#i have to stop because its 1 am and i am making myself hungry

[nicosraf]

Okay so I am interested in the foods our angels and demons enjoy!! Do you have certain meals that you imagine them to eat? I'm sure there's limitations for the angels since they don't eat much meat up in heaven. But I also think about all the delicious soups they must enjoy :) I can only imagine the flavors they create with all the time they have

I imagine angels eat the kind of food you find in the worldwide Latina belt

I'm actually not totally joking. When I think of angel food in ABM, I think a lot of Latine, SWANA, South Asian, and Southeast Asian food. The reason for this is because these regions are pretty heavy on the spices and (some) on the heat, too! I think angels really love spicy food; the heat provides some very delicious pain in their eternally pleasurable paradise.

I take a lot of inspo from Mexico and India especially. Mexico not just cause I'm from there but because a lot of popular dishes have vegetarian origins (due to the lack of big cattle in the country before colonization and reliance on beans as protein). And India, of course, has a very significant vegetarian population :)

So, yeah, I imagine all types of curries, big vegetable soups, bean dishes, hummus dishes, bean and rice dishes, vegetable and rice dishes, rice noodle dishes, tofus in tomato sauce... pozoles and moles. Chilaquiles... so on and so on...

EDIT: oop i just realized i forgot to answer the part about demon food…. I hope you don't mind if i return to this a lil later...

[paddlescuddlesbubblesgurgles]

so around the start of the summer I ate literally as much as my body could possibly handle every day, every meal. I got in the habit of gorging myself until I could hardly breathe, could not stand or sit or even lay down comfortably, and my belly was aching. I couldn’t even sleep, nor could I really do much of anything but sit there helplessly and gasp or groan at how big I’d gotten, and how full I’d become. This was exactly what I wanted.

I was consuming between 7000-12000 calories a day during this time. This lasted about 2 months or so, maybe 10 weeks. I rarely took a break, and this had…intense consequences on my capacity. I routinely ate things like: entire family sized dinner portions for each component(vegetables, starches, meats). Family sized fast food meal deals(usually about 5 combos worth). 7-8 combos from various fast food places(usually their entire menu). Party sized or tailgater tray offerings from restaurants(usually enough for 10-15 people).

I cannot become full now. No matter what I do, if I’m not eating literally family sized portions, I’m not filled. I can become comfortably satiated after 3-4 meals at once, but my belly constantly yearns for more.

I finally have started experiencing some of the crazy ‘feedism fantasy’ tropes I thought weren’t real (or at least greatly exaggerated due to ya know…writing lol). Things like

I literally can get hunger pangs WHILE MY STOMACH HAS A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF FOOD INSIDE. I’m talking I’ve already eaten a heavy plate that is literally 3-4lbs of food. Gone. Inside me. But my belly has the NERVE to growl around it and demand more food.

Sometimes I become anxious when the only amount of food available to me is a normal serving size (this is honestly the hottest. I’m talking whiny, worried, needy feelings because I only got enough food for 1 person.)

i crave eating 24/7, or for long periods. I catch myself daydreaming about sitting down with enough food for a large gathering, and stuffing it all inside myself for literal hours. I’m not kidding, I want to eat for 6-8 hours straight of almost nonstop consumption. I just want to sit down, lean back with my gut supported by my lap or my couch, and stuff it so completely full. I would prefer if my primary activity for the day was eating.

hunger and arousal are now so completely linked I almost cannot experience one without the other…which means I’m hungry and horny pretty much unceasingly. Constantly my mind goes back to sex and eating. I’m literally just daydreaming in the background about when I will get to open my mouth next.

I’ve now eaten many of the feeding fantasy portions. Family meals, party trays, entire cakes, multiple entire pizzas, entire trays of baked goods, entire boxes of cakes, a box of donuts, entire pies, and generally levels of excess that I can only describe as obscene.

This has caused me to really fatten up. I gained 40 or so lbs from the end of March to the middle of July. I also happened to do this without an encouraging, physical, coercive or forceful feeder, which means if I were to have these (what I desperately crave), I imagine I would reach new capacity heights. I primarily eat for fullness. I love that food drunk fullness feeling where my entire body stops functioning properly. I love feeling like all I can literally do is let my belly do its thing and process all the food I gave it. I’m desperate for it. I constantly crave it. The weight gain is an unintentional but welcomed side effect of my incessant gorging.

I cannot wait for my next opportunity. I have so many ideas. Will I finally try 3 pizzas? Will I try to eat more foot longs than I am tall? Will I make myself an entire family banquet and then greedily try and eat it myself? I need to do it soon. I can’t keep eating enough for 6-7 people each day…I need more, and I need it all at once.

[mariscandyheart]

tips not to bing3! from someone who is 60 days (2 months) free of bing3ing

disclaimer: these tips worked for me and helped me to stop bing3ing they may or may not help you, also not promoting anything! (might have to make another post lol)

so first off I only started bing3ing (that I was aware of when I started restricting) I have recently realized that I was far into bin3ing wayy before restricting came into play

I would literally sneak food into my room at night (my room is in the basement) and I would heat up ramen noodles in the microwave and eat that at like 11pm, not only that but during the day I would sneak food that my mom said to get rid downstairs to hide it to bing3 on later that night.

it was super overwhelming and gross I didn't realize it then but I was miserable because I ate so much and it's not like I was hungry I was bored.

I'm not sure when exactly my bing3ing started when I wasn't super aware of it or why, I think it was just me loathing in self pity, and how I was so sad with my body and looks.

but when I did start restricting its like I wasn't taking myself seriously so I would start a fast end it like a hour later than bing3. I was also jumping to far into to restricting too soon.

Another trigger would be when I would weigh myself and weather I would lose or gain I would bing3. I feel like this is because if I would lose I would feel the need to reward myself or if I would gain I would want to give up.

ANYWAYS

here's what I did to stop bing3ing (finally sorry for yapping)

first thing first identity the triggers what triggers you to bing3?

after you do that try and overcome those things when you feel like your going to binge, for example I started thinking do I really this food? the answer was no.

am I bored or actually hungry?

you'll want to get to the deep root cause of your bing3ing, looking at th!nspo and drinking a gallon of water is not going to help.

so if your like me and bing3ed when you weigh yourself, try cutting down weigh ins to like every other day or maybe 1-2 a week. I know it can be hard but try to not get too discouraged or too excited when weighing.

if you feel discouraged think about how far you have came to be where you are, and if your just starting it will take time. giving up in yourself will not help anything it will only so damage.

if you lost that's fantastic! and of course you deserve a reward but let's make sure it's not food (and if it is think about portion control and be cautious of what you choose) here are some other things to reward yourself with other than food!

- new outfit

- a gift card to your fav store or online game/shopping

- new stainonary (if that's what you like)

- new book

- new makeup/skincare

- anything you like really (clothes, nail polish, shoes, hair stuff, a game or CD you like)

anyways this post is lowkey long so I'll make another soon! take care and stay safe ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

AGAIN TAKE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!! ♡

[carlossainzwho]

dear angel lacy, eyes white as daisies

dad!carlos sainz x mom!reader

no one is giving me the girl dad content i want of carlos so i thought i should do some myself. enjoy!

lacy woke in the morning as a four-year-old girl. she ran to her parents bedroom, only to find it empty, bed neatly done and no mummy and daddy. confused, she ran down the stairs, her little legs carrying her little body and burst into the living room.

she couldn't believe her eyes - purple and pink balloons hung from the ceiling, birthday banners were spread across the walls and a small pile of presents lay on the side of the room.

she bounced to the kitchen and there stood her parents - daddy was making fresh chocolatey special pancakes and mummy was putting up a massive banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY LACY!

'mummy! daddy! i'm a big girl now!' lacy squealed delightedly

'aw, my baby is such a grown-up! happy birthday mi amor' y/n turned around and planted a giant kiss on her little girl's forehead.

she turned to her daddy and jumped up and down. 'yayy, daddy making pancakes! i love you daddy!'

