#i literally didnt tell ANYBODY for YEARS for THIS REASON

[sunshinequeer]

I hate you tiktok, I hate you tiktok, I hate you tiktok

[tigerdrop]

figuring myself out feels like ive flipped a light switch on. i really truly thought i was into cis dudes and i dont really.....know.....why. i look at the stuff i used to make and dont feel anything at all.

i think there was a lot of dissociative headiness for me - i didnt really like the bodies i was looking at or hooking up with or drawing, but i could fantasize about the ideal of being a cis guy who likes to get fucked and zone out. i dont really think i was mentally present 95% of the time i was having sex or beating off. to be honest i just retreated into my own head and thought about fanfic b/c the reality of my own body and the other persons body was a complete and total turnoff

it always felt like pretending. i was pretending the other guy wasnt just seeing me as a kind of ugly girl and i was pretending i was somewhere else and someone else the whole time

but now i know what its like to not be zoned out the whole time and it mystifies me that i tried so hard to pretend i liked it. b/c the idea of having sex with a dude in my own body disgusted me. but i still wanted to be one. and i still got agonized crushes on them that i knew wouldnt go anywhere b/c i didnt want to be a girl to them. so i forced myself to pretend that i liked topping guys and i forced myself to pretend that i enjoyed anal and sucking dick and playing with some dudes sweaty balls and i denied literally everything that i actually wanted

i was pretty into all the stuff i made over the past few years but not really for the reasons people expect. i just wanted to be fucked so bad but without all the trappings and politics of my own body in relationship to the people doing it and fantasizing is a pretty fun way to relieve that pressure

and it turns out that thats not really how people feel about having sex if they actually like it . did you know you can let girls top you and it doesnt make you want to kill yourself. i did not

anyway in case you were wondering i did have a crystal clear moment of clarity while scissoring somebody. like, Oh. this is what being gay actually feels like. and not just the feeling of desperately trying to prove it, despite every bone in your body telling you otherwise. Is anybody hearing this. Is this thing on. If yuou dont like having sex with cis dudes all that much you should really try this shit

[doll-elvis]

I AGREE SO MUCH ABOUT CHILD BRIDE. i went into it knowing nothing about the author, and in the forward shes really emphasizing how crazily obsessed she was with priscilla so i guess i was expecting it to be a sympathetic view of her😭 definitely not. what is suzzanes problem dear lord. shes so convinced and desperate to tell you that priscilla was some evil teenaged succubus out for rockstar blood. jesus christ. like girl even if she actually was who gives a shit????? same goes for currie grant. i dont care if he showed the author concrete evidence on a golden platter that he was telling the truth. hes just such an obvious sleazeball. just disgusting……. and she dedicates like 300 chapters to him saying over and over again that he fucked 14yo priscilla and that she was into it. babe they couldve had a steamy decade-long affair and NOBODY would care because he is literally just some random creep ass loser 13 years older than her. and when it comes to his attempted rape of her hes literally like “no i didnt try to rape her i just [decribes attempting to rape her]”. i really dont know suzzanes backstory but she is insane.

but uh. anyways that aside i did enjoy parts of the book for the more in depth view of the story. like suzzanne has such intense bias that really shows throughout but even with that it was still a great way to understand some of the situations a little better… i wish elvis and me was a little more detailed but i can appreciate how and why it is. and i am strangely curious about the actual nature of priscilla and curries relationship (i dont think they ever had consensual sex but i do believe he attacked her before elvis left germany and that leaves me curious as to why she still hung around him afterwards... i.e. those pictures of her to send to elvis that he took)

sorry for the huge wall of text im just.... very .. intrigued? by the book? its just so bizarre and raises a lot of questions lol.

“Currie’s like “No I didn’t try to r*pe her I just [describes atttempting to r*pe her]”

YES THANK YOU!!

if I could, in my own words, summarize the transcript of the conversation between Priscilla & Currie it would be this ⬇️

Currie: I didn’t r*pe you

Priscilla: You forced yourself on me

Currie: I didn’t force anything, you just weren’t into it

Priscilla: So you didn’t try to kiss me?

Currie: Well yeah I was trying to kiss you, you just wouldn’t kiss me back. You were very cold

again that was just my own words so not the actual transcript but that is exactly what I got out of that conversation- which is Currie denying he forced anything on her while simultaneously describing just how unresponsive she was to his advances, so THANK YOU for articulating that perfectly

He is an absolute sleaze-ball as you said, and clearly did not realize he was incriminating himself throughout that whole exchange

like even if Currie’s version of the events were true (I highly doubt it), he still committed statutory r*pe. Perhaps Suzanne and him don’t understand the age of consent but a fourteen year old girl cannot consent to intercourse, so anything he may or may not have actually done to her is still R*PE, whether she seemed willing or not. I’m completely abhorred that a biographer would give a man like that such a large platform and not only that, but agree/go with the story he tells- I’m sickened by it

and god, his reasoning as to why he wouldn’t need to r*pe Priscilla is just the most insane thing I’ve ever read ⬇️

“I had at least ten girls that I could call any night and go have sex with them,” countered Currie. “I’m not bragging—at least ten. I didn’t need to rape anybody ”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

okay like?? Ted Bundy had a longtime girlfriend and yet he still went out and s*xually assaulted and murdered women… what’s your point, Currie?

what also bothers me is that Suzanne Finstad is sitting on the full audio tapes of that conversation between Priscilla and Currie, and knowing her history of misquoting people and writing things that don’t line up with other testimonies, I wouldn’t be surprised in the very least if parts of that tape have been conveniently left out, or transcribed wrong, as she converted it from audio to text

like the whole 1961 photoshoot, as you mentioned, is something that I just wish I could hear Priscilla explain for herself

Priscilla Presley and Currie Grant in 1961

It does raise the question if what she said transpired was true why would she ever want to be alone with Currie again, and better yet, why would Elvis willingly put her in a situation like that?

Especially when he was aware of the attempted r*pe ⬇️

MARTY LACKER: “There was a guy who used to bring Priscilla around to Elvis’s house some, over there in Germany. He would take her home to her parents’ place, and then he’d go back to the barracks. Well, he was a scumbag. He was using cute little girls to get into the house, to be around Elvis. And he tried to put the make on Priscilla one night when he took her home. She says in her book that he tried to rape her. But he didn’t succeed. Elvis told us about it, himself”

excerpt is from “Elvis and the Memphis Mafia” by Alanna Nash

The only explanation in my mind that makes sense is that perhaps Currie Grant was Elvis’ only remaining contact in Germany- or at least the only person in contact with Priscilla- and since he was so desperate to see her again, maybe thought that the reward outweighed the risk

And obviously a 15-year-old Priscilla was still reeling over him leaving Germany and would likely agree to anything to please him…plus since it was Elvis who asked Currie to take the photos, maybe she thought if Elvis trusted him to do that, she could trust him as well ?

