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sga-owns-my-soul · 1 year

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ignore this but i need to fucking vent bc i'm in tears in a fucking university and i really need to just. fucking.

my friends asked me to come rock climbing and i said maybe, and then said i wouldn't go bc i'm exhausted and have to be up early for work, and they said we could do something else after they go rock climbing, so i was like ok fine i guess we can go for a drink. and i was gonna meet them at the restaurant but they said they'd come pick me up first and then they BRING ME

TO THE FUCKING ROCK WALL

THAT I CANT EVEN WAIT INSIDE WITHOUT PAYING ADMISSION

so now i'm sitting alone in the hallway of a random fucking university with tears in my eyes bc my friends decided to fuck all our plans over last minute and NOT FUCKING TELL ME and now i'm over an hour and a half away from home and i'm so fucking miserable and mad and upset and i just. wanna scream

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simplydnp · 4 months

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It will be a joint q&a but since they cant call it pinof because of dan's rebranding they call it Phil Howell and announce they're married

points are being made

#sorry to everyone but i dont think pinof is returning. its dead and should stay dead. it had its time. it went out well #its an excellent time capsule of dnp yknow. 10 years. across all of their eras.#like i dont even know what a post coming out pinof would look like. i dont think i want it.#i *am* absolutely all over them doing a fr ama together though.#cmon. pull down that Murphy bed and use it for once #ahem who said that #dnp #c.text #dan and phil #phan #answered

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epiphainie · 28 days

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#at risk of being shunned by my peers i dont want bucktommy to move in together till the end of the season or smth #like ep 3-4???#even if tommy is in all of those eps thats like what 10 minutes of their relationship?#i dont care if the timeskip is long i wanna see them DATE on my screen and be in that honeymoon period and get to know each other still #we've seen soo little of them so far i think it'd genuinely break my heart if we skipped all that and they moved in tgt or said ilys in the #first half of the season and like yeah the couples on this show once established move fast but i want the inherent romanticism of #FALLING IN LOVE before it gets domestic #anyway im going to bed now i have work in 6 hours byee

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faaun · 6 months

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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miodiodavinci · 7 months

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collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon

#my god #stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . .#if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out #that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team #who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out #i read the message preview on my phone #stood up #saw stars #and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w #i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be #and they tweeted it. immediately after w #no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ #all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w #because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w #EITHER WAY #i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w #which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday #but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest #and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead #but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........#perishing . . . . . .

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random-kido · 3 months

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Scavacule is so fun because you get so many dynamics between different pairs packed into one big dysfunctionally functional relationship that despite everything somehow WORKS

#rambles #scavengers #they're so funny #no clue how spin and krk met but i can do as i please with that #broke mis out and he just stuck with them #kidnapped crank and he just shrugged and said whatever apparently #i can also do whatever i want with that #picked flwheels up after he landed on their windshield like a mosquito #also just didn't leave #and looted fulcster's 'corpse'#he saw this happening then listened to mis #and chose to stick around #they're soooooooo #💜#I'd say they're a pretty tight-knit crew #but like #...#they're close and care about one another #and i think they are over all healthy and communicate fairly well for a bunch of poly cons #but also i feel like they're all one jenga argument away from a (not at all serios) divorce if that makes sense #they're dumb and in love but they've got like 4 million yrs worth of baggage to unpack together #and according to the wiki they've only known eachother for like 10 ish yrs #theyre fun #but difunctionally functional #idk if any of this makes sense #i've been up for about 21 hrs and am really tired #final thoughts before bed #might delete these tags if I hate them in the morning idk #this spiraled #goodnight

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faarkas · 18 days

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september quickly becoming the month of the 😀 emoji

#hil.txt #i have to start taking my blood pressure when i get home bc i’ve been stage 1 hypertensive every time my grandpa makes me test my blood #pressure LOL #today it was 135/88 i think and that’s uh. not so good. it might be related to the fact that i had a cold brew earlier.#but yesterday it was like 134/76 iirc and that’s like. barely better #but it rly freaked him out he was like UHHH THATS TOO HIGH FOR YOU ARE YOU FEELING OKAY and i was like IM FINE IM FINE #IT WAS PROBABLY A MISTAKE ITS OK (😬) and he was like idk about that 🤨#sigh. i want to be home with my cats so bad. and the dog. mostly eric GIVE ME MY COMPANION RIGHT NOW #my mom said he’s been surviving valiantly but he misses me ;__________; (he falls asleep on me every night at 10:30. clockwork. and if i #stay up he just sits and waits for me to finally go to bed.)#anyway i have not been this stressed out in a long time we r thriving sooo hard #earlier grandpa brought up my uncle and how he kermitted the other year and i told him we had his ashes and he lit up ;_;#anyway. i need to go home and take my meds so fucking bad. and play dinosaur game. GIVE ME THE NEW DINOSAUR MAP RIGHT NOW #just one more week………. 😭

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justabunchofdragons · 1 month

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ough why did my iv drip hurt so much 😭 i had preseptal cellulitis as a kid and they gave me iv antibiotics so it'd be a quicker recovery and the cannula was in my hand and apparently its not supposed to hurt but every 4? 6? hours when they switched the drip on i just remember it hurting so much i cried. makes me squeamish even now

