#i think this mindset of mine was because of how i always managed to get good grades in tests lol

[sleepless-crows]

i really believe that anyone can do anything. its just that we get better at the things we spend effort doing. and you'll only progress if you believe in yourself. like i believe i could draw if i spent hours learning how to. i believe i could play the piano really well if i actually practiced. i believe i can be a good dancer as long as i actually dance instead of just cringing at myself. i believe i can learn sleight of hand if i practice playing with cards every day. like it may be cliche and cheesy but my life motto really is you only live once. and i want to spend my life being able to do as many things as i can, acquire all the skills that i can, and live my life fully

[nico-esoterica]

Your thinking is an investment.

(Long Post): Even if shit doesn't hit the fan right away, you're planning for that story to eventually happen. If you hate your job, your living situation, your life path, whatever it is, the story you're telling about it to others and yourself is always manifesting. You can't turn it off. It's okay to not enjoy it, hate it, etc. But it's important to pivot your mindset and investing in seeing it changing. Whatever you tell yourself consistently will play out.

I'm going to discuss intrusive thoughts and OCD below and how I managed mine while manifesting:

Intrusive thought/OCD wise, it's not any or every thought that pops up in your brain. It's just what you validate. Even if you're afraid or paranoid about xyz, your emotional mind thinks it's real but the rest of you doesn't. Your mental responses you can't control aren't going to manifest. In therapy, you learn that you don't have to give these fleeting thoughts power, even if they're incessant. You still have control. It's also totally okay if you vent about your circumstances btw. That's not going to affect anything if you say it won't.

Everyone is always going through something. And during all this, especially with transitioning from taking full control after a lifetime of thinking you couldn't, it may feel like absolutely nothing is going on and shit can feel frustrating. However, what you don't know is that you're rewriting all of the people and situations you've changed your mind about. You may not see the full changes right away, but please take every single 'coincidence' as a sign of it working, because it is. People are going to start being nicer and more considerate, situations will be less frustrating, money will be more fluid, and your mental health will improve. It's also okay to be emotional, frustrated, and to just not be okay. If your story overall doesn't change, you're fine. Let those emotions flow!

There's going to be a lot of epiphanies and break throughs, especially if you start nurturing your self concept and apply that peace of mind it gives to everything. You're going to start noticing harmful thought patterns you've had, decisions you've made because of conditioning, and you'll see what you need to internally let go of. This is where therapy, therapeutic tools, and different spiritual practices and rituals come in to help this adjustment. There's no one size fits all for everyone so you should ideally find what speaks to you and not what you 'think' you should adopt. Your intuition, imo, will help you out here. This may be a period where you purge out old relationships, habits, and lifestyles which don't align with you anymore. They may even simply fall off on their own. None of this has to happen but is what I see in a lot of people due to my own journey. But nothing bad has to happen nor do you need to sacrifice anything. That's Hollywood-dramatic, lmao. You just may not resonate with a lot of shit anymore. And that's OKAY! It's great tbh. You're going to notice people's limitations they impose on you or themselves immediately too.

The second you say shit's new, then it is. When you continue to choose it or persist, you'll notice the wheels moving. After a week, month, months, or a year or more, your circumstances are going to dramatically change. They can literally happen over night if you like your shit to move fast too. After a while, you're going to understand the mechanics of how YOU personally manifest and what you like to do vs what you don't. There's no one size fits all. It doesn't matter if you've tried a thousand techniques. As long as you say everything you do is working and you are a stubborn motherfucker, your mind's going to get used to it and will stop fighting you on everything, especially if you're neurodivergent. Speaking from experience. When you tell your brain who's boss consistently, it takes you at your word and the trust you have in yourself to choose the best outcomes you develop from your self concept starts running in the background. It'll become easier to self-soothe, reassure yourself, and regulate your nervous system. When you say you're in control, your universe says 'okay, bet' and you'll find those resources easily or you'll start naturally doing them.

You're constantly investing in what works for you or works against you. You're either trusting in things working or working against your favor. That's why it's always good to think great things about yourself regardless of circumstances how things look or seem or how the past played out. All outcomes shift immediately with your awareness of what you think is possible. Your senses are limited and this is why it's crucial to let your imagination do the rest. Because shit always catches up. Your brain can't tell the difference between what you think you're experiencing vs what you actually are irl.

So if you continually tell yourself good things are happening or will, there has to be a confirmation bias for that. Your brain runs off your logic at all times. Therefore, you can rationalize that anything can work and it will. From a nitty gritty pov, you should always make sure to still be reasonable about shit, like to not blow your rent on some bs in one night. But after a while, you'll be able to do that and it won't be a problem. Don't stress your mental bandwidth out like that at first unless you have the inner resources to lock in on a good outcome. Dream big and do all things big, but do so safely without risking your mental health.

Whatever you invest in, positive or negative, will always pay off. Choose them wisely :)

[misfitclassismyfreetherapy]

Let's all agree that THIS is a gold mine for making OCs without it being called a furry right? Also, great ass lore. I love the idea of them having sensitive hearing bcs of all the ears.

Once again, I am in awe on how divergent some characters are, I knew MeiMei seems to stand out more than others, that is so cool. Also, not Mairuma managing to compensate for lack of race representations by paralleling it? Ah, ofc they always exceed expectations. Nishi needs to stop feeding us so well, we'll get greedy (do not stop. continue)

I am once again, ASTOUNDED on how Mairuma manages to represent subservient relationship without it being icky. (MeiMei is such an icon. Independent woman, my beloved ♡)

Once again, a valid reason for the patriarchy (surprisingly. but again this is mairuma, so.) Also, it's not much of a 'discrimination' situation in my eyes, since I think most demons aren't oppose to them being independent as shown with MeiMei. I'd even go as far to say the demons would be impressed with how accepting the netherworld seems so far!

Here's where I think happened, they chose to have this role. Listen, I know they said themselves without exceptional talent, it's only natural to be codependent on stronger demons. Not the best mindset, but studies prove their not wrong either. Remember, Mephisto asked them for their cooperation, the many ears are the one who brought up that they'll be the subordinate. Keep that in mind. This relationship haven't really seem to be all that bad, the demons who work with the many ears don't seem to oppose such idea, because they're demons. If someone offered to be an assistant to help you achieve your desire, why would they say no? It's sad, my reaction was like Iruma as well, it felt kind of somber but it's still universes better than ours. How ironic that the real world's patriarchy sistem is worse than hell's.

I love Nova already. He's such a good kid, with such a stubborn (a bit cynical I'd admit) mind that I cant help but go 'okay, so, thank the fucking god this kid gets pagetime.' This correlates to stereotypes that we, in real life. Deal with as well. Also, can we talk about how in every arc, we get such gender-nuetral looking characters? I absolutely love that, honestly.

Lastly, of course Iruma would be the best boy. Holy shit, I adore how the manga constantly reminds me 'yeah, Iruma bcms more greedy, yet he's still best boy.' It's just such a great feeling. Not even a few seconds into the introduction that Nova already finds Iruma ethereal. Like- honestly.. same. I love this chapter so much. Leave it to Nishi for surpassing our expectations.

