#i should do a dedicated rewatch just to see what other little details I can find

[tansyuduri]

Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E6 (Part2)

Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. We’re on A REMEDY TO CURE ALL ILLS So this is part two because last time I cut off early because there was so much lore and I accidentally posted it! ANYHOW lets continue.

Great Dragon: 20 years almost a lifetime to make the short journey back to were you begun. OKAY! so asuming Arthur is 21 in his of age ceremony in later season one episode EXCALIBUR, it means Gaius likely has not visited the great dragon since Arthur's birth.

What I find especially intersting here is "Back to where you begun" I'm assuming this means the great dragon and not the caves under Camalot.

I think this could have three meanings. If it's connected to the previous statement of 20 years I think it would imply that the great dragon might have been the one to give Gaius the idea to go to the Priestessess about making Arthur. Then Gaius came back after Ygraine died to be like "Dude WTF" to the Dragon. If the mentioning 20 years is not directly connected to "where you began" it could mean that Gaius somehow started on his journey of learning magic with the great dragon. This could explain more about how he knew Balinor ETC. And would be an interesting detail. Did the dragon teach Gaius magic knowing Merlin would turn up one day? Did Gaius just see the dragon doing a spell and be like THAT I WANT THAT. How much did Gaius study with the dragon vrs the godess priesthood he mentions later vrs books?

ANOTHER possibility is that Gaius used to go to the dragon for advice like Merlin did. I think this is less likely because the dragon at that time would not have been conveniently locked up in the basment.

It could also be both of the top two passabilies!

Great Dragon: You have struggled against his destiny but you can no more prevent it than he can! What is the dragon referring to here? We know Gaius has in fact encouraged Merlin to protect Arthur. ALSO, Merlin has not yet done anything to protect Uther at Gaius's urge yet. Later this episode is the first time he does. Gaius has given Merlin the book of spells to help him learn more powerful magic. Does he mean Gaius's urging not to use magic for little things? coresponding to the "Gaius doesn't like me to use it" line Merlin says to Edwin. I think this is the only thing the dragon can possibly mean. He thinks Merlin should be able to use the magic for many things and Gaius is not encouraging him to use it enough.

Great Dragon "He and you young pendragon one day will unite the land of Albion. I mean I guess they will in the sense that they help it be at peace as far as all I know?

Gaius: I will not choose between them (Merlin and Uther)

Great Dragon: Then turn a blind eye. That is afterall your talent.

OOF okay more about Gaius letting the purge happen and siding with Uther. I speculated in the last post about why he might have done this. But still this is REALLY not a good look. And I don't think that reason can be all of it? Was he scared? Was he really that dedicated to Uther? Possibly because Uther united the kingdom and the mess it was in? Or my merlin rewatch discord (this rewatch is seperate from that) is right besides the jokes and Utherus is real. Did he stay behind to try to protect Alice (As she later says) I mean the only time we see him helping sorcerers is with Merlin and Alice. (And in his own twisted reasoning Morgana) He tends to keep their magic a secret at times (Like with Gilli) But doesn't really go out of his way to help them.

The dragon interestingly does not mention magic returning to Albion but Gaius does assure Merlin that one day his gifts will be reconized. So apparently he is all alright with magic coming back eventually. So he cannot have been overly invested in it being destroyed. Even if he does fear it some like I theorized. It was to be one of the other reasons. Personally my bet is it's a mix of a lot of them. People tend to be complicated and it was a HUGE decision Gaius made. It makes sense to me he had a lot of reasons.

WHOA hold up! Gaius has only been in the court of Camelot since around Arthurs's birth? I mean judging by other conversations I assumed it was a lot longer. AND HE WAS CLOSLY INVOLVED IN MAKING IT HAPPEN? Why did Uther trust him so much, Why did Uther not turn on him? This could be another reason he went along with the purge for the most part. Freaking out about Uther blaming and executing him? Liking his new gig? So he became court physician around the birth of arthur... Events he helped make happen. I mean it could help explain Uther's hot and cold attitude to Gaius. Gaius helped him get a son. But that son cost him his wife, Gaius blamed magic and went along with him to try to destroy it? Also did Gaius become a "Legend, and THE VERY BEST" viewed physician during those 20 years? I have a suspicion he was before hand and Uther was like I can't do anything to get a baby don't we have that legendary physician somewhere in the kingdom? Then just up and fired the physician he had or something. (I'm assuming he already had one partly out of basic logic and party because it would explain why Gaius was not ALREADY court Physician if he was so good.) BUT this all assumes that Gaius was already so renowned that Also could have happened AFTR becoming court physician. If it was before it could also explain why uther did not just off him. He is the BEST Legendary. That would be some status to have him.

Arnica being prescribed for an old battle wound on the shouldor that gives a lot of pain makes sence. It's been used for centuries as a pain remedy. HELL you can get Arnica Gell today to help with a variety of issues. (Try rubbing it on the belly if you get period cramps.) Arnica also specializes in muscle pain, stiffness, swelling from injuries, and bruising. Its poisonous if ingested but rubbed on the body that stuff is a miracle.

I forgot to mention this earlier BUT WHO THE FUCK let a litteral child attend his parent's death by burning? Was he made to by someone? was there simply no one to stop him? AND HE JUMPED INTO THE FIRE TO SAVE THEM WTF

Edwin: with your death magic will return to camalot.

UH how does he figure? Even assuming no one ever finds out he used magic to kill Uther. Is he just gonna slowly bring it back? What is his game plan? I mean he has to know it's gonna hurt his credibility when Morgana's dreams return. (And another thing I will go into later) Is he just gonna enchant Arthur or...? If he has that kind of power why did he not use it before?

Gaius: I will not allow you to kill Uther

Edwin: You've never had a problem letting people die before

Gaius: Your parents where practicing dark magic, just like you

Ok so in this case they were practicing dark magic. But it could not have been in every case. I do like a lot of Aspects of Gaius's relationship with Merlin but MAAAAN

Okay Man Edwin you really did not think this through! If you could cure it once you would be expected to cure it again. And you are not even hiding so you are hard to find. You are in your freaking room. You would be expected to cure it! So how the hell was magic going to come back. Were you just planing to say "Sorry I cannot cure it this time?"

HEY! first time a baddie does the "join me Merlin" thing. Also this was his plan? Take the kingdom by force, possibly with Merlin. That would not have gone over well or worked well. Unless he was planning top just dominate and rule through Arthur? But if he had that kinda power why did he have to go though all this? I really don't think this guy has thought through his long term plan.

Okay so Elanthia is the name of the world in a text based computer game about dragons... Melanthia means "black flower" in greek. So not much behind the name here. Also it's interesting they can be enchanted to enter the brain and feed on it until they devour the soul. This implies the Soul kinda lives in the brain in the Merlin word.

Uther (looking sad) "There is nothing wrong with my strength. Do you remember them? His parents?

Gaius: I remember them all Sire.

Uther: Gaius, Once again you've saved my life. You've always served me well. And I know there are things that I've asked you to do, which you've found difficult

Gaius: You've always done what you believed to be right.

Uther: I was not right to betray you. I'm sorry. From now on I will remember, that in the fight against magic, you are the one person I can trust

Interstingly this implies Uther is kind of haunted by the people he has killed but possibly not enough to remember faces. (or he could just be asking if Gaius remembers them too) this is futher evidenced by the mandrake later using images of people he killed to torment him. Its an interesting detail that humanises him a TINY bit despite him being just a horrible horrible person. Also what did he ask Gaius to do? Everyone else talks about Gaius standing by, is that what he refers to? Or did he ask Gaius to be an active part in finding magic users? Gosh I hope not. This scene also shows that Gaius is in fact haunted by what happened as he remembers all the faces. The line he uses to reassure Uther is actually one Merlin uses on Arthur. The difference is what Arthur believes to be right is WAY better than what Uther believes to be right. Also Uther will only remember this until next season. Another difference between him and Arthur.

Uther: But hencforth you are a free man of camalot In feudalism, a free man is someone not nobility but higher in status than a serf. In traditional feudalism Sefdom was the state of most peasants they were given a plot of land but in exchange for having it were required to work it for the lord and give up a portion of what they made. It was basically a form of indentured servitude. CLEARLY that is not happening here, and prior to becoming this Gaius was still allowed to just leave. So we need to look beyond that! In England it later came to mean a man possessing the full privileges and immunities of a place which admission was usually by birth. HOWEVER Gaius later mentions growing up in Camalot. My guess is, in the Merlin World, this means Gaius is now higher in rank than most commoners and lower than a noble. He might have more social rights and protections or have to pay no taxes for example. (taxes are mentioned later in Merlin so seemed a good example)

[haeroniel-doliet]

Bonus content: heres the super speed summary of how I struggled through the dinluke big bang piece I started over 80 days ago! More thoughts and details on my process below to cut

- Overall wanna post this with all the flaws galore for my future self, not at all because I've just left the record function on, forgot about it and now I have this!

- Good reminder that the worst thing is blank paper and just getting something down okay, rough simple lines convey ideas its all good!

- Drawing on an airplane produces questionable results (the first more refined lines, not NEARLY enough references in use)

- Speaking of, never regretted following a reference over trying to improvise. I feel like it always looks better (that smoke is one good example!)

- Redrawing and redrawing sometimes is so worth it, other times you should just let it be and move on (those first trees before the yellow dotting were kinda okay honestly!)

- Less all sorts of different brushes is better, for consistency :')

- Theres many parts I'd forgotten that in hindsight maybe look better than the end result (like overall composition being bigger and with better feeling of space) but choices were made and I gotta choose to be happy with and proud of the completed piece, afterall its better than all the dusty never finished wips.

- Definitely didn't quite follow the big bang deadlines, I'm sorry :') in general I'd consider that greyscale to be 20% sure (proof of idea and a layout figured out!) But hilariously after what I posted for even 80% I went and redid all that work. (Maybe its not actually totally redoing if you're making the same just improved! All the ground work took its own time and I wasn't starting from scratch at all.)

- At the very end it gets abruptly cut off, despite asking the program to leave on the last frame for a bit... Then I remembered the panic I had just yesterday, because the file for these screenshots took up too much disk space and caused Krita to crash, losing all the progress of like good bit of little adjustments and corrections. I guess I never turned the recording back on, so the very final few hours are missing, but thats okay! This is not professional! (Spot the absolutely tiny differences with the final image posted :p)

-Also realizing after many a rewatch, there's been some glitch with it not recording me recolouring the characters entirely!! How sad, but you can see the difference from when they pop up around the time I'm redoing the trees and at 02.53 and when they return all redone at 03.07

- Theres a lot I don't love, theres a lot that could be better if done differently, but I really have to start being okay with being done rather than perfect!

- Really proud of myself for dedicating to doing a more involved and detailed background/scene than i've ever done before digitally. I've pushed beyond my comfort zone of just characters with a hint of a background, it will get better from here!

- Did I need to post this with all sorts of bits missing? No, definitely not, but hopefully someone will find this interesting, and my future self feels that this was helpful!

[badolmen]

The level of detail in Arcane drives me insane. Rewatched the first episode the other day and just realized the little clamp mechanism Powder finds in the trash (just before Vander and Claggor leave for Benzo’s) is pretty much the exact same mechanism all of her future bombs use as ‘teeth’

[bukojuiice]

—the lovey-dovey things they do with you while you're both stuck at home during quarantine

ೃ chars: izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugo, shoto todoroki, eijiro kirishima and shinsou hitoshi x gn! reader

ೃ  tags: headcanons, fluff

ೃ  warnings: none!

ೃ  my nav  →  my mha writing masterlist  → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau

ೃ  please do reblog if you enjoyed!! it really helps writers and content creators on tumblr!  

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katsuki bakugo: cooking and baking with him! it all started on a cozy afternoon in April, you’re mindlessly scrolling through tiktok whilst cuddling with katsuki (your sparky bf practically asleep in your arms) when you stumbled upon some cute and interesting cooking videos appearing on your fyp. katsuki peers through your phone and groggily asks if you want to try out and attempt to make some of them and you immediately say yes!

the two of you start with something simple and basic, dalgona coffee! (even playfully arguing whether or not you should adding more whipped cream to your drinks or not), after that, you then take your culinary journey a bit further by making some baked sushi, cloud bread, and mini donut cereals among many other scrumptious delights! after a while, you decided to buy some matching “kiss the cook” aprons online and even started a tiktok account detailing all of the special twists katsuki made to the recipes (although he absolutely refused to make an account at first, with some probing and dozens of pouty faces and puppy eyes coming from his adorable significant other, he finally gives in) dancing and kisses in the kitchen, spreading flour on each other’s faces, leaving sneaky love notes by the fridge, and making each other coffee in the morning were just some of the little add-ons the two of you would do with each other.

izuku midoriya: online escape rooms and virtual museum tours! the national museum of japan were offering some free virtual tours around the museum and the two of you could not just pass up the opportunity to see all the intricate pieces being displayed in the museum. however, izuku wanted to experience something else that's similar to that and so, after seeing an ad on twitter for an virtual escape room experience, izuku excitedly told you about it. jumping and hopping around like a little bunny and you couldn’t help but agree as seeing him so happy and so excited for something will never fail to make your heart flutter. the two of you immediately book a reservation and even bring out your virtual reality gears for the full immersive experience. you’re clinging to his arm the whole time as you virtually traverse a horror escape game and your freckled boyfriend tries his best to be brave just for you.

with both of your intelligent and inquisitive minds combined together, with the occasional soft couple bickering, and having to listen to izuku murmur to himself for several minutes,  the two of you solved 7 escape rooms (for a week straight) in a span of three hours each. the two of you take turns in doing the tasks of the game, and whoever fails to do so, has to do the other person’s bidding for the entire day. although the two of you could never force the other to do any mean-spirited dares to each other, most of the bidding you told each other to do were peppering each other kisses on the cheek, long and warm hugs, choosing the movie for the night, cuddling in the bed and holding hands among many other things.

todoroki shoto: binging movies and tv shows on netflix with him! this was the perfect opportunity to help your icy-hot boyfriend finally indulge in everything pop culture. and what better way to do so than on netflix and other streaming sites? the two of you end up watching every romantic movie dear to your heart. mixed with bed or couch cuddles, blankets wrapped around the two of you, a lot of cheesy and loving whispers said, and paired with some comfort food you ordered online. your watching area varied. sometimes the two of you would watch in the bedroom, living room, and sometimes you would even make a pillow fort with dangling fairy lights attached to it filling the tent with fluffy stuff toys to lie on just so that the two of you can watch on the floor.

shoto cried when the two of you finished watching the notebook and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. and all you did the entire night was give him all the hugs and kithes you could provide him. ever since then, the two of you opt for more light-hearted movies. rom-coms, disney movies and sitcoms where he endlessly referenced iconic lines from friends, the office, how i met your mother, and brooklyn 99. the days in quarantine go by with the two of you just mindlessly singing and dancing along to disney songs, rewatching rom-coms for the umpteenth time, reenacting some scenes from iconic movies with dry yet hilarious acting, and just discussing movie theories whenever he cutely and innocently asks you about some small details he missed every time you finish watching a movie for the day

eijiro kirishima: training and exercise routines with him! your shark-toothed boyfriend is a fitness buff through and through. to the point that a room in your house dedicated to just gym and fitness equipment exists. but when quarantine struck the world and your lovely home, you slightly lost your motivation to work out. eijiro continues to encourage you to do so ofc! with the two of you occasionally going outside to jog but aside from that, nothing much else. when he catches you watching a chloe ting video on youtube, he scoops you up from the couch, and you giggle trying to tell him to put you down yet he refuses to do so, as he carries you all the way to your little gym room. you notice that there are yoga mats sprawled about and since then, the two of you would do a lot of yoga as it has been proven to decrease anxiety. sometimes the two of you would get distracted and start dancing to the exercise music, accompanied endless laughter and giggles when kirisihima would do his daily planking exercise with you sitting on top of him as he does so.

there were also times when the two of you were so tired and sore. so you would give each other loving massages, there were also times when the two of you would just sleep it out or just lounge in the bed. excercise couldn’t stop your cravings and so, and there were also times when the two of you would do some food mukbangs you’ve been craving for recently.

shinsou hitoshi: playing video games with him and taking care of your little pet kitten! right before quarantine started, shinsou surprised you with a pet little kitten that the two of you decided to name gigi, named after the cat from kiki’s delivery service. the two of you always running around the house as if you were parents to a newly-born baby, watching your cute little kitten frolicking around, touching and interacting with everything he could find. after watching some “cat parents” videos on youtube and learning some tips, you attempt to give it a bath, resulting into a very wet failure. with the only time you can feel peace and quiet was when gigi was asleep or whenever he would be drinking his vet-approved milk. your quarantine life was hectic and chaotic but taking care of a cute little bundle of joy with your equally loving and handsome boyfriend... well, life couldn’t get any better than this.

when you were finally able to get the hang of the cat parents life, you and shinsou finally found the time to rest and relax by playing video games. may it be a horror, action, adventure, rhythm, or fantasy game, you were always playing with him. maybe as a player 2 or just as the supportive significant other who helped him solve puzzles, make story game choices that could change the game, and even help him with the buttons if he was trying to fight some hard boss. whenever there are jumps cares in the game, he would hold your hand and give you reassuring pats. whenever the two of you would play against each other on the other hand, he has his arms wrapped around you, with you still being extremely focused at the game at hand, he would give you pecks on the cheek to try and make you distracted so that he can win. your little pet kitten, gigi, sleeping on the couch as the two of you play to your heart’s content.

ೃ taglist: @chibishae34​  @lovelytarou​ @ramunegoddess​, @serossimpy @laudthingcat​​

[fencesandfrogs]

hi my name is matthew and i have some thoughts about haes

okay disclaimers: i’m a little jumpy around the subject so while i don’t feel i’m being unnecessarily harsh/unfair, if ur firm on haes w no yielding, and you don’t want to argue about it? either skip this or don’t respond. i don’t really care. but i’m putting the body under a read more.

[3k words, 10 minute read. sections headers, some text italicized for emphasis/some readibility. no images/videos, a few links.]

second disclaimer: i’m not planning on going heavy on sources. i will happily provide sources to people who want them, and i haven’t written the actual post yet but it’s unlike me not to cite anything, but doing an in depth well researched and sourced post on this type of subject is not something i’m up for right now.

like i said, i’m jumpy around this subject. and on the off chance someone decides this post is Bad and i must be banished to the Bad Blogs Bin, i’d rather not put a lot of work into it.

third disclaimer: i’m not particularly interested in reading X study that says actually no people who way 700 pounds are healthy and people who weigh less than 200 are going to die early deaths. i know that’s a straw man i needed to a) get it out of the way now and b) i just am tired all the time and don’t have a ton of itme for it. that said, if you do send one to me, i will probably read it at some point, and i may or may not provide my thoughts.

right then. moving on.

with no more waffling, my thesis is as follows: weight stigma is bad, however obesity is killing people and i really would like people to stop pretending it doesn’t.

i. really hate that that’s a controversial opinion. i mean i hold a decent number of somewhat controversial opinions, most of which i keep to myself because i’m a firm believer that what i think about something should not interfere with how other people live their lives. as a noncontroversial example, i think mormons are in a cult. children, being minors, being indoctrinated is a problem, one i myself am not dedicated to solving because i have other issues but as far as adults involved, that’s their business.

(*please note that i’m not expanding on my thoughts because this post is about haes but i do have a more complicated opinion i’m just trying to demonstrate something please don’t at me about cults i know that they’re bad and adults in them also need help getting out that’s not the point of this post & i’m anxious enough so like, please.)

anyway so. obesity. is bad. it is bad for your health. if you are obese, you are not healthy. that said, i am not going to tell you to lose weight. no one should tell you to lose weight except for your doctor and maybe your immediate family, and that should be from a place of “you are not living your best life and i care about you.” i, an internet stranger, along with pretty much everyone you know, does not get to tell you about how terrible your life is and what a horrible person you are for existing, because you are not a bad person for being overweight. you do not deserve discrimination or mistreatment. even if you’re not actively trying to lose weight. it doesn’t matter. you are a human being like any other and i will fight like hell for you.

i’m not planning on going heavy into eating disorders because a) that’s a triggering topic for me and b) it’s going to muddle the point i’m getting, but since it is a large part of the arguments re. haes, it’s certainly going to come up, so i’d like to list the officially recognized eating disorders.

Anorexia Nervosa (AN)

Bulimia Nervosa (BN)

Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder (OSFED)

Pica

Rumination Disorder

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)

Unspecified Feeding or Eating Disorder (UFED)

Other (aka “we are considering making this its own category but for matthew’s purposes it fits into AFRID or UFED well enough because the details aren’t important”)

so yeah. we’ll circle back to this.

section one: haes

haes initially stood for heatlh at every size. that doesn’t really matter anymore because people say healthy at every size now, however, the distinction is important. because.

okay. when i say being obese makes you inherently unhealthy, i am not saying you are having health problems for being overweight. i am saying you have a chronic illness. i have asthma. that makes me inherently unhealthy. i don’t necessarily have an health problems because i am asthmatic, but i have a chronic illness and it certainly would, say, make me more likely to die from covid. that is a fact. saying healthy at every lung functionality would not change that.

but you know, i can still be active and like smell plants and interact in the world like anyone else. i just try to keep my inhaler near by.

so similarly, if you are overweight/obese (i’ve been saying only obese because its less letters so i’m sticking with that), you can, like, live ur best life and take care of your health. you can feel good about your body and eat good food and move and again, i really don’t want anyone reading this to feel that i think everyone who’s obese needs to lose that weight because adults can do whatever they want.

what i’m angry about is that a good thing (encouraging people to make good choices no matter what so they can feel good in their bodies) got turned into a bad thing (telling people they don’t need to change what they’re doing because they’re perfectly healthy).

section two: but what about...?

see my third disclaimer. but as a fast rundown of things i probably won’t talk about in detail later:

the obesity paradox is a specific thing about a specific type of illness in the elderly. it’s also not about obesity, it’s about being slightly overweight. it’s a complicated thing, but it’s not true most of the time

sumo wrestlers have major health problems as soon as they stop exercising like crazy.

did you know there are countries where girls are force fed to become overweight? diet culture goes both ways

if you want to say healthy at every size, you have to mean that every. that means you are not allowed to say shit about underweight people. i’m sorry, is someone you care about wasting away? are they 5′10 and weigh  90 pounds and their hair is falling out because they aren’t eating? i’m sorry, you said people are healthy at every size. you can’t make fun of skinny people. you have to suck it up because you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

section three: self care

a hypothetical that is blindingly obvious to where i’m going: if a small child wants to play with a knife, are you caring for them by giving into it? what if they want to drink some vodka? what if they want to run away from home to live with a stranger in a white van?

i really really hope all those answers are “no, you’re neglecting that child, and also possibly actively harming it.”

so my point is pretty obvious: giving yourself something because you want it does not mean you are caring for yourself.

you know what i want  to do all the time? sleep and rewatch twilight every day. but that makes me feel worse. so even though it’s terrible and i hate it, i have to take care of myself (because there is only one of me that i ever get) and go outside and talk to people and eat something that isn’t popcorn because you need protein to live.

