#i have no idea how this happened. but i have motivation and determination and i feel like i can change my life for the better now. if i try

[thealexchen]

thoughts on LIS: Double Exposure?

This is probably gonna be my hottest take in awhile, but: I deeply dislike the idea of an official LiS1 direct sequel game existing. Excluding all my thoughts on the gameplay, story, Max's character, etc. I don't think a game like Double Exposure is necessary.

This isn't a new take either; back in 2020 I made a Reddit post saying I was glad we never got a continuation of Max and Chloe's story, because in order to have a plot, you have to have conflict. And to have conflict means your characters are forced to change or struggle in some way, and I simply wasn't interested in seeing that again. I never even read the comics. As long as Max and Chloe's future existed only in the fanbase's collective imagination and not in an officially licensed game, Pricefield could be as happy as I wanted and I wouldn't have to witness DN or D9's version of canon.

A lot of fans, including myself, are also confused and upset as to where Chloe could be in Double Exposure. Even if Chloe winds up having a surprise role, it would likely be too logistically difficult to write Chloe into one version of the story and not the other. Either way, DE is strongly pointing to Chloe no longer being the deuteragonist. If D9 was going to make a direct sequel with Max and Chloe, I could at least be intrigued by how they might write their dynamic and how they'd use Max's power in new and interesting ways. But instead there's... none of that. Chloe's nowhere to be seen and Max can't time travel anymore.

On a narrative level, Max and Chloe are the heart of the original Life is Strange. They represent the game's central relationship, and their very first interaction (Max saving Chloe's life) kicks off the entire story. Throughout the story, their dynamic advances the plot and mutually motivates their character arcs. You can't have LiS1 without either Max or Chloe; the story simply wouldn't exist without them. Now in DE, they don't even seem to be in each other's lives anymore. It's true, this series is meant to reflect universal feelings and experiences, which could include breakups, but the romantic catharsis of Pricefield as canon soulmates who defied time and space itself to stay together forever is something you can only get from the beauty of fiction. To jab DE's story with a dose of reality and go, "Eh, they grew apart. Shit happens," totally undermines everything the Bae ending stood for.

On a technical level, Max's rewind was an objectively brilliant game mechanic. LiS1 arrived onto the scene after Telltale had paved the way for the resurgence of choice-based, episodic games, but LiS1 totally reinvented the wheel by giving the player the option to go back and weigh each option before continuing, essentially save-scumming in-game. But the right choice was never that easy to determine, and Rewind brilliantly complemented Max's character arc of overcoming her indecision and learning to live with her choices. Not to mention, you could also use Rewind to solve puzzles, instead of the endless fetch quests the later games had. No other LiS game since then has given the player that kind of agency and interactivity. LiS2 had telekinesis, but the player couldn't use it, only Daniel. D9 tried with Backtalk and Empathy, but Max's Rewind was truly the narrative and gameplay jackpot that they haven't been able to recreate since.

So if you take away one half of the central relationship that made the first game so memorable, and the supernatural power/game mechanic that made it so fun to play... why even bring Max back at all? It just feels like D9 threw away their golden opportunity to build upon the major selling points of the first game and are only relying on name recognition of the Life is Strange "brand" and Max Caulfield.

What upsets me most of all about a direct sequel existing is that it proves that Life is Strange, as a series, now stands more for profits than originality. Life is Strange will always be an IP meant to make money for Square, I know that, but back when LiS1 was just a brand new episodic game, it stood out for how different it dared to be. In a landscape saturated with shooters, sexualized female characters, and casual misogyny, LiS1 instead featured a teenage girl in a contemporary setting that took her seriously and made her the hero of her story. Before it was a franchise, LiS wasn't concerned with the bottom dollar; it was a piece of art that just wanted to tell a thoughtful, unique story.

Whether you love it or hate it, Life is Strange 2 was an insanely risky follow-up to Life is Strange that refused to rely on the convenience of a direct sequel because Dontnod stuck to their artistic vision. Meanwhile, all of Deck Nine's games have leaned on the first game's following to generate interest (BtS being a direct prequel, TC bringing back Steph, and Wavelengths expanding on Steph's connection to Chloe, Rachel, and Arcadia Bay). In other words, all of the subsequent LiS games by D9 have played it very, very safe. It's worked like a damn charm because there are still elements I love about each game, but the basic principle is nostalgia-baiting fans. It's just that now, Double Exposure isn't hiding that nostalgia bait at all anymore and prioritizing profits over telling a unique story. It's sad to see that LiS has strayed so far from its risky, daring, original, and unique artistic beginnings.

Before I end, I'll say that I can't be too cynical about it all, nor do I want to be. Because I can't deny how much joy this whole series has brought me, too. LiS was what got me into narrative adventure games and pushed the boundaries of what a video game could be. If nothing else, I am truly thrilled that Hannah Telle got the chance to play Max again. D9's always been great at maintaining relationships with their actors, and the casts of their games always have consistently great chemistry. Getting recognized by Erika Mori on my own blog is still unbelievable and speaks to the amazing community that LiS has built. As you can see, I'm still posting and reblogging stuff about Double Exposure. And while I don't see myself buying or playing this game for myself, I know it'll keep all of us talking for awhile, and I still live for a good discussion.

Thank you for asking! And thank you for reading.

[inbarfink]

One common Undertale misconception that really frustrates me is when Sans is portrayed with a strong innate sense for RESETs and alternative timelines. Like, that he remembers the RESET timelines better than the other characters who only have occasional feelings of deja vu or even that he can sense when a timeline is RESET.

And that’s, like, almost the opposite of the actual text of the game. While pretty much every main character can have slightly-different dialogue in a Not-True-RESET, especially if the Player had previously befriended them, based on the idea that they have lingering memories/feelings from before the RESET - 

Sans has no real dialogue changes based on this conceit. All of his changes are based around noticing Frisk has different reactions based on their memories of the precious timelines. 

Other characters do also make observations like that about Frisk, like Mettaton and Toriel. But Sans is distinctive because this is the only way his comments change between RESETs and there are a lot of them from him.

Because that is what really frustrates me about this misconception. People mention it as one more thing that makes Sans cool - but the actual truth is far more badass. Sans is one of the people in the Underground who remembers RESETs the least. I think memory-resistance to RESETs is probably tied to Determination. Flowey, the second-most Determined person in the Underground after Frisk, can remember everything perfectly.

Everyone else has some vague feelings and deja vus. And Sans, he’s the least motivated person in the Underground - both in the sense he’s lazy and in the sense he’s fucking depressed.

That probably means he has very little Determination. Thus, he doesn’t remember anything that happens between RESETs.

And yet, he is still the character most aware of them. Because he has the technological know-how to read and analyze timelines.

And because he has the observation and analytical skill to notice a RESET from other people’s reactions and behavior. Whatever it’s Papyrus thinking he recognizes someone or Frisk’s behavior implying that they know something they shouldn’t have. Sans main RESET-related skill is just being able to identify these moments and come to the correct conclusion about them. And with that he manages to be the most aware character in the entire Underground.

Like, the one point where it might seem like Sans remembers something from a previous Timeline is the Fake Spare scene during his boss battle. 

But it’s all pretend. Unlike the previous lines from other characters that I mentioned, this dialogue plays even if the Murder Route is the first time the player touched the game. Sans isn’t remembering anything in this scene. But he makes an educated guess that the Immoral Time God probably tried using their powers for good at first, so they were likely ‘friends’ in a previous timeline. And in most cases, his guess is right on the money - tricking many players into thinking this is another case of the game actually reacting to their past actions.

And as always, Sans can only tell if his lil’ trick worked or not based on the expression of the Player Character.

Arguably, Sans even uses his lack of Determination and cross-RESET memory to his advantage in his boss battle. After all, the whole point of this fight isn’t to kill the Player - Sans understands this is impossible. This is a war of attrition, trying to get the Player so frustrated and annoyed with the unfair fight that they just ragequit or RESET the Timeline. And this war of the Player’s patience versus Sans’ stamina and will is infinitely easier for him when he doesn’t actually perceive all the Player’s previous attempts against him.

Like, for the Player this might be the billion time they go up against him, they’re aware of some of his patterns and tricks now but they’re probably also frustrated and angry and exhausted. Meanwhile, from Sans’ POV, this is still the first time this is happening. He knows it’s not from the Player’s behavior and Frisk’s expression - but he doesn’t feel it like the Player does. 

He doesn’t feel the frustration and repetition of the endless stalemate. So he’s always as fresh as a daisy no matter how rugged the Player is getting.

And that’s part of why Sans is so cool in the first place, like, in general. He’s technically the weakest person in the Underground, lacking in every standard evaluation of power in the setting - no ATK, no DEF, no HP, no DETERMINATION. But he’s darn clever enough to overcome these weaknesses and even use them in ways that make them into strengths, enough to be one of the most dangerous and most aware guys in this whole setting.

Sans can’t remember anything, and that makes him awesome.

[ot3]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere

What is it, and why you should read it.

(Art by purple)

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere is a currently updating webserial by author Lurina. It's one of my favorite things I've read in a long while and I'd like to convince you all to give it a chance.

My elevator pitch is this: A time-loop murder mystery directly inspired by Umineko, with a lot of similar vibes to the Locked Tomb Trilogy - partially due to it's meditations on grief and mortality and partially due to it's far-future magical sci-fi world where we follow a fucked up lesbian necromancer on a task she is determined to see through to the end. A deeply complex, unique, and believable world that plays hosts to one of the best interpersonal dynamics I've read.

In a future so far-flung that it is past the heat death of the universe, humanity has constructed a new society that is post-scarcity but not post-stratification. Utsushikome of Fusai is one amongst a class of prodigious young medical arcanists (essentially grad students) who are invited to visit a recently legitimized conclave of top-of-the-line researchers studying immortality. Accompanying Su is her best friend Ran, a fellow arcanist. Over the course of the novel we begin to slowly unravel exactly what ulterior motives have brought them to this conclave and how events in their childhoods and years of working toward their shared goal has warped their relationship into what we now see. This relationship is the crown jewel of Flower's narrative, and getting to peel back the layers of it as you read is a delight.

Like Umineko, Flower is a murder mystery that prevents itself with in-universe Rules that dictate the murders' parameters, meaning there's a lot to chew on for anyone who likes solving mysteries. For those that don't, like myself, Flower offers instead a richly developed world and plenty of open questions about the sociopolitical and metaphysical implications of its own worldbuilding.

Below the cut, I'll go into more detail about the series (without spoilers!) for those of you whose interest has been piqued.

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere is currently ongoing, updating every few weeks. It's several hundred thousand words, so if you're looking for something substantial to keep you entertained, you've got it. As you might expect from the length, the pacing is decently slow. I don't see this as a bad thing at all, because within this pacing Lurina dripfeeds the readers enough new and interesting information at a regular rate that it never feels like your time is being wasted. But if you can't handle slow burns, I wouldn't recommend this one for you.

If you enjoyed the Zero Escape series and liked that they stopped solving murder puzzles to infodump about fringe science, I think you'll get a lot out of Flower. Characters are frequently interrupting their life-or-death scenarios to have lofty, philosophical and political discussions. It's a ton of fun if you like reading characters argue.

'People have to sleep.' 'People have to work.' 'People have to die.' But those were just vague rules, phrasing I'd used because it had been easier in the context of that conversation. What really mattered, on the day-to-day level, was the idea that it was all for something. If someone invented a elixir that made people not to need to sleep, it would, in retrospect, recontextualize all nights everyone ever wasted sleeping as wastes of time. Not something that occurred for some inherent purpose, but whims of circumstance, a tragedy of when you happened to be born. If you accepted that all unfair things in the world could be removed, if only someone knew how - fatigue, labor, death - then to exist in the world we had now, with all its grotesque imperfections, was to know that you had been violated by fate.

Along those lines it's just got a sense of humor I really enjoy. Pretty dry and cavalier. It manages to keep the mood light without feeling like it's undermining it's own stakes. I'm particularly fond of Su's penchant for telling incredibly depressing suicide jokes that just Do Not Land.

The peer pressure cut into me like a hot knife. I hesitated a little, biting my lip. "Well, uh, okay. I'll just tell a quick one." I swallowed, my mind quickly scrambling. "Okay, so, there's a woman who runs a dispensary for second hand goods. She sees a man come in who's a regular customer. He's kind of a mess-- Has a big beard, a bad complexion. He buys a razor, and tells her he needs it to clean himself up, because he has a date." I could see that I now had Ophelia's attention and that Kam was looking pleased with herself, but Ran was watching me, too. I could see the look in her eyes. It screamed at me, with such vividity that it could be sold at an art gallery: You better not be telling a suicide joke right now, or we're going to have a talk. But it was too late. The wheels were already in motion.

As I mentioned up top, the relationship between Ran and Su is just one of my favorite interpersonal dynamics ever. Period. The author is playing some insanely complicated 5th dimensional yuri chess and I am absolutely here for it as someone who likes characters who are deeply devoted to each other in a way that is deeply deeply fraught. I cant emphasize enough how obsessed I am with what they have going on.

