#i think this is the most i've ever shared from this project

[urban-shade]

Here's my headcanon for Sebastian's MR-P living situation! I think I've thought up enough details that it'd make a fun post to read.

Image to tempt you to click that read more 🐠

Prerequisite information from some of the writers strawpage Q&A's: It was confirmed they have specialized showers for large MR-P's (maybe experiments in general?), and that there were others in a similar situation to Sebastian (such that they would also need a big shower like him, nothing else was confirmed)

I forgot where I got this info but the MR-P conditions have been likened to nice european prisons, so I base my headcanons off of looking up stuff about swedish and norwegian prisons

~ ~ ~

SO! We can presume that Urbanshade somewhat makes an effort to accommodate their experiment MR-P's.

With that in mind, Sebastian obviously needs a pool big enough for him to exercise in. He's been said to be very agile in water (and land) and you don't get skilled at swimming unless you've had time to practice.

(Honestly, I think it's probably a little bigger than this, I just didn't want to draw it to super accurate scale)

It'd be financially stupid to make a pool SEBASTIAN-BIG for just one guy though, so I think this is a facility-wide shared pool. At least for MR-P's and lower ranked staff like scientists, not sure if higher-ups / managers /bosses would wanna use it.

They use buoys + a retractable false bottom for the "human" part of the pool so people don't dive too deep or swim out in the middle and be harder to rescue. I don't think they would ever let humans swim in there while large experiments are using it, so experiments would need to rent out pool time, the human barriers are easily removable so they can make use of the whole space.

Since our larger experiments are using the pool, they need to shower off the chlorine/whatever chemical, so the specialized showers are nearby! In order to make sure they have easy access to the pool and showers, their living quarters would also be right outside the pool.

~ ~ ~

Finally, we get to Sebastian's cell!

I heavily based it off of this Swedish prison cell. If I ever model it everything will be true-to scale for Sebastian, but this is just a rough approximate. The doors/openings would be wide enough for his fluke to fit through.

I imagine he has some possessions to his name that he got with vouchers! 12 years is a long time, he's collected stuff. A few different outfits as well as his normal uniform, cigarettes, pens and paper for drawing/designing, sewing kit, etc. I think he likes to think up of engineering stuff and schematics at his desk, he can't really make anything but it helps him keep his mind sharp to plan out hypothetical projects.

I was thinking little origami bunnies on his shelf to remind him of zerum would be cute haha

There's a TV mounted to the wall to ensure MR-P's get announcements of their schedules and such, but in their offtime I think they could pop in VHS's or VD's into a little wall receptacle to watch. I think there's probably a limited library for MR-P's where he can rent out books, maybe films/tv with vouchers? I don't think MR-P's would get internet access at all, so in what free time Sebastian has, his entertainment is limited.

I'm not entirely sure what the selection would be like, Urbanshade wouldn't want to have anything that inspires revolution (like real life prisons.. 😓), which cuts out most fun action movies lol. I was thinking it'd be funny if it was largely movies Mr Shade likes.. like old B&W cowboy and samurai movies.

~ ~ ~

Side tangent about the library and what he gets up to in his free time, I think he's learned a few skills through guide books

Looking at his clothes, I think he is most likely modifying his clothing himself. The stitches are large and uneven, which can be inferred he has to use big leather needles and thick/leather thread since his hands are too big to use normal ones comfortably (yes I think this is just a stylistic choice for the model so it looks nice and so the stitches are visible, but it's fun to read into things way too much)

I might finish this comic later but I think he sewed the opening on his poet shirt more closed because he didn't like that his chest was so exposed haha

~ ~ ~

Back to my final headcanon about his room

For his bed, I think he has a regular decent quality prison bed, but super sized and a bit wider than a human bed. (Reinforced as well since he's heavy)

It's big enough for him to sleep with his tail half folded, or to sleep in a big pile, but not stretched all the way out. (I think sleeping completely straight would feel weird for him.. snake instincts Do Not like it)

He had to make his blanket himself. He's had his standard issue blanket since his LR-P days, and it was "big enough" for his fish self that Urbanshade didn't bother getting him a bigger one. So over time he's added to it with other blankets he's managed to get his hands on.

Anyways hope this was an enjoyable read i think way too much about pressure

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Fans can be so funny sometimes. (Myself included.)

[infiniteglitterfall]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

[heliosunny]

okay.. one.. YOU'RE GENUINELY THE BEST WRITER ON THIS PLATFORM I THINK I'VE READ EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.. two, a yandere phainon with a SO that keeps pushing him away due to thinking he's way too good for them, like moving countries typa pushing him away, just telling him like.. "You deserve someone way better, you're just misguided!".. etc

No Escape

Yandere!Phainon x Reader

The first time you saw Phainon, he was standing at the top of the academy’s marble steps, a faint breeze teasing at his silver hair as he spoke to someone important-looking. Even in a place filled with prodigies and elites, he stood out. Meanwhile, you were just another nameless student in the sea of faces, struggling to keep up in a world that never seemed to slow down.

You never expected to cross paths with him. But fate had a cruel sense of humor.

A few shared classes. A single partnered project. Then, somehow, Phainon kept appearing—offering to help you with assignments, walking with you between lessons, seeking you out in the crowded dining hall when he had a thousand better people to sit with. His attention was overwhelming.

You tried to brush it off as politeness. He had no reason to be interested in you. Maybe he pitied you. Maybe he was just nice to everyone. But no matter how much you convinced yourself of that, Phainon never looked at anyone else the way he looked at you.

It was supposed to be a simple experiment. A foundational potion—one that even first-years could brew without issue. Yet, somehow, you had still managed to mess it up.

The classroom was thick with the scent of crushed herbs and simmering liquids, cauldrons bubbling softly as students carefully followed the professor’s instructions. You and Phainon had been paired together, much to your dismay. Not because he was unpleasant—far from it. But because standing beside someone like him only highlighted how out of place you were.

“Careful” Phainon murmured as you reached for the powdered moonroot. “That’s starshade. If you mix that in, the potion will—”

A single spoonful of the wrong ingredient hit the potion’s surface before he could finish his warning. The liquid instantly turned a sickly green before erupting into a thick, foul-smelling smoke.

Coughing, you stumbled backward, barely able to make out Phainon’s silhouette through the haze. Around the room, other students were staring, some laughing, some groaning from second-hand embarrassment.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole.

When the smoke cleared, the professor pinched the bridge of her nose before marking something down on her clipboard. “Another failure” she sighed, shaking her head. “Mr. Phainon, I expected better.”

You glanced at him, feeling guilt twist in your gut. It wasn’t his fault—you were the one who had messed up. But Phainon merely smiled, completely unfazed. “Mistakes are part of learning”

If failing potions class was humiliating, then physical training was an absolute nightmare.

Magic broom exercises were a staple at the academy—a mix of aerial maneuvering and endurance meant to build both magical and physical control. For most students, it was exhilarating. For you, it was just another opportunity to fall flat on your face. Literally.

“Just kick off the ground lightly” Phainon instructed, hovering effortlessly beside you as if it was the easiest thing in the world. “Let the magic flow through you.”

That was easy for him to say.

Still, you grit your teeth and tried. The broom wobbled violently the moment your feet left the ground, and before you could steady yourself, it twisted sideways. You yelped as gravity took over, sending you crashing back onto the training field.

The instructor let out a long-suffering sigh. The other students snickered.

Phainon, of course, landed smoothly beside you, offering his hand. “Are you hurt?”

You groaned, rolling onto your back to stare at the sky instead of meeting his gaze. “Just my pride.”

There was a soft chuckle, and then—before you could stop him—Phainon crouched down and plucked a stray leaf from your hair.

“You’re improving” he said, completely sincere.

You gave him a skeptical look. “I literally just fell on my face.”

“You lasted two seconds longer this time.” His smile was slight but warm. “That’s progress.”

Something in your chest tightened. It was the way he looked at you—like you weren’t a failure, like he actually believed in you.

----

“You’re avoiding me”

You forced a smile, pretending not to feel the weight of his presence. “I’m just busy.”

“No, you’re not.”

You exhaled, shoulders tensing. “Phainon, you don’t understand. You shouldn’t be wasting your time with me.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because you deserve better,” you blurted out, frustration bleeding into your tone. “You deserve someone extraordinary, someone who belongs in your world—not me.”

A slow silence stretched between you.

“You think I don’t know what I want?”

“You’ll realize it one day.”

“I already have.” He stepped closer, “You’re the only thing I’ve ever been certain of.”

That was the problem.

Because one day, he would see the truth.

And that’s why you had to leave.

The village was quiet. Tucked away in a valley where the mountains shielded it from the outside world, where magic was nothing more than a story told to children before bed.

Here, you weren’t a failure. You weren’t a disappointment. You weren’t anything but yourself.

The people welcomed you easily enough. A newcomer with no past, no baggage—just willing hands and a desire to work. You took on whatever jobs you could. Fetching water, helping at the bakery, tending to the fields when the farmers needed an extra hand. It was hard work, but it was yours.

And best of all, Phainon wasn’t here.

Time moved differently in the village. The days stretched long beneath golden sunlight, the nights cool and filled with the sounds of crickets and rustling leaves. Slowly, the tension in your chest unraveled.

For the first time in years, you could breathe.

You stopped thinking about magic. Stopped thinking about what you left behind.

The village had become home. Years had passed since you arrived, and with time, you molded yourself into the life here, into the rhythm of simplicity. No one here knew of magic—no one needed to. You had left that world behind.

Until the day you were forced to use it again.

It was supposed to be a normal afternoon. You stood knee-deep in the river, feeling the gentle current brush against your legs as you worked to catch fish for dinner. The sun was warm, the air filled with the laughter of children playing nearby.

Then, a scream.

You turned just in time to see a boy, no older than six, trip over the edge of the riverbank. His friends gasped as he tumbled forward, the steep drop giving him no chance to stop himself before he plunged straight into the deeper part of the river.

The current was too strong. The boy’s small body disappeared beneath the surface, water swallowing his cries.

No one here could swim well enough to save him in time.

No one, except you.

But swimming alone wasn’t enough. By the time you got to him, it would be too late.

The promise you made to yourself—to never use magic again—shattered.

Without thinking, you raised your hand.

A whisper of energy, long buried, surged through your veins. The river stilled in an instant, the currents bending to your will. The water lifted, forming a controlled wave that carried the boy gently back to the shore, setting him down safely on the grass.

The children hadn’t spoken a word.

You had made sure of that.

After pulling them aside, you crouched down, “You can’t tell anyone what you saw. Not your parents, not your friends—no one. This is our little secret, alright?”

They had nodded, still wide-eyed from the miracle they had just witnessed. Thankfully, kids loved secrets. They thought of it as a game, something special just between you and them. For now, your peace was intact.

Or so you thought.

The next morning, you made your way back to the river, hoping to clear your mind. Maybe even push down the unease still twisting in your stomach. But as you approached, you froze.

Someone else was there.

And not just anyone. Him

Phainon sat comfortably on a fallen log, watching the children with a small, amused smile as they chattered excitedly around him. He looked out of place among them- too refined, like a painting come to life. And yet, he somehow blended in so effortlessly, laughing at their stories, ruffling their hair like an older brother would.

As if sensing your presence, he looked up. The moment his gaze met yours, time itself seemed to halt.

His expression softened, “Oh?” He rose to his feet, brushing off nonexistent dust from his coat. “I was beginning to think you’d never show up.”

You took a step back instinctively, but he was already approaching.

“You look well” he murmured, eyes scanning you as if memorizing every detail. “This place suits you.”

“Phainon…”

“How…?” The question barely made it past your lips.

“How did I find you?” he finished for you, his smile deepening. “Come now, you know the answer to that.”

Of course, you did. He had never been the type to let go of something he wanted.

“Why are you here?” you asked, though you already knew.

“To take you back.”

The children, blissfully unaware of the weight in the air, tugged at his sleeve, asking if he would play another round of their game. He chuckled, indulging them for just a moment longer before returning his attention to you.

“I’ve been very patient” he said, “But you’ve had your fun, haven’t you? A few years of pretending to be someone else, living a quiet life in hiding.”

He stepped closer, lowering his voice just enough that only you could hear.

“But you belong with me.”

You swallowed hard, willing yourself to stay calm. The river murmured beside you, its steady rhythm grounding you against the storm that had just arrived in your life.

“I’m not going back” you said, keeping your voice even. “I built a life here. A normal, happy life.”

Phainon hummed as if considering your words, but the knowing glint in his eyes never faded. “A happy life, is it?” He glanced around at the quiet village in the distance, at the carefree children still playing near the water. “I see. It’s charming. Simple. Safe.” His gaze flickered back to you, sharper now. “But is it really yours?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’ve been pretending.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Haven’t you?” He stepped closer, and you resisted the urge to back away. “You came here running, hiding, trying to erase the parts of yourself that didn’t fit into this little picture-perfect village. But you can’t change who you are.”

“Even if I wanted to return—which I don’t—you’re not just expecting me to go back to that world, to the academy, to the annoying people?” You studied him, searching for an answer you already knew. “You want me to stay by your side.”

You exhaled, “I deserve to be where I choose.”

“Then prove it.”

“…What?”

Phainon gestured around, as if presenting the village itself. “You say you belong here. That this life is what you truly want. So, I’ll stay.” He smiled, voice light but unmistakably firm. “I’ll see it for myself.”

“If you’re right,” he continued smoothly, “then I’ll leave. I’ll never bring this up again.”

A lump formed in your throat. You knew him too well—Phainon never agreed to something without confidence in the outcome.

“But if I’m right…Then you’re coming home with me.”

“Fine.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

----

Phainon blended in effortlessly.

He smiled at the villagers, greeted them politely, and answered their curious questions with practiced ease. They saw a charming, well-mannered traveler—someone elegant yet approachable, someone who belonged in the outside world but was humble enough to appreciate their quiet life.

But you knew better. Every kind word, every gentle laugh, every playful interaction with the children—it was all a mask. A carefully crafted act.

Because beneath that smile, Phainon hated them.

He hated the way they spoke to you like you were one of them. Hated the way they relied on you, trusted you, called you their own. Hated that you had given them years of your life—years that should have been his.

And worst of all, he hated that you thought they were your home.

You kept a close eye on him as he spent his first day in the village.

He helped an elderly woman carry a basket of vegetables from the market. Listened to the local blacksmith talk about his craft with genuine-seeming interest. Even played with the children again, letting them tug at his sleeves and drag him into their games.

And yet, you could see it.

The slight hesitation before he let them touch him. The way his fingers twitched, as if suppressing the urge to recoil. The empty warmth in his voice when he praised them.

To anyone else, he was nothing but kind.

His patience was razor-thin.

This was a test—for you, for them.

He was waiting. Waiting for the moment you would finally realize what he already knew. That these people weren’t your home. That this place wasn’t enough for you.

Later that evening, as the sun dipped into the horizon, you found Phainon sitting outside the small cottage you called home. He looked up at you with a smile, a book resting on his lap.

“How was your day?” he asked, as if this was normal, as if he hadn’t just invaded the life you built.

“I should be asking you that.”

He chuckled. “The village is… charming.”

“They’re good people” you said carefully.

“Are they?”... I’ll admit, it’s impressive how long you lasted here”

You clenched your jaw. “I’m still here.”

“For now.”

----

The scent of fresh flowers filled the small shop, delicate petals brushing against your fingers as you arranged the newest bouquet. It was peaceful here—one of the few places in the village where you could find solace. A quiet, colorful haven where no one expected too much from you.

But today, peace was a fleeting thing.

Because Phainon was here.

Seated gracefully near the counter, he idly turned a flower between his fingers, the picture of effortless charm. The sunlight filtering through the window caught the silver strands of his hair, highlighting the striking contrast of his sharp, elegant features.

And, of course, the ladies noticed.

They had been stopping by all morning, some of them customers, others just looking for an excuse to linger. They giggled, twirled strands of their hair, asked far too many questions about him.

Phainon, as always, indulged them.

He smiled, listened with amused interest, even complimented them in that smooth, easy tone of his. It was effortless—just like back in the academy days, when people gravitated toward him like moths to a flame.

You exhaled sharply, setting down the bouquet you had been working on.

“I must say” one of the women giggled, resting a hand on the counter as she looked at Phainon through her lashes, “you don’t seem like a traveler at all. You carry yourself like someone of noble blood.”

Phainon chuckled, twirling the flower in his hand. “Do I?”

You didn’t miss the amusement in his tone.

If only they knew.

Another woman leaned closer, lowering her voice. “Are you staying long? It would be a shame if someone like you just disappeared.”

“I suppose that depends.”

His gaze flickered toward you for just a second—so brief no one else would’ve caught it. But you did.

Your fingers tightened around the bouquet’s stems.

He wanted to see how you would react. If you would push him away. If you would feel something. So you said nothing. You grabbed a pair of scissors, focused on trimming the leaves, and ignored him entirely.

The women kept fawning over him, unaware of the silent tension beneath the surface. And through it all, Phainon smiled.

But you knew him too well.

Beneath that easy charm, there was something sharper. A quiet, unspoken warning.

By the third day, the village had fully embraced Phainon as a welcome guest. His charm and helpful demeanor had won over the villagers, and they spoke of him with admiration. But beneath his courteous exterior, a storm was brewing.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the village, Phainon approached you with a serene smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"It's time to end this charade"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Return with me, or face the consequences."

Swallowing your fear, you shook your head. "I won't go back. This is my home now."

Phainon's smile faded entirely, replaced by a cold, calculating expression. "Very well."

Without another word, he raised his hand, and a surge of energy crackled through the air. Flames erupted from the thatched roof of a nearby cottage, quickly spreading as villagers screamed and scrambled to extinguish the fire.

"Stop!" you cried, reaching out instinctively.

Phainon turned to you, his eyes devoid of mercy. "This is just the beginning. For every day you refuse to come with me, more of this village will burn."

Tears blurred your vision as you watched the chaos unfold. The people who had taken you in, who had become your family, were now suffering because of you.

"Please," you whispered, voice trembling. "Don't hurt them."

He stepped closer, gently cupping your face with a hand that had just wrought destruction. "Then make the right choice. Come with me, and they will be spared."

Defeated and broken, you nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks. "I'll go with you."

"Good. We leave at dawn."

As he walked away, you fell to your knees, the weight of your decision crushing your spirit. The village would survive, but at the cost of your freedom.

The journey back was quiet.

You sat beside Phainon in the carriage, staring out the window as the village faded into the distance. A hollow ache settled in your chest, your hands clenched into fists against your lap.

You had fought so hard to stay. To build something for yourself.

And yet, here you were.

Dragged back to the place you ran from.

The silence was suffocating, but Phainon seemed completely at ease. He sat comfortably across from you.

Finally, you exhaled sharply, unable to hold it in any longer. “Why?”

He tilted his head slightly. “Why what?”

“Why me? You’re—you’re Phainon. Talented. Admired.” You forced yourself to look at him. “You could have anyone. People worship the ground you walk on. So why are you wasting your time with someone like me?”

For a brief moment, Phainon simply studied you, as if the question itself was absurd.

“You truly don’t understand, do you?”

“Understand what?”

“You are mine. You were meant to be by my side.”

“That’s not—”

“You say I could have anyone.” His smile widened, amusement glinting in his eyes. “You’re right. But I don’t want anyone else.”

His grip on your wrist tightened ever so slightly, enough to make your pulse spike.

“I want you.”

Phainon exhaled through his nose, his usual composed demeanor slipping just a little.

“You always do this” he murmured, shaking his head as if disappointed. “You keep pushing me away like I’m some foolish child chasing after something fleeting.”

His fingers slid away from your wrist.

“I thought you understood me better than that.”

“I don’t understand you at all.”

Phainon’s lips pressed into a thin line. He leaned back against the seat, regarding you with something unreadable.

“Do you remember,” he started, “that day in the alchemy class? When you nearly blew us both up?”

“What…?”

“You misread the measurements, mixed the wrong ingredients.” His gaze darkened, but there was no malice in it. Just something strangely… fond. “And instead of panicking, instead of trying to shift the blame like most people would, you just—” He let out a quiet, breathy chuckle. “You just looked at me with guilt and then laughed to brush it off.”

You had laughed. Not because it was funny, but because you were so used to failing.

“That was the first time in years someone had laughed with me. Not to impress me. Not to get my attention.”

You glanced away, unsure what to say.

But Phainon wasn’t finished.

“And then there was that time during flight practice.” He tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowing. “You were terrible.”

Your lips parted, indignant. “I wasn’t that bad—”

“You crashed into a tree.”

You winced. Okay, maybe you were that bad.

Phainon exhaled, rubbing his temple. “I should have been annoyed. It was a waste of time, and you dragged me down with you.” He lowered his hand, his eyes locking onto yours again. “But instead, I found myself fascinated.”

“Wait- Why?”

His lips parted, then closed again, as if choosing his words carefully. And then, finally—

“Because you weren’t afraid to be imperfect.”

“You struggled. You failed. You made mistakes.” His voice was quieter now, but no less intense. “But you never let that stop you. You never pretended to be something you weren’t.”

“I grew up surrounded by people who only showed me what they thought I wanted to see. People who wore their own masks, desperate to be flawless, desperate to be noticed.” His jaw clenched. “But you… you never tried to be anything but yourself.”

His fingers curled slightly, as if resisting the urge to reach for you.

