#i feel like im confessing a crime or something...

[virusnightfire]

i remember a few weeks ago acting so mad over lapidot art and people that shipped them 😭 they'd say its canon n shit and im like

recently im glad to say i am not an (evil conniving manipulator /ref) jealous hater..

[reidrum]

like i would | s.r

pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader

a/n: ok im gonna be honest idk how i feel about this one, i just wanted to finish it and put it out so apologies in advance if its not the best lol. this was requested with the prompt "i bet he can't fuck you like i can"! feedback and reblogs are always appreciated ! thanks for being paitent while i got this one out <3

cw: 18+ minors dni, smut, fingering, munch!spencer, jealous!spencer, unprotected p in v (wrap it before you whack it), reader's bf has a name which i hate in fics but its so hard to write this trope without a name so, afab!reader,

summary: a confession about your sex life makes it's way to the one person you'd hope wouldn't hear, and now he's determined to rectify the way you've been wronged

wc: 4.5k

_____________

you were a great asset to the bau. it was why you were personally recommended by emily to transfer out of sex crimes, the skill set you brought alongside the field training you had proved to be vital for the team’s success lately. you were also a great asset to the team. the bau was notorious for having people turnover fast, and you knew they were apprehensive with newcomers. but you managed to hit it off with every single member, one more than others.

spencer reid did not expect someone like you to join the team. not that he didn’t have faith in your talents and skills, he’s read your file and obviously knows you’re more than qualified to be here. he just did not expect someone who looked like you to join the team, someone who didn’t look beaten down by the horrors of the world and still believed in pots of gold at the end of rainbows. 

it didn’t help that you were so beautiful he literally would feel his heart ache when you walked in. like literally, would have to rub his chest to soothe the pain. and as spencer would, he would logic out his feelings with science because that’s all they are, scientific chemical reactions in the body. but what he felt in your friendship, what he felt when he was lucky enough to be in your presence, was something no textbook, theorem, or equation could explain.

so imagine the size of the fucking hammer coming down on his head when he finds out you have a boyfriend who: 1. is not him, and 2. is an actual real life bozo.

apparently you’d been seeing damon from organized crime for about a month now, that’s what he heard from penelope, and you ‘claim’ to be super happy. 

spencer doesn’t buy it.

he’s seen the way your ‘relationship’ operates, and he’s got the facts to back it up. damon never lets you get a word in when you’re in group settings, even purposefully talking over you when you’re clearly attempting to speak. majority of the time he’s condescending about your job as a profiler for the bau, saying that him and his team bring down drug rings, but you guys ‘just read their horoscope or whatever and decide the killer.’

it made spencer’s blood boil hotter than the sun. he couldn’t figure out why you put up with it, and why you continue to.

the final straw that broke the camel's back about his disapproval on your relationship choices, is what he overheard on the jet one time on the way back from a case.

the girls were talking in the back of the jet, unaware of spencer’s very awake mind despite his visibly sleeping body.

“i don’t know guys,” you had started with a sigh, “you think it’s weird right?”

“that your own boyfriend won’t go down on you? yeah hon, that’s fucking weird.” emily strikes.

“what did he say exactly?” jj asked.

“he said it increases the risk of STIs on the mouth? and doesn’t like the feeling of thighs crushing his head? and that even with all the … grooming … it’s still unnatural ?”

emily gagged while jj continued, “um…but do you like…on him?”

“yes! he literally won’t touch me unless i do!” you rage whisper.

“i am about to give him an organized crime to deal with,” emily half jokes, “what an asshole, why are you still with him?”

“i don’t know, he’s still nice to me i guess, and maybe i’m just being dramatic. or maybe i’m just not someone people go down on, who knows.” you sigh.

spencer stops listening, he can’t hear you talk so poorly of yourself. not when it’s so far from the truth yet you’ve been indoctrinated to think it’s accurate. how anyone could take advantage of you like that is beyond him, but it did light a fire inside of him and made him determined to help you realize you deserve so much better. if that happens to be him, then who is he to fight that?

—

spencer doesn’t get his chance to prove it to you for another two weeks, when you’d come over to his apartment for a movie night after getting in a fight with damon, your date night being canceled and leading you to spencer’s doorsteps, all dolled up with tears lining your eyes asking to come in.

he doesn’t even have time to be mad at your shithole boyfriend when he’s ushering you inside, offering you to sit on the couch while he goes and put a kettle on the stove for tea.

“i’m really sorry to just show up like this, spence.”

he doesn’t even blink before calling out from the kitchen, “don’t apologize, i’m always here for you. anytime and anywhere.”

you give him a soft smile before returning your gaze to the soft glow of doctor who.

he returns cradling two mugs in one hand and a pack of haribo gummies in the other. spencer doesn’t care for gummies, he’s more of a chocolate guy, but he knows it’s your favorite. so he makes sure to keep a couple bags in his apartment for you.

“my favorite!” you gush. his heart warms at your smile as he sits next to you on the couch. you naturally gravitate towards him to lean your head on his shoulder, and it’s automatic for spencer to wrap an arm around your shoulders to pull you closer.

the whirs and whooshes of the tardis fill the silence for the next hour as you visibly become calmer than when you first arrived. he decides this is a good time to ask, “do you want to talk about it?” as he turns his head to look at you.

“i don’t know,” you say quietly popping another gummy in, “i’m starting to believe it's just a me problem. like, maybe i’m just objectively not a great partner, and that’s why we keep getting in these fights. you know this time, he said i’m not worth all the effort and stress i bring him and that because of me he’s gonna bald at 29? i’m not a scientist like you or anything but even i know that, at least, can’t be my fault.” you end with a chuckle.

spencer knows he should probably comfort you in this time of honesty you’ve graced him with, squash your insecurities like a pesky bug on the windshield, and tell you how beautiful you are in as many words it’ll take for you to believe it (and he knows a lot of words).

but right now? he’s just fucking pissed.

not at you, never at you. at your situation, yes. at that sorry excuse of a partner let alone agent, immensely.

so he can’t help what escapes his mouth next, “why do you let yourself get treated like shit?”

you look up at him in surprise, at both the cursing and what he said, “what?”

“you’re constantly talking about how awful he treats you, and yet everyday you still go back to him knowing it’s going to repeat the next day. i just want to know why you don’t respect yourself enough to not let that happen to you.”

pulling away to sit far from him on the couch,  you start letting the annoyance show on your face, “spencer, that’s not fair at all. you think it’s my fault? do you really think i want to feel like this?”

“yes!” he shouts, “you seem like you do with how much you crawl back to him everytime, and everytime you let him back in.”

“okay, i think i should go,” you stand up and grab your things, “it was a mistake to come here, goodbye spencer.”

he grabs your wrist before you can get too far, “i just have to know, what is it?”

“what’s what spence, let me go.”

“what keeps you going back to him, it can’t be because you love him. it’s obviously not because you’re happy with him,” he lets out.

“you don’t know anything about me or my life, spencer!” you snatch away your arm and start heading towards the door.

“it’s definitely not because the sex is good, because i know it’s not.”

any emotion you had on your face wipes away like an etch a sketch, staring blankly at the door, hearing the man you’ve harbored a crush on since you started at the bureau years ago, telling you he knows your sex life is abysmal.

your voice comes out small, “h- how would you know that?” you don’t dare to turn around, knowing that if you did any resolve you held onto, any denial of emotions you’ve stripped from yourself would come pouring out like a broken dam.

the couch groans at a loss of weight, and the floorboards creak closer and closer to you.

“i heard you, on the jet.”

you’re especially glad he can’t see the blood draining from your face. if your heart already wasn’t at your feet, it’s most likely six feet under at this point. 

he heard you?

“when you were talking with the others about how he doesn’t reciprocate, and won’t sleep with you unless you get him off.” he continues.

the room is getting hotter by the millisecond, temperature about to be comparable to the sun’s core. it’s one thing to have just anyone hear the intimate details of your life, but spencer? the man to which you’d been using damon to get over?

the only sound that can be heard is your increasingly heavy breathing, and spencer feels like he’s caught a fish on his line and is ready to reel you in as he inches closer to you.

“you’re okay with that? not being taken care of in the way you deserve?”

his presence is merely nanometers behind you, the ghost of his fingers looking for landing on your hips. when you don’t move away, and he hears your breath hitch at the contact, he sets his hands more earnestly on your curves as he leans down to the nape of your neck.

“just don’t know,” kiss, “how anyone,” kiss, “wouldn’t want,” kiss, “to give you everything.” kiss.

your head lolls back onto his firm chest as he whispers in your ear, “cat got your tongue, sweetheart? you were so mouthy not even five minutes ago. be honest with me, has he even ever made you come?”

the whimpers escape you without warning and you find a single decibel of voice to speak, “spencer…” hoping the whine would dissuade him to let it go.

“uh uh, i asked you a question,” his arm tightens around the front of your waist to press back and fully feel him, “answer me.”

your lexicon has depleted except for the one word you know he’s desperately waiting for you to say, and the one he knows is the answer. yet you know the second it leaves your mouth, everything changes. and maybe you’re okay with that.

“no.”

spencer hums lowly, “has anyone made you come?”

“no.” you say again, softer this time.

“should we change that?”

this was not what you expected when you came to see him after your failed night out. the amount of processing you’d done in the last year to essentially not be thinking about spencer 24/7 was extensive. and you were ready to render it all useless in a matter of seconds.

so you let the strap of your bag fall down your arm and hit the ground with a thud, and finally turned around to look the good doctor in his eyes. while his voice held traces of anger and frustration, you came to see his eyes were full of reassurance and comfort, the spence you always knew to prioritize your wellbeing more than anything.

he looked down at you and slid his hand to up to cup your jaw, and he hears the smallest murmur, so delicate yet so full of want leave your lips.

“yes.”

that was all spencer needed to catch your lips in a heated kiss, moving your body to the closest wall as he places a hand behind your head to protect you from the wall’s impact while the other pins your waist to the wall.

you move your arms to wrap around his neck and keep him pinned to you with no escape, like he’d ever want to. his lips detach from yours and make a descent towards your neck again, taking deliberate effort to locate the sensitive spots.

he finds one just behind your ear and spends time sucking and bruising up the spot, relishing in the soft whimpers leaving your mouth. while you’re lost in the sensation on your neck, you don’t notice spencer move one of his hands closer to the button of your pants, effortlessly (and impressively) opening it up.

detaching from your neck with a heavy pant, he moves back to lean against your forehead with his own and look you in the eyes to ask, “is this okay? we can stop if you want, i didn’t mean to be so forw-“

“please don’t stop.”

he searches your eyes for any conflict and finds none, considering it the okay to continue his downward descent. he returns his lips to the second home they’ve made on your lips and starts to push your pants down over the curve of your ass, leaving your panties on.

the flash of purple lace underwear glares at him when he glances down, and suddenly he remembers what got him in this position in the first place.

“were you wearing this for him?” he lets out condescendingly, “you really think he deserved to see you like this?”

spencer’s fingers brush against your front, leaving your heavy breaths hitting him in the face. you can’t think of anything to say. hell, you’re not even sure if you know any words right now. all you can offer is a pathetic moan, and spencer doesn’t think that’s enough.

“come on, don’t get all shy now. what were you expecting him to even do, hm? thought you said he didn’t care about making you feel good.” he taunts as his middle finger traces the outlines of your cunt through your panties.

you shudder at the contact, leaning your head back against the wall as he refuses to break eye contact. he’s waiting for you to say something, raising his eyebrows expectantly as he’s slowed down his movements on you. taking a shallow breath you open your mouth, “h-, he didn’t care, just thought if i ke-, kept looking nice he’d wanna, fuck, do something.” you moan out.

“and did he?” he moved his hand back up to slowly slip into your panties.

his finger dips all the way down to your entrance to gather your wetness and spread it all the way back up to your clit, your mouth dropping open as you let out a whiny, “no.”

“what a shame.” he dips a finger into your hole and you let out a pornographic moan.

he drags his finger in and out slowly making sure to watch your face as it contorts in pleasure. once he feels you’ve gotten used to it he slips in a second finger, increasing the pace and moving his thumb to circle your clit again.

“oh fuck,” you cry.

“baby, you’re so tight.” he whispers. the way you clenched around his two digits made feel almost pussy drunk, and he wasn’t even inside you yet. he starts to wonder if damon was doing anything really to prioritize your pleasure, and it only just worked him up more. he felt more determined to bring you to finish, so he picks up the pace and increases the pressure on your clit.

you drop your head to his shoulder no longer being able to hold yourself up anymore, the sensation of his fingers on you taking over, loose whimpers and moans falling out of your mouth every other second.

“spencer…shit, i’m gonna come…”

“let go for me, baby.” he whispers in your ear.

the pleasure barrels through you like a wrecking ball, knocking the wind out of your mind and body. your legs turn into jelly and you almost fall before spencer holds you up. you try to regulate your breathing into his shoulder, hoping to calm down before you look up and meet his eyes again.

he makes that choice for you when he gingerly lifts your head up, his eyes silently asking if you’re okay. you don’t even bother responding before softly pressing your lips to his again, hoping he can feel your response to his silent question.

the kiss picks up in urgency, and soon his hands are back to exploring your body again. they slide down to the backs of your thighs while he murmurs a small, “jump.” and lifts you to wrap your legs around his waist. without breaking the kiss he walks you both to his bedroom and places you on his bed with care.

his fists flank you on both sides as he leans down to kiss you, and he moves further down kissing along your neck and chest. you reach down to the bottom of your top to pull it over your head, leaving you in the purple lacy bra that matches your panties.

he detaches from you and stands at full height, gazing at the sight of you spread out on his bed with your hair framing you like a halo. he can’t even help himself when he says, “you look so beautiful, angel.” the blush rises to your cheeks, and you beckon him to come back down to which he happily obliges.

spencer moves down further towards your hips, and his lips ghost over the lace band spreading along your waist. his fingers play with the fabric and he moves his face to be directly in line with your clothed cunt. your breathing gets heavy, and you anticipate what he’s about to do.

“wait, you don’t, you don’t have to do that, spence. i already came.” starting to feel a bit guilty at the man above you potentially feeling obligated to do this, as you realize that if he heard you on the jet, he heard about the one thing damon refused to do for you.

“sweetheart, i’d love to keep making you feel good as long as you let me, okay? you gonna let me make you feel good?” he breaths, pressing chaste kisses to your inner thighs.

you give a slight nod and he gently pulls your panties off your legs, marveling at the light glistening off your cunt. he kisses up the plush of your thighs before pausing right where you need him the most. you look down at him and meet his unwavering eyes full of love.

he places a long kiss to your core before licking a long stripe. you moan out languishly, the euphoric feeling taking over every sense in your body. you’re unable to comprehend how you went so long without feeling this, it almost feels criminal. and the way spencer was eating you out, felt like this was doing it for him too even though you were the one getting pleasured. 

it turned you on even more to know he was getting off on how much you were enjoying this. your head was spinning off into another realm, and the only thing tethering you to this reality was the grip of your hands in his hair. his tongue made circles and shapes all over your cunt before dipping down to thrust into your hole.

your thighs shake and threaten to clamp shut on his head, and he uses his wide hands to wrap around your thighs to hold them in place. “oh my god fuck, that feels so good…spence…please..” you’re not even sure what you’re begging for, but of course, spencer does when he adds a finger into your hole and moves his tongue to focus back on your clit. the combined sensations were enough to tip you over the edge for the second time tonight, your release glistening on his chin as he moved back up to kiss your lips again.

your heavy panting tries to bring you back down from your high, a mix of sweat and the taste of you lingering everywhere. 

spencer smooths your hair back as he moves his body to lie next to you, “i think, damon’s a fucking loser, if he doesn’t think that’s worth doing.” he says between pants.

you hum in agreement, or just in acknowledgement at whatever he said since you’re still reeling from the endorphin release. hiking your leg over his body to straddle him, you clumsily reach for his belt and attempt to undo the clasps to reach his growing member. you pull his pants down and palm him through his boxers, reveling in the broken moans falling from his mouth. you start inching downwards when spencer grabs you by the forearms and flips you over so you’re back on the bed staring up at him.

“not tonight, sweetheart. it’s about you right now, wanna make sure you know what you deserve.”

“but…” you pathetically respond.

“i don’t know what that neanderthal tells you, but sex is not transactional. i think if i ever see that guy again, i’d punch him for making you think otherwise.”

the words go straight to your core, turning you on even more. spencer takes note of how your pupils widen and your chin tilts up towards him.

“besides,” he presses his crotch to yours, “the sex wasn’t even that good with him, right?”

you moan out again, unable to find words to satisfy his question. he leans back up and off the bed to fully remove his boxers and you finally get a good look at what was underneath.

holy fuck, he was huge. you propped yourself on your forearms to get a better look at him, and watched as he lazily stroked himself while he sauntered back over to you. the image was so lewd, you hoped you could borrow some of his eidetic memory so you could hold on to this moment forever.

his face held a smug smirk at your awestruck one, and he felt his ego inflate even higher, “by the looks of your reaction, i’m guessing he’s never been much of a, challenge, for you in bed has he?”

you dumbly shake your head no, “definitely not as big as you.” you whisper, more to yourself than him.

his smirk grows wider, “don’t worry, baby, i’ll take real good care of you.” he says as he climbs over you to line himself up to your entrance.

you feel him slowly start to push in, the sensation of being split open growing bigger by the second. your brows furrow and your eyes are shut tight as you wait for the pressure to turn into pleasure.

if spencer thought you around his fingers had him pussydrunk, what he’s feeling now has to be close to pussy poisoning or something because he cannot think of anything in existence that feels as good as the walls of your cunt clenching around his cock. it’s taking everything in him to not break, to just fuck you senseless and reach his peak.

once his hips are flush with yours and he’s fully settled within you, he waits for you to give him the okay to move.

you, on the other hand, have never felt more full ever. damon was not nearly this big, nor has any other guy you’ve been with. it’s a bit of a miracle on how it fit inside you, and how it felt better than anything you could’ve imagined. the pressure and slight pain subsides, and with a slight nod spencer takes the cue to start moving.

the first thrust has you both moaning out in harmony together, and he sets the pace nice and slow so as to make sure you’re comfortable.

but it's not enough for you, you need him to fuck you.

