#i lover her so so much my heart is full whenever i think of her

[release-the-hound]

Share your breakfast with Whim, or there will be consequences.

[starstruckmoony]

Hi, could I request a enemies to lovers with Enzo? Love your writing :))

tysm for the request anon!! i am so so sorry for taking ages to post this but i got veryyyyyy carried away and it may or may not be too long BUT i hope you enjoy it and that it's similar enough to what you imagined <3

king of my heart.

masterlist , requests

pairing - lorenzo berkshire x reader

summary - you and lorenzo are both sore, jealous losers with egos the size of jupiter, so you decide that you hate one another and that academic competing is the way to go. you keep that up for six full years, until something rather unfortunate happens and destroys your entire game plan.

trope/tags - enemies to lovers, rivals to lovers, angst, fluff

word count - 12.8k

warnings - language, smoking

if there was one thing every single person who ever crossed your path knew about you, even if you were barely acquainted, was that you had sort of been raised without the ability to accept that you cannot always come out on top. it was simply incomprehensible. you'd been told that you were a gifted kid from the moment you became aware of your pathetic little existence. it did wonders to your ego. your smarts and determination amused your tutors, petrified them even. and the better you got, the more motivation it sparked in you.

you intended to keep things going your way when your acceptance letter for hogwarts arrived in the mail. you weren't worried, not even a little bit, and neither were your parents. being the best of the best was a running thing in your family.

unsurprisingly, it couldn't have started off better. your professors loved you. other kids envied you. each essay and exam result you'd ever recieved was the textbook definition of perfect. your grades were nicer that aphrodite's reflection in the mirror, as hermione had told you once. it was a lot coming from her. she was also amongst the few of the smartest, most hardworking students in your year, but you never felt threatened by her, or anybody else for that matter. there was, weirdly, no jealousy. on her part, at least, considering you so very effortlessly secured your spot as top of the class and never let anybody take it. she'd always be happy for you like the good friend she was, proudly patting you on the back, yet you couldn't help but think if she ever felt a little angry behind that supportive smile of hers.

and funny enough, you were finally able to stop pretending to know what it was like one fine wednesday before the christmas holidays. you had come into class more confident than ever that morning, smugly waiting for your potions essay results. you were hoping for a hundred, but a ninety nine, maybe even a ninety eight, didn't seem so bad either. that would have been, if lorenzo berkshire hadn't got his essay back with a score better than yours. he, much like yourself, was just another sore loser who craved academic validation like a drug, silently fuming whenever somebody surpassed him. he had dealt it with for months, watching you ace everything from charms to transfiguration, and always being second to you. the jealousy consumed his entire being, and he was kind of going mental, so you one could only imagine how ecstatic he was when he saw your face twist with dread after snape praised him in front of everybody. he wouldn't have hidden that mocking grin on his face if you held a knife to his throat and it made you want to choke him to death, for lack of better term.

"l/n." he sang as he successfully caught you in the corridor right after the said lesson. twat. you ignored him and increased the speed of your steps, biting the inside of your cheek, so hard that it began to sting. you didn't instantaneously realise how desperate he was to get your attention, but it became a lot clearer when he stood in front of you, entirely blocking your path. your little attempts to confuse him and avoid the situation were useless. it was kind of pathetic.

"what do you want?" simply shoving him to the ground and acting like it never happened would have done the job, but god forbid you swallowed your pride for once. 

"c'mon, don't be so pissy, i'm just trying to make conversation." you saw right through him, anyone would. him? wanting to make conversation with you? after death-glaring you every lesson for three months straight? and then bursting your bubble and being so smug about it? you almost scoffed, "you're in my way."

"oh, my apologies." he moved to the side and bowed dramatically, waiting for you to leave. you rolled your eyes, and took a single step forward, just to have him come right back to his original spot.

"move." you tried to shove him and even attempted to run for it, but he was faster than you. your nostrils flared, "you know that today was just dumb luck, right?" you crossed your arms, thinking you'd get under his skin, but there was no sign of change on his face. on the contrary, he was more accomplished than ever. you were fuming.

"i wouldn't call it that." he tilted his head to the side, observing your face.

"alright then," you copied his movements, "plagiarism?" his smile fell a little. it made you a lot happier than it should have. you expected victory from that senseless squabble, but lorenzo wasn't the type of person who backed down so easily. that was something you should have known.

"you're projecting." he shrugged, blankly staring at you.

"projecting?" you almost stuttered.

"projecting. pick up a dictionary, yeah?" he gave your head a tiny pat, and left you standing in the hallway, dumbfounded, angry, and a little humiliated.

that moment alone set off a feud that changed the trajectory of your miserable lives forever. each time he did better than you, whether it was on an essay, an exam, flying lessons even, your urge to wipe his existence of the face of the earth got stronger. the feelings were mutual on his part. you went back and forth like that for a while, trying not to be that obvious about it, but one could only hide their true feelings for so long.

it started off with hushed insults, which got strategically thrown around every time you'd cross each other's path. having other people notice your diminishing confidence was proper nightmare fuel, so you kept it as subtle as possible. then it turned into shoving and pushing, which was enough to set off some alarm bells in the heads of your friends. neville had told you that it wasn't worth it, and draco, of all fucking people, had told lorenzo to tone it down, but you refused to listen. you offered a few empty promises, saying that you'll sort it out sooner or later (sort out as in make sure you never let lorenzo get a score higher than yours again, but that was not going to happen).

your sooner or later turned into a few godawfully long years. saying you hated him may have seemed like an overstatement, but there was no other way to describe that burning feeling of i want to fucking kill you that entirely took over you whenever you laid your eyes on him. it kept getting worse and worse, without you realising just how bad it had become. your little competitions had completely lost their significance. it didn't matter who was first anymore. it could be ron or pansy, and you wouldn't bat an eye. all you cared about was surpassing each other, even if you were among the average with your scores.

that being said, it became an open secret of sort. as stupid as you made your classmates out to be, they were not, and they quickly put the missing puzzle pieces together. one of them spread a rumour that you tried to kill lorenzo, or vice versa, you couldn't really remember. and frankly, you couldn't blame them. you had given them more than enough reasons to think that you hated his guts. the most ridiculous instance had to have been the one during potions class when snape assigned you to work together. you could have placed a bet of two million galleons that he did it on purpose. it was like he wanted you to fail.

lorenzo had managed to insult you before he even took a seat at your table, calling you too stupid to work with in front of the entire class. you told him that he was a daft idiot when he unwillingly slumped down into the empty seat next to you, which had only set him off more. you accepted your fates almost immediately, knowing that whatever task snape assigned to you wouldn't be done, even if it cost you your grades.

just like you predicted, you did everything but what you were supposed to; spilled every sort of liquid there was all over each other's things, broke a few glasses, set two notebooks on fire, and burnt a hole in the table. you had stuck him to his chair, too, and lost a few house points as a result.

***

a sane person would have reached a certain point and stopped, pushing all of those stupid grudges aside. forgive and forget, that whole talk. hopelessly, your friends thought you would have got over it as you were growing older and that you would have chosen basic human decency over some hurt feelings and an insignificant competition no one gave a shit about. but no. you were not sane. you were ruthless, and you continued trying to make each other miserable like your lives depended on it. you hated lorenzo berkshire, and he hated you just as much. you were too naive and caught up in it all to realise that it'll come right back for you later.

it was like some sick obsession. from obvious sabotaging during classes whenever you got assigned to work together (followed by unsatisfactory results you blamed the other for) to throwing insults at each other in the corridors where everybody was set to hear you, you had checked every single one off.

you called him a useless arsehole on a daily basis. he called you an insufferable bitch every time he saw you. you had cursed out each other during lessons and done even worse things when nobody was looking. and if anyone did see you and try to get involved and call you names, it was bad news for them. you were each other's enemies to insult and demean and degrade and ruthlessly bully, nobody else's. only you were allowed to call him a cockroach, and only he was allowed to call you a snake. your relationship with lorenzo was nothing you could explain to somebody with a fully functioning brain, even if you tried.

one night in your fifth year, you had successfully snuck out in search of some sort encyclopaedia to help you out with your DADA assignment. none of the books which you were allowed to use did good enough of a job at making it easier, so you were hoping that the restricted section would have something better to offer - which it did. you couldn't recall the last time your trip to the library was that short.

to make things even better, you successfully avoided bumping into an annoying brunette who made your life oh so entertaining (unbearable). lorenzo wasn't anywhere to be seen. you smiled to yourself, feeling a sense of freedom at last. you were praying that the prick got bored of looming around the corridors all alone like a loser, waiting to terrorise you.

you began humming a tune you heard dean play on his old gramophone (one that got confiscated), and skipped around the corner to make your way to the grand staircase. mistake number one. you tripped over something, someone, but managed to stay on your feet as opposed to falling face-first onto the ground. you didn't even have to look back to know who it was.

"my, my, out rebelling again?" lorenzo leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, smirking in satisfaction when he noticed how you were grimacing. he stepped on one of the books you dropped, refusing to move when you tried to snatch it back.

"do you mind?" you spat, aggressively pulling it from under his foot. you straightened out your clothes and dusted yourself off before tucking the literature you had picked up under your arm.

"stealing?" he raised an eyebrow.

"borrowing." you corrected.

"without permission?" he tilted his head to the side in faux amusement, "i wonder what would happen if i alerted a professor about this."

"and you'd tell them what?" you scoffed, barely able to hold your laughter in, "that you saw me stealing while you were sneaking out to go for a casual wank?" what a fucking idiot. you rolled your eyes, turning away from him with the intention to walk away from the scene. you were not in the mood for his bullshit.

"yeah, yeah, run away like you always do." he uttered in disappointment, yawning. he knew exactly which buttons to push, and it wasn't surprising. you were familiar with each other's habits and emotions more than you'd like to admit. you stopped in your tracks. sighing, you set the books down onto the stone tiles, and spun around to face him once again.

"aguamenti." you cast the spell with an evil smile, and in a matter of seconds, a wave of water was shot straight in lorenzo's direction, leaving him soaking wet. he gasped out in shock; his clothes clung to his body. the water was unbearably cold, it was so fucking freezing, he could barely move. the commotion was noisy enough to alert filch and his beloved ms. norris, but those were the last of your worries. your felt rather fulfilled, that was what mattered.

"you asked for it." you shrugged, but did not turn your back on him just yet. that would have been the easiest way for him to attack, so you mistakenly waited, thinking he would strike for you. he dug his wand out of his pocket, and muttered a spell, "vermiculus."

you whipped your head in the direction in which he pointed his hand, realising what happened a second too late. he had turned your precious books into worms. you yelped in surprise and stepped away from the disgusting mess on the ground, your back bumping into his chest. you turned to face him and gave him a harsh push, backing him up into the wall and shoving your wand into his face.

"uncast it." you demanded. he laughed. how stupid did you have to be to even think that he'd listen to you, "no."

"berkshire." your words came out louder than expected. you wouldn't have been shocked if you saw a teacher coming around the corner to reprimand the both of you for looming around so late, but you didn't care.

"undo the damn spell." you repeated, just about ready to strangle him if you deemed it necessary.

"no." he pushed you away and took a hold of his own wand. he tried to disarm you, but failed miserabley. two could play at that game, then "stupif-"

"what's going on here?" filch's scratchy voice stopped you mid-spell. your head snapped towards him, and you instinctively stuck your wand inside of your clothes as if he hadn't already seen it. being too preoccupied by trying to come up with an explanation that you hadn't previously used to get yourself out of trouble, you had forgotten about the slimy creatures crawling on the floor. a worm wiggled towards you, too close for comfort, and you scrambled to get away, clumsily bumping into lorenzo once again. he gave you a somewhat gentle shove to get you away, and you kicked him in response, right in the shin.

"she tried to drown me." he explained with an irritated groan, rubbing the sore spot on his leg.

"he destroyed school property." you added dramatically, wishing to kick him one more time. filch's eyes trailed over to the filth beside your feet, and he made a face of disgust before instructing you both to follow him to dumbledore's office.

the whole ordeal ended with the books being safely returned to their spot on the shelves of the restricted section, a half-assed DADA assignment and the two of you getting put on bathroom cleaning duty for seven days straight (no magic allowed). it was probably the biggest mistake of dumbledore's life.

the bathrooms were not cleaned properly once. in fact, they'd only end up in conditions which were about ten times worse than their default ones. lorenzo was too busy spilling bucketfuls of water, dirty or clean, all over you to care whether he scrubbed the junk off every single sink there was (payback for the stunt you pulled on him in the corridor), and you were too busy hitting him with funny smelling toilet brushes (made sure you got all that rubbish into his hair, too) to polish the tiles and mirrors to perfection like you were told to do. it was disgusting and sickeningly entertaining at once. dumbledore considered punishing you with some other method, but gave up seeing what the boys' toilets looked like after night four. not even detention was able to come between the two of you. limits and common sense weren't either.

***

in your sixth year, the unimaginable happened. there wasn't a single soul who saw it coming, not even yourselves. maybe it was magic. maybe it was a sign from the universe. maybe some higher power did everybody justice. whatever it was, it sent your professors into a spiral. their shitty damage control was finally paying off, as cruel as it turned out to be.

classes had become increasingly more difficult than they were in previous years. to follow, to manage, to keep track of, and everything in between. mcgonagall had pulled you outside twice, asking you what was wrong after she had noticed that you were falling behind. many of your peers were, actually, but nobody would have ever expected it from you. the results you'd achieve weren't always as perfect as they were in your first year, though you had never struggled to get past eighty points until then. it was singlehandedly the worst thing that could have ever happened to you. priorities were hard to sort out, so there was a noticeable decline in your performance. you were absolutely miserable, and it did not get better, only worse. so bad that you had forgotten that you had a certain slytherin to compete with.

it was the day before halloween night, lessons had come to an end. your friends scattered around different places – some to the great hall, some to hogsmeade, some headed straight to bed, all intending to clear their minds after a stressful week of difficult assignments and dreadfully challenging essays. nearly every student left the transfiguration classroom with a relieved smile, happy that even their low scores ensured them a pass. hermione got a ridiculous amount of praise for her outstanding results, and even an encouraging pat on the back from mcgonagall.

so, a wonderful end of october for everybody but yourself. your expectations weren't high when you handed your toughest essay in. you thought you'd get sixty points at best. not hoping for much, yet still trying to ignore the worst possible outcome - one that was bound to get you someday like proper karma. but that wouldn't actually happen, would it? there was no way. it was impossible. you felt like a bloody idiot.

you failed. you fucking failed. for the first time in your life. and it was much more humiliating than you had imagined. you were so upset with yourself that you hadn't even bothered to pester lorenzo about his results, and strangely, he hadn't approached you either. no glances, no death glares, no hushed insults. not during the lesson, not after.

you left the transfiguration classroom trying your hardest not to cry, ignoring all of your friends and wishing to get out of the castle as soon as possible. you needed to be alone. you weren't looking for anybody's comfort, validation or their empty words of sympathy that would lose their meaning the moment you fixed the mess you were in. so you went to the black lake; where very little people preferred spending time, where you could be at peace with your own thoughts, and where you could catch a much needed break, even if it was only for a little while.

you slumped down onto the grass with a thump, bringing your knees up to your chest and letting your tears fall. you failed. for merlin's sake, you failed. it was like everything you had ever known was suddenly gone. you weren't even worried about what your parents or professors would say. truthfully, you couldn't give less of a damn. you were so disappointed that you had blocked out everything and everyone else, or whatever stupid opinion and solutions they might have had to offer. everyone, except for lorenzo and that dumb game you two were, for an even dumber reason, still playing. he must have been oh so happy to hear about your failure. he'd never let you live it down, you knew it.

"l/n?" speak of the fucking devil. he always had fantastic timing.

"get out of my sight before i throw you into the lake." you spat, wiping your tear-stained face with your sleeve, not looking at him.

"shiver me timbers." he sang, not feeling threatened at all.

"berkshire." you warned, turning your head towards him and meeting his gaze. you shouldn't have moved. worry flashed through his face for a brief moment when he caught a glimpse your puffy eyes, and he pressed his lips together, guilty. could he actually bring himself to pester you while you were in such a terrible condition? no, he couldn't, regardless of the resentment he felt towards you.

he cleared his throat and took a step closer. you sighed, staring back at the landscape spread out in front of you without uttering a word, "what happened?" he questioned hesitantly.

"nothing that concerns you." you attempted to shut him down. he raised both of his eyebrows, a little amused, "someone upset my favourite rival," he scoffed, "of course it concerns me."

you rolled your eyes, "just leave, will you?" but did you really want him to? your voice shook as you spoke. you despised the part of you that was wishing for him to stay. you wanted to be alone more than anything, but you knew you'd break down again if he listened to your plea and left you there. you'd take his overused insults over failure any day.

"not until you tell me what happened." your jaw clenched, and you muttered a quiet curse, knowing that he most likely wouldn't let up. as if that one would miss out on an opportunity to annoy you. he settled down in the grass, right next to you, waiting.

you sat in silence for what felt like forever. he didn't push you to speak again, and you were pretty reluctant to say a single thing. not even calling him names seemed tempting. you sighed for the nth time, starting to tear up again, "i got my essay back with thirty points." you sniffled, silently preparing yourself to get made fun of.

"fuck," you heard him mumble, and he scratched his head shortly before speaking, "if it makes you feel better, i got twenty eight." getting on your nerves was always in his best interest. although, having to see you so seriously upset was not on his bucket list, not anymore. you stared at him in shock, frowning, "what?"

he nodded. the look on his face was so sullen that you were starting to believe him, "are you not taking the piss?"

he snorted, "i wish i was," he avoided your gaze, "i, uh," he pursed his lips in thought, letting out a breath of frustration, "i was convinced i'd do well even if i started last minute... without research, but uh, guess i was wrong." you hummed, doubtful.

"why are you telling me all this?" you shook your head and trailed your eyes back to the lake, finding it rather difficult to believe that he was being so... nice. it was your first normal conversation and you had no clue what to make of it.

"who else am i supposed to tell it to?" he responded, annoyed. you bit the inside of your cheek, just as irritated, picking up a pebble. you examined it shortly before throwing it into the water.

lorenzo watched you curiously, having very little to say, which was terribly weird in itself. lorenzo berkshire not having a single unnecessary, offending comment to offer? your failures had truly taken a toll on you, completely.

"i can't believe we both fell off." you said in wonder, throwing another rock below the surface.

"right," he agreed, without an urge to backtalk, "fucking hell, i've no reason to hate you now." he blurted out, horrified by his own words.

"fantastic, now i suck at that too." you let out a dry, emotionless chuckle. you weren't crying anymore, just silently fuming at lorenzo for being the one to stop it without even properly trying.

"you suck at everything." he corrected.

"i take after you." you retorted nonchalantly.

"dumbass." he bit back a smile.

"dickhead." you were struggling just as hard. holding in your laughter was never more challenging, but you were determined not to break character.

you found yourselves in an eerily comfortable silence. by the looks of it, things would be alright. knowing that he messed up too somehow put you at ease. not even because you were happy to him fail, but more at the thought that it just happened to be at the same time as you. you found a certain dose of comfort in it. it was written in the stars, as it seemed.

"get lost now." you broke the bubble you found yourselves in. it was about time you got back on track. there was no way you'd get all friendly and gushy with him, even after whatever that was.

"alright, alright." he stood up, groaning as he did so. he dusted off the pieces of grass that got stuck to his trousers.

he stared back at the lake shortly, waiting to see if you'd say anything else he could offer a witty response to. he was a bit sad when you didn't, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers, sighing, "well, i shall see you-"

"never." you finished that for him.

"perfect." he added, turning on his heel and heading towards the castle. you allowed yourself to glimpse at him one last time, simply not being able to let him have the last word.

"you've got some on your arse." you were talking about the remainder of the grass that was stuck to his clothing. he stopped to clean it up, and then flipped you off wordlessly.

you thought that was the last of your civilised interactions. there was no reason for you to bore your mind with it. you happened to fall behind at the same time and it gave you a decent bonding moment, but it was nothing more than that. just two people who claimed they didn't like one another very much talking properly for once. nothing, it was nothing. simple as that. so you weren't able to pinpoint why you kept looking back on it nearly every day, or why you felt so guilty for calling him stupid and useless, or why making fun of him for getting a lower score than you wasn't rewarding anymore, or why competing so fiercly was no longer satisfactory. and why he too, happened to feel just the same. maybe you had grown out of it.

you blamed it on the stress. you did have lots of different things occupying your mind anyway - such as your major arithmancy exam that you decided to pull an all nighter for.

for the first time in a while, you stayed inside the library past closing hours. madam pince wasn't too happy about it, but she liked you enough to let you crash there and warned filch not to throw you outside if he happened to notice you during his nightly patrol. the woman had some interesting tactics up her sleeve, none of which you ever questioned.

you swore, probably for the tenth time in the past two minutes, crumpling up yet another piece of parchment. you had to start over a ridiculous amount of times. the pile of rubbish on the floor was growing larger by the second. ripped up paper, bottles of ink, broken feathers, it was definitely a sight. there was no way you were getting through all of that on your own. and oh how that angered you. you rarely ever needed assistance with anything, but this was just a little bit above your level. that enraged you even more. a helping hand was starting to sound promising.

"you're still here?" you didn't even flinch, knowing all too well who that voice belonged to. did god or the devil just answer your prayers? you never got past your little habits of leaving the dormitories to do whatever there was to be done around the castle almost every night, so there he went, running into you again. lorenzo peeked out from behind the bookshelves in front of you, smiling like a little kid who was just about to do something egregiously silly. you couldn't not grin back, despite being angry.

"you're still here?" you repeated his question, crossing your arms.

"i asked first." he moved towards your desk, pulling out an empty chair and settling there next to you without even asking if you wanted him there. weird, that one.

"alright, and?" you teased further. he bumped your shoulder with his own. he wanted something. punching him suddenly sounded like a fine option. he looked over your arm to examine your notes.

"arithmancy?" he glared at you, kind of bemused. it was another subject he was that awfully good at, unlike you. you weren't terrible, but not exactly the best either. an infuriating thing.

"my favourite." you responded sarcastically, throwing your quill across the table. he hummed, sitting back in his chair, but not taking his eyes off of you. he definitely wanted something.

"what?" you could sense it already. he was gonna mock you again.

"do you need help with that, perhaps?" or maybe not. you looked at him, skeptical.

"from you?" you raised an eyebrow.

"well, i mean, yeah." he shifted in his spot, as if he was anxious. you did a double take, and then burst out laughing, wiping away a non-existent tear. he was just too damn funny. him helping you? that was a good one. you carried on with that little performance of yours for the next minute until it hit you that he wasn't joking.

"are you serious?" you asked, just to confirm. there was absolutely no chance.