(sorry i tried to keep nutrition out of that but i have to actively seek out sufficient salt and protein due to my campus doing a lot of low sodium food, which is bad when u actually need to eat a good amount of salt to keep ur body working, and also i’m vegetarian. so i’m constantly making myself seek it out.)

that doesn’t mean self care is always supposed to be work, but i mean. i’ve always not really gotten into it. i think because i’m hella depressed and i’ve been depressed long enough i can recognize it as this separate entity when it comes to a lot of the mental stuff. like, why do i feel like everything is meaningless? that’s just the depression.

but i digress, this isn’t about me. [proceeds to talk about me again]

one phrase i like a lot for myself is “bad food makes me feel bad.” now, i’m not a fan of putting moral judgements to food. but this works for me, personally. sure, eating a bunch of ice cream right now is good, but it’s going to suck when my stomach flips the fuck out because of all the sugar. and so it seems quite obvious to me that eating that ice cream is not, in fact, caring for my body.

and i think we’d collectively be a bit better served if we could learn to distinguish between self-care and self-kindness. ask anyone who does caregiving (childcare, nurses, etc): it is hard, often thankless (at least for children they’re devils who don’t realize that their toys will get wrecked if they don’t pick them up) work. you care for them not by doing what they want, but what is best for them.

section four: diet culture

as i’ve already played my hand up above with underweight vs haes, i think it’s kind of obvious that i have strong feelings about underweight not being healthy also. so i just want to take stock of what is and isn’t diet culture, and what i think about it. this is probably the most subjective part of this essay.

things i think are diet culture

people trying ridiculous diets. obviously diet culture in the purest sense. it’s real dumb. you need all the food groups to live. sometimes it’s okay, like cutting out sugar, but i’d say its a net negative

not trying to do lifestyle changes. that’s the sustainable way to lose weight. so. yeah.

weight cycling. actually still up for debate if this is bad. this paper says no, along with a lot of others, but i’m not sitting down and reading through all of them, and all of the ones that say its bad, to offer my opinion. i’m leaning towards “it’s better than nothing,” but we’ll see

a lot of other stuff i’m doing this off the top of my head and trying to avoid issues w eating disorders so.

things i think aren’t diet culture

women being pressured to look a certain way. that’s been going on for a long time. being skinny used to be bad. it’s a fact of the patriarchy.

most things? idk i have this impression that like, anyone exercising or eating healthy is a part of diet culture, when in reality, people just have different lifestyles. (also, again, if you’re going with haes, as in HealthyAES (hyaes?) you can’t call it unhealthy or you’re not respecting that damn E)

in conclusion: diet culture has issues, but the correct response to them is not “fuck you, i’m eating fourteen pounds of sugar.” eat fourteen pounds of sugar because you want to. (also it should be fat because if you really want to stick it to the man you should be eating fat, big sugar is responsible for a huge amount of todays dietary problems, both on the under/overweight side)

section five: discrimination

yeah no fuck people who discriminate about fat people. that’s all i’m just moving along to a transition since i was drifting away from my point about health.

section six: weight stigma

...is not responsible for your health issues. being obese is. accept the consequences of your lifestyle.

well. okay. that’s a little unfair. accept the consequences of not treating your chronic illness. and i feel i’ve probably lost people for calling obesity an illness but that’s the whole point of my post.

just like carrying externally heavy objects hurts your joints, so does carrying a lot of weight inside. fat does not cushion your organs, it kills them. getting rid of weight stigma will not make these issues go away.

the treatment for obesity is eating the number of calories you need to sustain a healthy weight at your current exercise levels. (*please consult with your doctor this is more complicated when you have to lose a lot of weight.)

section seven: cico. or, why your metabolism is fine

your body does not break the laws of thermodynamics. it cannot magically create more energy out of a given amount of calories.

there are issues with calorie counting, yes. i think it’s usually done in an unsustainable way that isn’t teaching people to make decisions, just to do math. it can be hard to get an accurate count.

but you are not a miracle of science. you have not discovered how to create and destroy energy. i’m sorry to be the one to break if to you.

if you don’t believe me, if you’re really sure your metabolism is different, go on and get it tested. tell your doctors. because it’s a major problem if it’s not working right.

similarly, i’m sorry, but if someone is the same height as you and a (very, like, +- 50 pounds) different weight, and neither of you have exisitng health conditions, you are not eating the same things/doing the same exercise. you have not broken the laws of physics.

possibly, one of you have untreated celiacs or something of the ilk meaning your body is actually malfunctioning. but if that’s true, i excluded you already, so shoo. get out of here and play in the sun with the other kids.

if you don’t believe this, there’s not much i can do to convince you. but i encourage you to count your calories for a month. find some tdee calculators. weigh yourself. make sure you count everything, it all goes down. check the math. (you can do any amount of time but a month is what you need for weight to be meaningful imo otherwise you’re just proving weight fluctuates a lot).

section eight: cico. or, why counting calories is not disordered eating

it can sure be a symptom of disordered eating, and it can certainly make disordered eating worse, but it isn’t an eating disorder.

also, assuming you’re not trying to verify the laws of thermodynamics, i don’t think counting every calorie is necessary. i have approximate values (500/meal, and around 300 in snacks), which i try not to go over or under.

yeah. i actually use calorie counting to make sure i’m eating enough in one sitting. some of my medication screws with my apetite and then i only eat like 300 calories and suddenly its like 11 and i need to go to bed but i’m hungry but eating before bed makes me feel terrible and it sucks.

but hey, according to some people, avoiding that is unhealthy.

okay i’m moving on before i get salty because the next section is touchy

section nine: eating disorders.

the three main eating disorders are listed way up there. they’re the first three. AN, BN, BED.

oh, yeah, binge eating? that’s actually disordered eating too. it’s not normal.

i’m not going to elaborate on the point because i absolutely know i can’t do it without getting really fucking angry that people call calorie counting disordered eating, like i haven’t watched a fifth grader eat one meal a day because she’s scared she’s overweight. like i haven’t watched a sixth grader cram food into his mouth until he’s sick because he’s worried he’s not bulky enough for sports. like i haven’t watched an eleventh grader tell me he hasn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday, but it’s fine, he doesn’t want his mac and cheese anyway, since he needs to lose weight.

you think someone keeping track of some numbers is an eating disorder? then either you’re lucky enough to never have to deal with eating disorders on a personal level, and i’m very happy for you, or you have, and you should maybe reevaluate that.

alright i’m cutting myself off now whoop.

section ten: intuitive eating

you know, much like haes, i want to like this. it fits in with my bad-food-makes-me-feel-bad mentality. i’m angry and tired and hungry because i ate like, a late breakfast/early lunch and now i need to eat again because if i don’t eat every six to eight hours i have a medical condition that makes me feel like shit (an aside: unless you’ve been told by a doctor, you don’t need to eat every 2-3 hours. unless you’re a child or have an applicable medical condition, you can probably eat one meal a day and be firne.)

but much like haes, it now has a meaning i can’t in good consience endorse. i can’t stand for a movement that tells people who acknowledge weight makes their joints hurt that they just need to keep eating until they feel better.

section eleven: conclusion

i have a lot more thoughts but again i’m hungry. i meant to talk more about IE and my problems with it but maybe that will be its own post.

i won’t say i’m happy to talk about this because i can’t promise i am (see: eating disorder issues.), but i will most likely respond to constructive discussion if someone sees this and wants to. i can also provide sources. i hate going, “sources available on request” but i tried to provide some stuff for some of the heavily disputed/i already had a source for it and didn’t have to dig through google scholar to find information that’s been peer reviewed.

and i do sincerely wish everyone, at any size, that they fracture the disconnect between them and their bodies (oop didn’t talk about that either another time then) & that they find peace with who they are, and that they get to live happy & fulfilling lives.

[reachexceedinggrasp]

So the majority of the shows I’ve seen lately can be charitably described as ‘light entertainment’, including the ones with dark elements or more weighty, ponderous plots. They might be entertaining or interesting, they just... don’t stand up to scrutiny. Turn your brain off because this isn’t that carefully or skilfully made and you’ll only be annoyed if you start thinking about it as a whole. Including the last couple 'tragic’ historical dramas I’ve watched, which were not effective tragedy for that very reason. If you’re going to kill off the main cast, you have to earn it, and overwhelmingly writers don’t. Anyway, I’ve been getting despondent about whether stories which actually hang together and form a coherent narrative unit with consistent themes are the exception rather than the rule.

(And I feel like that should be a pretty low standard to meet, it’s sort of Step 1 of ‘being a story’: be about something! Communicate something, no matter how basic it is. Dead simple stories with rock basic messages can be revelatory! Just do it well!)

I’ve seen very little genuinely focussed or meaningful storytelling in my ventures for what feels like a long time. Basically, I can kind of count on one hand the number of films or dramas or whathaveyou I’ve seen from the last few years where it felt like the filmmakers were in complete control of their story and everything in it was purposeful and intentional. Most things have felt slapdash or shallow or fleeting. Story elements and character choices come out of nowhere just to derail already concluded arcs and fill screen time with empty repetitious drama, not to serve a meaningful narrative purpose. I would be watching with zero confidence anything in particular was going anywhere or that the writers knew where that should be. It’s just throwing shit at the wall, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type writing all the time and it fucking shows.

But then I watched Money Flower.

Money Flower is different. Money Flower is towering head and shoulders above every modern drama I’ve ever seen. Titanically good writing which rises above its genre and makes conventions seem radically new and fresh not by reinventing them or deconstructing them, but by playing them straight, taking them seriously, and committing 1000%. This is all your familiar rich family tropes but with masterpiece execution, infused with consequence and meaning because they’re all driven by the psychology of complex three-dimensional characters. So many moving pieces and none of them are random or unmotivated. Just... GOOD WRITING. And I want to make the point that it is this wherein art lives. The difference between a rank Lifetime movie and Romeo and Juliet is not novelty or tropes or plot twists- it’s execution.

This show is such a perfect example that it is not ‘mere events’ (aka plot) or novelty or shock value or cool ideas which separates something brilliant and timeless from forgettable schlock; it is solely and entirely execution. It’s writing itself, if you know what I mean. You can describe many of Shakespeare’s tragedies and history plays as soap opera plots. What makes Macbeth a deathless masterwork and Death Wish Hollywood wank isn’t a fundamental difference in subject or genre. It’s Shakespeare’s characterisation and purposeful storytelling. It’s the poetry of the dialogue. It’s the craft of writing. Most of Shakespeare’s plots are based on existing stories or on historical events and that has never mattered because novelty is not an inherent good or of any inherent artistic value.

Like, this is the problem with storytelling right now blah blah GOT, shitty endings everywhere etc. because power over the audience (can’t let anyone guess the plot, looking ‘clever’ with meaningless callbacks) and novelty are valued over narrative structure or things making sense or emotional verisimilitude. We have so many writers thinking being ‘shocking’ is all it takes to be a genius. It’s easy to be shocking if your story makes no goddamn sense because things that don’t make sense are literally unpredictable. Not in a good way, though. A great twist or sudden swerve needs to be unexpected but inevitable in hindsight or it does not work. I should be able to rewatch your thing and think ‘oh, of course! you can see it was [x] all along!’

We have so many popular writers now who are so shallow they don’t think anything needs to make sense on a character or emotional level. They don’t think their story has to be about anything. Substance is irrelevant as long as the surface is flashy enough. That has no staying power, you can only watch it once and you will forget about it quickly.

However, if you have ever wanted to experience the constant heightened stakes and High Drama of a soap opera without being annoyed at how ridiculous it all is and while actually giving a shit about the characters because they feel like real human beings, if you’ve wanted to feel repercussions when characters make choices, and get the emotional payoff that is the entire point of drama- now you can. Watch Money Flower. And let me tell you, it is fucking riveting. This show is mostly made up of people sitting in rooms talking and yet it is heart-pounding excitement nearly every episode. It is profoundly traditional and by the book while being totally fresh. It’s the most engrossing and satisfying artistic experience I’ve had in a long time.

Like, THE TENSION, THE DRAMA, THE REVEALS!!! You can, in fact, spend most of 24+ hours on the edge of your seat about family problems and business mergers. It seems unlikely, but that is the power of this series, it creates insanely high stakes and mesmerising suspense out of the most commonplace ingredients. Familiar plot elements become brand new and surprising under the deftness and tightness of this narrative. The plot itself is certainly 100% melodrama but it never feels like a soap opera and is never ever soapy in in a pejorative sense because it handles its classic tropes with such maturity and nuance that it's like you've never seen them before. The writing is incredible.

It is on an entirely different level than the vast majority of dramas, with a total self-assurance that keeps the pacing relentless yet unhurried- taking its time to let the impact of events be felt, the narrative always knowing exactly where it’s going and how to get there. The characters are all multi-faceted and unpredictable without ever being incoherent, their motives and goals always being gradually uncovered in more detail that only makes the storytelling and characterisation even tighter, even richer. The twists and cliffhangers are always mind-blowing but always earned, never cheap or nonsensical, and I can't remember ever thinking that about another show. (There’s literally one exception towards the very end where something a bit random happens for reasons of pure symbolism- it’s a misstep imo but it’s minor in the scheme of things)

Every time I started to doubt the writing, started to think ‘oh no, they’re going off the rails’, they showed me I was wrong and they were in total control. The only 'problem' with the show is that the drama is also profoundly painful to watch unfold, particularly in the beginning, because it's a story where everyone makes terrible life choices and moral corruption is everywhere. It's hypnotic though, like a car crash. If you can handle something dark, insidious, cerebral, and character-driven there is nothing I've seen in the same vein that can approach its brilliance. It’s like The Magnificent Ambersons as a slick modern revenge drama. There is also (PRECIOUSLY!!) a core of stunning romanticism around which all the horrors revolve and that saves it from becoming hideous or cynical. There is a chance for redemption and a new beginning after all, in spite of all appearances.

The ending has apparently been controversial, and it is definitely not quite as climatic as you would have expected given how powerfully climatic almost every regular episode is, but it's a good ending. There isn't full closure, they don't provide final resolution in a bow, but to me it's an ending about hope. It suggests optimism for our characters and I was satisfied with that. It's extremely rare for a 'revenge story’ to allow this kind of room for healing and it can do that because, imo, we discover in the end that it wasn't ultimately vengeance in Pil Joo’s heart. He has not become a tragic hero who will be consumed by the cannibalistic darkness of revenge, his quest was for justice. He teeters on the edge of the abyss but he avoided falling in; he didn't sell his soul, at least not irrevocably.

He is nonetheless a very tragic figure and an anti-hero, but despite having dedicated his life to bringing down the Jang cabal, it’s not that he’ll stop at nothing. He will make any personal sacrifice no matter how desolate, he lives as a mere husk of a man, and he facilitates enormous emotional harm to others in service of his goals, but he has ethical hard lines he never considers crossing. His sense of decency and compassion is never extinguished; he does care about the collateral damage he is causing even when making justifications for it. It’s important to him to give people as much agency as possible in their choices, to mitigate the damage done by his schemes as much as he can. To try to prevent harm coming to undeserving bystanders. Not that this makes it okay that he uses people, which he does, but the point is he never completely surrenders his moral compass to avarice. He’s never okay with burning down the world or ruining innocent lives just to get to his target.

Pil Joo is less a vigilante and more an avenging angel, he wants justice more than retribution. He wants fairness and a better, safer world where what has happened to his family won’t happen again. The reason this story never becomes Sweeney Todd (aka: a full on tragedy where we see the inevitable outcome of lust for revenge) and the reason he can survive twenty years spent pursuing someone’s downfall is exactly that principle. Searching for retribution would have destroyed him, he would have become the very thing he hated, but instead he goes as far as necessary to publicly expose the Jangs for what they are and then willingly submits to penance for his complicity in their crimes and tries to atone with the people he hurt along the way. Purged, he’s symbolically reborn and takes back his real name to maybe finally have a chance at the life he should have had. He moves on, content, a positive force. He’s capable of healing from the ordeal because he realises he doesn’t need retaliation, just seeing them stopped and facing consequences for their actions is enough.

The love story is a superbly poignant part of this. Their love is the ‘victim’ of his revenge and it will forever be impacted by it, but it’s not something that can be killed, so there’s still hope. Mo Hyeon’s bookending rescues of Pil Joo from death mean first that he has a purpose he must fulfil and then the second time that he has freedom to finally live as himself, for himself. There’s a future. And maybe they can be together there. I’m emo about it.

Anyway, if there was the slightest doubt about me becoming a long-term Jang Hyuk fangirl, it’s been put to rest. This performance is easily one of the best I’ve ever seen, period. No contest it’s the best I’ve seen in a tv drama. It’s also the most subtle and masterful turn he's delivered in his whole career. He's so restrained, but he is giving absolutely everything; he has total control over every microexpression, every gesture, every molecule in his body. There is so much simmering under his surface, so much going on in his eyes; the layers and depths are endless. The intensity and sharp intellectual focus he brings to the character is breathtaking. Everyone else is doing amazing work too, but he is almost constantly on screen and has this spectacular command of such a sprawling story, such a complex character, and he makes it look effortless. All artifice has melted away. The fact that being so tightly contained is in stark contrast to the bombastic element in many of his other roles renders its delicate precision even more startlingly impressive. I thought he was a great actor before, but I didn’t fully appreciate what he was capable of until Pil Joo.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 3x2 rewatch: thoughts and reaction

This is dedicated to the one and only Lucas Jade Zumann, who turns 20 today. Now, without further ado, let’s dive right into this episode.

When did Marilla become what TVtropes calls an Amazingly Embarrassing Parent? I mean, it was a matter of time, now that she’s a full-on mother to Anne. And Gilbert’s reactions are everything. Everything, I tell you.

How wonderful - Anne is going to town to learn about her past. I love how they incorporated this into her story in the series, it’s, as Anne herself would say, so much more ‘romantical’ than what the books gave her as a backstory. Also, there’s something about train rides that I love so much... maybe it’s because I don’t get to ride on a train very often, so it’s exciting for me... but let’s turn our attention away from me and back to Shirbert on the train again. 

‘Yes, I’ve taken notice of that.’ Wow, the wording. I bet he’s taken notice of something else, too. But with how Anne is treating him, Gilbert doesn’t seem in a hurry to confess any feelings just yet. Plus he seems not to know how... this is so perfect yet so frustrating at the same time.

Matthew’s awkwardness around women warms my heart. He’s just such a precious cinnamon roll and that’s that on that. 

This ride makes it, once again, so clear just how similar Anne and Miss Stacy are. True kindred spirits. Her incessant talking and unquenchable excitement over everything, combined with Matthew’s awkward struggle to find words, remind me so much of Anne’s first ride to Green Gables. 

Mary’s happiness over seeing her son, and his own cheerfulness compared to the last time we saw him are just everything. Everything - I’ve got a feeling I’ll be using this word a lot in this post. This episode is just that good, at least so far. I’ve allowed myself enough time and distance to forget what happens in it (or at least the details, I do remember some major stuff), so I can experience it almost as if for the first time. I love that about rewatches. 

Elijah is thinking about staying - what a lovely family they could be. But he’s quite... wary of Delphine, as if he’s jealous of the family his mother has built herself in his absence. I don’t really know the feeling, but I can tell it’s a horrid one. 

But look who it is - the man himself, Cole Mackenzie! I’ve been so excited to see him again, and now here he is, in flesh and blood. His friendship with Anne is just... you guessed it - everything!

I am so beyond happy to hear Cole talking excitedly about his new school and new friends, and his happy new life. This guy deserves the world - and he’s getting increasingly large portions of it now. So brilliant.

I see we’re being introduced to Winifred Rose here. She certainly seemed like a potential kindred spirit in her introducing scene - too bad her and Anne’s relationship to Gilbert wouldn’t allow this to happen. But who knows - maybe someday in the future... #renewannewithane

May I just say how much I agree with Miss Stacy on the matter of choosing to be single. No one should be forcing you to find a partner if that’s not what you want. I remember coming out to my high school ‘friends’ as aroace. Their immediate reaction was to try and find me a boy. Some people just don’t understand that not everyone needs romantic  (or otherwise) companionship to be a happy, functional human being. I admire Miss Stacy for standing her ground on the matter.

Anne’s traumatic past haunts her more than ever once she goes back to the orphanage she’s spent most of her life in. I think I’m getting traumatised just by watching, imagine what Anne has lived through. 

Poor Anne can’t even muster up the strength to speak, traumatised as she is. Thank gods for Cole, always there to help out. But I guess he must be realising now, just as I am for the second time, just as I was the first time around, how much Anne has really been through in her short life so far. She’s really lucky to have the Cuthberts now, and her friends, friends like Cole. But she’s still haunted by all the trauma. I’m crying. I don’t know if I can carry on with this rewatch. I might just stop right here. 

Seriously, thank gods for Cole. How can he always bring so much light into other people’s lives, even back when he didn’t have that much light in his own? And to be honest, Anne does the same for people. She’s done it so many times that she needed someone to do it for her for once. Thank gods for people Cole. 

‘If you’re having fun, you’re doing it wrong.’ That is a serious red flag. I know things were different back in time, but I really think that you can’t have fun with something unless you’re doing it wrong, it’s better not to do it at all. So Gilbert should pursue what makes him happy, not try to stick to formalities that, at best, bind him. But hey, he’ll have to figure that out for himself. I can’t possibly go in there and tell him. But gosh, how I wish I could...

‘The best part of knowing the rules is finding acceptable ways of breaking them.’ I feel like that’s an important message. Rules aren’t meant to be obeyed blindly. It is crucial to know when and how to a rule to make the world a little bit of a better place. I’m not sure that’s the message here in this situation, in fact I think it’s most likely not, but I’m taking what I can out of it, and I’m flying with it. Isn’t that what I always do? Twist any topic towards an aspect I can talk about - since I can’t really talk about a great many things. Well, whatever, let us try and focus on the episode at hand now. I really struggle with staying on track. But I still have half of this episode to rewatch, so let’s get back to where we were. 

Elijah is seriously out of line. Seriously. I get he’s bitter that Delphine is getting the family he didn’t quite have, but his mother is right about him needing to sober up. And Bash’s trying to understand him, but some people really need to meet the business end of things rather than the kind, understanding end. 

