#i feel like if i apologise for something it is at least partially a promise to not do it again; or at least to Try not to do it again

[fingertipsmp3]

Maybe this is just me but I don’t see the point in apologising for something if you’re just going to do it over and over again. Especially if the person you’re apologising to doesn’t mind. At that point you’re not even apologising as a courtesy, it’s just totally meaningless

[another-lost-mc]

hiii could i request how you think the characters with reptile like demon forms would react to an mc that's really scared of snakes? (we get a lot of wild venomous ones where i live and I've been terrified of them since i was little)

like for example if either levi or barbatos tails suddenly touched my leg without warning id probably jump out of my skin thinking it was a snake crawling up my leg and then id have to apologise profusely because i wouldn't want to hurt their feelings 😭

pet snakes are fine as long as like. they're in their enclosure or im not touching them, id probably think henry 1.0 was cool to watch in his enclosure but would be too scared to hold him so i feel like levi would not like me for a bit </3 barbatos might be understanding since he's scared of rats

A/N: I've always pictured Mephisto with a tail seeing how the RAD sports event played out in Lesson 68, so I'm including him in this.

LEVIATHAN, BARBATOS and MEPHISTOPHELES

0.6k words | SFW | gn!Reader

Warnings: anxiety, insecurities, developing relationships (romantic or platonic in nature, your choice).

You inform them right from the start, "I have a fear/phobia of snakes," but some of the demons hear, "I don't like snakes." They might not understand what the big deal is or take it seriously. Okay, sure, the Devildom serpents might be a bit bigger or deadlier than their human world counterparts, but it's not like they'll let you get eaten or anything!

When you first arrive, the ones with reptilian tails sort of glance at their tails and back to you and shrug. What are the chances you'll see their real forms very often, let alone be in a position where you might actually touch them?

Levi is the first one to scoff and act like you and his tail have zero business being near each other. Fast forward to a few weeks later when you're both asleep in his tub after watching a streamer marathon on DevilTube. He's not sure how it happened but he shifted into his demon form during the night—at least partially—and woke up to you screaming and scrambling from the tub. It's not his fault his tail ended up curled around your leg! (Wait, why did it do that?) That's not important! He tries to blame you at first for being scared to begin with, then he blames himself for being even more disgusting and off-putting to you. He's going to feel embarrassed and a bit guilty about it, but it's going to take a while to get him calm enough to have an actual discussion about what happened. He'll be nervous sharing a tub with you after that because he can't promise it won't happen again, but he really likes cuddling with you...maybe he can put a body pillow between you? He'll brainstorm ideas to try and keep the accidental tail-wrapping to a minimum, and if he does go into his demon form on purpose, he's careful to keep it away from you.

Barbatos has even less reason to believe that you'll have any reason to come into contact with his tail. He doesn't like it when others touch his tail on the best days, and he trusts that you can keep your hands to yourself. He's very conscious about what his winged horns and tail are up to when he's carrying out duties in his true form. You've walked together before without any issues, and he makes sure that his tail flicks away from you to avoid any mishaps. He can't explain what happened the day you were walking through the Demon Lord's castle together. You yelled suddenly and he thought you saw a rat with how upset you sounded. He's not sure why one of the forks of his tail tried to slither around your wrist. (Later on he'll ruminate about how that was even possible—he should've caught himself before that even happened.) He apologizes profusely and masks his own embarrassment over the incident. He might avoid using his true form around you for a while after that to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Mephisto sees your issues with reptiles as something you need to deal with, and it doesn't concern him at all. It's not like he plans on spending more time around you than necessary, and certainly not in his true form. If that means seeing even less of you so you can avoid him, even better. Later, after he's eaten his words and you're almost friendly, you finally see his tail. It's not as long or scaly as Levi's, and it's not...wet...like Barbatos', but it's still snake-ish enough to give you goosebumps the first time you see it. He stands a few paces away from you, his true form on full display, but there's something vulnerable in his eyes even though he keeps his head tipped up defiantly. He braces himself for disgust or fear and he's not sure why anxiety gnaws in his gut when he waits for your approval. It's a positive sign that you don't run from the Newspaper Club office in terror. You offer him a smile to let him know you're fine if he wants to stay that way since you trust him to keep his parts away from you. (He lets out a deep breath he didn't realize he was holding when you turn away to continue sorting documents, and he remains in his true form—to help you get used to it, obviously.)

[lossie92]

As promised here's a snippet from A Hand to Reach For aka my "there was only one bed" abo fic.

Rn I'm starting on chapter 3, so it's good progress, consider I was at 2k only 3 days ago. Maybe I can actually finish it soon, who knows...

Hope you enjoy!

-

“Tobirama-san?”

“Hm?” Tobirama hummed distractedly in response as he turned his head to glance at Madara. They had decided to stop for a moment to eat something and Tobirama must have spaced out at some point. The other man was sitting only a few paces away from him, an open bento in his lap.

An embarrassed flush crept up Tobirama's cheeks. “I’m sorry. Did you… Do you need something from me, Madara-sama?” He hurried to say, hating how stilted and awkward he sounded.

“No, not really. I just… You haven’t touched your food in a while, is all,” Madara said, indicating the bento in Tobirama’s own lap which was indeed only partially eaten. “Is it not to your liking?”

Tobirama’s cheeks darkened even further, the blush spreading to his neck. Despite changing his own mind about Madara, he was probably on the right track to make the man hate him by being unforgivably rude.

“I… that’s not—” He stumbled over his words for a moment as he instinctively pulled the bento closer. “I was just… I was lost in thought. It’s very good. I, I apologise. I meant no offence.”

Madara blinked at him owlishly, clearly a bit taken aback. “I’m not offended…?” He said, posing it more like a question. “I was just wondering if perhaps I made you something you didn’t enjoy. Hashirama wasn’t the most helpful with your likes and dislikes, I’m afraid.”

If his grip on the bento wasn’t vice-like and if he didn’t absolutely refuse to let even one grain of rice in it go to waste, Tobirama would have surely dropped the box in shock at what Madara had just said.

“You— You made this? For me?”

“Of course I did,” Madara told him as if it was obvious. “I could hardly have you eat a ready meal and those ratios that are usually given out are rather… Well, they are disgusting, is what they are.”

It was of course a fair point. The standard provision packs offered to shinobi going on out-of-village assignments were despicable. Plain, flavourless mush with rice on the side that checked all the proper nutrition boxes at the expense of taste. It was honestly better to skip it and go straight into eating the Akimichi energy bars instead. They did have a bit of a weird aftertaste, but at least they didn’t make anyone actively sick to their stomach. 

Still, avoiding these didn’t exactly answer why Madara had felt the need to cook Tobirama food, never mind something that was tailored to Tobirama’s peculiar palate.

“Why?” Tobirama asked and then hurried on to add, “Not that I don’t appreciate it! Because I do! I just… I don’t understand?”

Madara snorted, clearly amused by Tobirama’s bumbling. “It’s not very complicated,” he said, the corners of his mouth lifting into a barely-there smile, “You are Hashirama’s brother and Jin-chan’s friend. It makes you a member of my pack by default.”

Tobirama’s eyes widened. “Oh. And that’s why you would—?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Madara confirmed. He seemed awfully nonchalant about this. “It’s part of my protective instincts. Whenever I go on missions with my packmates, I make them food they like, pack the things they could potentially need, make sure they feel well… Helps me stay focused, I suppose.”

Tobirama nodded slowly. “It… makes sense,” he said after a moment. And it did, very much so. Tobirama was just shocked to realise that all of this included him as well.

“And you are alright with it?” Madara asked. “You seem a little—”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Tobirama hurried to say. No matter how surprised he was, he didn’t want Madara to feel bad about doing something so nice. It was just his own insecurity getting in the way, nothing else. “Grilled fish is my favourite, actually. So thank you.”

Madara’s smile widened at that, the expression surprisingly heartwarming. “Ah, I’m glad to hear it,” he said. “Can I ask what else you like?”

“Sure. There’s just… There’s not much?” Tobirama could feel his face warming up in embarrassment. His eating habits had been a subject of jokes in his family for far too long to make him comfortable talking about them. “I just… My cousin, Touka. She likes to say I’m a picky eater and, well, um…”

“She’s onto something?” Madara finished for him, his smile turning into a full-on grin.

Tobirama shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? I think I just have strong preferences. I just… I don’t see the reason to eat things I don’t enjoy, so I don’t eat them, that’s all.”

Madara hummed thoughtfully in response. “I get it. Food should be enjoyed. It’s not yet another chore to be completed, is it?” He said before adding, “But now I do need to know what you like to eat, Tobirama-san. The curiosity might just kill me otherwise.”

If Tobirama sniggered at that, it was his own business. 

Who knew Uchiha Madara actually had a sense of humour?

[butterflyyeo]

drunk in love

pairing - yeosang x fem reader

genre - fluff, angst (?)

tw - lots of alcohol consumption, swearing

wc - 10k

side ships - seongjoong, yungi

a/n -- was meant to be angst but turned into fluff... im trying my best to get better at writing angst aaaah. but please enjoy this for now <3 thanks for letting me tag you @iminchaosnow !!

------------------------------------------- you had known kang yeosang for nearly two years now. two, dreadfully slow and exhausting years.it was your final year of high school when he transferred to your school, he was a close family friend of wooyoung's. his parents had spoken highly of the school, insisting that yeosang transfers in order to excel for his last year of schooling. as far as you were concerned, he had decent grades, but he preferred to spend his time hanging around the skatepark after dark, when everyone else had left.

and in all the two years you'd known him, you had never once had a full conversation with him, despite being in your group of friends. his side of the 'conversation' usually consisted of monotonous 'yeahs' and 'mhms'. wooyoung constantly assured you it was because he's shy and that he'd eventually open up. but you weren't convinced. you tried so hard for him to like you, but your efforts were fruitless. it was infuriating, feeling like you were constantly doing something wrong whenever you were around him.

you currently found yourself in the backseat of yeosang's car, wedged between a drunken yunho and mingi while a chaotic wooyoung was singing along to his chosen playlist. (though, it sounded more like wailing.)

you and the eight boys had all decided to take a gap year, spend every last cent you earned on adventure and alcohol to make lifelong memories, before your careers became a blockade in your friendship. but the year was coming to an end soon, it was already mid november. on the bright side, that meant your favourite holidays were just weeks away.

yeosang was always the designated driver. that was something you had noticed about him over the last few years. to be honest, you weren't sure just how he coped with a screeching wooyoung, because you sure as hell weren't dealing very well with yunho and mingi who were playing a very intense game of rock paper scissors to decide who would be crashing on the couch in your apartment.

"i win!" mingi cheered, waving his hands excitedly. "you're on the couch, man."

yunho frowned, "damn."

you laughed, "it's okay, yunho. you can share the bed with me if you'd like."

"hey! that's not fair y/n! you said i could this time." wooyoung whined from the front seat.

"sorry, woo. you know i keep my promises, but you're going back to your apartment. remember?" you tried to reason.

wooyoung looked as though someone had switched a lightbulb on behind his eyes, "oh yeah! i forgot."

the four of you burst into laughter, mainly caused by the alcohol and partially because of wooyoung's realisation. and still, yeosang didn't crack a smile, hands just gripping the steering wheel tighter as his knuckles turned white.

soon, you arrived outside your apartment block, quickly stepping out the car after yunho. wooyoung wound his window down and you poked your head in, attempting to hug him goodbye.

"bye woo!" you said, giggling at your faltered farewell.

"good night y/n, thanks for the drinks!" he shouted, exclaiming a bit too loudly next to your ear.

"thanks for the lift as always, yeosang!" you yelled, pulling away from wooyoung's tight hug.

he nodded, "no problem." before putting the window up and driving away.

you pouted, turning around to face the two boys. "i just don't understand what i'm doing wrong." you buried your face into your hands, "why doesn't he like me?" you groaned.

"y/n." mingi began, "its nearly 1am, its way too late for this 'why does yeosang hate me?' crap." he shook your shoulders, literally trying to shake some sense into you.

"yeah, mingi's right. we've had this discussion a thousand times." yunho said grasping your wrist and pulling you up the stairs, stumbling along the way. (because lets be real, stairs are difficult enough as it is, let alone when drunk.) "now, let us into your apartment so we can eat your food and crash on your couch!" he joked, nudging mingi in a playful manner.

you reached into your pocket and fumbled around with they key for a moment before unlocking the door. the boys practically pushed you inside and made a beeline for the fridge.

"help yourselves! i'm going to shower." you called, dragging yourself to your bedroom.

once you'd finished showering you went back to the living room to check on yunho and mingi. not so much to your surprise, they had fallen asleep on your couch already, cuddled up into each other. it was cute, even picture worthy to show their sober selves. you reached for your phone which typically lived in your pocket, though you began to panic when it wasn't there. hurrying around the apartment, you searched every possible nook and cranny for your phone, but it was nowhere to be found. you collapsed onto your bed, snuggling into the soft sheets, too tired to worry about your phone anymore and content with the assumption that you'd left it in yeosang's car.

shortly, your heavy eyes fell shut and you began to sleep away the tequila.

————————

the next morning you awoke to mingi and yunho's deep, hungover voices, discussing their plans for the next week.

you reluctantly pulled yourself out of bed and dawdled down the hallway.

"ah! there's our favourite karaoke partner!" yunho greeted, jokingly.

you laughed, "shh, don't let wooyoung hear you say that."

"she's right, man. he'd be so offended." mingi said, stretching out his sore limbs. "how are you feeling today, y/n?" he asked.

"not the worst hangover i've had. what about you guys? you're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like, until you feel better." you replied, knowing them well enough to know that they'd need at least a few painkillers and a good meal before they went home.

yunho chuckled, "i feel like crap, but nothing a sandwich and glass of water can't solve."

"i second that." mingi said, raising a hand.

"okay, well in that case, i'll go to the store and get something for breakfast. sound good?" you reasoned, running a hand through your hair. you loved these boys, and making them breakfast was just a nice way of showing you cared. drunk or not, they knew how to make you smile and laugh, which they loved to see.

"sounds amazing!" yunho said, breaking into a sincere smile.

you quickly changed out of your pyjamas and slipped some shoes on.

"i might be a bit longer, i need to stop by yeosang's. i think i left my phone in his car." you explained, picking your keys up from the kitchen counter. "see you guys soon! feel free to take a shower if you want." you said, waving goodbye and heading out the door.

"okay, bye y/n!" the boys called from behind you.

the first stop was yeosang's apartment, he only lived about ten minutes away with wooyoung and san, in the same building as jongho. both yunho and mingi lived on the other side of town, which is why they so often crashed at your place after parties. seonghwa and hongjoong were fortunate enough to live in a house, just outside town, they had actually been the hosts of last night's party.

it didn't take long to get there. you pushed open the lobby door and made your way over to the elevator, disappointed to see that it was out of order for maintenance. instead, you took the stairs and began spiralling upwards. less than a minute later you looked up, only to bump into the man you came looking for.

"oh, yeosang! i'm so sorry, i didn't mean to." you quickly apologised, worried about creating another reason for him to dislike you.

"it's fine." he shrugged.

you both began to talk again at the same time, "ah, sorry, you go."

"i was just gonna say, you left your phone in my car. actually, i was about to bring it back." he pulled your phone from the pocket of his jacket, handing it to you. as he did, your fingers brushed against his. he spun around suddenly and began to walk away, "i'll see you around."

he had left before you even had a chance to thank him. slightly confused and frustrated, you turned back around and traipsed down the stairs.

you gathered what you needed for a hearty breakfast at the local convenience store before heading home and spending the rest of the day in the enjoyable company of yunho and mingi.

yeosang had entered back into his apartment and sat down on the couch.

"back already?" wooyoung asked, rummaging through the fridge.

"she was coming to get her phone and i ran into her on the staircase."

wooyoung sighed, "when are you gonna stop hating her?"

"i don't hate her." yeosang said, not looking up from his phone.

"then why do you act like you do?"

yeosang pretended to not hear that question and continued to scroll through his phone. see, he'd rather not dwell on things that he couldn't understand.

————————

to fill up your weekdays during your gap year, you had picked up a job at a hotel in town as a receptionist. to your dismay, your boss had asked you to work night shift all week, which is how you found yourself here on thursday night, sitting alert and waiting for the slight chance that someone might check in at this time of night. it was a pretty fancy hotel, and the job payed well enough, so really, you had nothing to complain about.

the nights seemed to drag on for an eternity. to keep yourself busy, you often wasted time counting the cars that drove past, or tried to count the number of crystals that hung from the chandelier. so far, only a few people had checked in during your shift, having come from overseas and recently arriving at the airport. honestly, whenever someone walked through the front door, lugging a suitcase behind them, you got excited as it gave you something to do.

the clock was creeping up to 4am and you let out a quiet yawn, feeling drowsy as your body clock hadn't yet adjusted to the change of sleeping patterns on such short notice. taking a sip of water, you shook your head, trying to stay awake. your head suddenly jolted up at the sound of the front door opening.

a man stumbled forward, and you'd seen enough zombie movies to become instantly paranoid. you quickly pushed the thought out of your head, feeling ridiculous for even considering it. but as the man got closer, you could smell the cheap, potent alcohol lingering on his body.

he leant against the desk, peering down at you. "i need a room for the night."  he grumbled. "my stupid wife kicked me out." he said under his breath.

you forced a friendly smile, despite feeling uneasy, "of course! i just need you to fill in this form with some simple details." you said, sliding across a clipboard and a pen.

he huffed, picking up the pen and scribbling onto the sheet of paper before pushing it back to you. "can i go now?"

"just a moment, sir." you replied, eyes skimming over the form as you copied the information into the computer in front of you.

the man was growing impatient, stepping from foot to foot with his arms crossed.

"uh, sir, you missed a part of the form. could you please provide your phone number here." you pointed to the empty space on the sheet.

"for fucks sake." he muttered, "i don't have my phone on me and i don't know my phone number." he said, annoyedly tapping on the desk.

"i'm really sorry, sir, but—"

"can't you just find me a fucking room?" he snapped, hands balled into fists and slamming against the desk, making you jump in fright.

before you had time to try and reason with him, he continued to shout.

"you're as stupid as my wife! i'll just find a different fucking hotel." he yelled, swiping the clipboard and pen off the desk. "useless bitch." he mumbled as he kicked over a chair on his way out.

you chewed your bottom lip, trying to fight back the tears. with shaky hands, you picked up your phone and dialled the first place that came to mind. after a few rings, the phone answered.

"woo?" you croaked, trying hard to not cry.

"he's asleep. this is yeosang." he replied, evidently having just woken up by the sound of his voice.

"oh." you began, instantly feeling guilty for waking him up, "i'm sorry i didn't mean to disturb you."

"did you need something?" he asked.

"i just, i was..." you let out a sob, wiping at a tear falling from your eye.

this didn't go unnoticed by yeosang, "are you crying? what are you doing awake right now anyway?"

"i'm at work." you managed to choke out.

"at 4am?"

"i'm on night shift."

"why are you crying then?" he asked, feeling something slightly tug at his heart, but choosing to ignore it.

you began to ramble, "a man came in and he was really drunk and complaining about his wife and then he yelled at me because i asked him to give his phone number and—"

"i'm on my way." yeosang cut you off.

"what?"

"i'll be there in ten." with that, he hung up the phone.

exactly ten minutes later, you were sat in the passenger seat of yeosang's car. he was dressed in sweats, clearly having come straight from bed. you'd left a note on the desk, explaining to your coworker why you wouldn't be there when she arrived to take over your shift. a silence filled the car, and you felt the need to talk, but chose not to, worried about giving yeosang another reason to hate you.

once you arrived outside your apartment building, you were surprised that yeosang got out the car too and trailed closely behind you up the stairs to your apartment. when you reached the door you spun around to face him.

"thank you for bringing me home." you said, voice quiet and still rather shaken up.

"it's no problem. good night, y/n." he replied, sensing that you were still upset. he suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around you tightly and not let go until you stopped crying. he wanted to protect you from every drunk idiot on the planet. he wanted to make you feel safe.

but instead, he watched as you closed the door behind you and locked it from inside.

————————

you arrived at work the next morning, instantly feeling more comfortable with cleaners, employees and people coming and going. immediately, you headed for your boss's office.

"good morning, sir. i just wanted to come and apologise for leaving my shift early last night. i can assure you it won't happen again." you said, feeling nervous as to what your boss might say.

he shook his head, "i should be the one apologising, a man came in this morning and spoke very sternly about the safety problems here. i realise now how stupid it was of me to make you work night shift, alone, at such a young age. we've hired security guards and have also made sure that two people will be on desk at all times. i'm sorry that you had to deal with that."

you were at a loss for words, you didn't think that there would be such drastic changes just from the once incident. "thank you so much." you replied.

"for now, take the rest of the day off. you'll only be working day shifts for next week and can return to doing night shifts whenever you feel ready to do so." your boss said, motioning for the door.

the rest of the day you spent in deep sleep, catching up on some much overdue rest.

———————

weeks passed and you found that work was much more enjoyable. you still hadn't returned to working night shifts, but at least now you had someone to run the front desk with you and keep you company.

this weekend, you were going to visit hongjoong and seonghwa. hongjoong was sick and so you decided to go help out since seonghwa couldn't always be there to look after him.

you knocked on their front door and was surprised to be greeted by san.

"good afternoon! come in." he gave you a hug before ushering you inside.

"what are you doing here?" you said, following him down the hall.

in the living room, you saw all eight of the boys gathered around a couch-ridden hongjoong.

"jongho was already here when me, yeosang and woo arrived." san explained.

"yeah, and then mingi and yunho turned up." wooyoung continued.

"y/n! i have never been more glad to see you! you gotta save me from them." hongjoong laughed, arms open, signalling for a hug.

you went over and embraced him in a hug, "good thing i brought an excessive amount of cookies." you said, placing the box of cookies on the coffee table next to the couch. the table was covered in empty mugs and bowls, you could tell seonghwa had been busy and hadn't had the chance to clean up. you opened up the box and handed him a cookie before offering them around to the rest of the boys.

"you're the best cook ever." mingi said, taking a big bite.

"i made you spaghetti last night!" yunho countered, feeling offended that his roommate didn't think he was the better cook. mingi just laughed and took another bite.

"jongho get off the counter, please." seonghwa said, coming through the front door. "don't be so comfortable, you were throwing up in my toilet like a month ago." he joked.

yeosang glanced your way, his eyebrows furrowed like he was contemplating something.

"lets head off and give these two some space." yunho said, dragging mingi behind him.

wooyoung stood up, "yeah, lets get going."

yeosang pulled his keys from his pocket, "okay, bye guys." he said, heading down the hallway.

"can we get some food on the way home?" you heard san call as they left.

"bye hongjoong! i hope you're feeling better soon." jongho said, "bye seonghwa, i promise i won't throw up in your toilet any time soon." he joked, leaving through the front door.

"seonghwa, how are you? don't forget to take some time for yourself as well." you frowned.

"i'm tired, but i'll be okay. i just gotta clean up and—"

"why don't you go rest a while? i can keep hongjoong company for a few hours." you reasoned, wanting to help as much as possible. there was nothing you hated more than seeing you friends in distress and upset.

he looked between hongjoong and yourself, "i couldn't."

hongjoong let out an audible huff, "hwa! will you just let her help please, she clearly wants to."

you grinned, "exactly, now go read or sleep or watch some tv or something." you said, gently pushing him towards their shared bedroom.

you spent the afternoon tidying up and talking with hongjoong. you managed to do all the dishes and put them away before scouring their kitchen, deciding on what you could use for dinner. you found everything you needed for a decent meal and began cooking it up. hongjoong had dozed off mid conversation, surrounded in a pile of tissues, you chose to let him sleep so he would recover quicker.

about an hour later, you placed two steamy hot meals onto their dining table next to two full glasses of water. you quietly knocked on their bedroom door, finding seonghwa asleep amongst the covers.

you gently shook him awake, "hwa, i made dinner for you guys. you can wake joong up, i'll head off now." you said with a smile.

leaving the two of them to enjoy their dinner, you headed home and cooked yourself something to eat. it was nice having some time to yourself, but saturday nights were becoming more and more empty as winter grew closer. december was only days away and the year would soon come to an end. you reached for the phone, suddenly desperately missing your friends despite only seeing them hours ago.