"look, i can leave-" he stood up, "no," you grabbed a fistful of his sweater and pulled him back down. he yelped, startled, "what's your deal?" you weren't letting him get away with that so easily.

"what do you mean?" he was geniuenly confused.

"don't play fucking dumb," you jabbed a finger into his chest, "why are you being so kind to me all of a sudden?"

he laughed uncomfortably, scratching the nape of his neck, "well, i thought, you know, since it seems like we're no longer on about hating each other, that-"

"oh." you interrupted him, chuckling in disbelief. you shook your head, rubbing your temples in frustration and then letting your arms fall to your sides, "look, berkshire, just because i'm not trying to kill you anymore doesn't mean i want to be friends."

"what!? for fuck's sake, you're impossible." he stood up once more, this time darting out of your reach.

"here we go again." you rolled your eyes. you just couldn't interact without quarreling, could you? he paced around inbetween the bookshelves before returning to your table, "you're not exactly giving me any reasons to be nice right now."

"i never asked of you to be nice." you argued.

"you could appreciate me trying." he retorted. you had no idea what on earth he was trying to achieve. you could only think of so many explanations, "why? so that you could gain my trust and then stab me in the back when it's convenient for you?"

"that's what this is about?" he muttered something under his breath, "i thought we were past that rubbish."

you wanted to laugh hysterically, "okay, we may have pushed the resentment aside, but you can't exactly expect me to trust you."

he understood that, unbeknownst to you, "i never said that you needed to trust me," he sighed, leaning over the table, "listen, i offered to help you because i can see you're struggling. i'm not here to sabotage you if that's what you're worried about. i'd be wasting my time." he straightened his posture, standing there with his arms crossed.

"because i'm already terrible enough and don't need anyone's interference to properly fuck up, right?" you were prepared to tell him to bugger off if he refused to give you the answer you were looking for, furious at him and yourself.

he paused, hesitant. you were so fucking stubborn, and he loved you for it, "correct." alright then.

you picked up your quill, "sit down."

you got your exam back with a shocking score of eighty-nine, surpassing even hermione. not lorenzo, but you were second, and that was enough to have your ego flying right back through the roof.

i told you you could do it, he said, but not without me, he had to point out. you had to give him that. how could you not? he casually decided to save your life without you even asking for it. if it weren't for him, you most likely would have majorly fucked up on that exam. that's not saying that it wasn't difficult. he had no patience and you had even less, but you had somehow survived that night in the library without biting each other's heads off or getting into any additional fights. he even followed you back to your dorm, an offer he didn't allow you to refuse and one that you were too exhausted to complain about.

in the few weeks that followed, you decided that it was for the best that you block out whatever happened between you that night. christmas holidays were approaching, and you couldn't let that ruin your mood. lorenzo told you that mattheo said that it was a shift in the matrix. you had no idea what that meant, it sounded horrifyingly muggle, but you agreed for the sake of agreeing. a shift in the matrix, bloody nonsense. a coincidence, you called it. an accident, even. an accident that helped you out tremendously and made you reconsider lorenzo on nights when you couldn't sleep, but still an accident. 

who were you kidding? something had definitely changed. other students started noticing it too.

you had gradually become somewhat friendly rivals who'd rub their own success into each other's faces for the laughs till they got threatened with a jinx or tickled to death. some occasional name calling too, just not as intense. but you weren't friends. nothing near it. you had done a pretty good job at convincing yourself you never would be. treating him a little better than usual was the farthest you'd go trying to mend all those years of jealousy and grudges. that was what you started living by, pushing away that strange tingling sensation that would coarse through you every time his hands happened to brush against yours when you walked side by side.

it is exactly why you almost spilled acidic liquid all over the table and burnt a hole in it again when he sat next to you during potions one fine afternoon.

snape was visibly mortified by the sight, partially because of that incident from two years prior (when you almost set the entire classroom on fire), and partially because he couldn't believe that mcgonagall was actually onto something when she purposefully failed you both. it would go down in history as one of the most ridiculous moments of his career. he sent a warning glare your way before beginning the lesson.

"excuse you?" you whispered once professor snape finally turned his back to the class, raising both of your eyebrows in question. was lorenzo asking to get violated?

"harry took my seat." he pointed towards the table where he usually sat. and shockingly enough, there was harry, sitting next to draco, for whatever sick and twisted reason. you gaped at them, then at lorenzo. not looking into that deeper was maybe for the better.

okay then. you didn't respond, trying to get into taking some notes like you were previously instructed. that would have been easy (it was for the first quarter of the lesson), if lorenzo's presence wasn't keeping you so alert, stopping you from focusing on what you deemed more important, "merlin, can you breathe a little quieter?" you snapped.

he purposely inhaled louder than he normally would, grinning proudly when your eyes rolled back into your brain. you kicked him under the table. he yelped, but oddly, covered it up with a cough. you glared at him, doubtful. that was not the reaction you were expecting to get.

you resumed trying to copy the crucial bits from the chapter snape assigned you all to analyse, very poorly. it was kind of impossible. you weren't used to having lorenzo sit so close to you for such an extended amount of time. ignoring him was unimaginably hard. your notes had never looked worse. words missing, constant mistakes, sensless scribbles. you reached for a new pot of ink after seeing that you had run out, and then felt his finger poke at your side.

you flinched, catching a glimpse of your professor who's head was still buried in the pile of assignments he needed to grade. he hadn't noticed you. good. but then lorenzo did it again, right where you were most ticklish, because he knew. you swatted his hand away, not missing the way he smiled to himself. little shit.

you reached to poke him too, and when you tried to pull away, he took a hold of your wrist, not letting go. he had a lot of good defense tactics up his sleeve. you didn't try to yank your arm out of his grip instantly, which was the perfect opportunity for him to tickle at your side with his free hand. this time, you held back a startled giggle, kicking him under the table one more time. he snorted, resuming his little game.

you were both sweating trying not to make too much noise, but neither of you was letting up, not letting the other have the satisfaction of winning. he eventually moved his chair closer to yours with the excuse to tickle you more effectively. your legs were touching under the table, but only because it was easier for you to kick him that way. it went on for at least fifteen minutes, until snape finally lifted his head, his eyes on the class. you separated, thinking you were being slick about it, when it was the least fitting explanation for what had been going on. the two of you had your lips pressed together, trying not to laugh. your professor could only sigh in response. at least you didn't set anything ablaze.

hermione tucked her arm under yours in the hallway when your lesson ended, grinning mischevously, "would you like to tell me what happened just now?" 

you scoffed, rolling your eyes playfully, "huh? i don't know what you're on about." you played dumb, despite knowing exactly what she was getting at. and you had no idea why. it's not like you had anything to hide.

"i think you do." she pushed. there was not a chance for you to get out of that conversation.

"really? i truly don't." you still tried, though. acting foolish was your only escape route.

"y/n." she dragged out, laughing and pulling you along with her. potions were your final lesson of the day, so you were already able to picture her desperate attempts to pull some information out of you all the way until bedtime.

"what? we were just fighting." you finally gave in. you knew you would have to eventually, but you loved your free time a little too much to let her annoying interrogation tactics drag on for so long.

"so you do know what i'm on about." she teased, scarily invested.

"what else could you possibly be on about?" you snapped, pushing away that uncomfortable feeling that settled in your chest. you had no reason not to tell her anything, so you couldn't pinpoint why you were feeling so guilty all of a sudden.

"the way you two sat closer together than every couple in our year?" she exclaimed, astonished by how shamelessly you were avoiding the subject.

you gasped, feeling a bit offended, or maybe called out. you couldn't tell which one it was, "that is not what happened." that was an overexaggaration if you ever heard one. was she out of her bloody mind? sometimes you thought that she enjoyed setting you off as much as lorenzo did.

you stepped through the portrait hole with the rest of your housemates, pushing through the crowd to get your dormitories faster. you wanted a nice shower, some peace and quiet for reading, and then decent sleep. it was that simple. you survived the walk through the common room without anyone asking additional invasive questions, immediately heading for the toilet once you arrived to your dorm.

you really needed that shower. it made you feel whole again. you stepped out after putting some comfortable clothes on, skipping over to your bed and then cursing out loud when you realised what was on it. amongst your own, there was lorenzo's fucking book. you had accidentally taken it when you scrambled to collect your things once class ended.

you could have just given it to him tomorrow, or not given it back at all. like he'd know who took it. it was incredibly tempting, but it also felt unnecessarily mean. what if he needed it to study that night? you brushed it off, not like it was your problem anyway. you sat down onto the mattress, picking up a novel from your nightstand and throwing the other books straight to the carpet so you could comfortably settle on your bed. you then put it back. you didn't feel like reading anymore. you laid there, thinking. peace was never an option in your world.

you groaned, snatching his book up from the floor and venturing back into the common room. you hadn't bothered to explain yourself to anybody, and you continued trotting over to the dungeons with a neutral expression on your face (neutral as in i am very much internally raging and if anybody tries to talk to me i might use the imperius curse on them). very useless it was, that relaxing shower of yours.

none of the slytherins lounging on the sofa questioned you, your appearance was pretty telling. good thing you ran into mattheo on the way there. getting in wouldn't have been so easy otherwise. you disappeared in the direction of their dormitories, stopping right in front of lorenzo's door. you swallowed harshly, begenning to get nervous. something was wrong with you.

you hesitated before knocking, tapping your foot against the ground furiously as you waited. "one second!" lorenzo yelled from the other side. it sounded like something had fallen over. the noise was followed by a few curse words and some shuffling before the door opened.

much to your dismay, you were met with a bare chested lorenzo, wearing nothing but a pair of trousers which loosely hung around his hips. his hair was wet, and his cheeks were a tinted with a light shade of pink. he had stepped out of the shower merely three minutes before you showed up. you inhaled sharply, swallowing the sound of surprise that almost escaped you and feeling your face heat up. his eyes went wide, given that he was taken aback much like yourself. you were the last person he was expecting to find on the other side of the door.

"hi." he greeted awkwardly, pulling his trousers up a bit as if it would help. you opened your mouth to speak, then closed it. opened it, before closing it again. you were pretty sure you resembled a damn fish. whatever was happening to you, you did not like it one bit.

"i- you- we- ithinkthisisyours." you finally spluttered, slamming the book into his chest. his hand touched yours momentarily when he grabbed it so that it wouldn't drop onto your feet. you felt lightheaded.

lorenzo was kind of freaking out, but only kind of, not even bothering to look at what you had given him at first. he was a little too busy staring at your blushing face, wondering what the hell was going on and why his heart was in his throat all of a sudden, "are you alright?" he queried, concerned.

"i am perfectly fine." that was a lie. 

"ah," he nodded, then eyed the piece of literature in his hands shortly as he slowly figured what it was, "oh! thank you."

you laughed in misery, "okay!" before shutting the door in your own face. you tripped and almost fell down the stairs as you ran, still flushed and your heart beating in a way that you found a little too unusual to push away.

you received a few judgemental glares from the students you had run past. the question marks were practically visible above their heads. you were too busy going hysterical to sneer at them for staring. you burst through the door of your dorm, breathless and blushing, "what the fuck?"

somewhere back inside the dungeons, a confused lorenzo turned to face his friends, still holding the book you had given to him. he had no idea what on earth happened, or why you reacted the way you did, or why he, deep down, found it more adorable than he'd like to admit. he groaned, falling face-first onto his bed. what the fuck, indeed. christmas holidays never looked more promising.

and oh how you regretted waiting for them with so much anticipation. you were supposed to get a break. from books, assignments, essays, whatever lorenzo was doing to you. hogwarts was supposed to be all yours. you weren't heading home that year. it was your parents' twentieth anniversary, so there was no point in going back, considering that you wouldn't see them (you didn't exactly have friends in your hometown either). they'd be having the time of their lives in the alps, and you'd be regretting every decision you had made up until that point.

not only because you were already bored out of your mind waiting for your friends to return, but because you saw lorenzo sitting at the slytherin table when you walked into the great hall on christmas eve. the image of him opening the door two weeks prior flashed through your mind. it happened often, in the most inconvenient situations too. you were hoping you didn't look too flushed.

"what are you doing here?" he questioned in amusement once you trotted over to him, an equally puzzled expression on your face. "i could ask you the same thing." 

"all in good time." he cleared his throat, awkward. it was weird, but you didn't think much of it just yet. instead you sighed, taking a quick look around, and then speaking, "my parents ditched me for a skiing trip."

he snorted, motioning over to the very empty seat beside him. you sat down, no thoughts behind it. he was the only person among the ones who stayed for the holidays who you knew enough to hold a conversation, so it's not like you had better options. besides, that was your chance to see if there was more to his sudden change in behaviour. you were unnerved at the idea of even having the desire to do such a thing.

"what's your excuse?" you reached over his arm to grab a piece of toast, as well as some jam and chocolate spread.

"parents as well." you didn't miss the way he shifted uncomfortably. you put down your knife and propped your arms on the table, eyeing him expectantly. he held back shortly, and you couldn't blame him. who were you to think that he'd trust you with a possible family issue?

"i was told that i'm a disappointment and i'm not allowed home until i get my grades in tact." he stabbed the bacon in his plate aggressively, not looking at you. your jaw dropped in shock.

"in tact?" you uttered in disbelief. it was practically common knowledge that lorenzo exceeded you in a lot of subjects, a little more than half of them actually, so in your mind, this shouldn't have even been a problem. he was one of the top students. everybody knew that. your parents expected you to do well too, but they weren't that pushy or strict. yeah, receiving a howler for momentarily falling behind in october was aggravating, but nothing that you couldn't bear. lorenzo's, however, were crossing a line.

he hummed, picking at his food, "don't say anything." he sighed, it almost sounded like a plea. he couldn't just ask you for comfort, or ask of you to understand. faux sympathy was the last thing he needed.

"no, it's just–" you chewed on the inside of your cheek and picked up your knife again, spreading some jam over the piece of toast you grabbed previously, "you're not a disappointment, that's bullshit." you bit into the crunchy bread, chewing it slowly, a sour expression on your face. lorenzo went a bit red, stumbling over his words before getting out a clumsy i know, followed by a hesitant thanks anyway. 

you said nothing for the remaining few minutes of breakfast, just eating in silence while other students chatted in background. when you were exiting the great hall together to return to your respective dorms, you made eye contact with mcgonagall for a brief moment. she offered you a proud smile, yet with a hint of mischief behind it. you had never been more confused.

you spent the first half of christmas day alone in the gryffindor common room, reading some trashy muggle romance novel you found under hermione's bed a couple of nights before. it was one of the worst books you had ever picked up, but there was something so annoyingly addicting about it that you just couldn't give it up. it left you feeling empty and lonely, and with a strong desire to fling yourself straight into the depths of the black lake.

"christ, l/n, why do you look so sullen?" you shut your eyes, exhaling through your nose. just what you needed. you weren't even gonna question lorenzo was doing there. you had a clue.

"you don't wanna know." you tossed the book across the room, internally celebrating when he decided not to investigate further.

he made a face, "merry christmas?"

"likewise." you replied blandly. when you didn't tell him to get lost, he jumped onto the sofa, getting comfortable next to you. he didn't look all too happy either.

you sat there for good twenty minutes, staring at the fire like your entire worlds were crumbling in front of your eyes. it didn't occur to the either of you how awful it would feel to spend christmas all alone for the first time. no presents, no childhood foods, no hugs from mum in the morning. you even missed your spoiled cousins who would nag you to play with them each time you visited their house on boxing day.

it fucking sucked, but god, at least lorenzo was there. you'd push aside everything that happened between you in the previous years just for a twinge of affection. something came over you, and you lowered your head onto his shoulder, almost sighing in relief when he didn't shove you away. he scooted closer and rested his head on top of yours, not speaking.

from that moment onward, you saw each other every day. he'd show up at your dorm at random moments and you'd show up at his at even worse ones. you'd take walks in the snow together and come back with soaking wet clothes and red noses. you'd smoke in the courtyard before bed after making sure the coast was clear. you'd go to hogsmeade and fight over who was gonna pay for the butterbeer until you came up with a nonsensical compromise. you'd sneak out at night to steal books from the restricted section of the library and then read them under covers in the slytherin dorms. you'd sometimes fall asleep next to each other and then act like nothing happened in the morning.

***

you expected it all to fade to nothing once everybody else came back to hogwarts, but then it didn't. you still took walks in the snow and argued over butterbeer and snuck out after midnight (and had to clean several toilets after getting caught almost every time). he still helped you with arithmancy without asking for anything in return, and you'd sometimes kiss him on the cheek if you were in a good mood. you thrived off of the expressions that would paint his face whenever you did that.

but with the return of other students also came whispers and rumours, following you around like shadows. you ignored them tactfully, not wanting to give anybody the satisfaction of confirming that their silly theories may have been right all along. especially not hermione. she wouldn't let you forget that until you perished. she'd probably leave a note on your grave too, so you'd have that humiliating reminder haunting you in the afterlife.

"i thought you two hated each other." mattheo deadpanned one evening after lorenzo had brought you to the slytherin common room, straight into the damn snake pit. you were squashed together on the sofa, a large book splayed open across your laps, not getting read. it was one of the stolen ones. all of his friends were there, watching you like hawks.

"we do." you responded nonchalantly, taking the cigarette that lorenzo handed you. you took a long drag before putting it back between his lips.

"then why do you spend so much time together?" draco was very obviously judging you. he of all people should have understood. lorenzo rolled his eyes.

"you are in no place to talk, mister i hate potter but snog him in my off time." blaise took your side, bless his soul, and tossed theodore's shoe in his direction. shutting draco up was easier than you would have thought.

"no, but why?" mattheo repeated draco's question, propping his chin up into his palm and observing you curiously.

"maybe, they're– wait, what do you call that?" theodore leaned into pansy, hoping she had an answer.

"masochists?" she replied casually and lit a cigarette herself.

you choked on your spit. lorenzo almost burnt a hole in the sofa. but then pansy brushed her friend off, staring at the two of you with a mischievous grin, "not really, i think they're just bad liars."

and she was so bloody right. hate was the last thing that could be used to describe your relationship. third year you's biggest nightmare was a better label for it, given that you couldn't even be in the same room as him without trying to turn him into something nasty.

present day you was having a difficult time stopping herself from trying to kiss him whenever he was in her presence. it was that fucking frustrating. you couldn't believe yourself. lorenzo was facing the same struggles, and you couldn't tell if he was worsening or subduing the tension by randomly touching you. not like you minded, you were loving it all and stopped bothering with trying to hide it from him. your ego may have been large, but your crush on him ended up being bigger.

potions class was usually the height of it all, although it wasn't the only period during which you got to sit next to your favourite rival. mcgonagall was was thriving, unlike snape, who simply could not get used to the positive energy surrounding you, or the way you were together each time he crossed your paths. seeing pure fear flash through his eyes at the beginning of every class was hilarious.

when lorenzo arrived, you felt yourself starting to smile and tried to push it away with the most unsettling thoughts you could muster. it did nothing. he sat down with a dramatic groan, and immediately started ranting about some minor issue he had run into that morning. he did that a lot. this time it was about his favourite pair of socks going missing. you sucked in practically everything he said, chuckled at the random curses, noticed every breath of frustration he released as he was rummaging through his bag. you didn't realise you were staring. lorenzo did, but he didn't comment on it. he liked when you were looking at him.

you failed to regsiter that the lesson officially began, but not much was happening, really. snape was telling you about felix felicis and how insanely difficult it was to make, while you were required to write down the most useful bits of the information he was giving out. when he finally sat down after assigning you to read an overly long passage, lorenzo shifted closer to you. you eyed him, puzzled.

"would you kill me if i asked you for a favour?" you focused half of your attention on the writing, half on him.

"depends what the favour is." you shrugged. he put his arm over the text to prevent you from reading. he wanted you to look at him. he had always wanted you to look at him. from the very moment your fued set off, it was one of those little annoying things that made your hatred for him stronger. not anymore, but it was still infuriating in its own way. you gave him your full attention. he may have seen some sparks fly. you had each other wrapped around your little fingers without even realising it.

he shifted even closer to you so that you could hear him better, considering that he had to whisper, "can you come to hogsmeade with me today?" his breath fanned over your ear as he spoke. you didn't respond, so he continued, "none of my friends want to and it would be stupid if i went alone. you do kind of owe me." ah, yes. for that time he saved you from detention after slughorn caught you two smoking in the astronomy tower. you shot him with an annoyed look. you both knew it was exaggerated and what your answer would be, yet you still played around with it. that's the way things went. he smirked. bitch.

"fine." he was so smug about it, you could choke him and snog him at the same time. he got his arm away from your textbook, but didn't retrieve his chair. you were squeezed next to one another despite having more than enough space. your arms were touching, and so were your legs beneath the table. you moved not a muscle, and neither did he. you had grown to like having him sit so close to you. it made you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, helping you ignore the freezing winter air and the thick layer of snow covering the ground outside.

you met him in the courtyard after a quick change of clothing following the end of your classes for that week. when hermione asked you where you were heading and why you won't be staying in the common room with the rest of your friends, you told a half truth. that you were heading to hogsmeade, but then bolted out the door before she was able to ask with whom. she would guess either way.

"i forgot to ask you why we were doing this in the first place." you spoke as you left the school grounds, your hands shoved into your pockets and your face hidden inside of your fluffy scarf. you were a little cold. lorenzo was too, his nose was already going red. it was an adorable sight to see, but you weren't dumb enough to say that out loud.

"i wanna pick up a few poetry books." you bit your tongue, trying not to laugh at him.

"didn't know you could read." you snickered, it was stronger than you.

"you're so original," he mocked, "they're not for me. pansy's birthday's coming up so i figured i should get her something."

"oh." the disappointment in your tone was obvious.

all of your willingness to go with him left you in an instant. his presence was more irritating than ever. he furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you chew on the inside of your cheek, wondering if he said something wrong. again... or not. lorenzo was smarter than that.

"what, are you jealous?" he nudged you, teasing. yes. you hated yourself just a tiny bit for that, "no," you scoffed, "in your dreams, berkshire."

