#i need her to be depressed over everything and try and be a loner while stiles is there

[roughentumble]

nooooo the author says its been a while since they read the books or saw the movies so i bet they dont remember the lore that werewolves we see in twilight arent werewolves hteyre just wolf shifters, and we never see a real werewolf in the whole series. im heartbroken. thats such good lore to know when youre doing crossover fic with another werewolf series

[ben-101-rewrite]

-Ben 101 Rewrite Note-

Since someone asked about the Alt Bens, and the Time War stuff, I figured I should actually write down a basic concept for each Alt Ben, including the ones I’ve rewritten or added, for people to know. There are two sides, Ben Prime’s team, and Eon’s team, and while there are others who help fight in the time war, these are the core members at the center of it.

Prime Team:

Ben Prime - (Of course our main character, Ben Prime. Not much to say here since he is the entire focus on the rewrite, lol)

Gwen 10 - (Universe where Gwen got the watch instead, while Ben became the magic user/anodite. Uses her smarts for fights, often making plans and trying to think ahead, though has a habit of being rather caught up in them and doesn’t take as many risks as she should)

Ben 23 - (A version of Ben who lost grandpa Max around the time he got the watch, while also having neglectful parents, and never built a relationship with Gwen. Turns to fame to cope with life, but after his adventure with Ben Prime, now lives with Tetrax, Azmuth and Seven Seven who mentor him)

Ben 10k  -(One version of an older Ben, who is a sort of mix of the previous two Ben 10ks that Ben Prime has met, being wise and somewhat stern, but still has a fun loving side and makes many dad jokes. Married Kai in this timeline, and had Kenny)

No Watch  - (A version of Ben that lives in a world where the omnitrix was never made. Rather lonely and doesn’t have much going on in his life, and unfortunately has his universe get targeted by Eon for his final plans. After the Time War, he decides to become a Plumber)

Omni Ben  - (A universe where Ben is the omnitrix, that became sapient and created a human body to understand life better, having been raised by Azmuth before fleeing to earth when Vilgax came looking for him, finding shelter with Max and Gwen.)

Jen 10  - (Basically female Ben, not too different from Ben Prime, just has some minor difference in tastes and interests)

Julie 10  - (A timeline where the watch came to earth a few years later, and was found by Julie. She ends up being partnered up with Ben, who became a plumber and distant loner, the two at first not getting along, but eventually build a good friendship and eventual relationship)

Sentient Omnitrix & Ben  - (A world where the omnitrix became sentient, becoming a sort of robot companion to Ben, though still allowing him to use her as a watch. She’s learning a lot of about life, and the creature in it, despite her strange views on life and death.)

Rooters Ben  - (A version of Ben who, instead of working for the main side of the Plumbers, ends up working as a Rooter, becoming a black ops agent. Rather stern, cold, and direct, and is willing to do dirty work. But despite this is still good, just willing to do what it takes to do what is needed)

Eon Team:

Eon - (A Ben who lost everything to the annihilargh, and now on a quest to get everything he lost back. Runs a time squad made up of Maltruant, Exo-Skull, and Subdora)

Bad Ben - (Comes from a universe where alignments from Prime's universe are flipped. Bad Ben being a villain version of Ben, who enjoys causing pain, chaos, and destruction)

Mad Ben - (A world where Vilgax took over earth, and became a mentor to Ben after killing his family, something Mad Ben didn't know. He was trained to be Vilgax's main soldier, and also keeps an eye on earth when he's away)

Negative Ben - (A version of Ben who lost his entire family, including his parents, Gwen and Max. Taken in by the plumbers who solely use him as a tool to fight with, leaving Negative Ben depressed, and easily swayed into doing anything, having no self-purpose)

Benzarro - (A timeline where Zs'Skayr managed to possess Ben, but the two fuse by mistake due to the omnitrix bugging out. Benzarro having Zs'skayr's sadistic and evil side, but Ben's fun and impulsive nature.)

Malware Ben - (When Malware attacked Ben as a kid, instead of losing Feedback, Malware tried taking control of the watch. The aftermath caused a shockwave that killed Max, Gwen and Azmuth, and had Malware stuck in the watch and Ben's consciousness. Blaming himself, Ben went into hiding, stuck with Malware influencing him over the years)

Forever Knight Ben - (A Ben who was raised by the Forevers Knights, eventually finding the watch and took over earth, and slowly other planets, the Forever Knights ruling over aliens as slaves, with Ben as the right hand man to the Forever King. A rather spoiled and selfish version of Ben)

Fusion Ben - (A timeline where when Ben was first fighting Vilgax, instead of shaping between aliens, he ended up fusing into a chimera of his original Tenfold, beating Vilgax, but going wild and partly losing his sense of self and running off, due to the dangerous fusion mutations)

Ultra Ben - (A universe where Ben embraced the ultimate aliens, despite the negative views aliens had towards them, and believes in gaining power to keep his galaxy safe, even with an iron fist. Willing to get any kind of power if it means protecting his galaxy, still seeing himself as a hero)

Light Magic Ben - (A world where the Omnitrix is magic based, and Ben came from Ledgerdomain. At some point in his life he tapped into light magic to win a fight, but became corrupted by it, his postive morals driving him to be unstable)

[princesstokyomoon]

a few weeks ago i was talkin to my gf, and she said cus my sleep is so Fucked i should try to get drugs for that. and when i said "lol the docs always just tell me to eat better and sleep better to fix my sleep schedule, they wont give me drugs", she said i should just get them to give me meds for my depression, cus her ones also help with her sleep.

she didnt seem to understand what i meant when i responded "NAH my depression isnt bad enough, they wont give me drugs for it"

she sorta went "but your therapist acknowledges you have depression?"

so i went like "yeah but its always been considered the Mildest form you can get, they wont give me shit for it. like,,, cus ive never been suicidal as a result of it, that means i dont need drugs."

and i could practically Hear her brain whirring at the idea that i am not suicidal over the voice call. like,,, she just paused in a Particular way she does when she WILDLY cant relate to what im saying.

and it pops into my head every so often and makes me sad. makes me sad when ANYONE feels that way. but i hate the idea that she couldnt relate to the idea of wanting to live? not just that she feels that way, but that im Literally helpless to do anything really. Like,, both of us have Royally fucked up health and sleep cycles, so its hard enough for us to find the time to voice chat (she doesnt particularly like messaging), and she doesnt drive, and tbh even if she COULD i dont think id want her coming to my house while i live with my mum. she struggled enough with the idea of her existence when she came to cheer me up after my dad died, i dont want to have my gf deal with her regularly. but i cant go to her often either, cus i have a cat to look after. wouldnt be so bad if it was JUST the one cat, but my sisters cat is here too, and the two hate each other. so while my sister cant have her cat, my mum looks after her cat, and i look after mine. i cant just leave my cat Alone for too many days thats not fair to her.

it just feels very much like im in a rock and a hard place and im Failing

im 99% sure im NOT failing, my gf is very much the type that would call me out if she was upset with me, its one of the things i love about her. but my brain is constantly in a war between Desperately Clingy Hopeless Romantic, and Extremely Distant Chronic Loner with Zero Dating Experience, and it starts to feel like EVERYTHING i do is wrong, no matter What that thing is.

i HAVE talked about this with her, and jfc i am Blessed she is so much more patient with me than i am tbh. but still im Frustrated by my constant desire to DO things for her, and my even MORE constant inability to do any of them. and the Only thing that makes me not freak out about that is that she has Directly told me she doesnt NEED me to do any of those things.

i dont want any advice for this really. im just very tired, procrastinating going to bed, and needed to scream a little. i didnt even know i needed to scream about this till i started, i went into this post thinkin itd be a "hahaha funni stori" about the differences in our depression and now im here WELP

[blanksbae]

A little something I needed to get out...trigger warnings for suicide, PTSD, alcohol use, and infidelity under the cut

Five years ago, I wrote these words (the day after you passed)…they are still so true today.

We were classmates, but more than that, we were friends. I think the thing I'm going to miss most is how friendly you were; you always made everyone feel included. You were so sweet, and your smile was infectious. I can remember many days where you made my day better just by talking to me. It's gonna be hard to know that you're not going to be at any of our class reunions, and that I won't run into you in the aisle at the store anymore. If everything that they said happened is true, I am so sorry. You never deserved that. No one does, but especially not you. Anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch more. I'm sorry you felt like taking your life was the only way out of this. One thing is for sure- heaven just got a new angel. Every time I see the bright shining stars, it will remind me of you and that smile of yours. RIP J...you are going to be missed.

J, I miss you so much. You never cared if someone was “popular”, a “geek”, a “loner”, or whatever...you treated everyone the same. You were the glue that held our class together- I can’t believe that it’s now the 5th reunion without you. I know some of us have kept in touch, but I know if you were still here, you’d be checking in with us all.

I still can’t help but go through the store and wish I’d run into you just so we could talk and catch up. You always made time to talk, and I can remember being late to work a couple times cause we lost track of time catching up in the produce aisle at WalMart (oops!). I hate to admit it, but I liked it when it was just you there, and not her too (I always felt awkward trying to make conversation with her, especially when we didn’t have a lot in common, and she looked at me like I was taking you away from something important to do with her).

On the subject of her...I wish I would have never found out that what they said was true. It absolutely crushed me. I’m still trying to get over what she did and said. I can’t believe what she said-you would have been an excellent dad. (And when she came in to the office the first few times after the baby she had with the other guy was born, I had to walk away/ask for a different assignment. I couldn’t do it. I’ve gotten better and can tolerate it, but it still sucks.). You deserved someone better (even though I know you never would have admitted it).

I wished I would have known all the demons you were fighting (the alcohol, the depression, the PTSD issues). I know you would have tried to hide them, but I would have been there for you, just like you were always there for me.

I can remember the day like it was yesterday. It was the day after your birthday, and our classmate, “A”, left me a message saying something had happened to you. She had a new number (which I didn’t have in my phone book yet), and (completely concidentially), I had a cousin with her name and a cousin (her brother) with your name. That’s who I thought it was, so I excused myself to the breakroom and called her. I can remember when she told me the news- I was looking out the back window watching the snow fall. I went numb afterwards. I then picked up the pieces and went back out to the floor (while trying to deny I’d heard what she’d said). I kick myself for not going to your funeral...I was just in a state of shock at the time. I knew that it would be real, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real at that time. I think it took me almost a week to accept that you were truly gone and you weren’t coming back.

I don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard this year, but holy crap, I miss you so much more than I ever have before. Looking up at the stars, I can’t help but pick out the brightest one and say that’s you looking down. I also like to tease that the thunder is you running down that big basketball court in the sky (or doing your famous touchdown dance).

I’m thinking this year for celebrating graduation day, I’m gonna grab a glass of wine and go back and watch our senior video and remember all the good times we had and all the memories. I wish you could have got to live out your dreams.

J, until we meet again, just know, you were one of my best friends, and I miss you like hell buddy. Hold down the fort until I get up there, and we’ll have a lot to catch up on. I’ve got some great stories to tell you. :)

[yourmcu]

Emotional Support Mode

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader

Summary:

in which the reader is the loner, antisocial daughter of Tony Stark and the other Avengers including her father never acknowledge her presence (they thought some sort of interaction made you uncomfortable) so she becomes friends with Friday instead - Tony probs finds out and it’s gonna be all cute n fluffie once he realizes -

Word count: 2,243

a/n: hi just wanted to write fluffy tony :)) also I used they/them for friday’s pronouns

Warnings: angst n fluff, friday’s a bit more advanced (not like they aren’t already but) bc they could almost act like a literal human here.

read it on ao3!

You arrive back at the Avengers facility, shoulders slumped and just tired in general since you have a lot of homework and projects to do from school, most of them due by the end of the week. You also have exams later in the week.

“Hey, Fri,” you huff as you make your way to the elevator.

“Welcome home, Y/N. Where do you want to go?”

Yes, you're very close with the A.I that they started calling you by your first name. “To my room - and uh, will you remind me to read two chapters in my history book after I’m done with all my homework? I also have this project, I just need some measurements later, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thank you.”

It’s going to be a long night, you sigh heavily just thinking about it. Now you’re probably wondering, ‘you live with the Avengers! Why don’t you ask Tony and Bruce for help? Maybe Steve and Bucky for your History test?’

Yeah, well... you barely talk to any real person you live with. Maybe it’s you, you always thought you're making the team uncomfortable. You don’t even talk to your own father often which is kind of depressing on your part.

You love them, they’re like your extended family, but it just isn’t working out. Maybe they just don’t like you. Up to this day you still wonder why Tony took you in when you were just a baby (you were a mistake from one of his one night stands) - he had the choice not to.

“I’m assuming you zoned out again. You have arrived to your room five minutes ago.” Friday announces.

“Y-yeah sorry,” you shuffle out of the elevator and swiftly head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“I also asked if I should inform Mr. Stark that you have arrived home.”

“No, no thanks. He’s busy and... probably wouldn’t care anyway,” You mutter the last part as you pile the books you need on your desk. “Can you put my study playlist on, please?”

----

“What time is it, Friday?”

“7PM. I was about to remind you to take a break.”

You get up from your chair and stretch, halfway through the last of your homework which is a two page essay. “You’re too kind, thanks pal,” when you walk out your room to head to the kitchen and grab a snack, the lounge is empty, kitchen empty,

“The team’s on a mission? I thought they had the whole week off,” you say before gulping down a water bottle.

“I checked the security footage: they left about an hour ago. Captain Rogers was talking about getting dinner.”

You put the bottle down. “Oh,” you try to mask your disappointment. This isn’t your first time being alone, they always left you here when they had a mission of course but... well, it’s not like they want you around them. “I’ll - I’ll just make myself something later, then. Not a big deal. I have to study anyway.”

Another hour later, the Avengers are back. They're all conversing happily as they pile in the lounge. Peter's rambling about upgrades for the Spiderman suit while Tony's typing away in his phone, nodding at everything he says. Everyone else is arguing about the TV channels and talking about the new restaurant they ate at.

Rhodey shifts, looking around. “Why do I feel like we forgot something?”

Natasha looks at him, waiting for him to go on.

“I assure you, I brought Mjolnir with me this time.” Thor butts in.

“No not that, what time does Y/N get home from school?” No one answers. It’s not like any of them know. It's natural that Rhodey would be worried about his goddaughter (even if they rarely talk). He turns his head to his best friend who’s now walking away with Peter, an arm around his shoulder. “Tony, where’s Y/N?”

He doesn’t hear since he has his full attention on his protégé.

“I’ll start making this tomorrow, I guess. I still have to buy materials.” You mumble to yourself, but you hope Friday's listening to everything you say just to make you feel less lonely. You swipe the hologram of the blueprint away and place the thick books in front of you.

“I would like to recommend a suitable study plan.” they state.

You rub your eyes, sighing, “I’m already halfway, I would’ve considered it earlier though.”

“This is only a recommendation, feel free to ignore it.”

You push yourself away from the desk and mutter a “go on,”, fiddling with your pen.

“Asking Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes would give you more details for your History examination, since the pair were originally from that time period. The same goes for Mr. Banner for your Science examination, I believe he has seven Ph.D’s, you may also approach Vision for the same topic. Mr. Stark has all the necessary materials for your project in his lab. Would you like me to-”

If only it were that easy. It should be easy, the thought alone makes you really nervous. “No, I - I appreciate the recommendation, Friday, but - I think I can do this on my own.”

“But you’re tired and it is almost midnight. I would help you myself but you specifically told me not to.”

They’re not wrong. Your eyes are starting to droop and you barely understand anything you're reading. You're also fighting back tears - why is talking to your family so hard?

“I can sense sadness. Would you like me to activate emotional support mode?”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds great right about now.”

----

“Crap. Guess we lost track of time again, kid,” Tony wipes his hands with a rag while he looks at the time on his computer. “You better get home. I’ll send May a text for keeping you this late.”

“Okay, thank you Mr. Stark. I’m just gonna use my suit-”

“No. Happy will drive you.”

Peter knew better than to argue and insist so he just nods and smiles sheepishly. A minute later Happy came ‘round to take him home.

Tony turns back around. “Friday, make a new project for me please, I’m adding minor upgrades to the Spiderman suit.”

“Not now, boss.”

Oh. He did not expect that. “Excuse me?”

“Y/N is currently opening up. I would like to give her my full, undivided attention. Please come back after fifteen minutes or so.”

Tony doesn’t exactly know how to feel about that. He never sees her outside her room anymore that he kinda forgot she existed tonight - oh fuck, they didn’t bring her to dinner with them.

“Well,” he exhales. “What is she saying?”

“That would be an invasion of privacy.”

“I’m her father-”

“Are you, sir?” Friday’s clever remark makes him stop abruptly.

It’s pretty clear that he’s been a shit father. Not only does he ignore you all the time but he treats Peter way better than his own flesh and blood. The Avengers on the other hand, they were nice people, but just didn’t understand so they try their best to get out of your way.

You were afraid of rejection, afraid to interact, because you had no idea what everyone thought of you. Did they like you? Did you make them uncomfortable? Did they want you around? What about Tony, did he really want a daughter in his life? Because you noticed he’d be better off with a son, yeah, like Peter goddamn Parker.

Tony sighs, walking out of his lab and heads to the mini bar to grab a drink. He needs to think: there's absolutely nothing wrong about you, he just didn’t do his job right, you thought he didn’t care, you thought nobody did. Even Friday is turning against him, doing a better job of comforting and being there for you.

“God, I’m such an asshole,” he mutters to himself, rubbing his forehead. He drinks his last shot and heads to the kitchen. “She still awake?” He calls out.

“She is.” Friday has a bitter tone.

He's hesitant to ask again, feeling really bad for not knowing this simple question - “what’s her favorite beverage?”

----

“How do you feel?”

You sniffle. “Well y’know, better than before. I should probably go to sleep. Thanks, Fri.”

“You’re welcome. Also, Mr. Stark is outside your door.”

“W-what?” You put away your books and straighten up, rubbing your damp eyes. “You’re serious? Okay, uh, let him in?” It's more of a question.

“Alright.”

You turn to face your desk as Tony enters the room, holding two steaming mugs. He sits at the end of your bed, just right next to the chair you're sitting on. “Hi,” he gives you a small smile and hands you a mug.

What’s the occasion?

“What’s this?” You ask quietly before taking the mug from his hands. Tony's being gentle and soft, it's odd but you’re not complaining.

“Green tea with honey. I... I thought I saw you make that stuff once.” He says, not mentioning the fact that Friday told him that.

“Oh, well, yeah,” you take a small sip. He added a bit too much honey but other than that it was good. “I thought you preferred coffee, though,”

Tony shrugs, his eyes glistening when he looks at you. “Wouldn’t hurt to try something new.”

“Did - did you want something, Dad?” You always found yourself awkward, couldn’t even make conversation with someone for long, always wanted to get straight to the point so it could be over with.

He looks like he wants to say something but he just averts his gaze to you, his hands, the floor, then suddenly he leans in and hugs you. Your feel your heart swell and body warm up, it’s a new sensation for you after all, you rarely get hugs from people. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “For everything. I’m such a bad dad, I don’t deserve you. I even forgot you when we went out to dinner.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I had loads of stuff to do earlier anyway, so, but yeah I was just - I just overreact, I’m sensitive. I don’t blame you and the others for not liking me, I know there’s nothing like-able about me, I’m not like Peter-” You ramble, tears now leaving your eyes again.

“Sweetheart, don’t say that,” Tony says as he pulls you closer to him, head resting against his chest while he rubs your back comfortably. “Y/N Stark, you are smart, brilliant - I was just an ass for not acknowledging that.”

“I know you’re just saying that to-”

“Oh, but I’m not,” he now places his hands on your shoulders, getting you to look at him. “Tell me who built their first engine when they were eight?”

You blush, “Dad-”

“No, come on, I wanna hear it.”

“I did.”

“Yes you did. And who made a completely functioning robot at their middle school science fair that blew all the teacher’s minds?”

You’re trying to hide a smile, recalling the memory,  “I did.”

“And who,” Tony gets up and walks to the bulky looking thing that you covered with a sheet, pulling it off, “is currently building a computer from scratch?”

“Dad! That’s still a work in progress,” he messily places the sheet back and chuckles.

“My point is, you’re a clever and talented girl, Y/N. Don’t bring yourself down. And you don’t have to be shy around your family, those idiots have been dying to get to know you but since you don’t talk much... they don’t want to force it. We love you,” he says. “I hope you forgive me ‘cause I really wanna make it up to you. I’m not calling Peter in for a few weeks.” Tony sits down beside you again.

You couldn’t believe he’d do that for you. “You don’t have to, if you need him for something then-”

“-then you could help me instead, if you’re up for it.”

“I’m really sorry for being such a lonely freak,” you yawn, getting back into Tony’s open arms. “I love you.”

Tony tucks you in and lies down beside you, “I love you tons, kiddo.”

You snuggle into his chest, feeling his steady breathing while he rests his chin above your head.

----

It's morning. The Avengers are gathered at your open bedroom door.

“Are you getting all of this, Friday?”

“Yes, Ms. Romanoff.”

“Steve turn that shuttering sound down!” Natasha hisses at the super soldier who's doing his task, taking pictures.

Steve almost drops the phone and has Bruce fix the volume for him.

They’re all watching you and Tony cuddle together, still fast asleep.

“Do we have to stay here until they wake up?”

“Unless you have a great way of waking them up, yes. Now shut up.”

“If you think about it we definitely look creepy right now.” Sam comments.

“It’s their fault for having the door wide open all night!” Clint says.

Tony's actually awake the whole time, listening to them bickering. “You have three seconds to get the hell out of here before I make all of you polish my suits.” With that, the team races down the hall, pushing each other to get away first like literal children.

[awritingtree]

Promises

Draco Malfoy x sister!reader

@kashishwrites 300 writing challenge: Hurt/comfort prompt 12. “Why didn't you tell me?” and angst prompt 6. “Is this how little you think of me?” The prompts have been bolded.

