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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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Demon Brothers Comfort an MC with Depression

As somebody who struggles with and has seen others battle depression, I know that it manifests in everyone a little differently and what works for some may not for others. Unfortunately, there is no cure-all. But if you're like me and some relief can come from comfort/being comforted, no matter how you find it, then I hope this helps you too. Please remember there's always places and people who wish to help out. Try to practice self-love and stay safe out there.

Warnings: Themes of Depression, Angst

Lucifer

His reaction to stress is work. If he’s stressed out, then he’ll do more work. It’s not that he enjoys it, it just keeps his mind distracted and he’d rather things get done. So he can recognize when someone else does the same.

Cooking, cleaning, homework, or other chores, he’s seen the MC go around doing this and that throughout the House. At first he was thankful, his brothers so rarely clean up or look after themselves, but after a while things started to seem off…

They started working themselves to the bone. He could hear them up in the middle of night sweeping or washing dishes. It was almost like they had forgotten how to sleep at night...

One night, when he left his study to go make some coffee, he found them in the library scrubbing the floors. Their shoulders were trembling with hushed whimpers and choked sobs...

He made them put the sponge away, walked them back into his study, and sat them down despite their protests. They explained their condition to him there through tears they seemingly didn’t want to shed... They’d been unable to sleep in days and were using cleaning as a distraction...

His first instinct was to put them to bed, but if they already can’t sleep then that seemed insufficient…

He ordered them to relax in the chair and played classical music as he made them some tea. He tried to calm them down as best he could and reassured them with quiet conversation and compliments to help them stop crying. When they eventually zonked out, he carried them back to bed then set to work.

Informed Diavolo the next day that the MC was having difficulties then sought out the best treatment the human world had to offer. He personally escorts the MC there for regular services.

Would not hear a word of protest on this. If they didn’t want to go, then he would just have kidnap a therapist and bring the treatment to them.

He instructed his brothers remind the MC to relax sometimes and watch closely for signs of overworking. They could let the house fall to pieces for all he cares, just as long as they’re getting enough sleep and feeling better.

“This simply won’t do… But that’s alright. I’ll make sure things here are better for you.”

Mammon

He's been with MC the longest, he knows what's up by now.

He wouldn't say they have mood swings but he's picked up on how their mood rises and falls over time. They may seem perfectly fine for a while, a week, sometimes two. Then suddenly it's as if they pull back...

They'll stay in their room longer, be a bit more quiet at the dinner table, or look spaced out all the time. Like they're there, but not really with him anymore…

At first he thought it was something he was doing but they’d always tell him he’s fine. Great even. So why did they keep pulling away…?

He got worried enough about it that he asked Solomon if it was just a human thing. He’s the one who told him what depression was and that the MC may have it.

Honestly, he can’t say that he gets it completely, but he takes it seriously. If it’s making the MC feel this bad then he’s got to try something, right?

He’s unsure of what to do, so he settles for just being there for them. Constantly. If he notices that they’re pulling back again, he’ll go to their room and just be there. Even if he’s only checking his phone while sitting next to them on the bed.

He makes sure to remind them that since they’re his human he doesn’t like seeing them sad. If they need to talk, he’s got it. If they need a hug, he’s got that too. He won’t let them feel like they’re all alone as long as he’s around.

“Tsk, look… You know you’ve got me here, right? I ain’t goin’ leave ya…”

Leviathan

Was pretty oblivious to it until he walked into their room one day to lend them a new manga and found them curled up, crying in bed.

Panicked right away because he thought they were hurt and almost called for Lucifer before they stopped him.

After they explained the situation and that sometimes the tears just happen, he felt awful for them. He’s not exactly an emotionally secure person himself so he could relate to feeling like your mind can be against you at times.

He offers them funny manga or shows them games that make him relaxed and happy. He takes their tastes into account and tries to craft them the best “feel good” media pack an otaku can ask for.

If they’re not an otaku like he is well… He doesn’t really know what makes normies feel better, but he’ll still try there too. He’s sure there’s probably some things on Akuzon that can help. Flowers? Candy? Do crystals work on them? He’s not very equipped, but he is trying.

Asks them over for a lot more anime/game nights because he thinks if he can get them distracted, then that’s a bit of relief in and of itself. Will try very hard to make them laugh when they’re together. Every little smile is a victory in his eyes.

“Okay, I brought this, and this, and this, oh and that too! It’s a good series. We can watch it together, okay?”

Satan

Sadness is sort of new to him. When you’ve been angry most of your life you end up not very familiar with other emotions, be they your own or other people’s...

He DID know about depression though. Or at least he knew what it was. He read about it in some human medical journals after the MC came to the Devildom, just to cover his bases.

When the MC started to show signs of having it, he was hesitant to say much at first because he didn’t think his place to do so.

He changed his mind after they began skipping classes. It started out pretty minor, they’d be late for class this week then maybe leave a little early the next… But soon it seemed like they couldn’t bring themselves to go at all.

He knew this wasn’t a Belphie situation. The MC wasn’t lazy and they cared a good deal about their grades. If something was keeping them from making it to class, it had to be serious and he wanted to help.

He read enough on the subject to be able to approach it tactfully, then presented the MC with his findings. He tried to be gentle, but he was worried and when he’s worried he wants to get to the bottom of the problem as soon as possible.

When his suspicions were proven true, he did everything in his power to help them. He read up on the condition for days and asked them a lot of questions about how they doing, how they’re feeling, what makes them comfortable, etc.

He begun looking into what treatments were available/able to be smuggled down to the Devildom while still being discreet, if that’s what they wanted. His brothers didn’t need to know.

Checks up on them a lot in the meantime and tries to cheer them up if he can. He’s not the best at it face-to-face but he may send them gifs and pics of kittens doing kitten things. That usually helps him, so maybe it will help them too?

“Don’t worry, you can get through this. There’s a lot of options available. Here, let me show you what I’ve found...”

Asmodeus

Even the most beautiful people can feel depressed sometimes and Asmo knows that.

It started with him fussing over their appearance like he does with all his brothers, semi-playfully of course.

“MC, are you getting enough beauty sleep? MC, why don’t you do something more with your hair? MC, you could look cuter than that! MC? Are you listening...?”

It didn’t take long, though, for him to notice the dip in their self-care was getting steeper… And it wasn’t like them. They didn’t put as much pride in their appearance as he does (who can?) but they had a style. There was a way they liked to present themselves to other people. They just weren’t doing that anymore…

Something was wrong and he was sure of it.

When he invited the MC to his room that day, he didn’t have any ulterior motives for once. He wasn’t looking for a night of fun, only answers to soothe his concern.

He had never been more gentle or considerate of their feelings than he was right then; coaxing but never prodding until finally they let him in wholeheartedly.

He held the MC as they cried, listened to every word they had to say, never interrupted or complained, and just brushed every tear away.

Makes it his mission to take care of the MC inside and out. Spa days become a regular occurrence where he will ask how they’re doing and let them vent whatever they need. If they don’t feel like talking, then he will take over and try to make them laugh with some embarrassing gossip about his brothers.

Wholeheartedly believes that one's mental health is entwined with one’s physical, so will make them feel the most beautiful and relaxed they ever have in hopes that it might soothe that emotional pain too.

“Go on, sweetheart, and let it all out… Don’t worry. I’m listening.”

Beelzebub

His first tip off was the food. They weren't eating.

Beel's pretty perceptive to what food is around him at all times so he’s the first to notice MC's portions getting smaller… then their plates stay half full.

That worried him enough but when they started skipping meals all together he knew he needed to step in and find out what was wrong. Were they sick?

He gently cornered them one day in the kitchen when they went to grab some instant noodles. It was well past noon and that was the only thing he'd seen them eat since yesterday's breakfast. He knows they're never as hungry as he is, but that has to hurt them too, right?

When he asked about their appetite they wouldn't meet his eyes. They tried to tell him that they were fine but that wasn't going to fly. He called their bluff immediately.

He didn’t expect them to start crying... Honest.

He felt horrible and just pulled them into a hug while they let it out, rocking them gently like he does with Belphie when he’s upset.

When they explained to him what depression is and how they don’t feel like eating sometimes it makes him more worried than before. He honestly can’t process the idea of not being hungry for such long periods of time but it sounds bad for them surely…

From that day forward he keeps a close eye on their food intake. He’ll be the first to encourage them to eat and even offer his own food if they haven’t had any yet. If they’re looking a little down, he’ll offer them snacks from his comfort food stash.

He’s always down to be with them when they need it. No questions asked. If they just show up at his room or send him a text then he’ll be there. He doesn’t mind if they don’t feel like talking, he just hopes his presence helps somehow.

“Do you need me right now? Okay. I’ll order us a pizza but you have to eat some of it too, alright?”

Belphegor

It’s not an unfamiliar feeling to him. He went through his own sad spells after Lilith died… Back then he coped with it through sleeping most of the day and being with Beel.

He started to notice that the MC was sleeping more. At first he was kind of happy because then they could nap together, but it started getting worse…

They’d sleep almost all day. Humans only need 8 hours but they’d go 14 or more… Not even he can stay in bed that long...

When they were awake they’d be quiet. They’d like to hold him but they weren’t telling him what was wrong…

After a while, he got so worried that he looked up what could be making them so sleepy. When he read about depression it all clicked in place for him, not just about them but about himself too.

One night, while they were having another afternoon nap/snuggle, he gently brought up the subject and they confirmed his suspicions.

What proceeded was a long conversation between the two where he admitted to sometimes feeling the same. They compared notes and thoughts, shared pain and scars, and talked about little things that might not mean much, but made them smile and feel happy to be in the world.

He made a deal with them to start staying up more if he did the same. He skipped class less often in order to wake up and go to school with them and stayed near them while they’re there just in case they started losing steam.

He wouldn’t force them to do any schoolwork or anything, but he would try to keep them up and about by inviting them in on pranks or talking to them so they won’t fall asleep until a good time for it. He just wanted them to be happy and healthy.

Promised that no matter how long the day took, he’d still cuddle them to sleep at night.

“Hey, if I’m not sleeping then you aren’t either. Come on… We can do this together.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me luficer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #belphie has depression #fightme #you'd probably win #non-confrontational

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chosonore · 3 years

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part one | calmness

calmness [noun. the state or quality of being free from agitation or strong emotion]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: falling in love with choso was a gradual and slow process, creeping up on you so inconspicuously that you don’t realize until the feelings hit full force. he’s become a constant in your life, your sun, your home. but does he return the feelings?

wordcount: 8k

content/warnings: roommates au, friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life, mentions of alcohol, language, some pining but not really, the amount of oblivious reader and choso will kill you, slow burn, characters are aged up if not already obvious, lowercase intended, [UNEDITED]

a/n: [hello this is a re-post because my blog was banned for a few days! so if you’ve seen it before, i’ve had to delete it i am so sorry if you’ve saved it. but it’s here to stay now!] here it is, the long awaited roommate!choso series wehfuhuehw if you’ve lurked around on my blog before, you would’ve seen the little drabbles i’ve sent suki a while back. this idea has been floating around in my head for so long and there isn’t really a lot of plot to it, it’s really just a really long slice of life thing. wanted to explore falling in love with choso, i just... love him a lot ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ i’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how he would be in situations like this and i hope you enjoy!

masterlist - next

you were pretty sure that you’d scared all the costumers away with your constant sighing – even yuuji was looking at you concerned now although you’d told him that you were fine hours prior. the entire apartment hunting issue was now getting to you; a few months prior, your landlord had announced that he would be selling the apartment, leaving you with no other option than to find a new apartment. but rent was astronomically high and you were already struggling as is. even finding roommates was proven to be a difficult feat, you weren’t sure why but you kept attracting weird people and now two weeks before the moving out date, you still didn’t have a place to stay. worst case scenario, you’d have to rent a storage space and crash at your friend’s place.

“y/n, are you okay? you look… very stressed,” yuuji asked gingerly, after he’d closed the store and helped you clean up the cash register area. “uh if it helps, you can vent to me! we’re friends right? so what’s bothering you?”

you were hesitant. sure, despite not knowing him so well since he’s only been working at the store for a month or two now, you would consider the two of you friends. but you felt bad just dumping the entirety of your worries onto him. so you opted to tell him the… short truth.

“ah it’s just- i’ve been looking for a place to stay because, essentially, i’m getting kicked out of my place but it’s been pretty unsuccessful,” you sighed, scrubbing at the counter more vigorously now. “i need to move out in two weeks but i haven’t found a place yet and the people looking for roommates just seem to be people who would drive me insane.”

“oh really?” yuuji sounded hopeful- wait, why did he sound hopeful? “my older brother is looking for a new roommate! his former roommate recently moved in with his boyfriend so the room is vacant right now. if you want, i could arrange a date for you to look at the apartment and meet him? i promise my brother isn’t weird or anything, he’s pretty diligent with chores and is always up to hang out.”

your jaw dropped; yuuji was your lifesaver. he was incredibly friendly and polite, always helping others and looking out for everyone. you were overwhelmed with joy and relief, maybe you were naïve and too hast in trusting his words but his brother had to be similar to him, you couldn’t imagine them being polar opposites. it couldn’t be that bad and at this point, you were desperate. “i would love that! when are you guys free?”

“ah we could actually head over to his place after clocking out,” yuuji put the boxes and pens back into place before ushering you to the staff room and turning the lights off. “he’s been home quite early lately, so i can just let him now right now if you’re free?”

you nodded in agreement, almost too eagerly, as you threw your jacket on and grabbed your bag, waiting for yuuji outside of the store. it was already dark outside and you almost felt bad for taking up his time like this but he had offered after all. yuuji was furiously texting as he stepped out of the building, screen lighting up his face in a comical way. in the dim light of the street lamps, you clumsily fumbled with the keys before finally being able to lock the door.

“you’re in luck, he’s home right now!” yuuji announced, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his red sweater. “said it’s okay if we drop by real quick.”

you hummed in thought, matching yuuji’s pace as you walked across the street. “does he live far away from here?”

“nope, it’s basically around the corner.”

thankfully, the apartment was within walking distance so you had a slow stroll while talking about work, friends and uni. although you shared the same friend circle, it was almost impossible to have both of you in the same room – yuuji was often busy with club activities while you were constantly studying or working. it wasn’t until he started working at the store that you finally got to know each other, immediately getting along much to your friends’ relief. he had never talked about his older brother before so you were surprised that he had siblings at all. but he sounded genuine when he said that his brother was cool so you didn’t think much of it.

“okay so this is the place,” yuuji stopped in front of a building, pressing the doorbell. “please don’t be too intimidated when you meet choso, he looks unfriendly and unamused sometimes but that’s just his face.”

turning around, you took a closer look at your surroundings. it was an apartment building that looked rather cozy, surrounded by tall, expanding trees. to your relief, it wasn’t a sketchy neighbourhood - you’d always felt wary about walking home by yourself after a late shift. in the distance, you could see a playground and screaming, laughing children. it was harmonious and peaceful, easing your soul and initial doubts.

“oh okay,” you bit your lip in nervousness as the buzzer went off, following yuuji into the building. the closer you got to the apartment, the squirmier you got, anxious about meeting his older brother. the door was already left ajar so you could enter, the smell of food wafting out of the apartment to the hallway. you peeked inside before entering, immediately feeling more at ease upon seeing that the apartment was organized and clean. coats and jackets hung up on the coatrack, shoes lined up neatly along the wall. several photos were stuck to the wall - one of a younger chubby-cheeked yuuji, one of what looked like a garden party, another one of a happily smiling group of people. your heart was warming up; yuuji’s brother seemed like a rather attentive person who appreciated his surroundings and close friends and family.

“choso! did you make dinner for me?” yuuji called out as he kicked off his shoes and stormed inside before you could stop him, leaving you to your own devices as you awkwardly stood in the hallway of the apartment after closing the door. you took your shoes off slowly, stalling as much time as possible. should you just wait for yuuji to come back? or should you come in and greet them with the same energy that yuuji just exuded? but then his brother might think that you were weird and reject you straight away. you froze when a deeper voice rang out.

“didn’t you say you’d bring a friend? where are they?”

you hastily took off your shoes and tiptoed deeper into the apartment, hiding behind yuuji as you looked at the taller man in front of him. his brother looked at you curiously, placing the cooking utensils he was holding onto the counter. so yuuji and him did look like polar opposites. yuuji, for the lack of better terms, looked like a soft peach while the man in front of you had tied his dark, long hair in twin tails and was sporting a huge white shirt with sweatpants but perhaps the most striking thing about him was the face tattoo. you hadn’t expected that at all. he spiked your interest, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive. you had to snap out of it, this was your potential future roommate and you did not need to have any further thoughts. not of that kind.

“hi,” you greeted quietly and held your hand out for him to shake. “i’m y/n, nice to meet you.”

“choso.” he shook your hand, giving you an approving nod.

maybe you stared at his hand a little too obviously, admiring his long fingers, his nicely shaped fingernails and the veins on his hand. yuuji cleared his voice, slightly elbowing you in the side. you gasped in embarrassment, jerking your hand from his and hiding it behind your back. choso didn’t seem like he had caught onto your staring. and if he did, he had enough mercy to not bring it up.

“let me show you your room first,” choso explained unfazed, patiently waiting until you followed him. he walked across the living room, pointing to the side. while yes, he was attractive and seemed to be an enjoyable person to be around with, you couldn’t shake the wariness in your bones. choso switched on the lights, letting you step into the room first. it was empty for the most part, aside from a few boxes that were neatly stacked and placed in the corner. the room had a comfortable size, big enough to fit everything that you owned but not too big so that you’d feel uncomfortable with the empty spaces.