And although I doubt she intended too, Suzanne inadvertently said something similar when trying to do one of those logical fallacies that she does throughout the duration of “Child Bride” ⬇️

“Priscilla, despite her claim that Currie tried to rape her, was thrilled to oblige, “desperate” for word from Elvis, through Currie”

excerpt is from “Child Bride” by Suzanne Finstad

I feel like Suzanne is basically answering the dilemma herself despite her attempt to point out the inconsistency in Priscilla’s behavior (her being afraid of Currie, but also being around him)

Priscilla was willing to be photographed by her attempted assaulter as she was desperate for contact from Elvis and Currie just happened to be that link between them

and I have to say, my original response to the ask that I received about “Child Bride” was something that I was worried about posting as many of the more passionate anti-Priscilla crowd tend to treat it like it’s their Bible but WHEW- I am beyond relieved that so many people have also seen just how outrageous that book is, especially the narrative that Suzanne Finstad goes with- like as you said, trying to make a fourteen-year-old Priscilla out to be some “teenaged succubus” LMAOOO (that took me out 💀)

I honestly consider myself to be Priscilla-neutral despite what some people assume of me based on some my posts 🤧 and so because of that, I am very open to reading and discussing the valid criticisms against her HOWEVER- I have no time in my day to take someone like Currie Grant seriously so that is why the first half of “Child Bride” (chapters about Germany and what fourteen-year-old Priscilla may or may not have done) are just what ruin the whole book for me

And it’s a shame because again, there are some very valid things that Suzanne points out about Priscilla, especially the things that were left out of “Elvis and me”; like her inconsistencies in recalling certain events, her sometimes questionable character (treatment of others), her possible greed (suing and more suing) and the biggest one to me- her involvement in Scientology… but all of that is just dampered by Suzanne’s god awful commentary and god awful judgement

also girl please do not apologize for sending this in- I sincerely thank you for adding to the conversation about this book as I think these kinds of discussions are so beneficial and I’m just truly grateful to be able to have them with y’all- I’ve fr learned so much from your guys’ insight

and since there is such a surplus of information about Elvis (and Priscilla), I feel like the best way to navigate through it all is by breaking it down like this, and so if y’all ever want to talk about another book feel free to send in your thoughts <3!!!

[fr1edcats]

alright, we’re doing this.

Im not sure if i can even call this “castle swimmer headcanons” because you already know all of them are gonna be about siren and the sharks 💀💀 can you tell he’s my favorite? I make sure to be REALLY subtle about it of course!!!!/sarc

so we know shoal was like a healer right? Just a nurse that could heal a shit ton of creatures from the surface from a magical illness. Somehow…anyway i imagine he must have taught siren a thing or two. Because what better than a prince who doesnt get effected by a brutal curse to be a nurse? Makes perfect sense! I dont think siren would have like, known to make medicine. He knows the basics. Like how to clean and close up a wound. But personally i just really like to imagine that he would be a mid wife of sorts. The curse doesnt effect him. And we have seen how the curse works. Their species is endangered. So babys have to be protected. It would just be SO adorable if siren was just in charge of holding the babys untill theyre like 2 until theyre strong enough to endure the curse on their own ( ouch :[ )

fun fact! Sharks can go 6 weeks without eating! Haha.

the sharks have mentioned (i think??) that they dont go out hunting very often because if the brutality of their curse, attacking them whenever it gets the chance. I can only assume that they dont eat everyday. Its just too risky. My only possible theory/head canon is that they hunt like once every three weeks and literally have to STRECHHHH that meal out for everyone. Everyone tries to give their food to like Siren or Susca but they would always refuse. Infact they end up eating alot later than the rest. Making sure everyone else is fed before them. Siren has always felt guilty whenever he eats. He feels as though he doesn’t deserve a meal he didnt catch, a meal people have gotten hurt for. Which brings me to my next and last headcannon (for today 😈)

Guilt, you know, that thing we all feel when we find out youre the reason thousands of your people have been brutally tormented for years without any mercy. Even preying on children or even the very area your people reside in. Siren always feels massive surges of guilt whenever somebody helps on out on literally ANYTHING. Because, why should they? He’s never done anything for himself, he hasn’t suffered as much as anybody else. He has the “easiest life” after all.

Or or! Something I’ve noticed is that he gets really confused when people are nice to him? Especially people he doesnt know (which i mean…same.) he doesn’t understand random support from people. For example. He was more confused as too why neth gave up one of her hearts for a stranger rather than the fact he just came back to life 💀

Anyways im gonna try REALLY TRY my hardest to post daily head canons because i have alot of them based of research, canon, wendys answers on her asks or just general head canons i believe in.

<3 <3 <3

[lorillee]

why.... do you..... not like.... obito?

in short? because hes annoying as hell

in long: hes just kind of a poorly written character with a kind of dumb motivation and his place in the story is just a complete and utter mess and i really cant bring myself to care enough to sympathize with him and he seriously needs to stop whining about a girl he knew twenty years ago who didnt even have a romantic interest in him like you are almost thirty whole years old.MOVE ON. i dont care hes traumatized and emotionally stunted or whatever i seriously do not he does not compel me in the slightest. his relationship with kakashi is boring and every time kishimoto tried to tell me that he and naruto had literally anything in common i wanted to blow up the entire show. the most interesting thing about his character is how entirely and completely and bafflingly self-absorbed he is. actually im just going to go ahead and share a long winded complaint i wrote since i think it does a pretty good job explaining why i personally dislike him as a character and why i think his writing is just nonsense:

naruto as a series tends to plays a bit loose with its arc structure, but we preeetty consistently get a antagonist that naruto gets a battle with (see: mist kid whos name escapes me, gaara, kabuto, sasuke, deidara, four hearts akatsuki guy, pain, etc), some of whom are decidedly more relevant to naruto than others. kabuto, deidara, and four hearts akatsuki guy arent really set up as anything particularly personal to naruto and this is fine - it works plenty well within the context of the arcs and everybodys happy. mist kid is obviously a foil for naruto because everybody hated him so much forever and in his desperation for literally anybody to care about him he turned himself into a weapon without any desires or feelings of his own, gaara is a foil for naruto in the sense that everybody hated him so much forever because he's a jinchuriki and he closed himself off and hated everybody right back and lost control, sasuke is .well. sasuke. , and pain is a fellow student of jiraiya who wants to enforce peace on the world in a way that sucks. for the latter antagonists, naruto's battles with them arent just "i need to stop this guy from [blowing up the world/running away]" but also ideological ones, having to do with the running ideas of the horrors of the ninja world/system & keeping your heart open even if you get burned & the importance of love and human connection and a functioning support system and so on and so forth.

Regarding Obito. his position of relevance in this arc is really frankly just kind of bizarre. his existence prior is pretty much entirely a reason for why kakashi is the way he is and is never brought up in any context outside of kakashi staring at that dumb memorial. and then he gets brought back to be a main antagonist of the 4th ninja war arc …?.? ?? for. reasons? his motivations are obviously relevant to the horrors of war and the terrible awful system that runs on it but the crux of it is entirely focused on rin and really makes it look like his epic genjutsu world peace plan is less about the circumstances that made everything happen the way it did and more about omg rin…… rin rin rin……………… rin?!? rin. rin . did i mention rin? in case you forSorry.got. rin. like i imagine the intention is supposed to be that the rin thing is supposed to be a lens through which to view "wow this system sucks balls and obito wants to change that" but also im really not sure if thats even the case because again. its litreally just always rin rin rin. which i think is a significant barrier to making naruto's whole thing with obito relevant also because like. okay. obito and naruto have no direct connection, and their mutual connection of kakashi is literally entirely irrelevant. if anything SASUKE is more relevant to obito by virtue of both being uchiha and also that obito was involved in the uchiha family slaughter. but kishimoto decided he didnt really care enough to bring this up so WHATEVER. I GUESS. obito's weirdness in the plot is further excaberated by again the fact that he's set up as kakashi's personal baggage and i still think its super tremendously bizarre that kishimoto decided that naruto teaching him the value of friendship was the way to wrap this up despite the fact that. it just does not fit. it doesnt fit. at All.

like. instead of dealing with the actual connections naruto (or sasuke, but hes really not contributing too much on this front) has to him through other characters, kishimoto decided what he wanted to do with obito was make him a parallel to naruto and sasuke simultaneously and did. A REALLY BAD JOB. ive already complained extensively about this so im not going to bother repeating it but this is very very very intentional as kishimoto WILL NOT LET YOU FORGET OR MISUNDERSTAND and through this attempts to shoehorn in his thematic connection and ideological clash.