“And I—” He exhaled, almost shakily. “I couldn’t look away.”

The carriage fell into silence.

The weight of Phainon’s confession hung between you, suffocating in its intensity. His words should have meant something—should have been enough to prove he wasn’t just chasing an illusion.

And yet, your hands still trembled in your lap.

Because no matter how much he thought he loved you—

It was still wrong.

“So what?” you whispered, voice hoarse. “Just because you like those things about me, you think that justifies everything?”

Phainon’s brows furrowed slightly.

“You burned my home, Phainon.” You clenched your jaw, trying to keep the anger from breaking into something weaker. “You threatened innocent people just to get me back. That isn’t love. That’s—”

His hand lashed out, gripping your wrist before you could recoil. Not hard enough to hurt, but firm enough that you felt the unspoken don’t you dare finish that sentence.

His usual composed mask cracked—just slightly, just enough to reveal something darker beneath the surface.

“I did what I had to do.” His voice was quiet, almost calm, but there was a tremor beneath it. A barely-contained storm. “You left me. You threw yourself away like you were nothing. Like we were nothing.” His fingers tightened, just a fraction. “And I wasn’t going to stand by and let that happen.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make.”

“Wasn’t it?”

His other hand came up, brushing against your cheek—“You think I could just let you go? Just sit back and watch while you buried yourself in a life that was never meant for you?”

His fingers curled, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to look into his eyes.

“You think I could ever be okay with that?”

Your throat went dry. Because this was it. The moment he stopped pretending.

“You belong with me.” His voice dropped lower, “You always have. And I don’t care how long it takes—how much you fight, how many times you try to run.”

He leaned in, his breath ghosting against your skin.

“I will always bring you back.”

You knew you couldn’t fight him head-on—not now, not when he was stronger, more prepared. But you had to try.

So you made your move.

With a sharp twist of your wrist, magic surged through your veins. The carriage around you blurred, the air crackling as you poured everything into a single desperate spell— Escape.

The moment your body flickered out of existence, you reappeared outside, stumbling onto the forest road. You didn’t wait. You ran.

Twigs snapped beneath your feet as you pushed forward, lungs burning. The wind howled past your ears, the distant hoot of an owl the only sound in the otherwise eerie silence.

A presence loomed behind you.

A hand seized your wrist.

Your entire body jerked backward as a grip yanked you off your feet. A sharp gasp tore from your throat as you collided with something solid.

The scent of embers and something faintly sweet filled your senses.

“Really now,” Phainon’s voice drawled “Did you honestly think you could get away?”

You thrashed, kicking, clawing—anything to loosen his hold—

But his grip only tightened, effortlessly caging you against him.

“You already knew how this would end.”

“No—! Put me down—!”

“Now, now,” Phainon mused, carrying you effortlessly through the forest as if you weren’t fighting him with every ounce of your strength. “If you didn’t resist this much…”

His fingers trailed up your back, sending a sharp chill through you.

“I’d go easy on you.”

The moment Phainon’s home came into view, dread twisted in your stomach. The towering walls loomed over you, the polished stone gleaming beneath the moonlight. Once, this place had simply been part of the academy grounds. Now, it felt more like a prison.

And you were being dragged back inside.

The heavy doors shut behind you with a thud that might as well have been the slamming of a cage. Phainon finally set you down, but his grip never left your wrist. You yanked at it instinctively, but he only pulled you closer, forcing you to face him.

“You’ve tired yourself out,” he murmured, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face as if you weren’t staring at him in outright defiance. “You should rest.”

“I don’t want to rest. I want to leave.”

“And where would you go? Back to that village?” A quiet scoff. “Do you think they’d still want you after what happened?”

He was wrong. They wouldn’t blame you. They couldn’t. But his words still wormed their way into your thoughts, planting doubt where there shouldn’t have been any.

“You see? There’s nowhere else for you, love. The world out there doesn’t deserve you. It never did.”

Your hands trembled. “That doesn’t mean you do.”

“You can fight me” he murmured. “You can scream, run, struggle. But it won’t change anything. Because in the end, I will always find you.”

“I will always bring you back.”

And as he leaned in, his lips barely a breath away from your ear, he whispered—

“So stop making this harder than it needs to be.”

[kianamaiart]

Hey hey! You’ve probably been asked this a lot but what made you want to start creating I Don’t Want To Be A Magical Girl?

Also I drew Akia in my style!

Hope you’re having a great day btw ! :0)

First of all this is so rad!!! I loooove how you drew her

And what made me want to make I Don't Want to be a Magical Girl... It was a lot of things! (im assuming you mean the pilot in general)

The idea started off as a stupid doodle/character design practice. It wasn't gonna be anything more than that. I just felt like drawing a cute character with a gun really hahaha.

It's not a particularly original premise and I didn't plan to do anything more with her (as I do with most of my ocs/designs). But I actually did really like this one and couldn't help but think of little ideas and scenarios with her. Things started ramping up in my brain more when I realized I could attach a personal story and personal experiences to it to make it feel less cliche. That's when I started designing the other characters and coming up with bios and stuff

And then that was gonna be it again. I'd maybe do a comic here and there but there was a combination of things that happened that led to me jumping in and making a pilot.

First of all, I had a two month hiatus coming up so I had so much time. I also decided to step down from my directors position to be a board artist again in the coming season. So I really wanted to get some storyboarding practice in and what better way to do that than with this character I ended up really liking? I also don't have a portfolio and I'd been wanting to make something that's very me rather than my work from an existing show.

I'd offhandedly mentioned to my editor at disney that I wanted to do a board for these characters and she told me she'd help me make an animatic if it ever came to that. I couldn't pass up that opportunity! Now, since it was gonna be an animatic and I didn't want it to just be my scratch, I reached out to a bunch of VA friends to see if they'd be interested and they were!

Then other than having that support, just seeing my friends work on their own personal projects has been really inspiring and made me want to also do my own thing! Me and my friend group had just made a whole video game for our friend as a bday present which was so creatively fulfilling and made me realize like "oh my god we're artists we can literally just make stuff".

In the past I'd been so afraid to share my original work and for similar fears I've never wanted to showrun despite having the opportunity to pitch. While it's flattering to be wanted there was this pressure that felt like "oh you HAVE to make something, you're wasting your talent otherwise." (lol this is ironically the thesis of idwtbamg). And as a qpoc, i'd felt this extra layer of pressure to have to make something perfect on all fronts because if i fail in any capacity, i'm failing my community. it'd just be another another reason for people to say "ah queer media and work centering poc just can't succeed." then on the other end, i can only do and write what i know and feared that other people in my community wouldn't resonate with it or would feel like it's inaccurate to their own experiences.

but that's an exhausting way to feel and i've finally decided for myself that i'm just gonna tell stories that are authentic to me and it will reach whoever it needs to reach~ this realization was kind of the final step i needed to push myself to go all in. and now we're here!

[bunnwich]

HELLO! Do you have a summary of how you portray Leona's personality in your stories? I'm a big fan of your Leona and Yuu stories and I've read them multiple times www /gen I always feel like you just nail how he would act and say things and you inspire me to work on my own fics and get better at writing scenarios with him. Than you in advance ily🙏 🦉anon

How I Portray Leona in General and in Romance

HI ANON! So I've gotten this question a few times and someone in my discord asked me basically the same thing so I'll share with you what I wrote a few months ago about Leona and the general way I write him. (it's quite funny bc a lot of these things come up in Chapter 7 when we see his dream. I AM CURSED WITH APOLLOS'S GIFT OF PROPHECY WITH THIS MAN ISTG)

I hope this is helpful?? I would like to point out that the way I write Leona is fully based on my biases and life experiences. And that a big part of fandom is projecting what you wanna see in characters while still making them feel like the same character we know in canon, yk? Good luck with your fic writing! And thank you!! mwah mwah.💚 --

So Leona takes himself as a direct person, BUT he hides A LOT. He purposely misdirects people to get a reaction out of them. (Ex: pretending to be incompetent to anger someone) or he's playing with them. HE LOVES GAMES. Everyone is a chess piece, he has to feel in control bc that’s all he has ever had over everyone else; his wits. He’s a dickhead. He will say offensive shit to scare people off.

It’s a test to see who sticks around. He has no reservations when it comes to this. You take him as he is. And despite how some people write him he’s kinda silly? Like dad jokes. Why does he joke so much about eating people, who knows? (He says shit like Namby-pamby ffs) Why are you a 40y/o in a 20 y/o body?

I HC he purposely talks casually and gruff to distance himself from his upbringing. (I like to mix proper language and slang with him bc it feels right? Also lots of animal puns, and nicknames. HE'S CORNY AF)

In general, I don't think Leona is an entirely romantic person in canon, however in my timeline, I do HC that he, like Scar has this “want vs need problem” with connection to others. He thinks it's just praise he wants (or to be king) BUT he NEEDS TLC. What was Scar MOST jealous of at the end of the day?? Mufasa’s connections, a ✨queen✨, a family! BEING KING DID NOT MAKE SCAR HAPPY!! He needs to be needed and in Chapter 2 novella, he admits he HAS to numb himself to not care. I feel like this is something he constantly battles with. Yeah, he's lazy but it's partly bc he’s tired. He’s burnt out.

On the surface, he projects 100% nonchalance. He wants you to think everything he says is just "off the cuff", but it's not. He plans everything!!! He’s a mentor, big bro, caretaker. He is not the best at comforting words but he enjoys being a leader bc people appreciate him and look up to him. Something he never got at home.

Leona and ✨Romance✨

He fools himself into thinking he has the upper hand at first and keeps his distance keeping an eye on the object of his affection. Why would you catch his eye? Well, his greatest strength is picking up on OTHER STRENGTHS. Chessmaster. He is a mentorrrr and caretaker lowkey, he wants others to NEED him and rely on him. HE WANTS YOU TO NEED HIM.

At first, he would place himself in your path, trying to be helpful in a very tsundere type way. But he would still be causal and keep ruffling your feathers to gauge how you feel for him. He guards his heart pretty heavily. And more and more he is slowly collecting info about you he would find more ways for these meetings to happen until he realizes: "Oh shit, I’ve caught feelings." This one is the winner. He’s the king of nonchalance but also...he’s a very overly sensitive person. No doubt he’s freaking out a little, he doesn't wanna screw this up. But, he’d never show it.

I do think he wants to be challenged and given some pushback (insert manga panel about "something being harder to get and therefore is better"), He wants to WORK for it, to prove himself to you that you SHOULD choose him. He wants to impress you. It makes him feel alive. A person who keeps him on his toes.

And once this ”game” of cat and mouse starts to happen. He might start to let his guard down if you are shown you can be trusted with his VERY VERY delicate feelings, that you DO accept his flaws, treat him differently than all others, and see past his gruff demeanor. It is a test of sorts. He is testing that you can “handle” him. MORE GAMES.

He’d let you set the pace though. He won't be the first to give in. To kiss you or confess first. But he would fall first HARD. He’s not been given much one-on-one attention in his life so he would crave that time with you. Physical touch is a big one, but he would not be pushy. He'd tease your boundaries and become addicted to your time together.

But yeah, this push and pull goes on for a while, all the while he’s gauging how you react to this. Memorizing it all.

He’s def one of those texters who erases their sentence like 5 times when they are nervous bc he is cookin' up the RIGHT response to endear you. (Not in a sappy way of course more in a: “I know you miss me, mouse.” snarky sorta way.) Though he can be self-deprecating on bad days. He’ll act confident, though soften up behind closed doors.

I think once he realizes that you have picked up on his simpery and there's no going back...all bets are off. He doubles down, no longer ashamed of hiding it. (Assuming at this point the person has reciprocated these feelings too!) He wants to be yours and he’s not subtle. Someone to be by his side.

Then you get the REAL simp Leona, who lowkey mumbles the sappiest shit to you in his native language when he holds you, (bc he’s still embarrassed to be vulnerable, though this will fade over time) He’ll be your biggest supporter, and wants you around him as much as you can be.

This just keeps going until you're married. Congrats you now have a lion to take care of forever.🦁 Hope this helps!✨

[somewhereincairparavel]

Annabeth Chase and Jason Grace - two sides of the same coin, an analysis post.

after a long wait, I've finally posted my analysis on jason/annabeth being similar, and mirroring eachother as rivals/potential sibling figures more than percy/jason's 'bro rivalry', based on this post of mine which has crossed over a THOUSAND notes in the last week alone, and I've been getting so many reblogs and comments asking me to expand on my tags in that post and do a full analysis. so here it is. I've been procrastinating this for quite a while now for some reason but I'm glad I'm over my writer's block and I got to articulate my post well enough.

annabeth and jason have had very minor interactions throughout hoo, but the parallels and similarities in their character is jarringly noticeable, which is why I hoped for a jason/annabeth rivalry and not a percy/jason rivalry. they've both been raised at their respective camps since they were literal kids, they were well versed in their respective fields of knowledge, and were well respected/intimidated in their camps.

let's start off with the lost hero

when jason first meets annabeth, he says that her eyes were really intimidating and fierce, so right off the bat, we have jason who's pretty put off by annabeth because she very obviously looked angry, especially since she was frustrated about jason's arrival instead of percy, and looked like she could kill jason to get percy back.

-----------------------------------------------

this parallels to a lot when hazel kept going on about how difficult it was to warm up to jason because his eyes were always calculating and cold, and he gave off an untrustworthy vibe, that he'd sacrifice anyone for the sake of the mission.

both annabeth and jason have a certain similar ‘look’ in their eyes, which have nothing to do with the color. they both have the tendency to make people nervous simply with their eyes, because they always look like they're thinking of new things every few seconds. Ironically, jason first perceived annabeth, the way everyone else perceived him. scary and intimidating with an icy glare and hardened eyes.

They were both said to be ‘studying’ each other in distrust many times throughout. A part of why they didn't trust each other, was, in my opinion, because they embodied their least favorite shared personality trait of each other, secretiveness and guardedness. which is why annabeth got on so well with percy, and jason with leo/piper.

they didn't admire the closed off-ish vibe that they gave eachother. they both needed people who were open and carefree.annabeth said that jason looked like he knew too much information, but chose to keep it all a secret, very similar to her own guardedness from time to time, keeping it a secret and wanting to deal with it silently.

we also know that annabeth and jason are extremely knowledgeable in greek/roman mythology, they both love debates and were quite passionate about history. they were both assigned architecture projects by the gods themselves as a mark of honor and favour.

moving on to the next most important point, they reminded eachother of the people they missed, causing them to feel resentful.

jason, barely met his sister after they reunited. he was bitter when thalia said he had to go look for percy to help out annabeth with the search. he was aware that thalia and annabeth were childhood friends, getting closer to eachother than jason and thalia ever did. she found a home in luke and annabeth, not even a few months after baby jason was thought to be ‘dead’, that knowledge would've weighed a lot on jason. annabeth became the sibling to thalia grace that jason could never be.

while annabeth? the only thing annabeth thought of, after jason had a face off with his mother's remnant in boo, was the fact that jason, who looks eerily similar to luke, could've experienced the exact same fate as him. luke was jason if he had more wrath and held grudges, jason was luke if he had less anger and resentment. annabeth could connect the dots so easily, and that was truly the moment where she gained immense respect for him.

and, when jason told annabeth that his sister was thalia? she had a very odd sort of expression on her face.

annabeth also quotes that looking at jason made her feel bitter, because he reminded her of heras exchange, and the fact that she lost percy for months. whenever she looked at jason, she would only see her two childhood friends, a found family that was broken, and a love that was challenged.

whenever jason looked at annabeth, he would be reminded that thalia had a closer contact to her than she did jason, and had to accept that he would never know thalia as much as annabeth does.

annabeth and jason also appear very confident and sure of themselves, but have second thoughts all the time. they had to put on a fake facade, to live up to their expectations and lineage.

they were both also sort of people pleasers, annabeth couldn't really say no to anyone who asked her for help with things, like carrying the sky for luke especially, because not only where they giving her a chance to execute her knowledge and skill, the thought of helping someone made her genuinely happy. jason also loved seeing people happy, always wanting to say the right thing to satisfy someone, even if it meant he had to sacrifice his own struggles to help them.

fatal flaws:

annabeth’s fatal flaw, is hubris. when you are confident and sure that you can do something, and have a sense of excessive self pride.

and jason's fatal flaw is the temptation to deliberate. hesitation and second guessing, to put it in simpler words.both fatal flaws are so different, yet so similar, and they have both flaws, just in a different viewpoint.

as a child of athena, annabeth appears super confident and even conceding at times because of her wisdom, but at the same time, annabeth had to make sure she was one step ahead of everyone. she had to rethink everything and had to have a plan in her mind all the time, fearing that things wouldn't go smoothly.

she had to hesitate and second guess herself alot, despite her knowledge, like she did when she knew she had to look for the mark of athena. piper and percy had to boost up her confidence with affirmations, to let her know she's on the right path and to just follow her gut. annabeth feels obligated to have a temptation to deliberate, because, as a child of athena, she has to be all knowing and wise, and most definitely cannot fail her mother.

and jason? despite having a very low sense of self esteem and hesitation, he was so used to leading the people who were considered slightly inferior to him in camp jupiter, and basically getting treated like a celebrity for 12 years of his life in camp jupiter, that often, he thought what he did was right, he had his own perception of what a hero should be, and I quote

[“No, no,” Jason said. “I made my choice. You’re not to blame. You don’t owe me anything except to remember what I said. Remember what’s important.” “You’re important,” I said. “Your life!”Jason tilted his head. “I mean… sure. But if a hero isn’t ready to lose everything for a greater cause, is that person really a hero?”He weighted the word person subtly, as if to stress it could mean a human, a faun, a dryad, a griffin, a pandos… even a god”- Tower of Nero]

which was normal, since he had everyone basically following his lead without question as a kid. he's expanded on this in his conversation with piper in mark of athena, where he said he felt weird to suddenly be around people who were either equal/or superior to him in power, and not being in the ‘lead’ particularly.

jason had hubris, but certainly not in a way that you would call it an ego or excessive pride. he was hardwired and brainwashed into having his own perception of what is right and what is wrong, that he thought he was always making good enough decisions, at least from a roman child soldier’s standpoint. [Like when he was okay with not saving nico because it might sabotage their mission, he genuinely didn't think what he said was insensitive until hazel called him out, because he was brought up that way. he thought he was doing the right thing, by prioritising the mission and the duty, first. Like the dutiful roman he was made to be].

both annabeth and jason, have hubris and a temptation to deliberate.

annabeth and jason, also had an extremely difficult time breaking free from the thoughts that their godly parents were always right. It took on alot of disappointments for both of them to stand up to their parents (and not just godly ones, mind you)

they've both had disappointing absent mortal and godly parents with a hostile stepmother involved and monitored with each and every one of their moves. annabeth has had to deal with her stepmother playing the ‘bad cop’ with her father not even coming to her defence, just the way hera came butting into jason's life and giving him terrible memories, taking him away from thalia, with zeus not even caring.

speaking of which, they are both the only demigods who have harboured the most amount of resentment for hera. just the sight of hera pisses them both off, as it hera, stripped off so much time away from annabeth and percy, and memories from jason, which he never permanently got back.

this is sort of irrelevant but I'll add this anyway, in boo, athena also immediately liked jason for calling out zeus's unfairness to apollo, saying something like 'the boy is right' and she gave him an approving/appreciative look for his wisdom, which is pretty rare for athena to say or do to literally any demigod ever. this makes me wonder if she ever saw jason as someone who had some sort of athena legacy in him, which is why she was so pleasantly surprised with him. ugh we could've so gotten jason and annabeth as potential sibling figures bc of how many parallels they have, too bad that the percy/jason rivalry narrative was pushed too hard.

I hope I've drawn enough parallels with their characters, as a lot of you have been looking forward to this post for a while, hopefully this analysis hasnt been underwhelming for you all to read!

@thevoidcaller @karmaajr @onestorytorulethemall @newlyfoundwren @thesummerstorms

[enchantedflameandflower]

Billy Butcher x you oneshot!

Billy knows how to really take care of you when you need it most…

18+ only smut, piv, cock warming, creampie

Merry Christmas! 😘

~*~*~

It was getting late. Butcher was watching a movie on the couch, but you were sitting at the table, finishing up some work.

When you were finally done, you gave a huge sigh of relief and checked your email one last time.

"Fuck," you groaned as you opened the 5th message from your boss that night asking you for a report on one of your projects. Frustration and tension and anxiety surged inside of you like the tide, and for a moment all you could do was sit there and stare at the screen.

Butcher had paused halfway through his movie as he got up to get a drink and seemed to sense what was happening. Honestly, you were stressed a lot these days. Most of the time he wouldn't notice, or at least would just let you be but right now you felt like you were at your tipping point.

"C'mere doll," he said from behind you.

You glanced over your shoulder to tell him you were busy, but the fierce look in his eyes told you he was not going to take no for an answer.

You sighed when you stood up and went over to him but all you were thinking was 'he noticed.'

Butcher slid his hands around your waist, tugging you against him. "You've been workin' too hard."

All of the breath in your lungs seemed to escape in one big whoosh. "It's just how it is this time of year. I just have one more report to work on. And I need to do my laundry. And it's Thursday."

Butcher leaned back, lifting his eyebrow at you.

"Dusting day," you explained meekly.