[insanityclause]

When Tom Hiddleston landed his career-changing role in Marvel’s Thor back in April 2009, he never dreamed he would be playing the character for nearly 15 years. To be fair, no one did—except maybe Marvel’s mastermind Kevin Feige, who had begun laying the cinematic groundwork for a multi-billion dollar franchise. At the time, Hiddleston happily threw himself into extensive research and prep to play the duplicitous brother of Thor (Chris Hemsworth).  “I was cast in April 2009, and I had about eight months to build the character from the ground up,” Hiddleston says on this week’s Little Gold Men. “So that was a deep dive into everything Loki from any comic book, any Norse myth, any saga, everything—from the whole run of Marvel comics to the ancient Scandinavian stories, and how he pops up in The Ring cycle for Wagner, and Jim Carrey is wearing the mask of Loki in The Mask.” Hiddleston was trying to discover “this sense of, what's Loki's impact on human imagination and culture? And then synthesizing all of that into the story we’re telling. That was such a delightful period of discovery and curiosity.”

Hiddleston’s scene-stealing portrayal made him an instant fan favorite, laying a formidable foundation for a character who went on to appear in six more films and the stand-alone series Loki. The two-season series threw the character into a new dimension and timeline, stripped him of all his creature comforts, and gave the actor new challenges to tackle.

“In successive iterations, [my approach] has been, how do I keep it interesting?” he says. “I genuinely say this to myself and to others: ‘We're not reheating yesterday's meal in the microwave. We're cooking up something new.’ It's trying to find new ingredients or new challenges for the character, for us as actors, so that it feels like the same person is growing. Because that's what human beings do. They don't stay the same, they grow. Sometimes they regress, but there's always movement.”

Hiddleston has gone on to star in a wide array of projects outside the Marvel universe, of course, from his Emmy-nominated, Golden Globe-winning work in The Night Manager to Jim Jarmusch’s acclaimed romantic vampire drama Only Lovers Left Alive and Steven Spielberg’s epic War Horse. But he’s definitely spent the most time with the God of Mischief. And though no official announcement has been made, the final episode of Loki season two strongly indicates the closing of a formative chapter.

The actor and executive producer stopped by Little Gold Men for a thoughtful discussion about the gift of developing and playing a single character for so long, the surreal fun of working with drama school classmates turned costars Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Wunmi Mosaku, and getting to come up with the character's last line (for now). Listen below, where you can also read excerpts from the conversation.

Vanity Fair: Did the series version of Loki feel a little more stripped down, or did you have the same kind of mindset playing him as you did in the films? Tom Hiddleston: Yes. I think it was stripped down literally in the sense of taking away the costume, but stripped down spiritually and in his soul. I thought [the concept] was such a brilliant idea, and it wasn't mine. It was [executive producers] Michael Waldron and Kevin Wright, and the great and the good at Marvel Studios. I thought for any character, if you were presented with your life and watching a kind of highlight reel of it, what would it add up to? Would it be satisfying? Would it be meaningful? Would it be amusing? Would it be disappointing? And I thought to do that with Loki especially, as it's the journey of a life that the audience is familiar with, but he hasn't seen it. I just thought it was a brilliant conceit. And then I leaned into this idea of the leopard being challenged to change his spots. Because you'd have to if your life ended up in murder by Thanos and humiliation. You'd want to try something new.

And that was really fun, developing a story which was actually very philosophical. It asks the question of Loki, as I hope it asks the question of all of us: Are we in control of the course of our lives? Do we have any free will, and can we break free from any kind of predetermination? It seemed like a great question, and a fun way to ask it.

You’re also an executive producer on the series. How did you take on that role? What did you get to do?

Honestly, it was such an honor and I loved it. I loved the extra imagining and problem solving. I was invited into the writer's room really early, season one, even earlier on season two. And to borrow the words from Lin Manuel Miranda, to be in the room where it happens, and to sit around the table and break story and crunch through the great creative ‘what if’ questions—what if Loki did this? What if Mobius [Owen Wilson] did that? What if they couldn't find Sylvie? What if the TVA ran on an energy source, and it wasn't energy, it was time?

Can you take any credit for bringing Ke Huy Kwan or your RADA buddies Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Wunmi Mosaku on board? I love that that was a little bit of a through-line, that you all got to work together.

Well, when their names came up, Gugu and Wunmi particularly, I was able to say, those guys are great. And Ke was just an amazing idea because actually, [his character] Ouroboros was coming to life on the page. Somebody suggested Ke, and Everything Everywhere All At Once had just come out. And I was like, genius: somebody call him now before we lose him. He was so joyful and optimistic and happy to be there, so honored to be there. He'd wanted to be in a Marvel project his whole life, I think, and, and he brought everything and more to that character.

The day he landed, he came from the airport straight to the studio, probably thinking, ‘I'll just say hello and go back to my digs.’ And Owen and I were actually rehearsing the scene before Mobius and Loki meet OB for the first time. And he came in and he listened. And then we got to the bit where we were like, ‘You're in the next bit. Do you want to do it?’ He said ‘Okay!’ And he stayed and rehearsed for three hours. I think he felt completely crazy having just [traveled] across the continents, but it was so brilliant. And the chemistry was so immediate between the three of us, and so funny. We all love Ke.

Thinking about your journey with this character and all the places he has taken you, has there been a surreal aspect to it? I think about you being in drama school with Gugu and Wunmi—now you're getting paid to play.

It's a wonderful question, and I'm never unaware of the great gift that this job is. Especially because it happens all the time,: I go out into the world and I meet young people or children, and they're so amazed that they’re meeting Loki. I'm obviously not Loki, but the response is so immediate and so emotional and so joyful. What a gift. It's the best job in the world. And I never dreamed back then that I would be part of something with such reach and for so long. It just is the most unlikely, surprising, delightful thing. And we—Wunmi and Gugu I've known for a long time. It is amazing to look and go, ‘Can you believe we're here, we're doing this?’ It is exciting too, because it feels right in some way and they're great actors. They are brilliant.

Do you get recognized as the character, or are people starting to recognize you for your other work?

Oh, it's always different. I went to a friend's birthday party the other day—a friend and his wife, both turning the same age. They got a taco stand. I went to get my taco and the guys were like, ‘Only Lovers Left Alive, man. Love that film.’ And I said, ‘Thank you very much. That's very kind.’ Some people say The Night Manager. Some people stop me in the street and go, ‘It's you! You're the dancer.’ And they're referring to some talk show, some bit of dancing I did on a talk show from like a thousand years ago, which really tickles me.

Speaking of dancing, I wanted to bring up your physicality. With the most recent season of Loki in particular and that time slip, did you have to have massages and stretch after? Because it seems like such a jarring movement.

It's jerky, yes. I had to put my body under a kind of relentless physical stress. But I think it pays off in the way it's presented. In terms of movement and physicality, it comes from my own admiration for other performers when I sense that there is a really, alive and visceral physicality in the performance. Some of people are great actors, very cerebral, very intelligent, but sometimes not always fully embodied. And I love the actors who are giving me a sense that the whole body is occupying whichever space that is. They could be on a horse, they could be driving a car, they could have just run in through the jungle. I don't know, it could be anything, but a real sense of physicality is always something I admire in other actors.

One of my favorite things in doing a little research about your work on this season was that you got to craft Loki’s last lin,e and it also maybe came from going on a run. Can you talk about that? Well, first on running, I love it and it is a big part of my life. And a big part of my creative life. Running outside, in space, in the world with only your own legs to carry you and your own breath to fuel you, I find incredibly freeing. And it's where I do some of my best thinking and dreaming and imagining. Things bubble up from inside you. So I often run at the beginning of a day, very early and with an awareness of what's coming, what the scenes of the day are. Sometimes things will bubble up. And maybe that's just extra oxygen in the brain, who knows? 

