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dark-night-star-light · 3 months

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Spirit Animals: Tales of the Great Beasts: Ninani's Nectar (Reread pt. 19)

DISCLAIMER: WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE FIRST AND SECOND SERIES AND THE BOOK OF SHANE.

Masterpost

The rest of the Tales of the Great Beasts Reread

"Tepin realized that he was actually lying on water, drifting backward. The current was picking up speed. He turned around and gasped, just in time to see the edge of a waterfall flash into view. With a scream, Tepin plunged over the side" (2). I love how we're told that Briggan is like. The dream Great Beast. But canonically, they can all control dreams. That is so funny.

Right now I'm wondering why the heck this guy is getting these dreams. What. Why him??? Why is he special?

"But there was something familiar about the bird" (3). Yeah, I would fucking hope so. She's a Great Beast.

It's genuinely so interesting that they decided to go the route of "Tepin doesn't have a spirit animal" for the story. Obviously, I adore spirit animals, but genuinely, this was refreshing.

"But Ifa was sick, and her illness had become serious enough that she had been taken to live with the village’s healer" (3). Wondering when she summoned Cachi. Had to have been recent, right? Or does bonding sickness take time to set it???

"The first time Gobe had tried climbing, he made it all the way up without looking down. Tepin’s father had never seemed prouder" (5). Jealous siblings, my beloved. I love that trope. It slaps pretty much every time. The parent favoritism . . . the angst . . . the need to be perfect . . .

Honestly, it's kind of sad that they never resolve this tension between Tepin, Gobe, and their father. Could've been a cool character moment. Like. They're just going to leave the strained relationship strained???

"Of their father’s alpacas, Shumbi was Tepin’s favorite. She was usually the first awake too. And the first to bleat in the early morning light, crying for her breakfast. For that reason, she was Gobe’s least favorite anything" (5). Gobe's just like me for real.

"Cachi, you know what to do," Tepin said. But Cachi wasn’t acting like himself. He burrowed into Tepin’s own bed" (6). The idea htat you can get the bonding sickness later is so heartbreaking. Imagine you summon a spirit animal with no bonding sickness. So you think you must be one of the lucky ones that escaped without it. You begin to enjoy your spirit animal and the perks that come with it. But then it hits you. And it only gets worse with time.

"Tepin knew little about the mysterious woman. Only that she was newly home from a great war" (6). Is nobody educating these children on the First Devourer War??? Are they all trying to pretend it didn't happen or something???

"Greencloaks were supposed to be good, not evil. Everyone knew that" (6). I love how this is like. The thesis statement of the entire series.

"'She hasn’t come out of her house since she first returned from Stetriol'" (7). So then they do know that she was in Stetriol? But no other details about the war? Also, I'm wondering when Stetriol was wiped off the map. Did the actual Greencloaks that fought in the war even have a say in that, or was it the new generation of Greencloaks that did that? Because it seems like everyone is still aware of what that it right now.

I love how Anyati is like. The village's healer, but everyone also thinks she's a witch. Like, yeah, send her all your sick and injured, but also talk behind her back about how she's a witch because she . . . collects things to make. Medicine. This village is so silly.

"Was it something the Greencloak was doing?" (7). I love how for half this book, Tepin is scared to death of Anyati because he heard a rumor about her from his brother who he doesn't even like. That is such peak pre-teen behavior.

"'I have dreams much bigger than this mountain. One day I hope to travel all across Erdas, selling my carpets as I go'" (9). I love how Ifa didn't even want to be a Greencloak. She just wanted to chill out. I feel like that's so much more tragic, since Greencloaks are supposed to be seen as heroes that risk their lives, but Ifa literally just wanted a quiet life.

Okay, so. We all agree that Anyati keeps her place creepy on purpose, right? Like. She does that very much on purpose. She's trying to spread these rumors about herself. This is so funny. Like, she's so stereotypically witchy that she has to be trying to do this. I love her so much.

"It was headed for his neck! Tepin screamed louder, trying to shake the animal off of him. He didn’t want to find out if the bat sucked blood, as Gobe claimed" (13). See, the funny thing is, vampire bats don't even drink human blood. They exclusively drink animal blood.

"Tepin could see why people might think Anyati was a witch. But as best as he could tell, she was sincerely trying to help Ifa" (14). I love how not even a full page ago, he was accusing her of making Ifa sick. He literally changes his mind because he saw her examine Ifa's blood. That's what changed his mind. Honestly, Tepin needs to commit to his belief that Anyati's a witch. It would be so funny if he thought Anyati was examining Ifa's blood to decide what potion to make out of it or something.

"'It’s bonding sickness,' the Greencloak muttered, almost to herself" (14). She doesn't know this already? How long has Ifa been with her?

Tepin is so silly. Anyati asks him if Ifa's been having weird dreams and he just goes, "Well, I had a weird dream" (not a quote, a paraphrase).

Anyati's response to Tepin talking about his dream is so funny. Like, pop off, girlie, I would say that, too.

"'Ninani sided with the Four Fallen— with Briggan, Uraza, Jhi, and Essix—though she didn’t join them in the final battle against the Devourer. She blamed the Bile for the war. At least, that’s the story I was told.' Tepin didn’t know anything about the Bile, aside from what the Greencloak had told their village when she returned from the far-off continent of Stetriol" (17). Okay, so this means that Tepin (and assumedly the rest of the village) have a baseline level of knowledge about the war, right? Also, I think it's so interesting how they talk about Stetriol relatively normally. Like, there's no talk of wiping it off the map yet? Huh.

"'The swan revealed herself to me!' Tepin argued. 'She was waiting at the top of a waterfall. She must want to be found'" (17). Yeah, but . . . why? Why did Ninani choose Tepin of all people? (My personal theory is that since Ninani is the giver of Nectar, she also has the ability to tell whether someone will be able to summon a spirit animal or not. Maybe she chose Tepin because she knew he'd be the next in the village to summon a spirit animal and she wanted to save him from the bonding sickness with her Nectar before anyone else??? Not confirmed, but it makes some sense, I guess.)

Honestly, the relationship writing is a little bit lax for me. Like Tepin is so willing to immediately risk his life for Ifa, which, yeah, she's his friend, but, like. Come on. This is a little extreme. We saw one conversation between them where we're sort of explicitly told that they're friends, and it was sweet, but this seems a little too much. Tepin had no second thoughts about charging straight into a dangerous forest on the chance that Ninani would be able to cure Ifa. There should've been more scenes of Ifa and Tepin's relationship to really flesh it out and make it more dimensional. Maybe Tepin saw the sibling he never had in Gobe in Ifa, instead. Maybe he was scared to lose her because he knows he won't find that same love in his father or brother. Or maybe he confided in her about his issues with his father's favoritism or something that makes their relationship have more depth. Also, this is a kid that's not even old enough to have a spirit animal yet. I get that he's supposed to be noble, but it just falls flat for me.

[cut because block limit]

"'What do you want?' Tepin screamed in the animal’s direction" (20). Tepin: I know there's an animal hunting me, stalking me, trailing me for half a mile. Or more. Also Tepin: *screams at it* Some more peak pre-teen behavior from our silly little guy. I love him so much.

"He hurried toward the sound, and eventually the thick forest gave way to the moonlit water" (20). Friendly reminder that this dork (/aff) didn't even wait until morning. It's the middle of the night right now.

"The animal cocked its head to one side. There was a yellow patch of hair on its neck, like a small bib. Whatever the creature was, it didn’t seem to want to harm Tepin" (21). I wonder what animal this is.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Tepin never expresses a desire to have a spirit animal. And this is before he knew about the bonding sickness. That seems interesting.

"The boy opened his eyes to see what was biting him. His body had drifted into the branches of a fallen tree, which stabbed at his skin and clothes" (22). Okay, that was Tonga, right? Tonga saved him??? Is this confirmed?

"'Will it save me?' he asked the swan. Ninani nodded gracefully. The marble stone was as heavy as a granadilla fruit. It seemed to glow in the boy’s hand. 'Will it save Ifa?' Tepin asked. But when he looked up, the swan was already gone" (23). The foreshadowing . . . also this is definitely strengthening my theory that Ninani reached out to Tepin of all people because she knew he was going to be the next in the village to summon a spirit animal and wanted to save him from the bonding sickness.

"Tepin watched Anyati’s strained face as Tonga sucked her blood" (24). I get what the writers were trying to do, but vampire bats don't drink human blood.

"It must have been a long time since anyone had shown the secretive Greencloak any affection" (26). This is so sad. I wonder why she isolated herself. Maybe because of the war? Maybe she didn't want to constantly explain her trauma to other people or something?

"Perhaps it was he who had killed her? Tepin had greedily taken all of the Great Beast’s power, leaving nothing to save Ifa" (26). Oh, this poor kid. I don;t know how to explain it, but this almost feels like survivor's guilt? Like a mix of guilt and grief.

"'Why do you assume it’s the human who chooses the animal?' the Greencloak asked the boy. 'Or that there’s any choice at all?'" (27). You know, considering pretty much every village or town has someone that's summoned a spirit animal, it's really strange that Tepin doesn't know how it works. But I guess maybe that's how it was before the Bile, when people's spirit animals just appeared out of nowhere and there was no ceremony?

"'There is . . . pain best left behind in war. It isn’t easily shared with those who don’t know it themselves. There are things I have to live with that will die with me. Understand?'" (28). YOOOOOOOO, I predicted it??? The reason she cut herself off from everyone else in the village?

"Tepin walked straight up to the waterfall’s edge. Once he reached the sheer face of the stone, he took a deep breath and began to climb. He had seen his brother do it every morning. Except the cliff was always dry when Gobe scaled it" (29). Look, I get that this is a short story, but I still think it's completely unreasonable that Tepin goes from never having climbed a cliff to climbing a steep, soaking wet, tall one. Couldn't there have been some scenes where he tries to climb other cliffs, maybe in the jungle or something, and fails, but now he knows he can't do that, which motivates him to abandon his fear? It's not just about fear; there's also like. The sheer skill of climbing a cliff face.

"'Pull with your arms and push with your legs,' Gobe had told him once" (29). Rollan-Gobe parallels??? Rollan says something super similar in The Dragon's Eye.

"'The harm caused by the war is permanent. The natural bonds between humans and animals have been jeopardized for generations to come. Perhaps forever" (32). The writers will always be geniuses for making it so that the Bile caused the bonding sickness, but is also able to heal it. That is the most awesome full-circle worldbuilding thing they could have done. Like, it just shows that nothing, not even the Bile, is completely bad.

"Fleshy white flowers sweetened the misty air. Ninani picked one of the flowers with her huge black beak and dropped it at the boy’s feet" (32). It's so interesting how the Bile and the Nectar work differently in terms of creation. The Bile worked by submerging it in water, which turned to Bile, but the Nectar literally creates flowers. Out of nowhere. There's something there somewhere, I know it.

"His mouth filled immediately with the sweet memory of granadilla fruit" (32). It's cute how the way Tepin experiences the Nectar ties back to his earliest memories of Anyati.

"'If I have to devote the rest of my life to it,' he said, 'I will keep your talisman safe, and bring this gift to all who need it'" (34). Gotta love the irony there. At this point in time, it's well-known what Stetriol is. So did they wipe them off the map after this incident because they didn't want them to have the Nectar? Hmmmmm . . .

"'Thank you . . . my Keeper,' she said finally" (34). I am an idiot for not realizing that the Keeper is. The Keeper of the Nectar. Wow. Good job, me.

Also, Tepin's tayra doesn't have a canon name??? Awwww.

"Wherever the Nectar of Ninani goes, may you also follow" (34). Okay, that was cute as hell.

Final thoughts and rating:

I loved the journey Tepin went through . . . in theory. Though I do think it was a bit rushed, he did have a nice character arc. Anyati is such a great character, and I love the subtle themes of trauma and isolation that are attached to her character. Tepin summoning a tayra after having been saved by one was a neat touch. I really liked that. I think Ifa could have been a great character if fleshed out more, and I liked the way Tepin grieved for her. That last line definitely hit me so hard, with what and the parallels between the Nectar, which couldn't save Ifa, and Ifa, who wanted to travel the world like the Nectar will now do. That was definitely an awesome decision on the writer's part.

I didn't like that Tepin's family life issues were never really resolved or talked about. His dad clearly has a case of favoritism, and Tepin's relationship with his brother needed more fleshing out. They should've taken it out if they didn't have the room for it, in my opinion. I also think Ifa and Tepin's relationship needed some serious fleshing out. It had no depth to it and felt completely flat. The readers need to understand why Tepin would do such a noble thing for her, especially considering his age, and their relationship doesn't really back that up for me. Tepin's arc was also way too rushed. He needed some time to fail and fail again before he could succeed. The fact that Ninani reached out to Tepin specifically also needed a reason. It just seems like she chose him randomly, because there story doesn't bother with an explanation for that.

Rating: 7/10

#draeyem rereads spirit animals #ninani's nectar #spirit animals series #spirit animals books #spirit animals #spirit animals thoughts

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f-oighear · 4 months

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Hi Oighear! 💕

For your writer's ask game what about 91, 47 and 12?

Heyyy! Thanks for the ask!

91. how has your writing style changed over the years?

I learned punctuation.

I started by writing exclusively dialogues! It was like screenplays but with no directions. Then, one day, I tried narration because why not? And I had a lot of fun with it.

I went wayyy back with this one fhkjssfd. But in the recent years, I think I've started writing with more substance? The SAU is funny because from chapter one to the last chapter you can really see how it evolved. Erase My First Words To You is literally just the things that need to happen happen and there's very little room for introspection, descriptions, etc. From Your World on (arguably from Where The Heart Is too), it gets more dense; there's more substance. At least that's how it feels to me.

47. what story are you most proud of?

Ughhh. Tough one... I think it's Blue Hours/Begin Again (they work together). They were out of my comfort zone — I tried something new with the narration — and I like the way it came out? I also had to diverge from canon with the event that kickstarts the entire Ace Attorney series not happening exactly as it did so there was... a lot to consider.

Ofc there's also the Soulmate AU because completing that monstrously long thing was a big achievement in itself fhjdksd.

12. do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that?

Yep, I'm only human. Sooooo, there are two ways of doing it:

I tell myself I can choose not to write if I don't want to because I'm free, this isn't a job, and it's supposed to be fun.

If I'm publishing something weekly and I want to get a chapter out... I use all my prep class tricks to get myself to focus.

