#i have cried actual tears now thinking about this scene and watching it back

[majestic-kestrel]

Long live all of us crazy soldiers Who were born under calico skies May we never be called to handle All the weapons of war we despise

I'll hold you for as long as you like I'll hold you for the rest of my life I'll hold you for as long as you like I'll love you for the rest of my, For the rest of my life

--Calico Skies, Paul McCartney

[eternally-racing]

keep her safe | lando norris

pairing: dad! lando x wife! reader (+ their teenage daughter!)

genre: fluff & angst-ish

warnings: racing crash, reader/lando's kid is in the hospital, some swearing

wc: 1.4k

summary: Nothing prepares you for the feeling of watching your daughter's first crash in formula 3.

note: this fic can be read as part of the racer girl series or as a stand alone as well!

----

Lando always hated pulling the “I’m a celebrity” card when you two were out in public. He's never wanted the special treatment that companies wanted to give him before, but the minute he sees his daughter crash in her first Formula 3 race, he’s trying to pull out every trump card he has to get his way into the medical tent. 

“That’s my fucking daughter in there, you can’t keep her from me! This is absolutely insane! I’m Lando fucking Norris, don’t you know who I am?”  Lando is yelling and yelling and you hold him back by the wrist because otherwise you think he might actually charge at the door to try and get through it. 

He more than anyone here knows what a bad crash looks like, and from the minute he saw your daughter, Piper, go into the barriers he knew that it was a rough one. There’s cameras swarming around you both but he doesn’t care (It’s not like he was a PR team’s dream when he was a driver himself). That’s his little girl in there and she’s hurt. There’s now a full commotion in front of the medical area and Lando admits defeat as he sinks back into the wall behind him and crumbles to the floor with you following suit. 

“She’s afraid of needles, Y/N.” Lando says no louder than a whisper towards the shut doors “Who’s gonna tell them that she’s afraid of needles if I’m not there?”

You know that if she’s in a state where they’re not letting you see her and she’s being transferred to the hospital that she likely has already gotten a lot of needles and wasn’t conscious enough to feel them, but you keep that information to yourself once you see the worried look on Lando’s face. This exact moment is something you two had worried about ever since your little girl first stepped in a kart, and somehow it was worse than you had ever imagined it would be.

By the time you and Lando make it to the hospital it feels like hours have gone by, even though in reality it hadn’t been more than a handful of minutes. Lando’s never been more grateful for his success when a nurse recognizes him and immediately guides you both in the direction of Piper’s room. He’s not sure he would’ve been able to make it through a conversation right now anyways. 

The scene inside is every parent’s worst nightmare. There are lines going in and out of Piper’s arms and bags of fluid are hung next to her bed; there are too many machines beeping and showing numbers and graphs that you just can’t understand. You feel Lando’s knees buckle beside yours and you keep an arm around his waist to keep him steady. You both need each other right now, there’s no doubt about that. 

When Piper cries out for her daddy from the hospital bed it brings a fresh set of tears to your eyes. You can’t remember the last time Piper actually called Lando daddy, it had been “dad” for the most part or “Mr.Norris” if she felt like being cheeky, but hearing those words from her mouth brought you right back to when she was a little girl, your little girl. 

Lando rushes to her side and has both hands caressing her face. He knows that she’s been checked over by the doctors, but he needs to see for himself that she’s really okay. He presses his forehead against hers as they cry together. You’ll never fully understand what Piper’s just been through, but the man standing in front of her does all too well. 

You hang back a bit to talk to the doctors, who try to give you a comprehensive update on her status, but as soon as you hear the words “she’s fine and on track to make a complete recovery” you zone out as you finally let out the breath that it feels like you’ve been holding this whole time. You’re about to go rejoin your family once you hear the next words out of your daughter’s mouth.

“I’m sorry dad, I know this meant a lot to you.” Piper sighs as she pulls the hospital sheets up to her chin.  “Did I at least make it around a lap? Am I the youngest ever female formula 3 driver to complete a lap in a grand prix?” 

This is when Lando has to face the music - he got so excited about his daughter dreaming of Formula 1 that he may have pushed her a little too far if his daughter is more worried about beating records than she is about her own health. Lando tries to calm his own breathing as he grabs both of Piper’s hands to lay on his own to get her full attention. He wants to make sure she fully understands what he’s about to say.

“You’re always going to be my little girl, Pipes. Racing or not, I am always proud of you. I never want you to feel like you have to impress me.” Lando doesn’t even answer Piper’s question about the record because frankly he has no idea. He’s never once cared about awards and prizes and all of the fancy shit. All he’s ever wanted is for her to be happy, and he tells her exactly that. 

Piper stops crying long before Lando does, and you’re amazed by the maturity your daughter shows as she starts wiping the tears from your husband’s eyes. You all just need a little family cuddle so you do exactly that, and take a moment to appreciate the lives that the three of you have and how precious that is. The sentimental moment is only broken by your daughter, who says that she has a little request for the two of you. 

“Do you think you can ask the doctors if they can give me the good stuff that you got back in Vegas all those years ago, dad?”  

Moments like this remind you that Piper is her father’s daughter and it earns a laugh from you both. 

“Not a chance, kid, but good try.” 

For the first time in what feels like years, the 3 of you sleep in one bed together. It’s one teeny tiny hospital bed made for a teenager, so you both wake up with extremely sore backs but very full hearts. Piper’s the first to fall asleep, understandably spent from the day she’s been through, but you notice Lando’s eyes never leave her, as if he’s worried she’ll disappear if he looks away. You reach over to grab his hand, you get it. Call it parental instinct, but that feeling of anxiety after something bad happens to your child is just something you can’t push away, and you want him to know that you’re here for him. You both wordlessly take turns watching over Piper throughout the night, holding her hand through blood draws and med deliveries. 

 Lando spends all day and night at Piper’s side while she’s recovering, and it’s only when you and your daughter tell him that he smells absolutely horrendous and needs to go shower do you finally get him to take a beat for himself. He still calls 3 times on the drive home from the hospital alone to check how Piper’s doing, and you have to threaten to not pick up the next time he calls before he finally takes a bit of a break. So often it feels like children drift away from their parents in their teenage years, but Piper’s recovery has given you both the opportunity to spend some much needed time with her as she grows up. 

The minute Piper is cleared by the medical team she’s instantly back in the simulator. She’s a little daredevil like her daddy after all. Lando of course asks over and over again if she’s doing this for herself and not him, the fear of making the same mistakes as earlier weighing heavy on his mind. Your daughter is nothing if not honest, so she tells him about how she loves the sport itself but also loves the way she’s able to connect to her dad through it. Lando makes her pinky promise that she’ll let her know if she ever changes her mind on the subject, and lucky for you both, she never does.

---

author's note: this was based on a lovely request from a reader! if you have any requests feel free to drop them in my ask box :) If you liked this piece and haven't read racer girl yet, give it a read because I'm sure you'll love that one too!

Until next time! - Em <;3

[saerins]

─── 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄

+ sae x f!reader | wc 4.9k | content: angst, fluff, some making out, implied sex, stupid teenager phase

notes: sobs this was not supposed to be this long … one of y’all need to stop me from writing about this man !! i love him too much, pls send help </3 extra: this is the song playing in the last scene :’)

summary: sae has few interests, and one of them is you. but sometimes, being special just isn’t enough.

you’ve always been special.

ever since age three when your family moved across the street from where the itoshis lived. ever since age five when you finally gathered the courage to talk to the pair of brothers. ever since age six when sae invited you to play with him and rin. ever since age seven when you cried because someone bullied you at the playground and sae wiped away your tears. ever since age ten when both of you played with paper rings. ever since age eleven when you and sae would talk endlessly at night through the phone and get nagged at by your parents when they found out.

ever since age twelve when you told sae you’d watch him become the best soccer player in the world by his side.

your presence bleeds into sae’s life and he can’t think about anything without relating it to you; like how his breakfast tastes like ass when you’re not smearing your stupid peanut butter on it because apparently peanut better goes well with everything is your phase at that point of time. like how he’s walking home and he’ll always have to crane his head to the right just to check if you’re on your front porch swing, because if you are, he’ll wave and then you’ll smile and wave back, and sae would feel like it’s a special code you two share.

you’re probably the only thing he pays his spare attention to. and rin. you, rin, soccer. that’s all.

you complain way too much, especially at the fact that sae doesn’t smile often. he counters, “that’s none of your business.”

and you tell him one day you’ll be the reason he smiles everyday.

sae thinks it’s kind of stupid though, because you already are. you just aren’t around to see it. he’ll probably never let you see it too. he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he did.

it isn’t long before you’re age fifteen and graduating middle school and you’re excited to start high school. it didn’t really make a difference for sae, as long as he got to play soccer, he really couldn’t care less.

when you’re age sixteen you tell sae that a boy from class broke your heart because he didn’t accept your valentines’ chocolates. it was as good as a rejection, apparently. or whatever girl code says it is.

frankly, sae’s just offended. you’ve never given him any valentines’ shit. all of a sudden some no name guy is getting it?

maybe it’s true what people say, teenage girls cry over stupid things they consider love that’s not actually love. now you’re getting his soccer jersey wet with your tears and you’re crooning on and on about how boys suck but somehow sae’s still the best.

you’re sixteen and crying on sae’s shoulder, while he’s seventeen and wishing he could torture the son of a bitch who made you cry.

this is the closest you’ve ever been, physically. your heart’s not really broken because whoever you’re crying about has never really had it. but sae doesn’t know that.

teenage girls make really stupid decisions sometimes. and other times, they making stupid passing comments, like when you say “glad i didn’t let him kiss me. would suck for my first kiss to be with a dick who didn’t give a shit about me.”

sometimes teenage boys make stupid decisions too.

sae doesn’t really know what possesses him to do this, but he doesn’t stop it. he doesn’t stop his hand from reaching out to you, doesn’t stop his fingers from tilting your chin up. there’s only confusion in your eyes when he looks into them. there’s only hesitation in his.

sae’s not anything to you except for a childhood friend, and you’re not anything to him, except for one of the most beautiful people he’s ever met. that’s why he does this slowly, so you have time to stop this.

he has no right to do this. he wishes you would just stop him.

you’re both teenagers when sae becomes your first kiss, when your tears stain his cheeks and he tastes like the fruits he just ate. you’re both delirious off of the feeling, like neither of you want this to end because your lips stay connected even when you’re not moving, and your lashes are fluttering against one another’s and sae really wants to kiss you again.

but it’s late and your parents are probably the ones knocking on his door right now so he stops himself and pulls away while rin bounds down the stairs to open the door.

sae sees nothing but you, you and your pretty face and your pretty lips and your perfect perfect person.

“there, now your first kiss is with a dick who does care about you.”

it’s that same summer and you’ve forgotten all about the stupid boy that supposedly broke your heart. you have sae with you whenever he’s free, when he decides to bring you out after practice and explore rooftops to find the best view for the fireworks.

you’re not together, but it sure feels like you are.

then it’s autumn and the leaves are turning orange and red, and you swear you see sae’s cheeks and ears turn nearly the same shade when he holds your hand for the first time as you walk through the park, a white cat crossing in front of you.

sae blames it on his practice earlier and that he’s tired because there’s no way he’ll ever admit it’s because of you.

when winter comes, sae’s still taking care of you. nothing stops him from playing soccer, but nothing can stop him from finding you either. sae’s starting to regret his decisions when you force him to go ice skating and look at him expectantly whenever you see a mistletoe.

you’re a lot of work, maybe you’re worth it.

and then you kiss him again and he thinks yes, maybe he can do this. he can juggle soccer and you, it’ll magically work out.

finally it’s spring and you’re excited because you love the cherry blossoms, and sae thinks maybe he loves something else but he’s not going to go there yet. and while everyone’s watching the solar eclipse that one night, sae’s watching you.

for once, he wants to believe in superstitions, wants to believe what watching the solar eclipse means.

“what’s the matter?”

you’re always so perceptive. you’d make a great playmaker, he feels.

of course you pick up on the tension, barely a minute after you walk into his room. sae doesn’t want to ruin this, whatever this is, whether it’s love or something less, or maybe something more.

but it’s not a democracy, and the answer is crystal clear in sae’s mind. his answer’s always been the same, but it’s not like you don’t exist in his world.

“the club in spain gave me an offer.”

that’s all he needs to say to make you understand. and if you weren’t the most understanding person he knows, you might’ve reacted differently, but you’re still the same supportive, kind girl he met at age four.

“when do you go?” your voice is shaky and he knows you’re trying to hold it together.

sae’s sorry, really.

