up cannot be healthy. It is okay to feel things that are not pleasant. Virgil once informed me, and forgive me for the terminology, ‘Feeling like…" Logan hesitated, uncomfortable with the idea of cursing in front of the smaller man. Despite the knowledge that Patton was an ancient being capable of phenomenal cosmic magic, he always seemed so innocent to the witch. "’S-shit’," he stuttered, gauging the dragon's reaction curiously. Patton offered a small upturn of his lips in amusement, spurring Logan to continue, "Feeling like shit can be good because it makes the good feelings better than they were before,’” that earned a small huff of laughter from the small man. “While the phrasing is a bit unpolished, I believe he had a point.”

Patton rubbed his upper arm absently as the man spoke. Logan was intelligent beyond his years, that much was clear. For someone that claimed to be ignorant of a lot of things, Logan understood Patton more than he had expected. The fact that the witch was not only brave enough to point out his disillusion, but was obviously trying to comfort him about it was endearing.

Logan took Patton’s silence as an indication of the witch’s overstep and tensed. “Of course, it is completely likely that I am mistaken. I cannot pretend to know-”

“Logan,” Patton chuckled, finally meeting his gaze with a soft smile, “It’s fine, kiddo. You’re not mistaken,” he reassured.

Logan relaxed slightly at the reassurance, offering his own smile in return. “Would you like to talk about it?” 

“I dunno,” the dragon shrugged, ducking his head in embarrassment. “It’s kind of a lot and I don’t like icky feelings. I prefer the happy fun ones that make everyone smile,” he added, forcing a grin as he bounced on his heels for emphasis, “I just… don’t know if I can provide those right now,” he sighed.

“Well,” Logan offered, “perhaps, since it is just you and me at the moment, you can allow yourself to properly manage those ‘icky’ feelings?” he offered, with an arched brow. 

Patton’s softed smile returned as he peered up at the taller man. “Yeah… I guess that wouldn’t be so bad.” 

“Good,” Logan huffed mirroring the soft expression as he lifted his arms. “Perhaps, an embrace might be preferable?” he offered, unsure if this was the appropriate course of action.

However, the suggestion had Patton instantly beaming. Logan had never offered him a hug before! In fact, He had never seen the man offer anyone a hug before! Only Roman had ever allowed Patton to hug him!

The dragon preened, feet dancing as he bounced from one to another in his excitement, hands lifting to his mouth, digits tapping against the giant grin that split his face. A screech escaping him, high pitched enough that Logan was certain only dogs could hear. 

If that wasn’t affirmation enough, the dragon proceeded to launch himself into the witch’s embrace, arms tucked in close against his chest, far too conscious of the man’s wounds to return the embrace himself. 

Logan grunted at the impact, giving a low chuckle that rumbled through his chest as his limbs locked around the small form. Patton instantly melted, his own heat seeping into Logan’s cool skin pleasant as they stood next to the fire. Despite Patton’s immeasurable power, he somehow felt safe in the witch’s hold,  as though even his own nightmares couldn’t touch him there.

Patton had been so inequivalently wrong; Logan definitely gave the best hugs (but Roman was a close second).

To be continued...

Taglist:

@hiddendreamer67 @nightashes @aequinoctiale @sumersnowlilly

[goldenworldsabound]

No Spoons

Wendy cancels plans on Philly and he decides to check up on her. They share some vulnerable moments.

"Hey, I'm sorry, i think i need to cancel tonight. Some stuff happened and I'm not. I dunno. I'm out of spoons."

Philly stared at the message, brow furrowed.

"Hey that's okay. What's wrong?" He sent back, feeling worry start to rise up his chest.

She started typing. She stopped typing. He held his breath, letting air out as she started typing again. The worry crept to the base of his neck.

"I'm sorry it's too much to type out."

"Should I come over?" He asked the question having already decided he didn't want to take no for an answer.

"If you want to but don't feel obligated. I don't want to ruin your night..." That hurt his heart to read.

"Don't worry about stuff like that. I'll be over soon." He hit send and pushed the phone into his back pocket, getting to his feet. The worry was like bile in his throat. He grimaced. He was going to go and make sure she was okay. But the nagging concern over what had happened wouldn't leave him, even as he got into his car and began to drive.

------------

When he arrived, he knocked anxiously, his stomach in knots.

Wendy opened the door. Philly stared at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed, face tear stained, lips a wobbly frown. She didn't meet his gaze. He stepped inside hurriedly, almost tripping over himself as he rushed to take off his shoes and coat.

"What's wrong?" He asked again, dropping his coat on the floor before putting his hands on her shoulders. She opened her mouth to speak, but shook her head, beginning to cry.

"S-sorry," she sobbed out, pressing herself to his chest, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He returned her embrace squeezing gently. 

"You don't have to be sorry for anything." Philly reassured her. "I'm here for you. Even if that just means you gotta cry for a bit or you still don't wanna tell me what's wrong."

He felt her fingers clutch at his shirt, before relaxing. He rocked her a little as she sobbed into him, his heart aching at the sight and the sound of it.

Sniffling and a bit more under control, Wendy pulled back, wiping at her eyes. "I'm being a terrible host." She mumbled, looking away.

"Stop worrying about shit like that." Philly replied, frowning. "You're really important to me, and you're hurting, you don't have to...play host."

"You're right, I just..." her lower lip trembled.

Philly took one of her hands. "Let's sit down, okay? You want some tea? I'll put some water up."

She let him bring her to the couch where she sat down, while he busied himself in the kitchen for a moment, setting the water to boil. She made herself small, legs together, hands gripping her thighs tighter than was comfortable.

Philly came back, sitting down next to her, turning to face her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. He looked away suddenly, frowning. "Sorry, I don't mean to be pushy I'm just...worried."

"It's okay. I just... it's still hard to stop crying." She smiled weakly. "I do wanna talk about it if you'll listen."

He grabbed her hands, squeezing gently. "Of course I will."

She nodded, swallowing before meeting his worried gaze. That look alone, the intensity of the love and care in his eyes, set her off again, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Okay. It's about work again..." And so she told him, and he listened.

------------

"I hate. Crying and being upset like this." Wendy was curled up against him, having spent all her energy. "My head hurts."

He rubbed her back soothingly. "Why don't you go take a shower? Should help clear your head a bit."

"..." She wrapped a hand around his arm, frowning slightly.

"What?" He asked, face softening with a curious look.

"Well, I...I don't want to be...alone..." Wendy admitted, looking away shyly, blushing a little.

"Are you asking me to shower with you?" He teased, unable to stop a smirk from spreading across his face. They hadn't seen each other naked yet, and although he felt the comment was perhaps in bad taste given the context, he couldn't help but tease her.

