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felassan · 3 years

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DA4 Lead Producer Scylla Costa’s BIG Festival talk, “Challenges of Dragon Age production during the pandemic”, can currently be rewatched on YouTube here starting roughly at timestamp 8:57:02 after a lil presenter blurb/intro. It’s 1 hour long. When it was streamed live, there was an English translation ‘voiceover’. There isn’t in this vid, however I want to post the link for Portuguese speakers, and also it’s neat for everyone to be able to see all the slides he presented with for themselves in context.

I don’t know if an English-language version will get put up so I’m sharing the notes I took during the talk below, in case anyone’s interested and because I might as well since I wrote them. The rest of this post is under a cut due to length.

Edit: Found a place to re-watch the English version of the talk

(Quick note: I didn’t note down everything, mostly things that caught my interest, so this isn’t exhaustive, and when I was watching I was real tired, so pls bear that in mind and don’t take these notes as bullet-proof 100% accurate gospel or direct quotes. If you watched it and think I’ve written down something wrong/misunderstood, let me know and I’ll fix. Also if you’re a Portuguese speaker and I’ve gotten something incorrect or missed something important etc, again just let me know.) **

** Edit: I’ve now gone through my notes while watching the talk again. I’ve filled in some of the gaps (although they still don’t cover everything said) and so forth, and now I’m no longer worried about there being possible errors in this post.

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For some context, this slide contained the breakdown of the talk’s structure. Bear in mind there are other slides present in the talk than the ones I’ve posted here, I didn’t include caps of all of them, just ones which were of note to me.

In the talk, chief Producer Scylla goes over challenges of DA4 production during the pandemic. He discusses the adaptations - necessary skills and learning from remote work - and he ponders on the future of teamwork.

After the launch of ME3 he became a producer, all his MMO and other experience helped a lot. He was on DAI for 3 years and MEA for 9 months, then Anthem. Today, on DA4, Scylla and another Lead Producer were the heads of the whole project, and there is his boss is the Executive Producer Christian Dailey.

^ the usual AAA game development cycle (brief introduction)

AAA games are games that are launched for several platforms simultaneously.

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase of the game development cycle can have from 5 - 30 people, and up to almost 60 people when they’re just about to go through the gate to production.

In the pre-production phase, they go through the game’s concepts and prototypes and start developing systems. They seek the game’s concept and focus, and its key features. They do lots of market research. In the case of BioWare, all their games are strong in narrative, so they have lots of tools related to game narratives and supporting the development of a narrative (cinematic design, dialogue system etc) that get focused on in this phase. Other parts of the team such as writers and cinematic design need these systems to do their own roles.

In BioWare’s case, the pre-production phase through to launch can take 4 - 6 years, but it does depend on the size of the team during development.

With regards to Dragon Age 4, they were coming close to the time when they would shift from pre-production to the production stage when the pandemic hit.

During the production phase is when the development of content and features takes place, with the systems mostly already existing from the pre-production phase. A few new systems may be developed in this phase. In the production phase is when things start escalating, and the team really starts growing, to like 2- or 3-fold the prior pre-production phase size.

(DA4 is currently in the production phase.)

In the alpha phase, features have to be fully implemented and systems all have to be running / working. All the game features should already be in the game by now. They test from pre-production onwards, but this phase is when they run heavy technical tests with lots of players trying to play at the same time. In the beta phase, the idea is that you should now have full content and that now you’re balancing it and running more and lots of different tests with players before launch. There are final tweaks and then the final launch, when in the weeks prior to launch, all the different business units and areas e.g. marketing team, technology team, publishing team, get together once a day and all of the game’s issues are reported and brought to the table to be prioritized. Then they decide the next steps re: these issues (this is known as ‘the war room’).

After the launch there are usually patches like day zero patches and other patches, this being standard industry practise. The last stage is the new content stage where there are DLCs and a game with more content.

On March 12th 2020, the team gathered to review the DA4 story in the new office. Everyone was very excited. (They had spent over 10 years in their last building and had noticed that with the team growing they needed more space. In August 2019 they found the new studio in the city center.)

Anyway that evening, they got an email from the CEO which contained instructions and said that due to the pandemic, they should from now all start working remotely. They had known that this happening was a possibility so they had been planning on how to have all the devs working from home, but initially less than 50% of the devs were able to work from home successfully/efficiently due to various issues e.g. you need a VPN to be able to log in remotely to do your job normally, varying home office setups. The day after this, the office was basically deserted, except for Scylla, the IT infrastructure people and one or two odd devs.

Scylla was part of the team that was working on allowing the devs to work from home. They first started looking at the short-term changes they needed to make to allow this.

“First, take care of our developers”.

When the pandemic first hit, their and Scylla’s [as Lead Producer] first priority was to look after the devs. Many of them are parents (schools and day-cares were shut, children were studying from home), others have relatives living with them, others have other personal circumstances which of course need to be taken into account when it comes to assessing what needs to be taken into consideration for this new scenario. So, they looked at each dev on a case-by-case basis in order to evaluate, speaking to each one and asking them what they could do to support them.

One of the first changes/adaptations they could implement was flexible working hours and flexibility around deadlines. Generally speaking the devs got a lot of support, EA was really good and really supported the devs especially in the first months of the pandemic (and they are still supporting them). Initially not all devs had suitable office spaces at home, some were working from the living room from laptops or at the kitchen table. The whole covid situation basically just happened over night and nobody was really ready to deal with that change. So their first step was to enable their devs to work remotely. As a producer, Scylla’s main task is to communicate with the team such as via a number of daily meetings. He doesn’t depend so much on powerful hardware.

“Enable developers to work remotely”.

This slide shows some of a BioWare audio team. Different teams have varying and specific needs in order to do their jobs and therefore in order to do them remotely. For example, the audio team need good-quality speakers and amplifiers, while the lighting and art teams need other specific equipment such as tablets and large screens. So there was a lot of work they had to do to go through each dev to understand their individual needs and what needed to be done for them. ‘Could they download the builds? Did they have the right performance [tech-wise]? Could they submit their changelists, their codes to the server?’

Some devs needed a more powerful internet connection as it would take 6-8 hours to download a build (some devs live rurally). Some needed a lot of cable, as they were working far away from their routers (sometimes up to 50m). As time went by things got better and better.

The chair devs work from is also important; a kitchen able chair etc is not suitable to sit in for long-term desk work, possibly leading to health issues like back ache and blood circulation problems in the legs.

Every 3 months they had money given to help devs buy new mice, keyboards, monitors - anything they needed really in order for their office setting at home to be improved. For a while, because lots of people [generally, in society] were needing and buying them, it was quite hard to buy things like webcams and microphones.

On mid- and long-term changes:

In terms of DA, we have to look at this from 2 perspectives, the change in the personal and the professional environments.

As a consequence of working from home, people tend to be less active during the day (even in an office, you go between meeting rooms, up and down stairs etc). Physical activity supports life quality and therefore work quality. Scylla noticed that he began to feel listless and such, and found that he needed to change his routine that he had initially developed when he started working from home, for example; having a normal start time (as in, have a semblance of structure in your day as if you were still working in the office site), get dressed at the normal time, not having meetings over lunch etc. This wasn’t just him, lots of other devs encountered this and had this experience too. Devs which adapted faster had better productivity and became more productive faster.

Scylla bought a stand-up desk which he can raise up and down, and at meetings he would be delivering a talk while standing or even while walking on a treadmill. Other devs also got stand-up desks. He tracked his body’s data on a Fitbit. These sorts of things helped improve physical and mental wellbeing. Other devs did similar things, like starting going out for jogs or began practising yoga. Essentially, everyone needed to make changes to their daily routine in comparison to what they had been doing prior to the pandemic.

The pandemic has been a thing for over a year now. In their location, every couple of weeks a new restriction is put into place or a rule is changed, and every two weeks there’s a new thing that you can and can’t do. Scylla also started moving around his property. He worked on his desk, fixed it up and painted - taking up a new hobby. Other devs picked up new hobbies too. These are good ways to be active and also to be somewhere else, i.e. to break up the working day and not be spending it all in one home office-type location. Scylla found that when he made these sorts of changes to his routine to improve his lifestyle, the data output by his Fitbit as indicators of his health/wellbeing etc improved, e.g. number of steps taken in a day, heartbeats per minute while at rest. As stated many of the other devs went through a similar process.

On the professional side of things:

They had to improve remote delivery of builds. Accessing things from home as a dev requires a VPN. They need to download a build every day and then upload it to the server after making their changes to the game. They had to work with infrastructure and research other tech, such as streaming tech to allow remote console access, in order to better facilitate this process. For remote access, they also had to work on adapting communications channels.

“Adapting channels of communication.”

In this slide, the team are working on the storyboards. Before you can implement motion capture & performance capture, you have to ‘run the storyboards’ like this. These are small illustrating drawings which reflect the drafts and are meant to quickly reflect the intention of the scenes that are to be built. Before the pandemic, the team would go to meeting rooms like this, sit down, talk and interact in person. After the pandemic, the question became ‘How do you do this over Zoom?’ You can, but it’s not quite the same; it’s harder to see peoples’ expressions, some people are embarrassed speaking over Zoom etc. Therefore they had to adapt their communications systems, and unlearn the ways in which they developed before in order to relearn and learn new ways of communicating.

Slack was a tool that they adopted on this front. Communications channels can be confusing on Slack, so there was a need to develop structure. For example, how quickly should someone reply (as a recommended convention for the purposes of work)? They had to define the process/procedures for the channels so it was clear for the team as a whole how it would all flow (this is important especially if you have a team with say 30 people or as a whole hundreds of people). Before the pandemic, they had stand-up meetings where they’d go around in a circle every morning and talk about their activities - what they’re going to be working on, any roadblocks they had encountered etc. The question arose ‘How do you replace these?’ They ended up doing Slack messages at a certain time of day and updating their statuses with some details on what they’re working on and color-coding (green - fine, yellow - need help, red - busy/blocked out).

Another issue that they faced was unforeseen - the number of meetings that devs were having really shot through the roof. When there wasn’t a good structure of communications channels, any conversation would become a meeting. Everybody began scheduling meetings left and right, and at the end of the day they would have little time left in which to actually work on their to-do lists. Hence, they had to work with the team to really analyze and be very pragmatic. ‘Which meetings needed to happen? Which didn’t? Is a specific meeting really necessary? Which meetings should be recurring? What can be done over Slack?’ This guideline had to be given to the team to help, and it improved things a lot. The number of meetings decreased a lot and they got more effective. For example, by making sure to set an agenda for meetings beforehand, and by having meeting notes (then a dev who didn’t really need to be at a meeting could skip attending and just quickly review the notes output after instead). They also decreased the standard length of meeting times from the default Outlook blocks of 1 hour and 30 mins to 55 mins and 25 mins respectively. This 5 minute change gave devs time for things like bio breaks (also 4 hours in a row at a computer in a home office with one meeting after another just isn’t good for a person).

“Adapting p-cap and mocap”.

On content:

From a content point of view, the most difficult thing in terms of the pandemic was adapting p-cap and mocap (performance capture and motion capture). They hire actors and it’s a large studio. The pandemic meant big limits to what they could and couldn’t do. The actors had to be masked and 5 meters apart in distance (although it doesn’t look like it in some of these shots due to angles). Also there could be no other person around in the studio - only the actors. The directors instead would ‘patch’ in remotely on big screens (you can see this in the second photo in the top right).

Before the pandemic, they felt that they wouldn’t be able to do p-cap or mocap properly remotely, as the directors would usually stand right next to actors giving guidance on their performance. The techs would also usually be near. But they adapted! The keyword is adapting, changing process. It’s harder and it’s different, but it is possible, and people start rethinking what is possible. What was said to be impossible before now is possible.

P-cap differs to mocap in that it also captures voice and facial expressions.

On the future of work after covid:

There will probably be more working from home and more flexibility for workers e.g. being able to work say 3 out of 5 days from home. It does depend on what a dev’s specific job is however. For example, the audio engineers require lots of specialist equipment and said equipment is of higher quality and quantity in the office. So, depending on role, devs might be working more often or less often from home.

Another development is that lots of devs are moving house. In lockdown etc people started reassessing what’s most important in life. Some are moving further away from the studio to get a cheaper rent or for example couples who both needed an office space to work from home from but their current place only had one area. Others are moving closer to nature for a better quality of life, and still others have other different reasons for doing so. Over 10 devs that he knows in fact have recently moved, including Scylla himself.

The pandemic changed certain skills being used by people on a daily basis. Scylla used as an example of this one of his soft skills, being able to tell from looking/interacting in-person with someone if they are stressed out. Obviously it’s less easy to tell if someone is stressed out when you’re remote, so you adapt different ways of checking in with people in the new situation. To continue carrying out his role as Lead Producer, he began checking in with his team pro-actively on the new comms channels and asking how they were doing.

Also, now that companies are more open to working remotely, there is going to be increased competition for hiring devs. They saw both sides of this coin at BioWare. They were able to hire devs from many places that they couldn’t hire from before e.g. Montreal, Vancouver, the US, as there’s less need for devs to relocate to Edmonton or Austin. This opens up opportunities to hire really intelligent and skilled people that they would not have had access to before.

Question and answer segment:

The pre-production phase has been concluded. They’re in the production phase.

They are not giving out a lot of details yet but Scylla is really excited as a big fan of the whole series. He thinks that with DA4, they will have the opportunity/possibility to launch the best story out of all DA games. He feels that the characters they’re making are amazing. He’s dying to say more but can’t.

When you work from home you need to keep your team as productive as possible. During the pandemic, when people started working from home, they noticed that some people became more productive and some people became less productive. They were analyzing it on a case-by-case basis so as not to make assumptions. They were interested in seeing what they could do to help. At the beginning of the pandemic, they were looking at the devs as people and seeing what they needed.

Production of DA4 still needed to continue during the pandemic because they want to be able to launch the game.

This slide shows a writer. Writing is an example of a role which is more able to work from home easily.

Their productivity did go down in the first month of the pandemic. After adaptations, some people then became more productive than they were before (this was role and personal situation-dependent, examples of this being artists and coders who were able to art and code at home without being interrupted, thereby being able to produce more). Covid has affected productivity in general, but this is part of our new reality. They have adapted and adjusted some deadlines. They have enough data (Scylla LOVES data) now to understand how long it will take them/how long they’ll need to launch the game. They have always had historical data for this purpose, but they’re doing more of this sort of thing now to ensure that they are doing things at the right time.

Remote hiring opens up the door to more talent joining, so if someone has talent geography will hold them back less. Some companies though may choose not to hire people from other countries due to labor issues, cumbersome legal aspects, time zones. But even in such cases there are activities for example that can be carried out while the rest of the team is asleep such as testing or working on the build, or there are cases where those companies still will want to hire a specifically/highly talented person even in spite of the potential legal aspects and so on.

On mental health: People were affected. There is the mental, physical and social impacts of the pandemic situation on people. EA supported them during the pandemic in terms of their mental wellbeing, there are specific companies (services offered, speaking to a therapist) that they can contact if they need something or help. EA had always been good at supporting them with this sort of thing but this has improved further during the pandemic. Another change was that they could/can take a couple of days off if they needed/need to because of the pandemic e.g. to take care of children, who were obviously not at school at the time. As a producer he had to be very mindful of all of this. How much they were monitoring peoples’ wellbeing really went up during the pandemic.

A question that was asked - in terms of DA4′s storybeats, is there anything in there that they decided to change due to the pandemic as it wouldn’t be sensitive or appropriate to include anymore, for example a plague plotline or something? Scylla’s answer is that DA and ME are games in which they try to have narratives that are relatable, which include things which people will identify with, so that players understand what characters are going through etc. Nothing in DA4′s plotline/storybeats has been changed (in the frame of this question, relating to the pandemic), as it didn’t have anything in it that could be specifically or a directly connected to a pandemic-type situation or anything. Of course the DA story has Blights and the Taint, but these are different & fantastical things and existed long before the pandemic situation. So this wasn’t the case with DA4 and there was no need to change anything, but this has happened to other games where they decided to change a storyline due to a strong correlation with something in the real world.

There were then concluding/closing remarks. The message he wants to send is that a crisis will always spark opportunities. Look at a crisis and try to see how you can grow.

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[☕ found this post interesting or useful? my ko-fi is here if you feel inclined. thank you 🙏]

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #covid mention #long post #longpost #wanted to write these up properly and post them yesterday but wasn't able to #mass effect #anthem

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solomonish · 4 years

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Love is Just a Feeling I Do Not Need (Lucifer x Reader)

Even if this dream isn’t yours, just keep dreaming it.

based off of this song.

ao3 link: here!

Ah, don't you know all this shit is annoying me It's not my act and it's driving me crazy That gaze you're giving me, that voice and that face I see Ah, don't you know? I hate them so-o-o

Though Lucifer was normally a fan of reliability and structure, this was a routine he wouldn’t mind going on without.

Every Thursday, sometime between the hours of 5 and 6 o’clock, you and Mammon would find yourselves shuffling nervously in front of his desk, shoulders hunched in anticipation for the verbal lashing you were about to receive. Most often than not, he’d direct his frustration towards Mammon, saving the gentler reprimands for you. It isn’t that he intended to go easy on you - if anything, he truly thought you could do with a little more firm punishment - but you normally got roped into Mammon’s schemes in the middle of trying to stop them. It was a noble, yet foolish, effort, and forcing yourself through the same vicious cycle seemed punishment enough for your naivety.

If ever there was a chance at levelling with you, Lucifer would hope you’d agree that receiving such a punishment was him was a blessing in disguise. He never lacked in the discipline department, but compared to the types of demons out there that weren’t bound by honor or loyalty and would love to take a bite out of you, his lectures were hardly anything to complain about. Though you’d furrow your brows or glower at him every now and then, it was your sweetness that got you into your messes and it was what allowed those transgressions to pass. He could tell that, as burdensome as you clearly thought he was in these moments, you never intended to interrupt his work or irk him beyond repair.

However, even the sweetest of fruits could rot if left on the table for long enough, and you were no different.

Lucifer had hoped that you might be a good influence on Mammon, or at least teach him a little bit of responsibility, but it seemed the influencing was happening the other way around. You got braver with your challenging looks and quips of defiance, only pushing the boundaries further the longer you were in the devildom. Perhaps, in his effort to allow you to ruminate on your actions yourself, he had spoiled you, for you were certainly acting far out of the bounds of what was appropriate for your situation. Not only did you seem to find your consistent troublemaking a persistent problem that needed fixing, but you also thought that, in a house filled with some of the most powerful demons in the realm, you found it a wise decision to directly challenge him, the oldest, the one most capable of hurting you. Lucifer wasn’t known for his tendency to hold back his anger or his punishments, and exchange students didn’t exactly have the privilege of diplomatic immunity.

Even worse, when he told you as much, all you had to say for yourself was, "You know, you don't have to put on this authoritative act for every little thing just to earn my respect."

Even worse for you, you had a lopsided smile that you couldn't repress, one full of arrogance and challenging him directly. He clenched tighter onto his desk, not quite sending spindling fractures through the wood but hearing it creak in protest all the same. Almost immediately, that cocky grin slipped off your face and you murmured an apology, lowering your head in submission in the hopes he would only continue his lecture and not add on to the punishment.

If the work slotted into his day had been any less, he would have come up with some sort of punishment for you. Your sudden cowardice was not enough to force his pride to keel. But his workload was already too immense to be dealing with a human’s daring - stupid - display of defiance, so he waved you off shortly after and stewed over his reports.

Lucifer didn’t miss the way you practically scurried out of his office, nor could he block out the harsh whispers outside his door as Mammon fussed over you. For a brief moment, he figured that he should call you back, give you a fitting punishment for your continued antics and save the future version of himself from these headaches. However, he knew that it’d only breed harsher animosity within you, and you would only work harder to annoy him. At the mere thought, his headache returned, and he focused on the paper on the desk in his attempt to block out the pain.

Whether it was due to your tendency to attract danger or his own tendency to micromanage once given a job (and dedicated to his task to assist in the exchange program he was), Lucifer found himself keeping an eye on you whenever he could. Oftentimes, he was out of your range, working in his office or assisting Diavolo wherever he may be in the expansive school. Even during class, when he wasn’t pulled aside to help Diavolo, he was in some of the most advanced classes in the school, all far above your level as a human thrown into an unfamiliar realm. That was one of the reasons he assigned you as Mammon’s responsibility - even though he did know, deep down, that his brother would rise to the occasion, he was also the only brother in a few of the lower level classes you had. That was a thought he didn’t dare linger on for too long, lest he feel another flare of anger build up.

Still, there were moments when he passed you in the hall, or beckoned you to follow him into his office to smooth over some administrative details regarding your exchange student status in the Devildom. Each time you turned your back, he found himself watching you leave, as if his gaze alone was enough to send you safely on your own. Nobody caught him staring - and if they did, they had the wisdom to pretend they didn’t. Yet you were human in every aspect of the word, tactless, weak and unwise, and when you caught his gaze - which he hated to admit had happened, and hated even more to count exactly how many times it happened - you smiled at him kindly. Those times, you weren’t planning anything or hoping to annoy him. You were merely treating him like a friend, giving him a silent greeting when you knew he wouldn’t make his way over to you to meet you properly.

Treating him like a friend...treating him with as much familiarity as you did his brothers? The thought insulted him. If you weren’t afraid of him, he would have to amend that quickly. Until he could see the respect in your gaze, and until he could be certain you feared him how he wanted you to, he loathed that stupid grin on your face as much it made his stomach churn.

It isn't fate or a miracle that brought us here Expecting nothing, it all remains so unclear Since I don't mind if you aren't really the best I'm sure that we'll be fine Come and hold me tight

Weeks and months did nothing to quell your troublesome nature. If anything, the more familiar you found yourself with your surroundings, the more you tried to bend the rules until they broke. Lucifer was aware of all of your antics - at least, he certainly hoped there weren’t any he was missing, because then he’d wonder if your feeble human body could handle all of that activity. Still, Lucifer was a man who knew how to pick his battles, no matter what his behavior with his brothers may say. More often than not, he warned against the stupid ideas he could see brewing in your mind, figuring that if there was no stopping you he could at least instill you with the proper sense of caution.

If he sat too long on the thought of how much trouble you really did cause, the only thought in his mind screamed the audacity! What kind of entitlement did you think you had? How could one human decide this realm was theirs to meddle with?

It was infuriating how much you managed to get wrapped up in, despite your inexperience. Perhaps it was that inexperience that had you scrambling about the Devildom like a new, untrained puppy that insisted on chewing everybody’s shoes? (This is why Lucifer never allowed pets, he realized. If his brothers couldn’t control a creature they could communicate with, how could they control an animal?) Maybe you assumed that being under the care of the seven demon lords meant you had some sort of immunity to the consequences of your antics. But being under their care did not mean they cared for you, and it was time that you realized just how lucky it was that you managed to survive this long.