"we both know you can't fool me." he kept the act going. you gave him a shove, making him stumble. he almost tripped and fell in a pile of snow. it was very funny. he tried to get back at you, but you slipped out of his reach, laughing when he began chasing you.

spending time with him was like a getaway from all the things that drove you mad, even though he sometimes excelled at that. he became a friend you didn't know you needed and a friend you were pretty sure you were catching some major feelings for.

you entered the bookstore as your unplanned snowball fight came to an end, its warmth immediately engulfing you. after being in the cold for longer than intended, it was just what you desired. you stuck with lorenzo for the first few minutes, helping him out and leading him away from the large isle of erotic novels he accidentally found himself in. people were looking at you weird, especially your schoolmates, so you stepped away from the crowded bits of the shop and decided to check out different sections.

a certain book had caught your eye – its contents intrigued you, but the price did something opposite. you put it back on the shelf without second guessing yourself. you hadn't brought any money with you. you continued roaming through the different isles, browsing through various books while you waited for lorenzo to finish. you lost sight of him for a few minutes, too busy debating whether to make him come back with you here some other time so you could purchase whatever your heart desired.

for the time being, you'd have to leave the shop with empty hands. lorenzo was luckier and ended up getting five poetry books which all seemed to be written by the same author, except for one. he handed you the odd one out. you opened your mouth, ready to complain about your fingers being cold and not wanting to carry it. slowly, you realised what it was. your jaw dropped a little.

he had seen you looking at it ever so longingly when he went to check up on you after realising you had gone off on your own. he picked it up without hesitation. you were too stunned to thank him, too stunned to say anything, for the matter. but he wasn't exactly expecting a thank you. he was just happy that you liked it, grinning when you blushed and struggled to keep it cool.

"you shouldn't have done that." you chastised. those were the only words you could muster. he rolled his eyes, "deal with it."

you punched his shoulder. he didn't even flinch, "you're welcome."

when he threatened to ruin your life when you were twelve years old, this wasn't how you thought it would happen.

"i'm gonna kill you." you weren't exactly addressing him, more like talking to yourself.

"you're still on about that?" he huffed, pretending to be bored.

"lorenzo!" you groaned, he chuckled, "i love you too." your eyes almost popped out of their sockets. his weird confession seemed unserious, but your heart still fluttered. little did you know that he wasn't as oblivious as you imagined.

he was positively glowing at the reactions he was getting from you. his tiny year five crush on you had blossomed into something stronger after that moment at the lake a couple of months prior, and at last, the possibility of you feeling the same wasn't looking so small. if only you saw through his actions. all those offers of help, and his complete dismissal of your rivarly, and his clinginess, and how he stuck to you like glue whenever he got the opportunity.

your walk back to the castle surprisingly wasn't silent. you were chatting quietly, snickering amongst yourselves. your shoulders brushed occasionally, and so did your hands, and you thought your heart might burst. you shivered as the wind got stronger, pressing yourself a little closer to him.

"you okay?"

"huh?" you didn't register what he said at first, "oh, yes. just a little cold, that's all." you explained, not taking your eyes away from the pathway you were pacing across.

"let's hurry up, then." he took a hold of your hand, swiftly leading you back to the castle. you were so, royally fucked. you clutched onto the poetry book tightly, focused on regulating your breathing. your entire face was on fire, your breaths ragged, heart beating rapidly against your ribcage.

four days later, you caught a terrible cold after accidentally falling asleep by the window while you were reading. hermione said that she expected better from you. she was fantastic help. you were pretty sure you were dying. your limbs hurt. your head was throbbing. your sinuses were clogged. your throat felt like someone had stuck a knife into it. but did you skip any lessons because of it or at least visit madam pomfrey to see if she could do anything? no, you weren't that helpless. you'd deal with it on your own.

or try to, at least. you stumbled into class resembling a zombie, eager to sit down and hopefully not do much work for the day. you placed your arms on the desk, laying your head into them and shutting your eyes. you opened them only a few seconds later when lorenzo shifted next to you. you were met with his worried face, just a couple of centimeters away from yours. when you didn't budge, he touched your cheek with the back of his hand, frowning.

"you're burning up." he kept his voice down, but his tone was giving away the fact that your state concerned him greatly. you waved a dismissive hand, closing your eyes again. he poked you to make you look at him.

"have you went to madam pomfrey?" he questioned. you shook your head. if looks could kill, his probably would have.

"i'll go later." you reassured him poorly, just to get him to stop. the last thing you needed was getting all flustered and emotional because he was showing more interest in taking care of you than anybody else in your circle of friends.

"your later usually means never," he was right. you hated that. you grunted, hiding your reddening face. that was both from the fever and from him, "hey." he threw his arm around you when he didn't get a resonse. you leaned into his touch faster than you thought you would, just searching for any sort of warmth there was.

other students were giggling, but he couldn't care less, "y/n."

you lifted your head again, and then allowed it to fall against his shoulder. mcgonagall stepped through the classroom door shortly after that, her mouth dropping a little when she saw the position you were in. she was gonna scold you for displaying your affection so publicly, but lorenzo quickly explained the situation, and before you were able to protest, she shooed the both of you outside.

he immediately intertwined your fingers, walking at a slower pace than usual, not wanting to tire you more. as annoyed as that made you, you didn't pull your hand away, and instead kept your body close to his. he was muttering something, scolding you for being so dismissive and not getting this fixed right away. you were too exhausted to argue, but he was right anyway.

you inhaled sharply as your headache increased in intensity, latching onto his arm and stopping in your tracks. you shut you eyes, thinking it would help and ease it a bit. you felt him move to stand in front of you. his forehead fell against yours and his hands cupped your cheeks gently. you held onto him, taking a few deep breaths through your nose. his thumbs grazed over your skin ever so slightly, as if that his was his way of trying to soothe you.

eventually, your eyes fluttered open, but neither of you let the other go. lorenzo broke the silence between you, "you're so bloody stubborn."

"you're one to talk." you chuckled dryly, hugging him a bit tighter. he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, waiting for you to give him a sign that you were ready to walk again. when you nodded, he took your hand again, leading you to the hospital wing.

madam pomfrey had you going back to normal with a simple flick of her wand after a tiny scolding, and then she pinched lorenzo's cheek and called him a "good boy" for being so caring. the unexpected praise had his eyes going wide and he was blushing madly – you were never gonna let him forget that one.

she instructed you to come back if the cold returned, but she was addressing lorenzo more than she was you. a smart move on her part, the older woman knew you and your headstrong ways well enough. she ushered you out only after she made sure were in perfect shape to head back to class, though you couldn't do it without rubbing her comment into lorenzo face until he turned completely red again. he had to tickle you to get you to stop and you caused a bit of a commotion in the silent corridors, but that didn't matter. you returned to the transfiguration classroom with your pinkies intertwined, all eyes on you. you two really needed to talk.

and what are the odds of him being caring enough to check up on you later that day. he knew he wouldn't find you in your dorm, or the common room, or the library, or the astronomy tower. instead, he headed to the only other place on his mind, where the two of you often hung out on nights when neither of you could sleep.

you were sat on one of the stone walls in the courtyard, a cigarette in your hand, kind of forgotten. you hadn't noticed that it was burning out, or the occasional ash landing on your clothes. your thoughts were going places, recalling the many events that occured during the past few months, and what on earth you were going to do about your feelings. you could hide them from your friends for some time, but not from lorenzo. you blew out a frustrated breath, pinching the bridge of your nose. being straightforward with that idiot was always easy. you never had trouble with telling him exactly what you meant. 

the fact that you were anxious about it now was the most maddening thing in the world.

"what a depressing sight." you flinched, whipping your head in lorenzo's direction almost instantly. you couldn't tell if that was luck or misfortune. you snorted, rolling your eyes and offering him the remainder of your cigarette. he gladly took it, joining you in silence.

"why are you here?" you questioned.

"came to check up on you." he replied.

"i can take care of myself just fine." you patted his back. he seemed unphased. of course he was, he knew he'd win that argument.

you glimpsed up at the sky shortly. it was snowing just a little bit. you turned to lorenzo, a pleading expression on your face, "walk with me?"

he nodded, tossing the cigarette butt into the snow. you left the school grounds once again knowing that you wouldn't make it back before curfew, but that wasn't something the either of you dwelled on very much. there were more important things to get worried about.

it was obvious that you kept dodging the subject, settling for talking about things so insignificant that you would probably tell somebody to shut up if they brought them up in conversation on a normal day. being ballsy wasn't your thing anymore, as it seemed.

as cowardly as you felt, the sore winner in you wasn't letting you back down. a long internal debate and a silent minute of self-deprecation was what it took to make you finally speak your mind... to an extent, "have you ever felt incredibly guilty about being wrong about someone?"

lorenzo stared at you as if you were insane. it was a little too early on in the conversation for him to start connecting the dots. his street-smarts were sometimes lacking.

"you sure your cold didn't come back?" he pressed his hand against your forehead. you let out a startled laugh, observing his questioning face.

"what?" you spluttered, shoving your hands further into your pockets. the skeptical look in his eyes was making you nervous.

"you're admitting that you were wrong about something?" he sounded unconvinced, but there was a hint of jest in his voice.

you bit your tongue, clearing your throat awkwardly, "yes." you breathed out. he nodded, a way to tell you to go on. he was definitely interested. you were beginning to suspect that he already knew what you were gonna say.

"i mean," you grunted, cursing quietly, "you know when you spend years convinced that somebody is an awful person and claiming you hate their guts but then end up realising that they aren't nearly as terrible as you thought when you get to know them properly?" you explained frustratedly, resisting the temptation to kick the snow piling at your feet.

his mouth fell open in surprise for a moment, but he quickly shut it, running a hand through his hair, "uh, yeah, actually." he uttered nervously, scanning your face for any sign of humour. but you weren't playing around, and certainly not lying. he had been around you enough to be able to tell when you were being truthful.

you gave him a brief nod, looking everywhere but at him. you barely noticed that your hands were shaking. you contined walking on, not saying a single thing. if he were to tell you that he could hear your heart beating, you wouldn't even have the time to act surprised.

"i have to tell you something." he stopped in his tracks, grabbing your elbow in order to make your steps halt. you faced him, looking down at your feet, waiting for him to drop the bomb. he chewed on his lip anxiously, running a hand through his hair.

"i, um," he was struggling, not exactly knowing how to begin. how to formulate that sentence, even. he wished he could just show you. he reached to take your hand, and you let him, standing there motionless.

it was his turn to panic, "i- fuck." he met your gaze. you knew that look. you knew that bloody look he gave you when you were both thinking the same thing. two years prior it would have been something along the lines of i want to kill you. but it had turned into something that was a lot closer to i want to kiss you. you wanted to fucking cry. 

you nodded, breathing out and blinking your tears away. he almost sighed in relief, cupping your cheeks, and that's when your lips pressed against the last pair of lips you thought you'd ever be kissing.

you reached up to touch his face – that pretty face you once hated the sight of, but then couldn't get enough of. you pulled back only for a moment, only to connect again, neither letting the other go. your kisses were unhurried, soft, and loving, despite months upon months of pining, despite the years of pent up hate that was, at the end of day, sort of bound to blossom into love.

at the end of your seventh year, when you were leaving hogwarts hand in hand, mcgonagall stopped you on the way out. it was only then that she told you what had actually happened that gloomy day october, the one that practically sealed your fates for eternity. the overflow of different emotions was too strong for you to have time to act shocked, and you pulled the woman into a big hug, thanking her with teary eyes. for putting up with you for so many years, and for managing to do the unimaginable.

[cheriiyaya]

MASCARA RUNNIN' DOWN HER LITTLE BAMBI EYES !

FEATURING : D.Osamu, N.Chuuya + Fem!reader

♡ awww, their pretty girl's crying? or, dazai and chuuya with an emotional lover !

CW: fluff, dazai's a lil mean but its ok guys, clingy!reader, super self indulgent yall, erm crying (a lot of it), light angst(?) in chuuya's,

A/N: this was in my drafts for so long afjndkvndf also ogs know that my first fic was something similar ALSO I LOWKEY HATE THIS AJHHHOJFOIERW

"♪ Lana, how I hate those guys! ♪"

DAZAI OSAMU...⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Dazai admits that he'd be lying if he said he didn't like the way you looked when you got upset over little things- your pretty eyes glossy with tears, lashes heavy and damp and tears dripping down your flushed cheeks, god you looked so adorable and dazai just can't help himself !

Dazai giggled softly, cradling your head against his chest as you sobbed into his shirt. fingers curled into the cotton as you quivered and sniffled in his hold.

"D'awh, what's wrong darling?" He cooed, brushing his lips against the top of your head before tugging your head back to see your face, clicking his tongue and tapping his thumb against your tear-stained cheek as you tried to hide your face against his neck. He stared at you, taking you in as you wailed and hiccupped. "aw, what's got the pretty girl so sad?"

"n-nothing..." you sobbed out of your sore throat, sniffling as more tears rolled down your features. dazai sighed, shaking his head and he gives your hair a light tug.

"Don't lie, what's wrong bella'?" He grins, kissing your tear stained cheeks as he strokes your hair. "I come home to see you all teary eyed only to burst out wailing when you see me." dazai teased, tone full of mirth.

Truthfully, dazai never minded when you were like this, and hearing the way you mumbled out an "I missed you" in that little strained voice of yours made his heart melt. He wiped away tears beading up on your lash line, smoothing his thumb against your flushed cheek.

"You missed me? awww, the cutie missed me? darling you can't possibly be this upset whenever I'm not around." He spoke with mock disappointment, biting down on his tongue in amusement when you began to cry harder.

"'m sorry!! 'm sorry!!!" You wailed, actually thinking he was mad at you. How cute.

Dazai hummed, stealing a kiss from your lips and nestling his long fingers into your hair.

"Aww, don't cry! c'mon, you're gonna ruin your pretty face by crying that much! It's okay, bella'- god you looks so adorable right now!"

NAKAHARA CHUUYA...⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Like dazai, chuuya can't help but admit your adorable when you cry, but he's a little more sympathetic. Shushing you softly to quell your worries-and he can't help but wish you'd be a little less emotional with everything.

"doll, please stop cryin', alright? I'm fine." chuuya sighed, rubbing circles on your back as your trembling form clung to him. you let out a choked sob, fisting his shirt in trembling hands.

"y-you were so late!!! I thought somethin' happened to you!!" you choked out, burying your face against his chest, dampening his gray vest with tears. chuuya's heart clenched, as if bony fingers wrapping around and squeezing hard as you sobbed in his arms.

he gently tugged your head up, kissing your forehead and mumbling against your hairline.

"sweetheart, I'm fine- the boss had a shit tonna work for me to finish, that's all." chuuya explained softly, pulling away and cupping your chin, pressing a gloved thumb on your quivering bottom lip "please don't cry, f'me?" He brushed his thumb back and forth on the plush of your lip.

You looked up at him, eyes glossy and red-rimmed. Chuuya sighed, brushing back your hair. He never minded how much you cared about him, but at moments like this...

He just wished you wouldn't stress yourself out like this.

Stroking your hair, chuuya whispered:

"Doll, you don't hafta worry about me so much, okay? I'm here, I'm okay, so stop crying, huh? It'll ruin your pretty face, 'kay? There you go..."

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED

©Cheriiyaya 2024.

[rklve]

RAINY DAYS | JEON JUNGKOOK - PART ONE

summary: your life choices left not only yours, but jungkook's heart broken in peaces. now you're back in town, and just like pluto, even if it's cold and dark, he tends to orbit around his sun forever.

➣ pairing: jk x f!reader

➣ genre/au: exes to lovers; angst; slow burn; fluff; smut (eventually).

➣ 3.4k words

warnings: e2l. oc broke koo's heart :( but she did not mean it. they both overthink too much. jk is such a pet dad (BAM IS HERE YAY). oc is a confused mess. mutual pining. cursing. a lot of angst (sorry!). jungkook is a simp, head over hells crazy about oc. fluff bc why not. tae is bitter asf but he's right on this one. jk is the best boy I WANT HIM!!!!!!!!!!

song inspo: rainy days — V

wish I knew how to find the way right back to you, on rainy days like

part one | part two | drabble one

“I can't take it anymore,” Jungkook says as he stumbles for the seventh time on his feet walking around the living room “I’m losing my mind, Bamie.”

The dog looks at his owner with his head pointed sideways as if he understands what he’s been sorrowing about for the past 10 minutes. The rain pours angrily outside the apartment, Jungkook sighs as he realizes talking to his big ass puppy won’t solve any of his problems.

“She’s like, 5 min away from us, Bam! I should text her, right?”

He looks over his phone again, your instagram story is open and a picture of a window full of raindrops is seen — he knows where you’re at, you’ve both been to that coffee shop over a hundred times for the past years now. Can’t remember the last time he’s been to that place ‘cause he couldn’t stand the thought of being there without you. Now he’s wondering, wondering, wondering. Wonders if you’re back for real this time. If you are alone. If you are thinking about him too. Wonders what would happen if he just replied your story right now.

@jeonjk97: heard it’s the best caramel macchiato in town 👍

No— that’s too lame. Quickly erases the message.

@jeonjk97: want a ride home? it’s pretty bad outside. 

Throws his phone on the sofa as he realizes he doesn’t know if you would accept his offer, doesn’t know if you’re sharing an apartment with Lola again either. Realizes he doesn’t know anything that’s been going on with you for a while now. More than what you let your 897 followers on Insta know too, at least. Blames himself for it, but knows it was for the best. Misses you like a fucker anyway.

“I should just call her.”

He picks up his phone, then also realizes he deleted your number months ago so he wouldn’t call you whenever his drunk ass thought it was the right thing to do. 

“For fucks sake, grow some balls, Jungkook” he whines angrily at the air purifier as if it is the source of his problems. “Okay, Taehyung will know what do.”

He calls his best friend quickly, and prays Taehyung picks up before he grabs his car keys and drives himself to the colorful little cafe at the end of the street. Remembers how much you loved that place and the cookies they served. One caramel macchiato with extra topping and two medium chocolate cookies. You always ordered the same thing. Every damn time. Said it was in you, to never let go of the things you loved. You let go of him anyway.

“Jungkook-ah! Why are you calling? I told you I can't go out—“ 

“She’s back in town.” He cuts Taehyung abruptly and suddenly the other line is mute as well. Probably doesn’t believe it’s happening just as Jungkook didn’t believe himself minutes ago. 

“Man, are you sure? Like, back for real?” he says, and Jungkook swears he can hear the disbelief in his tone from the other side. Yeah, he knows Taehyung is full of his late night calls to talk about you. Knows he is the one that’s been listening to it for months now —besides from his dobermann, of course— he’s the one who gets it, ‘cause he’s the only one who feels bitterly betrayed too. You were one of his best friends and yet, he didn’t knew your plans to move out from Busan as well. 

“Aish, I’m not sure hyung. But she posted a picture a little while ago at the cafe down the street.” he blurted out, “Can’t even think straight now, man. You think she’s back for the holidays?” 

Taehyung wondered for a little while. It was still August, Chuseok was weeks later. He didn’t say it out loud, but it wasn’t like you to drop work for so long, even if it was to visit your hometown. Nevertheless, he didn’t want Jungkook to get his hopes up. He knows how he is. Doesn’t want to see his friend’s heart breaking all over again.

“Mmm. Maybe, don’t know.” he sighed out loud “I thought we agreed to unfollow her after the second month.”

He hears Jungkook’s sad chuckle on the other side of the line, “Yeah, we did.” 

Taehyung knows Jungkook wouldn’t bring himself to do it tho, and now he just confirms it. Being a little bit more resentful than Jungkook gave him the motivation to do so, but it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been missin’ your ugly face. 

“Ok, so I need you to refresh my mind now. Tell me something so I won’t step outside that door right this second and make a fool of myself.” Jungkook continues to talk as if he’s been charged on 220W. And maybe he was. His heart has never beaten so fast for the past twelve months. His hair is all over the place from the countless times he grabbed it since he saw your photo. The tip of his fingers are tingling. Yeah, maybe he’s been electrocuted or something.

“Go.”

“What?” Jungkook says in disbelief. Doesn’t think he hears straight, ‘cause Taehyung would be the last one to say such a thing. 

“I said go, Jungkook.” he sighs for what it seems to be the tenth time on the phone call. “I know you need this. You haven’t been yourself for so long now. You two have to talk properly at some point.”

“Ay, how frustratin really—” he tsks.

“For real, man. Go. Now.” he firmly says “What’s the worst she can do, leave?” Jungkook senses the bitter words coming from Taehyung’s mouth. He knows he’s not mad at you, just hurt. Knows Taehyung would forgive you in a heartbeat if you said how sorry you were for everything that went thru. Wonders if he would forgive you that easily too. But he knows his friend is right. He needs closure. Needs this.

“Yeah. Right.” he bites his lips and looks around. Sees Bam looking at him, as if he’s expecting an action from him too. “I’ll talk to you later, bro. Thanks.”

He turns off the phone and grabs his car keys tightly. Yeah, he’s doing it. Won’t think too much, it’s better this way. He will get in the car, drive for 5 minutes. Enter the coffee shop. Order. Pretend he doesn’t know you’re there. Eventually look over the spot he knows you’re at, the same table over the corner where you two always used to sit together, by the large window. Grab the coffee and go over casually, ask how you’ve been. Offer you a ride home —to your parents, probably, since you moved out from your apartment on the neighborhood for a while now. Say it’s because of the rain, he knows you hate to ask for Ubers on the rain. Didn’t trust just anyone driving on bad weather. Such a smart girl. He misses the shit out of you. 

“Damn, ok. Pack it up, man.” 

He calls Bam to his house and watches as the dog quickly follow his lead, as if he knows Jungkook is too anxious to play around right now. “Dad will be back soon, okay? Behave.”

And so he checks out his hair one last time on the mirror at his bathroom and goes before he changes his mind.

The drive is pretty quick. It’s actually a route he does walking, but it’s still pouring rain so he’s carrying on. On a rainy day. To a coffee shop. To get a coffee he could have made at the comfort of his home with his own little coffee machine. But it’s okay, he will just play pretend for this time.

He stops the car and just realizes he forgot his umbrella. “Are you fucking serious, Jungkook?” 

Great. Brilliant. He feels so fucking dumb right now. 

Thankfully, due to the cold season he was wearing his black sweatshirt and sweatpants so the rain wouldn’t do so much damage. He quickly got off the car and ran inside the cafe. 

Surprisingly, it was full for a rainy night. Perhaps everyone had the usual thought; too lazy to make their own foods, they step out to grab something warm on the best coffee in the neighborhood. 

Jungkook plays the script on his head over and over again as he whipes his hair side to side like a fluffy dog to get rid of the water that soaked it a little bit. 

He looks ahead to the counter and his mind goes blank as he sees you over there now. At the little chair on the middle of the cafe. You seem lonely, messing with your hair a little bit, making a braid with a single tiny lock. It’s an old habit to make time pass, and Jungkook hates he remembers every little detail about you. His heart now has stopped, dropped to his knees. He really misses you. 

“Bee!” the waiter calls, and Jungkook recognizes the nickname. Knows it’s you, ‘cause he’s the one that gave it to you years ago. Used to call you bee just to make fun of you, ‘cause you’re such a sweet tooth. Never met someone that loves sugar more than you do, so he started to call you that since you two became friends.

He watches at the end of the waiting line as you get up, straight your hand and pick up two cookies in a little pink plate. Chocolate chips cookies. Your favorite. His favorite as well.