"hey woo, are you free next weekend?" you asked.

he paused a moment, "i think so, why?"

"you wanna go out with the others? it's been a while since we have all caught up for drinks."

"count me in!" wooyoung cheered.

you called everyone else up and they all agreed, even hongjoong promised to come if he was feeling better.

————————

you found yourself surrounded by wooyoung, san, yunho and mingi as the music blared. it was a less popular club on the far side of town but it was a comfortable place for you all. you often came here for drinks and the staff members knew you, quite well, a little too well. san grabbed your hand and spun you around a few times with the music.

you laughed, leaning against him, "maybe spinning around isn't the best idea right after two shots of vodka."

"what?" san yelled into your ear, struggling to hear you over the music.

you laughed louder, pulling him closer to you, "i said, spinning is not a good idea after drinking vodka!"

"oh!" he joined you in laughing before trying to twirl you around once more.

hongjoong and seonghwa sat at the bar, holding hands and being intimate as always. yeosang was sat next to jongho at a booth, quietly talking with him, but from the corner of your eye, you saw jongho stand up and walk away. your eyes watched him worriedly and you couldn't help but run after him. you followed him as best you could, stumbling every now and then. he'd gone to the bathroom so you patiently waited outside until he came back, looking slightly pale.

you practically leapt at him, doing a quick scan to make sure he was okay, "jongho? are you alright?"

he smiled at your overwhelming concern, "yeah, i just drank too much as usual. i'll be alright, you can go back to dancing."

"let me just get you some water first. i'll be right back okay?" you patted his shoulder. "don't go anywhere i'll be back in a second."

you made your way back to where jongho had been sitting with yeosang. as you approached, yeosang eyed you up and down, taking in your drunken state, though, it wasn't the first time he'd seen you this way. you nearly tripped as you reached the table, struggling to walk in heels.

"i need a glass of water, do you have a glass of water? jongho needs a glass of water." you mumbled to yourself, reaching for the jug in the center of the table.

"are you okay?" yeosang asked, quickly pushing your hand away from the jug.

"i'm okay, but jongho needs water. can i take this cup? he's waiting for me, i told him not to go anywhere, i need to get back to jongho—" you tried to pick up a glass but yeosang pressed your hand back down once more.

"i'll take it to him, you stay here." he said, filling the cup full with water and heading towards the bathrooms.

your brain suddenly felt fuzzy and your eyes became blurry, it was like the alcohol hit your system all at once. your head spun round and round and you leaned forward, resting your hands on your head. you'd never felt this sick from drinking, maybe you'd had too much too quickly, maybe it was the spinning. there was no way to tell, all you knew was that you felt like you were about to fall from the top of a very high roller coaster.

your eyes felt increasingly heavy, you allowed them to slip shut, head falling to the table with a not so gentle thud.

"y/n?" someone shook you, "y/n wake up!" it was wooyoung.

"shit, is she okay? should we call an ambulance?" jongho said, reaching for his phone.

"is she breathing? has anyone checked?" seonghwa gently lifted your shoulders and sat you upright, relieved to see the rise and fall of your chest. "we should call a taxi and get her home."

"are you crazy? she's unconscious, she won't be able to get up the stairs to her apartment! what if the driver is dodgy? she's already had to deal with shitty men while working night shift, imagine if something happened while she's drunk!" yeosang blurted out. the boys were shocked over his sudden concern for you. yeosang had never once shown any interest or care for you in the presence of them.

"well, what should we do then?" mingi asked, worriedly running a hand through his hair.

"i'll take her, you've all been drinking." yeosang concluded. "she'll be fine, don't worry. enjoy the rest of your night, okay? i've dealt with woo passing out before remember?"

"that's true." san said, throwing a light hearted glare in wooyoung's direction, who showed a rather sheepish expression.

the boys went back to their drinks, taking it a little slower now and yeosang carried you to his car. it wasn't easy, but he managed to sit you upright in the back seat of his car with his rear view mirror aimed directly at you so he could make sure you were okay.

he was able to lift you up the stairs and get your house key from the pocket of your jacket, which would've looked questionable to anyone else, but he had the best intentions. he sat you down in a dining chair, watching as your head lolled forward and your body slumped. he quickly filled a glass of water and came back to you.

"y/n." he whispered, resting a hand on your shoulder. "y/n." he said again, louder this time.

the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, but you weren't waking up and that was becoming concerning. he shook your shoulder, as gently as he possible could in a moment like this, and to his relief, your eyes hesitantly opened.

your head felt like a bowling ball and you groaned quietly. "yeosang?"

"here." he said holding the cup to your lips, allowing you to take a small sip.

"how did we get here?" you mumbled, head rolling to the side.

he caught your head and carefully pushed you back upright, "i drove you, this is your apartment."

"oh." you said, eyes drooping shut again. "oh." you repeated.

"y/n, i really need you to stay awake right now." he said, bringing the cup to your mouth again. "lets talk."

"we never talk!" you exclaimed. "this is the longest conversation we've ever had!"

"i know." he said, pulling up a chair to sit directly in front of you. yeosang felt that slight tug at his heart again tonight, the way you sounded so excited just to talk with him.

"no, no, no." you whined, "this is so bad!"

"what is it?"

you pouted before nervously biting your lip, "i'm really sorry."

"for what?" he questioned, leaning back in his chair.

"for ruining your night and making you stay here with me! now you just have another reason to hate me." you sighed, letting your head fall into your hands.

"i could never hate you." he said, voice barely above a whisper.

but you had fallen back asleep, so yeosang sat you upright once more and monitored you closely all night. with every minute that passed, he wished more and more that it was easier for him to show his emotions, to you especially. he wondered if maybe he wasn't so closed off that things would be different between the two of you. but it was hard for him, to let people in, he was afraid. afraid of people judging the real him, afraid of what might happen if he lets himself become vulnerable, afraid of facing his feelings about you.

you awoke hours later with a raging headache and extreme nausea. you headed straight for the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, feeling the sickest you'd ever felt. yeosang waited patiently outside the bathroom door with a glass of water and painkillers.

when you came out, he held his hand out, "take this."

you looked down at his hand and then up at him, slightly confused, "what are you doing here?"

"you passed out last night, and i drove you home because everyone else had been drinking." he said, passing the glass of water.

"oh my god." you ran a hand through your hair, "yeosang, i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to be any trouble! you must of been here all night, i promise it won't happen again, that was so stupid of me—"

"it's fine, don't worry about it." he said, shrugging, "i'll get going now, but make sure you take it easy and drink enough water." his eyes carefully scanned your body one last time, making sure you were really okay. he headed for the door and you followed.

"i'm really sorry." you frowned, feeling as though no amount of apologies would make it up to him.

he let out a slight chuckle, "it's okay, seriously y/n." he said before leaving. you heard the all too familiar jingle of his keys as the door closed behind him.

he'd stayed with you all night, eyes watching over you closely. ready at your side whenever you stirred in your sleep. he'd been there in the morning prepared with water and painkillers. this was never how it was, usually this was your job, taking care of the boys. it was your way of showing you cared, helping out wherever possible.

this wasn't like yeosang. at all.

————————

as soon as yeosang got home he was greeted by a very concerned san and wooyoung.

"is she okay?"

"are you tired?"

"did she wake up?"

he was bombarded by questions.

"she's okay, she fell asleep after a while and i made her take some painkillers when she woke up." yeosang said, collapsing onto the couch.

"so you really don't hate her then." wooyoung thought aloud.

"he can't, he spent the whole night looking after her!" san said, hitting wooyoung like it was obvious.

"owww," wooyoung rubbed his arm, "even she thinks you don't like her!"

"i know, she said last night. but she probably won't remember saying that." yeosang said, feeling increasingly drowsy from his lack of sleep.

"maybe you guys should like, talk things out?" san suggested, taking a seat next to him.

"maybe." yeosang said, drifting off into sleep.

you had spent the day curled up in bed, wondering how you could make it up to yeosang, and there was nothing more you wanted than to get to know him better, but what would he want? you called up san on that thought.

"hey sannie," you said, "i need your help, actually, is woo there as well?"

"oh my god she's alive!" you heard wooyoung call from beside san.

"what do you need help with?" san asked.

you paused a moment, "is yeosang there?"

"well yes, but he's asleep."

you groaned, "i feel so bad that he stayed up all night looking after me. i really wanna make it up to him but i don't know how. plus, it's not like he's that fond of me. maybe i should just thank him by staying out of his space."

"i don't think he'd like that." wooyoung interjected. "i still think he just needs time before opening up to you."

"i think its just me." you sighed, worriedly chewing on your bottom lip.

"hey! don't be like that! there's no reason to not like you." san scolded you for down talking yourself as he always does.

"agreed." wooyoung said, chiming in.

"i'm sure i'll work something out. thanks guys! enjoy the rest of your day!" you said.

"good luck!"

"bye y/n!"

————————

you had been staring at your phone for at least an hour, typing and retyping the message to yeosang. wooyoung gave you his number so that you could contact him when you'd finally worked out how to make it up to him. in the end, you decided that you would let him decide.

you drew in a sharp breath and squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you pressed send.

you: hey yeosang, i still feel really bad about the other day, i wanna know how i can make it up to you !!

yeosang: did wooyoung give you my number? T~T

you: yes he did.. i hope thats okay !

yeosang: of course yeosang: how about you make it up to me over a cup of coffee? >.<

you: that sounds great !! you: when are you free ?

yeosang: does tomorrow morning work for you ? i can pick you up ^_^

you: of course ! i'll see you tomorrow :)

yeosang sat in his room, facepalming. why was it so easy to be more open over text?

you on the other hand, felt your heart swell in a bizarre way. maybe it was the way you hadn't expected him to use such cute little emoticons. maybe it was the way that you'd be able to have a full conversation with him. whatever it was, excitement had taken over you.

————————

a knock pounded at your door and you rushed to open it.

"ready to go?" he asked, leaning against the door frame coolly.

"yes, lets go!" you said, sounding a little too excited.

the two of you made your way down the stairs and into yeosang's car. you found yourself smiling as you looked out the window.

your excitement hadn't gone unnoticed, "you seem awfully excited."

"i really wanted to make it up to you," you beamed. "it must've been boring to watch over me all night."

"i didn't mind so much." he said, shrugging.

you frowned, "you shouldn't of done it."

"and leave you passed out in the club?" he quirked an eyebrow up at you.

"well..."

"exactly." he said, parking the car outside a small cafe nearby his apartment. "come on, lets go inside."

you followed him in and took a seat across from him at a table close to the window. you both ordered coffees and resumed conversation.

"so, where were we?" you smiled, taking a sip of coffee.

"talking about how you wanted me to leave you passed out in the club." he said. you were almost convinced you saw a teasing smile pulling at his lips.

"right. i'm so sorry about that."

this time he actually chuckled, and you were taken aback. it was like the wall yeosang had surrounding himself was crumbling before your eyes.

"you need to apologise less." he laughed, bringing his coffee cup to his mouth for a sip. "half of the time we talk its just you saying sorry to me."

"i'm so—"

"hey!" the two of you broke into laughter.

his laugh was loud but warm and you couldn't help but notice the way his nose scrunched up cutely, the way his eyes looked full of stars and the way he brushed his hair out of his eyes after, revealing his beautiful birthmark. from that point on, you wanted to be the one to make him laugh every day.

he felt that familiar tug at his heart, the one he'd been feeling every moment he spent alone with you. the one he felt when he first met you. the one he couldn't make any sense of. it was as though his heart was a violin and you were the one playing it. (which would explain the tugging feeling.) but you were playing the sweetest song and he never wanted it to end.

the two of you laughed the morning away, gradually making up for what you'd missed over two years in a matter of two hours.

you'd discovered that even after getting him to open up more, he wasn't one for words. you found yourself talking his ear off while he listened intently, occasionally sharing his opinions and stories. in all his honesty, he didn't mind listening to you talk. he could've sat there all day, drinking countless cups of coffee, watching the way you bit your bottom lip whenever you paused to think or the way your eyes filled with sparkles when you talked about something that made you happy.

you insisted on paying for the infinite cups of coffee, as it was your way of making it up to him. he reluctantly agreed, but promised that he would pay if there ever was a next time, which he secretly hoped there would be. he'd finally had the chance to let his walls down. (it was actually more like you'd climbed the walls and torn them down with your bare hands.) but he was thankful for it.

he drove you back to your apartment, even after you persisted on walking home, seeing as it wasn't that far. he refused, insisting that he drive you. he even followed you up the stairs to the door of your apartment.

you turned around to face him, "you know, you're not so bad when you actually wanna talk to me."

"you know, you're not so bad when you're not drunk." he countered, his lips breaking into a playful grin.

you glared jokingly, "hey! don't make me apologise again."

"okay, okay. i won't." he said, raising his hands in defence.

you smiled, resting against the door, "alright, well, i've really enjoyed hanging out with you today. maybe we should catch up more often."

"maybe we should." he said, bearing a coy smile, "bye, y/n. i'll see you around."

————————

it was only about a week later he showed up at your work, at the end of your shift. you were pleasantly surprised to see him, and at first thought he was just someone coming to book a room.

"hello, are you looking for a r— yeosang?"

"when do you get off work?" he asked, glancing over to the clock.

"five minutes."

"i'll be waiting in the car, okay?" he said, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

on his way out, you saw as he ran into your boss, the two of them beginning conversation.

"it's good to see you've made those security changes." yeosang said as he nodded, extending his arm for a friendly handshake. "i'm very thankful."

your boss shook his hand, "and i'm thankful that you suggested them."

just over five minutes later you got into the passenger seat of yeosang's car.

"it was you who told my boss about the safety problems." you said, in near disbelief.

"hello, to you too." he joked sarcastically. "well, i would hate to think that the situation could happen again, so i just suggested some possible improvements. thats all." he shrugged like it was nothing.

"suddenly, i feel the need to make it up to you again." you smiled shyly.

"you can do that by accompanying me to the skate park." he said, motioning to his skateboard on the back seat.

"ah, so thats why you came."

"well yeah, i wanted to bring you to the skate park."

your heart swelled once again, feeling joyed that he wanted to share one of his favourite places with you. (despite him never telling you directly, you knew he loved the skate park as he spent majority of his high school time there when he wasn't studying.)

when you arrived, the sun was beginning to slip behind the horizon, causing the sky to glow a rosy pink. there were still a few kids, probably high schoolers, hanging around the park. you took a seat at a bench and waited for yeosang to come over, who was getting his skateboard out the car. you felt oddly out of place since you were still in your neat work uniform and didn't know the first thing about skateboarding.

yeosang rolled over with a grin plastered onto his face, you'd never seen him so happy, and it made you happy to see him this way. it was strange how all it took was a few cups of coffee for him to become a completely different person around you.

he didn't need to ask you to watch as your eyes were already glued to him as he dropped into the bowl, showing countless tricks and flips.

the truth was in fact that yeosang was grateful for you 'making it up to him'. he'd never been able to comprehend his feelings for you, if they were even feelings at all. he hated the confusion and decided it was easier to ignore it, and to an extent, ignore you, to make it go away. it had been working for the most part, until every time the two of you were alone together, he couldn't ignore the slight tug at his heart, that was becoming more of a pull over the last few weeks.

"you're amazing!" you cheered as he sat down next to you, out of breath.

"thanks." he smiled shyly, running a hand through his hair and out of his face. he leaned back, looking up at the sky. "do you sometimes wish you could see the stars from within the city? hongjoong and seonghwa are so lucky they can see them from their house."

you pondered a moment, thinking about the last time you actually saw stars in the sky. "i see stars in your eyes sometimes." you said, absent minded.

he felt warmth burning in his cheeks, "you do?"

"do what?" you turned to him, "did i say that out loud?" you gasped, covering your face in embarrassment. "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that it was just a thought and—"

"what did i say about apologising?" he laughed. "it's getting cold, right? you ready to head home?" he asked.

you smiled, "if you are."

he drove you home and said goodbye, feeling happy about spending time alone with you once again. he couldn't stop thinking about what you said and you couldn't stop feeling like a fool for saying it.

————————

the weather got colder and colder and soon it began to snow as the days of december passed. you had spent the day helping jongho move some new furniture into his apartment. it was a difficult job, but easier with the two of you, even san and wooyoung came to help. you couldn't resist wondering where yeosang was and why he didn't come, seeing as they lived in the same building. maybe he was busy, you thought.

"hey, where's yeosang?" you asked, lifting a box and placing it on the kitchen counter.

"at home, i think he's been feeling sick or something, he hardly comes out of his room lately." wooyoung shrugged, assuming it was all good.

"if he's sick i'll bring him over some food and painkillers, maybe keep him some company." you explained, not wanting yeosang to be unwell.

"i think he'd rather be left alone, to be honest." san said, giving wooyoung a side glance that you couldn't miss.

you pulled out your phone and sent yeosang a quick message.

you: are you feeling okay? san and woo said you were sick :((

he didn't respond right away and you just figured he was asleep. but as you finished helping out at jongho's house a few hours later, he still hadn't responded. when you were sitting down to eat dinner at home, he still hadn't respond. just before you were going to turn the lights out and go to bed, he still hadn't responded.

something was up. this wasn't like yeosang, not anymore. not since the two of you had been spending so much time together. maybe it was like the boys said, and he was truly very sick, but in that case, why wouldn't they let you help?

————————

days passed and you went to work as usual, repeating the same few lines, asking people if they want a room, asking them to fill in a form, then directing them to the right room. days passed and you still hadn't heard back from yeosang, you wondered if he was still sick. days passed and you began to think maybe you should go over there to see if he's okay.

but if there was one thing you'd learnt about yeosang recently, it was that he was the quieter type, and probably wouldn't appreciate you going over there to keep him company and would rather be alone. so that evening when you got off work, you didn't go visit him like you so desperately wanted to, instead, you went straight home.

you cooked and ate dinner for yourself, before picking up your phone, only to see still no messages from yeosang.

you: hey woo you: is yeosang feeling better ?

wooyoung: yeah he is

you: well then can i come visit tomorrow ?

wooyoung: i think he's busy wooyoung: sorry

you: its okay woo you: its not your fault !!

you switched your phone off and headed for the shower, trying to wash away the stress and worry for yeosang that had built up over the last few weeks. you had really grown to like him and there was still so much about him you wanted to learn, like when he learned to skateboard or how he got the small scar on the back of his hand, that you'd noticed when ever he brushes his hair out of his eyes.

two years he'd spent, not interested in holding conversation with you and two years you'd spent, wondering what you'd did so wrong. but lately, you felt like you were doing something right around him, getting him to smile and laugh, share his own stories.

you couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he still didn't like you, and had just been trying for wooyoung's sake.

or maybe he was genuinely starting to like you, but you went and fucked it up by weirding him out and telling him about his starry eyes.

or maybe he'd just had enough of you already. decided that a few weeks was enough time spent trying to change things between the two of you.

as you finished showering and changed into comfortable clothes, you glanced at the clock which read 10:56pm. you switched on the television to watch some youtube before going to bed. as you felt yourself dozing off, a faint knock sounded at your door, so quiet you almost missed it.

when you opened the door, you were shocked to see yeosang standing there, leaning against the door frame for support. he looked up at you, his normally starry eyes were dulled with tears.

you rushed forward to him, smelling the alcohol as you got closer, "yeosang are you okay? what are you doing here? i thought you were sick. are you drunk? you never drink, come inside." you gently pulled him inside, closing the door behind you. when you turned to face him, he was staring at you, tears about to spill over the brim of his eyes.

"i hate you." he breathed out, voice barely louder than a whisper. he didn't seem angry though, he looked fragile, like a glass vase balancing on the edge of a table.

you felt the urge to cry, finally hearing those three words that confirmed your biggest concern, yeosang disliking you. "yeosang, i'm so sorry. i never meant to—"

"i hate you." he said, louder this time before running a hand through his hair hastily. he let out a frustrated groan, dragging his hands down his face. "i hate the tugging feeling in my heart whenever we're alone. i hate the way you put yourself before others. i hate the way you ramble on when you're nervous. i hate the way your eyes sparkle when you laugh. i hate the way i don't drink around you because i feel the need to protect you and make sure you're safe. i hate the way i tried to ignore you for two years because i was scared and confused about my own feelings. i hate how it only took one cup of coffee with you for my walls to come crashing down!" he paced from side to side, waving his hands around crazily.

yeosang looked scared and lost, like he'd never felt this way about anyone before, and that was the truth. he didn't know how to comprehend these feelings and it terrified him.

you watched as he spiralled, seeming as though it would never stop. you weren't sure what to do, so you just listened to that swelling feeling in your heart once again, the one that had led you to develop feelings for yeosang, and you pulled him close into your arms. he clung onto you tightly, scared to let go, like if he did then he'd lose you forever. you ran your fingers through his hair briefly, trying your best to comfort him.

"i'm sorry." you repeatedly whispered to him. you'd never meant to upset him or confuse him.

yeosang let out a quiet sob into your chest, "i hate the way i've fallen in love with you." he croaked out.

he didn't hate you. never did. never will. your heart swelled completely in your chest, feeling as though it would burst through. but it couldn't be true. he's totally drunk out of his mind.

"you're not in your right mind, yeosang, you need to get home. you're drunk and talking nonsense." you embraced him tightly one more time, and you could've sworn you felt the beat of his heart through the hug. "come on," you urged, steering him towards the door, "wooyoung and san are probably worried and waiting up for you."

with much effort, you led him down the stairs of your apartment block and walked him home. the street lamps led you in the freezing city night air. you held his wrist lightly, guiding him up the stairs to his own apartment. he didn't speak a single word the whole time, instead, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. it hurt you so much to see him this broken, but you knew he wasn't saying the truth under control of the alcohol in his veins.

you knocked at his apartment door, hoping that one of the boys were still awake. luckily, they both were and quickly they flung the door open.

"y/n? yeosang?" san questioned, his eyes wide open with disbelief.

"we've been so worried about you!" wooyoung said, pulling yeosang away from you. "hang on, are you drunk?"

san had noticed his tired, tear stained eyes, "you look like you've been crying! are you okay?"

you let out a quiet sigh, knowing you didn't need to be here anymore. you gave a small wave goodbye and headed home, utterly exhausted.

and though you were so drained, you couldn't seem to fall asleep. those words yeosang said to you kept running through your mind busily.

did he mean any of it?

————————

yeosang felt bad. he felt terrible. like he wanted to vanish into thin air and float away with the breeze. though he couldn't, no, he desperately wanted to apologise to you. but he didn't know how, he wasn't good with words or expressing his feelings, and you wished he knew that was something you loved about him.

wooyoung and san tried to ask him what happened the night he drunkenly confessed to you, but he couldn't have them know that he'd been harbouring feelings for you for all this time, they'd never let him live it down. he could imagine the continuous teasing they'd give him, nudging him whenever you were together or giving him side glances after talking to you.

yeosang gave it lots of thought. he mulled it over in his head repeatedly. it was only after hours spent hidden away in his room that he decided to go back to where it all started, a text. a text that said how much he wanted to make it up to you for having to deal with him drunk, just like the one you'd sent initially.

yeosang: hey y/n, i feel really bad about the other day, i wanna know how i can make it up to you! T^T

your heart leapt a mile seeing his name appear on your phone. you grinned upon reading his message, realising it was scarily similar to the message you had first sent him.

you: hmmm you: that sounds familiar

yeosang: >.< yeosang: seriously though, how does dinner at my place tomorrow night sound? i'll cook

you: you can cook?

yeosang: there's a lot you don't know about me x_x

you: okay, i'll be there !!

