#i need to make a lot of doctors appointments. but tomorrow is a very good step

[thebibliosphere]

Do you have any advice on how to get doctors to listen to you? I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and my parents are only giving me one chance at figuring out what’s why I’m having problems. For reference I’m an afab minor with diagnosed anxiety(I’m worried they’ll dismiss me as overreacting for this) and I can’t stand or sit for extended periods of time without pain and standing give me fatigue + brain fog and I use a cane to walk. No pressure of course, I just don’t have anyone irl to ask

Sorry I didn’t see this sooner, hopefully you see this in time.

If you have time, write down everything you want to bring up so you have a clear list you can refer to in case any jitters make you forget.

Try to rate how these symptoms affect your daily life and what they prevent you from doing. Do not underplay them or minimize what you’re going through.

Note: with some doctors if can sometimes help if you tell them that you want to get better so you can increase productivity and “get back to normal.” It’s ableist and bullshit but it can sometimes really help get them in your corner if you’re worried they might be dismissive or right you off.

I’ve had doctors who were very not keen to run tests change their tune the moment I said, “I just want to get to the bottom of this so I can fix it and go back to work.” (In your case school/extra circular activities)

As soon as they knew I was a good little worker bee, they wanted to help. It’s unfortunate but a lot of doctors feel that way.

If they bring up anxiety or try to dismiss your symptoms because that is in your file, tell them you know what your anxiety feels like but that this feels very different and hasn’t responded to anything you’ve tried to manage your anxiety.

I don’t know your home situation but it doesn’t sound supportive—I’m sorry for that. I know what it’s like to not have your medical needs met as a minor. But please know you can request for your parents not to be in the room with you if that would help.

I wish you all the best and I hope things improve for you soon. Take care 💖

[moonstruckme]

May I request a dr Remus scolding reader for ignoring a broken toe?

I know it’s nothing major (which is nice sometimes). I often break my toe and just ignore it until it hurts a lot.

I think Remus would give a good little speech about taking care of things he love (reader)

Thank you!

I'm sorry, often??? Uhh hope you're doing okay lovely, thanks for requesting <3

cw: broken toe, no description

doctor!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 730 words

“Don’t touch it,” you hiss.

Remus looks over from where he’s holding your foot in his lap with a sardonic expression. “I thought it didn’t hurt.”

“It doesn’t when you’re not touching it!” 

“Dove.” He wraps a hand around your ankle when you try to pull away, his touch one part soothing and two parts stern. “I’m going to have to touch it some, okay? Just breathe and let me know where it hurts.” 

You sit back against the couch cushions and try not to sulk. This is entrapment. Your know-it-all boyfriend hid the pain relievers just so you’d have to fess up to needing them when he caught you ransacking the bathroom, and now he’s making you submit to his know-it-all exam so you can have them. Entrapment and bribery. You should look into whether you can sue him for malpractice. 

“Ah!” You suck in a gasp. “There, it hurts there.” 

Remus stops touching your injured toe. “Sorry,” he says, rubbing the bottom of your foot consolingly. “I hate to tell you, but this isn’t a sprain. Sprains don’t hurt to the touch like this.” 

Oh, you’ll bet he hates to tell you. Told-you-so are Remus’ favorite words. 

“But it’s so much easier if it’s a sprain,” you whine. “It could still just be bruised. I read online that those feel almost indistinguishable from breaks.” 

“Oh, you read it online, did you?” Remus manages to get enough eye-roll into his voice that he doesn’t even need to follow through on the action. You must look even poutier than you intend, because he cracks, grinning at you indulgently. He beckons with a hand. “Give me your other foot.” 

You blink. Raise your eyebrows at him. “What do you want with it? I think you have enough of my feet there already.” 

“It’s for comparison, dove.” 

“Sure it is.” You lift your other foot onto his lap. “Pervert.” 

Remus’ tongue pokes into his cheek, suppressing a different sort of grin. He grasps your good foot and digs his thumb into the ticklish part cruelly, making you squeal and kick at him. “You’re the pervert,” he says placidly, pinning your foot until you settle down. “Look here, see?” 

You lean forward tentatively, the end of a giggle still fizzing in your chest. 

“The toe on this foot is a little curved, but that one’s definitely worse.” He tugs on your good toe as if to demonstrate. “They were probably the same before you broke it.” 

You sigh, resigned. “I don’t want it to be broken, though. Then it’s, like, a whole thing.” 

Remus makes a sorry face at you. He lifts your injured foot, kissing the side. “I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry.” 

“Well,” you say, eyeing him, “at least you can stop touching my feet now.” 

“This one, yes.” He unhands your good foot. “But this one, I think I need to keep an eye on.” 

You cross your arms, suspicious. Never mind that his lap is a very comfortable footrest. “And why’s that?” 

“Because I take care of the things that are important to me.” He cuts a look your way. “Some of us don’t seem to do the same.” 

“Ugh,” you laugh, ignoring the heat rushing to your cheeks, “you’re the worst, you know that?” 

“Yeah, dovey, I know.” He smiles down at his phone, keeping one hand wrapped securely around your ankle while the other thumbs something into the search bar. 

“What’re you doing?” 

“Making you an appointment for tomorrow morning. We have a podiatrist at my work, I’ll go with you.” 

You frown. “Do I really have to go to your office so someone else can tell me what you just did?” 

This time, Remus does roll his eyes. You poke him with your good foot to let him know you saw. “Yes, you do. They could help it heal faster, and I know you’ll listen better if they tell you to rest it than if I tell you.” 

“I listen to you.” 

“Oh, yeah?” He looks over at you interestedly. “I told you to rest it when you hurt it two days ago. How’s it feeling now?” 

You look away from his gaze. “Coddled,” you mutter. 

Remus chuckles. He leans sideways, bumping your nose with his until you oblige him with a kiss. “If that’s what it takes, sweetheart,” he says, “I’m happy to coddle you.”

[ladykailitha]

If I Rescue You, Will You Rescue Me, Too? Part 3

Steve learns the fate of the party and Jeff is a good dude. And Wayne is bestest, but y’all knew that.

Part 1 Part 2

*

The doctor waited patiently for everyone to file out.

“Steve,” he said, “I’m Dr Hathaway. If you would like Mr Wayne Munson to hear your prognosis, would you please sign these?”

Steve looked over at Wayne and then back at Eddie. They both shrugged. But it made sense. Since Steve was sharing a room with Eddie Wayne would be there anyway.

He carefully read each document and then signed them both. He handed them back to Dr Hathaway.

“Right, thank you,” he said. “You’re doing fine. The wounds on your side and chest are healing nicely. There is no infection and didn’t require stitches. We would have liked to have made that decision ourselves. Two days ago. When you got them.” He raised an eyebrow at Steve, who blushed.

“Was kinda running for my life at the time,” Steve murmured.

“So I’ve been read in,” Dr Hathaway said.

Everyone in the room visibly relaxed from the unknown tension of how much they could say to the doctor.

“We will be keeping you overnight for observation to monitor your hydration and sugar levels,” he continued. “When you were brought in you were dehydrated with a low blood sugar. I understand that with being on the access to food and water was probably scarce but,” Dr Hathaway jutted his thumb at Eddie, “he had better hydration and nutrition then you did.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up. “Didn’t you eat at all?”

Steve flushed. “I may have forgotten...”

“I swear to god, Harrington,” Eddie growled, “when I get out of this hospital bed I am going to kick your self-sacrificing ass.”

Dr Hathaway hid his grin with his clipboard. “I think you’ll have to take a number and get in line. I believe there are two young ladies and about a half of a dozen teenagers that are chomping at the bit to do exactly that.”

Eddie chuckled. “Then I will happily wait my turn.”

Steve looked to Wayne for support. He didn’t even know why. It just...felt right.

“Don’t worry,” Wayne said fondly, patting Steve’s hand, “I’ll make sure they don’t kick you too hard.”

Eddie cackled and the doctor huffed a laugh.

“Savages,” Steve said with a pout.

“If your vitals are good tomorrow,” Dr Hathaway said, clearing his throat, “you’ll get to be release from our care.”

Steve sighed happily. “Thank you, Dr Hathaway. That’s good news.”

The doctor stepped over to Eddie. “Now, you are the one we are most concerned with.”

Eddie looked down at his many bandages and nodded. “With any luck you’ll be out of here in a week. Without luck, two.”

“What’s the prognosis, Doc?” Wayne asked.

“The wounds were clean and well bandaged,” Dr Hathaway said. He turned to Steve, “I understand that was your handiwork?”

Steve nodded. “I was trained in CPR and first aid when I was a lifeguard at the community center.”

Dr Thompson nodded. “You did a good a job, you probably saved his life.”

Eddie and Wayne shared a shocked glance.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asked as Steve shifted uncomfortably in his bed.

“The bite to your throat was within milometers from your carotid artery,” Dr Hathaway explained, “if Steve hadn’t done such a good job with the bandaging, there is a real possibility you would have bleed out before you got to us.”

Wayne took Steve’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“The wounds on the arms are bad, but the leather jacket, which I am told you were wearing, lessened the damage,” Dr Hathaway continued. “It will take a lot of healing and probably some serious physical therapy but you’ll be fine. We’ll see. Now that you’re awake, I’ll set up an appointment with the physical therapist and see what needs to be done.”

Eddie nodded. “What about the bites on my legs?”

The doctor looked at his clipboard again and hummed. “Very minimal damage. You have a bite on your left thigh and another on your left calf but for whatever reason they weren’t able to get through the wet denim.”

Eddie laughed. “Armor, the only good thing to come from wet fucking jeans. They are like the worst!”

Steve chuckled. “Agreed. It’s why I didn’t wear them when we found out about the Upside Down being back. They literally suck.”

“Do either of you have any questions?” Dr Hathaway asked. “Or you Mr Munson?”

They all shook their heads.

“Good, then I will let your friends come back in,” he said. He walked out and the Corroded Coffin boys shuffled back in.

“What happened to Robin?” Steve asked when she didn’t come in with them.  

“She went to go relay the information that you’re awake to ‘the party’ or whatever it was she said,” Jeff said.

Steve buried his head in his hands. “I’m going to be invaded...” he wailed.

Eddie laughed. “They’ve already come and seen me.” His grin slid off his face. “You and me weren’t the only ones that were hurt. Red’s in a coma.”

Steve’s breath caught. “Shit, I was so worry about everything else I forgot to see if anyone else was hurt. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stupid!” He gripped his hair, chanting ‘stupid’ over and over again. Wayne was on him in an instant.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said, grabbing Steve’s hands and gently pried them from his hair. “Calm down there, kiddo! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

The other boys watched in pained silence as Wayne got Steve to calm down.

“Did anyone else get hurt?” Steve said through a ragged breath.

“Just us three,” Eddie said. “You did good, Stevie. I promise. The fact that out of eight of us, less than half got hurt? That’s a fucking miracle and you know it.”

Steve let out a whimper. “Only I’ve been hurt before.” He paused. “No, that’s not right. We lost Hop, too.” He let out a pained cry. “God, I’m so selfish.”

The room’s silence penetrated into ounce of space, even Jeff, Gareth, and Brian cottoned on to the fact that Steve was talking about something deeper, something darker then just an animal attack and the serial murders that caused a witch hunt for their friend.

“We’re alive,” Eddie murmured. “That’s the important part, I promise.”

Steve just curled up on his side and away from everyone else.

Jeff watched him for a moment, before he started talking with Eddie and drawing everyone’s attention away from Steve’s evident torment.

Wayne got up and moved his chair over to the other side of Steve’s bed and got close to his face.

“Boy, I’m gonna tell you something,” Wayne murmured. “And you better listen close, you hear?”