“sorry about the boxes,” choso apologized, turning to you. “i’ve been storing some of the stuff from our studio here, since i sometimes work from home and it was more convenient to have it here instead of my room.”

“i see…” you nodded, trying your best not to peek at the contents of the box. “if you don’t mind me asking, what do you work as?”

“some of my friends and me, we’ve opened a tattoo and piercing studio earlier this year. i only do tattoos though, some of the others do piercings additionally,” he explained to you, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. your mouth fell open, making you look like a fish. you couldn’t hide your excitement, eyes gleaming like you’d just discovered the biggest treasure you’ve ever seen.

“really? that’s so cool! yuuji never told me you were a tattooist, i would love to see your works someday,” you grinned from ear to ear while choso looked away from you, not being able to handle the praise. although he appreciated the sentiment, he didn’t know how to respond to compliments - the feeling was foreign to him.

"yeah, sure," choso replied with a strained voice. in the dim light, no one would be able to make out how the tips of his ears reddened and choso was thankful for that. he cleared his voice, slowly trudging outside of the room to show you the rest of his apartment.

when yuuji had mentioned that he’d found a potential roommate for choso, he didn’t tell anything else. choso didn’t expect it to be yuuji’s co-worker, much less someone whose energy was so bright and happy unlike his gloomy self. he briefly wondered whether you were okay with living here - even if you were desperate to find an apartment, surely you'd at least want someone who was… more open and less intimidating than him.

you trailed behind his broad frame, carefully taking in the entirety of the apartment. it seemed like there was nothing to worry about. even though you've only known him for a few minutes, you felt at ease with him and that gave you a better feeling about moving in with him. yuuji was innocently sitting on the couch, spooning the soup choso had prepared earlier while watching tv. his eyes followed the pair, relieved that there was less awkwardness than he anticipated but slightly suspicious because… there was something.

as choso showed you the rest of the apartment - kitchen, living room and bathroom - he comprehensively explained expenses and house rules to you. there weren't many rules to begin with; choso simply disliked clutter and expected everything to be put back to its original place after use, being noisy was a no-go as well. everything in between was negotiable. by the end of the apartment tour, you joined yuuji in the living room. he shot you a questioning look, raising his eyebrow in curiosity. you were certain that you'd take the offer. there was no way this opportunity would go to waste.

"thank you for showing me around, choso," you smiled at him gratefully. "if you're okay with me moving in, i'd love to become your roommate. i think we'll get along well."

the last box was haphazardly tossed in the corner of your room, earning you a disapproving glare from choso. exhausted, you flopped on the bed and spread across it like a starfish. choso placed the remaining boxes on the floor. moving day was, despite choso coming to your rescue, utterly chaotic and tiring. your muscles were aching from overexertion and there was no remaining energy or nerve for you to attend to unpacking. you felt like a jellylike mass.

"i'll cook something for us. do you have any preferences or dislikes?"

you lifted your head slightly to peek at choso who was standing in the doorway, on his way out. “you’ll cook for me? what are you, an angel?”

choso didn’t reply, simply stared at you. he was used to such antics - it reminded him of his childhood when he was still living with yuuji and taking care of him. lethargically, you shook your head and planted your face back in the pillow. "no, i'm okay with anything. will inhale anything as long as it's edible," though your voice was muffled, choso understood you nonetheless. he made a confused, albeit affirmative noise before disappearing. a long exhale left your lips. truthfully, you were lucky to have an amazing roommate like choso. even though you didn't know each other well and he wasn't very talkative, he was very much willing to help. with time, you were sure he would warm up to you and become great friends. your eyes were slowly drooping, the exhaustion settling in your bones. within minutes, you dozed off into a deep, comfortable slumber. you didn't wake until a knock roused you out of your sleep, startling you in the process.

"huh? yeah?" you scrambled hastily, trying to fix the bird's nest that was your hair. choso did not need to see you in this state - delirious from being woken up from your deep slumber, feeling as if you'd woken up in a new century and with imprints of your pillows and blanket on your skin. before you could make yourself presentable, choso had already opened the door and stared at you unabashedly.

you blinked dumbfounded, staring back at him.

“food’s ready. you coming?” choso gave you a questioning look, waiting for a reaction. so apparently, he did not care what you looked like after waking up. he didn’t even bat an eyelid at your messy state, unfazed by it.

“uh yeah, give me a minute,” you replied after a few moments passed, sitting up tiredly. choso nodded before closing the door behind him as he returned to the kitchen. grabbing yourself a fluffy blanket, you wrapped it around yourself and waddled outside. whatever he had prepared, it smelled divine. you hummed in content as you took a seat at the dining table. the table was already set, dishes still steaming and looking so inviting that you had to stop yourself from drooling. choso padded to the table, placing some drinks on the table before taking a seat as well. as he described the dishes he'd cooked for the two of you, you inconspicuously looked him up and down. this time, without yuuji catching wind of it.

you knew choso was tall and very broad but you only realized the full extent of it seeing how the chair seemed tiny in comparison to his frame. his hair was down for a change, falling just above his shoulders. as usual, he was wearing comfortable clothes; a big shirt, big enough that you could admire his arm muscles and hands every time the sleeves moved. not only was he attractive, he was incredibly attentive and helpful as well, not expecting anything in return.

"thank you for cooking, i really appreciate it. looks really good," you complimented choso, taking a bite from the dish. you hummed delighted, wiggling in your seat happily. "oh my god, this is so delicious! where did you learn cooking like this?"

"i used to cook for yuuji and myself a lot."

"i wanna return the favour too but now i kind of feel inadequate," you joked lightly, smiling at him sheepishly. while you weren't the worst cook, you weren't outstandingly great either. choso however, was probably the best cook you knew.

"i don't mind. as long as you do your best, it's the thought that counts."

you nodded in agreement, taking a sip from your drink. silence fell over you; a comfortable silence however, both of you just enjoying the food. you supposed it wasn't too bad if you took your time getting to know each other - after all, choso seemed like someone who would quickly recoil if cornered. it wasn't too much of a concern.

after finishing the meal, you helped him clean up and wash the dishes. nudging him gently, you asked: "do you want to watch some movies after? yuuji recommended me a few that i have yet to check out."

choso took the plates, drying them with the towel before placing them back to their designated spots. "sure, you're responsible for the movie selection then."

spending time with choso was easy, almost too easy. you were glad that the two of you were off to a good start, he didn't seem to mind your company and you enjoyed his. cheerfully, you put the movie on, snuggling the blanket that was wrapped around you. the way you were laying on the couch was reminding choso of a little burrito. unbeknownst to him, the corner of his lips lifted a little at the sight. he waited until you noticed him and shuffled a little so he could sit on the couch as well. the movie you had chosen was a lighthearted comedy, one that yuuji had highly praised and recommended you watch first.

midway through the movies, the exhaustion was creeping up on you, making you feel heavy and sleepy until you slumped against choso's side. he glanced to the side, observing you to see whether you would wake up. soft and steady breaths left your lips, already asleep within seconds. choso pondered whether to wake you now, worrying that you would miss out on the movie that you were so eager to watch. you looked so peaceful that he felt bad, deciding to wake you once the movie was over. but even choso couldn't shake the tiredness, gradually slumping against you until sleep overtook him as well.

as the sun was rising, light was flooding the apartment, filling it with warmth. you scrunched your eyebrows at the brightness, attempting to move so it wouldn't blind you. the first thing you noticed was your strained neck - probably because of the weird position you had slept in - and the second thing was that something heavy was laying on your lap. blinking in confusion, you peeked, groaning inwardly at the blinding light. black hair was splayed across your lap, connecting to… choso? oh no. oh no. you must've fallen asleep while watching the movie and judging how choso was comfortably using your lap as a pillow, he did as well. embarrassment spread throughout your body; this wasn't supposed to happen, much less with someone you didn't know so well.

now that you were unintentionally watching him, you felt creepy. the situation was too perplexing to you - should you wake him now? or just wait… until he woke up? but what if you had to pee. what if choso wasn’t going to wake up until a few hours later? what if he woke up and saw you staring at him like a creep? though you did think he looked vulnerable and peaceful in this state, unusual from his intimidating, unwavering self. it made your heart tingle with an unknown feeling, softly bubbling with curiosity.

beneath you, choso was moving slightly, shuffling around until he felt comfortable. you stayed still, tensely watching his next movements. he remained still for a while, making you exhale in relief. until he didn’t. choso blinked a few times, trying to make sense of his surroundings until his gaze fell onto yours. and you stared back, frozen in fear. even if he was the one laying on your lap, you felt anxious.

“uh i… we must’ve fallen asleep last night, ha ha…”

“you fell asleep early on and i was going to wake you after the movie ended but fell asleep myself, i’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable,” choso apologized sincerely and sat up right away, rubbing his eyes sleepily. even though he looked rather deadpan, there was a trace of embarrassment on his face.

“oh no, it’s okay! we both fell asleep after all… ah, since we’re roommates, we’re sort of friends now, right? so don’t mind it too much, it happens!” you gave choso a reassuring smile, showing him that there was no bad blood between you.

choso nodded slowly. “i guess so. i’m glad you don’t mind. "

an awkward pause.

"do you have classes anytime soon? i can make breakfast for us.”

and just like that, the tension between you was alleviated. not completely gone, but barely noticeable. choso stretched like a cat, yawning quietly before he got up. you couldn't help but glance at his toned stomach, eyes almost bulging at the sight. turning to the side, you hid your face and cleared your voice. "i don't have classes today but i have to go to work later. so i won't say no to breakfast if you're making it."

"how's living with choso?" yuuji questioned you curiously, leaning against the counter. lowering the pen and writing board you were holding, you hummed in thought. in the past few weeks, the two of you had settled into a comfortable routine. there were minor hiccups here and there but the issues were easily resolved - somehow, you silently understood each other, an important foundation for a good friendship.

"pretty relaxing, to be honest. he's a good roommate and friend," you replied, clicking with the pen which earned you an annoying glance from yuuji. "you should've told me he was a great cook! i don't think i've ever tasted any dishes that were as good as his."

"he cooks for you?" the surprised tone in yuuji's voice startled you. was that out of the ordinary? you just thought he was being a good friend when he prepared dinner for you whenever you had a late shift.

"uh yeah? mostly when i come home late or when we have movie nights together. i always tell him that i can definitely help but he insists that he's fine doing it himself."

"i see. choso just doesn't like people messing with his cooking routine, that's all. i'm not even allowed near the kitchen, even though i'm not that bad of a cook either," yuuji laughed, scratching his head sheepishly. he wasn't going to tell you why he was perplexed by the fact that choso willingly cooked for you. it was too early to make any assumptions; he just couldn't shake the feeling that there was something at play. no one knew his brother better than him - choso would never do any favours for persons he didn't care about, persons that weren't family or extremely close friends. while they had talked about choso's thoughts about you, he never mentioned anything more than getting along well and often spending time together. for choso's standards, you were a quite close friend.

"oh, and here i was, thinking that he must really hate my cooking skills. so it's just that," you concluded, grinning happily. he was weirdly persistent about it but knowing this detail about him, you'd stop pestering him in the future. "hey do you wanna come over tomorrow? it's movie night again, i'm sure you'd enjoy it too."

"hmm, sounds tempting. if you can convince choso to cook, i'm in."

"pff, who would say no to this face," you retorted mischievously, showing yuuji the best puppy face you could muster up. he groaned, pushing you gently.

"show off," he told you jokingly and rolled his eyes. "i don't know how choso tolerates you."

"you're just jealous, huh? didn't think you had that emotion in you. choso and me are the bestest of friends, of course we get along well," you stuck your tongue out at yuuji before leaving him to his own devices as you bolted to the cash register to help a customer. as you animatedly conversed with them, yuuji shook his head. it was obvious that there was some attraction but that was something he'd let you figure out. cupid wasn't a well-fitting job for him. friends, my ass.

"huh, did you say something, yuuji?"

"no, not at all."

soft, melodious music was playing in the background as you silently sat at the counter, watching choso prepare some meals before yuuji was visiting. this time, you heeded his advice, not pestering his brother about needing help and instead just opting to watch him and make light conversation. choso seemed to have noticed as well, mood ever so slightly lifted when he saw you simply taking a seat and asking about his day. he liked this routine, being able to go about his day without someone unwantedly poking their nose into his business until he felt comfortable enough to talk about it. as you absentmindedly doodled on a napkin, choso casually told you about his day at work. about squirmy customers who were getting their first tattoo done, about those that had interesting ideas that he was still trying to find ways to implement, about how noisy his co-workers were and that they wanted to have a night out soon.

“do you wanna join us? you said you wanted to meet my friends,” choso asked, briefly glancing up at you as he was dicing the vegetables. it was true, you did inquire about his friends at some point, more so jokingly and out of curiosity - although he complained about them every now and then, you could tell that he deeply cared about them. choso was the kind of person who acted like a mother hen around friends and sometimes nagged a lot more than you anticipated. but then somehow, miraculously, every minuscule task that would stress you was completed and topped with a freshly made, warm dish by the end of the day. he wasn't good with words but his actions made up for it.

you didn’t expect him to offer you to tag along. he was comfortable enough to introduce you to his friends, even seemed to trust you with them. it felt… strangely heartwarming. "i would love to join you but i have quite a lot of assignments piling up; i'll have to do some night shifts to finish them," you replied and sighed ruefully, putting the pen away. "i'll tag along once i've finished everything, okay?"

choso frowned slightly. "but don't overwork yourself. you'll end up frustrated and burnt out," he told you earnestly, reaching out to pat your head. you gaped at him, the fond gesture making you feel flustered. it was nice knowing that he was looking out for you. choso stared back at you, seemingly startled by his own gesture as well. his hand had moved faster than he could react - he didn't know what to make of it.

the ring of the doorbell interrupted every trail of thought and you jumped up quickly. "i'll get it!" you sprinted towards the entrance, letting yuuji in. perhaps you greeted him too overzealously, yuuji looked at you like he knew something was up. nonetheless, he didn't mention anything, instead presenting you the bottle of wine and some dvds that he brought. choso gave his younger brother an acknowledging grunt, too absorbed in his tasks. taking in his surroundings as he got comfortable on the couch, he noticed some subtle changes in the apartment - the numerous pillows and fleece blankets littered across the couch, the set of matching mugs as well as choso's sketchbooks and, presumably, your textbooks on the coffee table. it was obvious that the two of you spent a lot of time together.

even throughout dinner, yuuji realized that choso had taken a liking to you, more than he probably realized and let on. he almost felt like a third wheel watching how you animatedly talked about trivial things and even more so when it was movie time. like a little burrito, you were wrapped in a blanket, leaning against choso. though it surprised yuuji to see his older brother opening up to you so rapidly, he was happy about it. although chaotic and clumsy, you were a good person and a positive influence. having witnessing how choso had closed up and how hurt he had been after the break up of his previous relationship, yuuji was glad that he wasn't cautious around you and welcomed your presence. even though… both of you were painfully oblivious.

"should we wake her?" yuuji asked as he saw you snuggling into choso's side, peacefully sleeping while the movie was still on.

"no, it's okay. she often falls asleep midway through movies, i just let her sleep. probably exhausted from uni."

yuuji looked at him as if he grew three heads. "so you just let her sleep? and you… sleep on the couch too?"

"hm? yeah, kind of. i feel bad about waking her and we're friends so it's not that big of a deal," choso replied innocently, shifting slightly so he was comfortable while keeping his arm around you. ever so slightly, he leaned onto you.

yuuji buried his face in his hands, silently screaming. don't comment on it, don't say anything, it's none of your business. you might have pink hair but you're no cupid.

utterly exhausted, you made your way into the apartment. you flopped onto the couch, grunting in irritation when you heard choso calling your name. staying put, you just laid there and listened to his footsteps nearing. "you okay? did anything happen?" he questioned, leaning over the couch to look at you. you weren't even sure what to answer, whatever you were feeling at the moment was an accumulation of stress across multiple weeks. you were frustrated with your projects, feeling like you weren't making any progress and not having time for yourself whatsoever. all you needed was a break, a pick me up.

"do you wanna talk about it?" choso repeated again but you shook your head, lifting your head slightly to look at him. he almost felt bad for thinking that you looked adorable, the way you huffed in frustration with a little pout on your lips. you shook your head, hugging one of the pillows.

"not now, later maybe?"

"okay. i'll make you a cup of tea." he disappeared from your field of vision. you listened to the sound of the kettle, closing your eyes as you focused on it. slowly, your erratic thoughts came to a halt. your breath and heartbeat steadied and you gradually felt more calm. clack. choso placed the cup of tea on the coffee table, taking a seat next to you. he was hesitant to touch you just yet, waiting for another reaction from you. sniffling quietly, you sat up and thanked him quietly.

"choso?"

"hm?"

"can i have a hug?" you inquired meekly. he didn't reply, simply pulling you into his arms. without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your face in the crook of his neck. he smelled nice, like freshly washed laundry and the shampoo he was using. it reminded you of home, making you feel more at ease. gently, choso rubbed your back; wherever his fingers moved, it left a trail of goosebumps on your skin. not that he noticed anyways, fortunately. for a few minutes, only the sound of breathing resounded. it was calming and warm - choso was warm, so warm - you almost fell asleep. humming quietly, you moved closer to him.