————————

yeosang wasn't lying when he said he can cook. as you traipsed up the stairs of his apartment block you could smell something delicious laced in the air.

the usual swelling in your heart had instead fell to the pit of your stomach, you were feeling slightly nervous as to what would happen when you entered yeosang's apartment. you inhaled deeply before knocking at the door of his apartment.

"hey y/n, come in." yeosang greeted, holding an arm out, signalling for you to come inside.

"you must've been working hard cooking! it smells delicious." you said, feeling a sense of comfort just from the smell of food.

"yeah, lucky i sent wooyoung and san over to jongho's place, otherwise i doubt there would be any pasta to serve." he joked. "you can take a seat, i've just gotta serve up."

you sat down in front of a neatly laid table, it had somewhat surprised you how much effort yeosang had put into this dinner tonight. he placed a steamy hot plate of pasta in front of you and one where he would sit.

"so." he began.

"so." you copied, teasingly.

"i guess, i really just wanted to say i'm sorry for how i behaved the other night when i was drunk. you shouldn't of had to deal with that." he frowned, poking at his dinner.

you furrowed your brows, "it's seriously fine yeosang." you took a bite of pasta, "i was just surprised to see you drunk, since you never drink."

he chuckled, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, "actually, i do. i just never drink when you're there."

"really? why?" you questioned, eating another mouthful of pasta.

"because..." he paused. "no, it sounds dumb out loud."

"it's okay, you don't have to explain yourself." you smiled warmly, "but that does remind me to ask... do you remember anything you said to me while you were drunk?" you leant forward, genuinely curious.

he sighed, "i remember.. enough."

"you don't really hate me, right?" you asked, playing with the food on your plate.

"of course not! that's why i invited you here tonight. to show you that i don't, and to make it up to you." he had to refrain from reaching across to hold your hand, just to show how much he cared that little bit more.

you nodded, "well, thats good. i was kinda worried that we'd gone back to square one."

comfort settled within you. it was relieving to know you weren't hated by the one person whose love you wanted most. a tiny thought crept into your mind, maybe, just maybe, now would be the right time to tell him about your blossoming feelings for him. or would that confuse him more? now you were the one feeling conflicted.

"are you finished eating?" he asked, reaching for your empty plate.

"yes, thank you! it was delicious. you're a good cook, y'know."

"ah, thanks y/n." he turned away to hide the blush appearing on his cheeks.

"would you like me to do the dishes? since you cooked." you offered, standing up. but he quickly opposed.

"don't be ridiculous." he shooed you back to your seat. "can i get you a coffee? water? wine?"

"a coffee sounds good, i think you and i have had too many drunken situations lately." you laughed.

yeosang pulled out two mugs and put the kettle on. he felt your eyes carefully watching him. once again, he hated the feeling that was pulling at his heart. the way you could say nothing, yet he felt everything.

"can i tell you something?" you asked, voice now quieter and more hesitant.

"sure, what is it?" he said, placing a warm cup of coffee in front of you.

you took a sip, humming in delight. it was exactly the way you liked it. when the two of you went out for coffee, he had unintentionally remembered just the way you like it.

"well," you began cautiously, in case you brought this situation into flames again. "i just... i always wondered why you didn't like me. if i was doing something wrong, if i said something once that really upset you. and then after we started spending time together, i finally felt like i was doing the right thing." you groaned, frustrated with yourself for not getting to the point quicker. "what i'm trying to say is that i have feelings for you. it's okay if you don't feel the same way. i wouldn't expect you to, i just thought you should know—"

yeosang basically choked on his coffee, eyes widening in shock. "it's okay, y/n! in case you hadn't noticed, i'm crazy about you."

you had continued to ramble nervously before hearing what he said.

"wait. you are?"

"basically ever since you said that thing about stars in my eyes, yes."

you cringed, remembering how you had said that so absent minded. "yeah, sorry about that."

"it's okay, it was cute. and what did i say about apologising?"

you shook your head and smiled, "i know."

————————

ever since the two of you confessed to each other, you had been almost inseparable, except of course when you had work. but he dropped you home most nights, even though you insisted it was okay and that you could walk. he came over every weekend just to spend time with you, even if the two of you just sat and talked, enjoying each other's company. you'd been dating for a few weeks now, but kept it undercover, not wanting to suffer the incessant questioning that would come if you told your friends.

it didn't go unnoticed either, wooyoung and san were constantly nagging yeosang about why the two of you spent so much time together, and each time he just shrugged it off.

christmas was just around the corner, so you were spending the evening at seonghwa's and hongjoong's house, who of course, were throwing an unnecessarily large house party to celebrate.

you were sat between a very drunk yunho and mingi, who were trying to talk to an also very drunk jongho. you eyed your boyfriend from across the room, as if asking for a way out and he just laughed at the situation you were stuck in.

after at least ten minutes more of having your ear talked off, yeosang came to pull you away to the dance floor.

"care to dance?" he asked, extending his hand to you.

you immediately jumped up, latching onto his hand, "i would love to!"

he chuckled, pulling you close to his side and leading you to the makeshift dance floor that seonghwa and hongjoong created.

the two of you laughed at the boys' reaction. they were completely shocked to see the two of you so close together and yeosang being friendly.

he twirled you around a few times with the music, before settling his arms around your waist. he brought you near to him as you placed your arms behind his neck. you swayed back and forth, engulfed in your own little bubble of comfort in each other's arms, completely out of time with the loud thumping music that blared around you.

you felt content, and yeosang no longer felt confused. he found his home in your arms and his happiness.

you reached up to place your lips on his, capturing the moment surrounding you. yeosang melted into the kiss, discovering that your lips were soft and sweet against his, just as he had imagined, which caused his knees to feel weak and his heart to skip more than just one beat. he never wanted to let you go, he wanted to compensate for every second that he didn't spend with you since the two of you met.

he leaned forward and whispered softly, just so you could hear above all the music and singing, "lets stay like this forever."

[covertblizzard]

Pre-Crisis Vicki Vale

Actually... this is more Jason’s era Vicki Vale, because I haven’t read Dick’s (LITERALLY 40 YEARS LONG) one and don’t know much about that part of it, but I just wanted to compile something on her because I actually quite liked her and she has an interesting relationship with Bruce. This is in two sections - the first part is about her relationship with Bruce which is after all what the comic focuses on, and the second part is a bit of her personality that we see.

Relationship with Bruce Wayne

As is most Bruce’s relationship... it is unfortunately very bad, no good, but overall it is categorised by a few things

He blows her off pretty often, usually with badly explained reasons (if any is given). I know the excuse is Batman, but many people have busy lives dude, at least try to find some reason or something

Scene 1 (mild): Blowing her off to go see the movies with Jason. Honestly, this one isn’t so bad... but he could just say “I’ve promised to take Jason to see the movies” instead and there won’t be a problem?? Honestly, I just don’t understand why all three of them can’t go, it’s like Bruce doesn’t know how to deal with a situation with himself-woman-child at the same time EVER (same problem with Catwoman lol)

Scene 2 (horrible): He literally became Batman while on a date (at the START) and left her hanging in the car. He could AT LEAST go back, make an excuse, or something! This is unbelievably inconsiderate and rude and honestly, it’s a miracle Vicki doesn’t dump his ass right after this.

Lack of communication, specifically, he never calls. (I’m not sure if this is ironically or unironically, but I think Dick takes the same issue with Bruce about not properly informing / communicating)

Scene 1: “The man could have phoned and asked me... instead of just sending an invitation.”

Scene 2: She does consider forgiving Bruce, but doesn’t want to always be the one reaching out. It’s pretty clear she could forgive him “if he were considerate enough to make the call...”, but too bad... “Men.” (She has been the one to make the call multiple times by the way... but Alfred picks up mostly.)

Jealousy on Vicki’s part (partially the result of feeling neglected probably)

When Vicki changes her mind and decides to turn up, she ends up seeing him with another woman (Natalia) and gets jealous and decides to leave.

I suppose some people find it too over the top, but do note that Alfred later sees them and also thinks "no wonder". Bruce himself is clearly flirting and admits attraction to her later as well.

When she, in the end, decides to make the call (that he doesn’t make), she calls to his house which ends up picked up by another woman, Julia (Alfred’s daughter). He has clearly never mentioned to her or explained about it. And doesn’t seem to apologise nor explain himself properly either. 

At the party, she invites him to (as a partner / plus one). He comes with Julia, which is understandable because they DO live together, but he doesn't really bother to clear the air, going with Julia after Vicki walks off. (The three of them have a whole love triangle thing and more that I’m not putting here but you can go here to find it here)

Bruce does actually seems to be interested in her, or at least find her pleasant company

He complains that “As long as the party must go on, why couldn't Vicki have agreed to come?” indicating that he wanted her to come, or at least preferred her company over other people at the party, or this one might just be that he doesn’t want to look like he doesn’t have a partner since he just referred to “can’t keep my girl” (the other evidences a re a bit more convincing haha)

When trying to lure Batman’s attention, Vicki is who Joker decides to kidnap, specifically because “where there’s a Vicki Vale, there is soon a Batman to follow”. (Of course, this could be a non-romantic type thing, like people don’t necessarily think Lois and Superman are dating, or Iris and Flash, but I mean... those are couples... so...)

When Batman eventually rescues her, Vicki actually would rather Bruce come to her rescue, but Batman actually tries to plead his OWN case, saying he “wouldn’t be too hard on Wayne, Ms Vale. He really does care about you...” (He does sort of succeed in pleading his case, but because he doesn’t know how to make phone calls, he ultimately fails in winning her back.)

Even post break-up, Ra's still put her in his “to kidnap as hostage for Batman” list. Maybe his list is outdated, I don’t know, but she does get kidnapped. (These villains are under his instructions here)

There’s also a few times where Vicki is ignoring him and he is entertaining Julia that his thoughts keep floating back to her (once when she is there, and once when she isn’t even there).

(Comment: Their relationship is in society columns, which makes sense, anyone dating bruce wayne would be, but she also lives in a penthouse which i felt like was sort of above an average photographers pay-grade? I don't exactly know her status / fame as a photographer at this point, but it is interesting to imagine them as both socialites around the same circle and that's why Bruce is keen on dating her still, potential marriage material that his parents, although dead, might approve of? Or maybe I’m looking too much into it.)

He’s definitely fallen out of favour

I don’t know if the writers wrote it to be this way, but I felt like he was lying when he said “maybe you and I-- should stop seeing each other”. Either way, he lost his chance.

About Vicki Vale

She definitely has a fear of commitment

In this scene when she’s talking to Bruce, she clearly has a bit of commitment-phobia. She doesn’t seem to explicitly mind children here thoguh, just marriage. (Some unrelated comments: Bruce even if you went with Jason, you still stood her up. And the phrase “what shall we do tonight if we're not getting married" sounds so funny to me because it implies that getting married tonight was within the realm of possibilities)

It’s not just Bruce though, later she dates Bill Modell, who was trying to appeal to her (stupidly) by suggesting family and children, and she’s literally like ewwwww no way and then RUNS AWAY. (Hilarious, men’s assumptions about women wanting families turning out to be wrong will always make me giggle)

I felt like she gave quite a lot of chances that Bruce kept squandering, but honestly this scene just made me feel a certain kind of way :(

She’s pretty smart

She managed to get a tourist to help her deliver an SOS message about where she is (although its actually part of Joker's plan for her to get the message out but still... she is at least definitely not a passive character and Joker knows and uses that)

She is very daring / brave and has her own moral code

The first time it’s shown it’s when Penguin comes to demand she takes a picture of him to portray him in a cooler fashion essentially. He tries to convince her, then tries to intimidate her, even threatens her, but she talks back to him (Batman’s victory is always the final one / we do not fabricate [the news] on the whims of a small man’s vanity) in the face of actual danger to her life.

Later, Catwoman's panther, an extremely dangerous animal that has killed people, is currently on the loose and on some kind of killing spree. When chasing the story, she actually chases it and says "It's going that way". Julia actually asks "and we're too dedicated to this exclusive story to go the other way", but her response without hesitation is "well, aren’t we?" INSANE! (Even the first story where Joker catches her, she went all the way to another country to chase her story, and nearly RESIGNS when they won't let her go because she wants to. I just enjoy reading passionate career woman, okay?)

She’s like super buff

Her reaction to the breakup with Bruce is to go on some crazy workouts, to the point that the villains call her “musclewoman” (see above) so if your Vicki Vale is not ridiculously buff (with a vendetta against Bruce), then what’s the point?

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hello, first of all: thank you for the amazing fics!! If you have time here's an idea for a prompt: Sirius has suffered through rape or a sexual assault in the past and has now, like, problems with doing anything sexual and he's afraid, that James won't want him if he was to find out and tries to meet James's needs. Maybe he panics or something it's up to you. And James is really cute and protective about it.

((A/N: Warning for discussions of sexual assault as discussion of assault by a family member and asexuality from trauma is pretty much all this fic is. If that's a topic that could bother you, you might need to skip this one <3 ))

In Sirius's defense, he'd thought that since he loved James so much, that when the time came, he'd be ready; he'd thought that he'd want it.

But it didn't really work out that way. Instead, he ended up panicking and shoving James away. And then he just stared at him with wide eyes, heart in his throat and feeling like he was going to throw up. Then he ran for the loo and locked himself in because he needed space to breathe, but he didn't want to leave James's flat entirely and couldn't very well hide in James's room-- that would've been worse than staying where he'd been on the couch. If he threw up, at least he was in the right place.

He felt like utter rubbish. It was partially a shock to him, but simultaneously not a surprise at all. Ever since his aunt had assaulted him at a family holiday party, he hadn't even been able to wank, let alone hook up with someone else. But, as he said, he'd thought that since he loved James so bloody much, it wouldn't be a problem. James, for one, was nothing like his aunt. For another, him and James had been dating for months. Kissing James was plenty of fun, but every time it started to lead somewhere, Sirius felt nauseous. After it not getting better with time, he'd guessed that the best thing to do was go ahead, and then he'd like it afterwards. He'd been... very wrong about that. Ridiculously wrong. If the situation wasn't buggering up his head so much, it would be funny how wrong he'd been.

A soft knock came on the door. "Sirius? Are you okay?"

He blew out a breath. How the hell was he going to explain this? James had invited him over, and he'd said yes, knowing full well what James had in mind when he offered-- mostly because James had told him straight out.

"Did I hurt you?" James continued when a long moment of silence passed.

The idea of James hurting him was laughable. Sirius had been totally panicked, but it hadn't been fear of James that caused it. He knew that he should say something, but he couldn't think of what to say. That it was ridiculous for James to be worried? It wouldn't be fair to say that when Sirius was the one who had run out.

"Erm, can you at least tell me if you're alive?"

A laugh startled out of him. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm alive."

"Okay, that's good. I erm, I'm sorry."

"What the hell are you sorry for?"

"Thinking we were on the same page when we weren't. I swear, I would never force you into anything. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. We can wait as long as you need."

And there was the problem. Sirius knew himself well enough to know that if he wasn't ready now, then he never would be. He'd been studiously ignoring that fact in an effort to give James the traditional relationship he surely wanted, and look how that had turned out.

"If you want to leave, I'll understand. We can talk tomorrow. Or in a couple days, if you need space. Really, Sirius, it's whatever you want."

"No, I don't- I mean-" Sirius stopped with a frustrated sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. He didn't remember sitting on the toilet lid, but he got up and unlocked the door and opened it, then leaned against the counter. "I don't think I'm ever going to want sex, is the problem."

James's expression was expectedly kind. Expected, because James was always kind to him. "It's not really a problem, but I wish you would've told me. I didn't mean to pressure you."

"I thought I could get past it, you know? But ever since- well, I've had sex before and liked it, so I thought that since I love you, I'd be able to do it. You weren't pressuring me, and I'm sorry if I led you on." Sirius made a face. "Well, I did lead you on, but it was sort of an accident. I was supposed to be able to follow through."

"No, it's- gods, don't apologise. But you could have mentioned this when I first brought up sex, and then we could've taken things a bit slower. That way, even if the end result would be the same, you wouldn't have felt so trapped. Bugger, that sounds like I'm accusing you, doesn't it? Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

Sirius shook his head before James could continue apologising. "I was worried that you wouldn't want to date me anymore if I told you. Which isn't the best way to start a relationship, I'm aware."

"It's fine." It looked like James was going to say something else, then he paused and hitched a thumb over his shoulder. "D'you want to continue this conversation in the living room?" He quirked a smile. "I promise to keep my hands to myself."

Sirius smiled back weakly. "Sure." If only because this room was a little cold. Plus he felt silly, standing in his boyfriend's toilet after having run away from him.

"So I'm not trying to force a label on you or summat, but are you asexual?"

Sirius squinted at him, doing mental gymnastics to try and figure out what that was supposed to mean. "Isn't that a thing bugs do?" he asked slowly.

James blinked, then grinned. He wasn't mocking Sirius-- to date, he never had-- but he was charmingly amused, like he always was when Sirius didn't know something; James claimed it was because he rarely knew something that Sirius didn't, and that actually seemed likely, considering the sort of person that James was. "That's asexual reproduction, where they don't have to mate to have offspring. I meant asexual as, like, a queer orientation."

"Oh." That made sense, but he also hadn't thought about it before. "I dunno. I just haven't wanted to since..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Sirius looked down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "My father sent me to a therapist after it happened. He said it was pretty common for a family member to be the one responsible in underage cases." He shifted his weight uncomfortably. He'd never told anyone before. "Can I hug you?" he mumbled.

"Yeah, of course," James said, holding his arms open.

Sirius dove right in without a second thought. "Thanks," he said automatically.

"Anytime." James rubbed his hand in a soothing circular motion against the middle of Sirius's back. It helped keep his heart from feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest.

He'd never told anyone before because he'd never had to. James was his first boyfriend since then, so it's not as if anyone else he went on dates with had warranted the conversation. Plus, his only friend at the time had been Lily. No one in the family had had to be told, obviously, and Regulus had filled Lily in so that Sirius wouldn't have to; she had never brought it up, except to ask if he was feeling okay every once in a while. "I'm sorry," Sirius muttered. "I thought that I'd be past it by now."

"I hope I'm not overstepping," James said softly, "but have you considered that it's not something you're going to get over? Sometimes things change you. Permanently. Nothing wrong with that."

Unbidden, tears sprung up in his eyes. No one had told him that it was okay for him to be different. Neither Lily nor Regulus had really known what to say to make him feel better. Father had just about killed his sister. Mother liked to pretend that it hadn't happened. The therapist had done his best, but Sirius hadn't really wanted to work with him. He'd gotten Sirius to be comfortable enough going back to school every day, and then Sirius had told his parents that he was better. It was only now, years later, that James told him he was fine for being different than before; Sirius had always wanted to get back to normal.

Sirius sniffled a little, trying to make sure he didn't get any snot on James's shirt. "Thanks. I just- I wanted to be perfect for you."

"Would I sound horribly corny if I said you're already perfect?"

Sirius laughed, wiping at his eyes. "A bit."

"Well. It's the truth."

He laughed again, giving James a grateful squeeze before letting go.

"You want to watch a movie? Or would you rather go home?" James asked.

"A movie sounds good, if you don't mind." In fact, a movie sounded great. There was nothing Sirius wanted more than to cuddle up with James and eat chocolates for the rest of the night.

James smiled at him, like he was delighted that this was the turn their evening had taken. There wasn't a trace of disappointment to be found in his expression, even though Sirius thought it might be warranted. James looked at him like he was always happy to see him, no matter the circumstances. It was hard to believe that Sirius had been so worried about how he'd react.

He was still feeling the lingering effects of his earlier panic, but now he was left feeling the way he always did after he overreacted. In his defense, this was less of an overreaction and more of a miscalculation. He'd assumed that it would always be something he could get past, and what better time to make a recovery than when he was in a loving, wonderful relationship? But he'd been wrong about 'getting back to normal', and he'd definitely been wrong about trying to force his way past it.

[orwocolor]

Love Thy Neighbour - Chapter Seven

Pairing: Gwilym Lee x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cursing

Summary: Gwilym shows up in your bookstore to apologise but there still might be more obstacles on your way to happiness.

Author’s Note: And another sprinkle of angst so that chapter six doesn’t feel so lonely. Only one more chapter and an epilogue remain, so keep an eye out for those! Comments and reblogs are always very appreciated :) Check my masterlist to read the previous chapters. Dedicated to my sweetie @justgwilym​.

Dragging your feet, you crash on your sofa, a floral pattern of one of the walls spinning around you. You squeeze your eyes shut, but as you lose the point of focus, you sense a rise of, so far, the most powerful wave of nausea. You fight the feeling and instead fix your gaze on one of the paintings decorating the living room.

Breathe in.

And breathe out.

You should not have drunk that much. But Jane and Charlotte were unstoppable and admittedly, you needed it. After a couple of drinks, you actually started having fun. Daniel turned out to be a very pleasant companion with a taste for slightly dry humour that, partially due to your inebriated state, made you burst in laughter multiple times during the party.

Oh god, you are going to hate yourself so much tomorrow.

Once it seems the whole world will not tilt again and toss you on your side, you brave a few steps into the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water. Gulping it down, you can already feel its beneficial effects, which are further enhanced when you press the cold glass against your forehead. You serve yourself another drink and with each sip, you begin to trust your legs again.

You release a content sigh as a soft breeze and smell of rain touch your cheeks when you open the windows; it truly does a world of good. Grabbing yourself two slices of toast bread, you settle onto the sofa, open your laptop and click on a random video for you to watch while you wait to get better before you go to bed. If you lay down right now, you’re sure you would throw up.

With an occasional chuckle leaving your lips as you listen rather than watch a stand-up show, you almost miss a soft, hesitant knock on your door. Almost. Your fingers hover above the keyboard as you contemplate pausing the video. If you press the space key right now, there will be no doubt you’ve heard the knocking.

Slowly retracting your hand back to your side, you let the comedian continue in her sketch and you just wait. It probably takes only a minute, but for you, it’s an eternity before you can hear Gwil shut the door to his flat behind him.

You release a breath you have not realised you were holding and hide your face in your palms.

You are not in a state to face him right now. You need some time. And most importantly, you need to put some space between you, otherwise you’re going to care way too much, and you are not in the position of allowing yourself feelings of that sort.

~

“I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be back in a minute, just let me attend to this young lady,” you throw behind your shoulder as you rush to the cash desk and leave a customer in the historical section.

“Maybe I can be of service,” Mr Dean appears next to the customer’s shoulder, who jumps a bit, not expecting someone else, and you send a grateful glance to your friend. You knew you could count on him. Whenever he’s in a good mood, he loves to entertain people in the bookshop and no matter the topic or genre they’re looking for, he turns into an expert, gladly offering recommendations.

You hide a smile when you notice Mr Dean’s eyes sparkling as the man mentions the French revolution and he starts guiding him to the needed section.

“Here you go,” you hand the young woman her bag and say your goodbyes, a shrilling sound of chimes hanging at the entrance door announcing her departure.

While you bend down and disappear behind the till to throw away the receipt the woman didn’t want, the chimes sound again, and you emerge from behind the cash desk.