Here are some of the tricks:

write somewhere else (laptops are such a great invention);

write something else (when I was tired of working on literature, I switched to geography and that's the same with fics fhdks);

go for a walk/a run/dance for a while (anything to get out of the thing to come back to it physically exhausted and ready to focus);

get myself a nice little drink (usually, it's water— I'm bland like that) and sip the thing as I reread the wip;

force the words out. literally just write the thing. doesn't matter if it's good or not;

alternate between 'automatic/mechanical' work and 'creative' work -> edit for a while, then write from scratch, then plan, etc.;

lie down on the floor and stop thinking about work for thirty minutes (timed);

do the thing I want to do and write later when I'm refreshed (losing 30 minutes watching that episode is worth it— you're more efficient afterwards);

take a nap;

do house chores or silly little tasks I've put off for weeks and focus on those (don't think about writing);

bake (again, don't think about writing— any activity that's repetitive and/or have clear instructions where you can't go wrong);

write the scene I'm stuck on from scratch, with no reference to the one I've already written, just to get the writing going;

I always write with music, but some work better than others to focus so I can switch to those when I'm having trouble;

sugar gives you a quick rush of energy but you'll crash out in a bit— it's still an emergency trick that works (I guess coffee or tea do the job too);

handing out the paper half-baked. The writing equivalent is 'this chapter wasn't edited as thoroughly as usual, but it was edited sufficiently and I need to let it go or I'll drive myself insane' but unlike the paper, you can always come back and edit the thing when you're in a better place.

Tbh the tricks don't always work all the time and sometimes I know they won't work. But welp. Here you go!

#asks-fo #writing asks

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embossross · 2 years

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ross that last chapter was really soo evil omg it seriously made cry and then re-evaluate my entire life bc if i'm crying over a fictional bdsm relationship ending because one admitted to falling in love then i need to be serious about the priorities in my life but as someone who voted for posting this chapter in half from the 15k chapter, i think it really was a good call. just to give us a little break from that bombshell, yeah.

the entire read was amazing as always like reading it from rindou's perspective gave it a whole new tone which made it feel refreshing even though this was the first chapter i actually cried from. you really are such a talented writer and i just know that i can reread this series over and over again and never get tired :]

don't forget to keep looking after yourself between now and the next chapter :] i'll be waiting patiently with my cheeks dried with the same tears for that one to come out :P

you cried???? i'm so fucking flattered and happy to hear that. i don't want you to reevaluate. if you're crying, that means you're connecting with what i'm writing, and i'm squealing about that. (p.s. i cried to a rerun of house today, so...i'm with ya)

i think cutting it was the right call too. we've gotta sit with it as time passes, just like reader.

rindou is always harder to write. i have to begrudgingly cut all sorts of things that feel wrong from his perspective and then i get grouchy, but i like the effect too! i'm seriously still reeling and happy that you cried. thank you for going on this journey with me!!!

#like the definition of the 😍😍😍😍😍 emoji #thank you so much #asks

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bmacreadz · 2 years

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"Kingdom of the Feared" by Kerri Maniscalco

"Kingdom of the Feared" was filled with revelations regarding Emilia's story. All of the mysteries that emerged from the first two books were revealed, and we finally discovered the secrets that had been hiding in plain sight. However, as old mysteries unraveled, new ones formed, and I can't help but to feel like this book was only an introduction to an entirely new story. It was the perfect ending to usher in a new beginning, and I sincerely hope that we will get the chance to visit these characters again with a new main character (I'm looking at you, Maniscalco).

I truly, genuinely enjoyed this series, and "Kingdom of the Feared" tied it all together with a seemingly happy ending. Who knows how long the happy ending will last - given the fact that this story takes place in literal Hell. But, I think Kerri Maniscalco wanted to portray what most authors neglect to acknowledge: that the characters' stories continue on, even when the final page is read. They do not have an ending - they will not have an ending, since we are talking about immortals, here. There will always be something brewing in their world. I just hope we won't have to miss ALL of it...

Kerri Maniscalco's writing in this book was magnificent. She landed every hit - enticing all the right emotions, finally giving the reader what they wanted at exactly the right time. She never missed a beat. Sometimes, when reading a book riddled with mystery, I get so irritated when the author tries to create a new focus without addressing the first one. With "Kingdom of the Feared," I never found myself getting annoyed when Emilia didn't get the answers right away. I don't know how Maniscalco did this so well. Each revelation seemed equally desirable. Despite not quite figuring it all out at first, each new discovery that Emilia made promised to get us where we wanted to be in the end. I was entranced, and I quite literally could not put this book down. Finally, at the end of this particular story, everything made sense. Everything clicked, and it was awe-inspiring how good this series turned out to be.

I want to point out one of the over-arching themes in this series, and I hope it doesn't reveal too much to those who have yet to read it. Maniscalco, from the beginning, seemed focused on turning friends into enemies and enemies into friends. As Emilia's world shattered around her, those who she believed she could never trust seemed to be the only ones who truly understood her and supported her. While those who she had always trusted seemed to be totally against her. I LOVED this so much. It was the peak of my enjoyment in this series to see friendship replace hatred, love replace fear, and anger replace foolishness. It was like breathing a new life into this newly beloved character of mine - refreshing, beautiful, and twisted. There was only one constant in Emilia's life, who remained a friend - and that is the person I HAVE to know more about. I need to know how the rest of her story unfolds. But, alas, that is a discussion for another time.

I am sure that I will be thinking of this story for a long while. I'm already excited to read it again, but I want to complete my reading goal for the year before I come back to it. I think reading this in the perspective of someone who knows how it ends will make it all the more interesting. And series like this are destined to be read and reread. These are my first books that I've read by Maniscalco, but I have a newfound love in her stories and I will be getting my hands on her others. Thanks to you, Kerri Maniscalco, I will be adding a 13th, 14th, and 15th book to my all-time favorites list.

#book review #kingdom of the feared #kerri maniscalco

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baeshijima · 7 days

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I NEED TO WATCH THE DONGHUA i told myself that i will... and never got around it 😭 i could read the entire novel in like 10 days including a one day break (haha... blackwater arc...) and yet i cant get myself to watch a single episode 😞 duality of a man

hualian is rly just having their little love story full of yearning and pining whle everyone else around them suffer </3 they didn't want us to be happy for too long i fear. we had to feel xie lian's pain or something because that man didnt catch a break in his life either 😭😭

YEAH RIGHT like i understand he xuan. i really do. i would be absolutely furious if someone just stole the life i was meant to have?? not to mention the terrible TERRIBLE fate his family and he xuan himself suffered... no revenge would be enough ngl </3 which really makes me wonder if he felt any kind of true satisfaction after doing it??? the man that ruined his life is dead and his life purpose has been fulfilled, but also sqx suffered a LOT because of that and... man he was innocent at the end of the day!! how do you move on from that!! especially since his relationship with sqx was already so complicated...

it makes me think how swd and hx are kinda similar honestly AAAA moving past the obvious that both are related to water (and funnily enough both sink ships but for different reasons), they both were willing to do a lot for people they care about... swd with the entire fate switching thing to ensure sqx lives a good life, hx with all the things he did during his mortal life to try to help his family... and they both kept things hidden from sqx 😔

DONT EVEN REMIND ME OF THIS AUGHHHH "you called the wrong person" man do you want me to cry. i think yes HAHSHSH IT PAINS ME SO BADLYYY absolutely heartbreaking moment, heart shattered into many pieces dont talk to me im unwell!! i haTE IT THEREEE

THE ART IS SO PRETTY BUT IT HURTSSSS literally cries and evaporates. sqx come on come here im gonna give you a hug MANY HUGS HE NEEDS THEM!!!! need to have a talk with mxtx because he went through all that FOR WHAT

... 😃😃 i do not wish to be a part of this symphony bye bye! count me out! i need to know what inspired that person to do this and have a nice talk why would they do that 😭😭😭 theres nothing sparkles dolphins happiness about beefleaf only despair anguish suffering and my tears

PLS i watched the donghua first when it first released on netflix like a year or two ago and then discovered there was a whole set of novels for the series and my life hasnt been the same since 🧍‍♀️ but yes same here... i really should just set aside time to reread the novel and refresh everything despite all the tears i most definitely will be shedding for the characters ;w;

fr 😭 honestly very much in love with the audio and art choice for the hualian drama tho bc it has both that romantic devotion of hua cheng + xie lian coming to terms with the fact he wanted this, as well as that eerie feeling that smth isnt quite right mainly with hua cheng and his condition + the dark stylistic choice of the art... huhu love it so much .... also qi rong was so 😭😭 he was such a menace i was crying

NO BC??? he xuan having to watch all of that happen to him and his family, watch someone else take the life meant for him, as his whole world comes crashing down from the unjustified deaths of his family and then himself, and then having to watch that person who ended up living his life be so carefree and innocent not knowing what it cost to live as such??? man. i genuinely cannot even begin to fathom how much pain and anguish and grief is in him. and then growing to care for that person, or at least the unyielding kindness in which they showed, must have been another blow to his grief and everything he stood for ;w;

and gosh my baby shi qingxuan basically being the collateral in this scenario and still being willing to accept death as punishment despite not being the one at fault, but if it meant atoning for the sins /him/ and his brother committed to hx and his family then he would go through with it.... and him rather choosing the option to sacrifice himself and switch his fate for one of the other souls as opposed to beheading shi wudu, arguing that its better to live a worse life then die a good life while swd is trying to get him to commit the alternative option bc a life without his brother is a life worse than death itself and he would rather die than see sqx become what would have been, only to switch up after and try to take them both down together bc he was convinced sqx wouldnt be able to live 😭

AND THEN when hx literally um. yknow. to swd arm to separate him from sqx while. um. yknow. despite wanting them both to suffer in some way, but ended up showing that, in his own way, he didnt want sqx to be in pain. sqx screaming crying and basically throwing up definitely moved him even tho he said he wouldnt be moved, and it showed esp during that scene 😭 i think swd picked up on that too bc he started laughing and taunting hx ("what are you laughing at?"//"i laugh at you, thinking you have the upper hand!") into killing him so that sqx wouldnt have to, betting on the fact he could create a third option by using the care hx undeniably has for sqx... he may have been a shitty person, but swd was a great brother ;w;;

also the fact that hx was literally in a lose-lose situation bc he gave them two options and told them they could only pick from those, only to lose composure when swd tried to take both him and sqx down, then got taunted by swd laughing at his misfortune and getting the last laugh while sqx is desperately begging him to stop talking and provoking hx, ultimately leading into hx killing swd himself, and then having to see sqx lose his will to live.... ourgh.... and dont even get me started on the fact he couldnt even move on as a ghost despite fulfilling his meaning for existence (the revenge), and how sqx is basically whats kept him tethered down but he can only watch from the sidelines as sqx lives his life... they shouldve just talked gdi.......

swd: he (sqx) really knew nothing from beginning to end! hx: that's why he's even more hateful! why doesn't he know?!

;w;;

hx: i gave you a chance!

the chance(s) in question probably not even being made clear to sqx and it was just hx assuming that sqx would know it was a "it's me or your brother" kinda choice but each to their own hx ;w;

swd: ...but qingxuan's crime is not punishable by death, you... hx: then who among my family of five is guilty? who should die?

WHEN I SAY THIS BROKE ME I MEAN THIS SHATTERED ME !!! swd saying sqx doesnt deserve to die and hx retaliating with the "then did my entire deserve their unjustifiable deaths?!" will never not destroy me and having heard it in the ad... its a whole other type of depression on god

hx: do you have anything to say? sqx: ...i want to die. hx: dream on.

FUCK THEMMMM I HATE IT HERE WHY CANT WE HAVE NICE THINGS WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO TRAGIC WHY COULDNT HX JUST FULFIL HIS REVENGE BY MARRYING SQX BC WE ALL KNOW THAT WOULD PISS SWD OFF THE MOST BUT NO THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS ARC AND THE WORST PART IS ALL THEIR ACTIONS ARE JUSTIFIABLE TO WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH AND OURGHGDFG

laughing through the pain like genuinely. it was so foul to have the hualian teehee but also not really teehee but still very much teehee scene and then go straight into beefleaf depression what is life what is the point of life why am i here just to suffer scene...

(we ignore the one para of hualian compared to the beefleaf essay bc hualian is a whole other bag i am not ready to open with everything they have going on 🧍‍♀️ i need another five years at least to mentally and emotionally recover from the blackwater arc audio drama 🧍‍♀️)

#omg a convo !?#mutuals !!#um. on that note.#he xuan voice teehee 👉👈#no but i could go on and on about hx like i am being so so serious #he is just so !!! OURGH GRIPS HIM #what could have been.... this is why we have fix-it fics.....

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iguessilovebakugou · 4 years

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In Search of Silver Linings, We Discovered Gold || Bakugou x Fem!Reader (x Shinsou) || Happier pt 3 || Series

I really feel like Sleeping At Last’s “Two” resonates with Shinsou in this one. But also for the Reader towards Bakugou just like...in general. Also, I would suggest Gang of Youth’s “Achilles, Come Down” as well. And Lauren Aquilina’s “Fools”.

One day I’m going to make a playlist for this fucking series - and then you bitches will be sorry.

I’m sorry it took so long to get this part out. I feel like nothing I would write would live up to what I did 2 years ago now. So I really hope that people like this one just as much as the others.

Part One! Part Two!

Word Count: 7.7K TW: Smooching, Death Mention

“Hey, you okay?”

It should be so easy to explain to them what you were feeling. They where there with you. They went through the same thing you had, right? You were right there with Ochaco, sat right by her side and watched her tell Mr. Aizawa...you should be able to just...

“Yeah,” You offered Asui a bright smile. “Just...tired. These make up classes are just...they’re really killer, you know?”

The dorm had been quiet by the time the raid team had made their way home from their extra classes. Everyone had already gone to bed, the common area devoid of life by the time you had settled on the couches. And you were happy for it. Ever since...well, it had been a bit harder to be around everyone. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that after everything that had happened, happened. And you were supposed to just...move on from it. Keep going forward. No time to process.

You pulled out your phone to check your messages. You had hoped Shinsou would have at least texted you - but you had been left on read. You tried not to be upset about it and instead, pretended to go to another app and check your messages there. You even got comfortable and put an arm behind your head - yep, perfectly relaxed and not at all wanting to break down on the inside.