'and what about me?' y/n retorted

'of course i love you mummy!'

y/n~instagram

to my dearest little angel lacy, my daisy-eyed princess, happy 4th birthday! mummy and daddy love you 💖

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 481,455 more

carlossainz55: i remember when she was a tiny little baby 🥰

liked by yn~instagram

landonorris: happy birthday to lacy! love, your favourite uncle - you look better in papaya! 😌

oscarpiastri: happy birthday lacy, from your REAL favourite uncle! although i also agree, she definitely looks better in mclaren gear!

carlossainz55: no she doesn't pastry oscarpiastri: you bet she does, sainz yn~instagram: stop fighting you two! 🙄 oscarpiastri: yes m'am 🫡

user 1: not oscar and carlos fighting lmao

user 2: she's so fkn cute!

user 3: such a beautiful little girl!! happy bday lacy!!!!!!!

charlesleclerc: i still think i should let her wear some of my merch... the number 16 looks better on her

yn~instagram: no she doesn't, shut up frenchie

liked by pierre gasly

charlesleclerc: how dare pierre like the comment! pierregasly: the woman's go a point, charles yn~instagram: let's not forget that you are french too, pierre 🫣

liked by charlesleclerc and carlossainz55

pierregasly: ugh 🙄

carlossainz55

can you guess who the birthday girl is?

tagged: yn~instagram

liked by p1_coach, danielricciardo and 451,830 more

yn~instagram: the birthday girl is lacy!

landonorris: save some cake for me please? 👉👈

oscarpiastri: me too danielricciardo: me three p1_coach: me four! some for harlow would do too! yn~instagram: why are all of you so damn hungry 😭 carlossainz55: sorry guys i ate all of it landonorris: goddamit carlos!!

user 4: im on my knees its MY dream bday party

user 5: such a pretty girl awwwww

user 6: oh to be carlos sainz's daughter

liked by carlossainz55

user 6: HOLY SHIT HE LIKED THE COMMENT

user 7: gasp user 6: GASP INDEED

yn~instagram

got the birthday girl lacy some ice-cream!

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, lilyzneimer

liked by oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer and 355,102 more

landonorris: lacy didn't let me have some of her ice cream 😪

oscarpiastri: well she did for me, so I'M the favourite papaya uncle landonorris: no, i am! yn~instagram: for the last time, STOP. FIGHTING. oscarpiastri: yes m'am 🫡

user 8: not oscar and LANDO fighting now lmao

user 9: god i love them all

lilyzneimer: the birthday girl definitely looks happy with that ice cream! although, i do recommend strawberry flavour for next time!

liked by yn~instagram and carlossainz55

user 10: who knew f1 drivers could be such dweebs?

yn~instagram: the only dweeb on this planet is charles damn leclerc charlesleclerc: hey!

user 11: oh to be a fly on the wall in an ice-cream parlour... *sighs*

liked by carlossainz55

thanks for reading! liking and reblogging will help so much! you are always loved <3

of course, more olivia rodrigo has been used because she is STUNNING!

dividers by @firefly-graphics - thanks so much! your dividers are amazing!

[errielovesu]

Too sweet

chapter 1 of my first oc fanfiction, please be nice to be I cringe too don't worry, be sure to read the prologue for some extra context or something and yeah enjoy :3 (not proof read im too lazy)

cw/tw: none as of now

Besides beer himeno is a sucker for strawberry milk and maybe banana milk, usually one or the other is in stock but this time had to be my lucky day when none of them are in stock and now i'm not sure what i'm going to fill the fridge with now since we can't just only have beer in there, frustrated I head to the checkout counter and pay for the pain au chocolat that i've always had since I was a child, casually I walk myself back to me and himeno’s apartment, it's around 10 am and she's probably still asleep.

Yesterday everyone in division 4 went out for drinks, rare thing now a days but himeno wanted an excuse to not drink alone or with me since apparently, lately i've just been quiet maybe that's why himeno took me out to drink, it was nothing out the ordinary just so light drinking for me and just having mindless conversation with the other members. As I approach the elevator to get up to my floor I spot a familiar face. “Val-len-tine!!!” Power’s voice echoes through the lobby as she runs at full speed towards my direction she quickly gets ahold of my arm and squeezes me, clear that someone did not want to cook breakfast for the hungry girl, Denji approaches with caution since Power dislikes him talking to me, “Hey valentine, the evil man over there told us no breakfast from him because me and power stayed up playing cards and he couldn’t get his beauty sleep” denji exclaims, looking into powers eye she nods and points at the tall “evil” man that did not cook them a breakfast, I walk towards him as he looks anywhere but my direction. 

“Hey aki..” I poke him on the shoulder, “did you not get your beauty sleeep?” I continue the joke, still not even a look from the man, power snarks at him, “Lets just go up to your apartment and you can make me a delicious breakfast, i'm starving hereeeeeeeee” power squeals, I sigh and nod in agreement, “You're welcome to join too by the way aki…ill let you use the balcony, yeah?” usually I wouldn’t dare let him near the balcony or himeno, I told them if they needed to smoke to do it somewhere else because I couldn’t stand my plants dying, aki looks back, making eye contact with me then power, he slowly starts walking towards the elevator, “I think I just convinced him to stop being evil power” I chuckle.

Opening the door to the apartment, denji and power scurry like rats into the couch and bean bag in the living room, I set my bag down at the kitchen and head to wake up the sleeping himeno herself, knocking softly on the door I call out her name and after a few russels and groans she's up, “You better wear something to cover yourself or no food for you” knowing she will not obey my instruction she walks out in whatever she passed out with. The tv is on, the apartment is loud and warm. “Powers plate is on the left, the rest of you can sit wherever you want” I slightly demand with my voice, everyone surrounds the table and aki is nowhere to be found but of course one glance to the right and he is right on the balcony just admiring the totally interesting sky, I get up from my seat and walk over to the sliding doors that enclose the balcony, sliding them gently and stepping over and sliding the door shut behind me. “I did your job, could you finish now and have something to eat?” He glances my direction, I can barely look at him because its so bright outside, squinting my eyes I ask him to come in, he throws the cigarette out the window, “before you sit down though, can you wash your hands? I can barely stand the smell on himeno when we eat I don't need you to add on to her please” I ask with a bit of sarcasm on my face, Aki never gives me any reactions when I speak, sometimes I hate speaking to him, it feels like i'm speaking to a wall that thinks im stupid or something. “I got it.” Finally a response comes out of his mouth, I motion towards the table and slide the door open again. 

Today is rather quiet, it's about noon now and everyone is doing their own thing around the apartment, himeno and aki are talking, and i'm over here babysitting power and denji. “You know she doesnt like boys, stop trying to talk to her” power sticks her tongue out at denji, “why is this always a discussion with you two? Denji doesnt even talk to me because you scare him away power, look at where he's sitting right now power” I laugh as denji is a good 2 feet away from me, powers attachment to me makes me happy, she's sweet and funny when she isn't doing anything for personal gain and her cat likes me so she automatically likes me more because of meowy. 

“Val, we need to start heading out soon, please kick them out I don't want to do it myself” Himeno says walking towards her room, I stand up and sigh, “well you heard her, you guys also have things to do so please make her happy” I start walking the duo towards the door, aki follows behind me as I open the door for power and denji to walk out, I move to the side to give aki a chance to leave as well, as hes walking out he looks at me, weird, he's just staring me down like he wants to say something, “Thanks.” That's it? It took him that long to utter the word thanks? I dislike non aggressive aki…it's hard to speak to him when he's giving me auto generated response, “anytime, but don’t think ill let you smoke near my plants again” I smile at him, he starts walking towards the elevator where denji is waving goodbye to me and power is just intensely looking at him, waving back I close the door and head to change myself. 