No.

He’s there, right in front of you, the surprise written in his face matching yours.

“Hello,” Gwil says softly and for a split of a second, you forget to breathe.

You’ve managed to avoid him the whole weekend by some miracle, although, admittedly, on one occasion, when you were forced out of your flat to do grocery shopping, you spotted him at the entrance door when you made a turn to your street. At that moment, you remembered you wanted to check something on your phone, and after fiddling with it long enough for Gwil to get home, you plucked up the courage to do the same.

You assured yourself you just needed some time and space and by the time you would meet him, you would have known what to tell him.

Well, your past self can go screw herself because here you are with your tongue tied.

“Hi, Y/N!” Ben is on Gwil’s tail and greets you cheerfully, his hand raised in a wave.

“Hi,” you manage to blurt out, quite happy with yourself for not butchering the single syllable. It’s all about little victories, right?

“So, uh, I’ll go check some books I guess,” Ben breaks the silence when neither you nor Gwil seems to do so, and scurries farther into the store.

“I am so, so sorry, Y/N,” Gwil eventually breathes out and raises his lowered eyes. “I wish I could have a good reason for not showing up the other day and for copping out on you like that, but I just don’t. I…”

He looks around and bites his lips, looking for a way of how to finish his sentence in books-filled shelves.

You wait patiently because you have the feeling that there is something he needs to say, and it would be ill-advised to interrupt his thoughts.

“Okay, I’m probably already not in your good books, so why not make even a bigger twat of myself, eh.”

“Ha, in the good books. Get it? You’re in a bookshop,” you chuckle, your voice not as strong as you would like it to be.

“Yeah,” he replies, and the corners of his lips rise up slightly. Soon, his voice turns serious again. “Well, I went to that stupid audition and I just fucked it up. Yeah, there’s no better word for that. I fucked it up, big time. I tried to persuade them to give me another chance, I said I would do anything, and the production assistant surprised me. She promised me another audition if I went for a drink with her afterwards, and I… didn’t refuse.” He takes a deep, shaky breath, presumably the first one since he started explaining what had happened. “I wasn’t thinking, and when I realised I was supposed to be with you, it was too late.”

“You could have called me,” you say slowly, daring to meet his gaze.

“My phone was dead. I was fiddling with it so much while I was waiting for the audition. Was driving Ben absolutely crazy.”

“Can confirm!” Ben’s head peeps out from behind a shelf and quickly hides again when he spots both your and Gwil’s not so amused expressions.

“Still,” you start and shake away the trembling feeling that is creeping to your voice, “You could have come by later and explain all of that to me that night.”

By some miracle, it’s as if he senses the direction of your thoughts, and rushes to set the record straight, offering the absolution you haven’t, until now, realised you desperately craved.

“The moment it dawned on me what a jerk I was, I said my goodbyes and left. But it was too late, and I felt like such a prick, so I actually dropped in another pub and drank some more. Was so shit-faced I stayed at my brother’s ‘cause he lives in that area.”

A great weight is lifted from your shoulders and you can finally take a deep and long breath. You feel a smile tugging at the corners of your lips but Gwilym does not see it; he is avoiding your eyes, as mortification keeps surrounding his whole person.

“I am so, so sorry,” he repeats once again and the moment the words leave his lips, you forgive him.

Actually, you already have.

You are just about to tell him so when he finally finds the courage to look into your eyes as he reaches out and gently grasps your hands that have been resting on the counter.

“Please, can you forgive me?”

His thumbs are lightly stroking your skin and you cannot tear away your gaze from his beautiful blue eyes.

“Sir, I must ask you to leave right now!”

Wait, what?

It takes you a moment to become aware of where you are and what is happening. The bookshop, right. And as for what is going on…

“Sir, I won’t repeat myself, leave this building immediately!” Peter’s voice reaches such volume that every customer stops in their tracks, their curiosity taking the better of themselves.  

“I was only showing this young lad the historic section. I don’t reckon it’s a crime,” Mr Dean responds in his defence, which only infuriates Peter some more.

“You’re always just helping other customers, or browsing, or, God forbid, reading our books without paying a single penny for them. I want you gone. This is not a library!”

“Peter,” you say weakly, not capable of wrapping your head around it. He isn’t supposed to be here, otherwise you would have warned Mr Dean beforehand.

“Is that the Mr Dean you told me about?” Gwil whispers and it is only then when you notice your hands are still placed in his and his face is much closer to yours than you remember.

“Yes, I’m–” you start but Gwilym won’t let you finish the sentence.

“Trust me, darling. I’ll stop by at your place at around seven, okay?” he hastily says and places a soft kiss to your cheek before leaving you at the till dumbfounded.

“Grandpa!” he greets joyfully and rushes to Mr Dean to give him a proper hug. “Have you found the book you told me about?”

Mr Dean shoots a glance your way before he replies. “Ah, I… Yes. Yes, yes, I did, give me a second.” You’re taken aback by his quick reaction because you have not moved from your spot, your jaw down, and you are pretty sure your arms are still stretched in front of you although Gwilym’s warm palms are no longer holding them. You fix your posture in an instant and clear your throat, at least trying to give the impression of having everything under control.

Although you are not particularly proud of yourself, you’re still doing better than Peter. He is just standing there, opening his mouth like fish as no words are leaving his lips.

Gwilym pretends he has only just noticed him and raises his eyebrows in make-believe innocence. “Is there any problem here?”

It takes a couple of moments before Peter gathers his bearings.

“I’m sorry, but this is your grandfather?” he finally finds his voice and points an accusatory finger at your dear friend.

“Yeah! He’s been wearing my ear off about this wonderful book he discovered here, so I’m here to get it for him. For his birthday, you know? Which is coming soon, isn’t that right, grandpa?”

“In a couple of days, actually,” Mr Dean confirms and nods his head seriously as if contemplating the fleetingness of time and existence.

“Urgh, I’m the worst grandson ever, really, looking for gifts this late, I should be ashamed of myself.” You are fascinated by Gwil’s acting; he doesn’t miss a beat and comes up with lies so quickly, all you can do is stare in astonishment. It’s not like anyone needs you right now because all customers are watching the scene unfold.

“Ah, got it!” The victorious announcement of Mr Dean makes Gwil turn on his heel and leave Peter behind.

“Wow, that’s really pretty! You weren’t lying about the photographs.” Gwil expertly inspects the pictures of various relics and nods, approvement and appreciation readable from his pursed lips. “Excellent! We’ll take it.” He closes the book in one swift motion and heads to your cash desk.

By this time, you have composed yourself enough to remember all the common niceties, and you are quite proud of your performance as you easily scan the book that you’ve seen cradled in Mr Dean’s palms many afternoons and punch the price into the card reader so that Gwil can pay.

“Would you like it gift-wrapped?” you do not forget to ask and when your gaze meets Gwil, your heart starts beating so fast you almost can’t hear the answer.

“Oh yes, please, that is if we’re not bothering you.” Gwil’s smile lights up his whole face.

“No bother at all,” the corners of your lips rise in a matching smile and you procced to neatly wrap the book in a piece of brown paper, taking extra care to tie a dark blue ribbon around the package.

“Thank you so much, have a lovely day!” Gwilym places the book under his arm and leaves the shop, Mr Dean on his tail offers a wave and a wink that, hopefully, Peter cannot see.

Through the display window, you almost miss Gwil turning around and mouthing ‘see you tonight’ before he and Mr Dean disappear behind the corner. You almost burst into laughter when Ben suddenly emerges from behind the bookshelves and dashes after them.

You have got the feeling that Peter is mumbling something, but all you can think about is your lovely neighbour and the kiss he ever so gently placed on your cheek.

You resist the temptation to touch your face, wondering whether the imprint of Gwil’s lips can be found there, or whether the gesture is forever inscribed into your mind only.

But then, you finally register Peter’s words...

“I can’t believe it! And of all days he’s got to pick today and embarrass me in front of the buyers. God damn it!”

… and your smile freezes.

~

Buyers.

The sequence of syllables still sounds foreign and dangerous to your ears.

Buyers.

No matter how many times it rolls off your tongue, the word remains the same.

So that’s it. Peter’s made up his mind and he is going to sell the bookshop. And that leaves so many questions unanswered. The new owners, are they going to keep the staff, or do they plan to hire a new bunch of people? Is there even some certainty that they will not rebrand and establish a branch of a fast-food chain? It’s not like the city is flooded with them, right.

You feel the dizziness creeping up your neck as those thoughts swirl in your head, not permitting you a moment of peace. You almost crash into a passer-by, but thankfully you manage to keep yourself upright and the take-out bag with your late lunch intact in your hold.

Once you finally arrive home, you heat up the food you have brought with you and open your favourite book in a desperate attempt to diverge the direction of your thoughts.

You are torn between biting your nails from the uncertainty of your future career and halting in the story and daydreaming about Gwilym’s visit tonight. And with that mindset, you go about your day while you clean up, water plants, and dust your flat; you have been putting it off for ages.

Emerged in thoughts, you almost mishear the buzzing sound of the bell. You are wearing baggy trousers and an old t-shirt with stains God-knows from what. You have reckoned you’ve still got time to change before Gwil’s visit. Oh well, he has seen you at your worse.

However, your brows furrow as you step into the hall and catch a glimpse of the digital clock.

5.40 p.m.

Swinging the door open, you are met with no one. Another sound of the bell and the line on your forehead deepens.

“Hello,” you mutter when you press the intercom, and the static comes through.

“Y/N! Hi! Ready to go out and grab coffee with me?”

It takes a moment before the dots connect.

“Oh, Daniel, hi! I… erm… can you give me ten minutes?”

“Sure thing!”

The dash across your flat, from the door to the dresser, then to the bathroom and back to the hall could be considered a match to any Olympian’s winning sprint race, but it is too early after your accident and your ankle makes itself known. You grit your teeth and grab a purse, leaving your flat and hoping no appliances have stayed turned on.

How could you have forgotten?! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Hi!” you greet breathlessly when you fly from the entrance door, and Daniel gives you a lopsided smile.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” No matter how hard you try not to give anything away, the blush on your cheeks betrays you. “Oh my God, you did!” Barking out a laugh, he lets you take a couple of deep breaths before you start walking down the street. “Maybe it should be you who’s gonna buy the coffee today.”

“Gladly,” you smile and spot a cosy café. For a split second, you consider taking him to Hazel’s, but then you imagine the soft hues of brown and gold against black and white background of your most beloved café. Your mind goes straight to the day you bumped into Gwil and Ben in there and you do not wish to stain that memory. Besides, this café is right behind the corner of your block of flats, which means you shouldn’t get stuck at some far-off place. “Actually, I owe you ‘cos I’ve got some plans at seven and I need to get home by then.”

“Oh, okay,” he replies hesitantly, and you bite your lips, feeling like an arse. Well, you can make it up for him by paying for the coffee, right?

~

You are trying. You are really, truly trying. Daniel is nice. Funny, smart, and knows all the iconic movie lines off pat, however, the moment you look into his eyes, you feel nothing, there is no bated breath, no heart beating fast. Nothing. And honestly, it seems you are not making a particularly good impression either. He takes notice of your constant checking the time on your phone, and when you catch yourself doing it for an umpteenth time, you roll your eyes at yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you mutter after a moment of silence, which you wish were a companionable one, but you are too fidgety.

“It’s fine, I get it,” Dan offers a sheepish smile, which you return. “Let’s get you back home, okay?”

The wind is chilling and light drizzle lands on your hair. As you walk down the street, you notice that Daniel is trying to gently hold your hand. It starts with your fingers brushing and you would dismiss it as an accidental touch but when his fingertips graze the back of your palm, you sense the intention in the gesture. You bring your hand up, brushing off a damp strand of hair and scratching the back of your neck so as not to give him another opportunity for touch.

Hoping this debacle is behind you now, you say your goodbyes and grab the door handle to your building. Oh, how foolish!

“I know you’re lost in thought today but it was a nice date and honestly, I’m not ready for it to end.” He gives you a smile and his eyes sparkle when you stop in your tracks and turn your head to face him.

His gaze drops down to your lips and you are (literally) taken aback by the movement to such extent that your body shoots away. In the process, you press your back to the doorbell panel and jump a bit, not expecting that kind of contact.

“Careful.” Daniel’s fingers find your waist to keep you upright. “I realise I might not be the man of your dreams, but I hope we can go for dinner next time.”

“I…” you start, unable to find the words that would not hurt him.

“No, don’t say anything,” he whispers, and it is only then when you realise his face has inched closer to yours. And then he presses his lips to yours, and you freeze at the spot.

Your eyelids do not tremble with emotion, neither do you melt into his touch. You just stand there, barely moving your lips and thinking that this guy just cannot take a hint. You might have been waving the ‘I am not interested’ flag right in front of his face and he still would be none the wiser.

When he finally lets go, your gaze is still fixed forward and you suck in your lips in a subconscious effort to prevent him from another attempt of a kiss. However, you catch a flicker of light in the corner of your eyes and without giving it a second thought you twist your neck, and your gaze falls into the entrance hall. The windowpane which reflected two figures kissing a moment ago turns transparent and reveals a figure standing inside.

He’s there, at the top of the staircase, taking you by surprise for a second time this day.

But this time, his eyes are hurt behind his glasses, a deep line is forming on his forehead, and it seems as if he’s rooted to the cold stone floor. Your heart is breaking at the sight of him and you know you must do anything within your power to atone for this moment because you never ever want to see such pain written in his face.

“Gwil,” you breathe out softly and bend down to escape Daniel’s embrace. Pushing the main door, you rush to your neighbour, your friend, your… “Gwil, this means nothing, I’m not –”

“My doorbell rang, and I was foolish enough to think you couldn’t wait until seven. I…” He is avoiding your gaze, his eyes roving round the hall. He brings his hands to his sides, but quickly finds out there are no pockets in his soft camel pleated trousers and so he clasps them together. When he bites his trembling lips, it is almost unbearable to keep your eyes on him, but you cannot look away either.

Then, his features harden, and it is probably worse than before as your stomach tightens.

“Goodbye.”

You almost miss the sound, his voice barely above a whisper. Tears threaten to fall down your cheeks, but Gwilym is already gone, his moccasins tapping against the cold tiles of the stairs. You fight the urge to wrap your arms around yourself and have a breakdown right here and now. All you do is simply turn around, every movement calculated so as not to make an unnecessary one. Daniel is still standing at the entrance, his eyebrows raised in the piqued curiosity of what has just occurred.

“I can’t go for another date with you. I’m sorry.”

But you don’t feel sorry at all, well, not sorry for him at least. Your thoughts have turned into a tangled ball of turmoil and indescribable emotions, which are hard to make sense of.

When you reach your floor, you stop in your tracks to your flat. You have thought you lost all the courage, but you muster some from deep inside and cross the hall to knock on his door with determination.

God knows how long you are standing there, you knock again, and again.

Nothing.

Not even a sign of hope.

Your heart skips a beat when you finally hear the creak of a door being open, but a lump forms in your throat instead when it dawns on you that it is not Gwil’s door but Mrs Thompson’s.

“Hello Mrs Thompson,” you greet meekly the slightly open door of the 3A flat and drag your feet to your home.

You do not bother taking off your shoes or clothes. Crushing straight into your bed, you finally give yourself the permission to let your emotions flow and cry yourself to sleep.

~

Taglist: @lv7867​, @spacedustmazzello​, @queenwouldyourathers​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @supernaturalee​, @queenlover05​, @geek-and-proud​, @chlobo6​, @mrsmazzello​, @timeandpixiedust​, @kerouacsroad​, @gwilsmainhoe​​

[adrenaline-roulette]

Four Eighths

Pairing: Four x Eight (Reader) Word Count: 5.5K+ Warnings: Language *Disclaimer, Hi everybody. I first of all would like to apologise to those who have been waiting for months for a new chapter, this chapter has been partially written since September, however in that time, my aunt passed away. It has hit me very hard, and during this time, I needed to take a step away from writing, to be with my family, and also to take time to look after myself and my mental health.  I’m doing better now, and with that means I am slowly updating my works which have been neglected as of late. So for those who are returning viewers of this series, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming back and waiting with me. And for those new to this series, welcome and I hope you stay with us. Much love to you all!

Chapters One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, and Nine can be found here! (That’s right baby, we’ve officially reached double digits for chapters!)

Chapter Ten: Darkest paradise I’ve ever seen

Flying into Noumea, your headphones pressed snuggly against your ears, you watch as miles upon miles of crystal blue ocean spans ahead of you. From just about every direction you look through the small aeroplane window, all you can see is blue. That is aside from the tiny speck on the horizon, which you can only assume is in fact, your destination. It seems awfully far away, and a part of you has managed to convince the less logical section of your brain, that you still have plenty of time before you arrive. Before the plan takes motion. Before shit goes down. Or you have months to continue planning your take down of the Lushnick’s…. But as you gaze out the window once more, the tiny speck growing ever larger, your rational mind takes over, reminding you that in less than two weeks, provided everything went according to plan, the Lushnick’s would be yours.

As the plane touches down at La Tontouta international airport, you await the captain’s departure announcement before standing up and stretching your cramping legs, feeling your joints pop, and muscles ache from having spent too long in one position. Once the initial rush of passengers have passed you, you reach up into the overhead compartments and retrieve the navy blue rucksack you had stowed up there. With the bag flung over your shoulder, you disembark the plane, and head towards the baggage carousel within the terminal. Within your rucksack, along with a few emergency items on the off chance your bags were lost, included five various ID cards, all hand made for you by One’s slightly shady yet reliable connection; a wad of Pacific Franc, the currency of New Caledonia, and of course your laptop. One had assured you that the apartment you would be using as a base had all the setup you required, however you felt more confident with your own computer, even just as a backup for an emergency. As you cross the tarmac, you recall the burner phone One had given you upon your departure, the only contacts held within were those of the Ghost’s, though knowing that you still have the ability to communicate with  your team before their arrival helped alleviate some of your nerves. Switching the phone off flight mode, you held it firmly in your sweaty palm, half expecting it to buzz to life with missed notifications, as it would if it were your true phone. The influx of notifications never come, there is however one which does buzz through. ‘Are you safe?’

You scan over the message again and again, reading just about every possible subtext into it within a matter of seconds, before finally, you take a deep breath in, hold it for ten seconds, then release. ‘It’s Four, don’t be so dramatic. He actually cares about you.’ You remind yourself, just as your thumbs tap against the phone keyboard. ‘Just landed. Collecting bags then heading to the apartment. Should be there within the hour.’ You reply, pocketing the phone again and keeping your eyes peeled for you luggage.

The phone vibrates again, but this time you ignore it, opting instead to find the Taxi rank now that you had procured your bags. On you way through the airport, you discard you boarding pass into a trashcan, saying a mental goodbye to the alias of Ginevra Connelly. Of course you still kept the ID card with Ginevra’s details in your bag just in case, but the aim was to only use each alias once. One for flying, one for working, and one for personal business. The others were just there if any unexpected events should arise. Once outside, you only need wait a few minutes before a taxi pulls up, the driver popping the trunk of the car for you to deposit your bags. Once the trunk is closed, you slide into the back seat, sitting directly behind the driver. “Bonjour.” The driver offers with a small smile, meeting your eyes in the rear-view mirror.

You smile gently back. “Bonjour.” You greet, before reciting off the address to the apartment in Noumea which One had insisted you memorise.

With a nod of his head, the taxi driver speeds off, either ignoring or simply disregarding all speed signs which he passed. As he drove like a bat out of hell, you check your phone once more. ‘That’s good. Glad you’re alright.’ Four had replied, earning a small smile to creep over your lips.

‘Well, the flight didn’t kill me. Can’t say the same about my driver though….’

‘Axe murderer?’

‘Nothing quite as exciting. Or at least, I didn’t notice an axe when I checked the trunk…. Just a crazy driver is all. You’ll see when you get here. It looks to be a trend.’

‘Can’t wait!’ Before a rapid second response of. ‘Stay out of trouble until I get there please?’

‘I promise.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Love yo-‘ You begin typing, before frantically deleting the characters. As much as you wanted to send the message, you just couldn’t quite bring yourself to do it. Something about sending those words, via a burner phone while you’re in a totally different country, just felt wrong. Perhaps that was the nerves of the mission talking? No matter, you would saver the phrase for when you saw Four in person.

You put your phone away after that, not trusting yourself to continue the conversation with the direction it was headed. You knew Four was still, not necessarily mad at you, but disappointed that you hadn’t told him of your early departure. You were also acutely aware of his fear for you being in a foreign country all alone. You were positive that if it hadn’t been for the sudden announcement of your leaving, then he would have tried much harder to convince you and One to let him arrive with you. Of course, deep down you knew that despite Four’s protective nature, he understood why he was unable to arrive with you, or with the others. But it didn’t stop him from disliking the plan any less.

The driver watches as you put your phone away and takes this time to engage you in the typical taxi, passenger chit chat. “Parlez-vous français?” He enquires, and it takes you a moment to comprehend what he had asked. You had a slight knowledge of the French language, but it was very, very basic.

“No sorry, I don’t speak French.” You offer with a half smile, shrugging lightly as you turn your attention to the scenery blurring past you.

“Ah, a tourist then. Here for a vacation, are you? He continues, drumming his fingers along the steering wheel as he changes lanes in what would be considered a highly illegal maneuver literally anywhere else in the World.

Deciding that if you looked out the window any longer you may become motion sick, you turn your focus to staring directly at the back of the drivers head. “Mhm, I’ve always wanted to visit, go snorkelling, maybe go for a ride on one of those glass bottom boats? Who knows!” You ramble on, though nothing you say is quite a lie. In truth, you had always wanted to visit Noumea, and were supposed to when you were thirteen. You were supposed to go on a cruise to the South Pacific Islands as a birthday present, however that never quite happened. You suppose in the long run, it’s a good thing you never came here as a child, if you had, then this mission may not be going ahead. Or at least not with you at the helm.

“My cousin owns a glass bottom boat, he runs tours every day. Here, take this card, it has his details.” He pulls a crinkled business card out of his shirt pocket, and passes it back to you. You take it graciously, taking a moment to read over it before stowing it away in your bag.

“Thank you.”

As you drive through the city, the driver points out the occasional tourist attraction, to which you nod and play along with the façade you had created. Most things he says go in one ear then out the other, but there is one which catches your attention. “Over the is the hospital. Might be good to know where that is just in case.” He offers with a grin, gesturing to the large building on your left.

Your head whips around to face that direction in an instant, eyes growing wide as you drink in the sight. “That’s the hospital…” You whisper, mouth going dry as you watch the building disappear into the distance behind you.

The rest of the drive is kept in relative silence, mostly on your part. Having finally seen your destination for this mission, it all suddenly felt so real. Inside that building, which should be used for good, were two of the most vile and wicked people you know to exist. They had nearly two weeks left before they met they’re match however, and that thought alone set a chilling grin on your lips.

*****

Once you arrived at the apartment you were faced with a serious problem, a lack of keys to the front door. Surely One should’ve thought of this, he owned the fucking place! “Well that’s just great. Now what?” You hiss to yourself, glaring daggers at the wooden door that currently separated you from your new, temporary home and work space.

Reaching behind, you fish around in your bag in search of your phone. Muttering swears beneath your breath, until finally your fingers clasp onto the cool, smooth device. Scowling at the screen as you scroll through the limited contacts, you press call against One. Standing with your back leaning against the front door, one arm folded across your chest, and your left foot tapping the ground impatiently.

“Don’t tell me you’re already in trouble.” One grumbles after the sixth ring. His words causing your sour mood to only worsen.

“No I am not.” You hiss, lowering your voice to a whisper as you hear voices out on the street.