But to the point about that last line: one of the things I kept trying to guide our team back to was that the whole series, both seasons, was really about finding purpose, or re-finding, re-defining, re-discovering a sense of purpose. And I think a primal need in all of us, is that we need our lives to mean something. So I kept coming back to this line from The Avengers, ‘I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose.’ And we kept thinking, well, if Loki has a second chance, he gets to redefine his purpose or re-imagine it. I went for a run and was listening to some film scores, and it was a beautiful day. I was thinking about the journey of playing this character and where it started, and all the people that I have had the great good fortune to work with and become friends with—that completely unique kind of soul-sharing relationship where you make something together. And I remembered the end of the first Thor film, and how emotional that felt and. I just suddenly thought, that's what he should say—but it should mean something completely different. Loki's last line in Thor, directed by Kenneth Branagh, is, ‘I could have done it, Father. I could have done it for you, for all of us.’ And of course his effort to gain his father's pride has been misguided and ill thought-out. And then at the end of Loki season 2, 14 years later, he turns to Mobius and Sylvie and says, ‘I know what I want I know what kind of god I need to be. For you. For all of us.’ It felt very resonant somehow. I hope the audience picked up on that.

Are you able to just say goodbye when it's wrap time, or do you have any sort of meditative, formal way of saying goodbye to a project or a character?

That's such a good question. I think it's a very honest, immediate feeling of relief, which they say is the most intense human emotion. You'd think it was anger or grief or something, but actually relief is—the way relief kind of washes through you, and a sense of finality that some finish line has been crossed and there are no more miles to run. And for me anyway, huge amounts of energy have been stored inside myself which had been poured out over time—over maybe 20 weeks or however many months. 

I love that feeling of completeness. The great joy of what I do for a living is that it involves very intense, very close working with a team. And the pride that you can feel with your teammates, with your crew, with your cast—you just hang around and say goodbye, but it never really is goodbye. And there's just a sense of, like, “that'll do, pig,” you know? Yeah: that'll do, pig.

[kafus]

kinda crazy how writing is far from my main hobby but it was also my first hobby? not by much, but i really started taking my stride with doodling and art at age 7, yet before that at age 5 i was writing self insert pokemon fanfiction (i didn't even know the term "fanfiction") on my mom's windows xp computer in microsoft word, and she still has all her files from back then so i can still access those stories today lol

a friend of mine asked me recently how to start writing and it occurred to me i had no idea how to answer because i've been writing basically as soon as i was able to. i wrote stories on looseleaf in school, stories on my mom's PC, i poured way too much effort into my english school assignments as a child, i've always been writing. as a kid i even said i wanted to be a writer/novelist when i got older

it's kind of unfortunate how far i've strayed from writing. there's a lot of reasons i didn't write a ton as a teenager and why i write so sparingly now, but the main two are a whole lot of bullying and disparaging comments from people i considered my friends about my writing around age 13/14, and also... my DID? i was so frustrated with being unable to write anything longform or stay attached to characters or ideas for such a long time but it turns out it's because i was switching all the time, having host changes, the works. i don't really lose attachment to characters or ideas all of a sudden anymore now that i have more of a grip on that than i used to

but even still, i never really gained back the level of motivation for it that i had as a kid. as a kid i wrote a 21k word pokemon fanfiction as a freaking 7 year old and it's still the longest thing i've ever written. i literally peaked age 7. now i'm struggling with like, ohhh i want to write a multichapter fic about this likodot boarding school AU i came up with, but i'm terrified to even try because surely i'm going to give up before i get far, surely i am still the teenager with no consistent grasp on identity who's also insecure about her writing and will never finish it... but like man. that's just not true. i want to take baby steps to being comfortable with trying larger writing projects again

i don't think writing will ever be my main hobby again and i love art dearly but at the very least when i do have something i want to write i hope i can form the right mindsets to do it. when i manage, i love writing. (i've also found that compliments on my writing stick with me for literal weeks and mean so much to me in a way that art doesn't? i think because someone took time and energy to really engage with the work, in a way that most people can't or don't with art which they just scroll by on their twitter feed. i still super appreciate it of course but writing is so vulnerable and special and the act of talking to readers is so social... idk!)

[callsign-bunnie]

Wow… I always thought you were inclusive to all fans. Guess not.

Spoilers

I tried to be, and I still try to be to MOST fans, but I have limits and I have lines. I know it's probably been obvious, but I've really drawn back from being socially active in the fandom. I take stands, occasionally, but for the most part, I just block and move on. My block list on tiktok is long, because if I don't like content, I block rather than get upset.

I don't really look at my home page, anymore. Going onto AO3 hits me with so many (niche and specific to me) triggers in a day, that my reason for not reading others' works has shifted from, even though I'm working on managing it, my Dyslexia to just being unable to navigate my own triggers. This isn't anyone's fault, it's mine.

If I'm being honest? My mental health is in the dumpster and while this has a wide variety of reasons, if I can protect it in any way I can, I will. And if this includes having to tell a certain group of fans that they're not welcome on my blog? Unfortunately, that's what has to happen.

I'm not a stranger to fandom wars, as stupid as I think they are, I'm not a stranger to the aggression that happens here. And I have, definitely, been on the other side a few times. My first proper introduction to fandom was Supernatural and FNAF. I STILL deal with seeing posts talking about how a ship I didn't ship is superior to one I do ship for no fucking reason. I understand liking a character, and I understand having villain characters that you still like and love, and I can appreciate the "he's my precious pookie bear and does nothing wrong" mindset to a certain extent.

But I think ignoring Makarov's actions, even if he's a fictional character, even if it's just a game, is ignorant, in today's climate. A prime example of why I cannot get behind it is Russian Terminator. I have... so many reasons I can go through why this man is just awful, but my wife is slightly more educated, so I'll let her take the reigns on that one if she wants. However, he sucks. Objectively. But because he's masked and ripped, I see so many edits of him. So many.

I see people call themselves his "simps" and actively ignore and block those who try to point out his horrific actions and opinions and views and values to them. This man is not a fictional character. He's a real person.

I have always been a huge advocate for "live and let live" in fandom spaces. To an extent that even my wife and I get into arguments over it. My only limit seems to be pedophilia, for personal reasons. And I am not telling you to stop writing Makarov. I'm not even telling you not to find him hot. You can giggle and kick your feet when he "activates your praise kink" in the first mission, I don't care I won't stop you.

But I don't want that in my own space. I protect my peace. This ranges from silly things that just bother me (pricegraves) to big things like this. As my wife stated, Graves committed war crimes. Yes. He killed civilians, and that's inexcusable. But, I feel like this is comparing a passion killing, to systematic murder. Graves would have committed those crimes in any country, but the US. France, England, pretty much any country he could have gotten away with it.

Makarov targeted a country of Arabic people, because he knew about the aggression and islamophobia that exists in the west. He knew that if he pulled some strings a little, he could very easily turn a country just looking for peace into a country of terrorists, in the western media's eyes. This is irredeemable in my eyes.

So, no. I try to be inclusive. Pricegraves fans are still welcome to interact with me. They know by now that I won't write it, I don't really entertain it, and to go to my wife. The same for FarahAlex shippers, and really anyone who ships something on my No-Ship list. (Though please get the memo on that second ship, I'm never gonna budge, I'm sorry.)

I'm sorry if you feel alienated, I know it probably sucks. Trust me, I understand. But, unfortunately, I want to protect my peace, and I want my blog to continue to be my own safe space.