“spence…harder.”

he stills at your word, leaning up so he’s perpendicular to you.

“whatever you say, princess.”

and he starts pounding into you, hips rutting at a pace you can’t even keep up with. the whimpers and moans gush out as the familiar coil begins to build within you. he taps your leg to lift it up over his shoulder to allow him deeper access, and he’s able to reach that one spot you’d heard about from all your friends, on reddit, in movies. you had no idea this type of feeling even existed, and spencer was hitting it with precision every single thrust over and over.

“fuck,” you whine.

“that feel good, baby?” he teases, “the way you’re squeezing my cock so tight, i doubt that fucker ever made you feel like this, huh?”

your tits bounce with every thrust, and the deepened angle has you reaching your climax fast. spencer feels it too and drops his head to whisper in your ear.

“i bet he’s never fucked you like this,” he continues his taunt, “he’d never be able to fuck you like i can, make you come three times in one night like i can.”

you whimper, “spencer,”

“say it, sweetheart. say no one’s ever fucked you like me.”

he was trying to kill you, death during intercourse would be a crazy way to go out but it’s a fate you’d be willing to accept. nonetheless, you comply.

“never ever, fuck, been fucked like you, baby.”

spencer has never felt more satisfied, “good girl, now come.” and with a final thrust he lets you reach your peak as he releases himself into you.

in the midst of groans he gingerly pulls out of you and you whimper at the loss.

the next few minutes are just filled with the sounds of yours and his heavy breathing, before spencer leans over to you, “was that too much?”

still in your daze you let out a soft giggle, “spencer, i think you’ve ruined all men for me.”

he smiles back, “i meant what i said, damon’s really stupid if he’s not willing to do all that for you.”

you intertwine your hand with his, “you know, i never really liked him anyway. i was just using him to get over you.”

“me?” he says incredulously.

you nod, “i didn’t know if you would’ve felt the same so i just tried to move on to someone else, stupid i know, but i don’t know it made sense then.”

he pulls you closer to rest in the crevice of his chest, “i have been into you since the day you walked into the bullpen, and letting you slip through my fingers is a mistake i will never make again.”

you hug him tightly before groaning out loud, “shit, i have to tell damon it’s over now don’t i.”

“i mean, i could tell him if you want.”

“spence, no. i think you might kill him.” you laugh, “i can do it, i just don’t want him to get all ‘organized crime’ on me.”

“just tell him i have a gun.”

“so does he?”

“mine’s bigger.” he smirks.

you roll your eyes, “well, yes.”

[good-beansdraws]

Did a few fun official art redraws :3

I really love how the 2nd anni art came out :3 I'm most proud of that one for sure

The pose for the recent anni art looks a little stiff but not only was the reference out of love, but it actually really fits the bouquet/victim symbolism (<- she has thought way too much of the symbolism/motifs of a character that doesn't even exist but it WORKS)

Rip Muu in the raincoat collab but I just wanted to see if she'd fit in with the others adsfsd. Thank you to Tsumi whose post inspired me to finish that one 👍

And ah... I have mixed feelings on the last one... I didn't want to have to redraw all 12 cast members and the whole scene, but I'm still pretty bad at mimicking styles and I feel like it's so obvious that she's just pasted in 💀Still, it was a really good exercise in art and I'm proud of the experimentation! Plus, no matter how I'm tempted to cringe, it was very silly and I recommend drawing yourself anime-villain-style LMAO

I was originally waiting to post until I did cover song redraws I have planned, but that's going to take me 80 years and I figured I can share what I have now lol

Massive Milgramsona art/info dump as a treat to myself!! Alas, my fatal flaw is being unable to shut up about anything even while simultaneously embarrassed/nervous to share, so here's literally all the info I have on her 😅

Profile:

Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!

Number: 012

Color: #E7355B

Age: She’d be 20 when Milgram started

Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician

Song genre: Pop/theater (a mix of Mahiru and Kazui's vibes)

Backstory: She is studying abroad in Japan to work on technology related to the mv machine when she stumbles into top secret info about the trials. Horrified at the lack of prior testing, she demands to be included in the experiment to make sure the brand new tech runs smoothly and doesn't harm anyone in the process. To prevent her leaking info to the public and deciding an extra participant wouldn't hurt, Milgram agrees.

Role: Rose performs routine maintenance and updates on the extraction machine, and checks in with prisoners' health to make sure it's not having any adverse effects. She listens in on the interrogations, ringing the bell to signal Es when the machine is ready for use (re: my theory on how it works >:3). She then watches the mvs after Es to make sure there are no glitches.

(Though she is a personal milgramsona, her role in the story is supposed to reflect the audience's experience overall when it comes to how much info we know, emotions we experiencing regarding guilt/responsibility, and how much power over events we actually have given the voting system and trial breaks.)

Trial 1

Jackalope's comments during trial commencement: Oh, I almost forgot participant 012, Rose. We've never had more than one staff member before, so we figured that sort of numbering would be fine. Hey, don't look at me, it's not like it was our idea to include her. She's not a prisoner -- the only crime she's committed is sticking her nose where it didn't belong... You can ask her for the details, but she's just here for maintenance on our extraction machine. It's not easy keeping that thing running smoothly, you know? As part of her duties, she'll be privy to all the same information as you, but don't let her be any more of a busybody than she already is -- she has absolutely no authority when it comes to your verdict decisions, got it?

MV: Mic Check - “Can anyone hear me?”

VD: Positive Feedback

Cover: Pathological Facade - Ghost

Her album would release last in line. The VDs aren't interrogations since there's been no crime -- Es asks about her duties and observations of the prison. In them, she admits her predictions that she and Es will eventually be on trial for their involvement in the prisoner's fates.

Thus, her mvs are focused on her emotions towards the prisoners, her pride in helping bring justice, and her guilt at providing Milgram a means to pass judgement on people she cared about. I'm going to Goncharov the actual mvs/songs, but Mic Check is generally an introduction to her job behind the scenes prepping the equipment that will allow the prisoners' songs to be heard, as well kick off symbolism of her as a performer herself. She'll make a comment about how the experiment is leading to tragedy, "as if someone said Macbeth" (then covers her mouth, as she's standing in a theater herself).

I kept getting tripped up looking for Deco*27 songs that worked and weren't already taken, so I decided to go with some favorites and vibe-matching songs from other artists!

Comments during trial closing: It's good to hear you weren't a pushover when Rose gave her thoughts on the verdicts -- you guys disagreed on quite a few of them, eh? Ah... so she's not the type to pick fights, is that it? I guess that explains how she's managed to get along with everyone. (sigh) Even you knew better than to get attached like that. Well, at least she's kept our machine up and running the whole time.

Trial 2

Commencement: Now I need to wake Rose. We're going to need some extra upgrades to our machine if we want to get the most out of this round of extractions. I've got a sneaking suspicion that she and her bleeding heart are going to try and sway you during this trial. Her duty is specifically to look out for the prisoners' safety, but yours is only to judge them. Don't forget that.

MV: Changement - “Don’t say ‘break a leg,’ if it might just break.”

VD: Control Variable

Cover: TOXY - Kujiragi

I did my best to write out the title pronunciation out in katakana since I wanted it as the name of the dance move, not a direct translation of meaning. I went with シャジェモ "sha-je-mo" as the closest I could get to the "shanj-mou" sound, but feel free to correct me if there's a better way to write it. The door is based off of various set designs for Clara's home in The Nutcracker. (There's no deep meaning that this is the only one not opening -- I realized too late all the others are cracked open and my art app doesn't have the tools to easily fix that so I'm sticking with it 😭)

A changement is a small jump in ballet -- I thought it was fun to combine that (which means "to change") with Control Variable (refering to the variable in an experiment that never changes). The video shows conflicting emotions as her decisions/inaction caused so much to happen between trials, yet at the same time she feels like there's so much she'll be unable to change even if she really wants to intervene. Her mvs show the prisoners pretty regularly (since they are her crime, she's realized), and the teaser line is paired with references to Mahiru's broken leg.

The thumbnail combines different areas of study -- mechanical, medical, musical, mathematical (theater spotlight, muscles, Weakness notes, motion formulas). I think it's super cool how many areas of expertise are passed around the fanbase when discussing the characters. I've picked up new facts about plants, food, anatomy, geography, music, animals language, (sigh. color theory.), hobbies, professions, mythology, etc from fans with different fields of knowledge. While that's one of my favorite aspects of the project from the outside, I think it would be super intimidating to someone on the inside trying to tackle so much information at once.

Closing: As for Rose... (laughs) I thought she was dooming herself before--! Not only has she gotten hopelessly attached to everyone over the course of this trial, she's even started a relationship with one of the prisoners! And of all the people she could have chosen... Eh? Oh no, we have no policies against that for our staff. I mean, the whole point of Milgram is to explore human nature, the power of emotions, the complexities of connections, all that crap. I'm just grateful she shows a bit more common sense when she's operating the machine...

Trial 3

MV: Showstopper - “There won’t be applause, but I’ll take a bow, okay?”

VD: Please Exit Left

Cover: Ironina - Nilfruits

I don't know the album theme yet, but this is the tentative sprite and thumbnail design. The T2 sprite was kind of an "innocent" one, since at the beginning she still has faith in her role in the prison, excited to work with everyone there. (Plus, I joined the fandom a little after t2 started so that's peak excitement time lol). The T3 sprite has much more of a "guitly" feel to it because, at the end of T2 and after this hiatus, she'd harbor a lot more guilt about her position and fear about the experiment's conclusion. As a fun little detail, her pencil has been replaced with a more permanent utensil as final verdicts are locked in.

Now listen. My artist brain was constantly fighting my science brain when doing sprite designs -- I know gloves like that and nothing else isn't proper PPE. I know none of those are safety shoes (god forbid wearing just socks??? to the lab???). There should be no jewellery at all. The whole point of a lab coat is that you don't roll up the sleeves and expose your bare skin. However. It's anime character design. There can be compromise.

Referencing Rose's personal life as a performance and comparing Milgram's trials to one, I wanted the mv to play on "showstopper" as both a great show and a literal attempt to stop the project before it reaches its finale. There would be creepy comparisons in the mv between operating stage equipment and prison executions: curtain/set ropes and nooses, heavy duty lightswitches and electric chairs, etc.

Misc.

And lightening things up again -- birthday art and minigrams :3

Birth flower: Camellias. Pink camellias symbolize love but also longing. The fact that they bloom in winter, and have a quick death (the entire flower wilts at once, instead of individual petals falling off), have inspired different meanings in different cultures -- overcoming hard times, facing death in battle, inseparable lovers, and so on

Three minigrams featuring my own annoyance that her design is a bit close to Shidou's coat/gloves look, a mandatory short joke, and a pun that works so perfectly for my Put-In-Situations guy

[ilovethanosdick]

Choi Su-bong/Thanos (Squid Game) x fem! reader HCS

IM OBSESSED WITH THIS MAN!!!!!

also first ever post?! it’s a little short, but hope ya enjoy!!

SFW:

• he ADORES physical touch

• touching u at every chance he gets, like even simple hand holding, leaning against u

• HE LOVES IT ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES FROM U!!

• casually grabs u by ur ass in public, or give u a lil slap. when u confront him about it, he acts like he dont know what are u talking about, then giggle

• using ur breast like fidget toy, when he’s stressed

• squeezing it, when he feels like it

• shoving his head between ur boobs, bro can stay like that for a good 10 minutes until he calms down

• if u ask him if he would still love u as a worm, he would tell u that he’s not a zoophile

• pet names!! baby, babe, princess are his favs!

• he’s not so good with commitment and stuff like that, would prefer an open relationship (one sided tho, he's so possesive of u)

• have huge jealousy issues when it comes to u

• a male species near u??? he goes into rage mode, getting aggressively touchy to claim u! show everyone that u are his!!

• would apologise to u with rap songs

“Y/N” he screamed outside your house. throwing rocks at the window to wake u up.

“what the fuck…” u muttered to yourself, as u walked over to the window to check what this idiot come up with this time.

as soon as he saw your face, he screamed again, his hands clutching onto his chest “SEÑORITA!!! I WANT TO APOLOGISE TO U!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!! U DO REALISE THAT ITS 3 AM RIGHT NOW???” u screamed back at him, slightly leaning forward through window.

“I LOVE U!!!!!” he get on his knees.

“ARE U HIGH?????” u asked, clearly pissed at his presence.

“HI!!!!!” he said as he waved his hands to u, enthusiastically with a goofy grin.

even after this response, u can’t tell if he’s high. that’s pretty much how he’s acting regardless if he’s on drugs or not.

he turn on boombox, a cliche beat hit your ears. he stands up and cleared his throat.

“Yo, I messed up, I admit it, I’m a clown,

Flirting like a fool when you weren’t around.

But I swear, it was harmless, just a slip of the tongue,

Now I’m here confessing where I went wrong.

I told her, "Hey, nice shoes," and that’s all I meant,

But now I’m in the doghouse, paying the rent.

Baby, you’re the star, the queen of my heart,

And that other conversation? A throwaway part.

She laughed at my joke, yeah, I felt kinda cool,

But now I see, I was the class clown fool.

I’d never trade you for some silly chat,

You’re the boss, the CEO, I’m just the doormat.

I’ll buy you flowers, write your name in the sky,

Sing off-key if it’ll dry your eyes.

I’ll even quit drugs if you need me to,

Just don’t leave me hangin’, I’m a mess without you.

So baby, I’m here, on my knees with this beat,

Admitting my crimes, can’t handle defeat.

Let’s laugh this off, put it in the past,

‘Cause you and me, girl, we’re built to last.”

he end up the song showing a small heart formed with his thumb and index finger.

u sighed “all right, come inside”

“YAYY!!!” he did a happy jump and clapped his feet in midair.

• tbh he’s so silly

• steals flowers from a random garden for u

• night visits, but uses a window instead of a door to enter ur place, literally like some kind of teenager

• even if u gave him the keys to ur apartment, he will use the window no matter what

it was dark outside, about 11 pm. u were coming back from work. damn how exhausted u felt. some arguments with clients, boss yelling at u. it was not ur best day for sure.

u checked ur phone. still no text from Thanos. why he was ghosting u? probably he don’t want to deal with ur complains about how bad ur day went.

u opened the apartment door. u don't give a damn about anything. you plan to go to bed right away, you don't have the strength to change your clothes, wash yourself or eat something.

you threw everything aside and went to the bedroom. when you turn on the light in the room, you see your boyfriend lying on his side, resting his head on his hand, rose in his teeth.

“U WANT TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK???” u flinched. u can’t get used to Thanos randomly spawning in ur house.

“and i missed u too, princess” he grinned, standing up and then theatrically hand over the rose to u.

“i brought ur fav burgers and lotta beer” he said, pointing out at ur kitchen.

“thanks” u smiled softly at him. u can’t help but melt inside at his behaviour. he’a an asshole, but what a cute asshole.

“no problem, babe” he leaned to u, giving u a tight hug. burying his face in the crook of ur neck.

• avoids deep emotional conversation

• would tell that he loves u, but he don’t put much weight into that

• he’s saying it casually like it’s common sense that he loves u

• painting each others nails!!!!

NSFW:

• pansexual king, but he wouldn’t label himself

• he don’t care about gender, he fucks who he consider as cute and that’s it!!

• when u ride him, he would comment something like: WROOM WROOM!! or YEEHAW!!!

• A TOTAL FREAK….

• piss kink (y’all can’t prove me wrong)

• HE LIKES IT DIRTY!!!!

• public sex

• like fingering u in a club or on a party, sometimes anal when he's high

• claiming u like that in front of other people?? IT TURNS HIM ON SO BADD

• never a sub, it would hurt his ego

• bro don’t know what gentle sex is

• always rough and aggressive

• smokes weed/cigarettes during sex, blowing smoke in your face

• talking about himself in third person "yeah, babe. the great Thanos will make u feel so good”

“u like that slut? u like Thanos’s dick that much??”

• he’s not into after care. usually he just rolls down on bed, doesn't even bother putting on clothes, hug u tightly and fall asleep like that

[honeyedfate]

backstage confessions | 심재윤

pairing. jake sim x fem!reader + feat. enhypen

genre. fluff (+ crack? im just a comedian really)

a/n. my first fic on this sideblog!! enjoy x

“what are you looking at?” jay’s teasing voice comes from beside you, effectively snapping you out of your daze.

you turn to him hesitantly, feeling like you just got caught doing something sinful. “mm?”

jay holds your gaze, clearly unimpressed by your pretence while taking a bite from his banana. he chews like he has all the time in the world and for a moment you wonder if he had spoken at all. then, he swallows and his lips curve into a smile. the kind you wear when you’ve already stolen someone’s wallet and are now humouring them.

“you were staring,” he eventually says. “at jake.”

“well, damn.” you laugh awkwardly. “don’t make it sound like a crime. and i wasn’t—“

“yea, no.” he shakes his head. “don’t even try. you were locked in for, like, the past 10 minutes. it was serious for you.”

“i have my reasons,” you sputter defensively, hoping those reasons will materialise inside your head right now. then the rest of his words catch up to you and you pull a face. “you’ve been looking at me for 10 minutes?”

“you would’ve noticed if you weren’t too busy doing the same thing to someone else.” jay snorts quietly. “besides, there are no reasons. or there’s only one, really. i don’t know if you know what it is, but i do. i know that look.”

you arch your brows. “you sound confident.”

he nods, tossing the peel of his banana into the nearest bin. “i’m not a gambling man but i would bet on it.”

“enlighten me then.”

jay squints his eyes, giving you a look that almost rudely says right. as if you’re ready to hear the truth. and you probably aren’t, but you’re fatally curious and the thought of someone knowing you better than yourself feels both touching and offensive.