Summary: Draco witnesses his sister get bullied and finds out that she’s been keeping it from him all these years. Draco finally steps up and owns up to his role as her older brother, the one whose supposed to protect her and be her shoulder to lean on.

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: ANGST, bullying, depression, fluff, blood and house discrimination. If bullying or depression talk will trigger you, please don’t read.

A/N: this took so much longer to write than expected. Uni is really kicking my butt with the amount of work each professor is deciding to assign. I wanted to do this more justice but I just couldn’t write this any better. It could’ve been way better but oh well, it’s decent at least. Hope you guys like it xx

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“Draco!” a voice cut called out, through the Slytherin common room. Draco, who was sitting with Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle, near the fireplace looked up to see Blaise Zabini, another one of the Slytherins.

“You need to come with me,” he said while trying to catch his breath, “It’s Y/N.”

Draco shot up from his seat instantly and followed Zabini out of the common room, past the Great Hall and towards the Ravenclaw Tower. Draco could see a small crowd up ahead of the corridor as they turned a corner. He could hear laughs coming from a few of the students. When they were close enough Draco realized what was going on.

There in the centre of the circle were three Gryffindor 7th year boys, making fun of someone, throwing their bag’s contents onto the floor. Draco slipped his wand out as soon as he saw the bag, gripping it so tightly he was surprised it didn’t snap in half. His shoulders tensed from an anger so intense, it could have obliterated everything around him for miles.

“Oh, look here. Malfoy’s got a muggle book. Going to use it to help Mummy and Daddy find new ways to torture, are you?”

“Give it back,” spoke Draco, his voice so low from the rage brewing inside, everyone flinched due to its ferocity. He glared at the three boys in front of him. ‘Filthy, disgusting excuses of wizards. How dare they pick on a Malfoy!?’ thought Draco.

Y/N’s tear-filled eyes widened at the sight in front of her. Her back was pressed against the wall, hoping it would swallow her whole taking her far away from everyone.

“Leave,” threatened Draco, raising his wand slightly. Zabini came and stood beside Draco; wand raised too.

The three red-and-gold-clad boys looked at each other. They threw Y/N’s bag onto the floor before turning around and walking away, deciding the fight was not worth it. The crowd cleared off, now that the drama was over.

Y/N slid down the wall and buried her face in her knees. She could hear Zabini and her brother conversing, but she didn’t dare to look up. How could she? How could she face her brother after what had just happened? He would surely hate her. She was a Malfoy, she couldn’t afford to look weak in front of anyone, much less be bullied in front of an audience.

Y/N continued to cry into her knees even as she heard someone slide down the wall next to her. Draco wrapped his arm around Y/N, pulling her into his side. His other hand went up to stroke her hair in a soothing manner. He couldn’t bear to hear her cry, he wanted to take all her pain away, but alas he couldn’t. The least he thought he could do is provide her some comfort and so that he did.

“How long has this been going on?” Draco asked, once Y/N calmed down a bit.

“Since first year,” Y/N admitted quietly, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I’m your brother,” countered Draco.

“Yes but you’re a git too, no offense, and you know it. You go around being unpleasant to other people; muggleborns, half-bloods, ‘blood-traitors’ as you say. You bully others for being who they are, something they have no choice over. I didn’t think you’d care because you act the same way as those boys do. What makes you different from those boys? Why would you care enough to help me when I am so weak?”

“Is this how little you think of me? I’m your brother, Y/N. Of course, I’m going to care,” said Draco, hurt by what his sister was telling him.

“You certainly haven’t acted like you do for quite some time now,” Y/N couldn’t help but scoff.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Draco, puzzled. He thought they were fine, on good terms; they talked occasionally given that he was a Slytherin and she was sorted into Ravenclaw in his second year. Draco remembered how furious his father had been; he sent a Howler the very next day. Though, he calmed down a bit soon after because (apparently) Ravenclaw was better than Hufflepuff or Gryffindor.

Something snapped inside of Y/N when she heard those words pour out from Draco’s mouth. Years of pent-up feelings, trying to pretend everything was alright, bubbled over; years of not letting the tears fall - the dam finally broke.

“You haven’t been around, Draco. Yes, we still talk but it isn’t the same as before. I tried making friends, finding a life without someone who's always been there, right by my side. But in the end, everyone left. It was my fault they left too; I am too much deal with, I know that. I wouldn’t put up with me either,” she cried, “I feel so alone, even in a castle filled with students at every corner. Everyone says Hogwarts feels like home, but it doesn’t to me, it never has. But then again, I don’t know what home feels like anymore, not since I got sorted into Ravenclaw. I really thought we could get through anything, but that was false. I just keep hoping that things will get better but instead I set myself up for more and more disappointment. I’m tired, Draco. I’m so very tired. I’m tired of feeling nothing but this constant emptiness instead of me. I want to feel something other than this constant loneliness and sadness. I- I don’t think I’m okay. I don’t think I have been for a while. But does it really even matter? Nobody’s noticed,” she let out a hollow laugh, one that shook Draco to the core.

"Nobody ever notices anything except Malfoy’s weak little sister; weird and a loner," she said weakly.

Draco could feel his heart clench at his baby sister’s words. The same baby sister that he promised to always protect, the same baby sister that he promised he would never leave her side, the baby sister who he promised he would love unconditionally. But it seemed that Draco was a master at breaking promises.

“I- um,” he stuttered at a loss of words.

Draco took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. This was not the time to break down, his little sister needed him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Y/N whispered out, shaking her head making a move to stand up.

“What are you sorry for? Why shouldn’t you have said anything?” Draco asked. He put a hand on her forearm, stopping her movements to stand up.

“I shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter, Draco. It’ll all be fine soon. I’ll get over it,” she smiled weakly, though Draco could see through it all.

“No you’re not. You’re not fine. I-,” Draco said softly, shaking his head slightly, “Talk to me Y/N, please.”

“I said I’m fine, Draco. Just, leave me alone!” Y/N exclaimed, ripping her arm out of his grip and getting up. Draco quickly stood up, reaching out to her as she walked towards her bag thrown across the floor.

“Y/N/N, please. I just want to help,” Draco tried reasoning calmly. He couldn’t get mad at her. He wasn’t. He knew she was only doing this because she was tired of letting people in who only turned their backs on her when she needed them the most. He had been one of these people, he knew he was. He failed to realize how bad things had gotten for her. Y/N had always been a bit more emotional than others ever since she was young, taking things to heart. Whenever their father, Lucius Malfoy, got furious she would be off for days; wallowing in sadness, guilt, and a dislike towards herself for being the way that she was - for not being better. She cried a lot too. Things affected her more deeply, the smallest of words setting her off. She felt too deeply.

“I want to understand,” he said.

Y/N scoffed.

“Understand? You want to understand? I don’t even understand what this is, Draco! Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I’m on top of the world, but then suddenly the will to do anything but lay in bed disappears. All I want then is to crawl back to bed and never wake up again. I feel like crying, but with no reason as to why. I’ll be fine one second then crying my eyes out the next. I want to understand why I feel this way. My thoughts always go back to everything those three boys tell me every single day without fail. Why do they pick on me? Is it me? But of course it’s me, what else could it be?”

Draco was stunned into silence. He didn’t know what to say; what could he say? Y/N took a deep breath, looking down at the floor, her shoulders slumped forwards.

“It hurts, it hurts so much,” she choked out, trying to keep herself together.

Draco frowned, “What hurts?”

“I don’t know, everywhere.”

Draco grew even more confused. He approached her hesitantly, stopping a few feet away in case she lashed out again.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking up at her brother. Her eyes were filled with tears she was trying to keep at bay.

“It- It feels like this ache in my chest, spreading. And it just makes me want to cry more. It’s more of an internal pain, one that I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard I try. I try to. I do. I try to be happy, to still go on about my day hoping it’ll get better. But it doesn’t. I just feel like an outsider in this world full of happy, living people. And I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Draco stepped towards her; his arms outstretched. Y/N fell into them, clinging to her older brother. Draco wrapped his arm around her while his other arm stroked her hair, soothing and comforting her.

‘How long had she felt this way?’ he wondered.

He then remembered all the times he’s seen her throughout the past few years; always alone, barely laughing or smiling, days where she looked exhausted, days where she looked like she wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. Throughout all this, there was the dull look in her eyes, one that was still there at this moment.

He felt his heart clench in his chest. How could he have not noticed? Everything was right there in front of his eyes, but he had been too selfish; too far up his own arse to notice that the only person in the world he could love more than himself (even though he hadn’t been showing that the best for a few years now) was losing love for herself and life.

He felt horrible. He failed to protect her from the horrors of the world, and he hated himself for it. He brought her closer to hold her tighter against him as her body shook with every sob she let out. Holding her so tightly, hoping to make up for the fact that he wasn’t there to hold her all the previous times she’d broken down like this, all alone in her dorm, with a silencing charm and the curtains drawn. A few of his own tears streamed down his face onto her head but neither Draco nor Y/N she took any notice.

“I’m here. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” whispered Draco over and over again, trying to make up for all the times he broke his previous promises.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

It’d been a few months since Draco made those promises to Y/N, never failing to fulfill them each and every day. He invited her to sit at the Slytherin table while other times he’d sit at the Ravenclaw table during meals. He spent time with her after class, in the library or down by the Black Lake when the weather allowed it; talking, doing their homework, or just sitting in silence. They became attached to the hip, even more than the infamous Weasley twins.

Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to be going right for Y/N. Starting with waking up late causing her to skip breakfast, to failing one of her major Potions tests. It didn’t help that those three Gryffindor boys caught her on the way to the Transfiguration, taunting her and leaving after burning her journal that was filled with ideas of new stories she’d wanted to write to ashes. All Y/N wanted to do was go to bed and cry, cuddling with her bunny stuffed toy. But of course, she never got what she wanted.

“Y/N/N!” Draco’s voice called after her.

Y/N stopped and turned around to wait for Draco to catch up with her.

“Where are you going? I thought we were-” he stopped once he took in her appearance, “Is everything okay?”

Y/N shook her head, clutching to her bag’s shoulder straps.

“What is it? What happened?” Draco asked, concerned.

“I just want to go to bed, Dray.”

“What, why? It’s only 4 o’clock, Y/N.”

“I know. I- I’m just tired,” Y/N replied weakly. She was truly exhausted due to the day she had.

“Oh. Well, come on,” Draco said grabbing her hand and pulling her along with him.

“Where are we going?”

“To my dorms. You can sleep there. I’ll bring you some hot chocolate later too. I’m not leaving you alone.”

Y/N felt her heart warm up, a small smile making its way onto her face. Maybe, he really was going to keep his promises this time. Maybe, someone did notice, someone did care.

Draco was becoming a better person after spending so much time with his little sister. His care and love for her seemed to outshine any of the prejudice and hatred instilled in him by their father. This was witnessed by many a few days ago.

Y/N was making her way towards the Great Hall from the greenhouses when she heard a voice.

“Watch where you’re going mudblood,” the voice spit.

Y/N turned a corner to see Pansy Parkinson, the girl that obsessively pined over her brother, glaring at Hermione Granger, Harry Potter’s best friend.

“Watch your mouth,” said the redhead.

‘Ron Weasley’ realized Y/N.

“Draco, did you hear what this Weasel just said to me!?” Parkinson shrieked. Y/N winced at the tone of her voice, noticing Draco do the same thing which brought a tiny smile to her face.

“Let it go,” drawled Draco, rolling his eyes.

“What do you mean ‘let it go’? She bumped into me! She did it purposely just because she’s a filthy little mudblood.”

Draco sighed irritated, “That makes no sense. No one is going to bump into someone just because they’re a muggleborn. Now let’s go Pansy.”

Everyone gaped at Draco. He didn’t seem to realize he’d just said, grabbing Pansy by her arm and dragging her away towards the Great Hall.

Y/N shot a sweet smile towards Granger, Potter and Weasley whom she passed by as she headed towards the Great Hall. However, the trio seemed to be too shocked by Draco’s actions and words to return the kind gesture.

‘He called her a muggleborn without thinking twice about it,’ Y/N thought, smiling to herself as she walked with a small skip in her steps.

“Here. It’s your favourite jumper of mine. Change and get comfy. I’ll grab the blanket you really like from my trunk.”

Y/N took the jumper and sweatpants from Draco, heading towards the bathroom to get changed. She walked out to see Draco waiting for her with the blanket spread on his bed. She sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he whispered.

Y/N shook her head.

“You can cry if you want. I’m not going to judge you for it,” Draco spoke softly.

Y/N didn’t reply. Draco sighed and turned his head to the side, pressing a kiss to her temple. Soon after Draco felt cold wet tears hit his neck. He held Y/N more tightly, trying to convey that she was never alone, not as long as he was in this world.

After a few minutes, Y/N quieted down. “Get in bed,” Draco spoke softly to her.

“No,” she said, “I have work to do. I can’t-”

“It’s okay. I’ll do it for you. Just sleep, okay?”

Y/N hesitated before nodding. She moved under the blanket and curled up in Draco’s bed.

Draco got up and tucked her in properly.

“Sleep, Y/N/N. I’ll be right here,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Draco got his books, along with Y/N’s from their bags. He sat down on the floor resting against his bed getting ready to do her, and some of his, work as Y/N fell asleep, a content look on her face.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

If you enjoyed reading this fic, please like/comment/reblog! Your opinion/feedback is welcome, appreciated, and motivating :)

General taglist: @heloisedaphnebrightmore @pregnant-piggy @approved-by-dentists @kashishwrites @remmyswritings @angelinathebook @idont-knowrn @coffee--writes

Lmk if you want to be added to the taglist :)

[valeskakingdom]

Request

Could I request a part 3? Jerome keeps the reader as his hostage for popularity and attention. Reader is really fond of the attention she gets as well and eventually sleeps with Jerome again? In the end she sees how Galavan kills him and is really sad?

Requested by @violentvaleska

For sure!! But again I gonna split this part in 2 because I noticed it would have been too long instead ahaha. I try to hurry with part 4!! Honestly, it's really cool to write oneshots!

And here it is:

Jerome x female reader (part 3)

Warning: mention of sex, depression and death

Word count: 3459

Gift credit: @jokersbabe27

"And here is our bedroom!" Jerome opened another wooden door and lead you into it.

You were irritated by his assertion 'our bed'. You weren't a couple or something. He just kidnapped and called you his property.

You examined the room. White pained walls, claret velvet curtains, a king size bed with while pillows and blankets, and some furnishungs. It didn't look that bad, much better than your little apartment.

"It's...pretty." You gave him a short smile hoping he would believe your faked comfortableness.

Actually you didn't feel well about that. You were around lunatics who either killed or are people...and you, you were the only sane one. You were clearly a victim for them. Sooner or later they would cause you problems.

You started to think about all the cruel things they could do to you in case, Jerome was not there: they could scare you away, haunt you for fun, or...leaving their sexual needs out on you. It was horrible, you literally lived in hell now.

The worse part was on it: you would be a loner if Jerome was gone. A nobody. Nobody would help you. Hell, they'd probably just mock at you that Jerome's property was just an anxious fool and that they couldn't understand what Jerome liked about you so much - you didn't even understand it. You were just a one off.

"But uhm...Jerome?" You turned to him.

"Yes, doll?" Jerome gave you a wide smile glaring at you with his big blue eyes.

"I need clothes... And all my clothes are in my apartment and-..." You knew you couldn't go back.

Not because of him and all your feelings for him- oh no, you wished you could go to your friend to forget the moment where Jerome frightened you to death. His permanent mood changes exhausted you a lot. On your way to his hostage, he made everyone clear that you were his property. No one was allowed to touch you nor to talk to you...They weren't even allowed to look at you. It was crazy. You should just belong to him, he was literally crazy about you.

So yeah, you couldn't go. If you went away, he'd chase you...and if he caught you, you'd probably end up dead.

"You don't need your old clothes, doll." He walked to one of the shelves and opened it: Lacy underwear, seemingly expensive but nice dresses, and some shirts with pants filled it.

"Uhm-..." Before you could say anything, you were interrupted by an older man in a black tuxedo and yelled dark brown hair.

You knew this man: Theo Galavan, the one coming into office of Gotham's major.

But what does he have to do with all the lunatics? And why were they living in his tower? It confused you a lot. In the TV, he seemed to be a good guy. Rich, clever, apparently cared Zabout all citizen's wealth. He wanted to safe the city, or even makes it a better place for everyone.

Your feeling told you though, he was the total opposite: a villain who wants to reign over Gotham.

Why else would he keep lunatics in his tower?! You thought.

"Jerome," Theo Galavan slowly stepped forward with a grin in his face, his hands were folded into each other "I see, you show our new guest her new hostage." He turned to you "I'm Theo Galavan, call me Theo."

"(Y/n)." You gave him a nervous smile.

"I'm sorry, you've been arrived during such ordinary circumstances." He placed his hand on his chest "It wasn't planned to scare you away. But I think we both know Jerome's little tick for an overdramatic show, don't we?"

"O-ohhh, yeah, uhm... it's... it's fine?...yeah," You stammered a little while trying "It was uhm... adventurous." You chuckled nervously completely ignoring his little question.

"Indeed," Theo chuckled darkly rubbing his palms, then he walked a few steps to Jerome and whispered something in his ear. You couldn't understand what he was saying though. You just felt uncomfortable about two people talking behind your back but right in front of you. You just could see Jerome nodding with a grin as both looked at each other. Something was wrong, that you can tell.

"Anyways," Theo turned around with a smile in his face "I leave you two alone now. Some privacy should be appropriated. It was a pleasure to meet you (Y/n) and welcome home." He shut the door and left our room before you could say anything.

"That guy's amazing, did I tell you? If you know him, you'll understand me. He's a big authority and-..."

"What did he tell you?" You interrupted him giving him a stern look "It was about me, wasn't it?" You didn't know where you've got that brave from. Maybe because you were a little scared about what exactly Theo whispered into Jerome's ear?

"I really hate it when some interrupts me..." Jerome grumbled giving you a death stare, his bearing was cramped and he clenched his fists; it looked like he was about to kill you every minute "It's very impolite to interrupt someone, don't you think?"

You couldn't say anything so you just nodded quickly in panicking and fear. More and more you just wanted to go home. You wished you never took the bus to your friend, instead you just could've ask them to hook you up then you wouldn't have been here.

You really didn't want to live like that: being frightened from your oh so called partner because he could kill you every time you were doing a mistake in his eyes.

"Good," but then his death stare and cramped bearing faded instantly and as always he gave you a warm smile "Now to answer your question..." Jerome grabbed your waist pulling you close to him, his nails were dug in your skin that it almost hurt a little "He and I made a little deal before I...you know...kidnapped you."

"And what for a deal?" You frowned confused.

"You should stay here telling nobody about him keeping me and the others here and so on...because if not he kills you." He chuckled louldy "Isn't that fun? He really thinks he can kill you."

You widened your eyes in shock and fear. You hoped you haven't heard it right. Theo will kill you if you lose any word about this here? You won't be able to go back to your home? To message your friends? Nothing?

More and more you felt like a prisoner...and more and more you felt like an object than a human. You were pressured, they decided everything for you... practically your only task was to entertain Jerome...however he wanted it.

"Don't worry, doll, he won't even dare to lay a finger on you." Jerome grabbed your cheeks softly and leaned his forehead against yours, his lips hovered over yours "Because I am the boss. Really no one wants me to be mad because you know... they'll end up dead."

He pressed his lips on yours roughly, his grip on your cheeks tightened. His tongue slipped into your mouth while he nibbled on your lower lip. You let out a little moan in arousal. As if it was a reflex you automatically wrapped your arms around his neck.

Jerome's hands wandered down; along your breasts what made you shiver and gasp, his hands stopped at your waist.

"I almost forgot the feeling when I touch your soft lips doll." Jerome interrupted the kiss and let out a sigh in arousal throwing his head back.

You blushed hard, a slight giggle escaped your lips.

With this kiss, Jerome calmed you down a lot. It let you remind of that one special night again: the butterflies in your stomach, the happiness... You could say, for a short moment you almost forgot about his craziness and him being a murderer.

On the other hand, you still felt strange about the whole thing. A criminal was obsessed with you, his obsession was that big that no one was allowed to do anything with you...and also that you couldn't go back to your friends... You didn't like it at all. Your friends were more important to you than Jerome. You knew them for years and him... You've just met once.

Jerome kissed you again deeply, then he made his way down your jawline to your neck. You let out a little moan as he kissed started to suck on your sweet spot. His hands travelled under your shirt up to your bra clip to open it. You unbottoned his shirt and ripped it off his body while he tugged your bra from your body. You felt him biting your neck, first slightly then harder. It hurt a little and you knew that you'd be marked sooner or later - but you didn't mind. You knew what was coming right now. It was exactly like the first time you two had sex.

Jerome ripped your shirt off from your body and then stopped every single actions. He was eyes you, he stared at every little part of your body. He was like a wild animal staring at its prey and just waited for the perfect moment to catch it.

It made you shiver, but you loved it anyhow. It was very new but you could get used to it.

"Oh, how I missed that view," Jerome bit his lip with lust still viewing your whole body "Time to make up that whole year."

Jerome grabbed you by your waist and literally threw you into the king size bed right behind you. He was so eager to rip your clothes from your body to feel all this pleasure he has felt one year ago. He wanted to feel your soft skin on his, to hear you moans every time he thrusted into you, he wanted to be into you. He couldn't wait for it, so violently he unbottoned your jeans literally ripped them off your body.

You blushed hard. You were excited, surprised, but still you felt uncomfortable. You wondered whst was happening now. Does he expect any dirty kinks from you? Calling him daddy? Any pet names? Or other ordinary kinks?

You hoped for the best, you hoped nothing would have changed and you could just go on.

Jerome grabbed your face again and kissed you deeply nibbling on your lower lip. While that he pulled down your panties and inserted a finger into your cunt. You let out a sharp moan and your hips bucked quickly through the strong intensity of him hitting your sweet spot. You couldn't help but digging you nails in the sheets of his bed and arching your back as he speeded up.

