#i put my own personal touches on it but i still really like the outcome!

[still-living-like-im-trying]

Original photo inspiration and sketches under the cut:

[ecargmura]

Wind Breaker Episode 9 Review - Dr. Umemiya's Physical Therapy Session

I thought this was a delinquent anime. Why am I watching Dr. Hajime Umemiya performing physical therapy on Choji? I hope Shishitoren pays Umemiya a hefty amount for this therapy session because Choji made his problems everyone else’s.

There might be people disappointed about the outcome of this long awaited fight, but remember that fighting is about communication. Like how Umemiya told Sakura to use his fists to talk to Togame, he used his own fists and head to talk to Choji and it worked. Thanks to Umemiya, the viewers finally understand why Choji behaves the way he does. His idea of freedom is fickle. While being the top means free, it’s not the one he idealized, hence why he took the dark path because he was so distraught with the disappointment that came with its discovery. What Choji needed to realize was that the freedom he sought after had been with him the entire time: Shishitoren before he changed. He realized that Togame had been piecing back what had been broken the entire time and hence why he caressed his cheek and thanked him for protecting Shishitoren and not letting the group crumble even further.

The fight before Choji goes deep into this thoughts was still pretty good. The beginning part without any music was smooth. It’s crazy how well they’re animating this fight despite the huge height difference between Umemiya and Choji. Choji still pulls his weight and Umemiya does too. I think the craziest part of the fight was the neck biting scene. Given that Choji is themed around rabbits, the neck biting scene reminded me of a vampire rabbit, which then reminded me of the book series Bunnicula. I quite liked that series when I was younger. I still think it’s crazy how Choji gave Umemiya the nastiest hickey ever. Once this is all over and done, Ume needs to go to a doctor to check if Choji had rabies. I also liked the headbutt he gave to him. It reminded me a lot of Tanjiro and how he’d give headbutts to people.

As a manga reader, I do think the scenes with Choji’s thoughts are done a lot better in the anime. There were several scenes from those segments that I really liked. The first was the part where the floor underneath Choji cracked and he fell into it like he was in Kingdom Hearts. The second was showing Togame piecing together the fragmented memories. It symbolizes that Togame was holding everything together for Choji. The bloodied hands in some shots weren’t Choji but Togame’s. His hands became bloody from trying to collect all the glass shards and putting them back together instead of throwing them out, reminiscent of how he chose to cull the weak members for Choji so that everyone else wouldn’t hate him and make the group crumble. That was how much he cared for him. Gosh, it was done visually well. My last favorite part was the face touching scene. They improved so much from the manga. The manga had it to where Choji was thanking Togame for protecting them by touching his face while he was lying down and battered. The anime amps it up with the visuals, giving it a more sensual vibe. I was feeling so moved and even was holding back some tears with the scene.

I feel like I’m talking about Choji a bit too much, so I’m going to talk about Umemiya. Umemiya was great. He never showed any signs of weakness or having a disadvantage. I felt like he was just letting Choji hit him because he could tell he was faltering. I think Umemiya shined most towards the end where he rejected Choji’s jacket and wanted Bofurin and Shishitoren to be friends. Umemiya’s laid-back personality is his charm, after all. Also, Umemiya with some of his bangs made him look really nice and it made me wonder if he has his hair brushed back because having his hair down is an instant KO for his opponents.

Given how often Shishitoren was seen with cloudy skies and rainy weather, the last shot where the clouds lifted and showing off the blue sky was a nice way to show that Choji has returned to his normal self. It does feel like a nice conclusion for the Shishitoren arc and it makes me wonder how the rest of the episodes will be played out. I hope that there’s a second season. This show is way too good to not get a season two. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Cater Diamond Halloween Personal Story: Part 3

"What a bunch of lies"

(Part 1) (Part 2) Part 3

[Hall of Mirrors]

Silver: Please don't push. There is no entry permissible into the Hall of Mirrors

Man A: Eeeeh, come on! I came all this way out the remote Sage's Island just to see Malleus Draconia.

Man B: We're trying to do the Draconia Challenge! C'mon～

Woman C: He's inside, right? The real Draconia! The Malleus!

Guests: MALLEUS! MALLEUS! MALLEUS!

[lightning flashes]

[thunder rolls]

Silver: This was supposed to be a special event. And Malleus-sama himself stepped up to help host these guests…

Silver: And yet for this sort of thing to happen…

Silver: You all should leave now. Malleus-sama is extremely angry.

Man A: We all spent a ton to travel all the way here. Doesn't he know the meaning of noblesse oblige?

Guests: MALLEUS! MALLEUS! MALLEUS!

[Exterior Hallway]

Cater: So, even Malleus-kun's gotten pissed off at all the Magicam clout chasing guests, huh?

Sebek: Correct. At first, he was so calm that he was even telling me to settle down…

Sebek: But then one fool grabbed at his horns and did some sort of pantomime.

Sebek: SAYING, "JUST LIKE AN OLD BICYCLE!"

Lilia/Cater: GAH!!!

Cater: Don't know if that was brave… or just reckless…

Cater: So then, all those dark clouds and lightning that's looming over the Hall of Mirrors is Malleus-kun on a magical rampage?

Cater: Wait, he wouldn't overblot over something like this, would he…!?

Lilia: Don't fret. He won't overblot just by using that amount of magic.

Lilia: This is a mere temper tantrum. Back when he was a wee one, he would also completely reduce crags to mere pebbles with his lightning whenever he threw a fit like this.

Cater: Hahaha… He's just on a different level entirely.

Cater: It was smart that we sent Kalim-kun along to go call for a professor.

Sebek: When Vil-senpai realized what was happening, he evacuated my liege, and is putting up barriers to make sure to no harm comes to the visitors.

Sebek: Also, it seems Jade-senpai is working on trying to persuade the young master to come back to his senses with his own tactics…

Sebek: All of these humans who still don't understand just how grave this situation has become are just causing further ire to my lord, and things are spiraling out of control.

Lilia: We'll have to use our last resort.

Lilia: In order to keep the "worst outcome" from happening, we should forcefully try to subdue all these rubberneckers.

Cater: Wait, Lilia-chan. I got an idea. 'Cause it's not like they all are here 'cause they hate Malleus-kun.

Cater: But that doesn't mean they really like him, though… More like, they're just trying to stick with what's "in" right now.

Cater: Basically, just like how my old acquaintances are doing.

Lilia: ?

Cater: Alright, first, I'm gonna snap a pic of you, Lilia-chan, since you're dressed the same as Malleus-kun!

[shutter clicks]

Cater: Next, I'll use the tool that every influencer needs. This photo editor'll stretch Lilia-chan's picture vertically!

[swipe, swipe]

Cater: Then, I'll just quickly slap some text on there. And then upload it alongside the picture!!

[chime]

Cater: #MalleusEncounter #DraconiaChallenge #UnexpectedMeetingOnTheSchoolGrounds #NRCHalloween

[chime]

Man A: H-Hey. Look at the DraconiaChallenge tag.

Man B: Looks like he's at the sports field right now. That's Malleus for ya. He's so much faster than us!

Woman C: Ooookay. Let's head over there, everybody!

Guests: YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

Silver: What is going on? Malleus-sama should still be within the Hall of Mirrors.

Cater: Whew. The storm should calm down now… Right?

Vil: For goodness sakes. Accidents are an unavoidable part of being on stage. To react as such to instigating visitors is such an amateur move.

Vil: Well, this is where I leave you, I will be heading back to my dorm for a moment to freshen up my appearance.

Jade: Well now, that was touch and go for a moment there. Malleus-san's power is quite mighty, isn't it.

Jade: I had wanted to persuade him to stop by utilizing good, strong eye contact, but it was much too far out of my depth.

Jade: And now, I shall also leave to return back to my station. Have a pleasant Halloween, everyone.

Malleus: I fear I almost stoke the coals on the relationship between our species during a mere school event.

Malleus: I must learn to control my emotions better…

Sebek: There is absolutely no blame that should fall on your shoulders, my liege! The fault purely lies at the feet of those indecent humans!

Silver: Malleus-sama just said he did not wish for any hostility between species. What do you hope to gain by exacerbating that hostility?

Sebek: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, SILVER?!?!?!

Lilia: Malleus. Have you forgotten the promise we made when you were naught but a wee one? Whenever the emotions in your heart are tumultuous, you should call for us.

Lilia: We may not be connected by blood, but we are family. Understand?

Malleus: Lilia… My apologies. And to everyone else, as well.

Silver/Lilia/Sebek: ……。

Cater: …Family…huh.

[FLASHBACK]

Lilia: ―I think I understand you.

Lilia: Just as you professed earlier, Cater, perhaps one truth to it all is to avoid becoming too attached to certain people.

Cater: (What a bunch of lies.)

Cater: (Lilia-chan's built up these priceless relationships from being with them together for a long while…)

Cater: (How can he even hope to understand my stupid, pathetic little feelings?)

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Cater: Hi, Trey-kun. What's up?

Cater: Eh? Our night-time rehearsal for our stamp rally site's starting now?

Cater: And my fellow committee member Deuce-chan's so shorthanded that Ace-chan's helping out?

Cater: Augh, Ace-chan's definitely trying to get me in his debt!

Cater: Gah! And Riddle-kun's on the verge of exploding? I'm on my way right now, Trey-kun, so try to calm him down for me!

Cater: I was just caught up in what could have been the biggest, most terrible crisis of this Halloween Week!

Cater: No, really! I'm not lying. Come onnn, don't be so cold to me, 'kay?