"today was just really… bad. everything went wrong," you confided in him. "it made me feel like shit, like i couldn't do anything right. i guess i just feel really stressed so i can't concentrate on anything."

choso leaned forward, reaching out to grab the cup of tea. you squeaked in surprise, holding onto him so you wouldn't drop backwards. his left arm snaked around your waist, keeping you in place as he leaned back again. you moved back a little, as far as choso's arm allowed you to, and took the cup from him, taking small sips. "i think you're doing okay," he told you, drawing patterns on your back. "it's only natural to feel this way when everything's been piling up. what you need is a good rest and have a reset, you'll feel more refreshed and inspired to work on your projects. and don't hesitate to ask for help, no matter whether it's a professor or classmate."

"i also told you not to overwork yourself, didn't i? and don't think i can't tell that you've been pulling all nighters," he scolded you, pinching your cheek playfully. it made you giggle, tilting your head to get away from his hand.

"yeah i know, i know. just couldn't help it, it's a bad habit. i'll try to get better at it," you promised him, giving him a reassuring smile. "thank you for listening to me."

"it's the least i can do."

a comfortable silence fell over you. choso continued to rub your back in an attempt to soothe your nerves while you sipped your tea. you were grateful for him, he was an amazing friend - you didn’t even know how to show gratitude to him. awkwardly turning to put the mug back on the table, you then leaned against him. “choso?” you hummed against his chest, snaking your arms around his waist. “you know you can talk to me about problems too, right?”

“what do you think we’ve been doing these past few weeks?” he retorted and chuckled in amusement. “you should try to go to bed now. get some rest, you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

you pouted, not wanting to move. fortunately, he couldn’t see the face you were making - you weren’t ready to let him go just yet, wanting to memorize the expanse of his chest, his warmth, the way his arms felt around you. it made you feel safe, like a temporary relief to your anxiety. “can we… can we watch a movie maybe? i’m not sleepy yet.”

of course, choso saw right through you. “you always say that and then you fall asleep midway. you just don’t want to move, huh?”

“okay, you caught me,” you giggled hysterically as he stood up slowly and pretended to let you fall, catching you before you fell. clinging onto his shoulders, you wrapped your legs around his waist. you refused to let go. unbothered, he held you by your thighs as he waddled across the living room towards the console to choose a dvd to watch. while clinging onto choso, you could hear his heart beating rapidly - you chalked it up to how strenuous it must be to carry you around. choso, on other hand, couldn’t put a finger on the warm, tingly feeling inside of him. did he like having you around like this? stupid, of course he did, you were good friends after all. spending time with you was relaxing for him as well. back on the couch, he let you use his lap as a pillow, absentmindedly combing his fingers through your hair. the two of you remained in this position until both inevitably fell asleep, movie still playing in the background.

“y/n. earth to y/n. dude, can you hear me?” nobara was frantically waving papers in front of your face, rolling her eyes as you snapped out of your trance and took them from her. to your delight, the two of you shared quite a few classes this semester which meant that you could usually share the workload as well. you copied some of her notes, hastily scribbling them in your notebook.

"sorry, i was lost in thought. what did you say?"

"i asked you whether you wanna go out later? the whole crew is coming, it's been a while anyways," your friend repeated, placing her little cosmetics bag on the table to check her makeup and apply another layer of lip gloss.

"ah sorry, i already have plans for today, maybe ano-"

"with whom?" she asked pointedly, narrowing her eyes at you. in recent times, you've been rejecting her offers to hang out a lot; whether it be because of studying or hanging out with… "wait, are you having a date with that roommate of yours again?"

"it's not a date!" you briefly paused, giving her a dirty look. nobara was weirdly persistent about this dating thing, claiming that you would never get anywhere if you didn't make a move. "his name is choso, yuuji's older brother. i told you a million times already. he's been a really good friend and taking care of me when i feel stressed, so i thought it would be time for me to do the same for him."

"a really good friend?" a doubtful look was shot your way.

"yeah, i mean yuuji cooks for us all the time, how is it any different? anyways, i'll join you guys another day, okay?"

nobara stayed still for a moment. you truly didn't realize how much you's been mentioning choso. choso this, choso that, choso here, choso there. even yuuji had confided in her that he thought you might have developed a crush on his older brother though he wasn't certain. nobara, however, was sure. but operation make y/n realize things proved to be more difficult, considering you hadn't had a crush before as you were never interested in relationships.

"fine. but in return, you have to tell me about choso. what do you think of him?" nobara stuffed her belongings into the impossibly full handbag. propping her chin on her hands, she leaned closer to you with a shit-eating grin. you sighed, putting the papers away. it was no use trying to focus on your assignments when she was in an investigative mood. she wouldn't let go of the issue until you gave her a satisfactory answer. and for some reason, it irked you that she was inquiring about choso. why was she so curious about him? couldn't she have asked yuuji instead? it was his brother after all. maybe nobara was… interested in choso? you narrowed your eyes at her.

"i think he's great. might be intimidating at first and not very talkative but when he opens up to you, he's actually a softie. very respectful and polite towards people, always thinks of others first. and not to mention, he's really talented too! he often acts like he's annoyed by people or minds his own business but he really does care a lot. you feel comforted by his presence when you're close with him," you rambled, trying to list all the positive points about him that you could think of. nobara nodded slightly as she was listening to you, making it difficult to gauge her stance on him. was she going to confess now? maybe you should confront her about it. yeah, she would never admit it otherwise. "nobara, are you interested in choso? if you wanted me to introduce you to him, you could've just asked."

nobara stared at you with an open mouth. checkmate.

"you know i wouldn't have judged you at all! after all, choso is handsome too. so really, you don't have to sneak around about this," you concluded triumphantly, patting her arm in reassurance. it filled you with pride to be able to catch nobara off guard for once - usually, she was very composed and ready to give you a sassy answer.

"y/n, sweetie. you're so very wrong." nobara sighed, dejectedly pushing your hand away. you were incredibly dense when it came to feelings and relationships. maybe it would be more amusing to just watch everything pan out. “i don’t really care about choso, that’s your man after all.”

“yeah, yeah, i- wait what?”

thankfully, you arrived home earlier than choso did - for once. and for once, this friday was going to be a relaxing one, seeing as you’d finally finished your projects and assignments and could finally engage in a much needed self care day. placing the groceries bags on the counter, you went through the ingredients again just to make sure you didn’t forget anything. yuuji had given you a recipe for his famous meatballs recipe, claiming that it was one of choso’s favourite dishes. in recent times, choso seemed to be exhausted and sometimes even easily irritable after work - considering how much he did for you, it was only fair for you to treat him as well. surprising him seemed to be the best course of action.

making quick work of the ingredients, you took your time to clean the apartment while the soup was still cooking. yuuji was kind enough to lend you a few dvds, not even asking you whether you were going to watch them with choso anymore. while you felt bad about turning your friends down yet again, you promised yourself to make it up to them in the future by inviting them over for a sleepover or movie night. though knowing them, they would not let you stay in the comfort of your home but drag you to a party or club again. especially nobara would always insist on dragging you along, while megumi and yuuji didn’t really care about where they would be going for the night. her excuse was to find you a partner, claiming that it was about time you realized how cute you were, which you vehemently denied. even maki had told her to pipe it down at some point. all the more, it made you suspicious that nobara had not brought the topic up anymore. you couldn’t imagine her giving up so quickly, considering how persistent she had been for almost a year now.

the jingle of the keys and the soft click of the door made you stop whatever you were doing, peeking around the corner to see choso coming in. giggling quietly, you watched as he stopped in his tracks and sniffed the air, seemingly confused about the scent of the soup. he turned around upon hearing you, a small, almost unnoticeable smile on his lips. “up to no good?” he questioned you teasingly, placing his bag and jacket in the wardrobe. huffing, you stuck your tongue out at him and shook your head. you padded over to him, softly tugging at the sleeve of his shirt to make him follow you to the kitchen.

“since you always cook for me, i thought it would be time for me to do the same for you. yuuji showed me your favourite dish but i’m not sure if it turned out as well as he always makes it,” you sheepishly explained, showing him the pot of soup and the bowls and cutlery that you’d already laid out. choso hugged your side, squeezing your waist gently before patting your head and muttering a quiet thank you. your chest filled with pride, finally being helpful to him for once. if you weren’t careful, it would burst - he fuelled your ego even more as he complimented you, telling you how well the soup turned out and that he really appreciated it. you knew he wasn’t lying, for one because he was a sincere person and always offered heartfelt compliments, and because of how eagerly he was eating, practically inhaling the soup in one go. he even looked like he was in a food coma by the time you finished dinner, making you ban him from the kitchen to take a rest on the couch.

after washing the dishes, you came back to the living room to see him lie across the couch, eyes closed and calmly breathing. he looked like he was taking a nap, until he opened his eyes to peek at you as you approached. giddily, you joined him on the couch, showing him the hair products that you’d already placed on the coffee table. “can i give you a massage and do… uh hair stuff? i really like it when people brush my hair and stuff and i thought you might enjoy it too,” you explain to him. choso contemplated for a few seconds before shrugging nonchalantly. yes! you signaled him to sit on the floor in front of you as you pressed play. with the sound of the movie in the background, you focused on choso’s hair and took off the hair ties first. he got comfortable, turning towards the tv and learning his head against the edge of the couch. gently running your fingers through his hair, you made sure to detangle rough knots before massaging his scalp gently. you could tell that choso was beginning to relax by the way his shoulders were slowly sagging. in silence, you worked through the entirety of his scalp before moving on to brush his hair.

if you didn’t already know that choso was a naturally withdrawn person, you would’ve been concerned by how quiet he was and how he didn’t show any reactions to the movie. you were glad that he seemed to like the entire hair spa ordeal; he didn’t even seem to mind that you were using your hair products on him, the soft floral scent now emanating from his hair as you massaged it through the tips and then brushed it in slow strokes. by the time you were done, he looked utterly relaxed, struggling to keep his eyes open as he climbed back on the couch and sat next to you. without having to ask, he wrapped his arms around you. yawning quietly, you moved closer to him, turning your attention to the tv. habitually, his hands moved against your back, drawing shapes and patterns. slowly, choso could feel the heat in his body rising and chalked it up to the close proximity. it did make him feel a little uneasy however; he shifted you around on his lap until he felt comfortable. abruptly halting his movements, he froze as you turned to him, ass grazing his groin. an electric shock ran through him. subconsciously, he jolted at the friction. the tips of his ears turned red in embarrassment but he reassured you he was fine when you looked at him concerned. what the hell was that? was his body now not listening to him after being so relaxed?

“choso, can i ask you something?” you leaned back slightly to look at him.

“you already did. but yeah, go ahead.” choso grinned at the little huff you let out, grasping your hand in time as you tried to hit his chest and intertwined your fingers so you couldn’t move.

“uh this might sound weird but i think a friend of mine is interested in you. nobara, do you know her?” you squeezed his hand, moving it around with yours. “she asked me about you the other day.”

“huh, really? isn’t that one of yuuji’s friends too?”

you nodded in agreement. “yeah, we’re all friends. i only told her good things about you, of course.”

choso hesitated. he wasn’t sure what to tell you, not wanting to say something about your friend that could upset you. but the truth was, he wasn’t really interested in anyone right now. the recent breakup had done a number on him and he felt like he hadn’t properly moved on just yet. not when the thoughts were still obsessively circling in his head. but when choso was with you, they miraculously seemed to disappear, making him feel more at ease. “i’m not really looking for anything right now, sorry. i don’t really want to disappoint her, i’m just not really up for a relationship right now,” he told you truthfully, giving you an apologetic smile.

you stopped in your movements, nodding slightly in understanding. and still, it made your heart seize up for an unknown reason.

ps.: the story of how it takes reader and choso ages until they realize their feelings or alternatively: nobara and yuuji unwillingly turn into cupids

#jujutsu kaisen #choso #kamo choso #choso kamo #choso x reader #kamo choso x reader #choso kamo x reader #choso x you #kamo choso x you #choso kamo x you #choso imagines #choso kamo imagines #kamo choso imagines #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen imagines #fic: home #writing

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missmentelle · 4 years

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How do I know if I'm burnt out and what are signs of being burnt out? In relation to both university and work?

Unfortunately, burnout is a very common problem among both university students and people in high-stress jobs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “burnout” is effectively where people reach a breaking point after being in a high-stress occupation (like a demanding academic program or a high-pressure career) for too long. Being “burnt out” is not an official diagnosis, and you won’t find it in the ICD-11 or the DSM-V. But it’s something that an increasing number of people are experiencing every year.

Not everyone is at equal risk of experiencing burnout - many students and workers never really deal with this. Factors that put you at high risk of burnout include:

Having poor work-life balance. If you spend huge portions of your time working - working through weekends, doing tons of overtime, working late, not taking vacation, working through lunch - you are at high risk of burnout. Humans need rest, relaxation, hobbies and time with friends, and when you sacrifice those things for work, it will eventually take a toll.

Having very little control over your day-to-day tasks. No one has perfect control over their daily work tasks - not even the self-employed - but having some element of control is important. If you have a say in things like when to schedule meetings, when to book client appointments and which task you are going to work on when, you have a lower risk of burnout than someone whose tasks tend to just be dictated to them.

Having perfectionist traits or holding yourself to very high standards. People who experience burnout tend to be overachievers. They constantly try to go above and beyond because they put immense pressure on themselves to do their best work at all times. If you’re the kind of person who beats yourself up over getting an A- instead of an A and makes a point to be the last one out of the office every day, you are at risk of burnout.

Having a dysfunctional work or school environment. Is your workplace plagued with bullies and office gossip? Do your lab members take pleasure in ripping each other’s research and writing to shreds, without really being constructive about it? Does your boss take their bad moods out on the rest of the office, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? A dysfunctional workplace creates burned-out employees.

Having unclear instructions or directions. It is extremely difficult to be in a work environment where you are expected to do be productive, but you aren’t given clear expectations, a clear list of tasks or instructions for how those tasks should actually be performed. It leaves you constantly feeling like your work isn’t good enough and isn’t done properly, without actually giving you a route to improve; you often end up working twice as hard to get half as much done, which is a recipe for burnout.

Working in a helping profession. Nurses, social workers, therapists, paramedics, psychologists, caregivers and caseworkers have some of the highest burnout rates of any profession. These jobs often combine long hours and low pay with incredibly stressful work environments, and burnout is a huge problem.

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or bored of what you do. It’s a state of complete and total exhaustion. Putting more energy into your job isn’t possible when you reach that point - you have nothing left to give. “Burnout” isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is a fitting description - trying to push through burnout is like trying to re-light a candle that has already burned all the way down to the bottom. It’s just not going to happen.

Some signs that you’ve reached the point of burnout include:

Your performance is suffering. You can’t keep going full steam ahead when you’re running on fumes. When you’re burnt out, your work performance will one of the first things that starts to slip - you may find that you are missing deadlines, forgetting things, half-assing tasks and making careless mistakes.

You constantly feel drained. Burnout is a perpetual state of exhaustion. You’ll start to feel like you just don’t have the energy to do everything that you’re supposed to do. You’ll find that you feel tired all the time, regardless of your sleeping habits, and that just forcing yourself to do the bare minimum leaves you feeling totally depleted and unable to do much else.

You feel disconnected and cynical toward your work. Even if you once enjoyed your work or felt passionate about it, when you’re burnt out, you become disillusioned with what you do. You may find that you’re cynical about your work, or just so apathetic that you can’t bring yourself to care about it anymore, even when you accomplish things that once mattered to you.

You can’t concentrate. Burnout can make it difficult - if not impossible - for even the most dedicated person to focus on their tasks. You might find that you spend a lot of time just sitting in front of your computer, unable to even start tasks because you can’t focus well enough to begin something.

You have become irritable and short-tempered. People who are burnt out have a tendency to become impatient with the people around them. When you’re running on empty, you have no energy left for social interactions. You might find that you’re snapping at coworkers or getting visibly frustrated with clients if you work in a helping profession.

You feel anxious. Burnout is often accompanied by feelings of indistinct dread that you just can’t seem to shake. The fear and anxiety is often tied to work, and can be completely overwhelming.

You can’t sleep. Ironically, people with burnout often have a hard time sleeping. Their minds race all night, and they find that they cannot settle down or get comfortable enough to drift off. If you can sleep, you may find that you are only able to sleep in short bursts and cannot sleep through a full night.

Your eating habits have changed. Some people experiencing burnout find that they lose their appetites. Others find that they begin to comfort themselves with food. Significant changes in appetite and food intake can signal a serious problem.

You feel physically ill. Being under high amounts of stress for long periods of time can destroy your health - you might find that you have a lot of symptoms with no direct physical cause, like headaches, stomach pain, nausea and body aches. You might also find that you get sick more often and get more infections as the stress wears down your immune system.

You feel like you have to drag yourself through the day. Even if you once enjoyed your job or your school, you might start to feel like even showing up is a huge chore, and dread having to go in. You might find that it takes all of your energy to even make it through the front door each day.

The good news is that burnout is not a permanent state; there are things you can do to recover. However, recovering from burnout is not necessarily easy - this is not something you can quick-fix with a self-help book, and you may need to make significant lifestyle changes. Some things you can do to fix or prevent burnout include:

Set firm boundaries. If possible, stop taking work home. Stop signing up for extra shifts and overtime every time it’s available. Don’t volunteer to organize every single office party and baby shower. Stop answering work emails after 5pm. Don’t check your email on the weekends. Don’t respond to emails on vacation. Set firm boundaries between “work time” and “me time” - especially if you work from home, where it’s easier for work and life to bleed together.