Billy gave you a look. "I'll do yer laundry with mine and dustin' can wait. What can I do tonight to make ya sit still for a while and let yerself go?"

You leaned forward wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your cheek against his broad chest. He was right, you felt like you were about to collapse but there was still so much to do...

"Maybe just hold me," you said softly.

"I'd be chuffed, love, but yer mind would still be whirlin' wouldn't it. Need somethin' to distract that pretty head o' yours too."

He rubbed your back for a moment as he thought and a soft, but tired, little sound escaped your throat. He knew you, and he knew it had to be something different to truly get your mind off of your worries right now.

He glanced at the tv where the movie was paused, then back to you. "Up for a little playin', love? I've got an idea."

The look in his eye told you it was something interesting and you couldn't help immediately being intrigued. "Maybe...what would I have to do?"

"Nothin' love. Go and change inta somethin' comfy. Just a shirt, nothin' else, then come back out and sit with me."

"Ok." You gave him a kiss before you retreated into your shared bedroom.

When you came back out he was sitting on the couch and he groaned as soon as he saw you.

"Fuck me," he muttered.

You grinned at him, pleased. You'd changed into one of his shirts, and you'd left it unbuttoned, though it was pulled around you at the moment. It was soft and it barely came to the tops of your thighs.

"Well c'mon," he husked, patting his lap and letting his heated gaze roam over you.

You climbed into his lap kneeling over him and sitting back on his thighs. "If your idea is to fuck me..." you deadpanned.

He smirked wickedly, his hands sliding to your hips. "Nah it ain't that. You know you'd be comin' in minutes, love, then you'd be right back to your troubles again wouldn't ya? Need somethin' to relax yer brain fer a lot longer than that. Besides I need t'finish me film."

Well...he wasn't wrong.

For a moment you met his eyes, gleaming with mischief, and you could feel his cock swelling beneath you...and then you realized what he wanted to do. A surprising pulse of lust surged through your veins and you knew you were immediately wet for him. It wasn't something you'd ever thought of before but now that you did...now that you did you were more than eager to try. That might actually work.

His hazel eyes glinted with desire even as they darkened. "Be a good girl and get me cock out, yeah?"

You swallowed, nodding your head and sliding back off his lap. He gave you a look and you obeyed instantly, working his belt free and opening his jeans. He shifted his hips so you could tug them down just enough to free his cock, already hard and ready for you.

"How do you want me?" you whispered.

"Facin' the telly, yeah? Wouldn't want you to miss the rest o' the film."

You hadn't really seen the first half as you'd been working at the same time, but you had a feeling that didn't matter. And maybe it would help to have something to watch to help distract you from his...distracting.

You stood up and turned around as he slid one big hand around the base of his cock to steady it, and gripped your hip with the other.

"Ready, doll," he murmured low, and you moved to sit on him slowly, his hand positioning you with a tight grip.

When you felt the head of his cock at your entrance, a little moan left your lips but he kept guiding you down without pause.

"Fuck..." you breathed. Without much preparation, the fit was tight and he stretched you almost uncomfortably but you knew your body would adjust.

"Fuckin' hell, love, your gushin'," he groaned. "Must've liked this idea more than I realized."

You wanted to argue but a broken moan was all that left your lips. You took a breath as you took him all way, you ass quickly pressing flush against his thighs. "Oh my god..." you whimpered. Syrupy pleasure flooded through your body, making your clit throb and your cunt flutter around his cock as you thought about him making you stay like this.

Billy gripped your hips hard with both hands and you felt another gush of wetness around his cock. "Easy now. Take a deep breath fer me, love. Yer gonna have to calm down if yer gonna be a good girl and let me keep ya on me cock till I'm done watchin'."

"Oh fuck," you moaned breathily, closing your eyes and biting your lip hard. Breathe.

His hands rubbed soothingly over your hips and outer thighs and you took a slow deep breath and licked your lips, focusing on the tv in front of you. You caught sight of the time bar and you almost groaned at the amount of time that was left, just a little less than an hour. Breathe.

He felt so thick inside of you, the size of him alone lighting up every nerve ending you had. But you had a long way to go so you took another deep breath, and finally your body let go of some of the tension, just a little.

That's my girl," Billy murmured low from behind you. He slid one arm around you and urged you to press back against his chest. "Just rest here for a bit, filled up with me cock, not thinkin' 'bout nothin' else."

Your only answer was another whimper and he gave a low chuckle as he started the movie again.

Your bare legs were draped over his jean clad thighs and you had to be careful not to let his open zipper scrape across your inner thighs or worse. Incentive not to move, you supposed.

You swallowed again, trying hard not to clench around him, but you couldn't help the little flutters of your cunt anytime his cock twitched or he shifted even the tiniest bit.

How he was keeping his own control so easily, you had no idea. Probably had a wank in the shower earlier, you sighed to yourself.

His chest was warm against your back and his big hand was rubbing your thigh. You really tried to watch the movie, but fuck, he was so deep like this. His cock was fiery hot inside of you and you swore you could feel the veins that ran the length of it. You felt every inch of him.

Minutes ticked by slowly, and you did your best for almost 15 of them, but as pleasure continued to pool in your center, and your body adjusted to his size, relaxing and taking him deeper, all you could think about was getting relief. You were dripping and you were sure he could feel it, but still he seemed as relaxed as ever, lazily stroking your thigh as he watched the tv.

Then before you could try to stop yourself, your hips rocked on top of his lap and a soft little cry escaped as bliss erupted inside you, making your whole body tense and buzz, making your fingertips tingle.

Billy rumbled and caught your hips with both hands, gripping hard, holding you still. "No movin', doll."

Your clit throbbed helplessly, completely neglected and you had to bite your lip to keep from whining pathetically, clenching your hands on your thighs.

"Breathe," he murmured, his beard tickling the curve of your neck as he leaned forward. You took a gulp of air, and then another, not even realizing you'd stopped.

Breathe.

Finally, you caught your breath and your lust lowered back to a simmer.

"That's a good girl fer me," Billy said, kneading your hips in reward but all you could do was groan at his praise and it made your cunt flutter around him again.

"Don't say that," you whimpered.

He gave a quiet laugh and patted your leg. "We'll have to keep practicin' this," he said low against the shell of your ear, then went back to watching the movie.

You slumped back against his broad chest again and his arm came around you. Instead of thinking about the way his cock was filling you, you tried to focus on letting your palm play over the little hairs on his forearm. After another 15 minutes, a hazy-sweet fog started to drift over your mind, some combination of dazed and still wildly turned on.

Anytime he moved it sent a jolt of pleasure through you but you were starting to get used to it, learning to let it soften into your body, banking it for later. After a while you couldn't even tell where he ended and you began, he was just a part of you.

At some point you must have completely spaced out, because you suddenly realized the tv was off. Billy was smoothing his hands slowly over your stomach and your thighs and your hips, still thick and big inside of you.

"Did I do it?" you murmured languidly.

Billy leaned closer, kissing the side of your neck, his mustache and his beard scratching sensitive skin spectacularly. "You did it. Such a good girl. My girl..."

You made a lilting, blissful sound and wrapped your fingers around his forearms, desperately needing to hold on to something.

"Think you can come for me now, pet?" His voice was gravelly and rough in your ear.

"Mmmm...mmhmm..." You gripped his arm tighter, unable to get your mind to even form another word. Every single worry was completely gone and you couldn't care less about anything except this right here.

Billy shifted underneath you, pushing his jeans further down his thighs and the movement made him thrust up into you.

You cried out, trembling with need, and he made a low sound to soothe you. "I've got ya, love. I'll take care now..."

It was too much to hold yourself up so you fell back against him and he rumbled approvingly. The vibration in his chest only added to your pleasure.

He pulled the edges of his shirt that you were wearing apart so you were totally exposed and tugged it down so your shoulders were bare but didn't bother taking it all the way off. Then he wrapped his hands around your bare waist and began to thrust up into you. "Fuck," he groaned. "Wasn't gonna last much longer either, love."

One of his big hands slid up to engulf your breast, kneading the weight of it in his palm then pinching your tight nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Your heart stuttered as you gasped for breath, every nerve lighting up. Billy knew how to make your body sing.

Lifting one arm, you curled it around him to thread your fingers through his hair and let your eyes flutter closed, just feeling him.

Every single thrust hit the right spot and made you whimper or moan or cry. Pleasure seemed to only crest higher and higher inside you, no limit in sight.

Within moments, as he had predicted earlier, you were on the brink of orgasm, but you wanted more, needed it. Grabbing at his hand on your waist, you pushed it down, guiding his fingers to where you were joined.

Billy moaned, his lips brushing the nape of your neck. "Mmmm, needy little thing, ain't ya..." he teased, but he deftly nestled two fingertips right over your swollen clit.

The second he started to circle over the throbbing nub your bliss heightened ten-fold...it had been left ignored for too long.

Your cries now were so much that you vaguely wondered if the neighbors would be concerned but there was nothing you could do, and Billy didn't seem to care at all.

His fingers slowed when he sensed you were almost there and he used his free hand to move your knees to the outside of his so he could push your legs farther apart with his own, wide open for him, and stuffed full.

Then his fingertips returned to their fast, slick circles with haste.

The eruption of your climax happened immediately and all you could do was cry out his name. Your entire body tensed in pleasure, wave after wave crashing through you in relentless pulses as he continued to stroke your clit.

The growl Billy let loose against your shoulder in response was earth-shaking. You had never felt an orgasm this intense before and you could tell your thighs and his fingers and his cock were drenched.

"Fuckin' "ell," he groaned. He moved to grip your hips with both hands one last time, the fingers on one hand still slick with you, and he bucked up into you, rough and erratic as his own orgasm began.

Burying his face against the curve of your neck, he bit down, moaning, low and gruff.

Broken whimpers and unintelligible words fell from your lips as every sensation continued to bounce and ping through your body like a pinball machine.

You could feel his come, hot and thick, spurting deep inside you. It felt just as good as everything else this night.

By the end of it you were completely expended, weak in his lap. You wouldn't be able to move even if the apartment caught on fire.

Billy was slumped into the couch now too, but his arms were around you and he was still inside you.

You had no idea how long the two of you lazed there, but eventually Billy regained his strength.

You whimpered as he finally slid out of you then gathered you up in his arms.

Your own strength was long gone and it was not coming back. He carried you into the bathroom and you were too fucked out to even care he stayed. After he cleaned both of you up, he scooped you up again and set you on the bed. He found your favorite, softest long t-shirt to sleep in and tucked you in. In the next minute he was sliding under the blankets too and he hauled you against his chest.

"Alright love?" he murmured.

"Mmmmmm. Mmmhmmmm." You were nestled in his arms, his skin warm beneath you and your face pressed to his shoulder. You wanted to say thank you but you were pretty sure only a mumble of half-formed words came out. His hand rubbed soothingly over your back and you felt him nuzzle the top of your head only seconds before you were out.

You couldn't go to work the next day, much to Butcher's smug amusement.

~*~*~

thank you for reading 🥹 thank you for all the inspiration to write this ❤️

(post tags are not working for this so doing my best to figure out what the issue is, and tagged people instead, I’m so sorry bleh tumblr)

@chocolategiverzombie @kus-babygirl @jynx15 @cassiopeia-grimm @karlurbanism

@weallhaveadestiny @violent-darkness @norman-b @fenyxhawthorn @smallsadjellyfish

@butchersboobs @shirley-girly @bobabilbil @galaxyshifting @angelically-yours

@burntsaltsblog @multifandomqueen199032 @waerwena @rebelled-angel @spikycritter

karl urban masterlist

[bvidzsoo]

His car isn't yours

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader x Choi Jongho

☂︎ Warning: cursing, very lightly suggestive, toxic relationship ☂︎ Word count: 16k ☂︎ Rating: nc-17 ☂︎ Genre: angst, fluffy at times, established relationship, dysfunctional relationship, breakup, lovers to exes, strangers to friends to lovers, @cromernet ☂︎ Summary: Mingi had been the man of your dreams...he was, until he wasn't. Perhaps he had always been like this and you just hadn't noticed until now, three years into your relationship. What can you do when you realise the love of your life is seeing other girls behind your back? What can you do when your heart cries out but his doesn't respond...His doesn't, but someone else's does. And he...he is a good guy, he'll treat you right...right? And despite the newly budding love between you and Jongho, all you could think was: It wasn't your car...

A/N: Hello, my lovelies! Finishing March with this story is quite jarring after our fluffy March event with Mina ahaha, but I've had this idea for a looong time (precisely ever since Wendy's song came out lol, please give it a listen to get the feels for this oneshot!) and I finally sat down to write it. Writting this felt a little bittersweet, I'm not going to lie, it hits close to home at certain points in the story. I like what I tried to do with this oneshot, so I hope whoever gives it a read will also enjoy reading it. I appreciate your feedback greatly, so don't be shy and share it with me! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy ^^ (but before that, check out the visual board I created for the story!) divider

☂︎ Visual board ☂︎

I'm waiting on this good guy to come pick me up...

            The cafeteria was a cacophony of sounds as it was filled to the brim with students; its vastness was less obvious, as there were now few tables left unoccupied. It was warm both outside and inside, so the windows were open to let in the fresh breeze, as well as to air out the various food scents that mingled together. I sighed as I let my head fall back slightly, eyes shifting onto the window behind me. The trees were in full bloom, soon it would be summer, and the break was getting closer and closer. I couldn’t wait to step away from the strenuous studying and the annoying professors for a few months, it was a well-earned rest that both my mind and body were craving. The birds resting on the branches of the tall oak tree outside the window were chirping to each other, their songs filling the space if you paid close attention to them. I smiled to myself as I blocked out the laughter coming from across me, content with detaching myself from everything that was happening around me. I was tired, I hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep after I had stayed up last night to fix a project due today, for which my teammates were unable to take responsibility. It wasn’t surprising, despite being at university, most people still acted like they were in high school. I hated irresponsible people, and I hated even more the fact that I had always been a people-pleaser.

A slight jostle to my left shoulder snapped my attention back to the present, and my eyes slowly trailed towards the man sitting to my left. Our shoulders brushed together as his long arm was draped over the back of my chair, the exposed skin of his arms warm to the touch. Mingi’s cologne was familiar and comforting, and I felt myself smile a little as our eyes met for a quick second. He was in a heated conversation with Wooyoung over something I hadn’t paid enough attention to be able to tell, his leg bouncing up and down. He seemed annoyed for some reason, his eyebrows furrowing every now and then as Wooyoung seemed to be denying something that Mingi was adamant on knowing. I leaned back comfortably into my chair, left hand landing on Mingi’s leg as I softly started tracing patterns into his dark jeans as a way to try and calm his irritated state. Seonghwa, sitting next to Wooyoung, was watching me with a curious glint in his eyes.

“Have you gotten little sleep last night?” He asked when he realised he had my attention, and I sighed, nodding with a pout.

“Yeah, I had to make last-minute touch-ups to a project.” I sighed again, feeling my dry eyes cry out for the eye drops that I had forgotten at home in my haste this morning, “I barely got five hours of sleep.”

Seonghwa’s expression was sympathetic, “Ah, I get it. I’m always so grumpy when I don’t get enough sleep. What were your teammates doing? Did you do it alone?”

Mingi suddenly laughed next to me, and I realised his leg stopped bouncing. I kept my hand on it, though, fingers curling into the rough fabric of his jeans as I felt the need to hold onto something.

“What were they up to?” I chuckled dryly, “Doing something else, I don’t know, everyone ignored me in the group chat.”

“Fucking assholes.” Seonghwa scoffed, and I chuckled as it was unusual for him to swear. His pink hair was getting in his eyes as he was leaning over the table, cradling his box of fried rice with vegetables to his chest as if he was afraid anyone would try and take it from him. Given the fact that he was sitting between Wooyoung and Yeri, the chances of him losing his lunch were high, “Refuse to work with them next time.”

“Oh, I will, don’t worry.” I nodded with an exasperated look on my face as Yeri started giggling, holding her phone out for me to see.

“Look!” It was a video of our friend, Seokmin, drunk and rolling around on the front lawn of a random person. He was cackling like a maniac in the video, cradling something I couldn’t tell to his chest, until suddenly the front porch light was turned on and a man came out looking furious.

“Get off my fucking property before I call the cops on you, kiddo!” The man screamed, pointing at Seokmin before his eyes found the one who was recording. Based on the giggles, the people behind the camera were Yeri and probably Chan as well, since the two went everywhere together. I shook my head with an amused smile as Yeri continued to giggle, pulling her phone away.

“When was this?” I asked, feeling Mingi shift next to me, his thick fingers lightly brushing against my shoulder. His deep voice wasn’t as distracting as it used to be when we first started dating. It used to be hard to pay attention to anyone else if he was speaking. But maybe that had to do with the pink haze that had clouded my mind at the beginning of our relationship. I had fallen hard for him, and I had gotten lost for a quick second until I realised I couldn’t let my emotions dictate my life this much.

“Last night,” Yeri answered, eyes on her phone as she was scrolling through whatever, “You didn’t come out with us.”

Right, the ‘gang’ had gone out to get drinks last night. If I wouldn’t have had to finish that project on my own, I probably would’ve had a little time to join them. There was no reason for regrets or resentments right now, and perhaps I was even glad I missed it as my eyes searched for Seokmin, his head resting on his arms as he snored, the sound loud as his mouth was angled at the table. I grinned in amusement and pushed Yeri’s foot under the table to get her attention. I nodded my head towards Seokmin, and she giggled again, leaning over the table to snap a picture of him. Baekhyun and Minseok were already drawing with a semi-permanent marker on Seokmin’s exposed cheek, snickering at each other quietly so as not to wake their friend. I snorted and shook my head, turning to look at my boyfriend when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. He wasn’t speaking to Wooyoung anymore since he was trying to target Seonghwa’s bowl of rice, whining and pouting at the pink-haired man, who was showing his teeth at Wooyoung like a vampire. Only the hissing was missing, and he’d be almost credible.

I watched as Mingi pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, plump bottom lip between his teeth as his fingers moved quickly. I didn’t manage to get a glance at the name of the username, but when Mingi opened up the chat on Instagram, it didn’t take me long to realise he was speaking to a girl. A lump formed in my throat as my muscles tensed, and I was unable to look away as I watched the screen of his phone. There was a picture from the girl which he had opened already, and a text underneath which said, ‘Did u like what u saw, handsome?’. My jaw clenched and my heart froze for a second as I watched Mingi’s ring-clad fingers type back a quick ‘Not sure, mind showing me again?’. I released a shocked sigh, my heart clenching like it did so very often lately. My skin crawled, and I shifted in my seat to put distance between Mingi and myself, our eyes meeting just as he locked his phone. His expression said nothing as he studied my face for a second, then he smiled. Wide and innocent, eyes crinkling at the corner, crooked front teeth endearing. His nose scrunched as he leaned towards me, looking so happy that one would assume something had happened. But my bones were frozen, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. My heart squeezed tighter, and I flinched slightly when I felt his warm lips pressing a chaste kiss against mine.

I didn’t close my eyes, not because I didn’t want to but because I couldn’t. The question—the accusation—was on the tip of my tongue, but I just gulped as Mingi hummed in the back of his throat, tilting his head cutely. He looked confused, waiting for an explanation that wouldn’t come as I was unable to find my voice. And despite the way my heart was clenching a second ago, now it had started racing, making my ears ring. I could feel anger lick up my spine, raw and painful, but I ignored it as Mingi’s hand clasped around my shoulder and pulled me back into his side once again. His eyebrows had furrowed just as we both heard his phone buzz on top of the table, screen facing down, but neither one of us looked at it. He pouted, then pressed a loud kiss to my cheek, and I felt numb as he turned back to whatever conversation Minseok was having with the rest of the boys, their voices loud and making my head thump. Seonghwa had been watching us, his expression troubled as he looked at Mingi for a second too long. Our eyes met and I had to quickly avert mine as I felt tears spring into them.

Mingi hadn’t even noticed yet that I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. We had met up this morning to have breakfast before our classes started.

            It hadn’t always been like this. All the mistrust and questions had stirred up quite recently, when I had noticed Mingi started lying about where he was and what he was doing. It was an innocent finding. Yeri and I had been discussing sharing our location with each other when she had gone on a date with a guy she didn’t know well, and while I was sharing mine with her, I remembered that Mingi and I were also sharing it. Out of boredom and knowing he was home doing homework, I went and looked at his location. Instead of finding him at home, he was at a bowling alley. It wasn’t like we told each other absolutely everything; that wasn’t necessary. We both had our private lives outside of our relationship, and we were both people who needed privacy and a little time away from our partners—freedom, if you will. So, when I texted him and teasingly asked him what he had been up to assuming he was there with the boys, I was left confused when he answered that he was in bed, watching some shitty movie that came out recently. Not thinking much of it, I had dropped the subject at that time, only to find myself checking his location again days later.

And each time I assumed he was at home or in the garage, fixing up or upgrading his car, he wasn’t. At least not based on the location his phone was showing. So, the mistrust and jealousy had started then because I couldn’t help myself. I rarely asked, and when I did, he’d either very cleverly twist my words and play the victim, or he’d change the topic in such a way that I’d only hours later realise what he had done, and that I still hadn’t gotten answers to his secretive behaviour. It wasn’t right, it felt wrong, and I was hurting the more he hid things from me. Mingi was a handsome guy, I had known that from the start, and I was also aware that due to his charming personality, girls flocked to him all the time. That hadn’t been an issue in the past, I quite enjoyed the fact that he was dating me despite all the attention he was getting…until I wasn’t anymore. Back when we had started finally dating, it had taken us quite a while to get there. The way we had met was by chance at university, on a late afternoon when my car wouldn’t start up. As he was quite into cars and knew how to fix them up, he had offered to help me out without asking for anything in exchange. It turns out, my battery had died and needed recharging, which his BMW e36 was nothing but good for.