Thank you for understanding.

[danielt1985]

Learning To Love Minecraft Again (A Thread)

Written by Daniel T. Gaming

I've been recently falling in love with Minecraft again. After so long of not playing it. I decided to pick it back up & play it again, and It has been one of my favorite things to play in SO long. However, I did a few things to spruce up my newly found interest.

1. A Fresh Client I had decided to switch over from the tradition Minecraft launcher to the ATLauncher, a mod-eccentric client. And while it may look a tad confusing, it's actually very handy. I am now able to save as many different versions of Minecraft I wanted without my save files or mods controlling one another, unlike the official Minecraft launcher. on top of that, the official launcher also installs a bunch of useless Xbox junk because, well, Microsoft.

2. Bringing Back The Old With the ATLauncher's ability to save as many versions of Minecraft with their own dedicated files & saves, I am now safely able to play older versions of Minecraft as my heart desires.

Right now, I'm playing 2 different versions, Beta 1.7.3 (A version regarded by a LOT of people as one of the best versions of Minecraft to play today), and Release 1.5.2 (The first ever version of the game I EVER played back in 2012). I will still pick up & play Release 1.20 cuz I do like a lot of the new decor pieces & things, but if I ever just want to play a standard game of Minecraft, I have these 2 versions to keep me occupied.

There's also the old legacy versions from Consoles that people are coming back to, but I haven't gotten to those yet, but planned on them soon.

3. Making My Own Goals

My mind has always saw that "Beating the Ender Dragon" was the ultimate goal of Minecraft, and that once it's done, it's done. And while a part of me still feels that way, I'm slowly moving away from that, because that mindset has literally KILLED so many of my past Minecraft maps, and I deeply regret it.

So I started to make my own goals & my own rules. My current survival map never had a bulk smelting machine, so I added one. I never got to refine my mine & make it more like an actual mineshaft, so I got to go & do that.

I don't just want to make Minecraft a point A -> B kinda game. I want to make it a game about creating as much stuff as you can. There are people in this world who have been able to build worlds that have taken them over a DECADE to finish... so why not give yourself that same level of encouragement?

4. Playing With Friends I recently managed to get a personal Minecraft server going on an old PC. And playing with my friends has been an AMAZING experience. It's actually pretty cheap to run a server nowadays, and Bedrock editions now have general multiplayer support, so playing with friends is now becoming even EASIER than ever before.

5. Modding Makes The Difference Although I haven't got to do this one yet, I *am* planning on it, as it's been talked about by a LOT of people. There are actually a handful of mods out there that are not just for entertainment, but for bringing fresh vanilla-eccentric changes to Minecraft to keep its charm that it had in its early stages. Two that I have heard of are ReIndev & Better Than Adventure. Both of which actually run off of Beta 1.7.3 too, so that's neat!

I think personally, what these two mods are doing are GREAT, and I cannot wait to play them.

6. Making It Personal

Personally, I've been handling the game on a more personal level, and not too personal to where it's overbearing, but I mean as in I like to just do traditional fan things that I've done long ago. Watch Minecraft videos, pull out the old Minecraft merch I had from when I was young, listen to the soundtrack, etc.

I haven't felt this attached to Minecraft in SO long, but I am glad it's coming back. I might make this whole thing into a video, but until then, I wanted to make this thread to tell you all how I managed to finally get back in touch with Minecraft.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

Hey bestie I just saw your multiplayer post and 1: I totally get it. Multiplayer sucks so much ass because I’m an impatient motherfucker.

But I wanted to ask you something. I’m so sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or judgmental, just some food for thought (that you may not even need!) from a bestie who is rooting for you!!

Have you ever considered that FOR YOU playing multiplayer with someone might be less about your personal enjoyment and more about doing an activity with a loved one that THEY enjoy?

It sounds like you have people in your life who love something! And they also love you! And they want to share those things with you, even though they aren’t your favorite! Obviously you don’t need to let anyone pressure you into anything, but I think doing un-fun activities that someone else enjoys with them can be a very sweet way of engaging with them selflessly.

Like i fucking hate bowling. So fucking much. I can’t even explain it. But once recently I managed to put that aside because a friend wanted to bowl on her birthday and I didn’t want to rain on the parade.

And I was nervous, like I’m going to ruin this with my bad attitude because I hate bowling. But I decided to try a different mindset? I don’t care if I have fun doing this activity, the fun part is being with my bestie. Joking around, hanging out around her. And it actually made it so much more fun. I don’t know how to describe it but bowling with her was actually fun that day.

And cooperation is so difficult and different even than the bowling example, but I actually have one for that too! I recently tried Portal 2 with my dad (we famously struggle to cooperate and always end up arguing.) But he loves the game and wanted to spend time with me. So I resolved to do it well. Instead of playing the game the way I usually would, I was intentional about playing differently. Because this is a different activity entirely, I’m not playing a game, I’m hanging out with my dad.

I literally just stuck by him, let him tell me what to do, and was blown away when he started asking for my opinion. And since I’d faithfully followed orders, when I had an idea to try he would do the same. And eventually we entered a cooperative zone I’d never before have deemed possible with my father.

So anyway, like I said this may not be applicable for you! But I thought it might be decent food for thought, maybe there is a new way to approach that activity that could be less painful for you??

since you typed so much and put so much effort into saying this as kindly as possible to get it out to me i want to do you the same courtesy and say this with patience and grace.

i know they want to share something they love with me, and that doing something im not into so that my loved ones can have fun with me is just something humans in a community occasionally have to deal with. sometimes we just have to grin and bear it so our friends can enjoy our company, and in a community, everyone takes a turn grinning and bearing it.

but this is something i do for them with like... team shooters and realtime co-ops. not for turn based strategy where i'm forced to wait on them to read at the speed of smell or watch a cutscene they've seen six times so they can make different decisions or meticulously organize their inventory.

when i play fortnite with my boys, i dont need to wait on them except to regroup or discuss what to do next, and i'm happy to put my impulsive playstyle to the side and hold back instead of barging in guns blazing like i do solo. i grin and bear it.

but when i play bg3 or ffxiv or wow with my boys, i'm fucking miserable, impatient, and forced to adhere to their playstyles when theirs all mesh together and mine is the outlier.

i read at warp speed. i comprehend and strategize and improvise faster. slowing down is torture because the game itself is already working at the pace of a 600lb century tortoise and i'm already making concessions just to be able to play at all.

i dont want to work and try when i play games. i want to relax and turn my brain off. my friends all know this and they have for over a decade.

they have known for 15 years that i hate turnbased strategy games, and i hate playing multiplayer. i am able, with effort, do one or the other, but not both. they've known this for so long. and every like 8-15 months they seem to forget and something they all love comes out and they want me to be included and i get the game and have a good time by myself and im able to join in the conversation and the last six times this has happened evaporate from their memory and they insist it'll be differen because this one is "actually good" and i assure them it will not be different and they encourage me to try and i grow a fucking demoncore in my chest with the weight and pressure of not screaming HURRY THE FUCK UP IT'S BEEN 7 MINUTES THAT YOUVE BEEN ORGANIZING YOUR FUCKING CHEST THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY FUCK AROUND RUN NOT A SERIOUS ORGANIZED RUN THIS ISN'T "PLAYING A GAME" THIS IS "SCROLLING TIKTOK WHILE I WAIT FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING TO FUCKING HAPPEN AND THEN NOT GIVING A FUCK WHEN IT IS MY TURN BECAUSE THE EXPERIENCE IS RUINED BY FORCING ME TO PULL MY BRAIN OUT OF THE GAME!!!!!!!"

and all of that stays in my chest because obviously i'm not about to shout at my friends that theyre functionally illiterate and to just kill something already so it festers and rots between my ribs and i am having a noticeably bad time.

your friends cannot possibly enjoy something that makes you actively miserable. your friends want you to have a good time doing something they love, not to bottle your misery and fake it so they can have a fun time.

it isn't even about the game or my playstyle. it's about the fact that they learn this lesson CONSTANTLY and yet never seem to learn. it's about how i HATE the part of myself that keeps giving in just to get that little bit of revenge on them to really drive the point home this time.

