#i fell down last year and i still haven't picked myself up!!!!

[vigilvntes]

anyway i have been thinking about how much i want adrian to fuck me (this would fix me i know it would) but like specifically i really want to make out with him. i wanna feel his whole tongue in my mouth while he holds me (cause im horny but also i a softie dammnit).

i get the vibe that he hooks up regularly as vigilante so hes experienced in bed more than people would think, but since he keeps the mask on he doesnt kiss much. but when hes close enough with someone he can take off? with be ALL over you with his mouth. will be kissing you nonstop.

OKAYYYY FUCKBOY VIG AND TOUCH STARVED ADRIAN I SEE THE VISION

but yes i definitely agree that he's a dark horse when it comes down to it. i mean maybe im delusional maybe im fucked in the head but you can't convince me that absolutely no one in that town has fucked around with vig because let me tell you i would be FIRST IN LINE!!! he's been running around for years, and it seems that at this point people have just kinda made peace with him being there?? so no doubt he has hookups like he's charming and confident when he's in the suit and we see that a lot in the show. so yes. he probably fucks a lot as vig.

but adrian???? out of the suit???? touch starved. it's all well and good when there's a barrier between him and whoever he's sleeping with (literally), but warm fingertips brushing his hair from his face??? clinging on to his bare back while he fucks you??? soft, breathless kisses while the two of you moan into each others mouths???? he's a sucker for it. all the hookups in the world, all the people that throw themselves at him after he saves them from being mugged will never, ever compare to just being himself, just being adrian, around someone who accepts him for who he is and what he does and someone he trusts enough to keep that secret.

as soon as he comes home he'd rip the mask straight off and his lips would be straight on yours. doesn't matter if he's had a good night or a bad night, touching you, kissing you, his tongue in your mouth and the little surprised noise you make when he bites down on your bottom lip is enough to make him feel like he's on cloud nine. he'd kiss you until you literally can't breathe, and if you pulled away from him to catch your breath the most pathetic whine would leave his throat and he'd turn his attention to your neck instead. the whole time he's inside of you, his lips are on yours. missionary?? he's kissing you until your lips are blue. from behind?? he's leaning over, grabbing your chin and making you turn your head so he can slip his tongue into your mouth.

and his affinity for kisses doesn't just apply to sex!!!! he'll wrap his arms around your waist when the two of you are cooking dinner just to plant the sloppiest, wettest kisses on your cheek just so you'll giggle and playfully slap him away. before you leave the apartment you have to swipe the AKM (adrian kissing machine). he'll probably get moody if he doesn't get a kiss in the morning.

if you're both feeling nasty he'll spit in your mouth, or he'll let you spit in his mouth. he probably prefers the latter.

🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡

[uravitypng]

𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓

kinktober day 4: praise

pairing: eijiro kirishima x chubby reader

word count: 2.0

a/n: this is a day late! super sorry about that anyway have some praise. this is super self indulgent, as a chubby girl myself i just want kirishima to tell me how pretty i am. i've never written for kiri before so i hope i've done him justice. this is reposted and it didn't show up in the tags previously (lets hope it does now) ₊˚✩‧₊˚♡‧₊˚

warnings: insecurities, doubts, fluff, comfort, fingering, oral, body worship, praise (obvs), implied safe word set, established relationship, pro-hero kiri + chubby quirkless reader, smut, 18+, mdni / always check the warnings on my writing !

Summing your boyfriend in one word it would be amazing, he's just so perfect and you think the world of him although sometimes it's hard to imagine he thinks the same of you though.

On good days you know your worth but on the bad days you can't help but think why is he with you, he's a pro hero and you're just you. Your boyfriend is sculptured like the gods, and you're just some quirkless chubby girl, at least in your eyes.

You're home alone again waiting for Ejirou to return from patrols and all you can do is stare at yourself in the mirror. Today is one of the bad days.

You went to UA with Kirishima but you were in the general studies course, you knew of him but he didn't know you, that's until near the end of graduation as you quite literally bumped into each other. It ended up with him catching you before you fell over and at the time you thought it was one of the most embarrassing times of your life but now looking back at it you realise how lucky it was to not look where you were walking.

After you met Ejirou it was only a matter of time before you met his friends, and it was slightly daunting, they were all such big characters and to this day you swear Bakugou didn't like you for a time, maybe he still doesn't it's so hard to tell with him. Kirishima always tells you that he does like you though.

Last night was great, everyone's schedules was clear and no one was on patrol so everyone went to Sero and Kaminari's shared place. One too many drinks later and you couldn't help that your head took a dark turn and even today you haven't left the headspace. Both your boyfriend and his friends are brilliant, and it's hard to think that you're not good enough to be apart of their life.

You were so caught up in your thoughts you hadn't even realised that Ejirou had returned home, walking into the bedroom to find you. You jumped at the sound of the bedroom door creek and you turned to find Kirishima frowning at you.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Kirishima asked, walking up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. He knew what was wrong but he wanted you to say it, he's been with you for years now, he knows how you act when your self esteem goes down.

"I just don't feel good today." There was a pregnant pause as you knew that you had to get out what you were feeling, you took a breath and started explaining how you felt. The whole time you were explaining how you felt, he listened and held you.

Kiri spun you around so you were facing each other and lent down to kiss you, explaining all his love to you in one kiss that deepened with warmth and adoration. After you broke away from the kiss to breathe, you realised that Kirishima still hasn't had a shower.

"You should really take a shower Kiri."

"Nah, I'll have one later." He grins before picking you up and lifting you onto the bed.

Your lips slightly turn down you say "E you shouldn't do that I'm heavy, put me down."

"Babe I'm literally a pro hero, I can always carry you." Kirishima replies as he throws you down onto the bed and you can't help but giggle when you bounce a bit afterwards. He quickly takes of his hero gear and joins you on the bed. Every time you see Kiri undressed you can't help but stare in awe of him, how absolutely stunning he is. Kirishima can't help but do the same of course, to him you're the most beautiful girl he's ever laid his eyes upon.

What he didn't realise is that he said out loud until a couple seconds after, it's so hard for him to keep his thoughts in his head when it comes to you. "I love you so much, fuck. With all my heart sweetheart," Kirishima says while staring into your eyes. It leaves you speechless as you hear his conviction and admiration. "Can I take this off babe?" He says gesturing to your clothes. You haven't found your voice yet, you do enthusiastically nod and Kirishima matches your enthusiastically with a huge grin on his face, taking off your clothes.

Kirishima soaks you up, its truly not his fault he thinks the world of you and to him you're his world. Kirishima wants to assure how much he loves you, he wants to show you how pretty you are, he wants to worship you, his goddess.

Ejiriou starts kissing your soft jaw making his way down your neck, if you think you lost your voice earlier then you don't even think you can form words now. You're on cloud nine, basking in the affection that the love of your life gives to you.

Kirishima runs his tongue further along your neck all the way down, where he marks you up with a love bite as a reminder to anyone that sees that you are his. Then he starts to move to the side to kiss your arms and running his hands up and down your wrists. Panic starts filling your body because your arms are too big and he's not going to like it. In reality that will never happen and deep down you know that, Kiri has seen your body thousands of times now and all he's ever done is tell you how pretty you are but you can't help that nagging feeling.

Your breathing becomes irregular and you get more and more worried, your boyfriend realises straights away and stops immediately with a worried look on his face. "Baby, what's wrong? Talk to me. Is this too much? Do you want to stop?" next comes the waterworks as everyday Kirishima shows you how perfect he is, how blessed you are to have him, although you feel like you don't deserve it.

Kirishima starts getting more and more concerned as he hugs you and holds you close, "I just don't feel pretty E, I'm not as pretty as you and everyone," you manage to say between sniffles.

He keeps his arms around you but turns to face, wiping the tears off your face and kissing you all over your face, making you smile. "Don't say things like that, sweetheart, you are so much prettier than everyone in the entire world. All through out history. I love you so much- to your chubby checks and your plump arms and how cute your tummy is! It's so soft and squishy just like the rest of you, and god damn your legs and your thighs they're so lovely and like woah! Just like the rest of you. Baby I could go on forever talking about how adorable I find you, how much I love you, how attractive you are and I will if that's what you want babe, but personally I think it would be better to show you all that, yeah?"

Gaping like a fish, you're flustered and warm all over, shocked by Kiri's rambling. You absolutely want Kiri to show you.

Kirishima waits looking at you, you realise he wants your consent, "yes please." He smiles at you as he kisses your forehead then pulls up your hands above your head, clasping your wrists, not enough to hurt or even to completely immobilise you but enough to make sure you won't move away from his touch, with his other hand he holds onto your waist. The doubt starts forming in your mind again, your waist is too big and your wrists aren't small like other girls. Kirishima kisses you it's engulfing, it's taking over your senses are all you can think about is him. By the time he pulls away from you, you're dizzy and giddy, nothing on your mind apart from Ejirou.

You're finding it hard to think and then Kirishima starts kissing you again. He's putting his mouth all over your chest, slowly becoming more and more needy, you just want him to do something. It's as if he's read your mind as straight after he starts circling one of your nipples, hardly putting any pressure or force at all behind his movements, making you wriggle, trying to get more stimulation. Leaning down he captures your other nipple in your mouth and sucks hard. The difference of actions make you groan loudly, Kirishima still tugging around you and softly biting your nipple, you're still groaning.

"You make such beautiful noises for me sweetheart." He looks up at you. Kirishima starts kissing further down, reaching your tummy. You're so euphoric still buzzing that you don't realise until he starts talking again, "so fucking sexy sweetheart, I don't want to hear you talking bad about yourself. Everything about you is beautiful." He's kissing your stomach and still holding onto your wrists to make sure you don't push him away, he knows that you would be vocal and tell him if you did want him to stop.

Kirishima reaches down to your hip and bites hard, making you squeak, quickly soothing the mark by leaving a hickey over it. He starts littering your entire hip with hickies and running his hands all over you, just grabbing onto whatever he can get a hold of. Kirishima would like to think he has restraint but he's getting so needy, he's had no simulation and he hasn't been touched at all. He doesn't know for how much longer he will be able to hold out until he needs you.

Ejirou bites your thigh, much more softer than your hip knowing your thighs are sensitive and he places small kisses and bites all over your thighs. He can feel your heat from where he is. He can't help but hump onto the bed, trying to get any friction he can, you're so wet, you look absolutely divine. Without any warning his mouth is around your clit, slowly sucking it in a similar way to earlier. With his mouth latched on your clit, he thrusts two fingers into you, curling until he hit that special spot. Your orgasm was building up fast as Kirishima keeps a steady pace. Your thighs were squeezing around him, Kirishima thought if he were to die this way than so be it, there is nothing better than having your soft thighs wrapped around his head, especially while he's going down on you. He could feel you clenching, "you feel so good beautiful." He mumbles while still having his lips on your cunt, soon after the tightly wound coils in you core snapped.

Your body is shock as you orgasmed with Ejirou holding onto you tightly, all that came out of your mouth was broken gasps and mumbles of his name. After you come down you look up to he Kirishima with two fingers in his mouth, "you taste so fucking good sweetheart."

"Ei! Don't say things like that!" Your raised voice trails off to a mumble, he laughs as he says he just telling the truth.

He pulls himself up to the back of the bed and wraps his arms around you. Kirishima kisses your neck and tells you that you're beautiful. "My gorgeous, gorgeous goddess of a girlfriend. and all mine" He whispers to you. You close your eyes and you think about how much you both love each other. He loves you just as much as you love him. You close your eyes and bury your head against his chest, smiling. Kirishima will have to have a shower later.

[mostly-tame]

A year ago I flew into Michigan to get *my* dog. As soon as I got in the car we clicked. I was prepared to earn his love and trust, but right away we loved each other. Since then our bond has only deepened and strengthened. My love and adoration and admiration for him has only grown.

We've both come a long ways since we met; and I'm incredibly proud of both of us for what we've accomplished. He's my first dog of my own and I couldn't have picked a better first dog for me. He's precisely who and what I needed, and I honestly find him to be a rather easy dog. I greatly enjoy working with him, he's incredibly smart and eager, and once he knows what I want from him he takes only a few repetitions to get it down. I want to try Rally and Agility with him, and we've already begun some parkour type training. We of course hike and walk often, and have done a bit of canicross, and I want to do so much more of that, as well as weight pull, bikejor, and some more packing (I still have his pack, just haven't used it much lately).

Of course I also still greatly want to hunt with him. He's shown great interest in squirrel, raccoon, and rabbit, as well as skunk and opossums lmao, and I greatly regret that the last hunting season was spent slowly escaping a toxic relationship and not hunting with him. I'd like to try him on bear as well, he certainly finds larger game incredibly enticing, but that probably won't happen this season.

It's somewhat strange now, all of my coworkers and friends know me for constantly talking about and showing them photos of Torch, and not Kit. I never really expected to out live her by long, and I wouldn't have if I hadn't gotten Torch when I did. Any other dog, from any other litter, pairing, breeder, I would have backed out of before I got them when I lost Kit. But I love his parents dearly, and his breeder is truly one of my best friends, and i could already feel that he was right for me; so the photos I'd seen of him and videos and photos I got of him before I flew to him kept me afloat while I got through the most lonely few months of my life.

Every day I'm grateful to call him mine, to curl up with him at the end of the day, to walk him, to train with him, to hike with him, to play with him, to bury my face in his thick ruff. He's my sunshine dog, through and through. He makes me smile even when I'm the saddest and relax even when I'm the most stressed. There's no better way to soften my sadness than to curl up with him, softly wagging his tail at first as I pet him, until he tries to entice me into play. There's no better way to work through the things that stress and overwhelm me than to walk, run, or hike with him, working out the excess energy, grounding myself in the world and my being, and thinking things through. I am the happiest when I'm doing things with him.

I was prepared for a dog who would make me earn his love, trust, and respect, a dog who would be a bit of a challenge to train, a dog who wouldn't be very cuddly or affectionate, a dog who would push me more. Overall a dog who would make me work for and earn things more. Getting a teenage laika didn't sound like my brightest idea on paper. But I was ready and eager for the experience and work. But honestly? We fell into place incredibly easily and work amazingly together. He's bizarrely cuddly and clingy and while I don't need my future laiki to be as sticky as him, I love him dearly for it. He's precisely what I needed.

While I'm not generally spiritual nor do I generally put much stock in the idea of fate and destiny; I have no other way to describe how it feels to have him. Who he is and his timing are too perfect. He came to me precisely when I needed him the most. He keeps the shadows at bay. He's the light at the end of a long tunnel for me.

He's been mine for a whole year, and I wouldn't change him or trade him for the world. He's my pride and joy, and I look forward to many more years spent with him. @losech I know you know how much I love him, how much I needed him. I still have to say it again and again and again. I can never thank you enough for trusting me with him.

This art was done by one of my friends several months ago and still makes me tear up to even think about. You can find my friend at fairywren.art on insta!

[imaginexwwe]

SPRING BREAK 4 - Roman Reigns

•

NO TIME SKIP THIS TIME LOL

•

REAL NAMES WILL BE USED

•

4½ MONTHS PREGNANT Y|N FEELS IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN NOW THAT SHE KNOWS JOE ISN'T JUST AN AVERAGE JOE (🤣)

•

PART 3 (×)

•

I sighed looking at myself in the mirror, slowly running my hand down my now noticeable baby bump.

I was now in my second trimester of this pregnancy and just when I thought me getting knocked up by a man I'd only known a few hours before, was as bad as this train wreck would get, I was wrong.

Really wrong.

Because turns out, Joe as I'd only known him these few months is actually Joseph Anoaʻi.

Or Roman Reigns, as he goes by in WWE.

The WWE company in which my older brother Colby works for.

"Things are just getting worse and worse." I mumbled as I made my way to my closet, searching for something to wear on my outing with Austin.

And I say outing because I honestly don't know what else to call it.

I mean, it's definitely not a date for me.

I hope it's not a date to Austin...

"Do you think this is a date?" I asked, picking out a short, loose fitting dress.

My bump shouldn't show too much through this, I thought as I began stripping out of my pajamas, sliding my dress on soon after.

"Tori." I called out, trying to get my bestfriends attention, while also wondering why I couldn't see her on the screen anymore. "Tori."

"Oh, sorry." Tori finally replied a huge grin on her face. "I fell down the Roman Reigns rabbit hole." She explained. "Again."

I rolled my eyes, picking up my macbook and going to my bed to sit. "Of course you did." I mumbled.

I couldn't blame her though.

All I did last night, till at least 2 a.m. was watch old matches of my baby daddy.

Then when I finally drifted off the sleep he was on my mind so much that I ended up having a dream that still makes me blush, just thinking about it.

If only it was reality.

It was just something so sexy about him bulling his cousins and other wrestlers.

Even his old matches with my brother and their friend Jon we're awesome to watch.

Tori laughed, holding up a finger. "This is gonna be you and Joe's baby." She said, trying to hold in her laughter so she could finish what she's trying to say. "And his first word will be 'ACKNOWLEDGE ME'" She joked, laughing even louder.

I sighed, feeling my mood change in an instant. "We won't know if it's a he or she." I replied before mumbling. "And we won't know what his or her's first word would be." I reminded her. "You know I've been looking for a good family for this baby..."

Tori nodded. "Yeah, i know." She replied. "I just thought after I told you that Joe wasn't ghosting you, that you mixed up two digits in his number, that maybe..." She trailed off with a shrug. "You'd change your mind about adoption since you won't have to do it alone while trying to finish college."

"I haven't even told Joe about the baby."

"But you know I did." Tori quickly answered. "Again, not on purpose but I did tell him." She added. "What I'm trying to say, is I was excited about being an aunt. And I know you'd be a good as mommy Y|N."

A sad smile formed on my face as I once again began doubting my ability to finish my last two years of college, eventually have a career, and raise a baby.

Even if Joe was involved it'll still be damn near impossible considering he's on the road three or four nights a week, so I'm sure the last thing he wants is a baby to be responsible for.

And on top of that we're not even together.

"Can we change the subject?" I asked, unconsciously rubbing my baby bump.

Tori nodded. "So..." She said. "Why haven't you called Joe?"