“next month.”

it’s not a lot of time, but probably enough to say goodbye. then you throw your arms around him and you work your magic, you say you want to try despite the distance, despite the unknown timeline. and who is sae if not someone who’d give it a try?

he’s not even sure he can ever say no to you.

it doesn’t seem real until the night before he leaves, because you’re eighteen and standing in his near barren room, everything already packed into boxes and loaded.

maybe it’s the fact he’ll be gone for a very long time, doesn’t know when he’ll see you again. maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he feels you pressed up against him. maybe it’s the fact he’s denying the depth of his feelings for you and it’s getting him frustrated.

or maybe it’s because he’s selfish and he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, just like how he gave you your first kiss.

he’s your first kiss, and he’ll be your first time, with your hands clawing at his clothes. and you’ll be his, with the way he’s grabbing onto your bare back so desperately.

you’re eighteen and you think nothing’s prettier than the sounds sae makes, especially when his lips are right next to your ear, with his hot breath fanning against you.

sae’s nineteen and he thinks you’re the best thing he’s ever tasted, in all sense of the word. he thinks you look pretty in pink, still pretty when you wear nothing too.

and suddenly sae thinks that maybe it doesn’t feel so crazy to think that the both of you might make it through this.

long distance can work for some people. but sometimes it’s just meant to drive two people further away.

sae’s gaining momentum in europe, and you’re proud of him. you’re proud of your boyfriend, doing his best and showing off his talents and having his hard work pay off.

you’re really, genuinely happy for him. but the bigger of a star he is, the further away he feels, and maybe it’s selfish of you to want him here, to want him to be just your neighbour itoshi sae like how things started out.

maybe it’s selfish and wishful thinking, but you can’t help yourself.

sometimes sae doesn’t even have time to look at his phone. he’s tired and overwhelmed and understandably too. and you feel guilty everytime you subject him to your insecurities.

but you’re nineteen and you don’t know better.

rin’s not much fun to hang around with, especially when he got more stoic and awkward. he’s like a mirror of his brother, and that may fool a lot of people, except you knew him before that. but you’re not going to butt your head in things that don’t concern you, so you leave him be.

and suddenly the itoshis seem further away than they’ve ever been. for the first time in your life, you’re not sure if trying will be enough anymore.

sae misses you. that’s whenever he has the free time to think, when he’s not hounded by trainings after trainings, when he’s not busy from day to night with whatever new training regime they’ve got him on.

is he aware that he’s probably being the world’s worst boyfriend now? yes. but sae can’t force himself to choose that over his dreams. can’t force himself not to choose soccer.

[17:08] she’s fine, idk what you’re worried about.

rin’s message doesn’t alleviate his worries. sae knows you better than anyone, and he doesn’t believe you’re fine.

[08:08] hey sae :)

[17:34] going to bed now, gn!! &lt;3

sae stares at your message for a while in the locker room, while everyone else is showering. you’ve cooled off on the pet names, you’re worried you’re overstepping. you’re worried he’s lost his feelings.

he’s not.

he’d be crazy to.

but he can’t find the energy to convince himself that this would turn out fine. he can’t convince himself that he’s not hurting you every single day by not being able to be everything you need, by not being able to be physically there for you.

this half-assed relationship isn’t what you deserve. and where he is right now, with his bird’s eye view of the world, he doesn’t know if he can ever give you anything else.

[17:49] goodnight. call you tomorrow.

the moment sae breaks up with you, you feel like that kid at sixteen all over again, except this time you don’t have your favourite person’s shoulder to cry on and this time it’s actually love.

all you can think of when you hear him pick up the phone is that morning right before he left for the airport, how his hair’s a mess and how his lashes are way too pretty and how he sounded when he’s all groggy and tired.

but then he tells you the one thing you do not want to hear, and the illusion is shattered into pieces.

“this isn’t working out.”

“what are you talking about?” he’s silent, and you’re anxious. “we’re fine, sae.”

you can hear him sighing over the phone. you so desperately want to fix this, and so does sae but he can’t think of anything more selfish than to ask you to wait for him until he’s ready—he knows what’s the right thing to do. it sucks, but he’s made up his mind.

“that’s bullshit, y/n,” he responds, calmly, and you feel him slipping further and further from you.

“i- look, i-i know it’s hard but we can—”

“give it a break, woman,” sae chuckles, low and deep, and you’re beginning to doubt that you know him at all right now. “we’re done.”

the dial tone is all you can hear after that.

twenty years old is where you have your first actual heartbreak.

and all that talk about how time heals all feels like bullshit when you’re right in the middle of it all. five days in and you’re still a wreck. twenty days later and you’re still staring at the pictures you and sae took together. a month passes and you’re visiting the places you went to together. just a sad, pathetic girl crying on the benches, reliving what she once had.

three months later you’re still watching his matches on tv. you’re still cheering for him inside. four months later and it’s sae’s birthday and he doesn’t even respond to your birthday message. half a year after the breakup and you finally stop crying when you think of him.

but it’s easy to delude yourself when you’re not in the presence of what you grieve. because eight months after you broke up, you see reports that sae’s dating a sports photographer. the next few days, a picture is released of them kissing in a restaurant.

then you get glimpses of other girls being able to be intimate with him. other girls getting to taste his lips and feel his love. other girls getting his attention when that right used to solely belong to you.

and you’ve never felt worse.

“why so glum?”

sae blinks at the woman, indifferent. he can’t even remember her name.

“nadia,” she says, like she’s reading his goddamn mind, holding her hand out. “i’ve been your team’s photographer for a few months now.”

sae shakes her hand out of courtesy because he really doesn’t want his publicist to chew him out again. “didn’t ask.”

“you know, you’re a lot more crabby these days,” she comments, and it’s like he can see the lightbulb going off in her head. “oh, is it girlfriend issues?”

“i don’t have one, so shut it.”

“come on, i promise i’m good at making people forget.” she says this so seductively that sae’s a little disturbed. he just wants to get this shoot done with and go home, maybe even check up on you a little. all in incognito mode, of course, because he can’t risk you knowing he still cares. can’t risk getting your hopes up.

somehow the stars have spent all their time aligning sae’s soccer career and everything else is in tatters because his publicist forces him to take nadia up on her offer and go out with her.

what was supposed to be a one time thing turned out to be something more. she wasn’t even close to you, but she could be close. turns out when he’s not being such a dick, nadia can be moderately interesting.

different, maybe that’s what he needs.

he thinks back to when she kissed him on their first date. sae still finds himself hoping you didn’t see that.

but no, he’s not in love with you anymore. sae’s officially an adult at twenty-one and he’s still the same stubborn guy in denial because he’s looking at pictures of you while nadia’s sitting right next to him.

it’s not healthy, it really isn’t.

you’re twenty-one now and you’re actually going on a date with the sole intention of trying to get over the one and only itoshi sae.

can you even trust your friend? all you know is that the guy is a friend of a best friend’s and that’s all she told you.

“my best friend’s a good guy, so by extension, so is his best friend,” was all she said.

now you’re here, at the amusement park, waiting for your date to show himself because apparently, in your friend’s bid for suspense, she was reluctant to share anything about him except that he’s dreamy and pretty and that his friend describes him as a genius.

and also “oh, he’s a soccer player too so that’s right up your alley, right?”

when the call from date guy comes in (because to stop you from profiling your date she also didn’t give you his name), you kind of like his voice.

“hey, where are you?”

you find out his name is nagi. and that he’s only here because reo stole his switch and he won’t give it back until the date’s over. which kind of works because you tell him you’re only here because you wanted to get over someone.

to which he says it’s a hassle.

there’s nothing you expect out of this, but then you find yourself enjoying your date.

it’s clear by the first fifteen minutes why nagi chose this place to meet. he’s absurdly good at games. he’s won you tons of plushies that you had to give away to some very happy kids. it’s a pattern; every game that he doesn’t know, he only loses once and then he proceeds to dominate.

no wonder his friend calls him a genius.

with nagi it’s easy, fluid. you’ve been spending the whole night there with him, playing together and eating together—well, mostly it’s just you feeding nagi because it turns out he finds a lot of things a hassle.

three days later, you find out that apparently you’re not a hassle in his books. not really, because he asks you out again.

it’s irrational.

sae shouldn’t be this bothered, but he is. he hates seeing your stupid updates about how you’re on a date with this nagi guy. he hates seeing your posts with the two of you wearing matching sweaters for christmas.

he gives it a like.

nadia’s already gone. sae doesn’t have time or energy to waste on people that don’t matter. and you shouldn’t matter. not right now. but here he is, wishing the circumstances were different.

if you and nadia switched places. if you had something to bring you to spain. it’s fucking selfish, he knows. doesn’t stop him from wishing for it. he can’t think of anyone else like how he thinks of you. doesn’t want to.

he really is clueless about everything outside of soccer, because he’s twenty-two when he realises that no one could ever make him forget about you, and maybe he should just live with it.

sae turns twenty-three when he’s in the running for being the world’s best midfielder. he’s gotten rid of the hopes of moving on and he’ll just fake it till he makes it.

maybe that’s why this year is particularly special to him. or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long while, you wish him happy birthday.

at midnight, in japan. because you’re thoughtful that way.

this time he responds.

thanks. how r u?

it’s criminal how easy it is for you to get his heart beating like this. he sees you typing and it’s enough to lift his mood.

great, school’s kicking my ass though.

sae finds himself wishing that he could hear your voice right now. for some stupidly non-complex reason that he finds completely absurd.

i saw your match last week, good game, genius.

fuck. after all this time, he still wants you.

his fingers type i miss you, just for the hell of it. just to see it there on his screen before he inevitably deletes it and replaces it with something mediocre like thanks or i know.

because he can’t just say that after being the one who broke things off. he can’t do that when he still thinks it won’t work out.

all he does is sigh and hit the delete button—except fuck, he accidentally hit send. and he would’ve deleted it if you weren’t already online and read it and he sees you typing for a moment before you stop completely and go offline.

sae has never felt more numb.

it’s been three months since sae said he missed you. you still can’t get that out of your head. the most upfront he’s been about his feelings and he chooses then of all times to be honest?

when your boyfriend was right beside you?

maybe it was your fault. you didn’t even know why you wished him a happy birthday. maybe you missed him too and was just lying to yourself.

god, maybe you’re the asshole in this after all. did you really love nagi? or was he just exceptionally well at making you forget? you really really like him, that’s all you know.

“hey, what’s wrong?” nagi’s looking at you, pushing his hair back, and you can’t help but think you’re lucky to have him these past few months.

but the turmoil inside you wins, and maybe you understand a little bit of how sae felt that night when he broke up with you.

it’s not fair to nagi for you to do this, but it’s not fair to him either to keep him around.

“we need to talk.”

it’s a surreal feeling, to be back in japan.

sae was nineteen when he left. now he’s twenty-seven when he breathes the tokyo air again. he lugs around his carry-on baggage because he’s not staying here for long. not yet. he’s coming back soon, and he doesn’t really know why. he’s milked everything he could from spain, from the rest of europe, some of the americas, and maybe he’s homesick now.

plain and simple.

the cab driver asks him why he looks so sharp, and he simply says, “wedding.”

it’s been seven years since he broke up with you. and your grip on him is as firm as ever. a grip he’ll never let you know you have on him because he’s made this mistake before—said i miss you and then scared you away.

by the next day he couldn’t even find you online because everything is wiped and maybe you hate him, hate his guts. that’s fine. he can live with that.

to him, you’re still the same lovable person as you were at age five. still the same girl at age sixteen that he fell in love with. you’re still his person and it’s fine if he has to just admire you from afar.

when he arrives, he takes a long hard look around the room, filled with guests socialising and drinking their wines and it’s so pathetic but he’s wondering if you’re still around. he’s late, and it’s his plane’s fault but it’s no use playing the blame game.

“hey,” rin calls out when he sees his brother. “you missed the ceremony.”

“yeah, stupid plane got delayed,” sae says, mind still distracted.

rin formally introduces his new wife to sae and she seems nice, polite, the kind that can put his brother in his place if she needs to. that’s nice. sae can’t help envisioning you in the wedding dress though. you’d look nice.

nicer if he was the one beside you.

“oh! as a gift to my now brother-in-law, i have a friend i want to set you up with,” she grins, and as much of an ass that sae is, he just figures he’ll reject the poor girl later. for now, he’ll entertain his new sister-in-law.

rin claps him on the shoulder before smirking and walking off, presumably to get a drink because no matter how much rin has changed, sae doubts he’ll ever become friendly enough to mingle in this crowd.

sae feels someone poking his shoulder and turns around, first to find his sister-in-law grinning from ear to ear, and next to find you next to her, just like he remembers.

pretty in pink, stupid bashful smile, still fucking beautiful.

“have fun,” rin’s wife says before she walks off with a knowing look. she’s already winning points with sae for bringing you to him.