“enlighten you about what?” another curious voice cuts in and the two of you swivel around, coming face to face with none other than jake. he tilts his head to the side, big black eyes innocently meeting yours as a strand of curled hair falls down his forehead and oh. oh, you wish he wouldn’t look at you like that.

jay clears his throat, glancing at you as if to check if you’re drooling. “erm, just you know…” he helplessly flails his hands around, gesturing at everything and nothing at all. “stuff.”

you stare up at him.

“smooth,” you mumble under your breath and he elbows your side. jake’s gaze darts between you two.

“you want him to enlighten you about… stuff.” he repeats flatly and you swear you hear jay wince beside you. yes, this is extremely painful and it’s your fault, you hiss at him telepathically, hoping he could hear it. sadly, absolutely nothing comes to mind to eradicate the situation, so you just smile back nervously.

jake eventually bites his lip and forces an awkward laugh, taking a step back while his eyes shine with something you can’t place. “sorry, didn’t mean to pry. if you guys have secrets, that’s none of my business, erm, i’ll just go see what the others are doing.” with an even more awkward wave, he leaves the room.

you round on jay. “what was that?”

he retreats with his palms up, laughing sheepishly. “that was close, wasn’t it?”

“you think?” you say bitterly, flopping down on the cluttered couch, pulling out someone’s charger from beneath you. you haven’t even realised how fast your heart was pumping, but you suppose that seems like an adequate reaction seeing how the boy you’ve been stupidly in love with for months might’ve overheard how you were staring at him yearningly like an idiot. or a creep. god, maybe it’s an heart attack.

“you know,” says jay as he sits down on the opposite couch, speaking at a normal volume now that everyone has left the waiting room. “one day, you will have to tell him. does it really make that much of a difference if you do it today or next week?”

you shoot him an incredulous look. “park jongseong, you’re funny if you believe i was planning on telling him a damn thing. hilarious, actually, for thinking i’d do it next week as if i’d saved it in my calendar.”

“jake probably has.” jay shrugs, smiling fondly. “he probably has an alarm set too. he’s such a J.”

“you’re a J,” says heeseung the moment he strolls into the room, door falling shut behind him. “hey, y/n.”

you flash him a smile over your shoulder. “hi, hee.”

he takes a seat on your left and offers you an open bag of peanuts. you take some and he extends the courtesy to jay who stares at him blankly.

“trying to kill me again?”

“what? you’re not allergic to peanuts.” heeseung frowns, glancing at you. “right?”

“leave me out of it,” you say. “i’m feeling murderous today so if he is, those nuts should not be anywhere near me.”

he studies your face as though to see if you’re serious. “okay then,” heeseung mutters to himself before turning back to his friend. “well, are you?”

jay’s brows furrow. “no, i was just kidding. but you should know if i’m allergic or not, man. peanut allergies are not a joke. we’ve known each other for years, what the hell?”

heeseung stares at him in bewilderment. “you’re not even allergic.”

“i could’ve been, you a—“

“what’s going on?” jungwon cuts him off as he walks in. the others shuffle in behind him, looking at jay and heeseung curiously. “why are you fighting?”

neither of them reply while everyone else makes themselves comfortable on the couch. it’s a whirlwind of movements and things being shoved aside and someone saying “you’re sitting on my hand, riki.” and before you know it, heeseung and jake are sat on either side of you.

sunghoon looks around expectantly. “so? what are we fighting about? might as well join.”

heeseung huffs and pours some more peanuts into your palm, nearly emptying the whole thing. “nothing, he’s just being weird,” he grunts and you grin at jay while he pouts and looks away. apparently, that seems to be a good enough response for everyone and they fall into mindless chatter and doomscrolling on their phones.

you’re in the middle of talking to sunoo about a drama you started last night when you suddenly feel a hand gently wrapping around your left wrist. jake grins at your startled reaction and pulls it towards him to pick some peanuts from your palm. “sorry,” he says with way too much amusement for it to be remotely genuine.

“s’alright,” you reply, not able to stop yourself from smiling shyly when you realise how close you’ve been sitting. you’re close enough to count his lashes if you wanted to, especially when he reaches up to remove a piece of lint from your hair and lets you blow it away.

“oh, wait, i wanted to show you something.” he fishes out his phone and lets his other arm fall on his thigh. since his leg is pressed up against yours, his hand is lying on your thigh and you really don’t want to think too much about it because you might squeal and pass away from embarrassment.

before you can ponder the possibility of that happening, he moves his arm behind your back and pulls you into his side. you are so proud of yourself for masking your surprise and biting back a yelp. the whiff of his perfume and something that smells so undeniably like him drifts to your nose as jake leans closer to show you his screen. you’re looking at the pepe the king prawn trend on tiktok where people share their traumatic experiences, and this one in particular has you in stitches in less than four seconds.

“i knew you’d like this one.” he beams at you with a hint of pride in this voice.

“you were blowing up my phone with these last week.” you move back a little after the last slide, the last remnants of a good laugh hanging in the air between you.

“because i know you’d find them funny,” he says with a shrug like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

you hum at the memory. “i had to turn off my phone because i was in the studio and wouldn’t have gotten any work done if your name had kept popping up.”

“oh?” jake looks pleased to hear that. he leans in closer, lowering his voice to a teasing murmur. “why? can’t resist?”

you playfully narrow your eyes at him. “shut up, you know how curious i get.” you look down at your hands. “besides, you stopped sending them, so i figured… i don’t know what i figured.”

a beat of silence follows in which you regret what you said. you didn’t mean to sound so needy.

“the only reason why i stopped was because i knew i’d see you today and i wanted to see your reaction.” jake’s voice is sincere and reassuring. “i saved so many for you, d’you want to see?”

ignoring how your heart flutters uncontrollably, you bite your lip to keep from smiling too much like an idiot. his eyes drift down, lingering there before he blinks rapidly, giving you a lopsided smile and opening the app again to a collection on tiktok that was named after you. no need to overthink that one, right? right.

madonna’s 'like a prayer' gets dramatically louder with each slide and you’re fully immersed, laughing at jake’s commentary and anticipating how it could possibly end when he suddenly stops swiping although there was only one sentence to read, and you’d be mildly offended if he believed you to be that slow of a reader. quizzically, you look at him only to find his eyes already on you. the effect is diabolical.

he’s really just smiling at you—something he’s done a million times even though you wish he hadn’t because you are so sure you could get drunk on it—but this one is painfully gentle and inviting. as if you had just told him you save baby animals in your free time and this was his secret show of tender gratitude. it’s all very confusing.

“you’re so pretty,” says jake, quietly as though it wasn’t even meant for your ears to hear.

his eyes hold so much softness and plain adoration—yes, adoration. even you can see that clear as day—that you immediately feel your mouth go dry and your chest squeeze around your heart. because what is happening right now? jay was right. you are, in fact, not ready to face the truth.

it is ni-ki who has you both crashing back to earth with the call of jake’s name. you tear your eyes away and blink at your lap.

“jay asked if you have anything planned next week.”

still out of it, jake glances at you for some reason before settling his puzzled gaze on jay. “we have schedules every day next week, bro. we looked at it earlier in the car. you were there.”

“oh, i know.” jay grins and slides his eyes to you, mischief glinting in them. “so whatever it is you want to do, you should probably do it now. if you’re going to do it anyway.”

it’s like the entire room falls silent, prompting you to eye them suspiciously. “okay,” says jake slowly, clearly not getting the hint. you’re not sure you get it either.

“god,” you hear sunoo mutter under his breath, making ni-ki snort.

“i know,” jungwon sighs. “they’re idiots.”

[themeaningthemeaningthe]

can’t sleep for other reasons and my brain can’t stop thinking about a post i saw and initially ignored but keep having thoughts about. i didn’t comment on it or anything and now it’s lost to the ether and i don’t wanna go looking for it but these thoughts gotta go somewhere.

this will be long and rambling and probably a little incoherent cuz it’s 3am.

the post was someone saying that they finally picked up gideon the ninth after years of seeing locked tomb posts and griddlehark, then dropped it after like 2 chapters bcuz they think the dynamic between gideon and harrow is abusive (which is fair when u first start it) and they can’t believe people are into it as enemies to lovers. on the one hand, people are totally cool to just not like something for whatever reason, i myself just have thoughts about the Nuance that i didn’t express on the post that i now must here.

lots of important spoilers for GtN!! (and maybe accidentally ones to HtN)

ok here’s the rant.

that’s the point!!!!! that’s the point.

they are terrible to each other and they have always been. the growth and the development of their character dynamics together explores how this thing between them that has always been sharp and seething and spiky must buckle under the weight of outside pressure beyond anything they could have imagined.

in a very important pool scene (one that is ubiquitous in fanart and i have to believe this poster saw at least a few times) we get an explanation from harrow! and not only does this give us a more full look into the context of drearbruh outside of gideons narrow point of view, but it also makes more clear why they were like That.

i’m sorry but literally harrow is 200 dead kids that her parents killed to make her, and gideon is the one kid they couldn’t kill. and gideon realizes once told this, she is the living reminder of the war crime committed to save the house, and no one who knows can forget it.

and harrow has known the truth of her origin since she was old enough to comprehend anything!! so yeah, a traumatized child who knows she’s the entirety of a generation of her house is gonna lash out at literally the only other child on the planet who she happens to also have power over.

and i feel like the book makes this pretty clear!! this was bad!! but also, these are two traumatized kids growing up in a dying, creepy, planet that is lowkey hell.

the other key thing about the pool scene, is that it is a Confession. these books are sooo steeped in catholicism. harrow isn’t just explaining the true history of her life, she is Confessing all of the sins that make her up and all of the sins she has committed. bearing the entirety of the wretchedness of her soul for gideon judge. expecting her only friend whom she has made miserable for years to kill her.

and i know we joke about gideon being lesbian jesus, but there’s a reason for that (besides the obvious). bcuz after hearing her Confession, gideon baptized harrow in that pool.

one flesh one end, bitch.

and also like yeah griddlehark is an enemies to lovers in some ways, but i feel like also not in the typical way you would think about that trope?? bcuz correct me if im wrong but they never really become lovers (and i personally am not sure they ever will). yes they love each other and make the grandest gestures of love imaginable. but that love is inevitably fucked up in some ways and it’s impossible for it to not be.

god that was way too long. anyway. some Nuance is necessary.

[spcherryygirl]

being with you doesn't feel like drowning,

from vi

ᰔ pairing . . . m. townsend !

ᰔ with . . . a f!reader

ᰔ category . . . angst. hurt with comfort. one - shot. requested.

ᰔ in which . . . when you saw michael's injuries, everything falls apart. trust is broken, & the connection you two had is tested. michael attempts to keep the truth from you, but it's too late▰the damage is done. now, both of you have to deal with the repercussions of your actions.

ᰔ tags . . . 5.4k. major spoilers. reader is not a natural but not invisible. raised in the house, still feels like a guest. trust issues ft. too many secrets. blue-purple bruises. “i never asked you to love me” <— okay jane austen boy, ouch. the slow burn of breaking down walls. everyone knows but no one says it. fbi = feelings buried indefinitely. friends who read you like crime scenes. windowsill confessions. love, interrupted. trust issues but make it cozy. held together by forehead kisses. he reads you better than his files. love in lowercase. statistics say he shouldn't love this hard (he does). he’d classify you as essential personnel. ooc. grammatical errors.

────── vi whispers . . . ᰔ

001. AAAAA, nonnie,,, this was supposed to be 7k but it DIDN'T save💔 im sorryyyyy😭😭

002. you sent this around three am ish & i was LOCKED in❕❕

003. idk if i did you justice, nonnie 💔💔

004. horrible writing because i started writing this at,,,, 3 am

005. also... i couldn't keep this spoiler free😭😭 my head was blank because WHAT WOULD THE TOPIC OF THEIR ARGUMENT BE????? so i js... tweaks & tweaks..

006. as i said in note four,, this is badly written so don't expect much 😭 I CAN'T WRITE ANGST

you weren't supposed to be here.

judd had instructed you to remain where you were, michael would return tomorrow.

& sure, perhaps you were snooping, perhaps you shouldn't have gone into his room without knocking, but you were missing him, and the jacket he'd left behind still smelled of him.

besides, you've done the groceries.(that usually takes you all day because the group chat keeps adding more things to the list.)

so you'd gone in.

& hell broke loose.

because the moment you laid eyes on the bruises, the cut on his jaw, the way he winced when he reached too far▰your breath caught in your throat.

you weren't a profiler, hell, you're not even a natural but you weren't stupid either.

you knew what a beating looked like. & michael could lie with a smile, but his body was always honest. especially to you.

he turned just as you walked in.

froze.

like a deer in headlights.

like he hadn't meant for anyone to see him this way.

you didn't speak.

he didn't either.

just stood there, half-shirted, ribs smeared with ugly blue-purple marks.

& god, it was like someone injected ice water into your veins.

because he told you it was a family business.

he told you he was fine.

& you believed him.

"what the hell," you said, hushed. too hushed.

he hauled down the hem of his shirt. "it's nothing."

"don't," you said, & your voice broke in a way you despised.

"don't do that."

he sat on the edge of the bed like this was normal. like you didn't just interrupt something that made your chest too tight to breathe.

"you're back early," he said, staring at the floor.

"& you're bruised," you snapped. "so maybe we both have bad timing."

he sighed. "it's not a big deal."

"not a big deal?" you had said, voice rising before you pushed it back down. "michael, what the hell are you even saying right now?"

he didn't glance your way.

didn't blink.

just kept his eyes fixed on the floor as if he remained silent long enough, all of this would disappear.

"you went back there," you told him. "to your dad."

"i told you i was visiting family."

"you lied."

he glanced up then, and sure, maybe you did wait for that. maybe you needed to see his face.

because he didn't look angry.

he looked exhausted.

so exhausted it curled your stomach.

"what do you want me to say?" he asked.

you blinked. "i want you to say something."

he got up, & you resented how slow & deliberate his movements were.

you resented that he was accustomed to pain like this.

like it was normal.

like it was a habit.

"i'm fine."

"you're not fine."

"this happens," he said. "it's not new."

you stepped forward, fists curled at your sides. "you've been my boyfriend for months. & i never knew."

"because i didn't want you to know."

that line hurt more than it should have.

"why?"

"because it's my problem," he stated, finally, like something in him cracked open.

"it's not yours. it's not anyone's. i've been dealing with this my whole life▰"

"that's the problem," you cut in, voice low. "you deal with it like it's your fault."

he paced slightly, running a hand through his hair. "don't psychoanalyze me."

"i'm not," you said. "i'm begging you to talk to me."

he fell silent again.

& you hated that.

because he was so good at this▰retreating into silence, allowing you to talk until you quit.

but you weren't quitting. not today.

"do you even trust me?" you asked.

his jaw clenched. "don't do that."

"don't do what?" you snapped. "don't ask if my boyfriend▰who's keeping this from me▰trusts me?"

he remained silent.

"you didn't tell me," you breathed. "you didn't tell anyone, but▰"

"lia knows," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

you stiffened.

you glared at him like he slapped you.

"what?"

he gazed away once more. "she figured it out. it's not like i told her."

"but she knew," you replied. "and she didn't say anything."

"that's not her job."

"it's not yours either, apparently," you snarled.

the silence that hung between you afterwards was colder than anything else.

you didn't weep. you wouldn't.

but god, you wished to scream.

"do you have any idea how dumb this makes me feel?" you asked, voice trembling though you resented that it was. "do you have any idea how it feels to be excluded from everything because i'm not one of you?"

his eyes grew cold. "this has nothing to do with you not being a natural."

"doesn't it?" you asked. "because you tell them things. they know things. & i'm just the girl who was raised in the house & still gets treated like a guest."

he opened his mouth. closed it.

& that was the worst part▰he didn't argue.

he didn't fight back.

because maybe he knew you were right.

"i've been here since i was eight," you said. "i grew up with you people. judd raised me. hell, tanner used to read me silly bedtime stories, i cleaned up after sloane when she spilled powdered sugar all over the place, i held lia's hand when she got stitches, i taught dean how to braid hair because his kept falling in his eyes, i let cassie stay in my room because that stupid locke haunts her every time.”

your voice cracked again.

you're no natural, just someone scarlett hawkins took in before she died. & judd didn't send you to an orphanage because he knows that this is what his daughter wants. you don't know what she sees in you, but there was something. you had skills, enough to be qualified in the fbi. if it weren't for your age.

"but i'm not a natural. so i'm not one of you."

michael didn't look at you.

& that only made it worse.

"you were the only one who made me feel like i belonged," you said softly now. "you were the only one who didn't look at me like i was on the outside. so i don't get why you shut me out too."

he finally looked up.

& he looked destroyed. wrecked.

"because it's not about you," he told me, & his voice wasn't angry. just tired. "it's about me. it's about not wanting to see your face change when you look at me. it's about keeping the only good thing in my life safe."

"safe?" you echoed. "from what? the truth?"

"from me."

you looked at him.

& this time, you said nothing.

he exhaled & sat back down, as if standing was now too much work.

"you weren't supposed to see," he said. "i know how to handle it. i've done it before."

"& how's that working out for you?" you asked, frustration boiling. "you keep going back, michael. you keep getting hurt. what, you think that's brave? you think it's strength?"

"i think it's survival," he said harshly.

"then perhaps you should learn a new means of survival."

he didn't say anything.

you took a trembling breath, pacing now, because if you stood still the room felt like it was closing in on you.

"you should've told me," you said. "even if you didn't want to be helped. even if you didn't want me to make it better. i'm not asking to be your savior. i'm just asking to know."

he nodded once, slowly.

but it did not feel like an honest answer.

it felt like he was folding in again on himself.

closing off.

retreating.

"you don't get to make choices about me," you said, coming closer again. "you don't get to choose what i can or cannot handle. if you didn't want me on board, then maybe you should not have gotten me to fall in love with you."

his head jerked up.

you hadn't intended to say it like that.

but it was out now, & you weren't backing down.

"i never asked you to love me," he said, voice low but cutting.