He was rougher with you than before, almost violently. It hurt and was fast but it felt so good at the same time. You started liking it even more than the soft stuff one year ago. Your pleasure was stronger and him being rough kind of turned you on.

Jerome inserted another finger into your wet entrance what let you moan a little louder and your hips bucked.

Jerome curled up his fingers inside you harder and faster what made you moan louder. You grabbed the sheets of the bed tight to handle this big amount of pleasure.

Your back arched as he hit your g spot for another time. There again, you had this incredible feeling, all the upcoming pleasure in your body caused you a cribbing feeling in your abdomen that spread through your limbs up to your shoulders - this time it was much more intense though. Your core was aching and you became needy for his cock. Indeed, you were well pleasured but you want more. You wanted him to bury his member inside of you, filling up every inch of your cunt, making you scream and cum over and over again.

All your sorrows and worries disappeared all of a sudden. You didn't do anything for it; You just had eyes for Jerome and how he'd make you done undome several times. You didn't care about whether the others would hear you or not, you didn't care whether you'd rip the sheets apart or vice versa. You didn't care about anything.

You bit your lip in pleasure after you let out a loud moan as you noticed you were close.

Jerome pressed his thumb on your clit while continuing to pleasure you making you gasp. Your moans became louder and it became harder to hold them back. They way he did it just made you feel so good.

"Close already, huh?" Jerome pressed his thumb harder on your clit rubbing it in circling motions "Come for me, doll." His eyes kept staring on you. He loved hearing you moan his name through all the pleasure he was giving you. It aroused him much more than usual. He missed you and all this - he really did. The things that happened in his cell were nothing compared to you.

"Ahh fuck!" Right after he finished his sentence you released yourself with a lot cry.

The sweat was dripping down your forehead, you breathed heavy and uneven, and your legs were shaking and felt weak.

It was amazing for you. You admitted to yourself how much you missed this and you now remembered how good he made you feel.

With his strength, Jerome turned you around on your stomach waisting no time.

You blushed hard being a little worried about what's coming next.

"On all four, kitten." You blushed harder and did what he said. You felt a little strange with that nickname, it was very new to you, and honestly you would have never expected that from Jerome. His first impression to was him being a soft guy who rather prefers the normal way of how sex goes like...and generally, he didn't seem to be a dominant and rough guy.

You heard him walking a few steps backwards taking something. You were a little afraid what was coming now. You were afraid that he was taking a knife or other kind of weapons to do with you some dirty acts.

"My, my, my...You have such a beautiful body, you know that kitten?" Suddenly you felt something cold and sharp wandering down your spine. It made you shiver and gasp. You knew it was a knife and you just waited until Jerome started to hurt you "How many boys might have touched you when I was absent?"

"N-no one...w-where-...." You stammered in fear hoping nothing bad will happen. You didn't know where he's got that from suddenly. Was he jealous? Was he 'scared' that you could have a boyfriend and that he needs to make a plan to kill him?

"You really want me to believe that?" Jerome unbottoned his jeans and grabbed your waist violently inserting his dick into your wet entrance "It sounds a little surreal, don't you think? Who would not betray a blood-thirsty and cold-hearted murderer who's busted in Arkham?"

He didn't move though. Instead he pulled pulled on your hair tight that your head fell back what are you moan again. But instantly, your breathe hitched as you felt a cold and sharp knife pressed on your throat. Now you were scared, almost panicking. You hoped he didn't slit your throat.

"You know, I'm not a fan telling me a lie." He pressed the knife harder against your throat. You cut feel how the sharp blade cut your thin skin. Your body shivered in fear, your pulse was running and your breath was uneven. It felt like every minute could be your last one, it was just a matter of time until he killed you.

"I-I would n-never lie to you." You stammered quickly "H-honestly, I j-just though about y-you..." It was the truth. You really did. The whole year where Jerome was gone you didn't even think of dating a boy or of a simple one off. You were too much stuck in your thoughts about him, how he was doing, what he has become...

"Is that so?" Jerome didn't really sound convinced what let you panicking more.

"Y-yes," You gulped because you knew what you had to say now: you had to say you liked him "You J-Jerome...the l-last year was...i-it was hard for me b-because-..."

"Because?" You felt how the blade was pressed deeper in your skin and slightly moved to make a longer cut in your throat.

"Well," You gasped as Jerome stopped moving the blade "I-I....like y-you..."

This was not completely true but not completely wrong, as well. You did like him, but the old him more. You weren't scared of the old Jerome, you liked him being soft and kind...not frightening with this permanent changing behavior.

He said nothing at first, you could just feel his grin against your ear.

He put the blade aside what let you sigh in relief. You calmed down a little seeing the blade on the floor.

"I know, doll." His head moved from your ear, his hands were both placed on your waist.

And again, he started to thrusted violently into your wet entrance. You swore with a loud moan and arched your back.

Immediately, Jerome speeded up permanently pushing you against him to drill his member deeper into your cunt. His nails were dug into your waist what made you biting your lip.

Your whole body felt weak with every thrust he did into you. You body shivered slightly through this overwhelming pleasure. Every thrust hurt more, each of your moans became louder. Your nails were dug into the sheets of the bed deeply but still the pleasure he was giving you was too much. You couldn't handle it.

You moaned louder, almost uncontrollably, then your body gave in and you slightly collapsed in the bed.

Jerome though didn't waist no time - he kept drilling his member into you, grabbed your hair and pulled you upwards by your hair again.

"Oh my God, Jerome!" You cried out in pleasure while your legs shivered.

"So eager for my cock, you little slut, aren't we?" Jerome grunted and speeded up a third time.

You moaned louder, almost screamed. You felt how your walls clenched against his cock - you were close. You didn't know whether you could hold it back. It all was too much for you. You felt a knot in your stomach that was built up. It hardened with every thrust Jerome did.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-...!" You almost screamed digging your nails deeper in the sheets of the bed as you came. You couldn't even finish your sentence. With a few more thrusts, Jerome came as well.

You both collapsed on the bed. He still laid on you not even pulling out his member.

Silence filled the room for a while, just your gasps for air broke it here and there.

You felt Jerome's warm breathe on your skin every time he breathed out.

You closed your eyes for a moment enjoying this half broken silence.

Many thoughts crashed in your head together:

You told Jerome that you liked him and he surely will take advantage of it. Maybe he wants to force you to violent things like shooting at people or hurting them otherwise? And every time, you refuse he'd tell you stupid stuff like but I thought you like me, doll. You kinda regret what you said because you knew it will have consequences.

Another point would be his now increasing obsession and possessiveness towards you. Now he had the final proof that you wanted to be his and no one could ruin him that. He could call you his property because you liked him which meant for him: you wanted to be with him, you wanted to be his queen of Gotham, you wanted to spread chaos with him. Everyone else was his rival.

But then you thought that on the other hand, it was okay to be his. Everyone knew crazy Jerome could probably be so no one wanted him to be mad, as he said. And so nothing would happen to you.

"Even better than the first time" Jerome rolled off of you staring at the ceiling for a while while taking deep breathes.

"I agree," You slightly chuckled.

"And doll, " Jerome grabbed your cheeks pressing his face against yours that his lips hovered over yours "Never forget who you belong to. We don't want things turning out bad, do we?"

"N-no." You shook your head fast.

"Good...because you're mine."

[fafulous]

Take Me Home (1/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Themes: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS ((The series is following the BOOK ENDING and not Show)), Sad and soft Andy Barber, Single Mother Reader. Cursing.

a/n: I hope you guys like it. We all know Andy deserves some softness :’)

The one thing you cherished about your neighbourhood was its calming silence.

Away from the hustle and bustle of the 21st century fast pacers. It did not give you any force to lead a rush life. No matter how hard life was you enjoyed this serenity, just like your neighbours.

You were the only one relatively younger in your neighbourhood, for this place was normally owned by retired elderly after experiencing everything life had to offer. But for you and your three-year-old little son, it was a second chance at life. All your neighbours except for that one loner house beside you was occupied by retired veterans and war heroes.

But that soon changed.

A man by the name Andrew Barber had moved to the house beside you. You got to know one day when you saw a huge truck with people going in and out of the house with clean and neat furniture.

Seeing all that, your vivid imagination went running and tried to picture how this man would look. Judging by the furniture (which made no sense), you thought your new neighbour was someone who would be simple and felt it wasn’t going to be someone who was, you know, old.

Oh boy were you right.

Once those packers went by, you saw him.

Andrew Barber was nothing what you thought out to be. Tall and broad, his back muscles would tell you its own tale. From afar you noticed his biceps never failed him too, for his arms screamed whenever he went in and out with a huge piece of cardboard boxes. His facial hair was a bit messy, like he is just moving into his new abode right after a sloth nap. You weren’t sure but his blue eyes had a dull finish that were deep embedded in his sunken face.

You also took notice of his sleek black Audi A6 which was parked by his driveway; It was not easy to peel your eyes away from its beauty.

This was wrong. You’re a single mother with the most adorable kid you could’ve ever asked for. After a struggle of six months your son Nikolai and you have found a hint of stability; single parenting is never easy unless you get the hang of it.

And you did.

Before you could offer any refreshments, your neighbours beat you to it. They were too kind. They were the elderly parents whose snobbish kids only visited once a year. Hence you decided to fill the gap in their lives. They loved you and you loved them back.

So now you decided that maybe when the time is right, you could meet him in a day or two and get to know each other.

Right?

 —

This was new for Andy. Very foreign too.

To live a life without Laurie and Jacob was something he never expected to happen after the trial. It’s been a good handful of weeks since it happened. He did not even have the heart to think more about his son. His eyes would cloud with tears and the whole day would go wasted in drowning himself in sorrow and liquor.

He was still mourning after all.

So he decided to move. Move away from his house that reminded of his 17 years of a marriage that only seemed successful, only for it go wrong in an impulse. Move away from all of the local tabloids that hinted at himself being a next murderer. 

Move away from his unsuccessful lineage.

Scattered around him were boxes of his stuff at his new house, his stuff alone. Laurie’s stuff was nearly packed and sent away to her parents’ home, the last time he’ll ever associate himself with her family.

Yes, her family.

Andy did file for a divorce while she was in prison, but that was a long procedure until it became official. However hard it was to sign those papers; it was as hard to let go of Laurie. Because if he lets her go, he has nobody.

A lone sunken soul.

The packers truck got in half of his belongings, the remaining which will come tomorrow. It was difficult moving especially with one single person. His neighbours were all elderly, so surely, he could not ask anyone for help. Also, it was another reason he chose this locality, he could be alone while he knew he lived in a tightly knitted community filled with respected war veterans. 

He was extremely taken aback when many of his neighbours offered him freshly cooked food and refreshments to get over the day. He was thankful. They knew about his past and still they accepted him and asked him to reach out if any help was needed.

Andy’s day went ahead unpacking his clothes first, which took his time. He wondered if he’d ever need the fashionable suits and ties, he wore to work. There was a job opening at a swimming instructor at the local community gym; all he needs are those Speedos. But nevertheless, he kept then all back, trying to keep his mind preoccupied in cleaning.

But all that effort seemed futile for every memory crashed down when he unpacked his wedding tux.

He felt too claustrophobic, buried his hand in his face. He no longer had a marriage. He no longer had anyone to look after.

He no longer had anyone to look after him.

But amidst all this chaos in his foggy mind, he hears a lovely toothy giggle of a child. 

He peeks out of his window to see a young mother and her small son sitting in their backyard with a picnic spread in front of them, while the little boy kept tripping over the grass purposefully just so he could laugh and make his mother laugh too. Andy had no idea he had a middle-aged family living nearby.

Seeing you and the son spread this familiar warmth inside Andy, reminiscing how he had this. It reminded Andy of a happier time. 

Soon to be replaced with anguish. He would never have that again. He missed feeling the warmth of family, the love of a wife. Life never really gave second chances he believed.

He noticed you, a caring mother placing the little one on your lap while you fed him all the scrumptious food. He didn’t fail to miss how your eyes shined with happiness. A happy woman is always a pretty woman at heart; it is something he used to tell himself. A soft chuckle left out of Andy’s lips as he saw the boy eat the food messily, but you seemed to be patient, responding lovingly towards his naughty antics. 

Her husband is one lucky son of a bitch.

He could watch you two all day, but that would be extremely inappropriate. Right now, Andy wanted his newfound house to look like a home.

Next day went by and it didn’t seem like he was getting anywhere near getting his house ready. He was waiting for another truck to get more of his stuff while he sipped on some bear till the movers arrived. They unloaded most of his stuff at his lawn and went away.

“Need a hand moving those boxes?”

Andy turned around to a gentle voice of the same woman who had he had seen yesterday with the small child.

You.

A chilly afternoon, he wasn’t surprised you sporting a loose, fluffy knitted woollen pullover with black leggings. Your hair was tied up in a bun and then noticed that he was probably staring at you for a long time.

“Uh- No. I’m fine, thank you.”

But you kept standing there looking at him smirking. He was literally struggling to carry all those boxes “Your body language says something else.”

When he looked up you saw his sunken eyes with even more detail as though the man hasn’t slept in days, “Would I be desperate man if I said yes?”

You chuckled, “Not at all. I’m Y/N Y/LN.”

“Andrew Barber”, he stretched out his hand for a warm greeting with a firm handshake. The feeling of his rough palms sends small jitters to you, but you ignored it; and just like that you resumed. 

You helped him lift the bigger boxes to his house even though you knew he carried most of the weight. Two could always get the work done sooner. Both of you didn’t talk much for these 20 minutes but it was a comfortable silence while both of you took sneaky glances at each other’s features.

When you neared him, you realized he was lot more than just handsome. Sunken face was holding two blue eyes that would be enticing if he had put any effort to put any life in them. His beard was neatly trimmed although scruffy, just like you saw yesterday.

Andy on the other hand was just too despondent to, you know, check you out. He thought you to be a beautiful woman with a kind heart, especially after seeing you and your son yesterday.

He even thought of asking you about your son and family, but that would be too intrusive he wondered.

Andy thought you’d leave after moving the boxes but you insisted you’d stay to help unpack his stuff and maybe cook some lunch for him since he didn’t even unpack his kitchen utensils out. He was ready to accept the help only for a second.

The Andrew Barber he knew before the events of the trial would have gladly accepted, maybe even made lunch for the beautiful lady, instead of you, who graciously offered him help. He was divorced now so there was nothing stopping him.

But do you really deserve a fresh start with a lady Andy?

Would she be here if she knew who you really were?

His mind was plagued. He moved here with the intention of a fresh start but, he wondered if anyone would actually accept him. He decided for himself that they wouldn’t.

“It’s alright Y/N. Thanks for your help.”

There was no way a man could set up his home all alone you thought. “Mr. Barber, are you sure? I really have no problem. I’m completely unoccupied at the moment. Besides Nikolai-”

“No.”

You blinked at his curt reply.

“I’m good Y/N. I can take care of the remaining stuff here. You can go now.”

Looking at him made you realise how conflicted he was. His words likely meant that he didn’t require your presence but his whole demeanour looked like just wanted some god damn company. He didn’t mind your help at first, but at the same time now he was pushing you away. What changed?

So much for making acquaintances with the new neighbour, you thought.

Without saying anything you stiffly nodded, Andy realizing the offence written all over your face, and saw you walk away from his abode closing his door politely.

It was probably for the best to keep distance from a kind woman like you. He knew you were trying to get acquainted with him like any normal person would, but Andy was firmly grounded that he and normalcy would never go back again.

The minute you left he opened another beer bottle to sink himself. This fresh start for Andy was just bullshit.

–

You rushed back the minute you closed Mr. Grumpy Cat’s door and made a beeline to your home, only to see your son playing on the countertop with one your elderly neighbour. 

“Thank you, Mr. Arthur, for taking care of Nikolai. I hope he didn’t cause much trouble.”

“I’d do anything for you sweet pea, Nikolai was a sweetheart.” The old man chuckled and turned to leave, “By the way last weekend’s pot pie was delicious. I had to make it up to you.”

Returning a hug, you thanked your neighbour again and leaped your son in your arms, attacking him with kissed while he spurted giggles. “Mommy it tickles!”

“Guess what happened peaches? I met our new neighbour”

Nikolai clapped his hand “Mista Wandew Bahhba?”

Your son was hell bent on knowing the name of the newcomer after he laid his eyes on the stylish black Audi. Boys always know their toys.

You nodded, “He’s a grumpy man peaches. I have no idea what to do with him.” And just like that you began speaking with Nikolai. He was your only company to talk. He never really understood anything, but your talented son did a fairly good job of putting up a pretense to hear.

“I offered him help and he says yes. Then I kindly ask him if I can help him more, you know like cook homemade spaghetti. But instead he becomes snippy with me?”

“Woh no,” your son whispered to your exclamation, which in reality was for his superhero figurines falling on to the floor. “I like his cahr mommy.”

“So do I Niko, but I so do not like him,” you paused and gave him a kiss on the forehead, “Guess we’re the only sunshine in this neighbourhood peaches.”

—

Days went by and you rarely interacted with your new neighbour.

Oh and when it did, it really never went well for you.

The first time was when a few standard posts under the name of Mr. Barber arrived at your doorstep, since he wasn’t available at his house. Like any other hospitable neighbour, you signed the post and made sure to drop it by him when he gets back.

"Uh Mr. Barber the post man dropped this by at our doorstep since you weren’t available. I thought I should give it to you.”

Andy opened the door with a few knocks and saw you standing with a few posts in a fluffy cable knit sweater. He took the posts from you, gently brushing over your hands. He perused through them quickly and gave you that conflicted stern look.

“I appreciate it Mrs. Y/L/N, but next time I’d like to collect my own posts irrespective of its nature. You can tell them I can collect it from the post office”

Was this man for real?

You crossed your arms and gave him back that stern look too. He wasn’t going to get away without you throwing shade. “Oh you know Mr. Barber I was just trying to be a good neighbour. It’s not like I’m dying here to get associated with you.”

He gave you a nasty grin which triggered you to make you leave away from his threshold.

Andy thought for a moment that he already crossed the line with the wrong woman.

The next time you met him was probably the last time you would ever meet him.

Your shift at the library got too late, for you were the Librarian of the local Library. You didn’t have to worry much about picking up your son late for he was at Mr. Arthur’s.

But coming home realising that he was sitting on the front porch of Andrew’s house made you park your car haphazardly in your driveway and run up to your child, ignoring Andrew’s presence.

“I’m so sorry sweetie. What are you doing here Niko?”

Andy interrupted, “Mr. Arthur had to visit the hospital. He was catching the flu and he didn’t want to give it to Nikolai here.”

You didn’t want to meet his gaze, but you forced yourself for you were grateful for this kind gesture. Maybe this Grumpy Cat has a kind heart after all.

“Mr. Barber, thank you so much for taking care of Niko. My phone must’ve been on silent if Arthur wanted to contact me.”

“Oh, don’t thank me Mrs. Y/L/N. I am just filling in the gaps of irresponsible parenting.”

It felt like a blunt hit to your heart. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, you heard me.” he whispered so closely that you could smell his musky deodorant with a hint of beer. Your son was out of earshot, sipping on a glass of lemonade that was probably offered by this man. “Trust me I know what happens to a child that is always kept away from their caretakers.”

He quickly went on to say how Nikolai was a special child when your son came near you both and how your family should take more care in your child. You never really listened for your eyes threatened to pierce with tears. No way were you going to cry in front of this man.

“Thank you Mista Wandi.”

“Anytime buddy.”

He went up and shut the door, like it was a personal aimed at you.

And you just stood there feeling numb while Niko tugged on your work coat.

“Let’s go home Mommi.”

The audacity to tell you how to be a parent. Did he even have a child? Does he even know how to it is to take care of a child single handed?

But those questions never mattered. No matter how positive you are in life, its never nice to hear someone spew your flaws on to your face.

Meanwhile minutes passed when Andy soon realised how he had royally fucked up. Everyday around 5pm you and your child would come along to the backyard and have a snack ritual while both of you played or read story books. For Andy, though he chided himself for his stalking behaviour, it brought him a sense of peace to see your son scream with shrills of laughter when he ran around the lawn.

He had nothing against you, yet he was being selfish.

I be mean to her; I stay away from here. Simple.

Today however, Nikolai sat facing away from his ypu munching on freshly baked cookies while you sported a tear stained face. He felt a twinge when he saw you staring straight ahead with a blank stare while tears rolled down. His heart successfully sunked when he saw Nikolai trying to wipe your tears and hug you. Andrew then sat down dramatically on his chair when he saw you breakdown into your son’s fragile shoulders.

Apologies wouldn’t fix this. It would, but Andrew Barber the resilient thought that being obnoxiously rude to someone he wants to be close to will make them hate him.

He never thought it would hurt you.

He decided not to take any efforts in an apology; or it could take more than an apology.

—

A few weeks passed by and you tried your level best and succeeded in avoiding banters with Mr. Grumpy Cat. Whenever you saw him, a flurry of rage fell over you. Was it your mistake you were trying to be friendly to your only attractive neighbour?

Strike out attractive. A mean soul was never attractive.

Andrew Barber on the other hand dreaded what had happened; he was a little too late to the party to realise that your house had no male inhabitant, except for that one man who had made a visit.

He soon deduced that you were a single mother.

Too late rather Andy.

And when he recalled what he had said to you, he wanted you to slap him in the face. Hard enough to have a bruise that lasted for a year.

Nikolai and you always woke up late on a weekend morning. Both of you always shared and slept in the same room for Nikolai had regularly occurring nightmares.

You never realised but you and Niko woke up a small commotion outside your house, or probably his house.

Plus, the other day it so happened Nikolai’s father paid a terribly long visit, pleading you to take him back into your life. He felt apologetic for what he did. But that lingering memory was soon cut off by Grumpy Cat’s voice.

Knowing his tendencies to irate his neighbours, (or maybe just you exclusively) you ignored it and began serving late breakfast pancakes for your son. But you soon stopped when you heard a loud, hoarse bellow.

“GET OFF MY LAWN!”

You looked outside of your window to see a bunch of vans and the reporters standing outside Andy’s lawn. Niko ran up to you and carried him over your hip for the little one heard the scary yell too.