‘Catch a man. Is it like fishing?’ Gosh, Muriel Stacy, you crack me up. But she’s absolutely right, you know. Romance and courtship should not be like fishing or hunting. A partner is not an object to be obtained, not a prize to be won. They are a fellow human being with needs of their own. But if Muriel doesn’t want one, as I said somewhere above, she should in no way be forced to ‘catch’ a man.  

Anne needs proof that she was loved... well, look no further than the pair of lone siblings who accepted you in their home and in their hearts. Look no further than the Cuthberts. 

Gilbert is quite unusually cheerful today. I’m guessing that would be courtesy of Winifred. In another universe, maybe. Either way, there is a more serious issue at hand. Elijah again, who else. He’s stolen from John Blythe’s possessions, as if he has the rights to. 

‘Fraternising with savages’? Seriously, Marilla? After all the good things I said about you? Not that they weren’t true, mind you, but that doesn’t make the part about calling other people, fellow human beings, ‘savages’. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

Gosh, that was quite a way to say those three little words. Three heavy, meaningful little words. And sure, as far as I understand, for I am no mother nor do I want to be, worry is the biggest sign of a mother’s love. And despite all the things Marilla said about the Mi’kmaq, she is a good mother to Anne. 

Let’s sum up: Marilla is an amazingly embarrassing mother, but a mother nonetheless; Anne is so cold to Gilbert that he has to resort to awkwardly courting Winifred - why?; Anne’s quest for her own past; Cole returns - thank gods for Cole; Elijah is also back, but I can’t welcome him with open arms; Miss Stacy is a true kindred spirit who, however, does not need a man to be happy; Anne is haunted by her traumatic past; Elijah steals from a dead man; ‘fraternising with savages’ - have we forgotten Anne was also a person whom mothers didn’t want their children fraternising with?; Marilla says ‘I love you’.

[rigelmejo]

the word brain - summary and notes

the word brain: http://www.amedeo.net/wb/TheWordBrain2015.pdf

It’s a book about how to learn a language. I like the straightforward estimates of time lengths in it. What I’m about to write is gonna have a lot of notes to myself (as usual lol). 

anyway, below is the word brain summary. and my ideas on how to maybe add its ideas to my study plan.

Notes:

Increasing Vocab:

I tend to not do the explicit vocab study the book starts with for very long. I did it for french for around 1000 words (which was apparently enough base), and 2000 words using memrise for chinese. Now for japanese I use memrise to do this step. 

What I learned from this step, is there may still be use in dedicating some time per day to reading my hanzi books and common-word dictionaries - and reading sections over a few times in spaced repetition (like day 1,3,7,13, 30) could work similarly like memrise/anki. So I could still have use for them.

This book mentioned word lookup in novels counts, if you do it often, and so I can see how I usually quickly abandon “this writer’s way” of increasing vocab, and move onto relying nearly entirely on reading and word lookups to learn as soon as I feel reading is doable. So again... I could speed up word acquisition with either: more memrise/anki, or more glancing at my reference texts every so often. Not that much time is needed either - 5 minutes to learn a word (so studied in like 30 sec - 1 minute intervals over multiple sessions). My usual strategy of reading to acquire words definitely works - but I could probably speed it up a bit by a bit more purposeful reviewing. And I could still have a use for my reference books if I use them for hanzi/word learning.

Also - aiming for 5000 words in related languages, 15,000 in very unrelated languages, is usually enough for overall comprehension.

-

Listening skills:

Need generally 1,500-2,000 listening hours to parse speech in a language. This time can mostly be done surrounded by language audio. So basically: yes playing your target language in the background does help. And will help for up to about 2,000 hours, at which point it should’ve benefited your ability to parse speech. If you have difficulty parsing speech, listen more.

You can also do shows/audio you intensively listen to/focus on purposefully (like Listening Reading Method, shows, documentaries). The takeaway point is just - there’s actually merit to the suggestion to “listen to target language as often as you can.” (Which I did not know there was any real benefit). And that even if you’re not trying to comprehend it’s content, simply practicing parsing the sounds by listening is beneficial. So I’m gonna start playing more audio in the background more often. 

-

Reading:

I basically do the advice. What this book recommends: using audio at first whenever you read, to create the correct ‘inner voice.’ I didn’t do it, do it now sometimes, it is what it is. But probably good advice for new learners to USE their textbook audios, course audios, and graded reader audios when they have them available - since they’ll help. (The sure would’ve helped me in french ToT).

-

*Grammar: 

Like my plan to read a grammar guide, this is kind of similar. But this book recommends learning the most common grammar structures just like words - “nailing” them in your memory by reviewing them (in spaced repetition). I think this is probably something I could add to my studies - picking up my grammar books, and reading and re-reading parts of them to help remember them better. So studying them much like words. Or watching grammar videos and rewatching/reviewing in that same kind of sequence to help remember.

I could possibly do a few review grammar guide fast-overviews - where I just reread old grammar guides I read now and then, to reinforce the memory (like spaced repetition). This is something the book recommends.

I don’t think the book mentioned it, but this could be a good place I could add 50-100 hours of producing/practicing grammar structure - at least the main ones.

Basically though - I could do a little grammar-focused study.

-

Speaking:

Grammar overview/learning words. Listen, read, first. Then shadow. 

---

Summary: could use my reference books by studying similar to how anki/memrise work and just reading/re-reading in spaced review sessions (If I want to increase how fast I learn vocab), reading and looking up words repeatedly to acquire vocab does work though. Listen to more audio in background in general. I could probably use 50 hours of some review of the grammar more (review same as words), and some particular practice on main grammar. I should shadow more.

---

Looking at their table, chinese is probably going to take 3-5 years, and if I eventually slow down my study then up to 6 years.

I also think if this book’s definition of fluency is higher than mine like ‘C1′ competency, then I might get away with accomplishing my goals 1-2 years faster than this book’s timeline - since B1-2 is usually enough for me to be happy with what I’m able to do (I would imagine B2 is definitely enough to read/listen for enjoyment and talk to people about general topics with some fumbles?). Anyway... based on their table I would guess it will take me 1-2 more years to do what I want comfortably? At least, if I can keep my reading progress improving at the current rate or throw in some extra hours this year, I think within another year I might get to a point where I can read/listen for enjoyment mainly. At which point, slowing down my progress by studying less wouldn’t bother me as much - then if it took another 1-3 years for improved fluency because I’m studying slower, I wouldn’t mind as much. If this book’s fluency aim is around B2, then I’m probably looking at at least 2 more years. Still not bad ToT I have a bit of a warped perspective, I expected like A2-B1 level reading skill to take 4 years, whereas its taken me more like 2 years, so I’m already way ahead of schedule in how much time I thought chinese improvements would take.

I can at worst *painfully* read most modern things I try to now - so weibo, random literary stories/novels, gu long, webnovels, shows, tests, news. Sometimes I can read much easier than that, but in the worst cases I can take a while and grasp the main ideas and some details (did that with some random novels/news). Which is where my french was at about 1 years in. Chinese, having less cognates, means I’m not going to learn the unknown words fast enough to ease the ‘pain’ unless I keep studying to speed up word-learning. So that’s what I’m doing, still studying much more than I did for french at this level. But as far as milestones, I’m around what I consider A2 pushing into B1 (starting to not find modern material completely impossible) - in chinese I’m even a little better, I can start pretty much whatever new show I want and follow the main story and some details at minimum. I was never able to do that in french. Also I can follow some audiobooks/audiodramas if I have prior context - I have never tried that in french.

My personal “milestones” I go by:

a. can recognize enough common words to start trying to read comics/books with a dictionary (could be very painful lol) - this is when immersion becomes feasible.

b. know enough basic words to start trying to basically express self imperfectly (ideally eventually basically in many ideas) - this is when language exchange becomes realistic/journaling.

c. can recognize enough words and grammar in reading that main idea is generally understood without an aid (main idea understanding without aid might be painful but its possible) - this is when immersion in french I could stop using a dictionary, and in graded reading material i want at least this level of comprehension to start using it, this is when immersion can become pleasant with a dictionary, when info can start being learned from context somewhat more regularly.

d. can start to recognize main idea without aid without it feeling draining, and some amount of detail without aids - immersion now pleasant without a dictionary/aids, can learn more from context alone without feeling drained, with aids i can now pick up new words quicker but without it being draining, comprehension is now enough that depending on material i don’t feel any need/desire for an aid to grasp the missed details.

e. can recognize main idea and nearly all details, the rest mostly clear from context, nothing feels draining (mainly i only have this in graded reading materials - but in chinese daily life manhua i often feel like this now, with french website navigation or informational texts since i use them a lot, etc).

a+b is usually my goal within 5 months to a year - french took me 3-5 months, chinese took me 5-8 months. japanese took me 1.5 years lol. c is my absolute minimum goal - its enough to at least consume media with a dictionary. the beginning of the c stage can still feel ‘painful’ since all reading is ‘painful reading’ or ‘intensive reading.’ But it is comprehensible with a dictionary, so I can start learning that way. d is when I start feeling happier lol, and different areas of comprehension reach d at different points. e is my usual goal but i’ve only really hit it in certain ‘genres’ of content. All these milestones i can also ‘partially hit’ - for example in japanese years ago i hit ‘basic main idea’ milestone c for manga, but not for any other content type. For japanese... it took 2 - 2.5 years to hit c stage, which is where I’m picking back up (I can understand basic main idea with intense draining feeling, but with a dictionary i can follow most things). Now that I’m picking it up, I seem to be c in a few more ‘genres’ - video games I can also follow main idea better, and now novels are more doable with a dictionary (though i would NOT say i could follow even the main idea of a novel chapter without a dictionary). My chinese is sitting at d mostly for reading, at the earlier side of ‘usually I decide to look things up’ for missing details because i don’t want to always rely on context alone (unless its a show or manhua or extensive reading practice).

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 3

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 5,841

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

I’d done it.

I’d gotten a job.

My very first job.

And I was already regretting it big time.

But really, could you blame me? I’d had to interact with three, count them, three people so far. Would the torture never end? No, because it had only just begun! And those were just my boss and coworkers, I hadn’t even gotten to a customer yet. I was dreading that inevitable moment as it drew ever nearer with each passing second.

Oh, and did I mention the uniform? Because, dear lord, if I’d known this is what I’d be signing up for, I probably never would have applied in the first place. For starters, I had to wear a light blue fitted, long sleeved, off shoulder blouse which, granted, wasn’t that bad. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. It was paired with a black mini skirt that stopped a couple inches short of the knees. Can you believe it? A mini skirt.  I didn’t see any of my male coworkers sporting booty shorts, no, they got to be fully covered up in white button ups, blue vests, and black slacks. Talk about sexist!

But a job was a job, and I had to start somewhere.

And that somewhere just so happened to be the Ice Palace - a small ice cream shop located in the food court of a local mall known as Dusk Town Center.  The walls of the little parlor were decorated in a jagged, cerulean, semi-transparent plastic, simulating the whole frozen castle vibe. The mascot was Sven the Reindeer, which was actually sort of weird to me. I mean, I get it, reindeers are up where it’s cold and snowy all the time, but weren’t they really more of a Santa thing? I just couldn’t really picture them chilling in a frosty throne room, you know what I mean? But hey, I guess it just gave the marketing team an excuse to sell cute caribou plushies, which were everywhere - dangling from the ceiling, sitting atop the cash registers, filling boxes upon boxes in the back… basically anywhere there wasn’t ice cream, there was a stuffed, huggable, googly eyed little deer.

All in all, not exactly a dream job, but pickers can’t be choosers. Especially when the picker, aka me, had flunked out of twenty-some-odd interviews before finally landing this one. Don’t get me wrong, Rayne and Riku had been great teachers. The problem had been with the pupil. No matter how hard they tried to iron out all my nervous habits and anxiety-induced rambling, a few quirks had still managed to slip through. This had led to no small number of awkward moments and don’t-call-us-we’ll-call-yous. But at last I’d managed to keep it together long enough in one interview to trick someone into hiring the trainwreck that was me.

Just my luck it had to be the frigging food court ice cream place with the stupidly short skirts.

It was my first day on the job. The guy who was training me had left me alone after setting me up with a handful of orientation videos to watch and telling me to come get him when I was done. I was seated in one dark corner of this small room that was part storage space, part break area. Before me was a tiny TV atop a VCR that could only be from the Stone Age. Seriously, I didn’t even know such relics were still in circulation anymore. The videos were just about as dated and mind-numbing as you’d expect. They included one such gem as, now that I was a valued employee of Ice Palace, I wasn’t just a part of team but a family. It also felt the need to cover the obvious, things like don’t be rude, don’t handle the product without washing your hands first, don’t kiss, grope, or otherwise manhandle coworkers or customers, don’t go getting yourself locked in a freezer… you know, things I would never, ever do in the first place, not in a million years.

Suffice it to say, I was bored out of my skull.

That said, this was way better than having to talk to an actual human being. So it probably wasn’t hard to imagine my disappointment when the credits at last rolled on the final tape.  Sighing, I rose from my chair and clicked off the ancient television set before turning to face the door across the room.  My fellow employee that I needed to check in with now was somewhere on the other side of it.

Where the customers were.

Waiting.

Lurking.

I shuddered.

I then took the opportunity to fidget with my skirt, tugging at the hem a bit.

Note to self: use first paycheck to invest in some tights. This whole bare legs thing just was not working for me. 

Ugh, why a mini skirt of all things?! I mean, come on, it was the Ice Palace, shouldn’t we be dressing more the part? I’m thinking Inuit attire, I’m talking fur-lined boots and layers upon layers of thick, fuzzy coats covering me from head to toe. But a skirt? It just wasn’t realistic! If I were in a real castle made entirely of frost, I’d be freezing my rear off right about now!

I then adjusted the black cap with a blue bill atop my head that sported our cursive logo, complete with a teeny doodle of a palace, before tightening my ponytail that stuck out the hole in the back. I’d opted for that over my usual braid. Figured it would make it harder for me to fiddle with my hair when I got anxious.

Unfortunately, I had now run out of trivial (but one hundred percent necessary) ways to procrastinate.  Guess there was no putting it off any longer.  I slowly approached the door, watching it grow more ominous with every step that brought me closer to it. Halting in front of it, I reached for the knob. But then I stopped, hesitating before retracting my hand and looking back over my shoulder towards a second door on the opposite wall, a green Exit sign glowing over it.

The door to freedom.

Perhaps it wasn’t too late for me to follow my dreams and become a hermit. I could always buy a fake beard. No one would ever know the difference.

My eyes darted back and forth between the two doors, my breath becoming shallow and my heartrate quickening. Then, biting down on my lower lip, I took a step towards that Exit sign and-

“There you are!”

I froze with a wince before turning my back on that tantalizing exit, instead facing my coworker who was now leaning in through the other door. He was tall with brown eyes and his head shaved bald beneath his own cap. A thin, black goatee wrapped around the friendly grin he was shooting my way as he now fully stepped into the room to join me, looking quite dapper in his vest and neatly ironed pants.

I chuckled nervously, clasping my hands behind my back.  “Er, yeah… here I am.”

Drat. So close!

“Was wondering if you’d gotten lost, figuring as how you should’ve been long done with those videos by now.”

“Nope, was just… on my way, Lucius.”

“Ah ah!” he chided, waggling a finger in my face before gesturing to his work attire. “When I’m in the uniform, it’s Frozone.”

I blinked.  “...Fro...zone?”

He nodded solemnly.  “Yup. Because when I’m on the clock, I’m in the zone.” That last word was emphasized with a wide sweep of his outstretched hand before he tacked on dramatically, “The Frozen Zone.”

“...I see.”

He seemed to take great pride in his work.

I wondered if I would ever be that dedicated.

...or if I ever even really wanted to be that dedicated.

“So, um… Mr Frozone… what’s next?”

He jerked a thumb over his shoulder back towards the door he’d come in through. “Figured we could get you up front now, start familiarizing you with the space and equipment.”

“R-really? So soon?” My fingers twitched, reaching for my braid before remembering it wasn’t there. Instead I settled for crossing my arms. “You think I’m ready for that?”

Answer: A big fat no.

“Well, let’s see here.” He started ticking off fingers, “You’ve watched the videos, you’ve had the grand tour, you’ve-”

“No I haven’t!” I said quickly, shaking my head.  “Had the grand tour, that is.”

“No? Well alright then.” He stepped past me and further into the room, then stopped and pivoted around to face me, spreading his arms out to either side of him.  “Here it is, in all its glory. Just breathe in that majesty.”

This cramped break-slash-storage room was it, apparently. Besides the TV and VCR in one corner, most of it was filled with giant, industrial-grade fridges for housing all the ice cream. Plus a couple of large metal sinks, plus the aforementioned boxes upon boxes of reindeer plushies. Squeezed into one corner was a humble couch that’d seen better days, along with a small table with a couple rickety-looking chairs. A giant bulletin board hanging from one wall completed the look, covered in workplace guidelines, announcements, and different colored flyers.

“Oh.” I pursed my lips to one side.  “Very, ah… very majestic.”

“Isn’t it just?” he nodded, hands on his hips as he smiled broadly. “Welp, that’s that. Now let’s get you up to the registers to continue your training.”

I hummed thoughtfully.  “Maybe I should watch the videos one more time. Just to make sure, that… uh...”

Reason… reason… dear god, please, come up with a reason, any reason!

“...that I... didn’t... miss anything?”

He laughed. “You’re thorough and detail oriented. I like that.” He planted his hands on my shoulders and steered me towards the door of doom. “Feel free to rewatch those tapes on your own time, but for now, let’s move on.”

“But-”

He gave me a gentle but firm push and I stumbled through the door and straight into my own personal hell.

Alright, fine, maybe I was being a bit over dramatic. There weren’t even any customers in line at the moment. Seemed like it was just after the lunch rush and most of the people had already eaten and cleared out. There were just a couple families left dotting the tables out there in the otherwise empty food court beyond our countertop.

Swallowing my nerves and inhaling deeply to calm myself, I glanced around my more immediate area. I was a bit curious after all, seeing as how this was my first real time on this side of the cash register. But really? There wasn’t much to it. There was a giant frozen display proudly presenting a rainbow of different flavored ice cream. Beneath it behind the counter were some small metal doors that seemed to be some more refrigerated storage space. In one corner was this fancy looking ice cream machine, with stacks on stacks of empty cups and cones beside it. There were some large menus overhead on the back wall and beneath them, a snowman crudely painted onto the door that I had just been so unceremoniously shoved through. Then of course, those plastic “ice” walls and reindeer dolls overflowing from every crook and cranny that they could conceivably be crammed into.

That about summed it up.  That, plus the burly blonde guy manning one of the registers that would be my second coworker.

He turned his head, giving me a look that admittedly wasn’t quite a scowl, but wasn’t exactly warm and inviting either.

I gulped and unconsciously took a step back, immediately bumping into something. Looking over my shoulder, that something turned out to be a someone: Lu… erm, I mean, Frozone.

Hand on my shoulder once more, he guided me forward and I took a few reluctant steps closer to the other man.  “Elsa, you remember Kristoff from earlier, right?”

I gave a weak nod and raised my hand in a tiny wave. “H-hi again.”

He only continued to fix me with a dull stare.

“Oh yeah, you two are going to be fast friends, I can already tell,” Frozone beamed. “Now Kristoff here is going to be taking over your training and showing you the ropes up here. There’s a new shipment in back that I should get to sorting out, but just give a holler if you need me.”

“Wait!” I snatched at his sleeve as he turned to leave through the back door.  My eyes darted from him to Kristoff and back before I whispered, “Do you really have to go?”

I had actually been growing comfortable around him. He seemed nice.

This Kristoff guy on the other hand seemed, erm… how should I put this… shall we say, grumpy?

Frozone chuckled, tugging himself free of my grasp and patting me on the head. “I’m flattered, girl, but I’m a taken man. Honey is the light of my life and trust me, you do not want to get on that woman’s bad side.”

“Wha-?” I blinked a couple times. “No, that’s not what I-”

Annnnnnd there he went, calling a cheerful, “Have fun, you two!” over his shoulder as he disappeared into the back.

Sighing, I turned to face Kristoff and was greeted once more by that same deadpan expression.

Oh yeah. So much fun.

Taking a cautious step towards him, I cleared my throat and rubbed my left elbow.  “So… that Frozone… really seems to take his job seriously, huh?”

“...don’t even get me started,” he said flatly.

So he speaks.

Barely.

I tried again. “What do I call you? Kristoff okay? Or just Kris? ...Kristo?” I was met with total silence. “...Oh, maybe that’s already short for something, like… Kristopher? Kristofel? Kris...toforos?” Mayday! Mayday! I was beginning to enter nervous babbling territory. Send help. “Or perhaps, oh! Do we all get theme names? Like Frozone? What would yours be? Are you the, uh… hmm, the, um… the Iceman?”

Face unchanged and dead serious, he said at last, “Oh yeah. That’s me. The Iceman. I love ice. Ice is my life. I eat, drink, and breathe nothing but ice. At night, I go to my ice house, eat my ice dinner, tuck myself into my ice bed, and cuddle with a bag of ice like it’s a teddy bear.”

“...really?”

If possible, his eyelids drooped even further.  “No.”

“Oh.”

I knew that.

He heaved a soft, grumbling huff. “Kristoff is fine. Let’s go, new girl.”

He left his station behind the cash register to walk over to the display housing the frozen tubs, slapping a hand down on top of the chilly glass. “Ice cream,” he explained dryly. He then bent down to open one of the metal doors below, pulling out what appeared to be a plastic wrapped, solid bar of sugary sweetness on a stick. “More ice cream.” He tossed it back in with the rest just like it, kicking the door shut. He then picked up a rounded, steel utensil. “Ice cream scoop. You know how to use one, right?”

“Ah,” I brightened. “Yes, of course!”

“Congratz, you’re at least as competent as a four-year-old.”

Hey now, rude.

Returning the scoop to where he’d found it, Kristoff then walked over to the giant machine in the corner. As I approached it as well, I began to appreciate just how much of a monster this thing truly was with all its buttons, switches, levers, and tubes on it. It was actually kind of intimidating. What on earth could they all even possibly do?

“Combo soft serve/milkshake machine,” Kristoff continued on in his bored monotone as he planted an elbow atop the thing, leaning against it. He pointed at a big lever on the left over one tube. “Ice cream.” Next at another big lever, this one on the right over a second tube with some sort of gizmo sticking out of it. “Milkshakes.” His index finger shifted down to three large buttons running down the bottom right corner in front, first indicating the top one. “Turns it on and off.” Then the bottom button. “Flavor swapper.”

“And this one?” My fingers drifted towards the middle button.

“No touchy,” he lightly swatted my hand away. “That one makes it angry. And trust me, you won’t like it when it’s angry.”

I tipped my head to one side. “...why would there even be a button like that?”

He shrugged, intoning airily, “No one knows.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him, then shook my head, my gaze returning to that monstrosity of a machine. “What about all those other levers and switches on the side?”

