#i just feel like being a dick i guess.

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[elleloquently]

i never want to like question people’s opinions and tastes lolllll but why does everyone always write ellie as so aggressive and heartless when it comes to relationships and intimacy and stuff )): it’ll be like ellie v abby and they always make ellie so harsh and like hurtful on purpose and then they write abby as soooo sweet and loving.

like .

i wanna gatekeep ellie so bad it makes my heart ache

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

i wish there was a space for actual adults within this fandom. i guess i will have to create it, even if it's just me and other five people and a shoelace. i wonder how this whole thing is gonna develop!

[goatsandgangsters]

the TSA almost always flags my crotch as sus which is kinda baffling bc you'd think the scanner would care more about things that shouldn't be there, not just my Absence Of Penis??

like uh oh, there's nothing there! what if there's also a lack of secret drugs or weapons in the spot where something Isn't!

[king-of-havoc]

By cop 😭😭😭

You're really bad at coming up with ideas, you know that? Like ACAB and all that but to them I'm just a little white boy, they probably aren't going to kill me. If I assault a cop I'll just land my ass in jail, not in hell. Like same difference but still

You're also a terrible person. When I said "give me easy ways to kill myself" I didn't say "and be transphobic about it"

If your goal is to make me MORE suicidal then you're failing. Spite makes hate roll off my back, especially hate that, objectively, is bad YUHJFDCS Try harder

[bison-appreciation-club]

so yall telling me that i am wanted and lovable...

[theflyingfeeling]

...💩

[transgendercastiel]

I wish I just knew when/if I did something wrong

[mejomonster]

Being nonbinary and dressing feminine sometimes despite very much not being a woman is. Its like hello strangers hello new friends im making please dont immediately steamroll

[nudibutch]

okay real talk. for those into any form of pain play and/or impact play? how do you distinguish between like. wanting it because you Want it vs. wanting it because you feel like either 1. you genuinely deserve it (punishment or the best youll get) or 2. its the best you have to offer your partner?

[lordwisteria]

Going off that “Jason Todd should be Catholic” post I reblogged....this is so ridiculously niche lol but I need to get it off my chest....Jason Todd is so Ronan Lynch coded

Traumatic reaction to violence that unexpectedly changed them forever, into darker and harder versions of themselves

Molten eyes and a smile made for war!!!

How do you live if you think you were maybe supposed to be dead?

How do you kill yourself again and again, even if it keeps you alive?

Just to get it out of the way yes Gansey died and came back but Jason and Gansey are like the least alike of anyone

Complicated relationship with a parent they once adored

Inexplicable magic that is difficult to explain and makes their lives harder (Like everything about Ronan/Jason coming back to life and the Pit)

General asshole who actually does care a lot

Cared the MOST about one person (Gansey) and slowly came to care about everyone else; fighting and clawing their way back into their own families

It is about RAGE and REGRET. FEAR and FORGIVENESS. It is BEING THE MONSTER AND ASKING FOR LOVE ANYWAY

Ok but. But but. Are there any other parallels? You could go the Lynch brothers route (Dick as Declan, Tim or Damian as Matthew, Bruce as a complicated and dead Niall whose obsessions killed him without considering what it would leave behind for his sons). But I think this really only considers the characters relationships with Jason, not who they are as a person. IF we are looking at who they are instead of their relationships (so yes this does not consider romantic/platonic/blahblah):

It would be easy to say Dick is Gansey. They have the same name, are ~leaders~, and are canonically the prettiest princess in any room. I get it and maybe in the Titans you'd be right, but here, Bruce is Gansey. He is the one with the quest! He is the one driving things forwards and bringing the others along. He's the one with the family name and the family wealth and the family home. He went through something traumatic as a child that irrevocably changed him, fueled his intense guilt and obsession. He brought the group together, and yet feels left behind by them. Someone who cares deeply about the people immediately around him, and yet will not stop pursuing his other goals even if it's hurting them or himself. Obsessed, I think, with proving that he deserves to be here.

Which means that Dick...is Adam Parrish. Like. The constant search for independence. The perfectionism. The bad relationship with his father that forced him to need to be his own man. (Sorry real Bruce but you sucked in batman #416) Loving someone so much and yet always thinking the worst of them. Refusing to be a burden and yet accepting any yoke that comes his way. The intensity of the performance, of pretending to be who you wish you were for the people you care about. Taking on responsibilities because there is literally no other choice, nothing else you could do. Picking the best of your options and knowing that none for them are to rest easy. Valuing freedom so much and giving up your literal body for the quest.

PLUS (less perfect but): Cass as Henry Cheng (and not just bc they are both asian do not look at me like that) Narrative outsider who was watching from afar and put themselves in the narrative. Was molded by shady parent's shady business practices. Was put in a situation as a child they should not have had to endure, which challenged their beliefs and shaped them anew. And maybe like, later Tim as Noah, a bright, fun, young kid on a skateboard who gets himself involved in something too big for him and is undeniably damaged by it. Tim isn't betrayed by someone the way Noah is, but he's kind of...betrayed by the narrative, in a way? Betrayed by the adventure that he thought he was getting. Too clever for his own good, but sometimes naive about people. Lowkey a mirror that lets people see whatever they want to see lol

(I don't see super clear parallels for anyone else lol but I did have a fun time with the thought of Damian as Blue (short/down to fight/has another family/environmentalist/kind of feels fundamentally alienated as someone who is not like everyone else/wears green))