Additionally, as stated, the worldbuilding in Flower is top tier. The author clearly understands how every part of her world functions, which makes the moral quandaries and politics presented all the more impactful because they're very believable. It's hard to talk about Flower's world without spoiling too much of the specifics that get slowly revealed, but it doesn't fall back on any typical sci-fi standard fare and feels like a breath of fresh air amongst recycled and repetitive worldbuilding tropes.

A lot of really fun side characters. Strong voices for all of the supporting cast (♥♥Kamrusepa♥♥) and even though not every character gets their own arc, they all clearly have plenty of interiority. Once again, another thing that makes Flower feel very believable despite it's absurdities.

Autism

"Did you notice anything out of the ordinary with anyone?" She eyed him. "Anyone who seemed tense?" "Saoite, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but half of our class is so autistic that they constantly seem tense. You might as well ask me to find a specific turd in a sewer." "Just answer the question, please," she replied flatly.

Guys it's really good just trust me I don't want to spoil you for the more intricate plot beats but they're doing some crazy shit here. It's never a bad time to support an independent author's project. If you're sick of corporate mass-media and stuff needing to be marketable, getting into independent works owned and supported by individual creators is a great way to push back against that. I highly recommend it.

[pickingupmymercedes]

Hi! I love your account. Sm. Like a lot. Would you be interested in writing something for lewis where he casually mentions in his gq interview that he has a longtime gf or wife. Or he recalls a memory of them introducing roscoe to her dog or cat?

Thank you so so much for the ask bestie! I drabbled something short, hope you like it ❤️.

PS: I'm still not over that interview btw, he's such a complex person and I'm so glad he's letting us see this side to him (a LVFH type of thing is something only someone like him could pull it off)

_____________________________________________________________

Lewis Hamilton’s drive to continually innovate and push the boundaries of his sport stems from a dual motivation. Firstly, he is determined to challenge and break the often conservative and traditional norms of Formula 1. Secondly, he is laying the groundwork for the latter part of his own illustrious career.

“I went through this phase of understanding that I can’t race forever,” he says, prompting him to cultivate those other passions. “Because when I stop, I’m gonna drop the mic and be happy.” “The difficult thing is I want to do everything,” he says, laughing. “I’m very ambitious. But I understand that you can’t do—actually, I take that back because I don’t believe in the word can’t. To be a master at something, there’s the 10,000 hours it takes. Obviously, I’ve done that in racing. There’s not enough time to master all of these different things.”

As our conversation progresses, Hamilton discloses that he has a kindred spirit who shares his compulsion to explore a myriad of interests. “I’m fortunate to have someone in my life who encourages me to embrace my spontaneous ideas and give them a shot. She might even be more adventurous than I am,” he chuckles. “She’s a bit of a jack-of-all-trades, and always so sure that you can dive into anything and learn as you go.” His eyes light up with admiration and affection as he speaks of her daring spirit.

The usually private Hamilton, who has been discreet about his long-term relationship, contrasts their differing approaches to life. “I need some more time to think things and really plan out how I want them to go. But she’s a jump now, ask later, so she’s most times hyping me to just try it. We balance each other. Sometimes I’m the strategist, and sometimes she’s the one taking the first bite.”

As for his future plans, apart from his endeavors in fashion and film, Hamilton prefers not to rush into anything. “She still has dreams she wants to pursue, so for now, I’m happy to be her supportive sidekick whenever I can. Perhaps in the future, when we both have more time our own family might be on the horizon, but not while I’m still racing.”

He quickly corrects himself though, referring to his bulldog, Roscoe, as his son, and introduces the adorable dachshund who frequently graces Roscoe’s Instagram posts. “My partner’s parents gifted her the little sausage dog a few years ago. Introducing them was a bit tricky as Tete is quite territorial. She wasn’t fond of me at first either, so Roscoe has a head start in winning her over. But now, Baguette gets along with everyone, and we can’t imagine our lives without her.”

Eager for more personal insights, I probe for updates on his personal life. However, when his response to my inquiry is, “Time will tell, when things happen we’ll make sure to update everyone when it feels right” I gracefully pivot to our next topic of discussion.

[random-twst-things]

The Sweet Painter of Twisted things (Pt. 1)

Hi annon! Love the concept. It's no bother at all, I do love to write after all!! Ty for the request and I apologize for taking so long 😭✨🍬 (I hope you like it!)

Characters involved: Riddle, Leona, Azul pt.1 (Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Idia, Malleus pt.2)

Pairings: Riddle, Leona, Azul pt 1 (Kalim, Jamil, Vil, Idia, Malleus x Female reader pt.2) (Separate)

Warnings: Mentions of eerie/gory paintings

Word count: 1,630

Notes: you know what? I'm just gonna post it now and finish the rest in a different post, I don't want y'all to be kept waiting any longer 😭✨🍬

More notes: I'll be posting Pt.2 whenever I have time! I will say though, I have no idea how to write for some of the characters in Pt.2 😀✨🍬

When you said you painted and wished to show him your art, Riddle had to admit he was a tad bit (a lot) excited to see

So, when you showed him your art he was absolutely bewildered.

You, the sweetest person he has ever had the chance in meeting, paints things that could cause nightmares.

Obviously, he isn't going to say that aloud, he has manners, but dear seven, how unexpected it was for him.

He's seen art before. He's been to museums by his mother to teach him strictly of the arts and the "rules" she put in place for them to determine how well a painting is.

It's been years since his mother taught him such things, and she only did it so often, and after time, those rules of art set by his mother have dwindled.

He's been able to go to museums before with Trey as a way to calm down when things are too much. Luckily, Trey was able to explain to Riddle how there are many forms of art and how it art doesn't necessarily have rules itself.

So it's safe to say he's a bit more well-versed in paintings now, even though he still finds it a bit difficult when there's no rules to follow (a habit hard to get rid of)

Now, his reaction all depends on what painting and image your showing him

He will ask you questions about why you would paint such uncanny things such as:

Why did you paint this? What caused you to begin painting such eerie things? What Inspiration were you given to paint this particular piece?

And many more questions about technique and practical things.

He can't say that he's a fan of these types of paintings, but he can say that he thinks you're very talented to be able to make such paintings

He'll praise how well done or real your painting(s) looks.

He's going to be a bit concerned about you, though, and he shows that by (trying to) subtly asking if you're okay

"What gave you the inspiration to draw this?" Riddle asks, the worry in his tone being quite evident even through his attempts in hiding it. "Have you witnessed such things for inspiration?" He asks again, his voice laced with even more worry than before.

"What? No!" You stand up from your seat to get closer to Riddle. "It's not like that," you laugh lightly, shaking your hands in the air. "I just happened to see a rotting piece of meat in the cafeteria kitchen one time while passing by."

Riddle breathes a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding in. Bro was stressing and worrying.

I say this in the nicest way possible to us all, but this man does not care but-!

Leona doesn't care in a sense like "I wanna show you something!" "Alright hurry it up and show me".

Maybe he's a bit smug that you're showing him something you like to do.

Anyways, when you said you wanted to show him your painting(s) he was being smug.

He didn't have any set expectations to what type of things you painted or what your style was.

Him seeing the eerie or gory painting didn't surprise him as much as Riddle either.

He doesn't have much to say, but this guy is still smug and is definitely showing it now.

Why? The guys got weird motives and definitions of respect and pride so we'll never know.

His does wonder how you acquired such Inspiration to paint like this.

He's not too curious about it to the point where he'll try to find out or becomes worried.

Again, he is smug and prideful but it's for you

He feels prideful FOR you. He's smug about you being able to paint such gory or eerie things FOR you.

(Bros so smitten with you)

You set your canvas/notebook down carefully against one of the plants nearby, careful not to get it dirty or damaged.

Leona lays there, back towards you, unbothered under the shade of a plant, but not for long as you bring your finger near his cheek and begin to poke.

Poke.

Poke.

PokePokePokePokePokePokePoke.

Leona swats your hand away, but not harshly. His tail swings left to right faster then he was asleep, another sign he's awake.

He looks at you, irked that you disturbed his so-called much needed nap. He glares at you, but his eyes lack the malice in them to even consider it threatening. You look at him innocently, hands behind your back as to show it wasn't you. (He knows better, only you would ever try to wake him up like that)

He sighs deeply. "What is it herbivore?" He asks as he shifts slightly to get into a more comfortable position to get a better view of you. You turn your body slightly to grab the canvas you set down behind you, careful not to accidentally show Leona just yet. "I wanna show you something," you beam, you're more excited then you thought you'd be showing him, for the first time, your most recent painting.

Leona's tail begins to swish even faster, thumping against the leaves of the plants nearby. His tail gives away that his curiosity has been piqued. Yet his face remains unchanged, besides the slight quirk of his eyebrow in questioning.

You turn the canvas around for Leona to see.

And there it is

The smirk

The smug

The eyes of pride *sound effects*

His smirk seems to widen even more as he looks at the painting and then back at you. "Looks nice herbivore, ya got anymore?"

You excitedly nod your head, "yeah, I do. Wanna see them?", you ask, gripping your painting, even more excited then before to show him.

Leona nods his head languidly while slowly closing his eyes, "sure, but after I finish this nap", he brings his arms down and begins to get comfortable. He softly pats his stomach, "Come, sleep".

Azul knows you paint, he knows it's been a hobby of yours for a while now.

How does he know? Doesn't matter. Does he know what exactly the contents of your paintings are? No

His curiosity has been eating away at him. He was so very curious on what his darling was capable of

So, when you first told him that you wished to show him your paintings, he was elated. His curiosity will finally be quelled.

He may or may not have a set expectations of what you paint. Something sweet, something calm or maybe something like he'd find at a museum of old paintings.

What he saw was the complete opposite to say the least.

He's not disappointed, no, he's just shocked.

He's amazed. He's taken aback. He's a lot of emotions.

.....would you be willing to, perhaps, sell these paintings? Many people out there would be willing to buy, and the profits would be even and-

Old habits die hard, I suppose 🤷🏽‍♀️

You led Azul by the hand to your room/drawing room, much slower than he would like as he wished to see your paintings as soon as possible.

"Azul, i can feel you twitching in anticipation just by holding your hand," you laughed lightly. He sighed, bringing his free hand to his temple to calm his nerves. "I'm sorry, dear, but it feels as if you're walking slower just to build up anticipation," "Maaaybeee~". Azul chuckles at your antics.

Finally, after Azuls definition of agonizing seconds. He visibly relaxed as he saw the covered canvas. "My, you really know how to keep me on my toes", ",I most certainly do". You left go of his hand and stand next to the covered canvas. "Ready?", you put your hands on the sheet. Azul held his breath and nodded.

You clench the cover and quickly pull it off. You turn to face Azul to gouge his reaction. That reaction was him frozen in place, still holding his breath (you'd begun to think how he still hasn't passed out) "Azul?" You try to call out to him.

He slowly walks up to your painting, still holding his breath. He reaches out and touches the edges of the canvas delicately, scared he we're to break it if he put too much pressure. You watch his careful movements. You watch as his eyes rake over your painting as if he could take the painting and store it into his memory box. "Azul?" You try calling out again, only this time he responds.

He let's out a shaky breath, "it looks -" he turns his head to fade you. "It looks magnificent, dear," his words were barely above a whisper. You stand there absolutely frozen and shocked. Nobody has ever quite thought this kind of painting would be 'magnificent' before.

"Really?" He turns his head back at the painting."Yes, the detail is vert intricate, and it feels so eerie. It's as if you were truly there." You stare at him bewildered, mouth slightly agape.

He puts his hand on his chin in a thinking position. The gears turn in his head. He turns to face you so quickly that you'd think he'd have snapped his neck on accident. "Have you ever considered selling these?" He asks, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Sell them?... No, I never really thought of that." You bring your fingers to your chin, now thinking as well. "Well, I'll say many would be lining up the door to buy these wonderful paintings!""Really?"

"Yes! With such talent and my business skills, we could -" and there goes the business man into his spiral of possibilities.

[madlori]

If the only thing you can lord over buddie is that bucktommy is canon, then you really didn't care at all about the ship.

7 seasons of being a family unit, being there for each other, having each other's back but hey! Here comes another underdeveloped love interest, but since it's a man this time, you don't care about Buck being stuck in the same hamster wheel, again, because he's kissing a man and that's hot 🙄

Also for all your doom and gloom about buddie not happening, do remember that Tommy/Eddie was an idea in Tim's mind at first, so Eddie can be read as queer, even if it's not in canon yet.

I guess you don't place much value on them being a family unit and always there for each other, and having each other's back...all of which is still true and will continue to BE true. But it's only important to you as a prelude to them kissing, right? It has no value in and of itself. I love their relationship. I love what they are to each other. But YOU are making me not want to see it, because every time they turn to each other, lean on each other, support each other, we have to listen to you shrieking BUDDIE CANON CONFIRMED or whatever, because to a certain genre of shipper (not all buddie shippers, etc) any interaction or feeling they have with each other exists only in service to the ship.