“Woah, slow down, newbie. You gotta learn to crawl before you can walk. For now, just stick to the basics.  Ice cream. Shakes. Off and on. Flavor,” he pointed to each one in turn again as he listed them off before giving me yet another dull look. “Am I going too fast for you? Maybe you should be writing this down.”

It was my turn for some eyelid droopage. “I think I got it.”

“Good. You’re ready for your first customer then. And as luck would have it,” he pointed past me, “here he comes.”

“What?!” I spun around on my heel. Some guy had just entered the food court on the opposite end from the Ice Palace, but was making a beeline straight for us.

Panic mode initiated. Hands? Clammy. Face? Blanched. Heart? Pounding. All systems a go.

“Relax, new girl.” Kristoff slapped me on the back, forcing a tiny oof out of me. “I know this dude, we all do around this place. He and his girlfriend are mallrats that’ll spend hours here, visiting all the stores and making friends with everyone. You should have no problem. Total training wheels.”

His words did nothing to ease my growing nerves and I must have been doing a terrible job of hiding it because he snorted, “You’ll be fine.  Just step up to the register.” He waved a hand towards it.

I swallowed hard, then numbly walked over to it.

“Smile,” he pointed to his own grin that he now had plastered on for show, looking remarkably strange on a man I had seen zero emotion from all day.  I forced my own smile and he flinched. “Ehh, maybe not so much.” I toned it down a bit. “Better. Now just say, ‘Welcome to Ice Palace, how may I take your order?’ and the rest should be a no brainer.”

Easy for you to say, buddy.

Taking a small shaky breath, I looked away from him and towards the customer once more just as he closed in on the counter. He had bright blue eyes, brown spiky hair, and a huge grin that just about literally split his face in two.

Okay, Elsa, you can do this.

“Welcome to Ice Palace, how…”

Oh fudge, I’d already forgotten the line! My mind was drawing a complete blank. The blankest of blanks.

“...uh…”

Panic, panic, panic!

“...how… you… order?”

Hi, yes, one stammering idiot at your service.

I heard the smack of Kristoff’s facepalm before he whispered under his breath, “Eh, close enough.”

Seemingly unfazed by my mental malfunction, the guy just continued to flash those pearly whites. “Hey there, could I get two bars of the Paopu Paradise ice cream please?”

“Ah… y-yes, right away!” I darted over to the frozen display case, picking up one of the scoops and reaching for the sliding glass door in back. However, I froze when I heard a throat clearing and turned to see Kristoff jerking a thumb towards the freezer space below.

...oh right, bars. He’d said he’d wanted bars of ice cream.  Fumbling to put the scoop back, I bent down to open the cold door, located the stack labeled “Paopu Paradise” and snatched two off the top before straightening back up and thrusting them proudly over the counter into the customer’s face.

Another throat clear.

I glanced at Kristoff again, who mouthed the word ‘munny’ at me.

...minor detail.

“Er, yes… that’ll be, uh…” I stared down at one of the plastic-sheathed ice creams, spinning it around by the stick, as if looking for the price tag.

Kristoff groaned before tiredly commanding, “Cash register.” I hastily moved to stand in front of it once more.  He pointed to one of the keys. “Push that one.” Done. “Now that one and that one.” Done and done. A munny total appeared on the register’s little black screen and he gestured for me to go on. I read off the amount and the customer, still sunny faced as ever, handed me the munny. To my credit, I only flinched slightly when the cash drawer noisily popped open, allowing the munny to be deposited.

After slamming it back shut, I looked to Kristoff again, worrying my bottom lip between my teeth.  “Now?”

He closed his eyes and gave me a solemn nod.

Feeling my muscles relax slightly, I turned back to the customer, offering him his two ice creams once again.

“Thanks!” he chirped, taking them both in one hand and ripping the plastic off one before immediately chomping down hard into the frozen treat, making me wince.

Jeez, this guy must have had the teeth of a viking!

After swallowing the bite, he licked his lips and eyed me curiously. “You’re new, right?”

“Gee, how did you ever guess?” Kristoff deadpanned. I merely turned my head to narrow my eyes up at him.

Ignoring the comment from the peanut gallery, the guy offered his free hand to me. “You’ll probably be seeing me around a lot, so figure I should introduce myself. I’m Sora! Nice to meetcha!”

I hesitated before taking his hand gingerly and shaking it.  “...Elsa. A pleasure.”

He froze mid-lick of his ice cream bar, blinking at me.  “Elsa?” Lowering his snack a little now, he cocked his head. “Hey, you just moved in with Riku and Ray, didn’t you?”

My head rocked back at that.  “How did you-?”

“Stalker,” Kristoff stretched the word out in a low singsong.

Sora’s eyes widened. “Wha? No, no, I know Riku! He’s my cousin and my best bud! He’d mentioned renting out their spare room to an old gal pal of Ray’s and that you were going through a bit of a rough patch, that’s all!” That blinding grin was slowly returning. “Hey, if there’s any way I can help out too, just let me know!”

“Oh.” My brow furrowed. “Uh… thanks…”

...you complete and total stranger.

“Don’t mention it! We’re friends now!”

Ah. My mistake. We were friends.

Apparently.

“Anyway, gotta run,” he waggled the second unopened bar slightly, “Kairi’s waiting for me and she’ll murder me if I let this melt! See ya around!” He waved good-bye to us over his shoulder as he walked off, happily slurping away at his own ice cream. I found myself absently returning the wave, one corner of my lips twitching up.

That guy? Bit of an oddball. But he seemed sweet.

“Not bad, newbie,” I heard Kristoff say as he poked the bill of my Ice Palace cap down, making it cover my eyes.

“Really?” I asked, righting my hat and looking up at him. Surprise of surprises, he was actually smiling.

...okay, it wasn’t so much a smile as it was a faint tightening of the mouth. But hey, I’ll take it.

“Not great, either,” he shrugged. “Not even remotely. But it’s a start. You’ll get better at it as you go. Now let’s cover-”

“Yo, Kristoff!”

Recognizing Frozone’s voice, we turned to see him poking a head out the door to the back.  “Could you give me a quick hand with moving a particularly heavy box?”

“Sure thing, be there in just a sec,” Kristoff called. Frozone (gah, it will never not be weird calling him that) nodded before disappearing once more.

My insides shriveled somewhat.  “You’re leaving me by myself up here?”

He gave my arm a light, reassuring pat. “I’ll be real quick, promise. It’s dead right now, so you probably won’t even have to deal with a single customer before I get back. If you do, don’t worry, you’re a natural. Just take their order, easy-peasy. And if you need help, tell the customer to wait a moment and come get me.”

I once again was reaching for my braid. It once again was not there. “What if they don’t want to wait a moment?”

“Just tell ‘em we’re out of whatever flavor they want and say ‘Let me see if we have any more in the back.’ Got it?”

“I guess so…”

“Good! Be back before you know it.” He jogged off and out the door, but a second later, he was leaning back through it again. “Remember, you say…” he twirled a finger sideways, prompting me.

“...let me see if we have any more in the back?” I ventured in a tiny voice.

He gave me a thumbs up. “Perfect.” Then he was gone again.

I moved to stand at the counter once more, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “Let me see if we have any more in the back,” I repeated, muttering it softly to myself as I eyed the food court warily.

He was right though, it was basically a ghost town out there. Everyone had already eaten for lunch and had all probably packed themselves back into the various stores by now. Plus it was a weekday. Thank goodness my first day hadn’t been on the weekend, I most certainly was not ready for the stampede of shoppers that would have come with that! As it was right now, there were only a few folks out there milling around for an afternoon snack and luckily none of them seemed to be craving ice cream. So I could maybe relax… at least for the moment.

Today… actually wasn’t going too bad so far. The job itself didn’t seem all that terrible. I was getting along with my coworkers, even that Kristoff fellow. He’d acted all tough at first, but seemed actually somewhat friendly underneath that cool exterior. I’d even helped my first customer! And with minimal mistakes, no less!

Maybe… maybe I could actually do this!

Okay sure, was I still a bit of a tangled ball of anxiety inside? Yes. Would I continue to be with each new customer? Oh, without a doubt. But with time, maybe, hopefully, it would lessen? At least somewhat?

A girl could dream anyway.

Regardless, I was doing it. The whole independence thing. Taking control of my life. I still had a long way to go, but this little ice cream job was the first small step. If I could do this, then maybe, just maybe there wasn’t much I couldn’t do. It wouldn’t be easy, and there was still a lot more for me to figure out. Like, a lot more. But I could and would. I just needed to believe in myself.

Feeling just a bit more on the chipper side now - an emotion that I hadn’t truly felt in a long time - I glanced around the food court again, really taking it all in this time, especially the other brightly colored restaurants that formed our neighbors.

There was The Big Olive, which served greek food. Currently a woman with heavy lavender eyeshadow and thick brown hair tied back into a long ponytail with curly fringe stood behind the register, idly flipping through a magazine. Then there was a chinese place called Mushu’s Kingdom with a cute little red dragon at the tail end of the logo. Next, there was Beast Burgers. I’d thought Kristoff cranky, but the big, hairy guy working there at the moment made Kristoff look like a cuddly puppy. Right beside that was a Cajun/Creole-style restaurant called Frog Legs, followed by a place called Sugar Rush, which looked like it served mostly pastries and any other sweet that wasn’t ice cream. Judging by the several large signs they had up, they seemed particularly proud of their cinnamon buns, which looked to be more frosting than bread.

Then there was a Lucky Cat Café, which was basically a coffee empire that had a shop located practically on every last street corner in the universe. I recalled that’s where Riku had purchased my mocha from the day I had officially moved in with Rayne and him. He’d probably bought it from this exact one that I was looking at right now. The mall was only a couple short blocks away from our apartment after all, which made it extra convenient that I’d managed to get the job here.

At that moment, I could see a woman with shoulder-length blue hair working the register while her coworker, a younger guy with short, messy blonde hair, blended a frothy drink nearby. They both were wearing green visors with felt feline ears sticking out the top. The blonde gave the grey cat with stripes perched atop their muffin display counter a quick pat on the head as he passed it by to reach the awaiting customer. It was only when I saw the creature’s tail twitch that I realized that was an actual living, breathing cat. Huh. A pet? Kept in the food court? How odd. It must have been very well trained. Probably just napped in that single spot all day, every day.

Last but not least, directly across the way from the Ice Palace was a Pizza Planet, its green logo sporting a giant, round pizza pie with a Saturn-like ring wrapped around it.  It tied neck-and-neck with our ice cream parlour for most over the top decorations. The interior was designed to look like the inside of a UFO and was littered with toy rocket ships and little green alien squeeze-dolls everywhere. Stationed at the cash register was a girl with short raven hair, clapping and cheering her coworker on.

Said coworker was a tall, lanky guy who, like his fellow employee, was decked out in a dark grey polo with red trimmed sleeves and collar, accompanied by a pair of black fingerless gloves and khakis underneath his black, snuggly-tied full-body apron. His long, wild crimson hair trailed down past the nape of his neck and spilled out in spikes over his open-topped red visor. He was grinning cockily as he spun not one, but two massive discs of pizza dough, one on each index finger.

He tossed one up high into the air before catching it and starting it spinning on his fingertip again. Then he was using some sort of wizardry to send the dough half rolling, half flying across his shoulders as he swapped the other disc to his left hand, freeing up his right to catch the first saucer of dough just in time and keep it whirling, much to his coworker’s delight.

It was as he was giving one of the circular slabs of dough another toss up that he seemed to realize he’d gained a second audience member. His eyes shifted to meet mine and then widened as his whole body locked up.  The disc still balanced on his finger spun off and toppled to the ground.

As for its airborne twin?

Splat!

Right on top of his head, covering his whole face.

A very unladylike snort escaped me, followed by a burst of long and uncontrollable laughter that I tried to smother behind my fingers. I was still laughing when he lifted the dough enough to peek one eye at me, expression unreadable as he slowly raised his other hand in a small twitch of a wave.

My giggling, along with my heart, abruptly stopped as I gasped, paled, squeaked and ducked down behind the counter.

...I’d laughed at him.

Oh my god, I can’t believe I’d laughed at him!

Heart thudding in my ears now, I stayed in a low crouch in my hiding spot, trembling hands gripping the edge of the countertop above me as my tongue dried to literal sandpaper.

Had he heard me laughing? Had he seen me laughing? What am I saying, of course he saw! That’s why he’d waved!

Oh dear lord, what did the wave mean? Was it an angry wave? An ‘I see you laughing at me, jerkface’ wave? A ‘How dare you mock me thusly’ wave? A ‘You have besmirched my honor, villain, now we must duel to the death’ wave? No, no, no, I didn’t know how to duel! What kind of duel would it even be? Pistols at dawn? I knew nothing about using a frigging pistol! Or any gun for that matter! I was dead! I was toast! I was-

Wait! No! Stop! Get a hold of yourself, woman! Gah, calm down and stop letting your imagination run wild with completely ridiculous notions!

I screwed my eyes shut, breathing in deep through my nose and holding it as I counted to ten before releasing.

It had probably just been a normal wave. A ‘Hello there, yes, I’m a dork who drops pizza dough on my head’ wave. He probably wasn’t mad, nor did he want to seek vengeance in blood. He was probably now just standing there, confused by the crazy weirdo who’d dived for cover behind her counter like she was in a war zone under enemy fire.

Alright. Time to pull myself back up. This was salvageable. Just stand and… I don’t know… wave back? Yeah, that sounded like a plan. Okay, you got this.

My legs tensed as I prepared to stand once more. In three… two…

What’d I’d failed to consider, as I’d be learning in two frightfully short seconds, was that there was another possibility. Another string of events that could have and, in fact, were set in motion the moment I’d dropped into hiding. That instead of just staying behind his own counter, the redhead had gotten curious about my odd reaction and had decided to take it upon himself to investigate. Therefore, he’d announced to his coworker that he was taking his ten, allowing him to leave his little pizzeria and cross the food court on a course heading straight for the ice cream shop directly across the way.

I have to wonder… and I mean really, really wonder… what were the odds?

The odds that he’d stop in front of the counter right across from where I was concealed.

The odds that he’d be leaning over it to look down at me exactly as I was springing back up to stand.

The odds that his lips were positioned just perfectly for my own to come crashing into his as I looked up.

 That’s right.

I’d frigging kissed him.

...Hey, universe? It’s me, Elsa. If you’re listening, now would be a really great time for me to spontaneously develop the ability to rewind time by, say, I don’t know… thirty seconds so I can make completely different life choices.

...No? Not happening?

Well fudge.

Author's note: BEHOLD! There, at long last, having traded his spinning chakrams in for spinning pizzas, is our favorite Fire Boy! Or rather… there his lips are anyway… hehehe… xD Trust me, the fun is only beginning, you're in for one rollercoaster of a ride with this story!

So here we finally get the main setting for a majority of this story - what is basically the universe of KH transformed into a mall xP So many stupid little references will abound in the chapters to come, I'm sure you'll get sick of it! And I know Frozone/Incredibles isn't in KH, but that is a travesty which I had to correct by including him in this fic! I mean, c'mon, he's perfect for working at an ice cream shop alongside Elsa! As for Kristoff, I know he's normally a big ol' softie, but don't forget he had his whole tough guy routine when he first met Anna at the beginning of the movie! And as you can see, he's already starting to warm up to Elsa. And all the food court restaurants and faces (yes, even the cat) this chapter were KH/Disney references, some might be more obvious than others tho… but if any were too vague, Elsa will get to meet a lot of them in the chapters ahead so that should clear 'em all up! Oh, and ice cream flavor names! I'm not gonna miss an opportunity to steal all those ice creams from BBS, but come on, this was Sora, so OF COURSE I had to make up something that was Paopu flavored for him! I imagine the description of the Paopu Paradise flavor on the menu is something like: "Made with real Paopu fruit straight from Destiny Islands with little star sprinkles swirled in! Legend has it if two people share this ice cream, their destinies become intertwined."

In any case, on to the more pressing question… how will our lil ball of nerves Ice Queen handle this mortifying "greeting" with her new redheaded friend that she has yet to even learn the name of? Hope you stay tuned to find out in the next chapter! Thank you so much for reading!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

[royaltealovingkookiness]

I’ve been rewatching the end of ATLA, and it’s infuriating how rushed the last 10 minutes feel. There are just so many missed opportunities. I mean we get these awesome / perfect fight sequences with a lot of attention to detail, and then as if they ran out of patience, the rest of the writing hardly makes any sense. (There is salt under the cut, be warned...)

1. The Mai/Zuko scene

Now regardless what you think about the ship - their conversation just doesn’t make sense.

Zuko: Mai! You're ok. They let you out of prison?

Mai: My uncle pulled some strings, and it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend.

Like, I’m sorry, but wasn’t Zuko in charge for the last however-many hours? Didn’t he let all the war prisoners out? (I mean they are all standing around at the square -  the Mechanist, the Boulder, the Kyoshi-warriors-who-are-not-Suki, Ty Lee - they are all there). So did Mai’s uncle pull some strings for all of them? With whom exactly did he pull those strings? And if Zuko let the others out, why wouldn’t he be able to get Mai out too? Or he forgot about her, but she’s his girlfriend? Either write a proper romance, or preferably don’t write a romance, but certainly don’t write this word-salad... My brain just scrambles... Why are we wasting time with this nonsense when these are the last precious minutes of the show?

2. The pre-Coronation crowd

So like I said - everyone (the Boulder, the  swamp benders, the Kyoshi warriors, Bato, Hakoda + his crew) is there. You know who is decidedly not there? Iroh. I mean I get the visual they were aiming for in the teashop (and I can massage the reasons why he’s not there), but still, having Zuko’s moment of triumph without the person who helped him the most to get there is just a bit sad.

I mean look at all these dudes who are at the coronation. Do I care? No. The person he’s closest to in the world is not there.

Also, no lines for Toph (who was done particularly dirty in the finale) and Katara (apart from “Dad!”) - boo! boo! - but we get a whole lot of Ty Lee? Ok?

3. The Coronation speech

The Aang-Zuko hug is perfect and I love it. Also, the little visual where Zuko motions Aang to follow him with the exact same movement he used as the Blue Spirit when he first freed him. Those were really well done, and give a nice framing of their journey together.

For me though the part where Zuko says “Please, the real hero is the Avatar.” is just...I don’t know... too on the nose? Because sure, the entire series is called Avatar: the Last Airbender, so we know. Aang’s the Avatar. He’s great. I mean it. I love the kid. Also, rain is wet, grass is green, “Awesome hero” is on his birth certificate.

But I always thought that what the real message of the show was something like, the Avatar is a great hero, the chosen one, with super powers and a destiny he’s born with AND You know who else is a great hero?

These two kids from some Spirit-forsaken, frozen corner of the world who go with him and help him, stand up for him, save him again and again with initially pathetic waterbending and nothing more than a boomerang and some wits, who accept him to their family and who become awesome and fearless warriors by the end, learning to be the hope and change they want in the world, playing a decisive role in the final battle... Plus there is the girl with fans who dedicated herself to defending her home, but realized her responsibility is also to the world, and steps up and goes out of her island to the big scary world, helps refugees, gets beaten down and imprisoned, and it just makes her more determined to train harder, and become better and do the right thing even if all she has is her fighting spirit...  And have we talked about the little blind girl who is the greatest Earthbender (who is forgotten by the last 10 minutes that she’s a freaking main character) who thought she never needed anybody, but once she had friends she’d walk through fire for them or fly through the air or really do anything?.... Oh, yeah, and let’s not forget the angry jerk with a pony-tail from Book 1, who had to let go of everything he ever held dear, unlearn everything he’d ever been taught about honor and loyalty, had to leave behind and turn against his family and his country to save it, and who had to get up after failing too many times to count and try again to do the right thing - and against all odds, he does.

They are all real heroes of this story (or are you telling me they were the fake heroes?), and their friendship is what saves the world, because no one gets there alone, not even the Avatar, but together they are more than the sum of their parts. To me, the real hero is the Gaang. This ragtag team of children of the war, who succeed in building bridges among themselves, to overcome a century’s worth of violence and hatred and build a family that transcends the war. They find balance. And somehow that should have been acknowledged here.

See? It’s not particularly difficult.

(Also, Zuko’s real speech is also just lame. He has two kinds of speech - horribly awkward (aka “Zuko, here”) or on the point kickass (aka his confrontation with Ozai) - the one at the end was neither here nor there).

4. Ships

There has been many, many metas written about how the ships were rushed together in the end and how it made no sense at all how Maiko and KatAang was written in these last few minutes (while notice, the only decently developed ship - Sukka - was not even given much of a romantic context, it didn’t need any) so I’m not going to repeat the arguments. I will only say this: there should have been no romantic pairings in the finale, and that’s the hill I’ll die on. You can’t make “shockers” and “twists” out of romance, that’s just horrible writing, you have to put the work into developing them.

(Plus if they didn’t push the ships together so hastily, they could have kept the teashop scene [which was close to perfection] just the Gaang + Iroh, without having to add suddenly Mai to the group - I mean I like Mai, I really do, but if her, why not Ty Lee? - but also that scene simply should have been just the Gaang. Punto.)

And sadly, we don’t have a single frame with just the Gaang all together, which makes this the last time they are all together in a single frame:

That’s right. The last time we have the Gaang all together in one frame is when Aang is walking away from them in a huff.

I mean, I guess this is the attempt to have that:

But yeah, Mai is there, Iroh is there, we can’t see anyone’s faces, other than Aang’s and oh yeah, look, he’s walking away.

I mean the Gaang deserved better. The rushed ships took the focus away from the Gaang, when they should have been front and center

Sorry. Rant over. I feel better.

tl;dr: While the visuals of the last 10 minutes of the final episode are mostly good, the writing is just incredibly lazy, with so many missed opportunities and not enough focus on the real hero, the Gaang.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

💘choose five of your own favourite edits and do a short commentary on each, write what you absolutely loved about it as well as what you’d do now in order to improve and other comments!💘 tag ten mutuals of yours to provide an opportunity to amazing content creators such as yourself to appreciate their edits and spread love!!

Tagged by @sulietsexual, thank you, my lovely ❤️

Generally, I consider myself as a very modest person, but it was so difficult to narrow this down to five choices. I think it’s because of the time, effort and dedication that goes into making edits and the personal meaning they can hold, it’s like choosing your five favourite photographs from your life. I selected ones based on personal attachment instead of the ones I’m proud of because they’re pretty (not that there’s many of those haha). Anyways here they are in no particular order:

1. ‘Maybe love is like rain’ (Game of Thrones)

I love this little poem because I think it’s a lovely description of what love is and can be, and the metaphor of rain encapsulates it really well. The original place where I saw this poem used is still to this day one of my favourite edits and it was the inspiration for my edit. This is one of those edits that I actually took time to plan out. I carefully selected the characters/relationships I wanted to use for each line and tried to select scenes that I felt best reflected the lines associated with them. Because GOT has so many characters and relationships, it was a huge challenge to try and represent as many of the characters and relationships from the show as possible. It was also hard to be fair and to not let any of my shipper biases get in the way, but I was so pleased with the end result. Hopefully when people see that edit they can understand why I chose each scenes to go with the line they are with.