& wow.

that hurt more than it should've.

you blinked. "no. i guess you didn't."

he shut his eyes. ran his hands through his hair once more. "that's not what i meant."

"but it's what you said."

he glared up at you again. "i didn't mean it like that. i just▰this▰"

he pointed vaguely at his ribs.

"this is ugly. & i didn't want you to see it."

"well, i did," you said. "so now what?"

he didn't speak.

you looked at each other for what felt like an eternity.

neither of you saying a word.

& perhaps that was worse than the words.

because it meant you were both suspended in the in-between.

not broken up.

not fine.

just there.

distant, angry, & unsure what was next.

the ssilence between you & michael was heavy for days.

it wasn't just the fight anymore▰it was the way it landed in the space between you.

you weren't broken up, but the air was thick with things unspoken, with questions still hanging, unasked.

you tried to concentrate on the work.

attempted to bury yourself in homework, in assisting the team, despite your heart feeling as if it were walking around with a pain you could not rid yourself of.

didn't help that everyone else seemed to be able to tell something was wrong.

lia saw someone was off first, naturally.

she always did. she knows you. & that isn't because she's a lie detector or anything of the sort.

she was a lie detector, & even when you tried to smile, she was aware.

the way your shoulders stiffened every time michael entered the room. the manner in which you always averted your gaze before anyone had time to ask. you could sense her gaze upon you, could sense her attempting to read you & send shivers down your spine.

but you never allowed her to ask.

you couldn't.

not yet.

cassie. oh, cassie. she noticed. when she came to your room that night, asking for comfort, your eyes looked puffy. red.

you looked like you didn't want to talk about it. so she didn't. only hoping her embrace will at least make you feel better. hoping that the next time she enters your room, your eyes won't look tired or puffy or red or sad.

& then there was dean.

dean. someone who knew you since you were twelve.

dean. someone whom you thought of as a brother in every sense that counted.

dean, who observed you going in & out of the safe house with michael, who guarded you with a look that made his eyes keen & his fists even keener.

you noticed it in the way he looked at you now.

the way he questioned you with his eyes, with the way he stayed too long when you entered the kitchen for breakfast.

you detested that look.

you hated that he could see through the cracks, but you didn't want to speak up.

so you didn't.

instead, you concentrated on the people who didn't ask the questions▰like sloane.

sloane, who always had a way of seeing things without mentioning them.

she was quiet in her noticing.

but she could sense the tension, & she was there when you needed her most.

you were sitting at the kitchen counter, doing your best to ignore the glaring emptiness in your chest, when sloane came over, sitting beside you, her hand casually brushing yours.

you didn’t flinch.

you didn’t pull away.

but it was comforting.

it was sloane.

“you okay?” she asked quietly.

you swallowed.

“yeah. i’m fine.”

sloane didn’t buy it.

& she didn’t press either.

she simply left her hand hovering close to yours, a gentle pull, a comfort that didn't demand anything back.

it was in these small moments that you felt the cracks in your heart start to mend▰slowly, agonizingly, but they mended.

but even the tiniest crack won't go undetected.

not when lia's around.

the instant you walked into the room, lia raised an eyebrow.

you attempted to escape her stare, but she saw you anyway.

she rose to her feet, approaching you, her expression impossible to read.

"tell me," she told you, voice soft but slicing all at the same time. "what happened?"

you stalled.

you knew she knew.

you just didn't know what to say.

"nothing's wrong," you grumbled, attempting to brush it off, but lia was not accepting anything.

"nothing?" she repeated, folding her arms. "then why do you look like someone stole your soul?"

you bit your lip.

you couldn't lie to her, not like this. "we fought," you said, voice strained. "that's all."

lia's expression softened, but her frown grew deeper.

"about what?" she asked. you shook your head, already knowing what would happen if you told her.

she knows. you were upset at first. but you knew it's not her fault for knowing.

she didn't need to know everything. "it's just. it's complicated." lia looked at you for a long time.

& for a moment, you'd hoped maybe she'd let it drop.

but no.

lia wasn't the kind of girl to let something go.

particularly when it involved you.

"so. he hurt you," she stated, not a question, but fact.

you bristled, heart skipping a beat in your chest.

you couldn't meet her gaze. because pergaps she wasn't wrong.

"no," you asserted hastily, shaking your head. "not like that."

but lia could see right through you.

she always had. she moved a little closer, voice low & guarded.

"i won't help you unless you tell me."

you groaned.

"i'm not hiding anything. i just. i don't know how to put this into words. i just need space."

lia gazed at you for a moment, & you could see her considering her words.

then she just said, "just don't push him away. whatever it is, it's not worth losing him over." you nodded, feeling the heaviness of her words hit you.

you didn't want to lose him. but you didn't want to hurt him either.

you and michael were moving around like strangers.beyes not meeting. words few and far between. but it wasn't easy to forget. not when you shared a house full of people who noticed everything.

at dinner one evening, judd sat beside you, observing you with his characteristic silent watchfulness.

you were fiddling with your food, shoving it round your plate, hardly eating it. he didn't tell you what was the matter, but you could sense him looking at you▰like he was waiting for you to talk. & at last he spoke.

"you have to talk to him," judd said, his tone as quiet as ever. he doesn't know what happened. & he won't ask.

you shook your head hastily.

you're not even surprised that he knows.

"i can't."

"why?" he asked.

you bit your lip, not meeting his eyes.

"because i don't know how. because everything's all screwed up, and i'm. i'm afraid. i'm afraid that whatever this is, it's gonna ruin everything we have." judd sighed, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed.

"you've been through worse, kid. you know that, right?" you glanced at him.

which is correct. you not being a natural doesn't excuse what you've been through. scarlett hawkins. lacey locke. your past.

when scarlett died, judd knew he wasn't the only one struggling.

yes, he had lost a daughter, & you have lost a sister. not by blood. & blood wasn't a necessity for scarlett when it came to you.

briggs making the program was what saved the both of you. dean saved the both of you. not just dean. he saved veronica sterling.

"yeah, but. this feels different."

"of course it does," he whispered. "but you can't keep running from him. you have to figure this out."

you were quiet for a long time, taking in his words.

he was right.

you couldn't just hide from him forever.

you had to confront him. just… when?

it was late when michael appeared in your room that night.

the door creaked quietly as he pushed it open, & you looked up from where you sat at the window. you didn't say anything at first. didn't know what to say. he didn't wait for an invitation.

just walked in and shut the door behind him, standing beside it for a moment. "can we talk?" he asked, voice low.

you nodded slowly, biting the inside of your cheek.

michael leaned against the edge of your bed, a couple of feet from you.

you remained by the window, uncertain if you should approach.

the tension between you was thick once more.

both of you being so cautious, as if anything wrong would break it all. "i'm sorry," he broke the silence.

his voice low, too quiet. "i know i messed up. i didn't mean to hurt you. i just. i didn't want you to know. i didn't want you to see me like that." you at last turned to look at him.

"but you lied. you kept things from me, michael." he nodded, downcast eyes.

"i know. & i'm sorry. i just. i didn't think you could handle it."

"you don't get to decide that," you breathed, moving in close to him.

"you can't shut me out like that."

he stared up at you, his face filled with regret.

"i know. i messed up." you sat beside him, the gap between you still too great.

but you couldn't help it. you were afraid.

"i'm just angry," you confessed quietly. "i'm angry that you didn't trust me enough to share. i'm angry that you think i can't handle it. but i don't despise you, michael. i could never despise you."

his hand crawled out, touching your fingers softly.

you did not jerk away. you let him.

"i know i've been stupid," he declared. "but i never had any intention to hurt you. i just. i'm just so used to facing it all alone. i don't even know how to ask for things to be easier."

you took a jerky breath, eyes dropping from yours to fall upon your other hand, still clenching his.

"i'm sorry," you explained, voice shaky.

"i'm probably being selfish. i just. i just need to know you're okay. i don't want to keep pretending like everything's fine when you're falling apart." he shook his head softly.

"you're not being selfish. i'm just stupid for not seeing how much you care." you paused for a moment, gazing at him.

"are you okay?" he closed his eyes, tightening his grip on your hand.

"yeah. i'm getting there."

"it's okay," you whispered softly, reaching up to brush his cheek.

"it's okay to not be okay."byou overanalyzed every little touch, making sure not to hurt him.

but michael drew you in, holding you tight, his head against yours. "stop overthinking it," he whispered. "you're not hurting me. you never will."

& for the first time in days, you felt the tension finally release.the evening following your conversation with michael, things were quieter, more gentle. the air between you two wasn't as stifling, but it wasn't completely healed either. nonetheless, there was a shift.

the house was quiet that evening. everyone was in bed or otherwise occupied, leaving you & michael alone in the living room. the gentle hum of the fridge & the muffled sounds of traffic somewhere outside were the only things disrupting the silence.

michael sat on the couch, the same spot where you’d spent so many nights together. this time, though, it was different. there was no tension, no walls between you. just a quiet, comfortable silence.

you sat at the edge of the couch, uncertain at first, not wanting to know what to do after all that happened. you did not want to intrude upon him, did not want to make matters worse by pushing his limits.

but michael, as ever, appeared to be reading you like an open book. without uttering a word, he eased slightly to the side, opening up space for you to sit beside him. his eyes were warm, the slightest suggestion of a smile pulling at his mouth, as if he was promising you something.

"come here," he breathed softly, his voice gruff but gentle.

you bit your lip, nervousness rising up in your chest. "are you sure?" you asked softly, still not knowing if your touch would hurt him.

he smiled at you, the kind of smile that was only for you, & nodded. "yeah, i'm sure. you're not gonna hurt me, y'know."

you paused for another second, then slowly walked towards him. as you sat beside him, his arm fell naturally across your shoulders, drawing you closer.

but you tensed slightly, still overthinking every little thing, every small touch. you weren't accustomed to feeling so guarded, so attuned to everything.

"i don't want to hurt you," you breathed, voice so soft it was barely audible. "i'm just. i don't know how to do this without hurting you more."

michael smiled gently, the warmth of the sound enveloping you like a blanket. "you're not going to hurt me, angel. you're not.”

he tugged you a little nearer, & this time you let yourself slip into his side. being close to him felt so normal, so comfortable, that you couldn't help relaxing slightly, allowing your head to lean on his shoulder.

"i just▰" you'd begun, but michael interrupted, raising his hand to tilt your chin up carefully so that you were facing him. his eyes were so soft, so knowing. as though he could penetrate right through your fears.

"it's all right," he whispered. "i know that you're being careful. but you're not going to break me, you know that?"

you nodded, but the knot in your chest did not completely dissipate. you still wished to ensure that you were not doing anything wrong, even in a momeent such as this, when all you wished for was to feel close to him.

michael appeared to sense the restlessness still present within you, & his hand softly cupped your cheek. "hey," he whispered, "if you're not comfortable with anything, you can let me know, okay?"

you smiled softly, grateful for his patience. “i’m okay now. just. just scared of hurting you.”

he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “you’re not going to. just trust me.”

you blinked your eyes shut for a second, allowing the heat of his hand seep into your skin, & gradually, all your tension dissolved. you felt the calm rhythm of his breathing, the way his pulse beat in sync with yours in perfect harmony.

"i'm sorry i was acting weird earlier," you mumbled, voice hardly above a whisper.

"don't apologize," he told you, his thumb making little circles on the back of your hand. "you've got nothing to be sorry for."

he was right, but the guilt still hung in your chest. you couldn't help it. you cared too much. you just wanted to protect him, even when he wasn't asking for it.

you moved closer, not bothering to be cautious anymore. the way his arms were wrapped around you was stabilizing, like

"thank you for not giving up on me," you whispered, your fingers tracing across his arm. "i don't know what i'd do without you."

michael pulled you nearer, his arms tightening around you in a warm grasp. "don't worry about that. i'm never leaving, angel. you're stuck with me." he doesn't know what he'd do without you either.

you smiled quietly, running your fingers over & over his chest in gentle, soothing patterns. "good," you breathed. "i think i prefer to be stuck with you."

he leaned down, his lips brushing the top of your head as he sighed contentedly. “same here.”

you stayed like that for a while, just existing in the quiet, the soft rhythm of each other’s breathing the only sound that mattered. there was no rush. no pressure. just the warmth of his body, the comfort of his presence.

soon, michael moved a little, grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch & draping it over both of you. his hand migrated to your waist, & he pulled you in closer, as if too close did not exist when it came to the two of you.

"you know," he mused softly, now teasing, "you're the cuddling champ."

you smiled softly, rolling your eyes. "oh, really? is that so?"

"yeah," he said, his fingers running along your side in that special way that always made you shiver. "if i had a dollar for every time i thought about how perfect it feels when you're in my arms, i'd be rich." well, he already is. but you know what he means.

you smiled, your heart filling with love. "you're cheesy, you know that?"

"perhaps," he grinned, "but you adore it."

"perhaps i do," you confessed, the tension in your chest melting away now entirely. "just a little."

he leaned against you, the sly grin on his face as his lips whispered against yours in a soft kiss. "just a little?"

you smiled against his lips, the sense of his warmth spreading through you like the gentlest kind of comfort. "okay, perhaps a great deal."

"that's what i thought," he whispered, kissing you again, this time deeper, slower. like he was tasting the moment, like he was ensuring you both knew this was real, this was something you were going to cling to.

you smiled & leaned back a little, your forehead against his. "you know," you whispered, barely above a sound, "if i could spend every night like this, i'd be happy."

"me too," he said, his fingers running through your hair, drawing you back into his arms. "me too."

the gentle glow of the tv danced around the room, illuminating soft shadows on the couch where you & michael were snuggled together. all was calm, so calm that you nearly forgot the world existed outside of this moment. the soothing sound of his breathing & the rhythmic thump of his heartbeat against your ear made everything seem right.

until, of course, you heard the distant sound of footsteps from the hallway.

you blinked, the serene moment interrupted. michael must've heard it too because his body stiffened slightly, his hand reaching out to lightly rest on your back as he turned his head towards the door.

there was a gentle tap before the door groaned open, & there, in the doorway, was sloane. her dark eyes were opened wide in a mixture of sleep & curiosity, & she rubbed her eyes as if by accident.

you blinked in shock, but a gentle smile curled your mouth. "hey, sloane," you whispered, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful moment. "what's going on? why are you up so late?"

sloane shifted her weight, a faint flush rising to her cheeks. "i. um. i couldn't sleep. i was just. thinking about things," she stammered, her voice still heavy with sleep.

you raised an eyebrow, worry flashing in your chest. sloane wasn't typically one to struggle to sleep, & when she did, it was typically because something was wrong. you could tell she was holding something back, not wanting to confess why she was actually awake.

"sloane," you said quietly, your tone full of love, "you know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

she paused for a moment, but then nodded slowly, although she still did not look entirely at ease. "yeah. i just. i don't know. sometimes it's just hard to sleep."

you knew there was something more to it, but you didn't push her. instead, you shifted slightly on the couch & gestured to the space beside you. "come here, lovely. let's talk."

sloane didn't budge immediately, but after a moment, she crept over, crawling onto the couch next to you. you put an arm around her, drawing her into a hug. the hug was nearly motherly, & it came so instinctively to you that it was like second nature.

michael moved a bit, but he didn't look uncomfortable. he knew the relationship you had with sloane, just like he knew the relationship you shared with everyone at the house. you weren't just a friend to them▰you were like their secret garden, the one they could rely on.

"hey," you murmured softly to sloane, "you know you're not pestering me, right? if something's troubling you, tell me. we'll sort this out."

sloane let out a deep sigh & leaned against your shoulder, wrapped in your embrace. "i know. i just. i don't want to intrude on you & michael. you two look like you're snug as a pair of bugs.

you chuckled, gently stroking her hair. “don’t worry about us. you’re never a bother. but you should probably head back to your room, huh?”

sloane looked up at you with a small frown. “i don’t want to sleep alone.”

you smiled softly at that, the protective instinct inside of you flaring. “you’re not alone, sloane. you’ve got cassie, remember? she’s in the room with you.”

“yeah,” sloane muttered, “but she’s already asleep.”

you smiled softly & glanced at michael. he nodded slightly, understandingly, his hand on your back as if he were giving his silent approval to the moment. "how about this," you told sloane, "you go to your room, & i'll escort you there. if you're still upset, we can discuss it tomorrow, okay?"

sloane paused, but then nodded. "okay." she murmured.

you got up, still holding sloane gently by the shoulders, & began to lead her towards the door. when you reached it, you turned back to her. "sloane, it's all right to be vulnerable sometimes. you don't have to keep that from me. okay?"

sloane's face relaxed, & she smiled at you weakly. "yeah. i guess so."

you smiled back, hugging her quickly before she turned to go towards her room. "get some sleep, s," you whispered. "i'll check on you in a bit."

she nodded, a bit more at ease now as she headed toward her room. "goodnight, you two," she said softly, just before heading down the hall.

you faced back toward the couch, your heart feeling a bit lighter now that sloane was at least going back to her room. you headed back to michael, who had waited patiently for you to finish soothing her.

he looked at you as you came back to sit at his side, a warm smile on his face. "everything alright with her?”

"yeah, just. a bit disturbed," you told him, getting back into your seat beside him. "but she's going back to her room now."

michael nodded, his arm instinctively coming around you as you leaned back against him. the heat between the two of you still lingered, constant &,,, unchanging even after all that had occurred.

"you're good at this," he murmured, his lips feathering across the crown of your head in a gentle kiss. "good at taking care of everyone."

you smiled up at him, your heart filling with his words. "well, i am their emergency contact, so,, it's easy." you whispered. "but. it's not always easy, is it?"

he sighed, wrapping you closer so that you were snuggled under his arm. "no. it's not. but i'm glad you're here with me."

you curled into his chest, the beat of his heart calm you like a lullaby. "me too. i don't think i could do it without you."

there was silence for a moment, and then michael kissed your forehead, the touch so soft that you hardly felt it. but you did, and you dissolved into it, sensing the gentleness in the way he wrapped his arms around you.