Use every minute of your paid time off. A lot of people just don’t use up all their PTO every year because they’re worried they’re letting the company down by taking vacation. Stop that. If you have vacation days, use them. Use your sick time too - if you don’t get sick that often, use them as mental health days. If you’re a student, ask professors for extensions when you’re sick - more and more professors are getting on board with cutting students some slack for life events.

Unplug from productivity culture. Our culture has a pathological obsession with productivity, and it’s killing us. We consume books and blogs and podcasts about how to squeeze as much productivity out of ourselves as possible. It has to stop. Unsubscribe from this kind of content. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself to optimize and monetize every second of your day - it’s not healthy.

Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a doctor or a friend. Get professional help or just find people you can vent to. Try to form friendships with some of your coworkers or fellow students, especially if you work in the helping professions - they know better than anyone what you are going through.

Prioritize your physical health. When you neglect your physical health, you are more likely to burn out - you run out of fuel faster when you have less in the tank to begin with. Prioritize eating healthy meals and getting all the nutrients you need. Make a habit of exercising. Practice good sleep hygiene and try to improve your sleep.

Talk to your supervisor, advisor or boss. Are there things about your specific work or school environment that could be improved for you? Could you be transferred to a new team? Do your roles and responsibilities need to be clarified so you know exactly what is expected of you? Do you need additional training to do your job well? Are you dealing with harassment that could be reported to HR? See what can be fixed.

Consider a change. Sometimes you just need a change of pace after a while. Many social workers, for instance, eventually leave the profession - a lot of people simply have a lifetime limit on how long they can do that kind of work before they need to switch to something that doesn’t involve human horror every day. If burnout is a consistent problem, it might be time to think about taking a leave of absence, changing to a different role, or switching careers altogether.

Hope this answers your question! MM

#Anonymous #AnsweredByMM

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jslittlebirdie · 2 years

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You're never a bother. You have worth and value and you deserve a place to be yourself, to werewolf and go wild. So, if you would like to vent, this ask is an excellent reason to do so! I can respond privately or in a reblog, it's up to you! Much love!💕

Well... I better not tell you I'm crying again as I write this. Thank you so much for telling me all this. You and your kind words mean so much to me, Erika. Just thank you. I'm sending you so much love and I hope you are taking care of yourself. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you too. That's the least I can do for you💜💜

Some of my thoughts are under the cut.

I... I'm just so...exhausted and sick of everything. Uni, all the other stuff and the people around me are driving me crazy. There are so many things I have to take care of and it feels like it will never get less. New stuff all the time. Too many worries, doubts and bad thoughts...

The new semester just started and ugh... I have a short presentation to give tomorrow. The topic is actually quite interesting and I guess things will go well. But I'm still overthinking everything, I can't help it... Then I have to go to another city for a seminar at the beginning of May. And because the train travel takes so long (about 5.5 hours) and the hostel is so expensive, I can stay there only one night. The meeting goes for 9 hours and I have to take the train back that night, which means I have to stay awake for at least 20 hours because the train doesn't arrive at the station until 4am. I know it's still a few weeks away, but I'm already super nervous about it because I have to do all the planning myself. And today I had this lecture that I'm terrified of... Oh god, just thinking about the assignments I have to do... I'm afraid I won't make it. I feel like shit and I'm panicking, but my mother doesn't care and she still bombards me with other chores and her problems. You know I help when I can and everything... But I have to take care of my stuff first. I hold back my anger and try not to snap. Actually, I wish I could scream or go wild (a litte, please don't get me wrong). But I won't. Well... I'm still dealing with this annoying mood swings. Sometimes I'm craving a hug or something, and sometimes I want to hide from everyone. I'm constantly sad, grumpy, whiny, tired and tense. Also, I miss J. So much that sometimes I'm seriously tearing up just looking at a pic of him. No matter what I do and try, I can't seem to feel close enough to him. I know it's super silly, but he's my comfort. Sometimes I feel lost and alone. Like I said, right now this is the only place where I can be myself and have friends.

Ugh, these are the things that go through my head and that I could put into words. I'm struggling with a lot of different things to be honest. You don't have to answer my babbling. But if you do, I have no problem with you reblogging this or something. Thank you so much for letting me vent to you💜

#thank you so much Erika #answered asks #ajokeformur ray #sue talks #vent post #vent under the cut #personal stuff

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watcherfenix · 3 years

Text

A Vent long time coming

It feels like it has been ages since I wrote anything. There is so much I wanna write and comment on, simply hard to pin just one idea down. So, in sticking with the theme of vulnerable journey treading and wanting my experiences to help someone out there. I am going to decompress the last years and possibly go into more at a later date. I have been in limited contact with people for close to 3 years. This is due to moving to a new country compounded with COVID, which killed many attempts at being social. Coupled with that polite racism of Canada and recovering from a very traumatic breakup, have been in a low place. Also, in transition for a work visa which has been slowed due to COVID. Depression and PSTD make leaving the place is a chore and a constant mental battle. I was able to do a year of college in a small-town university. Learned a lot and nothing all at once. Learned about myself. Learned about my own Blackness (and still learning). Of course, this caused me to look at my life experience through a new lens as if pages have been restored in a tattered book. Seeing how my old, colonized self parroted some toxic garbage and did some” ignorant passable shit “that I wished I had never said or did. Angry at my parents for trying so hard to “protecting “me from my own Blackness. Leaving me under-prepared for the world I was going to be a part of. Instead, my father tells me as an adult, I am ungrateful and “raised by wolves,” and I told him I hated him. Pissed that he presented his side of the family as dangerous, volatile and “ghetto” and that being gay and black was asking for a short life in the family. Causing me to be averse to wanting to meet them. But with time, I will be able to accept “all of me.” By learning another country’s history, I realized I was on the wrong side of history. Referring to my time in the military and playing a role in destabilizing the Middle East (something the US military has quite a long track record of doing). This affects me in a couple of different ways. First, being a part of pain and suffering on such a grand scale goes against who I believe. Secondly, knowing that it is a family legacy (father being a weapons contractor after being retired Air Force and had a few generals in the family too). Lastly, I lost friends and a lover to the machine known as the military-industrial complex. And knowing that the government is getting worse makes their deaths sting a bit more than I care to admit. Thinking about my time in the military fills me with bittersweet memories now tinged with some guilt and shame. While I had stewed in these thoughts for long periods of time. Slowly getting comfortable with these truths. Only to be slammed with the ugliness that is America’s racism. Seeing white friends during BLM and all that led up to it go silent or worse, shit on the idea of BLM. Gay community leeches off black culture while making claims of being inclusive makes me want to rage cry. Seeing so much Racism and colorism in communities I used to call these spaces, my home is now quite repulsive . I was hoping for too much, wanting my communities to be supportive. Genuinely supportive, helping people because it is right, not causes it's trending. Wish POC communities would stop internalizing and perpetuating hate and start lifting each other up. Instead of determining “blackness” and gender roles. It has been absolutely heartbreaking to see so many people passing in such a short time frame. I am reminded of my older friends sharing their tales of the AIDs crisis and survivals guilt. I feel weird knowing these people for a while online, just too sudden.. they are gone. I develop a connection with these people but feel I cannot claim it because other people that knew them spent time with them in real life. Deep down, there is a feeling that my connection is less than because I am unable to meet these people. I do not fully subscribe to this idea, but every time another FB friend or friend dies, it comes to my mind. And I honestly do not know what to do with it. Though the thought of friends that have pass makes me feel things. I cannot help but mourn the relationships lost because of my selfishness, drugs, or toxic relationships before people I called my family. The concept of family seems and feels so foreign to me now, yet I still hunger for one. My parents and sister's relationship was polarizing and taking a toll on my mental wellness. But cutting ties with them does not make me feel better. Sure enough, feel guilty and ashamed because of some internal nagging feeling I needed to try harder to work things out. Must remember why I had to cut ties with them. I had to, being with them caused me so much emotional and spiritual pain, I would later choose homelessness than ask for their help again. Yet, I still love them just do not want them in my life or do not want to share my life with them anymore. Does not make processing the loss of my bio family any easier. It does feel more correct than sticking with them. I wish I were a better friend. I often feel like a failing friend. I regret missing so many chosen family life events. Missed both of my brother’s weddings a few people’s graduations. Burned a lot of bridges protecting people that were later discovered to be trash. Wish I could send messages to say I am sorry. Just feel too much has either happen or too much time has gone by to bring it up now. The feelings and thoughts build up so much that it stresses me out and becomes intrusive thoughts shaming me out of evening trying. And having been burned by so many shitty relationships, feel less like... me. More like a by-product of all the lessons I learn. A by-product that is very wary of trying to make new friends or form new relationships. To be honest, I struggle with who I am and have been struggling with my self-image for three years now. So, trying to attempt new friendships seem out of my depths. Trying to be compassionate and kinder to myself …. when... I feel I need to be better and stronger than average. Sadly, I am my own worse jailer and serving life sentences for things that I just do not know why anymore. My brain gets so loud feels like my brain is grated with sandpaper. Depression, shitty world events, insomnia and PTSD, have caused me to disassociate to the point time has no meaning to me and staying in the moment is getting harder to do. Battling the idea that this is a dream or this reality is unreal. I really dislike being dissociative like this, reminds me too much of when I was doing meth and how quickly the time went by and how time was filled up with all other manners of things. Also reminds me of the time I almost cut myself to discern between reality and dreams. Grateful I have my husband to keep me grounded. He makes me smile when I am down. Somedays, he is the only thing keeping me here. My mind is full, and my heart is heavy. The road is long and the burden heavy, but I will be moved forward in some way. Thank you for your time, love

Fenix

#ptsd recovery #recovery #mental health

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imaginejamesandsirius · 4 years

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James and Sirius live together. during a meeting with friends, someone makes a comment that James is a terrible neighbor, to which Sirius either agrees or just laughs. despite the fact that it is a joke, James seriously thinks about it and comes to the conclusion that it is true. then James packs up his things to move out while Sirius is away, bc he knows that Sirius will try to talk him out of it (out of politeness?) Sirius catches him before he leaves. what happens next?

Adult parties were weird. When they were kids, parties were basically getting together with your friends while all your parents all talked. When they got a little older, they played games. They got to be teenagers and spent all their parties drinking while they played games.

Then they got to be the adults at parties-- without kids, for now at least-- and they were weird. James enjoyed himself. There wasn't any disputing that, but it was kind of weird. He didn't feel old, but all of them were sitting around-- well, okay, some of them were standing but his point remained the same-- sipping wine and snacking as they caught up.

Because that's all they did at these parties: they caught up with each other. He learned that Marlene's boss had come onto her even though he was married, Dorcas went and threatened him after it happened, and Lily had tried to be supportive about it all but mostly ended up laughing. Work complaints dominated the conversations since that's all any of them spent time doing, but most of them weren't as colourful as Marlene's. Little things. Like Mary's coworker that always asked to borrow a quill and never returned it, but she didn't feel like she could say no when they asked. Or Peter's boss, who always gave him enough time for a project, then asked why it wasn't done halfway through that time limit. James, for his part, liked to complain about the other people on the Quidditch team.

They were all still friends from Hogwarts, but that didn't mean the group hadn't expanded. James and Sirius were the only official couple-- less official and more like they were still dating between one party and the next-- but there were a few other people that were flatmates. James and Sirius lived together, obviously, and then there was Lily and Remus. Everyone else either lived on their own or with a flatmate that none of the rest of them knew. Alice's flatmate had been homeschooled, and apparently was very difficult to live with.

James didn't think anything about the way the conversation he was a part of moved to talking about the person you live with until Lily said to Sirius, "-and he said that James did the same thing in Hogwarts! And I was like 'er, if you want us to keep living together, you have to stop that right now and forever'. He said he'd think about it, but come on! It's like the worst thing in the world, isn't it?" and Sirius laughed. He didn't say, "Yeah, totally," or nod, but he laughed, and it made James feel sick to his stomach, like the wine was churning in his stomach.

"Remus has always been a bit of a tosser," is what Sirius actually replied, and it didn't make James feel any better. He hadn't really been part of the conversation, content to sit on the side and sip at his drink, sometimes paying attention and sometimes not.

It was a pretty unfortunate time for him to be paying attention, but it probably didn't mean anything. Him and Sirius got on each other's nerves sometimes with their little quirks; it didn't mean anything deeper.

James couldn't get it out of his head. He tried to tell himself that Lily had just been venting, Sirius had only replied to the part about Remus and not his own boyfriend, but the more he thought about it, the worse he felt.

He'd brushed it off by saying that him and Sirius had disagreements about their living habits sometimes, but that wasn't true, wasn't it? Sirius didn't do things that James didn't like; James did things that Sirius didn't like. Sirius would talk to him about it, James would get pissy, and they'd compromise.

Why the hell did they compromise? James liked to do everything his way, it's true, but Sirius had never been wrong when he complained. James did rubbish like leave food out overnight and never folded his laundry, and when Sirius asked him to be more mindful, James had pretty much refused. Oh he'd done it in a way that wasn't angry and came across as more joking, but he'd still refused. That had still been the end result: him refusing to do the simplest things. The 'compromise' had been for Sirius to doublecheck the counters before crawling in bed. The 'compromise' had been for Sirius to put the clothes on the couch when they were done, because if James could see it right next to him, he'd fold it just to have something to do with his hands.

And once he'd started thinking of that, he'd realised that he didn't really do a fair share of the household chores. He did dishes, and he cooked, but what else? He hadn't put a lot of thought to it before, but when was the last time he'd cleaned the toilet? Or the kitchen? He didn't do most of the regular household cleaning, and he was as hell didn't do any deep cleaning, like washing the drapes or scrubbing the windows-- both of which he'd seen Sirius do before. He'd always assumed that if Sirius wanted help, he'd ask for it. That had been a rubbish excuse, and he knew it now.

The only real question left was: why the sodding hell had Sirius put up with all of this for so long?

The answer, unfortunately, was obvious. He put up with it because he loved James.

James had never had to question whether or not Sirius loved him, because he said it all the time. When they graduated from Hogwarts, Sirius had told him that he never wanted to live without him. When they decided to move into the same room instead of having two separate beds, Sirius had told him that he loved him more than he'd known was possible. Over the years, it was obvious that that hadn't changed. Sirius still loved him; Sirius would let him get away with anything if it meant they were still together.

And again, compare Sirius's feelings on that to the disagreements they had when Sirius tried to talk to him about something that was bothering him, and it was just easier to let it go.

James knew that if Sirius was presented with the options of keeping James and having to do everything himself, or losing James and getting the perfect flatmate (or boyfriend), Sirius would choose him.

No matter how miserable he otherwise was, he'd choose James. He'd choose James because he honestly believed that he didn't deserve better-- he didn't think that he deserved James, either, but James had worked pretty hard on making sure that Sirius knew that he loved him too.

Sirius would never tell him to leave or be better. James could always try to be better-- and he certainly would be, in the future-- but for now, with Sirius, he knew that he couldn't salvage that. Not completely. He could get better about the chores and the laundry, but he wouldn't be able to trust that Sirius would tell him about any new problems they had. Hell, he couldn't even trust, that he'd caught everything. What else was there that Sirius wasn't drawing his attention to? How often did Sirius put aside what he wanted in favour of something James wanted?

There was no telling.

And James had no idea if Sirius would respond truthfully him if he asked.

There were other options. Better options, probably, but he couldn't think of any. He didn't believe that Sirius would communicate with him if he asked, and he had no way of knowing if what he was doing was wrong without it. Even with it, there was no guarantee that he'd be better.

James had to leave. He had to get away and clear his head. Do some self-reflecting and figure out what kind of person he was versus who he wanted to be.

He'd taken Sirius for granted; he'd taken his presence and his love for granted. He hadn't put in the effort that he should have. He knew that relationships took work, and he'd been putting in only half the effort that Sirius deserved.

Yeah. He needed space. He had to get time away from Sirius and get his head on straight. Did he want to live without Sirius? Of course not. Did he want to break up with Sirius? Hell no. But he thought that it would be better in the long run. For both of them. He had to remember that this was going to turn out for the best, for both of them.

It was still hard to start packing up his things. He'd have to talk to Sirius about it-- he wasn't going to just vanish without an explanation, and after everything else, Sirius definitely deserved to know what was happening-- but there was no need to draw it out. Sirius was at work, so James had plenty of time to get his clothes into the suitcase. He left anything that could've been considered both of theirs where it was. He hadn't put any effort into their life together, so he didn't have any claim to the objects that might represent it. Besides, what would he do with dishes? He was going to the Leaky while he looked for a new place; he wouldn't need dishes or a laundry basket or towels of his own. When he found a new flat, there'd be plenty of time to buy all those things.

James had to cast an expansion charm on his suitcase, and then he sat heavily on the couch.

Everything was packed. This was it. Sirius was going to get home in about an hour, and then he'd have to tell him that he was leaving. He didn't know how he was going to tell him. How the hell did he even start that conversation? 'We need to talk'? 'I need to tell you something'? That one made it sound like he was cheating.

He was going to go drop off his bag and book a room at the Leaky and then come back.

It would be... neater.

He got to his feet and picked up the suitcase. They didn't have a floo linked to their flat since they both preferred apparation, so he turned to the door, only to freeze in place when Sirius opened the door.

"Hey," Sirius said with a smile. He kicked off his shoes like he always did.