(note re: having complained about the parallels thing extensively. this is a slightly edited for clarity direct message to a friend referring to a previous conversation so you cant actually find anything on this blog about it but actually while we're here i'm going to go ahead and paste my complaint on kishimoto's inability to understand what makes a foil or even just a normal parallel work as it relates to obito:

the finale as it has been its not like worlds worst but it also kind of feels strangely divorced from the. well honestly a lot of things but imo the biggest problem here is that obito has no actual genuine connection to naruto, either personally or narratively. like because what this is supposed to be is naruto is to sasuke as hashirama is to madara as kakashi is to obito except also the reverse simultaneously neither of which kind of doesnt really work beyond a really tremendously surface level view especially with kakashi and obito because they were never like even friends until the 2 minutes before obito "died" in the first place but this is mildly off topic. but anyways i have to assume kishimoto's vision was like well since sasuke and obito are like parallels (THEYRE NOT.) naruto has a narrative connection to him so it works (IT DOESNT.) like because kishimoto loves foils in concept but more often than not hes kind of bad at pulling them off because he doesnt really understand what makes a foil work. like the whole thing with omg obito and naruto are literally just the same is NOT EVEN TRUE. NOT EVEN TRUE. NOT EVEN TRUE AT ALL.

like in the extended obito flashback they take the most surface level things and then completely divorce it from any of the context its in so we can be like omg………… obito just like naruto……… when it srsly does not apply at all. like omg obito was an orphan… and wanted to be hokage…… and he cared about other people………… SO HES JUST LIKE NARUTO! and its like NO???? WHGHUG???? like sasuke and gaara work as foils for naruto specifically because they had similar circumstances growing up, and those circumstances significantly contributed to how sasuke&gaara were consumed by loneliness and hatred and shut everybody out and wanted to blow up the entire world forever and ever whereas naruto did not because he found companionship and love and never gave up or in and all of this has. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH OBITO. LEGITIMATELY NOBODY ACTUALLY DISLIKED HIM EXCEPT FOR KAKASHI WHO THOUGHT HE WAS KIND OF ANNOYING. this is straight up completely incomparable to the isolation that sasuke & naruto experienced and to act like they're similar enough for this to work is kind of an insult to what naruto & sasuke have been through. obito's villain story is that some tremendously horrible things happened to him and he saw the girl he had a crush on when he was like 12 use the guy who he gave his eyeball to and asked to protect her as an instrument for her suicide and decided he hated everything forever and that love is impossible and we're all meant to be miserable forever and you cant be happy in reality and again absolutely none of this has anything at all to do with what naruto or gaara or sasuke went through. at all. like these situations are not even in the least amount comparable and its actually baffling. KISHIMOTO WHAT ARE YOU DOING. <- end discussion of badly attempted parallels)

however. because the bulk of obitos beef is not with the system but rather with the fact that rin died, it kind of puts a massive damper on the ideological clash side of things. like naruto is no stranger to the horrors of the ninja system and is also a personal victim of the way it functions and what it does to the people he loves, but he and obito arent so much clashing over what should be done about it (aka exploding reality and mind controlling everybody into a dream that sucks vs actually doing something about the damage thats been done and tearing apart destructive systems of abuse) but rather the importance of human connection. and like the latter isnt bad in a vacuum it can literally work fine, but obito and naruto do not share a similar ground on this front. this topic is important and relevant to naruto because the village threw him under the bus and backed over him 57 times in a row and he grew up almost entirely on his own and hated by everybody and it works for situations like gaara because theyre the same on this front, but this is NOT THE CASE FOR OBITO. obito's situation is ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT to this particular topic - yes he was apparently an orphan or whatever but literally everybody thought he was fine except for kakashi who thought he was annoying. his situation, on the other hand, is extremely very very wildly relevant to the konoha war machine both in the sense of getting sent out to war at the age of 12 and rin dying, which naruto understands maybe a bit less through his own personal experiences but intimately well through those of the people he knows and loves and who have had their entire lives upended by this. and this entire thing wouldve been exponentially improved imo if either a) a significant part of obitos downfall was a lack of connection or a refusal to open up his heart again or b) if the ideological clash was about the konoha war machine and what is to be done about it. but instead we just get this weird thing that doesnt really work for two characters who arent really relevant to each other and i seriously just want kakashi to kill that guy.BUT ITS WHATEVER .

also for additional context for the "lets tear obito apart with a pack of dogs" posts i have literally like Just finished shippuden and i was making those posts while me & my friend were watching the obito episodes. also also if you disagree with anything ive said here thats great wonderful go make your own post about how im wrong and how obito is the most understood character in naruto or something idgaf

[lacedqll]

I totally agree with what you said at the end there, I tend to find angst most comforting, I believe the best form of comfort comes after pure pain. Almost like the calm after the storm

But anyways, I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Reader where the reader tends to be very unemotional, calm, collected, and they never let anybody in. And eventually the reader just cracks and breaks down, letting out all of their buried and bottled up feelings and emotions? Only if you’re comfortable writing something like this Ofc, if not then I completely understand :)

(Also I was wondering if I could be 🌌 anon?)

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𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 . . 𝐲𝐞𝐬

「🐬 𝐓𝐖 ;;  」 ˚ ༘♡

🐋 ⁺ -ˋˏ 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻, 𝗰𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. ꗃ 𓏸

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-ˋˏ !

  ❛ rather keep to myself . . . - ❜

    ❛ - 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠 (𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑐ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦) . . 𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑜 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 ❜

୧ ‧₊ 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦/𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚, 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑣 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑡.

"CHAT- CHAT- calm down, the poor mods are having to moderate all the spammers with you all being so excited today!" Ranboo laughed, smiling widely with that goofy personality as perusal, whilst i stayed that emotionless person. our differences contrasted well,, even if complete literal opposites. i mean, the saying is 'Opposites Attract', so i guess it worked out in a funny way i guess.

staring at the chat which quickly went by, messages getting deleted before being seen, one caught my eye. it was a message that quickly got deleted, a simple hate comment towards my body, but something in me took it so to heart. quickly trying to shake it off as usual with hate comments, i couldnt. taking it so deeply to the pit of my heart. taking a hitched sigh, i settled a little closer to Ranboo, scooting my chair with a quiet screech as it skidded against the floors towards them. Ranboo seemed to barely catch me moving closer, eyes looking at me for a hot second before looking back at the streaming camera, going back to talking as they put his hand out towards me.

i stared at there hand for a moment before hesitantly grabbing it, keeping my gaze downwards as i heard him whisper a quick 'Are you okay?' before proceeding the talking to chat. i just barely nodded, keeping the emotions bottled up as always, a trait i had that i hated. it wasnt my fault i always stayed boddled up, hiding my emotions and never seemjng to fall apart. i only ever cried when away from people, screaming into pillows, punching my matress. i never expressed feelings so openly and i just couldnt handle it. people would say its unhealthy, but i couldnt control how i would react.

before i had realized, Ranboo had the 'BRB' screen up and the mic muted, body turned to me. lifting up my head, meeting my eyes with his, they spoke. "You're okay, yeah?" they asked. i stared for a moment before nodding slowly. the grip he had on my hand tightened before loosening, giving me a squeeze. "I'm alright, Ranboo." my voice was dull, lips spread into a thin line. a blank lie i had told them almost everyday. every other day, Ranboo would ask if im alright, and every otther time, i would lie. im such a gross liar.

his already arched brow rose up. "Are you completely sure?" i didnt answer this time, unsure of what to say. lying would put me into a deeper hole i had digged many years ago, but being truthful would make Ranboo worry. i dont want to be the reason they worry for me. thats wrong,,, but i need to tell someone. with a shaky breath, i slowly shake my head, and just as i expected, a glint of worry crossed in Ranboos eyes. why do i always make people worry. it makes me seem like a disappointment. im su- "I'm sorry." my words were cut off by Ranboo. huh?