"you're not doing it for them, though," he whispered, his voice low & seductive. "you're doing it for yourself too. & that's what makes you unique."

you gazed up at him, a gentle smile playing on your lips. "you're cheesy, you know that?"

"you adore it," he smiled, his fingers stroking along your jawline.

you smiled & drew him into a kiss, slow & deep. michael kissed you right back, his lips against yours like he couldn't get enough of you. the kiss was sweet at first, but then it deepened, becoming more desperate, more urgent. your hands wandered to his neck, your fingers tangling in his hair as you drew him in closer, desperate to feel the connection between you two, to drown out everything else in the world.

when you finally broke away, gasping, you gazed up at him, your vision misty with love.

"more?" he whispered, his voice a little hoarse.

you nodded, your forehead pressed against his. "always.

© MINORLYATFAULT 2025

[loveindefinitely]

༊*·˚ FOREVER WINTER (IF YOU GO) — task force 141 x reader

03 — MY COMPASS, MY TRANSPORT

featuring. simon 'ghost' riley + johnny 'soap' mactavish + kyle 'gaz' garrick + john 'bravo six' price + (non-endgame phillip graves)

warnings. nsfw, fem!reader, fmmmm, enemies to lovers, slow burn, polyamory, ghostsoap, pricegaz, alerudy, heavy angst, requited unrequited love, graphic violence

series masterlist. read on ao3.

<- previous part | next part ->

“I have nothing else to live for.”

It’s a truth. A deep, earnest one – and it’s the only option you have.

Without Graves, without your Shadows, you have nothing. No income, no family, no support. You're left with the clothes on your body and the shoes in which you stand, with no hope of finding your footing.

In the darkness, the only light shines from the headlights of the truck, and the red of the radio. It’s silenced, of course, but it serves as a beacon of something between you all.

“I don’t – I have no other choice,” you say, voice trembling. You would not break in front of them, but you could feel yourself cracking; porcelain underneath a harsh grip. Turning yourself so you’re completely facing the two, your expression turns desperate. “I want to help you both, and I want to save Phi– Graves.”

You correct yourself at the final moment, wary of your slip up.

“Save ‘im? From what? Feckin’ charges for war crimes? Getting his ass handed to ‘im?” Soap chokes out, incredulous, eyes wide where they meet yours. He winces when he moves forward too quick, straining his arm.

“He’s…” You look down at your hands, merely watching for a moment as they close into a fist and open again. Blood crusts underneath your fingernails. “He’s all I have. I’m sure he just needs a wake up call, someone to snap him out of it.”

“He tried to kill us,” Ghost speaks up, matter-of-fact, but quiet. As if at any moment, his words will wake up the entire city. If there were any civilians left in it, you supposed. Your eyes burn with unshed tears.

“...And I had to kill some of my men.”

It’s a confession of sin. Like poison on your tongue, yet at the same time, an anecdote to an evil in your veins. You’d killed your men. You’d… done that.

You still haven’t quite allowed yourself to realise it, not yet.

But if it’s enough to keep you alive right now, so be it. You hadn’t gotten this far just to give up over something as inconsequential as pride.

“Ye will tell us everything you know about ‘im. And’ll help us until we figure out what to do. We’re our own bosses now, Sweetheart,” Soap commands, that fucking nickname of his seeming to stick. You don’t dispute it – not right now, not when this is quite literally life or death.

“I promise,” you say, resolute and stern. There was no time for self-pity or wallowing, only time for action and conviction – something you had in spades. “I’m yours for as long as you need me.”

You hadn’t known how true those words would be – not then, and not for a good while. But they were a prophecy, if such a thing could at all be possible for a woman like you.

Soap and Ghost share a look; a brief, yet important one, before Ghost gives the Scot a short nod. Soap turns once more to you, his face betraying the answer of their silent agreement.

“...So?” You suggest, impatient considering the consequences of the next few moments. 

Bringing a hand up to stroke at his stubbled chin, Soap makes an act of pretending to ponder – and it succeeds in stoking the flames at your core, fury burning through you like a liquor-soaked rope.

“I dunno, lass,” he says on a sigh, his ocean eyes betraying a mischief in their depths. “Yer kinda mean to me.”

You might choke him.

Actually, check that, you will choke him. He’s impossible – an arsehole to the nth degree – somehow worse than Ghost in his… foolishness? Was that the right word? Or just straight frustrating-ness?

Seeming to sense your thinning patience, Soap’s hand falls from his jaw with a mirthful smirk, proud of himself. 

“If ye say pretty please, ye can join our lil’ duo.” He finishes the statement off with a wink, and you don’t realise that your hands have curled into fists until the sharp pain of nails digging into your palms force you to resort back to your senses.

You let out a slow, loud breath. 

Neither of them move a muscle, except for the twitch of Soap’s dimple. You hate that you recognise such a small movement, but you easily blame it on the fact that it’s a drilled-in mentality.

“...Please,” you acquiesce, however quiet. 

Ghost’s eyebrow raises. How you’re aware of that, considering his mask, is a props to him. 

“That’s not what he asked for.” His voice is a low, husky thing, and the title of guard dog suddenly doesn’t sound so incorrect.

With your teeth gritted and cheeks straining, you mutter out, “Pretty please.”

Soap’s responding smile is nothing short of beaming, and you almost immediately wish that you could take those words back. Was death really so bad? Would it even be a mercy, compared to deciding to share a threadbare camaraderie with these weirdos?

Too bad time control isn’t exactly a well-researched military weapon.

“Let’s go then,” Ghost slaps his gloved hand against the steering wheel, before looking one last time towards you with purpose, “Sweetheart.”

Soap laughs.

You get out and slam the door in his face.

“Och! You feckin’ bastard, lass,” you hear him screech, before the door opens once more and Soap hops out, fuming.

Turning away, you fall behind Ghost, and quickly take a look around at the vast, empty area that is barren suburbia. Not before responding, however.

“Next time you get shot, I’m not taking care of your ass,” you threaten. “And I’m giving the rest of my sweets to Mr. Melodramatic.”

Soap’s returning mock gasp is, in all fairness, pretty comedic. “You have more sweets? Gimme those and ye lovely bedside manners ‘nd I’ll get a cavity!”

Your returning glare could cut steel. “Keep that up, and you’ll end up with bigger issues than a cavity.”

“I think ye are already the bigger issue,” Soap snaps back, but it’s not inherently malicious. It’s… borderline playful, and that sudden thought has you internally slapping yourself.

“Both of ya – quiet,” Ghost warns.

You both shut up immediately.

With wary steps, the three of you go to step up towards the front door, when Ghost swings out a hand, stopping the lot of you in your tracks. The night doesn’t allow for any of you to see well, but he must’ve picked up something that you hadn’t.

The thought is an immediately terrifying one.

“Pressure plates,” Soap murmurs under his breath, eyeing the square linoleum tile. “Nice catch, Lt.”

Ghost doesn’t respond, instead motioning for you to follow him towards a glassless window. Gravel crunches underneath your light footfalls, easily heard in the deathly quiet, as you move to swing your leg over the access point and drop to the floor inside.

Landing with a soft thud, you go to unfurl from your crouching position, before a loud warning shout from Ghost has you freezing.

Flinching where you stand, your eyes dart to where Ghost has flung one of his daggers, the sharp metal splintering a wooden beam further into the dark room. Realising that Soap sits at your flank, you shift your gaze to spot a red light focused in on his forehead – between his eyes.

“¿Quien esta ahi?” An unfamiliar, accented voice calls out from behind the beam. You could slap yourself for being so careless, in not realising that someone else was in here before Ghost had saved your arses. 

“Rodolfo!” Soap calls out, relief flooding his tone as he rights his position, shoulders back.

A man peeks out from behind the wood, eyes wide and slightly panicked, before they soften at the sight of the two men behind you. “Soap! Ghost! You’re alive!”

Stepping out from around the beam, he reaches for Ghost’s dagger, pulling it away from where it had dug into the oak with undeniable ease. His appearance is striking, with a set jaw and gentle features – he’s quite pretty, but not at all in a way that you find yourself attracted to the man.

“Affirmative,” Ghost responds, accepting the knife back when the man – Rodolfo – hands it to him hilt-first.

“Good to see you, amigos,” Rodolfo smiles, before his appraisal sets on you, confusion sparking in his deep brown eyes. He looks to the two men at your side for an explanation, hesitant in the way he does so.

“This is…” Soap trails off, before coming to a realisation. “Feckin’ hell. I never even asked for yer name, Sweetheart.”

Rodolfo blinks. Once, twice, before his eyebrows furrow and his mouth settles into an uncomfortable grimace.

You shoot a glare Soap’s way, before gifting Rodolfo a polite, yet stilted, smile. Extending your hand, you give him your name, and then your official title.

“Colonel? Graves’ colonel?” Rodolfo repeats back, utterly taken aback by such an introduction. He doesn’t seem to know what to do, quickly hissing to Soap in unamused Spanish, “¿Has perdido la cabeza?”

“I saved his life,” you interrupt, before any verbal sparring begins. “And I’m on your team. I don’t agree with what Graves is doing – and I’m sorry for what he’s already done. But I want to help you. I swear.”

Rodolfo regards you for a moment, his internal walls still heavily locked in place. But he seems… softer, now, in a way. More understanding, maybe, less hesitant as he slowly appraises you, inspecting you under his critical analysis.

The silence stretches, before the soldier raises his hands placatingly, the left side of his mouth twitching into a smooth smirk. “No accusations from me, Corazón,” he reassures, the pet name sliding from his full lips like butter over warm toast.

“Aye, none of tha’,” Soap warns, and Rodolfo’s amusement deepens. Whatever the Scot is about to say next is abruptly stopped by Ghost’s booming demand from behind you both.

“Anyone outside of these walls is now considered a hostile – we’re a team now. This happened under my watch, and I’d bloody well do good to fix it.” His posture is stiff, hand unconsciously flexing around the blade strapped to his belt as he delivers the order. It’s the most you’ve ever heard him speak in one shot.

You figure he’s stopped speaking, when suddenly his heavy gaze is on you, any ounce of solidarity snuffed out like a match’s flame. “You fuck up once, Sweetheart, and I won’t hesitate when I shoot ya dead.”

It’s as good of a compromise as you’re going to get from the hulking Lieutenant, but you weren’t made Colonel for your talents in stepping down.

“You forget that I outrank you,” you challenge, chin raised and eyes flinty. “And that I saved your mutt.”

“We don’t have a feckin’ dog,” Soap starts, but when he sees the way Ghost side eyes him, and how you give him an unimpressed look, his jaw drops. “Ye bastard! Shoulda killed ya –”

Rodolfo’s hand wraps around Soap’s forearm, the grumbling man twisting in his hold, but not putting up anything close to a fight. “She’s just stirring you up, hermano,” Rodolfo placates, his large eyes meeting yours with a hint of respect in them. It has you straightening your spine, and your resolve.

“We sort this out as equals,” you state, folding your arms over your chest and bucking your hip. Ghost doesn’t, for a single second, shift your mutual eye contact. “And you will all tell me what the fuck’s going on – and what we’re doing.”

“Alejandro,” Ghost quips, sharp and to the point. Finally, you think, his near-black eyes drift to Rodolfo. “We need him back.”

“He’s the only other lad we can trust out there,” Soap adds, his pout easing slightly. Rodolfo finally drops his hand, clapping it hard against the petulant man’s shoulder with a firm nod.

“Already got a head start, hermanos,” he gestures for the three of you to follow him further into the room, before his calculating eyes glance back at you, “y hermana.”

It’s an unknown, entirely different feeling that erupts inside of your chest at the inclusion. Rodolfo was clearly the most soft spoken man of the three, but he had an intelligence to him that you couldn’t wait to unpack. And he trusted you. Or so you had gathered, anyway.

However.

First things first.

“...Where’s Alejandro? I thought he was Mexican Special Forces?” It was, admittedly, a unique kind of embarrassing – how out of the loop you felt, considering you were a colonel under Graves’ command. You’d heard the man’s name before, but it was usually just paired with barracks gossip and warnings to steer clear. Some joke about how the only one who could kill Alejandro, was the soldier himself.

Moving along with Rodolfo, you’re surprised when it’s Soap who supplies you the answer.

“Your fuckwit of a Commander’s got ‘im,” he curses, the words grating and harsh. Deserved, of course it was deserved, yet it was still odd hearing such disrespect for the man of whom you’d idolised for so long.

Of whom you’d given everything.

Switching a light on, Rodolfo stops in front of a large table, a map laid out across the top of it. Your eyes go wide at the intricacies – focusing as the man leans over and presses a finger towards a highlighted spot, watching the three of you where you stand on the other side. Dust floats near the source of the lamp, and the scent of grime hits you a moment later, a familiar thing.

“Graves is holding him here,” Rodolfo explains, his previously mischievous expression settling into a firm, military-grade frown.

“His own personal black site prison,” Soap scoffs, subconsciously flexing his fingers around the straps of his vest. His focus is utterly devoted to the map in front of him, but his anxiety shows itself through the tiniest of movements.

Rubbing his spare hand down his face, Rodolfo lets out a long, strewn-out sigh. “My men are locked in there, too.”

“Then let’s get them back,” you supply with a small shrug when all eyes shoot your direction.

“That’s obvious, lass,” Soap says, lacking any hint of his previous vitriol when he looks around the room. “How we get ‘em back is the question.”

“By breaking in,” Ghost answers, the retort as simple as breathing.

If you weren’t so receptive to body movements, to the smallest of expressions, you’d’ve missed it. Even then, you doubted that anyone could miss how Soap’s eyes soften when he looks to his Lieutenant, how his breath softly hitches in his throat.

You want to claw out your eyes with a rusty spoon.

By the look on Rodolfo’s face, he feels much the same – until he catches you staring, and then his face twists into something much more cryptic. Like a man trying to solve a puzzle without all of the pieces, being forced to jam spares into spots that just won’t fit.

“We need weapons,” you startle out, the words surprising even yourself. You don’t go back on them, don’t even think to. “If we want to stand a fighting chance – we need firepower.”

“Who said you’re with us?” Ghost questions snarkily, but when you go to reply, you find that Rodolfo’s moved to the corner of the room, switching on even more lights, displaying a wrought iron door.

Sliding it open, you feel like a kid on Christmas morning as you take note of the supplies within.

Rodolfo shrugs, but the small, smug grin on his face doesn’t dispel. “It’s well-stocked. This is Ale we’re talking about.”

The affectionate nickname is something you store away for later. ‘Well-stocked’ is certainly an understatement – guns of all types line the walls within the room, all types of bombs and grenades along with it.

“Alright,” Ghost huffs out, the closest to appreciative that a man like him can get.

Soap is much more upfront about his joy. “My man!” He laughs, his dimples etched into his features like the light spattering of freckles over his upper cheeks and nose bridge. “We’re gonna need new wheels. Preferably up-armoured.”

Digging into his pocket, Rodolfo pulls out a set of keys, tossing them over to Ghost with relaxed shoulders. Turning, shock must be evident on all of you, because Rodolfo lets out a low chuckle. “Your wish is my command, hermanos y hermana.”

To the far end of the room, within the adjoined stables, is a fully-armoured forward drive of some sort – sleek and black and fucking perfect.

“Alejandro thought of everything,” Ghost admires, and when you look to him, you swear that you can see a hint of hope shining in his darkened eyes. Your heart skips a beat on its own accord, and you’re absorbed by the all-consuming want to pull it out of your chest with your bare hands, just so it never does such a thing again.

“Yeah, he did,” Soap whistles, before turning back around to face your small band of misfits. With a determined grin, he says as if it’s an afterthought, “Let’s go get ‘im.”

With a stern resolve and an even sterner disposition, you walk alongside your newfound teammates, and get ready for the most difficult mission of your military career.

*

When you’d, stupidly, recklessly, decided to play good guy and helps out the 141 and Los Vaqueros, you hadn’t taken into account how you’d be at the bottom of the totem pole.

While the three men you were working alongside were all considerably close, you were an outsider. At that, an outsider who had, only a few hours ago, decided to swap sides from enemy to ally.

Being paired with Ghost is, arguably, the most gut-wrenching job in your life. By the time that Rodolfo finds Alejandro through the CCTV system, you’re nearly entirely covered in dried blood, and your head thumps with a headache.

Not a headache from war – a headache from the fucking twat with a shitty DIY job for a military get-up.

“You’re seriously the worst,” you grit out, wiping off a bit of Shadow blood that’s been sprayed on your cheek. “I seriously can’t fucking believe that any one of your mates can tolerate you.”

“Who needs ‘mates’ when I have my boys?” Ghost quips back, wiping off his bloody dagger onto his vest, before slotting it back into its rightful position on his belt. His ability to blend into the night, even with the prison lights on, is uncanny – the only tell the white of his stitched-in skull.

You mock a disgusted sound, sticking out your tongue. “You sound like a fuckboy.”

“A what?” And, although it sounds nothing like a choke, you’re sure that it’s an instinctual question.

The sound of a helicopter up ahead has the two of you pausing in your tracks, feud coming to a quick halt. Looking up, you struggle to see the vehicle in the black of night, but you manage to spot the slowly circling heli above the prison.

“Ghost, Sweetheart, what’s yer status?” Soap’s voice trickles in through your comms. Ghost glances at you, before he answers on your behalf, ever the control-freak.

“Comin’ your way.”

Falling into step side-by-side, you focus on the wet gravel underneath your feet, avoiding making any communication with the man to your right.

“Copy. We’re on the move,” Soap replies, before Rodolfo cuts in.

“Heads up on the helo,” he warns. You find that you much prefer him over the other two – in fact, under any other circumstance, you could see the two of you becoming good friends. Maybe, if everything goes well, that could be a possibility – a positive in your world of negatives.

“Don’t think we’re in his line of sight,” you respond, double-checking your route and the helicopter's position in the sky. Rodolfo had warned you all, debriefing in the drive here, that helicopters would likely show up at some point.

Minutes pass, with small comms between the lot of you, when you finally spot the familiar figures belonging to the other half of your precarious team. 