I swear to god, I'm gonna banish the phrase "hamster wheel" from y'all's mouths until I get an actual definition as to what you think it means, because from where I sit, to you it just means "he's with someone who's not Eddie." To me, it means that Buck continually fell bass-ackwards into relationships that weren't right for him, looking for something he wasn't even sure what it was. And heyyyyy, he's currently in a relationship that he actively chose and fought for, having learned something new and important about himself, with someone who makes him giddy and excited in a way we have never seen him be, who the people around him can see gives him contentment. But none of that matters, because it's not Eddie, and that is by definition his only appropriate partner, so he must still be on that hamster wheel. Also if we're going by creator intent here, Tim's said he wrote this relationship specifically to reflect Buck being off of it.

As for underdeveloped love interest? I wrote an entire ass essay about how MUCH we know about Tommy, and it's reams compared to anything we've ever known about Buck's girlfriends OR Eddie's current girlfriend who does not even have a last name. Tommy has been introduced in a way that integrates him with the 118, with multiple interests, a character arc of his own from his first appearance, a set of motivations and emotional arcs that are NOT about Buck, and something to actually offer in a relationship besides existing. Anyone saying he's underdeveloped is determined to read him as such, especially for the limited amount of time we've had him.

And I never said Eddie couldn't be read as queer. He can EASILY be read as queer. I said he WOULDN'T be. Those are two different things. If Tommy and Eddie had gotten together (which I give no more narrative weight to than Maddie and Eddie getting together, which was also a gleam in the eye at one point) I'd equally be saying that Buck would never be queer.

It's hilarious to me that I'm being accused of liking a ship because it's hot (it is, and I do, and that's...fine? there's nothing bad about that?) as if people enjoy Buddie because of the amorphous purity of it all and not at ALL because it's hot (it is and you should say so).

If my thoughts about this are so upsetting to you, just block me, dude. I promise I won't take it personally.

Also, just...learn to enjoy a ship whether it's canon or not. I've done it, we've all done it. It's not that hard, especially THIS ship, which has so much good stuff to it regardless of whether there's romance or not. Those of us who like Buck with Tommy are not taking away from you enjoying Buddie, or anyone doing so. It's not like...the State of Buddie will lose congressional representation if the population falls below a certain level. The existence of another ship does not affect yours.

[aphroditelovesu]

Can you do general headcanons for romantic yandere Clarisse la rue x reader? Thank you <3

❝ 🥀 — lady l: definitely! I hope you like these hcs, anon! Forgive me for any mistakes and good reading ❤️.

❝tw: obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of death, kidnapping and toxic relationships.

❝🥀pairing: yandere!clarisse la rue x gender neutral!reader.

Clarisse has never been the romantic type or cares about that kind of thing. She had other concerns than dating or something like that, she preferred to dedicate her time to other and more productive things. Her time was spent fighting and honing her skills. La Rue kept that thought in mind for a long time, until she laid her eyes on you.

At first glance, you seemed like just another demigod among many others she had already met. However, as you began to interact and she got to know more about you, something changed within her. There was something about you that attracted her and she knew she wanted more.

Gradually, Clarisse began to realize that perhaps there was more to life than simply fighting and honing her skills. You awakened a different curiosity in her, a desire to explore new experiences and feelings. You awakened feelings she had never felt before and she knew she wanted more. She knew she wanted you and she would have you.

When Clarisse finally acknowledged that she was in love, a series of conflicting emotions flooded her. She felt vulnerable and challenged, something completely new for someone so used to maintaining a facade of strength and independence. At the same time, she felt invigorated, as if she was finally discovering a part of herself that had been neglected for so long. And all thanks to you.

This revelation brought with it a feeling of euphoria mixed with fear. Euphoria from the overwhelming feeling that consumed her when she was near you, but fear of the unknown, of what could happen if she allowed herself to completely surrender to this new emotional territory. Clarisse was distraught at the thought of losing control but she wasn't going to let you get away.

As Clarisse's feelings for you intensified, she found herself in unfamiliar and challenging territory. The idea of ​​being in love made her uncomfortable and vulnerable, but at the same time excited and motivated. She never imagined that she could feel something so strong for someone, and it scared her a little at first.

She also saw in you a challenge, a goal, a prize to be won. And she would be the one to win you over. If she had competition, Clarisse would deal with them however she pleased. She would challenge them to a fight and, if they still didn't stay away from you, she would deal with them in a more definitive way. She does not want and will not accept having any type of competition for your love and attention.

And most of all, she was determined to win your heart and not let anyone else come between the two of you. You would be hers one way or another. She wouldn't like to have to force you to love her or do something against your will, but Clarisse isn't against using the strength she possesses against you if necessary.

Clarisse would be practical. After an exhausting workout, she took a shower and asked to talk to you. Fortunately, you already had a good relationship to make things easier.

When you were together, La Rue confessed how she felt about you. She let it all out in an awkward way, but she let it. You were swept away by her words and when you accepted your feelings, Clarisse blushed, she actually blushed. She pulled you into a passionate, possessive kiss and finally sealed her love, her obsession.

The relationship with her is suffocating and very unstable and this became clear very quickly. Clarisse was not clingy, but rather possessive and she will fight and threaten anyone who looks at you for longer than she deems necessary. She is very controlling of you and will demand to know where you are or what you are doing at all times. It became exhausting after a while.

She is a daughter of Ares and therefore is not against using violence to protect her relationship. She had you, someone she loved and cared for with her entire being, and she'll be damned if she let anyone try to take that away from her. You are hers alone and everyone will know that. Clarisse should be the only person in your life that you love and she will make sure of that. Your friends will have to go and your family will have to go. You don't need them while you have her.

You can't leave her. If you tried to break up with her, Gods be good. Clarisse will not allow it and will make absolutely sure that you understand this. Her first warning would be when your little mortal friend was brutally murdered during your summer break and the second would be when you woke up in a dark place and tied up.

You won't leave her, ever. Clarisse will make sure of that. You became hers the moment she started paying attention to you. This is all your fault, she will tell you. If you hadn't attracted her, this would never have happened. But don't worry, she will take great care of you. That's what good girlfriend's do, right?

[breelandwalker]

Witchcraft Exercise - Annual Review

The end of the old calendar year and the beginning of a new one are excellent times for reflection and recalibration. We do this in our mundane lives by making resolutions, setting new goals, starting new projects, and sketching out our schedule for the coming year. So why not do the same with your witchcraft!

As a journaling exercise, sit down and record how your journey has progressed over the past year. You can include things like spells you’ve cast, rituals you’ve performed, holidays you’ve celebrated, gatherings you attended, new ideas you’ve encountered or incorporated, important lessons learned, and any significant milestones you’ve achieved. It doesn’t have to be fully comprehensive or bite-by-bite - the level of detail is entirely up to you.

(If you’ve already performed the exercise Quantifying Your Craft, then you already have a place to start. If you haven’t, I do suggest doing that first to give yourself a clear set of data and pre-determined information to reference.)

Once you’ve recorded your progress, decide where you want to go next. What new goals will you set? What new subjects do you want to explore? What habits do you want to alter or adopt? Are there any new books you want to read? Places you want to visit? New methods or techniques you want to try? Dream big and then sketch out a path to get you there, or just decide where you want to go next. And don’t worry about accomplishing everything on the list in the span of a year. Whatever doesn’t get done in the short term can always become the seed of something you grow into over time.

Of course, this doesn’t necessarily have to be an exercise that happens exclusively at the beginning or end of a calendar year. You can (and should) review and recalibrate periodically throughout the year whenever you incorporate new information or new ideas or new processes into your practice. This can be done as frequently or infrequently as you feel the need, whether that be monthly or quarterly or annually or just once every few years. Pausing for reflection is a necessary part of any long-term path or project, and it is a good way to both measure your progress so far and decide how best to move forward.

One more thing - Don’t be too hard on yourself or feel like you haven’t accomplished enough or learned enough or progressed enough to be a “proper” witch. Don’t compare your craft to anyone else’s or measure your viability by another's rod. Your journey is your own and will proceed at its’ own pace. Periods of rest or recovery or low motivation or preoccupation with other concerns are going to be part of that. As long as you’re making an effort, you’re doing just fine.

Happy Witching!

Image Credit - Witch Workspace, by Mylène Richard

Want more witchcraft exercises? Check out the masterpost here.

(If you’re enjoying my content, please feel free to drop a little something in the tip jar, tune in to my monthly show Hex Positive on your favorite podcast app, or check out my published works on Amazon or in the Willow Wings Witch Shop. 😊)

[randomshyperson]

What They Will Say About Us - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots

Summary: A love from the past returns, and Wanda gets a second chance to make it right. But some decisions are easier in their concepts than in reality.

Warnings: milf!Wanda angst hours, implied internalized homophobia, hidden making out, attempts to Judaism references, and mentions of past relationships. | Words: 1.727k

A/N-> I blame the movie Disobedience and the song of the title name (by FINNEAS) for this one.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad

--//--

It was such a risky idea, honestly.

Wanda had no reason to be in the Synagogue this afternoon, other than her personal motivations of course, which came down to an old friend in town. 

The black sheep returns, she heard, from a good dozen people. It made her stomach turn. Wanda wishes she could have summoned the same courage as you, years before, and left everything behind. Fought her own father like you did and had the minimum of happiness like she imagines you found in New York.

Or at least, Wanda likes to believe so. When she thinks of your adolescents, stolen moments here and there, and how you left without hesitation, she must believe that what was out there was better. It made you happier, at least.

The Synagogue was crowded and it was too risky to look around that much. Wanda felt watched from all sides - whether it was Pietro and Crystal, or Erik and Natalya, she had the impression that all eyes were on her. As if everyone knew how much she wanted to stare at you.

Your presence there was noticed very easily and commented on by everyone. The choice of black clothes, the outrageous jeans for the traditional community, every strand of rebelliously messy hair. 

Everyone looked at you as if you were a crime against everything the faith stood for, but Wanda looked at you as if you were a masterpiece.

The small sarcastic smile as you mumbled Hebrew as you entered, the almost non-existent nod before ignoring your sister's simple request to take the seat next to her and avoid any commotion, your determined steps to the small group standing around having a conversation.

Every inch diminished between you two made Wanda's heart skip a beat.

"Shalom Adonai." You greeted, interrupting whatever conversation was going on between Wanda's family. She tried to disguise how much she was begging for your attention, but you caught every stolen glance, the smile at the corner of her lips getting harder to hide and bringing a warmth underneath her own dress. 

You were embraced by Natalya, tenderly, around the neck. She had always liked you, Wanda remembered. 

"Shalom Adonai, Y/N. It's so good to see you home, child." Said the woman so warmly that you almost felt bad for the lack of manners you were about to present.

"Yes, yes, it is good to be back. Would you guys mind if I talked to Wanda for a second?"

She knew she was blushing, and that it only made her father's disgusted expression worse. But something about the punk-rock attitude made them assume that you might cause a scene if you were denied, and Erik just nodded in agreement. 

You offered Wanda a smile, invading her personal space only to go around her, grabbing her hand in the process. 

She followed you through the halls to an empty room, as she would have followed you to New York if you repeated the invitation.

"Why are you being so shy and quiet?” Your question came on the way, hand in hand with her, when you turned your head for a moment. A tease followed before Wanda could answer. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

She chuckled through her nose, indignant at something so absurd. She had been happy to the point of barely sleeping properly for the past few days since the news that you were in town reached her house, and she longed for a visit that never happened. It was foolish to think that you would come to their parent's home, not when you were revisiting family after so long. But at least in the Synagogue, Wanda found you. Or the other way around.

You stopped walking in a dimly lit room, at the exit of a staircase that no one would pass after the meeting had begun. It was a cramped space that the younger ones used to hide from chores, that you, Wanda, and Pietro had used many times as teenagers.

You challenged her then. You loosened her hand to rummage in your pockets and took out a lighter and a different cigarette, wrapped in silk. It was only to elicit a reaction from the woman in front of you, who widened her eyes as if you were the devil itself and grabbed your hands.

"You can't-"

"I'm just messing with you, Princess." You retorted with an easy smile, shoving the items back into your pocket, and to the end of the other's sanity, your hands moved to hers again before Wanda could pull away completely. "You haven't changed a bit."

Her shaky breath tickled your cheek. 

"You did." She murmurs affectedly, looking at everything but your face, and mostly at your hands together. Your fingers playing with hers. "You cut your hair, and your clothes...it suits you."

You hum distractedly, Wanda has no idea it's because of her perfume. So many years, and she messes with you the same way. Licking your lips, you try to bring clarity to your own thoughts.

"I heard you were getting married." You state then, and Wanda has to look at you, frowning.

"What? How-? I-I-"

You chuckle, taking in every trace of the face you missed so much. "Your mother invited me to the engagement feast." You explain casually. "I dismissed an event, so imagine my surprise when I heard you dumped the guy's ass..."

Wanda bit back a smile, she shouldn't laugh at this. At the shame she had put her family through; the most rebellious act of her entire life, dismissing a rich, Jewish, and proper fiancé. Chosen by god and her parents.

"Sorry for the inconvenience in your schedule." She returns, teasing, her eyes sparkling the way they only get around you.