“What do you need Eight?”

“I want to know how I’m supposed to get into the bloody apartment! There’s not fucking keys!”

There’s a pause on the line for a minute or two, and for the first time ever, you realise that you’ve rendered One, the fearless leader, utterly speechless. “The keys are on the table.” His voice is mumbled, and you barely catch what he says.

“I’m sorry, what was that now?”

One groans, and you can almost picture his frustrated face, perhaps he would even be pinching the bridge of his nose… “I said, the keys are on the table, inside the apartment.”

He sounds disappointed in himself, and rightly so. “Well, that’s helpful isn’t it?”

“Don’t get sassy with me missy.”

“Why not? This is your house isn’t it? Shouldn’t you have a set of keys with you?”

“It’s one of my houses..”

“That doesn’t make this any better.”

“Did you bring your lock pick?”

“Of course I did. The question is, which bag is it in….” You mumble, gazing around at the bags you had discarded by the door.

“I think you know what to do. Good luck kid.” There’s a grin to One’s voice now, and you have half a mind to tell him off for his stupidity, however before you get the chance, the line goes dead.

With a deep sigh, you resign yourself to do the only thing you can, break in. Well technically it wasn’t breaking in, not when you were supposed to be living here, though you imagine that logic may not stand up in court if someone were to catch you in the act.

Withing ten minutes, all of your bags lay open on the ground, items of clothing strewn about the place, as you had frantically searched the brown leather pouch which housed your lockpick tools. Upon finding it, you groan at the mess you had made, stuffing everything back in the bags haphazardly, you would deal with the unorganised mess later.

Gazing around, you double then triple check that there is no one around to see you. The voices on the street had long since faded away, leaving only the sounds of birds chirping, and the distant crash of waves.  Confident you’re alone, you bow over the door handle, and begin picking the lock. It occurs to you that perhaps this was One’s plan all along. After all, he was the one to provide you with said lock picking kit. You brush that thought off, and return to the task at hand, fiddling with the handle for roughly fifteen minutes until finally you hear a click. “Eureka!” You declare quietly yet triumphantly. The door swings open, and dusty air breezes out past you, causing you to cough and sneeze. Blimey, this place must’ve been closed up for months!

Inside the apartment, you don’t take too long looking around, you’ll have time for that later. You take note of where the master bedroom is, and claim that as yours by dumping your bags atop the bed, and seek out the bathroom. With everything in order as far as you could see, you take your laptop and bring it out into the main living area where what you can only assume is your area has been set up. There are three monitors set up on a large oak desk, which looked wildly out of place in the otherwise, holiday home themed house. The largest sitting in the middle of the desk, with two smaller screens on either side. It’s not a perfect set up, but it will work for what you need, and that’s all that really matters, especially considering most of your work would be done from inside the hospital.

Settling down at the makeshift study desk, you take a final moment to glance around the apartment, spotting a set of what you presume is house keys sitting on the dining table. “Well, at least One was right about where you were.” You mutter quietly, glaring at the object in question.

*****  

Infiltrating the hospital database took far longer than you had initially expected. Over the past few weeks, you had made practice runs of worming your way into other systems for different hospitals around the world, however at no point had you thought to test your access to the hospital you actually needed entrance to. “It can’t be any different to any of the others.” You surmise, squinting at the screen before you, elbows propped up on the desk, and chin resting on your interlocked fingers. Truth be told it wasn’t that much different, not in the scheme of things, however someone, and goodness knows who, had made the entire system nearly impenetrable! Key word being nearly. However, if there was one thing you had learned after years of sneaking your way into systems you shouldn’t, it was that no matter how tricky a program may first appear, there is always a way in! And this system was no different.

One pizza delivery and three energy drinks later, the start of a migraine -which was either caused by your frustration, or the copious amounts of caffeine- and you were finally in! The hospital was, in every sense of the word, yours. The possibilities, oh the possibilities! Your first task only took a few moments, scanning through encrypted lists until you came across the one which housed the contact details for all members of staff. The list consisted of the staff members name, followed by their position of work, contact number and email, and finally a next of kin. Truly, this list looked to have been composed specifically for you and your needs. Copying the details you required for a one Mister Frank Sea, and pasting them momentarily into a word document, you move onto your second task. Page upon page you read through, jumping between links and praying that perhaps this time you had found the correct page, you finally make it to the hospital security system. You blame your caffeinated jittery hands for how long it took you to find. Once in the system, you begin changing over a few simple details, nothing too extreme that could potentially be cause for concern if anyone were to see, but the changes you made were imperative to the mission. The contact name for the security recruitment agency remained the same, however you now deleted out the previous phone number, adding in One’s phone number as planned. Finally came task three, which you had been dreading since you woke up this morning. The guilt of what you were about to do had been gnawing at you all week. You weren’t a bad person, not really; you kept telling yourself, hoping that perhaps if you said so enough, it would be true. You feared sending this email would ruin Frank, that it would destroy him… ‘It’s just business.’ You can hear One telling you, his exact words after you had both come up with this plan. “It’s just business, I’m just doing my job. It’s for the greater good.” You whisper, your voice catching in your throat. You don’t give yourself another moment to dwell on things, and instead quickly write up your email on the address you had created specifically for the mission. The email informs Frank of his urgent presence being required in Scotland to discuss the legalities of his and his wife’s separation, and custody of his children. Holding your breath, you hit send, watching impatiently until the message had left your outbox. By the time Frank would arrive in Scotland, the company you had pretended to work for would be closed for three weeks due to renovations. He would have no way of contacting them to find out why his presence was required, and of course try as he might, there was no chance he would receive a reply to any of his emails to you. So for three weeks, he would stick it out at home, arguing with his wife, all while you take over for him at the hospital.

*****

Soft pinks and oranges had begun to coat the evening sky as dusk rolled in, and for the first time in years, Four found himself staring up at the sky, envisioning a future. A future which didn’t involve hurting or killing people, no matter how evil and vile they were. Just a plain, normal future. He didn’t quite know what had brought these thoughts upon him, they were the types of thoughts he had managed to banish into the deepest parts of his mind. In fact, the last time he had thought about a normal life, was shortly after Six had died. They all mourned him of course, but the reality of losing Six had weighed down on him greatly. And for close to three months, Four had seriously considered abandoning the Ghosts, and starting a fresh life far away from them. At the time though, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t leave the team. And besides, he had no where to go, and no one to run to. But now? Now was different, he had you. The two of you could run away together, leave the Ghosts, leave this life behind. Start over wherever in the world you wanted you, far away from One and his plans of revenge against those who had wronged the world….

He shook his head, the images of normalcy which had formed in his minds eye, fading away, just as the sun was. He couldn’t leave, not when this was the closest thing to a family he had had since he was a toddler. If there was one thing he knew for sure, you don’t abandon your family. His own parents had taught him that the hard way.

Carefully, Four pushed himself up from where he had been relaxing atop his trailer. His back was stiff after having been laid down for what felt like too long, but he paid it little mind. As he leapt down to the ground, a loud yell echoed throughout base.

“Will somebody answer my phone? I can’t get to it right now!” It was One, yelling at the top of his lungs from god knows where, his voice sounded muffled though.

Next came Five’s screamed reply. “Where are you then?”

“Garage!” One yelled back.

“Coming, I’ll get it!” Four watched as Five went darting across base, kicking up red dust in her haste.

For interests sake, Four made his meandering way towards the garage, just to see what was so urgent about this phone call, and why One couldn’t get it. He strolled in, hands in his pants pockets, and hood drawn over his head. His eyes darting between Five, who was reading from a script scribbled in an old notebook while on the phone, to One who’s feet were sticking out from beneath a silver Audi R8.

“Good afternoon, leader security how may I help you?” Five recited in what was either the worst or perhaps best Dolly Parton imitation Four had ever heard. “Oh sure, you need a new head of security? How soon do you need them to start?” There was a pause, and Four stepped further over to the Audi, titling his head to the left as he lifted a quizzical brow. “Asap? Well where are y’all located?... Oh I see, let me transfer you.”

“You alright down there mate?” Four smirked giving One’s foot a gentle kick.

“Yep, never better. Why do you ask?”

“Well it’s just, you’re only like, ten steps away from your phone… Not sure why you couldn’t get it yourself is all.” He shrugged, folding his arms across his chest, and rocking back on his heels.

One pauses for a few moments, selecting his next words carefully. “I just didn’t want to stop what I was doing midway through.”

Four crouched slightly, peering at the floor creeper One was reclined on beneath the car. One of the wheels had popped off entirely, while another on the same side was horrendously bent out of shape. “You’re stuck aren’t ya?”

“Yes I’m stuck.”

*****

Two hours later, your mobile rings with One’s caller ID flashing, grinning you answer with a bright smile. “Good afternoon, Leader security recruitment how may I help you?” You recite in an overly practiced voice, not that the person on the other end of the line could tell, but it sure made you feel better, knowing you weren’t about to trip over your own words. One had done just as was planned, and upon playing receptionist for the security company, had transferred the call directly to you, and now it was time to get yourself employed.

The female voice on the other end of the line begins speaking frantically, telling you about how the current head of security for her hospital had just left unexpectedly, and that they needed someone to fill in for him until they could find out when he would return.

“Ma’am, it will all be fine, I assure you. Now can you please tell me your company code?” You smile, while typing aimlessly into a word document. So long as the woman on the phone could hear you typing, you would not raise any suspicion, even if all you were typing was smiley faces. “I see, and this is a hospital based in Noumea New Caledonia, is that correct? – Mhm no problems at all. How soon do you require someone to commence?” You type out the few details she tells you which are actually important to you, before returning to the faces. “I will have to see who I have in area who may be able to assist you. One of contractors recently moved to the area I believe for a change of scenery.  May I put you on hold and see if I am able to call her?” The moment the woman agrees, you place the call on hold and laugh to yourself. The temptation to have an actual conversation with yourself just to keep the charade up is there, however considering as it had only been a few hours of you living alone, you felt you should at least attempt to keep the bouts of insanity to a minimum for now. “Hello, are you still there?” You ask a few minutes later.  “Anastasia Breaker will be available as of tomorrow morning, if you could please forward all details regarding her employment to the following email address, then she will see you in the morning.” The woman is nearly in tears as she thanks you, promising she would send the information within minutes. “Of course, no problems. Have a lovely evening, and once again, thank you for choosing leader security.”

As the phone goes silent, you stand up and stretch, raising your arms above your head. You’d done it, you were in. Or rather Anastasia was in, but no matter who’s name was on the contract, you were the one who would be doing all the work.

*****

For the next few hours, you read through the multiple emails which arrived for Anastasia Breaker, advising you of where to go tomorrow morning, and who you would be meeting upon your arrival. It was nothing too unusual, or anything unexpected, the only downside was that you had been requested to arrive at 6 am. To some that may be ok, normal even. But to you, a perpetual night owl, it felt like torture. After laying out your clothing for the following morning, to allow for a slight sleep in, you lay down in the double bed you had claimed as yours. You knew it would likely end up being shared once the others arrived, but for now, it was all yours. The lights had all been turned out, leaving you in near complete darkness. The only light was that of the shining silver moon, peering down on you through a forest of thick trees. Try as you might however, sleep seemed to escape you. Perhaps it was nerves of tomorrow and your new ‘job’, or maybe it was just the fact you were sleeping in a new bed. No matter the cause, after tossing and turning for nearly an hour, you eventually gave up. Sitting upright, you grab the burner phone off the nightstand, having left it beside you with an alarm on for the morning.

You stare down at the bare screen, so used to your own which was filled with various apps. On this phone however, there was nothing of interest to do. Your thumb hovered over your contacts, and you bite your lower lip in thought. You knew One would be furious if he found out you were using the phone as anything but emergency contacts and an alarm, but at the same time, you found yourself having a rather difficult time caring about him and what he thought while he was so far away. Finally, you press down on the contact, and listen to the phone ring on loudspeaker.

“Hello?” Four’s distinct voice carries through, and you feel a wave of comfort roll over you. His voice alone felt like home, and it almost frightened you to think that, especially considering how brief your relationship had been so far.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Oh, Oh! I’m sorry love I had no idea. This number isn’t programmed into my phone, I genuinely thought it was a telemarketer or something!” He was rambling, and you could almost see the pale crimson blush which would be creeping up his neck and cheeks, as he too realised, he was rambling.

“It’s totally fine, I’m not really supposed to be calling you. But I needed to hear a friendly voice.”

“Who says you’re not supposed to call?”

“One.”

“Fuck him and his stupid rules!”

“I would really rather not.”

“You know what I mean, you idiot.” You can practically hear his eye roll through his words, and you can’t help but smile at that. At how well you know his mannerisms these days.  “How has day one gone? Everything going according to plan?”

You nod, before recalling that he can’t see you. “Yep, things seem to be rather smooth sailing for now. I’ll be starting at the hospital tomorrow morning, and from there I can get everything else set in motion.”

“That’s brilliant, at this rate it’ll all be over before we know it!”

You pause for a moment, resting the phone on the pillow beside your head. “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“What’s wrong hm? You don’t sound convinced?”

Rolling over, you lay flat on your back, staring up at the ceiling. “I suppose I’m just trying to come to terms with how quickly this is all happening, you know? Like, I feel it was just yesterday One announced who the targets were, and now suddenly I’m here? It’s all happening so fast.”

“I know exactly what you mean, I can’t quite wrap my head around it all either. But look at how far we’ve come. How far you’ve come! Remember that day when the targets were announced-“

“You mean the day I ran out of the briefing and nearly killed us both?” You interrupt, smirking slightly at the memory.

“Yes, that day. But look at you now, look at where you are! You’ve changed so much in such a short period of time. You’re far more prepared than any of us here at base are, and for us, this is either our second or third mission! For you, this is your first, and you’re already doing better than any of us could’ve imagined.”

“Do you mean that, or are you just saying it so I stop panicking?”

“I’ve never meant anything more in my life Eight, I promise.”

“Thank you, I – thank you.” You whisper, rolling to your side and looking down at the phone. You sigh deeply, closing your eyes tight before allowing them to slowly open. “Tell me something that no one else in the Ghosts knows about you.”

You hear him chuckle, a deep rumble which you wish you could wrap your arms around him and feel as it flowed through you. “Do you want something to laugh at?”

“Yes, I don’t want to cry tonight. Make it funny.”

Four hums to himself, and you curl around your pillow, cradling the phone near your chest. “Right, here’s one. Bet you didn’t know I have a criminal record as an arsonist!”

He sounds proud of himself, and for the life of you, you can’t fathom why. “You what now?”

“It was my first charge, long before the cops ever figured out I was stealing, which I had been doing for years before this occurred.”

“How long have you been a thief, Four?”

“A long while… But that’s a story for another time. This is about fire lord me!”

You groan, rolling your eyes at the nickname he had given himself, while leaving a mental note to ask him about his past one day, when you weren’t in the middle of a mission.

“I was maybe 15 or 16, and was with this girl who I thought was made of pure heaven. I practically worshiped the ground she walked on, and daydreamed about her all day every day. To her though, I was a kid who was a year or two younger than her, and she just loved the attention, not matter who it came from. I knew she only spent a month with each of her boyfriends, but naive young me thought that maybe I could convince her to be with me forever. Spoiler alert, that didn’t work out. One night I decided to surprise her when she came home from dance lessons, her parents were out of town for the week, and I figured I would make a romantic evening for the two of us, and would allow her to be my first.” He pauses for a moment, as if wanting to see if you wanted to hear where this was going.

“It’s fine Four, just keep telling the story.” You giggle, shaking your head softly at where this was all going.

“Well I got super fancy, ordered takeout because heaven knows I cannot cook, even managed to nick a bottle of champagne from the local liquor store. It was cheap nasty stuff now that I think about it, but at the time, I felt very grown up. I lit candles all over her townhouse, there were some in the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms and even the kitchen. I think I went through an entire matchbook that night. So finally she gets home, and I’m nervous as hell. Legs jittery, forehead sweaty, and look the exact opposite of sexy like I had hoped for. She’s all smiles, and even thanks me for setting up a lovely evening.  After we eat, she steps outside to have a smoke, and I clean up in the kitchen. The next thing I know, she’s shouting from the front door, and then the smoke alarming is blaring throughout the house. I run outside, and find her staring up at the second floor at her bedroom window, where billows of dark smoke are seeping out. Turns out, she had a cat I didn’t know about, and the fucker knocked down one of the candles, it landed near her bedroom curtains, and the flames engulfed pretty much the entire room. Cops and firemen came, shockingly they didn’t believe me when I said it was the cat. And the fact that I had been in her home without her for so long didn’t help my argument either….”

“Oh my goodness, so you were actually innocent? The cat got you a record?” You laugh, pressing your palm to your forehead.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. That cat is the reason I don’t do romantic anymore.” He grumbled playfully.

“Aw, and why’s that? Cat got your tongue?!” You chortle, you were definitely borderline tired now, because to you, that was officially the funniest pun in the world.

“Oh dear, oh no…. Eight that was terrible, please never say anything like that again.”

“Aww, come on! It was funny!”

“No love, no it wasn’t.”

There’s no use in arguing the point, you knew you were funny and that was all that mattered. “Fine, I’ll stop with the cat puns especially seeing as you’re not feline it…”

‘You are very annoying, you know that right?”

“Of course, but it’s part of my appeal!”

“Whatever you say. But I do think You need some sleep, because you sound hella tired right now.”

As if on que, a yawn slips from your lips, giving away just how tired you now were. “You may be right.”

“Good night love, good luck tomorrow. I know you’ll be amazing.”

You smile at his words, tracing your finger along the edge of the phone. “Thank you. I’ll see you soon, ok?”

“Ok.”

You end the call, and place the phone back on the nightstand. As you allowed your eyes to drift shut, you can’t help but feel just that little bit more confident that things were going just as they were planned.

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Chapter Eleven here!

[petals-and-bullets]

Patient I

Pairing: ? x Reader

Word Count: 1272 words

Info: WARNING: THIS FIC INCLUDES GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF DEAD BODIES. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. There was a hospital on top of the hill, a hospital that had since been abandoned. Determined to snoop, you went on to explore its desolate halls, only to uncover an uncomfortable secret...

A/N: This is a secondary warning; this fic is intended to be a horror fic. It is not for the faint of heart, and if you are uncomfortable with descriptions of deceased bodies/horror in general, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS! 

Case No. 56/B, Log A1

Recorded at 3.23 AM, Wednesday XX/XX/19XX

Patient I has shown significant regression when offered vegetables or fruit. Dr Oates believes this may be due to the lack of molars present in the mouth of the patient, however I believe this is due to the dietary needs. When found, there was a carcass present, though no tests have been conducted to discover what creature the carcass was. The patient immediately became defensive when the search team tried to approach it, and had bitten off the hand of the head of the team when he reached out to pick up part of the carcass…

Case No. 56/B, Log C3

Recorded at 5.49 PM, Monday XX/XX/19XX

Patient I now has a name: XXXX. Dr Oates came up with the name alone, having researched local mythology and beliefs. Should one be discovered in the wild, it has been noted that a tracking team should be sent to follow and monitor it to discover what Patient I’s kind eat in the wild. Patient I still refuses food, and has been recorded to lose its weight the longer it goes without food.

Meat has been offered, prepared in several ways, with only pork seeming to be the kind of meat that Patient I can stomach. I believe that, following tests of the carcass found with Patient I, we will find the exact kind of meat eaten by the Patient when we discovered him. I wholly believe that…

You put the file down, the ripped remains of the paperwork making it nearly impossible for you to read. As soon as the paper hit the floor, it crinkled and the neat, orderly writing that had made you feel sick to your stomach melted away as it hit the puddle at your knees, but you merely dug through the next box beside you, your eyes narrowed as you tried to find at least a whole log, so as to achieve a full understanding of what happened to the Patient the logs wrote about. When you had inquired about the abandoned hospital, you had been warned to not even consider going near it, but you needed to know what had happened in the ominous building on the hillside that overlooked the town. A thick fog had settled over the buildings, its tendrils wrapping around them and choking out the light so it was nearly impossible for you to see when you were making your way up the hill.

A sharp snap made you spin on your knees, having knelt down in order to rifle through the damaged boxes and paperwork. Blindly, you fumbled for your torch and the pocket knife the old barkeep had thrust into your hand before he sent you on your way, and you directed the beam into the darkened doorway. The doorway itself was empty, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had been stood, watching you. The hairs on the back of your neck prickled as you stood, grabbing the ring of keys that had been tossed haphazardly on the floor beside the boxes. Whatever made the occupants of the building leave in a hurry made them careless enough to hide anything that would aid snoopers into furthering their ventures into the building; snoopers like you.

There was only the soft squeaking and chittering of mice – you hoped they were mice – as your footsteps echoed through the barren hallways, stepping past overturned stretchers and broken trolleys with shards of glass scattered around them. The further you ventured, the more damaged the walls became; the plaster was clawed off, deep rifts left in the structures that wept moss and mildew, your breath coming out in a fog as you continued to explore the hallways. Despite the feeling of intolerable loneliness, you resolved yourself to finding the offices of the Dr Oates that had been referenced before. If the previous logs were anything to go off, the good doctor’s office would possess more details for you. Perhaps even the name of what Patient I had been given.

As you climbed the stairs leading to the second floor, a rancid, putrid odour hit you like a freight train. You immediately pressed your hand against your mouth and nose to try and protect yourself against it, as you searched for the source of the scent. A soft squelching noise soon answered your search, and you froze before you slowly looked down, your eyes widening at the horrified face that stared back up at you as you shone your torch down onto it. Hesitantly, you brought the torchlight further down the corpse, revealing that you had stood in the open cavity of the cadaver’s chest, though the body itself had been so mangled and was in such a form of decomposition it was nearly impossibly to determine if they had been a male or a female. You swallowed the bile that threatened to force itself out of your throat and lifted your foot from the hole, watching as the body tumbled down the steps, now it had been disturbed. Another sound made you quickly hurry up the steps, turning to shine the torch to see where the body had landed, though you couldn’t decipher where it was. It was as if the body hadn’t been there at all.

You shook your head and then further advanced down the corridors, before you stopped outside a room, the door partially open. There was a faint scent of incense – unusual in the circumstances – but it triggered a memory from your youth almost immediately; the faint sound of metal bangles dancing against each other, a record player delicately scratching the record playing, what was it? Johnny Thunders – that was his favourite – and then there were the eyes. The eyes that somehow managed to both harden and soften at the same time, the eyes that crinkled at the corner as he laughed at your poor attempts to recite the words he had promised to teach you, the eyes that shone with tears when the sheriff had apologised and claimed he couldn’t find his mother.

Izzy.

Had Izzy somehow made his way here, in search of his mother? Had she been kidnapped, and was she the Patient I the logs had referred to?

Your hand reached out and pushed open the door fully, inhaling deeply at the first wave of incense that hit you, before you gagged at the scent of rotting corpses. After a moment’s recollection, you looked into the room and was unable to hold back the second wave of bile that rose from your stomach at the sight of the four bodies – if you could call them that – decorating the small, dank office. One slumped in the corner, holding a knife handle, its blade embedded deep into the cadaver’s skull. The other three were missing several limbs or just whole chunks of their bodies, and you swallowed thickly as you remembered the last log you’d read.

The Patient only accepted pork because pork was the closest thing to human meat. Izzy had always muttered that whenever the high school served pork, and you always rolled your eyes and presumed that he had been taking the piss, or that he was merely trying to terrify the Bailey boy that was only just gaining confidence to hang out with the pair of you.

A glint in the corner made you direct your torchlight to it, and you swallowed thickly at the thin, hunched creature sitting in the corner, its matted hair dangling over its face. But you knew who it was without even needing to see its face.