"N-no! I mean, um, I don't think I could-" Her face was bright as a tomato, head swimming worse than before with the rush of blood.

"It's okay, I'm just kidding. Sorry, I couldn't resist teasing you." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. She calmed down, pressing her face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her tighter. "But really, you should go. I can hang out in the bathroom or somethin'. I won't look." He grinned. She looked up at him shyly.

"Pro-promise?"

He nodded. "Promise. Want me to make a blood pact, or swear on my parents' graves, or-"

She frowned at him before giggling a bit. "No, no, of course not! I...trust you." She got to her feet shyly, grabbing Philly's hand. He followed after her as they wandered up to the bedroom, watching quietly as she collected pajamas to change into, before following her into the bathroom. He closed his eyes while gesturing at them with his hands, before turning to face the door and crossing his arms. He was pleased to hear Wendy giggle.

The shower turned on. Over top of that, he could hear the rustling of clothes as Wendy undressed. Despite his desire to turn around, he resisted, heart pounding. There was a certain intimacy to the situation. To knowing she was shedding physical layers of vulnerability, exposing herself in his presence, truly trusting him not to violate that vulnerability in this moment. It wasn't something he had ever experienced before. It felt...important.

"Would you...stay the night?" Wendy asked tentatively, the hesitation clear in her voice.

Philly opened his eyes, startled by the question. He stared at the door in front of him. "Yeah, of course. I should have thought of that when I came over." He sighed. "I am not a clever man."

He heard what he was fairly sure were her pants falling to the floor. He blushed. Him? Blushing because someone took off their pants? It was unthinkable given his past history, and yet. This type of moment, this love was doing something to him. Had already done something to him. He closed his eyes. This moment of intimacy made his breath catch in his throat-

"You shouldn't say that! It seemed to me like you were just...only thinking about making me feel better." She mumbled the last bit. "Wh-which was! Really sweet!" He heard the shower curtain open and close.

"Heh, that's true. All I could think about was wanting to be here for you." He admitted with a soft smile. He backed up slowly until his foot found the edge of the tub. He sat down, on the ground, back leaned up against the edge of the bathtub, knees pulled slightly up. He sighed. "You just...do that to me." He admitted, blushing a bit.

Wendy was silent, but he could imagine the blush that had likely spread across her face. A sweet smile, soft eyes. Pouting lips. He closed his eyes again.

"Thank you." She murmured back after a long moment.

"You don't have to thank me."

The sound of the water filled the silence. Philly wasn't sure how much time had passed when he decided to speak again.

"You know, Wendy, you said...a lot of things earlier. And, for what it's worth, I don't think you're weak." He looked down at his palm, eyeing the zero with displeasure, forming his hand into a tight fist to cover it. "I think you're strong. But strong doesn't mean you never cry or breakdown, you know?"

"Do you really think so?" He barely heard her whisper over the water.

He nodded. "I do. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"I know, so-sorry..."

"Don't apologize. I'll-" His words caught in his throat for a moment, his face turning red as he realized the gravity of his words. "I'll always be here to reassure you, if that's what you need. I'll always be here," He pulled his knees to his chest, putting his chin on them, "to make sure you know that I think the world of you. Because I do." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Thank you." The water turned off. "I...I want to do the same for you, so please...let me. If somethings ever bothering you...I'm here."

He felt a tightness in his chest at the secrets he still hadn't told her, the ones he kept buried as deep as possible.

"I'll try." He mumbled back. Silence reigned. Philly had slipped into thoughts about the immortality that plagued him, lost in them. He had avoided considering, until now, how he would tell her, or if he even would. And now he found himself knowing that he couldn't keep it from her forever. It made the vulnerability feel cheapened and dirty, as if he had ruined it with his secret.

"Um, Philly?" Wendy asked, snapping him out of it.

"Huh?" He asked, opening one eye, staring across the bathroom to the door.

"Sorry, could you move so I can get a towel and get dressed?" She asked, shifting nervously.

"Oh! Yes! Sorry, I just- er, yeah." He got to his feet, walking to the door, pressing his forehead against it. He couldn't think about that right now. She was here with him. And...vulnerability wasn't a one time transaction, where suddenly you knew everything about each other. It took time. He'd figure it out. Just not yet. He couldn't do it yet.

He heard her drying off. The moment was ending.

"Hey. Can I," He took a breath. "See you in a towel?"

She froze. "S-see me in...a towel?" She asked uncertainly.

Shit! Why had he asked that? That was weird, right? Shit!

"Er, sorry, I shouldn't've-"

"S-sure."

"...really?!" He was surprised.

"Yeah. I...you can...look." She squeaked a bit. Philly turned around slowly, looking at her with wide eyes. She was blushing, looking at him with all the vulnerability in the world wrapped up in her gaze, in the way she clutched the towel wrapped around her, in the way her legs were pushed together. Had there ever been a person who had trusted him so? It moved him in a way he couldn't explain.

Before he had even realized it, he was next to her, pressing a kiss to her lips. He felt her returning the kiss against him, clutching his shirt with one hand. They pulled apart, gasping for breath.

"S-sorry, I just...like you...a lot." He mumbled. He turned away again, closing his eyes, feeling the warm blush spread across his face.

"I like you too..." She mumbled back.

[dr-gloom]

FandersPrideMeetup Week 1: Relationships. Queerplatonic Prinxiety. Still Just As Special

Woot here’s my Week 1 entry for Fanders Pride Meetup, organized by @fander-pride-meetup!! Based on my own experience, of course. If You read this and recognize it I’m sorry and I hope you don’t mind

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: Queerplatonic Prinxiety

Words: 1,013

Summary: Because sometimes relationships, and confessions, don’t go how you planned, but that doesn’t mean anything has to change.

Tags/Warnings: confessions, anxiety, aromantic Virgil, both Virgil and Roman are nonbinary, Virgil is aroace, Roman is poly, allusions to abuse

Read it on AO3

fic masterlist

like what I do? buy me a coffee or GoFundMe

Virgil and Roman were practically inseparable. They’d been friends for only a couple months, yet they already acted as though they grew up together. They shared food when they went out, had what seemed like thousands of inside jokes, knew how to comfort each other like no one else, and told each other everything.

Well, almost everything.

“-And then Roman said they loved me and threw an arm over my shoulder. I swear to god, I felt like I was going to die right there. I still don’t get how they didn’t see my blush, it was hot enough to set a tree on fire.”

Patton laughs lightly, laying beside Virgil on his bed as they chatted about Roman, something the two did often. “I still don’t get why you don’t just like, tell them, Virge. It seems pretty obvious to me; they like you.”