Brash as it may sound, you weren’t anything special. At best, you were extraordinarily lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you enjoyed the exchange program); one human chosen out of billions. You had no standing here, not one of chosen status, no power or understanding of the magic that ruled the world around them.

It did work in your favor, if only a little bit. At least this way, Lucifer had no expectations of you coming in, so your disruptive behavior was no more disappointing than was to be expected. He had no image of you in his mind, nothing for you to contradict. It’s not as if you really cared what he thought, but it sure saved him the bother of reconciling his mental image with the unfortunate reality you were. Of course, that also meant that he didn’t always know what kind of trouble you were about to stir up, just that you would definitely stir up some trouble.

It isn’t until he hears a loud crash and your voice among the startled yelps that he realizes how much time he took from his reports to reflect on you.

Or rather….on your behavior.

Love is just a feeling I do not need I can't handle it so I'll go on tirelessly Close your eyes and feel me breathe down your neck Even if this dream isn't yours, just keep dreaming it

Yes, this was the best solution.

He noticed the way your shoulder tensed when you heard his footsteps. Have you learned the sound of his footsteps already? How cute.

You were sitting at a table in the library with Satan standing not too far away. Lucifer remembered Mammon begging someone to be your escort home so he could take care of some business with the witches, and after some arguing and a firm interruption by yours truly, Satan was tasked with bringing you home safely. Of course, he had to stop in the school library first - some human wasn’t going to force him to change his plans. You had the wisdom to take out an assignment to work on, clearly one of the easier ones that wouldn’t be too disturbed if you stopped in the middle when Satan was prepared to leave.

Lucifer didn’t plan on stopping in the library, but Diavolo was stuck in a separate meeting and he happened to be walking by, so why shouldn’t he check on the human in his charge?

He approached you with quiet, even steps, enjoying the way you went stiff as soon as he was near enough to start speaking to you. You looked to be expecting that, though, and he just couldn’t have that. No, instead he stepped directly behind your chair, placing one hand on the back of it so his gloved knuckles barely brushed against your shoulder. Bending at the waist, he leaned down so his chin almost touched your other shoulder, his breath ghosting your ear as he peered down at the paper in front of you.

“I see you’re taking your duties here in the Devildom seriously for once,” He started, his voice almost a deep purr. “Diavolo will be pleased to hear this report.”

You were fighting a shiver at the sound of his voice alone. He knew that you knew that he could feel the way you held back your shiver. That probably pleased him more than if you had actually done it.

“U-uh, yeah,” You stammered, fiddling with your pencil. “I’m just...trying to get some work done.”

He hummed, looking over your answers and taking his sweet time doing so. The longer he remained leaning by your side, the more he could hear your breath shallowing. Even if he was in charge of your safety, that didn’t mean he couldn’t still have a little bit of fun with the human that had a penchant for having too much fun with him.

Before you could swat him away, he quickly straightened himself out and patted your shoulder. Satan had returned by that point, just rounding the corner of a bookshelf and narrowing his eyes the moment he saw Lucifer. A second later, his eyes drifted down to you and he furrowed his eyebrows - clearly, Lucifer had affected you much more than he could see, and the thought made him preen himself on the inside.

“I trust you’ll keep up the good work. Keep an eye on them, Satan.”

His cold demeanor was back, and neither of you had anything to say about it. How joyful things turned out to be.

Much to your chagrin, Lucifer was a fast learner, and he took to flustering you just enough to keep you sedated when he felt you’d cause trouble. At first, all it took was a little invasion of your personal space, a targeted breath or a pat on the shoulder, all things you could easily brush off as just him trying to communicate a point the way humans do. After a while, you built up a feeble tolerance that he could send toppling down again by switching those pats to gentle strokes. He might be getting friendly with you, but you never made any attempt to push him away.

He didn’t have any ulterior motives. He could justify himself by saying this was the only way to keep you under control. Lucifer may not have been the avatar of lust, but he was never one to be shown up by his brothers. Seduction was an art form he had mastered long ago, and even if he wasn’t purposely intending to bed you, he was a maestro at using his skills to affect you. Besides, the faces you made and the way you flustered yourself when he was even in the same room as you was enough to encourage him to keep going.

It didn’t matter that, after a while, Mammon had convinced you to get back into his schemes. It didn’t matter that when Lucifer asked you sly questions about finishing your work, you had some response about needing to have time to make his life even harder.

There was no harm in trying to keep you charmed, was there? Not when you seemed to be enjoying it so.

It's no use to just regret all night long So instead of mourning why don't you take me along? Just admit that I'm the best, can't you see? Love me till I hurt oh baby, come dance the night away with me

This was a song and dance the two of you learned the steps to quickly, one that went on for much longer than it had any right to. This was a fact you realized when it, quite literally, culminated in a dance.

Lucifer considered himself a master of tact, figuring that he could settle your tomfoolery once and for all with a rather serious talking to. Maybe, since this time you conversation would happen in public with the prince as a witness, you might listen and take some of his words to heart. Or, in the worst case scenario, at least he could be sure to keep your attention for long enough to get a meaningful message across.

Getting you alone was easy enough. Though you were surrounded by some of his brothers, it seemed Mammon was the only other one interested in separating you from the group and was stumbling over himself in his efforts to make it happen. Besides, even with the way you disregarded every warning he gave you, at least you learned that Lucifer only ever asks as a formality. So, he found himself leading you by the hand to the middle of the floor, placing a hand on your waist as casually as one can and mimicking the way the others moved around you.

“What is it you’re plotting with Asmo?” In order to keep the conversation between the two of you, he leaned down slightly to mutter in your ear - not close enough to raise any suspicions, but close enough that you could certainly feel just how much he had you in his grasp. Moments ago, he had already made you aware of his intentions, so the shocked expression on your face really had no right to be there. Still, he couldn’t say he didn’t find a sort of pleasure in the way he could practically hear your blood rush through your veins as you tried to keep up your facade of control. Unfortunately for the both of you, you were as easy to see through as you were frustrating.

“Let me make one thing clear,” He practically hissed, enjoying the way you shivered. “I respect my brothers’ freedom to do as they wish. However, if I ever sense that you’ve become a threat to Diavolo or us, then I will show you absolutely no mercy. Understood?”

Lucifer made sure to snake his arm around your back, holding you against him and gripping your hand with as much strength as he could without truly hurting you. He had effectively caged you in, making sure that you knew there was no escape from the way he knew things needed to be done. And you really needed to stop poking your nose into their business.

“I-I want to be good friends with all of you, Lucifer,” You answered, giving a pathetic tug to the hand in his grasp. Without responding, Lucifer narrowed his eyes at you and relaxed his grip slightly. Somehow, you proved yourself to be a bigger fool than he originally thought.

“Well, that is not what I want.”

He watched your face fall at that, and there was the strangest coil in his stomach at that reaction. What, had you genuinely thought you could just waltz into the Devildom and call the Demon Lords your pals? What would you even have to gain from that?

Before he could admonish you further, Solomon appeared from the crowd, offering you a smile that was so casual it could only be practiced. For just a moment, his eyes flickered to your waist, where Lucifer’s grip was still strong - Lucifer didn’t dare loosen up, lest Solomon think he had any shame in being “caught.”

When Solomon asked to steal you away, Lucifer obliged, sending you off with what could only be described as a warning glance. You seemed relieved to be in the hold of somebody else, and Lucifer couldn’t blame you. At least you seemed to have some common sense about you. Still, he couldn’t deny the way the coil in his stomach only got tighter.

He figured it was just a result of both human exchange students being massive headaches and did his best to brush it away.

Ah, don't you know all this shit is annoying me You're in my world now, away from reality As long as I can toy with you for just a moment Then I don't mind, if you aren't really mine

Perhaps Lucifer was a fool for thinking if he left you alone you wouldn’t fester.

You had managed to be so, so much worse than he ever expected you to be. It wasn’t enough to simply meddle in the affairs of the brothers so readily available to you - no, five demons were not enough to sate your endless need for trouble. So, in the few months you had been in the Devildom, you decided to somehow find the one brother he needed to keep hidden from you and, in the process of going against explicit orders, set Belphegor free and get yourself killed. For a moment, seeing your lifeless body in Mammon’s arms, Lucifer wasn’t sure what had thrown him off: seeing his brother free and knowing the punishment that was charging towards him fast enough that he didn’t know if he’d be able to stop it, or the mountain of paperwork that would surely come from this turn of events. Mammon’s desperate denial echoing through the entrance of their manor wasn’t exactly helping, either.

But then you did the only thing you did better than causing endless migraine for Lucifer: you fixed your mistakes and started building something better from them.

After you revealed yourself and let the brothers know that you were still alive - while also somehow airing everybody’s dirty laundry at once, something he made a note to talk to you about - he watched as somehow, slowly, his brothers looked at each other with the same appreciation they used to in the Celestial Realm, lurking just beneath the surface. Sure, there was still plenty of progress to be made, but he finally saw a fracture in the insurmountable mountain he had been facing for thousands of years - and it was all because of you.

With the churning feeling the thought brought him, he started to understand how love and hate were thought of as two sides of the same coin.

Leviathan could be found peeking out of his room slightly more often, gravitating to the room you were in with a handheld device and offering to show you what he was playing. Satan took his books out, too, sitting in the same room as you and occasionally casting what he thought were sneaky glances your way. Asmodeus insisted on spending more time with you in his own way, trying to hide the way he held your face in his hands a little longer than necessary by saying he was assessing the state of your skin. Beel seemed more open around you, occasionally dropping snacks in your lap without needing to be asked, giving you a look that seemed to both ask if you were alright and assure you that he was when you met eyes. Even Belphegor had warmed up to you, trying to sandwich himself in between you and anybody close to you or pulling you away to quieter spaces where he could nap in your presence. Lucifer watched as the unease gradually melted away from your expression with each attempt he made to get you alone, until you seemed to feel safe with him.

As usual, Mammon stayed by your side, especially in the days after your...incident. There were many times when you would sit on a couch in the common room, only for Mammon to come flying in moments later and sit so close to you he was practically on your lap. Lucifer bit his warnings for him to be careful back at least half of the time, deciding that this puppy-dog behavior at least seemed to be keeping the two of you out of trouble.

Trouble…

It only took your untimely death and a harsh reminder of just how close you had managed to get to his brothers to force him into realizing that trouble was all he ever thought you of. Lucifer couldn’t quite decipher why that left such a sour taste in his mouth. Perhaps it was the fact that since the incident with Belphegor, he had barely seen you. Honestly, he only saw you a fraction of the day compared to the amount of times he needed to usher you into his office to set you straight beforehand. As embarrassed as he was to be suffering through such...withdrawal, a long day of stress from his brothers had him summoning for you before dinner.

You only opened the door enough to squeeze yourself through, sneaking in as if he were a sleeping lion you shouldn’t dare to wake. He watched as you slowly made your way in front of his desk, fiddling with your fingers the way you did when you were nervous. Strange. As far as he knew, you hadn’t done anything wrong. He hoped that if you did, you had the wisdom to keep your mouth shut.

“You wanted to see me?” You asked in a small voice. Lucifer held you in a steady gaze, glad that Mammon decided not to follow you this time. He’d have known how much of an act this was from the get go and scold him for ‘making the move on his human.’

“Yes.” Lucifer took his sweet time shuffling through the papers on his desk, watching you through his peripheral vision. He could feel your stress levels rising as you waited for an unknown blow, watching as you subconsciously fidgeted the longer he let the silence go on. When he decided that he had teased you enough, he leaned back in his chair and said, “I merely wanted to see how our exchange student was doing.”

“H-huh?!” You asked. Indignation flashed on your face in the most wonderful display before quickly being taken over by your practiced calm facade. “O-oh, I’m fine, thanks.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Just fine?”

“Well….yeah. I’m good.”

Clearly, you weren’t one for conversation right now. With a sigh, he leaned back and thumbed through the papers on his desk again before pulling one out of the stack and placing it in front of him. Furrowing his eyebrows, he reached in his drawer and pulled out a small stack held together with a paperclip and dropped that one on top of the single sheet, holding back a smirk at the way you flinched.

“Good. Then I suppose we can get started on this paperwork about the whole accident.”

“What?!”

“Well, we still have to file an accidental death report. Or perhaps we should fill out an injury notice…? Ah, nevermind. It seems you’re up for both.”

He allowed you to turn on your heel and leave without another word. After staring at the now-empty space for a moment, he put the stack of absentee notices back in his drawer and continued on with his work.

It isn't jealousy or hate that made me act like that I'm not like her, so there's no need to get mad I know my way around this heat that we feel So don't worry, just enjoy Don't give me that look, boy!

You ran your hand down the side of your face, trying in futility to wipe the sleepiness from your mind. Sitting in the dimly lit office, you listened as Lucifer droned on about your test grade. The lecture had turned into a study session, which you appreciated, but it quickly turned back into a lecture after one too many mistakes on your part. You could see the irritation clear on his face, yet he was speaking to you as if you had just been caught plotting something treasonous against Diavolo.

You tried to huff quietly, but Lucifer’s sharp ears heard you. The stony glare he held you in woke you up instantly. “Oh, is this too boring? Perhaps that explains your performance.”

Already having been caught, you sighed. “No, Mammon has just been keeping me up lately.” It was too late in the night to think about how you accidentally ratted him out.

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed so you could only see the red seemingly glowing with the rage he was hardly holding back. Stopping the pacing he had taken up an hour ago, he turned towards you and took long strides to stand in front of the desk until he was beside his chair. You kept your sleepy gaze locked on his eyes, a silent challenge for him to back down. What would he do to the precious, fragile little human while they’re half asleep?

With a sigh, Lucifer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, his own way of breaking the stare-off without really admitting defeat. “I should have known he had something to do with this.”

“Hey…” If Lucifer ended up punishing Mammon for your own slip-up with your grades, you’d be feeling guilty about it for weeks. “It wasn’t really his fault. I should know by now how much studying I need to do…”

“Hmph. Since this leads back to him, I suppose I have no choice. The two of you are banned from seeing each other until I can come up with a fitting punishment and study regimen to set you both straight.”

“What?” You stood up from your chair, not changing how he literally looked down on you but feeling as if you looked more imposing. “You can’t just do that!”

“I will do what I must to keep you on track, as is my responsibility.”

“You cannot forbid me from talking to your brothers. Besides, isn’t he supposed to be my guardian?”

“You have more pacts, should the need arise. If he insists on hoarding your time as he has, then-”

“Oh, is that what this is about? I didn’t expect you to be so jealous about it.” You scoffed. “Now you’re really being a Mammon.”

“Do not compare me to him in that way ever again!” He barked at you, slamming a hand down on the desk with a loud bang! That shut you up quickly, and you watched Lucifer warily in case he lost control of himself. For a brief moment, the human glamour surrounding him faded and you saw a flicker of his wings, feathers splayed out and bristled in his anger. “This study session has gotten away from us. You may turn in for the night.”

Despite his mighty anger, the time you spent with him and your inherent recklessness left you unable to cower. The longer you stayed in a stand-off, the more pointed your expression got until you were giving him the most doubtful expression he had ever seen on your face. “You know, I wouldn’t mind spending these nights with you if they didn’t always end with you yelling at me.”

As if on cue, the D.D.D. you left on the desk lit up, allowing Lucifer a glimpse of the many messages and calls left by none other than the second brother. Fighting back a grimace, he watched you snatch it up and collect your books in a hurry. Some of the papers crinkled as you shoved them into your bag, but he didn’t wince - he did play a part in your haste, after all.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who you were going to vent to in a few minutes. Lucifer couldn’t bring himself to care, though, not when he had the distinct feeling he had ruined his chances at a goal he wasn’t aware he was trying to meet.

Love is just a feeling I do not need I can't take it so untie it as much as you please Close your eyes and stop your breath if you dare Even if this dream isn't yours, just keep dreaming it

He hadn’t intentionally softened up on you, yet he found that he took those words to heart.

After the incident in his office, you told him that you thought you’d study better on your own and improved your grade with your next test. In the weeks leading up to it, Lucifer could hardly get you to stop for him, only seeing you at dinner and when he would text you about urgent transfer student business. Even after he got word of your improved marks, he still had trouble getting to you for long enough to offer a proper congratulations. You really did prove yourself to be a ton of effort time and time again.

It wasn’t until you started to seek him out that he was able to properly communicate with you again.

You found him in the kitchen when he had dinner duty, on a rare night when he didn’t need to bribe someone to pick it up for him. He could feel your presence even with his back turned, aware of the way you leaned against the doorframe and crossed your arms. He finished chopping the ingredients on the cutting board in front of him before looking over his shoulder at you curiously.

“Need a hand?” You asked. Something in your voice was different - more confident. Lucifer could hear the challenge in it, even if the details still hadn’t made themselves known.

He gestured to the small pile of dishes in the sink, not about to turn your company away. You nodded and started to run the water, letting silence settle between you. Finding himself watching you for a few beats too long, Lucifer cleared his throat and turned his attention back to his chopped vegetables. He noticed that the second half were chopped a little more unevenly than the other pieces, and he quickly pushed them into the pan.

Clearly, you had taken a page from his book and decided to leave him in wait, biding your time before finally hitting him with your carefully chosen words. Unlike you normally were, he wasn’t on the edge of his seat, sweating in anticipation - but the longer the silence wore on, he found his patience wearing thin. Even if this performance of yours was amusing, he still found himself aggravated by just how far you thought you could push your luck.

Finally, you decided to speak up. “Have I been avoiding you these past few weeks?”

Lucifer didn’t let himself falter in stirring the pot on the stove. “I believe that’s a question only you know the answer to.”

“Hm. Well, I haven’t been meaning to.”

“Based on our last meeting, that much has been hard to tell.”

“Do you really think I’m so petty?” You turned the water on to rinse the bowl in your hands, forcing him to wait until responding.

“With so many strong personalities now bound to you in pacts, it’s hard to tell how their influence will manifest.”

You gave him a bitter laugh, shoving your hands in the water until your palms flattened out on the bottom of the sink. The warm water felt hotter on the skin on your forearms that hadn’t been able to build a tolerance to it. Even if your intent was not to start a petty argument, his intentions clearly didn’t align with yours.

“No, I think I have to solid a grasp on myself to let them do that to me.”

He said nothing, but you could hear his confident footsteps as he approached you. His gaze met yours in a silent challenge as he slid the cutting board in the water, unconsciously allowing himself to gravitate towards you. When he got too close for you, you grabbed a spatulat from the bottom of the sink and gently pressed the flat end against his chest to push him away. Lucifer glanced at his shirt, clearly miffed at the damp stripe across his chest.

“You know, Lucifer, if you want a pact with me, you just have to ask.”

For a moment, the expression on Lucifer’s face was too convoluted for you to make sense of. He certainly didn’t look caught off guard, but he also wasn’t as furious as you thought he’d be. With his eyebrows furrowed together and his gaze searching yours, you couldn’t figure out where his shock and confusion ended and his anger began. You cursed him and how he always seemed to have a grasp on what he let you know through his expressions alone.

Lucifer stood there, hoping that the confusion on your face wasn’t covering something else that would force you away from him. He couldn’t understand how you always managed to pierce through him and see directly into his mind. As he was coming to understand it, he did want a pact with you. Certainly not because he saw how close those brothers of his were to you now, though - he was not the avatar of envy, and he had nothing to be envious of, especially in regards to them - but the thought of his mark on your skin, the thought of you belonging to him in such a way was undeniably appealing.

However, every interaction with you didn’t seem to push him in the direction of ever obtaining such a relationship with you.

Quickly gathering his wits, he only scoffed and went back to his post on the other side of the kitchen. You turned towards your job, too. This time, he wasn’t the only one ruminating in stubborn silence.

I don't feel no guilt, oh, is that so wrong? Ah, instead of asking why don't you take me along? Just admit that I'm the best, now you see Love me till I hurt oh baby, come over here and set me free

Asmodeus: You won’t believe what I just found out about the succubus I was telling you about yesterday! Satan: Have you gotten to the seventeenth chapter yet? It really is the turning point, in my opinion. Leviathan: ok thx Lucifer, YOU S*CK!: Heh, yeah, that’ll be perfect. Mammon: Oi, are you even paying attention to me?!?

With a sigh, you turned your D.D.D. off without responding to the messages and tucked it back in your bag.You were already on your way to the House of Lamentation. The brothers could (and would) bother you the moment you walked through the door.

“I’ve sighed like that many times,” Lucifer said beside you, looking down at you with a polite half smile. “My brothers are hounding you again, no doubt.”

“Yeah...they’re quite...affectionate.”

“That is a word you could use,” He agreed. “Though sometimes, not the most accurate.”

You chuckled them, purposely averting your gaze. Part of Lucifer wanted to direct your attention back to him so he could watch the pretty blush that painted your cheeks as you laughed, but he kept his hands to his sides. It was so difficult anymore to know what you were thinking. The closer he got to you, the more he learned to find comfort in your presence, the more he found the pesky feeling of hope cloud his judgement and his crystal-clear vision. How could he be sure that, now that the two of you were finally on good terms, you weren’t comfortable with the relationship? It had been so long since Lucifer had to forge an entirely new relationship, and he had the world’s most troublesome (or second most troublesome, considering your competition) human to work with. Though he was never one to question his own judgement, he still couldn’t help but tsk at the sheer absurdity of the task.

“This is probably the most peaceful walk home I’ve had in a while. It’s astonishing how easy they make getting caught up in trouble on the way seem.”

“Is that why the other day you seemed so shocked when we told you the walk was only a few minutes?”

You chuckled again. “Yeah. All the detours make it seem longer.”

“Perhaps one of these days, I should take you on a detour of my own then?” When you stopped walking, he turned back to give you a sly smile. “I’m not one to be bested by my brothers, you know.”

“Wow, ruthless,” You began walking again and fiddled with your backpack strap nervously. “Maybe I should be the one to plan it, though. I’m not entirely convinced your version of a detour wouldn’t involve more paperwork.”

“Shall I be looking forward to this date, then?” Lucifer could feel the embarrassment radiating off of you. He loved to make you this flustered, so he could realign his sights while you were too preoccupied to hide behind anything. And you just so happened to be unbearably cute with your face turning red. The way you muttered ‘yes’ and dashed up the steps to the house had him preening.

Love is just a feeling I do not need I can't handle it so I'll go on tirelessly Close your eyes and feel me breathe down your neck Even if this dream isn't yours just keep dreaming it

Bit by bit, Lucifer found himself finally, finally getting closer to you without any unpleasant endings. (Well, save for the ones where one of his brothers interrupted and dragged you away, but the two of you shared a fondness for their shenanigans that made it difficult to stay mad at them.)