Himeno and I headout the house and embark on whatever Ms.Makima has planned for us and it'll always end with himeno complaining, either way it's the job we have to do so she’ll shut up eventually. Himeno opens the door for me to enter Makimas office, “Hello, valentine.” makima said to me, greeting himeno next. “I've been alerted about a demon with a piece of the gun devil is roaming around Shinjuku station, it's unknown what type of demon it is, if you could go and patrol that area to give everyone peace of mind it would be appreciated.” Quickly me and himeno leave to head to our destination, and soon the complaining will start. “Shinjuku? Really the most populated place we could go to, I hate her stupid assignments, its always some low level slime sucking devil!” I just let her take it out, we shortly started heading towards a train to take us. 

Arriving at Shinjuku station I'm quickly distracted by the thousands of stores I could be exploring but sadly I'll have to focus on finding the devil disturbing, me and himeno walk the streets up and down just patrolling with nothing to be found. Me and himeno stop for some lunch, i'm not really interested in eating anything so I just had a drink while with fascination I watch her eat the burger she bought, wondering what this day is gonna lead us to.

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

The Story of Us - Dada

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY H! WE LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH!

February 1, 2023.

Harry. Palm Springs, California. 8:45 AM.

I let out a deep breath as I was pulled out from the deep slumber I had fallen once I returned to our rented home from the arena, and as I laid there I smiled when I remembered what I had been dreaming about; two girls sitting in a swing set while Y/N pushed them, and little squeaks and laughs could be heard everywhere.

I was still in shock with the fact that we were having another little girl joining us sooner rather than later, and things were starting to move faster than I was able to comprehend. I reached across the bed hoping to find a warm body lying there, maybe even two, but to my surprise the bed was cold and empty.

I stretched myself before getting out of bed and putting on my slippers and opening the blinds, the air had a certain chill, but the weather was still warm and very enjoyable. As I made my way downstairs I smiled when I heard Bluey playing on the tv and I could smell the egg frittata and something sweet cooking.

When I rounded the corner to the kitchen, I smiled so big because right in front of me was everything I have always wanted; a baby sitting in her highchair eating some fruit, and a hot sexy wife who was carrying our second little girl cooking breakfast for us.

I walked to where my Missus was standing and kissed her cheek, she smiled before turning and giving me a peck before whispering, “Hi baby! Happy birthday husband of mine!”, I smiled and continued to peck her lips while we laughed a little, “Thank you my lovely wife, you look so beautiful this morning”

She smiled and I saw a blush decorate her cheeks, “You’re too sweet baby; breakfast is almost ready and before you go there, we have a very moody miss today, Bluey is her only friend at the moment, so maybe have your coffee before saying good morning?” I laughed, of course Pippa would be moody when hungry just like her parents.

I nodded and reached for the coffee pot sitting beside her, after taking a sip I ran a hand down her belly, “And this miss? Is she moody today?”, she laughed, “No, she’s being an angel today, I think she’s saving her energy for daddy’s big show tonight huh?”, I kissed her forehead and took another sip of my coffee.

After breakfast was done, we took it out to the patio where she had set a banner that read ‘Happy Birthday Daddy!’ with some balloons, there was a vase with hydrangeas and a card with two tiny handprints which I already knew would find its way to my journal. Once we were ready, we went back inside.

As soon as we made our way back in Pippa stopped paying attention to her TV show and smiled before waving and saying “Mama! Mama!”, we both laughed while we started making our way to her; we had been trying to get her to say dada for a while now, but she refused to acknowledge her favorite parent. Maybe one day.

Once she realized I was standing behind Y/N, her eyes gleamed again before she banged her hands on the tray table before screaming out “Dada!”, as soon as the words left her tiny lips I stopped on my tracks, and Y/N did too before she reacted and reached for the baby who was now begging to be held.

I was still in shock when she started making her way with Pippa to me before whispering, “Who’s that baby? Huh? Who’s that?”, Pippa smiled before turning to look at me and reaching out while screaming “Dada!”, I sniffled before pulling her into my arms and kissing her temple.

I had always imagined the emotions I would feel when she called me her dad, but nothing would ever compare to what I was feeling right now while I cuddled my baby while I cried my eyes out after hearing her calling me dad. We stayed like that for a few moments, and as in sync we both pulled back and pressed our foreheads together, she smiled and said once more, “Dada”, I sniffled and kissed her nose before whispering “Hi baby girl, I love you”

I turned to look at Y/N who also had some tears in her eyes and sniffled before coming to stand next to us before kissing my peck and whispering, “Is this the bestest birthday present ever?”, I laughed, sniffled, and nodded, “This is everything I could ever wish for my 29th birthday baby”

From H 🤍 to Friends & Fam (9:15 AM): Guess who just said Dada 🥹

Taglist @adoredeanna @alienorknight @b-reads-things @be-with-me-so-happily @behindmygreyeyes @cherrylovesblog @clarawolf22 @daphnesutton @dayxoxodreamer @dirtytissuebox @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @goldenlouvr @groovychaosavenue @harrysficreblog @harryspirate @hoya122 @imaginesofdreams @i-got-the-cinema @infinitely-yellow @irelilien @itsgabbysblog @itsgigikay @jgoff717 @kathy522 @kaitieskidmore1 @last-saturday-night @michellekstyles @msolbesg @qualitygiantshoepsychic @sarcas-latte @shawnsblue @sunshinemoonsposts @tinydeskwriter @tinydestinybear @tpwkstyles1d @voosa @watercolorskyy @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry

[selineram3421]

Petit Lapin Blanc

Part 1

Prologue

Alastor and Human Child Reader

:Platonic:

Warning! ⚠

⚠ humans being weird ⚠

~

You were watching the white rabbit on the t.v. It was hopping around in circles. Then someone called out to you.

Looking over, you see a red man.

"Could you tell me how you got here?", the man before you asked, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

How I got here? You think, trying to remember but come up with nothing.

A pout appeared on your face.

"I-I don't remember. I don't-", you hiccup and start to cry.

"Come now, there's no use in crying!", the red man says and pats the top of your head. "Are you hungry? Hm?", he asks cupping your face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

His claws brush against your hair as he does so.

You notice that he's still smiling. Not at all angry that about you crying.

"I'm not hungry.", you sniff, holding your rabbit tighter.

"Let's get you somewhere safer, yes? There's a lot of strange folk here.", he says and stands up.

Tall. You think, having to look all the way up to keep eye contact.

"Would you like to come with me? If not that's fine too.", he says and holds a hand out to you.

You look at his hand and then back at him.

"I'm not supposed to follow strangers.", you tell him.

"Oh, you're quite right! I'll introduce myself.", he says, standing straight and fixing his coat. "I am Alastor! A Radio Host, specifically from around the 1920s."

"That's a long time ago.", you comment.

"Yes, but not too long ago.", he smiles kindly. "May I know you? You're quite the stranger now."

"Hmm..", you hum with a smile, putting a finger to your chin and pretending to think about it.

He notices your change of mood and his smile widens.

"Ok.", you say and give him a nickname. "I can't give you a real one, because you seem like a fae, mister."

"Me? A fae? Hahahaha!", he laughs.

Heads of nearby demons turn but some don't look for long. There's a few still watching.

"I'm not fae but close enough little one.", he chuckles, wiping a fake tear away. "Now that we are acquainted, would you like to come stroll with me? I'll see if I can help you out of this rabbit hole you've fallen into.", he holds his hand out to you again.

"No tricks?", you ask, lifting a hand up.

"No tricks, cross my heart.", he says and makes an X mark over his chest.

You squint at him. The man shows the hand behind his back. No fingers crossed.

Taking a hold of his hand, you decide to follow him for now. Both of you begin to walk together.

"Where am I by the way?", you ask.

"Somewhere you are not meant to be.", he says. "Worry not! I'll try to help you find your way back home."

If I'm supposed to be at home, how did I end up here? You thought and looked to your stuffed rabbit friend. Maybe home wasn't safe and I left.