You smile, interlacing your fingers together and bringing an immediate wave of nervousness to the woman in front of you. The gentle tug lessened the distance.

"I just got through packing up and ran over here." You murmur then, a very sincere and vulnerable look in your eyes suddenly.

Wanda swallows dryly, her heart hammering. "Oh, really?"

Your smile didn't falter, but your eyes did. "Do you remember... what I told you when I left?"

Wanda could hear her heart in her ears. She nodded, and you moved her hands to your waist. She gasped, overwhelmed with the longing for you, with the love she had kept for so many years. Her burning face was hidden in your collarbone, and you chuckled, equally affected, you slipped your arms around her to reassure her.

"I said I'd come back at any second if there was a risk of losing you to anyone, Wands." You whispered against her, even as she confirmed that she remembered. "And here I am. I hope not too late."

She shook her head frantically, drawing another laugh. You were tormenting her after all, how audacious. Wanda grimaced, and brushed her lips against your neck first, enjoying the flinch, before sinking her teeth in your skin.

You whimpered, low against her ear. Wanda licked the bite and sucked until she had a mark and you were soft against her, melting.

"Wanda." You called out, and she pulled away in the same second, only to firm her mouth on yours. 

It was exactly as she remembered it, but even better. You tasted like peppermint candy and coffee, and it was too delicious for Wanda not to squeeze your sides and push you against the wall. 

Your tongue slid into hers until her head spun and her knees buckled. The sermon began downstairs, and the music drowned out any gasping sounds that escaped her lips.

Wanda took advantage of it.

You were out of breath when you let go, and your hair seemed wilder than before. Your hands were dangerously beneath her blouse, gripping her waist directly by the skin. The strong squeeze would be enough to mark, and Wanda would have to be careful about changing clothes at home.

"Run away with me." You gasped suddenly, and Wanda stopped breathing. 

She had a flashback, so many years before, where you were much younger and much more insecure, and she was terrified. And you asked the same question and began to cry as Wanda shook her head in the negative. 

"Detka..." She started uncertainly, not with the same fears as years ago, but with the same cowardice. 

You had changed more than she had, and your eyes were as firm as your tone.

"I have an apartment and a job." You reasoned, your hands releasing her waist to hold her face. "All the stability and security I couldn't give you at 17, I have it now. I got it all so I could be with you, princess. Run away with me, Wanda. Please."

Her eyes burned. "My family would hate me." And you knew it was true, yet you still loved Wanda the same way you did when you were seventeen.

"I would be your family." You assure her, caressing her cheeks tenderly. "And we...we could make a family of our own, too."

Wanda sobbed softly, returning to her original position, her face hidden in your collarbone. You almost began to cry too, but you busied yourself with holding her, smoothing her hair until you had her definitive answer.

"It's a beautiful dream, detka." She whispers against your skin, her arms tightening around you. "The best one there is."

You kissed the top of her head. "Let me make it come true, Wands."

She sobs, and the music there and low ends. Wanda needs to stop crying before someone comes to check, so she does so quickly, wiping away the tears and almost hiding them from you. 

"Reality would tear us apart." She declares, but you deny it with a nod, offering her a sad smile before moving closer to kiss her forehead. Wanda almost tugs you away, but like years ago, she flinches.

You sigh and face her in the eyes. "I wish you would dare to love me as I love you, Wanda."

Her gaze begs for sympathy, but you can't give it to her now. You turn your back on her and leave her alone on the staircase, and it's as if Wanda can hear the memories echoing in that space.

Maybe one day, she will find the courage to follow you.

[writingquestionsanswered]

How do you explore ideas properly? I often see the advice "explore your characters desires, motives, etc." and "dive deeper into the lore of your world" and similar stuff... but how do you actually do it? I take things literally, so I find this particular wording quite difficult to comprehend. Specifically, when I'm trying to develop my story, sometimes an idea will pop up, and I get that "is this the key to fix my plot hole?" feeling, and I run it through my head, and then my brain is just SO QUICK to disprove it. Like, just instantly lost interest? Sometimes it just wasn't the right idea, but recently it's happened every single time, so I'm starting to lose trust i myself.

So, how can I properly explore and idea for my story to find out if it fits or not, before my brain is too quick to judge it for the worse?

Properly Exploring Story Ideas

Without greater context, it's hard to know exactly what that particular bit of advice intended, but from a general writing advice standpoint, I don't think it's meant to be taken too literally.

Generally speaking, "explore" really just means that once you've done the brainstorming and development to flesh it out for yourself, you need to establish and develop that thing for the reader (so, within your story) and bring it to its natural conclusion. In other words, "explore your character's motives" really just means you need to think about what your character's motives are so that you understand them for yourself, then you need to establish and flesh out those motives in your story and illustrate how they lead the character to pursue the particular goal they pursue. "Exploring" really just means "flesh it out for you and the reader."

When you get random ideas while you're plotting and planning, though, I think most of the time it's usually pretty easy to see whether or not it pertains to the story you're trying to flesh out. For example, let's say you're fleshing out a story about a woman who works for a chain bookstore and is trying to solve the mystery of her boss's murder because she wants justice for them, and also to clear a co-worker's name who is the main suspect. As you're fleshing out the murder (who did it and why, how it happened, how it was discovered, how your character got involved) as well as your character's motives (why it's important for her to try to find out what really happened), if you suddenly get an idea that she's a renowned cellist, I think you can probably pretty quickly determine that this isn't an idea worth exploring--either for yourself or in the story--because right away you can see it has nothing to do with a bookstore, your character's job as a supervisor, her boss's job as the manager, the murder (which turns out to be book related), or the killer (who turns out to be the boss's long lost ex who feels like the guy tanked her small book store.) So, this is an idea you can dismiss. But, if you come to a point during the fleshing out or writing of the story where it would make sense for your character to also be a renowned cellist, then you'll remember that idea and be able to plug it in because it's needed.

So, I guess what I'm saying is you actually should trust your gut. Write ideas down as they occur to you so you can come back to them later if need be, but if something doesn't feel right to pursue in the moment, it's almost certainly because your brain understands it doesn't fit into the story you need to tell. If an idea occurs to you that is the magical thing your story needs, it will be absolutely clear to you in that moment.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 7th of March, 2024

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 7th of March, 2024

Question: Are there any plans for a Regency, official or unofficial, to take place this year?

Note: This reading was done with all the cards upright, i.e. there are no reversals

Interpretation: The King and the Queen do not want a regency.

Card One: The Four of Pentacles

This is a card of holding on tightly to what you have, and that is exactly the energy I am getting from it. King Charles - the energy is masculine, so I am assuming it is the King's - King Charles is hanging on to his position and power with everything he has. He does not want to give up one iota of the Kingship and its duties to anyone else (except his wife), and the energy of that position is rock-firm and rigid in its stubbornness. Even if handing over some of his duties would be better for him, the King is not going to do it.

The picture on the card shows the craftsman Daedalus looking at his nephew. His nephew as more talented than Daedalus was, and Daedalus was both envious (wanting the talent his nephew had) and jealous (fearing that his nephew would take the success and reputation that Daedalus had from him). It is quite likely that the King has similar feelings towards his heir - affection for a family member combined with feeling of envy and/or jealousy, and this is part of the reason that the King is so opposed to a regency.

Note: AFAIK, under British law, if a regency is declared because of the incapacity f the King, for whatever reason (illness etc), then the regent has to be the heir. This is prescribed by law and the King can not say I want X as my regent and have it happen; the regent has to be his heir.

Card Two: The Queen of Pentacles

One of the meaning of the Queen of Pentacles is the good wife, and this is the energy that is coming from this card. The energy of this card is that of Queen Camilla, who is supporting her husband in his desire to not have a regency or any form of support from his heir while he, the King, is ill. In this they are of one mind. The Queen is determined that any power put down by the King will go to her and not to his heir. The energy is telling me that the Queen views any power given to the heir as a weakening of her position, and she is trying to make herself impregnable and unassailable (I was going to type 'as strong as possible' when the other words appeared in my mind out of nowhere). If I am reading the energy correctly, she seems to fear the heir and what he will do when he comes into power, so she is trying to get as much as she can for herself while she can.

As The Queen is coming through as the Queen of Pentacles, there may very well be money and status issues involved here (i.e. Pentacles things) - things that have not been put into law and that would be completely disrupted if Prince William were to come to power.

Tangent: I did a one card reading before this one that I wasn't going to write up, and I asked if Queen Camilla wanted her son to follow her as King, just to try and get some sort of idea about her thoughts and motives, and knowing that this was impossible as the line of succession is fixed by law. I was shocked to draw The Six of Wands, the success card, as the answer to my question, because that said yes, the Queen would like to have her son as King after her and not Prince William (i repeat, it is impossible to do this, so we are talking about wishes, not something that can come true). Combining that card and the above energy, I think that the Queen would feel far safer and more secure if her own blood was the heir instead of Prince William. She is really frightened about what Prince William will do when he is in power, and she does not like how popular Prince William is with the public at all.

Another thing to note is that I am not getting any sense of duty towards the country from the Queen (or the King). The energy from the Queen is very much wanting to be comfortable and do what she wants, and trying to arrange things so this will happen and will continue after her husband's death, and that is it. There is no concern for the affect of her actions on the country; she is not even thinking about that and her attitude seems to be 'oh well, they can fix up the mess after I'm dead'. Her concern is focused on herself first and her family and husband second, and that is it.

Card Three: The Page of Swords

Pages are messages, and swords are thoughts/strategy/communications. This card is giving me the energy of social media and the internet - electronic communications. As we have seen, the King and the Queen are putting out a message of 'Everything is fine, no need for extra help, the King can still do his job and if he can't the Queen can do it for him'. That is the message that they want to go out to the world. Whether it is actually the truth is another matter entirely (Swords can be about strategies, and people lie to other people as part of a strategy all the time - also, King Charles has past form in lying to the general public to get what he wants). The last thing the King or Queen want is pressure from the public to have Prince William take over some of the duties of the monarchy to help out his father.

Underlying Energy: The Three of Wands

This is my card for the line of succession, the transfer of power within the BRF, regencies, and so on. Having it as an underlying energy confirms that the above cards are all about power and the transfer of power within the BRF.

The card shows Jason's uncle giving his crown to Jason, i.e. acknowledging Jason as the true king, but then the uncle sends Jason off to find the Golden Fleece, hoping he will be killed along the way. This tells me that even if King Charles does make a show of handing some functions over to his heir, there will be a trap involved and Prince William will be set up to fail if he takes on the offered duties.

This card is also giving me courtier vibes - King Charles and Queen Camilla may be fighting off the idea of a regency/handing over any of the monarch's duties to the heir, but I would not be surprised if the courtiers have plans in place for both an official regency and an unofficial transfer of power behind the scenes.

Conclusion:

King Charles does not want a regency in any way, shape, or form. Neither does he want to give up any of his powers to his heir, even for a temporary period while he recovers his health, although he has no problem sharing his powers with the Queen. The Queen is 100% behind him; he has all of her support on this matter.

Both of them seem to be driven in part or in whole by negative emotions towards the idea of Prince William in power - envy and/or jealousy on the part of the King, and fear on the part of the Queen (I can feel her fear as I write this. I can not stress this strongly enough - she is terrified of Prince William having any Kingly powers).

This determination to hold on to the position and power of the monarch is what is behind the PR that says the King is fine, he is working from home, the Queen is a great support to him etc.

While the King and the Queen are refusing to even discuss the issues, the courtiers may have quiet plans of their own - just in case.

[eyelessfaces]

out of sight, out of mind

poe dameron x reader

this fic is the prequel to better safe than sorry. therefore it doesn't really matter if you haven't read it because it's a PREquel, but then you know what to read next :)

better safe than sorry masterlist

summary: saying that you're terrified at the idea of losing someone you love again is an understatement. poe dameron happens to be the most reckless person you know.

warnings: reader has trauma and ptsd, mentions of death, angst (I mean, a lot), mentions of injuries, alcohol consumption

tags: f!reader, absolute idiots in love, friends to lovers, poe is in love, reader makes questionable choices but she has trauma okay, poe is so very sweet in this and it has me screaming, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 7.1k (personal record for a one shot, wow)

huge thanks to @eatingyouryoung for beta reading and for motivating me, supporting me and most of all bearing with me and the multiple mental breakdowns I had while writing this. love you bestie, thank you, really. <3

masterlist | taglist | ao3

There are moments where it’s only those memories, only those flashbacks clouding your mind and filling up the space for any other thoughts in your head. It eats everything else and doesn’t leave room to breathe, it engulfs everything on its way.

It is impressive how just a few minutes can determine the rest of your life, it is impressive how fast it can eat up everything else that matters.

It can play in your head over and over again when it wants to, like somebody’s favorite holo movie, rewatched when you should be asleep after a long and tiring day, and sometimes you get flashes of it during the day, even if you’re busy and should not be thinking about something other than what you’re currently doing, as if the images were screaming at you that hey, they existed.

You knew all too well that they existed, and for some obscure reason, you didn’t want to forget them. 