Virgil sighs and sits up, putting their elbows on their knees as they cross their legs, hunching dejectedly. “I told you, Pat, I can’t. I can’t risk losing them. Besides, I doubt they like me like that. Besides besides, they have a boyfriend.”

“But isn’t Roman poly?”

A sigh. “Yes.”

Patton shrugs. “I’m not gonna force you, and I get how you feel, but I’m just sayin’ I think you’re being a little… Overly-pessimistic.” He shakes his head, sitting up as well. “I dunno how you do it, Virge. If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. I woulda been like ‘Hey!!! I really like you!!!’ like, as soon as I figured it out.” He laughs and stretches.

Virgil scoffs lightly, picking at the frayed edge of their cutoff jeans. “I just… Don’t wanna lose them. Yeah, I wanna tell them. It’s like the words are on the tip of my tongue constantly, but if they didn’t feel the same… If they get weirded out, or disgusted, or it makes everything awkward…. I wouldn’t be able to handle it, Pat.”

Patton gives Virgil a sympathetic look. “I understand. This is something you need to carefully consider, and ask yourself; is it worth the risk?”

Virgil bites their lip, nodding. They had a lot to think about.

“-Which is why I’m no longer allowed to sing Rock The Casbah around Logan.” Roman finishes their story, a wide grin on their face. They look up from their dinner plate to see the slightly far-off, troubled look on Virgil’s face and frown. “Virge? Is something wrong?”

Virgil blinks back to reality when their name is called, looking across the table at Roman. “Oh, uh… I’m not really sure.” They shrug uncertainly. “I feel… kinda bad.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrow in concern and they set their fork down, leaning forward the slightest bit, but of course Virgil notices and their heart does something funny. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Virgil chews on their lip for a moment. “I… It’s complicated. Well, not complicated. I just… It’s hard for me to talk about super serious stuff, you know?”

Roman nods in understanding; this was one of the many, many things about Virgil that they did in fact know. “That’s okay. It’s normal, too. Especially with how you grew up; being told to shut up, being invalidated, not listened to. It takes a long time to grow out of that, and that’s okay.”

Virgil’s breath hitches slightly at the care, concern, and understanding in Roman’s tone. God, they really didn’t deserve someone so wonderful in their life. But it was those kinds of thoughts they were trying to get rid of, so they quickly shake it off. They look over Roman’s face, remind themselves Roman would never hate them or be disgusted with them, and that they had to get this out in the open.

“Well… I feel like I need to say it. Because not saying anything is pretty much the same thing as lying, and I hate lying. Especially to you. So. I…” Just say it. “I… you’re my squish. I have a squish on you. I don’t know, you know what I mean. And before you say anything, I don’t expect you to reciprocate, or anything, I just wanted to get it off my chest and out in the open. I know you have a boyfriend and you love him, and I don’t want to pressure you or make you feel awkward, I don’t expect anything out of this. I just don’t want this to affect us, unless we want it to. I don’t want this to change anything.” Virgil finishes their rambling confession looking at their hands, picking nervously at their cuticles. The two of them sit in silence while Roman digests this.

“Virgil…” Virgil tenses. They know that tone. “Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. You’re… You’re so important to me. And, look, I don’t know how any of this stuff works; I don’t know anything about QPRs, or squishes, I don’t know if I reciprocate, or even if I can. But I do know I love you, and that you’re important to me. Just as much as my boyfriend. I care about you, worry about you, and would do anything for you just like I would him. I just… Don’t know what that really means, in this context. But I promise, this changes nothing between us. I won’t stop caring about you or run away.”

Virgil doesn’t even realize they’re crying until Roman gasps softly, getting up from their chair to move over to Virgil’s side and hug them. “Oh god, Virgil, I’m so sorry. Please, please don’t cry.”

Virgil shakes their head, hugging Roman back around their waist. “It’s okay, Roman… I’m actually really relieved.”

“You are?”

“Yeah… I don’t know what I would’a done if you’d stopped being my friend.”

Roman squeezes them softly. “I could say the same. You really scared me there for a second.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

Roman laughs lightly, pulling back to look at Virgil. “Don’t be, it’s fine. We’re fine.”

Virgil smiles up at them. “Thanks. Love you.”

“Love you too, Virge.”

Taglist: @hungry-red-panda @neonb-fly @chemically-imbalanced-romance @punsterterry @dead4sevenyears @metaphoricalpluto2 @tanyatoloni1334

[artificialqueens]

as the stars align 4/? (branjie) - rujubees

A/N: hollywood enemies to lovers au; 4.2k - also on ao3

Vanessa was having a crisis. She was in a situation so dire, there was nothing to do but call on her two right-hand women for advice. Thankfully, A’keria and Silky were receptive to her SOS signal and arrived at her apartment within ten minutes, alcohol in clutch per Vanessa’s request.

“What’s the tea, Christine?” Silky asked as Vanessa led them to the kitchen. She then made fearful eye contact with A’keria as their friend began downing a series of shots.

Suddenly, Vanessa began to cry.

“Oh no, shhh, it’s okay,” Silky spoke softly as she stood up behind Vanessa’s stool to comfort her.

“I — is it Riley? Is he okay?” A’keria guessed. Seemingly hearing his name, Vanessa’s dog bounced into the kitchen and began licking at the woman who’d just asked after him. Even Vanessa had to let out a chuckle at that.

“No, God no, he’s fine,” Vanessa replied, scooping up Riley up for a cuddle, before letting him go once she realised she’d gotten his fur wet.

“Is it Matt? Did y’all break up?” A’keria tried again, reaching across the bar to take Vanessa’s hand in her own.

“It’s not about him — well, it kind of is,” Vanessa managed to choke out between sobs. Silky and A’keria simply waited for her to continue.

“I’m sorry guys, I’m a big girl, I’ll stop.” Vanessa wiped away her tears, streaking the makeup that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to remove after that afternoon’s shoot.

She then let out a deep breath.

“It’s… Brooke.”

“Is she giving you shit again? Because I won’t hesitate to cut that skinny bitch, you just say the word Vanj,” Silky said protectively.

“It’s not that, I just… I think I might like her,” Vanessa revealed timidly, preparing for a storm. A’keria’s brows shot up and Silky’s jaw dropped slightly, but they certainly weren’t as gobsmacked as Vanessa had been expecting them to be when she told them.

“You mean…” A’keria trailed off.

“Yeah. Go on, tell me what a masochist I am.”

“I’m not judging, girl, I get it. It’s not all that surprising really,” A’keria shrugged.

“What? I just told you that I like the woman who up until today, I hated,” Vanessa hit back, confused, trying to emphasise the ‘hate’ part as much as she could.

“Yeah, exactly, you’ve been obsessed, V, you know it’s true. She’s practically all you’ve talked about for weeks.”