Or, well...staying mad at them was difficult for you/.

Lucifer wasn’t upset with his brothers, but there was a certain frustration bubbling up beneath the surface that he had to wrestle down every time he had a moment to wonder about their actions. He couldn’t blame them for wanting to spend time with you - after all, he himself was trying to make himself time in your schedule. Not only that, but the ever-approaching end of the semester was looming over them, and everyone could feel the desperate attempts to get one last bid for your affections in before you left. The whole situation was rather distracting, his far-wandering thoughts only adding to the time he spent hunched over his desk instead of out with you.

Lucifer was not a man to waste time bemoaning facts that he could not change. That did not mean he was immune from all feelings of doubt or irritation. He might have been able to concentrate if there wasn’t such a pesky thought creeping up on him the second he let his mind stray from his papers. Still, he couldn’t help the ugly sensation of being caught in a competition where he might actually be losing.

Though he had faith in your tenacity - that and your boldness were truly qualities to marvel at - Lucifer did wonder just how much you valued availability. He thought that the two of you had come to a silent agreement - that you thought alike, that you felt alike - but as much as he knew what happened beyond the door to his office, you remained the enigma.

It would be so easy if he could just get you to admit that he was the one you thought of above all the others. The desire for such a simple statement, he hid with faux aggravation at your refusal to admit such a simple task. As much as he tried to convince himself that you were hanging out with the others as a replacement for him, he knew just how much and how uniquely you valued the others.

He didn’t need to use force to get what he wanted, but he was slightly accustomed to nothing standing strong in the presence of his power. You, however, never bowed, and it grated at him how much he wanted to rightfully earn that place in your heart and how difficult it was to just get you to say it.

His thoughts distracted him from his papers, his papers distracted him from his thoughts. They all distracted him from you, aside from when he wondered if you were thinking something similar about him.

Are you really asking why you're alone? Turned your back on me and I get why you don't want more Come back, hold me, dear, love me till I scream

Your departure was approaching, and Lucifer found himself alone.

His moments not spent on work or cleaning up after his brothers were normally spent with you. Unless, of course, those moments happened in the early hours of the morning and he should be dead on his pillow.

Perhaps if he found himself graced with your presence, he wouldn’t have slept anyway. It wasn’t sleep he was chasing, after all, but you. You were the one he was vying for, even if his pursuit felt less romantic and more like running after a wild goose. No good things came easy, he told himself. He didn’t need easy.

But your longing glances were getting harder to pull away from, and the days until you left were already in the single digits. It was hard enough to steal you away for a moment, let alone enough time to lay his intentions bare and finally get what you both wanted.

He hated the thought that he had let you take the lead in the relationship in a roundabout sense, so he preoccupied himself with anger over having to do all the hard work himself.

He could list off all the reasons you would return to him, the obvious choice, for hours if asked, and even then only put a dent in the miles of options. The fact that he even considered justifying himself to anyone felt foreign, but he let his mind settle on the thought anyway. Still, it didn’t go unnoticed how you didn’t try to leave the sides of his other brothers, how nobody bothered to knock on his door anymore, too preoccupied with you. He missed you already, and he hadn’t even seen you off yet.

Lucifer knew that you’d come to him eventually. He didn’t doubt you, and he certainly didn’t doubt himself. But you had a habit of making him wait and wonder.

He was just about tired of waiting, he was tired of wondering, and he didn’t know if he could take another dream that only left him more confused than he was when he fell asleep.

Don't you ever wake up baby, keep on dreaming our dream

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stu-dying-fox · 3 years

Note

hii i’m a new follower <3

i’m also studying law (i’m on my first year) and i’m struggling to pass the exams because i got used to not study in high school and still get excellent grades but now i don’t have the habit of studying and it’s a problem lol

could you give me any advice pls?? also how many hours do you usually study when you have classes and you’re not on your finals?? tysm <33

Hello friend!

Gonna be honest here, the number of hours I usually study when I have classes is zero. Because I'm a lazy bastard who pushes all their responsibilities onto future-me. Meaning I'm the type to do nothing all semester and then get to cramming in the last few weeks before finals (:

And I would say "don't be like me" but it's gotten me this far so it's not like it isn't working. Could I have saved myself stress and anxiety by spreading my studying out over the whole year like literally everyone told me? Probably. Will this knowledge motivate me to change my ways in the future? Absolutely not.

Basically, figure out how much studying you need to do to get the grades you need, and how much studying you're willing to do to get the grades you want. If you can pass the exams by just reading over the material the afternoon before, and you're content with a passing grade, that's all you need to do. If you want better grades, do more. At the end of the day it's weighing the joys of life against the grades you want, and finding a compromise that works for you.

For me the joys of being 20 and in uni and doing fun stuff with my friends outweighed my desire for excellent grades during most of my time at uni, because law in Germany is structured in a way that your normal uni grades don't count into your final grade, just the final exams are what matters. Thus I did the bare minimum up until now that I'm preparing for the final exam with the grade that will determine my entire career.

To give you some actual advice though, I've found that making routines works best (for me). Make going to the library/sitting down at your desk to study part of your daily or weekly routine, like you'd do with sports or music or whatever activities you do otherwise. And while you're there, read over your notes, fill any gaps you missed during the lecture, and solve some practice cases. Or do some research on an obscure side topic you find interesting.

Figure out ways of studying that work for you. I need to write things down by hand or I won't remember them, so I write a lot summaries. Maybe flashcards work for you or one of the many online study apps and programs.

Also, find/start a study group. Friends are always good to have but it'll also help you study by a) holding you accountable bc you have to show up and be prepared, b) explaining stuff to people and having stuff explained to you works wonders, and c) if you miss a lecture you can copy your friends' notes. Also you can remind each other not to miss deadlines. (I had to retake an exam bc I forgot to sign up for it in time, wasn't fun, don't recommend).

Wishing you all the best, you got this!!

💛 Fox

#fox answers #fox studies #chaotic academia #law student #law studyblr #studyblr

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lengthofropes · 3 years

Text

POVs series

Part 2: Sam

(Part 1: Cas is here)

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words: 3,3k | smr: Sam’s POV as Cas returned from the Empty | read on A03

rating: general | warnings: none I guess?

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I’ve never seen Cas drinking through a straw. I’ve never seen him having a milkshake either, but here he is. On the backseat of Impala, with Dean sitting next to him and laughing as hard as he possibly can.

“What is so funny?” Cas frowns at him, sounding sincerely confused. Dean can’t answer cause he’s literally choking with snickering. To be honest, yeah, this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years.

“You’re… you’re just slurping so loud!” Dean finally manages, wiping a laugh tear from his eye. "Cas, you gotta…” and he can’t finish the sentence because he's breathless with laugh again.

"I don't understand. Is this supposed to be a dessert?" Cas asks.

“Yeah, we can’t make a decent milkshake at home, so I thought you should try it here” Dean’s still giggling, but slowly calms down. “I know you like peanut butter with strawberry jelly, so maybe you'd like a strawberry milkshake too”

“Oh. This is too sweet”

And I swear Dean is slightly blushing now, I swear! This is even funnier than Cas slurping, but I’m holding back a smile cause yeah, this is too sweet.

“Yeah, umm… No, I just… I though you’d like it…”

“I like it, but it’s too sweet.” Cas looks at him and adds “The milkshake”

“Oh!…”

This time I can’t hold it back and just burst out with laughter.

“What’s so funny again?” Castiel is confused even more, I can see in a back view mirror.

“Nothing” - Dean to Cas.

“Shut up!” - Dean to me. But I just can’t stop.

“Gimme that!” - to Cas again, taking the milkshake from his hand and slurping even louder than Cas. "It's not too sweet it's just perfect!"

We haven't laughed like this for a long time, too long.

Through the months Castilel’s been absent, times were tough sometimes. Me and Dean, we had to sort out a lot of stuff, and believe me, it wasn’t that easy.

We talked about a lot of things, then. We started with the simplest.

What are we about to do now? Continue hunting? Get ourselves a decent jobs? Should we move somewhere else?

Move, huh. We weren’t ready to, at that point, guess we’re not ready still, not sure if we actually want to. Not sure, we know where to, how to, even. So many things have changed, we needed at least something to stay the same, stay solid for us. So we kind of… continued our usual routine in the bunker, with an exclusion of hunting for a while. We needed a rest. Probably, sticking up with the domestic stuff helped. You wake, make yourself breakfast, you eat, you read or watch movies, you make some calls, you exercise, you shower, you sleep. You do groceries, laundry, cleaning. You, being normal. Functional, pretty much. Slowly accepting your new world and the life you're now living. Like, piece by piece, understanding and acceptance comes.

Bunker felt so... I don’t know, remarkably unoccupied those days?

Weird, cause we used to live here on our own, sometimes for weeks. Sometimes even months. But now it was… I guess it’s just knowing, that this time someone won’t come back here, this knowing… it made it hard to walk those corridors. I missed Cas. I missed Jack, too. But… you know.

First month we stayed at the Bunker on our own. I mean, of course I went to see Eileen, it’s the first thing I wanted to do after everyone returned. I don’t even know how I can describe the feeling when I've read the message from her. I…

We were driving home. With Miracle, sleeping on the backseat. And Jack’s “I’m not coming home” still too loud in our ears. And my phone beeped. It was her. She was the first person we got a message from.

“Hey, Sam”

That’s it, “Hey, Sam” - and it’s easier to breathe. I remember, I couldn’t text her back, just kept looking and looking at my phone.

“Eileen?” Dean asked.

“Yeah… yeah. She’s… she texted”

I literally could add nothing to that. Dean just smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Rest of the road we called and called everyone, checking, laughing on loudspeaker, explaining, repeating the story about Chuck all over again. It was good. Those were the moments worth fighting for - hearing the voices of your family again. We were so happy, so relieved. And free, at last.

Next day the first thing Dean said to me, was that I need to go to see Eileen.

“Nope, now! Pack your shit and go! ‘Cmon, Sammy, do me a favor, huh?”

Not sure I need to explain the argument between us, cause I didn’t want to leave him alone. Or should I say, the argument inside my head between me and me, the one who cares about my brother, and the one who loves Eileen. But well, he insisted, he insisted hard. And I’d lie if I say, to see her alive and well, to finally hold her, wasn’t on top of my needs.

So yeah, Dean understood me even better than I did myself. He assured me, that everything’s gonna be fine, and he has work to do - go to the vet with Miracle and buy all the things we need to make the bunker a home for her, too.

I came back home in two days. Eileen went for a long trip to meet up with all her friends, and she promised to come to the bunker in few weeks. And stay for a little longer. Dean was pretty excited, though, even asked why the hell I didn’t bring her back with me immediately. So yeah, visiting her friends was a nice excuse to…

He needed time.

I didn’t tell him how heartbroken she was, when I told her Cas was gone.

He needed time. And I needed to stay close. Because even if I’ve lost my dearest friend, Dean have lost way more than that.

Dean seemed “normal”. Not sad, not unnaturally cheerful, not heartbroken, not… anything. And it was scary as hell. I didn’t try to talk to him. He didn’t try to talk to me. Geez, at that time, I didn’t even knew how exactly it all happened. How did Cas summoned the Empty? Why it took him? But I just waited. I just think it’s time, when…it’s time. Because one thing I knew for sure, something in Dean has changed. Changed very deep. And it wasn’t a grief, no, that was something else.

One morning I saw him looking at himself in a bathroom mirror. I just stood at he door, not to interrupt, cause the look on his face was… like he was examining himself, actually seeing something for the first time. Figuring, if he likes it or not.

So, I was there, and I was waiting for him to be ready to share. Giving him time and space.

Dean quit drinking.

He just stopped. I didn’t bring it to his attention, that I’ve noticed. It’s just one day I passed him a bottle of beer in the kitchen, and he mumbled something like “nah, I’m good”, and next day I saw him opening the fridge to pour himself some orange juice. And the next day, we were watching something, and I put a cold six pack on a table. He didn’t touch it. So I just quit offering.

I didn’t ask.

Now Dean is siting next to Cas on a backseat. Today, it’s been two weeks since Jack brought him back home, but Dean is still always around him, ready to catch him if he is dizzy again (yeah, it still happens sometimes), or he’s disoriented, or unexpectedly weak. Cas feels much better, though. But we constantly keep an eye on him. Well, I’d say I try to, but Dean doesn’t seem to let me, you know? Actually, it’s the first time he left the bunker in these two weeks. He rarely even leaves Cas’ room, though, maybe only when he cooks for him or goes to the library to grab another book. When Cas falls asleep, he walks out, and we usually talk in the kitchen or wherever.

When we go to sleep to our rooms, Dean doesn’t stays in his for long.

Two months ago he couldn’t sleep in his room, too, but the reasons were different. I remember constantly finding him in the morning, sleeping anywhere else but his bed. Face on the table in the kitchen, in the armchair in the library, on the couch in his cave. One time I’ve found him in the backseat of Impala in the garage. Dean used to drink himself to sleep, when times were tough. Now that he quit, he just stayed up until he passed out. No need to be genius, to figure he’s been having nightmares. No need to be genius, to figure what those nightmares were about. I still see the burning ceiling in my dreams, rarely, but yeah, I do.

And yeah, he told me he’s having nightmares. He told me not to worry about it, cause it’s a normal reaction, and it will pass.

What he didn’t told me, Jack did.

That day, I woke up and went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and go for a jog. Jack was there. Just standing next to the fridge, drinking milk.

To be honest, at first I thought I was still dreaming. But then he raised his hand “hi” and I…

“Hi Sam!”

“Jack… is it really you? I mean… hey!” I’m not sure if I supposed to hug God but well, I did. And he hugged me back and for a moment it felt like everything is back as it used to be. As it used to be, yeah. Our kid drinking milk in our kitchen.

It was 6 in the morning, and I’ve had one of the most complicated conversations I’ve ever had in my life.

Jack told me everything. About the deal Cas made to save him. About the price of that deal.

About Dean praying to him every single night for the past weeks.

Jack was good, though, he coped very well with all his new responsibilities; hell is fine, Earth is fine, new Death is great, heaven is getting some renovations, and angels are finally calm and satisfied. The only problem is the Empty. Since he detonated himself in front of Cosmic Entity, he has no idea what was happening there. If Chuck was able to bring angels and demons from there, it changed, apparently, after the explosion, because the structure of the void has been damaged.

“Every time I try to reach it, it’s like I’m walking in the dark, like I’ve lost the path and I have no idea where I should go. I tried to summon the Entity, tried to open the portal - nothing works.” Jack looked concerned and dreary. “I don’t know what is happening there. I can only guess, everyone’s awake there. And they all are supposed to rest, supposed to sleep. If I made them suffer…” He looked at me with remorse in his eyes. “Castiel is there too. Sam, what if he…”

I felt sick. What if Jack’s right? What if all the dead angels and demons are going crazy in there? What if Cas sacrificed himself again only to suffer for the eternity?

“They all deserve to rest, and I need to make sure they are. And I want him back, Sam. I want my father back”

“Yeah… yeah. We all do. We just didn’t think it is somehow possible again”

“I’ll make it possible, I promise. I’ll keep trying. But I don’t know if I should answer to Dean’s prayers. I cannot fill him with hope, I need to make sure…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think he’ll be able to handle it, if we end up failing…”

“He probably thinks I’m an asshole” Jack grinned bitterly. “Or that I’m too busy, or I forgot…”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t pray to Jack cause I missed him too bad, and I didn’t think I’ll ever see him again. And about Castiel, I just understood it’s impossible to bring him back, the second everyone else have returned. If that were possible, Jack would bring him back with everyone else, too. I didn’t realise there may be a different possibility.

“You really think you can do this? Bring him back?” I asked instead.

“I have to. And I will” He looked at me, stubborn and determined. “I just need time”

I took a deep breath. That was heavy. Seeing Jack again, knowing the truth about Cas. Stay silent for Dean. This is not the first time I have been hiding something from my brother. But at least now it is more than justified.

Next week Eileen arrived, and things got a little better. Dean was very happy to see her, though, like, really glad. The three of us been spending a lot of time together, constantly chatting about everything, watching movies, cooking, even playing board games. What can I say? Eileen is a ball of sunshine, of course everything’s better in her presence.

And I knew Dean felt better, too. Since there were no news from Jack in weeks, I decided it was a good tactic, to keep the bunker filled with people we love. So, I called everyone, and the next month was full with friendly visits.

Kaia and Claire came first and stayed for few days, they were on a hunt in a town nearby. Then Jody and Alex joined us. They both took two weeks leave from work and decided to spend some of it with us. Gotta say, I was upset when they left. Not least because Dean stopped making delicious “special occasion” pancakes for breakfast.

Charlie and Stevie called. They were on a vacation too - just left to travel around Europe for a month. Yeah, good for them. They promised to meet up with us as soon as they come back.

Donna couldn't make it to us, cause she was too busy. Things were relatively quiet in Stillwater, but her deputy got sick, so she had to work a little harder those days. So me, Eileen and Dean went to visit her instead. Those were two good days, a lot of hugs and donuts and the latest police gossips.

The next stop was Garth's house, and Eileen was extremely excited to meet the whole werewolf family. Little Cas and Sam grew bigger and Garth warned us to be careful now with their teeth. Good point. We didn't stay for long though, just for dinner, but Eileen is now Gertie's bestie, and Gertie calls her "giant's girlfriend".

Not long after we got back to bunker, Bobby stopped by for a beer. He was doing well, too, same as all the rest of the survived refugees from the Apocalypse world. They all quit hunting and settled in Lebanon, living their lives peacefully. It was good to see him, all clean and calm. He deserved his retirement.

That was, actually, the exact moment I realised I don’t want to hunt anymore. I’m done. No more blood on my hands.

Yeah, there’s still a lot of things to hunt in this world. But I just don’t want to. But we’re still the last men of letters. Why not to become…a mentors? Turn bunker into headquarters again? We can’t just leave all the lore, all the knowledge here, untouched.

This thought has firmly settled in the backyard of my mind. Yes, we'll come back to this later, for sure. When we will figure out all the things.

A nice month, yeah. Then Eileen went to help her friends with a little ghoul problem. I must say, I’m still overprotective, but at least I agreed to let her go by herself, since she gave me The Look. Okay, three of them will be there, one ghoul. They can handle it. Besides, “Girl needs to have fun sometimes, Sam!” and yes, she needed some space. And she promised to keep me updated.

It was the evening I’ve received “All done! That was too easy, I’m disappointed. We’re driving to their place now, it’s couple of hours. Facetime you soon!” No, I wasn’t relieved, because I wasn’t worried, honestly! But still went to Dean’s cave, where he was watching something, to tell him the news.

“Hey, got a message from Eileen, she kicked that ghoul’s ass”

“Ha! I didn't doubt her!” Dean grinned at me, making a sound of the TV quieter.

“Yeah, she probably will be home in few days. Listen…”

I didn’t finish. Bright light filled the corridor.

“Sam. Now” I couldn’t even see his face, but Jack’s voice was loud and high with emotion.

“What?? Jack??” I screamed back.

“What is happening?” Dean ran out the room, facing the light in the hallway. “Jack?? Sam, what’s going on?”

“Sorry, I didn't have time to warn you. It happened all at once. Sam, I'm coming in, I found the entrance. I can do it, I know. Explain to him, tell him…” And he disappeared.

We were standing there, shaking in shock.

“What the hell is going on? Explain me what? Sam? The fuck is happening? Was that Jack?”

I wasn’t ready for this, it happened not the way I imagined. I though I’ll have enough time for this conversation. What was I suppose to do? Explain? How??

Dean was looking at me, eyes wide with concern. Okay, okay… just gonna tell it the way it is, calm and slow.

“Yeah, it was Jack…” And my mouth turned dry.

“….and?” Dean kept looking at me “Explain what? Sam, cmon! He was worried, goddamit! What’s going on?”

“Okay, okay… He, umm. For the past months he’s been trying to get to The Empty”

Dean was speechless. He turned pale.

“He couldn’t get there, he couldn’t even summon the Entity to talk. He thought it was because of the explosion. But he, umm, he kept on trying. He promised me he will keep trying.”

“He… promised you?”

“Yeah… He appeared here, a little more then a month ago. He…” It was hard to look into my brother’s eyes, but somehow, I did it. “Dean, he was trying to bring Cas back. All this time”

His expression was unreadable. Something between anger, fear, disbelief and shock.

“And you didn’t tell me…”

“Because he asked. Because he wasn’t sure how long will it take. He wanted to tell you, when he’s ready to do it. And I didn’t want to tell you too, because if we fail at this…”

“Okay, shut up” He leaned into the wall, all trembling, trying to calm his breath. “He said… he said “Now!” Does it mean… Sammy, what does it mean?”

There was a plea in his eyes. So much fear. And a plea.

“Yes.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You've heard him”

Dean grabbed my shoulder.

“Sammy…”

The bunker started to shake - the walls, the floor, as like an earthquake.

“Sammy… the dungeon”

And we ran, as fast as we could.

So yeah, today we finally went to buy Cas some closes, although he seems to like all those Dean’s hoodies, he looks like an E.T., when he wears them.

Nothing extraordinary, just basic stuff like jeans and shirts and sweaters. Though Dean bought him a cowboy hat, and I swear I could hear quiet “Not again..” from Cas. But he scored with picking one of the world’s ugliest sweaters that I’ve ever seen - blue, with a giant yellow bee on the front. Dean’s face was pure shock when he saw that one, and he immediately put it out of the shopping basket, shaking his head. But the second Cas got distracted with his shoelaces, Dean put that ugly piece back and quickly went to the checkout.

Now he’s drinking strawberry milkshake in the backseat.

It’s a movie night tonight. Eileen makes popcorn.

#destiel fic #destiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #fieryfrankie #seraphcastiel #becauseofthebowties #casjpg #userdainty #holmesemrys #scottstiles #ugh sorry probably lot of mistakes and typos here:)))#I'm too lazy....dasdfghjkl #and there's a lot of missing pieces here. I saved some explanations for the further chapters ggggg:)#fic tag

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honeypirate · 4 years

Text

Kunikida Doppo x Fem!Reader

5495 words. I went hard for this guys.

I took Ango’s ability for the reader because I like it and so this is now an AU where the reader has the Discourse on Decadence ability and takes memories from objects touched.

I know they don’t all live together but they do in this fic haha at least Kunikida, Dazai, and you are roommates although you’re hardly ever there together. Half of the time Dazai doesn't even sleep there. You’re the only one that really frequents, if you didn't all share rent you would assume you lived there alone save for late night run ins in the kitchen and bathroom.

Warning: a couple swears.