And after that, as if the universe wanted us to meet again, Mingi would be everywhere I went. He would be at the library whenever I went there to work on a project or paper, he’d be entering the cafeteria at the same time as me, he’d be at the pub when I went out with my friends, he’d even be at some of the parties I went to, and despite the campus being relatively large, our classes would be held in the same building unlike before. It had started as a small nod of our heads and the polite inquiring acquittances did—like, how was your day or how are you doing—and then it gradually turned into us stopping if we crossed paths to exchange more than just pleasantries, our nods turned into friendly hugs which sometimes lasted for too long, follow requests on Instagram, and then into questions if the other was free to hangout soon. Somehow, it was rather hard to get a hold of Mingi at first. Even though we’d agree on plans, going for a walk or just grabbing coffee, he’d find an excuse for which he couldn’t make it. I hadn’t really thought about dating Mingi at first, but in the end, I fell for his charming personality.

It was hard to say no to him, to not feel your heart race when he absentmindedly fixed your collar or brushed your hair out of your face, to not smile shily when he squeezed you as he hugged you. His eyes had always held an intensity, sharp and dark as they watched you from up close or from afar, his bottom lip between his teeth as he studied you. And it had taken me some time to figure out whether all the teasing coming from his part was merely part of his personality, or if it had meant more than that. Despite being grown-ups, I couldn’t tell whether Mingi was still too young to maturely ask me out. And the fact that he acted with other girls the same way as with me made everything harder and more confusing, often leaving me with a racing but confused heart. After months of dancing around each other, on one faithful evening, we had run into each other while we were both out for grocery shopping and he had offered to take me home. His car was a rich metallic blue, impeccably clean, and the paint job done clearly by a professional, as there were no imperfections to it. The model was an old one, but because it was maintained so well, it had made no difference. The car was longer than mine, the seats comfortable and low, as the car itself was closer to the ground. I had melted into the sporty passenger seat, admiring the interior, which was a mixture of black and dark brown. That evening, however, as we had cruised through the city with the windows rolled down and rock music playing in the background, he had asked a question I never thought I’d hear from him, “Want to be my girlfriend?”

That was three years ago, in our first year of university, and things have changed since then. It wasn’t as peaceful or as pink as it used to be, and I had no idea which way we were headed. I felt a bit nostalgic as the evening breeze was warm, the windows rolled down as Mingi steered the wheel, turning off the main road and onto a residential one as we neared my apartment complex. I tapped my fingers against the handle to the rhythm of the rock music playing through the old stereo, a song Mingi loved and had taken the time to copy onto the CD that it was currently playing from. The lyrics reflected my state of mind, the anger that was simmering just below the surface as I chewed on my bottom lip, sighing loudly as my building came into view. I felt Mingi’s hand grip my thigh, and I pulled my leg away, shaking his touch off. He remained silent, but the volume of the radio was turned down. I refused to look at him as I stared out the open window, heart beating slightly faster when he pulled up in front of the apartment complex and neither one of us made to move.

Another beat of silence passed before he sighed, “Baby, will you tell me what’s wrong?”

My eyebrows furrowed, and I turned my head to look at him with annoyance written all over my face, “Really? You have to ask what’s wrong? Isn’t it pretty fucking obvious?”

Mingi’s eyebrows rose at my aggressive words, and he tilted his head, “No, I—I wouldn’t be asking if I knew, baby. Did I do something wro—”

“Mingi, why the fuck were you flirting all night long with Ryujin?” I snapped, cutting him off before he could piss me off more. And yet, I felt my blood boil as Mingi’s eyes widened, his shoulders pulling up almost defensively.

“What are you talking about?” I closed my eyes to take a deep breath, and pushed his hand away when I felt fingers grazing my cheek, “Don’t deny my touch, you know I hate it—”

“And I hate it when you flirt with girls and let them be all over you despite having a girlfriend, baby.” I sneered, tone harsh and cold as Mingi flinched, acting like what I said was so harsh. I couldn’t deal with his theatrics at the moment and just stared him down, glare deepening the longer he tried to make himself seem innocent. He didn’t say anything right away, just jutted his lips out as he looked at me with sad eyes, making my skin buzz as my heart raced with anger coursing through my veins. Then, almost frighteningly, his expression slipped into something colder, something more detached and irritated.

“What do you want me to say?” He scoffed, leaning back into his seat as his thick eyebrows furrowed, “It’s not like you’ll believe me even if I say I wasn’t flirting with her. You always do this, Y/N, blame me for something that isn’t true and then expect me to give in to you. Don’t you think I’m becoming sick of it? That it hurts me? Do you not trust me?!”

I huffed in surprise, biting back my shout since I wanted to tell him that I didn’t trust him, not even a little bit. When I didn’t say anything because I was trying to gather my thoughts, he raised his eyebrows and gave me an almost expectant look. It only managed to make my blood boil more, so I undid my seatbelt and shook my head at him.

“You know what hurts me? This!” I snapped, grabbing the handle to get out of his car, “The fact that you keep denying and denying your own actions, making me feel like shit for rightfully calling out your behaviour which isn’t okay since you’re my partner, Mingi. But sure, make me the villain again, I’m already used to being the crazy and overbearing girlfriend who is always creating a scene by being jealous and not letting you have fun.”

Something changed in Mingi’s expression as I opened the door, pushing it open with all of my force since it worked a bit harder due to the car being from ‘99. With one foot out of the car, Mingi shifted, leaning over the centre console with something like fear and surprise on his face.

“Stop, wait.” He called out, his fingers wrapping around my forearm as he halted my actions. My jaw gritted as I turned my head to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, “I’m not doing it on purpose, it’s just that…you’ve changed. I don’t understand why that is, and you’re also not saying anything to me, I’m now always scared you’ll blow up in my face.”

My mouth opened in surprise hearing his words, and I had to take a second to reel in his words, to try and remain calm. I was the insane one again, the one acting out without being given a reason. I hummed, feeling all fight leave my body as tiredness overtook it, not in the mood to fight about this again. It wasn’t the first time; we’ve gone out multiple times lately, and Mingi would always find a random girl he’d flirt with, buy a drink for, and sometimes even dance with. But tonight, it had been Ryujin, someone we both knew, and the girl he knows I can’t stand. Before we had gotten together, she was very obviously pursuing Mingi, trying to get his attention anytime they were in the same room. She was all over him and laughing a bit too hard at his jokes, trailing his skin with her fingers suggestively. She was one of the reasons why I never took my dynamic with Mingi seriously, that is, until he asked me out. And given the fact that he had been sneakily texting someone this week, always brushing off the topic or asking whether he wasn’t allowed anymore to have friends, everything just bottled up and burst out of me tonight. I was sick of his behaviour; I was tired of overthinking every little thing when it came to Mingi and me.

“I’m going in,” I said after the prolonged silence, glancing down at Mingi’s hold on me, “Let me go, please.”

He gulped, his eyebrows furrowed, and then I was yanked forward as he kissed me hard, lips pressing against mine harshly. I didn’t want to kiss him back, so I didn’t, and Mingi pulled back when he realised I wasn’t reciprocating it, “I love you, my baby.”

His voice was whiny and sad, his eyes wet with unshed tears, and I nodded, prying his fingers off my forearm. I grabbed my purse from my lap and got out of his car, slamming the door unnecessarily hard. The loud engine of his car stalled, and that told me he wasn’t going to leave until I was inside the building. Unlike other times, I didn’t turn back around to wave at him or send him a flying kiss. My skin crawled where he had touched me, and it was my turn to have unshed tears in my eyes as I entered the apartment. When would he stop this nonsense? And why had he changed so much?

What was supposed to be a fun night out had turned into a sleepless night of question after question whirling in my head while Mingi blew up my phone, forcing me to put it on do not disturb.

            Mingi wasn’t the man I had fallen for anymore. Perhaps it had always been there and I had failed to notice it until, or maybe it was something about me which made him act out. Our relationship had been more than lovely. In the past three years that we’ve been seeing each other, I could recall a dozen happy memories. He’d always bring me flowers if we decided to go for a date, we’d take late-night cruises throughout the city, ending up at the belvedere to gaze upon the lights, admiring the view of the river from up above. He’d be gentle and loving, showering me with kisses and compliments any time he could. He used to love to cuddle, he’d often come over just to lie in bed and talk about nothing while I lit a candle and popped some popcorn for us. He was attentive and supportive, always the first person to cheer me on or watch over me while I worked on my project. And yet, what we had, it seems like that wasn’t enough for him. Despite the silent treatment from my side after our argument, he acted like nothing ever happened. He was still his cheery and carefree self, kissing me on the lips as if I didn’t carry resentment for him.

I didn’t bring it up again, so he didn’t either. I could tell he was actively ignoring the giant gap between us, and he made anything he could to fill it with love once again. Taking me to my favourite patisserie store, going to great lengths to get me my favourite flower which only blooms during spring, even missing one day of classes just so that we could go and watch the rally hours away from our city. He was trying his best, and yet, it didn’t seem to help. Even when the words I love you spilled from his mouth, his thrust deep and slow, eyes shining with adoration and shaking with desperation, it still wasn’t enough. I couldn’t unravel in front of him, I came undone under his hands, but it didn’t feel like before. The tears in my eyes weren’t from pleasure but from all the questions tainting my mind, making me refuse his advances the more he pushed. I just couldn’t help but wonder if he’s been cheating on me all this time. He had always been a flirty person, that much I knew. But before, he always made it clear that it was just friendly banter and that he already had someone he loved and cherished. Now, it all felt hush-hush, as if he was trying to hide me from the world. I saw the way girls looked at him, the way they’d approach him so blatantly as if I wasn’t right next to him, and most importantly, I saw the way Mingi looked at them, laughed along with them, and touched them.

The library was cooped up today since exam week was right around the corner, and I couldn’t wait to get out of the stuffy room once I was done catching up with some much-needed studying. My backpack was heavy due to it being filled with textbooks and my old laptop, and my fingers curled around my tall thermos as I sipped on my much-needed homemade coffee. I was all for saving up these days, things were getting too pricey, and Mingi’s birthday was around the corner. I wanted to buy him something unique and long-lasting. Getting to the ground floor, I was just about to turn left and head for the outdoor patio to join my friends, when my eyes caught someone familiar. It was Mingi, his coral-coloured knitted sweater, form-fitting and comfy, making him look all fluffy when he wore it. It was probably one of my favourite clothing articles of his, and he knew this, so he often wore it around me. Today had been colder since it’s been raining for the past few days, and Mingi got easily cold. His backpack was thrown around one shoulder, fingers holding the strap tightly, rings decorating his thick fingers, and his black jeans fit him like a second skin, showing off his good proportions. I smiled to myself, about to call out his name, when I realised he wasn’t alone.

Next to him stood a girl with dark hair, burgundy highlights in it, half-way tied up as her hair looked slightly greasy even from afar. She was thin, a lot shorter than Mingi, and her skirt reached her ankles as a satchel bag sat around her shoulder, brushing against her hip. She wore a black crop top, a cardigan around her frail form as she was saying something to Mingi, hiding her mouth behind her hands as she suddenly laughed. I watched her for a second longer, realising that I knew her. Her name was Arin, and they knew each other. She and Mingi had dated for a month, back when we weren’t very close with each other. Based on what Mingi had told me, they didn’t click, so they never went further than a kiss and a few dates. Despite believing Mingi, I knew it wasn’t just that for Arin. She liked him, it was obvious in the way she looked at him, in the way she carried herself if Mingi was around. They might not have clicked in Mingi’s mind, but to Arin, she still wasn’t over him. And watching from afar, it became clear that whatever they were talking about had Mingi’s attention as he smirked, running his fingers through his outgrown hair. The front strands fell in his eyes, dark and soft to the touch. He licked his lips just as Arin reached out, touching the fabric at Mingi’s bicep and picking something off of it.

Mingi didn’t flinch; he looked down and took a small step towards her, lessening the distance between their bodies. I felt something drop in the pit of my stomach, coiling like when you were cramping up from your period. My fingers tightened around my thermos, and I felt my heart rate gradually pick up as I continued to watch the two. I was standing in the way of those coming down the staircase, and a guy apologised as he bumped into me, so I decided to step aside while I reached for my phone. It was in my back pocket, my hand trembled as I unlocked it without taking my eyes off Mingi and Arin. He was shifting from his left foot to his right, then he started nudging her shoe with his. I quickly opened my messaging app and then clicked on Mingi’s name, ignoring his last message, which I hadn’t read until now. It said, I’m busy all day, but you could come over tonight.

Peeling my eyes off Mingi and Arin, I chewed on my bottom lip and quickly typed out a ‘What are you up to right now?’. I waited, raising my head to look at Mingi again. He was in the middle of reaching out for Arin’s hair, but at the ding of his phone, he smiled sheepishly and looked down, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. Arin watched expectantly as Mingi said something to her, then he unlocked his phone and started typing. I watched the three bubbles appear on my screen and calmed down for a second. Maybe I was overreacting. Mingi was a friendly person; if it hadn’t been like this before, I wouldn’t have become so jealous and worried if I saw him interacting like this with another girl. Maybe I was the issue, maybe Mingi was right all along. I had to fix my problems before I would lose Mingi. The bubbles disappeared and Mingi’s message came through just as Arin peeked at his screen, making Mingi pull his phone towards his chest so she wouldn’t see.

‘I’m in the library catching up on some material. Professor Ahn is after my ass, it’s really annoying. What are you up to, baby?’

At first, I didn’t react. I didn’t know how to. A surprised huff left my lips, and I smiled, feeling my hand tremors worsen as I took a step back to be able to lean against the wall. Then, looking up from my phone to see Mingi’s fingers dance down Arin’s arm forced a hysterical laugh out from my lips. I was frozen, with a racing heart in my throat, and my eyes blurred as I looked down at my phone. What was the purpose of it all? I gulped, pushing off the wall and heading for the exit instead of the back patio, my legs feeling heavy as they carried me down another flight of stairs.

‘Meet me in the parking lot, right now.’ I didn’t look back to see Mingi’s reaction as I pocketed my phone; I couldn’t even see in front of me as my brain worked on muscle memory. I pushed the double doors open, forcing my way through the small opening and hurting my shoulder in the process, but I didn’t register the pain as I turned to the left, headed for the parking lot, which I could see from my spot. People looked at me weirdly as I was trying to regulate my loud breathing, but I felt unable to do so as my heart raced and my hands shook. I didn’t understand anything at this point. Why would Mingi lie to me so blatantly? Did he think I’d get mad at him that he was speaking to Arin? Was I seriously a bad girlfriend, oblivious to my own restricting actions towards Mingi, which drove us to where we were now?

My eyes zeroed in on his blue BMW, and I hurried over, lump in my throat as I paced up and down while waiting for him. There was no guarantee he’d even check his phone again, but I’d wait for him here until his classes were over, then. I had to tell him, I had to ask him, I had to see him. It wasn’t fair that he was treating me like this; it just didn’t feel right. In my distressed state, I failed to notice Mingi approach me as I chewed my nails, eyebrows furrowed. The sky was dark, rainclouds gathered around and were threatening a downpour anytime now. I jumped when I felt arms around me from behind, a chin landing on my shoulder.

“Hi, baby.” Mingi’s voice was husky in my ear, then his plush lips pressed a kiss against my cheek, and I had to tense my muscles to stop myself from flinching away. I gulped, but my throat felt dry. I tried to take a deep breath, but my lungs felt restricted, so as gently as I could, I pried his arms off me and turned around to face him. He was so…Mingi. He was smiling from ear to ear, his beautiful eyes crinkled and making my heart race despite the heartbreak I was currently experiencing. His mole under his eye drew my gaze to it, and it made me wish I could trace it like I had done so before. He knew how much I loved his crooked teeth too, and yet, despite the man standing in front of me being someone I dearly loved once, I failed to recognise him right now.

“Hi,” I greeted, voice tight and breathy. Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed for a second, and he tilted his head, “Did you have a hard day so far?”

He hummed, looking past me in thought before he reached out to intertwine our fingers. He leaned back against his car, and I gulped, feeling my heart race. If he would set himself right while we spoke now, I would forgive him and change myself and the way I’ve been reacting to him lately.

“Not really, but Professor Ahn gave me some exercises in plus to do for his next class.” Mingi rolled his eyes, “He says I’m behind compared to the others, which isn’t true. Wooyoung barely knows shit and he’s not treating him bad like me.”

“Wooyoung doesn’t skip his class as often as you do,” I mentioned, and Mingi pouted, his thumb rubbing my skin.

“Whatever, what about you?” Mingi changed the subject, and I hummed, hand tightening around my thermos.

“It was okay, I’m just tired from studying…” Mingi watched me curiously as I trailed off, preparing myself for my next words, “Sorry for dragging you down here from the…library.”

Mingi’s eyebrows furrowed for a second, but then he smiled, shrugging nonchalantly, “Don’t worry, my baby. It was about damn time I got out of that stuffy place. Man, I swear they never open any windows despite everyone being cooped up in there, it’s so annoying. I think I’m developing a headache from all the burnt brain I had to smell in there, freaking geeks.”

He laughed at his own words while my muscles tensed, my heart chillingly slowing down. Somehow, despite the ache in my chest, it’s like I knew to expect this. It hurt, a lot, but a huge part of me knew he wouldn’t tell me the truth. The fact that he was with Arin, laughing and touching each other all up and not in the library, studying.

“I’ve just come from the library, peculiar, I didn’t see you there.” My tone was cold, and I watched as Mingi blanched, his happy expression turning into a careful one. He gulped and chuckled, but it didn’t sound so casual anymore.

“The library’s big, we must’ve missed each other.” Then he tugged on our intertwined fingers, making me close the distance between us, “What a pity, I would’ve loved studying together with you.”

I didn’t have time to react as he leaned forward, eyes watching my face before they fluttered closed, Mingi’s lips pressing against mine gingerly. I felt sick to my stomach as he kissed me with the same mouth that spewed so many lies, but the dam holding itself together in my chest finally broke. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, hard and a little desperate as I realised there was no going back for us. There was no fixing this anymore. I have stopped trusting Mingi, and once my trust was broken, it could never be mended. I fought the tears that threatened to escape my eyes as Mingi hummed against my lips, his taste familiar and once comforting. I knew his body like the back of my hand, I knew what he liked and what he didn’t. I would miss him, that was certain, but I couldn’t let myself break my back for a person who was possibly cheating on me. I pulled away with a heavy heart, taking a deep breath before I opened my eyes. Mingi was already watching me, looking almost afraid as his grip tightened on my hand.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He whispered, low and reluctant as a bike wheezed past us, its engine loud. I gulped, my eyes finding his as I had decided that this was best for me.

“Let’s break up, Mingi.” I said just as quietly, afraid that if I spoke too loudly someone would hear us despite being alone in the parking lot filled with cars. Mingi didn’t react straight away, his eyebrows twitched before they slowly furrowed, his expression twisting into confusion.

“What?” His tone was harsh, raspy and almost aggressive, “What the fuck are you saying, Y/N?”

But I wouldn’t break, not in front of him, “I can’t do this anymore, Mingi. You’ve been lying to me for months and making me the villain, I feel crazy and like I’m overreacting all the time, when I’m not. You don’t tell me where you go anymore and what you do, or with whom you go. We both have our personal lives, and I’ve always respected that, but this is not okay—”

“You say we have personal lives and then flip out over me not sharing every little thing I do, Y/N?” Mingi snapped, releasing his grip on me and I was finally able to step back, “You’re being a fucking hypocrite right now. You are breaking up with me when I was willing to put up with your bullshit for so long? Seriously?”

I ignored the pang hearing those words made me feel, and scoffed, “Fuck off, Mingi, you weren’t even studying in the library! You were with Arin, fucking flirting and touching each other all up in the fucking main lobby of the university where anyone could see you two! I saw you, Mingi! So what the fuck are you even saying here?!”

At my outburst, Mingi froze. His mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything as I scoffed, shaking my head at him. He gulped, looking to the side before he faced me again, but he still didn’t say anything.

“Tell me right now, did you cheat on me?”

“What?! No!” His eyes widened, looking stunned by my accusatory question, “I would never! What the fuck do you take me for? Do you seriously trust me this little? I thought we—love each other.”

“Love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going when trust is absent, Mingi.” I snapped, feeling my hands tremble all over again, “If you wouldn’t have lied so much, denying the fact that you were letting other girls be all over you and downplaying my feelings of worry, we wouldn’t be here, Mingi. It’s over, I don’t…I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.”

“Y/N—”

“No, nothing you say will change my mind.”

Mingi watched with an open mouth as I turned on my feet, stomping away and leaving him standing next to his car as I felt tears in my eyes. My vision was blurry as I headed blindly in the direction of my own car, hands shaking so bad that I dropped the car keys. I crouched down to pick it up, but suddenly all the emotions I’ve been trying to reel in came pouring out like the rain that started pitter-pattering over our heads. I turned into myself as I cried, trying to keep my sobs quiet since the parking lot offered no privacy. Hearing the engine of his BMW e36 only made me sob harder, the screeching of tires making me flinch as Mingi peeled out from the parking lot. He wasn’t even done with his classes for the day yet.