You couldn't be too sure with not remembering, but for now you would follow the cheshire cat-like man.

He seemed like the safest option for now.

"I wonder.", Alastor said.

"Wonder what?", you ask, looking up at him.

"What is your favorite color?", he asks and looks over to you.

"Not this.", you say, pulling at your clothes. "I don't like these clothes either. Its not comfortable."

"Then let's get you new ones. Comfort is just as important as style.", he says.

"You do have a point.", you say with a nod. "Where can I find comfortable new clothes?"

Alastor stops and lifts you up. Letting you sit on his hip.

"There! Now you'll be able to see where we are going.", he says and points to a direction to the left. "We'll go that way. I have a friend who has a shop that sells all sorts of things."

"Really? Like what?", you ask interested.

"Let's see.", the man in red says and begins walking again. "She sells clothes, jewelry, china, handkerchiefs, letter openers.", he lists off.

"China?", you say confused.

"Like tea sets. Cups, plates, bowls.", he clarifies.

"So fancy cups and bowls?", you say.

"Yes, fancy cups and bowls.", he nods.

Looking at the man, you see that he has two fluffy looking things on his head. Also two small antlers.

"Mister Alastor, are you sure you're not fae?", you ask. "A faun?"

"No, I am not little one. Close but I am not fae.", he says again. "I'll tell you later, promise. And just Alastor is fine dear."

All you do is hum and pet your toy rabbit, resting your head on his shoulder. Looking up, you see a red sky.

I wonder of there's a fire somewhere. You thought drowsily, feeling yourself starting to sleep. I'll sleep for a little bit. I'm safe now.

With that, you let darkness take a hold of you.

.

Foster homes were something that you had to get used to.

The first few were terrible.

One had a weird man that made holes in the walls. Another had a woman who was mean to everyone, and the one before you got to the most recent had a couple that didn't like each other anymore.

The new one you were in now had an older couple.

You had just arrived to your new temporary home. The social worker opened the car door for you and helped get your bag out. The only thing you had to carry was your white rabbit.

Standing before the two, you took in their appearance. The man wore a dark suit and the woman wore fancy pastel clothes, like she was going to church.

"Hello little one!", the woman greeted you with a smile.

You didn't like that kind of smile. It was the one people used to seem harmless, hiding all the bad things they've done.

"Go on, say hello.", the young social worker, Sally said, nudging your shoulder. "Sorry, they're quite shy.", she smiled apologetically to the older couple.

"Oh its no problem.", the woman said waving her hand. "We don't mind."

The man just watched quietly.

"Let's go inside, yes?", Sally said, adjusting your bag and her briefcase. "I want to make sure everything is safe for the child and I'll be on my way."

"Of course!", the woman said and guided you both inside.

The man was the last to enter the home, closing the door.

A ticking sound had caught your attention. Looking around, you don't see a clock.

"We made sure to put away anything that seemed too dangerous.", the woman said while walking both of you to the living room.

The house was old and pretty.

You noted that everything was styled the same. It had a big living room with fancy furniture, a old fireplace, and pictures in detailed gold looking frames.

The two women were talking about paper work that needed signing, now sitting on the couch. It was boring to listen to and all you wanted to do was explore.

"Can I look around?", you ask, hoping to find where the ticking was coming from.

A quick scowl took over the older woman's face as she turned to look at you. Hiding it with a smile when the social worker looked at her.

"Oh, I don't think-", Sally began.

"I'll take them.", the man suddenly spoke up.

You jumped up a bit, forgetting he was behind you and turned to look at him.

"If that's alright?", he said.

"I can't let them leave my sight-", Sally frowned.

"Oh, just give them cookies or biscuits Hank.", the older woman said. "Its just across the hall and into the kitchen. Look, you can even see the table from here.", she pointed.

Sure enough, the kitchen table was visible with a jar sitting on top of it.

"I suppose..", Sally said and sighed. "Alright."

The man, Hank, steps out of the doorway. Gesturing for you to go and get cookies.

You looked at him with a slight glare, not sure if you could trust him, but you do go into the kitchen.

"Now, where do I sign?"

You can hear the older woman ask, the two begin talking again as you make your way over to the table.

Hank also enters the kitchen and gets the jar, opening it for you. Peaking in, you see cookies with white frosting drizzle.

"Sugar cookies.", is all Hank says before putting the jar back on the table and leaving the room.

You pull out a nearby chair and climb on it, sitting on your legs as you take a cookie.

Maybe this home will be better than the other one's. You think and take a bite of the cookie.

~

Smol with tall lol.

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

@stolas-thebirb @c4rved-pumpk1n @ducky-died-inside

Next ➡ Part 2

🐇 ChL | ML for Alastor🎙

[iloveslasher]

Since requests are open and you like BTS and Chucky, I'd like a yandere story where both Charles Lee Ray (both in human and doll form) and Suga like this one girl, but neither can have her, coz she doesn't know they love her. They (both Chucky and Suga) don't know each other, really. But when Chucky's in his doll form, he finds out Suga loves the same girl, too. So he decides to transfer his soul from doll to human using him. At the end, both get the girl. I hope this is OK with your rules.

Yes hon this is okey, I'm sorry if this is late and not what u wanted.

Lover boys

Part 1

Warning(s) : yandere, cussing because its chucky!, dark magic. (if I missed any let me know!)

Her eyes fluttered open, she shut her alarm and went to go take a shower. After she went to go make breakfast, she felt as if she was being watched. Nevermind that she went on with her day, when she walked outside she looked behind her from time to time but no one suspicious in sight.

Her dog came running to her scaring the crap out of her. "Jesus, mushu don't do that." She giggled and picked him up to cuddle. "I have to go to the store mushu I'll be right back okey lil guy" he sat down beside the door and she opened it for the dog. He waddled in happily she smiled at the dog then closed the door. Walking to the car and getting in to go to the store.

When she got there she went in and grabbed a cart. "I need milk." She went towards the dairy aisle. (idk I'm Dutch)

0% fat milk or normal milk? The girl pondered about it. She decided to take the normal milk, she put the milk in her cart and walked backwards into someone. "oh I'm sorry... Sir" she apologised the man turned around and smiled at her. "no worries Y/N" she smiled at him as he walked away and she went to the cashier after she has everything. While waiting in line she realised something. He knew her name. She didn't tell him, she looked around and didn't see him anymore. Freaked out she paid her groceries and quickly walked back home. She arrived and there was a package in front of her door. She unlocked her front door and pulled the package inside the house.

She put the groceries into the fridge and opened the package to find a doll inside it? She didn't order this, he looked kind of creepy but she likes creepy. "good guy doll huh? Didn't they stop selling those because of a criminal?" she said to no one. she shrugged it off and trashed the box leaving the doll on the kitchen island.

Hungry she heated up some food for her and poured mushu some food and water. *𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑝...𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑝..𝑏𝑒-*

The beeping stopped when she opened the microwave, taking the food out and placing it on the table she ate her food.

Part 2

How did you like it so far?

I am terribly sorry for how long this took me.

I have had this in my inbox for 3 maybe 4 years 😔 I am ashamed of myself.

Next part will be up soon

[tideswept]

I was tagged by @yourfavoritefridge and am taking a page from @sendpseuds ('s) book and answering this while deeply compromised. Sober, I am not.

You have been warned!

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

62!

2.) What's your ao3 word count?

800,347! (Ooh, big round number!)

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Kingsman & Star Wars. (I really never thought I'd be in either of them but I'm glad I am.)