“hey, genius,” you try to suppress your smile but it’s not working.

he thinks he’s dreaming. he’s not. he’s here. and so are you. and this might just be what he missed all this time.

you hold your hand out and he takes it wordlessly, obediently. sae follows you to the dance floor, trying to calm his erratic heartbeats, savouring the feeling of your hand in his once again, remembering that moment back in autumn when he first felt it.

when you wrap your hands around his neck and he wraps his around your waist, it feels like finally, something is real. like there’s something in this country that can really keep him here this time. because now he’s twenty-seven and he finally understands, he’s always loved you but he’s never been ready until now.

“can’t believe you let your brother get married before you,” you say, sarcasm because you’re breaking into a grin. “he actually beat you at something.”

sae pouts slightly, averting his gaze. “what’s the big deal anyway?”

you shrug. “i’d have thought you’d be the first. maybe with one of the girls you met abroad or something.”

there’s a certain bitterness in your tone that he likes, only because it means you minded all this time. the thought of him with someone else. he suddenly remembers something, and searches the room for a familiar face.

gray eyes meet his teal ones before they turn away, disinterested.

“you sure your boyfriend won’t mind you dancing with your ex?”

“probably not, since i don’t have one.” you smirk, sensing the bitterness in his tone too. it’s funny, seeing sae jealous like this.

he has no reason to though, since you broke up with nagi after being honest with yourself—that you’re not over sae and you probably never will be. you’d decided to just live with your decision.

“shame. thought you guys looked cute in those matching sweaters.”

so that was a jealous like, you think to yourself.

“thought you looked cute with that sports photographer girl too, kissing and all,” you say, though it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “why didn’t that work out?”

for the first time in his life, sae decides to be outright honest with you—

“because she’s not you.” because everytime she said his name, he’d overlay it with your voice in his head. because everytime she’d tried to get close, he’d resent her more for not being you. because no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never be you and that will never work, not for sae.

—to a certain degree.

he’s twenty-seven when he’s finally old enough to understand that it was never a problem with feelings because he’s always loved you all the same all this time. it was just a matter of being ready at the right time. it’s like luck in the world of soccer, where coincidences can only fall to those who are prepared.

and he’s here now. he’s ready.

call him crazy for thinking you’re on the same page because you’re getting closer and closer and closer.

“itoshi sae,” you whisper his name against his lips and he’s reminded of the first time he had you. you drive him crazy and he thinks he’ll keep on letting you. “i missed you too.”

you did. you used to be too young and inexperienced to put yourself in sae’s shoes. too young and naive thinking emotions were enough for two people to stay. sometimes, some things just aren’t meant to be… in the moment. and other times, when you’re both ready, everything suddenly falls into place.

you were sixteen when sae first kissed you. now ten years later, ten years wiser, you kiss again, and this feels significantly better than before. because now you both know.

sae has known you ever since you were three. and he thinks he’ll keep on knowing you, every day, every hour, every minute. he wants to know you forever. and he’s thinking maybe that superstition worked out after all. maybe it was destined to be like this all along.

two people coming together and falling apart only to end up in each other’s arms.

and he thinks fuck superstition, fuck the white cats and solar eclipses and everything else. even if things threaten not to work, this time he’ll make it work.

sae’s known you for so long he overlooked one simple thing. when he kisses you even deeper and is greeted with your lips smiling against his, he knows.

he hasn’t become the world’s best soccer player yet, but when he does, you’ll be by his side.

one day those paper rings the both of you played with when you were little would be real.

you’ve always been special, and you always will be.

now he’s finally home.

[miniwheat77]

Alibi. (141 x Reader HC’s.)

You guys see those edits floating around tik tok with that Alibi song? (you know what I’m talking about.) so here’s a fic inspired by it. !nsfw, violence, mental health issues, death, blood, mentions of suicide, NO MINORS!

Can you remember when the last time was you felt safe in the dark?

All of the ways reader is valuable to 141, more than just as a soldier.

When I’m out of breath, she’s my vitals.

His heart is thudding in his chest. He can’t seem to calm down. Blood rushes from the knife wound in his side and he’s stressed. He knows he shouldn't have taken it out. He knew better and still did it. He doesn't know what he was thinking. He’s taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. He’s alone, his radio is broken and he can’t call for help. He can’t walk because he can’t stop his racing heart.

Just when he thinks he’s going to die alone, you come running. “I got you.” You breathe. Skidding to a stop, lowering yourself onto your knees in front of him. He’s sitting up against a building. You shove his shirt up, grasping his hand and forcing him to hold it over his wound. “Look at me, you’re bleeding too much because you’re too stressed.” You cup his face, forcing him to look at you. “You’re gonna be alright Gaz, look at me. Breathe with me okay?” You take in a deep breath, your imitation tactics will work on him. He stares back.

He takes in a deep breath, the feeling of your hands on him. Knowing that if he dies right now, he won’t die alone. It already calms him.

After a few deep breaths, he’s calming down. His heart has settled a bit more in his chest. You move his hand, seeing that he’s still bleeding but not nearly as bad. “Keep breathing like that Gaz, I’m gonna patch you up the best I can.” He nods his head, keeping the steady intake of oxygen. Medivac was on their way.

You look up at him. Smiling. "It's not happening today. Not like this." He laughs. Wincing slightly. "How are y-you always there ah?" He laughs. You look at him confused. "Anytime anyone is hurt you always know and you always come running." He laughs.

"I just do. You're my brothers. I'll always come running. I got you.” You breathe. “Keep breathing for me. Medivac is coming. I’ll be by your side no matter what alright?”

When I need to rev, she’s my ride or die.

Your teeth are gritted as you watch the scene unfold in front of you. The new recruit doesn't know you're there and she's been a total bitch to him since she started, but would only do it when no one else was around. When he brought it up, she called him a liar. She didn't know you were here and neither did he. "You know you're the weakest link of this entire task force? I mean really? I don't even know why they keep you around." She snorts. You let her dig her own grave but you can see him and he's fuming. Getting more and more angry as she keeps going. You're worried he might actually explode. You need the perfect moment to show yourself.

"You know I could say you hit me and they would kick you off of this base so fast because no one would believe you."

That was your last straw. You start walking into the room, your footsteps can be heard. The moment she sees you, she's got that same look on her face. The crocodile tears start. "Y/N thank god. He was just threatening me." She cries. Making her way toward you. "Is that true?" You look at him. He says nothing. Expecting you to take her side. You've always been ride or die for everyone and he doesn't know what so suddenly changed when she came around. He is clearly pissed.

"Look. Maybe we can talk this out. In private. Let's go outside and talk." You mumble. He rolls his eyes but knows he has no choice. The both of them follow you outside and the moment the door is closed, you grasp her shoulder and spin her around. Before she has time to react you’re punching her in the gut as hard as you can. His eyes widen. "Jesus!" He mumbles. You clamp a hand over her mouth before she can yell out. Backing her into the wall. "Not a word or I'll put a bullet in your fucking head and than there will only be one side to this story." You growl. He's standing off to the side. Surprised at how quickly this had escalated. "Everyone on this task force. Even him. They are my brothers and if you fuck with them, you fuck with me." You have her pinned. Right in the blind spot where cameras don't see it, which now he realizes was your plan all along.

You take another swing at her, busting her nose. Blood rushes from it. "Go to your room and clean up and if you say a fucking word I'll have your head. Understand?" You seethe. She nods her head.

She rushes away from you.

"You knew?" He asks. You snort. "Of course I knew Johnny." You laugh. Shaking the pain from your fist. "I always know."

"Thank god." He sighs. "Not just my word against hers anymore." He sighs. "Nah, we'll talk to Price and get her out of here. Let's go get a drink, calm you down." You rest your hand on his lower back, seeing the weight has clearly been lifted off his shoulders.

When I’m out of faith, she’s my idol.

It's times like this he wishes he hadn't taken on the responsibility of being a Captain in the military. He has to be someone these people look up to. But he doesn't feel worthy. He feels like he means nothing, sometimes he feels he leads them in the wrong directions. Sometimes going as far as getting them injured or killed. He doesn't know how to combat these feelings.

Some days he wants to give up. Wants to call it quits and leave this all behind. But he knows he has people relying on him. Even if he thinks they'd be better off without him. He sighs. Taking a drink of the flask he had in his hand. He's got the gun in his waistband. He shouldn't be having these thoughts. For some reason, his mind keeps travelling to you. Your smiling face despite being in the worst situations known to man. How you always seem to be so happy and keeping a good attitude. He wishes he could be that positive all of the time. He wishes he could be like you in a lot of ways but doesn't understand it.

He hears footsteps and quickly tries to hide the flask until he sees it's Gaz. "Garrick." He nods. "Cap. Something going on?"

"Ah. Same old. Wish I could change things I can't." He snorts. "Feel you there. Y/N asked if I could come find you, says she needs to ask you something." He nods his head. He wonders what you could possibly want this late. He stands up. "That girl. Swear. No matter what she's always so happy." He laughs. "Yeah you got me. I don't know how she does it all of the time." Captain Price laughs. "Wish I could be like her in a lot of ways."

"That's funny. She says the same things about you." He laughs. "Really?" He asks. He nods. "Yeah. When you're not around she tells stories. Talks about how you're basically her hero. Tells everyone all kinds of cool stuff you've done. Swears up and down that you're the best superior she's ever worked for in the military. Says she doesn't know what she'd do if something happened to you." Captain Price laughs. Shocked at hearing that you've said such kind things about him. "Such a sweet girl." He shakes his head. "Thanks Gaz. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He nods. He's going to go find you.

Right after he returns this gun to his nightstand.

I just killed a man, she’s my alibi.

Ghost sits in his house. His hands shake violently. He fucked up. He fucked up bad this time. He doesn't know how he'll talk his way out of this one. The man had gotten slick with him at the bar after what he’d done. He shouldn't have went in the first place. He should've stayed home. He doesn't know who to call, but you're the closest person to him. He's got no other choice.

You come running at the tone in his voice. He's clearly scared about something. When you arrive, you walk right into his house. "Simon?" You ask. He looks up. "What's going on?" He asks.

You had an idea of what it was. You'd seen the news this morning.

"A man was found dead in the back alley of a bar this morning, footage showed a man wearing a skull mask."

"I.. I don't know what got into me. He..." he trails off. "He corned this girl back there and I didn't know what to do. I just hit him. I couldn't stop."

You press your hand to your lips. Silencing him. "Listen to me-" A knock at the door is what startles you. "Go answer it and don't say a word about where you were until I'm down there okay?" You force him to look at you. You grasp the mask on his face and pull it off of him. He nods. Listening. He makes his way to the front door.

You look around the room, you know what you're looking for. You look across his boots and other shoes that he might've been wearing but they're all clean. Everything is all clean until you spot the gloves in his bathroom. You quickly shove them in your pockets and make your way to him. He's let the officer in. "I really was just wondering where you were last night?" He's got a little note pad in his hand and a pencil in the other. "Is something wrong?" You ask. Stepping into the room. "Oh uh.. just routine questions. Nothing serious ma'am." He smiles. "Oh.. we just got back from a black ops mission a few hours ago, did something happen?" You ask. "Uh.. well we're just investigating a death at a bar last night. Folks say they saw a man wearing a skull mask and we heard from around that you sometimes wear them." He looks at Ghost.

"Oh.. uh. I usually only wear those when I'm on missions to hide my identity. Don't want people knowing who I am and retaliating against my family." Simon explains. The officer explains. "Do you guys have a superior I can follow this up with? Just to double check?" He asks. You nod your head. "Yeah of course. I have his phone number right here." You nod. Drawing your phone out of your pocket. You relay the number and Ghost only hopes Captain Price will cover for the both of you. "You mind if I take a peek around?" He asks. "No. Course not." You answer, seeing the fear rise in Simon's eyes.

The officer disappears for a few minutes before coming back. "It doesn't look like I'll have to follow up after all. Someone made report that he had attacked a female and the person acted in defense for her. However we would like them to come forward anyways. So if you happen to hear about any of this, please give me a call." He passes a card to you and you take it. "Thanks officer." You smile. When he leaves, you lock the door behind him. Tugging the gloves out of your pocket. How fast you had acted.

How fast you were willing to cover for a murderer? What other lengths would you go to. To defend the task force?

"You owe me, Riley."

[cboffshore]

what you say about Jay's condition in the skybound fics is actually very true. 90% of the fandom portrays him as falling at the slightest degree of pain, bursting into tears and begging when in canon Jay NEVER cries or begs in all his torture with Nadakhan. All he does at most is complain silently, and continue talking shit about everyone

we actually need more fics of Jay being a little shit that fights dirty, cheats, and deals damage using the meanest ways to defend himself and attack even when he's getting his ass kicked. I just feel like a lot of fics don't really embody the fact that Jay didn't sit back and let them torture him while he cried, but he actually fought back, he actually continued to be stubborn to the point that nothing Nadakhan did worked.