            The past week had been rough. I was under the weather most of the time, but my friends were understanding and didn’t push for answers until I was ready to talk to them about the recent changes. It was tough seeing Mingi knowing nothing was tying us to each other anymore. Meanwhile, I felt free like never before with a clear mind, my heart felt heavy as questions tugged at my mind whenever I allowed myself to dwell on the breakup and the reason behind it. It wasn’t easy letting go of someone who’d been a constant in my life for the past three years, but I was sure if I took one day at a time, I could allow the past to be just that…the past. And having a good support system meant the world in these challenging times. Yeri was nothing but a sweetheart, checking in with me often and coming up with activities that not only brought me out of my comfort zone, but created new memories that I couldn’t associate with Mingi. Due to my yearning to spend time with people instead of self-isolating, Yeri managed to bring together our old friend group from high school. It was jarring to see everyone in one place again, but it also felt amazing to catch up with the girls. They were more than eager to bring the team back together, and thus, that’s how I found myself out on a lovely Friday evening.

The pub we chose for our nightly endeavours was a different one we’d usually go to, just to make sure there were zero to almost none chances of us running into Mingi and his friends. From what I’ve been hearing from Yeri, Mingi wasn’t taking the breakup very well. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days, with dark circles under his eyes, and his appearance was mostly dishevelled, like he had little regard for his appearance. Something tugged at my heart when I caught a glimpse of him yesterday in the parking lot, shoulders hunched over and face expressionless, but I quickly got out of there before he could spot me. He’d still try to contact me from time to time, but after we’d given our belongings back to each other, I made it clear that I didn’t want him in my life under any circumstances. There were too many shared memories, I could never just look at Mingi and remember him fondly without remembering all the heartache he made me endure.

I blinked at the roar of laughter coming from the table next to ours, glancing over to see about five guys throwing cards onto the round table. They’ve been playing some card game for a while now, rowdy and louder than the rest of the pub. I didn’t mind much, but it was a little distracting from our own conversation with the girls as they were currently busy giggling over Sana’s new crush. We had been discussing politics right before and had gotten too heated, so a subject change was necessary. It’s not that I wasn’t happy for Sana, but I didn’t feel like ogling a man right now, so I didn’t lean over the table to see her phone screen.

“Okay, but his muscles are huge!” Minjeong exclaimed, her eyes round as if she were looking at her most prized possession. Yeri and Seulgi giggled, taking Sana’s phone as they zoomed in on the picture. Joohyun just sighed next to me, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.

“They are no better than men ogling women’s tits, huh?” Her question made me burst out laughing, earning questioning glances from our friends. I shook them off and turned to look at Joohyun, my pint of beer empty.

“At least they aren’t making any lewd comments.” I might’ve jinxed that as Sana’s lips parted, a dreamy sigh leaving her mouth.

“Gosh, I wish I could suffocate between his man tits. Do you think he has a huge dick?” Joohyun looked done with Sana as Minjeong screeched, making the table of guys look over with questioning looks on their faces. Our table wasn’t exactly that quiet either, and I hoped they didn’t overhear my friends’ conversation; that would’ve been embarrassing.

“Obviously, he does!” Yeri shared a knowing look with Minjeong, “He’s like…huge everywhere.”

Sana squealed as she hid her red face behind her hands, and we laughed. Joohyun shook her head before unlocking her phone, and I scooted closer to her so that I could rest my head on her shoulder. I was slightly sleepy from the alcohol, but the night was young and I was actually enjoying myself. I didn’t have the time to mop around yet, and all of that was thanks to my friends. Nobody had mentioned Mingi, we hadn’t even been talking about boys until now. Joohyun’s Instagram feed was far more interesting than mine as she scrolled down the posts of celebrities as well as the posts of people she knew, and when she got bored with that, she decided to check out people’s stories. I yawned as I recognised a few faces in one of the stories, they were girls from our high school class.

“Have you kept in touch with them?” I asked Joohyun as she swiped to the next story.

“We speak sometimes, but we aren’t close.” She answered, her tone quiet and almost drowned out by the sounds in the pub. The table behind us cheered loudly again, and I flinched as I wasn’t expecting it. As Joohyun swiped to the next story, my body froze. The username was familiar, too familiar, and so were the people in the video. A girl, Arin, was running away from the person behind the camera, squealing as she held a basketball in her hands. The deep laughter was familiar, and it made me gulp around nothing as I sat up straight, muscles rigid as my hands curled into fists. Joohyun quickly swiped past the video just as the screen was flipped, Mingi’s face coming into view. She shut her phone off and turned to me with a guilty expression on her face.

“I’m so sorry—” I grabbed Joohyun’s hand before she could apologise even further, I didn’t mind. I really didn’t. None of my friends had any obligations to quit their friendship with Mingi, and Joohyun wasn’t even close with him. She only knew him through me and probably had even forgotten that she was following him.

“Don’t, it’s okay.” I said with a small smile as I grabbed my pint, “I mean it, Hyunnie, I don’t mind.”

Joohyun pouted as I stood up, pointing towards the bar, “I’ll get a refill, do you want something?”

She shook her head, still looking apologetic as I hummed, then slid out of the small booth-like space. The bar was just outside, all I had to do was step through the threshold and I’d reach it. The pub wasn’t too big, but it was rather cozy as it was filled with other university students, retro tunes playing through the stereos. The wallpaper was rather chapped, and posters of old bands tried to hide the brick that could be seen due to the tapestry falling off, but I didn’t mind that as it gave the place a certain vibe. The pub, after all, was inside an old house which was modified to fit a maximum of thirty people for busy Friday nights. The line to the bar wasn’t too long, and I passed the time by looking around, observing all the band posters, coming to the conclusion that I really liked this place and would love to come here again. I could only hope the girls shared my sentiment.

As I reached the bar, I placed my pint on the counter and waited for the person in front of me to pay for his drink before it was my turn. The bartender smiled as he noticed me, then wiped off the counter before he pointed at my pint.

“Want a refill of that?”

“Yup, thank you,” I said with a smile, leaning against the counter as the man took my pint, turning around to place it under the keg. Tapping my foot to the rhythm of a Britney Spears song, I read the menu on the wall to see if they had any shots that I could enjoy tonight, however, I was suddenly roughly jostled to the side. I gasped as my hands slipped from the counter, and I would’ve lost my footing if it wasn’t for the arms that were suddenly wrapped around my torso, yanking me back up right. My heart was racing as I turned my head with wide eyes, coming face to face with a…very cute guy. I gulped, speechless for a second as I was still too stunned to speak, now also a bit bamboozled by our closeness and his round cheeks, which looked soft to the touch.

“Holy shit! I’m so sorry!” His tone was light, melodic even, as he exclaimed in horror, his cheeks flushing a dark red, “My friends pushed me, I didn’t mean to knock into you like that. Are you alright?”

I gulped, feeling my own cheeks heat up when the guy’s hands slightly tightened around my waist. I wondered if he hadn’t realised he was still holding onto me, and I opted to ignore the weird uneven thump-thump of my heart, “It’s alright, don’t worry. You caught me, so I’m fine.”

I chuckled a little shyly, averting my eyes as the guy’s round and soft ones bore into my face. He was far from intimidating-looking, yet I felt small in his presence, which rarely happened. He wasn’t too tall, barely half a head taller than me, yet his embrace felt comfortable and warm. Almost as if he had just now realised that he was still holding onto me, he released me as if he had been zapped with a teaser.

“Fuck, I’m sorry about that, too!” He looked on the verge of tears, embarrassment very visible across his features. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I turned my head to hide it, bringing up my hand in front of my mouth.

“It’s okay, thank you for not letting me fall despite being the cause of my almost concussion.” The guy groaned as I looked back at him with a cheeky smile, distracted as my pint of beer was placed on the counter. The bartender looked at me expectantly, but before I could pay for my beer, the cute guy reached out and placed his hand over mine, trapping my hand against the cold counter.

“No, no, let me pay for it.” He said with a sheepish smile, “It’s the least I can do!”

Without mulling over the thought for too long, and since it’s been long since a man bought me a drink, I nodded, “Sure, okay. Are you not getting anything to drink, though?”

He grinned then looked at the bartender, pointing with his free hand at my pint of beer, “I’ll get one of those, too.”

The bartender hummed as he went to fetch a clean pint, then turned his back to us. The cute guy and I looked at each other at the same time, and I allowed my eyes to take in his features. He had sharp and high cheekbones, round, pretty eyes and cheeks that looked pinchable. His lips were curved and almost pouty, a pretty cherry colour, and a nose that complemented his features prettily. His hair was dark and parted in the middle, brushed out of his face and styled in a way that showed off his good looks. There was a light eyeshadow added to his eyes, which only enhanced their roundness, and I realised I was staring as he slowly averted his eyes. Then, he jumped and took a step back, the warmth from my hand disappearing.

“I keep touching you without your consent, I’m really sorry.” He said while rubbing his nape, still not quite looking at me, just in my direction, “I promise I’m not a creep, even though saying that makes me sound like a creep.”

I chuckled as the bartender gave the cute guy his drink too, and he paid with his phone as I decided to wait for him. I didn’t know if he expected anything from me now that he’s bought me a drink, but he didn’t look like that type of person. And at the same time, his energy felt comforting and calm. He glanced at me and looked a little surprised that I was still there, waiting for him. He hid his smile behind his pint of beer as he motioned for me to walk in front of him, and I returned his smile, taking off and leading the way.

“I’m Jongho, by the way.” He said as we walked around the people waiting at the bar, keeping close to one another since the crowd had significantly grown since we had made it to the bar.

“I’m Y/N.” I said with a smile and shook his hand when he extended it, stepping back inside the main room where our tables were, “The girls and I are having a night out, this is the first time we’ve come to this pub. It feels rather cosy and isn’t overflowing with jerks.”

I had no idea why I was running my mouth to a complete stranger; maybe the alcohol had something to do with it, but Jongho didn’t seem bothered by this fact. In fact, he looked almost excited that I didn’t let the conversation die.

“I’m also out with my friends,” Jongho said, sounding just as ecstatic as he looked. It made him really cute and I bit my bottom lip to try and hide the smile that threatened to grow on my lips, “This pub is our go-to place exactly because it’s hidden and doesn’t attract the frat bros.”

I chuckled but felt myself sour at the thought. It’s not that Mingi and his friends were frat bros per se, but at times, they certainly acted as if they were. Before I could allow my mood to worsen as the image of Arin in Mingi’s Instagram Story flashed behind my eyes, I shook my head and focused back on Jongho.

“I’ve been to one too many frat bro-like spots, so this is refreshing, and—” I blushed a bit when I noticed Jongho listening to me closely, paying attention to my every word, “Thank you for buying me a drink, you really didn’t have to.”

“Oh, it’s the least I could do after I tumbled into you so harshly.” He said as he looked to the ground, shifting on his feet. I chuckled, but then narrowed my eyes at him playfully.

“I thought your friends pushed you?” I raised an eyebrow just as Jongho raised his head, eyes quickly widening.

“I—well, I—damn,” He groaned, his cheeks flushed again as he almost pouted, “Okay, I actually tripped on the carpet and went barrelling into you.”  

I didn’t mean to laugh so loudly, but somehow that was endearing. Jongho’s eyes widened even more before he was giggling, watching me with softness in his eyes. I felt my heart rate pick up just slightly, my skin warming as I remembered the feeling of being in his arms. It wasn’t even bad, no, it was far from being uncomfortable or unwelcome. I gulped; a bit taken aback by my own thoughts as I cleared my throat.

“Well, thank you for being my hero even if you were the cause of my near death.” Jongho huffed, placing a hand on his hip and looking like a father who was about to scold their child. It looked funny as he held the pint of beer in his other hand.

“Now, that’s a bit too dramatic, don’t you think, Miss Y/N?” He raised an eyebrow, and I chuckled, looking off to the side. Talking to Jongho wasn’t too bad, I appreciated his humour and ability to match my energy.

“As long as you don’t hate me for it…” I didn’t mean to say that, but it slipped. I grimaced as I thought I had ruined the mood, reminded of the tantrums Mingi would throw anytime he thought I was too dramatic for his liking. But, instead of giving me a weird look, Jongho leaned in just slightly, a mischievous look dancing in his round eyes.

“I could never hate a pretty girl like you. Besides, if I’m free of charge for almost giving you a concussion, I think we’re even.” He winked and I snorted, looking down at my pint of beer as Jongho grinned to himself, standing up straight again. I didn’t know what to say to that, feeling slightly weird that a man who wasn’t Mingi had called me pretty, but at the same time, it had felt nice. Not knowing how to respond to his flirting—since it felt too soon to be mingling with other guys—I was just about to say goodbye to Jongho, but as I turned to look at my table, I was surprised to see unfamiliar faces sitting scattered around. The girls were laughing, cards placed in front of them now too. Jongho seemed to turn in the direction I had just looked in, and made a surprised sound in the back of his throat. I turned to look at him with raised eyebrows, curious as to why he had reacted like that.

“Uh, those are my friends.” He said as he pointed at the unfamiliar faces sitting at my table. My eyes widened as I glanced back at the table before looking back at Jongho.

“Really?” I asked, surprised, “Because those are my friends.”

I pointed at the girls as Jongho and I shared a glance, then burst out into giggles. That seemed to finally catch the attention of our conjoined friend groups, and Yeri’s eyes lit up when she saw me. She was subtle about it as she did a quick sweep over Jongho, but she said nothing as she threw her hand up in the air and waved at us.

“Y/N, you’re back!” She said loudly, grinning from ear to ear, “Guess what? The loud guys decided to join us—”

“You asked them if they’d like to sit with us.” Seulgi corrected, her eyes narrowed at Yeri. I chuckled, amused and not surprised by this at all.

“Yeah, after Hongjoong asked if we’d make a bet with him,” Yeri said as she stuck her tongue out, making Joohyun roll her eyes.

“And you stupidly said yes, he could’ve made you do something stupid.” Joohyun groaned as who I assumed was Hongjoong widened his eyes.

“I’m not like that!” The guy exclaimed as Jongho laughed, nodding to himself.

“He really isn’t,” Jongho said, and it seemed like the other girls finally realised that he was standing with me, “He’s a nerd who won’t shut up about his hyperfixations.”

A guy who had small and sharp eyes snickered, slapping the back of another guy who slightly resembled Jongho, “I thought that was Yunho, not Hongjoong.”

“Eh, they are different sides of the same coin.” Another guy said with a shrug as the guy who was called Yunho pouted, elbowing the sharp-eyed in the ribs. Jongho sighed next to me, then looked at me just as I glanced at him.

“My friends are embarrassing.”

“You know we can hear you, right?” The same sharp-eyed man deadpanned, and Jongho just shrugged. To my surprise, the next person who spoke up was Sana.

“Is he the guy you said was getting himself a drink at the bar?” Her face read mischief, and I gulped, subtly shaking my head at her. I hoped she wouldn’t say anything embarrassing or crazy. Hongjoong nodded, beckoning Jongho over, “Would you look at that? It looks like he and Y/N already know each other!”

“Right,” I quickly said as I sat down in my previous seat, surprised when I realised Joohyun actually sat close to the man with sharp and small eyes. She felt my questioning gaze because she shrugged, pointing at the cards in her hands.

“We’re playing a team game.”

“So, you and the new guy are now a pair!” Sana quickly said, elbowing another guy whose name I didn’t know to hand us cards. Jongho and I looked at each other as he shrugged, then he sat down next to me with a small smile on his lips.

“Well, howdy partner?” He clinked his pint of beer against mine, and I laughed, taking a large gulp of my beer so that Jongho wasn’t the only one doing so. I ignored the looks my girlfriends gave me as Jongho and I huddled close together to start strategizing about our winning plan. It felt nice being in his presence, and he was a funny person that I felt like I’d get along with really well despite not having known him for long.

Thoughts of Mingi and Arin were the least of my worries as the night progressed, my tummy aching from how much I’d laughed in Jongho and his friends' presence, a pleasant buzz from the alcohol warming my body like none other. I was grateful I had decided to go out tonight.

            I had overslept this morning and completely missed an important class. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes, dry and heavy from lack of sleep. I sighed as I reached over for my phone, hand knocking into the small lamp on my bedside table, almost knocking it over. Since my phone was on do not disturb, I had missed Yeri’s desperate messages asking whether I was deliberately skipping first class or if it was the result of oversleeping. Well, I chuckled as I typed back that it was the result of not going to sleep at a reasonable time. I knew it would bite me in the ass in the morning, but I had decided to brave through another chapter of the manhwa I was reading, only for that chapter to turn into another one, then another one, and another one, and—yeah. Getting ready once I sluggishly dragged myself out of bed was easy, as I had to be on time for my next lecture, where I had to present the term paper I had finished a few days ago.

Over the weekend, after having met the group of friends at the pub, I felt like I could breathe again. It’s like the dark cloud hovering over my head had dissipated, not as menacing as it used to be. That didn’t mean, however, that Mingi was completely forgotten. I couldn’t simply forget him in the span of a few hours or days, hell, possibly even months. He was too deeply etched into my being, a part of my soul which I was now trying to slowly remove. Saturday had been fine, almost fun, but yesterday had been a nightmare. My heart was heavy, and I was on the verge of bursting into tears anytime. I couldn’t even let my cat cuddle me because it reminded me of the times Mingi and I would lie in bed and beckon her over, giggling as she nestled in between our bodies. We’d often joke around and say that’s what our future would look like once we had kids, because yes, at some point in time, I had sincerely thought Mingi and I would never part ways. That he was the one for me, my partner in crime and life, forever my soulmate. But I was wrong, and Mingi wasn’t with me anymore, and he’d never be no matter how hard he tried begging his way back.

As I had brushed my teeth, my phone buzzed, and thinking it was Yeri, I opened the message without looking first. I froze for a second as I looked at the screen, somehow not surprised to see that Mingi was trying to reach out again. I had asked him to leave me alone before, I had even threatened to block his number, but it seemed like he didn’t care. I sighed as my eyes ran over the text messages, toothbrush hanging from my mouth.

Good morning, I’m sorry to text you again…

I met up with Yeri in the parking lot

We spoke

She told me you went out on Friday

How was it? Did you enjoy yourself?

Did you…meet someone?

I miss you, baby

Can we speak? Will you please answer me? I have something to tell you.

It’s important, I promise!

I know you’re reading my messages, baby, it’s saying ‘read’

I feel like…I upset you

Did you see my story on Friday night? It was nothing, I swear

I was in the park when Arin ran into me, and we just…hung out afterwards

Baby, can you please stop ignoring me?

Y/N?

I fucking hate this, please.

I sighed, putting my phone to the side as I spat the menthol paste into the sink, turning on the faucet again. My eyebrows were furrowed as I looked at myself in the mirror, jaw clenched tight. I was irritated by Mingi’s insistence, at this point, I just wanted him to understand that we weren’t getting back together. What more did he need? Did he think I wasn’t hurting just because I broke up with him? I scoffed and splashed my face with cold water, the cleanser softening my skin once I was done washing up. My phone buzzed again, and I groaned loudly, mentally preparing myself to shut Mingi down for once and for all, but I paused. A friend request was the first notification that showed up, before my phone buzzed in my hand again, and a message request came through. My eyebrows furrowed as I read the familiar username, clicking onto the Instagram notifications with mild curiosity. Choi_jongho had sent me a friend request along with a text message that caught me off guard. I accepted his request without much thought as I left the bathroom, then headed for my wardrobe as I read his texts.

Hi. Good morning, actually! Uh…I hope this isn’t weird, or anything…I asked Yeri what your username was, that’s how I know, I promise I didn’t creepily stalk you or something!

Now that makes it sound terrifying, doesn’t it? I’m not a stalker, I swear to God!

So, I think I’m done embarrassing myself. I just wanted to ask if you got home safely on Friday? Was the cab driver creepy? I can beat him up next time or something (I promise I’m a gentle soul!)

I’m starting to realise that since we aren’t yet friends and I’m blowing up your phone, this is really fucking weird and annoying…hope you don’t hate me yet!:D

I chuckled as I reread Jongho’s texts, my grin wide as I leaned against my closet door. I didn’t think his messages were weird or annoying; on the contrary, he was just as funny and endearing as in real life. After Jongho and I had partnered up for the card game, we quickly hit it off. While strategizing, we also figured out that we both loved listening to sappy ballads when we were feeling under the weather. Jongho loved cats, and he wanted to adopt his friendly neighbourhood cat, which would sneak inside his flat anytime it could, and he was more than elated to hear that I had a cat. Then, Jongho confessed that he wanted to become a singer before he found a new passion in life, so he was now just this cute guy walking around with a jaw-droppingly good voice—and I knew that because he had shown me videos of his singing at around our third pint of beer. I also found out that he wasn’t a light-weight, but the tipsier he got, the redder his cheeks became, hiccupping from time to time as he smiled a gummy smile and laughed melodically and loudly. One thing we both geeked out about—with Yunho joining our conversation when he overheard our excited rants—was the manhwas we read and were planning on reading.