Being in love with a man who was meticulous for following perfect schedules and plans was fine, you loved the structure and appreciated the consistency, but what really hurt, what really felt like your heart was ripped from your body with Akutagawa’s gift, was the fact that he had 58 conditions which he required for a spouse, and you only had 53 of them. You knew you failed his test, failed the expectations he had for a partner, and that someone as meticulous as him would never change his ways for someone who wasn’t above and beyond perfect when it came to those 58 ideals, but damn, you came so close, and that stung like a bitch.

You had asked him one day what they were, out of curiosity when it naturally came up from Dazai teasing him about it, he showed you it with pleasure, and you noted mentally the boxes you filled, your heart cracking into more pieces with every box you didnt fill. 5, 5 things about you that are failures. You couldn't help but hate the number.

You appeared at the door at 8am, right on the dot, the moment you were scheduled to be there and not a minute sooner or later. He really did like that about you, the fact that he never had to doubt you, he trusted that you always were where he scheduled you, you were the only one on the team that followed his orders to the T. “let’s go y/n we have to investigate a murder and your gift will really help” you nod with a smile “ready when you are”

“Why did you want to join the detective agency?” he asks, he wasn't a huge part of your entrance exam and missed the questioning part Dazai did. You sigh as you think, remembering the day you joined 7 months ago, clasping your hands behind your back as you walk, “at first it was because I wanted to rebel, my parents wanted me to hide my gift and act like their perfect child, I dropped out of college and decided to train my gift, ultimately leading me to you guys. After I learned about how other gifteds are using their powers to help people I realized that I was using my gift poorly. I felt an overwhelming need to protect others, to protect my city, if i have this gift and shirk the responsibility it comes with, then it is just as much my fault if innocents die when I could have been the one to help them”

He’s quiet for a while before he speaks again “that is admirable” is all he says before you get to your destination. If he was being honest, your answer was inspiring and he knows he would be writing it down in his notes later.

You do your investigating, using the memories from the objects on the scene to find the culprit easily, finishing the job quicker than he had planned leaving you with approximately 14 minutes to spare in the schedule. As he finishes writing down some notes you appear beside him “we have like 12-13 minutes left in your schedule so i got us some roasted bonito. I didn’t see you eat like you normally do so i figured..” you shrug and hand him the food you bought him. He takes it from your gloved hand silently, his gaze piercing and prudent, but his heart was racing, you were so kind and always looked out for him. He appreciated your care but didn’t know how to react to it. “Efficient because we can eat it on our way back. Finishing early is always nice, I love the free moments where my mind is able to relax and process things.” You say and He watches you take a bite and hum softly as you appreciate the flavor. He makes a mental note to schedule in an extra 2-3 minutes on missions he goes on with you just so he can give you a second to breathe if you need it.

You get back to the office with a few extra minutes to spare, you head to your desk to fill out paperwork and he watches you go, wondering why his heart seems to beat harder now that you left him. “Oooh does someone have a crush” Dazai says quietly as he teases Kunikida “I don’t know what you’re talking about. She is my coworker and besides,” “she lacks 5 of your spousal requirements yeah yeah. Maybe you're just a little too uptight with those 5, has anyone ever even gotten that close before?” Dazai looks at him with a smirk and Kunikida just walks off mumbling something about paperwork.

The rest of the day went by as all of the rest seemed to, slow and filled with paperwork and sometimes smaller missions, you didn't mind though, in the office you had a straight line to watch Kunikida, and on missions you were helping people. You didn’t mind slow days, it meant no one was dying.

You decided to break your routine, deciding to treat yourself to something special since your heart has been hurting for so long. You had a plan of getting something for dinner, doing a little indulgent spending, and then going home to drink a glass of wine and have a facemask and a movie night. You told Naomi of your plan since you two were close like sisters, not in her definition of a sibling though.

You had dinner at your favorite restaurant, eating in the booth with the window that showed the sunset, then went to your favorite stores, buying a new silk red pajama set with shorts that had white lace around the leg openings. You bought a new red pencil skirt for work and a necklace that would match it.

When you get home it’s so quiet you assume no one is there, you put your things away and shower before changing into your new pajamas, you had to admit, you looked delectable in them. You got a glass of wine and then took the bottle with you to your room to watch a movie. After about two glasses and half of the movie you felt a little tired so you decided to go to bed, you brought your glass and the wine back to the kitchen, wanting to put the bottle away in its cupboard and wash your cup. Although you only had two glasses you could feel your skin buzzing from the alcohol.

As you go to put the bottle away you get startled when a voice speaks in the dark “What are you doing up so late?” His deep voice makes you jump and drop the glass and the bottle onto the floor around your bare feet, wine and glass going everywhere. “Hang on” he says and walks over, gently and easily lifting you up to sit on the countertop behind you as he grabbed towels and a broom to clean up the mess “i’m sorry Kunikida, you scared me but I should have been more careful” you whisper, why does the darkness of night always make you feel like you should whisper? “I’m sorry for frightening you, you have nothing to apologize for” he finishes cleaning up the mess, throwing out the glass and paper towels before turning back to you. “You never answered my question” he says and you smile sweetly “just putting back the wine” you say innocently and a smile threatens to tug on his lips.

“Oh you got wine on you” he says and before he realizes his actions he’s kneeled down on one knee, holding your foot gently and cleaning away the wine that has sprayed up your leg. “Ouch” you say and pull your foot away “what hurts?” he asks and then turns your foot gently “you have a piece of glass in your foot” he says and then gently pulls it free “wait here I am going to go get the first aid kit” before you can object he’s gone, down the hall to the bathroom.

When he comes back you’re swinging your feet softly and humming along to a song stuck in your head, he pauses for a moment at the doorway, noting how long and beautiful your legs looked in your new pajamas, you made his mouth dry

He came back, kneeling down once again to hold your foot, cleaning it with some peroxide before applying some neosporin and a bandaid, his cheeks flushed as he uses all of his willpower not to run his hands up your legs and grip your thighs, pushing your legs apart as he stands between them, kissing your soft- he cuts those thoughts short, you didn't meet the requirements, you weren’t the one.

When he stood you followed what the alcohol in your veins was telling you, leaning into him you lay your head against the tall man's chest as you hugged him. “Thank you for always protecting me Kunikida” his hands find their way to your back, he can smell your shampoo and the natural scent of your skin, it's intoxicating to him.

He had two choices, push you as far away as he could and reprimand you even though he is just as at fault, or embrace you and throw his list out the window. Maybe Dazai was right and he was too stuck up with the list, he was sure about one thing, that you were the only one who almost filled the entire list, the other five being self indulgent he could cross them out and then you would be the one. He was so confused, his life was his book, he was his book, his ideals were everything. Good thing ideals can change and evolve with time.

You pull back and push him away softly before hopping down from the counter, your hands on his shoulders as you look up at him. He smiles down at you, a lovely smile that looked so genuine, filled with unspeakable loneliness in his eyes. You reach up and untie the crimson ribbon around his neck and stand on your tiptoes, kissing his cheek/chin and whispering a goodnight before walking off back to your bedroom. If he reprimanded you tomorrow you would blame the drinks and claim to be a lightweight.

The next morning you wear your new crimson red pencil skirt, a white blouse tucked in, and the ribbon you took from Kunikida, around your neck twice and tied in bow, like the perfect choker that puts the necklace you bought the day before to shame. You slip on your black heels and exit your room, heading down to the kitchen to have a coffee and some breakfast, you’re usually up and out the door before everyone else so that you can take the long way to work, through the park to see the spring blooming.

“You’re up early” his voice shocks you again, but this time you keep a hold on your coffee cup “I could say the same to you, I’m always up at this time. Coffee?” he nods with a small smile and you turn around to poor him some from the pot you made, he never knew who made coffee, he knew that it was made when he got up but assumed you just put it on a timer, not that you were already up at this hour since you came into work right on time when you were scheduled. He wonders what you do with your mornings.

You hand him a cup and he takes it with a smile “thank you y/n” he says and you nod “no problem” you go back to making your breakfast, pretending like last night’s incident isn’t fresh on your mind, until your toe kicks a piece of glass that was stuck under the lower cabinet. You crouch down, picking up the piece as Kinikida comes around “you’re not one to miss something Kunikida” you hold it up with a sly smile “If i didn’t know better, I’d say I really flustered you last night” (if i didn't know about your list is more like it) his heart was racing, you did fluster him, “nonsense” he says, taking the glass and disposing of it, pretending to not notice the necklace you had made from his ribbon around your neck, or the way that you looked practically kneeling in front of him.

You laugh as you stand, going back about your business, wrapping your breakfast up and throwing your bag over your shoulder before grabbing your travel coffee mug and sending him another, albeit fake this time, smile, “nonsense, I know I know, I don't even make the list. 58. I’ll see you at the office, Kunikida.” You bow slightly before leaving him in the kitchen, just as flustered as you had him last night, if you had pushed just a little more, he would have confessed, confessed that he has practically rewritten his list around you. Part of him wonders where you’re off to, you’re not scheduled for another hour and a half and he knows for a fact the walk takes ten minutes. He sighs, finishing his coffee, if he wanted to know he would just ask you later.

The day went by smoothly, you did your missions, did your paperwork, and went home. Sadly though, because of a fight during a mission, you lost the ribbon you took from Kunikida and in turn got a ring of budding bruises and burns because of the villain using it to try and strangle you. What was worse was that you weren’t able to even see Kunikida for the rest of the day.

You walked up the steps of the home slowly, making sure you didn’t wake anyone, if they were even here, it’s past 11 now, your last fight took a while and so did the paperwork. If you shower quickly you can give yourself at least 20 minutes of time to relax and process before going to sleep, already hating your morning alarm.

You head to your room, take off your clothing and hang them up, placing the hanger by the door so that you can drop it by the dry cleaners in the morning. Once inside the bathroom you start the shower to warm up, looking at yourself in the mirror you gently touch your neck, hissing at the pain and quickly retreating your fingers. Sighing, you run your fingers through your hair, blood dried and caked in a few places making your fingers get stuck on tangles, you grab your comb and take it into the shower with you, combing through gently after it’s been washed and conditioned.

You sigh again, grabbing the wine bottle, before you even reach for a glass you think better of it, uncorking it and drinking straight from the bottle. The sound of the bottom of the bottle scraping as you placed it down against the marble sounded loud in the quiet, dark room, but compared to the sound of the feet stomping down the stairs it was silent.

You take another drink then gasp as the light turns on in the kitchen, causing you to yet again drop what you were holding on to the floor, the bottle shattering around your feet and your head hanging, this isn't what you needed, something else to keep you from sleep. Before you can even think of bending down to clean up the mess, you are lifted to the counter again, the same as the previous night, but what made it different was the gentle fingers, turning your face up to look at him.

“We have to stop meeting like this” you say, trying to diffuse the tension, but by the way his lips turned down into a frown, made you break, you couldn’t get reprimanded right now, not by him, not by the one person you wish would comfort you. You tear your head from his grasp, looking back down at your lap as the tears gather in your eyes and your throat tightens in what feels like agony.

“Stay here” he says as he disappears, once he’s gone your face scrunches up, failing to hold back tears anymore you cover your face with your hands, muffling your cries and hiding your face even though the hot tears just slid down your palms and off your chin, hitting your thighs silently.

When he gets back he pauses, seeing you look so vulnerable, at your end, he’s never seen you like this and it absolutely kills him. he knows his damn list, knows what he has said before, but somehow, regardless of his words or actions, his heart has chosen for itself. He crosses the room in seconds, sets the first aid kit down beside you, and wraps his arms around you, pulling you to his chest.

your hands find their way around his back, grabbing fistfulls of the shirt he was wearing, your face buried in his chest as your tears soaked through the fabric. He held you tight, his hand smoothing down your hair as your sobs wracked through you. When you were done crying he held you longer, waiting for when you were ready, when you would pull away.

All he can think about as he holds you was how pissed off he was when Dazai told him you were attacked, how pissed off he was at the villian you fought. But so proud of you for your win, for your fighting skills, he was told you were almost killed, almost strangled to death with your necklace, the necklace that was made from his ribbon. It made him angry because he wasn't there to keep that from happening, he knew you were strong but he felt this pit in his stomach, that he was so close to losing you and you didn't even know that he cared so much for you. The way Dazai looked at him made him angrier, all he could do was change the subject and finish paperwork. He was worried about you. When he heard you in the shower he was grateful you were home, he resisted going to you when he heard you back in your room, told himself to go to sleep when he heard your footsteps go back down the steps. But when he didn’t hear you come back in a few minutes he couldn’t control himself, running down the steps as quick as he could, he couldn't help it, he needed to make sure you were okay.

When you pulled back from him you felt embarrassed, “Sorry Kuni-” he tilts your head up to look at him “you have nothing to be sorry about” he whispers, brushing your tears away and then leans down to kiss your forehead. You gasp in shock as he acts like this was a normal thing between you two, looking at him with wide, bloodshot eyes as he grabs the first aid kit. He takes out the Neosporin and then puts some on his fingers before gently rubbing some on your neck, you hiss and pull away from the pain “I’m sorry” he says and you shake your head before taking his other hand, holding it as you tilt your face away to expose your neck better in the light.

He frowns as he sees the extent of damage your neck took. “I’m sorry for taking your ribbon. Karma, i guess” you whisper through gritted teeth as he gently applies the cream to your neck, the broken bottle and spilled wine forgotten about for the time being. “Hush” he says and squeezes your hand, he moves to the other side of your neck and you roll your head to keep the correct side of the wound in the light. His touch feels nice on your neck, his gentle cool fingers against your angry red, wounded neck, you sigh softly, a sweet sound to his ears. He squeezes your hand again as he finishes his work and you drop it, turning your face to look at him.

“You can have any ribbon of mine you want” he says calmly as he grabs a hand towel from the counter and crouches down, wiping up the wine carefully. You look down at him with your eyebrows raised “Kunikida?” He looks up at you from your feet “what?” He responds and you chuckle softly, your stuffy nose changing the sound “why are you being so nice to me?” He looks back down to his cleaning so you don’t see his blushing cheeks, his heart beating wildly, “what do you mean? I’m a nice guy” he says and you laugh “you are. But you’re making me feel special, that’s usually not your M.O. I mean I’m not even that worthy by your standards.” You say and you feel your heart crack at finally saying the truth out loud.

He sighs, the weight in the room heavy as he finishes cleaning up the wine and glass, just throwing away the glass towel, making a mental note to buy a replacement tomorrow. He walks back over to where you are, still sitting on the counter, looking down at your toes and focusing on the cool tile under your palms and the way the heat in your neck throbs.

He places his palms against your knees, gently opening them to stand between them, you gasp as he places his fingers under your chin and tilts your face up to look at him. He looks fiercely serious and your eyes flick down to his lips for a second before meeting his eye again, blushing as he smirks at your actions.

“Y/n” he starts, his voice deep and as serious as he looks, you don’t know if he’s going to reprimand you or not. “Where do you go in the morning before work?” he asks and a chuckle bubbles out your throat “Kunikida, here I thought you were going to kiss me but instead you wanted to ask me about my morning ritual? Come with me in the morning and you can see” he nods, his cheeks pink “okay I will” he says and then picks you up easily into his arms “what are you doing? Oh god please don’t drop me” he chuckles as you cling to him and doesn’t say anything as he carries you upstairs to your bedroom, tucking you in and kissing your forehead, successfully confusing the hell out of you as you watch him leave your room “we’ll talk over breakfast. Get a good rest” he says as he closes your door behind him.

The next morning you’re up a little earlier than usual, excited to have Kunikida accompany you before work. You dress in a dark green pencil skirt with a cream blouse tucked in and black heels. You layer a couple long gold necklaces, making sure to avoid the still red and bruising marks, and put on some matching earrings, you style your hair up in a neat bun, leaving out a few whispies to frame your face. You put on a little makeup to accentuate your features before leaving your bedroom and taking along your clothes to drop off at the cleaners. When you get downstairs Kunikida is already there, pouring you a cup of coffee.

Your stomach flips when you see him, your breath hitching as you watch him pour the coffee into your travel mugs. You feel your face flush as he looks up to you in the doorway “goodmorning Y/n” he says, setting the pot down and walking over to you. He reaches out and gently takes your chin in his hand, tilting your head back to examine your neck. “Let’s put more medicine on this, it will probably take away some of the pain.”

“Should I sit on the counter again?” your voice was low and teasing, your hand coming up to rest on his chest. His heart beat is so loud in his ears he hopes you can’t feel it under your palm on his chest.

Your breath hitches as you gaze up at him, his eyes flicking to your lips as you stand close together in the kitchen. “Yes that might be wise” he says and places his hands on your hips as he leads you around to the island behind him, your butt bumps into the counter and he swiftly lifts you back to the countertop. You chuckle, steadying yourself by holding his shoulders.

“I’m starting to think you like me up here” you tease, smiling at him, the height of the counter making you almost eye to eye.

His cheeks dust a light shade of pink as he pushes up his glasses, “i’m just trying to take care of you since it was my ribbon that did this to you”

He gently grabs your chin again, looking into your eyes for a moment, the tension in the air thick as you smiled sweetly, his tongue wets his bottom lip and your eyes flick down to them, when you look back up at him his eyes are dark and you can tell he wants to kiss you, a soft chuckle escapes your lips and it seems to shake him out of it. He turns your head gently and grabs the neosporin.

“Thank you Kunikida. I’m sure i will heal quicker because of your care.” you whisper as he begins on the other side. “I surely hope so.” he states. Your hands are on your lap as you play with your fingers, waiting patiently for him to finish.

“Are you ready to see what I do in the morning?” you ask when he finishes his work, your eyes finding his again. He nods “yes, I am truly excited to go with you.” You place your hands on his shoulders and slip off the counter, pressing yourself against him you stand on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek “thank you. For the care and the coffee” You use your thumb to softly wipe the lip gloss from his cheek before slipping past him, grabbing your coffee and slipping your bag across your shoulder and grabbing last night's clothes.

You take a sip of your coffee and then smile at him “Ready?” you ask and he nods, your bright smile making his heart race as he picks up his coffee and bag and follows you out of the kitchen.

You walk the opposite direction from the office and he quirks his eyebrow at you but says nothing as he follows, his stomach in nervous excited knots. He takes a sip of his coffee, hoping the hot bean liquid would help him relax.

After you drop off your clothes you take him to the bread shop a few blocks away, getting a bagel for breakfast where he opted for a croissant. You showed him your favorite building, a small home that was ancient and still standing surrounded by the tall glass buildings and businesses. You stopped for a moment to talk to the lovely old lady who lived there, she was always tending her flower garden when you passed in the morning and you became good friends with her.

“Who is this? Your sweetheart?” she asks and you chuckle “This is Kunikida, we work together” you say with a small smile and she looks at you knowingly “Oh honey if i had a coworker who looked at me the way he looked at you,” she doesn't finish the sentence, she just sends you a pointed look causing your cheeks to flush as you chuckle, Kunikida just watches you with a smile, loving how cute you look when you blush.

The next stop was the park, since it is the spring the flowers are in bloom and it all looks pretty, you sit down at your usual bench that overlooks the majority of the area, the sun in the sky warming your shoulders as the shadows of the trees dance across your features, Kunikida sits by you, drinking in your presence as he watches you truly enjoy every moment you are in.

“You said we would talk today. Is now a good time or maybe later during lunch? That is if we don’t get last minute missions” you finish your coffee and place your cup in your bag. He sighs, looking out across the park and he pushes up his glasses “You have perplexed me.” he says you laugh, a little confused. You turn to him and watch him, waiting for him to continue.

“I am my ideal. Ideals that mean everything. I have my protocol and I stick to it no matter what. Everything is planned, work is structured. It is how I thrive. I have these ideals and requirements. But then you joined the group and slowly you have captured my heart.” he turns his head to look into your eyes now, they are full of raw emotion that leaves you speechless.

“Kuni-” he takes your hand and it silences you “My list” he says and reaches up to wrap your whispies around his finger “all it has on it now is you”

Your heart stops and your breath catches as he confesses his feelings, this man who is all ideals and protocol, who you have been in love with since you started working with, who you never thought you would have a chance with, is holding your hand and telling you that his only requirement for a partner, is that it is you.

“What about your list of 58? This is very unlike you Kunikida” you whisper, your heart going positively wild at his confession, you never thought he would be the one to change part of his ideal. It was completely out of character. “You are hundreds, thousands of things that make my life sweeter. Who needs 58 when you give me all” your breath catches and he leans down, pressing his forehead into yours.

“Please tell me you feel this too” you chuckle, your hand coming to rest on his cheek “I feel this too. Kunikida I-” he captures your lips with his, a kiss that has been built up with tension over the past few days, you sigh and reach up, your hand ghosting over his cheek and neck before landing on his pony, wrapping the strands around your fingers. His free hand is cupping your cheek gently, his fingers brushing against your skin as his tongue brushes against your bottom lip, you sigh as you touch your tongue to his, the feeling of electricity coursing through your veins.

Your phone beeps and you groan, pulling back from him as you look down at it, reading the message that has come through, his hand was still playing with your hair.“What is it?” you sigh and look up at him, forgetting about how close your faces were until your noses brushed “Dazai says to come in as soon as possible so we should go now-” he pecks your lips softly and stands, pulling you up with him

“Always more work to do” he says and you smile, he was right as per usual. He holds out his hand and you take it with a smile, lacing your fingers together as you continue your walk. “Are we going to tell the others?” You ask, really unsure yourself about what was best “yes. There will be paperwork to do but I’ve had it on my desk for a while now” you chuckle “you have?!” He nods “ Dazai gave them to me. He knew how I felt before I did” you laugh “Dazai always knows. He caught me looking at you once and I had to promise him if you didn’t feel the same that I had to help him with his suicide mission, just so he wouldn’t tell you my feelings first” you both make mental notes to talk to Dazai. You stop outside the doors and pull him down into another soft kiss, when you pull back you smile up at him and he chuckles “be safe today” he says as he looks over your neck again and you nod “yes sir” you say and chuckle at the emotion that flashes in his eyes you lean forward “i wish we had to time to explore that. Too bad we have to work” you kiss his neck and then pull back, opening the door and walking into the building chuckling. Daizai watching with a knowing smirk from the window above.

#bungou stray dogs kunikida #kunikida doppo #kunikida fluff #kunikida imagines #kunikida x reader #kunikida x you #kunikida x y/n #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo x reader #kunikida doppo x you

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didimentionthatimawriter · 3 years

Text

Heads up, this is a long post, but it's important. Please read it. Some people may have been able to guess this based on the last couple of posts I've shared, but I figured I should make an official post about it here.

In January I got officially diagnosed with Moderate ADHD, Predominately Inattentive (for anyone who doesn't know, this is what used to be known as ADD, but it recently was grouped with ADHD because of the similar symptoms). What this means is I have a hard time focusing and paying attention, have problems with forgetfulness, but I'm not as hyperactive as other people with ADHD might be.