2. Prue Halliwell character profile (Charmed)

Prue Halliwell owns my heart, anyone and everyone that follows me or has ever looked on my blog for a second will know that. I planned out this gifset about a year ago and spent time over the months taking personality tests (as Prue ofc) and reading various trivia about Prue and personality types to create this gifset. Once I’d chosen the details I wanted to include, I picked out the key words I wanted to use and then the scenes that I felt best fit with each type. I agonised for so long over scene choice and for anybody else that sees it they might not necessarily see that, but each scene was carefully selected. So I guess you could say this gifset is double-y special for me because it’s dedicated to my favourite character but I also put my heart into planning and making this edit. And unlike a lot of the other gifsets I plan out, I was satisfied with the end result. 

3. Gemma and Tara parallels (Sons of Anarchy)

You may see a pattern emerging here, but this is one of my favourite edits I’ve made because of the time and effort that went into planning it. On one of my many SOA rewatches during a scene in season 6 where Tara says “You’ve been my teacher, Gemma, my old lady coach” I was struck with inspiration to make this. I find it so ironic that Tara started out the series loathing Gemma and everything she stands for, yet as the seasons progressed, Tara began to morph into Gemma. The problem I had was actually finding direct scenes that paralleled one another to reflect these similarities they had. It took me a long while to fish out these scenes and I was really happy with the end result because I feel like it accomplished exactly what I wanted to achive by showing those similarities Gemma and Tara shared, and how Tara’s evolution in some ways mirrored Gemma’s, despite them being on different trajectories. 

4. Game of Thrones autumn

Honestly, I’m just so damn proud of the colouring on this gifset. Not to toot my own horn, but I think it’s really pretty and considering I was still so new to colouring my own gifs I’m so impressed with the outcome. Looking back at it now, I’d probably make the colours a bit more consistent if I made it again, but in a way I think the fact that it’s different shades/tones of red, yellow and orange makes it look more authentic and autumn-y. 

5. Daenerys Nikita Gill phoenix poem (Game of Thrones)

This edit has the most notes I’ve ever got on anything ever, but that’s not the reason it’s one of my favourites. I like this edit because, once again, I put a lot of thought and effort into planning and making it. The second I saw the poem Daenerys came to my mind and I knew I needed to make an edit, so I do what I always do when I’m struck by inspiration (I’d be curious to know if anyone else does this btw?) and wrote out the poem in the notes on my phone, then I split it up into different lines for each gif and started to brainstorm scenes that would fit with each line. For other editors, you’ll all know that sometimes when you make edits using poems, quotes or lyrics it can be impossible to find a scene that specifically fits with a certain line, so you just kinda have to pick any random one. But I feel like this is one of my edits where every single scene fits with the line and I love that with just 7 gifs I was able to tell a story and encapsulate Dany’s character and arc. 

I’m tagging @rebeccabunchs @lea-dilallo-rights  It’s late and I’m tired so I can’t think who else to tag, but honestly, all content creators should do this - it’s fun and it’s good to reflect on and appreciate all of the hard work, effort, creativity and skill that goes into making them (particularly since it’s something that seems to be less appreciated by others in recent times)

[shoushatohaisha]

review: hajimari no kyojin (osaka 6/1)

so. hello. i usually write up my butai thoughts as, um, 100+ tweet threads in the immediate wake of whatever i just saw, but this time around i thought i'd work them out into a proper report, of a sort. if you, too, have seen this show already and want to talk about it... please. any time. always.

about reviewing: this is my very favorite 2.5D franchise, ever. but this is also a review, not a cheerleading exercise, so not every single thing i have to say is unrelentingly positive. having said that, i respect kinoshita, wada, suga-zachou, and the staff at large more than just about any creative team in this corner of japanese theater fandom so like. i'm not here to drag, lol.

about spoilers: i talk about the plot elements covered but try to avoid spoiling any of the fun production surprises. :) happy to do a more spoilery play-by-play later if folks are curious.

about length: i just checked and it's 2400 words im so sorry.

without further ado...

first of all, i admit that based on the preview clips i doubted, and i was swiftly taken to task for doubting. IM SORRY WORRY-SAN i trust u implicitly and i should have known better. after the major changes in shinka no natsu, i was concerned that bringing back the revolving stage and the original opening theme would feel stale/regressive. it did not. while they did bring back the revolving element they also extended the stage backward and added a second level behind a full stage height projection screen – the second level was used to do some neat staging for flashbacks/parallels and the screen was used to, how shall we say this, up their projection game in a major way, which i frankly did not think was possible. i will not spoil the details but it was pretty great, on a purely technical level.

i also realized that a lot of the repetition – opening with the bike scene, bringing back the original opening credits music, the staging, etc – is the "look back" over the last couple years that i'd expected to come this fall. they are very obviously already preparing for the end – you could think of this as part one of their last show, with the fall as part two. the show opens with a restaging of sixth grader hinata seeing the little giant on tv for the first time – then the current karasuno team take the place of the tv and hinata joins them for a team jog. "karasuno, fight!" "oh!" "fight!" "oh!" only then each character calls out their signature line from the show so far. "uchi no renchuu wa chanto tsuyoi" / "mou tobenai karasu nante yobasenai" / "murabito b mo tatakaemasu!"

and haha. let me tell you. BOY, DID I FEEL THINGS. a lot of things. i think yachi got me the worst but they were all real bad. (i have so many feelings about yachi's story and what a beautiful job saitou ami did with her character on stage. god. ;_;)

the theme of this play was the role of captain – what makes a good captain, what a captain does for the team, and how to step into those shoes when the captain is gone. the johzenji match is fun, but here, in a sense, it exists more or less to set up the wakutani match – (re)establishing daichi's importance so that his absence feels like the gut punch it is. and fully settling the weight of that responsibility on ennoshita's shoulders, as both daichi's substitute on the court and the captain-in-waiting.

with that in mind, the rival schools: imo it wasn't strictly necessary to cast full teams for each school – each match got its own dedicated act, and unlike, for example, nekoma/datekou in karasuno fukkatsu (which had a similar story structure), there aren't really any individual characters on these rival schools who have a role as such other than terushima and takeru. (you know, the captains. see above. XD) so in theory one could get this done with, like, one actor for each captain and then an ensemble cast playing the rest of the team across both matches. HOWEVER, having all those bodies allows them to do super cool stuff visually, and why force yourself to create the illusion of a full team if you don't have to? i.e., /i/ sure am not complaining, isn't it nice to have $$$ to achieve the max vision of your choreographer. XD

i also have no doubt that the kids playing these other characters are doing whatever they can to create a character within the ensemble, and i suspect there's plenty for repeat viewers to pick up on, esp during say the johzenji match (see below). however for the first time viewer following the main flow of the story it's more or less a very large ensemble cast.

the johzenji chaos was well expressed, haha, there was so damn much going on all the time that i hardly knew where to look. (i've also seen opinions on j-twitter that that diluted the impact and i can see that too – it worked for me as a "funny" match that didn't cross the line into comic relief, but ymmv.) i thought the final scene with misaki would pack more of a punch, but i fully expect them to cry at daisenshuuraku so that might fill in the last 10% that's missing rn.

wakutani are another Good Dance Team. one did get a sense, stylistically, of fukurodani- and nekoma-lite with johzenji and wakunan, respectively – i assume that was intentional. mirroring the cats vs owls match, as it were. yanagihara rin's takeru was like… scary?? i had to rewatch those episodes this weekend to see if i'd just forgotten something, but no, stage takeru is not so much reliable middle brother as scowly quiet tough guy. he looked like a kyoutani tbh, and looking at the kid actually cast for kyoutani, one wonders if someone in casting mixed up some paperwork or something. having said that, yanagihara was great at being the character he was, i enjoyed what he did on stage. i'm just not sure that character was takeru. XD (edit: ok having just rewatched, i have to revise this somewhat, i think a big part of my impression was due to being too far back to properly see his expressions the first time around -- up close he was much smilier, and bc i was thinking about it i noticed some nice details like him going over for a family hug afterward.) otoh big post-match scene – all of wakutani, actually – was really good. v effective, i heard sniffles around me.

during this match, johzenji reappeared dressed as takeru's family: FUCKING HILARIOUS omg, everyone involved has clearly learned how to do this right wrt blocking, the very fine line between comic relief and intrusion, etc, after the, er, shaky shousha to haisha experiment of kuroken doubling as oikawa's fangirls. seichou shita na, errone.

also, some great wire work for hinata and takeru – you could tell kenta is really comfortable up there these days. the first time the wires came into play one of the women behind me went "UWO!" which, when a japanese theatergoer makes a noise out loud, that's a true sign something's impressive. XD

nekoma vs fukurodani: Yeah, That Happened. it is a testament to how well done karasuno vs wakunan was that i didn't just spend the entire time screeching BRING BACK CATS VS OWLS because fjkdajfkdlsfjd KYAA. another good staging moment – they used mirrors to create the effect of two full teams playing at a crowded gymnasium, it was brill. i won't spoil some of the fun details but vvjakdlfjdf. and tbh i think the best performance of the four was probably shouri's?? not that this is news but istg idk how someone so soft offstage does THAT on stage. is it this "acting" thing you speak of.

new bokuaka: i mean it was clear some of this material was meant for yoshimoto kouki and i did kinda miss him – i appreciate higashi-san's pinch hitting and he did a solid job. but. ah well. HAVING SAID THAT. fucking "michi wo tsukurimasu yo" i mean we should all be grateful it wasn't kouki and yuuki or it would have just been a fucking fanfic on stage. it was still bad and i don't even go here. XD

and last but not least, arita ushiwaka kenji: not exactly the world's most natural line delivery but that's fine because, i mean, he's ushiwaka. and his physical presence was perfect. which was about all he was called on to do in this particular show, ahaha.

now, for karasuno. and specifically, for my son, kawahara kazuma. remember what i said approximately a thousand words ago, about captains and captains in waiting and stepping up to the plate? (or onto the court, as it were.) ennoshita's story was the heart of the wakutani match and kazuma carried the second act. he was. so. good. he had good material to work with, of course, but he made it even better. i was saying to a friend that in retrospect i think this is one of the very very few parts of the series that actually played better and more emotionally affecting on stage than in the source material (as opposed to differently good/differently affecting). in the manga/anime, you can only see what the paneling or the frame shows you, and those initial paneling/framing choices are focused on the drama of CAPTAIN DOWN. but on the stage, daichi goes down… and off to the side you see ennoshita freeze. and from that moment on, for kazuma, it's go time. he doesn't let up until the end of post-match scene in (here) the locker room – which, jesus, that scene. it packs ten times the punch it does in the anime. because of kazuma.

sorry if i sound like a crazy person here ahaha. but like. like, imagine you have been acting since childhood, you've studied dance with famous choreographers and innovators, you had a main role in The Franchise That Changed 2.5D as a teenager, you've done a solo album, you have a serious history in performing arts... and you get cast in what was initially the smallest role of the entire karasuno team. and you take it! and pull your weight! kazuma was a team player for three years and he deserved this chance to let his actual skills shine so much. ;_; because i don't necessarily think he would have been better in any of the other roles than his actual teammates – but i do think he is a much better actor than several of his actual teammates. and he finally got the opportunity to show that.

anyway, when it came time for curtain calls, the applause swelled noticeably for kazuma – a louder ovation than anyone except kagechan and kenta. and one of those people clapping her hands off, say in row 20, just a random row choice, was definitely tearing up at the same time.

IN OTHER KARASANEWS. kt-san. LIVE IN PERSON KT-SAN BACK IN THE ROLE HE WAS MEANT FOR cries into my hands i love him daichi-saaaaaaaaaan. very occasionally his delivery reminded me he's a model not an actor, if you know what i mean, but like, for the vast part it didn't matter because he is naturally such a perfect fit. have i mentioned i love him.

new suga: mmmmm. he looked and moved fine but his line delivery did not convince me. tbf it's not like suga has a huge role to play in these matches so 1) it's not a huge deal 2) he didn't get much chance to get into the character. either he'll get better or he won't, and if he doesn't it's not going to sink the next play or anything. he seems like a nice enough kid, i wish him well!

kageyama tatsuya: still can't yell and enunciate at the same time. loved that they brought back the archer analogy from shinka no natsu though!! it was one of my favorite things about his kageyama, and it's nice that it's something he "owns" instead of imitating/inheriting from tatsunari.

tsukishima & yamaguchi: miura kairi continues to get even better, i'm so pleased. <3 also, i love love love that they still use the musical motif from shousha to haisha for yamaguchi's jump float serve. it was the same in shinka no natsu, it's the same here. THE TSUKKIYAMA WAS REAL CUTE, great detail work before and after the serve as well as after tsukki's block(s). as for tsukishima, much as they brought back kageyama's archer imagery, they brought back tsukki's fancy katana kill block. (they didn't waste kondou shouri, either, i'll leave it at that.)

last but not least, MY ACTUAL SON AND FEELINGS TWIN, SUGA KENTA: ok like. to set the scene here. i have mad respect for this kid and also love him to death as a human. i think he puts more thought into this production than anyone else in the cast – he is practically worry-san's AD. and he clearly has a lot of real deep thoughts and feelings about the source material. so deep in fact that it took a while for me to come around to his hinata because while, for example, tatsunari's kageyama could have walked straight off my television screen, kenta went down to the manga and built hinata up from there. he didn't have a choice – he's nothing like murase ayumu's voice. all too often we, and i include myself here, think of the two dimensions in 2.5D as anime, rather than manga... but just as there's a big gap between the two dimensions of animation and the three dimensions of live theater, there's as big a gap again between static black-and-white drawing, and movement and color and sound. and when i looked at kenta's hinata as something created solely from furudate's art style, it all slotted into place for me. (naturally, ymmv.)

it also took kenta longer than some of the others, i think, to portray all of what he wanted to. shoen hinata was pretty yelly, and pretty single-register yelly. hinata is a yelly character, of course, but the balance between that hinata and Serious Match Hinata was out of whack at first. this got better and better with every show. and then—

his encounter with ushiwaka here. was IT. it was what i was looking for all this time. his delivery of hinata's big line there was like – i think maybe i clapped my hands over my mouth, unclear, bc it was like the final missing piece and i was so happy. kentaaaaa. ;____;

part of me wonders if this is what kenta's always had in his head but maybe couldn't get his face/voice to express the way he wanted it? OR, IT'S KENTA, SO MAYBE IT WAS ON PURPOSE and his previous Serious Hinata was meant to be like, just a feral hunger child whereas this is the kid who experienced the heartbreak of losing to seijou. i would love to ask him tbh. XD

anyway, my son, after five plays continues to grow in his portrayal of this character. kenta is the heart of gekidan haikyuu in so many ways, and i will be at their graduation show if it kills me.

(breathes out) i think that's. everything. a best setter award to anyone who read this far, and feel free to ask if there's anything specific you want to know about? i will be seeing it again this weekend for daisenshuuraku and will be sure to report back on who cried, etc. all hail volleyball stage the end. 🏐

[some-flyleaves]

Impromptu media thoughts of the day, two for the price of one: graphic novels by Alan Moore, Watchmen and V for Vendetta. Major spoilers ahead, if people need spoiler alerts for graphic novels from the 80s.

People have written really deep and long essays about both, but here’s my discombobulated twenty cents (in bullet point format because I fucking love bullet point infodumping):

Read Watchmen first, for a variety of reasons included but not limited to:

First heard about it ages ago as if not an influence then for major parallels to The Incredibles, which is one of my favorite movies. I think I was aware of Watchmen's presence at my local library for a good while, but flipping open to a random page and seeing a technicolor old-style comic kinda lost me right off the bat. (I’m still not super partial to the art style in either graphic novel, actually, but they’ve grown on me.)

More recently I watched the 2000 X-Men movie, and not gonna lie, it was actually pretty good. Not stellar enough to warrant a post-movie thoughtdump like this, and granted I don’t go into superhero films with high expectations on the rare occasions I watch at all, but y’know. If I remember correctly this was also an influence on The Incredibles and it sure as hell shows. Also, Rogue deserved better.

You’d think that this means I picked up Watchmen because of an Incredibles kick, right? (Saw that too recently, was good but not as much as the original & with post-movie hype having died down it miiight not stand up to rewatch, I’ll see.) That... might’ve been a factor, sure.

Mostly I just noticed it in the recent return pile along with a note on the back about it being a MUST-READ for graphic novel fans, and since I’m interested in the comic medium and all, why not. Also, work was slow. Funny how stuff works out.

ANYWAY point is I read that one comic with the bloody smiley face on the cover, and you know what? It took about two days and three reading sessions (short one at work, shorter one at home, then a long dedicated few hours within the week) and I was fucking wrecked. You know, the “just read a damn good book/watched a damn good movie/consumed some good fucking media, what do you mean I gotta continue with life as normal” buzz? That, but with a graphic novel.

I’ve mentioned before that I have a weird habit of spoiling myself before I even get into something, whether it means reading the Wikipedia plot summary or reading a sentence in the middle of a book, even skipping to the end of a book and skimming the last paragraph if the middle sentence hooked me. For Watchmen this translated to knowing right off the bat that some big weird scifi thing was involved, and there was a Moment between two characters right before then that packed a punch even without context. It took the longest time for either of these to become clear as I read proper, and once I realized who those two characters were... oh. O u c h.

Somehow I managed to not do this with V for Vendetta. I kinda wish it’d been the other way around, in retrospect, but oh well. Both were solid reads, though I liked Watchmen more.

okay personal anecdotes/context aside NOW for the actual review-y thoughts

Despite the Incredibles comparisons, I didn’t actually find Watchmen very similar, nor would I call Incredibles a retelling. In Watchmen, “superheroes” are outlawed and all, but there’s like... two characters with actual powers. One of them is just “I am really smart (and have remarkable reflexes, but then so does Vendetta guy and there’s no supernatural influence in that story).” Instead it’s an alternate history where something something Vietnam and Nixon and it’s the 80s, and jesus christ was the Cold War “we could literally blow up any day now” atmosphere palpable.

There were definitely a few moments where I’d read a scene and be like, “shit, was this really what the 80s were like?” both because A) hey, we almost DID blow up the goddamn planet, and B) general fraught “everything’s fucked, world is ending” atmosphere still rings too goddamn true today. The ending also leaves me with a distinct sense of dread, like that’s the shit that’ll need to happen for us to get our shit together, if only for a little while.

It’s not a happy story, no. Having read a few of the aforementioned scholarly articles on Watchmen, I guess this kicked off the current generation of gritty superhero comics--even though when Watchmen came out, it was revolutionary in NOT being a technicolor happy-go-lucky hero-always-wins moral romp. (Again, superhero comics ain’t my forte.) That said, Watchmen is clearly not being dismal and cynical just for the heck of it. It conveys this with the subtlety of a sledgehammer at times, but an overarching narrative judgment is thankfully absent, leaving readers to draw their own conclusions. Love me some moral ambiguity.

On that note, characters are well-drawn (both in terms of psychological profiles and actual illustration), and while I wasn’t inspired to get too deep into any of their motivations or the like, Rorschach was... something. His identity reveal was a little anticlimactic (as were... lots of the backstory exposition sections, in retrospect), but necessary. Twenty bucks says he’s autistic. I feel like there’s something to be said about Irish-American discrimination and Rorscach but that is by no means my area of expertise, so just throwin’ the thought out there.

Between this and V for Vendetta, Moore really likes social rejects turned masked vigilantes, huh? Vendetta frames V (Guy Fawkes mask dude) as more a symbol than a character; he has a backstory too, but not once is his face shown, and it works.

That said, I just found something kinda... lacking, about Vendetta. Maybe it’s the fact I couldn’t tell half the characters apart and spent most sections not focused on V and Evey wanting to get back to them. Like Watchmen, Vendetta is set in an alternate history (or, er, near-future given when the comic was actually written/published), but whereas Watchmen scatters historical details throughout the narrative via character development and intriguing tie-in snippets, Vendetta kinda just dumps them unceremoniously when needed. It’s... meh.

Well, at least I can say I know what the Guy Fawkes mask as a revolutionary/counterculture symbol originated from. And I did like the little identity twist at the end, much as I saw it coming. (By the way, is that “reports of my death were exaggerated” line from a different piece of media? I could’ve sworn I heard it before but heck if I know where; Google suggests Mark Twain but that doesn’t ring a bell.)

Also, while it could be total coincidence, I kinda wouldn’t be surprised if this influenced Naoki Urasawa’s Monster somehow. (Monster spoilers ahead.) For one thing my first impression of Evey was “fuck, that’s Nina Fortner in dystopian Britain,“ but both stories are set on a backdrop of genocide and feature a character who went through extensive... examination & later broke out in a plot that encompassed the deaths of nearly everyone involved. Said character also has a fucked up relationship with Nina/Evey that involves psychologically screwing with her in an attempt to make her see things his way. (Or, uh, I think that’s what Johann was up to? It’s been a while.) Fun stuff!

Watchmen ends with a very, VERY bittersweet reflection of humanity, and Vendetta draws the curtain on the spark of revolution. Both are impactful in their own rights but the first seems much more relevant today, at least to me as a contemporary American. Also, I can kinda see why Anonymous picked up the Guy Fawkes mask even though vigilante justice isn’t quite what V was going for.

Art-wise, though, Vendetta wins. Rather than cleanly outline everything it makes copious use of negative space and bold inks, foregoing outlines where color contrast will do, and I might mess around with a mimcry some time because got dang does it get that dramatic, noir-esque mood cross. (Watchmen does too at times, but not throughout the whole book. It’s also a matter of clean flats vs semi-blotchy watercolors.)

They are both firmly on my hypothetical list of stories to revisit a few years down the road, because why not, but even if I never get around to that I’m glad I read ‘em at least once.

I end this bulletpoint text wall by saying you should check both graphic novels out if you have a few hours to spare and are game for some challenging psychological thrillers; they earned notoriety for a reason.

Watchmen will take your faith in humanity and hold it over a pit of rabid dogs, but it’s up to you whether or not it drops. It has its gentler moments, but you’ll probably be reading for the themes and mystery above all else. Also, comic people take note--there are some great choices in the imagery and paneling. It probably is worth reading just for the visual storytelling.