Steve nodded.

“Good,” he said. “I may have not fought off monsters and super powered humans, but I have fought in a war, so trust me when I say I know shit.”

“I’m–I was the oldest before Eddie came along,” he whispered back, “it’s my job to protect them.”

“Steve, you were running on empty with very little sleep I’ll bet,” Wayne said gently, “you did your best. And you saved my boy. I don’t know the girl that got hurt, I hear she was from Forest Hills, too?”

Steve nodded again. “Max Mayfield.”

Wayne pursed his lips. “Okay, yeah I know her mother. I had to break up fights between her and that husband of hers. Hell I had break up more than just fights. You know about that?”

“Her step-brother gave me my third concussion with a plate to the head.”

Wayne took Steve’s hand. “She’s going to be okay, because you made sure people were with her. It’s not your fault Jason Carver found them. From what I hear he had gone mad from the grief and was going to do whatever it took to put it to rights. Only the boy didn’t know he couldn’t fight the devil and win.”

“He didn’t even know it was the devil he was fighting,” Steve murmured, the tension from his body slowly seeping out.

Wayne brought Steve’s hand to his chest. “All of you kids knew the risks going into this. And the fact that you couldn’t turn to a single adult pisses me off more than I can possibly convey. That Wheeler girl told you lot having been fighting this for four years. You were a child Steve. Just like those freshmen are.” With his other hand he ran his fingers through Steve’s hair. “You shouldn’t have had to do any of this shit, but you did and all of you made it out alive. Alive, Steve. Alive.”

Tears ran down Steve’s face and he nodded. They were alive. And Vecna was dead. He just needed El to confirm it.

As if from his lips to god’s ear, there was a shy knock on the door. Everyone turned to see a girl with a shaved head peak into the room.

Steve sat up and Wayne sat back to avoid getting hit.

“Sorry,” Steve muttered. But he threw out his arms and suddenly the girl was in his arms.

“You’re safe,” he whispered, rubbing her head. “I’m sorry about your hair, sweetheart.”

“He’s gone, Steve,” she whispered back. “I can’t feel him anymore. He’s gone. But I don’t have hope, not anymore.”

He held her close. He knew what she meant. Every time they thought they were done with this bullshit, it came storming back in. “At least it only happens once a year, yeah? We’ll be ready if it comes back. But maybe no more moving across the country, huh?”

She chuckled wetly into his shoulder. She reared back with bright eyes and big smile. “I almost forgot, Joyce got Dad back.”

Steve blinked at her for a moment. “Hop? Chief Hopper is back?”

She nodded excitedly. “The Russians faked his death and kidnapped him.”

Suddenly the weight was lifted off Steve’s shoulders. The actual adults were back. He could relax now. He hadn’t lost anybody. Max just had to come out of her coma and everything would be fine.

It would all be fine.

Part 4  Part 5 Part 6 Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11  Part 12 Part 13  Part 14  Part 15 Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Part 19  Part 20

Tag List: @anaibis @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @spectrum-spectre @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666  @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @whalesharksart 

[cerise-on-top]

Hiiiii how have you been love bug? (Please tell me if your uncomfortable with that term since you are non-binary and they/them I’m not sure what nicknames you are uncomfortable with it’s just what I call my friends and just a nickname I have for people in general🫶🏻🫶🏻 ) so I’d like to to request farah with a adhd reader who is hyper forgetful and sometimes has meltdowns ( as someone with adhd)🧡🧡🧡

Hey! I'm fine! Bought some more yarn for my leftover blanket today, which I'm excited to work on! And don't worry, I think love bug is really cute! I don't mind most nicknames, but thank you for being considerate, I really do appreciate it! Hope you're doing well as well ^^

I don't have ADHD, so I don't know at all what it's like for someone with it! I had to do some research on it, so I don't know if these are actually viable methods of helping, but I tried! Please do correct me with something that might help and I'll add it in this post afterwards! I hope this is enjoyable to you regardless! Thank you for the request!

Farah with a Reader with ADHD

Farah doesn’t particularly know a lot about mental illnesses. She may be traumatized, yes, but that doesn’t mean she ever had the time to research any of them. So she’s definitely not the best person to go to when it comes to things like these, but she tries, even if she can’t always understand everything that’s going on. You’re suffering, and that’s enough for her to know she should do something to help you.

You being this forgetful may be a cause of concern for her, though. It’s not every day she meets someone who forgot what they did five minutes prior. It’s especially concerning when it’s something important, though, like seeing a doctor. Although she may be worried for you potentially developing something as severe as dementia eventually, she’ll try to push her worries aside and help you to the best of her abilities. If you ever need reminders, she can help you. Farah remembers and retains things very well, she’s never had any issues with it since she had to in order to get by. If you need to remember something, she’ll remind you a few times a day. You have an appointment? Don’t forget about it tomorrow, I’ll tell you again then. However, she’s also a big fan of post its and will write down whatever it is you may need and place it somewhere she knows you’re going to see it. I know, out of sight, out of mind, but she’ll also text you and have you make reminders on your phone for important things so you don’t forget. Won’t get mad at you for forgetting your anniversary, she can see that it’s hard for you to remember things and won’t yell at you or anything either. However, she will mention that it was your anniversary, or maybe her birthday. For the most part she just wants to spend those days with you, if she can, and will thus remind you. Again, you don’t need to feel ashamed for forgetting, she’ll tell you that it’s quite alright and that you shouldn’t worry. She’s patient like that.

If you have a meltdown in front of her, she definitely would not know what to do at first. Depending on what kind of meltdown it is, she’ll react differently. If it creeps up on you, slowly making you irritated, then she’ll ask you what’s wrong. Regardless of your answer, she’ll ask you how she can help you, if you would like to be left alone or if you would like to take a small break in any way. She gets it and she’ll get you away from whatever is stressing you out so you can slowly recharge. If you really do want to be left alone for a while, she will comply, but will knock on your door to check up on you every once in a while and will bring you some food as well. Farah just wants you to be well, so she’ll take care of you how she thinks might help. Food is always good, food usually helps her, so she hopes it’ll do the same for you as well.

If it’s a sudden meltdown where you don’t know where left and right are anymore, then she’ll get you away from everyone else at first. While she can’t imagine what it’s like for you, it likely isn’t very pleasant for you to be crying and screaming in front of other people. Hoping that you trust her, she’ll try to ground you, asking you how you’re feeling, what you’re feeling and how she could help you. What happened is also another question she would ask you. Again, she won’t really know what to do on her own, but she tries her best. Farah will talk to you in a soothing tone and try to distract you at first so you can calm down a bit. Whether it be cracking a joke or asking you about your top five favorite reptiles. Even if you can’t answer her properly, she’ll just reassure you that it’s okay, that everything is just bad in this moment and that it’ll pass. She’s with you this entire time and won’t leave you unless you want her to. Asks you to breathe a bit with her. In all your time being together, she’s likely learned a breathing technique or two that might help you.

Once your meltdown is over, she’ll be very gentle with you, especially if she can see you’re beating yourself up over it. You really shouldn’t feel ashamed for something that you can’t help, it’s not your fault. If you feel especially down, she’ll give you a kiss on the forehead and get some ice cream with you. Something like a meltdown seems exhausting to her. While she doesn’t want to seem like she’s rewarding you for having a meltdown, she does want you to be kind to yourself afterwards, that’s what the ice cream is for. And if you don’t want ice cream, then some berries, fruits or a small snack will suffice as well. Either way, she’s there for you the entire time until you feel better.

[emanonandtheirshitposting]

yesterday my boyfriend asked me to write down all my symptoms so he can help me with making a doctor's appointment

I never realized HOW MANY health issues I have, because I'm so used to feeling bad and being in pain lol

I finally got the energy to make an appointment and it's tomorrow (I got very lucky)! I hope my doctor is a good doctor and will actually listen to me (｡ﾉω＼｡)

I haven't seen a doctor in months and I need to see a LOT of different doctors this is gonna be hard and also embarrassing

[thelittolpinkstudent]

hello, hello! apologies for not posting yesterday; i was very tired and focused upon getting to sleep on time last night. i was successful! it’s been pretty rainy here, but i actually kind of enjoy it. we’re getting a taste of march’s classic weather a few days early. it also makes me feel so cozy throughout the day. i’ll do a quick review of yesterday and then we can move on to today!

yesterday (2/27/2024):

�� make an appointment with the health center to check my knee

✅ readings for thursday’s fiction writing class

✅ review third section of anthropology study guide

✅ look over practice pieces #3-5 and write questions for conference

attended appointment with health center after classes; unfortunately, i am out of dance until further notice… T^T

✅ email ballet professor about situation with knee

started watching a k-drama “oh my baby!” on netflix 📺 i love anything concerning families and motherhood i find them so interesting

today (2/28/2024):

conference with my fiction writing professor; talked specifically about one of my pieces i’ll be revising for class on tuesday

✅ german homework (i groaned when i saw it was listening)

✅ food outbreaks for public health

✅ finding clinical trials for public health

✅ final review for anthropology midterm; assessing significance and finding or thinking of strong examples; reading over all of my terms

and that’s about all! in regards to my knee, i haven’t been officially diagnosed with anything, just vaguely, as i’d need an mri for that, but i have an appointment on monday with our campus’ sports medicine doctors that specialize in orthopedics. right now, a lot of icing, advil, and ace bandaging is necessary. until i’m cleared, i’ll be sitting out of ballet class and writing observations. even just today i learned a lot from observing my classmates! in regards to my anthropology midterm, i’m a little nervous, but hopefully my studying over the past few days will have been beneficial. i know what to expect, but i also don’t know what to expect. my prof tries to be clear, but sometimes it just confuses me more!

gratitude: burrito bowl wednesday!

days until spring break: 9

anyways, wish me luck on my exam! 🤞to all of you also currently in midterm season, good luck to you! you’re going to ace your exams 💪 see you all tomorrow! 💕

[midwestmade29]

Christian Cage Request 🥰

To anonymous: This was such a sweet idea! I hope what I wrote matches what you had in mind. Enjoy 🖤

Original Anonymous Request: "Can I request a Christian Cage x Female!Reader where the reader is Christian’s wife since he first started with WWE (Basically as if he married the reader when he did instead of his ex wife) and he comes home from being on the road with AEW to his wife, who’s heavily pregnant and has been having some slight complications, curled up in bed with their daughter, Isla, who’s cuddling with her mom because she knows she hasn’t been feeling the best and Christian can’t help but melt at the sight of his girls. He ends up taking a few weeks off to tend to his girls and make sure his love is okay?"

Disclaimers: None really! This story is fluff. It does cover pregnancy and high blood pressure but that’s it. Read at your own discretion.

Word count: 1,096

Divider by: @saradika-graphics

Braxton hicks: false contractions

Paternity leave: The time off a new father is given after the birth of his baby.

Your 20-year wedding anniversary was rapidly approaching, along with the birth of your 2nd child! A lot has happened during the last 20 years, first meeting Christian when he was working for WWE, getting married and eventually having your daughter Isla, and Christian being forced into retirement due to his injuries he sustained in the ring. Not every moment was good, but you worked together to get through the challenging times. Seeing Christian as a dad was the best thing in the world, Isla had him wrapped around her little finger! Ever since Isla could talk, she had always begged for a little brother or sister. Time marched on and she remained an only child- until now! When you and Christian saw the positive pregnancy test, both of you were shocked! Even though the timing is a little off since Isla is almost 10 years old now and with Christian officially coming out of retirement to wrestle again, you just knew everything would work out somehow!