Cater: HHHHHHNNNGH, TREY-KUN YOU'RE SO HEARTLESS～～～～!!

Cater: Alright, now that the Diasomnia fiasco has calmed itself down, time to get hyped again.

Cater: It'll be the same here, anyway. Once four years pass, we'll all go our separate ways. …Well, guess not if I get held back～

Cater: So, I gotta make sure I enjoy the "now" as much as I can!

Cater: I'm gonna rock this skeleton costume and scare everybody!

Cater: I'll show 'em all just how hard Cay-kun can go.

Cater: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

(Part 1) (Part 2) Part 3

[marimayscarlett]

Can someone with psychological knowledge please explain fan fiction? And of course, in this instance, I mean Rammstein fan fiction. I can read anything from comfort to the nastiest, filthiest stories and really pull myself into that world, especially if it's written very realistically (no ooc) AND YET once I finish reading, it is over. There's none of it bleeding into reality. Sure, we all aww at Paulchard kisses and touches and make silly jokes but it's never "Oh they are 100% fucking".

It's like getting off, washing your hands, and then coming out for dinner with the family 😐

Hi 👋🏼

I must say, this is an interesting take on things (and made me laugh in the last part, not going to lie 😅). I may not have extensive psychological knowledge, yet I'll give it a try and put my (of course subjective) thoughts into words here.

For me, fan fiction first and foremost is like a filter you put over reality - to try out different 'what-if' scenarios, living out fantasies in a save space, explore possible different timelines, universes (be it daring fantasy AUs or the good old comforting coffee shop/comic book store AUs) and outcomes of maybe real life scenarios of the people in question (rather popular in the R+ realm of course is the Mutter era on this regard).

You mentioned that none of it bleeds into reality for you - one possible reason for it can be (from my perspective) that the base of all these fan fictions, the band itself, really exists before our own eyes. We can check on them, get updates about the band members, we comprehend that these are real people with personal lives, making decisions in their lives which lead them in a certain way. I can imagine as soon as you (or lots of people who feel the same way) finish a fan fic, the so called 'filter' is instantly gone. Since in real life it's very clear that for example Paul is in a committed relationship/Schneider is married with kids/the band members are in fact just day to day people and not high profile gangsters (etc etc, you get the jist); I can imagine that these real existing facts can act like a sobering effect.

Yet not everyone has this admittedly quite healthy distance to fan fiction - I must admit that when I read for example a tragic fan fiction (character death, lots of hurt/comfort, melancholic/sad endings), I do struggle snapping out of it immediatly. In terms of rationality, I know that Richard did not die of the plague/did not leave the band/the band was not killed during a heist/what-have-you, and yet I find myself almost feeling like wrapped in cotton wool - kind of paralysed mentally for a few days, my mind still revolving about this particular fic.

I think all in all it's a question of character, how the mind reacts to certain things, how attatched one is to fiction and the admittedly fictional characterisations of real life people.

[villainessxassassin]

"Just like any other night."

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"Tsk, you should know by now what kind of responsibilities I hold, and you still dare impose yourself here in my quarters without my prior knowledge? How imperpitent of you."

as shallow as the following words may have been, the effects of that outcome surely sliced deeper in return. He didn't mean what he said, you knew that didn't you? You've put up with his bad temper countless of times, and you know him better than he knew himself, to think you'd be used to it by now...

His arrogance overlaps his concern for you, dismissing you like how a King would to his lowly subjects, ignoring the way you hurriedly excused yourself with a shaky yet angered tone as the slam of the door echoed throughout the room as he resumed his papers.

Feint footsteps are heard as he approached your shared room. How was he able to achieve such a thing without the embarrassment of others finding out? Goodness it's best no one knows.

And just like any other night, after changing into comfortable clothing he'd slide himself under the covers with his body facing your direction.

and just like any other night, he'd snuggle up next to you. Despite his claims of not want your affections in public, he sure was one to initiate it within closed walls, these very walls where he feels safe for as long as there's you.

and just like any other night, he'd apologize for the mean things he says and that he didn't mean them

and just like any other night, you'd caress his face while looking at him so lovingly that he melts, finding comfort in the warmth your hand provides as he leans in closer to your touch.

and just like any other night, you'd forgive him.

.

.

.

but it's already been awhile since he's heard a voice respond to his strings of 'sorry's' and 'forgive me's'

because unlike any other night,

you weren't there.

There was no person he was facing towards when he layed in bed. There was no body for him to cuddle and hold. There was... no one.

So why was he still trying, the hand he'd imagine caressing his cheek was no other than his own, a pitful attempt at recreating the scenario he had in his head, of the many times you've spent together.

So he closes his eyes. The less he saw the better as for now he refuses to face reality, but even he knew what a childish game he was playing at. He can feel the tears under his eyelids building up, but determined with his delusional goal his eyes closed tighter as an airy laugh left his lips, but this one held no joy, only sorrow and pain in place of your absense.

And so he'll continue to fool himself as he imagines the warmth he's been missing.

"...just like any other night."

━━━━━━━━━━━

SCARAMOUCHE, RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

━━━━━━━━━━━

(This is how I see people format suprise angsts so.. . suprise! my face throughout writing this was just 😶 so im not sure if its really good. (hoping it is)) -kishira

[goingdownorup]

Final thoughts on YCAO:

I’m not really expecting people to see this, but as a wrap up for any fic I write I usually like to come back and do my thoughts after the hype has kind of calmed down. This fic is on anon, but I figured I would continue my tradition even if it was just for me lmao.

Obvious spoilers for the fic if you haven’t read it!!!

I’ve seen a few people not happy with the boat boy ending, and with that, I say…good? I mean, not in a rude way, but that is exactly the emotion I wanted when finishing out their storyline. It was pretty clear imo that neither of them could get what they wanted completely. Joel and Etho wanted different things more than they wanted each other, which is why I think it hurts in the end that both of them realize that they really wanted everything. They can’t have both, and that sucks and that's how their world(s) work. Joel can have Lizzie and his world, and Etho can have Bdubs and his world, but they can’t have each other with that outcome. That’s the fact about their relationship.

I’ve seen a few people theorize that Grian could bring Lizzie and Joel back to the main world- which, yes, he could- but at least in my head, that’s not a possibility. Joel’s driving force in the fic was to get home to Lizzie, but it was also to get home. I don’t think, even with their relationship on the mend, that Etho or Joel consider each other home anymore. They’ve grown as people, in both a good and a bad way, and that’s okay! I want that pain of growing distant but the inability to because of an outlying source. Soulbounds are a bitch in this series lmao.

Speaking of soulbounds, Impulse and Bdubs, am I right? But seriously, the one part I put in Impulse’s POV was so self-indulgent but I love his character so much so I had too. As soon as my brain decided Impulse could see the strings I needed to write him. I really love the idea of ‘what could’ve been’ for Bdubs and Impulse. The two of them have already built up a perception of each other that eventually they could tear down, but would take more effort then either of them are willing to do at that point in their life. Maybe down the line they could be friends, and I like to think that with the fact that Etho and Impulse lean on each other more now that they eventually become better friends.

I won’t touch on Scar and Grian, or Ren and Marytn, since their stories are still getting written atm but Ren and Etho… my one critique with myself is not building their relationship up more. I think the impact would’ve been better if I really made the point that Etho and Ren were better friends then what I did. You live and you learn, and hopefully next fic I can keep my relationships more clear. (At least the ones I want to be clear lol)

I think the fic went over unreasonably well, people were overwhelmingly nice and it was such a good introduction to the fandom. Probably the second best if not the best reaction to a fic I’ve gotten tbh. My personal rating: 8/10 I’m proud of this fic

Link if you haven’t read it

[demonsonthemoon]

Keep Me Safe

Fandom: Les Misérables Pairing: N/A, mention of platonic Jehan/Grantaire Word Count: 3074 Rating: Gen Summary: It's Valentine's day, and Grantaire sits alone in his kitchen with a flatmate who won't leave his bedroom. But maybe he doesn't have to stay alone. Notes: Oh boy. Forgive me if this note gets a bit emotional, but it's hard not to feel anything when this fic celebrate the TENTH anniversary of me meeting the amazing @anastasiapullingteeth. Two arospec people meeting each other on Valentine's day through a Jetaire fanfic, and then staying friends for ten years after that... how freaking awesome is this? Thank you Caro for still being in my life after all this time. The moments we share are always precious to me. Thanks to you, I always look forward to February 14th, and that is no small achievement. Love you, duckling! Title from "Ibuprofen” by Bears in Trees. The song was a big inspiration for the fic and it means a lot to me, so I really recommend you listen to it!

Read it on AO3

“Dinner's ready,” Grantaire calls out across the flat. The cheese on top of the lasagna looks slightly golden and the smell of garlic bread permeates the kitchen. Grantaire is sweating from the heat of the oven, as well as from the cooking and the dishes he just did.

The table is set for two, and he hopes...

He hasn't made a point of the date. Neither of them are really into the idea of celebrating Valentine's day. Considering they're non-monogamous, that Jehan is aromantic and that they've both listened to one too many anticapitalist rants by Enjolras, the holiday doesn't hold much appeal.

But Grantaire had time on his hands today, so he cooked a nice dinner from scratch and-

“I'm busy right now, I'll eat later.” Jehan's voice carries through the closed door of his bedroom.

Grantaire sighs, tells himself he's not disappointed. He would have been happier if Jehan had joined him, but this is the outcome he expected. His thoughts don't sound very convincing even to him as he puts the bottle of red wine he bought in the cupboard under the sink. He's not going to drink a bottle of wine by himself. Not tonight. That would only make things worse.