I groaned. "That's not changing the subject." I quickly replied. "Besides you know I've been hanging out with Austin still."

"Yeah, but why?" Tori asked, giving me a look. "You have a mature, grown and sexy twenty-seven year old that wants you but you're wasting your time on a cheating ass, immature 20 year old. I just don't get it."

I shrugged. "Austin's changed." I said, not a hundred percent sure I believed what I had just said. "Besides, when any typical guy would've happily ran when finding out their girlfriend cheated and got knocked up, Austin didn't. He made me feel safe and promised we'd go back to normal and put this behind up after I have this baby. He's waiting for me."

"His ass cheated first." Tori mumbled, seemingly ignoring everything else I'd said. "And I noticed the word love wasn't said."

That's because I don't know if I've truly been able to love Austin since he cheated.

Or if I'd be able to any time soon.

At this rate, I'll probably love Joe before I'm able to love Austin again.

Or do I already love Joe and that's the reason I'm unable to love Austin..?

Before I could respond, the sound of the doorbell echoed throughout the house.

"Austin's here." I said, before standing up. "I gotta go." I added, closing my macbook before Tori could respond.

For a second time, the doorbell echoed, this time sounding louder as I reached the door.

"Damn, Austin." I giggled, opening the door. "I'm almost five months pregnant, give me time." I spoke again, feeling my heart stop for a second when I saw it wasn't Austin. "Joseph?"

Holy shit, I mentally screamed out to myself, as my eyes stayed locked on the man on the other side of the door.

The man who fathered this baby I'm carrying.

Face to face with him for the first time since Miami.

Did he get hotter?

"Hey." Joe said, his eyes seemingly locked on me, like mines were on him.

Or was he staring at my belly?

I shifted uncomfortable at the thought of him seeing me pregnant all of a sudden. "Colby's um..." I began, stumbling on my words. "At his wrestling school."

"I know." Joe, responded with a nod, a seriousness in his tone. "I was hoping to see you, considering you haven't called me yet."

I bit the inside of my cheek, nodding also. "I tried but I..."

"Had my number wrong." Joe finished for me, making me nod again.

"Yeah." I said, with an embarrassed laugh. "I figured you'd just got what you wanted for me and had moved on to the next girl."

A hint of hurt flashed in Joe's eyes after what I hade said. "That's the kind of guy you think I am?" He asked, causing me to immediately shake my head.

"I didn't really know what to think of you, Joe." I answered truthfully. "I had only known you for a few hours and my judgment was blinded by the many shots Tori kept persuading me to drink, then you did take me on that amazing date. But you have to understand I tried calling you a few times and obviously couldn't get in touch with you to tell you about this baby you helped make so yeah..." I rambled. "I guess deep down I couldn't believe a guy that looks like you would even entertain a girl like me. Tori yes. But me? No."

Joe chuckled. "There's no way in hell I could have feelings for Tori."

I smiled, suddenly unable to look him in the eyes. "Did you have feelings for me?"

"I do have feelings for you Y|N." He quickly responded, taking a few steps closer to me. "That's why it was driving me crazy these few months thinking that I would never hear from you again."

"You were going crazy over me?" I asked, feeling my heartbeat began to race with anticipation.

Joe, nodded silently and without control, I found myself leaning up towards Joe as he was leaning down towards me.

I let my eyes snap shut, and just as I was about to finally feel Joe's lips on mines again, for the first time in months, a car door slammed shut.

Like it really slammed shut as if someone wanted to really make their presence known.

Please don't be my brother.

Please don't be my brother.

PLEASE DON'T BE MY BROTHER.

"Babe." I heard a male voice call out to me, and I slowly opened my eyes to see Austin leaning against his car, a scowl on his face.

I'm assuming from seeing me almost kiss Joe.

Why is it any time Joe's in my presence I forget about Austin?

"Babe..?" Joe asked, his eyes flashing with an emotion I've never seen from him the few times we have been around each other.

Is that jealousy?

Ignoring Joe, I quickly made my way over to Austin flashing a smile at him, as he continued to stare at Joe as if he was mentally sizing him up.

"Shit." I mumbled, stomping my foot. "I forgot my purse." I added. "Be right back."

Quickly, I walked back to the house, making sure to grab on to Joe's arm as I made my way inside. "Look." I said. "I have to go, but if my brother comes home before I do just lie and say you came over for him and I let you in or something."

"Y|N." Joe said, an edge to his tone, and the jealousy still in his eyes. "Who is he?"

I sighed, as I went over to the couch to get my purse. "My boyfriend..." I mumbled, scared to look at Joe for the first time since I opened the door and saw him there. "I think."

"Boyfriend?" Joe questioned as if he couldn't believe what I had said. "How do you have a boyfriend when you're pregnant with my baby?"

"Because me and him have been together for years." I explained. "It's just been a bit complicated with him cheating on me and then me trying to get back at him with you." I added, mentally slapping myself after that last part left my mouth.

How could I say that when I know that's not how it was?

Austin's never on my mind when I'm with Joseph.

Joe let out a sarcastic laugh. "So, that night we were together was just some kind of revenge fuck so you'd have a way to make that dude jealous?"

Was he pissed?

He sounds pissed.

"No." I sighed, my eyes going from Joe to the door and back. "I really do have to go."

"We really need to talk Y|N." Joe replied, but I was already out the door.

Me and him could talk later.

"Okay." I said, as I reached Austin's car again. "We could go now."

Austin nodded silently, his attention still on the door, or rather who's on the other side of the door.

Even though he couldn't see Joe, it seemed that it pained Austin just by knowing he was in there.

"Austin." I called out trying to bring his attention back to me. "Something wrong?"

"No." Austin replied, his signature smile forming as he opened the passenger side door for me, closing it as soon as I got in.

As Austin made his way over to the drivers side of his car, I leaned over towards the back to drop my purse in the backseat when something caught my eye.

"That asshole."

I can't fucking believe him.

Or maybe I should considering this isn't the first time.

Austin finally got into his car, pushing the button to start the engine. "What are you craving today?" He asked, with a chuckle. "Tacos? Pizza? Both?"

"I suddenly don't have an appetite." I mumbled, my arms crossed over my chest.

"C'mon, babe." Austin said, glancing over at me. "You're pregnant." He added, chuckling again. "There's no way in hell you don't have a appetite."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, I don't."

"Okay." Austin replied, rolling his eyes also as he again pushed the button, this time turning his car engine off. "Are you hormones acting up?"

Instead of answering Austin, I decided to throw a question of my own at him. "What's these doing in your car?"

"What?"

I held up the two used condom wrappers that I had found in the backseat of his car. "Where you with that slut again? Or someone else?"

"Y|N, your tripping." Austin mumbled, shaking his head. "Those are from the last time me and you had sex." He added. "You know, when you still believed in protection."

I gasped.

How dare he?

"I didn't get pregnant because I didn't make the father use a condom." I angrily replied. "And I know you're fucking lying because the last time you and I had sex was over five months ago and I also know these wrappers weren't in your goddamn car last week." I scoffed, trying to fight back the tears that were forming in my eyes. "Was it her or someone new?"

"It was her." Austin finally answered making me laugh in disbelief.

"I can't fucking believe you would do this again after you said you wouldn't over and fucking over." I replied.

Austin scoffed. "You can't believe me?" He asked, sarcasm in his voice. "I can't believe you'd practically be making out with your baby daddy minutes before I'm supposed to pick you up but you did." He said, before adding. "Just like you let him fuck you without one, even though you ain't even know him a day. But makes sure your boyfriend of six years wore one every damn time we fucked."

In that moment I wanted nothing more than to reach over and slap Austin so hard that I left a hand print in his face, but I held myself back.

Barely.

"For the tenth time I didn't have sex with him without a condom." I groaned, reaching over in the backseat to grab my purse. "His dick is just so big that it broke the condom." I smirked, opening the passenger side door, and getting out of the car. "Something you wouldn't know about."

I didn't say it but I'm sure it was implied that me and Austin were over.

For good this time.

With tears in my eyes I stormed back up to the house, just as Joe was leaving out.

"What's wrong?" Joe questioned, immediately noticing that I was upset.

I wiped at the tears that had fallen from my eyes. "I just ended my six year relationship."

"Because of me?"

"No." I snapped, taking out the last bit of my anger for Austin on Joseph. "Not everything is about you." I added, before mumbling. "And I thought the only time you were a condescending asshole was on tv but it seems like you're one in real life too."

Joe shook his head, leaving out the house without another word or glance.

Did I just ruin what could have been between Joseph and I?

•

Later that day I eventually dragged myself out of bed, and downstairs for a middle of the night snack.

Partly because I had a sudden craving for cookies, and partly because I just couldn't get Joe out of my mind.

Especially how he looked when I called him a condescending asshole.

Which he most definitely isn't.

I know I haven't known him long enough to judge all of his qualities, but the few times I've been lucky enough to be in his presence, he's been nothing but a sweetheart.

A gentleman.

"Couldn't sleep either?" I heard a voice say, causing me to jump.

I placed my hand over my heart, trying to calm myself. "You scared me, dude." I said to Colby as I gently shut the refrigerator door, turning to see Colby sitting at the kitchen island. "And no." I answered. "Too much on my mind." I added, rambling in the cabinet for a baking sheet.

"Are you really about to bake cookies at one in the morning?" Colby asked with a laugh, as I began scooping cookie dough from the container and placing it onto the baking sheet.

"Yeah, I got a craving for cookies." I giggled, with a shrug. "Can you be an awesome big brother and preheat the oven for me?" I asked, as I continued scooping.

"Sure."

•

About ten minutes later, both my brother and I sat at the kitchen island eating cookies.

Well I was eating cookies, and Colby was eating the only cookie I shared with him.

"You never did say what was on your mind." Colby spoke up, breaking through the silence that had taken over.

"Neither did you." I replied, picking up a cookie and taking a bite.

Colby nodded, getting up and going to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. "You first."

"Okay." I mumbled, biting on my lip. "I broke up with Austin's pathetic ass." I started, noticing the look on Colby's face as if he expected this break up to be like the others where I'd take him back after a while. "For real this time."

"What made it for real this time?" Colby questioned and I couldn't figure out if he was mocking me or genuinely just asking.

I sighed, looking down at the few cookies left in front of me. "He cheated again." I said with a shrug. "Very recently."

"I'm going to beat his ass." Colby immediately responded, in his usual overprotective big brother fashion. "My knee's healed enough for me to curb stomp his head into the pavement."

"Colby." I gasped, trying not to laugh. "You don't have to do anything. I already gave him a piece of my mind and also I'm a thousand and one percent sure you could do prison time for that."

"I do it all the damn time." Colby smirked.

"On tv, idiot." I said, unable to hold my laughter in any longer. "If you were to do that to Austin you'd be in trouble for sure."

Colby shrugged. "It'll be worth it." He said, proudly, before coming back over to sit next to me on the stool he previously sat on. "Is the next reason you can't sleep because of your baby's father?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

I sat silently for a moment, biting my lip as I contemplated if I should reveal the father of this child's identity.

I didn't want to continue hiding it from my brother.

And I definitely didn't want him finding out from someone other than me.

"Big brother." I mumbled, glancing over at him. Promise that you won't hate me after I tell you who he is."

"Hate you?" Colby asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "I could never hate you, Y|N." He added, giving me a reassuring smile. "You're my little sister."

"Okay." I said, biting down on my lip even harder this time. "Promise me you won't hate the father."

I had a big feeling that my brother and Joe's friendship or brotherhood wouldn't be the same as it was but I didn't want my brother hating Joe.

Colby sighed. "Just say it."

"His name is Joe." I whispered, closing my eyes tightly because I was afraid to make eye contact with my brother.

"I know." Colby replied.

I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, remembering I had already told Colby the father's name. "No." I said. "His name is Joe Anoaʻi." I whispered again, feeling tears began to roll down my face for the second time in less than twenty four hours. "As in your bestfriend, Joe."

Once again Colby sighed, repeating himself as he reached over to rub soothing circles in my back. "I know."

As tears continued to run down my face, I carefully turned on my stool to face my brother.

His face oddly calm for someone who's little sister told just told them they had a one night stand with their bestfriend literally a minute ago.

"Who told you?" I gasped. "Was it Tori and her big mouth?" I asked again, with a groan.

I love her but once she gets going there's no telling what she'd spill.

Colby shook his head. "It was Joe."

Joe told my brother about us?

And didn't tell me, he told my brother.

"And as much as I don't like it..." Colby spoke again, with a sigh. "He's a step up from Austin."

I scrunched up my nose at my older brother, really not understanding why he's so calm. "Colby," I said in a calming tone. "Did you take something?"

"Fuck no." Colby laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just okay with it, I guess." He added, before speaking again. "Joe was man enough to come to me and explain earlier today at Black and Brave and..." He shrugged again. "It's not like he purposefully went after my little sister. He didn't know anything about me and you being family before yesterday. Besides you'vegot enough to worry about with this pregnancy. You didn't need a pissed off brotherto add on to your stress."

Okay who is this man next to me?

It's not like I wanted Colby to be so worked up over my situation with Joe, but still...

I didn't expect him to be so calm

And most importantly, why didn't Joe tell me he talked to my brother when he was here earlier.

"But when me and him step back into the ring against one another." Colby said, speaking again, before I could. "I'm beating his ass for what he did with my little sister."

I smiled a bit, before letting out a sigh. "Thank you so much for being oddly understanding." I replied, sliding off my stool, to go over and give my brother a kiss on his cheek. "You're the best brother I've got."

"I'm the only brother you've got." Colby quickly responded, laughing yet again.

•

LAST ONE... THIS WEEK 😅

•

PART 5

•

T A G S -

@southerngirl41 @alyyaanna

[vanessalocke]

[FrUK fanfic] England's love confession plan

Pairing: France x England

Summary: How to love a tsundere

Warning: Implied r4pe/Non-con

Rate M for s3xual, dirty language and s*x jokes in fanfic. Very OOC.

Nationverse but not canonverse. In this universe, France and England's relationship with America, Canada and Sealand is father-papa and sons.

This is a fanfic I wrote in FrUK week two years ago. I read it again and found it interesting so I decided to translate it into English. Forgive my grammar, English is not my native language.

Original work (Vietnamese)

==========

Otaku guys often think that if you're in love with a tsundere, you'll get beaten up every day. The sad truth is, the person who will be beaten is not the love object of that unpredictable tsundere, but rather her/his love advisors.

This case is no exception.

"Oh dear!" Spain laughed and fell onto the table. "Are you saying that you still haven't dared to confess your love to France? Mom, this is the joke of the millennium!"

BOOM! A book shot like an arrow at Spain's head.

"I can't believe it, you guys have known each other for a thousand years." Prussia cried out in horror. "How can the British Empire be so cowardly-"

SMARSH! A heavy blow landed on Prussia's face. Germany heard the noise and hurriedly ran from the kitchen to the living room to take care of the bruises on his brother's face. Italy was about to comment something, but when he saw England's hand threateningly throw the heavy golf ball he picked up from nowhere into the air, then catch it and throw it again into the air, he remained silent.

"I humbled myself to tell you, no, you guys begged me to tell you my story, and yet you guys still act like clowns?"

"Didn't you beat someone because you were embarrassed about people exposing your feelings publicly-"

"Shut up, America, or I'll tell your boss to let you copy the US Constitution a hundred times by hand like last time."

"Nonsense! You told us your story, you asked us to give you advice, and then when we spoke, you beat us!" Germany cried out while sadly looking at his brother's bruised eye.

"Doesn't the whole European Union know that England is in love with a certain Frenchman so he can't hide it anymore-"

"And you better keep your mouth shut if you don't want to get hit by England again. You foul mouth!" Germany rolled his eyes and stuffed a piece of bread into Prussia's mouth.

"Come on, everyone calm down." Japan poured tea and placed the cup in front of England. "Drink a cup of tea, everything will be fine. Let Igirisu-san finish his story first."

"Oh my gosh, there's nothing to say." America pouted, his voice sarcastic. "When the (fake) apocalypse comes, they want to die together, they used to live in the same house, they used to hunt together, they have two children in North America, and every Christmas they go to each other's house to stay overnight, they even gave their house keys to each other. Then England said that he had never confessed his love. Oh my, if you haven't confessed your love yet, you know how helpless and useless you are in love."

"I'll tell your boss to let you copy the Constitution five hundred times by hand." England said through gritted teeth. "And I don't mind hitting you, if your boss allows it."

"Wait! Wait! I have a question!" Italy exclaimed. "If what America said was true, then these two should have slept together already??"

The atmosphere among the people there was very quiet. Yes. Everyone was convinced that these two guys had been sleeping together for a long time, but now they realized that if England hadn't confessed his love yet, there was no way they could sleep together. Or are they in a love-hate, friends-with-benefits relationship? Wow, does that mean England accidentally falls in love with his friend of benefit? If so, that's too pathetic, too pathetic.

All eyes in the room were excitedly focused on England, making England felt a bit down.

"He and I actually slept together, but we slept holding hands." England said bitterly as if he didn't want to admit this himself. "He never... um, had any conscious s*xual behavior with me."

"Then why the hell do America and I exist here!" Canada, almost invisible there, cried out through his fading. "Aren't we the best proof of your and papa's behavior? And Sealand too?"

"Ah uh, well, I said I've never had s*x while sober, not to mention I've never had s*x while drunk..." England's voice got smaller and smaller until it was no longer as loud as the sound of a mosquito. "There were only two, or three times. And every time we had s*x, we always had results, so what can we do now?"

Everyone let out a loud scream. Drunk s*x says a lot. On the one hand, it explains the skinship of these two guys as if they were about to lay pipe. On the one hand, it says that these two people have been "interacting" with each other but are not actually in a relationship.

Suddenly there was a sound of applause.

Two sounds.

Three sounds.

The whole room applauded.

England looked around bewilderedly. He didn't understand why these people were clapping and even looking at him with admiration.

"Amazing! So great!" Prussia sobbed.

"That's right! If we don't count a thousand years..." Spain continued. "No, for a country, a thousand years is just twenty years. If you don't take that amount of time into account, this is the first time I've seen someone unlock the achievement 'having children with his crush'."