----------------------------------------------------

it is february. you are lactose intolerant. your friends KNOW this. they have for nearly 20 years. sometimes you have a small ice cream bar because theyre so good and worth the pain. your friends only bought cheese pizza for the party, and no other food. you sigh.

You're like "i'll join another time, i cant eat cheese pizza." they insist it'll be okay, they want you here so bad because they love spending time with you. they'll take care of you, the second bathroom will be free all night and they have plenty of pain killers and extra clothes. you tell them 'okay but take care of me for real this time'. they promise.

there are no pain killers, only iron suppliments. they used up the pain killers about a month ago and didnt notice, they didnt think theyd need any so soon. the second bathroom is immediately clogged because one friend flushed paper towels on accident, and the others are using the main bathroom very frequently because they all drank too much. they didnt realize they wouldnt be able to drink so much. how could they have know the toilet would clog? they're complaining about your gas because there's no febreeze, only lemon pledge. how could they have know they needed febreeze so soon? the guest bedroom is full of dusty storage and the bed smells like mothballs. how could they have known they'd need to use it so soon? the only extra clothes are too small for you and the shower is mildewy. later in the night you ask for them to get you some water and they're all too tired. you get yourself some water and groan in pain the whole way to the kitchen and back. "can you keep it down, we're trying to sleep!" "YOU LEAKED SHIT IN MY BED?!?!" "ughhhh the bathroom is acrid"

you burn the house down in your mind.

your friends party every other week, so the next time you gather, and every time after that, they have food you can eat. they learned their lesson! all is well, and you're able to make funny jokes about how much you wanted to kill them, and they make funny jokes about how stupid they were to forget something so important, and they suffered a lot from your gas and groaning and having to clean the sheets since it was their own fault after all, so they'll never forget now! you forgive them. friends fuck up sometimes. months and months of perfect parties. perfect friends.

it is november. it's party time. you arrive. there is only cheese pizza.

you sigh.

[moonsfireflies1993]

The American who killed the panamenian protesters and other reasons why I dislike American culture

This Tuesday, November 7 some teacher unions and indigenous collectives were protesting closing of the railroads because of the mining contract and the corruption, a man called Kenneth Darlington killed 2 of the protesters who were unarmed. This man had trouble with the law years prior. In 2005, he was detained for the illegal possession of arms. Of course, because anything can be bought in Panama he was pardoned from all charges.

The man is a zonian American. And what is a zonian? Well, zonians were the Americans who grew up inside the canal zone. Which meant they lived inside the American settlement that managed the Panama Canal. Most of the Americans who lived there were from the south of the US, and only spoke english. Most of them grew up isolated from Panamanian society and disconnected from all the problems Panama was dealing with their precedence on Panamanian land.

They even implemented some of their ways, like segregation of blacks and whites in some of their canal zone areas. They loved how they lived in Panama because they had so many benefits that the common Americans living in the US didn't had. Like, free taxes, good housing, good salary, and long vacations.

Some of those Zonians got back to the US and most of them mourned the life they had in Panama. So, as you can imagine, now being American retirees some came back to live in Panama. Some of them never left and stayed in the Albrook area, trying to adapt to the changes while also holding some of those old American ideals from the South.

As you know from my older posts, Panama is currently dealing with a corruption crisis that has to do more than just random people fighting for nature preservation. This crisis that started in October made some far-leftist unions manifest, some taking advantage of the situation and others with other concerns regarding their community. Some people support their methods of protests of closing railroads and some people criticize it because of how it's leaving some provinces without access to resources.

Regardless of the anger of being trapped in traffic because of the protests no one absolutely no one has the right to kill another individual.

Now, going to the title of this post it may look like someone who hates Americans in general which is not entirely like that. But, on my end, from what I have seen on how Americans live, with college/university debt, a health system with absurd prices and their individualistic culture. As someone who has interacted with all kinds of Americans visiting Panama, I always felt some disdain for how they think their ways of living apply the same in a different country, in this case, them visiting Panama. Don't get me wrong, I have met nice Americans as well, but also someone's who come across as entitled.

It was a surprise of mine to see today, Wednesday 8 a post from the New York Post talking about the event and to my surprise, the amount of American accounts commenting distasteful things without even asking a Panamanian about the issue or doing some research. It just confirms a bit more of my judgment of how they live in a bubble, thinking their ways apply to the rest of the world. Then again I know some Americans don't think in such ways, but sadly I have seen some of this kind of behaviour in both extremes of the left and the right. Trying to relate to an issue by applying some of their American mindset to it. And what I mean by that is just their society rules, what is ok and not ok in their culture and even their societal issues.

I don't think you need to be from another country to understand why killing is bad, especially if a group is unarmed and not actively attacking you. And celebrating it just tells me the lack of character and ethics of that individual.

[inkblackorchid]

I struggle with writing in terms of word count, I always feel like I'm doing too little when I'm writing my fanfics- How do you try and approach that stuff?

Ok, this might sound like a scam from me, Miss Can’t-Write-Short-Things-To-Save-Her-Life, but hear me out: There’s no such thing as a story that’s “too little”. Drabbles are a thing. One-Shots are a thing. Short stories are a thing. Most importantly, all these things are cherished by their audiences. Not every story needs to be a multi-chapter fic or a whole-ass novel, and sometimes, the ones that aren’t are all the more poignant for it. So don’t stress about “not doing enough”. Are you writing? Congrats, then you’re doing enough! I think it can be an incredible, unnecessary source of stress to tell yourself you need to do this much or that much for your story to be “enough”, to the point it can even cause writer’s block if you stress out too much. I had to train myself out of the same mindset years ago and now try to stick to the mindset that as little as one sentence a day is enough and that the story is done when it feels done, whenever that is. (Which is not to say you need to emulate that, it just works for me.)

That said. If this feels too esoteric and unhelpful to you, and you genuinely just want to increase your word count for your own peace of mind (which is fair), here’s a few things that usually lead to mine exploding:

Preamble to scenes. Is there an important bit of dialogue coming up? Then I start the conversation a bit before the important topic is addressed and let it play out as close to a real conversation as I can manage. Is there a tense moment ahead? Again, start the scene a little earlier, lead up to that. (This comes with the added bonus of building extra tension.) It makes things feel a little more grounded in the setting to me.

Generally, letting dialogue play out. Most conversations I write aren’t condensed down to just what I need to communicate. They contain pauses to think, people talking about unrelated things, whatever feels like it would still fit the scene and maybe also add to the important thing contained within. (Careful, though, because this can also bite you in the ass. I frequently worry about writing wayyyy too long dialogue scenes.)