Andy’s car was parked haphazardly on the pavement. A pair or more of reporters were taking pictures of him and his vandalised garage door.

“Oh my god.”

You put down Niko and asked him to play with his toys. Yes, you hated Andrew but what you saw on his now tainted garage door made you want to retch. It was such a distasteful thing to do. It appeared as if a spray can paint was used to write whatever it was on the door:

MURDERER, YOU WILL ROT IN HELL TOO.

Andy crouched down on his knees, his hands covering his face and ruggedly running his hands through his hair, while he kneeled down in front of the vandalism.

The very reason he moved away from Newton was now on his garage door.

You wanted to go out and help him, but your ego wouldn’t let you. Why should you help a man who was nothing but mean to you all this while?

Luckily enough you saw Mr. Arthur and a couple of his old friends admonishing the press. They threatened that this community was filled with retired war veterans and that they would charge them for community trespassing and disrupting the lives of people who have lost a limb and more for this country.

Hearing that threat made the desperate amateur reporters leave from the vicinity as soon as possible.

Andy stood up and tried to process this whole situation, looking around for any sort of help, only to lay his eyes on the faint image you from your window.

You expected him to shout and rage and ask you to fuck off from staring at his pitiful state. But he didn’t. You would never forget those embarrassed sunken eyes, silently pleading for help.

He didn’t deserve this. You have no idea about his past or who he was to garner such attention, but this was just cruel. He soon averted from your gaze and went on to thank his fellow elderly friends and made his way inside home.

Later in the evening, you caught Andy scrubbing the ugly writings with cloth and soap water. After a while, he took a few steps behind and saw that they words were still there but faded.

“I had some grey paint for Nikolai’s nursery, but never got the chance to do it.”

Andy turned to that sweet voice of yours and hesitated in meeting your gaze. He was embarrassed, for you stood there, giving out an arm to help him again despite his foul behaviour. He saw little Nikolai standing behind you with his shabby brown hair that reminded him of Jacob, clutching onto your legs while he peaked at him. He didn’t understand what you mean by the whole nursery thing, but he stood up and finally, both of you took in each other’s gaze.

Andy’s eyes were even more sunken than he had when he arrived, his blue orbs sunk in a sea of red. He must have been crying. He saw you were missing your feisty eyes that you always sported. Maybe it’s because you despised him so much.

“It’s not the exact colour of your garage door but it can do the trick I suppose.”

The second you handed over the paint to him, you quickly turned around to head towards your home. But Andy didn’t want to push you further anymore by being a dick. He was ready to apologise.

“Hey please listen up! I really am s- “

“No no no,” your voice trembled; this habit of crying while you were angry was just exasperating you wondered, “I think its best we don’t hold conversation Mr. Barber. This will be probably my last interaction with you; what happened to you was horrid and ugly. You don’t deserve that. That much I know”

Andy was hesitant, embarrassed. “Mrs. Y/L/N- “

“Quit calling me a missus! I am not even fucking married anymore-” you said drawing quotes in the air, to be interrupted by a little tug at your coat. You realised that your kid was standing next to you. And you swore in front of him. Great parenting.

“Oh Niko,” you picked him up and peppered him with a few kisses, “Sorry for that language. Mommy won’t swear again okay. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah”, the kid nodded and buried his head into your neck and hugging you tightly.

"Let’s go, sweetie. I’m done with this man.”

As you went away the little boy who was wrapped around over your shoulder waved with his short hands to Andy. To Nikolai, Andy was the one who had the coolest car and made the best lemonade (which he had when he was made to wait for his mom). He never really understood the intensity of adults’ arguments. He was just a grateful child.

It was only then Andy realised he had to make it up to you by any means for he stood there alone feeling like a real douchebag with a paint can in his hands.

—

Part 2

—

Taglist (IS OPEN): @sinner-as-saint @captainscanadian, @kakakatey @bluevelvetsam

@mrsbarneswillseeyounow

@anqelicstarc @lcandothisallday @https-bucky @readermia @chrisevansforever @ruthyalva96 @thedarkplume @sammyfresh @bloglovelylady @stuckys-dirty-girl @rindaastridfreakinreign @buckys-plums3 @marvelouspottering @sweetlittlegingy @emilykjhgsj @poppunkdork @bval-1lovepeacefood

@captainchrisstan @hista-girl @xlanawriter

@denisemarieangelina @xoxabs88xox @adreamemporium @yoncevans @oceanlenny @ididntchoosethislife @evansinlove @ninaminaromina @sodonutnutnut @nickysurfer28 @captainchrisstan​ @charmed-asylum​ @lovepeacefood @trashboggart​

[utterlyinevitable]

After seeing ur explanation for that anon i really want to see a fic or a hc of ethan as a dad and becca as mom can u please do it??

omg okay ahhh my babys having babies. this is gonna be long and idk if it’ll make sense bc imma jot down everything i know about domestic e&b.  

[just finished and... this is long and broken down into 6 categories........... enjoy!]

Ethan & Becca as Parents

The Pregnancy 

They didn’t plan on having children, it just kind of happened. Becca and Ethan took a day for the news to settle before they jumped into excited, expecting parents mode.

The most exciting part was renovating the condo to make the most perfect nursery and shopping for decorations and mentally planning all the traditions and things they’d love to give to their little family. 

All of the happiness couldn’t mask the struggles of pregnancy. 

Becca hated being pregnant. She was sick and nauseous constantly, and her back and feet always ached. 

Throughout the whole thing Ethan doted on her; holding her hair back and learning how to tie it up in the way she likes, rubbing her back, running out to get whatever she was craving. 

He even made copious amounts of notes about her eating patterns. Enough to keep two of everything in the condo. 

If she was having a restless night, he would too; even if she was restless for non-human-growing reasons. 

They were in this together.

And even when she was huddled over a garbage pail, dribble running down her chin, she never looked more beautiful to him. 

There was just something about all this that made him feel all weird and fuzzy inside. 

When her symptoms barely settled throughout the second trimester she overhauled her entire birthing plan. There was no way she was making it to 42 weeks. She was absolutely miserable. So she made a c-section appointment for 40 weeks. 

She had an entire argument with Ethan one evening (she really was only yelling while he nodded his head). Her main points were:  “It’s my body and the baby will be fine. I was born 6 weeks early and I turned out fantastic!” and  “Once the baby’s out of me I’m still going to have to pee. Omg what if she rips me open!? How am I supposed to use the bathroom without worrying about my stitches?”  

All he kept reiterating was:  “I love you. I trust you and your instincts.” 

Becca felt better as he held her face in his large hands, his calming azure eyes boring into hers and letting her know everything will be alight. 

But deep down she spent the next few weeks since making the appointment wondering if she should have given vaginal birth a try. She didn’t want Ethan to resent her for chickening out of her body’s natural function. 

The Birth 

Becca made it to her c-section appointment. Happily rubbing her large belly and glowing:  “I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore! Never do this to me again.” 

All Ethan did was chuckle. 

He was happy she was getting color back and that her symptoms finally settled enough for her to spend the last few weeks enjoying their daughters kicks. But oh my god was Ethan Ramsey terrified of being a father. 

He wouldn’t tell Becca though. She was emotional and worried enough as is. Any and all his concerns were saved for the short conversations he had with his father.  “Don’t overthink it, son. The moment you lay eyes on your daughter you’ll know what to do. It’s instinct. Biology. That was your best subject in school, wasn’t it?” Alan would joke.  

The surgery went off without a hitch. 

All of Becca’s hatred for the phenomenon of pregnancy vanished the second the nurse placed their daughter on her chest. 

Rebecca was in awe. She made that! This little person came out of her! This little pink person that looks like a plucked chicken with a tiny tuft of brown hair was here and she was beautiful. The perfect combination of her and Ethan. 

The embodiment of their love.   

Dakota Dolores Ramsey was completely unplanned. Unplanned but not unwanted.  

The first time Ethan Ramsey held his daughter time froze. The universe needed a minute to process the broad grin and full heart thumping rapidly from this stoic and reserved man. 

The earth was about to spin the wrong way but then Dakota opened her eyes.

Everything was the way divinity had planned it.  

At Home

Although Ethan and Becca lived a 10 minutes drive from Edenbrook, nearly a straight run, Becca forced him to drive as slow as possible. 

Dakota was asleep and she needed to keep it that way. 

Due to her stitches, Becca was forced to take things easy. No matter how many times she argued with Ethan that she was capable of menial tasks around the house. 

Ethan would not let her lift a finger. 

If Dakota needed a change he’d happily do it. if Becca was hungry he’d make her favorite. 

“You had her to yourself for nine months. Let me take the next few days.” Becca went to retort, all she wanted was to hold her baby for the rest of eternity. She’d never tire of looking at her scrunched up potato face and watching as her features changed every moment of every day. “I promise to share.” “You better,” she kissed him as he tucked her into bed for a much needed nap.

The only thing he was forced to share with his partner was feeding duty - Becca was adamant on breast feeding. A bottle would not touch their daughters lips for months to come. 

That in itself brought its own challenges. 

Most nights Ethan laid in bed with Becca curled up at his side in one arm and Dakota resting on his bare chest. 

Parenting was weird, but an exhilarating change. 

Ethan couldn’t diagnose what he could have possibly have done right in his life to be this wholly happy. 

The Second

Once Ethan and Becca had one child they were both itching for a second.

“You know what say: ‘if you have one you have to have two’.” “Is that so?”  “You don’t want Dakota to have a sibling?”  “I was an only child and look how I turned out.”  “Emotionally stunted and certified loner?” she teased. 

Truth be told, Ethan wanted another. He’s been thinking of giving his pride and joy a few siblings for weeks now. He just didn’t know how to tell Becca. 

Becca complained frequently about how happy she was to not be pregnant, and often about how her scar healed funnily. 

All of the signs pointed to her not wanting another. And Ethan was okay with that. He never expected to have one child. He’d cherish every moment of what’s been placed right in his fingertips. 

He’ll let his soon-to-be wife choose their path. She’s dictated everything else thus far. Ethan was elated she chose him to be along for the ride. 

After Dakota’s first birthday, when they made the decision to have another, they tried desperately to conceive.

“I really don’t want to have to deal with diapers for five years,” was Becca’s main reason for keeping the kids close in age.  “We can try surrogacy.” Ethan offered, knowing how much she hated pregnancy. He didn’t want to push her into anything.    “No. I have to do it. I’ll do it for our kids. But you owe me big time.”  

And 14 months later Caroline Marie Ramsey made her grand appearance. 

And Becca got her first push present. 

The Last 

It’s fitting that four years later Ethan and Becca were blessed with another surprise. 

Her pregnancy with James Jonah was the smoothest of them all. 

Of course that meant something had to go wrong. 

At 34 weeks Becca went into premature vaginal labor. 

Within six hours their baby boy arrived. 5lbs 2oz and looking like an alien. 

Ethan almost lost them both after the fact. 

Becca lost too much blood with the placenta and JJ was so tiny.  

But the Lao’s were fighters and they pulled through. Ethan cried at her bedside once the harrowing 24 hours were up. 

Becca stayed at the hospital for a week, Ethan and Alan bringing the girls to visit every single day. 

JJ had to stay a few days longer and Becca refused to leave until she could bring her son home. 

She went through her first experience with postpartum depression. Becca didn’t think anything could be worse than the mental toll her abortion had on her years earlier. But she was wrong.

She was so wrong. 

All their friends chipped in to help take care of the kids while Ethan devoted his time to helping his wife. The couple went to therapy, sometimes together, other times Ethan sat in the waiting room as Becca worked through her emotions. 

Months later, the parents were sitting at home. Ethan held their son and their daughters were curled on their laps: He muttered into his wife’s hair, “I’d like to have one more.”  “Not with me you’re not,” she scoffed. “We’re outnumbered as is.” 

JJ began to cry and the girls stirred. Dakota mumbling, “Tell the baby to shut up, I’m sleeping here.” 

They couldn’t help but laugh and pull apart to put their whole world to bed.  

Old and graying and spending more time at home with his kids, Ethan wanted just one more baby. Four was a strong, even number. He could have a whole daycare full of them - each one the best variations of him and Becca. 

Becca had spent a large portion of her 30s childrearing and she’s done. Done with diapers and formula, especially. She loves her children more than anything but they’re exhausting. She can’t wait for them to be in school full time and she can have some more alone time with her husband. It’s been so long since it’s been just them too.  

“Don’t hate me...”  “I could never hate you,” Ethan said as he brushed a few strands of hair from his wife’s face.  She swallowed and confidently said, “I want you to get a vasectomy.” 

He agreed without further consideration. She made a very compelling argument.  

Parenting 

Ethan is the doting helicopter dad and Becca is doctor drill sergeant. The kids get away with nothing under their mother’s watch. 

Ethan is very soft and adores his children. The grumpy attending could have a whole gaggle of them. He spoils his daughters rotten, picking up the newest doll and toy they’re obsessed with, and making them promise not to tell mommy. 

The women in Ethan’s life get away with everything and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the girls were born, Ethan stepped back at work letting the better Dr. Ramsey have her career defining moments.

He took half days to pick the girls up from preschool and would bring them to the park or museums. He’d even try to teach them to cook their favorite recipes on cold, rainy days. He’d tire them out so that he and mom could tuck them in after dinner.

Ethan’s afraid of his son. He’s afraid the tot is going to turn out exactly like him - he’s the spitting image, except that his hair curls like his mother’s. 

Instead of putting JJ in fulltime daycare, Ethan chose part time preschool. The girls were in primary school now and he’s taken a bigger step back from the hospital after the baby was born. 

He devotes all his free time to teaching his son about all he knows and learning all he doesn’t.  

Becca complains about the state of her vagina and stomach all the time. Never in front of the children but often enough Ethan knows the look on her face right before she says the same two lines.  

Her favorite activity is building forts and taking the kids to the beach. 

The holidays have never felt more alive with the full house. Ethan even became a Christmas and Valentines Day lover. 

Becca loved watching him change over the years. Every new first they celebrated with each child, every one of their kids passions, Ethan would adopt them all and make it his mission to be a connoisseur of every facet.

Dakota sat her parents down one day with a serious topic of conversation: “Mommy, Daddy. I’m going to be a fashion designer.” “Will you?”  “Yes. And I need to dress myself.” “As long as it’s weather appropriate, consider it done.”  “And we need to get supplies.” 

The conversation went on for 15 minutes with Ethan and Becca asking questions and Dakota making demands. Once they’ve settled on an agreement on how to make their daughter’s dream happen, Ethan retired to his office. He taught himself the basics of sewing.     

Even with all the struggles of raising three children in a suburb of Boston while balancing very demanding medical careers, Ethan and Becca wouldn’t have it any other way. The life they carved out of all their complications was worth it.  

All of this was inevitable. 

And they wouldn’t take a moment for granted.    

________________________________________

Um... this became bigger than intended... If you made it this far, thank you ♥

Masterlist

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble e @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @kaavyaethanramsey @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents @therookie @aylaramseycarrera @angela8754 @fireycookie @stateofgracious

Ethan:

@udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @hutchereverlark23 @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy @claredal424 @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @openheartthot @senseofduties @lilyvalentine @tsrookie @kalogh @aworldoffandoms @takemyopenheart t @casey-v @ramseyandrys @peaceinmidstofchaos

[witchofrvnswood]

the toxicity of sophie and agatha’s friendship (aka let’s bash on sophie time)

why hello! yes, it is i, bringing you yet another essay at 10 pm, when my brain is ready to die and my eyes keep shutting as i type this.

so i’ve been thinking of agaphie’s dynamic lately and the more i reread their scenes, the more i realized just how toxic and almost unbelievable their friendship is?

now, it should come as no surprise that sophie is a very toxic and bitter friend in the first arc, but i feel like her treatment of agatha contributed a lot to agatha’s character. or maybe agatha’s character contributed a lot to their friendship.

let’s analyze this.

so in the first book, we can see that their friendship, as sweet and pure as it seems, was only initiated because sophie wanted to go to the school for good. she befriended agatha because she was the resident outcast, the loner, maybe even an evil witch. despite becoming close over time, she still strongly believed agatha was a witch and would end up alone or go to the school for evil where she supposedly belonged.

as the book progresses, we see her at first, completely jealous of agatha’s place in the school she wanted to go to, but she starts being kind again as tedros starts flirting with her, seeming like she could have her happily ever after while in evil. but when that doesn’t work, she convinces agatha to visit the school master with her to ask to switch schools. when that doesn’t work, she begrudgingly agrees to go home, but when the riddle seems to say she must make tedros fall in love with her and kiss her, she abandons ALL plans, COMPLETELY disregards agatha’s longing to go home, and even decides to let her stay trapped in the good school, all so she can make tedros fall in love with her and STAY with him.

it reaches a breaking point when sophie avoids agatha after scoring tedros yet comes back to her after panicking about the trial and realizing she needs agatha to survive. only to blame agatha for her mistake with tedros, accuse her of being a witch and ruining her fairytale, and ultimately throwing her away.

we can see where this is going, yeah?

so obviously,,,, she’s a very conflicted and negative character in book 1, and very toxic and cruel to agatha. she doesn’t see her as a genuine friend, she has always seen her as a tool to get what she wants.

and the problem is, agatha lets her get away with it. but why?

the truth is, agatha has always been lonely. she’s an outcast, no one wants to talk to her. but when sophie showed up, she finally had a purpose in life. she finally earned someone’s love and she wanted to do anything she could to keep it,,, which is,,,, toxic! while sophie’s friendship with her had bad intentions, agatha only had good intentions, even if it led to actions that hurt her.

i feel like since agatha was clearly depressed with her life in general, when sophie came, she put all her happiness and potential happiness in her to a point where she couldn’t imagine a life without her. it’s just like callis said, agatha is revolving her whole life around sophie and being loyal to her “like a dog” rather than a human being.

in book two, we finally see agatha try to advocate for her own happiness, realizing she was trapped in a toxic friendship with sophie and that she thought happiness only lied with sophie, but it turns out it didn’t. on the other hand, sophie now sees agatha as a tool once again for her happy ending, except this time, it lies with her. she cheats and schemes to ensure that agatha has no connection to tedros and manipulates her into completely trusting her and even feeling BAD for even doubting her in the first place despite the fact that she tried to kill her and has only ever used her for her own personal gain.

in the end, agatha leaves sophie, sophie feels betrayed, and turns to rafal, which is a toxic relationship on it’s own - we’ll get to that on another day. agatha is now navigating her new relationship with tedros, they’re finally actually together, hip hip hooray. but they also have issues,,, which,,, majorly stem from agatha.

with tedros and agatha, we see a dynamic very different from sophie. with sophie, agatha has to be self sacrificing and do everything she can for sophie’s happiness for maybe some kind words and i love yous. she knows this is wrong but this is what she’s used to - so deep down, she expects this kind of treatment from tedros too. and when he ends up reciprocating her love completely and even being self sacrificial for her.... it feels wrong. it doesn’t feel liberating or good or free, it just feels wrong to her. because when you’re stuck in a toxic relationship for a long time, normal ones don’t feel right to you.

this causes her to pull away and question if she’s good enough for him. she’s doubting him because this doesn’t feel real to her, a love as good as that, seems like it’s ready to break at any moment. and sophie’s constant putting down of her at times can play into this too.

and finally, when sophie realizes that she doesn’t need a future with rafal to be queen, but instead sees an opportunity to manipulate tedros into being with her instead, she takes it. she doesn’t even seem concerned or at all guilty for what this means to agatha. she’s literally STEALING her man. and she has no shame.

why? because she doesn’t value agatha as a person. she sees her as her loyal friend, her savior, that’s all. she whole heartedly expects agatha to just drop tedros for her, because she’s proved she can do anything for sophie.

and when agatha resists, when she fights against sophie’s manipulation, she resorts to degrading her. she noticed that agatha felt unsure on being queen, and she pounced on that. 

Y’ALL, SHE WENT AS FAR AS TO CREATE  A FALSE REALITY WHERE AGATHA BEING QUEEN COULD JEOPARDIZE TEDROS’ FUTURE AND MADE AGATHA BELIEVE IT.

what the actual fucking fuck bullshit is this. that’s an AWFUL person.

she was even said to look at agatha as if they were friends working towards a new goal, as if she hadn’t just ask her to give up her happiness for her.

yeah i’m getting super heated just typing this.

even in the handbook and book four, we see her to be jealous of agatha’s role as queen and got enraged whenever someone brought her up. even throughout the camelot years, despite helping agatha and tedros through thick and thin, she was still pretty darn jealous of them and was not satisfied with being cast to the side. despite taking a break from relationships, after rafal’s emotional abuse, she desperately craves a love as pure as the one agatha has, and immediately gives rhian a chance.

to be honest, i’m not surprised with tedros and everyone else’s mistrust of sophie in book five, like she’s a SNAKE, she has proven she can do anything.

something else that bothers me? the way sophie never genuinely apologized for how she treated agatha or anyone else in the book she treated poorly, like DOT. (ahem fatshaming her despite her constant support and friendship).

(and the WAY nicola was dragged by the fandom for calling out sophie when NO ONE else bothered to. y’all suck sometimes, just saying it)

anyways i’m going to bed, it’s 11 now, the salt has been written, and i desperately need sleep- 

<3

[leggomylino]

Stray Kids Playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫

A/n: M.List linked down below! | My very first reaction!!! :D I hope you all enjoy <3

Tag List: @distrikt9​ @hanniiesuckle17 @smolboiseavey (Let me know if you’d like to be added!)

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫

✧ Bang Chan ⇢ STAY Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Crisp Ringleader

Okay family

As our ENFJ king Chan would totally have a island that revolved around the others 

Sure he’d have his own space too

But he’d def be one to put up lots of fun camping space and interactive inventions

A cute little barbecue grill on the beach with a wooden table and log benches 🥺🥺 and a picnic area too

I feel like he’d also go out of his way to breed black roses but that may just be me 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Black and white flowers everywhere, and maybe some red roses too?