This isn't something that I've caught or developed, this is something that I've had all my life and it went unnoticed. I still remember getting in trouble when I was in elementary school because I was really slow at doing assignments and could never finish anything on time because I spent the whole time daydreaming instead. To this day I have a really hard time paying attention in lectures without daydreaming, doing something else like doodling or writing notes for a story, or getting very restless and fidgety.

How did I not get diagnosed until now? It's actually very common for women with ADHD, especially the inattentive kind, not to get diagnosed until they are adults. Girls with ADHD in particular go under the radar because of this stigma that ADHD makes a kid (usually a boy) super hyperactive and you can't get them to sit down and be quiet unless you give them a pill. Kids with inattentive ADHD are mostly just brushed off as ditsy daydreamers who need to get their heads out of the clouds, but it's not that easy. Sometimes, sitting down to listen to a lecture or get a task done is physically difficult.

I didn't get diagnosed until recently because I had been able to cope with my symptoms for the most part. I made decent grades, I had strategies to force myself to pay attention, I had study groups to go to where I had to make myself do work. The biggest problems I faced were that tasks took me so much longer than everyone else to do and I still daydreamed a lot, but even that was used to my advantage since I pursued writing fiction.

Everything that happened with Covid-19 and quarantine took away all the structure and routine I was used to, and my symptoms got worse. Then I moved out, got an apartment in a whole new city with whole new people, a job, entered a Master's program, all without an established routine to get my feet on the ground. Suddenly doing a reading for class or writing a 200 word discussion post was impossible, or would take me three times longer than everyone else did. It could take me three hours to read and annotate a 20 page article. I had major imposter syndrome, my anxiety got worse, I started having very bad depressive episodes, and I couldn't cope with anything anymore. This led to a decline in my physical health, too. I remember it got so bad I once went a week without showering because I either didn't have the energy to or I just forgot to.

I only ever considered ADHD after one of my friends who had been diagnosed with it recognized some of the symptoms in me and suggested I get tested. I did, despite people (including myself) trying to convince me there was no way I had it, and it came back positive. I also got diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

I'm not sharing this for people to pity me or worry about me. I'm fine. I'm getting help and learning how to cope with this, (and I've made a lot of improvements), and I'm hoping that when the pandemic is officially over and I can get a routine back in place it will be easier to manage. I'm sharing all of this to stress how important this is and I want to help raise awareness for it. People who weren't diagnosed and given treatment as kids often develop anxiety and depression because they have such a hard time keeping up with the pressures of everyday life. Statistically, the links between mood disorders and ADHD make adults with ADHD 14% more likely to attempt suicide than people without it, and it's especially bad for women. (Source here: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2020-12-29/adhd-raises-adult-suicide-risk-especially-for-women )

The best thing we can do to make those numbers go down is to recognize it and treat people for it before they develop those other disorders, and the first step is to get rid of the stigma that goes along with it. ADHD isn't always a kid unable to stay in their seat or blurting out in a discussion, (in fact, some of those kids may not even have it and are just disregarded and given pills to make them manageable, but that's a whole other issue).

ADHD is having 500 different thoughts running through your head at once that you can't drown out. It's spending days obsessing over whatever your hyper fixation is on and forgetting about your immediate responsibilities and relationships. It's having a decent vocabulary but forgetting most of it or mis-speaking when you're trying to write or talk to someone. It's experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety about tests or projects with time limits. It's forgetting people's birthdays or not talking to an old friend for a long time even though you miss them because they aren't there with you and your mind is on other things. It's procrastinating working on big projects because there are so many things to do now that something due not now doesn't feel as important, (then promptly getting extremely stressed out when that big project is due soon and you haven't even started on it). It's getting so overwhelmed with the things you need to do that you disassociate and can't get out of bed. It's becoming paralyzed with indecision. It's spending more time preparing for a task than actually doing the task. It's wanting to do your best but not having the capabilities to do it.

ADHD is hard to deal with, but it does not make someone any less of a person. I'm not ashamed of it, but I want people to understand it and learn how to work with people with it. People with ADHD aren't lazy or uncaring, they just don't think the same way as normal people.

#adhd #adult adhd #adhd problems #adhd struggles #undiagnosed adhd #adhd awareness

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siennahrobek · 3 years

Text

Future Past

5 BBY

(Luke is approximately 14 years old)

Lothal was a bit of a strange place to stop, on account of being so bustling with the Empire’s presence. However, for some reason, Ben had insisted on a short stop there and lured him in with that mischievous smirk he would get sometimes and a mention of a surprise. And Luke supposed, he could use the distraction. Of anything, really.

It had been hard; so soon after Ben had forced Boil to leave them. Boil had been Luke’s friend, in a way that he had never had before. He and Ben didn’t stay on a planet long enough for Luke to actually make friends, but Boil had stayed with them for months and it was turning into routine. It became normal. Even squishing him into their little ship wasn’t too bad; Luke was just too happy about just having someone else around. Of course, Qui-Gon stopped by once in a while, but he couldn’t hold his form for very long and generally, he only came when he had something to teach. Luke had been so happy for those couple of months, having someone around to talk to and help and teach and be taught by. He loved Ben, of course, he did, with so much, but there was a difference.

And suddenly that was taken away.

And Luke had been very upset.

After Boil had been sent away, Luke didn’t talk to Ben for nearly a week and even after that, it was only necessary exchanges between them. Which led to their trip to Lothal where they barely made it past the strict incoming traffic regulations and landed in the middle of nowhere.

Meditation, Luke presumed with a frown and the roll of his eyes.

Ben took nothing with him, just gestured for Luke to follow him out into the grasslands. And, as of course, he did, and they walked in silence through the tiny civilization which he knew would be leading out into the actual, literal, middle of nowhere. At least, until Ben had spotted something that had interested in him. After telling Luke to stay where he was and the younger man returning that request with a long, irritated whine and near rebuttal, Ben had left him in the market, hidden away in an alley until he got back.

It wasn’t just hard because of Boil leaving, although that was the core of it. It wasn’t just because Luke had lost pretty much the only friend, he had made that he knew Ben would trust. But Luke had been a bit bitter towards his guardian. Things were a bit more strained than usual, and Luke was holding onto his feelings. The ones that were so upset and angry that he felt like sometimes he could just explode.

Because he finally, finally, had a friend that Ben would approve of. Sure, he was older like Ben, but it was a start, it was something. It was even a person that Ben cared about and trusted. But then he just sent him away and Luke was struggling on forgiving Ben for that.

Lost in thought and his bitterness, Luke was a bit too late to notice the being creeping up on him but realized just enough for avoid the stun coming his way. He didn’t get a good look at his opponent who tried to flip him…only for Luke to bring the being with him and flipped him as well.

It hurt. And no doubt it hurt the other guy too.

The ensuing fight was rather brutal, and Luke had a feeling if he hadn’t been shown so many hand-to-hand moves by Boil, he would have lost. Well, if the fight had gone on any longer than the few moments that it had, he probably would have lost. At least, if Luke hadn’t used the Force. But that would blow their cover.

It was sharp and ruthless with fast strikes that were almost always some kind of hit, whether or not it was the area that it was intended. And for absolute certain, Luke knew he would hurt and be so sore tomorrow. Well, if he liveduntil tomorrow. And by the way things were going with this fight, he wasn’t entirely so sure he would.

“Luke!”

“Echo!”

The two of them had stopped so abruptly that they both stumbled, nearing falling over one another as they tripped over themselves to stand up and move away, one from the other. Luke felt like he was coughing up the dust the two fighters had kicked into the air, but it was difficult to get enough air in his lungs. He was tired. Ben and another trooper, longer hair and a bandana were standing in their sight line, looking quite unimpressed and frowning, expectantly.

“Ben!”

“General Kenobi?”

Luke’s head whipped around to the side, where his opponent was, eyes wide and shocked. The man had ripped off his dark helmet to stare and Luke tried to prevent his double take. Because…. well, because he looked like Boil. Well, not exactly. He didn’t really have much in the way of hair and his skin was a bit ashen, but they looked so similar. Meaning this was a clone. Luke glanced back at Ben and the other man. Another clone.

“Echo,” Ben greeted, quiet and soft with a slight bow. His presence softened at the sight of this former soldier that he knew but he was still guarded, shielded. Luke struggled to understand this sometimes, but Ben had believed the clones had betrayed the jedi and killed all of his family and people for well over a decade. That caution wasn’t just going to go away. But he was trying, and he did his best. “It is good to see you alive and well.”

“Is it?” the clone – Echo – sputtered, obviously a bit surprised at the statement. “Because I have a hard time being glad to see…people like us, knowing what happened.” Luke knew what he was alluding to; how could he not. Everyone knew what had happened, even though there were different stories surrounding it, depending on who one heard it from.

“I know about the chips,” Ben swallowed as his eyes softened further in grief, something misty and far away, like he wasn’t quite in the present. It was for everyone involved, rather tragic. The jedi dead and the troopers brainwashed; the galaxy gone and under the tyranny of the new Galactic Empire. “We found out a few months ago. I am so sorry.”

“I feel like I should be saying that to you,” Echo muttered, shaking his head while the other clone just looked between the both of them. He wondered who he was exactly and how he knew them. “I shouldn’t be surprised you are alive. The 212thalways had rumors about you.”

“Rumors?” Ben mused, an eyebrow raising curiously.

“Yeah. Some of them thought you were unkillable.”

Ben scoffed with several different and varying emotions running through it, some Luke couldn’t quite identify with any amount of certainty. “That is rather ridiculous but, I suppose, their faith in me is… it would have been nice, if things hadn’t worked out the way they did,” Ben said. “I hear you are chasing a bounty. On Luke and myself.”

Echo blinked and shot a glance at Luke before turning back to Ben. “Uh… yes sir. Although, in our defense, we didn’t know it was you.”

“No worries,” Ben shrugged and tucked his hands into the large sleeves of the overcoat of his robe. “And I think you can drop the sir. I am no longer your superior officer, much less a general.”

Echo just smirked faintly. “Of course, sir.”

“Hunter and I just wanted to make sure you and Luke didn’t kill each other,” Ben responded, his tone filling with a form of amusement. “Would you mind keeping him company or entertained while we speak?”

The trooper just nodded. As the two of them walked off to have their talk with the assurance that the clone and boy did not, in fact, kill one another or would for that matter, Echo turned back towards Luke and tried to smile, offering his good hand for Luke to shake. He did, of course. It was only polite. “Sorry about, ya know, hitting you in the face, kid.”

“You can call me Luke,” the younger boy replied but he forced himself to look at him. It was a bit difficult with the similar facial structure of his friend. They looked virtually nothing alike aside from that. Boil had more hair and a bit of a scowl, and his presence was oh so vastly different. Neither were bad or better, but it just kind of made Luke miss Boil. “I’m sorry for nearly busting your vambrace,” he added, gesturing towards the slightly sparking tech inside. Echo just winced but then shrugged and pulled up his other arm which…had a machine attached to it.

“I’ve got it,” he added as he started to poke at it. “Those moves looked familiar. Considering General Kenobi knew about the chips, I guess it is safe to say that you two came in contact with some troopers.”

Luke nodded.

“Anyone I might know?”

“I don’t know in particular if you knew them,” Luke replied as the two of them walked through the little marketplace, slow and steady. Echo continued to work a bit on his partially broken vambrace, and Luke kept his gaze on the varying items that were out for sale in the market. “Commander Cody and Sergeant Boil we found on Vader’s ship.”

The clone paused and stared at him, just kicking up as he stopped in his tracks. Luke paused enough to glance at him, a bit startled. “That…is a lot to unpack. I’m going to skip over the whole Lord Vader thing for now. Cody is alive?”

Luke hesitated and looked away. “No. He’s not.”

Echo sagged in disappointment, but they continued to walk. “Oh…so you…you learned some stuff from the other guy, Boil.”

“He was a part of the 212th, Ben’s immediate battalion,” Luke explained. He didn’t know if Echo knew in particular but he just thought it would be best to clarify. “He was with us for several months before Ben sent him away. He taught me some things and told me a ton of stories. About Ben and the 212th, about Cody, about him and his brother Waxer and all the others.”

“You like stories?”

Luke tried not to look sheepish when he nodded in affirmation.

Echo just grinned. “I have plenty of stories. And trust me, they are some of the most insane and fantastical stories you will hear. My brother, Fives, and I were amidst all sorts of action alongside our general. They called him the Hero with No Fear and he was…something else. His name was Anakin Skywalker.”

Luke barely got to hear a fraction of what Echo had to offer and it just made him even more upset when Ben told him they had to go their separate ways. He wanted more. He needed more. Echo was fun and his stories great and they were about his father! Oh, he wanted to know more!

But Ben was stern, and Hunter was anxious to get back to the rest of their party. Luke somehow convinced them to give the two jedi a ride to their destination, which Ben very reluctantly finally caved to. Luke had a few more minutes and he would use it to the best of his ability. Their destination, as Ben pointed out, was a fairly natural looking structure for Lothal’s environment and the two clones had left near immediately after dropping them off. Luke’s heart just felt heavy.

Ben explained that it was a Jedi Temple and that they would both have to use the force to make the entrance known. It took them a fair amount of time, possibly due to their conflicting feelings on the past events and Luke’s bitterness. But, eventually, it happened and the Temple unraveled to reveal its door way, coming up from the ground.

Ben didn’t say a word.

They walked in. It was musty and disgusting but there was a brief and faint scent of freshness, possibly from someone opening the Temple recently. At least before the last two hundred years. Luke voiced this out loud.

“I would believe so,” Ben hummed as he looked around, running a hand along one of the pillars with a kind of sad reverence. “This is a Jedi Temple and I do believe we will find some guidance here.”

“Guidance for what?”

“Whoever knows,” Ben replied, letting the torches light up in small flickers of flames that lit their way. There were a few skeletons around the floor near the columns. Neither of them tried to look at them, rather avoided them and kept walking deeper. “The Force may use the Temple for varying lessons for any one of us and it is a good place to be to learn something. I dare say you could use some guidance that is not from me.”

Luke just glanced away and swallowed.

It hadn’t been easy between the two of them, that was for sure.

“Are we…splitting up?”

“Your journey is your own,” Ben replied, calm and kind, although there was something underneath that Luke couldn’t identify. “Just as mine will be mine. Why don’t you start that way? It smells less musty.”

Luke glanced to where he gestured. “Okay,” he replied and looked back to Ben, but he had already disappeared. Even for someone at his age with as much grey hairs as he had, he was surprisingly quick and sneaky. “Okay,” he repeated to himself with a sharp exhale. He turned towards the doorway and took one of the torches before heading in.

He didn’t know how long he walked or how he lost his torch. For a while, he was in the dark. Everything was so silent it was eerie and rather disturbing, making Luke exceptionally uncomfortable.

And then. And then things changed.

And that change was so sudden and so real and the reason he was here seemed to mush in his mind. He didn’t exactly remember where he was or what exactly he was supposed to be doing. But he stopped when he felt it. Luke stepped into a gorgeous garden, grass tickling at his legs, soft and lush with the crashing of waterfalls bubbling over his ears. It was a sound he would never get bored of; ever since the first time he had seen one. There were walkways winding around the land, with patches of flowers and a few trees, full bearing of fruit and leaves, dotting the grounds. It was so beautiful.

He wanted to know off his boots and just…relish in the feeling.

It was warm here. Not the kind of heat that was oppressive and ongoing and just made one want to lie down in their room and not move, ever. But the kind that would come and go just enough for comfort, something of joy and kindness. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, taking in those good feelings and the brisk freshness of the air.

There was a joyful shout, and he opened his eyes. Ther were children running over a hill chasing one another and reaching out with huge grins on their faces and sparkling eyes full of laughter and playfulness. Luke blinked.

And then again.

There were…people here?

He paused and stared in wonderment. Maybe…maybe they were jedi. They were in a Temple. Right? That was where he was. Right, right, he and Ben had went into a Jedi Temple. Made sense, perhaps, that there would be remnants of jedi here…right?

Maybe there were survivors.

Survivors, Luke thought numbly. It sounded too good to be true. He had to find Ben. He had to tell him what he had discovered.

“Luke!” a voice called, cheerfully. He spun around and stared at the being, blankly as a he strode up; a Kel Dor if he wasn’t mistaken, walked to him, hands tucked into his sleeves, similar to the way Ben did when he was wearing a large cloak. “Initiate Luke,” he corrected with a chuckle and although his face was incapable of smiling with the mask that he wore, Luke was pretty sure he was grinning on the inside.

“Initiate?” Luke echoed, questioningly.

“Yes,” the being chuckled again and gestured to him up and down. “The step before becoming a padawan, of course.” Luke looked down at the light-colored tunics he was in. These…were not his clothes.

“I can be a padawan?” he murmured.

“Of course!” the Kel Dor teased but he sounded warm and kind, although a bit surprised on Luke’s questioning about his place here. “You have done very well in your classes. You are well on your way to becoming a great jedi.”

“There are no more jedi…besides Ben,” Luke replied numbly as his mind sparked. Of course, Ben. That was what he was supposed to do. He needed to find Ben, tell him about this, about these…jedi he had discovered. At least, Luke thought they were jedi.

“Nonsense, Initiate,” the Kel Dor said, with a light shake of his head, amusement filling his voice. He waved around the garden, gesturing to other beings that had now entered and were mingling around. There were so many, of different ages and appearances and species. Most were speaking to one another, in groups of two to several. “There are many,” he assured as he made Luke look. “And you must only choose.”

“Choose?” he sounded too much like an echo.

“A master.”

Sure enough, some of those around were speaking with children that were dressed like Luke. Some were hugging, being led away by the respective masters with their hand or appendage in the other’s. They were choosing and being chosen, Luke realized. Initiates being chosen as padawans. Initiates choosing their masters.

“I can choose?”

“Well,” the being pointed out as he put a hand on Luke’s shoulder. He nearly startled; only Ben and Boil had generally touched him. The Kel Dor didn’t seem to notice. “It is a mutual thing. However, I was hoping to ask you.”

“Ask me?”

“To be my padawan,” the master suggested and turned to face him straight on. “You are kind, driven and compassionate. You would do well under my tutelage. What do you say, Initiate? Would you like to be my padawan?”

Luke stared for an embarrassingly long time because that just…it seemed impossible. He had always wanted to be a jedi; especially a padawan, for as long as he knew what a padawan was. Ben never technically denied him outright or said no. Rather, he would just tell him how dangerous that term was, and they had better not speak of it again. Luke didn’t always listen. “I…I’m sorry, sir – master – but I don’t think so. I need to find my guardian.”

“Unfortunate,” the master hummed, shaking his head and he sounded genuinely disappointed. Luke hated doing that to him but something about this just didn’t seem right. Something else at play. “Good luck, I suppose then. I hope you find what you are looking for.”

“I’m looking for Ben,” Luke replied, glancing around. When he turned back, the Kel Dor was gone. It was like he had disappeared right out of the thin air. After what Luke had seen Ben do, he couldn’t be terrible surprised if the jedi had been capable of that, but he thought it was rather unlikely. “This is rather strange.”

“Quite not,” someone else said. Another master was behind him again and Luke turned around towards him. He was older, with long greying hair.

“Master…?” he questioned.

He frowned. “Master Drallig. Better work on that memory, initiate. A master will not want to train a child who cannot even remember their name.”

“Yes master,” he replied.

“You are up next.”

“Up?”

“The Exhibition match,” Master Drallig frowned deeper. “Come on, initiate! Get your head in the game! Prospective masters are watching.”

“Of course. Of course,” Luke nodded and jogged off to where the master gestured. Even though he had no idea where this was, what was happening or what exactly he was supposed to be doing, his body seemed to know, and he just moved with it. He spent hours in the exhibition, sparring and fighting against other students, moving on to next rounds as he won bouts.

It was like he had been training and readying himself for this for his entire life. And it was an amazing feeling.

Luke didn’t know if he won the exhibition match or, rather, if anyone had or could. He just remembered doing several fights and moving on until he found himself back in the depths of the garden again, away from the tournament itself and amidst other masters. He was having an increasingly difficult time reminding himself that this wasn’t real and his goal here.

All he knew was that this was his chance to become a padawan.

He just had to find someone that felt right.

So, Luke went through the garden, every so often someone asking him to be their padawan but none of them felt quite right. Or perhaps they felt too right to be true. It hardly mattered; something niggled in the back of his mind, reminding him he had a goal and a purpose. He just kept forgetting what that was exactly. He was getting desperate. Nothing felt quite right. But he was running out of time and options. It was getting harder to say no. By the time Qui-Gon Jinn came around with his request, there were barely any masters left. He was so kind and gentle and a familiar face. Luke wanted to wrap himself in the cloak like he did with…

Ben!

Luke stuttered and took off, leaving Master Jinn without an answer. Rude, perhaps, but Luke was running out of time. He had to find Ben. Because Ben. The light that appeared before him was blinding and devastating but Luke knew. He knew. It was his father.

“Hey kiddo.”

Luke swallowed. This…this was something he had always wanted. To meet his father. It seemed like an impossible dream. Because it was. Impossible.

His father began to speak and oh! Was Luke so starstruck! It was his father! The famous jedi! The hero with no fear! Ben’s friend, his brother…

Luke stopped.

Ben.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked out. “I can’t talk. I have to find Ben.”

His father stared at him with a serious frown, his face perfect and smooth, with the locks of his hair framing his face that made Luke too easily calm. He looked right; perfect. Like Luke had always imagined his father to be. There was something missing about his face, but Luke couldn’t quite put his finger on what. He supposed, at this point, it hardly mattered. “Isn’t this what you always wanted? Your greatest dream? To meet me? To talk to me?”

“I have to find Ben before it’s too late,” Luke tried to reason, and he found it difficult to tear his eyes away from his father to look around for his guardian.

“So, he’s more important than me? I am your father!”

“And I want to be a jedi. Like you. Like Ben.”

“I can teach you, I can teach you much better than that insecure relic of an age long gone,” his father insisted, determined and strong. Luke’s brows just scrunched together with a deepening frown because that didn’t quite sound right. His father loved Ben, they were friends, brothers. He couldn’t imagine him saying something rather rude and disrespectful like this about him. “I am your father.”

“I know,” Luke replied with a hard swallow. So much was running through his head. It was so hard to keep track. “But this…I need to do this. I want to be a jedi and that means sacrifice. Letting go.”

His father reeled back and scowled, his eyes blazing with heat and color and lines scratching into the sides of his face, barely noticeable but it was almost all Luke could see. “You would trade this – everything you ever wanted – me, the jedi, this world, for him?”

“This isn’t real,” Luke responded, sadly as he forced himself to stare at his father, into his eyes. Direct and resolute. “And Ben…even if he wasn’t destined to be my jedi master, I would choose him every time,” he backed away, one foot after another. It had started out slow, but he knew he didn’t have a lot of time. “I will still dream of truly meeting you,” he said and then began to run. It was all he could do to keep himself from staying, from staying and losing everything else but the feeling of dreams. All he could feel was the heat burning into his back as he ran off. And he just kept running. His feet began to ache, and he tripped over them in embarrassing frequency.