You start to eat slowly so he averts his eyes. Doesn’t want to be catch staring and look like a fucking weirdo. It’s not like he drove here to see you. Talk to you. Not at all, the coffee here is great. 

Finally the line walks and it’s his turn. “One black coffee, please. No sugar.” He says softly and suddenly feels his neck start to tingle. Knows you just realized he’s here, and you’re staring at him. Pretends he doesn’t tho, so continues to talk to the waitress as she asks who she would call when it’s ready “JK.” he says, then turns around to look for somewhere to sit and wait for the order. Looks over the table that you originally were, the one you posted a photo of. Then realizes now there’s a couple there, laughing together and taking pics of each other. He knows you. Knows you most likely offered the clingy couple the table, cause the house is full, and you wouldn’t take the table just for yourself. Even if it meant you would end up eating by the counter on the little puffed chair, you loved to drool over the pastries anyways.

He slowly looks the other way. Knows you’re on this direction so he has to be careful. You’re looking down. Seem sad all of the sudden and he just wants to hug you. For fucks sake. This is harder than he thought. 

He sighs again as he realizes the only spots available are the 2 chairs on your right. He chooses the one that’s a little bit far just to be safe.

As he walks down, his chest tightens a little bit more. Now he doesn’t know what he’s doing here. It was a bad idea. Doesn’t even remember what the plan was at the first place. 

He can smell your perfume as he walks past you and it’s like someone punches his stomach. Your sweet smell fills his nostrils and he just wants to be closer. Shove his nose on your hair like he used to. Then go down your neck and feel your skin respond with little goosebumps as he moves along it softly. Damn it. Jungkook wants to curse the life out of you but he can’t even bring himself to be mad right now. Only knows he misses you. Your touch. Your kiss. You.

Finally he sits and pretends as if he didn’t notice you there, continually looking over his phone as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world trying to figure out what to do next.

“JK!” The waitress calls him and he’s put out of his own world, looking up right away. You seem to be startled too as you look directly at him. You two look at each other for what seems to be minutes in a trance. You give him a tiny smile. He gives one back.

“JK!” he hears the call again and pulls himself out of the trance, going to grab the coffee from the waitress who’s on your left side. He pays for it and looks at you again. You’re still looking at him. Kinda unsure on how to act, he figures. It’s okay, cause he doesn’t know how to either. 

As he sits, now on the chair closer to your right, he looks straight ahead and takes a gulp of the coffee. “Fuck!” he curses and pulls the coffee cup away as he burns his tongue with the damn thing.

You laugh thru your nose and his ears rapidly catch the sweet sound he used to hear all the time. Looks sideways to you, “Funny, huh?” he feels the air a little bit less heavy now, and he’s relieved.

“You just never change, Koo.” you say, still with that damn smile on your face he adores so much. He can’t take his eyes off of you. Realizes he never got over you, not even for a second. Probably never will.

“Don’t call me that.” those damned butterflies on his guts as he digests what you’ve said. You know it’s his favorite nickname. Knows only you call him by it. Knows he melts alway with this shit everytime.

You’re staring at him like that. So pretty. Soft brown sparkly eyes he missed so much. Now they seem to start hardening. “I’m sorry.” You say with a broken voice, and he feels the air shift all over again in a matter of seconds. Doesn’t know if you’re apologizing for the sweet nickname. For leaving him. For not calling. For not coming back. For everything. 

“How’s everything?” He tries to ease the air back again. “It’s been a minute.”

He sees the corner of your lips tremble a little bit and you gulp. His chest pangs. Wonders if he did the right thing by pretending you never existed for the past months now. Just wants to make up for all the time both of you lost.

“Yup, it has.” You reply after a while. “I’m doing okay. What about you?” 

You look up at him like everything is okay. If he didn’t know you, he would believe you were. But he knows better. You can’t hide anything from him, really. At least that’s what he thought. Knows he could be wrong, just like he was a year ago too.

“Cool. I’m cool.” he licks his dry lips and starts to think about his next move. Mind starts to blow up, a trillion thoughts at the same time and he’s back at it again. Can’t put his neurons to work properly. You’re actually right here in front of him, how is he supposed to?

Seems like you’re struggling yourself too. He doesn’t know if you’re trying to come up with an excuse to leave right now, or trying to find a subject in common as well.

 You stare at your now half eaten cookie like it’s the most valuable thing in the world. The other one is already on the bag to go. You probably were planning on taking home to eat when the late night sweet crave hits you, like he remembers. Will put it on the microwave so it gets warm again and take a cup of milk with you, like you used to. Turn on netflix and watch one of those lame cooking programs, ‘cause you loved to waste your time watching people losing their heads to make giant chocolate sculptures. He secretly loved watching it with you. It’s the reason he watched every episode back and forth while you were away too.  

“Is Bamie okay?” you murmur, now staring at your coffee cup with a little smile, thinking about the little puppy. Remembers how energetic and loving he was. Just like Jungkook. “You haven’t posted him in a while now.”

His tongue feels bittersweet again. He’s somehow happy knowing that you’ve been catching up with his life throught social media, even tho he disappears once in a while. At the same time, he’s sad. You could have been there for Bam. Should have, since you are the one who came up with the idea in the first place. Said he needed a little friend to match up with his chaotic energy. He ended up convinced and adopted the little guy. You always tended to get the best of him. Promised you’d help him to take good care of the baby, but only spent three months with Bam. Still, it’s like the puppy knows something is missing. Every night he looks over the door at any noise, like he’s expecting you to come throught it. Just like Jungkook used to do for the first months back then. 

“He’s great, actually. Bigger than I expected him to be. Eats like a fucking bear.” he giggles a little remembering his big boy. “He’s loud too. Don’t know how the neighbors still haven’t ganged up against me to kick us out of the apartment.”

You giggle alongside him imagining the chaos those two must have been doing together. “I figured. You always have spoiled him too much. Told ya he would get bad habits.”

“Hey! You spoiled him too!” he throws it right back. Remembers how you used to let Bam sleep with the two of you on bed. It took him months to break that habit from the puppy’s routine.

You look up at him and smiles. Bright now. You know he’s right. You’ve treated that puppy like it was your own son. Kinda misses the three of you together like a big happy family.

Suddenly a loud thunder is heard and both of you look out the foggy window at the same time. The sky is even darker now, angrily pouring rain like it’s the end of the earth. The coffee shop is emptier. Everyone outside your bubble must’ve realized that it was no longer safe to be out in the streets. But here you two are. Letting time pass by, enjoying each others presence even if it’s kinda weird. Kinda sad after all these months apart.

Jungkook knows it’s time to act. Step up and do what he was planning since he left home. Can’t bring himself to. Is too scared you will say no. Too scared you will let him down again. 

“I think I should get going.” you say softly wrapping up what is left of the cookie and putting it on your bag over the counter. “The weather is getting worst.”

“Want a ride home?” Jungkook quickly says before he looses the sudden courage. Sees you're taken aback so he continues, “I know you won’t be able to catch an uber or taxi right now.”

You still wonder a little bit. Jungkook’s anxiety is bubbling up again as he waits your answer. Why can’t you accept a simple offer? You can’t stand the thought of being around him? Do you hate him? Perhaps you don’t want him in your life ever again. You want to stay like this. Just be somebody that he used to know.

And that’s what scares him the most.

“I brought an umbrella” you finally say. Jungkook frowns. Knows you have no umbrella with you, he would’ve seen it by now.

He puffs. Knows it’s bullshit, but won’t call it. “Right. Suit yourself.” Then he gets up, forgets his full coffee by the counter, now cold. He feels fucking cold too. Already regrets coming to this stupid cafe, in this stupid weather, for no stupid reason. He takes his sweatshirt off and puts it over his head so the rain won’t get to him this time. Opens the door.

“Jungkook! Wait!” you suddenly say. “I actually didn’t.” you say pouty, coming up to him.

He doesn’t say anything. Just takes his sweatshirt, puts it over your head instead. He was wearing his taegeuk warriors jersey underneath it, will definitely get soacked but can’t bring himself to care at all. Just cares about you. Holds the glass door for you just like old times. You look up at him with your big doll eyes and he can’t do anything but look back. It’s like you want to talk through them. He wonders what’s going through your pretty little head right now. Probably overthinking too much, just like he does. 

“C’mon," he softly says "Let’s get you home.”

yayyy there it goes! my first ff ever i'm so happy <3 this was supposed to be an oneshot but i got carried away and wrote more than i expected so i had to cut it off hehe

also, please be aware that english is not my native language so i’m sorry if there’s any typos 🥹

i'll upload part 2 soon! if you want to be tagged pls comment under the post :) thanks for reading xx

[little-diable]

Chi, I'm here to request a smutty Tommy blurb if you're still accepting them. I can't stop thinking of the garden scene you wrote recently and now I'm hoping you'll be inspired to cont that thought OR write something between Tommy x reader which finds them giving into their passion outdoors. I think you're onto something about this setting being relaxing for Tommy 😉

My love!! Thank you for this, I truly love this pairing just as much. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: No direct follow up to this, but the same vibes, just pwp, Tommy eats out his wife in their garden

Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (f), outdoor

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x fem!reader (800 words)

“I think this was the first time they didn’t cry,” (y/n) whispered her words to her husband as she sat down next to him. She had just waved goodbye to her father who had taken her and Tommy’s children with him for the weekend.

“They’re growing up.” Tommy kept his eyes closed, smoking his cigarette as he enjoyed the sun rays dancing over his pale features. The soft summer breeze wrapped itself around them, teasing the two lovers. 

“Don’t act like I didn’t catch you close to tears as Emma told you she won’t need another bedtime story last week.” With a sigh Tommy opened his eyes, shaking his head at his scowling wife before rolling his head back towards the sun. 

“Don’t rub it in, eh? I can’t let my wife run her mouth and destroy my image without paying the price for it.” (Y/n) couldn’t stop her laughs from rumbling through her, leaning closer to kiss Tommy’s warm jawline. The hum leaving her husband left (y/n) grinning and squealing as he tugged her closer, landing on his lap. “So, we’ve got the house to yourselves now, don’t we?” 

“What’s your plan, Mister Shelby?” Their eyes met, his full of excitement and mischief, hers filled with curiosity and longing. He pulled her in for a slow kiss, allowing her to taste cigarettes and tea on his tongue, a mixture she had learned to love over the past years, adjusting to the way Tommy Shelby lived two different lives as a cruel gangster and as a loving family man. 

“First, I want to get a taste of my wife, right here only for my eyes to see.” Tommy rose to his feet with (y/n)’s legs wrapped around his waist. “And then I’ll fuck you through the night.” 

“I certainly won’t stop you from doing so.” She was placed down on the ground, on the blanket their children had sat on this morning, keeping their clothes clean before driving off with their grandparents. (Y/n)’s eyes followed his every move, watching Tommy push her dress up to her waist, groaning at the sight of her bare cunt. “Took off my underwear after they left, I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to grow impatient.”

“A smart woman I’ve got on my hands, eh?” He smirked at her before he buried his face between her thighs, tongue brushing through her slit, tasting her arousal. The birds sang in the distance, yet not loud enough to drown out her moans, the beautiful sounds clawing through her as Tommy ate her out. 

He loved the sounds rumbling through her whenever he touched her, only his to pick up on, his to coax out of her. Tommy had his wife at his mercy, ready to feast on her, to turn her into a trembling mess as he towered over her with his cock twitching in excitement and his heart racing from the adrenaline thumping through him.

“You taste so sweet, fuck, I could die between your thighs, darling.” He groaned his words against her cunt as his fingers found her pulsing bundle. Cruses left (y/n) at the touch, forcing her to arch her back off the blanket, eyes focused on the blue sky above. He always managed to push her close to the edge within a few seconds, leaving her gasping and trembling for him only.

“Jesus, Tom, you’re too good at that.” A proud grin tugged on his lips as he dipped his tongue into her tightness, feeling her walls tense around the strong muscle. She was close, ready to let go with his name leaving her – the first orgasm of many to come. Her fingers tightened their grip on the blanket, trying to hold onto it as the intense feeling washed through her.

It was a spectacle so beautiful, Tommy wasn’t sure if it was just a trick of his brain, imagining the most beautiful sight he could come up with. But the moans were too powerful, and the trembling of her body was too real, leaving him chuckling as he watched her fall apart.

“I won’t say no to spending the next few hours like that.” (Y/n)’s breathless whispers drew another laugh out of Tommy as he crawled up her body, meeting her lips in a slow kiss.

[daylite-writes]

Traitor readers always hit different! How about traitor reader with all of the harbingers (but I got a special bias for Pierro) 😫. Like betraying one is bad enough betraying and hurting all? Oh boy

Oooh I like this! I am gonna split it up into separate little instances of what I think they’d be like though for my sanity. I may expand to a few other full traitor fics (esp the Pierro one I really popped off on that damn) later on if I get ideas!

Certain characters take it MUCH better than others, varying from a scale of “Oh that’s Lowkey Hot” to “DIE”.

cw: yandere (?) behaviors, murder, manipulation, imprisonment, forced marriage, forced experimentation

~~~ Harbingers reacts to Traitor!Reader (ordered best to worst ~~~

Childe definitely takes it the best. In fact, this is honestly preferable for him. He’ll let you escape back to your leaders after you find out, giving you a head start before chasing you across Teyvat. The adrenaline is the hot part. He can’t get enough. He’s so easily bored. Come on baby, run a little faster. Make it fun. And after he follows you to your master’s base of operations, he’ll slaughter them and offer you an official place within the fatui’s ranks. Under him, of course! He won, after all, and the winner takes all.

Pantalone doesn’t see this as the worst thing. He’s very familiar with traitors, spies, and secrets. Though how you got around him for so long is a mystery. Once he finds out he’ll just be so sweet. Come on, treasure, just tell him everything and he’ll protect you. No? Oh well. A pretty enough price—or a favor from his more violently inclined coworkers—will have them abandoning you forcefully or not. Then he can scoop you up and… convince you to come home with him. It’s just more leverage to have over you, and it’s perfect for a man with control issues.

Pulcinella just… drops you. He has a nation to run, and his proximity to important information is too valuable. Unlike many of his colleagues he is not willing to bend the rules for feelings. He’s old, and he knows whatever feelings he feels towards you (platonic, romantic, familial, whatever) will pass with time. He reports this information to the proper place, and trusts the people he commands to take care of you properly. It hurts, but most things do at first.

Signora really thought you loved her. She hasn’t felt passion in centuries, and now as soon as her frozen heart thaws it’s revealed you're a traitor? Her heart can hardly take it. It hurts so much. Leave. Go now before she changes her mind and kills you. She cannot bear to have another lover dead in her arms. So take this chance and go, if you don’t, ice will encase her heart and she will slaughter you.

Columbina goes the kidnapping route essentially immediately. You can’t be a spy if you can’t report back to your masters! She’s very gentle though, running her fingers through your hair, humming happily, showering you with beautiful outfits and clothes. Even if you’re paralyzed from her haunting melodies, and feathers and eyes unfurl from the corners of your vision. Like a bird in a cage. It’s really your fault for catching the attention of someone so insane and powerful.

Arlecchino reacts similarly to Capitano, she is very proficient at breaking people down, ruining them, and turning them into what she thinks you ought to be. How dare you? This is a betrayal she will have to remedy. Loyalty is necessary. She’s crueler than him about it. Less patient. You will not be coming out of this unscarred. It’s better to just give in quickly, convincing her you learned your lesson, that you’d never betray her again. Reguardless of what you do though, several house of hearth members will be stalking you whenever you’re away from her, so don’t even bother trying to get back to your masters. It will not end well.

Pierro. Oh Pierro. You’ve never seen the man so sad. For a second, he looks almost pathetic. That is, before he motions for his men to drag you down to whatever dungeons are within the palace. He doesn’t visit you for weeks, but as soon as you start to think he’s never going to look at you again, he’s there, outside your freezing cell. The sadness so heavy in this man is wiped away by fury. He, personally, drags you from your cell. You can’t even walk as he pulls you along, stumbling every time you try to get your footing. He drags you for what seems like forever, ignoring you. Eventually, you’re in the Tsaritsa’s cathedral, with the ice goddess herself standing where the priest was. She smiled at you, and fear floods your body as he forces you down the aisle. He mutters something about how lucky you are. How many strings he had to pull with his god to allow this. You’re married there, ice freezing your ankles as you stand where a bride would, heart heavy in your throat. You know then that the only option is to say “I do”.

Scaramouche does not and will never take this well. Another betrayal? Typical of humans. He will go into a rage when he faces you, and chances of you escaping that rage in one piece is slim to nothing. If you don’t, ice floods his veins as he curls around your body, just asking why why why. If you do, he’ll drag you to the infirmary, force some poor healer to fix you, and then toss you in the dungeon similar to Pierro. He won’t visit you, thinking that this is a proper punishment. You abandon him? He’ll abandon you. He’ll come around sometimes though to yell at you or sob on your lap. Other than that, expect a life of imprisonment with mild favoritism and some physical scars.

Sandrone doesn’t take it well at first. When faced with your crimes, she immediately lashes out, destroying several of her newest machines and scarring you physically. After she calms down, though, she’ll calmly figure out everything that you leaked, who you leaked it to, and begin to work while you stay in a cell in her lab. She comes back to you a few days later, in which you’ve been completely abandoned, with some sort of mechanical collar and a tracking chip. Oh calm down, she’ll say as she rolls her eyes. The surgery is quick, but done without any anesthesia. The collar records everything and will shock and paralyze you upon exiting her laboratory. The chip is for tracking, but it can also release poison into your bloodstream. There! She was being so nice, not turning you into a machine. Say thank you, it might make her more likely to feed you.

Dottore has a breakdown almost immediately upon hearing this. He’d cackle, pacing in front of you, rambling on about how bold you were to try this shit with the cruelest of the Harbingers. Really? Playing with his heart is probably the worst mistake a person could ever make. He’s never been too enamored with human bodies, but monsters? Abyssal creatures? He finds them so beautiful, and he’s been needing a new subject. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt! Just be quiet and let him make you into the ideal version of yourself. He’d never dare do this to you if you weren’t a traitor, he loved you, but all bets are off as soon as you sabotaged his work and smuggled information. And the worst part? You’d still be his lover. Forever bound. Just more monstrous than before.

~~~

Lowkey I can’t believe I wrote for all of them. I didn’t think I do them all but then I had IDEAS. Which is somewhat uncommon for me. Everyone clap!

[jo6hny]

Graham - Hazel Callahan

Pairing: College! Hazel Callahan x College! Reader 

Contains: FLUFF, idiots in love, but i'm a cheerleader references, friends to lovers

Word Count: 2.16K

Summary: based off this request.

A/N: I kinda don't like this omg. anon please forgive me i tried my best :< i might revisit this fic if i get motivated sooo

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The atmosphere of Hazel’s dorm room was cozy. Not because it was small, but because it was home to all of her crazy and wonderful belongings. From your line of sight, you could see her skateboard propped against her drawer which was filled to the brim. Hazel’s room was a reflection of who she was. You could determine what kind of person she is just by looking at the state of her room. The thought made you giggle. 

“What are you thinking of?” Hazel asks as she untangles her hold from you. Both of you were laying down on her bed, arms and legs previously tangled. 

You shake your head. “It was nothing, really.” 

“Tell me.” She muttered, poking your belly over and over again. This elicits laughter from you as the ticklish sensation takes over your senses. 

“Alright, okay!” You exclaimed, catching your breath. “I was just thinking about your dorm room.” 

She raises her eyebrows at you. 

“And what about it?” 

“Well,” You start, waving your hands around. “It’s very you.”  

Hazel frowns at your admission. She didn’t quite get what you meant by that. You admire her as she contemplates on what to say next. You notice the freckles on her face, how it only appeared in the sunlight. How her hands were bruised. From fixing her skateboard, probably. How her hair looked like it had a life of its own whenever she laid down. 

“Anyway,” You interrupt her train of thought. “I have to go.” 

The brunette pouts and envelopes you into another hug. She smelled good. Like clean soap and laundry. She wasn’t wearing her signature citrus scented perfume today. This made you appreciate the hug more. You could feel your heart pound against your chest at the feeling of your best friend nuzzling her nose on the crook of your neck. 

“Hazel.” You whined, though you weren’t doing anything to let go of her. 

The brunette whines in retaliation. 

“Fine.” She huffs, loosely letting you go. 

You turn to her and envelope her face in your hands. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You ask, your tone of voice sweet and caring. 

She nods, her eyes still full of sorrow at your departure. 

“Yeah.” She replies, sitting up so that you two were level. “Okay, I lo-” 

The brunette stops herself from finishing the sentence. Hazel bites her tongue and feels her heart pounding. She almost slipped up. 

“What?” You interrupt, eyebrows furrowing and pulse thumping. 

“I’ll text you.” She blurts out, avoiding your gaze. “That’s what I meant.” 

You nod, seemingly speechless. 

“Okay.” 

Hazel gets out of bed and takes your hand to escort you out of her room but not before giving you a hug again. 

“Bye, pretty. Text me when you get to your dorms, ‘kay?” She mumbles, nuzzling her nose on the crook of your shoulder as to memorize your scent. 

────────────────────────────────────────────

Back at your dorm room, your mind was occupied at Hazel’s almost admittance of her love for you. Well, at least that's what you thought you heard. I mean, how many sentences sound as close to “I love you” anyway? The thought made you feel crazy. It wasn’t like it would be the first time you’ve admitted your love for each other, anyway. Though the declarations of love you two shared was strictly platonic. That is until you both got closer to each other, when the both of you started playing between the lines of friends and lovers. 

Nowadays, neither of you uttered the L word. Not when the both of you had feelings on the line. And you weren’t delusional either. You knew that Hazel felt as much for you as you did her. She wasn’t as touchy or as sweet to her other friends as she was with you. No, only you knew about her and saw her at her most vulnerable. This to you was an admittance of her attraction to you. She didn’t need to say it, at least not now. You didn’t want to rush the girl either. It was better that she’d admitted it on her own. 

You do admit though, that you’d like to take control of the narrative sometimes. Just confess and have things over with. You dream of what it would be like to stop tiptoeing between the lines. You dream of tasting her lips and you wonder how well they’d fit with yours. You dream of molding your being with hers and finally feeling complete for once in your life. But you respected Hazel’s boundaries. Especially since PJ broke her heart. For now, you could only dream and be satisfied with what you had because something was better than nothing. 

Just then, your phone dings and reveals a message from Hazel herself. 

Girl Oppenheimer: i miss u already :< 

You: I lit rally just left, haze. 

Girl Oppenheimer: can’t a girl miss her bestfriend who’s also her almost girl? 

Your heart jumps at Hazel’s last message. She was teasing, something that she did often. Both of you would call each other girlfriends and wives but never fully face the exterior of your feelings with each other. 