"Why are you sorry?" i asked quietly. they didnt respond, just staring at me softly to which i stared back, us both sitting in silence. he turned away eventually, squeezing my hand as they turned on the mic of the stream, almost forgetting he was live as they spoke into the mic. "Chat, we are gonna end early." his voice was more gentle than usual. chat was quick to spam no's, making them chuckle, quickly bidded there goodbyes with chat before turning off the stream before turning back to me. i gulped nervously, feeling as if under an inspection by a detective of some sorts.

"Just let it out." they mumbled to me. "What do you mean?" "Just,,, cry. I understand if you need to. Bottling up your emotions isn't gonna fix anything. Just let it out already. The stream is off, i'm the only one here. I don't want to peer pressure you into tears, but please. You need to get better with this type of stuff."

a hitched breath left my mouth, eyes getting stung as i looked away quickly, feeling the waterworks already get to work with a warm tear escaping my eye. including a few more. Ranboo smiled slightly before hugging me. i couldnt do this anymore. grasping tightly onto Ranboo, i sobbed into his shoulder, leaning over the armrest of the chair. "Ranboo I can't bottle up this anymore.."

"Shh. It's okay.. just cry, let it out. I understand if you wouldn't want to talk after this.."

「 AUTHORS NOTES 」

      🌌anon 'iyaa!! currently eating blue takis ^0^ (sorry if people fasting see this or have ED!! not meaning to trigger anyone<3) happy to see someone agree with me! :) writing angst, depending on how i begin or end it, can be really comforting or a sad type of comfort! happy to write 4 u again if it is you :3 happy readings 🌌anon!! :D reminder: if you ever want anything changed, dm me! but if you want to stay anonymous, you can send it in through an ask and i'll get right to it! being descriptive is helpful <3 but i think i did well on this one! little longer than expected!

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[visionthefox]

I agree, it felt like Sun wasn't saying everything, and hasn't for a very long time, and the only time when he speaks his mind are his outbursts, and those are just yelling and screaming rather than processing things, it makes sense though why he'd be like that When Old Moon was around, Sun couldn't talk things out with him because Old Moon rarely had a supportive response, and more often than not he was ignored, brushed off, mocked, belittled, or had it turned on him, and while New Moon is better in that he has voiced support for Sun, after everything with Old Moon and New Moon sharing the anger and some of the habits, Sun may not feel like he can open up with New Moon Lunar is their little brother, who isn't the most mature, and he also has a lot with all the astral stuff going on, and when he was first introduced he was Old Eclipse's ally, and while he has moved far past that since then, it all does not make him the best candidate for it either Earth is great with this stuff, but as you've said, family members should not be therapists for their family, it's just too close to be effective most of the time, I also wonder if he feels like he can't open up because she's family, that he doesn't want to burden her with his much darker thoughts, or because of the stuff happening with the Creator before getting rid of Forgor every time Sun or Moon would talk about the Creator Earth would have a negative reaction, both might be a reason why he doesn't want to open up to her though I personally feel like its because he doesn't want to burden her Monty would more likely make fun of Sun as Monty doesn't take Sun seriously, not like he does with both Moons, and Foxy I am not sure about, are they anything more than acquaintances because of the whole FC thing? Sun never got close enough to Solar for them to have a connection despite Solar having a positive effect on the others, like how he was giving Earth therapy for her issues And nevermind counting on anybody else Sun basically doesn't have nor feel comfortable talking genuinely with anybody around him, he never has, and I can't see anybody besides maybe Earth being able to help him process everything in a way that isn't screaming, that is not good for mental health in the long-run, he needs someone that can get him to talk, and that he can talk things through with, who can take the darkest stuff with maturity and empathy, at least that's what it feels like to me

yeyeye im with ya anon! Sun is keeping A LOT of things hidden and locked on his mind. and I can tell if is actually a canon move or more of a bias look of our side since for us? makes sense he just-- cant ! he cant be as open because his issues arens as easy as " I feel less" or "im stress out" is way deep.. this dude is been alive over 12 years now- 10 years of Moon hitting him, mocking him , telling how stupid he is, how he pushed him aside- Golden never sided with Sun unless he was begging him to.. now sure, he has nice people around, but after having to bottle up your feelings over 10 years, is not easy to let go.. the time he did he got locked in a bunker to be forced to look at himself.. how much did that silly move on OldMoon damage him? enough to make him worry to speak up too much. Eclipse had to say some truth to Sun.. he is rather violent when he lets go of his fear.. (I totally believe Eclipse didnt give him the power to lift Monty to a wall, nah , that was all Sun's force! he never dare to use) I feel with Earth is both - dont want to stress her out and lack of trust, she's been a sister for 2 half years.. for me? is not enough time for Sun to even let her know all of his issues.. he cant tell how well she will reach to him being too open to what he feels and how he thinks on his dark moments.. and those issues are.. down deep and bad, as I showed once, his self steem is nearly up but not enough, he still thinks he is too stupid to help! when he literally was capable of so much! he feels he's weak, he killed a wither storm! , and the "you used to be happy" or "you look better now" dont help at all when he is here, sitting after a shock, walking in after being left alone for too long, putting on a happy ask again.. I know she NOT meant any harm, but in her own shock she wants to think he is ok.. now, we need to also keep in mind, the support did helped him, to at least let go for some bad habits! but we can see its not a constant help, specially now, he feels less due to this all.. (I had a test over his drinking but thats off topic) ANYWAYS YES YES YOU RIGHT ANON! as a whole Sun is a liar, who hides his true self under a "im all ok" smile, when he cant, he lets out sooo small pieces of the bigger image, and when he sense is "not the best time" he puts his mask again. now.. Will Moon notice the mask? Old Moon didnt.. will he try to TALK to him? face to face? or will rather do the "go talk to her, I cant help you" when all Sun needs is to FACE his brother and know he HEARS him.. Old Moon never cared to try.. so Sun can only Assume NewMoon is just the same way.. he cant bring himself to care when "theres a bigger issue here!"

[echodoesstuff62333]

..Does anybody uhm.. okay so like- my legal guardian doesnt believe I can have mental disorders at all. Literally. Anytime I bring it up she refuses to get me checked out cause "it'll ruinyour life!!". I'm going to therapy Thursday, and school has been so hard recently. I think I'm actually on a lower academic level then what I'm being taught. Either that or theres something else that's causing me to not be able to function properly with school work. I havent been able to understand anything I do and it causes stress, so lately ive.. well I've just not been doing it. If I could, I would. Trust me, one time, a few years back, I stayed up until 12 AM doing homework[I get home at 4:00 pm, though if it was a Wednesday then I would've had 2 hours less to do work]. The only reason I stopped was because I was forced to.

Its just.. nothing makes sense anymore. And I'm so MAD because im.. I'm supposed to be the Golden Student. I have been pretty quiet, and I do my work. I almost ALWAYS get high As. The lowest it gets on average is a B. B as in 2 points away from an A kind of B. But God everything is so hard and I want to scream at myself because I'm so STUPID! It must be ME that's doing something wrong. Right? Every other kid seems to be able to turn in their homework and understand it. But I cant.

I remember, last week. A class of like 12 kids, and the teacher asked how many of us got more than 6 wrong(there were like 8-10 questions), and I raised my hand. I was the only kid. I didnt know how to do the work. And I still dont. I hate the fucking way they do it because that's not what we were taught. We were taught to follow these rules, why are we breaking them? It's so confusing.