Christian’s travel schedule with AEW was hard to adjust to at first since you and Isla were so used to having him home every day. He often missed out on the big and little things that were going on with you and Isla, which made being a part even more difficult. Phone calls, text messages and Facetime helped ease the sting of his absence, but nothing could compare to the feeling of being snuggled up with him in bed or the sound of laughter echoing through the house as him and Isla played together! Lately his popularity amongst the fans had skyrocketed which put him in high demand for being on TV more often. Christian was on the road more than he was at home now! The stress of being as pregnant are you are along with trying to take care of Isla on your own was starting to wear on you. At your most recent doctor’s appointment, your blood pressure was elevated and was most likely caused from the anxiety you were feeling about Christian leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks. On top of your high blood pressure, your anxiety made you as nauseous as you were during your first trimester! Your doctor informed you that she was going to be keeping a close eye on you, and if your blood pressure didn’t lower within the next week, you would be given medicine or placed on bed rest. You didn’t care for either of those options, so you promised her that you would do your best to lower your stress!

Isla was such a trooper while Christian was gone! She always helped around the house and very rarely complained about it. Her caring and nurturing soul shinned through every time she asked if there was something she could get you or do for you. She always tried to make you laugh or offer you a hug when she could tell you needed it the most. One of her favorite things to do at bedtime is to snuggle up next to you and rest her head on your belly. She loved feeling the baby move and kick! Isla kept one of your ultrasound pictures on her nightstand and you often caught her staring at it instead of trying to fall asleep. It made your heart happy seeing her so excited about the baby, and you just knew she was going to be the best big sister ever!

During your Facetime call with Christian, you informed him about the good report your doctor had given you earlier in the day! “She said that my blood pressure is exactly where it should be. No medicine or bed rest for me! I told the doctor that my nausea hasn’t been as frequent as it was, but she did give me some over the counter medicine suggestions in case it starts up again. All in all, the appointment went great, and mom and baby are healthy!” you explained. Christian’s smile was contagious, and his words were heartfelt when he spoke, “That’s wonderful news baby! I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. I miss you and Isla like crazy! Hopefully the rest of this road trip goes by quickly so I can come home to my girls!” What Christian didn’t tell you during your conversation was that Tony Kahn informed him that they had everything they needed from him so he could go home a few days early! The very next night when you had finished reading a book with Isla, both of you had fallen asleep in her bed. It had been a little bit of a rough day since your feet and ankles were swollen and you had a headache you just couldn’t shake. When Christian walked into Isla’s bedroom, he saw both of his girls snuggled up together in a sea of various stuffed animals. You still had the book open on your chest and Isla had her hand on your belly. He made sure to take a picture of the sweet moment before he woke both of you up and surprised you.

The next couple of weeks were filled with several ups and downs regarding your pregnancy. You had caught the flu leaving you dehydrated which led to you being admitted into the hospital for a couple of days. Thankfully you felt much better afterwards, but that good feeling didn’t last very long. You started having minor contractions late one night, so Christian called your doctor. She explained what to look for if they continued, but ultimately determined they were just Braxton hicks. Because you were so close to the end of your pregnancy, Christian started his paternity leave early! He took the next several weeks off so he could be home and make sure his girls were taken care of. He waited on you hand and foot and took care of everything around the house. Isla and Christian were the dream team whenever they worked together to complete a task, their love for each other made your heart swell! He embraced homework duty, went with you to all your remaining doctor appointments, ran all the errands, went out late at night to get you whatever you were craving, and even took care of everything during Isla’s sleepover she had with her friends. In the end, it was a good thing Christian had taken time off from AEW because your baby was born within the first week of him being home. Your beautiful and healthy baby boy was born on your 20th wedding anniversary, the perfect gift to celebrate such a milestone!

[secretlythepits]

Bracing for Tomorrow

I took a beat and that was healthy for me.

Tomorrow is a big day I am dreading. It’s my husband’s last chemo, plus immunotherapy, plus an extra visit with his original oncologist to check on his throat. We have to do it at the bigger downtown treatment center which is just a lot less nice and a lot more stressful, but it makes sense because of his oncology appointment.

He is still coughing a lot and sounds awful, but he is back at work. His doctor said if his pretreatment labs are fine, he can get treatment. No doubt it is going to freak out every other patient and caregiver because he sounds infectious, though he’s not. His oncologist has to put a camera down his throat, which he always hates, but this time with his spasmodic coughing, it doesn’t seem possible. We shall see.

Things will die down after this. He will get a PET scan and that will let us know how effective treatment was. He will continue immunotherapy and that should be much easier, so maybe life will level off.

That is him.

Next week is my youngest son’s birthday. Not great timing because it should be pretty hard around here with his dad wiped out from chemo and pertussis, but that’s when it is. He wants nothing. Sounds good but it has the effect of putting more pressure on me to come up with something. I told him my abilities peaked last year and it will be downhill from there. He agrees. Last year I surprised him with the best dog that has ever existed. Nothing can come remotely close to that. Oh, that means we have a doggy birthday too.

That’s him.

I have made serious progress on my curriculum. It is more work than I expected but it’s also much better than I expected (and I had high expectations!). There is still much to do, but it feels good to hit a benchmark. My brain gets tired from this task. It’s pretty much the hardest thing I could make my brain do: organize many, many different pieces of information into calendars. I have to take breaks. I can literally feel my brain fatigue, like you would if you were doing bicep curls and pushed too hard. It’s not a headache, but I feel this slushy sensation and I know I am about to lose my ability to walk and talk if I keep going. However, I can often come back after an hour break. Still, there can be a cumulative effect and that’s annoying.

I’ve also been regularly exercising. Not much progress but it feels good to get moving and I know it’s the first step to getting a good program going again. I wish I could do more but I am maxed out. I feel not just like I’m taking baby steps, but Thumbalina baby steps.

When I was freaking out last week I called my soul sister. I am so lucky to have her. I can say the most terrible thing I’m thinking and she thinks I’m still marvelous. We have known each other 46 years and been extremely close for much of that time. On the phone I fell apart and then suddenly we were deep belly laughing. Neither of us saw it coming. Love can be truly magical sometimes.

I feel more settled in my heart. I’m focusing on my life. I am really stressed out about tomorrow and the the wake it will create, but the big picture things I wrote about last week are ok. They are forgotten but the changes I made in my mind have brought me peace. Also I’ve received some support from some friends and I really needed that.

When I watched the Olympics I was amazed at the hurdlers. How do those women jump do high so fast, so relentlessly? It boggles the mind. Tomorrow is a big hurdle. I am an ostrich so I’m afraid to look at it.

But don’t ostriches also run very, very fast? I have to remind myself.

Anyway, that’s me.

[pudding-parade]

@echoweaver

Figured I'd do this this way instead of adding to the comment pile. :) I should've made a separate post with my whining, but…meh. What's done is done.

But yeah, not so much "medical drama" as just…stuff. I had a liver transplant in September. I haven't specifically talked much about it here because...I don't know. I guess I thought if I didn't talk about it it would be less...I don't want to say "depressing," because I'm not depressed, and I don't want to conflate being temporarily down in the dumps with depression. Maybe "difficult" is the right word.

Anyway...I've needed a transplant for about 10 years, my original having been badly damaged by asymptomatic hepatitis C that I unknowingly had, until the damage started making me really sick. I probably originally contracted it from a blood transfusion I had in the 80s, before they tested donated blood for Hep C. Medication as well as a special diet and supplements helped with the symptoms of a failing liver for a while, but this past spring things started to go downhill more quickly and the meds, etc. weren't helping as much.

I had a matching living donor, a relative of my husband's, who wanted to do it and who was finally approved for it. (She'd been deemed too young before.) And I was at the point of, "Do it now or else you won't be healthy enough later to survive the surgery/recovery." So, I did it. And like I said, I know it will be good in the long run, but right now it just kind of sucks. (Though it is nice to be not quite so yellow. I actually have eye whites now, yay! And I look less like a character from The Simpsons. Also also, I can legitimately say that I'm part Mexican now. LOL )

I'll spare you/everyone the gorier details, but I spent almost three weeks (as opposed to the one-week-or-so that's normal for transplants) in the ICU due to rejection issues (which is why my immunosuppressant dose was very high), and then once finally released I was under a "no contact" rule. As in, no contact with anyone but my husband, who was also not allowed contact with other people or else he wouldn't be allowed contact with me. (Thank goodness DoorDash exists now or I don't know what we would have done for food.) The only time I could leave this place was to go directly to a car to be driven directly to a doctor's office where they have a special process/set-up for people in my situation, and it's just nuts. People who went batty during covid lockdowns had it easy compared to this.

So it's been….rough. I don't really care about not being able to see people so much, frankly, but I do not like being cooped up inside. My latent claustrophobia has become not-so-latent of late. At home, I can sit out on the deck or I can wander about or ride my horse for miles in the wilderness without seeing another soul, but not here in a city. Cities suck. If I'd had more time to arrange things I would've at least rented a place with a patio/balcony, but since it was very short-notice, what we have is the best we could get, and it's not very good.

The good news is it's getting better. My immunosuppressant dosages are being lowered and I have no signs of rejection yet, so… *fingers crossed* And I'm down to twice-a-week appointments instead of literally every weekday. So, as of this past Friday I'm now allowed incidental contact, which means I can walk the streets or be at outdoor venues if I stay away from people, especially children (because they go to day care/school and tend to carry all sorts of interesting illnesses), as much as possible, but I can't be indoors for long periods with lots of people, so no stores, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. But this is why we're considering a zoo trip tomorrow. My doctors probably would consider it more than "incidental contact," but at least it's outdoors, close by, and it shouldn't be too crowded since it's winter and the kids aren't out of school for Christmas yet. They also have wheelchair or scooter rentals, so I don't have to walk the whole thing, and I would just be happy to be out in an environment other than a doctor's office for a day. So, I'm pretty sure we're going to do it. Because fuck it.

But anyway. Yeah, I'm trying to be more active online. It was hard for a while because with a giant healing abdominal incision and bruised-up everything, sitting up for long periods of time was a no-go, but I'm doing much better on that front. I've actually been playing No Man's Sky more than Sims, just because it's a space exploration game that makes me feel more like I'm "out there" than Sims does. But, I'm also trying to get back into the simblr momentum. I want to get back to playing the Random Legacy I started, because I can post about that more easily than the weird-o saves I usually play. LOL It's just hard to feel motivated right now, I guess. But we'll get there.

And you know what? For a movie that's supposed to be a comedy, Lilo & Stitch makes me bawl my eyes out. And that scene that I quoted is the "worst" in that regard. But it's still one of my favorite movies. :)

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

The body wrecker returns

Jason was your typical 22 old man. Always doing what he could to show how much of an alpha he was. But he was bad. Very bad. I had been asked to watch him for a far like I normally do. And I seen it all. Cockiness. Grabbing his dick out in public. Always showing off his body. I even heard him go on a long rant with some of his friends about how much he couldn’t stand Latino people. And I just stood there. Listening. Absorbing all the information I needed to really wreck his body. When he got up to walk back to his car that’s when I got him. And took over. His friends didn’t even know anything was different as I waved goodbye at them while Jason slept in his subconscious mind. On the way home I got hungry for the first time in a long time. Not having a body does that to you. So pulled over and walked into a Mexican restaurant. Jason hated Mexican food. As he sat there scrolling through Jason’s phone he got more information about the body he possessed. Strict schedules he went by. Even on his tumblr page i could see all his likes and even some of his dislikes as i went through chat messages. Jason had some serious issues. Well I literally chuckled as I was about to give him some more. And a lot of them. Before I left the restaurant I had already applied and been approved for 5 credit cards. 10k Max on everyone. Turns out Jason had some really good credit. Too bad he was just an ass hat. He would have been a fun body me to control for a while.