You should want them to fade away, to disappear completely, to vanish into oblivion until nothing is left of that day, but something inside of you sticks there, holds onto those few minutes and doesn’t want to let go. 

You don’t want the images to shatter into pieces, you don’t want it to be pooling at your feet like something you know you’re never going to be able to put back together. You don’t want to let go of it, you don’t want to let go of your last memory of her.

These moments aren’t present really often, at least not as much as before, but when they are they’re omnipresent and always remind you of how afraid you are at even just the thought of losing someone again.

Right now is one of those moments, the images play in the back of your mind again, it has become a regular occurrence for them to manifest themselves at the least convenient moments. Maybe Jess was right, maybe you should go see a professional so they could help you manage the manifestation of those memories.

The only thing faintly keeping you connected to reality is Poe’s voice mixing with the scene inside your head as you watch him speak, and even though it’s muffled and his words are barely distinguishable, it’s your only anchor, and you know that if you focus hard enough, it will bring you right back where you are, in the briefing room where he’s explaining everything concerning how the previous mission went and how things could have gone easier for everyone, tactically speaking. 

You do and it works, and you’re back just in time to catch Poe’s gaze sticking to yours, a small wink directed your way drawing a wide and foolish smile from you before he looks away, leaving a heat creeping up your cheeks. 

You’re barely able to focus for the rest of the meeting because of that simple thing, making it so you haven’t listened to any of it at all. 

He dismisses everyone, chatter filling the room before it emigrates out of it, and you wait for him to be done talking with someone and he joins you.

“Hey” he smiles, walking out the room beside you, his arm wrapping around you, his hand resting on your shoulder. “You okay?” he asks as he tilts his head to take a look at your face.

You hum positively, or you hope it sounds positive, and you look up at him with a small smile to prove your point. “Just tired” you shrug.

His lips pinch in a compassionate smile, and his hand shifts from your shoulder to bury into your hair. 

"Wanna come over tonight?" he asks cocking an eyebrow. "Just you, me, a bottle and my quarters"

"Is it really that obvious that I'm not feeling well?" you ask stopping in your steps with a small sigh, looking up at him.

He snorts, shrugging. "Obvious I don’t know, but I know you better than yourself" he chuckles, his hand shifting to your arm so he can squeeze you against himself. "So is that a yes?"

"It sure is" you smile, and he mirrors it before leaving a kiss at the top of your head.

—

Your eyes are watery from the alcohol, and you can feel the dizziness starting to manifest itself as you can see that your vision is slowly starting to delay like a screen's bad frame rate.  

"So" Poe starts, taking the bottle from your hands. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he asks finally coming to the subject you've been thoroughly avoiding before, taking care of telling him about your day. 

He brings the bottle to his mouth, frowning at the small shrug you offer him in response. He swallows the liquid as he raises his chin at you, handing you back the bottle. “It’s fine if you don’t, but you know that I’m always here if you need someone to lis–”

“It’s her death. The memories of it”

“Oh” his eyes soften, and he shifts closer to you, still sitting crossed legged on his bed.

“They’re less and less frequent, but when they resurface it’s all there is” you pinch your lips, a single nod showing that you’re accepting your fate despite how cruel it is. "And it's still so vivid, I still remember it like it was yesterday. Everyone loses people they love in this war, and it's almost been two years and yet I can't move on" you chuckle before drinking from the bottle, wincing at the strong taste of the drink. “I feel ridiculous”

"No one does" he nods, raising his eyebrows in a reassuring way. "No one moves on" he declares, taking the bottle from you when you hand it over. "You learn to live with it, but you never really move on." He watches as you chew on your bottom lip, looking down at your lap. “And this is not ridiculous at all.” he tilts his head to emphasize, putting the bottle down on his nightstand.

His hand reaches for yours, and you let him hold it. It feels warm, and his touch feels comforting, and you can feel your heart beat faster when he starts running his thumb back and forth on the back of your hand. “My mom died when I was eight, I’m a grown man and I haven’t moved on and I never will. I just had to learn to live with it.” You look up at him with compassion, but you also feel worried at the thought that it’s probably going to be a long, long way before you can recover from this experience and everything else it involves.

“But the fact that you lived and saw it makes it even harder, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for feeling stuck.”

You closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose maybe a bit too hard, as if you were trying to squeeze the images out of you. 

"I watched her die in front of me, she was right before my eyes and I had to leave her there" the words leave your mouth in a hurried and panicked, trembling plea, throat burning with the tight knot that only seems to get bigger inside as your words remind you of the moment in question, just as if you were there again, anxiety starting to loom menacingly over you again.

A soft exhale leaves Poe’s mouth as his expression turns into one of helplessness, and he gently pulls your body to his so you both lay down on the bed as he holds you close to him, your back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around you. 

"I know baby, I know" he whispers, pressing gentle kisses to your hairline, trying to ease your trembling and labored breaths.

You’re not crying, you can’t, you feel so full yet so empty.

—

The ringing, high pitched sound in your ears doesn’t help your current state of tiredness and the growing migraine slowly but surely beginning to anchor into your head, and you can soon feel a throbbing pain hammering into your skull.

It’s fairly late and everyone on base is back to their quarters and for the most fast asleep, save for the ones like you still focused on work. You should get some sleep, you need it, you crave it, but you refuse to leave the empty room before you're done filling your report, wrapping up the paperwork session you've been at for two hours now.

You almost drop your datapad at the sudden feeling of hands over your shoulders, a shuddery gasp slipping from your mouth. It wakes you up a little, your current fatigue making the effect of surprise even more intense, your heart thrumming into your ribcage and reverberating inside your whole body.

The momentary panic fades away when Poe walks around to the desk in front of yours, revealing that it's only him as your eyes follow him as you're trying to catch your breath, a relieved smile growing upon your face. You haven’t seen him since yesterday, both of you drowning under a crushing pile of work. You feel awful when you remember the state you were in, but you also remember that it’s Poe so he doesn’t mind and above all, he’s not one to judge.

"Sorry sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare you" his lips quirk in a soft smile as both of his hands grasp onto the back of the chair in front of you.

"S'okay, I just didn't expect any visit this late. Why aren't you sleeping?" you ask as you put the datapad down on the desk, looking up at him as you sink back into your chair, crossing your arms. 

“Why aren’t you” he asks as he cocks an eyebrow, almost as if accusing you of the same crime.

You sigh as you raise your eyebrows, taking a hold of the tablet you put down not too long ago. “Well Leia will kick my ass if I don’t fill out all of this, and she kinda scares me when she gets mad, so I’m stuck here until I’m done with paperwork”

“I don’t blame you for that” he snorts. "Need some company?" he asks as he pulls the chair from under the desk.

"I'm almost done but sure" you declare, pointing your hand towards his chair to offer him to stay with you.

He sits down, a slight clinking sound resonating through the empty room when he puts his feet up on the desk. 

You dive back into work, and he would have so many things to tell you about his day but he knows that you're desperate to finish what you're doing so he instead just looks at you, drinking in any movement of yours, even the littlest, admiring the way you look when you're focused, smiling at the way you bite down onto your lip in concentration all while he absent-mindedly fiddles with the ring attached to the chain around his neck.

It doesn’t take too long for you to finish your work and for Poe to escort you back to your quarters, finally getting to tell you about his day while on the way. 

You’re disappointed when you see you’re already there, and if you weren’t so tired you would have invited him inside so you could keep chatting. 

“You still haven’t answered my question” you say as you stop in front of your door, turning on your feet so you could face him, stopping him in the middle of his story about BB-8’s checkup.

“What question?” he frowns, a confused expression taking over his face, lowkey nervous that he forgot about something important.

“Why you’re not asleep.”

“Oh. I was revising details for tomorrow’s last minute mission" he nods as he crosses his arms, leaning his side against the wall.

“Last minute mission?” you repeat, your eyebrows slightly rising in curiosity.

He nods as he pinches his lips. “I’m leaving for a few days. Our contact found something interesting about the First Order, and I have to see this with my own eyes” 

“Be careful” you nod once, the inner corner of your eyebrows angling up in worry, and he can see in your eyes that you’re pleading him. He’s not the most cautious recruit on base, far from that, but he knows what’s good for his cause, even if he sometimes has to pay the price, but you also happen to be more important than his constant desire for recklessness. 

“I will, promised. Goodnight sweetheart.” he smiles softly as he stands in front of you.

“Goodnight Poe.” He turns to his feet, ready to leave, but you grab onto his wrist before he can. He turns to you, eyebrows raised, awaiting anything from you. “Thank you for yesterday. I really needed someone to talk to.” you nod, with a tired but genuine smile.

He smiles back at you, the corner of his eyes crinkling softly.

He leaves a quick kiss at your cheek before leaving, and you wait for him to be out of sight to finally go inside your quarters, and you can’t tell if the sigh leaving your mouth is one of longing or relief.

—

You’re sprinting through the base hallways, and even though it’s really not an uncommon thing to do there, you feel stupid for being in such a rush hoping that he isn’t gone yet. 

Once you arrive in the hangar, catching your breath, it is flooded with orange jumpsuits, making it hard to recognize anyone if they’re not directly facing you, but you just happen to spot the little droid that indicates that Poe’s not far away.

Poe’s eyes light up when you approach and he realizes you’re here to say goodbye, and you shake your head as you walk up to him, almost sprinting once you’re close.

“You do anything risky, I’ll kill you” you threaten as you throw yourself into his arms, the end of your sentence muffled against him.

“Okay. Where's my goodbye kiss?” he asks as he lets his hand rest at the back of your head, and he smirks when he hears your muffled chuckle.

“if you come back without a single scratch,” you start, pulling away from the embrace, looking back at him. “You’ll have a welcome home kiss.” 

His right eyebrow rises in interest, and a sly smirk grows over his face. 

“Now that’s an interesting deal.”

You point a finger to his chest, the tip pressing against it, your head slightly tilting to the side, looking right into his eyes.

“Not.” you push your finger deeper. “A.” deeper again, and—

“–Scratch, yes.” he completes your sentence, taking a hold of your hand, closing it into a fist and pressing it against his chest.

“That’s right. I’ll check” you tease, your other pointer finger pressuring him.

He snorts, “I’d love to show you every single part of my–” his voice quietens as he suddenly looks down at his feet, at the circular droid nudging him. “Yeah buddy” he looks back up at you. “I should get going”

“Alright. Goodbye handsome, be careful” you smile, and he bites down on his lip as he lets go of your hand before starting to walk backwards. 

“You gave me a reason to be, I will be” he shouts from a distance, pointing back at you as he walks away, towards his ship. 

—

The few days he had announced to be the time where he would be gone transformed into a whole week, and though you were busy every night either with work or with friends, you couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing at random moments of the evening. 

Thankfully feedback from coms said that everyone was okay and that the mission was going exactly as planned, so your state of worry was greatly diminished.

You still couldn’t stop thinking about him and you hated yourself for being so attached to Poe Dameron, but at the same time how could you not when he acted the way he did around you.

You were walking around base with friends when you heard word from a passing group of people that Poe’s squadron had gotten back from their mission, and even though it was getting late and you could wait see him the next day or whenever you would run into him next, the curiosity and apprehension to find out whether he had gotten injured or not took over you.

You apologized to your friends for having to leave them, and hurriedly made your way through the base to join the hangar.

Once you arrive there the scene in front of you is pretty much the same as when you joined Poe before he left; a sea of orange figures, ships on the ground, metallic sounds and indistinct chatter filling the room. 

Poe sees you before you see him and rushes towards you, a sly smirk over his face as he sprints across the hangar, and the moment you finally see him is the exact same moment you want to warn him about the ship wing that’s about to– 

It hits his head with a loud thud.

A yelp that quickly transforms into a groan escapes his mouth, both of his hands covering and pushing against the area of impact as he momentarily curls up on himself in place because of the sudden pain. 

Your mouth is gaping in shock before you sprint to join him.

“Fuck are you okay?” you ask hastily, a nervous chuckle leaving your mouth as your hand rests at his back while his eyes are shut tight, his hand grabbing onto your arm.

“Yeah I’m okay, I’m okay” he nods, his other hand still clinging onto his forehead. He sighs a curse word under his breath, shaking his head as he frowns before he snorts.

“I was uninjured before this.” he chuckles as he looks at you, a skeptic smile over his face. “Not a scratch”

“Mh? Well that’s too bad.” you tease, putting your hand over his shoulder. “Come on, medbay.”

“No no that’s fine I’m o–” 

“Nuh uh I don’t wanna hear it, we’re going to medbay” you insist, pulling onto his arm, raising your eyebrows and tilting your head towards the direction of interest.

Poe reluctantly goes to medbay with you, the medics check him up rather quickly, and everything turns out to be okay; you only have to stay there sitting face to face to hold a cold pad to his forehead to prevent a bump from appearing.

“So, how’d the mission go?”

“Great. Couldn’t have been better. Got into some ambushes but we crushed them” he smiles. “And not a scratch, nothing” he nods proudly.