You: no <33 

You: now stop bothering me pls i’m busy studying 

You weren’t. But you couldn’t keep on talking to her right now. Especially after she called you her girl. It affected you more than it usually would have. Probably because you were deep in your feelings a couple of minutes ago. 

Girl Oppenheimer: meanie :< we’re still on for tom tho ryt? 

You: ofc! 

Girl Oppenheimer: yay!!! see u <33 

Throwing your phone across your bed, you sigh. There was no doubt that your heart harbored love for the brunette. Love that was bigger than your heart and deeper than your soul. The desire to be with Hazel was strong and it’s gotten to the point that you’ve tried all sorts of hijinks just for things to get faster. Manifesting, praying, you name it. But at the end of the day, you respect her even if she frustrates the shit out of you sometimes. 

The next day went by smoothly, much to your delight. You’d thought that the day would have been difficult seeing as how you felt lethargic after all the overthinking last night. Lucky for you though, the day was too busy and you didn’t have the time to think about yours and Hazel’s complicated relationship. That is until the time for you two to meet came. It’s supposed to be just a regular hangout. Nothing special. Well, it was special to you because it meant hanging around your “lover”. You and Hazel have this thing where you pick out the dumbest and campiest movies on whatever streaming platform and spend the day just laughing. It was a simple movie night shared between good friends. 

Tonight, the both of you settled on watching “But I’m A Cheerleader”, a lesbian cult classic. The both of you watched this movie countless times before but never got tired of it. Safe to say that it’s a shared favorite between the two of you. Aside from this, you also loved teasing Hazel and how she looked a lot like Clea Duvall’s character, Graham. Except that Graham was way cooler than Hazel. 

“I'm Graham, and I like girls, a lot.”

“Hey, it’s you.” You teased Hazel as Graham appeared on the screen. 

“I do not look like her!” She protested, bumping her shoulder against yours. The two of you were huddled on her tiny dorm bed, with her laptop on your laps. Snacks were already eaten before the movie even started. This was how it usually went between you two. It was like a tradition. 

“Hey. Clea Duvall is hot. Why are you so offended?” You reply, bumping her back. Hazel looks at you with a hint of mischief in her eyes. 

“Do you think I'm hot?” She retaliates, moving her face closer to yours. She didn’t know where she got the confidence to do such a thing but watching Graham’s character be all confident and cocky had her thinking that if she acted the same, things would progress better between the two of you. 

Hazel blames herself for many things. Fucking her relationship up with PJ (not that she wanted her back), crashing her car on a tree, and being such a slowpoke when it came to your relationship. It wasn’t like she didn’t want you. She did, badly. But she’d made the mistake of telling you all about how hard it was to move on from her ex and it scared you away. On top of that, she also hates how awkward and dorky she can get whenever she senses you making a move on her. Which is why she’s decided that tonight was the night. No more dancing around. Tonight she wasn’t Hazel Callahan, she was Graham and she would make her yours. Or at least try to. 

“What’s gotten into you?” You ask, suddenly feeling flustered. 

Hazel took this as an opportunity to wrap her arms around you and pull you closer to her. 

The brunette shrugs. “Nothing, I just..wanted to know if you found me hot?” 

You scoff. 

“Of course I do.” You mumble, barely audible.

“I-I find you hot too.” Hazel stutters. She wanted the ground to eat her up right then and there. That was so uncool of her. 

You giggle at her failed attempt at being Graham-like. 

“You know I don’t mean it when I say that you’re like Graham, right?” 

The blue eyed girl shrugs. Her cheeks are heating up as she feels your hand fiddling with your hair. This was something you did when you were deep in thought. 

“Okay,” You add, wrapping your arms around Hazel as well so that both of you were in a hug. “Well, I think you’re cooler than her and I like you better.” 

“You like me?” 

Giving her a smile, you reply. “Of course I do.” 

“No, like..” She interjects, trying to make her point across. “Like like” 

“Like like?” You answer, heart beating louder than usual. This was it. The both of you are being forced to face the music. Lesbian romcom in the background ignored. 

The brunette nods. Mouth unable to conjure up words. The last of her confidence was long gone, but she wanted you more than ever. She was tired of feeling so scared. She was tired of not loving you with her whole heart. She wanted to be able to scream out how much she loved you without shame. Hazel knew in her heart that she’s fully capable of loving you now more than ever. 

You smile at your lover and scoot closer as you plant a soft kiss on her cheek. 

“I love you.” You whisper, staring into her blue eyes. There was no turning back from this. The friendship you cultivated for years is gone as you bare your heart. 

One breath and then two breaths and then three. Your words seemed to hang in the air around the both of you. 

“You don’t have to say it back, though!” You exclaim, flailing your arms around. Fearing that a mistake has been made, you scoot away from Hazel which made her scoot closer to you. 

“No!” She interjects, pulling you closer. “I love you too!” 

“What?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed. “No you don’t. What?” 

“What?” 

You shake your head as if to restart your mind and rid it of the jumbled words forming. 

“I mean, you do? I just can’t believe it is all.” 

Hazel nods, she seemed lost in whatever was happening. You felt the need to clear things up but you were lost too. This wasn’t how you envisioned things to be. Not in her dorm room, not with a stupid movie in the background playing, and certainly not with all the awkwardness. You’d envisioned things to have been more romantic; put together. But then again, the situation perfectly encapsulates Hazel and you. Awkward, weird, but ultimately charming. 

“I do.” She replies, hugging you tighter. “And I’m sure of it. Just in case you were wondering.” 

“I wasn’t…but thanks?” You wrap your arms back around her. The two of you are closer than ever and it feels just right. 

“It’s just,” She starts, racking her brain for what to say. “I know we’ve been having this weird situation and I wanted you to know that I’m completely over my ex and that I’m not stringing you along or anything like that and that my feeling for you is-” 

You cut her off, lips on hers. She tasted sweet, like the candy she ate before the movie started. And her lips were soft and plush. You couldn’t get enough and it seemed like she didn’t either. The movie was long forgotten as the both of you exchanged the enthusiasm of liplocking. 

“I love you.” Hazel said for extra measure. 

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “I love you too, Haze.” 

────────────────────────────────────────────

tags: @academiareid @fictionalgap

[yeonlogic]

★ baby be mine ⋆｡°✩

PAIRING bestfriend!gyu + f!reader GENRE/WARNINGS fluff, crack, friends to lovers au, gyu works in a vinyl shop, gyu gets friendzoned woopsies, mild swearing, semi smau reader is friends with chaewon & kazuha from lsrfm

SYNOPSIS you and gyu have been friends since you first saw each other at school and now your starting to develop feelings for him

wc: around 3k?

“are you done picking out a vinyl you want or what” beomgyu complained looking at you look through the compartment full of vinyls

“yeah yeah whatever, you work here anyway im sure the owner wont mind you closing up the shop late” you said as you took a look around the cd section thinking about whether you should get a cd or a vinyl.

“okay uhm I decided Im not getting anything” you chuckled nervously looking at beomgyu knowing he would say something about it

“yah you cant just spend hours looking at the shop for around 3hours and not picking anything!?” he frowned “okay okay Im sorry ill make it up to you and help you close down the shop.”

you two started closing down the shop together. as you two finished you took a look at the city in the night admiring how it looked.

“your still walking me home right..?” you said turning to him as he was locking up the shop door “yeah I always do cuz your scared of those weirdos who would come after you” he teased “well Its not my fault its scary, what if a random guy chases me or something” your voice had a hint of worry and nervousness as you said that, gyu walked up to you by your side “Its alright ill be your night and shining armor” beomgyu said jokingly “now come on its getting late.”

you two walked the streets together your hands shoved In the pocket of your hoodie, it was cold freezing cold.

“hey if you have the time you should teach me how to use the guitar” you nudged his shoulder with yours looking at him with a smile on your face, “how about tomorrow? If you can” he chuckled “also your shivering a lot.. is it that cold..?” he grabbed your wrist stopping you from walking away as he took his jacket off and draped It on your shoulders, your heart was beating from how close he was to you, you were so used to him being close to you all the time but why was this one different?

you felt your cheeks heat up a bit but you didnt worry about it too much. “thanks..” you murmured, his jacket was warm enough to block the cold, “dont mention it” he replied as you two continued to walk back to your home.

“thanks for walking me back home gyu” you smiled and gave him a hug, “also here you should take your jacket back” you took it off as beomgyu stopped you from doing it “no keep it, it looks better on you” he laughed softly “ill see you tomorrow?” “mhm” you replied as you entered your house going into your room.

you dropped onto your bed looking up at the ceiling confused about what you were feeling at that moment gyu gave you his jacket that was now wrapped around your torso.

you grabbed your phone from your pocket and opened the messages app.

you turned off your phone and placed it on your bedside table, you felt confused why were you feeling these random butterflies in your stomach whenever you think about beomgyu oh god “THE FUCKING HEART?!?!?” you screamed into your pillow “okay clam down maybe its just a platonic gesture calm down and just sleep this through.” you muttered to yourself as you layed down on your bed.

you were In a cafe with chaewon since everyone from school was on school break so you both decided to hang out today

“ugh Im so glad were on break right now i think I would’ve passed out if the teacher gave us any more test papers” she ranted and complained while you were zoned out lost in your thoughts about last night.

“y/n?, helloo earth to y/n!?, Y/N!!!” chae snapped at you “huh?” you replied “girl did you even listen to what I was saying” “uh yeah ofc”

“then what did I say?” one of her eyebrow was raised up “uhm that you wanted that bag you saw?” chaewon looked at you

“seriously y/n whats got you acting so weird this day” chaewon stared at you while sipping her iced coffee, “honestly I dont even know Its just something about last night..” you said nervously “tell me, maybe I can do something about it”

“promise me you wont laugh..?” “duhh.”

“Its just I never knew I’d look at my bestfriend differently, you know beomgyu right?” “yeah the one who works at the vinyl shop down town right” chaewon replied

“yeah.. well uhm I was with him last night and he walked me home but its something about the way he saw I was freezing and gave me his jacket— but I mean its not even that romantic Its the part where he put the jacket on me he was so..close something about that just felt so different to me because Im so used to being close with him all the time but it was just that one moment that made me realize maybe I have feelings for him..?” you sighed and covered your face with your hands “chaeeee what do I dooo” you pleaded feeling embarrassed to talk about this to your girl bestfriend

“Look as much as I dont know shit about love I can tell you definitely have feelings for him I mean.. you two were friends since 8th grade till now you two are technically inseparable” she shrugged “I guess..maybe If i just ignore him for the whole week maybe he wont notice that I have feelings for him??” “idk girl im sorry but I dont know what to do.”

6:22 PM

you arrived at the vinyl shop where you could see gyu standing at the cash register as you entered the shop and approached him.

“hey gyu um..we might have to cancel that guitar lesson since Im gonna be busy this day” you smiled nervously at him hoping he wouldn’t ask you why or what your gonna do. “oh alright..” he said, you could feel a bit of sadness from his voice and you felt bad because of it, “maybe next time?” you said as you left the shop feeling guilty.

beomgyu went home to his shared apartment with his friends as he saw soobin and hueningkai playing a videogame together on the couch, gyu approached them and grabbed the tv remote and turned It off and sat Inbetween the two boys “heyy I was about to beat soobin hyung” kai frowned “yah why are you so grumpy today” soobin side eyed him “its nothing..” gyu responded and sat up from the couch and went to his bedroom.

-

another day passes by and you and chaewon are together spending time at the arcade just chatting and playing some games, you havent chatted gyu ever since that night because of how scared you were for him to find out you have a crush on him.

“oh btw y/n I invited kazuha we havent seen her in so long and apparently shes taking a 1 week vacay here” chaewon was excited to see your guys friend that you havent seen from since she left the country.

“holy shit zuha Is taking a vacation here?!?!? why didn’t you tell me earlier!!” you were suprised as you saw kazuha enter the arcade from the entrance, you ran towards her so fast and engulfed her in your arms “zuhaaa you never told me you came heree you dont know how much i missed you” “im still here yk” chaewon pouted and crossed her arms looking at you

kazuha chuckles “I wanted it to be a suprise for you two, what are we waiting for? enough about me being here i still have to make it up to you two since i havent spent time with you guys ever since” she frowned as you and chaewon gave her a hug.

-

“taehyun you promised me your gonna win me a plushie from the claw machine right” kai giggled looking at tyun “yeah yeah whatever” taehyun responded.

“hey gyu isnt that y/n over there?” yeonjun looked at beomgyu, beomgyus gaze was on you. “be right back guys” he said and ran towards you but he overheard your convo with your friends.

“hey y/n have you and that guy bestfriend youve been friends for like what 5 years? what was his name..? oh beomgyu! have you two ever dated yet? you two were stuck together like glue.” kazuha asked you

you coughed “what? oh beomgyu! hes just a friend”

“friend, friend, friend”

was all that gyu heard from that convo, he immediately left and went to his friends and told them that he wasnt in the mood to play arcade games with them so he left early.

“why does it have to be the girl i like to friend zone me like that” gyu sighed as he slumped on his bed just thinking about you “agh fuck this is embarrassing beomgyu get yourself together” he murmured to himself.

-

same old day just beomgyu sitting on the couch with taehyun on his left and soobin on his right, “do you guys know if y/n likes anyone by any chance..” gyu asked “lol no.” soobin responded “wow thanks soobin” beomgyu scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“if i do remember her friend chaewon told me she liked someone but im just not sure who” taehyun said as he scrolled on his phone “did i hear gyu having a crush?” yeonjun teased.

“it just..pisses me off how she hasnt talked to me for 2days and now shes telling her friends that im just a friend to her..” he sighed laying his head back on the header of the couch “wait wait y/n friendzoning you?” kai chuckled “shes just saying that chaewon told me about it.”

“told you about what?” he says.

“that she likes you duhh” kai responded “come on gyu you needa step up your game its so obvious she likes you because of how shes ghosting you and saying your just a friend cause shes hiding the fact she likes you!?” kai chuckles looking at how dumbfounded beomgyu looked “OoOoo~ beomgyus inlove~” soobin and yeonjun teased him about it “shut up.” was gyus response.

beomgyu got up from the couch and went into his room opening the messages app from his phone and texted you.

“wanna meet up..? my treat :)” he sends the send button as he waits for your reply.

*buzz buzz*

his phone vibrated from your notification. “sure! what time??” you replied to his text msg “right now maybe?” gyu replied.

he got up from his bed and immediately grabbed his shoes and slipped them on and rushed out the door. “whats up with him?” taehyun said “inlove for sure” soobin added.

-

as he got In his car, he drove to your place and parked his car right infront of your house, as he gets out of the driver seat he goes up to your door *knock knock*

“coming!!” you rushed downstairs and answer the door to see beomgyu on your doorstep “hey uhm havent seen you in awhile whats the occasion for the hang out?” you smiled.

“just something i have something to tell you” gyu chuckled nervously as he opened the car door for the passenger seat for you.

you two went on a city night drive with snooze by sza playing on the radio everything was going chill and calm until gyu stopped at a park. “were here” he smiled and got out of the car to open the car door to the passenger seat.

- you two sat on a bench, silence filling up the air. “so..what were you gonna talk about?” you said breaking the silence “i’ve just been thinking..for the past few days you’ve been ignoring me and avoiding texting me which i kinda hated not gonna lie” “he giggled “but during those days I honestly realized i couldnt be myself without you talking to me for 2days i know call me dramatic but i cant live without talking to you y/n” he frowned, you honestly didnt know how to react about it.

“im sorry i havent talked to you..I- just was feeling things that i felt that was wrong i mean- ugh fuck am i really about to say this?, Im confused about my feelings gy-“ “I like you too dummy.” He responded before you could finish your sentence. you just sat there looking at him “dont look at me like that its true” he giggled “fine i admit it I like you- actually no I love you” you finally said it and oh how you felt so relieved to let those words slip out of your mouth knowing your best friend beomgyu felt the same way as you did.

“so if I like you and you like me..does that mean we’re a couple or?” gyu said as you just laughed “yes. yes gyu i would gladly be your girlfriend” you smiled at him as you gave a kiss on his cheek making his heart flutter.”

“well im glad because I love you too” he responded and kissed you, you felt a wave of shock from it and didnt know how to explain it but your lips just melted with his, his lips were soft and plush on yours. “Im so glad your mine now.” He whispered.

a/n: PHEEEEWWW I finally finished this my hands are lowkey sweating rn but I hope you guys enjoy this 🥹 I might make extra beomgyu bf texts for this later so ^^

heres sum extra gyu content added onto this ff I did!!

bf!gyu texts

[sophswritingthings]

whoever wrote that feminine reader and them buying mizu cute charms for her sword ILY 😭😭 i love the dynamic of mizu being masculine (having to pretend to be male and stuff) and reader being all feminine.

thinking about hyper-feminine reader who loves all girly stuff like hair pins, jewellery, perfumes, makeup. mizu knows this and she buys / chores them to gift reader as they travel place to place and never shames her for it, she encourages it. like reader has princess treatment 24/7. 🤤

pairing: mizu x fem!girly!reader

warning(s): swearing, but otherwise fluffy <3

a/n: yes!!!! masc/fem pairings are my favorite!!! mizu constantly gifting you thinks and encouraging your feminine interests is so cutttttteeee

summary: you and mizu have been traveling for months, and every town you stopped at you swore she bought you something new. not that you didn’t like it; it was like being a princess everyday. and being mizu's princess was the best of the best.

word count: 430 words / 2,300 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you'd been traveling for a few months; and you swore you had a whole basket full of trinkets that your lover had bought you.

mizu would try and buy you everything that you liked; hair pins, jewelry, perfume, new makeup—things that would make you happy. she loved seeing you happy.

it always made you blush, whenever she bought you something knew. seeing her care and attention to what you liked, half the time buying it without your knowledge.

she never put you down for being feminine, despite her masculinity. if anything she loved it.

though she did get a little pissed when you attempted to put make up on her; but she explained why she didn’t like it, due to her past, you stopped in your tracks and never asked again. making her uncomfortable was the last thing on your mind.

“princess?”

your heart jumped out of your chest whenever she called you that. but you knew she meant it; you were her princess. pampered and cuddled at all times.

“ah, yes, my love?” you raise an eyebrow at her. 

though you were quickly distracted by something shiny catching your eye; a hairpin with the depiction of a sun dipping down behind the waves.

she watched as the pin caught your eye; chuckling a little. she stepped over to you, slipping the pin out of its holder.

you watched as she did so; your eyes wide. you knew exactly where she was going, and what she was doing.

you smiled brightly, hugging your partner from behind as she paid for the hairpin.

part of the reason she was buying all these for you was because the hairpins did double as a weapon, if you were in trouble.

she turned, letting the hairpin roll off her palm and into your hand.

you stood on your tippy toes, placing an excited kiss to your cheek.

“you have no idea how cute you are when your excited,” she ruffled your hair, stepping back as she watched you do your hair into an updo, sticking the pin in your silky black locks.

“oh, shush. you're not much better,” you giggled. “look at you! lovesick fuck.”

she rolled her eyes, beginning to make her way out of the shop. she thanked the shopkeeper and held the door for you to step out.

“thank you sir,” you smiled as you hopped down the steps.

“and,” she hugged you tightly from behind, kissing your neck. “I may be a lovesick fuck; but I’m happy to say that I am. for you and you only, my princess.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: soft mizu…

[topichoon]

Like A Summer Breeze - Lee Heeseung

genre(s). fluff, smut, crack, and friends to lovers trope

pairing. bestfriend!heeseung x fem!reader

WARNINGS: pet names, reader shares about their insecurities, kissing, public sex (in hot tub), fingering, p in v, oral (f receiving), any more..?

a/n. I felt very in the summer mood ig sooooo I decided to write this! it was so much fun to write as well like i was enjoying it the whole time😭

The scorching hot sun shines into my room peeking through from the window. This reminds me that it’s the first day of summer break finally. Last year was my freshmen year in college and it was quite hard to adjust since I'm not good with big changes, but overtime I got used to it. Sometimes it makes me sad to think about my old friends from high school since I haven't talked to most of them for a long time, but I honestly can’t wait for what the future will bring me. I'd prefer a healthy relationship, since that's been on the top of my list for years now. I’ve had a few boyfriends in the past, but they never lasted. I try to tell myself that I just haven’t found the right one yet but when I see all of my friends happily with their relationship it makes me doubt if someone will even love for who I am.

Just like my last relationship with Choi Beomgyu, the school's frat boy whose most known to get himself around whenever he can. I should’ve known not to fall for one, but I just couldn’t help myself. Whenever a man gives me the slightest amount of attention after I've been in so many bad relationships it makes me think they actually want me. And not just for all the sexual aspects like they’ve always wanted. Of course, I like doing sexual things with my lover but when that's the only thing they truly want from me that's where I have to draw the line.

One time with my first boyfriend back in my junior year of high school, he wanted me to give it up my virginity to him, and I did because I thought he actually loved me for more than sex. But right after I gave him what he wanted, he got up and left then ghosted me. I hadn't seen him in ages since he suspiciously switched high schools but to my surprise he applied to the same college as I did. And I always see him around campus with another girl wrapped around his finger. I wonder if he changed but to my assumptions and seeing him with a new girl practically every day I wouldn't doubt if he's still the same.

That's why I’m very thankful for my best friend Heeseung, we’ve been best friends since birth basically since our moms were friends' way back when, so we were prone to being friends as well. He’s always there for me when something went wrong and reassuring me that everything going to be okay. Every time one of my relationships had ended, he was always there to comfort me. He’s sort of in the same boat as me when it comes to relationships, but as the male he isn’t the one taking advantage of the girl, it’s the exact opposite.

He hasn’t told me much about his romantic life but when he does, I make sure not to forget it because that's usually a sign that it was bad. One particular relationship with a girl he had last year was terrible. And I’ve never seen him cry so much in his entire life, which made my heart break for him to see how much he cared about her and how she just threw him to the curb.

The girl had been cheating on him their whole entire relationship but never said a word, I guess Heeseung was too oblivious to figure out right away. But I don't blame him because he was so in love and when you're truly in love you have your full trust in your significant other, which is what happened he did trust her with his entire life, but she took that for advantage. Overtime he had grew some suspicions due to her always getting back past 12am and making excuses that it was for "work" or something stupid. But the real way he found out himself was he caught her with a guy in her car late at night when he was looking out his window waiting for her to arrive back from "work". At this point when he saw those two in his car his heart shattered completely, he couldn't believe the girl he thought he was going to marry did this to him.