Would be a waste to, considering how expensive the thing was. That's what he gets for falling into the trap of Valentine's day marketing.

He's barely seen Jehan for the past two days, but this isn't exactly a surprise. Grantaire isn't worried about that. He's worried about his friend's behavior the weeks before that, the ever-present melancholy, the repeated absences at friendly gatherings, the aggressive defensiveness whenever this was pointed out.

Grantaire eats the lasagna in silence, scrolling through his phone all the while. He doesn't touch the garlic bread, leaves it in the turned off oven to hopefully stay warm.

His fingers hover over the Grindr app. He wants to get out of his head. Jehan's bad mood is starting to feel like a miasma, clinging to Grantaire's edges and slowly corroding his own will. He feels tired these days. Mean. He knows that the more he tries to keep his words soft and sweet for Jehan, the more they come out biting in front of other people. This isn't what Grantaire wants. It's not who he wants to be. It's not what he wants for Jehan either, but he's running out of ways to try and help. Surely he's not the only sad fuck out there who's lonely on February 14th and desperate for something else?

He locks his phone again.

Yeah, he's lonely and slowly reaching the point of touch starvation, but he's not in the right mindset for a casual hookup. Because he doesn't want to fuck some nameless person. He wants to feel close to Jehan.

It's not unusual for them to not have sex with each other for several weeks. But they haven't shared any kind of physical intimacy in at least ten days and it's starting to get to Grantaire.

The thing is... while he enjoys being held through his breakdown, feels anchored by having arms around him even if his head is too loud to do anything but sit in silence, he knows that's not the same for Jehan. Grantaire doesn't want his friend to snap at him like he did last week. He doesn't want to push himself onto him, doesn't want Jehan to accept his affections just to get him off his back.

Jehan wouldn't do that. He wouldn't manipulate Grantaire like that, wouldn't play with his feelings. Jehan has always been clear about his wants and needs, he's never led Grantaire on. He's nice.

But wouldn't it be the nice thing to do, to go along with Grantaire's own desires? Wouldn't it be easier for everyone?

Jehan probably wouldn't do that, but can Grantaire be sure? Considering that his roommate is currently locking himself up in his room and not talking to him, can he be certain that he hasn't been making Jehan feel uncomfortable all this time, that the other man hasn't just finally reached his limit and is just too scared to admit it to Grantaire? Too nice to hurt him in turn?

Grantaire breathes. In and out. He's spiralling.

He gets up and washes his plate. He covers the dish of lasagna and puts it in the fridge. He keeps the garlic bread in the oven still, even opens the door a little. He's hoping the smell will be enough to lure Jehan out at some point in the evening at least.

Grantaire can feel his muscles tensing. He regrets having done the other dishes earlier, because now there's too much restless energy in his body and he doesn't have a physical task to do to let it out. He wants to hit something. That would relieve the pressure in his brain for a little while.

He breathes in and out.

Picks up his phone again and opens the Signal app. He could text Bahorel, see what the girl is up to. She's usually down to hit the gym even at times when their boxing club is closed. Weights and cardio aren't the same as a good friendly match, but it would be better than nothing. Bahorel is good at not asking questions.

But what if Grantaire wants someone to ask questions?

Jehan hadn't been to the last ABC meeting, nor to the night out that Joly and Bossuet had set up as an excuse to flirt with the barmaid of their favorite queer bar. Both times, Grantaire had left early, worried about his roommate. He'd come back to a silent flat and a closed door, which hadn't been more reassuring than if he had stayed out. And then he had muted the group chat in which people were sharing photos of their night out.

Maybe what he needs isn't an anonymous fuck or a work out, but something else altogether.

Maybe what he needs is to not stay alone with his fear and his lasagna.

Instead of tapping on Bahorel's contact, he opens a group chat nicknamed The High Council. It's Valentine's Day, so he knows that Enjolras isn't busy tonight. Courfeyrac and Combeferre might be – it's difficult to keep track of Courfeyrac's relationship status, and Combeferre has been making eyes at Eponine for long enough that Grantaire wouldn't be surprised if there was something going on between them that they were keeping on the down low. Still, it's worth a shot.

Got lasagna and garlic bread to exchange for company and emotional support. Deal of the century if I'm honest. Anyone wants in?

He doesn't send the message right away.

Because the truth is... He would hate it, if it was him. If he was in Jehan's place. He would hate for someone else to invite people into his space. Would hate to be looked at with pity, with sympathy. He would hate for his vulnerabilities to be exposed to others.

He would hate to be a burden to his friends.

He does hate it. He fucking hates asking for help.

But that also means that Jehan would hate the way Grantaire feels right now. He would hate to be the cause of such helplessness.

So Grantaire pushes through his instincts and hits send.

Sometimes what you want and what you need aren't the same thing. Isolating yourself to deal with your issues isn't always the kindest thing you can do.

Grantaire repeats these thoughts over and over in his mind, hoping he can force himself to believe them.

He drops his phone beside him so he doesn't stare at the text conversation. He's not sure he can fight against the urge to delete the message before anyone has a chance to see it.

He stares at the ceiling instead. It's only marginally better than staring at a screen.

Grantaire can hear soft music coming from Jehan's bedroom, but there's no movement to accompany it. Maybe Jehan is also staring at the ceiling.

Grantaire wants a glass of wine.

Grantaire wants to find a hookup who will share a joint with him before letting him fuck them and who won't ask any personal question and he wants to slam the door on his way out to make a point to Jehan.

He wants to turn the oven back on with the garlic bread still inside. Maybe then it would smell bad enough for Jehan to come out and check what's going on.

Fuck. Being a good person is exhausting.

His phone vibrates with a notification. He doesn't open it right away. Better not hope too much, lest you be disappointed. It could be anything. Maybe someone messaged him on Grindr.

He closes his eyes after a few seconds. Hard. Just enough that it hurts a little, that he can see phosphenes.

Then he checks his messages.

👼 and I are on our way, keep the lasagna warm and cheesy 👌

The text is from Courfeyrac, and a few seconds later a new bubble appears with Enjolras' name.

We've already had dinner.

Followed by another message from Courfeyrac: I said what I said.

He should feel relief but is instead filled with dread. This has to be a fucking mistake. He's just proven to his friends that he's a deadweight. Not even capable of helping his closest friend. Not capable of helping himself.

What if Jehan hates him for this? For meddling? It's not any of his fucking business, what Jehan does in his bedroom when he doesn't want company. It's not Grantaire's business if he decides not to eat.

It certainly shouldn't concern Courfeyrac and Enjolras.

Grantaire sends a thumbs up anyway.

He puts the lasagna back in the oven, turns it on on a low setting.

He knocks on Jehan's bedroom.

“Enjolras and Courfeyrac are coming over,” he says. He doesn't ask if Jehan is going to join them. Hope not and you won't be disappointed.

He doesn't get any answer.

Grantaire has opened the bottle of wine by the time Courfeyrac and Enjolras arrive. He's poured himself half a glass, and taken out two others to fill.

The table is still set for Jehan. He can just pretend that the plate is for Courfeyrac instead.

His friends know to text him instead of ringing the unsettlingly loud doorbell. Grantaire wishes they'd forgotten, because it might have woken up Jehan. The man probably isn't asleep, but still. It's not that Grantaire wants him to hurt. He just has an easier time dealing with Jehan's anger than with his silence. Anger gives him something to chew on, something to eventually act upon. Right now he has nothing.

He walks down the four flights of stairs to open the door.

“Happy Valentine's Day!” Courfeyrac exclaims as soon as the door opens. He drags Grantaire into a hug and lays a huge smack on his cheek. Enjolras rolls eir eyes at the scene.

Grantaire feels a smile tug at his lips. It's partly just a reflex, the urge to pretend, to always act like everything is fine. But there's also some genuine amusement in it, some contentment from his friend's easy affection, from the warmth in Enjolras' gaze even as ey holds emself at more of a distance.

“I would have brought some chocolate but the only one we had at the flat was Combeferre's fancy not-so-secret stash, and Enjolras refused to stop at a night shop.”

“You would have paid a prohibitive amount of money for sub-par chocolate for the sole purpose of feeding the so-called 'holiday spirit' that only serves to drive more capitalist consumption as well as reinforcing norms around monogamy and amatonormativity.”

“Yes, I would have,” Courfeyrac responds with an easy smirk, unbothered by the well-rehearsed rant. “And it would have been fun! Besides, am I really reinforcing those norms if I'm buying chocolate to cheer up my polya and arospec friends?”

Enjolras frowns at that, and Grantaire ushers the both of them inside before they start a debate in his staircase.

“Oh, it smells amazing in here,” says Courfeyrac as he immediately moves towards the kitchen.

“I put the lasagna back in the oven to warm up, you can check if it's ready. And there's garlic bread over there.” Grantaire points to the counter where the bread lies, covered in a clean kitchen towel.

“Well, don't mind me, I'll make myself right at home,” Courfeyrac responds. And he does just that, opening the oven and quickly touching the top of the lasagna to check its warmth.

It leaves Grantaire staring at Enjolras and looking for something to say.

“Want some wine?” he finally asks, before pouring two glasses at Enjolras' nod.

They both sit down at the table, while Courfeyrac lounges against the counter, nibbling on a piece of garlic bread.

Grantaire takes a sip of his own drink.

“So, is something wrong?” Enjolras asks before ey even tries the wine. Rude. This is actually a good bottle. Grantaire put thought into all of this.

He has another sip. Enjolras just stares at him.