"Living together as a couple! Being parents of three children!" Canada brought up the towel to blow his nose.

"Always sit together in meetings." Japan nodded.

"Of the three children, two of them were successful beyond expectations." Italy blew the toy trumpet.

"Just haven't confessed yet- hey, Canada, why are you stuffing a rag in my mouth?"

Before the loud applause of the people around him, England's cheeks turned pink. Well, even he didn't realize that he had come so far!

"Everyone is praising me too much. I'm so embarrassed. But wait, I came here so everyone can give me advice! I can't stay in this deadlock forever."

"I thought it was something big!" America replied bluntly, "This is easy to handle. All the times father and papa slept together was because you guys were drunk, right? Just do it!"

"America-san, you're a genius!" Japan flipped through some shady book that England didn't know the name of. When asked about it, Japan only said that it was a "reference document".

A plan to flirt and seduce France was drawn up. Everyone is excited about this plan, although we're never sure if it's because they really want these guys to become a couple or because they're bored and need to find something to entertain them.

***

Plan A, started when England invited all the Europeans to the pub after the meeting.

Everyone knew what he meant, so they all left. As a result, only England and France remained.

France was planning to go home. But Italy nudged France, whispering to him:

"Do you see that England is sad and has a lot to say?"

"No."

"You noticed. Look at that sad look."

"Isn't he about to sneeze?"

Italy had a deeply hurt look on his face. He burst into tears, desperately ran away, running and screaming. "Horrible! Cruel! Unbelievable! France is an idiot!!!"

England hesitantly approached France, reaching out to pull the Frenchman's shirt.

"What's wrong, are you hurting someone again?"

"No, Italy suddenly said a few words to me and then acted like that. Honestly, I don't understand anything."

"Yeah, you must be betraying someone else's feelings or something." England sulked and turned away. "Even your cousin you did the same."

"I didn't do that." France pinched England's cheek, making England's face turn red. "You always make random inferences and then accuse me wrongly."

Actually, England didn't think haphazardly. In fact, England knew that France was not the easygoing type, because if so, he would not have agreed to live with France for a while as a family with America and Canada. But England needed a reason to scold France.

As a matter of course, France couldn't bear to leave England alone, so he went to the pub with England. The reason was completely reasonable, France knew more than anyone else how violent England would become - destroying tables and chairs when he was drunk. He considered himself responsible for controlling England's madness.

However, there was something strange about England today. He had just drunk a little and was already drunk, then complained to France about his failed love relationship with a certain man whose name France did not know.

France would be jealous, right? Would he be jealous? Japan said that the motif of complaining about an old love will make the other person reveal whether they like us or not. If only he would have been jealous...

No, there was no jealousy here at all! France nodded with deep sympathy, even patting his shoulder and cooing... but wait, what is he sympathizing with?? Don't say... don't say that he has been with many other people so there is this sympathy here.

Now, somehow, the original plan was to make France jealous of England's ex, but now England was silently angry. Don't get angry! Calm down! Don't show jealousy!

England pretended to be drunk to the point of fainting, leaned his head on France's shoulder, then reached out to hug France's arm, rubbing his head against him, deliberately calling out another man's name.

"For men, it's hard to get past the word '色'! Your job is to take advantage of the touch and suggest the beast inside France to come out."

China said so. England thought it was reasonable, so he practiced like that. Just slap on the drunk label, after that, all the blame will be France's.

Surprisingly, France did not react at all. He calmly finished his glass of wine, then asked England.

"If you're so drunk, can you still go home by yourself?"

"Huh? No... come on, I'm not drunk!" England pretended to drawl, increasing his physical contact with France.

"Haizzz, it can't be helped. You should go home. I'll take you home." France sighed.

Great! England raised the flag in his stomach. Switch to plan B. On the road, he will stagger, unable to walk, and then France will have to carry him home on his back. Physical contact, breathing in the ear is an important factor to increase love!

"Don't..." England grabbed France's hand, lowering his voice. "Just... don't bring me home. My brother seeing me like that... won't like it..."

"So where should I take you now?"

"Some hotel room..."

France's hotel room, England's implied. He had to hint a bit because no one ever said it out loud.

"Okay, in the morning the receptionist accidentally assigned me a room with a double bed. You can lie on my bed and rest until morning and then go home." France nodded in agreement.

Of course it was. It was England who told the receptionist to arrange that room with a double bed for France.

England's arm was brought around France's shoulders. France helped him out of the wine table and then took him outside the bar. That's right, now France will carry him on his back...

"Hello, is there a taxi nearby? Please give me one." France said into the phone, surprising England.

A few minutes later, the damn taxi parked right in front of the two of them. France pulled England into the taxi, placed him gently on the seat, and even took off his coat to wrap him up neatly.

England wanted to curse. Of course he was happy to have France cover him with his coat, but damn it, this wasn't part of the plan!!!

The comforting thing was, England was cuddled in France's warm arms. Perhaps France was afraid he was cold. And best of all, despite the possibility that England could vomit at any moment, France still let England lay in his lap.

Actually, England could never stop loving France.

Okay. Go to plan C!

France took England to his hotel room. He carried England all the way from the taxi to the hotel room. Of course, England pretended to babble nonsense, called some guy's name that England didn't even know, and rubbed against France.

France understood England's s*xual solicitation body language to mean he was about to go crazy and destroy everything. Thinking so, France immediately took a cloth rope he pulled from somewhere and tied England's arms and legs and carried him on his shoulders just like the old days when he came back from hunting and carried a wild boar on his shoulders.

"... Hey, where did you get these ropes from?" England asked France. In his mind, England began to explain all kinds of cases, the one that England believed most was that these ropes were France's favorite tool in bed.

France's answer made England unpredictable.

"Ah yes, that time my boss locked me in my room so I tore off the bed sheet and tied it into a cloth rope to throw down from the window." France answered.

"... I believe it for now."

"No one forced you to believe it. It sounds like a wife interrogating her husband." France said jokingly. But the truth is, England was intending to interrogate France.

England was brought by France to his room, placed on the bed, and then France proceeded to untie each knot on England's legs and arms.

As soon as his arms and legs were free, England pushed France onto the bed and kissed France's face.

"Hey! What are you doing??" France cried out in panic before England locked his mouth.

"S*x, nothing else! You're asking too much!" England said, unbuttoning each button of his shirt.

Thinking that he wasn't acting well enough, England tried calling out the name of his imaginary ex-lover while groping France's body.

"No no, the person you want to have s*x with is him, not me." France cried without tears. "You're drunk. Please sober up."

"You don't understand, you..." England suddenly felt angry. But he quickly cooled down and wrote a tragic story. "During the time I spent with him, I always thought of you, Francis. I felt extremely sorry for him. When he found out that I always missed you, we broke up."

"What does that mean?" France tried to pretend he didn't understand anything.

"IT MEANS I LIKE YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!" England shouted. "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE S*X WITH ANYONE BUT YOU! NOW TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS, QUICKLY!!"

"I WILL NOT TAKE OFF!!" France shouted back. "YOU RUDE, YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE HAVE S*X WITH YOU THIS WAY!!"

"WHO CARES!!"

"I WILL TELL YOUR BROTHER!!"

"WHAT WILL YOU TELL??"

"THAT YOU PUT ME ON THE BED, FORCED ME TO TAKE OFF MY PANTS!!"

"YES THE DOGS MAY WILL BELIEVE!! THIS IS YOUR ROOM!! HE WILL BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO PLAY A TAKE ON ME!!"

"YOU BASTARD!!" France spoke up. "ARE YOU GOING TO USE THIS TO BLACKMAIL ME??"

"I DON'T INTEND TO BLACKMAIL YOU!! WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING SO BAD ABOUT ME?"

"IT'S BETTER THAN YOU ALWAYS THINK I'M A BASTARD CHEATING EVERYONE!!"

"WHATEVER, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!"

"YOU RUDE!! PUT YOUR COCK IN YOUR PANTS!"

"THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU AND ME ARE DOING THIS TOGETHER! AND NOW YOU ARE STILL SHOWING DIGNITY?!"

"WE WERE DRUNK AT THAT TIME!!"

"THEN NOW I'M SO DRUNKY HERE!!"

"BUT I DON'T!! F*CK IT, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!!!"

"YOU COWARD! WEAK COCK!"

"BETWEEN HAVING A WEAK COCK AND BEING IN PRISON, I WISH TO HAVE A WEAK COCK!!" France declared eloquently.

On the other side of the wall, right in the room next to France's hotel room, there was a group of people listening to their curses.

"They're so loud that we don't even have to strain our ears to hear them." Italy gasped in admiration. "We don't have to keep our voices down because their voices drown out ours."

"Hey China, have you ever seen a wrestling match as dramatic as this?" America asked the person next to him.

"Ho ho ho, the boy asked a good question." China nodded. "Of course not."

"Oh dear, I want to write a memoir about this passionate night so much." Prussia smacked his lips.

"I don't want England to burn down our house." Germany muttered.

"Wait Germany, why is a serious young man like you following us here?" Spain was startled to notice Germany's existence.

"We sell corn here, produced by a Dutch company." Belgium classifieds.

"Wow, it's so expensive. My place makes it both better and cheaper." Japan grimaced as he ate his first piece of popcorn.

Return to France's side of the room. I don't know when, what was a s*xual solicitation approaching r*pe, turned into a real wrestling match without the people involved even knowing what the hell they were wrestling for.

With the intoxication already in his body, England soon became tired, and collapsed before France.

Looking at England lying exhausted on him, France tried to pat England's face a little. There was no reaction. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief, and hugged England into his arms, stroking his head and comforting him. Well, he always liked England lying in his arms like this.

France took off England's shoes and tie, and carefully covered England with a blanket. He went into the bathroom to shower, change into pajamas, then returned to the bed to lie next to England.

"I don't care if I go to jail or not. You even called me a coward! You stupid caterpillar, who do you think I am?" France leaned down and kissed England's forehead. "Whether there's a law or not, when you're drunk, I won't do anything to you!"

France turned off the light, leaned closer to England and wrapped his arms around him. Soon, France's breathing gradually became regular. In the darkness, the red color gradually brightened up to England's ears.

Okay, England told himself, the next morning, he would pretend to forget everything that happened tonight, and give France a bouquet of flowers, or a meal at the most luxurious restaurant in London. Of course there will only be two people. At that time, England will be the most polite and civilized gentleman in the world, no longer the drunk guy who forced France to take off his pants like tonight.

France will certainly be very pleased.

As expected, if you want to confess your love to someone, be a bit dignified and polite.

And the group of love strategists on the other side. Well, actually, they were all planning to get away before the British tsundere unleash his wrath on them. It's okay, being punched by the British Empire and watching an entertaining scene like this is worth it to them.

As for America, he didn’t want to return to his country, nor was he afraid of anything. Leaving the hotel, he continued to stay in London all night and had a good time.

Because, learning from last time's experience, he hired students to hand-copy more than two thousand copies of the US Constitution for him. With two thousand copies of the Constitution in hand, he was no longer afraid of copying punishments.

That's because America hadn't considered that England will whisper loudly to the US President about forcing him to copy The Gettysburg Address a thousand times as a fine, but that's a story for later.

Tonight, while England is still resting comfortably in France's arms, let America make all the money in London's casinos with his childlike joy filled with happiness.

_The End_

Author’s note: As you may have realized (or not), this is a text rife with sarcasm.

[italianlobster]

Love Him Madly

Matías Recalt x Gender Neutral reader

Summary: You're a musician, and you write a song about your boyfriend, Matías Recalt.

(It's originally written by The Doors, but I changed the gender and it's set in modern times).

I wrote 3 fics todayy, I'm so proud of myself qq

--

3:00 AM

12 hours you have spent locked in your room. The only times you went out were to get food and use the bathroom. Crumbled paper filled with scribbled lyrics that didn't even make sense was scattered across your room as well as your own vinyls. You were busy writing down songs for your sixth album. It was called L.A. Woman. You were in desperate need of a shower along with a good night's sleep. You haven't slept all day and night. But you couldn't rest now, you had work to do. You promised the band you would be finished by the next day. Well, today, actually, it's early in the morning, and you have to be at the studio by 6:00 AM to present what you have written so far to the band. It had to be good and something that would catch their eye. Something that would hit the charts.

Your back was hunched due to looking down at the empty paper, and your hand began to cramp from holding that damn pencil all day and night. There was nothing good to write about. You have given your all in the last few albums. Your droopy eyes were going to give up any moment now. You looked through all your books and pictures for inspiration, from greek poetry to your graduation photos. All physical media was on the floor now except for your box dedicated to the love of your life, Matías Recalt.

Matías had been your boyfriend for 5 years now. You both met through friends, and the rest is history. You hadn't seen him in a while because just like you, he was busy with his celebrity status. He was an actor and spent the last few months filming for his newest movie, Society of the Snow, so you couldn't see him until he was done filming. You sighed as you opened the box, which revealed pictures of him as a baby to a teenager and finally an adult. There were also pictures of him and you. Your favorite photo included him asleep in a garden during one of your picnic dates. You placed little flowers you had picked in the garden on his hair while he slept peacefully and took the picture. He looked so beautiful. The real sleeping beauty.

4:00 AM

An hour had passed. You had spent one hour reliving the past with your boyfriend. It was worth it, though. You really needed something to cheer you up. So, you happily picked up that pencil again and began to write in the blank paper.

Don't ya love him madly?

Don't ya need him badly?

Don't ya love his ways?

Tell me what you say

The first few lyrics you had written in hours that you actually liked. You really loved him madly. Anyone would, too. You would do anything for that man. But you wanted to be his lover, not his devoted slave so you erased a lyric of wanting to do anything for him. Now, you were left with only 4 lines so far. Thoughts of Matías danced in your mind. His lovely smile, voice, and personality. You really needed him badly now. His touch and his words. You needed to hear him say, "I love you," again. You needed to hug him and feel his warmth. You thought about the both of you sleeping together, him being the little spoon and you being the big spoon. Your arms around his waist and your legs tangled with his. The scent of his shampoo still lingering in his hair, which filled your nostrils. It was one of your favorite scents, along with his natural aroma. The only place you needed to be in right now was in his arms. So, you grabbed a nearby blanket and rolled it. You hugged it tightly with your eyes closed, imagining that you were hugging him.

You loved his ways. The way he walked. The way he dressed. His way of living and just his lifestyle in general. Weirdly enough, you even fell in love with the way he slept. So peaceful and calm, with no worries in the world and you at his side. He was a kind and healthy soul, and you aspired to be like him. You wanted him to teach you his ways. He could tell you anything, and you'd be interested in whatever. He can make anything interesting. You also never got bored of looking at him. You could stare at him forever. If you had the talent, you would build a sculpture of him and show it off to everyone that this gorgeous man is yours only.

Let me tell you what, this man is an angel sent by God himself. You were alone before you met him, and he saved your life on multiple occasions. When you met him for the first time, it was like a fairytale.

Now, tell me,

Don't ya love him madly?

Wanna be his mommy? (Or daddy or other)

Don't ya love his face?

God bless the parents that raised him, you thought.

Again, you loved him madly. Your love for him was so strong that you would've been locked up in the old days for being so crazy in love. "They'd have to lock us both up, not just you." Matías would always say. You giggled. You remembered the first time Matías said I love you. It was in a note he had sent you along with a silver, diamond, heart-shaped ring. You gasped when you opened the box.

Dear Y/N,

Hi, I hope you love your gift. I had it made specifically for you, with your initials engraved on top of the heart. It's special. I remember the first time we've met, how pretty you looked when I talked to you for the first time. So cute, I'll never forget that face. I'll come back to you as soon as I'm done filming. I promise. I know you or me haven't said I love you yet, but I'll be the first, I love you. I hope that didn't make you mad or anything. I really love you so much. I mean it.

Love, Matías Recalt

You couldn't wait to see the look on Matías' face when you tell him for the first time, I love you. How his eyes would widened and he would blush. How he would be shocked that someone else actually loves him. Not for his looks or his money, just for him as a person. You loved his face. His pale skin, pink lips, and dark eyes. His face had "flaws" like acne, but you loved his acne. It made look more cuter, and you always told him not to be insecure about it. His dark eyes were small. You loved how his eyes shrunk whenever he laughed or smiled. Your heart would melt.

Don't ya love him as he's walkin' out the door?

Like he did one thousand times before

Don't ya love his ways?

Tell me what you say?

Don't ya love him as he's walkin' out the door?

Since Matías is a famous actor, he is always on the move and busy. You both go months without seeing each other physically. He has walked out the door one thousand times before. You loved the way he walked out. A specific time where he walked out was when he had a ton of luggage, sunglasses on, a white blouse that was unbuttoned with his chest revealed, and tight black jeans. The weather was blazing that day. You could see droplets of sweat on his neck and chest. His hair was starting to go frizzy from the humdity. He looked down at his watch to see the time. His side profile was like a work of art. Unfortunately, you couldn't admire him for much longer and he had to leave. Matías gave you a kiss on the lips, and he walked out the door for the one thousandth time.

All your love

All your love

All your love

All your love

All your love is gone

So sing a lonely song

Of a deep blue dream

Seven horses seem to be on the mark

Yeah, don't you love him?

Don't you love him as he's walkin' out the door?

When you and Matías were separated, all your love was gone. So was his. You couldn't visit each other for even a short time due to your and his busy schedule. The both of you were lonely. There was nothing you could do. While it was your passion to become a musician, you sometimes felt like quitting just to be by Matías' side. He also thought the same. Life meant nothing without Matías.

All your love

All your love

All your love

Yeah, all your love is gone

So sing a lonely song

Of a deep blue dream

Seven horses seem to be on the mark

Well, don't ya love him madly?

Don't ya love him madly?

Don't ya love him madly?

You wrote the same lyrics again because it was your favorite part of the song. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. You yawned and went up to show who it was. Probably one of your band mates. Your hand grasped the doorknob and twisted it. When the door sprung open, there was Matías. With his hands on his hips and a smile on his face.

You really loved him madly.