Vanessa swallowed guiltily, unable to argue with that.

“Kiki’s right. But why the change of heart?” Silky wondered.

It took Vanessa a strength she didn’t know she had to stop herself from crying again.

“I don’t know, I just — today she was acting like she wanted nothing to do with me, and it fucking hurt more than any of the mean shit she’s thrown my way. And when I called her out on it, she actually apologised and she was so frickin’ soft and I realised that that’s the Brooke I wanna know all the time. And then later in her dressing room, we almost kissed— ”

“Hold up hoe, you kissed?!” Silky yelled.

“No! But I went to her dressing room to practice, and we were so close, I swear my pulse has never been that quick. If it weren’t for fuckin’ Scyvie— ”

“Who the fuck is Scyvie?” A’keria interrupted.

“Doesn’t matter. Point is I really like her and I dunno what the hell I’m gonna do. I have to kiss her tomorrow!”

A’keria sighed before looking to Silky, who gave her a small nod, leaving Vanessa bewildered.

“I think you should break up with Matt, Vanessa,” A’keria said gently, giving Vanessa’s hand a squeeze. “If you really have feelings for Brooke, it’s not fair for you to lead him on. Think about it. You almost cheated on him today.”

“I wouldn’t do that. It was just to practice,” Vanessa defended herself as fresh tears began to fall.

“Was it really?” Silky questioned, her voice without accusation despite the context.

“I’m not breaking up with Matt. Brooke doesn’t want me, okay? She hates me and she’s probably straight and I don’t wanna be her stupid girlfriend anyway, it’s just a dumb crush. I’ll get over it. And I love Matt.” Vanessa stood up, her stool screeching the tiles, and returning the empty glasses to the sink, indicating that the conversation was over.

“Whatever you do, we’re here for you, V,” spoke A’keria. Vanessa just gave a small smile in response. She didn’t know what she’d do without her Dreamgirls.

—

Vanessa didn’t get the chance to speak with Brooke in hair and makeup the next morning, a fact that she wasn’t sure whether she was grateful for or saddened by. There were a lot of characters involved in Friday’s shoot, and so Scarlet, Plastique and some of the other actors were brought into the leads’ beauty trailer to utilise the space. For once, the place was buzzing with noise, and although it was unlike her, Vanessa let herself tune out of the conversation, knowing that she needed to mentally prepare herself for the day ahead.

When they arrived on set, Vanessa swallowed her pride and approached Brooke Lynn, wanting to clear the air before their big scene.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. If I made you uncomfortable,” Vanessa said stiffly.

“Oh, no. It’s fine, you didn’t,” Brooke assured her.

“I just wanna make the movie perfect.” It wasn’t a complete lie; Vanessa did care about the scene turning out well. Brooke nodded understandingly.

Vanessa chuckled shyly, filling the air, desperately trying to think of ways to keep their conversation going until they had to film. She couldn’t handle anymore tense silences between them.

“It’s just like, when straight actresses kiss and sometimes it looks really forced, y’know? And this movie is gonna be all big for LGBT rep and stuff— ”

“I get it,” Brooke barked. Vanessa smiled painfully, feeling as awkward as the same-sex kisses she had watched on screen growing up, and wishing she could figure out a way to quit pissing her co-star off again.

“Ladies, we start shooting scene twenty-seven in ten, so get in any last minute rehearsals now,” Michelle called from her directors’ chair.

Brooke walked off, saying she was going to use the toilet, but Vanessa was pretty sure that was an excuse, that in reality, she just couldn’t stand to look at Vanessa a moment longer. Hearing the own thoughts she was having now that she had started to like Brooke only made her want to go back to hating the other woman — she was becoming paranoid and over-analytical about something as ridiculous as Brooke using the damn toilet. She just wanted to push her feelings down, but it was pretty hard when Brooke was with her everyday, right there in front of her.

And she looked like that.

Vanessa wasn’t left alone for long as it was then that Scarlet and Plastique appeared, buzzing with excitement, also preparing themselves for their roles in the upcoming scene.

“Ready for your big moment, sis?” Plastique asked. Vanessa groaned.

“Ugh, no, y’all are hyping it up way too much and it’s probably gonna suck.”

“That’s impossible, you’re both way too talented for that. Don’t stress, it’ll be fine,” Scarlet said, giving her a pat.

The scene was a pivotal one; not only was it the first kiss between Brooke and Vanessa’s characters, it was also the scene where Emilia, Vanessa’s role, confesses her feelings to Brooke’s character, Jade, before she goes off on a space mission. Vanessa really hoped she could put her own feelings for Brooke to the side and get it right.

“Okay, places, please,” Michelle requested, and people on set began shuffling into position. Everyone was there, and would be watching; Michelle, Asia, the rest of the cast and crew, even the hair and makeup artists in case any touch ups became necessary. It was pretty intimidating, Vanessa had to admit — she had never shared an onscreen kiss beyond brief pecks as a supporting role in various medical dramas. When she spotted Katya, the blonde woman gave her a quick thumbs up; Vanessa had grown to like her and her quirkiness.

Brooke took her spot opposite Vanessa, and the first part of the scene, which involved a meeting between all of the astronauts, went off without a hitch.

“Okay, cut. That was great, you guys,” Michelle praised them, clearly happy to have completed it in just a couple of takes. “Brooke and Vanessa, you ready?”

They both nodded succinctly. Vanessa began to feel her hands clam up.

“Okay, action.”

“Jade, hold up,” Vanessa started as Brooke’s character walked out the meeting room.

“Em? What’s wrong?” Brooke asked, stopping in her tracks.

“Can we talk? Sit with me. Please.” Vanessa said, gripping Brooke’s hand lightly and pulling them both towards chairs.

“I just… I’m so happy for you. Tomorrow, you’ll be worlds away. Literally,” Vanessa continued. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Brooke replied, her eyes sparkling. “It’s all I’ve dreamed of, ever since I was a little girl asking too many questions in physics class.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t wait to see the stars. To really see them.”

The two of them sat as a comfortable silence formed between their two characters.

“Was there anything else?” Brooke’s character asked sadly, like she wanted to say so much more.

“I just… I feel like it’s been so long. I miss my friend.” Vanessa answered.

“I miss you too. I’ll keeping missing you,” Brooke replied.

“Then don’t go.”

Brooke paused.

“What?”

“Stay here. Stay with me. Brooke, I—”

“Cut!” Michelle shouted. “Vanessa, as much as I’m sure Brooke would gladly accept the invitation to stay with you, right now you’re talking to Jade,” she reminded her, earning a few chuckles from a number of people on set. Vanessa knew Michelle was just trying to inject some humour into the day, but felt her cheeks heat up nonetheless.