Good morning, Jongho. Don’t worry, I don’t yet think you’re a creep or a stalker…that might change soon, depending on what you’ll be saying with a sober mind now. I got home just fine on Friday, thank you for asking! As for the driver, he was a sweet old man who offered to play whatever songs we wanted on the ride back. (And a gentle soul who knows how to fight? Sign me tf up!)

And that wasn’t it all. Morning had been a long time ago, and yet, Jongho and I were still talking. Although our replies came a bit slower as I was at university and he was at his part-time job, it didn’t feel awkward, and there wasn’t even one second which felt strained or weird. Speaking to Jongho came naturally for some reason, he was a very warm and playful person who understood my humour and was more than eager to return the snarky comments. I was enjoying myself, it helped me disconnect from the fact that my heart froze before it started racing, my body chilling at the sight of Mingi’s car in the parking lot. I tried to ignore the fact that I walked around campus like I was walking on eggshells, looking over my shoulder every few minutes to make sure I wouldn’t run into Mingi. It didn’t help that we also had classes in the same building, so I resorted to staying on my floor rather than wandering around and risking the chance of running into Mingi. I had spotted Wooyoung and Seokmin this morning; they both smiled at me as they waved, and I was glad that neither tried to approach me. I didn’t want to speak with them, I knew they’d go running to Mingi.

Lunch break was over, but Yeri and I didn’t have another class for the next two hours, so we decided to lounge around on campus, find a good spot where we could pass the time. I had just gone to the bathroom to wash up, my hands still wet as I left the restroom, drying my hands on my jeans. My phone buzzed in my back pocket, and I smiled, about to reach for it, but a sudden presence in front of me made me pause. I froze as I was face to face with Mingi, whose eyebrows were furrowed. His hair was cut, gone were the long strands framing his face, now the sides were nothing but a buzzed cut as the shorter strands fell over it. I remained silent as Mingi stared at me, opening his mouth, but he said nothing. My phone buzzed again, and I flinched, my muscles tensing as Mingi sighed, reaching forward. I hid my hand behind my back when he tried hooking his pinkie with mine, making his face contort into confusion.

“Hi.” He finally said, tilting his head as I didn’t look him in the eyes, but rather past him. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Why was he trying to make this hard for both of us?

“How are you?” He asked, and I sighed, jaw clenching as I finally looked at him.

“I’m fine, what do you want?” I asked, voice impassive and snappy. Mingi’s shoulders slouched forward, and he looked helpless for a second.

“Can’t I talk to you anymore?” He asked with a whine, and I sighed, taking a second to gather myself.

“No, Mingi, you can’t.” I didn’t want to raise my voice as people passed down the hallway, “We’re done, when will you understand that? I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, I told you already. Can you please respect my wish and just let go?”

“You want me to just let go of three years of our relationship?” He snapped, looking angry all of a sudden as he stepped closer, I didn’t move back, “Are you fucking kidding me, now? I thought you’d get over it. What do you mean you’re breaking up with me? Did you ask me beforehand? Did we discuss it? I don’t want this, I—”

“Did you or did you not cheat on me?” Mingi froze, eyes widening. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his body, making chills run all over my skin.

“I told you I didn’t, will you finally drop it?!” He hissed, shaking his head as if he were disappointed in me.

“No, I will not let it go. If you didn’t cheat on me, why were you speaking to other girls behind my back?” I raised my eyebrows, tired of having this conversation again. It’s like Mingi didn’t want to understand what the real issue between us was.

“I told you already—”

“That you did speak to other girls, so what the fuck do you want?” I huffed, prying his fingers off my body, “If you text me one more time, Mingi, I will block your number too.”

“Like you blocked me on Instagram, yeah.”

“Glad you noticed, it was about damn time.” I snapped before walking around Mingi, hearing him scoff loudly before the men’s restroom door was slammed shut loudly. My heart raced as a bitter taste entered my mouth, and I stopped walking, taking a deep breath as I felt my phone buzz again. I felt horrible. I didn’t want to fight with Mingi so much, I didn’t even want to see him anymore. He wasn’t the only one who was struggling with this breakup, I also missed him, I also wanted to talk to him and give him one last chance to fix things. But it wouldn’t work, I just couldn’t overlook all his lies anymore. There were too many questions whirling in my head, and even just the thought of another woman in his vicinity infuriated me. It wasn’t healthy anymore, and Mingi had to see that too. My phone buzzed again, and I closed my eyes before I fetched it, chewing on my bottom lip. I wasn’t surprised to see the picture of the cat Jongho was taking care of, a small black kitty. It looked adorable looking up at the camera curiously, and I chuckled, tears in my eyes. I sniffed and tried to hold in the tears, refusing to cry at university while I was looking at a cute kitten picture just after my ex-boyfriend made me feel like shit.

Look at her, she’s a gem

Her eyes are so cute, they remind me of yours, actually…not that I’m comparing you to a cat!

I just got home, finally, what’s up with you?

I took off again out of fear of Mingi coming out of the restroom and finding me in the hallway as I typed back a quick answer to Jongho that I was waiting for my next class to start, lounging around with Yeri. He sent me a cookie recipe as an answer, saying he had made a bet with San and that both of them had to bake twice a week something they didn’t like.

You don’t like cookies?! Jongho, are you a monster?!

I went down the stairs as I felt my nerves calm a little, less tense now that I was speaking to Jongho again. It’s not like Mingi wasn’t lingering in the back of my mind, his words ringing in my ears, but it was easier to focus on Jongho’s texts right now. They served as a good distraction.

Even if I’m a monster, I am not the Cookie Monster!

I chuckled under my breath as I was heading towards Yeri, about to tease him, when Jongho’s next message came through quickly.

Hey, ignore me if this is too sudden. But would you like to grab some coffee tomorrow? In the morning, if that’s okay with you. I don’t have work tomorrow and my classes are in the afternoon.

I froze, my heart thumping weirdly. Tuesday’s used to be Mingi and I’s go-to days to have breakfast before our classes. It somehow felt wrong to just…replace it by grabbing a cup of coffee with Jongho. But then again, Mingi and I were done, I wasn’t doing anything bad by meeting up with Jongho. He hadn’t specified that it was a date, which I would be highly uncomfortable with at the moment, and despite knowing Jongho for a short period of time, it truly felt like he just wanted to hang out before our classes. I gulped, ignoring the whispers telling me that I was betraying Mingi by agreeing, but in the end, I pressed send before I could overthink it.

Sure, but I have to get to uni by 11 am!

            The evening was warm as Jongho’s shiny black Jeep rolled down the residential street, traces of a smile still lingering on his lips. Today has been amazing. We’d gone to a river and had a small picnic with homemade sandwiches and lemonade, which was way too sour. Jongho cringed even just at the mention of it, and I giggled as I smeared more blueberry jam on top of my cub sandwich. The weather was lovely this time of the year, and with exam season over, I was finally at ease again. The thought of not having to go to classes as well as face people I didn’t want to made the tight knot in my stomach uncoil, my days now filled with lazing around the house unless Yeri dragged me out for whatever reason. The library Jongho worked at was looking for more employees, so after Jongho’s recommendation and encouragement, I decided to apply for the job. I had made plans of going overseas before the summer break would be over, so a little pocket money wouldn’t hurt my wallet.

I hummed along to the song playing on the radio, Jongho’s quiet singing just as marvellous as when he was belting out high notes at the karaoke bar. The basket was in the backseat together with my purse, so my hands were free as I fiddled with my fingers, gazing out the window. The sun was setting, casting orange hues over the sky, and I sighed as I allowed my tired muscles to melt into the comfortable seat of Jongho’s car. The Jeep was spacious and expensive. Jongho took great care of his car and prided himself on how clean it always was. I liked how the engine wasn’t too loud nor rambunctious, or how Jongho’s aim wasn’t to show off but to have a comfortable and long-lasting ride. Sure, the car parts were expensive now, but as the years passed, the model would become less and less worth as much as initially. Not that Jongho cared about that, he was financially secure due to his well-off family. I smiled when I felt Jongho’s warm palm land over mine, and I flipped my hand so that we could intertwine our fingers.

The process of forgetting Mingi and leaving him in the past was slow and sometimes excruciating. Not much had passed since I put an end to our relationship; it would soon be somewhere close to two months. Not that I was counting. He’d still show up at times, bringing flowers to my house and asking whether I’d like to take a walk with him for ‘old times' sake’. I never wanted to, though, and I never accepted the flowers. Anytime I saw a blue car, my heart would lurch in my chest and make me wipe my head around to look for the model, for the brand, just to make sure it wasn’t Mingi. I can’t deny that my heart is still numb in his absence, that I don’t mull over all the what ifs in the safety of my bedroom, late at night when I should be asleep. Sometimes, all of it becomes a big mess in my head, in my heart, making me nauseous as I’d have to call or text Yeri or one of the girls to distract myself and stop myself from giving in and unblocking Mingi. He was doing well from the glimpses I’ve caught of him, but due to Yeri still hanging out with the rest of the boys, Wooyoung would often tell her that Mingi had turned to unsafe solutions to take his mind off me. I knew he was sleeping around now; it was a hard-to-miss fact when the campus wasn’t huge enough to drown out the rumours and the whispers.

But amid the storm in my head and heart, the rays of a warm sun were slowly breaking through the rainclouds. Jongho was by my side; he was here for me more than any of my friends had been, and I am grateful to him. If Jongho weren’t here, I probably would’ve handled the whole ordeal a lot worse and given in to the urge to just forgive Mingi, just one more time for the sake of memories and those three years we’ve spent together. Jongho was a great guy, he truly was everything I didn’t know I needed. He was attentive and careful, he liked to listen to my stories and he loved to entertain any far-fetched idea I might get, and he just…understood. He never pried and he never pushed or prodded, he allowed me to process things at my own pace, making sure he was there if things got too dark and too hard to handle on my own. He was a sweet soul, and he was warm. Sometimes I wondered if being engulfed in his embrace is what it would feel like hugging a domesticated bear. Jongho loved to live, and he had a special talent of wrapping you up in his happiness, in his joy, making you forget you even knew what sadness felt like.

We have never put a name to our relationship, because I wasn’t ready to date yet. I still saw Mingi in certain habits of other people, I still heard his voice in my head, I still couldn’t wipe his smile out of my mind, I still couldn’t forget the way his hands felt on my body, his cologne familiar and comforting, his eyes warm and making you feel like you were the only person in the room when he looked at you. I missed his proximity and I missed how comfortable and easy everything had been with him, and yet…when I looked at Jongho, I couldn’t dismiss the way my heart would start racing, the flush of my cheeks or the inexplicable desire to let him hold me until he became sick of me. We had started dating, that much we had established, but we weren’t together yet. I had no idea when it would happen, and I didn’t want to think about it for now. Seeing his car parked in my driveway still made me gulp harshly, Mingi’s blue BMW so vivid in my mind that I’d flinch away from the window and leave the house with disdain. And it wasn’t even Jongho’s fault that I was feeling this way.

“We’re here.” Jongho’s quiet voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I hummed, squeezing his hand as my heart felt suddenly heavy. Mingi and I had never done a picnic, I had just realised. I chuckled under my breath, feeling a little bittersweet, because today had been one of the happiest days of my life. Jongho and I hadn’t even done anything big, just sat on a blanket while we ate whatever we had packed from home, then lay down on said blanket and cloud gazed until a small spider crawled on Jongho, making him panic before I took it off him, “Are you okay? You’ve gotten really quiet, love.”

My heart fluttered at the endearing petname and I hummed, facing Jongho as I nodded, “I’m fine, just lost in thought, sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” He chuckled, turning his body to face me as he pushed the stray strands of my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear, “Are you tired? You look tired.”

I chuckled as I nodded, stifling a sudden yawn, “Yes, I’m quite sleepy. Being out the whole day drained me.”

“Right, me too.” Jongho giggled, “I feel like a child again, the last time I was out and about for this long was…many years ago.”

“Now, don’t dramatize, Jongho.” I teased with a laugh, and Jongho huffed, playfully rolling his eyes, “Thank you for the picnic today, I had so much fun.”

Jongho grinned, his smile cute and endearing, and I had to stop myself from pinching his pink cheeks. He was so easily lovable, sometimes I had no idea why my heart wasn’t filled with love for him.

“I’m glad! Because I also had a lot of fun—except for when that spider crawled on me, that was terrifying and disgusting.” Jongho shuddered as I snorted, narrowing my eyes at him.

“I never thought I’d see the day Choi Jongho is afraid of something.”

“Love, I told you, bugs are the only thing on this Earth that will scare me.” Jongho shuddered as he said this, and I squeezed his hand, leaning over and pressing a kiss against his cheek without thinking first. His skin was soft and warm, turning redder by the second. He froze, and I said nothing as I pulled slightly back, gulping nervously. I didn’t mean to suggest anything by kissing his cheek, but he was too cute not to do so. Silence stretched on as Jongho’s eyes searched my face, and I looked down, suddenly feeling extremely guilty. I wasn’t ready to devote my heart to Jongho yet, and here I was, leading him on and playing with his feelings. Was I better than Mingi? No, I was almost even more terrible compared to him.

“Y/N,” Jongho said quietly, and I felt him cup my cheek. He raised my head as he smiled at me softly, “It’s okay, stop thinking so much and so hard. You know you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, right? If you need more time…to get over Mingi, I’m here. I’m willing to wait, I actually—I just really want to wait because I feel many things for you and I don’t want to lose you.”

That didn’t help as the guilt spread more through my chest, but I made sure he couldn’t read my expression just yet, “I appreciate that, Jongho, I really do. But are you willing to live in the shadow of the man I loved so much?”

“Yes,” Jongho’s answer was instant, “Of course, I am. Because I know it’ll be worth it in the end. We can be just friends, we don’t even have to go on any more dates. I’ll be content to just have you in my life, however way you want me.”

I huffed, sad and a little weak, but nodded my head, “Thank you. You already mean a lot to me, Jongho, I just need to…let go, for good this time.”

Jongho nodded, smiling gingerly as he caressed my cheek, and I returned the small smile. Knowing that I couldn’t live like this forever, that I shouldn’t let my heart break over a man that doesn’t deserve me anymore, I decided to give Jongho a real chance. I leaned closer, making sure my intentions were clear as his eyes widened slightly, but he closed the distance between us when I fluttered my eyes shut. It was a small peck on the lips, but it was enough to make my cheeks flush and my heart race wildly. That was all I needed as confirmation that I would be eventually over Mingi for good, that I was ready to leave the past behind. I pressed another swift kiss against Jongho’s lips before I pulled back, grinning at him as Jongho chuckled while shaking his head.

“Need help carrying that basket inside?”

“Now that you asked, yes.”

            A letter to you, who will never see this:

Love can be innocent, fiery and passionate, gentle and constant, but love can also be painful and destructive, draining and so, so damaging. Loving you was all of these things. It had started as an innocent, unassuming crush, very childlike and unserious. But the more I saw you, the more I heard you, the more I listened to you, the more I spent time with you…it started turning into something more, into something I couldn’t define but desperately chased after. It was you whom I was chasing, your attention and your affection, it was you whom I wanted from the very beginning. It was mutual attraction, I know it was, but somewhere along the blurry lines of casual friendship and flirtatious, playful words, it turned into something malicious on your part. You wanted me, but you didn’t actually want me. You liked my attention, you liked how easy it was with me, you liked that you could see it on my face—in my eyes—that you had my affection. You wanted that, not who and what I was. You didn’t like my opinions, you didn’t like the fact that I stood up for myself, and you didn’t like the fact that I didn’t let you walk all over me. You wished for a mellow girl, a girl who would do anything for you, who would hand you the world, who would break her back to abide by all of your wishes.

I wasn’t that girl, and I’d never be that girl.

It started with a fleeting glance, with your voice always around me, with your friends surrounding me without me even realising it. It started with casual banter and the fact that I liked that you could mirror me: my behaviour, my words, my actions, my attitude. It felt like you understood me, that you saw me for who I was…but oh, was I wrong. This story actually started on a very cold Friday afternoon when we were both frozen and in desperate need to warm out numb limbs, our icy toes, and our refuge had been the cafeteria. We had known each other from those fleeting glances, from hearing about each other from others’ conversations, yet then, there in that cafeteria, we had sat at the same table. We talked like we knew each other since forever, we laughed, and we teased each other because that's how we were. Easy-going and playful, rarely meaning the things we said. But then…when you left…you did something that made my heart flutter. You hugged me, and I didn’t like to be touched. You stood up, paused, then turned around, pointed at me and said, “I will hug you”. I was confused, I didn’t know how to react for a second, but I rolled with it. No boy had said that before, and now, much time later, I realise that’s how you were. Physically affectionate and good at love bombing. So, we hugged, but if I knew you’d damage me the way you had, I would’ve never let you touch me. I would’ve never sat with you, and I would’ve never bothered engaging with you.

After that, everything is just…unimportant. Whatever happened between us is for us to know. You were mean and bad, you know you used me and I know it too, but we can’t reverse time. And even if we could, I wouldn’t want to reverse time because I was so enraptured with you back then that I’d let you do everything you had done to me all over again. I can still vividly remember the way you made me feel, the way you made my skin crawl if I wasn’t the object of your attention, the way you made me anticipate every moment I knew I’d be in your presence. Thinking back now is just silly, how lost I was, how desperate I was to finally love and be loved. It’s silly and perhaps even embarrassing, I recognise that, but if anything…you had taught me another lesson. A lesson that losing myself wasn’t worth it, not when the man of your desire wouldn’t give himself to you fully. And I had learned this lesson, don’t you worry, I’d never let a man destroy my mental health as much as you had done…so thank you for that, it was a valuable lesson.

There were good and bad moments, moments I sometimes still fondly recall despite all the suffering I endured due to you. I realise, sometimes, I was too in my head to realise I might’ve been making up things, and yet, you were always feeding into these delusions. So, if they were truly just in my head, how come you could see them and make them worse? Questions and questions that would remain unanswered, because if I’m being frank, I can’t even look at you anymore. I don’t want you, but I do resent you…And I think I will for a very long time. Or at least until I’m old enough to barely remember your name, memories of us lost somewhere deep in my subconscious.

As for how this story ends…I think we all already know. Our story has long ended, there’s no more us, no me and you in the same sentence. As for that girl whom you played while playing me as well, I hope she can trust you like I never would’ve. I hope, for her own good, she lives a blissfully unaware life by your side, loving you unconditionally for as long as you need her to. And despite feeling stupid and silly sometimes, if I hadn’t meant anything to you, you surely wouldn’t have completely wiped me from your life. You made sure there were no traces left of me, even though I removed myself, once I realised there was no use in hanging onto this anymore, and I hope you regret driving me away every single day. We would’ve worked if you had taken me more seriously, but at the end of the day…did I want us to work? You checked off everything I liked and wanted in a man, yet that wasn’t enough. I hate the idea of you ever reading this, because you do not deserve to know the full extent of my true feelings for you, but if you do stumble across his letter one day…hear this:

I don’t wish you the best. Don’t ever again come near me.

...No, his car isn't yours

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@faeriehwa @chatsgotmytongue @watermelon2319 @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @e3ellie

@yunhogrippers @rainteez02

❀ join the taglist here if you're interested! ^^

[jojo-schmo]

✿ Forgotten Land Roleswap AU ✿

✦ 3rd Anniversary ✦

I was hoping to get this Light Novel cover redraw finished by today, but I haven't been feeling well and ran out of time- but I still wanted to at least share this WIP and muse on how much things have grown during these three years, and how much this project has meant to me so far.

April 12, 2022 was the day I created posted the first doodles that would, unbeknownst to me at the time, germinate the idea that would transform into a passion project spanning multiple years. I had just finished Kirby and the Forgotten Land's story and slowly getting back into the Kirby fandom space for the first time in years. It had been a long time since a game made me feel as wonderful as Forgotten Land did. I've loved Bandana Waddle Dee since I first played Return to Dreamland on the Wii when I was a kid, and wished he had more opportunities to shine outside of directly supporting Kirby in the game. I also love "What If" and "Roleswap" AUs, so I considered what would happen if I swapped Bandana Dee and King Dedede's role in the game.

The posts didn't really get much traction at first, which was fine. But I kept going back to the idea after a few days and thinking about how to push it further. Instead of just swapping Bandee and Dedede, what if Dedede was Player 1 to increase the stakes of rescuing the kidnapped Waddle Dees? Dedede wouldn't have access to Mouthful Mode, so how would the gameplay work then? Instead of Kirby taking care of everything with his own Mouthful Mode, it could be more fun to have Meta Knight be Player 2 instead, and explore their teamwork dynamics and problem-solving methods together!

So I explored an alternative- Combo Mode! And developing and researching ideas for that lit a spark within me! I had to keep going after that!

Now I had to consider, if I'm already swapping around all the main characters, I'm starting to have an entirely new universe here! What's next to change up? For the heroes' companion, I felt like Elfilin wouldn't behave very differently in this AU than in canon, he would probably continue to be friendly and helpful and sweet. Which would be okay- but to make things more interesting for myself, what if I played around with the origin story of the missing pieces of Fecto Forgo and switched "Elfilis" and "Elfilin" around? That way there's new obstacles and possibilities there and maybe I can even surprise some people with the lore down the line!

Now I'd had my Dream Team shuffled around, a very different mysterious companion for them... And why stop there? Why not play with the Beast Council's roles too while I'm at it to make things even more interesting for myself to write?!