--

[sanisme]

take a break

GIF & ayato divider made by me. credit @sanisme if you use anything please. credits to @kiyaedits for the divider at the end xo

summary – your boss calls you over to his office, quite unusual of him. why? word count – 3.1k

pairing – kamisato ayato x fem!reader content warnings - smut, softdom!ayato, virgin!reader with a perv mind, corruption kink, consensual sex, oral (m!receiving), slight mentions of deepthroating (tw gagging), facial, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, praise, spanking, overstimulation, dumbification, semi public sex, ayato is your boss and long time crush, multiple rounds, pet names used

author's note – this is my first ever post. i'm still learning how tumblr works so please bear with me! lowercase is intended by the way. enjoy.

your duty as the kamisato clan head's assistant consisted of caring for cleanliness of the workplace and to keep things in order. as of the present moment, you were taking care of a pile of rather important documents and papers that fell over as you were taking care of another part of the house. picking up the scrambled papers on all fours on the floor was much more energy consuming than it seemed to you at first.

to help pass the time you would often let your mind drift and think of interesting scenarios as a way of making your job less unpleasant. these scenarios would often end up with you thinking of the one person you desired....doing things to you. it was not an uncommon occurrence, and though you felt uncomfortable with those thoughts at first, you had grown to enjoy them. they seemed to make time go faster.

as you were picking up the last few papers, imagining various things in that creative mind of yours, you heard a masculine voice call out your name. was that inside your head? god, you had gone so far with those thoughts you couldn't tell.

"am i bothering you? it's somewhat of an emergency."

you swiftly stood to your feet and straightened your clothes, turning around to see a tall blonde man smiling at you.

"hi, thoma. not at all. what is it?"

"boss asked to see you in his office. he told me to make it quick. it seems important."

giving thoma a confused look, you nodded and tried to catch your breath, and off you went. it was unusual of ayato to call you up to his office, though you weren't complaining. you took any opportunity you had to talk to him, given that he was the man you desired. a little anxious, you hesitantly walked up to the door and knocked.

"come in, dear."

you couldn't deny that you loved his flirtatious ways with you, how he was always physical whenever he interacted with you, with his little touches on your shoulder, your arm or even your back. but you'd rather die than publicly admit it. as you walked in you were greeted by ayato, sitting at his desk with his usual business documents neatly divided into two piles on his work surface. when you looked up at his face he was smiling warmly and looked at you straight in the eyes.

"take a seat, please."

and so you did. you were way reluctant to speak up, too nervous to get mixed up in your words and say a bunch of nonsense. why was he making you so nervous? you had known the guy for years. a little crush wasn't usually something that made you lose your self-assurance, perhaps his behavior around you was what made you fall for him harder.

"archons, calm down. you haven't done anything wrong, i promise." he giggled.

you smiled at him softly and loosened up, already less nervous being aware that his demand to see you wasn't for negative reasons. you finally spoke up and asked him how you could help.

"you should take a break from cleaning. this place is very well ordered. you're a very good maid, you know? sometimes i tell myself you deserve to be rewarded for it."

you felt heat rise up to your face and looked down, trying to cover the redness on your face. your jaw was starting to hurt a bit from the wide smile that took over your face. though not only a feeling of happiness took you over. you pressed your thighs together very tight at the sudden praise. if there was one thing that gave you butterflies, it was certainly praise. you were long aware of your praise kink and sometimes used it in your fantasies with ayato. it truly made your stomach do flips, now that praise was actually coming out of his mouth directly at you, the effect was much stronger. you felt a familiar feeling grow within your stomach.

"rewarded? how?" you stutter.

you watch silently as ayato examines your face with his amethyst-like eyes, seemingly boring holes straight into you, scanning your features so carefully. you felt the pressure rise up in you, your heartbeat increasing by the second.

"why don't you come help me with those papers? come here." he motions at you with his hand to approach him.

with a faint smile on your face you hesitantly get up from your seat, slowly and carefully walking towards him, very self-conscious of the way you looked and behaved. was your hair looking okay? were your clothes dirty from kneeling on the ground earlier? were you walking weird? too quiet?

as you stood still next to him, unsure of what to do with yourself, ayato stared at you through his lashes before backing up his chair by a few inches.

"you see, i've been having a little trouble concentrating today. too many thoughts running through my head. i feel like i need some assistance with this job...and the first person i've thought about for this kind of help was you." he spoke carefully.

"isn't thoma usually the one who helps you with those things?"

"thoma isn't fit for this job."

confused, you slightly tilted your head to the right, nervous to look at him. god, you hated eye contact. you searched for somewhere to look at so you wouldn't have to look at him, and doing that, you accidentally took a glance at this bulge between his legs. it was big. was he...hard? your eyebrows softened at the sight, unintentionally. hopefully he hadn't caught up to it.

"y/n, you've been loyal to the kamisato clan for years now. you're a very dear coworker...such a sweetheart..."

he sighed after that particular word that made your heart skip a beat, he sounded impatient.

"...i've desired you for a long time. i need you y/n, right now." he said in a sincere voice, grabbing your hand with his gloved one.

you finally looked up into his lustful eyes, lips parting, tightening your hold on his hand, finally catching up to what he so desperately wanted from you. without a word you kneeled down and slid under his desk, inbetween his spread legs. he was enjoying this and so were you, despite the tight knot in your stomach. he smiled at the feeling of you unbuckling his belt and freeing his cock from its confines. you tried to stay neutral at the sight of it. its prominent size made you wonder how much you could fit in your mouth.

you finally decided to wrap your hand around the base, opting to start delicately stroking him. he was so hard you thought he would cum any second now, but his face said otherwise. he was doing his job, scrambling through his papers like nothing was happening under there. if someone happened to walk in here, no one would be able to tell. it was like your dirty little secret.

you went up to the tip, rubbing it with your thumb, and applying pressure right under it, eliciting a hum from your boss. slowly inching your head forward, you started with little kitten licks on the head of his cock, and finally taking him fully inside your mouth. he was so big you could barely fit it all inside your warm, wet hole. bobbing your head up and down, you increased the pace and sucked in your cheeks to create more friction around him. noticing how much he was enjoying it, you went further by swirling your tongue around him, making him grab onto your hair with such force. he had clearly gotten louder and despite having relaxed now that there was some action, you quickly started to get nervous again at the thought that somebody would walk in, alarmed by the obvious sounds.

he swiftly moved your head up and down quickly, unintentionally hitting the back of your throat, making you gag a few times, tears invading the corners of your eyes. he thought it was sexy to see you crying from his big cock. you grabbed onto his clothed thighs to hold yourself up, knees hurting. you couldn't help but feel some sense of pride at how ayato, such a prominent, proper, formal man could so easily lose his composure to someone like you, and you loved it. you had never done this kind of thing before, the only base of knowledge you had was from those suggestive books you read sometimes to fantasize.

at this point it seemed like he was using your mouth as his personal fleshlight. you let yourself be guided until he let out the softest, most adorable moan and quickly pulled out of your mouth, stroking himself in right front of your face with the squelching sounds of your saliva mixed with his precum invading your ears. he came without warning, painting your face in his thick cum, and there was so much of it. you wanted a taste.

he tried to catch his breath, letting out soft little grunts and cut-off curses, caressing the back of your head where he had pulled so hard.

"i'm sorry...did i hurt you? he spoke up and you shook your head, smiling at him.

"you're so good at this...such a good girl. i wanna make you feel good too."

he moved his hand from the back of your head to your cheeks, grabbing them with both hands and softly caressing them. you felt like you were melting. his cum-stained thumb made its way towards your lips and you unhesitatingly took it in your mouth, sucking on it. he tasted warm and bitter, with a sweet aftertaste and you loved it. after getting rid of the rest, you stared up at the man who was now holding your chin up to stare at your face.

"why don't you get up here sweetheart? come sit on my lap."

and so you did as he said, feeling internally excited not only to tend to his sexual pleasure like a good girl, but also to be so physically close to the person you had been admiring for so long. your brain still hadn't processed what was happening, but you were about to. the chair was wide enough to allow you to straddle his lap, your legs laying comfortably on either side of his hips...but the friction between your legs did not go unnoticed by the both of you. you could feel his hot breath on you as well as his chest rising up and down, his heart beating at a steady rhythm. he seemed to know what he was doing. had he had many women? had he given others the same pleasure you so wished he inflicted on you for so long? your mind began to wander as you felt some sort of jealousy well up within your heart, but now wasn't the time. you had the man of your dreams sitting right under you. you snapped back into reality when you felt his big, gloved hands snake around your waist, rubbing up and down, to finally set up on your hips. the jealousy soon died out and turned into butterflies. you stared at him in awe, pupils wide, with a prominent blush on your face. he could tell you were nervous from your slight trembling.

"this is the first time you do something like this, isn't it?"

you shyly nodded, lips parting instinctively.

"i'll be gentle then, sweetheart. wouldn't want to hurt such a precious little thing, am i right?"

he sure knew how to make your stomach do flips. the bastard was doing it on purpose, and he was so damn good at it. if humans could melt, you'd be some sort of mush right now. right on his lap, his bare lap...

you couldn't help but slightly grind your hips against his cock, watching his eyebrows furrow in pleasure. with his hands, he guided your hips to increase your pace, until he put you to a stop.

"enough." he said sharply, but not in a rude manner.

with his hands, he picked up your hips, slowly lowering you onto him. being a virgin, you winced at the sudden and painful stretch, letting out little gasps but he did not stop, he was enjoying this too much. did he have a kink or something? he gave you a few minutes to adjust to him, of course he wouldn't want you to have a bad time.

"you're so t-tight baby, it's hard to focus. you feel amazing. such a cute, good, good girl."

he slowly started to move your hips at a steady rhythm, though it hurt at first, the pain soon started to turn into pleasure, his member hitting so deliciously against that special spot deep inside your pussy. you couldn't help but moan a little too loud – eyes rolling back. he placed a hand on your mouth a applied pressure to your jaw to keep you quiet.

"wouldn't wanna get caught in this position, sweet baby. you're a special girl, wouldn't wanna make the others jealous, right? hearing you getting fucked so well by my cock, only you get special treatment. nobody else is to know about it. you're my special girl aren't you?"

you nodded quickly as your noises turned into heavy, quick breaths – when you felt him thrust up into you you held your hips up, loving the pleasure he was giving you, wanting more and more of it, you soon became addicted to him. he began kissing your neck, your chest, fondling your breasts and playing with your nipples all the while picking up the pace on his loins when he felt your tight pussy closing up on him repeatedly, signalling your first orgasm. sure enough, your eyes rolled back and you couldn't help the scream of his name raging from your throat as he was sent over the edge at the same time as you, filling up your tight cunt to the brim with his juices, again gifting you with a huge load that flowed out of your pussy onto his balls, and spilling down your shaking thighs.

you felt drained, letting your body slump against his, drooling onto his shoulder, catching your breath. you felt satisfied yet sad that this special moment was over, hoping it would happen again in the future. picking yourself up you looked directly at him, focused on his figure, shaking, hands squeezing your plush ass, eyes looking tired as ever, breathing heavily. how did you manage to make him such a mess? it was a truly beautiful sight you'd keep in your memory forever. you longed for more in your mind, but didn't say a word. and at that moment you thought he had mind reading skills.

"bend over the desk, love."

the sentence itself gave you butterflies and you involuntarily tightened up on his cock, still buried inside of you. you slowly stood up, legs wobbly from the delightful orgasm he gifted you with and excitedly did as he said. he took a moment to grab onto your ass, spreading it and looking at the mess he made between your legs. it was sexy, yet you felt exposed and flustered by his actions.

when he got up, you felt impatient to have him inside you yet again. it was a feeling you'd grown addicted to. he wasted no time in plunging himself right inside your cunt, swiftly but carefully. he wanted to make ruins of your body. having that idea in his mind, he started right away with a quick pace which had you seeing starts, moans muffled by the drool-stained wooden desk against your mouth. he smoothed his palms against your behind and without warning he spanked you really hard, three times in a row, twice on the left, once on the right, making you let out little yelps each time.

"more! more! more! please, sir!"

"that's my good girl. so well mannered. you take me so well, you're doing such a good job for me. keep taking me like that, yeah...that's it. i'll make you feel so good."

another slap was felt on your ass and it only made you louder and louder, ayato's care for the noise was long gone, and so was his sanity. all he wanted was your pussy milking him, over and over again.

"perhaps i should call you in my office more often, what do you think? i think this job requires...two people...fuck-"

his consistent pounding made him seem like a feral beast claiming you in the wild, his dick was so big you thought he'd split you in half. hearing that this kind of thing would occur again made you want to scream his name over and over without a care in the world, wanting to let everyone know how good he made you feel, and then you were cumming again- legs shaking against him, hole creaming around him while he cursed over and over again, he loved the feeling of your pussy pulsating so hard.

"aren't you my sweet little toy? do you like when i talk to you like this? i'll make you feel like this everyday if you wish it, you're mine now."

you could only babble nonsense as he fucked your brains out, not being able to let a single coherent sentence out.

"have i fucked you stupid already? have you become my dumb little baby? so sweet. don't say anything, let me take good care of you."

he filled you up one last time. you felt warm and satisfied, holding onto the desk and giving ayato a personal memory of this special moment with the mark of your nails engraved onto it forever. your ass was on fire from the repeated spanking, your vision was blurry from the overstimulation and your eyes were tearing up from the pleasure inflicted on you. his hands ran up from your ass to wrap around your waist, pulling you onto his lap in a bridal-style embrace as he sat down. his heartbeat and his warmth were comforting, his eyes staring softly at your face before placing soft kisses all over it, leaving your lips for last. your first ever kiss, and certainly not the last.

ayato had made his mind up long ago that he wanted you as his partner for the rest of his life, and he had finally claimed you. you were his now. you could already tell he was your home.

you drifted off into a blissful sleep at the thought of your new lover.

© 2023 sanisme. do not repost my works on any platform.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Tabitha-who-saw-the-gods

I haven't had much to writing to post the past few days cos uni's lasting 12h 😭😭 But here's another old story! Warning: It's pretty gory (16-year-old me had a thing for torture)

My captor had empty eyes. The eyes were the window to the soul, and there was nobody at home in his. 

That wasn't to say he wasn't bright, of course. I found that out the hard way, when I tried to escape, one day after he caught me. “Silly, silly little lamb,” he purred, after finding me sprawled on the floor.

I had chewed through my bonds and began crawling (for my legs were broken) towards freedom. The door had been so close, but I could not reach the knob, and my feeble attempts at knocking it down only served to batter my shoulder. The floor chilled my body to the bone, and I nearly succumbed to exhaustion, but still I kept at my futile task. But when the door finally opened, I was unsurprised to find him standing on the other end of it, grinning at my misfortune.

“Did you really think you could escape? The Father sees all, and He knows all,” he murmured in my ear as he hauled me back to the chair. His fingers burned where they gripped my thighs, and it was all I could do to stop myself from biting his arm when he brushed my hair aside. “Naughty child, you've ruined your ropes! I suppose I'll have to retie them.” He dropped me on the chair and began knotting the ropes again. I watched him dully, too exhausted and miserable to struggle.

When he was done, he said, “I think I need to make sure you never try that little stunt again.” Then he picked up pliers from a shelf (they were always too high for me to reach) and lowered himself to better access my face. “Smile, now,” he demanded, opening the pliers.

I didn't want to. I knew what he meant to do. But, by then, I also knew what he would do if I didn't, and losing my teeth was better than losing whatever else he would go for. 

So I bared my teeth, and screamed until my voice went out, and only a hoarse whisper came out of my ruined throat. Blood dripped down my jaws and stained the rags that I wore as clothes until I looked like I had been baptised in my own fluids. The pain was sharp, a knife that blinded me and pulled the air out of my lungs. I would have killed myself just to escape it, but I wanted to live. Despite everything, I still wanted to live.

“Idiot girl,” he whispered, wiping my tears away, as the last molar fell from the pilers. “Did I not tell you not to struggle? Now you've ruined your dress. Soon you might have to go nude as a newborn.” He whispered those words as a threat, but another humiliation piled onto the list wasn't enough to break me. I met his gaze, blood still streaming from my mouth and tears still falling from my eyes, and I watched him leave defiantly.

That night, I thought I would die. If not from the pain, then from the blood loss. I almost yearned for it, for I could find no light at the end of the tunnel save for the incoming train. But my body was stronger than I knew, and I survived, weak as I was.

I wish I hadn't. When the wounds congealed, and the pain dulled to a thud, I discovered a new, fresh agony (for the world keeps on giving). I was thirsty.

My throat had been hoarse when I screamed, but it burned now. I was the desert itself, my body a dried husk, the lifeblood of a thousand tribes turned to dust on my mouth. My tongue was a slug, salted and dying, filling my mouth with foul rot and grime. The tears crystallised to salt tracks, and I found nothing within me could induce more. 

Yet, despite it all, my bladder still filled to the bursting. And even as my lips chapped and my mouth ached, the pressure between my legs grew. I tried to keep it in, tried to refuse that particular humiliation.

It was pointless, as everything was. Inevitably, I wet myself. I suppose it was a testament to my desperation that I tried to drink the mess that came out, and it was a blessing (or a curse) that my bonds wouldn't let me.

The next indignity, right alongside the gnawing hunger and scraping thirst, was insanity. It came to everyone trapped alone in the dark, with nothing but the chittering of rats and the soft agony of ropes against raw skin. 

The voices arrived first, whispering things, gentle caresses of my ears. They sang wordless harmonies, mourning my pain, mocking my entrapment. Then they took corporeal forms, wisps of impossible light. I strained my eyes to see those dancing figures. A distant part of me, the same that prayed to be saved, thought they were real. But they were nothing but psychosis, just as my rescue was but a figment-tale. So I simply watched them hopelessly.

They fell away (as I knew they would) when he returned. He was not alone, of course. A wordless doctor, clad in sterile white, tended to me with quick practised strokes. My captor stood aside and waited, then shut the door behind him. “Well,” he murmured, when the healer left, “Have you learnt your lesson?”