I just want someone to sit me down and tell me "It's not your fault, you're disabled, you literally cannot do this." Because I feel so different and it feels like theres some tool I'm missing and i.. I dont know.

[raveneira]

Warning: Anti BoruSara, KawaSumi, KawaAda, if you ship any of these then obviously dont read, you've been warned.

Just gonna throw this out there cuz its been a while and antis have gotten a lil too overconfident so Im just gonna give a little reality check and some hope to the fandom since its our month right now and so Im here to spread some positivity for our month, since I know antis would love to try and ruin it for us, I aint gon let em.

As much as antis will try to convince you guys that KawaSara is dead yatta yatta yatta dont buy it, its all gaslighting, their using the unknown to try and pretend its something definitive when there isnt

They try to tell you they hate eachother yet wheres any panel that shows this? when have either of them said they hate eachother? you wont find anything because it doesnt exist, they base it solely on the fact that they got mad over a disagreement [which Boruto did too but nobody said they hated eachother] and that he 'tried to kill her' [which he didnt it was a sparring match and he flat out says he wasnt tryin to kill anybody] and then their conflict in 78, which still doesnt count as Kawaki trying to kill her, he tried to SPARE her cuz his only target was Boruto, he told her not to intervene and she did anyway, and even after saying he was only giving her one chance he STILL gave her another chance to live instead of killing her and Boruto both, which he didnt have to do if he genuinely wanted to kill em both.

They try to use the timeskip chapters thus far as proof they hate eachother but notice how the timeskip conveniently hasnt let them interact at all let alone really even mention eachother? so how are antis convinced theres this deep hatred and hostility between them when they havent even interacted or said how they feel about eachother at this point in time?

And lastly they try to use their lack of interaction as a gotcha as well, but literally SS had the same exact issue, in case ppl forgot Sakura was away and didnt interact with Sasuke for 3 yrs straight, Sasuke was their enemy at the time and he had chosen to walk the dark path, and after their first reunion their interactions since then were few and far between and yet their an endgame ship, so why is it different for KawaSara? and the difference is Kawaki and Sarada actually have an even bigger advantage than SS did because they've been together in the same village for those entire 3 years, they very well could've had plenty of interactions off screen we're unaware of for all we know.

But antis will try to convince you that all of this is a bad thing, that this is all a ship ender, that theres no chance at all and its too far gone etc etc but like I said this is all gaslighting bs.

KawaSara isnt dead, far from it, and the reasons antis use for why the ship is sunk are all bs, they simply use the unknown [the assumption of no interaction, the assumption of them hating eachother, the assumption that Sarada doesnt/wont forgive Kawaki etc] but if you take a moment to really think about their points [or lack thereof] you'll see its them forging a narrative out of their own theories rather than whats actually canonly stated.

You could easily take Sasuke stabbing Naruto in the heart and nearly choking him to death as him hating Naruto and genuinely wanting him dead, but obviously that isnt the truth and we all know it, but could you make that argument? yea if you just look at everything at face value you can argue everytime Sasuke tried to kill Naruto it was out of hate and genuine want for him to be dead cuz he couldnt stand him, but again we all know thats false.

Its the same for KawaSara, you can easily argue at face value that they hate eachother based on surface level reading like 'he tried to kill her, they argued with eachother, they got into a fight, that means they hate eachother' but anybody with critical thinking skills and being objective can tell that no, thats not the case, theres way more nuance than that.

So anyway to cap this off, dont let the antis get to you and dont fall for their bs, their gaslighting you with the unknown because their scared of what their ACTUAL thoughts and feelings about eachother actually are and WHAT kind of interactions they possibly had over this time and what interactions they WILL have in the future, so heed my words when I tell you this...

Their not confident in the unknown they try to gaslight you with, their actually terrified of it, because literally anything could happen right now and they know it and it scares the hell out of them because just as Ikemoto could reveal that yea they despise eachother now, he could also reveal their actually cordial but Sarada obviously doesnt agree with his methods and is working against him regardless, no different than Naruto and Sakura disagreeing with Sasuke and working against him.

Im not claiming to know exactly where the story is headed [unlike some ppl] but I can make educated guesses based on experience and knowledge of many tropes and how their used etc but thats a topic for another post.

In conclusion, dont let them fool you by pretending that they have the upper hand here, they dont and they know it, until we get any real info/insight on whats happened between Kawaki and Sarada over this timeskip its anybodys game at this point so dont lose hope and dont listen to the haters.

Trust me when I say its not over yet, I cant convince you to believe me, but I hope you can atleast trust my judgement because I havent been wrong yet, and if you think I have well just look at this old bingo card I made way back about what would be changed/removed in the anime and how much of it I actually got right vs what I didnt

This was early in the Kawaki arc btw that I wrote these, completey forgot about I had made it, came across it again months later and realized just how much I got right.

So if yall think you cant trust my prediction skills, heres one more bit of evidence of my accuracy

This was after the Boruto death chapter and everyone was theorizing how everyones gonna react to his 'death' etc and I saw from a mile away none of that was gonna happen and it was all gonna be resolved and sped past in a single chapter tops and rushed right into the next plotline and guess what? I called all of that, only thing I didnt get exactly right was the Kawaki and Hina and Hima thing since they didnt even show him interacting with them after that so...didnt exactly get it wrong, it just wasnt shown so we dont know what happened between them fr fr.

I have more moments of me calling the future but this gets the point across enough, I cant force you to trust me nor am I trying to, just saying if you were unsure if you could just take my word for it like those 'trust me bro' sources, I wanted to assure you that Im not and that I really DO be knowing what Im talking about.

Anyway, its up to you from here, trust me or dont trust me if you want, but just know antis are only talkin shit like they are now because their scared now more than ever but hey dont take my word for it, lets see how this goes.

Note: How does any of this relate to Ksu and Kda? because antis insisted Sumire was gonna fake liking Kawaki because of omnipotence to hide from Ada that shes unaffected only for her not to hide it at all, and antis tried to argue that Kawaki and Ada will work together now and he'll get closer to her over time only for them not to be working together in the slightest and for them to be just as distant as they were before. So yea all the negative things they try to gaslight you with for KawaSara, their doing so as a smoke screen so you dont see how their bs is actually slippin through the cracks.

[nightcoremoon]

dark souls isn’t hard, you just suck.

time to discuss definitions!

hard = requires an exorbitant amount of effort to succeed in

suck = refuses to put in the effort needed to succeed

dark souls requires a minimal amount of effort. you have to read, you have to look around, you have to listen, you have to press more than one button at once, you have to use your spatial reasoning skills, you have to accept that every single mistake you make is permanent, you have to remember shit, you have to prioritize exploration over boss fights, and you have to accept that you need to play through the game more than one times in order to see everything and get all of the content. these are all skills that anybody who has been playing RPGs from the last 35+ years should know by now, and if you haven’t played anything by squeenix, interplay, bioware, black isle, blizzard, any of the classics, THEN WHY PRAY TELL THE FUCK ARE YOU STARTING AT THE SIXTH INSTALLMENT OF A FRANCHISE KNOWN FOR BEING A LITTLE MORE DIFFICULT THAN SKYRIM, THEN BEING SHOCKED THAT IT DIDNT GIVE YOU A FREE WIN???

yeah you have to put in a little bit of effort to learn the mechanics. obviously. you can’t fucking jump into starcraft multiplayer and then being like “wow this game is bullshit” because you have one marine out, 24 SCVs in your mineral line, 1200 minerals in the bank, 6 supply depots queued up, and then got swarmed by 12 zerglings at the 8 minute mark. you can’t fucking jump into minecraft hardcore and then be like “wow this game is bullshit” because you can’t kill three zombies with a wooden pickaxe. you can’t fucking jump into doom on ultraviolence and then be like “wow this game is bullshit” because you can’t move and shoot at the same time. learn to macro, learn to craft, learn to strafe, LEARN TO FUCKING MANAGE YOUR STAMINA.