“… Hello, Izzy.”

[monchikyun]

XVIII. bury a friend

It has been awfully quiet for about an hour now. As Connor ended his story with horrible dejection written all over his face, he turned around and initiated his stasis, refusing any and all comfort Gavin has been more than willing to provide. He did expect it to be something twisted and tragic like that, even imagined the worst possible scenario before being told how it really went down, just to be safe. If he’s honest with himself, the reality isn't very far from the most fucked up course of events his mind has been able to cook up. Still, it has been able to freeze the blood in his veins, which has paralysed his brain for the amount of time it took Connor to withdraw to his simulated sleep. 

Gavin has already cursed himself for being so goddamn incompetent when it comes to emotional issues, blamed himself for the cold shoulder he didn't even have the chance to receive. He still does, as he lies glued to the bed, counting the cracks in the ceiling. His nicotine addiction is begging him to go into the cold and give it what it needs to survive, but the warmth of his current company is impossible to leave. His hand aches for the smallest touch, for some confirmation that Connor is still here with him. So he directs his sight to the body next to him, letting himself be mesmerised by the constellations of freckles decorating the android's bare arm. It's a painful view, knowing that he still doesn't have the right to connect those dots with his own defects, to interpose himself with this amazing, flawed being who has carved a hole in his chest and invaded his heart.

He remembers how the android was back when he found him on the roof, finally realising the enormous difference created by the months they’ve spent together. Last spring he dreaded going to work, feared that Connor just wouldn’t show up one day and he wouldn’t be able to see him ever again. Or worse, all that would remain of him would be the empty vessel that used to house his colourful soul, something that would kill his last hopes. He was tempted to become a well-meaning stalker then, to always be near for when a potential threat arrives, but that idea was too exhausting for him in the end, and so he left his worries to a silent prayer which guided him all through to summer. 

With the warmth came the first smile and a myriad of gratitudes for his uncharacteristic kindness. That’s when they started having casual conversations, a big leap from the uncomfortable silences that filled their shared hours in the previous season. It was somewhere in July when he first regarded Connor as his friend, without his vigilant denial disagreeing that fact. Gavin has always found the android very attractive, like an eye candy specifically developed for his torment, but knowing there was a whole, unpolished person behind that plastic perfection has made his partner so much more appealing. He simply couldn’t stop himself getting drawn to him, despite all the countless attempts to emotionally distance himself from the one who lived inside his dreams. It was either letting himself be eaten by the monsters living in his past, or inviting in the one person who has the power to push them away from his corrupted mind.

For the longest time, he did neither. Though his inability to act on his feelings was due to more than just the inherent fragility of their source, he was simply afraid like he has always been when it comes to things that have the potential to hurt him. He'd rather be thrown in a paper shredder than to have his soul bruised again. Physical pain is easy to understand, straightforward in its healing. Time usually takes care of what needs to be done, but when it comes to the mind, sometimes even passing years will have little to no effect on the waste that has accumulated in someone’s innermost core. And Gavin didn't want to add onto the rotting pile of mess that has already been too much to bear as it is. But that was months ago, and as the earth was becoming colder, the warmth that had started budding inside of him turned into sweltering heat.

When autumn was nearing its end, he understood that he would soon burn up if he didn’t begin dealing with his problem. Maybe that’s how they got here, to a place where he doesn’t have to call his feelings inconvenience anymore, having breached the border that has kept them apart all these months. He wants to stop fighting it for good. This truth is sent to him from above as he puts his fingers on Connor's bare temple, tracing the ghost of the LED that used to signify his nature. 

He'd like to say that the fact that one of them isn't human is what prevented them from giving into their hearts' desires, but that is far from the truth. Life is much more complicated than that, not as black and white as he wants it to be. 

Gavin wishes their relationship was defined, so he could casually take the android in his arms and hold him away from the evil of the world, just for a short while, just so he can expand his collection of irreplaceable moments that he doesn't ever want to forget. 

He considers getting just a bit closer, weighing all the pros and cons that ultimately mean nothing because deep down he recognises that their sentiments are shared. So he lowers his steadying hand down from Connor’s temple, ready to enfold everything his partner represents. But fortune isn’t on his side tonight, because as soon as he begins his movement, Connor wakes up with a jerk that betrays confusion lined up with its best friend, unease. 

"Did you have a nightmare?" Gavin is more than familiar with the concept of being tortured by his own psyche as he lays it to rest, so he's aware of just how disorienting such illusions can be, how unrelentingly cruel and merciless they often are. 

"No, no... I-... androids can't normally dream. I wasn't really sleeping, just… thinking. More than I should." 

Gavin scoots over so their shoulders are just about touching, a decision his conscious mind has had no say in. 

"Do you wanna talk 'bout it?" A quiet, tentative question just barely escapes his lips for fear he gets denied entrance into Connor's trove of dark secrets. 

There is a short, excruciating period of silence before he gets his answer.

"You know how I can preconstruct any future scenario based on the information available to me?" 

"Yeah? I mean… sorta. Can't really wrap my mind around your technical stuff most of the time." That's only partially a lie. He ought to tell him that he doesn't want to picture his inner workings because they kind of scare him, but maybe that would be too inappropriate given the frailty of this moment. 

"Well… I saw you get buried…,” the android breathes out for reasons Gavin can only guess, “after you died, naturally." 

"Naturally." 

Why doesn't this even surprise him anymore. Of course Connor would paint himself the grimmest image possible, these are just his default settings. Give him the brightest colours and he'd draw you the darkest sky without a single star in sight. 

"That's not… I'm sorry I,... I didn't mean to… I just couldn't stop it since it went that way and…" 

"Hey, it's okay.” It hurts seeing Connor get like that, losing most of his coherency and feeling like he should apologise for it.  

“How…," Gavin takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts down. Connor was the one who saw his funeral, not him, yet he feels like he’s been there already, among the dirt, not far from other decaying corpses. It’s an uncanny sensation. Not one he’ll be chasing any time soon. 

"How did it make you feel?" A stupid question, really, and yet the best his brain has to offer. 

"How do you think?" Gavin never knew that tears could fit an incredulous look, but the welling in Connor's eyes combined with the exasperation written all over his face is proof enough. Laughable, frankly, but he wouldn't dare. Not now, anyway. 

"Guess it sucked then." 

"That's putting it mildly." The android shakes his head and rubs his eyes before they have the chance to leak his sorrow. 

"I… I don't ever want to go through that again,” he says, desperation piercing his voice through and through. It would be easy to dismiss these ungrounded worries if it wasn’t for the two flaming brown lights probing his own mossy pools like they intend to hypnotise them and seize control over his soul.  

"You know that no one can force you to… be there... when it happens." 

"You don’t get it! That's not the point. I don't want to live in a world where two of my best friends are nothing but a memory. I realise that’s selfish, but… "

Gavin does, by all means, get it, he just tried to help, somehow. 

Connor’s eyes are turning into glass, threatening to melt again, so he closes his because God knows he does not possess the strength to witness it, not tonight at least. 

"Maybe you should just relax Con, the future will come no matter what, but we still have the might to shape it as we like. To some extent. Anyway,... I promise…," he cuts the sentence midway to inhale a big gulp of oxygen, an action which results in a minor coughing fit. 

"I promise to try my best to stay by your side as long as physically possible. " A statement which makes him want to cry instead. 

"Does it mean you’ll stop smoking then?" 

Oh, that devious android, of course this conversation would lead here, why wouldn't it. He glances at his nightstand, checking if the half-full box of cigarettes is still there, waiting for him to take its lethal fruit. Come to think about it, ever since their little trip his taste for cigarettes has somewhat diminished. Could be the fresher air just outside these thin walls, or the fact that Connor’s presence stimulates him enough already, so the need for nicotine is not as great as it is when he has to spend his time alone or surrounded by people who hold little to no significance to him, pretending like he doesn't crave something beyond the drug his body could very well function without. 

"Yeah..., yeah, okay." Gavin buries his face in his hands, disbelieving his consent. 

As he puts them away and folds them in his lap, he scroungers up a lazy smile meant to lighten up the heavy mood, to maybe clear Connor’s stormy sky a little. 

"But only if you promise to try to be more optimistic…  just a smidge.., " he makes a gesture with his two fingers to show how small of an effort would suffice. 

Then he gives Connor a friendly pat on his thigh, after which he realises that he doesn't have to limit his displays of affection anymore, not after all the intimacy they have been willing to submit themselves to already. 

So he lets his palm linger, allowing himself to rub gentle circles into the clothed skin. He doesn't have to be cautious with Connor, for the android isn't burdened with any biological organs that would make this situation uncomfortable for both parties. 

"Life isn't all bad, I’m sure you came across that particular information at least once during your time on this Earth. Experienced it, even. No?" 

"You're right." 

A trace of a hesitant smile on Connor’s lips is all that it takes for Gavin to heave a sigh of relief. He’s too tired to think beyond that feeling. Everything inside of him, all the emotions and memories blend into a blurry mixture as he starts losing the ground under his feet. 

But he must fight it, his friend still needs him awake...

"Let's go to sleep," Connor whispers, tugging him into a tender embrace. It’s warm and safe and he can't concentrate on anything but the wave of love pulling him under to the sweet slumber he’s always yearned for. 

Indeed, life can be ever so wonderful sometimes.

@a-convin-new-year

[ughgclden]

bee, don’t ever apologise to me for telling me about your day, i’m happy to listen, and understand the need to mention the little things you do so they don’t disappear into the day to day progression.

i recently redid my room too, and took pretty much everything off my walls as well, other than my signed lindsay sterling poster. it’s both a violinist thing and a oh she’s pretty hhhh thing.

if it makes you feel less odd for telling me little things about your day, i’ll tell you something about mine.

we got our sets up today, they’re not near finished, but theyre standing, and it makes it feel so real, i guess.

youre relearning french?? how lovely omg french SENDS me every time i hear it or read it from others but it’s a pain to write in omg

so is russian, in all fairness.

and bee, i am always up here (metaphorically, although i’m decently tall so there are a couple of my friends to which up here is literal) to listen to you and understand you to the best of my abilities. to read your fics and posts about youtube life changing ads.

in not so sad a context, to paraphrase the words of the little prince, when you look up at the stars, i’ll be out there somewhere, laughing, and so the stars will always laugh for you, and you alone.

ill have another latin quote for you tomorrow, i haven’t had much time to do fun latin, we’ve been translating for class exclusively.

i can offer you, however, a short poem, written in blue ink pen in the back of my schoolbook, entitled “a silly little poem for bee”

i cannot say there are few things lost on me

in fact, about everything human is lost on me

disconnected from humanity

its odd, however, to live through

how much someone else can mean to you

how much someone’s words, writings, jokes, phrases not spoken specifically for me at all, can mean

can comfort

can listen, somehow.

and all at once, i am no longer one but many

a constellation

all for her.

also, regarding the touchstarved, i don’t know whether or not to be upset for you making us suffer with you /j

i can say, will say, that as touchstarved as i am, your letters always feel like hugs and warm mugs of tea with honey and lemon.

hasta la próxima vez, mi alma,

all my love,

your star ✨

star my love, i want to apologise first about how long this took - i've never been quite good at responding to messages on the best of days, as any of my friends can attest to. i mentioned earlier my day has been a bit odd, but one good thing is that my hair is now partially lilac!!

and thank you for being so accepting of my ramblings!! although there's little you can do to stop them really, i appreciate it more than you know <3 i totally get the hhh pretty thing; as someone who's sat through countless bad movies for pretty people. but that sounds so cute!! i can't wait for it all to be done so i can go back to covering my walls in stuff, there's too much blank space as of now.

that sounds so nice!!! i used to work on sets in school when they did plays - i was definitely not an actor, but being slightly artistic and working on sets got me out of lessons - and i loved it.

as much as id love to learn russian, i just know my brain could never wrap itself around the language, so i commend you for being able to understand it - even to a degree!! i just think french is a rly pretty language, i mean people call it the language of love, so why not? this goes hand in hand with my awful attempts at learning italian.

you are likely both metaphorically and physically up here for me, as i'm not the tallest person around (unless im wearing my platform docs, they give me another few inches), but i'm always here for you. my inbox is always welcoming of whatever you have to offer, promise.

i say it every time but i still can't believe these poems are for me - it doesn't feel real in the slightest, or deserved. but i can say yet again you've amazed me with your talent - you are more than just my constellation, but the brightest star in the sky <3 i can largely relate with your poem though love, i too am lost on a lot of human things, and i'm pretty sure i always will be, but no matter. at least we're in the same boat :D

as a person who sees making cups of tea as a love language, i couldn't be happier. on days like these (and any day, really) your letters are like a soft blanket when you come in from the biting cold, and as you're wrapped up and warm at last, everything just feels right for that moment, you know?

as always, sending my love <33

[vampiregirl1797]

When Your Soulmate Walks into a Club

Lucifer Morningstar x female soulmate reader

GIF not mine.

I apologise for any spelling mistakes.

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Summary: Y/N is befriended by Maze, and after a few months finds herself helping her new demon friend out with bartending. This is how she meets him, Lucifer Morningstar, in all his glory. Of course, she already knows the truth of his identity, and finds herself becoming entangled in a discussion with the devil that has him in awe of Maze’s new friend. Before they part, Lucifer sees a name he hasn’t gone by in centuries tattooed on her wrist: Samael. When he learns her name, he knows he’s just met his soulmate. But she remains unaware. Will Lucifer tell her the truth?

 I shook my head in amusement at Maze’s antics as she growled at yet another sweaty man who’d hit on her in the past five minutes. How any of them thought that pig-headed comments, and sexual promises that none of them looked like they had the stamina to live up to would entice my demon friend was beyond me.

 ‘How many more have to hit on you before you transform and scare them so bad that they pee themselves?’ I asked with mirth.

 The demon beauty rolled her eyes, but a small smile revealed itself on her lips, assuring me that I’d cooled her irritation at least a little.

 ‘The risk will become a lot higher if the new girl that Lucifer hired doesn’t show up for her shift and take some of the sexual objectification off me.’ She muttered, taking the quiet moment to restock some of the glasses and wipe down the spillages off the bar.

‘Don’t worry, if the new unreliable bartender your boss hired doesn’t show, I can help out. I’m only here to hang out with you anyway,’ I said, leaning forward on the bar so she could still hear me as she moved to check the what bottles needed restocking behind her.

 ‘You are wonderful.’ Maze said, offering me a rare sincere smile as she turned around, allowing me to see her rolling her eyes, ‘I don’t know when Lucifer is going to learn his lesson. This will be the fourth girl he’s hired who hasn’t bothered to show up. At this rate, I should hire you, you work here just as much as I do.’

 ‘You know I don’t mind helping out when I can.’ I checked the time and realised that I had time to go to the bathroom before the night rush arrived, ‘give me five minutes to go to the restroom and I’ll be back.’

 She only nodded, distracted by a woman wanting to buy a round of drinks for herself and her friends.

 Maze and I had been friends for a few months now. I met her after I’d moved to L.A. I’d been living here for about three months, and as I worked as a freelance writer it meant that I spent most of my time working from home. So, I hadn’t had the chance to make any friends, and I was feeling a little lonely. Somehow I found myself wondering into Lux, sitting at the bar, and receiving a lot of free drinks because Maze said seeing my depressed expression was making her “want to punch” or “throw up.” So she settled for getting me drunk to make me happier, and took the time to listen to my drunken, lonely ramblings when most of the crowd had cleared out. I listened to her complain about her boss’ neglectful behaviour towards his duties—at the time I thought she meant as the manager of Lux, but I’d come to learn later that she was talking about his duties as the devil.

 Maze had told me about her true form after a month of friendship, though to be fair, she had made a lot of references to hell but I hadn’t taken them at face value until she’d transformed in front of me. After that had happened, and I’d gotten over the shock of what I’d seen, I listened as she explained everything to me. How she was a demon, who’d followed Lucifer, the devil, through the gates of hell and found herself in L.A. She’d been surprised at how well I’d taken it, but Maze had been a good friend to me, and the fact that she was something I’d thought was mythical until I’d met her, wasn’t going to change her importance in my life. Despite all of this, I hadn’t met the infamous Lucifer, but with what Maze had told me about his womanizer ways, I wasn’t in a hurry to.

 I shook myself out of my thoughts as I washed my hands in the sink. Once they were dry, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail using the hair tie on my wrist before heading back to the bar. I quickened my pace when I noticed the crowd that was starting to grow around the bar, like bees returning back to their nest.

 ‘I’m here.’ I shouted out, smiling when I noticed Maze’s shoulders relax slightly.

 The next six hours passed in a rush of orders, a blur of faces and a drunken slur of sexual comments from men and a few women. Maze and I shared a shot of tequila when the crowd filled down to the last few customers.

 ‘It’s getting busier and busier. Which is good for the boss, but not so good for those responsible for making sure everyone gets served.’ I sighed, taking a huge gulp of the ice water I’d just poured myself.

 ‘Tell me about it.’ Maze muttered, shaking her head, anger present on her face.

 ‘You know, if you were serious about me working here, I wouldn’t mind taking you up on the offer.’ I slid on top of the bar, my front facing Maze who was stood behind it, counting the money in the register.

 ‘Really? What about your other job?’ She asked, shooting someone approaching the bar a dirty look—I didn’t bother to turn to see who it was, Maze was scary when she wanted to be, so he or she wouldn’t approach unless they had a death wish.

 ‘I usually work on that during the day, so working here at night wouldn’t be a problem for me if you need the help.’

 ‘That would be amazing. Thank you, Y/N.’ She glared at someone over my shoulder.

 ‘No problem.’

 ‘I’m gonna go put this money in the safe.’ She said, abruptly taking the cash and storming off towards the back room where the safe was held.

 I shuffled off the bar, about to start to collect the glasses that people had abandoned on various flat surfaces throughout the club, when I realised there was someone standing and waiting to be served. I had to force my expression to remain blank, but on the inside I was taken aback by how attractive he was. He was wearing a black suit, sans tie, with a crisp white shirt that seemed to make his brown eyes pop against his olive complexion. His brown hair looked soft and I had to force the mental image of running my fingers through his hair from my brain before it could show on my face. He was smirking at me, as if he knew what I was thinking, and I cleared my throat to speak before the pick up line could come out of his mouth.

 ‘What can I get you?’ I asked, happy with how steady my voice was.

 ‘Well, love, I wouldn’t mind a drink of you,’ his eyes travelled over me slowly, lingering on my breasts, ‘you look absolutely delicious.’

 ‘Well I am not on the menu, so please order a beverage I would be willing to serve you, or leave.’ I said, my tone firm.

 ‘Forgive my brash behaviour, darling.’ His eyes seemed to sparkle with mirth as he tapped his fingers on the bar, ‘I’ll have a double bourbon please.’

 I nodded, grabbing a glass and pouring the drink, ‘do you want ice?’ I asked over my shoulder.

 ‘No, thank you.’

 I turned around and shot him a look when I caught him staring at my ass.

 ‘Listen, it’s not gonna happen, so if you wanna keep receiving drinks free from something other than the drink you ordered, you’re gonna wanna stop undressing me with your eyes.’ I cocked my brow and slid his drink over to him.

 I bit back a smile at the surprise that formed on his face before mirth took over and he laughed loud enough for me to hear over the music that was playing in the background. The sound was warm, delighted and as much as I hated to admit it… contagious. I bent over to pick up the bowl used to collect glasses, and got on with my task—mostly to hide grin on my face. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked around the club, collecting the stray dishes and politely reminding customers that we were closing soon. By the time they were collected, everyone but sexy suit was gone. I reminded him, just like everyone else, but he just smirked and continued to sip his drink at an annoyingly slow pace. I rolled my eyes and started to load the dishwasher, promising myself that if he wasn’t gone by the time I was done, I was kicking him out either way.

 ‘So, darling, tell me what’s your name?’ He asked, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he could make such a simple sentence sound so seductive.

 ‘Jasmine,’ I said, bending over to carefully place some wine glasses in the bottom rack.

 ‘Hmm… Something tells me you’re not being honest.’ He said, a disapproving lilt to his tone.

 ‘Well I’ve learned not to give my real name to horny guys in clubs.’ I shot him a sarcastic smile before returning to my task, ‘it makes men think that you want them to look you up, call you a hundred times a day with sexually repulsive comments that they think makes them irresistible.’

 ‘Sounds like I’ve hit a nerve.’ He sounded less disapproving now, and more understanding, ‘though I assure you my interest was partially professional.’

 ‘I am not a stripper, or a prostitute.’ I said, my tone clearly frustrated. You’d be surprised at how often men in L.A. thought women were for hire.

 ‘Oh darling, I didn’t think you were.’ I turned to face him and relaxed at the sincerity in his expression, ‘I was merely wondering who you were, seeing as you’re not the bartender I hired to start tonight.’

 That made me pause. Not the bartender he hired? That meant this was Lucifer, Maze’s boss who was also the devil. I pursed my lips, giving him another glance over. I suppose it made sense for the devil to be so sexy, right? I mean, who wouldn’t want to dabble with their darkest desires if the guy asking looked like that?

 ‘Excuse me, I’m not sure how I feel about you sexually objectifying me so openly,’ his teasing tone snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see the dark smirk on his face, ‘actually, yes I am, I love it—please continue.’ He winked.

 I rolled my eyes, ‘I wasn’t mentally undressing you, but I was just questioning my lack of surprise at the devil being so attractive.’

 He blinked in surprise for a moment, before his signature smirk appeared. Although, he seemed delighted this time.

 ‘You know, despite my sincerity over the topic, most don’t believe that I am who I say I am.’ He said, leaning further forward on the bar. I stayed where I was, leaning against the back counter with my arms crossed over my chest.

 ‘That’s because most humans are ignorant to the existence of entities and beings that are more powerful than them. That, and your existence adheres to another world that most people aren’t willing to accept exists.’ I shrugged as if it were obvious, which to me it was. Just because I was more open minded than most, I couldn’t deny that I understood the simplicity of ignorance.

 ‘You’re an interesting little thing, aren’t you?’ he said. I didn’t know what it was, but something in his tone made me want to squirm.

 ‘Do you do that all the time, or am I just special?’ I sighed, pulling the hair tie out of my hair and putting it back around my wrist. I ran my fingers through my hair, holding back a groan of pleasure at the feeling after having it tied up for so long.

 ‘Do what?’ he asked. I didn’t notice the way his eyes lingered on my hair, or how my expression relaxed now my hair was free and no longer giving me headache.

 ‘Put a sexual implication behind everything you say?’ I clarified, genuinely curious. I took his empty glass and moved to refill it, continuing the conversation as I did, ‘I mean, is that a devil thing or a Lucifer thing?’

 His head tilted to the side in what appeared to be amused confusion, ‘well I’m both of those titles, so I’m not sure I know what you mean.’

 I laughed, conceding that he had a point, ‘I mean that everyone has aspects that make up their personality. The devil is a part of who you are, but in some ways isn’t it a separate person all together? I mean there has to be things that you had to do as the devil that you didn’t necessarily enjoy, or even want to do, but you have to because it’s expected of you, right? At least when you were in hell punishing people for their sins.’ I attempted to explain, my attention on pouring some water for myself as I spoke, having already handed him his drink, ‘so… is you putting sexual implications behind everything you say because you, Lucifer Morningstar, are a sexual person, or because you think it’s expected of you as the devil? Because I’d imagine it’s hard to separate, seeing as you were Lucifer before you were the devil, but then you’ve been the devil for so long too, so it’s understandable that those different parts of you would merge and intermingle to a point that a whole new you, a whole new Lucifer is created. Am I making any sense?’