“It just slipped out, Blondie,” she told Brooke quietly, trying to downplay her embarrassment. It was a common mistake — there was no reason why anyone would look into it. Brooke did nothing except fix her with an unimpressed stare, and Vanessa just wanted the Brooke from yesterday to come back.

“Action!”

“Stay here. Stay with me. Jade, I… I have something to tell you.”

“You do?” Brooke asked with a quick intake of breath. Her eyes were curious, even hopeful, and it amazed Vanessa that she was able to convey that level of nuance with only her eyes.

“I — I love you. I wish I could say it more poetically or using some space metaphor or some shit, but it really is just that simple. I want to be with you.”

Vanessa’s eyes began to water. Brooke’s own were conflicted.

“Emilia, I — I’m sorry. But I have to do this. You know I do.” Vanessa allowed the tears to leave her eyes as her character got up to leave.

“Emilia — wait — ” Brooke pleaded, catching up with Vanessa by the door and grabbing her arm, making them face one another. Vanessa prayed that Brooke couldn’t hear her heart pounding against her chest.

Brooke’s hand came up to cup her cheek and Vanessa was gone. She was glad that this was exactly what her character wanted, as she didn’t think she could possibly reject Brooke when she was looking at her like that, even if the script called for it.

Brooke tilted her head and finally pressed her mouth to Vanessa’s. They kissed softly, Brooke’s lips moving like silk on top of hers, even more tender than Vanessa could’ve imagined. Vanessa knew it shouldn’t have been romantic, that on-screen kisses were widely regarded as anything but — but all she could think of was how right this felt, how they should’ve been doing it all along instead whatever the hell they had been wasting their time with for the past month.

Vanessa knew that it was only supposed to be a short and sweet goodbye kiss, but Michelle wasn’t yelling cut — not that Vanessa would’ve been able to hear over the fireworks crackling in her ears. But Brooke hadn’t stopped, and she took that as a good sign.

And when Vanessa felt herself be slowly backed against the door, Brooke’s tongue slipping into her mouth, to the sound of soft moans that could’ve been from either one of them, she knew that it definitely wasn’t part of the script, but she certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Cut!” came the familiar voice of Michelle’s command, and the two actresses sprung apart.

“Tone it down, you guys. What part of ‘keep it PG’ don’t you understand? It’s right there in the stage directions,” Michelle waved the script from a distance. “Let’s take five.”

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Brooke asked her abruptly in an especially bitchy tone.

“What?” Vanessa asked back, genuinely confused.

“Don’t act like this isn’t your fault, not after the way you were all over me yesterday. You tryna make me look unprofessional or something?” Brooke hit back.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” Vanessa spat furiously. “Your horny ass had me pinned against the fucking wall, don’t even try to deny it, bitch, everyone saw, we got it here on fuckin’ CCTV. And you wanna blame me? How fuckin’ repressed are you?” Vanessa didn’t think she had ever been this mad, which was saying a lot since almost every encounter she’d had with Brooke seemed to set a new record — each time she thought she wasn’t capable of being so angry, Brooke went and proved her wrong.

Brooke went quiet at Vanessa’s outburst, but Vanessa couldn’t find it in her to show an ounce of sympathy.

“Do we need to reshoot?” Vanessa checked as she walked up to a group of crew members.

“No, we can work with what we’ve got,” Asia replied.

“Good,” Vanessa said, feeling a twinge of disappointment, but mostly relief. “Can we call it a day? I don’t feel well.”

Asia nodded, smiling empathetically, before informing Michelle, who seemed less overjoyed at the news but willing to go with it.

“Change of plans! That’s a wrap for the day, everyone. Thanks for your hard work — see you all tomorrow,” Michelle announced and the room let out a collective applause at the early finish.

Brooke gave Vanessa a confused glance; there was a redness behind her eyes, but Vanessa refused to let herself care about that right now. She stormed off set, sad and pissed as hell and determined to stop seeing the good in Brooke once and for all.

—

“Brooke, you have got to — and I can’t stress this enough — get your shit together.”

Nina barged in through her front door — an action that initially alarmed Brooke, who’d forgotten how she’d given Nina a spare key — and she was already chastising her before she could even reach the living room.

“Nice to see you too, Nina, thank you so much for knocking,” Brooke’s words dripped with sarcasm.

“Brooke — I’m serious.”

“What did I do now?” Brooke pondered out loud, far more interested in the large tub of chocolate ice cream she was indulging herself in. She was relaxing on the couch, buried in blankets, with Henry and Apollo laying dutifully at her feet.

“I’ve just been on the phone with Ra’jah O’Hara,” Nina said, Brooke receiving the news with a blank expression.

“Who?”

“Vanessa Mateo’s manager. She claims that her client is threatening to quit the movie because of your behaviour.”

“What?!” Brooke almost gagged on her dessert. “She wouldn’t. She didn’t.”

“Okay, fine, she didn’t,” Nina conceded. “But she did tell Ra’jah to tell me to tell you that, just to see your reaction. Which was a let down, may I say. It seems like you know Vanessa better than she thinks.”

“Well, you didn’t exactly commit to the lie,” Brooke added. “Is that all?”

Nina took a deep, weary sigh and poured herself a glass of wine from the bottle that stood open on the coffee table. Brooke thought about how the culpability would be her own if Nina began ageing rapidly in the next few weeks.

“I did hear about what happened today when you guys had to kiss. Brooke, you had her up against the wall? And then lashed out at her for losing control?”

“God, I was such an asshole,” Brooke professed, hating herself even more after hearing it back.

“Just tell me why,” Nina asked.

“Because it was a fucking good kiss.”

Nina wasn’t appeased by this answer.

“I did assume that much. But taking it out on Vanessa? You can’t go around treating people like shit just because you can’t handle your emotions.” Brooke understood that Nina was right, as much as it stung to hear the truth.

“I know. It’s gone too far,” Brooke agreed, her voice smaller than ever. “I just really don’t want to be attracted to her.”

“Don’t worry about that for the moment,” Nina instructed her. “I think you have a phone call to make.”

—

Vanessa went straight home after Friday’s shoot; she didn’t even feel up to seeing A’keria and Silky, knowing that that conversation would only end in a shit ton of tears on her behalf. She ignored a bunch of texts from the both of them, throwing her phone back into the depths of her purse.

But still, Matt was there. Of course he was.

He pulled her into a hug and didn’t seem to detect the tenseness in her shoulders.

“Good day?” he asked chirpily.

“No,” Vanessa said, too drained to even make up some bullshit story that told him otherwise.

“Why not, honey?”

“Brooke’s just being a cunt,” she complained as her boyfriend winced at the cussing. “I just wanna go to bed.”