“Ben!”

Nothing.

“BEN!”

Still nothing. There was no one in sight of the garden anymore.

“Ben! Please!” he begged, finally tripping to a halt. He nearly fell, exhausted and out of breath as he tried to catch up. He didn’t have much more time; it was running out. “Please. Please. I just…I just want to be a jedi.” His chest started to heave, and tears threatened to overtake his vision. “Please.”

There was a brief silence.

“Well, if a jedi is all you wanted to be, there were plenty of masters willing to teach you. I have no doubt you had plenty of offers.”

Luke scrambled to turn because that voice; oh he knew that voice. “Ben!” he cried, happily, tears coming out in relief as he caught sight of his guardian. He looked a bit younger, less weary. The bags under his eyes were less noticeable and the only real wrinkles around his face were that in the corners of his eyes from smiling.

“Hello, Beacon.”

“I want to be a jedi,” he promised as he got closer to him. “I hope you never question my commitment.”

Ben hummed. “You have made your desire to become a jedi rather clear. You had plenty of chance. Master Koon, Master Jinn, even your father.”

“You saw that?”

He smiled but shrugged. “You said no to all of them. Why?”

“Because of you.”

“I’m holding you back?” he asked, incredulously. He looked torn and almost offended, almost horrified at the prospect. It was laughable to Luke but apparently Ben had taken that very seriously. Luke wondered what that meant; why he would react in such a way.

Luke choked out a laugh and shook his head, rather vehemently. “No Ben. Never. I didn’t want anyone else. And I know it’s important. You are always my choice. You were always my choice.”

Present Past

Luke

Iyah, one of the slaves that Siri and Luke had freed from the little temporary quarters that the troopers had been held in had a hiding place for them until the group figured out what to do next. Siri still had her disguise of a slave trader and with all the traffic and bustle of the up-and-coming auction, it was easy to move and blend in with the crowds when Luke and Siri’s smoke bombs erupted upon Luke’s presence being found missing. Iyah’s former master had died as of recently and she was in the auction house because her master’s family was going to sell her. It would be some time before the rest of the family went through all of his things and house, so they had a fairly secure hiding place until then. Luke didn’t think that they would be at the house that long.

The smoke from their little distraction is noticeable, even to those out in the streets and far from the palace but they were practically harmless. Just enough to mask their presence and allow them to escape. Wrapping the troopers in cloaks, they moved through the curious crowds that watched as the smoke puffed from the palace windows and doors.

The house that Iyah brings them to is out of the way and not something that someone would come to immediately, as it is just a bit off the streets. The other slaves mostly huddled on their own, leaving the jedi and troopers to their own devices but Iyah just eyes Luke up, warily and announces her intention to make food for everyone as she comes back to bring them a first aid kit; probably one that she knew her master had on hand. Most beings had something of the sort.

“You don’t have to do that, ma’am,” Captain Rex tried to assure her quickly, in some attempt to convince her that she had nothing to fear from them; that she had no obligation to feed any of them.

Luke met her eyes for a moment, and she frowned at the trooper, but she doesn’t say anything. She just turned and nearly stormed back to the kitchen.

Fives was itching to speak, to ask for answers. Luke didn’t have to be force sensitive to know how eager and pressed he was for such things. He didn’t want to explain everything at the moment; he hurt, and he was tired, but he knew it was inevitable. Eventually, Fives could not quite continue to keep it all in. It hadn’t been long. Most of them were still trying to just catch their breath.

“I think it is about time you tell us what is going on,” Fives started, his jaw clenching. If nothing else, Luke had to admire his persistence and pursuit for answers and justice.

Luke sighed and tried to sit up further. They were all on the floor, mostly collapsed over themselves in their exhaustion but Waxer helped him and let him lean against his solid shoulder. “I can tell him about some things, if you want,” he suggested, gently.

The boy knew the trooper was being genuine. Boil had told Luke so much about Waxer in the months that he had with him, and he didn’t seem to downplay how kind and good Waxer was. Luke hoped he could keep him alive, if only for Boil’s sake but he couldn’t help but value him above and beyond. He hadn’t been around for long but trusting Waxer felt near like second nature.

“I knew you were keeping secrets,” Fives frowned at the Lieutenant, his eyes narrowing with suspicion. Waxer, took it in stride, barely shrugging and projecting a show of simple acceptance. Fives kept going with a stream of questions and a demand for answers. “What do you know? What is going on? Does this have anything to do with what happened with Krell? Or why we were put under him and not ourGeneral. Or how about the fact that General Kenobi came back to the Resolute on a stretcher?”

“One at a time, Fives,” Rex interrupted, flatly with a tired sigh. It perhaps, wasn’t exactly the right thing to say at the moment.

“And you, you have been keeping secrets too,” Fives shot at him, his frowning deepening. He was so frustrated and scared; Luke could feel it. He couldn’t entirely blame the trooper; the situation was intense and strange. Sometimes with one’s most intense emotions, in the moment, they could not be shielded. It was easier for a jedi because they trained for that sort of thing, but most other beings didn’t even know the existence of shields; not really. “You know it as well but decided, hey, let’s not tell your troops. Maybe some of them would still be alive if you had.”

Rex’s jaw clenched and Luke lurched forward, ready to defend. It wasn’t his fault and Luke hardly thought it mattered knowing what he knew would have changed anything. Luke hadn’t known specifically Krell was a traitor or any specifics on the Umbara campaign but that didn’t make the losses they encountered hurt any less.

“Enough,” Master Tachi nearly barked. She was still standing for a moment and towered over the rest of them, coming back from getting some pillows and blankets from the others. They weren’t great, probably not even that comfortable, but it would do. “This is getting none of us anywhere. I am certain they all have good explanations for what information they have and the lack of flow of it.” At the very least, she seemed to believe it.

Luke shook his head, mostly to himself, and tried to organize his thoughts and what exactly he would say. He didn’t want to tell the 501st, only because of how close they were with his father and due to Palpatine being around his father all the time… secrecy was crucial. “Look, okay,” he started, trying to catch up with himself. It was not particularly easy. He didn’t even know if they would believe him. Others had taken it fairly well; the 212th’s faith in Ben and Cody’s reasoning was helpful, as well as Master Vos’s abilities. But most of these guys were from the 501st; Luke didn’t know if they had that type of faith or belief. “This is…the galaxy depends on total, complete and absolute secrecy. Absolute. You cannot tell anyone,” he stressed as best he could.

“Why not?” Jesse asked, genuinely curious.

“We have to be very careful on the flow of this because there are people we cannot trust and I don’t know all of them,” Luke started to explain, his voice nearly rocky as he spoke. He didn’t particularly want to because well, it was complicated and in all honesty, he had no idea what exactly all he would be revealing to these people. “I don’t know all the people I cannot trust in this time,” he tried to clarify with a bit of a wince. “Some of the 212th knows a bit of what I explained, but for the most part, only Master Vos, Commander Cody and maybe Ben…er Master Kenobi knows most of it.”

Rex tensed up a little, his eyes turning a bit sharper as he stared at Luke at the mention of his closest brother. Luke tried to ignore the shielded feelings Rex was hiding. They weren’t exactly the most positive ones and Luke’s heightened ability with the force let him see, even through some of the thickest of shields. It wasn’t something he particularly liked but sometimes it seemed too apparent for him to ignore. And in Rex’s case, he found out that one of his closest brother was keeping secrets from him. “Cody knows all of what you know?”

“I explained some things to him,” Luke confessed, not quite meeting Rex’s eyes. He barely got to know Cody at all in the future; as they were only with one another for an hour or two, but he had heard plenty from both Ben and Boil. “Please don’t get mad at him. It’s my family. I’m sorry. I asked him not to tell you.”

“Why?” Rex replied steadily, keeping his voice completely void of too many feelings that Luke could feel. “You seemed like you trusted me.”

“I do,” Luke insisted quickly and then, embarrassingly enough, his mouth ran off with him. “You aren’t the breach.”

“The breach?” Rex’s brows creased as he stared at the boy. “Who is?”

“If you act strange, Skywalker will know…” Luke drifted off, uneasily as his hands shuffled in his lap his gaze turning down. Speaking of his father was strange, especially when he was very strict on not letting anyone know what Anakin was too him. He still had to wrap his own head around all of this; he didn’t need everyone else’s opinions and thoughts on the matter yet.

“No way. NotGeneral Skywalker,” Fives insisted, nearly moving to stand up to make his point. Both Jesse and Tup pulled him down to keep him sitting but Fives was absolute. “He is loyal to the Republic; whatever happened… it is not his fault.”

Luke ignored him, fiddling with his hands. It wasn’t completely complicated he thought, at least, the line of who should and should not know the future, but it was complicated for Luke. Being in the era with his father, when he is so young and not completely evil and trying to kill him and such, it was strange. It would only be stranger when Ben came to get him, and he had to explain why he wasn’t geekingout over the fact he was getting to meet the man. “Look, a lot happened and a lot more that I don’t know. And then the Chancellor will get wind of things,” he replied, slowly, unsure how this would end up going. It was certainly an intense accusation and not one he was completely sure how others would react to. “He is not someone we can trust.”

There was a brief moment of absolute silence.

And then…

“You can’t be serious?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“This is absolutely ridiculous!”

“He’s the leaderof the Republic.”

“Why don’t you want him to know?”

“How do you know about this?”

“What happened?”

“What did he do?”

“The Chancellor…how bad is it?” Siri asked, her voice rising above the others; something stern but calm and solid. Luke wasn’t entirely sure if it was actually louder or just something he could hear better over the others. She looked over at him, believing and serious. It was hard to wrap his head around. She just…believed him. She didn’t even know who he was. He didn’t know how she had that kind of faith in him or why she did, but he was incredibly grateful.

“The worst you can imagine,” he choked out.

Siri paused and took a seat near him with a few moments of silence to mull this over. Everyone let her have the moment, trying not to stare as she took what time she was given to think about things and come to her own conclusion. “The Sith master,” she guessed, her jaw clenching as she said it and glanced up at him. He nodded. “How do you know this?”

He hesitated and glanced at Waxer, who nodded encouragingly, and then Rex who just stared, ready and knowing. Luke turned back to Siri, eyes glazing over the others while he could vaguely feel Waxer’s presence near him. “Well…” he started, shifting, still uneasy. He sighed and then took another breath, readying himself for actually saying it again and the fallout of what he was about to reveal. “I guess the simplest way to say it is that I am from the future.”

“Now I know you’re kidding,” Fives shook his head as an only partially amused smile stretched on his face, but he turned serious and partially irritated as he continued with a scoff. “That is your big secret? Some sort of sick prank? What was this? Some terrible plan convoluted to try and get Dooku’s attention or something? I have no idea what your plan or goal was but guess what? It didn’t work.”

“He’s not lying,” Waxer insisted, leaning towards Luke and forward towards Fives at the same time, protective and relentless. He calmed himself but continued, just as strong and solid and ready. “Originally,” he glanced over at the boy. “Luke was born a little over a year from now, right when the war ends.”

“We have a year left?” Checkerboard whined.

“Who wins?”

“The Sith win,” Luke pushed out because it was the truth. Everyone else had been losers in this war because even though the jedi and troopers did everything they could to protect people, it was still a trap. Mostly for the jedi of course, but for this, in this, it turned out just as horrible for the troopers as well. “No one really wins but him. Trust me. The galaxy after the war is so much worse.”

“The Jedi….” Waxer sighed and Luke took his hand, squeezing it, gentle and assuring. Luke hadn’t been around at the time; he hadn’t been a jedi. But Waxer, even though he was technically around, he had taken it even worse than some of the others. Even the prospect of this happening, to them, to anyone, was horrifying. But it was something that it appeared he needed to get through. “The Jedi are killed, virtually all of them. And we do it. There are…some kind of chips in our brains that make us practically droids and we kill all of them.”

The silence was palpable.

No one could even completely imagine the implications of what he was saying.

“It’s gotta come out,” Rex said suddenly, shuddering out of his stupor. Fives reached out for him, but Rex jerked out of the way, and he stood up, as if that would make some kind of difference. “I work closely with Commander Tano! She’s fifteen!”

“We have to wait until we get back to the ship,” Waxer answered instead, looking up kindly and understanding. “We can’t do it now.”

“I need it out,” Rex muttered.

“Can’t you just use your jedi magic to get it out?” Checkerboard asked.

“I…” Luke shifted. “No. I can’t. I have the power but not the precision. Me and Ben, we had to do it together when we didn’t have medical equipment. I did it by accident with Boil.”

“How did you do it with him?”

“I uh…kind of slammed him into a wall,” Luke replied with a sheepish look.

“If you and General Kenobi were able to do that, can’t you and General Tachi do the same thing?”

Luke winced. “No. Not that she isn’t capable, but we don’t know each other, not like that. It’s hard to explain.”

“General Kenobi will be here quickly,” Waxer assured. “And when he does, we can get out of here and you can get the chip out.” Afterwards, Luke got himself around to talking a bit more on what was going on, although not giving quite enough as he did in the first time around with those in the 212th that Commander Cody had brought with him. The troopers popped in with questions that Luke tried to answer the best he could, but Master Tachi stayed quiet, waiting and listening quietly.

“He lived through it,” Siri says, near inaudibly, shaking her head. The troopers were talking amongst one another, although he wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about; he just stared at the master. This was kind of amazing, he thought, getting to meet so many people that he had never thought he would be able to. His father, Master Vos, Master freaking Siri Tachi. “The genocide and devastation of the jedi; our people. Of course he did. As if he hadn’t gone through enough.”

Their gazes met and he tried to shoot her a small smile.

The door opened and Iyah brought them a few trays of food. Luke recognized the meal; he had seen it once in a while when Aunt Beru helped out fleeing or freed slaves back on Tatooine when he was a child. He accepted it gratefully with a quiet thank you in another tongue and they ate for a moment in quiet and peace, although the knowledge about the chips were still hanging over their heads. Every time someone tried to say something, they were shut down within moments.

By the time they were done with the meal, Master Tachi politely excused herself and Luke as well, to his surprise and pulled him out of the room. It was a flimsy excuse that Luke thought sounded rather ridiculous, but the troopers seemed to buy. Maybe this was a jedi thing. He hoped he would get to learn. She took the first aid kit with her and sat him down at a table away from the others.

“Come on, take off the armor,” she said.

Luke blinked but did what he was told.

“Dooku gave you some nice robes,” she murmured but barely waited a second for an answer. “Take them off please. I know you have a wound underneath there. You want to tell me how you got it?”

Luke continued to do as he was told and tried to wrangle himself out of the dark robes, after he carefully set aside the armor pieces in a pile nearby. “A lightsaber. He wanted to watch me fight Krell again.”

Her eyebrows creased. “Krell? As in Pong Krell?”

“He’s a traitor,” Luke muttered.

“Why were you with him?”

“We fought on Umbara. I…we almost won,” Luke replied, as she started to clean and disinfect the area around the wound. It hurt to move, most of the time, and he hated looking at it. Vaguely, he wondered if it would scar. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He explained how Krell had set up the troops during the campaign and how Luke had just barely stopped it in time, although not early enough it seemed.

“You were alone?” she noted with a frown.

“Ask. I know you want to,” Luke just smiled, faintly.

“You know who I was,” she continued, barely sparing him a glance.

“Yes. Ben…uhm… Obi-Wan talked about you,” he nearly ducked with the embarrassment. No one knew him as Ben around here, no one but him. He would have to get used to calling him by his given name. Or, if he was really lucky, perhaps Master Kenobi. Or something of the sort. Long had Luke wanted to be a padawan – Ben’s padawan – but things were doing so fast and so far, he tried not to cling to that type of hope.

“You can call him Ben,” Siri shrugged, lightly as she smiled gently at him. “I understand who you refer to.”

The conversation wasn’t exactly light at all times, but it bounced around a lot. Neither of them had a particular direction they were going through, although, of course, it would mostly be about Obi-wan. He was really the only thing they both had in common. What Luke knew about her wasn’t a whole ton as a person, as Ben tended to tell him the best and most amazing things about the people he loved, but Luke was not against getting to know her now, while he still could. He had no idea how long he would be able to stay in the past; if this was his present now or if he would have to return to his own. “He carried around your warming crystal every day,” Luke said instead, trying to catch Siri’s eyes. He did and she looked down at her necklace, a thin rope that wrapped around a near pulsing and slightly luminescent crystal.

She looked back up at him and stopped for a moment to stare.

Luke didn’t know what it meant but he knew what to say. “He loves you.”

Ben was full of love. It was something that Luke had known for a long time. How different it must be, as Ben in this time and place had so many people to love that were still alive. The entirety of the Jedi Order, the troops he had befriended, his other friends across the galaxy, those he had loved in a slightly different way… it was no longer the kind nostalgia and memory type of love that Luke knew.

These people were alive now; at the very least, some of them. This would change so much. And he couldn’t wait to feel that type of love in Ben for this time. He was kind, of course, even when they were on the run. Luke could feel it when they met people, especially those Luke knew. Any troopers they came across, Cody and Boil and Bail Organa. And Master Vos; oh, Luke had remembered how happy Obi-Wan had felt; the love he had projected. Luke rarely questioned Ben’s love: he tried to show it in many ways that may have not always been the most apparent.

“I’ve known that for a very long time,” Siri replied, her voice quiet and kind. She hesitated and smiled to herself, as if remembering something amusing but important. “He loves so many, so much. It often brings him so much pain.”

No matter what Obi-Wan lost, he still kept being himself, in the light, was still giving out his kindness. “He told me about you,” Luke confessed, his chest warming. He never really got to talk about this, as Ben was almost always the only person he could talk to. It just wasn’t the same.

“What did he say?” She couldn’t help her curiosity, looking up at him with an amused but cautious glance, her lips curling up just enough.

He matched her expression. “I can’t imagine you being unable to guess.”

She grinned, her smile widening into something more mischievous. “Indulge me.”

“He knew you well, the longest I suppose. At least, it seemed like it, out of the people he loved in that way,” he explained, his smile softening as he thought back to the things he had learned from Ben over the years and what he could pull out of the older jedi. There was times Ben was easier to get answers from and other times Luke had to beg for something; anything. He didn’t like to guilt trip, but it was easy sometimes, there was very little else to do when they were in hyperspace, stuck in the tiny little space that was their ship for so many years. “You knew him, well, perhaps better than most, I think. He seemed to think so. He’s sad a lot of things. How talented you were with a lightsaber, strong willed and independent; determined and so focused. He said you were beautiful and had short blonde hair and liked jumpsuits. And you know, the obvious, that you were amazing.”

Siri choked down a laugh.

Luke didn’t give her enough time to answer and continued, glancing down at his hands and stripped his gloves from them. “I asked him about those he had fell in love with after I asked about my mother,” he explained quietly. “I don’t think it was easy for him to talk about that, considering his past, but I was young. I didn’t understand and I…I wanted to know.”

“Who is your mother?”

He shifted around, suddenly uneasy. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Master Tachi because of course he did. Even if he didn’t trust her just from what Ben had told him and such, she had helped him, had gotten him out of Dooku’s clutches and helped him rescue the troopers. But this was a whole different level and honestly, Luke had never had to deal with this before. His parents, they were alive, and he had to deal with that, eventually. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s someone Obi-Wan knew,” she mused, unfazed by his inability to give a straight answer. “Rather well, if he had such answers for you. If he could describe her and tell you about her in a way that would make you ask.”

“Master Tachi,” Luke warned, swallowing heavily.

“Senator Padme Amidala.”

Oh wow, she was good.

“How did you know?”

“I am rather observant,” she shrugged. “Comes with the job, I suppose. One has to be in my line of work. I’ve met her a couple of times. Obi-Wan has talked about her too, as he often is around her and working with her. At least, more than some others. Between those things and when you saw collars on the clones…” she drifted off, pointedly. He swallowed nervously, glancing down.

“Your initial anger was Skywalker. Something almost personal and hot; I could feel it through the Force; it burned through my shields, even though we do not have a bond. It was easy to know, and I know it well, as I have trained around Skywalker plenty of times before. The cold fury, however, was Obi-Wan. You didn’t scream and hit something; you weren’t exactly calm, but you weren’t crazy either; just furious. It is something I have seen him do to hide his anger when he was older and it is very cold. But how you handled it? With the righteous fury and reckless abandon, with making a snap choice with little plan? To free the slaves, you could and get them out of there? I’ve seen that kind of thing before when I have been in Senate meetings or hearing about them even. I’ve seen it before. That is all Padme Amidala.”

Luke looked up to stare at her in some kind of awe because he had barely told her anything about his parents. He had barely told anyone anything about his parents. Cody knew simply from knowing Obi-Wan and remembering a holo he had shown. Master Vos knew it from Luke’s own memories. But Siri, she simply deduced. Ben wasn’t kidding when he said she was amazing. It made the boy wonder about the others Ben had known as amazing and how great they were in their respective talents. “I…you are as good as Ben says,” he confessed.

“That’s nothing,” she shrugged, and Luke had to believe it. Or, at the very least, Siri herself believed it wasn’t that impressive. Luke couldn’t quite tell if it was confidence or ego or simple honesty; he didn’t know her or anyone else for that matter, like that. “Obi-Wan and I…our padawans were around the same age,” she explained, and brought back up bacta patches to put on his wound to help it heal up quicker and cleaner. “We did missions together. Trained together. I’ve known Skywalker as a teenager. You have his sandy blonde hair and unstoppable drive.”

He really hoped that was a good thing. He had only ever really had Ben’s perspective and thoughts on his father which were a bit skewed. It wasn’t that they were wrong, but Luke knew for certain that he didn’t tell him whole truths, not nearly as much about the faults. It had taken Luke quite some time to understand exactly why. The fact of the matter was Ben had wanted Luke to love his father, to know him as his best self rather than the faults and monster that he eventually became. It had been hard to swallow for some time and Luke still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it; it was something he continuously had to work through and was. “Wow…you really figured that out quick.”

“With your whole-time travel thing,” she leaned back a bit to get a better look at his wound and brought out the bandages to keep the bacta on, as well as clean alongside the wound itself. “And Obi-Wan knowing your parents so well to tell you about them….I was just open to any possibility. That is hardly the craziest option.”

“I’m not my father.”