every game has a learning curve, and dark souls is no exception. the PROBLEM is that if you approach dark souls like it’s skyrim or dynasty warriors or some other schlocky piece of garbage that requires no skill to just spam attacks, then yeah, you’re going to get your ass kicked. devil may cry came out and everyone said it was the hardest game ever. if you were alive and conscious in 2001 then you heard about how bullshit that scorpion fight was. and then ninja gaiden sigma came out and dethroned it. but now we look back on them as the precursors of the entire character action genre and now everyone loves bayonetta, god of war, metal gear rising, nier, no more heroes, okami, the world ends with you (cult classic though it may be), etc. and those games are actually tough as nails and require a lot of diligence to beat. dark souls? not so much. people are just too used to games coddling them, developers implementing systems such as Difficulty Adjustments and AI Mercy and allowing you to quicksave every five seconds just to save scum so you don’t have to drink a health potion and eat a cheese wheel every time you fuck up your stealth archery segment, and having the difficulty selection screen being “I’m a literal baby / I have played a video game before / I eat broken glass for breakfast” and all it changes is how much health that your enemies have. the 2000s were a weird decade for games. there was so so much good, then so so much mediocrity, and then so so much good again. technology advanced rapidly. we went from halo 1 to odst. and people got shittier at gaming.

[attink]

ive had some weird dreams about my assaulter and his girlfriend recently. i think because april 30th of last year was the day i found out about everything, and my brain goes crazy about that sort of thing.

about a week ago i dreamt that i got a notification on my phone that said ***** ****** is coming to visit you! and i got extremely freaked out. my case didn’t go anywhere and there is no no-contact order, but he did visit my workplace on purpose after i found everything out, and had planned on transferring to my college at some point. after the police, though, he seems to be staying away from me, and only his girlfriend started showing up to my job (to walk around, buy nothing, look at me, and leave) I’m afraid of having no safe space. and i’m afraid that he’ll realize i can’t do much if he decides to come around where i work. sometimes, in a very fleeting way, im scared that he’ll want to come find me. the dream ended very shortly with me freaking out and looking out my windows for his car.

I can explain myself more with this next dream. Later, i dreamt that I was looking through my easter photos, only they weren’t mine, they were my assaulter’s girlfriend’s photos. I kept looking, scared that i would see his face in them, but i didn’t. Weird, right? This is the girl that my assaulter was with before me, and after me, (and truthfully i’m not sure if they’re still together but frankly i don’t care). In our own relationship he assaulted me several times. After the breakup, she asked me if he had r*ped me. I told her what happened to me (none of which i truly consider r*pe) and she told me the reason why she asked. for months i minimized my pain because she had gone through worse. in literally every way he treated me wrong, she got it worse. I felt sorry for her, i didnt hate her, and i compared my own pain to hers. Eventually, while i still had a case, i had to explain why i didn’t go to the cops immediately for mine. (i hoped it was an accident. him being a repeat assaulter changed my view)… then i got the “hate mail”, as i put it. it was from her, telling me how disgusting i was for butting into their lives, and how i should mind my business and move on. how i was petty, pathetic, delusional, and she pitied anybody who ever had the misfortune of coming into my life (her words, my friends and i would later laugh over this). So essentially this girl defended our assaulter to me after i tried to get some justice/at least make sure there was a record so he wouldn’t try to do that again. for months she came to my workplace (the word “stalk” has been used and that freaks me out) but luckily i haven’t seen him in almost a year and her in half.

and then.. last nights dream. I was sitting in some sort of class or church and lo and behold, this girl is sitting next to me. I ignore her, she ignores me, perfect. then somehow we’re away from everyone having a verbal argument. I don’t remember what she said, i just remember saying “you know what? its okay that you didn’t tell anyone or get help. I didn’t. Not until i knew what happened to you. im just trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again to anyone else, not even you. It’s like we said on the phone, whoever ends up with him will have to deal with this for the rest of their life.”

and then.. she was crying. In a perfect world, she’d get away from this guy and find someone decent. see that he’s not worth it. But as far as i know, there��s a girl out there still dating her assaulter and feeling fine that she told his other victim to fuck right off. I don’t think about it much, because its none of my business what two bad people are doing together, but i am frequently glad that im the one who’s not in the picture anymore.

there is no real point to this post besides reflecting on this stuff and reminding myself why i might be dreaming about my assaulter and some girl. i feel like if i didn’t, my brain would convince me that dreaming about people who hurt me isn’t natural

[munsonology]

Not to be a hater but quite literally if given the chance I would absolutely lay into my ex friend. Like he called me a slew of names spaced out over time each one worse then the previous, shared my trauma with people and tried to use it against me, and even told the kids I babysat for years MY FUCKING KIDS (not mine but basically they were) (and their parents) that I was a bad influence and a bad person. Like I took the name calling, but then I distanced because of the wife situation, but then I find out the rest of this shit????

Like ONE CHANCE I'd take it. Let me fucking at him. ESPECIALLY if I was in a group! Like you trying to come for me???

You??? No degree barely graduated high school can't swing a hammer or change your own oil man??? Coming for a smart strong bachelor degree woman???

You lived with your parents for years, not because of a cultural thing, but because you were "scared" to live alone! Bending to your mother's every beck and call. I should call you Norman Bates with how far up your mother's ass you are.

I could get a man or woman or ANYBODY if I wanted. I have options. remember when you had a crush on me dumbass and asked me out remember when you simped for me and took me to the movies for free what about that concert that was over 300 dollars FOR FREE cause you wanted me so bad? I could have had you and DIDNT and no one wants your 30 year old ass thats why you chose an 18 year old you fucking creep THAT is why we aren't friends and then all your dirty little secrets and skeletons about what you told others about me came out. You think your shit don't smell because you are full of it

You think you are so good and kind and everything you do is golden well its fool's gold you clown. Karma gonna get you just you wait (and thats the only reason I haven't fought u yet like...im trying to be the better person but they say one more thing in my presence...)

(And yes it is fucked they went for the 18 year old and it is even more fucked that they are now married like it was so quick like who thought that was okay not me that poor girl I hope she gets out cause he is not good he is not the love of her life hes just a man!!! Let me run him over cause YOU ARE A CHILD AND) (no I was gonna be petty af and post a throwback photo and tag everyone cause I have a picture of me, him, and his wife when she was 4 and he was 16 like 💀💀)(also again no shame to her if she needs help i am getting her out but she is devoted to him and disillusioned rn he got her brainwashed and yes we all grew up together and yes its a fucked situation and I want to go all Carrie Underwood on his ass and dig a key into the side of his car and knock out his headlights but karma is coming for him and karma could do better then me) (sorry for spilling in your inbox I am a ball of hate found out today and I mean AN HOUR AGO he actually was the one to spread a rumor about me that haunts me to this day as well as telling people about secrets I had told him that were not ok to tell and he has the fucking nerve to have come into MY HOUSE under false pretenses just to record me out of context and share it as proof im terrible oh fuck him)(please note as soon as I found out he was with the 18 year old I cut him out of my life but we work together just in different departments so I see him pretty regularly still sadly and I cant quit because I signed a contract but thankfully I dont have to see his crusty ass every day cause if I did....call me Elsa with the stone cold attitude he is receiving)

oh my god bestie 😭😭 first thank you for sharing 💖 he’s a weirdo for real. the fact he married an 18 year old is just sick, and what’s worse is you know he didn’t just meet her at 18 because they never do 😒

and that’s commendable of you to wanna look after her. it might take a while for her to see who he truly is. i think it’s important to remember she might not accept help :/ it might be healthier for you to take a step back. sometimes we need to put ourselves first for our own wellbeing. hopefully her family is aware.

it always hurts when people you think are your friend are the ones who purposely and carelessly hurt you the most. and i know you wanna fuck him up and key his car but he’s not worth going to jail over. the universe has a way of always working out, what we put out into the world we receive and trust he’ll get his for all the clownery he’s doing. it might take a while but it will. and when it does you can sip your tea with a big slurp 💀

[abvfluxing]

Several months ago i told my roommate i wasnt interested in looking at a new place to live, bcus at the time i figured there was a good chance i wouldnt still be living in ohio in the next several months to year. (I never told her why i didnt want to look at new places thankfully). Bcus i thot things were going to keep moving in a positive way with him. Very stupid of me.