Letting the scenes (and the story in general) breathe. This is an extremely important thing to me, personally (your mileage may vary), but I like it when scenes aren’t boiled down to only the essential stuff. I agree that you shouldn’t let a scene meander endlessly just for the sake of it, but sometimes, a little more than just the central plot point you need right now is nice. Let the conversation start just a little earlier or end just a little later. Let characters get stuck in their own head a bit. Write some less tense scenes between bumps of tension (and ideally tie them in with the themes of your story). Just let it breathe. You’d be surprised how the words add up when the setup takes a little longer here, or you build up the tension a little more there.

Again, these are the things that work for me. Crucially, just don’t drive yourself up a wall. If you’re writing, you’re already doing great. (And if you currently aren’t, then that’s not a sign of failure, either.)

Hope this helps at least a little.

[aspd-culture]

How do you know if you view relationships as transactional? There’s definitely people I interact with casually even when there isn’t a clear benefit in my mind.

But I do have a view that if I give, you’re required to give and if you don’t, I’m not gonna give anymore because I’m not gonna waste my time on somebody that only obtains benefits from me but I gain nothing from them. I feel like the view I just described though is something I see in pro social relationships too? So I’m unsure if I fit the bill of viewing relationships as transactional.

I definitely do keep people around longer than I should though if I see some sort of benefit, e.i; they give gifts, they’re wealthy and spend it on me, sexual gratification, etc. Even if all feeling for them is gone, those superficial/shallow things can make me hesitant to leave. A real life example is my biggest worry about cutting ties with toxic family members of mine was the fact they wouldn’t send birthday money anymore… these are people I grew up with and I felt nothing besides “:( but birthday money” I miss the birthday money more than I actually miss the people (which I don’t, I feel no pull to contact or see them again and if I do it’s usually because I’m bored).

Okay, so the transactional view of relationships is a pretty specific type of thing, and is one of the main things that can lead to diagnosis because of that. It’s not the “if they don’t give as much as I do/if this isn’t balanced, I’m out” mindset. Although that is definitely something many pwASPD have, it is also a completely normal and healthy boundary to set. It also isn’t keeping toxic people around solely for their practical value, although again many pwASPD do that.

The transactional view of relationships is best explained at the start of a relationship (of any variety that you choose - so not family because that is not a choice). When you are starting to enter a potential friendship/romantic relationship/etc. what are you thinking? If it’s “this person is cool I wanna hang out with them more” or “I really like this person and I wanna spend time with them” or “I enjoy being around this person”, it isn’t transactional - at least not in the ASPD way. While we can feel those things, and not *all* relationships every pwASPD has are always transactional (some pwASPD have entirely transactional relationships, some have some transactional view and some emotional attachment to all relationships, and some have certain relationships that are transactional and certain ones that aren’t), that is considered a typical start to a relationship of any variety.

The transactional view of the beginning to a relationship is usually the exclusive reason for the interactions and/or choosing to become closer, either without thought of who the other person is, or in spite of who they are. The most that is read into is “is this person a threat” and “what can they give me/do for me/what benefit can I get from them”. For many pwASPD, the emotional attachment is an afterthought that comes later, if it comes at all. So rather than “this person is cool I want to spend time with them” it’s “this person can fill this need for me, and I don’t think they’re a viable threat (either because they don’t seem to be a threat by choice or because I’m certain I can handle any threat they may attempt to pose)”. Think about it like how you would think of like a manager at a job - you’re not worried about if you *like* them, though that’s a plus if it’s there, you’re worried about if you can tolerate them well enough to get the benefits of having the job.

If you lose emotions for a person and still stay around them because they hold some practical value, it is technically a transactional relationship, but for pwASPD, that’s the rule not the exception, and it usually starts that way a good amount of the time. So, with the example you gave of toxic family members, rather than just worry about cutting ties with them because of the birthday money, many pwASPD would have realized early that they were toxic, but chosen to become close with them anyway because the social pressure to send birthday money would be there.

I hope that makes sense/helps. I’m definitely not saying you don’t have this view of relationships, just that the way you described it/the specific examples you gave wouldn’t necessarily fit the way it usually presents in ASPD.

Oops gotta add on because I just saw this in the ask box after I finished typing this -

So this description is more of the transactional view we were talking about, but it’s still not the entire reason you even have the person in your life (as far as it sounds, anyway). So while you’re hanging out only to get something from them and that is definitely something a pwASPD would be more inclined to to do, it sounds like your thought when you first became friends with this person was not “oh well I should be friends with them because they’ll give me free alcohol/Wi-Fi”. It sounds like you are “using” them for something, but that that is a secondary bonus of an existing relationship rather than the entire purpose in making that connection in the first place. I hope that makes sense, it’s not super easy to explain.

[algolagniaa]

I think I used to view other women in my life through a lens of like. oh someone wants you so you’re different from me. and it wasn’t from a place of caring about male approval rly bc I wanted to be wanted by a woman but it was like - in kids books there are often a lot of boys and One girl and that girl is Very Special (and this was def something I picked up on bc I would make a lot of female characters and then despair of the fact I HAD to make enough boys to outnumber them. and the boys would all be super boring cardboard people bc I really only wanted to write about the super awesome girls but I thought that was how it Had to be) and then in teen books there’s again One girl who’s special enough to lead the revolution and have every single guy interested in her. and I have always had a huge complex about being special thanks mom and dad for how thoroughly you set me up for that and it would bum me out like I would lose a sparring match against another girl and in my head I’d be like oh :( I thought I was Alanna the lioness but I’m not :( that’s her and I’m just a normie girl :( which didn’t make sense bc I didn’t think the same about boys at all but it wasn’t even that I thought boys were better in any way I just thought yay I get to beat them up!!! like they weren’t in the running to be special at all bc 1) boys weren’t special and 2) boys didn’t Have to be special. and that was when I was a kid but when I was a teenager it stopped being so much about like, being chosen by faeries or w/e and started being about relationships. bc all my friends had boyfriends or at least boy drama and my brother had a girlfriend and did I have a girlfriend? no. bc I was an out lesbian and there weren’t a whole lot of out teenage lesbians in Orange County in 2009 but ofc I didn’t look at it that logically I just thought it meant I wasn’t Special. and it’s weird bc looking back on my life I have managed to attract a ridiculous amount of girls/women to me considering I’m a lesbian with no game like idk how I managed to do it but I figured it out somehow and p much always had if not a girlfriend at least a girl who I could sleep with. but usually they were very low quality women bc I had no standards whatsoever so they would treat me like shit a lot and then that still didn’t count for what I wanted bc they obviously didn’t love me and I was miserable and felt like I had to play a part in order to keep them interested and I would look at other women who were in relationships that seemed better than mine and go wow she’s Special. she’s so much prettier and better and more interesting than me. obviously or else she wouldn’t have been Chosen when I wasn’t. forget about the fact that we aren’t even competing to date the same people. the light of heaven shines down on her but not me.

anyway I wrote about more about that than I intended to but my original point was - that idea that I’m Not Special has been a part of my self concept for a very long time. and I’m at a point in my life where it doesn’t make sense at all anymore. and not even just because I’m in a loving relationship with someone who makes me feel very special although that does help. it’s a lot more that I have things in my life I’m proud of that I did by myself. not even just accomplishments in the general sense of the word (although getting a degree and getting such good grades and accepted into honors societies is a big part of it) but like I’ve Done things and gone places and had adventures and had so much fun. and I know I’m going to keep doing that. packing up this trailer sucks and is miserable but it’s also really cool bc I remember the miserable mindset I had when I moved in and the mindset I have now is so different from that. and I don’t feel any more like there’s anything that I need that I don’t have. and it’s really incredible BUT my brain still wants to hold onto this mindset of jealousy and not being enough just because that’s what it’s used to and not doing that requires a whole overhaul not only of how I see myself but also of how I see other people. and as hard as it is for me to admit that mostly means other women bc I’ve never in my life been jealous of a man other than my brother I just actually hate them.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ girl here, this question is going to be a little long. Is there any way to be "aware" (if that's the word I'm supposed to use) that someone is heading for a grip of inferior function? Or someone notices that it is approaching and thus manages to avoid it?