When I got back to Jason’s apartment … or rather mine. I took a picture. I wanted to make sure we had a copy of the progress that I was going to make on him.

Damn I looked good. Again. It’s a shame that Jason was such an ass hole. My first order of business. I made some appointments. Some that Jason would have never made. I had an appointment scheduled tomorrow with the local doctor. And I even messaged my fitness trainer and fired him. There no need for him anymore. He messaged me back saying something about a breach of contract but I just went ahead and blocked him. Not my problem after all right ? I went through my new wardrobe. Muscle shirts. Shorts. Haha anything to show off my hot body. I went ahead and ordered some more food to be delivered to house. Even went to the store next door and got some beer and pigged out. I rubbed my abs the whole time abs chuckled as I poked each one and said “good bye little guy”! I even went ahead and ordered some carbo gain mass gaining shake from online. The next morning I got up and finished the food from the night before. Practicing poking my belly out. I went to the doctor in the socket by building that we agreed to meet at. And when I walked in he just raised an eye brow as he let out a breathe of smoke from his cigarette he was smoking. “You look nothing like what I expected.” We spoke for a little bit about what I am was looking for. Life altering. Permanent. Different. Everything I knew that would get his attention. I had done my homework. Doc had his license taken away for doing life altering operations on people he felt needed punishing. And I was no different. “Doc. In the end. I don’t want to look like this. I want to be entirely different. And that’s all I needed to seal my fate. And shortly after we were already making plans. I gave him 3 of my credit cards for payment. He gave me some medicine to take and my world went dark. I couldn’t wait for this. I woke up my face hurting and I was morning from the pain. “Don’t tell you’ve changed your mind now”. Said the doc as he pressed against my arm. I could feel his hard shaft through his pants. Yeah he really liked changing people. “Of course not. This is what I needed.” He chuckled and said “Good. You’re surgery went much better than I expected. Maybe because you’re so willing .” I sat up and grabbed some glasses. I waived myself out and the doctor only said “let me know when your done with this change you’ve set your mind on. I’d love to see the end “ and with that I gave him the finger pistols.

When I got back to the apartment I had just finished making the biggest Changes for Jason. Now I had to work on everything else. I went online and my favorite boosters were now on the way. I looked in the mirror. Jason I hope you remember you life well because when you’re back in control it will be extremely different. Over the next few weeks while Jason’s face healed i continued to take the bulking agents. Drinking my carbo gaining shakes. Making sure that i was doing specific things to Jason’s body that would last for good. One of the shots that I started taking made my white skin begin to darken. That with some lotion and heavy tanning I started to look like a different race. I was fully prepared for this on day one when I got back to Jason’s apartment. I was going to do everything in my power to make his what he truely hated. A fat Hispanic man. I even started to process to change his name. I thought Jason was too Americanized. Not one that was going to fit this body when I was done. José was more fitting. I took the bandages off at the end of the first month and was shocked. The doctor did good ! Jason would never pass as American again. Plump lips. Accentuated cheek bones. He even changed the way my eyes were. Making them look for Latin. And my nose was the best part. It was no longer thin but bulbous and round. A perfect Latin nose. I was nearing 2 months in this body when I got a call that I had to go ASAP and fix someone else. So with the last few thousand dollars I had I called the doctor again. Again I met him in his hotel room and he was shocked to see the work I had done. I was joe a dark man. One that we oukd easily pass for his panic. And from his previous work I now looked liked one too. “I need you to do something a little drastic to me. See I need you to make this” I cradle my small belly “bigger. And if you can I need you to really fatten up my face. And I need you to really thin this out ” I said pointing to the hair on my head. The doc had a noticeable boner when I said this and of course he agreed to it. Again I took the pill. Right before the doc told me that these would be some seriously permanent change she was about to make. Over the next few days I lay asleep as the doctor change me some more. Adding fat here and there. He had managed to put a sac in my stomach that he continued to add a mixture of his own ingredients to would permanently bull this body up. When he finally pulled out the hose it left a scar on my belly button making it puff out slightly. The mixture over time would sit like cement. Becoming a part of me. Permanently hard and round. My face had ballooned in size. When I did ally walked out the room a few days later I had been successful in making sure that Jason would never pass as American. All his cards now had a new name. Even when I got back to my apartment I seen that I now has a deep male pattern baldness line. I had effectively turned this man from an American into a full blown Hispanic daddy. All at the age of 22. Even though he now looked much older than that. I took one last check to try and shake my dick. Nope. Impossible now. One of the final touches to his transformation. I struggled to put some Speedo’s on but when I did I went to the beech down the street. When I left Jason body he there. Surrounded by people. People he had hated for his whole life. And I made sure he was standing near a mirror. So he could see full and well what he would look like from here on out. When I left him he was crying. My work was done.

April 18th, 2021 8:22pm bodywrecker race change

[41319kbex]

Hell Hath No Fury (13/?)

I’m really glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter and felt it lived up to the expectations. Writing love scenes is honestly one of the hardest things to write to get it to come off the way you want it to and in a way that the readers can picture it. So I’m glad it worked! 

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! I think I messaged everyone back who I could, but if I missed you, I’m sorry and it was not intentional! I honestly try to acknowledge everyone who leaves a review that is not a guest.

I still plan to do a more significant time jump to get through summer, but it’s not going to be in this chapter. This one starts about a week after the last one. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

Still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

“Kate…come back to bed…” Castle whined from where he was lying, still naked, in his bed. 

She chuckled softly as she came out of the bathroom, already wearing her underwear and bra, towel drying her hair. “We talked about this,” she reminded him with a smile, letting her eyes travel over him appreciatively, but she was not going to let herself get pulled back into bed with him now that she’d already had her shower. 

He grumbled with a pout, looking every bit like a petulant child. “I think we should reopen the discussion.”

“Castle, I’m going back to the city. I told you, I have dinner plans with Lanie tonight. I have lunch plans with my dad tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment for my ribs on Tuesday. And this is Alexis’s first week off from school. I know you’ve missed her, and you are going to spend the week with her without me here,” she recapped their discussion for him as she pulled on her jeans. 

“But my doctor said sex was good for my recovery…” he tried with a pout. 

She laughed and shook her head. “Nice try. But rest and recovery days are also an integral part of any exercise regime; your doctor would tell you that too…and after this week with me, I think your body definitely needs a few rest and recovery days,” she smiled. It was true; aside from meals, his therapy appointments, and a few walks along the beach, they had spent most of their time in his bed over the last week. In fact, the reason she still had so many clean clothes in her bag was because they had barely worn clothes at all, and when they had, it hadn’t been for very long. 

He sighed and finally got out of bed, making no move to get dressed though. “I’m going to miss you,” he murmured, gently tugging her hips to him before she could get her shirt on.

She looked up at him with a smile and gently kissed his lips. “I know. But that’s good,” she patted his chest and stepped out of his arms to pull her shirt over her head. 

“How is missing each other a good thing?” he whined, reaching for her again. 

Her arms looped around his neck then as she allowed him to pull her back into his arms. “Because this is still new…for you, for me, and for your family. Being here every day for the rest of the summer is going to be an awful lot like living together…and we are not ready for that; I’m not ready for that…and I highly doubt Alexis is ready for that. We all need some time and space to adjust,” she told him softly, pressing a kiss to his lips to keep him from feeling any kind of sting from her words. 

He breathed deeply when he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers. “Fine.”

She smiled, her fingers gently toying with the soft, baby hairs at the nape of his neck. “I love you. And I will be back at the end of the week, ok?”

“Okay,” he nodded, finally releasing her. 

She moved toward the bathroom, grabbing his boxers off the dresser where they had landed last night and tossing them at his head. “Get dressed while I finish getting ready, so we can have breakfast with your mom and Alexis before I leave.” With that, she disappeared into the bathroom to dry her hair with the hair dryer and fix her makeup. 

xxxxx

The waiter had just brought their margaritas, and Kate had just taken a drink of hers when Lanie spoke. “Alright, so how was it?”

Kate set her drink back down and shook her head, not following what her friend was talking about.

“The sex with Castle,” she eyed her knowingly. “Don’t bother denying it. You had sex. You’re glowing. I know that glow. And judging from your glow, I’d say it’s pretty good.”

Her mouth opened to deny everything, but then she closed it and smiled slightly. Lanie already knew they were together from their last evening together, so she didn’t see the point. Besides, she was happy. “Pretty amazing, actually,” she admitted, taking another drink of her margarita. 

“Oh, amazing, hmm?” Lanie smiled. “So Writer Boy lives up to his reputation?”

Kate smiled slowly. “He’s still on restrictions…we have to be careful because he can’t physically do as much as he wants. But so far…yeah. His reputation is warranted.”

“Girl, if it’s this good now, just wait until you get the full Richard Castle experience,” Lanie grinned, taking a drink from her own margarita. “So I have to ask you…does his ass look as good out of those jeans as it does in them?”

“Better,” Kate answered easily, taking another drink. “Actually, his whole body looks better out of his clothes. So good that we barely spent any time wearing clothes this past week,” she added with a satisfied smile. 

Lanie laughed softly. “Well no wonder you’re all loose and relaxed. See, I told you before…just think of how loose and relaxed you could have been this entire time if you had just jumped that boy from the get go. Sex is a great stress reliever.” Seeing the other woman roll her eyes at that, Lanie smiled. “Seriously, Kate. I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy, and he obviously makes you happy.”

“He does,” she smiled genuinely. “I’m in love with him, Lanie.”

“You act like that’s news,” she smiled. 

Kate shook her head. “No, I mean I’m completely and totally in love with him...to the point that it scares me. He’s it, Lanie. If this doesn’t work out…it’s going to break me.”

Lanie’s eyes softened. “Oh, Sweetie. You just got together with Castle. Why would you already think this won’t work?”

She shrugged. “It’s just what I’ve come to expect, and we’re two very different people. He’s this multi-millionaire best selling author…who has dated models and actresses and could be with any woman he wants. And I’m just this regular cop who has a lot of emotional baggage. I just don’t see how we work in the long term; on paper we don't work at all.”

“Girl, I’ma smack you. Do not sell yourself short, Kate Beckett. You are an incredible woman that any man would be lucky to be with,” Lanie started. “Yes…Castle has dated models and actresses and could have any woman he wants, and do you know who that woman is?" Seeing her friend shake her head, she continued. "You. He’s been crazy about you, probably since the beginning. He based a character on you. He built an entire book series around you. Those books? They’re love letters to you. He knows all about your past and your baggage, and he still thinks you’re extraordinary. He ran into your burning apartment to save you. He took a bullet for you, Kate, without hesitation. That man is just as much in love with you as you are with him,” she continued. “So stop doing that thing you do, where you automatically assume the worst and wait for the other shoe to drop, and just enjoy being happy, being in love with him.”

Kate sighed softly. “We’ve both been doing this dance for 3 years. What happens when the music eventually stops? What if all we were in love with was the dance?”

Lanie reached over to give her friend’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Who says the music will stop? What you and Castle have…it’s magic; yeah, the music might eventually stop. But the music could also keep right on playing, and you could keep dancing with Castle forever. Relationships aren’t lived on paper, Kate. They’re lived in your heart…and from what I’ve seen, both of your hearts want each other. Now I know this goes against everything you believe in, but stop listening to your head on this one thing, and just trust your heart.”

Kate smiled slightly. “Thanks, Lanie.”

“What are best friends for if they can’t talk some sense into you every now and then,” she smiled. 

xxxxx

“Katie!” Jim greeted his daughter with a careful hug, remembering her broken ribs. 