"You're home early," James said, feeling panic start to seep into him. His heart was hammering against his ribcage like it wanted to break free. He'd thought that he had more time until he had to do this. Another hour to get it in his head that it was the end and come to terms with it.

"Yeah," Sirius said, still not noticing that anything was amiss. "I figured I could call it an early weekend since I had to work so late the last two days." He stretched his arms over his head with a satisfied groan. "Working at a desk all day really doesn't do me any favours," he said, turning to James with a grin. That was when he noticed James's expression. "Are you alright?"

James reached up with his free hand and rubbed at his face. "Erm."

"What's with the suitcase? I'm pretty sure you have to tell your boyfriend before you go on holiday," Sirius joked. He knew that something was wrong, but he was still joking because he had no idea which direction this was going to go.

James felt like the worst person in the world. "I was going to the Leaky."

"Well that doesn't count as a holiday," Sirius said. He reached for James, and James stepped back. Sirius froze, hand in front of him. "James?"

He swallowed thickly. He hadn't planned what to say. He didn't know what to do that might soften the blow. "I'm moving out."

"What?"

"I-" James stopped, his throat working. "I'm leaving you. I'm going to stay at the Leaky until I find a new place."

Sirius was struck dumb. He stared at James with wide, disbelieving eyes, not moving.

James tightened his grip on the suitcase. He couldn't leave unless Sirius moved, and he wasn't going to push him to the side. When he'd made this decision, he'd agreed that he would tell Sirius why he was doing it. Not all of it, because Sirius would try to tell him that it wasn't true-- he'd say anything to make him stay-- but he deserved an explanation of some sort for all of the time they'd spent together. "I don't think we're happy together."

"What? I was happy. When weren't you happy? You always looked happy to me. If I did something that made you-"

"You didn't do anything," James said miserably. "I swear you didn't. I did some thinking and realised that I haven't been... I need some time to think. I need space, and I don't think that we were good together."

"We aren't good together?" Sirius repeated. "What the hell does that mean? We were perfect together."

He swallowed again. He knew that he had a lot to make up for, and a hundred different things to apologise to Sirius about, but he didn't want to get into that right now. If he brought it up, they'd just end up arguing. Once Sirius had some time to get used to them being apart, then they could talk about all the details. Rather, James could apologise, and maybe Sirius wouldn't argue with him over it. "I disagree. Look, I- I really think we should get some space from each other before we talk about it."

"No! There's no sodding point in putting it off if we can figure it out. James, just- for fuck's sake, listen to yourself," Sirius said, putting his hands on either side of James's face desperately. "We're happy. We've been happy, and we will continue to be for years. Nothing's changed. If you need some space, I can move to the other room for a few days. Or- hell, a month, however long it takes, but don't do this. We don't need to break up. You can sort yourself out here fine; you don't need to go the Leaky and make yourself miserable. Just stay here and everything will be fine."

James shook his head. No, nothing had changed, but that was the problem. James brought up a hand and put it on Sirius's arm to get him to let go, but he found his touch lingering, savouring. "I'm going to miss you," James whispered. He was going to miss going to bed next to him and waking up the next morning, warm and content. His smile, his laugh, the way he got everything wet after a shower because he didn't dry his hair, his leather jacket by the door, the way he kicked off his shoes like he couldn't stand them the second he was home... everything.

He leaned in, pressing a last kiss to Sirius's lips.

Sirius's grip on him went slack. "Please," Sirius whispered against his mouth as tears spilled over.

"I'm sorry." James pulled away and-

He walked out. It was as simple as that. One foot in front of the other. He fished the key from his pocket and dropped it before opening the door. He stepped through, closed the door, and turned on his heel, casting a spell he'd done a hundred times. It felt no different this time to disapparate and land in Diagon Alley right outside of the Leaky Cauldron.

It should've been easy to do all of that, but James could hardly breathe. Sirius was the best thing that had happened to him, and he'd just left him. Abandoned him.

He tried to shake that thought loose.

He didn't abandon Sirius. He told him that he was leaving. Sirius still had the flat and all his belongings, not to mention all his friends. He had plenty of people to turn to if he needed support. He'd be fine.

James had a length of parchment as long as his arm, and he'd been working on a comprehensive list of everything he'd done wrong in his relationship with Sirius. Not every little mistake and time he'd snapped when he was angry, but the patterns he'd fallen into. The things he'd done that showed a disregard for being part of a partnership.

The chores, the thing with the milk, the laundry, that all went on the list-- they were the first things he wrote down since they'd already been on his mind. He'd been staying at the Leaky Cauldron for a week now, and he felt like the list was complete. It was like a testament of his sins, of all the reasons he'd been right to leave because Sirius deserved so much better.

His mind told him it had been the correct decision at the same time his heart screamed in pain.

He missed Sirius. It was like missing half of his self. Any time he left to buy food instead of eating the inn's meals, he bought too much, like he was buying for two and not one. He'd see a ridiculous ad in the Prophet and wanted to turn the paper to show Sirius.

It was going to take a while for him to get used to the change. That's all this was. Sirius had been a part of his life for over a decade. He wasn't going to get used to not seeing him after only a week.

Someone knocked on the door, and James got to his feet to answer it, assuming it was Tom. He didn't know if Tom pitied him or if he did it for all the people that stayed there longer than a night, but he'd taken to checking in on James-- ostensibly to make sure the 'accommodations were still satisfactory'. He opened the door, and instead of Tom, it was Lily.

It was obviously a day that she had off from work, because she was dressed down, hair pulled back, and she wasn't wearing any makeup. "Hey," she said with a small smile. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Er, sure," he said, stepping back. There was a small table with two chairs in all the rooms, so James sat down and hid the list from view as she closed the door.

Lily walked over and took the other chair, crossing her legs and putting one arm on the table so she could lean onto it. "How've you been?" She knew about the breakup. James hadn't told anyone, but the sympathy in her face was hard to misplace. Not to mention that she'd known to look for him here.

"I'm fine," he lied. "How's Sirius?"

"A mess. It would almost be interesting to see what someone looks like after having their heart ripped out if I wasn't wondering what the hell you were thinking when you did it. So James, what the hell were thinking? This isn't like you. Sirius means the world to you, and he's hurting right now. You shouldn't be the cause of it, you should be there, comforting him."

"You didn't even ask what happened."

"You said you were fine. If you didn't think this was your fault, you would've been more open about it. Maybe not with me, because I know we don't talk about our feelings with each other all the time, but you would've given me something different than what you'd tell some sodding stranger." She took a deep breath. "Look. Sirius is miserable. You're miserable. You think it's your fault, which-- from where I'm standing-- means this is fixable. If you want to talk to me about it, I'm here. If you'd rather talk to someone else about it, I suggest you give them a visit very soon."

James knew that the smart thing to do would be to tell her that he had the situation in hand, but she was right; he was miserable, and more than that, he was tired of it. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into Sirius's arms and just exist with him again. "Do you remember that party a few weeks ago? You were whinging about something Remus does that drives you barmy."

"I remember."

"And Remus said that I did it too."

"Yeah."

"And Sirius laughed it off."

"I can't say I remember that part too well, but okay. Where are you going with this?"

"I'm terrible to live with. Any time Sirius tried to correct me on something, I blew him off, and he only ever did it for little things anyways. I'm- I was a horrible flatmate-- and by extension boyfriend-- and he didn't talk to me. For a couple things, yeah, he did try to talk to me and I didn't listen, but the rest of it? He never mentioned anything. He shouldn't have had to, I know that now, but it's... I couldn't ask for him to forgive all that."

Lily blinked, slowly digesting that. "So you broke up because you were doing a whole bunch of annoying things around the flat? Is that what you're saying?"

"It's not just the stuff around the flat; it's what it meant. Sirius was having to do everything, and I was acting like a tosser about it for no good reason."

She nodded. "I can see where you're coming from. You want my advice?"

"I'm not sure there's any advice to be given about a relationship that's already finished," James said.

"Do you want my advice or not?"

James motioned as if to say 'go ahead'.

"That's definitely a problem, but I don't think it's something worth breaking up over. Did Sirius say that it was bothering him? Rhetorical question, I know he didn't. He has no idea what's going on. He's convinced you fell out of love with him and never said anything."

"What?" James asked, aghast. "That's ridiculous!"

"You can get into that later. My point is that maybe you did have things that you needed to work on, but all of them combined still don't look like a good enough reason to breakup. You have a problem like that, and you talk about it. You don't bail."

"How would you know? You've never dated anyone for longer than two months. Sirius and I have been together since we were sixteen. It's not really the same."

"Lucky for you, then, that I'm not giving this advice based on my own personal experience. I've never found someone that I can get on with for long enough to have these problems, but I do pay attention. From where I'm sitting, it looks like you had a real problem in your relationship for the first time, and you panicked."

"I didn't panic," James denied. It was a bit of a lie because he had panicked, but it's not like he'd thought of it and then run for the hills. "I looked at the situation and came to the conclusion that we couldn't fix it."

"You came to that decision all by yourself? Without talking to Sirius?"

"That's what 'by myself' means, yes."

"And you don't see a problem with that? That you thought there was this big problem in your relationship and you didn't talk to your partner about it?"

"I'm not really hearing anything that makes me want to change my mind."

"I think Sirius deserves better from you."

James went quiet. "I told him," he said slowly, "that it wasn't his fault."

"Is there a reason you didn't tell him all of this?"

"Yes," James said and didn't elaborate. Lily was judging him enough without him admitting that he hadn't talked to Sirius because he didn't trust him to be honest.

With the time that had passed-- or maybe it was just the space-- that reason didn't sound as good as it had when he left.

He blew out a breath. "Look, thanks for coming by, but we can deal with this on our own."

Lily's expression was tight like she wanted to argue, but eventually she said, "Fine," and got to her feet. "Don't be afraid to owl if you ever want to chat or get tea or summat, yeah?"

"Yeah. It was good to see you."

She left, but the effect her conversation had on James lingered. Maybe he'd overreacted a little. He could've talked to Sirius about it. He should've. He hadn't wanted to bring all of it up with him though, only for Sirius to insist that it wasn't a big deal. He hadn't trusted Sirius to tell him the truth if it did bother him, and if Sirius hadn't realised before that it bothered him, he'd thought that with his absence, Sirius would figure it out.

But James was miserable, and if Lily was to be believed, Sirius was miserable too. The last thing James wanted was to make Sirius sad. He'd broken up with him because he'd genuinely thought that it was the best option.

He'd gotten the time and space that he'd asked for, and he'd changed his mind-- with a little help from Lily, but he wasn't in the mood to admit that to her. The next step would be to talk to Sirius about it, the way he should have from the beginning.

With a sigh, James got to his feet and put on his shoes. He'd check by the flat and see if Sirius was there. If he wasn't, then James would send him a letter and ask if he wanted to talk. The only reason he didn't do that first was because he didn't want to make Sirius worry. If he showed up and they could talk, it would be easier than planning a big meeting and letting both of them get anxious about it.

He walked down to Diagon before disapparating, landing on the welcome mat for their flat. He knocked on the door, then ran a hand through his hair anxiously. What if Sirius told him to get lost? What if they could've worked through the original issues, but James leaving was too much for Sirius to forgive?

The door opened, and James's mind went blank.

"Hey," Sirius said, reserved. There were dark circles under his eyes, but he'd always had trouble getting to sleep. He had his hair pulled back too, which usually meant that he was too tired to take a shower. Sirius looked basically the same way he always did, if a little more worn out; James probably looked a hell of a lot worse.

"Erm. Yeah, hi. Hello." James winced at how awkward that sounded, ruffling his hair some more. "I was... hoping we could talk? About us?"

"Yeah, sure," Sirius said easily, opening the door wide and stepping aside to give James space.

The door closed, and James turned to him, blurting, "Are you mad at me?"

Sirius blinked, confused. "Like, for breaking up with me? I mean, yeah, a little. It came out of nowhere, and you kept saying that we weren't happy together."

"That's not- I mean, yes, that's good to know, but that's not what I meant. Before that. When we were living together like normal. Were you mad at me?"

"No? What kind of question is that? Did you really move out because you thought I was mad at you for some imagined slight?"

"No."

"No?"

"It was more like-" James shifted his weight uncomfortably. "It was more like I thought about all the stuff you were doing around the flat that I refused to help with. Or that thing with the milk? All you did was ask me to put it away when I was done, and instead of saying yes like a good boyfriend, I sodding made you do it."

Sirius blinked at him again. "You left," he said slowly, "because you thought I was pissed off about the milk and the fact that you don't clean the shower."

"It sounds stupid when you say it like that," James muttered.

"I don't care about the sodding milk. Or the way you leave your laundry sitting around for days even though you end up having to wash it again. Does that annoy me? Yeah, but it's- it's not worth you."

"See, that," James said, pointing at him. "That's why I didn't talk to you about first. I knew you'd make excuses and say that it didn't matter to you even when it does."

"You broke up with me because I don't punish you for doing shite that bothers me?" Sirius asked incredulously. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You break up with someone because you don't love them anymore or because they've done something you can't forgive, not because you don't always clean the sodding flat."

"But you deserve better. You shouldn't have to do all of that, and you shouldn't have to put up with someone that just lets it happen! I wasn't about to tell you that you have to forgive me over and over when I bugger up."

"Who the hell have you been dating this entire time? Do you even know me? It's me, James. I clean the toilet, like, every single week because it gives me something to do. It doesn't need to be cleaned that often, but you know how I am about cleaning-- or at least you knew when we first moved in together."

"You said it cleared your head," James said, remembering. Bugger. How had he forgotten that? He'd spent weeks thinking about this, and not once had he remembered the way Sirius cleaned his room at the Potter's house every single week like clockwork. At Hogwarts had been different because of the house elves, but when Sirius was anywhere else, he liked to clean. Turn on some music, and he spent a couple hours up to his elbows in cleaning charms and loving it.

"Yeah, so why would this be any different? The milk thing- okay, I admit that one did kind of piss me off, but everything else? Even the laundry thing is annoying when it gets in my way, but I don't actually care. Just- for Merlin's sake, come home. I hate it here without you."

"I thought you'd be happier without me," James said quietly, because it was important to him that Sirius knew where he'd come from. The chores were the details that he'd been wrong about, but the conclusion had come from a place of caring.

Next thing he knew, Sirius was hugging him, arms almost painfully tight. James hugged him back, just as firmly. "Next time you think that, for fuck's sake, ask me first. I'm happy with you."

James swallowed thickly. "I happy with you too. Does this mean I can move back in?"

"If you don't, I'm kidnapping you."

#prongsfoot #marauders #fanfic #james potter #sirius black #lily evans #filled #established relationship #no voldemort au #post hogwarts #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

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ermbabyel · 3 years

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hi hi hi !! may i please request a personality ship with bts and ateez !! i apologize in advance bc it's super long </3

I’m a 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) girl with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark on my bottom lip!), my long legs (that look so so so so good in skirts and dresses), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with), and i am an i/enfj (i got 51% extravert 49% intra the first time, then 50% for both the second time!! ) and i honestly agree—i’m an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up.

i’m extremely passionate about the issues and people i care about and the goals and dreams i have. I’m creative, patient, an extremely good listener, caring, a social butterfly, and extremely hardworking. my friends always told me of my heart of gold and how perceptive i am of the people around me—noticing immediately when something is wrong and trying to make them feel better. I’m also very headstrong, detailed, and determined!! my friends also call me a nerd since i’ve had all a’s since kindergarten—i LOVE school and would describe myself as intelligent. i really like that i’m empathetic and motivational to those around me. it’s really easy for me to show my affection, adoration, and support for someone because i just want everyone to feel loved and safe :( i HATE seeing my loved ones sad, and when people usually have problems about anything (from family to just school), i’m the one they come to talk to because of my warm and openminded heart. I love sharing happiness with my friends in their goals and always hype them up no matter what, and it makes me so so so so happy seeing my loved ones content. im also really, really funny (my fave personality trait of mine tbh)!! I’m always cracking jokes and laughing (sometimes for no reason LMAOO). i would be in the library at like 7 am with my friends and struggle with stifling my laugh from jokes i told </3

I also love to go out and explore—whether trying out a new restaurant in the city or a newly opened amusement park or trying something new, like skydiving (or some other crazy but fun idea), trying recipes from around the world, or trying sledding for the first time! at the same time, i like really chill, mellow spending-time-alone-or-with-one-other-person activities like baking (my favorite treat to bake is red velvet cupcakes and cheddar bay biscuits) and dancing !! (i’ve been a dancer for more than 12 years!!). i can also speak more than 5 languages (including korean!) and i’m always saying random phrases (like thank you, i love u so much!, gtfo my face, that sucks ass) in a random language too LMFAOOO. i often think being a coffee/cafe lover is a personality trait (i love love love love love coffee) i also love accessories (earrings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, rings, etc) and would die of happiness when the day i can wear matching accessories with my s/o comes.

besides being my bestfriend who i can kiss and whatnot (hehe), my ideal type is a TALL (THEY DONT HAVE TO BE but 5’9+...i’m already tall but pls .5 of an inch taller would be enough) man who has eyes for me and only me !!! they may look cold/cool/mysterious/laid back at first glance (like “i dont like u lol” or “yeah haha 🙂" to any other girls but “hi baby what can i do for u today to please the loml” with me <3) but turn into the sweetest, warmest, cutest honey bun once i get to know them! (kinda like me)!! ALSO a man who can pull off all black outfits like those are my FAVORITE omg. he needs to have a BIG sense of humor (like i want to laugh every second i’m with him and laugh so hard that our stomachs start hurting and we beg each other to stop making jokes type of humor), fashionable (so i can learn fashion pls and wear coordinated outfits with him). i just want a boy who i could talk to and listen to for HOURS. like i would follow him into the bathroom as he showers and sit on the toilet and just listen to him talk about his day or vent to him, but also a boy that loves comfortable silence!! like just cuddling with each other or im studying, and hes working on a personal project so that just being with him makes me feel warm <3 i want a s/o who’s willing to go out and travel with me so i could take off guard pics of him and make him my wallpaper until he begs me to change it. im also not good at conflict so if conflict arises, id love a boy who knows how to talk me down and open up the room for conversation and make me feel safe and not as if im confronted or wrong, someone where we can just talk, resolve our problem, and make it up with a hug or night out!! this kinda leads to me wanting a relationship where we both help improve each other and our flaws (for example some of my flaws are callousness, taking things to heart sometimes, and not opening up easily, etc), so i’d really appreciate a relationship where my partner and i can help each other grow as people. i also love love love to cook, so i’d love an s/o that loves cooking with me and teaching each other how to cook each other’s cultural foods (i would love to teach my bf how to cook jollof rice and have a cookoff one day). I like ALL 5 of the love languages but my top 3 tied for 1st are quality time (THIS i want to spend everyday with my bf at chinatown or a new city exploring), words of affirmation (someone who reaffirms me of their love continuously, supportively, and in sweet ways), and acts of service (cooking my favorite food when i’m down, doing chores that i cant do when tired). men who are really expressive through touch are also ideal <3 i'd shy away from pda, but inside the house i’d be so happy yet so shy and flustered when they express their love through touch (like laying in my lap so i can play with their hair, holding my hand while watching tv, cuddling while talking about whatever). OR like the SLIGHTEST compliment or act of love (LIKE BACKHUGS OR HOLDING HANDS OR KISSING MY BEAUTY MARKS OR FOREHEAD KISSESJSJSJSJ). i love a man who's goal oriented, know what he wants, and makes the move first (kinda like taking control of the relationship!!) in all, i’d just love to be really appreciated and loved and also show the same love, support, warmth, closeness, and happiness to my bf <3 tysm <333

Hi hi~! You sound like such a sweetheart and so cute 😍💕 I’ll be super happy to ship you~!

