#i told my mother after: this is what even regular interactions tend to feel like for me even when the person thinks they’re being clear

[willowfey]

i just had the worst autistic experience at a quick serve restaurant where i was trying to order the “chicken with 2 sides” option, which i was trying to make macaroni and yuca fries.

what the employee SHOULD have said was “yuca fries cannot be chosen for this meal as they are a Specialty Side, and only original sides qualify for this specific meal”. i would have understood perfectly. instead what did she keep repeating to me over and over, getting annoyed when i didn’t understand?

“what it says on the menu and what you’re asking for are two different things”

….. bitch what?????

i damn near cried no matter what i asked she would not explain it to me differently i was ready to give up my order entirely until my mother stepped up to figure it out for me.

catch me making my own food at home for the rest of the WEEK at least

[nicos-oc-hell]

While I’m stressing over finals, have some oc content in the form of videos and lore posts because I refuse to be near a computer outside of school until next week. Send an ask if you have questions about any of my ocs that can’t be found on their profiles or if they don’t have a profile yet.

I realized I never made like an actual post talking about Dimitri being possessed and all of his diagnoses. At the age of seven Dimitri was possessed by two spirits, a kitsune and one of his ancestors. At the age of ten he was diagnosed with Multiple Personalities Disorder (MPD, it’s the 80s so the term switch hasn’t happened yet). At the age of 14 Dimitri was bit by a werewolf.

Most of his character development is revolved around coming to terms that he can’t ignore his diagnosis, the fact that he’s a werewolf and the fact that he’s possessed by two dickhead spirits as it is all apart of him. It got pretty hard ignoring them once he realized that he would need Ricardo’s help if he was to take over the family business like his grandparents want him to.

He also had to learn how to control not only the powers he gained from Húlí, the kitsune, but also to learn how to hold back Ricardo, his many times great uncle, from taking his revenge out everyone. Then there’s the trying to figure out how to not randomly turn into a different person when he’s stressed out.

The switches were never noticeable until at least five minutes after they happened because that’s when people realized Dimitri or Damian or Volk (the werewolf) was no longer with them. It became slightly easier when Dimitri mastered his mist flames and they all started reconfiguring the body into their imagine of what they wanted to look like.

There’s six “personalities” as the psychiatrist likes to call them. In reality there’s only three personalities, Dimitri the “main” that’s just regular shmegular Dimitri with all his mental disorders. Depression, anxiety from whenever he’s near Giotto and Angelica (his father and mother), PTSD, the adhd. Faceclaim: Jabari Banks

Ricardo is the many times great uncle of Dimitri. It’s not really known how Dimitri came to be possessed by Ricardo and you can’t really take the word of a known psychopath. He takes the form of what he looked like before he died, a curly brown haired and blue eyed Italian. Faceclaim: Penn Badgley

Húlí is a kitsune who had recently “accidentally” got their previous user killed in the forest behind the Vongola mansion. Húlí attached onto the closet powerful being they could so there wouldn’t be another mishap like what had happened with the previous user. He’s not necessarily a vengeful spirit, he just loves to fuck with people and uses his powers to inconvenience others. Faceclaim: Son Woo-Hyun

Volk is what Rowen started calling Dimitri’s werewolf and it kinda just stuck. Dimitri got bit at the age of 14 while he was wandering around the expansive forest behind the mansion even after he was explicitly told to stop going back there. During the week leading up to the full moon is when Volk decides to be present and he didn’t want to be left out of all the fun of switching Dimitri’s body around. Faceclaim: Tom Welling

Trigger warning for the reasons behind Damian and Demeter’s alters

Then there’s Damian, he was formed to keep Dimitri from remembering most of his abusive history with Giotto. Damian is who mostly interrupts Dimitri’s life if he feels something could trigger Dimitri. Damian will often forth when Dimitri ever has to interact with Giotto or his mother to shield Dimitri from their abusive tendencies. He tends to take the form of a more Asian looking boy to try and connect more with his Asian side of the family. Faceclaim: Ryan Potter

Demeter, she was formed after an incident in Russia when she was 8 that she doesn’t like to talk about. She is meant to reflect the childhood Dimitri should’ve had growing up without the threat of his father having a bad day and taking his anger out on him. She takes the form of young Dimitri and her name is where Dimitri derived from. Faceclaim: Mila Davis-Kent

[in-tua-deep]

Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 8*

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

I know, I wait almost 4 days and now you gotta go through this bullshit. I can already hear your cries of anguish and suffering.

I love it so much. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

That being said I promise regular chapters for the rest of the week! Okay I don't promise but I promise to do my best.

Note: Alright it's a fanfic people, alternate universes and all that. So you know what we're saying that all the Carisi sisters are younger, and Sonny was the big bro. Kay? I can't deal with all the continuity stuff.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

------------------------

Sonny was watching TV with Amanda when his phone went off. He paused the movie and answered the phone:

“Barba it’s kinda late--”

“What's wrong with your cousin?” he flatly said.

“Excuse me?” Sonny asked. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just answer the question, Carisi,” Barba insisted.

“Well it's a loaded question, Barba.” Sonny replied.

“Okay then just answer me this,” Barba sighed. “Why did I come back to my apartment to find her halfway through my once full bottle of vodka and pouting on the couch. Oh, after she had gone through all of my things of course,”

“Aw shit,” Sonny muttered under his breath. “That's kind of on me, Barba,”

“One second babe,” He muttered to Amanda, while he got up and went into his kitchen.

“Babe?” Barba asked.

“It’s just Rollins,” Sonny dismissed it.

“So you have feelings for me, but you’re fucking Rollins?” He asked in a snarky tone.

“What, are you jealous or somethin’ Barba?” Sonny smirked.

“No, don’t be stupid,” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Why is it on you?” He changed the subject.

“I should have never filled her head with doubts and suspicions and then sent her back to your place; when I should have known that you would keep a full bar in your apartment,” Sonny sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

“Well of course I would keep a stocked bar in my apartment Sonny, I entertain people and I'm a grown man,” Rafael scoffed.

“Yeah, again it's on me,” Sonny repeated.

“Okay so what is wrong with your cousin?” Rafael asked.

“I think that pretty much answers it, don't you think?” Sonny asked in a “duh” tone.

“... I see,” Rafael glanced at his bedroom door wearily.

“Where is she now? Did you send her away? Please tell me you didn't send her away,” Sonny begged.

“No I didn't send her away, she's sleeping it off in my bedroom,” He got up and walked to his bedroom door. “I didn't want to just kick her out because she was upset. I'm not that big of a dick,” He whispered as he watched you sleep. You looked so calm and peaceful, that’s the girl he remembered.

“ You know, this should probably be better explained in person,” Sonny walked back into his living room where Amanda glanced over at him. He motioned for her to get her stuff together.

“Can I come over?”

“Yeah okay, not like I have anything else to do,'' he rolled his eyes as he shut his bedroom door and walked back to his living room.

--------------.

Sonny showed up to Rafael's apartment with a loaded head and a semi heavy conscience. He knocked on the door and Rafael let him inside.

“Okay so what kind of long story is this,” Rafael asked while he poured himself a glass of scotch. He noticed Sonny giving him a weird look.

“What? It's not like she's in here now,” he rolled his eyes.

“True,” He nodded. “Do you have beer?”

“Yes, dark or light?” Rafael made a disgusted face while he asked. He couldn't stand the taste of beer but he always had it on him just in case he had barbarians over such as Sonny.

“Shiner Bock, if you have it,” Sonny requested. Rafael nodded as he went into his ‘party fridge’ and handed him one before sitting on the couch across from him.

“Alright so where do I start?” Sonny thought out loud.

“Well I guess first of all I wanted to say I don’t wanna say I told you so, but this is exactly why I didn't want you and Y/N to get involved in the first place. It had nothing to do with my feelings for you. It’s because I know that you tend to keep relationships with guys and girls chill and casual, but Y/N is a special case and special to me,”

“Yeah.. I wish you had expressed that before,” Rafael groaned.

Well what was I supposed to say in front of her, Barba? ‘Oh hey by the way, you probably shouldn't get involved with my trainwreck of a cousin? Sonny asked defensively.

“Maybe? I don’t know…” Rafael sighed as he put his head in his hands.

“Look, Rafael,” Sonny put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like she’s some kinda degenerate junkie,”

“Oh well, that’s great--” He started to roll his eyes.

“I’m serious Rafael!” He pounded the table.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry Sonny,” He finally used his first name, trying to be as soft with him as possible. He could see how much you meant to him, and it was really endearing. “Go ahead,”

“Alright,” Sonny sighed, ready to tell your life story. You would probably kill him later for it, but there was no hiding your...issues now, he might as well get the whole context.

“Well, first of all-- her dad died before she was born, overdose,” He began. “Then she was stuck with her junkie mother, my auntie. Who by the way at this point, nobody had heard from in years,” He took a sip of beer.

“So anyways,” He began again. “One day, she showed up at my mom’s doorstep with Y/N, and told her that she can’t take care of Y/N, or that she didn’t want to,” He sighed. “She was three years old by then, I don’t even wanna think about what happened before then,”

“Jesus…” Rafael muttered.

“I was eight years old at the time, my sisters were even younger. My mom and dad had enough on their plate with just us. So, I kinda took her under my wing,” He went on.

“We became so close, she wanted to go by “Sunny” just so she could be like me. I told her it would be confusing for the two of us, so I called her Sunshine, Sunny for short. That way if I’m calling her sunny, then obviously it’s not myself,” He chuckled. To this day, he still called you Sunshine.

“But as she grew up, she just...kinda had a rough go. She didn’t really interact with kids her own age, she was really defensive and untrusting with anybody but me. Not even my parents. And then we got the call that her mother died, and it ripped me up inside to see her body at the funeral. It was so fucked up, she was so fucked up. That’s why I-- I think something really bad happened to her when she was with her mother, Rafael. Like-- really, bad.

“Fuck..." Rafael muttered while glancing at his bedroom door. He didn't want to imagine what you had been through at such a young age. He wanted to run in his room right now and just hold you, but he kept his composure.

“So then I went off to college when she was ten years old, just about to start junior high. She begged me to stay, but I told her she had a good family and that my parents and sisters loved her as much as I did, and to stay out of trouble. But...kids are cruel. They made her harder, and harder. Without me there to be her-- I dunno, her guiding light or her-- protector, she just kinda fell into a bad crowd by the time high school rolled around,” He sighed while taking another swig of beer.

“...Right,” Rafael nodded.

“So when i came home from school my mom told me she was going to kick Sunny out. I asked her why, and she went on and on about how she had gotten in with these local girls who were like, I dunno some kinda girl gang, and they’d knock over liquor stores and then get drunk and stoned. She said she was never around anyway, unless it was to steal money out of her purse; And she just didn’t wanna deal with her anymore,”

“...But she was only fifteen at the time,” Rafael was stunned.

“Yeah, and that’s what I told her!” Sonny exclaimed. “Look Barba my mom is the salt of the earth, but like I said she had a lot on her plate and my dad wasn’t around a lot-- and she had three other daughters to watch out for,”

“Three of her OWN daughters,” Rafael clarified with a judgmental tone.

“HEY,” Sonny warned. “I know how it sounds. And maybe-- maybe you’re right, maybe that’s why she washed her hands clean of Sunny. Because she was just a by-product of her fucked up sister. But I-- I’m not gonna condemn her for it. And you sure as hell don’t get to judge her,”

“You’re right,” Rafael nodded while sipping his scotch.

“So I took Sunny in,” Sonny finished his beer as he wrapped up his story. “I took her in while I went through the police academy. I made sure she got sober, quit hangin’ out with those girls, I got her to do well in school, hell I got her to graduate high school!”

“And…?” Rafael pressed.

“...And when I started bouncing around precincts, she was finally a productive member of society so she started living on her own. She had a few jobs, but never really going anywhere. So once I got placed here in SVU and started making better money, I started helping her out with rent and her car, as long as she promised to start going to community college. Which she agreed to because she really does wanna make something of herself,” He half smiled thinking about how far you had come and how proud he was to call you his cousin now. You were so full of life with dreams and ambitions he never saw in you as a scared little kid.

“Okay so-- how does all of this lead to what happened tonight?” Rafael leaned back and crossed his arms.

“Because she’s still an addict, Barba!” Sonny tried not to yell, but didn’t understand why Rafael was still so flippant about you.

“Just because she got her life together-- I got her life together, doesn’t mean that she just got ‘better’. She’s on a daily see-saw of sobriety. I do weekly ‘drop ins’ just to check on her. It’s gotten a lot better as time goes on, and the less and less I worry about her, but--” He took a breath and looked at the floor.

“....Deep down she’s still that little girl with all of her walls and her distrust. She doesn’t have friends, I really don’t think she’s ever had a stable ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend,’ I mean she-- she doesn’t, talk to people,” He paused before looking up and into Rafael’s eyes.

“...Which is why it has been yankin' my chain tryin’ to figure out just why in God’s name she was so-- open, to you,” He finally admitted. “She’s never been that close to anybody else but me, not in her entire life,”

“Wait,” Rafael put a finger up. “So...you haven’t actually been jealous of Y/N this whole time, you’ve been jealous of me?” He half laughed.

“I mean, it’s a little of both,” He shrugged with a small smile, able to joke about his feelings now. “But I meant what I said when I first got here, I know the main thing that Y/N needs in her life right now is stability. And you-- you are not stable, in the least,”

“Oh I’m the unstable one?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Relationship wise, yeah,” Sonny pointed out.

“....Fair point,” Rafael nodded as he finished off his scotch. He knew the longest relationship he had ever had was with the cute barista he saw every morning who knew how to make his coffee just right. And that relationship only took him five minutes a day to maintain.

“So…” Sonny knocked Rafael from his thoughts.

“So...what?” Rafael quirked an eyebrow.

“So, I think that--” Sonny took a deep breath, knowing you might hate him for this. But it was for the best, and it needed to be said.

“I think that if you care anything about her, or me for that matter, that you let me take her home, and forget about this whole weekend,”

“....I mean…” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to let you go. Well, he didn't want to let go of the girl he had met at Forlini's. The girl who made him laugh, who he could be his true self around, the girl he might---

“Look the bottom line here Barba is that Y/N is-- a lot of work. I should know, I’ve been taking care of her for 19 years. But I don’t mind it, because I love her more than anything else in this world. Well, her and the rest of my family. But still-- I love her,” Sonny now stood up.

“And I get that you like her, but she--- she has gotten way too serious about you way too fast, and way too hard. And this?” He gestured around the room, referring to the whole night. “This ain’t even the tip of the iceberg with her, if she’s really fallen off the wagon,”

“...God dammit,” Rafael stood up and began to pace in his living room. He thought about every single second he had spent with you since he met you; you had never seemed so...broken, as Sonny was describing you.

“What I’m saying is, unless you’re ready to-- ‘deal’ with her, and everything that comes with that, please for the love of God, just walk away now,” Sonny pleaded.

“Because she won’t listen to me if I tell her to stay away from you. And if things get too ‘real’ for you, you’re just gonna freak out or-- or get bored, and throw her away. Her self worth will drop to shit. And if that happens, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get her back from that,”

“I would never just throw her away, Carisi,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“You can’t say that, Barba,” Sonny debated.

“And why the hell not?” Rafael narrowed his eyes.

“Because you’ve never NOT just ‘thrown away’ someone,” He chuckled. “That front door might as well be a garbage chute,”

“You son of a--” Rafael started to yell at him but Sonny cut him off.

“Tell me I’m wrong, Barba. Look me in the eyes and tell me I have no idea what I’m talking about, and I’ll leave here and let you deal with her the way you want to,” Sonny looked at him pensively. Rafael looked at him for several seconds, then softened his glare into a sad concession.

“....Take her,” He muttered softly while looking at the ground.

“Thank you,” Sonny mumbled softly as he turned to go retrieve your passed out self from the bedroom. However, he was instead met with the most unsettling sight:

You were standing in the doorway of the room, glaring at the two of them.

“...H-Hey, Sunshine--” Sonny tried to appease you with an awkward smile.

“Don’t,” You growled, stomping into the living room and began packing your bag.

“Y/N, what are you--” Rafael went to put a hand on your bag but you snatched it away before you shot fire out of your eyes into his gaze.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I misunderstand what you just said?” You barked at him with tears in your eyes. “Because I’m pretty damn sure I heard ‘take her’. You know like I’m some sort of defective Amazon package,”

“That’s not what I meant---” He softly spoke, the guilt of his words being heard by you was quickly eating him alive.

“No I know what you meant, Rafael,” You zipped your duffel shut angrily.

“I heard the whole god damn spiel. Which, by the way, thank you so much for detailing my entire little sob story, cousin,” You glared at Sonny as you started walking towards the front door, shoulder checking him.

“But neither of you have to worry about anything anymore, okay? You’re released from your ‘duties’. This trainwreck is leaving the station, so you can relax,” You looked at the both of them with pain in your eyes, tears cracking your words.

“Sunshine--” Sonny started after you.

“DON’T,” You glared at him while putting a finger up. “Don’t ever call me that again,”

“At least let me drive you home--”

“No,” You shook your head. “And you know what, cuz? I didn’t realize I was such a financial burden, so you know what? Cut me off. Because I’d rather be homeless again than take any more money from you,”

“What did I do?!” Sonny was now angry. “All I did was come over and try to protect you, that’s it!”

“I don’t need your protection!” You screamed. “This whole time...this whole time, I thought you were proud of me. That you trusted me,”

“I do trust you--”

“You don’t!” You stomped your foot while tears streamed down your face. “Y-You think that if . one single thing like a boy not liking me is gonna set me off, like I’m some kind of bomb you’ve kept from detonating for years. My life is not your responsibility anymore, Sonny! I don’t think it ever was!”

“Well who’s else was it gonna be?!”

“NOBODY’S!!!!” You finally dropped your duffel bag and kicked the wall, leaning your head against it. You were strangely quiet for a long pause before you spoke again in an eerily calm voice.

“...Do you know why my mother “dropped me off’ with your mother?”

“Because she couldn’t take care of you--”

“No I heard what you said,” You sniffled with a sad smile. “Because she didn’t want to,”

“Sunshine--”

“But leaving me with your mother, was her plan b,” You cut him off, still looking at the floor.

“What do you mean?” Sonny asked cautiously while looking at Rafael who had a terrified look in his eyes.

“She didn’t want to ‘burden’ her sister with me, but she had to when I wouldn’t die,”

“...W-What?” Rafael almost choked on the words in disbelief.

“She tried to smother me with a pillow, but I wouldn’t die. I kept screaming and crying, and I guess it touched her strand of humanity, so she stopped,” You rolled your eyes with the same sad smile.

That memory was forever imprinted in your brain. The terror of being woken up in blackness, unable to breathe. The smell of the cigarette smoke covered pillow being shoved into your throat and nostrils. Your mother crying and telling you it would be over soon, just to let go. And finally her sad, pathetic whimpers and sobs when she finally lifted the pillow from you, disappointed in herself that she couldn’t do one good thing in her life. That now she was going to have to pass you, her problem, onto her sister.

“Y/N, baby girl--” Sonny stepped towards you again.

“I wasn’t supposed to be raised by anybody, Sonny. I’m not even supposed to be alive!” You stomped your foot again while tears continued to flow.

“That’s not true!” He ran over and grabbed you in a hug. “You are not a burden,”

“Really?” You laughed sarcastically into his shoulder as you pushed him away from the hug. “You just said your mom didn’t even want to deal with me. Nobody did,”

“I did!” He argued. “I do,”

“Yeah well, maybe I’m my mother’s daughter. I don’t wanna be your burden,” You picked up the duffel and opened the door.

“Okay well you have no choice in that so you’re gonna have to let that go,” Sonny grabbed your hand before you could walk away.

“Fine,” You finally conceded with a blank expression.

“Guess I’ll just have to let a lot of things go, won’t I?” Your voice cracked as you looked at Rafael one more time with the saddest eyes.

He stared back at you with a stone cold face. He wanted so badly just to go and hold you in his arms, telling you how you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you, and that you deserved everything good and all the love in the world. But Sonny’s pleas were still in his head.

He didn’t know if he wanted the responsibility of your entire self worth and happiness, let alone your sobriety on his shoulders. He didn’t even like to get close to clients with that many issues, the pressure was too much. So instead he just stood there, trying not to show how much this was killing him, sending you away like this.

“Come on Sunshine, just-- let’s go, okay?” Sonny pleaded with you softly, pulling at your hand. You didn’t answer, you just nodded and started walking down the hallway towards the elevator, leaving Sonny at the door.

“...Thank you, Barba,” He mumbled softly, nodding at Rafael. Rafael barely nodded back before Sonny closed the door.

As soon as it was closed, Rafael dropped on his knees and began to cry. He didn’t know why exactly, was he crying because he felt horrible for all the shit you had gone through? Was he angry at himself for not being able to get over his own bullshit to actually open up and care about someone for more than a week? Was he really that big of a hypocrite, showing empathy to clients all the time but shutting out the one person he felt he might-- he couldn’t even think it. He wouldn’t let himself think it. He just composed himself and poured another scotch while turning on the TV, trying to forget what just happened.

His NETFLIX menu popped up; it asked him if he wanted to continue watching Bojack Horseman. He closed his eyes and muttered obscenities in spanish while memories of the night before flooded his brain, making him cry angry tears once more. He finally decided just to go to bed, maybe his brain would release him from torture if he could turn it off.

He wasn’t sure he could ever turn it off now.

[actordougjones]

Helen Chavez 1959 ~ 2020

Sitting in silent conflict today, some numbness, many tears, grief, and the happiest memories that make my heart smile. To lose a close friend (whom I referred to as my big sister for the last 16 years) to complications from covid-19 and other health issues, is a blow I could not be prepared for. Yet to sit with my memories of her is a relished joy.

Many knew her as “Hellmistress” on the Sony Pictures Hellboy message boards in 2003. As I was an occasional visitor in those boards while filming Hellboy, I took special note of the witty, gentle, sarcastic, encouraging posts from this woman I found myself wanting to know more of.

She made her way into those message boards by way of her love for Ron Perlman, as she also was a contributing writer for a site called ThePerlmanPages dot com. But once in there, and once we got to interacting, Helen and I both found kindred spirits in each other, about the same age, about the same irreverent sense of humor.

She jokingly described herself as “windswept and interesting.” When we finally met in person the first time around the premiere events Guillermo del Toro had arranged for these fans of Hellboy in April 2004, I found this description of her to be true.  All I had to hear was that Helen had sold a cow to finance her flight from Scotland, and I knew I was right about this one!  Yes, she and her husband Mark raised cattle on their rural farm outside Aberdeenshire, Scotland.  But she was also a highly knowledgeable archivist at the local museum there.  With a thirst for learning, and a lover of history, artifacts, classic film, TV, music, literature, science fiction, and all things geekery, she did indeed earn her “windswept and interesting” title.

(Our first in-person meeting after “Hellebration” 2004 with Sony Pictures Hellboy message board regulars, Left to Right: Maurice Mpayamaguru, Dougie, Pat Paone, Helen Chavez - who was so excited to be having a burger with American ketchup!)

She flew away the next day in 2004, but that would not be the last of this Helen. Upon returning home to Scotland, her friend and ThePerlmanPages creator Pat Paone (who had also been on this trip) said something to Helen that lingered in the air... “After this entire ‘Hellebration’ weekend in Los Angeles, do you realize you haven’t stopped talking about Doug Jones?” which struck Helen odd since she was a devout Perlman fan who was gushing about someone other than Ron after a weekend to celebrate a movie in which Ron held the title character.

That’s when I received an email from Helen proposing an official website she wanted to create for me. So was born TheDougJonesExperience dot com, a site that was lovingly poured over and updated by Helen as her pet project that she never let me pay a dime for, no matter how I tried, from 2004 to 2014, when her own life required her to take pause. That pause from the site included finishing up her Masters Degree, still working full time at the museum, still tending the cattle, and now caregiving to her husband’s failing health ... followed by her own health issues.

She was ever the stoic type, though, who never ever, EVER wanted to be a burden on me, so I would rarely hear of her trials in life unless I told her, “I’m not hanging up until you start talking.”  She would always brush off her own issues and turn things back around to doting on me like the protective big sister she loved being.  She also took in Mrs. Laurie as her little sister with great pride.

To sum up the amount of life shared with this incredible woman would take volumes.  Volumes that could be tied together with one thread.... “cheerleader.” She championed me personally and professionally with the kind of care and tireless energy that gave my own mother and Mrs. Laurie a run for their money!

Her cheerleading came in the form of not only that exhaustive website with endless fan correspondence as she wrote with a voice that was uncannily like my own, then later helping administrate “The Tank” forum on DelToroFilms dot com where “FanSapiens” would gather to chat about little ol’ me, but also trips to see me when I was in the United Kingdom for a fan convention in Birmingham, or a make-up trade show in London.  She also ingratiated herself to Guillermo del Toro and was invited to visit our Hellboy II: The Golden Army filming set in Budapest with her old friend Pat Paone, spending a large part of that visit with me through my whole day, from make-up, to the Troll Market set, to lunchtime, to afternoon naps in my trailer for all of us, to touring the city on a rare day off. 

(During Hellboy 2 set visit 2007 at Budapest, Hungary’s “Hero Square” pictured Left to Right: Pat Paone, Dougie, Helen Chavez)

And I could never tally up the countless hours of phone chats, messenger chats, book-length emails, where she was often celebrating successes with me, calming my nerves when I had failed, giving me some well-needed big sisterly advice on life, or playfully nagging me to sleep and eat more.  Boy, was she ever stern about those last two.  If I even hinted that I had been pushing myself too hard, not sleeping enough, not eating right, she would give me “the look.”  You don’t want “the look.”   It was that raised eyebrows, all-knowing eyes searing into me kind of look, with a probing stare over the top of her glasses into my soul kind of look. You could hide nothing from her when she gave “the look.”

I adored hearing all her tales from her museum, getting history lessons all the while about who used what in what century in what country for what purpose, everything from farm tools to ancient toilet paper.  To keep me in her loop, one year for Christmas she sent me some ancient Roman coins, after I had mentioned how I love looking at coins, waving it off with, “those things are so easy to come by.” Her gifts were always accompanied by authentic Scottish shortbread cookies.  But my favorite story of hers was the mummy head she had no better place for, so he lived under her desk ... for years.  And of course, she named him “Marlon.”

I’ve always been a hugger, but Helen is the one who taught me about “Bosies.” The difference being that a Bosie is a huggle that doesn’t need to end anytime soon, where you envelop the other person in a cradle that makes them feel safe.  She was masterful at those Bosies.

I could tell Helen stories for hours, as could so many of you puppies whose lives she touched with her listening skills, mentorship, and her tireless encouragement to keep all of us creatives reaching for our dreams.

(Pictued at “Hellebration” 2008 with “FanSapiens” Left to Right: Tim Rosenberger, Katie McGregor, Helen Chavez, Stephanie Metz, Dougie, Kate Daley, Seth Lombardi)

(Pictured at Hellboy 2 premiere after party 2008 with DelToroFilms regulars; Top row: Paul Kindschi, Gary Deocampo, Maurice Mpayamaguru. Bottom row: Helen Chavez, Dougie)

But I’ll leave you with one last story.  It was 2008, and we flew Helen out to Los Angeles (I didn’t want her to sell another cow) to join all the festivities for the premiere week of Hellboy II: The Golden Army, and to see the finished product of the film set she visited with me the year before. Everything from having a salon day with Mrs. Laurie to get all done up for the red carpet premiere, and the next day she was sporting a fancy fish-print top to dutifully lead Team Blue (those beloved FanSapiens) at the Del Toro sponsored “Hellebration” party and screening night. Another experience I wanted to give her that week was her first press junket, so Mrs. Laurie gladly went to her own job that day, and Helen went with me down to the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills, where many film press junkets take place on a floor full of press suites. These are high energy days, as one after another, TV, radio, print, and dot com journalists interview us back to back all day. Helen watched from behind the monitors with Publicist John, and every time I glanced over, she was just beaming as she gave me a thumbs-up. At the end of this marathon day, we were heading home in the back of the studio-hired limo, and my eyes were getting droopy in the dark.  Helen glanced over the top of her glasses with “the look” and said with all the doting mother, favorite auntie, protective big sister she had in her, “Awe, little brother mine, come here.” I leaned my head onto her shoulder, while she pet my hair and told me how overjoyed she was with this phase of my life, and how watching me handle all the press that day made her “buttons burst with pride,” a phrase she used many a time. She always knew how to bring such peace, such calm, such encouragement, such a safe harbor.  The next thing I knew the car stopped in front of the house, and I awoke with her still holding my weary head.

Oh how I wish for one more limo ride.  One more chance to soak in her uplifting words, so I might know how to handle whatever comes next.

She went by many names -- Hellmistress, Webmaster Helen, or her preferred “Webmistress” Helen, Auntie Helen, Mentor Helen, Therapist Helen, Dear Friend Helen, Big Sister Helen, but there was only one Helen in this wacky world. She leaves a void that no one else can fill. It’s painful how much I miss her already.

I pray the angels gave her a thrilling ride to her rightful place in Heaven.  I can almost feel her gaze again right now, as she sits at the edge of a crescent moon, tilts her gaze down over the top of her glasses and gives me “the look”.....

Alright, Big Sis, I’ll eat something and get to sleep now. 

[theunvanquishedzims]

Where is my fic of Steve Rogers, Matt Murdoch, and Kurt Wagner bonding over being bi Catholic superhero drama queens. Where do they talk about their personal struggles with sexuality and faith growing up in the 1940s, a Catholic orphanage, and a German circus run by witches. (Were they witches? I remember magic and a giant demon lady and it turned out to be his adopted mother and sister, who he was also dating because they weren’t THAT kind of brother and sister.)

I want Steve to run into Matt shortly after being defrosted, maybe at the gym Matt boxes at. Boxing was a national pastime and now it’s fallen by the wayside in favor of more glamorous fighting styles. It’s nice to just get in a ring and punch someone, and they’re surprisingly compatible fighters, both slightly too fast and hitting too hard, coming out the other side grinning bloody teeth at each other. Matt smoothly lying (telling the truth) about his blindness forcing him to focus on his opponent until he can almost predict their movements. Steve fumbling with the cover story SHIELD gave him about being a soldier recently returned from war, being slightly too honest about feeling out of touch and like he wouldn’t fit in normal life with everything he’s seen and done in the war.

I want Matt to show up at SHIELD next Sunday morning to pick Steve up for church completely unasked, Steve fumbling into the nicest clothes he owns that isn’t a dress uniform, Matt loaning him a tie and whisking him across the city to Hell’s Kitchen. Matt whispering cues through the service, remembering John Mulaney at the last minute and hissing the correct words so Steve doesn’t say AND ALSO WITH YOU. Pointing out the priest he confesses to that can handle the mention of beating up bad guys without running screaming. Going out to lunch and discussing how Matt’s church is different from Steve’s old one, going back to Foggy’s to watch that John Mulaney show because he’s the only one they know with a tv, Foggy groaning over there being TWO of them.

Months or years later, running into Kurt at the Tower because Tony’s the one who developed the image inducer technology. Steve’s heightened vision being able to pick out the micro nuances where the hologram doesn’t quite keep up, most people would be able to shrug it off with a vague sense of unease, but they stand out to him like glowing red flags. Matt just feeling the buzzing and prickle of electricity all over his--skin? Fur? This man is very hairy and also has a tail. Why is no one saying anything about the tail. Steve almost citizen/Avenger-arrests him but Tony comes to vouch for him and they have their little Mutants Among Us revelation in the private upper floors. Steve apologizes very sincerely and they chat about Germany and circuses, another nearly-bygone relic that Steve misses. Matt is feeling left out, but jumps in when Kurt mentions being Catholic.

After that they’ve got weekly mass and lunches, and hey friendship is weird but wonderful. They give each other fashion tips! Kurt is European and flamboyant, Steve is solidly insisting that the only improvement on slacks and a button-up is a leather jacket, and Matt is literally blind. They get by. Matt introduces them to his tailor, after some private talks Kurt brings all his pants in and gets proper tail holes incorporated. Steve gets sticker shock every time he goes to a department store, but being able to buy at thrift stores and get them fitted is much more in line with his upbringing. Matt’s wardrobe gets some splashes of color that Kurt meticulously coordinates and bans him from freestyling with.

Weirdly enough it takes a really long time for the superhero thing to come up. Like a reeeeaaaaaally long time. Like shading into identity porn amounts of time. Not on purpose. Steve Rogers is a popular name in the US and doubly so in military families, nobody connects Steve the Army vet with Captain America unless they’re majorly into WWII military history, and the kind of guy who’s majorly into WWII military history is the kind of guy Steve tends to avoid outside of bar fights and university lectures. Everyone thinks the new Captain America guy is an Army recruitment stunt anyway.

Matt is blind, has had several high-profile cases against mob families, and lives in a dangerous part of town, nobody is surprised when he shows up places looking a little roughed up and growling about the darkness in mankind’s souls. Concerned, yes, ready to take on the mob, yes, surprised, no. He likes punching things though, so they leave it when he says he’s got it handled. A lot of debate stems from Matt’s growling, they all have strong opinions about morality and crime and institutional oppression. They have varying degrees of optimism/pessimism about God’s judgement and forgiveness, and wildly different ideas about the criminal justice system. (Again: 1940s soldier, US lawyer, and minority immigrant whose typical response to legal authorities is: *smashes a 40 on the ground* SCATTER!)

Tony introduced Kurt and told them he was engineering him the image inducer, but neglected to mention that it was part of his deal with the X-Men to field test his tech*. Nobody knows what he does for a living. Performer? Translator? Model? Escort? He knows a lot of rich people, like the Starks and Worthingtons and Frosts. He travels pretty frequently and brings them back souvenirs. Foggy is just happy that there is someone cheerful and level-headed in Matt and Steve’s Fight Club of a friendship, until Kurt backflips into the boxing ring with a fencing sword and shouts HAVE AT THEE, and oh no there’s THREE of them now.

(Tony is one of the silent investors in the X-Men. It started as just donating an old mansion the Stark family had to house at-risk “genetic minority” youth, then he wanted to help with the renovations to make it suitable for young mutants to practice controlling their powers, and then everyone got a little carried away and suddenly there were some extra basement floors. A few super computers. Something called a Danger Room, which is a misnomer because it’s totally safe, Tony promises. Possibly a donated jet or two, though they shot down his idea of painting it school bus yellow and claiming it as a school fleet vehicle on their taxes. He thinks the whole “X-MEN” thing the media came up with is hilarious, they’re just a bunch of persecuted minorities trying to rescue and educate kids, occasionally scuffling with another group doing the same thing on the other side of the moral line. He stays in his lane and looks forward to their tech challenges as a fun side project. “Full-body hologram” was a winner, even if it took a few tries to get the tail right.)

Just. More interaction between people who can conceivably interact on the regular, not just meet once in a big showdown based on mistaken identity, realizing We’re All Good Guys Here, shaking hands and then never seeing each other until the big world-ending team-up episode. Give me that sweet sweet bonding. We’re fanficcers, we don’t have to worry about coordinating between movies and shows and who’s going to space in their comic this week. We can just say “hey these guys have a lot in common, how about they get lunch sometime.”

[mydisasteracademia]

SFW Alphabet: Izuku Midoriya

Aaaaand here’s everyone’s favorite green bean! Look at my baby, all grown up and ready to destroy people. (wipes away tear)

(Both of y’all are around 16 here. Don’t worry, nothing horrible here! Just two dorks in love.)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He’s incredibly affectionate to you. He’s definitely more of a verbal affirmation kind of guy (and if you identify as female he’s gonna be horribly flustered if you try to hug him). He always talks to you and encourages you, and his smile is just adorable.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Your friendship likely started when he was on a trip into town and he noticed you needed some help carrying a couple of boxes. The two of you hit it off right away (especially due to the fact that you were wearing an All Might shirt). As your best friend, he’s incredibly chatty and smiley. He loves hanging out with you and just talking about things. When you first showed him your Quirk, he was so starstruck that you both spent an entire lunch just talking about it. He’s so sweet it’s hard not to get along with him.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’s so shy with physical affection it’s hard to cuddle with him without him fainting. Usually he only cuddles with you when he’s half-asleep and unaware of what he’s doing, and only then he pulls you to his side and all but curls himself around you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He can cook a little bit, and he can clean fairly well. At the moment, he doesn’t want to settle down. He wants to become a pro hero first. Judging by his commitment to the grind, the day he gets married and has a family may never come.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It would kill him, but he’d set you down and gently explain why you can’t be together anymore. He would keep any and all tears at bay until he’s alone, and then he spends a night training and crying, trying to get your hurt expression out of his mind.

F = Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He’s very reluctant to commit. He’s still just a teenager, after all, and he’s got a whole career as a hero ahead of him. He doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t want his loved ones in danger; he already keeps his mom fairly out of the loop just because he doesn’t want Shigaraki going after her.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s definitely a little more gentle with you in both ways. He really cares for you and doesn’t want to hurt you, especially while you’re a civilian. This can be a bit of a double-edged sword at times, but he more than makes up for it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Having grown up with a really affectionate mom, Izuku likes hugs. He can’t help but get horribly flustered every time you hug him, but he does love them. He’s not going to initiate it, but he hugs back tight enough so that you can’t be separated. Sometimes when he’s sleepy he’ll wander around and hug you, hiding his face in your neck as he mumbles something about his mother. It’s really cute.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It would take a lot for him to realize he caught feelings for you. Like, a lot. This boy is so oblivious it’s likely he’d never actually say it. It would take you telling him for him to start thinking about it, and even then it would be a while before he admits it back.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He can get fairly jealous, but depending on who it is he’s not going to act on it. Usually it comes about that he gets insecure about your relationship and is worried that you’ll find someone better than him. If he gets a seriously bad vibe about the person you’re with, he'll go up to you and try to walk you away.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

If you kiss him right on the mouth, he’s going to pass out. If you kiss him on the cheek, he gets red as a tomato and starts stuttering. It can be irritating sometimes. He does like it, though; he’s just so shy he doesn’t initiate. Sometimes he’ll kiss your forehead absentmindedly.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He’s pretty good around little kids. He’s got a way about him that gets their attention. It’s so adorable seeing him interact with kids like Kota and Eri due to how obviously starstruck they are.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Whoa now, both of you are still first-years. I don’t imagine ever sleeping at the same place (unless he needs a place to crash at in the future). Going ahead a few years, when he’s already a pro, it’s likely he’d get up way before you, cook breakfast for you, eat, and leave -- leaving a note saying that he thanks you for your hospitality and he’s sorry to impose. What a gentleman.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Again, going into the future when he’s a pro, the only way he’s staying the night at your place is if something happens and he needs to stay. He’s incredibly apologetic as he thanks you for letting him stay. He retires to the guest bed when you retire to your room, and he’s out like a light.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He doesn’t reveal anything about OFA, of course, but sometimes he’ll give you tidbits about his life. He tends to be a bit more hesitant about his past, but he has lots of stories about the present that he likes to share.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He can be very patient, especially when it comes to his friends. It takes a fair bit to set him off. Usually it’s when he sees an injustice that his friendly smile drops and he gets serious. Or when Bakugo is being horribly rude again, though that’s more of a rarity these days.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He documents everything he can about you. Sometimes this accidentally creeps into stalking territory, but he’s usually good about realizing that and backing off. He tries to remember everything you tell him about yourself because of how close you are.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite moment? He has a lot that he considers his ‘favorites’. Picking just one, though, he fondly remembers the first time you told him you loved him -- he was in the hospital after a bad run-in with a villain, and you visited him with flowers and tears, demanding that he not be so reckless because you loved him. It really got him thinking about your relationship and kicked off his realization that he loved you back.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s incredibly protective of those he cares about, and you are definitely not an exception. He’s so protective he would rather pull a Nana Shimura than let you get hurt because of him, so you’ll have to do a lot of scolding to get him to stay put.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He puts his all into stuff between you two. Gifts for every date, he remembers every anniversary (and gives you presents for that too), occasionally brings you your favorite snack whenever he sees you -- there’s a reason he jotted down everything he knows about you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Like I said before, he’s so self-sacrificing that he would pull a Nana before ever letting you get targeted. It can be infuriating when he avoids you for a while due to this, and while he is incredibly apologetic it’s the first thing his mind goes to. His mumbling can be a bit irritating if you don’t have the patience for it. He can be a bit of a stalker towards certain people until they realize and tell him to quit. He’s so dedicated to being a hero that it’s often all he thinks about.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He can be concerned, but only when he looks at his scars. Sometimes he can be fairly self-conscious about how scarred his body is, especially when he gets depressed and anxious.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Honestly? At first, but he would push it down in time. He loves you so much that he would rather you not have to associate with him if it meant you were safe, and no matter how much that hurts, he would do it. It doesn’t mean he wouldn’t keep an eye on you from afar, but eventually he would be able to push the pain down and go about his duties.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Gets incredibly clingy when he’s half-awake. So much so that Bakugo is the only one who’s used to it the first time it happens in the dorms (and surprisingly doesn’t make a fuss). Whenever there’s a major exam, there’s at least one night where Izuku passes out on someone and will not stop clinging to them. Usually it’s Uraraka or Iida, much to the former’s excitement/embarrassment.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Nothing villainous. Nobody rude, or abusive, or manipulative. He’s had enough abuse from his peers, and now that he’s got a healthy friend group, he’s not going to tolerate that from even a s/o. Especially not anyone who’s against the hero world. As much as he has his doubts, he’s not going to go out with a villain.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Fairly regular sleeping pattern, given that he’s only a student. He goes to bed kinda late, but wakes up early to work out.

[i-am-gusu]

I have read Wei Ying’s post. From before. At last. I feel… conflicted about them.

I know that everything went badly because I read Wei Ying’s blog posts. But, after I was done reading them… I regret not listening to Huaisang and reading when he told me to.

There is definitely some of that that still hurts. “Tender spots to work on,” the therapist said. It’s exactly what she wanted us to find with me reading these. But… Now that I am done reading the posts, I see it. How much Wei Ying loves me. How deeply. Even during the worst of everything… He still loved me. Even as I didn’t deserve any forgiveness nor compassion… He was still hoping for us to meet again. 

The first days, when he was still under the RE… Those were hard to read. But… I am still… Deeply touched and awed that Wei Ying… That you…

Wei Ying. I never stopped loving you, not even once, not even during that whole week. I want you to know that. I want you to know that there is nothing you can ever say or do that will ever stop me from loving you. Even if you wish to leave, to go away, I will still love you. There has only ever been you. There will only ever be you. 

As… ironic as it sounds now, I wish I had read these posts. I would have found hope in them. But… I also know that, realistically, it might have broken something else. 

I am glad to have discovered them now. I am glad that you still loved me. I am glad you came back. Glad and grateful. So grateful. 

Wei Ying. I love you. I like you, too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me again?

…

I am aware that the whole exercise was not for the purpose of loving you more. I will not, however, reject this unexpected side-effect. 

I have much to talk about with my therapist next Wednesday. We’ve been talking a lot about my relationship with my family lately. There is… a lot to unpack there. I am aware this is a euphemism. We talked about Uncle’s visits to the café. He still comes. Every Thursdays, he shows up at the same hour, sits at the same place. Wei Ying has noticed him too, although I can see he keeps his distance with him when he comes downstairs to eat something (he has Thursdays off). A-Yuan doesn’t seem to have the same hesitations, however. Last week, he was there when Uncle was sitting at his table. And A-Yuan… He’s very curious and sociable. He has befriended every customer that happens to be in the café at the same time he is, and sometimes, when someone is particularly inclined to talk with him, he sits with them. We all keep an eye on him, just in case, but he tends to stay with the regulars most of the time, and I can see that they adore him as much as we do. 

He went to Uncle that day. I think A-Yuan might have been put at ease already because Banana was sitting next to Uncle, and the bunnies are only allowed with the most regular of our customers. A-Yuan just sat at his table with his colouring books and some crayons and started talking with Uncle, telling him about his day. 

I am… I thought Uncle would push him away. Tell him to keep quiet. I was ready to tell Uncle to leave if he did. I remember feeling so tense, watching, waiting. Wei Ying was not downstairs yet when it happened. But then, Uncle just… listened to him. Nodded when appropriate. I even saw a hint of a smile at one point and… 

…

I felt jealous… It’s stupid. It’s shameful… Even though my therapist said it’s not, I know it is… I felt jealous because A-Yuan was receiving more consideration from my Uncle than I did at his age… My therapist suggested that perhaps I did receive that kind of attention but forgot about it later on when things changed. “Or perhaps, he is trying to make amends and showing you how it could be from now on,” she added. She knows he has been coming to the café more often. She knows about the last time we fought, after learning more about Mom. I’m just… not so sure about what he truly wants. Or, rather, I’m not so sure I want to let him do what he wants.

Xichen talks with him more often than I do, that I know. But he still allows me to take my time. I think he’s happy that I haven’t kicked Uncle out of the café yet. Sometimes, he comes at the same time as Uncle and sits with him. They haven’t asked me to sit with them yet when they are there. I don’t know if I would want to if they did. 

There are… many memories I thought I had forgotten that has been coming back with therapy. I have been surprised by some more with Mom. One with Dad. I… I forgot his face. I remember Mom’s clearly. But I forgot what Dad looked like. He’s still on the pictures in Uncle’s house, I remember what he looks like on these. But I don’t remember what he looked like as a father. The memory of him is… short. A faceless kiss goodnight… It makes me angry. 

… Maybe my main problem with my family is the same with everything else. Too rigid. Too stubborn… Cannot let go… 

… I will talk about that on my appointment next Wednesday. That and that list of emotions I compiled after reading Wei Ying’s posts. It is… surprisingly short. At least compared to what I thought it would be, when I didn’t know what would wait for me in Wei Ying’s posts. Wei Ying’s love derailed all the thoughts of self-doubt and fear I had about him, about us, when I first started reading them. 

I also felt this immense gratitude towards Wei Ying’s brother, for keeping him safe, for taking care of him. When I saw him for the first time after our wedding, I told him he could punch me in the face. I was ready for it. I deserved it after all. Wei Ying didn’t want him to. Jiang Cheng knows that the offer is still on the table, should he ever wish to fulfill his wish. He is a good brother in law. A great brother to Wei Ying. I truly appreciate his presence in our lives, even if I often do not understand his interactions with Wei Ying all the time.

There is still something that I know I will have to talk about. I don’t know if I want to. I know I don’t want to. 

It’s this… the memories of past bullying. I read those posts before, the ones that made me feel like I was back in school, in places where I was left aside, alone. The ones that felt more mocking in tone. They made me feel the same way again. 

I know it has nothing to do with Wei Ying. This is not his doing. But… My therapist said that more than 20 years of living with the rigidity of my Uncle’s rules left deep marks that I am here to heal. Perhaps… Perhaps almost 20 years of mistreatment outside of the house left these too. 

I don’t want to call it that. Mistreatment. I know it was bullying. But I don’t want to call it that. I don’t want to… I just keep hearing Uncle tell me to ignore them. Ignore them. Ignore them. And… I want to keep doing that. Even though I know it hurt me. Even though I know it hurts me still, in these smaller ways. I know it does, because Wei Ying’s posts wouldn’t have hurt like that if it wasn’t. 

It is on the list. 

The other thing on the list is… Still that fear that I carry. The fear that I’ll be just like my father. I know it’s still there in so many different ways. I hate him so much… It’s the only thing that Wei Ying’s love couldn’t reassure as I kept reading. Manipulation, mostly. 

… I never wrote about these things I learnt about my parents… I remember not wanting to confess to Wei Ying yet because of them. I remember wanting to push the moment further away, because I was scared. So scared… I don’t think I want to write about this yet. I want to write about it, write about my parent’s whole relationship, if only to have a clearer picture of them. If only to remember more of my mother, something I was never truly allowed to do. 

I will write about that, but not now. I did my homework, at last. I will see where it leads, next Wednesday…

Wei Ying. I love you. And I am so, so happy that we get to have something that is genuine and mutual together. Desired by the both of us. I love you so much. 

Hold me close tonight?

[xsugarysweetsx]

REQUESTS ARE OPEN YAY! You lovely being you❤❤❤ I know it wasn't on the prompt list but.. could I request Bakugou and his crush going rollerskating/blading for a first date? Anyways have a wonderful day🥰

Don’t worry prompt lists are just in case you’d like it from there. I take regular too! Please enjoy! And NO UR THE LOVELY BEING!❤️😤

*Ding dong*

Bakugou rang the doorbell to your home waiting for the door to open. When opened he was greeted with your younger sister. She said nothing but stare at the blonde

“Uuh, your sister home?“ he asked not knowing what to say

“Y/N! Your boyfriend is here!“ she called out as she walked away from the door. A blush creeping up his cheeks, then hearing your footsteps come down the hall

“Can you be a little polite once in a while?“ you come to door and put your shoes on. You wore a crop-top, with ripped jeans and sneakers. He was never really a fan of dresses and all that, but you knew how to rock a pair of jeans. Once you turn around he sees you wearing very light natural make up, not that you needed any.

he wore his signature black T-shirt and jeans. He also got a sweater with him just in case we got cooler at night.As simple as his outfit was he really looks good in it. the way his shirt hugs and defined his muscles really did catch the eye.

You smile at him “Ready to go?”

“Y-yeah, let’s go” he stepped aside to allow you to come out. Bakugou didn’t know how to interact with you. He wanted to so badly but he sucked with words, especially nicer ones. You had been his crush since the sports festival. You only won two rounds but your fighting was intense and smart. He thought it was the hottest thing ever.

On top of everything else you were also beautiful, and smart. He never told anyone but you were exactly his type. It took a lot of courage to ask you on a date without cursing. He had made you a bento with a note that said

“Go out with me........please....”

Not only was the attempt cute but his cooking was amazing! By the end of the day when he was about to walk home you walk up to him. You give him a smile and have him back the same note. You walk away and let him open it for himself

“Okay :)”

Walking down the street you weren’t sure how to start the conversation. Instead you asked

“So, what’s the plan?”

“Huh? Oh uh, a new roller rink opened up and I thought it would be fun to go there”

Your eyes widen to what such a fun place come form him. You’d expect something like paintball, or an arcade. Instead you get something pretty wholesome.

You made it to the roller rink after about a ten minute walk. The smell of new shoes and rubber fill the air. The music beating through the air and into your ear. You follow Katsuki inside where he was being tended by the worker. You watched as other people glided across the floor, almsot like magic. They were so graceful almost as if they were flying.

Then it hit you and your smile fell.

You couldn’t skate. You start to panic internally. You had just ruined the date all on your own! He was being so sweet and selfless tonight and you screw it up! Damn it!

A warm sensation pulled you from your thoughts. You look to It’s source in your hand and see his in yours. You eyes shoot up to his

“You okay? You spaced out a little” he asked leading you over to the bench. You sit next to him as he slips on his skates

“W-well um I didn’t want to say anything but I um...can’t skate” you mumble the last part

“What? I didn’t hear the last part”

You sucked up the courage and said “I can’t skate” bluntly looking at him. He had the straightest, monotone face you’d ever seen. He stood up and offered you his hand

“You could have said something sooner but I guess I could teach ya” he said with a blush creeping on to his cheeks. You bite your lip and take his hand, carefully you stand up. You grip on his hand was like a toddler holding his mother while learning to walk.

He takes both hands in his as he skates backwards. Now Bakugou had a serious face but deep down inside he was screaming with joy! He was finally holding the hands of his crush. She was blushing and was looking cuter than ever! He doesn’t even recognize himself, but that’s okay.

“How ya feeling?” He looked up you as other pass you both.

“Um a little shakey” you chuckle. He thought for a moment as he switches to your side. He intertwined his finger with yours and he whispered

“Just hold on” he felt your hand grip his a bit tighter. He smirks to himself feeling as though you wanted him to protect you.

As you glide across the wax floor you made small talk. You spoke about your favorite hobbies, inspirations and hopes. You hadn’t realized that your hand had separated from his.

“Wait really? That’s your fear?” He asked a bit shocked

“Yeah, I know. Usually people see me and think that I’m confident in my studies but truth is that I have a fear of failure. I can’t stand to speak in front of people and have a bad reaction. I get all shaken up and nervous. Ugh such a mess!” You exclaimed, an embarrassing glow in your cheeks appeared. 

You both clicked so well you didn’t want this night to end. After skating for a while you both exit the rink and hand in your skates. There was a photo-booth and you couldn't resist. You pull him inside and sit down, the first two pictures only you smiled which disappointed you a bit.

Once the timer for the last two started he pulled you into his side and gently smirked.That one had to be your favorite. 

The next one came as a surprise. He gazed at you, taking your chin between his thumb and index finger, and kissed you. the kiss lasted even after the flash had gone off. You were dazed from his actions also how gentle he was in the kiss. 

But he pulled away seemed like it was only due to the world. He cooked one side of your face and stroke your cheek bone with his son. He had never seen him this gentle or soft. It was strange and new, but it you liked it. 

He must have noticed your stare he cleared his throat “it’s um..getting late. I should take you home“

“Y-yeah maybe we should“ he takes your hand i his and you make your way back home. It was now sunset, and the sky was a beautiful orange, golden color. The cool breeze ran through your hair and gave you a surreal look.

Bakugou felt his heart pound against his chest, his blood rushing through his ears. Was this the feeling when you’re with someone? He stops for a second to take his sweater off and wrap it around your shoulders

“I saw you shaking before, just keep it” he says bluntly. You feel your chest full with warmth and happiness. Were you finally the person to break through his cold persona? Possibly

You made it to your doorstep where you waited for the door to be answered. You face him and smile up at him

“I had a lot of fun today, thank you” he looked to the side not wanting to blush more than he is already

“Y-yeah, let’s uhm... do this again sometime” he turned to leave but stopped himself and turned.

He pecks your lips and takes his leave. You niggle deeper into his sweater as you head inside. Your heart full and happy

I hope this was okay!❤️

[our-happygirl500-fan]

Okay okay okay okay, I know I’m asking a lot of stuff and probs annoying you. I’m currently reading about the character but what about her and Tim?? Like can I get a run down of everything about them. The good and bad?? Everytime I see things on here it’s either making Tim to be so bad (Anti-Tim ig) or Steph to be so bad and I’m sure they’re both at fault, yea?

No I’m happy to help.

Both Tim and Steph have made mistakes but not in an awful way and more in a ‘these are literal children dealing with serious situations while also trying to be in a relationship with one another’. 

The Steph being bad stuff entirely comes from the fact that she’s a female love interest to a boy who’s one half of a popular mlm ship, she’s made mistakes here and there but they’re human instances where she’s trying to do her best, fandoms often tend to erase or demonise female characters in any any fandom if they are involved in a ship. It’s a sexist habit that comes from reducing a female to only her romantic relationship and ignoring all her other connections and reeks of misogyny. There’s also some slut shaming as Steph was a teen pregnancy & a victim of sexual assault multiple times.

The anti Tim stuff is a bit more complicated, partly it’s a response to sexism where so many fans are sick of the misogyny directed at Steph that they go full throttle the other way or it comes from fans genuinely uncomfortable with Tim’s actions as this is comics and comics are usually written by sexist men which means Tim sometimes takes actions or says something that is not so great.

The important thing to remember about Tim and Steph is that they are each others best friends and they have been through so much together to the point where even if they were not dating they would still be one of the most important relationships the other had.

There is some worry that Tim and Steph feeds into each others complexes 

Tim and Steph both experienced neglect growing up in different ways which makes their attitude to love very different.

Tim's parents were never around most of the time which makes him sort of desperate for love, for validation and most of the time he seems to be of the sort that love is something he can earn if he just does the right thing or achieves the right goal which reflects on how he probably thought if he got good grades or made his parents proud they'd notice him more they'd spend time with him more.

Steph's childhood of neglect I guess you could say came from the sickness of her parents Arthur Brown was abusive to both his wife and daughter and Crystal's drug addiction making her barely able to raise Steph half the time. More often than not it was Steph taking care of the house hold and her mother than any adult looking out for Steph.

With the neglect Steph went through she knew that there was nothing /she/ herself could do to change it, she couldn't magically make her mother quit taking drugs or stop her father from committing crimes by winning an award or behaving well, heck most of her childhood was just trying to keep her and her mum alive so in contrast with Tim who is desperate to receive love Steph is desperate to give love. Because if she's giving love to this person that means they care about her too right? 

This comes across in how easy Steph is willing to poor love into people who are even remotely nice to her like the second Barbara or Bruce stop treating her like shit she's immediately like 'I would die for you'. The second her mother is sober enough to notice her Steph is there being like 'mom I love you I would protect you with my life'. Cass is slightly nice to her? She is now Steph's best friend.

Tim is desperate to receive unconditional affection while Steph is desperate to give unconditional affection which would explain why they are drawn to one another but enough about the meta and onto their actual history.

Steph became a vigilante originally to stop her fathers crimes, the entire point of Spoiler was an abuse victim taking agency back from her abuser and due to Tim being Robin and also investigating the same crimes the two would run into each other multiple times, there was an attraction between the two however neither truly pursued anything due to the fact that Tim was dating another girl and Steph was ‘seeing’ a guy (though the relationship was implied to be unhealthy as he was significantly older, Steph only being around 14 at the time, and showed little in Steph’s actual well being).

However despite the two already being in relationships the two developed keen banter together and quickly began to enjoy the others presence what arguably set then on the path towards a relationship however is when Tim very nearly died and Steph managed to save him at the last second, Tim was so relieved that he kissed Steph sparking a romantic interest from Steph and Tim beginning to realise he had feelings for her.

Steph would then continue fighting crime outside of her fathers crimes as Steph realised that as Spoiler she could help other abuse victims such as herself. Steph’s entire life can be described as falling through the cracks in the system no one caring about the abuse and unsafe situations that she grew up with and Steph’s early journey as Spoiler is her realising that even though no one had cared when she was abused and hurt she could be the person who would care for other people so no one would suffer the way she did. Steph aiming to fight crime meant that she and Tim ran into each other even more working multiple cases together until it eventually culminated into Tim admitting that he had feelings for Steph but due to his loyalty to Batman he could never tell her his secret identity however Steph told him that that was enough for her, the two ended their previous relationships and started dating.

This is actually where a lot of criticism over the relationship is from due to the obvious power imbalance Tim knows every detail of Steph’s life while controlling all information Steph has on him and only lets her interact with Robin. Tim has also been shown to be rather possessive of Steph controlling her interactions with other members of the superhero community and expressing alarm in her spending time with other heroes who are not him.

There is also the fact that for a large part every man Stephanie has ever interacted with have been abusive in some way, her home life was incredibly dangerous due to her mother and fathers friends all being criminals or victims and Steph had to deal with at least two instances of child predators growing up so to many readers it becomes increasingly obvious that Tim might very well be the first man Steph ever interacted with who treated her with human decency and that is why she fell in love with him.

After the relationship started Steph found out that she had become pregnant from her previous relationship and the reader discovers that Steph’s previous boyfriend on top of being awful to her was also using her for sex. Steph tells Tim about the pregnancy fully expecting him to break up with her however Tim states that he is going to be there to support Steph. The two grow even closer as Tim becomes someone for Steph to lean on wearing disguises to take Steph to birthing classes and helps Steph through the process of putting the baby up for adoption. Tim is even there when the child is born.

The incident made Tim and Steph even closer and afterwards the two continue dating and remain close, Steph quickly becomes what could be considered Tim’s safe place as he is able to leave any problems as Tim Drake or Robin away and simply enjoy being with her and during times where Tim is unable to visit Steph he is shown to be tense and disgruntled without the positive emotional outlet however after nearly over a year and a half of dating Steph begins to realise that the dynamic of the relationship is uneven as Tim has complete control and knowledge over her own life while she knows nothing about Tim’s life out of the mask. Steph begins to worry about merely being used and starts openly wishing that Tim would let her be more involved with his life outside of Robin.

Tim meanwhile is beginning his rebellious phase against Batman and Bruce takes actions to try and nip it in the bud as Dick’s rebellious phase ended with Dick leaving Batman for the Titans and Jason’s rebellious phase ended with Jason dead. Bruce attempts to control Tim by using Steph revealing Tim’s secret identity to Tim. After that point Bruce would continually manipulate Steph in a gambit to manipulate Tim and Tim expresses frustration at Bruce using Steph to get to him.

Bruce and Steph’s relationship is incredibly complicated in its own right as Steph has a childhood admiration of Batman as he was the only one who seemed to be able to stop her fathers abuse by putting him in prison. This childhood admiration causes Steph to follow and respect Bruce no matter how many times his actions hurt her. Bruce on the other hand has a lot of issues regarding Steph as Steph reminds him a lot of Jason and Bruce puts a lot of his unresolved issues regarding his dead son on her which as you might assume does not end well for Steph at all.

Outside of Bruce’s meddling however Steph and Tim grow increasingly close no longer having to worry about secret identities the two go on regular dates and are there for each other in every aspect of their lives. However Tim’s father finds out about Robin and forces him to quit and Steph who had been dating Tim ‘batman needs a Robin’ Drake for years was firmly of the belief that ‘Gotham needs a Robin’ at which point Steph herself becomes the fourth Robin though it is heavily implied that once again Bruce is manipulating Steph in order to manipulate Tim into coming back.

Then DC enters its dark ages where they kill off characters left and right and Steph is tortured, raped and killed in a Gotham wide gang war primarily for Bruce angst so that Bruce can go ‘oh god it’s Jason all over again I knew she was girl Jason I knew it’ mean while Tim has what can probably be best described as a mental break down over Steph’s death and the subsequent death of his father and multiple friends. This causes Tim to become cold, cynical and increasingly dark and pessimistic (he has depression).

However Steph comes back to Gotham two years later alive again and it is revealed that Leslie Thompkin’s essentially kidnapped Steph to Africa for two years and faked Steph’s death in order to try and save Steph from being a soldier in Batman’s crusade. Steph was Leslie’s ward for two years but realised that she could literally not stop fighting crime as in Africa Steph literally started dressing up as an African legend and started fighting crime there, eventually convincing Leslie that they needed to go back to Gotham the two returned and Tim was over the moon to see Steph alive kissing her on sight, however Tim realises that he essentially had a break down over Steph death for nothing and expresses resentment over Steph letting him believe that she was dead for two years. Steph who had spent the past to years recovering physically and mentally from the trauma of being tortured for days prior to Leslie faking Steph’s death and Steph essentially not having had a choice in Leslie’s plan to fake her death is just like ‘I don’t know what to tell you buddy’ 

Steph is still Tim’s emotional home, immediately relying on her for emotional support once again and the two are shown to still love each other however the two had changed a great deal over the time they were apart. Steph having had an adult finally care about her well being for the first time in her life grew much more positive into someone who believed in the inherent good in people and in hope while Tim had grown harsh and dark and cynical. The two even joke about how Steph has become an optimist while Tim had become a pessimist. Steph is like a beam of light for Tim who had become increasingly dark and Tim finds himself being both wary of it and drawn to it.

Then Bruce gets back to his old tricks of using Steph to manipulate Tim and gives Steph instructions to challenge Tim in order to improve Tim’s skills as a crime fighter. Steph on Bruce’s orders employs and assassin to fight Tim however the assassin goes to far and Steph is injured trying to protect Tim. Tim realising that Bruce is once again manipulating Steph to get to him as well as having an inherent fear of Steph dying again demands that Steph should not be a vigilante any longer never mind that Steph literally can not stop fighting crime which causes a rift between the two.

The superhero community then believe that Batman is dead and Tim leaves Gotham to prove that Bruce is alive while Tim is gone from Gotham Cass makes Steph the new Batgirl and Steph becomes incredibly close to Barbara and Damian and as Batgirl makes several friends within the masked community no longer having her interactions be controlled by Tim or Bruce. Steph starts coming into her own and building up her self confidence, when Tim returns he is once again upset that Steph is still fighting crime his fear of Steph dying still going strong and acts condescending towards Steph’s attempts to help him however Steph proves herself in sheer level of skill and prowess and Tim accepts her as a vigilante and the new Batgirl accepting that Steph will not die again. Tim then attempts to rekindle their romantic relationship however Steph realises that she had been too dependent on Tim’s love and wishes to improve herself as a person before she even thinks of entering a relationship again. The two remain close friends however Tim expresses attraction towards Steph multiple times (Tim is the horniest little fuck during this time in their lives and Steph is literally out their trying to live her life and better herself as a person and get a university degree it’s hilarious)

If Convergence is to believe the two would always eventually get back together in one way or another the two issues being about their romantic interest in each other and getting back together.

After the reboot happens when they meet again Tim immediately expresses romantic interest in Steph while Steph herself is wary of Tim as in this universe both her mother and her father are criminals who have tried to kill her and Steph has effectively been homeless living in public libraries or where ever she can. It is unknown when but Tim offers Steph a place to live at his apartment and a some point the two eventually enter a romantic relationship.

A lot of fans have criticised this as Steph is entirely financially dependent on Tim for food and shelter and once again Tim holds more power than Steph in the relationship. Also in the rebooted universe Tim is Steph’s only support system as her parents tried to kill her, her father murdered any civilians she was close to in order to hurt her and any connections Steph had before the reboot have had vast amounts of their history erased.

Steph has also been shown to be responsible for a lot of Tim’s mental health as she has to stop him from crossing lines or going off the deep end multiple times it is described as Tim having a tendency of walking a dark path when he is alone. 

Steph and Tim are both presented as each others support systems in current comics and when Tim wanted to leave Gotham in order to research the multiverse Steph went with him as the two rely on each other.

I don’t believe there is a good guy or bad guy in their relationship both Tim and Steph want what’s best for each other but sometimes these views don’t line up which causes conflict but at the end of the day they are two people that care about each other a great deal and whether they are in a relationship or not they will always be one of the most important people in each others lives.

The relationship is criticised by the fandom as fans either fetishise mlm relationships and are angry at Steph ‘getting in the way’ an unfortunate trend in all fandoms and on the other side many are tired of female characters being reduced to their romantic relationships.

TimSteph is a cute ship with a deep connection and a lot of history proving that they care about each other a great deal but sexism and misogyny are things that exist especially in fandom spaces and that creates a nightmare.

[thepilotanon]

a happily married man.

I wanted to expand a little bit more of Flip being married, and how he would behave as a husband around his wife. Since, in this short, Ron would have already known of Flip’s wife, I thought it would be fun for him to try and get some stories (advice, hint-hint) from our favorite Detective and have a trip down memory lane! I also tried to look up and imagine what a high schooler/young adult Flip Zimmerman would be like, looking up 50s/60s fashion and...I went to town. Please let me know if you enjoyed, and thank you for reading!

warning: old school standards, religious discrimination, my choppy-ass attempt to write german.

Flip caught the phone ringing while buttoning his flannel, picking up the line and cradling it between his cheek and shoulder while fixing his sleeves properly. It was only ten to six in the morning, and he was on his way out the door to head down to the precinct for another regular day at the office - although, he wasn’t expecting any calls to come right before he would head off to work.

“Zimmerman house,” he spoke, still a bit tired, checking his pockets for his keys. “This is Flip speaking.”

“Philip, what have I said about speaking so grouchy on the phone? You’re going to scare anyone away who tries to call you!” This voice, for Flip, was all too familiar. Scrunching his face in displeasure, he silently panicked before standing straight with a quiet sigh. “Is that any way to speak to your mother when she calls her only child?”

“No, Ma, it’s not,” Flip answered accordingly, running his hand down his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to head out the door for work. Why are you callin’ so early in the morning? Figured you would call sometime this weekend, or after dinner.”

“What’s wrong with me calling? I’m trying to get ahold of Alice,” his mother explained plain as day, and Flip raised a curious brow at this new discovery. 

“Why do you want to talk to Alice?” Flip narrowed his eyes, turning to see his lovely wife scuffle out to the kitchen. Seeing her yawning and wrap her robe tighter around herself, Alice blinked sleepily as she came closer to her husband, into his waiting arm. Once she rest her head on his shoulder, Flip held her close and gave her a quick good-morning kiss to the top of her head, making her hum softly.

Flip’s mother huffed, and he could resist the quick, naughty grin to flash on his face when Alice looked up to him with a curious stare. “What does it matter to you, junior? I can’t talk to my daughter in-law every once in a while for simple lady-talk? It’s been a while since that sweetheart and I had time to ourselves. I have so much to talk to her, about that recipe she told me about, and that dress we picked out together the last time we went out to town - you know the one, it’s green with -!”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna hand you to her, alright?” Flip quickly stopped his mother when he stole a look to the clock hanging over the oven. Pulling the phone away from his ear, Flip was quick to wrap his arm around Alice’s waist and practically lifted her up a bit to seal her lips in a deep kiss, making her squeak cutely as he gently demanded her attention.

Alice managed herself to smile into the kiss and held his face with both of her soft hands, kissing him back as he gently settled her back to her feet. Fixing his collar properly, along with the gold chain of his most treasured accessory (not counting his wedding band) of the Star of David, Flip then gave her lips another kiss, then her cheek, and then her forehead before handing her the phone.

“She’s your problem now, baby doll,” Flip teased with a wink as she rolled her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Alice laughed softly, and he kissed her head just once more time. She made a face at him, making him pinch her nose before taking off to the door. Waving to him with her fingers, Alice brought the phone to her ear and kept her smile on her face as she spoke with more energy to the older woman waiting on the other line. “Good morning, Mom, it’s Alice. How are you doing this morning? I - yes, I miss you, too.”

Hearing his mother exclaim happily on the other line, Flip knew he was safe to leave his home and make it to work on time, all thanks to his lovely wife’s assistance. He will have to thank her in his special way when he gets home tonight. As much as he loved his mom with all of his heart, he couldn’t risk getting into trouble for being a few minutes late with Chief Bridges again. It happens every time either his mom or dad call or see him and Alice in person; always wanting to spare a few more minutes to be with their beloved son and daughter in-law. As much as Flip has tried for so long to get his father to retire and find more time to tend to some hobbies with his mom, Flip knew he inherited his stubbornness from somewhere.

Not to mention both of his parents just really, really love and adore his little wife and like to hog all her attention from him.

To him, Flip always enjoyed seeing Alice interact with his parents, ever since they were dating in high school. Seeing his dad laugh over a story of Flip falling asleep during history, or even during study hall with Alice trying to tutor him with the response ‘that’s my boy’ echoing throughout the house. Or, how his mother would scold Flip while giving Alice all her attention when she asked for an honest “report” of how his test scores have been, and then praising the young woman for doing extra credit, despite already being the best in class. His parents made Alice feel at home, and it felt important to him to have someone so special in his life (and someone he wanted to marry someday, at the time) to feel accepted by his family...

Rather, in comparison to how Alice’s parents reacted to meeting Flip.

It was when they both graduated high school together, a month after the ceremony, in fact, and it was surprisingly hot that sunny Saturday in the venue center. It was in a different side of town Flip wasn’t completely well-known with, with too many people in fancy outfits and shiny cars. The venue was huge: a properly kept and cleaned venue with patios and gazebos with white-clothed tables and pretty glasses; waiters and staff working around before the final moments before they open up the lines to their financially successful visitors. The sky is blue and really, really hot -!

“Flip?”

Spinning around from behind the neatly-trimmed hedge he was (not hiding) by, he took a deep breath when he saw his sweet, sweet Alice in her pretty baby-blue sundress with her hair done in soft curls with her ribbon tied perfectly. His beautiful baby doll was never too fond of using hairsprays and using a teasing comb to create unwanted knots, unlike the big fashion fads and popular girls back at school try to replicate. Seeing her just as she is, looking up to him with her bright eyes made his heart do funny things in his chest.

God, he was so in love with her.

“Are you alright, hot shot? Everyone is going in and getting ready to be seated,” she informed him, obviously leaving out another addition of the obvious for his own sake.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Flip shrugged, clapping his hand and rubbing his palms together for no reason.

She didn’t believe him, her smile perking more on her lips. “Do you need a smoke? I’m sure I can ask for a lighter -?”

“No!” he yelped, suddenly feeling his ears burn. Approaching her and taking her hands with both of his, kissing her knuckles quickly, he tried to play it off with a shrug. “No, m’not gonna go in with a cigarette dangling from my mouth, no! Why would I need to smoke, anyway?”

“Because you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.” Flip broke eye contact with her, knowing he was caught red handed. “I’m not going smoke before going in, okay? I don’t want you feelin’ dizzy when I hold your hand.” 

A soft chuckle slipped from her as she pulled her hands out of his sweaty palms, only to hook her fingers through his belt loops and get on her toes to press a kiss to his freshly shaved jaw. “I know smoking helps you calm down, Flip, and I doubt we’re going to be cuddling during a brunch for me to inhale smoke. Don’t try to act like you’re not nervous about meeting my parents,” she told him sweetly, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “If you want to be a detective, you need to work a little bit more on your acting skills. You’re going to be under a lot of pressure, you know.”

Sighing, Flip dropped his shoulders and rest his hands on her back, hugging her close to him. “Yeah, under lots of pressure…”

“I know, I know.” Patting his chest, Alice propped her chin to look at him with a sort of sad gaze. “Dating for most of high school, and now you’re finally meeting my mom and dad - it’s ridiculous how long we’ve put this off.”

“Well, more like they’ve put this off from us for a long time,” he gruffed under his breath, which caused her to sigh, slow and long. “Hey, I’m sorry, but you and I know it’s been us who put more effort into trying to make it happen for the past few years, baby doll.”

“I’m not arguing, I completely agree. My dad has never really been social for anyone outside of his family or close friends.”

“Oh, that’s great.”

Humming her laugh, Alice got on her toes while tugging on the collar of his shirt for his attention. Flip willingly brought his head back and kissed her lightly, making her not to ruin her soft colored lips. “They will love you, Flip. You’re charming and wonderful, not to mention smart and the man of my dreams,” she listed off with a sweet smile, looking at him with pure joy. Being complimented by someone who had him wrapped around her little finger, he couldn’t hold back his own bashful smile back to her, his cheeks burning. “They will have to love you, anyway. If your folks can love me and want to see us happy, mine should be able to see all the things that’s wonderful about you, too.”

Pressing a soft kiss to her hair, he took a deep breath before nodding. “You know what’s amazing about you? You make everything so much less scary. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would be hiding by a bush, pacing back and forth until someone starts to think you’re doing something suspicious,” she told him, making him snort again and earn another kiss to her head. “Come on, you know I don’t like having you with an empty stomach. They make really good French toast and ham that I think you’ll like.”

“Doubt anything can ever beat you or my ma’s cooking, but I’ll believe you.”

Flip knew from the first day that his girlfriend, Alice von Schonburg, came from a very upper-class family. Her father owned a private candy company that distributes between the US and Canada, as well as working to have business across the sea. He also co-owned some grocery stores around Colorado, thus making a very profitable income and a well-known aristocratic member to Colorado Spring’s high society. While Flip knew of his girlfriend’s rather expensive lifestyle and upbringing, she was much more soft and kind to anyone she meets and caught hearts of everyone around her.

Her father was not the same.

He was definitely a hard man; steely, bright eyes in the same color as his daughter, but held no friendly sparkle. His stares were more cold and unsettling, even when he was having “friendly” conversation with another group of people. He was taller than his wife, dressed in a finely pressed suit and a tie that matched his daughter’s ribbon and his wife’s sundress (as did other parents with their young adult children), and had a cane to support the left side of his weight. He had graying hairs and a thick mustache that could easily hide any sort of scowl or smile...if he ever did. Even seeing him across the back patio of the venue made Flip feel like he was choking on the collar of the button up dress shirt he borrowed from his father.

Even so, Alice held on to his sweaty hand and guided him through the small crowd of people - most of who also swam in their riches, paying the two no mind.

“Father! Mother!” Alice called out, catching both their attention, as well as the two other adults they were conversing with. Bringing her boyfriend over, Alice gave them all a bright, sunny smile underneath the canopy next to the tables filled with assorted glass drinks. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry to interrupt.”

“Alice, looking lovely as ever!” The other man with blond hair and thick glasses offered them both a smile, raising his drinking glass in a greeting to her. “Good to see you, sweetie. I should leave you to your table, hm? Gotta get myself a good spot with Nancy. Good to see you, Al. Elsa, good luck on your next project with Susie.”

“Do not mention any’ting about Nancy’s gloves, Bruce,” the other man, around the same age as Alice’s parents, with a slight accent. “She does not want to think about how her nails habe been ruined from habing to do housevork.”

The man, Bruce, gave off a cheeky smile before taking off. Alice clears her throat once more as she smiled to the remaining three. 

“Mother, Father, I want to introduce you to Philip Zimmerman, my boyfriend,” she introduced proudly, making Flip’s heart sputter from her voice. She looked and sound so happy to finally introduce him to her family. “And, Flip, my mother, Elsa, and my father, Alphonse,” she told him with gentle eyes to him, her hands holding his arm with comfort. “And, this is also Otto - he’s like my uncle. He and Father have known each other since they were very young.”

“It’s absolutely vonderful to finally meet Alice’s dear Süsser,” Otto said with a big grin, reaching a hand out for Flip to shake. The young graduate jumped and was quick to take Otto’s hand, shaking strongly, just like he practiced with his dad for hours last night. It seemed to work, since Otto chuckled when they broke the greeting. “Knew Mäuschen liked de tall ones, too. Very tall.”

“Onkel Otto,” Alice scolded under her breath, her cheeks immediately going bright when the man chuckled again.

Seeing how her parents didn’t verbally respond, Flip swallowed as he nervously smiled and dipped his head in greeting. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said quickly, seeing how her mother, Elsa, gave him a painted smile. When she held out her gloved hand, Flip was extra careful to cradle her fingers within his palm and bow. “Alice always tells me amazing stories about you two, and all you do in Colorado Springs. She was telling me about this charity event you’re planning in the fall.”

“Yes, I’m working with my ladies group to help raise money for a Christmas event for the children’s hospital. We want to make a big dinner and give grand presents, so the parents don’t need to worry as much,” Elsa answered brightly, seeming to like how Flip took note of her hobbies. Flip noticed that she didn’t have such a strong accent like Otto, but there was a little bit of a German touch when it came to her “v”s sounding like “f”s. “It’s lovely to meet you, Philip.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” he blurted, unexpectedly. Attempting to fix his little mistake, Flip straightened his spine and held his hand out to Alice’s father, offering him a smile. “And it’s great to finally meet you, sir - Mr. Alphonse, or, uhm…”

Flip watched, in what felt like slow-motion, as Alphonse von Schonburg looked at his offered hand with a sort of disturbed twitch in his bright eye. Then, just like seeing a fly in his line of sight, the older man shifted his weight with his cane and looked elsewhere, seeming to look at his daughter. “Prefer Herr von Schonburg.”

Dropping his hand back down, wiping his sweaty palm on his dress pants, Flip did his best to keep his cool as Alice have his other arm a reassuring squeeze. Stealing a glance, Flip could see how she was trying to tell him with her eyes that this was normal of her dad’s behavior. Elsa didn’t seem to do anything about her husband’s remark, but Otto didn’t hesitate to sent his old friend a short glare before looking to the two young adults with a big smile.

“Shall ve take a seat, und get our trinkts, ja?” Otto suggested, reaching to pat Flip on the back with an encouraging laugh. “Philip, you und Alice both still too young for mimosa or vine, but ve make it dry! Alice, dis boy likes ham?”

“Flip likes ham.” Alice brought back her sparkling smile towards her uncle, letting her boyfriend escort and guide her to where Otto had reserved their seats at a covered table on a wooden patio deck. “I made him the ham sandwiches you liked so much, from the picnic, and there wasn’t any left for him to take home. I was telling him about how they have good ham here, before we came in.”

The table was arranged in the shade and was decorated with white tablecloth; shiny silverware and numerous plates, napkins folded into what Flip thought were boats at each placement of the rectangular-shaped table. It looked like it could have fit an easy amount of almost ten people, but there were exactly five chairs and five arrangements. Flip thought it was very fancy, similar to his family’s Thanksgiving dinners at his grandmother’s house...

“Ah-ha!” Otto gave a loud, belly laugh, seeming to not care when some of the attendees look in their direction. Elsa tittered to herself by Otto’s gesture, allowing her husband to escort her to the other end of the long table. “Though, I must ask, vhere de name...Flip, not Philip?”

Flip first held Alice’s hand in one while the other pulled out a chair in the corner, letting her sit down first and pushing her in. “It’s - uh, it’s a nickname I’ve had since I was little, and it just stuck to everyone I went to school with,” he answered honestly, making sure his girlfriend was comfortable first before going to the seat right next to her - until Otto caught his arm.

“No nonsense, young man, you are a guest und shall sit at the other head of the table. Come here, still next to Mäuschen!” Otto commanded, dragging Flip to sit directly across from Alice’s father, who took his seat and watched with unreadable eyes. “Perfekt! Und I sit here, then ve vill habe better conversation. Tell me more of de nickname.”

Flip felt a little too warm from the seating arrangement and being put on the spotlight, but seeing how Elsa and Otto genuinely seemed to be interested in it, he took a deep breath. Feeling Alice’s Mary Jane press against his large foot, he felt a little bit more confident. “My folks sent me to summer camps, especially when I was in the scouts, and I had a habit of flipping off the docks into the lakes. My cabin buddies started calling me Flip, and then, by dinner, the whole camp was calling me that. A lot of the guys I went to camp with went to our school, so I guess they made sure it’d spread.”

Otto chuckled warmly at the story. “Of course, vhat kind of friends vould they be if they habe not reminded people of your big talent,” he commented, glancing to Elsa and Alphonse with a cheeky smile. “Vonderful to know that camp traditions of nicknames still exist.”

“Well, Philip, perhaps someday we will see your amazing flips into a lake or pool,” Elsa offered before Otto opened a can of worms that wasn’t appropriate quite yet. “So, please, tell us: what are your parents like? Surely, they’re wonderful people, if they allow such a polite boy in scouts and camps.”

“My father is a mechanic. He’s very proud whenever he works with cars or machinery,” Flip said fondly.

“Zimmerman...as in Ackerman and Zimmerman Auto Shop?” Alphonse, surprisingly, spoke up.

Flip was quick to nod. “Yeah, yeah, It’s been a sort of family business with the Ackermans,” he answered eagerly. “My father and a close friend of his started it way before I was born.”

“How wonderful.” Elsa was giving an honest smile, which was surprising to Flip, never thinking such a laboring, dirt job like working under and inside cars would be appealing. Then, he thought, of how it was in the family and it was obvious that there was a profitable income. He didn’t take it to heart. “And, your mother? Does she work, too, or is she a housewife?”

“She’s a nurse at the local hospital. Maybe, if you’re interested, Mrs. von Schonburg, she would like to volunteer for your charity plan? I’m sure her and other nurses would like to help with the children’s hospital…”

“Oh, that would be wonderful! And, please, dear, call me Elsa,” she responded joyously, making Flip smile back to her.

“Ackerman und Zimmerman are strong names,” Alphonse suddenly spoke up, interrupting whatever else his wife was going to say next. Flip saw from the corner of his eye how Alice’s lips fell to a hard line and looked her father’s way. He couldn’t see her expression, but her shoulders were tense. “Common Deutsch names. Say, vhich church do you attend vith your family?”

“Father!” Alice suddenly leaned in, her voice thick and testy. “Das ist -!”

“Schatzchen,” Alphonse grounded back, his eyes piercing at Alice. Flip managed to slip his hand under the tablecloth and tugged on her fingers, letting her hold his hand back with a tight grip. “Do not interrupt, it is unbecoming.”

Alice eventually leaned back, keeping her gaze down and her hold on his hand tightened even more. Flip brushed his thumb over her knuckles. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her head, like he always did, but he knew he couldn’t…

“I don’t attend a church with my family,” he answered, strong and brave in his tone. “My family and I attend the big synagogue that’s near the city hall and community college.”

There was an uncomfortable silence at the table, even when the waiter came to deliver glasses of iced water, even though Alice mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him. Alphonse stared with a stoic expression at Flip, and Flip himself couldn’t stop from staring back. Yes, he was scared and ready to shit his pants, but he wasn’t going to let go of something - someone he really loved, all because of his family’s belief. Even Alice told him that she wanted him to always take a stand to anyone who would try and see his religion as a negative, when it wasn’t. Alice adored that about Flip and his family, always grateful to be accepted into the Zimmerman household and being taught of their customs and traditions, and it made Flip grateful…

Although, now, Flip was feeling negative with just the look on Alphonse von Schonburg’s face.

“Ein Juden,” he said slowly, making Alice give her father a hard look.

“Yes, sir,” Flip stood straighter, trying to feel tall and confident in himself, “I’m Jewish.”

Flip swore he was watching the man’s nose grow red, but he didn’t say anything more as the trolley of the brunch arrived to their spot, the waiter smiling and unknown to what was going on. He began serving the dishes, and Alphonse simply took his folded napkin and snapped it open a little bit too hard. Elsa was a lot more gentle, but still uncomfortably silent all the while their plates were served first. Flip was grateful that Alice refused to let go of his hand from underneath the table, and was surprised with Otto leaned back, unceremoniously, on his chair.

Smiling.

“I’ve only seen your synagogue from the outside, yet the arrangement of de stained glass is very, very detailed,” Otto said, taking his napkin and ready to tuck it into his shirt. “Be vonderful to see de sun shine inside. Und de gardens outside is alvays lovely to smell on valks in de spring. You go often, Philip?”

“My mother tries to get me to go once a week, although it is a little bit harder now that I’m going to the police academy. She tries to go for every service, or she helps bring them to the hospital, for her patients.”

“How vonderful. My mutter vas de same vith her church,” Otto responded affectionately. “Mittwoch, Samtag und Sonntag, every veek. Soon as I got old enough, I did vhatever I could do to not vear de church pants - terrible stitch dat rode up my -!”

“Otto!” Elsa bursted into a genuine laugh. “Mind your manners, you old hound!”

Otto gave her a cheeky laugh and then reached over to pat Flip on the back, as if they shared a secret joke that no one knew about. Once the plates have been served and the waiter reminded the table to call for anything else, everyone seemed to try and begin eating with ease.

“Thought Juden do not eat pork,” Alphonse blurted out casually, causing both Elsa and Alice to freeze their utensils.

Flip, at this point, didn’t hesitate to use his knife to cut his piece of ham into smaller bits. “Some Jewish people don’t eat pork, and some do, depending who it is. My parents allow us to eat pork, unless it’s for a specific holiday, then we do our best to respect Kashrut.” It wasn’t necessary, but Flip took a generous piece of ham and ate it, swallowing and then wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Again, it’s different for everyone within the community. It’s a lot more complexed, but I won’t bore you with them, sir.”

“But you had Alice’s sandwiches before,” Otto questioned. He grinned when Flip nodded with some sort of enthusiasm, despite having his mouth full. “Mäuschen is blessed in the kitchen, I say. Been to New York, Chicago, Italy, France und all, but never had the best ham sandwich until Alice made me hers.”

“Alice makes the best sweets, too,” Flip willingly added in, looking to his girlfriend and squeezing her hand. Seeing her roll her eyes slightly and try to hide her embarrassed smile with her fork, Flip snickered. “Whenever she helped with our school events, all her stuff is always sold out. I think she has Betty Crocker running for her money.”

“And you say you’re in the police academy, Philip?” Elsa asked after sipping from her glass. “What made you want to go for the police force?”

“It sounds childish, but...I wanted to be a superhero, when I was really little. I think I’ve always just wanted to make people feel safe, save the day once in a while… I always looked to cops being the first step to becoming a superhero growing up,” he confessed with a half-smile. “I’ll say it’s a lot of work, but it’s pretty great, especially with the support I have. I know it’s going to be all worth it.”

Looking at Alice, the young couple caught their eyes and smiled warmly to each other. Flip knew he wouldn’t have gotten as far as being accepted into the academy without her help. With studying at the library and checking the public records to learn from solved cases and the manuals he was recommended to look over, Alice always made sure to quiz him, get him coffee and food and encouraging kisses. Flip’s parents were also supporting his career choice, too, but it was really Alice who was making sure that he kept his focus on his studies whenever it was necessary. She always made sure to get him back on track when he would rather throw the towel in. Alice never gave up on him.

Elsa and Otto immediately caught on and seemed to have a positive reaction to it, seeing how honest and appreciative he was for Alice and all the help she’s done for him.

“Das mag ich nicht.” 

Flip watched Alice’s face suddenly transform from happy and in love, to pure sadness, releasing a long sigh as Elsa reacted to Alphonse in shock. She was saying something to Alphonse, Flip had no idea word-for-word, but he was sure she was scolding him for what he said, igniting a quiet argument between husband and wife. Flip doesn’t speak a word of German but, thanks to Alice, he has learned bits and pieces whenever he would ask her. The many times she would mumble something under her breath, usually when she was frustrated with something and didn’t want to openly curse in front of others… But, besides that, Flip had a good idea what Alphonse was responding so negatively about.

Seeing Alice trying not to cry out of frustration towards her father, doing her best not to cause a scene, Flip completely dismissed his own brunch and focused on his girlfriend. Otto also stopped eating and looked to Alice worryingly.

“Flip Zimmerman, come back to Earth, please!”

Coming out of his trip down Memory Lane, Flip looked over to see his partner and friend, Ron Stallworth, giving him a pointed look to the two coffee mugs in each hand. Sighing, Flip kicked off his feet off his desk and thanked Ron for getting him his fourth refill. He tried his best to ignore Ron’s stare at him, watching him take a few big gulps and give his friend the stink-eye, but that only made ‘the rookie’ grin.

“What’s got Flipper’s head rolling today, huh?” Ron asked, all cheeky and teasing as usual when it was a slow day in the office. “Got your head in the clouds, probably thinking about Playmates?”

“Hardly,” Jimmy’s voice cut in from the other side of him, making Flip sigh. “The only lil bunny you’ll ever catch this man thinkin’ is his wife. Did she pack you any lunch today? I’m starving.”

“Nah, I was hoping you’d treat me to lunch down the street from the last time ya ate my food,” Flip snipped back with a friendly smirk, making Jimmy snicker.

“Anyway, as I was sayin’,” Ron broke the incoming banter that usually happened around this time between Flip and Jimmy, “I was trying to ask you how you proposed.”

“What? ‘Proposed’?” Flip’s face twisted in confusion, looking to his friend with narrowed eyes. “What, you planning on proposin’ to Patrice, after all this time?”

“I didn’t - if you were paying attention to what I was saying before, you would know I was askin’ because I was just curious!” Ron was quick to respond, making Flip slowly turn in his chair to face his partner more directly, just seeing him getting flustered. “Y’know, nothing’s going on here, so why not make small talk; always wondered how ya made the move to whisk a nice lady like Alice into marrying you, anyway.”

“I’d say it’s personal business, but -”

“Oh, this big guy did it in the most public place possible. At a big-ass dinner party her ma was hosting at some fancy as hell arts museum,” Jimmy interrupted again. “He gave her ol’ man a heart attack when she said ‘yes’!”

“What, Alice’s daddy don’t like lumberjacks?” Ron earned a playful punch to his arm from his friend, making sure not to spill his own mug of coffee.

Flip shook his head. “No, he didn’t like the fact that his little girl was marrying a Jew.” When Jimmy went quiet and Ron did a double-take, Flip shrugged his shoulders as casual as possible. “Her father was the only one from his immediate family to move from Germany, her mom was born and raised here, but her own parents were from Berlin, if I remember right.”

“So, wait a minute,” Ron stopped him and took a seat on the edge of Flip’s desk. “So, you, a Jewish man, married to Alice, who’s...not Jewish? Assuming she didn’t convert -”

“She didn’t.” Flip shrugged. “Not a big deal. It’s like I’ve said: never been really big into that part of me, being Jewish, and Alice wasn’t big on her family’s beliefs either. That also blew her parents out of the water when she said she wanted to just get a civil marriage, instead of a big church wedding.”

“But, Alice’s ol’ man ain’t a -”

“No. Just doesn’t...like my kind. The way he was brought up, I guess. I never really asked, but Alice doesn’t know much either. Never got to be in the military, or ever into politics, really, just doesn’t like me.”

There was a long period of silence between the three, allowing Flip to finish his mug of coffee before it got too cold for his liking. Not enjoying the tension that was coming from his two buddies, the tall man cleared his throat before grabbing a cigarette from the carton next to his phone. “But, yeah, like Jimmy said - I knew I wasn’t going to get any blessing, so I decided to be a cocky little shit, and propose to her in front of a lot of rich, high-and-mighty people in one of the nicest suit-and-tie junctions in Colorado Springs history.”

“Certainly made history with driving a man to curse and raise Hell at a silent auction, but alright,” Jimmy slipped in, making Flip bark out a laugh and try to force him to fall back by kicking behind Jimmy’s propped legs. “What! You know what you did was your talk of the first week ya came here.”

The rest of the day carried on like usual, Flip filling out boring paperwork and answering calls. It was only a breather for him once he punched out and stepped outside the precinct, catching Ron digging for his keys in his coat pockets. Flip startled him into a quick jump, making Flip snort a laugh.

“Don’t go sneaking on me, you damn Flipper,” Ron groaned before finally finding his keys in his breast pocket. “Did you finish the report to send upstairs yet?”

“Yeah, dropped it off on the front desk.”

“Alright. Cool, that’s good,” Ron mumbled, nodding and fumbling with his keys. Flip watched him with a knowing look, head tilting to the side as he propped his jacket over his shoulder.

“What did you want to ask, Ron…”

“What? What?” Ron stammered before meeting Flip’s stare. “I don’t…”

“Look, if you don’t ask me what you want, it’s going to bug the shit outta you, and I don’t like doing that to my friends. You know, Alice would kill me for not being open with you, when you’re not hurting anyone,” Flip told him, raising a brow. “You wanted to ask me something earlier, I’m giving you the chance now.”

Ron took a deep breath, looking around for a second before summoning the courage for himself. “It’s just - you know, you say Alice’s old man never gave you a blessing, and you didn’t convert to either religion. Well, I mean, when you said that Alice’s father is from Germany, it just -? I’m just… How do you two make it work?

“Anytime I see you and Alice together, you two just make yourself to be the happiest married couple in the whole world. Not saying you’re not, but, when you look at it in that detail,” Ron made a gesture with his hands, his keys jingling in his palm. “You came from very different backgrounds, and I guess just seeing how your lady accepts everyone, with no second thought, despite…”

Flip leaned against the chilly brick, popping a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it before he drove home. “When we were in high school, I never brought up the fact that I was Jewish when we first started dating. It wasn’t until my mom begged me to bring her home to meet the family,” he started out. “Again, my folks didn’t make it a big deal to raise me Jewish, but my mom had our house decorated; we had a mezuzah, family portraits that were taken in tradition ways back, and Star of David. I already knew of Alice’s family. People talked at our school, of who’s parents were who. Alice was that kind of popular, pretty-girl who everyone talked about and knew about.

“I didn’t want her walking into my house and - I don’t know - think how we all thought German people thought of us, or something,” he laughed at the memory, seeing it clearly as if it was yesterday when he and Alice were teenagers again.

Sitting in the library, her trying have him memorize his history notes for the upcoming test he had to retake, and he could only just stare like the lovesick boy he was. He’d tell her that his mother invited her over to join them for dinner on Friday, remembering how she brightened up and tried to contain her excitement of getting to meet his parents. She asked him what she should wear, if she should bring something for his mother to impress her - flowers, a dessert or maybe a box of candy for his mother to bring to the hospital, and another for his father to bring to the shop. Flip could see himself trying to calm her down, holding her hand…

Then, getting unsure of himself.

“Then, knowing her, she could tell that something was wrong. She always does, I don’t know how she does, but she asked me what was running through my mind. I couldn’t hide anything, so I told her.” Flip swallowed, remembering how he felt, that sort of pressure of waiting for a response from her. Alice listened to him when he said ‘I’m actually Jewish’, and blinked, seeming to process it. The next memory made him actually snicker next to Ron, who was listening almost like how Alice always did: intentive, curious and respectful. “Next thing I know, she just smiled and said ‘okay’.” Flip shrugged, his face splitting into a huge grin. “Okay? What did she think of that? Honest opinion, because I’m about ready to either crap my pants or have my head pop off. She told me that all she really cared for was me being comfortable and happy with her. You know what she thought about me being Jewish, when I asked her?”

Ron shook his head and Flip chuckled.

“When I asked her, she told me she thought it was really interesting and wanted to learn about what I knew. She just...wanted me to tell her more about myself, and didn’t judge anything that would have otherwise been weird to anyone else.” Flip shrugged again, his smile never leaving his face. “I asked her if she thought it was weird to date me, after that, and she gave me a look and snapped back with ‘why the hell would I think it’s weird? I think it’s amazing, and I want to know more!’ Something about how she snipped at me and then smiled like an angel got to me.”

“Is that when you figured you were going to marry her?” Ron asked, a knowing smirk on his face when Flip sighed, slow and long. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s when I knew.”

XXX.

It was dark out by the time Flip made it back home, but still earlier than usual for Flip’s rather packed to the last minutes of the days schedules. Seeing the lights on in the living room, even with the drapes closed, it felt welcoming and safe with the warm, yellow glow of the lights and the front yard light guiding him home to where he knew his beautiful, loving wife was waiting for him. Entering through the front door, announcing his arrival, Flip couldn’t help but grow still as an odd aroma overpowered his nose. He stopped immediately after taking off his shoes, taking a deep inhale through her nose and out of his mouth…

It smelled familiar, but not quite what he expected walking into his own house.

“Alice?” he called, hearing a shuffle coming from the kitchen and his wife cursing under her breath. Coming further through the living room to the wall hiding the kitchen and dining room around the corner, Flip caught Alice attempt to pluck something out of one of her little bread pans, only to drop it back with a hiss and suck her thumbs.

“Mmmm!” she whined loudly all while her thumbs in her mouth, then jumping at the sight of Flip at the corner. Popping them out, the pads of her thumbs red in irritation, Alice stared wide-eyed at him. “Flip! What are you doing home so early? You’re suppose to be still at the station!”

“I finished paperwork early, so Chief let us all go,” he explained, looking carefully between her and the little bread pans. They were the ones Alice usually made her chocolate-banana breads or little cakes in, but what they currently had cooling wasn’t anything he has seen her make before. The tops of whatever they looked braided in a way, with chunks of brown pieces of some mix spread on the top. It looked a bit too brown to be a regular cake or bread, making him wonder if Alice accidentally burned it.

Seeing him look at her baking, Alice peeped with a sliver of terror before scurrying to him, trying to push him out. “Don’t look at it! I messed up,” she rushed, unable to make the solid brick that is her husband to even budge. “You were suppose to come home later, after I clean everything up and started dinner to hide the smell -!”

He was careful to grab her wrists and bring her hands up. Holding her thumbs propped out to him, he kissed the irritated skin and then her palms, turning his head left and right each time before standing to look down to her.

“What are you trying to hide, baby doll? It’s not my birthday...is it?” Flip was terrible at remembering his own birthday, since he usually had other things in mind (but always remembered Alice’s birthday, or their wedding anniversary), but he was sure of himself that he still had some odd months until then. “You’re acting like you’re tryin’ to hide a body on me.”

Alice went red in the cheeks out of mere embarrassment, pouting so cutely at him to see her getting more bothered at being caught - with whatever she’s doing. “I was planning on surprising you with it, but now it’s all ruined. How is it that guys always walk in on surprises all the time? You know, your mother told me the story of how you always seem to ‘walk-in’ on her wrapping your birthday and holiday presents? Passover and Hanukkah, you had her routine down and -”

“You’re not answering me, honey.” Flip cupped her cheeks and squished them up, making her look like a chipmunk with too much food in its cheeks. He gave her an encouraging smirk and shook her head gently. “C’mon, what are you trying to do here?”

Alice huffed and puffed a bit, unable to meet his gaze as she caved in. “I’m trying to make your mother’s chocolate babka,” she confessed, and it all came together as he grinned.

“Is that why she called so goddamn early today?”

Nodding, Alice sunk her cheeks into his palms, seeming to try to look down. “I called her last week, asking if she would tell me her recipe, or where I can find a good one in magazines or books, for starting out,” she explained. “She said she’d call me as soon as she found hers, and we spent all morning rewriting it over the phone and double-checking. I honestly thought you would be home later, so I would have time to call her back before dinner to see what I did wrong.”

“Why’re you trying to hide it from me, Alice?”

“You mentioned a couple weeks back how you missed your mom’s chocolate babka, and I figured it was about time I tried to make something special to you, since your parents live a long ways away now,” she admitted, tugging his wrists to let go of her face and sighed. “I didn’t want to push your mother, since it always seemed so special in your family, but she was...really happy I asked. I just feel like I would have let her down by burning them, even with step-by-step instructions.”

Flip just hummed before reaching over to the still-hot pan, tearing off a decent chunk of the top. Before Alice could stop him, he shoved as much of the bread into his mouth; it was a good thing that his hands were callous enough to ignore the burn, and the fact that he always drank his coffee as hot as possible to be used to it in his mouth, and he just threw his head back and began chewing.

“Flip, you ass! Spit that out!” Alice hissed, trying to reach to the piece hanging immaturely out of his mouth, like a mother trying to take a hazard out of a toddler’s mouth...when the toddler happens to be over six feet tall. Flip was behaving like a bird trying to eat a chunk of burger whole. “I don’t want you to eat it when it’s all burned like that!”

Being able to chew and swallow the first bite and then start working on the remaining bit, making crumbs stick to his facial hair and sprinkle into the collar of his flannel. Alice tried to remain grumpy with him, but there was a smile on her face.

“You’re a jerk, you know that?” she told him with a muffled laugh in her voice, shoving her face into his shoulder when he playfully patted her ass with his clean hand. She tried to brush the crumbs from his shirt while he finished eating with a grin on his face.

Once swallowing, Flip was quick to cup her face with his clean hand, squish her cheeks to pucker her lips and gave her a deep kiss. His wife made a noise, a cute one that reminded him of whenever he would tease her to get her into the mood, and he smiled against her mouth before breaking the kiss. He snickered at the sight of her trying to wipe the dark crumbs he stuck to her face with her sleeve.

“I don’t know what you were complaining about, babydoll, but this tastes pretty damn good to me,” Flip told her confidently, licking his lips before kissing along her cheek repeatedly. Hugging her in his arms, to prevent her from escaping, he hummed a chuckle when she eventually went limp in his arms.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my husband who ruined the surprise I tried to make,” she sniffed with amusement, causing him to angle her face again to kiss her lips. Sighing against his mouth, she pulled back and he went back to nuzzling her neck with kisses and gentle touches. “I think I’m going to call Ma and ask her to show me how to do it properly. We should really have them visit for a weekend - the weather is suppose to be nice next month, and there’s going to be some community events that they would like -”

“You’re the most amazing woman in the whole damn world,” he said against her skin, squeezing her for a moment. “I love you so damn much.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to butter me up for, but it’s not working. I’m still upset you -”

He hushed her with a deep kiss, making her whine and have it fall into giggles when he didn’t let up. Rocking them both while he just gave her kisses and making her laugh when he used his teeth on the tickle spots on her pulse, making her shiver, Flip took a deep breath and let himself just feel at home. Feeling Alice snuggle her face into his shoulder, he knew he got her right where he wanted her.

“I still want to eat the rest of it,” he told her warmly, nuzzling his large nose into her hair lovingly. “I think it tastes pretty fuckin’ great.”

“It’s burnt, and I bet it doesn’t taste anything like your m -”

“Probably burnt because I have a smokin’ hot wife, and the babka couldn’t handle it.” This made them both laugh at his unusual corniness to the point that Flip snorted, only making Alice laugh harder against him at the whole situation. “I really do like it, Alice. I’m proud of you,” he told her honestly. He knew why she wanted it to be ‘perfect’, and why she was making this a big fuss. He knew his wife, and he watched her stare into his eyes, unshedding tears welling up in hers as she sniffed and smiled.

“Thank you…”

Flip smirked adoringly and wriggled himself against her. “And, I love you very, very much,” he told her, making her smile bashfully.

“I love you, too, hot shot. Very, very much...even though you ruined the surprise.”

“I can be surprised next time,” he promised her with a cheeky grin. “So, can I have another bite, or are we going to have to tango again?”

XXX.

taglist of buds: @ayatimascd @adamsnackdriver @babbushka @formerly-anonhamster @the-wayward-rose @ben-solo (please message if you would be interested in being added to the oneshot tags!)

So, I understand German pretty well, but I can not for the life of me speak/write it properly. I want to refine my speaking ability, even though I don’t use it for anything in my everyday life...I just find it fun. I like learning languages and learning phrases!

I figured, for Flip being a Jewish man and (possibly) marrying someone who would either be a) not Jewish, or, b) from of German ancestry (especially if they were first generation), would kinda show how he personally handles his own identity with his in-laws and how is ‘affects’ his marriage. In my opinion, I think anyone who would be with Flip wouldn’t look at him as any different or anything negative than the man they love him for, but would want to still be respectful in the same while.

I hope you enjoyed and will let me know what you thought! I really do appreciate feedback and knowing what you think. Thank you again for reading!!

[chilly-me-softly]

Last Friday Night • (Part 10)

Chapter 1      Chapter 4        Chapter 7 Chapter 2      Chapter 5        Chapter 8 Chapter 3      Chapter 6        Chapter 9

Tag: @lfcxlouise @mwdders @walkeers

Things couldn't have gone better. Ever since James showed up at their door one morning and she had practically forced Ben to talk to his friend, things had settled between them. She' d had a smile on her face all day long, seeing the two of them interact and joke around like she had never seen them do before. Watching with her own eyes the extraordinary relationship everyone had told her about.

However, from that episode it seemed that a cloud of calm had fallen in their lives, allowing them to enjoy each other's company, to get to know each other further and to live a little more peacefully. They enjoyed spending time together, posting pictures of them fooling around for the 'fans'. She hadn't got used to that yet, the looks she caught when she was at the stadium or the comments she found under some photos. But she had never been a person always on the phone, desperately looking for attention so she didn't care about people's envious thoughts. I do everything for Ben, she kept repeating herself by feeling everyone's eyes on her before pretending no one was around her.

The only thing weighing on that almost perfect picture that had become her life now was her family. She never thought she would miss them so much, even though they made her roll her eyes ten times out of nine. She was the one to claim that as soon as she got a regular job, she would leave that house. But now, just seeing a stranger with a baby made the chest tighten.

She tried to contact them. The girls had finally gone to visit her, and that day was her mother's birthday, so they pushed her to call. But it hurt more to wait on line for someone to answer than to stare at the phone and do nothing. She had let herself go into her friends arm, thanks to the fact that Ben had left the house to her understanding how important it was for her to be able to speak freely with her friends once together.

It hurt, and maybe that was the one thing she wasn't completely honest with Ben about. Because his mom kept calling him, asking him how things were going, having a relationship with him like nothing had changed. While her parents couldn't even pretend they still had a daughter.

And then she'd see the sweet smile or the changing of his voice every time the woman was on the other end of the phone, so she'd refuse to even think about weighing it on him.

And now they're right in his childhood home. At least once a month, Ben usually comes home and spends time with his family because they can't see each other every day or maybe celebrate something important. So he knows that at least for one day, he'd go back to being the spoiled, pampered kid by his parents.

For the previous months he had skipped or gone alone, the situation between them too new and embarrassing for her to show up at that house. But since almost six months had passed, Ben -or better his mom- had demanded Claire's presence. They had to start somewhere, right?

So now she's in the kitchen, drying her hands after helping her mother-in-law wash the dishes. She was so insistent that the woman had to accept in the end. Ben's in the living room watching something about the premier with his dad, a beer in his hands.

"So, how's your parents?" the woman sits in a chair while she nods to her to do the same.

"Oh" is the first thing that comes out of her mouth, looking down at her hands uncomfortable. "I-"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to upset you. Parents always want the best for their children and they tend to make a drama out of everything" a little smile on her lips before sighing heavily and looking into her eyes.

"The thing is, usually my brother's the one who screws up, I've always been the quiet one. And feeling a disappointment isn't nice" you admit maybe for the first time to someone other than your friends.

"You're not a disappointment, honey. They just need more time to fully understand the whole situation" the woman lays her hand on hers as a sign of comfort.

"My parents don't change their mind that easily. They can be as understanding about the things they care about as they are cruel about everything else. And I don't want my relationship with Ben, if we decide to continue it, to be marked by this" you admit, your tone of voice is very low and subdued.

"Speaking of which, have you thought about what to do yet?" Claire shakes her head, the first six months went by relatively quickly. The year of the contract will expire just as quickly, they are aware of it. But neither of them open up the subject yet.

"We'll let some more time pass, I think. We'll see how things are around the end of the contract" the girl shrugs while inside her, the mere thought of being separated from Ben at that moment, creates a discomfort on her stomach that frightens her.

However, the evening ends pleasantly, the two women join the men in the living room spending a few more moments with each other. Before the couple decide it's time to go, Ben's mother almost makes her cry by holding her in her arms and asking her -no, ordering her- to call her at any time if she needs to vent to someone neutral.

The two of them go home in total silence, and not because they were embarrassed but because they really didn't need to speak. They go back into the house and immediately head for their rooms, stopping in front of Claire's door.

"Thanks for the evening" the girl looks at him trying to convey all the gratitude she feels at that moment, because she knows he was the author of her conversation with her mother.

"Thank you for coming" he replies with a smile on his face. Then to the amazement of both of them, Claire leans forward and makes their lips touch in a gentle kiss. She moves away, but Ben brings her back to his lips with one hand behind her neck. Their lips burn on contact and when they are forced to detach for lack of air they look into each other's eyes, Ben's thumb touching Claire's lips as if to make sure he hasn't dreamt it all. The beating of four hearts echoed in his ears when he went back to his room that night.

The next morning Ben wakes up with a smile on his face, that girl has bewitched him and he can't help but admit that he probably would have kissed her sooner if things hadn't been so eventful.

Claire's door is ajar and his head turns involuntarily going to the bathroom. He stops dead in place when he sees that her bed is made, it's only eight o'clock in the morning and the girl is not really an early riser. He looks for the phone in his pockets when he realizes the girl is not even downstairs, but he remembers he didn't take it with him. When he approaches her bedside table he finds a note stuck in the cover of his phone.

…

That kiss. God, if she liked it. That's why she did it.

No, she doesn't really know why she did it. As soon as she closed the door to her room, she jumped on the bed feeling like she was flying. The feeling of the boy's lips still loud and clear on hers, so much so that she even carried her fingers on her lips a couple of times. But then panic sets in, she couldn't do it. How was she supposed to greet him the next morning? Well, he kissed her back, but what if he regretted it? What if it didn't matter? What if she'd jeopardized the last few months they had together?

"You like him my friend, get over it" she complains lightly hiding her face in the pillow while Bea looks at her amused. She'd turned up at her house early in the morning, but all the girl had to do was look at her face and there was no need to argue about the time.

"Please tell me something! Anything to distract me from that bloody kiss" her voice muffled by the fabric pleaded her, and her friend doesn't think twice before dropping a bomb. "I slept with James"

Claire's head pops out, "You what?"

 Chapter 11 

[imagine-loki]

Pride and Prejudice

TITLE: Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 6 AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.     RATING: Mature   NOTES/WARNINGS: Forced Marriage, not all fun and games. My first real step back into the Loki scene in over a year.

Tags - @skulliebythesea

Ella understood she would receive a frosty reception in Jotunheim, and that was not just in regards to the weather. She knew many would be suspicious of the Aesir especially after everything and the fact that in almost a thousand years, Odin had not sought to thaw relations. But the manner in which Prince Loki spoke to her that night brought her from feeling fear of the isolation and foreignness of the land she was now in to feeling scared at how their marriage could be. The coldness of his tone, as well as the accusation in it,  made her feel as though her thoughts that he was glaring at her at dinner was not as she had convinced herself as it being in her mind and that she simply was being overly-sensitive but that he had very much done so. She wondered if she could speak with her father and voice her concerns, hoping he would not force her into a marriage if it was going to be one of open hostility. That very day the stipulation was made that she had to give her husband two sons, and Norns only knows how many daughters in the process as per the agreement. The idea of laying with a man that loathed her made her shudder. Rising to her feet, she thought to speak with her parents for a moment to see if they could alter the agreement as clearly Loki thought little to nothing of her.

Just as she opened the door of her rooms, she was startled to see Loki standing outside them. Though shocked, she instinctively curtsied. “Your Highness.”

“Princess.” He bowed. “I was hoping to have a moment of your time.” She nodded, terrified of what he would say. “I wish to apologise for my earlier behaviour, it was unacceptable, I am sorry.”

“I understand. I am your realm’s enemy’s daughter. I know the air of suspicion that places on me, but I can assure you, I only want what is best for Jotunheim. It is to be my home now and I want it to thrive, especially under your rule.”

Loki did not know what to think of her words. He simply nodded and agreed. “Yes, I wish for the same. If we share such a goal, then this should not be too difficult.”

“No, I suspect not.” She gave a small smile. “I will not take up any more of your evening. I thank you for your apology and accept it. I know alliance marriages are not the most pleasant and are practically unheard of in this realm, I hope I do not disappoint you.”

“It seems to be somewhat a common occurrence on yours though, does it not?”

“In the higher houses, yes. It is.”

“Does that not lead to inbreeding?”

“It very much does, hence my father marrying my mother to dilute a somewhat teetering bloodline.”

“I thought it was to secure Vanaheim’s allegiance against Nidavallr?” Loki was certain Arden had taught him such.

“An arranged marriage can have more than one particular reason.” She shrugged. “Is it not the same here?”

“No, here you do as you please, though some houses do like to align but our breeding practises mean multiple mates of any standing are entirely acceptable.”

“I’m sorry to have taken such choices from you,” Ella commented. “Though I am curious, do men have the choice of how many wives he has but a woman only has one husband?”

“No, women can choose to mate with whomever she chooses, it is simply a case of who gives her the most reason to mate with them.”

Ella noted the manner in which he referenced intimacy. It seemed so different from Asgard. “I see. Forgive me, but it is getting late and I have taken enough of your time.”

“Yes. I had best go and ensure my father is alright. Goodbye.” He turned and left and rushed down the hallway without waiting for her to reply.

Ella walked back into her room, her plan to speak with her father all but forgotten as it was most likely a moment of ill-thought that spurred Prince Loki’s earlier comments and with him apologising for them, she saw no reason to incite issue.

Loki walked to his father’s rooms thinking of the interaction he had just had with his soon-to-be mate. She was polite, but he loathed everything she referenced with regards to Aesir society. The idea that she would simply be bartered off without so much as entertaining the idea of love and that she would just accept it was unfathomable to him. He feared the union already and he especially feared how any children born to it would fare. His father had four mates through his life, he cared for each of them individually, his mother, Nal, was his father’s favourite to converse with as she had seen more of the realms. She had been Vanir, but the Great War took her when a Light Elf ship crashed into the dwelling she was in. Laufey mourned her, yet loved his other mates also for how they enriched his life.

When his father told him of the Aesir tradition of one mate, he had been horrified. The idea that you could go your whole existence loathing your significant other and not have the release of the company of one you adore terrified him. When his father told him of the view that procreating with one outside of that chosen spouse led to mayhem and anger, he did not know what to think. He was grateful that female Aesir tended to have seasonal spikes in fertility with the chance of impregnation throughout the year so heirs were guaranteed so long as they lay with one another with some fashion of regularity but knowing there was nothing for them to speak about and knowing his father publicly guaranteed to the Allfather that he would not take another mate both angered him and broke his heart. He always cared deeply for one such being. Angrboða met him in mind, she engaged him in ways he knew this Aesir never would. He always thought she would be his other mate, that seemed a common occurrence on most every realm, even Asgard had such partners, though they called them ‘Mistresses’, but the Allfather stated specifically it would not be permitted. Arden informed him it was to do with lineage. Though most men in Aesir court did indeed have mistresses, the King would not, so an illegitimate son would not be able to usurp his legitimate brother’s rightful throne. It made sense, it kept the line of succession precise and easy to follow, but it was about to lead to a very miserable union for him.

“My son.”

Loki looked at his father, almost falling out of the chair he was in. He righted him immediately. “Father.”

“She is here. She is not as bad as the brother, Norns be praised. I did everything I could for you, to have the Casket brought back, to have you see the Jotunheim I knew before. It is so close, I can taste it. Wait until you show your sons how it was, how it will be again. And a daughter, if you have one, to show her flora long made dormant by the frost. I see it so clearly. A little girl, seeing a flower bloom for the first time as her brother, our future, your heir wields a seidr beckoned toy sword. Norns but it will be glorious. You will be there to give them this, knowing you did this for them, for them all, the whole realm.”

Loki swallowed at his father’s dream, not voicing the pressure he felt from it. “Are you planning to not see it yourself, Father?”

“I grow weak, I do not think I will see it again in all of its glory, but I will hold on long enough to see it grow, to see my first grandchild from you come to be.”

“That is something of a deterrent, I would delay such to keep you longer.”

“Don’t jest with me in such a manner.” His father chuckled. “I know the bargain with regards to mates is not a fair one, Loki, but there is no way he would have agreed otherwise.” Loki swallowed. “I know you care for Deric’s daughter, and she is a good being, but it must not result in a child.”

“I understand.”

“Good. The princess, she is key to everything. If she does as she is supposed to do and gives you your sons, she will have given us new hope. And who knows, the Allfather was given the Allmother in such a manner and they care for one another, perhaps you will come to see the Princess in the same way.“

Loki very much doubted it.

[melodiesofblueroses]

Flower Shop (Saeran x Reader)

Warning: Rather lengthy and maybe ooc! 

      Everyday, right when the doors opened, the same girl would burst into the shop and pick up exactly a dozen pinks. Saeran didn’t think much of it during the first few days it started. She could be buying flowers to enrich her home or gifting them to someone. Days turned to weeks which turned to months. She never failed to come at eight o’clock sharp and pick up the same flowers each day, even when the weather was unfavorable and the roads were iced with a thick sheet of snow in the sidewalks. Her determination was admirable. Maybe that was one of the traits that made him fall for her. 

       Every day he would notice something cute about her. The way she smiled when surrounded by flowers; the way she avoided looking him in the eyes when paying, as if embarrassed that she was a regular; her furrowed brows when told that there were no pinks left in stock; her sweet hums when walking around the shop, thinking that the store was empty and that no one could hear her. It had been a while before Saeran realized that he had fallen for her. So much of her persona could be told through the actions she took. 

        Eight o’clock sharp, and the tiny bell above the door rang. He looked up from the chrysanthemums that he was tending to and noticed her. She dressed in casual clothes, as usual, dressing in a beige knit sweater and navy jeans that were worn a bit at the ends. Her smile never faltered. Every day she came in wearing the same warm smile as she went up to the counter to pick up her dozen pinks. 

        “Your flowers are at the counter,” Saeran announced, watering a few daisies that sat by a window. She looked down at her feet, twirling a strand of hair around her index before muttering a small ‘thanks’ and dropping the money off at the counter. It was another one of her quirks that he had noticed. She tended to bite her lip or the inside of her cheek when nervous or a bit shy and play with her fingers. He had found it a bit cute, but their interaction was nothing short of one between a customer and a salesperson. While their interaction was short and conversation was at most two sentences, Saeran found himself day-by-day growing attached to the mysterious girl. He wanted to find out where she went with those flowers but gradually grew interested in her daily life. What did she do during her days? Did she also enjoy gardening just as much? Perhaps she owned a cute little garden in her backyard which she tended to during her free time. It wasn’t long before he realized that he had fallen for her. 

        He was seated in a little booth of the small ice cream parlor that was just around the corner from his shop, eating his vanilla ice cream on a cone alone. It was a pretty frigid day outside, but Saeran always seemed to have room for ice cream. Perhaps it was due to the sweet memories of sharing a popsicle with his brother when the two of them were younger. Whatever it was, Saeran seemed most at peace with flowers and ice cream. He looked out the parlor window, watching people pass by and going about their daily lives.

        From the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar figure pass by on a tarnished, yellow bike. It might have been his imagination, but it was the same casual sweater from the morning that was riding the bike. Quickly glancing towards the streetlight, he found her waiting impatiently for the light to turn red, carrying a bouquet of yellow pansies in the basket that clung onto her bike. Saeran was once again intrigued by her figure. She had never spoken more than a few words to him in a quaint voice, so he was curious as to what her voice sounded like. Was it like a cute, soft voice that made him feel relaxed, or was it more like a loud, active voice when she spoke with such enthusiasm about the topics that interested her? For a second, however, she seemed a bit nervous, biting her lip and checking the map she held in her hand. Saeran wanted to go help, but one it would be awkward for him to appear and ask, and two, she would be long gone by the time he got up. A few buses passed by, blocking his view of the lady. When they left, she was gone with them.  

        The next day, at eight o’clock sharp, he was expecting to see her smiling face as she walked through the glass door. Minutes of waiting turned to hours. This was odd. She still hasn't shown up, and it was a few minutes before closing time. He sat behind the counter, staring at the dozen pinks that lay untouched on the counter. Maybe she wouldn't be able to make it today. But it was peculiar. She never once failed to show up right when the doors opened, yet she hasn't come in all day. Saeran knew that she had her own circumstances, but he couldn't help but find it a bit strange, especially since she had made it every single day, even when the roads were iced and the ground was buried with snow. 

        Two minutes before closing. He sighed, taking brass keys out of his pocket and walking towards the door to lock it. He didn't know why, but Saeran couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed that she couldn't show up today. Something must have happened, right? Maybe she was just tired? But that couldn't be right. Many times when she came in, dark eye bags were prevalent and her smile was lopsided while she would look like she was about to crash any minute. He couldn't help but worry for her, but why? It wasn't as if they ever spoke with one another more than a few sentences. It was just a quick ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye,’ nothing special. Yet, here he was, hoping that she was alright. It puzzled him. Why was he worrying? Thinking about her smile, his cheeks suddenly flushed and he felt heat flow through his body within seconds. His heartbeat started to gain speed.

        Damn, he thought, what's wrong with me today? Shaking his head, Saeran plopped the key within the lock and turned it, hearing a satisfying click.

        She was too late, unfortunately. By the time the mysterious girl showed up, Saeran was slumped over at the counter, sleeping on the paperwork he had to turn in soon. Sunlight was still present in little amounts, but most streetlights were being turned on right about now. She lightly tapped on the glass window with her knuckles, hoping that he would notice. He still lay slumped over his desk, however, sleeping ever so softly. She smiled at his form. He was so cute when he was asleep. Saeran just looked so relaxed and at peace when he was fast asleep as if every problem he was dealing with just suddenly vanished. She got on her yellow bike she was gifted for her tenth birthday and started riding. She was unfortunately too late today and didn't have a chance to pick up her flowers. 

        The next day was quite gloomy, a contrast to the previous bright sunshine-filled Friday. He woke up with arms and paperwork drenched in his drool, earning a look of disgust from him. How long was he asleep? Saeran checked the watch on his wrist, alarmed that it was nine in the morning, an hour past opening time. He sighed, thinking of how it would be better to just not open for the day. It was a Saturday after all, and he could probably afford to miss a day. A thunderous clap was then heard in the background, startling the man who was drinking a glass of water that sat on his desk from yesterday. He did a small jump, spilling water on his beige sweater in the process and mentally cursing himself. Soon enough, he got startled again when there was a vicious knock on the glass doors, jumping again and spilling more water. Saeran turned towards the window, a malicious glare in his eyes which only deepened once he saw his older brother standing outside. 

        “Hey bro, can you let me in?” Saeyoung tried to motion through the window, pointing at the doorknob and making strange movements as if he was playing charades. Too bad he sucked at it. Saeran had no idea what his brother was doing outside his shop at nine in the morning in the midst of a severe thunderstorm. He hadn’t even made plans to stop by, he just showed up out of thin air, which irritated Saeran a little. 

        “Why are you here?” Saeran asked in a stern voice, allowing a soaked Saeyoung to enter his shop, his wet t-shirt leaving water droplets everywhere on the floor. “And you could’ve at least had the decency to call and say ‘hey I’m stopping by for a visit.’” His arms folded, he waited for an explanation, as if an angry mother scolding her child. 

        “First off, don’t I at least get some kind of proper greeting?” Saeyoung pouted. “Secondly, I thought it would be nice to stop by for a visit. My shop is right around the corner anyway so it wasn’t as if it was troublesome for me.” The older red-head then went to a lily that was in the corner of the shop, picking one up and playing with its white petals. “Thirdly, it’s not as if you hate these visits.” He’s got a point there. Saeran, in fact, loved it when his brother came to visit. The younger sibling didn’t really have anyone else to converse with, spending his days feeling rather lonely, although it hurt a bit to admit. He did have a bit of an ego.

        “Anyway, make yourself comfortable.” Saeyoung smiled and tackled his brother in a hug, leaving a baffled Saeran standing in place. It was very sudden, and Saeran was a bit taken aback, but he hugged back. 

        “Dammit, you have no idea how much I missed you. You don’t come to visit the computer shop as much anymore. We don’t really hang out, and just...I really missed talking to you.” His embrace grew tighter. “You just seem so distant most of the time, and I sometimes wonder whether you’re annoyed with me or something.” Usually, Saeyoung would be a goof, cracking jokes left and right. This new side of him left Saeran baffled, but he felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t been talking to his brother as much anymore. Truth be told, he was just so busy with paperwork for his shop that he kinda forgot about Saeyoung. 

        “You don’t have to be so emotional this early in the morning y’know.” Saeyoung cracked a goofy smile at Saeran’s response, releasing his grip to go and make coffee. He was happy that he could spend time with his brother again. 

        The two brothers spent their morning catching up on things, asking how each other’s shops were coming along and sharing some weird stories. “I once had this customer come in with a camera, and she had a horrified expression on her face,” Saeyoung began. “Seriously, her face was so pale she could be classified as a vampire.” Saeran chuckled and took a bite out of his ice cream. “When I asked what was wrong with the camera, she broke and confessed that she wanted to make a home video for a video production class she was taking and something went wrong.” Saeyoung stopped for dramatic effect, expecting his brother to be on the edge of his seat and ask what happened next. Saeran realized this and decided to play along.

        “Then what happened?” Saeyoung was enthusiastic, cracking into a wide smile before continuing.

        “So she left it with me, and the camera was totally fried. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to repair it, but as I am the greatest technology person thingy you know-”

        “An electronic technician?”

        "Sure, whatever, but anyway I managed to find the issue and fix it. So I was looking through the film, or what was left of it, in order to identify what happened. And then, I come across a video that shows when she was washing dishes and how she got the camera close to the water. I thought, ‘Oh God. She dropped the camera in the water.’” He stopped once more for dramatic effect, earning an eye roll from his brother. “When she comes in a few weeks later, I ask her what happened to make sure I was right. Get this, she said that she put the camera in the microwave along with the food in order to get a good angle.” Saeran suddenly burst into fits of laughter. 

        “What kind of idiot-”

        “That’s what I thought, and I was trying to remain calm and composed while she was explaining why she thought it was a good idea to microwave a camera.” Saeyoung was then cut short due to rapid knocking at the door. The two of them turned towards the door to find her, Saeran’s regular, standing outside in the pouring rain. The younger sibling immediately tensed up.

        Crap, I forgot about her. Noticing his tense form, Saeyoung raised a brow and took a quick glance at the woman once more. 

        “Ohhh, I see.” The mischievous red-head smirked, eyeing his brother who had an intense blush on his face. “So, who is this girl you like?” The audacity of him. “How’s she like? Does she know? Are you two in a relationship? I can’t believe that my precious little brother has someone.” He took off his glasses, making a small gesture with his finger as if wiping away a tear. Saeran’s blush only grew in intensity. 

        He wasn’t entirely sure about whether or not he did have a crush on her though. Whenever she smiled, his heart fluttered a bit. Sometimes he would find himself gazing at her cherry-red lips, silently wishing that he could kiss them. Her eyes were another thing he was fond of. Her eye color complemented her locks, and she shone with a special kind of radiance, one that stood out from others. Saeran often found himself waiting for her to arrive, even if he would see her for a few minutes at most. Whenever he could see the hurt in her eyes, he so desperately wanted to ask what was wrong but decided that it would be rude to impede on her personal life, yet she still smiled the same lopsided smile. He adored that confidence and strength. He didn’t have the courage to fight through the pain with a smile on his face. Oh God, he did like her. Yet, he had just come to the realization now, when his brother brought it up. 

        “N-No,” Saeran stuttered, making his way to the desk to pick up the dozen pinks he had set aside. They were freshly picked from the small greenhouse he had in the back. “It’s just that she’s a regular.” He went up to the glass door, flowers in hand, and motioned for the woman to come in. “Uh, you’ll catch a cold if you stay outside without a jacket in the rain,” he whispered, looking to the side as if embarrassed and a bit shy. Her hair was drenched and the hoodie she wore stuck to her body a bit. 

        “It’s ok,” she replied. “I’m just here to pick up the flowers.” Her voice was soft, and Saeran was entranced by it. She spoke with such eloquence although she had barely said a word. Her soft voice was cute in a way, and the way she smiled at the end made Saeran’s heart beat faster. Had he really fallen head-over-heels for this young woman he didn’t know anything about? What was this, some sort of a Romeo and Juliet love story?

        “No, I insist. I don’t want you catching a cold.” He moved a bit to the side, gesturing for her to come in. She gave in to his charming smile and went in, a sort of milk-white card in hand that was now drenched in water. “Here, I’ll make some coffee for you to warm you up. Or would you prefer hot chocolate? I-I also have juice if you want.” He stumbled with his words, trying to figure out how he should treat such a beautiful and delicate woman. Saeran had never really had a crush on someone before, so all this was a new experience for him. 

        He caught Saeyoung off the corner of his eye suppressing a laugh. Was Saeran really trying that hard that it was noticeable? Apparently so as she had giggled. Now he had just made a total fool out of himself. He was embarrassed, flushed red from the tip of his ears to the bridge of his nose and mentally cursing himself for his desperate nature. He didn’t know what had come over him. Did Saeran really want to impress her, maybe confess although that would be a bit awkward? They were practically total strangers, yet here he was falling in love with her. 

        “A coffee would be fine.” She squeezed her hand, showing signs of shyness which he found adorable. She seemed so pure and innocent, Saeran wanted to embrace her by a fireplace on a cold day like this. Great, he was now having delusional fantasies. “Also, were you closed today, because no one else seems to be in the shop?”

        “Ah. Yeah, I had woken up late so I was closing the shop, but you’re fine. Anything for a regular.” Saeyoung, meanwhile, had disappeared to who knows where. Knowing how much of a “great” matchmaker he was, setting Saeran up on blind dates from time-to-time, the older red-head probably left to the back to give the two some room. Who knows, they might just hit it off and this interaction was the start of a loving relationship. “Please, have a seat at the counter.” She made her drenched form over to the counter, taking a seat behind it, feeling a bit awkward as she was always on the other side as a customer. Saeran made his way over with a warm cup of black coffee in hand, setting it down in front of her as well as small square packets of sugar and a small cup of creamer in case she wanted to make it sweeter. 

        “Thank you,” she mumbled, playing with her fingers while Saeran mumbled a quiet “you’re welcome” and stared off to the side. Both of them were socially awkward at this moment, not knowing what to talk about. Finally, she broke the silence. “Your shop is quite nice. It’s very serene and the relaxing atmosphere makes me feel comfortable here. I don’t know, it might be because of my love for flowers. They just have such a calming presence, and I particularly enjoy being surrounded by them whenever I feel stressed.”

        “Ah, really? I also have a love for flowers. I guess you could tell since I own this flower shop, but it’s nice to find someone else who shares this interest.” Saeran bit his fingernail which was already worn down due to the numerous times he has bitten them. He had quite a bad habit of it. He was a bit anxious over this sudden confrontation, but he was a bit happy with it as he would finally get to know this regular a bit more. “By the way, sorry for asking, and you don’t have to answer, but why didn’t you visit yesterday? Well, it’s kinda embarrassing to admit, but I was worried that something happened to you since you visit when the shop opens every day.” Was he that stupid to say such a thing? Once the words left Saeran’s mouth, regret immediately washed over him. What a complete and utter idiot he was, yet a part of him was grateful for asking about her wellbeing. It showed that he did care for her, albeit she was a clutz at times and other flaws were apparent, but that’s what made her unique and quite special. 

        “I was just busy with some things during the day. I’d rather not go too much into detail.” She gave a distraught look, gazing into her coffee while lost in thought about something. Well, that was a bad question to ask. Her eyes were no longer shining with a sort of brilliance yet was overcome with a feeling of sadness and a tinge of resentment. It was the same thing he felt when he was younger, having been separated from his older brother. The past was the past, however, and Saeran would rather try to forget about those distant memories. 

        “I’m sorry for asking.” She just smiled and shook her head, signaling that it was fine. How could she still smile through the pain? It ached him on the inside, wanting to so desperately ask how she could possibly smile when something was bothering her. How was she so strong and courageous as to mask her emotions behind a smile? He decided against it. He didn’t know her that well, and Saeran would feel that he was impeding on a sensitive matter. 

        “I’m sorry, but I have to go now.” She got up from her seat, a small sneeze erupting which Saeran found a bit cute and funny as it sounded high-pitched like a baby mouse. Without much thought, he grabbed his thick black coat from underneath the counter and draped it over her shivering shoulders. A small blush erupted onto her cheeks, taking the coat off and handing it back to Saeran. “Sorry, but I can’t take this. You need it, and besides, I’m already wearing an oversized sweater so I’ll be fine, probably.” The man just draped it over her shoulders again.

        “You’ll get a cold, and you’re going out while I’m here in the shop. You need this more than me, and you can always give it back when you come visit another time.” Thinking of how it would be no use to argue back, she hesitantly accepted the offer and made her way through the doors, carrying the bouquet of pinks in hand. She muttered a small “bye” and quickly walked out, a large blush on her face that she tried to cover by snuggling into the warmth of the oversized coat. 

        Saeran stood in front of the glass door for a while, silently cursing himself for his awkwardness. And he forgot to ask what her name was. Great, just great. “So, who was that?” The enthusiastic voice of his brother popped up from the back, a mischievous grin plastered across his face. Saeran glared at him, proceeding to ignore him and go lay his head on the counter while contemplating his decisions. 

        A few weeks passed by and everything was seemingly normal. Saeran thought about his small crush and whether or not he should confess, although that would be creepy since they barely knew each other. She would come in every day like normal, pick up her pinks, then quietly leave. He had gotten his coat back, and every time he put it on he could feel a sliver of her warmth attached to the insides of the coat. Or maybe it was the thought that she had worn the coat, but Saeran didn’t really mind. He was more confused about why he liked her. Sure she was pretty and had a sweet voice, but what about her specifically. Saeran hadn’t really thought of it until his brother had brought it up. 

        “Well,” Saeran started, sitting in a small booth while meeting up with his brother again. “She has pretty eyes I guess.” Saeyoung nodded, motioning for him to continue on. “Well, her voice is soft and cute. Um, sometimes I kinda just want to put a string of hair behind her ear and tell her how pretty she is.” His brother gave him a bewildered look, possibly creeped out from his list. “Ugh, I just don’t know.” Saeran slammed his head against the table, sulking a bit as he tried to list off why he was attracted to the mysterious customer. “It’s just...I don’t know why but everytime I see her, my heart speeds up and there’s a small blush you could see on my face. Whenever she comes in through the door, I have to suppress this big grin but I don’t know why. It’s as if my body just told me ‘yeah, she’s the one.’” 

        “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, but it sounds like you do like her although you haven’t really specified why.” Saeyoung got up and stretched a bit. “Anywho, I got to get back to my shop-and speak of the devil she’s here.” Saeran’s ears turned a bit red at this mention, lifting his head off the table to scan the cafe for any signs of her. Sure enough, she was there, three seats in front of the brothers writing something in a notepad. 

        Before Saeran could even utter a word, Saeyoung left the shop, winking at him and giving a thumbs up. Well then. Although Saeran had little confidence in his social skills, it was now or never. He was going to go up to this cute girl and finally converse, maybe ask her out or get her number if things went well. 

        “Hey,” he greeted, which earned a mental facepalm. God, why was he just so awkward. I mean, yeah, he never was one to chat with others, and he did have a rather rough past that he was able to overcome after loads of therapy, but why couldn’t he talk for God’s sake?! 

        She looked up from her notepad, smiling that damned lopsided grin that never failed to make Saeran’s heart skip a beat. Yet again, however, there seemed to be a tinge of sadness in her smile. “Oh, hey! I never did catch your name although we see each other every day.” 

        “Oh, ahh, I’m Saeran.” He took a seat at the booth and scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact. 

        “(MC). By the way, do you by any chance sell tiger lilies? I’ve never seen them at your shop before.” She started to bite the eraser at the tip of her pencil, chewing it as if in thought or waiting for Saeran to answer. 

        “Yeah, I do, except I keep them in the back. I don’t have too many people ordering them, so I usually only reserve them for special orders. Do you need any?” Yes, he didn’t grow that many tiger lilies, but if (MC) wanted some then he sure as hell will give them to her, free of charge. 

        “No, it’s just that my customer wants about a dozen of them.” She started tapping the pencil against the tabletop, quite irritated at the thought of the aforementioned customer. (MC)’s face then lit up, as if she forgot to mention something. “I deliver flowers by the way. It’s just a part-time job I picked up to help pay for my university tuition. I know it’s not much, but it’s been helping somewhat. Every penny counts, you know?” 

        Saeran nodded. He never did attend university, instead opting to take a few classes on business and gardening before opening up his own shop. The costs were massive even with those few classes. In short, college is hella expensive. Who could afford all those costs?

        The two continued to chat for a bit, making small talk and getting to know a bit about each other. Saeran was truly grateful for this opportunity. After about an hour, he decided to bring up a question that he was always meaning to ask.

        “So, forgive me for intruding on your personal life, but why exactly have you come to my shop almost every day at the exact same time and ordering the same exact thing?” Gosh, he was so softspoken and awkward. But this was needed. 

        “Oh, this is kinda awkward,” she rubbed the back of her neck, Saeran immediately regretting ever speaking. “Um, please don’t think that this is weird, but it’s because I always wanted to see you before I began my day. I’m just too socially inadequate to go up and start a conversation, however, so I just settled with buying pinks that I don’t need. I mean, sometimes my customers do want them, but it’s mainly because I really love seeing you. When I first walked into your shop, I took one glance at you and thought, ‘damn, that’s a fine-looking snack right there.’” She chuckled after her ramble, face visibly red. 

        Saeran was over there dying on the other hand. She...she thought that he was cute? Um, excuse me? His heart beat furiously, threatening to jump out of his body at any minute. His soul has transcended, beginning to leave for the afterlife. His feelings were reciprocated. Is this what heaven looks like? Sitting right in front of your crush who just confessed, both of your faces red and body temperature running so high that it could be mistaken for a fever?

        She continued on. “It’s just that...my life has been, well, shit over the past few months.” She started to play with her nails and bit the inside of her cheek. (MC) was getting all nervous again, as Saeran could tell from her actions. He had studied her enough to be able to read her emotions. She wasn’t a good hider as it turns out. Saeran remained silent, allowing her to go on as if silently comforting her that he was there to listen to her. He wanted to be someone with who she could be open.

        Saeran had gone through therapy due to his rather rough past. He knew what it was like to be abused, to feel as if there was no opening to escape the dark pit you are stuck in. Without his therapy, Saeran feels as if his life wouldn’t have gotten better. His mom was abusive to both him and his brother; their father was of a high position and never once acknowledged that they were his sons; he was manipulated into a cult, only to be further abused; and above all, he felt as if his dear brother had abandoned him. While he was in a better place today, the past still lingers, clinging onto him as if whispering that he can never let it go. 

        “This one particular customer just berates me and will always find a mistake I’ve made in the order. Like, ‘oh, I ordered thirteen roses but you only bought a dozen.’ Or ‘this flower is slightly discolored. What are you thinking about giving me such a sick and unsightly flower?’ Then she just goes on to call me names, saying how I should be fired.” (MC) had tears in the corners of her eyes. 

        “And it’s hard to just take it in, you know?” She continued on, her tears silently falling. “It’s hard to deal with this stuff when your self-confidence has already hit rock bottom, and you think it can’t get worse, but oh boy there’s a shovel and now we’re digging even deeper!” (MC) was practically sobbing at this point. 

        “I’m such a worthless piece of human trash. I can’t even pass my university classes because my dumb professor is all like ‘you forgot a comma here’ or ‘this class is too hard for someone of your intellect’ as if she’s doubting my intelligence. Then parents are all up on my ass about how I don’t know what I want to major in yet. ‘Oh, you should go to med school’ or ‘how could you not know your interests yet? You’re just wasting your time and money. You should just drop out and marry a rich man.’”

        “Hey, it’ll be alright.” Saeran had moved over to her booth. Yes, he was awkward, and yes, he had no idea what he was doing, but he had to comfort her somehow. “You’re just going through a rough patch right now.” (MC) then hid her face in his shirt, hiding her tear-streaked face as Saeran awkwardly placed a hand on her head, stroking it gently. 

        “Don’t listen to those people, (MC). You’re a strong-willed woman. You’re just going through hard times, but everything will soon be better. Once you’ve hit rock bottom, the only place you can go is up. Listen, I’m so proud of you.” The crying seemed to have toned down a bit, much to Saeran’s relief. He wasn’t sure whether or not he was helping. He had always been the one to have advice given to him, not the other way around. 

        After a few more inspirational (and quite cringy according to Saeran) talks, (MC) seemed to be feeling better. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks had dried trails of tears, and her nose was quite runny, but (MC) wasn’t crying anymore. 

        “Thanks, for everything,” (MC) said, cheeks a bit red as she twirled a strand of hair with her finger. She seemed to be embarrassed that she had cried in front of a stranger she barely knew anything about. “That was the first time I had someone comfort me, so thank you. I usually just bottle up my emotions, but I guess it became too much this time.” She softly chuckled, trying to make a joke about the whole ordeal. God, she was just so embarrassed. 

        “Hey, it’s fine. I wish I had someone to say these things to when I was dealing with something similar. We all need to express our emotions somehow.” Saeran smiled, genuinely smiled. He wasn’t sure when the last time he had smiled this much was. God, this girl just made him feel things he wasn’t exposed to. “Anyway, we’re friends now, right? You can talk to me anytime you need anything.” 

        “Mm, thanks, honestly. Same here.” The two sat in awkward silence, unsure of what to say next, until finally, Saeran spoke up, deciding that it was his turn to make a move.

        “Soo, you want to hang out next week?” There was an imminent blush on his face, eyes looking to the right as to avoid her facial expressions. He then heard a soft giggle.

        “I’d love that.”

[wolfpawn]

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 6

Story Summary - Based on an idea I had that I submitted to Imagine Loki. Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.

Chapter Summary -   Ella worries about Loki's demeanour to her while Loki worries of the life he is about to have to endure.

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Ella understood she would receive a frosty reception in Jotunheim, and that was not just in regards to the weather. She knew many would be suspicious of the Aesir especially after everything and the fact that in almost a thousand years, Odin had not sought to thaw relations. But the manner in which Prince Loki spoke to her that night brought her from feeling fear of the isolation and foreignness of the land she was now in to feeling scared at how their marriage could be. The coldness of his tone, as well as the accusation in it,  made her feel as though her thoughts that he was glaring at her at dinner was not as she had convinced herself as it being in her mind and that she simply was being overly-sensitive but that he had very much done so. She wondered if she could speak with her father and voice her concerns, hoping he would not force her into a marriage if it was going to be one of open hostility. That very day the stipulation was made that she had to give her husband two sons, and Norns only knows how many daughters in the process as per the agreement. The idea of laying with a man that loathed her made her shudder. Rising to her feet, she thought to speak with her parents for a moment to see if they could alter the agreement as clearly Loki thought little to nothing of her.

Just as she opened the door of her rooms, she was startled to see Loki standing outside them. Though shocked, she instinctively curtsied. “Your Highness.”

“Princess.” He bowed. “I was hoping to have a moment of your time.” She nodded, terrified of what he would say. “I wish to apologise for my earlier behaviour, it was unacceptable, I am sorry.”

“I understand. I am your realm’s enemy’s daughter. I know the air of suspicion that places on me, but I can assure you, I only want what is best for Jotunheim. It is to be my home now and I want it to thrive, especially under your rule.”

Loki did not know what to think of her words. He simply nodded and agreed. “Yes, I wish for the same. If we share such a goal, then this should not be too difficult.”

“No, I suspect not.” She gave a small smile. “I will not take up any more of your evening. I thank you for your apology and accept it. I know alliance marriages are not the most pleasant and are practically unheard of in this realm, I hope I do not disappoint you.”

“It seems to be somewhat a common occurrence on yours though, does it not?”

“In the higher houses, yes. It is.”

“Does that not lead to inbreeding?”

“It very much does, hence my father marrying my mother to dilute a somewhat teetering bloodline.”

“I thought it was to secure Vanaheim’s allegiance against Nidavallr?” Loki was certain Arden had taught him such.

“An arranged marriage can have more than one particular reason.” She shrugged. “Is it not the same here?”

“No, here you do as you please, though some houses do like to align but our breeding practises mean multiple mates of any standing are entirely acceptable.”

“I’m sorry to have taken such choices from you,” Ella commented. “Though I am curious, do men have the choice of how many wives he has but a woman only has one husband?”

“No, women can choose to mate with whomever she chooses, it is simply a case of who gives her the most reason to mate with them.”

Ella noted the manner in which he referenced intimacy. It seemed so different from Asgard. “I see. Forgive me, but it is getting late and I have taken enough of your time.”

“Yes. I had best go and ensure my father is alright. Goodbye.” He turned and left and rushed down the hallway without waiting for her to reply.

Ella walked back into her room, her plan to speak with her father all but forgotten as it was most likely a moment of ill-thought that spurred Prince Loki’s earlier comments and with him apologising for them, she saw no reason to incite issue.

Loki walked to his father’s rooms thinking of the interaction he had just had with his soon-to-be mate. She was polite, but he loathed everything she referenced with regards to Aesir society. The idea that she would simply be bartered off without so much as entertaining the idea of love and that she would just accept it was unfathomable to him. He feared the union already and he especially feared how any children born to it would fare. His father had four mates through his life, he cared for each of them individually, his mother, Nal, was his father’s favourite to converse with as she had seen more of the realms. She had been Vanir, but the Great War took her when a Light Elf ship crashed into the dwelling she was in. Laufey mourned her, yet loved his other mates also for how they enriched his life.

When his father told him of the Aesir tradition of one mate, he had been horrified. The idea that you could go your whole existence loathing your significant other and not have the release of the company of one you adore terrified him. When his father told him of the view that procreating with one outside of that chosen spouse led to mayhem and anger, he did not know what to think. He was grateful that female Aesir tended to have seasonal spikes in fertility with the chance of impregnation throughout the year so heirs were guaranteed so long as they lay with one another with some fashion of regularity but knowing there was nothing for them to speak about and knowing his father publicly guaranteed to the Allfather that he would not take another mate both angered him and broke his heart. He always cared deeply for one such being. Angrboða met him in mind, she engaged him in ways he knew this Aesir never would. He always thought she would be his other mate, that seemed a common occurrence on most every realm, even Asgard had such partners, though they called them ‘Mistresses’, but the Allfather stated specifically it would not be permitted. Arden informed him it was to do with lineage. Though most men in Aesir court did indeed have mistresses, the King would not, so an illegitimate son would not be able to usurp his legitimate brother’s rightful throne. It made sense, it kept the line of succession precise and easy to follow, but it was about to lead to a very miserable union for him.

“My son.”

Loki looked at his father, almost falling out of the chair he was in. He righted him immediately. “Father.”

“She is here. She is not as bad as the brother, Norns be praised. I did everything I could for you, to have the Casket brought back, to have you see the Jotunheim I knew before. It is so close, I can taste it. Wait until you show your sons how it was, how it will be again. And a daughter, if you have one, to show her flora long made dormant by the frost. I see it so clearly. A little girl, seeing a flower bloom for the first time as her brother, our future, your heir wields a seidr beckoned toy sword. Norns but it will be glorious. You will be there to give them this, knowing you did this for them, for them all, the whole realm.”

Loki swallowed at his father’s dream, not voicing the pressure he felt from it. “Are you planning to not see it yourself, Father?”

“I grow weak, I do not think I will see it again in all of its glory, but I will hold on long enough to see it grow, to see my first grandchild from you come to be.”

“That is something of a deterrent, I would delay such to keep you longer.”

“Don’t jest with me in such a manner.” His father chuckled. “I know the bargain with regards to mates is not a fair one, Loki, but there is no way he would have agreed otherwise.” Loki swallowed. “I know you care for Deric’s daughter, and she is a good being, but it must not result in a child.”

“I understand.”

“Good. The princess, she is key to everything. If she does as she is supposed to do and gives you your sons, she will have given us new hope. And who knows, the Allfather was given the Allmother in such a manner and they care for one another, perhaps you will come to see the Princess in the same way."

Loki very much doubted it.

[awkwardnessandbaseball]

IT’S HERE IT’S HERE IT’S HERE!

Once again, so many thanks to: @cspupstravaganza, @sherlockianwhovian, @lassluna

Tag list: @quirkykayleetam​, @squidvisious​, @carpedzem​, @kmomof4​, @revanmeetra87​, @capnjay21​ (Message me to be added!)

AO3 if that’s your jam: Prologue | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7

I’d Pick You (and Your Little Dog, Too)

A Captain Swan Pupstravaganza Story

Summary: According to everyone in the known universe, Emma Nolan’s dog is supposed to lead her to her soulmate. But she’s not even sure if she wants that. Soulmates are pretty idealistic, don’t you think?

Chapter Four:

“Emma!” An unfamiliar voice calls her and she turns around, expecting a random citizen of the town to be flagging her down for something like a flat tire or a pothole or something else that really doesn’t require the sheriff’s attention.

She’s pleasantly surprised to find a familiar man and an even more familiar golden retriever heading her way. Rascal starts whining and Emma rolls her eyes. Of course her dog can’t make this easy for her.

‘This’ meaning her whole ‘nothing has changed’ attitude.

Because nothing had changed. It’s been two weeks since the goldens were adopted. Princess and Charming get along famously, and David is the happiest he’s ever been. He keeps insisting that Emma needs to meet Killian, that if nothing else, Rascal probably wants to play with Procella. But Emma keeps telling him that if they’re meant to meet, if they really are soulmates, they will. (She, of course, neglects to mention that she already has met Killian. No need to get her brother more excited about this whole thing than he already is)

She hates when she’s right.

“Hey, Killian. Long time no see.” She keeps her voice casual, even as Rascal’s tail starts thumping against her leg painfully in anticipation of seeing his friend. “How are you settling into Storybrooke?”

“Quite well!” He seems lighter somehow, more free, than he had during their brief interaction at Granny’s. His eyes are brighter, even, and he holds Procella’s leash naturally in his right hand, as though he’s always had the extra limb that dogs tend to become. “I wanted to thank you, actually.”

“Thank me?” Fed up with Rascal’s whining, she unclips his leash and lets him run the short distance to Killian and Procella. They walk towards Emma as a threesome, Killian easily navigating the tangles that occur as the two dogs run around his legs excitedly.

“Well when my sister and I went to the shelter, they told us what happened with Charming and Procella. How you and David managed to get them when apparently they wouldn’t let anyone else come near them.” He clears his throat awkwardly. “So, if you hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t have found them. Or, rather, they wouldn’t have found us.” He leans down to unclip Procella’s leash so the dogs stop tangling him up, but Emma notices that he can’t seem to get a grip on the clip. He tries to balance his coffee in his other hand, but it nearly spills and Emma catches it just in time. “Thanks,” he says again, using his now free right hand to finally release his dog.

Procella and Rascal circle Emma and Killian, sniffing each other’s tails, for a moment before tackling each other and rolling around in the dirt. Emma laughs to herself before turning back to Killian, whose eyes are on her instead of the dogs.

“She doesn’t seem to really play like this with anyone else,” he tells her, scratching behind his ear. Emma pictures Rascal the one time he’d had an accident in the house, when he’d scratched his poor ear so badly out of nerves that he’d had to wear a cone for a week.

Emma really hates being right.

Here’s the thing: Emma knows that, on some level, soulmates means they’re meant to be. And all signs - all of the red, flashing, bold-faced signs - point to her and Killian being soulmates. But what if he doesn’t love her? What if he doesn’t even like her? They don’t know each other, obviously, so there’s no way to tell what could happen down the road. But Emma’s heart never fully healed from Neal, if she’s being honest with herself, and it just doesn’t seem fair that the universe would do this to her: plop her soulmate down in front of her, make him related to her brother’s soulmate to boot, and make him so handsome and charming that she can already tell she’ll fall for him if she lets herself.

But she won’t. Because she wouldn’t be able to take it if her own fucking soulmate didn’t love her.

“Weird,” she finally says after an uncomfortable amount of time in her own head.

She feels Killian staring at her, waiting for her to comment on Rascal’s behavior. Her face heats up with a blush.

“Emma, I don’t want to come across as too forward…”

Then don’t, she thinks to herself. Please, please don’t.

“But would you and Rascal perhaps join me for lunch?”

Lunch.

Lunch seems safe. It’s not a romantic candlelit dinner or a picnic under the stars or a bottle of wine and a romantic comedy on Netflix.

She can do lunch with this insanely good-looking man without feeling anything other than physical attraction. Besides, he’s still sort of new in town and honestly, they’re bound to see each other more often now that Mary Margaret and David are getting more sickeningly sweet by the minute.

“Okay,” Emma finds herself saying. And the smile Killian gives her is honestly both heartwarming and terrifying, because she knows that he’s probably figured out exactly what she’s known since the moment he adopted Procella.

Killian Jones is her fucking soulmate.

***************

As it turns out, lunch is a pretty safe choice. And Rascal is the happiest Emma’s ever seen him, running around with Procella.

“So how does one become the sheriff of a small town such as this?” Killian asks her once they’re settled together on a park bench, two grilled cheese sandwiches between them.

“I sort of fell into being a deputy. Once Ne--,” Emma stops herself, not quite ready to talk about her love life yet. She and Killian are, after all, just friends having lunch together. She starts over. “I had a history of being a troublemaker, and I wanted to start fresh, move past the years I’d caused problems and, instead, start fixing them. David was already a deputy, so I sort of followed in his footsteps. And then our old sheriff, Graham, moved to Boston for a huge pay raise. And we needed someone to take charge.” She shrugs.

“Out of curiosity, if David was a deputy first, wouldn’t he have been the one to get promoted?”

It’s a fair question, and Emma’s not offended by it, but Killian’s looking at her warily, like it might upset her. She smiles, and he relaxes noticeably.

“David wanted me to take it. We debated for weeks, and I had that same argument. But apparently, according to both David and Graham, people listen to me. I know how to, and I’m quoting here, ‘command the attention of a room’. So, I was officially recommended by the previous sheriff. There was a vote and everything, but I won by a landslide.” She takes a bite of her sandwich, swallows dramatically. “Not to brag, of course.”

“Of course,” Killian echoes with a laugh.

Yes, Emma can definitely be friends with this nice, friendly man who asked her to lunch. When they go their separate ways, he asks her when she’s free for lunch again.

So they do it again a week later.

And the week after that.

It occurs to Emma that, by most people’s definitions, she and Killian might be dating. They go out on regular outings and they talk and their dogs play together. She’s told him about her parents dying and about Granny taking them in and, this week, she’s telling him about David’s reaction when he first saw Mary Margaret.

“Oh, she definitely saw him, too.” Killian laughs, and Emma is trying really hard not to love the sound. “I remember that day because she came home with this weird glazed look on her face. She’d never looked like that before.”

Emma tells him about David’s bright eyes and about how sad he was that this beautiful woman didn’t have a dog.

“She does now,” Killian says. “And they’re practically inseparable so I guess it’s safe to say they’ve sort of known all along, even before she got Charming.”

He looks at her sideways and she pretends not to notice.

“David’s had his heart broken before.” Emma realizes that she’s sharing her brother’s story, which isn’t really her place, so she changes direction. “So if I can be honest with you, I wasn’t totally on board with him dating your sister. At least not at first”

“A protective sibling. I’m familiar with that.” Killian laughs, but it’s a quiet, almost sad laugh this time.

“Mary Margaret doesn’t seem the over-protective type,” Emma finally turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, I had a brother. Liam. He passed away years ago, around the time my father married Mary Margaret’s mother.” Killian’s staring into space now. “I don’t… I don’t really talk about it. It’s just…”

“I’m so sorry,” Emma puts her arm on his shoulder before she can stop herself. He turns to look at her and they both freeze.

It’s the first time she’s really touched him since he kissed her hand in the diner all those weeks ago. And that doesn’t go unnoticed by either of them.

“Thanks,” he whispers sincerely. They keep looking at each other, unsure of where to go from here. He leans forward, just a bit, waiting for her to either move forward as well or to reject him outright.

“Killian, I…” Emma trails off, wanting to apologize, to explain, anything but the silence lingering in between them. “I can’t do... this.”

“I’m sorry, Emma. I just thought…” He looks sad, but not angry. He glances at the dogs, who’ve fallen asleep at their feet, tired out from playing for an hour now.

“I know.” She takes a deep breath. Killian is nice and he’s good and she feels like she owes him some semblance of an explanation. “David’s not the only one who had his heart broken.”

Killian looks at her, a softness in his eyes. Emma opens her mouth to continue, but no sound comes out. So he talks instead.

“I dated a woman named Milah back in England.” He swallows, his jaw tense. “Neither of us had been matched, so it just sort of… made sense. But she wanted to travel, and I wanted to stay close to home, close to Liam. Even though he was… well, he was long gone by then.” He turns to meet Emma’s eyes. She expects to feel an urge to look away, but it doesn’t come, and she holds his gaze as he continues. “It wasn’t all that dramatic, not really. But it felt dramatic at the time, you know? She left, and I stayed. And, in a strange and cruel twist of fate, I ended up leaving anyway.”

“When you were ready,” Emma says.

“Aye, that’s the long and short of it, I suppose.”

Emma takes another breath.

“There was this guy, back when I was eighteen. His name was Neal.” Rascal growls in his sleep, and Emma lets out a small laugh. “Rascal wasn’t a fan, clearly. Which, you know, should have been the first sign. Anyway, he made me feel… different. Special, I guess.” She rolls her eyes at her own naivety. “David had met Kathryn by that point and I was really just alone for the first time in my life. It had always been me and David. But Neal came along and suddenly I wasn’t alone. I had a partner, or whatever. We had these plans to run off together, leave Storybrooke behind. We got into some bad shit: stealing everything from money to food to cars. He got caught with this whole trunk full of high-end, expensive watches and tried to pin it on me. But I’d been with David the whole time, who was already in training to be a police officer, so you know who they’re gonna believe.” Emma shakes her head, really remembering all of the details for the first time in years. “I just couldn’t believe he’d turned on me. And then he went away to prison, and I don’t know how long he’ll be there for, but at any rate, he’s gone. Which I guess is the important thing.” On the ground by her feet, Rascal scooches a little closer to her, comforting her even in his sleep. “So I’ve been alone ever since.”

Killian nods slowly, looking away from Emma for the first time since she started speaking.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Emma. That’s… well, that would have ruined me.” He turns towards her again. “I kind of want to hit him.” His voice comes out low, almost a growl. Emma’s surprised at how affected he is by her story. And then a memory hits her.

Emma laughs, a loud, open laugh that has her gasping for breath. Because the first time Rascal ever met Neal, the dog had growled in almost the exact same tone. Once she catches her breath, she tells Killian and he laughs as well.

“I feel it’s been an unspoken rule that we don’t talk about this, Emma, but I find that Rascal reminds me of myself in the strangest ways, and more every time I see him.”

Emma sighs.

“Yeah, I know.” She chuckles softly. “He even scratches his ear when he’s nervous. It’s ridiculous, honestly.” She takes another deep breath, another confession on the tip of her tongue. “You know, I used to wonder if my soulmate was waiting for my in Europe or something, and that was why it was taking just about forever to find them.”

Killian smiles, crinkles forming in the corners of his eyes.

“I had a similar thought for most of my life. Like, maybe I’m limiting myself over here. Maybe there’s a woman stuck across the pond and I’m just here, waiting for her to swim to me.”

“So why’d you come here?”

“Honestly?” Killian scratches the back of his ear, then seems to catch himself in the act. A blush rises up his neck. “Mary Margaret convinced me. She moved out to England to reconnect with her mother, but they fought more than they got along, and Mary Margaret felt it best if she left. They do better when they’re not together, the two of them. I think they talk weekly now.” Killian shrugs. “My dad and I were never close to begin with. The only things keeping me in England were memories. My mom and my brother are buried there, of course. But Mary Margaret reminded me, without being quite so crass as this, that she’s still alive and that we really never got the chance to get to know each other. So, somehow, she convinced me to come here. To America. To Storybrooke.”

“And now here you are,” Emma says quietly.

“Here I am,” Killian agrees.

They look at each other again, and the air feels thick as Emma’s resolve starts to dissipate.

She’d been afraid that her soulmate - this man in front of her - wouldn’t choose her. That he’d be with her out of obligation, because their dogs told them that was how life worked. That he wouldn’t love her, or even like her.

But she’s looking into those insanely blue eyes, and she can see that he already does like her, that maybe he’s even starting to love her. And he’s chosen that. He’d asked her to lunch that first time, and then each time since. He’s chosen to spend time with her, to take their dogs on playdates. He’s sharing himself with her, and she’s sharing herself with him. And, somehow, he’s still here.

He’s (still, constantly, always) choosing her.

“I can’t promise I’m going to be an easy person to date,” she tells him. “I’m a bit of a mess, if you haven’t noticed.”

Killian shrugs.

“I named my dog ‘Procella’, Emma. As soon as the name came to me, I knew it meant that whoever she was meant to lead me to would be something of a challenge.” He takes her right hand with his left, and it feels stiff. She looks down and sees, for the first time, that it’s fake, a prosthetic. She gasps and Killian nods once, seeing her make the connection between this and Rascal’s missing limb. “Another time,” he whispers. She looks back at his face and he clears his throat before he continues. “Once we took the dogs home, it struck me how different she was from Charming. Mary Margaret’s dog was following her around like they’d been together their whole lives. It took a full week for Procella to sit with me on the couch.”

“So you like a challenge, then?” Emma tries to bring some levity to the conversation, to ease up the heavy look he’s giving her.

“Aye, you could certainly say that.”

“Okay, then.” She nods resolutely. And then she kisses him on the cheek.

She’s choosing to try.