Tsu’s big bright eyes stared down at you. You wondered if she felt the same - if Kirishima, Izuku or Ochaco felt the same. You wondered if sometimes, during class, they just lifted their heads, looked around at your classmates and felt...so out of place. The only way you could describe it was like stumbling in the middle of a skit being performed in the middle of a park, and no one seemed to quite realize you weren’t actually an extra.

But you didn’t want to run the risk of looking at her. If she looked at you, she might realize that you hadn’t come to terms with what happened - with Nighteye, Lemillion, with that poor girl, Eri. And that wouldn’t do. That might lead into her asking what was wrong. And what were you supposed to do then? Answer her honestly? Come to terms with your feelings like a rational, level headed adult?

You? Nah. Never.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Once you were certain her back was towards you, you risked a glance in her direction.

Your body ached, your eyes were sore, and your mind felt blank but busy at the same time. You weren’t sure where to begin with everything, where to start with trying to catch up. But this had become your norm, and as sad as it was, it felt like your body was accommodating to the drama that had become commonplace in your life. You watched as she met Ochaco at the base of the steps leading up to the rooms. She seemed surprised when you didn’t move to join them, turning to give you a concerned glance and a lip pout - for extra measure.

You smiled, lifting up your phone and giving it a little wave. “I think I’m just going to hang out down here before heading to bed.”

“Oh,” She muttered softly. “Okay, if you’re sure?”

You knew she wasn’t buying the act - whatever it was - in the slightest. You knew Nighteye’s death hit her hard. A lot harder than you. As it should have - you had tried to use your quirk to defend her and Nighteye, only to be overpowered and rendered unconscious when it mattered most so you weren’t technically cognizant when she had made her getaway. But it must have been terrible, holding a man in your arms as he died. And yet here you are moping about it. What gives you the right?

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Another smile, this time a little wider. “Got some videos to watch, don’t want to run the risk of waking anyone up.”

You turned, ending the conversation there. You stared at your phone, sitting on the home screen and not bothering to look back once you heard them make the ascent up the stairs to their respective rooms. It had been getting harder and harder to sleep these past few days and you couldn’t spend another restless night staring at the same four walls anymore. Watching the same videos, rereading the same texts, you would go insane. With an exasperated sigh, you tossed your phone to the side. Hands found your face, fingers rubbing your eyes while reclining back, letting out a slow, low groan.

The lights in the common room were dim, just enough to find your way in case you stumbled down here in the middle of the night. It was a small comfort, you figured to yourself, to have this moment alone. To sit in the quiet and listen to the sounds of your friends around you, of the dorm settling snuggly down for another night’s rest. And there you were, sitting by yourself in the common room. Trying to decide if you were still mourning for a man you spoke to maybe a handful of times before you watched him get impaled on a spike or if you were ready to move on from it all. Your head fell back limply against the edge of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as you tried to push any semblance of thought from your mind. You just needed this one minute, one second for your entire world to just...stop running away from you.

If I could just get to him in time, maybe I could, I could help. I could save him and be a hero and...

God, how dramatic could you get. At least you hadn’t held the man in your arms as he lay dying.

With a sigh, you sat yourself back up and went back to your messages, pulling up the chat with Shinsou. You hoped he was free. Maybe even free enough to talk. The empty feeling finding home in your chest was becoming too much. You could use him, right now. Maybe you could convince him to leave and come over. You could watch a movie and just talk until you passed out.

Like friends did.

And if he was there, maybe it would so much easier to stay asleep.

Hey. We just got home. Hope you’re...

Nope, delete. Didn’t sound right.

Hey! You free right now? I can’t sleep so

Nope, too eager.

Shinsou, you loser get your ass over here

Nothing was coming out the way you wanted it to. Nothing had ever sounded right. You had so many things you wanted to say and yet never seemed to have the energy for it anymore. Is this depression? Do you have depression? Do people who have depression know they have depression without being diagnosed with depression?

You bit your lip, chewed on it until it grew sore and red and angry. You needed your friend. Your best friend. Your only friend. You missed hanging out with him, missed being able to text him weird shit and get a selfie of him looking bored at the camera just cause he knew it would make you laugh. Cause you knew the weird shit you sent him made him laugh. You wanted to see his face, to hear his voice. You wanted it to go back before the dorms, back before whatever extra curricular thing he was doing. But it wasn’t like he was doing this on purpose! He was busy and you were just being fucking dramatic and needlessly stupid you didn’t even see Nighteye die but Deku did and he is holding himself together so much better and you would be okay if...if...

Why were you fucking crying now???????

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

“Hey.”

Given the recent events in your life, his gruff voice shattering the quiet of your isolation should have been expected. Nevertheless, it still sent your heart skyrocketing into your throat. You thought everyone had gone to bed and you could be a miserable wretch on your own time. You jumped, sending your phone clattering to the ground and sliding under the coffee table. The giant...granite...coffee table. “Ah, shit, shit...” You fell to your knees, trying to make a grab for it. “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

“I thought I would find you down here.”

Shinsou had hardly heard from you since the night you got back from the raid. He had seen the news that something had happened. When you didn’t answer his morning text, he just hoped you were just being your normal self. When you didn’t show up at lunch, he feared the worst. He paced his room, hardly ate, did nothing but refresh his news feed to see if your name flashed by as a causality. He figured no news was good news but waiting to hear from you was the hardest thing he ever had to do. And the fact you hadn’t told him you were going in the first place and had to find out about it by overhearing one of your classmates mention it?

Ample payback it seemed. Secrets had become your duo’s new norm - and he hated it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We were told not to say anything to anyone. I’m sorry, Shinsou.”

Your voice had sounded so off, so different in what little words you spoke. Silence had never been so poignant until he experienced it from you. As he laid in bed and stared at the phone on his pillow, his heart broke with each toss and turn he could hear from you. He sat quietly, for that whole 2 hours as you tried to make sense of what you had just been through that day. But you never said more than a few words and, even so, those were just a mask to hide the rest of the truth you wanted to keep hidden. He listened, patiently, as you tried to place it all in order so you could begin to move past it.

He hoped he had helped - in what little way he could. In what minute way you had allowed him. You were closing off and he so desperately wanted to cry out for you. But he stayed quiet.

And he felt entirely useless.

He didn’t know exactly what happened; only what little information he had heard from Mr. Aizawa and even that had been bits and pieces. Confidential, he said. Bullshit, Shinsou thought. If he was going to try to begin to figure out a solution to...whatever it was that plagued you, to lift your spirits, he needed to know exactly what happened. But, when Shinsou had asked if you had been involved, if you were alright...?

“You’re friends with her, right? She didn’t really seem to want to talk about it when I asked her after the fact. But I figure that’s just because I’m her teacher. Maybe you should be the one to check in on her instead. She might actually open up to you.”

Open up to him.

And that was the problem wasn’t it? Something that always seemed to stand right between the two of you, pushing you in separate directions - opening up to each other. It was a thought that occurred to him as he watched you spin your spoon around in your soup, but refused to eat. The two of you had no problems talking, especially you. You talked a lot, and he...didn’t. You suited him fine. More than fine.

But what is talking if you’re not saying anything? What was the point of being friends if you couldn’t even rely on each other to keep a secret, to lean on each other when everything seemed so fucking terrible. Had he done you a disservice, hiding things from you? Had he given you the impression that you couldn’t come to him for something so small as a crush on...ah, for something really small? Had you transitioned from “don’t want to bother him with something silly” to “I can’t talk to him anymore period”?

Shinsou had always been the more straightforward one. Where you seemed to be an endless supply of needless conversation and seemed to always dance around subjects, Shinsou was the one who could give it to you as plainly as possible. And you knew that. You knew him better than anyone, could understand him better than anyone.

So when he didn’t give it to you as honestly, as plainly as he could have, it would stand to reason that you would be sent tumbling.

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

The text had come as a surprise. Shinsou had been trying to sleep, but it was a rare commodity those days. His mind swirled with thoughts of you. Of how much he missed just you. Your laugh, your stupid jokes. Everything was starting to feel so hollow when he heard that soft ding from across the room. To say he scrambled towards his desk where the phone lay charging was an understatement.

I really miss you.

You were screaming for him and he hadn’t heard it. You were sinking further and further and yet here he was, wondering and waiting for some sort of sign on what to do. How he could fix it - but later. He’s not strong enough now. He’s not ready. After he’s done with Aizawa. After he’s a hero. After after after. Always cautious, always testing the waters.

I just wish you were here.

You never waited, never paused, never hesitated. When Bakugou was kidnapped, you rushed home and came up with a plan of action. When you wanted to talk to him, you marched from your dorms, almost got into a fist fight, just to talk. You were reckless in all the best ways. In all the ways that made him want to scream, to touch you, to praise you, to love...to love you.

“I would be able to sleep if you answered your phone once in a while.”

He gripped his phone and hated that he had to draw one hand up to wipe his eyes. Hated that his chest ached and hated that you even had to ask him.

“I wish you would have answered me.”

No more. You would never have to ask him again.

He couldn’t pull his shoes on fast enough. Before Shinsou could stop, rethink if this was a good idea, he was outside and making his way towards your dorm. If he couldn’t help you now, when you needed it the most, when you were asking for him to pull you out from the waters...

His heart didn’t have the right to ache for you as much as it did.

The two of you had done this so many times, Bakugou was surprised that you weren’t in the kitchen when he finally got down stairs. The moment he got to the ground floor and saw you hunched over on the couch, his body froze.

He had been hoping to have a bit more time to think of what he wanted to say.

“Is it just me, or has she not been the same since coming back from the raid?”

“No, I noticed it too.”

“Should we ask her about it?”

The frog grew quiet for a moment. Bakugou had to strain to hear her response from down the hall. “I think she’ll open up when she’s ready.” She said softly. “If we try to push the issue before then, it might just make matters worse.”

“Yeah,” Uraraka responded, “I guess you’re right. Still...I’m just worried.”

Worried. For you.

He didn’t want to think about why he was down in the commons, so late at night. He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that seeing your shaking shoulders, hearing the fast gasps you were making, ripped his very state of being apart. He watched you, eyes narrowed.

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like that you were in this state at all.

“Hey.”

He expected you to jump - it was a good thing that you did. He would drag you out of whatever rut you were in, kicking and screaming if he had to.

You got to your knees, cursing under your breath and scrambling for whatever you had been holding. Probably your phone. Bakugou stepped around the couch, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Figured I would find you down here.”

You didn’t pay him any attention. In fact, as you tried to reach under the coffee table, you kept your head turned - enough to where he couldn’t see your face. You kept cursing, kept trying to reach desperately. He watched you for a moment, feeling the frustration rise up inside of him. You were ignoring him. Like he wasn’t even there. Like he wasn’t standing in front of you.

“Hey!”

“SHHH!” You snapped to attention, pressing a finger to your lips. He tried not to stare for too long. “Do you want to wake the whole dorm!?”

“You should be in bed.”

Your stare lingered on him, for just a moment. He refused to break eye contact first, refused to back down from the daggers you were sending his way. You let out a huff, going back to searching for whatever it was that you had dropped. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Bullshit. He could tell. It was a fact that he didn’t like to pay much attention to: tiny mannerisms that caught onto his attention like a hook. You generally were so bright, hardly ever short. Low energy, but not tired? Sure.

He waited another minute. “The others just got home.”

The slight pause. Heh - you were like a book. So easy to read. “Oh.” You said so matter-of-factly. In another beat, you were back to searching, still focusing your gaze on the far side of the wall. “Yeah, I guess.”

“So unless you got sent back early, I doubt you’ve even had a chance to try and sleep.”

Your fingers clenched, your fist shaking against the granite top. Your body pulled up and away, resting in a rigid position. But you were still refusing to look at him; in fact, to ensure that he wouldn’t be able to see anything, you put your face in your hand. Still, you didn’t say a word, didn’t argue with him. So he continued: “I’m just saying, if you’re going to lie, at least keep track who you tell what.”

You didn’t respond. And he wished it didn’t make him as angry as it did. He wished that he had been able to stop the rage that bubbled in his stomach. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want you to hide anything from him. He wanted you to feel comfortable telling him when something was hurting you. After he laid it all bare for you a few weeks ago, you couldn’t be bothered to at least confide in him what the hell was going on in your tiny little world?

“...tch.” Bakugou fingers slid under the edge of the coffee table. “Grab the other side.”

You paused, turning to stare at him. His eyes met yours and he saw so clearly how blood shot they were, your cheeks blotchy and burning. You sniffled once, pushing a strand of hair back into place. “Uh...wha?”

“Do you want your crap or not!?”

“Oh, yeah, uh...” You pushed yourself up. His eyes followed you as you stationed yourself on the other side like instructed. “On three. One-”

He didn’t bother waiting. Up he lifted and you scrambled to meet him half way.

Just a little to the side - and the bright screen of your phone illuminated the living room. It was closest to him, causing him to flinch just slightly when the glow blinded him. He moved to grab it for you -

Before Bakugou could realize what was happening, your fingers brushed against his. You both paused, your digits flinching away from him every so slightly. He didn’t know if he should continue making the grab for it or if he should pull away. He didn’t want to. Your skin was so soft and warm and...

He could feel your eyes on him and almost was able keep his gaze away. Almost able to hold off temptation. But you were like that, weren’t you? The light had dimmed, casting a soft glow over your features. He wanted to look anywhere else - anywhere but at you. But your eyes held his, demanded that he hold your attention. He hated the soft sound that escaped him. Hated the way his heart hammered in his chest as you stared at each other, fingers still touching ever so slightly.

He shouldn’t feel this way about you. But he did.

Bakugou pulled back with a grunt. He could feel your eyes follow him as he stood back up and stepped away, away from you. Why did you do this to him? Why did you manage to make him the worst of himself? Lord Explosion Murder - reduced to a sniveling little puppy, eager to please because a girl he kind of thinks is pretty sometimes makes him feel like he’s going to throw up.

His fingers shook. He shoved them back in his pockets to hide the evidence.

You plucked the phone off the ground and immediately hit the lock screen to turn the light off. You were once against standing alone in the dark, though he could see you plainly. Neither of you said a word. He wished he could say something, not scream it but just say it. His mind strained to find something meaningful to say to you, something catching or just enough to keep you distracted from your thoughts. But you had the knack for words - he didn’t. All he could do was leer at you, waiting for you to start conversation. You always had something to say.