When he finally opened up to me and told me what happened with his ex-girlfriend, he didn’t tell me what they were doing in the car but from how upset he was I can almost guarantee it was tragic. So, what better option is there to cope than applying for an ice cream shop job on a pier. We both applied a couple weeks ago at the same time by filling out an online application, and we finally heard back a few days ago. We made it a competition to see who would get in because they were only looking for one person at the time. But to our surprise their last employee quit, so the owner reached out to us and said we were in.

Most people would take employees quitting as a negative thing, but we were just excited that we would be doing this job together for the rest of the summer. Same time, same hours, same everything. The dress code on the other hand isn’t even bad, but the owner said that we could wear whatever we wanted to since he doesn’t really care anymore as long as we’re doing our job. So, I’ll probably just settle for a bikini paired with jean shorts on the bottom because I don’t want it to be too revealing since basically all of my swimsuits are not very family friendly and technically the real job is to be serving ice cream not dressing like a prostitute for goodness sakes.

Hee 😼: You ready for our first day on the job 😭

Me: yeah…definetly😐 bro what do i do if someone tries to hit on me??!

Hee 😼: idfk! Just go along with it…? Also did you just brozone me

Me: you’ve been brozoned your whole entire life 🤣

Hee 😼: i’m. Blocking. You.

Me: NO WAIT PLEASE DONT I BEG🙏

Hee 😼: why are you begging you weirdo😟 (do it more often)

Me: okay nvm pls block me now i’m not talking to you anymore🙄

Hee 😼: you know i could never block youuu

Me: stop this lovey dovey stuff NOW my friends just asked me if we were dating.

Hee 😼: you know you wish we were dating😘

Me: ...

Hee 😼: well i’ll be there in 10 see you soon my beautiful girlfriend😜

I roll my eyes and throw my phone onto my bed and put on my pink bikini set and slid my jean shorts on. And then slide on some sandals paired with one of my seashell bracelets that Heeseung got me as a kid on our “10-year bff anniversary” or so he calls it. I always wear it no matter what even when I’m not with him.

I just feel protected whenever I wear it because I know it’s from him. And he always wears my handmade coastal styled necklace I made him everywhere he goes. I finish tying my hair back into a low braid and take a quick check in the mirror before heading to the front door. I take a peek out the front door window and see him parked in the driveway. I exit my house and go into the passenger seat.

“Hey y/nnn!” Heeseung smiles while looking over at me. I take a moment before responding because I was a bit distracted with his choice of outfit. And because he looked good. Like really good.

A white button up polo with all the buttons undone. Finished with his black shorts. He seemed to notice how long I was looking at him, so he decided to speak, “y/n~ my eyes are right here” he points to his eyes with a sly grin plastered on his face.

“Oh whatever..” I playfully roll my eyes in response to him. He laughs before backing out of my driveway. He turns and grabs my seat tightly while backing out, the grip and veins from his hand makes me think some very interesting thoughts.

But I quickly snap out of it once I realize he would think that's probably weird of me but in all honesty, my self respect is long gone just from seeing his hands if I'm going to be honest. “You look really good by the way.” Heeseung says softly, the blush on his face getting redder by the second.

“Thank you hee, you don’t look too bad yourself.” I attempt to say confidently but instead sound shy. But how could I sound confident in myself when this is THE Lee Heeseung after all. Even though we’ve been friends for many years I still get nervous around him because his aura is so damn intimidating.

My friends say it’s because I like him, but I honestly get nervous around every guy. I think it’s normal, but I guess they think otherwise. Although in their defense I did get upset and jealous when he was with another girl, but it’s solemnly because I didn’t want him to get hurt again!

We arrive at the ice cream shop 1 hour before opening so hopefully we can learn our way around and see how everything works. The shop is pretty spacious and much bigger than I expected it to be. So, I am very thankful that we came here early because if we didn't, I would not know what to do.

“Y/n if I’m going to be completely honest with you, I don’t know how to make ice cream...” Heeseung curls his lips trying to hide his laughter.

“What?! How do you not know how to make ice cream?” I look at him with my jaw dropped and a shocked look on my face totally missing his joke for being serious.

To which he returns a loud laugh and replies, “I was just messing with you! You should’ve seen the look on your face!” He continues laughing while pointing at my still confused face.

I laugh as well while shaking my head in disbelief. I can’t believe I almost thought this idiot didn’t know how to make ice cream. I mean there could be a chance but he’s not that dumb to not know how to scoop ice cream and simply put it into a cone.

We finally get all set up in the shop and get ready while standing in front of the 2 cashier registers, one for me and one for him. “Let’s make it a competition to see who can get more people to come to their register. Okay?” I challenge him with a smirk on my face.

“Game on. I already know I’m going to win.” He pats my head gently before returning back to the register since the customers are already walking inside.

We had already served a lot of customers and it was close to ending time but just before we were going to start packing up one more girl walked in. She had nice freshly done beach wave curls, along with a skimpy bikini. The more I analyzed her closely she had a way better body than me, she had bigger tits and a big ass.

As she walked in further, I could already tell who she was going to go to. Heeseung. I almost felt jealous. I already knew I wasn’t good enough for him but damn just seeing her hit hard enough. Heeseung got off his phone and looked at her.

I took a deep breath in and out, curling my lips anxiously. As she walked closer, I felt very insecure, I didn’t have big tits or a big ass they are way smaller, and I am just skinny. I mean I have a flat stomach and a good set of abs, but guys don’t seem to like that anymore from what I've seen.

She transfers her gaze away from Heeseung to me surprisingly. She smiled at me brightly and came to my register. I was quite startled to be honest because I wasn’t expecting her to go to mine. I was so sure she was going to go try and hit on Heeseung but I thought wrong.

“Hello! I was wondering if I could have 2 mint ice cream cones, please?” She looks at me softly.

I quickly nod and type it all up into the register getting the total. Heeseung goes to the back and starts scooping up the ice cream.

“Will that be all for you today?” I return her smile and wait for her response.

To which she nods, “yes! My girlfriend and I are on vacation here, so we decided to stop here!” She says cheerily. I nod and grab her card from her swiping it across the side and return it back to her.

Oh my god. I was jealous of someone who was already in a happy relationship. How fucking sick am I; I should’ve known not to be jealous of someone at first glance. But in this case...I was.

Heeseung brings the ice cream cones up to the front and she grabs them from his hands saying a quiet “thank you” and walks out.

When she walks out Heeseung turns and looks at me and walks over “you were jealous weren’t you?” He chuckles while shutting down the registers.

“Why are you asking?” I question him out of curiosity. Quite confused why he would ask this out of the blue. But also, I wanted to know how he knew was it clear on my face that I was?!

“It was pretty obvious y/n,” he laughs quietly in between “but just know you’re beautiful just the way you are ynnie..I would pick you over anybody else if you gave me the chance...” he walks over to my and hugs me from behind.

“And also…I love your body.” He runs his hands up and along the side of my torso. “So, if you ever are insecure about yourself, just know I think you’re fucking hot and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.” He buries his face into my neck while saying this.

“Just so you know if that girl was trying to hit on me or make any moves, I would’ve shut her down right away.” Heeseung’s warm breath hitting my neck causing shivers to get sent down my spine.

"And also...I won~" He pulls away smirking and collects his tips from the tip jar. While I just stand there completely dumbfounded from everything that just happened.

HEESEUNG’S POV

Ever since I hit puberty, I saw y/n in a completely different way than before. I felt this romantic connection with her, and it never went away no matter how many relationships I got in. And sometimes it feels like she actually wants me, but other times it feels the exact opposite. Like she could honestly care less about me and just ditch me for someone else better than me. It's hard to understand her you know. Which is why I've tried so hard to not have feelings for her because I know it would never work out, we're best friends and she probably just wants to stay that way. Which I'm completely fine with it hurts to think that way but I would never force her into something that she wouldn't want.

I tried at least to prove my feelings for her last night at the ice cream shop by calling her “gorgeous” and “hot”, so if she does supposedly happen to have feelings for me, she would know I feel the same way. But I don’t think she got the memo and she most likely thought I was just being nice to her or something. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes if it means I can have her. Yesterday when I noticed her looking upset when that one girl walked in, I immediately felt bad. I want her to know that I wouldn’t choose any other girl over her.

It will always be her.

Y/N’S POV

It’s been about 2 months since we started the job and its now August. The last month of summer before we'll have to go back to college and go our separate ways again. Time flew by so fast, and I’m so upset that it’s almost coming to an end.

Sadly, we don’t go to same university, so we won’t be able to see each other as often. But last year we did manage to make it work as we facetimed frequently and hung out about once a month in person. If I’m telling the truth I don’t think that was enough time. But I’m glad to have the summer so we can grow back closer again before we grow apart over the school year just like last year.

Me: hee! do you wanna hangout today?

Hee 😼: yesss where?

Me: I was thinking your house? Because I know you got a hot tub recently 🤭

Hee 😼: dang I should’ve known you didn’t want to go because of me🥲🥲

Me: says who? Maybe I did want to see you as well🤷‍♀️

Hee 😼: knew you did😮‍💨 but so do I 🫣

Me: okay well I’ll be there in 5 does that work for you?

Hee 😼: anything works for me when it comes to you

Me: hmm okay then perf😩 I’ll see you soon

Hee 😼: bye ynnieee

I pull up to his house and get out of my car. Walking up to his door I quickly readjust my bikini as it was all over the place and showing basically everything from the car ride. Partially from being my most revealing bikini I have, but if I want to impress Heeseung that’s the way to go, I guess. And it's the last few weeks of summer so if I want to get his attention I don't have forever before he finds another girl on his campus.

I ring his doorbell and wait patiently but definitely not for long. Before I know it the door is already flung all the way open. Revealing a tall and handsome guy which is Heeseung.

He gestures me inside and shuts the door behind me. I catch him checking me out and it’s blatantly obvious to me. I grab his jaw and move his head up so now he’s looking into my eyes. When I get a clearer look at his face I notice his burning red cheeks. How cute…

He looks down at my lips for a split second then looks back up at my eyes. Licking his lips, his eyes are filled with need and desire. But I’m not going to give him that, yet I’ll make him work for it just like I've had to basically my whole life trying to get him to like me. I let go of his jaw and smile at his disappointed reaction.

“Wanna go in the hot tub now?” I ask him excitedly. Waiting for his answer he interlocks his fingers with mine and nods his head.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He mumbles. He leads me to his newly finished backyard.

We make it to the hot tub and he asks me, “what color lights do you want in the hot tub” he gulps before finishing his sentence “there’s blue, red—“

I cut him off before he can finish saying the colors before I blurt out “red.” He looks at me a little surprised but smirk’s instantly when he gets the memo.

He grabs the light switch cord and changes it to red and turns on the jets. I go to the stairs and slowly walk into the hot tub, getting used to the warm temperature. Heeseung walks behind me very closely.

We both sit on one of the ledges inside the hot tub and I turn to look at him. “Thanks again hee for letting me come over,” I say smiling widely.

“Anytime, I love seeing you as much as I can.” Heeseung fidgets with his fingers nervously. Of course, I notice this, so I decide to scoot a littl closer to him. Maybe he’ll get what I’m implying, I hope.

And to my surprise he does notice, and his cheeks feel like they’re on fire. “You know if you wanted to sit on my lap, you could’ve just asked?” He builds up the courage to ask.

I look at him with a small smirk and get on his lap like he said. His hands almost instantly go on my thighs massaging the inner corners. No man has ever taken their time to touch me like this, they just fucked me raw. But Heeseung…I’m determined to figure out how he fucks.

Our lips connect and move together at a perfect rhythm. It’s almost as if our lips were made for each other. Heeseung continues rubbing my inner thighs making me moan in between kisses. He inserts his tongue in my mouth, roaming all around. He tastes so sweet I’m addicted to his lips at this point. His lips so soft and plush and they work absolute miracles.

His hands working their way dangerously close to my throbbing core. Fuck I am so into this, I know this is wrong and this will ruin our friendship. But I could care less, the way he’s teasing me with his every movement makes me want him even more.

“Do you want this...?” Heeseung asks carefully before going further. I nod quickly but that doesn’t faze him. “Words yn.” He waits for me to actually confirm verbally.

“Yes, I want this so bad hee!” I whine desperately. He wastes no time before removing my bikini bottoms and starts rubbing my clit. Starting at a slow pace then working the speed faster overtime.

He takes one of my tits and wastes no time before taking it all into his mouth. He sucks on it likes it’s his last day on earth. His free hand playing with my other nipple making sure it doesn’t feel left out. He softly bites down on my nipple that’s in his mouth making me whimper in return.

My head drops back into his shoulder from the pleasure. His fingers felt so good, almost too good to be true. Along with his mouth working wonders his tongue licking all over my tit. The way he was doing so much to me at once made my eyes roll back.

He continues these movements before inserting one finger in. The feeling of his finger going inside me makes me go insane. A fleeted moan exits my body as he plunges another finger in.

“Doing so good ynnie…” he says in a dark huskily voice his voice vibrating on my tit. Thrusting his fingers in and out while my moans get louder. His fingers going deeper inside of me at a quick tempo makes my mind wander to how his dick would feel inside me.

“Fuck! I’m s-so close heeseungie..” I cry out my body squirming all over his clothed cock. Heeseung's swim trunks suddenly becoming 3x too tight from how painfully hard he is getting just from hearing these beautiful sounds come out of my mouth and the feeling of my warm walls clenching against his fingers.

“Oh yeah? Come on cum all over my fingers...” he whispers darkly in my ear.

Those words made me cum right away, immediately coating his fingers with my sweet juices. Part of me can’t believe I’m doing this but the other part of me wants to discover more.

He removes his mouth off my tit while placing one last peck on my nipple and says, “did so good f’me fuck, can’t wait to see how good you’ll feel around my cock.” He takes off his swim trunks and grabs my hips.

He lines me up and I slowly sink down onto his cock. His long shaft going further into me and going places no other man could ever reach. I wait for my gummy walls to adjust to his big size and length before I do anything.

“Okay I’m ready.” I breath out giving him the okay to start going.

He wastes no time before gripping tighter onto my hips and making me ride him. I grab onto the sides of the ledge inside the hot tub and grind my body along his lap. This throws him over the edge, and he moans.

My tight hole clenching down on his cock tightly that he just can’t get enough of. He bucks his hips up making me whine, “sorry baby you just feel too good...” his noises become more audible as I start bouncing up and down on his long cock.

“F-fuck..I’m going to cum if you keep doing that yn.” His head throws back his hands traveling all around my body. Once he says those words I speed up, his thickness stretching me out, but the pleasure gets rid of all the pain.

“Shit— I'm going to cum yn.. cum with me,” Heeseung grunted while his fingers dig deeper into my skin sure to leave marks the next morning.

“How about me make this a little more exciting,” he pauses building the anticipation “let’s do a countdown...” he growled bringing his face closer to my revealed neck. Placing love bites and hickies all over my collarbone.

“5….” Heeseung’s thrusts becoming rougher and reaching undiscovered spots.

Wet moans release my mouth from the way his tip is hitting all the right places. From the way he is breathing and groaning I can tell this countdown is as hard for him and it is for me. “4...come on you can do this yn” his eyes shut close at the extreme pleasure.

The way I’m clenching so tightly on his cock makes him go feral. He doesn’t know if he can even last 5 seconds because he needs to cum now. “Fuck— 3…” moans and grunts filling the area that the neighbors can for sure hear.

But we could care less the only thing we’re focused on is trying not to cum. Thank goodness his parents weren’t home today because they usually are since Heeseung has to go back to university in a week.

“2.... we're so close just keep holding on baby...” he rasps his voice low and dark.

“1...” the moment this leaves his voice is when I completely come undone onto his cock. Along with his warm seed spreading all over my insides.

Our breaths heavy and clothes gone if anyone looked out their window, they would now what just happen. But thankfully no one did, and we stay like this for a couple more minutes before we start collected our swim pieces.

He helps me tie my bikini top on along with my bottoms so we can look at least good enough to walk back in the house. Before getting his swim trunks back on he places a small kiss on my neck.

"Holy shit...I can't believe we just did that— but that was the best sex I've ever had in my entire life..." he chuckles while tying his swim trunks.

"Yeah, me either...but I do have to agree with you that was fucking amazing." I nod agreeingly watching him adjust his trunks and shake his wet hair.

"Here we should probably go inside so I can clean you up..." He grabs my waist and helps me get out of the hot tub since my legs basically feel just like Jello. That was most definitely the best fuck I've ever and probably ever will experience. And I am more than thankfully I had this opportunity before it was too late.

We walk in the house together to our relief his parents weren't home since they were on a business trip for a month. So, we went into the bathroom and undressed ourselves once again like earlier. I would love to do that again but I'm not quite sure if he can handle it.

He turns on the water and waits for it to get warm enough before we walk in. I immediately spot a ledge inside the shower and sit on it. I lean my head back and close my eyes. It's not long before I feel something wet lapping at my clit. So, I quickly look down and see a needy Heeseung desperately sucking on my clit. I smile and put my hands in his hair tugging slightly to give him a sign that I see him doing this. When he feels me pull on his hair he goes faster. Eating me out like it's his last meal but I am not complaining because this man is pussy drunk at its fullest.

The shower filled with echoes of my moans and whines making Heeseung proud to know he is making me feel this way. He is so determined to make me cum again and from the way he is sucking on my swollen clit and inserting his tongue in my entrance makes me almost positive I will.

"Pussy tastes so fucking good..." he groans while thrusting his tongue in and out of my hole. The vibrations of his voice on my clit makes me let out a wet moan.

"Fuck— f-faster! Heeseungie please..." I grip his hair tighter and start riding his face desperately. Heeseung smirks and tongue fucks me just how I asked for.

"I'm gonna c-cum!!" I whine bucking my hips upwards and slamming my eyes shut tightly.

"C'mon darling...cum on my face." His slurps and words being the only thing I can focus on at the moment. Everything around me feels like it's spinning from how good I feel.

I let out a breath and do as he says. Cumming all over his pretty face with my warm juices. "So good f'me..." he licks around his lips where some of my cum landing. Trying not to waste a single drop because he is so addicted to the taste.

We finished the rest of the shower washing each other's bodies off making sure not to miss any spots. But we ended up going for a round 2 anyways due to him getting hard and horny from washing my body. Later that night he had asked me to be his girlfriend and expressed his feelings he had for me ever since he was a kid, and I of course said yes. At last, we understood our feelings towards each other, and I was almost certain this relationship was going to last.

Ever since then work has been so much funnier and enjoyable when working together because we both had finally realized our feelings towards each other. We spent more time together outside of work and slept at each other's houses very often. Which was basically every single day, it's as if we were making up for all the lost time we could've spent together if we had expressed our feelings sooner. But in all honesty, we were just so in love that we didn't want to go without one another.

But of course, with every good that happens there is always a bad that follows with it. Summer break ends in a week which would mean we would have to separate for an entire school year. I knew it would be hard, but I was determined to make it work and so was he. I just hoped that it wouldn't be like last year when by the end of the year we barely talked to each other at all. But I have higher hopes this time that it will work out since we are actually official now.

Because I will always love him the first time and the last time. Forever and forever till death do us apart. I know he is the one for me which is why it took me a bit to realize it was him. Lee Heeseung. My one and only love. He has proven so many times this as well, he is such a gentleman and we even told our parents, and they were so happy for us. They had told us they knew this moment would come eventually which made me laugh because I had heard their conversations before about me and Heeseung and this topic was definitely brought up more than once.

The week had already passed, and it was now time to get back to college. I cried the whole day and Heeseung did as well, it felt as if it were too soon for us to leave each other. I knew it wouldn't be forever but it made it even harder knowing our colleges are very far apart so we couldn't just visit each other in person on a regular daily basis.

The first to go was Heeseung since his college was the farthest away, so he had to get going earlier than I did. It broke my heart seeing him load away his luggage's into the trunk because it made me really remember that we're separating. This whole summer we had grew so close, closer than any summer we've spent together. And to know that we're just going to grow back apart anyways.

I feel a small tear roll down my left cheek, the saltiness of it burning my skin. There was so many emotions I was feeling at once which made me so overwhelmed that I just was numb. What I do know for sure is that no matter how tough it will be to keep this relationship going I won't stop trying to make this relationship work.

He slams the trunk door shut quite loudly making me bite my lip realizing it was because he doesn't want to leave either. And is trying to take out his anger on regular things that have to be shut hard in his attempt to try and disguise it. But instead, I see right through his actions.

He walks over to me with tearfilled eyes and immediately wraps his arms around me hugging me tightly.

"I can't leave you..." He sobs into my neck. It hurts me to see him like this and I wish I could do something about it but I really can't.

"And also...I have something for you yn," he grabs out a necklace and places it in my hand, "don't open it until I'm gone, okay?" he waits for me to answer and I return him a quick nod.

He gives one last tight squeeze and long kiss before he has to leave. While opening the door he turns and waves at me while blowing a kiss. He turns back around and sits down into the seat. His driver slowly backs out of the driveway, and I see the faint outline of Heeseung's hand in the tinted window and I give a small wave back.

Since he is gone, I take out the necklace he gave me and take a further look at it. It's a heart shaped necklace and it has an opening; I open the heart and see a photo of us together from a long time ago.

But I notice something about the photo it's the summer of us when we were kids, but the specific day is when he kissed me. I now remember it all so clearly, the memories of us when we were out swimming in the ocean, and he "accidentally" kissed me.

I went out to deep in the ocean and couldn't swim very well so he had to swim out and rescue me. While bringing me back to shore he pressed a soft and short kiss on my lips he claimed that he "slipped on one of the rocks" but I always knew he was lying. Which I found super cute and adorable of him and it's also how I realized my true feelings and really understood who they were for. And of course it was for Heeseung.

I look next to the photo on my necklace and spot some writing on it. The words say,

To my one true love, who made me realize what love is actually like. I’ve always liked you more than you ever knew. In the end I’ve always wanted it to be. I love you so much yn. It’s you, it’s always been and always will be.

From: Lee Heeseung ♡︎

He went in and out of my life just like a summer breeze.

[prettyoatmeal]

hiiiii! i have a request for bimbo reader x simon?? (totally feel free to ignore this if ur not comfortable) like the 141 guys go out to a bar and simon's a lil tipsy so he calls his gf to pick him up? (ofc the guys dont know he has a gf) and she's like the exact opposite of simon 😀 and maybe she's not the sharpest tool in the shed ((:

love! - 🦷anon

Warning!! Fem reader, she/her pronouns used A/N: Anon i love you for requesting this. Bimbo reader owns my heart. I wrote this super quickly so please bear w me. Masterlist here!

It wasn't uncommon for Simon to be dragged along to the pubs with his mates. Have a few drinks alongside maybe a nice schnitzel or pie, just the usual normally. Though, not for Simon these days, knowing full well your cooking will bring him more satisfaction than the bistro's kitchen ever could.