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

gold and pink and glittering: 498, Hartwin, E. I'm still surprised to this day how much people liked it. First smut in several years.

the lean and hungry type: 453, Obikin, E. First time getting to do alpha/beta, and written from around 11pm to 4 am and then another hour proofreading. I was mildly delirious, ngl.

offer a little salt for that wound: 463, Hartwin, E. OOH man I had this one in my head and wouldn't leave me tf alone. My plot bunnies aren't USUALLY visual, but this one was!

cold water on your tongue: 429, Obikin, E. Still surprised this one took off tbh! I had a lot of moments where the fic felt awkward to me and not worth salvaging. But I think it makes people happy, and god, I can't really ask for more than that!

somebody to lie in the dark with: 302, Obikin, E. That's the second time today I've typed something instead of someone in that title. HMM. (Sith-Wan, my darling!)

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do when I can! Have a pretty decent streak going, I think? I think I owe a really lovely commenter from like 5 days ago and nnnghh the guilt is heavy.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Potentially empty spaces, empty phrases (Obikin) depending on how you decide the ending goes! But objectively: let me stay (TimJon).

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh fuck, who are you, the cops? (me, looking at my fics in despair)

I think the honor goes to cold water on your tongue. Everything else tends to end in a bittersweet or incomplete ("to be continued") kind of way.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

Not outside of TMA. It's been absolutely lovely being in Kingsman / Obikin fandoms. I genuinely showed up here low-key scared for my life, and I've been shown nothing but kindness and support.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, and welcome to the first of the "UH IDK? [awkward shrug/hand wave]" questions because... I have no idea how to answer that. Like, what are the quantifiers here? Level of depth (NO PUN INTENDED) in how explicit it is, or what bits are rubbing against what bits, or like, if I specialize in any particular kind of smut (if there aren't pins for "I WRITE BDSM SMUT", I demand we print them) or— tldr: IDK. Vibe. The vibe kind. oh my god not vibrator vibe brain why are you doing this

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope. I've thought about fusions, though! Like, I feel a fic where Obi-Wan is a Kingsman and picks Anakin as his candidate--maybe it was Qui-Gon's dying request still, and when Obi-Wan became a knight and a seat next opened up, he reluctantly said, FINE.

(Now I'm wondering what knight Obi-Wan would be. Gawain? The original version of him, not the vulgarized mythos of later romances. Which leaves Anakin to be Agravaian, which is pretty perfect tbh. I mean he could also be Mordred since they're all brothers)

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup! Multiple times. It never stops feeling Not Okay.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of?

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope.

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

oh fuck you are the cops.

Uh. tbh this is a really hard question until I asked myself: a 100k fic written by an amazing author: what pairing would you be more excited about? And my heart... my heart said Hartwin.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ahh, sadly the post-Vday canon divergence Hartwin fic. I'm told it stands on its own as is, though. So maybe that counts for something?

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I have no idea. You saw what happened during the smut question, I fell apart like a jenga tower! And that was a simple question!

Honestly though, I don't know. That I manage to carry enough vibes to be entertaining? That's pretty good.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I will not clutch the camera and shove my face into it and whisper everything in a voice ragged with despair I will not clutch th—

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Google Translate, my dearest friend. (Unless it's Spanish, I can handle that on my own.)

Granted, if I have a friend who speaks the language, you can bet I'm knocking down their door like a SWAT squad.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

UH SO FUNNY STORY. I watched IT (the TV series) when I was like, 7. Was very confused for many reasons (partly because I missed the first hour) but also i was a Weird Child, and also Not American.

But! I didn't know it was based off a book written by a dude, so one day I just... started writing the story down in a notebook when I was 8. Because I figured I liked the movie (I assumed it was a movie at the time) so much, why NOT turn it into something to read?

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Beholding's Own. Lightning-in-a-bottle kind of situation, 10+ year break from writing, and also re-entering fandom after said 10+ year long break. It's really hard to live up to that kind of fondness.

From new fics? the devil is a gentleman. I can't help it, this Obi-Wan and Anakin are hilarious. They are so dumb and yet so smart.

I'm supposed to tag people now for this, so imagine me throwing Your Candy of Choice at @irrationalsense, @veloursdor, @kingdomvel and @howlbrooklyn like a fastball. (And anyone else who'd like to do it!)

[dark-titi]

Day 0: I found this odd puzzle on my bookshelf. All the easiest parts had already been put together, it took me little time to reassemble it, only the sky remained unfinished.

Day 1: Today I didn't made much progress on the puzzle, but it was raining outside so I blame the light.

Day 2: It's way harder than I expected, I sorted the pieces by color but very few seem to match. I wonder if that's some kind of prank.

Day 3: I'm starting to understand why the puzzle was dusting in a corner never to be touched again. This thing is way too hard, but I have my pride at stake.

Day 4: I'm starting to lose my mind. I've lost count of how many hours I've spent on this. I found myself rushing my meal to get back to it.

Day 5: Couldn't sleep last night. Every time I close my eyes I see puzzle shapes, It keeps me awake.

Day 6-7: days pass, I barely it but I'm not hungry, I've started to eat the tin can in my basement. I don't cook it, I don't have that time.

Day 8: I feel like something is wrong, I manage to put some pieces but whenever I take a step back it seems like I made no progress.

Day 9: I started to see patterns in the pieces, some sort of low, I'm not sure yet but I believe there this puzzle is 'deeper' than it seems.

Day 10: I'm sure of it now, I counted all the pieces and there is too many, but there all different and yet seems to belong to this puzzle.

Day 11: I've seen it! I've seen it! On one of the edges, the space was curving! There is more surface hiding somewhere.

Day 15: I've nothing left to eat, it doesn't matter anymore, I feel like time stopped somehow. I've been doing my calculation for quite some time now, but strangely I've not been disturbed for ages now.

Day 23: I've done it, I managed to estimate the 'depth' of this puzzle. According to my calculation its dimension it's surface is close to 1.65. From the outside, it seems normal but it is in fact some sort of fractal.

Day 27: I started to feel the gap between dimensions bit by bit. It takes me a lot to keep focus but I enjoy it. I feel like I'm going to finish it.

Day 56: No…. there is no end to this. At first, I though I could finish but I have a strange feeling that there is an infinite amount of pieces yet to be placed. Every time I put one two more take the place.

Day 67: I had to be sure so I recorded it. I couldn't believe it but pieces seems to have their 'own dimention' but are still bound together. If I pull one, another piece can pop out of its dimension somewhere else.

Day 145: I just noticed that it's blanc outside. Not snow nor day, just blanc like an endless cloud. It matters little, the light is fine that way.

Day 343: I don't know how I'm able to count days since there is no days anymore. I've started to hear some voices coming from the puzzle. It says to not worry because I'm close to the end.

Day 870: I'm not sure I'm alive anymore. Well in a way I am but I feel like my inner time has stopped. Of course, I noticed it long ago, I keep feeling my heartbeat but each pulse is identical to the previous, like a clock.

Day 1456: I got good at thinking in multi-dimension. I understand it, the way it flows. I started seeing new ones everywhere. At first, I thought they were barely visible but I just didn't knew how to look properly.

Day 24650: I see things in that puzzle. Sometimes it's me, really me. It's like watching your limbs and there is your face on it. I want to touch it…

Day 90001283: I see time. And I see the puzzle. Not as a surface or a volume. More like an endless shape, snapping from one dimension to another, somewhere stacking on itself, and the moment after it's larger than the universe. What a fool of me to think I would ever be able to complete it. Might be easier to tie every atom of the universe in an endless rope.

Day ?: Time doesn't make sense anymore. I think I'm way after the end of it. I can't tell. There is no more light, no more space, only me and the puzzle. And the eternity to finish it.

Day &+%: somehow I feel close to the end. How? There is no dark anymore, I'm seeing myself. From everywhere, every angle, every second, every choice. I think everything is getting closer to me.

Day: There is no more time. My thoughts are in the past present and future at the same time. This is the end. I keep telling myself to not worry. That I'm close to the end. Eventually, the universe will let me go and I may finally fade away….

Day -1: I'm not one anymore. We are many, scattered across space like stars, bound together. I cease to exist but We will carry on. We sense it. Time is flowing again, we sense it, in an unexpected direction but it matter not, we will be part of it, this is certain.