You silently slipped your phone in the pocket of your skirt.

There was something different about you. A wall that was keeping you from him. Maybe the girls’ concern for you had weight behind it. You still didn’t look at him, eyes downcast.

He had hoped, that night in the kitchen, that things might have been different. That maybe...someday...

“You got your damn phone. Now go to bed.” He turned on his heels and made his way back towards the stairs. He was done. He helped you out enough.

Sometimes you were too much. Messed with his head and pulled his mind in so many different directions, he forgot which way was up because right there with you was where he wanted to be.

“Why do you want to be a hero?”

Your voice cut through the silence of the dorm like a knife. He hadn’t expected you to speak up now, though it fit you. Question, make him stay; just when he decided to leave. And of course, because you asked him to stay - he would.

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Humor me.”

He regretted coming down here to talk to you. He should have just stayed in the comfort of his room. “Why?”

“Humor. Me.”

His eyes narrowed. Even if you wrapped yourself around him, brought him to his knees and groveling in your steps, no one spoke to him like that. He spun around, snarl behind gritted teeth. Who the fuck did you think you were talking to?

Then he paused.

You were watching him and the hollow expression on your face shoved the rage back down into his stomach. With just a glance, you quelled that fury. Another noise, another shock. Then your eyes softened and your shoulders slumped. You remembered where you were, who you were talking to...no...no, you had never been afraid to talk to him like that. Never afraid to meet his attitude head to head. So what was different now? “Please,” You added on, quietly.

What the hell happened to you?

Why did he want to be a hero?

“To be number one.”

“Is that it?”

I don’t know anymore. He didn’t like this line of questioning. Bakugou was a smart kid - he could tell this conversation wasn’t going to be like the last one the two of you had. No tea, no gentle touches. The wounds were infected now and he felt shame burrow deep. You had something you wanted to say, but something else was keeping it trapped, holding you back from being honest with him. “What are you getting at?”

You fell quiet, letting his eyes take you in. With a sigh, you turned and sat back down on the couch. Your body folded in on itself, your hands grasping your arms, shaking fingertips digging into the fabric of the white dress shirt you were wearing. “Nothing.” You said finally. “Just...thinking. About things.”

You thought a lot about a lot of things. Perhaps a little too much for too long. You were receding back into your thoughts, pulling away from him again. While he didn’t enjoy the feelings that being around you brought, losing you to your own headspace wasn’t something he would do tonight. Or...any night. His feet carried him back to the couch. With a groan he sat down beside you. “Well, then say it out loud.”

You let out a laugh that sounded too much like a sneer. “Yeah. Okay.”

It took everything in him to not reach out and grab you. “I’m being serious.”

“I know.”

He just wanted to fucking help you. “So tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

Like you had helped him. “Whatever the hell that’s going on.”

A moment passed before you pulled your eyes back to his. Finally, you were back in the present - back in that room with him. Suddenly, you were aware that he had stationed himself beside you, so close your arms were a breath away from each other. And there was a moment of panic in your eyes.

You smirked, “Oh, are you playing therapist now?”

“Shut up!” He bellowed. “And tell me what the hell is going on before I change my mind!”

Your laugh was bitter, but it was something. You used your hands to push your hair back out of your eyes, “...okay.” You started...then fell quiet again. He could hear you swallow the regret, the shame, the fear. He watched as you struggled to put to words everything spinning around you. “I don’t think I belong here. At all.”

There were a million things Bakugou would have thought you could have said. That...wasn’t one of them. He had never thought of you not here. What would that look like?

“I look at everyone here: Kirishima and Uraraka and Tsu and Deku...and I just can’t seem to find a place to put myself. Among the rest of our class.” His brows furrowed as you spoke. He watched as your expression shifted with each word - angry and bitter and lost and upset. “Like, you all are able to keep your heads held high, keep looking forward and never seem to let things drag you down. I...I just don’t think I can do that. So...” You shrugged, swallowing harshly. “Maybe I don’t deserve to be here if I can’t handle it...not like everyone else can.”

This wasn’t about the raid - that was just a catalyst. It obviously struck a chord with you.

“That’s stupid.”

Another laugh. This one tear filled but honest; and so, so bittersweet. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re absolutely right. It’s pretty pathetic, huh?”

“No, you idiot. It’s stupid because you’re wrong.”

You stared at him, mouth agape. Then, in a second, your eyes narrowed, your lips thinned and your expression darkened. He couldn’t help but feel the pride bubble in his chest: You had realized you weren’t going to avoid this. Not with him. Not when he could help you. He closed his eyes, figured it best to keep you out of his sight until he finished.

“Look, you moron. If you want to be angry or sad about whatever the hell happened back there, fine. Do it. But what good is wallowing in your own self pity if you’re not going to do anything about it?!”

Your voice shook as you spoke. “Okay fine - then what should I do, Bakugou?”

His eyes snapped open, lips parted in surprise at the question. There was an edge to your expression, daring him to answer. Daring him to suggest something. Blow it up? Yell at it? Fight it until it gives up? But where would you start? It wasn’t a real person - you couldn’t threaten it to back down. Eyes scoured the floor for a response, searched desperately to find something - a strand of advice - to give you. But he had nothing.

“Yeah,” You moved, pushing yourself off the couch. You snatched your bag with such force it almost swung around and hit him in the face. “That’s what I thought. You don’t have an answer either.”

Shit. Shit. He watched you as you skirted past his legs, intent on burying everything again. If he let this go - let you go - you might actually do it. You might actually leave UA - leave everyone in Class 1-A, leave your dream, leave...him.

“It’s fine.” You added, making your way towards the stairs. “I’ll be fine.”

But he knew that was a lie. Everything about this situation was a lie. You wouldn’t be fine if he let you go upstairs, left you along with those thoughts of inadequacy, and if you kept falling lower and lower...?

“Hey.”

You paused in front of the elevator...then pressed the button, it’s soft white glow sending panic down Bakugou’s spine. The only thing he could see of you in the dark was the back of your head, the way your chin dipped just so lightly to your chest. You weren’t going to respond if he didn’t do something. He didn’t want this conversation to end - not like this. What would All Might say? What would Kirishima say? What would Deku say?

What would you say?

“You never told me: Why did you agree to go on that raid?”

There was a moment of pause before you turned and glanced over your shoulder at him. There was a confused expression on your face, your eyes scanning him to try and figure out just what he was playing at. “I told you why I wanted to be a hero.” It was a challenge. Stay and face this. “Now tell me why you went on that stupid raid.”

“Don’t get too worked up about this.” Mr. Aizawa - no, Eraserhead - had said. “The Big Three are one thing: They’re strong enough to hold their own out there with the Pros.” He called you all out by name. Asui, Uraraka, Kirishima and you. “You didn’t volunteer for this and you’re not obligated to participate. It’s your call.”

It had been your call. Your decision. The Pros wouldn’t have shoved you into a situation you weren’t ready for. The four of you had known that it was not necessary for you to go above and beyond what you had already done. It was going to be dangerous, and you needed to not only be physically capable, but mentally as well.

You should have waited, weighed the odds, thought about it for a moment longer.

Your call. Your choice: Save a little girl who was in danger or back down. Be a Hero or refuse to answer the call.

Well...the choice was simple than wasn’t it?

You hadn’t been capable. You screwed up. Once again jumping deeper into a situation than you should have. You weren’t like your friends.

You weren’t like them at all.

“Mr. Ai- I mean, Eraserhead! After everything we just heard, I can’t imagine not helping out, sir!”

Someone who could raise their head and keep it held high. Who could look danger in the eye and refuse to back down.

“Yeah, if you’re going to let us be apart of this, I’d like to pitch in however I can!”

Who saw someone and danger and threw themselves into the line of fire. Who reached out a hand and kept holding on, long past the last scrap of energy was gone.

"If I can use my power to help that girl even a little bit, then count me in Eraserhead!”

They were heroes. You weren’t like them.

You stood up, nodding earnestly. Your look was stern, your eyes hard as you looked at Eraserhead. You were equals - at least in this moment. “Yeah, heroes save people - so I’ll do my best to make sure that girl is safe!”

You could feel Bakugou’s eyes pick you apart and put you back together. Looking at him made you sick, made you want to crawl into yourself and rot. But...with a soft sigh, your eyes casted up, trying to keep the tears from falling again. You had thought you had done all your crying. God, his face in the dark was a slight comfort. His eyes practically glowed in the low light of the common room. His dark t-shirt hung around his shoulders, his hair was a wild mess, sticking up in every direction. And he just watched you. No malice, no rage, just...waiting.

Waiting for your answer.

Why did you agree to join the raid?

To save that little girl. Because that’s what heroes do.

But...

“After my fight with Deku, you sat with me. You didn’t have to do that either. So why?”

Arms gripping your hoodie, squeezing you for dear life. His whole body trembled under your touch. Tears as he begged for forgiveness that you couldn’t give him. But you wanted to - because it would mean his pain would be put at ease. If you couldn’t give him what he needed, what he longed for, you would at least be there for a moment longer than the tears would fall. You just needed him to know he wasn’t alone. You needed Katsuki Bakugou to know you were there for him, no matter what.

“And with the League attack? You weren’t with Kirishima and them. You went off on your own, to try and save me. Why?”

They wouldn’t see how hard he worked. How much he wanted to be a hero. And if they hurt him, if he refused and the villains hurt him? If they took that away from him…? All of his hopes and dreams?

No. No, you weren’t going to let that happen.

You had to bite you lip to keep it from shaking. Bakugou was listing off all your fuck ups as if they mattered. As if they were helping his case. As if they were something you should be proud of. You considered telling him, making him aware that even in those moments, you still failed: you got knocked out during the raid, during the fight with the villains, and that you hadn’t done much besides give him a hug in the kitchen. You weren’t doing much.

Deep breath, look away. His face was too much. It was too honest, trying to grab at you and hold you still. He could almost convince you that you did something besides hinder those who had a better chance of being a Hero.

“You do half the shit you do because you’re a good person. You want to help people.” Movement caused you to glance his way. He turned to sit back down on the couch. “As stupid as it is, I guess it’s pretty admirable.”

‘Pretty admirable’? He - Katsuki Bakugou - thought it was admirable. You opened your mouth, but after a long moment of silence found you had nothing to say, so you closed it again. You hated that even without speaking, you were losing this fight. “So does everyone else.” You replied weakly. It didn’t make you special. It didn’t make you any different.

“That so?”

“Yeah.”

“Than wouldn’t that mean you belong here with all the other losers looking to be a Hero to protect people?”

Ding!

Behind you, the elevator opened.

A soft gasp escaped your chest. So...that’s what he was doing. Leave it up to him to talk you around into a circle before shoving your argument back into your face...no, he hadn’t been nearly as harsh as you had expected. He was speaking so softly to you, being as gentle as he knew how - which granted, wasn’t much, but appreciated none the less. One shouldn’t look a gift explosion in the mouth.

You looked at the elevator over your shoulder, stared at it’s open doors.

You let them shut.

For the first time since that raid, you smiled. Really, honestly smiled. You set your bag down against the wall. The walk back to the couch was the lightest you had felt in a long while. You sat down next to him, resting your hands on your knees and one by one, you tapped your fingers against your skin. With a deep breath, you felt your shoulders relaxed. You weren’t surprised he was able to help. “I guess...technically...using that logic...you’re not wrong.”

Bakugou scoffed, closing his eyes and tossing his head back. “Of course I’m not wrong.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “How could I have ever thought to argue with you? Truly a futile effort to begin with.”

His smirk was quick, a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth before he grunted and looked away. The prickly exterior he generally used to conceal himself was growing back into place and you couldn’t help but laugh. You had been so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you almost forgot how much he made your heart skip. As you looked over his profile, you realized that you were entirely thankful for Bakugou and not just in that moment. You had been so stuck in your pit, sinking lower and lower that you didn’t think you’d ever get out of it.

But like everything, he broke the glass ceiling and shot through. Only this time, he snatched you up and pulled your head to the surface. Even if for a moment, you could breathe because he was holding your head above the water.

You leaned over and bumped his shoulder with yours, nudging him warmly. He ruined expectations again by waiting a moment before doing it back to you.

He was so warm, his skin amazingly soft. It lit your chest aflame and your cheeks grew pink - but you didn’t move. The two of you leaned against each other but said nothing about it. How did you find yourself here? You had been close to him before but this was different in a way that didn’t seem to make any sort of sense. And...you kind of like that it didn’t. Because it didn’t have to. You realized that sometimes, when it was just the two of you, as few as those “sometimes” may have been, you simply wanted it to just...be.

You shouldn’t want to be so close to him, not now. Would it be in poor taste? Would he think less of you if he knew? Did he know? Did he feel the same way? You were certain that if he looked over at you, looked into your eyes he would...at least see something. You weren’t sure exactly what it was, but it was enough to cause your knees to knock and your chest to ache. And you wondered if he would see how much your fingers longed to reach out and touch his body, draw him close and...

But that didn’t matter. Not now.

You looked down at your hands. If you...wanted to try...wanted to see if...this was something you could have, you would have to take the first leap. Bakugou wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to be the one who dove head first. But was now the perfect time? Would there ever be a perfect time? After having him strip your defenses, tear you down, build you back up - should you wait?

You spared another look, hoping that you might find confidence in his being.

Your eyes met. He was looking at you too.

No. No, you weren’t waiting. Katsuki Bakugou wasn’t someone you waited for. If you were going to do this, see if he felt the same way you felt - all the crazy heart skips and lingering glances when the other wasn’t looking - you had to do this now.

Gathering all your courage, you moved your hand and offered it to him. His eyes tore away from your face then down at your open palm. The universe held it’s breath, watched eagerly...as he slid his fingers between yours. His calloused digits scratched at your skin lightly, his palms were a little clammy and...

Bakugou held you firm, grasping you tightly. Desperate and scared and you remembered everything that lead you to this moment.

“That Bakugou kid likes you.”

Wild hair haloed in the setting sun peeking above the tops of overgrown trees. Everyone around you disappears when his arms wrap around you. He holds your hands, guiding the knife as he helps you chop.

“Out of all those losers, I was glad you were there.”

It felt like something was dragging you to him, tugging your body towards his. He wasn’t stopping you, he wasn’t yelling or screaming or pushing you away. He just watched, eyes narrowed and darkened under his hair. Was he waiting to see what you would do? Was he too scared to move on his own? You reached out, gliding your fingers over his sandy blonde locks and brushing them out of the way so you could see his face. Fingertips drifted down and over his cheek, trying to offer the same warmth he filled you with.