V for Vendetta is almost more of a superhero story than Watchmen, hooking you on the identity of its central character but leaving on a universal political moral. Don’t let the smiley mask fool you--this one might not challenge your goodwill as much, but it will throw demoralizing events at you one after the other, for a payoff that holds greater meaning in the bigger picture than anywhere. Again, wasn’t my favorite, but you too can finally understand why Guy Fawkes masks seem to be a symbol of Chaotic Neutral (or Good or Evil, depending on political leaning).

Anyway, what do you think of my desktop?

[ecampbellsoup]

The Characterization of Jamie Fraser: Intentional or Inconsistent?

I love Outlander!!!!!! Ok now that’s established:

Just putting this out there: this is a wee rant (and by wee I mean it’s rather long; what’s a gal to do?)

Generally, I write on aspects I love about Outlander: the many things they do well. However, sometimes, we as viewers/fans can be heavily affected by things they have not done well.

I am offering a bit of constructive criticism not because I hate the show but because I LOVE the show. I want it to be the best it can be. And it is frustrating when it misses the mark.

With that being said, there is going to have to be a bit of context and set-up before I get into the ‘nitty-gritty of this debate; it’s necessary for my criticism to make sense. Stick with me though and you will see what I mean at the end.

Hang onto your britches, and let’s get going:

I am a bit of a television/movie fanatic. Genuinely, I appreciate every aspect that goes into making a piece of film what it is.

I love the complexity behind a script. I love the mastery of a director. I love the dedication of the actors. I love the passion of a producer. I love the details of the costume & set designers. I love the precision of the editors. I love the eye of the cinematographer.

I love and appreciate it all.

There are innumerable moving pieces that all cohesively fuse together to create what comes to the screen.

With that being said, ironically I can also tend to be a little bit critical sometimes of film. I genuinely try not to be because I know how much work and passion goes into it.

However, if a production does fall flat, it’s RARELY one person’s fault. Let me explain further:

When you’re analyzing a scene, there are three main components that make a scene what it is: writers, directors, and actors.

The writers make the story.

The directors interpret the story.

The actors execute the interpretation of the story.

These three facets all mold together to manifest what we see.

A good writer tells a story that is descriptive and truthful.

A good director interprets the story with a mastery of tone, pacing, and theme.

A good actor yields to the trust of the director while also contributing their own perceptions as well.

I make this clarification because although the actor’s job is crucial, it is not just their work that’s being contributed when we see them on screen. It is a marriage between them and the writers/directors. They do not have complete autonomy to do whatever they wish (unless the script and director explicitly dictate so).

So with that in mind, let’s discuss the characterization of Jamie:

As I’ve been reading blogs and rewatching season 3, one thing is abundantly clear to me:

Jamie Fraser’s characterization is all over the map and not in a good way. It is the epitome of inconsistent. I do not always know who I am watching. #whoareyouandwhathaveyoudonewithjamie

At first I was trying to give the production the benefit of the doubt. As I would watch scenes, I would try to find any justification for this bizarre portrayal from a scriptural or directorial stand-point.

With a well-written script and anchored director, there is typically an intentionality behind an inconsistency in character. Meaning if a character is acting “out of sorts”, this is purposeful from the writers, director, and actor to enhance the story.

For example, in season 2, Jamie would occasionally be uncharacteristically curt or cold. If you look at why, this is consistent within his character-arc because he is dealing with the horrific PTSD of rape. Likewise is true with the lack of sexual initiation or intimacy from Jamie.

But now let’s take that logic and apply it to season 3:

Jamie’s character-arc is not only a case of Jeckyll/Hyde but there seems to be no plot-driven reason behind it.

Occasionally, but rarely, in season 3, we have seen justifiable shift in character.

For example, Jamie becomes a shell of his former self in “The Battle Joined” and “Surrender” … he is CLEARLY not the Jamie we knew and loved.

BUT THERE IS A REASON:

He has lost his wife. He has lost his child with Claire. Everything he felt sure of is now a question mark. He lost everything that matters.

His masked, altered, broken behavior is completely consistent. It matches with the story. Not only that, but it informs the story and the story informs it.

These are choices that, in my humble opinion, were well crafted by the writers, directors, and actor. Bravo.

Ah, but now we come to ““All Debts Paid”, “First Wife”, and “The Bakra”

The Jamie we see manifested during these episodes is gravely distorted in many respects to the Jamie of the rest of the season (and the entire show for that matter).

I firmly assert that it is not a result of intentionality, but rather careless inconsistency.

Jamie has moments of apathy with regard to Claire and her reappearance.

Jamie has showed little to no interest in his daughter Brianna, who was an imperative reason why Jamie released Claire and was separated from her to begin with.

Jamie has dialogue where he lacks ownership of his actions and projects blame elsewhere.

Jamie engages with other characters with complete disregard for his previous experiences and PTSD (which should inform these interactions)

NONE OF THESE CHARACTER CHOICES coincides or agrees with the plot and characterization of James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser.

I understand that Jamie is dealing with a lot, so there will be some complexity, but these are not believable behaviors. They do not in any way, shape, or form propel the plot forward or reveal to us the real nature of Jamie. In fact they utterly oppose the real nature of Jamie.

They are completely confusing and contradictory. And not in a nuanced, humanity-revealing way, but in a “I have whip lash from watching this cause I don’t know who I am watching” kind of way.

Ok so now for WHY is this inconsistency happening:

It’s two-fold: writers and directors. Outlander has different writers and directors for each episode. This means that each episode has a different agenda to the story and a different translation of that onto screen.

Simply put: it’s a tightrope walk. The fact that Outlander navigated this so well in season 1 and for the most part in season 2 was miraculously balanced. Logistically, it is incredibly difficult to have a TRULY consistent character with this many people putting him on the screen each week. There is a real risk of the character falling off the tightrope into the oblivion of inconsistency. And this is what has happened with Jamie.

I am purposefully placing the ownership of this on the writers and directors because like we’ve just discussed: it’s their story and their interpretation.

Sam Heughan is merely trusting what they give him and then faithfully portraying just that.

He does NOT have ownership of the material.

He does NOT have freedom to do whatever he pleases.

Of course there is occasional improvisation, collaboration, and input on how he delivers Jamie. But ultimately, he must submit to the writers and the directors because this is what an actor’s job is.

To his credit, Sam does miraculous things with the material he is given. Even with the whip-lash, he still delivers every line and every action believably. He has done phenomenally despite the challenges. But we still get confused about who Jamie is because the script and application there of is contrary.

So what’s the point:

There needs to be a massive sit down with the writers and directors to determine WHO Jamie is and collectively commit to that narrative choice and developmental arc. And stick to it.

The show will not continue to thrive if they recklessly throw their hero under the bus.

The narrative will suffer

The quality will suffer

The believability will suffer

The chemistry will suffer

The acting will suffer

Sam Heughan, as flawless as he is, cannot out-act a decidedly poor script and poor integration of his character. A poorly written character and interpretation will derail an entire production: guaranteed.

I love Outlander. It brings me so much joy. I passionately support it and will continue to do so. I still love Jamie and his character. AND I STILL LOVE THIS SEASON. I just whole-heartedly hope this little conundrum is rectified by season 4.

Ok wee (long) rant over.

(If you made it this far, bless you darling)

Also just to clarify: I have not read ANY of the books yet. All of my analysis and observations come exclusively and solitarily from the show.

As always, you are free to agreeably disagree. All opinions are valid even if they are not like mine. Just please be kind as you share them 😊

[officialthiamlibrary]

Happy Friday!! We’re back at it again, with an exclusive profile of the one, the only @fandomtrashwhore​, aka Marie! You’ve seen her instagram aesthetics, from Hunger Games to Parent Thiam AU to New Years’ AU. And now, we had the opportunity to learn more about her creative process and her life well…behind the screens. Let’s get it started!

Marie! Why not start us off with a simple introduction. Who is fandomtrashwhore? Or the artist behind her? The twist: the word count should be equal or less than the # of letters of the characters in your favorite TW rarepair ship.

Theo Raeken + Mieczyslaw Stilinski = 29

My name is Marie, I’m 19 years old and from Germany. My life is dedicated to my fandoms but besides that I’m an apprentice as an technical product designer.

Ha, I see whatcha did there with ‘Mieczyslaw.’ Smart, very smart! A Technical Product Designer! What does that entail? Do you like it so far?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect translation for it and I’m bad at explaining (that’s why I’m not a writer and my answers in this interview are gonna be shit :’D). I like the 3D drawing part most and till now I’m quite good at it and even ‘job school’ is pretty good. I feel like Hermione cause I always know the answer and my grades are on point af (which definitely wasn’t like that in my previous schools. I never said anything in class).

Pst, who said you have to be a good writer to have a good time? Just do you haha. That’s what we’re all here for any. That’s super interesting though. What’s another thing our fandom would be surprised to know about you?

I have to confess that I didn’t really mind Theo or Liam before season 6? Like I knew they were there and I liked them but I was too focussed on other characters + I didn’t know they wanted to end Teen Wolf then and felt like they wanted to shove the main pack away to replace it with Liam and his gang. (Now I’m all over the puppy pack ).

AND I watched the whole show till 5B or season 6 (not so sure) in one go and that’s why it felt like Theo and Liam both joined around the same time. (Even if there was one whole season between them…wtf.) I remember that I sometimes couldn’t even tell who was Liam and who was Theo cause I thought that they ‘looked alike’…BITCH WHERE? This is more than embarrassing, but every time I watch a show in one go I have trouble learning the names (when the name is said in the show I usually know who they mean but if I talk about it to someone I sometimes can’t remember the names cause I watched 3 seasons within a week…. :’D ). I definitely need to rewatch and appreciate them more this time cause they’re such amazing characters.

*Actually Cackling* Were there any other characters you were hazy on? Like, would Garrett be the “angry, tiny blonde one” to you?

No it’s embarrassing af. :’D And I know who Garrett is and what he did and he was indeed an angry tiny blonde kid, but I don’t remember details. Sadly (I mean I think he only was there for a few episodes so I don’t think there was much detail so I’m good as long as I know his storyline). :’D

Truth. When I started watching Supernatural, until (at least) midseason 2, I called both Sam and Dean, DeanSam cause they were always together when someone addressed them. So, you’re not alone, eek. Now, THAT’S embarrassing.

So, how did you go from ‘kid, what’s your name?!’ to Thiam instagram aesthetics and our fandom? What drew you in?

I think I jumped on the train quite late (cause as I said I didn’t really mind them), but I think I shipped them before but just realized it last season. So, I think I first felt something for them during their fight in the hospital because I was ‘fun-shipping’ them (not really fun but I wasn’t deep into it cause I didn’t bother checking their ship name or anything but I was like ‘lol. They’re gay for each other) during 6B and then I completely lost it in episode 6 of that season and realized that it is a real thing and it’s love.

From that moment I was a mess and died the last few episodes cause I thought they either make it canon or kill Theo off (and maybe make it canon) but neither happened so….ok. :’D I’m sad that I only had like two weeks left with them but since then it’s been a wild ride and they brought me new internet friends ( a whole pack) and made me tumblr fame … it’s crazy how inspiring they are for edits. I just can’t stop. :’D

BUT how I found my way into the Teen Wolf fandom is a bit funnier I think…(at least for me) :’D

This has now become the moment where I ask, “Marie, can you tell us how you got into the Teen Wolf fandom? Lol”

Idk if it’s funny if you don’t know my friends and me personally. But I always had this little group to talk about series with. Mostly The Walking Dead and Game Of Thrones but sometimes other series. A friend of mine, Lucas, once mentioned that there’s a series called ‘teen wolf or something like that’ and that he knows that one character looks like one of our classmates (his name is Tobi). He was talking about Derek and even showed me a pic AND HE REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE HIM (I mean in close up you know it’s not him but you know…).

He already had a beard really really soon (he looked like 20 when he was 15 or something because of it) BUT NOW he looks even more like Derek cause I met him again, like a year ago, in a club and he lost weight and is working out now and….he’s really a Derek look alike (I wish I could show you but privacy…).

After laughing about that I never heard about that series again till I watched the trailer on youtube, and I have no idea why, but it was around new years eve 2015 to 2016 cause I thought about starting it and told a friend of mine on new years eve and showed her the trailer and she also thought it was cool and we started it about a week after that and binge watched the shit out of it.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD THAT PICTURE OF MY CLASSMATE IN MIND WHEN I SAW DEREK. And I still call Derek Tobi when I talk to my best friend who doesn’t watch teen wolf about teen wolf and want to explain something to her.

Lol are you kidding me?! That’s hilarious! And, I’ll raise you. I have a friend Michael who is a spitting image of Scott–skin tone, jaw, hair and all. I wonder if your Tobi/Derek and my Michael/Scott met, would they have a Scott-Derek-esque relationship haha! Since we’ve veered towards Friends, let’s say you, 4 characters from TW, and 1 of you personal friend were living in a Friends-type sitcom. Who’d you bring into your inner circle and which antics would yall get up to?

Ok! This is exciting! So it would be Stiles, Theo, Mason, Liam and my best friend Michelle (she doesn’t watch teen wolf but the hell do I care). We would just be such a funny sassy pack. Do you know that ‘meme’: ‘My friendship comes in 3 levels: Sass, insults, inappropriate sexual humor’? That would be so us. Michelle and me are basically Stiles and that meme describes our friendship so well; we’re really soulmates so I want the whole pack to become that close too.. Theo is a sassy ass anyways and Mason is also on fire.

Liam would suffer under our jokes and always be the one who makes bad jokes only he laughs about and the rest just laughs about him, but we still love him. Michelle and me would ship the hell out of Theo and Liam (and Mason and Corey are goals af). Mason would be sceptical at first but together with Corey–I can’t have Mason without Corey…sorry?–we get him to join us.

Sometimes, Liam and Theo even go with it and flirt for fun just to piss Stiles off who somehow ended up stuck with us after Scott left for college and Stiles decided to quit the FBI and now works as a police officer at the station. Of course, Thiam gets real and no one really notice it at first cause we think it’s just another prank on Stiles until we catch them making out in my kitchen during a pack meeting. There are also a few other pranks since we’re the sassy pack. Stiles mostly uses his position as a police officer, like towing our cars or getting us a ticket. Theo’s pranks are a bit shocking at the beginning since he needs to learn how to be a decent human being. Liam and my pranks fail most of the time. Michelle and Mason are the prank master team; they always come up with the craziest ideas.

Yassss of course, Corey would be there. There’s always a significant other who’s there so often, they become part of the group lol. That sounds like my kind of party, all the chaos and sassy destruction. All the creativity, it’s the perfect segway to our next topic of the day: fandomtrashwhore, aka your creativity.

If your creativity was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? Handle conflict?

I think it would just be a furious working single mother? Cause during the week I’m working and even if I have nothing to do after work I only seem to be able to edit at weekends and then I sacrifice my whole weekend to it like it’s my child. And furious cause once I have an idea in my head, I drown myself in pic finding which can be so exhausting and I bet I look like a stressed single mom during that cause I’m having so many tabs open and so many search phrases to throw at google in my head at the same time.

I also have specific pics in my head and I could cry if I don’t find a perfect pic to fit that image in my head. I mostly listen to the Airplanes playlist I made while editing but I also love artists like Ed Sheeran and Halsey so that would also fit quite well to keep that person calm and grounded. I also think my creative process is quite vulnerable and moody cause sometimes I can’t wait to edit and other times I feel like I never want to edit again and I need to force myself to (during editing I love it again tho). And vulnerable cause like I said I hate when I can’t find a decent pic and could cry. Same goes for if the app crashes during a long edit or if something won’t go how I want it and my patience dies.

Does that single mother furiously create outside of the Thiam fandom too?

Yes, I do social media au’s for all my fandoms (at least I want to, till now I only have a few.)  I’m not a writer but I have a started Sherlock fanfic with a trailer (I like the trailer tho and some one shots to several fandoms on wattpad. I’m ashamed of them cause I’m a bad writer but I can’t stop trying :’D So here’s my Wattpad. Don’t expect too much!!

I mentioned the trailer for my Sherlock before and right now I’m also working on a trailer ( more like ‘short movie’) for and OC (who ended up to be Marie Avgeropoulos) x Negan from The Walking Dead.Till now it’s 13 minutes long and I love the shit out of it. I never drew for a fandom before (german youtube back in the days, I had instagram fanpages. I still have them but I don’t edit for them anymore cause series took over my life. If you know german youtube and are interested contact me but they’re not that important for most of the people reading this, I think. ANYWAYS, what I wanted to say is that I want to draw something Thiam or rather Airplanes themed soon.

Oh AND I and my best friend (Michelle from before) used to write our fanfics (mostly about german youtubers) over whatsapp back in the days. It was legendary but also very unrealistic and hilarious. Sadly, we lost most of them when we got new phones which breaks my heart.

Dang, that’s tragic. Thankfully, you still have the memories. From trailers to Whatsapp/Wattpad fics, they’ve all led you to this moment: Instagram aesthetics. How’re you inspired when choosing a theme?

Most of the time I find a pic that inspires me to an edit theme. E.g., I saw the 3rd pic of The Buck’s party pic on Liam’s profile for the engagement & wedding edit coincidentally on tumblr or something and was like: “Yes, that could be Liam carried by Stiles and the boy on the right is Scott and the girl is Lydia and the pic was taken by Mason….why would something like this situation happen….A BUCK’S PARTY! I NEED TO DO A ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING AU. Then, the other pictures and ideas just find their way.

I also accept requests (like the new year eve one) or I’m inspired by a post (like for example when I did the Thiam Mykonos one.

And when you search for photos, what’s your process for choosing the best ones?

Most of the time, the story of my au’s is formed by the pics I find. Like I have an idea and look for pics and then I see which pics make a logic story. Most of the time, I don’t know myself how I find so good pics and I bet I could never find them again (I tried once after I lost some), cause I found them so deep in the internet. Mostly, I google pretty weird sentences and I wonder what the NSA is thinking of me. :’D  For example, I googled “Throwing Tampons” for an Airplanes related edit once. I bet whoever observes me thinks I’m a killer when I look for aesthetics (especially when I did the The Walking Dead aesthetics) and googled for bloody pics. I nearly threw up a few times tho while doing so.

Finding pics is a harder job than you might think; I would say it takes more time than the editing itself, but I can’t say for sure cause once I start editing I’m lost in some sort of tunnel and suddenly it’s dark outside. When I want to google for ‘natural’ pics, I mostly add ‘snapchat’ or ‘instagram’ behind it (e.g. ‘couple eating take out food snapchat’). Also, you can find good pics on pinterest (my Pinterest name is ‘Marie Rosa’ btw), especially aesthetical and gay couple pics!

Deciding is even harder cause I often have 50 pics in my folder and can only use 12. Then, I check which one I definitely want to have in the edit and which I liked best and are the most decent ones to the images I had in mind.

When there are people on it, it’s also important that they look like the characters they should portrait. After that, I still have 20 pics left and cry because I love them all. Then I make two new folders to decide which ones are for Liam’s and which ones are for Theo’s profile and then I delete some more pics with a hurting heart (or I save them for other edits some day) and look which pics fit best together (when I edit aesthetics, similar color is a big topic). The biggest mess is when I get more ideas during editing or realize that one pic I thought I liked doesn’t fit at all and stop to look for more pics and the whole order I had is thrown away again and I need to start again. :’D

My goodness, I remember seeing you and Sammy (@glitter-cake20) talk about finding pics before on Discord, but that is…really involved. Are there times when you create your own images instead? If so, which edits/manips have been your favorite?

I would say the Hunger Games one was my best manip, but I also like the one in the Thiam parent AU  where I replaced Cody’s cat with a baby two times. And, nearly all manips I did for my Airplanes series, especially Disney Kiss (I just edited Dylan on Cody’s ex-girlfriend…lol…no regrets), the bowling pic, all the pack video calls in which I added some more heads and the ones of Derek and Stiles in NYC. I also love the one of Mason and Liam carrying watermelons in the Dirty Dancing AU and the whole Daredevil Thiam (+Morey) AU is also one of my favorites cause it’s so aesthetical. I mean in the end I nearly love them all cause I wouldn’t have posted them if not.

You’ve mentioned CaptainMintyFresh’s Airplanes a few times. What inspired the idea to make instagram posts for the guys’ journey? So far, which has been your favorite chapter to conceptualize? And why?

I don’t really know how it started but I was editing my other ones and Tagan kept mentioning certain pic scenarios. (I think it was around the waterpark chapter.) I was just like: ”She’s giving so many good patterns why don’t you try to make Insta profiles to the chapters.” It was one of my best decisions cause I loved it, even if it was a pain in the ass! I finally managed to catch up and since then I feel so empty…sounds strange but my past few months were spend with Thiam and Airplanes and suddenly, I’m free. I was looking forward to editing other things again and I did but on the other side, I feel lost and don’t even know what to edit or I’m not in the mood. I have an Airplanes hangover or something. :’D  

My favorite to conceptualize were probably the Disney chapters (it used to be the lake chapter but since editing Disney, I like that more) but every chapter was fun in it’s own way. (I’m planning on doing a commenting on the airplanes edits after Airplanes is finished).

I also think you can see how my skills improved while editing when you look at the first chapter edits and the last ones. That’s maybe the thing I’m most grateful about; it gave me the chance to experiment and grow along with the Fic and the characters.

Aww, that’s quite poetic. And, now we have Chapter  39 out, so you must feel the inkliest bit complete!

And, now I can feel the inkiest bit better about the next question to come.

CHALLENGE TIME! If you seen how BTS works, you know we love giving you the Time to Shine! For your first challenge, you can bring any of your insta posts to life in the TW Universe. Which would you choose? Set the scene for how that pic was taken.

I mean I would say the airplane series but it’s not my story so I’m gonna go with one of my single edits.

Then I would say the Parent AU cause I’m a bitch for parent Thiam. I’m gonna go with the pic of the crying baby with the title ‘Great. My son has my husband’s attitude’.

Liam sends Theo to the store with Leo after a discussion so he has some peace and can clean the house without interruptions. Leo won’t stop crying on top of his lungs in the middle of the store and Theo sighs while resting his forehead on the shopping cart (I hope that’s what it’s called).Then, he looks up again and gets his phone out to snap a picture and post it to show everyone that not only Liam is a whining little shit torturing him but now also his son. He laughs at himself for the joke which makes Leo stop crying and laugh with him instead. Theo takes that as an encouragement for his joke and carries him on his arm for the rest of the shopping trip, When they return home, he’s greeted by Liam who’s trying to look pissed but fails and just smirks at him and giving him a slight slap on the arm.

Hahahaha, yes! Dig it. And yes, it’s totally called a shopping cart (at least in my state). One final challenge before we wrap up? Since your images are always so unique to the theme, which pictures/ types of pictures would you use for these one word/phrase prompts:

Celebrity

Stuck at the Airport

Blind Date Gone Wild

Do you just want one pic or a collage of some good pics I would use? BUT I would love to do the whole edit. :’D

Heck yeah, we’d love a whole edit!!