He’d also be a generous donator and frequently visit the others to see if anyone needed help with anything

Just stopping by to check in and drop off some hardwood, or iron, maybe even gold 

...That’s a big maybe on the gold cause we all know that stuff ain’t common and if you want Marshal on your island you better have some handy

In addition to this, I think that the generosity would only go so far and he’d be quite the tease too

Running around left and right ratting the others out during pranks and “borrowing” things from the others

“where’d my recipe for gold armor go???”

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ “idk bro I think I saw Minho running off with it?”

For villagers, he’d have a plethora of the animal kingdom on his island

Anyone is welcome

You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit 🥴

He’d def have mentions of Stay on his island too

And the guys, his squad

A Stay flag and Stray Kids written in the sand somewhere

Maybe vice versa

His character would likely be of similar resemblance but I can totally see him playing with the fun hair colors and face paint 

His wardrobe would consist of similar attire too: black, white, caps, hoodies, and chains 

Y’all AC fans know that one punk outfit with the chains across the bodice? He’d own that

His home is a toss up: on one hand it could be very chill and cozy, but on another I’m seeing workout gear in one corner and iron tables and a TV and radio going, maybe (definitely) a music studio setup (similar to Weber’s home but more hardcore LMAO)

All in all, I think Chan would be a chill/causal player that would be happy to help his friends and community while also playing hard ball once in a while just to mess with everyone 😂♥️

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Lee Minho ⇢ Soodori Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Total Genius

Soodori is a combination of Minho’s cats

Your boy Minho couldn’t resist the ingenious idea

He’d pondered for the longest time which of his precious babies was going to be awarded the title of his island; an impossible decision

Then along comes our creative leader, “why don’t you just use all three?”

‼️‼️‼️

Genius!1!1!!1!1 😩✨

On Soodori, you bet all the villagers are cats; if you don’t have pointy ears and a swishing tail, Access Denied 🙅🏻‍♀️

This means you, Han 

Villagers included would consist of Raymond, who may or may not be an island celebrity

And let’s not forget Queen Ankha

But to Minho, all his cat citizens are equally loved and cherished as a valid part of the community

His whole aesthetic would be cats too

That includes a cat cafe

His flag would probably be a paw print 🐾 or his cat’s names, maybe a cute scribbling of their faces

And if you disrespected that, there’d be blood to pay

I can see his character closely resembling him as well, with a little paw print on his cheek? Maybe some whiskers? 

He’d thoroughly enjoy visiting the others islands “if he absolutely had to”

Swipe some goods

And bundle them up to go on the plane out ✈️

For the most part, I see him being more of a hermit on his island that only heads out On Demand

Even then, it’s kind of a toss up: good luck getting him to leave his children behind 

If you’re nice to him, he MIGHT let you come and view the splendor...m a y b e

But you better not touch or take anything 🗿🔥

Shoot, when it came to special visitors, like Redd or K.K., he’d probably try chasing them off

Put those tools to use

There’s more than one way to skin a cat

(Don’t tell him I said that tho 👀💧)

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Seo Changbin ⇢ DARK Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Music-Loving Loner

Dark, dark, dark

We all done knew, didn’t we?

Changbin is the KING of darkness

So it goes without saying that his whole island would radiate the stuff, too

It may seem depressing and a little emo at first, but eventually the concept comes off being pretty cool

...In an angsty, Evanescence sort of way

He’d probably be very lost on how to play at first...at first

He’s got Felix and Chan to help him tho, so he’d be breeding black flowers before you know it

Maybe a little gray and navy blue tones to break up the solidarity somewhere

I’m seeing a kind of night sky aesthetic, maybe some astrology furniture???

Look out, Celeste

She’s gonna be running to Big Brother Blathers saying some scary short guy is following her around the woods

Poor Binnie just wants a Starry Sky wall...until he sees how bright it actually is

Then it’s 💯 a fat pass

Binnie would kindly welcome all sorts of villagers while being minorly selective

After all, we can’t break the darkness with some cheery-idol-wannabe villager, or some Judy the anime bear

I can say with utmost certainty at 95% that his whole wardrobe would be black caps and hoodies

Maybe a plain black tee

Some black pants

And 

White or black sneakers 🥴✨

I think he would be pretty intent on building up his island...in particular, collecting all the artifacts and critters for the museum 

He’d work hard but not go crazy or stress about it and still take lots of time to just chill in his deep dark vibes

Maybe get out once in a while to visit Felix and learn a thing or two

Overall, we see through your front, Bin; you may have a dark vibe but you’re really just a small big softie ☺️

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Hwang Hyunjin ⇢ Kkami Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Soothing Season

Welcome to Kkami Island, which was almost named something else aesthetically cute like Honeycomb or Applepuff

However, like Minho, Hyun simply couldn’t resist a chance to use his precious baby’s name

On Kkami, life is pretty chill: EXCEPT WHEN ITS SERIOUS 🔥

That’s right folks

This boy may have some vibing days and go at his own pace

But don’t be fooled: he plays to win

Plant those money trees

Enter those QR codes

Carve out those pathways

Where is Blathers we have a donation 😤😤

Hyunjin would be a steady-paced worker bee 🐝 

He’d likely be selective of his villagers and go for cute ones

Possibly top to secondary tier

When it came to games and get togethers, you’d likely find him chasing another member with a net or an axe, in most cases Jisung

“qUiT LEaViNG TrASh oN mY iSLaNd!!1!1!1!” 💢

“DROP THAT DIY!1!1!1!!1”

Let’s see

His whole island aesthetic would be cute and peaceful:

Plants, terrariums, soft sunlight...

There’d be so many flowers!!! Hyunjin would have a whole colorful flower field 🥰🌸

White and wooden furniture in and around the home

An adorable tea and snack time plaza too! And a library!!! 📖✨

Very cozy and sweet ♥️

Though, shoot, if he had the energy, this guy may just build himself a palace... 🏰

Regardless, just look for the boy with the staple headband and likely some face paint to boot

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Han Jisung ⇢ Swag HOT Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Trendy Supreme Being 

(Edit: Minho convinced Felix to hack his account and changed this to Untossable Trash)

Ohhh boy

I bet y’all were waiting patiently for this one

Or maybe you jumped right to it

Either way here we go:

Han Jisung would be the king of the trash heap

And by that I mean this guy would save up all his bells and buy himself a crown 👑 where he’d sit atop a throne of garbage

BECAUSE THERE WOULD BE TRASH EVERYWHERE SIS 😩😩

This guy would be yeeting furniture and garbage all over the place

...Okay maybe that was a bit overdramatic 

Maybe not EVERYWHERE...

......

...It’d be pretty messy tho

He’d probs have traps set up too

You step off the plane and get catapulted into the ocean, if that were a thing

You’d have to navigate and hop around discarded junk for sure

He’d have clothes here, a fan there, a...urinal...on the beach???

.........o k a y ._.💧

Han Jisung wouldn’t be all that competitive when it came to gathering every fruit or collecting all the fish

He doesn’t have the patience for that

He needs to run around and be free, letting his mind wander while wrecking havoc for everyone else; which is also Minnie’s job but we’ll get to that later

For villagers, he’d have at least one squirrel or two (Marshal?! :D) but I’m not so sure it’d really matter...all that much?

I’m not sure he’d even want many villagers at all

He’d be spending most of his time crashing other member’s islands and leaving little surprises like a useless DIY they already have or a fake painting he got roped into buying bc he was too lazy to check if it was genuine =_=

Everyone got sick of it pretty quickly but no one like Minho or Hyunjin; he’s permanently banned from those two locations and Jeongin’s considering adding him to the list next

Despite there being so much junk, his house would have an almost decent vibe: lots of instruments and fun gear, along with some random clothes, a lava lamp, and...another urinal 🗿💧

Seriously, someone get this boy a closet and some coaching in organization

Chan and Changbin are working on hiring Minnie but it’s not going too well; for one he charges too much

Maybe you can talk some sense into him...

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Lee Felix ⇢ YEET Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Festive Chum

Okay y’all

Felix

Would be

THE KING

OF ANIMAL CROSSING

THIS BOY WOULD HAVE

ALL THE FRUITS!!! 🍎🍐🍊🍒🍑🥥

ALL THE FLOWERS!!!🌷🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻

I MEAN EVERY COLOR OF EVERY COMBINATION

A COMPLETED MUSEUM 🖼 🐜 🐠

I MEAN BEFORE ART WAS ADDED, HE HAD EVERYTHING RARING TO GO

NINTENDO WAS LIKE “wtf?!”

YEAH SIS, HE’S THAT GOOD

Boy would have a five star island all sorted into perfectly measured categories

An amusement park, a picnic area, a freaking ranch probably 🐮

Some awesome neighborhood for his tier one villagers with a YMCA down the street

A fancy one at that

I mean this boy would have it all

Expect a competitive softie that really just wants to have fun but like

He’s gonna win too lmao

He’s got his Nook Miles program all maxed out

When playing with the others, he comes up with really creative solutions when faced with a crisis

That’s because this smart cookie knows the ins and outs of the game

There was one time where he fenced Jisung in like the creepy Easter bunny and left him for ded oop

That was a bad day for Jisung and a hilarious day for everyone else

He felt bad about it but he also wanted that Subway gift card 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Each day is a new hair color for Felix

Sometimes every few days or a week

He sometimes likes to synchronize it with his current hair color but

Experimenting is also fun

Face paint too! 🌈 He chooses a warpaint print he found on Pinterest, for days when the gang gets together for a game of tag or bug catching contests

Even if he doesn’t win, Felix always makes it into the Top 3

And he has a lot of fun doing so! 😊

He’s just one heck of a gamer is all

And his whole aesthetic shines brighter than the sun T-T ☀️

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Kim Seungmin ⇢ Seungmin’s Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Radiant Boy

Like Felix, Seungmin would be an ace at AC

He wouldn’t get everything right off the bat

But he’d put in a logical tried-and-true effort, and once he got the ropes and found his groove, my oh my

This boy would have it all

Sophistication ✨

Class ✨✨

Flair ✨✨✨

He’s got a plethora of fruit and stylish attire too

And his aesthetic is so simple but chic

He’s got this whole clean and polished vibe

Lots of artwork and creativity

He’s even got traps that look like fancy furniture

Those are mainly for Han Jisung tho

That oughta teach him to quit nosing around and taking his DIYs <_<

One time he tried stealing a few apples for Swag HOT Island

Didn’t go well sis...

He made it to just outside the pier before getting lost in the hedge maze by Cafe Seungmin

After that Seungmin closed him into a corner as punishment and wouldn’t let him out until he dropped the Apple

But Jisung was feeling pretty prideful that day so he ate it instead 🗿💧

Anyway

This guy would def make a character that looks just like him!

Would he try new hair colors and face paint? ...Maybe

It seems like a sorta-Seungmin thing to do

Seungmin would wanna be the best of the best while still staying true to himself, so you’ll likely see tier one and two villagers that he particularly fancies

Fancy you, fancy me 🥳✨💃🏻🎶

He’d also be one to go around admiring the chaos from the background while occasionally becoming the chaos

Kinda like the Cheshire Cat 😅

When challenging the others to an art contest (who could buy the most expensive artifact from Redd without using the internet) he switched some of the other members paintings while they were distracted by a meteor shower

“Look, a shooting star! And another one!”

“Make a wish.”

“How do I do that?!”

“Tilt your camera towards the sky and press A.”

“I’ve got my camera app open and it’s just taking photos???”

“Not you CAMERA camera—“

“Hey! Chan hyung, Minho just stole my star!!!”

“I didn’t see your NAME on it...”

“Don’t fight, you can each have half!”

“That’s not how it works at all...”

...Anyway

It was pretty comical until Changbin had to say something, about the art that is

Then Minnie had to bounce before the angry shovels and nets caught up to him

“Hey!!! Why is my painting on Minho’s side???”

“Why is everyone attacking me???”

“Oh, Hyunjin has my painting...”

“I do not! ...Oh hey I do? Why’d you put it over here?”

“I DIDN’T!”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

...

🛫 🏃🏻‍♀️💨

Poor Minnie just wanted to have some fun amongst the confusion 😔

But

When it gets right down to it, you better believe this boy would be an aesthetic and skillful player ✨

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

✧ Yang Jeongin ⇢ Go Away Island ✧

Passport Title ⇢ Mistakingly Caught Son

Go Away Island means just what the title intends: go away :)

Initially, Jeongin was prepared for what he senior members would do

He knew there would be much anticipation to visit the 막내’s island and drive him crazy

Sometimes, he doesn’t mind it

But others he just wants to be left alone and do his own thing

When he started the game, it was one of those days

So he wanted to make the message clear 😤😤

Also, Don’t Bother Me seemed to be too long 🤷🏻‍♀️

Go Away was straight to the point ;D

Anyhoo

On Go Away, you’ll encounter lots of cute characters 💓

Innie has a very cute and true-to-himself aesthetic

He doesn’t understand much of the mechanics but he’s working on it okay?

And he’s getting better every day!

Okay, so like, sometimes he’ll allow Chan to come over and help

Or Felix or maybe Seungmin if he promises to be genuine and behave

But like

The rest of the members are semi-banned

Hyunjin gets a pass if he whines enough

Or he’ll come up with a crafty excuse to come over

“Innie, look! I got peaches on my island! Don’t you want one? They’re cute like you! 😩❣️”

...He could do without that last embarrassing remark but okay sure

He really did want those peaches for his picnic garden 😔✊🏻

In terms of hair color? We’re on a rotation like Felix

We’re trying lots of hair colors

And a few aesthetic designs, too!

Jeongin is very resourceful when it comes to QR codes, something Felix and Seungmin taught him

He uses them to set flowers and stones pathways everywhere

And an especially prominent one leading to the door 👉🏻🚪 

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ 

↬ Which island will you be visiting? 🌴✨

♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫ -ˋˏ ༻✿༺ ˎˊ- ♪♫

ღ Stray Kids M.List | M.List ღ

[that-good-trash]

Please Don’t Go

Bakugou x reader / Kirishima x reader

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, self harm, angst, heartbreak

Word count: 8.3K

Summary: Sometimes things happen that you wish you could change,fix, but you can’t. Instead you are left suffering with broken pieces and suffering worse than you’ve ever dealt with. The person you wish was helping you keeps hurting you while the person you didn’t know you needed is holding you together.

Comment: I just really like angst since it seems to be the only thing I can write recently. I guess I’m kinda stuck in a sad rut myself. I hope you all enjoy it. 

PS. Also thank you all for 100 followers! I love all of you and you all matter!

*********************************

“It is 3 in THE GOD DAMN MORNING, WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME!”

“Morning Katsu, have you ever thought about the stars and how they always exist but we can only see them at night.”

“…”

“Katsu…”

The sound of a single click could be heard. You stare at your phone for a moment knowing that he had hung up on you. You sigh laying your head back down on your pillow. You knew that you should have told him the real reason you had called but couldn’t find the strength to do so. Your ‘boyfriend’ if you could actually call him wasn’t the type to listen to your nonsense. You didn’t mean to beat around the bush, you wanted to get to the point when it came to conversation. It was hard for you to tell people what was really going on inside your brain. Bakugou Katsuki had a way of letting you know when he was irritated with your run around way of speaking.

You can’t fall asleep because of the thoughts swirling around in your head. You had the pressure of millions of gallons of water on your chest and head. You wondered if this is what a submarine feels as it dives deeper into the darkness of the ocean. Your eyes were still red and hadn’t gotten a chance to fully dry. Crying was something that you tended to do a lot prior to recent events that lead to your current state. Now your tears hurt more than usual. You couldn’t figure out if they hurt because you had been rubbing your eyes frantically or because of the circumstance in which they were there to begin with. A sniffle followed by the sound of your own choked sob breaks the silence of the room. Your crying again, alone. You alone crying holding so much pain and loss.

***********

“Y/n will not be in class today, again.”

My Aizawa gave class 1A the heads up before turning back toward the board to talk about today’s itinerary. The class wouldn’t have had any reason to worry had this been the first absence. However, this was absence number three and you hadn’t answered anyone’s calls or texts. Actually, the only person who has actually claimed to have seen you was their teacher. No one had seen or heard from you in the days you had been missing. Over the weekend you had left the dorms to return to your actual home because of reasons that escaped everyone’s knowledge and you hadn’t returned yet. It was beginning to worry everyone especially those that had grown to fond and close to you. Midoriya was twiddling with his fingers and mumbling words of worry under his breath. Your name had passed through everyone’s lips as they questioned your lack of presence in school.

“Hey Bakugou, what’s going on with Y/n?”

Kaminari, whose voice is lacking its usual cheer, chimes in behind the angry blonde. Bakugou growls in response but doesn’t actually say anything. Kaminari puts his tray of food down on the table next to Kirishima who looks a mix between angry and tired. Before Kaminari had walked up Kirishima had been trying to get information out of Bakugou as well. Bakugou had snapped at the red head that he ‘DIDN’T KNOW SHIT’. Kirishima was having a hard time believing his best friend but at the same time he knew how little Bakugou actually tried to be in your life so it made sense if the agitated boy was telling the truth.

“Dude, for real though, Y/n has missed a lot of school. I hope she’s okay.”

Kaminari was just trying to give his honest feelings but that didn’t sit well with Bakugou who slammed his hands down in frustration. He never got the chance to speak since Mina and Sero had come to the table restating the previous concerns that everyone in class had been having. Bakugou, in a fit of anger, throws his uneaten food away before storming out of the cafeteria.

“What the heck crawled up his ass and died.” Sero looks at Mina who spoke up with her own irritation. She and you were really close. She loved you like you were her own sibling and wanted so badly for you to answer her messages. She was not as understanding as the boys in the squad and found Bakugou’s behavior childish. She sits down with a sigh trying to calm herself down. Sero squeezes her shoulder reassuringly.

**********

While, your concerned classmates continued their school day, you laid on the couch of your empty home. The only thing keeping you from breaking down for the hundredth time was the purring cat curled up against your lap. Your fingers trailed along her fur as the familiar warmth tried to keep you stable. Your mother had told you, before she left to work, that you couldn’t miss any more days of school and tomorrow you would return to the loud energetic halls of UA. Just the idea of going back in this state made you sick to your stomach. You have to swallow down the acid rising out of your throat.

As you lay on the couch your phone chimes again. They are a persistent class but you are spiraling into a hard depression. You already struggle with depression but never made it obvious so people wouldn’t be bothered or feel like they have to ‘help’ you. Now you were gone, in a world different from everyone else. You had wondered if you had the fare if you would find the ferrymen Charon and request, he take you away. You’d rather be whisked away by a mythological Grim then face another day with this horrible pain. You had never felt more alone than you did now. You didn’t care about the messages that came to your cellphone because none of them were from the person you needed it to be from. You let your eyes close and the moment that brought you to these horrid thoughts and feelings beginnings replaying.

**************

“Hey mom I was just about to go watch a movie with some classmates, what’s up.” You hadn’t expected a call from your mother. She usually just texted you. A call meant something serious usually so you were already on edge before her words put you over the edge.

“You need to come home.” Those are never good words unless they come from a parent who just misses her child which definitely wasn’t your mother.

“What? Why?”

“Something has happened, I’d rather tell you in person.”

You had never heard you mother sound so blank and yet had concern laced in her voice. You had grown worried with what could have had happened. You would never had imagined what really did transpire. You had left the dorms with permission from Aizawa seeing as it was already late. You heart was racing as you said goodbye to your friends before leaving. The way home felt longer than usual but you eventually made it home. Your mother and you sat in silence for ages before she told you. No beating around the bush, she was always blunt and straight to the point.

“Your friend from middle school, F/n. She’s dead.”

The words hadn’t even settled into your mind before the tears came rushing out of your eyes. Your own body reacted before you could. This was something you fought mentally. There was no way that she was dead. You couldn’t imagine her gone. This was all wrong and you were waiting for your mother to admit this was some sort of sick joke. It wasn’t a joke and she wasn’t laughing. She looked sad, not for the death but for her daughter. She was feeling sadness for you. You shook your head over and over but she nodded to reassure you this was real life. You had indeed lost your middle school best friend. Your mother went on to hand you a box of tissues before giving you the more gruesome parts of the story.

“Your friend didn’t just die. She killed herself. She had gashes going up her arms from a knife that was found near her bathtub. She had used her quirk to weigh her body under the water and essentially, she drown herself before she could bleed to death. Her mother found her and was announced DOA. I’m sorry Y/n. I realize this is more than you’d like to hear but it is good to help you understand that she was sick. I told you this before that she…”

The words your mother spoke faded away. You couldn’t hear her over the sound of your screams that had begun to come out of your mouth. Your body shook violently and you ran to the bathroom to throw up. The taste of tears and bile lingered on your tongue long after you had stopped vomiting. Your mother brought you water and a towel as you sat on the bathroom floor. You kept picturing your dead friend with blood down her arms and water surrounding her. Had she cried? Did it hurt. Why the hell didn’t she reach out to you. You know you couldn’t say those things because middle school held you both together. You struggled with your physic and social anxiety while she struggled with everything about herself. You both were each other’s rock. You always complimented her and she beat up your bullies. After middle school you had gone to UA and she didn’t make the cut. You cried but she smiled and told you everything would be okay. Now she was dead and you couldn’t breathe. You mother was now on the floor holding you trying to get you to use your lungs which were betraying you. You just kept thinking about her bleeding to death in a hot bath while drowning at the same time. You had always expected to go to her graduation or her wedding one day, not her funeral. What didn’t help this situation was you had no one to talk to about her because she was a loner. You were alone with this pain even though you knew you had people you could seek comfort from. You didn’t feel like you deserved comfort while your former best friend was lying in a cold box at the hospital. You eventually had fallen asleep on the floor and your mother attempted to carry you to your bed. You woke up to the feeling of all the emotions hitting you all at once. As another panic attack came you reached for your phone hoping that your boyfriend had messaged asking if you were okay. He hadn’t. He hadn’t messaged at all. You called despite the time being close to two in the morning. After six rings he answered.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, I’M TRYING TO SLEEP. WHATEVER IT IS CAN FUCKING WAIT.”