She glanced at him, certainly a form of understanding in her gaze. He wondered what that meant. How she could understand such a thing, from which he was feeling. It was something he had to tell himself since he had learned what his father had become. Before that, he wanted nothing more to be like his father. Ben had told Luke some of the most fantastical things about Anakin Skywalker and how much Luke would have been loved by him. How much he was loved. Ben didn’t generally make comparisons between them like that; it was rather a seldom occurrence. But after learning Anakin Skywalker was Darth Vader, the beast that was constantly chasing and trying to kill them; it had taken Luke a length of time to come to terms with several different things that were connected to that. Whether or not Anakin Skywalker was evil or not, Luke wasn’t him. He shouldn’t be him. Luke should be Luke.

He was still trying to figure out who that was.

“Of course not,” Master Tachi assured readily. “You are Luke.”

“No, I mean…” he sighed. She was right, of course, but that wasn’t quite the point he was trying to make. But, as the moment passed, she seemed to understand still.

“I understand,” Siri nodded. “You are not Anakin Skywalker and similarities or comparisons between the two of you doesn’t mean you do or say the same things. Blood is not everything.”

He nodded and glanced away as she got up to start wrapping around his shoulder and torso, weaving between his appendage to get the best available lock for the bandages with the best range of motion. For some reason, the conversation skipped over again. He didn’t really want to talk about his father; he knew that would certainly be coming in the future. “I hope he came back with me.”

“A coma was mentioned,” she hummed but he could feel and hear the under currents of concern shifting through her voice.

“Yeah. He was in some kind of unexplainable coma when I…. left,” he said carefully. If she noticed his hesitation, she did not seem to be inclined to mention it or point it out. “I’m pretty sure he is awake now. I just don’t know if he came back with me.”

“He won’t abandon you.”

Oh, she sounded so sure.

“Perhaps,” he choked out instead.

“I will not either,” she nudged him, his good shoulder, from the back. He caught a glimpse of a ready and determined smile. “Would you like a partner?”

He chuckled, his chest softening as the conversation turned a little gentler. He quite enjoyed and appreciated the change of pace. “I think Waxer might get offended,” he pointed out. It was a joke, because of course it was. He didn’t know how Waxer felt, not exactly. But he did seem rather inclined to stay by Luke’s side and that was also something he could appreciate. He had plenty of experience with other clones, but it had always been so short, save for Boil’s time with them in the future…past? Luke’s past. But Boil hadn’t been allowed to stay. Luke had been rather upset with Ben for quite some time after that.

She laughed, completely unbothered and unoffended by the notion. “We can make a squad. How does that sound?” she asked, tightening the bandages a little. It was uncomfortable but he knew the pressure would be better in the end.

He grinned, trying to turn his head towards her. “Save Galaxy and Destroy Sith Squad.”

If anyone could help him destroy the Sith, he couldn’t be surprised if she ended up being one of them. Of course, there were others he would like on that squad too.

“SGaDSS,” she snickered as she finished up and came back to his front to tie it off. It was some kind of silent and mutual agreement and they high fived. Both of their hands were sweaty, from the heat and warmth of the planet but his heart was soaring that it hardly mattered. She was a jedi and he got to meet her. He got to meet another of Ben’s friends, loved ones. “You talk kind of like him,” she said after they stopped laughing and sat down, settling against the wall. She had brought over some pillows and blankets from closet in the corner so they could lean against them instead of just the hard floor and wall.

“Who? Anakin?”

“No,” she chuckled, waving her hand. “Obi-Wan. He could be so sarcastic, so quippy. He could verbally keep up with anyone. The way he jokes with and about his troopers. The way he follows those he cares about into the fires of Hell,” she glanced away and shook her head, once again almost lost in thoughts and memories. “Just… part of the reason he is a good person to be around, to be friends with.”

He and Ben had talked a lot about love and compassion and kindness. The different types and the roles they could play in life. But love was still love, in any form. No one was higher or more important than another. It was a lesson that Luke had found solace in. “He always told me that loving someone was enough. Time and distance don’t exist when it comes to love.”

“Apparently he is very wise in the future,” Siri hummed and suddenly he was leaning against her. He was tired, because of course he was, but this was easier, just leaning on her and almost ready to fall asleep or something. He had been tired a lot lately. He wondered if it was because of the time travel. At least he hadn’t been in a coma, like Ben.

“He doesn’t…” Luke drifted off, trying to find the words but his mind was starting to get heavy. “Always make sense but he tries.”

“That’s Obi-Wan for ya,” Siri chuckled and scooted a little closer to him, possibly to make things more comfortable for either of them, or both.

“This will be the longest I have been around a jedi that wasn’t Ben,” Luke muttered.

“It hasn’t even been a day.”

Well, considering he had only met one jedi before and that was for a very short time, it wasn’t exactly hard to compete. “I have met one other jedi and it was barely for an hour,” Luke replied with a huff. “I was in a galaxy so dark, so few jedi. But here, in this time, here I have been around Skywalker, Ahsoka, Master Tiin, Master Vos… I…”

“Quinlan was there?” Siri asked, suddenly interrupting and a bit surprised.

“He came to help Ben, I’m pretty sure,” Luke replied, his heart catching pace and moving a little quicker than normal. He liked Master Vos; he was very interesting and was the only other real jedi he had met in his own past. And Ben seemed to really care about and love him too. But if he was a danger to Ben… Why? Is that…bad?”

“No, not at all,” she shook her head, blonde hair swaying a bit. “They just haven’t hung around each other for a while.”

“They’re friends.”

“Yes. Very much so,” she paused and studied him, glancing down at her shoulder where he was resting near her. “You should take a nap.”

“What? Why?” he snorted but even he knew it was obvious. He was tired.

“You heal when you sleep,” she replied bluntly and then paused before continuing, like she needed to have some sort of explanation and clarification. “We have a medic friend.”

“Bant,” he hummed. Another person Ben knew and loved and talked about. He wondered if she was still alive; he didn’t remember when she died. If she was still around; he would like to meet her. They could probably exchange notes on their caring regiments for Ben.

“Yes.”

“She’s right,” a new yet soft and familiar voice creeps into Luke’s ability to hear. Both of them glance up in the door way where Waxer was standing, partially void of armor with his arms crossed against his chest, frowning disappointedly. He shook his head and was very clear about expressing how he felt. “And I’m not happy you didn’t say something about being hurt.” He barely gave them a moment before he walked over and asked for permission to sit next to them. Luke practically took his arm and dragged the trooper down to their level. He was so warm, and kind and his presence just curled around his. Even though there were only half a dozen troopers, it was an overwhelming sense of good feelings and warmth that Luke wasn’t used to.

Luke didn’t talk much, his brain becoming heavy and tired as the moments passed on until he was barely conscious. At some point, another trooper came in, but Luke’s eyes had already been closed as his mind started to move towards sleep mode. There was talking and footsteps. Luke tried to reach out into the force, towards that warm something that had entered, and he heard a door shut. A few chuckles.

By that time, he is sound asleep and knows nothing.

Fives

The second part of the explosion was what woke them as it was very audible and even shook the ground what they were laid upon. It shook them awake for certain, even before one of the former slaves – the woman that made them a meal before – ran in started spouting hurried exclamations in a language that Fives didn’t actually understand.

The younger jedi, Luke, was practically draped across any trooper he could get close to, as well as the other, older jedi, practically clinging to them. He was embarrassed when he awoke, tucked near Lieutenant Waxer but no one said a word. Only silently untangled themselves from the boy and got up as the woman continued to babble.

They were on their feet within moments, although Jesse’s legs were tangled in the scratchy blankets, and he fell over himself. Tup couldn’t help but chuckle as he and Checkerboard, from the 212th, helped untangle him and get him up.

“What’s happened?” Captain Rex asked.

The woman continued to speak but the Captain just glanced around helplessly. He, like the rest of them, didn’t know the language that she was speaking and apparently, she didn’t have a translator either; hand held or implant.

General – Master – Something Tachi stared at the woman intently and nodded. “She said that something has exploded; she is fairly certain that it was the palace.”

“Did you explode the structure?” Checkerboard choked out.

Master Tachi just scoffed. “No. The devices that Luke and I planted were of the smoke variety and they have long gone off. There is not a way that ours could have brought even part of that building down,” she insisted.

“Do you think it was the Republic?” Jesse asked, catching his breath after his battle with the blankets and pillows.

The jedi frowned but thought about this for a moment. “I doubt it. It isn’t generally the jedi way to just explode entire government buildings, even if they are the headquarters to a slaver queen,” she paused and said a few things to the woman. After an exchange, the woman left, although Fives wasn’t entirely sure what was said. “Get ready and get dressed. We have to figure out what is going on and how to get out of here. Or, at the very least, contact someone.”

Everyone nodded, readily. She had nothing to get ready about herself and said a few things to Luke, quiet and under her breath. He started to grab his robes and armor pieces and started to put them together as she strode out of the room.

Lieutenant Waxer glanced at the boy, curious with a silent question. “She’s going to try to see if she can get contact,” Luke replied as he worked with surprising efficiency. He did stumble over some pieces of the armor, not quite used to such things, but the 212th Checkerboard, quickly moved to help him.

After a few minutes, they were all ready to move and they excited the room towards the door in the front of the building. Master – General – ugh something (Fives had no idea what to call her) Tachi was messing with some radio, working intently. He didn’t dare to ask if she was having any progress with it.

Luke stopped at the door, keeping it closed, and reached out, with his eyes shut and taking a deep breath. After a long moment, something sparked, and the boy started to bounce on his feet. “He’s here!” he cheered, chattering excitedly as he continued to repeat the phrase.

“What are you talking about?”

The boy’s eyes were shining so bright, Fives almost felt like he was blinding but he bounced around the room, nearly flying outside of the door before holding himself back and spinning around towards them again. “He is here! I can feel him! Ben! Ben is here!”

“General…Kenobi…” Lieutenant Waxer tried slowly.

Luke nodded, vigorously. “Master Tachi! Siri! Ben…Obi-Wan is here!” he called out. The jedi glanced at him with a blink.

“I’ve got some lines,” General Tachi said, instead although she smiled faintly at him. “There are reports of slavers getting injured and stealing slaves. Someone with a light saber.”

Luke paused and frowned. “But I have his saber.”

“I’m sure he borrowed someone else’s,” General Tachi assured as she stepped closer to him. “You did say Quinlan was with him and well, Quinlan works just fine with a blaster too. So, I’m sure you are right, and it is Kenobi.”

He nodded. “We have to go.”

“Luke…”

“No! We have to get back to him!” Luke insisted as he started to move again. “We have to get to him as soon as possible. There is so much to do, and danger and I have to help him!”

“Iyah said it is chaos out there, we need to be careful,” General Tachi tried to reason carefully.

“I can’t wait,” Luke shook his head and before any of them knew it, he was out the door.

General Tachi cursed in a language Fives didn’t know but both the 212th boys had raced after Luke without a moment’s notice. The general groaned. “I have to get my equipment and pack it up. Can you…”

“We’ve got it sir,” Captain Rex nodded, curtly and glanced at the others left. “Let’s move boys. Cover the padawan commander’s back. Jesse, stay here with the general…”

“Not a general!” the jedi called back.

“Give her any help and protection that she needs,” the captain finished. Fives clasped his hand with his brother before Jesse tailed after General Tachi and the other ran off after the runaway jedi padawan youngling person.

It was chaos in the streets. So many were fighting. There were pieces of debris that had fallen even as far as they had gotten and some, slower, still falling yet. Ash and dust billowed everywhere, obscuring the skies. Luke and the 212thboys were already a bit far ahead, but they were rather easily noticeable to the eye in the off white and battered armor of the troops.

“He’s just as bad as Skywalker,” the captain muttered under his breath and ran full speed through the crowds in attempt to catch up.

Fives just grinned at Tup and pulled on his helmet before following.

Oh but those were the best kind.

Fives didn’t know when it happened but eventually droids started showing up. Getting through towards the palace is more difficult than expected and eventually, they even get a chance to catch their breath when they run into alley ways and abandoned houses and structures. Everyone seems to be fighting everyone, from droids fighting slavers to slavers fighting slaves to slaves fighting droids and slavers. It is a whole mess, and it is easy to get off track.

Which they do.

They end up out of the way of the palace which made Luke very frustrated. They could all feel it. Perhaps it was a jedi thing, Fives thought. He trusted Skywalker with a lot; he was a good man. There were times, however, Fives felt as though he could feel his emotions in any given situation. Well, he shouldn’t say that. In any high stakes or near-death situations. Or anything that involved Senator Amidala.

Luke’s frustrations are practically palpable, and it nearly makes Fives feel that way too. He is fairly certain it must be a jedi thing because no way is he normally feeling like this, even with the situation that they are embroiled in. He’s panicked and scared and desperate.

It is a lot more chaotic than even Umbara and often times, the group keeps losing one another for moments or even near hour at a time. There is no battlefield, no ground to take. There are no real sides. It is just unbridled and intense chaos.

Rumors begin to swirl around about lightsabers and the jedi. Some slaves from the palace running with panic, screaming about several men in light sabers fighting one another and the death of the queen. Fives didn’t think Luke could get anymore worried and desperate.

He was very wrong.

Fives wouldn’t blame Luke for what was to come next.

Brothers died in battle no matter where they were. It was a fact of their lives, and he knew that the jedi did their best. They just couldn’t save everyone and even then, sometimes they could – and did – lose their own lives in the process. This was a battlefield of a different breed, Fives thought. He almost thought they would survive this.

He should have known better.

Fives didn’t really know Check but that didn’t mean his death didn’t hurt.

And he knew it had hit Luke pretty hard too.

The moment he saw the trooper go down; they both knew it was over. There was no way the soldier could have survived that shot. But even though Luke had fought in the battle on Umbara with Lieutenant Waxer’s platoon, a group of soldiers that included Check, his reaction was not something any soldier should have advised.

He stopped and stared, frozen in place. Shocked and unmoving, as if unable to comprehend anything going on around him in the world. Captain Rex shouted something, possibly for Luke to get a hold of himself, possibly for one of them to get him out of the line of fire. Fives, of course, couldn’t do anything about the former as of yet, but he could do the latter. Running across the field from his cover, Fives literally tackled Luke down to the ground and behind a stack of crates near a door. Without a word or anything, he practically dragged the boy into the house.

They were lucky, no one was home.

Leaning Luke upright against the wall in a sitting position, Fives closed the door to give them a few minutes and gave the rest of them a short brief on the comms. As of currently, Luke was in no shape to keep moving. He asked for the jedi, perhaps she could help him, but General Tachi was a bit off with Lieutenant Waxer and Jesse. It would be quite a few moments before she could get to them. She simply ordered for them to find cover and stay put. They needed the break, possibly a nap, and for Luke to come back to them before anyone could make another run for the palace. It always seemed so far off; it would still take quite some time.

“Luke,” Fives tried with a frown, pressing a hand against the boy’s shoulder on his pauldron. Tears were starting to come from the boy’s blue eyes, steadily and finally, the first emotion finally came up. It wasn’t much but it was something. “Look, I know this is tough. Losing someone you care about, no matter how long you have known them, it’s…it’s heart breaking. And in war, where people die it’s even worse because you don’t…you don’t have a moment to stop and grieve. You don’t have a moment for burial or saying goodbye. It’s something you try to prepare for but… you can’t.”

He was in front of him before sitting down himself next to the jedi-in-training, or whatever he was, and sighed, taking off his helmet and setting it aside.

“I’m not trying to scold you or anything, but this is war, and we are going to lose people,” Fives tried, unsteadily. “And we don’t… it often happens so fast. There is no time for goodbyes and even less time for grief, in the moment. I lost…I lost my brother really fast. He did something…. something that I would have been the one to do and it just…one moment he was right by me and the next he was gone. Explosion and we had to move, there wasn’t a second to spare.”

Luke’s face started to scrunch up and Fives counted that as a win, although his feelings were mostly tied up in the memories. The boy blinked and stared at him, like he wasn’t completely sure. “Echo?”

Fives stared right back at him, his head whipping around, eyes wide. Because…he hadn’t said his name. “How did you…”

An explosion went off and the glass of the window above them shattered, spraying the contents and other debris into the house and over them. Luke threw himself over Fives in an effort to protect him from the flying debris which Fives, absentmindedly thought was a little amusing and ironic.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Fives muttered without his permission. The door busted through and both of them startled, soon to be relieved as it was only Tup and Captain Rex that came through.

“You guys good?”

“Yessir,” Fives grumbled as he got out from underneath Luke. The boy responded but Fives’ ears were ringing and he couldn’t quite make out what he had said.

“General Tachi wants us to wait for her, get some rest and so we can regroup,” Tup relayed.

“I heard,” Fives sighed and glanced around. “The place looks pretty abandoned, at least for now.”

“Most people who aren’t fighting are hiding in their homes,” the captain responded, also taking a look around. He gestured to Tup, who went to make sure and secure the perimeter. “So, my guess is that they are still out there fighting or dead. General Tachi shouldn’t be too long, but she also said we don’t have to wait up for her. Take a nap she said.”

Fives scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I guess I’ll find some blankets and pillows and a good large room to hole up in.”

It wasn’t that hard. The place wasn’t very big and eventually he found a living room space where the hard furniture could be moved to the walls, reinforce them and barricade any windows and doors. Unless someone came in with a full tactical team, it should hold out for at least a few hours. By the time General Tachi got to the house, flanked by Lieutenant Waxer and Jesse, Luke was half asleep but tried his best went they came in.

The Lieutenant was holding Check’s helmet and Luke burst into tears again.

They left the two of them alone for a moment. Well, it was a bit longer than a moment. Fives explained a bit on what happened with Check and Luke’s reaction. Luke may have been used to running and fighting and even conflict, but he wasn’t not used to the realities of war. Not like this.

They came back in after quite some time. Luke was already lightly snoring and fast asleep against Waxer’s shoulder, who was half asleep himself. And so, they made a perimeter around one another for moments of rest over the next several hours.

It is barely an hour in and already Luke is tangled up and cuddling with several troopers, as if reaching out and trying to be in contact with as many of them as he could.

“If no one else is gonna say it,” Jesse started, keeping his voice rather quiet as to not awake the young’un. “I ain’t gonna lie, is it strange that he is all…touchy and cuddly? I didn’t think jedi were…really like that.”

Everyone looked over at General Tachi, who frowned and took a breath, her lips twitching. “He is…touch started but not quite either. It is difficult to explain because jedi are very different. But one of the reasons the jedi start so young, adopted young and raised together is so they can form bonds with others like them. It is often necessary for healthy development.”

“But Luke…he wasn’t raised like that,” Waxer realized, glancing down at the child before looking back up at General Tachi. He looked quite worried and concerned. After only a few days of knowing this child, he was already so attached. Fives wondered if that was normal for him. “So he doesn’t have those bonds.”

“Luke’s presence is latching onto other jedi and connected beings,” General Tachi continued. “He has several fledgling bonds which help his… starvation but considering Obi-Wan and him were constantly on the run, Luke probably didn’t get much time with them and so they either faded or remained very thin; barely there. He’s already formed some type of connections with you.”

“All of us?”

“Luke’s presence in the force is starving for connections,” she added, and Fives could tell there was a hint of concern in her voice, although she mostly kept emotions out of it. “It won’t interfere with you or anything and if left unattended, it shouldn’t grow.”

“It helps him?” Waxer asked.

General Tachi nodded, a bit gravely. This was a rather serious topic, Fives realized. “It is partially why he is even more cuddly than normal, even for a jedi.”

Waxer held Luke close, as if that would help. The boy just huffed into his shoulder. “And…if the bond…if it does grow stronger? Is that okay?” he added, looking back up at General Tachi, eyebrows scrunched together as his concern became more and more evident on his physical features.

General Tachi just nodded.

“Even from a clone?”

“Especially from a clone.”

“What does that mean?”

“Obi-Wan could explain it better,” she confessed with a small sigh. Luke’s arm sleepily touched hers and she moved a little closer to him. “I don’t have a clone attachment or much experience with you.”

“Can you try?”

“I’m not sure if anyone, you or anyone really understands how well the clones and the jedi connect with one another, fit together, how easy it is to share bonds with,” she started, making sure to look between all of them. “Your warmth and light in the Force…as Obi-Wan tells it, although different individuals, is clicks very well with our own. This is rather quite unusual for non-force sensitives. Obi-Wan told me once it’s like we were made for you, that we were meant to be together in some way.”

“They used to say on Kamino,” Rex said quietly. He hadn’t been speaking a whole lot as of late, listening quiet and with purpose and the mention of Kamino brought both nostalgia and bitterness to all of the troopers. Their brothers were still there but it was not generally a good place to be. “We were made for the jedi.”

General Tachi thought about this and hummed. Perhaps it was agreement or disagreement or neither, Fives wasn’t sure. She was hard to read and hard to understand, much more so than their own general. “Perhaps. But I don’t think it is one sided,” she swiped Luke’s bangs to the side, gently. He exhaled again. “Many of the jedi will continue to choose you. Obi-Wan continues to choose you. It is a new galaxy and things are changing. If you will have us, we will gladly stay with you.”

“I don’t know anyone except the jedi who have cared anything for us,” Lieutenant Waxer confessed. “And I can’t speak for everyone of course, but I think we would rather be with you than any other people in the galaxy, if we had to choose.”

“You should get some sleep,” General Tachi said instead, glancing over towards the window that Fives and Tup had already blocked.

“We should set up watches for the next few hours,” Rex replied, leaving the previous conversation with ease and picking up the new one just as easily.

“Do not worry. I have it covered.”

“You can’t do it by yourself.”

“Oh yes I can. Just….trust me on this one,” she winked.

Luke

When Luke wakes up, he is drowning in a clone cuddle pile and practically has to claw his way out, his face completely red and flush with embarrassment. He is sputtering by the end of it but tries with all of his skill and work not to wake them up while trying to get himself out of the pile.

Master Tachi glanced at him from the side of the pile, out of the sleeping troopers and smirked at him, amused. “Sleep well?” she snickered.

Luke just blushed and glanced away, moving towards her as quietly and gently as he could.

“It is nothing to be ashamed of, Luke. You are an empath and crave connections naturally,” she pointed out. It wasn’t something that Luke didn’t know, in particular, but it was different here and now. Things were still dark but still so much lighter than the time he was from. There were others to connect to so close and actually around. It was so much. “It just seems so extreme now because you have never had so much before and now, there is much to have.”

“It…it’s been just Ben and me for a long time,” Luke confessed as he sat down next to her, hugging his knees. He glanced over at his armor piled over in the corner and reached for the closest pieces. “Before that it was just Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru but I don’t think they quite…understood.”

“Many do not,” she hummed.

“I love Ben,” he added, quickly. It was the truth; Ben was the only person he had with him, everyone else was gone forever or deceased. “He…he is pretty much all I have. It is hard without him around. I…I just have never been around so much….”

“Light, warmth?” she suggested.

“Hyperspace is cold, and we are not planet side a lot,” he explained. He tried to talk about a bit on their situation, in the future, past, whatever. It was easy to talk to her. Maybe it was because she was a jedi. Perhaps it was because Ben knew her and told him about her. Maybe she just was easy to talk to for him. “Ben is very warm, but this is different.”