“How so? I thought you two had stopped this whole nonsense,” Matt continued to probe.

“I don’t know, I guess our kiss scene got a bit too steamy and she basically blamed it all on me even though she totally instigated it,” Vanessa explained carelessly. Matt was stunned.

“Does she have a crush on you or something?”

“What? No,” Vanessa forced out a laugh.

“Are you sure? Because you two are so fucking obsessed with each other, I just keep thinking, surely there’s some sexual tension there. But then I realise you wouldn’t do that to me. You wouldn’t string me along like some shit on your shoe if deep down, it’s not me you want. Right?”

Vanessa could tell that Matt was trying to keep his questioning tone light, trying to pretend like he didn’t already know the answer to that, but he sounded more like a balloon about to go bang.

“Right now, I’m feelin’ like I don’t want either one of you.”

“Go fuck yourself, Vanessa. And that Hollywood slut while you’re at it,” Matt hissed.

“Don’t call her that,” Vanessa warned, her voice low.

“Just as I thought,” Matt simmered.

“You wanna take a step back and maybe think about how the fuck you’re talkin’ to me?”

Matt opened his mouth to reply, but Vanessa wasn’t interested.

“That’s rhetorical, bitch — save it. And I’m not staying here tonight.”

—

Brooke settled down in her bed at half midnight, clutching her phone in one hand and a small piece of paper, courtesy of Nina, in the other. She’d spent all evening going over what she was going to say, but maybe part of her left it so late in hopes that Vanessa wouldn’t pick up. She knew it was a conversation they would have to have eventually, but Brooke questioned whether it was better suited to another day, when the wounds weren’t so fresh. She had no idea how Vanessa was going to react, after all.

However, she trusted that Ra’jah wouldn’t have passed the number along if it weren’t in her best interests to call Vanessa ASAP. And the possibility that Brooke had pushed them back to square one made her blood run cold, as much as she felt she deserved to have Vanessa damning her name and despising her very existence all over again.

Of course, texting was also an option. But Brooke longed for Vanessa to hear firsthand how sincere she was. How Brooke knew she had fucked up, but that there was nothing she wanted less than their relationship regressing further.

She dialled the number, and it rang a few times, before connecting the call.

“Hi — Vanessa, don’t hang up,” Brooke whispered.

“…Brooke?” Her voice was rough; Brooke thought she might’ve been crying. She wasn’t sure which was the better possibility; that she something else was the source of her pain, or that it was Brooke herself.

“Are… are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Vanessa said, her words concise but without malice.

“Look, I just want to say sorry. For today. I let the kiss escalate and it was totally unfair of me to put that all on you. It wasn’t even a big deal, I shouldn’t have overreacted. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not like I tried to stop you, girl.” Brooke supposed that was true. Vanessa had kissed her back with an intensity that had made her almost wonder —

What If.

Which was insane. She had a boyfriend, and as far as Brooke knew, they were perfectly happy together. Vanessa was just a really great actress.

And Brooke could hear her voice edging towards forgiveness before she’d even had the chance to earn it and if she wasn’t sure of it already, she knew then that this woman was far too good for her.

“So are we, uh, cool? Relatively speaking, I mean,” Brooke double checked.

“I forgive you, and I’m sorry for my messiness, too. But we gotta stop going round in circles like this. I don’t wanna go in to work tomorrow and have you shut me out again, so we fight and you feel bad and I forgive you and it just keeps on repeatin’.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t enough; Brooke knew she had to prove that she wouldn’t fall back into the traps of her defence mechanisms.

“We have to change. Let’s start now,” she said confidently, wanting to demonstrate that she could properly open up to her co-star.

“Okay…” Vanessa trailed off.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Brooke requested. Vanessa giggled a little, sounding just as surprised as Brooke was at the turn in conversation, and it was almost like they were two regular friends swapping secrets at a sleepover.

“Hmm… oh, I’ve got one. I told Ra’jah to give you my number. So just know I could’ve made you work so much harder for that redemption, bitch.”

It wasn’t quite what Brooke had in mind, but she found herself laughing effortlessly anyway. Even though Vanessa was transparent, and she had already worked that one out.

“Not exactly personal, but it’s a start,” Brooke responded, smiling to herself in the darkness.

“What about you?” Vanessa deflected. Brooke bounced an idea around in her mind, contemplating whether she should be brave.

“Mine is: I don’t know if I ever hated you.”

“Bitch, you’re kidding. Tell me something true now, you gotta play by the rules.”

“I am telling the truth,” Brooke began to elaborate. “I mean, I didn’t exactly like you, sure, but there was always something else underneath all that.”

“Oh really?” Vanessa’s voice was quiet in disbelief. It was too much for Brooke, felt too intimate, somehow, despite the fact that the other woman was miles away.

“Yeah, I dunno. I think I was jealous of you, you’re so young and pretty and popular and all that jazz,” Brooke lied, scrunching her face up at how far it was from the facts.

“Oh.”

— was all Vanessa had to say to her, not thrilled despite the compliments Brooke had sent her way.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Vanessa concluded.

“Yeah. I’m so sorry, again.”

“Thanks for calling, Brooke.”

“Goodnight, Vanessa.”

A soft “night” was all Brooke heard before the line went dead.

It had been a day. And still, as she tried to succumb to sleep, all Brooke’s mind could do was drift back to that kiss.

Brooke had shared many great kisses in her life, but there was a fire in that one unlike anything she had felt before. She could still envision every sensation; the sweet taste of Vanessa’s mouth, the scent of her intoxicating perfume, the warmth of her smooth skin brushing up against Brooke’s own; the addictive gasp she had let out as her back had made contact with the wall, too quiet for anyone else to have heard. She felt a heat pooling between her thighs at the memory; began to touch herself as she wished it were Vanessa’s fingers making her fall apart instead. When she came, it was with Vanessa’s name on her lips.

Nina was gonna have a field day once she clocked it, too — Brooke was in deep, and there was no coming up for air.

[asksuperyogs]

Flashbacks

in which two dudes chat in front of a fast food restaurant.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The hell is taking them so long?"

"Dunno, mate," said Xephos, throwing way too much concern into his voice. Khaz didn't even notice.

"You'd think with how much food they sell in a day, they'd have gotten the hang of actually making it on time," Khaz spat.

They were parked outside a fast food establishment, one of Khaz's favorites. His arm was resting out the window of Xephos' red convertible, and he was drumming his fingers harshly on the door. When, for a brief second, he caught the eye of one of the workers through the drive-thru window, he bit down on his lower lip and gave them a very rude gesture, then tapped vehemently on his naked wrist as though there was a watch there.

Xephos failed to stifle a chuckle. Watching Khaz's antics was so endearing to him and filled his heart with joy.