I waited 6 months on two things. "Idk how I feel " and "we will meet in person". 6 fucking months of waiting patiently.

And when i finally bring up the first thing i get "well i don't think i feel that way... but who knows what the future holds". Wtf. half a year and you still cant say it decisively. I tried so hard to take that as a definitive response and move on, but it wasnt and i couldnt. Bcus im an idiot.

After the first cancelled meeting i waited. Then a second cancelled meeting. And he says "well im not going out of my way looking to pick up trips to go that way, itll happen when it happens". I keep waiting. One day i try to sincerely explain how much its hurting me to wait to meet like this, and how much I want to take the initiative and plan a trip to his city. And how worried i am about the whole "flight school" on the horizon since its going to most likely alter his schedule in such a way that him and i will have so little free time at the same time. And how that scares me bcus it feels like the first step to losing him completely. And this is another reason im pushing to make a meeting happen.

So Making it very very clear that i only would want for one small simple meeting, like a lunch, and that if thats all i got with him that would be enough bcus i also just really want to travel somewhere and see things jve never seen and that taking a plane by myself is a very scary thing, but if im going somehwere where i know a friend is on the otherside it gives me the strength to do something so extreme for myself, i mean im someone that gets stressed and anxious just trying to go to a store or run errands. He says "no, i cant guarantee it would work out to meet, and i dont want you to spend all that money and be disappointed" also "im not out to my family so itd be comllicated to have you over as anything other than a friend". First of all, im not even allowed to try and make something happen. 2nd with weeks ahead of time anybody can plan for a single lunch to happen once out of 2 or 3 days possible. 3rd it must not matter how important it is to me, to be able to try and do something like this, how little i expect how little commitment im asking for it, how unobtrusive im trying to be but also experience something. It doesnt matter. 4th, what the fuck is that second excuse coming from? I didnt ask to meet your family, i didnt ask to come over to a family dinner and ve introduced as your boyfriend. How is that a concern when ive made it clear none of that is expected? (Well stupid ass me thinks only someone thinking of doing those things would randomly bring them up when they were not previously stated). 5thly, if you had a job that would literally PAY you to go and visit your alleged "best friend" ... wouldnt you kinda fucking want to do that? Wouldnt that be cool as shit? If i could get paid to visit some of my friends, i think maybe i might try and make that happen every once in a while. So he wont take a paid trip to see me, and im not allowed to pay for my own trip to him. Kinda really sounds like "i dont want to meet you". Only took this dumbass about 8 months to realize that one.

The last couple of weeks ive been trying to act "normal ". Im not messaging him everyday, even tho i want to. And it fucking hurts me. And idk how he feels about it, or if hes even noticed. Not like he would ever really tell me the truth anyway. So im an idiot and an asshole.

I can't even get him to say something as simple as "i want to spend time with you" i tried so hard one night to see if he could even say that much, it didnt work. Bcus im an idiot.

We had two big fights recently too. The one everyone could see where he made it clear he thinks im stupid as shit. And then a second one a few days later while in a discord call. He was upsetting me so much i had to hang up on him before i blew a gasket. Then i explained to him why i got so upset and his response was "wow you got upset over someone elses opinions". He was going to let the night end like that. Soni explained further why I was so upset. And he said something like "ok". And i had to be like "do i even get an apology?" (After i had already apologized for hanging up and getting upset, earlier in the convo). And only then did he finally give a half assed barely covering the problem apology. But I took it and rejoined the call after calming down a bit more. Once again i was being stupid and an ass.

Ever since those two fights i feel like i get treated like shit all the time. Like he is mad at me about stuff but cant even remotely bring it up outside of treating me like shit. But then the one day he streams its all "this is the game brad recommended for me, he knows me so well" blah blah blah. And weirdly nice replies sometimes. Like clearly something is up. But more likely im just an idiot.

He was trying to talk to me the other day, just a couple days after my "worst day" of the very very bad past two weeks. I told him "sorry i havent been feeling well". Him "oh are you sick. Me "well not like cough cough sick". Him " then what is it?". Me "its hard to say out loud". Him "oh ok".

And that was it. No reassurance, no "im here", no "i understand but you can talk to me if itd help". Nothing. Is that really how someone responds to their "best friend" clearly not being well? Its hard for me to tell bcus im so stupid.

And then the announcement earlier. Came with no warning to me. Last i heard he hadnt heard back from any places. And hours before he posted that he asked what I was doing, and i was playing totk amd watching gdq with the roommate. Not really a good time for him and i to play a game together that would take the main tv in the living room. So he said ok have fun. And i said "if you want to hang out in a call thatd be cool". Him "well id have to go in the other room, ill just stay in the living its more comfortable". Me "ok well lmk if you figure out how to use discord in the living room and id be down to hang out". Him "id either have to wear headphones and not hear the game or put you on speaker and youd hear my game. Which is so annoying". Me "i normally use headphone and just leave one ear uncovered to hear the game. Also so when my games have been too loud". Him "its mostly my friend nate 'blah blah blah" convo ends. And a couple hours later we get that announcement.

Hes got his next two months planned out basically. One month of "working back to back" which contains two weeks off, one of which an international vacation! Lmao. Followed by starting school the next month. two weeks before my birthday! How perfect! I messaged him and told him im happy to hear that he finally heard back from a place. And that im happy for him. But im also so fucking pissed. Ive told him how this school thing coming worries me, and he makes a group post instead of telling his "best friend" first. Isnt that fucked up? Once again im being treated like shit. And hes able to have two weeks off in june, including an 8 day international vacation. But i get "ill try to stream for those other days". Somebody you said "we will meet eventually" and you cant make room for me after all this time before turning your whole lifes schedule around making it so you know we wont be able to hang out anymore. So clearly im a huge fucking asshole for having such selfish fucking thots when all i should have thot was "oh yay good for you!". But hey thats what you get when your a stupid worthless ashole am i right? 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆

[k1nky-fool]

pt 2 electric boogaloo or whatever i didnt watch whatever that meme came from also these have a few more because i didnt want it to be as short since were missing like 2 other characters (cause yk i usually ask 4 or 5, its not favoritism i just like them to be even)

Maeko- 4, 7, 11, 22, 45, 51, 52, 55

Mania- 2, 8, 19, 25, 30, 45, 51, 53

love you :) I hope you feel better !!!

I'm feeling a bit better now that I have my distraction.

Maeko

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

I've mentioned a few times that Maeko was a softball player in high school and college, and that's definitely something she wishes she could do more often. She hasn't played in years, but she'd definitely like to have a reason to run without her life being in danger.

7. What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

"Ayo, who's funky kid is this!?" Even if she has all her kids, she can never shake the feeling that one of them has wandered off, and one of them might be in front of a stranger.

Let's be honest, pretty much everyone would say something relating to her kids. Kugo would know to pick whichever kid she's the most worried about at that moment, and Ahmya would likely just start crying.