Bts

Yoongi 🥳

I thought of Yoongi right away while reading your submission. You sound like such a sweet and supportive person that I think Yoongi would benefit from being in a relationship with you. You also remind me a lot of hobi when I was reading your description so I think you two would be best friends too~! Yoongi would be intrigued by your appearance, your intimidating aura around you would make him want to know you more. Surely there’s more than meets the eye...and Yoongi was correct. After getting to know you more. He soon learned how such a happy and sweet person you are. He would love the duality of you. It’s keeps him on his toes and yearns to learn more o about you~! Yoongi is a very passionate person as well, especially with his career and his members. And I’m sure he’d be passionate with you too, but he’ll show you in his own little ways. For example, writing songs about you for bts’ new comeback, getting you your favorite foods and drinks when you both have had a long day...he just loves you so much. I can see you, and sope being the three musketeers of bts, you three would do SO much together. Yoongi can be a silly and goofy person as we’ve seen, but only certain people can drawl that aspect out of him, so you and hobi would do SOO well at making him feel comfortable to let loose and have fun~! I can see you and hobi goofing around at the studio with each other and Yoongi would shake his head and act unimpressed, but we all see right through him and he truly adores you in that state~! Yoongi would also think it’s super adorable how flustered and shy you get when he gets touchy with you 👀💜. Just a very cute and wholesome relationship~! 🥰

Ateez

Seonghwa 🥳

You love when your partner takes control? You don’t need to tell Seonghwa twice! The boy would LOVE to take care of you and take the lead in the relationship. I think he’s also naturally dominate, so it would be no problem for him~! I can see you two going on cute coffee dates to local cafè shops close by. Seonghwa would absolutely adore how excited you are about coffee~! He would also think it’s hella attractive that you’re a dancer 👀. He LOOOOVES to watch you dance for himself maybe he would create a dance for only you two to perform. Your legs and lips are how absolute favorite physical traits of yours. Seonghwa would always have a hand on your leg or knee whenever you guys are sitting down. And if you’d let him, Seonghwa would kiss you all day long~! He just loves the feeling of your soft lips against his 💜. Seonghwa also adores how happy and cheerful you are. Especially on hard long days full of practices and performances, your cheerful and loving nature always makes him feel better and soooo much more relaxed. I can see both of you mothering the other members too~! He appreciates you taking care of him at times, but he’s also take opportunities to take care of you too~! Overall a very sweet and loving relationship~! ❤️‍🔥

Again, I am very sorry for the long ass wait 🥺. I hope you enjoy your ships love~! Stay happy and healthy~! 🤗💜

#kpop ships #ateez #seonghwa #Bts #Yoongi #submission

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prettygirlcore · 4 years

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six whole minutes - lim jaebeom (mafia au)

a/n: his name confuses me. this is what google told me, but like is it lim or im? is it beom or bum? pls tell me google isn’t lying to me that would be v embarrassing.

requested by: 🧚‍♀️ anon

it feels like every day jaebeom comes home, he claims he had a bad day. it’s like his whole life has become one long bad day.

he’ll be damned if he comes home on your anniversary in a bad mood. he made sure to stay away from anything that would ruin his mood, delay any missions that could go wrong or meeting with people he didn’t like until tomorrow or after so that he could come home in as good a mood as possible.

he had succeeded somewhat, although he was still kind of with yugyeom being a dumbass, but what else was new? he had gotten used to it for the most part.

your shared home was large, you had no idea what to do with all the rooms. it’s not like you had guests very often, maybe occasionally some of his boys if they need a place to stay, but neither of you ever actually invited people over. jaebeom preferred for this home to be yours, just for the two of you. which didn’t really make sense considering it’s size, but you were complaining. you got to live the luxury life, with butlers and everything, the whole nine yards. even four years into your relationship and jaebeom still feels the need to impress you with his money.

speaking of the devil, jaebeom arrives at the house just as you finish your glass of wine.

“were you drinking without me? i feel betrayed,”

he joked, resting his hand on your shoulder, rubbing circles into your skin softly.

“you said you’d be home at seven pm, so when you weren’t here at seven, i decided it was only fair,”

was he late? he made sure to leave at 6:45 so you’d be together at the right time.

7:06.

“i’m sorry you had to wait six whole minutes without me, my love. how did you even survive?”

he spoke sarcastically, causing a very unattractive snort to come from you, which only made him laugh at you more.

“i didn’t, i died without you. i need a kiss for every second you were late to bring me back to life,”

“that’s what?... 360 kisses? i think i can manage.”

“mmm then come here,”

this was easy. being with you was so easy for jaebeom. it felt like second nature to curl up next to you, your body fitting so perfectly against his.

annnnd that’s all i got for the drabble, but here’s some headcanons!

jaebeom really doesn’t like to get you involved, but sometimes he does vent to you about his problems regarding his mafia business. run your fingers through his hair, maybe rub his back a little, and that should keep him calm. those two little things are a great comfort to him when it comes to you. they let him know that you’re still there.

jaebeom doesn’t really expect you to be an obedient housewife or anything, but it warms his heart to see you do mundane things like fold clothes or cook for him. it just makes him feel like he’s cared for and he likes when you cook in general, even if you’re not the best. he’ll definitely help out with chores if you want him to, as well.

i think a lot of mafia au idols will be one person in front of their men and another in front of you. jaebeom is somehow both the powerful leader of the got7 mafia and a loving boy who likes cats.

speaking of cats! you’ll have a lot of cats!! he likes to watch you care for the cats because it makes him think that one day, you could maybe have a child together.

he really wants to be a father, but would hold back if you were worried about him still being an active mafia boss while having a child. i’m not sure if the want for a child would make him retire the mafia life, but he would definitely consider hanging up the title sooner.

#got7 #got7 writing #got7 fluff #got7 imagines #got7 drabbles #got7 x reader #got7 jaebeom #lim jaebeom #lim jaebeom x reader #jaebeom fluff

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an-ambivalent · 5 years

Text

Uchiha Therapist: Part I

Synopsis: Yandere! Madara x Reader x Yandere! Sasuke

[Name] is a struggling post graduate psychology student who has more on her plate than she can handle. Between her practicums to gain work experience and writing reports, to trying to maintain a decent lifestyle and look after her own mental health, there is little to no time left to work an actual paying job. Yet, money is essential for survival. So, she does the next best thing that has been trending recently to assure a good paycheck; she becomes a sugar baby. The only thing is, [Name] is unaware that she’s become sugar baby of the Madara Uchiha, the notorious CEO of Uchiha Corporation. She is also unaware of the fact that she’s the therapist of his nephew Sasuke Uchiha, who has begun treading over the professional boundary of a patient, and has started developing an abnormal fixation for his therapist since she seems to be the only one who actually understands him.

Warning: Although this story will come to contain yandere themes that can be triggering or uncomfortable to read, there are no yandere themes present in this chapter. It does have mentions of negative and tiring thoughts that may be triggering. Read at your own risk. This work is purely fictional and any yandere or other toxic behaviours that may be present in the future, know that I do not condone such behaviour.

Word Count: 4K

Story start; A day in the life of [Name]

On the night that started it all, when [Name] was feeling particularly disheartened and dissatisfied with her life, she had vented her frustrations and sorrow to her good friend Ino Yamanaka. Although many things in her life were going right, and she was privileged enough to have the chance to pursue her wanted career, it came at a cost. Her entire life schedule was fixed around her post graduation studies, other little spared time was for cooking and doing chores, and the rest was for sleeping. [Name] lacked the time for earning money, and doing things that were higher on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — dating to find someone to create a meaningful connection with, or working on her previous hobbies.

The two friends had been consuming enough booze to be a little more than tipsy but not enough to be drunk. Some words were slurred, the fine motor control had decreased a bit, and with their faces slightly flushed, Ino was convinced that she had the best idea to [Name]’s problems.

Giggling at her own idea, Ino had snatched [Name]’s laptop from in front of them, and tapped various keyboard keys for joogle to search up. Once she saw the results, she clicked on one of the many websites shown as a result, and after a few more minutes of more clicks and keyboard taps, she had turned the laptop towards [Name] to see, with a triumph grin on her face.

“A sugar daddy,” Ino claimed proudly.

[Name] raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“A sugar daddy — it’s the perfect solution for your troubles. Not only will you get to earn more than enough, it covers the dating aspect too! Someone to spend your time with, to sleep over with — just without getting too attached. You’ll have a social life once again that doesn’t consist of you drinking booze with me or our other friends and you can finally afford to look decent again,” Ino explained straightforwardly.

[Name]’s eye twitched. “What do you mean finally afford to look decent again?” she inquired in a low voice, and glared at Ino, who smiled sheepishly at her.

“Well you’ve been a fashion disaster for sometime now—“

“Sorry I don’t have rich parents like the rest of you to buy me extravagant brands,” [Name] retorted, and a tick mark of anger bulged on Ino’s head.

“Well Sakura is a commoner like you too and even when she was a starving student, she still had a fashion sense. You don’t need to buy something expensive like jucci to look decent!” Ino snapped, and [Name] scowled at her.

“Whatever. This discussion is pointless anyway since I’m not going to become a sugar baby,” [Name] responded, and went to grab a bottle to consume more alcohol. However, the uneasy and anxious expression that Ino wore made her halt amidst her movements. All of a sudden, a cold shiver ran down [Name]’s back, and she felt a sense of dread building up in her gut.

“Please tell me you didn’t,” [Name] pleaded and Ino winced inwardly, before she turned the laptop around to show [Name].

“I did… I already signed you up. You have a date with him this Friday night.”

“INO!”

That was the gist of how [Name] had become entangled in her predicament with Madara Uchiha, and what was meant to be nights for [Name] giving her daddy some casual sugar, turned into an diabetic sugar addiction.

It was baffling really, how as children, people can be better in following orders than they can be as adults. And for someone like [Name], who had been studying psychology for years now, and began to work with the theories, one would think that practicing what she preached would be easier; she was great at helping her clients, but not much at helping herself.

“Make sure you don’t go with strangers” — a lesson that had been engraved in children at school and from their parents for their own safety. It was one of the most basic rules of common sense to evade danger; however, it was the rule [Name] failed to follow. Instead of not going through with her fixed date with a sugar daddy, who was a complete stranger and who knows pose what danger, she had gone through with it. And she had not even taken any caution to have their first meeting in a public place, no. She had gone to his home, which was the only place he accepted for their meeting, because she was too anxious to say no or not go through with it.

She really wondered how she was able to help her clients so well when she could not even manage her own anxiety.

So, now, here she sat. Since by Ino’s definition, [Name] was a walking fashion disaster, the blonde had refused to let her go without her help. Their tastes differed, but even [Name] had to admit that Ino had done an incredible job in helping her choose an outfit that was suited to her tastes. Granted, it was skimpier than what she usually wore and more figure defining, but it did make her look really nice. She did not look like a savage mess with evident dark eyebags who appeared to have just gotten out of bed and went to work straightaway like she did on a daily basis. But she felt exposed and uncomfortable in the setting she was not accustomed to.

The penthouse she had been invited to was extravagantly luxurious; the small dining for the two of them (her and soon to be her sugar daddy) was right next to the giant window in the living room that showed a beautiful night view of the Konoha city. Lighting in the room was ambient and romantic, and there was a small pizza, that looked ridiculously expensive for what it's worth, and red wine settled before her. While she did not want to indulge in such luxury, feeling on the edge of the seat because of how her sugar daddy to be was scrutinizing her with calculating onyx eyes, and never being the one to refuse free food, she mindlessly ate it, refusing to meet his eyes.

“You know, usually you’re supposed to make conversation and sell yourself to try and convince me of why I should stick with you rather than someone else,” Madara spoke, and this was so abrupt and unanticipated on [Name]’s part that she froze half way through biting her food. Her cheeks felt hot in embarrassment, and she awkwardly coughed loudly before looking up at Madara. Although he found her antics to be somewhat adorable, he kept a straight face. After all, to gain the attention of a man of his status, there were many who did the strangest things to appease him. Madara was not a man to be tricked so foolishly.

“Why should I sell myself when you haven’t convinced me to why I should be your….uh, sugar b-baby rather than s-someone else’s?” [Name] responded. She had started off strongly, but near the end when it came to referring to herself as a sugar baby and realisation of the situation sunk in, she felt herself become more flustered.

Now, it was not odd for people to be intimidated by Madara. However, acting in confidence at the same time, and to question his authority, that was new. The corner of his lips twitched upwards in amusement. He leaned back in his chair and raised a fine black eyebrow at [Name].

“And why should I have to sell myself to you? I’m the one who, essentially, is paying for everything,” he challenged, and [Name] scoffed at him.

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s really costing you,” she mumbled under her breath, before clearing her throat. “Someone else can pay me too.”

“You had no reviews on your profile, you’re lucky that I even chose to click on it. Usually, it’s hard to get started since no one bothers with anyone with no reviews.”

[Name] shrugged. “That was your own choice, don’t shift the situation onto me. And besides, how do you know it's only reviews that count online? I might know a lot of other sugar daddies I had in my past that desperately want me but it's lucky that I chose to give you, a stranger, the chance.”

Madara was amused by the fact that [Name] had used his own logic against him, and could not help but smirk. Even though it was more than obvious through her behaviour that she was an absolute newbie to this, he decided to humour her.

"Well, I am an Uchiha," Madara said simply, as if that sole reason explained everything.

[Name] blinked in confusion. "Uhhh, okay…? Well, I'm [Surname]. That explains why you should choose me.”

This time, her response really did leave Madara confused. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was clear confusion written on his face.

“You don’t know the Uchiha?” he asked incredulously. The urge to sigh in an exaggerated manner and snap at him was strong, but [Name] decided against it. With the way he spoke in that condescending tone, and expected [Name] to treat him as if he was of utmost importance, made it more than obvious to her that he was used to being treated as the highest authority. Perhaps he was of importance and not watching herself around him could lead her into a huge mess. But [Name] did not particularly care about his status or whatever he had going on that made him expect her to seemingly kiss the floor he walked on. If she cared about authorities and sucking up to people, then she would not be training to be a therapist in the first place. There were going to be times when she would have to fight authorities and regulations with her sweat and blood for the sake of her clients. And really, if [Name] did care, she would not have been here in the first place -- having dinner with a complete stranger.

“Uh I do?” she said, but it sounded more like a question. Madara opened his mouth to respond to her, but he shifted the focus of the conversation to another topic. He felt even more perplexed by [Name] now because how could she not know the Uchiha?

“Nevermind, it’s not of importance. Tell me, why are you in this line of business? You don’t seem,” fit for it, he wanted to say, but chose his words carefully. “The type to want to do this.”

In response, [Name] felt flustered. She wondered if it was really that obvious that she was not used to it and Madara was simply humouring her. She could very well tell him the truth that it was because Ino had tricked her into it. However, that would make her seem gullible. Now that she may be committing to this, she knew she needed to build a good reputation for herself. She decided to tell the half-truth.

“I need the money,” she answered in a murmur, before she brought the glass of wine to her lips, and took a huge drink from it.

Madara watched her with analytical eyes as she downed her alcohol, taking no moment to savour the taste. He had also noticed how she was on her third plate of their dinner and wondered if she had any decency and how she was capable of eating so much.