Day 0: Some of us felt something, like a little displacement in our dimension. Light, again, suddenly! Something is staring at us, we feel it even though we can't describe it. Names matter not, they never have. The thing is trying to put us back together but we don't want to! We're not afraid, it's been a long time since we're able to move through dimensions. Some of us will get caught eventually, but it's barely our edge. None can understand how we are, and no one will, we'll make sure of that…

[dulcedebusse]

Three months on T babyyyyy

Wanted to share my experience as a hesitant nonbinary person on low (currently 1/4) dose T. This will be long but I'll try to organize.

Body:

-- Overall fat distribution and weight loss. I got cut in like three weeks flat? I think this is due in part to me not knowing how to eat properly with an increased metabolism. But for real. I lost the fat on my arms that had never gone away even on a good work out plans (and ffff even when I was anorexic). I lost most of the little pouch below my belly button. Fat from my legs, gone my dude just GONE. I'm eating properly now and these changes have stayed. I don't work out at all these days but I magically have more definition. I'm ecstatic.

-- Bottom growth. Yes right on day 2 even on low dose. I had a little growth spurt in the first three weeks, during which I was very sensitive and very horny (challenging combination). Since this growth spurt, nothing has changed and the sensitivity has gone down; I'm actually less sensitive than I was before. For me this is great because it was previously very easy to get overstimulated there in a bad/painful way. Hoping for another growth spurt soon. It's CUTE and I LOVE IT.

-- Body hair: no changes as far as I can tell. Maybe some of it grows a little faster. I've let the few hairs I have below my belly button grow out for the first time ever, and I think it's pretty cute.

-- Voice: no change as far as I can tell. Two coworkers did comment on my voice today but I am also sick.

-- Sweat: I notice my palms sweat more often, otherwise no change. This is kind of positive for me since before they'd only sweat if I was an anxiety goo blob; now it's just kind of a normal thing so I no longer associate it with that state.

-- Period: My first one on T was so minor and I got excited. Less mood swings, less pain. The second one... put me down. It was absolutely horrible, extremely painful with bad moodswings, and my dysphoria went through the roof. This was the first time in my life I considered calling out of work for it. I have since started BC to stop my period because my T dose is too low to affect it--that came with a host of other things to deal with. Wish me luck.

-- Chronic pain: I have pretty bad back pain and hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and hips. I also have tendonitis and my hands often hurt like crazy in the cold or after I wake up. All of this has decreased significantly. My shoulders aren't crunchy! I would have had to do 1 hr of yoga per day to minimize my pain this much beforehand. (Have tested this.) I am amazed. I needed this so so badly.

Mind / mood:

-- Hunger: yes I'm hungry! Almost all the time! But it's also more manageable. Previously hunger would make me nauseous, angry, overall not functional. Now it's just plain hunger and it's pretty easy to take care of. I had some ED history so its amazing to just eat food that tastes good and feel good about it.

-- Irritability: a lot of people warned me about this but for me it's been very minor. I have noticed that in conflict I am more likely to not turn everything inward, which is actually pretty positive. (For example if I get crap at work, I'm more likely to write it off on the other person rather than have a breakdown in the bathroom and blame myself and spiral).

-- Sadness: I still feel normal levels of sad about things that are sad. I cry less about dumb stuff, but I still cry about serious stuff. I have depression and I do feel like it presents slightly differently--more just numbness, less sobbing.

-- Dysphoria: my day to day dysphoria has significantly decreased. When I do get dysphoria, it is much much worse.

-- Energy: I have more energy! Which is amazing because the main thing my depression does is take all my energy away. This has leveled off but in the beginning it was a very significant change.

Ok that's all I can think of. Feel free to ask me questions.

I'm so happy I'm doing this for myself. It's a very low dose, and I'm sure many people would prefer faster/greater changes, but thus far this has been so right for me. I'm choosing to participate in the creation of my self. For the first time in my life, I'm not chasing satisfaction to only end up with dissociation.

✌️

[gender-for-the-record]

1 Month Update

I've been back on T for 1 month! I previously took testosterone cypionate shots for 1 year (May 2022-June 2023), and then I had to put my GAHT on pause while I figured out some insurance stuff.

This time around I'm doing testosterone gel (1.62%) at approximately the same dosage I was on previously. These are the things happening so far.

bottom growth! this was probably the first thing to pick up again. It isn't painful, but it does ache. I don't think I've gained more length yet, but I've definitely increased in girth this month, which surprised me. I'm also just much more aware of my dick than I was while I was pre-T or on pause. I don't know how else to describe it. Even when I'm not horny, I am aware of my dick. I'm sure this'll lessen as I get used to it again and when the growth spurt slows down, but for right now it's distracting, though not unpleasant.

acne: when I went through e-puberty, I didn't struggle much with acne - mostly just a few hormonal blemishes right before my period. On T, I've noticed an increase in hormonal acne right after my period. Rather than washing my face once a day, I've had to shift to twice a day; and I moisturize both times as well. This seems to be working for me right now as my skin is clearing up and I'm not experiencing much scarring.

so fucking horny! this is pretty self-explanatory. I'm fucking raring to go constantly and its distracting and inconvenient 80% of the time; 20% of the time it's a lot of fun.

strangely I think my appetite has decreased? My first year on T, I was hungry all the time, but right now I think I'm less hungry than I was previously. I'm still eating regularly, but I feel less inclined to snack in between. This could also be because of my new work schedule/routine, but I think it's interesting.

sleep schedule: I'm both sleepier and more energetic, so my sleep schedule is kind of all over the place right now. I have to force myself into bed because I just have way more energy than I'm used to, but once I fall asleep, I'm fully out and struggle to wake up. (Note: I am on a mood stabilizer that usually makes me sleepy and groggy)

mood: this is the big one! I'm in a much better mood for longer bouts of time than I was before. I think the new (better) job is contributing to this too, but I just feel much more like myself these days. I feel calmer more of the time than not, which is a nice change of pace. I think I might be a little happier too; at the very least, I've been laughing more recently.

Overall I'm doing well! Having acne kind of sucks, but it's manageable so far, and I still feel more confident than I used to. I'd like to have a better sleep schedule, but that will hopefully come with time as my body settles into its new rhythms. I'm really excited about bottom growth! I didn't expect much to change this time around because my doctors have always said that growth stops after a year or so. But anecdotally, other trans folks have reported continued growth at different rates.

Ultimately every body is different. I feel much more at home in mine right now.

[the-real-lyra-vale]

Day in the Life of an Aspiring Author: Resetting My Writing Life (#01)

Resetting your life is just a process of seeing what sucks, figuring out how to change that, and making a plan for moving forward. I really do need to do this for my whole life, but I am a huge mess right now and I need to take baby steps or I'll get overwhelmed and go back to what I was doing before.

Why I'm resetting my writing life.

For now, my writing life is getting this treatment, because my ultimate goal is to make my living from some kind of combination of writing, blogging, and my youtube channel. That makes it so important for my writing life to be efficient and organized, especially because I don’t have a single thing published yet. 

How to reset your writing life.

For this process I actually cannot take credit. I got these steps from the amazing Struthless on YouTube, who is one of my favorite inspirational productivity creators. You can get a worksheet of this process (his is not writing focused) for absolutely free from the description of his video introducing the process, and that can be found here.

Step 1. Brain Dump

The first step is to just literally empty every thought you have onto paper or into the computer. This was unexpectedly helpful for me, because I realized that a lot of the thoughts that were bothering me were actually things I was about to address with this reset. Some of the stuff I wrote was too personal to share widely, but here’s a procured version. All of the things here were on my list, I just omitted several that had to do with a medical condition I suffer from. Please excuse my typos…

- I don't want to do this emptying your head exercise.

- but it's part of the steps and it will literally bother me so bad if i skip a step so lets do it.

- its annoying that my desk is messy

- I miss my husband even though he's right in the other room napping.