You're so right and you should absolutely say it. I am not the biggest Jay enjoyer (don't get me wrong, I like him, but I'm not winning the Jay Fan contest any day soon), but I particularly enjoy his arc in Skybound and how that persistence plays into it. Seeing it get put to the side in favor of whatever all these crying sessions are trying to do honestly makes me wonder - do people who write this flavor of sadboy Jay actually enjoy/appreciate Skybound to the same degree that inspires so many of us to write about it, or are they just there for the angst openings? Which does Jay such a huge disservice. I'm still in awe whenever Jay gets that Target ball sized ball and chain slammed into his chest and still gets back up. This is the guy everyone's relegating to weep in a corner? He's throwing stray insults at every opening and then some and the popular fanon consensus is, "yeah, he's completely broken, send him to the pit"??

Now, don't get me wrong, the occasional show of vulnerability is great. Key word there is occasional. To be fair, I would likely be just as unsettled as I am by the sobfest trend if Jay just did Bugs Bunny shenanigans the entire time without ever cracking. It's about balance! Show that development off! Have him get tougher over time! A strategically placed breakdown or slip-of-the-tongue beg can work so well, it's just got to be handled carefully. (Tried it with Nya once in my own Skybound fics, and can confirm: watch where and when it happens and you can say a lot about whoever does it. Granted, I have never tried it with Jay, but same principle!) Sure, let him do it - but not for the sake of doing it. What would Jay think after the fact? How would the crew's reactions affect him? (Fun idea: would he weaponize it, like the back pain scene where he's literally grinning the whole time? Would he deliberately turn on the waterworks often enough that if it ever happens for real, nobody tries to take advantage of it?)

I didn't mean to go on for that long, but yeah! It's a frustrating topic, and I really wish I knew where it came from. Thanks for dropping in and letting me ramble!

[seeingivy]

how to fight 

roommate eren x f!reader 

battleships sink beneath the waste (of you and eren)

**read the mini series masterlist here 

content warning: baby (LOL), porco + pieck softness, porco x y/n family feud, someone calls hitch a snitch, fight between u and eren :( 

an: sorry for da holdup. I was trying to map out how I want the rest of the things to go before I write the rest of the chapters but I think i’ve got most of it down. fun things in store :D and for the anons who are requesting scenes and dialogue for this story in the ask box....all in good time you guys. im taking very detailed notes keep it coming. 

previous part linked here

- 

You lean over, pressing your fingers against the side of Ethan’s cheek, his breath ghosting against your hand. You swear he gets bigger every time you see him, his tiny hands huge compared to when you saw him last. Therapy is expensive, your best friend's newborn baby is free. 

Porco’s big eyes, Pieck’s soft nose - the perfect mix of the two people you love the most. Something about him - his life being confined to Porco, Pieck, and occasionally you and Gabi- was soothing. He doesn’t have to worry about these things - about your friends ditching you, having a crush on your roommate, who is dating a girl you can’t help but hate. 

You hear Ethan’s breathing hitch in his sleep, the thought leaving your mind, as he turns over on his side to face you. His fingers are clutched around yours, his hold soft. You silently wonder what else he’ll inherit from them. Pieck’s smile, Porco’s ashy blonde hair, the distinct Galliard dimples. 

“Why are you staring at my kid like that?” 

You turn to find Porco glaring at you, his permanent ever annoyed look pressed on his face. He’s going to get wrinkles by the time he’s thirty. 

“Praying he doesn’t get your receding hairline, Galliard.” you whisper, your hand moving back to Ethan’s little tuft of hair. 

“I get you’re having some whole crisis thing but do you have to take it out on me? You’re freeloading in my house right now.”

At the sound of Porco’s voice, significantly louder than your quiet whispers, Ethan eyes immediately flutter open, his tiny little cries filling up the space of the room. 

“Good job, Pock. Now he’s crying.” 

“Shut up.” 

Porco rolls his eyes at you, reaching to take Ethan from the crib. He’s lifted him up, whispering soft coos into his ears as Pieck rushes in the room, her fingers swiping the tears off of Ethan’s cheeks. Sparkling black hair, soft smile - the same as when you met her. 

After a few minutes, Ethan calms down, his tiny little eyes fluttering back to sleep. You take him from Porco, who begrudgingly hands him over, and set him back down in his crib. You linger for a few seconds, your face pressed against his crib as you watch his listen to his breaths, his tiny chest moving up and down with each one. You only move when you’re forced to - by Pieck linking her arm with yours, leading you downstairs. 

“Who woke him up?” 

“Twerp.” 

“Pock.” 

You both turn to glare at each other, as Pieck hands you the plates to set at the table. You and Porco move around each other, shoving each other each time you pass by.  

“He’s trying to kick me out. After I so graciously dropped everything to come spend time with you guys. Babysat your kid for free.” 

“He’s your godson. You should have come sooner. And stop using my kid to run away from your problems, Y/N.” 

Three days ago, Eren told you that he thought the two of you were a mistake. That he was dating the girl who in all senses of the word was everything you weren’t and he had been. Off and on, for a while. Screw you for wanting to get away from that, be surrounded by two people who actually wanted you around.

You couldn’t face Eren. You couldn’t handle him making you breakfast in the morning, listening to the music you liked, brushing his hand against yours when he walked past you. So you decided you weren’t going to. Not until you had to. 

So you picked up your keys and drove two hours to Marley, to visit Porco and Pieck. And their five month old son, Ethan. Your godson. 

“Leave her alone, Porco.” 

Pieck squeezes your shoulder as the three of you settle into the table to eat. You can feel the tears rising to your eyes, the thought of returning and leaving the little bubble you were in for the past few days, to find Hitch and Eren in your apartment. 

“I just wanted to see you guys. You always made me feel better. Ethan too.” 

You look up to find Porco looking at you, his expression uncharacteristically soft. Somehow his annoyed face is better than this. 

“Hey. Want me to beat him up, twerp?” 

“You can’t hit a girl, Porco.”

“Clean out your earwax. I meant your roommate, but I can get Snitch if you want too. Pieck’s got real bony knuckles, I’m sure it would hurt.” 

“It’s Hitch, honey.” 

“Same thing. Who names their kid a verb?” 

“Pock, a lot of names are verbs. Like Bob or Sue.” 

“Being a smartass isn’t a good look on you babe.” 

You press the back of your hands against your cheek, wiping your tears off, as you laugh at Pieck and Porco’s bantering. You don’t miss the way Porco tangles his hand into hers, Porco raising Pieck’s hand to press a kiss to it to shut her up. You remember the first time he did it, on that stupid bench you met them on years ago. 

Pieck moved into the house across from you, when you were in the third grade. She was four years your senior, a very cool seventh grader. You distinctly remember her marching over to your yard, big black combat boots, right to where you were playing with Gabi. 

You saw her the next day at school, her ankles tangled over each other as she sat alone on the bench outside your classroom. Alone. You walked over, pushing yourself into the seat next to hers.

“Hi Pieck.” 

“Hey kid. Enjoying recess?” 

You nodded, playing with the ends of your hair as she looked down at you. Some part of her was always intimidating. Like she was ice cold. But the way she smiled was soft, the lines by her eyes spreading when she did. Contradicting, in every sense of the matter. 

“Yeah. Did you make any friends yet?” 

“Just one. His name’s Porco.” 

“Don’t you want more?” 

“Not really. He’s all I need. Him and you, of course.” 

You remember your heart swelling in your chest - the thought of a seventh grader, big and mighty, wanting to be friends with you. The two of you sat in silence, swinging the ends of your legs on the bench. 

You had always appreciated that about Pieck, even at eight years old - that the two of you could sit in the quiet, without having to say anything. Porco idled by a few minutes later, taking the seat directly next to Pieck. 

“Who’s the twerp?” 

“My friend, Porco. This is Y/N.” 

He nods, wordlessly splitting the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he had in half and handing one piece of it to Pieck. You never understood it, the gesture. Or when they started dating. You just remember one day, their hands were pressed together on the bench. They never let go after that. 

You’ve tried to make sense of it. At their wedding, right before Pieck walked down the aisle, you turned to Porco and asked him why he gave her half of his sandwich, sat with her on the bench, pressed his hand against hers. You figured he’d say something cheesy you can tell his ugly kids. 

“I just felt like I knew her forever. I saw her on the field, staring at the sky, and just wanted to be near her.” 

You still didn’t understand, but you nodded, turning your head back down the aisle that Pieck was going to walk down in a few seconds. 

“Don’t settle till you find that guy.” 

“Which one, Pock?” 

“The one who knows the second he meets you.” 

“You’re corny. I hope your vows are better than this.” 

And they were. You feel Pieck reach over the table, crushing your knuckles in her hand. You look up at the two of them, at the soft little life they live. Sweet tea in the summer, hands pressed together, no other people involved. Except for you, of course. 

“I’ll leave after dinner, guys. I should go back anyway. But I might come back the second I see him.” 

“I’ll leave the door open, kid.” 

“Thanks Pock.” 

You feel the tears welling up in your eyes, again, this time falling down your cheeks. The two of them get up from their chairs, their arms around yours.  You squeeze their arms, focusing on this sensation as you brace yourself for your return home. 

Therapy’s expensive, but violent threats and your best friends are free. 

- 

You jam your door into the key, making it back to Shiganshina a little close to midnight. You thank your stars for Eren’s soccer practices being early in the morning, which virtually guarantees he’ll already be fast asleep in his room. 

You swing the door open, flicking on the hallway light as you silently move around. You find that the apartment is slightly messier than usual, Eren’s things strewn all across the room. You leave for three days and he thinks he owns the place. 

As you move to put the dirty dishes in the sink, you hear Eren’s door swing open immediately, cursing yourself for choosing the loudest chore to complete. You should have just put his hoodies in the laundry or something. 

“Y/N?” 

His voice is hoarse, like he’s struggling to get the words out. You look up and find him inches away from you, his arms pressed into the chair. His green eyes are marked by a rim of pink, his shoulders slumped over. 

“Hey Eren.” 

He leans over, pressing his forehead against your shoulder and squeezing. His eyes are still half closed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. You can smell his minty soap wafting off of him and lean back against the counter to distance yourself from it. 

“Am I imagining you or are you really here?” 

“Really here, Eren.” 

You feel his hands tense on your shoulders, his fingers lightly pushing into your skin. 

“I haven’t seen you in three days.” 

“I went to see Porco and Pieck for the weekend.” 

“It’s Tuesday. You could have at least let me know before you left.” 

You hum in acknowledgement, still rinsing the dishes in the sink. You try to focus on the sensation, the warm water splashing against your wrists and the cold plates against your hands. You try to ignore his words, each one leaving stinging, burning, agony in your chest. You’d run back to Porco and Pieck’s now if he wasn’t standing right there. Even the smell of him is petrifying. 

You feel him forehead get heavier on your shoulder, pushing farther into you. 

“I was worried about you.” 

Screw him. Screw him, his stupid words, his sweet smell, and his sad little face for making you feel this way. For wanting to reach forward and press yourself against him till he felt better. For him to wrap his arms around you, press featherlike kisses to your cheeks until you felt better too. You shrug him off, the movement making him stand up straight. 

“Sorry Eren.” 

“It’s okay. You wake up Porco and Pieck with your morning concert while you were there?” 

You clench the plate pressed in your hands so hard it shatters, the glass spreading across the length sink. 

“Screw you, Eren.”

“What?” 

“I’m so sick of you making fun of me all the time. If something I do annoys you, you should just tell me instead of making passive aggressive comments.” 

You watch the confusion spread across his face, as he leans over to take your hands out of your sink, where the shards were still lying against the drain. You pull your hands back, pressing them into your sides as you can feel your searing growing in your chest - in anger, irritation, hurt.

“Hey, what happened? You could never annoy me, peaches. I was just teasing you.” 

You shake your head, pressing the heels of your hands against your eyes. No. You were not going to cry in front of him. 

“Hey, hey. Talk to me. What happened?”

“You happened. I’m not something for you to laugh at Eren. I have feelings too, you know?” 

You push past him, swiping your things off the counter, and slamming your door shut behind you. You feel bad about it, leaving him there when he was just trying to comfort you. But that’s just the thing. The hand that burned you can’t make it better, can it?

- 

next part linked here

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pls let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!!! just reply to this post or leave ur @ in my asks box :D

[mayuichi]

She wants to trust you. Give her reasons trust you. Give her reasons be happy.

Furina x Reader

Warnings: None beside archon quest spoilers (kinda?? i think)! Fluff fic because I want to give Furina some deserved affection :(

Lys' note: i wrote that during the night (started around 4am it's now 7:30 I guess I won't sleep zbfozjfo), i hope furina isn't too ooc :( I love that cutie sm she deserves love and no one can change my mind. well i've finished rambling eNJOY THE FIC!! 🩷

Official arts from Genshin Impact!