“Everyone feels different, especially jedi,” Master Tachi assured. “You have been starved of that. It is why we raise out children in creches, together.”

“Ben told me about creches,” Luke hugged his knees tighter as he clipped the shin guards to his lower legs. He didn’t look at her, rather thinking about so much all at once. “I think I would have liked it.”

She nodded and the outer wall shook a little. They both glanced towards the little window on that side of the room. The conversation was over, Luke thought to himself. It wasn’t long; he wished he could talk more with her, but it was clear. “The fighting is getting close again,” she pointed out with a frown. “We should move.”

Luke nodded. “Any ideas on where to go?”

“I have been working on establishing communications with Obi-Wan’s ship,” Master Tachi explained as she grabbed some of her own gear and began putting it on. Her radio was in the corner, and she glanced at it as some kind of gesture to guide his gaze towards the appliance. “They are being pretty tight lipped, and I don’t have his codes.”

“Probably don’t want Dooku to get any information,” Luke added. Whether or not this was the truth, it made sense anyways. He wondered where the Count was now and if he was making problems for Ben and the troopers. “Do you think they have troops on the ground?”

Master Tachi paused and frowned again. “Not sure. This place isn’t Republic friendly or even wants to be,” she replied as she stood up, finishing putting on her own gear, so different from what Luke and the other troopers were wearing. “The Jedi have taken out the Zygerrian slave empire before but…everything was different then.”

He didn’t know exactly what that meant, in particular but he followed her, putting on his smaller pieces and Master Tachi helping him clip on the gorget. “If they take out the enemy ship, I think they can drive the Separatists away,” Luke said. “I only saw one up there, I don’t think they were planning for an invasion.”

“I think you are right.”

“I have no doubt the palace is in chaos, but I don’t think there is any order for power players. No one seems organized. We might be able to get there. That is probably where Ben would look since he was following Dooku.”

“That level of chaos could mean lack of leadership,” Siri murmured as she messed around a bit with her portable radio. “The queen may be incapacitated or dead, meaning there would be a power vacuum.”

“That would also mean less guards, we could probably slip through. No one is giving orders,” he added.

“Or too many are for any type or organization.”

“Even if Ben is done looking through the palace, he would still be around that area,” Luke said.

“He is not going to just give up,” Master Tachi nodded. “Especially not with Quinlan with him.”

“So, we head towards the palace then.”

“The closer we are, the easier it will be to get communications with the Republic – or better yet – Obi-Wan’s fleet,” Master Tachi added with a grin growing on her face.

“The closer we are, the more likely I will be able to feel Ben better,” Luke added with a matching grin as he brightened up, significantly. He just needed to find Ben. Things would be okay if he could just get to him. “Don’t try to lie to me and say you don’t have a pretty strong bond with him too.”

“He is one of my closest friends,” she admitted.

“Look at you two,” a new voice piped in with a chuckle. Both Luke and Master Tachi glanced around. The troopers were all at least awake with vaguely amused expressions. A few were even moving towards their armor piles to get ready for moving out at a moment’s notice. “Makin plans without us,” Jesse added.

“Thought you could use the extra beauty sleep,” Luke grinned, cheekily.

“You little brat,” Jesse teased.

They talk a little while everyone gets ready and dressed. Master Tachi gave them a short rundown of what they were going to be doing; moving back towards the Palace. There was some apprehension, going back to that horrid place. Luke completely understood, even just thinking about made him rather upset, skin vibrating for the need for justice. If it was his choice, no one would have to go anywhere near it again. But he had to find Ben. They had to find Ben and they needed to get off of this planet.

The little group had left soon after, quiet and out of the back door, away from the chaos outside. The fighting and struggling had not ceased exactly, as there were still slavers, slaves and droids still fighting amongst one another. Luke kept Check’s helmet clipped to his belt and no one said a word about it.

They couldn’t exactly avoid the fighting and conflict and eventually, they had to move towards the more main roads to make their way towards the palace. They avoided them, of course, whenever they could. By the time they had to get to the main road, which was a straight shot to the palace, they were about knee deep in conflict.

It kind of amazed him how easy they worked together. Master Tachi had never really worked with these troopers before barely – if any – either. Luke himself had only fought alongside Waxer and only for a few moments, the other troopers as well. But the five boys they had with him and Master Tachi, they had quickly adapted to the way they moved and the way they worked. Moving with the troopers was easy, even though there weren’t many of them. They didn’t a fairly good job keeping up with him and Master Tachi and although neither of them were actually used to working with troopers, they seemed to blend well together when it came to helping each other out and having each other’s back.

Master Tachi had a blaster on her, and he knew she wouldn’t bring out her lightsaber unless it was absolutely necessary. Ben had been the same way during their travels. It often times brought unwanted attention.

Luke, on the other hand, didn’t have another weapon and he had a much larger and passionate need to fight and protect. He made arcs with Ben’s light saber like he was born for it. Perhaps, in some ways, he was.

The loss of Check was a heavy weight, but they kept moving.

The young boy from the future wouldn’t let anyone die on his account, not with this. There were six others with him – he could keep them alive. He had to keep them alive. He did not leave them and kept them within his sights the best he possibly could. It was hard to keep them together as they seemed to have the same idea about one another. Luke caught a blaster shot with the force that came too close to Jesse’s face for comfort. Tup shot a slaver that was coming up on Luke’s six.

Getting so close to the palace, they stayed tight knit until the courtyard was in place. They paused in an out-of-the-way alley to come up with a plan, right outside of the palace perimeter. “It is absolute and complete chaos out there but I can feel Ben,” Luke said hurriedly, his voice rising in excitement and plenty of eagerness. “I can sneak in and since I can sense him, I’ll be able to find him quicker. I’ll bring him back.”

“I don’t think that’s a good…”

“Look, I got this, okay?” Luke insisted and didn’t wait for an answer. He ran out of the hiding place and leapt on top of the building nearby, racing across the rooftops up and away from the fighting crowds down below. Eventually he had to get back to the ground as he got inside the palace courtyard where the battle started to thin out a little.

He reached out in the Force and tried to concentrate. He could feel Ben. He knew he could feel him.

And then…

“Luke!”

The yell was raw, screeching into the stormy chaos of the battle, as if his voice alone was desperate enough to demand the person of his desire to be returned.

“Luke!” it tried again, near at the top of his lungs.

“Ben?”

Luke couldn’t help but perk at the sound of his name. Oh, how he hoped that it was real, that it was his voice and not his wishful thinking or the screams of another being. The being that he so desperately wanted it to be.

“Luke?” the voice called out tentatively.

It was real! It was Ben’s voice!

The youngster jumped back into the fray of disorder and conflict without a second thought. “Ben!” Luke shouted back as he fought harder against the chaos, clawing his way through anyone and everyone. His saber was off now, clipped to his belt. Because now, he didn’t need it. He fought through the crowd with his hands and the undeniable power of the force, forcing his way through them with enough strength to make others even jump out of the way.

Then he saw him. Because even though it had been fifteen years and Ben’s appearance was so different; not that weathered and oh so greying older man that Luke knew; he could recognize him. It didn’t matter that his hair was a brownish ginger instead of the grey and white. It didn’t matter that his skin was younger and smoother instead of washed out and wrinkled. It didn’t matter that he was in armor pieces and under robes rather than the larger cloaks and well-used clothes. It didn’t even matter that his eyes were bluer now, had more color instead of the tired and older gaze Luke knew.

None of that mattered. Luke would know him anywhere, no matter how much of his physical appearance may have changed. He would never forget. He never could.

Tears were pricking at his eyes then, but they weren’t quite clouding his vision. He choked out the name before charging towards his guardian. Ben may not have known what Luke was going to do but he quickly figured it out. Luke ran and leapt at him with no small amount of abandon, with all the excitement and relief coursing through him and all of the desperation and fear washing away, out from his bones.

He was pretty sure that he was crying, and it did not matter. In that moment, nothing mattered but him. Because Luke was no longer alone. Whether or not everything was real, whatever Ben knew or did not know, it hardly mattered. Luke was no longer alone and all he wanted was to be wrapped up in Ben’s robe in the way he did when he was younger. He wanted to tell Ben of all the things that he had been through and all the things they could do now. Now that they had this chance. This chance to change everything and save so many.

“I know you can catch me, old man! You don’t have any grey hairs!”

And he does; Ben catches him and wraps his arms around Luke so tight, he doesn’t think the older man will ever let go. He doesn’t really want him to. Because in this moment, he doesn’t have to worry about anything. Ben is here. It doesn’t matter if he remembered Luke or not. It doesn’t matter what Ben knew or what he didn’t. He held Luke like he always held Luke, with strength and love and compassion. Like Luke had nothing in the world to worry about ever.

“You remember me.”

He didn’t know if he was right or not. Rather, it was a guess, but Ben just chuckled and curled his arms around Luke, secure and tight. “I could never forget,” he whispered, and Luke held on even snugger, wrapping his limbs around his guardian and locking his face in the crook of his neck, brown ginger hair tickling his face. “Foolish child, running off into war,” Ben mumbled with a fond huff.

“I had to try and save Waxer,” Luke said, exhaling the best he could. He felt out of breath and like he may never get it back. “I’m not sorry.” He wasn’t, he couldn’t quite be. He just wanted to help them in any way he could. He couldn’t save Checkerboard and that was going to haunt him, but he tried to make sure he remembered about all the other ones that he had helped. He had kept Waxer alive. He helped stop Krell’s massacre. He had tried and tried and tried.

“I’m not upset,” Ben assured quietly. Distantly, Luke could hear a small explosion go off. He was glad that he had found his guardian in a spot where there wasn’t blatant battle going on. “You just scared me near to death. I’m an old man, Beacon, my heart can’t take such things.”

“You’re over 15 years in the past you dummy,” Luke choked on near tears, but his chest was bubbling with laughter, something of relief and amusement. “You aren’t even old,” he paused and snuggled just a bit closer, so thankful and unable to let him go at the moment. He would, soon, of course. There was a lot of work to do but he would keep the minute. “I’m so glad you are okay.”

“I will never abandon you.”

Something in his chest loosened which helped him loosen his grip, even if only a little bit. That reminded him, Luke thought as he gave out an actual audible chuckle. “I have the very best present for you,” he murmured with a smile, amusement swelling.

“Oh? How fortuitous,” Ben rumbled, just as entertained as him. Luke didn’t know if anyone was watching or around, but it didn’t matter. Not to him. All there needed to be was Ben and him. Even if only for a minute. “As it so happens, I have a gift for you as well.”

“You got me a present?!” Luke cheered, surprised and excited as he perked up and leaned back to look at him. Luke could see the smirk that was forming underneath Ben’s mustache and beard, a twinkle so apparent in his eye. “What is it?” he asked.

“You will have to wait until we get back to the ship,” Ben chuckled as he let Luke down back to the ground.

“I bet my gift is better!” Luke boasted, his smile sly and knowing as he leaned back on his heels with the slyest grin he could muster. He didn’t think there was anything that could be better than bringing Ben back a loved one and he knew it.

“Oh?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in that way Luke had seen so many times before. “I don’t know…” he drifted off with the shake of his head. He sounded very sure of himself. “My gift is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.”

Luke’s eyes sparkled and he took Ben’s hand, firm and secure. He was just getting more and more excited. He couldn’t wait to see Ben’s face when he showed him the person that Luke had come across because oh! He had brought back someone Ben cared about; someone he hadn’t seen in over a decade and half. “Come on! I left her with the troopers.”

“Her?” Ben echoed, questioningly, but Luke wrapped his hand tighter and practically dragged him across the courtyard, through some of the sides of the conflict before he brought him back to the little structure that his team was hiding in. He got down the alley and called out to the troopers. Waxer was the first to turn, the others following close behind as they realized who was coming up to them and putting their weapons down.

Waxer tore of his helmet and all Luke could see and feel was near absolute relief. “General!”

“Master!” Luke called out as Ben finally stopped, unable to move forward.

Because he saw.

Ben was staring, Luke noticed. His glanced between the two of them, uncertain about what would happen next, but he couldn’t help but feel excitement nearly overcome him. The female master grinned at the sight of them and walked, firm and with purpose, her face scraped up and dirty from fighting and finding rest in the little, out of the way places they could. As she came up to him, Ben reached up, hesitant and rubbed some of the light layer of dirt from her cheek.

“May I?” he murmured under his breath.

Luke’s own caught.

“Of course.” Even though she was expecting it, Luke could tell she was surprised by Ben’s hug and how tightly he wound around her. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Kenobi?” she hummed as she relaxed a little into the embrace.

“You have no idea.”

“I do. At least a little. Luke told me.”

“Tachi!” a new voice cheered, and Luke glanced around. It was Master Vos, and he was jogging towards them with a couple others, a mix of troopers and jedi. Well, one jedi. He hadn’t even realized that there had been troopers and the jedi master around when he found Ben, much less of them following the two of them. “I knew it had to be you,” he snickered, turning to lean against the wall, as if he needed a brace to prevent himself from falling over with his laughter.

“Vos,” Master Tachi replied in a mock flat tone but even Luke could feel and see that she wasn’t nearly as unimpressed as she made herself out to sound. “At the very least, you kept Obi-Wan alive.”

“Hey! You weren’t there when I was trying to convince him this was time travel and not a Sith trick or torture,” Master Vos shot back, grinning wide. Neither of them was actually upset or mad or anything negative really at one another, but it was rather amusing to watch them all interact. It was funny; Luke had a bit of a hard time seeing them as such close friends with Ben.

“Well, you seemed to do that at the least,” Master Tachi huffed with a smile as the two of them leaned back and she crossed her arms over her chest for some kind of effect.

“Is everyone here?”

“We lost Checkerboard in the fight,” Waxer stepped up for a short report as Luke glanced away, his chest heating up in grief and shame. Ben put a hand on his shoulder, warm and soothing. “The other troops that were taken are accounted for.”

“Commander Cody went back up to the ship to help Sergeant Barlex fight off the Separatist ship and it appears they are doing well,” Master Vos explained, pointing upwards into the sky where they could just make out two ships, mildly obscured by the clouds and atmosphere. There may have been others, but they couldn’t be seen from the ground. Luke didn’t know.

“The Zygerrians are winning the fight with the droids too,” Rex mumbled as he looked between the jedi masters. “But they are an absolute mess. There is no organization; just fighting for fighting’s sake.”

“We have a lot of work to do,” Luke added in, firm and determined. He wasn’t wrong. Beyond this, with their chance, there was so much to do if they were going to save the troopers, the jedi and the galaxy. “We should convene with the Jedi Council, create a plan and get to work on saving the galaxy from the Empire and the Sith.”

Ben chuckled, lightly as he shot Luke a glance, a single eyebrow raised a bit curiously but Luke could feel his shields tightening a little more. “Oh, should we?”

“We do need the help,” Luke pointed out, red with embarrassment as he looked away as he realized what he said and how he said it. “R-Right.”

The jedi master just kept snickering. “Yes,” he glanced back at the others and got a look at the other jedi behind him. Luke hadn’t even noticed him come up and his breath caught in his chest. Ben perked and looked back at Luke, looking so genuinely kind and nice. Luke’s heart fell a bit. “Luke, I’ve heard you met your…”

“Anakin Skywalker,” Luke interrupted, rather loudly, in a rare show of disrespect. He tried not to let much of anything slip past as he tightened his shields as best, he could, staring at his father with his jaw set. He had to figure out how to play this. Honestly, he had to figure out how to deal with this, especially now, in the time and situation that they both were in. Ben didn’t know that Luke knew. Knew who Anakin Skywalker, his father, became. “Yeah. We’ve met.”

Ben turned confused and it was so wounded and genuine that it near physically hurt Luke to see him respond like that. “Luke…you…know who he is,” Ben said, his response slow and measured, deliberate. Cautious.

Luke hated it. “I do,” he nodded, staring just barely at Anakin.

“I am rather, confused, Luke, why…”

“Could we talk about this, later? Perhaps in private?” Luke fidgeted, glancing down at his gloved hands, his voice quieting into something that others, unless standing right by them, wouldn’t be able to hear. Luke never thought he would have this change, to have to be in this type of scenario. Luke never thought that he would meet his father as Anakin Skywalker, not after knowing what Vader had done and how many times, he had chased them, nearly killing the both of them. He had to figure out how to deal with and what to do with the change and knowledge that he had.

Ben’s brows were drawn but he nodded, solemn. “Of course. Later,” he responded, still careful and curious and worried. “But we will talk about it. This is most unlike you.”

Luke sighed, inwardly in relief. This was not the time or the place or in the right company. He couldn’t talk about this with his father actually in the vicinity. He didn’t know how he would react and there was so much more to do. “I know,” he flipped the hilt of Ben’s saber towards its owner. “This is yours. I’m sorry I borrowed it without asking.”

“Keep it for now,” Ben replied, pushing the hilt back towards him. “I’m glad you did. My crystal is willing to work with you, as always. Hopefully, in this time, you will be able to create your own.”

Luke perked subtly.

They all caught it.

“I think it is about time that we got off of this…. planet,” Ben said, carefully, trying to keep the disgust out of his voice.

“Agreed,” came a chorus of voices in near unison.

“Commander Cody can get a ship down here within a few minutes,” Master Vos announced, already messing with his commlink. “But we have to get to a nearby landing platform.”

“Shouldn’t be toohard,” Luke replied. “We’ve got four jedi, a handful of highly competent troopers and a guy who is not half bad with a lightsaber.”

“That…is how you are describing yourself?” Ben said, an eyebrow raising curiously. Luke shrugged as the troopers made a quick perimeter around them, ready to move out whenever given the order. “You know, with where and when we are, the Jedi Order is still around,” he pointed out.

“I want to help you keep it that way.”

“I know,” Ben nodded, solemnly. “I am fairly certain I can convince the Council to let you in the Order, if, of course, we happen to stay here. You’d have some catching up to do but you have been trained quite a bit and I think you have enough training to be picked up as a padawan.”

Luke felt his entire body freeze. “Picked up?” he choked out.

Ben kept his gaze completely void of any telltale emotions or thoughts; his shields as tight as they could be. “Of course. You are very talented, Luke. Kind, compassionate, determined and so eager to learn. If this is still what you want.”

He just stared back at him because…because he inferred that he wouldn’t be Ben’s padawan. That just…he wanted to be Ben’s padawan. Luke remembered the vision and trial he went through in the Lothal Temple. This was…it was always supposed to be them.

He would just have to prove himself. “I still want it,” he stated, firmly.

Ben nodded.

“We should get going,” Master Tachi popped in, speaking slowly, glancing between them with a varying range of emotions screaming across her face. They agreed and without another turn of phrase, they ran off.

Getting to the landing pad was easy. There was Luke, four incredibly talented jedi and a handful of insanely amazing troopers that could practically carve a path without hardly breaking a sweat. And it was right in time. The gunship landed just at the moment they came into view. They jumped in and off they went up towards the flagship which was beating down at the lone Separatist ship it was battling.

Commander Cody was waiting for them, along with a few others, most of which Luke recognized. There was Kix and Helix and…

“Boil!” Luke grinned with all the happiness and eagerness and relief he could project into the name. The trooper always looked surprised when Luke said his name like that and sure, this Boil didn’t have the same experiences with and without Luke that the older one did but he was still Boil. It didn’t matter.

He smiled though, warmer than most would expect with his shoulders sagging just a bit. “Hey kid. Sportin’ the armor pretty good.”

“I’m sorry I took it, but I had to sneak onto a gunship,” Luke shrugged before practically bowling the trooper over, Waxer hot on his heels. He was laughing and clasped Boil’s shoulder in greeting as the latter tried to get a handle on the squid-like hug that Luke gave. “I had to keep Waxer alive.”

When he got back to the ground and stood back, Boil’s brows were furrowed, and he frowned in realization. He glanced at Waxer, and they exchanged looks. Luke wasn’t entirely sure what they meant.

“All of you are going to need a check up and scan,” Helix butted in, Kix right at his side. They looked almost like twins. Well, really only for the fact that they had the same displeased expression on their faces. Luke tried to hush down his laugh.

“I will hand them all over to your capable care,” Ben assured as he walked closer to the group. Master Vos was whispering to Master Tachi which ended in them both snickering, almost uncontrollably. “But I do have a gift for Luke, if you don’t mind waiting a moment to take him.”

Helix shrugged. “Fine.”

Ben glanced around at the other troopers. “Did Gearshift come with you?” he asked as he got closer to Luke and wrapped a thin cloth around his eyes, making sure he could see a thing. Luke just scoffed good naturedly.

“Gearshift!” someone called out.

There were footsteps from a human and…something else. A clacking noise. A lot of them actually. It stopped and there were a few other quiet noises. “Can I loooooook??” Luke’s voice came out in a near whine. A few chuckles erupted from those around him.

Ben was standing next to him as someone untied and took off the blindfold. And in front of Luke, in Ben’s hands, was the cutest little BD explorer type droid Luke thinks he had ever seen. Washed in grey and gold, it’s little head looked up at him and squeaked in a binary Luke wasn’t entirely sure he understood but the meaning was clear. Plenty of curiosity.

His heart practically stopped. Could it be? No way.

No way.

“Is this…” he drifted off, unable to form words. He glanced at Ben, eyes wide and near pleading. “Are you serious?”

“I happened to have found her on the ship that we hijacked on our way here,” Ben explained with one of the fondest smiles Luke had ever seen up on him. “I helped fix her up, Anakin helped fix her up and she needs a bit more tweaking and probably a program update, but I thought you might like her. We talked a bit and she claimed she will give you a chance. She’s had a bit of a difficult time and would like a memory wipe, but I think you two will get along.”

“You got me a droid?!”

“I’m not sure if I would say got. I didn’t exactly pay for her or anything. Rather…liberated, in a way,” Ben pointed out.

Luke reached out his hands to let the little droid hop into his palms. He nearly felt like crying. “She’s so cute,” he whispered as she beeped at him, quick and excited. “I…can’t understand what she is saying though. Not fully.”

“It’s coded binary. Don’t worry, that can be changed in the programming.”

“Can we keep both?”

“Yes? But why?”

“I’d like to learn it. I think it would be fun. What’s her name?”

“Her designation is BD-42, but she claims to be amendable for changes.”

Luke hummed and stared at his new little droid friend. This was just… a dream. There was no other explanation. “Hmmm. We will have to brainstorm, won’t we, girl? I’m sure we can come up with something fantastic that is very you.” He looked up at Ben and he knew his eyes were sparkling because, well, they had to be. “Thank you, Ben.”

“I did promise you a droid at some point.”

“I think…. I think we might be a good team,” Luke agreed. “And we have a lot to do with an uncertain amount of time to do it.”

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