Defiantly, a daring look in his eye, he pressed his cheek into your hand. If you’re going to do this, then mean it. Everything about him made you want to scream, drove you mad. He always fought - and you saw now, that this whole time...he was fighting for you. Fighting to let you know. Had you been so entirely blind all this time?

You wanted to say something, to let him know that you saw. But words were wrong, thin, pointless and empty. Nothing you could say would ever be enough to let him know how you felt. So you would give all of you and hope that it was enough for him.

Without waiting another moment, you pressed your lips to his. It was a deep and heavy action, one that he met with passion only he could muster. You closed your eyes and lost yourself into his taste, the heat of his lips, his very presence. It was a rush, one that sent you spinning - derailed all train of thought. All that mattered was him. All that lived in this universe was you and him.

His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you up and over him and you were happy to follow. You didn’t dare break away, to lose the contact that you obviously both had been longing for. Your fingers found their way into his hair, twisting and tangling. Never once did he pull away - quite the opposite. He met you, every press of your lips, every motion of want and desire, laid bare in front of both of you. And as you felt his finger graze over the skin on your back, dipping under your dress shirt to set the nerves there on fire, you realized both of you were utter fools.

It’s an awful thing: knowing you’re not enough. Wanting something so badly, but no matter how much you long for it, it still slips through your grasp. Of knowing that nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome.

He should have stayed in his dorm. He should have never looked at his phone. He should have never told you about Bakugou.

He should have never let you get so close.

It was by chance he glanced at the window looking into the common room, hand poised in front of the door. At first, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking at - two shadowed masses, one on top of the other. But then, he saw your face. His heart wrenched when you pulled away from Bakugou. A scream locked in his throat the way you smiled at him, soft and loving. He hated the look in your eyes as you ran your thumb over his lips, as he slid his fingers into your hair to pull you back for more.

Something Shinsou couldn’t have. Someone he wasn’t enough for.

He didn’t linger on the steps for too long. He feared you would see him and then - then you would have to talk. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle that, not with Bakugou behind you.

The walk back to the dorm was a long one and he was surprised he made it into his room without incident. It was late enough though, most of his classmates were asleep and the rest had retired to their rooms. No one knew he was gone. His mind was utterly blank until the locked clicked shut.

He didn’t realize he had punched the wall until his hand pulled back, sliced open. Blood pooled and ran down his arm. But it wasn’t enough. It didn’t stop him from replaying that scene in his head over and over again. The way you two were looking at each other, the soft touches, gentle smiles...

He slumped to the floor and let out one pitiful sob.

What was he supposed to do now?

Author’s Note: I honestly watched Cats the 2019 musical and then wrote Shinsou’s part because I’ve been having a pretty good week honestly so I wasn’t in the headspace for honest disappointment.

I just needed something to remind me that happiness is fleeting and something terrible and awful will usually come and destroy what you know and love most in this world. Drag your joy through the mud until the only thing left is a shell of what once was.

...who let’s Hooper direct shit?

Anyway. I do think I’m going to lead into a part 4 for this one. I don’t know. I’ll let you guys decide if you want something more lol since I’m interested in continuing it. Especially given the newer chapters.

Also eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, kissing scene. First real one on this blog anyway and not a kiss mentioned in passing. And look, it only took me a year or so to do it. :) I’m a fantastic mod of this blog who gives people what they want and doesn’t focus on stupid shit in the slightest why are you guys here you should have left me on the street corner where I was standing

Tag List! If you want to be added, let me know!

@snaspants | @purplebellybell | @sxlenced-xf-lxvers |

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carriagelamp · 3 years

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Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

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babycharmander · 4 years

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Things I have learned in my 20+ years of writing fanfic

I’d been thinking about this for a while and figured I’d compile a list, in case other people find it helpful. Keep in mind that what I say here is only my own experiences and tastes and I’ve no intentions of telling you how to write your own stories. So uhhh... let’s go!

1) Different stories require different planning methods. When I was younger, I used to think that I had to use the exact same method for planning each of my stories. Strict outlines on everything! Except... that's not how writing works. Stories are like wild beasts--you can try to tame them, certainly, but as each one is an individual, it may require different methods. Or you may discover that the stories that come to you are ones you can all write in the same way!

But for me personally, I find it best to plan out stories in different ways depending on which one seems to work at the time. One story may require a strict outline, while another may need a very loose roadmap. Other times I can fly from the seat of my pants and finish a story that way, or even use things readers have brought up to help me figure out parts of my story. The point is, don't try to confine yourself to one method of planning. Do what suits your story.

2) When working on a longfic, look for ways to include other characters. This one doesn't apply to every fandom or fic situation (for example, if there's only two main characters in your fandom, or if your characters have a very very very good reason to be isolated), but it's honestly a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when it comes to other stories, though I was guilty of it too when I was younger. I remember writing fics in fandoms where you'd have a large group of characters, but... the fic would only focus on two or three of them. They seemed to exist in a bubble, where no one else outside of that bubble really reacted to what was going on, even if there was no reason why they SHOULDN'T react to this.

For example, say you're working on a longfic for a fandom where there's a group of 5-10 characters (maybe a family, a neighborhood, a team, whatever). In this fic, character A nearly dies, leaving character B devastated at their terrible state and doing everything in their power to take care of A. And then... the rest of the characters don't really do anything, or just avoid the situation for no apparent reason. Once again, it feels like the whole story is taking place in a bubble. I totally get that sometimes you want to just focus on A and B's relationship, but consider how you approach this sort of thing for a longfic. Why not look for ways to include the others?

I'm not saying that means the entire story has to focus on all of those characters if your main intention is to focus on the relationship between A and B. But look for ways to include the others in the group/team/family/neighborhood/town/whatever--show how they're reacting to the situation or what they're actively doing to help or hinder it. Even if you only show one or two scenes per character, it burst the "bubble" effect of your longfic and makes the story richer and the world fuller. Heck, you may even find that you actually enjoy writing those other characters more than you initially thought. Give it a try!

3) In longfics, have specific details in your story that you can potentially bring back later. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this one, but... give your story specific details. Stuff like characters briefly talking about an event from the past, or a character having an item in their possession, or a character happening to know another, or just... anything. Obviously don't fill your stories with unnecessary detail, but sprinkle interesting, specific things in there every so often. You don't have to linger on them or hang a bright flashing arrow next to them to tell the reader "LOOK AT THIS!!!" In fact, you don't even have to come back to them later.

So... why am I telling you to do this?

Because sometimes those specific details will surprise you.

Sometimes you'll be writing part of your story, and then get stuck, and go back and reread something... and then you'll run across one of those details, and it will be the answer to your problem. Sometimes readers will pick up on those details, and voice their own thoughts on them, which might give you an idea for a plot point to bring up later. Sometimes those details wind up being the link between two plot points that you couldn't figure out how to tie together.

Even if they don't wind up doing any of those things, they can just be something to add more life to your story, and make it more memorable for your readers.

4) If your source material has voice acting, keep videos/sound files featuring characters' voices handy. Something I've found that helps me get into a character's head and voice is to just listen to them. In video game fandoms, you're likely to find videos that consist of a character's entire library of voice lines. For show/movie/podcast fandoms, you can of course find videos or sound files in which the characters are talking. If I'm about to write a character for the first time, I'll listen to them talk for a while before I start writing them. Other times, if I'm not certain a line of dialogue sounds like something the character would say, I'll listen to some of their canon dialogue for a bit in order to "refresh" their voice in my head, and see if I can clearly hear them saying the line I wrote.

Sometimes if I'm writing quickly and don't want to stop to listen to their lines, I'll add in a phrase they usually say to the dialogue I'm currently writing--that way I can immediately hear the way they say it in my head, and that will carry to the rest of the dialogue.

In general, it's just a useful thing for making sure you're getting a character's voice right. (Plus, listening to the dialogue is fun just by itself!)

5) Before posting a longfic, make ABSOLUTELY sure you want to finish it. So, I've written... a lot of longfics. And as a kid, I had a problem where I would get this FANTASTIC IDEA for a longfic, and I would immediately start writing, and immediately start posting, because feedback! Excitement! Gratification! ... and then a few days later I would lose interest and move on to something else. Oops.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I decided that sort of behavior wouldn't do, so for a while I would not start posting fics until the entire rough draft of them was complete, and then I would post one chapter a week. And while that worked for a while, it, uh... could only last for so long, because my stories kept getting longer and longer and man you can only go so long writing on your own without really, really wanting some of that sweet sweet feedback.

So... I figured out a compromise.

I would start my longfics. Maybe write out the first few chapters, or write out the notes, however I decided to do it. For some, I would determine that the longfic would be "short" enough that I could finish it before any excitement I had for it burned out. For all the others, I would continue to write them without posting for a while, seeing how long they kept my interest, and maybe show them to some friends. If I started to get really invested in it, then I would (attempt to) create a buffer of chapters, and start posting on a schedule. That schedule... did not always last, but by that point I was usually able to determine that yes, I absolutely did want to see this fic through to the end. Otherwise, the WIP would stay unfinished and unposted until the end of time.

Naturally most of my finished longfics are the epitome of self-indulgence, but hey, that's what fic is for, isn't it?

Speaking of...

6) Always remember that writing fic is FOR FUN. My previous point there? Completely disregard it if you are not having fun writing a story anymore. I've had fic series I started out with full plans to complete them, but after a few years, I lost steam, moved onto different fandoms, and really could not go back. But... that's okay. This is for fun. If I'm not having fun anymore, why should I push myself to keep writing?

Not to say that you should quit writing at the first sign of trouble! Wracking your mind trying to figure out the next part of the story isn't the same thing as losing all enjoyment writing it (unless it is). Usually once you figure out what to write next, you feel that much happier, and can keep going.

Regardless, never lose sight of what you're doing. Writing fanfiction is a hobby, and hobbies should be fun. If you're not having fun, move onto something else. Your readers may whine, but they'll get over it. Sometimes even the feedback isn't enough to keep you going, and that's okay. This is not your job (unless you're actually getting paid for it). This is a hobby. Write what you enjoy.

Well... that's all I've got for now. I may add more stuff to this list later as I remember other things. But there you have it!

Again, you absolutely don't have to take any of my advice if you don't want to. There's no single right way to write a fanfic! Do what works for you. If you find this stuff helpful, I'm glad. If not, that's okay! Either way, good luck with wherever your pen or keyboard leads you, and have fun writing!

#writing #writing advice #long post #I dunno #this is just stuff that's been bouncing around my head for a while

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makiswirl · 3 years

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Question for the q&a: Do you have any authors that have influenced your writing?

oh god DEFINITELY. there's some specific ones out there where i've looked at their writing and went "wow, i'm taking your writing style" but it's mostly published book authors? there are obvi some fma fic authors that've inspired me tho! putting this under a read more for yalls sanity

1. definitely stephen king! i mentioned it in the notes for chapter 14 of hölle but around that time i read the shining and i was in LOVE. there were specific things you could probably nitpick and go "wow that seems kind of new" at in that chapter and that would be because i pretty much.. looked at the writing in there and got Super Inspired.

when i was writing hölle it was my first Big Fic (patent pending) and i did NOT have a consistent writing style. like. at all. 90% of it was me improving my writing skills as i went and actually getting used to writing fics??? hence a lot of.. hiatus time and...... not very good scheduling or drafting.......... ...

so when i read the shining i went (!!!) BECAUSE I WAS FIXATING ON IT SUPER HARD like. watching the obscure MINI-SERIES hard. i still kind of am but i specifically noticed the way king seemed to exaggerate thoughts in a very specific way

and i RAN with that. this specifically shows in holes and i thought it worked pretty well for the genre

at the time??? also especially apt because i like. literally just reread the shining. like i finished the day i wrote holes chapter 3 and that's why it was more heavy theme-wise i think???? BUT EITHER WAY stephen king's writing (particularly in the shining) inspired me a hell of a lot!

2. john boyne! i reread the boy in the striped pajamas recently and. BOY i am so sad still. definitely wasn't as influential writing-wise but theres small influences here and there? specifically in the way i structure sentences i think & GOD how i love the ending of that book. like. it drives me to tears every time

whenever i reread the ending of the book i think of how STRONGLY it was written? like. the words were really impressing and strong and i kind of wanted to mimic that in my writing whenever the mood fit and i can really only think of the time being where i utilized that being the ending of holes? i don't really like the ending sentences of the fic itself but i remember thinking about skimming over the epilogue again when it came to writing the last bit

3. william shakespeare is super fucking funny to put on here but like. i'm currently taking pre-college classes and we reread romeo and juliet and some other sonnets that he wrote and ive like. never recovered since lmao

i can't state THAT much that i drew from him because i have brainfog from the entire past year but i remember the class heavily focused on refreshing us on poetry? like. we went over the old freshman year poets (edgar allen poe was also pretty "!!! urge to write !!! but wow hes kinda fucked up!!!!!!!!" tho specifically /w the raven and annabel lee when it came to me writing) and despite how incoherent that sentence sounds idk there was just SOMETHING abt that entire course that made me want to start writing a lot the professor was just super good i loved her come home 💔

4. OKAY SO FOR FMA FIC AUTHORS. i've read a LOT of fics (like ive been through the entire parental roy and edling tags consecutively) so it's.. very hard to keep track... ... there're a few that definitely stand out tho!