#chaos.txt #that hospital trip was so crazy i remember it in such vivid detail and i was like. 8 #my eye hurt thursday evening my dad said there was no point going to a&e we'd rather wait till morning #in the morning it was all puffed up and crunchy and we went to the hospital :-) and my dad took me to eye casualty #and we sat for a few hours i remember the waiting room and everything. eventually got seen sent up to this empty ward #literally 10 beds and just me. my mum bought grapes. they put in the cannula #they tried to distract me but i rly didn't want it lol so i was squirming so i always think maybe i just made them do it wrong?#my mum had to leave the room because she's squeamish 😭 hurt like hell #then i fainted a while after. definitely related my body doesn't like needles #got moved to this other ward much busier and then honestly i don't remember #i know that i went to the kids play area on saturday and got disappointed because they only did workshops on weekdays #and my mum met a woman whose older kid had been there for a while and i was jealous of his walking IV #and in the night this girl was brought in next to me with a bunch of red angry spots #and my hand burned when they switched the IV on so my dad held my hand :-)#and there was a boy with a broken leg the next ward over and i was so fascinated by the sling #and when they took the cannula out it didn't hurt at All but i was like oh there's blood there ! so i started cleaning it up #and the nurse said oh you'd make a great nurse one day :) and i think one of my parents said or a doctor!#and . well. here we are. god 10 years later. what a wild ride

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skinreflectsthesun · 10 months

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#going to see my parents yesterday was such a mistake #I’m still feeling so drained from it #dad was literally yelling at me and then saying he’s not yelling #like okay dude #he was going off on the whole situation with my husband #and basically how he’s waiting for him to come and apologize to my dad #and he wants to clear the air but doesn’t want to be the first one to do it #and I just had so many great and clear and concise things to say #and then he started getting mad and upset #and all rational thoughts left my head #I felt like I was 10 years old again and was in trouble #he said he doesn’t even recognize me anymore and I told him I’m okay with that #and now with this looming overhead and my job stressing me out #like wow #I could just go to bed and never ever leave #but I can’t #Im responsible for more than just me now so I can’t

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iero · 1 year

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Today was my last Friday off for the foreseeable future from my job before I go back to having Wednesdays off to accommodate our severe understaffing issue on the Friday/Saturdays we’re open and I did absolutely nothing with my day today, but I do hope having a day off in the middle of the week from here on out will hopefully improve my motivation and help get me to start making appointments for stuff and the likes of that.

#personal #Ignore this. I’m thinking out loud #Having Fridays off was nice because I know we can get busy on Fridays which I’m not looking forward to but also like-#Working a four day stretch 10-12 hours a day Mon-Thurs definitely made me NOT want to get out of bed come my Fridays off.#I was not built for a five day stretch work week I think. I’m somewhat relieved going back to doing 2 days having off a day then 3 days.#Also I don’t know why I said ‘foreseeable future’ either. I have off the whole weekend including that Friday in two weeks for my birthday.#I thought I was going on a mini solo trip but I am now NOT and doing a staycation of sorts.#Again sorry. I am thinking out loud. I also have a toothache currently and I am trying to distract myself.

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snepfeathers · 4 months

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fighting the urge to buy a better stylus for my phone and an upgrade to the drawing app I have on it right now

#seeing some decent styluses in the $10-20 range. and the app upgrade is $2 #but I hardly ever draw on my phone. my laptop + ancient wacom intuos is my go-to #it'd be nice to have my phone as an option though.........#this is just an impulse. that being said if somebody wants to enable me I'm pretty close to the end of my current comm #so the queue is open #(saying this in the dead of night before I go to bed. if you message me with an enabling offer I probably won't respond until I wake up lol #storm speaking

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago #and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember)#and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him #do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao #and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that #everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it.#and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life #and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.#sigh. anyway.#im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet #and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3 #just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too?????#we're all grieving. i aint special.#i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl #thats what it looks like we're doing tonight #im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out #and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant.#not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been .#a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone.#sigh. im tired i need to go to bed #winter speaks #personal

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scaredofmyocs · 11 months

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I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror)#seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy”#but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff)#walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

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hella1975 · 1 year

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‘im on my way do you want anything from greggs?’ kiss me with tongue

#YES I FUCKING DO LETS GOOOOO #going to the dnd movie with my dnd group if I’d said that string of words to myself a few months ago I would have hate-crimed me #it was supposed to be a big day out where we all met up around now to go to the cinema and then after do a one-shot session #so I’d literally be with them from like. 1-10 #but I cancelled on them for the one-shot bc i am due the FUCK on like in the trenches with it #i legally should not be allowed around people when I’m like this for the greater good #and normally I’d be like ‘suck it up!’ and force myself through the day and the inevitable shitshow of being overwhelmed and overstimulated #and generally just very upset #but i was like you know what no. I’ll go cinema and cancel the one-shot and knowing I don’t have such a full on day #will enable me to enjoy the shorter day significantly more #and low and behold I went from not wanting to get out of bed to buzzing and smiley #literally like a switch being flipped #weird that! almost like accommodating for yourself when you’re not feeling too hot is actually a good thing and not a weakness!#might even allow myself to take painkillers. who is she a misty memory #hella goes to uni

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faaun · 1 month

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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mieczyhale · 10 months

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one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...

my son in christ you are 21

i literally want to fucking die

#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him #but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on #i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago #i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married #(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry)#i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao #i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass #but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age #is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats #just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to #mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to #deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for #so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and-#god i cannot fucking do this #it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont.#actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so #this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic #maison speaks

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