“Your job doesn’t pay you enough?” he asked in a genuinely concerned tone, before he followed [Name]’s example and downed his remaining wine in one go too. He had never done that before, and after finishing it, he had to admit there was an odd sense of satisfaction of not savouring its every taste and drinking it all together at once.

Madara was staring at her with anticipation and worry embedded deep in his ebony coloured irides. Frankly speaking, [Name] had not have someone look at her with such concern in a long time. Generally, on the rare occasions she did speak freely about her worries, whoever she shared her problems with would give her their own input rather than simply listening to her and asking her the right questions that would help her discuss or figure out her own problem. The sight of it made her heart beat faster, and she unknowingly found herself talking before she even what she was doing.

“It’s not that… Well, actually I don’t even work. I barely have time to breath, working is my last priority right now,” she murmured, nervously fiddling with her fingers, as she observed Madara from the corner of her eye.

“While I cannot relate to your financial struggles, I understand the situation you’re in. Becoming so busy because of a goal you once had, that you question whether it’s even worth pursuing it anymore. You lose sight of who used to be and the things that brought you pleasure. There’s always something to do that you can’t even remember the last time you truly felt alive,” Madara said thoughtfully, and his words caused [Name]’s eyes to widen.

“And no matter how much you want to try and change things, it just feels like you’ve been stuck in the same cycle and it keeps repeating over and over and over again,” [Name] murmured, sighing dejectedly. “I really hate the world.”

Madara chuckled at her declaration as he lifted another bottle of wine that was on their table.

“Me too. Why don’t we discuss more things we hate about the world and learn about what we in common over more wine?” he suggested. The edge of suspicion and tenseness he held before was no longer present. Instead, he was now feeling much more relaxed than he had in awhile, and felt intrigued about [Name]. The twinkle in his eyes in hopes to talk to her more caused her lips to stretch into a cute flustered smile.

“Sure.”

____________________

It was the week which was like the last and there was no change but stress levels felt higher. Even after a decent ten hours sleep, [Name] felt exhaustion crawling like bugs underneath the epidermis layer of her skin. Dark bags were swelled prominently underneath her eyes. Her hair was tied carelessly in a messy bun that fell to one side; it wasn’t pretty like the one’s beauty gurus showed. It was loose but the knot was tight enough to make the weight of the hair feel too evident with each passing moment. Taking a quick sip from her steaming mocha, she greeted the administrators on the front desk that were the first point of contact between clients and the therapists who worked further back in the office. This office was where [Name] was presently working to gain practice experience in her second practicum. Generally, students in training were simply meant to observe and learn. If permission given by their supervisor, they could step in. But in [Name]’s case, for the sake of the story’s plot, the office she had chosen this time were understaffed. And since she already had finished one practicum and had quite a lot of other experiences from volunteering under her belt, she was trusted to work independently with whatever clients may be assigned to her.

“Good morning Moegi and Konohamaru,” [Name] greeted, and the two looked up from their screens. When they noticed it was [Name], they beamed at her and returned her greeting in response.

“How was your weekend [Name]?” Konohamaru asked, as he handed her the appointment schedule of everyone she would seeing today.

[Name] was ready to give her autopilot response of it being "okay" and then quickly shooting a "how about you" like she usually did. However, before those words left her mouth she paused to ponder: truly, how had her weekend been?

It was okay. Actually, it had been more than okay.

It had surprisingly been a lot of fun. When she had went through with her sugar daddy date, she had somewhat expected that she may end up having sex with a rich man she would not have been attracted to and receive compensation for sleeping with him. But that had not been the case. Madara was quite attractive, and although the dinner date had begun with a few subtle jeers thrown at each other, she had ended up having a good time with him. The fact that she felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him in the way she didn't even feel that level of comfort with her friends, and shared things she hadn't even known she was bottling up - - it was such a profound experience. To go from discussing their hatred for many things, to confessing secrets and feelings they weren't judged for, but rather, listened to, to getting so drunk that they sang cheesy songs and ended the date with their own unplanned karaoke night, it left an odd feeling of satisfaction and joy in [Name]'s chest that she had not felt in a while. The knowledge of knowing that she would be seeing Madara again soon left her feeling embarrassed.

"It was," she began, and she covered her face with one hand to hide her embarrassment. "Really nice and fun. I had a good time," she murmured somewhat quietly. Then, right away, she scurried off towards her office before they could question her further or talk about their own weekends.

[Name] had left Moegi and Konohamaru surprised with her response, and the two turned to each other wondering if they had heard right.

It was after lunch when [Name] was indulging in some [favourite fruit] iced tea, hoping some sugar would help her stay awake when she had an appointment with a client she would be seeing for the first time. She had settled her drink on the table beside her, walked through the hallway, and into the main office with reception and waiting area for clients.

It was there she saw a young man not much older than herself. He had warm ivory skin and black hair bangs that framed his face. The back of his head looked like a duck’s butt. He must have heard her footsteps because before she even called out his name, he had looked up. When her eyes met his, she took a sharp intake of breath because he looked oddly similar to Madara. The way his obsidian eyes scrutinised her made her feel uneasy. Nonetheless, she gave him, what she hoped appeared to be a welcoming and reassuring smile.

“You are Sasuke?” she assumed, and he stood up.

“Hn,” Sasuke responded simply, and at the lack of any greeting or even a facial expression caused [Name] to sweatdrop. But nonetheless, she carried on like she did with all of her patients.

“Before we start your session, did you want anything? A hot chocolate, coffee, water?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this before he replied nonchalantly. “A black coffee.”

[Name] nodded and just before she could speak once more, a head of messy black curls invaded her vision and she was greeted with a smile that was almost too falsely cheerie for her taste.

“Hello! I’m Shisui, Sasuke’s cousin. And stoic face over there is Itachi, Sasuke’s brother. You forgot about us Miss. Therapist,” Shisui greeted brightly. At his exuberant persona, Sasuke glared at him. The one who he had introduced as Itachi, sighed, and [Name] looked at them apologetically.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t notice you. Can I get anything for you as well? If you’ve been with Sasuke until this point, I can assume you’ll be staying with him.”

Itachi nodded and stepped up front and held out his hand for [Name] to shake, which she obliged to almost instantly.

“Yes. We are here to oversee my little brother’s recovery at my Father’s orders and make sure there is progress,” he explained simply. His words were harsh. It was evident in the way Shisui had become tight lipped, and how Sasuke had now averted his glare onto Itachi. [Name]’s eyes shifted to observe their reaction and then returned to Itachi who was looking at her stoically. It wasn’t too obvious. However, she noticed with the way Itachi’s jaw was clenched more tightly than it had been before. This change in his body language clearly indicated that he had not wanted to say what he did and he did not want to be here. And from the intense glare Sasuke regarded him with, [Name] safely assumed that whatever was going on with Sasuke, Itachi seemed to be a part of it. Underneath Itachi’s pretty eyes, she noticed a sense of tiredness that was all — physical, mental, emotional and more. She saw that same sense of exhaustion on her own face each day.

The session had not even started and this was already turning out to become so complicated. [Name] hoped she would still have her sanity by the time she graduated and came to do this full-time. There were some of her colleagues who never bothered with rules or following basic procedures to assure their clients comfort and wellbeing. Lucky for her clients, she did. And when she needed to, she would bend over backwards and willingly go beyond her capabilities for them.

She knew from the way they all held themselves, and particularly with how Itachi had spoken that they were of important status. Their ‘father asked [them] to be here’ was a subtle way of implying that she could get in huge trouble if she did not comply with them. But [Name] just didn’t care.

She turned to Sasuke with a stern look on her face and motioned towards Shisui and Itachi.

“Do you want them there to support you or would you feel more comfortable with just you? Either way is fine. It’s your decision,” [Name] said smiling at him.

The three raven-haired males that had been introducing themselves moments ago stilled and their eyes widened in shock. Shisui was the first one to snap out of it.

“Uh, Miss. Therapist, I don’t think you know—“

“I know what I’m doing. Please refrain from implying such things and let my client decide for himself,” she retorted, narrowing her eyes. Shisui went to warn once more, but he was stopped by Itachi, who shook his head.

Itachi’s gaze went to Sasuke, and then back to [Name] as he spoke.

“I’m sure she knows what she is doing. We all wish for Sasuke’s wellbeing. We won’t intrude if he doesn’t want us to,” he proclaimed. That was his way of hinting for Shisui to drop the subject, and reassuring both Sasuke and [Name] that he was on their side, particularly with Sasuke, letting him know that he would not let their father find this out.

“Aniki,” Sasuke murmured in disbelief, staring at his brother for a few moments. Then, he looked back at [Name] to see she was still giving him the same sweet and gentle smile she had greeted him with.

Maybe, perhaps, this time, signing up for therapy would be worth it. Maybe he could allow himself to talk to her and not fear judgement and consequences like he had with his previous therapists.

“I’d like it to be by myself,” he murmured, looking away from her with slight pink cheeks. As his eyes had drifted away from hers and met Shisui’s, who gave him a warning look, his shoulders tensed and his eyes snapped back to [Name] right away. “P-Please and t-thank you.”

He did not need to glance at Shisui again to know the oldest male was now grinning at him.

Seemingly, his politeness seemed to be unexpected and Sasuke wanted to scoff at how [Name]’s eyes had lit up in pride. It almost annoyed him because did they really think he was that dimwitted?

“You’re welcome. Now, follow me please. Shisui and Itachi, our session will be around an hour so you can come to pick him up in that time,” [Name] said. The two of them nodded and waved the two goodbye as Sasuke followed after [Name] to her office.

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A/N: (tbh, uhhh, I plan for this to be a yandere story [whispers: eventually] but this chapter is fluffy. I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this or if I’ll add more Uchihas as love interests and turn into a reverse harem for [Name], I’m gonna make shit up as I go along and hope it turns into something decent lol gang gang. I just need to write a story I can write without worries and just enjoy the process of it rather than caring about where it leads. So yeet. I hope you join me on this journey <3)

#yandere x reader #yandere sasuke #yandere naruto #yandere madara #naruto #madara x reader #sasuke x reader #naruto x reader #uchiha x reader #akatsuki x reader #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #possessive #sasuke uchiha #madara uchiha #ambivalent writes #uchiha therapist part 1

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kayokos-villain-imagines · 4 years

Note

SFW Alphabet with Spinner, pls?

// I finally posted actual writing! I'll probably be posting less until these stupid exams are over. //

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Spinner is very affectionate, but awkward about PDA. He won’t get mad if you kiss him in public or anything, just a little embarrassed about the attention. He likes to put an arm around you whenever you’re next to each other or when he’s feeling affectionate but too shy to ask for cuddles.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s quiet and observant when he first meets anyone, but if you spend time with him, act genuinely interested in his passions, and accept him for who he is, he’ll be perfectly happy calling you a friend. He’s just a step below overprotective, and while he won’t come right out and say if something’s bothering him, he won’t lie to you if you ask.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Spinner loves cuddles but won’t admit it. He only cuddles you when you’re alone in a private place. He’ll always make sure everything he does is fine with you, but his end goal is to get as close to you as humanly possible. He prefers to be the big spoon, but doesn’t really care how you cuddle. If he’s had a particularly stressful day, he’ll want to vent to you. He tends to hold you tighter when he’s upset.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Spinner doesn’t really want to settle down, since he’s still focused with Stain’s goals. He’s honestly pretty bad at both cooking and cleaning, but if you ask him to do something, he’ll do it to the best of his abilities.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would probably happen after a big fight, if they said things they shouldn’t have and he realized they weren’t meant for each other. He wouldn’t want to be alone again, so he’d be really reluctant to come out and say what he actually means when he tries to break up with you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Marriage is something he likely only things about once his career as a villain has cooled down a bit. If you stay by his side for that long, he’ll have no doubts about who he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

At the beginning of your relationship, he’s very gentle in both respects. Even when you’ve been together for a long time, he’ll still back off instantly when he thinks he’s hurt you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs, but only when you’re alone together. Despite this, he’ll never turn one down, but he will freeze up quietly panic. Very rarely, he’ll initiate. When he does, he blushes and hides his face in your hair.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Spinner will wait until you say it first. After you’ve both said it for the first time, he’ll save the utterance for special occasions so as to not tarnish its meaning.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Spinner gets jealous when you’re around anyone with a typical appearance, but he doesn’t want you to lose a friend over his insecurities, so he might not say anything at first. This results in him quietly eyeing your companion, and only speaking up if they get flirty or you seem uncomfortable.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Spinner’s awkward about giving kisses because he has a snout, so he rarely tries to kiss you. Kissing him will result in a blush (like every other sign of affection or intimacy), but he especially enjoys neck kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Don’t. Let. Spinner. Babysit. He doesn’t actively try to get kids into trouble, but he knows next to nothing about childcare, and his misguided attempts could very easily have negative consequences.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

You probably wake up first, and find yourself trapped in his arms. He’s a pretty deep sleeper, so you might just have to make yourself comfortable there. He’s very groggy when he does start to wake up, so don’t expect to have an actual conversation with him anytime soon.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

After dinner, Spinner will want to either play video games or watch a movie, both with you. Even just being close to you is enough to dispel any anger and frustration directed towards the TV. As Spinner gets more tired, he’ll get more cuddly, and you’ll have to be the one to suggest going to bed.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He has to completely trust you in order to fully open up, but when he does, he sort of dumps all of it on you at once. There’s a lot of tears and reassurance and gratitude that night, but you two are even closer afterwards.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He hates fighting with you with every fiber in his body. That being said, fights do happen, particularly when Stain or Shigaraki are involved. He can get fired up when arguing, and sometimes says things he doesn’t mean. He feels really bad about it afterwards, and will focus all his efforts on making it up to you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Spinner has trouble memorizing everything about you, but he remembers what’s important when it counts. He’s very proud of himself when he does learn a small fact about you, and will incorporate it into everything he does for you for days.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment in your relationship is the night he opened up to you about his past. You gave him more love and acceptance that night than he’d ever expected to receive in his life, and it was the night he realized he wanted to be with you forever.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Spinner is very protective of you, and he shows this by staying by your side no matter what. He doesn’t like to think that he needs to be protected, but he won’t complain if you stand up for him. He’s also sorta reckless so you might have to make sure he doesn’t get himself killed in combat.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’ll put more effort into your relationship than most other aspects of his life. You’re his first love, and in his eyes, his only love, so he’s very wary about messing up and losing you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

As previously mentioned, he gets carried away during arguments and can say things he doesn’t mean, sometimes if you ask him to do a chore he’ll get distracted and forget, he doesn’t really know how to clean up after himself so you’ll have to help him out there too.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He gels up his hair but that’s about it. He’d rather not have to look in a mirror for extended periods of time, and he’s surprised you don’t seem to mind staring at his unmasked face while you’re home together.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

The longer you’re together, the more affirmative this answer is. At first, you’re just a crush to Spinner, someone he admires and wants in his life, but a few months down the road, and you’re arguably the most important factor in his life.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

No matter how long you’ve been together, he’ll never get used to receiving gifts from you. It doesn’t matter if it’s the new video game he wanted, or a pillowcase you bought after noticing a tear in his old one. Any sign that you care about him enough to spend money on him makes his legs go jello.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

This is pretty obvious, but Spinner would never date a false hero, or a villain who kills without reason. He’d also be turned off if he caught them judging other people based on their appearance, even if they’ve been nice to him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

When Spinner is sleeping in the same bed as you, you’re going to wake up with his arm around you. It doesn’t matter if you fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed, or even if you’ve just had a fight. He does it in his sleep. It embarrassed him at first, but you thought it was sweet.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

#spinner x reader #bnha spinner #mha spinner #shuichi iguchi #shuichi x reader

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alexandrinav0605 · 3 years

Text

Talking to Strangers

Multi-Chapter 2/? LINK TO AO3

We learn more about Penny’s past and actual home life. Another group meeting and Penny gives Steve a piece of her mind.

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TW: Implications of Rape at the end of the chapter.

English is not my first language, therefore, I'm not from US and I do not know how the foster system works, as well as group therapy

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The walk from the therapy place to the Sullivans’ house was short, shorter than Penny would want. Although they weren’t as bad as Skip and the Preachy couple, those were very low standards to go by. Mr. Sullivan basically ignored her while Mrs. Sullivan just talked to her to hand her the chore list and on her first day to explain the rules. She didn’t like them, but to be honest she liked no one.

The thought sink deep, she misses Ned and MJ. The three of them along with Peter were inseparable before May’s dead, before having to move around the city, jumping from one foster house to another. She didn’t miss a single grown-up. She had stopped trusting adults a long time ago; the only adults she once trusted were either six feet under ground or made something to harm her. Ned and MJ told them, Penny and Peter, to trust their social worker, because she was in charge of them and was the one that would take care of them. Surprise, she care about nothing besides her paycheck.

She tried to clear her head, even if the Sullivans hadn’t made a move to touch her, in anyway, she still tried not mad something to made them angry. Besides what Penny wanted for people to see, she still was scare. Scare of her foster parents, scare of finding Skip or the Preachys, more so that her foster parents turn out to be like Skip or the Preachys. If someone ask her what would be preferable, she will say neither, but she knew that was impossible; another Mr. and Mrs. Preachy would be better. Not only because she was terrified of even thinking about her time with Skip, but also because this time the Peter in the equation will be a Penny. Entering the household, she said a quit good evening before going to her room. There weren’t any other children on the house, so she got a room for herself. She left her things, hiding her brother’s ashes under a tab. A month after Peter’s dead, her social worker has come in and began searching for the ashes, tired of Penny carrying around; she didn’t find nothing because Penny already hide it constantly. Now she was very careful not to let them alone and had them with her at all time. She also wasn’t shy to tell them how they took her brother from her and now they want to take his ashes, the only consolation she has left.