[mavspeed]

hi! a daily reminder that I write fic for free because I want to and I feel like doing it. not gonna change the updating schedule, what I have planned, or any other plot details for a reader’s opinion no matter how important you seem to think imparting that opinion to me is. takes relatively little effort to leave a comment and takes even lesser effort than that to make sure that comment doesn’t come off as condescending or presumptuous to the author.

because I’m sorry but comments like THESE

aren’t gonna fly with me! just- and I’m begging here- be nicer with your local fanfic writer lmao. go easy on them. we’re doing this shit for FREE. having a bad day and coming online to see comments like these (because I have received multiple all from the same person) feels exponentially worse than it probably should

[papaiyatree]

you ever think about the fact steph was going to take on the nightwing mantle if it weren't for the n52??? like jfc this girl is just, going around and getting mantles LMAO

[twilightarcade]

that clone thang

waves at you. Hi welcome to the post where I answer the clone question but don't really have a fun linear way of doing it so it ends up being as many words as my brain allows

[really fucking long warning]

anyways this question is reallyreally interesting and actually something I never think about despite the nature of it?? Like it's sorta one of those things that gets joked about or referenced a bunch but it's never actively on my mind. I think one of the major decision points for me would be whether they have the same memories as me, the same feelings, the same thought process, etc or if they're just some sorta guy that looks like me. I'm assuming it's the first but the latter is. Interesting at the least.

I said last time I would kill them which. Isn't anything I could morally justify in any way whatsoever. It's not from a place of fear or hate towards that guy in particular. It's not like "oh no I don't want a clone what time to kill him" it's more like,, yk. I think I would have more difficulty killing an exact clone of me, memories and all because that's such a dick thing to do?? I would hate to die so. They would presumably hate to die.? But there's also that mutual. Morbid curiosity I suppose. WHICH this whole thing is really generally dark and not on theme with this blog in general I guess but idk suck it up or whatever for now.

I would hate to kill someone in general actually, I don't condone murder, shockingly enough. Which this whole. Whatever. Opens up an argument about how I don't have the,, right? To kill my clone. Which I don't. I think he knows that though. I also know that. If we got into a? Legitimate fight. I don't know who would win. Obviously yes I should say me because I'm so cool and the original but that just goes back to the superiority thing don't you think? We're literally the same person and most of my actions outlined here is just some sorta. Mean.

Famously, I am not a fighter, not according to my dad at least. But that's just because I'm not? Running around and getting into fights?? I think if I jumped myself I could kill him. Or even just. Had a knife. I don't think we would fight though,? I think us killing each other or one of us could be arranged relatively peacefully. If that makes any sense.

I think if they were just an empty shell, some sorta guy that I don't know inhabiting my form, I would kill them. Without much thought behind it. Not out of hate for them, more out of hate for myself

back to less. Murderous thoughts, I think it would be incredibly comforting having someone I could like. Talk to. Assuming it's just. Me but not me. I could talk to them about absolutely anything! And they would get it! They would nod their heads and go mhm I know what you're talking about. I think in that respect we could be really good friends but that's not even really... friendship,? And even in terms of being comforting that's really limited because it's still just. Me. I'm still stuck with myself even if he does happen to be outside of my own mind. And I hate it and hate it and hate how as I'm going over all this I'm sitting here thinking "he would get it" because he's me!!! Of course he would get it.! Out of everyone on the goddamn earth if anyone was to get if of COURSE it would be myself!!! And it sickens me because there's still no further outside connection. I can talk to myself all day long but in the end does that really get me anywhere?? Does anything get resolved??? Like the whole thing with therapists and such is that you get an outside perspective on your problems or whatever and that's an INCREDIBLY inside perspective. i don't know.

getting away from that trainwreck because I'm trying oh so hard to get away from negatives here I think if like. I ignored all of that. We could be good friends. Maybe. I sort of hate the idea of having like? A reflection of myself? Some Guy that's not me yet still me. But in this ideal imaginative world, we could be good friends. We could bring each other up and all the good stuff. But at the end of the day I can't really escape the fact that.. it's me...?

I don't think I could live with that. I think we should walk away and never talk to each other again. I think the fact that there's some guy who's just. Me. Out there, somewhere would haunt me and eat away at me. In the perfect world we would be great friends! Do all that stereotypical "I have a clone time to make them do work for me" type stuff but in a loving caring relationship type way! But it's not really a perfect world and I'm not really a perfect person either and I would kill some guy that looks like myself just for the hell of it because I'm a dick I guess?????? I hate it and I'm a terrible person for it and i would not admit this in a court of law but oh my god!!!! I WISH I could just sum it up to one of the the generic responses but I CANT. I want me dead and I think I would also want me dead and it's some sorta terrible cycle till someone dies. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Maybe he wouldnt think too hard about it. But since he's me it probably would.? I sure would over think the implications of me being a clone of someone just look at me now! Documenting my delusions online. In a tumblr dot com post. We would be great friends if not for the horrors. I think we should vivisect each other.

[obessivedork]

I got so caught up in the euphoria of new Star Trek that I forgot SNW has some of my least favourite writing of the new shows. I think I’m frustrated with it because there are so many aspects I SHOULD like! On paper I SHOULD like this show more than I do! I just do not vibe! :(

[mosscrab]

mgsv has so many literary references to books i have essays abt it kind of makes me.