 I took a sip of my water and finally looked at him—I couldn’t hold back a blush at the look of awe that was on his face. I cleared my throat and placed my glass onto the bar, idly wondering when I’d moved closer to him as I tried not to spill my drink with my suddenly shaking hand.

 ‘Did I say something wrong?’ I asked, my forehead wrinkling in concern.

 He cleared his throat, ‘no, you didn’t, I’m just surprised.’

 ‘At my ability to blabber about something that absolutely none of my business?’ I chuckled, hoping he wasn’t offended, ‘just tell me to shut up, it’s fine.’

 ‘No, no, I admire your honesty, actually. I was just taken aback by your understanding.’ He admitted quietly.

 ‘How do you mean?’ I frowned, taking another drink of my water.

 ‘Most people immediately dismiss the devil as evil and as someone who delights in the pain and misfortune of others.’ He explained.

 I felt myself soften at the vulnerable look on his face, and had to stop myself from climbing over the bar and onto his lap to hug him. Instead I settled for placing my hand gently on top of the one he was staring it. I offered him a soft smile when he looked up to meet my gaze.

 ‘Those people probably haven’t been educated about the true story. Most people just hear God and associate it with heaven, and hear Devil and immediately think of Hell.’ I looked down at my hand on top of his is I thought, ‘if they knew the real story, I’m sure they’d think differently. And if they still didn’t, will then that’s their own stupidity and ignorance holding them back from empathy and understanding.’

 He chuckled and I was pleased to see the despair disappear from his expression to be replaced with mirth. I slowly withdrew my hand, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, but I couldn’t deny that I missed his warmth when I started polishing glasses.

 ‘You, my dear are…’ he trailed off and I offered him a look when he didn’t continue. He simply chuckled and asked, ‘so are you going to tell me your name?’

 ‘Y/N Y/L/N.’

 His eyes sparkled and his grin became less seductive and more… happy. So happy, that I couldn’t help but be dazzled by his genuine beauty for a moment, before I became confused.

 ‘Lucifer Morningstar, pleased to meet you.’ He held out his hand and I offered him my own, fighting the urge to close my eyes at his warm touch. But I startled when he flipped my arm so he could read the inside of my wrist, where my soulmate tattoo was.

 Samael.

 His expression gave nothing away, but he ran his thumb gently over it before releasing me and downing the rest of his drink.

 I opened my mouth, but he cut me off before I could speak, which I was actually relieved about, because I didn’t have a clue what was going to come out of my mouth.

 ‘It’s been a pleasure, Y/N. I’ll be seeing you around darling.’ He offered me a smile that made my breath catch and then he was gone.

 ‘Y/N?’ Maze’s voice snapped me out of the staring contest I was having with the chair he’d been sitting in, ‘what happened?’

 ‘I, ugh, just met Lucifer.’ I said, my voice sounding more sure than I was.

 /Three Months Later/

 ‘Is Lucifer here?’ I looked over to see a slender blonde woman with blue eyes. She was dressed in a dark blue pantsuit with a pale pink blouse. I wondered if it was just me who could tell she was a cop with a glance. This must be the infamous Chloe Decker.

 ‘Haven’t seen him, but you’re more than welcome to wait in the V.I.P booth. He’s the only one that uses it and you’re less likely to get groped over there.’ I told her, pouring her an ice water and tying a plastic golden coloured bracelet around her wrist. Lucifer was the only one allowed in there without a wristband, seeing as he owned the club and the bouncers knew his face by now.

 ‘That would be great, thanks.’ She said, clearly taken aback by my kindness.

 I gestured the bouncer, Eric, over and had him escort her to the booth. It was pretty packed tonight, and it was easier for a six-foot Caucasian man to wade through the crowd than it would be for her.

 ‘Just give me a wave if you need a refill on your water and I’ll have someone bring one over to you.’ I smiled and offered a wave as she was led away.

 ‘I don’t like her.’ Maze’s blunt voice sounded in my ear. I turned my head, unsurprised to see her standing right next to me.

 ‘Why?’ I wondered, continuing the conversation as I served a few other customers.

 ‘Because, she has Lucifer walking on egg shells to prove to her that he is who he says he is.’ Maze said, her voice cracking like a whip through the air, ‘she’s seen time stop, him throw someone through a glass pane with minimal effort and saw him walk away from a mad man with a gun unscathed. Why should he have to preform like a show pony to get her to accept the truth?’

 ‘He shouldn’t.’ I agreed with her, not liking detective Decker for that reason myself, ‘but he’ll only stop when and if he decides that he doesn’t need her validation.’

 ‘What do you mean?’ Maze asked, tossing me a bottle of tequila that I caught without looking.

 ‘I mean that she’s not the first to not believe him and he’s not cared with all those other people. So until he realizes he doesn’t need Chloe’s belief to validate who he is, he’s gonna carry on dancing like a show monkey for her.’

 ‘You’re right.’ Maze didn’t sound happy about it, ‘it’s just annoying. He was the devil before he met her, just because she won’t accept the truth, it doesn’t mean he’s not the ruler of the underworld anymore.’

 I sighed, running a hand through my hair in frustration, ‘am I the only one seeing the obvious here?’

 ‘Go on, tell me,’ she winked.

 ‘We both know there is one way he could convince her that she wouldn’t be able to dispute.’ I tossed her a bottle of vodka that she caught expertly, ‘the fact that he’s done just about everything else to convince her tells us what?’

 ‘Can you just tell me? I’d prefer if I didn’t have to think.’ She sighed.

 ‘He’s scared that he’s going to chase her away if he shows her his other form.’ I said, trying to keep the sadness from my tone, ‘he likes her.’

 Maze didn’t reply and I figured that meant that she wasn’t interested in the conversation topic anymore. So I carried on serving customers with a forced smile, trying to hold onto my patience with the drunken sleazy customers. Thankfully the night passed by rather quickly, and I managed it without staring at Chloe and Lucifer talking cozily in his V.I.P booth. Honestly, why was he so interested in her anyway? She was never going to be able to accept him for who he was, and he deserved someone that could do that.

 It was later, when we reached 2am, and we’d just kicked out the last customers—aside from Lucifer and Chloe who were still whispering in his booth—that I realized Maze had been interested in the topic, she was just waiting until she could grill me properly.

 ‘You like Lucifer.’ She said bluntly—typical Maze fashion.

 Caught off guard by her statement, the glass I’d been holding dropped to the floor with a crash as I squeaked, rather loudly, ‘what?’

 ‘Everything okay, darling?’ Lucifer asked, making my face colour a deep red. Thankfully, he couldn’t see it as I was behind the bar, gingerly picking up the pieces of broken glass, whilst ignoring the demon’s victorious smirk.

 ‘I’m fantastic, thanks Lucifer.’ I sighed, my tone less bright than I would’ve liked.

 ‘Well, that confirms what I already suspected.’ Maze grinned.

 ‘Fine, you’re right.’ I stood up, tossing the broken glass in the recycling bin, fighting the urge to look over into his booth, ‘but what does it matter? He’s infatuated with the cop.’

 ‘You’re an idiot.’ She shook her head and wondered off to collect glasses.

 I rolled my eyes, but was unable to hold back the fond smile that formed on my lips as I started counting up the cash. I’d just come up with my total when I noticed a certain blonde finally leaving the club.

 ‘What’s the matter darling?’ I jumped when I heard his voice right behind me and spun around, my hand going to my heart in an attempt to calm the racing beat.

 ‘You mean other than you scaring me to death?’ I questioned sarcastically, casually stepping around him and bagging up the money from tonight.

 ‘Don’t be so dramatic,’ he chuckled, leaning on the bar next to where I was working, ‘now what’s gotten you looking so forlorn?’

 ‘It’s nothing.’ I waved him off, surprised when he started to follow me to the safe, ‘how was your night?’

 ‘Dreadfully dull I’m afraid.’ He said, holding the door for the backroom open for me and winking when I smiled gratefully.

 ‘You looked like you were having a good time.’ I mumbled, annoyed at my inability to keep the sadness from my tone.

 He seemed oblivious to my tone however, ‘not really. Just going over the details of the latest murder case that I’ve heard about twenty times since yesterday. Detective Decker is a tad obsessive.’

 ‘I see.’ I sighed, closing the safe door with more force than necessary.

 ‘Y/N.’ The concern in his voice made me pause at the doorway, ‘please tell me what’s wrong.’

 ‘It’s stupid, Lucifer and I don’t want to bore you with the silly little details.’ I said sincerely. I had fallen for him, and it couldn’t be more obvious that he didn’t feel the same. I needed to work through my feelings on my own, and I didn’t want to bother him with them.

 A shot of warmth shot through my body when he placed a gentle hand to my shoulder to turn me around, ‘that’s the most absurd thing you’ve ever said, darling. I would never think your feelings are silly or insignificant. Now, tell me what’s troubling you.’

 ‘I-I,’ I sighed, looking away from his warm brown eyes that were full of concern, ‘I have feelings for you.’

 I took a step back after my admission, my hands coming to my face in shock—I just admitted that out loud!

 ‘That’s why I’ve been in a weird mood tonight, because seeing you with Chloe is hard for me, especially because she’s making you jump through hoops just to get her to believe that you are who you say you are, and you deserve better than that. You deserve to be accepted for who you are, and seeing your obvious infatuation for her just hurts—You know what? I’m just gonna go.’ I said a little breathless from my rambling. I turned and grabbed the doorknob, but Lucifer’s next works made me pause.

 ‘Before I was cast out to rule the underworld, I went by Samael.’

 My left hand went to my wrist, tracing over the name that decorated the skin. I turned around and walked over to him, taking his right hand in mine and mimicking the action he had done to me all those months ago to reveal his tattoo.

 Y/N.

 ‘You knew, when you saw my tattoo, you know.’ I whispered, looking up into his eyes that were filled with so much love and adoration I could feel my heart melting in my chest.

 ‘I did. I wanted to say something then, but I was in denial.’ He sighed running his left hand through his hair, his right hand still resting in my hold.

 ‘Why?’

 ‘Because, my dear, when I first saw you that night, I knew you were beautiful and after I talked to you, I knew you were empathetic, kind and understanding. Already you were completely out of my league, but I still wanted you to be mine, and when you told me your name, I’d hoped to see my name on your wrist.’ He smiled, cupping the side of my face tenderly, ‘when I did, I felt like I didn’t deserve you, I didn’t deserve to be loved in the unconditional way that I just knew you would love me.’

 ‘That’s exactly how I’m going to love you, Lucifer, because that’s how you deserve to be loved. I love that you’re the devil, because that’s a part of who you are, just like your kindness, your compassion and your strong morality are all parts of you.’ I told him my hands cupping either side of his face, my thumbs gently wiping away the tears that fell from his eyes.

 ‘I love you, Y/N.’ He whispered.

 ‘I love you too, Lucifer.’ I replied my hands lifting to tangle in his hair as he sealed his lips over mine. I was right—his hair was softer than I ever could have imagined.

 He kissed me gently, his hands falling to my hips to pull my body flush against his. I was powerless to stop myself from tugging on his hair when his hands glided to my ass, squeezing and enticing a moan from me.

 ‘Naughty girl.’ He smirked, lifting me so that I could wind my legs around his waist.

 ‘Shut up, like you’re one to talk.’ I countered, tugging on his hair and raising my brow when a sound that was a mixture of a groan and a growl fell from his mouth.

 ‘You make a good point darling.’ He chuckled, slanting his mouth over mine.

 This kiss was filled with so much passion that I was glad he’d picked me up, because my knees suddenly felt weak. As we continued to kiss, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed for the love I felt for him, and the love I could tell he felt for me. I felt it in his touch, in his kisses. I saw it in his eyes when he tenderly looked at me when we paused for breath. I heard it in his gentle murmurings as we spoke until early hours that morning. It shone out of him, like a beacon and when he informed me that one of the other names he used to go by was The Lightbringer, I found myself unsurprised. Light shone out of him in a way that was fiery, warm and unstoppable and I wondered how I had noticed this in his humor, compassion and even his seductive tones, but before tonight I’d never noticed his obvious love for me in his gaze. I wondered if it was the same for him. If before tonight, he hadn’t noticed my love for him, and now he found himself almost blinded by it. I hoped it stayed that way forever—that our shared love would continue to shine and flourish. Because that was how he deserved to be loved—unconditionally and in a way that was so obvious that he never had to question my love for him. I found a promise to myself, and to him, forming in my heart in that moment—to make sure he knew how loved he was at all times. And you can be damned sure that I would live up to that promise.

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[cr-darksienna]

hello hello! i’m here to bring you an idol group’s absolutely trash of a leader, rapper and vocal, jeong jaehyuk. he’s a jack of all trades, master of none with a bit of an anger streak and anger issues that he’s been learning over the years to handle. darkly charismatic and with a open history due to a big scandal that he had few months into riot’s debut, hyuk is a performer with a 150% effort and attitude, living like he can burn out in a single day and not live to see the next sunrise tomorrow. incorrigible, possessive and with a slightly petty streak, he’s not one to pull his punches (esp with his members) with anyone that offends him, though he’s been taming himself under bc’s watchful eye until more recently. call him a cesspool of moral filth or a festering pool of toxicity, he’s as deeply insecured behind his antagonistic nature, and has worked ten times as hard for 13 years in his company to get himself to where he kinda is in right now, neither here nor there, halted in his steps by a company that feels he’s not up to it due to his loose handle on emotions and a desperate attempt to quell down on the various scandals that knight has had.

his company has played into the image of the bad boy of the group for him, especially after his first (and only) scandal, and he plans to make the most of it, especially with the reins now loosened on his end. he’s spent quite the time being a tamed tiger, and isn’t going to hesitate upon wreaking havoc once he’s been let loosened.

do hit the like button if you’d like to plot with him, and i’ll pop into your discords / dms! hyuk’s a muse that i prefer brainstorming for instead of having plots ahead of time, so feel free to go ahead and throw anything in his direction when we discuss!

profile / background 

about stuff : (tw: abandonment, anger issues, violence)

he says he doesn’t have parents, which is partially true, considering he spent almost all of his life in the foster care system, until he aged out at 18. being bounced around from foster house to foster house in the adoption system didn’t do well for his own personality and view about himself, and he came away with a really bad anger streak and violent tendencies, especially when someone tries to poke him / agitates him.

if he wasn’t an idol, hyuk would have gone on to do some petty crimes, because prior to the age of 13 (when he was casted by bc for his face), he was sliding towards the dark side of the law, running from school, getting into street fights, doing little things that never set a juvenile record, but still wasn’t all that clean either.

he was casted one day when running away from school when he was 13 (his results needless to say were trash), and was offered a contract because of his face. his company was looking for someone with similar vibes to his own, and was willing to train him as long as he remained committed to the trainee path. he took up the offer with the insistence of his then foster mother--the orphanage’s owner, who honestly couldn’t wait to get rid of him, due to all the trouble he made.

so jaehyuk became a trainee just through a scrape of luck--his rapping skills were pretty okay, and so were his vocals, and bc felt as though they could polish him more if he did became a trainee, and so he started 13 years of his trainee life. being a trainee actually directed a lot of his excess energy from his angered self into his personal commitment to master a single thing--and he eventually became known amongst trainees as one of the most competitive, even if he wasn’t the best at what he did.

he was like a blackhole, constantly desperate to learn, and when he learned something, he was equally as desperate to master it, just doing things in the way that he knew how to do--and that was to knock on it until he either punched a hole through and understood it, or the door opened on itself for him. rapping became that particular outlet that he felt he moderately achieved some success with, but it wasn’t enough.

hungry for more he turned his eyes to producing, composing, even took acting classes and variety classes, just to fill that gaping hole of inadequacy that he felt made him out to be just not enough. while he knows he’s not the best, he’s proud of his unique vision for performance, and is pretty insistent about his artistic vision, which he gradually found a talent for.

but well. its not enough. he wanted--no he needed more.

and so when riot came and he became their leader by some crappy stroke of fate, he set what he felt was the lowest boundary  for all of their members : respect each other, give your best to all that you do for riot, if not, i will sock you in the face. from the beginning, hyuk was very clear that he wouldn’t be the best leader, because he knew he had more than enough flaws in himself, and even felt that he lacked the qualifications to be one, but since his own fate relied on riot being successful, he expected everyone else in the group to at the very least, treat it with the same respect and effort he does, because one way or another they’re all in this whole thing together.

funny thing is: a few months after their debut and their first scandal (that wasn’t his), he lands himself in hot water for a violence scandal, having punched a male bystander in anger. bc was chagrined enough to put him on notice and probation for a while, and desperate to claim back a bit of a credibility, a press conference was held for him to apologise publically.

hyuk abandoned his pride (for various personal reasons as well) that day and went on his hands and knees in front of the reporters, apologising for his scandal and promising to be a better person. unfortunately, that sealed quite a lot of opportunities for him from his company.

his company felt that he needed to get a better grip on his emotions and anger issues before coming out again to the public in other areas apart from his group, and so he wasn’t able to do any variety or act , or even produce any songs (he still wrote lyrics and produced for his group occasionally, and could still produce his own songs, but those songs he produced wouldn’t be selected for a solo), and so to pacify his company hyuk literally abstained from creating another scandal from himself (though he did still cause a bit of problems in his own group), and held himself back until much recently. apart from that, his company publically disclosed much of his history and background to the public--thus rendering it open knowledge that hyuk was an orphan (abandoned by his mother), and from the foster care system, with a slight history of not going well in school etc.

his image is not particularly clean and bright, instead he’s known for the nitty gritty stuff, of which most of his fans have taken to his bad boy image, liking to imagine him to a particular trope because of his apparently rather cute face.

some plot ideas:

he’s a lone wolf by nature, and so he has little (only 2) friends around him, unless you’re mostly from bc and have trained with him for a set amount and a good period of time. these are the people that know him the best, who sees past that angry battered child inside of him to the blackhole that’s yearning for approval and desperate to make himself feel whole again. they’ve seen his self destructive tendencies, watched him careen over the edge and violently fall, do things that he knows clearly isn’t good for him and then suffer the repercussions all over again. ( note: cannot be from his group..he probably doesn’t have a good relationship with most of the riot members)

exes, flings, fwbs : god, he has so many. none of them are consistent, and none of them last between a month to two months really. he simply treats them as if there’s no option of anything further beyond just the wrestle of bodies in bedsheets, and the fierce scratch of his nails against their backs. more often than not, its not him that gets hurt, because he has the tendency to leave before anything further happens. has he fallen for any of them before? probably not. only one, really. don’t get your hopes up, he tells them with a cigarette dangling from his lips and puffs of smoke in the air. because he’s just nothing but the biggest jerk when it comes to feelings and relationships.

the bad influence: he does a lot of vices, from smoking to drinking, to just..a lot of things that most people won’t attempt to try, chasing after that fleeting moment of a thrill and desire. perhaps you’re looking for a kindred spirit who likes the thrill of danger as you do, or you’d like him to spoil you for the worse things in life, open a door to destroy and ruin you completely just like he feels that he’s done to himself.

rivals: ...yeah i don’t think i need to say more, because he’s someone that rises up to the challenge so fully and completely its almost as if he’s itching to have a fight or a challenge. perhaps he’s punched you before, or you differ in your philosophies and values, one way or another, it’s hyuk’s fault that he’s offended you, and you’re both just going to go down because of it.

connection:

the girl he’s in love with (possibly his endgame ; arnd 26 yrs old?) : an idol from a group as well, she’s one of his few closest friends, and he’s known her for around 13 years. they have a on & off friends with benefits thing, with him meeting her after she left his company for 10 years. he’s the one she always gravitates to back again, and they’re equally, broken, twisted and carnal--that’s why they’re perfect for each other, since they’re the only ones that can take and survive each other.

[irwinkitten]

alpha’s and omega | poly!kayshton

notes: i really am not sorry for this one at all. @sexgodashton​ has her wonderful A/B/O!sos going on and she got an ask about what the poly!kayshton dynamic would be. Combined with what she replied to the anon with vs what i sent her in a text because both of us are absolute trash for this ship, with her permission, i took the idea and literally two hours and 3k later this exists. enjoy. again, don’t like it? don’t read it. warnings: smut word count: 3k lets all accept that i’m never gonna be able to write something small for this ship.

donate to my ko-fi here

- 

The first meeting is always the most important. It’s the one that they denied each other because they both presented as Alphas. 

When they found that spark, it was undeniable. 

At first they’d hidden, inside of the backlash they would receive. Fans had thought nothing of Kaykay spending time with Ashton, the belief that two Alphas mating being impossible.

They’d slipped up one night, both of their ruts possessive and dominating, the carnal instinct to mark one another overwhelming everything else. 

 At that point, they were in love and didn’t care. They had each other despite how rare it was. It was their little bubble. 

And then the floodgates opened when they’d announced their mating to the world, fans and friends alike scathing in their comments and harsh words. 

“Another alpha? Could she be any more selfish?” 

“Did it have to be her? Anyone else would be better.”

“Isn’t there supposed to be a submission to one of them? How would that work? They can’t be together.”

When Ashton had returned home to find his beautiful, bold and stubborn mate curled up in tears, he felt his hatred towards the world for their judgement. With each tear he wiped off her face, he felt his anger at their words. With every sob that he soothes with gentle tones, he wanted to fight back. 

But Kaykay wouldn’t let him. She knew how fighting back could damage much more than their reputations. It would hurt his career. 

“We’ve done enough damage as it is. Don’t make this worse, please.” Her pleading tone and big eyes had him caving in seconds. He could never deny her. 

“We’ll get through it.” 

But having to hide from their friends, despite their obvious marks, they were unhappy. They loved each other, no one could deny that. But there was no joy anymore since her tears. 

Days out turned into secret getaways, weeks off turned into becoming reclusive so they didn’t face the backlash of any media. 

There were small mercies of understanding with his band and their families. At least, their immediate families. They knew the urge to claim, to mark was overpowering. And they had a safe space from the harsh words and dirty looks. 

But it was exhausting. 

—

It’d been an easy day for you, trying to get things finished up so you were able to get through your heat in semi peace. You tracked the days between almost religiously and despite cutting it close this time, you’d not managed to take the time off work beforehand. 

It left you scrambling to get what you needed so you wouldn’t have to face any unmated Alphas in the middle of your heat. The last thing you wanted was one of them taking full advantage of you that wasn’t in control. 

So when you ran into someone, their steady hands gripping you so you didn’t hit the floor, your body reacted and you inwardly sighed. 

Yet another Alpha. 

But lifting your gaze, lips ready to apologise, your voice was stolen at the sight of the dark haired vixen in front of you, your eyes unable to leave her face, studying every bit of it as if she were about to disappear. 

Her hands never left your arms and you couldn’t find it within yourself to push her off, partially wondering if you’d finally met your mate. 

Then you spotted the mark on her neck and your heart sank. But you continued to drink her in. You knew that if she had someone good, she wouldn’t reject that mark for you. 

“Sweetheart, what drove you to run full speed at the paps before disappearing?” A breathless male came into your view and your mind clicked into place what your heart was screaming at you. 

Not mate. But mates. Both of them. 

His own gaze held yours and you fought the urge to back down, to bare your neck to them both. 

“That answer your question, love?” She breathed in return and the side of you that was begging you to submit to them both wanted to melt at her voice. 

“But—how?” The words finally left your lips before a wave of questions started to get closer. The vixen holding you grimaced before turning to the dark haired male, his own features marred with a frown. 

“Here isn’t the right place. Not with vultures. Reckon we could make it to the riverside?” She asked him and he glanced behind him, almost calculating before his eyes returned to you. 