From the early days of this AU Project...

To my more recent work...

...Now here we are.

It'd been a long, long time since I enjoyed the creation process of anything for myself like this! I was coming out of some pretty hard times in the early 2020s, and in a lot of ways, this AU has been there alongside me during a years-long journey to get help for my mental health, to become more confident in who I am and what I can bring to the world around me, and to love myself. Now I'm the best version of myself I've ever been, and I can pour so much more into my art and writing, especially with this AU!! <3

AND MAN, does it feel good to see physical evidence of my art style's evolution side-by-side! Like comparing my first Light Novel cover redraw from 2022 with my current WIP!

Creating this AU has taught me so much about storytelling, the medium of comics, organization, and most of all, to enjoy the process and really push my personal limits in a positive way. I've met so many amazing people since starting this story, some of whom have inspired me in ways I never could've imagined. Some very key people have even helped me ponder different mediums to tell this story.... Some animatics... or maybe even more interactive storytelling...? I am slow cooking some fun ideas, dear reader....

This AU gave me the confidence to become more involved in the fandom space and find community among people who have taught me so much. I am so, so grateful for this project.

I know it's taken some time to get here. I still work full-time and now I'm pursuing a second bachelor's in hopes of a career change that will allow me more time to focus on creating someday. But for now, free time can be frustratingly limited for me. It's also taken this long because I've put a lot of thought into how to set up the metaphorical "dominos" in the forms of foreshadowing and world-building I want, to do my best to make the wait worth it for the future plot pay-offs and reveals I have planned!! I'm hoping to continue to pick up speed with updates as I increase my skill and solidify my master plan for this story... MUAHAHA....

I plan on seeing this project to the very very end, and I can't wait to continue this journey with you all. Especially with the announcement of Star-Crossed Worlds!!! I'm not too worried about it turning my AU lore upside-down quite yet since it's post-game content and my bigger lore drops are still a little bit away, so I have time to navigate that when it does drop :3

Thank you to everyone who has read, enjoyed, and supported this project in any way, whether it's a like, comment, reblog tag, dm, carrier pigeon, paper airplane- whatever!! <3 I love, appreciate, and am beyond grateful for every reader, supporter, and friend I've gained in the past three years!!

Cheers to a successful three years under my belt, and I look forward to the future!! By the end of this journey, I hope you will enjoy reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

🫧 Love, Jojo T. Schmo 🫧

★○★○★○★○★○★○★○★

♫ Laughing loud! Even if you're far apart, they're right by your side. Hearts full of love! Everyone is welcome to live in this new world. ♫

｡⋆｡˚ ʚïɞ ˚｡⋆｡

[littlelovelunette]

Fuck it

what are some of YOUR favorite HCs for our ladies? Any subjects, just things you haven't been able to bring up or talk about through requests

I wanna hear your thoughts :3c

~💜

Oh my gosh, finally someone wants to hear me outttt, you're the sweetest, anon 💜, thank youuu

Headcanons (Ft. Sevika, Ambessa Medarda, Violet, Jinx)

Author's Choice

Sevika

Multilingual through and through but sometimes a little bit of this language slips in through a little bit of that language because there's just so much in her vocabulary that she can't get across by using one singular language (Am I projecting? Yes.)

Sensitive to South Asian stereotypes and butch lesbian stereotypes

Likely to beat someone up over it

Grew up in a mysoginistic society which made her feel that she was somehow below men in the past but she doesn't let that affect her now

Considers dyeing her hair because she's insecure of the gray

In her past relationships, her ex girlfriends always made her feel like she needed to wear the pants in the relationship, so she never really was the one being spoiled, spooned or even simply headpatted

Loves being able to show even the slightest bit of feminity when she can with you, but it's rare because she's so insecure of it

If you bring it up, she'll say "Ridiculous," with a scoff and a head shake

Immensely insecure ever since she lost her arm and struggles with body image issues. Please reassure her

Has anger issues and breaks things when she's angry

She's just a kitten when she's angry so hold her close and hug her. Tell her it's okay and coo praises to her

No matter what I've seen other authors say, I think Sevika does get sort of abusive when she's angry, but she doesn't hit you of course. Instead, she slams and breaks things in the house

Ambessa Medarda

Brings you expensive gifts just because she can

When you sleep next to her, Ambessa hums a song and you can't help wonder of her melodious voice, and that she should sing more

Makes honey tea for you with her own hands and goodness does it taste like heaven, she tastes better though

Kneels down and does your straps for you even if her ego is so high, she loves kneeling before you in front of people to flash the dynamic of your relationship with her

Likely to propose only if you share the same loyalty for family as her

Eye contact means everything to this woman whether it's a normal setting, intimate setting or simply sex— look into her golden eyes and whisper "I love you"s

Would figuratively die out of concern if you ever got hurt in any way possible, wouldn't let you out of the Medarda Estate in fear you'll get hurt again. It may take a while for her trust in the world to build again, but she's not all that controlling

Shockingly lets you wear whatever you want to wear when outside but don't expect her to coddle you and take her time stripping you form those clothes. She is feral, she'll tear them off

Her love language is providing all sorts of protection that you need from whoever even if it may be the most dangerous person on the planet, you're safe with Ambessa

Vows to keep you safe whenever you fall asleep, mumbling them to herself as a constant reminder that whatever happens, her loyalty was to you and her family

Her kisses are surprisingly warm, gentle and calculated. She doesn't want to rush, and takes her sweet time. Sometimes it's barely tongue, and she just enjoys the feeling of your sweet lips against hers

Violet

Although she claims she doesn't care for your commands, if you told her to sit she'll sit

Favorite part of your body is your boobs no matter if they're big/small. She'll bury her face in them and even use them as stress balls. Nothing lewd really, she just likes sniffing them. What a pervert but come on, it's Vi

Loves interlacing her fingers with yours, rubbing the top of your hand with the pad of her thumb

Always carries sanitary pads/tampons for you to be your saviour at times of crisis

Can't stand your pout or your tears. Crocodile tears or not, Vi is buying you whatever you want or beating someone up over something that you want. She can't stand seeing her princess all pouty

"You're not scared of me, are you?" Vi's sometimes afraid what impression she gives off to you

Worried because you may be exposed to Shimmer. She doesn't care what the living conditions are, but she doesn't want you to get addicted to any sort of substance that can cause your life to go downhill

Stares at you so much you're sometimes worried whether she's even listening to what you have to say, or when you're just casually conversing she's staring at you as if you've grown two heads.

In reality, Vi takes one long look at you, one that could battle a stare contest, and decides you're too good for her. But she'll never say that out loud in fear you're gonna leave her

Scared she's gonna lose her shit and hit you when she's angry because poor baby has anger issues

Very much capable of confidently arguing with a child and losing

Jinx

Has anxious attachment issues with you, she knows it and you know it. But you both silently acknowledge that

Perfect dates mean bombing and terrorising Pilties with her... Or, you both could decide on a sugar marathon. Whichever you prefer

Her love language is putting effort into remembering the things that you like, often stealing the best of it from Piltover. Jinx makes you your favourite weapons in your favourite colour, with little scribbles that say you belong to her

Blushes when you hug her and she awkwardly returns it back but when she gets comfortable she can't stop hugging you

If you ever left her, she'd actually lose her shit, she's way too attached with you

Overthinks the whole love confession thing before you both dated and she lit your yard on fire with the words "I LOVE YOU"

Cried in your arms after Caitlyn shot her middle finger off. She was so upset, you almost gutted the woman for doing that to your baby

Sometimes she loses her shit, hallucinates and you wake up tied to her chair, her knife poking at your heart. "Love me. Love me. Love me." She repeats, her voice hoarse from screaming and crying. Jinx calms down eventually, unties you and asks you if she scared you. You always tell her no and give her headpats

Jinx is way too scared of relying on anyone emotionally and you can tell. You don't force her to trust you immediately but it is a slow process, she slowly starts to open up more

Swings her legs back and forth from the edge of the bed while you do her hair. Your arm workout is doing her hair

You motivate her to actually take care of herself, eat properly and shower. But you have to do it all with her

Surprisingly can pick you up

[jackoquako]

Burning from the Inside

Yan! Batfamily x neglected! male! meta! Reader

Prologue: House Fire

Summary: A look back in your memories of a simpler time, and how it stopped being so simple. Word Count: 1463 Reading Time: 6:09 (mins:secs) Notes: I've wanted to write a batfam fic for a while but couldn't think of an interesting spin for the reader, that is until I read a oneshot about an Ice! meta reader that I can't seem to find again (😞) and my third eye opened. This reader is low-key inspired by an oc of mine, who I actually have a pinterest board for, but I've done my best to keep y/n fairly blank for people to project onto. It may or may not come up later in the story (haven't decided) but I'm imagining y/n as a trans man and as an unreliable narrator with memory issues so. First chapter is queued to go up in a week! Warnings: written in first person, anger issues (on reader's side), descriptions of a parent dying, lots of mentions of fire, reader being tossed around in the foster system. Please comment if you think I've missed a warning!

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Rage burned under your skin constantly. When you were young, still kind and innocent, it was easier to control, it didn’t burn quite as hot. You still had a temper- your mother would end up dragging you home from school after many arguments on the playground getting too loud, but it never felt so much like drowning before. 

You were never certain of where your rage came from until an event when you were seven. The memory, clear as glass, would replay every night for that week. Whilst playing  in the front yard, you had noticed a car pull up. It was shiny and silver, that you remembered. But the woman who exited the car was more blurred by time degrading the memory. She’d smiled at you as she walked up to the front door, knocking politely without acknowledging you any more. She’d excitedly talked to your mother, giving your mom a piece of paper before your mother blew up. You’d never seen her so angry before. She’d screamed at the woman, scaring her into running back to her shiny car. 

The woman had driven off in a frenzy, the wheels kicking up dead leaves which showered over you in a confetti spray of autumn colors. Your mom had walked over and scooped you into a tight hug before pulling you inside. You didn’t play outside alone much after that. Your childhood had been normal beyond the odd moments like that.

You used to get ice cream with your mom after a particularly hard day at school, walking in the park as you shared a styrofoam bowl of slowly melting ice cream with her. You held onto that memory with an iron grip. She’d also take you to various garage sales and thrift stores, allowing you to buy the occasional toy or plushie every once in a while. It was only when you were older that you realized how tight of a budget you two had been on. You don’t worry about money much anymore. Maybe to someone who’d grown up richer your childhood sounded awful, but to you it was the golden years of your life. You’d never realized how much you valued your life in your small city with your mom, living in your tiny house at the edge of the city limits, until it was suddenly ripped away.

You’d been sitting in class, scribbling away at the margins of your notebook as the teacher droned on and on. Math was your least favorite subject since the teacher had the most monotonous voice ever. You’d only glanced out the window for a moment, staring at the birds in the trees, when the teacher was interrupted by a knock at the door. You watched as your math teacher walked to the door and opened it for an officer. Something like this would usually become the talk of the lunch period, concerned hushed voices slowly graduating into whispery gossiping over the course of a meal. So you’d watched intently as the officer spoke in a low, almost inaudible, tone to the teacher, who turned and locked eyes with you specifically. Your heart began to race as your teacher gestured for you- not another student, not anyone else- to come over. Your heartbeat had pounded in your ears as you got up, already hearing the concerned “what’s going on”s and “is everything okay”s from your classmates. Your teacher had an expression on their face that you couldn’t quite grasp in the moment. Later on, however, you’d later categorize it as something between sorrow and despair. It wasn’t the last time you saw that expression that day.

The officer had gently guided you into the hall where an administrator was waiting. Your worry shapeshifted into nervousness. You couldn’t remember doing anything horrible that’d warrant a police officer being there. Nervous that you’d be expelled over something you couldn’t remember, you began rambling apologies to the administrator, grasping at every single wrong thing you could remember doing. The man had just smiled and looked down at you with something akin to pity- the memory of that pitying expression made your skin crawl- and stopped your rambling with a single gesture. Then, the cop spoke. And the world you’d known shattered into bits.

The words came in bits and pieces as your brain struggled to adjust to this new reality you’d been thrown into. 

Your mother. House fire. The cop was sorry.

That was the thing that always stuck out to you. The apologies from people; as if they’d been the ones to start the fire. It still felt like molten sugar on a burn wound when people responded with “I’m so sorry for your loss”, even so many years later. It seemed like this one tragedy had suddenly changed everyone’s perception of you, reshaping you into the poor boy who was orphaned at the age of 11. 

That week (maybe it was a month, the specifics were hazy) turned into a blur as the world seemed to spin faster and faster around you. Suddenly, you were pulled from school and talking to social workers who had their own shiny cars, you were passed from adult to adult in a frantic bid for control over the situation your small city’s government found itself in. You remembered dizzy days in a guidance counselor’s office, then being rushed to a group home, then to a foster family, then another foster family further away, and again and again. Each time you were re-homed like a bad gift, you found yourself further and further from your little home town you’d loved. You don’t remember anything beyond the crushing weight of your mother being gone.

The only clear memory you have of that time was when a foster family took pity on you and drove you back home, to town. They brought you to the burnt-out remains of your old home. Neither member of the couple could hold you back when you ran towards the charred skeleton of the house. You remember crying and sobbing as hands pulled you away from the remains of the house, your own hands tightly grasping the one thing you’d managed to grab- a small book. You’d been shoved back into the car whilst hugging the book to your chest. Later, when you’d managed the courage to read that plain black book, you’d found that it was your mother’s journal. 

Maybe it was the fact that things had slowed to a more comprehensible speed, or maybe it was because you had something of your mother’s now, but you remembered more from this time period. In fact, you even remembered the foster family you’d been staying with when it happened. They were a sweet couple with a daughter not much younger than you. They’d given you your space, acting unsure and awkward whenever they interacted with you. They’d almost seemed relieved when the social worker came to retrieve you once again, as if having a grieving little boy in their house was equivalent to living with a nuclear bomb. The social worker didn’t need to prompt you at all to gather up your very few belongings and get in her car. You’d leaned your head against the window as she talked about your new home, barely paying attention. She’d talked about how “they” (you didn’t remember who “they” were. Maybe it was the police) had tried to find your father but had been unable, until he came forward himself. That deep anger flared up, flames licking at the bones of your rib cage as you kept it in. So he waltzes out of your life before you’re even born, ignores your existence for 11 whole years, and then struts back in as if nothing happened? The thought made you want to hit something. Someone. It made you want to hurt him. You’d clenched your fist and gritted your teeth as you tuned out the rest of the social worker’s speech.

Then, sooner than you’d wanted, you were in a hallway in one of the many community centers you’d been in, standing across from an elderly man wearing a suit. The fire that made you want to scream and bite and claw like a feral dog was quenched for a minute. Surely this couldn’t be your father, he was far too old. You couldn’t punch him- he’d fall over and die! You simply stood still as the man walked forward and gave a little bow. His voice was posh and his accent was clearly British, not unlike the period dramas your mom used to watch. 

“You, young man, must be (Y/N). Pleasure to meet you, my name is Alfred Pennyworth.”

He’d never know, but with that simple introduction, Alfred Pennyworth changed your world a second time.

[thankskenpenders]

Today we got some news regarding a big change for the Ian Flynn's Q&A podcast, the BumbleKast. As outlined in a blog post by Ian, starting in 2025, all Sonic-related questions submitted to the show will first need to be screened by Sega. (I have to assume this is also why Ian announced they'll no longer be doing live Q&As starting next year.)

Frankly, I can't say this is particularly surprising.

While the BumbleKast is ostensibly a podcast about Ian's work as a freelance writer for all sorts of things, and also just a place for him to shoot the shit about stuff he likes, he's still predominantly seen as The Sonic Guy. Sure, he also does a bunch of other freelance work for other series, and original comics like Drogune, and he's also the narrative mastermind for the whole Rivals of Aether franchise these days, but it's his insights into what goes on behind the scenes with Sonic that people really care about. Your average Sonic fan can't just go up to Iizuka or whoever and ask him a question about the current state of the lore, but Ian's inbox is always open.

Because of this, I've thought a lot about the BumbleKast's place in the fandom and The Discourse in recent years. Ian wants to be as open and honest as he can about his work, and I think that's admirable. To me, hearing about creators' struggles and the shit they go through just to get a story out the door tends to make me sympathize with them more. Sometimes a story just doesn't turn out as well as you'd hoped, but you're on a tight deadline and all you can do is move on to the next project. I've even softened a bit on Penders over the years as he's shared more about the absurd situations and odd creative demands made behind the scenes at Archie. Unfortunately, not everyone has that mindset.

Ian's basically always had obsessive haters who were eager to take everything he says out of context to try and stir up shit, but that used to be contained by the niche nature of the Archie comics. Most of the fandom didn't give a shit about what Ian was doing with Sonic and Sally's love life or whatever. Most of the fandom wasn't even reading those comics. But Ian's gone from being a writer for a non-canon spinoff comic, to being the initial lead writer for the first ever canon Sonic comic series, to being the new main writer for the games themselves as part of the official Sonic Lore Team. Way more Sonic fans care about his work now, and when he's so open about his work that makes him an easy scapegoat.

It feels like damn near every week on Twitter Ian's personal trolls have posted yet another BumbleKast clip out of context to rile up the fandom and make it look like he has no idea what he's talking about or like he has some kind of agenda. And, unfortunately, people often fall for this. Of course, it also goes the other way, with people more sympathetic towards Ian taking things he says about Sega and framing them as proof that Sega has no idea what they're doing with the brand. Which, well, let's be real, isn't always the most unreasonable thing to think, given Sonic's rocky history. But I'm surprised it took this long for Sega to start paying more attention to what gets said on the BumbleKast when fans use it so regularly as a source of drama.

I've also often felt that they just need to be WAY more selective about what messages they respond to on the show. Questions Ian can't actually answer due to NDAs, questions that are borderline incomprehensible, "questions" that are really just fan ideas. And the haters, oh, the haters. Ian does not need to put up with angry rants about how he should make SonAmy canon or what the fuck ever. Even if Ian's willing to put up with it, as a listener it can make the show just super unpleasant at times when someone aggressive pops up with an inflammatory question. There have been entire BumbleKast Mini episodes I had to skip because they were just obsessive critics of Ian's paying to grill him on a dozen different things and treat him like an idiot.

But at the same time, I get why the show got to be this way. It's become a part-time job for Ian with multiple new episode a week. Given how piss poor the pay tends to be for freelance writers, I can't really blame him for wanting to keep this secondary stream of income open, and to not have to refund people left and right for rejecting their questions. The man's got bills to pay. (And so does Kyle, for whom managing the BumbleKast seems to have become a full-time job.)

I dunno. The man's got the patience of a fucking saint. I would've quit the franchise if I was in his shoes, with people wishing he would die for shit like minor disagreements over Sonic's characterization or him misremembering an obscure old lore thing. While I do hope that Sega doesn't keep too tight of a leash on him moving forward, and I hope that he's still able to speak his mind about his work, part of me also hopes that having to be much more selective about Sonic questions results in less bullshit like this.

[kleptomaniakrow]

hi, i'm back on my brain rot bullshit! so you know what time it is... B^)

hear me out, (some) KorTac men (specifically König, Krueger and Nikto), dating an artist.

normally, i often see most drabbles and other thoughtfully crafted pieces delve down the writer route (go figure)! this prompt fucking possessed me whilst i was working on some art, so i'm imposing this idea into the ether for all of you to see!

kept it gender neutral! but there might be one femme-leaning pet-name + the use of "little one" for Nikto's bit! i am not a russian-speaking native so i hope the one i grabbed is gender neutral as well (feel free to correct me if it isn't)!

personally i'm run with his government first name being "Andre," this is not canon btw!

if they're a little ooc? uh... i'm still figuring out how to write these three idiots (affectionate)!

this barely proof read so if you see typos? uh... no you didn't.

enjoy these little pebbles of purely sickeningly sweet, silly fluff under the cut!🖤

♚ König. . .

✦ he would fucking love to see your drawings i will die on this fucking hill! this fact about you was one of the most exciting thing he ever learned about you! by god was this man like a child in a candy store witnessing all of your art pieces, new or old! ✦ this big, burly man gets so soft and proud seeing your sketches become finalized pieces. the art of creation is always such a wonderous marvel to behold in his opinion! seeing you tune out the rest of the world, when you fully submerge yourself into the motions is remarkable sight to behold. he's privileged that you let him be a witness to it! ✦ honestly, let's be real. he would take this chance to just stare at you (affectionately). because you're too deep in your own little world—likely with headphones on or music playing—perhaps even a podcast of choice! consuming your audio of choice as you pen your ideas to paper, be it on actual paper or on a more digital medium! ✦ if you ever, and i genuinely mean EVER, take the time to draw his portrait (with or without his face coverings)? just know this man would full-on bawl like a baby. pathetic snot dribbling from his nose, horrendously tearful but it's all for good reasons, please don't worry! ✦ "Mein schatz..." / "Do you like it?" / "I've no words that would do it justice... it's... incredible, maus." ✦ i bet fucking money he'd save that to his phone, keep a copy of it in his pocket of a kevlar vest. something tangible that you earnestly made for him with intents of capturing your muse onto parchment. between photos of you he keeps to himself, little traces of your existence just make his heart sing. parchment long since creased from how many times he's opened it and closed it, weathered and worn but it's something you made for him to keep. these items that were made or owned by you are invaluable, no amount of money could every buy these off of him. you, as well as anything you make, are treasures he'd protect indefinitely. ✦ in the sense of a long-distance relationship be it for deployment or otherwise, you'd often share what you're working on. be it still images or (stable internet, be willing), you lull him to sleep with delicate humming a tune you're listening to whilst sharing your screen, he'd watch you work on projects you're determined to see to fruition if he couldn't be home to observe you himself. ✦ if you're ever insecure about your work, this big ass goof (affectionate) would stumble over his words but he'd want nothing more than for you to constantly be up his ass about what you do, side-hustle or hobby otherwise. ✦ König is your number 1 supporter, he'd sooner turn in his premature grave before he'd ever slip up on an opportunity to let you think otherwise. even if you find your talent lackluster by comparison, he'd perish atop mountains shouting how talented his beloved Schatz is! the way you breath life into such fictitious subjects always drew him in. especially with how you drew eyes and expressions! (when he noticed you often mimic the facial creases yourself when focusing on expressions, but he'd never tell you. it's too precious to point out so brazenly). ✦ frankly, if this passion of yours is important to you? it's important to him, and he will not budge on this. what sparks you joy will be a wonderous experience for him too, and what partner would he be if he wasn't supportive of your interests, hobbies or line of work?