Soap and Rodolfo stand at the entrance, before the two turn at the sound of your and Ghost’s footsteps. They both seem to visibly loosen their stiff shoulders, seeing you both uninjured – and if you do the same, you pray that no one notices.

“The door’s locked,” Soap informs you all, gesturing to the steel entrance5.

With a small hum, Rodolfo reaches for the pack on his vest. “We’ll need to breach it,” he explains, but before he can grab a charger, Ghost raises a hand to stop him.

“No, Rudy –” And that is a nickname that you’ll be using later, “Knock.”

Rodolfo seems apprehensive, but he agrees anyway, giving all three of you separate glances. “On me…”

All of you getting into readying positions, Rodolfo knocks on the door, the sound echoing loud enough to have your blood pounding in your ears.

A moment later, a Shadow – one you don’t recall having met – pushes open the door and moves to step outside. However, Rodolfo and Ghost are quick to neutralise him, softly dropping his body to the floor.

Pushing through the entrance, everyone except for you shoot a Shadow dead – clearing the room in less than twenty seconds. It’s impressive, how smoothly run the operation is, considering the lack of proper authority or guidance.

You’re the first to spot some more Shadows moving your way, down the stairs – calling it out. “More Shadows from the second floor – watch out!”

This time, you find yourself the cause of two men falling to the ground, blood pooling underneath their lifeless bodies. Your team doesn't give you time to second guess, to mourn, before they’re encouraging you to follow them up the stairs.

“Ale’s up here, let’s go!” Rodolfo urges, his voice bordering on a kind of desperation reminiscent of a boy enlisting for the first time.

Like expected, Alejandro’s cell is down the hall, sat to the far right. Two Shadows guard the steel door, but Soap and Rodolfo are quick to light them up, successfully clearing the entire two floors. You’re ashamed of how relieved you feel, being gifted the small mercies of not having to kill your previous subordinates, unless necessary.

You feel, more than see, Ghost’s heavy gaze on you. When you look back up from the gun in your hands, however, he’s turned completely away – and if you were a less accurate person, you’d have thought you were imagining things.

“There’s Alejandro’s cell.” Stopping at the steel door, Rodolfo adjusts his grip on the gun, before giving you an encouraging jerk of his head. “Open it up, me and Soap will cover you.”

Another small mercy, you think, as Ghost reaches into his backpack and pulls out a set of bolt cutters, regarding you stiffly. “When I pop this lock, you push in,” he directs you curtly, and you bite back a retort. You knew the process like the back of your hand – you had no need for an explanation.

The ‘especially from him’ goes unsaid.

With precise, practised movements, Ghost positions the bolt cutters, and pushes open the door.

As soon as you take one step into the cell, a large hand wraps around the back of your neck, slamming your face into the concrete wall, a blinding pain shooting through your retinas. Letting out a small yelp, your chest rattles as your hands wildly raise in an imitation of surrender.

“Alejandro! Let go of ‘er! It’s us!” Soap calls out, and you swallow unhealthy amounts of air. That hit had taken more out of you than you’d expected – and your harsh breaths were making that incredibly apparent.

The grip on the scruff of your neck slackens when Rodolfo shoots off in quickfire Spanish, “Coronel, relájate, cabron, somos nosotros.”

Your cheek aches and your head pounds as the hand removes itself entirely, allowing for you to take in lungfuls of oxygen.

“Soap, Ghost!” Alejandro bursts out, and as you rise to your feet unsteadily, you watch as he thumps both of them on the back of their shoulders, before turning to Rodolfo with an expression that could only be described as longing. “...Rudy.”

“Didn’t think we’d leave ya, did ye?” Soap chuckles, oblivious to the thread of tension between the two men. 

Whatever silent conversation had occured between the two enforcers is quickly cut as Alejandro accepts the shake of Soap’s hand, a feral grin wide on his features. “What took you so long, pendejos?”

“A traitor with an attitude is what,” Ghost inputs, and really, how much self control can a Lieutenant lack? Wiping at your cheek, you let your hand fall once more to your side as you meet Alejandro’s inquisitive gaze head-on.

“I’m Graves’ previous colonel,” you extend your hand, “And I’m your best bet at getting your base back.”

You expect suspicion, uproar, maybe – or at least questioning, similar to that of Rodolfo’s.

Instead, all you’re met with is Alejandro’s manic smile sharpening, and a slap on the back of your own. Ruffling your hair, he uses his free hand to accept the gun Rodolfo’s extending towards him, shooting you a knowing glance.

“Sounds good, hermana. Welcome to how real men fight.”

taglist. @lilpothoscuttings @jng-yuan @iruzias @insatiablekittie @1wh4re1nova @kaoyamamegami @supernaturalstilinski @inthemiddle0feverywhere @msecho19 @nogood-boyo @alfa-jor @lalashhyl @letmeapologise @honeybeeznutz @1mawh0re

[suckerforblondeathletes]

Its you, it always has been - Caitlin Clark .2

Caitlin Clark x teammate reader

Summary: Caitlin shows up to Kate house to get reassurance from her friend. One thing leads to another she confronts Connor and confesses.

Warnings: Connor, cheating?, Kissing, hinting to sex

Authors note: This is ass but enjoy!

“Damn what happened to you” Kate says with a laugh as she opens the door wider to let Caitlin in. She hasn’t seen Caitlin look this shocked in a while. It has been two days since the Connor and shower incident. Lets just say y'all woke up together..

“Am I gay?” Kate laughs out loud at Caitlins words. “Oh my god Caitlin, I don’t know.” Kate can barely get the sentence out from all of the laughing. Never heard her friend say something like this. “KATE I FUCKED ONE OF OUR TEAMMATES AND I LIKED IT AND I THINK I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER BUT IM WITH CONNOR AND I DONT EVEN FUCKING LIKE HIM BUT I LOVE THIS GIRL SO MUCH” Caitlin screams out in one breath. Making Kate’s laughing stop immediately and her face drop.

“Oh, umm okay.” Kate says, still in shock on what just happened. “Well, umm come and sit.” She gestures to the grey couch. Caitlin practically runs to it and faces Kate, putting her hands on Kate’s knee for her to be serious. “Kate, I liked it. She told me she did as well and she said she would do it again if she had the chance.” “Who?” Kate asks like a teenage girl in middle school, hearing the latest gossip her friend is spilling. “Promise you won’t say anything.” Immediately after Caitlin says it Kate throws up her pinky. “I promise”

“Okay, it’s ____” Caitlin says under her breath, almost inaudible but Kate heard it, she knew she heard it when Kate gasped like she just witnessed a crime scene. “Be so for real.” She said. Not believing the brunette. “Kate I’m dead fucking serious. And I’m in love with her. Is that gay?” Caitlin asks furrowing her brows asking the question. “Yeah that’s really gay Cait. So what are you gonna do?” Seconds pass before Caitlin answers “I don’t know. What will the public think?” “If it’s true love you feel for her, it doesn’t matter what they think”It feels like a century before Caitlin speaks again“You know what. Fuck it.” She says before jumping off Kate’s couch and running out the door. “Text me!” Kate screams before the door shuts.

-

Caitlins Pov:

I take a deep breath looking at our apartment. I’m about to do this, I don’t know what will happen. To be honest, I’m fucking terrified.

I grab my key and open the door. Connor is sitting on the couch. Not alone.

“Wow” I say, clapping my hands and slowly walking into the living room. “God!” He jumps, apparently very focused on the blonde on his chest. The naked one in fact. “Caitlin! What the fuck are you doing here!? I thought you left!” “It’s my apartment Connor. It was ours! But now it’s mine. Get out or I’m calling the cops!” I scream at him. The girl on his chest, well not anymore, looking absolutely terrified as she runs to grab her stuff and leaving quickly.

“Your gonna kick me out of my house?!” He screams at me. It doesn’t affect like it used to. “Do you pay bills? Do you clean? Do you cook? No you don’t. So get the fuck out.” He rolls his eyes at me, knowing he can’t fight me on that. “You’re so fucking sick. I hope you fucking die. I hope you loose all your fans doing this. They will see how abusive and toxic you are.” “Oh I’m sure they will, get the fuck out. Take your shit with you.”

I stand at the glass door, watching him and that girl walk away. I feel like my past just walked away from me. He was supposed to be my future. But I’ve found that somewhere else, I’ve found someone else. Some who loves me and cares for me. Someone I deserve.

－

Reader Pov:

I pull up to her apartment after her text. I run up the steps to see her at the door. We make eye contact through the glass door. I see tears start to fill her eyes as she send me a smile. She did it.

I rush to open the door and when I do I wrap my arms around her neck quickly. Hers going to their home at my waist. “I’m proud of you, you did what needed to be done.” I say, pushing on the back her head to be deeper in my neck. “I love you.” She says in my neck. My heart drops. She pulls her face out of the crook of my neck to look in my eyes. “I love you too” I pull our faces to meet.

Our lips lock perfectly. Like a puzzle, waiting to be solved. Questions are silenced, the world goes quiet. Nothing but our screaming love for each other. She pulls away to look in my eyes “I love you."

－

[olinblogin]

omg the rodger x reader one im invested now-

can you do part 2??

Absolutely! I actually had tons of fun with the first one!!!

This is certainly a longer one btw so eat up my Rodgerlings

🔎A TWISTING OF FATE🔎

(PART TWO) YANDERE!RODGER x GN!FORENSIC!READER

CW/TW: Sorta fluff??? Kinda dialogue heavy, Obsession confession, pining, mentions of gore/crime stuff, goofy-ish ending

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⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

When you had finally gotten to the sheriff's office the raining had slowed to a lazy drizzle, the dampness in the night air still hung heavily and made the ground stick to the bottom of your shoes.

Finding your way to Rodger's office, your steps were punctuated with slight squeak, adding to the tension hanging in the air.

The thoughts of why he wanted to see you in private were running through your head like a freight train. Did he want to discuss the case further? It wouldn't be unheard of. He IS the expert of these cases, after all.

Outside his door, you knocked on the oak door softly and pushed through, peeking your head through to see Rodger sitting at his desk, going over some paperwork per usual. The desk was cluttered, and he hadn't seemed to notice you just yet. His brow was furrowed and he was tapping his pen against the side of his head.

"Rodger?" You called out quietly to get the man's attention.

Rodger would get startled, sitting up in his desk and tensing, clutching the papers and accidentally crumpling a few... he relaxed ever so slightly when seeing you at his door, yet his shoulders stayed tight.

"Ah, you're here..." He cleared his throat and smoothed himself out... "Please, have a seat." He gestured to the chair across from his desk, his eye following you as you sat down and got comfortable.

Once you were comfortably perched, you observed Rodger's demeanor... he was plenty of things--calm under extreme pressure, methodical, distant--basically most people's dream guy. But there was something about the way he kept avoiding your gaze, looking everywhere but at you... he was hiding something.

Maybe it was the way his fingers drummed against the desk, the slight sound of his leg bouncing anxiously that gave away his nervousness, or even the shallow breaths he let out.

He let out a deep breath and continued to keep his gaze off of you. "There's something I've been needing to say to you for a long time, [Y/N]. Something to admit. Something I haven't been able to entirely admit to myself..." he spoke with caution.

Your interest was immediately piqued, but you didn't interrupt him. You made a silent gesture for him to continue further.

"Over our time working together over the years, I've grown... attached to you." He spoke before standing from his desk and holding a file close, reading through it and pacing around. "At first, I thought it was just a simple admiration, an appreciation of you,"

His words weight heavily upon himself, the added gloominess of the drizzling rain outside didn't help in the slightest. "But I believe it's more than that... it's--" He paused, trying to find a less ill sounding word... "It's obsession, really." He mentally winced at the only word he could think to describe his feelings, not daring to look at you.

You froze for a moment, your gaze burning into his back. "I know you probably don't understand, I don't understand it either..." He spoke with frustration growing in his tone before whipping around and striding up to you, throwing the file back down on his desk,

"I've watched you--every move, every word you've said... It's not just the work; it's you. You're all I can think about. All day, every morning when I wake up, when I'm at work... all I dream about at night! The cases we've worked together... the way you handle yourself-- the way you stand up to me when I'm being an ass!--" His voice slightly rose, looking at you with a longing anxiousness, his hands sliding to wrap his hands around the armrests of your chair.

Rodger, paused to catch his breath and take a step back... he leaned back slightly and looked down at you, "And when you leave, when you're walking away, It makes me feel empty. Like something is missing from my very soul..." His large and callused hand shakily laid on top of yours, his thumb brushing against your knuckles. "You make me feel like a person in this godforsaken place. Like I'm not just a drone living day-to-day."

The intensity of his confession hung heavily in the air with thick unspoken truths, leaving you absolutley speechless, unable to force out any words. How could you even respond to this...? To someone who poured their heart out to you so intensely.

Rodger, while still gently cradling one of your hands in his, brought his free hand up to drag down his glass face, and let out a soft, bitter chuckle, seeming to not even believe what he'd said. "I--I'm not asking for your reciprocation [Y/N]. But I... you don't know how badly I've wanted to simply just touch you like this." He said, looking down at the gentle hand he cradled, the hand that was coated with blood almost every day. The hand that gently brushed against his when you gave him debriefs... the hand he wished would hold his face.

His eye burned into you with passion, raw with vulnerability and something dark. Something possessive and desperate. His next words hung heavily in the air,

"I can't just keep pretending I'm your colleague. Just the detective you call for help... not anymore." He said softly before standing up, now holding both your hands in his, cupping them together. "I'm sorry... I understand if you don't feel the same." Rodger would let go of your hands and turn his back to you... the silence was heavy in the room, like he was waiting to hear you reject him, scream at him, throw something. But it never came.

His composure had completely crumbled in front of you, showing you a vulnerable and passionate man, the desperation and pleading gaze he held on you made you shiver softly.

Your heartbeat quickened. His confession, admission of his passion and obsession with your mere presence, it was shocking. But it felt right.

Rodger shifted slightly, not daring to face you, and circling his desk to sit back down, gaze not daring to align with yours.

"I know I've been distant." Rodger interrupted the silence, clasping his hands together on his desk. "I know I've kept my distance far from you... I'm sorry. I just couldn't stand to be near you knowing you likely didn't feel the same."

His eye narrowed with a hint of agitation, "I hated it. Watching you from afar, the way the other officer's eyes would linger on you. It enraged me." He admitted softly.

You suddenly stood up, and he was ready for you to leave without a word. But what he wasn't expecting was you walking around his desk and standing over him. His breath hitched as he could feel the warmth radiating off you. He had to resist the urge to just let his arms coil around you to hold you close.

There was something so heartbreaking, yet so endearing in the way he let his heart bleed for you, letting himself be vulnerable for what was likely the first time in years.

Placing your hands on his shoulders, just at the corners of his neck, looking down at him with a tenderness that made his heart clench. "Rodger..." you hummed simply, still trying to find the words to say.

"Rodger," You spoke in a firmer tone in a soft whisper, "I feel the same..." you whispered before gentle brushing the crows feet on the corner of his eye, watching him lean into your touch.

His breath hitched at your words, his hands shakily coming up to gently hold your sides, like any wrong move and he'd bruise you. "you don't know how long I've dreamt this for." He said tenderly. "I've wanted you so dearly... it pained me."

Your hands cupped his face, thumbs running up the delicate wooden frame, his own large hands cupping over yours as if to keep your hands there.

"I know I'm not easy to be around. I know I'm not exactly the most lovable person... but I just can't stop thinking about you. I know I've been holding back... but-- please... just please don't leave me." He said with a pained expression, grasping your hands as if you'd slip away if he let go.

You continued to rub circles on the frame of his face, "I'm not going anywhere, Rodger, I promise. I want this." You soothed him, one of your fingers brushing against the handle of his magnifying glass head and making his shudder just slightly.

"I love you, [Y/N]. I love you so much..." Rodger whispered softly, standing up and moving his arms around you to hold you close.

"I love you too, Rodger." You replied tenderly, holding his face and leaning in closer. Your warmth pressed against him made him feel comforted, one of his hands flat against the small of your back as he slowly leaned in to follow your lead.

"Hey, Rodger..?"

"Yes, love?” "How do I kiss you.."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

Aug 11th

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1. Hi guys! This will probably I think goes in the fic finder.

So all I remember is wangxian had gotten together, it was post cannon I think? And they go on a hunt together along with Jiang Cheng or maybe they meet Jiang cheng on the way but either ways, things go wrong and the demon slashes wwx's neck and somehow they all fall down a cliff where lwj and jc try to keep wwx alive.

Thank you!

FOUND? The Warmest Hands by AvoOwO (M, 46k, wangxian, JC & WWX, WWX & LSZ & LWJ, major character injury, hurt WWX, blood & gore, heavy angst w/ happy ending, blindness, PTSD, alcoholism, fights, JC & WWX reconciliation, non-sexual intimacy, tenderness, WIP)

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2. Hi! I hope you are doing well. Please help me find this fic. Wwx erased himself and travel back in time. Wwx saw his parent and they have a little bit conversation, such why the couple never had a child or something. I remember there is a scene where wwx ask ‘how do you know I’m your son?’ then I think csr said ‘I always recognized my husband face everywhere’.

Please help me. Thank you!!!

FOUND? This unrolled threadfic by cerbykerby (WIP)

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3. For a fic finder:

It was during an AU version of the sunshot campaign where people thought that WWX and YLLZ were separate people and LWJ had fallen for both. LWJ decides to gently let down YLLZ but realizes that the two are the same person because he played/recognized wangxian. Thank you for all the help you provide

Number three on the current finder “The Scarlet Lotus” is wrong, the fic im looking for was a one shot. Thank you for the suggestion, may read the suggested fic later to try it out

NOT FOUND The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

FOUND! Found the fic, it’s Lan Wangji and the Love(s) of his Life by baobeibaobae (T, 4k, WangXian, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Kissing, First Kiss, Marriage Proposal, Love Confessions, Happy Ending, Oblivious WWX, Flirty WWX, Jealous LWJ, Courting Rituals, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, JC is a Good Bro). Thank you anyway and have a nice day

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4. Hello! I'm trying to find this fic where WWX was transported into the body of a female Mo Xuanyu and promptly feels dysphoric about it. When LWJ finds him and takes him back to the Cloud Recesses, he helps WWX feel more comfortable and even allows him to change Mo Xuanyu's name into something else. Somewhere by the end of the fic, it's revealed that the reason why LWJ knows so much about "gender cultivation" is because he himself is trans and found ways to help himself transition.