Now that the Hydro dragon, Neuvillette, has become the new Archon of Fontaine, he has many things to worry about. Worries for his people, and his new role. He couldn't find time to check on Furina yet. So he falls you to his office. Being someone who already shared many tea parties with her, he humbly requests for you to go see her.

You don't have to be asked twice. Furina and you weren't close friends, yet.. you feel the need to be here for her. After her trial, where everyone has been against her, she couldn't actually be fine.

Of course, knowing no more of fontainians has dissolved makes her happy, but at what cost? You yourself have felt betrayed when the verdict fell upon her. She has never been the true Archon is the end. But she never deserved a death sentence.

Finding her still alive made a weight come off your shoulders, and yet... You felt a knot in your stomach. Why did you felt sorry for her at that time?

Enough questioning.

You are at her doorstep now. Hesitantly knocking, you wait for a potential answer. But no one answers. You could swear she would've been here. Why wasn't she? Panic runs through your veins. You shake your head. It isn't the time to think of the worst, isn't it?

You sigh, crossing your arms. Today has no performance, nor trials. So perhaps... She went to the Opera House? It wouldn't be surprising, but you wonder why would she be there. In any case, there is only one way to figure it out.

It's a long road until there, but you make it anyway. You'd do anything to know how she's doing. Despite not having much of a good.. friend. You haven't visited her or tried to check up on her before Neuvillette's request.

Perhaps she wouldn't even trust you.

Shaky steps, you make your way to the inside of the Opera House. You take in a deep breath before opening the doors leading to the stage. There she stands, oblivious to your presence.

Gracefully dancing alone, in the empty scene. No one to look at her, no one to say anything to her, no one to blame her. Humming to herself a soft, yet melancholic melody, a tune bringing up to the surface all the pain she has always felt.

You can't tear your eyes away from the sight of her. Carefully approaching, cautious to not make any sound. It's like watching a broken puppet putting on her last show. Despite the grace she has, some of her movements were... Hesitant. As if her mind is on fire.

Tripping on her feet, she falls on her hands and knees, quiet sobs filling the silent room. Her shoulders shruddering under each cries, her tears falling from her cheeks to crash onto the wooden stage. She is just a mess, overthinking everything she has done those past hundreds of years.

“What if things could've been different... Have I done my job right...„ she wonders. Such a painful sight for you to witness. You glance away, taking a few more steps. “Lady Furina...„

Her head snaps up, eyes filled with tears as she tries to crawl back. “What... What are you doing here?!„ she croaks out.

The once almighty and theatric Furina is now reduced to be a shadow of herself, in the exact same room where her people has left her. You sigh quietly, climbing onto the stage and kneel at her level.

“You don't need to stay alone, Lady Furina.„ you whisper softly. You know your words might be insignificant, especially considering her state, but if you could just... “No need to keep the lady... After all, now you all know..„

You felt pity for her. For everything that has happened. “You know.. No one hates you. You've never tried to bring bad things. You were just...„ “Lost...„ she mutters under her breath.

“Yeah.. as much as we were.„ you try to reach out and place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she pushes it away. “I don't need anyone's pity.„ she growls out. Perhaps she doesn't need pity, but she clearly needs someone.

“I don't pity you. I truly want to be here for you.„ you smile, leaning your head closer to her, sitting right in front of her. “... Why?„ she inquires. “Well...„

You chuckle softly as she doesn't seem to remember anything. “Haven't you always listened to my issues back when we would have tea parties?„ you tilt your head on the side, keeping your gaze on her. “Well it-.. it was just a mere formality! Who, as a supposed Archon, wouldn't listen to one of her people's problems?„

You shake your head. You know there is more than that. But pressuring her right now isn't a good idea. Instead, you creep closer, until you could wrap your arm around her shoulder and let her rest her head against you.

“You do not have any reason to tell me what troubles your mind. Yet, I wish you are aware you can share anything to me. Your secrets are safe within those walls.„ you reassure her. It might not work, but at least she now knows she can lean on you if she needs.

Staying in that position for a little while, you gently rub her arm in a comforting way. She looks up at you, and suddenly asks what you feared.

“... Why didn't you came earlier?„ you have no true answers to that. You felt betrayed, lost, unsure. Everything and nothing flooded your mind at that right moment. “I'm sorry. I don't have any answer to give you. I'm to blame. But I do care for you. I never thought we would be friends from tea parties alone, but we can still be close. A confident, someone to share your burdens with. I'd love to be that person to you, if you want me to.„

She doesn't say anything more. She just processes your words in silence. And you don't mind it. If this could give her some peace of mind, you'll gladly stay this way.

“... I have never asked to carry such a burden.„ you snap your head towards her, unsure of what she means. You just wait for her to keep going.

“When she told me I just had to wait until an important and life changing trial, I... I never thought she was speaking of my own. I never felt so lost in my entire existence. My own people, going against me... I now know it was for the best, but...„

Her voice cracks. Tears sting in her eyes again, threatening to fall down. She is trying with all her might to not let them fall as she goes on.

“It hurts. It hurts like hell. I've lived through everything, and even now it still hurts. Will fontainians ever forgive me for lying to them? Does Neuvillette will forgive me? I've tried for so long to find a solution. We've lost so many people.„

You feel a sudden urge to shield her in your arms from all the cruelty. But it's too late, she already felt too much of it to ever forget. Yet it doesn't stop you from wrapping your arms around her petite frame, placing your chin on top of her head.

“I've tried. I've tried everything I could! I never wanted to see anyone dissolve! I spent days and nights searching for a solution, only for.. that...„ she lowers her head, hiding her tears as best as she could.

“Monsieur Neuvillette has never been upset. He is just busy. As for the people... I am sure they understand now. They can't be mad at someone who tried so hard to save them for all those years.„ you try to reassure her, but even yourself don't know how to do. How to comfort someone who had to lie for so long, to hide her true feelings and not even feel capable to share her burdens to the renowned traveler?

You feel helpless. Perhaps you aren't the one made for comforting her. But you want to try. To try no matter what. “You loved us. With all your heart. You have tried everything, at the cost of your own happiness, being eaten day by day.„

Your heart aches for her. You want to be there, to help her. To just... Let her be happy once again. She hides everything behind a facade. But every facade breaks at some point...

“Let me be the one for you. Let me show you how this world can bring many discoveries, how it can still give hopes and joy. Let me... Let me give you the happiness you're craving.„

She tilts her head up. Her eyes... It's empty. Filled with despair and pain. She's aching for love, to finally be happy and carefree. But there's also a tiny... Extremely tiny twinkle. A sparkle of hope igniting at your words. She wants to believe you, to trust you.

She wants to trust you. Give her reasons trust you. Give her reasons be happy.

She cracks a faint and weak smile to you, hesitantly reaching to take your hand in her. “... You promise to not leave me?„ she's scared. Terrified of another pain. But the passion in your eyes, the love your heart holds for her... It couldn't be faked.

“I promise. But you have to live on. Let your past behind. Don't let it haunt you...„ she doesn't know how to do that. She never knew. Placing a hand on her head to gently stroke her hair. “It's okay if you don't do it now. We will go step by step. At your own rhythm.„

You stand up, helping her stand as well, as you snake an arm around her waist to keep her close. “Now, let's go see Neuvillette. He is worried sick he hasn't seen you in days.„

Walking slowly to the aquabus, you sit together in silence. No words need to be spoken. Not when she sees how much love you want to give to her.

You arrive at the Palais Mermonia. Everyone is a little uneasy to see Furina after she excluded herself either in her home or the empty Opera House. Entering the Palais, you let her knock on Neuvillette's office's door. But no one answers.

She is about to grab your hand to tell you you should go, but instead, you knock again, clearing your throat. “Monsieur Neuvillette, it's me.„ recognising your voice, he tells you to enter, and so you do.

Furina hides behind your back, but Neuvillette could see her attire. He sighs in relief upon seeing her, smiling. “I am pleased to see you are doing okay, Lady Furina.„

She doesn't answer. “... Don't mind her silence. She took a while before talking to me. But I can assure you she'll be okay.„ you explain in a hurry, not wanting to offend the new Archon. “I never doubted it. She is in good hands with you. Why would I have asked you to see her otherwise?„

A weak smile spreads on your lips as you look behind to see Furina. You nudge against her, pushing her in front of his desk. “Eeep!„ her eyes widen. She's like an animal caught in a trap. She feels slightly betrayed that you make her face him, but it just makes him laugh.

“Well, I suppose she is indeed not talkative anymore...„ Neuvillette teases gently, his eyes gazing back to the papers. “I- I am talkative!„ you raise an eyebrow. Neither of you believe her words. But it just makes you laugh.

You walk closer to her, cupping her cheeks in your hands as your nose almost touch her. “It's okay. I'll show you how it feels to be loved. Let's just give us some time.„

You then proceed to walk away, under Neuvillette's gaze as he watches closely for Furina's reaction. Her cheeks flush bright red as she stares at your back before shouting.

“What do you mean give us some time?! There's no way I'd date someone like you!„ she hears you chuckle, and she knows she is now going to be teased.

“You're assuming things, ma très chère amie. I never said we would become a thing... Did I?„ you smirk, stopping in your track to watch her expression.

“You-! You implied it, imbécile!„ she runs to you, gently punching against your chest as she pouts. And then... You just lead her back home, promising her to come first thing tomorrow to go on a walk with her.

Perhaps you two will truly become something eventually.

/ᐠ - ˕ •マ Ⳋ mayuichi's property. do not copy, repost or translate without permission.

[icarusredwings]

kidwades opinion on Moana? you can do all of em if you want, but i’m specifically curious about logan’s kidwade!

- @laddies-rambles

So firstly, Nessa's Wade is definitely the type to stare wide-eyed and with a small triangle mouth when there is singing or water scenes. He especially likes baby moana, and if Ness lets him, he'll put his hands on the screen and sit up a bit more excitedly. "Baby?" He'll ask her because he didn't really yap, so he's more of a gabber, very few actual words but a lot of huffs, sighs, whines, grunts, etc. She has come to learn "Be easy with her. She's little" gets his hands off the tv and he sits back on his knees with his hands in his lap. Wades undying love for children is so strong that even as his smallest self he still wants to keep them safe. It's so cute though to see him shift around excitedly and full out giggle at the baby scene every time though.

In all honesty it breaks Vanessa's heart considering they were supposed to start a family but now that isn't such a good idea. They've already had a long talk about it while he was big and as much as it broke him, he didn't want to risk their child having any mental issues or problems like him incase they ended up being genetic.

Logan's wade, much like Al's wade, thinks of her grandmother as Al and cries every single time. The movie is a huge range of emotions for him so sometimes can stress him out more depending how little he is today, you will see him tear up, make a pouting grunting noise and then run off to find Al. He hugs her and curls up with her, rambling that he doesn't want her to die and that it's not fair for her to leave him forever. This is usually when Logan would intervene if Al was persay- Sleeping and then jumped on for snuggles, Logan would have to pull him away and comfort him. He's already (MISTAKENLY) tried to explain the concept of death to him while he was like this, and it made things WAY worse. Like WAAAAYYY worse.

So now- He's learned to skip this part.

"Kid, Look over there!!!" *skips this entire scene*

"What?" "Aw shucks I thought I saw something. Oh well." And he never notices really that it's skipped. It's never a good idea to let such a little mind with multiple opinions linger on such a big thought for long. Other then that though, he ADORES the water scenes and it makes Logan question if he should take him to the beach but then remembers that he cant swim and gets a bit upset about that.

Poolveriness' Wade is just as same obsessed with the water scenes but is actually able to handle the entire movie, understanding the powers that moana has and that this movie is "Very girl power" as he says. He also likes the green earthly woman and the sparkly crab. Sometimes, he will vocal stem. "I ate my grandma."

He heavily enjoys watching her walk through the water and such and tells them that she's "Princess jesus"

[ma4chestier]

watched haikyuu dumpster battle yesterday and BOY do i fricking LOVE VOLLEYBALL

spoilers ahead!

the way kenma's "keep interesting" was portrayed was waaay better than expected, like, i knew it was a tense moment between kenma and hinata but when he said it in the movie i pissed my pants that was SCARY AS HELL

Kenma you will always be famous

AND FUCKING KUROO. I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH. I letarlly screamed when he laughed at the end

Its a shame i get to see it in a country were it isnt very popular, since i was the only lunatic who screamed the whole time, i was shushed twice and almost got kicked out of the theaters.

Bitch its the premier!!?!? Of fucking haikyuu?!!? The dumpster battle??!!?! The match i have been waiting to see animated since 2018!?!!??! LET ME BE HAPPY

Ngl i cryed real tears when kageyama put the ball up for hinata and said "now fly", it was fantastic

I managed to conivnce some friends to go with me and i actually punched them out of excitement every time anyone recieved the ball in a rally, im really sorry guys

I remember being told that furudate used to make horror mangas and IT SHOWS, when i read the match for the first time i got goosebumps in a whole bunch of panels, and the movie MADE THOSE PANELS PERFECT IM SHAKING

AND THE WAY KENMA WAS PANTING AND SHAKING AND THE SCENE CHANGED!!??!??! OH MY FUCKING GOOOODDDD

And daishou at the end- that was a gift from heaven, thank you very much

The only thing i wouldve wanted more of the movie it would be the coaches backstories, the real shit

Like, nekomata and ukkei friendship was jsut so fucking wholesome they were besties and rivals and they pushed each other to their limits and motivated each other and they never got to play a real match against each ither in high school so they became coaches and their schools were rivals and they were PEAK and then ukkai got sick and nekomata retired just to both of them be back in play, and then ukkai getting sick again and keishin taking his place and THE FRICKING HANDSHAKE DID HAPOEN AND I SCREAMED AND CRIED AND SHOUTED AND AND AND I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THEM

Aaaaaaaaaa this was supposed to be shorter but im way too excited about this freaks playing volleyball to not say the least. I think ive never done a post this long. Or a post in general, i just repost shit, thats the blog's name lol

Anyways, bokuaka canon and i can die happy now

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hihi could i request a tadc x reader who cries from anger when she's too angry?

TADC cast x reader who cries when angry!

late post for tonight! admin isnt sure how much theyre going to write tonight since theyre sleepy but they still have art stuff they need to work on... sobs.... ill try to make up for it by writing tomorrow! similar post

CAINE:

takes you away from the scene, swiftly giving out an excuse to try to keep your dignity in tact. i think hes the type to rationalize; or at least the best an ai can do, as well as trying to give you a peptalk. he seems like the type to give peptalks, i think..! gives you a handkerchief that he probably has tucked away in there... somewhere.. if not he just. makes one. i think it would be reasonable to believe he can do that. generally does try his best to uplift you but due to him being new to complex funky emotions he can be a little.. eh.. definitely takes some time; lets you do what you need to do to get your feelings out. cry, vent, punch some drywall, sleep, ect ect

POMNI:

oh honey... oh silly, shes so so lost. in the post linked above shes awkward and vaguely uncomfortable when people cry... and i think this would be even more prominent with angry crying because youre dealing with an entire blow out, you know? i think she follows a similar route, though; tries to ask you whats wrong and try patting your back... which may or may not work, i think it depends on the reader..! sometimes soothing back pats can do wonders, you know! i think she would try to ask you what had happened; and though she cant offer the... best comfort or solutions, she does at least try to listen

RAGATHA:

queen of comfort, she lets you do whatever you need to do. like caine i do think she would give you a handkerchief, likely one that she has made herself. hehehe cute patterns ueue.... back on track, i think she would also get mad on your behalf if someone had upset you, or something totally unfair had happened. the shared anger can either make things worse or make you feel like youre not alone; i think this would depend on a case by case basis, you know? takes you off to the side away from prying eyes so no one can see your tears... speaks in very hushed words trying to calm you down even if shes getting angry for you... as level headed as i tend to write ragatha, i think she would be a fairly empathetic person

JAX:

probably the one who pushed you that far in the first place, though i think this is more likely in the beginning since hes still gauging what your limits are... you know since his whole thing is being an annoyance... so hes a little surprised when you finally blow up. it gets. really awkward. because usually people just cry or get mad, never really both. kind of just stands there before trying to defuse the situation, but hes so not used to actually having to be responsible that he kind of sucks at first. overtime, though, i think he gets better... though to be fair he knows your limits and kind of lets up on you, even more so if you guys actually romantically get together... generally very lost and tense because "oh.. wow i actually kind of feel just a little bad"

KINGER:

oh no...! are you hurt? did someone hurt you? did you hurt yourself? whats wrong? whats happening? hes immediately swarming to you as soon as your eyes start watering, and thats assuming hes not already rushing to your side as soon as he sees you just slightly getting upset... this man worries about you enough as is, but it ramps up when youre unhappy. oh course, he takes you to the pillowfort, and even lets you scream in a pillow while he watches in bewilderment and tries to decipher what happened. probably asks you straight up what happened and if youre okay, even if the second question is a little dumb and obvious, but hey... .this man is all over the place right now... lets you stay in his pillowfort as long as you need. obligatory soothing back pats only dads can muster

ZOOBLE:

doesnt outwardly react much the first few seconds, at most you probably see their eyes widen. but if theres someone actively making you upset, or even unintentionally making you upset actually... i think zooble would step in and put a stop to the nonsense. very. harshly. like snappy, you know? does a little scoff before walking away with you, they seem like a scoffer

thinks

doesnt do much in terms of comfort outside of leading you to their room where you guys just chill and listen to music. theyre not oblivious enough to ask the obvious, but they do probably ask in their own way later on if youre feeling any better once some time has passed... not much comment on the tears

GANGLE:

honestly she probably starts crying a little too, be it from shock or from being empathetic to your feelings.... maybe both... hmm... i would say she tries to stand up for you but i just know that it would fail miserably and would likely end in her being down in the dumps... unless she actually truly loses her shit and goes off on someone, akin to the "the devil shivers when a nice guys loses his temper" but instead of a redditor its some sensitive ribbon person losing their marbles. buuuuuuuuut as much as i love the visual of gangle absolutely going off on someone (cough cough jax) i just dont know if shes actually capable of it, at least not as she currently is judging by the pilot... probably tries to tug you away from the scene... lets you make vent art in her room, even leaves so you have some privacy to do so and/or lends you some of her art supplies

[happysparklingshadows]

𝚅𝚊𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚎𝚛 + 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝 (’96)

Warnings: Gore, Smut, Melodramatic fights, mentions of a mommy kink, and mature themes. 

Note: Vanessa Palmer is my wife and my favorite yellowjacket! I just want her to be mine in so many ways lol! I hope you all like it! @zhivaxo​ @g1rlsriot

                            *.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Van is very affectionate in her love for you. She loves to hold your hand, puts her hand on the small of your back, links pinkies, maps shapes on your arms and back, she fixes your hair just to touch the soft strands. Her hands are always on you. She kisses you whenever possible and just wants to be there with you. Because Van is autistic (our collective headcannon), she gets into things so much and can’t help it. She gets rough in sex without meaning to or realizing it, you can sometimes hear her overthink when she touches you, and she doesn’t do anything. She freaks out when your feet or her feet touch each other, and she doesn’t like the feeling of cuddling when she falls asleep. She will cuddle you but turn away when she goes to bed because it’s not how you fall asleep.  I also think some bonding time with her would be watching new shows and sharing media to talk about. Funny enough, sometimes you fight about characters more than actual relationship stuff. 

Blood: How messy are they willing to get regarding their darling?

Van will do anything for you. She is very aggressive and feral out in the woods. Think of Shauna’s postpartum hallucination where they eat her baby and van SNARLS! Van is very loving and gives off overthinking golden retriever energy, but Van is very in touch with her animalistic part to her. Pre-crash, I think they would go into fights for you, but nothing bloody.  She would do anything for you after the first winter in the wilderness. She will hunt whoever, she will kill whoever threatens you, and she is willing to be hunted if it means you would be fed. The thought of being inside of you forever comforted Van.  

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Van would never abduct you. The worst they would do is trap you in a room with them by standing at the door and stopping you from leaving in a fight or something. Van would not mock you at all, she hates condescension so much because of her mother, so she just tries to calm you down to talk about whatever is starting the fight. She can’t handle you being mad at her and can’t stand you being away from her.  

“Fuck off, Van!” 

“No! You’re not leaving before we talk about it!” 

“I don’t want to talk about it-” 

“WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE THIS ISN'T US!” She screams at you with tears in her eyes. She moves her weight from foot to foot and waves her hands frustratedly. “What do you want from me?” 

“I want to be away from you right now! I can’t do this-” You sob as you try, and she stops you again. You groan in frustration and let out a whine of annoyance in your angry sadness at the stupid fight over nothing. 

“NO! (Y/n) Stop. Please. Please.” Van begs in her cries, she wraps her arms around you, and she hugs you with dear life. She doesn’t have any support anywhere. Her parents are shit, and her friends don’t know about her being gay in a homophobic town; she only has you as her light. You bury your face in her neck and cry; you are overwhelmed and tired. You let Vanessa win. 

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Van wants to be good to you and loves you as best she can, but sometimes what is good for you isn’t what you want. That is okay. Van is willing to ensure you are in order behind the scenes. Van will take people out of your life for you, and if they are a problem, she has no problem getting in trouble for punching the shit out of them. If Vanessa feels like a friend is getting too close or someone is taking her away, she will beat them to a bloody pulp, tells them to never speak to her again, and says that she will do worse if they rat. In the wilderness, she will just evolve, and she will make a co-dependent relationship with you to the point there are no threats out there in the woods outside of you getting picked for the hunt. Funny enough, Van was more relaxed in some ways because of the wilderness and trusting the girls she was with not to take you; so much more energy she has now because she doesn’t helicopter you 24/7 with 90s tech. 

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Vanessa is very bare and vulnerable with her lover. She doesn’t have much of a filter once you are inside her walls. She hasn’t had many inside of there and the ones who have hurt her deeply. Wine stains and cigarette burns from her parents and whispers from girls behind her in classes about how she is “dykey, right? No boys ever ask her out, and she never tries with them.” And you are the first to hold and nurture her without any motives outside of wanting to love yourself. Dating Pre-crash, she tells you all her thoughts about shows she masked all day and her special interests; she tells you about her mom and her emotions. She does have problems crying infront of others and being seen by others. 

In the wilderness, Van vents her frustrations and gossip with you. Lowkey Van is a quiet bully with you about other people. It’s fun because Van would die if someone ever heard her and felt horrible about it. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because that was a line in the sand. Like beating someone up or hunting is one thing, but messing with emotions is horrible. Van cries to you at night, crying because she misses her shitty mom and shitty dad and her shitty house. She hides her face in your breasts and cries as you pet her hair. She needs extra love because she is still very soft despite having a rough upbringing. 

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Van would shut down and hide away. She doesn’t want to push you away further by reacting, and she has disassociation as her trauma response, and she just leaves her body for a long time. Van just gives herself space, and that gives you space. She doesn’t like being away from you, but sometimes, tensions grow from being around too much in a relationship. 

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No. Van doesn’t play games with her heart or with you because this is fucking real. This is the most healthy and comforting relationship Van has ever had, and she will not let you go without a fight. She would let you go if you broke up with her, but she would try to win you back. She gives you space even if it kills her. She will win you back. 

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

I feel like with Van, and the worst things would be typical screaming fights when you are young adults and figuring things out. 

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Vanessa incisions you two getting married, living in New York by central park, and having some kids. Vanessa has a more traditional idea about what she wants out of romance and you. She takes things very seriously under the surface. Van in the wilderness thinks about rings she will get for you when you are saved, she knows she will never want anyone else, and she knows she will make sure you will want anyone else. She wants to claim you in the ways she was raised with. Van thinks getting married is a fuck you to Republicans who would meltdown at the thought of two women marrying. 

Van lays on her side beside you in the cabin’s attic, it’s cold, but Van is enough for you as you both try to fall asleep. Van’s jade eyes watch your face as you try to go to sleep, and she blurts out, “Will you marry me?” 

You’re eyes pop open, and you look at her in surprise. Two women getting married was insane in normal 1996 America, a world you wished to be a part of again, but these could happen inside the wilderness that traps you. “Van, we can’t get married.” 

“Yes, we can.” She said back, determined as she cupped your cheek, looking deeper into your eyes. “I want you to be my wife.” 

“Van, I would love to be your wife, but we can’t get married in Jersey! We must move to San Francisco or Hawaii to get married.” 

“Then, we’ll move to Hawaii, Care Bear.” She says to you as she cuddles into your chest. She closes her eyes and breathes in your scent. “I love you, and I only want you.” 

You’re eyes well with tears as you happily cuddled her back and said, “I will marry you. I will do anything for you, Vanessa. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

She gets jealous but is very good at masking her feelings enough to bite her tongue. Don’t get me wrong, if someone was hitting you or making you uncomfortable, and she would not hesitate to confront them. Vanessa primarily manifests her jealousy in the dirty whispers and vice grip on you when you two are alone. 

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Van is a supportive and goofy girlfriend who wears her heart on her sleeve. She is very much a golden retriever girlfriend and just wants to make you happy. She spends time with you as much as she can and always has a hand on you; she likes to praise you when you do good things! She is possessive and vocally says intense things sometimes, but overall a wonderful girlfriend. 10/10

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Van would be somewhat shy, and she would follow you around almost like a puppy. She approaches you in a way that seems like she just wants to befriend you, but quickly, things would become sexual and romantic. She doesn’t know anything about you or why there is this pull for her to get you. Becoming a couple would take a few weeks of being friends. 

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from how they act around everyone else?

Somewhat. Van has had to meet the more primal parts of herself and the selfish inner human instincts we all thought could be fought with logic and morals. Van is very aggressive and Territorial. She is a murderer but does it all because she was pushed to that point. I think Van is masking her Yandere behaviors very well to the point you couldn’t tell, but it’s more open afterward. And you kind of like that in the brutal wilderness. 

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Van isn’t someone in the relationship to punish anyone because she doesn’t like to punish. When Van is unhappy with you, she shows it clearly on her face but just tries to ignore her anger with you. She doesn’t like feeling this way. She gives cold shoulder and snippy comments that she doesn’t even mean to say. The worst punishment would be getting into a screaming fight together like an average couple. 

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Only a few. Vanessa would give you standard monogamous rules and doesn’t like you giving other people attention in a way that seems like the attention you give her. 

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Van is very patient because of how her mother was all her childhood. She doesn’t mind things others can’t stand, and she has had to tolerate worse than an 18-year-old girl expressing emotions. 

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Van would straight up never move on and would even give up. Simply a shell and doesn’t have the will to live on when the sun goes away. Everything is dark with her only light, especially in the isolated woods where Van is trapped without you. Van would become Shauna in the show, tbh. 

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Van wouldn’t ever abduct you, but she has no regrets about the bloodshed she spilled for you. Never. Van would let you break up and get back with her because she knows she will always win you back somehow. 

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Childhood. This need for someone to validate and love her comes from her distance and abusive relationship with her alcoholic mother. She always felt like she would never be good enough and never be loved because if her mother didn’t care, how could anyone? When Van first feels the safety and warmth of your arms and love, she never wants to let you go. She is paranoid and scared at times people will steal her away or she will grow to not love her. 

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Van comforts you and tries her fucking best, man. Van doesn’t mind being a shoulder to cry on for you. She doesn’t mind being a punching bag when you scream and doesn’t mind giving you space if she can see you. Isolating in the wilderness, Van is so chill. Isolating pre-crash, Van is so not chill. 

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic Yandere?

Van is like Shauna in the way they are chill and okay with their darling having their own life and being able to leave them. Van does understand how ordinary love is and knows that she is somewhat crazy, but she doesn’t think she is that bad. But she is crazy territorial and possessive during and after the events of the wilderness. 

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit to escape?

Three words: words, pets, and boobs. Van’s favorite spot in the world is in your breasts as you pet her hair and say sweet words to her. It’s kinda like giving her some motheringly affection she has never had; she thinks it’s some kind of magic in your heartbeats. She loves your breasts and finds a lot of comfort in them. Just coo at her and pet her. You will get whatever you want. 

She hums in the valley between your breasts, her cheek rests against your left breast, and she kisses the other. She looks up at you with her green eyes and sighs, “You’re perfect.” 

“What? No way, van-” You giggle at her, pushing her away from your naked body from how tender she sounded. 

“You are, Care bear! I love you!” She giggles back and kisses your breasts, and she bites down on the fattie flesh as she moans in pleasure of feeling the skin in her mouth. She then moves to suck onto your nipples again, as if it was her guilty pleasure in sex. 

You bite a moan in your lip as you arch your back to the sensitive feeling of her sucking onto your breast. Her thick finger slides down your down hotly as she starts to pound into you again with her palm. 

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Van tries not to, but she is just a human being in a relationship with you. It’s bound to happen, and words are shared that hurt the other, not intentionally. Van doesn’t mean to leave marks from her bites, kisses, and touches, but sometimes it happens. She would never intend to hurt you in any way. 

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Van worships you like you are an angel; she will prey on you and ask for forgiveness for her bloodshed. It always is because you were fed and alive. You love her, which seems unworldly to her, and she will keep you as long as possible. She will not stop until she has you or to get you back after a breakup. 

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

After a few weeks, she puts her moves on very quickly, even though she only has cheesy jokes and autistic rizz. 

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not in any way outside of breaking your back with her strap. 

Yandere Level

6/10 (She tries her hardest to hide these dark tendencies and isn’t the best at not showing her motives for keeping you. But she is so cute and sweet that it doesn’t show much of a problem.)   

Freedom Level

9/10 (You are free, but Van tends to follow you.)

Taissa ✿   Misty

[mikuni14]

Phee and Tan sitting in a tree P-L-O-T-T-I-N-G 🥳

I already rewatched episodes 1-4 once, when it turned out that Phee knew Non, and I even joked that when it turns out that he was working with Tan (there were already theories that Tan was New), I would have to watch these episodes ONCE AGAIN 😄 Not that I'm complaining! I love this series and when I like a series, I love coming back to it. I was going to do it now, especially after episode 10, where the characters were behaving weirdly, but after reading @tbhimnoteasyonmyself fantastic post, I don't have to do it anymore (although I still plan to, maybe after the finale?) because everything is written there 😍

While watching Phee's telling his story to Jin, illustrated with his scenes with Tan and SCENES OF TAN HIMSELF, I kept thinking, wait a minute. What? This is his story, why is he telling shit about Tan, where's his version? Later someone pointed out, that so far, the series has shown events as they are. And yet, suddenly we have a story, and only from one POV. And this story surprisingly whitewashes Phee and makes Tan a monster.

There's a lot that can be said about Phee, but I never got the impression that he was a coward, that he would gossip about someone he was so close to, just like that, even with Non he wasn't a petty bitch. No matter how angry Phee was at Tan, his pretty much nasty behavior as a friend, exposing him to Jin and then the rest of the crew, was completely ooc. And who would he do it for? For them? His "friends"? Are we sure Phee considers them "friends"?

That's why I watched episode 10 again, and the second time it seemed even more strange and raised a lot of questions. Like that scene in the temple:

how easily Phee accuses Tan. He thinks that Tan created a whole complex and based on a series of random coincidences, yet effective plan to kill Por, he thinks that Tan killed Deng by stretching a wire in broad daylight when someone could have noticed him, he thinks that Tan planned another complicated, based on a series of random coincidences, and yet a super effective action with a scooter, luring Top to the temple, poisoning him, hypnotizing him and sending him home to kill people???

Phee talks the most about Tan, portraying him as the biggest threat, and then starts telling a tearful story, "you don't know what I did", "it's all my fault", "I was so terrible towards Non". What's interesting is that Phee doesn't cry in this scene (at least I don't see any tears, although the lighting isn't good), and as we know, Phee cries easily when he's in pain

what effect does Phee achieve? JIN CONFESSES

TA DA! 🥳🎉🏆

what is Phee's reaction to this - a sigh that sounds like a mix of relief and triumph. And disbelief.

another interesting fact: Phee reacts the same way as to Non's "betrayal", at first he seems unable to believe what he hears, then he starts to pace around furiously, trying to control himself. The only difference is that Jin, unlike Non, does not fuel his anger by staying quiet..

During this time, Tan:

tries to calm Tee down, he wants White to take his gun 🤔

interestingly, later he doesn't stop Fluke when he has a gun! 😏

When Phee and Jin show up at home:

Phee informs everyone that Tan is Non's brother and that he WANTS REVENGE

REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE IS HIGH 🚨

Phee creates an atmosphere of threat, revenge that they deserve, and that it's about Non

REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE IS HIGH 🚨🚨

and what's happening? Phee conveniently doesn't have to say more about Tan and Non, because right after that Fluke takes action, steals the gun, has hallucinations, and kills Top

REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE IS HIGH, they just saw a murder, emotions are running high and they feel trapped 🚨🚨🚨

I watched Tan because I love him from that moment on, he is very pleased with the development of events, he is not angry with Phee at all, Phee also suddenly forgets that Tan was supposed to be the biggest monster and a threat

they both actually behave as if they were playing roles, they recite their lines like they're children in a school play, they play the good cop and the bad cop?

what is the effect of all this: TEE FINALLY STARTS TELLING THE TRUTH!!! 🥳🎉🏆

So I have to ask: How were Phee and Tan supposed to get information about Non after getting the boys high on the first night at the party, as Phee said to Jin? They were supposed to be having a great time and then suddenly Phee and Tan would start questioning them about Non and they would just... blurt out everything? 😆 When did Phee and Tan start getting information? NOW.

So, isn't it the case that Phee and Tan rightly guessed that only Tee could know what happened to Non, because the only one capable of making someone disappear is his uncle? There's a lot to be said about the other guys, but they probably don't have the ability, strength, or stomach to "disappear" a person. Probably not even Tee, but he may have something else: INFORMATION.

Did Phee betray Tan in this ep? I'm 99% sure not. They both watch calmly as the rest of the "friends" accuse each other. Phee pays special attention to Tan AND to Tee:

Isn't the most important thing for them (or for Tan especially) is discovering the truth that Tee knows, and the rest is just an accidental casualty of their war? Jin may be important to Phee, who might even want to protect him... but maybe not? Maybe Phee has a moral problem with all of this, but he doesn't feel morally better to stop Tan, seeing what all their "friends" started has led to, and even though he doesn't agree with him, he won't bother him?

(While watching episode 10 again, I also noticed this:

The shadow in the left corner was moving, it looked like there was someone else in the temple with Tan and Top. Non? Perth? Or maybe that woman Keng was working with?)

EDIT: so what I'm trying to say is that Phee and Tan could work together and manipulate others to obtain information about Non, regardless of the costs, and in Tan's case even enjoying the "costs". At least I would like it to be so 😉

Of course, I may see something that isn't there, want to see something more, have too high expectations of DFF. I'm pretty sure that's not the case, but like my dear friend @italianpersonwithashippersheart I've also seen too many good shows that screwed up the ending... But I still have hope 😚 DFF maintained a high standard for me throughout its 10 episodes. Even if they fuck up the ending, even if everything that surprised me in this episode turns out to be me cosplaying Fluke and seeing things that aren't there (and cosplaying Top, because I'm hypnotized by Tan), it's still 10 episodes of excellent content 💖

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

OFMD S2 EP 4-5: Izzy Hands (from a S1 Izzy fan)

I'll admit. I teared up at the Izzy shit in ep 1-3. Not a full-blown cry. But close. I was stressed, and tired, and hurt more than anything. I only cried in my car driving home. It hit, but it was more prolonged.

Do you know what got me crying? Izzy opened that letter, revealing 'For The New Unicorn'. He looks up and smiles. I went from 0-100 dry eyes to crying in seconds. I had to rewatch it because HELL.

The entire episode, hell, debatably from (S1ep4) we see Izzy go through it. Socially isolated and losing his identity. Leading up to S2ep4. Drunk and sad and heartbroken. He tries his best to stay afloat without a lifejacket as his self crumbles around him. He doesn't care anymore. He thinks his life is over. He lashes out because there's no one there to help him.

BUT THEN THE LEG. He cried and I cried during both scenes.

BECAUSE HE IS CARED ABOUT AND HE CAN HEAL!

GOD, and the way that leads into EPISODE 5. Izzy slicked his hair back and regaining some of his own personal identity. Izzy genuinely bantering with Stede, and gently helping him to be a better Captain. The way he desperately asks Stede if Ed said anything else nice about him? Showing that. Yeah, he's not all the way there yet, but he's working on it. The training scene where Izzy just looks on in fascinated horror at Stede's skills? THE LITTE OKAY HANDSIGNAL AT THE END WHEN STEDE USED HIS GRUFF VOICE? He smiles, and jokes, and TRIES. Izzy is pissed, obviously, but he's getting there.

He is kind and caring, all WHILE STILL BEING A PRICK? Him being a total nerd during the curse monologue? Izzy mutters 'rude' and pointedly crosses his legs as Stede ruins the vibe. I laughed harder at Izzy sitting at that desk than I did at most of the jokes in the show. THAT'S MY FUCKING BASTARD!! I'm so happy I saw a character and have been rewarded by showing, yes. He is kind, and trying, but he needs to learn to let himself become new.

I fucking love him. I can tell from the teaser that Izzy is just going to grow closer with the crew (and with himself) and I can't wait. (Even if it means his imminent capture, whoops).

I do think they'll do something with Izzy/Lucius, at least a single happy (Izzy no longer holding himself back from wanting) consensual kiss or genuine discussion about life(post-wedding) to show their growth as characters because I had to pause with the cig and shark interaction. Jesus Christ. I didn't really ship it before, but they are so snarky and it's great.

I'm a bit sad as Izzy's current arc likely means he might not get the big 'fuck you' moment of anger to Ed that Lucius got. Mainly because Con would make me cry, but If Izzy is genuinely just shoving this shit down, ignoring the years that Ed ignored his existence, then...idk.