Grantaire sighs. “Jehan isn't eating. I've barely seen him for the past two days, really. I'm worried. I don't know what to do.”

“Bread was for him, right?” Courfeyrac chimes in with his mouth still half full.

Grantaire nods.

“His favorite. You're a romantic, 'R.”

Grantaire rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well. Thought the smell might draw him out. It obviously didn't work.”

Courfeyrac shrugs. “It drew us in, though.”

Grantaire raises his eyebrows at him, but his friend doesn't elaborate, instead poking some more at the lasagna that's still in the oven.

“I noticed that Jehan wasn't at the last ABC meeting.” Enjolras says, finally sipping on eir wine. “But it's not exactly unusual for either of you to skip attendance from time to time.”

“I really don't feel up for a lecture about dedication to the cause, Enj'” replies Grantaire.

Enjolras tuts. “I'm not lecturing you. I'm just saying... this isn't unusual. Jehan gets like this sometimes. He always comes back to himself.”

Grantaire looks up at the ceiling. There might be tears pressing at the corner of his eyes, but no one will be able to prove that. The thing is... The thing is, you only need one time of someone not coming back for the world to change forever. The thing is, Grantaire knows how steep that edge is, he's walked it often enough himself. The thing is, Jehan's depression is often quieter than Grantaire's, but he suspects that the silence only serves to hide the depths of it.

“I'm just scared,” Grantaire finally admits, looking back down at his friends once he is certain that the tears will not fall. “I don't want to fail him.”

“Oh, 'R...”

Courfeyrac walks around the table in order to hug him from behind, the back of the chair probably digging into his stomach uncomfortably. It doesn't stop the embrace from being tight and warm.

“What if we hadn't been able to come tonight,” Enjolras asks in a soft tone. “Would you have thought we'd failed you?”

“What? No. You have the right to be busy. It's not your job to-”

“Just like it isn't yours to take care of Jehan.”

Grantaire feels Courfeyrac nod from where he's still holding him.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you can be here for him. Just like we're happy to be here for you. And the two are close in a way you aren't with most other people, living together and... such.”

Grantaire can't help but raise an eyebrow at that. Enjolras blushes. It's fucking adorable.

“But you're not responsible for one another even when you rely on each other. Does that make sense?”

“I guess,” Grantaire reponds, rubbing his fingers against the various permanent stains that dot their kitchen table.

“I'm glad you texted us,” Courfeyrac adds from his unrelenting hug. Not that Grantaire is fighting a lot to get out of it. It's nice to be touched. “We want to be here for you, you know? For you both. But it's hard to show up when the things you're fighting are happening in your own heads. Hard to be there for Jehan when he won't let us in.”

Grantaire nods somberly. “Won't even open his door.”

“But you did let us in. So we're here. And it won't solve everything but maybe it doesn't have to, right?”

He finally lets go at that, not even looking back as he walks back towards the oven and pulls out the lasagna.

“Now who wants a piece of this delicious-looking bad boy?”

Courfeyrac eats a huge portion of lasagna, along with some more bread. Grantaire and Enjolras share a small plate between them, almost shyly. Grantaire is almost vibrating at the idea of fighting over who gets the last bite. It's extremely lame.

They chat through the bottle of wine, Grantaire's friends keeping him up to date on all of the gossip he missed, including the fact that Combeferre and Eponine actually do have a date together today and, well, good for them.

It's almost midnight when they all hear Jehan's bedroom door open. There is the slightest pause in the conversation before Courfeyrac keeps describing the extravagant floral arrangement that Joly and Bossuet brought to their favorite barmaid. Nobody wants to acknowledge that they've noticed the noise, in case it makes Jehan retreat again.

But no, the sound of bare feet on the linoleum is faint, but it's coming in their direction.

Jehan is dressed in his pyjamas, his short bob of red hair hanging messily about his face. Grantaire can't help but look for red-rimmed eyes or the bags that indicate sleeplessness. He can't make out anything by the light of their old and shitty halogen lamps.

“Did you leave any lasagna for me? 'the least you could do after making such a ruckus that it's impossible to sleep in here.”

Jehan's smile looks tired, but it's a smile anyway. Grantaire doesn't waste a second before getting up and putting a plate of lasagna in the microwave. He puts the garlic bread in the oven for good measure. It won't be properly warm, but that's no big deal.

It will still make the flat smell like home.

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch Witch from Mercury Episode 9 Review

- I’m sorry Shaddiq, you struck out, and you struck out hard. I was right in my assessment that he loved her, but unfortunately he was never honest. If he had trusted Miorine and treated her like an equal, he may have been able to win her heart, but he didn’t. He wants everyone to act on his own terms, so he can be safe and secure in his outcome, but real people don’t work that way. They have their own thoughts and feelings, ones that could come into opposition with his own. However he refused to acknowledge this, unlike Suletta who’s a very open minded person. Suletta gave Miorine support but never coddled her, but Shaddiq only knows how to coddle. That’s why he’ll never be able to come into the greenhouse and why Miorine cut off the green tomato. Their love was unripened and will never come to fruition

- The battle this episode truly showed the definition of a team battle. Shaddiq just used his harem as attack dogs, leaving them to clean up while he takes all the glory of defeating the commander. But Earth House instead works together even after they were torn apart. Each one of them was broken and struggling but they came together to protect Suletta. That’s why she refers to them as “everyone” similarly to her GUND Bits. Earth House is now her family.

- But let’s stop stalling and talk about the elephant, or Aerial, in the room. This episode proves that not only can Aerial communicate with Suletta, there’s more than one being inside it. When I brought up the twelve Eri theory, it was mostly as a joke, but this episode pushes it pretty a bit. The scene where Suletta is talking to the robot while Miorine is confused was pretty terrifying. Hell, even one of Shaddiq’s harem called her a monster for her 360 vision attacks. I hope people start to really question what the fuck is up with this robot, cause so far it seems like the Purple Guy got transported into this universe

- Now let’s talk about the three MVP’s this episode, Chuchu, Till, and Lilique. Chuchu put up the best fight out of the Earth House kids and landed the finishing blow on Shaddiq. I wasn’t sure how good she would do in a sniper suit, but I think it helps reign in some of her more reckless tendencies. Maybe her new suit could be a sniper and up-front melee combination. Till came in super clutch as the one to reassemble the entire squad back together and get Shaddiq. He realized the mistake the harem girls had made in not finishing off the robots and used that to his advantage. Hell, even though he’s a mechanic he did pretty well in the suit. However Lilique once again shows just how perfect she is. Not just a management queen, but a decently talented pilot as well. Also the reveal that she turned down one of Renee’s backup simps boyfriends was hilarious. She has a body type pretty unique in anime but she’s also seen to be very attractive.

- The harem girls got a bit of spotlight this episode, but nothing too important. Renee’s pretty cute, but Felsi is still the best tussle brown haired girl. Sabina has her own lesbian fan club which makes so much sense it’s not even funny. And Henao is flexible as fuck

- Lauda went full psycho this episode, unnerving both Secilia and Rouji who just want to chill. He’s got a serious brother complex, and I’d like to know the backstory between them. He’ll definitely be a villain trying to “save” his big brother from the evil Mercurian witch’s grasp, without realizing Guel’s happier this way. Maybe we’ll get the Guel vs Lauda fight I predicted and a touching reunion between brothers, or most likely Lauda will let revenge cloud over his mind and die for it, possibly by Guel’s hand. I’m emotional either way. Also would be interested in seeing more of his relationship with Secilia since the series seems to be pushing the two sort of as rivals

- Once again, it’s Guel loving hours with me as your host. The moment I saw Suletta in the woods, I knew what was happening but god damn did I love it anyways. Guel calling her “country bumpkin” will always be adorable and I can see it transforming into a fond nickname. Though I was sad Guel didn’t participate in the battle, I think it makes better narrative sense to have Earth House alone work together. But even without a big battle scene, Guel still fucked with my emotions with the talk between him and Suletta. The moment the lights came on was gorgeous, and hopefully indicates that Guel will finally move on from his puppet life. Also once again the show makes the connection between Guel and his father and Suletta and her mother. I think he’ll be the one to support her when she learns the truth about her mother. But his asshole father fucks everything up by stealing away our Guel Camp and getting him unenrolled. Next episode better be him joining Earth House to get away from that shit or else I’m gonna scream. I know I’ve been saying it in every single review but GOD DAMN IT GUEL JUST JOIN!

- Prospera showing some actual emotion this episode with that tear. Her team, her professor, her husband, they were all stolen from her. She‘a been planning this revenge for over 20 years and now she knows nothing can get in her way. Nothing can stop Suletta and Aerial. Now she can put her true plan into motion.

- also finally, Suletta fucking emoted on his ass. If this was to mid 2000’s, you bet she woulda teabagged him

[12th-shavie]

So I've been playing Radiant Historia Perfect Chronology lately and I have many thoughts that plague me

Spoilers under the cut

All of this is from reaching both basic and true ending, the PC ending with the singularity, all side quests, possible history quests and no second run with clear data for the extra ending. Also I played it on friendly difficulty and it's a good thing I touch at the end of my thoughts.

I mostly want to ramble about the different characters in the game, in somewhat of an order so I'll start with my dear boy Stocke.

I really liked Stocke. He's not particularly chatty, but we get to see a lot of what's going on his mind through the story, including every decision he has to make that can lead to a bad ending and he ends up very well-rounded by the time of the ending. He clearly grows to care a lot about everyone around him, which makes his fate particularly cruel when it's only because he made all these connections that he can be the sacrifice, but it's also the reason why his sacrifice is such a heavy blow for the others. His status as a man whose soul hasn't been his for a long time unbeknownst to him heightens the value of his growth as a person and as a friend, showing how he could still grasp the opportunity to see value in the world beyond himself and his own lifespan (that was technically over since quite some time). He's willing to use the power at his disposal to try to get the best outcome for anyone he can help, even when it seemingly doesn't do much for the world at large, he's just really helpful. Stocke is also very funny to me in the many ways he deals with his time travel. Especially in the ways he casually transports a bunch of items through the timelines, and never explains how he knows information he has absolutely no way of knowing at the point in time he's in. He also doesn't seem to question the fact that there's a big part of his life missing, or at least that's what I understand the Ernst memory wipe as, and seems to just adapt to whatever the timeline has in store for him at any given time. But he's also a Sad boy™ and deserves the world for everything he's been put through. Especially having to kill Rosch that one time.

Ah, Rosch. My poor sweet bulky boy whom I really tried to use every time he was available but it seems it was never enough and even in post-ending he's not quite caught up. The mana spring dlc also shows just how big his armor truly compared to his actual body and I respect the huge suit of armor that makes his silhouette a little silly. I wasn't a big fan of his romance with Sonja at first until the alternate history in Celestia and his bigger arc, where we get to see some more of them that made me appreciate them more (and Sonja upgrading his Gauntlet has to be some of my favourite interactions between her, Rosch and Stocke).

Raynie and Marco are cute as characters Stocke is close to but I really couldn't care less about Raynie's romantic subplot, or her in general. My interest in her never rose higher than my interest in her gameplay, which is thankfully fun to me so it doesn't feel like she's wasting my time. Marco was a little better, especially with the Mimel sidequest where he shows another facette of himself in the bad ending where he goes nuts and I respect that. But ultimately, they're only involved at first because Heiss made it so, and neither their past not their relationship to Stocke or the others was delved into all that much, which is kind of a shame given how present they are during the game.

Which bring me to Heiss. Heiss' first appearance just threw me in a loop of "wow, this guy is so obviously evil but he called Stocke his best boy so now I really want the game to surprise me with a turn of events where he's not one of the Big Bad™. I really wish I could trust this guy in the slightest but that character design is screaming EVIL very loudly". He then proceeds to turn out to be the main villain. Except he still very much cares about Stocke, and always has, even when his other intentions are very nefarious. And even at the very end he still cares about his favourite nephew. And I'm a sucker for that kind of character development, so needless to say Heiss now lives rent-free in one of my mental tabs that run in the background on my thoughts. He does have one portrait where he looks down, in a content but sad way, as if reminiscing of a happier past and it really gets me every time. I did not expect to care so much about the guy, yet his character arc really did it for me. From the bitterness cranked up to eleven by the Black Chronicle's past owners and his huge soft spot for Stocke to his own actions of granting Stocke a chance at a non-royal, non-sacrifice life that he himself never got as Heinrich being the key to the only positive future there was for the world ? Gorgeous arc ! Until the true end where he just never gives up on the only thing he truly cared about, Stocke's future. The PC ending where he joins forces with Stocke, Nemesia and the others was also a satisfying moment, seeing how he's reminded of when he went on adventures with Ernst (again with that softer portrait I am very weak to), along with one of the possible histories where you get the key to his desk (which had plagued me from the moment I tried to snoop around his office much earlier in the game) and it contains an old portrait of Heinrich and Ernst, probably the only trace had kept from that part of his past, showing that despite all the scheming and lack of remorse on other fronts as the main villain, he's still an old man whose life was never completely his own, and who tries to break the cycle for the one person he cared about who was condemned to the same fate. In other words, Heiss is absolutely a magnificent bastard but also very human underneath and I am not immune to that.

On the other hand, a character I had to warm up to gradually was Eruca (I've seen her design from the DS version and I feel robbed, that little sprite had so much more personality !). She starts out kinda generic, as the princess stuck under the terrible reign of her stepmother who secretly leads her dead brother's rebel group, and I only started garnering interest when she joined the party and was armed with a gun. I had gotten a gun before but had no idea they were for her, and it was extremely refreshing to see how she fared in combat despite her lower availability. Her relationship with Stocke was also made so much better by that one moment around the end where it goes back to their first time meeting in standard history and shows exactly what she was dealing with when interacting with Stocke, knowing full that he not only was her dead brother living with a borrowed soul, but also had yet to be aware of his role in the grand scheme of things. I was afraid the whole ritual bit would get in the way of her character development but it didn't and she ended up being one of my favourite characters in both story and gameplay. Ice magic nukes are very nice.

Aht is adorable and I knew she'd be in my top three from the moment I saw her in the animated opening in which she gave me some Just a little guy™ vibe which is sufficient for me to be interested. Her voice acting was also very endearing (then again all of the voice acting worked really for me) and she was just as fun in gameplay with her trap set-ups and big combo potential. And then the story dropped all sorts of hints that she clearly was aware of something very big and plot-relevant and that really makes her go from Babsie™ to Tell me your secrets you adorable little scoundrel™ and that's absolutely my jam.

I wish I had a stronger opinion on Gafka. He's pretty neat, I like the combos he brings to the tables, the way he learns additional skills with Bergas makes sense to me and is cool, but I wish his character spoke to me more. The one thing I would say about him is that he has this trait where he has a hard time distinguishing humans and uses nicknames based on other visible parts of them, but does eventually come to recognize Stocke with his name instead of "Red One" and that's a new bit of development he got there.

I wish Viola was playable. Girl's got so much potential with a title like the Valkyrie but only gets so little story presence, but she's a highlight of every scene she's in and that's fine by me. I find her design very soft yet powerful and inspiring, as befits a character with her renown and charisma.

I can also say I really appreciate Raul, he's not the most appealing character at first, but the genuine effort he clearly puts in supporting however he can from the back lines and devising all of the larger scale tactics and stuff really elevates him as guy who's trying to make the best out of a bad situation where he can't turn his back on people who need help he can provide after not opposing Hugo more directly even though he suspected him to be up to no good.

Speaking of Hugo, he has me a little confused on what exactly his motives were, where his loyalty lied and what he was really trying to accomplish, especially regarding Noah and the possible histories surrounding him. I'm not a fan of letting him around with Noah and not facing more consequences for his actions. Noah himself is also a little weird, being both this mysterious prophet who just wants what's best for his people and this calm guy who seems to know more than he lets on but hasn't really tried to stop Hugo or find another way to reach the people without his name being exploited. I wonder how he could've affected the timeline if he didn't just vanish from the public eye after the possible history that saves his life in the alternate history.

Dias and Selvan are most definitely meant to be read as an evil power couple. You can't throw in a sidequest where it is shown they get a hotel room in the middle of the day and Selvan immediately resorting to threatening to kill a little girl the instant he sees Stocke menacing Dias, and not tell they're not in some kind of very close relationship that is never described as friendship, not even once. Also they'd seemingly betray anyone in a heartbeat except each other and I will read the subtext as I please. There is also that one line from Selvan in alternate history when Dias is dead and he says something along the lines of "But now Dias is slain, and I am broken". And that's without mentioning the possible history where they didn't set Protea up as queen but Dias directly, and an NPC says that "Dias wears the crown, but Selvan might as well sit on the throne" and I'll gladly interpret it as Selvan sitting on the throne with Dias on his lap. Moving on.

Friendly difficulty is a godsend that should be in many other games. I love being able to progress rapidly through the combat heavy parts of the story and only be forced into important fights which I can appreciate without wearing down my gameplay experience. I cannot show grateful I am to be able to enjoy the story to the fullest with no downsides in my opinion. It even gives me a reason to someday try out the DS version to experiment with combat a little more, and also see the game in all its original stylized glory (mostly Stocke's grittier self, Eruca's pixie cut, Heiss balding forehead that makes him less magnificent of a bastard and Dias looking less evil for some reason)

I also intend to finish RHPC with my clear data to see that final final ending, just to see what it brings to the table.

[bonesandthebees]

While I’m here, have some incoherent glass thoughts, cuz I just cannot do a proper analysis. So I’m just going to point out things I noticed.

First some chapter 14 things I’m not sure I pointed out. Tommy is fine with Wilbur touching him, but he flinches when Phil or Techno does it. That’s gotta sting for them. Also, Wilbur got goosebumps when walking past Kristin’s statue. Though make that always happens. I do feel like that’s a sign that she’s watching him.

Then chapter 15. So in my head, the cafeteria was a lot bigger than it probably is. Either that or they were a lot closer to the wall. For context in my head Niki and Jack were in the middle of the room. In reality, they were apparently very close to a wall. Rip Wilbur. Thought it was possible it was the momentum of the push. Either way, very unfortunate, but probably the best outcome for Tommy and Jack’s relationship since Tommy didn’t stab anyone. So Wilbur accomplished his mission at the cost of a head wound and blood loss.

It’s also important to point out that neither Jack nor Niki seem to have beef with Wilbur. In chapter 14 we saw that Niki and Wilbur are similar in their devotion to their friendship. So Niki and Jack do seem to understand that Wil is just siding with Tommy because it’s Tommy. Though Niki seems to be dead said on ignoring Wilbur’s existence until he gets hurt. Then she wants to make sure he’s alright. So I’ll take my rainduo crumbs when I get them.

I do think this will make sure that next time Wilbur steps in between Tommy and Jack, no one pushes him. Which doesn’t mean that no one else will try to get him away for his own safety. It is interesting how we do continue to get characters hurting each other without actually meaning any harm. Tommy kidnaps Wilbur but doesn’t actually want to hurt him. Wilbur tries to kill Tommy because he had a vision even though he doesn’t actually want him dead. Tommy pushes Jack of a roof with the intend to kill him because in his mind that’s better then death by the cops. Jack accidentally get Wilbur a head wound by pushing him away to get to Tommy.

A lot of actions and varying different consequences. As in. Tommy pushing Jack is kind of the only action to get proper consequences. Like Wilbur being kidnapped still has consequences, a lot of them, you could argue that everything that happens after is a consequence of the kidnapping. Wilbur trying to kill Tommy gets Tommy better lungs (at least Sam is working on it). Then Tommy pushing Jack sort of directly resulted in Jack pushing Wilbur, which then results in the hair washing scene and wilbur letting Tommy see his face and telling him he’s 22.

Speaking of which. HE’S 22?!? I knew you afed him down, but for some reason I thought he’d just been the Pythia for longer. But nope. He’s just 22. No longer 24. That’s only 4 years older than Tommy. And so much younger than everyone else thinks him to be. And Wilbur is right, for him and Tommy a 4 year age difference is a lot, but for someone like Phil who probably in his thirties, both of them are very young. I do also wonder how Phil is going to react to Wilbur’s injury.

-🌲

Tommy doesn't normally flinch when Phil or Techno touch him, but he's just very jumpy after everything and since Wilbur immediately showed him nothing but worry and care he's the one person he knows he can trust right now :(

yeah the cafeteria has this very specific layout in my head that's really hard to put into words?? but there's kind of two halves to the room, with tubbo and ranboo and aimsey usually sitting near the left wall when you walk in, and jack and niki sitting near the right wall, with an open path in the middle for people to walk down to get their food. I could draw out a blueprint at some point if it would help lol but yeah jack and niki were near the wall

unfortunately yes the best outcome to that entire situation was wilbur getting knocked in the head instead of either jack or tommy getting injured bc that would've just made things way worse.

exactly! niki and jack don't have beef with wilbur. jack didn't want to hurt wilbur and was horrified by what happened. niki was scared for wilbur's safety and wanted to make sure he was okay. they're on opposing sides, but wilbur himself did nothing to wrong them. niki understands why he's standing by tommy, but unfortunately that puts them at odds.

actions have consequences :) even if you don't mean harm, that doesn't negate the hurt you did to someone

well, I wanna point something out. sure, the only proper consequences, as in a punishment, happened to tommy after he pushed jack. but I'd argue the entire development of crimeboys relationship is a consequence. sure, it doesn't seem like a negative thing, and in a lot of ways it's helping wilbur. but at the same time, they are already extremely attached to one another and it's only growing stronger. codependence isn't healthy. I think it's an interesting dynamic to explore, but it's not the healthy direction for either wilbur or tommy to take. so many actions have had consequences of pushing their relationship further in this direction. so yeah, the only thing that got a proper punishment was tommy pushing jack. but there are consequences to what's been happening. just less obvious ones.

lmao yup he's only 22. tbh I was debating heavily between 22 and 23 but I ultimately decided to make him 22 more so for tommy's perspective than anything to do with wilbur because there isn't a huge difference between being 22 and 23. the difference lies in how tommy perceives wilbur. to an 18 year old, a single year DOES make a difference. they're only 4 years apart. to tommy, that puts him on a much closer level with wilbur than if he was, say, 24.

meanwhile for phil who is in his late thirties/early forties (haven't decided specifically but leaning towards forties), and for techno who is in his early to mid thirties, 22 and 18 are definitely young.

[hundchentanque]

This post was shared amongst a discord server after I watched a Elden Ring analysis video from Quelaag over on youtube and twitter

Opening statement: As the most recent game directed by Hidetaka Myazaki, Elden Ring has near-mastered the art of taking Catholic and Christian imagery and using it's evocative nature to enhance its own story rather than simply touch on the cultural zeitgeist of christianity. In this infodump, I will touch specifically on Elden Ring's use of the crucifix and how it differs from a lot of uses in cultures more heavily impacted by christianity and the catholic church.

Necessary context: In the world of Elden Ring, there are gods. A LOT of gods. These gods exist in a horizontal pantheon where they balance each other out and vie for control of the human realm/material existence. I say control, but its more like take part in/have their own domains that eventually come and go. This is often done through the use of people who are connected to them called Empyreans. Empyreans can channel, and are influenced by the the connection to their respective god. The plot of the game begins when Marika (an Empyrean) decides to prolong her own age of rulership by breaking the balance of the pantheon and attempting to become the sole deity in charge. She goes so far as to break her own connection with the god she's connected to, sundering the natural cycles of the world in the process.

Main analysis: Images of Marika's crucifixion are found all over the game, with her specifically being crucified on one of arcs of the Elden Ring itself (Seen here).

However, this is not the only instance of divine crucifixion in the game. The rune of death is also in the shape of a more traditional cross. The lore of the rune of death states that the goddess of death was cast down and her rune was sealed inside of Marika's brother and confidante, Maliketh.

The framing of the lore (of a god being cast down and sealed) coupled with the only other prominent imagery of the cross in the the game, forms the foundation of my thesis: Elden Ring inverts the popular conception of the crucifixion from ascension, to suppression and punishment.

Within the nations touched by the colonizing efforts of both the Catholic and Protestant churches, the imagery of the cross has been baked into our minds. Even those to aren't christian recognize when the imagery of the Christ's crucifixion is alluded to or even used in a secular manner (Examples in film include Zack Snyder's superman and the Wachowski Sisters' Neo). In these films specifically, the crucifixion is used to elevate the sacrifice of the characters to being analogous with Christ's. This also lends to the secondary interpretation where the use of the crucifixion means that those characters are elevated to a christlike domain of importance. Thus, while the sacrifice is usually shown, it's their ascension to christhood that gets more dramatic attention.

Elden Ring inverts this trope by having crucifixion only appear under the context of a divine will or agent sealing away another. The reasoning behind the sealing vary from character to character, but the consistency of the outcome means that Elden Ring puts crucifixion back into its original Roman context: as punishment.

This re-contextualization of crucifixion-as-punishment means that the symbol feels more original and doesn't break suspension of disbelief. I'm sure many reading this can attest to being really into a character or plot only to be taken out of it through the use of Christ imagery. This also means that it allows us to reexamine the symbol and its uses within other fiction. Take horror for example, there is the very recognizable trope of a random person or character being crucified by an evil cult or other such deviant religious organization. While in the context of horror the crucifixion is more visceral, the undercurrent of sacrifice and ascension still remains.

Even visually, Marika is not framed as a "heroic sufferer" while she is crucified. She is crushed under the weight of her god's will, not elevated to meet it.

Conclusion: Elden Ring's use of the crucifix as a symbol counters many of the popular patterns of its usage, instead of being a symbol of ascension it is a a symbol of sealing and confinement, instead of being a symbol of greater sacrifice it is a symbol of punishment from something greater. In this way, Elden Ring uses specific biblical and christian imagery without feeling like it falls into well worn tropes. This leads to a fantasy setting which feels quite original, but is incredibly understandable and recognizable at some base cultural level.

[red-space-enjoyer]

Here's what I think a tough question is:

Which Stand would Sunny have?

Sun (because Sun-ny)

Death Thirteen (because Sunny is very sleepy)

Sethan (because Sunny thinks about being Omori who is a younger version of himself)

Killer Queen (because stoic-antisocial-cat)

King Crimson (because split personality with Omori)

Jail House Lock (because memory loss)

Moody-Blues/Under-World (because memory)

or Vitamin C (because hands)?

Or is there another Stand that works better?

This is a really good list, I haven't thought about some of them - this might get lengthy, so sorry in advance

(it's probably obvious but this is gonna contain spoilers for parts 3-9 with stands lol)

-Sun doesn't really fit much

Aside from it referencing Mari's gravestone quote "The sun shined brighter when she was here" and having Sun replace the warmth that has left with Mari, it doesn't seem to fit

Nice pun lol

-Death 13 is an amazing fit

It's dream manipulation is really simmiliar to Headspace, even down to the fact that both are under an individual's control, but still can be ruined from the inside (courtesy to Kakyoin/DW Basil)

-Sethan is quite the stretch

You can say that it's ability symbolises Sunny's wish to go back before the accident, to when he was still a kid and/or having the so called "child ignorance and innocence"

-Killer Queen is a good one, as each bomb represents different aspects

Killer Queen causes tremendous demage to put it lightly to anything KQ touches, same can be said for Sunny with his violin and Mari

Sheer Heart Attack has a singular goal as a automatic stand, it only wants to complete this goal by any means necessary - same can be said for Omori protecting Sunny's psyche, seeing only means to an end

Bites The Dust is the wish to turn back time, both Kira and Sunny wanting to prevent events, such as the spread of Kira's identity and the accident respectively.

-King Crimson while seemingly a good choice, is hard to justify

King Crimson's time skip can reference "Close your eyes, you'll be here soon" from My Time, as both want to skip ahead of the pain, knowing what'll happened next

But I have to disagree on the point of spilt personalities - while Doppio & Diavolo are an example of this, Omori is something akin to Sunny's Headspace avatar. And Diavolo is the personality with a stand - King Crimson and the sub-stand Epitaph. While Doppio uses Epitaph and KC's arms, he does so after Diavolo "gives them" to him

Doppio has seemingly no stand on his own

-Jailhouse Lock is quite easy

As it represents Sunny's selective memory

-Moody Blues and Underworld are also interesting fits

Moody Blues is like watching an action play out, not being able to prevent it - only to inspect and reflect on it

It's proven to work on the deseaced too

Underground as well - it can summon events from the past and like MB, it cannot change the outcome

Essentially both stands function as observing the past without having the ability to interfere

- Vitamin C is an oddball

Aside from it's heavily themed design around hands it doesn't fit very well

I'd much prefer a stand like Geb for this manner

As for wich stands i believe whoud fit, the aforementioned Death 13 and Killer Queen fit nicely, others not on the list I believe might fit are

-Geb

As previously mentioned, Geb fits the hands motif as well

It's been shown to have a great skill and is quite terrifying to go against

-Surface

Simmiliar to MB and UW it can act as reliving a memory. It's not shown if it can copy the deseaced, but it's shown to take on the personality of it's target

You cloud say this can allow the illusion of a deseceased one to still be alive

(actually I've been meaning to make Omori into a simmiliar puppet based stand, but it's still not guaranteed)

-Whitesnake

It's disc ability is simmiliar to Jailhouse's selective memory, it's cold personality and it's "dream enduring acid trap" as well

-California King Bed

It falls into a simmiliar position to a few of the previous stands - the theme of it's ability fits, but not it's triggers for activation

-The Matte Kudasai

But that's probably a hyper stretch and I'm probably bias cuz of Jojolands

The nature of the ability fits well, allowing the user to create a copy. While this copy might look identical to the outside person, it's user knows

Thanks for the ask! It was lots of fun talking about the stands!

Sorry if I misunderstood or missed something and thanks again!

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Honestly I appreciate your posts and you! Just know there is someone out there who supports you and the amazing things you do.

Much love

H

Honestly. This is so touching. I’m so 🥹

You know, when I started this blog, it was after about a year of the universe telling me to share what I know with people. But I was so scared to put myself out there. I still am. I’ve thought about trying to put myself out there in so many ways so many times, but it just doesn’t feel safe.

Tumblr gave me anonymity and that allowed me to cut off this piece of myself and share it somewhere it could be detached from me. Having me own it boldly, it’s a huge step in healing.

I think some of this struggle to claim attention, space, visibility is tied up in the feminine collective that has been silenced throughout human history. But some of it is my own personal stuff too.

Anyway, all that to say, this blog has been such an experience of growth for me that I feel eternally grateful for. It’s helped me learn my abilities, it’s given me so much confidence in myself and proof that I am intuitive and I can trust myself.

Sometimes we become the self we dream of by becoming.

And what I mean is that so often we think we have to be there before we arrive when really all we have to do is show up. Through the process of creating and defining this blog, through the insights it’s given me, the friendships, the community, it’s been extremely healing for me. It’s been a process too. I haven’t always handled everything perfectly.

But it really has been a very affirming experience overall and I just feel so grateful to everyone for gifting that to me. When celebrities thank their fans, that’s what they mean. It’s like, if you guys didn’t read my words, they would never get to transform into knowledge. That’s the beauty of community. When others perceive the thing, it gets to become something else. My words can’t be all they are until the reader sees them and internalizes them and makes them apart of them selves.

When you come to my blog, you let my words blossom and grow inside you, you let my years of pain and struggle have a bright outcome by becoming something that helps someone else. Sometimes, most times, we need others to complete the story. Certain parts of me were finally allowed to bloom, to become what they were called to be, got to live out my, and its dream. It’s a beautiful thing. Kinda makes me cry.

I felt called to express this vibe to the blog. Maybe some of you are holding back because you are scared to share your art and others not come through to complete it. But they will find you. Your creation will transform through others and you will witness it and you will cry too. Trust yourself. Share yourself. Don’t worry how or when, just show up and shine.

I am better for having interacted with all your energies, energies I would’ve maybe never come across any other way, so thank you for this message and all the vibes you guys send this way. Just cup overflowing right now. Mahalo nui loa.

**Mahalo in olelo Hawaii is not just thank you. It’s more the essence of living in so much gratitude you willingly provide servitude. Some concepts, I’ve found the Hawaiian language just explains better. Kuleana, for example. I willingly and lovingly clean up my beach when I see trash on it, because I feel so much gratitude for the life and love she gives me, that it truly feels like the least I can do. It doesn’t feel like a burden, but something I barely mind doing. That sense of responsibility is what kuleana means. And I serve my kuleana from the spirit of Mahalo. This blog is my kuleana, just like caring for the island is my kuleana. When I say Mahalo to you guys, I’m saying with gratitude. It’s a gift that you allow me to share with you**

[spgothkidsheadcanons]

I recently found out about Jack Stauber and I must say his works are really unique. I dunno why but I think Baby Hotline would work well with Pete and his s/o

Hey friend! Sorry this one took so long!

We settled on using “Oh Klahoma” cause each time I tried a “Baby Hotline” fic, I never liked the outcome and I didn’t want you to be dissatisfied with my poor attempt at the original song.

I’m gonna keep trying with Baby Hotline, but for now, here is your request!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Set the phases to rot

What has got you distraught?

You had been invited to one of your friend’s housewarming parties at the last minute. At the grocery store earlier that day, Wendy had come up to you, wrapping her arms around you in a tight hug. She explained to you how she’s now moving out and she would love to have you at her party. You agreed, Wendy was one of your friends since the sandbox. She even asked if Pete would like to come, and you nodded excitedly, finishing your shopping and rushing home to let Pete know of the plans.

When you got there and started bringing groceries in, Pete was hunched over the kitchen table, delicately adding touches to the painting he’s been working on for 2 months now. You waited until he set down the brush to help you put away groceries before telling him the news. “I don’t want to go to her house.” he replied, uninterested in the idea of going to Wendy’s party.

You pouted, giving your boyfriend the biggest puppy dog eyes to try and convince him. Instead of relenting, he just shrugged. “Why don’t we stay home? It’s nicer here.” Pete offered, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Wendy’s my friend, and has been forever. I just want to do this nice thing for her.” you answered, resting your head on his shoulder. “Why don’t you wanna go?” you inquired, looking up at his deep brown eyes. He looked away, not giving an answer.

It's negative attention at best

But call it nothing

“It’s nothing. I just don’t want to go.” Pete reiterated, removing his arm from your shoulders.

Maybe it's something, a little bit, a little bit

Maybe it's something, do a little bit

Truth be told, his last experience with a “popular person’s” house party ended with him and his group of friend’s being bullied. Granted, it wasn’t Wendy’s party, but he didn’t want to relive the traumatizing moment again. Pete just assumed from that point on that it made the offenders feel better about themselves by putting other people down. It was like a game. A game where the least important people were pushed down so that those who peaked in highschool can be put on a pedestal.

It's all about ascension, I guess

Don't put me to rest

You went upstairs to change, passing your boyfriend who had made himself comfortable on the couch. If he didn’t want to go, he didn’t have to. But, Wendy has always been a really good friend, so you were going to go. Opening the door to the bedroom, you stepped in, making your way to the closet to find an outfit for the night.

You didn’t even notice when Pete had come in behind you, sitting on the bed while he watched you go through your closet. “I still think you should stay here tonight.” he piped up, causing you to yelp and jump in surprise. Turning to him, you shot him a half hearted glare, choosing to ignore the amused smirk on his face.

“I wish you would come with me. Just for a second, long enough to give Wendy her gift.” you replied, grabbing your choice of clothes. You turned, laying them out on the bed beside Pete. The goth hd began to pick at this nails, something he did when he was thinking hard about something. Beginning to get dressed, you were surprised when he let out a disdained sigh and got up to go to his own closet.

Go on and hand me your clothes (oh, here you go)

Take a picture or two (two or three?)

I can see you (oh)

Both of you were walking up to Wendy’s front door. You were carrying the gift you had gotten for her after you left the grocery store, and Pete had his hands tucked into his pockets. He was nervous, his face clearly spelling it out. Taking notice, you nudged him with your elbow, shooting him a smile and leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Whenever you’re ready to go, we’ll go.” you reassured him. Pete smiled weakly back at you, nodding his head.

Arriving at the door step, you knocked at the door. A moment later, Wendy swung the door open. “Hey (Y/n)! Hey Pete!” she exclaimed, hugging you. “Hey Wendy!” you chirped back, moving the present out of the way before she could crush it. She was obviously a little intoxicated already, evidenced by an almost empty wine glass in her hand.

“Come on in!” she said, stepping to the side to allow you in. You hurried through the doorway, Pete following close behind you. Setting the present down on the table, it wasn’t long before Wendy came back carrying 3 glasses of wine. Grabbing 2 of them from her, you passed one to Pete who all but chugged the glass. He was nervous, the fact being very obvious. His eyes darted around the room, taking in all of the faces he recognized and those he didn’t.

Pete wasn’t in his comfort zone. In fact, he was more jumpy every minute he was at the party. He just wanted to run away, back to the safety of his dingy little 2 person home, back with you just settled on the couch and drinking from your own bottle of wine. He looked to you, watching you talk with Wendy about her new home. Pete wanted to leave. He could feel his breath becoming erratic, tears pricking at his eyes as he involuntarily flashbacked the the party where he was humiliated infront of everyone.

“Hey, sorry to cut in, but do you mind showing me where the restroom is?” Pete cut into your conversation. It took Wendy a moment to register what he said. She giggled at her self, smacking her forehead. “Yeah, just go right down the hallway. 2nd door on the left.” she answered, pointing to a hallway a few feet from your group. He thanked her, setting his wine glass down and rushing to the room.