- I'm not hungry but i feel like eating anyway

- I feel guilty about not practicing [religion] lately. I've just been so busy and in so much pain

- I also feel guilty that I haven't been exercising lately.

- I'm seeing a trend with these thoughts.

- I feel guilty about not working on reaching my goals.

- good thing I'm doing a life reset today, that will make me feel better about all this.

Step 2. Identify your goals from 6 months ago.

Looking at my journal from the beginning of the year, I have a very long list of extremely vague “goals” which are really just offhand wishes, and the only one that had to do with writing was “Write more.”

Thanks, past me. Super helpful of you.

Step 3. Compare that to how the last 6 months actually went.

All in all, I don’t think I wrote more in the last 6 months than I did in the 6 before that. I don’t have the data to back that up, which just means this step will ultimately be more helpful 6 months from now than it is now.

Thankfully, I have learned how not to set goals. That will help me later.

Step 4. Assess why you missed some goals and hit others.

Again, sarcastically thanking my past self, because I think I missed my one goal, but I’m not totally sure. I suppose the fact that I’m not happy with how much I wrote tells me that I missed it. 

The reason I missed this one is that the goal-setting system of randomly claiming that I want something and then making no effort to pursue it isn't the greatest method…

Okay, I swear I’m going to stop bullying myself now. 

Step 5. Identify your ideal second half of the year, and why you want it.

Easy enough. I made goals related to my blog and to YouTube as well, but I’ll just share with you my two goals most related to writing.

- Focus better when writing, because it will help me get my novel written faster.

- Publish my book, because then I’m one step closer to living off my writing.

Step 6. Turn the results above into actionable goals, and rank them by importance.

“Focus better” has the same issues my “Write more” goal from 6 months ago had, so we’ll turn that into, “Make an acceptable amount of measurable progress during each hour that I work.” Which might seem extreme, but if you knew me you wouldn’t be surprised. I always either put in no effort or too much effort into everything I do.

The other goal becomes, “Publish my book on my own website by the end of the year.” I don’t trust anyone else with my book, not an online e-book seller and certainly not a traditional publisher. I have a deep (maybe irrational… maybe not) distrust and dislike of large companies. Many people will not agree with me on this, and I'm fine with that.

Step 7. Who would you need to be to complete these goals?

To complete my goals, I would have to be a prolific author, a hard worker, responsible, dependable, an effective time manager, someone who loves their job. I would like to believe I already am these things, I just haven’t proven it yet.

Step 8. Create a system where you can realistically hit your goals over the next 6 months.

Okay, first, the publishing goal, because this is easy.

1. write the outline

2. write the first draft

3. edit in passes

4. create the cover

5. buy a domain and website

6. list my book for sale on my website

7. execute a marketing plan

Elementary. So, not everyone is going to be alright with how strict my system is for this next one. It’s just that I need a lot of rules for things to work for me.

1. Create a daily log called “Who I am”, where each day’s entries will be filled with proof that I am all the things I said I would need to be to reach my goals.

2. Starting a writing day, add this hour's entry to the "who i am log".

2. create a task for work above the entry.

3. set a 15m timer and attempt to complete the task by the time it goes off.

4. add a bullet to that hour's entry stating what progress was made.

5. repeat until the hour is over.

6. start over, and do this process for each hour intended to be a work hour.

Step 9. How will you continue when things get tough?

Now, for this next part, I will share my process with you for how I am going to guarantee I consistently make progress. But you have to promise not to laugh at how completely extra I have made it. I swear I am not kidding, I am actually gonna do this. I am just completely 100% serious about not being an inconsistent lazy asshole anymore. So here it is…

[first month]

1. set up your environment to make your systems ridiculously easy. it would be silly to not do it now.

2. It's human to make mistakes. when you realize you made a boo-boo, immediately do something to rectify it, even something small.

3. For every significant day of progress on a goal, place a sticker on the reward chart. That feels so good, doesn't it? for every major goal reached, have a fucking party! literally. you deserve it.

4. create a list of goals, overarching goals with their systems attached, each month. include a reminder that mistakes are human, but to also immediately rectify them when you notice them. laminate that bitch, put it across from the toilet, and iterate it every time you sit on the toilet to [redacted]. iterate by thinking, saying, and writing it (keep a little notebook and pencil on the bathroom shelf). place reminders to iterate in other places, like the bathroom mirror, computer desk, fridge, a wristband, written on your hand, and desktop of computer. not every place at once, but put it in one place, then move it when you start to notice yourself ignoring it.

[subsequent months]

1. make sure your environment is set up to make your systems ridiculously easy to follow.

2. give yourself a sticker for every day of significant progress, and throw a party for every major goal reached.

3. At the beginning of each month, create a new iteration, editing it if needed, and include the reminder about mistakes every time. move the physical reminder around as needed to keep it fresh. ensure the little notebook and pencil are still on the bathroom shelf for written iteration.

4. iterate regularly!

Step 10. Why do you deserve this?

I wrote some pretty personal stuff for this section, so suffice it to say that I believe that you (yes, you!) deserve to improve your life and reach your goals, and that I do too.

Step 11. Take Action Now.

When I got to this part, I worked on my novel’s outline for a while. Action successfully taken!

What’s next?

I worked on this wonderful journaling exercise all day, so now I’m going to take a very healthy Brain Break. I’m going to shoot fireworks with my family because it’s my 1 year old’s first cognizant 4th of July, and I’m going to watch Independence Day with my husband after the baby goes to bed. But tomorrow…

Tomorrow I am popping OFF with my writing. I’ve been screwing around in the story planning stages of this novel for a month, but at the end of the day tomorrow, I will hold a glorious completed novel outline in my own two hands, and it will be amazing.

Thank you for reading my blog. If you liked this post, please consider buying me a coffee. Every cent I make from my writing is a blessing to me and my family that I’m incredibly grateful for.

[lucysweatslove]

(Tw ED related stuff under the readmore, this time talking about purging too)

(Don’t worry I’m safe/fine and didn’t engage in any disordered behavior)

So y’all know how I went on a hike yesterday and saw beautiful foresty sights?

Well idk how many calories I actually burned because fuck that, but I was out for a while, about 2.5 hours of actual moving but that involves very slow going on snowy patches. I spent maybe half an hour total with taking pics or stopping for a snack midway, some of that time getting low underneath trees to get closer to the creek (which was very active!).

Anyway, I was SUPER HUNGRY yesterday which is totally fine because 2.5 hours of activity requires fuel.

But today I’ve been having like a really hard time feeling full and satisfied, which is probably also related to hiking. Doubly annoying is that my body doesn’t want protein. Like I had a protein heavy breakfast but needed to pair it with potatoes (which, like carrots, are absolutely not a vegetable 😉) and toast because alone the idea of eggs and a vegan sausage like. I felt nauseated thinking about it.

Now I believe my body is trying to replenish its glycogen and is like “feed me carbs so I can continue to take you on hikes through knee deep snow!” which is fine but I don’t make carb heavy meals. Like they just aren’t in my repertoire of things to cook. And the few I do make that are carb heavy are also still protein heavy- like a turkey bagel sandwich is carb heavy because carbs in bagel, but I also put goat cheese (maybe with avo) and deli turkey on it and have vegetables and dip which I like with yogurt. Even my pasta is more protein heavy because I use lentil pasta (I honestly love the taste). Anyway most of the meals I know how to make and can do without much executive planning will have 25-35g protein in it.

And my body today is just not wanting it. I try, and the moment meat is being cooked, or cooked meat is being prepared, or I even smell the yogurt or milk, I literally feel so sick.

I could just eat carby things alone but something about it ALSO felt wrong- like just a bagel? Boring. Bagel with jam? Also boring. Also, snacky. I couldn’t bring myself to actually make a meal- even like, cutting up fruit I just couldn’t do. It didn’t make any sense to me. So after breakfast I finished an older protein bar I had forgotten about from last week, and then just didn’t eat.