I nodded glumly. “Is that really all you have to say? It doesn't sound like you learned something,” he said, low and threatening.

I did not respond. Wordlessness was my final fortress, the last sanctum of defiance that I clutched to my chest. I would scream, I would cry, but never would I utter something coherent. Neither he nor his cronies was worthy of a single word from my mouth.

His face darkened, and I found his knife pressed against the tender flesh of my breast, digging in until blood welled up, a ruby rose in a sea of grimy ivory. “Tell me, where is your Goddess now, little huntress? Admit that she doesn't exist,” he hissed. “How can you believe in her, when you lie here in your own filth? You are no hunter. You are nothing but prey, little mouse, and poor prey at that.”

I did not rise to that jibe. My captor (for I would never call him a priest) slashed against my chest, scoring it with his rage. “You will come into the light, my mouse,” he hissed, with those dull eyes of his burning into my gaze. “You will abandon your bow and join the flock, and obey the will of the truth.”

I merely gave him a wan smile, as if to say ‘you may try'. I saw the rage flare up then, the first sparks within those holes of darkness. But he could not mutilate me further, not if he wished to parade me for his people. I needed ears to hear his preaching, I needed eyes to be blinded by his light, and I needed lips to curse his false God with my dying breath.

I clung to that thought after he left me alone in the darkness, a tiny shield to defend the onslaught of laughter and twirling. Closing my eyes did nothing but remind me of the agony of dryness, a suffering that grew to obscure even the healing pains and the hunger. It was my second day without water, if I had judged correctly, and I was not long for this world if my captor refused to hydrate me. 

But he did come in eventually. He bore a bucket of water and what I could only describe as a look of childish indignance. I laughed at him, then, though it was naught more than a crackle of the throat, and was rewarded with a glare. “You'll pay for that, little one,” he snarled, making the endearment sound like a curse. “This is holy water. Know what that means?”

I understood. ‘Holy water' was not holy by any means. It was a poison, one that incited anguish but left no lasting marks. Liquid pain, it was called. But it was water all the same, and I was desperate enough to deem it a blessing. So I opened my mouth in challenge. “Really? You think God will not punish you for that insolence? This water will burn you like the heretic you are.”

He tipped the water into my mouth, and I screamed. I screamed as liquid fire coursed down my throat, rending, ripping and reaping my very soul. The wraiths appeared again, as if to mock me, as if to watch me at my suffering, as if to give their judgement in the form of a dance.

One wraith drifted to my captor, twirling about him, caressing his neck. I watched in a broken, screaming daze as he laughed, oblivious to the surrounding demons. Had I truly gone mad, or were his eyes too empty to see them? 

“There,” he hissed, pouring the last of the water on my bent head. “Have you felt the Father's fury yet? Do you repent?” The wraiths seemed to giggle at this, their whispery chittering reaching a crescendo of glee.

I shook my head resolutely and closed my eyes, preparing for the blow I knew I would receive. It never came, however. Had he simply left me like this, soaking wet and in cold agony? Surely he would take the opportunity to snub me, to sneer and spit at me.

I opened my eyes again, and looked up. He was not there, and the darkness had overtaken me entirely. It was then I knew I had truly been lost to insanity, for the wraiths stood in a circle, watching me. 

They were clad in the finest jewels, robes of spider silk and gold filigree. The Goddesses, my demented, heretical mind told me. I was looking at a court of the Goddesses. 

Ysloltia stood to the fore, bow in one arm. To her sides were Kur’aelle, Goddess of Life, and Czukaria, Goddess of Fire. The lesser Goddesses stood behind them, watching me with ethereal fascination. “Hello, little mouse,” a voice whispered in my ear. I froze, for it was a man's voice, and I knew of only one male god.

The Haven-Father, patron god of my captor. But- he was not real. He could not be. It was heresy to believe so, for the Phygarai were liars and destroyers. I closed my eyes, willing the twisted vision to go away. I would not succumb, for I was faithful. I was one of the Ys'secalia, pure, holy, indomitable.

“Silly mouse, entering my people's granary. You think yourself secure within the arms of your goddesses?” He chucked. “They will not defend you, now that you have stepped into my domain. They will watch as my people and I remould you into a good follower. You overstepped your bounds, huntress, and you shall be stripped of your weapons.”

He drifted in front of me, smiling with faux benevolence. He blocked out the sight of my patrons, and tilted my chin to look at him. “Admit it, child. I am your god, now. Cast aside your lies and accept me with open arms. The Haven-Father will take pity on you,” he whispered.

I refused to dignify his offer with words. I was loyal, unshakable. “You truly think to deny me? I am infinitely more patient. We have forever, girl. In time, you will break. You will beg me to accept you into my flock,” he murmured, ever so slightly amused. “I ask you one more time: Will you obey?”

I shook my head, and he struck me. Lightning convulsed through my body, white-red agony. There were spikes penetrating my eyes, flesh melting off my skin, bones cracking and crumbling under the strain. But in my addled state, I could not scream. The pressure built up within my chest until I burst open, guts spilling out at his feet.

I shook my head again, and he struck me once more. The pain was not merely bone-deep, then. It struck the very core of my being, loss and grief and despair. I watched my family wither away, my sisters and brothers grow ever thinner as the days passed. I saw armies crush our villages, tearing our forests down and taking our prey. I knew true anguish then, for it was all my fault. If I had accepted his offer…

Yet I clung to defiance. It was all I had left, when strength failed me, pride died before me, and faith dwindled to naught. My goddesses mattered not in the face of that onslaught. They had abandoned me to my fate, and so I abandoned them. I met the Haven-Father's gaze. He had no anger burning in his eyes, no triumph, nothing but sheer confidence that he would succeed. And he would, I knew. My will was faltering, and I was only human. He was a god, omniscient and omnipotent. I would never survive.

But I summoned the dregs of my contumacy, and shook my head one final time, eyes closed and shoulders hunched. The agony coalesced into a final wave, cresting and crashing down upon me. I drowned, my mortal soul crushed, my human body turned to dust, my final spark of defiance extinguished. And still I did not submit. I do not know why. I do not know how. I simply held on, past reason, past hope, past defiance. 

I opened my eyes to find myself back in the torture room. The world was grey to me, drained of everything. Phantoms of that pain wracked me. The wraith-deities were nowhere to be seen. Like the dying light of sunset, I heard a deep, ever so amused voice.

“A huntress in truth and deed. Perhaps you do deserve to live. Give my people a good fight, little huntress…”

I waited, numb, for my captor to return. Was it but a hallucination, an overloading of my tired body? Had I truly met the Haven-Father, truly seen the goddesses in all their glory? Was I a saint or schizophrenic? 

The answer came when I tugged lightly at my bonds and found myself freed, and uninjured besides. I had been healed and released from captivity. On unsteady feet, I got up. There was a dagger on the shelf, which I could finally reach. I picked it up and walked out. 

My captor was there, smiling to himself with those empty eyes. His expression did not change, even as his dagger pierced his chest. He fell like a stone, blood bubbling out of his wound, and I plucked the dagger out of him silently. Part of me wished he could have seen his ending coming, that he could feel the fear I once felt. But it was not the way of my people to maim and torture. We were hunters, not monsters.

Stepping over his corpse, I fled the Phygaranian cathedral. I fled the gods and the priests and in my wake I left a myth; that of Tabitha-who-saw-the-gods, the Silent Saint.

[wholewheatcatloaf]

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Legendary: Success]

Kim stands outside the back door of Precinct 41, smoking. Jean walks up next to him and lights a cigarette. He takes a deep drag and hesitates for a long, tense moment before opening his mouth.

"We need to talk."

"Yes we do," Kim replies. The lieutenant's words are quick and ready like a loaded pistol. "Your actions earlier were highly unprofessional. I understand that you still don't believe Harry has changed, but you can't speak to him like that in front of the other officers. Give him a chance to prove himself -- or at least, keep your feelings to yourself so the rest of the precinct can."

Jean frowns as the two make eye contact. Kim's voice is calm and professionally cold, but the fire in his eyes betrays him. They're full of anger, defensiveness, overshadowed by a tender protectiveness.

It's a look that's painfully familiar.

Jean maintains eye contact. "How long has Harry been sober this time?"

"Three months. You already know this, he stopped cold turkey the day after he lost his memory."

"I was just wondering if he'd slipped up yet." Jean looks down at his cigarette and ashes it. "Figured if anyone knew, it'd be you. I've known him for almost five years now, and I've lost track of how many times he's tried to go sober. He usually falls off the wagon by now, but the longest he's gone without a drink is six months."

Jean looks up again. "You haven't seen the full cycle yet, you've only seen him on the upswing. The longer he's sober, the harder he'll relapse. He won't realize how much his tolerance has gone down, and he'll be furious at himself, and the world, and at you for trying to help him. Look."

Jean leans over and parts the hair on the side of his head to reveal a scar. It's still pink, hasn't yet faded to silver against his pale skin.

"That last time, he was doing okay until a particularly difficult case. He was placed on leave for a week. I was worried about him -- what he might do without work to keep him busy. I stopped by his apartment to check on him."

Jean hesitates. "He was naked, covered in vomit. Too drunk to talk. Just kept mumbling "fuck you" and "lemme die" as I cleaned him up. After half an hour of trying to get him out of the tub I finally snapped at him, knowing he wouldn't remember anything I said anyway. I think I told him he's an asshole for always making his feelings everyone else's problem. He punched me, and I fell back and hit my head on the corner of the sink."

He takes a deep breath, glaring at nothing on the ground in front of him, then continues. "Of course he didn't remember anything the next day. He said sorry a million times but it was clear he couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea that it had actually happened."

"It was like that every time he went too hard on the drink. He'd scream, make threats, sometimes hurt people. You've heard about the case with the two drunks, right? Then once it's over, the monster who did all those things is just gone. Harry is back, with nothing but tearful apologies and heartfelt promises that he'll never do any of it again."

Jean finally looks up again. Kim's shoulders are still tense but his expression has gone from angry to unreadable. He was ready for a fight, not this.

"I stuck by that asshole's side for years. I told myself that he would get better someday. That those times he saved my life somehow made up for the way he treated me during his benders, and that the apologies really meant something even though I knew he was just going to get drunk and do it again. And every time he would hate himself a little more. And then he'd drown that hatred with even more alcohol."

Jean takes one last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out on his shoe. "The thing with alcoholics is... Once they've given up on themselves, you have no choice. You have to give up on them too. For your own sake. If you try to run their lives for them, to pick up the slack whenever their addiction makes them drop the ball on something, you'll only end up enabling them. I did that for too long. And now you're trying to tell me that after I finally accepted the truth and let go, this is the time he finally got his shit together? I don't believe it."

Kim is silent for a while. He looks down at his cigarette, burnt down to the filter. He stubs it out and tosses it into a nearby trashcan, then he looks up at Jean. "I'm very sorry you had to go through that," he says carefully. The anger in his voice is gone. "It must have been incredibly difficult. I don't blame you for hitting your limit. But... I think this time really is different."

"I hope you're right, but unless-" Jean's voice cracks suddenly, surprising himself. "I can't trust him unless I know he's finally changed."

"Only time will tell," Kim says quietly.

[writingwithciara]

Warning Labels ~Nate Macauley~

summary: getting all types of warnings from her friends about nate macauley, y/n knows she shouldn't be falling for him. but she does anyway, knowing it will most likely end badly.

word count: 2.5k

pairings: nate macauley x reader

warnings: swearing, mention of drugs

a/n: just recently watched One Of Us Is Lying & immediately fell in love with nate. not sure why but i'm glad it happened. this takes place in a world where bronwyn doesn't exist (although i love her)

masterlist

"Who'd you get as your science partner?" Addy set her lunch tray down and looked at her friend.

"I got Nate." y/n sighed. "Has he ever handed in a project in his life?"

"Not since the 7th grade." Jake shook his head and laughed. "You're pretty much screwed if you want a good grade. He hardly comes to school, but when he does, he's usually only here to sell drugs."

"I'll just do the project myself and put his name on it."

"That's not fair. He shouldn't get credit for not doing anything."

"Jake, I've been doing the same thing for you for the last 5 years. Don't tell me it isn't right."

"Okay, fine. Let him believe that he can slack off all the time and still manage to get decent grades while not deserving them." Jake picked up his lunch tray and Addy followed. Cooper looked at y/n and shrugged before following the others out of the cafeteria.

During her free period, y/n decided to go find Nate. Luckily he was in the very first place she looked.

"Nate, we need to talk."

"If this is about our science project, you don't have to worry. Let's come up with a topic and I'll do my fair share of the work."

"Are you serious? You haven't done work on a project since the 7th grade."

"Okay, that's not true. In 7th grade, Jake & I were partners on a project & I actually did a lot of the work but he turned it in on the day I was really sick, so he got all the credit. Ever since then, teachers will put me with the rich kids who usually don't do their own work & they just expect that I won't do any of the work. And then the same situation repeats itself over and over."

"That's not right. You should tell somebody."

"Who is the administration going to believe, huh? The rich kid obviously. To them, I'm nothing but a drug dealer."

"Maybe we can change that. I'm not a rich kid & I won't take credit for any work you do, as long as you actually do something on the project."

"Okay. Meet me at the library in town after school. I have a few topics that I want to discuss." Nate climbed on his bike and took off before y/n could respond. She shook her head and headed back inside for her last class of the day.

After school was over, y/n walked towards the library. She was expecting to be waiting for Nate for a few hours but when the library came into view, she saw Nate sitting on the front steps. When he saw her, he jumped up excitedly.

"I really wasn't expecting you to show up on time."

"Well, I got here a little earlier than planned. I know, it's shocking."

"Very, given your reputation to not show up to things."

"I'm a senior in high school. I think my reputation needs a change." Nate chuckled and looked at y/n. "Let's get started."

Nate & y/n spent 3 hours trying to come up with a good science project that wouldn't take too long but would produce some impressive results. They narrowed their list down to a few and decided that they'd pick one and start it tomorrow.

After the library, Nate gave y/n a ride home on his bike.

"Thanks for the ride." she smiled and climbed off, handing the helmet back to him.

"It was no problem. It's on my way home anyway." Nate put the helmet on the back of his bike and looked back at her. "Thanks for not giving up on working with me for this project."

"We gotta change your reputation, right?" she offered him another smile and turned around. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"Same time, same place?"

"If you're referring to school, then yes. But if you're talking about the library, I'll probably be a little late. Got practice for an hour."

"Oh, right. Forgot you were a cheerleader." he chuckled and started his bike. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." Nate was gone before y/n could respond.

"See you tomorrow, Nate Macauley."

The next day at school, Nate showed up to all of his classes and only sold kids drugs during breaks and lunch. When the day was over, y/n went to the gym for practice. Addy looked up from doing her stretches.

"Hey, y/n. Over here."

Y/n approached her friend and started her stretches. "Hey, where is everybody else? There's only 5 girls here."

"I'm not sure. There was only 2 when I got here." Addy grabbed onto her foot and leaned over. "So, I noticed Nate showed up at school today and actually attended classes."

"Yeah. Science class was interesting. I mean, watching the teacher yell at him for missing so many assignments was hilarious. It was even better when he was handed all the workbooks and papers."

"I'm sure he wasn't pleased with it."

"It was funny, but I do kind of feel bad for him." y/n stretched her arms out.

"Oh well. Serves him right for missing so much school." Addy checked over her shoulder when the door slammed open. A few more cheerleaders walked in and took their usual spots. "Where's the coach and all the other girls?"

"Haven't heard from coach all day. Have you even seen her?"

"No, we haven't. Maybe she's not coming." y/n looked around. "Should we just leave?"

"I'm definitely leaving." Addy stood up and stretched one more time. "You wanna go see a movie, y/n?"

"I would love to but I gotta meet Nate at the library to work on our science project." y/n stood up and went to the locker room. Addy followed and opened her locker.

"You're not gonna start ditching us for Nate, are you? Because that's just not right."

"I'm only going to be spending time with him until our project is finished. That's it."

"Good, because we can't have you falling in love with him. It would not be good for you or your reputation."

"I appreciate you looking out for me, Addy, but I don't think you guys are ever going to have to worry about me falling in love with him. It's just never going to happen." y/n gave her friend a small wave and headed off to the library. When she walked in, Nate smiled at her.

"Hey. I wasn't expecting you for another 40 minutes."

"Coach didn't show up so we all decided to leave."

Nate chuckled. "One afternoon with me and you're already ditching? I wish I could say I'm shocked but I'm really just proud of that."

"Relax, Macauley. It wasn't a class. It was just practice. I don't get graded for it."

"I know. But you still ditched. I like that." Nate smirked. "Have you given any thought to the project I suggested?"

"Yeah. I think it can definitely be done if we work nonstop on it. I'm sure it'll be impressive too, given your skills."

"My skills?"

"Yeah. I've seen you fixing cars and bikes and other stuff."

"You've been watching me?" he raised an eyebrow at his partner.

"No. Of course not. Your place is on my way home and sometimes I can see you outside working on some kind of vehicle. Plus, you fixed up my brother's car last year. It was great."

"Oh. Well, thanks. I work hard when it comes to something I love." he looked at the textbook in front of him. "Shall we get started?"

"In a minute. I actually have something for you." y/n reached into her bag and pulled out a tupperware container. "Yesterday, you said the brownies I had were delicious, so I made some more for you last night."

"Seriously? That's so kind of you." Nate took a brownie from the container and took a bite. "Wow. What do you put in these?"

"Like I'd ever reveal my secret ingredient." y/n smirked and pulled out her notebook. "Okay. What materials are we going to need?"

For the next 2 weeks, y/n and Nate spent 3 hours together every day after school working on their project. As Nate put the final touches on it, y/n took a moment to watch his muscles contract against his shirt. The voices of her friends floated around in her head as she watched,

"You can't fall in love with him."

"It's not good for your reputation."

"He's already corrupting you."

"He's not good enough for you."

"All he does is skip school and sell drugs."

"He's a bad influence on you."

Nate finished his work and stood back to admire it. "What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"I asked what you thought of the project."

"Oh. It looks amazing, Nate. You did good."