Tears falling down at the party

Saddest little baby in the room

You wondered why Pete had suddenly left like that. Wendy talked to you, but it just went in one ear and straight out the other. You didn’t even notice when she got distracted by Stan, who came and got her from where you were standing. “I’ll be back in just a sec!” Wendy said to you, snapping you out of your thought. “Okay, I’ll be here!” you chirped, throwing a smile in her direction. As soon as she was far enough away, you snuck off to the bathroom Pete has went into.

Knocking on the door, you called out his name to let him know it was just you. Trying the door knob, you saw it wasn’t locked and you stepped in, shutting and locking the door behind you. Pete was sat on the edge of the tub, picking at his nails again. Stepping over to him, you sat beside him, bringing your hand up to rub his back. He didn’t pay you much mind, instead staring off into the distance. “Pete… What’s wrong? Do we need to leave?” you asked softly, drawing his attention to you.

Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started

I get a little grey hair for every scare you share

Pete looked at you finally, an unreadable emotion on his face. “I’m fine. You should be enjoying the party.” he reassured, patting your thigh. You frowned, leaning your head on his shoulder. “I can’t enjoy it knowing you’re not okay.” you retorted, curling your arm around his. He rested his cheek against the top of your head.

Those aren't meant to bend

No, those aren't meant to bend

Those aren't meant to bend

No, those aren't meant to bend

He wasn’t going to force you to leave if you didn’t want to. Pete thought about his previous experiences with parties, and decided for you to ignore his true feelings about being here. “I’m fine, I promise. Let’s go finish up so we can leave.” he said, picking his head up off of your shoulder. Despite hearing that, you frowned and shook your head. “No, we’re leaving. I’ll tell Wendy that we had an emergency. I want you to be comfortable.” you said, placing your hand against his cheek. Your boyfriend leaned into your touch, turning his head ever so slightly to kiss your palm. “I can tell when you’re not okay. So let’s go. We can get a pizza on the way back.” you offered, standing up.

I hear your eyes and I see those cries

I hear those eyes and I see those cries

Leaving the bathroom, you tasked yourself with finding Wendy. Pete went ahead and stepped out, walking to the car to start it. Saying your goodbyes, you quickly followed, stepping to the passenger side of your vehicle. Sliding into your seat, Pete reached over and grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a kiss to your knuckles. “Thank you… I’m sorry that we had to leave.” he murmured against your skin, driving out of the driveway. “Don’t worry. I’d rather spend the night with you in comfortability.” you smiled, looking up at him while he drove.

Tears falling down at the party

Saddest little baby in my eye

Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started

I might die

[gunsli-01]

Kazui Mukuhara as he put on that wedding ring and let people draw their own conclusions, "I'm too good of a liar you'll find me out one day."

The funniest outcome is that he's completely single and trying to get with this girl by playing the emotional scarcity/forbidden fruit card. Like women are just drawn to things they can't have or already belong to someone else. Are you any more interested in me now that you know someone else wants me? What do you mean you're getting married got damn it-

Even funnier that Yuno said the person the most like her is him. So, what if it turns out he's just a male escort? That fell in love with one of his clients. It would fit his fashion sense as well, given he goes from suits to casual playing around fashion pretty easily. As though he's used to going to extravagent and causal parties. He could even just wear a ring to keep up the illussion while on the job with special clientele.

Though to me this dude definitely does not give off the impression that he was ever married. Come on he's looking at her like

And she's just reading

This is a tuesday for her. I can hear Just Be Friends playing beneath his song and i'm pretty sure it's because she's listening to it to drop him hints. Got Yuno's airpods in like maybe if I play this loud enough he'll realize. His first cover is Cowardly Montblanc and people think he cheated? Honestly it'd be interesting either way but ya know to cheat the person would've had to be in a relationship first right?

I don't feel like he's sufficiently proven that he was in a relationship. Especially since his whole song seems to lament not being with someone. Just saying don't let men with rings fool you some wear that shit for fun. I have had men lie to me about having multiple girls interested in them lamenting for hours in phone calls about how too many women want them.

Hell, once one of my male friends brought their whole as girlfriend to my house at three in the morning to go see she's real are you jealous what do you think basically. Then, when i responded like it's great to met you want to come in left immediately. Like please...playboys are always going to play. I like Kazui a lot, literally have a positive bias for him because he's just hopeless and so old and he reminds me of my goof off of a dad. However, my dad was also a player and a cheat to his own admission. He still is kinda but he's old.

Kazui does not give me a cheater vibe but I could be wrong. He jsut seems too concerned with having a real relationship. Even going as far as to cry about how someone else's feelings won't change. When to be honest going elsewhere is easier at that point especially if you already have other options. So, it's not just that he doesn't seem like he was married in the slightest to me but it just feels off. Like that up there is the face of pining man. That dude is smitten.

Saddly it's starting to seem as though the only thing being pulled by Kazui may be his own back and that's only due to his age! Ashe did a good english cover of Cowardly Montblanc years ago that really highlights the point I'm trying to make.

I just think it'd be super funny if Kazui was labeled a cheater but in actuality he told an old friend/crush that he met again who is already married or within a committed relationship, "Ha, ha, I'm married too we can just be friends it's fine. Totally okay. I'm so happy for you." As he looked up weddingbands to create the illusion of being married. Dude is like, "I could try you, and also try to touch you but you probably won’t notice I understand that this love is out of bounds, so nothing has to change."

He understands it's out of bounds but never really says for who it's outbounds for. He also makes it incredibly clear in his song lyrics the person he's referring to is uninterested basically begging for their feelings to change. I don't know it feels weird to think that points to him already being in a relationship. Unless what he actually means is if only your heart would change and your were willing to have an open relationship.

Like man if only you were polyamorous...Whelp time to go cheat.

[sneverussape]

all right, i'll bite :) for the 4am asks: 12, 14, 39, 87, 100. <3

:3

answering this while a storm rages outside and i’ve yet to have my morning coffee — so this will be…idk unflinchingly honest prob.

12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

when i was growing up, my parents always reminded us that, had they done something different during their past (dated another person, went to another university, etc), they would not have married each other and we would not have been born. hearing that so constantly as a kid made me have an awareness of What Could Have Been, even though what my parents were aiming for was prob a weird sense of “wow thank god you guys got married” which my brothers and i never gave them lol. i always imagine the scenarios of my parents never getting married to each other and living different lives, but also what would have happened had other decisions been made.

that sense of loss is constant when i think about these things too much - what if we had stayed in x country, what if i had gone to x school for university, what if i had said yes to this certain offer, etc. all of them would have led to a very different life than what i have now. for one thing i’d probably not have the job i have now (a field and institution i never in a million years would have thought i’d be in as a kid), and i’d probably be living elsewhere (likely the US). even staying together with a former partner would have led to a different outcome - i’d probably have kids, live in california, and have a different career/life trajectory. i’m not unhappy with the state of my life rn though, and i think this is the scenario i’d have chosen anyway had i been given the option. the grief maybe comes from the loss of deeper relationships i could have had. i miss the people i’ve had to say goodbye to and are no longer in touch with for one reason or another. i like to imagine that in other universes these other scenarios exist and we’re still having the time of our lives.

14. Would you want to be reincarnated?

no. :)) i want the end to be the end, yknow? whether there’s Beyond or Nothing i want it to be that already. no more repeats, i’m tiredt.

39. Do you know what you want out of life?

whenever people ask me this question, it always reminds me of that scene in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape when gilbert gets asked what he wants for himself, and gilbert says “i want to be a good person”. i watched this as a kid and it really stuck with me. it seems like such a simple thing to be but it’s not. i can’t control most things; i can only really control myself. what i want out of life is just me putting some good out to the world as much as possible, and making conscious decisions that would help rather than harm, even if it’s just for a single person. yesterday my friend was having a hard time but couldn’t leave the house because she had to meet a deadline. i bought her a boba tea and had it delivered to her house as a snack. it was expensive and honestly something she could have done herself but i figured it’d be a nice gesture and one thing to make her day less shitty. i want a kinder world. i try to put out what i want the universe to give back in spades to others. idk that’s all anyone probably really wants at the core of it all, right?

87. Do you anger easily?

yes. my mom has really bad anger issues (likely due to her own childhood as a military brat and being 7 out of 9 kids) and it’s a response i learned to emulate from a fairly young age. i learned to get better control of it as i went through school, copying how my peers and older mentors acted. i think i was always very self-aware, although i don’t know how i was trained to be that way, and i knew anger wasn’t the right response. i’d be seething internally but act controlled on the outside, because i knew that was how to get what i wanted/needed. i’ve mastered it at this point except when it comes to certain people who really trigger a specific response, like my brothers. mannn, the fights we get into. 🙃 i’m slow to outward anger (inside, im always angry with one thing or another lol) with colleagues and friends but when it gets to boiling point, i can be pretty vicious with words. this is also why i prefer keeping it under control because i don’t like the feeling of regret that comes when you say something you didn’t really mean, or something you did mean but know you shouldn’t have said out loud. this is also the reason my sister said she could never be friends with me if we weren’t siblings since i’m far more ruthless than what she can stand. i know that! i accept it. 🥲 i’m working on it.

100. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

hmm. idk really. even my belief of god gets challenged from time to time. probably the one thing i strive to keep believing in despite parts of me also accepting its impossibility, is how people aren’t really gone after death and there’s still a chance to see each other again someday. it’s a necessary coping mechanism for me, and though i equally accept that it can be untrue, i’d rather believe it is. i’d miss people too much if i didn’t, and i don’t think i can bear losing them so permanently. the heartache is too much.

anyway thank you @greens-your-color for the asks! sorry if it got morose. it’s the lack of coffee. 😪

have a good weekend!