“Hey, Dad,” Kate grinned, hugging her father tightly before sitting in the booth.

“How are you doing? How are your ribs?”

“I’m good. My ribs feel a lot better, actually. I have an appointment in a couple days just to check, but they seem to be fine.”

Jim nodded. “That’s good. So what have you been doing with your time off, Katie? I haven’t really heard from you, but I know you aren’t the type to just sit around. All this time off is driving you crazy, I'm sure.”

Kate smiled slightly. “I’ve spent some time with Lanie. We just had dinner last night, actually,” she started. “I’ve…surprisingly spent some time in bed just relaxing and letting my ribs heal. I’ve been out on my bike a few times…you know I love to ride when I get restless.” Those weren’t complete lies. She had spent a lot of time in bed relaxing…she simply wasn’t telling her father it was in Castle’s bed or the ways in which he was helping her to relax.

“Good for you, Katie. You look great; relaxing is good for you,” he smiled at his daughter. “And how is Castle?”

Before Kate could answer, a waitress showed up to take their order, giving her a little time in which she could think about what exactly she wanted to tell her father. “Castle is recovering well; he at least looks normal now. Actually, he’s at the point where he’s starting to feel better and get restless. He can’t do everything he wants because the doctor has strict orders he has to follow, and he's not exactly the best at following directions.” That seemed innocent enough. “Alexis is out of school, I’m sure she’ll keep him in line. She’s much more mature than he is.”

Jim studied his daughter for a few moments. “So you’ve seen him then,” he commented casually. 

“Well, yeah. He’s my partner. And he saved my life,” she shrugged as though that were explanation enough as to why she'd spent some time with him. 

“So he’s back in the city?” he asked her with a small smile. 

Kate paused slightly. This was not the direction she’d planned on their conversation going. “He’s still in the Hamptons.”

“I see; so you’ve also spent some time in the Hamptons while you’ve been off work. You failed to mention that part earlier,” her father stated with a knowing look. 

“He has a guest room, you know. His house is huge.” Also not complete lies. His house was definitely huge, and she had initially stayed in his guest room...at least the first week. But he didn't need to know the specific details. 

Jim chuckled. “Katie, I told you before, how you want to spend your time and with whom in your personal life is none of my business. As long as he’s good to you, and you’re happy, that’s all I care about. And you look happy…genuinely happy. Whatever you’ve done over the last couple of weeks to be this happy is obviously working for you. You’ll tell me the rest when you’re ready,” he smiled. 

Kate blushed slightly. “I am happy. And there is no ‘rest’ to tell.”

“Did you tell Castle I wanted to take him to dinner?”

She nodded. “I did. And he’s game once he’s back in the city. I’m not sure when he’s coming back, though.”

He nodded. “Well when he’s ready, just let me know.” He took a drink of his coffee then. “So have you thought about spending some time at the cabin? I’ve got some time in a few weeks at the end of June if you want to plan to meet there.”

“That would be nice. Let’s plan on that.”

“And my offer still stands…you should bring Castle with you,” he smiled slightly.

“Dad!”

He laughed, holding up his hands defensively. “I’m just saying that bringing him to the cabin would be a lot easier than waiting until he’s back in the city for me to thank him. If you two really aren’t together, there is still the guest room, you know that. But for what it’s worth? I hope you are together. You deserve some happiness, Katie. I see the way you light up when I mention him, the way you smile when you talk about him, the way you laugh. He’s obviously good for you. He’s much better than your other boyfriends I’ve met. I actually like him.”

Kate blushed again and rolled her eyes. “I’ll think about asking him.”

“That’s all I ask, Katie.”

The rest of lunch was spent with Kate carefully avoiding any topics that could be somehow linked to Castle. Talking with her father about her relationships with men was not something she usually did, at least not until it was something much more serious. Although her relationship with Castle was the most serious she’d ever been about a man, it was still too new for her to talk to her father about. But later that evening when she talked to Castle, she asked him if he felt up to taking a road trip with her to her father’s cabin, and he’d agreed.

xxxxx

So this was a little bit of a break from all the Castle and Beckett togetherness, but I wanted to show Kate getting away some, because she does still need her space. It doesn’t mean she loves Castle any less or wants to be with him any less…but Beckett is still Beckett at her core; that’s not changing. Plus I love Kate’s relationships with Lanie and with her dad, and I love writing those scenes.

Hope you guys liked this one anyway.

[ultimateaclrecovery]

I feel all over the place and not in a good way

My pony wasn’t feeling very well yesterday so I’m worried about her and worried if I did the right things for things for her and just all of it

Me and the bf had a fight Sunday and we mostly made up but I’m still so unsure of everything and want to just not sometimes

There’s so many frisbee things and I’m trying to prioritize my whole and I don’t know if I’m doing it right

My kitchen is still a mess from last weekend and if that isn’t just a summation

I supposed to do a girls day with two friends tomorrow but one of them canceled cuz her grandma is sick, but now I see that her and the other girl are skiing together with their bfs today and like I’m feeling some kind of way about it. Especially because we made these plans literally over a month ago. And idk it just hurts my feelings that she would prioritize hanging with the other girl who she skiis with all the time, and not see me ever, and also the mountains are like two hour drive verses being in town and (presumably) closer to her family stuff.

My riding also said she thinks that I correct her a lot and hurt her feelings sometimes so she thought I was ironic that I was upset that my bf does that to me. And like I had no idea that she felt that way. And I’m having a hard time thinking of times when I’ve corrected her. I’ve asked for clarification on things, and we give each other feedback on riding sometimes, but not usually unprompted. So I guess that’s a thing I need to figure out and am feeling bad about.

Idk it just feels like everything is a little bit wrong. Too many negative feelings and stress and not enough solutions.

I also still need to do my taxes, make a dentist appointment, make a doctors appointment, want to make a hair appointment, want to hire a gardener, (but I reached out to the person who did my hair last time, and the gardener who previously did weeding for me who I wanted to work with again and neither got back to me so it’s not even my fault that I’m behind there but it is my problem.

And my kitchen is a mess. And I’m behind on my strength workouts but I’m so tired and need a nap for like a week.

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

Hell Hath No Fury (13/?)

I’m really glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter and felt it lived up to the expectations. Writing love scenes is honestly one of the hardest things to write to get it to come off the way you want it to and in a way that the readers can picture it. So I’m glad it worked! 

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! I think I messaged everyone back who I could, but if I missed you, I’m sorry and it was not intentional! I honestly try to acknowledge everyone who leaves a review that is not a guest.

I still plan to do a more significant time jump to get through summer, but it’s not going to be in this chapter. This one starts about a week after the last one. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

Still don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

“Kate…come back to bed…” Castle whined from where he was lying, still naked, in his bed. 

She chuckled softly as she came out of the bathroom, already wearing her underwear and bra, towel drying her hair. “We talked about this,” she reminded him with a smile, letting her eyes travel over him appreciatively, but she was not going to let herself get pulled back into bed with him now that she’d already had her shower. 

He grumbled with a pout, looking every bit like a petulant child. “I think we should reopen the discussion.”

“Castle, I’m going back to the city. I told you, I have dinner plans with Lanie tonight. I have lunch plans with my dad tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment for my ribs on Tuesday. And this is Alexis’s first week off from school. I know you’ve missed her, and you are going to spend the week with her without me here,” she recapped their discussion for him as she pulled on her jeans. 

“But my doctor said sex was good for my recovery…” he tried with a pout. 

She laughed and shook her head. “Nice try. But rest and recovery days are also an integral part of any exercise regime; your doctor would tell you that too…and after this week with me, I think your body definitely needs a few rest and recovery days,” she smiled. It was true; aside from meals, his therapy appointments, and a few walks along the beach, they had spent most of their time in his bed over the last week. In fact, the reason she still had so many clean clothes in her bag was because they had barely worn clothes at all, and when they had, it hadn’t been for very long. 

He sighed and finally got out of bed, making no move to get dressed though. “I’m going to miss you,” he murmured, gently tugging her hips to him before she could get her shirt on.

She looked up at him with a smile and gently kissed his lips. “I know. But that’s good,” she patted his chest and stepped out of his arms to pull her shirt over her head. 

“How is missing each other a good thing?” he whined, reaching for her again. 

Her arms looped around his neck then as she allowed him to pull her back into his arms. “Because this is still new…for you, for me, and for your family. Being here every day for the rest of the summer is going to be an awful lot like living together…and we are not ready for that; I’m not ready for that…and I highly doubt Alexis is ready for that. We all need some time and space to adjust,” she told him softly, pressing a kiss to his lips to keep him from feeling any kind of sting from her words. 

He breathed deeply when he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers. “Fine.”

She smiled, her fingers gently toying with the soft, baby hairs at the nape of his neck. “I love you. And I will be back at the end of the week, ok?”

“Okay,” he nodded, finally releasing her. 

She moved toward the bathroom, grabbing his boxers off the dresser where they had landed last night and tossing them at his head. “Get dressed while I finish getting ready, so we can have breakfast with your mom and Alexis before I leave.” With that, she disappeared into the bathroom to dry her hair with the hair dryer and fix her makeup. 

xxxxx

The waiter had just brought their margaritas, and Kate had just taken a drink of hers when Lanie spoke. “Alright, so how was it?”

Kate set her drink back down and shook her head, not following what her friend was talking about.

“The sex with Castle,” she eyed her knowingly. “Don’t bother denying it. You had sex. You’re glowing. I know that glow. And judging from your glow, I’d say it’s pretty good.”

Her mouth opened to deny everything, but then she closed it and smiled slightly. Lanie already knew they were together from their last evening together, so she didn’t see the point. Besides, she was happy. “Pretty amazing, actually,” she admitted, taking another drink of her margarita. 

“Oh, amazing, hmm?” Lanie smiled. “So Writer Boy lives up to his reputation?”

Kate smiled slowly. “He’s still on restrictions…we have to be careful because he can’t physically do as much as he wants. But so far…yeah. His reputation is warranted.”

“Girl, if it’s this good now, just wait until you get the full Richard Castle experience,” Lanie grinned, taking a drink from her own margarita. “So I have to ask you…does his ass look as good out of those jeans as it does in them?”

“Better,” Kate answered easily, taking another drink. “Actually, his whole body looks better out of his clothes. So good that we barely spent any time wearing clothes this past week,” she added with a satisfied smile. 

Lanie laughed softly. “Well no wonder you’re all loose and relaxed. See, I told you before…just think of how loose and relaxed you could have been this entire time if you had just jumped that boy from the get go. Sex is a great stress reliever.” Seeing the other woman roll her eyes at that, Lanie smiled. “Seriously, Kate. I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy, and he obviously makes you happy.”

“He does,” she smiled genuinely. “I’m in love with him, Lanie.”

“You act like that’s news,” she smiled. 

Kate shook her head. “No, I mean I’m completely and totally in love with him...to the point that it scares me. He’s it, Lanie. If this doesn’t work out…it’s going to break me.”

Lanie’s eyes softened. “Oh, Sweetie. You just got together with Castle. Why would you already think this won’t work?”

She shrugged. “It’s just what I’ve come to expect, and we’re two very different people. He’s this multi-millionaire best selling author…who has dated models and actresses and could be with any woman he wants. And I’m just this regular cop who has a lot of emotional baggage. I just don’t see how we work in the long term; on paper we don't work at all.”