“See, you can make efforts when you’re interested in the promised outcome” you chuckle, shifting in place so you could get a better position to hold the pad over his forehead. 

He winces, “S’cold as fuck”

“That’s the point” you huff out a laugh, and he smacks your thigh playfully in response.

“So” he starts, clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. “Can I get my price?” he asks, a sly smirk growing over his face.

“...I don’t know” you hum, a fake skeptic expression over your face. It’s hard to refrain from smiling when you see his semi-pouty face, “You technically didn’t respect the conditions.”

“What? It shouldn’t count!” he starts bargaining like a child that has been wrongly accused for something their sibling did, and you huff out a small laugh seeing how he reacts to you simply teasing him.

“I mean, you got hurt” you shrug.

“The mission was over”

“I told you to come back uninjured, mission or not, or else what's the point”

“Fair enough, but you didn’t specify beforehand”

“Well, now you know” you say, a small exhale leaving your mouth when you get up from your seat, and Poe doesn’t waste any second to follow you, tossing the cold pad onto the nearest surface.

“Alright, okay, but now I want a second chance at this so it’s fair game” he bargains, following you closely when you exit the medbay.

"Alright, alright" you agree as you turn back to him. "Come on now, you need to rest" you turn to your feet again, towards the hallway extending before you.

He remains standing in place when you start walking again, just looking at you and pondering. It takes him a few seconds before he catches up and joins you again, walking by your side.

The both of you are silent for most of the walk to Poe's quarters; it's pretty uncommon for Poe to remain quiet for more than thirty seconds, and it has you thinking.

"You really want your kiss, huh?" you ask rhetorically, stopping in your steps and turning to him once you're in front of his door.

He pauses, and takes a look at you before answering. "Of course I do" he chuckles, and you nod as your teeth sink into your bottom lip.

Poe barely has time to process you getting substantially closer to him before you grab the collar of his flight suit and put your lips over his, gently pushing him against the wall. 

The quarter of second it takes for him to fully be aware of what's happening leaves him sighing against your mouth, and once he's sure that it’s all real, his hand cradles the back of your head, pulling you even closer. 

His other hand rests at your hip, your own hands leaving his collar and resting at the back of his neck, and low hum vibrating against your mouth when your fingers bury into his short curls there.

You pull away just for a second before he yanks you towards him, kissing you back with even more vigor.

His lips are warm and pressed tight against yours, the heat of his body feeling omnipresent even though you're the one caging him.

You smile at the sight of the starstruck expression left over his face when you pull away, and your heart sinks at the way his warm eyes look at you. 

“I was messing with you, I always keep my promises” you tease with a grin as you start to back away, your hands behind your back, giving him space again.

“Admit it, you didn’t want to be kind to me, you just wanted to do it” he smirks, a teasing tone in his voice before he bites down onto his bottom lip. “You wanted to kiss me”

You smirk back at him, shrugging before turning onto your feet and leaving for good, retracing your steps.

Poe stares at you leaving until you're out of sight, and he can't help but smile to himself when he enters the code to his quarters, still not fully believing what just happened.

You, you should feel overjoyed, but you can’t help but acknowledge that bittersweet feeling starting to get to you as you’re walking back to your quarters and being faced with reality again, your mind starting to overfill with too many thoughts; you’re getting too attached. 

—

You toss and turn in your bed, and all you’re able to do instead of sleeping is hating yourself for kissing Poe, for certainly making him feel like this meant that you were ready to give him what he had been wanting from you for so long.

You do have feelings for him, and that’s where the problem is; you can not love anyone, and certainly not someone as reckless and impulsive as him, not someone you could lose technically so easily. 

You can’t go through this again, you know you wouldn’t be able to carry the weight of his loss.

Maybe it’s selfish, maybe you’re making the biggest mistake of your life – no; you’re sure of that – but you’re also sure that you wouldn't be able to handle enduring this again; the simple thought crushes you.

You toss and turn in your bed, and while Poe is certainly delighted of what happened, you hate that you’re going to have to distance yourself from him because you fucked everything up.

—

It has been a week since you and Poe had kissed, and it seemed like you were thoroughly trying to avoid him ever since, hurrying out of the room after every briefing, taking advantage of the crowd and of the people wanting to talk details with the commander. 

You happened to never eat at the same time as him anymore, and you were nowhere to be found when he looked for you in places he knew you would usually be.

Poe was left confused, and even though he had a lot of work and technically other things to think about, the fact that he couldn’t catch you to talk even just for five minutes was bothering him and leaving him wondering if he had done something wrong, especially with what happened last time.

He had thought this kiss would change things between you, would lead you somewhere and that he would finally get what he had wanted for ages; you.

He knew it was no coincidence that you wouldn't stop ignoring his presence, that you wouldn't maintain eye contact through the briefing room for more than two seconds; that you wouldn’t run into him anymore; he knew he had been just a fool, too stupid to think that this could lead him somewhere, lead the both of you somewhere, that you would feel the same way he felt for you.

—

You took it as a sign that your friends had understood something was wrong when they practically dragged you to go get some drinks, and while you weren’t particularly in the mood to do that, you had to admit that you needed some distraction.

You needed to be busy in order to avoid thinking too much, to avoid getting too deep into your own head, because you knew that if you did you would break.

And the distraction technique actually works; you’re having a good time, chatting and laughing, forgetting about everything else going on besides that, and it feels really good, the illusion feels good.

There comes a time when you start to feel the drinks you’ve downed, the slight drunkenness starting to manifest itself as well as your need to pee.

You're still in a pretty good shape, drinkingly speaking; you're not fully drunk yet, just tipsy – the feeling is still pleasant, and you just have to stop for a second to maintain balance on your feet when you get up from your seat to join the cantina's bathroom.

The room is empty when you go and lock yourself into a stall, and the muffled music gets clearer when a group of people enter the room seconds later, their loud and high pitched laughs almost fully covering the sound of the loud music before it gets muffled again.

“So” one of the girls starts as she recovers from her laugh, “How’d last night end?” she asks, and the question elicits curious gasps from the other girls of the group.

“Yeah, we didn’t see you after you left the room with Commander Dameron” another girl teases, putting emphasis on the rank and last name, and your eyes widen at the sound of that.

Well. Try to forget about something and it’s shoved into your face right back away.

This catches your interest nonetheless, and you make sure to wait a little before you wipe yourself, not wanting to miss a beat of the conversation.

"Well," another girl starts, the girl who you assume is the girl who left the room with Commander Dameron. 

"We were both drunk and it was sloppy but damn is he good at it” she declares proudly, a fit of giggles filling the room.

Oh.

She's talking about something else, right? 

This can't possibly be, right?

Right?

"No way you slept with a commander, Jana. This is like a special success, something to check off a list" one of them chuckles.

"Sure did." Jana replies, and this is cliché and a bit not-feminist but you can just imagine her putting another layer of gloss on her lips.

Fuck.

It's with a half lie about not feeling well that you leave your friends and go home to your quarters, trying to repress the tight knot in your throat when you don’t even bother to change into your sleeping clothes and curl up into your bed.

—

The next briefings after that are awkward and feel delicate, and even though they already were before, you now can not look at Poe without internally wanting to scream and break something.

You hurry out the room faster than before if it’s even possible, and you need to be constantly distracted and busy with something in order not to think about him and all of your current situation with him.

You make your way out of the seemingly way-too-busy room once more, apologizing as you slalom through the crowd of people, an exhale of relief escaping once you get some relatively fresh air in the hallway.

“Hey” your heart jumps when you recognize Poe’s voice as he grabs your arm, and you sigh softly when you’re forced to turn to him. He must have disregarded everyone’s questions to exit the briefing room that quickly. “Why won’t you talk to me? Why do you barely even look at me?” he asks, and his voice slightly cracks at the middle of his sentence. He’s not fully scolding you, he genuinely wants answers.

A soft exhale leaves your mouth, and you can feel and hear your heart starting to beat fast in your ears.

“Did you sleep with Jana?”

The question is dropped like a bomb, and you know it’s going to have the effect of a bomb no matter what happens – it’s going to destroy everything, but at this point there isn’t really anything left to lose, nothing left to save either, it’s all doomed.

You already know the answer, you already know he’s going to respond positively because he’s an honest man and definitely not a liar; it’s something you have always appreciated in him.

“I–” he is speechless, and his mouth is gaping, trying to come up with anything to say though he knows damn well what he has to say if he wants to be honest with you, even if it’s going to ruin everything, until– “Yes.”

You expected it, and yet it still hurts. 

You had secretly hoped that the girl in the cantina bathroom had made that lie up to impress her friends, and you deep down knew she hadn’t, but you somehow buried yourself deep into denial, thinking that hoping otherwise would somehow manifest the truth to be different.

“I can’t wait for you forever. I don’t want to.” 

Immediately and like a reflex your eyes close, your lips pinch and you nod, trying to ignore the sick feeling bubbling inside your chest though it’s impossible. 

It hurts, everything hurts, nothing will ever be the same with him and it’s entirely your fault, you brought it upon yourself.

He’s not yours after all, and you made sure of that, so you shouldn’t be upset, you shouldn’t feel your heart sink. It’s not legitimate.

“You know that’s not what I meant” he starts again, the inner corner of his eyebrows angling up in compassion when he sees your reaction. “I could wait for you forever.” he nods, a bittersweet smile over his face. “But you’re making me feel like a fool. I don’t want to feel like a fool forever” he nods one last time as his lips pinch to repress something, and you can see his eyes glistening a bit, and your heart aches at the sight.

You bite down on your lip trying to contain your frustration, or your growing state of misery; you’re not sure, and all you’re able to reply is just–

“Okay.”

It’s bland, cold and dry, but it’s truly all that can come out.

You don’t have the heart to bargain and beg for your cause, and it would feel unfair and dishonest for him anyways.

“I’m sorry” Poe immediately says, and you feel bad that he is the one to be sorry, that he feels like he is the bad guy in that whole story when all of this is entirely your fault.

“No, no, I am. I get it” you try to reassure him, forcing a small smile out of you, still trying to make it seem like you’re doing fine, though you know there’s no use trying to when he knows you so well. 

You can’t stay here any longer or you will break, and you don’t have anything left to say anyways, not when you know it probably has to end that way.

You leave as fast as you left the briefing room earlier, and Poe feels sick when he watches you go, feels the need to puke when his head somehow fills with every memory you’ve ever made with him.

You’re glad your back is facing him when you have to frantically wipe away the single tear rolling down your cheek.

—

It feels strange not having Poe in your life anymore, at least not properly; and it's probably worse that way, the fact that he's still around and that you're still often being confronted to each other, forced to pretend not to care about each other.

It hurts that he's now back to being "just" a commander to you, a colleague, that you're both back to being basically strangers, that the eye contacts don't linger anymore and just leave a bitter feeling lodged inside your chest when they used to leave butterflies in your stomach.

Your heart aches every time you catch a glimpse of him, and it’s hard trying to stay focused when you work around him, go on missions with him. 

You feel terrible for what you’ve done to him, you feel sick that he feels like he's been played with when all you wanted to do was protect yourself, you feel bad that he has to be collateral damage. 

You truly hope he doesn’t hate you, and you think that this might be your biggest fear.

That the only man that has ever truly believed in you, that the man that you love could hate you, even if he has all the reasons in the world to and you wouldn’t blame him if he did. 

Now is not the time to think about it, because you've been assigned and sent on a mission with him, and you're kinda thankful it's not the kind of mission that only requires two people and you just happen to be paired with him – you're thankful people are with you for this one.

It should be an easy mission, you just have to get something back.

A smuggler had stolen something that was supposed to get sent to the Resistance, but the guy happened to be tougher and more skilled than expected, and the logical solution to get back up on this was to get the Resistance itself.

You’re making your way through a quiet alley bathed in darkness, following the target from a distance, observing each of his movements to calculate how you could get an opening so you could get to him and steal – no, get back what’s yours.

Your group has split up, everyone trying to join the guy from different points and accesses across the area. 

If all goes well you can surround him in case you don’t have the opportunity to attack before, and technically he shouldn’t be able to get away, at least not until you have taken back what he has stolen.

You're doing pretty good so far, the guy hasn’t noticed he is being followed, so you have been able to gradually get closer and you're so close to being able to attack and if you could just shoot him in the leg and get back what's yours–

You're suddenly and abruptly yanked out from the main alley, and even before you can react at what’s happening and scream in surprise and fear, a hand pushes over and blocks your mouth, the other hand wrapping tight around your waist, your back pressed flush against your assailant's chest as their own back rests against the wall of the small, secluded alley you’ve been pulled in.

Your eyes look around in fear, your head unable to move, blocked by the strong hand covering your mouth; you want to scream, trying to wriggle out of whoever's grasp you're trapped in, panic starting to creep up your chest, until–

"Calm down, don't panic, it's only me." the soft and gentle whisper of Poe's voice in your ear makes you relax in his grasp, waves of relief washing over you. "He knows that we're following him, he was waiting for you to get closer to trap you" he explains, and you start to loosen up when his hand leaves your mouth and he lets go of you. “Sorry I scared you”

“Thank you” you nod as you face him, your hands resting over your knees as you catch your breath from the sudden rush of fear and adrenaline.

Your eyes widen and you look back at Poe when you hear a fight starting not so far away from where you are, shouts and sounds of blasters firing.

“I’ll go” he declares, hastily taking off his jacket. “Stay there and keep this for me, will you? You were shivering while I was holding you” he smirks teasingly, throwing you his leather jacket.

You chuckle as you catch and look down at the piece of cloth, and he waits for you to put it on to shoot you a smile before leaving, not even giving you time to beg him to be careful and not do anything stupid.

At least you’re now certain that he most definitely does not hate you.

—

Poe is sitting in the grass on a hill not so far away from base, looking up at the starry sky, just enjoying the fresh air of D'Qar. It feels nice after the particularly busy and tiring day he just had, his muscles still sore and tense from the mission, especially the muscles joining his neck and shoulders. 

“Hey” the sudden sound of your voice tears him out of his thoughts, and he even thinks he hallucinated it before he turns to you.

“Hey” he pinches a smile as he looks up at you.

“I wanted to give you your jacket back” you say as you look down at the jacket you’re currently wearing, and you must admit that you’re a bit reluctant at the idea of having to give it back – it smells just like him, a mix of his natural comforting scent and his aftershave, and it feels like the closest you’ve ever been to him in your life.

“Oh. No need to, you can keep it, you look good in it” he smiles wide, and you scoff softly.

"Alright. Can I?” you ask, referring to sitting down next to him.

“Hm? Sure” he nods, patting on the grass. You sit down next to him and watch him as he looks in front of him, admiring the view extending before him. The sky is pretty, the stars are especially bright tonight.

"Thank you again for earlier. And… I'm sorry for even earlier" you say, and his gaze drops down to his lap. "I'm sorry I was being an asshole and I made you feel like an idiot just because I don't know how to deal with my emotions." He looks back up in front of him, and you're scared when he doesn’t say anything and just stares ahead, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. "Can you forgive me?"

His face turns to you, and he nods, a pinched, awkward smile over his face. "Of course. Of course I can"

You can't help a relieved smile from forming over your face, and you look at the stars for a moment before looking back at him. He looks almost heavenly, bathed in the stars' light.

“You know I love you, right? Poe, please tell me you do.” you ask, almost beg, still scared that he could believe the opposite. 

"I do. I know it" he nods softly, looking at you. He pauses before continuing, as if he was thinking of the right words to say. "But I don't want you to feel forced to be with me if you're not ready yet" he continues, and his hand rests over your thigh as he looks at you sternly, wanting to show you that he means it.

Your heart sinks at how considerate he is, even after how you've been treating him, but you're not even surprised; he's the kindest, most gentle man you've ever met, you have always known this.

"I can wait for you, and I will, I'm not going anywhere." he looks down at your thigh when your hand covers his, and he looks back up at you. "I mean it."

It shouldn't have the effect it has, because you've never wanted him as much as you do now, but you have been wanting him for long anyways so it doesn't really change anything. 

“I’m terrified of losing you.” you mutter under your breath, saying this as if you were justifying yourself though you know you don’t have to.

“And why would you lose me?” he asks, almost sure it's a rhetorical question, his hand moving so it could grab yours. His fingers intertwine with yours and the gesture makes a chill run down your spine, you're sure it's not the fresh breeze of the night.

“You’re the most impulsive and reckless person I’ve ever met, Poe. That might simultaneously be your biggest blessing and flaw” you smile softly.

He scoffs. “But I’m also the best pilot in the Resistance, so…” he tries to reassure you with a fake sly smirk, for once, holding tighter onto your hand. “Trust me, will you? I know it’s hard for you, I know what you’ve gone through and I know what you're scared of but I promise you that we’ll be okay.” he nods, and you happen to believe him, he is able to do that.

"You don't have to wait for me, then" you declare, your head resting over his shoulder. He smiles as he wraps an arm around your shoulders, leaving a kiss at the top of your head before his rests over yours.

You will love him anyways, you will be terrified anyways, and if you have to live with the fear that everything could stop suddenly, you would rather do it by his side.

—

if this flops and if I get no feedback on this I will scream, cry, break something and consider retiring from writing so if you've read all of this please give me feedback or a comment or a reblog I'm literally begging you on my knees........

better safe than sorry masterlist

masterlist | taglist | ao3

star wars masterlist: @apollo-enthusiast @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @anightshift @whatthefishh @dameronshandholder @campingwiththecharmings @mintgreen24 @dameronshandholder @spider-starry @jakecockley @cocodiem @spxctorsslxt @friedwings @luxisluxurious

[yuri-is-online]

hi, thank you for answering! i really love the fyuuture kid au!! could i ask for cater!yutu? 👀 i wonder if yutu knows there is more to him, and if yuu remembered that too in the og timeline to tell their son

👀 you may. I have a separate fic I am supposed to be writing for him but I had thoughts...

notes: they/them used for Yuu, cw for discussions of mental health and suicide, but no one self harms and nothing is described. General fyuuture kid au info can be found here and the first post can be found here. More of it can be found under the series section of my masterlist.

Yuu's memories of Twisted Wonderland are less concrete thoughts and more feelings. They know how Cater made them feel, and bits and pieces of his personality but they lack memory of the context, so their memory tries to patch up the holes. In other words, they don't remember Cater's act was an act, and they explain him to Yutu as a creative, friendly person, who likely struggled with a form of depression.

"Your father would sometimes find himself feeling despondent, lacking energy, and motivation. There is a chance as you get older that you might feel that way sometimes too, but that's not because you are a failure or because you did something wrong. I won't hate you if you feel that way and I will never judge you for it. I will always be there for you."

It's a good call, Yutu does find himself having some periods of depression as he gets older from time to time, and the early conversation Yuu had with him allowed him to feel comfortable with discussing that with his parent. The idea that his father had similar struggles comforts him, doubly so if Yuu does as well. He thinks about his dad a lot actually, Yuu's lack of memory means Yutu's over active imagination tries to fill in the blanks.

There is a part of him that thinks his father might have lost his battle with depression and that Yuu's memory loss was due to grief. He respects his father a lot, and is determined to take care of his own and Yuu's physical and mental well being to honor him. Yutu likes to think that is what his dad would want.

He loves music, he finds playing guitar and singing to be very soothing, but he's not super interested in being in a band; he is much more interested in maybe jamming a bit and just talking with his friends. Pretty much exactly like his dad now that I think about it.

I like the thought of Cater! Yutu wanting to be a psychologist when he grows up... and knowing that Yuu isn't the wealthiest person starts working part time to save up for college. He's a very driven person, and deeply interested in what makes people tick.

Cater! Yutu is one of the Yutu's who is A) in a different dorm than his dad (Octavinelle, not Heartslabyul) and B) who sort of prefers your world to Twisted Wonderland. He warms up to Twisted Wonderland after traveling into the past and actually gets to see what it's like, but he really didn't like fighting monsters or seeing what had happened to his father, speaking of which-

He tried asking about what his father was like before he was transformed into a monster, but he didn't get a lot of clear answers. Crewel tells him that he was very outgoing and peppy, a good enough student who was really into an app called magicam that isn't around anymore due to the *gestures vaguely at the apocalypse* and Sam told him a neat story about his New Year's sale and how well his dad could work a crowd. "Good with people." That's something he hears a lot, but nothing to suggest he wasn't always happy. They do have some recordings the pop music club made they pass along to him that Yutu treasures and keeps close.

Yutu had to fight his dad's monster form multiple times to try and rescue people from the Queendom of Roses. It was painful to see a monster who is actively trying to kill him and people he has come to care about and then have him pointed out to him as his dad. There isn't any life left in Cater's eyes to recognize him, but Yutu still wants it to be there. He has so many questions and no one left to answer them.

When he travels back in time, Yutu doesn't interact with Cater immediately. His mind still associates him with blot and grueling fights, so he hangs back around Yuu and Adeuce. It was a bit difficult to get used to being around them, but it helped that Deuce is very polite and his focus on being an honor student is kind of cute. Ace though...

Ace is suspicious. He tries telling those suspicions to Cater, "Hey don't you like Yuu haven't you asked them out a whole bunch you should be worried about this-" blah blah blah, look Cater wasn't there to see Yutu arrive, and he knows the froshes like to exaggerate. There is no way Yutu fell out of the sky and it isn't a big deal that he knows so much about Yuu. They're probably just childhood friends, and those never win even if it would be kind of cute- hey maybe they're related??? It doesn't matter, Cater is determined not to think about it. Which leads to a series of miscommunications where Cater tries teasing Yutu but it just makes him look like an ass for assuming things.

Yutu actually finds this sort of interesting. Now that he actually is talking to his dad, well no. Now that he has actually heard his dad open his mouth and speak it is sort of difficult to think of him as a blot monster or to be afraid. Overblot Cater never said something like "yikes a tron 3000." He thinks he gets what Yuu was remembering about him, Cater can come off as very fake sure, but there are traces of the real him in what he does and says. His dad likes the color yellow, catchy music, being praised when he does something cool, and he wants to be taken care of by someone. Someone Yutu suspects is his parent~

It also helps that he has been stealing Yuu's phone while they're asleep (he tried their password from the future it still worked rip bozo) and scrolls through Cater's magicam feed to try and get a sense for what he liked in between all the trends. He noticed the skateboard stuff and made sure to ask about it by saying something about how "oh I heard about it from Yuu, they thought it was really cool."

Cater isn't really ready to be a dad, but he is surprisingly chill when he learns just who Yutu is.

"Oh please you're here aren't you? You wouldn't be unless I wanted you." Cater sounds so ridiculously sure of himself that Yutu half wonders if he is talking to someone else. But no, it's his dad. His very creative, very good with people, sometimes a bit depressed dad who respects him enough to be honest with him. "You have to know that Yuu wants you to be here, right? I didn't screw that up for you, did I?"

"It wasn't you." He needed to say that out loud for himself, because it wasn't. Yutu's Cater was dead a long time before he ever got to see him. "It looked like you, but it wasn't you."

They like to play music together sometimes, but in typical pop music club fashion they usually just eat snacks and talk. Yutu wants to play some of the music on the recordings Crewel gave him with Cater and Cater wants to make new tracks. He is a bit disappointed that there was no magicam in the future for Yutu to tell him about, but he is just as happy to hear weird trends from Yuu's world.

Cater likes to bring Yuu in to these jam sessions sometimes. He does like to do couple stuff with Yuu on magicam sometimes, but he prefers to keep his more genuine emotions and moments to himself. He will get very embarrassed if he finds out that Yutu has been taking pictures with the ghost camera behind his back.

The future that Yutu came from scares him, he would prefer someone else take the lead on figuring out how to fix it, but if monsters begin attacking in this time? Well he has no problem taking point on that, hey he's heard kids find things less scary if they see their dad's there to protect them.

And Cater is pretty scary when he's mad about missing out on something ♡

[maladaptiveobsession]

What if charlie found a soul that came to the hotel but had already sold part of their soul to some other overlord and this time sue actually fights the overlord and gets your soul back... But why would she give it back to you its safe with her anyway

“safe and sound”

yandere charlie x reader

contains: gn reader, obsessiveness, manipulation, brief implication of violence, brief mention of abuse/exploitation, charlie is slightly disturbed

word count: 867

a/n: i actually cackled when i saw this prompt. hope this is to your liking!

Your arrival at the hotel sparked great interest and intrigue for all the guests. Charlie was noticeably invested in your growth. Such unwavering support would have been alarming in any other context, but Charlie was well known for her compassion and commitment. You happily disregarded all concerns, taking her dedication as a testament to her caring nature. Above all, you felt grateful to have captured the attention of such a well-known figure in hell.

Charlie was most thrilled to have another guest, especially one who showed such promise. She took every opportunity to share her excitement, showering you in praise every step of the way. You were doing so well, after all! It was clear to all just how significant an impact you were making, not just to Charlie but to the entirety of the hotel’s occupants. Her unwavering enthusiasm and support were a constant source of motivation, fueling your determination.

It was evident to all who knew Charlie just how fond she had grown of you during your stay. The bond you’d built had become a dependency in a world filled with uncertainty and fear. As your redemption neared—so close you could almost taste it—something dark and heavy twisted in Charlie’s gut. The growing unease forced her to confront the harsh reality of eventually losing you. Disturbing thoughts clawed at her mind relentlessly, and guilt gnawed at her conscious. What was happening to her?

How could she claim to care for you yet still entertain the idea of sabotaging your progress? She grappled with the conflicting emotions. If you love someone, shouldn’t you let them go? Yet the thought of losing you made her heart heavy with ache, perhaps more so than the betrayal you’d ultimately feel.

With each passing day, her longing for you grew. You consumed her every thought, driving her to the point of desperation. She yearned for the sound of your voice, the warmth of your touch, and the comfort of your presence. Each moment without you became unbearable, leaving her feeling incomplete and adrift—lost in a sea of uncertainty and longing. The separation felt like a cruel and unbearable punishment. She had an insatiable hunger for your love and affection; her yearning for you only continued to escalate, a deep and unrelenting ache that threatened to consume you both whole.