I can't find it anywhere and I don't wanna lose hope in case it's deleted. Thank you for your help!

FOUND! In Reflection, Truth by Shadaras (T, 55k, WangXian, WWX is summoned into a woman's body, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Gore, this is a story about being transgender, Dysphoria, Misogynistic Slurs, Ableist Language, it's not slow burn if it's going to be faster than canon, Trans Male Character, Trans wish fulfillment, Canon Divergence - Yunmeng Brothers Have A Real Conversation)

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5. Hii hope you're having a good day!! I was wondering if you could find a fic where wei ying gets his original body back, completely unrecognisable, and decides to stroll around gusu in lan zhans clothing. People see lan zhan and wei ying together and assume that wei ying is a new consort. They later go together to a conference meeting where everyone gets mad because they think lan zhan is cheating

FOUND? Is Your Old Body Considered a Halloween Costume? by The_peregrine_falcon (G, 3k, WangXian, WWX's original body, Junior quartet makes an appearance, LQR's blood pressure is going up, LWJ is chief cultivator, Fluff, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon)

FOUND? How Odd by bedheadrat (M, 35k, WIP, WangXian, Case Fic, Fluff and Smut, BAMF WWX, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Rich LWJ, Genius WWX, Separation Anxiety, Demonic Cultivation, Evil Plans, Touch-Starved, lwj’s white robes kink, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Seduction, Misunderstandings, Not Cheating, Threats, Vandalism, Stealing, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon)

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6. Hello! I sent in this ff a couple months ago with no luck. Hoping to try again to find it! The fic was set during the Cloud Recesses Lectures era and WWX was cursed to lie. Everyone else mistakenly thought he was cursed to only tell the truth, so when he says things like “I hate you” they believe it. WWX gets really depressed that everyone believes that he doesn’t care about them. The curse is eventually broken when LWJ realizes it is a lie curse not a truth curse. If this sounds familiar at all please let me know!

FOUND! A Kiss of True Love to break a Curse by Wangxian101 (T, 5k, WangXian, Teenage Wangxian, Not Canon Compliant, kiss of true love, curse of lies, truth curse, Angst, Fluff, When the only way to break the curse is to kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Teen Angst, They are in love your honour, Oblivious WWX, Oblivious LWJ, there is only one brain cell in this group and it belongs to JC, LXC is the biggest wangxian shipper, jc is a good bro, Love Confessions, Getting Together, Gremlin WWX, Happily Every After, LXC will gut anyone who hurts his precious little brother, True Love’s Kiss, JC is an awkward bean, LWJ POV, WWX POV, WWX is a closet romantic, WWX loves his romance novels, Protective JC, JC loves his gremlin brother, Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, it all works out in the end)

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7. About 4-5 years ago I read a fic where WW awoke as a god of luck/fortune/fate after the siege. He ends up saving a-qing and she ends up following him after "fixing" XXC's soul, as well as XY's soul being stuck in a sword. God!WWX also ended up saving MXY too. The fic is also very long. the first couple of chapters are average length, but the last few are between 30-70k each. @annacakes2

FOUND? despite it all by novalotypo (T, 292k, wangxian, canon divergence, god of luck WWX, memory loss, non-linear narrative, WIP)

FOUND? Wuqian, the Local God of Yiling by Grace_ShadowWolf (TaubeLePigeon) (M, 80k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ & LWJ, major character death, canon divergence, angst w/ happy ending, god WWX, Chinese mythology & folklore, pining, temporary character death, WIP)

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8. looking for a fic where jin zixuan is a demonic cultivator? it's an au or canon divergence fic where it was him who got the sword in xuanwu. appreciate all the help you give us <3

FOUND! no step had trodden black by Stratisphyre (T, 32k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, madam lan lives, past rape, golden core reveal, hurt/Comfort, referenced to attempted suicide & suicidal thoughts, canon-typical violence) most likely not this one, as JZX doesn't go full modao (or even guidao) in it, but he does certainly pick up the sword and is influenced by it; just in case this IS the right one, tho, JZX's bit comes up in chapter 3

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9. Hi! This is for fic finder. I dont remember much because i read that around 3 years ago. I hope this is not a mix between wo fic. I think its an arranged marriage story between Wangxian. Every month WWX leaves CRRS to visit the wen without anyone knowing but LWJ (i think he noticed) because LWJ make some arrangement that allows WWX leaves anytime he likes. 1 month and WWX still come back. Just like the following months until LWJ noticed WWX is not coming back. I think before that the two of them has a fight (? Not sure about this). LWJ search for WWX and found him. Instead of make his presence known, LWJ follows WWX in secret. WWX noticed of course and ignore LWJ. A few days like that and WWX relenta and calls LWJ to follow him without hiding. Thats all i can remember. I dont know if its an ao3 fic or thread fic. Thank you @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

9 is right. For the first half is right (wwx leave every few months) but not the second half (LWJ followed wwx while hiding). I think i mixed two different fic. But the "Light of Stars (and the Destroyer)" Is the one i meant. Thanks

FOUND! 🔒 Light of Stars (and the Destroyer) by Sanguis (T, 22k, WangXian, Legends, Arranged Marriage, Pining, Pining for your spouse, Adoption, Canon Divergence, Married Couple)

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10. hello! i was hoping you can help me find this fic where jiang cheng finds wwx’s journal in the burial mounds and he ends up experiencing(?) the events there. i read it ages ago and can’t find it. thank you!

FOUND? Waiting On You by SmellsLikeDeanSpirit (M, 26k, JC & WWX, WangXian, WIP, Graphic Depicitions of Violence, Major Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, Memories, Time Travel, Sort Of, the characters watching the show trope but different, WWX has magical diaries that force the reader to experience his memories, JC finds them and reads them, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Bashing, Bad Parent YZY, YZY Bashing, Canonical Character Death, he comes back tho, JC regrets, JC Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Hug)

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11. Thank you for all the work you do!! I've been driving myself crazy trying to find this fic. All I remember is one scene. At the Jin banquet, Jiang Cheng allows (sends?) WWX to dual Jin What's His Face. WWX obviously trounces him, but nearly has a flashback, prompting JC to pull him back when he realizes that maybe sending his traumatized brother into that situation wasn't the best plan.

It was either a canon diversion or a JC goes back in time fic, but I can't remember which. It was relatively long and it isn't recent.

Ring any bells for anyone? Thanks!! @kirk-spock-in-the-impala

FOUND? Lynchpin by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 103k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Fix-It) JC went back in time and he realized his mistake about the skirmish like right after it happened. The part that they are looking for is in chapter 2.

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12. Hiii thank you so much for the hardwork you do and I enjoy the fics here. I haven't seen this in fic finder yet. I remember lwj leaving gusu for yiling he brought his own money and it was used to buy food and stuff I think. By the end they sell at the market with kids styling lwj hair and gusu saw this the elders was mad mad with the vanity. Lxc asked for bunnies cause the ones in gusu dissapeared(. Thank so much be well.I wrote this today and there was error if there is two pls ignore 🙏) @ladyxyraine

FOUND? 🔒 Share Your Silence series by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (E, 138k, WangXian, Romance, Everybody Lives, Canon Divergence, LWJ Has Feelings, Protective LWJ, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, WangXian in Love, YLLZ WWX, Lan Clan Elders are Assholes, Minor Transgender Character, Qiongqi Path Divergence, LWJ loves his bunnies, Explicit Sexual Content, Burial Mounds, OCs, Drama, NMJ Qi Deviation, Awesome WQ, The Wen Twins, Wen JunZhu | MinYue (OMC), Wen YanJeng | MinYi (OMC), Fluff and Humor, WWX Has Feelings, Lotus Pier, mention of non-con roleplay, Sexual Roleplay, NMJ Needs a Hug, Nie clan sabers, baxia, Unclean Realm, Protective NHS)

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13. Hi im looking for a specific fic. The fic was on ao3 and was a modern au where Wei Ying realizes he might be a bit gay and kisses lan zhan but then freaks out, and they get a bit awkward. He then goes on to forums to see what others might think of his situation, he tries watching gay porn etc. and finds that he's dreaming of lan zhan. He ends up being jumped by homophobes goes on a drinking binge for the next few days as a result and hears that lan zhan has been staying in his room and hasn't been doing well, wei ying thinks it's because he kissed him but later finds out he sent lan zhan a homophobic message when drunk. Any help would be appreciated!!! @livesformitski

FOUND? it's always open by ScarlettStorm (E, 60k, WangXian, Modern, vague north american setting, First Time, Getting Together, Pining while fucking, Some angst, Happy Ending, not straight boy WWX but not NOT straight boy WWX, not practice kissing but not NOT practice kissing, that feeling when you know you're making bad decisions but keep making them anyway, LWJ FUCKS, Sexual exploration, demi WWX, not that he knows that yet, Kissing, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, confused but enthusiastic consent, WWX's not sure about all his options but he's got the spirit, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, truly absurd amounts of naked pillow talk, switch rights)

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14. Hi!! Thank you for all you do 🫶

I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3. It was one where I think WWX was brothers with Hua Cheng and Luo Binghe and I believe he was a god or something of higher power and as a trial he was born as the WWX we knew and he went through everything he did in canon. When he died he ended up back with Hua Cheng and Luo Binghe but LWJ couldn’t move on and he tried to find him there?

Thank you for your help!! @bigmeatycl0ws

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15. Hi! Kindly help me finding this fic. Wwx teaches the lan juniors to solve arrays. He makes it diffucult to solve so that he can have time with his husband. I think I remember they was a scene where JL ask the Lans how they can easily solves the arrays and then got jealous when he learn it was wwx who taught them.

FOUND? 🔒 A More Practical Approach by Elhana (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, Teacher WWX, Humour, POV Multiple, Implied Sexual Content, when you just want to get frisky with your hot husband but your in-laws crave their peace and quiet, huge conflict of interest right there, WWX is resourceful, wuxia magic shenanigans, Post-Canon)

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16. Hey, this is for the fic finder!

I'm trying to look for this specific Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue fic where NMJ gets reincarnated as NHS' cousin's son and promptly falls in love with LXC all over again. I can't remember the title and I've been trying to look for it so I can reread it ;w; I think Age Difference was tagged and there's scenes where LXC tries to dissuade NMJ from getting together but in the end they get married and NMJ recovers his memories from his past life.

Thank you in advance ;w;

FOUND? Song of us by Ziane (E, 142k, LXC/NMJ, JC/NHS, Post-Canon Fix-It, Explicit Sexual Content, Reincarnation, Happy Ending, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Soulmates References, Pining, Canon-Typical Gore, Novel Spoilers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Implied LSZ/LJY, Porn with Feelings)

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17. Hi!! I’m back with another request!

It was an ao3 fic where WWX had left the cultivation world behind because he/she (there was a male and female version I believe) was pregnant with A-Yuan and Jingyi and he/she wanted to give them a better life. LWJ does find them eventually (he’s the father) and he gets to meet the kids. They end up staying together and raising the kids there after LWJ fakes his death @bigmeatycl0ws

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18. Hi! I'm looking for a fic where LWJ and WWX have a sex and a love confession during the sunshot campaign. LWJ visits WWX during one night and asks to let him help WWX with his health after using demonic cultivation. WWX , in a fit of rage and a desperate act to drive away LWJ, behaves crudely and proposition him.... I think the name of the fic was "fool for you"? I'm not sure.

Thanks in advance! @grrumpywoof

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19. Hey! Thank you so much for your hardwork 😊😊

Im searching for a fanfic which is completed

Yu ziyuan is present in the sunshot campaign and wwx invents turtle shields. Yzy tries to show wwx as a traitor but fails.

Can you please help me in finding this fic?

FOUND? Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing)

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20. Hello! Could you help me find a fic where pre sunshot campaign ends up in a room to watch the future and 4 juniors from the future join them. The main pairings I remember are Wangxian where Sizhui is there biological child. XiCheng Jingyi is their biological child and of course XuanLi with Jin Ling. No one believes them until they pull their parents swords from their sheaths and explain because Wangxian and XiCheng have high cultivation Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng got pregnant. @megdbrew

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[sunnynwanda]

Hi! I’m reading through your master list and I saw that you asked for people to let you know if it was convenient, and it is! My only recommendation would be to add little descriptions under the links to tell us about what the story/oneshot/prompt is about so when scrolling through we know what we’re clicking on. Hope that helps! :]

Hi!

First of all, thank you for reaching out. I finally got my hands on doing this rec.

So, what do we think? I can make this the main masterlist or leave a link to it like a sort of extention (since it's so long). Everyone's opinion is welcomed. Thank you~

Hero and Villain Oneshots

Standards

When Villain barges in to kidnap Hero, they expect anything but to find Hero fast asleep on the couch, too exhausted to even make it to bed. So, taking care of them was only natural, right?

Newspaper clippings

When Villain found newspaper clippings from five years ago in their attic, they did not expect to see their own face on them. Even more surprising was the face of their spouse on it.

A dance with the enemy

The reception Hero was forced to attend proved to be an unbearable ordeal until the arrival of one particular guest.

Wedding bells 

Walking down the aisle to marry their nemesis had to be a dream... right?

Betrayal 

When Villain first met Hero, they did not expect to fall in love. What they did expect was the betrayal that followed.

Surrender 

On the virtues of oral communication or how to confess your feelings when you're an idiot.

Turn of events 

Shooting your nemesis by accident is bad enough, but when they're secretly your lover? Just Hero's luck.

Sea waters 

A twist of faith that led to the end of Villain and their Hero.

Repent

On how Hero's gift and memories turn into a curse.

Errors in translation

Hero's linguistic challenges with terms of hatred and affection.

Friends & Enemies

Two idiots stumbling over their own words or accidental confessions after a particularly rough day.

A solution *

Hero's mission is to find a solution to a problem. Or more than one.

Entertained *

Villain might just have an idea on keeping Hero entertained after their resignation.

Trouble of Mind

Hero learns that reading Villain's mind was a mistake the hard way.

Seduction Subversion *

When Hero decides to seduce Villain to keep them occupied for a night, they do not expect it to become a regular thing.

Supervillain is sick

Supervillain gets sick. Very, very sick. Will someone help him or is life about to get much, much worse for the master criminal?

[In]sanity

When Villain's lifeless body hit the floor, so did Hero's heart.

Similarity

Supervillain and Villain look eerily similar. Neither will acknowledge it.

Uccellino

When Hero uses the nickname given to Villain by their lover, their blood stills in their veins.

Creation

Villain was bored when they created life, infecting Hero's perfect creation with humans.

Reaching out

Villain does their best to push Hero away, for reasons. But will it work on Hero?

Villain & Sidekick

When the Villain falls in love with a mistreated Sidekick.

Rules to break

Rules to Villainy are meant to be broken.

[Im]balance

Villain's victory proves to be a bitter pill for them to swallow.

Making amends

Villain can forgive getting their arm broken by accident, but they draw the line at pity.

Soulitary

A prison guard's guide to befriending a supervillain.

Meet the parents

The one where Villain meets their Hero's parents, only to be faced by the greatest surprise.

Even odds

On academic rivals and evening out the odds.

Hellbent

A tale of Hero's gruesome crimes and Villain's revenge.

House of memories

After discovering their villainous past and defeat, Villain confronts Hero. Part 2 to the Newspaper clippings snippet.

Point of No Return

When the game takes a tragic turn, Hero has to make a choice.

Two to Tango *

Villain is being a little shit, leaving Hero no choice but to punish them.

In the Heat *

Negotiations gone wrong... or right.

Something Blue

Villain knew attending Hero's wedding was a bad idea, but he refused to be a coward again.

Heal me

Hero has a particular way of healing injuries, and Villain seems to enjoy it more than they care to admit.

Ruin

Waking the sleeping dog (aka Supervillain) might just be a bad idea.

Master

When Hero goes missing, Villain knows they need to find them. Little did they know that finding the dehumanised Hero would be the least of their concerns.  

Do Your Worst

Villain was stoic. Or so Hero thought, until an intoxicated encounter revealed a side of them Hero never anticipated to discover.

Spicy margarita

A spicy drink and a flirty Hero to make Villain's evening worth it.

Not his day

Being a doctor means having to treat even the stupidly stubborn Hero. And if Villain's first instinct is to choke her to death for being an idiot? Well, he'll have to manage.

Dream

When Villain takes the attack aimed for Hero, they are left broken beyond anything they've ever experienced before. Unwilling to be a burden, Villain dissapears.

New Toy

Superhero had just defeated the previous villain when the rookie villain popped up out of nowhere, looking criminally cute and flustered beyond imagination.

Bite me

Walking through an abandoned park at night was not the smartest idea, but it lead to interesting revelations concerning cute vampires and overly willing victims.

Birthday

Hero is a bit too excited for Villain's birthday.

Blow *

Hero needs cigarettes to relax, but Villain hates the smoke, so they have to get creative when it comes to helping Hero relax.

Hero and Villain Series

Wedding Date         Part 1      Part 2       Part 3       Part 4

Asking Hero to be their fake date to a wedding was not Villain's proudest moment, but it might end up being the best decision after all. Especially when their grandmother seems to approve.

True enemy              Part 1       Part 2

When Hero is attacked by someone far stronger than they can take, Villain is forced to reveal two things: their identity as the strongest villain in the history of existence and their affection for their sunflower of a hero.

Blind or Blinded      Part 1      Part 2

When Hero agreed to a blind date with their colleague’s good friend, they expected anyone but Villain to show up.

Kill me softly            Part 1      Part 2

An unexpected request by Hero that causes Villain to pull the biggest stunt they'd ever performed.