“Girl, I’ma smack you. Do not sell yourself short, Kate Beckett. You are an incredible woman that any man would be lucky to be with,” Lanie started. “Yes…Castle has dated models and actresses and could have any woman he wants, and do you know who that woman is?" Seeing her friend shake her head, she continued. "You. He’s been crazy about you, probably since the beginning. He based a character on you. He built an entire book series around you. Those books? They’re love letters to you. He knows all about your past and your baggage, and he still thinks you’re extraordinary. He ran into your burning apartment to save you. He took a bullet for you, Kate, without hesitation. That man is just as much in love with you as you are with him,” she continued. “So stop doing that thing you do, where you automatically assume the worst and wait for the other shoe to drop, and just enjoy being happy, being in love with him.”

Kate sighed softly. “We’ve both been doing this dance for 3 years. What happens when the music eventually stops? What if all we were in love with was the dance?”

Lanie reached over to give her friend’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Who says the music will stop? What you and Castle have…it’s magic; yeah, the music might eventually stop. But the music could also keep right on playing, and you could keep dancing with Castle forever. Relationships aren’t lived on paper, Kate. They’re lived in your heart…and from what I’ve seen, both of your hearts want each other. Now I know this goes against everything you believe in, but stop listening to your head on this one thing, and just trust your heart.”

Kate smiled slightly. “Thanks, Lanie.”

“What are best friends for if they can’t talk some sense into you every now and then,” she smiled. 

xxxxx

“Katie!” Jim greeted his daughter with a careful hug, remembering her broken ribs. 

“Hey, Dad,” Kate grinned, hugging her father tightly before sitting in the booth.

“How are you doing? How are your ribs?”

“I’m good. My ribs feel a lot better, actually. I have an appointment in a couple days just to check, but they seem to be fine.”

Jim nodded. “That’s good. So what have you been doing with your time off, Katie? I haven’t really heard from you, but I know you aren’t the type to just sit around. All this time off is driving you crazy, I'm sure.”

Kate smiled slightly. “I’ve spent some time with Lanie. We just had dinner last night, actually,” she started. “I’ve…surprisingly spent some time in bed just relaxing and letting my ribs heal. I’ve been out on my bike a few times…you know I love to ride when I get restless.” Those weren’t complete lies. She had spent a lot of time in bed relaxing…she simply wasn’t telling her father it was in Castle’s bed or the ways in which he was helping her to relax.

“Good for you, Katie. You look great; relaxing is good for you,” he smiled at his daughter. “And how is Castle?”

Before Kate could answer, a waitress showed up to take their order, giving her a little time in which she could think about what exactly she wanted to tell her father. “Castle is recovering well; he at least looks normal now. Actually, he’s at the point where he’s starting to feel better and get restless. He can’t do everything he wants because the doctor has strict orders he has to follow, and he's not exactly the best at following directions.” That seemed innocent enough. “Alexis is out of school, I’m sure she’ll keep him in line. She’s much more mature than he is.”

Jim studied his daughter for a few moments. “So you’ve seen him then,” he commented casually. 

“Well, yeah. He’s my partner. And he saved my life,” she shrugged as though that were explanation enough as to why she'd spent some time with him. 

“So he’s back in the city?” he asked her with a small smile. 

Kate paused slightly. This was not the direction she’d planned on their conversation going. “He’s still in the Hamptons.”

“I see; so you’ve also spent some time in the Hamptons while you’ve been off work. You failed to mention that part earlier,” her father stated with a knowing look. 

“He has a guest room, you know. His house is huge.” Also not complete lies. His house was definitely huge, and she had initially stayed in his guest room...at least the first week. But he didn't need to know the specific details. 

Jim chuckled. “Katie, I told you before, how you want to spend your time and with whom in your personal life is none of my business. As long as he’s good to you, and you’re happy, that’s all I care about. And you look happy…genuinely happy. Whatever you’ve done over the last couple of weeks to be this happy is obviously working for you. You’ll tell me the rest when you’re ready,” he smiled. 

Kate blushed slightly. “I am happy. And there is no ‘rest’ to tell.”

“Did you tell Castle I wanted to take him to dinner?”

She nodded. “I did. And he’s game once he’s back in the city. I’m not sure when he’s coming back, though.”

He nodded. “Well when he’s ready, just let me know.” He took a drink of his coffee then. “So have you thought about spending some time at the cabin? I’ve got some time in a few weeks at the end of June if you want to plan to meet there.”

“That would be nice. Let’s plan on that.”

“And my offer still stands…you should bring Castle with you,” he smiled slightly.

“Dad!”

He laughed, holding up his hands defensively. “I’m just saying that bringing him to the cabin would be a lot easier than waiting until he’s back in the city for me to thank him. If you two really aren’t together, there is still the guest room, you know that. But for what it’s worth? I hope you are together. You deserve some happiness, Katie. I see the way you light up when I mention him, the way you smile when you talk about him, the way you laugh. He’s obviously good for you. He’s much better than your other boyfriends I’ve met. I actually like him.”

Kate blushed again and rolled her eyes. “I’ll think about asking him.”

“That’s all I ask, Katie.”

The rest of lunch was spent with Kate carefully avoiding any topics that could be somehow linked to Castle. Talking with her father about her relationships with men was not something she usually did, at least not until it was something much more serious. Although her relationship with Castle was the most serious she’d ever been about a man, it was still too new for her to talk to her father about. But later that evening when she talked to Castle, she asked him if he felt up to taking a road trip with her to her father’s cabin, and he’d agreed.

xxxxx

So this was a little bit of a break from all the Castle and Beckett togetherness, but I wanted to show Kate getting away some, because she does still need her space. It doesn’t mean she loves Castle any less or wants to be with him any less…but Beckett is still Beckett at her core; that’s not changing. Plus I love Kate’s relationships with Lanie and with her dad, and I love writing those scenes.

Hope you guys liked this one anyway.

[literalbirdperson]

So I'm going to tell the story of my yesterday, which started with an appointment with an ENT and ended with me in the ER. I'm doing this in bullet points, because I am very tired. (Also incredibly angry, but that might be adding to the tiredness.)

1:00 PM. Check in at the new doctor's. The facility is clean and bright, and all the staff are really friendly! That's always nice.

Meet the ENT I was referred to. I like him immediately. He's got a really relaxed, informal manner, but also very clearly knows his stuff.

Talk about surgical history, since I've had several nose and sinus procedures.

Since one of the reasons I am there for ear pain and recurring sinus issues, he starts the exam. Ears look great, he says! The pain is probably referred pain from my mouth. Do I grind my teeth? Yeah, I used to, but I might be again due to The Maladies.

He checks the back of my throat. "Oh, you have tonsil stones?"

"I... I do?"

Then he pulls out the horrible snake camera, and I resign myself to discomfort while he tours my nose and sinuses. I watch the screen and make very attractive "man was not meant to feel something pressing against a sinus wall" noises while he digs around.

Investigation over, he gives me a tour! Everything is about what I expected, he shows me old surgery sites, and then scrubs the footage forward a bit and goes "but here's where your problem is."

See, the other problem is, I keep spitting out these awful discs of dried mucus. And they stink!

Well. It turns out that I have a chronic infection in my adenoids. And what I keep spitting out is from there. I'll spare you the details.

Gross! But treatment should be pretty simple if it's staph, which it usually is. A couple of rounds of antibiotics usually knocks it out. If not, we'll culture it and go from there.

"So my throat has been infected for over two years?"

"Maybe even a lot longer than that!"

So we have a game plan. His assistant checks me out, hands me some papers and says "here's your record and a paper copy of your prescription, but we faxed it to your pharmacy as well."

2:00PM. The pharmacy app isn't showing them working on the RX.

3:00PM. I call them to see what's going on, get into a verbal fight with the phone tree, am finally allowed to leave a message. I am polite!

3:15PM. Pharmacist calls back. "We don't have an RX for that medication for you." Cool. I'll check with the Dr and have him re-fax. Oh! I have a paper copy of the-- there is no RX in my discharge papers, either. Fine. Calling.

3:30PM. There's nothing to re-fax, either, as the prescription was never even entered into my medical records! They are so sorry about the oversight, this is being flagged as high priority and his assistant will call you to let you know when it's been faxed to the pharmacy.

5:00PM. Why did I think something was going to go right for me medically? Why? Why me? Exhausted chronically ill/disabled breakdown incoming.

5:13PM. Text from pharmacy. They're working on the RX. It will be ready by noon tomorrow. Do you need it sooner? [YES]

5:15PM. Your prescription is ready.

5:30PM. Emotional collapse staved off for another day. Go to get RXs, with plans to stop to get ramen with spouse across the street from the pharmacy and enjoy the week being over.

5:45PM. Pharmacy tech tells me to go to the consult window if I want to talk about the antibiotic. Since it's completely new, I head over.

5:55PM. Pharmacist storms over, very clearly annoyed, and at me, not in general. Makes direct eye contact with me and starts reading me, word for word, the information on the bottle like I am a small child who can't read. I just wanted to know if there were any worrisome side effects.

Tell her to "have a good night!" She scoffs, literally holds up her hand in a "shut the fuck up" gesture and storms off.

Me and my spouse: "Huh. That was weird."

6:00PM. Take first dose of antibiotics with dinner to help keep stomach upset to a minimum.

7:00PM. Hives break out on my forehead. Then my thigh. Then my arms. Then suddenly my skin is bright red, bumpy, and burning literally everywhere.

That's not good. So I start looking up Bactrim side effects, since the pharmacist didn't deign to tell me. Discover I am having an allergic reaction, but only need to go the ER if my lips and face begin to swell, my vision gets blurry, or I have heart palpitations.

8:00PM. Lips are tingly. Look in mirror. I am lobster red and my face is swollen, as are my lips! I take two benedryl and both my inhalers, and we start looking for which ER to go to.

While we're looking, throat starts to swell. Swallowing is becoming impossible. Closest ER it is, even though I fucking hate it there. But it's a mile away and I want to be where the adrenaline and intubation kits are in case this keeps getting worse.

I am going to regret that decision.

Am forced to go through security and submit to a bag check before I can enter the ER itself. While actively struggling to breathe, which is distressing to both me and the guard.

Receptionist asks what I am there for. "I'm having an allergic response to an antibiotic. I can't breathe well."

She hands me a ten-page thick clipboard and tells me to fill it out, and then she'll get me in the queue.

What queue? There are TWO OTHER PEOPLE HERE. (See, everyone hates this hospital.)

So I start struggling to fill out the paperwork, but I am now to the blurred vision, mental confusion state. I keep having to pause to gasp for breath, and my penmanship is fucked because my hands are shaky from either albuterol or fear.

Spouse walks the paperwork back over to the receptionist.

We spend another 15 minutes sitting there while I am gasping for breath and grabbing at my throat every time I try to swallow because it feels like I'm being STRANGLED.

Nurse comes out to bring me back. We get intercepted by an angry man who has been watching me slowly dying but is still pissed because he got there first.

Nurse takes the time to explain to him what triage is while spouse literally holds me up.

I get a bed. Nurse tells me I'm having a classic allergic reaction and I'll probably be right as rain after some steroids. Hooks me up to all the monitors, tells me the doctor will be right in.

Doctor comes in. Listens to my lungs. Tells me my throat is not swollen even though she tried to grab to hold me upright when trying to swallow made me look like a gagging cat. But, my lungs are clear! Tells me they're going to monitor me to make sure I don't get worse, but she doesn't see anything to worry about.

LADY MY SKIN IS AS RED AS A VAMPIRE'S FAVORITE PAINT SWATCH FOR THEIR BEDROOM REMODEL.

She leaves. another nurse with the bedside manner of someone who enjoys kicking puppies walks in and starts taking my blood pressure.

The alarms go off.

"He put the cuff on wrong," he mutters, then wraps it so hard it hurts and runs it again.

The alarms go off.

"Do you have high blood pressure?" Mildly. NOT LIKE THIS.