♜ Krueger. . .

✦ see, Sebastian would be a bit interesting because you'd think at first he'd pay little to no mind. ✦ his steps are so quiet around the house that half the time you're just ignorant of his presence for several minutes. a comedically long while before the inkling of someone behind you ever crossed your mind. ✦ it's not that you'd mind (not unless he scares the proverbial piss out of you, of course) but he just can't help but be curious. maybe he's not one for the modern arts (perhaps more classical?) but... you're his darling little liebling, he isn't so much as a fool to be ignorant of your interests. ✦ however he's not too partial to being separate from you; Krueger gives me the impression he's partial to physical touch... when he wants to be that is (frankly he's no better than a cat in my eyes). ✦ "Schatzi?" / "Hmmm~?" / "Come, bring your little drawing things with you if you must but I need you here," ✦ he now fully sees a character design you've been working on and admittedly... curiosity does get the better of him and he begins inquiring what you're working on whilst your form settles into his. ✦ "Oh! This is a commission for someone who paid me illustrate a character for their indie game!" he just nods along, allowing you space to involve him into this little world of yours. revealing to him the various concepts tossed back and forth between you and your client. ✦ Sebastian is (quietly) fascinated by how your creative little mind works. keenly taken notes, exhibiting your perceptive attentive to rather pedantic details―it's so (annoyingly) endearing. he's come to find himself enamored, entertained even, by your eccentric interests. your fixations are ones that vastly differ from his, but these are distinctive traits he's come to adore you for. ✦ he jokingly threw out the idea of how he'd look in such a world of whimsy given your subjects of focus is often fantasy. oh boy, he shouldn't have said that because now you have ideas and that is dangerous to give one's partner with only their imagination as a limiter. ✦ he'd be physically unable to admit to it, but he'd likely have saved the drawings that poured every ounce of love into. utterly taken by your imaging him in a knight's garb rather than tac pants and kevlar. the thought of you seeing him as such a regal-looking protector... he struggles to give name the feeling a name most days. the one that makes his stomach feel light and fluttery, his heart feel like a frantic bird caged by bone instead of metal. that same one makes his cheeks and ears warmer than normal.

♞ Nikto. . .

✦ see, there's just something about Nikto that gives me the impression he wouldn't even ask. however, don't mistake this as disinterest! baby boy is so fucking curious what his little one is doing! he's just unsure how to articulate such a.. loaded question(?) and you seem so focused on what you're doing! ✦ i kinda see him doing that animal-thing. y'know, the one where he just quietly observes every subtle movement, noise or expression that catches his eye‒you two more often than not just kinda "co-exist" together in the same shared space. not always needing to talk verbally. finding comfort in peaceful, silent company is more than enough between you two! this life led with tranquility is more than he'd ever dare to ask for. ✦ instead, i can see him bringing you sustenance and fluids, you're keeping yourself so, so busy! but you need to eat and drink at some point! things he knows you like! things that he's memorized by heart! it's always the quiet bitches like him (affectionate) who have an internalized backlog of information when it comes to you. it took quite the adjustment period when you made the off-handed remark that you like a specific blend of tea, and he ensured you'd never run out. ✦ little did he know, you were working on a passion project of the indie development. working along side a few other individuals, and you were the one designing characters for a game jam! intending to make a concept a protagonist who's build you're not exactly familiar with drawing (bulky, trained, fit. think professional dead lifter types which distantly remined you of Nikto). ✦ he couldn't help but notice that the usual focus is now tightly knit with frustration. the quiet, concerned glance he shot your way went unnoticed, far too deep in your own thoughts to really pay any heed to the brewing worry. he had to say something... anything to snap you out of this mental limbo that deafened you. ✦ "любимый?" ("beloved?") / "Huh?" / "Something troubles you...?" / "Trouble me?— oh! No, no I'm okay!" / "Your expression tells me different... will you allow me to listen? To.. help?" ✦ eventually the big brutish bear cuts through your thoughts to source the root of your worries! frankly, it'd cause you to wrinkle far earlier than you mean to! as prompted, you're airing out your grievances with this project being out of your comfort zone. it's hard to come up with a concept that you're happy with and you've deadlines to meet. he listens to you diligently, he may not understand the full weight of your plight; it matters to you, then it matters to him. ✦ you don't know how exactly, but eventually, somehow, you ended up enlisting Nikto's assistance! his figure is close enough the concepts the head of your team posted onto your inspiration board! ✦ somehow, that incorrigible art block just... magically vanished, it was mind boggling even to you. Nikto didn't really understand given all he did was slide you a few photos or posed for your creative use. but the creases on your brow line were softer if not gone entirely, so he'd consider his intervention a success. ✦ you find yourself looking at the game's protagonist (whom you coyly suggested he be named "Andre" for no suspicious reason at all), and you're elated! proud of it, too! it's evident that he bears Nikto's likeness in more than a few aspects aspects! aside from the build, of course. Nikto has been watching you work your magic, manifesting such artistry from nothing but your own thoughts. finding himself in awe watching, left only with silent reverence upon seeing you in your natural habitat of creation was... breath taking. however, he couldn't help but notice his heart thumping against his ribcage a little harder seeing his likeness in something you made. it was... flattering? is that the word he's feeling? seeing how you took characteristics that elicit hardship or grief but you captured his image with calm, quiet confident air. was this how you saw him, truly?

[wolverigrl]

The Beauty and the Beast

Logan Howlett x Reader!mutant!

Soo I've decided to try out writing one shots again. The last time I did that.. oh hell.. definitely some years ago. So please don't judge if it's not a masterpiece. I hope you still enjoy this imaginary! <3

Please let me know what you think about it!

Warnings: Mostly fluff, maybe here and there some swearing, but that's all

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It was one of those fun evenings that you could only experience if you lived with Wade Wilson. Today, however, was a special occasion: Wade's house party.

The apartment that Y/N shared with Blind Al and him was filled with many different people - friends that Wade had made over the years. And then there was the new roommate, Logan Howlett, who most people only knew as Wolverine. He actually came from a different timeline, but after they both fought Cassandra Nova, Logan was more like stranded in this universe. According to Wade's brief tales, the Wolverine unfortunately had no future in his world, but he did in theirs.

Y/N, unlike Wilson, was a quiet person. One who rarely said much, but always listened and observed. She was the perfect example of still waters run deep. It was this calmness that fascinated Wade from the very beginning when they met in that cruel experimental camp. They both went through hell and became mutants in the end.

Y/N developed the ability to project the pain and feelings of others onto herself or onto others - a power that was both a curse and a blessing. Wade, with his regenerative ability and wacky sense of humor, had quickly become a steady anchor for her. He was her best friend who understood her like no one else. She lost her memory as a result of the human despising experiments, which is why she still doesn't know exactly who she is today.

They had stuck together ever since they had escaped the camp, and Wade never hesitated to make fun of Y/N's quieter ways - in his own affectionate way.

Lately, though, he found a new target for his jokes: Logan and Y/N. It hadn't escaped Wade's notice, nor Blind Al's, that there was an unspoken tension between the two, even though they had barely spoken since Logan moved in.

Y/N had kept an eye on Logan from day one. It was hard not to. He was, after all, an imposing figure - broad shouldered, muscular, with an prominent face and those eyes that always looked a little melancholy, as if they had seen and suffered too much. His kitty cat hair and beard, which Wade loved to make the target of his jokes, gave him an almost animalistic appearance.

Every morning, Logan and y/n met almost simultaneously in the apartment because they had one thing in common. Insomnia. In the kitchen, Logan prepared coffee for both of them, and she made breakfast or dinner in return. They ate together in silence, but they both always looked at each other when the other wasn't looking. If their eyes met, they both gave each other a warm smile. Sometimes, it was irritating for Logan that he was hardly ever grumpy towards her, but he couldn't even help it.

One evening, Y/n came home after a walk. She took her towel and clothes from her room and walked into the bathroom. To her surprise, she saw Logan standing in front of her in just a towel tied around his hips. His hair was wet, just like his upper body. He turned to her and cleared his throat.

"Sorry about that. I'm almost done." He said in his deep voice.

Y/n felt the warmth on her face. There was a lot of humidity and heat in the room, which made it feel harder for her to breathe properly after seeing him like that. Before she nodded and left the room, she couldn't help but let her eyes wander over Logan's body again. She had to admit that she found him incredibly attractive.

But it wasn't just his looks that attracted Y/N; it was the depth that lay within him, a darkness she knew all too well.

Wade noticed those looks from day one and couldn't help but comment on them every time. At breakfast, Y/N sat quietly, absorbed in her thoughts, when Wade came in, tousled her hair, and said, "Good morning, sunshine! Are you dreaming about our hairy roommate again? Tell me, do you prefer him in flannel or without anything?"

Grinning, he put his head on Logan's shoulder, who was looking into the open fridge.

Y/N choked on her coffee and started coughing like mad.

Logan, in return, roughly pulled his shoulder away and tensed his jaw.

"Bub, you really want to go through the void scenario again?" Logan growled, closing the fridge. Wade just laughed out loud and stood behind y/n.

"Oh please, Logan! You know, well, I'm just teasing you." replied Wade, unimpressed. He started massaging y/n's shoulders and added with a wink: "But honestly, y/n why so shy? Don't be so old school and make the first move yourself. I mean, Logan may look like a wild animal, but deep down, he's a cuddly bear."

Blind Al walked by the open kitchen door and just shook her head and mumbled, "One day Logan's really gonna rip his head off, and I'm gonna fucking enjoy it."

That night, while the party was playing at full volume and Wade was getting into over-the-top shenanigans with the guests, Logan suddenly realized that y/n was no longer in the room. He looked around, but it was as if she had vanished into thin air. His eyes wandered to the window front that led to a fire escape. By now, he knew that it was typical for her to hide in places like this when the crowd got too much for her.

Logan pushed his way through the people and stepped out into the cool night. There, on the fire escape, he found y/n. She was sitting on the metal step, her arms wrapped around her knees and staring off into the distance. The lights of the city glittered before her like an endless sea.

"Are you here to hide from Wade, or are you just enjoying the view?" Logan finally asked, his voice quiet and low.

Y/n smiled faintly. "Maybe a little of both. Sometimes I just need a moment to think, you know?"

He nodded thoughtfully, though he knew she didn't look at him.

"I know what it's like, bub. Sometimes, it's hard to get a clear head when everything around you is so loud."

"Yeah." she replied quietly before adding after a pause, "But you know what I still don't understand? How someone like Wade managed to get someone like you soft."

Logan snorted and gave her a skeptical look. "Soft? That's not exactly the word I'd choose."

Y/n smiled. "Oh come on. You never would have gotten yourself into such a mess if there wasn't something about Wade that made you...let's say, more human."

Logan scanned her face in the dark with a smile and stopped his eyes on her lips.

"Maybe you're right," he murmured with a smile. "Or maybe I've just gone crazy."

He sat down next to her, and the metal creaked softly under his weight. They sat side by side in silence for a while, listening to the distant hum of the city and the muffled noise of the party behind them.

"It's nice out here," Logan finally said and leaned back. He put his head back in the neck, closed his eyes, and breathed in the cool air.

Y/n looked over at him and felt a comforting warmth in her stomach area as her eyes traveled from his profile down to his neck and then to his muscular torso.

Y/n smiled. "I like being here when your own world is a little noisy."

Logan opened his eyes again and nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant. "I understand what you mean. Sometimes, you just need distance."

Y/n looked at the city again for a moment. There was a brief, comfortable silence.

Her voice was soft, almost hesitant. "May I ask what your real story is?"

He looked at her sideways, surprised by her question, but then he looked off into the distance. "I've lost a lot. More than any human should have to bear... and it's all my own fault." He paused as if collecting himself before continuing. "I was born in the early 1800s. Went through all that crap - wars, experiments, the loss of people I cared about. And then I became... what I am today. A man with a skeleton made of adamantium, unable to die." he sighed.

"One night, a group of humans went mutant hunting and attacked the X-Men. I had just tumbled out of the nearest bar and heard the screams of my own people."

He began to play with his hands and became tense before continuing on about how he didn't help his team and let them die.

Y/n listened attentively without interrupting him. Her sympathy for him grew, so she slowly began to project his feelings onto herself. She felt incredibly sorry to see him like this. He had already been through so much and now it was all coming up again because of her curiosity.

She could feel all the hatred and sadness that was deep inside him. With tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, she looked at her hands.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows and suddenly fell silent. He didn't feel a single emotion when he continued his story. Not like he was used to. He looked to Y/n.

"What are you doing to me?" he asked in a calm voice.

Y/n's head lifted, and she blinked away her tears, smiling. "I'm sorry." She said softly and put her hand on his.

Silence for a moment. Logan stared at their hands and realized what just happened. He looked at her.

"I've learned to deal with it, bub. As best I can."

They were both silent for a while, lost in thoughts. Finally, it was Logan who broke the silence again. "And you? How did you get your powers?"

Y/n took a deep breath before she began. "Unfortunately, I can only remember the day I was taken to the experimental camp. They ran various tests on me there. Wade was there too, at the same time. We got to know each other there."

She paused as the memory of those horrible days overcame her. Logan squeezed her hand lightly, as if to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Wade and I kept each other alive," she continued softly. "Without him, I probably wouldn't still be here. He made me laugh, even in the worst moments. And at some point, we managed to escape. Since then... well, he's kept me on my toes ever since. Eventually, I made a new friend and now have powers that allow me to project the feelings and pain of others onto myself."

Logan nodded in understanding. "Wade may be crazy, but he's got a big heart. Even if he likes to hide it behind his stupid sayings."

Y/n smiled at those words. "Yeah, that's true. He's my best friend. Without him, I don't think I would have ever found my way out of my darkness."

"Then I guess I owe him," Logan said, his gaze soft but serious.

"Maybe," Y/n replied softly. Their eyes met, and in that moment, the connection between them felt stronger than ever. It was as if they understood each other through their shared experiences and the pain they both knew.

Logan looked at y/n, and in her eyes he recognized a pain so similar to his own that it almost took his breath away.

The distance between them seemed to close as they leaned towards each other, as if drawn by some unseen force.

"Logan..." Y/n whispered barely audibly as her eyes slid to his lips.

He didn't answer with words. Instead, he removed his hand from hers and placed it on her cheek. His thumb gently stroked her skin. The world around them seemed to blur as they drew even closer. It was as if they only existed in that moment. Only for each other.

And then, without further hesitation, Logan closed the last few inches between them. His lips met hers, gently at first, almost hesitantly, as if testing to see if she was about to pull away. Y/n's eyes closed as she returned the kiss and her hand finding its way to his neck as she let herself fall deeper into the kiss.

It was a kiss full of unspoken words, full of emotions that neither of them had been able to express before.

The world around them disappeared, there was only the feeling of their lips meeting in a mixture of tenderness and desire. But as beautiful as this case was, it was interrupted with a familiar voice.

"Heyy are you two making out here? Without me?" Wade's voice boomed into the night, accompanied by his trademark wide grin.

"Logan, you old romantic, you really picked the perfect moment to start a fling with y/n. Shall I get the camera? Wait a minute, I need popcorn too - what's on today, 'Beauty and the Beast'?"

Logan immediately backed off, while y/n slapped a hand over her face, half annoyed, half amused. "Gosh Wade..." she began, but he interrupted her immediately.

"What? I mean, I totally get it - Logan is a sight to behold! And those biceps, mmmh! But honestly, Logan! You, the man who usually stares at walls like they're his greatest enemies, are suddenly in the middle of a rom-com moment? What's next? Candle light dinner and a love song in the background?

Tell me you at least have some cool lines in store before you fuck her!"

Y/n reached out with her hand and smacked Wade's thigh, laughing. Her embarrassment was forgotten.

Logan, on the other hand, sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes as if trying to erase Wade's voice from his brain.

"For fuck's sake Wade, I swear, if you-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'if I say one more sentence, I'll have your claws up my ass'. Been there, done that."

Wade grinned broadly and winked at y/n.

"But, y/n, come on, I need to know - how does it feel sucking on the lips of the King of grumpiness? Electrifying? Did you feel sparks? Or did he just taste like whiskey and world weariness?"

Y/n couldn't help but shook her head with a laugh and looked at Logan. He scanned her face and you'd swear the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards.

"Wade" Logan admonished, his voice an octave lower, "if you don't get out of here right now, you might not live to see your next birthday."

Wade raised his hands in a gesture of peace.

"Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt you two lovebirds. But seriously, Logan, if you've come this far, do it right! A kiss under the stars? Come on, it's movie material!"

Y/n looked back up at Wade with a smile. Logan just shook his head, but a small smile crept onto his face.

"You're impossible, Wade."

"And that's exactly why you two love me so much! Now get your bums in here before Blind Al starts beating us all with her crutches!"

Wade winked at them before disappearing back into the apartment, still laughing.

Y/n and Logan glanced at each other, and an unspoken understanding passed between them. The moment had been shattered, but the connection they felt remained.

"He really is crazy," Logan finally muttered as they stood up.

"Yeah" Y/N replied with a soft smile. "But he brings out the best in us, doesn't he?"

"I guess he does," Logan agreed before he put a hand on her back, and they both stepped back into the noisy, chaotic world inside where Wade was surely already planning their next escapade.

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[imdoingjustgr8]

hey

soooo... how have any fellow td fans been coping recently

meme aside, i got """a bit""" of a vent coming below that no one's obligated to read. and if you do, forgive me if it ends up long asf and kind of all over the place. it was 5 in the morning when i began writing and i just want a place to get all my thoughts out or i won't be able to sleep in peace.

so, here it goes:

td suddenly being taken down out of nowhere and confirmed to be canceled, never to come back was a massive bummer and all, but honestly? i've been taking the news of the official td discord server's impending deletion much harder. don't get me wrong, i do feel really damn bad for outlaik, i just find him dropping td much easier to accept than seeing the first and only big dc community i've ever joined, that encouraged me to post so much sonexe art in the first place, hell, even have made a bit of a name for myself in (literally being known as "the sonexe guy") be sent to oblivion along with it.

to think that i initially only played a random goofy-looking sonic.exe roblox game out of sheer boredom, to think that i initially joined the discord to only make player reports and maybe lurk around. but when i discovered the creations channel, i've ended up checking that very channel almost religiously, posted alot of my own silly drawings, and met so many cool, funny people and amazing fellow artists that have inspired me to this day.

i've only been around for 2 (and a half?) years, so to see everything go down to shit so suddenly was really jarring. i tend to be a really sentimental guy, like "i hoard 1000+ pictures of a sand sculpture i just built in multiple angles" levels of sentimental, so the thought of all those fun interactions and discussions, creative takes and suggestions, and amazing art that i couldn't all save becoming inaccessable to look back on, to become completely wiped out soon has been pretty distressing to me. it doesn't help that most of the artists i've followed on there don't seem to have links or have posted on other platforms.

one of my biggest comforting hopes at the moment is that if anyone else from on there i've interacted with happens to see this and recognize me, artist or not, i'd be really happy to give you a follow! and to those who don't, if i might not see you again for awhile or ever, i wish you well and hope you know you're cool asf. like, i seriously feel very lucky and grateful of how nice and unexpectedly crazy-supportive everyone was, especially with my first ever sonexe post. i really mean it when i said you're all what encouraged me to post without fearing massive judgement and made me feel excited to share my silly doodles and ideas. seriously, thank you all.

also, i feel as if this is something that needs to be said, or atleast said more; i hope that people would learn to be more considerate of outlaik's pov on everything. i seriously doubt anyone would have the motivation to continue a project they wanted to move on from long ago in the first place. getting a copyright claim on his ass, having his acc and dev career at risk, still being constantly interrogated about td's return (bc of ppl making shit up) when he's already done all he could was just the final nail in the coffin for him with the game. i respect him wanting to just quickly move on and i do hope he finds successs, possibly pull even more than what he got from td with current and future projects he can fully enjoy. i'd also have to thank him and his game for bringing us all together in the first place.

ok big sappy rant over. idk how to end this gracefully i just rlly want to go to sleep atp lmao. i've been typing for 4 straight hours kill me rn

good mor-night 😪