FINALLY, done! Amen.

Wow!! I’m stunned. Over 80 pictures. 6 Days. 3 WHOLE POSTS!?! Plus Comment Posts! Honestly, how do you do it? Everyone, definitely go check these out; their linked with their respective challenges below!

[   Celebrity   |   Stuck at the Airport   |   Blind Date Gone Wild   ]

While we all marvel at that, can we expect any other Thiam instagram themes from you in the future?

Of course. I have an Thiam folder with 357 a folder for the upcoming Mockingjay AU with 37 and my airplanes folder with still 194 pics. Somehow and someday I’m gonna use them all. Planned is to finish the Hunger Games series, cause I still need to do Mockingjay and I also have so many good parenting pics left so there’s definitely going to be another parent Thiam AU and some random ones.

It depends on my mood and requests I get or if I’m suddenly inspired by a pic to edit a specific theme. I also want to make more of Thiam x other fandoms, like Maze Runner, Divergent and so on but I also want to edit for so many other fandoms and ships. Why is there so less time in my mortal life?

Who knows? If only time stopped during the Fandom spurts of our lives, then we could enjoy it as long as we wanted to. Aww, I’m sad to see us come to an end. Marie, what’s next for you?

Finish my apprenticeship in 2020 and have a job after that + moving out. The next thing I’m saving money on right now is my own car till august (I also want my first own TV and playstation and need a new laptop any maybe smartphone :’D). Other fix dates this year are german comic con in december or turning 20 on 27th June.

Of course, I’m gonna drown myself in more fandoms and editing (I mean I’ve already watched 7 new series in 2018).

Oooh, which new shows? (I know I said we were ending lol, but shows are my drug!)

I finally got myself netflix since streaming became officially illegal (it wasn’t actually legal or illegal before but they couldn’t do anything to you and it was safe) here last year and I used it to watch all the marvel netflix productions like Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Daredevil, The Defenders, Luke Cage (which I haven’t finished cause Netflix won’t let me, every 30 seconds it crashes) and The Punisher. Jessica Jones and Daredevil are my favorites out of them. Then, I also watched How To Get Away With Murder….IT’S MY FUCKING NEW RELIGION! Coliver is giving me more than life. They’re goals.

(In case anyone is interested in what I’m watching and stuff here’s my TV TIME name: MarieRo)

OMG, Ok, Ok, let me end this before I start a rampage about all things Marvel. Thanks so much for hanging with us at the Thiam Lib and letting us get to know you! Is there anything else you’d like to add, including any life/creating wisdom?  Write until your heart’s content.

There are SO MANY intelligent things to say, but I’ll go with: Don’t give a shit about what other people think but always be open for other people’s opinions and teachings BUT don’t believe anything blindly. Just survive somehow tbh.

I have some other blogs on tumblr: @marierosaurus (random shit I like, sexual or funny af, just everything) @music-is-all-i-need-in-life (my music fandoms) @edsheeranfanblog (as you can maybe tell….a blog for Ed Sheeran?) @youtube-fan-live (blog for mostly german youtube)

(Instagram (about my traveling and just random private instagram shit): marierosarius)

I also want to thank you Minna for doing all this (bts is such a cool idea and keeping us inspired with the movie fest and stuff has to be so much work!) and especially for inviting me in the Thiam Discord pack chat 4 or 5 month ago. It’s been a wild ride and I maybe would’ve never known about that chat without you.

I love that chat and how we spend the christmas holidays together and thiam got so much more intense and it’s not even only about thiam anymore we also exchange about many other fandoms and we cried so many smut tears together (I mean that nsfw chat is on fire and I remember voice chat talks between in that christmas holidays we will burn in hell for and I love it :’D) and also fluff and angst tears but mostly smut tbh.

Just thanks for everything the Thiam community gave me, I said earlier that thiam gave me ‘tumblr fame’ and that sound stupid but it did, cause I edited before and nobody gave a single shit and reblogged or liked anything. Thiam was the best thing that could happen to me, even if I mostly edit for myself cause I like it and it’s fun, I can’t deny that it motivates you and makes you happy when other appreciate your work. Even not Teen Wolf or Thiam related posts / reblogs are noticed and it makes me so happy. Ok, sorry for bothering you with all my stupid talking. All I have left to say is: Meow

Awww, thanks so much for the love! Hahaha, our first Discord chat feels like so long ago now lol. And I also wouldn’t be here without my other Thiam Library Mods, esp Tiffany, Esme, Lizzie, Euthoxia, and Vis. They keep me inspired and grounded when life gets crazy. Just as you all, the Thiam Fandom, keep us inspired with your interactions and massive talent. We love you all!

With that, Behind the Screens presents Marie to you! If you want even more, you can read her questions that didn’t make it into the official interview here! Of course, the conversation doesn’t stop here. Not only can you chat with her on her 4 other blogs AND TV TIME, you can find her at these places too:

Main Tumblr: fandomtrashwhore

Inbox/Ask: fandomtrashwhore ask

Wattpad: Marierosarius

Instagram: marierosarius

Snapchat: marierosarius

Twitter: MarieRosarius

She’s also accepting prompts and the like, so hit her up!

We’d like to thank Marie for entertaining our many questions and challenges!! We have tons more BTS coming in the next few weeks, so stay on the look out for those <3

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

[intergalactic-zoo]

In preparation for my viewing of Justice League, I decided to revisit Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice. I've been dithering with this post on and off for a month, and while I don't think it's gotten any shorter, at least I feel like it says all I'm going to need to say on the subject. Also, I added some pictures. Anyway, you may recall that I did not care for the movie the first time around. I'm approaching this like I did with my Man of Steel rewatch that I did in preparation for that viewing: trying to focus on the positive, to find the movie that I've seen fans posting gifs of on Tumblr for a year and a half. To that end, I'm watching the Ultimate Edition, which I've heard is better than the theatrical cut. Without further ado... I listened to the opening voiceover three times, twice with subtitles, and I'm still not sure what it means. "What falls...is fallen," is, I suppose, meant to be a way to set up Batman's character arc, that he goes from this nihilistic place to learning to hope again, but hoo boy does it make Batman sound like a pretentious MFA student. As unnecessary as the rehashed Batman origin is, I like that we see Martha Wayne being the proactive one in the alley. We typically see Thomas trying to take control, rushing forward to protect Martha and Bruce, and this is a nice change of pace from that. Batman and Superman's stories tend to be way too dad-centric, especially in adaptations, to the point where Martha Wayne is largely a cypher, despite having existed for almost eighty years. I'm no Batmanologist, but I think the only comic I've read that tried to characterize her at all was Batman: Death and the Maidens. Looking back to Man of Steel, this is an ongoing theme. Moms live longer in the Snyderverse, whether it's a few days, with Lara, a few seconds, with Martha Wayne, or indefinitely, with Martha Kent. Moms are also badasses, with Lara facing down Zod, Martha K. taking on Faora, and here, Martha W. trying to protect Bruce. It's a little weird that the Batcave is apparently adjacent to the Wayne family cemetery plots. Ugh, "the Superman." I'll accept "the Batman" as something people call Batman, but seriously, "the Superman" is what Nietzsche wrote about, not Jerry Siegel. At least, post-1933.

There's a giant alien spaceship destroying cities, and it's been active long enough for Bruce Wayne to ride a helicopter over to Metropolis and drive halfway across town in disaster traffic, but nobody at Wayne Enterprises looks out the window or starts to get out of the building until they get a call from the boss. Those are some dedicated employees, let me tell you. This is also a stark contrast to Superman, who never so much as shouts at bystanders to run during the big fight with Zod. Why doesn't Jack leave the building? It looks like the rest of the staff made it out, and as far as I'm aware, there's no tradition for the CFO or whatever to go down with the ship. Moreover, why does Bruce think he's still in the building? We just saw that he had no cell phone service, so it's not like their call was still connected. This scene tries to do what Man of Steel really failed at, examining the human cost of this destruction, but it doesn't work. There's no reason for Jack to make the sacrifice (at least they could have had him run back into the building to save someone, to make a parallel with Pa Kent in MOS—in the Snyderverse, Moms survive and Father Figures die for no reason), there's no reason for Bruce to think he's not among the evacuees, and we have no emotional connection to this character that we've never seen before in any medium. At least if it were "Lucius," the film could play on audience's previous familiarity with the character to tug some emotional strings, like it does with Jimmy Olsen later, but this is just the movie reaching for an emotional payoff that it hasn't earned. It's the same problem as the Jenny saying "he saved us" in Man of Steel—it relies on characters knowing things because the audience knows them, even though the characters have no way of knowing. It's a weird inversion of dramatic irony. The moment with the little girl who's lost her mom works considerably better, because at least it ties back to the origin flashback. The closest thing we have to a throughline for Batman's character in this movie is that he doesn't like it when people lose their moms. When I rewatched Man of Steel, I kept wondering what impression people on the street would get of Superman, and this is actually a nice reification of that. Bruce sees Superman pushing Zod back down from space, apparently in control, surrounded by debris from a Wayne Enterprises satellite, bringing him right back to the huge, densely-populated city that they were fighting in before, when presumably he could have flown him into the ocean just as easily. Bruce seems to have nothing but contempt for the battling aliens, and that's a way more genuine reaction than seeing him as a hero.

I am just infuriated by the callous incompetence of the Superman in this universe. Eighteen months later and there is still a wrecked alien spaceship leaking radioactive xenomaterials into the Indian Ocean. Like, for a movie so focused on mothers, it doesn't speak well of Martha Kent's character that she never taught her son to clean up his messes. We cut to a fictional country in Africa, where Lois acts like a jerk to Redshirt Jimmy, then sits down to interview General Amajagh with literally no chill. He says that he is "a man with nothing except a love of [his] people," and that's one of those lines that feels important. On one hand, it's more or less exactly what Zod said toward the end of Man of Steel, so that connection's made; on the other, it resonates with Batman's attitude, and Lex Luthor's as well. "These pious American fictions, spoken like truth" is another such line, and Luthor's "oldest lie in America" line echoes it later. The most suspicious thing about Jimmy Olsen is the idea that he'd be using a camera with film in 2016.

Hooray for casually lethal Superman. People like to justify the idea that Superman should be able to kill people in situations like this, where an innocent person is being held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, because it would be a justified use of lethal force. And that would be true if Superman weren't, you know, Superman. He's not limited in the ways that, say, human law enforcement officers are. Even in the real world, we've seen an epidemic of police officers resorting to lethal force when effective nonlethal options are available. But for Superman, there are always nonlethal options available. We've seen this scenario before a thousand times, where Lois is in danger, held at gunpoint by a Bad Guy, and Superman manages to stop him without killing him. He can grab the gun at super-speed, he can block the bullet from exiting the barrel, he can melt the gun or the firing pin with heat vision, he can knock the Bad Guy out with a flick of his finger. We've seen literally all of those and a dozen other options spread out across half a dozen media for nigh on eight decades. But this is a Superman who defaults to lethal force, and I'm sorry, but that's not a heroic trait. Not in general, and especially not in the world of the last several years. Also, Lois and Superman share this look before he does the death-flight move, and she nods and lets go of Amajagh's arm and braces herself, implying this has happened before, or at least that they've discussed what they'd do in this situation. That adds a layer of complicity to Lois's behavior that's uncomfortable at best. We cut then to Nairomi villager Kahina Ziri's Congressional testimony, where it seems like the security contractors' intent in killing Amajagh's people was to frame Superman for their deaths. Which, first, is wholly unnecessary given that Superman actually does kill Amajagh, and second, would almost certainly be more effective if they had just used the flamethrowers rather than shooting the men and piling their bodies before burning them. Or did this universe's version of Lois Lane's "I Spent the Night with Superman" column mention his bullet-vision? Senator Finch decides to hold Superman responsible for the deaths of Amajagh's people (despite the fact that he stopped the CIA drone strike that also would have killed them, but that's actually fairly believable), and we see that the driving theme of the story is going to be the Responsible Use of Power and Holding the Powerful Accountable. It's a reasonable theme for a Superman movie (it's very similar to the theme of Superman IV, in fact), and a common theme of Superman stories going back to the Golden Age. Rarely, though, is it told through a version of Superman who is so obviously and disastrously irresponsible in his use of power. Ziri turns out to be lying, as part of Luthor's scheme, which is highlighted by how her recounting of events is directly contradicted by what we just saw. Leaving aside the elaborateness of Luthor's scheme, it's not a good look for all these African characters to be either sinister or witless pawns. The cops watching a Gotham/Metropolis football game are call sign Delta Charlie 27, and if you don't catch that Easter egg, don't worry, they repeat it three or four times to drive it home. And hey, if you thought "d***splash" was a weird phrase to hear in a Superman movie, wait 'til Officer Rucka drops an f-bomb. Clark comes in while Lois is in the bath, and right off the bat says he doesn't care what was said at the hearing. Which...kind of validates the point of the hearing. He also says he "didn't kill those men," which isn't quite accurate, is it, Clark? Like Ziri's testimony, Clark here is saying something that is directly at odds with what we just saw. Unlike her, though, we're never given a reason for the incongruity. It's common in superhero stories to have characters survive experiences that would cripple or kill normal humans. People point out how brutal Captain America is to a lot of the guys on the ship at the beginning of The Winter Soldier, and how some of the guys he kicks or throws his mighty shield at would likely have sustained pretty grievous injuries. There are two ways to deal with this; in Winter Soldier, we never really revisit the issue. Whether the anonymous cannon fodder died or were injured or were knocked out never comes up again, so we can assume whatever we like. The other way is to show some indication that, however improbably, the person survived their experience. Having a quick shot where they groan or rub their head or squirm on the ground is pretty commonplace, especially in superhero cartoons, for instance. This movie tries to do the former, treating these minor villains like goons in a beat-em-up arcade game, whose bloodless bodies disappear once their hit points are exhausted. Which might be fine, if not for the fact that "who administers lethal justice" is an explicit theme in the movie. As a result, we're left with an inconsistency between what Clark says and what we saw him do, with enough ambiguity in his words to make us wonder if he's being as duplicitous as Ziri was. Lois points out that there's a cost to his actions, which again feels like one of those "this is thematically important" lines. The Lois and Clark interaction is good here; I like seeing them being affectionate and even physical with one another. And yet, as if to drive home that point about themes, Lois warns him that he's going to flood the apartment if he climbs into the bathtub, and he just smiles and continues. This is a Superman who does what he wants, and damn the consequences. Hope they don't have any downstairs neighbors.

Alfred tells Bruce that "a feeling of powerlessness [...] turns good men cruel," in case you're taking notes on themes. And then this leads into our scene of Silicon Valley Startup CEO Lex Luthor, who offhandedly mentions that his father grew up poor and oppressed in East Germany before launching into his kryptonite weapon pitch. There's some weirdness here in the way they go from kryptonite weapons as deterrents to the "metahuman thesis" which suggests that Lex thinks metahumans are related to Kryptonians, and I wonder if that ties into the rumors from before this movie came out that the Amazons would have been descended from that empty pod on the Kryptonian ship. Lex's negotiations with Senator Jolly Rancher underscore that theme of power, and the abuses thereof. Lex pretends to be interested in preventing the metahumans from instituting a fascist state, but really just wants to be the guy with the launch codes. Much as I dislike this Heath Ledgeresque portrayal of the character (though he's not my least favorite version of Lex), this is a good understanding of the core of Lex's character. Clark has a sad at Kahina on TV pointing out that his actions have consequences. Meanwhile, there's a "beloved" statue of him in Heroes' Park. I wish we had a little indication of how we got to that point, how the city apparently got back to normal and built a massive monument in the span of 18 months. For comparison, only a handful of buildings in a single area were destroyed or damaged in New York on 9/11, and they didn't start constructing the memorial until almost five full years later. A line about how Superman assisted with the cleanup, a shot of a newspaper article on how helpful he was in rebuilding the city, those little things would have helped to make sense of the world we're presented with. As the story actually stands, it's another attempt to have a meaningful moment without actually earning it, and it further undercuts the movie's inconsistent attempts to explore the consequences of these superhero battles. Clark Kent, news reporter, is unaware of the vigilante in the town across the bay whose exploits were literally front page news the day before. So he's actually incompetent at both his jobs. And so is Perry White, who is a cynical jerk here who basically flaunts his lack of integrity. When Clark hits him with the same point that Kahina made on the news, he dismisses the very notion of the American conscience. Lois comes in with the bullet she recovered from Amajagh's camp, which is a one-of-a-kind cutting edge bullet not available anywhere. So, to recap, Lex Luthor had his people use unique, easily-traceable bullets to kill people in an attempt to frame Superman, who does not use guns, for their murder. And yet Lois thinks this means the U.S. government armed the rebels while claiming to support the elected government, even though it was already said that the government was officially neutral, and she knows the CIA was involved in going after Amajagh because she just washed the agent's blood off her shirt. Superman blew up a damn drone on the way to save her. Did he not mention that? One day it'd be nice to get back to superhero costumes that look like they might believably fit under a person's civilian clothes, rather than having to spend all their time on mannequins in those heroes' basements.

Clark Kent, news reporter, doesn't recognize the famous playboy billionaire businessman who lives in the town across the bay, owns an office building that he helped demolish (not to mention a satellite), and who was namechecked by the guy defacing a statue of him. It's bad enough that Clark managed to even get this job when his résumé reads "fisherman, waiter, US Air Force baggage handler," and it's worse that he doesn't find it odd that he, a guy with no more than 1.5 years' newspaper experience who struggles to file sports articles, gets specifically requested to cover a high-class fundraiser, but he hasn't even bothered to research the big-name donors who were specifically invited to the event he's covering? He is staggeringly incompetent. As bad a newsman as this movie's Perry White is, that he even tolerates Clark is a testament to superhuman patience. Clark tells Bruce that he's "seen" the "Bat vigilante," except...no, he hasn't? He's seen a newspaper story about it, and talked to a few people who fear Batman, but he hasn't actually seen Batman. He makes a crack about Batman thinking he's above the law, after scoffing himself at the idea of being accountable to a higher authority a few scenes ago. Again, Bruce is 100% right here: Clark is being a hypocrite, and doesn't even have the "Batman's tactics are too brutal" moral high ground to stand on when he risked an international incident by unnecessarily splattering a warlord through two brick walls. Like, the charitable interpretation here is that Clark is dealing with a crisis of conscience, trying to find an answer to the question of using power responsibly. So he's putting this question to other people with power—Perry, Bruce—in hopes of, what? Finding a satisfying answer for himself? Getting the guidance he seems to need? Exploring alternative points of view? The closest thing we have to a conclusion to this muddled plotline is that Superman sacrifices himself in the end, which could indicate that he realizes there's no way to use this much power responsibly. That would be a potentially interesting take, even if I think it's ultimately at odds with the whole point of Superman. If this were the Dark Knight Rises of the Man of Steel-iverse, a coda to Snyder's version of Superman the way that DKR was for Nolan's Batman, it could work. Instead, this is the springboard for the entire DC shared film universe, so it can't end with the message of "superhumans shouldn't exist because that amount of power inevitably corrupts or has unforseen negative consequences." It has to end with "Superman was actually great and now we need to get all the superhumans together because bad things are coming that regular people can't stop." Even if that weren't the case, we still have a situation where Superman sacrifices himself knowing full well that there is technology that could resurrect him as an unstoppable monster and that there are people willing to do just that. Even if the conclusion of his asinine soul-searching is "no one man should have all this power," his sacrifice doesn't fix that. It just wipes his hands of having to figure out who has that power and how it's used. Even his heroic sacrifice represents an irresponsible attitude toward the enormous power he possesses, and that's almost impressive.

Lex Luthor pops up, and the World's Greatest Detective doesn't find it odd that he knows the name of the occasional sports reporter who's covering the gala. Lex could not be more obvious about knowing who the two of them are. He also mentions that Bruce is finally in Metropolis, "after all these years." Metropolis, you'll recall, was home to a Wayne Enterprises building less than two years ago, and Bruce was heavily enough involved in its operations that he was on a first-name basis with the manager, and the staff didn't bother evacuating until they got the word directly from Mr. Wayne. Like, even if we imagine that Bruce traveling across the harbor to a building he owned was a freak occurrence during the battle, this also suggests that after witnessing and being traumatized by all that destruction, Bruce Wayne didn't bother setting foot in the city to help rebuilding efforts. Clark sees a report about a fire in Juarez and saves a little girl, leading to another "here's some religious imagery" scene, and a talking heads segment about how "every religion believes in a messianic figure," which I'm almost certain is complete nonsense. What's worse is that this segment made me agree with Andrew Sullivan of all people. The last bit poses the same basic question that young Clark asked Pa Kent in Man of Steel: should he just let people die on principle? And yeah, it'd be hard to tell a parent that their kid died because Superman restrained himself from saving them. But isn't it also hard to tell a kid that their parent died because Superman acted without restraint and, say, disabled a spaceship so that it would crash in the middle of a city? There's a fairly rapid-fire sequence where the bat-branded crook from earlier gets transferred to Metropolis and killed on the orders of Luthor's Russian merc, Wally the statue vandal gets released on Luthor-paid bail, gets cleaned up, and meets with Senator Finch, and Lois confirms things she already suspected about the strange bullet (with a bit of bathroom gender essentialism from General Swanwick). Clark gets in another fight with Perry, who tells him "you could stand for something in 1938, but not anymore," which...

And we also learn that not only has Clark Kent, a guy who can travel from the northeast coastal U.S. to Juarez in seconds, hasn't filed either of the stories he's been assigned so far. Like, sports stories don't have a long shelf life, my dude. You are a terrible reporter. We're treated to a painfully unfunny Jon Stewart monologue about Superman wanting not to be considered American anymore. It's weird on several levels, since we've had no indication that Superman's made any statements at this point about...anything, but it's also just not well-written. Superman must be American because he wears red and blue and has an S on his chest? It's a bigger stretch than the right-wing radio host I heard circa 1997 saying that the blue-and-white electric costume meant Superman now represented the United Nations. It makes more sense as a response to that Goyer-penned story from a few years back about Superman renouncing his U.S. citizenship, but even then it's still not good. Verbal sparring with Bruce and Diana, then we get the "Knightmare" sequence. I want to laugh about Batman wearing a mask over his mask, but honestly that's pretty true to the character.