"What are you laughing at, arseface?" said Khaz, side-eying his designated fast food driver.

"The stunted troll in my passenger seat," said Xephos. He plucked his phone out of the cupholders and aimed it Khaz. "Wait till Mads gets a load of this."

Khaz slapped the phone out of Xephos' hand with his giant paw. Xephos glanced around just to make sure it wasn't damaged after it was done bouncing on the leather backseat, and, satisfied, let out another chuckle, one that sort of bubbled up against his will. Khaz glared at him for a second before turning his attention back to the restaurant, leaning his head against his fist. 

Xephos mimicked his friend, looking over occasionally to make sure he was mirroring Khaz's actions correctly.

"Last night," Khaz said suddenly, after a couple minutes of awkward silence (accompanied only by the sounds of Khaz's stomach grumbling), "no one survived." He continued staring forward, through the windshield, but he didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular.

"You mean the-"

"The office bombing. Yup."

Xephos frowned deeply. He looked over at Khaz and saw the new shiny burn on his hulking sleeveless left arm, and immediately turned away, ashamed, feeling like he noticed something he shouldn't have. He had noticed it before but with just a bit of new context, the sight of it was now making his stomach turn.

“Hostage situation. One tango. Should’ve been easy.” His voice had dropped to a growl. A deeply wounded growl. “Couldn’t have been any easier.”

Xephos said nothing, searching for his next words carefully. “You know what Mads always says,” he began, speaking so slow it sounded like he was learning the words as they came out. “You can’t--”

“Win them all. I know, X,” he interrupted. 

“Well, let’s think about that some more,” Xephos offered. The straws he was grasping at began to slip. Ever since his best friend and girlfriend came out to him as superheroes, Xephos had tried his damn best to become an accepting and supportive force in their lives. That didn’t mean he was always good at it.

Khaz raised an eyebrow at him, as though he was expecting Xephos to continue. Xephos shared a similar look with Khaz, hoping he wouldn’t have to continue.

“...Go on?” Khaz eventually said wearily.

“W-w-well,” Xephos stammered, “sometimes, the hero doesn’t… win. You’re the hero, and sometimes, you don’t win.”

Crickets.

“I- I know how hard it must be and how bad it feels right now,” said Xephos haltingly. He saw a twinge in Khaz’s expression, a flicker of rage that was gone in an instant. Apparently, Xephos didn’t know how it felt.

“Let’s start over,” said Xephos sagely. He turned in his seat to face Khaz fully and put up both his hands and beckoning motions. “Lay it all on me. Hit me with your best shot.”

“What...?” Khaz droned, finally confused, though his hand did curl instinctually into a fist at the sound of ‘hit me’.

“I want you to wring that clogged heart all over me, until not a drop of fat or blood is left. Fill me with your feelings, Dew.”

“I don’t know about this anymore,” said Khaz, starting to feel a little put off now.

“No, no, no, you started this feels train, now chugga chugga choo choo on over here with your pain and share it with me. We’re not eating one bite or stepping one foot out of this car until I feel just as awful as you do right now.”

“Okay. Alright, X, you asked for it. Imagine,” said Khaz darkly, glowering at his friend. “The deepest kind of pain a person can feel. I saw that in… heh.”

“Heh?”

“Heh, heh.”

“I don’t get it,” said Xephos dumbly.

“You wouldn’t,” said Khaz. “You won’t.” It wasn’t said aggressively, but more optimistically. A bit of an upward affectation.

“But let me try,” pleaded Xephos.

“I can’t do that to you Xephos,” Khaz said, his voice raised ever so slightly. Xephos, realizing how tense he was, leaning towards Khaz all bug-eyed, took a second to sit back.

“But why?”

“This is enough, I think.”

“Wha- wha- enough? Enough what?” said Xephos incredulously. “What’s going on?”

“Calm down, shite, you’re a touchy fucker. Don’t blow a gasket, you babby.”

“I’ve never been more confused in my life,” Xephos said monotonously. He felt his body tightening defensively, but wasn’t sure why.

“I’m saying you’re already helping me so much right now.”

“What do you mean I’m helping…! You… so much? I’m sorry?”

“This whole sad tale song and dance, I’ve been through this so many times before. I know you have too, both from me and Lola. Telling you what happened or how I feel about it isn’t really going to change anything.”

Xephos’ face fell. So he was a useless friend?

“You knowing or ‘understanding’ us isn’t what’s so great about you,” Khaz continued. Xephos was starting to feel like he was the one being comforted now. What the hell? 

“You’re there for us at a moment’s notice,” said Khaz. “Less than a moment’s notice. I’ve never once called you and got your voicemail. I’ve never once had to find another ride. I don’t think you could ever understand the kinds of things we go through, or feel the pain we feel when we fail, but the fact that you’re here, and you’re trying to, I think that’s enough. What I need most in my life isn’t someone who understands me, necessarily. What I need most is someone who loves me.”

Xephos stared at Khaz, slackjawed. He’d never heard Khaz say that word before.

“Close your mouth, or you’ll attract flies,” Khaz grumbled, turning to look out the window again.

“I’ve never heard you say ‘need’ before…” Xephos whispered.

“I’m not going to talk about what happened last night,” Khaz said, ignoring him. “Cuz I don’t have to. I’m already feeling better just being here with you. Being with someone I can turn to when I’m feeling alone in the world.”

Xephos tried to push down the pride that was welling up inside him, only managing to make a weird look of reluctant affection pull at his face. “And to think I was kidding when I said you had a clogged heart,” he said. “I thought there was nothing in there at all!”

“There isn’t,” said Khaz, patting his stomach, which growled at his touch.

Xephos reach out with his long arm and put a hand on Khaz’s shoulder. “You’re a good hero, Khaz,” he said softly. “Maybe last night didn’t go as planned. There’s gonna be so many more nights that don’t go as planned. And each time, I’m gonna be right beside you, covering you with my love.”

“You can’t be serious for one moment, can you, X?” said Khaz, exhaling quickly through his nose in a facsimile of a chortle. But he put his big hand over Xephos’ and looked back at him. “You’re a good hero too. Thanks, pal.” He saw what Xephos was about to say and stopped him there. “Maybe not a superhero, but you’re my hero.”

Xephos smiled warmly, and clapped Khaz on his back, giving him a little shake.

“Bugger me, food’s finally done,” said Khaz, brushing Xephos’ hand off and pointing at the beleaguered looking server walking through the parking lot holding a bag up to them.

“They were waiting for you to stop crying,” said Xephos, wiping his eyes. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Dwarves can’t cry,” said Khaz indignantly. “When I’m at your funeral, the only thing coming out of my eyes is going to be dirt.”