“Do you have a car nearby, sweetheart? I’d rather you not have to be faced with those vultures so soon after meeting you.” And you flashed them both a cheeky grin. 

“It’s around the corner. C’mon.” You took the hand of the dark haired vixen and she followed you willingly, your mate following quickly behind. Your car was small and nifty, but it did the job. 

You didn’t expect the soft moan from the beauty beside you as you pulled away in the car, keeping as far from the hoard that appeared around the corner as you could. 

“So despite helping my mates’ getaway, I would quite like to actually know your names.” To other Alpha’s the comment would’ve been borderline rude. But their eyes lit up at your attitude. 

“Kaykay.” Came from your vixen. 

“Ashton.” Followed on from your dark haired third. 

You couldn’t help think that they suited their names well as you gave them yours. 

“Where am I heading? Because as much as instinct is telling me to hurry the fuck up, I don’t want to crash and I don’t want to get marked in my car.” A groan erupted from Ashton. 

“God you’re gonna kill us both.” He whispered before pulling in a dark breath, his fingers gripping the seat in front. Kaykay’s hands were gripping her thighs tightly. 

“Still doesn’t answer my question.” You fired back and a growl escaped, earning your first act of submission. 

“We can head back to ours. No unmated alphas and we might actually be able to talk before anything else.” He muttered, earning a snort from you and a sigh from Kaykay. 

He was careful with his directions, and you kept your hands clamped on the wheel to stop yourself from leaning back to touch him or leaning over to touch her. 

It was driving you wild. 

When you reached their home, for a moment, instinct settled in deference to the awe that swept through your body at their home. It was beautiful.

But despite the beauty that made you want to explore the home and gardens that surrounded it, your impatient mate had taken a firm hold of your hand, her eyes flickering to Ashton before you, and pulling you towards the house, making you laugh. 

“Impatient much.” You teased her, but there was a side that was creeping up and you were almost certain that if one of them marked you in that moment, it would trigger your heat that was already so close to the surface. 

“You’ll understand why. Now c’mon.” The petulant whine made you grin as you followed dutifully behind her, your senses suddenly overwhelmed with the scent that was them. 

Ashton was immediately behind you, his hands and body steadying you as you stumbled back, your eyes closed as a soft moan escaped your lips. 

“Soon, little mate. But we need to explain, help you understand.” His words were promising, helping you ground yourself before they guided you into the living room. 

It was open and spacious, the couches large enough that it would comfortably fit ten people with space to spare. A sliver of entry rushed through you before instinct squelched it down viciously. 

Kaykay was firm about having you in her lap, her hands around your waist as her nose buried itself into your neck. You tried not to react to it, but with her so close to the spot, you were fighting a losing battle until Ashton settled next to her, draping your legs over his lap. 

They way you were sat would’ve been comical if it wasn’t for the fact that both of these Alpha’s wore serious expressions. 

“We mated about eight months ago. At first we couldn’t  understand it. Two Alpha’s being mated is almost unheard of.” Ashton started off. You nodded in understanding at his words. 

“We both fell into our ruts at the same time.” Kaykay’s voice was quiet and you understood the implications of her words. 

“You couldn’t fight instinct.” It wasn’t a question, but she nodded her head at the statement. 

“It caused a lot of problems for the both of us. Especially with Ashton’s career. With us being so public, it’s dangerously easy for fans and the media alike to pry where they’re not wanted or needed.” Her words were scathing and your hand reached up to rest on her cheek. 

“It’s no one's business but yours, well, ours now, I guess.” You watched her eyes light up at your words, Ashton’s own features lifting up into an easier smile. He carried on. 

“We’ve been wondering if we were missing something. We’re mated, in love. Living life. But neither of us have been happy. It’s been such a battle to deal with the same people that insult us behind our backs.” You frowned. 

“Regardless of how it started, you’re both mine.” The snapped words of possessiveness was not something you’d expected, but the thought of them hurting drove a splint into your heart, making your chest ache for them. 

Your words had a profound effect on Kaykay, a moan falling from her lips as she pressed them where you knew her mark was going to be. 

“Please. I can’t take this anymore.” Her plea was something you hadn’t expected and you could feel the heat pool in your belly, your arousal flooding the room. 

“Please.” You finally whimpered, giving into the demand that had been driving your body and mind insane.

Her nose brushed the spot that had you tilting your head to the opposite side. Her lips mouthed the area, almost as if she were some sort of lioness, mailing her food before you felt her teeth sink into your skin and your body just sang. 

“Fuck.” You whimpered and you could feel the clawing desire run rampant through your body, earning a wide eyed look from Ashton. 

“Mine. Ours.” Kaykay murmured against your skin before her nose identified the change in scent.

“I was close to my heat as it was.” You whimpered out, the almost agonising feeling rushing through you. Kaykay was quick to have you straddling her, your hips rocking into her to try and find any form of relief. 

And then Ashton presses in behind you. 

“I need you to stand up little mate. You’ll get our knots I promise but the clothes need to come off.” His voice was husky and demanding enough that the need to obey overwhelmed your desire enough to follow his order. 

Their hands were all over you as they pulled off the clothing, uncaring of the living room. You couldn’t even find yourself to care that it was in their living room. You were needy and desperate. And willing. 

Ashton pressed up behind you and his hand wrapped around, fingers sliding into you with ease, making you whimper in return. 

“Alpha please.” Your whine has his fingers beginning to work you, slowly adding in a third finger which had you panting for more. 

You watched as Kaykay knelt up on the sofa, coaxing Ashton to step you forward, despite your jelly legs. You could see her own arousal slowly building, the thought of her knot in you pushing you closer to the first edge that you were barely hanging onto with Ashton’s fingers working you so well. 

And then her fingers joined and you let out a keen whine. 

“Cum little omega. Show us how good we make you feel.” Ashton’s demand caused your body to obey, a strangled noise escaping as your legs trembled through your orgasm, coating both of their hands in your cum. 

Kaykay used her fingers to slide and collect your juices, her fingers wrapping around her own arousal that had your mouth watering, her fingers building herself up as you watched in awe of her. 

“Isn’t it so pretty, little omega? All for you. To knot you and breed you like a bitch in heat.” His words snapped something inside of you and you pushed Kaykay’s shoulders so that she was sat back on the sofa once more. 

You sank down onto her knot slowly, your mind clouding over as you felt Ashton’s tip stretching you, and you whined as he slowly moved. 

The stretch made you wince, you’re breathing heavy as Kaykay held you tightly. 

“It’s okay little mate. Say something if it’s too much.” But your voice couldn’t say anything. The stretch was uncomfortable with both of them, but god the feeling of both of them was driving you to insanity. 

“Move. Please.” You finally gasped out. Kaykay moved first and your eyes rolled back, head resting on Ashton’s shoulder. 

The desire came clawing back, and you rocked your hips slightly, indicating you were fine. It took some timing, but they found a pace that worked for all three of you. 

Your mind was growing hazy as they worked you, a second orgasm washing over you with no warning, your walls tightening around them and earning a growl from both of them. 

“Gonna get both our knots little omega. Both of us are breeding you. Is that what you want? To be filled with us?” Ashton’s words worked wonders as the rhythm changed again and you could tell they were both close. Kaykay came first, the knot expanding as Ashton followed seconds later, the feeling of both of them buried in you sending you through your final orgasm as Ashton’s teeth marks you on the opposite side to Kaykay’s. 

It takes some deft manoeuvring on Ashton’s part to get the three of you comfortably lay on the couch, pressing together as your mind tried to wrap itself around the new bond you had with them. 

“Sleep for now little omega. We’ll try and get stuff done in between keeping you satisfied.” Ashton hummed, his fingers gently tracing his mark. 

Your body relaxed into their touch, satisfied in that moment that you were full of both of them and they’d claimed you so soon. 

— 

When your heat had passed, you felt different. It was like you’d managed to integrate yourself so easily into their daily routine.

But now that your heat was finished and you’d marked them both in return, unwilling to even let one person judge your bond with them, it felt right. 

When you’d marked them both, it had been various times. You’d marked Kaykay first in return, cornering her in shower when she tried to tease you. She hadn’t minded, the result meaning that she was knotted firmly in you and you’d practically become her limpet. Ashton had laughed himself hoarse at the two of you settled on the bed, still damp from the shower. But he understood. 

You’d gotten Ashton the following day, sat on the counter just talking whilst he cooked. When the food was plated up, he’d stepped between your legs to rest against you, just needing the excuse to touch you whilst the bond was still fresh. 

But your heat had surged forward and the need combined with instinct had driven you to pull him closer and mark him. He hadn’t expected it and Kaykay still grins every time your fingers danced across your mark on him. 

You were certainly not what they expected in their lives but you were everything they needed. 

When the first rumours started to pop up, so did the nasty comments. Comments that seemed to slide off your shoulders because you knew that these comments were likely from the same people who’d brought them sadness. 

It wasn’t something you tolerated and they’d witnessed you berate a journalist in the middle of the street when they’d tried to harass them for an interview. 

That was when people started noticing the second marks on their necks. 

Their families had already been introduced to you, the sharp wit and sass to match falling sideways when you met their immediate families. Kaykay has teased you, asking where her brass pup had gone and you’d gotten so flustered by the term of endearment that you’d spilt your drink down you. 

Ashton had gotten a kick out of that. 

But for both of them, they’d been worried about your reaction to the press, to the intrusion. But by the time you’d moved in with them, barely a month after mating, it didn’t bother you. 

It was when Ashton found himself laughing more as you fooled around on the floor with Kaykay, that it truly struck him that you were their missing piece those first eight months. 

The both of them smiled more, and he was never as tense. Touring was still difficult, but it didn’t feel like a weight on his chest that was demanding him back home. 

His arms opened to catch you as you launched at him, grinning at your pout. 

“I really thought I’d catch you off guard then.” Your grumble made him grin as his lips pressed against yours gently. 

“I think I can confidently say that when it comes to you two, that is never gonna happen again.” And at the combined laughter from the two of you, peace settled in his body. 

-

if you wanna be in a specific poly!kayshton taglist, just hmu

@sexgodashton​, @loveroflrh​, @converse-luke​, @wokeupinjapanisabop​, @cashtonasfuck​, @iovehemmings​, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @tobefalling​, @cal-puddies​, @itjustkindahappenedreally​, @hemmingsmendess​

[forkanna]

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

NOTE:  The beginning of this chapter hits a little harder than it did when I wrote it, because my own grandparent is in ill health of late. That's partially what's been complicating my life. I promise I will post fanfics other than this one very soon - including a certain one a certain fandom has been clamoring for.

------

"Grandma? What do you do when you feel like life is over?"

The elderly proprietor of Marukyu smiled, even if she didn't turn away from the stove. Rise tried not to think too hard about all the new wrinkles that were forming around the corners of her eyes, how much slower she walked than she did before Rise took off for fame and fortune. Those thoughts didn't bring any joy to anyone. Might as well focus on the positives.

"What on Earth are you talking about, Ri-chan? You are still so young. You have many years ahead of you, you should not be thinking about such things yet."

"I… can't help it." She tried to turn her thoughts aside from actual mortality and toward her situation with her classmate. "A friend I really like is fighting with me, and I don't know what to do. I think- no, I know I hurt her feelings on accident. But she's really hurt and she thinks I did it on purpose."

"Hm? What could you have done, dear mago? You are so young, I'm sure it was nothing."

What could she say? How was she supposed to tell her kindly old grandmother that she might not be entirely straight, her friend might not be entirely female, and their relationship might not be entirely platonic? The woman was very traditional, even if she very rarely had an unkind word to say about anyone.

"I told a secret to a friend. Another friend, I mean. And I thought I could trust her with it, but I know now I shouldn't have told her at all… because the whole school found out, and the first friend is embarrassed."

Her grandmother laughed as she lifted a block of silken tofu from the box in which it had been setting, placing it on the counter to be cut into smaller pieces. Rise fell to work right away, since this was her job at the moment as sous-chef. "Ri-chan, it is not something to worry about, I can assure you. These things happen. But if you don't talk to your friend, don't try to work things out, you will regret it later in life. I promise you that, as well."

That, she could absolutely believe. "Yeah. She's just so angry, I don't know what to say to her. Is there anything I can say? Or should I just keep letting her know I want to talk and let her be the one to come to me? I don't know what to do!"

"Ahhhhh, yes, I can understand your concern there. It is like… playing go." They both chuckled, because the raw soybean liquid she was now straining to make the milk base for tofu was also pronounced "go", even though she was referring to the board game. "You are worried what every move you make will be the wrong one. To give up too much territory would be a costly mistake. But to do nothing is the worst move of them all. Then you will have not played, and you have already lost."

"But I…" That was hard to argue with. If she didn't lift a finger at all, she would lose Ai. Sure, if she risked it all she could still lose her, but they were better odds than giving up now. "Y-yeah. Thanks, Grandma."

"Of course. And I know, it must sound silly from an old lady like me, saying your troubles are so small. I know to you, they seem like mountains. But looking back from the mountain I stand on now, they were the foothills. You'll see someday."

Slumping, she set the knife down now that the tofu had been sliced into portions. "If I live that long…"

"RISE!" Suddenly she was being whacked with a spoon, and she ducked and covered her head. "Don't talk like that! You will have a long and healthy life, or I will send you right back to this world to try again! Do you understand?"

"Yes, Grandma," she said with a little bow. Even though she was smiling. So what if her parents were idiots? She had family; she wasn't alone. Sometimes life gives you exactly what you need — no more, no less.

                                            ~ o ~

However, what Rise had not been given was a plan of attack. And the longer she tried to think about it, tried to come up with something to put into play the next day, the more she continued to come up blank. So she decided to focus on practicing her vocals. The exercises were second nature by now, but she was still so rusty after only occasionally singing over the past year. Getting back into the game meant all parts of it, not just the "fun" ones.

Nothing happened the next day at school. Literally nothing. She did try to seek out Ai a few times, just in case they could smooth over the unpleasantness after she had her single petty act of revenge. Maybe that was it. Maybe they could be friends again, if she apologised… but Ai was either skipping, or very artfully avoiding her at all turns. She never saw her once, and she wasn't even responding to her texts or voicemails. Ghosted.

That evening, after dinnertime, she came calling around the Ebihara residence. But the woman who answered told her they weren't receiving guests. Probably a maid, but it also could have been a secretary of some sort. It definitely wasn't Ai's mother…

Thursday seemed like it would be much the same as the last. Unfortunately, an incident toward the end of the day interrupted an otherwise dull existence. Rise had been hoping for something like that — until it happened, and made her eat her wish.

"Attention, please!" called Noriko Kashiwagi in her throaty purr, crossing her arms to prop up her breasts and put them even more on display. Rise had long ago become desensitised to her teacher's little inappropriate displays, but that didn't mean she wasn't far more comfortable in Ms. Sofue's classroom, despite her Egyptian headdress. At least she didn't behave as if she were auditioning for a porno. "Mmm, yes, all eyes on me, class! All eyes on me!"

"Ugh," Kanji muttered from behind her. "No thanks, old bag." Rise tried not to snort.

"That's better. Now… would anyone care to explain this?"

She held up a manilla folder. An empty manilla folder. One of the girls in the front row raised her hand, and the teacher pointed to her. "Is… it's a folder, right?"

"It is. And there was supposed to be something in there. Would anyone care to guess what?" Dead silence. "The answers to yesterday's quiz. But it seems they walked off. Now, if some young, strapping boy would like to come forward and… reveal himself, maybe a little detention with me can straighten him right up."

While she was chuckling in way too flirtatious a tone than was appropriate, making most of the class wonder if they should be reporting her, Rise was glancing around the room, trying to see if she could spot the perpetrator. Not that she knew what to look for exactly; Naoto would have been the one with that skill set, and she wasn't in that class. But she couldn't help idly speculating anyway.

"No one? Very well. I will give you until the end of this class, or you will all be serving detention if the culprit doesn't come forward." When the predictable grumbling broke out, she raised her voice a little to say, "But! Confess your sins, and I may be more lenient! Now take out your books, we must get started."

"Shit," Kanji grumbled under his breath as the students rushed to obey. None of them were coming forward, but none of them wanted to get in trouble for something else either. "That gross old lady is gonna find some way to pin this on one of us. I just know it."

"Would you relax?" Rise hissed under her breath, glancing back at him as she opened her book. "She probably just misplaced it while she was too busy thinking about new ways to make the boys in her class feel uncomfor-huh?"

She cut off when she felt a page slide over her fingers in a way that wasn't natural. Looking down, she saw a piece of paper fluttering to the floor. Did somebody toss it onto her desk? No, it was much more likely it had been tucked in the pages of her book and fallen out when she opened it. Brow furrowing, she stooped to pick it up.

And her heart stopped. It didn't take her more than a couple of seconds to figure out what she was looking at.

"What's that?" asked one of the boys. She had barely looked up at him when everybody else was craning their neck, trying to see. Instinctively, she drew away, even though she would later regret doing so.

"Miss Kujikawa, do you have something you care to share with the class?"

"Oh. Well… yes, Miss Kashiwagi, this fell out of my textbook."

The woman slunk through the classroom toward her. Really, she started to think she ought to get a phone set up somewhere to grab video of the audacity of this cougar! She snatched the page out of her hand, stared at it… and her eyebrows shot up.

"This is it. The answer key." A ripple of gasps spread throughout the room, followed by hushed whispering. "Oh… but why would you need this, Kujikawa? Your grades have been consistently splendid."

"I… I didn't take it, I promise! It was just there already — I've never seen that before in my life!"

Noriko shook her head and tsked. "My, my, such acting skills. Not that I'm surprised, Risette. I would say that you must have been stealing the answers all along and that's why your grades are so high, but… this is the first time an answer key has gone missing."

"Miss Kashiwagi," Kanji put in suddenly, "come on, that's crap." Rise saw the teacher flinch at his disrespectful coarseness, and was thankful he pushed ahead immediately afterward. "Why the hell would she put that somewhere as stupid as her book if she was trying to cheat? Nobody's that dumb."

"Or careless," the teacher agreed with a long sigh, staring down at the page thoughtfully. For a long few seconds that had Rise's stomach twisting into knots. "Kujikawa, I'll supervise while you retake the test after school. If you score an above average grade on it, no cheating, I will choose to believe this somehow found its way into your book by mistake and we will forget the whole thing. But I had better not see you pull anything like this again, understand?"

The pop idol deflated somewhat. She had really been hoping the teacher would just believe her outright, and she wasn't thrilled at the idea of having to retake a test for no good reason. But all she said aloud was, "Yes, sensei."

"Mm. Now, if any of you choose to admit to a little prank on Kujikawa, you can raise your hand now, or see me after class. Where I can punish you suitably."

If only she didn't add that sinister chuckle as she walked back to her desk, hips swaying too much to be accidental…

"What the hell?" Kanji hissed to her as the teacher began to give their lesson for the day in earnest. "You didn't do it, right?"

"No, I didn't."

"Then how'd that thing get into your book? It was in your bag before you even walked into class."

Jaw setting as she stared through the blackboard, Rise growled, "Oh… I have a pretty good idea."

                                            ~ o ~

This time, Ai was lying in wait like a supervillain in her lair — even if it was just on the roof. Rise was already shaking her head and clapping as she walked up to her.

"Thank you, thank you." She even took a little bow before raising up to smirk devilishly at her. "And I'm sure you're pissed but trying to put on that brave face."

"You think this is tatemae? No, no. You're getting the real Rise, live and in colour."

"Sure, okay, whatever. But you must be here because of my little gift."

Rise leaned her elbows against the ledge, staring out over Inaba through the fence. Just sighing and thinking. Ai regarded her warily; she could see as much out of the corner of her eye. But she didn't say anything further as she waited for the response.

"It didn't feel good."

"That's it?" she snorted. "Wow."

"It didn't. Because you were my friend, and I miss you, and… I don't want to fight. Doesn't matter, though; I know I really messed up, and you're mad. And I can't change that; maybe… I can't ever change it. But does it have to go down like this? Really?"

Ai's tone wasn't as jovial now. She was still ice cold, not betraying any pain or rage. "Yes."

"Fine. But now it's my turn to let you know something."

"And what might that be? Please, Risette, bless me with your tiny little thoughts."

Rise spun to glare at her. "Oh, there it is. You think I'm small-minded, huh? Because I didn't know how to handle this from the beginning. Well I guess I was. But don't you think this is a pretty childish way to react? Trying to embarrass me, get me kicked out of school?"

"You mean the way you almost got me kicked out of school? Which could still happen, you know; I fooled them once, but what if I slip up? Or you slip up again? Could still come crashing down around me. I'm used to shitty rumours circulating about me, y'know; these rumours are just new and unwelcome because they could mean the end of life as I know it. Hell, you could still just out me again more publicly, and then I'd be royally fucked. But I'm going to force your hand." She took a step closer, glowering down into her eyes. "I am going to push, and prod, and ruin, and unravel, until you either have to kick my ass, leave in defeat, or out me on purpose. You could do that, you know; it's always been on the table. But you really think you're a good person under all that fame and stardom and self-involvement."

Rise burst out laughing, biting as the sound was. "Whoa, whoa, amazing! You're sitting there, calling me vain again! YOU! I thought we already did this one."

Ai rolled her eyes. They were both drawn tight as bowstrings as they tried to navigate this situation, being so close to a person that had been everything in their eyes once. Rise knew she still felt that way. She only could guess whether or not her feelings remained requited, despite this feud.

"Fine. Then your days are numbered. I promise I'm going to be so happy when you're dragged off your pedestal, cutie."

"Sure," she snorted. "Because we both know that's not true."

"Oh, it's not?"

"No. You still love me." Even while Ai let out a blast of harsh laughter, Rise pushed ahead. "And I still love you. So you doing this to me? It's only going to be a bad look for one of us."

Ai's dark smile finally faded into a blank look. "I didn't think you would admit it. Wow, I really wrapped you around my finger, didn't I?"

Rise felt that. She saw the glimmer of hope, she knew she had to grasp it. But with Ai dead set on her current path, she didn't know how. So she simply whispered, "I will do whatever you want. Okay? Anything to make it up to you. I already would. But you have to act like I'm not a monster first, just… give me something to grab onto. Tell me how to be better."

Ai frowned, brow creasing the tiniest bit. She leaned closer, and Rise felt her heart leap into her throat — amazed this was going to happen, here, on the school roof where anyone could see them! Her eyes began to slide closed…

But before they were shut, she saw the smirk and her heart was already sinking. The writing was on the wall. Words weren't necessary; all they did was pour salt in the wound Ai had already ripped freshly open.

"You can't be better, because you can't be me."

Then she strutted confidently off toward the stairwell, leaving a bruised and battered survivor on the battlefield. Even if Rise wasn't the victor, nor had she died; it was something of an emotional break-even. But she would need a while to recover from the skirmish regardless. Anyone would have.

                                            ~ o ~

It took Rise until she was already walking home from school, a successful retake of a test she hadn't cheated on already under her belt, to realise the silver lining of all these events. The temptation to be so unbelievably furious with Ai was strong, as was the painful longing for release — to give up, to either forget about Ai forever or just retaliate to give her what she seemed to want. The idol didn't know what to do but she felt like doing nothing wasn't acceptable.

But eventually, as she was staring into the rippling water of the Fuefuki, it came to her. Clarity. The realisation that there was a flipside to just how ardently her former friend was pursuing this line of vengeance.

"Ohhh," she breathed softly with a slowly widening smile. Bittersweet though it was. "I get it. That's really sad… but I get it now."

Unfortunately, nobody was around to hear this revelation, so she didn't tell anyone. Not yet. That was something she could keep in her back pocket for a little while longer.

                                            To Be Continued…