You didn’t even get the chance to respond before he hung up leaving you in a worse broken lonely state. This news, this night had begun your spiral that lead to your current state of barely existing on your couch waiting for any form of death to take you.  

***********

“Are you fucking serious!!!” Kirishima was yelling uncharacteristically at his best friend who was now wide eyed at the red heads lashing.

“You really haven’t tried talking to her? What kind of boyfriend, HELL what kind of friend does that? You told me she called you the nights he went home. Why the hell didn’t you let her speak!”

“MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS!”

Bakugou was now pissed, his quirk activating to prove just how upset he is. Kirishima doesn’t flinch when the first blast hits him. He’s already was one step ahead being used to having to use his quirk to defend against his friend’s attacks. He wasn’t going to hit back but found himself grabbing Bakugou’s wrist and throwing his arm down telling him to stop. Bakugou doesn’t like that and goes to attack once more but doesn’t get a chance before Kirishima’s fist makes contact with his face sending him backward with scrapes against his cheek due to the first having been hardened.

“You’re a lot of things Bakugou but I didn’t know you were so fucking heartless man. Y/n needs someone and you have chosen to ignore her. It doesn’t matter if she called you at ungodly times, she deserves your attention and respect.”

Bakugou is left with Kirishima’s words and disappointed look. Kirishima isn’t going to stand around. He had gotten your address from Mina who begged him to let her know how you were doing. She was too afraid to see you in case you were avoiding everyone on purpose. Kirishima was going to see you no matter what because that is the manly hero thing to do, hell that’s just the right thing to do.

***********

Your front door had never looked so menacing till Kirishima felt like he was intruding and felt panicked that he might have crossed a line. He had to shake the thoughts away, he couldn’t run away now. He was already here and he needed to make sure you were okay. A deep breath in and a knock on the door. He waited before knocking again. You opened your eyes and for a moment you thought that maybe Bakugou came over. Only a few select people knew your address and you knew it wasn’t going to be Mina or Midoriya since they had texting you telling you they’d give you space and not come by without your permission. That left one option. You threw open the door with tears already clouding your vision. It wasn’t what you expected or wanted; it was what you needed. Kirishima couldn’t even speak when he looked at you. His chest tightened and he wanted to cry. Your face had gotten thinner and you had bags under your eyes that were darker than Mr. Aizawa’s. Your hair was messy and your clothing was obviously pajamas. Your eyes were blood shot and he could see scratch marks all over your arms from your panic attacks. Kirishima wanted to do and say so many things in the moment but instead he did the one thing he thought you needed. He opened his arms and gave you a look of comfort. A sob escapes your lips as you run into Kirishima’s arms. You clung to him like he was the only thing keeping you from falling into the darkness, and maybe he was. Your tears soaked his shirt but he didn’t scold you like Bakugou would have. Bakugou was weak to tears he hated them, while Kirishima wasn’t weak to them, he was standing here crying with you. He was sharing your sadness when he didn’t even know why you were sad. His arms held you tightly afraid that if he lets go your collapse. He waits till you’re ready to pull away. Eventually the tears run dry and you’re just standing there engulfed in Kirishima’s warmth. His body feels safe and you are thankful for his presence. You shuffle backward slightly causing his hold to loosen to let you move away.

“Would you like to come inside?”

You would have started with asking him why he was here but that was a stupid question. Anyone would be worried if their friend was MIA for almost five days. Kirishima smiles and your heart beats. You almost forgot that you had one of those. You walk inside and Kirishima shyly follows after you. He looks around the living room while standing in your doorway. It seems cold but he can’t decipher if that’s due to actual temperature or because he can tell this is where you’ve spent a lot of your time crying. Tissues and a garbage can sit next to the couch which has two large blankets thrown over the side of it. There is a golden-brown furred cat stretching out before curling back into the abandoned warm spot left by you.

“Shoes.”

“What?”

Kirishima had been so focused on assessing his surroundings he hadn’t caught the first half of your words.

“You gotta take off your shoes.”

Duh, shoes. Kirishima wasn’t ill-mannered but in a situation where he is in an unfamiliar place with someone, he is very worried about he forgets the simplest things like removing your shoes. Once his shoes are off and guest slippers on his feet, he makes his way over to your side. You’ve now sat down on the couch pulling a large blanket over your shoulders while your fingers brush along the content looking cats’ fur. Kirishima doesn’t want to intrude so he chooses to stand, he waits for the right moment to ask why you are in such a state of disarray. He doesn’t want to be the one that speaks first. The silence is very heartbreaking since he knew that you, even when shy, were very charismatic. You always shined when you spoke about things you cared about. You also had a hidden spit fire personality that he was lucky enough to have witnessed a few times.

While waiting for you to speak he realizes that your head has dropped down more and he can hear the slightest hiccupping coming from you. He doesn’t hesitate to sit down and wrap an arm around your blanketed shoulder. He pulls you closer to himself letting your head hit his chest while his hand moves comforting circling into your arm. The blanket is thick but it doesn’t completely prevent you from feeling the gesture. You are torn between enjoying this and crying even harder. He is so patient with you and that makes your crying worsen since this wasn’t who you wanted to see which made you regret wanting Bakugou. Kirishima was always a good guy but now you had him holding you while you sobbed. Now he was the ultimate good guy, someone who has reached the highest level, a god tier of good.

“Kirishima, why are you here?”

You had originally avoided asking the stupid question but you had to. You had to know why Kirishima was wasting his time on you, even if he would tell you that you weren’t. Your words had come out broken because of your crying.

“Y/n, are you serious? I’m here because you need someone. You have missed class for three days causing everyone to go into a worried frenzy. I couldn’t take leaving you alone when I know that you are the kind to separate yourself from everyone to suffer alone. I’m here for you, to be here for whatever reason you need.”

You had begun crying worse because of Kirishima’s words. His eyes widen before he begins to internally panicking. He pulls away from you before gripping your shoulders and looking into your tear-filled eyes.

“Y/n did I say something wrong. I just don’t want you to be in pain because of me. I’d never come here with the intention of causing you more issues.”

You didn’t mean for it to happen but a laugh escapes your lips. You can’t help your sobs turning into giggles because Kirishima truly looked like he had hurt you. He looks even more concerned. You have to shake your head to try and prevent him from beating himself over your newfound insanity.

“No Kiri, you didn’t say anything wrong. You actually said what I needed to hear. I need someone with me right now but I also wanted to suffer alone. I caused myself more pain and anxiety by forcing myself to choose between isolation and comfort. You went ahead and made that decision for me. I’m crying because of your kindness and laughing because you honestly think you had done something wrong when you have never done anything bad to me. If anything, I noticed that whenever I need someone or something you are there to help or comfort me.”

Kirishima was relieved to hear that he hadn’t done anything to upset you. He would have kicked his own ass for hurting you since that was unmanly. Your laughter had made him confused but your explanation cleared it up. He now didn’t look confused but instead had a slight smile. He wasn’t happy but content. It was nice to be something you needed. A deep inner part of himself cursed Bakugou for not being here for you. However, another deep part of him was glad that it was him instead that was here with you. He knew how Bakugou was with emotions and tears, he didn’t do well with them. You were better off with Kirishima. This was a thought you both had shared without letting the other know.

While Kirishima is lost in thought about how to ask you what’s been troubling you, your body shifts on the couch getting more comfortable against him. He blushes slightly but let’s that fade because this is no time for unrequited love or crushes. This was about the pain you were suffering through. Your eyes close as a tiny yawn can be heard. You are once again exhausted and since you hadn’t felt comfortable enough to sleep earlier you hadn’t gotten any rest. Kirishima brought a feeling of safety and warmth you hadn’t felt since even before the horrid news. While your breathing began to steady you fell asleep. Kirishima gently moved his arm around your back to hold you closer to his chest. His hand behind your back began to rub gentle circles into your side. His other hand reached up and stroked your hair. The left side of your hair had a more course feeling to it and he knew why.

He had heard the story of how Bakugou had been calm enough holding you against him while stroking your hair. Though some classmates had come back to early and witnessed Bakugou being kind. They teased him not knowing the consequence you’d suffer. Bakugou had ignited his quirk without pulling his hand away which caused your hair to burn and the side of your face to erupt into hot excruciating pain. You had cried but also tried to tell Bakugou it was okay and not his fault which was stupid. He of course loudly agreed because it wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so close to him. The pain of his words was almost worse than the physical pain you had felt. You had to be rushed to recovery girl who was able to treat the burns to a certain extent. You had to shave the side of your hair to help keep the burn covered in ointment. You knew that despite his words Bakugou felt bed because every time he looked at you when he didn’t know you knew; he’d have a sad face full of regret. You’d remind him that it was okay and that you liked your hair shaved. He’d just tsk like he always did but you knew it meant something to know you didn’t blame or fear him.

Even knowing that his best friend hadn’t meant to hurt you he couldn’t help but hate him for it. Why couldn’t he just see you for the great wonder that you were. He could imagine your smile when he closed his eyes, his hand still rubbing your side. Your smile that glistened like stars, that laugh that would usual follow was interstellar. You were a celestial child too good for this world and mostly too good for Bakugou. You were suffering alone while the blonde wallowed in self-pity. Kirishima still had no idea what had happened to you but he was here no matter what it was. If you asked him to leave, he would because he cared about what you wanted. He was here for you and yet he still felt selfish. How could he pretend to know what you were going through? Except he wasn’t pretending, your exhausted demeaner and tear stained face gave away something bad had happened. He didn’t need to know why he just needed to hold you till you slept away the dark circles, till your eyes were no longer bloodshot but gleamed their gorgeous color.

“Katsuki.” The words were spoken in such a small broken voice with the slightest hint of hope. Maybe you wanted him to be someone else and maybe he would be just for you. Though Kirishima wouldn’t be him, anyone but the boy who chose training over his girlfriend. He held you tightly while using his free hand to catch a few of his own tears.

“I got you Y/n. I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

****************

“Kirishima…Kiri…Eijiro.” Kirishima smiled in his sleep, you were calling his name and he thought it was in his dream. A huge smile spread across his face while he rested. You were awake now, fully awake. When your eyes first opened you swore you were dreaming because Kirishima was holding you against himself while sleeping. You almost panicked when you realized you were awake and this was your actual classmate. You tried to pull away but his grip tightened. His hot breath against your face made you embarrassed, made your already warm body hotter.

“Y/n.” Feeling your name spoken against your ear drove you out of his grasp and onto the floor with a loud thud. The sound of you hitting the floor caught his attention, waking him up. You looked up from your spot on the ground and he looked down at you confused. Your face was red and your eyes avoid contact. A quick realization and Kirishima’s cheeks matched your own. He was quick to sit up off the couch, hands reaching down to help you up. You both looked away as you were pulled back into a standing position. You could feel your heart pounding and his hand was a little wet from sweat. He was still holding your hand. That changed when you both heard someone clear their throat. Your mom was standing in the doorway, she was obviously confused by the stranger in her living room. You pulled your hand away and looked down. Your mom wasn’t mean or judgmental, she was realistic and blunt. You expected her to comment about seeming fine or asking about your boyfriend. She remained quiet before switched shoes. She walked toward the two of you. Kirishima held out his hand after bowing in respect. “It’s nice to meet you Ms. L/n, I’m a classmate of your daughters, Eijiro Kirishima.”

“Y/n.” She shook Kirishima’s hand before looking at you. Your body was stiff. You had drifted into a painless sleep, actually got some rest, hadn’t thought about HER. Till now, you were almost numb and could breathe but looking at your mom you remembered the pain that had plagued you. Your chest was tight and you wanted the floor to swallow you up. Kirishima wasn’t dense, he felt the shift in the room. You were in excruciating mental pain when he came by earlier and now you were reverting back to that. His hand reached out grabbing yours again. Your mother looked between you both before directly at you.

“I spoke to F/n’s mom. They are having a service and I think it would be good for you to go.” Kirishima had no idea who she was talking about but the way your body stiffened before shaking this was a sensitive topic. What happened that made you like this? Your mother left you in the confused hands of the red head, who wished he had more to work with.

“Y/n… What happened.” You collapsed so fast that Kirishima almost couldn’t catch you. He was fast but not fast enough as your legs buckled and your whole top half crumbled onto the ground. Your face was red enough to match his eyes and your eyes were red enough to match his hair. You looked like a fish out of water gasping for hair while trying to find a way out of this. Desperation crossed your features. Anything was better than this pain, this loss. Your hiccupping drove Kirishima to his knees. His hands turned you gently till you were on your back. The sounds of your choked sobs, the way tears drift down your cheeks and into your splayed-out hair, the sporadic moment of your chest, it was all harrowing to witness. How could someone who always kept a smile on everyone’s face be so broken. He found himself crying with you, for you. His own tears falling onto your face before mixing in with your own and slipping down. You couldn’t stop crying even if you wanted too. You tried to speak but lacked oxygen enough to do so. Kirishima pulled your body upward holding you against him. Your chest pressed against his as he rubbed your back. He felt the wet pools against his shirt. He didn’t care that you cried on him. You hiccupped out an apology but it wasn’t necessary. You both stayed like this even as the sky outside darkened. Even when your mother yelled about dinner being ready. You still remained in Kirishima’s safe hold. He had his own dried tears and his hands never stopped soothing you. Eventually your words could slip out.

“My childhood friend committed suicide.” Kirishima stiffened. You spoke the words with so little emotion. Like you had cried away your sadness and was left numb again. He pulled you away so he could look into your bloodshot eyes. There were distant, like you were physically here but mental gone. You looked into his own bloodshot ones. He held all the sadness that you thought you lost. He held your pain for you and he had no idea what you were dealing with, he was truly empathetic. “She hurt herself and then she… she… she used her quirk to drown herself.”

The details didn’t matter because a dead girl was still a dead girl. Hell, a dead anyone was still someone who was dead and that itself was sad. The circumstances were cruel. It was like saying someone died fighting an awful fight, except they had fought themselves. A truly cruel disease depression is. Kirishima didn’t know what it felt like to want to die but he would never think less of someone who did. How could the world have such a negative sigma toward depression, maybe if it was normal then your friend would still be here. He blamed a cruel society and you blamed yourself. He realized looking at you that you felt responsible and for a moment he wished he could have told you how people are responsible for their own decisions but that wasn’t his place to comment. This wasn’t about him it was about your crumbling state of mind and your dead friend. You needed support and to hurt. This was necessary to heal.

“Tell me about her.” Your own mother wanted you to get over the pain like it hadn’t happened but here someone was, someone who owed you nothing, validating your loss wanting to know about your lonely friend. You smiled and yet the tears came back. You cried like a child who needed affection. You cried for your friend and her story. You were ready to tell him about her and you did. You spoke through sobs and Kirishima was patient. He listened to every painful part and every happy moment. He laughed at your inside jokes and cried at the painful abuse self-inflicted and household. Your friend was becoming a part of Kirishima’s thoughts as he filled it with your memories. He couldn’t believe that you were suffering alone with all this. Your own boyfriend not caring to listen or even check up on you.

“She sounds like a wonderful person and I’m so sorry that she is gone. I’m sorry that she left the way she did and I am sorry that you believe you contributed to this. Y/n, I know it won’t change anything but you didn’t do this. You can’t blame yourself or think about all the things that could have been done. Right now, you can only mourn and remember her for who she was and not who you could have made her. I didn’t know her but I know you and I don’t want to lose you because you waste away from guilt. Go to the service and say goodbye because she deserves that, but also live your life for her.” If words could truly heal people than Kirishima would have mended all these mental wounds for you. You would have smiled and thanked him but that isn’t how the real world worked. Pain, grief, any feeling between doesn’t go away with a few strong words but it does help. His words make everything more real; they make your feelings valid but also through you into a position where you have to face the truth. He isn’t wrong, you have to let blame dissipate. The thing with grieving was it takes time to help, to let go. You weren’t even half way there but you felt better knowing someone was in your court, someone hurt with you but also helped you hurt in the right way. Isolation is painful but being with him was restoration. You felt more like you now than you did hours ago.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” The way you looked at Kirishima with shy eyes made him smile. “I’d love to.”

The two of you collected a plate of food and sat quietly at the table, Eventually Kirishima couldn’t take the quiet and started telling you about school. You weren’t opposed to the conversation especially since all you had to do was listen. He talked about things that had happened in class avoiding talking about Bakugou and how everyone was sick with worry. You laughed at a story he told about Kaminari and Mineta getting chased down by a flock of girls they spied on. You laugh was genuine, like a gentle chiming of bells. Kirishima wanted to hear more but wouldn’t force anything to soon. A knock at the door brought attention away from the meal and conversation and to the living room. Your mother wasn’t expecting guests nor were you. Fear bubbled up again. Who could it be now? Kirishima was a blessing but another classmate might upset the balance. Kirishima shared your worry as he followed you to the door. Opening it you were both shocked to find your homeroom teacher. Mr. Aizawa looked unamused as he watched Kirishima try to move out of sight. His hand thrusted out pushing the door all the way open. Kirishima looked at him with a half grin hoping he wasn’t in to much trouble. You giggled at the red heads guilty demeanor. Your attention returned to your teacher as he looked at you. The two of you shared a look. His face wasn’t hard and stoic like usual. It held a twinge of sorrow.

“I am here to receive Kirishima seeing as he left without permission and stayed out past curfew. I’m also here to give you my condolences. L/n, I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a friend is hard.” You had cried for days straight and for the first time today you didn’t cry. You nodded accepting his condolences and understand that as an adult pro hero he has dealt with a lot of loss. You thanked him in a small voice which he acknowledged with his own nod. Kirishima didn’t want to leave you, he needed to know you’d be okay. That feeling came in the form of you hugging him.

“Thank you Kirishima. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” The smile you gave him matched the star above and he would remember it. Your still red eyes and stained cheeks were brokenly beautiful under the moonlight the slipped in through the open door. Kirishima bid you good night before you shut the door. You were exhausted and wanted to sleep. Maybe this night would be peaceful, you could only hope. With less pain in your chest you put away the food, turned off the lights, and headed to bed.

Elsewhere, heading back to the dorms Kirishima kept thinking about you. Aizawa stood next to him as the walked back to the large building. Kirishima turned to his teacher finally curious on how he knew that he had been at your house.

“Mr. Aizawa. How did you know that I was at Y/n’s?”

“Bakugou told me.” When the doors opened to the common room of the dorm building Kirishima made direct eye contact with a conflicted Bakugou. He looked furious and concerned. His fist clenched with intent to harm, or maybe to prevent himself from wanting to do so. Mr. Aizawa left the two boys alone reminding them they needed to go to bed. Bakugou never acknowledged their teacher, while Kirishima let out a quick yeah. Once they were alone Bakugou stepped forward. Kirishima watched his friend with caution. He waited for an explosion or yelling that never came. Instead he sighed, unclenching his fist. He looked at Kirishima with a look the red head had never seen before, remorse.

“How is she?” Kirishima could feel the tables turn. He wanted to be anger, to tell his friend to fuck off because he had the chance to find out but didn’t. He wanted to be aggressive and anger but it wasn’t in his blood. He had to let that anger disappear and be replaced with weariness.

“How is she? She’s tired bro. She’s dealing with stuff that someone shouldn’t have to deal with alone and yet she has been. She’s a fucking wreck!” He couldn’t suppress all the anger. He hadn’t meant to yell but it was needed. He couldn’t understand why Bakugou had just let you waste away on your own. How could anyone do that to the person they loved. He would have never let you go this long suffering alone. “She lost someone close to her. Y/n’s leaving a nightmare, becoming friends with demons of blame. She needed you!”

“She didn’t need me.” Kirishima slammed his hardened fist into the wall not caring about the damage he caused. The sound made Bakugou flinch and lift his hand as an act of defense in case he would get hit next. When he looked at his friend, Bakugou expected to see extreme detestation. Instead he was wide eyed while staring at Kirishima crying. Tears came down the mixed emotion boy, he was struggling with how to feel. He was crying for you having to have a boyfriend who thought you didn’t need him. He cried because he would never let you go if he had you. Bakugou watched Kirishima drop his arms to his sides before leaving. He pushed his shoulder into Bakugou’s as he left toward the elevator.

“She needed you… You are just so full of yourself you won’t admit you messed up.” Kirishima didn’t even try to make his words sound powerful, even in their whispered state they hit Bakugou worse than any punch. Once he was alone in the dark room Bakugou let a tear fall. He looked down at his clenched fist. He felt pathetic. He couldn’t hate Kirishima because he was right. Pride was all that Bakugou had and he held it higher than you. He cared more about his image, about himself than you. Time and time again he hurt you and now he had truly fucked up.

“She didn’t need me when she had you. You’re better than me.” Bakugou spoke to the empty room letting more tears fall before going up to his own room. He didn’t spare Kirishima’s room a glance as he walked by. His heart hurt because he had to do something horrible to you in your already crumbling state.

******************

The morning came and you woke up with your alarm. For the first time in days you slept the whole night. You dreamt of her but it was good. You were both happy and laughing and that was okay. It was okay to think about happy times and not bad things. Negative feelings still lingered but you tried to think positively. You got ready for school and before you left you grabbed a photo of you and F/n from middle school. She was flipping off the camera while you laughed with your eyes closed. It was bittersweet. The photo was tucked away into your pocket and you left.

“Y/N!!!!” You were tackled by so many different people that you couldn’t even figure out exactly who yelled your name. Mina was holding you left side, Kaminari on your right. Midoriya was standing in front of you concerned as Uraraka hugged your front. Sero was wrapped around your back. Iida was scolding them for not giving you space. A laugh escaped and everyone awed. You were bombarded by questions; it was overwhelming and you wanted to run but then Kirishima walked into the room. He made eye contact with you and smiled. It filled you with content and confidence to be here. You heart was still heavy and everything seemed surreal but you could make it through a day. You could tell her story to everyone so more people could mourn with you. It was a plan you’d follow through after class. Bakugou walked in a saw you smiling at Momo who commented on your swollen eyes. Your smile wasn’t sad, it was something he couldn’t figure out. He looked away as you turned toward him. His hair was wild, more so than usual. His hands tucked away into his pockets. He seemed like normal Bakugou but something was wrong. He wasn’t standing as tall, metaphorically. There was less fight in him. You grew concerned but that faded to wanting. You missed him, you truly missed him. His warm arms wrapped around you protectively, the way he smelled sweet like caramel. You wanted him to look at you with the loving gaze he saved for private moments. He found himself making eye contact with you and god did he yearn to run to you. To apologize, to hold you and kiss your swollen eyes. You were his happiness; it just took him so long to realize how bad he was for you. His eyes looked away and you looked down. A large gap filled with talkative students filled the space between you both. Except there was a different gap, one that needed to be filled by talking which he was scared to do. One that only you two could see, well maybe not, maybe Kirishima could too.