I ask this because since the beginning of the year I have been actively taking care of my body and food, with the aim of improving my aesthetics and the general quality of my health (physiological, emotional, etc.). I don't exaggerate in my workouts and I don't practice severe restrictions on my diet, I allow myself to eat sweets as long as I don't overdo it during the week, I don't count calories, I always try to be aware of the physical signs of my hunger and I daily make notes of my meals in my diary to avoid emotional eating.

However, in the past during a phase of my teenage years, I've been in a pinch of Se and been obsessive and extreme about my body. I spent almost the entire day practicing physical exercises and didn't allow myself to eat anything other than what I considered healthy because I wanted to be flexible and beautiful (thin like a friend of mine who had lost weight and I felt envious of her body), which led me to many I often show off my flexibility so that others will be amazed at me and I will get the approval and attention I crave.

I got it into my head that I needed to be "productive" and "dedicated" to the maximum 100% of the time, I couldn't have rest days or relax a little on the diet, which also led me to other extreme behaviors typical of the inferior. endlessly cleaning and arranging the furniture in my room, to the point where I felt physical pain in my body. Back then, I remember thinking it was perfectly normal to do this and taking it as evidence that I was an extremely goal-oriented person, which was clearly me deluding myself and avoiding the factual reality of the situation.

I don't do that anymore nowadays, but just out of curiosity and who knows to guarantee it in the future, do you have any tips on how to be more attentive to the signs so that I can understand and change my mindset? I'm afraid that some event in life will shake me so much that I'll succumb to this state of mind and lose all the progress I've already made. I know INFJ's are prone to emotional disconnection and tend to be myopic to evidence that they are over-controlling when they abuse Ni. Thanks!

-----------------------

When INFJs realize how good they are at self-deception, it's only natural to worry about getting caught up in it again, so I understand where your question is coming from.

Let's say that you happened upon a brochure about eating disorders at the supermarket and then realized that your behaviors matched up with the symptoms of a particular disorder. The brochure taught you the rule that "xyz behavior = unhealthy". This may be enough to prompt to you stop it, because knowledge is power, after all. But does this brochure tell you anything about how the disordered behavior arose in you, where it came from, or what caused it? No.

The purpose of function development is to increase your self-awareness to the point where you not only understand that you have a problem but also understand how that problem arose. Have you reached that level of self-awareness?

For a pattern to repeat itself, the conditions that made the pattern possible in the past have to be the same or similar enough to trigger the same reaction from you today. What were the conditions that gave rise to your disordered eating and exercising (Se grip)? Generally speaking, disordered behavior is often a failed attempt to address a legitimate psychological/emotional issue. What issue was the disordered behavior meant to address? Have you really gotten to the bottom of it?

You describe the difference between Now-You and Old-You, but I don't think the comparison goes deep enough, which is why you're still unsure of yourself. You said you were driven by craving for approval and attention, as well as by envy of people you admired. This sounds like an honest enough description of your motives. However, it leaves some important questions hanging in the air:

- WHY exactly did Old-You crave approval and attention so much, to the point of self-punishment? Are there still situations that trigger this craving in you today and do you have a healthy method of handling those triggering situations?

- Why did Old-You rely on social validation to appraise personal value/worth? Do you still do this or have you adopted a different method of self-appraisal? If there's a different method, do you know whether it's a healthy method?

- Why did Old-You think in terms of "hierarchy", i.e., compulsively categorizing everyone along brutal judgments of who is "superior"/"inferior" or "better"/"worse", and how to be "perfect" at the top? Do you still think in this way today? If so, why? What do you gain from it and what is the cost?

- Why did Old-You believe that the most important thing about people and/or the most important thing people have to offer up is their physical body, to the point of devoting all time and attention to perfecting it? Do you now recognize how superficial it is to treat people merely as bodies to be used for pleasure, as well as how this attitude might interfere with the formation of fulfilling and meaningful relationships? Is this related to sexist beliefs about what women are meant for?

- Why did Old-You believe that being a cheap imitation of another person would lead to you being seen/praised as special too? Do you still fail to recognize this logical contradiction and keep trying to be like others, with the only real difference being that you don't try as hard as Old-You did? What is your identity, really, when it is just a patchwork of qualities you appropriated from others?

These questions go deeper to reveal the conditions that gave rise to the disordered behavior. If you're unable to answer most of them, it's likely you still haven't gotten to the bottom of the problem yet. If the underlying causes of the problem haven't really been addressed, then, yes, it has the potential to rise up again. You say you have better motives now, which is good. However, remember that people can be motivated by a multitude of factors at the same time. Self-awareness involves being fully honest with yourself about all of the factors.

[humanpurposes]

i'm dragging you into the depths of talk shop tuesday even though it's wednesday.

what was it that made you want to start writing? was there a particular moment that felt like an "aha!" or was it something you'd always wanted to do?

which of your characters have you found the easiest to bring to life? the most difficult?

What gorgeous questions, thanks so much Alex!

I feel like writing is something that comes very naturally to me, but then it's a skill that's developed over time. As a kid I used to read a lot and write my own silly little stories. I think my "aha" moment was when I was 15 and doing creative writing at school and I would get full marks on everything I wrote, and I was like "hang on... maybe I'm actually ok at this?" For years it's been a somewhat unrealistic dream of mine to be an author, and I tried to write fanfiction (just for myself) and original stories, but I never stuck with an idea for long before I got bored. THEN Episode 8 of HotD happened and I was reading all the Aemond fics I could find, but none of them were EXACTLY what I wanted so I thought I'd try to write something myself. And now I have a word count of 263k on AO3 which is quite cool :)

Straight up, the character I've struggled with the most is Daemon. He plays quite a central role in Chapter 13 of Karma is a God, in the lead up to the Battle of the God's Eye. I had this clear idea about what he meant to (my) Luke and the role he had played in her upbringing, but then trying to figure out his mindset once he left King's Landing to hunt Aemond... I'll be real, I was completely stumped. I think I really couldn't get my head around why he abandoned Rhaenyra. I switched it up a little bit and I think his character in KIAG has his own reasons for why he left King's Landing and how he approached his confrontation with Aemond. In his mind he was doing what he could to defend Rhaenyra while also encouraging Luke to come into her own as her mother's heir. Sort of like that moment in episode 10 when he's showing off to Jace, I think he's trying to install this lesson of ruthlessness and inspiring fear to maintain control.

The easiest character to bring to life? I really love my OCs 🥺🫶 When I have a story in mind for a fic I'll always have a really clear idea in my head of who this character is and the purpose I want them to serve. Once I start creating a backstory and filling in the basics, I get a really good picture of what their personality is like, and once I've immersed myself in that a little bit I find it quite easy to get that across when I write (or at least I hope I do lmao).