They purposefully gave Izzy and Ed no scenes and thank god we get a TINY break. Because Ed will try to patch things up, and I don't think it works like that with Izzy. He needs proof that Ed is trying. Add to that Ed ACTUALLY saying sorry to him, and not expecting Izzy to immediately accept it(my theory as to why Lucius pointed it out: Ed will ACTUALLY say sorry to Izzy and mean it. This will heal something for Izzy, and hell). I can't wait for Ed to come back and see him. See him for who he is, a silly prick who is loyal to a fault, who is loved.

This is likely the happiest two episodes we'll get, and fuck, I loved them both SO MUCH. After a rewatch I'll write about the crew. Ed/Stede is actually working for me as we watch them both learn, and Fuck, Lucius/Pete...my darlings.

NOW FOR THE TEASER:

THE IDEA OF SEEING CON IN DRAG AGAIN MAKES ME SO HAPPY! Especially what it means for Izzy. Izzy lets his hair down and has fun with Wee John as he explores what actually makes him happy. Hell, him opening up to being a bit of a masochist as a joke while tied up is...actually my favorite thing (while obvious, given his propensity to put Ed before him in all matters, Izzy casually mentioning 'I like to be roughed a bit up' in front of the crew is the type of openness about himself that I crave). Izzy "cocksuckers" Hands letting himself joke about SEX-GAY SEX(probably)- Kill me now.

(To clarify: I don't think he or Ed ever got off to the abuse, hell, we see Ed flinch away when Anne/Mary do it. That's not the face of someone who knows what that's like as the Sadist).

I just love the way Izzy has so obviously relaxed into a person that he'd never let exist. Hell. I hope Izzy gets to rub this happier version of himself RIGHT in Edward's sad face. I need a 'he was never like this with me' moment of Ed watching Izzy SMILE to parallel Izzy's jealousy in S1.

Con obviously loves this character, you can see it in the performance. He fills the role perfectly, from his ups to his downs. Con smiles and hell, that's not Con, that's Izzy fucking Hands. Striding along proudly pretending his world isn't changing, because it is, and he is healing and I LOVE IT.

I am so proud of our growing Izzy loving community. For some, we've been through a lot of shit. Probably in life, and hell, maybe even in this fandom. Even if you haven't been harassed, you loved Izzy, you saw yourself in him, and I hope you felt the show giving us a big fucking hug.

We grow, we recover, and hell. We get a happy fucking ending (with a few yet-to-be-seen bumps in the road).

[rahuratna]

I finished watching JJK Season 2 Ep. 18, and it is literally not okay. I take foreverrrr when I watch a new series because I *have to* savor every moment of it. Anyways, I finished Ep. 17 on July 2, so I purposely prolonged the next episode until after Nanami’s birthday since I knew what was going to happen but ended up procrastinating longer than intended…

I’m in literal tears right now and won’t sleep well for the next three nights. This is like the hardest I’ve ever cried for a character in forever 😭 😭

Can we discuss everything Nanami talked about on that episode? I’m sorry if I’m not clear in explaining my thoughts, the enormity of the loss of a fictional man feels incredibly real. I need more closure, and I am going to be rereading your fics too after for some much needed comfort ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Nanami expressed his exhaustion. He was so tired. He wanted to go to Malaysia and read the books he meant to read but never had the time for. Instead he chose to “[come] back over some vague reason like a job worth doing.” Here he was confiding to Haibara about his purpose, one of the biggest motifs in JJK. It feels so raw and human, how Nanami has such simple and peaceful desires but he chose to give them up without a clear reason. Did he regret it? Did Nanami have a fulfilling life? Did he sacrifice too much?

(Speaking of regrets, have you watched Attack on Titan? It’s such a big theme in that show and I can’t help but draw parallels.)

Even though he said that he did enough (more than enough I believe), he followed this up with wondering how Fushiguro and Maki and Naobito were doing. It’s like an oxymoron. The implications here… I’m actually not okay 🥹. I think this means he had fulfilled his role as a jujutsu sorcerer, but it wasn’t enough to save all of his friends. He’d always continue to look out for them. Nanami cares so much and wants to protect them, and I think this answers my first question: he didn’t regret it in the end because he did the best he could. I don’t want to come off as overlooking all of Nanami’s losses and setbacks… I just want to know if Nanami’s fulfillment, his search for his enough, outweighed all of his sacrifices. That’s the closure I’m looking for.

Rest in peace, Nanami. I wish I could tell him that he was more than enough and beyond everything we could ever ask for. I learned so much from his character, and without him, I wouldn’t have such wonderful discussions with wonderful people. 💙💙🕊️🏝️

Oh my God, that episode destroyed me. I also had to take some time to process what had happened to a character who I genuinely loved and admired so much.

I think what hurts the most is that Nanami had such simple desires. He wanted to live his simple life and enjoy little pleasures, but his desire to protect and serve others, the way his heart was all-encompassing of these few people he cared about, really led him down a different path. He cared about the world. He cared about the younger generation. He cared about his colleagues and friends and he was such a kind and genuine person. This is what makes his death all the harder to cope with.

I also wondered, for so long, why the reasons surrounding his return to being a sorcerer were so vague. The part where he expresses how 'exhausted' he was was very significant to me. The flashbacks to his time as a salaryman, and also the way he deals with Haibara's death, show a common theme. He was always tired. Tired of having to live in a world where selfishness and greed is rewarded, tired of having to run in a meaningless rat race to achieve the small peace he so desired, exhausted by all the burdens placed on the shoulders of jujutsu sorcerers, on HIS shoulders.

What you mentioned really is the answer. He was exhausted, but for a much longer time than just in the scene leading up to his death. In that scene, he asks 'haven't I done enough?' in a way that's heartbreakingly plaintive, and to me, almost childlike in its simplicity. Yes, he'd done more than enough. He knew it. And yet, his own conscience, his own body, would not let him run from duty, from the people who he felt needed him.

If the timing has been slightly different, maybe Yuuji arriving earlier, or Nanami missing Mahito, then we could speculate on what may have occurred. Maybe he would have survived, if badly injured. Maybe he would have retired and found the life he always wanted. But his duty to the world of sorcery, since his life was empty of true purpose, would probably always have sucked him back in.

On the question of regret, I know exactly what you mean. There's too much for me to put in one post, but I will say this. The only occasions when Nanami appeared truly at peace, or when he actually smiled, were occasions when he was in mortal danger (like being trapped in Mahito's domain in their second fight at the school). When he takes his glasses off and remains so cool, looks so peaceful even, he says that he has no regrets, because he chose to live a life where he could use his skills to help people. He says that their gratitude is all he needs, implying that he defines himself by how much he can help others.

I think, at the end, that Nanami's exhausted plea was the cry of a human being, as if to a parent or deity. Why me? Why do I have to suffer like this? Everyone asks that question at some point. In his case, he answers that immediately by wondering about the safety of the others. I do think that Nanami would have wanted, desperately, that peaceful life for himself. I think he would have, as an ordinary man, harbored resentment and questioned why he had to give up so much for a corrupt and greed-driven world. What he didn't regret was saving the people who he cared about, the people who inhabit that world, and that thought gives me some peace. 🧡🧡💛💛

I have watched AoT, so let me know your thoughts about sacrifice, too, and the parallels you draw. I'd love to hear them!

[yumedoca]

I've finished the episode and I am literally crying. No, this is not an exaggeration, I am actually crying and I don't think I've literally straight up cried for an episode like this since 'Since your parting' and I'm crying much more than I cried back then. It was beautiful, thank you David Productions, it was perfect. It is now my favorite story in the remake now (it was already my favorite in the manga anyways).

I've already analyzed the story entirely here but I want to talk more about my favorite bits and addition in the remake (and other stuff)..

Nozomi's diary entry at the start was done so beautifully. The vibe which comes across is so soft and innocent, perfectly showing of Nozomi's pure heart. The soft coloring, the music, how they showed the writing, her voice acting (and the snow globe 😭) It honestly felt like I was watching another anime..

Speaking of the music, it seems like they made new BGM for this episode and let's just say, it's perfect..

..and the animation quality is just superb..

Oh my gosh, the way Nozomi becomes sad when he's unable to hold her hand... poor Nozomi :'(

Ataru commenting on how the scarf has his initial on it. As an artist, I can say it make people really happy when someone else points out the details in their work so I'm sure it made Nozomi really happy too..

Also, I love the colors for everything Nozomi made. I think it's a combo of the of original anime and manga's versions, which is very cute.

I love the addition of people not being able to see Nozomi, making Ataru seem like a loon. It makes him look stupid (while also wearing winter accessories during summer) but he doesn't care..

The whole date is so damn cute by the way, I think I was already tearing up by this point..

The whole moment where Nozomi was in the dark, I was literally screaming for Ataru to come out and be with her cuz I couldn't stand seeing her like that.. the poor girl..

Nozomi's soft smile as she rests in peace.. and now I'm crying again...

One detail I love which isn't remake original is how proud Sakura and Cherry are of Ataru after the date, like they didn't have much faith in him about him not breaking her heart at first but now they are very much proud of him..

"I'm gonna keep it on a little longer."

YEAH I AM NOT OKAY

The way Lum looks at him in the final scene.. You just know this is when she fell in love with him all over again..

"Maybe I should become a ghost too."

"What? Don't be stupid."

😭😭😭

Yup, I'm crying the second time after rewatching it (for writing this post)..

This is actually now one of my favorite episodes of all time now, no kidding. Ataru Moroboshi, you very sweet boy, I love you so very much..

[smolthealmighty]

Spinaraki Week 4 Day 5: Cutscene

Counting Scales Instead of Stars

Memories flash and recollections crash as Deku and Shigaraki fight, their experiences unwittingly shared as extensions of One for All's vestige world. One memory in particular brings the conflict to a halt.

“Sometimes when I’m trying to calm down, I’ll count your scales,” Tomura Shigaraki blurted.

“You do?” asked Spinner.

“Yeah,” Tomura Shigaraki replied.

Well, the Tomura Shigaraki in this memory he meant, not the actual one who was watching the scene too. Izuku was still trying to wrap his head around the dual memory-sharing shenanigans that had taken over this battle, but unlike many of the other scenes from Shigaraki’s life, this memory seemed to truly put the fight on hold.

“I’m the kind of guy who tends to get stuck on what makes me upset,” Memory Shigaraki explained to Spinner, “The second something goes wrong or I have to deal with some rage-inducing bullshit, I can’t stop thinking about it even after it’s over and done with. I’d bet good money on it starting with Master’s insistence that I hold all my negative emotions and experiences close to my heart.”

“The fuck kind of advice it that?” Memory Spinner remarked, and Izuku had to agree with him on that point. If that’s how Shigaraki was raised, then it was no wonder he became a walking “ball of hate”, and Izuku feared about what else All For One filled his head with.

“Kept me alive and kicking out of pure spite when I was younger at least,” Memory Shigaraki placated, as if that made it any better, “But yeah, not as useful when trying to manage other people just as messed up as I am.”

“I know the league is weird, but hey!” Memory Spinner reacted, pretending to be more offended than he actually was.

Memory Shigaraki let Spinner have his fun before he got back to the topic at hand, and Izuku couldn’t help but notice the difference between the maniacal smile Shigaraki always wore in battle and the small yet warm one on his face in this memory.

“Kurogiri used to encourage me to count floorboards or snack wrappers when I’d get in a really bad mood, called it ‘grounding’ or something. And I guess at some point after leaving the old bar I found myself counting your scales instead.”

“Well, does it help?” Spinner probed.

“I’d say so,” Memory Shigaraki gladly answered. “The number of floorboards and trash was finite, but I haven’t been able to finish counting your scales. The fact that their iridescence can be easily distracting when they reflect whatever light source is around helps too, makes me lose count ‘cause I get sidetracked while committing the sight to memory.”

Memory Spinner blushed at that but didn’t turn away, leaving Izuku to question if it meant Shigaraki eliciting that kind of response from Spinner was a regular occurrence.

“… Is my body really that nice to look at?”

“I think you’re a nice sight in general. So, I guess what I mean to say is that I could look at you forever.”

Well shoot, now Izuku was blushing in second-hand embarrassment.

“Thanks,” Spinner beamed, “You’re nice to look at too.”

“Objectively wrong but okay.”

Izuku watched the two lean into each other as they burst into laughter, the joyful sounds slowly fading away along with the scene.

“I was still trying to count all of them you know,” Tomura broke the silence. The hero turned to look at him, the real Tomura, taking in the fond expression on his face... only to watch in alarm as it changed into one of remorse. It was all he could do to not breakdown with Tomura as a cascade of all the tears he’d never cried dripped down his face.

“I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t regret much, but fuck… I really wish I found the time to find out the total. I wasn’t finished counting them. I wasn’t finished.”