*******************

“Bakugou!” He cringed at the sound of his last name which was ironic since he was the one that told you to call him it when in public. This was self-sabotage, torture he was inflicting on himself. Your voice called his name with concern. He had been avoiding you all day and after training he left first making sure you couldn’t catch up. Obviously, he was wrong. You caught up and when he stopped you were breathing heavily. He wanted to scream at himself for being such an asshole but instead he waited for you to speak.

“Um I’m sorry for bothering you with my calls. I was having a hard time but I shouldn’t have woken you up. It was selfish of me.” How could you stand there and blame yourself, apologize for something that needed no apology? He did this to you, made you feel like you were a bother, like you had wronged him. He was to blame, he wished you would yell at him, that you would cry. He hated your tears because he was weak emotionally but right now, he wanted nothing more than for you to cry and he could hold you. Except he wouldn’t he would be scared and that would turn to anger and you’d be hurt again. “Bakugou?”

“Shut up.” He had to break your heart so you could be happy. He had to hurt you so someone could heal you. Shattering glass was easy but shattering a person’s heart. That was truly fucked up. “You always apologize for shit that you didn’t do, its annoying. I know you lost some friend; I know you’ve been suffering and yet I didn’t do anything about it. I wasn’t there for you. You needed me and the fucked-up part was that I didn’t care. I left you to suffer alone, I only realized I cared when I felt guilty, after everyone shamed me for hurting you, for letting you isolate yourself. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this to you anymore.”

You are frozen in a moment where your friend killed herself and your boyfriend leaves you. A moment where you broken heart turns to ash. You can taste iron and realize you had bit your lip so hard it started bleeding. The weight of his words pushed down like a pallet of bricks. You were struggling to stay standing, your knees wobbled as you attempted to step forward, to reach for him. He moved just out of your reach. You were afraid of him leaving and he was afraid if you grabbed him, he would stay and do more damage. His own fire that burned in his heart felt dim. His chest was tight and he apologized to anyone he ever made fun of for having their heartbroken. This was worse than damage received during training. You tried to speak but found the same issue you had with Kirishima the day prior. The words were drowned out by hiccups. You let the streams of tears flush down your cheeks. You looked pathetic but who cared. Your heart wasn’t breaking. It was ceasing to exist.

“Please, please don’t leave me. Don’t do this Katsuki, you love me, I love you. I’ll try harder, you aren’t a problem. You don’t hurt me. I love you please don’t leave me alone again.” He could have swept you into his arms but by the time he turned to face you again someone else was on their way to do just that. Bakugou smiled sadly as Kirishima rushed forward. He didn’t want to let you go but he needed you to be loved properly and he didn’t deserve you. Little did he know what he was doing. He was destroying your already fragile state. You weren’t breaking, you were already fragments scattered at his feet. Your legs moved trying to stop him from walking away. Kirishima was faster. He wrapped an arm around you face covering your eyes with his hand. His other arms wrapped protectively around your middle. Your back was flush against his chest and you didn’t want this. You cried against the hand. Your tears smearing onto the rough appendage. Kirishima’s heart broken for you. “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE, don’t leave me too.”

“You aren’t alone. You have him.” Bakugou walked away his own tears hidden from you but Kirishima had seen them. Kirishima swore he would protect you and love you but his own heart stopped when you yelled after Bakugou.

“I WANT YOU NOT HIM!” A sad shameful thing love is. These two boys loved you and you loved them. It was much more complicated than that. You fell back against Kirishima who was stiff, his own heart hurting. He knew that this wasn’t about his love for you but instead the pain you felt. You needed someone to catch you since you were falling. He held tightly onto you as Bakugou fought the urge to take it all back. He had heard his classmates talk about your friend and how sad you were when you told them about her. You were dealing with enough and you didn’t need him. Maybe one day if life isn’t always cruel you will find love in the form of an angry blonde again but right now you needed someone else. Someone who could put emotions away to help you with your own. Bakugou walked out of your life leaving a gap that Kirishima couldn’t fill. Your friend had left you forever but this didn’t have to be forever right? Bakugou would still be in your life. Maybe that wasn’t a good thing. You wanted to disappear. To go back to that dream where you laughed and danced with your friend. You wanted to go somewhere that boys didn’t break your heart and friends didn’t kill themselves. That place didn’t exist but you found that Kirishima’s hold would have to do for now. You clung to his arm as he whispered encouragement and apologies into your ear. His hand moved off your eyes and you grabbed it. Your fingers entangled with his as you both cried for life’s difficult decisions, for a girl who thought life was to hard to live, for a boy who destroyed his own happiness, for a red haired boy who wanted you to know how much he loved you, and you both cried for you. For you having no happy ending, just a lot of pieces that Kirishima was trying so hard to hold onto for you while other pieces broke away never to be reattached.

Sometimes life doesn’t go perfectly, sometimes people dies and they don’t come back, people break your heart and leave you with open wounds, sometimes you can’t make the pain go away. You have to learn to live with it. Maybe one day you’ll find Bakugou and he’ll tell you how much he fucked up and you’ll tell him you still love him. Or maybe one day you’ll let Kirishima give you his heart and you’ll slowly give him what’s left of yours. Though there is a possibility that you never fall for anyone again because love sucked and you had none left to give. Your friend would tell you to kick Bakugou’s ass, to get ice cream, watch a movie, break something and then you’d laugh because you’d feel better. She isn’t here. Instead it’s you sobbing into Kirishima’s arm in an empty hallway but it won’t always be this.

“I love you Y/n.”

“I know Kiri.”

“One day it won’t hurt so bad.”

“I hope so.”

[midnight-strays]

Omggg what about sister Headcanons for them like older or a smaller sister.(You can pick any character)

//So many of these precious characters need the guidance of an older sister, so let’s do older sister headcanons! I could so do this for like, majority of the characters. As an older sister myself, all I wanna do is help these poor souls XD I may have gotten a little carried away here.

Atsushi Nakajima

As the older sister of Atsushi, it would be easy to compare your life to taking a burning stroll through hell. It wasn’t easy, having to watch on as your little brother is beaten for reasons he didn’t know or understand. You barely understood yourself, but you did try to take care of him to the best of your ability.

After leaving the orphanage, the two of you wandered together for a bit before eventually, Atsushi took it upon himself to keep you safe from the ‘tiger’ following him and left you. You looked up and down for him but to no avail, he was always on the run and because he was always running, there was no telling how far he would get in a day, what turn he would have made and if he was even alive anymore.

You had a better grasp as to what was wrong with him now, understood he was an ability user- you had heard of them during your time on the streets but wasn’t sure how to explain it to him, so you kept it to yourself for now. You’ve regretted that decision every day since because maybe, just maybe, your baby brother wouldn’t have run off the way he did.

You just thought for sure that while together, you had done enough for him to feel safe with you. You gathered as much food as you could- though it wasn’t much- you were more willing to steal than he was, kept him as warm as you could, told him stories you’d made up in your head to help him sleep and even stayed up at night to ease his mind about the tiger returning, despite you knowing that it was in fact him that was the tiger.

It was months after he ran off that you met again. Atsushi was on a job, nothing serious, and you were running down the street, still in ragged clothes and holding a loaf of bread close to your chest. You weren’t looking where you were going for a spit second, looking back to see if you were still being chased, only to run right into the boy, knocking him to the ground and making you drop the bread.

The both of you immediately sprung into apologising to each other, helping each other up before finally making eye contact. As much as I’d like to say you threw yourself at him and the two of you hugged in the middle of the street, the guy chasing you caught up and pulled you back by the collar of your shirt, yelling at you about stealing form him and how he was going to report you to the police and everything.

Atsushi almost threw himself at the man but quickly put two and two together when he saw the bread on the ground. Taking responsible action, he calmed the man down and paid for the bread to get you out of trouble and once everything was taken care of, he took you by the hand and brought you elsewhere, where you finally held on tight to each other, quietly weeping to each other about how much you’d missed each other.

From there, he takes you back to his apartment so you can get cleaned up and things go from there.

Being his older sister means lecturing him whenever he doesn’t take care of himself properly because he doesn’t exactly know how to or because he’s been too stressed out or distracted to do so. It means being scared for his safety often because he’s constantly dealing not only with the mafia but other dangerous people who could hurt him. It’s being so proud of the new skills he’s developing, the control he has over his ability and him finally finding people he can trust aside from yourself. It also means putting up with Osamu Dazai on the Daily because ‘Hey, Atsushi has a cute older sister.’

I don’t really think Atsushi would allow his older sister to join the ADA and would maybe insist she get a job in the café downstairs as it would be safer but still close to him. He feels like he should be the one protecting you because of what he does now. He knows he’s capable of taking care of you.

This does not, by any means, mean that you don’t treat him like your baby brother. This is the kind of relationship where you’ll openly be affectionate towards him in front of everyone, lecture him in front of others and so on. Embarrassing older sister anyone? I also see you bringing him lunch whenever he forgets or you’re feeling generous (which makes Dazai swoon and beg you to bring him lunch sometime- before asking you to commit a double suicide with him)

Oh for the record, Atsushi isn’t one to get too grumpy with Dazai, not openly at least, but he does get really fed up with him asking you to commit suicide with him all the time though so he has been seen passively telling Dazai off.

It’s a very loving relationship, the two of you supporting each other in ways you always have in the past, but now with the benefits of being able to eat properly, stay warm and healthy and not need to rely on each other to survive another day of hell, because every day isn’t hell anymore.

Kyoka Izumi

If Kyoka was to have an older sister, she’d be reasonably older, perhaps a stepsister that wasn’t around when their parents died. I imagine she would have been studying abroad or something of the sort, so by the time she arrived to be there for her baby sister, Kyoka was already gone.

This would leave you searching for her for years. Missing posters, private detectives, constantly bothering the police, asking if they had any leads yet and so on.

You would end up broke, exhausted, possibly depressed and unbelievably desperate, so much, that you would take one last chance at reaching out for help. The police had recommended the Armed Detective Agency to you after pestering them repeatedly, but you had been sceptical.

You still were after seeing them. They seemed quite… unorthodox. Not a very professional bunch but then again, they seemed to be focused on making sure the dramatic brunette left you alone.

That was last year and even they didn’t seem to come up with anything, so you slowly began to lose hope.

You didn’t find out that they had found Kyoka until after she had officially joined the Armed Detective Agency and you’d just about choked Dazai out for waiting so long to call you until Fukazawa explained their reasoning to you.

After that, you were a sobbing mess, in the middle of the office, just holding onto your little sister who seemed oh so unsure of how to feel. She had thought for sure that you had forgotten about her, that you’d not even bothered searching for her and continued on with your life. It took her a while, but she too broke down, more so from relief than anything else, as she had someone who actually loved her by her side.

You would be so grateful towards Atsushi for everything he had done for Kyoka, he was the reason she was still alive after all. This was after managing to sit through the explanation of what’s been going on for the last few years.

This being said, it was no big surprise that you, Kyoka and Atsushi started going out places together, having a good time and experiencing the many amazing things in life that they and even you had missed out on over the years.

I totally reckon Kyoka’s big sister would totally take Atsushi in as a lil brother or something thanks to all he’s done for the girl.

Alone time with Kyoka would often involve eating. The both of you are foodies and share a love for crepes. Your time together isn’t just spent eating though. It’s full of kept promises, getting to know each other again, teaching each other new things and rebuilding a bond that was never given a chance to bloom in the past.

Much like she does with the ADA, she looks to you for guidance since she doesn’t know how to live a normal life anymore, but she’s bound to adjust quickly.

You offer to take her away with you, away from the mafia and the ADA, but she insists on staying, leaving you to settle down in town so she can continue to stay with Atsushi and the others, keeping a close eye on her and giving her a place to live so she isn’t crowding Atsushi.

Chuuya Nakahara

Chuuya was a loner from the start, so you’re not his actual sister. Instead, you’re the one who found him on his own and offered him a hand up. Sure, he didn’t exactly trust you at first but over time, the two of you came to rely on each other and eventually formed a sibling bond. If someone asked if you were siblings, the answer was quite simple. Yes.

Even while you were members of Sheep, you, being relatively high rank thanks to Chuuya becoming the leader, the two of you remained closer than anyone else. You could see Chuuya, in a way, liked being relied on, gave him a purpose. You were of course, proud of his strength, but also a little concerned over the dangers that came with the Port Mafia fighting with the Sheep constantly. Of course, you were just as much of a delinquent teenager as anyone else was, but you didn’t want your little brother on the front lines like that.

Honestly, you’re concerned about him most of the time until he joins the Port Mafia. Whether you join or not doesn’t make too much of a difference to your relationship. If you don’t join, Chuuya would insist you receive the Mafia’s protection as a condition to him joining their ranks. If you do join, he insists you stay by his side.

I doubt you’d become an executive unless you’re able to develop quite the amount of skill like Dazai or have an ability that is of great value. You need to be ruthless to be an executive and I don’t quite see Chuuya being okay with you changing so drastically. He’s always been this way, while you’ve been softer, kind, helping those around you when they need it. So, you’d most likely end up a subordinate, but still ranking quite highly.

You’re not allowed around Dazai without Chuuya there and even then, he doesn’t want you around Dazai. Chuuya would rather die than allow Dazai to lay a hand on you. Not only because he sees him as a complete asshole who should kill himself already, but because he understands that Dazai is an incredibly dangerous, deceptive guy who can and will hurt you if he needs to. (Dazai would never hurt you).

You hate it when he uses Corruption. Seeing him or just hearing about him losing control in such a way hurts you deep down because you know that he could easily die after taking a whole lot of lives. You have slapped Dazai for being careless while he was in that form too. If something were to happen to your brother while they were together, and it could have been prevented, you will blame Dazai.

Despite this, you’re both heavily impacted by Dazai’s disappearance, but you step up to help your little brother handle his anger (mostly about his exploded car) and even became his new partner on important missions. Meaning, yes, you became an executive.

Do the two of you drink wine together? Hell, yes you do. It’s how you relax, unwind from all the stress of the mafia. It’s time for you two of open up to each other and reminisce about the past, even if it did suck.

You take care of him to the best of your ability, even if he is stronger than you in so many ways. He won’t say it out loud but you are his rock. He needs you to keep him grounded. If anything were to happen to his big sister, the one he relied on so much to get by, he wouldn’t be able to cope.

Days off are almost always spent together. Treating each other out to lunch, getting drinks, buying new clothes, and just acting like normal people. You’re both very ready to jump into action if need be, whether it’s against criminals, targets or just assholes getting in your way. Chuuya also doesn’t tolerate guys flirting with you. No one is good enough for you. In return, you tend to cockblock him when he meets someone because two can play at that game.

While being Chuuya’s older sister, you don’t always get to see him or act as an older sister to him. Actually, a lot of your time while you can’t be together and you’re not doing your own thing, is spent on Akutagawa and Gin. Having had a rough childhood, somewhat like theirs, you take it upon yourself to try guide them in the right direction and even too over Akutagawa’s training. Needless to say, you were a lot easier on him than Dazai was, but it was too late to make much of an impact on him. Gin, however, was easier, so you kinda have a younger sister now too. Aku is you new lil bro, he just doesn’t know it.

You and Chuuya don’t rely too heavily on each other. Well, you do but you don’t. You need each other, no doubt, but you can cope on your own as long as you know the other is okay. You don’t want Mori finding out about how much you guys need each other because while you’re both completely and utterly loyal to the man, you both are very aware that he is a bad man who can and will manipulate situations to his advantage.

So, just a headcanon of mine- obviously, but I feel like the two of you could share a penthouse apartment of sorts. Absolute comfort considering the money you both make and all that Jazz. You both have your own large rooms, your own bathrooms and all that, but you’re always close. Your rooms aren’t far from each other, you sit across from each other at the dinner table, sit right next to each other when watching tv and occasionally, when one is having a hard time sleeping, you’ll curl up beside each other to help ease you both into sleep, feeling safe in each other’s presence.

[consultingskeletondetective]

Geraskier college roommates au, or ‘Buttercups’

Geraskier prompt fill for @merthurlocked @witchofmorena

Warnings: bad language and fluff. I don’t know anything about american college so if anything’s wrong I’m really sorry

According to the painfully bright light of Jaskier’s phone screen, it was 2am when his roommate stumbled loudly into their dorm room – crashing into everything on the way – and falling so heavily to the floor that it shook Jaskier’s bedframe.

He wasn’t especially surprised. Geralt Rivia, the six-foot slab of muscle that had stomped into his room on the first day of term, wasn’t exactly known for being light-footed. Jaskier had quickly learned that his heavy-handedness and towering presence made up for a distinct lack of words. He didn’t think they’d exchanged more than a few verbal conversations since they’d met. Geralt communicated in expressions more than anything else. Except when he was yelling at Jaskier to shut the fuck up when he got inspired at 6am with an idea for a new melody and started strumming it out on his guitar.

Jaskier groaned as he shoved his tired head back into his threadbare pillow. It was too thin and worn to really be comfortable, but he didn’t have the money to buy a new one. Never would, according to his parents. He could practically hear them scoffing that his study of musical theory would lead him to be nothing more than a poor street artist. The idea was romantic in the comfort of his family home but in the middle of sleepless nights on bad linen it wasn’t so endearing. Jaskier knew he’d never ask them for money, it felt like too much a precursor for their assumption of his future as a failing musician. That, coupled with the fact his roommate seemed to have an aneurism every time he picked up his guitar, hadn’t done heaps for his confidence.

He envied Geralt’s more ordinary interests, really. The brooding loner was majoring in chemistry and training in mixed martial arts, kick-boxing, advanced fencing and probably a million other fighting styles Jaskier couldn’t remember. But he had gone along to a few of his tournaments. Geralt didn’t have too many friends and Jaskier had been bored, and watching Geralt’s rippling muscles as he’d slammed some poor guy into the mat had the twin effects of ensuring Jaskier never crossed him and had awakened a primal desire within him that stirred in his gut for his roommate ever since.

Jaskier would never tell Geralt, but he liked him, he was one of the few who did. Maybe it was something about sharing the intimate parts of their lives in this dorm room, or perhaps it was because Jaskier was a bit of an outsider himself, he didn’t know. But something about knowing, after a hard day, that he was coming back to the familiar presence of Geralt working out or studying, with his long hair haphazardly tied back and worrying a pen between his lips, was comforting.

Except for right now, of course, when he wished the bloody maniac had stayed out all night.

“Geralt.” He groaned, voice muffled by the pillow. “It’s 2 in the fucking morning.”

“M’sorry.” Came the tell-tale drunken slur of any college kid breaking the door down in the middle of the night and lying face first on the floor. “Sorry, Jask…trying to find my bed…”

Jaskier heard him get unsteadily to his feet – wincing when he heard something crash as he did so – and then his bed was creaking and dipping as Geralt’s hulking weight collapsed down next to him.

“You’ve got the wrong one.” He mumbled.

“Mmm.” Geralt hummed comfortably.

Jaskier could feel the heat and weight of another body beside him on his narrow bed. He did his best to ignore it for as long as possible until it became apparent Geralt wasn’t planning on moving.

He turned over and was surprised to find them practically face to face. Geralt was still fully dressed in his customary black jeans, simple tee shirt and leather biker books. His arms were crossed under his head, his cheek resting in the crease of his elbow and his eyes were closed. His long hair was out of its ever-present tie and lying across his face. The urge to brush it out of his eyes was really quite hard to ignore, Jaskier found.

Jaskier swallowed as he stared at Geralt in the gloom of the dark room. It made it easy to convince himself this wasn’t really happening and Geralt wasn’t really there, being all quiet and soft and vulnerable like Jaskier had never seen him before.

“I thought you were staying out at Yennefer’s?” He asked, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

“Hmm.” Geralt huffed without opening his eyes, or his mouth, too much. Still, the space between them was so small in the narrow bed that Jaskier still felt his warm breath ghosting over his face. “Dumped me.”

Jaskier tried to quell the pleased jump in his stomach. He didn’t like Yennefer all that much. She was older and snarky and had an annoying habit of insulting him in everyday conversation before kicking him out of his own dorm room to shag Geralt. She acted like everyone on campus existed to do things for her, including Geralt, and Jaskier knew the silent chem student was fit enough and smart enough to do better.

Still, getting dumped sucked and it explained why Geralt was drunk and alone. Jaskier didn’t like the idea of him stumbling back from her dorm in the middle of the night, no matter how big and scary he was. He wondered if she’d had the decency to walk him back. Probably not.

“You okay?” He asked with pursed lips.

“Hmm.” But Geralt’s breathing was already evening out, and it occurred to Jaskier that maybe he hadn’t gotten in the wrong bed by accident. Maybe he was upset. Maybe he needed a friend. He looked at his stoic roommate, watching as the ever-present frown on his forehead evened out as sleep took him. You big softie, he thought.

Feeling bold from a mixture of the intimacy of the dark room and Geralt being drunk and probably forgetful in the morning, he lent forward and pressed a chaste, dry kiss to his forehead. Stole it, really, because it was more for him. Warmth and adrenaline surged through him as soon as he’d done it, and it was hard to keep his voice steady when he quietly said: “you’re gonna be okay.”

Geralt mumbled again and shifted, turning more onto his side and releasing his arms from under his head. He inched a hand over the bed and let his fingers crawl over Jaskier’s clavicle until his arm came to a warm rest over Jaskier’s chest. He didn’t move again.