"You mean we did good." he looked at y/n and smiled. Like her, he had voices bouncing around in his head. Most of them were of his dad and a few were his friends, but they were all telling him that he shouldn't get too close to y/n. She was only going to turn her back on him as soon as they handed in their project, so he needed to distance himself from her. "Hey, I gotta go. But I'll see you at school on Monday."

Before y/n could turn around and say goodbye, Nate was gone. When y/n got home, she called Cooper, knowing he wouldn't judge her for how she was feeling.

"Coop, I don't know what I'm going to do. All of our friends are going to hate me for how I'm starting to feel."

"Y/n, it's going to be okay. Nobody can help who they fall in love with." he took a second before continuing. "Besides, who are they to judge, really? Addy cheated on Jake with TJ and is only hurting herself by not telling him. You're just catching feelings for an actually decent guy. That's way better than what they're going through."

"Thanks, Cooper. You really know how to make me feel better."

"It's what I'm best at." Cooper chuckled on the other end of the line. "I gotta go but feel free to call me if Addy & Jake give you shit for hanging out with Nate."

"Alright. Bye, Coop." y/n hung up and looked at her ceiling. She started remembering how close everyone was back in elementary school, even Nate and Jake. The memories were mostly happy, aside from the few that were too heartbreaking to remember. Y/n wanted nothing more than the good moments back. She wanted to be able to tell her friends how she was feeling, without receiving judgement from them.

Maybe in another world.

When Monday morning came around, y/n looked for Nate but couldn't find him. Assuming that he just slept in, she headed to Science class and handed in their project. Luckily their teacher was going to let them present it in class tomorrow instead of today.

At lunch, Nate was still a no-show & it was beginning to worry y/n. Cooper noticed her discomfort and pulled her aside.

"You alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Your mind has been preoccupied since I saw you this morning & you've been looking around the cafeteria like a crazy lady. Luckily nobody else noticed." he touched her shoulder. "Is this about Nate?"

"God, I hate that you can read me so well." y/n slumped her shoulders. "I really thought he was changing, you know? I thought he'd be here to present our science project with me, but I haven't seen him all day. Do you think he took some drugs?"

"Why would that thought even cross your mind? You know better than anyone that he's been trying to stay sober. If you're so worried about him, why don't you go see him? I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for his absence on such an important day."

"I can't just ditch school. That's not like me at all."

"You care about him, right?"

"Well, yeah but-"

"Then go to him. I can cover for you here."

"Thanks, Coop." she kissed his cheek and ran out of the school. Luckily Nate's house was not far so she didn't have to rush. When she got to his house, Nate was in the garage. "Nate, we need to talk."

"What do you want, y/n?"

"I want to know why you haven't returned my calls or texts all weekend and why you didn't show up at school today."

"The project is over so I figured that you should go back to hanging out with your friends and I'll go back to being alone all the time. It's no big deal for me."

"It is a big deal. It's a huge deal. I know you, Nate. And I know that you enjoyed these last 2 weeks because it gave you someone other than your buyers to talk to. You don't like being alone, just admit it."

"Why can't you let it go? I don't want to hang out with anyone. That's why I do what I do."

"What is your problem? You were fine on Friday...and we used to be friends. What gives?"

"You really want to know why we aren't friends?"

"Yes, I really do. So why don't you tell me?"

"When we got to high school, you got hot & that's just not fair!" he approached y/n with a finger pointed at her face.

"How is that not fair? You got hot too!" y/n looked at him. "But you don't see me pulling away from this friendship, do you? What's not fair is that you're pushing people who care about you away when you know that it's only going to hurt you in the end."

"You think I'm hot?" Nate's scowl suddenly turned into a smirk.

"No. I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did." his smirk kept growing. "You just said it like 10 seconds ago."

"That's not the reason I came over here." y/n looked behind him. "Why don't you want to be friends with me?"

"Because you're hot and popular. You've got a good reputation and being friends with me will only bring you down. I care about you enough to not let that happen."

"I don't give a damn about my reputation anymore, if you can't already tell by me being here in the middle of a school day." y/n took a step closer. "And if you really cared about me, you wouldn't let reputations get in the way of that."

"Look, what if we become friends again and end up falling in love or something? That could ruin the very fragile relationship we barely have. I don't want that."

"I'm willing to risk it, Nate." y/n looked up at him. "Please tell me that you're willing to do the same."

"Fine. For you, and only for you, I'm willing to risk our friendship for love."

"Love, huh? Do you really feel it?"

"Yeah, I really do. How about you?"

"Despite all the warnings from my friends, I absolutely feel it too."

"Good because," he pulled her close and looked into her eyes. "I really want to kiss you."

"How about we start with a date first, huh?"

"Okay. Deal!"

taglist: @worldlxvlys

[go-river-flows]

Forget Me Not (one shot)

Summary: What happens to that girl who tried so hard to be invisible for her whole life? Will she remain invisible on the face of Pandora? Or will she be part of something bigger?

(5379 words)

I'm a nobody. Or at least I think I am. Arriving on Pandora was supposed to be an exciting, thrilling, new chapter of my life. But what would a naive twenty-three year old, fresh out of university student know. Apparently nothing.

All the paperwork was tossed to me. All the reports stacked high on my desk. No acknowledgements from anyone as I sit at my table for hours. Sure I was a hardworking individual who spent half her life studying to be a Pilot. Whilst studying to be an Environmental Conservationist. But now I'm stuck in the barren lands known as Hell’s Gate, fantastic. I say with sarcasm. I want to be outside studying the flora, fauna and Na’vi. That's what I wanted to do. To be part of the science team. I studied hard to be a top student, and even harder to support myself through that. And to be offered a position in the RDA. But apparently, they only wanted me to be a damn administrator. Get someone else dammit! I don't know anyone’s names in the science department, and neither do they know mine. It's just ‘hey, you’ or ‘you girl’ or ‘paperwork girl’. At least I was helicopter trained, and had my own Aerospatiale SA-2 Samson that I can call home. My dad, who was an airline pilot, would be proud.

I stay at my desk for hours on end, the pile not getting any smaller. I need to take a different approach. Standing up, I pick up the pile, my water bottle and extra pens just in case they run out. Running off to a quiet spot where no one goes in the large facility. Slapping the pile on the wide ledge of the window, I plug in my headphones to my Zune (a music player). It had nearly eight-thousand songs on it, so it will last me hours. It is the only way to calm me as I listen to my favourites, tapping my foot as Iisten to them. I start separating the pile labelling them as important, not so important, denied, unfinished reports and WTF? Hahaha, I don't know how that happened. I laugh internally.

Starting with Important, I sit on the cold floor skim reading everything then confirming everything with a signature and stamp of approval, shit! I forgot my stamp! Um, I can do it when I get back to my desk. The Important pile was complete in a matter of twenty minutes to my surprise. 

Moving onto the Unfinished Reports, this takes a little longer. About an hour, but that was no problem. My fingers were a bit sore from clutching the pen but after a while the pain dulled. 

Next was Not So Important. This too was a breeze when there were no distractions. My foot tapping to Your Blood by Nothing But Thieves. Taking a quick water break, I look out the window into the tall green trees in the distance.

Moving on to Unfinished Reports, this one too much longer. Some were almost completed, halfway done, or haven't started. Urgh, I sigh to myself. Getting my head down, I think I finished two hours later. My ass was getting sore so I stood up and started stretching, doing a small work out routine, even started to attempt climbing the corner of the wall to see how high I could get before falling down. All in a day's work.

Finally getting to the WTF pile, I thought it was best to give it to another person who knew what all these papers were. Stacking everything back in different angles and tucking my water bottle under my arm, shoving the pens into my hoodie pocket, I grabbed the pile and made my way back to my desk. Still with my headphones on.

Turning the corner, someone who wasn't looking collided into me sending all my pile onto the floor.

“Shit!” I cursed, kneeling down to grab the documents. Luckily the way they fell was in a line which made it easier to pick up. The soldiers continued walking much to my dismay, not even batting an eye. After picking the stack I promptly returned to the science department, forgetting my water bottle in the process.

Nodding along to the music, I returned to my desk, now various piles stacked from edge to edge with paperwork, I closed my eyes in frustration just standing there brows knitted together. I think there are now permanent lines between my brows. Throwing my head back, I let out an exasperated sigh with all the weight of air in my lungs out sounding like a vuvuzela. People turned to stare, but I didn't care at this point. Turning to the person nearest to me, who happened to be a guy in a wheelchair, I plopped the completed stack in my hands onto his lap (sorry man), leaving without another word. Storming off to my bedroom.

For the next few days, I stayed in my bedroom, which thankfully had it's own bathroom, minifridge and kitchenette. No one knocked on my door thankfully and I had everything I needed within reach. I lay in bed, half covered by my blanket as the pitter pattering of rain beat down onto my window. But what was bothering me was the room next door, 215. The two horny kids (not really kids) had been going at it for hours. I could hear them moan, groan, yell, scream and pant the whole time. At least I know one who the guy is, “Miles”. I pushed my pillow against my ears, which helped a bit but I was getting irritated. I just reached for my Zune and put on Nirvana, increasing the volume to the point it was over my neighbours incessant horny noises, and maybe a little more, drowning them out. Sorry to the neighbour on my other side. But they could probably hear the sex sounds too so I'm just protecting them from that, especially the somewhat loud moan of pleasure when they came, I would applaud if I weren’t so irked by the noise. After five songs, I decreased my volume to check if they were still going, and they had finished. Thank god. Turning my music most of the way down, and turning it off. I could finally doze off into sleepy land exhaustion catching up sooner than I thought.

The next morning I was well rested, but still tired. My arms were numb from sleeping on them and my legs were feeling like static, all pins and needles stabbing from all angles. I did some light stretching and yoga in the small space of my tiny apartment. Brushing my teeth and washing my face, getting dressed in loose fitting trousers and short-long sleeve shirt combo. I opened the door just as 215 opened their’s, turning to look as a much older but attractive man stopped in his tracks, realised he got caught, but I acted faster. Taking a step back into my room and closing the door in my own face. 

That must be Miles. I stood there for a moment, and after hearing 215’s door shut, I assumed he must have walked away, but to my surprise a sudden knock on my door startled me. What the fuck? My face contorted into slight horror as I took four steps back, mortified at what was happening. But in my sudden realisation, I forgot to lock my door. Lunging for the lock, I quickly turned it and tread back to my bed, the furthest point away from the door, the knocking persisted as I sat on the edge of my bed. Oh, I'm dead.

   This ‘Miles’ person knocked on my door for five minutes. Before they decided to give up, but I didn't move from my position for another five, hoping they’d just leave. Calming myself down, taking a deep breath. I treaded lightly to my door, pressing my ear to it. I didn't hear any footsteps or hear a person on the other side. I just wanted to go to work dammit! A short quiet knock scared me, it sounded different to the harsh, firm and powerful knocks form earlier so I assumed it was someone else.

Unlocking the door, I opened it a bit and it indeed was someone else. My neighbour, Paz. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey Paz,” I meekly greeted through the tiny gap. 

“Hey (Y/N), I just wanted to apologise for last night, didn't know you were still up,” she spoke softly.

“Oh no, it's fine,” it's not fine, “I wanted to give you this. As an apology,” I looked down in her hand, a cupcake with blue frosting with a ‘Y’ in white. “Oh, wow. Thank you. But you didn't have to do that,” I mirrored her tone as she took my hand, putting the cupcake onto it. She gave a small toothy smile as if she knew.

“Did you meet Miles?” my eyes darted to hers, twitching slightly. She stifled a laugh at that, “I'll take that as a yes then. Well, I've got to take off. See ya around.” She turned to leave, giving a small wave. I did the same.

I trudged my way to the science department, expecting the huge pile to still be there but surprisingly wasn't. Taking the white coat from the back of it, I put the cupcake down on the table before putting on the coat. Checking the pockets, I found a neon green sticky note. Sorry for stressing you out :(. And another one, Take as much time as you need :(. And another, this time a neon pink and in cursive: We’ve taken our workload off you. Sorry for dumping all of our work on you, we appreciate you. :(

I looked around the room, catching some people's gaze, others looking away hoping that I would stop staring. But no one actually came forward to apologise to my face. I scrunched up the post it notes. Shoving them back in my pocket, I took my cupcake and walked away. Finding myself back at the same window I normally go to. Sitting on the windowsill with my legs crossed, I munched down into the cupcake. Red Velvet, yum. It was really good too. I think maybe it was Paz’s birthday, since there was a ‘Y’ or maybe a promotion. Butwho cares, it's a cupcake.

Wiping the corner of my mouth with my white sleeve, I sighed. But I wanted a change in scenery. I trudged through the halls to where all the samsons are kept, I made a maintenance check, sitting in the cockpit, I double checked all controls, switches, lights and emergency exo packs. Then I moved to the weapons and attachments, making sure they weren't rusted or loose in any way shape or form. Even the two missile pods that aren't really my specialty. Finally getting to the propulsion system. Everything was in order as I checked down the list, a lone figure on the catwalk catching my eye. Turning to look at the stranger, I quickly whipped my head back after realising who it was, getting whiplash in the moment and somehow choking on air at the same time. Rubbing my neck and wincing at the sudden movement, whilst covering my mouth as I struggle to breathe properly. Miles. Moving out of his line of sight as I'm hitting my sternum to stop. I got out my samson, and sped away, unaware that the man was still staring at me. 

   I ran to the inspection office giving the guy there, I think his name is Markus, my inspection report and he gave his stamp of approval storing it in the cabinet behind him. He thanked me before I sped off again. Running back to the science department.

Luckily there were only four folders on my table. I sat down and flicked through them. Ignoring people around me, I put my headphones back on and turned my Zune on, playing the Unity album by Spiral Drive. My foot tapped to the beat of the songs as I made notes on the documents. 

When suddenly someone comes into my peripheral vision scaring the shit out of me. I turn to look and make eye contact with the guy in the wheelchair. The guy I dumped all the completed paperwork on. Oh crap.

“Hi,” he extends his hand out, I genially take his hand to shake, “I'm Jake. Nice to meetcha.”

“(Y/N). Sorry about the thing a few days ago. I was having a bad day,” I pulled my hand back. He chuckled.

“Yeah, it looked like it,” I blushed a bit, “What’re you working on?” he raised his head a little. Looking down at the report in front of her.

“Uh, just double checking other people’s reports. All the boring stuff,” I shot an awkward smile.

It was all boring, all useless. My eyes trail on the paper in front of me, forgetting a little that the paraplegic is still next to me watching my shifting expression and eyes. What am I doing here? I ask myself again. A question I keep asking myself every single day since landing on Pandora. Jake puts a hand on my shoulder blade pulling me from my thoughts, jolting at the sudden physical contact my face flushed a little. I suddenly remembered the night before. Looking at Jake with wide eyes as he retracted his hand. I get a good look at his face, why does he look so familiar? My expression gives it away. That expression of familiarity, when you frown a little as the wheels in your head turn, my eye twitched.

A few years ago back on earth.

I was working at the bar taking orders, the patrons getting a little restless as I’m working as fast as I can. A head pops into view as one of the usuals is tapping his glass on the table for a refill. Sam the manager shoved me aside to take care of the usual customer, as I was grabbing drink after drink for customers. Eventually they disperse when they get their drinks and I get a chance to take a breather. 

“Hey! Can I get a few shots?” A voice from out of view asks, I lean over the counter to see a guy in a wheelchair.

“Sure, I’ll get that for you,” Sam speaks up, tapping my shoulder and gesturing me away. Okay, then.

I walk into the staff room to get my textbook, and come back out as Sam puts the shots on a small tray, gesturing to me to take it for the guy. Putting my textbook on the counter and taking the tray of five shots, moving around the counter.

“Where'd ya want these?” I ask the guy as he points to the ledge of the pool table, I carefully put the tray on the ledge, balancing it on the corner shooting a short but tight lined smile. Returning to grab my textbook I found a quiet corner in the bar and started reading it, flicking through notes, and revising for a repeat test that I previously failed. Rubbing my temples in annoyance as I didn’t understand why it was so difficult to remember. I’m not dumb, but I’m not that smart. I prefer to just get my pilot's licence and pull out of school at this point, but my mother (who is divorced) would not be happy, nor would my step father who pushed me to get a degree in Environmental Conservation in the first place. 

  What a dickhead for being one of those hippie freaks that chain themselves to the last standing tree on Earth. That’s where they were right now, chained to the last standing camphor tree in the Amazon rainforest. Because they’d rather be there than here. I mean, I get it. It’s the last tree, but they can get someone else to chain themselves there, someone who doesn’t have family or children, but I guess the heart wants what the heart wants. So here I am supporting myself through school because they wouldn’t pay for it even though they forced me into getting a damn degree in Environmental Conservation. Yay me! I say with sarcasm. I guess that’s also why I didn’t make any friends in my class or contribute anything. 

Heck, even my dad wants me to drop out after seeing how miserable I was, depressed was how he put it. Yes I was, no, I am depressed. Fuck this shit! And fuck the paper the professor assigned! I wanted to throw this piece of garbage in the garbage. My eyes were pricking with tears, as I tried to hide my reddening eyes. 

The next day I didn’t go to any classes, just stayed the whole day in Sam's bar. And the next, and the next. By the following day my EnviroCon professor stopped me in the hallway as I was leaving another professor’s office. Asking for the paper that was due in the next few days, just to read over any drafts. I sighed and explained that I was having a bad week and if I could just email it to him since I've finished my first draft, mailing it to him there and then. He opened it up in front of me on his holo tablet and skimmed it.

“This is fantastic! This is a draft? Man, you might as well submit it just as it is. Just add a few points here in this section,” he pointed out, he looked at me with slight concern, as I just nodded my head, “Hey, you alright? You look tired, have you been resting?”

“Not really,“ I leant against the wall, “I've been working all week and just trying my best,” letting out a deep exhale, “I don't know if I should just drop out. I'm so tired,” my voice cracked.

“Woah, woah woah. Hey, it's okay,” he put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, “You must be burning out. If you need more time to finish the paper, I can give it to you. If you're struggling, you can always come talk to me,” he calmed me down. For some reason, I felt like I was seen at that moment. Even when I tried so hard to be invisible. For every single day, the same guy in the wheelchair frequenting the bar.