"I'm going to go get the doctor." He leaves. He does not turn off the shrieking blood pressure machine.

10 minutes later: it's still screaming. Nobody has come by.

20 minutes later: see above.

30 minutes later: see above, except this time I start my stopwatch.

1 minute later: I get up and turn the fucking thing off, then unhook myself from everything.

40 minutes later: I am now itching so badly that I am scratching my arms bloody.

45 minutes after that, Puppykicker comes back in. "You ready to go home?"

Me, unnaturally red with hives so intricate that there are probably braille words on me, no longer struggling for breath, but 100% more bloody than I was when he walked out of the room an hour and 40 minutes ago: "Actually I'd like to speak with the doctor. I'd like to discuss steroids, since I am itchy."

"I'll go get her." Sure, Jan.

5 minutes later: Puppykicker comes in with a glass of water and a tiny cup of MASSIVE prednisone pills. "Here's 50mg prednisone. She says you're ready to be discharged."

The doctor. Is giving me. 50mg prednisone. Without speaking to me to see if I am allergic to it. When I came in with a severe allergic medication reaction. And is going to discharge me rather than wait around to see if I'll be ok.

Nurse watches me choke and struggle to take the pills. Because we're also giving an oral steroid to the bitch who can't swallow. Puppykicker does NOT care.

At that point, risking it and calling an ambulance if my throat closed up again was more worth it than staying there. Went home, stayed up long enough to confirm I am not going to start gasping for breath again. Passed out for two hours, got woken up by all 3 cats fighting over who gets to be in my lap. I have been taking two benedryl every 4h for the itching/hives and while my skin is its normal color again, everything itches so bad.

So my ENT is going to get a fun surprise on Monday when I inform him that the meds I had to fight to actually obtain have now left me with a hospital bill.

I also made an appt with my PCP, because this is the second medication since May that has done this to me. And they are not even remotely related to one another.

I guess what's 3 more days of living with a throat infection I've had for months, at a minimum?

[eolewyn1010]

Ok, I'm trying to resume this as I remember it being a way to hold myself a little accountable. Let's go over this day for a bit.

Things that went good:

I brushed my teeth twice, not just in the morning. Time to make that a habit instead of an occasional thing.

I did not give in to the munchies again. It's the antidepressant's fault that I'm hungrier than I used to be, but I don't need to go hog every time.

I did not stay in bed. I kept sitting in one spot for most of the day, but it was not the bed. Hurray for sleeping hygienics.

Getting used to drinking a lot of tea and water again, and whaddayaknow, I'm less snippy when I'm not dehydrated.

Things that went not so good:

I didn't get up when my phone alarm rang. I'm trying to get up earlier again, in tandem with going to bed earlier, but I have yet to condition myself to also feel obliged to get up and not sleep in.

I stayed in my nightshirt all day. When I'm not going anywhere and also have the excuse of warm weather, I don't really get dressed at home. I should, tho. Get used to the adulting, and habits are built day by day.

My mom and sis pissed me off just before dinner. Sulking! Is Not! The Way To Go! Next time, talk about it immediately; maybe salvage the situation and eat with them.

I still have two separate pending messages on Discord that I should have replied to. Very kind ones, too. I don't want to be rude to my writing friends; I just didn't know what to say. I need to rectify that once my brain doesn't get so panicked at the thought of social interactions.

Things I could do tomorrow:

Get dressed. I really need to get used to a sort of working day routine.

The dishes. Aside from vacuuming, it's the one chore I consistently shirk, but with the warm weather, that shit gets smelly after a day or two. It'll only take 5-10 minutes, I know that.

Calisthenics. I've been through my routine twice last week; there's no reason why I couldn't at least go for it once this week.

Reply to the two messages on Discord. If I can't think of a novel, I don't need to write a novel. Just reply.

Things that I could do these days:

I asked my mom to repair the toilet hinge on Saturday morning before she goes out. It's one of the things on our collective list that has been lying around for months, and it's been bothering me that we never get anything done from that list, so it's nice to have a tiny lil appointment for that. Baby steps.

My antidepressant is running out, so I need to go to my doctor next week for a new prescription. The lady who picks up the phone was very nice the last time, so I won't be terribly afraid.

I wanna get my friend in on a movie night, watch and judge the rest of Charité with them.

When I've rewatched it, I'll probably be in the mood to rant a bit; that would be a nice chance to get the last two drafts about the new season finished and blogged.

Have a look at one [1] of the waiting prompts in my inbox. No, not both of them at the same time, brain, just one.

[maybege]

Unexpectedly Expecting

Summary: You have big news and Paz doesn’t know what to do. (Part 6 of LPOH)

Pairing: biker!Paz Vizsla x fem!teacher!Reader

Wordcount: 4.2k | Rating: E (18+ only!)

Warnings: Modern AU, Biker AU, pregnancy stuff, slight angst, mentions of bad parenting and addiction

I kind of forgot that I had a whole chapter for biker!Paz still complete in the drafts so I thought I would celebrate the start of fall (and my soon tk be birthday) with a new chapter. We now get into the main plot stuff and I just want to put in a disclaimer that I have never been pregnant and therefore the depiction of pregnancy will be very inaccurate and just give the kind of romcom vibes that we need lol. As always please let me know what you thought in a comment or reblog ❤

masterlist | crossposted on AO3

“For the last time, you cannot come with us!”

“Meow!”

“Kitten,” he warned, seeing the little cat climb her way back into his duffel bag.

At first, he had thought that it was the colourfully patterned socks (a gag gift from Grogu and Din for one Winterfest) that had caught her attention. But as he had removed the offending piece of clothing to his bed and Kitten had stayed curled up in his packed bag, he knew that she simply did not want him to leave.

Which had led to the discussion they were currently having.

“That hut is not a safe place for kittens,” he heard himself say, scooping her up and placing her on the floor, “You will stay with Grogu and Fennec.”

Kitten climbed back onto the bed, eyeing the bag as if she was calculating the best place to jump into it.

He sat down with a sigh, knowing that it would be futile to fight with her. “C’mere.”

She purred, climbing onto his knees and curling up. His fingers disappeared into her fur, petting her as he thought about the weekend ahead. Years ago, he never would have thought that he would have a girlfriend(?) to bring with him to a weekend trip with his friends.

And now here he was, packing his pack so he could pick you up first thing tomorrow and drive with you to the coast. He smiled.

The ringing of his phone forced him into action and he practically fell over his feet as he reached for the blinking device.

“Hey, everything alright?”

“I am so sorry, Paz,” you mumbled, sounding struck down, “I think I must’ve caught a bug or something from the kids but I,” another pause, “I don’t think I can come with you today.”

“Do you want me to stay?” 

The words were out of his mouth so quickly, it was almost like an instinct. You chuckled weakly and he felt something tugging in his chest at the way you sounded so pained. You did not sound well. At all.

“Thank you for asking,” you replied, “But I don’t think I would be very good company today. I have the doctor’s appointment this afternoon and then I think I will just need to rest for the weekend.”

Something in him wanted to ask if you were sure. That he could stay with you, no problem. He had Boba on speed dial, after all, it would take less than a minute to pull out of the trip and then make his way to your house.

But he also knew that whatever it was between the two of you, it had not been going on for very long. Barely two months. Could that be considered long? It felt like an eternity for him, certainly after the long years he had been without a partner. But objectively … could two, three months even be considered a relationship?

“Are – are you angry?”

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts.

“No!” he protested quickly, Kitten jumping from his lap in fright, “Sorry, I was just lost in thought. It’s okay for you to stay home, love, just – just text me if you need anything?”

He could hear your tired smile, his heart strings thrumming. “You can’t send me food from up the coast, Paz.”

“No but I’d drive home,” he replied, “I could get you some soup, some tea and, uh, those salty cracker things you like so much.”

You chuckled, sounding tired and sad and his heart clenched. “You’re the best, Paz, enjoy your tip, okay? And give Kitten lots of scritches from me.”

*

You: Hey, can you come over when you’re back? We need to talk.

He had been staring at the notification for three hours now, not even daring to open the text so you couldn’t see that he had read it. We need to talk. That was never a good sign, was it?

What did you want to talk about? Had you changed your mind?

Three days by the coast, surrounded by his friends and family, all seemed like a waste of time now that he knew something bad was about to happen. Stars, he felt stupid now. How happy he had been to see you again, to tell you al about his weekend, to tell you how he had spoken abut you to the others. How happy Ahsoka had been to hear that the new teacher was doing well.

“Why the face?” Din sat down next to him at Ahsoka’s breakfast table, “You look like Kitten just ran away.”

Paz tilted the screen so his friend could see the notification, “She wants to talk.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Paz sighed, “Oh.”

*

He knocked on your door, taking a deep breath. Whatever would end up happening, he would get over it. He could live with it. The most important thing was that he could remain your friend. That you would be happy and he somehow still had a chance to see that.

The door swung open and he swallowed when he saw how sick you looked. You were wearing your pyjamas, still, the fuzzy ones with cookies printed all over them. And it looked like you had cried and his heart ached.

“Hey,” he smiled quietly, holding up the bag, “I, uh, I brought you some soup.”

“Thank you,” you smiled, your hand still on the doorknob, “Would you like to come in for a coffee or something?”

He swallowed again, his dry throat protesting at the movement, “Sure.”

You both were silent as you made your way to the kitchen and he followed you like a lost puppy with the soup in his hands. He noticed the dirty dishes in the sink, the blinds half closed even though it was bright daylight out.

“That bug really got to you, huh?”

He tried to hide the way how nervous he was and set the takeout bag on the free space on your kitchen table. The coffee machine whirred to live and he watched as you grabbed a mug from the cupboard and setting it under the machine.

Your silence did not go unnoticed by him and something in him already regretted accepting the cup of coffee. The slow drip of it made him even more nervous, skittish somehow, as he tried to prepare for the inevitable. For your rejection. For playing like this had meant just as little to him as it had to you. For playing like his heart did not shatter into a million pieces.

“So how –“

The cup cluttered and he watched as coffee spilled all over the counter. He wanted to reach out to you, kiss your fingertips and ask you what was wrong. Why your hands were shaking just like his heart. Why you looked so afraid.

“I’m pregnant Paz.”

“What?”

“I’m pregnant,” you repeated, taking a deep breath, “I know that this is – this is a shock and please just, just listen to me, okay?”

Feeling completely dumbfounded, he nodded.

“I am pregnant and I know it is yours. I take the pill and I don’t know how – how this could’ve happened but I’m definitely pregnant. In the third month too,” you added, “And I have decided that I would like to keep the baby. I know this is not ideal and this is not something you signed up for. And … I guess I just wanted to let you know. I understand if you’re not ready for that kind of commitment yet or if you didn’t see this relationship go anywhere. I promise I won’t bother you with it too much. But you have a right to know and –“

“Are you well?” he blurted out, interrupting your rushed monologue. He felt bad because he wanted you to know that he listened to you but in all this hurry, the panic in your voice had just sounded more and more prominent and what

You tilted your head, questions in your eyes, and he cleared his throat, trying to get his words out better than before.

“Do – are you sick, I mean?” he clarified, rubbing the back of his neck, “Do – do you want to sit down or have a water or –“

“I’m fine, Paz,” you smiled, “Thank you for asking. I’m – I’m just nervous, I guess.”

“Yeah,” he huffed out, his heart beating a mile a minute, “Me too.”

Silence.

His brain was still trying to catch up on the information you had just provided.

Pregnant.

You were pregnant. With his child.

A baby would change everything and it was like he could watch his entire world turn upside down in front of him.

“I know this is a lot of information, Paz,” you said soothingly, your hand landing on his forearm and he hated how you looked at him as if he would push you away, “I just – Please take the time to think about this, okay?”