* alightintheshadows i remember specifically being like. one of the first fma fic authors i read from and their stuff is GREAT. someone please tell me if they have a tumblr because i want to gush about their content so bad it's so good but like. i think they're what got me INTO writing fma fics in the first place? especially horror/plot-heavy stuff like that? i first read the cult on ff.net and i would NOT shut up about it for like. a week. i got super excited when their fics came over to ao3 and im pretty sure you can still see them quite a bit in my rec bookmarks

* DEFINITELY @liathgray i love cece so much they're so nice and i'm glad i've gotten to talk to them it's unreal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think they're one of the authors who actually made me actually go "oh. wow the fandom is still alive!!!" when i was going thru ao3 after i watched both fmas last summer because i'm.. pretty sure giants in the forest was still going on iirc? that fic's definitely what dragged me into the hyperfixation and interacting /w the fandom super hard lol

also i just REALLY like blackwell springs????? can we talk about blackwell springs because blackwell springs is my SHIT.

like i get that these r all probably common picks for author inspos but i remember also being around for it when it first came out -> the end and i loved it sm and i got so excited EVERY time it updated. like i would liveblog it to my boyfriend or read it really fast half-asleep before driving to class and i'd shove it into his FACE. 90% sure that fic's what either struck me to write hölle or keep writing it (i can't remember when it originally came out???) but i really need to get on reading whatever series capra's part of even tho i don't particularly like crossover stuff bc i see it Everywhere and it looks so good

i think that's all??? there's definitely a lot of other authors that i've looked at and went "!!!" but my brain is.. so empty from dumping all of this.. hope this answers ur question tho!!!! ignore any typos i just feel very strongly ok but in like the best way possible ♥

#pip.txt #answering machine #holle #long post #like a REALLY long post #guess this half counts as book and fic recs in hindsight

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connan-l · 3 years

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All right, so now that I finally digested the final a little I have some random messy thoughts about Fruits Basket 2019. It got really long lol, but this has been stuck in my head for a while so I needed to get it out!

Honestly, it was a very good adaptation and I’m still in awe I was able able to see the whole manga animated. Fruits Basket is pretty important to me, as I read it for the first time when I was around twelve and it was definitely one of the series that impacted me the most — the way it tackles themes of cycle of abuse, loneliness, grief and moving forward still feel very special to me even now (I briefly wrote a post about it months ago after rereading the manga), so of course I was delighted upon hearing the reboot announced and for the most part, it didn’t disappoint. I’d never truly thought I’d be able to see characters like Rin or Machi actually move on screen in my lifetime so in a way it still feel surreal lmao (RIP to Komaki though). It was really refreshing to revisit the story in that way, especially given amusingly enough I am myself in the middle of some big changes in my life where I have to leave things behind so it felt sort of... well, I won’t say empowering per se, but quite encouraging and satisfying to watch Furuba, and especially its final, at this timing, in a way. It wasn’t perfect, there are certainly a lot of flawed directive choices that I question and unfortunately quite some important cut contents — but even at its lowest it stayed all in all good. I’m genuinely a bit stunned there are people who thinks the entire thing is worthless or a failure, because man, I have seen what a bad anime adaptation looks like, and Fruits Basket 2019 definitely isn’t one. Natsuki Takaya herself was clearly very invested and satisfied in that adaptation — I mean, just the fact she drew arts for every single episodes or for the season 3 ending really shows that I think. And while there’s a part of me who will always have a soft spot for the 2001 anime, there’s no contest that the 2019 one is the superior one and more representative of the original manga as a whole.

I believe some people really don’t realize how... uncommon it is to get such a consistently good-looking and complete anime adaptation for a shojo manga? Shojo really aren’t lucky in that prospect usually; they rarely get animated, and when they do they’re usually very bland or outright bad, or they get one short season of like 13 episodes that never receive any follow-ups — even shojo considered like classics tend to get poor treatment, unless they’re Sailor Moon of course or a long-running magical girls franchise like Precure (and even then we could have a discussion about the way Sailor Moon’s treated compared to say Dragon Ball for example, but that’s another topic entirely). So yeah it is quite awesome we were able to get this kind of anime adaptation that covers the full manga with good quality from start to finish, and I am so, so glad it exists and that it managed to revive and makes the series so popular again. (Hopefully its success means we’ll be able to get more good anime adaptation of shojo manga from now on!)

But yeah, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t problems with it and I also understand why some of the manga fans had issues. We were kind of hyped with the fact this would be a complete adaptation and in the end we only got a... sort-of-complete one lol. The art and animation stayed fine during the run (there certainly were some episodes that were uhhh, lacking in that sense, but that’s just how it is sometimes with productions and budget), but I admit I was a bit letdown regarding the direction, where it often seemed… a bit uncreative or heavy-handed. There was some very beautiful and smart shots here and there, but on the whole I really had an issue with the adaptation failing to actually take more ambitious decisions on its visual aspect, especially compared to the pretty pannelling of the manga — and when it did take these decisions it just was… kind of obnoxious and in-your-face, like the show is trying to hold the watcher’s hand (with unnecessary things like Kyo’s father record player derailing or the whole big ropes symbolizing the curse that often slapped you all over the screen, which usually just made me want to roll my eyes because of how annoying it felt.) Multiple people also pointed out the overdramatization of some scenes like the Kyo and Tohru’s confrontation at the end of season 1 or Akito and Ren’s fight which was, indeed, not very good and a weird choice. Fruits Basket is already a pretty dramatic show and these scenes are already intense, there was no need for such over-the-top theatrical display of emotions that only made them comes off as comedic. I’m probably nitpicking here but it also bothered me some characters’ expressions didn’t feel properly retranscribed (Shigure especially, whose characterization depends a lot on that, really suffered from this), or that odd habit of making some big panorama plans instead of focusing on the faces and bodies, which particularly sucks during emotional scenes (like the backgrounds were pretty I guess, but that’s not what was important here lmao).

Also that might be just a personal thing, but can I point out that the openings were pretty disappointing to me... They're not bad, but they all looked so... bland. The songs are fine but the rest feel so uninspired and it's kind of sad... I dunno, I wasn't asking for much but I just think they could've done more than just scrolling each character looking vaguely melancholic or making them walk randomly one after another :/ The endings have at least pretty illustrations and I'm okay with them (I liked what they did with Kyoko’s photo in season 3 too), but the OPs kind of feel as if they ran out of budget and ideas for them or something. I kind of feel the same with the OST as well, where they’re generally fine but were a bit lackluster, and sometimes… they were kind of played at bad times? I remember the Rin episode in season 2 were the music felt a bit out of place and took me out of the immersion, which is a shame cause it was otherwise a pretty good episode. But that might just be a me-thing here lol. The voice actors were awesome though! (The Japanese ones, at least, I didn’t watch any other dubs). I’ve said it before but special kudos to Maaya Sakamoto cause damn she’s so perfect as Akito, and Shimazaki as Yuki and Toyosaki as Rin truly delivered too. I didn’t know Manaka Iwami at all but I was really impressed by her Tohru, especially in season 3 — she really was good at capturing her character’s subtle emotional turmoils (I think she makes a better Tohru than Yui Horie too, although I admit I missed Horie a little lol.)

Anyway, on the topic of lack of ambition, that might be an unpopular opinion but there’s also the fact that I’m sad they didn’t actually... try to change or add more original scenes. By which I mean, obviously we had some changes, but not ones that were really interesting (when they’re not actively detrimental to the story). For example, I was really hoping that we’d be able to get at least one original episode focused on Ritsu (and Mitsuru too why not) in season 2 or 3, or on Kagura or Kisa; I dunno, it would’ve been a good occasion to give something more to the characters that got sidelined in the original manga, or add some moments that would’ve been nice to develop like about Akito post-cliff confrontation, but we never got that. And well, that makes sense now that we know they seemingly had an episode restriction (at least on season 3), but, yeah, that’s still a shame. Honestly in the end Ritsu’s character made even less sense in the anime, because like, it was nice they tried to adapt his introduction episode so that it feels less “you have to adapt to gender norms to feel better about yourself,” (the gender non-confirmity is definitely one of the bits that aged the less well in FB) but then they still made him cut off his hair and give his feminine clothes to Kagura at the end so why lol. (And speaking of his episode introduction, I dislike that they cut off his conversation with Tohru after the suicide attempt, not only for Ritsu but also for Tohru cause it is one of the small instances bringing up her issues that is set up early on and that is crucial to her, but I’ll come back to this later.)

And now about the biggest problem to me being, the cut content and episodes rearangement. So, just so we��re clear, I definitely don’t think an anime adaptation needs to be a page-by-page adaptation of the manga to be good. Every decent adaptation needs to have changes, and the ones that tries to just follow the source material without any heart often tend to get pretty bad. So changes are good! Cut content are needed sometimes. But in Furuba 19, it really... wasn’t the case.

And the most unfortunate thing being that the one suffering the most from this is the show’s main character herself, Tohru.

So, obviously other characters also got done dirty by this; Yuki and Machi’s relationship was so incredibly shifted in the background and rushed it’s almost funny. I’m one of the people who thinks that, while I do think they’re cute, I definitely agree on the fact their relationship was a bit underdeveloped in the manga — and that Machi’s character especially suffered as a result by being a bit reduced to just "Yuki’s love interest" when she was a character with so much more to offer (and as a whole I also tend to agree with the fact that Yuki probably didn’t need a romance at all and that his arc is more meaningful while focusing on his platonic relationships, but that’s another topic entirely) — but man, if the manga already underdevelopped them, then ohhh boy, the anime just completely dropped the ball. It feels very odd because to me it seemed like season 2 was taking their time with setting them up, so if they knew they had only 13 episodes for season 3 then they should’ve started the changes there; instead we got 1 nice Yuki/Machi/Kakeru episode, and then it’s like "Yep, they’re in love, just trust me." (It does makes me wonder if season 3 wasn’t originally supposed to be longer but then got restrained because of budget or covid or something…) Kakeru also very much suffered because of them cutting off his girlfriend and his complicated relationship with Tohru… Now, to be honest, I’ve always found the Kakeru/Komaki/Tohru subplot pretty... contrived and useless, and Komaki’s not so much a character more than a device for Kakeru’s development, but it does have some good moments relevant to the story’s themes (I like the ‘‘you can’t play suffering olympics with people’s pain’’morale) and it is important to his character (and Komaki is cute, I admit), so it was still sad they shafted it entirely. (Also I kind of like the tense relationship between Tohru and Kakeru. The fact they both seem to not appreciate each other even afterwards feel sort of refreshing even if it’s never explored unfortunately orz.) I was still surprised they didn’t actually try to make a Komaki cameo at the end? Cause I think it would’ve fitted and Kakeru’s girlfriend had already been mentioned in season 2 but... for some reason they... didn’t. (Mayyybe we’ll get an OAV like with Kyoko and Katsuya? Who knows.)

One scene that was skipped/rearranged that I’m very bitter over is the whole Tohru/Kagura confrontation and Kagura/Rin scene — it might not seem like much, but the moment of Tohru refusing to forgive Kagura is very important, and I was pretty annoyed they turned Rin’s trauma response to Kagura’s violence and her subsequent apology/hug to a gag, it legit felt tasteless. The Tohrin scene they removed at the very end too was frustating; it was great they managed to fit in the "Rin doesn’t want to forgive Akito" bit at least (I was afraid they’d cut it off entirely), but it was so essential for her to say to Tohru, not to Haru and Momiji (plus the way they put it in felt very random and awkwardly placed there, when they were initially talking about Tohru before orz). OH AND the Akito/Hana friendship too! Yeah I know it’s not a Big deal but I absolutely love the little glimpses of their friendship and it’s very important to me so I’m disappointed over them not including the ‘Ah-chan’ scene… (It was kind of weird that the show sort-of implied Hana and Kazuma got together too cause that’s… not the vibe at all from the manga… oh well.)

Most people I’ve seen generally only bring up season 3 regarding the cuts/rearangement because it’s the most obvious and the biggest offender, but I personally think there were already problems with season 2 and 1. At first glance I didn’t have much issue with some of the rearrangement, because early Furuba can indeed be pretty episodic, but thinking back on it as a whole I think it might’ve been better to leave some stuff, like Hana and Uo’s episodes for example, to season 2 (I do wonder if they did this specifically so the reboot would offer original content and differ from 2001 early on...) and cut off other not-so-important things from S1 & S2 — because as a result season 2 kind of suffer a bit by being The Yuki Season, which, for as much as I love Yuki, did end up being a bit annoying and made his development feel less natural and gradual, as well as the fact it sidelined the other characters a little and left them with not much conclusion in its final. So this added to how much they ended up cutting in season 3, it makes the show as a whole feels really unequal. I think they did overall a good job in season 3 with what they had, and they really nailed some of the dramatic and Kyoru moments (the sheets scene, cliff confrontation and post-hospital confession were practically perfect), but it is a shame that it ended up as an extremely marathoned emotional roller-caster rather than a more well-paced watch that we would’ve had if it had been 20 or so episodes. (I know others argued that season 3 was what it was because there wasn’t enough content left to cover for 22 or 24 episodes, but I disagree and even if there weren’t, it would’ve been the perfect occasion to add original episodes then. But I think it was more of a budget and Covid issue personally.)

But anyway, all of this isn’t actually what I’m the most annoyed with (and YES that’s a already a lot lmao), those are stuff I can live with, but like I said earlier the most problematic is what they cut off from Tohru’s character. And that indeed includes her parents’ backstory.

So, just so I get this out of the way; yes, I do understand why people were relieved to not see Kyoko and Katsuya’s relationship play out on screen, and yes the age gap and teacher-student thing is creepy and I do kind of wish it hadn’t been written that way. (Though I was a bit amused by people who thought we didn’t get the backstory because of the questionable age gap when, uh... you know I very much doubt the anime industry has an issue with that. Like, to start with, we wouldn’t have had Uo and Kureno’s romance if that was the case (even if Uo and Kureno is less problematic, it’s still the same basis of a underage high school girl/20+ adult man relationship), and second there was a literal romcom anime about a high school girl and an adult man that was broadcasted at the same time as Furuba season 3 lmao. So nah, it wasn’t there the problem to them, it was just time and episode restriction, which was pretty much confirmed with the announcement of the OAV focused on them.)

So, Kyoko and Katsuya is definitely Problematic and I agree on their relationship being uncomfortable; however, I’m a bit baffled that people were literally cheering on not having that part in the show, because it is... it is not just like a small bit of family trivia, it is Extremely important and actively essential to Tohru’s character and Fruits Basket’s themes and narrative as a whole. It’s very important to understand Kyoko’s character, of course; to humanize her and finally present her as a very flawed person and not just the idealized mother that Tohru project upon her, and it is extremely important simply to understand Tohru herself as well; to understand where her way of thinking, her trauma and attitude stems from, and this in a way that just isn’t possible to see with the little fragments of that flashback we got or the bits of Kyo and Kyoko’s interactions.