Back to the present day.

That recognition whipped back to me, the guy in the wheelchair. The same one who repeatedly came to Sam’s bar. Getting drunk off his ass and getting thrown out, one too many times. 

“You don't remember me?” I blurt out. He looked at me confused, “Of course you don't.” I stand up now no longer facing him, “Just like everyone else. I guess I have that kind of face,” I look down at him with tears in my eyes, but a sad but somewhat bright smile, I laugh a little trudging off to my window again. Hugging my knees as my feet propped up, I can't stop spilling tears. Remembering my professor's words “If you're struggling, you can always come talk to me,” like a distant memory. He was no longer around. The only person who actually saw me, despite me trying so hard to be invisible. I wish I could just disappear into the Pandoran forest. Pack up all my necessities and disappear. Like I've always wanted. Fading away into obscurity. I think about it for a moment. Oh wait, I can.

For days I prepare, make an emergency bag. I can go whenever I want, but I need to wait for the perfect opportunity. I learnt everything I needed. How to survive, the na’vi language, packing any foods that don't expire (non perishables), all that stuff. Hiding it in the ballistics storage in the rear of my samson.

That opportunity came when the human’s declared war on the Na’vi. The man who I now know as Colonel Miles Quaritch who destroyed Hometree. That was the day I saw what a monster looked like. I was one of the pilots who didn't shoot, my hand hovering over the red button as my co-pilot was yelling at me, but I couldn't do it. I'm not a monster like him. I turned the samson around, it's not my fight. But surprisingly I wasn't the only one. I had morals like the other person who turned around. As she flew back, she radioed me.

“Why are you turning back?” I could hear her through the isolated frequency.

“Because I'm not a monster,” was all I said. My co-pilot and the other trigger happy soldiers in my samson yelling at me to turn back around.

As we returned to Hell’s Gate, landing next to each other on the flightline, I felt a gun held to my temple, the soldier yelling profanities at me, calling me a traitor. A traitor to humanity.

“Shoot me! Go ahead! Shoot me!” I yelled back at him, he was shocked when I looked at him with furious tears streaming down my face, “If you want to commit alien genocide, then start by killing me!”

“PUT DOWN THE GUN! Now!” the same voice from earlier screamed. Trudy Chacon was her name I think. I never really asked before, she’d forget me too. She was pointing a hand held at the soldier taking my hand and pulling me away, back into Hell’s Gate. 

“Are you on our side?” Chacon suddenly asked.

“What?” I questioned, tired, confused and exhausted with all the questions.

“Are you on our side? Because you turned around, and you didn't shoot any of your missiles,” she simply said, I’ll just nod so she goes away, “Okay then. You know how to throw a punch?” I sighed, nodding again. “Great! Then come with me.”

She dragged me with her as a scientist ran up to us. Patel, Dr Max Patel.

“They’ve put Grace, Norm and Jake in a cell,” he said frantically, shooting a glance at me. 

“Great, looks like a rescue mission. Let's go,” we moved into that direction then slowed as Trudy picked up an empty food cart, “I've got an idea, just follow my lead. She gestured to us to stay behind the wall before she called for us. She walked through the door first, then ordered the guard to get down on the ground, hearing a thud after a loud smack she called for Max as I stayed behind the wall, just next to the door. When suddenly the elevator door opened, as someone was stepping out, I moved to kicked them in the gut, punching his throat and punching him in the face knocking him out, I removed his gun and knife that he had on him, turning to Trudy, Max, Grace, Norm and Jake who were watching in wide-eyed awe. I averted my eyes as Trudy gave me a thumbs up and we hustled. Getting to the door to the flightline. Trudy turned to me.

“Could you stay here? I need someone on the inside, can you do that?” I gave a simple nod, Trudy squeezed my shoulder, “Thank you.”

As they got away, Max turned to me.

“So you're on our side?” he asked.

“I guess so,” I made my way back to my room, passing by the medical ward. Glancing in I saw Paz, her belly swollen as she was 9 months pregnant, about to pop at any moment. Getting to my room, I grabbed my Zune and headphones. I trudged down the hallway, making my way to the science department. Passing by the medical ward again, this time fully stopping when I heard the cries of a baby. I turned a few steps back looking through the small window. There was a baby, a little boy. But the sound of machines droned into a flatline. Paz. I don't know why, but I pushed open the door. Walking toward the scene. The baby was wailing. The doctor who held him turned to look at me. He was frantic, not in his right mind when he put the baby in my arms, I held the baby as he cried making sure to hold his neck properly. The Zune still in my hand, I scrolled through my library finding a calming tune. Hitting play, the only calming song played out: Sweet Child by Simply Red. 

Surprisingly the baby began to calm down. The doors behind me slamming open. Quaritch sped past me to Paz’s side, he was yelling for her. And as the song came to an end he turned to me. Baby in my arms. His wet reddened eyes fell on the baby as a small gasp escaped his lips. 

“Congratulations. It's a boy,” I whispered, somehow sounding cold. But he didn't care, taking the baby from my arms I dropped my arms as my legs dropped out from under me. He doesn't get to be this. Whatever this is. Not after what he did. Not after he destroyed a home. But what can I do right? I have no right to tell him what to do. But my furious eyes and tears gave it away. But he only looked at his baby. My RDA shirt was stained in blood and bodily fluid. I slowly got up and walked out, wanting nothing but to wash it all away. 

It was a blur but I made it back to my tiny apartment, stripping everything off, I stepped into the shower scrubbing everything off me. Turning the water temperature higher to melt away everything I was feeling. 

   For some reason I kept on visiting the medical ward again, looking at the baby in the incubator. The nurse was staring at me, trying to figure me out. Someone came to a stand next to me. His intimidating aura gives him away. The baby’s father. I didn't want to look at him, not after what he did.

“You're (Y/N) right? Paz told me. I think I ‘ave something of yours,” he held out my water bottle, my name hand written on it in front of my face. My eyes honed in on it but didn't reach for it, only closing my eyes and sighing heavily, genially taking it from his hand. He doesn’t deserve to have this. Even coming from me who spent her whole life trying to appease her mother, all for the sake of approval and love. Only to get it from my father who I found I loved even more. 

“Fuck,” I mumbled, this is fucked up. Miles’ ears perked up at my curse. I rubbed my face, trying to not cry. I’m done with crying for others. But Miles misunderstood my curse, what it actually meant. He wrapped his warm arm around my shoulder, why did it have to be warm pulling me into his side. This is fucked up. I repeated in my head. Paz didn’t deserve this, nor did Miles, but by Eywa I would do anything for this kid, even though I’m not his mother or parent.

“You must have been close to Paz. She talked about you sometimes, she said sometimes she can hear you cry through the walls, and said they sounded heartbreaking. But she also said that you were kind to others and spoke softly, that you kept everything on the inside and put on a brave face,” his voice was almost kind, and I choked out a sob. Not realising that I stopped breathing for a moment. Stop, just stop. You don’t get to be kind. You don’t get to comfort me. You don’t deserve a child. I was weeping, my knees giving out again, I crouched as I covered my mouth wanting to vomit. He knelt next to me and brought me into his embrace, his rough hand rubbing my back as he tried calming me. Stop, please I’m begging you. Please stop! You don’t deserve to be warm! My tears were furious and shameful.

“Ssshhhh, hey it’s okay,” Miles’ raspy southern accent drooling out, in the massive difference to my stepfather’s tone. So similar to my fathers comforting voice. A tighter pull as I didn’t pull away. I’m a mess. I don’t deserve this. He’s a monster, he doesn’t deserve this. Eyes, why does it have to be this way? 

I silently made a vow to myself that this kid won’t suffer the same fate. Some day the kid will learn the truth and I’ll be the one to tell him.

“What will you name him?” I quietly asked Miles. He looked at me with a bit of curiosity and paused to think..

“How about…Miles?”

I laughed a little, of course he would name the baby after him.

“Miles junior,” I chuckled, how fitting. “It suits him.” I laughed a bit more, not caring if he thought I was a mad woman. “Something bad is coming, Quaritch. I have a feeling that the baby won’t have a father soon.”

He looked at me with concern, the softness remained, “Why'd ya say that?”

“Because you’ve started a war. Nothing good ever comes from war. You have to take responsibility for it. You’ll die before you get to raise your child, I hope you see that before you make a mistake you’ll regret. And I’ll be here to raise your kid because I’m not fighting in your war,” my monotone voice sounded so cold, colder than I've ever sounded before. He didn't say anything, the silence was killing me more. I turned to look at him dead in the eyes. This was the most serious I've ever been. His adam's-apple bobbed as if he was holding in the air. He finally let go, standing and quickly walking off, I watched him go. 

  When Quaritch gathered the soldiers, effectively immediately ending the RDAs research and avatar programme, shutting the whole operation down. I sat in the chair as everyone started packing things into boxes. I had hidden an expensive bottle of rum that was given as a birthday gift from my father before being shipped out to Pandora. As the crowd quieted down I took it out, I poured some into mugs around the department, as scientists and avatar drivers silently sipped on the aged and smoky rum. As reality hit us that we would either be shipped off back to earth or remain on Pandora. Even Trudy was there as I passed the bottle to her. 

“If anything happens to me, take care of my baby,” Trudy said to me, referring to her samson. Those would be her last words to me. 

“Don't forget me if anything happens,” I returned to her. She simply nodded. Unfortunately Grace would die that night and we would mourn her. 

And when the war started it was chaotic. The avatars decided to revolt against the Selfridge, nothing was holding them back any more, we were no longer a part of the RDA. In fact, I helped through unsympathetic anger and being used as a pawn in their schemes. Max sat next to me in my samson as I fired bullets to the communication tower windows as the avatar drivers wielding guns ordered everyone to drop any weapons and get down on the ground, effectively stopping any communication to their war party. 

The promise I made came to fruition. The war ended in an hour and a half at most. The Na’vi won by a landslide, and I learn that Trudy died and her samson was destroyed into smithereens. Miles Quaritch died at the hands of a Na’vi. And I would be holding his baby in my arms. Miles Jr Socorro. The little boy cooed his hand reaching out, the noises he made melted my cold heart a little. To protect the innocence that I wished I had growing up. I would make a new promise. To take care of the baby, so that he is seen and never forgotten.

Jake asked me to stay on Pandora, and I accepted. Remaining at Hell’s Gate with Max, Norm and the other avatar drivers that remained. And I would raise the baby as if he was my own son. In the end I realised I was never forgotten, just left behind for something greater.

A/N: I know this is supposed to be a one-shot, but if you want a part 2, I'll be more than happy to make one. Also, Im changing the taglist from word doc to excel with multiple sections for different stories, so it'll make it easier to keep track. And also because Tumblr is a being a bit of an a**hole on my side.

Taglist: @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

[checkoutmybookshelf]

You Have my Attention: Blackthorn & Grim First Lines

I found Juliet Marillier in middle school, but it wasn't until I finished my PhD and was looking for something to help me recover from burnout that I found out that she had adult novels as well. Dreamer's Pool was one of the first fun books I picked up, and I fell in love. It still blows my mind that the Tamora Pierce and Mercedes Lackey fans so often haven't found Marillier, but that's why I'm here to give you a sneak peek at how Marillier catches--and holds--readers with her opening sentences.

I fished the rusty nail from under my pallet and scratched another mark on the wall. Tomorrow would be midsummer, not that a person could tell rain from shine in this cesspit. I'd been here a year. A whole year of filth and abuse and being shoved back down the moment I lifted myself so much as an inch. Tomorrow, at last, I'd get my chance to speak out. Tomorrow, I would tell my story.

-- Dreamer's Pool

Rain had swollen the river to a churning mass of gray. The tower wore a soft shroud of mist; though it was past dawn, no cries broke the silence. Perhaps he slept, curled tight on himself, dreaming of a time when he was whole and hale and handsome. Perhaps he knew even in his sleep that she still kept watch, her shawl clutched around her against the cold, her gaze fixed on his shuttered window.

-- Tower of Thorns

He's curled into a ball, shivering, under a piercing white moon. He'd forgotten how bright the moon was, how its light could go right through a man, cold in his bones, searching out what was hidden deep. Go away, he breathes, arms up over his head, knees to his chest, trying to be invisible. Leave me alone. But the light seeks him out, finding a way through the high canopy of the beeches, through the rough blanket of bracken and fern he's scrambled together, through the rags of his clothing, right inside him.

-- Den of Wolves

[imzsuzsis-blog]

"Lando, Lando, don't sleep, you still have a program." He didn't even hear it, I think he was lying on top of me, he was very cute, his palms were clenched into fists, one leg was stretched out on top of me, the other was slid in up to my navel, and his head was resting next to me and his saliva was even dripping onto the pillow. He did all this while wearing his brand new black hoodie, jeans and shoes. I caressed him back under the pullover, but I only reached him T-shirt. "Good, good mother, where's Pancakes?" "I'm the wake-up call, they said they've organized something, you have to go Oscar, or you're already squatting in front of the door, waiting downstairs in the evening." "I'm not in the mood for it, here, I'm here to take care of my son-in-law, Joki." He looked at me very slyly and while he was biting his lip, I started caressing his face and gave him a faint kiss. "Should I come?" "I wish, my son-in-law."

I didn't feel like getting up or getting dressed, I wanted to take this new hooded pullover there, but there was a dress code again and I had to wear the Mclaren clothes. "Fuck it, I'd rather not go, I'll stay here, I won't put on my work clothes, the bastards can catch me again today!!!" Furious, I went back to bed next to Loki and took out my book that I bought for myself for Easter. It contained everything you need to know about expecting a baby and I started reading it, I was still at the beginning, only then did I realize that Charles was telling the truth. "Who the fuck was totally right yesterday, fuck it." "But this is for teenagers, right? Loss of appetite and bloating may also occur in the early stages of pregnancy, as well as constant or unexpected sickness and belching from certain foods and drinks, nausea, nausea and feigned vomiting in the first month. How the hell did he know that?” Adata took the book back, taking off his glasses. "Google, I don't know. Charles is a person who knows whore." And that's annoying about him."

"Landoooo pick up my dick!!!!!" I stood below freezing and pointed my two middle fingers up where his room is and screamed like an idiot jackal downstairs. "I know you're pregnant with twins and you're whining Norris, but fuck you, come on down, we're going to a party!!!!!! Believe me, I'm not an ass drunk!!!!!!!" "Shut up, Charile is a puddle drunk or you bastard because your girlfriend is not here." "You stupid ass Aussie just went down with Sake." I grimaced and gave it to him, and he gave it back, "It was like no one would get drunk at the party and not even a stupid bastard in front of him, especially since it's so secret that Max and Lewis don't know about it either. Are you afraid to scream at Suzuka?” I didn't care, as they say the local Oreo will surely wash Dzsikazke's food, but this mixture only made me throw up in the trash can in front of the hotel. "Craft beer?"

"He kept talking about some party." "Yes, I understand, that party was last year, it's a bit lost again." When Charles finally stopped throwing up, we showed his uber to take him back calmly, there won't be any secret parties anywhere. "Are you alright Lando?" I looked at him and I was mad inside because we had a group dinner together and he wanted to come, the only requirement was that you should wear something papaya-colored, "Lando, where have you been????" "Zak, I fell asleep here, I'm sorry, even my boyfriend can't wake me up, I fell asleep on him, I haven't slept properly for weeks..." "Lando, how long have you had a boyfriend?" Didn't you ever say you like boys?" "Yes, I was thirteen when I came out at home as a transgender boy, then I was sixteen when I came out as gay. Now yes, I had a son before Ollie, we had sex... I can't complain, I'm pregnant with twins from Ollie. I don't really like the beginning, when I get up in the morning, I'm glad I stagger to the bathroom and get away for at least an hour without vomiting or feeling dizzy. It's no different during the day, I have to find a trash can and I end up throwing up, but sometimes my back hurts at my waist, I'm bloated, some of my jeans don't even fit, I can't get food, and this stupid headache madness." I sat down on one of the benches and could sob again, it hit me, I don't know how, but when I sat down I heard a crack and my pants were torn and I buried my face in the shoulders of both of them, I couldn't take it anymore, but I promised to do it. "No problem... Come on, you 1'82 meter giant, we'll solve it." "No, we don't know, it's my problem, we didn't defend ourselves, we were dicks, it's a pregnancy that slipped through the cracks, which we want to do all the way with all the sacrifices and difficulties, and I can raise them even if it's difficult for me and my partner to do it." Fighting my tears, I saw that the first person didn't even know who to give a pullover and he was also wiping my tears. "Lando, tie it around your waist so your boxers don't show." "Thanks Logan, but not a word." "All Alex says to me is that you're pregnant, and I just came to congratulate you and apologize for being such a jerk two weeks ago." "Charles?" "We sent it back." "Lando are you okay?" "Yes, all the frustration came out of me, but I'm tired, sorry, and let's hope for the best that I can get out of my head without feeling dizzy." I woke up again, and the hole in my pants got bigger, so I tied the pullover I got from Logan around my waist and headed back towards him, blushing. "Are you pregnant?" "Carlos, yes, but I don't want it to get out now because it would be a scandal."

[animalsandmagic]

Celebrating Easter My Way

Easter long ago stopped being about the usual things and took on a new meaning to me. What I used to look forward to most on Easter was the big chocolate bunny I always used to get. Once I couldn't have that anymore, I didn't feel much like celebrating until I began to think differently. I couldn't have chocolate bunnies anymore, but I still had my real one. Ever since then I had been celebrating having a real bunny every year, but for the last two years I haven't had a rabbit to celebrate with so instead it has become a day of remembrance to me until the day I once again have a rabbit in my life.

So, today I remember and celebrate the fact that all these special bunnies were a part of my life.

My First Rabbit Friendly

Friendly, was a Dutch rabbit that was given to me the summer after 2nd grade as a reward for making my first communion as having both selective mutism and social phobia made it really hard for me to do this. The day I got her I immediately named her Friendly as I had decided that she was going to be my best friend and she proved to be this.

Though our first day was not our best as we didn't yet have rabbit supplies and I had to hold her until my parents came back from the pet store which was more than my new pet's bladder could handle so while even back then I understood she didn't have a choice just as I didn't have a choice but to continue holding her, it was not our best moment together even if it was a memorable one.

My first rabbit lived up to her name every day. She was always there to help me get through the anxiety filled school mornings and never failed to make me feel better after coming home from every stressful day of school, which for me was every day I went to school.

My most memorable moment with Friendly was back in 7th grade when I had to be picked up from school by my sister as I had ended up in the nurse's office after my anxiety got out of control the day I was supposed to join the bowling team at school. I had a friend that said she would join with me, but then ditched me so I ended up waiting for her not knowing she changed her mind and panicked when it was time for the bus to come. I never even made it into the classroom and unfortunately my mom had gone to the bowling alley expecting to see my first day of bowling so I had to talk to my sister on the phone for the first time ever. Luckily, I had a great rabbit to come home to. Friendly was forever patient and always willing to stay with me as long as it took for me to feel better. She loved being petted so this day, she got more of it than ever before.

The most unusual things about Friendly were that she wouldn't eat fresh vegetables and I taught her to play dead.

The summer after that moment in 7th grade was our last one together. I made some mistakes not realizing just how easily rabbits can get sick. I have never let myself forget it was my fault she died and always use that memory to make sure I do better with each rabbit.

When the next year started I had begun life with my next rabbit.

My Second Rabbit Oreo

Oreo was a Dutch mix according to the shelter, though to me she appeared to be a purebred. She was my first rescue pet and I admit to falling in love with her the moment she snorted at my sister. Oreo was named at the shelter. Back when I adopted her she had on ear that made it look as if she was part lop eared rabbit as it was bent down, but we found out later she simply had an ear infection. She hated the ear drops, but I think she knew they were helping her as it wasn't long before she had two standing ears.

Oreo was like Friendly and had some unique traits. Oreo proved to be even better with my anxiety then my first rabbit had been as she had this calming presence about her. I fell asleep more than once with her around. We actually started a routine that involved napping together in the afternoon which included my old Toy Poodle and my Chihuahua once Taco became part of my life.

Oreo also enjoyed car rides. She loved going anywhere she could with me. I ended up taking her some places no rabbit had gone before such as, to my Grandmother's house, a car ride to drop a friend's mom off at work, to the barn to be photographed by my equestrian team for our yearly calendar, and she went with me when we had my senior portrait taken. She was one adventurous rabbit. This rabbit would jump into the car herself and was almost dog-like in her enthusiasm and curiosity about where we were going.

When we were outside together the one day, there was an incident that led her to hate squirrels. She was sitting under the big tree in our backyard, just relaxing when two squirrels ran down the tree and ran right over her. Ever since that day if she saw a squirrel she would chase it as far away as she could. Squirrels thought twice about coming down that tree whenever they saw her after that point.

Oreo, like Friendly was a bit short lived. I had let my sister's kids play with her, not knowing they were sick at the time. If I had known I never would have let them anywhere near my rabbit. Unfortunately, to make things worse we had recently had to put Oreo on an all hay diet for her to lose weight and I didn't catch on until it was too late that she was losing too much weight too fast. I always wonder if I could have saved her if I had caught on faster.

Avery & Oreo 2

Avery & the second Oreo were both bunnies I met at PetSmart's adoption days event. Avery was a Dutch mix and Oreo was a Dutch. I had really wanted a pair of bunnies and thought these could be my first pair. Unfortunately, though I followed all the directions for bonding male bunnies these two just couldn't get along and I couldn't choose between them for anything as they were both great rabbits so I ended up not keeping them.

Chibi & Kojikaki

Chibi and Kojikaki were adopted from a shelter in Pittsburgh. I did a lot of research after deciding I wanted to try out a different breed and chose Mini Rex rabbits. Originally, the shelter wasn't going to let me adopt as I live in a different state, but they were overrun with rabbits at the time and I wanted two of them so they decided to allow it.

Chibi, whose name means small, was named first. I wanted to name him after two of my favorite heroes; the dragon from the Dragon Drive manga and anime, and the wolf from the Okami Den video game. As Chibi's name was Japanese it only felt right to name Kojikaki this way as well. Kojikaki waited several weeks for her name as I wasn't sure what to call her. I eventually decided to name her in honor of my favorite book series, Warriors, so I named her as if I was the clan leader and she had earned her warrior name. I had decided to call her fawn which was kojika in Japanese, but nothing else sounded right until I tried heart which was ki. As ki also means spirit I thought it felt perfect as Kojikaki seemed to be a fairly gentle rabbit I decided her new name would be Kojikaki meaning Fawnheart. I later decided it meant Fawnspirit for reasons you will soon know.

Chibi and Kojikaki were a great pair. Chibi was always taking care of his sister as if he was her big brother rather than the same age. Kojikaki was a timid rabbit in the beginning, always relying on her brother for comfort. She often went so far as to demand it from him. She could be a little rough when she was asking him to groom her and she was known to take the hay from his mouth, deciding she had to have that piece when there was plenty of other pieces to choose from, but Chibi never complained. The only time I ever saw him be anything other than gentle with his sister was whenever he was around and she was being a bully to my Chihuahua who never actually did anything to her. He avoided rabbits as he was scared of them. I had hoped having two babies would help him with this, but this usually nervous rabbit enjoyed having something scared of her for a change and this proved to be a problem.

Kojikaki, after learning Taco was scared of her, took full advantage. If he was anywhere other than the couch, she chased him right back to it. She quickly proved to be the most challenging rabbit I ever had as she learned to scratch and bite when she didn't want to do something. Unfortunately, with Kojikaki she hated being touched and especially having her play time ended. I usually had to chase her all over the house and deal with her snorting all the way back to her cage every night. I would have loved to let them run loose all day and night but it wasn't possible. Kojikaki was a chewer and her brother was a constant pooper, I just couldn't leave them unsupervised for any length of time. Chibi did eventually sort of become litter box trained.

Chibi was an unusual rabbit when it came to bathroom habits. He knew to use the litter box, it just happens he would sit the wrong way in it and nothing actually made it into the box. I had to get a special litter box made for ferrets to solve this problem. Chibi was great after that though Kojikaki later gave me new challenges as after her brother died she decided she wanted the box in the middle of the cage and refused to use it in the corner. I don't know how she always unattached the box from the cage but every day I would find it in the middle of the cage. I eventually got a flatter box for her so she had maximum accessibility to everything once I gave in and allowed her to keep the box in the center of the cage.

Kojikaki also became more of a random groomer after Chibi died. We never really found out why, but he had a weak heart and when he got sick from an illness due to this he never fully recovered and unfortunately his wasn't something I could have done anything to prevent. I don't remember what the vet said he had exactly, but I do remember the feeling of being alone with Kojikaki for the first time. Anyway, after losing her brother Kojikaki wanted to groom anything she could get though she never became an over groomer of her own fur. The first sign was when she began grooming the Easter decorations. I had to take the wind up chick away from her because it was really dirty and I didn't want her to get sick. I never did find out if there was something that I could give her which would be safe not just for letting her groom, but if she chewed on it as well. Luckily, Merveille happened.

Merveille is my Toy Poodle. At first, Kojikaki thought she would scare away this new puppy just as she had Taco. Puppy Merveille just thought she was playing and Kojikaki didn't know what to do with him at first. After a while she began to develop a bit of a reluctant acceptance to this impossible puppy which turned into respect and eventually she started looking forward to when I let him visit her. She actually gave him her own version of a kiss after he came in to give her one and one day even asked him to groom her just as she used to ask her brother though Merveille didn't do this as he had no idea what she wanted him to do.

Unlike every other rabbit I ever had, Kojikaki was long lived. She was over 10 years old when she started showing signs of old age. She did mellow a bit when she got old, but she never fully lost her spirit. She developed an illness due to old age which went undiagnosed as she passed at the vets. Due to her age and the trouble she had breathing the vet wanted me to have her put down which I never had to do with a pet other than Taco before. Kojikaki was so much of a survivor and so independent that I didn't feel right choosing for her so I asked her what she wanted to do and that's when it happened. I don't know if it was just the timing or if she heard me, but whether good or bad she didn't make me have to choose the worst option. You would think with Kojikaki I would have been ready to let her go. She wasn't the best rabbit I ever had, she definitely wasn't the friendliest, but she was still mine and we had been together a long time so it was still hard for me to let her go.

Currently, I don't have a rabbit, but I am always keeping watch on the local shelters waiting for the day one feels right to me. Until then here are two honorable mention bunnies that I met.

The Brave One

This bunny was part of a wild litter I kept watch over after my Grandma accidentally dumped chemicals on them not knowing a wild rabbit decided to give birth in her carrot patch. I kept watch over them until their eyes were open and the first rabbit began exploring. After that I knew they were fine and never saw them again.

Rabbit for Adoption

This rabbit I met while I still had Kojikaki. He was available for adoption and I really wanted to, but I knew Kojikaki would never accept a new bunny at her age and remembered how hard it was to have two rabbits that didn't get along. I wish I could have adopted him, but I hope he found a great home.

That's all the rabbits I have known in my life and I can't wait to share my life with another in the future.

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

Hush, Baby Girl

"Okay, first things first, you can't smoke around the baby." Steve was holding Thea as Eddie sat on his bedroom floor. The metalhead was currently trying to assemble the crib they bought, but he struggled to find the specific piece used to connect the railing to the bed.

"I know," Steve rolled his eyes, "believe it or not, I actually passed health class last year."

"Just making sure." Steve looked around the messy room. Clothes and DnD books were scattered everywhere, making it almost impossible to see the carpeted floor. It was crowded but also very Eddie. Steve was almost jealous. If his room looked any less than picture perfect when his parents got home, they'd probably have an aneurysm. Eddie pulled away from the crib with a triumphant look. Giving it a few hard thwacks and grinning.

"Not half bad for someone who failed shop, if I do say so myself."

"You failed shop?"

"Not gonna lie, I almost exclusively took the class for access to the fancy wood glue they use." Eddie admitted as he tore the plastic off ths crib mattress. Setting it in the cot, Eddie took Thea from Steve's arms. Gently cradling her in his arms, Steve was struck by how weird it was to see Eddie Munson of all people with a baby. Scary drug dealer, supposed murderer...cute dad. Wait. Cute wasn't a good word. Steve shook his head. Dudes didn't call other dudes cute. Well, some dudes did. But Steve was not one of those dudes. At least, he was pretty sure he wasn't....yeah pretty sure.

"What's with the look, Harrington?" Eddie asked with a raised eyebrow. Steve realized he must have looked weird just staring straight ahead at the other teen and he shook his head.

"Ugh, nothing. Just thinking."

"Huh. I thought I smelled something burning." Eddie joked as he laid Thea down on the mattress. He stared at her, expecting something. But she did nothing save stare up at them with her big brown eyes. The metalhead let out a sigh of relief as he fell back on the bed next to Steve. Letting out an exhausted groan as he stretched his body out. "God, who knew babies were so much work."

"Everybody." Steve deadpanned. Eddie playfully slapped him on the shoulder before his eyes turned back to Thea.

"....I don't want to fuck her up."

"Huh?" Steve asked as Eddie sat up.

"I don't want to fuck her up like my parents fucked me up." The older boy clarified. "Look at me. I haven't graduated, I sell drugs, I still live with my uncle...I shouldn't be raising kids. What if she ends up like me? A druggie deadbeat..." Eddie trailed off as his voice hitched. Steve frowned, turning to face Eddie.

"Hey, don't say that." Steve argued. "Listen, just because your parents sucked, it doesn't mean you'll be a bad parent. I like to think I turned out okay for someone with shitty parents. I mean, I'm not going to medical school or whatever, but I'm doing alright." Eddie's nose scrunched up as he opened his mouth to respond when there was a loud knock on the front door of the Munson trailer. This startled Thea, causing her to start wailing.

"Whoa, hey, hey, don't cry." Eddie went over to the crib and carefully picked her up. Patting her on the back reassuringly as he inclined his head to look into the hallway.

"Expecting someone?" Steve asked as he followed the now visibly annoyed metalhead into the living room. The two navigated around the bags of unopened baby items until they were at the front door. Eddie yanked it open, ready to chew out whoever upset Thea when he paused, recognizing the gaggle of freshman on his doorstep.

"I..." Eddie trailed off, unsure what to say. The kids' eyes already honed in on the baby in his arms.

"What are you guys doing here?" Steve asked as the kids' eyes remained locked on the crying child.

"You didn't call me back this morning." Dustin explained. "We were making sure everything was okay."

"Oh-shit, sorry I forgot. We got...busy." Steve turned back to Thea as he said this.

"Yeah, I can see that-why the hell do you have a baby?" Will asked, mouth agape.

"Her name is Thea, and for Christ's sake, could you keep your voice down?' Eddis snapped as he hushed the baby in his arms. "I'll explain after we get her down for a nap."

[i-love-oliverwood]

TV | | OLIVER WOOD

NOT MY GIF!

Inspired by the song TV by Billie Eilish

warnings- cussing, alcohol use, mentions of sex

summary- oliver and reader are best friends until he has to leave for america.

-Y/n’s pov-

I just wanna watch TV

"I don't wanna talk right now!" I yelled at Oliver, my best friend whom I'm in love with.

"You never want too." He snapped back, "You always just wanna watch TV."

"I'm avoiding you." I shrugged.

"Yeah, I get that! But why?"

"So, I don't have to watch you leave." I gulped.

His gaze softened and he sat down on the sofa next to me. "Is that what this is about? I'm so sorry, Y/n. I have to leave to America, if I want to go pro."

"But you're moving there, Ollie!" I cried, "What about the plans we made?"

He frowned, "You have other friends. And I promise I'll call you everyday. I'll miss you so so much, please don't think I won't. You're my best friend but this is my dream. Haven't you ever had a dream that you just knew you had to do whatever it takes to achieve it?"

"Yeah..." I looked away from him, keeping my eyes glued onto the TV in front of us. "But there's nothing I can do about it now."

"I'm sure that's not true, love. What's your dream?" He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I can't tell you." I shook my head.

"Yes, you can." He nodded, placing his hand under my chin and turning my face so I was looking at him.

I took a deep breath, looking deep into his big brown eyes, "It's... you, Ollie. You're my dream."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"I've been in denial for at least a little while." I sighed, "But I'm in love you. I always have been. I know it's you dream to go pro and that's why I have to let you go. I can't be selfish and make you stay when you don't feel that same way about me."

His eyes widened, "Why would you tell me this now!"

"I had to before you leave. I couldn't live with myself if you never knew how I felt."

"I leave tomorrow, Y/n!" He yelled, "And now this is all I'm gonna be thinking about."

"I'm sorry." I sighed, looking back at the TV.

"I should go." He stood up.

"Ollie." I jumped up and grabbed his wrist before he could walk away, "Just forget I said anything, okay? You mean too much to me and even if you don't feel the same, that's okay."

"I can't just forget about this." He shook his head, "I'm sorry but I need to go. I wish things were different.” He reached for the doorknob.

"Ollie, wait." I begged, tears falling down my cheeks, "Can't you just spend one last day with me? I'm sorry for avoiding you before but you're gonna be gone. And I'm gonna fucking miss you."

He shook his head again. Tears blurred his vision, "It will be too hard to say goodbye so I have to do it now."

"No, please!"

"Goodbye, Y/n." He yanked his wrist away from my grasp, "I love you too." He smiled through the tears and left my small and dark apartment. I stood there, my mouth agape and sobbing.

I'll never see him again.

Is he still gonna call everyday? Or did I ruin everything?

I fell to the ground, the uncontrollable sobs escaping from my mouth. He said I have other friends but I don't.

Because all my friends are missing again. That's what happens when you fall in love. You don't have the time, you leave them all behind. And you tell yourself it's fine, you're just in love.

-Oliver's Pov-

I haven't spoke or seen to Y/n since that day I left her apartment and it's been years. The amount of times, I almost picked up the phone, just to hear her voice but I stopped myself every time. It would be too hard. I wish I would have kissed her that day, just to know what it was like. I loved her so much, it hurt. And I still do. I don't think I could ever move on from her. The impact that girl left on my life is insane.

I went pro in Quidditch. I wonder if she's seen  me on TV, since she's always glued to that thing. I wonder if she's moved on. What if she forgot about me?

I've tried to get over her: countless hookups with girls that didn't matter to me, drinking constantly, and practicing Quidditch everyday. None of it works. She's still on my mind.

One night in my drunken mindset, I put in her phone number. Hopefully she didn't change her number. The rings filled my ears until I finally heard her voice. The voice that brings me so much joy.

"Hello?"

"Y/n..."

"Oliver?" She questioned.

Tears filled my eyes, "uh, I don't know where you are right now. Did you see me on TV?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a little teeny bit." I chuckled.

"I haven't heard from you in years! You asshole and you call me drunk? Did you ever care about me at all?" She yelled.

"Who you screaming at, princess?" I heard a man's voice coming from her end of the line.

"No one, honey. Go back to bed." She told that man.

"You're gonna wake the kids up. Please don't yell." He said.

"Kids? Princess? Honey?" I said, tears falling down at this point.

"I'm married, Oliver." She said making my heart break into a million pieces. Maybe I'm the problem.

"Married?" I yelled, "You have kids?"

"What did you expect? For me to wait by the phone for years? Hoping that one day, you'll call? You never did. After months of waiting I gave up. I ran into Theodore, and we fell in love."

"Theodore Nott?" I scoffed, "You married that prick?"

"He's not a prick! He's my husband so watch your tone." She raised her voice again.

What's the point of anything?

"Y/n, I never stopped loving you. I love you, I should of kissed you that day and I didn't. Im such an idiot."

"Why would you tell me this now?" She sighed, "You had years to tell me, Oliver. I'm sorry but I've moved on. You should too."

"I can't." I sniffled. Cringing at her calling me Oliver again. There was no sweetness in her voice like there used to be. No Ollie, just my full name.

"Maybe you should get some sleep." She said and hung up.

I've ruined everything. Oh god, what have I done?