Alastor, ever the silent menace, observed Charlie’s growing obsession with great delight. Who knew Charlie had such darkness under that joyful exterior? Such lovely entertainment you were turning out to be! He supposed she just needed a push to take initiative. Alastor was more than happy to provide that push.

How curiously she responded when informed of your well-hidden ordeal—your soul entangled with another overlord. He marveled at the unraveling emotions—the depth inconceivable—as she realized the extent of your suffering and how you endured abuse and exploitation with minimal complaint. The devastation and disbelief ignited a fire neither knew could burn so bright, quickly replacing those overwhelming feelings with chilling rage.

You’d been suffering this whole time in silence! Could she have been any more blind?

She’d refrained from using the power she wielded and had always disliked issuing commands, but now the desire to make your abuser pay consumed her. Alastor was more than happy to assist; the unfolding entertainment was more than satisfactory as payment.

The transfer of your contract was a simple ordeal, with the promise of sparing your abuser from her wrath. Of course, she happily neglected to mention Alastor in her deal. Whatever agony he had planned was beyond her control. The dark satisfaction she felt as she listened to their screams sent a tight grin to her lips. The sight sent a shiver down Alastor's spine and momentarily unsettled his demeanor. He wondered just how deeply that obsession was rooted and how far she might go to protect you. How entertaining indeed!

She hadn’t anticipated that once she had your soul securely in her possession, those sinister cravings would intensify.

Won’t you let her hold onto it for just a little while longer? It’s only until you’re redeemed, okay? There’s no safer place than by her side! No one would be able to take advantage of you again. She could protect you and treat you well! You trust her, don’t you?

Charlie had always believed in sacrificing her own happiness for the ones she loved, but now she couldn't help but entertain that selfish desire to keep you close. Together, you can build your own paradise—heaven in hell. She can offer you the same solace and peace you so crave. And in her passionate plea, she hopes you might come to understand the depths of her affections and the lengths she would go to protect you. Especially if protecting you means never letting you go.

She may have been hesitant of her creeping darkness at first, but has come to embrace it. She’s convinced herself she’s only doing what is best for you. Though she’s delusional, her affections are genuine. You’ll come to find comfort in her obsession; you lost that choice the moment you stepped into the hotel.

Make yourself comfortable; you’ll be a guest at the hotel for all of your enteral afterlife.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Who will be your future love? 😍

A fun reading to see who will be your future love. This reading is mainly for the singles but I really won't judge lmao. The definition of future love in this reading is the lover you will likely to be with for a long period of time, like at least a year.

We will explore some characteristics of your future love, and see if there is any suggestions to clear some obstacles in your way of love. Also, if you don't like what you see, you can always work on changing it, as nothing is set in stone for your future.

As this is a general reading, please just take what resonates and leave the rest behind. Hope this reading can provide you guidance for a fulfilling relationship.

👇🏻 Pick a heart you felt drawn to👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Your future love will appear in a time that you feel lost, and cannot find a focus to pour your energy into. This will be a time that you don't feel like you're doing anything at all, even though you believe you're trying really hard, or feeling extremely frustrated as you feel that you have no choice but to make no move in life.

Your future love is a person who is innovative and inspiring. They will bring you ideas, or inspire you to come up with ideas that you've never thought of before. Their appearance will bring significant help with your situation. Not only they can bring you new solutions to your situation that you feel so lost in, they are also very willing to take care of you even when you're not in your best shape. They will be there to listen to your frustrations, tolerate your bad temper, and will try their very best to bring back the happier, healthier version of you.

They are also perfectly fine with you not making any progress at all. They just love the way you are, and will never push you to make progress if you're not comfortable with. Some lovers may be in a relationship with the intention of getting financial support or some boost in their social status. Your future lover is the total opposite of this. They really just love you for who you are.

Although they are very willing to help you get out of your struggles, you have to have the mindset to be willing to get out of the struggles. It seems that they are a bit pessimistic, like they have a sad boy/girl/person vibe. So if you let yourself become a complete mess, they will probably be too scared to reach you. Even if they are willing to be with you, things just won't work out if two of you are both sad af. Also, I feel that if you let yourself lose all the motivation to get out of your struggle, the universe will make sure that you find your spirit first, before letting a person to come into your life to help you out.

It's not that you have to be 100% happy in order to meet your future love, it's really about having the will to move forward. It is very normal to feel bad when in shitty situations. It's more devastating when you don't see any methods to solve the problems in that moment. However, what matters is you have the hope for a solution, and have the determination to put in the work when a possible situation is presented to you. The universe will provide you with the resources you need to move on, which includes your future love. But you can't just wish for someone to save you and not doing anything but wishing.

Pile 2

I am very sorry to say this but it seems that you're not attracting the best partner for you with your energy right now. So this reading will probably be a warning for you and to provide you guidance on how to attract better people in your life.

I can see that you are having a very pessimistic view on true love, or just love in general for now. However, you have an urge to prove yourself wrong, or to pour your love into someone else, and you want it to happen real quick.

You will have an opportunity to meet a person that you can pour your love and energy into, but it doesn't seem that they're worth it. First, it seems that they are not loyal, and are constantly comparing you with other options they have in love. This also makes them to not be patient with you. You may have the potential to stick with them for a long period of time. However, from what I see, it will basically be a waste of time, as they will never be able to give you the commitment you want, since they're constantly looking for better person.

Second, they have toxic aggressive traits, especially when you are attracted to masculine people. It seems that they love to see people struggling and be sad, including you. So, they will sad really mean things to make you feel really bad about yourself. For some of them, they will even spread rumors about you to your social circles, so they can enjoy some drama. Some of them may not be that sadistic and may be rude due to them having a very low self esteem. But it's still not nice to have someone who will keep you down.

Also, they often make impulsive, poor decisions, but will be really mad if you don't tolerate their behaviour. Actually they don't even like it when you have opinions on their actions. They may also have violence tendencies so you should really not consider them to be your partner at all.

(Extra notes: they may be in your workplace so watch out for sus people)

Sorry for bringing up so much bad news. Now it's time to give you some advice to improve your future. Nothing is set in stone so you can always make your future better.

First, you have to really take the time to develop your sense of self. It seems that you are too reliant on others to provide you value. For example, you may think that you are only desirable if you have a romantic partner. However, such mindset makes you really vulnerable to being manipulated by toxic people. You have to work on believing that you are desirable, attractive and have high value even when you're alone. Your value comes from yourself, not from others. You have to believe that even when no one appreciates your ideas, talents, etc., they still have value. The right person that can truly appreciate you for who you are will appear in your life in the future. However, if you never appreciate yourself, no one will do it for you, and that person will never come too.

Second, you have to be patient in love. The right person may take time to find you, but they will eventually find you. You don't have to wish for them 24/7 for them to come. Instead, you should take time to improve yourself, so you will be well prepared when they finally enter your life. Please feel more comfortable in putting your energy into yourself, because the right one won't blame you for that. If you meet someone that's mad because you're working on yourself instead of giving them attention 24/7, then they're NOT the right person. They're an energy vampire that you will want to get rid of.

(From this song, I feel that the person I am describing may be your ex. If this is your case, it means that you still not over your ex. Your energy is still stuck in the past. You really have to work on moving forward, or you will be stuck in the cycle and keep meeting bad person again, and again, until the lesson is learned ☹️😞 Take time in working on yourself, instead of looking for a new person to get over your ex.)

Pile 3

Omg pile 3 your future lover is dominant af. They give me the vibe of daddy fr. (They don't have to be masculine tho.) If a dominating person is what you want in your life, then congratulations pile 3, because they're coming in full force omg.

You will most likely meet them when you cut ties with a group of friends, which is probably not good for you at all. You feel so relieved, and so confident after doing so. You feel like a winner in life and then you meet your future love, which makes you win harder 🔥🔥💯

I feel that they really treat you as THE ONE in their life. Their goal in this relationship is to marry you. If you're not into marriage, they still want them to be your last lover, vice versa.

They just want to love you and hold you in the palm of their hands. They will try their best to make sure that you will never escape them. They will try their best to provide you answers to all your questions. They will probably also work their ass off to provide you with financial stability, so you will never have to work a day ever again. I get the vibe that they really want to keep you and love you like a pet (a kitty to be specific 😭). They will even try their best on bed, so the passion will forever be there, and you will feel like the first day of love everyday. 😭 I can really see that they will literally do anything for you. The only bad thing is that they're obviously obsessive. Their love may be suffocating, so you may want to communicate with them if they're making you really uncomfortable.

There will be no secret between you two in this relationship. If you have any confusion about them, they will try to make things crystal clear for you. I can really see the minds of you two merge into one, in a good way. Also, I feel that your future love will be very attractive, charismatic, and if you're attracted to masculine, they will be really handsome and hot too. I can feel that they're really good in bed too. So energetic, and passionate. It's like they will never be tired of you. 😭😭 Man you really be winning 😭💯👍🏻🔥

[nonbinarypirat]

Learning how to be selfish (another iruma focused deep dive. Spoilers for iruma kun manga)

I promise I won’t ONLY focus on iruma as a character. I plan to do a post on many characters and scenes, especially since I have been breezing through the story. As a hobbiest writer and actor, I love to go back and reflect on scenes, read them multiple times, and learn why a character did what they did. And I want to share these thoughts with y’all. It’s just that, I have hit Opera becoming a teacher and decided this is the perfect time to take a pause and reflect on this new side of iruma we are seeing poking through. (And YES I most definitely screamed when they became a teacher, my nonbinary icon.) so yeah, I plan to make a lot of posts, but it’s another iruma only one today. Take a shot every time I say selfish or greedy in this tho, I repeat it so often. No thesaurus is being used today.

Ok, im loving that Iruma is becoming more selfish. I especially loved Iruma telling Purson that he’s learned that it’s ok to do selfish acts and stick with what you want to do rather than doing what people want or expect of you. This is the first sign of Iruma breaking out of just saying yes to things. Saying no can be so difficult, especially if you have lived your entire live thinking that was the only option for you to do. He’s too kind, and trained, so he said yes to basically anything even at the risk of hurting or exhausting himself. I appreciated this moment because Purson similarly doesn’t feel like he has many choices. He loved his family and wants to support the family business, but feel dragged along with the whims of his father.

Though I guess it’s kind of a misnomer to say that the scene with Purson is the “first” time we have heard greedy being applied to Iruma. Amelie was the first person and at first I didn’t fully get what she meant. I think I kind of just dropped that part of the conversation as unimportant. But it’s actually super important for us as the audience to understand his character going forward. At the beginning, Iruma didn’t have a lot of motivations, merely being led by whatever happened in the Netherworld. He was in a manner of speaking, selfless to an unhealthy degree. It was only by learning to set a goal for himself that he started to feel (at least to me) as an active participant to the world at large. And Amelie was the one who inspired that in him in the first place. Amelie was the first one to call him selfish/greedy (to my recollection) which is fitting as the character who pushed him so far.

I also think I should clarify that I don’t use the term selfish in this case as a negative. In fact, I’m happy he is becoming a greedy character. Because Iruma won’t abuse this trait of his. Selfishness without kindness and care is dangerous. Without empathy and compassion, greed quickly turns into cruelty. Iruma has these traits though. He has the morals and love to utilize his selfishness to the fullest. Selfishness and kindness can go hand to hand. In fact, I think this is the best quality for one to have. The desire to strive towards your wants while understanding that you can’t treat the people and environment as expendable. And Iruma has the deadly combination of selfishness, caring, and determination.

Which leads us into the 13’s Dinner in which they talk about food bringing out who a demon really is. I loved this scene because it highlights what people could see on the surface when faced with Iruma’s gluttony (aka greed). Baal said “it’d terrifying to think of what he’d be like as a king” (paraphrasing) but that’s without understanding the core fundamentals of who Iruma is. We see him try to force this idea onto Sabro too, saying iruma is pushing his grandfather’s weight around to turn him against Iruma. That’s just widely untrue. Baal, and honestly so many of the Six Fingers from what we’ve seen so far, believe that people are just like them. That deep down, they are (or could be forced into) the rotten type of selfishness that their group takes pride in. True, people can be forced to do cruel things. That doesn’t mean thats who you are fundamentally however. Baal lacks the love that Iruma is overflowing with. And so he equates selfishness with cruelty. He thinks that if he experiences this certain flavor of the trait, that must mean everyone else experiences it the same way too.

Either way, Iruma is a character that is shaping up to be someone who has many desires. From zero to infinity, And what makes him so likable is that he’s willing to do anything to protect those desires. To protect the life he has built and the people he has come to cherish. He wants it all. His friends, soulmates (and yes you better believe I will post a screaming post about that at some point), Amelie, family, good food, fun, adventure, Balam, Kalego and so much more. He wants everything. And he’s also willing to do anything it takes to protect these desires. More than that, he’s always grateful to the life he has built here, to the people who have opened up their hearts to, and for the beautiful home he has created. And that’s the reason why I can’t wait to see Iruma grow into the wonderful selfish person he deserves to be.