After so long of service, all he wanted was to collapse on top of you and hear you squeal. He wanted was to hear you giggle that he's too heavy and 'Simon, get off! You're squishing me!' then eventually fall asleep to you cradling his head to your chest.

When the group begged him to come along, for 'old times sake' as if they don't go every time they're back from deployment, he reluctantly agreed even if he desperately wanted to get back to his girl. Though he couldn't deny the lingering feeling of being a little more homesick than usual.

They didn't know of course, but that wasn't to any fault of theirs. It wasn't a secret, nor public information. You just hadn't come up in conversation yet, and he wasn't one to spill his life anyway.

It was a miracle you two had clicked so easily, Simon always thinking he'd prefer a more reserved lover than you were. But he was enamoured with you, your bubbliness complimenting his silence.

He loved that you found so much happiness in your lifestyle, happiness in your appearance, wearing pink and short skirts and your wrists jingling with each step from all your bracelets and bangles. You were a stark contrast to his dull appearance, instantly brightening him up whenever you stood by his side. You didn't mind though, you were happy to be the one wearing bright colours for the both of you.

And when you, out of all people his team figured Simon's love interest could've been, they were surprised.

He found himself a little too tipsy, a little too dizzy to walk himself home, he was a little nervous to call you. Not because he was ashamed or anything, but just that he knew that he'd never hear the end of Johnny and Kyle's endless playful teasing.

With an old fashioned in his right hand and his cell in the left, he almost didn't want to put down the phone, struggling to not melt in his seat from the sound of your sweet voice talking to him over the phone.

While the boys were chatting loudly about how good the food is tonight, you were all he wanted. He couldn't help it when he was so used to you talking him to sleep about your day, the new shoes or purse you bought, what you ate for lunch.

Hearing you say "I'll see you in a bit, Si. Love you!" was only making him get more and more butterflies in his stomach by the second.

Walking into the pub, you stuck out immediately to the mostly male attendees. With your usual short dress that hugged your curves perfectly, a fluffy jacket and knee-high boots to match (which you obviously took off and put on again so you could properly press the pedals). You needed keep yourself warm SOMEHOW.

Looking around to spot Simon, he couldn't be happier once making eye contact with you. So when you walked up to him, Gaz, Price and Soap all exchanging looks, thinking you were perhaps lost. That was until their eyes darted to Simon as he stood up from his stool.

"Ride's here. Gotta go, lads."

"Did you say goodbye to your friends?" You asked him in a small voice, giving them a little wave and smile as your first introduction to them. And as he stood up, you wrapped your arm around his waist. Course, you wouldn't have really been able to keep him upright if your life depended on it, but it was the thought that counts.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Soap pipes up, a shit eating grin on Gaz's face as he spoke, Price more sceptical with an eyebrow raised, "who's this bonnie lass here?"

"My girl." His response was short and simple, "pretty one, isn' she?"

More and more questions come flooding from them. How long have you two been together, how come he's never talked about you before, how on earth did you two meet? Their curiosity had been peaked.

You happily answered their questions, obviously loving the attention they were giving you, though not without a few confirming looks from Simon, careful to not share anything he wasn't comfortable with. As you chatted with his teammates, his friends, the nerves he felt at the beginning had faded away into nothingness.

They loved you right off the bat, finding your outgoing and cheerful attitude endearing. Giving his friend a few cheers and comments, it was almost time to leave.

"Don't know how you scored such a beaut, sir."

"Aye, dinnae think you were the type."

"Take care of her, Simon." Price gave him a proud look that he could easily recognise even through his drunken state.

They were all proud of him, wide smiles on their faces, as they watched your smaller figure getting into the drivers seat of the massive land cruiser you two shared... and maybe a few laughs and snickers as you somehow managed to bump your head on the side while getting in, realising you weren't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

After making sure you were alright, his stomach settled. He was finally home with you, a warm feeling filling him.

[hispg]

Between royalty and vows

Pairings: Prince! Leon x Fem! Reader

Summary: A forced marriage, a fate set in stone, nothing could change that.

In the world of royalty, there were no choices, only obligations to fulfill. What you didn't expect was to become engaged to a renowned prince, ready to succeed the lineage.

Until that moment, you still had some hope that everything would work out, maybe it wasn't so bad. But it would be a shame if your future husband had a mistress.

Wouldn't it?

Wc:3.4k

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt/ comfort, cheating, arranged marriage, eventual smut, one-sided love, affairs, manipulative behavior from Leon, (I'll put more once things start to progress).

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

An: Sooo there is the new chapter! I was so anxious to write it and post it! In all honesty, this is the chapter that I most liked to write(so far).

I've been receiving some dms about creating a taglist, so I'll do it from the next chapter and on. If you're interested in entering the tag list, you can dm me or comment on any chapters of this fic, and I'll add you. For the ones who already talked to me, I'll put you on the list already, so you don't need to message me again!<3

Also, I'll start to crosspost this fic here and on Ao3, for the ones who prefer to read in there. Here's the link Ao3. Eventually, I'll post all chapters!

Chapter 5: Pretty lies

The heavy rain outside was no bother to the couple in bed, just as the cold was no problem that couldn't be solved with the intimacy that had just been shared under the covers.

There he was, lying with his lover, Ashley. Warming another woman's bed, offering her the warmth that his body emanated, the love that made her heart beat faster every time.

Both were nude, without the slightest concern for anything, all that mattered was what had just happened in that room. The closeness they shared, the oaths of love spoken between each kiss, between each embrace.

They had just made love, done something that was yet another symbol of the compromising union they contained.

Leon hadn't gone back to the castle as soon as he arrived back from his trip, he had gone to his beloved's house, a hidden place that only they knew where it was, only the lovebirds met there.

It was their love nest.

The same place where Ashley gave herself to him for the first time, the same sacred place where they made love whenever they could. The place where they loved each other deeply, where they didn't have to hide anything.

Ashley lay with her head on Leon's bare chest, while he had one arm wrapped around her and the other stroking her blonde hair.

The only sound in the room was the wood cracking in the fireplace and the soft breathing of both of them in that bed.

The clothes were thrown about, the silk covers hiding their shame, but if Leon was being honest, he couldn't think of a better place to be.

Because he felt at home every time he was with Ashley, even if he knew it was wrong.

And he was screwed if anyone found out.

"Are you staying?" Ashley asks in a whisper, taking the opportunity to place a soft kiss on his chest.

Leon gives her a blown smile, looking at her tenderly, "I'd love to. But you know I can't."

It was already too bold of him to come to this place to spend time with her, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't go along with her every whim.

Especially as the wedding was approaching, and he was dead if he didn't show up.

She sighed helplessly, knowing full well that this would be the answer from the start. But in all honesty, what did she expect? Despite her misfortunes, she was the mistress.

"I promise I'll try to see you more, mh? My wife won't be the problem, don't worry." Leon reassured her, kissed her on the forehead and got up, soon he would be getting ready to leave.

Although he wanted to be with her for even five more minutes, he would give all the money in the world to make it happen.

"Does she know about us?" Ashley asked, picking up the blanket and covering her bare midriff.

That was enough for Leon to clench his eyes shut, buttoning his pants as he stared at her.

"She can't even conceive of it. You know our deal." It was a good deal for both sides, not least because Leon didn't even want to imagine what Ashley's father would do to him once he found out what he and his daughter were doing behind closed doors.

Ashley then sighed, the blonde strands falling across her forehead as she thought for a moment.

"Do you think you can still see me after you're married?" She asks softly, almost embarrassed by her own question.

"I'll always find a way, don't worry." He says, the sincere smile that became the perfect proof that he was saying this from the bottom of his soul.

It was always a painful farewell, but Leon knew it was necessary for him to do it. Once he'd put all his clothes back on, he turned to Ashley, taking her in his arms and planting a gentle, passionate kiss on her lips. He also made a point of pressing his body against hers to leave his cologne on her.

It wasn't enough to have his smell on the silk sheets, he needed to leave his mark on her too.

Goodbyes aside, he knew he had to leave, the sun was rising, and if he wanted to get back to the castle before it was too late, he had to leave now.

As he took the steps to leave the small chalet in the Italian countryside, where no one suspected them, he took one last look at his beloved, giving her a broad smile as he said goodbye.

Watching Ashley go all wobbly as he walked out the front door. She sighed as her lover left, waving to him and looking dreamily out of the window.

Leon walked up to the discreet carriage that was waiting for him in front of the cottage, besides the coachman, there was Leon's faithful butler, Ausdret.

And also his worst accomplice, the butler who always covered up everything Leon did, no matter how stupid it might seem or be.

"Your Highness." Ausdret greeted, leading Leon to the carriage.

"It's good that you're here." Leon replies back, tucking himself into the small carriage.

His butler nods and sits down on the opposite seat, facing Leon. Even though Ausdret knew that no one could put a halter on Leon, he was still trying to talk some sense into his young, dim-witted head.

"Your Highness do you not think it is inappropriate to maintain this relationship?" Ausdret asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Leon scoffed, narrowing his gaze at the poor butler, acting as if he had said the worst blasphemy that could be heard.

"Come on, you're a braggart too. Don't act like you're a kind gentleman with exemplary decorum." Leon retorts, crossing his legs as he fixes the buttons on his shirt once more.

Ausdret couldn't help but sigh, trying his best to make Leon understand how problematic it would be to keep all this up.

"Prince, you have a fiancée now. This relationship is no longer suitable." The butler said once again, pausing and emphasizing his lines, it wasn't possible that this was so difficult to understand.

"Well, it'll last as long as I want it to. You know better than that." Leon says, an unparalleled coldness in his voice, it was obvious, this subject was not up for discussion for him.

Ausdret always thought that this was just a youthful romance of Leon's, in fact he never thought that it would thrive for so long, for years. Leon was a man who could have any woman he wanted, not only because of the power he possessed, but also because of his beauty.

However, what the butler couldn't have guessed was that Leon would fall in love with Lady Ashley, a princess from another place. A likely romance, but love doesn't work properly in royalty.

"But Your Highness-" Leon interrupts Ausdret before he can continue.

"I am the prince, and you collaborate with me." Leon begins, his voice becoming an authoritative, voracious whisper.

"As I'm your highness, you must agree that you didn't see anything unusual. That I was on a business trip these last few days." Leon says, his gaze narrowing once more on the servant.

What could Ausdret say? He had always supported this boy, and even with a lump forming in his throat, he wasn't going to do any different again.

The butler knew that this situation wasn't fair to you, nor to Ashley, it would only end up with broken hearts and a quarrel that couldn't be undone.

Perhaps Leon was too young to understand this, but at some point fate would catch up with him.

"So? Did you see anything?" Leon asked, almost daring him to give an answer that was the opposite of what he wanted to hear.

"No, Your Highness. I didn't see anything suspicious." Ausdret replied under his breath, closing his eyes and shaking his head in denial.

"Good." Leon grumbles back.

The journey wouldn't take long, but Ausdret already knew that the rest of the way would be filled with the ache of an inconvenient silence.

You knew you'd end up getting into trouble with your recent actions, but that still didn't stop you from going ahead with them. At that moment you were in the grassy fields on the outskirts of the castle.

It was easy to get here, you just needed the help of Chris and your maid, Evelyn. Nothing more than a silly little lie to disguise your departure.

The view was beautiful, you felt almost at home in a place like this. You were sitting on the horse while Chris guided the animal, walking through the grass carefully while also keeping an eye on you.

You couldn't tell if you were approaching Chris out of hurt ego, or because he was someone incredibly interesting and good to have around.

Perhaps you had combined the useful with the pleasant, because in all honesty, you couldn't deny that you were enjoying all this time with Chris, even feeling more at peace with yourself.

"Well, at least you escaped the tea party." Chris jokes, looking at you with a smile.

You nod, smiling back at him.

"God, I can't imagine what it would be like to spend another afternoon with Mrs. Hisltons!" You grumble, frowning as you remember all the tedious conversations the lady has put you through.

Chris couldn't help himself and laughed out loud, looking at you with those beautiful brown eyes.

"Oh, tell me about it. As soon as I got here, she gave me a good lecture on why I should get married." Chris says with a playful tone, walking slowly with you through the pastures.

You smiled a little, petting the horse as a question popped into your mind.

"But, forgive me for being impolite, but why haven't you gotten married yet?" You asked calmly, giving him the opportunity not to answer if he didn't want to.

"Nothing in particular, I just haven't found any suitors that catch my eye." He says, without much ado, getting straight to the point.

You'd think someone as cultured as him would want a woman who knew a bit more than just dresses and jewelry. Completely fair and understandable.

But you still can't help thinking that Chris was alone by choice, it wouldn't be the first time a man had preferred being alone to being married.

"I understand, but is it something you're thinking of doing? I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive." You say with a peaceful smile, trying to get to know the man you've grown so close to over the last few days.

Chris then paused and pondered, thinking of an answer that would measure up. But he couldn't think of anything more sincere than:

"Yes, I intend to." Just like that, or any other explanation.

But you saw his eyes light up a little when he looked at you for a brief moment, making you quietly gasp.

You then returned your gaze to your surroundings, the countryside that was such a contrast to the life you had. Which was far from peaceful.

Although you knew it shouldn't take you so long to get back to the castle, as they would probably notice you were gone, you could stubbornly stay here with him.

With Chris, the man who had been giving you so much comfort recently.

Chris then looked at you with a charming gaze, helping you off the horse. His hands found your waist, steadying you as you got off the animal.

Feeling his heavy, manly hands on your body made you feel something different, but you preferred not to mention it. Not least because you were being completely inappropriate for a dame.

You allowed yourself to feel the ground beneath your heels, removing the footwear from your body, feeling the grass between your toes.

The thought of returning to your new home was already distant, you could even swear that you forgot about Leon for just a moment. You forgot about the fact that he was coming back today.

And that he would be back around noon. And it was almost two in the afternoon, he was probably already at the castle by then.

But well, what would be the point of sneaking out of the castle with the Duke if not for a bit of confusion.

"You know, this is turning out to be one of the nicest afternoons I've had." Chris says, smiling and following you as you walk across the lawn.

"Oh, yes. It's nice to get out of that place for a bit." You say, looking at the sun, which is already descending.

Chris followed you, keeping an eye on every step. And you even saw out of the corner of your eye that he tried to take your hand, but hesitated to make such an intimate gesture.

You even heard the trumpets sounding in the distance, announcing the prince's arrival, but nothing that made you move from where you were.

And well, from the way Chris stood next to you as you watched the landscape of the field, he wouldn't leave until you asked him to.

At one point, you thought it would be better to leave, perhaps so as not to cause Chris any trouble. But the moment Chris's fingers touched your cheek, and he tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear, something in you sparked.

It was impossible to hide the red tinge that appeared on your cheeks, as well as the way you just ignored everything else. Everything seemed right.

You were surrendered, and you didn't want to leave this man's side. What on earth were you doing?

Why did you feel so torn? It couldn't end well.

"Where is she?" It was the first question Leon asked as soon as he set foot in the castle, finding it strange that his fiancée wasn't here to greet him.

"The princess isn't feeling well, Your Highness." Evelyn, the maid who helped you escape, answered.

Leon wrinkled his eyebrows, glancing at the door of your chambers, he hadn't quite believed that excuse.

"Tell her I'll come and see her. She doesn't have to leave her room." Leon says, looking at the way the maid was beginning to shudder.

"She's really not well, Your Highness-" Leon didn't care how much the maid protested, he went ahead and went to your bedroom.

He opened the door without any manners, looking around as he searched for any sign of you. But he was disappointed when he found your bed empty, the room perfectly tidy and untouched. You hadn't been in that room for a while.

Your lie was already falling apart, as they say lies don't go far.

"Where is she?" Leon asked once again, this time more coldly and authoritatively, demanding an answer.

"I don't know! She was here this morning." The maid manages to stutter, unable to face Leon.

Leon clenched his fists, frustration and irritation taking over his feelings. You were getting out of hand, it wasn't enough that you'd been so bold with Chris, now this?

Even though he was away, he knew everything that was going on in that castle, and he couldn't let it continue the way it was.

Who did you think you were?

"Have her searched all over the castle." Leon demanded, leaving your room to look for you.

As soon as Leon saw that the maid hadn't moved a muscle, he added:

"Immediately." His voice was a low grunt, capable of sending a chill down anyone's spine.

The maid moved quickly, warning the other servants about the princess's 'disappearance', and they all stood by to look for you.

Nothing. They looked for you in every corner of that castle, every room, every space you could be in. And they found nothing, not a single sign of you.

Leon was fulminating, realizing that you and the Duke weren't in that castle. And you probably weren't close.

"We haven't found her, Your Highness. The princess isn't in the castle." One of the servants dares to speak, trembling at having to address the prince.

"What do you mean she's not in the castle?" Leon muttered, looking out the windows while trying to find you somehow.

And Leon had to stop himself from gritting his teeth as he watched the scene with his own eyes. You came in through the back door, a delicate hood over your head to disguise your identity.

You were sitting on Chris's horse, smiling happily as the man led the horse inside. You seemed so close, so intimate.

Something about it made Leon go crazy, he can't say, but some strange feeling rose in his chest and made a knot form in the pit of his stomach.

What were you thinking? You were a lady, Jesus! You should behave like one.

"You are dismissed, return to your duties." Leon says to the other servants, leaving no room for questions.

Drastic situations call for drastic measures, only then will you be able to understand your place. And how you should act as a future queen.

Leon waited, right in the center of the main hall, he decided he would act as if he hadn't seen anything. He felt his breathing quicken, heard the sound of his heartbeat in his ears.

He didn't know if it was anger, disappointment or something else.

You didn't realize he was there until you saw the pair of blue eyes looking you up and down, for some reason sending a shiver up your spine.

"I was worried about you." He was the first to speak, approaching you without a second thought.

"Excuse me, Your Highness. I needed some fresh air." You say, your voice smooth as silk, sweet as honey.

You needed to act as if nothing much had really happened, as if you hadn't gone off with the Duke alone, without letting anyone know.

Even more so, going out alone with a man.

Leon narrows his eyes, placing a hand on your waist, pulling you close. His touch made you gasp, your eyes widen and your breathing hitch, at the same moment you felt your breath mingle with his.

For a moment, you looked at each other, his penetrating gaze causing an incomparable flush to rise to your cheeks. His hands on your body, one holding your cheek, steadying you to do what he wanted to do.

What was he going to do? Oh, you realized it in the next second, when you saw his face coming closer to yours. His nose touching yours, and then, that's when…

He kissed you.

His lips against yours, his hand holding you firmly and preventing you from moving. It was unconscious, instinctive, you moved your lips in sync with his. Your arms wrapped around his neck, and you sealed this moment with the warm intimacy of a kiss.

It wasn't sincere, it was carnal.

The world around you seemed to stop, you were focused on the warm feeling that took over your body, the way the heat of the moment enveloped you. Your body molded itself to his so well, it was so perfect.

As if it was meant to be.

It was painful to separate your lips from his, your mind in a whirlwind of emotions. Was it real? Had he reconsidered? Maybe he was going to give you both a chance?

You were a very dreamy girl perhaps, those endless dreams that you wished from the bottom of your soul were real, that you clamored for to come true at some point.

But oh, that little act, it was far from a dream.

When you regained your senses, you looked around and saw a group of high-class ladies staring at the two of you. The dreamy looks and sighs they gave when they saw the couple, the passionate couple.

In the corner, you saw the king and queen, smiling approvingly at the two of you. They were proud.

A show off.

Reality weighed heavily on your mind when you understood. It was nothing, it was a show off, an exhibition. The momentary magic wore off and gave way to the bitterness that once again fell upon you.

Whose fault was it? Yours, for having once again believed in the foolishness that was Leon's chance of seeing you beyond being a prize. Or Leon, for toying with you in such a way?

In any case, what a shame. The taste of his lips was imprinted on yours, the sensation of his lips against yours was still so vivid. So real. You felt loved in a few seconds, putting yourself in your place soon after.

With one simple action, Leon reminded you of who you belong to, legally, and also reminded you of your place. Of your obligations to him, he came out the winner once again.

Damned bastard.

[theyungihven]

The Demon's Infatuation • Sex Demon Yunho

CHAPTER 1

↬ pairing: dom demon yunho x sub female reader

↬ genre: smut, romance

↬ warnings: breeding kink, cream pie, pain kink, unprotected sex, hip bruises, biting kink, slut-shaming, choking kink, hard core dom yunho, yunho is OBSSESSED,

↬ word count: 1.2K+

↬ author’s note: this full novel length fic is a dedication to my boyfriend alex and the demon that visited me at night two years ago every full moon night

Summary :

It might sound crazy to say that I've become a demon's infatuation and you might ask me, 'how did you even end up in this place?' Well well, even I don't know how it happened and whenever I ask him or confront him about our first meeting, he avoids the topic by sensually kissing me and making me forget about the question with an orgasm. I can't leave him because I can't live without him either. He is as if an intoxication I cannot get out of my body and desperately need in order to stay sane. He says, 'no one will love you like I do, darling' but how do I tell him that no one has ever loved me and no one ever can because my soul belongs to him, so does my heart and they worship him day and night.

She's just an innocent heartbroken girl who just wants to be loved for once despite her flaws and imperfections and he's a wicked demon who wants nothing but to corrupt her soul to till all she can think of him. What can go wrong if he takes a little interest in her? Heaven along with Hell are not going to collide with the Earth, or will they?

What could exactly go wrong if I sit alone under the full moon at midnight?

What could exactly go wrong if I sit alone under the full moon at midnight? Nothing. So I don't give it a second thought and make myself comfortable in the chair placed out in the balcony, bathing in the moonlight. The faint melody of my favourite song plays in the background through my phone as it echoes through the balcony.

The balcony is my only safe space these days. It provides me comfort and solace when I desire it the most, in moments of utter hopelessness. It sports a pretty popular viewing and gossiping spot for my family on the first floor as it opens up towards the roadside. It also serves as a common concrete stairway to the rooftop.

The moon attempts to brighten up my gloomy mood as I dwell into my sadness. The cool breeze, which is as light as a feather, ruffles the tall green trees lining the streets and also caresses my cheek. It reminds me that I haven't been completely abandoned by this world and also that there are still some forces which appreciate my existence. 

Now, I cannot hope but wish that someone touched me in a similar manner. I wish someone held me like a mother holds her dear child, like a lover holds his significant other, like a child holds onto his dying pet. 

However, no matter how much I try to forget the incident that happened this afternoon, I can't seem to get it out of my head. I cannot get that picture of the people I once considered to be my friends, mocking me for liking a guy. I cannot forget the words they called me just for daring to like the most popular guy of my grade. 

They make me feel as if having a romantic interest in a boy or just simply liking someone is the biggest sin one could commit on the Earth.