“You’re deluded if you think I’m dying first,” scoffed Xephos.

“With how crazy you drive me, your life expectancy is a lot shorter than you think, tiny man.” He turned to look at the server swaying on their feet outside his window and pointed at the bag. “Is this everything?”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello! I was wondering if you had any advice for my scenario: I don't think I am anything but heterosexual (most of my crushes have been women) but I think I might be potentially interested in my best friend (to give a description, he's gay himself)? I dunno, I think about the possibility and I'm not entirely adverse to the idea. I remember even cuddling with him and liking it. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Any advice?

Hi Nonny!

First of all, it’s totally okay to be confused about who you are and what you’re feeling: despite what the media and bigots want you to believe, sexuality is fluid and sometimes it really is “straight with an exception” as cringy as some people make that out to be. 

Second of all, I’m not an expert, so this is my disclaimer to say that take my words with a grain of salt; I have never had any serious relationship in my life, but I’ve spent endless hours consoling my friends with my thoughts, so hopefully that will help you

Finally, I’m assuming you are self-identified as a male since you do offer a pronoun for your friend, and given the context of the wording of this ask, it’s the deduction I’m making here.

Now that that’s all done and done: IT’S OKAY. Sometimes, we discover things late in life about ourselves *coughs* either due to environment or our own ignorance, and when we take a moment to sit down and self reflect, the whole world suddenly clicks. It IS a scary thing to think you’re one thing but as our understanding of sexuality continues to expand pretty much daily, the more everything starts to make sense. Lovely, it could be anything from just feeling comfortable around your friend to actual attraction. I think with men, it’s difficult to parse those feelings because you guys are forced to not engage in them because “it’s not manly” or “you’re such a girl if you do” (which I don’t understand why that’s an insult but go off I guess). For that reason, my heart hurts for guys because societal norms dictate that you aren’t allowed to discover yourself. It’s slowly getting better, but there’s still a lot of work to do. 

So in that sense, Nonny, I understand why you may be confused and unsure, especially if you may have been brought up to bottle up those feelings or to not be allowed to self-reflect. I’m here to tell you: IT’S OKAY. Be emotional. YOU ARE HUMAN, and as such, we are emotional creatures. I’d rather you cry and talk about them than bottle up your emotions to a point where they convert into anger and bitterness.

So, back to your question after my little tangent there. I’m NOT going to label you, Lovely, that’s not my place, but many-a-people I’ve talked to mention similar feelings when realizing that they were bi- or pan- romantic/sexual, and only realized it later BECAUSE they were in similar situations or escaped confining lives that shunned anything other than the heteronormative.

Sexuality is a GINORMOUS scale that ranges from “not at all”(sexuality) to “very very”(sexuality) and there’s so much in between that, that it’s PERFECTLY NORMAL to possibly be “straight with an exception” if THAT’S the label YOU choose for yourself. I’m not going to tell you “nope, you’re bi, sorry”. That’s not my place. You know yourself better than some rando blogger on the internet, LOL. THAT SAID Lovely, I am going to encourage you to at least sit down and do a LOT of internal self-reflection, and reading up on sexuality on Wikipedia, or, just doing a bit of Googling I found the Bisexuality Resource Centre and I don’t know what its reputation is amongst other bis, but just like AVEN helped me as a STARTING POINT to understanding who I am, perhaps that site will also help you as you begin this journey. From there, like I did, you’ll find some terms and other books you can read and Google and begin to formulate your own opinions and understanding about you. Here’s an interesting article on wikiHow that talks about trying to define friendship from romantic feelings. And another one here from Psychology Today on Platonic love. 

So, where does that leave you with your friend, then? I think it’s important for me to note here that it’s VERY IMPORTANT that through your journey, you NEED to also take your friend’s feelings into consideration; PLEASE don’t lead him on if you have no intention of following through. It’s very possible that you and your best friend are just SO comfortable with each other that seeking physical contact is y’all’s way of expressing your appreciation and platonic love for each other. Chances are good, depending on where you live, that he feels constantly on-guard when he’s in public and when he’s with his family, so letting his guard down around you is a high honour that you should NOT exploit. Cuddle and hug, there’s nothing wrong with that; there IS such a thing and queerplatonic life partners / relationships (my best friends have this very thing, in fact), and you guys could love each other very much and get everything you need out of a relationship without sex.

Here’s where it gets tricky and scary, though, Lovely, and it may be better to address it before it morphs into something that will irreparably damage your friendship. I think in this case it may be worth talking to your friend about your confusion, but don’t necessarily say it’s because of him. Express to him that you’ve been having some feelings lately that you’re not sure about, and you’re currently trying to learn about yourself and his opinions and strength will be valued. If he is your best friend, he will encourage you and be a shoulder for you while you navigate your emotions. He should be able to provide you with that “in the know” knowledge of how you can understand yourself so that you will be happier and less confused. Men so often don’t talk about their feelings, and trust me, it will be beneficial to you in this case, I think. Talking makes it REAL. Keeping it to yourself only internalizes it and can fester wrong conclusions.

Will it become awkward between y’all? Maybe, possibly, or not. The cuddles may stop, if only so that you guys don’t get your feelings mixed up with your friendship. But know that everything will be OKAY at the end of it all. My self-discovery journey took 4 years, so it’s NOT an overnight thing. But having someone you trust to talk about it, and to acknowledge it makes you feel more valid. And in the end, if it becomes something else or not, at least you know a lot more about you and about where you want to stand in your relationship with your best friend.

Now, I’ve avoided saying this next bit up until this point because the important thing to focus on is YOU, BUT. There’s ALSO the slight possibility that you guys got yourself into a Sherlock-and-John situation where he’s ENDLESSLY pining for his only-dated-women-since-we’ve-been-together best friend, and he’s keeping quiet because he loves you and your friendship is more important to him than losing you… which is why he allows the cuddles with you. IF that scenario is the case, AGAIN, you guys NEED to talk about it so you’re not leading each other on. A strong friendship will survive an emotional upheaval / revelation like that, and even if nothing comes of it, you guys will still be besties.

Bah, sorry it took me so long to answer this, Lovely. I was crying the whole time I wrote this because I’m a sap and it reminds me of my own “oh shit I’m not broken” moment. That and I am SO worried that your friendship will break, but you guys seem to be very close so the TL;DR version of this is: TALK. Honestly, many problems are solved with open and honest communication, and having someone close to you hold your hand on your journey will be a welcome thing to have.

In the end, this is YOUR decision to make, so have a think on it, weigh your options, and do what your heart feels is right.

If any of my followers experienced something similar, or if I have erred anywhere, please feel free to add your own, Lovelies, so that Nonny doesn’t feel so alone and so that they can know that everything will be alright.