Mad Bat-Max fights Superman Nazis and Parademons with guns until Superman kills him for taking "her" from him, presumably Lois. And then the Flash shows up to say "Bruce! Bruce! Justice League premieres in November, 2017! Mark your calendars!" or something. Did we need two scenes back to back where Bruce dreamily realizes that Lois Lane is important and Superman is bad (though Flash is notably vague with his pronouns)? Do we have any indication at all as to what's behind Batman's weird dreams? I've seen Justice League at this point, and I still can't answer those questions. Speaking of scenes we've already seen, Clark Kent gets a mysterious envelope with the Batman newspaper article he waved around earlier and a bunch of Polaroids of that dead bat-branded criminal, with the phrase "Judge Jury Executioner" written on the bottom. Literally none of this, down to that phrasing, is news to Clark, but hey anything worth doing is worth doing twice I guess. Also, even though he hasn't published anything about Batman, even though he's only asked a handful of people about the Bat vigilante, he doesn't stop to wonder who would send him these pictures, or whether it might be an attempt to manipulate him. Bruce learns that the White Portuguese is a ship, which I feel like he probably could have found out without downloading Lex's mainframe. He already knows about the kryptonite, and he knows it's being delivered to Lex Luthor, so he's going to steal it and use it to kill Superman, based on logic straight out of the Iraq war. It's a bad argument, especially for a guy who we know doesn't care about the consequences of his branding low-level thugs but has allowed the Joker to keep on living. It is easy to craft actual reasons to rein in the reckless, inexperienced, cavalier Superman of this universe, but Batman manages to be just as wrong and just as hypocritical as Superman. For the record, I think this is really the turning point of the movie, the sequence from Knightmare to this point. This is where the movie takes a hard right turn from a kind of fascinating mediocre to Actually Bad. All these overwrought dialogue-heavy scenes hammering on the same points as though the universe itself is trying to force Batman and Superman to fight, because it is. It's not just Luthor; as much as he's orchestrating, he isn't behind Batman's dreams or the branded crook's girlfriend being in the police station when Superman shows up. Every conversation Clark and Bruce have is driving them to fight each other because that's the title of the movie, not because it makes sense for either of their characters. And they both have to be hypocritical idiot fanatics for the plot to make any sense at all. I was going to say that this is plot driving character, but it's not, because there's not enough of either. This is a fight scene driving everything else. The battle between Batman and Superman is the given, and nothing else needs to make sense so long as it ends up with them fighting. So, after seeing Days of Future Bats using a handgun, we get a fakeout with him aiming a sniper rifle at the guys hauling the kryptonite. Psych, it's actually a tracer! Batman doesn't kill people, silly! And then he Batmobile-rams an apparently-occupied car so that it flips over several times and takes out a trailer office. Psych! Batman totally kills people. Okay, so maybe the office was empty, and maybe that car was just sitting next to all the other occupied cars, with its headlights on, but empty as well. Maybe? Maybe you can argue that he didn't kill anyone with it. Not so much after he harpoons it and uses it to flatten a car with at least four guys in it. And then uses his hood-mounted bat-guns to 1000% kill at least another two in an SUV.  I won't even blame him for the guy he let drive into a tanker truck, but he definitely decapitates at least one more with his car driving through the top of the semi carrying the kryptonite.

Are we supposed to be okay with this because Batman only has the power to kill dozens of people, rather than millions? Is his argument against Superman really just a matter of numbers? The thing about this scene that's most galling, though, is how unnecessary it is. Batman knows what ship the kryptonite is on, where it's docking, who's taking it, and where they're planning to deliver it. He puts a tracking device on the truck. There is no reason whatsoever for him to be chasing after them in his sports tank. He kills at least seven people and endangers at least a half-dozen other drivers we see on the road because, what, sneaking was too hard for The Batman? He was too lazy to set up an ambush? Nothing in this scene makes sense, and it thoroughly undermines what little moral high ground Batman had. It makes him look less like he's upset that Superman endangers people and more like he's just upset that Superman does it more efficiently. And then his car bounces off of Superman, which is actually a pretty cool idea. I always like it when Superman's powers are treated kind of casually; it makes him seem so effortlessly powerful. But then he gives Batman this 'go home and stop being Batman, or else' speech, and Batman asks "do you bleed," and ugh. That little detour kept Batman from pursuing the kryptonite shipment, so instead he uses the tracer. Surprise, it's at a LexCorp research facility! Except now they know Batman's after them! World's Greatest Detective, everybody! Lois meets with the General again and gives him the bullet. Senator Finch asks Superman to come to Congress. Lex ogles the kryptonite. Superman meets with Martha Kent, who tells him "when people see what you do, then they'll know who you are." She follows this up with "you're not a killer. You're not a threat." Except that he is. He's both of those things. He killed Zod, he killed Amajagh, and that's just the two we've seen directly, that's not even blaming him for all those killed in collateral damage. The last time we saw him in costume, he was literally threatening Batman. Martha's pouring a big ol' glass of Granny's Peach Tea right here. And then "you don't owe this world a thing. You never did," which is a pretty garbage sentiment, there, Martha. It's no wonder that this Superman doesn't bother to clean up his messes, doesn't think he should be held accountable, doesn't seem to have much agency beyond asking other people what he should do, if that's the message he's been getting his whole life. Hide your abilities to save yourself, you don't have to help people...these aren't the philosophies that build a hero. And Superman doesn't argue with her, doesn't plead a case. He just looks melancholy.

Ziri sees the contractors, then goes back to tell Sen. Finch that she lied before. The General meets back up with Lois to tell her that the bullet was developed by LexCorp and that it was a setup to make Superman look responsible. So, again, LexCorp hired mercenaries directly, armed them with unique LexCorp-designed bullets, and had them shoot a bunch of people to frame Superman, who doesn't use guns, for killing them, when he did in fact kill their leader and didn't actually need to be framed for anything. Everyone in this movie is an idiot. Perry won't run Lois's story against Luthor on the word of an anonymous source, and Finch knows that Ziri lied about pretty much everything because Luthor threatened her. So, if all this could be stirred up by one witness lying, why did they even need to kill the villagers in the first place? Luthor shows up, sends Mercy into the Congressional chamber, and tells Sen. Finch that the oldest lie in America is "that power can be innocent." And, again, he's right. We know he's right. Superman and Batman's reckless abuses of their respective powers makes them both responsible for unnecessary, avoidable, unjust deaths. And while you might argue that Luthor's being a hypocrite here, since his men push Ziri in front of a subway train and since he's about to blow up Congress, it's not like he's exempting himself from that statement. Luthor is willing to use his power, lethally if necessary, unilaterally to achieve his own ends. How is he any different from our two ostensible protagonists? We've seen this kind of question asked before, particularly in Lex Luthor stories. Luthor is cynical, megalomaniacal, and narcissistic. He can't imagine that Superman would use his power altruistically because he can't believe that anyone wields power without expecting something in return. And in these stories, we know that Luthor is projecting his own flaws onto Superman because he's unwilling to accept that he might be wrong. But having the Superman of these films, who uses his power irresponsibly and doesn't care about accountability, recontextualizes Luthor's position. He's no longer obviously wrong, no longer clearly trying to justify his own actions. This Luthor is a power-hungry narcissist, sure, but when opposed to a cavalier, unrestrained Superman, he's got a point. Anyway, in keeping with the movie's need to hammer every point home, Senator Finch chokes on her speech no less than three times as we take four long, loving shots at the jar labeled "Granny's Peach Tea" on her lectern. Then the Wallybomb blows and Superman just stands there, looking melancholy. Was his last line when he threatened Batman? Is this meant to be another allegory, Christ remaining silent under Pilate's questioning or something? Or is this Superman just a passive observer when he's not chasing down the Batman story or murdering warlords? Like, seriously, the U.S. Capitol Building just exploded. There are probably people in other rooms. There are priceless artifacts in this building. Maybe don't just stand there?

To Superman's credit, we do see him rescue a woman and bring her to the EMTs. And then he looks melancholy at Lois and flies off. The Capitol is still smoking, EMTs are working with people on stretchers, cops are zipping up body bags, but Superman doesn't try to reassure the crowd, doesn't ask the first responders how he can help, doesn't tell Lois what happened or where he's going. He just flies away. It's as if the filmmakers heard the criticism that Superman barely saves anyone in Man of Steel, and put this in as a "fine, see? He saved someone. Happy now?" As if Superman's got better things to do than help people who need help. We learn on the TV at Wayne Manor that first responders are still bringing victims out. Superman has to at least suspect that this was targeting him, right? And he just disappears, rather than help people who got hurt because they were near him. It's a theme for this version of Superman. Naturally, this drives Batman to go steal the kryptonite from Luthor's lab, which he was already going to do but now I guess he did it angrier. Superman has a sad with Lois about how he shouldn't have even bothered with helping people, and it was his dad's dream anyway. Lex gets into the Kryptonian ship's database, Batman does crossfit and makes his kryptonite weapons, and then he gets into Luthor's "META_HUMAN" folder where he's helpfully assigned the Justice League handy symbols and, apparently, names (or two-letter designations that just happen to correspond to their names).

If you were worried that maybe you wouldn't recognize one of the surveillance shots of Diana, it's okay, she always makes sure to look directly at the camera. But we get to hear her amazing theme music for the first time, so that's good. Luthor brings Zod's body into the Kryptonian ship and drips his own blood on it for reasons, and in the Daily Planet office and around the world, people are debating the degree of Superman's complicity in the bombing of Congress. It's not entirely fair to pin that on him, but the point that he's got nigh-unlimited power and did nothing to prevent people from being killed can be levied on other things he's done, so it's kind of a wash. Lois Lane, who generally makes out pretty good in these movies, sits at home watching TV, where they've figured out who the bomber was, but still haven't ruled out Superman as a co-conspirator. Because if he wanted to kill a whole bunch of people, he'd have some rando who hates him build a bomb. I can't decide what's dumber: that Lex keeps trying to frame Superman for murder with tactics that Superman doesn't use, or that people buy it. Lois eventually gets up and investigates Wally (and learns that the bullet and wheelchair were made of the same metal, because why not? Lex Luthor, criminal mastermind everybody), but she's weirdly passive here. You'd think she'd already be out fighting to clear Superman's name, badgering police officers and so forth. So much of this movie happens to our protagonists. Clark's already been sad in a field, and sad in a building, and sad in a city, so now he gets to be sad on a mountain.

And look, sad dead dad is there too, giving a speech about well-intended actions having unintended negative consequences. There's no clear message here. Is Pa saying that trying to be a hero means other people will get hurt?

That having a loving relationship will assuage your guilt? You'd expect there to be some kind of turning point to this conversation, that Clark would hear what he needs to hear, either that he's doing the right thing or the wrong thing, but we don't really get that. At most, it implies that he should listen to Lois (or maybe Martha), but even that's a bit of a stretch. Martha Kent gets kidnapped, Lois Lane gets kidnapped, and Lex throws her off a building so he can ramble Theology 101 at Superman. We get confirmation that Lex's dad was abusive, which hearkens all the way back to Alfred's comment about powerlessness making men cruel. We also get confirmation that Lex knows who Batman and Superman really are, because of course he does. He's going to force Superman to kill Batman so that the public sees what a monster Superman is. For killing a guy who's already a criminal vigilante that the papers say have gone too far. He also had Martha tied up, humiliated, and photographed, for a bit of that Killing Joke flair. Superman tells Lois that he has to convince Batman to help him, or he has to die, and the first part of that would ring truer if he hadn't threatened Batman earlier. Strange doings are afoot at the Kryptonian spaceship, and Wonder Woman reads her e-mail one 18-point line at a time.

When Superman confronts Batman, he sends some mixed messages. He tries talking, admits he was wrong, says there's no time, then shoves him because why not? It's not like he's in a hurry or anything. He hits Batman for no reason except that he has to hit Batman in order to fulfill the promise of the title. He also keeps throwing Batman, when he could pretty easily restrain him in order to, you know, ask for the help he needs. Instead, he's got to win the pissing match.

The bit where Batman's punching Superman in the face until the kryptonite gas wears off is very well done. It's one of the best bits of Superman fight choreography ever on film, up there with the bullet to the eye in Superman Returns and the punch-rush-punch in the Zod battle in Man of Steel. It's also pretty great that Batman literally hits him with a kitchen sink. He tells Superman that his parents, dying in the gutter, taught him "the world only makes sense if you force it to," which seems like a good metaphor for this movie. People seem to be able to derive a lot of messages out of this film, largely because it throws a whole bunch of stuff out that's meant to seem deep even if none of them actually fit together coherently. And then "you're letting him kill Martha," which is, yes, dumb from every possible angle. Superman doesn't specify who "him" is, doesn't specify who "Martha" is (but we get some flashback sequences to remind you that Bruce Wayne's mom was also named Martha!), and this doesn't make Batman even more enraged since he got that letter earlier about how he let his family die. I do like that Lois saves Superman. And suddenly they're all bestest friends, after wasting a bunch of time in a totally avoidable way. Batman kills several people from his bulletproof plane with his giant bat-Gatling gun, kills a few more dudes in the next fight, and finally kills the Russian in a scene pulled from Dark Knight Returns. Except in Dark Knight Returns, that scene stands out as a kind of turning point for Batman, because despite how ruthless he is in battles up to that point, killing a guy with a gun is still a line he doesn't typically cross. In this movie, Batman's already used a gun in a prophetic dream sequence, and he's been cavalier about killing people already, so it's just another notch on the utility belt here.

Martha and Batman's banter is very good, though. Doomsday is born amidst Luthor's continued nonsense about killing gods, and let's talk about Doomsday for a second. My feelings on Doomsday are well-documented (and oddly similar to my feelings about Zod), but I have a soft spot for the big galoot because the Death of Superman got me into Superman comics. Doomsday, for all that he's a long-haired bone monster in bike shorts, was a distinctive monster. This version of Doomsday, on the other hand, is basically indistinguishable from trolls we've seen in Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter movies. He's slimy, he's smooth, and somehow turning into a monster gave General Zod the groin of a Ken doll. His design is totally uninteresting. Even making him into something more clearly a misshapen hybrid of Zod and Luthor would have been better than this gray hulk. He gets bony and glowy later, but it's still weirdly restrained compared to the designs we've seen in the comics. Superman saving Luthor from Doomsday's punch is one of the few moments that a recognizable Superman comes through in this movie. Doomsday has his King Kong moment, and Wonder Woman wonders if maybe her great power entails some kind of great responsibility. Superman and Doomsday get nuked because it gives the movie an excuse to do another Dark Knight Returns scene devoid of its context. Batman realizes that Doomsday is Kryptonian, so rather than flying over to the spear and returning to the uninhabited island that Doomsday currently occupies, he thinks the best plan is to lead the rampaging indestructible murder monster back through the heavily populated city whose partial destruction so traumatized him before, so he can retrieve the kryptonite spear there and kill it. These are literally the worst superheroes. Thankfully, Wonder Woman shows up to save his bacon and to improve the movie by a billion times or so with her awesome theme music. Batman mentions that the port is abandoned, in a nice illustration of how a line or two can smooth over apparent plot holes (though I suspect the buildings Doomsday heat-visioned to get at the Batwing weren't quite so unoccupied).

It's about as elegant a solution as the "Duke's alive!" dub at the end of the G.I. Joe Movie, but several scenes would have benefited from more of that. Superman does the heroic sacrifice thing, and it's more necessary than I gave it credit for the first time I saw it. Wonder Woman is occupied keeping Doomsday tied up, Batman is out of his league, and Superman's clearly struggling to do a head-on charge with the kryptonite spear, so getting around to hit it from behind isn't much of an option. Unlike the end of Man of Steel, this feels much more genuinely like there wasn't another choice, rather than like the writers painted themselves into a corner. Some black ops guys go spelunking into the Kryptonian ship to find Luthor communing (?) with Steppenwolf (???), then take him into custody, where he gets his head shaved. The Daily Planet runs with a simply godawful headline, "SUPERMAN DEAD[:] NIGHT OF TERROR MORNING OF LOSS," which leads me to believe that all the copy editors died during Zod's attack. Clark Kent also died, and the Daily Planet prints in color on interior pages, so they must be doing all right. At the memorial for Clark, Martha gives Lois an envelope Clark had sent to surprise her, and it's an engagement ring. I could quibble with the logic of this scene, but it's poignant enough to let it pass.

The dual funeral scene is done pretty well, jumping back and forth between the big to-do at what appears to be the Metropolis branch of Arlington National Cemetery, and the more understated service in Smallville. The Smallville priest does a really weird reading that's clearly about resurrection, rather than a more standard Psalm, but it's ~*~foreshadowing~*~. Bruce and Diana talk about the Avengers Initiative, and now Batman believes men can be good, and they can rebuild. He's so full of hope now. For reasons. Batman comes to visit Lex Luthor with his Bat-branding iron, and says he's going to have Lex transferred to Arkham Asylum. Lex raves about bells and another pronoun that presumably belongs to some Apokolips thing, setting up the sequel, and I'm just tired. And then the dirt levitates off of Superman's coffin. Final thoughts: I'm definitely not as angry this time around as I was walking out of the theater a year and a half ago. Whether that's because the Ultimate Edition hangs together better or because I spaced it out over the course of three days or because I knew what to expect, I really can't say. So, positives: Ben Affleck isn't bad as Batman, Henry Cavill and Amy Adams do fine with what they're given, and Wonder Woman is great. The rest? There are scenes, like Amajagh's death or the aftermath of the Zod battle, that would be improved with a single line. "I dropped him off at an Interpol office." "Superman led the rebuilding efforts." "Rubber bullets, honest." Those would be clunky telling-not-showing moments, but they could easily smooth over some of the film's bigger problems. On the other hand, we have so many unnecessary scenes, things that happen over and over, driving home muddled thematic points (power, gods, etc.) or references ("Martha," "granny's peach tea," etc.) so that even the most inattentive viewer is going to catch everything the filmmakers thought was significant. What's telling is the things they thought insignificant. The text of the movie is so preoccupied with putting a human face to the casualties of these superhero battles and the ability to decide who lives and who dies, but the visual language of the movie doesn't care about those things at all. I keep harping on Amajagh's death because it's the clearest example of this; Superman slams the guy through two stone walls, and he is never mentioned again. The text of the film suggests that Superman didn't kill anyone in the village, but we have no reason whatsoever to think that he didn't kill that guy that we definitely watched him kill. Batman is so angered by Superman's callous disregard for life, then goes hurling cars around with no regard for safety, and no justification in the plot. During that chase sequence, I had a hard time judging just how many people he killed because of the effects shots. A car that was visibly full of dudes shooting at Batman before the stunt...

...is empty immediately after.

The text of the movie is telling us about how dangerous it is to let individuals decide who lives and who dies, and real people get hurt as a consequence even to well-intentioned actions. But the visuals tell a different story, that violence is cool and bloodless, that victims of violence don't even matter enough to be shown on the receiving end of that violence, and that those who commit crimes deserve neither due process nor the continued freedom to live (unless they're good criminals like the titular protagonists). This is a problem, and this kind of dissonance subverts every message the movie is trying to send, every theme it's trying to explore. Take, for instance, the repeated, not-even-subtextual theme of power: who has it, who abuses it, and how to hold the powerful accountable. We have three powerful characters who abuse their power: Superman, Batman, and Lex Luthor. Of the three, only one is punished for it: Lex, whose punishment comes in the form of Batman continuing to abuse his power by threatening him in prison and sending him to get abused in Arkham. Batman forgives Superman for the death and destruction that followed in his wake because of his sacrifice, and he feels no need to turn himself in or moderate his actions, just to assemble an army because Marty McFlash said he should. Heck, Batman's justification for building the kryptonite arsenal and Superman trap is ludicrous even judging these characters as they are (as opposed to how the movie wants us to see them), but he's vindicated because if he'd failed to build those weapons, Lex Luthor would have destroyed the city and probably the world with his laserface murdermonster. And to what end? Lex Luthor's master plan requires him to be both a Xanatosian genius and a complete idiot. He figures out Superman and Batman's true identities, manipulates them in ways that end up being both obvious and unnecessary (unless we're meant to believe that he plants Santos's wife in the police station for Clark to meet), and all so he can turn General Zod's corpse into a monster that immediately tries to kill him? If the implication is meant to be that he's been under Apokoliptian control the whole time, it might have been a good idea to make that clear (maybe trade one of the piss jar shots for that). As it stands, it looks like Luthor's plan was to occupy Superman and Batman long enough that he could destroy the world. For a movie that clearly has ambitions of being more complex and deep and dark than your standard superhero fare, that's an incredibly cartoonish goal. And that's kind of the story of the whole movie. You can't argue that Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice isn't ambitious. It has aspirations of being deep and meaningful, of exploring the meaning of superheroes in a real world, the human costs of their battles, the responsible use of power and the methods we might use to hold the powerful accountable for their abuses. But it's not so invested in exploring these ideas that it's willing to tone down the explosions and lethal violence. It gives us two protagonists who are like parodies of the characters they're meant to be. Batman is a terrible detective who hates Superman for endangering people's lives, but who kills criminals for no reason and doesn't care who gets hurt in his crusade for his idea of justice. Superman vacillates between cavalier and passive, either using his powers with reckless abandon or asking other people what he should do but not actually coming to a position himself beyond "being Superman is dumb." He acts like saving people is a chore (much like doing his assignments for the paper), like accountability and responsibility are grave impositions on his brooding time. The movie dwells a lot on parents and the lessons we learn from them, so maybe it's intentional that our three principal male characters are all emotionally-stunted man-children who need to grow the hell up. I doubt it, though. All this wouldn't be such a problem if we weren't continually being told by the text of the film that Superman saves people and is a symbol of hope and doesn't kill, that Batman is concerned about one man having the ability to kill and using it so irresponsibly. The text of the movie is at odds with the visuals, with the world that was created in Man of Steel, and with its own larger role in building a Justice League shared universe. And none of these elements quite jive with the story that the filmmakers clearly wanted to tell. So, in the end, just as in Man of Steel, we see the villain's philosophy validated. Power isn't innocent in this world. Everyone with power in this movie is corrupt or compromised, from Amajagh to Luthor to Superman to Batman to Perry freaking White. Even Wonder Woman is tarnished a bit when you realize that, according to her stated backstory, she didn't think it necessary to fight off the alien army that tried to kryptoform the world two years back. She just spends her time going to fancy galas. There might be an interesting story to tell along those themes, about how the powerful must either be corrupted or paralyzed by their power, but the movie can't decide what it wants to be. Is it a sincere meditation on the nature of power and accountability? A smash-bang action movie built around a classic superhero fight-then-team-up? A deconstruction of superhero morality in a real-world context? A mash-up adaptation of Dark Knight Returns and the Death of Superman? An exploration of the unintended consequences and human cost of these summer blockbuster set pieces? These ideas fight for dominance, and none of them ever quite gains the upper hand. The result is this muddled, cynical mess of an action-driven film that wants to say something important but never quite figures out what. Bottom line: if you want to watch a movie that attempts to explore the "must there be a Superman" question, features some brooding, an inconsistent tone, and a great cast doing their best with a story that can't live up to its potential, I know one that gets it done in half the time: