#so im going to try really hard to prove to myself that im right

[sleepless-crows]

i really believe that anyone can do anything. its just that we get better at the things we spend effort doing. and you'll only progress if you believe in yourself. like i believe i could draw if i spent hours learning how to. i believe i could play the piano really well if i actually practiced. i believe i can be a good dancer as long as i actually dance instead of just cringing at myself. i believe i can learn sleight of hand if i practice playing with cards every day. like it may be cliche and cheesy but my life motto really is you only live once. and i want to spend my life being able to do as many things as i can, acquire all the skills that i can, and live my life fully

[tabootasaur]

...

[the-kestrels-feather]

.

[martinmuhl]

⋆✧˚ ༘ prove it (part 2)

pair: paige bueckers x reader

warnings: cussing

summary: notorious player paige wants to take the star volleyball player out on a date

authors note: hi babies !!! sorry this one is so long i was just having so much fun w it! hope you enjoy <3

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

a week after your run in with paige, there’s radio silence. you hadn’t heard anything from the blonde basketball player. you couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed, no matter how many times you told yourself that she wasn’t going to prove anything. you knew paige… not well, but well enough. it had only been your first semester at uconn, but you knew paige’s reputation just like everyone else. she enjoyed sleeping around, but the last you’d heard of her sleeping around was 3 months ago with your teammate. as much as you were disappointed that you hadn’t heard from her though, you were at least happy you hadn’t heard that she was sleeping around. maybe she had changed.

shaking your head, you hear a knock at your door as you rolled out of bed. who could possible be here at 7am? you swung the door open, standing face to face with a girl you’d recognized as kk arnold. she was holding a boutique of daisies. kk was paige’s teammate, what was she doing here so early? and with flowers too?

“i think you have the wrong apartment,” you say, a confused look on her face at your words.

“oh no, i’m at the right place. you’re y/n, and oh yeah i’m kk!” she beamed, trying to shake your hand but not being able to set down the giant bouquet, “ah forget it, but my girl paige wanted me to drop these off since she has basketball workouts every morning this week so… i hope this isn’t weird, but she’s been on me about making this perfect so if you could just take them..” she trailed off, obviously nervous. you took the bouquet from her and set it down behind you.

“thank you kk. do you know how she found my apartment? also, why couldn’t she have dropped them off after her workout?” you ask. kk throws her hands up in a shrug and sighs.

“girl boo, i don’t know! paige is weird. she’s all shy and nervous and shit, ive never seen her act so weird,” she shrugs again, a sudden ‘oh shit’ look on her face. she starts digging around in her pockets, “shit i almost forgot this! paige would’ve killed me for real. here!” she hands a small folded note. “well, gotta go ball! see you y/n!”

you take the note, frozen in place. she sent kk to bring flowers and a note? so maybe she was trying to prove you wrong. “uh thanks kk! bye?” you shout at her as she hurries down the hall. after grabbing the bouquet of flowers, you head back inside your apartment and put them in a vase with water. you couldn’t wait any longer as you unfold the note from paige.

y/n, i hope you like the flowers! i didn’t know what your favorite flowers were so stay tuned… sorry i couldn’t deliver them to you myself. i have workouts every morning and im really busy this week. i got big things planned though for us. imma prove it to you, ma.

p.s. i hope you don’t think im a stalker… i asked your teammates for your address and your schedule. see you soon. <3

- paige

you smile and shake your head, giggling. you couldn’t believe paige was actually doing this for you. paige was notorious though so as much as your heart pounded at the thought of her trying so hard for just one date with you, you had to protect your heart until you fully trusted her. it was going to take a lot more than a bouquet of daisies delivered by her teammate.

up until friday, kk showed up at your door at 7am every day with a bouquet of flowers and a note from paige. monday was daisies, tuesday was peonies, wednesday was tulips, and thursday was lilies. friday morning rolled around though and kk didn’t show up that morning. disappointment rolled through you, but you couldn’t be too upset due to the fact that you knew paige was making an effort. she took the time to send flowers and a note every morning for the past week. you shouldn’t expect anything more.

friday was particularly busy for you as you had errands to run, workouts, class, then practice. the national college volleyball tournament was in just a few weeks and coach was running you guys ragged wanting to perfect every rotation. you played in every rotation so you were especially exhausted and sore after every practice this week. your day went by and still nothing from paige. no kk, no flowers, no notes. you shrugged it off, she was probably just busy today. she had already done so much this past week.

in the locker room before practice, you were telling your teammates about paige and what had been going on. allison, your teammate she had slept with, listened with wide eyes. you expressed that you hoped allison wouldn’t be upset with you or make it weird or anything for the sake of your friendship and team dynamic.

“girl we hooked up one time months ago, this is not weird or anything! i think it’s sweet and i think you should go for it! be careful though okay? we fucked and then she completely ghosted me so just be careful. make her work for it, you’re a special girl y/n. now come on before coach kills us for being late!” allison smiles, patting your back. you sighed, feeling relieved but taking her words very seriously. you would not let paige play you.

after practice, you stayed for a while just to get some reps by yourself. as you were shagging the balls, you heard someone enter the gym. it’s probably just a janitor. you continue with what you’re doing until you turn around and there’s paige at the other side of the gym, volleyballs in hand. you both walk toward the cart to place them in. you suddenly felt very nervous and flustered. it was late and she was here, helping you.

“uh thanks for the help. what are you doing here?” you muster out, feeling a blush creep onto your cheeks. stay calm, stay cool, don’t let her play her. those thoughts echoing in your head.

“i wanted to see you, ma. you weren’t at your apartment so i figured you were here. did you like the flowers?” she asks, smiling. her blonde hair was wet down her shoulders, she wore a white uconn basketball shirt, grey sweats, and a gold chain around her damn neck. oh you were fucked.

“i did, thank you. you didn’t have to do that though. the deal was that you keep your hands and mouth to yourself, not showering me with gifts.” you say, trying not to give in so easily to her charm.

“can’t i do both?” she asks, cocking her head with a smirk on her face.

“i guess…” you shrug. “im surprised though. i haven’t heard anything yet about your typical shenanigans. girls not finding you so irresistible lately?”

she laughs, throwing her head back. “i told you i was going to prove to you that i want to take you out. i am a woman of my word. now come on! i have one last surprise.” she quickly grabs your hand, pulling you towards a table in the corner of the gym. as you approach you see a bouquet of red and white roses and a basket full of goodies. you see snacks, gatorades, face masks, bath salts, fuzzy socks, and a coupon for a free massage. you turn to look at her, a smile bright on your face. she was making it so difficult to resist. she chewed on her lip watching you, she looked… nervous.

“our coach likes to work us really hard before big games so i figured yours probably does too… i’ve never made anyone anything like this before so i hope you like it. kk and aubrey helped me with it so…” she trails off, scratching the back of her neck. all you could do is gape at her. this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you. fuck it. you threw your arms around her, a silent thank you. she left out a deep breath, relaxing into the hug.

pulling away, you verbally thank her and insist that she doesn’t have to do all of this. she just shakes her head, asking if you need a ride home. you close up the gym and paige drives you and you basket of goodies back to your apartment. you begin to learn more about paige and realize that you had already begun to fall for her charm. as you pull up to your apartment building, you reach over and give her a hug, thanking her again for everything.

you pull away and slip out of the car. you begin to walk away as you hear her shout, “see you next week, ma!”

“what’s next week?” you shout back.

“your next surprise!” she smiles and drives off. you stand there stunned, you were falling for paige bueckers and you could only hope it doesn’t come back to bite you.

[epiicaricacy-arts]

oh we’re still so young, desperate for attention

this was super experimental so i will talk about my process (+ clearer version) under the cut

i’ve been looking at a lot of “messier” or more textured painting styles recently and an artist that stuck out to me is clariondeluna ! they posted a self-portrait recently that i really liked and i was super interested in the brushwork seen in their work. i love all the textures and how the shapes feel so loose yet everything is so detailed.

that’s not a method for me at all!!!! i cannot paint like that at all and the stuff i like to paint is very different to theirs. which is okay!!!! i had no intention to copy this artists style so closely like with what i tried to do in my raiden painting, i just wanted to try this style out :^)

it’s been a goal of mine to avoid over-rendering like i tend to do a lot, and i think i’ve been doing good with that recently! the mindset i’ve got going on right now is that if i find myself staring at it too hard for too long, i have to leave it and move on. if there’s still something wrong with it, i can fix it later once ive got a fresh view!

i’ve been trying a lot of things with my art this year. i always try to challenge myself with each piece, and to end the year off i wanted to be as uncomfortable as i possibly could be with this painting. i let myself draw whatever i wanted because i still wanted to enjoy it, but everything i did in this process was new, including parts of the subject matter.

i’ve never drawn a head at an angle like this, and i struggle with drawing mouths open. i don’t do bold lighting like this, and if i do, it’s not fire. i’ve never drawn fire! i also rarely work with warm colours and i hate using green, so i combined those to be my colour palette. i like working cleanly so instead of having a dozen different layers for one section, each section only had 1-2 layers for rendering. instead of clipping masks i would simply paint over things loosely and clean it up later. i never like having limbs cut off in a drawing so i had his other arm go GOD knows where. i don’t like weird patterned backgrounds so i made myself figure out how to like it!

IS THIS MY FAVOURITE PIECE OF ALL TIME. no. absolutely not. but i’m very proud of how this came out with all the challenges i put on myself. i WANTED to get better at these things and be more broad with my art, both in terms of the styles and subjects i portray.

okay let’s talk about wtf this drawing is

for those who don’t know, the design in this painting is my fatui/“Father” lyney fan design (read the design post here). the concept isnt super complicated and i don’t really have much explanation for it, but i wanted to combine the story of how lyney wanted a delusion before getting his vision, fire eating circus acts and how olympic medalists will bite their medal to prove it’s real??? don’t quote me on that i’m like 75% sure that’s a thing that happens. i don’t watch sports though so im just believing someone i heard on the internet ages ago.

anyways. i think fire eating acts are cool. and i think the fact that lyney wanted a delusion is very interesting to me. scratches my brain in the right places. and yk as a magician lyneys character revolves a lot around fooling people and creating illusions so i guess what im saying here is that lyney is trying to prove to himself that this power he’s been bestowed is real. bc his whole life his only constant has been lynette so he is trying to see if he can trust this new power. cause i guess this is an alternate universe where lyney does eventually become “Father” but he never got his vision ??? idk im not making lore for this i just wanted to dress up this funny little guy.

ok i’m done

thanks for reading

here’s my dog

[the-moon-files]

Wait, quick idea! Twilight looks like the only hylian in his village because everyone else has round ears, so what if he wasn’t as surprised as the others to see their human companion so resilient, but still fairly impressed because of the fact that most if not all people in his village don’t put themselves in as drastic situations as the reader? Or is this just humans from our world?

get out of my head lmao /lh - you, me, and wayfayrr are actually the same person on diff accounts LMAO

im of the belief that (blame @wayfayrr, my beloved) that he knows of humans bc of some in his village but yeah, just not the type of human in drastic situations

(ALSO they wrote me a fun, long, glorious, male reader human space orc au fic for winning their raffle a bit ago, and it brings up their headcanon abt this and i Adore It actually, check it out here pls if u wanna know🤲)

(also if u see this wayfayrr, sorry for the ping, also should i be calling u moss? or wayfayrr?? idk which, i hope thats even ok to ask 😭 i assumed u would call my ass Moon)

Moon: Male-Masc Reader (he/him)

Orbit: short headcanons-ish, rambling mostly

Stars: Twilight Princess Link (Twi/Twilight), mentions of other Links

Comets & Meteors: CWs: none known, & TWs: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

to reiterate what i said up there, in case u skipped it for the bullet points,

i like the headcanon he knows humans, knows some of their quirks, and how they were the first ppl the other hylian villagers called on to help stuck cows or downed wagons, lots of heavy lifting stuff

but he really hasnt seen the extent of real humans, bc the humans who were in Ordon, well, they lived in hylian society,

why would they need the adrenaline to lift a car when hylians have set up whole tools and systems in all their towns to help lift just a full bucket of water out of the well??

not to mention, i think all the humans in his village were older adults? like at least not the age theyd be doing things like parkour or going to any trampoline parks type of age,

id imagine its more like stories talked about amongst hylians how hard humans can go, and even the humans themselves talked abt things like,

“well compared to u hylians, we have stomachs made of molten lava to you guys really, but we never have to use it, bc u know hylian food works just fine”

when Twi asked they would say stuff like that, but as soon as he saw ur human ass just picking wildflowers and berries off the side of the road to snack on? even random grasses/vines at some point (kudzu)?? easily eating Wild’s Dubious Food that's DEFINITELY got monster parts in it???! gnawing on the bone of a cucco and it just breaks??!!! and you look surprised too, thank fuck finally a normal reaction from u- oh my goddesses u were just curious (damn the elders were right abt human curiosity too) **and are now sucking out the marrow and eating the bone-!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twilight’s perspective of you is actually the equivalent of like, reading stories about vampires all ur life, then this new friend you made starts to get allergic to garlic, crave blood, has crazy strength and advanced senses, etc

and he’s just watching those honest-to-Hylia human mythological feats play out in real time in front of him, like he’s the only self-aware character in the story that immediately clocks the really obvious vampire as a vampire lmao

is the first to either 1. start choking on his laugh as he theoretically knows ur about to jump on the back of a lynel/hinox to ride it around and watch as the others come to the same conclusion OR 2. try to Stop you from jumping on said big monster in an attempt to ride it around bc he gets used to ur human BS quicker than the others and can see it coming a mile away now lol

very much so this meme:

(ur welcome i made it myself <3)

anyway id love to rant abt this dynamic

abt both Twi’s shock at you eating peppers like a god has come down from the sky to prove their immortality,

but also poor rancher esstientally humansitting you too lmao

the Chain/Time/Wars absolutely put him down as the resident human expert like: “ok he just drank like, 5? No- Four stop him from drinking more at least- (dual sighs). okay, 6 stamina potions, will that kill him??”

Twilight, saviour of Hyrule, of the Twili, Link from Twilight Princess himself,

has to keep a record book of all the new shit he’s heard/learned about humans in Ordon, what he has actively learned abt ur ass just fucking around and finding out, and the few bread crumbs of information u give him abt ur species

(that rlly just come off as kind of cryptid statements abt u/humanity, or don't apply in this scenario bc ur only comparison is Earth Rules, which honestly scare every single fucking one of them in the same way as walking on Ganon’s lawn or something, like straight up view ur home planet as enemy territory, the Amazon jungle, the Hyrule wilds if you will-)

Twilight also gets involuntarily volunteered for human-sitting duty too

tbh the only person Not allowed on human-sitting duty, when u guys go new areas esp, is Wild/Hyrule

you’d tell him you wanna get inside the guardian robot to operate it and ride it around and he’d probably be in shock you even fathomed something like that, yet also now EXTREMELY intrigued to watch it play out

(they’re both more of a “u wanna jump off a cliff?? that's actually crazy, wait for me please.” he seems to think he can somehow protect you if he joins you? its worked sometimes to be fair to him ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ just not really conveniently when the rest of the Chain are around lmao)

☆

i live btw, ive been writing/updating fics along with life updates (moving states/new job/online class) so a few asks will hopefully be answered over here in the next 2ish weeks

no promises, my life is kinda girlbossing at the moment too close to the sun and i am Nervous abt disappointing u guys

i already feel like im disappointing my other blog bc i haven't posted in forever bc im writing a fic instead of asks during any free time i dedicate to writing for it so :/

pls excuse my super slowness like a package ur waiting for in the mail or smth type of slow

AGAIN thanks for the ask!! i hope this was at least entertaining to read as some addon to what u said, you guys have gotta check out some of wayfayrr’s stuff if ur into this, bc they're the only other place i can think of that's talked abt humans not just being the same as hylians

have a great week!!

Peace out hugs and chaos,

🌙

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Hi! I’m not sure if this has been requested before but I’ve been working nonstop lately. I’m completely worn out and desperate for a day off. So, I was wondering how you think tangerine would react to this sort of situation with his gf/wife/partner- being very overworked, exhausted, tense, stressed, anxious? In need of some comfort, fluff, love and reassurance. -🤍

Thank you so much, I love you!!

hii!! im pretty sure it has, but that’s no problem. make sure to take care of yourself angel, really sorry you’re so tired, hopefully this can be of some comfort. thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 I love you and hope you’re doing as well as you can be xx

ignore kimura’s hand 😭 the pic is just really hot

TAKE A BREAK.

tangerine x fem!reader — fluff & comfort

word count. 637

Tangerine had noticed a change within you recently. Though it wasn't hard, anyone could.

He could see it in your eyes, the exuberant shine almost fading with every one of your early starts and late finishes. And those tired, half-smiles you'd give him when he questions it only prove his point more.

He knew you were under a lot of stress lately, everything in your life catching up with you, and all he wanted was to help you. Even if it was carrying your weight on his shoulders for a few minutes - anything just to give you a moment of ease.  

It had gone past midnight, but you were nowhere close to finishing the massive assigned workload. The dining table filled with stacks of your papers, the surface repurposed as an office desk once again. By now, the words on the page were far from legible, the lines blurring and swirling together as you pushed through the last section.

"I don't get it," you mutter to yourself, dropping your head into your hands. 

"What don't you get?" Tangerine asks, appearing in the doorway as if he were a genie.

"I don't know," you mumble, rubbing your face in your palms. "All of it... it doesn't make sense— none of it does. And I've been reading it over and over and," you cut yourself off with a sigh, looking over the array of papers in front of you. 

"Come on, now," he hushes, moving across the room to stand in front of you. "You're knackered. You need good sleep," he adds, placing his hands on either side of your head, making you face him. 

"I can't. I have so much to do," you faintly exhale - the sound weary and worn down. 

His thumbs glide under your eyes, the pads running over the dark circles and tired skin - the act as if he were trying to soothe you. "I'll help you out in the morning, alright? But not now. You need'a sleep."

"I can't," you softly shake your head, his hands moving with the faint movement. "I can't sleep knowing how much work I have."

He sighs, his head cocking to the side to maintain the eye contact you were so desperate to get out of. "When you hurt, I hurt. And you're hurting a lot right now, aren't'ya?"

The lack of response from you, silently answers his question. 

"That's what I thought," he says, leaning over to press a kiss into your hairline. "I'll lock up. You go get ready for bed, yeah?" he laces his hands into yours, helping you from the seat. "I'll follow up in a minute."

You do as asked and get ready for bed, continuing the rest of your routine from a couple hours before - brushing your teeth and peeing, changing back into pyjamas. You get into your side of the bed, the comfort almost immediately soothing the aches in your body.

As promised, Tangerine follows closely behind, entering the bedroom with a glass of water in one hand and a pack of paracetamol in the other. He makes his way around the bed to your side, setting the glass and painkillers on your nightstand.

He gets in bed from his side, slipping under the covers, his arms instinctively reaching for you under them. He pulls you towards him, holding you tight. 

"Can you give me food poisoning tomorrow?" you attempt a joke, burying your face into his chest. 

"I'd rather throw myself down the stairs and break my legs and then sit in A&E all night so you could get the day off," he whispers, stroking over the back of your head.

"Might try that myself."

He presses a kiss into your cheek, tucking your face back into the comfort of his chest. "Enough now, get some sleep."

[charmedreincarnation]

How am I supposed to deal with anti-shifters and people literally calling shifting a mental illness? I know it’s real, and it's baffling how some people want me to confine myself to a reality that doesn’t serve me. It’s like they can't comprehend that our realities can be fluid and personal. And don't even get me started on the pretentious, usually well-off, white shifter content creators who make videos about how perma-shifters are selfish. It's as if they can't see past their privilege and understand the deeper connections and meanings behind shifting. I sometimes wish I could permanently delete this account from existence because it's just so frustrating to navigate through all this negativity and misunderstanding. I know now I’m in a world filled with possibilities, and yet some choose to limit themselves and impose those limits on others. I can be happy one day, truly happy one day and jt makes me angry that it makes some people mad I believe I can wake up in a new world with wealth and money and a family that doesn’t abuse me and visit my favorite movies. Im not hurting anyone

Not trying to be mean because I get it and went through this as well, but some of you are addicted to arguing and stirring things up. Some people become complicit in their own suffering because you don’t have to consume that type of content! you can avoid it if you train your algorithm hard enough.

If there’s one thing you can learn from religious people, it’s their “I’ll pray for you” mentality. If someone doesn’t believe in God, they just say they’ll pray for you so you don’t got to hell or whatever

When you encounter anti-shifters, just hope that one day they open their minds and discover there's more to the world than meets the eye. If they never choose to do so, it doesn’t affect your journey. One thing YOU SHOULD NOT take from religious people is making shifting your entire identity. Yes, it’s part of who you are, but it's not everything. When you don’t believe in God, some religious people become upset because religion is their identity, not just a belief system. Shifting and the loa are similar in that way—if you’re secure in your journey, would you really care if others believe or not?

You can block them and move on, but I know that’s easier said than done. It makes you angry because you’ve made it your identity instead of just an inherent way of life. Everyone shifts, even anti-shifters, so whether they believe in it or not doesn’t matter.

They’re like flat-earthers to me—I just roll my eyes and move on. It shouldn’t take a toll on your inherent being or mental health. If it does, take a step back. Stop diving into communities you know will make you angry. You don’t have to drag ShiftTok drama to Tumblr or rant about them. Avoid reblogging blogs that share misinformation and arguing with them. You don’t have to share YouTubers who think perma-shifters are delusional or self-harming.

Really sit down and think: if you genuinely believe in shifting and believe you can do it, would you go around trying to prove it to those with no interest in it? Are you trying to convince them or yourself? Don’t tie shifting or anything spiritual to your worth or identity. It’s just your inherent being. Everyone is God in their own right, whether they recognize it or not. It’s not your job to force enlightenment on others. Focus on yourself, use the block button, and defend yourself when attacked without meaning but if there’s no progress in the conversation, still use that block button. Stop entering spaces you don’t agree with.

LOA vs ND, be states vs A and P—some of you guys genuinely just want to live out your high school clique fantasies on Tumblr. Stop arguing and do your own thing. Engage in the free will you have and stop turning spirituality into pretentious Reddit philosophy echo chambers of people who have lost sight of the teachings. This isn’t politics no one focused on their journey and life cares okay; no one cares. It’s should be very fun, engaging and simple—just remembering who you are. I know humans love labels and categorizing because we’re so diverse and versatile and three-dimensional, and sometimes that’s a lot so we want to find our “place” but your own label and true essence and limitless. take a deep breath, close your laptop, and remember you already know who you are.

I totally get that shifting has been life-changing for us, especially when so many of us have come from really challenging backgrounds. It can be incredibly disheartening to see someone tearing apart something that gives you hope. That’s why I find it frustrating when people casually say, "The only thing you have to lose is trying." Hope is a huge factor when you feel like you’ve got nothing else, and the belief that something can save you is incredibly powerful. You work tirelessly, holding onto hope despite facing the same difficulties that dragged you into a tough mental state and life situation in the first place—that's disheartening, and I’m not trying to downplay that at all.

But when you truly realize it’s going to happen, and when it finally does, you won’t even care about the naysayers. I’ve been there, looking back and realigning my thoughts, thinking about all those times others doubted everything. They argued and criticized, but in the end, their opinions won’t matter. It’s about that personal journey and the shift within yourself, the kind of change that makes all the worth it, because when you get past all that useless noise, it’s just you and the incredible things that you did that matter. This is your life so make the most of it.

[erial-c]

WEDDING AUDIO BAYBEY‼️

ohh bare with me this live reacting was all over the place

UGGHH SAPPY DAVID IS SO CUTE  . i may not be the biggest shaw pack fan but his character development will never cease to kill me

asher panicking 😭😭 AND CALMING HIMSELF DOWN because he didn't realize today was the day

baaabe being dressed already?? that's ao fucking funny they fr just let ash sleep (also a little bit of personaloty for baaabe  . the crowd cheers)

asher please your mate is already dressed  . dear god

i love that darlin out of all people wanted to make it so that the mates won't see each other until the ceremony . i know it's mostly because they wanted to drive the listener groups aka the "fun group" as they call it (listeners are bffies CANON!!!) but it's much funnier to think they hold onto that tradition for some reason 

"we're fun too, right?  ...right???" yeah asher whatever you say🤞

YEAASSSS SPEAKER BANTER I LOVE THIS SHIT SAOW MUCJ

"i don't even want to imagine what chaos those four are getting up to" THW SILENCE IN THE CAR???? erik was giggling and kicking his feet putting this in the script huhhuh

darlin being the one to make sure neither of the mates are peeking LMAO  . and sam calling them beautiful too. kill me actually

milo calling out asher's hair "are you trying to look like you got married in a wind tunnel?????? david don't let him walk out like that!!!!!!" further proving the headcanon that milo is the most well dressed of the shaw pack 

milo's nervous as shit  😭😭 i forgot he was gonna be the fucking officiant bro id be sweating fucking bullets too

"just maybe.. cuss a little less" great advice to tell milo out of all people  , sam

serious talk with the alpha and beta .. shivers

"why did you pick me?" asher  . asher  please.

"take the chance of saying something that's not perfect, if it means you get to really say what you feel" crazy  . i love angel (they are a listener character)) (they have no voice)) 

"you're the other side of my coin. you always have been" DAVID  . DAAAVIDDDD.

its good to see that david understands that while he know he made the right choice, he still understands the heavy responsibility he put on ash in assigning him to be pack beta

"you're too hard on yourself too" "well we had to have something in common other than destiny and smash bros, right?" KILL ME. stop being cute you loser

big three shaw pack hug  . ill kill myself

"i'm going to be up there lookin this good, people are gonna be confused on whose day it is!" "are they gonna be able to see you? do we get a step stool for behind the podium?" MILO DON'T LISTEN 2 THEM MY SHORT KING🤞🤞🤞 also beta boy😭😭😭😭😭

the effortless switch from banter to being all sentimental and emotional is crazy  . i hate these guys (lie)

RAAAAGHHH CEREMONY💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ YEAAASSSSS

yaknow while i did expect a few side characters/guest VAs to voice side characters , i don't think the audio feels that empty . it's just focused on the main characters and honestly im actually ok with it

not the laugh track😭feels like im watching a sitcom this is so funny

im assuming all the guests are empowered/informed  , because milo is calling the couples "mates"

YEAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE VOWS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ HERECOME THE WATERWORKS (mine and theirs🤞🤞)

girl nevamind the silence for baaabe's/angelangel's vows r still so silly

"the- the pairs of you. to each other. not all together. uh- congratulations  . uh- clap, everybody. now" no actually we're a polycule neow . canon because i said so

[crowleys-hips]

ventish post

i feel like i sort of ceased to exist since july. i felt a blow nearly as hard as one i felt 4 years ago when i lost someone who's still very dear to me. and since then stuff has just kept happening and happening and happening and i stopped writing my novel and fell back on old bad habits and it really has felt like an exile of sorts. i've expressed it better in some of my poems, both GO and non GO, but that's just the tip of the iceberg tbh.

and i didn't even notice when, but i've recently realized that i also sort of stopped reading, when i used to read every day, all the time. now i sometimes manage to read maybe a short one shot. idk what's happened to me, but i feel like i've lost a huge part of me and years of my youth. like a christian finding out jesus' body has recently been found. or worse, like he never existed. and now it's hard to know where to put my faith in. i guess the right answer should be myself. but i've never known how to live for myself alone. but i want to learn. otherwise this will keep happening. and i know i should go back to therapy, but i feel like im too sick for therapy, if that makes sense.

anyway, my point is that, im really trying to get back on my feet. try to really exist again. act like a human and not fall back on my ghost tendencies. but everything is so overwhelming, like there's so much to do i end up not doing any of it. i stare at all my unread books and fics ive saved for later and im afraid later won't ever come. like i'll never catch up. and it kills me. bc i want to know more of all these brilliant minds, but ive been buried under the rubble of my dreams. im a writer who's forgotten how to read. im an artist who's forgotten how to hold a pen. a musician who now only stares at the piano longingly. my plants are dying and i let them. i want myself back, and i really am trying, but most of the time it feels like i go one step forward and three steps back. i just don't know how to deal with so much death without feeling like i also died. im trying so hard to dig myself out, and prove im not dead yet, but i keep falling asleep, and haunting my own dreams. but im fucking trying. i swear i am.

finally did some watering and pruning yesterday. started a painting and failed miserably but at least now i know what to not do. didn't drink for two nights in a row. my streak was 2 and 1/2 months lol. still writing poems, trying to write more again. i got today free, so i think i'll use today to just let myself read again and try not to feel guilty that "i'm not doing anything" bc i am. watching this fandom's great supportive, caring, and positive attitude has helped. and ofc my dearest friends and my beloved. despite everything, im glad i found this place.

[saintmagx]

I Knew you were Trouble❤️‍🔥

Part 3

Pairing: Jimmy Uso x reader

AN: if you would like tagged let me know 💖 Trinity is still with WWE. No specific timeline

⚠️ Warnings: 18+ , swearing, violence (this is the WWE after all) slight smut, infidelity, jealous Jimmy, bad writing, cringe story telling, the Usos (because they are a warning in themselves) ⚠️

JIMMY IS SO FINE LIKE 😭🤤 HELP!!!! Also is anyone else just loving how much fun he’s having on Smackdown right now????? YEEET 🤪 NO YEET 😐

The hustle and bustle of the gorilla can be a bit much for some people but not me, it strangely helps me get in the zone, ready to become my onscreen persona and throw yn out the window. Hunter confirmed the timeline for myself and trinity to win the tag team titles - five weeks away at Summerslam. Trin was still determined to get us an in ring team name and had enlisted Beverly the seamstress to start working on matching outfits - I love her but when she sets her mind to something - nothing and I mean nothing stands in her way.

Tonight I had a singles match against Liv Morgan, a simple one on one match with a clean win for me. Waiting for my cue the Uso’s come through the curtain after finishing their match. Josh greets me with his huge infectious smile and warm embrace, Jon on the other hand greets me with his signature fiery stare.

“Good luck out there yn. The crowd is on fire tonight!”

Josh walks away leaving me standing with Jon once more.

“We need to stop meeting like this.” Jon says with a smirk

“Ah yes, however it is hard when we work at the same place and are friends with the same people, the likelihood of us continually bumping into each other is pretty high.” Proud of my self for my reply I look at him smiling awaiting his response.

“Ya know, for a pretty girl you have a pretty smartass mouth. I sure hope you ain’t all talk and can back up that mouth babygirl.” He gives me a final once over and heads over to Josh who is standing chatting to his cousin Joe.

Focus yn, focus.

“Yn, you’ve missed your cue, get out there NOW.”

Shit. I don’t need distractions right now, I need to prove to Hunter and everyone backstage that i deserve to be here and I deserve these titles.

My match against Liv went to plan, we only had a 7 minute slot so it was quick and effective.

Trin

Hey so a few of us are heading to dinner before you guys have to be back on the road for the European tour. You in?

Yn

Of course girl, lemme get ready and I’ll meet you at the car 💗

Trin

I’ve already left the arena, but Jon and Josh are still there, tag along with them and I’ll see you at dinner 💕

Great. The more I try to keep away from Jon the more fate keeps throwing us together.

The car ride to the restaurant was pretty normal actually. Jon and Josh were in the front talking tactics from their match and goofing off. Me on the other hand was a simple bystander to this, it was nice. The bond the boys have is special, really warms the heart.

“Earth to yn!”

Josh snaps me out of my thoughts

“Sorry, um what were you saying?”

“Damn, not even paying attention to me huh.”

“Oh shush Josh, I’m tired.” I say laughing, I wouldn’t tell them that the real reason I was preoccupied was because I was in awe of them and their bond, those boys don’t need bigger heads.

With Josh fake falling out with me, I turn my attention to Jon.

“Can you tell me what he said?”

“Please?” I beg batting my eyelids, being a little flirtatious always gave me the upper hand, but with Jon it was dangerous territory I was entering.

Looking at me from the mirror he licks his lips.

“Sorry yn! Ain’t no way I ain’t siding with my bro.”

“That’s right uce. Day ones!”

Josh turns to me with a smug ass look on his face. Rolling my eyes I turn my attention to my phone ignoring them both.

Sighing I question “how am I going to manage myself with you two double teaming me.”

Jon’s eyes dart to the mirror with a playful glint in his eyes.

“Im sure you’ll be able to take us.” His eyes revert back to the road as we pull up to the restaurant.

Fluttering. Everywhere. That’s the only way I can describe it. There wasn’t a part in my body left that hadn’t been effected by Jon and his words. When I said double teaming me I hadn’t meant anything by it other than then ganging up on me but now, all I can think about is both their hands on me, Josh attacking my neck, Jon all over my breasts sucking and caressing them.

“You’ve been pretty quiet tonight, what’s up?” Trin enquires.

Truth is I’ve been distracted, Jon’s words in the car, watching Jon interact with Trin like a normal husband and wife, the feeling of jealousy and shame washing over me.

“I’m just tired honestly, plus I’ve still got so much to do before I leave for Europe tomorrow.”

“And moody, was all pissy with me in the car earlier, right Jon?”

“She sure was.”

I look at the twins and flip them off making the everyone at the table laugh lightening the mood. I hate how one man has effect me so much. And I know it’s only going to get worse once we kick of the European tour. No wife and me close by for 7 whole days - it has disaster written all over it.

Sorry it’s kinda short, felt like this was a good place to end! Anyhooo

Tagged: @southerngirl41 @missfamilyjeweles @jeyusos-girl @christinabae @jeyusosgirl @raya-hunter01 @harlem11680 @theogsamoanqueen @harmshake

[autisticlee]

when you're autistic and can't mask and genuinely don't know how to talk to and interact with people, but you really want friends or something.....people tell you "go to places and ~just talk to people~ it's easy" but when you ask how to talk to people they say "just say anything" but you're super confused because any attempts to try to speak either end in getting completely ignored, bullied, or worse, because you're "weird and creepy" and can't say things right, make everyone uncomfortable, and making strange noises to communicate when you can't speak actual words isn't acceptable. that's if you can even physically say anything at all! because if you struggle to speak in general, then it's game over before it even begins. small talk seems simple because you can script most of it, but I can't even do that irl. even online when I do it, it never goes past that. i never feel connected to people, get bored/uninterested, don't know what to do after, and don't know when it's appropriate to start talking about special interests, if at all, because most people dont share my interests at all

no one has advice for that besides "just do it" and no one is ever patient or kind enough to try to engage themsleves, because no one understands how hard speaking is! it's always expected that *I* initiate everything and have to do all the work because im the one that wants a friend. no one is interested in me first, so no one will be the one to initiate first. i've gone to things alone, awkwardly did everything alone, tried to talk to people and failed, but no one approached me first or tried to converse and be friends. if someone did try to talk to me, i'd be so overwlmed with sensory processing disorder that i dont hear them and before i can try to clarify what they said, they walk away. my processing speed is so slow that i cant react before they get lost in the crowd.

I always end up extremely overwhelmed, burnt out, and need to find a quiet place alone to have at least a few meltdown or shutdowns. i'm struggling and suffering the whole time, but i'm "just doing it" because people keep telling me I need to "just try" and no one will help or support me and my needs and struggles so I have no choice but to put myself in dangerous situations where I can't be fully aware of my surroundings because i'm so disabled by my brain. I don't know how to behave if i'm not following and copying someome i'm with. instead I just dissociate until i'm not present and i'm unaware of myself and everyone and thing around me, while also being painfully aware of all the sensory input that wants to send me into meltdowns.

realistically, I don't think I *should* be going anywhere alone. I need help. I need support. I've gotten into near trouble with strangers who see me as an easy target but somehow got lucky and got away. I can't ask got help if I need it. I can't scream if one of those strangers got ahold of me. actually one DID get ahold of me once. I don't remember how I got oht of it. i dissociated so bad I have no memory after being grabbed...I don't know how to react to trouble correctly. I don't know basic common sense needed for being out alone. *I* know i'm in danger by being out alone but everyone in my life ignores my needs and struggles and forces me to either do everything alone or rot in my tiny dark room alone. so I decide to prove to them doing things alone is dangerous and doesn't help me. i'll tell them the dangerous stuff I got into they don't care. they just lecture me for not acting normal.

but I try. I try so hard. I hate every moment of ot and never get anythjg out of it except misery and pain and mental and emotional turmoil. but people don't believe me that i'm actually trying because they swear it will work if I "just try" so I keep trying and keep having a horrible time. it always ends in me feeling horrible physically and emotionally, being burnt out and disappointed that i didnt make friends like i was told i would just by going there alone. going to places does not mean you automatically make friends!!!!!! everyone else goes there *with* friends. they aren't looking for new ones. people who are good at making friends don't need to go places to make friends, because they already have them! so no social person who is good at talking and really nice is going to be there looking for friends, see i'm alone, and become my friend. hell, most social people talk one look at my awkward ass and turn the other way. they dont want someone awkward around them. my first impression is horrible. that's what people judge by. it's expected that i'm the one to try to break into a group of people and sell my soul to them and make them want to add me to their already established friend group. but i'll never know what group i'd fit in. I barely have the social energy to be around a crowd of people. how am I expected to interact with even a single person??? when you don't have the skill, social energy, or general ability to do any of the expected social stuff and cant mask on top of it, you have no other choice but to accept being alone forever...😞

[redditreceipts]

hi, I’m not sure how to word this right…I’m a transmasculine (NOT TRANSMALE) woman, it’s hard to explain exactly what it means but that’s the closest I’ve gotten, gnc works too I guess though doesn’t fully articulate it.

But I’ve identified as a lot of things since a really early age, generally always circling back to a trans man. Im a survivor of sexual abuse/exploitation, and I would always find myself identifying as the “stereotypical feminine woman” when I was in a worse state and wanted to be objectified, then identifying as a trans male when I wanted to be treated like a human. I figured this meant trans-manhood was what was really right for me, that womanhood was something I only went to as self harm, but recently I thought “would I want to be a man if women were treated like people too” and I realized I wouldn’t.

I support transgender and transsexual rights fully, but I really wish that there was more acknowledgment of sexism. Not just misogyny…sexism.

I thought I was above misogyny, but I’m only recently realizing at age 19 that I didn’t view women as human the way I viewed men as human, and I felt this way because of how I’ve been treated as a female all my life. The way people treat you from birth goes beyond anything a male could comprehend, and it’s so engrained that no one even notices it. We’re not allowed to express emotions or opinions because it’s “too much” and we’re “too loud” especially if we’re not white (which I’m not), we have to do so much more work to be considered an equal by men, we’re talked about in society as objects to be obtained rather than living breathing complex humans, we’re not given margin for error like men are, we’re held to higher standards, we’re constantly forced to prove ourselves in every single capacity in a way men never have to, we’re treated as objects and toys and constantly referred to only with degrading misogynist slurs, we’re aborted for our sex and not given the same education as male classmates and shut out of conversations and objectified before we can even walk, When it’s laid out like that, yeah it’s no wonder so many women (myself included) feel like manhood is the key to humanity. Because It is. Because in society there are people and women, and the current queer community is all too comfortable to bulldoze over this oppression and pretend there’s no such thing as sexism because acknowledging that means challenging their “everyone is valid uwu” shit. Im not saying there aren’t just actual trans men, of course there are, but come on.

Hey :) sorry for the late answer, I've been a bit busy so yeah

I think I kinda get what you mean when you say that you are transmasculine, and I personally think that if that's the best word to describe it, you should go for it! Identity is always a personal matter. I would however argue that identity does not override material reality, and in political terms, we are defined by our biological sex, amongst other things :)

And yes, you are so right when you say that there should be more of an acknowledgement of sexism in the trans community! Women are seen as subhuman, and a woman has to do much more than a man to just be considered a person. That is especially true in the intersection with race and sex.

And well, the trans gender community relies on upholding gender. How many transmasculine people do you see being annoyed when they're being called "she", and they say stuff like "You're calling me she? With my short hair? Dressed like this??"

the recognition of a member of one sex as a member of the opposite sex is much, much harder without gender steretoypes. Abolishing gender leaves us with the cold, hard reality of the oppression of the female sex. I feel like gender is all the pretty fluff and mystification of a brutal truth: Women are seen as less than human.

And yes, I also sometimes feel like I have to be super androgynous to be considered human. But I'm not, and trying to change your sex instead of changing the oppressive systems is like trying to be straight instead of challenging homophobia.

Anyways, I'm glad you're here :) Here's a cat with an octopus on it's head for you :)

[ask--eggman]

hey, im sorry if this is a sensitive topic but i cant stop thinking about it, do you recal your attempted suicide bombing in station square? do you recall what drove you to suicide? it must have been somthing awful if it pushed somone as brave and as strong as you to take your own life.. did anyone at all try to reach out? i doubt any of those so-called "herros" tryed to offer suport to somone undergoing sutch agony, again, you dont have to respond if you dont want to, but i truly want to know, and im shure the whole empire will suport you in whatever you were or are going through :)

I'm never one to lose hope and determination and give into defeat but that was just a time when it all got to me. I work so hard to accomplish my goals and put so much time, effort and passion into my plans but something comes along and ruins it, again and again. On that particular day, I'd finally reached my capacity for the disappointment, anger and stress. Not just for that day but for my entire lifetime.

Anyone else inferior and weaker than me would be broken down by failure much more often and much sooner, than the one time it pushed me too far. It wasn't really a conscious decision more than something that hit me in the spur of the moment. At first I just thought I'd at least blow Station Square up if nothing else. There would be some catharsis in that blue pest still not succeeding in saving their pathetic lives.

Oh but then of course the missile had to be a dud. Of course even that couldn't go right. So I just thought "Oh, fuck it all", and went to detonate it by hand. I knew I was going to die and I was going to happily take the whole city with me. Once I'd made my mind up, I felt happy, I had a blast trying to race Tails to that missile. I found myself begging for him to wait for me when he was ahead.

It was something to be determined to accomplish again, one I was sure nobody could ruin this time. One last glimmer of hope to succeed in something, one last thrill racing across the city in my Egg Mobile onward to destruction, then I'd be free from ever having to experience failure again. I'd go out having accomplished one part my plan of destroying Station Square, even if I didn't get to build the empire I always dreamed of.

I was tired of being the one who it all ended in destruction for, I wanted others to experience that devastation. For once, I wanted it to end with their destruction and my success and it seemed like the only way. But I obviously lost that race because here I am today. Well, that snapped me out of it and so I went back to trying to kill the little pest Tails who stopped me, since he's the one that actually deserves death really.

Nobody reached out to me and I didn't expect them to. They're used to breaking down everything I build and waiting for the next time I get back up to try to bring me down again and the cycle repeats. It's always just me alone to pick myself up and keep fighting in the end. But I don't need anyone else. I know if I keep at it, I'll succeed. So I try my hardest to fight to accomplish my dreams and not let my mind slip back into that place.

Anyway, enough about that.

The way I still came back from that and have only become stronger and more successful and determined over time just further proves my power! It's another of the many reasons why I deserve to have all of your support, admiration and praise and be your mighty emperor! So that's to be expected, you wouldn't have a choice either way, hehe~

[prettypinktulips]

Hello, hope you are having a lovely day so far!

I just stumbled by your account lol and I wanted to request if your okay of course!

Male reader x Cassidy!

The male reader is Mercy’s younger brother! One day Mercy decided to take her young brother to meet the team and see her work basically. The male reader is very shy and doesn't like socializing unless he's comfortable with them! Ofc has glasses lol! He gets along with everyone especially with the girls lol since they enjoy his presence and how adorable and nice he is like his big sister, Mercy! Incoming Cassidy having the biggest crush on her little brother loving every part of him especially his personality. Everyone knows that the Cowboy is down bad for Mercy's little brother, and mercy gets protective ofc her being the big sister. Overall, just Cassidy trying to prove to Mercy that his capable of protecting her brother and loving him!!!!💌

Again you don't have to do this request, good day!💌🪴🫧

he is so babygirl how could u nit like a cowboy especially a love struck cowboy!! || THANK U FOR REQUESTING sometimes it takes me a little to process stuff so dont think im ignoring u when i dont respond right away!?!?! i was just so overwhelmed with joy when people requested !!! ALSO HEADS UP for this im just gonna put y/n with white hair cus hes mercys brother u can imagine him with other colours if u want also NOT LIMITED TO SPECIFIC HAIR TYPES ALL MALE READERS ARE WELCOME!

"Do I really have to go?" Y/N sighed and frowned slightly. "What if they don't like me.." Mercy shook her head and smiled at him hoping it would cheer Y/N up. "Trust me, they'll love you (n/n)!" She gently grabbed her brothers hand and held it close. "And if they don't I'll make sure to take care of them, okay?" Mercy said, earning a chuckle from her brother. "Alright, Alright. Fine." Y/N sighed in defeat.

-------------------

THE HEADQUARTERS

Mercy walked in and held Y/N by her side, Y/N was swallowing hard what if the team didn't like him. And what if Mercy wasn't there to protect him all of the time? That would be insane, Mercy almost never leaves him. Until she has to go work of course, this was one of the main reasons Mercy offered to take him to the headquarters, so they didn't have to be separated. When the doors closed behind them everyone made an immediate glance towards them. Y/N tried to choke down all of his nervousness.

"Hey everyone!" Mercy smiled. Y/N could already tell Mercy was most of everyone's favorite. How could she not? She's really friendly and sociable. D.Va was the first to approach him. "You're such a cutie! Almost as cute as me!" She pinched his cheek as some of the other women started to surround him, he felt sweat start to form on his face as he got a little anxious.

Cassidy was watching back from the corner, he was sitting in his chair with his arms crossed. So what if he's Mercy's brother? Doesn't make him better than anybody else. He thought to himself, laying his fist against his cheek. He watched Y/N's every move as he bit his lip slightly. For some reason it was making him quite angry that so many.. women were surrounding Y/N, he didn't know why it just did. Mccree stood up and cleared his throat a bit loud, gaining the attention of everyone. "Seems like the new guy would like some space.. isn't that right, sugar?"

Y/N felt his eyes widen a little. Is he talking to me?! He blushed a lot and nodded slightly. "I..I guess it would be nice to have some space to myself.." He adjusted his glasses a little. Cassidy motioned Y/N to come sit by him and he easily obeyed, Y/N sat down next to the cowboy and sat there a bit awkwardly. Mercy raised an eyebrow and looked over at the two. "Hmm." He never seemed interested when I talked about my brother, I wonder what his deal is? "Mccree." She semi-yelled at him and crossed his arms.

"Yeah?" Cassidy chuckled and started to stand, he looked down at Y/N. "We'll continue this in a bit, sugar." He looked back over at Mercy and walked up to her. Y/N was just confused. He knew nothing about this guy and he's just calling him pet names! But then it also seems he does it with everybody else.. So I guess he's not as special as he thought. Back to him and Mercy all Y/N could do was watch their face expressions and try to picture out what they could possibly be talking about. "What do you think you're doing with my brother?" Mercy hissed quietly, she obviously had a more rather angry look on her face. Y/N has never seen her angry. "What are you talking about, darling? I'm just trying to learn about him. Like everybody else." He smirked. "I told you to stop calling me those names! You're making this much worse than it should."

"So I can't talk to him but everyone else can? That doesn't seem fair." Mccree smirked obviously knowing that he's pissing her off. "I've seen what you done to the other people that you tried to 'talk to' my brother doesn't deserve that!" Mercy pushed him to the side and walked over to Y/N, she sat down in what was Cassidy's chair. "Y/N, do not talk to him, okay? He's nothing but bad news!" Y/N was a little confused but gave an unsure nod. I don't know what he said but it seemed to make her really upset.

Cassidy rolled his eyes and walked up to them. He crossed his arms and looked down at the siblings. "She doesn't know what the hell she's talking about! I wasn't trying to date those people.. they were just one night stands! Mercy thinks I'm trying to have a one night stand with you, sugar." Y/N felt his eyes widen a little and backed into his chair a little. One night stand? The hell is he talking about! "I.." Y/N was left speechless.. what was he supposed to say to that? "Nobody wants to hear about your one night stands!" Mercy hurried to stand and looked at the cowboy. "You want my brother bad, huh?" Mercy scowled him and grabbed him by his hair, she looked into his eyes. "You so much as look at him the wrong way you can go ahead and kiss your other arm goodbye." Thats the first time anyone has seen Mercy be so.. intimidating, everyone else was just sitting there;watching.

Y/N just sat there watching too, his mouth hanging open a little. He never knew his sister could be this formidable. "Alright, alright! Just let me go!" Cassidy tried to pull her hand away as a soft whimper left his lips. Mercy eventually let him go after a few more minutes of scolding and threatening him. Everyone was definitely going to tease him later for this. He sat back down next to Y/N as he tried to fix his hair a bit. "Y..You have feelings for me?" Y/N barely mumbled out looking into Cassidy's eyes, the cowboy nodded and crossed his arms. "Did you not see the conversation me and your sister just had?" They both chuckled. "Well.. I suppose having a little fun with you would hurt, cowboy." Y/N smiled.

[joelletwo]

(second post) extensively noted im RLY unclear on a lot of endgame gintama. i am disabled and it makes me a bad reader and im irritable abt it and i dont really want anyone to explain things to me on this Specific post lol. im just thinking things thru to myself.

hard to hold a lot of sugi's gayass trauma mental processes in my head all at once. the elisions between destroying the world [math symbol] destroying gintoki who stands in the way of that as a universal constant [math symbol] destroying the political foundations of the country from the inside using connections with the same forces (this guy does NOT understand the larger background plots of gintama and isnt sure if this is correct ->) that in part got his teacher killed and set this whole thing off* [math symbol] destroying himself.

(*side note i think there was a real missed opportunity to bookend all of sugi's political maneuvering which was treated by the plot as. SIGNIFICANT. and extensive. and effective. and one step ahead of all the chars we see pre-utsuro reveals. by revisiting it after the utsuro reveals and coming down on his schemes as either ultimately fruitless and really just getting him in over his head bc he didnt understand the real forces at play OR still effective bc sorachi wanted to retroactively say he and katsura understood all the shadowy background shenanigans. but zura kind of takes over the role of political maneuverer. but worse and stupider.)

(not a WHOLE lot under the cut its just getting unwieldy as a post.)

like if he just wants to kill himself why does he have to take the world down with him (katsura planning a beautiful death seppuku line). if he's doing this out of love for gintoki (canon fact.) why does gintoki need to be broken.

but if i stop trying to untangle what materially he means by all of that then i can understand sugi's actions post-execution as kind of in parallel with my understanding of oboro and utsuro's, which is to say, they are acting on behalf of what they think are universal laws of nature both because they believe in them and also to push the world to the breaking point to test their immutability and prove their fatalistic worldviews right or wrong. [with gintoki as the main tool to do so.]

sugi's inability to reconcile gintoki's decision to save them over sensei bc he cant understand how he'd possibly deserve it + resents gintoki for going against their understood mutual sensei as number one priority + grieves for gintoki having to bear that cross. um. turns into the desire to. destroy the world that made gintoki cry -> gintoki is an unshakeable barrier of protection in front of that world -> prove that the world sucks and isnt worth protecting by making it into sugi's own most pessimistic conceptions of it from childhood that shouyou had started to prove him wrong about -> push gintoki to a point where he will realize that he chose wrong and sugi was meant to die instead

and in parallel. avenge the death of the man who had shown him a better path in life -> throw away the life that man had sacrificed himself to protect -> um if i go down this path i just start rewriting reductionisms' proofs on seppuku and bushido again. waves hand. take the contradictory tragedy as laid out.

like utsuro trying the open mind+open heart gambit for one life and then immediately giving up. and oboro. well oboro is harder to unpack and summarize for me. but he serves utsuro's goals in service of his own goal of. proving rebellion like he and shouyou tried is futile? takes it upon himself to destroy shouyou's legacy to prove it's okay that shouyou-the-concept died. idk a lot of layers going on in oboro its not important to focus on here.

the. making a half-step of progress into a better world that you're having to pioneer and imagine into existence. and then, when u fail under the world's pushback, deciding to undo all that progress with your own hands. and one guy says no, it's still possible, and im going to do it. and you're like. what if i made it as hard as possible so that if u succeed despite that u realize my dearest hopes with IRREFUTABLE proof so that i dont have to face how scary it is to try without knowing if its even possible.

WHIIIIIIIICH. i find all of that incredibly sexy on all of their parts. i enjoy it a lot i like it when humans act out of irrepressible existential fear bc fuck man. living is scary. thats basically the backbone of every gintama antagonist and gintoki [who carries on shouyou's desire to fight and win against his own nature, and thus is himself an antagonist].

whiiiiiiiiiiich. makes it so interesting that these three specifically. other than bansai lol. are the ONLY!!!!!! real casualties of the story conclusion. that gintoki DOES carry thru and realize all their hopes of the world for them by beating them as obstacles. AND they dont get to live and see the fruits of it. but im not prepared to unpack what that means narratively at this point in time.