And I have to say I feel like writing Aemond comes really easily to me, even when exploring different elements of his personality or different settings. Just the amount of times I've watched those episodes and how well Ewan Mitchell manages to completely embody that role, like with an OC, I like to think I've got a good read of his personality and his thought process as a character. Also because he's soooo me, if I were a Targ I'd be Aemond Targaryen (which I find really funny after reading your response to my ask and what you were saying about understanding characters you don't relate to haha 😭)

[inkwell-and-dagger]

For the edgy asks, all divisible by 5 for Ruaridh? 👀

:O OH MT GOD OH MY GOD OH MT GOD YAAAYYYYYYY!!!! TUANK YOU SO MUCH ANON THANK YOU THANK YOU I LOVE RUARIDH!!!!

OKAY OKAY SO I THINK IVE DONE THIS RIGHT. LIKE. MULTIPLICATIONS OF FIVE RIGHT?? SORRY IF I GOT IT WRONG BUT YK

5 — How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

I imagine that, during their time with Derwyn, they tended to beg for things such as more food (especially during the time where they gained more of an appetite during their gradual transformation) or even a day off of experimentation and tests when they needed some more time to like. Get Over™ the previous one. I think the furthest they've gone is begging and even like. ooh I forgot the word but for example they'd ask for a day off of experimentation they'd have less food or whatever for that day. again I forgot the word- either way the furthest they've probably gone is begging and making themself look very pitiful and pathetic to get what they want (ngl they probably still do this with helodite / anton + dew)

10 — What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

the most interesting, in my opinion (other than the crossover au/s I already have yay!! although they're more of like alternate timelines n stuffs) would be if Derwyn actually managed to turn Ruaridh into a mindless killing machine! the only reason why he made Ruaridh so monstrous was so they'd be more intimidating, thus more likely to scare people off (she basically wanted them as a kinda fucked up guard dog ig. living weapon whumpee yay!!) but the whole psychological aspects of changing Ruaridh's mindset entirely didn't work, which led to their abandonment. I think it'd be a nice thing to play around with as an au :3

15 — Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

I mean they have like. an official design? I've never really thought about face claims, so I guess their official ref pics is all I can give lmao

20 — Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

to be honest, I imagine Ruaridh doesn't really understand the concept of jealousy. they've only ever been around Derwyn for their entire life — only been subjected to the emotions that she showed them — and thus they've never truly experienced jealousy towards another person! they've learnt to kind of push down certain emotions as not to upset Derwyn, and they don't really know how to un-learn that behavior. so, I'm not really sure!

25 — What is your favourite thing about your OC?

THEIR CREECHURNESS!!!!!!!!! also just how much of a sopping wet cat they are (affectionate). they should always be treated gently they will cry. I just. I adore their design and how they look like a deer in headlights 24/7. idk they hold a very special place in my heart

(MUTUAL OC CREDIT TIME BITCHES BECAUSE SOME OF THE OCS I'VE MENTIONED ARENT MINE AND IN FACT BELONG TO VERY COOL VERY NICE PEOPLE!!!!! helodite belongs to @/ash-1s-wr1t1ng and anton and dew belong to @/whumpy-wyrms!!)

[ahundredtimesover]

your wirting is so descriptive and like emotional in a way it's like entering into the world of the fic, your way with words is just magical!!!! really love it! could you give some tips/advice on how you have managed to build your skills to this good of a level? is there anything specific you do while writing fics that give you inspiration?

One of my favorite compliments ever 😭😭 if there’s anything I want to be remembered by in this community, it’s this. So thank you 🥹🥹 sending you all the love 💕

Just a disclaimer, I don’t have a literature/creative writing background or anything. But my writing experience is on the analytical side as a political science major but I suppose that helped in writing in general. But at least by personal experience, I can share a few things but pls also check out other sources! Super long post ahead 👇🏽

First of all, I’m an emotional person in general. I feel a lot and looking back, I think journaling as a child helped in my ability to express my emotions. I won’t say I was an avid reader but I would read growing up; Paulo Coelho was a staple. By the time I was in high school, I would write short passages and short stories about what I was experiencing so I really started way before my fanfic era. Secondly, I was going through a tough time from 2021-2022, and that was when I was most prolific, so there was really a lot to say. So in a way, my emotional way of writing was also a coping mechanism. Now for the tips:

Intent. I started reading BTS fanfic right when the pandemic started and I found a lot of comfort in them. And so when I started writing, it was my intention to give comfort as well, and I personally believe that being emotionally vulnerable is one way to do that. I like to balance the rawness with warmth so there will always be supporting characters whose main purpose is to give care and comfort. With that, I'm able to go all out with the emotions without leaving the reader too overwhelmed by them. But it starts with the intention because you have to...

Build it within the story, and not just in scenes or as character traits. You have to be consistent so don't just describe the setting, describe the characters' emotions as well all throughout. I would give my characters specific scenes where they're really just thinking and feeling (it's also a personal practice of mine!) or having moments where they're just taking things in. So it's important to actually let them feel. Which is also why...

You, as a writer, should allow yourself to also feel. Pull from somewhere personal if you can, or from something familiar. One reason I think the stories are as impactful (and this is based off the wonderful messages I've received) is because I let myself be vulnerable through them, which is also why I say that there's a piece of me in everything I write. There's no one story that is my story, but there's at least an experience, a thought, a mindset, a personality trait, a specific fear, and a belief of mine integrated in the characters/stories. It'll feel a lot more natural that way and also more cathartic. To do this, I would literally have moments of just sitting down with my eyes closed. 😂

Play around with the POVs. I do mixed POVs in all my stories and I find that more effective in bringing in the emotions because the reader is able to know (and feel) what all the characters are feeling, especially during a specific scene. There's that omnipotence where you're able to know the narrative of another character as well so the story is basically laid out for you. It may not be the best if you want plot twists or the shock factor, but those aren't really my intent, although the mixed POVs is also a good tool for those. One of my favourite things I've written is when [SPOILER⛔️] in TLA, Amma was talking about Yoongi's letters and you get to read his POV through her. It's the make-your-own-rules-in-fanfiction that makes it fun!

Envision your core scenes and build up to that. Before writing a story, I already know what scenes will drive it. PLM started off as a scene of JK hugging OC from the back and feeling sorry and I thought, what would bring them to that point? Oh, I want them to have a major fight, so [SPOILER⛔️] I had to build up OC being protective of her emotions so when she cried for the first time, it was emotional. I also envisioned Inevitable to have that scene of [SPOILER⛔️] OC breaking down while watching father-and-son bond but I think what added to that was Jungwon wiping her tears, so I made sure to mention that prior. This is also why I describe scenes a lot and why I pay attention to details. I like pulling them out during key moments.

Be patient with yourself. The dialogues could come right away like in the FFY [SPOILER⛔️] scene of JK going to OC in the water, that speech was written before I even finished writing chapter 1 and I had to wait to write the entire story before I could get to that but that was my basis. Or the dialogues could come at a later time and that's also fine. Don't rush it! The perfect line that would usually make your scene will come.

Be inspired by any types of art and immerse yourself in it as you write. I made playlists for PLM, ASDOAH, and Belong that I constantly listened to while writing. Untitled is Indigo in story form for me. TLODS was inspired by the story Dead Stars that I kept reading as well. ASDOAH was inspired by the poem Mouthful of Forevers. Seeing the Tumblr posts about grief and loss helped while writing TLA. Even everyday things can give you inspiration! They help with meaning, feeling, and expression.

I think this covers everything! I'm sorry it's sooo long but I hope one or two things could help you as you write. ☺️ good luck 💕