Husband made (quite large) garlic knots tonight to use up old pizza dough. THIS smelled divine. I ate one- still hungry. Second- still hungry. Third- why tf am I still hungry? He only made 6, 3 for me and 3 for him, so I couldn’t have another one. So I was rummaging through the cabinets and remembered all the candy and treats we got on Sunday. I still had some of those, so I finished off the licorice and hello panda cookies (maybe 1-1.5 “recommended servings” left for each), have a couple pieces of fruit mochi, even have some coffee candies and a lychee gummy because they sounded super good. I was sipping water throughout too, as I do throughout the day.

But nope, still hungry. And now I’m craving something salty. Like great I satisfied my need for carbs, but my body is still hungry and is now wanting salt. So I have a couple handfuls of cashews. Keep in mind this is all spread out around 3.5 hours. It’s not all at once. I’m giving myself time to eat, to get it in my body, have my hormones adjust to the new fuel, etc.

Finally, after the cashews, I feel ACTUALLY satisfied and full. Not sick full but like, appropriate full. The full that means I won’t be hungry at an inappropriate time but I’m not over full. No more cravings. Like “move on with your life” full.

But what does my brain decide to do with this? It’s like I’m 19 or 20 again and my brain is saying “nope we can’t feel full, hunger is good, get rid of it.” (Note: I primarily exercise purged, so this little voice isn’t just like throw it up or abuse laxatives, which I also have done, but also “count up all the calories, try to estimate, and then go to the gym and burn it all off, you haven’t gone since Tuesday!”)

It’s just this small little instinctual urge which is likely coming up because stress and new scholastic endeavors and being forced to have people perceive me. Just got me in that old headspace again because of situational similarities.

Also: the fact that it was cashews that did it at the very end is killing me. Like not even after the mochi or the lychee gummy. Something with micronutrients and very very much needed salt because I DO get dizzy without it. Something traditionally considered “healthy.” THAT is what turned ED brain on. It’s literally about how full or empty I feel and how many calories I believe I’ve eaten vs burned in a day. Doesn’t matter where it’s from. Oats or chocolate or molasses or fucking carrots or nuts.

I’m just annoyed that even this far into/past recovery, my brain still goes back ten years when my body literally just feels NORMAL. Ten years into recovery and my brain is STILL triggered sometimes just by *actually feeling fully and completely satisfied.*

Anyway: I’m totally safe, not going to do anything, it was just like this little whisper of old times which I can easily tell to stfu now, but these moments are so rare I forget they exist and when they come back, it’s just a reminder that I will likely always have them trying to peak through stressful times.

[alberto1996]

ENTRY #1

Title: Getting to Know Me: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Maupay nga Adlaw, dear readers of the Tumblr community! My name is Albert Borata and I'm excited to embark on this journey of self-introduction and sharing all about myself. So, grab a cup of tea, get comfortable, and let's dive in!

I am from San Policarpo Eastern Samar, fifth among nine siblings, I am a passionate individual who believes in the power of self-discovery and personal growth. Through my experiences, interests, and introspection, I have come to understand that life is an ever-evolving process, and we should embrace it wholeheartedly.

You may wonder that I am already 27 years old but still in my fourth year college, honestly, I stopped my education for 5 consecutive years due to critical economic crisis. Basically, my parents don't have the chance to send me to school because of financial problems. I have also taken 6 vocational courses at Tesda, its for me to have more knowledge and skills and make myself ready to matter what the world has to offer. But I have realized that I should work hard for myself, by 2018 I decided to continue my studies because I believe that my brain is still hungry of knowledge.

I took TVL course which is Beauty Care and Nail Care, coz my mom said that she wasn't sure if I am going ro make to college, it gave me the drive to study hard, and luckily I was a consistent honor student until I graduated my senior high school.

Now I am an Freelance hair dresser for 4 years, which is very useful in my college days, through home services, on hair and make up, whole body massage and more rakets, I was able to buy a kilo of rice every 4 days. I'm proud to say that I am the one supporting myself to finish my education, but I'm also happy that my parents are there to support me mentally and spiritually.

One of the things that define me is my love for creativity. I am an artist at heart, with a fondness for painting and sketching. These activities allow me to express my emotions and thoughts visually, creating a connection between my inner world and the outer reality. I am also a Volleyball player,and scrabble player.

Aside from the arts, I find solace in the written word. Writing has become my sanctuary, a medium through which I explore my thoughts, share my experiences, and connect with others. On this Tumblr blog, you'll find a variety of content, ranging from personal reflections to fictional stories, poetry, and even some tips for self-care and personal development.

I am also a firm believer in kindness, empathy, and understanding. I aspire to create a safe and inclusive space on this blog, encouraging open-minded conversations and embracing diversity. I am loud and proud member of LGBTQIA Community. Let's support each other, lift each other up, and celebrate the uniqueness that each individual brings to the table.

I also want to share to you my boyfriend who has been my number 2 supporter, because my family is my number of course haha 🤣, I am proud and happy with my partner, being so thoughtful and caring 😍.

He helped me a lot in my studies not only in financial aspect but in my mental wellbeing as well to keep unspired and feel loved every day.

So, dear readers, thank you for joining me on this journey of self-introduction and exploration. I hope that through this blog, we can connect, learn from one another, and inspire each other to embrace our true selves. Let's navigate this fascinating world together and discover the beauty that lies within and around us.

With love and gratitude, ALBERT

[whoreishghost]

i am like Not able to eat basically at all rn and this has beem ongoing for like 3-4 ish weeks now. in the first 2 weeks i cld eat a bit more but still like rlly way way too little and when i had my adhd review i was pretty surprised i had acc gained a bit of weight so i just sort of brushed off the not eating as me misremembering how much ive eaten. but now i like, am basically on a liquid only diet (and i cant drink anything thicker ? ig than like a diet coke bc that also makes me feel sick, tried having a milkshake at one point and i felt soooooo bad) bc 1 i like just dont get hungry at all, and 2 even if i feel ig the closest thing to describe wld be peckish (like im craving a specific flavour or texture) by the time i start eating it i rlly rlly do not want to be and its like, u know when ur so full its like hard to chew and u just want to spit the food out? like that. ive been trying very hard to like force myself thru this by like letting myself eat and buy whatever food i want at literally any time of day bc while it is expensive ive lost kind of a lot of weight v quickly (tw ed: this is about as much as id lose in a month whilst restricting v heavily in just under than 2 weeks). its worked to a degree but honestly im mostly just wasting food and honestly money, and whenever i do manage to eat a bit, itll be like 1 small size serving of poke (currently the only food that has been tolerated even slightly, ig maybe bc it has a "fresh" flavour? idk) eaten over the course or 5-6 hours bc i cldnt eat it faster than that which even then was not rlly tolerated bc i felt fucking disgusting physically, and then basically anything else (eg a genuinely really nice tasting stew my wife made, a mozzarella and avocado sandwich, just an avocado w salt, pasta, etc) makes me so nauseous and uncomfortable that i have to go force myself to throw up right after ive eaten to not literally be in hell for like 8-9 hours (i have an extremely low tolerance for managing nausea and the amazing ability to basically never throw up ever by myself hence the "forcing myself" which yes bad but also i refuse to be regurgitating and getting acid reflux whilst in pain for that whole day because i tried to eat smthn). i originally thought it was probably psychological bc ive been doing v v badly and to a degree it is (i cba to cook or eat rlly) but even when i have the food to eat i cant do it then either? idrk what to do, i have brought it up to drs multiple times who just tell me its poor mental health management and imply i need to ig "try harder". theres also the fact that it is v triggering for my disordered eating brain bc i am unintentionally restricting a lot and i am losing a lot of weight and its been v difficult not to just spiral down that sort of thought process into just not eating at all. feeling kind of like this is either gna randomly stop at some point and itll just be a confusing period of my life or im going to get v v unwell without support and be blamed for it