See, Tohru’s character is principally constructed around two things; her grief over her mother and her almost-pathological selflesness and people-pleaser needs that comes from her abandonment issues and loneliness, and her arc is very much about letting go of both of these things and finally moving forward and letting her life change. There’s this perception of Tohru I see sometimes that she’s not a very interesting character especially compared to others like Yuki or Kyo, or that she ‘‘stays the same kindhearted, naive girl from start to finish,’’ and while I deeply disagree with this I know where it comes from. The thing with Tohru is that she is firstly an extremely emotionally repressed character, and so a lot of her depth and development is made through small, gradual details scattered throughout the manga. It’s done in such a way that except for some obvious scenes those small, apparently insignificant moments are easy to miss or disregarded, and unfortunately it is a lot of these details that the 2019 anime cut, or rearanged in a way that feel less impactful or makes less sense; such as, like I pointed out earlier, her conversation with Ritsu after his suicide attempt. As I’ve seen others point out, this result in altering Tohru’s portrayal and rendering her character mostly about her romance, undercutting and downplaying all of her small, subtle character moments and developments, and miss a bit the second part of the story where the narrative actively challenge the ‘savior/therapist/mom’ that other characters and Tohru herself projected upon her.

And as a result it also means undermining things like her parallel and relationship to Akito, which idealistically should’ve been slowly built up throughout the last season but because of how rushed season 3 was in the end felt a little flat. (Akito’s character in general had some issues also because of the unequal pacing and rearranged scenes, though admittedly I think this was also an issue present in the original manga.) Kyo’s character and his romance with Tohru is the one element that managed to get out of this mostly unscathed (although Kyo also does suffer a bit from it), but because of what was removed from Tohru’s character it still inevitably impacted them by making their characters as individuals lacking. It’s not like it is a complete failure, mind you; I think the anime at least did a decent job at showing Tohru is Not Okay even at the beginning in season 1 (they certainly did a better job at it than the 2001 one lol) and managed to roughly portray her issues well enough overall, but it is just… lacking in the subtlety and nuances that, to me, makes her character and writing really special and unique.

(This post explains what I’ve tried to say here in a much more eloquent and better way that I ever could, and this all put into perspective what I basically love so much about Tohru and Fruits Basket in general.)

And, you know, it would’ve been sad but comprehensible with any other character, but here we’re talking about the story’s literal protagonist, which is why it is the part of the adaptation that makes me feel the most bitter. Tohru and her story is truly amazing and well-written, the thing I was looking forward to the most with this reboot — and while I do understand the episode restriction and I do believe they still did their best with what they had — her arc still deserved to receive a full proper adaptation, not a kind-of-half one.

So, yes, I am at least glad they’ll adapt Kyoko and Katsuya’s story in OAV, but the fact that it will never be included in the actual main narrative is still actively detrimental to it, and it will never have the same effect that if it had been played out before the Kyoru sheets scene where it should’ve been. (I hope they also won’t cut the fact that their story is narrated by Kyo, because that is also a very important detail for both Kyo and the story, but I have the feeling they will…)

Welp, that was quite a long, messy rambling. Not sure if anyone will actually read all of it but if you did then congrats lol. I feel in the end I’ve been really harsh and negative with the reboot… I do love it a lot! If someone asked me I would wholeheartedly recommend it (though I guess I would still argue to read the manga first if you really want to experience the story in all its nuances). I think they truly did an impressive job — even with season 3, which a lot of its episodes were beautifully done and did make me tear up a few times lol. I’m just sad it couldn’t actually offer a better, more nuanced delivery of the story’s depths and of one of my favorite manga protagonists that means a lot to me. But that’s an adaptation that so many fans wanted for years and I’m happy and grateful it’s here cause Fruits Basket deserved at least that much!

#Fruits Basket #Fruits Basket (2019)#Long Post #Connan's Ramblings #Text #Fruits Basket Anime

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terramythos · 4 years

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TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: Authority (The Southern Reach #2) (2014) - REREAD

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Ecological Horror, Cosmic Horror, Mystery, Weird, Third-Person, Unreliable Narrator

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 1/05/2021

Date Finished: 1/10/2021

John "Control" Rodriguez, a disgraced former spy, is given an opportunity to redeem himself at the Southern Reach, the clandestine organization that oversees the mysterious and horrifying Area X. The director has gone missing following the disastrous "twelfth" expedition in Annihilation. Control is brought in to take over her job and fix the Southern Reach... and perhaps find a way to combat the insidious, paranormal effects of Area X.

But Control soon discovers just how deep Area X's corruption infects the place. Even worse, failures of the past-- both his own and those of the Southern Reach-- return to haunt him in disturbing ways. Badly outmatched within and without, Control will need to do everything he can to save not only the organization, but himself.

The last fragment of video remained in its own category: "Unassigned." Everyone was dead by then, except for an injured Lowry, already halfway back to the border.

Yet for a good twenty seconds the camera flew above the glimmering marsh reeds, the deep blue lakes, the ragged white cusp of the sea, toward the lighthouse.

Dipped and rose, fell again and soared again.

With what seemed like a horrifying enthusiasm.

An all-consuming joy.

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: some body horror but way toned down compared to Annihilation. Mind control/hypnotic suggestion is still a thing. Non graphic sexual content. Disturbing images. Without spoiling the entire book, there are several scenes that come off as gaslighting, but do have an alternate explanation. As before, a pervasive sense of unreality.

While Annihilation is a deep dive into the horrors of Area X, Authority takes a step back. It examines the situation from the perspective of the Southern Reach, the organization that oversees the expeditions we got to know so intimately in the last book. Control is a newcomer, so he functions as a natural outsider perspective. However, he's far from naïve due to his past experience in what I have to assume is the CIA (just called "Central" in the book). It's clear from the get-go that the Southern Reach is falling apart with its ancient buildings, circular and helpless theories, dwindling funding, and bizarre office politics. While Annihilation frames the Southern Reach as shady and possibly complicit in Area X's existence, Authority demonstrates the government would be predictably bad at handling an unknowable cosmic horror zone over any length of time.

Though I noted in my Annihilation review that most of the mystery surrounding Area X remains just that, Authority casually drops two major revelations in the first few chapters. First is... it's definitely aliens, right? Like, that's the only explanation that tracks-- why everything about the place is anathema to humanity, why it's impossible for characters to fully understand it, why mimicry is such a major aspect, etc. If you didn't suspect this already, it explains a lot. In particular, the "colonization" terminology and imagery in Annihilation hits different in that context. I have a lot of feelings about how this series approaches the extraterrestrial, but I'll save that for my Acceptance review.

The second reveal is that Control is taking over for the former director of the Southern Reach, who is MIA following Annihilation's "twelfth" expedition. Who is the director? The psychologist-- the pseudo antagonist of the last book, who we know got Super Killed Off. Turns out she's important and probably not actually evil? The biologist is also inexplicably back, but something is off about her, and she insists on being called Ghost Bird now. Did the biologist truly return (counter to the ending of the last book) or is this one of the shells Area X sometimes spits back out into the real world? If she's the latter, Ghost Bird seems to have much more personality and self awareness than the others. It is interesting to consider an entity of Area X would willingly name herself.

So, Authority is a weird book. The horror element is still present, but toned down. Instead, there's a lot of focus on the new character Control, his past, and the workings of the Southern Reach. In some ways this is refreshing. Annihilation (and the finale Acceptance) are so deeply entwined with Area X it's hard to see what "normal" looks like, and Authority brings that perspective. Relatively speaking. Second, and this is a spoiler, much of that normalcy is a facade. Control is basically mind controlled (heh) by a faction in Central, and is unaware of it for most of the book. It comes across in little ways, like the anachronistic storytelling and Control's confusion/disorientation at times.

We also learn that Area X doesn't just contaminate things inside it, but things outside it as well... and it's been doing this for some time. As a result, there's always a sense of Area X lurking in the periphery, manifesting in strange and unexpected ways. Something I like is the background chatter Control overhears being lines from Annihilation, which he isn't aware of, but the reader sure is.

I've read this book a few times, and while there are things I really like about it, it's probably my least favorite of the trilogy. I think the slower pacing and different narrative approach have merits, but just aren't as interesting to me as the rest of the series. It's noteworthy that my favorite bits in Authority are the disturbing video of the first expedition and the sudden End of Evangelion-esque return of Area X near the end-- not the espionage and philosophical tangents that comprise most of the book. There are several ideas that seem interesting but don't go anywhere, and those feel like a waste of space. I think Authority could be pared down to half its page count and still get across the same feelings and general concept.

Control is also not the most interesting protagonist, especially compared to previous and later characters. He's not terrible, but he spends most of his time just thinking in circles and observing mundane office politics. While this is fine at first it starts to drag as the story goes on. As I said, a lot of tangents go nowhere, and there's not much going on beyond those until well over halfway into the book. Control does have a hidden tragic backstory, and it's interesting enough, but it barely factors into the overarching Area X storyline outside some symbolic comparisons. He feels out of place, perhaps intentionally.

I do like the dry humor and observations Control brings and how they contrast with the intense tone of Annihilation. I can also see the appeal of having a more ordinary character, if only to bring context to the extraordinary. But the problem is Control isn't ordinary. He's the youngest member of a dynasty of professional spies! Yet somehow I just don't find him exciting compared to an antisocial biologist. I dunno. Ultimately Control is a pawn in the story, used and manipulated by other people, and (spoilers) this doesn't change in Acceptance.

I had similar dilemmas with VanderMeer's Ambergris books, particularly book two, so perhaps it's a fact about his writing. When it's good it's GOOD, but sometimes the things I like get lost in rambling narrative fluff. The question is whether getting through the less interesting parts is worth it for the really good parts. With The Southern Reach trilogy, I'd argue the latter. I have no issues with the style or pacing in Annihilation or Acceptance, and the overarching story is fascinating.

I've mentioned many times before that I usually struggle with book twos in trilogies, and this one isn't an exception. However, I do appreciate what Authority is going for on a meta and lore level when viewing the series as a whole. It does establish a lot of things that either explain earlier stuff or pay off later; it just takes a while to get to them. The context of everything else bumps this to an 8.

#taylor reads #8/10 #2021 reading challenge #google why was this image so crisp yet i couldn't find anything good for annihilation. biphobia at its finest #i like how this review turned out :>

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flightfoot · 4 years

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What's your favorite Rick Riordan series between Percy Jackson, The Kane Chronicles, Heroes of Olympus, Magnus Chase and Trials of Apollo? (or like, if you can't choose, what do you like about the series you've read?)

Trials of Apollo, no contest.

I liked Percy Jackson a lot, it was VERY well done. Percy was hilarious and relatable, but also just super awesome, his dynamic with Annabeth was fun to read, along with his dynamic with Grover, the quests had a lot of entertaining encounters, and it had some well-executed themes that tied in with the overall conflict nicely, mostly about how parents’ and adults’ negligence and even abuse can harm their kids, the overall effects of that, and just... generally trying to get the parents to shape up, as well as the effects of not respecting others in general, like with how the minor gods and by extension, their children, are treated by the Olympians. It comes up with Percy’s relationships with both Gabe and Poseidon, and most of the campers’ relationships with their godly parents, and that’s a MAJOR cause behind the entire conflict, and one of the major things that Percy tries to make better at the end of the last book.

Kane Chronicles... it’s been awhile since I read it. I don’t remember it having as prevalent a theme as Percy Jackson did, though there was definitely social commentary on racism, with how Carter was sometimes treated, and with how people had trouble comprehending that Carter and Sadie were full siblings, since while both are mixed, Carter’s pretty dark-skinned, while Sadie looks White. It was more of a background thing though, not a major plot point. I liked the characters and the plot fine, they were entertaining, and it was good overall - but it’s not a series I’ve felt a pressing need to reread either. Only real complaint I have about it is the romances centering around Sadie. Her and Anubis were kinda cute, but it would’ve been a lot cuter if she was older than 12-13, and he wasn’t a 4000-year-old god who looked, acted, and was treated as a 16-year-old. And then the whole thing with making it a love triangle with Walt who’s ALSO 16 and Rick’s method of “solving” the love triangle... look honestly I just would’ve been a lot more ok with the romantic shenanigans there if Sadie wasn’t a middle-schooler throughout it. Overall still good though, I’d be down for an adaptation of it, but it’s one of the few cases where I hope something IS flat-out changed to make the romances more palatable.

Heroes of Olympus is where I originally fell off of the Riordanverse. There was just so long between books and I could barely remember what happened between them, and with most of the books being like parts of the same quest (especially books 3, 4, and 5), unless you were constantly refreshing your memory of them via fandom, they were hard to follow, especially with several main characters and different character dynamics to keep track of. When I went back and read the whole set of them though, getting back into the series, it was WAY better, since I could read them as a coherent whole. I could tell he was struggling to juggle all the characters, but I thought he did a fairly decent job of it for what it was. I ended up liking all the characters - ESPECIALLY Leo, I thought he was great and relatable and funny, but I also wanted to hug him - and while the quest could drag on a bit at times, there were some interesting parts there. And Percy and Annabeth’s journey through Tartarus was GREAT.

The themes for Heroes Of Olympus overall were pretty much the same as with Percy Jackson, but with less emphasis I think. It was mostly just “the gods (mostly Zeus, really) are being crappy again, but this time we have enough support among ourselves to manage, except for when a god is technically required to defeat a Giant”. A lot more emphasis was placed on individual character arcs and circumstances, which I think was a good choice, since with so many main characters, they needed more concentrated character development in order to put them up to par with Percy and Annabeth. Plus it allowed Rick to still go into some different themes a bit, like racism with Hazel, trauma with Leo, insecurity with Frank, etc, in a way that felt natural and relevant. It helped that they were broken up into different books for their introductions, so not everything was dumped in at once.

The ending of Heroes of Olmypus... yeah the final battle with the GIants was lame as all hell, and honestly the quest ended up feeling a bit like busywork, but screw it, I did LOVE one part of the ending. The imagery of big, bad Gaia, who even Zeus is so scared of he just wants to hide away with his head in the ground, physically manifesting and being about to take everyone out, everyone losing hope... and then screaming as Festus appears and snatches her up into the sky as Leo gives a shit-eating grin and hurls fireballs at her while insulting her the whole time is just GREAT. I always giggle, and I honestly found it a lot more memorable than the Kronos fight, even if it was technically less epic. It seemed fitting for her to be taken out in such an embarrassing way, by the boy she’d personally taken the most from.