The Darkside           Part 1      Part 2 *      Part 3      Part 4

After Villain's escape from Supervillain's headquarters exposes the true nature of Hero's mentor, they have no choice but to investigate. But the things that they unearth still the blood in Hero's veins, leading them down the path of vengeance.

Done                         Part 1 *     Part 2 *

Villain is bored out of their mind, the confrontations no longer providing the thrill they crave. Hero decides to give them a different kind of rush.

The Lab Night Part 1 Part 2 * Part 3

Getting locked in a lab with your nemesis for the entire night is bad enough - but having to inhale aphrodisiacs all the while is so, so much worse.

Temptation Part 1 Part 2 *

Maybe pissing Hero off was not Villain's best bet, but they're damn sure Hero has never had a Christmas quite like this one - and neither have they.

Under the influence Part 1 * Part 2

What's a Hero to do when their Villain is drunk beyond belief and tries to hit on them?

Black hole Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

When Hero wakes up from a fever dream with a wedding ring on their finger and a wound between their ribs, they are forced to confront another constant in their dreams - Villain. Continuation for the Wedding bells snippet.

The Game Part 1 Part 2

Hero should have suspected something was off when Villain did not protest getting arrested, but who's to say they're not playing a game of their own?

Drop Dead Part 1 Part 2 *

Villain can't help flirting with Hero. Hero can't seem to take a hint.

Audio recording of my Betrayal story by Relm Works

Dragon stories 

Of dragons and princesses

When the dragon kidnaps a princess, he expects a knight to show up for her first thing in the morning. What he does not expect is that he won't be as willing to let her go.

Dragon in distress

When the news of the Princess’ kidnapping reach the Prince, he sets out on a quest to the Dragon’s lair. Except he’s not rushing to save the damsel. It’s the Dragon that needs saving from her.

The Legends of Vishaps

(Original characters)

The Escape

When Vanki is brought in front of the King for trespassing, he is terrified of being executed. But the King seems to have other intentions.

The Beginning

The day Vanki meets the King's children is the day that marks the beginning of his new life.

[pinazee]

Black and Tan: A Crime of Fashion

The MELANIE LYNSKY episode! (Or at least thats what i call it. upon seeing her on screen for 0.2 seconds i knew she was going to get pretty big. She’s such a phenomenal actress.) I honestly lowkey shipped her with shawn. She was so sweet and i feel like it brought out some of the sweet in shawn too. Shes also a character i wish would come back one day, like they do a murder mystery movie and they’re on her yacht or something idk shes really good friends with them all still, they could make it happen :)

Lassie has given up. He has resigned himself to his fate that Shawn will always be up in his shit for the rest of eternity.

LOOK HOW MUCH FUN DULÉ IS HAVING HERE! OHMYGOD HE FUCKING KILLED ME IN THIS EP!

why am i surprised he knows the name of the model in downtown Santa Barbara and is a huge fan? Im starting to see why Gus is single. He gets way too obsessed, but also, Shawn wasn’t kidding when he told that one chick he was willing to change everything about himself. This also adds a nice layer to Gus’s character because we see part of him wants that exclusivity and prestige. He wants to feel like someone others admire, which is brilliantly contrasted with Shawns more down to earth not really caring what others think vibes.

And speaking of contrasts, i love this bit; not only because its funny, but because it feels like a great metaphor for how shawn and gus approach life. Gus is trying so hard to win and Shawn doesn’t care and the outcome is the same.

And i think its so funny whenever Gus gets so obsessed with whatever world their exploring hes pretty much useless and Shawn has to be the rational one.

Every once in a while psych will do this POV shot in shawns perspective thats not being used to point out a clue and i think its really cool. I wish they would have done some more like it because its such a great way to show how shawns constantly aware of his surroundings even when he’s not on a case.

And this was brilliant! It has to be one of the best psych-outs in all of of Psych! Fucking legendary!

And this was brilliant too!

I felt so bad for shawn, playing middle man between henry and karen (which is the most unprofessional thing shes done haha), but it gave henry and shawn one of their best scenes at the end when henry is practically begging shawn to understand, like you can almost sense that he wants to confess right there that it was maddie who abandoned the family not him (or maybe im seeing that because i know its the truth. 🤷‍♀️) and shawn just doesn’t want to deal with it. Its interesting that henry was dragging shawn into it though, like he was using it as a way to see if shawn was okay with it now, cause otherwise he could have asked his friends right? It didn’t have to be shawn.

Honestly it shouldn’t have been. He knew it made him uncomfortable and he kept telling him to stop asking, but like always henry pushed it.

(Oh and also this kind of adds to the mystery of how well karen and henry know each other because she seems keenly invested in it, plus, when her friend told her he left a message she said that sounded like henry. So she must know him well enough that she can say this casually. Sidenote: that moment karen opens the door and Shawn looks horrified was priceless!)

Lastly, its interesting that shawn is proud to have never been in therapy when his mom is a psychologist. I feel like she would have instilled in him a better understanding of what therapy does and that its not something to be ashamed of. Likely the writers just hadn’t figured out maddies profession yet, but still.

P.S Everyone look at his jaw!

[alexa-yukiyu]

hey so i really liked your revenge and teasings story and wanted to ask if you could do a part 2 on that. Like when enel finally gets his karma etc

Revenge and policing ( ASL x sister!reader)

A/N Yall this is not a cook, I don’t like it but I had to answer I would delete it within the hour but Lee would have my head if I put a timer on a fic ever again, Im sorry yall, I will do better for you guys

Part 1 y’all listen I COOKED in part one so go check it out

Dividers by @/saradika

The Brothers had wasted no time planning a way to bring Enel his come-upping, as they now found themselves in the park going over the plan once again

Reader Leans against Ace as he tries his best to put a microphoned belt on her from the awkward position

Ace is struggling to put the belt on her, trying his best to get her to stop leaning on him

“You’re making this so much harder,” he grunts

“Im scared,” she mutters

"I know you are, but this is important, okay?" Sabo whispers giving her a quick kiss on the Temple

"Once the belt is on, you just have to make sure Enel confessed to what he did," Zoro, a friend of Luffy from the police force, explained

“That should be easy; he always gloats about it.”

Ace nods in agreement; they were sure to get the confession

"All we have to do is stay calm," he whispers to her

Ace finally manages to secure the belt to her hip and pulls her into his body, rubbing her back to reassure her that everything will turn out fine.

“That applies to you guys. Please don’t jump on the guy, even after we get him. I will not have you guys thrown in jail because of that bastard.”

Luffy and Ace exchange a look as Ace replies,

"No promises."

"Don't worry, we won't; we just want to make him confess his crimes in a normal manner first," Sabo adds

She sighs, knowing that was as close as she would get to a comprise

“Okay, it’s almost two… I think it’s time you guys head out; he should be here any minute.”

“We’ll be in the car, okay? If something happens, we are but a few minutes away,” Sabo says, gently holding her hand as he tells her

She nods, smiling at him as they walk away

Reader waits by the tree near the entrance to the park, waiting for Enel to arrive, the cold wind of winter was already making her shiver a little

Her shivers increase as the man of the hour slowly approaches her

She feels her heartbeat rise as he neared her, doing her best to avoid his gaze and stand as strong and straight as possible to prevent him from picking out how truly nervous she actually was.

“Finally showed your face? you ran away yesterday you damn bitch; you dare run away from your me?”

“I -I’m sorry you told me you didn’t want me there…”

He just laughed at her excuse

“Don’t you dare tell me bullshit like that. I expect you to stay beside me like a good little follower.”

He continues walking towards her

“Besides, I wasn’t done talking to you yet before you cowardly left.”

“You hit me…again”

He just smirks as he reaches her

“And I will do it again; maybe this time I won’t stop until I break every bone in your pathetic little body,” he said, smirking and raising his hand to hit her

She closes her eyes, waiting for the hit, only for her to hear a scream of pain coming from Enel instead and a familiar warmth on her face

She opens her eyes seeing a wall of fire in front of her, quickly recognizing the wall of fire from Ace’s and Sabo’s Mera-Mera fruit

Enel is stunned; Ace is standing in front of her, with Sabo being right behind him with a cold smile on his face.

“Do not touch a single strand of her hair again,” Ace says sternly

“Or what he growls, you can’t touch a hair on me, lest you want that school of yours to pay the price; you think they will believe a bunch of nobodies over me?”

“Are you okay, Reader?” Luffy asks, glancing at her slightly behind his brothers

“Im okay,” she said, taking off her belt

“Hey Enel”

Enel eyes narrow as he tries to calm his raging fury

“What?… What the hell do you want now?”

“Maybe they won’t believe some ‘nobodies,’ but maybe they will believe you,” she said, showing him the hidden mic with a grin

“you fucking bitch… he mutters, his electricity sparking” only to pause at the feel of something touching his head

“Enel, you are under arrest for battery and domestic abuse,” Zoro growls

Once he heard what Zoro said, he burst into laughter

“You have no evidence!”

“I witnessed everything, including you trying to hit her, and she has audio proof of your abuse,” Zoro snaps back, cuffing the self-proclaimed God

“You little who-

His words are quickly interrupted as the oldest of the brothers delivers a swift punch to his face

“Shut up, you’re done for, asshole,” Ace growls

“Hey, he just assaulted me. Are you not going to do anything?! I want to press charges,” Enel screams, glaring at Zoro

“I didn’t see anything,” he says with a smirk, pulling him along to the police car and saying his goodbyes to Luffy on the way

“It’s over…” Reader mutters, letting out a sigh of relief as she throws herself on one of the park’s benches

“you guys actually pulled it off.”

"Yeah, we did," Luffy replies happily with a proud grin

"Enel won't be causing trouble for you anymore, not when he's in jail," Ace adds with a smirk

"Are you sure you're alright?" Sabo asks, concerned, as he joins them

"You're shivering.”

She sniffles, tears flowing down her cheeks

“hah?? Reader?!” Sabo fusses confused

“ I love you guys so much,” she says, pulling them into a hug

“We love you too, baby sis,” Ace replies, hugging back tightly

“You’re family; we’ll do anything for you,” Sabo comments as he joins in the hug with Ace

“We’re happy we were able to help; we only wish we could have done it sooner,” comments Luffy

“No..you were just in time.”

Im sorry y’all, but look forward to more Rayleigh and shakky action, got a request for them, anyone has any suggestions in what the fic could be about?

[extraordinarilyextreme]

Are you watching under the skin 2? What do you think of the season so far?

hiiiii~ thanks for asking, and sorry for such a late reply. i had been watching but couldn't finish it until recently (hence why im answering so late)...

in short, i don't like it. so if you don't wanna read abt a negative opinion then click away~

i think the cast delivered as wonderful performances as usual, and i think the cinematography was quite beautiful (there are a lot of details that i really adore as an artist). but the script/writing/pacing... even the characterization... left much to be desired.

there are so many things to critique...

to start with, as someone studying psychology, i've found it laughable since s1 that everyone buys into Freudian psychoanalysis so much - but they really took it to the next level in s2. i'm a staunch abolitionist and also anti-police, so i'm always watching shows like this with a critical eye, but it's just utterly mind-boggling that this show/the writers really suggested that crimes can be solved and culprits can be pinpointed because they drew a house in a certain way. and i hate that the show made DC out to be the bad guy for "limiting SY's talents/intuition" or whatever.

i already don't trust our so-called "justice" system; now you're telling me police should be solving crimes and accusing people based on a hunch? (that "hunch" in real life often looks like profiling and stereotyping, mind you, and it can be fatal.)

Du Cheng isn't in the wrong! and i hate even more that even in the last episode before Shen Yi's confession they had him say "but i was wrong. my boundaries, in truth, were limiting your talents." (and yes i know SY corrects him, but) IT FEELS SO OUT-OF-CHARACTER compared to the resolve that DC had back in s1. there, SY's laoshi begged DC to return SY to the art world, but without even flinching, DC firmly rejected that notion.

because being an officer beside DC, in Beijiang, is where SY belongs. AND THEY BOTH REACH THAT CONCLUSION AT THE END OF S1. they both affirm their convictions, that they belong beside each other - so why did we just spend another 28 episodes only to reaching the same result ("where you run to, is where i'll fly to." and "where you are, is where the circle is too." and "i will forever be your best trump card.")???

another issue: yes, SY has always had his reckless streak - but how can he possibly get away with doing so many investigations completely independent from DC and without DC's knowledge?? that's not realistic at all. and, fine, obviously they're dramatizing things, but what i liked about s1 is that it was just realistic "enough" to keep me invested - it deviated just "enough" from your typical procedural/crime-solving show (by tackling cases from the unique lens of a sketch artist) that i could just convince myself it was grounded in reality. but what they did in s2... like, come on. let's not kid ourselves.

Shen Yi being so infallible and able to get away with so many reckless stunts is a Huge failing of s2. talk about "main character energy". they made this into a 大男主 drama when what (i found) appealing about s1 was the fact that it made both DC and SY brilliant and competent in their own ways. this season tried so hard to make DC seem like an unbudging traditionalist or something but ??? like, no! i agree with him that you can't just be arresting people based on their choices in interior design or jewelry! what the fuck??

(but, seriously. i will not deny that our subconscious influences our behavior and choices in many, MANY ways - but for Shen Yi to be making the most outrageous leaps in logic because this one guy had a certain painting in his office or this other guy had a lioness statue, like shut the fuck up... talk about trying to make/find meaning out of nothing.)

(also, also, LOL at talking abt the Oedipus complex in earnest. are you shitting me right now? have you picked up a Psychology 101 book at all?)

the fact this show even remotely suggested that Freudian psychoanalysis could be used as empirical evidence immediately destroys any goodwill i have toward the cast.

ON TOP OF THAT. the fact this show even remotely suggested that eugenicist Cesare Lombroso's theory of the "criminal man" should be treated as empirical and sound research is just... what are we doing here. what are we doing here???

(also if you look up the "warrior gene" and whatever other stuff FKY was "citing"... again, it's not empirical research. and i HATE that the writers tried to pass it off as an established concept.)

honestly i feel like the way they wrote this FKY guy in general is disrespectful af to what scientists actually do (or what scientists should strive to be). at the simplest level, how can he allow SY to walk into his lab so easily? and look at his data?? don't we have IRB protocols in place to protect research subjects??? what about where he gets his funding??? any oversight agencies???

but in terms of characterization, i felt that the parallels they were trying to draw between pre-7 years SY and FKY were such a stretch. because even pre-7 years SY was fundamentally kind - LIKE DOESN'T THE SHOW EVEN ULTIMATELY REACH THAT CONCLUSION TOO?? why WHY would SY ever feel like he and FKY were mirrors; they are fundamentally different in their bottom lines.

all this to say, i love the cast and i'm glad it was 原班人马 because everybody Delivered (and zheng yunlong did a great job too) - but, like, no wonder the original screenwriters left. this story is bs. we should've just left it at s1 because, to me, s2 did nothing except pander to shippers (and i'm mostly happily pandered! but i also care about the story goddammit).

(i say "mostly" because, again, i think they tried too hard to give SY a "protagonist halo." it weakened both him and DC, and their relationship as a result.)

i can't believe they're making a s3 but of course i can because they're making great money from this... hoping and praying that they can get the original writers back.

[washisart]

im having ginhelios brainworms at the moment and was wondering about your thoughts/headcanons on their relationship from ginkga’s perspective? stuff abt how he started developing feelings for helios and what he thinks of him and whatever else you’d like to ramble about :]

Helios is basically Gingka's rebellious phase but without going emo (it likes vanilla but rebellious, teenager things)

Though my yapping is a bit long but bare with me here. Mostly just headcanons and fill in the void in this ship that sorta stuffs.

Okay imagine this: post-Fusion and early-Master Gingka Hagane trying to swipe his emotions about his father's existence in his life under the rug with the bey battles and his new found fame as that poster boy. But now he learned a better way to hide it and make his positivity more believable: A new tactic to ignore the elephant in the room. After his father is alive, how could he stay mad? Yet deep down, he found himself outrageous for wishing his father stayed as a memory.

I think to Gingka, Helios is really special in a way. He sparks something in him-A desire to get to know someone more in such a short time. From someone who causes harm to his friends to someone he would literally do the extreme for a chance of survive.

When he found out Helios's supposed grandfather lied to him, he immediately see the similarities. They were driven by a bestowed responsibility. Gingka took to heart of his "mission"- defeating L Drago and Helios with restoring his civilization. And he saw how Helios retaliate to the lie. It sparks something, alongside hope in him. They have many thing in common! Helios's compassion is what solidified it. He said "I don't want anyone else experience the pain of our ancestors" and that's when he fell. His consciousness immediate trusting in Helios, even almost willing to let himself fall so his new found ally can live and save the world.

After destroying the meteor and on their way home, they spent time talking to together. The realization of how alone they were prompted them to open up to one another about their life, their desires and fears. Helios brought up the idea of him paying for what HE did yet Gingka told him he would defend him no matter what, even asking his father for help. Just so he can keep Helios free to slowly process everything a bit longer. That shaken Helios up a bit.

Thing happened, they bonded and started dating almost immediately after getting off the ship. It wasn't clear who confessed first, but it's clear that Gingka scope Helios away while he was kept under strict- surveillance for a week or two because of his grandfather's crime. This some what annoyed and amused Ryosei alot, seeing his boy talked back and disobeyed the adult, even him for his "friend"s sake.

You can see it in his eyes whenever Gingka looks at Helios. It marvels at the sun boy with affection. He wants Helios to spend his short free time get to know the "Earth" with his gang. But even Gingka didn't realize that he hogs up the guy's attention most of the time. They just slips and got lost in the crowd together, getting themselves a date at a near by fast food restaurant, walking along the shoreline and sharing tales. Gingka is sweep like a wind and Helios follows just right behind him, almost content to let himself be dragged everywhere on their little date.

It was a two weeks short they were together before Gingka continue the international tournament and Helios went his separate way to regain that sense of normality, yet they keep in touch with each other through video calls every weeks. There is that break up later up but I'm saving it for another post.