My body shakes as the turbulent storm inside me rises to the surface and brews a great tsunami. It drenches my cheeks and my face as it brings destruction and mayhem along with it in the face of a heart-wrenching pain in my chest, hopelessness and a wave of absolute sadness which hits me like a speeding truck. Somehow, the hopelessness inspires me and convinces my mind to beg whoever deity is willing to listen to me. 

So, I do. 

“To whoever is listening,” I manage to say despite the water rising in my chest as it tries to suffocate me by drowning me in the lake of sadness but I need to beg the deity. So, I continue with my remaining energy, “I want a guy, who will love me for who I  am, despite my flaws and imperfections.” 

The dam breaks as the sea of sadness drowns me in it and finds an outlet through my eyes and the salty water flows along with my last words, “I don’t care about how he looks, or even if he’s a human!” At the end of the sentence, I end up on my knees, upon the cold white marble of the moonlit balcony, as the still water gushes out of my eyes and my body trembles like a tree against strong winds. 

An eerie silence follows, as I recover from the tsunami’s devastating damage but it isn’t long when I hear a deep chuckle, which is so crisp and clear as if the person is sitting right beside me. I look up and around to identify the potential maker of the noise, but end up meeting with disappointment when I fail to do so, but it doesn’t fail in sending a chill down my spine and my body on high alert. 

“Hello? Anyone here?” I say, but come to regret the decision of doing so in the next second when a shadow appears out of nowhere, sitting on the stairs leading to the rooftop. It leans back, placing its hand on the step as its lips curve up in a creepy smile. 

Its eyes glow a bright red and just one look at them is enough to send chills down my spine. When my body registers its glowing red eyes and black shadowy figure, its first instinct is to recite holy verses. I do as my mother taught me to wherever I encounter the child of the banished angel. However, I fail to pronounce them properly, as my tongue fails at cooperating with my mind and my body screams RUN. 

I do. I run, for my dear life.

I run inside as my fight or flight system takes over with the adrenaline coursing through my veins, at the highest concentration ever in my life. My poor heart tries to keep up with all the sudden increase in cardiac output, but the picture of his creepy smile still lingers in my mind,   as if imprinted onto my neurons. 

The first thing my itsy bitsy brain thinks of as a distraction is the radio my grandfather made for me. I turn it on, tuning the dial to search for stations while expecting some soothing tunes to play and it does. I breathe a sigh of relief when the radio plays Sparks by Coldplay, my all time favourite.

However my peace evaporates into thin air when the radio goes off tune and randomly switches channels only to land upon the frequency 66.60.

An eerie voice follows, which says, “you cannot run away from me, kitten.” 

I don’t even dare to touch the radio and follow my instincts this time. I run downstairs to my family who look at me as if they saw the stars when the sun rules the skies. I am breathless as I stand in front of my mother, who looks at me in surprise while I struggle to form sentences in my head as I sweat ridiculously.

“You look like you saw a ghost.”

“A cat.”

“Yeah, yeah, a shapeshifting cat.”

“As if anything of such kind exists in this world.”

“Dumb humans”

TAGLIST

@yunhogrippers @strbryjoonie @haram-monbebe @atinism @yvnhoos @st4rhwa @lomons

[nqmonarch]

Good Boy/Girl [Pt 2]

Okay another post about like Good Boy/Girl because like. Some characters I just simp for. Last one was I want to make you extremely happy so I'll say it because I love you this one is when that one character that really flusters you says it.

Characters: Ningguang (Genshin Impact), Sunday (Honkai Star Rail)

Ningguang

Ningguang is always so busy, tirelessly working away, sometimes you have to remind her to take a break. When walking alongside her in the city of Liyue it's no surprise heads are turned and staring right at you.

More accurately, they're staring at her. If not for her fame as the Tianquan, then her beauty, the way her eyes pierce through every object and price she sees while shopping, calculating but not cold. The clothes she wears cling to her figure perfectly, they make her stick out but aren't gaudy. She is a God among mortals. You can't help but feel self conscious around her.

Your shoulders shift inward, and your back naturally slouches, hoping to appear as small as possible next to this colossal. You'd voice your worries to her before--

"What if people think I'm unfit for you? You can do better," Your voice lacked any confidence it normally had when you'd first met the Tianquan and flirted shamelessly with her, expecting to never be given a second glance.

"Does it matter? It is my decision if you stand by my side, and yours too," She replied confidently but her eyes gazed down at you full of warmth, a hand reaching out to your shoulder to hold it. An anchor, whenever your thoughts spiraled too deep that hand would be there.

You looked back at her, still worried, but moved your hand up to rest on top of hers. It was rather uncomfortable for you, and at the slightest change of your expression she moved her hand down to your heart. Your hand followed hers. A conversation with no words.

She smiled down at you, "Good Y/N."

You relaxed at the term of endearment, feeling your hand rest against hers which lay motionless on your chest. You looked up into her eyes, but you couldn't see any of Ningguang the Tianquan, you simply saw Ningguang, your lover.

-- "Y/N, what do you think of this necklace?" She suddenly asked you, pointing out one with a large gem in the middle. It was alright. You reached your hand out to hers.

"It's nice," You admitted, feeling your fingers interlace even through the gloves you could still feel the warmth, "It's not as beautiful as you though."

She let out a charming laugh, "Good Y/N."

Sunday (I love this man I can't wait until he comes out. Personality is going mainly based off of leaks.)

Sunday was lovely, everything you could want from an ideal partner. He was kind, caring, the epitome of perfection. Except he wasn't. You were one of the people that knew him best. Beneath everything he showed the public was a selfish creature.

"Y/N?" His voice was sweet, like an angels and you could trick yourself into thinking he was one if you tried hard enough.

You looked over at him wings fluttering from behind his head, normally calm and collected eyes holding a sense of anxiety. It was a stark difference from the Sunday you first met. Just that look of weakness on him made you want to forgive him.

You took your time with a pause, "What is it?"

You could see him struggling to form the words, shifting around uncomfortably. It wasn't often he had to speak like this to others, normally he would be the mediator, the diplomat, the leader-- not the problem.

"I'm sorry." It was only two words that were needed to soften your heart. You let out a long sigh, telling yourself to not let him off the hook just yet.

"For what?"

"It's just, there was an emergency meeting all of The Family was needed--"

Of course, that was his first reaction, Sunday was much to use to manipulating others. So, even when it no longer gave him pleasure or happiness, he'd default to it in a panic, "Save your excuses for later, tell me what you did first," You said sternly, "You told me to hold you accountable for the next time this happened."

He looked away from you for a moment, "I... I did tell you that, yes." His hands fiddled in his lap and you wished to take those gloves off and lay kisses on every knuckle. "I'm sorry for..." He closed his eyes tightly, as if he didn't want to see what would happen next.

Sunday took a deep inhale and then almost yelled out, "I'm sorry for shoving you off the bed in the middle of the night! I didn't mean to."

You let out a small laugh and walked over, sitting down next to him, "I know. I don't know why you even made me do this," You said sheepishly, looking down at his knees, "It's impossible to not forgive you when you make that face."

"This one?" He asked, and as your eyes moved up you were met with puppy eyes. In order to escape them you practically dove into his arms, holding onto him tightly, and burying your face into his chest.

"I hate that you're able to do that on command," You grumbled, it made you feel weak.

You could hear the smile in his voice, "Thank you, for holding me accountable though."

"It's dumb."

"Interrupting my darling's sleep is anything but dumb!" He quickly interjected, "I deserve to--"

You leaned up and silenced your mouth was his, moving fast enough to cut him off but moving away quickly, not wanting anything to escalate. The warmth of his lips followed you and you could still see them after he was silenced.

"You deserve love." You rested your head on his shoulder looking out the window at all of the city below you. One of his wings poked your cheek and you leaned into the plumage.

"I don't deserve you." His words were quiet but mattered nonetheless.

You turned to face him, and found his face turned to face yours putting the two of you nose to nose, breaths intermingled. "You deserve the world," You replied.

He flushed under your words, and you got the satisfaction of seeing his skin blossom with color. "You're so good to me... Good Y/N." He rested his face in your neck. You thought it would've been uncomfortable for him since your chin still rested on his shoulder but he didn't show any sign of discomfort.

"My Good Y/N," He said voice soft as his wings, and closed his eyes.

I just want someone to love who will love me, is that too much to ask?

Also question, for nonbinary folks and other people that like going by they/them what do you think is a good gender neutral term for good girl/boy? I went with good (name), here since I feel like that's chill but if you can think of anything else I'd be happy to hear it! :)

[contentloadingandstuff]

Nilou x Veteran!Warrior!Male!Reader

A/N: Here's something light and hopefully fun to read. Enjoy! CW: None.

When Nilou’s fans come up to her for autographs, they can’t help but cast worried glances at the man next to her. Despite officially being only a bodyguard, the warm smiles and kind looks you exchange with each other have made your love obvious to the people of Sumeru. Nobody mentions it in her, let alone your presence though - they know you’re not someone to be messed with. 

Nobody really knows where you fought, but your more-than-professional demeanor, your grizzled eyes, speaking of experience, make it more than obvious that you’ve seen your share. Your handling of weapons makes you a commanding presence - you hardly ever have to speak to make sure Nilou has as much space as she needs to feel comfortable. 

For your adorable lover, however, your presence is quite the opposite - you’re a guarantee of comfort and safety, and such a cute one at that! She finds it positively heartwarming how you compare to her. You’re a big, strong and scary guy while she’s a tiny and innocent girl. 

Nilou: Hey sweetie, can you… pick me up, please? Y/N: Hm? Oh, of course.  Nilou: W-whoah! Hehe~ It’s like in those fairytales, isn’t it?

You’re her knight in shining armor, and she’s your princess in need of keeping safe and sound. It always gets her heart racing when you remind her just how fragile and gentle she is - as a flower, needing strong hands to protect her from the cold winds. 

Speaking of digits, she really enjoys holding hands with you. Your hands, just like your whole person, are the precise opposites of her. They are big, rough, full of little scratches, scars and other wear-and-tear from your days of campaigns and fighting. They were and still are capable of feats of great strength and violence - she saw how tightly you grip the sword, just as she saw your enemies staggering under your blows. And yet, despite that, you are as gentle with her as can be when you stroke her hair or touch her cheek. 

With your body being as it is, you make for a very safe shelter for her. Nilou would like nothing else than to curl up in your strong, masculine arms, safely away from the threats and dangers of the world. Your body is also very good at heating her up on cold days with how big it is. A perfect pillow, a perfect ladder, a perfect vehicle, a perfect jar opener - she enjoys it thoroughly, and isn’t afraid to show her appreciation of you. 

Whenever you’re shirtless, expect Nilou to always show respect to your scars. They are marks of a warrior, a courageous man who endured wounds and stood tall through adversity. She’ll kiss them gently, and if you allow her, trace her fingers along them with featherlight touches. Nilou would love to learn their stories, but will understand when you don’t want to share them. She knows that these particular ones might have scarred more than your body. 

Nilou enjoys taking care of her big, strong man. She will cook for you whenever there’s a chance, even if you insist otherwise. 

Nilou: Here you go honey! Enjoy~ Y/N: This is wonderful… But you didn’t have to go all this way, you know? I have a pair of hands… Nilou: Hey, don’t mention it. It’s my obligation and my pleasure as your woman to keep you just as healthy and happy as you keep me, right? I think it's just fair, sweetie.

Nilou is very aware that her anxiety regarding leaving Sumeru City is a result of her sheltered life. She’s never really left it - the wilderness is teeming with bandits, Fatui and monsters who would all gladly have a piece of her if the opportunity came. She might have a Vision, but Nilou’s no warrior - she never practiced using it for combat, never had the need to fight, nor is she a very strong girl. With you by her side, however, she feels safe. She knows you’ll keep her way out of danger - she saw you fight, so trust isn’t the sole thing backing up her belief in your capabilities. Nilou truly enjoys walks out in the forest without a care in the world as well as picnics with you. Still, she insists on getting back before it gets dark, and if evening catches you by surprise, you’ll find her gripping your hand and sticking very close to you. 

Kindness speaks through your eyes, but they also betray years of experience and proficiency at fighting. This is the exact reason that Nilou’s manager decided that you’d make a perfect bodyguard for Nilou. Sure, Sumeru wasn’t really known for violent incidents, but you never know. The simple fact that you happen to be her husband is an added benefit as well. Nilou is more motivated, feels safer and is generally happier when you’re nearby. Besides, she only agrees to leave for Port Ormos if you accompany her, which by itself is a big step up from before when she was confined to Sumeru City. Still, other locations are for the future only for the time being.

Y/N: I’m sorry miss, but this is a staff only area. Woman: I am allowed to pass. Nilou: Is everything alright?  Y/N: Yes, Nilou. Turns back May I see proof of this then? Woman: I don’t need to show a grunt like you anything. Do you know who I am? Y/N: No and, frankly, I do not care. Please step back. Woman: I have my methods for types like you! Y/N: leans in And I have my methods of making you into a headstone or a vegetable. You may take your pick.

Due to the nature of your past job, some may see a killer in you, but Nilou doesn’t share their outlook. She might be young, optimistic and innocent by nature, but it doesn’t mean she’s oblivious to what war is. Your stories, as dark and upsetting as they are, only furthered her disdain towards conflict, but not towards you. 

Nilou knows that you cannot expect someone to act humane in an inhuman situation. She knows that the people and creatures you had killed were not killed for your own amusement, but because it was a simple choice between you and them. She does not hate you - she never will. You are just like the thousands of other young men, sent to the frontlines and made to kill monsters or their fellow man without much choice in the matter. 

She does appreciate that the war made you the man of today - a rugged, attractive beast of a fearless man - but she won't ever as much as think of suggesting that the war had a positive effect on you. Saying this wouldn't only be insensitive, but also, sadly, untrue. 

Your experiences left a permanent mark on you. They scarred both your body and your mind. She can see it in your eyes. You haven't fully left the battlefield, left the army, and it is plain to see. You have a set daily schedule, for example. You also keep a sword by your bedside and a dagger under your pillow. “Just in case” you promise, but she knows better than that. 

You have dreams about your past that might come and go, as you reassure her, but seeing you in distress breaks her heart. Nilou was always waking you up whenever a nightmare haunted you, calmly reassuring you that it's okay, that it's all a dream. She grounds you with gentle touches and soft words, expertly bringing you back to reality. At home, you dislike talking about the war, just as you dislike noise, especially metallic in nature. Nilou understands that, and makes sure to avoid rattling kitchen equipment and the like when she's preparing you food, for example. 

Speaking of cooking, and taking care of you in general, it doesn’t bother her at all, partly because of what you experienced. In the last, you have been forced out of your home and into a life of violence and approved murder where every day could be your last. But now you're home - with her. She is your wife, your home, your safe refuge. It's only natural for her to find fulfillment and pleasure in creating a loving retreat for you to rest your weary soul in. 

She is thrilled to help you and care for you, for just one, simple reason. She loves you. 

Thanks for reading!

[formulapai]

DIDN’T DESERVE IT

a Daniel Ricciardo angst

WORDS COUNT: 2000 ish

scenario: he’s treating his new girlfriend in ways he never treated you: with respect.

warning: major angst, daniel being an asshole in the past but owning up to his mistakes

pai’s words: heartbroken rn so bear with me

It’s not jealousy.

She’s ethereal, breathtakingly perfect, she has the brightest smile you’ve ever seen and eyes as clear as a summer day. Her voice is like angles sighing, a terribly sweet melody rings when she laughs. Her tears are as sublime as an enraged sea, violent in its beauty.

It’s not jealousy, no.

He holds her with a new confidence but still treats her as delicate porcelain, his whole being overflowing with gentleness. He’s her confident and her therapist, he’s battling her demons with a disarming smile and he’s wiping her eyes with fingers as dainty as possible.

It’s not jealousy, it’s never been.

It’s longing, it’s the inability to understand, it’s mourning.

He came to talk to you, after years of waiting, years of wishing. He knocked on your door, heart in his hand, a whole new person you haven’t met yet. He’s not your Daniel, not the Daniel you used to know. He’ll never be again.

It’s painful to let him in, it’s angering to notice the way he doesn’t treat your apartment like home anymore (but why would he?), it’s disconcerting to sit on the couch next to him, it’s relieving to finally talk.

“- You’re a different man, a different lover now. It’s what she deserves, it’s what you deserve too.

- It’s what you deserved and what I couldn’t give you. I’m sorry, Y/N, I truly am.”

You wouldn’t cry, you wouldn’t allow it. He doesn’t deserve any more of your tears, you’ve cried an ocean already.

“- Why didn’t you give it to me, then ? Why did you treat me like this ?

- I didn’t know how to love, you’ve taught me, years after years. I’m sorry that I’ve taught you how to hurt in the process, I’m sorry that I took so much and gave you so little.”

You can see a new tattoo, an intricate drawing on his forearm, next to the one he did when you were still together. It’s almost glowing, so different from the others with how obviously full of love it is. Did she draw that ?

“ - You gave me nothing except pain and regrets, Daniel. Wasn’t I worthy ? Am I not worthy ?

- You’re worthy of so, so much. You were worthy at the time, too, you were worthy as I was blind. You’re the best thing that happened to me, even now. You’ve made who I am today and I can’t be more grateful.

- You’ve made me who I am too, and I can’t be more deceived. It’s not fair, I never deserved it. I don’t deserve to be this full of fear and scars, I’m always so scared I’ll give my heart again, and get it back in pieces, again. It’s all scarred now that I’ve finally put it back together, I don’t think it can stomach another love.

- It’s healing, you’re healing. You’ve picked yourself up and you did amazing at stitching yourself up, all alone. I wasn’t there but I saw it all, how you grew despite the pain, how your smile never left. In the one that caused it, I know what I’m talking about, trust me. Your heart will love again and so will you, and it’ll be worthy again, and it’ll be easy, this time.”

You grew, yes. Maybe you grew too much, feeling alien in your body, in your home, in everyone’s life. You’re not who you were and you’ll never be again, you grew out of your happiness.

“- What if I can’t love anymore ? I always think about you, whenever someone approaches me, it’s your face I see. How can I love again when my heart is shaped for you, when my whole body grew around you ? How can I love anyone else when you’re the one who created my love in the first place. I didn’t even know what love was before you, I learned with you, too. I learned how to love because of you, not thanks to you, yet I never treated you like you treated me. You’re not the only one who didn’t know better.

- I know. You’re made for love, you’ve always been. It’s so natural for you, no one could ever tell it was your first time too, even I doubted it sometimes. Your whole being is made of love, full of it, spilling on everyone and everything. You love fully and with no mercy, you love discreetly, you love quietly sometimes but most of the time you love proudly. One thing’s sure, you always love. You love the people you should hate, you love the pain, you love the anger, you love the bee that stung you during our last summer together. You love your family and you love your friends, you love your customers. Y/N, you’ve surrounded yourself with so much love that you don’t even notice it anymore. You’ll be fine, you’ll love again and again.”

You do love that bee. You loved the sting, loved the trip to the ER when your swollen finger got stuck in your promise ring, loved how Daniel told you he’d wait for you at the house instead of coming with you, loved how he didn’t send any messages the whole time.

“- I can’t, not this kind of love. It’s only you, Daniel, I can only see you, imagine you. I don’t understand how you moved on and I’m still stuck there, I feel like I’m going crazy. I desperately wish that I could find someone new and change, the same way you did, but it’s always you. You’re haunting me, you’re haunting my heart and my mind, even after all this time. I tried so hard to forget you and meet new lovers, you don’t know how much I’ve tried to get over you and everything you’ve put me through. But when he tells me I’m beautiful, I wait for the part where he says I should change how I look. When he tells me he’s interested in my stories, I wait for the part where he tells me he’d rather be drunk than to listen to me. When he tells me he wants me, I wait for the part where he tells me I can’t even make him hard. When he tells me he wants me to meet his parents, I wait for the part where he tells me they’ll hate me anyway. When he wants to watch a movie with me, I wait for the part where he turns the TV off and tells me my movie choices are as dumb as me. It’s always because of you, I don’t know how to shut your voice up or how to ignore it. He’s the kindest soul I’ve ever met, he deserves so much more than what I’m able to give him right now, I won’t be able to give him what I gave you, not ever.

- You don’t have to give him what you gave me, Y/N. Each and every love is different, you know, you don’t love the same way ever again. I don’t love you how I love my girlfriend. I don’t love you how I’ve loved my first ex, or the second one. And you don’t love me like you’ve loved the boy you fell for in middle school. You won’t love him the same way you love me, and that’s the beauty in it, isn’t it ? You think you know love, you think you’ve seen love, but you discover love again and again, days after days, persons after persons. You won’t love him like you love me, you will love him better, because he’s treating you better, you’ll find a new love just for him, made for him, created mostly by him. He’ll teach you like you’ve taught me, like she’s teaching me right now. You were amazing at showing me love, but what she’s showing me is totally different, and that’s amazing. You take tiny things from each of your loves and create a new one with them, that’s how you grow, that’s how you learn. I’m sure he knows it, I’m sure he understands you.

- He’s your friend, he’s going to see how I love you. I’ll never not love you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

- And it’s fine, I love you too. It’s just different now, I’ve found a love that fitted me better. You’ve found it too, I know it. I see it. It’s platonic now, you’re just scared to admit it to yourself because it comforts you to think you’re in love with me still.

- I know, you’re right. Is it ok if I want to keep you in my life ? As a friend or as a stranger, I think I just need you in my life.

- As long as I can keep you in mine, it’s alright. She loves you, you know. She’s never met you but she’s heard so much from you, by me. She wants to meet you if you’re alright with it, you’ll love her too.”

It’s strange, isn’t it ? They should part ways and hate each other, that’s what exes do, no ? She should hate you and your whole existence just for the sake of being his ex, and you should hate her and their new relationship. It should have smashed his friendship with Max to pieces, it seems to strengthen it.

It’s a beautiful thing, really. How one bad person can grow into a good one, with efforts and trials. How one person can love, and love again, and never tire. How forgiveness can be as simple as hate, as despair.

“- Thank you Daniel, I mean it. Thank you for your apology, thank you for being there, thank you for what we’ve went through.

- Thank you for listening, thank you for forgiving me. You’re a beautiful person, you deserve a beautiful love story.”

He went like he came, confidently. When you door is closed, you fish out your phone out of the pocket of your pants, shakily pressing a finger on his call ID. You need to tell him.

“- Hey, darling, what’s up ?

- I love you.”

There’s a pause, a silence, almost insurmountable.

“- I know, don’t worry. I love you too, I promise.

- I’ll never love you like him, I’m sorry. But I love you like.. well, like you. I don’t know if it’s better, but it’s different, and it’s great. It’s going to work.

- I know it will.”

It’s not jealousy, it’s a love you thought you’ve lost.

It’s never been jealousy.