Magnus Chase... yeah that’s the only one I didn’t finish. Quick note: its been over a year since I tried it, so I’m operating off of memory here. I wanted to like it, and after reading through Heroes of Olympus (which i originally stopped reading after Mark of Athena) and Trials of Apollo, I was all hyped up for more Riordanverse... and was disappointed. The basic elements were there, and the writing itself wasn’t bad, but... well, I never really got attached to most of the characters this time, I didn’t find the quest very interesting, and... well, you see how I mentioned about the themes in the earlier reviews? I thought Rick bit off more than he could chew with Magnus Chase, at least with the first book. (I slogged through the first book, got a hundred pages into the second book to see whether Alex, who I’d heard a lot of hype about, could save it, thought Alex was only ok but not someone who saved the book, and called it quits).

So in Magnus Chase, Rick went DEEP into the social commentary on a lot of disparate subjects, trying to really tackle homelessness, child abuse (because no duh, that’s pretty much a staple, I think the only of his series that DOESN’T have major themes around that is Kane Chronicles), Islamophobia, ableism, and... I’m having trouble thinking of the exact term for it, but Blitzen was heavily looked down upon and derided for wanting to make fashionable armor and just being into fashion in general, so... I think it’s supposed to commentary on making fun of people for having interests that are generally seen as feminine? I guess? I dunno, it was definitely social commentary on SOMETHING, but I think the dwarves having their own particular culture here hurt whatever Rick was trying to say, since social commentary is very much tied to the culture it’s in, and we only have a small taste of dwarven culture, at least in the first book.

In any case, all these things are fine to do social commentary on, but when you’re trying to go in-depth and really address them, it helps if they’re more tied in with the overall conflict in the book, and if each issue has room to breathe. As it was, it kinda felt to me like the characters were being paraded from location to location to confront some different social issue. I just thought it was too much, too crammed into one book, and the overall conflict had pretty much nothing to do with that. Like, at the end of the book Rick tried to tie it together with some sort of “we’re a band of misfits” message, and... well, a message based on NOT fitting in with society, isn’t one that’s very satisfying or cohesive. And the individual issues, while there’s certainly cross-sectionality between, aren’t intrinsically linked, so... they just don’t mesh together very well. Not so many, all mashed into one book. Plus I just didn’t care for any of the gods, and the only characters I liked were Magnus and Sam. Blitz and Hearthstone... they were just sort of “there” for me.

I can see why people like Magnus Chase, and it’s not BAD by any means, but it just wasn’t for me. Maybe I’ll take another crack at it at some point, but I’m not super optimistic about it. As it was, I just ended up looking up the parts where Magnus met with Annabeth and read those.

Trials of Apollo though, I ADORE. Apollo was hilarious (along with the books in general), it had a pretty focused message about child abuse and abuse in general, along with how a privileged position can blind you from the travesties that are going on around you, or that you yourself cause, and I just thought the themes worked very well. Rick went more in-depth this time on the exact consequences of child abuse and the ways that a parent could abuse and manipulate their child, something that wasn’t covered as much in his earlier series, as those were more based around neglect. I’m a sucker for a good redemption arc, and I was really impressed with how it was kinda slipped in with Apollo. Like, he didn’t even know he NEEDED one, and the good guys weren’t especially pressing him on that point, it’s a realization he slowly came to over the course of several books. And you can clearly tell that he’s conceited and has issues, but isn’t actually malicious... and slowly the reader comes to the realization that he has hidden depths, that not even HE knew he had. It’s really interesting how he did some pretty bad things (or DIDN’T do, a lot of it has to do with inaction and just being uncaring), but he never comes off as being like, evil. He comes off as being an arrogant, narcissistic person at first, but then slowly finding out that beneath that is a lot of pain and trauma, and part of that persona he’s built up has been to deal with this. Watching him slowly change and grow and discover himself during the series, in a way he never had before... it’s just amazing to read. Also puts a nice cap on the Greco-Roman saga, in that the past two series had a heavy emphasis on how the gods didn’t care enough and had to have their hands forced a lot, and Apollo sort of acting as a stand-in for those other gods, showing that yes, they CAN change for the better - something that most of the gods, and even other immortals, didn’t think was possible, even as they did it.

Well that was super long. But yeah, I have strong feelings on the Riordanverse, and Trials of Apollo is far and away my favorite.

#ask #long post #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #kane chronicles #trials of apollo

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spnfanficpond · 5 years

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January Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THE FIRST ANGEL FISH AWARDS OF 2020!

Cabin Fever (a long oneshot) by @slytherkins was nominated three times!

I said all of this in my reblog, but this is FUCKING GOLD. It depicts life with chronic pain so beautifully, I read most of this with my heart in my throat. Have tissues, heed the warnings, but definitely read this! - @mrswhozeewhatsis

Tara is the Queen of Angst. She never fails to break my heart but this fic was something else entirely. I always feel like her stories could be canon and this is no exception!! Dean was exactly how I imagine he would be, Sam too. Without giving any spoilers: the scene setting - I was there, I could see them preparing dinner, sat around the table eating, I felt the coldness of the snow.

The raw emotions were sublime, I cried with Dean. I felt I could feel his pain, I was with him every step of the way, I felt his desperation. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. - @princessmisery666

O. M. G. I don’t expect anything less than incredible when I read Tara’s stuff, but this is on another level. The angst is painful (literally, sometimes), the detail is exquisite. She put heart and soul into this, and it shows. And as always, her Dean is spot-tf-on. Tara’s a brilliant writer, and this fic is amazing. ❤❤❤ - @risingphoenix761

Nominated by @manawhaat

Satin (oneshot) by @wingedcatninja

This fic has some out of the box, vulnerable, sexy, surprising Dean feels! I went into it expecting one thing and what I got was so different from what I could have imagined, but it was so wonderful and refreshing to read!

Next Year (series) by @wingedcatninja

Holy crap, the intensity and control in this fic is astounding. It’s so palpable from start to end and this is only the first fucking part. Seriously stellar and surprisingly reverential.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

For Better or Worst (ongoing series) by @stunudo

There’s so much mystery and intrigue in this series and I just can’t stop wondering how it’s all going to work out! Sam made some kind of deal to save the world and the deal involved marrying this woman and getting out of hunting. But what was the deal, exactly? And where’s Dean? And who is this woman? What about Cas and Jack? I’m so freaking hooked and I can’t wait to find out!!

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Love You To Death (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not into AU’s but this had me hooked from the beginning. I hate Y/N, I hope she gets whats coming to her, but I also so desperately want to be her, which is a testament to the wonderful writing of both Lisa and Bee. I can’t wait to see how this one unfolds.

These two together are a force to be reckoned with.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

One And One Make Three (series) by @supernatural-jackles

This series was absolutely stunning, beautifully written, and an amazing rollercoaster of emotion. Jen handled some very sensitive subject matters with grace and wit. It has ALL the feels; I cried, laughed, and loved right along with the characters.

Nominated by @flamencodiva

Skeptics and True Believers (series) by @d-s-winchester

I love this story! It had me on the edge of my seat when I read through the master list. the way she wove the story together made me happy for the ending to the story!

Good Things (series) by @crashdevlin

This is Part one to four parts of writing GOLD! Cassie knows how to completely put you in the story and envision what is happening.

How Do You Spell Forever? (series) by @kittenofdoomage

This is part one of a four parter and OMG! Can I say that this is sweet and cute and full of A/B/O goodness? because this is! and it should be read and shared!

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

Heathens (series) by @pink1031

Why: I have been 1000000% hooked on this story since the first chapter was published. It’s a little bit twisted, a little bit wrong, a whole lot dirty, and a whole lot of amazing writing! At the time of this submission, the last chapter is in progress (don’t get me started on the fact that it’s ending D:). It is without a doubt, one of the few stories I stop what I am doing (life permitting) and read the new chapter when I get notified. READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY THOUGH, this is not a story for the faint of heart or those that get squicked out (is that even a term?). But if you like dark and dirty, this fic will absolutely be your jam.

Nominated by @risingphoenix761

My Home (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

Short and sweet, but it got me all choked up. To repeat what I said in tags, bless this fic and the hands that typed it.

Feels Like The First Time (oneshot) by @stusbunker

This gets better every time I reread it. Sweet and sexy and kinda touching. Any time I need a Samwitch fix, I come back to this one. ❤

Nominated by @lovetusk ( @fictionalabyss )

Turning Into Butter (oneshot) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Lets be honest with this one, shall we? We’d ALL get that distracted by a half naked Dean.

Please Don’t Go (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

Dawn tested out her Angsting abilities in this Adam x Reader fic, and I’m hoping we get to see more of it. Like why is Dean so angry? I NEED TO KNOW!

Someone You Loved (oneshot) by @ne-gans

So glad ne-gans is now part of the pond because now I can nominate this beautiful thing that made me cry.

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

Stupor (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

The hottest hot to ever hot in the hottest way possible - SOULLESS!DOM!SAM!! I ded. Very hot. Much smut. Very good.

Hurt So Good (oneshot) by @alleiradayne

This was tasty. Pun intended. I have such a biting thing and Sam would be so amazing. Yes. Devour me, Winchester!! Loved it.

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666

I went into this one intrigued by the concept and I got even more than I was hoping for. A little twist I didn’t expect here, a perfect ending there. Amazing.

Control And Release (series) by @thecleverdame

I just needed to bring this one back. Started rereading the entire series and it’s still as amazing as the first time I read this masterpiece.

Photographs and Gasoline (oneshot) by @ne-gans

Always gotta check the new pond member list when I’m making my rounds. Found this fic and fell in love. It’s absolutely heartbreaking but I loved every second of it. Guess if I have to torture myself, I prefer to do it with beautiful writing like this.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Smokes and Sex Toys (oneshot) by @wayward-and-worn

This is delightfully fucking filthy. But that’s not all; Dean’s characterization is SO DEAN - flirty yet straightforward - it reminded me of the scene with the bartender in Defending Your Life, I love the simple yet creative premise, and I adore that it’s left open-ended.

Sick Day - @fangirlxwritesx67

Viv wrote this for me - it’s true - but that isn’t the reason I’m nominating this; it’s because this is so warm and comfortable and just feels like Dean. Like I actually felt like I was in his lap while I feel asleep reading this. (Also, check out my girl’s other works. She’s fairly new but balls to the wall and bursting with ideas and words for just about anyone.)

Nominated by @slytherkins

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666

Short. Sinful. Sexy. It’s like a smutty snack that hits the spot. (And so does Dean.)

Nominated by @kittenofdoomage

What Goes Bump In The Night (series) by @saxxxology

A phenomenal series, historic and dark, with all the fantastic detail you’d expect from Saxxy and more! Please heed the warnings though!

The World Doesn’t Know (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

A wonderful little smutty J2 fic, for those who enjoy that fantasy.

Marked (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I’ve only read the first chapter so far, but hot damn! This is a spectacular start to a promisingly dark series. AND The Right Spot - a smutty smutty follow up to another oneshot that literally made me sweat.

Just Like A Pill by @princessmisery666

The angsty sequel to In Spite Of What My Heart Says and you should totally read both parts, just keep tissues by you in case of heartbreak!

Nominated by @focusonspn

House Of The Rising Sun (series) by @kittenofdoomage

I’ve never liked BDSM themes too much but, OH MY GOOD!! This series is AMAZING!! It even has a sequel: The Ones You Love. Go and read it, you won’t regret it.

Yes, Sir (series) by @evansrogerskitten

Ash must be tired of me praising this fic but I can’t help myself, it’s one of my favorite series ever and deserves this recognition. This is a series that every John girl out there should be reading RIGHT NOW. It has everything! Smut, fluff and a tiny bit of angst and drama.

Good Vibrations (series) by @impala-dreamer

At first I wasn’t sure if I should bring this fic here because all the drama I heard it existed about it but, then I thought it twice, and I came to the conclusion that this fic definitely deserve to be part of these awards. This piece of writing was the first (after Dear John, I have to admit) that actually made me cry. It’s dark, it’s sad as fuck, it’s damn well written, and makes you easily get inside the characters and feel what they’re feeling. That being said, if you’re thinking of reading it, please HEED THE WARNINGS.

Take a Drunk Girl Home (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

This fic is so beautiful and so well written that I promise you even can end up tearing up a little, but it’s so worth it that you won’t care a bit.

Nominated by @emilyshurley

His Property (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

I freaking love this series to the point that i binged the series (and it’s sequel, Yours) in a single day.

Just Me & My Baby (oneshot) by @deanwinchesterswitch

Can’t get over how adorable it is.

Guns and Ribbons (series) by @myinconnelly1

What can I say Dean Winchester deserves all the love in this world and so does this series.

I Can See Clearly Now (oneshot) by @katehuntington

I can’t. I don’t have words. This is perfection.

In the Heat of the Night (series) by @evansrogerskitten

Nominated by @impalaimagining

Goals (oneshot) by @atc74

Okay. It's been a long time since I've found Sam smut that really gets me into it. This though - it's a whole different level of wonderful. I love the way it explores a woman finding and embracing her own sexuality, and the frustration that can come along with it. It's obvious how much effort and research and actual planning went into this. My favorite kinds of fics are those that draw from real life experiences, which I think it what makes this one so special. And the end? Yes please!

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67

Everything (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I can’t even talk about how great this J2 x reader series is without incoherent fangirl flailing. It’s wildly creative, sharply well written, and absolutely panty-melting filthy! And then just when you’re so hot and bothered that you can’t see straight, *boom*, it’s sweet and intimate and loving. I don’t think there’s a series out there I’ve read this many times!

Hark and Hush by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is a luscious, dark and twisted fairy tale about Dean and the spirit of the Big Bad Wolf. It’s written so vividly that you can see and smell and taste the whole story. Sexy af, of course, and so intense- take the warnings seriously!

The Kind of Girl You Like (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

To me, MJ will always be the Queen of the Winchester threesome and this series shows exactly why. Smoking hot story about the brothers sharing a sub that quickly unfolds into something complex and beautiful. The last chapter especially is written with so much emotional depth- the first time I read it, I was swearing and crying and smiling all at once because it was so well done! Just the best!

Nominated by @supersassyprobablysad

How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington

Hey so I wanted to do an angel fish award nom for Kate for her How You & I Will Be fic. In 5 parts she not only developed believable characters but by the end I was ugly crying (and I don’t cry a lot so that’s saying something). The ending feels totally necessary too, not like it was just done for shock value. Anyway I love it, it’s the best I’ve read in a long time.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #angel fish awards #spnfanficpond #spn fic rec #spn fanfic #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #supernatural fic rec #spn fan fic

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