It took Jaskier a long while to sleep after that, afraid of moving and disturbing his depressed bedmate, but when he finally drifted off, his cheek rested against the warm back of Geralt’s hand and – he knew he shouldn’t have – but he felt content.

Geralt wasn’t there when Jaskier woke up and a wave of nervous worry washed over him. Obviously Geralt had woken up hungover and realised that he was cuddled up to his roommate and absconded from the room as quickly as possible. He was probably mad at Jaskier for not stopping him.

Shit, shit, shit, Jaskier began to panic before he forced himself to rationalise that it was probably fine. Geralt wouldn’t remember the kiss. He was probably just embarrassed he’d climbed in Jaskier’s bed or out making up with Yennefer. He hoped it wasn’t the latter.

Jaskier intentionally busied himself that morning. He called his mother, went to the library, checked out some books for his paper on twentieth century music and its influence on post-war youth rebellion, hauled everything onto his bed with papers spread out around him and was halfway through highlighting important sections from the editors introduction when the door opened.

His heart jumped in his throat when he heard the door handle twisting but he forced himself not to look up. He heard the door close quietly but Geralt just stood in the room and didn’t move to his bed or desk.

“Hey.” He finally said.

“What’s up?” Jaskier asked casually, looking up. “How’s your head?”

Geralt was dressed in loose-fitting tracksuit bottoms with a grey vest almost obscenely stretched over his pectoral muscles. His biceps bulged where he held his arms awkwardly by his side. His hair was pulled off his face in a messy bun and he had a weary, tired look in his eyes. So he’d been to the gym, then.

“Fine, thanks.” He replied stiffly. “Sorry about last night.”

Jaskier affected a half-smile. “It’s fine.” He said. “Just don’t give me shit next time I’m playing in the middle of the night.”

Geralt’s face pulled into a tight smile and Jaskier returned his gaze to his papers. Things were going to be alright, then. It was a relief.

“Listen, I saw a flyer for an open mic night at Posada in central tonight, I thought you might like to go?”

Jaskier’s highlighter paused on the paper. The glaring yellow bled through the paper until it softened and scored a hole through criticism of punk music being linked to heightened anti-social behaviour. Jaskier disagreed with such discourse, but not enough to ignore what Geralt had just said. Had he ever invited him to do anything since they’d met?

He looked up at the man still stood awkwardly on the other side of the room. That was another odd thing. Geralt was incredibly sure of himself. It kind of came with the territory of being a beast of a man. He was threatening, but in a calm and collected way, like a bodyguard. He rarely looked as unsure or nervous as he did now.

“What, like a date?” Jaskier joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yes, a date.” Geralt said seriously, his face evening out as part of his customary confidence returned. That sent shivers up Jaskier’s spine as much as the actual proposition did.

He was so dumbstruck that he agreed, feeling like Lizzie Bennett being asked to dance by Fitzwilliam Darcy. And just like Darcy, Geralt was out of the room with a swift nod not a moment later.

Jaskier just stared down at his textbook in surprise. “What was that?” He asked, as if expecting it to reply.

…

Geralt was dressed normally when they left the campus that night, in his usual black jeans and boots, but he’d changed his usual tee for a black button up shirt and he was wearing a fitted leather jacket. His hair was combed and neatly tied back. He looked kind of – smart, for Geralt at least.

Jaskier hadn’t really made too much effort with his appearance beyond jeans and a tee shirt. He was too surprised that he was apparently going on a date – or some equivalent – with Geralt goddamn Rivia the day after he’d broken up with his girlfriend. He didn’t know what was going on, but he was curious enough to be swept along with it.

Posada bar was a short enough distance away that they walked there, which Jaskier was glad for. He didn’t think he could cope with riding on the back of Geralt’s bike and having to snake his arms around his torso and press into his back.

They didn’t walk hand in hand or anything like that, but they stood close enough to each other that their knuckles occasionally grazed as their hands swung in time with their steps.

Jaskier moaned about his paper and Geralt listened dutifully, smiling occasionally when the conversation demanded it. Jaskier asked him about his training and Geralt replied but it wasn’t what Jaskier wanted to ask him. He wanted to ask why Yennefer had dumped him, but he didn’t dare.

Posada was pretty empty by the time they got there, from a mixture of being a Thursday night and being an open mic night. no one wanted to come and have a drink while a bunch of hipsters crooned out self-penned slam poetry and badly-tuned metal covers. But Geralt knew Jaskier was musical, he probably thought it was romantic.

Geralt ordered himself a bud and Jaskier opted for his preference of spiced rum and coke. Geralt made a joke about asking for a cocktail umbrella. Jaskier bit back good-naturedly with something about being classy. Geralt laughed. It was good banter, as dates went.

They stayed for a while, sat at a small table near the back, chatting easily and half-listening to the musicians playing on stage. Some of them weren’t that bad and Jaskier found himself listening intently and resting his hand on his arm as he relaxed into it. Geralt didn’t watch the band, he watched him.

After a while, a bartender got on stage and asked if anyone wanted to go up and have a go.

“You should go up.” Geralt said, no hint of irony in his voice.

Jaskier snorted. “I thought I was a terrible singer.”

“You’re only terrible at 6am.” Geralt said with a raised eyebrow. Jaskier laughed.

“Go on, go up.” Geralt repeated. “I’d like to hear it. You’ve seen me perform.”

Jaskier felt himself blushing. “I don’t have my guitar.”

“I’m sure they have one.”

Geralt was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek in a way that suggested he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

Jaskier rolled his eyes and heaved himself to his feet. A few people applauded disinterestedly as he snaked a guitar from the side of the stage. The instrument felt unfamiliar in his hands and he couldn’t help quickly checking it was tuned as he sat on the stool in front of the microphone.

“I, err, was bullied to come up here.” He said into the mic. The crowd laughed. Geralt smiled. It seemed worth it for that.

He played a soft melody he’d been working on and sang a few lines of lyrics he’d scribbled down in his notepads. It was a song about love and longing, as were most of his songs, and when his voice caught breathlessly around a feminine rhyme, the small crowd applauded and cheered and Jaskier finally looked up.

Geralt’s eyes were on him, slack and warm, and Jaskier suddenly felt like he was playing to Geralt alone, and like the song was about him, even though he hadn’t written it that way.

He finished with a blush to applause and awkwardly made his way back to his table as another act went up and started playing. He sat next to Geralt again and fiddled with a beermat on the table.

“You’re wonderful.” He rumbled.

“Yeah, but how’s my singing?” He asked cheekily, charm and bravado disguising shy embarrassment.

“Maybe one day you’ll learn how to take a compliment.” Geralt said into his bottle.

“I’m not used to compliments from you.” Jaskier pointed out, immediately regretting the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

Geralt’s mouth merely stretched into a grin and that same self-assured confidence settled over his features. “I compliment you all the time, you just don’t hear me.”

On the face of it, it was a dumb thing to say, but it made butterflies flutter in Jaskier’s stomach.

Jaskier had a lecture first thing the next morning so they left soon after. It was nearing midnight and it was dark outside, but it was a student city, alive with life and takeaways and lights, welcoming and safe. They took a detour through a park, streetlights illuminating the grass, and Jaskier didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the dark, but he snaked a hand out silently and took Geralt’s. Geralt didn’t say anything, but he didn’t let go, either.

“I had fun tonight.” Jaskier said to the darkness.

“Hmm.” Geralt replied, but it sounded warm.

They walked slowly, both knowing they’d be in trouble for being back late to the dorm at this time but not quite caring.

Geralt ducked down and plucked a buttercup from the side of the grassy pathway and hauled Jaskier closer to him with their still connected hands before holding the small yellow flower under his chin.

“Do you like butter?” He asked.

“I think that only works when the sun’s out.”

Geralt shrugged and continued holding the buttercup out until Jaskier realised what he meant. He disentangled their hands and plucked the small flower from Geralt’s fingers.

“You’re picking me flowers?” He asked with a laugh.

“That’s what you do on dates, right?” Geralt quipped.

Jaskier’s free hand curled around the lapel of Geralt’s leather jacket and pulled the larger man towards him. A sound escaped him before their lips found each other. It was a soft, lingering kiss – a first kiss – and after a moment, Geralt’s hands came to rest gently on Jaskier’s hips as if he’d had to psyche himself up to do it. When Jaskier pulled away, he was bright red but his dizzy, embarrassed smile was dazzling.

He held the buttercup up to his nose and fake-sniffed it before slipping the stem behind his ear. Bizarrely, it suited him.

“Why did she ever dump you?” He asked sarcastically, smile still firmly in place, not chasing an answer, before his gaze dipped embarrassedly and he walked forward a few paces. He was humming to himself.

Geralt watched him with a sad little smile and an erratic heartbeat and replied, so quietly Jaskier wouldn’t be able to hear: “because I told her I’d fallen in love with my roommate.”

 The end

[fallen-hero]

LET’S TALK PACING

Let's talk pacing, because it's a nebulous thing that I think deserves to be talked about more. BUT in order to talk about pacing, we need to talk about structure.

Writing a book is a thing. Most people who start out writing one, never finishes. They get stuck halfway, or they get a better idea, or they run out of steam, and even if they do finish it, they take one look at it and realizes it is not what they wanted and despair.

I get that. I really do. Most of the things that people write are short stories. Why? Because they are short, fast, fun little snippets. They might be a fanfiction filling out an established story, or just a scene that got stuck in your head, or even a carefully structured piece meant for publishing. It's still short. It's in the name. So you write it, check the grammar, maybe send it off to a beta, make sure that the language is good, and that you get across what you want to. Then you're done, publish and move on. The majority of time is spent actually writing, and most of the editing is done on the fly.

Why? Because it is short enough that you can keep everything in mind. It's a song, not an album.

This is what many people try to do with books, treating each chapter as a short story. Write, fix, edit, next chapter. Books... doesn't work that way.

One of my favorite illustrations of this is an author I am following on twitter (V.E Schwab, the structure of Vicious is -chef's kiss-) posting a picture of her and her editor trying to fix her latest (at the time) book before the deadline. The picture was of the floor filled with yellow papers detailing what happened in the scenes, and they kept moving around scenes to find the flow of the book. Because with a book, writing 'the end' is not the end, that is just the beginning. Because only when you've got the text down can you start making sense of the flow. Do you need to add scenes? Remove them? Move them around? These are the parts that are impossible to fix on the fly, because you don't know until you've got the end. It's too big. Too complex. It changes too much from what you've originally planned.

This is why I am so adamant about not fixing grammar or bothering having nice writing until the alpha is done. I don't know if the scenes will stay. I don't know if they need to be rewritten. I can't know.

In Rebirth, the scene where you steal the Rat-King was in a different place, and a lot more simple and dry. It was the part playtesters skipped through to get to the good stuff. I had to move it, rewrite it, add a lot of scenes to it just to make it fit better into the narrative and be fun. I have already done one round of changes to Retribution because I knew they were needed (moving chapters around, adjusting the timeline) but I can't look at it until I'm at the end,

If there is ONE advice I have to ANYBODY out there writing a book is to FINISH it before you start to edit it. Don't go back. Don't fix things. DON'T REWRITE THE START. JUST DON'T. Not until it's done. Otherwise it's wasted work. Take notes, but don't write it.

Just finish the damn book first.

It's taken me a lot of courage letting other people see my unfinished work. It's harder than I pretend, because I'm a perfectionist, but I also know that the end result will be the better for it. So I will suck it up. The biggest issue is that I can fix coding errors, but I CANNOT go and fix the pacing. Not yet. It will just sit there and annoy me, and I have to try to ignore it. It's not easy.

And here we come to the BIG problem with pacing.

PACING IN A BLOODY CHOICESCRIPT GAME.

It is a nightmare. In a book you have control. Here, the more choices you give people, the less control you have over the pacing.

Let's take a simple book. A is for Action, I is for Interaction, and R is for Romance.

A - I - A - I - A - R - A is a common pacing. A mix of action/plot and character interaction ending in a romance and a climax. No, not that kind of climax, get your mind out of the gutter.

In Rebirth I had a pacing like this, because the Interactions were separate, Ortega for the hero side and the past, Mortum for the villain side and the future. No complications. Simple. Easy to pace. And then we started to add love interests.

A - I - A - Ia/Ib/Ic/Id - A - Ra/Rb/Rc/Rd - A

Not that much more complicated. More alternative scenes, sure, but still straightforward as games go. Talk to person A or B. A lot of games that locks in your romance does this, choose the same interaction to build romance points, enough and you'll get the payoff at the end.

But some of those scenes were so nice, and would also work if you are friends. And I wanted a platonic playtrough as well. It's just that well, the friendship scenes are already there, and you can care about more than one person so why not be able to romance one and be friends with the other?

A - Ia -Ic - A - Ia - Ic - A - Ra - A

And all of a sudden those action/plot scenes are a lot further apart.

But some of those interaction scenes were cool, and kind of plot related things were revealed so maybe everyone should have those not to miss out on content, right? And that also helps with not having to choose one out of five options and feel shut out from the cool things in there for no good reason. In real life, people have time to do more things, right? Not to mention that you need more interactions to do more groundwork for the romance, which some people want to happen right now, and other people draw it out.

A - I - Ib - Ia - A - Ia - I - Ib - A - Ra - A

By now our plot/action A scenes are getting further and further apart... and all of a sudden someone says, well, there's a lot of talking and not much action in this game? Because we can have one playthrough that is:

A - I - Ib - Ia - Ic - A - Ia - I - Ib - A - Ia - Ra - A

because they talk to/wants to romance everyone, while another playthrough is:

A - I - A - I - A - R - A

because they are playing a depressed loner who would rather skip at least two of those I scenes because that would be in character.

And these are the things I'll have to sit and balance. Because there is no canon playtrough. Because some people will want to talk to everyone, and I have to make the decision if I should let them, and risk them complaining that the game is slow and too talky, but if I don't, they might complain that they get cut off from content for no good reason because realistically in the game they would have time.

And on the other hand I have to decide if I should allow people to skip content because it would be in character, and risk players missing out on content, information and maybe even think it was a short and boring game if they only played it once. I made the Lady Argent mind dive optional in Rebirth, and I think it was the right call. I did not make the Ortega argument in the park optional because I wanted that interaction there, though it was against character for some mc's to meet up.

These are the things I have to juggle, in addition to the pacing.

I am taking a big risk with Retribution, but I've allowed myself the possibility of failure, rather than taking control. I am giving the players/readers more variation/control and choices than I had planned. It's going to be very hard getting a decent pacing at the end, for all the varying playthroughs. But I'm gonna try.

We'll see if I'll manage to pull it off.

[i-do-trash-fanfictions]

Thera’s Journal Entry #46

TW / / Talks about attempted suicide

I returned to my ship and closed the door. I slumped into the pilot’s seat and just sat there. I was sure that I would have another mission to do in just a couple of minutes, maybe seconds. 

My ship’s comlink beeped with a missed message and I tapped it, expecting for sure for it to be another mission or patrol. Ikora’s voice came on. “Thera, I realize that we’ve been giving you too much work lately. You’re free for the rest of today and tomorrow. You deserve it.”

The message finished and went off and I grinned. Oh sweet freedom.

“I bet that Crow had something to do with that.” Scout said from over my shoulder.

“Probably,” I said, flicking some switches and firing up my ship, then setting course for the Tower. “Put him on coms.”

“Alright. Done.”

“Alright, how’d you convince Ikora and Zavala to give me a break?” I asked, leaning back in my chair.

“I simply went to Osiris. He took care of the rest.” Came Crow’s answer.

“You know, now that the rest of today’s open, I think we should do that date. Head to my place at 6. I’ll make dinner.”

“Ooh, what will you be making?”

“I’ll let that be a surprise.”

He hummed. “I’m sure it’ll be good whatever it is.”

We went off coms and I sighed contently. “I’ll probably make one of those new recipes I saw.” I told Scout.

Scout bobbed in the air, as if he were nodding.

“You still have the report to file out for this mission. I’ll go get that done for you so you don’t have to worry about it.”

I nodded and Scout flew off, leaving me in the cockpit.

My thoughts wondered about how well Crow has been adjusting to living at the Tower. The same day that he had arrived I had taken him to a high area on one of the roofs. We had drunken some alcohol and enjoyed the sight of the Traveler and the sun setting.

The next day I had him meet Ann, who was so excited. Poppy was excited to see Glint again. They had talked before, back when he was known as Pulled Pork. She loved to hear about some of the things he had scanned and the places he had seen.

The three of us had met at another spot of the Tower that was outside. No one went out there much, so it would be perfect. Then Crow could take his mask off and enjoy some food with us.

Ann and Crow got along really well, and then Ann ended up asking for a story from me. I had begun to tell her some about me, Sora, and Zane, and Ann wanted Crow to hear one. So I told one about a ship race that Zane had brought me on. 

Crow had a bit of trouble adjusting to everything at first. I took him around, showed him his room, and gave him some glimmer when he first arrived. But it took some getting used to, going from living in a little room in Spider’s lair where he barely got enough food (when I had found out about that, I had nearly gone straight to Spider and carried out my threat), to living in a nice room in the Tower where he could get almost anything he wanted. He wasn’t used to being able to go nearly wherever he wanted without asking. He would always ask me if he was allowed to go places. But he did adjust eventually. Though he still hasn’t entirely adjusted to where things were to the Tower. I’ve had to help him out twelve times when he’s gotten lost.

Soon, the Tower came into view and I docked in the Hangar. I stopped over at Amanda’s spot really quick.

“You ain’t got anymore missions to go on?”

“Nope. Had a friend to bail me out. He convinced the Vanguard to give me today and tomorrow off.”

“Lucky you. Hey, got some more music all set up.” She handed me a chip.

“Thanks. I better get going.”

“See ya around.”

I walked off and headed towards my room. I was going to try to make some pasta. I didn’t make it very often because I didn’t know how, but I had seen a recipe and it seemed easy enough.

-----------------------------------------------------

I heard a knock at my door and got up to open it.

“Hey.” I said, letting Crow in.

He sniffed the air and then spotted the pizza box, half pepperoni-half sausage, sitting on the bed.

“I thought you were going to cook.” He said, sitting down at the small round table near the kitchenette.

“Yeah, well-” I said with a blush. “I tried and it didn’t turn out to well. So I got pizza.”

“I’m fine with that. I actually haven’t had pizza yet.”

“You haven’t had pizza yet!” I said, feigning a gasp.

He chuckled. I got us both slices and I sat across from him at the table.

“So, what are you going to do now that you’re off?”

“Sleep in.” I said between bites. “Probably make brownies. Goof off with Ann.”

He nodded. “Seems like a good way to spend your off day.” He looked past me. “You wear hats?”

I turned around to see what he was looking at. A cowboy hat sat on the table on it’s stand.

“Oh, no. I might wear it sometime. It was Zane’s old cowboy hat. He used to wear it when we went out to places.”

“You’ve become more comfortable talking about your fireteam. Last time I asked about them you got upset and didn’t want to talk.”

“I suppose since I’ve been talking about Sora and Zane more with Ann, it isn’t as hard to talk about them anymore. I spent most of my time after their death pushing their memory away.” I finished off a final bite. “I’m glad I’ve got someone like Ann. For the longest time, I had no friends at all.”

“Why not?”

“After Zane and Sora’s death, it became real to me that Guardians could still die. That they may not come back from a mission. It scared me. I was afraid that I would lose someone else, and then I would fall right back into my depression again. So I decided that I wouldn’t take the risk and make anymore friends. That I would be a loner.” I got up and went to the mini fridge that sat on the counter, opened it, grabbed a soda and sat back down. “It was bad after they died.” I said, popping the can open and taking a sip. “I wanted to die for a while.”

Crow didn’t say anything. I suppose he didn’t know what to say. 

I kept going. “I wanted to kill myself and I didn’t want Scout to rez me. I did a few times. He rezzed me anyway. Once I tried to lock him in the bathroom and run off where he couldn’t find me. He contacted a... friend.” I was talking about Cayde. I still didn’t like to mention his name around Crow. “He caught up to me. Talked some sense into me. Brought me back to my room. I felt so guilty for scaring Scout like that later. Scout talked some more sense into me later. I never tried again.” I took another sip. “I also used to run away for days at a time. Once it had been a week and a half. I wasn’t planning on going back. That same friend got on coms. Talked some more sense into me. I came home. Never ran off like that again. I convinced myself that it would be better to push away their memory. Then I wouldn’t have to be so upset all the time. It’s been years, and only now am I going through all the stuff they left to me, like the cowboy hat.

“When Ann came along, I couldn’t just push her away. I thought about it, after I first hung out with her, but then decided not to. We became close friends. She sees me as like an older sister figure.”

“I can see that.” Crow said. “She looks up to you a lot.”

I nodded. “I’m still afraid that something bad might happen to her. But I try not to worry about it too much. I’ve realized now that life’s a lot better with friends than without.”

“What happened to him?” Crow asked after a pause.

“Who?”

“That friend. That convinced you not to kill yourself. That convinced you not to run away.”

I didn’t meet his eyes. “He died too.” I answered quietly.

“Oh.”

I tried not to cry. This was the most I had told anyone besides Scout. Sure, Ann knew that I had gone through a bad depression after Zane and Sora’s death, but she didn’t know that I had been suicidal. That I had wanted to run away from the Tower and never come back.

But I couldn’t hold the tears in. Crow was up in seconds and his arms were wrapped around me.

“Hey. Hey.” He said softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked about him.”

“No, no. It’s alright. You didn’t know.” I sniffed and wiped my eyes.

“Hey, let’s watch the Goonies. I know you like that movie.”

I smiled. He picked me up and moved me to the bed, then went to grab my projector and the chip that held the movie. He fiddled with it for a bit and I grinned.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to set this up.”

I stood up and set it up. Soon the movie was playing and the two of us were leaned back against some pillows and the headboard. Crow had his arm wrapped around my shoulder and I leaned on his chest, taking in his scent, our conversation that we had had long forgotten as the opening credits began. I need more moments like these, I thought to myself as finally the scene changed to the beginning of the movie.