She went down to the kitchen, one of the infinite list of chores was to make breakfast, when needed, lunch and dinner. She try to do everything without annoying anyone, she was already on thin ice, and pissing her foster parents won’t do anything to help her.

Looking up to the living room, where Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan were, she wondered what bad she had done in another life to deserve this. At first, she hadn’t believed in bad luck, or any luck at all, but now, there was no other logical explanation for her awful life, in her opinion, everything had gone downside the moment her family left London, her beloved Great Britain and arrived at the United States. They should have never boarded that plane. She tried to concentrate on the food and not in the What If’s. They would change anything, what is done is done. What would change anything was if she were stupid enough to burn the food.

Next Wednesday was awful. First, her school tormentor, Flash, decided it was good to make fun of her the most today of all day, as if therapy wasn’t enough. His teasing was mostly innocent, mostly about her accent and her dead parents, which was a long time ago, so it was relatively okay, and her accent was something she was used to as she moved to New York at five and her accent has never decrease. Today was different, today Peter was the main source and Perter was still a delicate spot for her. Flash knew Peter, but the details of his death were left for her to be tell and she wasn’t about to do it, not to him. So school was hell, and her day was about to get worst.

When she arrived at the therapy building, she entered immediately, finding the Avengers already seated. She took her own sit between Black Widow and Iron Man. Tyler was nowhere to be find and the tension could be felt in the air.

Obviously, it had to be Captain Righteous who had to speak about the vents of last week.

“Listing, kid.” If this was an apology, this wasn’t a good beginning. “I know it was wrong f me to judge you the other day, but you had to understand that you were really good to the mediator the other day.” Now that was the worst apology she had ever received, note that she had receive a very bad one about putting her with a murderer and a rapist before.

As it turns out, his team members also thought that wasn’t the best apology. “Really, Steve?” And that was Natasha Romanoff.

Tony Stark decided to make the next remark. “Hate it to break it for you, Capsicle, but just because you put the word sorry in a sentence doesn’t mean that will be an apology.”

“Let me get something clear, Captain Righteous.” Penny sometimes wonders why she can’t keep her mouth close. “The other day you made a mistake of judging me without knowing what I had been through, now you know that my last foster parent, Mr. Preachy, abused me and my brother to the point where he kill my brother, throwing him to the wall, after hitting him repeatedly and then continue to hit him even though he was already dead.” Now, Penny didn’t cry, but her voice broke at the end. “If I decided to be rude, as you say, to Tyler that is because he was the person that certificated that asshole to be a foster parent and as you can hear he was a shitty foster parent. He fail to protect me more than once.” Rogers was just looking at her. “You know shit about me, you know nothing about what has happened to me and what made me hate people. I don’t treat social workers bad just because I want to, I treat social workers bad because some of them just want to place kids on fosters homes so they can receive a commission without caring about the child in question. So, you can go and put that apology down your ass because I don’t want it until you learn how to deliver a proper one.” Barton, Rogers, and Banner looked shook, Romanoff looked neutral, while the others just had an amused face at Rogers misfortune. “Let me give you a piece of advice, don’t judge people you don’t know or even better don’t judge people without knowing if they have a past that mad them the type of person they are.” The last part was a full hate scream, she had enough people judging her that knew what happened, the last thing she needs was to people to judge her without even knowing. “I don’t need to ask forgiveness for being the person I have become when the people that made possible for me to turn into this never ask me for it.” She look at Steve Rogers straight in the eyes and the man just shiver under her gaze. That girl was terrifying.

He wanted to say something, but before he could, Tyler came in. Tyler being the idiot he was, didn’t notice the tension that could be feel in the room, and continue to introduce the session topic. Penny didn’t participate in today’s activity; she was tired and simply ignore Tyler when he ask her to participate. He let it go, probably to not make a scene like last week. Although she acted like she didn’t pay attention, she did notice the Avengers looking at her, especially Captain Rogers. She hoped they didn’t try to approach her.

Tony Stark wasn’t someone you could impress easily, but when he saw that little girl that seemed like a breeze could destroy her, shouting at Steve, he really was impressed. With honestly, he thought Steve deserved it, after the incident of last session the others try to convince him to apologies and they thought they had succeeded, but they didn’t. Steve’s apology was crap, and he deserved to be put on his place. He wasn’t just impressed by this girl; he was also curious. Penny obviously had a dark past that she try to put behind. Her dead brother was something, the fact that somehow, she had ended in the foster system was another thing, but in between all those things she said to Rogers, she did say this Tyler guy fail her more than once. One time was obviously him placing her and her brother with those foster parents, but the others? Where the other foster parents that hurt her? He didn’t think she had other siblings that die. It could be anything, abuse, neglection or without having to go very far, the girl deserved loving parents, not some decent one, good ones. He would like to think that, that the guy’s mistake was just placing her with decent parents and not good ones, not that it was okay, but seeing this girls history and how much she flinched when she thought no one was looking, Tony thinks that he would be making a right assumption when saying the worst had happened. You name it, punches, starvation, rape? As he said it could be anything.

Contrary to his nature, he decided not to search the girl´s history. That was what therapy was about, right? Maybe at one moment she would open up and if he made any signal that he already knew whatever had happened, she would trust any of them. He knows Penny would notice; he had met the girl in 2 occasions, and he notice she was as observant as Natasha. Another sign of an abuse child.

Finally, the session had ended. He hated those; he was only there because it was required by the government so they could be a team again. He notice the girl didn’t make a move to participate and she also ignore Tyler when he tried to make her say something, so when they were out and Steve started to walk towards her, he tried to stop him. To no one’s surprise Capsicle didn’t care.

Penny lift her eyes from her phone, when Steve was in front on her, eyeing him suspiciously and taking a few steps back. Tony suppressed a flinch, another sign of an abuse child, rejection of nearness.

He began talking before she could go away. “Penny, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. You are right, I don’t know you or what you’ve been through. I’m sorry I judge you, your actions and attitude. It was something unfair from me.” She looked unfazed. Steve let out and sigh and looked at her with an ashamed expression. “Just wanted you to know that I’m really sorry.”

He began walking towards the Avengers when Penny talked. “Thanks.” She look at Steve at the eyes and then she walked away from them, the acceptance to Steve’s apology clear.

Natasha move to stand next to Steve. “That went well.” Then Sam decided to make an apparition. “Can we just talk how terrifying that girl is? Like, man, can she be intimidating if she wants to.”

Tony was the next in the line of let’s tease Cap. “Spangles, that girl looked like she could be carried by a breeze and yet she managed to shut your mouth. I don’t think any of us ever managed to do that.”

Steve just look around, not amuse, and say under his breath. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” And with that all of them began walking to the car. Tony had the feeling this girl will shake their lives.

Penny woke up to the familiar weight over her, Skip was here. She tried to suppress her whimpers, so he didn’t know she was awake; he made her participate when she notice she was, and she already felt dirty enough as it was. Peter had died 3 moths ago, and it was in days like today that she missed him the most. He would have done something; he wouldn’t paralyzed like she did. If that weren’t true at least she would have a companion.

“C’mon Einstein, I know you’re awake” His voice made her have nausea. She wondered how she was so stupid to trust him.

She began sobbing, begging for him to stop. Aunt May always told her and Peter that if they didn’t like something, they had to tell them to stop; she was doing that, why wasn’t Skip stopping? She wanted Peter, her Aunt, Uncle, and her parents. She wanted to be happy again. She wanted to go back to London where she knew the foster System was better. She wanted to go back in time to when her parents were alive and so was Peter. At least, she begged in her mind, let me have Peter with me.

As Skip continue doing what he was doing, she look at him through the tears in her eyes. No, Skip wouldn’t stop because of Peter, he would probably do the same that he was doing to her. She couldn’t be that selfish, Peter was dead, murder by the hands of a monster. The only lucky thing was that he didn’t met a worst monster. She would get over it, she would rise, and this will be just a bump. She will get over this, she always did.

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multisugars · 5 years

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧— how they comfort you when you’re stressed out

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬// 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 — can you do an outsiders reaction where the reader has too much on their plate (work, school, etc.) and their SO asks them if they're ok and the reader just bursts out crying from stress?

i did add a couple different sceneries! because i didn’t want to write the same thing for each of them, but it all has the same feel to it!! xx

𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙮

your boss decided to call you into work last minute. it’s only been a few hours since you returned home. which means you haven’t even gotten enough sleep to feel replenished. you wished so badly to tell him no, but he’s extremely hard headed and strict. especially towards the woman that work for him. and, you know you could use the extra money, as you’re putting on your uniform you can’t help but feel a sense of tiredness, it’s so overwhelming it makes you start to feel weak at the knees. you immediately call out for darry.

“what’s wrong y/n?” he asks worriedly.

“i-i’m just so tired,” you cry out. “i feel like my boss never wants me to have a break.”

you sit in the chair that rests in front of your vanity. you’ve never felt this exhausted in your entire life. darry takes notice at your weakened state, he hates to see you so worn out. it’s not normal for you to lack energy, you’re the most bubbly person he knows.

“okay, lets lay you down,” darry slides his arms under your legs and carries you over to your shared bed. you’re more than capable of walking yourself, but you don’t complain.

“just take a nap and rest awhile you need it more than anyone.”

“no,” you struggle to escape his strong hold. “i can’t i have to go to work.”

“not today, you’re not goin’ in i don’t care if i have to go talk to your boss myself,” he pulls the blanket over you tucking you in warmly. “rest now.”

“thank you, darry.”

𝙨𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙥

you’ve been working towards your masters degree in psychology for the past two years. you’re so close to being done but it’s so much work and the assignment you were just assigned is crazy difficult and time consuming, you try to push yourself to get more done before bed, but eventually your hands start to cramp from the all the typing, your muscles ache from the hours of sitting at your desk. soda comes into your room when he gets home from work. he’s immediately concerned when he sees you hunched over with your head in your hands.

“y/n...” he questions. “you alright?”

it doesn’t take much for you to break. all the stress finally came piling down on you.

“hey,” soda kneels down lifting your chin so he can see your face. “relax.”

“there’s so much pressures on me,” you vent. “this assignment is impossible.”

“nothing’s impossible for you,” he reassures. “you can do anything. i just think you need a break.”

“yeah i definitely do, will you lay with me for awhile?”

“of course i will,” he smiles shyly.

𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙮𝙗𝙤𝙮

you anxiously walked up the tall stairs into your HS, today was the day of your history presentation. this is what you’ve been dreading for the past week. public speaking wasn’t at all something you were comfortable with or liked doing, and it doesn’t help that you aren’t friends with anyone in your class, well besides ponyboy. he’s the only one you speak to.

you meet him in the hallway, putting your book bag and unneeded things in your locker. ponyboy noticed your hands shaking as you closed the door.

“you scared about this whole history thing huh?”

“uh- a little,” you shrug trying to hide your nerves.

“you’ll be fine,” he tries to reassure you.

but before you can walk away you can already feel the familiar stinging sensation starting to build up in your eyes, your heart rate accelerates, you feel like you’re drowning and can’t reach the surface.

“i can’t breathe,” you say as sheer panic overtakes your body.

pony’s face softenes. he grabs your hand dropping his books, taking you into the nearest closet.

“shh just look at me okay?”

you nod focusing all your attention on him. he runs his fingers through your hair while wiping a few tears away from your eyes. you take slow steady breathes. this isn’t the first time he’s had to help you get over a panic attack. once your breathing gets back to normal again, you feel like you’re finally ready to go to class.

“okay,” you breathe. “let’s go.”

“ uh we’re gonna need a late pass... unless you want to spend the end of the day in detention.”

you look down at your watch noticing you’re about six minutes late to history.

“damn it!”

𝙙𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙨

it’s been a busy night at the movie theater. you’ve tried your best to fill everyone’s orders while also working the cash register. your boss previously complained about how many workers there are on each shift so he cut back. sadly this leaves you to try and get so many things done at once. the stress of it all is starting to really affect you, but you can’t quit. you need this job more than anything right now so you can afford to get books for school.

even though your boss a jerk you do somewhat like this job, you’re a people person so seeing familiar faces every week puts you in a good mood, but every now and then you’ll get a disrespectful customer. this time it was a group of boys, you recognize some of them from the college you attend.

“what shit movies are playing tonight?” one of them asks while skimming through the candy.

“can you read? look at the boards outside..” you try your best to keep your cool.

“i don’t think you employees are allowed to talk to us paying clients like that,” his demeanor quickly shifts.

“hey we gotta problem here,” you hear a voice from behind the guys. knowing immediately who it is.

they quickly scurry off, as dallas pushes himself to the front of the line.

“you okay doll?”

“i am now,” you say softly as you wipe just a single tear from your cheek. you didn’t really care about the boys but it never feels good to be embarrassed at your place of work.

“don’t let those jerk offs make you cry.”

you nod and sneak in a quick kiss before dal leaves.

𝙟𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙣𝙮

“why can’t he do it this time! i’m going to be late!” you argue. your parents have asked you to clean the house again for the third time this week, and you normally don’t have a problem with helping out but your brother has been sitting in his room playing video games all day and you need to be somewhere. you feel like they always pick you at the most inconvenient times, and the worst part is johnny is waiting for you outside, you’d hate to make him wait.

“your brother is sick and slow! it would take him an hour to even sweep the kitchen,” you mom says as she puts her coat on.

“he’s not sick! he’s playing video games!”

“do it y/n! or you and johnny won’t be going anywhere tonight,” you dad warns as he slams the door behind him leaving you in a mess.

“WHATEVER!”

you collapse on the couch, breaking out into a full on crying fit. it feels like your parents are punishing you. johnny must have heard your cries from the front porch because without knocking he opens the front door, approaching you slowly.

“hey you okay?” his asks trying to help but this only makes it worse.

your cries get louder and johnny is completely stunned. he’s never seen you this emotional. you’re almost positive he’s going to think your absolutely insane after tonight.

“my parents hate me!” you say dramatically.

“i don’t think that’s true.”

“they are always making me clean things or do everyone’s chores,” you sigh. “we can’t leave until i sweep and mop all the floors.”

“well i’ll help ya,” johnny offers.

“really?!”

“yeah, but we better get started...” he pulls you up from the couch bringing his jacket sleeve up to your eyes so he wipe your tears away.

𝙩𝙬𝙤-𝙗𝙞𝙩

“i get that ma’am but i don’t have the receipt.”

“then i’m sorry hun...we can’t exchange it.”

you were trying to get a new shirt for two-bit. the one that you previously ordered had came in to small. but since you ordered it off the store website you didn’t have a paper receipt, and your order wasn’t showing up on their computers, which made you frustrated.

“so there’s no way i can get a new one? or even just get my money back?” you question.

“i’m sorry,” the cashier shakes her head obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

you don’t respond, instead you leave the shirt on the counter and walk out. it might not be a huge deal for some people but you didn’t have a lot of money. and you were out 25$, with nothing to show for it. when you get home two-bit is lazily slumped over the arm rest of the couch, drinking a beer.

“hey baby where’d you sneak off to?”

“the clothing store down town...”

“what’s up? you seem upset?” he asks lifting himself up from the couch.

your shoulders slump down as you bring your heads up to cover your face.

“wow wow don’t cry! sorry for askin.”

“no it’s not that,” you tell him. “they wouldn’t let me exchange your shirt today.”

“and that’s what you’re cryin over?” two-bit laughs wrapping his arms around your frame. “it’s fine.”

“i just wanted you to have something special.”

“you’re all i need y/n.”

𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙫𝙚

steve had decided last minute to stop and get gas at the DX before the two of you finish your date. this annoyed you a little since you tell him every morning to just fill up while he’s at work, i mean makes sense right? but with his forgetful nature it’s hard to keep him on track with things. when you pull into the gas station it’s pretty empty, only one car parked along the gas lineup. steve steps out to pump and you go into the store to pay. when you walk in you’re met with a very rude and arrogant man who pushes you aside so he can be helped first at the register.

“excuse you sir?” you’re taken aback. “i was in line first.”

he laughs not offering you a response. the lady working the register meets your gaze and mouths “i’m sorry” in your direction. she must not be a very confrontational person, which you understood.

“i’m only paying for gas it won’t take long,” you add hoping the man will let you go since steve is waiting outside in the freezing weather.

“not my problem, you got somewhere to be?”

“actually yes, i do.”

“dressed like that?” the man scoffs. laughing as he scans up and down your body.

you might not have name brand clothes like him, but they weren’t dirty or disgusting looking. as he hands the lady his credit card to pay you can’t help but hang onto his cruel insult. right before you’re about to storm out the doors, steve runs right into you, latching on tightly to both sides of your arms. you lean your head into his chest.

“hey what’s goin’ on?”

you wrap your arms around his waist, crying softly as you reply the mans insult over in your mind.

“that man he-he was being a complete jerk!”

“what did he do?! huh did he hurt you!” steve becomes more aggressive.

you shake your head.

he takes out a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes your eyes gently, while also trying not to smear your eye makeup. you laugh at his sweet gesture.

“you’re the best,” you lift onto your tiptoes placing a small kiss on his forehead.

“i know,” he smirks. “now let’s go outside before that jackass leaves i wanna give him a piece of my mind.”

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