“Yeah, I,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry, this is – it’s a lot. I thought –“

“Thought what?”

“I thought you called me here to, uh, to break up.”

“That’s the last thing on my mind,” you smiled sadly, “But it might not be on yours.”

*

“What’s gotten into you, big guy?”

Ten hours later, Paz still felt like the world was reeling around him. He did not even know how he had gotten to the bar or what he had done in between listening to your words and sitting in front of a pint of beer, looking at the foam as if that would give him the answers he needed.

“She’s pregnant,” he said lamely, still staring at his hands. Everything felt like it was moving so fast and he was stuck in place, his heart tugging between pure elation and straight panic in a roller coaster of emotions that made him want to throw up, “She – she is pregnant.”

“Is it yours?”

“Of course, it is,” he hissed, turning to glare at his older friend and boss.

But Boba did not seem to be fazed. The older man simply met his stare, calmly taking a swig of his beer. “You barely dated, what, three months?” he guessed, “I wanted to make sure.”

“She’s not like that,” Paz muttered under his breath, his heart feeling strangely warm when thinking of you. Anger at Boba was at the forefront because how could he – Boba knew you for fuck’s sake! He knew how important you were to him. “She – We – There is no one else. Won’t be any one else, either.”

“Man, you are head over heels already, huh?”

He did not say anything. The truth was, yes, he was. Hopelessly so. Ever since he had first seen you at school it seemed like life had gotten so much lighter. Maybe it was too early to call it love but his heart was counting the days until he could tell you what he felt for you.

“And now a baby?” Boba probed further, “What did she say?”

“She said she wanted me to know about it,” he recalled slowly, barely able to piece everything together from memory, “That, uh, she wants to keep it, either way. And she did not want to break up with me.”

“Glad we got that covered,” Din said dryly and Paz threw him a glare. But the dark haired man simply shrugged and raised his beer to his lips, half looking at the football game that was shown on the TV in the corner.

“What? Every time I see you two together it is hard to say who has more heart eyes for the other – you or her,” he mumbled absentmindedly, “The last thing I thought she would do was break up and I was proven right.”

“Taking all emotions out of this, she is doing the right thing, I think,” Boba said, “She made her decision and now she is offering you the choice if and how you want to be involved in your child’s life.”

Your child.

“Why are you all so much fucking calmer than I am about this?” Paz asked, taking a big swig of his beer, trying to let the bitter taste wash away the anxiety that bubbled up. As if that had ever worked.

“I – Shit, Boba look at me,” he growled, resting his forehead on his hand, “I never thought I would be a dad. Not with my family, not with this town and now – “

“Now you have a chance to experience it,” the older man nodded in understanding, leaning back against the low backrest of the barstool. He had crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking as serious as ever and just like always, Paz had trouble recognizing how his friend actually felt. “Do you think you are ready for a kid?”

Paz scoffed, “We all know Djarin is the only one I ever would entrust a kid with.”

Din made a sound at the back of his throat, rubbing his beard. “Paz, it was you who took care of Grogu those first few weeks. Yes, he is my son and but don’t tell me you wouldn’t have been ready to adopt him if I had not.”

“And what about her?”

Remembering Boba’s previous implied question about your fidelity, Paz perked up, ready to come to your defence in case his friend decided to be stupid again. “What about her?”

Boba shrugged, “What do you feel for her? Yes, a baby is a big responsibility but there is also the question of who you are raising that child with.”

He relaxed at the question, nodding in thought. “She will be a great mom,” he murmured, thinking of the way you had laughed with Grogu in the car, how gentle and understanding you were with your students. Honestly, if you hadn’t been pregnant now, he doubted it would have taken him long to have the first thought of you holding his child.

But that was the problem. You weren’t going to be the only parent. That was his child as well.

“You both know my family,” he sighed, avoiding the mustering stares of Boba and Din, “You know about my father. That man was an asshole and a drunk addicted to poker. How can I,” he took a deep breath, finally voicing his fears as his voice broke, “How can I ever be better than that?”

Memories came rushing back. Of the fun summers in his uncle’s garage. Of the horrible winters at home, how sad his mother had been, trying her best to make up for a mostly-absent father. Of the moments his father hadn’t been absent but instead chosen to destroy any confidence his son had.

A heavy hand landed on his back and Paz flinched, blinking before finding Boba’s dark eyes. “I know what you are thinking,” the man said, “But you are not your father, Paz Vizsla, and you never have been. You are already so much better than him by trying to be honest with yourself. The question is do you want what your father did to you keep you from having the life you want?”

Curse Boba and his occasional words of wisdom.

“What are you thinking?” Din asked him, watching, curiously as Paz stood up, fiddling to his jacket over his arms.

“I’m taking a personal day tomorrow.”

Boba grinned, probably already knowing what was going in his head. “Don’t you have that Whistledown car inspection schooled?”

“Then I’ll come in later, I don’t care,” he muttered, slapping a few bills on the counter, “I need to talk to her.”

*

It was way too late and when the cab passed your street, he saw that all the lights were out. That when it hit home that maybe it was way too late to talk to you. (3am the dashboard clock let him know.) Besides, he had had too much to drink and could not think straight. He could wait.

And wait he did. Paz had never slept as badly as in that night, getting up at 6am to take a shower and prep breakfast, his hands trembling excitement and nervousness. For a moment, he lamented that Kitten had decided to stay at the garage (Boba had bribed her with treats, of that he was sure) but on second thought he would probably have driven her crazy with his pacing and tossing and turning.

No, he could wait.

He was out the door at 6:10am, making his way to the bar from last night to pick up his bike. This was too early still, he tried to tell himself, he did not want to seem like a maniac when he standing in front of your door. He wanted to look responsible and thoughtful and mature and –

Passing the gas station, he decided to turn around, his bike roaring under him.

Maybe a coffee would help settle his nerves.

*

You felt like shit and by now you were sure that both your heart and your stomach had decided to riot at the same time as you sobbed into the toilet, your gagging turning into dry heaving when your stomach had no more contents to throw up.

Cold sweat had built up on your forehead and you tried to remember Doctor Kaida’s words that ginger tea could sometimes help. You just needed to be able to make it to the kitchen.

You sniffled, flushing the toilet before quickly splashing some cold water on your face and trying to rinse your mouth of the acid taste that seemed to have burned itself into your throat. At least you had not gotten dressed yet, it would have been so much worse if you would have to think of another outfit to wear.

A look in the mirror reminded you that your feeling of misery did its best to be translated on the outside and you felt tears prick in your eyes again. You did not know what you had expected Paz to do and you tried to reason with yourself that he needed the time. Stars, it hadn’t even been 24 hours since you had told him about the pregnancy. You had had a whole weekend to think about it, it was only fair that you would award him that same courtesy.

But that was said so much easier than done when all you wanted was to just spend time with him. You wanted to be with him, every second of every day, and spend weekends on the couch with Kitten on your lap and, later on, with your baby.

A real baby.

You slipped your dress over your head, making sure it fell right before pulling on your tights. There was no hint of a baby belly yet but according to the internet there would be – soon. Which meant that not only would you have to tell your students about it but also their parents. And most importantly your boss.

Another wave of anxiety washed over you and you felt your stomach rumble. Principal Gideon would not be pleased, that was for sure, especially since you had just started working at the school. You just weren’t sure if it was going to be the pregnancy itself or rather the father of your baby who would be the thorn in his eyes.

You pressed your lips together, refusing to be late for school, when you made your way out of the house, bringing your little bag with you. Already, you had started a countdown in your head of how many hours were left of the work day. It being Monday, maybe you could get away with giving the kids some own occupational time where they could work on their art projects? That would at least give you a bit of respite and time to plan the next few days ahead.

You opened the door, immediately forgetting if you had packed your lunch or not and if you had forgotten it, did you have enough change to get a quick bite at the sandwich shop? And why was there a bike in your driveway?

You blinked in confusion, your hand tightening round the key in your hand until you recognized the dark blue paint on the bike, slightly chipped in places but generally well taken care of. Paz. It was Paz who was standing beside said bike, looking a little worse for wear but most importantly nervous. He was nervous.

The large man spotted you, straightening his posture and you smiled when you saw that he seemed to have put a bit more effort into his appearance. His hair was curly and fluffy, like when he had just stepped out of the shower, and you spotted a little patch on his denim jacket where there previously had been an oil stain. And you had never seen that flannel on him before …

“I, uh, I did not know what kind of flowers you liked,” he brought out, holding a little bouquet out in front of him. The clear plastic crinkled and you recognized the sticker from the little flower shop down by the gas station and you smiled.

“Thank you,” you said, your heart beating so fast you almost forgot how horrible the morning had gone. You walked closer, trying to hide the trembling in your hands as you reached out to take it from him. His fingers brushed yours and you both paused and you watched his fingers flex, carefully skimming over the inside of your wrist.

Stars, how you had missed his touch.

Paz shuffled and you noted he still had one hand behind him. You tilted your head, seeing something brown and furry behind his back.

“Is that a stuffie?” you asked, your heart skipping a beat.

He looked at you as if he didn’t understand the question before gathering himself, bringing his other hand in front of him. It was a small dark brown teddy bear with a little red bow tie and it looked like the softest thing you had ever seen. “Uh, yeah,” he said, taking in a deep breath, “Babies like soft things and I had this one teddy bear that my uncle gave me that I loved and I thought the baby might need one, too, and – and, uh,” he looked at you, “I want in. Like, all in.”

“All in?” you whispered, tears pricking your eyes and you could not help your hand landing on your belly, “Like, for real?”

Paz looked at you with wide eyes, nodding eagerly. “For real, sweetheart. All in.”

You sniffled, your mouth pulled wide in a grin as the first tear ran down your cheek. “I’m going to find some water for these,” you held up the flowers, “You want to come inside? I’ve got a few minutes to spare.”

The dark haired man nodded, following you and you could not hide the emotion on your face. Paz wanted this. He wanted this with you.

As soon as the door closed behind him and you were both shielded from the curious eyes of your neighbours, Paz was in front of you, his heavy hands on your shoulders.

“I am sorry that I wasn’t better at taking in the information,” he apologized, eyes searching yours, a furrow between his brows when he spotted the tears, “You’re, stars, you’re pregnant, sweetheart, and I should’ve been happy and not disappeared on you and I promise –“

“Paz, hey,” you interrupted him gently, your hand coming up to his chest, “You are allowed to panic. Stars know I panicked, too. But I’m,” you lowered your eyes, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks, “I’m really happy that you’re here.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice soft. His hands came up to frame your face, making you look at him and he was so … he looked so happy, it made your heart clench.

“Yeah,” you grinned, breathing out a laugh and he did too.

“Can I kiss you, love?” he asked quietly, his nose brushing against yours and even with the softness of the teddy bear against your back and the flowers in your hand, you did not even hesitate a second.

“Yes please,”

And he did.

It was soft and slow and absolutely perfect. His hands were pulling you closer, the stubble on his chin slightly scratching the sensitive skin of your jaw as his lips moved against yours, coaxing your mouth open so he could slide his tongue over yours.

Your breath hitched, whining when he pulled away from you.

“Can I drive you to work?” he asked, breathless, “I – I could pick you up and we could eat dinner or something.”

You nodded, biting your lips and you were so close he could feel your body heat through your cardigan and he wanted to raise your baby together. He wanted you. He wanted all of this. This was the best Monday ever.

“I’d like that,” you nodded quickly, “We – we could talk some more about all of this?”

“That sounds wonderful,” he kissed your neck, “We could order in from the diner?”

You groaned, “Paz Vizsla, you are the best man on earth.”