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

"Who's your favorite child?"

You'd assume the correct answer is that she doesn't have a favorite, or that she loves all of her children equally, but Maeko actually has a bit that she's been using ever since she met Tamaki Amajiki. He's her favorite, and she will not elaborate.

But I will elaborate. Basically she met Amajiki when he started his work study with Fatgum, and he got along very well with her kids. So well that all of them immediately behave when he shows up, and they get unironically excited whenever they see him, even well into high school. So everyone in the Sakamata family knows that Tamaki Amajiki is her favorite child.

22. What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

Maeko absolutely hates swimming. Which seems odd considering who her spouses are. Beach day is already a nightmare for Maeko, but as soon as someone suggest she go in the ocean, she's walking home no matter how far it is.

45. What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Oatmilk. She hates the taste, and the gross film that it coats her tongue in, and it's a much worse version of an already great milk alternative of almond milk. She won't judge you if you do like it, but if you thought you were doing something nice and bring her any coffee with oatmilk in it, she will hit you.

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

Not so much a phrase as a facial expression that she does a lot that I struggle to write every time she does it. I feel like the expression is worth more than enough words. It's sort of one of those

🫤

faces that she makes when she's stumped or slightly annoyed and can't do anything about it.

52. Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Sometimes she doesn't have the time to wait for the facts, and has to go off a gut feeling, but any time she can wait for facts, she will.

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

You'd think as a private investigator, she'd actually enjoy extensive research, but if she could make literally anybody else comb through files, news sites, police reports, and records, she would pay them so much money. But unfortunately, she needs to know all that stuff and she can currently only trust herself to get that information and compile it in a way that makes sense to her.

Mania/Tara

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

Very strictly. If I'm being entirely honest, the only reason she ever called Flynn a friend is because he proved exactly what he was willing to do to keep her alive and safe. The only other person she'll really consider a friend is Dr. Kostadinov for pretty much the same reason.

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Even more strict than the term "friend." As you can imagine, vulnerability for her is extremely rare, and when it comes to ever letting someone know she’s comfortable enough around them to be vulnerable, she will likely second guess herself several times before she ever gets brave enough to say it.

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Tara’s first solution would be to give them the silent treatment, in favor of trying to get the hell out on her own. If it’s a silly situation where it’s clear they have to work together in order to get out, she’ll only talk about how to get out, and blatantly ignore any efforts to talk about something else. If they specifically trapped her there so she couldn’t escape while they talked to her, you can imagine that they’re lucky if her answer isn’t violence. If her answer is to finally confront them, then it will likely be a massive showdown regardless.

25. What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

Tara always had a bias toward science classes, but her second love was actually horror media. She can track the horror genre to its beginning and she has several essays on the genre, including her pride and joy, the history of queer representation in horror media.

30. When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

If she’s managed to mess something up in her profession of mechanical repair, then someone’s probably gonna die. If she managed to send something away and it blew up and killed someone, Tara would be absolutely destroyed. And her new profession of demon killing has very similar consequences. If she fails to kill something, it’ll either kill her, or go after someone else that can’t protect themself.

Now, personal guilt will very likely result in avoidance. Tara will outright ignore and avoid whoever she thinks she wronged until it's either too much, or they confront her about it.

45. What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Any red and white color scheme. It's easy to try and say that it's because the Lazarus facility used that color scheme, but honestly, Tara had hated it long before she ever met Dr. Hive. She just thinks it looks so stupid no matter how you slice it, and she will bully you about it.

She also just absolutely hates caramel. It's literally just sugar, and it's not even good. It's so much work for literally no flavor. It's nothing but sweetness and there's no way to balance it with any flavor that doesn't make her want to throw up.

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

I think "fuck" counts as a phrase considering how many different ways she uses it.

But specifically "I think the fuck not." I am disappointed with how few times I've actually managed to write it in.

53. Who would / do they believe without question?

Literally nobody, especially not as of now on the story. Even long into the future, not even her closest friends or lovers are beyond question. Her life is just too high stakes for there to be anybody that she trusts with no thought.

[unkokurt]

I dont know if you will ever see this, and frankly I dont care at this point I just need to get this shit off my chest. I can honestly say that I wish i never met you. I wish I never sent you that message telling you how i really felt after all these years. I shouldve left you unhappy and alone with Devonte. All I got was a girlfriend who neglected my needs and still expected me to meet hers regardless of how she treated me! A girlfriend who didnt take anything i said or felt into consideration. A girlfriend who only put herself first and never cared how it affected me or our relationship, a girlfriend who always played the victim and runs back home when anything goes wrong even if her actions caused it! A girlfriend who was mentally and physically abusive. When i said i deserved better i meant that shit whole heartedly. I repeatedly told you what was bothering me and what needed to change and yet you made no effort at all to fix those things. I guess you feel as if you dont need to do any work on yourself and thats fine, but im good on that bullshit. You gave me crumbs and expected so much in return. You didnt even give the bare minimum literally time, and support! I shouldnt have had to ask for these things to begin with!

I want you to know I didnt leave because of money, it may have been a part of the issue but its far from the main reason I left. I left because you were a bad partner and girlfriend. You were selfish as fuck and just told me what i wanted to hear rather than genuinely fixing the issue, my needs never were a priority. It took what 2 years and a handful of fights and break ups for you to start making time for me? Yet any time you had you’d go spend with friends instead because “we lived together”. Then when id be irritated about it you’d try and make it seem as if i was jealous you had friends! Like nah i was irritated because you never made time for me but will make time for just about anybody else! Why i waited that long for quality time with you is beyond me! All the while supporting us while you finished college! Then the moment you could actually help out. You leave me to fend for myself yet again! Not like id been asking for some financial support for a year and a half +. Your response everytime was “but what about MY savings” like im not paying 4k a month in bills because of you and your fucking “needs”! Then you have the nerve to call me fucking selfish! The funniest part is when you told me “if you had this opportunity you wouldnt take it?” To be real with you, if it meant leaving you to fend for yourself knowing full well you were struggling I wouldnt. But thats why me and you arent the same. I wouldnt make my partners life harder just for some financial gain but i guess thats just me being selfish huh? And honestly you telling me youd do anything to make it work between living with me and your grandmas just to literally do nothing and tell me im on my own was total bullshit. I shouldve just broke things off months ago like i planned. Idk why i listened to you when you said youd do anything because i knew damn well you were lying!

You make me out to be such a bad person and you make all these post on tumblr like “get you somebody whos in the mood for you everyday” guess what I was in the mood for you everyday. I wanted to marry you and have a family the whole 9 yards. But you PUSHED me away and made me resent and hate you. Its wild how you sit there pretending to be a victim in all of this when you literally left me to figure shit out on my own for the fucking millionth time! Like you really thought i wasnt gonna get sick of your shit? You fucked me over and acted like it wasnt a big deal because you were playing savior to your family. That was the final straw for me. You constantly putting EVERYTHING before me, and our relationship. I never wanted to walk away but you left me no choice. You showed me your true colors time and time again, Id have to be a fucking idiot to keep letting you do this shit to me! I just want closure and to move on with my life after spending 10 years wasted on some fantasy relationship that was shit both times around! Same bullshit just 10 years apart. Id say i wish you the best but id be lying. I hope the day you decide to put your all into somebody they break your fucking heart like you did mine! I hope you learn what it feels like to put somebody first just for them to put you last when it really matters. I hope they walk out on you every time you make them upset! I hope you wake up one day and regret ever treating me this way and you have to live with that for the rest of your fucking life! Itll be no surprise to me if none of your future relationships work out if you continue to treat your significant others this way. Nobody wants to be neglected and treated like their replaceable.

[alphalesbian]

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